#and I’m just physically and mentally exhausted | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

s-4pphics · 2 days

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A/N: me vs writing what i’m supposed to aka moth aka vampire possession aka anyway here’s post santa barbara angst don’t ask questions im not really sure LOL

“You’re back.”

Determined hands freeze in the dirt, the freshly watered daisies glistening under the beaming sun rays. Your soiled fingers halt all movement at the soft acknowledgment from behind. A sigh leaves your lips.

“… I am.”

An exhausted one, and it’s not from your strenuous labor in the garden. Your body refuses to turn, but holes burn in your spine, leaving behind lasered streaks of green.

“Can you look at me?” Ellie pleads gently. The softest you’ve heard her be in months.

What she doesn’t know is that you’ve been back. For a week actually, hiding out in other people’s homes throughout Jackson, assisting in places where Ellie’s least likely to go. The garden in particular; Pollen makes her sneeze.

Time is vital and interesting; Dina left her and Ellie’s farmhouse with her son when you fled Jackson. She sought you out, but you weren’t there. You spent most of your time alone, walking, running, killing what you had to. Searched for peace, internal and external. The sight of the waterfall was worth the months-long trip. Your home is different now. Eerily quiet. The kids you helped teached to read don't play outside or laugh as often anymore. You hardly see Tommy or Maria around. Jesse is dead. Joel is dead. Dina isolates with JJ. Hugs him like she’ll die if she lets go.

Ellie’s forever changed. The town’s forever changed, and you’ve finally accepted that it’s for the worse.

“Is listening not enough?”

Cordiality is beyond you. Spite is evident. Even the flowers can feel it.

You tried to be patient, to coddle, to mourn and aid and tend. Sacrifice your own wellbeing for the sake of hers. You tried, Dina tried, Tommy didn’t but he did at the same time. Oddly, destructively, but in his own way. You blame him and don’t. Hate him and don’t. He’s violently and permanently scorned, but so are you. So is Ellie. She says nothing from behind you. You rise with a pop in your knees and an upturned lip.

When you face Ellie, your knees wobble. Scarred: emotionally, physically, mentally. Permanently. Her eyes are more breakable than glass, the shattered hand that displays defeat hid shamefully behind her back. But her cheeks are fuller, no longer the hollow vacancies they were before she left. Maria was always on her back about finishing her meals.

Grief is complicated. Hurt. Anger. The flowers wilt. Listening isn’t enough, and neither is sacrifice.

Ellie’s nose always twitches when she thinks. Your heart gives a sporadic pulse, but not enough to revive the shell you're trapped in.

“I don’t want an apology from you.”

She shakes her head, “I know.”

“Then why are we talking?”

Another twitch of her nose. She searches for something. “I—“

But then she flinches away from you, a bent arm coming up to cover her nose and mouth when she sneezes. A painful jerk thrums through your chest, but still not enough.

“Bless you.”

One more sneeze, but softer. A bit squeaky. Remnant of when you first met her at 13 and she followed you out to the greenhouse to watch you water the orange trees.

“Thanks.”

You nod stiffly. When she doesn’t say anything, you move to leave. Your work is done and she knows you’re back; There’s no point in being alone with her.

Ellie doesn’t follow, but she does speak.

“I’m trying.”

You pause, one foot in front of the other. A doe learning how to walk for the first time.

“I’m trying to be normal. I’m trying to be okay but it’s not working.” Her voice trembles.

You weren’t expecting a confession. Normal. An interesting use of the word. No one feels that anymore.

“It probably won’t for a long time.” You state, just as quietly as she, “But if you stop trying, you’ll rot from the inside. If that’s what you want, then fine. But if not… That's all you can do now.”

“Will we ever be okay?”

‘We’ means many. ‘We’ means two. Your back’s to Ellie, but you can see her. Unmoving, but frantic. Her mind cranks at a million miles a minute. You feel her eyes on you. Too familiar.

You’re not sure how to answer, so you don’t. You take one last look at her before you walk away.

Flowers never look the same the next day.

