#anyway ill try to do some playin of game

[simsfromupthere]

hell yesh everyone my game FINALLY worked :-)!!

#a billion hours of deleting n updating mods i finally got it to load households :) #and not just load and redirect back to the worlds menu #i know i still will have an issue at this point its like a feature that comes of ts4 #like bugs at this point are a Ts4 DLC every patch/new pack u get #fun stuff :-) #anyway ill try to do some playin of game #game playin' #shit post #shitpost #text post #textposts #textpost #text posts #non sims (?) #nonsims(?) #nonsims (?) #nonsims ? #nonsims?

[boethiahsboytoy]

How would your ocs play Minecraft? (Like survival, creative, with friends, streaming, etc)

I love this question so much anon thank you for asking it. If you want me to go REALLY insane ill make a post talking about how the Vyrthaal's play minecraft as well lmao :3

In a perfect world all my ocs have a minecraft world they play in together (it would be a survival world with cheats enabled and everyone given access 2 the console because that sounds like the most opportunity for them all to fuck things up).BUT For more specific answers:

Vyrthaal: Exclusively plays on survival with no cheats on his ownbut them n Serana have a world together with cheats enabled so they can relax some (and mostly they just want keep inventory on so they can fuck around a million miles away from their base then die instead of trying 2 find their way back home. Or kill each other lol). Vyr would definitely stream but they (and Serana if she joins em) would speak exclusively in ancient falmeri (or Nordic in seranas case). Vyr really likes building things! They don't make big impressive builds or anything it's mostly just houses that match whatever biome they settle in with materials they gather (they will sometimes spawn things in for themself in the worlds they play in w/Serana but only if they're feelin' lazy). Very scared of exploring caves n shit but loves it--Vyr is Absolutely the person screaming at every sound even when they're playin' alone and not streaming XD OH also Vyr tries so hard to make sense of Redstone and gives up after like 10 minutes and realizes they wasted 6 hours mining for redstone and cries a little :')

Kili: OK I know Kili is blind. He also probably wouldn't be too interested in playing minecraft anyways. But LOVES hanging out w/Vyr when they play and Vyr loves telling him all about whatever he's doing and also minecraft fun facts. Intrigued by the potion making and enchanting bits so Vyr spent hours gettin stuff to make a shitton of potions and and then enchanting things for him hehehe

Jo'safiir: Also plays survival with no cheats. Loves exploring, Especially big ol' caves and mineshafts. Fucking LOVES the Deep Dark and ancient cities, tries exploring ancient cities for as long as he can while evading the Warden. Routinely winds up a million miles away from his base and dying so he's always losing inventory and it frustrates him to no end XD Jo'safiir hates building so his bases r just square cobblestone hovels with a bunch of disorganized chests placed wherever. He probably doesn't even have a bed he just sets up wherever he spawns in lmao!! Probably has a minecraft server for the College but only the students and Miraak join it, none of the faculty. Also it isn't the educational Minecraft stuff it's just regular minedcraft they all just dick around and hang out. U get extra credit in his classes if u make cool redstone contraptions tho so it's incentive for the more advanced students to hang out lol

Varla: Exclusively plays in creative to explore and build really big huge impressive and intricate builds. Has 30 million mods and uses fancy shaders and graphic enhancements etc etc. Varla's computer SHOULD be a melted ruin but somehow it runs flawlessly and never overheats despite appearing to be a regular (if not fancy and over the top looking) gaming PC he built. If anyone asks him how his game doesn't lag or crash he just says "I don't know but here's what I'm doing" and if u try it ur shit breaks. It's Apocrypha Fuck Shit. Probably tries streaming for a bit but doesn't get Into It like Vyrthaal so sometimes he goes a month without doing anything then streams for almost a week straight. BUT he'd have a really cool Gaming Room set up and nice equipment for when he does stream bc he thinks that it's pretty :}

Vulon: Well now u are all gonna know how I play minec craft. Usually survival, usually with cheats on, usually uses the console to spawn shit in and enchant its equipment. Switches to creative when it gets bored, once spent over 4 hours in creative placing a bunch of Sculk catalysts in a massive cavern, spawning in mobs, then killing them 2 see how much of the place it could cover in sculk. Lord Boethiah has banned it from doing this in any of their shared worlds. With other friends it plays in survival without cheats or the console but its a huge weenie despite being reckless as fuck. It'll sprint heedless of danger into an Ancient city then cry real actual tears of terror when it summons the Warden. Yes I am like this no I will never change yes I have been called Leeroy Jenkins more than once. Vulon would stream too!! It would get distracted chatting with people tho and eat shit or just kind of run around in circles aimlessly. It plays w/Lord Boethiah and Serana all the time (and maybe Ezimar too if they wanted 2 :3c) the 3 of then have so many worlds called "big giant peepee" and "PENIS WIZARD 6900" and none of them ever remember what the fuck they were doing in any of their worlds so they just make more.

Niralek: I think Vyrthaal would get Niralek into minecraft and I think she would be like really good at it and never dies or gets lost but the only thing she wants to do is collect flowers and bees. Also she'd stream but ignores her chat entirely but has SO many people watching and so many Devoted Viewers bc Why Is A Spriggan Gaming???? Is she a real spriggan or is this the work of some really nice 3d modeling?????? She never moves much or speaks so nobody knows and it's a whole big Divide with her fans as to whether she's a real spriggan or not. She thinks it's funny. I think if she reaches a huge subscriber goal or something she joins Vyrthaal in a stream, like physically In The Room With Him, and everyone goes apeshit when they realize she's actually who she says she is lol.

Sethsa: She's listed bc I think Rune would like minecraft and he seems like a charismatic and fun guy so I could see him killing it as a streamer. Sethsa always hangs out with him while he plays/streams and he tells her abt what he's doing but she's like "you should go to the nether and look Endermen in the eyes" and "rUNE LOOK OUT THERES A CREEPER" when he just happens to be at the edge of a cliff or something and he freaks out and dies. He thinks it's funny as hell and so does his chat lmao. Sometimes while he's streaming Sethsa will enter the room carrying Deathcry like a baby and be like "Hello My Boydriend's Chat you will look at my creature now" and Rune stops what he's doing so everyone can look at Deathcry.

Ivrasi: Ivrasi would love farming and fishing she has massive farms and spends hours fishing and all her friends are like "you know there's other things you can do right???" She doesn't care. Her level is like 100 million bc all she does is fish nonstop so she never gets killed or anything. Definitely has a world with Erik where he goes and explores and builds things and she just hangs out in her fishing tower or skittering around to finds seeds for her farms. Her and Erik would have the messiest chests though, neither of them give a shit about organizing so they can never find any of their equipment. They keep making new chests and telling themselves that THIS is for their favorite equipment it will NOT be cluttered with bullshit. And then clutter it with bullshit. Oh also she loves going to villages and trading for shit even if they're bad trades she just likes findin random crap for villagers. ALSO she loves naming animals she Especially loves frogs but she names them with like real people names. Like after historical figures and aedra and daedra and stuff.

#ask #anon #modern au #sorry for the longest post ever ill edit it in my browser in a second #i love thinking abt my ocs doing fun modern au things #i havent played minecraft in forever #i should play minecraft right Now

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

#ngc ramblings #nes godzilla creepypasta #godzilla nes creepypasta #godzilla nes

[6ad6ro]

there's just so many games i'm excited to play on steam deck when it finally comes out! i really only wanna play on portables nowadays so it just opens up so many doors for me. i wanna rant about a few i wanna play...

elden ring looks simply amazing. it just improves upon the standard formula so gd much and has actual BACKGROUND MUSIC and is more moderate in difficulty and just... fixes so many flaws and adds so much? i hope they don't somehow ruin it by trying to make it way harder than it is rn, but i kinda doubt it. i think they finally broke free of the curse of their idiot fanbase. i think elden ring might surpass dark souls 100x over.

speaking of souls... easy mode mods for ds1 and 3! like i'm just excited for mods in general.

kof15 looks so so good and i know i'm gonna play it like crazy since it'll be portable. i'd always wished there was a kof14 port on switch... tho hell i'm prob gonna be playin 14 too! and playin catch up on guilty gear (i still haven't really played thru any of the xrd games).

i wanna play thru oblivion again finally. and try some of the older es games before morrowind (ill prob replay mw too 😆). there's SOOO many old games i wanna play like i won't bother listing em.

emulation. specifically n64! because nintendo really blew it with the "expansion pass" and like fuck u n i'm gonna play mystical ninja. but i'm also really excited about ps2 and saturn and dreamcast and gamecube etc? ohhh is xbox emu any good? just all these things i could never do with other hacked consoles (and now i don't need to bother hacking my 2nd switch).

and i'll finally have an easy way to play online stuff w my friends (they're mostly pc only). i won't hafta wait 1000 years for switch ports. i can get access to proper sales (and piracy 😏). oh and all those amazing indie games that never get ported! anyways i'm ranting too much. i'm just excited.

#its kinda a rly stressful time in my life rn #but the game situatiin is gettin kinda amazing??

[losersclub3000]

whenever ur done w ur break !!!! 💕 an eddie playlist (if you haven't gotten that request already!) OR a playlist for that clarinet-playing poetry-writing nerd gnome boy...

miss fran herself!!!!!!! it would be an honour to make a playlist for u my dear 🥺 i just did an eddie one so i shall do my best to honour our special boy!!!!!!

