#at least the plane tickets were ten bucks

[queerbuckleys]

Cant believe I signed up to go and be deadnamed and misgendered hahahahaha

#I’m excited to see my cousins tho #at least the plane tickets were ten bucks #and I think I have a good few people in my corner #but it’s a bunch of old people bababaa

[steves-on-a-plane]

The Ambassador

Words: 1613 Square Filled for @buckybarnesbingo: Bodyguard Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: Reader is a young ambassador tasked with setting up with a new US embassy in Wakanda. She is less than pleased to find out she's been assigned a body guard to watch over her.

"Enjoy your flight!” The attendant said as they handed you back your ticket. They waved you through the ramp and assured you that your luggage would be taken care of. You texted your boss, letting him know you were about to board your almost thirteen-hour flight to Wakanda. It was just the first item on a laundry list of tasks you’d have to complete in order to set up the first US embassy in Wakanda.

till tapping away at your screen, you sat in the nearest plush leather seat. You had a few emails you needed to send before the flight crew made the rounds and asked everyone to turn off electronic devices. The same attendant from before came by and took your drink order. You took note of the five other passengers on board. Traveling in a private jet might not be cheap, but so far it was more comfortable than commercial.

“Ambassador [Y/L/N]?” You looked up from your phone when someone called your name. Standing in front of you was a handsome man with neatly cropped chestnut brown hair. He was wearing black jeans, a black moto jacket and black leather gloves. Not your typical diplomat’s style. “My name is James, it will be my job to keep you safe while you’re in Wakanda.”

“I wasn’t aware I was in any danger.” You told him in a bristly tone. “It was my understanding that the Wakandan government was in full support of us building an embassy.”

“It’s standard protocol apparently.” He assured you.

“I don’t need a baby sister, James. I suggest you get off the plane now before they start to taxi us to the runway.” You advised.

“No disrespect, Ma’am, but I’m staying.” He sat down in the chair across from you. The bag he had slung over one shoulder was tossed to the floor with a thump. “I’ve been assigned to protect you and I’m a man of my word so that’s what I’m going to do. At least until the embassy is up and running and you have a full security detail.”

“Well then I’ll have you reassigned.” You took out your phone again, but the cabin crew had already closed the doors and seatbelt indicators had been turned on. It was too late to turn back now. You were stuck with him for at least the next day.

You rolled your eyes and swiveled your leather chair, so you were facing the window. It would be at least thirty minutes before you’d be allowed to use your phone or laptop. You looked out the window and watched the earth descend below. You began running through your mental checklists. You had a checklist for everything that needed to get done once you landed. You had a checklist for the welcome dinner the first night you were in Wakanda. You even had a checklist of work you wanted to accomplish during your day long flight.

What you didn’t have a checklist for was the new bodyguard you’d been saddled with. Protection details were common with embassy work, but usually the team was cleared well in advance. They weren’t just thrown onto a plane with you in the last minute. Still, it wasn’t this guy’s fault he’d been stuck with you. You swiveled your chair again to face him.

“Have you ever been Wakanda, James?” You asked, trying to make conversation.

“Once or twice.” He nodded. “You?”

“No.” You confessed. “Have you ever worked security for an ambassador before?”

“I won’t get in your way Ma’am.” He assured.

“You’d better not.” You smirked. “But I wasn’t trying to imply anything. I just think if we’re going to be working so closely together, we might as well get to know each other.”

“No thanks.” He reached into his bag and removed a book. “Kumbaya isn’t my thing.” He opened the book and began reading. You took out your laptop and got to work. You had checklists that needed tending too.

The flight crew came around and brought everyone their drink orders. When a cool glass of whiskey was placed in front of the bodyguard, he put his book down and sipped slowly. He watched you over his glass.

“Why Wakanda?” He questioned suddenly.

“I thought we weren’t talking.” You commented before drinking from your own glass.

“I don’t want to braid your hair or talk about our hopes and dreams. Sorry.” He rolled his eyes. “I want to know why an ambassador with such little experience was chosen to set up a new embassy with the US’s most important ally.”

“Not that I owe you any sort of explanation,” You sighed. “But from what I understand I was the only one who wanted it. Those ambassadors with more experience don’t want to put in the leg work needed to set up an embassy. They want to go somewhere already established, to bring their wives or mistresses somewhere romantic like Italy or France. Not to mention they aren’t dedicating their spare time to learning about the culture or the people in the nation they're assigned to.”

“And you are?” He raised his eyebrows and sounded surprised.

“You might not think so, but I’m not an idiot.” You huffed. “I’m not going to Wakanda to bring the America way to them. Wakanda’s made more technological, medical, and overall scientific advances in the last decade than we have in the past three. The US needs Wakanda far more than they need us. But it’s my job to make this whole experience feel like a mutual partnership. It’s not something I take on lightly.”

“You know.” James yawned, reaching for his book again. “I’m willing to bet if you gave that exact same speech to the king, that might be all he needs to hear.”

“Thanks for the input.” You huffed sarcastically. “I don’t know why you asked if you were just going to mock my answer.” You looked back at your computer screen.

“I wasn’t trying to mock you.” He said earnestly. “This is a genuine piece of advice, so do with it what you will, but T’Challa would rather you be honest with him. He’s very good at reading people.”

“So he’s just T’Challa to you?” You couldn’t help but smirk. Surely this man wasn’t implying what you thought he was. You looked over at him again. “Are you trying to tell me you’re on a first name basis with the King of Wakanda?”

“As a matter of fact,” He said, turning the page in his book. “I am a close friend of sorts. The royal family really helped me out of a bind a while back.”

“I thought you said you’d only been to Wakanda a few times.” You remembered.

“I said once or twice. I didn’t say for how long. I’m going to back to this now.” He said, pointing at the book.

You weren’t sure if he was bluffing and you weren’t sure if you wanted him to be or not. You thought about spending some time researching James Barnes trying to see if you could verify his story but decided that it would be better to take him at face value. After all, he had no reason to lie to you. Instead you’d sped as much time in the next ten hours as possible reworking your dinner speech and some of your other talks planned for the week. It never hurts to have a backup plan.

Six hours into the flight, Bucky had finished his first book. You’d been tapping away at your keyboard aggressively nearly the entire time. As he read the last sentence on the page and closed the book, he realized you’d gone awfully quiet. His eyes flashed to you, you were sleeping.

It didn’t look like you were sleeping comfortably either. You were still sitting upright, your head lolled to one side. If he left you like that, you’d wake up with a neck cramp and probably be even crabbier than you were before. He picked up a cashmere blanket off one of the vacant seats.

“You’re not so scary when you’re sleeping.” He whispered to himself. He leaned over and saved the document you were working on. He caught a hint of the perfume you were wearing. It smelled like Jasmine and sandalwood. He secured your laptop and reclined your seat ever so gently. The last thing he wanted was to be caught in the act of being nice to you. After ensuring that you were still asleep, you draped the blanket over you before tip toeing back to his own seat.

You awoke with only an hour left of your flight. You stretched your limbs and opened your eyes. You noticed someone had covered you with an incredibly soft blanket. The urge to snuggle up to it and go back to sleep was strong but you still had a lot of work to do. You looked to your right and James was still there, reading his book.

“What time is it?” You yawned.

“Just about three.” He told you.

“Three?” You exclaimed. “You let me sleep for six hours?”

“You looked like you needed a rest.” He explained logically.

“No what I need is…” You stopped yourself. “Look I’m under a lot of pressure to make this work. If you’re planning on being glued to my side for the foreseeable future. You’re going to have to get used to my…”

“Bristly attitude? You don’t have to worry about me. I’ve got thick skin Ma’am.” He said, casting his eyes back to his book.

“You can just call me [Y/N], James.” You told him.

“Buck.” He corrected you. “My friends call me Bucky.”

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes FF #Bucky Barnes Fan Fiction #Reader Insert #Bucky Barnes Fan Fic #Canon Divergent #Bodyguard AU

[kyber-crystal]

Set Up

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~3.3k

Summary: In which the Avengers are relentless in their attempts to get you and Steve together. If this means going great lengths such as sending you off on a mission-disguised romantic getaway to make you realize your feelings for one another, they’ll seize the chance at the very moment it’s presented to them.

Warnings: None. Just tooth-rotting fluff bc I’ve really been needing it ahaha

A/N: Set in an AU 2017 timeline in which they reunite a year after the whole Accords situation so that everyone’s happy :)

"Rogers. Parasite. Stop watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and get up, you need to get to the meeting room ASAP," Tony stated.

"Says the one who leeches off my granola bar supply," you grumbled as you shot him a death glare. "You've been doing this to me since I was a toddler. A helpless, two-year old against a 16 year-old demon always hungry for everyone's food but his own."

"Still holding the Full House cereal incident against me? Geez, woman, do you ever release your grudges against anyone," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Now come on, let's go."

Exchanging a confused look with Steve, you stood up and followed Tony down the hallway to the meeting room, where Fury was with the rest of the team, waiting.

"Captain Rogers, Agent Y/N," Fury nodded curtly. "I presume you know what's going on?"

"No, sir."

"I need you two to track down a group of mercenaries in downtown Tokyo. You'll be flown out commercially so you can maintain a low profile. The whole process should take no longer than ten days," he explained as Natasha handed him the printed out flight details. "Further information will be given to you upon arrival."

"If it's just the two of us, then why is everyone here?" you pointed out.

"Barton and Maximoff will be checking in with you regularly; and if backup is necessary, I will fly one of them out to meet you. If you don't have any more questions, this meeting is now dismissed. You'll be departing late tonight so if I were you, I'd get to packing right about now."

...

Soon enough you were all packed and ready to go. Because you were too lazy to reach back into your suitcase and grab a sweatshirt, you took Steve's Dodgers hoodie and slipped it on, along with a pair of your favorite sweatpants.

"See you in ten days, okay?" Natasha pulled you in for a tight hug. "Make sure to keep Rogers company, it's a long flight. This is also the perfect opportunity to grow closer...literally."

"Oh shut up, Nat," you scoffed. "We're not...you know."

"Sure you aren't."

"Tony, why don't you get some good rest for once," you turned to your brother, "alright?"

"As long as you admit you're in love with Capsicle," he whispered into your ear.

"I can't admit what's not true."

"Yeah yeah, I can't understand bullshit."

"Tony."

"Y/N," he mocked. "Anyway. Have a safe trip, don't die, yada yada yada."

"Yeah yeah, got it."

A few more rounds of goodbyes later, you and Steve were in the elevator with your luggage, heading down to where Phil was waiting to drive you to the airport.

Your flight was scheduled to take off at 1:45 in the morning, and it was close to 11 p.m when you arrived.

"Your tickets, please," the lady asked as you were about to board the plane. You took them out from your purse and handed them over to her. "Thank you."

"How long's the flight again?"

"Uh...about 14 hours. Pretty long," you replied, as you walked down the aisles, looking at the overhead letters for your seat. "24A, 24B...there we go. Wait, have you been to Japan before?"

"No, I haven't."

"You're gonna love it. They have the best, I tell you, best ramen, and curry, hands down. When Nat, Wanda, and I went on our girls' vacation last spring we wouldn't stop eating for two days straight. I know we're tracking down cold-blooded killers and all, but, it won't hurt to let loose a little, you know?"

"Yeah, definitely," Steve couldn't help but smile at how happy you looked while speaking. "You gotta be our tour guide. I'm trusting you'll lead us to the best ramen hotspots?"

"Oh yeah, I will."

After putting your things into the overhead bins, you settled into your seats. The armrest between you could be lifted convert the seats into a double bed, you quickly found out.

Shortly after taking off you felt yourself grow rather tired. Noticing your sleepiness, Steve raised the armrest and pressed the button to make the seats recline backwards, your head immediately falling against his broad chest. He smiled again, brushing stray hairs away from your forehead before pulling the blanket over your bodies and falling asleep as well.

Little did either one of you know, you were being sent off to Japan for a completely different reason that had absolutely nothing to deal with tracking down mercenaries.

...

The smell of food wakes you up several hours later. You stretched your arms up and ran a hand through your hair as you sat up, adjusting your neck pillow.

"Hey uh, how long were we out for?" you asked, voice still thick with sleep. Steve was already awake, in the middle of watching a movie on his TV.

"4 hours. You knocked out for 5. It's time for lunch...or dinner?"

You tapped your screen a few times to pull up the map of your flight's route. "Right now it's 7:30 p.m. in Tokyo. We're arriving at 4:45 in the morning, so I'd say dinner."

"You sleep okay?"

"Hm? Yeah," you yawned, rubbing your eyes and adjusting the sleeves of Steve's hoodie. "You make a good pillow."

"No problem," he chuckled. You then turned to the flight attendant, who handed you your meals.

"Fancy," you nodded in approval as you passed Steve's tray over to him. "First class sure has its perks...oh yes, miso soup."

You binged your way through several episodes of Pretty Little Liars, I Love Lucy, and Star Wars: A New Hope together. Afterwards, you purchased Wi-Fi so you could update the team on your status.

CHATROOM - AVENGERS ASSEMBLE

Natasha: Morning, lovebirds. You guys in the air already?

You: Yeah, we're eating dinner right now. What time is it back home?

Tony: 6:45 a.m. Pulled an all-nighter binge-watching The Office.

Bucky: Totally worth losing an entire night's worth of good sleep.

Y/N: But I still don't get why we couldn't take the Quinjet?

Steve: ^

Rhodey: Do we tell them now, or wait until they land in Haneda?

Wanda: I'd say now.

Pietro: NO NO NO MAKE IT A SURPRISE

Steve: ...What's going on?

Tony: There's no mission.

Y/N: Wait, what? Then what are we going to Tokyo for?

Tony: I purchased a romantic ten-day vacation package so that you two will hopefully realize your feelings for each other along the way. Thank me later.

Y/N: SCREW YOU

Tony: Enjoy eating all the ramen you want!

Natasha: We're so good at matchmaking.

Thor: May I suggest a virtual high-five?

Peter: VIRTUAL HIGH-FIVE :))

Thor: :))

Y/N has left the chat.

Steve has left the chat.

Tony: They're gonna thank me when they see the penthouse I bought.

Tony has left the chat.

"Well, guess we're going on vacation. At least there's more opportunities to eating good food," Steve shrugged.

"Yup." You felt your heartbeat pick up speed at the thought of being alone with him, for ten days, in a country that was considered both futuristic and romantic at the same time. "Plenty of time to eat ramen and sushi."

Deep down, he was glad that there wasn't any mission. And so were you.

You took an hour-long catnap before waking up again and playing a few rounds of Uno with him, then stayed up for the rest of the flight. You both knew you'd regret doing so because of the 13-hour time difference between NYC and Tokyo, but you were too excited to care at that moment.

You were dazed and still slightly tired when you disembarked the aircraft, so you didn't have any energy to question how you and Steve ended up with your fingers intertwined. Besides, you liked the way it felt.

At close to 5 in the morning, Haneda International was relatively quiet and not too busy, so immigration didn't take long. You didn't have to worry about being bombarded by fans, aside from the occasional foreign fan recognizing you two and asking for a quick autograph or picture.

Since you wanted to explore the airport a bit before taking the train downtown, you looked around at the various shops.

Being a former spy alongside Natasha before joining the Avengers, you were fluent in multiple languages, including Japanese, Russian, French, Spanish, and German. And despite having developed the habit of always preparing for what was to come, you were completely shocked hearing a perfect Japanese sentence roll out of Steve's mouth as he spoke to the cashier.

You practically swooned at how smooth his voice sounded.

"Kore wa ikuradesu ka?" He gestured to one of the kokeshi dolls on display dressed in a sapphire colored kimono with cherry blossom embroidery. (How much is this?)

"3500 yen," the lady replied, "Hatsubai-chū, 3000. Kōnyū shimasu ka?" (On sale, 3000. Would you like to buy it?)

"Hai, kōnyū shimasu." (Yes, I'd like to buy it.)

"Kanojo no tame ni?" (For her?)

"Hai." (Yes.)

She nodded, and Steve handed over several folded bills from his wallet after she finished bagging the item.

"Arigato, gokigen'yō," he thanked her. (Thank you, have a nice day)

"Anata modesu," she smiled warmly. (You too)

"Holy crap, you didn't tell me you were fluent in Japanese, Rogers," you gaped as you walked out of the store together. "When did you have the time to learn it?"

"Back during the Pearl Harbor bombing, Buck and I were sent off with the 107th to Hawaii. Figured it'd be useful if we learned a few phrases."

"Few?" you raised an eyebrow at him. "What you just did back there, that was not just a few phrases! That was fluency!"

"What can I say, I pick up on language quickly," he grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. He then handed you the bag with the doll inside. "Here, for you."

"You didn't have to—"

"Consider it my thank-you in advance for taking me to a good eatery," Steve explained.

After grabbing a quick breakfast of coffee and pastries, you took the elevator down to the train station.

You let out a sigh as you sat down, the cool air inside the train loosening the tension in your shoulders a bit. A short fifteen minutes later and you were back in one of your favorite cities in the world.

Steve took a picture of you as you were distracted from looking all around at the skyscrapers and people milling around, face lit up by all the bright and colorful signs, sending it to the chat.

Steve: Just arrived downtown. Got out of the airport half an hour ago.

Tony: Honeymooning Avengers, how cute

Sam: That's hot.

Steve: What time is it over there?

Wanda: We just finished eating lunch. You?

Steve: 7. Going to check into the penthouse. Talk to you guys later.

Wanda: Alright.

Sam: Have fun, lovebirdssssss

Steve has left the chat.

"So," he breathed out as he slipped his hand back into yours and you exited the station, "you ready to go check out where we're staying?"

"Yeah, definitely. You wanna take the subway again, or a taxi?"

"Subway. Actually..taxi. You sound nice when you speak in a foreign language."

"That's the only reason why you want to take a taxi?"

"Yeah, obviously," you scoffed. "I mean, why else?"

"Alright, if you insist," the super-soldier laughed.

A few minutes later, you'd called a taxi over and climbed into the backseat, strapping your seatbelts on.

"Ohayögozaimasu," (Good morning) the man greeted. "Ogenkidesuka?" (How are you) "Īdesu, anata wa?" Steve replied. (Good, and you?)

"Watashi mo jōzudesu. Doko ni ikitai?" (I am good, too. Where would you like to go?)

You looked at your phone, reading out the address of Tony's penthouse to the driver.

A few minutes passed in silence before he spoke up again. "Watashia wa anata-tachi o shitte imasu. Anata wa abenjãzudesu," the driver smiled, glancing at you two from the rearview mirror. (I know you two. You're the Avengers)

"Watashitachidesu," he returned his friendly grin. (We are!)

"Tōkyō ni kuru kikkake wa nanidesu ka?" (What made you come to Tokyo?)

"Chōdo kyūka no tame." (Just for vacation.)

"Nokori no taizai o o tanoshimi kudasai," he said as you were getting out of the car after paying. "Sayonara."

"Sayonara," you and Steve responded before closing the car door behind you.

"Wow," your jaw dropped as you took the elevator up, arriving at the top floor. "Tony actually bought...this...place?"

"Apparently," Steve shrugged, "we could come back and forth between here and the compound as often as we wanted."

The penthouse had a nice, dark aesthetic feel to it, with giant panoramic views of the entirety of Tokyo and modern furniture and spots of dimmed white lights in the ceiling to give off a relaxed vibe.

After unloading your things, you sat down at the giant couch together and decided to plan out the rest of your day.

"When CoCo Curry opens at 11, we can go eat there," you explained as you typed up the plan in a new note. "Tony also snagged us tickets to Tokyo Tower at 3 p.m, so we have a few hours to spare after lunch."

"We can explore the gardens,"  he suggested. "I know you love doing that. There's a botanical garden in Shinjuku we can go to."

"Oh, that one! I didn't have the chance to go last time, so that's perfect," you added 'Shinjuku Gardens' to your list.

Soon enough you had your entire day planned out, and were ready to head out once again.

CoCo Curry was a quaint, little restaurant that hit you with a wave of tantalizing scents as soon as you walked through the doors and sat down at the bar-style seating area where you could watch the chefs cook your food.

"Gonichiwa," you greeted the chef standing behind the counter.

"Gonichiwa," he smiled back. He asked for your orders, and since Steve wasn't sure what to get you had two orders of your favorite dish.

Besides another couple sitting a few seats away, the restaurant was empty so you got your food in under ten minutes. The steaming hot plates of curry rice were set in front of you, and you felt your mouth water as you inhaled the rich aroma.

"This is so good," Steve spoke in between bites. "I'm literally in love."

"Told you I knew my stuff."

You eventually finished eating, and after getting into a small argument with Steve over who would pay (He ended up winning). "It's payback for ordering me good eats," he explained.

"You said that when you bought me the kokeshi doll," you pointed out.

"Still."

This time you decided to go by foot instead of taking the taxi, as the gardens were only a half-hour or so walk from where you were.

"Right in the middle of cherry blossom season," you sighed as the sweet smell of cherries drifted through the air. "Perfect timing."

You walked around the entire place, stopping every so often to admire the various colorful plants or look up at the pastel pink cherry blossom trees, gravel crunching underfoot with each step you took.

The mid-April breeze lightly fanned your hair around your shoulders. Birds chirped out a delightful melody, flying around the cornflower-blue sky. It wasn't too hot or too cold, and that was one of the many things you loved about visiting Asia during the springtime; the weather was bearable, compared to New York City's below-freezing temperatures in winter. You vividly remembered visiting the botanical gardens in upstate New York on a school trip once, and from then on you'd grown attached.

In the centre of the garden was a large lake with flowering lily pads and on the other side of the bank stood a quaint little temple, with a wooden bridge across the middle so visitors could cross over and look at the koi below.

"It's beautiful here," Steve commented as you made your way down the sidewalk, "I wish they had places like this back home."

"Yeah it is, isn't it," you breathed out, unable to tear your eyes away from the lovely sights. "I could do this all day."

"Hey, that's my line," he joked. You chuckled quietly, slipping your hand into his. He laced your fingers together in response, and you felt the butterflies flutter around in your stomach again the longer he held on, and those butterflies turned into hummingbirds as you looked up to meet his piercing gaze.

You're not sure how long you stay like that, gazing into each others' eyes, but it's only when a little girl stops and asks to take a picture that you pull away.

"Captain America and Agent Y/N!" Judging by her looks, she seemed like she came from the US as well. "Can I get a picture with you guys?"

"Of course, sweetie," you smiled. You brushed off the weird feeling you got when your skin made contact with Steve's, and gestured for her to come closer.

Steve scooped the girl up into his arms as she held your hand, and the mother snapped a few quick pictures before he let her back down.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed before skipping away.

At 2:20 you decided to leave and head out to the Tokyo Tower early so you would be avoiding any possible long lines. You were up at the observation deck within twenty minutes.

"This is just....wow," you breathed out, in awe of the breathtaking view you got as you stared out the panoramic windows, the reflective walls casting thin rays of light onto your faces.

If you thought the view from your penthouse was nice, this was a hundred times better. You had almost nothing preventing you from being able to see the entire city in all directions. The sun was hanging high in the sky, the skyscrapers piercing the horizon like pins and needles.

Steve couldn't help but let his gaze linger on you, the way your face brightened up at the sight of Tokyo's stunning view, the way you laughed and smiled more than you ever did back home. It was a rare sight, and he wished he could see you in this state more often. Oh, the things he'd do to keep hearing your musical laugh and million-dollar smile.

...

The next day was jam-packed with activities. You took a two hour train ride down south to Osaka, exploring the cup noodles museum, shopping downtown in Dotonbori, and stuffing yourself with delicious pastries along the way. Before you headed back, you decided to stock up on groceries at the local market. 

You fell asleep almost as soon as your head hit the pillow that night, waking up to somehow finding yourself in Steve’s arms. You both woke up at the same time, confused as to how you had gotten yourselves into this position, but were too embarrassed and tired to ask. 

This time, you decided to stay within Tokyo, immersing yourselves in going to as many districts as you could and doing as much as possible. 

After a long day exploring the city, you were rather exhausted. With a cup of freshly brewed matcha in hand, you stayed quiet for a while as you soaked in the scenery, watching the city come alive late at night.

When Steve woke up from his nap a few hours later, he found you standing by the window. Smiling to himself, he got up, approaching you and wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin atop your head.

"Hi," you greeted, setting your mug down on the coffee table besides you.

"Hey," he murmured into your ear. You closed your eyes and hummed quietly in response, letting your bodies rock back and forth to the rhythm of your steady heartbeats together.

"Watashi wa, anata o aishiteimasu," (I love you.)

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. "Watashi mo anata o aishitemasu, Cap." (I love you too, Cap.)

You stepped away so you could turn around to face him, and he pulled you back towards him and pressed his lips to yours.

He couldn't help but smile into the kiss, pulling you closer against him.

#avengers imagines #steve rogers x reader #avengers x reader #captain america imagine #captain america x reader #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #captain america one shot #captain america fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction

[lady-divine-writes]

Klaine Advent Drabble 2020 - “Up in the Air” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Kurt is heartbroken after his plans for a romantic Christmas with Blaine are demolished when he gets locked into a flight he'd been trying to switch. Blaine reassures him that it will be okay, that they'll have their romantic celebration when Kurt's feet are back on the ground. But is Blaine possibly hiding a secret that just might sweep Kurt off his feet? (1638 words)

Notes: Written for the @klaineadvent Drabble Challenge 2020 prompt 'join'.

Read on AO3.

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!” Kurt grumbles, rushing down the corridor that leads to his gate with his carry-on in tow and his heart pounding, trying to give off the impression that he’s not rushing.

Appearance is everything in the flight attendant game.

He was supposed to get an hour sit before this flight, but the one he was on was late by close to forty-five minutes! He has roughly a minute-and-a-half to reach his destination, covering the distance of two football fields, and that’s not the crappiest part of his day.

“Pick up pick up pick up pick up! Blaine! Ugh!” 

This is the fifth time he’s tried to get a hold of his boyfriend to tell him the bad news. Try his hardest, he couldn’t trade this flight out for one that leaves after the holiday.

His plans to join Blaine for a romantic Christmas have officially been canceled. 

“Pick up pick up pick up pick up,” he chants as he checks in with security and heads for the boarding area. 

“You’re late,” his friend Monica teases.

“I had three seconds to make it here from the complete other side of the airport,” he replies with a forced smile for the waiting passengers. The flight attendants can get away with making snide remarks as long as they keep a smile on their faces.

“At least you did it in flats!"

"Wah wah wah," Kurt teases back, giving Blaine’s number one last try before he'll need to turn off his phone and stow it away for the duration.

He's in for a long night - a soul-crushing series of flights, each one taking him farther and farther away from the man he loves.

Finally, Blaine picks up. 

“Hey! Kurt! I was hoping you’d call!”

He sounds eager, Kurt thinks. Shit! “Hey.”

“Are you okay? It sounds like you've been running.”

“I have.” Kurt stops in the crook of the tunnel, out of sight from both doorways, to catch his breath. He has one precious minute before he has to perform his pre-flight checks with the crew. And here he is, spending it breaking a wonderful man’s heart. “Look …” He squeezes his eyelids tight, on the verge of frustrated tears “… I’m sorry, Blaine. It’s not going to happen.”

A moment of confused silence. Then realization. “Oh, no! Shoot!”

“I warned you there was a four percent chance it actually would. It’s impossible to make plans over the holidays. It would have taken a miracle.”

“Yes, but, Christmas is the time for miracles.”

“I know, I know,” Kurt says in a shaky voice. “Don’t make me feel worse than I already do.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Blaine says in a soothing voice. “I understand.”

“I know you do.” Kurt sniffles, pulling a handkerchief from his inside jacket pocket and dabbing under his eyes before they can get puffy. “It’s just … I know how I am. I’m the clingy, jealous type. I want to see you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I don’t want you to resent my work. Or me.”

“Kurt, I could never resent you! I knew what I was getting into. This is one trip you couldn’t switch, and I understand why. This is just a hiccup. That’s all.”

“A hiccup on one of the most important holidays of the year.”

“There will be plenty of time after the holiday rush for us to spend together. I’ll see you soon. We’ll lie in bed together, hold each other in our arms, and it will be better again. You’ll see.”

Kurt nods in response even though Blaine can’t see. “I’m trusting you.”

“I appreciate that.”

Kurt hears footsteps hurry down the ramp, Monica whispering, “Hurry up, Kurt! We have to go!” as she passes. He watches her disappear around the corner and onto the plane. He sighs. “I love you, Blaine.”