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams angst #ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x you #ellie the last of us #ellie williams au #lesbian #works 𖧧࣪

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talialovesmiw · 17 hours

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You make everything better. (Ricky “Horror” Olson x Reader)

A/N: Felt like writing some fluff for Ricky today. Enjoy <3

Warnings: Language, light angst and fluff

Taglist: Tag List: @skulliecadaver-blog @witchyweeb34 @cookiesupplier @raydenrrobertson @sakuracyberhex @beaker1636 @lyschko666 @black-damask1999 @synthetic-wasp-570 @jilliemiw86 @tearfallpixie @vinyardmauro @thatchickwiththecamera @bloody-delusion-expert @th0ughts-pr4yers @zuberweirrd @bxrnthyfears @yournecessaryevil @arkiliastuff @abiomens

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It was another long day at work. Customers were jerks and I didn’t even get to go on my lunch break today. I was exhausted and hungry.

I trudge my way out of the mall and into the parking lot. I find my car and get in. I let my head rest on the steering wheel as I let out a groan mixed with frustration and exhaustion. I run a hand through my hair with a sigh and start the car.

The drive home wasn’t easy. People drove like morons and some idiot almost side swiped me. It seemed my bad day was only getting worse.

Finally, I arrive home and pull into the driveway. Ricky was still at the studio with the guys and wouldn’t be home for a couple of hours. I turn off the car and grab my purse and get out of my car. I walk up to the door and dig in my purse for my keys.

“Damn it, where are they?” I grumble, getting more annoyed as I can’t find my keys. “Fuck, come on!”

Eventually after some digging, I find my keys and unlock the door. I get in and throw my bag to the side. I go to the couch and sit, soon to slump against it.

I was tired.

Mentally, and physically tired.

I could feel tears prick my eyes as I hugged one of the pillows. Today was a rough day, and all I wanted to do was cry.

So, that’s what I did. I let the tears run down my face as I hugged the pillow closer, shoving my face into it. I wished it was Ricky. Ricky always made everything better.

But he wasn’t here. He was working. All I wanted was for him to comfort me, and I couldn’t have that. Not for a couple of hours. Now I was sobbing.

I don’t know how long I was crying, but I heard the front door open. I didn’t bother to acknowledge whoever it was, I really didn’t give a damn. I just hug the pillow and keep my head down as I hear the sound of footsteps. I had cried so much that my voice was tired.

“Sweetheart? You home?” Ricky’s voice calls as he gets closer. I don’t answer.

Ricky finally approaches me, and frowns when he finds me like this. He crouches down to my level and gently takes my face.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He asks softly, his voice filled with worry.

“Bad day…really bad day..” I mutter, my voice on the verge of cracking.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head in response. Ricky nods. “That’s perfectly okay. Have you eaten yet?”

Shit. Ricky hated whenever I didn’t get the chance to eat. I gulp and look away. Ricky frowns again.

“I’m going to take that as a no.” He says with a sigh, then places his hand on my leg. “You need to eat, sweetheart.”

“Not hungry..” I mumble. That was a lie. I was starving, but I didn’t want to get up and eat.

“Uh uh. We’re not doing that. You need to eat.” Ricky stands. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna go take a nice shower while I make food, change into comfy clothes and then we’re gonna have a movie marathon on the couch. I’m not letting you be sad.”

That actually sounded pretty nice. I nod and sit up, rubbing my eyes. Ricky extends his hand and I take it as he helps me up. He walks with me to the bathroom and places his hands on my shoulders.

“Just relax, okay? Take your time while I cook pasta. I know it’s your favorite.”

My eyes light up a little. “Thanks Rick..”

Ricky smiles and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Of course baby, you deserve the best. Now go shower, okay?”

“Mhm..”

Ricky pulls away and leaves the bathroom so I can shower. I undress and turn on the shower. I end up taking a nice, long everything shower using all of my favorite smelling products. It made me feel a bit better.

I step out of the shower in my towel and walk into the bedroom. I put on my favorite body lotion and put my hair in a jaw clip. I change into comfy clothes and leave the bedroom.

When I walk into the kitchen, the smell of cooked pasta greets me. Ricky was almost done. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his torso, nuzzling my face into his back. Ricky turns his head and looks down at me with a smile.