1. omen by mother mother

this is less of a song and more of a terrifying possessed nursery rhyme but it fits the otgw SO well. like.... “there lies a place i might call home/with a couple of sticks and a couple of stones/ill dig a pit and lay my bones” like wirt succumbing to the despair of the woods and giving up and becoming an edelwood tree... fuck me up bb

2. fireflies by mother falcon

this song is INSANELY otgw like: “i believe there can be fewer souls come radiantly/though we may stay, though our bodies may fade away/felt no fear/everything we always, which was real, was here/call to the dark/the lantern delivered us here from the start” im like yeah yeah yeah

3. baby brothers by will connolly 

VERY wirt like... struggling to be a Good big brother and doing things he thinks are perfectly rational then later realizing were careless and feeling bad about not protecting greg... wondering how long he’s been not there for him and then after the events of otgw being like hey i need to be better... “november crashed and crawled away/tail tucked between its shaky legs/but we were never done/and this is an extension of/more than one love/this was a long, long, long time coming”

4. death and all his friends by coldplay

“no i don’t want a battle from beginning to end/i don’t want a cycle of recycled revenge/i don’t wanna follow death and all of his friends” + “and, in the end, we lie awake/and we dream of making our escape” this song is super wirt being like fuck u beast i aint playin ur games... i will not take on the task of lantern bearer this shit mad stupid... and just like. that hopeful upswing in the last episode as he regains his fight after seeing greg in trouble. also just like the song starts out very kind of slow and dreamy but then it BUILDS and i feel like it mirrors the way the stakes in the show build then returns to that dreamy sort of feeling for the outro... we love to see it

5. another place by bastille

this song!! first of all slaps fucking hard and also theres an orchestral version on the extended album that is incredibly sexy. anyway “oh in another place, in another time/what could we have been?” this gives me big, like, wirt After just lying awake at night trying to convince himself one way or the other if it was all real or not and just. thinking of all the people he met and places he went and what life he could have had, who he could have known and Been if he’d chosen to stay!!!!!!!! there is so much Longing and speculation and loss? there and it drives me insane ive never written otgw but thats some insanely good fic material right there

#thank u so much my darling!!! #i hope u like it 🥺 #ask #frannygrace #franny tag

[solarianradiance]

Jellyatinous Rose

Calliope: Welcome lovelies, to oUr little get together for an adventure throUgh the Use of a Role-Playing Game system called DUngeons & Dragons! Tonight we have a new player joining in oUr dUngeon delving, oUr lovely friend, Roxy.

Roxy: hey erebody, its ur gurl roxy!

Dave: hey rox

Rose: Welcome to the game Roxy, nice to see you came tonight~

Kanaya: Pleasure To Have You Dear Roxy!

Jade: nice to see you again!

John: glad you could make it tonight!

Roxy: tnx 4 the warm welcum gaiz, makes me feel good bout this venture here

Roxy: so, when do we start playin?

Calliope: Shortlym bUtt first, we shall introdUce oUr varioUs party members for the road ahead, so that we may give oUr newest addition a chance to Understand her new chUms? Jade, why dont we start with yoU?

Jade: ok!

Jade: im a level 5 chaotic good gnoll ranger called groche’a, and i was ousted from my tribe for not wanting to plunder tombs for bones because i was scared of waking the dead and having them get revenge on us... which they did! im the only survivor!

Roxy: wats a goll? Roxy: *gnoll

Jade: a gnoll is a dog person

Jade: like this!

Roxy: oh so ur a hyna furry basically then?

Jade: well no, im more like a malamute husky, i actually based my character off of bec and what jake told me about my scratched other self

Roxy: yeah, ur gilf self was pretty smokin for an old lady, so i can c y u chose her

Jade: ...what?

Calliope: Lets keep this train of introdUctions going, Dave YoU’re Up love!

Dave: im dave, and im a barbarian. im a level 4 chaotic good guy i guess, gettin my rage on with my magic shit talking sword and doin all kinds of awesome shit!

Roxy: u men like connan the barbarian?

Dave: no, not liek conan Dave: *like Dave: fuck

Roxy: wats ur backstory?

Dave: im a kickass barbarian, i showed up one day and started kicking ass, what more backstory do you need?

Roxy: that sunds lame

Dave: youre lame

Calliope: Moving on, John, how aboUt we introdUce yoUr character?

John: im Salamon of the Hearthlands, a level 4 neutral good halfling jester!

Roxy: wats a halflin?

John: they’re pretty much just hobbits but a bit more... “earthly” i think would be a good word to describe them? they’re sort more vice than virtue and do things like eat a lot of food, take whats not theirs and breed like rabbits.

Roxy: le gasp, ur a bunny boy! that sounds adorable!

John: heh, no, im not a bunny, but i guess i am bunny-like in that sense

Jade: you know, that would actually be a good fursona for you

John: eh, nah, its not really my thing, besides im more like a tiger

Jade: hahahaha! no you’re not!

John: in fact i think would be more like tigra from thundercats

Jade: i said no. you’re fucking. not.

John: uuuuh!!!

Roxy: calli!

Calliope: Yes Roxy, what is it?

Roxy: can u make jon into a bunny boy?

Calliope: I... can, bUt I need a good reason like a magical invocation or something like that, I cannot simply do as I wish with the players whenever I wish.

Calliope: Besides, the game has not started. Rose, why dont yoU go next?

Rose: 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒶 𝒩𝑒𝓊𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝐸𝓋𝒾𝓁 𝒟𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝒩𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇, 𝒞𝓎𝒶𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒢𝓊𝓁’𝒢𝒶𝓃. 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇, 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒾𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒶 𝒫𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝐿𝑜𝓁𝓉𝒽, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈, 𝐼 𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓎𝑒𝒹 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓊𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒩𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓈 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝓊𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓉, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝒶𝓈, 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒶 𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓀𝑒𝑒𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓇𝑜𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓆𝓊𝒾𝒸𝓀𝓁𝓎, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓈𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝒾𝓁𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓂𝓎 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝐸𝓁𝒻 𝒞𝒾𝓉𝓎, 𝑀𝑒𝓃𝓏𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒶𝓃, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓅𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓊𝓇𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓂 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒 𝓇𝓊𝓁𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓈𝒾𝒷𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝓇𝑜𝓌𝒹𝑜𝓂~ 

Roxy: ur kinda given me the willies theres rosie

Rose: Hah! Thank you! I try to accentuate the nature of the Dark Elves as much as possible~ I am a Level 5 Necromancer by the way, just so we are clear.

Calliope: That was a nice sUrprise, always good to see dear ole Rose to give Us a performance and bring a little life throUgh characterization. Now, for oUr last member, Kanaya!

Kanaya: Salutations, I Am Mildred Of Baldurs Gate! A Neutral Good Human Cleric Of Lathander. I Am Level Three And I Am Looking Forward To Keeping You Out Of Trouble, As I Am The Primary Healer Of The Group. Though I Can Take A Swing With My Shredder Axe If I Wish, I Can Be More Than Helpful In Most Situations! 

Roxy: i dunno boit that but i think ill be hpy 2 have u round when the magical shit hits the fan! Roxy: *about

Calliope: Well, now that we have oUr standing party’s introdUctions oUt of the way, how aboUt we have Roxy introdUce Us to oUr newest member?!

Roxy: what bout u calli, whats ur character?

Calliope: I am the DUngeon Master, I recant the tale to the party based on the actions and decisions they make. Technically, I am all of the characters that are not part of the party! BUt I do have a rather sUltry lass that i have been meaning to play for a while. When my tenUre as DUngeon Master is Up, I shall pass the responsibility of rUnning the game onto others and break her oUt!

Roxy: rly? what is she? tell me!

Calliope: She isn’t finalized, but shes a YUan-Ti Magician, specifically an assistant. Haven’t qUite figUred oUt if shes a fUll-blood or a half-blood.

Roxy: a yankee?

Calliope: A YUan-Ti is more or less a snake person, mUch like myself I sUppose. I’ll admit shes a bit of a self-insert, bUt I made her for immersion for flarping. John helped me in crafting her!

Roxy: oh... he did now, did he?

John: yeah! it was actually pretty fun! learning about the lore of the snake people was kinda neat!

Calliope: Indeed! And in retUrn, helped John create another character to pair alongside with her! He is also a Magician, and she acts as his assistant!

Roxy: assistant huh? does that mean you can make his magic wand

Roxy: disappear?!~♥

John: whoa! roxy!

Calliope: Making a Magicians Magic Wand disappear is childs play.

John: uh calli, thats not what she mea-

Calliope: BUt making his wand spit magical glowing seed, now thats the magic~

Calliope: Mwah!~♥

Dave: whoa-ho, damn!

Rose: Ooo, how racey~

Kanaya: I Must Admit, That Got Quite Raunchy Awfully Quickly!

Jade: you can do that?!

John: ok! moving on! time for your introduction rox, before this turns into a smut campaign.

Roxy: how do u know that it wont turn into 1 when i do get my intro on? ;)

John: rox!

Roxy: relax! im jus teasin y Roxy: *u

Roxy: ok, my character is xerox gundalf the pink! shes a level 1 chotic good gun wizard!

John: gun wizard?! that actually sounds cool!

Jade: that actually sound cool, maybe ill roll one next campaign!

Dave: gotta admit, that does sound pretty bitchin rp as

Rose: Um, Roxy, as creative as that is, “Gun Wizard” isnt a valid class within the ruleset of DnD.

