#and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uncloseted · 2 years

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idk how to word this without sounding insensitive but do you think adhd is the new 'it' thing to have? Online has exploded with talk about adhd and thats a good thing!! but now im also seeing adhd suffers begging others to not claim they have adhd cause they tick a few of the boxes. It reminds me of back when it was 'cool' to have ocd when really some claiming to have it had no idea how bad ocd really is. It feels like whenever awarness of something occurs some people take it as a trendy thing

Thank you for asking this question! It's actually something I've been thinking about a lot and that I've been wanting to talk about for a while. I think ADHD has definitely had an increase in attention lately, but I don't think it's because it's "trendy".

I think the biggest reason we're seeing more people talk about ADHD is that for the first time, women and people of color are seeing their experiences reflected and are realizing that they may have fallen through the cracks all these years. For a long time, the way we (both as a culture and in the medical community) conceptualized ADHD was in terms of the behaviors of white boys. What I mean by that is that the DSM-IV's criteria for ADHD (in use until 2013) was focused on symptoms most commonly seen in white boys- hyperactivity and impulsivity. Because of that criteria, the kids typically referred for ADHD assessment, especially in the 90s and early 2000s, were hyperactive boys who were disruptive in class. As a result, people with (what we now call) inattentive-type ADHD weren't being diagnosed.

Women are significantly more likely to have inattentive-type ADHD than they are to have hyperactive-type ADHD. A full 92% of ADHD diagnoses in women are inattentive-type. So for years, women have been less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, even though it's thought that there actually isn't a gender difference in terms of who has ADHD. Inattentive-type ADHD also presents in a less "disruptive" way- it presents with symptoms including being easily distracted, forgetful, daydreaming, disorganization, poor concentration, and difficulty completing tasks- so it's less likely to result in a referral for neuropsych testing than hyperactive-type ADHD is. People with inattentive-type ADHD may develop perfectionism as a coping mechanism, leading to another problem when trying to get an accurate diagnosis, since some medical professionals incorrectly believe that a person cannot have ADHD if they're successful (particularly at school). In the interest of transparency, this was my experience. I was identified as having "executive functioning difficulties" from a young age, but because I was born in ✨the Nineties✨, was female, doing well at school, and not a disruption, I wasn't actually offered any help for those symptoms. I only got an "official" ADHD diagnosis a few years ago, and starting treatment absolutely changed my life.

Race and socioeconomic status are also reasons why people may not have been diagnosed until recently. Asian, Black, and Hispanic children are significantly less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD compared with white children and are less likely to receive treatment than white children, even though some studies suggest that Black children have ADHD at higher rates than their white counterparts. Kids who are POC are more likely to be labeled as a "bad kid" or "defiant" for hyperactive behavior instead of being referred for testing. This is a huge problem, because untreated hyperactive behavior can lead to school suspension or expulsion, which in turn is associated with becoming involved in the juvenile justice system. Some studies estimate that 40 percent of prison inmates in the U.S. have untreated ADHD. All of these factors are complicated by the misconception that ADHD is generally over-diagnosed and that people are "faking it" to get access to stimulant medications or extra time on tests. This may be true among a certain population (middle and upper middle class hyperactive white boys), but it isn't true overall.

So I think that's a large part of what's going on. People who had previously fallen through the cracks are now seeing people who look like them talking about experiences that they relate to and are realizing that they may need to be assessed as well. I think the other culprit here is actually COVID. We're still learning what the long term neurological effects of COVID are, but a lot of people (about 33%) who have had COVID are reporting neurological symptoms. The most common complaint is "brain fog", a collection of symptoms that include difficulty multitasking, paying attention, understanding conversations and recalling memories. Pandemic related stress is also causing "brain fog", even in people who haven't had COVID. Are you seeing where I'm going here? "Brain fog" symptoms can look similar to symptoms of inattentive-ADHD to people who aren't medical professionals. "Displays poor listening skills", "loses and/or misplaces items needed to complete activities or tasks," "sidetracked by external or unimportant stimuli," "forgets daily activities," "diminished attention span," "fails to focus on details and/or makes thoughtless mistakes in schoolwork or assignments" are all symptoms of inattentive-ADHD, but they do genuinely resemble the type of "brain fog" people have been reporting in the past couple of years. If you're someone who's not aware of what "brain fog" is and TikTok starts feeding you content about ADHD, it makes sense why you might think ADHD would be the culprit of your symptoms.

Finally, I think some of it is just misinformation. All ADHD symptoms are relatable to most people some of the time. Everyone occasionally walks into a room and forgets what they're there for, or loses their keys, or procrastinates the things they need to do. The difference is that in people with ADHD, these things happen constantly and the symptoms are interfering with their ability to live their lives. For people who make ADHD content online, this seems obvious, and so they don't think to make a disclaimer about how these symptoms may be the result of something else or normal in moderation. But for the people seeing these videos who don't have that context, they may think, "oh! I experience that symptom, so I must also have ADHD."

All of that said, misinformation online and self-diagnosis is a real problem. If ADHD isn't the issue a person is dealing with, they run the risk of ignoring a more serious problem or being unable to find treatments and coping mechanisms that help them. And when there's an upswing of diagnoses, regardless of the reason, people who have that diagnosis risk being taken less seriously, being denied treatment, and being labeled as a "trend-follower", even if they were diagnosed before the upswing began. It's already difficult to get prescriptions for ADHD medication filled, so I understand the concern that an influx of newly diagnosed individuals will make that process even more difficult or that laws will be passed to add increased restrictions. And people who have diagnosed themselves but are speaking on their experiences with a medical condition run the risk of spreading misinformation online, leading to more people misdiagnosing themselves. But ultimately, I don't think what's causing this phenomenon is people trying to be trendy; it's just people trying to understand their own neurological situation and figure out what can be done to treat it.

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atsunflower · 4 years

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Hospital for souls — Tokyo nights.

Rated: SFW

Author note: Man, this one took me ages to write. And I don't even know how I could write this much for the second chapter, this is about 3,2k words. I'm tired because I decided to change lots of things in this chapter and I hope you all like it. Also, feedbacks are much appreciated!

Warnings: This chapter contains cursing, swearing, graphic descriptions of blood, violence and surgical procedures (Kind of inaccurate but only for writting purposes. Don't do it at home, kids). Also, there are slight mentions of anxiety, OCD and PTSD.

Enjoy the reading!

II — Tokyo nights

Previous || Next

You felt anxious.

Everytime you walked through Itachiyama halls, the hairs in your nape would stand and your skin, prickle in fear; a bitter taste would take over your mouth because everything was too much.

"Look, you don't have to worry. Itachiyama wouldn't dare to lay a hand on you because it would mean war." The memory of Suna's voice did nothing to soothe your nerves.

You knew that Inarizaki did not care. If anything, Itachiyama harming you would be like killing two birds with a stone: the Miya would get rid of your existence and then, have a excuse to go after your husband. "They know the twins' intentions, you know. It's not like Sakusa is dumb. Being honest, the guy is the most cautious man I ever saw" you recalled Suna saying it in your wedding's eve.

But one month after the deal, you still felt suffocated.

You opted to lay low and don't wander around the house; Sakusa's men were still suspicious of you and kept sending nasty glares in your direction whenever they saw you.

Since you weren't allowed to work anymore, boredom was killing you. At least, the maids were nice enough — or just too afraid to go against the lady's will — and let you do as you pleased. You then took over some house chores to busy yourself.

Cleaning, tidying and baking.

Sometimes gardening when you needed some fresh air.

"What a shame for Oyabun-sama, his lady is lowering herself to the peasants' level" you would hear some gossip here and there. Not that you cared, though.

"Sakusa-sama" you heard the housekeeper calling, the new name still foreign to your ears.

"Kaede-san? Do you need something?" The old woman wearing a green hakama stood in front of you, accompanied by a girl with dark blond hair.

"This is Kuribayashi Runa, the new maid working here" she said presenting the young woman by her side. The latter politely bowed at you.

"New maid? Why?"

"I'm afraid it's not appropriated the lady take care of house chores. These are strict orders from Komori-sama" her tone was dry. Kaede was never hostile towards you, but you could tell she wasn't fond of your presence either. "Also, remember you're having lunch with oyabun-sama today"

You released a shaky breath, dismissing their presence.

Why yakuza was taking even the smallest things from you?

Prying to the clock on the nightstand, you realized it was past noon and the lunch hasn't been served yet. Sakusa didn't show up either.

After being destitute of your duties, you went for a shower and killed time by reading in your bedroom.

Did something happen? You wondered.

Punctuality was something very fancied in this household and everything inside the mansion functioned like clockwork.

But how come Sakusa didn't show up yet? Why the food isn't set?

"[Name]" The door to your bedroom was open without ceremony, Komori's voice sounding harsh when he called you. The look on his face wasn't amicable either. "Sakusa wants to see you. Now."

The brown haired male did not spare you another glance, turning his back to you. You followed the tall man in an auto-pilot mode, already dreading whatever was going on.

