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mal3vol3nt · 26 days

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What are ur thoughts on natla?

i definitely have…. thoughts lol

but let’s start with the positives first i guess

i really liked the special effects and cgi. i thought the bending looked pretty neat, particularly the earth and fire bending (which isn’t surprising considering hollywood has spent decades improving the realism behind fire and explosion effects). the water and air bending looked cool too, but definitely didn’t look as realistic in my opinion. which isn’t a bad thing. it didn’t break my submersion or anything. tbh i thought the air and water bending looked more like they came straight out of a really enhanced video game

i liked what they did with the 41st division plot line. having that division be the crew on zuko’s ship was a really nice change from the original and humanized zuko’s character even more in my opinion. though i find it hard to believe that ozai would’ve allowed a freshly banished zuko to travel in such close quarters with a division he literally saved (something something about soldier loyalty wavering and army coups blah blah blah)

the scene of kyoshi possessing aang and getting rid of the fire nation soldiers on her island was honestly… amazing to watch. one thing about me is i LOVE watching the avatars go full avatar mode and give it to people, so that scene had me jumping in my seat cause she looked so damn cool (but i also have other thoughts about that scene and everything that led up to it that aren’t entirely positive lmao so not a complete win)

the casting for aang made me so happy. it’s no secret that aang is my baby, so if they did him dirty in casting i wouldn’t have even made it past episode 1, but gordon actually did such a good job with what he was given and i really wish the writing would have given him the chance to actually be aang. cause he has aang’s adorableness and goofiness (that we see from bts) so idk why it wasn’t utilized, but this isn’t the section for me to start talking about that

aang sending zuko away on the boat after the blue spirit rescue was everything. idk but it was done so gently and in a way that was just so aang that it makes me wanna scream

koh the face stealer. i don’t even think i gotta explain this one, but they did good with koh

so now lemme talk about what i didn’t really fw about this live adaptation. the negatives, if you will

(disclaimer: i have no issue with adaptations straying away from the original source material to make some changes or add some twists. in fact, i love it when they do. but the changes should add to the story and characters, not take away from them!! and that’s a short lil synopsis of my issues with this show)

them getting rid of sokka’s sexism. the reason the show got rid of this was because the creatives didn’t understand that the og show never presented sokka’s sexism as a good thing. he was constantly and immediately humbled when he said something stupid, and his thought process made sense for his character because he’s a boy who has never ventured outside his tribe. all he knows are the gender roles within his own culture and we see that throughout the show as he mets other people, he starts to realize that way of thinking is wrong. them removing this aspect of his character also got rid of the tension between him and katara. sokka undermines katara a lot in the og and it’s clear that that kind of underestimation is one of the fuels firing the burning anger within her. and it’s that anger, provoked by sokka’s sexism, that leads her to releasing the avatar and driving the whole show in motion. because they got rid of this, sokka and katara don’t really have any huge issue to work through, so they had to add in this weak older sibling vs little sibling conflict instead. katara blowing up because he treats her like a little kid does NOT have the same punch as her blowing up because he treats her like she’s incapable. and it also muddies the real dynamic between the two considering they’re both constantly taking care of each other due to them BOTH having to grow up quickly

sokka and suki’s development was done DIRTYYYY. again, because they got rid of his sexism, they had nothing for suki to challenge. he never questioned her legitimacy as a warrior. instead, he was immediately impressed and felt a lil insecure at how skilled she was. and she just immediately liked him cause he’s attractive ig. the whole sequence of them training together (which he didn’t even wear the kyoshi warrior outfit during DINT GET ME STARTED-) is literally just a few long minutes of them stopping to catch their breaths every couple seconds cause they’re so insanely attracted to each other. that’s all it is. suki thinks he’s cute and eyes him up and down (????? literally why), and sokka does absolutely nothing but stand there to attract her to him. SUKI??? the insanely talented warrior who humbles him multiple times, and who sokka literally begs on hands and knees to train under so he can work for her respect, was watered down to “pretty girl who likes pretty boy”

katara. literally just katara. what did they do to my girl? HOW DO YOU MAKE THE KATARA OF THE SOUTHERN WATER TRIBE BORING?? first off, water bending is not a struggle for her?? aang just gives her a very confusing pep talk where he says basically nothing, and suddenly she’s able to make a perfect water sphere without even really trying. nevermind the fact that before aang got there and spewed nonsense at her, she could barely make a ripple in the water let alone pick it up. she was also just handed the waterbending scroll—literally handed—and got insanely good off of that. no master needed, she just picked it all up no problem. the og show makes it clear that while the scrolls can teach you the basics, they do not compare to a real master. in the og, katara fights tooth and nail to get her hands on the scroll and then to later get a master. she’s so determined and works so hard to perfect her element that when she finally reaches mastery level, it feels like a reward. it feels right. but in this show, she literally doesn’t have to work hard AT ALL and only needs to hear a few encouraging words from other characters to become a master. there’s no real development in her skill. one day, she can barely make a ripple. the next? she’s sending ice spears at pakku like it’s nobody’s business. where was the development? it wasn’t there. and because she’s so good at water bending already, she has no real motivation or purpose. she’s not driven by her desperate want to learn how to waterbend under a master. she doesn’t have any real reason to be driven by anger cause what is she so angry of? sokka doesn’t undermine her. she’s already insanely talented at bending with no real training. sure, pakku won’t let her fight but that’s a stupid conflict. a stupid conflict that’s the result of them making her too skilled for a master. cause instead of her frustrated that he won’t teach her, she wastes time trying to get him to let her fight in the upcoming battle. but why does she need his permission to do that in the first place? it’s not like he’s gonna try stopping her? he and everyone else will be too busy trying not to die to care if she’s out there slicing people with ice. so really, katara is just there. she has no drive, no personality, no reason. and it feels insane to even be saying that about katara cause she’s literally katara. but natla fucked up with her and i am not about to forgive them for that

aang. i could scream. natla aang is not aang. it’s literally identity theft. where is the joy? the whimsy? the child-like qualities that make aang aang? he’s so fucking serious all the damn time. he’s 12 years old, freshly out the ice, and already behaving like he’s been at this avatar gig his whole life. he doesn’t play around or get easily distracted like he does in the early books of the show. every pitstop they make on their way to the northern water tribe isn’t the result of aang wanting to have some fun, but because people are literally telling him “hey, you should go to *insert location* because they need help and you’re the avatar”. in fact, their whole reason for going to the northern water tribe isn’t because he or katara need to learn water bending (she’s already so good and he just doesn’t feel like learning??), but because kyoshi took his hand and explained to him that something bad was about to happen and he needed to be there. literally every decision he makes is the result of someone repeating exposition we already know and telling him what he needs to do. the show literally walks the audience through everything that happens. it literally even explains to us countless times that aang is a really goofy kid who likes playing airball with his friends, but we never see it?? he never goofs. he hardly even smiles im not gonna lie. he just introduces himself as a super goofy person and we’re supposed to just take his word for it. why is he already so intense, man? not even book 3 aang was that damn serious all the time. them eliminating his joy and optimism and childishness literally makes him a shell of a character and it PISSES ME OFF. not to mention his dialogue is written like he’s always on the brink of breaking out into song. no shit i thought this show was a musical for a good few seconds cause i fully expected him to start singing when he was venting to appa 😭

aang’s “running away” scene. don’t piss me off. this show was so afraid of giving their characters any actual flaws that they got rid of one of aang’s biggest sources of guilt: him intentionally running away from the air temple. no instead, he was just clearing his head up in the sky “where everything makes more sense” and just happened to get trapped in a storm

kyoshi yelling at aang. this one goes hand in hand with the previous one, but i’m giving it it’s own bullet point. in this scene, she yells at him for running away and tells him that he better not ever do something like that again because now the world’s gone to shit and needs its avatar more than ever, essentially placing blame on him for 1) something that literally isn’t even his fault—unless they get rid of roku admitting his involvement in the war beginning—and 2) didn’t even happen?? aang didn’t run away in this version of the story. he just went on a ride with appa and got caught up in a storm. so why is kyoshi acting like it was intentional when the show makes it clear that it wasn’t?

the death of the moon spirit. the plot point about kuruk’s knife was so stupid LMAO i’m sorry it was pointless to me. and why did nobody do anything while zhao was attempting to murder the moon spirit. everyone just stood there 🧍 like hello??? more importantly, why didn’t aang do anything?? in the cartoon, he tries talking zhao down and zhao plays along like it worked, setting the moon spirit back down into the spirit water before killing it anyways. in this version, zhao never pretends like he isn’t about to kill the koi fish. and nobody makes a move to do anything until after it happens im crying 😭

aang becoming the ocean spirit. my main gripe with this scene is that it’s framed in a way that’s all about vengeance and just pure rage more than anything. but aang becoming the ocean spirit has always been, to me at least, a depiction of grief. it’s pain that the ocean spirit is expressing as it washes away the fn soldiers and ships. it’s done in a way that is, yes brutal, but also graceful and conscious. the ocean spirit is mindful of what it’s doing. it’s intentional and emotional. it’s not just striking anything and everyone out of pure rage, which is how this scene was choreographed and shot in my opinion

#this took way too long to type and i still have so many thoughts but im tired #i didn’t even mention azula but just let it be known that i have issues there too lol #natla #natla critical #aang #avatar aang #katara #sokka #avatar the last airbender #atla

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scramble-crossing · 11 months

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17 and 19

17. Character you think had the best arc

Sort of Rindo, sort of Shoka

Shoka's arc is probably the best-written in the game. She's given the most backstory out of all of the new characters, and with the main antagonists of the game being her own once happy, now crumbling family, the whole narrative is perfectly suited to fleshing out her individual storyline. There's a lot of room to develop her and the writers definitely made the most of it. It's just not my personal favourite. Shoka's a good character and all, but she didn't really click for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think Rindo's arc is pretty decisive in the fanbase? Some people think it was done well, others think it pales in comparison to Neku's. Personally I think that subtlety in a character's arc is a good thing (I say subtlety lightly, Rindo's deal becomes pretty obvious if you're paying attention in the right places) but it's not really in the twewy spirit. Neku set a standard of heavily flawed protagonists with very clear deficits of character to the point of starting off as flat-out unlikable, and while early Rindo does teeter towards this, it feels like the writers didn't commit to it entierly. Or didn't want to. Or couldn't.

One of Rindo's biggest problems is that the medium he's in can be counterintuitive to what his arc is trying to achieve. Rindo is supposed to be a weak-willed, indecisive train wreck who constantly hoists responsibility onto others so that he can avoid the consequences of having made the wrong decision. And while this does come across, it's hampered by the fact that as the player character, you are constantly taking control of and making decisions for him. He starts to feel less like the kind of person who's incapable of making a choice, and more like someone who can and will when it really comes down to it.

I dont think his arc is bad or especially unclear. I think it can be easy to forget what his deal is supposed to be when from the player's perspective, he's been in control this whole time, even when the narrative is trying its best to tell you that this isn't the case. You've gotta look just a teensy tiny bit closer into what he's thinking and saying over what you're leading him to do.

It also doesn't help that the most obvious instances of him being indecisive or having lingering doubts are entierly reasonable. For example, it is a huge decision whether or not to trust a rival team leader who's survival depends on your demise. Really, it starts to feel more like Rindo is being understandably cautious and Fret is the one at fault for pushing him to make a quick decision based at least in part on his crush. He's not at all impartial, and Rindo doesn't push it down to the wire enough for it to be a major issue.

