#and couldnt reasonably be made about them . but still somehow find a way to make it about that anyway | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pastanest · 1 year

Text

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

Tell Me You’re Okay

- Spencer is one traumatised boy we been knew

- and he opened up to you about pretty much all of it prior to asking you out. you’d already confessed your feelings towards him, but with all his baggage, he wanted to be sure you knew what you were getting yourself into

- he cried, you cried, and you ended up embracing each other in an emotional heap

- when you held Spencer’s face and kissed him, he knew that you had stayed, despite everything he’d told you and everything he believed to be wrong with him. you stayed

- you were aware of the horrors of the world, especially the one’s that Spencer’s job helped protect people from, but you arent on the team

- you’re a sweetheart, a kind soul, someone with a smile that lights up a room as soon as you walk in

- to Spencer, you’re like a ray of sunshine. a beaming person, quite literally. he’d never known such a bright person before, the only one to come close would be Penelope

- you are a being of pure joy, and Spencer feels like it is his job - more than that, the very reason he was put on this earth, was to protect you

- so when away on a case following a serial of victims who all resembled you ever so slightly, he couldnt help the fear and anxiety that built within him

- this only got worse when he looked at the crime scene of the victim murdered a few minutes after the team landed, the victim looked more like you than any of the previous ones

- the more Penelope informed the team of the habits and lifestyles of the victims, the more Spencer found himself making mental notes of all the similarities they had with you

- he couldnt just abandon the case and fly home to you, he had to figure out the case, but just having the slightest involvement of you, the mere idea of someone trying to harm his angel...Spencer found the case personally difficult, to say the least

- but he checked in with you regularly, texted every moment he could, made sure to call you every night but never for long because he didnt want you to miss out on sleep because of him

- Spencer didnt tell you that the case was bothering him, but you could tell, and since you didnt want to pester him, you found other ways to get through to him

- during the day, even if you knew he wouldnt see the texts for hours, you’d send him sweet messages cheering him on and making him smile

- anytime Spencer checked his phone, he’d seen an utterly adorable text from you

hey love! making jello cuz I miss you 🥰

- emojis arent Spencer’s vocabulary of choice, but he finds your use of them very endearing

- your messages reassured him more than he could possibly express, but he still couldnt properly relax at any point

- somehow this got worse after the team caught the killer. Spencer knew you were safe without a doubt, though he also knew you were safe from the beginning because he was states away, but you were now safe even from his paranoid thoughts

- let’s not forget that his last proper gf died horribly in front of him lmao so his paranoia is justified bless him

- sitting on the plane home, Spencer is restless, needing to get back to you more than he’d ever needed anything in his life

- he’d texted you to say he was on his way home, so of course you are sitting on the couch all cozy in your pj’s waiting for him

- as soon as you hear the door unlocking, you jump to your feet and bound over to him with the buggest grin on your face

- Spencer feels his entire body relax with the deepest sigh when he sees you

- you practically jump on him, wrapping your arms around his neck and legs around his waist, squealing with excitement, making Spencer laugh for the first time in a week, the kind of laugh that only happens around you

“Spence!! I’ve missed you so much!” You cheer, sounding almost as relieved as he feels.

“I’ve missed you too, so much, there arent even words-“ He feels himself getting choked up, and you’re quick to jump off him

- your hands cup his face, gently forcing him to look at you as you frown at him with concern

“Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me sweetheart.”

- Spencer sniffles, his own hands unable to leave your hips, his thumbs drawing circles on them

“Just...tell me you’re okay, please.”

- he sees the way your heart melts, he can tell just from looking in your eyes

- the most beautiful, soft smile overtakes your face

“Spence, anytime you’re around, ‘okay’ is the most inaccurate term I could possibly use.”

- Spencer chuckles at this

“Forgive me, what’s a more accurate term?”

- you beam, standing on your tiptoes and leaning close to his face, your lips mere centimetres away from his when you whisper your answer

“Perfect.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #x reader #criminal minds #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #headcannon

132 notes · View notes

gamorasxlover · 11 months

Text

hi! here is my first attempt in writing and posting a fan fiction. let me know what you think <3

plot: a short paragraph about Peter and Gamora expressing their true love to each other.

“A Sky full of Stars”

Starmora Fan-fiction

“Groot just leave me alone” came the fully recognisable voice of Rocket. He was fixing a part of the ship, the Milano. He was obviously pissed off at Groot for something but no one ever knows what.

“I am Groot” came the high pitched voice of Groot. “No, you can’t help me Groot you little-“ his voice cut off by Peter. “No one is yelling at anyone on my ship… maybe at Drax because of his obsession with Zarg Nuts” he said. He was wearing his ravager trousers and a white almost see-through vest. “Why am i brought somehow into every conversation between you two?” came Drax’s voice from outside, he was sitting on a log by the fire entertaining Mantis with his impressions of all the Guardians (he was really good at them). “Have you seen Gamora by the way?” asked Peter. “Why you so obsessed Quill? She seriously cant be into a goof like you. Whatever, she’s sitting by the river over there” said Rocket pointing to the silhouette of Gamora sitting on the riverbank. Peter said nothing and started to walk over to her.

He brushed his hands through his hair and approached her. “Pretty night right?” he said. Gamora slightly jumped at the sudden sound of his voice. She turned.

“Oh its you, yeah, it really is.” she said looking back towards the river. Peter sat down a few feet from her. “Have you seen Nebula by the way?” asked Peter. Bold move bringing up her sister while trying to make her fall in love with him.

“No, why?” she asked. “Oh she just ‘borrowed’ something of mine and shes now disappeared with it” Peter replied moving slightly closer to her. They have had a few moments between them but he wasnt sure where there relationship was at this point.

“What did she take now?” Gamora asked turning to face him. Her brown eyes twinkled in the moonlight. “Dont worry, I just need to find her” he said. “I’ll go find her now then” said Gamora getting up. Peter grabbed her hand and pulled her back down towards him. “Wait dont go” he said. They were now basically inches away from each other.

The faint noise of the song ‘Aint no mountain high enough’ playing in the ship. “Why?” she asked.

“Can you swim?” he said raising an eyebrow slightly. “Thats a random questi-“ she was cut off and Peter picked her up. He was almost sure she was gonna kill him for doing this but she let him for some reason. “Peter what are you doing? Peter dont you dare, Peter!” she raised her voiced and Peter threw her gently into the water. He laughed and she came up to the surface. The expression on her face was ‘im gonna kill you now’. It then turned into a smile and she grabbed Peters leg and pulled him into the water.

She laughed. She never laughed. Peter came up to the surface and shook his head, his wet hair was in a hairstyle that made him look super hot. His top was now fully see-through. He laughed and splashed her. She was fully clothed but didnt seem to care. Peter took off his shirt and threw it onto the river bank.

Gamora stared at his body, she didnt mean to but she couldnt stop. Peter went up to her and grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up and out of the water, only her legs were still in. They laughed.

The moonlight shown onto the water and lit up the water around them. Gamora put her arms around Peters neck and Peter held her close. He lowered her slowly down. She looked up at him and smiled.

“Mora I-“ Peter said but was yet again cut off. Gamora pulled him in and kissed him. The scenery was beautiful. Rocket looked over at them and sighed in disgust. There they were, kissing under a Sky Full of Stars.