The Kobun was taking you to Sakusa's office.

The large doors always made you feel unsettled; you never were there before. Being called to this room sent shivers down your spine.

Komori knocked the door only to the faint voice of your husband acknowledge your presence. Getting in, you were stunned. The whole mansion held a modern architecture with a minimalist design, and this room was true to Itachiyama's style.

The walls were pristine white and the floorboards were dark and shiny. The furniture held the impersonal style your husband seemed to appreciate and was clean to the eyes. Everything millimetrically positioned, aesthetically appealing.

By the glass wall, Sakusa stood proud. His back facing you, body clad in a black suit. The way he admired the stunning land through the windows held a power you never saw before.

Right now, he looked like a god rulling his own creation.

"Komori, go" his stone cold voice ordered the other male. The kobun did as he was told, leaving you two in this sinister room.

"I don't know if you are too brave ou just too dumb" he didn't turn to face you. The cold tone boomed loud within your ears and you felt cornered.

Forget the god thing. The man in front of you was the demon himself.

"What do you mean?" You asked, brows furrowing when suddenly, his enraged features loomed over you, even from afar.

"Don't fucking play dumb. I've warned you to stay out of my way" his menacing stare made the breath hitch in your throat "Where is the fucking folder?"

"I don't know what are you talking about!" You meekly replied, seeing his body growing close to yours.

"Thats it. You have a death wish." He merely stated "You're the only enemy inside this fucking house"

Without knowing what was going on, you didn't stand a chance to defend yourself. You tried opening your mouth in protest but your brain didn't come up with anything.

"Listen. I don't have the time to play whatever game you and those brothers of yours are planning." Sakusa scowled "In the first opportunity, you get to screw up. Fascinating."

"I don't even know what you're talking about" the cry left your mouth and your body trembled. The man before you grimaced at your outburst. He let out an exasperated breath, still trying to keep his cool.

"Do you expect me to believe you? Fine, I'll play along, then" He sat at the imposing chair behind his desk "The manila folder that was on this desk was stolen. You're the only one inside this house who has reasons to take it."

"It wasn't me! I never entered this room before!" You retorted, anxiety crawling in your skin. He fished his cellphone from his pockets, reading whatever on his screen

"Can't be proven, though it looks like we didn't find anything in your stuff–"

"Wait! You fucking messed with my things?" You cut him off in rage, observing him reaching over for a flask on the wooden surface.

"Well, you messed with mine first." He said while rubbing some hand sanitizer on his palms.

You rolled your eyes at his antics.

"Whatever" and then turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" The sarcastic voice filled your ears, making your steps to halt "As much as I despise it, you won't be out of my sight anytime soon"

God, You trully hated it here.

It was nighttime and true to his words, neither Sakusa nor Komori left you alone for the whole day.

Their presence was unnerving, to say the least, and everytime they talked to each other, you body went stiff.

Their speech wasn't explicit as you thought it would be. Both of them treated the matter as if they were making normal business instead of some yakuza stuff.

It didn't sound violent.

But you knew better.

"Have Fukuroudani made contact yet?" The Oyabun asked.

"Yes. Konoha told me they will be waiting by eleven" Komori peered at his watch "One hour to go. We should get going, then"

Sakusa turned his attention to you.

"Go get changed. We're leaving in ten minutes."

You did as you were told; black would do, you decided. Grabbing a wool coat and a satin scarf, you were ready to go.

Why the hell Tokyo nights were so cold at this time of year?

In the living room, Sakusa and Komori were waiting for you.

"Man, bringing [Name] along will be a pain" the brown haired male said while stretching.

"The stolen docs were about this meeting. We gotta bring her along if Inarizaki tries to do something" The taller one reasoned.

"Ah shit, this is so fucked up. I dont know how you agreed to it" Komori lamented.

Being honest, neither Sakusa did.

"Why do I have to tag along?" Your voice startled them. Your husband scowled at you while Komori opened the front door, both males ignoring your question.

A sleek black car was waiting for you three. Komori took the driver seat and Sakusa sat on passenger's side. You found comfort in the beige leather of the backseat, appreciating the warmth provided by the air conditioned.

"Shouldn't we bring more men with us?" The Kobun asked.

"There's a back up car in downtown. They can reach us in no time if something comes up" Sakusa said while covering his face with a mask "Also, I doubt someone would dare to mess with both Fukurodani and Itachiyama" He spared a glance at you through the rearview mirror.

You sighed. Anxiety didn't let you be for the whole day and now, fear was taking its toll on you.

With your temple resting on the window, you observed the city lights.

You loved Tokyo and how bright it was, although, you loved the suburbs even more; the industrial aesthetic and the narrow streets brought you the comfort you didn't feel in the last three months.

You lived here for your whole life, after all.

It wasn't a surprise when you spotted the building you used to live in.

A surge of homesickness found its place in your guts and your chest constricted in longing.

The drive lasted five more minutes before Komori parked the car by a hangar. When you lived in this neighbourhood, the place was deem abandoned with its vandalized walls and rusty gates. But inside there, you found our the interior was really neat, proving you wrong.

"Sakusa-san, Komori-san!" A blonde male came into view, eyeing you with wariness. "I see you brought your lady tonight. It's a pleasure having you here, miss" the indifferent tone of his voice said otherwise, tough.

You merely noded at him while the heads of Itachiyama greeted the man.

"Shall we start, then?"The blond asked before opening a door to your right. You felt unsettled knowing they wouldn't want your presence there.

"As you wish, Konoha-san" was all Sakusa said while a woman appeared out of nowhere.

"I'm afraid your wife would be pretty bored in our meeting. Yukie here will keep her company for the time being." The man Konoha pointed at the brunette with short hair. Sakusa sent you a hard stare before entering the room.

You both sat on some wooden boxes filled with god knows what. You eyes wandered through the hole place, trying to find something entertaining.

The woman hadn't said anything for a whole eternity before breaking the silence.

"So, Miya-san, huh?" The way she said the damned name tickled you off.

"I'm no Miya"

"Yeah, I know. I've heard of you" Yukie chuckled, looking at you with despise. You cocked a brow ate her.

"Sure you did" She was about to retort before the door was open again.

"Well, it's always a pleasure to make business with Itachiyama. We will see you off, then" Konoha said before reaching for the exit.

It was long past midnight when the meeting ended. The five of you were by the gates, Konoha and Komori doing some chit-chat, when four people appeared out of nowhere, knives in their hands.

"Ara, ara. look at these yakuza big shots" A man with an undercut said, fidgeting with the blade between his fingers. In your periferic vision you saw Yukie running back to the hangar and the three men by your side reaching for the guns by their hips.

Among the other four, a figure seemed familiar to you.

"Kuribayashi Runa" The name left your lips in a whisper. The female let out a mocking laugh and Sakusa frowned at you.

"Explain" Your husband immediatelly demanded, grimacing.

"She is the new maid working in your house. Today was her first day." Runa scoffed at your reply.

"Do I look like a maid to you, bitch?" And then, everything went into slow motion.

The woman came in your direction, holding the knife high in the air whilst you stepped backwards, being cornered by the gate.

You saw the blade glinting under the street lights and saw it aiming for your chest.

But it never came.

A hand pushed you downwards and you fell to the ground along a clattering sound. Sakusa's shadow loomed over you, trying to evade the knife.

By your left, you saw Konoha and Komori fighting the other guys, their guns useless in a hand-to-hand fight.

The adrenaline rushed through your bloodstream, your mind going frantic. It felt like one of those life or death situations you faced in the surgery room.

How can I save someone's life right now?

You saw Sakusa's pistol laying on the ground next to you. He and the woman were a couple of inches from your body.

You knew what you had to do.

With your leg reaching forward, you made her trip. The knife she held was kicked away by your husband.

"Sakusa! Watch out for Komori!" And you threw the gun at him.

A second too late, the bang echoed and an agonizing scream ripped through the night.

By your left, Runa and two of the guys were already running away.

The man Komori fought collapsed to the ground clutching his leg and cursing under his breath.

But the most disturbing sight was the way Komori held his arm, whimpering and cursing while his right hand clutched the knife's handle.

The blade tore his flesh and crossed the limb right next to its joint, in a weird angle.

Yukie came back, carrying a rope and a pistol.

"I sent some of our men to their direction." She said while helping Konoha to restrain the guy who attacked you.

"What the fuck you guys want?" The blond asked before kicking the man in his guts. The latter spat blood, giving a crooked smile at Konoha.

"Johzenji is coming" Was all he said before passing out.

"Yukie, carry him to the basement." He ordered "Since it happened on our territory, we will be investigating the incident. We count with Itachiyama's cooperation and will keep you updated" Konoha bowed at Sakusa, before rushing back to the building.

Komori was still on his knees, head hanging low. A grunt went past his lips and you knew what he was doing.

"Komori! Don't!" But again your shout came too late and the man ripped the knife away from his limb. Blood rushed through his fingers and dampened the suit he wore. "Fuck" you rushed to his side, Sakusa's features going livid.

"We gotta take him to a hospital" you said.