Also!!! The absolute biggest issue I take with Rindo's arc is that he never abuses his Replay in a way that would've made sense for an arc centered around avoiding responsibility. He's pretty much always forced to use it during situations that are out of his control because they could've only been avoided with information that he didn't have at the time. So much of the Soul Pulvis generated isn't Rindo's fault at all. It's Nagi's for exploding him with her mind or Minamimoto's for withholding his help (twice!) with the express purpose of triggering a Replay, or its because he and the others were held up by completely unforeseeable circumstances caused by Noise or other Players. Had Rindo been forced to use Replay for situations he undeniably caused because of his inability to make a decision, or even better, if he'd started to make decisions apathetically knowing that he can just go back and fix it if it didn't work out, I think his arc could've absolutely shone and even rivaled Neku's, as iconic as it was.

This has become a whole essay now and I'm sorry. The TLDR is that Rindo's arc is good, but it definitely has its faults. Some are on the part of the writers, but some are unavoidable based on the fact that he's the player character and is going to be subject to some projection that might make him appear to be more of a leader than he was in the early days of the game. It could've been better, but it's definitely not as bad as some people make it out to be.

19. Overall, do you prefer the first game's cast or Neo's?

In retrospect the second game is filled with so many recurring characters that this is a hard question to answer. Plus there was pretty even focus on the Reapers vs the Players whereas the first game was pretty solidly concerned with the core Hachiko Gang, and every other character was designed with the intent of contrasting with them in some regard (Konishi and Beat's whole mind vs the heart deal for example). It's kind of an unfair comparison since both games set out to accomplish different and not necessarily better or worse things with their casts, but in general I've got a bigger soft spot for twew1's cast over neo's. I like the Shibuya Reapers a lot. I'm literally writing a whole collection of drabbles about them being friends. It's some kind of brainworm idk

#I need to stop talking now I think #ask

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bonefall · 2 years

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Questions

Does Squirrelflight have another mate or kits (Juniper and Dandelion) or is she chillin?

Does Russetfur have kits? She’s a clean slate if you don’t have her and Raggedstar share a father. I’ve seen some say Redwillow could work as her son but who knows.

What’s Bramblestar and Jessy’s relationship like? Same with their kits

Hope your day going great bones and remember to hydrate

Does Squilf have another mate or kits?

Not currently! I don't think she really needs one, honestly. I know a lot of people write her as finding happiness with someone else after breaking away from Bramble, but in my mind, I want to give her satisfaction in her family, in power over her clan, in doing the right thing, in all of the other things in her life more important than romantic love.

I wouldn't be against letting her get with someone though! But only if it shakes up that way as I get into the specifics of the story. Imo it's more important to give her a satisfying arc with finding a new mate as a possible nice bonus, if that makes sense.

(I will mention that Daisy is the only current candidate, as they are both having arcs about moving on from bad mates and they might end up having a lot in common. But also this is just a scintilla of an idea at the moment.)

She will also not be having any bio-kits; Squilf is infertile! Weird that they just sorta obliterated the only fertility issues in the whole series...

Does Russetfur get kits?

Not impossible! But unlikely. Something about Russetfur to me feels child-free.

If she has kits, she will probably be a surrogate and the litter will be raised by another couple, ergo be counted as that couple's children for all intents and purposes.

I do want to casually drop, though, that Hal will be getting some major rewrites. He is now a leader of BloodClan, and, I am tentatively planning large changes to how Chelford Township cats view fatherhood. Depending on how those changes go, it might not even be relevant if Hal is their sire or not.

Bramblestar and Jessy

I think the biggest thing to remember with abusive partners is that there's no perfect partner that could 'fix' them. Though growth is possible and I very strongly believe that anyone can change, I feel equally as strongly that most abusers don't. So, I'm actually reaaaally trying to be careful with them.

I don't want to frame Bramble as someone incapable of improvement... but at the same time, I'm not sure if he's the sort of person who actually would. Especially with him being the Clan Leader, an unaccountably high social position. That said, I'm also not interested in just turning Bramblestar into a demon that I just beat with the narrative for catharsis, if that makes sense...

I am leaning towards having them together for a few books, before Jessy breaks it off with him after Bramblestar, inevitably, starts up the cycle anew with her.

I even actually considered her taking Alder in the divorce, returning to her twolegs, with Alder eventually being drawn back to the Clans. To make for a more 'clear' reason why Bramble is so often dismissive of him and his concerns-- clan xenophobia. I'm not very fond of how AVOS glossed over Squilf and Bramble as parents, it ended up sort of implying both of them were toned down personality-wise.

But I'm still unsure if she even leaves ThunderClan, because she does end up with a very respectable position as an excellent builder and general problem-solver. I'm not sure if she should want to give that up.

So TL;DR I've been waffling a lot with my drafts and don't have hard answers yet.

The Bramble/Jessy litter

I mentioned Alderheart earlier, but Sparkpelt is kind of an inverse situation. No matter what happens with Jessy, Spark absolutely excels at her tasks and has a huge interest in clan history. She does a lot to impress her dad and live up to his legacy, hoping to continue the family tradition of becoming leaders of their clans.

Tigerstar is an inevitable part of that history, but Bramblestar named her after his mentor, Firestar. She holds him in high regard, a sort of familial respect towards the cat who saved their legacy by opposing Tigerstar. Because of this, she is apprenticed to Squirrelflight, and they become extremely close.

In contrast to canon that sort of implies Bramblestar was a better father to his first litter than to his second one, I think Bramble was more present for Sparkpaw. Not neccesarily as a nurturing father, but as a quite assertive one. Like a paternal teacher of sorts, keeping her informed on the family stories, social expectations, doing a lot of personal training. Not in a strict way, more... authoritative, is probably the best word for it. Still somewhat emotionally distant, however, though he is trying.

He is also proooobably prone to jealousy, when Sparkpaw is closer to her mentor than to him. I think this eventually causes fights to break out between father and daughter, as Bramble suddenly gets colder and Sparkpelt realizes that she can't just over-achieve her way out of his emotional problems.

I have a huge fondness for complex family dynamics, in case it isn't obvious.

ANYWAY I'm running out of room for Dandelionkit and Juniperkit to fit into the narrative, honestly. I've considered their deaths to be the start of "The Fight" that lead to Jessy and Bramble's kitty divorce, but I don't think Bramblestar is THAT KIND of bad. If anything, it would temporarily cause him to treat Jessy less badly, if they had brewing issues, as these situations make him do in-canon.

I may end up just eliminating them both entirely... giving them to Squilf as a rough pregnancy and stillborn litter seems cruel, unless I shuffle them back earlier to be 'born' at the same time as Holly/Lion/Jay.

#Thanks for the Rewrite asks btw #Makes a good break between me violently shaking main series characters in my mouth #Bonefall Rewrite #I did have a good day btw!#We had like 7 graves to visit and managed to tag 5 before the rain chased us out #Found out apparently I have an ancestor who drove tanks in WW2 so that's cool!#When we visited my Great Great Grandpa we started googling the division he served in and the sun came out as my mom read it out loud #Like right before the clouds rolled back in and it started raining #It was both awe-inspiring and funny because it was right around the moment she says #`Apparently (division) served /w British infantry and got jam and tea as rations causing them to descend on France in search of real food`#Like GGGrandpa was out here trying to REALLY DRIVE IT HOME that British rations sucked LMAOOO #Used his magic ghost powers to make the sun shine down upon dunking on the British #Absolute legend thank you GG Grandpa #Bramblestar #Russetfur #Sparkpelt #Squirrelflight #Alderheart #Jessy #Jesse

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bonesandthebees · 1 year

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do you have an opinion on The Host movie? (asking bc ik you've read the book and I just watched the movie again)

you know those jokes about how if you ask someone with adhd or autism about a subject they're fixated on you gotta be prepared for a wall of text

yeah that's me right now though idk if i'm gonna type a whole wall of text I just have the kill bill sirens going off in my head rn because oh BOY I have opinions on The Host movie.

I'm gonna put it under a read more but just be warned my opinion is not a positive one

okay full disclosure I have not seen the movie in roughly 7 years or so because after I saw it once or twice I refused to watch it ever again

anyway I fucking hated the movie

I think the biggest issue I had with the movie was the way they framed it as being more about Melanie than Wanda. the entire POINT of the book was Wanda's journey into finding herself and her home with humanity. Wanda was the main character of the book and this was essential to the theme of the entire thing. but the movie made it about Melanie. and the thing is, in the book, Melanie is not a good person. and this is okay! she's a flawed human and that's why it's so impactful that Wanda comes to love her so much. because Melanie is impulsive, bratty, jealous, and has next to no self-control. this is not me criticizing her character. I love Melanie as a character. she's so intrinsically human and that's why she makes such a great juxtaposition to Wanda. but the movie didn't seem to get this. it was so focused on Melanie's side and not Wanda when Wanda is the driving force and the most important character in the story.

also I didn't appreciate the unnecessary added drama. like the Seeker was almost comically evil in the movie to a point where she didn't even feel like a soul. I know in the book she was described as being very different from most souls anyway but there were still traits of souls recognizable to her, whereas the Seeker in the movie felt very different. again it's been 7 or so years so I could be misremembering, so sorry if I am, but yeah. that felt weird too.

also iirc the movie didn't talk about any of Wanda's previous lives at all? or any of the other planets the souls took over?? which was a huge chunk of interesting worldbuilding lost. also the souls in general were just framed as being wholly bad and evil when in the book it really emphasizes that they DO care. they genuinely think they're helping other species by taking them over and keeping them from self-destructing. is it murder? yes, but not to the souls. the souls don't do this out of malice because they're incapable of even feeling malicious towards others. and the movie really just missed that.

I would say Jared felt like a flat piece of bread in the movie because he did but also he literally felt like that in the book too so. guess they got that right. Ian though... they flattened my boy he was so much more interesting in the book gahhhh so much lost potential there.

I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna write a wall of text and here I am. I could probably say more but I'm gonna cut myself off there. I think part of the issue is that the book is really big and a lot of it is the slow shift in dynamics Wanda has with everyone and it hinges so much on her internal thought process which is difficult to get across on screen. But also it just sucked. even if I hadn't read the book it was still a bad movie overall imo. I'm just gonna keep rereading the book every few years and pretend the movie never happened.

#ask #anon #the host

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bad-surprise · 1 year

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For the writer ask game! (answer however many you want I'm just way too curious lol)

❤️💥🚀🥳🌻💛🔮(asking for a friend for that one 😅)🎨

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

again, i can’t pick a definitive favorite, but i’m really proud of this bit from chapter 4 of the shark in your water

If ever a need should arise for Galadriel to provide a full physical description of Halbrand— if he were to go missing or something— she feels certain she would struggle to provide a cohesive image. Her mind breaks him down into pieces, as though the sum total of the man is far beyond her processing capacity. Every attempt to consider him as a whole leaves her stranded in the same limbo she encounters when peering at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror for too long. He exists as a hand on her skin, the curve of a shoulder, a set of smirking lips, or, most frequently, varying shades of green.

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

i write a non-canon ship so i think i’d probably want to make that canon so we could end the silly arguments around it haha

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

up until a few months ago i was huge on outlining. now i tend to keep more of a loose, very flexible concept in my head, and i might write down key moments. i almost always know the ending before i begin, but so many of my favorite bits of my fics have come about well into writing them.

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

i abandoned a novel in 2019 and didn’t write a word for two years while dealing with some health issues that i still haven’t fully recovered from.

i really lost my confidence during that time and felt completely incapable of doing anything for myself, but decided i wanted to write again right around the time rings of power came out. i wrote a novel while reading other fics, then in december finally decided to take a chance and post my own work and now y’all can’t get rid of me.