Roxy: wat? naaah, its fine! got xeroxs character shit filled out and everything! even drew her!

Roxy: c? kickass sex witch! put a spell on u make u her enchanted slav! put a magic bullet in ur butt and set her enemies on fire! abraka-sexbang!!

Rose: But we already have a Wizardess! Why don’t you be another class, a legal one such as a Rogue or a Thief?

Roxy: those dont sound legal 2 me sister, sides im a rogue in real life! i dont wanna play a rogue i wanna b a badass gun wizard! calli help me out here

Calliope: Mmmmm, well, while technically “GUn Wizards” are not what they are called, “GUn Mages” are in fact an actUal class! So I sUppose thats no significant issUe

Roxy: gasp YAYS!

Rose: Wait, “Gun Mage” is an actual class?

Calliope: Why yes, it is! QUite the interesting one too, might even roll a character to play as one myself at some point!

Rose: Well, anyways, as I said, we already have a Wizardess, which is myself. So how about you roll Up a Rogue? John can moonlight as one, but he isnt able to specialize as one. Here, lemme just get you started and roll you a character right now!

Roxy: uh, no, imma play a wizard!

Rose: We’ll make her Neutral Good, for maximum opportunity while still being approachable. Some good Dexterity for all of that lockpicking you’ll be doing.

Roxy: rose, water u doin?

Rose: Dump all the skill points into stealth, traps, and lockpicking!

Roxy: ross! Roxy:*rose

John: you know i could just spec into those skills myself, i was planning on doing it anyways!

Rose: We can make her pink, with some blue trimmings~

Roxy: stahp!

*Roxy latches onto Rose’s pen hand, preventing her from drawing further. The two devolve into a bit of a struggle*

Rose: Stop... getting... in the... way, Roxy!

Jade: you do know you can multi-class in this game, right? as in you both can have both.

Roxy: well i don.. wann play... fuckin rogue, i wan be... a wizard of bullets!

Rose: We need a Rogue to-*is bitten*-FUCK! ROXY!

Kanaya: What Is Happening?

*Roxy and Rose devolve to a mother/daughter/sister squabble between petty bitches who both want the same thing, but are unwilling to share, complete with hair pulling, bites, scratches, clothes ripping and an assortment of name calling.*

*Its a good ole fashioned cat fight yy’all!*

Jade: shouldnt someone stop this? like kanaya, isnt this your thing?

Kanaya: ...I... Want To, But I Think I Am Enjoying The Sight Of This Conflict? Should I Do So Anyways?

Dave: with them? nah man itll sort itself out eventually. just let em get tuckered out.

John: ... roll for initiative?

Calliope: Haa! Hahahaha!

#homestuck #jade harley #kanaya maryam #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #john egbert #dave strider #the barbarian #calliope #long post

[aristocratlegacy]

Chapter 67- Healing Crystal Country

Chloe: “Hmm...fur coats?”

“...”

Chloe: “Out unless you’ve established it as your thing already. Summer hats off season? In once again.”

Vivien: “Hey, have you seen my black sweater with the weird collar?”

Chloe: ‘It’s over there.”

Vivien: “No...that’s not it. Hey, Chloe?”

Chloe: “Hm?”

Vivien: “What’s on your head? Are you exchanging floppy hats for weird sci-fi helmets?”

Chloe: “Wow, you really haven’t heard of Celestial Crown Cleansing yet?”

Vivien: “Of course I have! I’m plugged in! I just….wanted to know what you know about it.”

Chloe: “Well, depending on the different crystals you put in the emotional centrifuge, it stimulates the wrinkles in your brain so that you can think more clearly and experience life more purely.”

Vivien: :”I like to experience life pretty clearly, dear.”

Chloe: “I know! So just imagine what you’ll see when you’re Celestially Cleansed.”

Pierce: “You cannot believe what Izzy Fabulous said about Nancy Landgraab’s latest piece today at the gallery I-”

Pierce: “What’s ...goin on?”

Vivien: “We’re Celestial Crystal Crown Cleansing.”

Pierce: “Oh, I read about that, you know it’s just pseudoscience, right?” Vivien: “Whoever said that is lying and obviously hasn’t tried it. I’m experiencing life more clearly than ever.”

Chloe: “You ok, Hawkeye?”

Vivien: “Are you still sick?”

Pierce: “It’s just a headcold. I’m fine, and I definitely don’t need a helmet to tell me that if that was what you were about to suggest.”

Chloe: “Try the helmet! Seriously, I was nauseous all morning and then I put it on- now I just want watermelon and chocolate..”

Pierce: “Ew, no.”

Vivien: “Pierce! Did you borrow my black sweater without asking?”

Pierce: “Yes but don’t come in here!”

Vivien: “What? This is my room what are you talking ab- ooooh”

Pierce: “I just wanted to try it on.”

Vivien: “And?””

Pierce: “Aaaaand...my weird stomach thing is feeling a lot better, to be entirely honest.”

Vivien: “I knew we’d get you! Chloe! Chloe Look!”

Chloe: “ Ooooh my god.”

Vivien: “He said it’s helping his mysterious illness.”

Pierce: “Y’know, this is kinda...nice. Just the three of us.”

Chloe: “Totally! I feel like we’ve barely gotten to hang out lately!”

Vivien: “I know it feels like we haven’t hung out together or done anything in like....a year.”

Vivien: “Well, you did take off for a week. Where did you go anyways?”

Chloe: “Sulani! And then Windenberg.”

Vivien: “Wow, Dustin’s really treating you with that game dev money, huh?”

Chloe: “Yeah! Well, Dirk Dreamer actually took me to Sulani, then from there I went to Windenberg with Dustin”

Pierce: “Bit of a love triangle goin for ya then?”’

Chloe: “Sorta. I feel like maybe they’re just trying to one up eachother through me, but if it means I get a bunch of vacations out of it, then i don’t really mind. “

Pierce: “So you’re gold digging Glamma Opal would be so proud.”

Chloe: “No! I like them, Dirk actually just said that he could potentially see the possibility of maybe saying I love you at some point.”

Pierce: “Sweetie. Please don’t say that out loud to anybody else, I love you, but please. Do this for me.”

Vivien: “I got for realsies recognized on the street today for The Cute and the Confident. It’s really happening, guys.”

Chloe: “Aww, Vivi! I’m so proud of you!”

Vivien: “Right? I mean...I would enjoy it more if Veronica wasn’t there all the time, but I’ll live, I guess.”

Pierce: “You wouldn’t think there would be such an immediate need for a stunt double on a soap opera.”

Vivien: “That’s just it- at first she was just there for one scene but then they decided to make her my secret twin.”

Chloe: “Ewwww, did you tell them that you used to date?”

Vivien: “Yeah. They thought it was weird and made fun of us both a little bit, but said they were going with it anyway. They’re gonna do a bunch of mayhem where I pretend to be her and vice versa. It’s ridiculous- I mean, we don’t look that much alike.”

Chloe: “Ehh...you do, though.”

Vivien: “Pierce….”

Pierce: “Hmm?”

Vivien: “Your stomach is glowing.”

Pierce: “Fuck, not again.”

Chloe: “Oh my god, the Celestial Cleanse obviously isn’t enough, you need to go to the doctor!”

Pierce: “No!”

Vivien: “Why not?”

Pierce: “Because I keep getting these crazy fever dreams and I feel like I’m this close to my  artistic breakthrough.”

Vivien: “Seriously? What if you, like, die?”

Pierce: “Then they’ll say that I died for my Art- I’m not seeing the downside here, Vivien.”

Vivien: “You’re so weird. I have to go to work- two more days, man, and I’ll teleport you to the doctors myself.”

Chloe: “Ohhh nooo, we’re going to the Bailey party in two days!”

Vivien: “Ohmygod, you’re so right. I wouldn’t make you miss that, Pierce. Three days.”

Pierce: “Ew. Fine, I guess that my muse has a deadline. I’ll see you before the Bailey party, I’m locking myself in my room!”

Vivien: “It’s almost three, I gotta get to set. I’m about to go adopt a baby that my twin stole from my ex husband.”

Chloe: “Good luck cutie! Steal the baby really good!”

*Knock Knock*

Chloe: “Hey Wallace!”

Walter: “It’s Walter. Remember? You...called me Radar, because of MASH- I think?”

Chloe: “Yes! You’re the one my sister has a crush on, what’s up?”

Walter: “Did...she say that?”

Chloe: “Aww! You guys are so cute! Boop!” Walter: “You...booped my nose.” Chloe: “I sure did! And I’m gonna do it again! Boop!”

Walter: “Ooo-kay. Uh- is Vivien here?”

Chloe: “Awww!”

Walter: “Okay.”

Chloe: “Cuties!!”

*default ringtone*

Walter: “Oh, I gotta take this. I’ll talk to you later, just tell her I stopped by.”

Chloe: “Who still has a ringtone? Just put it on vibrate, man.”

Walter: “No, I like it that way- no, not you mom. Bye Chloe. No- not bye Mom!”

Director: “Vivi, Roni, I need to talk to you.”

Director: “Listen, goils, I love ya. I do- but you need to stop playin’ the goils on the show so...ah…”

Vivien: “Devastatingly real?”

Veronica: “So deep it would make the ocean jealous?”

Director: “Horny.”

Vivien: “Excuse me?”

Director: “Ya’r evil twins and ya’r always flirtin’! I know ya haive a history but I don’t think this is workin.”