"No!" Komori croaked out, getting a hold of your arm. You knew what he meant, but you also knew what could definetely happen if he ignored the situation.

Sakusa was frozen in front of you two, unsure of what to do. You took a deep breath, mustering up all the courage you had.

"You have to trust me, then" you held the brown haired male by his torso and gave Sakusa a determined glare.

The oyabun noded at you and it was all the assurance you needed before ripping out Komori's blazer and transforming your scarf into a tourniquet.

In your old apartment, you ushered the two males inside, taking them both to your kitchen.

Sakusa sat the Kobun in a chair while you went to another room. A minute later, you brought two metallic cases, some flasks and a first aid box.

In the cupboards you took a flask of alcohol and squeezed it to the table, wipping it with some gauzes.

Positioning Komori's arm over the wooden surface, you sterilized his wounds with povidone and then turned your attention to Sakusa.

"I'll start it now" before proceeding to the sink. Sakusa admired the movements you made while washing your hands "I need you to do the same" and he complied.

The male helped you to put the gloves and mask on and to set your instruments over the table.

Looking at Komori, you realized he passed out in spite of the pain. The blood loss wasn't huge, but you did not knew why he fell unconcious.

You prepared two syringes of anesthesics. Sakusa sent you a weird glare, brows furrowing at you.

"Don't look at me like this. I'm a surgeon you know" and then you did the infusion. "Its not that weird if I have some hospital shit at home".

You opened the cut with a scalpel. Scrutinizing at the wound, you saw the artery was hit.

"Thank god." You let out a breath of relief, realizing the damage was little. It didn't need an anastomosis, so some stiches would do. "The ulnar artery was hit but it won't be too hard to fix. Although, I can't tell if there's a nerve damage" and you started to close the vessel's lesion.

You observed if there was any muscle or tendon damages and proceeded to suture the gashes, making sure the procedure was well done. You then patched it up and imobilized the limb with a makeshift splint, before undoning the tourniquet.

"Let's take him to my bedroom" With that, you both carried the unconcious man to your bed. "I need to check him overnight and– Shit! Your face!" It was just now you realized he had a gash on his cheek.

Sakusa flinched, feeling the blood drying over his skin and dampening the mask he used. He removed the cloth and observed the cut with the front camera of his phone. He frowned at the sight.

"It can get an infection and leave a nasty scar. Do you want me to patch it up?" You offered after checking Komori's blood pressure and his heartbeat.

A please left his lips in a whisper.

You both went back to the kitchen and you used a new set of tools. Holding his face between your gloved hands, you admired his facial features.

Sakusa was pretty.

Almost ethereal with his thin nose, almond eyes and thick brows. In addition, te two moles on his forehead complimented his beauty.

You snapped out of your reverie, getting to work.

"Finished. This kind of suture won't leave a visible scar" you said cutting the thread and reinforcing the stitch with tape.

Your finger lingered a bit longer on the apple of his cheek. Sakusa grabbed your hand and held it for a while before getting away from you and settling himself on your couch. You ignored the ghost of his touch on your skin and went back to check on Komori.

That night, Sakusa realized that no one ever handled him with such care, as if he was made of fine china.

I like that touch, he decided.

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inumaki-roll · 3 years

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hi!! could i please have a danganronpa romantic matchup? sorry this is long i think!!

i’m a bi (asexual?) girl with an intp and 5w4 personality type. My sun is scorpio, my rising is libra and my moon is capricorn. I like lolita, especially sweet and gothic lolita but i usually dress casually but cutely e.g white lolita peaterpan collar shirt, pastel pink heart hair clips, black cardigan, pastel pink pleated skirt and creepers (shoes) with frilly socks ^^. physically i have pastel pink hair a bit below my ears, have green/grey eyes and put lots of effort into making my eyelashes look big and curly with mascara, eyelash curlers, and oils. i’m 5 foot tall and generally prefer short boys from like 5 foot to 5’8… maybe less? and i don’t care abt girls heights. i have ocd and depression and recently got diagnosis with autism but i’m still in a bit of denial/kinda feel like i’m lying/am an imposter. according to a quiz my love language is quality time but i think that they’re all important. i would describe myself as stoic, quiet and somewhat shy, loyal and i try to be sweet and funny ^^. i’m good at english and kinda good at statistics but am an airhead in like all other areas. i don’t really take things seriously, usually because of a lack of understanding, am a bit mischievous and think i’m kinda annoying accidentally. i often also kinda offended my friends when trying to make jokes (i.e the time i said my friends boyfriends mustache looked like pubes. but worse:/). my highest kins are: sonia, chiaki, peko, gundam and i also kinda relate to ibuki, mikan, himiko and even though i love him i hate to admit it but kokichi. outside of danganronpa i kin: L, ryuk, the cat from ghost stories, rei from evangelion, kenma, annie and pieck, greg from over the garden wall, himiko toga, ririka momobami, and relate a bit to catra, spinel and menma. i love to play video games, sleep, daydream while cuddling my plushies, go shopping for clothes, collectables (like dinosaur and anime figures). i like plushies, iced coffee, pizza, the smell of vanilla and strawberries, lucky bags, claw machines, am interested natural disasters (specifically tsunamis and earthquakes), air conditioning, running, cute metal music like lady baby, baby metal and candye syrup but i also like soundtracks (especially for my daydreams), pop, indie pop, metal, rock, vocaloid and idk how to describe it but somewhat repetitive/robot/machine like music. i also like tiny spoons, airports, rain when it’s not an inconvenience, pastel pink, strawberries, thunder storms, early spring, fire, ocean storms (i want to go on a ship to be in one), cute things, video games, sugarbunnies (sanrio), heart shaped things, dinosaurs (especially from the cretaceous period), sitting on countertops and walking and running at night.

a/n: omg u are so cool pls,,, thank u sm for participating in my matchup event!! and ty for the lengthy desc!! it really helped me get a good matchup with more detail!! i hope you like your matchup<33 also you’re a pieck and rei kinnie hey lol😏😏ALSO WE BOTH KIN RYUK AND THATS SO FUNNY TO ME

matchup status: OPEN

more info in my pinned post!!!

i match u up with...!

mikan tsumiki!! (runner(s) up: korekiyo shinguuji & tenko chabashira)

i feel like she’d be a little intimidated to talk to you at first but as soon as she sees how sweet of a person you are, she’d start to feel more comfortable and less frantic like she normally is. you seem to have tons of interests and mikan knows a bunch of conversation topics. she would gladly learn about dinosaurs just to talk about them with you! she’d probably be nervous to talk to you and learn so many little facts about the things you like the night before so that she knew she would have something to talk about with you.

and she probably thinks your style is so cute!! the first thing she would say to you would probably be complimenting the way you dress or look just because she thinks it’s so cool!! like and it wouldn’t be some superficial compliment, it would be a genuine one like complimenting your eyes or how cute she thinks your shoes are. and even though she’s not very tall herself, she thinks how your short is so cute!

i also feel like her love language would be quality time as well!! sometimes she feels like she’s too awkward for conversations so just being there with your partner is nice for her. and she’d be so happy if you invited her to go shopping with you!! (she’d also be ecstatic if you let her try on one of your outfits but that’s another conversation) she’d love seeing what clothes you recommend for her and the ones you pick out for yourself!! honestly, she just really likes hanging out with you and spending time with you & she’d be happy for any date ideas you’d have for the two of you. walks during night!!!! she’d absolutely love that, even though she’d be concerned and worried at first for it being dangerous and not getting enough sleep at night is bad for your health, but as soon as you both start walking around at night she’d stop worrying about it and start enjoying the nightscape, the way it’s quieter at night, and how pretty the stars are. (if you do start running while on these walks and you trip and scrape your knee you know she’d be walking you back to the house, politely scolding you saying that you shouldn’t have been running and wrapping your knee in bandage)

ALSO back to store dates, she’d always bring extra quarters with her just to do the claw machines!!! and if it’s ones that you have to use the claw to grab the thing inside, and you asked her to ‘win’ the thing inside for you she’d be so nervous about messing up and not getting it, so she’d frantically wave her hands in front of herself, quickly talking about how she’ll mess it up somehow. spoiler alert: she actually would win the thing inside, despite being a nervous wreck.

i think mikan would have so many ideas for what to do on rainy days. like so many. she’d suggest so many things. baking together, board games, puzzles, painting, reading, making jewelry together, movie marathons, watching the rain, dancing in the kitchen, etc. but she’s completely fine with just relaxing and staying in bed for the day!!! (rainy days are my fave so i love writing abt rainy days)

arcade dates as well!! she knows you like games & pizza so that seems like a cute idea to her!! she would love watching u play the video games and would love it if you taught her how to play a game and would feel extra special if you let her know some of the little tips to the games.

i also think she’d be really giggly around you just because she’s so like,,, happy yk?

if you do make jokes around her and they offend someone, even if they don’t mean to, she’d say she thinks they’re funny anyways and laugh. she’s used to being bullied, she can tell the difference between being straight up mean and just joking around with friends. and she never thinks you’re annoying!! she’s always thought of herself to be a pest and to annoy others so she’d never want you to think of yourself that way!!