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

in their entirety? almost never. as they get longer i find myself needing to go back more frequently to check that the general shape of the fic feels correct, but i find it really cringe inducing to read my own work until a significant amount of time has passed. i generally think everything i write is trash until i have at least a month away from it.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

i think i’ve found a lot more freedom in writing since i started writing haladriel. i remember sitting in college classes and feeling envious of my classmates because it felt like they had no internal censor. through writing this ship— and particularly writing dark content— i’ve really been able dismantle a lot of my preconcieved notions about myself and my writing. i don’t know if that’s a decent answer, but it’s the one i’ve got.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

oof. i really struggle with this. the biggest thing i would say is that it’s a lot easier to write if you’re letting yourself be a full person. i always say i’m too busy to read, but when i find time for it, the difference in my work is incredible. i also would say maybe try another creative pursuit that isn’t writing?

but more than anything? just remind yourself that it will pass. you will write again, even if it feels impossible.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

i answered this in the last ask i got, but honestly, the idea of anyone making fanart for my silly little stories makes me smile.

#answered #fic writer ask game

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 2 years

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The Heart Principle by Helen Hoang is this year's biggest disappointment for me! (No Spoiler!)

‘Heloise the book addict’ masterlist | Heloise’s map

I don't like to be mean about books because I understand everyone has a different perspective when reading and we all have different taste, but damn, I was more disappointed in The Heart Principle by Helen Hoang than the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas which says a lot, because that was a huge let down for me.

Now I'm not saying it's a bad series, because it isn't. I liked the first and second books, The Kiss Quotient and The Bride Test, both got 4 stars from me. But my excitement for finally reading Quan's story got trampled on so hard I could not have predicted it even if I wanted to.

I'm still absolutely fuming!

Apparently Anna is a loose portrayal of Helen, or so she said at the end of the book. Part of me didn't want to say anything, since the author compared herself to the character and I feel like it would be a personal attack, even though it wouldn't. But another part of me knows that this was only a contemporary fiction book and I have every right to rant about a character.

So, to clear it up, I will indeed be ranting about Anna and her relationship with Quan, because this man deserved the world and she didn't give it.

I was— I am— I have been so furious with Anna, I can't even put it into words. She has had a hard life, noone is questioning that, nor would I ever dare so, because people go through similar situations, similar life experiences all the time and I can't even understand half of what hardships they have to overcome. However, I expected a romance book with obstacles that our FMC, Anna, and our MMC, Quan, would have to overcome to be able to get/stay together.

That was not the case!

I have read 300+ pages about our MMC, Quan, struggling with "something" (no spoiler!) that has fundamentally changed him not only physically but mentally and emotionally, only for him to give everything he could to our FMC, Anna, and get back nothing! He has given love, care, support, kindness, understanding, an endless list, only for our "dear" Anna to give back nothing. Not a bloody thing.

*Okay, let's take a breather, I'm not supposed to be this emotional over fictional characters!*

By all means, people go through hardships, in and out of relationships. It's completely normal. But! But for 300+ pages I read nothing but how Quan has given himself fully to Anna, only for her to just accept it all, but not give back a thing. Nothing. Zero. Nada. And no (to those who read it) even her "redemption arc" could not save her for me. That was just a low excuse to show that she could be vulnerable and trusting.

No! No! Not good enough! This woman has been leaning on Quan's shoulder about everything. We know she could be trusting and vulnerable. I understand it was supposed to show that she was completely opening up to Quan, but no, I can't accept that. That man was giving Anna everything. EVERYTHING! Only for this woman to take, take, take and if I wasn't clear enough, TAKE!

I can't decide if I hated Anna, or I didn't like that Helen wrote Quan's struggles as if they were nothing. Or possibly both. I feel like Quan needed the same amount of support (his whole damn life changed!) but all attention was on Anna. Anna who was incapable of giving any of the care, love, support and understanding to Quan that she got.

*Deep breath!*

I understand this is a controversial opinion, and I also get that we won't agree on this, but Quan was struggling just as much as Anna and throughout the whole book, his struggles were only mentioned, whilst Anna was made out to be someone I was supposed to feel sorry for or empathise with. I couldn't. I understand her autism played a part in her behaviour, but in the previous two books we didn't have this issue. In this book the focus was on Anna so much that Quan's just as real struggles were pushed aside and I can't accept that. Quan deserved so much more! Whether he could have had someone else or Anna should have worked so damn hard, 100x harder than what she did as a dumb "redemption" that was just a damn cop-out.

If I offended someone I'm really sorry, but this really provoked my patience.

#heloise the book addict #heloise reads #helen hoang #the heart principle #the kiss quotient #the bride test #bookblr #bookish #books #bookstagram #booktok #booktwt #bookworm #book review #bookish rant #book rant

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black-licorice-lingerie · 3 years

Text

A Look Into Billy Lenz’s Personality (from the book)

Okay so this is going to be my own interpretation of what we learn in the Black Christmas novelization. Specifically, I’m going to be going over the things Billy says. If you’re a huge fan of Black Christmas, or just Billy Lenz and you wish to learn more about him or the whole story, I highly suggest you go check it out right here: (https://100vampirenovels.net/pdf-novels/black-christmas-by-lee-hays-free).

That being said, let’s take a peak at Billy’s personality:

Based on what my 2 am notes describe, Billy is very much socially awkward as the story makes it clear that Billy really wants to communicate with the sorority house beyond using the telephone. Billy actually HATES using the telephone (shocker I know), but is SO shy at talking with others that he can’t help but hide away and establish a distanced method of speaking. This pretty much tells us that Billy can’t help but be afraid of interacting with other people. Billy’s social ineptitude is even shown near the part where he viciously stabs Barb to death. Upon seeing Jess and Barb talk to each other about nightmares and Peter, Billy is depicted as really longing for the kind of communication Jess and Barb are showing.

Another, but small note on Billy’s personality is that he comes across as a bit judgmental. When Barb picks up the phone and talks to her mom about life and such, she gets a bit sassy in attitude. Billy, of course listening to this, begins to judge Barb for daring to speak to her own mother that way. He’s bewildered from Barb having the courage to speak to her mother, an authority figure, in such a snappy tone. Interestingly enough, this points that Billy knows social standards (how and how not to talk to people), but can’t bring himself to properly talk with people to display his mannerism knowledge.

A BIG aspect of Billy’s personality is, without a doubt, insecurity. When Clare is packing her belongings to leave the sorority house, she suspects that Claude is in the room. She calls out to Claude, calling him names for being a silly pet. Billy, who was hiding in the fucking closet for whatever reason, hears this and actually thinks she’s talking about him. After feeling insulted, Billy lost it and murdered Clare with a plastic bag. The thoughts in his head say that he didn’t mean, or want to murder Clare, but that she “left him no choice” for “bullying” him. Clare’s death is an example of how anxious Billy is about himself, showing how he thought a casual conversation towards a cat was about him. He does NOT like being insulted to the point where he reacts violently. Billy has the urge to drastically “defend” himself when he feels insulted in any way.

Possessiveness also seems to be a personality trait of Billy. After having murdered the shit out of Clare and stashing her body up in the attic, he recognizes her father visiting the sorority house. Obviously, Clare’s father is trying to figure out what the fuck happened to her, but Billy’s annoyed at this. Billy describes Clare (at least her corpse) in a way you’d describe an item. Billy’s irritated at Clare’s father coming about and looking for her, because in Billy’s sick mind (the story in his POV), Clare belongs to him now. So not only is Billy hyper-aggressive when he feels insulted, but he has the sick urge to add insult to injury by “claiming” the body of his victims as his toy-like belongings. Clare “insulted” him, and she “paid” for it. To make himself feel better, Billy takes Clare’s body up into where he’s staying, a twisted mimicry of a child getting a toy, or obtaining a friend. That way, Clare surely won’t “mock” Billy anymore, as he now “owns” her.

However, Billy also has self awareness. The story later begins to show that Billy doesn’t like what his mind forces him to believe, and how he behaves. When Mrs. MacHenry is searching the house for Claude, Billy hopes that she doesn’t reach the attic because once she does, he won’t be able to stop himself. Billy hates this about himself.

In conclusion…Billy is clearly mentally ill. Very, very mentally ill. It’s shown that Billy is aware of how to behave towards others, and does (in fact) have a sense of right and wrong since his murderous actions come back to disgust him. However, he’s also very incapable of properly establishing communication between himself and other people. He’s also violently insecure about himself, along with being possessive towards others. He sees that what he does is awful, and even knows the ins and outs of how one should treat authority figures.

Billy’s personality is under an attack of cognitive dissonance, leading him to even more stress. Deep down inside, despite the sociopathic behaviors, Billy hates that this is an uncontrollable aspect of his brain. Billy wants to be a normal person, Billy wants to be liked, and he doesn’t want to rely on the telephone just to get issues off of his chest. However, something, or some things happened in Billy’s past if he can’t help but behave so hellacious. Billy was so abused and traumatized by events in his childhood, that despite his morality (self sufficient or taught), he can’t help but put on a fight in the name of defending himself. Whatever ridicule, beating, and verbal abuse Billy encountered has cemented into his brain, establishing a psychological illness that leaves him incapable of navigating unfavorable situations other than “attack, attack, attack”.

Billy not being able to control his horrendous actions points to an error in his mind. However, there are many mental illnesses that create a warped view of reality, and a hindered ability to control oneself. So while Billy definitely suffers from a psychological disorder, it’s impossible to get an idea of what exactly he may have...until we use his phone calls to analyze his history and how his mind interprets it, but we’ll have to save that for later in the day.

Anyways, this was my particular analysis of (1974) Billy Lenz’s personality! I wish you all a good ass week, at least better than how I’m reacting to my online class assignments. Remember, stay a simp for slashers.

#billy lenz #black christmas (1974)#character analysis #personality #personal interpretation #slasher #slashers #mental illness #horror #attic man #nasty billy #headcanon #novelization

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ncssian · 3 years

Text

A Favor: Part Twenty-One

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: as someone who is physically incapable of reading fics and other long tumblr posts line by line and word for word, i think it’s so fucking cool that a bunch of you regularly, excitedly read what i post. i would not blame you at all for skim reading. thank you.

***

The majority of Cassian’s life was spent battling with the fact of his own existence. First he was fatherless, then motherless, then homeless. Being taken in by Rhys’s parents, who bought him nice clothes and nicer gifts, was like putting a bandaid over a stab wound. It couldn’t change the questions that made up Cassian at his core: was he equal to everyone else in this world, or had he been born inherently inferior? Did he deserve the same happinesses that his friends so carelessly reaped, or should he step back and know his place?

The older he grew, the more he grappled with those questions—until the night he learned who his father was, and the truth behind his existence. That he was likely a product of rape. Nearly driving himself drunk off a mountainside in Monte Carlo was enough to make him realize with a startling clarity: he couldn’t keep asking himself the same questions for the rest of his life. At some point, he was going to have to buck the fuck up and make his peace with the world, whether he believed he deserved to be in it or not. And though it might have taken him a while to reach that conclusion, Cassian can proudly say he did it. Not long into his post-college years, Cassian finally grew up.

By twenty-seven, he was secure enough in himself and his place in the world to not have to deal with those doubtful voices every waking minute. His life was figured out, and his ego was unshakeable. Until Nesta Archeron entered the story.

Now at twenty-eight, Cassian is again unsecured—this time in a less tragic but more confusing way. Because everything he thinks he knows about himself, about life, she insists on proving wrong.