Vivien: “What? I worked my ass off to be here! I earned this job, she is a snake that came in and stole my life! Like some sort of...evil clone! Damnit!”

Director: “See, Vivi, I love that enagy from ya. But ya can neva seem to chanel that at har!”

Vivien: “Ridiculous. Of course I can.”

Vivien: “How dare you try to take this from me. You have not worked a day in your life to become what I am and what I am is flawless, so you can look at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes and that...quivering pouty lip, but you won’t get me off, hot stuff, no ma’am. You can come at me hard with everything you’ve got and I’ll take it because I never step down from a challenge.”

Director: “...”

Director: “So you see the problem, then, right?”

Vivien: “Yup. That’s on me, I see it now.”

Director: “Loik, it’s not a big deal. We’ll just fiyah one of ya.”

Veronica: “Wait, what? I didn’t do anything! I’ve been completely professional!”

Director: “I literally had to crop every shot you were in to just ya face beecause ya chest was heavin so much.”

Vivien: “So...who are you going to fire?”

Director: “I haven’t decided yet. We have a couple episode til they have tah give the baby back, and one of ya will die and take the othas place. Who it is, remains to be seen. Now’s the time to impress me, ladies!”

----------

Vivien: “Okay guys, We are at a defcon 10, do you hear me, this is serious. We need a plan, I need a big publicity boost so I don’t let go from my show. Aristocrat showdown, all three of us, we’re gonna go to the Bailey party, cause a big scene, end up in all the tabloids!”

Pierce: “Guys- can you do this out in the hall? I’m not feeling very well and you’re talking, like, so loud.”

Chloe: “Damn, Pierce-y, are you ok?”

Vivien: “You look like a monster.”

Pierce: “Thanks, Vivi. You look great too. You’re wig is on backwards.”

Vivien: “It is? Shit. Did I fix it”

Chloe: “Ew, why do you still wear those? It’s bad enough that you named them all and hang them up on our wall like roadkill trophies.”

Vivien: “Leave Samantha, Veronica, and La Fontaine out of this!”

Chloe: “What happened to Esteban?”

Vivien: “Bad blowout...it’s a bitter situation.”

Pierce: “What happened to you two talking out in the hallway?

Chloe: “Why do you have to sabotage everything I do?”

Pierce: “I wish you two had never been born.”

Vivien: “This is the Bailey Party! We’ve been waiting for this all year! Why do you two all of a sudden not care?”

Chloe: “I’m just...not up for a huge party, Vivi. I’ve been feeling weird all week, and obviously Pierce isn’t up to it..”

Pierce: “What’s obvious about it, Chloe?”

Chloe: “You’ve been glowing and rolling on the floor all afternoon, Pierce, obviously you should see a doctor.”

Pierce: “That is so rude. Fine. I’ll go to the party with you, Vivi, no need to twist my arm.”

Chloe: “What?!”

Vivien: “Come on Chloe!”

Chloe: “No, I’m way too tired tonight. Have fun- Pierce, maybe like...write my phone number on your forehead in case you pass out and go to the hospital.”

Pierce: “I’ll put it on my wrist.”

Chloe: “Have fun you two.”

----

Pierce: “So what exactly is the plan here?”

Vivien: “We’re going to go out, greet as many of our connections as we can-”

Pierce: “Do we...have that many connections?”

Vivien: “Duh. Everybody watches my show, they’ll recognize me. It’s on every single day. So, go in there, find all of the people we know, and convince them to go to our afterparty at the bluffs.”

Pierce: “All the way to the bluffs? Why?”

Vivien: “Because of the atmosphere! And I know that somebody else is throwing a party there tonight and it’ll all be set up and we can form a coup pretty easily.”

Pierce: “Why can’t we just stage a coup at this party.”

Vivien: “How dare you, Pierce. Would you try to take a party away from Jay Gatsby?”

Pierce: “Gatsby? I thought this was the Bailey party, who’s Gatsby?”

Vivien: “Remember? Leonardo Dicaprio.”

---

Chloe: “Hmm...I mean...I’m probably not, like...hmmm….”

----

Vivien: “Hey!”

DJ: “Vivien!?”

Vivien: “I knew you’d remember me! You Dj’d a party I was at a few weeks ago! I tend to stand out in the crowd!”

Dj Fliphop: “You definitely do.”

*Default ring tone*

Dj: “Oh, I should answer that.”

Vivien: “Who still has a ringtone these days. Just put it on vibrate.”

*bzzz*

Vivien: “Like that! My phone is on vibrate like a normal person!”

Pierce: “Uughh. Vivi, I wanna go home.”

Vivien: “We can’t! DJ Flip- that’s what I call him, because we’re friends- is coming back in just a second- he’s a fan!”

Pierce: Hmm...no. You know what- I do not think I’m alright.” *Thump*

Vivien: “Ahh!”

Dj: “Vivien? Ok, it’s gonna be fine, I’ll get Pierce out of here, you call the doctor.”

Pierce: “What….electric man...what do you want from me…?”

Vivien: “Thanks, we’re just gonna be outside.”

Vivien: “Hey, uh...how… did you know my brothers name, Flip?”

Dj: “Uh...becaauuuse...I’m a fan! I love you on the cute and the confident. And I love the Aristocrat story, y’know, classic tabloid stuff, heh.”

Vivien: “Right. I should call my sister.”

---

Chloe: “...ok...ok…ok….I can do this. I can handle this. This is fine. This will be fine.”

*phone vibrates*

Chloe: “Hello? Vivi, where have  you been I’ve been trying to call you all night!”

Vivien: “What? Oh, it was on vibrate I guess I just didn’t notice.”

“Unbelievable.”

Chloe: “Who was that? Was that a robot?”

Vivien: “Yes. It’s not important- Pierce is in the hospital, can you meet us here?”

--

Chloe: “Oh my god, is Pierce okay?”

Vivien: “I don’t know yet!”

Chloe: “Hi. What...are you doing here?”

Vivien: “DJ Fliphopi got Pierce out of there and gave me a ride. He won’t take off his helmet though, apparently he’s quite the fan.”

Chloe: “Can, um, can I talk to you, Vivi? Alone?”

Dj: “Yeah, I, uh...I’ll just be over here.”

Vivien: “What’s up?”

Chloe: “I think I’m pregnant.”

Vivien: “What? Holy shit.”

Chloe: “Yeah.”

Vivien: “Who’s the father?”

Chloe: “Uh.”

Vivien: “You don’t know?”

Chloe: “No!”

Vivien: “Okay, uh, one thing at a time, okay?”

Chloe: “Yeah...yeah.”

Doctor: “Excuse me, Aristocrats? You can go in now.”

Pierce: “Hey, guys…”

Vivien: “Okay, I gotta say...I didn’t see that one coming.”

Chloe: “Eh...I kinda did.”

Pierce: “I would’ve appreciated a warning.”

Vivien: “It’s...kinda cute.”

Pierce: “Sorta.”

Chloe: “Can I...hold them?”

Pierce: “Please, it’s so weird.”

Chloe: “Hey there, what’s your name?”

Pierce: “Oh god, I should name it, right?”

Vivien: “I mean, it’s your baby, Pierce.”

Pierce: “That seems like kind of a stretch.”

Vivien: “So do we just like...have this baby we’re gonna take care of now? I don’t think I can live in an apartment with two babies, you guys, there’s not enough rooms.”

Chloe: “Vivien!”

Pierce: “Wait two babies? There’s another one? Where did they put it?!”

Chloe: “No! I mean...kinda. I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”

Vivien: “RIght, sorry, I didn’t mean to spill the beans on your mama mia situation.’

Pierce: “So...can you take care of it, Chloe?”

Vivien: “Pierce!”

Pierce: “Unless...I mean...we could always...have a little gallery opening....show some other art and…”

Chloe: “Are you really thinking about putting your baby in an art show?”

Pierce: “I don’t know! I don’t really want a baby, I’m way too young for this.”

Vivien: “You’re like 35.”

Pierce: “I’m basically 22, okay?”

Chloe: “So what does that mean?”

Pierce: “I dunno...I could just like...drop it off at mom and dad’s house. They usually seem pretty on top of this stuff. ”

Chloe: “Oh. yeah.”

Vivien: “That sounds like a pretty good idea.”

Pierce: “Yeah, they seem lonely since we moved out.”

Chloe: “That’ll be fun for them. Like a present.”

---

*ding dong*

Lucky: “Hey kids! I wasn’t expecting you today, come in!!”

Pierce: “Weeeelll...I have a present for you! Here!”

Lucky: “.......Who’s baby is this?”

Pierce: “Uhh…”

Chloe: “Maybe we should reevaluate...how important...knowing the parent of a baby...is.”

Vivien: “You wanna know who’s baby this is, Mom? It’s yours!”

Lucky: “Um, ok, I guess we can take care of this little cutie...do they have a name?”

Pierce: “Nope! We thought that you’d want to!”

Lucky: “Are they an alien? Hey cutie...Hello….Roswell.”

Chloe: “Alien baby? Ghost mom! It’s a perfect match!

Vivien: “We’re gonna take off, stuff to do, soap operas to film. Love you guys!!”

Chloe: “You three have fun together!”