“I love you, too. Have a good flight.”

“I will,” Kurt chokes out, blowing a kiss into the phone. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

Kurt hangs up and shoves the phone into his pocket. He grabs the handle of his carry-on and continues on his way. Halfway down the ramp, his phone buzzes in his pocket. Before he even takes it out to check it, he knows it’s a message from Blaine.

He should have waited until he got on the plane where there’s a bathroom to duck into because it unravels him more than he is.

I love you, Kurt. And I’m pretty sure I always will.

***

Kurt doesn’t want to be here.

He doesn’t want to be flying over Miami on Christmas Eve. 

Not when he has a sexy man at home waiting to see him again.

Kurt loves his job. He really does. 

He stumbled into it unexpectedly. It was supposed to be a stop-gap while he worked his way to Broadway - something to pad his bank account, keep food in his belly, and a roof over his head while he got to experience life, hone his craft. And even though he's held on to his dreams of Broadway fame, this job stuck. He has never regretted a single flight in his entire career …

… until this one.

God, what he wouldn’t give to be at home right now, watching cheesy movies on Lifetime, snuggled in Blaine’s arms!

Kurt doesn’t pay much attention to the passengers as he maneuvers the beverage service down the aisle, dishing out Diet Cokes and mini bottles of vodka and Crown Royal. He makes eye contact, nods and smiles, but that's it. He can perform this part of his job on autopilot, has perfected the art of appearing engaged while, in his mind, he goes over notes for an audition or takes a stab at writing his memoirs. 

He knows the bare minimum about the passengers on this side of the plane from the things they let slip out of excitement or need - an older lady flying to see her daughter for the first time in ten years, an unaccompanied minor, a row of sorority sisters on a holiday excursion. Everyone is mellow, polite when he stops to ask them what they want from the cart. But there’s always one clown in the bunch.

And Kurt finds his sitting in Row 27, Seat E.

“Soda?” Kurt asks. “Coffee? Tea?”

“A medium drip, please? Or maybe a flat white?”

“A-ha. That's one coffee black for you,” Kurt says, his tone chipper, but sharp around the edges, barely glancing at the man as he hands over his drink. 

"Perfect. Thank you, Kurt."

"You're very welcome." Kurt internally groans when the man uses his name. The airline requires all customer-facing employees to wear a name tag for passenger comfort "in a time of need" (or so says the employee literature). In this age of social media, it's used more by the Karens of the world to flame what they consider 'inappropriate conduct' without impunity. All claims are thoroughly investigated, and require passenger and employee corroboration before disciplinary action is taken. But it's gotten to the point that he doesn't Google his name and the name of his airline in the same sentence anymore. 

It keeps him sane.

Kurt doesn't mind passengers knowing his name.

Just so long as they never use it.

But this man said Kurt's name like he owns it, and that Kurt doesn't appreciate. Not from strangers.

Kurt's eyes flicker up once it hits him.

He knows that voice. 

But how in the hell can it be here?

'I'm projecting,' he thinks. 'I miss my boyfriend, I wish that he was here, but he's not here. No. I'm not going to look at the occupant of this seat and see ...'

“Blaine?” Kurt stares at 27E perplexed. It is him! Unless there's been a gas leak the pilot hasn't told them about yet, Blaine is sitting right there, looking as adorable as ever! Maybe more so, his smile bright and goofy with his master plan revealed. “Blaine!”

“Well, well, well ...” Blaine turns in his seat, attempting a casual recline against the rigid armrest, masking the pain on his face when its sharp edge digs into his back. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I didn’t know you’d be …! Wha---when did you even get a ticket?”

“A few days ago. Your friend Monica helped me with the details. I had to grease a lot of wheels, seeing as most holiday flights were already packed, but I’m on every one of your connections. I figured we can spend your layover together.”

“And what if I had managed to get the time off?”

“I would probably be out close to a few thousand bucks, but it was a chance I was willing to take.” Blaine tilts his head down so he can look coyly up at Kurt through long, thick lashes. “Are you surprised?”

“Yes! I … I don’t know what to say!”

“Say that you love me," Blaine says sincerely. "Say that you’ll have a little more faith in me.”

“I do have faith in you. It’s just sometimes … I don’t have all that much faith in myself. In my overall appeal.”

“Well, your overall appeal is so strong, I spent a small fortune to take this journey with you.” Blaine chuckles when he notices they’ve garnered attention from other passengers, wondering what happened to the drink cart but watching quietly to see the drama unfold. “So why don’t we enjoy the journey? See where it takes us?”

Kurt grins, his cheeks burning when the sorority sisters occupying the seats behind Blaine awww, and the older woman claps.

Kurt rolls his eyes when other passengers join in. 

Only at Christmas, he thinks.

Then again, isn't this what he wanted?

His cheesy Lifetime movie?

His improbable Christmas miracle?

Kurt smiles. “That sounds like a plan.”

#klaine advent 2020 #klaine advent: join #klaine fanfiction #klaine fic #klaine

[i-stan-nct-and-satan]

Not Broken (Jaehyun Mafia AU pt2)

Not Broken Masterlist

Jaehyun X Reader

Y/N is a burlesque dancer living in Seoul. Jaehyun is one of the most powerful mafia men in Seoul. How will Y/N survive when Jaehyun suspects that she is involved with a rival gang?

Reasons to read this story: Ten's a cross-dressing madam so..... yeah read it ya freaks.

A/N: Just letting you know that the trigger warning does spoil the ending so if you want to ignore it, the trigger warning will be below the keep reading part, but AFTER the gif. Also Jaehyun still isn’t in this chapter, but he will be in part 3. 

Trigger warning: violence, mentions of abuse, drugging, forced kissing, murder death. 

I was the last one out of the room. After the scream occurred, I was able to witness the situation without anyone commenting on my presence. Yuta even left without any last flirtatious remarks or teasing comments. I didn't know if I felt relieved by this, or disappointed. Sure, his words felt slimy, but there was something about him that gave me a strange feeling that I didn't quite know how to describe, like he gave my heart whiplash.

Snap out of it. These are dangerous men. The less you interact with them the better. You just have to get through tonight and then you can go home and forget all about NCT.

As I walked out of the room, I caught my image in a nearby mirror. The light in the room was hitting my necklace perfectly, causing it to almost glow spectacularly. I stopped to examine the piece of jewelry. Its green color was so vibrant that it almost clashed with the gold theme of my costume.

Maybe I should take it off for the show.

I took off the necklace, taking notice of the clasp. The clasp was silver which told me that Jungwoo didn't fixed the clasp but replaced it, probably with a spare clasp from his extensive jewelry collection.

I looked in the mirror at my reflection.

My face has changed so much from that night, I guess it's only fair that the necklace changes too, but if the broken necklace could be repaired, then....maybe I could....

I shake the thought from my mind and pour myself a drink from the Madam's personal collection. Whiskey, straight.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 

Flashback:

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 

"Pretty, isn't it?"

It was three years ago. I had just turned 18. I was living alone on the streets on an expired visa. I had moved to Seoul to study but when my parents passed away in a car accident, I had no one to help me or support me financially. I couldn't even afford the plane ticket to attend their funeral. I had no other relatives besides my older brother, but after their death, he took the inheritance money and disappeared, leaving me nothing but alone.

So here I was dirty from sleeping in alley; hungry from having only thrown away food to eat; tired from running from police; at a sleazy bar getting caught trying to pickpocket a man whom I had wrongly assumed would be too drunk to notice.

I was desperate for anything that could buy me food or get me a night in a motel so that I could shower off some of the grime, but instead of money or a wallet, I found a necklace. Well, I thought I did until the man caught me.

"Is it not?" The man had grabbed me by the arm that I used to take the necklace, holding me in place, preventing my escape. He was dangling the necklace in front of both our faces. I stayed silent and avoided looking at his face.

"What? Do you not think so? If you didn't think that it was pretty, then why would you try to take it?"

I don't respond.

"Why won't you look at me? I don't bite," The man chuckled.

Why is he laughing? Is he not mad?

I turned to face him and realized how close his face is to mine. On top of that I noticed how strikingly handsome he was. I was crawling on the floor when I attempted to reach into the seated man's pocket, so I didn't see his face. I had assumed that in a bar like this, filled with prostitutes, gangsters and other unsightly characters, that he would have been another old drunk, but no. The man leaning down from his chair to face me didn't look like anyone I had ever seen before.

He looked like he was in his mid-twenties. His hair was a mixture of chocolate brown and blonde highlights. It looked so fluffy that I had to remind myself that I couldn't just reach out and touch it. His eyebrows were perfectly straight with some flaring near the centers. His jawline was both sharp and soft in a way that only those who saw it could understand how it was possible. He had a small silver loop earring in each of his ears that only further pointed out the perfect symmetry within his face, but what really made his looks stand out were his eyes. Two big beautiful dark brown eyes that were staring...well, staring at me, awaiting a response.

The man sighed before speaking again.

"Sit with me."

I look at him puzzled.

He kept staring at me, not releasing his grip on my arm.

"Well it's been a long day for me and I was hoping that tonight would be better, but it appears as though I don't have anyone to drink with tonight."

I look down at his hand on my arm.

“You want me to sit with you?” I asked in surprise.

"What? You don't want to?"

I turned to look away.

"Well..." The man says as he points to a nearby bartender. 

"If you want, I could bring you over to that bartender over their and tell him about how me met. I also have a feeling that on top of that, you probably aren't old enough to be here."

He looks back at me and notices my sudden nervousness. 

"Now how about instead of going through the mess of recounting the beginning of tonight to the police, something that I would love to avoid myself, you come have a drink with me and we forget all about earlier. The choice it yours."

He finally releases his grip on my arm only to move it to my hand, helping me onto my feet. He stands up to and pulls out the chair in front of him, gesturing for me to sit, which I hesitatingly did.

It was a bar, but we were at a table in a corner far off from the rest of the bar's clientele.

"Now I'm drinking whiskey, but maybe you aren't a whiskey type of girl, so what would you like to drink?"

Before I had the chance to even think about whether I wanted to respond or not, my stomach did for me, releasing the world's loudest growl. I quickly looked down in embarrassment.

The man laughed to himself.

"Cute," he comments under his breath.

I felt like my face just became at least ten degrees hotter and I could only imagine how red it was. Here I was, dressed in dirty torn clothing with visible dirt on my face in front of a man who I had just noticed was wearing a suit that probably cost enough money to pay to have a man murdered.

He waves at the bartender who rushes to the table almost too hurriedly.

Why did the bartender rush over to our table when there is a visible line at the bar itself?

I made eye contact with the bartender who seems to be having the same thoughts I was earlier about the well-dressed man and my contrasting appearance. This only made the embarrassment within me grow sevenfold.

"I'll have another whiskey, straight and for the lady, a hamburger with French fries, and a bramble."

"Umm... we don't have a kitchen here," The bartender responded.

"Did I ask anything about what this bar has or doesn't have?" Lucas glared at the bartender who seemed to be having an active panic attack.

"N-No of course you didn't. I'll have it right away, sir," The man rushed to another bartender, whispered something to him, then left the bar.

"Now that we've ordered, let me introduce myself. I'm Wong Yukhei, but I would prefer it if you called me Lucas.”

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 

"You don't talk much do you?" Lucas said as he watched me not so gracefully scarf down the last of the french fries on my plate.

The burger tasted so amazing. It was the first time I had eaten in two days and I wanted more. The bartender had picked it up from some restaurant and brought it to our table in less than 10 minutes which, I don't know how that's possible since it probably takes longer than that to make a burger let alone drive to get it and back.

After realizing my messy behavior, I sheepishly looked away from the sharply dressed man sitting in front of me.

"It's okay." Lucas took out a handkerchief and reached over the table to wipe some crumbs off my face.

"Now that I told you my name, would you tell me yours?"

I look up at him and met his gaze.

"Y/N."

"That's a pretty name, Y/N." He responds as he moves to retrieve something from his pocket.

"So, tell me Y/N," He opens his hand to let the necklace fall only for the chain to catch on his ring finger.

"Why on earth were you trying to steal this?"

I can feel tears rising but I force them to stay put. I can't break down in front of a stranger.

"I-I'm s-sorry I-I,"

"It's okay. Take your time." He encouraged.

I try to take a deep breath but it falters.

"I didn't know what else to do. I have no money and no one to ask for help so I thought-"

He cuts me off.

"So, you thought you'd steal this necklace and what? Pawn it off to make a quick buck?"

"I didn't mean to, I was just trying to look for money. The necklace.... Umm I wasn't trying to-"

He cut me off again.

"Just looking for money? Like that is any more forgivable."

He was right. A single tear slid down my face only to be quickly soaked up by the same handkerchief used to clean the crumbs off my face.

"I'm sorry I've upset you. Let me make it up to you." He says soothingly.

I looked up at him. The confusion in my face must have been apparent since he started to elaborate.

"Listen, I'm the kind of man who has no use for things like this." He says referring to the necklace.

"But a beautiful woman like yourself...well, I'd love to see what it looks like resting around your neck."

I don't say anything.

"What? Do you not want it? Is it not to your liking?"

I quickly spoke.

"No, it's not that. It's beautiful. It's just that I don't think I'm the type of person who could ever wear something as valuable as that."

"Hmmm. Well I suppose you're right."

My heart drops. No, it shatters.

"But only because of the state that you are in."

Lucas lifts up my chin with his thumb and index finger as if to examine me.

"Tell you what," He starts. "Let me take you home, get you a nice shower and a new change of clothes, then we can see if the necklace will suit you then."

"W-Why would you do that for me?" I ask cautiously.

"Let's just say it's my way of thanking you for your company tonight. Plus, it will ease my mind to know that you'll be safe with me."

"O-Okay," I agree.

He stands up and takes off his coat wrapping it around my shoulders. He then gestures for me to follow him as he begins to walk towards the exit.

As soon as we exit the bar, we are met by a man wearing a chauffeur’s hat.

"This way please." Lucas says as the chauffeur opens the door of a sleek black car with heavily tinted windows.

I hesitate for a split second before realizing that I could either get in or sleep on the streets again. I chose the former.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

The car ride was silent. The entire time I watched as Lucas fiddled with the brilliant emerald stone.

When we arrived, the Chauffer opened the door of the vehicle, letting us out. I looked at where we were and realized that Lucas had taken me to a huge mansion. My mouth opened in surprise as Lucas grabbed my hand and escorted me inside. I did't know who Lucas was but he sure was well off.

"Let me show you where the restroom is so that you can shower. Oh, and leave your clothes outside the door." Lucas instructs.

"Why?" I ask.

Lucas laughs as if the answer were obvious.

"So that the maids can see your size and pick something out that will fit you. Don't worry. I'll make sure they pick up something for you to wear before you're done with your shower."

After Lucas showed me the bathrooms, I began to take off my clothes, examining them before placing them outside as I was instructed.

I was wearing a ripped grey hoodie covered with stains, the source of which was unknown to me. I had found it in the garbage of a salvation army store. Apparently, it was too wrecked of a donation for even them to accept. My jeans were from before my parent's incident, but they were worn down and covered with holes. Not to mention that they were way too baggy due to my massive weight loss, so I held them up with some old shoelaces I had turned into a makeshift belt.

Stepping into the shower, I turned on the water and a cold icy stream attacked my skin.

I guess it's been so long since I've taken a shower that I forgot the water has to warm up, first.

I began scrubbing every inch of my skin, taking advantage of the wide array of body soaps I found in the bathroom cabinets.

The hot water helped to ease the pain in my muscles caused by sleeping on nothing but cardboard sheets for longer than I would like to remember.

After turning off the water, I dried myself with the fluffiest towel I think I had ever felt before in my life.

Did towels always feel this soft? Or is it because he's so wealthy that he can afford these types of things?

With the towel wrapped around my body I opened the door slightly as not to expose myself, then felt around for a fresh set of clothing.

Nothing.

I opened the door a little wider hoping that I just wasn't able to find them at first.

Still nothing.

I walked outside the bathroom and quickly glanced around. Once again I searched, not being able to find any clothes, noticing that my original clothes were also no where in site.

Maybe they are just taking a little longer than they originally thought.

After deciding that that was the reason why there were no new clothes for me to change into, I turned to go back into the bathroom before being stopped by a familiar voice.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I stopped in my tracks. My mind felt like it should be racing but no thoughts were forming. My heart felt heavy in my chest and all of a sudden, the energy in the room became... hostile.

"I asked you a question."

I slowly turned my body towards the deep husky voice, making sure that my towel was still covering my waifish body.

I hadn't realized before when I had entered, but the bathroom was connected to a bedroom. Examining the bedroom, I noticed that everything in the room had a masculine yet tasteful vibe to it. The décor was mostly made up of light greys, whites, and blacks with the occasional burgundy detailing. Overall the room was spotless, with not a single piece of furniture or knick-knack out of place. It almost looked as if I were looking at a picture in a magazine.

The bedroom was just as, if not more impressive than the first room I had seen while Lucas had ushered me inside the great estate. The contrasting sizes between the two rooms had me wondering if I entered the house through a door other than the front.

Perhaps Lucas had brought me into the house through the servant's room, but no, that wouldn't make sense because there were no servants inside of the room. In fact, besides the chauffeur, who had barely shot a glance my way was the only servant I had seen. There had to be other servants. This house is way too big for Lucas to upkeep by himself, and it wasn't like he couldn't afford the help. He did mention that the maids would be out picking up new clothes for me to wear, but that job shouldn't take more than two people to accomplish. So, where was everybody?

Looking around the room, my eyes looked everywhere, studying every inch and corner of the room except for the source of the voice, which my eyes purposely avoided. Despite my best efforts not to, within my peripheral vision, I could see a shirtless Lucas lying on the bed with his arms propping him up so he could face me.

"Y/N, What's wrong? Why won't you look at me?" Lucas inquired as his lifted his body up into a proper sitting position.

"I-I um... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to walk in on you while you were changing." I answered, knowing full well that the shirtless man in front of me was not in any hurry to put on a new shirt.

Oh no. What is he trying to pull?

My mind started cursing itself.

Of course, this is what would happen. There is no reason why any stranger would actually want to help you just for the sake of it. God! Why am I so fucking stupid? This is all my fault. I don't fucking deserve to be seen as anything more than an object. Fuck! Get it together. How are you going to get out of this?

Tears started to stream down my face, but I was too distracted by my thoughts to notice.

"Hey. Why are you crying?" Lucas got up from the bed and started to approach me.

I froze.

No! Not now Y/N! You can't freeze now; you have to get out of here!

With each footstep Lucas took towards me, my mind drifted off farther and farther.

Why can't I think? Why can't I move? Why can't... I.... Why can't...

Soon my thoughts got patchier and patchier, almost as if my soul were leaving my body.

My mind went bank and all emotions had left my body. No, all feeling had left my body until....

I felt something silky on my face.

"Now, now. Pretty girls like you shouldn't cry."

It was Lucas. He was wiping the tears off of my face with a handkerchief different than the one before.

I looked down at it. It was a solid baby blue color. Based on its soft texture and shiny color, I deducted that it was made of either silk or satin, with silk being the more likely option due to the owner's obviously vast wealth.

I looked up at the tall male.

"I'm sorry," He said looking sheepishly. "I guess I just assumed that since you were from the United States, that you would be comfortable with a man taking his shirt off in front of you."

He looked down at your towel covered body.

"Please excuse me. You see I'm not in the best mindset for making logical choices right now." He said raising a glass of scotch to his mouth as if hinting that his intoxication was to blame for his actions.

"I'm such an Idiot. You did tell me that you have been living in Seoul for a while now, so you must be used to our conservative style choices. Let me grab you something of mine to change into while we wait for the maids to get back."

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He added while heading towards his closet. "Make yourself comfortable!"

The tension I had been holding within my muscles finally started to diminish as I walked back into the bathroom.

Great, I just had to go and overreact. There is no way that someone like him would want someone like me, even if for just one night. Why did I have to assume the worst? He could have anyone he wanted, so why would I think he would want to force me into... well... that.

I definitely must have made him feel uncomfortable. He's likely thinking of ways that he can make me leave quicker by giving me his clothes instead of waiting for the maids to return. God, why am I like this?

I looked at myself in the mirror as I removed the towel. I looked over my body, inspecting the slightly protruding bones that were caused by months of starving. I noticed the large purple bruises on my sides, brought about from sleeping on cement alleyway streets.

Although the shower had washed away weeks of built up grime and dirt, I was still this pathetic looking beggar.

Why would anyone want this body? Especially him.

"This might be a little big on you but- Y/N? Where did you go?"

I re-wrapped my body in the towel and exited the bathroom to be greeted by Lucas, holding up a thin, but large grey hoodie.

"Oh! There you are. Now I don't really have any pants that would really fit you, but I do have this hoodie, and I'm pretty sure it will fit like a dress on you. Is that okay?"

I looked up at the hoodie and nodded. I still didn't feel very confident speaking to the aristocratic man standing in front of me, but when a slight frown sprouted on his lips, I made an effort.

"It's perfect. Thank you."

I grabbed the hoodie that was being handed to me and returned to the bathroom to change. The hoodie was still a little short on me, but I didn't want to complain to the man who was doing more to help me than I could ever reasonably expect.

I walked back into the bedroom to see a now fully dressed Lucas.

Instead of the designer suit he was previously wearing, he was now dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and grey slacks.

"I hope this outfit makes you a little less uncomfortable." Lucas chuckled as his eyes grazed over my exposed legs.

I looked down, not knowing the appropriate response.

"Come on, lets make us some drinks, shall we?" Lucas walked over to me and placed a hand on my waist, his other hand already holding a new glass of scotch.

<><><><><><><><><>

Together, we walked out of the bedroom into the hallway and eventually down a flight of stairs. The staircase looked like one of those that you see in movies where descends into a swirling pattern. It wasn't a grand staircase, but it still reeked of opulence. Despite walking for almost ten minutes throughout the house, I had still not seen a single other living soul within it. The lavish staircase led us down to what I could only infer was the estate's wine cellar.

The walls were either all made of wood or stone. Although it was extremely classy, it almost resembled the dungeons you would imagine as a kid reading bedtime stories. There were shelves upon shelves, fully stocked with wines and other liquors of every color. I noticed numbers adorning each shelve insinuating which year each bottle came from. I had unknowingly started playing a game with myself where I tried to spot the oldest bottle I could. I had just laid my eyes on a bottle filled with an amber liquid from 1903.

"I see you have great taste," Lucas said as he reached over to the bottle.

"It's a Chinese liquor called Baijiu. Normally Baijiu is clear, but this bottle is 116 years old, so the fermentation process has gone on for much longer than most other bottles," Lucas explained.

"Sadly, this is the only bottle that is off limits for tonight," He sighed putting the bottle back on the shelf.

"Why?" I asked. "I mean, not that I want to drink it, it's just that I'm curious... I mean not that I wouldn't want to drink it, I'm sure that it is a great liquor. No, I mean the best liquor."

Lucas starts to chuckle as I metaphorically try my best to stick my foot into my mouth.

"Y/N, I know what you are trying to say. You should relax more."

He walked over to a bottle of already opened gin and removed the cork letting out a popping sound similar to that of a new bottle. Then he walked over to a new shelf and grabbed an unopened vodka bottle. I watched him walk over to a small bar in the corner of the room, waiting for a response to my earlier question.

Lucas looked up at me and as if he was reading my mind. 

"I'll tell you the story behind that bottle on one condition."

I tilted my head expectantly.

"Do you know how to make a vodka martini and a gin and tonic?"

My brows furrowed at the sudden change of topic and Lucas let out a hearty laugh.

"If you mix the drinks, I'll tell you the story."

I walked up to join him at the bar and looked down at the ingredients at the bar. Although I didn't know the exact recipe for a vodka martini, I reasoned that the ingredients Lucas set on the table that weren't featured in a gin and tonic probably were what went into a vodka martini.

"Okay. Deal," I agreed.

"Good!" Lucas beamed. "I'm personally not in the mood for a gin and tonic myself, but I believe that you'll enjoy this gin immensely."

As I got started making the vodka martini, Lucas began to tell me about the bottle of Baijiu.

"Although I have been living in South Korea since 2015, I'm actually from Hong Kong."

"So, you're Chinese?" I was surprised that this man was actually Chinese despite his Korean skills being so advanced.

"Kind of. My Father is from Hong Kong and my mother is Thai," He continued.

"Sadly, my mother left our family when I was at a very young age."

"Why? If you don't mind me asking," I pressed.

"Well you see, my father was an established member of the Chinese mafia and she just couldn't handle the violence that came with his lifestyle, so she ran away, leaving me to be raised by him alone."

A gasp escaped my lips.

A mafia member? Is that where all of this wealth came from?

Lucas continued. "Yes, he was a member of NCT 116, the subgroup of NCT based in Hong Kong. Actually, he was the leader of the subgroup."

I was so captivated by Lucas' story that I hadn't realized that I had accidentally poured gin into his vodka tonic instead of vodka. In a last-ditch effort to resolve my mistake, I poured and extra short of vodka into the mixture.

After pouring the drink into a traditional style martini glass, I handed the drink to Lucas, who was too into his own story to notice the cocktail’s altered recipe.

After taking an enthusiastic swig of his drink, Lucas continued his story while I decided to start on the gin and tonic.

"My father raised me to take over the family business. Despite not wanting anything to do with the mafia, due to it being the reason my mother abandoned me, I did everything my father asked of me. I studied business. I learned how to fight. I made personal relationships with many of our benefactors. My father did everything in his power to make sure that I knew everything I needed to know about even the tiniest details that caused his business to run smoothly." Lucas looked at me and paused.

After looking at me for a few moments, and me staring back at him, he quickly finished his drink.

"I think that that was the best... Hiccup...martini I have ever had. Would you make me another? After you finish making your own drink of course."

I looked down at the glass that I had just poured tonic water into. I hadn't actually added the gin yet, but I realized that I probably shouldn't be drinking anything since I still wasn't sure if Lucas was going to allow me to stay the night and I really didn't want to be intoxicated while out on the streets.

I started making Lucas another vodka/gin martini without telling him about my decision to sober up. My reasoning being that I did not want to be rude and outwardly deny his drink offering.

"Where was I? Hiccup...Ahh yes. So, everything was going great until one day a job went wrong. NCT 116 and NCT 127's main insiders were teaming up for a gun smuggling job. The name of the operation was NCT U. Normally this type of thing would be just a routine job for NCT116, but this time we were smuggling twice our usual supply and we were smuggling from Hong Kong into Seoul, which made things a little more risky, hence the team up."

I handed Lucas the new vodka/gin martini and he clinked his booze filled glass with my tonic water filled one.

"I don't know why I'm telling you all of this," He chuckled.

"I normally don't share this kind of information with my guests," Lucas admited, as we cheersed our two glasses.

I looked down at my drink wondering the same thing. For some reason I wasn't scared of Lucas despite his past ties to the mafia, the possibility that he still was tied to them made me a little nervous, but the kindness that he had been showing me this evening almost completely erased my worries.

"This job required NCT 116 to physically smuggle the weaponry into South Korean territory using fishing boats while NCT 127 was to pull the ropes backstage and allow my father's group to proceed without having to worry about any surprise searches... Hiccup! The plan was to disguise themselves as fisherman so they carried the weapons in crates filled with salmon. This way, if anyone were to open one of the crates, they would see the fish, and would hopefully be turned off from searching the contents thoroughly...Hiccup!" Lucas says as he takes another sip of his martini.

"How did it go wrong?" My curiosity was stronger than my previous feelings of anxiety.

Lucas looked down at his drink and scoffed heavily.

"What went wrong was that that SM son of a bitch, fucked us over."

Lucas must have seen the confusion on my face because after a short pause, he started to elaborate.

"You see, SM was the former leader of NCT and all of its subgroups. He didn't technically belong to any of the groups, but he financed, organized and therefore controlled the groups." Lucas set his half empty drink down and walked over to a chair gesturing for me to sit in a second chair close to his.

After I sat myself down, he began his story again.

"Since you've lived in Seoul for a good amount of time, you surely know that South Korea and China don't have the best relations."

I nodded. There was a lot of racism and discrimination against the Chinese that was so prevalent in South Korea that even non-Chinese foreigners could spot it.

"Well SM was one of the worst when it came to his opinions on the group's nationality."

"But, why would he organize a Chinese group if he was so.....you know."

Lucas smiled at my inquiry.

"Well you see, that's...Hiccup!... the thing. SM might have hated the Chinese, but this man was so money hungry that he was willing to put aside his racism just so that he could tap into the Chinese market." He got up from his chair and walked over to the bar and started making a new drink despite his still being half full on the table next to him. "Unfortunately for us, he still had no problem showing favoritism."