Including the issue of celebrating his birthday.

“I feel like I should have asked this earlier,” Cassian mutters to Nesta as they stand in the cozy resort lobby, “but why is Az here?”

Nesta looks both humiliated and resigned when she mutters back, “He wouldn’t pay for the resort unless I let him come with us.”

“At that point you should’ve just let me pay, babe.” He watches Azriel’s back as he chats up the lady at the front desk while getting their room keys.

“On your own birthday? It would have ruined the point,” Nesta says.

Cassian doesn’t retort that having his brother present at their couple’s retreat also ruins the point. He’s sure she already knows.

Nesta’s reaction when Cassian told her that he didn’t celebrate his birthday was unforgettable.

“No one in our inner circle really cares about birthdays,” he had shrugged. “Feyre’s birthday is the exception because she’s sort of the outsider, and Rhys will find any excuse to worship at her feet. But the rest of us? I don’t know, it was never a big deal.”

As someone who’s never skipped a birthday once in her life, even when she was isolated and ignoring her family’s phone calls, Nesta took this as a personal offense. “I need to get you out of this cabin,” she stated.

Which brings them here, to Colorado’s finest ski resort situated high in the Rocky Mountains. The lobby is littered with overstuffed armchairs and a crackling fireplace, and huge windows look out over the blinding white mountains.

Az starts heading their way, key cards in hand, when Cassian suddenly turns to Nesta. “We need to find him a woman,” he whispers.

“What?”

“We can’t let him third wheel with us for the whole weekend. We’ll never get time alone.” Cassian is set on this new plan, already scanning the lobby for women around Azriel’s age.

“I agree, but—”

Azriel reaches the two of them, tossing a room card to Nesta. “You can stop talking about me now. I’ll be spending most of my time hitting the slopes.”

Cassian and Nesta mumble a halfhearted, “We weren’t talking about you.”

He narrows his eyes at them. “Uh-huh. Just remember whose credit card this is going on.” Picking up his ski gear and duffel bag, he turns for the elevator.

Nesta frowns up at Cassian once Az is gone, more adorably than she probably intends. “Do you think he’s upset?”

He scoffs. “We should be upset at him.” He doesn’t want to have to worry about his brother while he’s on vacation, and Az definitely wouldn’t want him to worry either, but it isn’t something that can be helped.

Despite his irritation, he might go skiing with Az later this afternoon. Just to keep him company.

***

Nesta will give it to Azriel—he’s a man of fine taste, and also generous with his spending. She originally wanted a normal room for her and Cassian, preferably the cheapest one, but Az went behind her back and upgraded them to a fully decked out penthouse suite.

“This is too much for just a weekend,” she tells him over the phone while Cassian is in the bathroom. “How am I supposed to pay you back for this?”

“Why would you pay me back?” he says dismissively. “I’m rich.”

When Nesta tries arguing with him, he only replies, “I don’t take money from poor people,” and hangs up on her.

Which leaves Nesta to enjoy the four-spray shower and heated bathroom tiles free of charge. By the time she comes out of the shower, Cassian has already left with Azriel to hit some slopes before dinner, though not before leaving her a note promising to teach her how to ski tomorrow.

Nesta doesn’t even get to unwrap her towel from her body before realizing her phone is ringing incessantly, all the way from the other side of the suite. Jogging over to the living area, Nesta answers Emerie’s call. “What’s up?”

“Where are you?” Emerie greets without introduction.

“At the ski lodge?” Nesta answers, confused. “I already told you, for Cassian’s birthday.”

“I know that,” Emerie hisses. “I mean what room are you in? This place is huge.”

“Wait—you’re here?” Nesta looks quickly around herself, as if Emerie will pop up from behind the couch.

“Not just me. So is Gwyn.” Nesta hears rustling on the other side of the line, and then Emerie saying from a distance, “Answer for your crimes, Gwyneth. Say hi.”

A new, clearer voice comes over the phone. “Hiii, Nesta.” Gwyn sounds weak, like she is not having fun at all.

“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” Nesta demands.

“Well, it’s a long story and I need to see you first. Also, I have to pee. Where is your room?”

Five minutes later, Gwyn and Emerie are sitting obediently before the roaring fireplace in Nesta and Cassian’s suite.

Now fully dressed, Nesta stabs a finger at Emerie. “Explain.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Emerie says indignantly. “Gwyn barged into my place at eight in the morning and dragged me all the way here—”

“It was an emergency!” Gwyn tosses her hands in the air. “It still is an emergency. That’s why we’re here.”

“I’m here because Gwyn is scared of traveling alone,” Emerie interjects. “And driving on highways.”

“Guys!” Nesta snaps.

Gwyn makes a whining sound of defeat and drops her head into her hands. After a long moment, she speaks. “He asked if we could go to dinner together. Like, right to my face. And I panicked and said yes, because I couldn’t think of a reason to say no, but obviously I can’t do that. So this morning I cashed in my sick days and told him I was going on vacation for a whole week.” Gwyn looks up at Nesta with pleading teal eyes. “Please can we stay here the whole week?”

Nesta stares at Gwyn, feeling like her brain was just sucked dry. “First of all, who’s ‘he’?”

“Max!” She stands in her outburst. “The love of my life. The man who works on the fourth floor of the library. Do you pay attention to the groupchat at all?”

Oh yeah, that guy. “You came all the way here,” Nesta drawls out slowly, “so you wouldn’t have to have dinner with your crush?”

“It wasn’t just any dinner.” Gwyn flops back onto the couch. “It was a date. I can’t go on a date with him. First dates lead to second dates, and second dates lead to—sex.” She whispers the last word.

“Really?” Emerie frowns, not missing a beat at the mention of Gwyn’s deepest fear. “What kind of dates have you been having?”

“I haven’t been having any dates,” Gwyn says. “Why, how long do you usually see someone before doing it?”

“First date, at most,” Emerie shrugs.

“No,” Nesta steps in, sending Emerie a bewildered look. “Gwyn, you’ve known this guy for a while now. If he’s half as decent as you think he is, he won’t expect sex by the second date. And even if he does—”

“What does it matter?” Gwyn wails. “It’ll come up eventually. And when it does, he’ll think I’m a freak.”

“He won’t get a chance to think anything before I kill him,” Emerie says, eyes darkening.

Nesta says nothing, knowing this is something she can’t advise Gwyn about. Whether or not Gwyn chooses to share her past and unresolved trauma with another man, and whether or not that man reacts in an unshitty way isn’t something Nesta can determine. So she just states for the record, “You’re not a freak.”

“But it’s what he’ll think.”

“Then you shouldn’t be with him in the first place,” Nesta says firmly. Even though she knows better than anyone that it isn’t always that simple.

Proving her point, Gwyn scoffs and looks away. “You don’t get it.”

“What I really don’t get,” Nesta says, “is why you took your lie so literally. Why did you come all the way out here instead of hiding out at home for the week?”

“Merrill sees and knows everything. I can’t lie to her.” Gwyn cringes. “If I stayed at home, she would sniff me out as soon as she got me on the phone, and then I’d really be screwed.”

Nesta cocks her head at Gwyn, squinting her eyes in something akin to fascination.

“I had the same reaction,” Emerie pipes up. She shakes her head at Gwyn. “I’ve never met a more melodramatic idiot, truly.”

Gwyn curls into herself on the couch, looking ashamed.

Nesta sighs sharply, then whips out a hand. “Give me your wallets. I’ll go downstairs right now and see if I can book a room last minute.”

Emerie sits up at that. “Uh… I’m not sure I can afford a place like this.”

“Neither can I,” Nesta says. “That’s why Azriel paid for all of us.”

Gwyn’s eyes go comically round. “Azriel’s here?”

“Unfortunately.” She snaps her fingers at both girls. “Credit or debit, now.”

“So… I’m assuming we can’t just share this huge suite with you guys, huh?” Gwyn says hesitantly.

There might be actual flames in Nesta’s eyes. This is Cassian’s birthday, goddammit. Cassian, who hasn’t celebrated a birthday since he was eleven. “Please don’t push me.”

Gwyn and Emerie, very reluctantly, hand their cards over to Nesta. Emerie hands over two, just in case.

In the end, Nesta doesn’t use any of their money, but charges the new room to her own account. She’ll work it off by putting extra hours into Night Court, she tells herself.

When she returns to the penthouse suite, she spies tracks outlined in melted snow at the doorway. Shit. She barges inside to find Cassian and Azriel standing in the middle of the living area, with Emerie looking awkward on the couch.

“Uh, we just got back—” Cassian starts.

“I can explain,” Nesta interrupts.

A faucet turns off in the distance, and Gwyn peeks her head out of the bathroom door.

“Oh, shit,” Azriel says in delight. “Freckles is here too?”

Gwyn looks like she’s about to turn right back around to the bathroom. Nesta and Cassian both throw Az a baffled look, but Nesta says, “I can fix this. I’ve already fixed it.” She goes over to Emerie and hands her a key card. “You and Gwyn are going to stay on the first floor, and you won’t bother me or Cassian for the duration of our stay. It’ll be like you’re not even here.” She whips toward Gwyn, who still hovers near the bathroom doorway. “And at the end of this weekend, you’re going back to work like the adult you are and taking care of your shit.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gwyn says quietly, lowering her head.

Cassian comes over to Nesta, whispering, “So, you didn’t invite them to keep Az company or anything, right?”

“I can hear you,” Azriel says.

“Of course not,” Nesta whispers back. “That’s a terrible idea.”

“Really? Because I thought it was kind of convenient—”

“I can still hear you,” Az repeats.

“So can I,” Emerie nods.

“Shut up,” Nesta hisses at the both of them. Grabbing Cassian’s still-gloved hand, she drags him upstairs and away to their bedroom. When the door shuts behind them, she turns to him and blurts, “I’m so sorry.”

Cassian only laughs, taking his ski jacket off and brushing away the wet snow from the back. “I’m not.” He tosses his jacket and gloves over a chair and approaches Nesta, tugging her closer by her oversized turtleneck. “And what did I tell you about wasting your apologies?”

Nesta doesn’t care. “I ruined your birthday.”

“My birthday’s not until tomorrow,” he says with a straight face. “But honestly, I like this a lot more than just you, me, and Az. At least he can’t third wheel anymore, right?”

She shakes her head insistently, frustration boiling in her blood. “Everything’s going wrong.”

“But you solved our problems.” He finds Nesta’s clenched fists and unfurls them with gentle hands. “You got the girls their own room, and now Az can be distracted with those two. We can still be alone. We win.”

Nesta purses her lips, unconvinced, when Cassian adds, “But seriously, though—what the fuck are they doing here?”

She exhales deeply, letting her head drop forward onto Cassian’s chest. “I don’t know,” she mutters. “Gwyn panicked about some personal stuff and thought it was a good idea to come to me. I don’t want to make her leave, though.” Gwyn is being stupid right now, without a doubt, but Nesta won’t abandon her. Neither will Emerie.

God, having friends sucks.

Cassian threads a hand through her loose hair and hums. “Gwyn was smart for coming to you.”

***

Dinner is held outside in the snow and cold, but everyone bundles up and sits down at a table that surrounds one of the multiple fire pits in the courtyard. Cassian convinced Nesta to let Gwyn and Emerie hang out with them for the weekend, because what else are those poor girls supposed to do, and now the women babble over each other as they decide what to drink.