#avas matchups #mikan tsumuki x reader #mikan x reader #danganronpa matchup #mikan tsumiki #danganronpa x reader

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maplecourtesy · 4 years

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TAZ:G NOTES, EPISODE 27

oh we’re starting with a full recap of the history huh;;

HHHHHHH ARGO, all i can think about is argo…. ever since last week my brain has been like many thoughts head argo keene

argo…… already…… oh god the music. argo gripping fitzroy’s shoulder;;;;; i love how that’s the thundermen’s love language.

[most of the content under the cut, because spoilers!!]

OH L O R D I DID NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS…oh jesus christ JESUS FUCK GOD WHAT THE HELL IM IN SO MUCH PAIN. THE ONE THING I DID NOT WANT. THE O N E THING. WAS HEARING ABOUT ARGO KILLING FITZ AND THE FIRBOLG. I KNOW THIS ISN’T REAL BUT IT VERY WELL COULD BE IF THINGS GO WRONG OH THIS IS AWFUL. IM IN A FITZROY KINSHIFT AND I FELT PAIN BETWEEN RIBS WHEN TRAVIS SAID THAT…. IM ALREADY EMOTIONAL SOMEONE HOLD ME. “you consider what you have done, and you smile.” NOTHING HAS HURT ME AS MUCH AS ARGONAUT KEENE.

i’m like . shaking. that singular dream sequence has convinced me that argo is genuinely one of my Highest comfort characters. i feel nothing but pain.

unfair that this cute music is playing while argo is waking up from the. WORST possible nightmare.

“does fitzroy have his own bedroom?” “he does” “*evil bastard chuckle noises from griffin*” GOD I LOVE HIM

notes in the adventure zone are never good. why are they never good i almost don’t wanna hear this even if its just a good lil fitzroy note. BE BACK SOON. if travis had made it say just “blah blah blah. back soon.” i think i genuinely would’ve fucking lost it. sorry for having taz balance brainrot i dont do it on purpose <3

NOOOO GOD I HATE THIS SO MUCH. GET OUT OF ARGO’S HEAD ARGO DON’T LISTEN TO HIM BUDDY THEY LOVE YOU SO MUCH THEY THINK YOURE THE ABSOLUTE BEST OH MAN IM SAD. i knew gray’d be capitalizing on argo’s fears and doubts n insecurities but i didn’t realize it’d hit this hard…. man argo cmere lemme give u a good good hug.

NOT @ THEM BEING MEAN TO CLINT TOO SDBFJDKSJ;;;;; STOP BULLYING CLINT AND ARGO!!!!!! >:T JAHSBJSDF TRAVIS MAKING THEM APOLOGIZE;;;

right before justin said his little podcast law thing i was literally Just about to click the 1.5x button and i felt very called out

FAST FIRBOLG FAST FIRBOLG. ITS VERY FUNNY THAT HIS UHHHHHH’S STILL REMAIN THE SAME THOUGH. hey does travis know what Talking Faster means.

“i have been giving this much thought” “HELL YES"

"the worry-"

"aw no"

WHEJDJDBSJSHBS

OH THE MUSIC!!!!! FESTO TIME THIS IS FESTO TIME!!!!! I MISSED FESTO SO MUCHHHHH GOD FESTOS THEME MUSIC SLAPS SO HARD

as always fitzroy is already being The Best. hes so good. man festo better be impressed by this.

“DID YOU SEE?????” EVERY DAY I LOVE FITZROY MORE..

you heard the man travis!!! we need a festo and fitzroy rave scene and we need it NOW

OH THANK GOD ITS FESTOS PROPER VOICE AGAIN I WASNT FEELING THE VIBES

I MISSED SNIPPERS SO MUCH TOOOOO I LOVE SNIPPERS TO THE MOON AND BACK…. snippers the phantasmal crab well spring of all magic ever

I LIKE GORDY SO MUCH!!!!! GORDY GOES TO RAVES!!! :DDD

hey festo do u wanna spill the hot drippin wet goss

YOU DO HAVE A HABIT OF PISSING PEOPLE OFF WJDNSNFJSKDFJKN THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE….

FESTO MAKE JOKE SDHJFBHSHDJFJHB

rip fitzroy <3

CLINT THE POWERFUL WIZARD…. GOD CLINTS CANONICAL IN EVERY UNIVERSE…. THE. SDHFJJBSDFHJSDHJFB THE CLINTORIS. LET ME OUT OF HERE I WANNA GO. I HATE IT SO MUCH. I HATE IT I HATE IT.

hehe pretty music!! i will never shut up about how beautiful griffin’s composition is especially in these recent episodes;;

I REALLY ONLY LISTEN TO THE AD READS FOR BABY DOT NOW I LOVE HER SO MUCH;;;;;; <333 THAT’S A GOOD HALLOWEEN GROWL;;;;; HEY BABY DOT;;;;;;;; oh i love dot so much im ;3;

glad we had that chat about using the potty!!! thanks guys very cool!!

now why would fitzroy bring that up.

WHERE IS ALL THE ART OF THUNDERMAN LLC IN BOOTY SHORTS CLIMBING GEAR!!!! I NEED THAT!!! GET ON IT ARTISTS!!!! /LH

WHJBDHHJSDHJFHBJ NOOO GOD;;; i saw a post that said it sounds like argo seems like hes feeling some rejection sensitivity dysphoria and Yeah;;; little sidetrack but i really do feel like all the thundermen are neurodivergent in some way. i project my adhd very heavily onto fitzroy and i think that argo and the firbolg could both be somewhere on the spectrum!! argo could also be ocd and thats a very comforting headcanon too;;;

GOD SARCASM…..

oh its hieronymous;;; sad music time i don’t like this;; i care so much about hiero i hope he’s doin alright;; “i’m just tired.” yeah me too hiero…

GOD EVERYTIME FIRBOLG MAKES A JOKE I LOSE MY MIND…. canon that firbolg does a little celebratory dance after each banger joke

“we can’t take that risk” “well MAYBE THEY SHOULDVE BEEN STRONG ENOUGH”

yall think fitzroy could get that influencer cape on and charm his way into the heroic oversight guild. but yeah hiero and althea!!!!

OH NO ARGO. O H. N O. AR G O.. OH JESUS ARGO OH GOD FUCK ARGO……OH NOOOO OH NO OH GOD FUCK ARGO DONT DO SHIT I SWEAR TO FUCKING G O D. ARGO PLEASE IM SO SCARED I CANT HAVE FITZROY GET STABBED… argo sounds so … defeated oh im so sad;;;; i have so many argo feelings…

maplekeeners how are we feelin…

HOW DOES ARGO KEEP FUCKIN ROLLING CRIT FAILS… oh no;;; fitzroy fuck him up. do it. fuck him up. FUCK Y E S. HOLY SHIT FUCK HIM UP FITZROY.

if gray don’t get the FUCK out of my boy argo

thank god argo knows now because idk if i could’ve dealt with him feelin that shitty self deprecation and thinkin it was still him even after that;;

thunderman llc love each other so much god i'm so sad...

oh i cant wait to see the art people come up with for the godscar chasm scene this sounds beautiful...

OPALESCENT SKIN??? CHAOS????? not? chaos??

"i have been called many names, some of them unkind. i think the one i most identify with is order."

HOLY SHIT I JUST GOT C H I L L S WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLY COOL OH IM IN AWE. THAT WAS SUCH A COOL ENDING OH MG GOD.

this commentary got Long but for good reason god this was such a good episode i believe in taz g episode 27 supremacy.... holy moly folks.

#taz #taz graduation spoilers #taz grad #taz g #taz graduation #taz grad spoilers #the adventure zone #the adventure zone graduation #taz episode 27 #sir fitzroy maplecourt #fitzroy maplecourt #argonaut keene #argo keene #the firbolg #master firbolg #taz notes by krys #krys talks

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

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JIKOOK: SOMETHING HAS CHANGED-Jikook Shading Eachother pt2

Disclaimer:

This is for entertainment purposes. Nothing expressed in here is to be taken seriously. Everything expressed in here is my opinion and is not intended to be malicious or disrespectful to any of the parties involved.

So what's tea....

I stated in my previous post on how Jikook aren't always-Jikooking. There's been fights, breakups, make ups, tensions and a whole lot of crazy going on with those two over the past couple of years. Some of course you know of- because they are blatantly obvious like Manila etc; some you'd have to be a bit of an inquisitive, highly OCD, nerdish to a fault, have a long history of anxiety disorder and lack any form of social life to catch- not saying I am any of these things... I AM. SEND HELP!

Following the theme of my previous post, today I want to discuss some of the things I believe have changed within BTS in general in regards to how they behave or have behaved towards Jikook. This discussion is relevant because it will help you understand the changing dynamics of Jikook's relationship and why I think they are at where they are now: subtly throwing shade at each other in 2020. Bless them.