I curiously look over at Lucas' hands and see that he's making a gin and tonic and realize that he is probably making it for me.

"During the mission, there was a huge fuck up and one of the NCT 127 members found himself chickening out. It was one of the newer recruits. A young boy, only 14 years old. The same age I was at the time." He let out a sigh as if he felt sorry for the boy.

"Basically he was supposed to stand watch at the docks and quietly dispose of anyone who entered the guard check station that wasn't supposed to be there. The only problem was that this kid had never been on a mission before let alone killed anyone. So, when a regular guard was about to enter the station, he hid under a table." Lucas angerly slammed his hands down on the bar, knocking the gin and tonic over, spilling it everywhere. "Under a FUCKING TABLE!"

His breathing was heavy, and I couldn't help but let out a small yelp out of surprise from the outburst.

"SM's inability to properly organize and assign roles ended up with my father's right-hand man losing his life and most of the gang ending up behind bars. Not just in prison, but in Korean prison!" As if he just now noticed the mess he had created, Lucas picked up a rag that was resting on a nearby bar stool and started wiping up the spilled concoction.

"And do you wanna know what happened to the imprisoned members of NCT 127?"

I nodded my head, not wanting to further irritate the man who was visibly becoming more and more angry as his told the tale.

"They were bailed out within three days and they all returned to their lives as if none of it had ever happened."

After cleaning up the spilled liquid Lucas motioned with his hands for me to move to the bar. A lot of this night was just Lucas telling me to change places, but I wasn't going to object to the son of a mafia member, especially one who was this upset.

"I was trying to make you another drink, but it seems as though I may not be in the right mindset to do so," He chuckled.

This chuckling Lucas seemed to be a completely different person compared to the hot-tempered ranting Lucas from only a minute ago.

"Please make yourself another drink. I'd hate to think that I was the only one having a good time." Lucas grabbed the back of his neck sheepishly before letting out another series of small hiccups.

Watching the extremely cute image in front of me, I couldn't believe that he said "good time" despite having been enraged throughout the majority of his story, but at the same time, I was having a really good time. In fact, it was probably the best time that I had had in months since my parent's accident. Maybe even since before that...

I walked over to the bar and decide to make myself another virgin "gin and tonic," but realized that Lucas' eyes were focused on the gin.

Not wanting to be rude, I hesitantly pour a half shot into the drink.

"Aww come on, you can do better than that." Lucas grabbed the gin and gave my drink a pour that seemed to last forever but was probably closer to five seconds.

"Let's cheers!" Lucas suggested before he began to search for his drink from earlier. After finding it, he walked over to me and we clinked our glasses together once more.

Since he was older, I turned my body away from his and tilted my glass to my lips, allowing a small splash of the cocktail to enter my mouth. Before I swallowed, I turned to notice Lucas briskly walking away.

"I'm just going to excuse myself for a second to use the gentleman's room."

Realizing this was my chance, I coughed up the gin and tonic back into the glass.

Due to my financial situation, I was not used to drinking, so I was still tipsy from the bar earlier that night. Yet, even if I did have my old tolerance, I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to survive a drink this strong.

I looked around the room desperately trying to find a sink or something, hoping to dispose of the gin and tonic that was starting to feel heavy in my hands. Losing hope, I spotted a potted plant in the opposite corner of the room and I rushed towards it taking four large steps. I rushed to pour my drink into the plant only to realize that it wasn't even a real plant.

Idiot! Of course, it's fake. There are no windows nor light down here needed for it to survive.

On top of that, I realized that the dirt in the pot isn't absorbing the liquid, most likely insinuating that it was plastic.

Oh my God, Y/N! You could have just politely refused the drink, now if he sees this, he's going to be so offended. That gin probably cost more than your life. Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!

My thoughts ceased once I heard a door creak from down the hall of the wine cellar, and my body came to life as I launched back to the bar and poured tonic water into the empty glass as if my life depended on it.

"As I was saying..." Lucas looked down at my disheveled state as he entered the room, noticing that my hair was a little messier than it was before he left the room and in spite of my best efforts, that my breathing was more erratic as well.

"Ha! Bit of a low tolerance huh?" He smirked.

With a subtle sigh of relief at the comment which confirmed that he didn't suspect anything out of the ordinary, I took a large sip of my tonic water.

"Let's change it up a bit, shall we?" Lucas turned his body in the direction of the potted plant and started walking towards it.

"Wait!" I requested, sounding a little too desperate than I wanted to.

Lucas stopped and looked back at me.

"What?” He asked as he distractedly grabbed a liquor from a shelf right next to where the potted plant was stationed. The bottle filled with a liquid that if we were not currently in a liquor room, I would have said resembled apple juice.

Trying to keep him from looking at the potted plant, I stood up.

"You didn't finish your story."

Lucas' eyes lit up as if he had forgotten about the story all together.

"You're right." He put the bottle back on the shelf and made his way back towards me. We both sat down at the bar and I looked at him ushering for him to finish the story.

"SM didn't struggle to bail out all of the NCT 127 members in just a few days, but he took his time with the China line. Hiccup! The worst part was that none of the Chinese members knew why no one was coming to their rescue. I had tried to visit my father while he was in prison, but I was turned away. He wrote letters, but I didn't receiver them until it was too late." A sad look took over Lucas' features.

"My father was killed in prison by rival gang members when I had just turned 15. He had no protection or anything. All of the NCT 116 members were sent to different prisons, yet the prison held at least four imprisoned members of the Korean gang Got7. He never stood a chance. He had no family, no community, no nothing. It ended up that way for a lot of NCT's Chinese members. It was like they were never a part of NCT."

A single tear rolled down Lucas' cheek. He was staring at a wall. He seemed to be in a trance. Almost as if he forgot that I was in the room and he was just reliving the memories by himself.

He quickly glanced up at me and then turned his head towards the shelf where the bottle of baijiu was housed.

"My father gave me that bottle of Baijiu in his will. I was supposed to get it when I was supposed to take over NCT116, but...well..." He sighed.

"I received the bottle on my 21st birthday when one of my father's closet friends, and an ex member of NCT 116, Lay came to visit me. He told me that my father had asked him to hold on to it in case anything was to happen to him. Lay had resigned from NCT 116 years before that mission. Normally people didn't leave NCT 116 alive, but he had lost one of his legs taking a bullet for my father, so he wasn't exactly fit to continue participating in the action... Hiccup!" Lucas scratched his head.

"I don't know why I'm already a bit drunk. I normally don't get this way this quickly." He looked up at me. "It's probably because I haven't eaten that much today."

"Anyway, the bottle came with a letter."

Lucas sat up straight and started reciting the letter as if it were right in front of him. He must have read it at least a hundred times.

"Son, this bottle signifies all the pride our group has for our country. Although right now it seems as though we are submitting to the Koreans, you must know that we are doing whatever it takes to show the world what it means to be a part of NCT 116. I have one goal and one goal only; to lead NCT116 as best I can so that one day, the people of Asia will see our beautiful country as how it should be, powerful, strong, and full of honor. This bottle has been passed down from my father's father, to him and then it fell into my ownership. I know that sometimes I may seem harsh, but now that this bottle falls to you, I hope you will understand why. The day China is finally given the recognition it deserves in South Korea is the day I hope to drink this liquor with you, my dear son. May you be the strongest leader of us all."

I noticed that my eyes were on the floor during Lucas' rendition of his father's letter, but as soon as I raised my gaze to meet his, I couldn't help but comment.

"So, you never got to fulfill your father's wishes."

Lucas' eyes widened with a hint of shock at what I said, and I could feel my stomach churning with regret, but then he smiled.

What do you mean?" He asked softly.

"If NCT116 dissipated, then you were never able to continue your father's legacy."

"Not quite," He answered with a grin.

"Yes, NCT116 had been terminated as a subgroup of NCT but SM couldn't let all that business coming from China go, so he made a new Chinese subgroup right before he died. And he knew that my father had trained me to eventually take over NCT116, so he asked me to be the leader of the new group which had been named WAYV. Of course I had wanted to say no at first, but when SM died right before debuting the group, I realized that accepting the new leader of NCT 127's request for me to take over WAYV was the perfect chance to fulfill my father's wishes in establishing the Chinese mafia as the most powerful gang in Seoul."

"Wait... so you're a gang leader?" My voice quivered slightly as I asked. My fear was suddenly apparent to both of us.

"Ah come on Y/N, don't tell me you're scared of me all of a sudden. Hiccup!"

I slowly got up from the bar stool and backed away, not breaking eye contact with Lucas who now had a devilish grin adorning his face.

"Where are you going Y/N?" Lucas asked slurring his words as he stood up as well. The grin on his face grew wider.

"I need to use the restroom!" I shouted at him before quickly scurrying down the hall.

Exit. Exit. Where is the exit? He went down this hallway earlier. right? Oh God. I need to get out of here. I don't care if he has been charming up to this point. He is still a dangerous man capable of...

Well, I didn't know what he was capable of. All I knew was that I had to find an exit somewhere. I start opening doors left and right, trying to find a way out but to no avail. I tried one door after another. Each one leading to a boiler room, a storage room, or a bathroom, but no exit.

I spotted one last door at the end of the hall and prayed that it lead to the outside world. The door handle was different than the previous ones I had tried. Unlike the others this door handle was glass, but I barely noticed. All I could focus on was the limp body lying on the blood-stained tile floors that I had just encroached upon.

I couldn't even scream. I was in too much shock. All I bring myself to do was just stare at the body. It was a woman's body. Bruised and obviously beaten. Her hair has tangled in a rats nest covering the majority of her face. She wore a emerald green dress that was dirtied and looked as though it had been ripped apart. Her  lips had a slight blue twinge to them, suggesting that she wasn't about to greet me any time soon.

I backed away from the body and into something large and muscular.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

I didn't dare to turn to face the voice. I could only stare straight ahead, crippled by fear until a familiar object was dangled in front of my vision.

The emerald necklace.

"Did you actually think that I was going to give you this?"

Lucas walked in front of me and arranged his body so that he was facing mine. He leaned down to look me in the eye.

"I won't lie, you amaze me Y/N," He said as he grabbed a lock of my still slightly damp hair rubbing it in between his fingers.

"Normally with the dose of Rohypnol you took, a normal girl your frame would be struggling to stand, and yet you were able to run down the hallway without even stumbling."

Rohypnol? Roofies? Oh my God. The gin.

Despite the amount of shock I was in, my body jolted back in an attempt to run away from the man leaning over me, only to have an intense pain stab at my scalp as he pulled me to the ground by my hair.

Whimpering, I tried to fight the man off of me, but even after having two spiked drinks, Lucas was easily able to overpower my weak self. I tried everything in my power to get out of his grasp, including scratching his face with my nails, but that only made him angrier.

"Fucking bitch!" Lucas bellowed as he landed a quick but strong punch to the cheek. I wasn't knocked out, but the pain was so intense that I could barely tell which way was up and which way was down. I had no idea what people meant when they said "seeing stars" until now.

The sound of soft chuckles took over my senses.

"I think you look just as cute now with your red cheeks as you did when I first met you. But I don't think that your blushing face was as pretty a shade of red as it is right now."

I felt lips smashed against mine. He shoved his tongue so far down my throat that I gagged, nearly throwing up. I wished that I could throw up all over this bastard.

He pulled his lips off mine, but not without giving my bottom lip one last harsh graze with his teeth, letting my head drop back to the floor.

Lucas stood up and walked over to the body who was now facing mine and lifted her head by her hair, exposing her full face. Even with the bruises and deathly pale features, anyone could see that she was beautiful. Large eyes, small straight nose, perfectly plump lips, straight eyebrows. She looked like the type of model that plastic surgeons would want to use for an "after" photo. She was literally a cookie cutter example of Korean beauty standards, yet nothing about her looked fake or like it was altered with surgery. The only flaws on her face were those caused by harsh beatings and slight decomposition.

"This little trinket was hers when she was alive." Lucas looked down at the body's face.

"It suits her doesn't it? A woman like her is worthy of a necklace like this. When she was alive, she was elegant, intelligent, and the very definition of high society."

Lucas turned towards me.

"Unlike you." Lucas said as he stood up straight.

"Unlike her, you're a filthy-" He kicked me in the stomach.

"disgusting-" He kicked me again.

"Slut!" He landed one final blow onto my body.

It hurt like hell, but surprisingly I was able to take it. Maybe because the roofies might have weakened him.

"Someone like you will never deserve to wear this necklace. "

Tears filled my eyes and heavily started to stream down my cheeks.

He was right.

I'm a worthless person. My parents are lucky they don't have to see what a disgrace their daughter has become. My brother was right to run away and abandon me.

I hate myself. I deserve this.

I look up to see a laughing Lucas and suddenly all of the sadness and grief that was filling my body drained out of me and was quickly replaced with something else.

Lucas stumbled over the lifeless body and tripped landing on the cold ground.

I used all of my strength to prop my self up on my arms.

"You're wrong."

Lucas looked over me with a confused look on his face.

All of the sadness from before was replaced with anger and adrenaline. I might have deserved this kind of treatment, but if what he said about the dead woman was true, then there is no way in hell that she deserved to die like that. And if he was the type of person to cause this kind of harm on someone not caring who they were, then who was he to judge me?

I stood up and quickly ran back into the room where the bar was.

"Oh no you don't you little bitch!" Lucas stood up to chase me, stumbling a few times in the process.

Once he entered the room, adrenaline, and anger took over my body. I hurled myself at him knocking him and a nearby table over. I started hitting him with all my strength over and over again. All I saw was red. An suddenly... my hands reached for something hard and heavy.

"I am not worthless!"

Crack

"I am worthy!"

Smash

"I am fucking worthy!"

Smash

Something splashes on my face and I look down to see an unrecognizable Lucas lying on the ground next to the broken baijiu bottle I had used to smash his head in.

I just sat there, staring at my blood covered hands. I must have sat there for over ten minutes. Not a single thought crossed my mind. Well, until one finally did.

I killed him.

Then suddenly, a noise.

Someone is upstairs.

I flew to my feet. And ran towards one of the bathrooms that I had seen earlier. I took of the hoodie and rinsing as much of my blood-stained skin as I could. I hurriedly looked in every single cupboard I could looking for something to wear that was free of the red liquid but couldn't even find a body towel. Then I had an idea, a horrible, disgusting idea, but an idea.

I ran to the body of the dead girl and quickly freed it from the green dress. I put it on hoping that it wasn't too torn to be wearable. Luckily, even though the dress was ripped, it would still be considered nicer than the clothes that I had worn earlier that day.

Now all I had to do was find a way out, but there were no doors except for upstairs.

The bathroom had a window.

Just as I was about to charge back to the bathroom, a glimmer of light caught me eye.

The necklace.

I picked it up and took a second to examine it. I wondered if I should have left it with the girl. I mean, I was leaving her practically naked on the floor, but I reasoned that it would probably only be taken from the body once again as soon as she was discovered by one of the gang leader's underlings.

I also didn't want to admit it, but even after all of the events of tonight, my heart still longed for the necklace.

I am worthy of you.

The words echoed in my head and it was decided. I stashed the emerald piece of jewelry in one of the dress' hidden pockets and climbed out of the small bathroom window before anyone could stumble upon the wine cellar.

<><><><><><> End of Flashback <><><><><><><>

A/N: yeah I know, I killed Lucas in this story. I’m sorry, Okay?!

#Nct au #nct smut #nct mafia au #wayv mafia au #nct mafia #wayv mafia #nct 127 mafia au #nct 127 mafia #kpop smut #nct 127 smut #LUcas #Jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jaehyun mafia au #lucas mafia #jaehyun mafia #jaehyun smut #kpop mafia #kpop mafia au #nct 127 #wayv #nct

[cordytriestowrite]

Keeping Up Appearances

Bucky x Reader

Epilogue

Summary: When an old friend comes back into your life you struggle to maintain the lies you've told. Bucky Barnes has no idea what he's gotten into by agreeing to be your fake boyfriend, but you have no idea what to do about the very real feelings you have for him.

You were dead on your feet, barely making it through the door of the building before yawning to severely your body shook at the exertion. You blinked back the hazy grey threatening to overtake your vision. All you wanted to do was take the elevator up to your apartment, fall into bed, then sleep the ten hours until you had to start getting ready for your next job, but before you did that you had to check the mail.

"Morning beautiful."

Bucky's greeting barely registered in your tired mind, but the kiss to your cheek sparked a little more alertness to your senses.

"Morning handsome. Come with me to get the mail?"

You made your way to the wall of boxed, sticking your key in and barely able to turn before the overstuffed box burst open. 

"This box can't handle three resident's mail."

You grabbed and handful while Bucky grabbed the rest and read the front of each envelope. 

"You trying to kick me out, Barnes?"

Another kiss to your cheek and a mumbled,

"Never."

Sam's pile was sizable already with credit card offers, while yours was mostly credit card bills. The words were starting to blur so you gave up on your sorting and almost missed Bucky saying your name with another audible yawn.

"This is from Pepper and Tony."

You were awake now, Pepper's Name as effective as four cups of coffee. Your eyes cleared up and in Bucky's hand you could clearly see a large envelope and your name written flowy, gold script. 

It had been eight months since Pepper had learned the truth and eight months since she had spoken to you, not that you didn't try to reach her, but eventually you gave up and accepted that you had lost one of your best friends.

At least you didn't lose Bucky. In fact, things had only been better since that day. At the end of your lease you moved in with Bucky and Sam to save money and sharing a bed with Bucky, who was now your very real boyfriend, was worth an overflowing mailbox and the underlying smell of dirty socks that seems to have settled in the carpet fibers. 

"Open it, Buck!"

Bucky tore open the envelope, almost tearing it in half. He extracted an elaborate piece of cardstock and read it out to you.

"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Anthony Edward Stark and Virginia Pepper Potts on August twenty-seventh in Glasgow, Scotland."

Your smile was starting to hurt with the intensity of it but you didn't mind the dull ache. You got an invitation and that had to mean something. It actually meant a few somethings.

"We can't afford to go to Scotland in less than three months, we would never be able to save enough money for plane tickets and a hotel."

But Bucky was still smiling, fingers hidden in the remnants of the envelope. 

"Looks like we don't have to."

And with an exaggerated, and frankly embarrassing, flourish Bucky revealed two tickets to Glasgow, paperclipped together with a small note.

See you there!

-P

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[ficstogo]

Somebody Else Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Go With Your Gut

Summary: Sandra looks back on the beginning of the end.

Word Count: 3,650

Fic Masterlist

“Hey, Harold. Something big came up and I gotta go take care of it. I’ll call you when I get there, or you’ll call me. Whichever.” Shoving her phone back into her pocket, Sandra rushed her and her belongings into her car, preparing to take the long trip to the airport and complete an even longer trip to LS. She was completely livid. The news that Trevor brought had changed her mood from depressed to wanting to blast something in the face with a nailed baseball bat. Thinking back to the phone call the other night only made her fury even more potent than before. Sandra immediately went to find the earliest plane ticket there, buying it as she now had a mission to destroy Michael Townley at all costs. She would have loved it if the night had ended completely different. She would have wanted to keep on the gig of being mad at Trevor and then begin the process of getting to know each other all over again. Just like starting over. Pretend that they were long lost friends of better conditions. Either way, she would’ve continued on with chatting the night away with him with beer and laughter, pretending that he was in the same room as she was.

The night ended much differently though. After getting her things to fit in her suitcase, Sandra called Dr. Harvey about her mother being deathly ill, and having to visit her back home. She brought the rest of the leftover beers from her fridge to her bedroom and drank away. For a small while, the feeling of wanting to cry left her after that phone call. All she felt was anger, but it all came back to her at once when her angry thoughts turned sour once more. These were the circumstances that lead to Trevor calling her. If not this, she more than likely wouldn’t hear from him for another ten years or never at all and it broke her. She really had no friends. She really didn’t mean much to Trevor, except for the fact that she only helped to fuel the idea that he was in the right side of things for once. Sandra enabled that his feelings justified what he wanted to do because another person felt the same. Then thoughts led to her other friend. Her “dead” friend. Why? Why in the hell would he do something so god awful like that? For so long she blamed herself for what happened back at North Yankton. She remembered how nice Michael had been when Trevor freaked on her on not being on that last heist. How nice he was when she snapped at them. Because of that, she hated herself for so long. For letting her anger and pettiness be the reason that she never saw her friends again.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Sandra laid on her worn out couch staring at the ceiling with the television filling in the silence. She was waiting for a call to hear where the next race would take place and when. It was an easy way of making money, although at the moment, she had enough to make life easy for at least four more months, give or take. But that was far from her mind. She needed something to do, something to keep her occupied and racing was a productive way of doing that. Having enough of the noise, she turned off the small, shitty television and continued to lose herself in her thoughts. Although she would have loved to ring up the boys and see if they could go out for a night of drinking, they all had to lay low for another week. By then, Michael would be busy playing house and Trevor would be too busy hanging out with his best friend. A friend that seemed to overshadow her. Sandra didn’t mind Brad, but she couldn’t help but feel that as each day passes, she was slowly losing Trevor to him. He was a handful and she knew it, but Trevor was her mess of a man to deal with since the beginning. As for Michael, he had a family to look after as strange as that sounded. He was no family man, but when the news about Amanda’s pregnancy came out, the idea of abandoning his children was unbearable. He did not want to be like his father and so the decision to stay had stuck.

Thinking about Amanda led a frown to form on Sandra’s face. It was understandable that Amanda wouldn’t want the crew around Michael anymore, she got that. If she had a family, she would try to drop that life as soon as she could, but what grinds her gears was the way Amanda is. She acted so...privileged, so uppity, so above everyone as though she was queen bee. She knew Amanda viewed them as scum level, trailer trash, as though she had the right to say what’s proper living. She was a goddamn stripper-turned-prostitute who had a boob job and suddenly had a god complex. Then again, maybe she always had that. She lived in a trailer too for god sakes! Sandra’s way of making a living wasn’t honest, but she sure as hell was smart enough to avoid selling herself to strange men. That was something she made sure of. She has no right to treat any of them like shit. What was worse was that she always came after Sandra. She only assumed it was to assert her dominance in Michael's life like some small feeble minded animal. Maybe it was because she was one of Michaels female friends that he might have a thing for. As if. Either way, it was a classic girl-on-girl hate game that played on and she really really hated it. Sandra imagined clawing her eyes out and throwing a few punches here and there while saying things to ruin what little self-esteem she had left. The only reason she hadn’t gone full swing was because it was her friend's wife and she did not want to risk that relationship. At this moment, all her relationships were dwindling.

The sudden ring from the coffee table startled her away from her thoughts. Sitting up to see which phone was ringing, she knew it was the small black one informing her that this was a business call that needed to be answered. “Hello?” She said groggily to the other end.

“L’s, tonight, eight a’clock.” And the line went dead. Feeling buzzed from the call, she was happy that there was going to be new work to do.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Tying up her long dark hair into a ponytail, Sandra took a look at her bright brown eyes in the rearview mirror. They had bags under them from the lack of sleep the weeks previous provided her. She prepped herself for the excitement that this meeting would bring. She was happy that after this hiatus, she could finally get off her ass and do something to ease the boredom once more. Tugging on her jacket, she exited her car and walked towards the small, mobile trailer. With the light from the trailer blanketing her, she knocked a steady rhythm. Sandra took a look around her as the snow kept falling to make the bare area look like a winter wonderland. The sound of the creaking door in front took her attention as she now laid her eyes on a small, weak-looking man, with the iciest blue eyes she’s seen in her life.

“Glad you could make it.” Lester said as he moved to the side for Sandra to walk through. Peeking his head through the door, he takes a few seconds to look around outside as his paranoid self does whenever guests come over.

“Couldn’t possibly skip out on a chance to win some big bucks.” There in the room stood Michael, focused and out of touch with what was going on at the moment. He was more than likely thinking in great detail of the events that would unfold. Trevor stood with his god awful mullet and stache, having a frown to go with the threatening look that he’s pulling off so well. And then Brad, who sat on one of the small raggedy sofas with a bored look, a look that wasn’t new whenever he attended these meetings.

“So boys, what's the score?” Her voice projected in an amused yet confident tone. They all turned to look after her, happy to get this meeting started.

“North Yankton State Bank.” Michael said with eagerness in his voice.

“You’re serious!?” Sandra chuckled out with a quirked brow as she sat at the small table in the room.

“As serious as I can be. It may not be much but it’ll sure as hell cover us for a good while.”

“No complaints here.”

.~.~.~.~.~.

As Lester finished up with his presentation, there was the question that always came to mind when discussing any heist. “What are the chances we make it out clean?” With her hands clasped on top of the table, her eyes focused on the blueprint in front of her.

“Do you want the answer that feeds into doing this job or do you want my actual god honest opinion?”

“The answer that won’t send me to my grave early.”

Lester looked at each of the thieves with a nervous expression risen on his face and hesitated only for a second to answer. “...I don't think that this job is something you guys can go through.”

“Oh come on Lest! What do you mean we cant? We got the best the of the best here! We're gonna make it through it and we're gonna make it through it rich.” Trevor exclaimed. He wanted so bad to go through with this score and he wanted everyone to be apart of it. He’d cut Lester’s tongue out if this was going to change Sandra’s mind.

“And then we can finally end it here.” Michael calmly said with what sounded as if he let out a welcomed sigh.

“What do you mean “end it”?” Her head slowly turned to Michael as her eyes squinted in skepticism.

“You didn’t tell her?” Lester said in surprise, looking between his companions once more.

“Shut it, mole man!” Trevor yelled, only to see Lester squirm back from his outburst.

“Uh, Me and Trev have been talkin’-”

“We decided to end the partnership after this job. Sorry for you to be the last to know Sandy.” Trevor said as he looked away from her. He knew how much they meant to her because he felt the same with them. It killed him when Michael opened up about how he wanted to leave them and it murdered him when he decided for it. He was going to tell Sandra but for some reason, he always found something to distract him from doing that. He realized now how that could go wrong.

“Wait wait wait wait. I know that this job would cover us for a good while but are you guys seriously deciding on not doing this anymore?” Her dirt eyes looked back and forth between the two as her chest felt constriction.

“You know I got a family S, I can't keep doing this.” Michael said as he looked to the floor, not wanting to look at her. He couldn’t risk their lives because of him. He didn’t want his children to visit him in prison and know their father to be a pitiful loser who couldn’t do any better in providing for them. He didn’t want to be absent in their lives, let alone because he was six feet underground. Michael just couldn’t find himself doing that to them. He wanted to be better. For them.

“And I never said I was done. Me and Brad, we’re gonna go places.”

“Oh really? And where does that leave me, huh? Where am I in all of this? All four of you decided to have this chat and leave me out! Do I really not count in anything?”

“No! Sandy that’s not why-”

“Cut the shit! I noticed how I've been the last in anything nowadays. And you told Lester instead of the person who’s gotten your backs since the start! The person that almost slept her way to make extra cash when we needed it bad! The person who drives your asses out the heat before the cops could get on to us!?”

“San-”

“What’ll screw us over on this?” Sandra said in a firm tone as she turned her attention instantly to Lester.

“Uh, right of course. Our main problem is security and the time frame. I'm afraid that it's too short for any of you to make it to the van on time.” Lester flustered out. Even though Michael gave hints about it being the last job, he honestly thought that Sandra would be the first he talked to about it. They always seemed to be more connected but then again it was hard when all three of them were so close to each other. When Lester met them, it was like high school. The new kid meeting the clique and how it was hard to break through their barrier that they’ve built up together. Although this is all business, he did feel like the outsider with their group. Eventually, he turned to the person they always praised and respect. Well two of the three, he should say.

“Fuck security! They can’t do shit to us! And we’ll be fast! As long as we know the plan like clockwork, we’ll be home free!” Brad said with confidence.

“For once, Brad’s right. We’ll do this and we’ll do this with no repercussions. Sandy, this job will be like any other job we’ve done. There’s no way we can fuck this up!” Michael said. He could see that she wasn’t convinced and he needed her to see it his way. He needed this and he needed her on this job.

Only thoughts battled within her head. It was a good score but the fact that Lester wasn’t a hundred percent behind it like he usually is is what was really breaking the tie on what she should do. “I trust that you guys can’t fuck it up but I trust Lester more on this. You know I don’t go full on without Lester’s approval on it.”