“Hey beautiful. Have a nice shower?”

“Mhm…”

“Good. Dinner’s ready, go sit.”

I nod and let go of Ricky, a little sad to let go due to him being so warm, and smelling good too. I go to sit at the table.

Ricky plates the pasta and walks over, setting a plate down in front of me. I pick up my fork and waste no time devouring my pasta.

Ricky smiles as he watches me eat. “So much for not being hungry, huh?” I hum in response as I finish my first plate. I happily get up to grab another.

“You always make it just the way I like it, thank you.” I say as I sit back down, picking my fork up again and eating.

“It’s no trouble, really. I knew it would make you happy. It’s easy to make as well.”

We finish eating and Ricky sets the dishes aside in the sink, saving them for later. He grabs my hand and leads me over to the couch. He pulls me with him to cuddle. He sits me in his lap and wraps his arms around me. I lean into him, resting my head against his shoulder.

“You didn’t have to do this for me, Rick..” I say softly as he turns on the tv.

“I wanted to, baby. I never want to see you sad.” Ricky says as he settles on a movie, sets the remote down, and pets my hair. “It makes me sad seeing you upset.”

I nestle into him, nuzzling my face into his tattooed neck. “You always know what to say, and how to make me feel better. I love you..”

Ricky presses a kiss into my hair and pulls me closer. “I love you too, sweetheart. I’m always here for you.”

“You’re the best.”

We spend the rest of the night cuddling on the couch and watching movies until I end up falling asleep. Ricky carries me into our shared bedroom and lays me down on the bed. He pulls the covers over me and kisses my forehead. He lays on his side and wraps an arm over me. It isn’t long until he’s asleep as well.

He always made everything better.

#miw band #motionless in white #miw #ricky horror x reader #ricky olson x reader #rickyolson #rickyhorror #Ricky Olson #Ricky horror #Ricky Olson fluff #Ricky horror fluff #MIW x reader #ricky miw #x reader #fluff #light angst

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jocelynships · 2 months

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I totally didn’t cry over the fact the X-Men aren’t real last night before bed haha who does that

It’s me. I do that.

#in my defense this has been such a shit week at work #and I’m like. barely hanging on with everything rn #I gotta get through today but idk if I have the strength #and I just want my family rn #rewatching WAXTM and then X-Men 97 finally coming out just. reminded me how much I love these guys #and god infucking missed them #however it just reminds me how much it hurts that they aren’t real tho #anyways I was gonna go hang out in the parks tomorrow but uh #out of state spring breakers are coming #so it’s probably gonna be too busy #and I’m just physically and mentally exhausted #I think I’m just gonna stay home and work on commissions #to the people I owe art I promise it’s coming I’m working on things a lot slower than I’d like #and I feel terrible about it tbh #work has just been sucking me dry and I have no energy #I haven’t even been drawing for myself #anyways. I promise I’m working on stuff I just need actual energy and not to sleep all fucking day

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lil-katz · 1 month

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hi.

#me #hi #face #selfie #ugh #life is rough lately #ughhhhhhhh #dang #sup #im very exhausted mentally and physically #i’m so ready to go back to wv for a week on friday i just wanna see my friends and family bro #:/

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alwaysneedyforsir · 2 months

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is a hug too much to ask for

#seriously #i’m jus #so so goddamn touch starved #like i would do insane things to just get a hug rn #a proper hug that lasts like two seconds #so so tired #physically but also #emotionally n mentally drained rn #tired n exhausted n straight up numb #i get myself out of this shitty place n then fall right back into it again #just #a proper night’s sleep where i don’t wake up exhausted and dreading the day ahead #n a fucking hug #seriously when did a hug become too much to ask for #i’ll probably wake up n be horrified n delete this so enjoy my rambles for the next like #3.5-4ish hours before i’m awake again?#fml!#it’s fine i’m fine everything’s fine #i just need someone to hug me while i sleep a full night #and the chances of me finding that anytime soon are #too low to even try n pretend to calculate #goodnight y’all #wishing y’all the hugs that i can’t seem to get #me #my thoughts

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revolutionarywig · 5 months

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i might not have enough energy/motivation to do a frev christmas drawing this year im sorry guys 😭

#i still love robespierre and frev that will never change in fact i woudve loved to do another winter themed fit drawing #the only that changed is my mental and physical exhaustion #Cry #Merry Christmas and happy new year robespierre hope u have a good tart 🍊#Just really angry with myself for procrastinating on refilling my prescription 🫠 so its my fault bleh and now I’m paying for it #TMI

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bass-alien · 6 months

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.