In a recent interview during this Japan comeback, JK openly admitted to how the members of BTS aren't the same as when they started out 7 years ago and he wasn't wrong. Things have changed. I just don't know if this change is necessarily good- in Jikook dynamics I mean.

For one, RM used to treat Jikook's relationship with some level of reverence. Especially in regards to how he acted around Jimin. He seemed to subconsciously acknowledge an unspoken rule that Jk had some sort of autonomy over Jimin and he had to respect that even as an elder and leader.

It was one of the early clues that gave Jikook away.

Remember this moment?

JK got mad, angry and couldn't even hide his emotions when he noticed RM doing- whatever that was- with Jimin.

What's interesting to me was how RM behaved in the moments after that incident. He touched his chest, almost like he was hurt by JK's reaction to his little minimoni moment with Jimin and then turned to Jin to explain what had just happened.

Jin looked equally surprised by JK's behavior. Surprised, not mad. They both should have been angry enough to scold JK given as they had said openly how they disapproved of JK's possessiveness and greediness. It was expected of them at least.

Sure, perhaps they didn't want to cause a scene but still, they are the hyungs not the other way round. And given how age difference is such a big deal in South Korea they should have exerted their superiority over JK in this instance and put him in his place even if they should about it playfully like we've seen some of them do when a younger drops honorifics etc. After all JK doesn't own Jimin... or don't he? *Wink.

If you fail to see my point, here. This moment should clarify things better.

This is RM patting Jk on the shoulder a few moments after he had wrapped his hands around JM and saw JK's shook face in the view finder.

He patted Jk immediately as if to say sorry I didn't mean to dude and JK just nodded. He nodded people! He fucking nodded!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That nod was him giving his approval to- whatever that was RM did to Jimin. He was a little pissed following that and went on to do his tongue in cheek thingy but it still doesn't take away from what that moment signified.

There are many moments like these where RM and even some of the other members have been seen to bow figuratively to JK when they had had to interact with Jimin in a way that may come across as offensive to Jimin's intimate partner if he had one.

This act of acknowledging JK's authority over Jimin is part of their culture. It is expected of Koreans to respect the sanctity of another's relationship. It is why JK received a ton of backlash from K-army and antis when he was seen back hugging that tattoo girl in September 2019. They even went as far as to 'report' JK to the guy the girl was believed to be allegedly dating at the time.

And the guy's response was equally telling. Even though he denied he was in a relationship with the said girl, he did acknowledge the disrespectfulness of JK's conduct and said JK was grown enough and should know better. (The emphasis is mine)

Thats their culture. You just don't touch other people's girlfriends or boyfriends, hug them, act affectionate with them without their permission. It is seen as disrespectful in the and would explain why RM and the others have acted that way towards JK in the past and most importantly it explains why JK acts or has acted like he owns JM most times. He do. Bless him.

Sisters and brothers, aliens and Lizards; JIKOOK IS REAL. Praise the Lord!

But don't get excited just yet. All that was before and during 2015/2018. Flash forward to 2019/2020 and that dynamic is almost extinct. Almost.

Now we have moments like these where RM 'feels' Jimin up with no apprehension what so ever. This man be feeling ghetto around Jikook lately. Always moving like he about to let lose some nuke codes on them.

EXHIBIT A:

This is their 2020 VLive reaction video to their debut video. JM made a negative comment about his body and RM and JHope immediately 'felt' JM's body up complimenting him for still having an impeccable body.

Jk glanced at them briefly, his nostrils flared a bit and he had a look of disdain on his face. He sort of rolled his head in a way only a scorned woman would understand and then remembers there's a camera watching him so he tries to tone it down immediately.

But still you could tell he wasn't ok with what had happened as he began fidgeting around a lot, smacking his lips together and touching his clothes impulsively.

EXHIBIT B:

This was during their Grammy VLive, when RM felt up JMs thighs and JK had to side eye the moment and smack his lips again. At this point I won't lie I feel sorry for JK. It hurts me to see him go through all this.

So the question remains, WHAT HAPPENED in 2018 to cause this drastic shift in the way RM behaves towards Jikook?? TEA: it's not just RM!

Why are they all of a sudden not giving JK his due respect like we've seen them do in the past? Why is RM suddenly feeling so confident in interfering with Jikook moments, separating them and what not?

This is where I insert his legendary standoff moment with JK at the MMA 2019 but I think I've made my point. No?

FINE. HERE:

So there you have it. Something has definitely changed in Jikook dynamics and I'm gonna tell you what just stay with me a little longer alright? It's gonna be a slowburn.

MUHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry.

Signed,

Goldy

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poetrypuree · 3 years

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i love thinking that sharing a drink is like the most subtle yet foundational block of intimacy, like when i was a little, i learned that sharing a drink with a family member was ok but the risks were higher in terms of transferring germs to share with non-relatives... which I'm laughing at as I write this, at the things I've managed to believe but also I love the transgression or maybe inclination to anything slightly chaotic that I embodied as a child, and still. I've always felt it was a sign of trust to both be offered and to offer a friend a sip from my straw, from my water bottle, use my chapstick on their lips. I started thinking about this after I watched my cat drink water from my glass as his water sits well within reach of us, and at that moment I know that this is intentional bonding lol to consume what someone you love has also consumed, to not shy from their germs but to say "even as bacteria- we are friends". As a teen, I think that's when some of my symptoms of OCD began to be felt and these interactions were still filled with a savory lovingness but also thoughts following like "their saliva is on my straw and I'm hesitant on drinking my drink now, but I want to but I don't?" and this process happens cyclically until i am not moving for what i assume is too long so I typically drink because it adheres to this nice imagery i have of a bunch of my bacterias like also sharing their equivalent to a rose milk tea boba. I think with the pandemic, I try to be a bit wiser about my approach to these ideas on what it means to share which i kind of feel is translating to a larger aspect of my personality that's a current shift. I feel like I'm adopting slowly into a more private person, maybe writing and sharing this negates that statement lol but I don't think so. I'm starting to value more what actually stays private and knowing that my sips are sacred, but I can give waterfalls freely, you can have some of my water if you're thirsty but please don't put your mouth on the lid. I feel like there's often this ugly feeling for saying too much on the internet or really like saying anything for too long at all like it seems fake, performative, contrived, self obsorbed? or maybe thats just how i view myself but im still yadda yadda-ing. I don't think there's rarely ever been a time I wasn't performing a way to be and if I truly wasn't i don't know if I'd know the difference quite honest or if there even is one but i do enjoy the simple offering of like hmm this is a make-shift of who i am/who i expect me to be/who you expect me to be/who they expected me to be/all the neurotics behind all of that, which feels like a jewel-osco bakery treat sitting self consciously wondering if anyone knows they're not homemade. My mom loves their peach muffins and thus so do I, when I think about it, a lot of my family favorites come pre-packaged like pecan sandies, cheese danishes also from jewel I don't know what I'm saying anymore but I guess I'm just making up a remedy for the feeling of feeling undesirable. Sometimes I feel like I'm on this quest to figure out who I am at my most uncorrupted but I'm finding that it never happened because I never have to ask myself for or show up with proof of being homemade.

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flowerslightning · 4 years

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The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7 remake #cloud strife #final fantasy vii #biggs #biggs final fantasy #ffvii biggs #mygif #character analysis

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [a phone number]

Ronnie: found you your own special plug

Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is

Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔

Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike

Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up

Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma

Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz

Joe: taking your role that seriously?

Joe: alright

Ronnie: getting out of it

Ronnie: she can babysit you

Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so

Joe: nice of you on all fronts

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something

Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like

Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed

Joe: no shit I did

Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it

Joe: unlikely

Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so

Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound

Joe: give a shit about him

Ronnie: if youve got something to say

Joe: I just said it

Joe: I don’t care about him

Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics

Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck

Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont

Joe: you’re jealous

Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to

Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all

Ronnie: of what

Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other

Joe: I know

Joe: x2

Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna

Joe: so today I’m green

Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid

Joe: nice to know how to play it

Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music

Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?

Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues

Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about

Joe: how long have you been doing heroin

Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do

Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty

Joe: it’s literally been days

Ronnie: cause you are

Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds

Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid

Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met

Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get

Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit

Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake

Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to

Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it

Joe: I’ll really stop

Joe: there 🤐

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright

Joe: let me make it up to you

Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too

Joe: alright, I deserve that

Ronnie: drop dead

Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for

Joe: I know

Joe: so what do you want, seriously

Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever

Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen

Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison

Joe: Probably am

Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am

Joe: there’s the truth

Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us

Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were

Ronnie: go ed

Joe: the second to last one was the worst

Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason

Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it

Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔

Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental

Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm

Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you

Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up

Joe: she might go for it

Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏

Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit

Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah

Ronnie: dinners at what like 7

Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?