#gamora #peter quill #starmora #guardians of the galaxy #gotg fanfiction #marvel #mcu #mcu fanfiction

11 notes · View notes

boozois · 1 year

Note

Hi again I was wondering what happened to the post about the different Borzois? I'm making a little series and I was thinking of making one of some of them (I just made a post about it you can go to my posts and see what I'm talking about and if you don't want me to make your Borzois I'm fine with that I don't mind🫀)

hi sorry it took a while for me to answer this! hang on, it'll be a very long post. the world of borzois has expanded so much since that post! and, of course you can draw them or do whatever!

i think i know what you're talking about, was it the Borzoi Files i had as my pinned for a small bit? well, i ended up deleting the post as i was having some trouble keeping up with the characters. but i do remember roughly what they were! i cant really remember any of the names so take these ones with a grain of salt. there are a few names i actually know, like Tendo and We.

there's Tendo, who you can find pictures of on any image i've edited that has purple text. they are a shapeshifting Borzoi creature! i can't remember their background, but they are very friendly and like to travel.

one i cant remember the name of, but her posts always have red text, usually in the fancy header font. nowadays, i often use that lettering format because it looks good on my posts but theres no reason it couldnt be her! she is the most divine of the Borzoi creatures. she can shapeshift into any form, and can also cast spells or curses on other creatures/people/whathaveyou. i do remember that she has a feisty personality but a heart of gold.

there's Graffiti Dog, i call them that because 1. they live in a backrooms-style world, except it's never ending abandoned buildings and graffiti. 2. they like the graffiti! i think i only have one post of them but i should probably make another one. they are very sweet, and intelligent. they gaurd the people who get lost.

there's Ick, who lives with Graffiti Dog, and is not so nice. they eat people. Ick and graffiti dog dont get along at all, because ick is always scaring people. i do believe there's only one post of Ick, which has green text.

then theres Train Dog, who, you guessed it, lives in an infinite world of train yards, train tracks, train stations, all abandoned but somehow the trains still work. people who get lost there attempt to use the trains but it's dangerous because... Train Dog is the biggest of all the Borzoi creatures. and they also eat people. even tho they're the largest, they aren't the smartest, and have a limited understanding of language.

We is another Borzoi creature i do remember the name of, since it's so simple and it was one of my top posts. We's posts usually are captioned in the cursive header font, in black. one of the heads is blind, and also their smelling is extremely impaired. however, their hearing is better than the average dogs. the other head has one excellent eye and an above standard sniffer, but is deaf. this is due to the way they consumed eachother in the womb, they kinda absorbed each others powers. they are more like a dog than other Borzoi creatures, who can commune with humans more efficiently. they have no understanding of language beyong dog language of course!

Hose Goat was the first dog that ever got posted to this account, not to be confused with the Hose Goat Strain post which is actually just one of Tendo's forms. they are a borzoi creature that's very tall and skinny with goat horns. i don't remember much else about them tho...

these are only the first Borzoi characters i came up with! since then, we've had a lot more show up in this universe, such as,

Maxine, who is the star of my ARG. to be honest, no one really knows what she is. she might be a manifestation of god, or satan. she might just have been a normal dog who was the victim of an animal abuser. she might be a telepathic alien who can communicate with people through brainwaves. nobody really knows! but she sure is something..

Max, who is an abnormally giant Borzoi. he made friends with Maxine when he too got lost in the cornfield. Max is also the dog from the picture where the neighbor forgot to let their dog back in.

The Dog from the Urban Exploration Series: now this pupper uses the same format as the divine borzoi, but is not the same entity. The Dog is a creature made by scientists, a 20 foot borzoi that has 6 six legs. it's much like snake with legs in the way it's built. it can manuever around pretty much anywhere, flattening it's body like a rodent. it mainly stays in the pipe systems in the ceiling to stay warm, but comes out of hiding if threatened.

Sunny Pup Daycare's Borzoi: this is the dog from the "closing shift" image, which you can find in my top posts. they are just a giant borzoi, who doesn't have an owner and doesn't leave the daycare. they don't appear at daytime. it's sort of like a fnaf thing, where there's a security guard to watch them at night. only, it's just a daycare worker! and oh, yeah, the Daycare Borzoi doesn't kill anybody. unless it gives you a heart attack when it runs by you too quickly..

Storage Unit's Borzoi: this lil guy is something else. he's a brown borzoi. he's camouflaged in the boxes. and he's got an extendable neck, which can reach up to 8 feet. his head may be small, but the teeth are razor sharp, and his eyes are specialized in night vision. if you have a flashlight, you might blind him. bring food with you if you don't wanna get eaten..

and there's probably plenty others i'm not thinking of, but that's all for now! have fun with your little series, im looking forward to it :D

#blessings #boozoi lore

12 notes · View notes

queerlordsimon · 1 year

Note

May I request Deuce with #20 (”christmas wont be the same without you, y’know?”) please 🙏

If the fates allow

Day eleven: prompt 20 “christmas wont be the same without you, y’know?” deuce spade x reader

Cw angst, reader has to go home, minor bits of bl00d

Authors note i apologize for angst two days in a row, blame @hotchocolatefairy

Have yourself, a merry little christmas

Deuce ran across the courtyard, towards the ramshackle dorm. Small tears threatening to pour over his waterline.

Let your heart, be light

Second year at night raven, y/n still had yet to find a way home, at least by the beginning of the year. That was also when he had said screw it, if crowley hadent found a way for them home the whole year, then the likelihood of of there actually being a way home, was so low he was gonna take the risk, and asked the prefect if they’d be his partner.

Next year all our troubles, will be out of sight

They’d said yes, and that began the most wonderful year of deuces life. Sure, it was stressful, for many a reason, but he got to face it with y/n by his side. His mother could hear the happiness and excitement in his voice when he called her and told her.

Have yourself, a merry little christmas

He stumbled over his own feet, scraping his hands on the ground, but getting right up and continued running, not caring about the stares his fellow students were giving him.

May the yuletide, gae

Their first kiss was shared under the ancient tree outside ramshackle. y/n pulled him by his tie into it, and the reminder of that moment made his stomach leap, but in this context, not in the good way.

Next year all our troubles, will be miles away

y/n smiling and cheering him on at his track meets, comforting him if he lost, or giving him the biggest of hugs, nearly tackling him when he wins. His tears started falling as these memories replayed in his head.

Once again, as in olden days

The warm autumn days where y/n decided for grim and him to rake up the leaves from the trees into piles and falling backwards into them, the dappled sunlight lighting up their face.

Happy golden days, of yore

The day y/n elatedly said theyd go home with him for christmas. They had the brightest smile hed seen on their face since they met.

He arrived outside ramshackle, panting heavily as he knocked on the door.

Faithful friends, who are dear to us

The prefect answered the door, eyes widening as they saw their boyfriend doubled over like that, breathing and it looked like there was blood on his hands. “Deucy?” their voice was high pitched, and deuce hugged them tightly, almost painfully, but the prefect didnt care, wrapping their arms back around him.

Will be near to us, once more

“Your going home n/n?” his voice cracked against his will, more tears than he had planned spilling over his waterline. y/n nodded slightly, crying as well.

“Yes, deucy, crowley finally found a way for me to get home. I have to go” a small sob wracked deuces body, but he stayed quiet.

“I-im happy for you, n/n, you finally get to see your family again.” y/n nodded again.

“Im sorry, deucy.”

Someday soon, we all will be together

“Its ok, y/n, you have to go, i-i understand. Youve missed your home. I couldnt take away that chance from you.” y/n kissed the side of his head hard.

“Its unfair to you though”

“Ill live,y/n, dont worry about me”

If the fates allow

“Ill find a way back, i promise deucy, i will find my way back.” deuce let out a sad laugh.

“I dont doubt you, y/n.” y/n smiled sadly, pulling away and kissing him hard.

Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow

They kissed in a sad passion, before they pulled away. Deuce smiled sorrowfully.

“Its just, christmas wont be the same without you, y’know?”

So have yourself, a merry little christmas now.

—-----

-queer.lord

How did i manage not to cry while writing this? Im soooo sorry for those reading this, and im sorry deuce for torturing you. I hope you got what you wanted @spadecentral . also sorry to you for making it so sad, but, its where it went. Thank you for requesting, thank you for reading. Requests for the event are still open, i need 8 more or else imma start using a random wheel to pick what to do. The prompt list is HERE and the masterlist is HERE , i promise most of my fics for this event are not angst, so please check out the masterlist to find the non sad ones. And ill see you tomorrow.

#foryou #fyp #twisted wonderland #twst #writing #christmas #twst christmas #x reader #deuce #deuce spade #spade #deuce x reader #twst x reader #heartslaybul #angst #im sorry #im so sorry deuce

36 notes · View notes

greekromann · 1 year

Note

1, 6, 12, 15, and 16! for the WOL ask meme!

👀 this is long so. Its under a readmore. Also ffxiv spoilers through endwalker below

1. Why did he become an adventurer? Glory? Money? ...?

The way Khalja grew up, his adoptive father made sure to instill in him a deep respect for the sacrifice his birth parents made to keep him out of the crossfire during the empire's expansion into doma. This was intended to convince him to stay safe and look out for himself, but it backfired into "im going to set out and do something about the empire. Personally", so his initial reason was really. To get stronger and find a group that he could join to combat imperial expansion. He'd heard about how the eorzean city-states drove the empire out of the continent from traders in kugane, so he figured hed start there

6. What did they think of Hydaelyn in the beginning? Did they change their mind about her since then?

He was actually initially pretty mistrustful of "giant crystal that talks to you", and couldnt shake the feeling that he was being used and intentionally kept in the dark. The mistrust turned into annoyance when he found out that she was the reason he had the echo (has considered it a curse ever since he awoke to it as a teenager), but through arr he found no reason to directly oppose her because she granted him the strength he needed to meet his own goals. When midgardsormr more or less broke her blessing, he found himself 1. Very fucking scared and 2. Missing her presence, at which point he realized that he had come to lean on her much more than hed ever intended to. He was kind of pissed about what happened with minfilia also lol. He just very much doesnt like feeling like he and every other person with the echo is a pawn in some cosmic game of chess. By the time shadowbringers wrapped up he'd become more comfortable with (or more accurately, resigned to) the idea that he would probably always be her champion, and that was fine as long as their goals were still aligned. Brief moment of panic where he learned that shes a primal, in the "does that make me. Tempered. Am i tempered" before realizing that thats stupid and the fact that hes Able to question that means he probably isnt. And then of course the events of endwalker completely tossed his idea of her on its head. He only wished that he got to spend more time with venat in elpis, but what little time they did have together made him far more comfortable with championing her cause. Khalja voice "venat my best friend venat"

12. What do they think about redemption and forgiveness? Would they forgive an enemy? Would they forgive themselves?

I think, prior to shadowbringers, he wasnt. Super into forgiveness and redemption. Like as far as he was concerned any crime needed to be answered for, and post-shadowbringers he definitely doesnt believe in like. Letting go of past offenses, but he sees a lot more nuance in these kinds of situations. [Standing in a room together with gaius post-stormblood] [gritting his teeth] This Is. Fine.

Ultimately he just wants to understand people's reasons, i guess? And he'll judge for himself whether those reasons justify their actions. Additionally, if someone proves that they're interested in doing better, or somehow making up for their past transgressions, he's going to try and look at them in the here and now, rather than as who they were before (with varying degrees of success)

As for himself... he's become acutely aware of the ridiculous amount of power he weilds, which means he's also Acutely aware of how devastating the consequences could be if he made a misstep. In an unhealthy way hes fashioned himself as the sole protector of his friends and loved ones, and so if any harm comes to them, he'll probably. Never forgive himself lol [flashes back to the vault]. Additionally, the body-snatching incident with zenos put a new fear of "what could other people do if they got their hands on my strength" into him. He's started to feel guilty for simply Being, on account of the danger it potentially puts other people in. But Its Fine Hes Fine Guys Dont Worry About It

15. How do they feel about the Ascians?

He has a very hard time hating the ascians after seeing them for who they really are. I mean that didnt stop him from stomping them into the ground whenever they posed a large enough threat, and nothing justifies the havoc theyve wrought in the millennia since, but he cant help but feel sympathy for them. After all, if all of the people HE loved and looked out for were killed, shattered, and transformed beyond recognition, he cant guarantee that he wouldnt also make some. Extremely terrible selfish decisions. [Throwing pebbles at emet-selch] Youre still an asshole [feels bad anyway].

He feels the most sympathy for elidibus, on account of. Teenager Thrust Into Govt Position And Turned Into A Primal For The Survival Of The Star. He doesnt really see him as responsible for the events that have followed since, even though he definitely. Still is. He sees a lot of alphinaud in elidibus gwjegdjd

He Does Not like lahabrea, but as of meeting him in pandæmonium hes weighing the pros and cons of attempting to Get Some gwjsgdjgdjd. Cons: hes actually one of the worst people he knows, thancred would kill him, thancred would kill him, he'll probably be rejected out of hand, etc etc. Pros: god lahabrea can GET it

16. Tell us about two major events from MSQ that left the deepest emotional scars on your WOL.

I MEAN. several gwjwgjdgd but the deepest scars......

the first would probably be the vault. Khalja felt that he owed a lot to haurchefant and he was kind of charmed by his extremely earnest nature, so losing him would have hurt enough on its own. Worse than that though was that haurchefant died protecting khalja specifically, which is something that he'd never had to. Deal with before. Up until then hed thought that the only person he'd hurt with his reckless behavior would be himself, but [watches haurchefant bleed out from a wound meant to be inflicted upon him] [has to go home and tell his family that hes only alive because their son/brother died] Oh. Oh This Sucks So Much Worse. Hes partly healed from that experience, but the guilt he feels has never left him (and likely never will), and it influences the way he handles situations where his loved ones are involved. Hes not willing to let anyone else take a bullet for him lol

The next would actually be the body-snatching experience with zenos. He'd never felt more helpless and terrified; the image of his own body about to strike down alisae and raha haunts him constantly, and while he understands that it wasnt him who did that, it definitely made him start to view himself as. A monster of sorts. Lol. When he woke up back in his own body and saw that none of his friends had come to harm he broke down sobbing in relief [he has not cried in front of. Most of them]. Post-endwalker, hes still afraid of his strength someday being used to hurt the people he loves. He would genuinely sooner die than let something like that happen again

#ty brittany i love. my special little guy #ff #ffxiv

10 notes · View notes

pinnithin · 9 months

Text

long kind of sad gay poast ahead

saw something about loving the unlovable and it got me thinking about how its a central theme in most of my writing. paired with like, isolation, being separate/other, the doomed concept of human connection, being the only person who can love and understand you the way you need, etc - i watched evangelion way too young if you couldnt guess.