Cassian sits back and takes it in, the sight feeling heartwarmingly familiar and strangely brand new at the same time. Nesta ends up being the one to order everybody’s drinks, and once the waiter scampers back inside, Gwyn releases a terse breath. “Sometimes I still get scared of that tone.”

“I’m always scared of it,” Az mutters, eyeing Nesta from the corner of his eye.

“What tone?” Cassian laughs. He knows Nesta is still a little wound up from her plans going off the rails, but she hasn’t done anything scary.

“I’m used to it,” Emerie says through a mouthful of fries, “but I think that waiter almost cried.”

“That’s how I sound all the time.” Nesta shrugs, sitting back.

“What tone?” Cassian repeats.

Nesta clicks her tongue impatiently. “You know how I talk. I’m straightforward.”

“And harsh,” Azriel adds. “Even aggressive.”

“Watch it.” Gwyn turns stern eyes onto him over the fire pit.

“I have no idea what you all are talking about,” Cassian says. He turns to Nesta. “You sound perfectly normal to me.”

She narrows her perfect brows at him, and Emerie laughs, “I don’t know if that’s romantic or ignorant.”

But now that they’re discussing it, Cassian does distinctly remember Nesta having a sharp edge to her words while they were getting to know each other. Did it disappear over time, or has he really stopped noticing it?

He doesn’t get to think about it before their drinks arrive, followed soon by a dinner of fancy sandwiches.

Cassian cuts his beef sandwich in half and gives the other half to Nesta, and she does the same with her turkey sandwich. They eat and drink around the crackling fire, laughing and talking about tomorrow’s plans (“It’s not your birthday, Azriel,” Nesta says. “Stop asking about gifts.”). Cassian and Emerie talk idly about video games over wine, and even though it isn’t really his thing, he can see her excitement over it and gladly indulges it.

Once everyone is finished eating and is slightly drunk, Gwyn pulls a small sleeve of crackers out of her puffy jacket, followed by a fun-sized Hershey’s bar and a handful of mini marshmallows.

“What are you doing?” Nesta says.

“Making dessert.” Gwyn builds a mini s’more and places it carefully on her fork so she can toast it over the fire pit. When it’s done, she leans forward even more to try to put it on Nesta’s plate. “For you. Thank you for letting me and Emerie stay.”

Nesta jumps, catching the s’more with her plate and batting Gwyn away from the fire pit at the same time. “You’ll set your hair on fire,” she hisses.

Gwyn’s hair remains safe, but now Cassian catches his brother watching Gwyn amusedly from the corner of his eye. “Can I have one?” Az says.

“I’m all out.” Gwyn says while building another s’more, refusing to meet his eyes.

Cassian and Nesta share a look, a hundred words thrown back and forth between them in that glance. She scoots her chair closer to him to slip her cold hands into his warm ones, but while the conversation carries on around the table, she leans in and whispers, “I’m not a busybody but…”

“I am,” he whispers back. “Az is being weird, weirder than usual.”

Nesta nods. “I’ve never seen him so—outgoing.”

Neither has Cassian, but before he can mention anything else, he looks up to find that Gwyn and Azriel’s seats at the table are empty. “How much did those two drink?” he breathes.

Nesta follows his gaze, seeing what he’s seeing: Azriel and Gwyn wandering clumsily around the snowy courtyard. Or rather, Az is trying to chase Gwyn down for a s’more, while she clutches her mini marshmallows to her chest and vehemently yells, “They’re mine!”

Meanwhile, Emerie is half asleep at the table.

Cassian watches as Gwyn nears the towering fir tree at the center of the courtyard and slips. Az shoots out a hand to catch her, but not before her ass hits the stone, hard. He pulls her back up, no longer fooling around, and Gwyn rubs her butt in pain.

Cassian suddenly feels Nesta squeezing the life out of his hands, and he looks over to find fury written across her face. For a heartbeat, he feels worried for Az.

“Go deal with him,” Nesta says lowly. “Before I do.”

Not needing any more words to understand, he stands out of his seat and heads out into the courtyard. He doesn’t know why Nesta thinks Gwyn needs protecting, but it makes him feel protective himself. Approaching the duo, he sees that Azriel finally acquired the leftover s’more ingredients from Gwyn.

“There’s only like half a cracker left,” Az mutters to himself, shaking the baggie.

“Is he bothering you?” Cassian asks Gwyn, who still looks grumpy over losing their skirmish.

Whipping her head to Cassian like he’s her savior, Gwyn nods furiously. “Please make him stop.”

Cassian turns to Azriel with rage in his eyes, a clear What the fuck do you think you’re doing?

But Az shakes his head in denial. “It’s not like that. Look, she’s smirking at me!” He points over Cassian’s shoulder.

When Cassian looks, Gwyn is already walking back to the fire pit, holding her bruised ass.

Az starts, “What a fake little—”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Cassian interrupts. “Yesterday you’re crying over Elain and today you’re flirting with Nesta’s friend?”

Azriel goes serious, his face turning colder than the night air. “How do you know about Elain?” he says gruffly.

“Everyone knows, Azriel.” Cassian stares down his brother, wondering if he’ll finally get him to get his head screwed on straight after these past weeks of secretive bullshit.

Azriel sets his jaw, but a muscle there ticks.

“Will you finally at least tell me what’s going on in your head?” Cassian pleads. “Because I can’t keep guessing.”

Azriel glances toward the dinner table, as if checking to see that no one is paying attention to them. Looking back, he inhales a breath. “You want to know why I left Velaris?”

Like Nesta, Azriel is not one to quickly make himself vulnerable. So there’s no blatant emotion in his voice when he says, “I started seeing her at the end of summer, not long after she broke up with her ex. And it was so…nice after every other relationship I’ve been in has gone wrong. We kept it quiet, and because of that, it was peaceful.” Azriel’s eyes meet Cassian’s twin ones, and he smirks without humor. “But you already know what that’s like, don’t you?”

He does. Cassian crosses his arms, waiting for Az to continue.

“Anyway, we had a good run. For a long time, it was mostly just sex, but I liked her. I liked her a lot.” Az kicks at the snow-dusted cobblestones. “Then Christmas came around, and Rhys found out.” His face darkens as he remembers, and Cassian stiffens, knowing what’s next isn’t good. Sometimes Rhys forgets the boundary between boss and brother.

“He didn’t say anything about it to Elain, of course,” Azriel says. “But he dragged my ass aside and gave me this huge lecture about us using each other as rebounds. Said ‘Feyre’s sister’ deserves better or some shit. I told him there was more to it than that, but he wouldn’t listen. Instead he brought Vanserra & Co. into it, like his business matters had anything to do with me and Elain.” Azriel’s eyes crinkle at the corners in a puzzled way. “So I got to thinking, ‘why would he bring the Vanserras up?’ He made it seem like such a big deal.” The toe of his boot digs a hole into the ground.

Sympathy churns alongside anger in Cassian’s chest for Azriel’s situation, anger at Rhysand for crossing that line between brothers. He’s only momentarily grateful that Rhys never tried doing something similar to him and Nesta.

“I thought she was over that other guy, Lucien,” Az continues. “But maybe she’s not, if Rhys is so concerned about what Lucien’s stepfather thinks. Anyway, that’s why I ran. Because I knew she liked me, but I also knew she didn’t love me. I didn’t want us to cause all that trouble with Rhys just to end up backed into a corner one day, having nowhere else to go because she loves someone else and I’m just a rebound. It would be awkward for everyone involved.” He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s mostly my fault, for always chasing after women I can’t have.” He finally looks up at Cassian. “When you talk to Elain, does it sound like she hates me?” The question is quiet, straightforward.

“No,” Cassian answers, voice rough. Even if Azriel wants to hide his feelings, Cassian won’t. “She doesn’t seem like she hates you. I don’t even think she’s mad at you.” Concerned, anxious, upset—that’s Elain as far as he knows.

“She should hate me,” Azriel says. “She should get pissed, burn my old clothes, and swear to never talk to me again. That’s the only way she can move on.” Maybe even move back to Lucien, is what goes unsaid.

Cassian isn’t so sure about that. Even as he feels for Az, he thinks both of his brothers should get slapped upside the head for how they’ve been acting lately. He won’t be the one to do it, but he might get Nesta to relay a message to Elain. It’ll be the same thing. “I’m sorry,” he tells Az instead. “I know I’ve been hard on you lately. When we get home, I’ll start doing better.” He claps Az on the shoulder and squeezes.

Azriel surprises him by scoffing, looking away in disbelief. “Wow, being compassionate is really a full time job for you, huh?” He claps Cassian’s shoulder back, pulling him into a sudden hug. “You’ve already done more than enough,” he says into Cassian’s ear. “Go to your girlfriend and take a rest.”

Taken aback, Cassian nods and pulls away. He’s about to turn around and leave when Az says, “By the way, I wasn’t flirting with Gwyn.”

Cassian raises a brow. “You were definitely doing something.”

Az rolls his eyes. “I’m not giving her anything she can’t handle. But in case you haven’t noticed, I have no interest in other women right now.” He makes a face. “Especially not her.”

Cassian chuckles. “I believe you. It’s Nesta you need to worry about.”

“Whatever. I’m not scared of her.”

That makes Cassian laugh even harder, but he turns around, ready to go back to said girlfriend. As he nears the fire pit, though, he finds that Gwyn is already there and cuddled up to Nesta. On Nesta’s other side, Emerie now sits in Cassian’s chair, asleep on her friend’s shoulder. He stops in his tracks.

Cassian wasn’t lying when he told Nesta that he was happy about their changed vacation plans—he believes the more the merrier, and he loves these people. Yet he can’t help but wish the two of them could be alone for just one day. Only one.

God, sometimes having friends sucks.

***

a/n: this is a two parter so next chapter we’ll finally be getting more nessian alone time

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland

#ncssianwrites #a favor #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #nessian fanfic #nessian au

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Filterless

Corpse Husband x Plus-sized Reader (Female)

Warnings: Body Image Insecurities, Low self-esteem, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Feeling comfortable in her skin has hardly ever been the case for Y/N who’s been struggling with body image issues all her life. However, they only get worse when she sees the ‘type’ of girls her crush is into.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request (hits close to home 😅) I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to fulfill it and post it but here it finally is and if you’ve stuck around long enough to read it, I hope you enjoy! ALSO! - Never forget how beautiful and amazing you are. Never compare your beauty to someone else’s. We’re all beautiful people and we all shine so brightly and uniquely. No one deserves to be compared to anyone when we’re all so different yet so incredible. Love you and appreciate you with all my heart, Vy ❤

If I ever need my ego taken down a few notches - it never does, it’s barely even present, to be honest - all I have to do is go on Instagram. To be honest, regardless of how I’m feeling, opening that app is bound to make my mood plummet and come crashing into the ground so hard it drives a hole in it - probably in the form of a broken heart.

Being a content creator myself, I often get asked questions about my absence on that social platform specifically. I mean, the questions are based and rational I guess, considering I’m not a faceless YouTuber and yet my Instagram account is void of any photos. It’s not like I don’t post at all - I do! I post on my story often but it’s more often than not scenery I find pretty or a poster I’ve made for a movie/video game. Bottom line is: I barely ever allow a picture of me to make it online. The most my fans are ever gonna get of me is a selfie which is also a super rare occurrence because of how long it takes me to take and choose one I don’t hate.

Ok, but how am I supposed to find the motivation to post any sort of picture of myself when on my timeline I’m always faced with people worthy of posting pictures of themselves. People with such perfect bodies and beautiful faces. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or envious of those people - good for them! They know what they’re working with and they’re working it well. I have nothing against them, in fact, I love seeing people proud of their bodies no matter their size, shape or weight. Those are my role-models: people who are proud of themselves, their bodies, their attributes and capabilities and don’t hesitate to show them off. Those are the people I look up to but, deep down inside I know I’ll never be like.