Joe: oh no

Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently

Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af

Ronnie: fucking hell

Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you

Joe: saves times, energy less so

Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see

Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it

Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet

Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like

Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment

Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch

Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it

Joe: yeah he has a missus

Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever

Ronnie: make it happen then

Joe: where’s my bow and arrow

Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem

Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment

Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is

Joe: you’re well sweet

Joe: you want her to be living her best life

Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim

Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that

Joe: go on then

Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you

Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better

Joe: but your loss

Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it

Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here

Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask

Joe: for what

Ronnie: anything

Joe: why not

Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit

Joe: I’d like to

Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction

Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not

Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah

Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds

Joe: it is different though

Joe: tell me it isn’t

Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago

Joe: it’s not your fault

Joe: for good or bad

Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking

Ronnie: i didnt say that

Ronnie: i said thats why its different

Joe: yeah

Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you

Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks

Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense

Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers

Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat

Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out

Joe: that’s fine by me

Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?

Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are

Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then

Joe: they won’t try, they don’t

Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation

Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton

Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest

Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her

Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind

Joe: precisely

Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly

Joe: save yourself that disappointment

Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention

Joe: good

Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like

Joe: then let’s do it

Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit

Ronnie: it aint

Ronnie: you aint

Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like

Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough

Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based

Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first

Ronnie: fuck no

Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself

Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you

Ronnie: &

Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: [pics]

Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]

Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]

Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]

Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]

Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]

Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]

Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]

Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]

Joe: do you fucking get it yet

Ronnie: why do you care

Joe: why do you think

Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont

Joe: braindead sounds ideal

Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you

Joe: she would if I let her, like

Joe: 🍈🍈

Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ

Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more

Ronnie: ok go

Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]

Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]

Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]

Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]

Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]

Joe: Any luck?

Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i

Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me

Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay

Joe: the last one looked deep

Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead

Joe: I don’t

Joe: where are you

Ronnie: dorothys

Joe: he in?

Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker

Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me

Joe: Yeah

Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first

Ronnie: i dont need your help

Joe: I know

Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder

Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops

Joe: I’m coming over

Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in

Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows

Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address

Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔

Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit

Joe: thanks for the tip, baby

Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round

Joe: You do want me to read your mind

Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep

Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ

Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie

Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out

Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that

Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet

Joe: slow down

Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it

Joe: Something like that

Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck

Joe: and tie your shoes

Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo

Joe: what can’t you do then

Ronnie: err what a nonce would say

Ronnie: read music we also fucking established

Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to

Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how

Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said

Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what

Joe: Of course I do

Joe: You got me my own dealer first

Ronnie: you asked me to 1st

Joe: How did I?

Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch

Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like

Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do

Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care

Ronnie: what line

Ronnie: i dont want you to care

Joe: Tough shit

Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer

Ronnie: you fucking did

Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all

Joe: what you do for yourself is your business

Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: dont call her then

Joe: you on commission?

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me

Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st

Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic

Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah

Joe: to make me hurry*

Joe: I’m on the tube

Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere

Ronnie: no fixed address i told you

Joe: ❗️

Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room

Joe: makes sense now

Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out

Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend

Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you

Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest

Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌

Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it

Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well

Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap

Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you

Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind

Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours

Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you

Joe: yeah, yeah

Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it

Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one

Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright

Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby

Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else

Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too

Joe: not calling dibs

Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs

Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up

Ronnie: try me

Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying

Joe: does your head in SO much

Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her

Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe

Joe: unlucky

Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want

Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on

Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself

Joe: nah

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one

Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework

Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse

Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice

Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no

Joe: obviously not

Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna

Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis

Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would

Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing

Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now

Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember

Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me

Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today

Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like

Joe: gotta make time for you, babes

Joe: it’s called self-care

Ronnie: ask me what with

Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are

Joe: go on

Joe: school us

Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds

Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex

Joe: 💡 fairplay

Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right

Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad

Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days

Joe: help a brother out

Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant

Joe: 💔 oh well

Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do

Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy

Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem

Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out

Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old

Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there

Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby

Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map

Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map

Joe: piss off

Ronnie: give us a clue

Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me

Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here

Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem

Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna

Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead

Joe: all I know about hers is addiction

Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea

Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together

Joe: loads, Catholic, remember

Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination

Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like

Joe: guess so

Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept

Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah

Joe: it’s a fucked place to live

Joe: really third world in that respect

Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up

Joe: that your all men are pigs stance

Joe: alright courtney calm down

Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that

Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes

Joe: they didn’t really grow up together

Joe: he left when he was 15

Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days

Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here

Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?

Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch

Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now

Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep

Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch

Joe: you wanted me to

Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit

Joe: right, that’s what I meant

Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here

Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm

Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care

Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?

Ronnie: horse girl wishes

Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one

Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch

Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant

Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere

Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure

Joe: bet she knows first aid

Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube

Joe: threaten me with a good time

Ronnie: i just did

Joe: without meaning it, yeah

Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it

Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]

Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]

Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]

Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]

Joe: [forreal lmao]

Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]

Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]

Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]

Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]

Ronnie: ['what, you didn't

touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]

Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]

Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]

Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’

Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']

Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]

Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]

Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]

Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]

Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]

Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]

Joe: [god bless the grunge

aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]

Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]

Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]

Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]

Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]

Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]

Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]

Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]

Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]

Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]

Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]

Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]

Ronnie: [hard same]

Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute

Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever

Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself

Ronnie: or your cello

Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen

Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly

Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it

Joe: I can’t not go

Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically

Joe: no excuses

Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm

Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option

Joe: there was already enough damage to hide

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got

Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do

Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay

Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit

Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it

Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of

Joe: alright

Joe: see you around then

Ronnie: 🖕

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beanaritadrunkz · 3 years

Text

June 17, 2021

I wake up every morning with a billion things going through my brain at 100 mph. So many things I want/need to do. It is almost energizing, as if I have the energy to complete everything by the end of the day. Sometimes it feels like I can’t make a decision when my brain is like this- any decision. Today, it felt like I couldn’t do anything or get anything done properly. I felt like I was forgetting something even though I knew I wasn’t. Thats when I started panicking. Almost as if I couldn’t go through the door because something would happen if I really was missing something and with my brain going 100 mph in all different directions, I knew I would miss something. No matter how many times I went through my list.

I’m remembering now why I don’t like journaling. My hand can’t write as fast as my brain is going. Every morning it starts like this. I feel excited by the surge of determination but then its time to actually do something. So I sit down and try to knock things out. This is when the spinning, energy, and drive is cut in half. I make lists, I start with small tasks, but after about 10 minutes, it starts to feel impossible. Even simple tasks like writing an email. Only some tasks are doable, the rest less important. That way, its okay to take longer. It will be okay if I go home and get it done there. Yeah, thats it. I just can’t focus here. So I pack up my things. It’s been an hour, and I already got some stuff done. Everyone else will think I’m not working, they will see me as lazy. I become invisible, worthless, an outcast. No, I’m just going to work from home and their jealous. Another 20 minutes, I pack up my things. I say bye and walk to the car, convincing myself its just the environment. I think about what I will get done when I get home but suddenly the mountain of tasks has doubled yet it is fading away. Thats when the overwhelming feeling starts, I don’t know what to call it but its the same feeling I have when the ocd starts. No. Thats not happening. When I get home, I will relax then get back to work. Its a great plan.

I open the door and look around. What can I do to relax? Oh yeah, I need to let my dog out. A walk would be nice and she will love it. Thinking about it, the 1 mile walk becomes 100 miles, even going around the complex is way too far. I let her out to go to the bathroom but now I feel ashamed. Can’t even take my dog on a walk. She looks back and forth at me longingly. A simple task. It would be great for both of us. But it has been an hour and all I have now is shame. Any flinch or small movement makes her jump up. She thinks its walk time. We settle with sitting on the patio but in the back of my head I start to remember the day is still going on. I sit with her for 2 minutes before deciding to tackle some tasks. Anything from work seems too big so I will start by cleaning. I get overwhelmed by the mess and the shame starts to creep back. No. Thats too big. Lets check email instead. Nothing. Of course theres nothing, no one asks me for help and I have so much to do. 2 hours later, I realize I’m online shopping or reading weird articles. Well there is still time in the day and I did work today, for a few hours. I can play a game or watch a show.

A few hours later, I am still on the couch. Shame comes back. Nope. We are done with that. I check my phone. A reminder for all the friends I failed. Okay, back to the show. Oh, its 1 am. I guess I should go to bed. As I lay down, my brain starts up again. I am now wide awake with all the energy I didn’t have earlier. My brain spins but slower this time. It is much different. All the things I didn’t do go spiraling by. Remember that form you were supposed to sign a month ago? You didn’t sign it and they will have to track you down so you can... again... for the 4th time. You spent the whole day doing nothing. Pathetic. Okay, tomorrow is a new day. I push it out of my brain and turn on a distraction. 3 am and I am falling asleep.

6 am, alarm goes off. The day repeats. 2 weeks later, I am having anxiety attacks because I am meeting with the boss and nothing is done. I have been able to hide it the last 2 months with only 3 more sentences. No wonder why no one in the office likes me. I shower it off and get to work. 3 hours until meeting, thats enough time. So many things are going through my head. I think I am having a big self realization moment. Okay, talk to therapist. Wait, therapist is booked out for at least 2 months. Journal? No, I hate doing that. But I need to think this through, stop ignoring it. Okay, I’ll journal. 2 hours until meeting. I haven’t even opened the word doc. I’m hiding elsewhere on campus. I don’t want the others to see how big of a failure I am. 2 hours until meeting yet I am sitting here writing this.

#journal #mental health #anxienty #notherapist #everyday

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autym73 · 4 years

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No one asked but here are some of my Payton hc's because i seem to get really attached to characters played by Ben Platt:

• Payton is addicted to caffine. He cannot surive a day without at least three to five cups of straight black coffee.