“Oh come on Sandra-D!” There it was. The stupid nickname they used whenever they wanted her to do something that she was stubborn on. How Marty McFly hated being called a chicken, she hated being called Sandra-D. It had the same punch of being called a pussy and it always worked in their favor. She had too much of an ego and pride to back out, but she knew that nickname wouldn’t work this time. “You use to go into jobs head-on before we ever met Lester! Whatever it was, you never hesitated! What happened to the old Sandy!?” Trevor said in a passion with his hands slammed on the table, looking straight at Sandra, a desperate fire burning in his eyes.

“That old Sandy was stupid and almost got herself killed and caught more times than she can count because she thought it was a good idea to listen to you two fuck heads!” She said as she rose herself in the same position as Trevor. “Fuck you guys! I ain’t doing this job!” She yelled as she grabbed her jacket from the back of her seat and headed to the door.

“Are you fucking serious!? Are you fucking with me right now!? This is our last Goddamn heist together and you can’t help but fuck this up for us!? You’re a real bitch, you know that, Sandra!? You can’t even do this one thing for us without that stick up your ass!”

“Trevor!” Michael yelled.

“How about I get that stick that’s in my ass and fucking beat the living shit out of you, you fucking psychotic good for nothing piece of shit!” She yelled stalking towards him as a force that couldn’t be stopped. “If you wanna talk about who fucks up what, let’s talk about your fucking star moments, huh! At least I don’t fucking kill any of the goddamn hostages because they looked at me funny! At least I’m not the one that drives everyone into hiding because the cops are onto us for a fucking murder case! At least I’m not the one who tries to start shit up while we’re trying to lay low!” She continued on at his face. Everytime they were on a job, she always had to worry about him doing just that and it always made her more anxious than what she should be. She already had to worry about making sure she didn’t mess up. She had to make sure that the everything was going to plan. She had to worry about not getting in a wreck whenever they drove off. Sandra did not need that extra weight on her.

As she walked past the men, she felt a grip on her arm like their life depended on it and it did. “Sandra! Wait! We need you. I can’t get another driver as good as you! You’re the only one that I trust on anything and this is big! We’ll be fucked without you.” Michael was pleading with her. There was a desperate look in his eyes and damn, did she nearly gave into it but she needed to show them her ground and she needed to show how true his words were. They would be fucked without her. It was petty but she didn’t give a damn at the moment.

Yanking her arm out of his hand, she looked him straight into his true blue eyes and said, “Good.”

As she walked out the door, all that was left behind was Trevor yelling “I don’t wanna hear you begging for money from us, you hear!? You don’t get any of the damn cut! You don’t deserve shit!”

.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Sandra found herself staring at the ceiling once more as the anger still coursed through her body. This was complete bullshit. The feeling of being left out was just that. A feeling. Then being the last to know of some news that would change her life only made her feel even more distant from them than before. What happened? What suddenly changed their dynamic from sticking together like the family they were to not even speaking to each other like the way they use to, she didn’t know.

The sudden ring from her phone startled her. Rolling her eyes at her jumpy self, she picked it up and answered the call. “Yeah?”

“Hey…” Great. It was this smooth talking bastard calling. Probably to try and convince me into this job.

“What?” Sandra said with her attitude giving a hint about how she was feeling.

“I just called to...I just wanna know if you’re alright. After everything, especially what Trevor said, I just needed to know if you were alright.” That wasn’t what she was expecting.

Taking her anger down a notch she sighed and responded. “Um, yeah. I mean, I’ll be alright. I’m a little pissed but I’ll get over it.” Closing her eyes, Sandra tried to waver off the remainder of her anger so as to continue having a calm conversation with Michael.

“You got every right to be. Look, I wanted to call and say I’m sorry for being an asshole. I should’ve told ya what I was planning and I’m sorry about the shit Trevor said. You know how he can get.”

“Yeah, I know. I wasn’t expecting anything different from him.” She rubbed her forehead as she thought back about earlier in the night. She hated it. Hated how bad it got. “But he’s right. I shouldn’t be such a bitch and back off from what we got planned. It’s our last job and I can-”

“No, don’t worry about what Trevor said. Don’t let him guilt you into doing anything you don’t wanna do.”

“And what do you want me to do?”

“...To be honest, I really want you to be apart of this. It is our last. But we’ve always gone with our gut feelings. Mine’s telling me we can do this, yours is tellin’ you we can’t. It’s better if we went with how we feel. No hesitation.” That thought only made her want to laugh. The last time she went with how she felt things began to feel different between the two of them and when they finally fixed what was bothering them, it only left her a bit hurt.

“I’m sorry Mikey. I just...I can’t shake off this bad feeling I got. We always went with what Lester says and it always saves our skins but I get why you’re doing this. Just be safe.”

“Hey! Don’t worry about nothin’! We got this covered. And forget about what T said. I’ll slip you a couple grand under your door when we get back.” Michael said in a confident yet hushed tone. Probably didn’t want Amanda to overhear him.

“You always spoil me, you know that?” She chuckled. It always felt like playing house with those two. When one said no, the other said yes.

“Anything for you, Sandy.” She could only imagine him winking at her as he said that, like the smooth bastard he is. With their moment of laughing, Sandra’s ears perked at the faint sound of someone calling his name in the background. Of course. Typical. “I gotta go, Sandy. Just wait till I’m knockin’ on your front door. You’d wish you came along.”

“Anything you say, M.” She sarcastically laughed. “Prove me wrong.” and there, she hung up and stared at the ceiling once more but this time with a small smile on her face.

#fic #my fic #gta #gta v #gta 5 #grand theft auto #grand theft auto v #grand theft auto 5 #michael townley #michael de santa #trevor philips #franklin clinton #lamar davis #jimmy de santa #jimmy townley #tracey de santa #tracey townley #amanda de santa #amanda townley

[imagineredwood]

Request: Juice’s sister comes from New York when she finds out he’s in jail (season 3) and Kozik starts having a thing for her 

Pairing: Herman Kozik x female WOC reader 

Warnings: implied sexual themes

Word Count: 1,181

***Assuming that they both have the same mother and father, then both Juice and the reader as his sister would be afro-latino so that's the way this is written. There’s no Spanish spoken since Juice didn’t speak it so it’s likely that his sister didn’t either because they didn’t hear it at home. Not much is mentioned about ethnicity or physical characteristics other than her and Juice having the same eyes. Also, I took this one in a different direction than the same usual Son falls in love with another Son's sister, happily ever after the end. Homegirl isn’t gonna have a whole life up in New York and move cross country for a dude she just met. Plus the request only said he gets a thing for her and not that they fall in love or anything and we know that means Kozik trailing like a puppy and being mildly to moderately annoying 😂 ***

“Jesus. Fourteen months?” 

Chibs nodded softly in response to your question and took another swig of his beer, shrugging. 

“Could’ve been worse. They could be in a lot longer than that.”

At that you agreed, taking a sip of your beer as well. That was the truth. things could’ve definitely ended much worse than they had and your brother could’ve been serving much longer. Chibs was absolutely right in his view of seeing this glass half full. It still didn’t put you anymore at ease though. Thankfully his brothers were there with him and they were providing each other with strength in numbers. Protection was the ultimate safety in jail and at least he had that. You came down as soon as you found out, even if there was nothing you could do. You wanted to at least visit him. Sure up in New York, you hadn’t seen him often either with him being across the country, but this situation seemed to put it into perspective. So you’d taken all your vacation time and bought a plane ticket, staying for two weeks to be able to visit him. The last thing you wanted was for something to go wrong and you hadn’t seen your brother in years. 

Plus it was nice to get to see the guys after so long. You’ve been down in the beginning when Juice had first joined and was prospecting, then again when he’d patched in. Come back over to Charming wasn’t something that happened often and much had changed since your last time over, including some new faces. Chibs had filled you in on most of it but looking over towards the entrance, you saw an unfamiliar blonde step through, his eyes falling on you. Immediately he put on a killer smile, one that you returned, and Chibs followed your gaze before his eyes landed on his brother as well. 

“That’s Kozik. He’s from our Tacoma charter.”

The blonde walked up and extended his hand, his smile still in place. 

“Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, Kozik. I’m Y/N, Juice’s sister.”

He nodded in recognition and squeezed your hand softly. 

“I knew those brown eyes looked familiar. I gotta say though, yours are much prettier.” 

You laughed softly as Chibs rolled his eyes beside you. Just like Kozik to go right for the kill. Chibs knew you though and knew that your focus was going to be on Juice while you were here. You turned back to Chibs and picked back up on your conversation, Kozik’s eyes still on you even as he walked past you and back to the dorms. 

”Just tell me about her. I wanna get to know her.”

Chibs chuckled as Kozik continued to press him as they sat at the bar alone. You’d left to your hotel an hour ago and it hadn’t taken long for Kozik to stroll up and try and get the details on you from Chibs. 

“Why don’t you just as her yourself tomorrow?” 

“Because. Last thing she’s gonna want to do it play 20 questions.”

“And what makes ya think I want to play?”

Chibs laughed as Kozik huffed, finally relenting. He told him your favorite color, about the cat you and Juice had rescued as kids, about how you hadn’t liked Jax in the beginning from bringing Juice into this but had warmed up to him eventually. With the rest of the boys gone, a lot of the responsibility had fallen to him and Chibs needed some entertainment for himself. From what Juice had told him about you, Kozik wasn’t exactly your type. He left that part out though and figured he’d let Kozik try and have his fun, not bothering to tell him that bit of information. With the basics covered, he downed the rest of his beer and stood. 

“There. Now you know everything, so let an old man get onto bed.” 

Kozik nodded, a victorious smile on his face as thought about how he would approach you tomorrow. He’d make it to where you’d have no choice but to enjoy his company.  

“Hey!” 

You turned around to find Kozik walking towards you and you turned back towards the counter to roll your eyes, both Chibs and Opie laughing at your reaction. 

“He doesn’t give it a rest does he?”

Kozik walked the rest of the way into the kitchen and up behind you, that flirtatious smile permanent on his face. 

“I got you something.” 

Turning towards him, you looked down and saw him holding a brightly colored yellow flower. 

“Saw this on my way back from downtown. Figured I’d grab one for you.” 

His smile was genuine as he looked at you but you grimaced as you heard Opie clowning on him. 

“What is this, kindergarten? You pickin’ flowers off the side of the road for your girlfriend now? Don’t act like we don’t know you snipped that from some old lady’s garden.”

Both him and Chibs laughed as you swatted at Opie’s shoulder, you turning back to Kozik and taking the flower from his hand with a smile. 

“Thank you, Kozik. It’s very nice. I love it.”

The blonde smiled brightly, stuffing his hands into his pockets.  He didn’t really care what the others thought. He enjoyed having you around and with your brother gone as well as most of the other Sons you knew, he figured it couldn’t hurt to spend some time with you and get to know you. 

“Are you free tomorrow? I figured we could go out for coffee or something.”

Your smile came back and only made Kozik’s widen, you nodding as you grabbed a glass to put your flower in. 

“That’d be nice.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Opie and Chibs smoked together in silence as they watched your car pull back into the lot. Opie pulled his wallet up from the chain and opened it, pulling out a ten and laying it on the top of the table next to Chibs. 

“Ten bucks says he annoyed the shit out of her and she never wants to see him again.”

The Scotsman laughed and pulled out his wallet and money as well, taking a puff from his cigarette. 

“Ten bucks says the sneaky bastard charmed her into at least a second date.” 

“We’ll see.”

You parked the car and the both of you stepped out, smiles on both of your faces. You talked and laughed together as you walked up to the clubhouse entrance, Opie cursing under his breath as he realized Chibs might’ve been right. It wasn’t until you got close to the two other Sons that they were able to see the stained markings in the same color as your lipstick along Kozik’s neck and jaw. It was obvious that someone had tried to wipe it off but you hadn’t had such luck. 

“Goddamnit.”

Chibs laughed deep from his belly as Opie cursed again, snatching both bills up from the table and handing them over to Chibs as you started to walk back inside the clubhouse. Not before tossing a wink over to Kozik though. 

#chibs telford #herman kozik #opie winston #sons of anarchy #imagines #SAMCRO #sons of anarchy imagine #kozik x reader

[kootenaygoon]

Somebody who isn’t there

by Will Johnson

This story was originally published in OCW Magazine

The walls of our tent throbbed like the wet insides of a womb. Rain hammered against the thin fabric. Huddled with me in the darkness, Cat squished a pinch of salvia into a black pipe. She was a shadow, a warm wetness pressed against me. The wind outside sounded supernatural. We were on the top of a mountain just outside Dawson City, nearing midnight.

Cat rustled around in her jacket for a lighter.  “I’ll meet you at the ocean,” she said. Our song.

Cat wore a damp hooded sweatshirt and a woolly toque, her dirty jeans bunched up on her mud-speckled hiking boots. She lay in my lap with her head against my chest and inhaled deeply. The smoke licked out of her wet mouth. She coughed hard, passed me the pipe.

I thumbed the lighter and felt smoke fill my lungs. Lightning spots erupted in my vision. With an exhalation I sank into my sleeping bag and let the pipe fall to the moist floor.

Cat began to squirm. She interlocked her fingers with mine. She tossed her head from one side to the next and made gasping, croaking, whistling noises. Her body trembled.

I didn’t feel anything.

“Cat,” I said. “Cat, I don’t think it worked.”

She couldn’t hear me. She writhed up until her damp cheek pressed against my neck.

“Cat, I don’t feel it,” I said.

With her sweaty hands squeezed tight in mine, I realized I couldn’t reach her. At least for the next few moments, she was gone. I could smell her scalp, her neck, her skin. I could feel her hands and hold her against me but she simply wasn’t there.

***

I’ve collected so many stories about Cat it’s hard to keep track of them all. Spend enough time with me and you’ll hear me repeat the same ones over and over again. I perfect my timing with each recounting. I add and drop details. I streamline the narrative.

It started at a hostel in the Yukon, when she sunk down across the dining room table from me and introduced herself. I was tinkering away on my computer, having just finished my first day as the summer intern for the Whitehorse Star.

We had a quick chemistry. I liked the way she languidly sprawled her arms out on the table. She swore loudly. Her upper lip curled high up over her teeth when she smiled. She made me feel like an exotic animal, like being a writer was the most peculiar thing she’d ever heard of. When I asked her why she left Powell River, she laughed.

“In that town, you either get knocked up or you get out,” she said.

I wrote down her words in my little black journal. In school I’d learned how to identify pertinent quotes. When she told me she had run away from her ex-boyfriend, I was already filling in the gaps of her back-story. I had come to the Yukon expecting some sort of spiritual retreat. Cat seemed dissatisfied in all the ways I wanted to be. We walked along the Yukon River as the last sheets of ice slowly sagged into the water.

Cat wore baggy sweaters and toques that hung low over her eyes. We were watching the current from the riverside hiking trail when she told me that she was gay. She’d been with guys in the past, but now she was only interested in girls.

“Girls are easy,” she said. “I don’t like all the bullshit.”

This was just another reason to be intrigued by her. It gave my story colour. I could come home at the end of the summer and tell my friends I’d fallen in love with a lesbian. But she seemed to think I was the exciting one. She asked about my life at the University of Victoria. I delivered carefully rehearsed monologues about drunken fights, about my friends from home, about girls I had dated.

We went to the pool together. We spent half an hour lazing in the shallow end. Beads of water trickled down her forehead, collected in her eyebrows.

“Just so you know, I’m not going to fuck you,” she said.

She smiled at me, then stood up and headed for the change rooms.

***

Sometimes I worry that I’m just a dancing bear. Before I met Cat, it had been years since I’d had a girlfriend. I felt incapable of making real human connections. I was insecure about my round belly, my reasonably normal upbringing, my comfortable lifestyle. I wanted to be complicated.

Cat was lying naked on my stomach when I told her this. “I kind of like your big belly,” she said. “I like that you’re a dancing bear.”

I’d come back to the hostel half drunk a week earlier. We made out on her bed, pawed at each other playfully. I unclasped her bra, but she insisted on keeping her jeans firmly in place. It wasn’t until I passed out that she slinked out of them. I woke up to find her groping around inside my boxer shorts.

She was filling in for the hostel manager the next night, and was staying in the private upstairs bedroom. Down the hall were rows of bunk beds full of sleeping travellers. We worried that our creaking would disturb their sleep. We switched from one position to the next, always stopping when the bed started to buck and bang.

“Let’s just do it on the fucking floor,” she said.

The next morning the hostel manager showed up while we were still in bed and Cat was fired.

I found an apartment in town and Cat stayed with me. We sank into a comfortable routine. Each morning the ethereal Yukon sunlight would overwhelm my bedroom and I would slip out from underneath the covers. I was surprised by how quickly I became accustomed to waking up beside someone. When she wasn’t there I would swoop my arm under the blankets, disappointed to feel nothing but sheets.

***

Cat had mentioned her past relationship with Sean briefly, but he seemed like a footnote in her narrative. I felt like nothing could disturb our Northern refuge. But one day in June he tossed some clothes into a backpack and bought a plane ticket to Whitehorse.

When Cat heard, she couldn’t tell anyone what was going on. Instead she sprinted to her bike and took off. I chased after her. After about ten minutes of biking in circles, Sean called her name from down the sidewalk. Her head whipped in his direction.

“Turn around, Will. Please, just go,” she yelled.

She tossed her bike to the ground and ran to his arms. I watched them kiss. It was a sickeningly perfect moment.

Sean was an easy villain. He was brawny, bearded and dumb. He worked as a bartender and had simple interests, according to Cat. He liked drinking, fucking and playing pool. They had lived together for months and he cheated on her multiple times.

“Girls just can’t say no to him,” she told me. “He could have anyone. The only reason he wants me is because he can’t have me.”

I hated competing with him. He had grown up in Powell River and knew stories about Cat I would probably never hear. He teased her and poked her in the ribs. She glanced guiltily in my direction whenever she laughed.

“Why do I have to choose a life?” she asked me.

She started smoking. She stopped sleeping. When I asked her if she loved him, she nodded sadly. She wondered aloud what would happen if he stayed.

She took Sean back to the airport a little more than two weeks after he arrived. I could hardly believe my luck. I couldn’t wait until we could both forget that he ever came. This was just an unfortunate chapter in our story. But the first time I went to kiss her, she turned away.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

The rest of the summer Cat had a quiet torment behind her eyes. She holed up in an apartment on the outskirts of town. She smothered pieces of paper in charcoal rainbows and drug-induced paint soup. By the end of August we were both miserable. I dropped her off on the side of the Alaska Highway. She planned to hitchhike back to Vancouver.

I saw her stick up her thumb in my rearview mirror as I drove away.

***

I started writing our story when I got back to UVic in September. I published a column about her in the student newspaper and got a piece published in a literary journal. Cat had become an almost mythical character in my mind—a tortured, mysterious loner. I loved her contradictions, loved the way I could never quite reach her. Somehow the more fucked up she was, the more I liked her.

She came to visit me in Victoria before she left to travel overseas. It felt strange to see her in a new setting. She ambled up to me on campus, and it was like meeting someone who had wandered out of a dream.

My friends had already heard all the stories. There was the time we went swimming in a frozen lake. Or the time we jumped of a cliff in Miles Canyon. One of my favourites was the time she asked me to shave her head. They listened, amused, as I constructed my tragic love story.

Cat called me from the airport the day she left for Europe. “I’ll send you an e-mail when I get there, dancing bear,” she said.

My friends all thought our relationship was dysfunctional, but I convinced myself I didn’t have a choice. I was stuck being in love with her. Sometimes I hoped I’d meet someone else, but most of the time I was comfortable getting random e-mails and postcards. I told a friend how I felt once.

“Sometimes it’s easier to love someone who isn’t there,” she said.

***

Sometimes I wonder if I invented Cat. When I look at pictures of her, she looks hopelessly ordinary. She has innocent blue eyes, soft blond hair. She looks like about twenty different girls from my high school.

But I’ve seen her jump off bridges into roiling rivers. She once lay topless in my lap for an hour in the middle of a public park. She’s worked in a carpet museum in Turkey and an elephant sanctuary in Thailand. She’s five years younger than me, yet she’s managed to work her way through nearly twenty countries in Europe, the Middle East and Southeast Asia. She sends me postcards from Lebanon, Georgia, Vietnam. Sometimes there are only a few swords scribbled on them. Other times she scrawls intricate labyrinthine doodles. I often wonder if I love her just because I want to be her.

Every time I haven’t seen her for a while, I’m a little startled to discover that she’s human. I’m surprised by how familiar she feels. I recognize her musk, the ways her fingers hang loosely in mine. The first time she returned from a trip overseas, I was waiting at the Vancouver Airport. She loped out of the terminal with a relieved smile and an overloaded backpack. She smelled like incense and smoke. She tasted like someplace far away. In my car we sat with our foreheads together, trembling. I dragged my bottom lips over hers.

“Hey you,” she said. “Been a while.”

***

I have a picture of Cat in my scrapbook. I took it on an August afternoon. She’s dancing on a small beach in Brentwood Bay. The sun glints off the water. Her nose and chest are sunburned and freckled. She smiles like she just told a naughty joke, her head swept up in triumph. Beads of ocean water dribble down from her tiny breasts to her taut stomach. Her nipples have small barbells through them. Her pubic hair is soft fuzz.

We drove along the Patricia Bay Highway on my scooter that day. She sang at the top of her lungs, her voice lost in the wind rushing by our helmets.

“’Tis a gift to be simple, ‘tis a gift to be free, ‘tis a gift to come down where we ought to be, and when we find ourselves in the place just right, we’ll be in the valley of love and delight,” she sang. It’s an old hymn she loves.

Days like this make me want to hang on to her.

***

Cat and I planned a vacation together during my reading break. Things had been going well since she’d gotten back from her second trip, and I was getting used to her phone calls from Powell River. She showed up in Victoria, only to inexplicably break down in bed beside me late that night.

“I can’t explain,” she said. “Not everyone can talk like you can.”

I convinced her to come to Tofino as planned, and we spent a day driving up island. She sat backwards in the passenger seat, carefully rolling a joint. We got stoned in Duncan and listened to music until we got to Ucluelet. She rested her hand lightly in mine.

I was excited to introduce her to my friends. But when we went out for sushi she just pushed a spicy scallop roll around on her plate. She carefully dissected it and ate it with her fingers.

“I’m going home,” she told me. “You can drive me or I can hitch.” 

She hated that my friends were so interested in her; that they already knew so much about her life. She didn’t feel like she deserved the attention.

“You’ve built me up so much I can never live up to it,” she said. “I can’t fucking deal with it.”

I agreed to drive her to Port Alberni. On the way I stopped at North Chesterman Beach. We looked out at the grey ocean. Surfers paddled lazily a few hundred feet out. They bobbed in and out of sight. Cat sat on a beach log, her hood up around her face.

We started arguing on the side of the road when we got to town. She wrenched the door of my car open, snatched her backpack and hurried down the sidewalk. I threw the car in park and ran after her.

“Listen, let’s just forget this. Okay? I’m not mad, let’s not say goodbye like this. Please?” I said. “It was a shitty trip. We’ll get over it, okay? I love you.”

It was the middle of the afternoon and the sidewalk was crowded. Cat didn’t slow her pace. I glanced around, saw people parking their cars in front of Safeway and coming out of 7-11 with coffee. Cars swished by. My narrative was falling apart.

“I don’t want this. Why do you even bother with me?” she said, pausing for a moment to spit her words at me.

“Not everything is a fucking story, Will.”

[artificialqueens]

Roswell, NM (Sashea) - Stella

A/N: So this is going to be my final fic on AQ. I’ll still continue to post on ao3, so if you want to find my future stuff there I’ll be posting under artificialstella. What’s more fitting than my last fic being a lesbian au? Two friends on a road trip take a stop at the most infamous UFO hotspots in America. Shea wants to be happy, but there’s something weighing heavy on her mind.

It seemed like Shea had been staring out at the same distant mountains for the past two hours of driving. The desert slid by, warm and dry, as their van barreled down the highway. But in the distance, the mountains looked unmoving. It was the same, flat-topped rocks jutting out of the horizon. The land was so even that Shea couldn’t tell how far away they were. They just loomed in the distant, dark against the bright blue sky. That was what Shea loved about driving. America had so many different landscapes, from the grey-water beaches of New England, to the endless corn fields of Middle America, and now her personal favorite. The bright colors and hot, dry air were so different from the dull city.

“Shea?”

Her head lifted from the window, and she turned to face the driver’s side. Sasha was glancing at her through her giant sunglasses. She had been driving for hours now, after switching between the two of them at the gas station. There was a small smile on her lips, one she reserved only Shea. At least Shea liked to think so.

“I’m awake, I promise,” Shea replied. Sasha’s smile only grew, and she put her hand on top of Shea’s in the middle console.

“You didn’t look it. I just wanted to tell you we’re almost there. I didn’t want to disturb you though, you looked so peaceful.”

Her voice was teasing but genuine as she spoke, and it made guilt twinge in Shea’s gut for being so distant during the final leg of their journey. Sasha’s phone was plugged into the AUX cord and playing music softly in the background, but that still didn’t make up for Shea’s silence.

“I wasn’t sleeping boo, I was just admiring New Mexico’s beautiful landscape.”

Sasha hummed, and Shea could see the road in front of them reflected in the lenses of Sasha’s giant sunglasses. The image was warped and the colors were more muted, and Shea was tempted to break out her camera and take an artsy shot.

“We’ll get there in about fifteen minutes, did you want to go downtown first or do you want to go to the campground?”

“Let’s go downtown first, I kinda wanna grab lunch. It feels like forever since we stopped at Denny’s.” Shea rubbed a hand over her stomach, soothing the slight twinge of hunger pains. Sometimes they packed lunch for the longer legs of their journey, but since they were staying in Roswell overnight they didn’t prepare anything.

“We’ll get some food in your darling, don’t worry,” Sasha laughed. “I don’t need you being grumpy all day.”

She paused, before adding: “Do you want to stop at that cool McDonald’s they have? The one shaped like a UFO?”

Roswell was of course known for it’s alien obsession. After the UFO craze in the 1950’s and the Area 51 hype, the town turned into a hotspot of extraterrestrial chasers. Now most of the business in Roswell revolved around UFOs or little green men. McDonald’s was no exception. The building was crafted to look exactly like a flying saucer, bright neon lights and all.

The photo-op might just be worth the questionable food.

“Maybe we could go in and get some fries, and eat more later,” Shea suggested, trying not to let her disgust show. “I know there’s not many vegetarian options there anyway.”

Sasha nodded, her own nose wrinkled at the idea of filling up on greasy burgers, and handed her phone to Shea.

“Put the address in for me babe.”

Shea pulled up the location and put it into the maps app. Thankfully they were close, and within a few minutes they were pulling into the parking lot. Sasha parked the car, and as soon as the engine shut off Shea sprung out of the car. Her legs were stiff from sitting for so long, so she stretched out with a satisfying groan. After shaking her legs loose a bit, she caught up to Sasha in front of the car.

“Hold on, go stand in front of the building. I want to get a picture,” Sasha instructed. She turned right back around and rifled through her bag in the front seat, eventually pulling out her polaroid camera. Sasha had bought it specifically for the trip, and exclusively took pictures of Shea throughout their journey. Sasha claimed she was going to make a scrapbook of the pictures, so she could bring Shea with her when she left. Shea of course went along with it, but whenever Sasha broke her camera out it was always a stark reminder of why exactly they were on this trip, and it made her heart sink every time.

Shea swallowed the bitterness rising in her throat and posed in front of the oddly shaped building. Sasha assumed her dorky photographer stance, and once she lined up the shot to her liking she snapped the picture. As she walked over to Shea, the camera slowly spit out the film, still grey as it developed.

“Alright, let’s go inside.”

They ordered their fries and got back in the car, this time with Shea at the wheel. When they sat down, Sasha was staring down at the picture and grinning.

“This one is my new favorite,” she declared. “It’s so delightfully strange.”

She handed the polaroid to Shea. It was a well composed shot, as Sasha had an eye for that kind of thing. Plus, Shea was no stranger to modeling for the camera, and her modern style contrasted well against the eclectic restaurant. Shea chuckled and handed the picture back to Sasha, who tucked it safely in a folder in her bag with the others.

Shea started the car and continued on towards downtown. Roswell wasn’t impressive from the outside. It looked like a typical Southwestern town with squat, tan buildings and roads perpetually dusted with sand. But the closer they got to the center of town, the more of a tourist trap it became. There were novelty shops that lined the streets, little green men in every single window. Families wandered the sidewalks, most with antenna headbands swaying on their heads and t-shirts that read ‘I Was Abducted At Roswell And All I Got Was This T-shirt’.