anyway and this is due to the fact that a core part of my identity and personality revolves around the fact that i considered myself unlovable for the majority of my life, first unconsciously through childhood neglect, then by choice as some "you cant fire me i quit" teen angst sort of thing, then by a doomed sense of resignation all through college. its a significant part of how i see myself even now after years of working to unlearn it - ive managed to dial it back to "im difficult to love" which still isnt great but yknow. better than it was

which is why i have attachment issues and preferred one night stands for a long time. my romantic relationships (many of them short lived) have been with well meaning partners who assured me constantly that like, even though youre difficult to love its worth it. and that was all nice and good but it made me feel so fraudulent and disgusted with myself because it put me in the position of thinking either 1) this person doesnt actually know me that well at all or 2) i have somehow tricked this person into thinking under all the baggage theres someone worth loving. which is something i find difficult to reconcile with because the baggage is me too. i cant get rid of it. inevitably those people got wise and it ended up not working out.

by now have all these arguments and strategies geared up to explain to people who make the mistake of caring about me that its really not worth the effort, we're better off as friends or acquaintances, etc. im very transparent about the issues i deal with so its all just laid out there from the beginning and im not like, tricking people into being in a relationship with me or whatever by hiding it. ive talked in circles with exes over and over along the general lines of "im difficult to love" > "no youre not" > "i have xyz wrong with me and i push people away, trust me you dont want to deal with this" > "okay well we can work on that, and youll get better and itll be worth it" > "what if i never get better" > "you will, ill help you" > [me relenting bc im unable to dash their hopes and dreams that even if i Get Better im still Me at the core and the things that make me difficult to love are a permanent part of me]

the relationship im in now doesnt even let me get into that. shan is just like, youre not. youre not difficult to love, youre actually very easy to love and it has always been easy to love you, even before we were dating. and i dont have a comeback for that.

even with my usual strategy of "heres an itemized list of all the reasons dating me is a risk" theyre just like well sure, thats difficult for you to deal with, and im sorry its so hard for you, but that doesnt make you difficult to love. the loving is easy. that part has always been easy.

she doesnt treat me like a problem that needs to be solved she doesnt try to be my savior from myself she doesnt give any indication that shes just waiting it out until i reach a certain threshold of acceptable or unacceptable. she just loves me and trusts me to take care of myself, and it places a lot of personal responsibility on me to be better - not for us but for me, because im the only person who can do that and they know it.

its the healthiest relationship ive ever been in and ive never felt so safe and free to be myself. i dont need to live up to any expectations to eventually make myself lovable. im easy to love. hard thing for me to believe in self practice but going back to the inherent disconnect between all humans, who am i to know or control what they consider easy or difficult? i dont judge her when something she finds difficult is easy for me, so why wouldn't the opposite be true?

#started thinking about this first thing in the morning for some reason #i think because im moving again and its making me think of the last time i moved #out of the house i shared with my ex #something about grief being cyclical idk #pin talks #im doing a lot of posting and not a lot of packing. lol

3 notes · View notes

fizzingwizard · 10 months

Text

a brief complaint? observation? complervation? obserplaint

I don't watch Riverdale, but this is tumblr and it was impossible to not hear about the final season hijinks, namely the polycule. alright thats cool but i couldnt help side-eyeing how it's really the boys get to sleep with all the girls, and the girls get to sleep with each other as well as the boys... but the boys aren't physically interested in each other. recently i read a quote from one of the show creators where they said Archie/Jughead would have been "too hot" which, lol, but Betty/Veronica isn't?? but anyway was certainly a joke, as the rest was about not forcing something to happen for the sake of representation.

individually all of that is fine, and i hate to nitpick but... I can't help it. I really can't. You tick all the boxes, not for wonderful lgbtqia couples, but for a male fantasy: you can date more than one girl you find hot and they're also bi and into each other. Not part of the typical fantasy are having to share the girls with another guy, and not actually watching the girls at it yourself. But that doesn't matter, because the fantasy isn't for Archie and Jughead, it's for the viewers. Who get to see everything.

Just a few years ago we X-men fans were treated to the great Wolverine/Jean Grey/Cyclops threesome. This was the culmination of literally decades of pining, envy, and truly epic ship wars. At first I was like, wow, really?? Even Cyke and Wolvie getting it on with each other? But that wasn't it - all three of them weren't together - Cyke and Wolvie just each got a piece of Jean and had to live with each other also having a piece of her. It was the sharing of the woman in the relationship which was seen as so amazing and "progressive." My bf was like "lucky Jean!" Meanwhile my reaction was, holy shit, do not want.

If I really believed this threesome came about because it's what Jean wants, that'd be one thing - and yes I'm aware Jean is fictional and can want whatever the writers want. But not even superhero comics are written in a vacuum. All I could see in my head was the writers throwing Jean to the dogs like a piece of meat. "You both want her? You can both have her!" I didn't, and don't see how Jean mattered in any way except that both Scott and Logan want her. And tbh, if they had done the same thing, but also made Jean in love with Ororo, I would still feel the same way: that the Ororo bit was shoehorned in to make people like me whine less about the curious lack of balance here. Lucky Jean, indeed.

So there's two situations which are canonical in their respective universes. It's kind of stunning to me. We lept right past "gay male representation" to "male fantasy re-spun as gay representation." The guys get the girl. The girls make out with each other. The guys still get to be like "no homo, bro," somehow. And this is like, so progressive. What's progressive about it?? Men have been watching lesbian porn since forever. My brother once told me he didn't believe women who said they were bi were really bi because he assumed they were lying to impress men with their bi-ness. Then there's the "sharing with another man" thing which I guess is such an impressive feat. Isn't that just a form of voyeurism though. Don't lots of people get off just on knowing their partner is wanted by others? I'm not seeing the sexual liberation here. I just see girls being sexy in ways men have always wanted them to be, and the men just kinda existing.

Some people insist the greater acceptance of women-loving-women on screen means women in general have far more sexual freedom than men. But being free because people think you're non-sexual or that your sexuality is for them, thus controllable, isn't freedom. There's a reason people believe Queen Victoria thought it was impossible to be a lesbian. She didn't actually. But people were happy to think she did, because they secretly didn't understand how it was possible for two women who lack the right "equipment" lol. That was culture talking. Furthermore, half of what allowed women to sneak around having fun lesbian times with each other was homophobia itself. Because women (in our strict, transphobic gender binary definition) don't have dicks. In many societies around the world, it was historically okay for men to have sex with other men as long as they were the "penetrating" partner. The one in the "male" role. To be in the "female" role was degrading. (There were also class distinctions that determined which role someone would be, depending on the culture.)

It was about pride and dominance. (This stood out to me in the comments on the Archie polycule article: fans [whoops it was the writer of the article!] were worried about how Archie and Jughead's actors would have felt about having to do homosexual scenes with each other. But they didn't express any concern at all for the possibility that Betty and Veronica's actresses may have not liked it.) And for some reason, it still is today. You can have TV lesbians, not because you're so progressive and pro-women loving women, but because lesbians are hot. But TV gays are another matter. They're not hot, at least if what you're trying to construct isn't queer representation, but a male fantasy. It's embarrassing to admit you, a man, are attracted to your male friend, let alone that you have soft feelings toward him. Honestly, even the lesbian relationships are often reduced to their sexual aspect and free of any solid foundation for why these two women picked each other. Which, I mean, it's all good to have fun for fun's sake as long as everything is safe sane and consensual. But it is rather playing in to the stereotype that homosexuals are sex-obsessed, and will wind up in socially-acceptable, straight relationships when they decide they want to have families and contribute to society.