Pierce: “You’re welcome! Byeeeee, love you! ”

Thanks for reading! This chapter could also be called “How can I keep that alien baby and still make Chloe the heir since she won the poll” I’m sure Pierce will come around and do the right thing lol. Funny story about that- I complained on the official ea forum that I hadn’t gotten an alien abduction in a really really long time, in the next update they increased the likelihood, Pierce immediately gets abducted and gets pregnant, and I have to figure out how to deal with it. I love it. Anyway, leave a comment if you liked it!

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #5 “I have nothing else to lose at this point” -Jay

-Did I even make a confessional last round??? AHH. Okay so I’m excited with our swap and I think we have a strong tribe but I’m REALLY sad (and not surprised) about Austin leaving. I think that I am on a very strong tribe and I can’t wait to see what happens with it going forward!  Like I can’t bad talk anyone, I like them all. 

-Can we talk about how proud I am of myself for remembering enough information to tell Cindi while she was answering questions? LOL, I had never been so nervous in my entire life so I'm really good that we pulled out a win!  Ali and Collin did such a good job retaining and relaying information.  It is nice to have another day off and I'm really curious to see what Ali decides to do and what the next challenge will be... I don't want this tribe to be broken up yet.   If I do end up swapping I really want to end up on a tribe with Chips.  We played in a game recently AGAINST one another and I'm dying to work with him, like actually work with him so oddly enough, I'm really hoping that he isn't going anywhere! I feel like they will probably go after Timmy or Jay. Right now the person on my tribe I feel like I can talk with the easiest about the game is Ali, he is probably my number one and I feel like I can tell him stuff without it getting passed around the entire tribe.  Do I completely trust him?? NO.  But I do trust him the most haha.  

-I SURVIVED AHHHHHH I GET TO STAY!!!!!!!!! Fuck that was so close and I feel so bad for throwing Austin under the bus but hey, I needed to stay in this game and keep my relationships strong. Plus, voting for Timmy would have looked really shitty to him, after the whole alliance thing. Anyways....Birch is here now! I love them sm and I really look forward to getting to work with them again. As far as I can tell, my best bet of staying is a group of me, Timmy, Zach, Birch and probably Chips. Chips and Zach were so helpful to me this whole day, reassuring me and giving me the information I needed to stay safe. I also called with Timmy just now and we're gonna be sticking together since it's our best option. Its really been a big turn from feeling comfortable in the tribe to fighting to stay, but I'm gonna stay fighting and hopefully make it out of this swap alive.

-I'm trying so fucking hard to stay in this game but right now it feels like a lost cause. Zach sold me out so badly last night and it feels like it's been impossible to recover. I'm trying to get me, Timmy, chips, and birch to all vote Zach but it's feeling less and less like it's actually happening and more like they're just saying it to keep me comfortable. No one is really responding to me anymore and it just feels like this is the end. The only little bit of hope I have is apparently Timmy has heard it's gonna be Birch instead? Seems like a long shot, I don't really want to see them leave, and I'm not gonna push for it. Birch is an indespencible ally and I will go to rocks for them if i have to. I have nothing else to lose at this point.

https://youtu.be/cYEa3LQE6N4

-Going into tonight's tribal, I think I'll be safe and have the votes of Timmy, Jess, Gavin, and Keegan. However, I feel like either Gavin and Keegan could flip (though unlikely) OR an idol could be used on Jay. I guess we shall see though. See y'all on the other side :)

-okay so the og annie tribe lost their marbles and got a 4-3-1? which well. in other news, i died in my other game and mr BODHI on this tribe got me out... very interesting. i was originally gonna punish him and get him out. and i still might. im unsure. he would deserve it tho he is so wishywashy that its infuriating. rn dream alliance is cindi/vi/ruthie/rachael (aka feminism + ali). bodhi was the best to vote for me on a game level and him needless treating me like crap makes that much easier.

-okay hello... so in a crazy plot twist... we won the storytime? i was really proud of my own contribution to the challenge, i passed on a LOTTA info to collin and he did so so good passing it, ruthie SNAPPED when she was so nervous and cindi brought it home. my game has been pretty smooth sailing, two easy votes and now im chilling on the most wholesome tribe ever. should i probably be throwing these challenges to save jay/timmy/austin... maybe... but am i going to... no. im not risking my game life when i see my entire current tribe as long term allies. ideal scenario is that group implodes and sets us up to pick up the pieces at merge... maybe? but also i think we are swapping again before merge, so just adding another challenge with the shakespeare challenge delays me getting jumped by the conglomerate of generic men, birch and jess. my closest ally right now is definitely ruthie, i LOVE ME SOME RUTHIE. vi, cindi, collin, timmy and rachael i also trust to some extent. bodhi i literally would get an indescribable seretonin rush from voting out... i would LOVE the opportunity to jump him in this game. am over that man. but im vibing having fun! still have an idol! and living my BEST life ha. im sorry my confessionals have been underwhelming but my game experience has been pretty smooth sailing so far ha.

-Spill the tea! *It's 1:11AM and I still miss Gavin.

-It's 8:59 PM and I still miss Gavin. prayer circle for Gavin <3

https://youtu.be/JSmJThHF-tU

So I did something. I am not allied with 5/7 people on my tribe. I have the "3 Canadians, oh and the 2 American Hosts" Alliance of me, Jess and Keegan. I am not quite as Loyal to that alliance as I am my new one. But I still don't want to vote them out. If I HAD to I would but i want to keep them. I really like both of them. I just made the "The Jolly Crew" Alliance which is Me, Jay, Timmy Z and Zach. I love this alliance. I vibe really well with Timmy and Jay. I am a little more iffy on Zach but he is really cool! I stan everyone! I guess out of the 2 people left I would prefer to vote out chips? He tends to be kinda inactive and I talk to him the least. IDK I'll go with the numbers, and my alliance.  

Another round, another immunity win. I’m just living life and am happy with how this game is going. Don’t really have to do much but making sure it won’t be me if we eventually do go to tribal.

We lost the challenge despite my best efforts. I think we’re voting Jay

I wish i had something of substance to say but this tribe refuses to go to tribal :/ i've found spots where TWO idols were in the past i think??? lions -> straight ahead -> ask for a tour, and vikings -> small boat -> get on the small boat

Soooooo... we lost the challenge again an' I got kidnapped by the gentlemen o' fortune. love that there fer me! then, to me surprise, right off o' the bat, jay threw me name out. so 'e be essentially dead to me now an' I expect 'im to be leavin' tonight. his blood ‘ill be on me hook after tonight. luckily fer me, I went around an' started spreadin' that there I 'ad 'eard 'e been sayin' me name—and 'e 'ad apparently only said it to zach. so now, the votes be between zach an' jay... an' I could not be 'appier as me name be off o' the table as farrr as I know. so bless to the sky to that there. I be expectin' jay to set sail tonight, but who knows. there been a lot o' talk o' 'im or birch 'avin' an idol or some kind o' advantage (which I believe birch may 'ave something), but I don’t think I be playin' me idol unless I catch wind o' somethin' strange 'appenin'... but me fingers be crossed an' I be goin' to 'ope fer the best.

2nd win and Ali is chucked to the tree house. Gotta do a music video

So the Annie curse strikes again............ wooo. This vote is a bit of a mess but honestly this all works out for me. Jay going ensures that I have Chips/Birch's loyalties moving forward and honestly the more OG Annie people that go the better. I hate the whole tribe lines situation but honestly I'm kind of stuck in it and I think I'm stuck in it for the long haul or at least for now. Zach going ensures I can climb the social rankings of the OG JACK tribe but it also might make me land on the bottom and it would be such a gamble. Do I trust Zach? no. Do I think everything Birch/Jay are saying about Zach is completely true..mhm BUT I need him just for a bit longer at this point. Also if Jay didn't say Gavin's name I probably would risk it and vote out Zach but at this point I can't not vote out someone who is saying my number 1's name... I want another swap because I'm bored of talking to the same people and I need to form some new bonds before merge. 

With me getting one vote last time, I really wanted to secure my spot within my team and was able to talk with Zach and Jess into making an alliance chat with us and Keegan/Gavin. Hopefully jay goes tonight but I’m not to sure. In the challenge bitch was terrible. We are a bit nervous they got an advantage or idol on exile which is why we are telling everyone the vote is birch tonight. Guess we will see how tonight goes

I'm doing lots of house stuff today but I hear there's a mess to be had with Jay versus Zach. I want to vote Zach because he has been acting head honcho but also... dont care too much. Im going to try to force a tie then get blindsided out of the game. Hype energy!

.

.

.

The Round 5 Cast Assessment will be combined with Round 6 (on the next episode)

[ghoulcouriersix]

Bruce x Fem!Reader

Bruce x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1728

Prompt: “I’m not going anywhere.”

Tagged people: @minipaige160 @brykortreat

Warnings: Spoilers,Violence, if you don't like violent/fluff filled fics this one ain't for you so just ignore it.

Authors notes: Feedback is always welcome good and bad! I won't stand for plain harassment though because how is that going to help me improve? Anyways I hope you enjoy reading it I took a long break from writing and finally decided to get back into it so here's my first fic back from my break ^^

Bruce's wiki page:

The day was nearing its end and the gang still wasn't back yet, the air was getting crisp and bitter, you started to worry even if you didn't show it to the others.

The camp was alive with chit chat, idle arguments or Uncle complaining about how he's practically useless to do any work, the noise fizzed out to you it was just a simple mumble in the background.

"Still nothing?" Karen walked over to you her arms folded.