Shea spotted a parking spot and quickly pulled in. Every stop they wanted to hit was within walking distance, thankfully. They both hopped out of the van and Sasha pulled out her phone again.

“The black light museum is the next block over, and the museum is a little further. Do you wanna do it in that order?”

“Sounds good,” Shea agreed. They started walking, their pace easily syncing up.

Shea wanted to be more excited to be in Roswell. When they were mapping out their journey at the beginning of the year and the town had come up, both were eager to explore. Shea didn’t believe in aliens herself, but she found it amusing that after all of these years, people were more inclined to believe in visitors from outer space than ignorant civilians from the 1950’s mistaking a military plane for aliens. Sasha seemed more open to the idea, and even joked that Shea was the Scully to her Mulder. Either way, it was a town they had both wanted to explore.

Now, not so much. All Shea could think about was how little time they had left together. Two more days until they reached Las Vegas, and then three days until they flew from there back to New York. When they landed they would part ways, Shea back to Manhattan and Sasha to Brooklyn. Sasha was already packed up, so the next morning she would be back at the airport and flying to Amsterdam, where she’d be obtaining her Masters for the next three years. The closer they got to parting, the harder it was for Shea to stay positive. She was losing her best friend, and no amount of polaroids or facetimes could replace her.

“I think this is it!”

Sasha’s excited voice snapped Shea out of her funk, and she looked up at the building. A big poster advertising the black light museum took up a majority of the front window. It was definitely the right place, but judging by the size of the building, it wasn’t going to be an extensive display.

Sasha pushed inside, and the pair discovered an old man sitting in a chair by the entrance. He greeted them with a smile, missing a few key teeth.

“It’s three bucks a ticket, ladies,” he said as they stepped closer. Shea pulled out a ten from her purse, and after grabbing the change he gestured towards the entrance.

“Don’t get lost,” he teased. “The aliens’ll get ya.”

Together they stepped into the hallway, and the walls lit up with colorful paint. There were scenes of futuristic alien societies, distant planets, and vibrant star systems. The music playing through hidden speakers sounded like a mix of the Stranger Things soundtrack and a theremin.

“This is so cool,” Sasha enthused, linking her arm with Shea’s. Her hand felt comforting on Shea’s bicep.

“It’s alright I guess. I did one of these when I was like, twelve, so the effect has kind of worn off.”

Sasha chuckled and flexed her fingers against Shea’s arm.

“You seem so above it all today, are you still grumpy from your nap?” Sasha’s eyes seemed to sparkle mischievously in the blacklight.

“You got me girl,” Shea laughed. Sasha cooed and cuddled into Shea’s side as they continued to walk.

“We can get you a coffee before we go to the museum,” she promised.

“Oh, that does sound good,” Shea agreed.

They continued on through the museum, but it wasn’t that long of an experience. They couldn’t have been in there for more than five minutes before they had reached the end, spilling of course into a gift shop. There was a teenager behind the counter, typing away at their phone.

Shea tugged Sasha over to the wall of t-shirts. They got novelty items at every city they stopped at, but Roswell by far had the coolest trinkets. She picked out one of the shirts, then turned to Sasha.

“You should get one of the antennas,” she suggested. Sasha laughed, loud and throaty, causing the cashier to finally look up from their phone.

“Yeah? Do you think I’d finally make my transformation into a creature not of this earth?” Sasha replied. Shea hummed, so Sasha released her arm to go hunt down the headband. She returned with two green balls gently swaying on thin springs above her head.

“Take me to your leader, earthling.” Sasha’s voice sounded more like Kermit the frog than an alien, making Shea double over with laughter.

“Like you ever want to be in the same room as President Drumpf,” Shea shot back. Sasha’s face immediately curtled with disgust.

“You’re so right,” Shea sighed.

“Aren’t I always?”

After they paid for their trinkets, Sasha kept her word to stop for coffee. They managed to fine a little cafe a few stores down, and the smell of fresh food immediately hit Shea as they opened the door. Her stomach growled softly, reminding her that their snack of fries definitely did not do the trick.

“Look at all of the options,” Sasha mused, her eyes wide as she read the menu. The store looked like it could’ve been ripped out of Brooklyn and dropped into Roswell. Knowing the town, probably by means of UFO. The cafe was minimalist, with an overpriced “organic” menu and coffee drinks with weird puns. It was no restaurant, but the panini’s looked fresh and the scent of roasted espresso beans had her craving a latte.

Shea ended up getting a hefty chicken and pesto panini, a large latte, and another sandwich for later. Sasha got one of the salads and a green tea, as well as a sandwich of her own for later. Now they didn’t have to make anymore stops for food, and could probably go straight to the campground after the museum.

“Wanna sit at the table by the window?” Sasha suggested.

“Lead the way, I’m not picky.”

They sank into worn arm chairs and immediately tore into their lunches. Shea’s sandwich was hot, and the pesto was rich on her tongue. She almost groaned with happiness at getting genuinely good food for the first time in a long time. When on a budget as tight as theirs for the summer, it was rare that anything tasted fresh. Sasha looked content with her salad as well, the leaves dark and glistening with dressing. She stabbed her fork through a crouton and popped it into her mouth, chewing happily.

As Shea ate, her attention flickered from staring out the window to admiring Sasha. The other woman was world’s away, her eyes unfocused as she watched cars go by outside. Sitting together like this, completely at ease, made Shea’s imagination overflow with useless daydreams. Would this be what it was like to be on a date with Sasha? Happy, peaceful, content?

If they were on a date, Shea would’ve nudged her foot under the table, initiating a flirty little game of footsie. Maybe she’d steal Sasha’s fork and feed her a piece of lettuce, or sneak a sip of her tea. She wondered if Sasha would do that snorting laugh Shea loved, or if she would blush and hide behind her curly hair. There were so many things Shea longed for, but she’d never let herself actually indulge in. Especially not now that Sasha was leaving.

“Check out the cutie walking by,” Sasha mumbled slyly, her eyes moving away from the window. Shea snuck a peek to see a young guy with a nicely trimmed beard sauntering by. He was totally Shea’s type, just the right mix of hipster and douche. Sasha was used to scoping out hot guys for Shea. Sasha couldn’t possibly know that Shea’s tastes had wildly evolved in the past month.

“Just what I need, a hot guy in a town I’m leaving in less than twenty-four hours,” Shea joked.

“No harm in looking,” Sasha countered. As she went back to her salad, Shea stole one final glance at her best friend. No, there was no harm in looking. Shea had so little time remaining getting to soak in Sasha’s presence anyway. Why not stare until she committed every facet of her features to memory.

After a long lunch, the pair continued on exploring downtown Roswell. The museum was really the only other major attraction aside from more novelty stores. Museum was a bit of a stretch, really. It was more like an archive of old newspapers, as well as published theories about the 1947 UFO event. Clearly it was a museum put together by love and not a budget. Other than the occasional drawing, it was mostly text upon text of firsthand accounts and interviews. They spent hours pouring over the different exhibits, joking around about their own theories and speculations. Shea was able to forget her troubles, just for a while, and enjoy an afternoon with her best friend. It felt like they were in college again, sitting in the library and joking about their essay topics. It seemed like even as adults, there were some things they wouldn’t grow out of.

There was only so much time they could spend in the small museum, and after checking the time, they both decided they should head to the campground. Roswell had given them everything they had wanted to see, leaving Shea feeling satisfied as they exited the museum.

The sun was starting to set, casting the town in a soft, warm light. Their campground was just outside of the town in a state park, and Sasha insisted on driving.

“There’s somewhere I wanna stop first,” she said. Shea didn’t care, she’d follow Sasha anywhere.

They pulled out of the parking spot, and left downtown Roswell in their rearview mirror. It wasn’t long of a drive, and soon enough they were pulling into Bottomless Lakes State Park. There was a sign pointing towards the campground, but Sasha ignored it. She kept driving until she eventually turned off of the paved road and onto a dirt one. Slowly the ground inclined, and Shea could see the expanse of the park beneath them. Finally Sasha pulled off of the path onto a long expanse of flat earth, overlooking one of the larger lakes in the park. The water looked purplish in the fading light, and endless. Surrounding it was clay-coloured dirt, and with the colorful sunset painting the sky, it was absolutely breathtaking. Sasha put the car in park and grinned.

“The roof?”

“The roof.”

Their van was old school, with enough room in the back for a mattress (which they slept on most of the trip), and a ladder on the back door leading up to the roof. Sometimes they liked to sit on top of the car and stargaze, especially when they were so outside of civilization, where the sky was brimming with light. Shea reached back behind her and grabbed the large pillow with the arms for them to lean on, as well as a couple of smaller blankets. She got out of the car and watched Sasha climb up, then handed her the supplies so she could ascend the ladder as well. Once she was over the edge, she could see Sasha was already in place. She held her arm out to Shea, so Shea settled against her best friend with her back to Sasha’s chest. Sasha’s chin rested gently on the top of Shea’s head, and her arm wrapped around her waist.

It truly was a beautiful moment. The park was silent, and the lake was still as the sun slowly sank beneath the far mountains. Stars were just beginning to emerge, reflecting against the water. The air was finally starting to chill after a blazing day, just comfortable enough that the thin blanket strewn over Shea’s legs was enough. The view, paired with the sensation of Sasha’s body underneath hers, made the whole thing feel like heaven.

Fleeting, temporary heaven.

“I think this is my favorite stop,” Sasha admitted. “I wasn’t expecting it, because you know how much I hate the heat. But there’s something about it.”

Shea hummed in agreement. The whole day had seemed surreal. It was like they had traveled to a place removed from time and history. It just existed with it’s little gimmicks and unending desert. There was no Amsterdam, no home to return to. It was just the two of them.

“I’m going to cherish this summer,” Sasha continued. She had that waver in her voice that she always got when she was emotional. Sasha was such a caring person, she always felt things deeply and sincerely. When it came to being sentimental, she was the queen. Shea was usually her foil. She was the pillar, the one who could swallow her feelings like a bitter pill and put on a smile for the rest of the world. But not today. Over the past few weeks she could feel her pillar chipping and crumbling, ready to collapse into a feeble pile of defeat.

“Me too baby,” she whispered, not trusting her voice. Sasha held her tighter, and Shea felt lips on the crown of her head. That was it, it felt like the beginning of goodbye. Vegas was their last stop, and then they’d be apart for years. Shea could feel her heart sinking, like it was dropping into the center of the bottomless lake. She felt dark, and cold, and wet tears welled in her eyes before she could do anything to stop them.

Shea tried to mask it, casually swiping under her eyes like she was rubbing an itch. But Sasha was too perceptive.

“You make it so hard for me to leave,” Sasha admitted. Her fingers stroked soothingly down Shea’s arm, so Shea reached over with her opposite hand to link their fingers.

“I know you need to go, but it just started to sink in, and there’s so much I want to say but I know it’s too late.”

“It’s not too late,” Sasha argued.

Shea sat up and turned so she was facing Sasha. Sasha’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears, and her frizzy blonde hair was falling out of the bun piled on top of her head. She was so beautiful, so familiar, and Shea just wanted to sink into her, lose herself in those wise eyes forever.

“It is,” Shea insisted. “It doesn’t matter what I say. In five days, you’re going to be on a plane to Amsterdam, and I’m not going to see you for years. By the time you come back, things will have changed, we’ll have changed. There’s no use, Sasha.”

Sasha’s lips pursed, and she reached out to cup Shea’s face.

“But won’t you regret it? Not knowing what would happen?”

Shea’s heart stuttered in her chest. Did Sasha know? Shea had barely discovered her feelings, so caught up in her supposed straightness that she didn’t consider Sasha more than just her platonic soulmate. Shea still wasn’t sure what she was, really, she just knew that she was in love with Sasha.

There was no way Sasha could know that, though. Their friendship worked so well because, for both of them, it was platonic. Shea with her endless string of unsatisfactory boyfriends, and Sasha with her beautiful queer lovers. Shea wasn’t anything like the people Sasha was attracted to. And Shea was supposed to be straight, so Sasha wasn’t anything like the douchebags Shea was attracted to.

But here she was, staring into Sasha’s eyes, and the weight of the truth hung silently and heavily in the air between them.

“How can I love you from thousands of miles away?” Shea whispered. As soon as the truth left her lips, it was like an invisible hand was squeezing her lungs, keeping her from breathing as she waited for a reaction. Sasha still met her gaze, unflinching.

“The same way you love me now,” Sasha assured. “The same way that I’ve loved you. Nothing has to change, Shea. We’ve always been so strong, and I know that a little distance won’t change that.”

And there it was. Of course Sasha loved her too, it should’ve been so obvious. If Shea had been in love all of this time, if that had always been the nature of their relationship, then it should’ve made sense that Sasha felt the same way. Their friendship had always bordered on something more. Now Shea knew what that more was. And Shea wanted to believe Sasha. She wanted to believe that this, them, could continue with an ocean between them. There was a fiery confidence in her eyes that warmed Shea’s heart.

Finally, Shea felt hope.

“I believe you,” Shea promised. Sasha smiled, and Shea’s stomach flipped. There was nothing heavy now, it felt like. Now they were among the stars.

Sasha shifted forward, and with her hand still cupping Shea’s cheek, their lips met. The simple act of kissing Sasha assured Shea that this was right, this was what she wanted. It still felt like a goodbye, but like a new beginning as well.

Sasha was wrong, things were going to be different. But that wasn’t a bad thing. Now, with their lips sliding softly together, things were starting to get better. As fingers slipped into Shea’s hair, she knew she had made the right choice.

She wasn’t losing Sasha. They were entering a new chapter.

“I hope it was clear that I love you too,” Sasha added, pulling back. Shea laughed and pressed their foreheads together.

“Yes, it was clear you dork,” she chuckled.

For the first time that entire trip, Shea felt like things were going to be alright.

#sashea #stella #lesbian au #fluff #sasha velour #shea coulee #rpdr fanfiction

[gatoseliana]

Disneyland | Nickana

TAGGING: @strummingnick & @gatoseliana

WHEN: August 1st

WHERE: Airport, Plane, Hotel, Disneyland

NOTES: Nick and Eliana start their Disneyland vacation and some other firsts. 

WARNINGS: smut at the end - this is really fucking long you guys. we’ve been working on this for a month! 

Eliana was so excited about going to Disneyland with Nick. They really needed a break from the real world and the two of them had never been before so it was gonna be nice to do something new together. Especially something as fun as Disneyland. The flight was early in the morning that Tuesday and Eliana's mom was dropping them off at the airport. Eliana had packed her bag with as much clothes that could fit, including the cute matching ones that Nick had bought for them. It was perfect. As their arrived at the airport Eliana stepped out of the car with him, saying goodbye to her mom. "Be safe and have fun okay?" She told them. Eliana smiled. "We will!" She looked over at Nick. "Ready to go?" She asked. Eliana was nervous for the flight. She had never been on a plane before. Her family wasn't really one for vacationing but she was glad that Nick would be there by her side the whole time.

Nick could barely sleep the night before, knowing that he was going to Disneyland with with Eliana. Carole couldn't stop hugging him before he left, but he promised to try and call her everyday. At least text her to let her know how the trip is going. "Bye, mom," he teased, waving at her. At Eliana's question, he nodded, breathing in a deep breath. "I think it'd be pretty cool to teleport straight to Disneyland, rather than go through TSA or whatever it's called. I don't need anyone feeling up my junk," he flat out said, shaking his head. Nick pulled his ticket out of his pocket, curious to see what gate they were leaving from. "Gate.. 5." Nick hated airports. They were always so crowded and most of the people were rude. Granted, he'd only been in one just a handful of times, he always hated the experience.

Eliana laughed. "Except for me of course" she joked and walked with him to security. She got out her ID and took her ticket from Nick. She stood in line with him and smiled up at him. "Teleporting would be fun though, not just because of Disneyland but just for everything. I could teleport to you whenever I wanted. Can you imagine people just popping up in random places. I feel like that would be a good movie" Eliana laughed.

Nick felt his cheeks turn a shade of red. "Of course except for you. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't want my girlfriend touching my junk?" He brought her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the skin on the back of her hand. "I think they did make a movie about that. It's called Jumper, I think. It's got Hayden Christensen or whatever his name is and that Rachel Bilson chick. He'd teleport to different cities and on top of mountains and what not. I think he even teleported into a bank one time." Looking away from his girlfriend, he saw the lines for security. "Fuck," he muttered, shaking his head. "I hate this part," he said before getting in line.

Eliana giggled to herself and she raised her eyebrows for a moment. She took a breath as he kissed her hand. "OH..." She laughed. "I forgot about that movie. Yeah Rachel Bilson was in The OC. I loved that show. That would be so bad if everyone could teleport, I would steal all the time. You'd never get caught." Eliana got in line and looked up at him. "This is why we came early" she said. "I read up all about flying. You're supposed to arrived two hours early. Hopefully it goes by quick" Eliana said wanting to stay positive. "Also we should probably get used to standing in lines. It's like practice for Disney right?" She laughed.

Nick nodded. "She was also in that one show that my mom liked. Uh, Hart of Dixieland or something. But totally. We'd never be able to have anything and I'm sure almost everyone would become criminals." He paused for a moment, looking over at Eliana. "You'd really steal all of the time? My girl, the badass criminal." He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face as he teased her. Brown eyes looked around the area around them, checking the lines. "I hope so. I'd hate to just stand here forever and miss our flight. I'd probably just get pissed off if that actually happened." When she mentioned practice for Disney. "Well, I researched it, and someone had a plan to get through rides quickly, instead of standing in line all day, if you're down to do it." He took a step forward in line, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck, already feeling the stresses of the airport.

Eliana "I've never seen that before. Seriously though. Maybe just you and me can have that power and no one else. Yeah that sounds good" She laughed. Eliana swallowed. "yeah super criminal." Her mind wandered to all of those murals she tagged around town. No one knew they were hers and she didn't want to get in trouble but she enjoyed it. It had been a while since she actually spray painted one, since the accident. "We're not gonna miss out flight." The moved up in line and smiled. "See we already are moving" Eliana nodded. Yeah we need to make the most of these four days! I wanna do everything! When we get to the hotel we should plan out exactly what we wanna do each day so then we are organized."

Nick laughed. "Yeah, I think only we should have the powers." A silence fell over them, and he looked at Eliana, who seemed to be in her own world. "Babe? You okay?" Nick ran his fingers through his hair as he watched the TSA search people. He looked at Eliana, a smile on his face. "I'm down for that! I'll pull up the thing I found once we settle in." They moved up more in line, surprisingly moving very quickly. "Maybe things will work out smoothly, yeah?" Eyes were glued to a guy getting stripped searched.

Eliana snapped out of it and she nodded. "I'm fine" She looked over at him and smiled. "Yeah of course." Soon enough they were in front of the line, Eliana put her shoes and suitcase on the conveyor belt and stepped through the metal detector. The TSA officer let her go through and she smiled. Now all they had to do was get to their gate and relax until they boarded. Eliana looked behind her at Nick as he went through the detector. She smiled at him. "That wasn't so bad was it?"

Nick kept his eyes on her, making sure that she was really okay. "Okay, babe." As soon as they were in the front of the line, he took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves down. He sat his belongings on the conveyor belt not long after Eliana did, timidly walking through the detector. A wave of calmness washed over him as he stepped through. The last thing he wanted was to be frisked in the middle of the airport. As he grabbed his belongings, Nick walked over to his girlfriend, shrugging at her question. "I just really dislike TSA, but now that that's over with, we can head for the gate and just chill." He smiled at her before taking her hand in his, the gate number running through his head over and over again. "I don't think that we have a long way to go, which is good. Do you want to get something to eat or something before we go and sit down?"

Eliana smiled. "I'm sorry babe" She said rubbing his back as they walked. She held his hand and nodded. "Yeah I'm starving and I dont wanna pay for expensive plane food. I looked up the little menu online and its just a sandwich for like 10 bucks. So not worth it." She nodded. Eliana looked around and pointed towards the food court. "We could go get something over there?" She suggested. Eliana knew that Nick was nervous but hopefully she could ease his mind. It was her first time flying too but it was more exciting for her than anything else.

Nick felt the muscles in his back relax at the feeling of her rubbing his back. At her mentioning how much a sandwich on the plane is, his eyes widened. "Seriously? Holy shit. Why would anyone pay that much for a sandwich?" He shook his head, trying to get over the idea of a ten dollar sandwich. Brown eyes were looking for the gate before her question caught his attention. "Yeah, that looks like a good variety," he said before veering off their course towards the gate to the food court. "Do you have anything particular in mind that you want to eat?" He let go of her hand for a moment before fixing the strap on his bag. Nick brought his hand back down next to hers, fingers gently running over the palm of her hand.

Eliana laughed. "I know what happened to five dollar footlongs?" She rolled her eyes. Eliana moved towards the food court with him and she sighed contently as he played his fingers on her hand. She squeezed his hand gently, a silent 'i love you' that she tended to do. "How about pizza?" She asked. "That sounds yummy and not super heavy you know. I refuse to have to get up to go to the bathroom on this plane. Plus we are gonna have a stranger sitting next to us and just...no" She shook her head and looked up at him for an answer.

Nick furrowed his eyebrows at her question. It actually made him wonder about it. He shook his head, shrugging it off. Feeling her squeeze his hand, he just smiled to himself before bringing her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. "Pizza sounds great, babe," he said, returning the hands to where they were previously. "Yeah, I don't like going to the bathroom on planes. To cramped. Maybe, though.. we won't get a stranger next to us. Maybe we'll luck up and be put by ourselves or something." He paused for a moment, shrugging. "At least..we can hope so." Feet carried him deeper into the food court, keeping her pulled close to him, considering how crowded it was.

Eliana smiled as he kissed her hand. She looked up at him with heart eyes. She walked with him towards the pizza place and got in line. "I know. Oh that would be nice. We would have lots of room to stretch out" She smiled. "It's a long flight.." She sighed. The flight from Ohio to Anaheim was about 6 hours and for Eliana to sit still for that long was a long time. She ordered a slice of pizza and a drink as they got to the front. They paid and were handed their to go boxes. "You wanna sit here or at our gate?" She asked as she held her box in one hand and her dr pepper in another.

Nick couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face, heart thumping loudly in his chest. Licking his lips, he nodded, definitely wanting room to stretch out, considering he's not exactly on the short side. Ordering the exact same thing that Eliana did, Nick felt his stomach growl as he stood there, waiting on the food. Contemplating her question, it only took several seconds for him to answer. "How about the gate? That way, we'll be there already and we can prepare for the flight." He stood there for a moment, letting a good bit of people go by before finding an opening for them to escape the food court.

Eliana nodded. "Sounds good to me." They got to their gate and Eliana sat down near the gate desk. She looked up at the screen saying they were boarding in about an hour. She set her bag at her feet and looked over at Nick, smiling before she opened her personal pizza box. "So, once we land we need to get a ride to our hotel. Do you wanna take an uber or a taxi or something?" She asked.

Nick smiled as he sat down, letting out a small sigh through his nose. He moved his bags to where they were in front of him, so he could keep an eye on them. "Yeah. We're going to have to. I don't think I can rent a car, unfortunately." Opening his box, Nick relaxed more into the chair, bringing the slice of pizza up to his lips. In no time, the pizza was gone, and eyes searched for a trashcan. "Do you want me to take yours, babe?" He stood up, eyes on her.

Eliana ate her pizza quickly and she handed the box to Nick. They waited for a while at the gate until they were announcing that they were boarding. She got her pass out and moved her bag by her side as they stood up to get in line. They called their zone and soon they were getting onto the plane. It was a lot smaller than she thought it would be and Eliana hoped she didn't get too claustrophobic or anything. Now that they were on the plane and seating she was getting more nervous than she thought she would. She reached over to hold Nick's hand as passengers kept coming in and flight attendants walked back and forth through the isle.

Nick felt as if it was taking forever for it to be time for them to board the plane. When that time came though, he felt his nerves starting to heighten. He was more excited than anything. Once they took their seats and got ready for the plane to take off, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of gum. "Do you want some? It's good for the ears, in case they pop." He squeezed her hand, trying to reassure her of everything. "I'm sure the flight will feel like it won't take long at all." Nick leaned over, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. As everyone settled into their seats, they started the safety video with a few flight attendants in the aisle.

Eliana took the piece of gum that Nick offered and she popped it in her mouth. "Thanks" She said softly. She squeezed his hand back and nodded. "I hope so" Eliana watched the video and she made sure to remember all of it. She had seen this stuff in movies before but never in real life. She reached for the safety pamphlet in the pocket in front of her to follow along. Soon enough the plane was moving and they were getting onto the runway. Eliana squeezed Nick's hand once more and she swallowed hard. "I'm scared" She admitted.

Nick nodded, a smile on his face. "Not a problem." When she admitted that she was scared, his heart almost broke. "You're going to be okay, babe." He let go of her hand, wrapping his arm around her frame, wanting her to feel protected. Generally, plane's were safe, so he wasn't too worried. It wasn't long though before they took off. His arm tightened around her, trying to get her nerves and her fear to subside, at least a little. "I love you," he said, whispering into her ear, nose against the side of her head. Luckily, no one had gotten the seat next to them, so he was glad that no one was there to judge the two of them, or squish them, either one.

Eliana As the plane took off Eliana tightened her grip on the seat and her currently open window she shut closed quickly. Hearing Nick's words whisper in her ear calmed her. A lot. She looked back at him and smiled softly. "I love you too" She said softly. Searching his eyes she realized that after a few moments there were just flying in the air now and it was more calm. She kept her eyes on him. "I love you a lot" She nodded. Sometimes the thought of how much she cared and loved Nick brought her to tears. Not today...but almost. "What would I do without you?" She asked.

Nick smiled at her words, hand moving to tuck some hair behind her ear. "I don't know. Hopefully, you can't live without me," he said jokingly. "Well, I'm sure you could live without me, but hopefully, you don't want to live without me." Eyes searched hers, their surroundings not even mattering to him at the moment. His heart beat in his chest, almost with a thud as he looked at her. "Damn. I don't think that I can ever get enough of you. It's almost like you're too good to be true." His cheeks turned a shade of red as they sat there.

Eliana shook her head. "I hope I never have to" She smiled. Eliana blushed and she licked her lips, looking down at her hands. "You're too sweet" She said. "Don't worry I'm real though, this is real. But I know what you mean" She said taking his hand. "Sometimes I think it's all too good to be true too. Like this is just some dream that I'm gonna wake up from and you're gonna go back to just being my best friend." Her mind went back to that day at six flags on the boat ride. She had fallen so in love with him since then.

Nick looked down at their hands, that smile still on his face. "I'm not going anywhere," he said, voice low, face getting closer to hers. "You're stuck with me being your best friend, your boyfriend, and whatever the future holds for us." Nose brushed against hers before closing the distance between their lips. The kiss was soft and simple, about five seconds long, before he pulled away, pressing his forehead against Eliana's. "I'm pretty sure that I could love you forever," he said, slowly closing his eyes, keeping his forehead against hers. It wasn't until he heard the flight attendant's cart that he pulled away from her, knowing that they'd want to know what they'd want to drink and if they wanted a snack.

Eliana looked back at him and she kissed him softly. She smiled when he pulled away and she looked into his eyes. "Good, because so could I" She smiled. Eliana pulled away and she looked up at the flight attendant asking for a ginger ale if they had any. She needed to settle her stomach a little bit. They just ate pizza so she wasnt feeling super great at the moment. The flight didn't seem super long especially since Eliana slept half the time on Nick's shoulder. She woke to the sound of an announcement from the pilot saying they had arrived and would be landing in a few minutes. She opened her eyes and looked over at Nick sleepily. "Hi" She smiled.

Nick just asked for a water from the cart, wanting to balance out the soda that he had not too long ago. It wasn't long until he noticed that the Eliana was asleep, so he just put his headphones in one of his ears, wanting to keep an ear out in case she woke up or if there was an announcement. Apparently he got lost in the music because the next thing he knew the pilot came over the intercom. He heard Eliana say hey to him, and he automatically smiled. "Hey, beautiful," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "How did you sleep?" He squeezed her hand gently, eyes still on her.

Eliana rubbed her eyes gently and she yawned. "Good." She slowly opened the window and braced herself for the light. "Look how close we are to the ground!" She smiled. "I'm so excited. We made it" Eliana looked over at Nick and smiled widely. The nerves from taking off were non existent anymore and now she was just excited to get to their hotel and the park.