I realize I've only used two examples here, Riverdale and X-men. Which don't really have much in common (although also more than you might think, haha). One reason why I fixed on them is that they're both media with a history. They've been around forever. They have fans across ideological and political spectra. We've seen a lot more positive queer relationships in movies and TV over the past fifteen or twenty years, including gay male relationships, and that's awesome. But by and large it stayed away from the most popular characters in these long-lasting brands. Wolverine has an alternate universe self who is gay and in a relationship with Hercules. It is hairy and bold, I guess. But not as bold as Wolverine being gay. And I'm not saying he has to be. I agree that queer relationships shouldn't be forced. I am saying I think it's curious that Wolverine can't be gay, but he can be in a threesome where he and Scott both get what they want, Jean, and the male fans don't need to feel uncomfortable, and can tell their girlfriends that Jean is so lucky. And Riverdale, like I said I'm not a fan, I never watched it, but my impression is that it was pretty weird and strange in a lot of ways... weird and strange enough to let its female characters be in love with each other as well as the boys... but not weird enough for the boys to do the same? I do think that if these weren't media with such a long history, things would be different. But no one wanted to upset the "true fans." And what makes a true fan is not wanting male characters to be gay. Female characters, sure, that's hot! But if you're waggling your brow at the male ones you must be just into it for the hot guys and incapable of fully appreciating the series. Lol. Double standard what?

This is more or less my struggle with poly relationships in media. It's not that I don't think they should be there. I just think that all the ones I've seen have been cop-outs on the writer's part, either because they don't want to disappoint fans by picking one ship to be end game or because they want the media fuss a poly relationship will make. While, ultimately, the poly relationships in question are just the sort that anyone who's used the internet in the past two decades has seen in porn ads way more times than we wanted to. Where is the polycule where the guys are dating the girls, but also dating each other, and the girls aren't interested in each other sexually at all? I can tell you where to find it: fanfiction! On a popular TV show though? You know, a place where men are more likely to see it? Hmm. Maybe tomorrow...

#random #talkin about poly and homophobia etc

3 notes · View notes

descendantofthesparrow · 2 years

Note

How do you come up with outfits for the characters?? Thats one thing you’ve always inspired for me

I’m just not good with fashion, and I’m currently drawing descendants fanart. I just can’t get the outfits right (it’s Gil x ben because they are superior)

How do you come up with the amazing outfits??

I'll use my d3 rewrite as a reference; honestly? i have no fucking clue. when i first started i knew nothing about fashion...or well-next to nothing. i knew what i liked and i kinda knew what i liked on the characters. when i first started with my descendants redesigns, allll the way back in 2020 when the first wedding shorts came out, i started with Mal.

and....honestly, wasnt pretty;

i was basing it off her og outfit and mixing it with her motor bike gear. its a hot mess, i was just starting out in design and-honestly, still learning about drawing in general. back then i just -couldnt comprehend that Belts could be other colors than brown???idk why but every belt was either black-blue or brown.

then later, in june 2020, about-...five months after the first draft; i redesigned Mal d3 main outfit again

better, but-not as good as it could be. this time i went off biker punk and gave her muted colors to balance her vibrant jacket, and yeah-its okay. still learning the ropes of design and art.

and then-and then~ 2021 came along, and my god i must've opened my third eye to fashion cuz like-my game? fucking STRONG

i somehow made ACTUAL outfits, that real people would wear! i really don't know how i got from point a to point b but i did! i know most artists don't like to hear this, but practice really does help. along with references; looking at fashion helps you develop a sense for it and it becomes easier to just-make up outfits as you go.

it also helped that i had feedback from my beta reader and descendants friends, i sent them photos of my ideas and they gave me a "hell yeah!" or "i would change this bit right here because (reason)" and either that change would work wonderfully or it wouldn't fit right and i would scrap the bit of design (this happened mostly with Jay and Carlos lol)

all design is trial and error, find your knook, find your inspiration, look at how people in real life dress, get some practice on that, and just-making outfits on the fly will become easier and easier, i know my recent outfit with Audrey-i just...drew up. i had no reference for that.

also, Gil dresses in warm autumn colors; he's a comfortable fashion dude. he likes fashion, just prefers being comfortable over looking good. Ben wears cool blues with layers, usually, he'll have a plain shirt with a good-looking jacket over it, with comfortable pants and nice shoes. if that helps? cool, if not? ignore me I'm babbling XD

19 notes · View notes

dana-chan-the-control-brain · 2 years

Note

The way you draw is so bingus honestly I’m not sure how to describe it

It’s like you made the characters out of silly putty and then like squished them ever so slightly

It’s kind of like Ed Edd and Eddie, and Courage the Cowardly Dog? Those shows where each frame was detailed and kind of, like, fuckin’ stretchy. No bones, only EMOTION.

And like, it’s twisted somehow. Idk if that’s what you’re going for - it could just be that I personally find that sort of style mildly unsettling. But the emotional intensity of the stories you tell combined with the vibe-oriented pseudo-anatomy makes it feel dimly like a bad dream. One of the ones where the emotion is sadness and not fear, the ones where you can’t go home.

It’s very distinctive. I like it a lot.

SILLY PUTTY!!!!

I honestly love that description.

"it's not that I don't know how bodies work. All my characters are canonly made of playdough"

PERFECT! GHFHFHHFF

As a kid I didn't like Edd, Ed and Eddy cus the art style hurt my sensitive eyes, with all the wiggly lines and I found it super hard to relate to any of the cast of the culdesac. I'm sure there are kids like that, but in my friend group, I couldn't relate to anyone on a base level and didn't find many of the jokes that funny that I couldnt get from other shows at the time.

As a kid I was a little picky thing and I tended to hate cartoons that strictly focused on "real kids" or "real people" boring if it didn't have a fantastical element to it. Like... I hated Hey Arnold, As told by Ginger, Proud Family and Doug as a kid.... But loved Danny Phantom, American Dragon, Jackie Chan Adventures, Avatar the Last Airbender, Pokemon Indigo League and Life as a Teenage Robot if that makes sense? Lol

(I know the Eds is WAY more cartoony and zany then the other shows I listed. But my child brain lumped them together as "real people doing boring things" shows for some reason)

Somehow the Eds was always on TV and I ended up watching it when nothing else was on, but I really didn't like the show as a kid. lol

I appreciate the style and show a lot more now. I do remember really loving the movie finale as a kid however. Probably because it was the most plot driven episode in the series with actual stakes and conflict. And I think it was the first time in the series history where characters cried and it wasn't played for comedy. (To my memory)

As I said, I appreciate these shows a lot more now, but the style of the Eds still hurts my eyes.

Courage the Cowardly Dog however was completely my jam. As a child, I would watch anything with dogs in it. Even if it was bad. Scooby-Doo, Krypton, Martha Speaks, Blues Clues, Clifford... If there was a dog, I was down. (I guarantee I would have watched paw patrol if it was in the 90s/early 2000s)

And I remember having fun times watching Courage with my Mom on week day afternoons.

I was always fascinated with things that were scary or a little bit creepy. I remember also loving the heck out of Hunchback of Notre Dame when I was eight and would burn out my VHS so bad.

So Courage comes up with it's creepy themes and halarious running jokes (honestly, rewatching that show as an adult, you can tell they phone in jokes a lot of the time. The running jokes are super abundant to the point I wonder if the actors recorded one take and they kept reusing it just cus it made them laugh. Cries in lack of bonus features on the collectors dvd.)

Courage was the perfect amount of slapstick and horror. Kinda like a modern day Scooby-Doo of it's time (which I also loved) just without the bland predictable mystery element. (I can't believe it took us till 2022 to get that Scooby-Doo and Courage crossover, even if it was a little lame lol)

The show also taught me a lot about the value of courage as an anxiety-ridden kid.

Courage not being the absence of fear, but the boldness to press on despite your fears.