You snapped out of this trance that a hold of your mind and shook your head as the anxiety built in your stomach, a million scenarios ran through your mind, mostly horrible and gruesome.

Karen gently patted your back knowing not to make some snarky or outrageous remark when you're like this "Don't worry your head about it you know what those boys are like, they'll be back soon i know it"

And with that she was gone and the warmth from her hand evaporated, so you sat there knees tucked to your chest and your eyes stuck on the camps entrance. Horseshoe overlook was in your words, breathtaking it was always sunny and the crystal clear water to match made it perfect, it brought out the best in most of the gang except Micha, Bill and Reverend, Micha kept to his own devices with Bill and Reverend both passed out drunk half the time.

Your mind wondered to the gang and their well being and the deep pit of anxiety reared it's ugly head yet again, you knew they could handle themselves perfectly well but there was a certain cowboy your mind kept skipping over but the excessive pull in your heart brought your brain right back to him.

Bruce was a cold hearted man, he wasn't one for playing games with people, he's killed a lot of people, innocent and not so good hearted, honestly when you first clapped eyes on him you should have ran away then, bolted from that devil in disguise before you but something pulled you back maybe it was that little smile he had when you swayed over to him or how he smelled like home, could be his piercing brown eyes or that gruff southern voice, the way his clothes hugged him in all the right places and how it shapes certain areas perfectly. With Bruce being 43 you were always doubted by the other girls why you'd even like a man like him especially with his age too, you'd laugh off their jokes which had an underlying nasty tone to them, Mary-Beth was different though she would swoon around your relationship and how when she becomes a professional writer how you two would be the first she wrote about.

You remembered how Bruce and Arthur would go and collect overdue debts for Herr Strauss, they'd come back to camp with their knuckles bruised and a tense look in their eyes but a wad of cash in hand. You wanted that experience, to see that side of life and not be babied at camp knitting ripped clothes and baking. You badgered Bruce all day about it all attempts ending in a big no so you moved onto Arthur who caved after a few hours of not dropping the subject.

You had to go see a man called Thomas Downes, he borrowed a lot of money and it couldn't be ignored, Bruce and Arthur decided it was best to get there at sunrise, the atmosphere throughout the ride was thick and awkward, the sound of the horse's hooves slamming against the dry dirt was enough sound for you.

The Downes farmhouse was really nice and well kept, the horses and farm animals looked healthy and ripe, you wished you could live like this and get a name for yourself.

Bruce got down from his horse giving it a small pat and a scratch behind its ear, Arthur's lips were in a tight thin line you could tell he didn't really like doing this but it's business at the end of the day.

"Mister Downes i have come to collect" Bruce shouted his deep southern accent made its appearance, his threatening tone sent shivers down your spine, his Carbine repeater in one hand as he shouted, you could tell his patience was running thin.

Thomas looked up over the mounting plants he had behind a white fence.

"Arthur, (Y/N), over here" he called out.

With a nod to each other you hitched your horses and walked towards Bruce who was already interrogating this man, you scanned Thomas up and down, his skin was pale but his cheeks were flushed bright pink, he had dark red bags under his eyes and he was sweating profusely.

Bruce had the man by the suspenders ragging him back and forth "Where's the damn money you owe herr strauss?" he ordered.

The poor man was a bubbling mess, he clearly wasn't well, you grabbed Bruce's arm.

"Bruce he's not well, look at him" you interjected looking back at Arthur he looked intimidating and it was obviously striking more fear into Thomas, you felt a pang of guilt go through your heart and a churn in your stomach, this wasn't right these people were just trying to get by and fell and hard times now if they don't pay they get two burly angry men smashing at their doors.

"I aint got time for this, i aint gonna ask you again maggot now where's the money" Bruce barked again ignoring your words, tugging Thomas by the suspenders closer to his face, Bruce snarled his teeth gritted.

"I'll get it i promise i just need more time please" Thomas begged, he had a sincere look in his eyes.

You thought Bruce would've backed off but everything happened in a flash, Thomas was on the floor clutching his jaw you quickly stepped back, not used to seeing him in such a nasty way, sure he was moody and off but never downright vile in front of you, it was the start of seeing a man fighting with two sides of himself. Bruce stood over him the still rising sunlight illuminated his features, every wrinkle, the bear claw scar that fitted his face perfectly , that well kept beard, his furrowed eyebrows, his slicked back hair, his tent stash never lacked hair pomade.

Arthur knelt down besides Thomas, groaning as his knees cracked with his movements.

"Now you listen here, we aint playin' around with you, sick or not you owe us money and we are gonna get it whether you're here or not do ya understand me now?" Arthur threatened and Thomas nodded weakly as he turned onto his stomach coughing violently, you could tell his throat was probably sore as hell, his lungs sounded tired and dry as blood painted the grass below.

Bruce stepped off of him and looked down at him with a hint of disgust as Thomas gripped his chest, You could here the farmhouse door swing open and a older looking woman and a young looking boy rushed outside.

"Thomas" a woman shouted in panic rushing over to the dying man, she quickly collapsed to the floor beside the coughing man, comforting him, she looked up at the two strangers the shadow that covered their faces made them looks bigger and more monstrous.

"He's sick you animals, he's not well and you just about signed his death" she ran her fingers through his dirt coated hair you could hear her silent sobs as his eyes looked dilated and soulless.

The young boy looked terrified and the guilt in you grew, is this the life you so wanted? To be wanted in three states and maybe more? To go around beating up dying people and hounding the poor? No you're not that type of woman but there's people at camp that need you. A certain man who no matter what he's done or will do you just can't leave him.

"Sick or not he owes us money, he shoulda' thought about his damn health before borrowing money he can't pay back" Bruce raised his voice.

"You'll get your damn money, now go" she interrupted with a harsher tone.

Bruce threw his hands up walking away rubbing his knuckles, you could tell he was still riled up.

"You got one week ya hear? we'll be back woman" Arthur warned and walked towards the horses leaving the woman and the boy to try and calm their gravely ill family member.

You caught up to Arthur and Bruce who were already saddling up, Bruce had an expression of a bear who'd been stung by a thousand bees, his jaw was clenched tight and Arthur looked troubled and clearly pissed off but you decided to not comment.

That trip left a sour taste in your mouth, you saw what you wanted to see, the harsher world but it came at a price, a price you regret.

You hadn't the slightest clue of the time but it was well past 7 you predicted, the cold was getting to you now, goosebumps grew on your bare skin making any touch from your clothing extremely sensitive, your eyes began to sting with dryness and the looming need of sleep. The camp was going settling down for the night, some of the boys gathered around the campfire drinking as usual.

Your eyes slowly closed the mixture of voices and the crackling of the fire in the background slowly lulled you into peaceful stupor, you could hear footsteps, louder talking but it was muffled like you were slowly falling underwater, you could feel the ground disappear, it felt like you were floating on a cloud until your back hit the rough material below your body sinking into whatever you were laying on.

Your eyes cracked open slowly the land around was fuzzy and out of focus, the lantern on the side table outlined a familiar figure.

"Bruce?" You groaned and reached your arm out your hand gently grabbed his coarse leather jacket.

"Hm?"

"You're real I thought you were still gone" you mumbled with a small smile.

You heard a quiet chuckle which made your heart burst into flames and your cheeks flared up.

"I ain't goin' anywhere darlin'"

And with that you drifted back into sleep knowing your favourite cowboy was back safe with you.

Disclaimer: None of my characters are to be used as pfps, role playing characters or to be claimed by anyone who isn't me of course, if any are seen using my characters for any of these purposes then action will be taken against you. Fanart is always welcome please pm me so I can properly credit you and if you post it please credit my name as the character's owner it solves all confusion, DO NOT use my writing in any way shape or form and claim it as your own I spend a lot of time on my writing so I don't appreciate having it stolen.

#red dead redemption online #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #Bruce Gilligan #Xreader #writing #fanfic #original character #female reader

[opendoorlorien]

If your up for on more how about Kaze/Orochi?

OKAY KAZE AND OROCHI. THIS SUPPORT. (This is long but you have me the opportunity to get deep into this so here we go)

I actually find it to be a pretty interesting support. However I guess I have to get this out of the way first before I talk about these two, but I don’t really like Orochi. Don’t get me wrong I dont hate her or despise her by any means no. It’s just… I don’t agree with the way she goes about doing things. Personally I’ve experienced a few times the phenomenon of “liking a character AS a character, but disliking them on a personal level”. Like if you met them irl you would NOT be friends with them and would keep any interactions to a minimum. There are a few characters I feel that way about in Fates (not many in Awakening now that I think about it) and Orochi is one of them. So I dont really hate her by any means but like I can’t feel???? her hybrid rainbow, if you know what I mean okay (her support with Jakob makes me like mad tho omg. She made him hurt himself and put himself in a dangerous situation just for the lulz. Like geez sister..).

Okay so taking that into account, we know that Orochi likes to have fun. She likes to play her games and manipulate and trick people for her own amusement. And then there’s Kaze. The sweet… soft… goodboy. Who, you could say, words like naive and innocent are not inappropriate to use when describing him, yes. And then you wonder, or perhaps dread, what would come about when someone like him meets a sneaky snek like Orochi. WELL, actually, it’s kind of rather surprising.

Many of Orochi’s supports consist of her playing games and tricks on people, and they usually fall for it HOOK LINE AND SINKER. Because she’s a woman who usually gets what she wants.