Nick thought she was absolutely adorable when she was just waking up. There was just something about her. Her excitement just made her even more adorable. Once they landed and were given the all clear to finally get off the place, Nick waited until the aisle wasn't as congested before he grabbed whatever they brought onto the plane in one hand and her hand in the other. "Off to grab our bags," he said rather loudly, over the roar of other people. Once they were finally in the airport, he just took a breath. "We're in California." His eyebrows rose in excitement, a huge smile on his face.

Eliana got off the plane with him and they followed the signs to baggage claim. She laughed and looked up at him. "Yeah we are!" She looked out the windows of the airport when they reached baggage claim and she smiled. "Look there's palm trees out there! That's so pretty!" As they waited for their bags, Eliana pulled up the app to get an Uber. "So 15 minutes" She said showing him her phone. They walked outside to wait and Eliana was hit with the heat. "I should have worn shorts" She laughed.

Nick wrapped his arm around her as they stood outside, waiting on the Uber. "You can change into shorts when we get to the hotel, if you want." It felt as if in no time, they were in the car, riding towards the hotel. As everything passed by, he just stared at amazement. "This is so awesome," he said, squeezing her hand. Once they were in the room and settled in, the duo had decided to go to a club for their first night in California, and at the mention of changing clothes, Eliana remembered a pair of shorts that she had recently bought. When she showed him the shorts, if he had anything in his hands, it would have been in the floor. "I think you're trying to kill me, babe." To avoid staring at her, he slid his shirt off before rummaging through his suitcase to find a tank top, pulling it on.

Eliana frowned for a moment and shrugged. "What?" She looked at him take her shirt off and she wondered if she should change right there or going into the bathroom. She looked away and moved back towards her suitcase, looking for stockings or something she could wear underneath. Deciding to change right there, Eliana pulled her pants off and slipped into the shorts. She took her top off as well and looked through her bag, topless. She found a tank top that could match and then looked in the floor length mirror on the wall next to her. "How do I look?" She asked.

Nick ran his hand through his hair, a sigh escaping through his nostrils. "It's nothing bad, I don't think," he said, turning to look at Eliana. He noticed she was changing, and quickly turned around. Hands quickly ran over his jeans, trying to get the sweat from his palms. Plus, he need to calm himself down. At her question, he turned around, heart starting to beat faster. He nodded, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. Eyes quickly moved to the ground, still nodding as his hands went to his own waist. "Yep. You're definitely going to kill me. Or generally just frustrate me in general."

Eliana raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm sorry...should I change?" She asked. She didn't want to make Nick uncomfortable. Eliana walked over to him and she leaned down kissing his lips softly. "We're gonna have fun tonight right?" She smiled at him.

Nick shook his head, trying not to look at her. "No, no. You can wear whatever you want. Just be prepared for a bit of.. awkwardness from me." He saw her in front of him and he looked up in time to have her lips against his. "Of course. We always have fun together." He smiled, hands slowly moving to her waist before standing up, body close to hers. "So, when are we leaving?" Nick swallowed hard, trying not to feel awkward.

Eliana watched him stand up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're cute when you're awkward" She smiled. Eliana pulled away and sighed. "Well as soon as you want to. I'm already ready to go" She smirked and posed a bit. She grabbed her phone and stuck it in her pocket as well as her ID and some cash. They had gotten to the club and Eliana was so excited about just having fun their first night in California. She pulled Nick through the dance floor with her and found a bar table to sit at. "It's crazy in here" She laughed.

Nick felt his eyebrows furrow together when she sighed, but his face changed immediately at her words. "Alright. Give me just a second." He rummaged through his suitcase again, pulling out a thin sweater, pulling it on. Quickly, he sprayed his body spray onto the shirt, throwing the can back into his bag. Nick was ecstatic for their first night in California, and they were going to a club. Once they sat down, he let out a breath and a sigh. "It really is. I mean..damn." He shook his head before looking around the room. The club was absolutely crazy at the moment, and he couldn't really believe he was here because a club wasn't really his scene. "Do you want a drink or do you want to dance first?"

Eliana "No, you don't have to buy me a drink." She showed him the big black 'X' on her hand. "You'd get in trouble" She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "You get a drink and we can dance" She smiled at him. Eliana hopped off the stool and she leaned over kissing Nick's cheek. She ran her hand across his shoulders as she walked behind him towards the dance floor. Eliana never got embarrassed so dancing by herself was no big deal. She enjoyed herself.

Nick shook his head. He knew ways around hiding alcohol. Granted, he's not one to get absolutely wasted, but drinking at family parties is what he did best sometimes. Feeling her hand on his shoulders, they tensed slightly, starting to present his awkwardness again. He walked over to the bar, ordering a beer. It only took a few minutes, but paying the bartender for the bottle, Nick headed for the dance floor, brown eyes searching for Eliana. Finally spotting her, feet carried him closer before he stopped in his tracks. Eyes fixated on her, watching her every move. "I'm screwed," he muttered before bringing the beer to his lips.

Eliana was dancing to the music and she moved her hips back and forth and turned around seeing Nick. "Nick!!!" She yelled and walked over to him. "Dance with me" She said taking his free hand. Eliana pulled him to the dance floor and she moved her hips to the music, standing close to him. She laced their fingers together and she smiled at him, genuinely happy.

Nick almost spit his beer out when she yelled. Before he could say anything, he was being drug to the dance floor. It wasn't that he didn't like to dance. He just didn't dance often. Seeing the smile on her face though, Nick couldn't get enough of it. His body moved with the music and with Eliana's, just enjoying being there with her.

Eliana wrapped her arms around his neck. "if you spill that on my I kill you" She teased. Eliana leaned in and she kissed him softly. She continued to dance with him. They enjoyed the rest of the night and as sober as Eliana was she really had fun. It got later and later and soon it was so late that hurt body was getting tired, especially from dancing. "I'm probably ready to go soon. What about you?" She asked.

Nick finished off his fifth beer, hearing her question. "Yeah. We probably should go soon. We have to be up early anyways, right?" He grabbed her hand, moving away from the dance floor. "Do you want to walk since it's not that far? I'll give you a piggyback ride, if you want one." He tucked some hair behind her ear before wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Eliana "Right!" She smiled. Eliana nodded excitedly. She loved when Nick gave her piggyback rides. "You sure you're okay to give me one. I mean you are 5 beers in babe?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. Eliana took his hand and they walked out of the club together and onto the street. It was a little chilly outside but all the sweat and body heat inside made it feel nice.

Nick laughed at her question. "Babe, I'm perfectly fine to give you a piggyback ride. It takes a lot more than five beers to get me even tipsy." After a moment, he licked his lips, still tasting beer. "I'm just a bit more relaxed is all." Once they were outside, he squatted down, arms out a bit. "Hop on, beautiful." Once she was on, feet started to carry both of them towards the hotel. "You okay back there? You cold?" Warm hands were on her legs, but his mind was trying to travel anywhere but those legs.

Eliana shrugged. "Okay" She hopped on his back and wrapped her arms around him once they were outside. "It's freezing but I'll deal" She smiled. As he carried her to the hotel she smiled to herself, just happy being with him. Once they were inside she hopped off his back and took his hand, walking towards the elevator. She pulled out the room key from her pocket and smiled over at him. "Thanks for the ride" She smirked.

Nick laughed. "You're welcome," he said before leaning up against the wall. "See. Those five beers didn't really effect me." He quickly winked at her, moving inside the room once the door was open and Eliana walked through. Closing the door behind him, he slid the long sleeved shirt off, playfully tossing it at her. "How early do we have to get up, babe?" He moved to his suitcase, rummaging through it, debating on what he was going to wear to bed.

Eliana smiled. "Good" She said. Eliana laughed and caught the shirt that he threw at her. "Early" She said. "I wanna make the most of the day" She sat on the bed and watched him go through his suitcase when suddenly a little box of condoms fell out onto the floor. She raised her eyebrows and looked at him. Eliana had been thinking about being with Nick recently. She had been wanting to tell him for a while but wasn't sure how to bring it up. She knew he was ready and was just waiting for the okay from her. Seeing those condoms on the ground she didn't know what to say.

Nick nodded, still looking through his clothes, not even remembering what he had packed. "Sounds good to me." Feeling eyes on him, he looked at Eliana. "What?" He stepped back, kicking the box of condoms. Looking down, he realized why she had been looking at him. "It's just a precaution. I'm not saying that we have to, but just in case we do decide to. We're prepared." He bent down, picking them up. After a moment, Nick spoke again. "Plus, my mom made me pack them as a just in case type of deal." By this time, his cheeks were a deep red, feeling the embarrassment and awkwardness. "I'm sorry," he said, softly, running a hand quickly over his face. At this moment, he kind of wished he was drunk to save him from the embarrassment.

Eliana raised her eyebrows and she just watched him explain and get all awkward and flustered. She thought it was adorable when he did this. Eliana stood up and she put her hands over his. "Maybe we will use them." She said looking up at him finally. "I've been thinking about it a lot." She nodded. "I think I'm ready" She smiled up at him with love in her eyes. Eliana loved him to pieces and she would never want to do this with anyone else but him.

Nick looked at Eliana when she spoke. "Wait, what?" An eyebrow rose, surprised at her words. "A-are you sure?" He didn't really know what to say. Squeezing her hands gently, he licked his lips, heart pounding in his chest. "I know you.. probably haven't thought about this, but.. when would you.. want to?" He stumbled over his words, still not believing what he was hearing. Nick swallowed hard, knowing this was going to be on his mind for awhile.

Eliana shrugged. "I think we should just let it happen." she said. "I mean...planning it seems like too much pressure you know. I thought about maybe while we were on vacation. Just...we have privacy and don't have to worry about anything else but us you know" She smiled and cupped his cheek. "You're so cute when you get nervous like this. Relax babe." She leaned in and kissed his lips softly. "It's just me remember?"

Nick completely agreed with her. "I agree. I just didn't know if you had it planned or not. I know some people like to do that." When she told him to relax, he exhaled deeply, trying not to be so awkward. "I know it's just you, but I get so nervous. Like I'm going to say something wrong or something. I'll try not to be though." He brushed some hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear, quickly. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Eliana "Well I want it to be special but I realized that being with you is going to make it special you now." She smiled at him. "Nick you could never say or do anything wrong. Just be yourself because that's who I love." She blushed a little and smiled. "Yeah yeah I know" She teased. "Thank you. You're not so bad yourself mister." She took the box out of his hand. "So...we can save these for later" She smiled and tossed them back into his bag.

Nick smiled. "Okay, okay. Be myself. Got it." He shook his head for a moment before laughing at her tossing the box of condoms back into his bag. "Come on, babe. Let's get ready for bed." With a lopsided smile, he pressed a kiss to her lips. "We have an early morning ahead of us, and I don't even know what time it is." He backed away from her before sliding the tank top off his frame.

Eliana "It's late" She smiled. Eliana kissed him softly before getting ready for bed. They had a long day ahead of them in the morning. It was about 8am when the alarm went off that morning. Eliana moaned and rolled over in bed, away from Nick's body to turn off her alarm on her phone. She opened her eyes and yawned. "Hey, time for Disney" she said softly with a groggy voice as she shook Nick lightly.

Nick felt her moved away from him, but he didn't want to get up. "Five more minutes," he said, voice a bit gravely. When she shook him though, he slowly sat up in the bed. "I'm up, I'm up." At a little faster pace, he started getting ready. Once he was finally finished, he sat on the bed, yawning.

Eliana sat up and she smiled. They got ready pretty quickly considering they were super tired that morning from the night before. She get dressed into their matching Disney shirts that read Soul Mate. It was adorable and perfect for their first day at Disney. She sat on the bed next to him. "No yawning its fun time!" She smiled and bounced a little on the bed.

Nick shook his head, rubbing one of his eyes. "Damn. You are too perky in the morning sometimes, but I still find it adorable." He smiled a little before leaning over, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. Standing up, he sighed, feeling his pockets to make sure he had everything he needed. Grabbing his phone and wallet, he slid the items into his pockets before turning back to her. "I guess we should get going, yeah?" Nick held his hand out to her, eyes still looking a bit sleepy..

Eliana "Not even true. I'm only excited because we are going to Disneyland. Like actual Disneyland!" She smiled. Eliana grabbed the little backpack she was bringing with her and nodded. "I'm ready" They made their way down to the lobby where they had a shuttle going from the hotel to the park whenever they needed. They hopped in and were on their way. Eliana was getting even more excited. She got out her phone and Snapchatted the two of them. "So where are we going babe?" She asked, camera facing him as they sat on the shuttle bus together.

Nick stepped onto the shuttle and went to sit down, trying not to be so groggy. Hopefully, he'd be good to go by the time they got to the park. Seeing her camera pointed at him and hearing her question, he lifted his sunglasses, showing his tired eyes. "Back to bed." He smiled for a moment before lowering his sunglasses and laying his head on her shoulder. "You smell good," he said, voice raspy again.

Eliana laughed. "NO! We're going to Disneyland and Nick is a party pooper" She laughed as she talked to the camera. After she posted it to her story she looked down at Nick with his head on her shoulder. "Thanks" She said softly. "Lets get something to eat when we get there yeah?" She asked. "We can find something breakfast!" Eliana wrapped her arm around him.

Nick did a fake dramatic gasp, only causing him to cough. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "I'm not a party pooper. You just killed me last night with all the dancing." He turned his head to kiss her, realizing that the only thing there to kiss was her neck. So he pressed a kiss against her skin. "But it's okay though. I'd do it all over again." He left his head right where it was at. "Breakfast? That might actually wake me up a bit. That and some coffee." He closed his eyes, and the next thing he knew, they were at the park. Standing up, he let Eliana go ahead of him, but he grabbed hold of her hand, not wanting to lose her in the crowd.

Eliana laughed. "I'm sorry" She smiled. "Do you have a hangover?" She asked. Eliana smirked and she turned her head down to kiss his lips before letting him rest his head back on her shoulder. "Oh coffee sounds amazing right now." She nodded with wide eyes. When they got to the park Eliana was on full adrenaline. She was so excited and everyone was so friendly already. Down mainstreet she say people lining up to meet Mickey and Minnie. "Nick!!! Look!" She said jumping up and down. "Okay first things first. Food and coffee" She opened the map and looked around. "Hey they have starbucks here!" She smiled. "How's that sound?"

Nick shook his head. "Nope. No hangover. Just tired as fuck." Once they were through the gates, he could tell that Eliana's excitement level went from a 10 on the scale, to about a 100. He just thought she was completely adorable. When she said something about Starbucks, Nick nodded. "Yeah. I'm down for a caramel macchiato. Where is it?" He looked on the map, realizing he would totally get lost without the map. Feet carried them towards Starbucks, the movement waking him up a bit more. "So where are we going after Starbucks?"

Eliana "ohh me too!" She smiled. "Umm..this way" She said walking and showing him on the map. Eliana was pretty good at directions and could always remember things once she had been there once before. They found the starbucks and got in line. She pulled out the map again. "We should go on a big ride to wake you up. Maybe Space Mountain?" She asked. "We could hit every land in a circle maybe? I'm not sure how people usually do it." Eliana shrugged. Two people behind them tapped them on the shoulder. "You should get fast passes" They said. Eliana turned around and she looked at the couple behind them. "It's out first time here." Eliana smiled. "Yeah get fast passes because then you can go through the line quicker than everyone else, you just have to come back in an hour. It will tell you on the pass. You just scan your tickets at the station." Eliana looked at Nick and shrugged. "Thanks!" she smiled. "It's easier to do that and just go on all the short line rides while you wait for your fast pass" They woman said. Eliana nodded. "Okay" She looked back at Nick. "We could do that."

Nick followed her, but never did he expect someone to just randomly talk to them. Especially people that don't work at Disneyland. Although they did give the pair some really good advice. "Yeah, I'm totally down for that. But I'm going to need my coffee first." He wrapped his arm around her waist, continuing to walk towards whatever direction he thought Starbucks was in. "Maybe we can hit up some booth or something for fast passes? I don't even know what to look for, babe." After a moment, he looked at Eliana. "Do they have a picture of them on the map or a little icon for them?"

Eliana They made their way to the line in at Starbucks and she nodded. "yeah look it shows which rides have them. I guess its the big rides" She shrugged. "We can ask someone how it works. Like...a worker" She smiled. They got their coffees and something to eat as they sat at a bench on Main Street. "There are so many people here" She said as she watched people walk by and drank her macchiato.

Nick took a sip of his coffee, trying to be careful to not burn his tongue. At he comment, he looked at Eliana, smiling. "The only person I want here is sitting right beside me." He leaned over, pressing a kiss to her cheek before taking another sip of his coffee. "So, what fast pass do we want to get first? Space Mountain..or something else?"

Eliana nodded and smiled at him. "Yeah we can get that one first and go on everything else in Tomorrowland while we wait maybe?" She asked. She looked at the map and looked over the rides, seeing how far away it was from where they were. She handed it to Nick to look at it. "We gotta get you awake. That coffee making you more awake?" She asked. Once they were done they started walking hand in hand towards Tomorrowland.

Nick looked at the map as they walked, trying to figure out exactly where they were at. He finally saw a name that looked familiar, so he used that as a point to see where they were at and where they needed to go. "I'm slowly getting there," he said, finishing off his coffee, recycling the cup. "So, get fast passes for Space Mountain then go on rides in Tomorrowland? Sounds like a plan to me." As they continued to walk, he saw a fast pass kiosk. "Hey. We can get fast passes here, babe. If we don't understand it, we can always ask someone." He started walking towards the kiosk, trying to watch someone else use it.

Eliana followed him and she frowned. "Wait..." She stopped him. "The sign says its only for the Buzz Lightyear ride..' She looked around and found someone who works for. "Hi, how do you get a fast pass for Space Mountain?" She asked. "It's out first time here and we aren't sure how it works." The worker explained how there was a fast pass station at each of the popular rides. You slide your ticket in the box and it gives you a pass that you bring back between the times that it says you can and then you get into the fast pass line. "So if you wanted Space Mountain fast passes then you go over to Space Mountain ride around the corner and it's near the end of the line over there through the long hallway type thing pass Pizza Port." He smiled down at her as he pointed. "You can only get one fast pass at a time but as soon as your return time passes you can go get another one which makes it easier to hit the big rides faster." She looked over at Nick to make sure he heard all of what the worker had told them.

Nick looked up at the sign, furrowing his eyebrows. "Oh," he simply said. When she moved over to a worker, Nick followed close behind. He listened to what the guy had to say. He nodded when the guy spoke. "Pass Pizza Port and through the hallway. Got it." He looked down at Eliana before giving the guy a smile. "Thanks, man," he said before feet started to carry him towards the direction the worker said. "One fast pass at a time, but we can get another one once the return time passes." He was repeating it so he could remember it. "We just have to look for the signs, right?" He looked at Eliana before bumping into someone. "I'm sorry," he said, frowning.

Eliana walked with him and she stopped when he bumped into someone. "Hey" She said taking his hand. "You okay?" She asked. Eliana turned back around and she looked up. "Um...I think that's probably Space Mountain right?" She asked looking up high at the white round spaceship looking thing. "It looks like a UFO!" She laughed. Eliana dragged him towards the long entrance and saw the fast pass sign. "Babe, look. This is a star wars ride. I didn't know that was Disney" She said looking over at him. "I wonder if that Star Tour thing was Star Wars too?" She shrugged. Eliana had still never seen the movies despite everyone's gushing about them.

Nick nodded. "Yeah. I'm good. I just didn't mean to bump into them." He looked at Eliana, a slight frown still on his face. At her question, he looked up. "Yeah, it looks like it." That frown immediately turned into a smile. "You didn't know Star Wars was Disney? That's was a big thing in the news. But I don't remember what year it happened." Shaking his head, he started walking towards the fast pass kiosk thing. "Come on, babe. Let's get these fast passes, and go do something else for the time being." He followed the instruction on the machine, getting a fast pass. "Hey! I did it."

Eliana "Baby...does it look like I read the news..especially about Star Wars?" She asked laughing a little. They got their fast passes together and walked back out of the hallway. "So in an hour we can come back" She said. "Oh look see it says we can get another one in an hour. So maybe in an hour we can go get another one somewhere else and run over here to ride this!" She smiled. "Yeah lets find something to ride!" She got the map back out and pointed at where they were. "Look at that car thing!" She said pointing to the Autopia ride where you get to 'drive' a little car on a track.

Nick looked at their fast passes, seeing what she was talking about. "Yeah, I'm down. Maybe we could go ahead and decide on what ride we want to get a fast pass for, so he kind of know where we're going." When she pointed something out, he grabbed her hand, a huge smile on his face. "Come on then. Let's get on it." He started walking backwards, facing her, as he started gently pulling her along. Turning around, they stopped at the end of the line, being glad that it was short. "So we're staying here until the park closes, right?"

Eliana smiled at him and she followed as they got into line. "Yeah they close at midnight. Oh we could watch the fireworks!!" She smiled. "I just wanna do as much as we can the next four days you know" She nodded. Eliana squeezed his hand and she leaned against the railing in line. "We can ride rides and meet characters, see the shows." She nodded. "Just being here already makes me forget about everything back home. I wish we could stay forever."

Nick was kind of shocked about what time they close. "Seriously? Damn. Are we staying the entire time? I mean, we're getting up early to come back again, yeah?" At her comment, Nick nodded. "Tell me about it. All of those stresses are gone, at the moment. All I'm worried about is you and this trip." He smiled, stepping closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. Pressing his lips to her forehead, he left them there for a moment, content.

Eliana shrugged. "Maybe because its summer so people aren't in school." She laughed. "We don't have to stay the entire time!" She looked over at him and she frowned. "Don't worry about me though" She smiled and leaned forward pecking his lips. She wrapped her arms around him and she closed her eyes for a moment as he kissed her forehead. It was like they were in their own little bubble. The entire day they went running around the whole park and it was starting to get dark. "My feet hurt" She whined and then laughed. "I'm ready to go back to the room. What about you?" She asked. They were starting to rope off areas for the night parade.

Nick loved the entire day that they spent at Disneyland. It really was a magical place, and he couldn't be more excited to come back the next day and have another adventure with Eliana. At her statement, he laughed, but then he heard her question. "Yeah. We can go ahead and go back. Maybe we can beat some traffic and what not." Taking her hand, he started walking towards the gates. "You want another piggy back ride, babe? At least until we can get to the gates?" He turned around, brown eyes looking at her. "Oh, and we might want to get a ride back to the hotel somehow because I don't particularly want to walk. I did enough of that today."

Eliana nodded and she hopped up onto Nick's back. "You're the best ever" She smiled. "Oh hell no am I walking back to the hotel. That's too far!" She laughed. "I'll call the shuttle. She got on the phone while he was giving her a piggy back right to the front entrance. They went through Downtown Disney and to the drop off and pick up area where they could wait for the hotel shuttle. She hopped off his back and smiled, pulling him down for a kiss. "Thanks babe" She smiled. Once they were back in their hotel she flopped down on the bed and smiled. "I'm tired but I also feel really wide awake right now. Day one down and three more to go!" She smiled.

Nick closed the hotel door behind him when she laid on the bed. "I know how you feel, babe." Sitting his bag down, a sigh fell from his lips before he quickly stripped the shirt from his body, trying to cool off. "It's still hot as hell." Walking over to the air conditioner that was in the room, turning it on. "Much better," he said before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "We'll probably be exhausted by the time we get back home."

Eliana watched him take off his shirt and she smiled a bit. He was very handsome and no one had really made her thing about that before. "Yeah it is" She said softly. Eliana sat up and faced him on the bed after slipping her socks and shoes off. Her fee really were killing her and she knew she would feel this everyday they were there. "I plan on taking the longest nap ever when we get home" She laughed. Her laugh faded and it turned into silence for a moment. She pushed him slightly and smirked, teasing him a bit for no reason than that she could. "I love you" She said simply. She couldn't say it enough.

Nick laughed at her remark about the nap, shaking his head. Eyes moved to look at her when she pushed him, lopsided smile on his face. "I love you too, baby." He leaned over, pressing a kiss to her lips before moving to face her. "You up for a foot massage?" He looked a bit unsure after the question left his lips. "I wasn't sure about how you felt about people touching your feet." Hand rested on her leg, his smile fading a bit into a small one.

Eliana kissed him back softly and she nodded. "Really?" She asked. "You can touch my feet...or you know anywhere" She nodded and blushes a little. Eliana sat back on the bed and she looked over at him, her feet sticking out for a foot rub. She watched him closely and smiled to herself.

Nick rose an eyebrow, lower lip moving between his teeth. Hands started working at her feet, eyes staring into hers. "So..anywhere huh?" Tongue darted out, licking his lips as silence filled the room. Thumbs continued working on the muscles on her feet, hoping that he's doing her some good.

Eliana watched him rub her feet, sitting there shirtless. She nodded. "Yeah" She said softly and looked back at him. She knew what he was thinking and maybe she was thinking the same thing too. She sat in silence just watching him. The foot rub was amazing but maybe Eliana wanted to do more than that tonight and she wondered if he could read it on her face like he usually did with everything else.

Nick kept his eyes on hers, thumbs still working at her feet. A blush reached his cheeks before he looked away. "Are you sure?" His voice as low as he let go of her feet, starting to crawl up to her, body almost over hers. "If you're not sure, it's okay." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, not wanting to take anything too far. Nick brought his hand up to her neck, letting it rest there, thumb caressing her jaw.

Eliana felt her heart racing so fast and she watched him crawl up her body. She nodded. "I'm sure" She whispered. Eliana leaned up slightly and she pressed her lips against his. She was so nervous but it was also very exciting at the same time. She leaned back on the bed so she was laying down down and her legs spread open for Nick to rest between them.

Nick kissed her back almost immediately, thumb still caressing her jaw. Nerves were starting to build up in the pit of his stomach, but he was nervous in a good way. He was still a bit unsure. Nick was so afraid that he would screw things up with Eliana. After a moment, he pulled away slowly, still close to her lips. "Do you want control? We can go your speed and do whatever you want." He pulled away a bit more, continuing to look at her. "This is about us, but this is your first time. I just want it to be good for you." With a breath, he pushing himself up and off the bed, moving to grab a one of the condoms out of his bag.

Eliana kissed him back and she looked up at him as he pulled away. She shook her head. "no no please..I really don't want to be in control because I have no clue what I'm doing" She said softly. "I'm nervous but...I also want to" She nodded. Eliana watched him get up and grab the condoms from his bag. She sat up and for the first time in her life she felt embarrassed. The idea that she'd have to strip down in front of him was scary. She she had changed in front of him and everything but it was different this time. She stood up and walked towards him. "I guess I should...take my clothes off right?" She asked as she looked at him. Eliana took a breath and she reminded herself that this was Nick, the man she loved so much and wanted to be with for as long as she could remember. "This is a big deal" She laughed a little. "I'm making it awkward."

Nick watched her closely as she got up and walked to him. He honestly didn't know what to say. How was he suppose to make things easier for her when his stomach and mind weren't making things easy for him? Clearing his throat, he reached out, putting one of his hands on her waist. "It's okay, it's okay." He moved to wrap his arms around her in a hug, hoping to reassure her of things. "If it will help you feel a little more comfortable, you could always get undressed under the blankets and stuff." He looked at her again, a reassuring smile crossing his features.

Eliana wrapped her arms around him and she thought about it for a second. "I want you to do it" She said softly. Eliana moved closer to him, their bodies just inches apart. She looked up and searched his eyes. After the exhausted day she was surprised that she was so awake right now but Nick had that effect on her. "I love you" She whispered. He hand moved onto his bare chest and she took a breath in unison with his. She smiled softly at him.

Nick kept his eyes on her, heart pounding in his chest. "I love you too," he said before slowly leaning in, pressing his lips to hers. Nick was still hesitant, but he timidly reached down, grabbing at the bottom of her shirt, tugging on it a bit. It wasn't until after a few moments that he slid it off her frame, tossing it in the floor.

Eliana kissed him back and she pulled away from the kiss as he slipped her shirt off. She leaned back into the kiss because kissing was the safe zone. She knew how to kiss him and she liked making out with him and it was familiar. Her heart was racing and she moved her hand down his bicep. She pulled away just inches from his lips so she could speak. "I'll tell you to stop if I want to okay?" She said. "But right now I dont want to. I want to be with you. I want you" She whispered and attached her lips to his once more.