• Continuing from the last one, Payton's got really bad insomia. He's usually up for hours doing schoolwork, research, or whatever he does to be productive. It's not rare for him to pull an accidental all-nighter.

• On a similar note, he also occasionally skips meals on accident because he loses track of time

• He diets hard. He doesn't have time to really exercise so he's very strict on what he's allowed to eat.

• His hair is naturally curly, but he straightens it often to appear more "formal".

• He was a theatre nerd when he was younger, but he forced himself to separate himself from it so he could focus on politics.

• Payton never wears his "clothing of choice", and instead taking on a more professional wardrobe like we see on the show.

• He really likes some overalls, my dudes.

• When he first realized that he wasn't straight, he was in middle school watching a movie with James and commented on how attractive a character was. James had looked at him weird and Payton's reaction was basically "wait, people usually don't find the same gender that attractive?"

• But River was his true bisexual awakening.

• After his little relelation with James, Payton's internalized homophobia really kicked in. The Hobarts, (particularly Keaton, Martin and Luther) were the type of people who didn't mind gay people but if someone in their family was gay...

• Payton learned to repress things a lot. His emotions, his sexuality, his thoughts, ect.

• He was in his twenties when he was finally diagnosed with OCD, simply because he had learned to repress and mask.

• His biological family is Jewish, and the only way the knows that is a blanket that he was given before being put up for adoption. He follows the religion losely, but celebrates the holidays and believes in the general morals. It's some way for him to be connected with his biological family.

•He was put up for adoption a few weeks after being born. I have a whole other headcanon about his biological family that I won't get into here. He went through the foster care system, often getting placed in and out of homes. Some abusive, some not. He was adopted at age 7 by the Hobarts.

• Payton's insecure about all of it. He never tells anyone that he is adopted unless it is necessary. McAfee still doesn't know, and Alice only found out when his mother had let it slip. James had known since the beginning, as his family was close to Payton's.

• Payton's a cat person.

(Hobarkley Hc's)

• He will deny it to the end of the earth, but he's a sucker for attention and affection.

• He melts whenever River compliments him, and sometimes River will list off what he likes about Payton and he becomes a ball of jelly.

• When he and River had first started dating, he was very hesitant to give any physical affection. Alice didn't like that type of affection that much, and when River had pulled him into his arms after their first time, Paytons mind just went to static.

• Whenever their alone, he's try to inch his way into River's arms.

•But he avoids PDA like the plauge.

• Payton often cries when they have a sweet moment together.

• He finds himself being more submissive in their relationship. At first, he tries to change that, but then stops as he realized that it's what he needed.

• River takes care of him, and being vulnerable and submissive to him just feels natual to Payton.

• Payton sleeps better if he knows River is nearby or safe.

• If River needs sometime to be cared for, you know damn well Payton's gonna do anything for him.

• He blush. Blush a bunch. He go 😳😳

• River had found out about Payton's hair when they lost power for a few days and he couldn't straighten his hair.

• Since then, River's been trying to get Payton to stop straightening his hair.

• Payton's the little spoon 80% of the time.

• But he gets a bit of a powere rush when he's the big spoon.

(Kinda nsfw hc's)

• When he and River started doing the sex, Payton tried to be the dom and/or top, but as he was able to break down his toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia, he found that he enjoys bottoming a lot.

• River's a bit of a horny boi. Payton doesn't mind.

• Payton has a humiliation and a praise kink.

• River's usually not comfortable with talking down to Payton, but when he get's into the dom headspace, he happily calls Payton names.

• River really likes to play with Payton, edging and teasing until he can't take it.

• They're very experimental, as they have tried various types of BDSM, some roleplay, and various toy use.

• They're both switches! I've kinda made it out to seem that Payton's the bottom, but they switch often!

• They love leaving marks on each other.

• "Limp? What limp?"

Ahh yes thats it for now. I'm curious to know all of your head canons too!! If you wanna talk about em, you can message me!

#ben platt #payton hobart #the politician #river barkley #david corenswet #hobarkley #the politican netflix #the politican season 2 #payton x river

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cupidbllstr · 3 years

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[TW] motion sickness by phoebe bridgers and my life rn

TW: drug use, abuse, mental illness, grenfell, swearing

have on repeat: https://open.spotify.com/track/6LxcPUqx6noURdA5qc4BAT?si=qvMFw5S_Sa61qLvQIER__g

it’s been a year since i left my abusive ex but it seems like only now i’m starting to get flashbacks to the times he hit me, and how no one helped me. and every time i remember it i freeze to the spot, like physically and emotionally. i’m starting to think that it has affected me more than i thought.

then theres the grenfell flashbacks that hit me out of nowhere and are usually before the abuse flashbacks. i know that messed me up already but it’s just been getting worse since it happened. i have a feeling that its gonna be like that with the abuse, which i’m not very excited for.

i barely think about my most recent ex. like i obviously think of him if something with a sort of relevance to him pops up (like centrists, scott pilgrim, marvel, frank ocean, etc.) but today i got into some beef with someone him and i both disliked and his words about her kinda came back to me, “this is typical of her, she sucks up to you because she sees something useful in you and then once she gets what she wants then she stops talking to you”. i still wholeheartedly agree, i told this to the person who is also getting beefed by this girl and she fully agreed, “one of the truest things your piece of shit ex has ever said”, she said.

i’m not really too fussed about this beef though, i have bigger things going on. sure it’s an inconvenience that she and a couple of other people (some which weren’t involved in the first place) are acting like year 7s, not something i want to particularly deal with when i’m getting flashbacks to traumatic things, having a fucked up sleeping schedule (i mean EXTREMELY fucked up. i went to sleep at 11am and woke up at 11pm. 11AM TO 11PM. WHAT THE FUCK??) and obviously this beef is sort of making me feel anxious. or giving me more reasons to feel more anxious about school. i don’t really get along with majority of my class. i’m thinking of temporarily dropping out, you know? like i’ll attend class and stuff online but i just don’t want to be in, you know? i can’t be arsed with immature and hypocritical people who are OLDER than me.

i guess the reason why only a small amount of people in my class are more mature than most of the class is because we’ve been through stuff, you know? like i only gave you two pieces of my trauma in this post, and like the only two people i’m actually fond of have had trauma that i know about because they’ve told me personally.

i hate that people in my class are like “oh i care about mental health, mental health is important”, yet they mean the ‘i cry and feel bad about stuff’ type of stuff, not things like the ‘my hair is matting and i cant get out of bed because i don’t have the motivation to do so’, or stigmatised mental illnesses like bipolar disorder or bpd or ocd or things like that. when you say “mental health matters”, you should really mean it because if you act the opposite of that then it affects other people’s mental health, and you can’t get offended when they say that to you.

i’ve lost the motivation to go in once a week now. mostly because the amount of people there. i liked it better when i went in and there was like maybe 4 other people there? now it’s bumped up to like 10 in total. and obviously if you’re going in because it genuinely helps your mental health thats fine, but don’t be as loud as you’re being, i mean, we’re still doing our classes and i can barely hear what my teacher is saying. i always have to go to the library in the end and by then its useless because i have like 15 minutes left. going in isn’t helping me a lot anymore. school in total isn’t helping me point blank. the people there are incredibly toxic, the things i liked about it have been overshadowed by said toxic people, lockdown isn’t really helping anything.

i’ve started drinking a lot more, and i wish i could smoke in my house, but my parents are kind of weird on that, i don’t know if they’re okay with me smoking or not and if they are i don’t know if it’s because they’ve found my cigarettes too many times or whatever. i wish i still had some drugs to do, i’ve been living on snorting crushed up paracetamol recently. it makes everything fuzzy. and hey, i’m desperate, last time i did any drugs i got semi high from really shit weed from a bong that used cranberry juice as the water and it lasted 15 minuted anyways. oh well, i guess currently its me, smoking out my window at 5am and snorting crushed up paracetamol for now.

that all being said;

i went for a night drive with my parents last night. we went around the city and i rolled the windows down and listened to phoebe bridger’s song “motion sickness” while i looked out and felt the cold on my face.

why is that the only way i can feel peaceful?

cold night air, music, darkness.

why that?

why it is i don’t know, but i guess it works.

-sofia

#mental illness #phoebe bridgers

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sentofighta · 4 years

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on the previous post note; muses’ affection expression (if they have partner or not)

Einar

he will let you pet and feed his cat. make his food because he HATES homemade food. compromise and let you hug him whenever you want. fix his clothes or touch his head. now to harder level. comfortable with you seeing his right magetik arm. comfortable with you seeing his bare chest with the scar and tattoo. sleep next to him and hug him while sleeping. will hug back because he will definitely want to hug you back (no sniff your hair shut up.) will use cat to talk to you because he is embarrassed to ask if you want to do something or go out. let you kiss him whenever you want. starts headbutting your back whenever he wants attention because he is a literal cat. pURRS when he is given attention. will start hugging you from the back maybe even carry you so he can sit you on his lap because he wanna hug all of you. he is tall sonvabinch he probably think of you as his cat. is it bad? idk. talk to him not me. excuse him to stop being shy about his fetish and sniff your hair because u definitely have nice smell mm yes.