However, surprisingly actually, in Kaze’s support that doesnt actually happen. For those who aren’t familiar with the support, it consists of Kaze accidentally scaring and surprising Orochi every time he appears out of nowhere because he’s got his NINJA BUSINESS. Now this kinda frustrates Orochi (it’d probably annoy me too I’m really jumpy lol) so they work out a compromise that Kaze wears a little bell that you can just barely hear, so Orochi can hear him coming, and then eventually catch him like a cat does a mouse, and learn to hear his NINJA BUSINESS.

So this goes on for a little while and it’s all fun and good times for a bit. And during the while you maybe start to think that yeah Orochi really is playin Kaze right now he’s about to get beaned dat boi RIGHT.

BUT THEN, EVENTUALLY, Orochi finally is able to perceive Kaze with the bell on and can hear him coming before he arrives. GOOD JOB OROCHI YOU CAUGHT KAZE. OR… DID SHE.

And then Kaze is probably the most fukkin savage he is in any one of his supports in the entire game and says

[[Orochi: Your days of creeping up on me are over. Now…I can pounce on you! You see? That was my ploy all along. Orochi, a mouse? Never! I just didn’t like getting outcatted by you. Now the hunt begins.Kaze: The hunt…for? Oh, I see.Orochi: You’d better start running, Kaze. Orochi is on the prowl.Kaze: Ah, just one problem.Orochi: Which is?Kaze: You may be able to hear a ninja—with a bell—but can you catch one? I’m fleet of foot. Gone before you can turn around.Orochi: But I trained so hard to outcat you! Maybe if you wear heavy chains…Kaze: Training is over, Orochi. For you… and for me. I’ve learned what I wanted to: what my threshold of detection is. Now I know. So, off with the bell. Back to the shadows. Thank you for playing my little game. It’s made me a better ninja.Orochi: Your game?! But this was MY game!Kaze: Heh. Was it?(Kaze leaves)]]

HOLYF. 

So honestly I find it really surprisingly refreshing that instead of getting MEGAPLAY’d by Orochi, Kaze is actually the one who plays HER for a change (if we ignore their S rank, which I like to LOL. I’m going to let Kaze have this victory okay lol). Which is also funny when you take into account that Saizo gets SUPERMEGAPLAYED by Orochi in their support together. It’s actually kinda brutal how hard she totally destroys him on every fundamental level. She plays him right to his face and he just accepts it. Get it together Saizo oh my god.

So honestly I find Kaze/Orochi’s support amusing simply because he gets to turn her tricks back on her for a change.

And it shows that while Kaze is naive and innocent about some things, he’s NOT stupid and not gullible I suppose you could say (his naivete comes more from him taking things a bit too seriously and being SRS NINJ) but from this we know Kaze is not someone to be played for a fool. AND ACTUALLY, I have more to say about this.

So now we will proceed into the “I am reading way too deep into Kaze’s character to the point where I’m piecing together things that I’m not entirely sure the game makers even intended to be pieced together when creating his character, but they sure are there yo” section of this ….thing

SO. We all know that Kaze is, on a regular or semi regular basis, attracted by the unwarranted affections of women which range from verbal adoration, gift giving, to even love letters lmao poorguy. Now we never actually find out how long this has been going on for but honestly I think it’d be cute if when he was a kid little girls in the village used to give him love letters and stuff and he’d just be confused like ??????????????

And this is never stated anywhere so it could just fully be me REACHING. But it made me wonder that what if Kaze ended up running into a few bad women before? I mean the deceptive ones who play games and trick people for their own amusement (kinda like Orochi but I mean with more ill intentions. Orochi doesnt actually want to hurt anyone in a super bad way (she says anyway)). I mean like the kind of women who fake loving someone to get something they want (usually money or something like that) And Kaze sure aint rich so I don’t know why a succubus would try to prey on him. but the way he acts in Orochi’s support, and not just hers but Camilla’s too, makes me wonder that if he had a bad experience or two with a woman before.

Like if we look at his support with Orochi again, RIGHT AWAY he knows she’s a trickster and RIGHT AWAY he’s actually much more cool and curt with her than he is with any other rando army member. Like you can tell he has his guard up and is cautious around her, which is why he keeps conversation brief and lacks the usual softnice warmth he usually has when talking to others. Like from his dialogue I just feel that he doesn’t feel relaxed here and isnt going to be casual and chill. He knows to be cautious and careful around her so he doesn’t get played. He displays semi similar behavior in his support with Camilla when she keeps inviting him out for tea (we also know she is provocative by nature. Even in their S rank he said “At first I wasn’t sure what your game was” which implies he thought she had ulterior motives or perhaps ‘not above board’ intent).

This is just generally something I’ve noticed about Kaze in the both of these supports which leads me to believe he’s had one or two sour encounters with his female fanbase before. I like to entertain the thought anyway. Which is why the naturally sweet Kaze doesnt end up getting manipulated like you might think he would in both of these supports.

OKAY, so now aside from that. I don’t care for them together romantically. Like I said Kaze seems like he’s putting up a wall in Orochi’s support and kinda wants to not get too close to her. Though I do think eventually he finds his own enjoyment in the cat and mouse game and I do think he relishes a little in one upping her just this once lol. Because of their spice I’m sure they’d have an okay or so relationship. They have an interesting differing personality balance which I’m sure could lead to one thing or another. Personally it’s not really my taste though.

I’d mention eugenics here too but we know in Fates that eugenics don’t really matter aside from skill inheritance (even then) and hair color. All in all its far from my least favorite Kaze ship, but I generally avoid putting these two together even platonically. Like I said since I dont like Orochi that much I like to opt for using Hayato over her (I do think she has a great design though and I used her the first time I played BR).

So all in all its a ‘interesting food for thought support/10"

#inquiries #Anonymous #k this is fukkin LONGE and if any yall actually read all this I'll be surprised #most of it is just conjecture #btw I said this before but I will reiterate it as many times as necessary #but the only romantic Kaze ship I care about is his with Corrin #I'd basically never marry him to anyone else unless someone put a gun to my head #AND ITS NOT JUST BC I'M SELF INSERTING I SWEAR I MEAN LIKE THEY'RE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER IN EVERY WAY #so when I talk about other Kaze ships I just dont have an opinion on them romantically #I can only talk about them in a platonic sense #bc I just cant see them as anything beyond that #and it doesnt help either I'm not really a big shipper to begin with #even with my non Kaze/Corrin OTPs like #I would advocate them sure #but I wouldnt die for them #or let them consume my life #Kaze/Corrin is like an acception #BECAUSE I'M FUKKIN ACE #well technically demisexual if we want to split hairs here OHOHO #but ya there ya go

[mcrmadness]

Rant about how I can’t draw anymore... it shouldn’t have got this long but as it did anyway, I’m gonna put a read more link there eh...

Asdfdeghawbfk I’ve been reading some webcomics on Tumblr and the more I see the pics the more I want to draw too! I just don’t know what to draw. I lost my inspiration years ago. I guess I just became this boring adult or something. Not really as I’m still very child-like by my mind but I think all my energy and imagination is rented by my mental illness as it loves to make up weird scenarios and false alarms 24/7 so there’s none left for my own use...

So far only things I can came up with is drawings related to my mental stuff and it makes me angry because it’s just lots of text along with badly drawn pictures of nothing interesting. I already write way too much of my nonsense no one is interested in and it’s spreading to my art too.

It’s sad because drawing had been my hobby since I could handle a pen. I guess it ended few years ago when I used to do lots of portraits. Just fanart basically but those were never good enough. For me as I’m a huge perfectionist. I was good at the mechanics but not so good at making them look original. I think the major breakdown was when my friend told me that she doesn’t understand people who draw portraits because it’s just basically a copy of a photo and is lacking the soul or story of the drawing itself. She got the point and I was and still am not angry at her, but it made me realize that they were just not-even-perfect copies of photos.

I also was bullied at school and made feel like I was worth nothing and everyone just hated (on) me and I felt pretty shit and I was lonely as hell (I had no friends at school for almst 2 years in straight), I drew a lot and that was my way of getting the attention and approval I couldn’t get. And it was never enough. I did not draw because it was fun but because I wanted it finished, uploaded to Deviantart and to see if I could get comments and I was ALWAYS disappointed and felt like the world is against me and it’s my destiny that no one will ever see me no matter what I do. I was grateful for everyone leaving a like or comment but it was not enough... so maybe they lacked the soul because y only intention with them was to get attention. So I slowly stopped drawing.

I also can’t draw anything just like that. I’m terrible and it also made me even more depressed and angry because everytime I tried drawing something that was no copying, they turned out 57825792 times worse. And I just felt like I actually couldn’t even draw shit so I was just lying to myself, I was pretending to be good at drawing when in reality I sucked so bad and just was faking for myself because I knew how to mechanically draw, but not how to draw with just my mind as the reference pic. I don’t know if they looked so horrible for everyone or just for me, but it made me so damn angry. And I’m not an angry person but when I tried to draw it just made me so stressed out and I wanted to break everything and throw stuff out of the window so I stopped.