Insecure about my body, having been referred to as ‘chubby’ and ‘squishy’ all my life. Inappreciative of the stuff I do: starting from my job as a graphic designer leading towards my job on YouTube - nothing I do, professionally or otherwise, satisfies me. Nothing I do is enough in my eyes because I feel incapable of ever being able to do enough. I’ve been called lazy and a half-asser a few too many times to be able to brush it off as a meaningless insult.

With these problems I’ve had with myself and my own perception of who I am and the work I do, I’ve never had the time for romance or romantic relationships. I second-guess the intentions of everyone who ever shows any interest in me because in my mind I’m nothing special and I have nothing to offer - nothing attractive or likable at least. That being said, I haven’t even been one to make heart eyes at others either. I busy myself with my job and some side-gigs, brushing off any relationship questions with the excuse that I’m ‘just too busy to be in a relationship’ which is technically true.

Having spent twenty plus years with that mindset, one can imagine how surprised I was when I found myself catching feelings for someone. And that someone just couldn’t be any other than the biggest YouTube sensation at the moment - Corpse Husband.

I’m close friends with Poki - her and I were roommates at one point too - so her inviting me to play Among Us with them wasn’t so strange. One or two games, I thought, nothing unusual there, just friendly curtesy. I wasn’t expecting to warm up to the group of famous streamers nor did I expect them to welcome me among them so easily, mostly because my channel is so small and practically invisible to the YouTube algorithm. But soon enough, I became a permanent member of the team, making friends with every single one of those YouTubers I practically thought of a celebrities.

This journey of branching out to other content creators has proven itself to be surprisingly pleasant and has packed my book of friendships to the brim. All of that came unexpectedly, along with a wave of new subs and a higher view count. However, as I mentioned, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I came to finally understand what my high school friends were talking about when they were head over heels for a boy - the butterflies in the stomach whenever he speaks your name; the importance of the laugh you share with him, how special and different it is; how cool it is to be impostors with him - ok they never said that, obviously, but it’s what I have as a substitute to the ‘when the two of you make eye-contact’ bullshit since Corpse and I have never seen each other in person. That is, of course, because of him being a faceless YouTuber and me being a self-conscious and insecure girl.

We do talk all the time though - texting, calling, chilling on Discord, you name it. Our conversations range from deeply philosophical to ones that might mislead someone into thinking we’re high. There’s no topic we haven’t touched upon and yet we still manage to find something new to talk about. We have plenty of similarities but we also never seem to run out of differences we slowly come across as we keep getting to know each other better and better.

And somewhere along that journey I ended up catching feelings.

Human nature of wanting to connect with other people, I curse you for what you’ve done to me.

You might think I’m being overdramatic about the whole ordeal and that this is just a normal, natural occurrence many people experience in their life - some even daily. Well, not only am I far from used to it, but it’s also taking a toll of a different kind on me.

It’s like a constant slap to the face.

That slap turned into a punch when Corpse and I started following each other on Instagram and I started getting daily reminders of how out of my depth I am with this crush on him. In over my head, especially when you look at all those girls whose pics and videos he reposts on his story. Imagine how that makes me feel, what that does to me - puts me back into the ‘Constantly not good enough‘ basket, the one I’ve been fighting to get out of all my life. In the past and in different contexts I could easily say that it was all just my mind hating me intensely but now - now that I know for a fact I’m not good enough and don’t fit Corpse’s criteria - it hurts ten times as much. I’m not one to do shit for someone’s attention or to attract someone’s eyes, but it really hurts my feelings. Often times, it also leads me to doing dumb things and making rash decisions.

Like the one I made two days ago.

Imagine me cringing and shaking my head at my own stupidity as I admit this: I, in a frenzy, ordered a whole e-girl getup with overnight delivery.

Wait, hold up, it gets worse.

I received it yesterday and spent the whole day regretting that decision, but then, in my most insecure hours - which was somewhere around midnight - I equipped the get-up, took a picture and posted it on my Instagram page. First full body pic I’ve ever posted on there. First pic I’ve posted there of any kind. There to stay, not to be gone in twenty four hours. First pic, and it’s not even of me. It’s of who I want to be in order to fit someone’s criteria. And that fucking stings.

As you might imagine, I’ve spent today’s day regretting that decision as well. Recently my mood’s been nothing but regretting rash decisions that have surfaced under the influence of my ridiculous, constantly-present insecurities. And I would’ve probably gotten over it rather quickly had I not received a message from Corpse that read:

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic“

I didn’t open the message, I peeped at it as it was a notification on my lock screen. It’s still there, an unread notification. It’s been two hours since I received it and I cannot think of a single thing to say in response to that.

Truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things right now.

I’m afraid of becoming that girl in the photo, cause I’m most definitely not her.

I’m afraid of letting Corpse down by admitting I’m not her.

I’m afraid of what my own mind has made me do because it hates me so much and I’m terrified of what it might do in the future.

I’m afraid and stranded on things to do.

You can’t be her forever, you know. Being her won’t make your insecurities go away, it’ll only make them worse. Haven’t you learned that by now?

I sigh, frustrated and irritated with myself as I grab my phone and tap on the notification, finally deciding to face the music and allow my instincts to carry me through the interaction. Improvisation, that’s one of the few things I’m good at. Let’s hope it doesn’t fail me.

I’m just about to type out my response - not sure what it’s gonna say - when I give the message Corpse has sent me a second glance. I furrow my brows, finding there’s more to it than that peep through the notification let me see.

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic. You’re personality is so bright and colorful, I could’ve never imagined you were into the darks and blacks“

Because I’m not

I fail to realize until the message has been sent that my thoughts are exactly what I typed out and sent.

And honestly, I’m glad. It feels like I’ve spoken my truth, like I’ve lifted a huge boulder off my chest.

With that rare confidence in mind I go on and delete the picture.

In its spot, I post a picture I just now took - a mirror selfie in my homey get-up consisting of hot pink sweatpants and an oversized blue tee, my hair in a messy bun, my face free of make-up.

I caption it: ‘Oops, had the e-girl filter on for the last one. This is filterless me tho so...Hi 🥴’

A lot better, I’m surprised to hear my inner voice say. I hope I don’t get used to all this kindness on my brain’s part, probably won’t last, but damn if I don’t milk every second of it.

Just then, I receive a new message from non other than Corpse.

“Now that’s the girl I see when I think of you. She’s super cute 😉“

My, oh my, who would’ve guessed Corpse has a game like that - and by that I mean the ability to make me blush so intensely with only a text message.

Now ain’t that better than being someone else, Y/N?

It sure is, it sure is.

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse

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etherealfrenzy · 3 years

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My interpretation of Shoni from Toni’s perspective

Can we talk more about this scene tho? I feel like this scene is so important for Shelby and Toni’s relationship, because it shows that it’s a lot deeper than them just having feelings for one another. “I trust you” is a huge thing for Toni to say, more than what she’s given credit for. Toni trusts Shelby, Toni who has been abandoned by everyone who was supposed to care about her. Her dad left her when she was just a baby. Her mom left her when she succumbed into addiction. Her girlfriend left her as soon as she realized Toni was too much to handle. She was abandoned and betrayed by everyone she ever loved. So she just doesn’t let people in her life anymore. Because “when you’re by yourself you can only hurt yourself. I’d call that safer”. She’s so scared of being left again, of being hurt again that she just doesn’t give people the chance to anymore. She doesn’t trust anyone, pushes everyone away, and that way they can’t hurt her.

The only person that has always stuck by Toni’s side and never gave up on her is Martha. But loving Martha made her reinforce her trust issues even more because Martha’s been emotionally and physically abused. Dr. Ted took advantage of Martha’s age, kindness and innocence. And Toni wasn’t there then, but Martha’s still in denial of what happened and built a fairytale world to be able to cope with it. Martha only sees the good in people and is incapable of detecting when someone has ulterior motives or is trying to take advantage of her one way or the other. Because of this, Toni feels responsible for her. She takes on the responsibility of filtering the people that want to enter Martha’s life. “Why am I always fighting your battles for you?”. Toni detects those who she thinks are fake, or might have immoral interests when it comes to her best friend and scares them away. So not only Toni doesn’t trust people to enter her life, but she is also extremely protective and careful of those who want to enter Martha’s.

And then Shelby comes along, who is exactly the type of person Toni would normally stay away from. A rich, white, church girl who pretends to be kind and love everyone. The type of person that is always optimistic and cheerful but it’s all fake because all she really wants is to gain people’s trust and to make people like her just so that she can take advantage of them later. Toni sees Shelby and she knows that all of that kindness and optimism is just some mask, just some character she portrays because “deep down she’s hiding some pretty fucked up shit”. Toni doesn’t know what she’s hiding yet, but she is sure that Martha and herself are better off without it. “Martha’s getting taken for a ride. All Shelby wants to do is hang out with her long enough to put “saved a little res girl” on her college aps. So yeah I’m not out here being petty. I’m just trying to protect my best friend”.

I think that’s why Toni is so mean and aggressive towards Shelby in the beginning, not because she’s hiding her feelings for her (even though being attracted to Shelby probably didn’t help) but because she senses there’s more to Shelby than what she’s letting on, and that makes her untrustworthy. “You got a lot of people here thinking you’re all rainbows and unicorn shit. But I see you”. And to top it all off, Shelby claims to be homophobic, so she just couldn’t get any more untrustworthy in Toni’s eyes (even though after that Shelby saves Toni’s life. She owes her now, but it’s not enough to trust her). Of course, there’s also the jealousy. Martha is literally the only person in Toni’s life that she really cares about. So to see her best friend, her person, be more interested in some untrustworthy white chick than she is in Toni hurts her feelings and makes her dislike Shelby even more. “You know she’s dead-ass gonna drop you after this. Like don’t expect her to invite you down to fucking Dallas”. She feels replaced, abandoned all over again. “I could be bleeding, right? My guts spilling out into the streets, but if Shelby came along with a smile and some fucking muffins, then Martha would just walk right by me”.

So Toni and Shelby’s rivalry goes on until Shelby reveals one of her secrets: her fake teeth. After this scene you can see Toni soften for Shelby a little bit, she begins to understand that maybe she read her wrong. That maybe, just maybe the fucked up shit that she’s hiding is not as dangerous to her or Martha as Toni initially thought. She makes the effort to try and comfort her, or at least be nice to her for once (except when she’s being homophobic) when she finds her in the woods. She tries to make her laugh and then lets her talk about her problems, because Toni is now interested. She wants to know more about Shelby, she wants to understand her better now that she knows her demons are not at all what Toni thought. She’s for the first time listening to what Shelby has to say. She’s disappointed though, as she expected she would be. That talk about excessive expectations doesn’t sit right with Toni. It is, after all, the opposite of her own problem.