And Courage's over the top screaming and most of the 'Monsters' of the week having their own motivation for doing what they did, made me a little less scared I like to think. Most of the monsters in Courage were never strictly "evil". Every one of them tended to have misguided morals or ethics and Courage had to stop them because their actions would result in them kidnapping Mariel or hurting his family. (Some of them were just pure evil...but that was super rare. Like even the "return the slab" guy just wants his land/tablet back that was taken from him. )

Idk. Even now I think that's pretty cool. And even if Courage is a super formulic show, I still adore it to this day.

Anyways.... I rambled too long about cartoons I had growing up. Hfhfgdgd

But yes. All my characters are made of puddy. Thank you.

#danachan's rants #i talk too long about cartoons

9 notes · View notes

gyahyahyahayhahayahyahyahyahyaha · 2 years

Text

had a dream that started normalish.... it was late at night, very dark out side from a few street lamps n sign lighting, hanging out by some stores wandering around a bit, then alla the sudden im in this building fighting for my life an tryna stop this collection of ppl from taking their own or others.. i kept failing to protect them otherwise from eachother or from their own waning wills n spirirts from being made to kill ppl they dont wamt to kill or giving in amd finding reasons to make it end faster......the entire time this song was playing. i remember fighting these like sentient machines atop this wall only to find put that they werent in charge and all they were in charge if was moving bodies to some slum hundreds of miles below the wall. theyd put the ppl in these like huge person sized poster tubes pr wjatever they are n srop em down below. tried to stopthem from dropping some of tge opl i failed to stop/ save to the area below.. i recovered... some of them. then it was just me n this one other who i got to watch lose her mind as i was tryna clean the house n then eventually try to kill me too. i tried to mitigate it somehow. because i knew even when they were tryna justify their actions it was all coming from the fact that something was forcibly making them lash out against their wills until it was the only thing they could think to do out if pure frustration n helplessness. eventually everyone who i thought was dead at this point were all left in a room milling about. things were ok for a few minutes then the all started doing their respective “wind-ups”.

they all would wind up an attack with some kind of improvised weapon after saying some kind of phrase. like them being forced to say a short phrase bout something thatcuts deep into their fears n insecurities served as like a wind up key for a wind up doll to wind up theor signature phrase alongside their signature attack. it was always the same phrase and kind of attack for each respective person.

i could only try to break their weapons and makesure no serious damagewas dealt. felt like i was in a blender tryna dodge each strike of tge blades. dream ended wjen one of the ppl had grabbed a kebab knife and started winding up their pharase and attack. however as if recieving a revelation from god they stopped mid phrase and adjusted their swing to seal the deal. i was on a table tryna avoid a swing but they stopped and grabbed my leg and everyone in the room went from focused on hitting whoever was in front of them to tryna tear my leg off in an instant. tgen i woke uo

the... tubes were like essentially coffins or body bags or both... sometimes they would wiggle and swing around like a slinky after being sealed and thrown around. sometimes they would be stiff as stone. it was harrowing to see. part of the reason i was so desparate to recover some of the ppl who had been sealed inside isbecause i knew a good portion of them were still alive, and also because i couldnt stand seeing the way the tubes would be moving after being sealed. the beings sealing the ppl in there, alive or dead were... like these sort of cloaked beings... hm maybe i draw them

#dreaj

1 note · View note

judeharoldvich · 8 months

Text

stop me if im Displaying Symptoms here BUT so basically i went to the eras tour the first time on opening day friday 13th on the first possible showing dressed as evermore era and it was more or less perfect like me and my friends had fun and we got the good popcorn buckets but they werent selling the premium cups plus i really REALLY loved the movie so i decided i'd go again this friday BUT i overslept :( so i got ANOTHER ticket for today and here's the thing the night before i overslept i overslept because i couldnt sleep so i was just like scrolling on tiktok for hours and this tarot reading pops up and usually i roll my eyes BUT this guy NEVER misses and i dont follow or like his videos so i know that when he pops up its real but basically he says 'im getting saturday for some reason? something is in store for saturday lets see what it is' and he does a reading and obviously he's reading it as love-related but like tbh you can have intuition and also just interpret it wrong bc humans are fallible so i just kind of dismissed it but the saturday thing felt real somehow. anyway so i overslept of course and i was upset but i thought WELL i mean he did say saturday would be important... plus it was like raining really heavily when i did wake up so it wouldve sucked getting into town anyway so i just got another ticket for saturday and i was GOING to dress as reputation and i kind of attempted to but then realised i was actually just in a suit and leather trousers with pink sunglasses which is basically Tyler Swift from The Man which is on Lover so I was like oh well i love rep and lover equally (though i listen to lover more shhhh) so anyway no i did not meet my soulmate there nor did i really expect to HOWEVER i gave away a bunch of friendship bracelets more or less willy nilly at the end not really expecting many trades because i made them to be given out and didnt really care about getting other peoples though i got a couple and ONE of them was Daylight which i got to choose because i figured someone would have already taken my daylight one (which was maybe my favourite that id made but i was fine giving it away to make people happy). anyway so i get home and im looking through the remaining bracelets of mine and one of the only ones remaining IS MY DAYLIGHT ONE. sidenote ive loved daylight ever since i first listened to it since the very first niiight its probably in my top three its that good and it really feels Monumental you know like its the closer to the lover album which originally had NO deluxe tracks (and still only technically has one extra single) and someone once said lover is like the season finale of your twenties and thats SOO TRUE and as someone who's only in their early twenties (21!!! like all too well another of my favourites). so basically what im saying is daylight is my song daylight is the kind of relationship thats coming my way i feel it i claim it i am determined to survive my twenties and my thirties and so on however long it takes to find someone and be worthy of finding them do you know what i mean

1 note · View note

ventingoutmyass · 1 year

Text

3.21.23

just now realizing ive never talked about that person from the halloween store five months back. Not the cool name one, a different one. One who actually shares my given name, and I could write a ten-page essay on the impact of that fact alone, and if they continue to overtake my every free thought much longer, I imagine I will. I dont know how ive gone this long without mentioning them.

{this is humiliating to admit this shit, and if they ever find this i will kms about it. but documenting something so vital to my day-to-day is more important than the shame.}

I’ll make this clear here and now, I have no idea of their thoughts or feelings or intentions about me. None at all. I’m too autistic for any hints and they’re too autistic for me to read like I can read neurotypical people. I’m as in the dark as anybody else reading this; hell probably even more so.

There was no connection upon first contact like ive had before. Outside of their name, they did not cross my sightline for at least two weeks after meeting them my first day. It’s the way they naturally grew on me, and the way I feel like I grew on them.

Maybe I just romanticize everything about them. Wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last. Maybe in the time lost between then and now fades the lines too much, i dont know.

But also, maybe its the way ive never met a person who fits that weird, awkward mold of a person who could potentially pull me out of this. (again, running off the last post that it still is nearly impossible anyway). Even physically, they look almost exactly alike, its freaky. Its like theyve just brought this imaginary figure alive, with a face easier to remember, a smile I couldnt lose for years, eyes ive lost myself in the memory itself in the fresher days.

Its the way that i could pick them apart at the seams, even five months later. All the little things, in all the ways I could never find a way to pick apart in those ive loved over the years, i could so easily in them. in the “what do you love about them” ways i never could believe in the answers ive given, let alone find believable ones. I found them in this person, somehow.

Their laugh, the joy and terror at the same time. The way they looked at me, I always felt seen. I felt known, and as terrifying the thought always has been, for once it didnt hold so much weight, like maybe I could learn how to carry it.