AND YET I still feel the urge to draw but I don’t know WHAT to draw. Okay since the first Deadpool movie I’ve been wanting to draw this once scene from it but I’ve never started because it’s too much work to go and find that scene on the bluray and actually get that paused so you can see the lines well enough. So I’ve been thinking about that scene for over 2 years and have done nothing. Also it would just be one stupid-ass piece of fanart portrait which lack the soul and it’d be just for me to do something DP related for couple of hours as that’s probably only way to do something lasting that long. Unless I watch the movie or play the game 24/7 but... maybe not :DD (Also still can’t beat the last boss in the game because they really did not think about players using keyboard so it’s pissing me off too. I really want to know how the damn game ends!)

I also love comics and I started drawing comics when I was 9-10 years old. Or first I started with just series of pictures. Acually have to tell this one here: always the same story tho about a dino riding another dino like a horse in a competition, and then falling over this water hurdle that was deeper than swim pools what the fuck - and it ended with him watching the competition from tv with his family and he was in a wheel chair with an overall plaster cats what was wrong with me??? But I also did draw on coloring books, once I draw with a red crayon on some sort of swan, I drew wounds and blood everywhere and kept telling a story of how lion had attacked it and my aunt was there listening to me horrified :DDD I also remember how I once drew a cat family that apparently turned out to be so dangerous they had chains and all and eventually I ended up drawing lines over the whole paper because they were also behind a ighly securited fence. Okay, I know this sounds pretty creepy, but actually I’ve always liked animals over people so I have no clue why I drew things like these when in the end I could never hurt animals. Maybe Jurassic Park and other movies, as well as documents about animals, had something to do with this? Who knows...

(I also have traumas for the movie “Homeward Bound”, the scene where the cat’s in the basket in the middle of the river and the dog is trying to rescue it. I was very young at the time when my mom caught me in front of that movie crying like a... baby? because of that cat. I haven’t been able to watch that film ever again. So that probably tells you how much I love animals and especially cats as I’ve always lived with cats and we had three when I was born. But I did adopt this to my plays as a kid, I loved so much to play when someone or even better if it was a GROUP OF KIDS that were in a huge danger and they needed to be rescued. I did this with every single play I played back then. Still love it when x rescues y but nowadays more like on an emotional level as I was always alone against the people hating me and I could only dream about someone standing for me.)

BUT TO THE COMICS. At first they were just stream of consciousness without any plot, I created new characters all the time and never finished their stories as they had no plot ever. Also loved drawing “biographies”, usually it was some female anthropomorphic animal or insect that used clothes and had hair because I loved drawing different styles, make up and hair/hairdos to them. And often it started with couple of panels telling about her story from the beginning, then jumped to some age and next thing was panel per age at the same time telling about her in tht age. The idea was just to draw lots or hair and clothes, and then it ended with some age I considered “adult enough” and then their teenage/adult life started with boyfriends and stuff. Usually it was pretty much an ugly duckling kind of story where they were different and maybe bullied because of something (this one bunny had floppy ears so they did everything to get them pointy because she was bullied I guess? At least she hated her ears. Btw this was my first real comic ever!). But you can see why I still love playin The Sims games! :D

After these endless stories about nothing particular I came up with the idea of actually writing a plot and then drawing. Ended up with plenty of short comics that actually had a plot and some idea in them. The characters did change tho and I probably had couple of stories of each different characters. They were also always animals but no more antropomorphic but just animals that had speech bubbles.

My last comics ever (so far) have been two originals and one that I drew as a fanart. The two originals were called Micro - The Insane Murdered, and Little Emo Bird.

Micro was this dino-like creature, yet another anthropomorphic character because I did not know how to draw people without copying anyone’s style and I just never came up with humans as characters. So the header tells it, Micro is a murderer. This one I actually liked a lot! I was 15-17 when I drew him, but it was also much gore as, well, he’s a murderer. Or just a killer as he’s pretty much insane and doesn’t plan but just acts out of blue. I think I drew 3 different short stories for him and I had the last one written down. It was pretty interesting as I didn’t draw him for a while and when I remembered those plans and came back, I had had my identity crisis and EVERYTHING had changed. Original plan was to get him a girlfriend - after he was caught for his crimes and snet to prison,m he later was sent to an asylum for prisoners. This story should have taken place in there, introducing fellow inmates and Micro just felt like he was not in the right place as he was not ill. And then he would have met this girl and they’d have fallen in love and so on. But when I later checked that out I was so... confused :D Like, this is not me? This is what I hate now? Romance, ew, heteronormativity, ew, JUST THE CLICHÉS, BIG EW. So I just wrote these this very deep wall of text about his personality but it never turned into a comic. But I remember how proud I was about it as Micro was meant to be partly me but also something I could never be and never will be and what not, just some pretty cheesy blabber that felt good back then but right now would feel just as stupid as the first plan :D

The second one, Little Emo Bird, was an interesting one as well. I created it as a joke because I was a huge My Chemical Romance fan and there was this never-ending debate over if they’re emo or not (and as a fan I believed them so they were not emo) and created LEB. It was this bird and you usually saw just his head and occassionally wings too and he was very stereotypical emo with black hair and he was very suicidal and angry 24/7. Also others called him gay when he insisted that he was not. But actually I always imagined him with a girl emo bird instead of another boy bird but it was just the another stereotype that emoboys are gays. So it was not meant to be mean but just fun. I also liked him very much because he talked with me - the drawer/writer. Like he knew he can’t kill himself because I won’t let him and it pissed him off very. much. And he hated how the panels he was in had frames looking like scars. Oh my bad, the panels were not scars but the arrows pointing the next panel :D I’m not sure if he was actually suicidal but at least he acted like one because he was desperate for attention and tried to get attention to show no one gives a fuck about him and the would get angry for stupid reasons. So basically just a very moody teenager. 

I have all these on my DeviantArt if someone’s interested, but I want to link here one of the... memes? What the shit these DA fill-this-thing were actually called memes? I wonder if they still are o.O Anyway, I want to link this one because I think it’s still the best one and I really like the outcome here :D

Here’s also the link to my dA as this empty meme was done by someone else and I wanna give credits. Oops, apparently it’s a deactivated account so nevermind, but here’s the link anyway.

The latter and so far the latest comic was about Die Ärzte, or more about the slash pairing (still my OTP) and I drew couple of comics about them, as well did write fanfiction too. These comics were my first to have human characters as I was tired of drawing everyone always in the form of animals (horses usually) just because I didn’t know how to draw people, and many people found their animal forms really disturbing to view so I changed to people.

After those I just haven’t drawn anything really. Comics would be nice, once I actually thought it would be interesting as a career but then again, I can’t work under pressure and I couldn’t live from art because you never know when the artblock hits you. Right now it’s been on for couple of years and basically only way to create something atm is to play The Sims 3 and write my TS3 blog. At least it’s something, pics with text so... I still would love to draw but I just have NO IDEA of any concept or anything.

Also just want to say here that after thinking about my Micro and LEB it’s weird how there’s certain things that actually are just the things that made me start liking Deadpool. (I’d have written ‘fall in love’ but as much as he is a fictional character, he’s still a human being and I don’t/can’t love humans...) It just shows that I’ve always like that kind of things with comics but didn’t know they existed outside of my comics until I found out about DP. Have to admit tho, that I haven’t read any DP comics... But I have an excuse: I don’t know if there’s a way to get those in Finland. ANYWAY, I just feel like someone would think these were affected by DP but actually they were not. Micro and LEB both were created in 2008 and I did not find out about Deadpool until in... 2013-2014 I think? And even then it was just occassional browsing in the internet before the movie trailers came out and that’s when I really got interested and started reading about him a lot and bought the game and here I am now. Acually not sure if it was in 2013 when we were just rewatching the X-Men movies and a friend of mine probably mentioned Deadpool at some point and told some things about him that got my attention. But really I got interested bit later anyway.

I really feel like I should do some sort of comparison between me drawing from photos vs. me drawing from my head to show how huge the difference is. And this annoys me a lot because I feel like I’ve been using these photos to LEARN to draw better but it just feels like my skills are at the maximum no matter how much I’d practice, and I’m not happy with the result as I feel like I should learn even more but how do you learn if your skill is stuck??? People always say that you just need to draw every day and a lot and they don’t understand that’s what I did and never could cross a certain point. I probably was also very jealous at my siblings because they were 5732850 times better than me who had been drawing longer than them (as I’m 3½ years older), just seeing them to improve made me so angry because I did not seem to improve at all. With copy drawings I did tho! But not with the ones I wanted to.

Now, I also know that lots of artists use lots of reference photos and that’s actually great and made me feel better as I always assumed everyone is naturally that awesome and I can’t even learn more; so it made me feel better because I also have permission? I’m not fake for using photos? But I’m just this... all or nothing so I very easily feel like I’ve betrayed myself if I don’t draw all by myself and then I need to point out that hey I’m not this good in reality I used a photo heh don’t think I’m a naturally gifted as I’M NOT asddd. So yeah, my need to constantly explain myself is on the way with this one too :))) But I don’t think this would be so bad anymore if I now started drawing again, but the biggest problem still is, that I still have that artblock and I haven’t had inspirations in years. Apart from that DP fanart idea which I don’t know if I should carry out or not... sigh.

...I want teh comics!!! I once even wanted to start this webcomic diary because I used to read lots of them but even that idea was dead from the beginning because my life is so boring there’s nothing to draw about. I also have drawn couple of comics of our cats but again it’s the thing I can’t (or I make myself believe that I can’t...) draw the way it’d look nice and appealing, now they’re just black and white mess.

#me #personal #drawing #artblock #all my inspiration died out and idk why asdddddd

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work