Eight

redirects. innocent af. ok but shows up to ask if you wanna join his training. jogs nearby where you are/sit so he can see you. does the oh coincidence thing but it is not. will climb a tree to pick up an apple for you if you looked at it. stares into your general direction but has the cool calm poker face to cover it up at first. blushes a little whenever he sees you because you make his heart go boom boom and he did not feel like this before. the i might be sick because i feel weird whenever i see this person. sudden realization because he actually has good amount of smart braincells that he is in love. it could either go i am going to forget this because we are at war and i cant get distracted OR this is new for me and i am interested in knowing more about this route. whichever route you are bound to hyper active tiny boyfriend who will punch people for you. and has like the purest smile ever. have you seen my son smile that he obliterated the sun and the moons? yeah.

Machina

actually knows how to flirt when he wants to. generally nice and caring to all but extra for his crush. will show up magically whenever you need help because he has the sixth sense (thanks to his fear lol) will help you study and train if you wished for it! hey wanna.....talk about chocobos? wiggle eyebrows. do you believe in collecting chocobo feathers? because my wish was granted; talking to you. will confess at the right time because he cant hide his feelings anymore. will hug and kiss you every time he sees you if you allowed him--well, hugs mostly because he likes being around you. obligatory nap around the chocobos. brushing your hair and playing with it definitely. h*ND h*LDING !!!!!!! EXTREME! carries you like the princess you are because he loves you to bits. high affection when he carries u, sits u on his lap then wraps his dracula cape around you both. just the cape wrapping is his thing because now you are so close to him and chu when no one is looking. ok the final stage could be you see him crying because lets face it he fucked up a lot haha~~~ u know ~~ usual machina dumb onagiri kyun stuff.

Zack

EXTREME FLIRTING WHAT IS GOOD BOY? are you an angel? can i offer my services for you?? stronk boy and soldier impressed or what? head pats. h*nd h*ldong god at an early stage because he means it. will make your wishes come true even if you wanna go to the moon. will make stuff for you. smiles brightly shinra uses him to generate electricity. tells u a lot that he is proud of you. tells u a lot he likes you. tells you a lot that he will protect you (and if u fight bonus that you willhave his back too) treasures everything you do and call you cute. doting boyfo. actually very softy will cry if you put on a sad movie. carries you a lot because he has the stronk to do it. are you impressed x2?????? i love you~~~ hey hey do you know what? i love you~ listens to you and to your rambling. will beat up anyone who hurts you. excuse him to nap on you because this is his best spot. a lot of hugs. expect a lot of them hugs. hugs. hUGS. hes more of cheek and forehead chus because they are more playful but will give lip kiss if it was more serious and important situation.

Sohrab

. . . .if he allowed you to be near him when he is synthesizing that is the first step. initiate a conversation himself EVEN if he does not have anything to ask out of you. actually keep an eye on your vitals because you are...important test subject. makes things for you but calls them test items and he does not need them so take them. maybe he can slip a gift or two because he felt like it. does not nap around strangers but around you he is...fine. actually tells you he might see you in a different light but unsure how so dont expect much. gradually he will let you be close to him maybe touch his face or hair. no hugs or sudden kisses yet but if he prepared himself..it might be allowed. he is good at pip talk. also expect some sewing because mommy taught him how! count on him to fix things for you. gets tiny upset if you dont give him your broken things to fix or mend them. rely...on me ok? i may not be a strong fighter but....i can do other things. rare moment of a smile will definitely melt your heart. once he make up his mind, he will ask if you are willing to stick with a madman who probably likes science and alchemy maybe a little bit than you?

Lucina

hey. wanna spar? compliment you a lot. smiles!!!!!!!!! more spar please. actually make effort to find you around many people but does not approach. just seeing you makes her happy for some reason. smile and wave. spar???????? talk to you more! compliment you for doing good job! now you have her watch your back and be a little bit reckless to protect you. apologize but she is not sorry to protect you. b-because you are an important friend . . . . . friend ? ? ? ? lucina exe crush down. goes to read books about this explosion in her chest every time she sees you. books say to act natural. time to ignore you for a bit because it is said in the book play hard to get. regret decision when you mention if you did something wrong she will aPOLOGIZE ALOTALOTALOT! NO YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG IMSRRRYYYYY. new tactic. spar??????????????????????????????? please notice me. more effort in cooking things you like for the lunch break. you might die of poisoning but it is made with love!!!!! spar. . . . realize she cant confess, she cant express herself but in a spar. uses spar to tell you that she might be perhaps like you!!!!!!!! that is why she wanna be stronger!!!!!!!!!!!! blushing princess lucina of ylisse you will be executed by her dad if you make her cry. but actually cries if you say you like her back. cue her sudden doubts because not fit enough to be a ‘woman’ since she knows next to nothing about how to be a good partner. will promise to trust you and her heart. NAGA ALLOWS FOR AND HOLDING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! then she can be comfortable with hugs after tiny bit. you could for chus and she wouldnt mind but have mercy on her kokoro. expect her to chus your cheek every time she sees you because my S-support for life~

Roland

does not beat around the bushes. if he likes someone and is sure will confess. easy. got the ok he will start with whatever they are comfortable with. naga has blessed this and allowed hand holding. lets go for a picnic in the forest or anywhere. animals come because he is their friend! now you are animals friend because you are his girlfriend. very gentleman. does not do anything 18+. plus he probably cant due to his OCD so you are the only one after lucina he can hold her hand no problem. dont worry he may like his sister but he does not speak about her when you are around. leans against you and you can too! tells u he trust you so much. lets climb a tree and enjoy the scenery. or we can ride on Vesperus, his horse! listens to you and actually try to give you advice if he can. a courtesy kiss to your cheek~! he is trying his best! smiles from his heart it has been a long time someone made him feel loved like this.

Aiden

go home she is a narcissist. but if someone managed she is just a dumb who will make your life miserable because she will prank the shit out of you at first. slowly warms up to the idea she likes someone. has a pretty good idea about where you were what were you doing ect because she was watching. she is watching you. make sure you have eaten. have you slept? compliment you if you impressed her. be more comfortable to rehearse her lines around you. asks you to help her rehearse. wanna play something together lets say walk on a tight rope??????? lol wuss. no hugs or touching till now. admits she might have something for you but....you may not like to be with an orphan of no lineage. pass that? well, then are you ready to accept she is criminal? pass that then are you ready to accept she is going to make you regret this choice??? because she will make every day of your life like a circus! excuse her to sweep your hand to hold it and tug you somewhere only for the two of you. let her hold your hand for a bit it is ...nice. leans against you.

Balan

listen....i dont want to joke about this but...he is...probably over the human interactions because he married his job but i assure you he is very loyal man. thats it.

Feiruz

yEEELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does not realize she loves you until one of her sisters point she mentions you like ten times in every conversation. is very kind and pure and diligent. will not force herself on you in any way just subtly gives you the things you like after going through the trial and error a couple of times! keeps notes of you in her ‘People journal’ because she is a scatterbrain. maybe draw a tiny heart around your name shhh love interest. is very happy and loud when she sees you!!!!! HE-LLLOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! asks about your health and if you had eaten properly and slept well. offers more gift from her own farm to impress you with her work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smiles~~~~ smiles even more around you because you make her happy. does not confess. she is not the type to. more like i will just watch because deep inside believes she can be loved due to some bullying in school and only her fam likes her (who likes a scatterbrain who keeps messing things up???) if you confess expect waterfall and ugly crying because she cant believe it is happening ;;;;a;;;; promises to do her best to make you happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she will do her best to make you happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 you made her happy beyond words and now just she clings to you please dont be upset with her she will do her best to not cause any trouble! but she bounces back and runs to bake something for this occasion~ time to feed boyfo! say ah~ be ready for fatting sessions because she will cook and bake a lot of things!! well, when she has time after her farm work now she is super excited and motivated! is shy but will give cheek chus if she can reach. likes to tug your shirt from behind so you can lower yourself so she can properly give you a kiss to your cheek/forehead. wishes you best of luck in your job!!!!!!!!!!! good luck!!! come home h-h-h-h-h-h-h...eeeeh....h-h-h-..HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;;;U;;;

#⌈⌈ooc. (faty speaks)#⌈⌈building up. (einar)#⌈⌈building up. (feiruz)#⌈⌈building up. (aiden)#⌈⌈building up. (eight)#⌈⌈building up. (machina)#⌈⌈building up. (zack)#⌈⌈building up. (sohrab)#⌈⌈building up. (lucina)#⌈⌈building up. (roland)#⌈⌈building up. (balan)#//i have no idea what does this do but ehre you go #//i cry....#//i love my children #//me: dont come if you are after look #//aslo me: mY MUSES ARE PRETTY AND SEXY AND JUST COME

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