The way they looked at me. God, what I would give to have that evidence. It happened only once, and only for a brief few seconds, but god knows the way it stopped me in my tracks. I’m a pro at hiding, but I dont know if they may have believed what I hid it behind that day; if they had even been able to in that moment. Tunnel vision, two ways, that moment. Hell knows what they were looking for in those boxes or what question I asked, but damn do I carry that moment in me with hope, hope for what exactly im unsure, but hope nonetheless.

They were friendly. always were, even when clearly overwhelmed or angry. No matter who was around, no matter where, they regarded me only with kindness. Maybe it was because I was one of the only who didnt look down on them, maybe they wanted to make a friend in me, maybe for other reasons. For as little as I knew, I still felt that I always understood them. I saw them trying, I saw them struggling. At times, they reminded me a lot of myself, for many reasons of many versions of me over the years. I envied the ways they reminded me of myself in younger years, when I would’ve taken their friendliness in stride. Then again, they wouldn’t have liked who I was then, for all my own reasons. Maybe just three or four years ago then, before things got really bad. Maybe I would’ve accepted their friendship. Maybe I would’ve made advances. Maybe not, at the same time. I’ve always been a coward.

“no new friends“ got in the way. All of it, got in the way. I’ve never questioned these decisions or second-guessed dropping them until I knew this person. A person worthy of breaking the rules for. A person I likely will never know any further. A person I will carry for a long time, if not the rest of this time. The big ‘what if‘, a symbol for the biggest ‘what if’ i’d never know. What life I could’ve lived, if life had been better. Then again, if life had been better I likely never would have known them. Unless life offers me a way out of this path, I will never know the answers.

This sucks. All of it sucks, of course, but especially this. Im not saying what I wanted to say, I dont even know what I exactly want to say, just that I have to try. I don’t want to easily forget this impact.

I’m sorry for the times I seemed disinterested. I did everything I could to dance the line perfectly, “friendly so that you know I like you as a person, though I want no friendship, but none of its your fault”, I think would be the easiest way to describe how I interacted with them.

I guess if they are reading this, I’m sorry this is so stupid and meaningless and cringey. I’ll hate myself for writing this. I already do. I imagine you’ve forgotten about me by this point, definitely lost all interest if there was any to begin with.

I’m sorry I’m not good with words. I’m sorry I couldn’t be well enough to try. You deserve better. You deserve all the good in the world. Anybody I could have potentially loved deserves far more than I could ever offer them. That is a rule I have lived by for a few years now. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this to you.

Writing is all I know.

#they had spirit #ha #i couldnt find a way to fit that joke in here sorry

0 notes

bloodycassian · 3 years

Text

darkness defined -

az or cass x reader idk if this makes sense or not but here we go, either az or cas POV where reader (their mate) was stuck under the mountain with rhys and doesn’t come back bc she is still locked in the dungeons (rhys just assumed she died, he doesn’t know she is still alive) Switch to readers POV, a few months later where they think their mate and their family (the night court) has abandoned them bc nobody ever came looking for her. Reader is like on the verge of death and uses her last energy to send a pulse down the bond. Switch back to az or cas POV who are basically freaking out with guilt and anger and worried-ness. Im sorry it’s super long don’t feel pressured to write this anytime soon idk if it even makes sense

DONT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SPECIFIC! I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF PLEASE DO MORE LOL

Cassian was a wreck. From the moment Rhys came home alone, and until the end of time it seemed to be. Azriel sighed, watching his brother down his second bottle of alcohol. His eyes were red, face gaunt and pale. The circles under those tortured eyes looked more like bruises.

He hadn't talked to Rhys much since the news came that you were gone. Cassian had practically blown the roof off the house of wind, then disappeared for two weeks. The only reason Rhys had let him was because Az followed, far behind just to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic.

Azriel watched his brother circle the mountain, only to have to turn away. Wards made by Helion himself refused entry to anyone while the mountain was still being evacuated of Fae. He glared daggers at the people streaming outside the shield. His heart was a painful stab in his chest constantly. His mate.. gone. He refused to believe it. And Azriel saw the denial there, plain as day.

Azriel had only stopped him once. When he packed a bag and started his flight to Hybern. He earned a black eye and a verbal lashing for that, but it had saved Cassian from going on a suicide mission.

After a month of being out, he went to his brother. Rhys refused to ask Helion to lower the shields around the Mountain, and finally Cassian seemed to give up. He would have gone to Helion himself, but the wards around his court prevented him from doing so. Rhys was torn up over the entire experience of under the mountain, but losing you was one of the worst parts. He would never forgive himself for losing his brother's mate.

Azriel watch his brother's eyes get more and more dull. Watched the bottles stack up. Rhys wasn't around much, busy regaining control over his city, getting updated. And keeping an eye on Spring Court. Cassian sighed when the bitter liquid hit his tongue. He drank like it was salvation. Like it would lead him back to you. Plus, it helped him sleep. It was the only time he could sleep without seeing you, without feeling that pull - the command his instincts gave. "Find me, find me. I'm here. I love you. Please." He often escaped to the cabin. To not have to talk to anyone, and to keep Rhys from stealing his bottles from him. Cassian was convinced Rhys was saving them to drink for himself. That's where he found himself flying, bottle of booze in hand. The guilt a lead weight in his stomach.

The door shut, and he finished the first bottle in an hour.

Mor appeared beside him, took the second bottle from his hand and had a long drink herself. He smiled drunkenly, showing too many teeth at her. He wasn't sure if she was actually glowing or if it was his eyes squinting too much. "Cheers." He slurred, taking the bottle back and downing more.

+ The walls were getting drier and drier with each passing day. The once cool winds that would cut through the stone dungeons were turning softer, warmer. It was a welcome relief, but without the muddy water from the walls...you knew you didn't have much left. Your spirit was crushed, on top of it. Death seemed like not a terrible option anymore. Especially knowing that your court - your friends - your family had left you. They had just... forgotten. Thrown you aside like nothing. Didn't even try to find you. Like the Winter court skeleton in the cell beside you, just left to die.

You pushed the thoughts back, knowing that logically that wasn't true. But you couldnt come up with a reason why they would leave you down here. You prayed, you tried sending thoughts down the bond. Nothing worked. Sometimes your mind got the better of you, and you would rush to the bars of your prison cell when you thought you heard faint footsteps.

Then you would hear your own voice echo back, and no one else. Eventually you stopped getting up. You let the fantasies keep you entertained while you lay on the floor. Not caring about the bugs that crawled on you. You were glad there wasn't a mirror to see yourself in. A wave of dizziness crashed over you, and you fell into darkness.

When the water ran dry, you stopped bothering calling out for Cassian. The bond was there, but saturated. Trying to grasp it was like trying to hold wind. You were too exhausted. So you propped yourself up in a corner and let the dizziness pull you under again for a moment. Taking rattling breaths, you let your mind wander to that mind bridge. That once sturdy marble that would always remind you of Cassian.

You sent out a final tug down that bond. Using the last of your energy, you put all your effort into it. "I'm here, I always will be. I love you. I'm sorry." The platform you imagined your bond being seemed to go dark, and lifeless. Empty.

+ Cassian shot upright, head spinning. Mor was asleep beside him, her feet on the table. He shook her, trying to shake the stupor. "Wake up. Wake up!" She groaned, weakly batting him away. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He wobbled to the kitchen, dunked his head in the cold sink water and slapped himself a few times. The haziness from his stupor crawled away, slowly.

Mor appeared in the archway, rubbing her eyes.