Nick nodded at what she said. "Okay," he muttered, before she kissed him again. It had been awhile since he had been intimate with anyone, so he knew he'd be rusty. Three years. If Nick would have thought to wait, he would have waited for Eliana. Slowly, with hands shaking, he tugged on the belt loops of the shorts she was wearing, pulling her body closer to his. It took several moments, but fingers started to work at the button of her shorts, still trying to be cautious.

Eliana smiled against his lips when he pulled her by her shorts. She let him slip them off and they dropped to the floor. She stepped out of them still kissing Nick, never parting. She stood there in her underwear and bra and she moved her arms around his neck. This was all so intimate with him. She never thought she would be doing this with him but here she was. All those years crushing on him and then finally being with him had seemed like a dream.

Nick felt her arms around his neck, and his hands automatically went to her waist, gripping it firmly. With his chest pressed against her bra clad one, after what felt like forever, he felt as if it was his turn to lose his pants. He fumbled slightly with the button of his own shorts before they fell to the ground. Stepping out of them, the kicked them to the side, hands starting at her waist and moving ever so slowly up her back. Nick's heart was pounding in his chest as he pulled away just slightly. "Sorry," he muttered. "My lungs were starting to burn."

Eliana pulled away and she looked down between them. She laughed a little and nodded. "It's fine" She looked at him and kissed his cheek. "Are you nervous too?" She asked, knowing the answer was yes because Nick wore his nerves right on his face while with Eliana it was harder to tell when she was nervous. She just got good at hiding it. She touched his cheek and smiled. "Maybe we should get under the covers?" She asked.

Nick felt bats in his stomach as air was starting to feel his lungs. A lopsided smile appeared on his lips, eyes looking at her. "Yeah. I am." His brain wouldn't shut up, no matter how hard he tried. What if it would be horrible for her? What if she didn't like it? All of these thoughts were reeling through his head. When she touched his cheek though, his brain stopped for a moment. Nodding, he completely agreed with Eliana. "I need to grab another condom. I kind of dropped the other one when you told me you wanted me to take your clothes off." He brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck.

Eliana laughed a little at his comment and she nodded. She moved back towards the bed and moved under the covers. She laid down and watched Nick grab another condom. Her stomach was doing flips but the excitement was still there. Eliana pat the bed next to her for him to join her under the covers. The lights were already dim in the room except the small lamp on the dresser.

Nick turned around looking at her, heart about to explode out of his chest from nerves. He froze when she pat the bed beside him. Fingers moved to his arm, pinching himself, wanting to make sure that it wasn't a dream and he was actually going to be very intimate with Eliana. He moved over to the bed, climbing underneath the covers. Swallowing hard, Nick just stared at her, wiping his hand on his boxer briefs, seeing as his palms were a bit sweaty. He slid closer to her, body almost touching hers.

Eliana looked back at him and she turned on her side a little. She searched his eyes and moved towards him, their bare bodies touching. She leaned up and kissed him gently. He hand moved up to his cheek as they kissed. She could feel her nerves bundling up and her adrenaline was sky high. She ran her hand down his arm and towards his hand, making him touch her chest. Eliana wanted him to take control but she realized that Nick was just as nervous as she was.

Nick just wished that his nerves would go away. They were making him act completely different than what he normally would in the bedroom, but it was something that wouldn't just go away either. In a split second, he moved them both to where his body was on top of hers before he moved to press kisses to her neck, working his way down her body, lips wanting to touch every part of her. Over her breasts and down her stomach slowly, his eyes moved to look at hers, searching if she was having second thoughts. He sat up on his knees, fingers hooking into her underwear. "You okay?" Before he went any further, he wanted to make sure that this was what she wanted and she wasn't going to change her mind.

Eliana felt her body tremble a bit. She watched him kiss down her body and her eyes shut closed without even thinking. She looked down at him as he spoke and his hands were on her underwear. "Yeah. Perfect" She smiled down at him softly. Eliana looked him up and down and she kept that smile on her face. She lifted her hips for him to take her underwear off and she swallowed slightly. No one had ever seen her this vulnerable before but she was glad that it was Nick.

Nick slowly slid the underwear from her body, tossing them on the ground somewhere. Eyes raked over her body, breathing deeply. "Fuck," he said, moving back up her body. "You're absolutely beautiful, Eliana." Lips pressed against hers, nerves starting to subside. He pulled away, moving to pull his own underwear down, grabbing the condom that was laying beside them. "Are you ready?" His jaw tightened, taking in another deep breath.

Eliana looked up at him and she blushed a little at his compliment and kissed him back. She nodded at his question and looked down, watching him slip on the condom. She tried not to stare but he wasn't exactly very small. She swallowed and laid back more. "yeah" She said softly. Eliana closed her eyes as he slipped inside of her and her mouth turned into an 'o'. It stung a bit but not too bad and it felt different than anything she was used to. She looked up and him and put her hand on his arm. "Oh my gosh" She breathed.

Nick had guilt appear across his face after seeing her face and hearing her words. "I'm sorry if it hurts," he said, jaw tightening. He gave her a few moments to try and get adjusted to having him inside of her before moving his hips against hers. "Fuck," he muttered, burying his face into her neck. Hips continued to slowly move against hers, thrusting into her each time. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" Even though she felt really good around him, Nick wanted to make sure she was okay, first and foremost.

Eliana shook her head. "it's okay" she said. Eliana thought it would hurt way more and it actually started to feel really good. She nodded at his question. "No!" She moaned. "please don't stop" She wrapped her arms around him, one hand on the back of his neck. Her eyes fluttered closed and she bit down on her bottom lip. She moved her head to see him and attached her lips to his. She wanted more because it felt way better than she ever thought it would.

Nick went to say something else, but was stopped by Eliana's lips on his. Hips continued to grind against hers, picking up pace. As he continued to move with her, his breathing started to become uneven, and he had to pull away. Nick pressed his forehead against hers, lips parting a bit, a soft moan escaping him. Even if this intimate moment between the two of them started out as awkward, it would be one that Nick would always remember.

Eliana moved her hand to his cheek as he moved faster into her. She moaned against his lips and looked up at him, their foreheads pressed together. She pushed her hips up against his and kissed him once more time. Eliana's other hand moved to the sheets, gripping tightly by her side. "Fuck" She moaned and pressed her chest into his as she arched her back.

Nick let his hands run over her body before they finally settled. One at the small of her back and the other tangled into her hair, tugging on it just slightly. Hearing that word leave her lips, his heart beat harder in his chest. "So good. So close." he mumbled before kissing her again. Nick has always let a lady finish before him, and Eliana would be no different. Even if he had to pull out some tricks, he'd definitely make it happen.

Eliana arched her back more and her hand gripped his shoulder. She was close to being pushed over the edge and all she could think about was Nick and how crazy it was that they were doing this and how much she loved him. "Nick" She moaned and her walls tightened around him involuntarily. Eliana cursed and her back fell back against the bed.

Nick felt her tighten around him, and it brought him even closer to the edge. Although it seemed that they had their high together. His body started to collapse against hers, hips still slowly moving, letting her ride it out. "Fuck," he muttered, before his body finally collapsed against hers, face buried into her neck. It took a few moments before his body rolled off hers, laying beside her, trying to catch his breath. He turned his head to look at Eliana, licking his lips. "So much for sleeping," he said softly, voice a bit raspy.

Eliana laid there a little out of breath and she looked over at Nick laying next to her as he spoke. She burst out laughing and she shook her head. "Yeah" She calmed down and looked over at him sweetly. "I love you" She said softly. Eliana looked up at the ceiling and she sighed. It was perfect. It wasn't candles and rose petals but Eliana realized that she didn't need that and that it was perfect because it was him.

Nick just smiled widely as he heard her laugh. "I love you too," he said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder. "Was it okay?" He left his lips against her skin, fingers starting to caress her arm. "You're amazing, babe. And I definitely wasn't expecting that. That was amazing." Nick just looked at her and smiled.

Eliana turned her head to look at him and she nodded. "It was perfect" She whispered. Eliana smiled and stared back at him. "I'm even more tired now though" She chuckled. "We should probably get to bed. We have a whole other day at disney ahead of us" she nodded. Eliana turned on her side and she cuddled into him, both still naked.

Nick let his eyes stay on her as she spoke. He hummed for a moment, a smile on his face. "Well, sex tends to wear you out," he said with a small shrug. "But yeah. We should get some sleep." Arm snaked around her waist, a sigh of content escaping him. "I love you," he said before pressing a kiss to her nose, closing his eyes.

Eliana nodded. She closed her eyes and cuddled into him, pulling the covers closer. "I love you too" She whispered. After a while she was fast asleep in his arms, exhausted from not only what they had just done but from the entire day at Disney and Eliana couldn't wait to do it all over again in the morning.

#para #para: nick #para: disney

[nwkrp-blog]

                                  ⋆ — WELCOME HOME, TRAVELER.

THE SHORES HAVE GIFTED US A NEW RESIDENT. born on APRIL 10TH, 1995, YOON JEONGHAN has been on the island for 2 MONTHS and is currently a CONVENIENCE STORE CASHIER. you can always find them at PARADISE SHARE HOUSE, 101.

                                          ONWARD !

                                           ⋆ EVERY STORY HAS A REASON

it’s unplanned, as most of the things in jeonghan’s life go, and unexpected, at best.

four years around the globe is a high that’s difficult to settle down from, and it’s a crashing reality that wraps around his ankles and jerks him down. it’s not as if he expects to live a life of constant visa applications and a blur of languages forever ( is that even a thing? ), but the sudden stability comes as a shock as compared to the carefreeness that’s almost embodied into his being.

it’s no surprise when he screams sceptisicm! from head to toe the minute he steps onto mido, all sunshine and trees that come off to him as unbelievably cheery—fake, to an extent. he sees plastered smiles along the sidewalk, amongst the crowd, and even in the sunset glow, in almost every crevice he peers into.

it’s simply hard to believe that in a world that’s so cold, there is such warmth.

it doesn’t take long, though, before he’s dragged into the charismatic lull of the island and the sea—especially the sea—and life, at least temporarily, diminishes to a quiet hum, something it hasn’t been in a long time.

it’s as unsettling as it is unfamiliar, and it’s probably only a matter of time before he gets bored and leaves again ( just as he does with everything else ). after all, jeonghan doesn’t like staticity—never has, and never will. but there’s something about mido that’s almost irresistable, funny as it is, and jeonghan can’t help but think—

this isn’t home, not quite. but it’s shelter, for now, and he’s only twenty-two! astounding. it gives him about another sixty years to figure his shit out. not bad, really.

( who is he kidding? )

oh well. he’ll just have worry about it later.

                                          ⋆ EVERY STORY HAS ITS ROOTS

DESTINATION #0: HOMETOWN newark liberty international airport, usa

here lies a story of a boy, and an atlas.

yes, really, that is all.

it tells of how he clutches it tight in his hands at age seven. it tells of expectations and wonder, tucked away for later.

“boy, are you okay?”

“boy? boy. do you know where you are?”

“are you lost?”

smile.

“i don’t get lost. i don’t think that’s possible.”

DESTINATION #1: HOME AGAIN (EXCEPT NOT REALLY) seoul incheon airport, south korea.

rosewood and the coastline. that’s the general idea—theme, really, of the coffin jeonghan’s dad makes for his mom. it's what bad luck, people say, to have your husband who ultimately creates the vault in which your body lies in, with instructions to bury me near the sea please, near the shrub of ixoras and the cacophony of the waves, thank you. it’s a wish that, needless to say, is complied with.

and so this is how mrs. yoon ends up right by the coast, six feet under.

year twenty-eleven sees mr. yoon following right after, lying amongst his own crate of bamboo and the woodlands.

this tells of how jeonghan is stranded alone at sixteen.

soon adulthood—or something of the like, anyway—is bestowed upon him, and he suddenly finds himself ( young boy in a big city, fresh out of foster care and high school with no sense of direction whatsoever ) with a hefty trust fund and a sudden freedom that smacks him head-on with startling realisation.

the first plane ticket he holds is one he pins his hopes of something at least akin to happiness on, something that seems frighteningly close to a promise of a new beginning and many more tales to be told—and so is such.

DESTINATION #28: VOYAGE taoyuan international airport, taiwan.

where does he go, after all this?

his journey is still in its early stages. there’s so much more to discover.

but he detests the fact that someday, someday, he has to settle back down into a house and marry and have five children and a dog and earn big bucks, and he can’t just continue to live this fantasy of his own to travel around the globe and back again for the rest of his life ( and frankly, that scares him. ) normalcy is something that he’s never craved. impractical? yes. but what’s to stop him from chasing his dreams?

( in which, he has none. )

it’s not like he has a plan, anyway, but he’ll see how it goes. what’s there to lose?

where’s your sense of responsibility, jeonghan?

and if there’s one thing he’s learnt—really, you don’t have to have one to live your life the way you want to.

DESTINATION #56: REDEMPTION galeão international airport, brazil.

it’s amongst the colourful vibrancy of rio de janeiro’s favelas where jeonghan wonders if people simply see each country—each place, as just a name. it’s a pity if they do, he thinks, for each destination holds so much potential and he wishes everyone could see it.

it’s the sights and the people and the rough edges of each country’s native tongue that’s rubbed raw by familiarity that counts, and it’s almost hard to think of a life that lacks of such thing. it makes him wonder what he’d be doing now, if not for all his travelling. an office job? out in the streets?

guess he’ll never find out.

after all, he’s learnt a lot more while journeying across the world than if he were to be stuck in an office chair for ten hours straight—more than the languages and the culture. more importantly, he’s seen the beauty, and the ugly.

beauty is world heritage sites and tourist attractions. it’s the loud hubbub of people making their way through crowds and the overly commercialised goods sold in pricey stores. it’s theme parks and childlike excitement and dollar signs everywhere you look. it’s moneymoneymoney because only money can buy you happiness.

or at least that’s what everyone thinks.

ugly, however, is the darkened alleyways and shivering people crouched in a corner. it is the pickpocket that hungrily steals from your wallet and the sorrow in the eyes of the children that sit by the roads and cry for food. the ugliest of it all, though, is the way people walk away from them with nothing more than mere disgust or ignorance.

( but then you look again and there’s a man wrapping a blanket around the family and a woman that sits down and opens a feast in front of the child and a teenager who says please don’t steal i’ll buy you food and you see the hope hope hope and maybe there is beauty in the ugly after all. )

because first and foremost, we’re all human. some are just luckier than the rest.

DESTINATION #74: PITSTOP melbourne airport, australia.

it’s funny, jeonghan thinks, how even a mess of a hotel halfway across the globe feels like home away from home.

( but then again, home has never really held much meaning to him, has it? )

australia is mostly crisp leaves and cold air, but even as he walks through the bustle of the victoria street market, coffee warming in his grip, he stands out like a smear of charcoal against a white canvas. a mere wisp in the crowd, perhaps, but it’s never been clearer that he doesn’t belong here. or anywhere, for that matter.

it’s exhausting, to be frank. thirty-two languages and twenty-four countries later and he still hasn’t found a single place to ease himself into. it’s almost strange how he passes by an average of four hundred and sixty-two people a day, traipsing through a good twenty kilometers on worn out sneakers and yet, yet, all he’ll be remembered as is a blur of blonde without a name that sticks out like a sore thumb. or maybe he won’t be remembered at all.

who are you, jeonghan?

it’s a question he doesn’t think he’ll ever find the answer to.

DESTINATION #131: TAKEOFF stockholm arlanda airport, sweden.

sweden finds him as a barista in a quaint coffeehouse two hundred meters away from his lodging. he’s four months in—an amazing feat, to be honest—it’s practically unheard of for him to last this long.

it’s mostly only because he’s fucking tired.

he’s walked the streets of forty different countries and seen a thousand different sights ( but who’s counting, anyway? ), and the taste of korean is foreign on his tongue at this point. time’s a paradox and money isn’t pooling from his fingertips anymore. he’s exhausted—even the simplest act of booking tickets for a trip is one he doesn’t look forward to.

so when he hears of mido, it seems like a godsend. a ticket for an escape of this neverending cycle of pack travel leave, to a sunny island with promises of security and solidarity.

everything he hates.

you’re walking right into your own deathtrap, jeonghan.

( but what’s he escaping from at this point? the last time he checked, it was reality. )

and so he looks back, the residue of each country marked on his passport, and boards the last plane he thinks he’ll be on for a long time. he’s seen enough of the world for a twenty-one—almost twenty-two—year old, anyway.

maybe this is his ticket to happiness.

DESTINATION #0: SQUARE ONE seoul incheon airport, south korea.

mido island. a new beginning.

( a lie. )

that’s what he said the last time, isn’t it?

#nw:resident

[forcedapotheosis-blog]

Solstice Ch. I

Alright fellas, the next chapter of Gloomy Days will be taking a little longer because reasons (I wrote them down here, if you care [x]), but that doesn’t mean that I stopped writing. What you see here is the first chapter of me trying to go back or rediscover my roots my roots as an amateur author. It’s not that evident in the first chapter, admittedly, but it’ll be getting better. I hope. And you’ll be seeing what I mean. So, what else? It has SaNami in it, because I can’t fucking help myself, is set in an alternate universe that is close to ours (Artistic License: History will be put to work a lot) and .. Sanji (the only planned PoV) will be a little out of character, but it’d spoil a lot if I tell you now in which way. Well, anything else .. let me see.

Oh yeah, reading my other fanfics I kinda came to the conclusion that, even if they are basically only about SaNami, I never really let them interact with each other (I mean, they will in the last few chapters of Gloomy Days, but looking at the other two I posted, it’s .. really not that much), that changes in this one. Hope that you’ll like it (since I’m an antisocial asshole and kinda clueless about this), but even regarding my roots it’s .. well, a little uncharted territory for me. Have fun reading it and have fun in general. The world, at least for a libtard like me, is looking really bleak right now (though I have the feeling that it’s getting a bit better in Germany) and I desperately hope that someone is enjoying his time.

Disclaimer: One Piece and its characters don’t belong to me.

PS: Thanks for all the people reading, liking and reblogging stuff. And, that deserves mentioning, special thanks to the people who sacrifice a little time to comment/review them, no matter if done here, on ff.net or archives. Always makes my day.

Chapter I: On The Road

Dearest brother,

We all remember the miserable circumstances that forced our family apart, but many years have passed since these awful times and no one of us can deny that he dearly missed the sight of you at father's funeral. I thought you might have wanted to know that, even after all the trouble and strife mother and he went through, he found his final place of rest right next to her, three years ago. Seeing him pass away made it clear to your brothers and me that we have a duty towards all members of our family to fulfill, to strengthen bonds and not sever.

You've been gone for so long, Sanji, and I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't my sincerest wish to see the rest of the family united again, even if just for a few days. And before you ask how I found out your address, what a time to be alive, isn't it?

The internet, cellphones, planes and even good old trains are all human inventions made with the thought in mind to bring humanity closer together. And in these wonderful times, it's no big deal to find out about a handsome and gifted young cook on the internet.

I'm so happy for you that you were finally able to settle down and work yourself all the way to the top. I even thought about visiting you at the Baratie, but I didn't know how you'd react. And what would've happened if I just called? I'm very sure that you would have just hung up on me, my dear brother. Thus I started writing this letter, wishing only that you think about my proposal before burning it, I beg of you.

Father's passing has shown to us all that life is ephemeral and everybody could go at any time. It would fill my heart with joy to see you again, Sanji, even if it is for the last time. You always were the best of us and I wish to see how you turned out.

The family will gather at our old demesne in the North, three weeks from now, arriving on the 20th of December to celebrate Yuletide together. Niji and Yonji will bring their girlfriends with them, and even though Ichiji is still a bachelor, his beautiful secretary, a splendid and resourceful young woman, will accompany him.

If there is someone special in your life right now, don't worry: There will be enough space to accommodate everyone.

Longing to see this family together again,

Reiju

PS: I enclosed two train tickets for you and your possible company. The train will arrive at around 23:35 if everything goes right and one of us will pick you up.

He read the letter for what felt like the hundredth time. Reiju did sound sincere about her wishing to see the family reunited. That and the fact that, besides his mother, she was the only member of his family he had any fond memories of, heavily influenced him when he made the decision to accept the invitation. Nonetheless, he kept asking himself if it was the right way to go. Over a decade ago, he broke ties with his family for good, a decision forced upon him by his father. But he's dead now, and every soul deserves peace. Maybe this could actually work out, now that he's gone? And even if not, at least trying it would have made mother happy, he told himself. Reading the letter over and over again and justifying his actions with the thought of his mother on his mind occupied most of his travelling time and he was happy about it, in retrospective. The train ride was long and mostly boring since the countryside wasn't something to write home about and he always thought about the North as being cold, rainy and bleak anyway, with dismissive residents to round up the package. Well, if the shitty weather's anything to go with, this reunion will go down the drain in no time., he contemplated while leaving the train at the empty station that was his final destination. It was astounding that a train would actually regularly visit this place. It seemed abandoned, and while a few defunct lights at rail stations were not a rare sight at all, finding a functioning one here felt like a lottery win. He never liked visiting the old manor, even when he was still a child and his mother still around to provide counterweight to his father. The place, he could recall, did seem to drain her energy more than usual and sleep never came easy in the old halls. For you, mother, I'm giving this a chance., he steeled himself and left the station to step out into the heavy rain that was pouring from the heavens. Even though winter and snow should be upon the country in full force, especially so far up north, there was no such thing as a white Christmas this year. Or a white Yuletide or whatever his family was referring to. It didn't make a huge difference, just .. what, three days? He put up his black umbrella when he left the, at least mostly, dry railway building and immediately felt all alone out here. The people on the train were taciturn, but at least they were there. And when he stepped off of it, he could at least spot a lonesome conductor. But out here? There was just a whole lot of nothing inhabited by no one in a perimeter of around ten kilometres. At least somebody's going to pick me up. Well, somebody should be coming to pick me up. But maybe this is all just a cruel joke, made up by my .. by those guys. I assume that was the last train until tomorrow morning and they'd be laughing quite a lot, knowing that I'm stranded here, in the middle of shitty freaking nowhere., the likelyhood of this situation being construed just to mock him sent a fit of rage and heat through his body, but besides clenching his fist in suppressed anger, there wasn't a whole lot that he could do about it. A cab might have been a possibility, but taking him to the nearest hotel would cost a small fortune. Besides that, it was doubtful that there even was a cab or some other kind of public transporation that he could use to solve that problem. Walking then, maybe?, he continued to contemplate after cooling down a bit, coming to the conclusion that walking the way to the nearest hotel would've been an even worse idea than coming here in the first place. If it was at all possible, the rain grew even stronger and the streets around these parts were not reinforced. Within a few meters, he'd be covered in mud from his feet up to his hip. And he didn't really feel like sacrificing his expensive leather shoes for the sake of his pride.

Cooling down had another effect on him though, his senses came back and the surroundings felt even eerier to him than before. The lonely guard was nowhere to be found and the feeling of being isolated in a hostile and uncaring world grew stronger by the minute. The cover of darkness  was literally impenetrable and not even the slightest ray of moonlight made its way through the thick, black clouds that had conquered the heavens. Still, there was nothing left to do other than cursing this damned family. He breathed in sharply when familiar sounds reached his ears and broke through the staccato caused by the heavy rain. A car!, he thought, somewhat relieved. Maybe the driver was on his way towards town and would give him a ride for a few bucks. He held out his free hand to hail the driver, as the other one was occupied with his umbrella, and balanced his black suitcase on a raised knee, all the while it seemed that every single drop of rain from all over the world decided to come here for vacations. Sure, he might've looked a little silly, standing there in the rain on just one leg, but he wouldn't risk his suitcase getting soaked. Even the roaring engine of the machine fought a losing battle against all the noise. Nonetheless, the driver did seem to see him as he pulled the car right in front of Sanji. Holy .. that's one nice car., and exactly that it was. The owner seemed to value precision German engineering and craftsmanship and when it came to cars for the higher echelons, one could say that Mercedes was unmatched. Yeah, well, not the whole truth, but there's some truth to it., he silently commented, approaching the window on the driver's side.

His heart made a loud thump when the interior lighting of the car was ignited and revealed a single ray of hope, an angel that promised to lead him through this darkest night, no, a fiery goddess to burn the shadows away, he thought. Her gentle, round and maroon-coloured eyes were fixated on him and she finally lowered the window. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea at all to travel to this place?

"Mademoiselle truly is a sight to behold, thou art so fair, where hast thou been ..", but then she cut him off.

"I take it that you're Sanji?", other than the fact that she interrupted him, there was nothing rude nor unfriendly about the way she talked, and her voice would've made him an obedient slave under literally any other circumstances. Still, his heart grew heavier by the seconds. She's associated with my family. Great. Yeah, absolutely great. I should've just walked out of here., he finally lowered his hand and took hold of the suitcase again.

"I fear that's exactly who I am.", he admitted, feeling as alone as ever. And there it was, just a beacon of light in a night that seemed unending. She smiled at him. Just a normal, casual smile that even total strangers might exchange on their way to work. But seeing it on her face, on her full lips, and extending to her eyes, it could've melted stone or split the mighty mountains in two.

"What are you waiting for, then? Put your case in the trunk and hop in, I'll give you a ride!", and he did as he was told, taking his place on the seat next to her. And she's even more beautiful when I'm not in the middle of a cloudburst., he thought, taking a look at the side of her face. Flawless, beautifully carved. A literal goddess without contest. She even smelled the part, the odour of her parfume told a promising tale of a celestial garden full of tangerines. He gulped when he realised that she caught him staring at her, looking at him with what could have been anticipation. And then it hit him, he was so enchanted by her looks, her smell and her smile - that one somehow stood out - that he forgot to introduce himself. Sure, she knew who he was, but that was common courtesy!

"I beg your forgiveness, mademoiselle, as the sight of you made me forget my manners. Please, allow me to introduce myself.", he slighty bowed his head forward and held out his right hand, palm  pointing upwards. And oh, how delighted he was when she softly placed her hand on his! It was not much of a touch, more like a butterfly gently landing on his hands. I need .. to stop this .. soon?, he tried to reason with himself, but there was no denying that the touch, even the slightest, of a goddess was as intoxicating as .. but he couldn't think of something that came even close to her. This woman was truly without equal. Her auburn hair, her flawless and soft skin, these eyes a man could drown in and die happy .. and he hadn't even seen her standing yet. But it was probably better that way, as he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering down a bit and, well, let's just say it poured fuel into the fire. It's been years since he had his last nosebleed, but now that his blood was rushing .. well, everywhere, he could already feel it knocking on the door. But wasn't there something he had to do? Realising that he was still holding her hand, he somewhat came back to his senses, softly brushing his thumb over her knuckles before lowering his head deep enough to breath a kiss – his lips were not touching her skin – on her knuckles.

"Sanji ... Vinsmoke, it is my greatest pleasure to make your acquaintance, mademoiselle.", to his utter delight, she let out a soft chuckle. And no matter how heavily the rain was hammering on the car, no matter how much noise it made, her reaction enchanted him more than everything he could imagine .. well, more than anything he could imagine safely, without risking a nosebleed.

"The pleasure is all mine, Sanji ..", good God, the way she pronounced his name sent shivers done his spine. "I'm Nami ..", a goddess called Nami? Very fitting. "And I'm your brother Niji's .. ", oh no no no no no, please, don't say 'girlfriend', please, please, don't say 'girlfriend' .. she paused for a moment which led him to finally let go of her hand, raising his face to restore eye contact. "You look a little distressed, did you see a ghost? I was just about to tell you that I'm your brother Niji's girlfriend.", that very moment, he thought that she must have been able to hear his heart breaking. Girlfriend.  His brother's. Taken. Shouldn't have come here .., he sluggishly thought. "That's .. great to hear, Nami. May I ask how .. long you've been together?", his voice threatened to give up on him, but he had to at least try to get on good terms with her. Just for the hell of it.

"Of course you may! Tomorrow it's going to be three years for the both of us, and if I'm being honest, I think that he's going to propose not long after.", well, everything got from bad, but alright, to wonderful to bad to worse to utterly freaking terrible in no time. Mere seconds ago, when she told him that she was Niji's girlfriend, he felt as if he had been suckerpunched by the world's strongest man. And there goes all the hope I had gathered since meeting the Goddess, never to be seen again, but now that she told him that she anticipated a proposal, he couldn't fall much deeper, could he? Once you hit rock bottom, the only way left to go was up. Trying to keep a straight face, even forcing a smile upon himself, he carefully chose his next words, even though his voice tried to betray him all the way.