#I need a fucking hug #I’m just so physically and mentally exhausted and done with this week

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oheck-trainwreck · 12 days

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Thanks for the memories Bad

Thanks for the memories Dapper, and Pomme, and Richas

Thanks for the memories eggies and admins

Thanks for the memories CCs

Thanks for the memories update admins, and builders, and every every everybody who helped with this project so far.

Here’s to what we had, and here’s to everything that’s yet to come.

Here’s a couple songs. I can’t particularly explain why they’re here, but you can probably extrapolate. Words are hard right now.

#they kinda make me feel like things are gonna be okay but also cry #here’s to endings and beginnings and opportunities and mostly goodbyes that are really just see you laters #qsmp #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp dapper #qsmp pomme #qsmp richas #song recs #kinda #I dunno I can’t really form a coherent thought right now I’m emotionally physically and mentally exhausted #how it ends from big fish is also good #I hurt #Spotify

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joes-sha-la-la-la-girl · 2 months

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The obligation to see family on a holiday when all they are is rude and obnoxious is ridiculous. Apparently none of my medical conditions are real and despite me having scoliosis, I have no idea what ‘proper back pain’ is 😭😭

#I’m sorry for the rant #I’m just mentally and physically exhausted #I hope everyone had a better easter then I did 💖

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hollyhomburg · 10 months

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The only way I can describe the condition of my brain today is if someone took a chewed up ball of gum, dropped it off of a 30 story building, and then scraped it off of the sidewalk with a fragile toothpick.

#this is like #lowkey the worst depression day I’ve had in months #tw like talk of self harm but not cutting #I haven’t cut cut in years but my legs are covered in bruises right now 🫠#I do it completely without thinking about it #it’s kinda a natural self-soothing behavior when my intrusive thoughts get really bad #I am just so fucking exhausted #mentally not physically though #which means I can’t fucking sleep it off #so I’m gonna work out my hardest over the next few hours so I can try and tire my body out

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pmak2002 · 3 months

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All the changes in my life these past few years have been so exhausting! I’m trying to do everything right but I’m so tired from it all.

Tonight my parents reminded me how I’m not doing enough for my health or my service dog

I wonder why?

Maybe because I don’t tell you that I’m stressed out

Maybe its because I’m the oldest so I try to keep myself together so that I become so tired and hungry I can’t focus on my dog or my health.

No one notices I could be doing it because I feel I need to reward myself for putting up with so much

Maybe no one cares enough to even ask me

I’m tired it’s exhausting yes I know I can’t be fully independent on my own but can’t you see that I might actually be trying?

No you don’t you don’t because you see me bring overweight and tired.

I’m tired i work two jobs which only one is keeping me financially afloat.

I train with my service dog not at home because it’s nearly impossible to do it without her being so distracted.

Maybe when I come home from being around mutts all day to being around a purebred dog with as much energy as 16 of the dogs I work with combined I don’t have the energy by the time I come home?

Maybe I’m just so tired because I’m so fat?

Maybe I’m trying to keep myself together so I waste my money and energy on things I don’t need but want because all this change is finally breaking me?

I try to cheer myself up so I waste my money

I try to do what’s good for me but no one notices or cares enough.

Im autistic so change bothers me but of course my parents are like oh it’s not a big deal or it’s not that bad. But it is to me.

As an Autistic person change makes everything worse.

I can’t work on myself when my life is constantly changing and throwing me around like a ragdoll

But I have to accept it

Get over it

You’ll be fine

I have become what I was afraid of becoming

My life has become exhausting

I wish someone would notice that

Im trying im just so tired