"Get Rhys. I need you to winnow us." He demanded, patting her face softly. Her eyebrows knit together but she stretched, and sleepily obliged. + You assumed the crackling was just your starved imagination. Again. But the wind changed as well, and you tried not to let your hopes up. You weakly opened your eyes, to the same familiar cell. A silent tear slid down your cheek. Then there were the shuffling of footsteps again, and you hid your face in your hands. It seemed like all the imagination tricks were attacking at once. You wanted it to stop. You wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep until you could see and hold Cassian again. Voices, now.

The sweet deep voice of a man who spoke another language. An ancient language. Your ears rang. You cracked your eyes again, to a blinding white light. You held a hand in front of your face, trying to see behind it.

A thud, and scrape of metal. Then the scent hit you. It was similar to what you had imagined but somehow a million times better. Then, his arms were around you. "Mother above." He breathed. You would have thought the mother took you at last if it wasnt for the pain in your gut.

"We got you honey, I'm so sorry. Im-" He tried to hold back a sob. You smiled weakly at the familiar, yet different eyes that you loved. The marble platform you shared seemed to be lighting up with happiness. At the same time, crumbling and falling with shame. Anguish.

Rhys began winnowing the group immediately, nodding to Helion. The high lord gave him a melancholy smile back, and winnowed himself in a flash of light. He would check the rest of the mountain with his forces and repair the wards before he returned to his home.

Everyone surrounded the healer, watching her work. Mor was trying to stay calm, but her hands shook when she held Amrens. Rhys and Azriel both had jaws clenched, shoulders tense. Watching the way Cassian's tears fell on to your shoulder as he cradled you. The healer squeezed his arm softly, silently requesting him to move. He didn't.

Azriel went to his brother, wrapping an arm around him. "Your mate needs you to be strong, Cas." He consoled, pulling him away gently. Cassian held you tighter, just for a second then nodded and let go. He held your hand firmly. His warmth missing from your body was a shock. You began shivering. Amren tugged a blanket off the guest couch nearby and placed it over your legs.

"T-thanks." you muttered. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. Her and Rhys glanced to each other. A silent conversation. You didnt care.

"Cas?" You squeezed his hand, and there he was. His pale face looked ragged. He seemed like he was struggling in every sort of way. You didnt want to imagine what he was looking at when he looked at your features. You could practically feel your cheeks sinking in, your bones losing their density. "I missed you." You smiled, trying to lift his mood.

His lips quivered, and he nodded. He kissed the back of your hand. "You wouldnt believe how much I missed you. All of us did." he glanced to Rhys. His face was blank, but that steady stream of power seemed to be crackling outside.

You let your eyes drift to each of your friends. Each of their tear stained faces were such a welcome relief. Over a month alone, their presence alone was enough to soothe that part of you that doubted their love.

Cassian kissed your forehead, before the healer's light knocked you into a peaceful sleep.

#cassian x reader #anon request #acotar #acotar fic

147 notes · View notes

missbonekitty · 3 years

Text

twisted wonderland chapter 6 stuff

so i and some friends had brainworms earlier today talking about chapter 6

these are not all my thoughts/theories

THERE’s A LOT OF RAMBLING AND HEAVY THEORYCRAFTING, SERIOUS BRAINROTTING AND GOING DEEP INTO SOME ANGST AND MENTIONS OF DEATH.

so please read at your own discretion.

CHAPTER 6 SPOILERS AHEAD

and a lot of what if’s

so basically Idia saying that the “Subjects” Charon had come to collect were actual people, not phantoms, and were capable of reasoning (paraphrasing bc i dont have the exact quotes) so they should be more careful/gentle.

Phantoms are most likely the creatures that we see behind those who OB. We know that STYX is an organization that’s dedicated to studying Overblots and we know that they collect mages who have Overblotted, Leona saying that those they take rarely come back. But I think that htey also usually only take mages who are probably still in the midst of an OB or haven’t recovered/have lasting effects. Hence why they rarely come back. (i bring up why i think they took the recovered students further on)

But what if phantoms, like the one we see in the dwarf mines, are the results of mages who were taken over completely by Overblot. They were never disconnected/torn away from the phantom (which, in the fights at least, almost seem like they’re puppeteering the mage its attached to) so they become one with/are absorbed by it.

Still alive within it, to an extent, but no longer have their own will.

---

This ties into a huge brainworm that I got about what may have happened to OG Ortho.

I was re-reading Ortho’s card/personal stories and there are a lot of little asides and things he or Idia say that clearly hint towards a medical thing with OG Ortho.

I think it’s Ortho’s alchemy uniform card? Where Idia forgot that he gave him a small arm that could get into narrow spaces (he was fixing/taking apart something.)

Idia: ...what was I trying to do, giving you all of these different functions. There’s not even any reason for those cutting-edge medical tools at this point...

Idia: I mean... I mean, originally I was...

Think it’s the same card with Ortho going out and tending to Silver’s sprained ankle. He has immediate access to (not including that he has a 3d printer on him) bandages, disinfectant, gauze, etc.

So I started wondering if maybe the original reason for the robot that is now Ortho was like.. a medical bot for OG Ortho, who I know a lot of people headcanon as having been probably frail or sickly (I heard that there might be mention that Idia and Ortho couldnt go outside much? I haven’t looked for it yet) so I FEEL like that’s a possibility given all of the medical tools built into him, and also the fact that Idia was very.. weird about it when he talked about it. Ortho also, after Idia says the above, immediately tries to cheer him up and tell him to not think about it.

(Also, despite Silver only having a sprained ankle, Ortho is extremely worried and tells him this.

Ortho: You may be sick in ways that you haven’t even realized yet, and if you don’t attack them now it could be too late.)

Which made me think that he could be referencing what may have happened to OG Ortho. told you i was deep in the brainworms.

---

Then of course there’s the theory thread that OG Ortho may have Overblotted and didn’t survive.

Which... got the brainworms going again.

What if.....

(if Phantoms are the creatures/manifestations that we see behind mages who are currently in Overblot and seem to be puppeteering them since i touched on this up above)

...what if OG Ortho Overblotted somehow back then, but they didn’t know how to stop it or separate him, and he was absorbed into the Phantom. Perhaps OG Ortho isn’t actually “dead”.

And S.T.Y.X., a company run by/created by(?) Idia’s family is so fixated on studying mages who have Overblotted because they’re trying to find a way to save/remove him from the Phantom. They’ve taken/kidnapped all of the students who have Overblotted and survived and are normal again.

Which then lead into me being like what if (if Idia is the one who ends up Overblotting at the end of Chapter 6) they try experimenting on OG Ortho’s Phantom to try to draw him back out but something goes wrong, and the Phantom disappears without OG Ortho being able to be removed.. effectively meaning they lose him.. again. I think that would make Idia OB.

I went full angst and SERIOUS THEORYCRAFTING ON A CRAZY LEVEL.

Like.. the horror of 5 year old Ortho having been still “alive” for 11 years, but trapped/absorbed inside of an Overblot phantom,only existing that way.

...

I need all of this to not be true, I want Ortho to be okay and I want Idia to be okay. and I’m positive that the students will be fine.

take all of this with the biggest fucking grain of salt because i’m desperate for more lore and i want to know what the fuck is happening/happened in the past and also i was exhausted when i was thinking about all of this. NO SLEEP THEORYCRAFTING :)

#twisted wonderland spoilers #twst chapter 6 #twst chapter spoilers #chapter 6 spoilers #idia shroud #ortho shroud #tw // death mention #twst spoilers #ive put as many tags to spoiler tag this as i can think of??#twisted wonderland #twst

94 notes · View notes