But then Shelby kisses her, and that’s when everything changes. That’s when Toni changes her whole demeanor towards Shelby. That’s when she becomes soft for her. And it wasn’t the kiss itself, it wasn’t because she now knows Shelby has feelings for her. It’s because of what the kiss meant. It’s because she finally understands Shelby. She finally “sees her”, the real her. And that’s what Toni needed to see to be able to trust her. Shelby saved her life yes, but it’s so much more than that. She needed Shelby to drop the persona, to break that mask and to stop being the Shelby her parents told her she had to be. Shelby reveals to Toni all of that “fucked up shit she’s hiding”. And this revelation alone allows Toni to finally trust her. To stop fighting her, to stop pushing her away but to kiss her back instead. And she wants to as well, because after all, the untrustworthy girl who was trying to steal her best friend, who she felt attracted to but thought hated her for being gay, turns out to be trustworthy, to actually care about Martha, to be gay herself and to have feelings for Toni as well. And so in that scene, on top of that small cliff, Toni can finally, wholeheartedly say “I trust you”. And she means it, as hard as it is for her to trust people, as much as she tried not to during those first few days, she trusts Shelby.

#thewilds #the wilds #amazon prime #shelby #toni #shoni #goodfoe

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mapleandgingeroatmeal · 3 years

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OK I had too much to say about Caleb and Nott’s ‘Messes together’ talk so I’m giving that it’s own post.

I’ve definitely seen the ‘messes together’ convo giffed/referenced before. However, I didn’t know that it was A) Coming from such a low emotional point from Nott? It was almost an intervention. And B) that Nott was fucking INVISIBLE the whole time?? wtf Nott?? He wants to see you! I thought this scene would be heart-warming not heart-breaking! Sam Riegel, who gave you the right to make me fall in love with this terrified self-loathing alcoholic who’s avoiding her feelings so hard that she can’t even stay visible during a conversation with her best friend?

Just the sheer volume of LOVE and vulnerability that Caleb is pouring into this conversation makes me wonder again why their relationship, platonic or no, isn’t one that people focus on more! Caleb isn’t like this with anyone else! He’s got entire facial expressions and this soft, gentle tone of voice that he only ever gives to Nott. And he gives her so much here, affirming that she doesn’t need the booze to be wonderful and that she doesn’t need to be brave alone, and that he always has her back? He’s even willing to be selfish about it, to ask her so gently to worry him less, which is huge for someone who hates himself as much as Caleb does! Nott is the only good thing that Caleb allows himself to have, and his devotion to her is just so pure.

Nott just can’t see it right now though! Or, what I actually think is more likely, she thinks she doesn’t deserve his devotion and she wants to hide her hurt from him so she won’t be a burden. I honestly think she may feel guilty about how much Caleb loves her. This is one occasion where my being spoiled makes me enjoy something more, because Nott’s line about believing that her issues would be the last to resolve should be heartbreaking, but I know that after this Caleb is gonna fight so hard to prioritize her issues, and it makes me really happy to know how she gets proven wrong about this!

I’ve talked about this before, but I think we get another fascinating layer to the separate-identities motif Nott has going on, where she can only either be Veth with her family or Nott with the nein. Her insistence that her issues have to go last comes from this strange belief she seems to hold that she needs to stay a goblin if she’s going to adventure and protect and be with everyone, that she can’t do all those things as a halfling woman, too. Veth is a stay-at-home-mom who supports Yeza but doesn’t do anything on her own, and Nott is a brave adventurer and maybe a hero. This specific division is unusual because it comes up with Nott on the more favorable end of Who To Be, even though she can’t stand the body she’s in. Which of course takes us all the way back around to one of Nott’s central problems, which is that she really seems to love being an adventurer! She actually says in this talk with Caleb that if she wanted to have fun she would be with her family at home, but I don’t think she was being honest with herself there, because she was given that option and didn’t take it, and because of how much joy being in the m9 obviously brings her so much of the time.

And it’s amazing how much of this conflict Caleb seems to pick up on! Even while he can’t see her face, they’re still so much on the same wavelength. So he sees her inner turmoil and doesn’t try to solve it or even really discuss it any further than reaffirming that he will always be there. There’s this tone in his voice that’s almost desperate when he tells her that she doesn’t have to be brave alone, and you can tell how strong his need to show her how much she means to him is. In some ways he can probably tell it’s not sinking in, because the tragedy of these two is how they both hate themselves so much that they can’t accept the same amount of love that they are willing to give, so they just circle in a messy dance of complimenting each other while refusing to take compliments in return, and maybe it’s messy but at least they are dancing together.

And lastly, (feel free to ignore this if it’s not your jam but I am incapable of not being widowbrave trash), don’t think I didn’t notice Caleb’s hesitation before calling himself her best friend! What do you think he held himself back from saying? That he’ll always love her? Was he gonna call her his partner? Maybe he is just so lost as to how he should define their relationship. I may be called a conspiracy theorist for this, but nobody can convince me that they are not secretly in love with each other. It just explains too much.

#nott the brave #caleb widowgast #critical role #widowbrave #veth brenatto

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quetanto · 3 years

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(So I’m on a bit of a Tangled craze at the moment. Be patient with me, folks.)

There are…a lot of things wrong with the third season. The whole arc with Cassandra being the main one, but also the issue of whether Rapunzel’s parents are fit to rule (because they basically seem to just be sitting on the sidelines instead of doing any actual governance, which we never really got to see Arianna do), how to explain the disappearance of the other characters at the end, Lance’s increased clowning around, Eugene’s very real fears and insecurities being put aside for jokes, and a fair few others. There were also a few things I really enjoyed: the expanded arcs with Angry and Red, Varian’s redemption and place in the light, the whole treasure hunt (yes, I know, but I have a soft spot for it), even Edmund getting a bit more involved because the man was literally trying to make sure his son had a better life while being unable to leave his kingdom even if he failed miserably for a huge chunk of that time.

But one thing I’m not per se upset about–annoyed, yes, but not upset–is the treatment of Faith.

No, not that it’s fair. Rapunzel’s new lady-in-waiting can’t be expected to be Cassandra, and Rapunzel was making it rather uncomfortable for her. She’s not the daughter of a guard, she’s a lower-class girl seeking the best option she has and trying to be good at it because there’s no other way around it. When Eugene points out that Rapunzel’s trying to find a proxy for her lost friend, he is absolutely bang on the nose. Even if the series doesn’t support that claim, he’s still right.

But that doesn’t mean Rapunzel’s wrong per se. It means she’s got more than a few biases to work through.

Rapunzel was stuck most of her life in one place, with one human (eh) and one chameleon to keep her company. She did the cleaning and dressmaking and cooking for herself, it was part of her upkeep of the Tower. These are things that I honestly believe she can’t quite imagine anyone dedicating themselves to full-time, certainly not for another person. She was incapable of treating Cass like anything but a friend, rather than a servant, for most of the series. And the strong likelihood is that, given time, Faith might come to be an essential element of life in the castle. Not for the adventures, per se, because the poor lass just seems to want to be safe and secure and maybe now that the kingdom isn't being threatened by a madwoman (and Cassandra) Rapunzel will actually have some time to figure out how to fit Faith into her life. All she needs is someone to speak up for her–or better yet the opportunity to speak up for herself without being petrified that this will lose her her job.

And that’s the sad part. They could have done this. All the pieces are there. Eugene’s set up the stage for Rapunzel to take the step. She just…didn’t. Or couldn’t. Because sometimes people just don’t act in the way that would help them, make them feel better. Sometimes, Rapunzel Knows Best.

(And that, given that she had one parent who could have served as the model for the dictionary definition of narcissist, is likely to happen even in the nicest of people.)

It’s a habit she’s going to have to un-learn. But there’s time. And acknowledging her flaws but giving her a chance to do better? If they can find a way to do that, sometime? That’s going to make for one heck of a story.

I dunno. What say you?

#tangled #rapunzel's tangled adventure #rapunzel #faith #cassandra #eugene #corona #tangled the series #tts #it's not a hard fix #it could be done so so easily

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moku-youbi · 3 years

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Alright Untamed fandom, where do I submit and/or beg for my fic ideas?

I DESPERATELY need a Leverage AU for this fandom (and for Word of Honor, too, but that’s going to be a separate post), you GUYS!?! Tell me you can’t see this:

Lan Zhan in the role of Nate--maybe as a detective of some fashion instead of insurance investigation. Or maybe he works as head of security for his very wealthy family. And for a while he’s so sure that he’s doing the Right and Honorable and Just thing, hunting down these criminals. And he’s got some serious angst over his friend Wei Ying who was head of security for the Jiang until he stole some huge corporate secret and sold it to their competitors before disappearing into the criminal underworld. And Lan Zhan’s seen him over the next few years, only very briefly, when their paths cross from opposite sides of a heist and Wei Ying says he’s been framed, but no matter how often Lan Zhan tries to convince him to come home and set things right and face punishment. Because even if he hadn’t done the original crime, he’s clearly doing crime (and being gay, but that is neither here nor there) and he has to take responsibility and Wei Ying’s like no thanks, bro. So then Lan Zhan finds out something that sort of shakes him to the core, like maybe some sketchy things his own family have done, or that they were in on framing Wei Ying along with the Jin, whatever, not sure on the details. But he quits and starts having guilt over the fact that he just assumed the worst about Wei Ying, and also, all these awful things that Wei Ying has done since? Are him trying to clean up messes made by the Wen and Jin and Lan.

After some soul searching, Lan Zhan starts digging into all the shit that these major corporations have been up to, and starts identifying the people who’ve been hurt by them and have been fighting back on their own, and decides to bring them all together. There’s:

* Meng Yao (fucked over by his father and out for revenge on the whole wide world, and who would be the perfect confidence man, lbr and very brainy, yes, but no where on the level of...) * Nie Huaisang (hacker extraordinaire, able to get any information on anyone or anything in basically 10 seconds or less, and able to use that to manipulate every scenario perfectly to his whims--he doesn’t NEED to steal, you’ll give him exactly what he wants without you even realising it...look, he doesn’t need to be doing this, but he is pissed over what happened with Wei Ying and the Wen are constantly flexing on his brother, and also, it’s fun!) * Wen Ning (who to everyone’s astonishment is the best hitter in the game, started helping Wei Ying shortly after his fall from grace, has issues galore with basically every sect, but he’s really only in this for his family and Wei Ying) * Wen Qing (who comes part and parcel with WN and WY because these assholes always end up needing to be patched up, and also, need a voice of sanity and reason) * Xue Yang (who just likes shiny things and fucking shit up and bewilders everyone over the fact that he can steal, like, anything and has warehouses full of treasure, but just squats in a ramshackle abandoned building and spends all his money on candy and baked goods) * A-Qing (who is Xue Yang’s thief and con-woman in training, and who will mercilessly use her youth and anonymity with the main companies to bleed them fucking dry)

And Lan Zhan can’t get ahold of Wei Ying at first, but after the team’s first job, oh you better fucking believe Wei Ying is interested now! (okay, he was interested as soon as Lan Zhan spoke to the Wen siblings, but he was waiting to see how things fell out and if this was some sort of trap that he’d need to spring them from). They’re in the middle of some elaborate heist and it’s all about to fall apart, and Lan Zhan is as close to freaking out as someone like Lan Zhan can be, and Wei Ying just strolls in and saves the day with his devastating smile.

So the gang saves the day and makes the bad guys pay, and then they decide you know, there are a lot more assholes out there pulling things like this, and we’re really good at screwing them over.

I just want all the found-family feels, and the reconciliation, and the romance. How Yanli finds ways to send care packages to Wei Ying through Huaisang and trying to let him know she believes in him no matter what. And someday after the initial confrontation with the Jin/Wen/Lan, just stopping by the team’s headquarters on the regular to feed them when they’re so busy planning they forget to take care of themselves. The eventual confrontation of Wei Ying and Lan Zhan with their respective brothers and adoptive parents/uncle. Meng Yao getting the love and recognition he deserves after his father is arrested. The crew picking up new members here and there, like XXC and SL who are some sort of law enforcement, and...not so sure about this at first, but eventually end up looking the other way (and maybe adopting A-Qing and inexplicably becoming enamored of Xue Yang). Wei Ying and Lan Zhan rescuing A-Yuan at some point when taking on the Wen, and him being raised by his two dads and the craziest and most loving group of Aunties and Uncles.

Some of them go more ~legit after things fall out. Like Meng Yao is way more appropriate to run the Jin than his brother, and they both know it. And Huaisang has to keep an air of respectability about himself, and Wen Qing is a legit doctor, okay...but they still help out on the regular.

Look, I would write this myself, I WOULD. Except 1.) I know no where NEAR enough about Chinese culture to do it justice, and 2.) ever since I started my ADHD meds I’ve been...incapable of writing? (which goes hand in hand with 2 actually, because researching feels daunting). So *hands* someone make it a thing??

#the untamed #leverage #head canon #modern au #wangxian

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kiwidotcom · 3 years

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ok this is like a legit blog post lmao. my sleep schedule is bizarre right now. so 4 am life blog post like its 2014 lmao

so many friends and people i know have been completing big projects in their lives, meeting huge goals, or just doing remarkably well for themselves recently. Of course im so happy for them but its been fucking with my head. for the last 8 years (minus the last 8 months lol) ive just been working full time or more, thinking that eventually id figure out what i want to do in life. but not only did i not figure out what i wanted to do, a pandemic hit and it completely fucked up the weird kinda path i had been on before. i feels like ive lost more than a year and a half it feels like ive lost an entire part of myself.

But pandemic right? i shouldnt feel bad about struggling when were literally living through something whose name the average person probably said four times before 2020. right?? except...

those people arent?? and not to say theyre not struggling. i know everyone has been through it these last 18 months. but seeing people my age, or more usually, a year or two younger than me, painting murals, or publishing magazines, or falling madly in love, its hard. Its hard when the greatest accomplishment ive had in the last few weeks is replying to an email from last october. i wish i was hyperbolizing. I mean its a seriously good day if i get out of bed and eat food that wasnt frozen. and if i clean the kitchen after?!! forget about it, im writing home about that. (i have yet to produce any such letters)

if money wasnt an issue, i know what id be doing. id be travelling all over the world. id be meeting people in hostels and letting them tell me where to go next, id try to learn new languages or be introduced to new cultures, id be using a plane ticket as a bookmark and a favourite food from every place.

but that was 2019 emma. sure she was scared of everything but she clenched her fists and ran toward it. now she cant even get out of bed enough to see out the window.

ok honestly this took a much darker turn than i expected. i actually feel ok right now. ironically, i would never have been able to write about any of this when the depression is really at its worst. which i think is why it all just fell out, because im finally able to verbalize this. because these last 4 or 5 days ive felt ok.

ive realized its ok to be starting my life at 25. as sad as i think that sounds. and that maybe im not as incapable as i think i am. (though, some things i am incapable of and sometimes its not just a matter of pushing through it, sometimes its a matter of recognizing that im brain damaged and to go easy on myself)

its only been for the last day but i think im genuinely considering going back to school. to work on a social work diploma but also maybe take like one art class at a time to finally finish my fine arts diploma???? i did a whole year, like, the pain of being an art school drop out is rough.

but anyway. my sleep schedule is MESSED AGAIN. idek why. it wasnt that bad until 2 nights ago. so im 3 melatonin in and its 4 am and im about to finish love island which i started earlier today. a guy on the show made a joke about his fiance finishing multiple shows and it burneddddd. i dont want to be this person. i dont think i am this person. oh my god i have so much more to say but i gotta stop because im going insane. why do i have so much energy at night ??!!

ok thats all. goooooodnight good morning

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benka79 · 3 years

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I know no one is reading this madness but... I just have to scream about the Tom Paris x Harry Kim subtext...

Timeless

Writers gave us two KimRis parallels...

First... Janeway asking Chakotay to have dinner with her. (With romantic hints all over)

While this was happening, Tom and Harry were close with each other. And Harry ends up gesturing to his best buddy platonic friend. It means. Writers showed us TWO RELATIONSHIPS in the past.

Then... Present... Chakotay had a new love and he was willing to not change the past to stay with this new lover...

Oh man, he changed Janeway for that girl, even when the producers made him stare longingly and sadly at our Captain. (Once when she asked Chakotay to dinner with her and the second time when she was dead and frozen on the bridge).

But... Why Harry hadn't doubts about turning back time??? Okay, we could think GUILT! REGRETS!

But because he mentioned they lost THE PEOPLE THEY LOVED... And he was willing to die for them... And he wouldn't change his mind... And they put that parallel with J/C... I will conclude, yeah, he was doing this because he wouldn't change ANYONE IN HIS FUTURE FOR HIS JUST PLANOTIC BUDDY TOM.

Now, the message Harry o himself to repair his mistake... Is linked to Tom Paris's letter to his father. Or how I like to call it, the letter he wrote for his own growth.

30 Days

Even when we got another rewind in Tom Paris career... From Lieutenant to Ensign, this episode represented again his huge issues with his father but it talked about what's inside Tom.

I'm gonna divide this insights in two parts.

Tom's Fantasy World: Captain Proton

Something that could start like a game, was playing a very important part of Tom inner thoughts.

The whole adventure of Captain Proton resume Tom's fantasies and deeper desires. Because deep inside Tom wants to save the day and be a hero. He needs to proof he is worthy by being a superhero. But mostly, he is always saving the girl in danger. And when I say the girl in danger, I'm talking about Harry. Because Harry represents the imposible love interest he wants to reach. In this episode he arrives to save Harry again but this time from the evil Delaney's twins. But Harry shows him he wanted more time with the evil girls. (Imagine Tom trying to save Harry from women just to show him that he should be his only hero in that story, in his fantasy.)

When they go out from the Holodeck, Paris talks again about the letters... (Because they're trying to fix the letters they got, one of them is Paris's father letter)

PARIS: Any progress on those starcharts?

MEGAN: I'll have them to you by fourteen hundred.

The fact that Paris is bringing back that to us is because again, something very meaningful related to his father will happen. Because this evil letter made his character to go backwards in his behavior. Remember?

But then... Look at this:

PARIS: I think Jenny really likes you.

KIM: Yeah, I know.

PARIS: I thought the feeling was mutual.

KIM: How many times do I have to tell you? I like Megan, but she won't give me the time of day.

PARIS: What is the difference?

KIM: You can't be serious.

PARIS: They're the Delaney sisters, Harry. They're twins.

KIM: Are you kidding? They're nothing alike. Jenny's aggressive and sometimes annoying. But Megan, she's quiet, artistic, and she's got that cute little dimple in her right cheek.

PARIS: Jenny doesn't have the dimple?

KIM: No dimple.

Okay, I will stop here. Pay attention to this because I'm in awe here of the amount of subtext: THIS IS A LOVE TRIANGLE AND IS A BLATANT REPRESENTATION OF B'ELANNA->TOM->HARRY.

Tom tried to show a point to Harry because Delaney's sisters, here representing women, are the same to him BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SHOW HIS FRIEND WOMEN ARE THE SAME. SHOULD HARRY TASTE THE RAINBOW THEN? 😂

And because is a Tom's episode, is Tom centric so... Jenny is B'elanna, because she's aggressive and sometimes annoying. Harry is Tom here, because B'elanna likes him. But Harry/Tom is in love with Megan, because Megan is quiet, artistic, and she's got that cute little dimple in her right cheek. This is screaming HARRY all over even the dimple!!!!

Gif credit @skjc-writes

But the sad thing here is Harry saying IS AN UNREQUITED LOVE. And then Tom adding this...

PARIS: Well, you've done it again, Harry.

KIM: What?

PARIS: Fallen for the unattainable woman. First it was a hologram, then a Borg, and now the wrong twin.

I'm screaming here!!!! Because HARRY IS UNANTTAINABLE TO TOM!!!!!! ARE YOU READING THISS?? Of course no, I'm alone here, but, nevermind. 😂

Deep Inside Tom's Ocean

Another huge symbolism was the ocean planet and how they needed to go deeper to find the truth about the instability of that world.

The Ocean was a symbolic representation of Paris. We had a whole world installed almost in the surface of the waters that was about to fall down. It was an entire society.

When Tom decides to go deeper, they found another contractions that belonged to an older society who had lived there before. But... What was there wasn't the source of their incoming destruction. The new society was the one carving their own graves.

How we could read this related to Paris? Well, as I said, imagine the ocean is Tom. The society and buildings that are next to the surface is the self-destructive personality Tom had created in order to face his failures in trying to fulfill his father's expectations.

The old society buried in the bottom of the ocean is his true self. He's sensitive, and creative, and innocent like a child. But he abandoned that purity to build the surface. Because his true feelings wouldn't be accepted by his father. (This include his bisexuality).

Throughout the whole episode they repeat that the old society in the bottom of the sea IS NOT GUILTY for the incoming destruction. So, Tom's deepest feelings and thoughts and fantasies, what he really is, is not the cause of his self destruction.

The bad people here is the new society, that fake shield Tom had built for years to carry his low self esteem created by his incapability of fulfill his father's expectations. It's a self-destructive personality and is not who he really is.

The bad thing is, Tom is trying to destroy it, but Janeway blocked him. He couldn't... And he is still in his emotional prison.

Finish the Letter.

Tom starts recording a message to his father. It starts as if he was apologizing, but it will end as a compilation of his true desires. He wants to fight for what he feels is worthy. And sometimes you just have to take the risk.

The fact that Harry went to see him and not B'elanna is very meaningful and it shows why is Paris pining for him more than for B'elanna. But it also shows why Paris feels Harry is the unattainable love for him. And it show in the fact that Tom was avoiding Harry's eyes. He felt ashamed. He was ashamed of the man his friend had to see. His rank had been lowered. He was in prison again. Even after confessing behind the mask of a fantastic adventure of a ship that Harry was his NUMBER ONE.

He was feeling again he didn't deserve Harry he didn't deserve to be visited by him. He even let his self destructive personality to show again, but Harry, with eyes full of pain, gives Paris an advice that will close some of his wounds.

Harry is the one waking him up from the nightmare of deception. That's a huge symbolism because even with Harry there, bringing him back to reality, Tom will relate that with the fact that he feels he left down Harry too.

Harry asks Tom to finish his letter. To start healing that huge damage he has inside, the voice of his father yelling at him to do this and that, to be better. To not be what he wanted to be.

Finish the Letter for his father, because it will help him. Even if his father never hear it. Tom did it. He finished the letter. And then in his fantastic world of Captain Proton B'elanna repeats those words to him he really needs to hear from his father: I'm proud of you.

He has a long way to walk through. But it caught my attention that in season 5 we are still stuck in this matter. He should be showing more growth as a character. We are swimming in the same daddy issue and I suspect we will be swimming for a long time too.

I think the writers doesn't know what 'move on' means.

Miscellaneous: Megan and Harry mentioned to Tom the number 14 like something he needed to reach. (The remaining time to know about the letters and to get out from prison) This number represents EQUILIBRIUM and also LOVE. Maybe are those the two things Tom needs to achieve. Mostly, self love and acceptance.

Another interesting fact was the episode in which Seven said Tom got out from the cryogenic bed 4 TIMES. I'm thinking that maybe is related to everytime Tom had been in prison. We are counting three times so far. Let's see 😂.

#st voy #kimris #kimris meta #sta voy meta #star trek voyager #tom paris #harry kim #harry kim x tom paris #homoerotic subtext #star trek meta

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