"That's .. amazing news, Nami, really. I'm very happy for the two of you .. shall we get going, then?", yeah, good news for his despicable bastard of a brother. Maybe he changed for the better? A woman like Nami would never be in a relationship with that sodding bastard he used to be, maybe she even managed to change him?, the chances were slim, but he at least had to try to stay positive. One door closes, another one opens or whatever people in dire situations used to say.

"So, Sanji, are you sure that you're actually related to Niji and Yonji?", now, what kind of a question was that? Didn't she see his eyebrow? Also, he needed a cigarette right now. Without even thinking about the necessary movements, he snatched one of these little nails to his personal coffin out of a silvery case he carried in the inside pocket of his jacket before, again, forcing himself to look at her. "Come again? And .. would you mind if I smoke?", he really, really needed it. Even if she wouldn't allow it in the car, getting outside in the cold and rain didn't seem like a bad idea at all. Maybe it'd even help him to shake off the strange mixture of feelings rushing through his mind and body.

"I'm sure you understood.", there it was again, that beautiful smile that could melt solid rock. Genuine, beautiful and demanding an answer.

"Yeah .. they wouldn't have invited me otherwise, would they?", he still had the cigarette between his lips, waiting for an answer regarding that question. Instead of answering, she moved a little in her seat, taking the cigar jack out of its mounting and leaned over towards his side. And if that wasn't surprising enough for him, her next move definitely was. No clear thought went with it when he felt her fingers gently touch his chin to keep it, and by extension the cigarette, in place, her other hand, holding the cigar jack, moved upwards aswell and she gently touched the end of the cigarette with it, waiting for him to start inhaling. This gentle touch alone was as galvanizing as a date with an electric chair. Niji, his brother, any other man, being a gentleman. All of that seemed just so meaningless when one was confronted with the tender touch of a literal goddess. Her voice was little more than a whisper when she finally answered him again. And even though the rain was still as heavy as ever, his senses were so focused on her that he could've even understood her of she just thought.

"Will you forgive me?", she asked when the smoke finally hit his lungs and brought at least some relief with it, at least from the stress regarding the relevation a few minutes ago. But not even if one would take all the cigarettes existing in the entire world into account, not even if he smoked all of them at once, could they have even hoped to dampen the sensation he felt when she touched him.

"..?", right now, he'd forgive her shooting him in the stomach with a double-barrelled sawed-off shotgun. The cigarette was fully ignited by now and she lowered the hand holding the lighter, the fingers of her other hand were still touching his chin though. And he didn't mind it one bit.

"When I told your brothers, Niji and Yonji, the same story, they reacted with a mixture of fury and jealousy and some pretty creative swearing. You, on the other hand, and that's why I hope that you forgive me, seemed shaken but tried to remain your composure, stayed friendly and put whatever your own feelings regarding that matter were behind, even when I told you that he was likely to propose. I .. have to admit that I liked that. So, would you forgive me the small play, please?", she pouted at him. His mind though, yeah, that was still a blank place.

"So .. you .. Niji .. you're not his ..?", he stuttered slowly and she softly shook her fiery head for an answer.

"Nope, not in this life, not in the next one. I'm Ichiji's secretary. And, before you think any further, I'm only that. Nothing, not even a tiny little bit more than a secretary.", she added, obviously being familiar with how men regarded incredibly attractive secretaries. Finally, she let go of his chin, still pouting at him, waiting for an answer. Kinda sure she already knows it., after a few more seconds in which he kept the smoke in his lungs, he finally exhaled, breathing it out through his nostrils.

"There's nothing to forgive. That, and I admire your exceptional gift when it comes to acting, Nami. It was quite the sight to behold.", slowly, the creeping cold from from his damp clothing returned as the warming touch of her hand was gone. But when she smiled, it was all forgotten again. For a while now, they were just sitting there, next to each other, watching the other person silently and somehow just enjoying the company.

A while later, Nami finally put the car in motion and soon, they would finally reach the manor and Sanji would be forced to meet his family again.

Little did they know that, for whatever they might have felt in that moment, regardless of the role they had to play, they weren't even considered as worthy as a pawn.

And at the dead of the night, a solitary crow cawed defiantly against the raging storm.

#Sannami #Sanami #Sanji #Nami #SanjixNami #Sanji x Nami #NamixSanji #Nami x Sanji #One Piece #One Piece Fanfiction #OP Fanfic #One Piece Fanfic #Fanfiction #OTP #alternate universe #SaNa

[lesliepump]

Reflections on Being Fired as a 60-Year Old Lawyer

One

“I’m sorry, I have to let you go.”

The head of the firm managed to look sad. I had started working for the firm less than a year before. I had been brought in at 60 years old because the firm wanted an older, experienced attorney to mentor the younger employees in the firm.

I flattered myself in believing I had done this, sharing my trial experience, my voir dire questions, my knowledge of search and seizure case law, and my real-world understanding of what made clients tick.

“Can you tell me why?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“My lawyer told me not to say anything,” he said. The old dodge: Blame the lawyers.

“For what it’s worth,” he said, giving me a tiny sheepish smile, “I think you’re a good guy.”

I felt as if the floor underneath me had disappeared. I saw myself falling and falling and falling with no end in sight.

“I don’t like doing this,” the boss said. “You’re the first lawyer in ten years I’ve had to terminate.”

“Why does that not make me feel better?” I asked sickly.

I was 61 now. What the hell was I going to do?

My son would be getting married in two months. Fortunately, I had already purchased my airline tickets to the wedding in Indiana. The firm gave me enough in severance to get me through to then. But what would happen when I returned?

I half-jokingly told myself that maybe I would get lucky and the plane would crash on the way back. Financial problem solved.

I could look for another job, but I couldn’t indulge in the fantasy that I would find one. At my age, no one would seriously consider me, though they would all make a great show of doing so to avoid a discrimination claim.

Falling, falling, falling…

“What do you think I should do?” I said to my boss. He shook his head.

“Could you at least give me a recommendation letter?” I asked, grasping at the last tiny shred of dignity.

“My lawyer recommends we stay out of that,” he said.

When a lawyer loses a job, it’s different from when a real person loses a job. Most lawyers go through their lives with one or two firms, rarely facing the prospect of unemployment. To be fired would be an eternal black mark on my career.

I staggered out the door, boxes of my personal accouterment awkwardly in my hands. I was surprised there was still solid ground beneath my feet.

Two of my colleagues helped me get the boxes into the car and then stood outside with me telling me how much this sucked. I knew what they were thinking: What if this was me?

Finally, I drove off. I tried to pay attention to the road even though I was having an out of body experience.

I was untethered. It felt like my career was in my rear view mirror.

The silence after you are fired is earthquake-like: eerie and foreboding.

I drove home dazed, worrying I may not capably focus on the pavement unfurling in front of my empty eyes. I thought briefly about stopping for a late breakfast but quickly reminded myself that every penny would now be husbanded toward my survival for the next few months. Or years. Or forever.

Before I slid from the firm’s office, I had agreed to sign a liability release in exchange for two weeks’ pay. They seemed surprised I would agree to it so readily. But I was an at-will employee. Unless a firm insider went rogue and revealed some illegal reason for my termination—that I was too old and too expensive, for example—I would have no case. Better to squirrel away a few thousand now and extend my resources, right?

My final check and my severance paycheck sat on the passenger seat like unwilling children. They seemed to brood with every glance I stole at them. They totaled $5,000. About a month’s wages at the firm.

I walked into my apartment and slumped into the couch. At $1,400 per month, the rent would be crippling for an unemployed lawyer. I’d need to plot my exit before Halloween.

I looked around at my books, my television, the pictures on the walls. They were so frivolous, weren’t they? How much would they fetch in a yard sale?

It was strange sitting on that dark green couch I bought when I first arrived in Sacramento for the job. The couch and my Queen-sized bed set me back a cool $2,500 when I’d first moved in. I paid them off in three payments, sure that money was no issue for a gainfully-employed lawyer.

Now it mocked me: ‘”What a fool! Trusting your employer to keep his word!?!”

When hired, I’d explained that this needed to be my last job. I would work for until I hit 70 and would retire in honor. They readily agreed.

Now I was out on my ear, with no real explanation why. That, in my considered and pained and brutalized judgment, meant the explanation was probably an illegal one. My boss had even said, “My lawyers say I can’t tell you why.” It was hard to suppress the anger threatening to overwhelm my heart.

It’s like that old chestnut about the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk in the road: there are skid marks in front of the skunk. Well, I could relate. I couldn’t find a damned skid mark in front of me. No one even tried to stop this demise.

I called my friends. My brother. Some old public defender contacts in San Bernardino.

And I stared at the walls, at my pictures, at my books. I didn’t turn on the television—I knew the rattle of inane comedy would only manifest my tragedy.

I felt like I was still falling, falling. I had a little money in savings, but it wouldn’t last into November. One month. Beyond that, chaos. I had a vision of myself standing on a street corner in a ragged three-piece suit with a tattered “Will Sue for Food” sign. Would passers-by be amused enough to spare a few bucks?

As the numbness retreated, however, my ego slowly began to reassert itself. “You’ve been in tough spots like this before,” it said. “Let yourself grieve for a few days, then decide how you’ll spend the rest of your life,” it said.

It was a good plan. But my anger and my grief would last a long time. I felt conned. I told them who and what I was. I had been radically honest. They had not. It kept coming back to me, on a loop like a bad song the D.J. couldn’t quit.

Slowly, my shock was lifting. My ego was right. I had been in tough spots, both before and after I passed the bar. This was just one more. This was the Universe untethering me from a questionable job with a questionable employer.

Defiance was my best response. I grabbed my car keys and headed out my apartment door. I was going for dinner. And a movie.

Screw those guys. I was still alive.

The day after I’m fired is Saturday. Part of me wants to lounge on the couch and watch bad TV all day, drink diet iced tea and feel sorry for myself. This is something I need to do, I told myself, so that I can feel better, ready to revise and change my life Monday morning.

But I know better.

Oh, I tried it. But after I watched a stupid situation comedy which not only insulted my intelligence but made me worry about the survival of Western Civilization, I got off the couch and pounce on my cell phone.

It was time to call in the troops.

Specifically, friends and family who might be able to help me find another job. Or, at least, who could lend me money until I can start bringing in an income.

You truly find out whether your friends and family love you or think you’re a schlump when you lose your job. In this case, I was in for a pleasant surprise.

The first person I called was my friend Shelby, who has worked for the Public Defender in a Southern California county for 25 years. After I explained to him what had happened, he laughed.

“Knew it was gonna go South for you,” he says cheerfully. “Just had that feeling.”

“You’re a great comfort,” I said. I resisted the urge to climb through the telephone line and strangle him. After all, I couldn’t afford to alienate someone who might get me back to gainful employment, even if he’s being a jerk.

“I’ll ask around the office to see if they might want you back,” he said. Rude comment forgiven.

I called my friend Jerome, who is a little more sympathetic.

“How could they do that to you?” he asked. Jerome is one of those guys whom everyone likes. He’s never been fired, never will be, despite jumping around in his legal career. He now worked for the same PD’s office as Scott.

“I’m not sure how they could, but they did,” I say.

“I’ll talk to the head of the office. Maybe they want you back.”

As I said, everyone likes Jerome.

I’m feeling a little better now. I’m thinking I can return to Southern California and go back to work for the old office, the one I left voluntarily for the job I’ve just lost. Not exactly as a conquering hero, but at least intact.

I called my brother, my older sister, and a 30-years-long friend of mine to let them know the awful news. All three offered to lend me a thousand or so to keep me from being on the street. Since I am still flush with severance pay, I thanked them all and told them I might call on them in the future.

As I hang up the phone, I realized that I am far too good at dealing with disaster. I’ve been through this before, both as a civilian and as an attorney. I always managed to muddle through. I’m not sure how I do it. After I’m out of danger, I always seem to look back and marvel that I am not buried under a smoking pile of rubble along some lonely freeway.

As a lawyer, I should have been embarrassed to call these folks and tell them that I’d been fired. Termination of employment is not normal in the legal profession. Usually, one gets fired from a law firm or a public agency for some heinous crime, such as leaving a comma out of a pleading that leads to the motion being denied. Or sleeping with a client. Were I to choose my sin, I would go for the sin of commission, not the one of omission. It seems more fun. Alas, the reason I was terminated is still a mystery to me. All I knew was that I couldn’t talk my way back into the job.

I go online and begin applying for any Public Defender job I could find. Despite my ugly experience with the firm, I am convinced that I am a good PD. My clients told me so. My colleagues told me so. Even the judges told me so. In fact, in a roundabout way, the prosecutors told me so—they would give me a hard time about filing too many motions, announcing ready for too many trials. In other words, I was making them work. How dare I?

So I am not embarrassed. I am irked. I am scared. I am puzzled. But not embarrassed.

That comes later.

Two

I am invited into an office with a window view. A round table sits near the door. Bookshelves line the outer wall. Pictures of an indeterminate theme dot the walls.

This is my first interview since being “resigned” at the old law firm. I wish I was more nervous than I am. Sad to say, I’ve been through a lot of interviews in my career.

The man who greets me is tall, about six foot two. He has sandy hair and startling blue eyes. He would be perfectly cast as a Southern Lawyer defending some unjustly charged young teenager in a melodrama about racism. 

He is, in fact, from the South—Tennessee, he tells me. How he got to California is a labyrinthian story to which I listen respectfully.  He’s about forty, twenty-one years my junior. He’s the head of the local Public Defender’s Office.

“I’m trying to build this office,” he says. “It was a mess when I was appointed.” I don’t ask him why it was a mess. You never know where the sore spots are.

“I have a lot of experience in Public Defender Offices,” I say, hoping it’s a strong point and does not advertise the fact that my career has been a checkered one. Checkers? More like Parcheesi. 

We talk about what it means to be a Public Defender and how different it is from any other kind of job in the law. The difference between your typical private defense attorney and a Public Defender is that PDs have ethics, they have rules, they have 30 cases a day. A PD makes about a quarter of what a good private defense lawyer pulls in, though there are private lawyers that make ten times what a “line” PD makes—into seven figures. 

(So, you are asking, why don’t I go that way? Well, to get to the seven-figure private lawyer world, you must start as a solo practitioner when you are fresh out of law school and carefully build your practice over twenty years. Then you need a bit of luck—landing a case with lots of publicity. It doesn’t matter if you win. So long as you’re on TV and in the newspapers, people will remember your name. At 61, I’m a bit too long in the tooth to try to build such a practice.)

But there’s more to being a PD than just a lot of cases and too little money. To be a Public Defender is a mindset��you fight, you work for your clients, you remember why you’re there. The best Public Defenders know how to work hard for their clients without alienating the prosecutors. You get good deals from them because they know how hard you’re going to make them work at trial, even on a slam-dunk case; and because they get along with you. 

We talk about all these ideas. We feel pretty good about ourselves when it’s over. Our interview was scheduled for thirty minutes, but we’ve been going for nearly an hour.

He likes me, he really likes me. We have an easy conversation and agree on pretty much everything. I tell him that I can help him rebuild his office because I have the experience to help the younger lawyers. He nods his head.

“That sounds really good,” he says in his Southern accent. “I could use the help.”

I don’t spread my arms and say, “Here I am,” though I want to. 

I walk out of the office feeling good about my chances. I change into more comfortable shoes with my car door open in the parking lot just as my interviewer runs out, rushing to court. I smile sheepishly at him and he says, “I’ve had to do that myself.” Another connection.

On the way out of town, I check out apartment and home rentals. They’re much cheaper than Sacramento—about half so. This is looking better and better. 

I drive the hours back to Sacramento thinking I should start boxing everything up. I might get hired before the end of October when I will fly to Indiana for my son’s wedding. I’ve already bought the tickets. I’m pretty sure my new employers won’t have a problem with my disappearing for a week to see my only son get married.

I wait for the call to be hired. It never comes. To this day I haven’t even received a letter from that Public Defender’s office telling me thanks but no thanks. I guess rebuilding a PD’s office is so time-consuming you can’t dredge up the grace to say “no.”

Three

I have agreed to make an appearance for another lawyer in Dept 30 of the Superior Court. This is my first time back in court since the untimely demise of my career.

It is a misdemeanor court, so I will not see any of my former felony teammates. However, there will be others from the firm roaming the courtroom.

I see the woman who supervises misdemeanors for the firm. She is standing outside the doors talking to a tall man with a bad haircut. She is chastising him for some transgression.

I avoid her and sit in the audience. I contemplate my ruin while waiting for the doors to open. You know your career is near rock bottom when you start snapping up $50 to make brief appearances for other lawyers. You’re not even a pinch hitter. More like a stand-in for the movies. You are a non-entity, a nothing, a fool.

At 1 p.m. precisely, the bailiff opens the doors to Dept. 30.

The courtroom is both familiar and unfamiliar to me. It looks like every courtroom in which I’ve spent thirty years: Long row of chairs for the audience, a wooden “bar” at the front, a pair of pine-topped tables pushed together, the clerk off to the side in her little enclave and the bailiff at a small desk near the bar. At the head of the room, elevated so that one will be cowed by the majesty of the law, the judge’s bench. Mounted on the wall behind the bench is the Seal of the Great State of California. The goddess Minerva sits in the seal with her ill-fitting war helmet, a spear, and an impassive expression.

I sit in the audience, too embarrassed to sit in the jury box like I used to do when I was a person with a real job. The supervisor for the misdemeanors begins asking each person about their case.

“Which case are you here on?” she asks me. Then she looks closer.

“Oh, it’s you!” she says. I nod. Then she looks concerned. “Do you have a case in here today?” She’s thinking I committed a crime after I got fired. 

“I’m appearing on the Smith matter,” I say, “for another lawyer.”

“Oh, the bail matter,” she says, and moves on.

No other attorney from the firm acknowledges my existence. One, a burly ex-Marine with whom I had engaged in discussions about the military, the law, and being a public defender, slides his gaze over me. 

Another lawyer, a middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair whom I had helped with thorny legal issues, searches for his clients in every part of the courtroom except where I sit.

I get up and walk past the bar. I check in with the clerk, handing her one of my new business cards. Then I talk to a young woman from the DA’s office who is wearing matching purple jacket and pants, a daring look for a prosecutor.

I sit in the jury box, thinking that now my former office mates will recognize me and say hello. But they studiously avoid me.

I should be shouting “Unclean! Unclean!” to warn them that I am contagious and if they dare talk to me, they may be infected with the termination virus. How frightened they look. How cowardly. 

I am Banquo’s ghost, the unwelcome guest at the feast. To talk to me would be to acknowledge that they, too, might someday find themselves out of a job. Nothing has been officially disseminated in the firm about my termination, though it’s been implied by the higher-ups that some “emergency” required my firing. 

Judge Evans, who sometimes was friendly to me, takes the bench. He peers at me.

“What did you say your name was?” he asks.

I say my name and spell it.

I tell him I’m appearing for another lawyer and that we need the bail exonerated. There is a written motion, which he carefully reviews. He grants the motion. Then he’s on to the next matter.

As I turn to leave a young woman, dark-haired and brown-eyed, says to me, “Mark, I didn’t recognize you! How are you?”

She is also from the firm but she seems to be unafraid of my unclean status.

“I’m doing fine,” I said. She puts her arm around my shoulders. 

“This is my last appearance in Placer,” I say. “I’m moving to Southern California soon.”

“Good luck to you,” she smiles. We say goodbye and I walk out of the courtroom. I am contemplating why the big burly men were afraid of me but this young woman was not. 

As for myself, I shake the dust of the county from my feet. In a week, I am going to my son’s wedding. Then I’m moving back to Southern California, where I have a place to rent and friends in the court system. 

After my unfortunate adventure up North, I’m going home.

The post Reflections on Being Fired as a 60-Year Old Lawyer appeared first on Lawyerist.

from Law and Politics https://lawyerist.com/blog/being-fired/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

#Legal #law

[maxwellyjordan]

Reflections on Being Fired as a 60-Year Old Lawyer

One

“I’m sorry, I have to let you go.”

The head of the firm managed to look sad. I had started working for the firm less than a year before. I had been brought in at 60 years old because the firm wanted an older, experienced attorney to mentor the younger employees in the firm.

I flattered myself in believing I had done this, sharing my trial experience, my voir dire questions, my knowledge of search and seizure case law, and my real-world understanding of what made clients tick.

“Can you tell me why?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“My lawyer told me not to say anything,” he said. The old dodge: Blame the lawyers.

“For what it’s worth,” he said, giving me a tiny sheepish smile, “I think you’re a good guy.”

I felt as if the floor underneath me had disappeared. I saw myself falling and falling and falling with no end in sight.

“I don’t like doing this,” the boss said. “You’re the first lawyer in ten years I’ve had to terminate.”

“Why does that not make me feel better?” I asked sickly.

I was 61 now. What the hell was I going to do?

My son would be getting married in two months. Fortunately, I had already purchased my airline tickets to the wedding in Indiana. The firm gave me enough in severance to get me through to then. But what would happen when I returned?

I half-jokingly told myself that maybe I would get lucky and the plane would crash on the way back. Financial problem solved.

I could look for another job, but I couldn’t indulge in the fantasy that I would find one. At my age, no one would seriously consider me, though they would all make a great show of doing so to avoid a discrimination claim.

Falling, falling, falling…

“What do you think I should do?” I said to my boss. He shook his head.

“Could you at least give me a recommendation letter?” I asked, grasping at the last tiny shred of dignity.

“My lawyer recommends we stay out of that,” he said.

When a lawyer loses a job, it’s different from when a real person loses a job. Most lawyers go through their lives with one or two firms, rarely facing the prospect of unemployment. To be fired would be an eternal black mark on my career.

I staggered out the door, boxes of my personal accouterment awkwardly in my hands. I was surprised there was still solid ground beneath my feet.

Two of my colleagues helped me get the boxes into the car and then stood outside with me telling me how much this sucked. I knew what they were thinking: What if this was me?

Finally, I drove off. I tried to pay attention to the road even though I was having an out of body experience.

I was untethered. It felt like my career was in my rear view mirror.

The silence after you are fired is earthquake-like: eerie and foreboding.

I drove home dazed, worrying I may not capably focus on the pavement unfurling in front of my empty eyes. I thought briefly about stopping for a late breakfast but quickly reminded myself that every penny would now be husbanded toward my survival for the next few months. Or years. Or forever.

Before I slid from the firm’s office, I had agreed to sign a liability release in exchange for two weeks’ pay. They seemed surprised I would agree to it so readily. But I was an at-will employee. Unless a firm insider went rogue and revealed some illegal reason for my termination—that I was too old and too expensive, for example—I would have no case. Better to squirrel away a few thousand now and extend my resources, right?

My final check and my severance paycheck sat on the passenger seat like unwilling children. They seemed to brood with every glance I stole at them. They totaled $5,000. About a month’s wages at the firm.

I walked into my apartment and slumped into the couch. At $1,400 per month, the rent would be crippling for an unemployed lawyer. I’d need to plot my exit before Halloween.

I looked around at my books, my television, the pictures on the walls. They were so frivolous, weren’t they? How much would they fetch in a yard sale?

It was strange sitting on that dark green couch I bought when I first arrived in Sacramento for the job. The couch and my Queen-sized bed set me back a cool $2,500 when I’d first moved in. I paid them off in three payments, sure that money was no issue for a gainfully-employed lawyer.

Now it mocked me: ‘”What a fool! Trusting your employer to keep his word!?!”

When hired, I’d explained that this needed to be my last job. I would work for until I hit 70 and would retire in honor. They readily agreed.

Now I was out on my ear, with no real explanation why. That, in my considered and pained and brutalized judgment, meant the explanation was probably an illegal one. My boss had even said, “My lawyers say I can’t tell you why.” It was hard to suppress the anger threatening to overwhelm my heart.

It’s like that old chestnut about the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk in the road: there are skid marks in front of the skunk. Well, I could relate. I couldn’t find a damned skid mark in front of me. No one even tried to stop this demise.

I called my friends. My brother. Some old public defender contacts in San Bernardino.

And I stared at the walls, at my pictures, at my books. I didn’t turn on the television—I knew the rattle of inane comedy would only manifest my tragedy.

I felt like I was still falling, falling. I had a little money in savings, but it wouldn’t last into November. One month. Beyond that, chaos. I had a vision of myself standing on a street corner in a ragged three-piece suit with a tattered “Will Sue for Food” sign. Would passers-by be amused enough to spare a few bucks?

As the numbness retreated, however, my ego slowly began to reassert itself. “You’ve been in tough spots like this before,” it said. “Let yourself grieve for a few days, then decide how you’ll spend the rest of your life,” it said.

It was a good plan. But my anger and my grief would last a long time. I felt conned. I told them who and what I was. I had been radically honest. They had not. It kept coming back to me, on a loop like a bad song the D.J. couldn’t quit.

Slowly, my shock was lifting. My ego was right. I had been in tough spots, both before and after I passed the bar. This was just one more. This was the Universe untethering me from a questionable job with a questionable employer.

Defiance was my best response. I grabbed my car keys and headed out my apartment door. I was going for dinner. And a movie.

Screw those guys. I was still alive.

The day after I’m fired is Saturday. Part of me wants to lounge on the couch and watch bad TV all day, drink diet iced tea and feel sorry for myself. This is something I need to do, I told myself, so that I can feel better, ready to revise and change my life Monday morning.

But I know better.

Oh, I tried it. But after I watched a stupid situation comedy which not only insulted my intelligence but made me worry about the survival of Western Civilization, I got off the couch and pounce on my cell phone.

It was time to call in the troops.

Specifically, friends and family who might be able to help me find another job. Or, at least, who could lend me money until I can start bringing in an income.

You truly find out whether your friends and family love you or think you’re a schlump when you lose your job. In this case, I was in for a pleasant surprise.

The first person I called was my friend Shelby, who has worked for the Public Defender in a Southern California county for 25 years. After I explained to him what had happened, he laughed.

“Knew it was gonna go South for you,” he says cheerfully. “Just had that feeling.”

“You’re a great comfort,” I said. I resisted the urge to climb through the telephone line and strangle him. After all, I couldn’t afford to alienate someone who might get me back to gainful employment, even if he’s being a jerk.

“I’ll ask around the office to see if they might want you back,” he said. Rude comment forgiven.

I called my friend Jerome, who is a little more sympathetic.

“How could they do that to you?” he asked. Jerome is one of those guys whom everyone likes. He’s never been fired, never will be, despite jumping around in his legal career. He now worked for the same PD’s office as Scott.

“I’m not sure how they could, but they did,” I say.

“I’ll talk to the head of the office. Maybe they want you back.”

As I said, everyone likes Jerome.

I’m feeling a little better now. I’m thinking I can return to Southern California and go back to work for the old office, the one I left voluntarily for the job I’ve just lost. Not exactly as a conquering hero, but at least intact.

I called my brother, my older sister, and a 30-years-long friend of mine to let them know the awful news. All three offered to lend me a thousand or so to keep me from being on the street. Since I am still flush with severance pay, I thanked them all and told them I might call on them in the future.

As I hang up the phone, I realized that I am far too good at dealing with disaster. I’ve been through this before, both as a civilian and as an attorney. I always managed to muddle through. I’m not sure how I do it. After I’m out of danger, I always seem to look back and marvel that I am not buried under a smoking pile of rubble along some lonely freeway.

As a lawyer, I should have been embarrassed to call these folks and tell them that I’d been fired. Termination of employment is not normal in the legal profession. Usually, one gets fired from a law firm or a public agency for some heinous crime, such as leaving a comma out of a pleading that leads to the motion being denied. Or sleeping with a client. Were I to choose my sin, I would go for the sin of commission, not the one of omission. It seems more fun. Alas, the reason I was terminated is still a mystery to me. All I knew was that I couldn’t talk my way back into the job.

I go online and begin applying for any Public Defender job I could find. Despite my ugly experience with the firm, I am convinced that I am a good PD. My clients told me so. My colleagues told me so. Even the judges told me so. In fact, in a roundabout way, the prosecutors told me so—they would give me a hard time about filing too many motions, announcing ready for too many trials. In other words, I was making them work. How dare I?

So I am not embarrassed. I am irked. I am scared. I am puzzled. But not embarrassed.

That comes later.

Two

I am invited into an office with a window view. A round table sits near the door. Bookshelves line the outer wall. Pictures of an indeterminate theme dot the walls.

This is my first interview since being “resigned” at the old law firm. I wish I was more nervous than I am. Sad to say, I’ve been through a lot of interviews in my career.

The man who greets me is tall, about six foot two. He has sandy hair and startling blue eyes. He would be perfectly cast as a Southern Lawyer defending some unjustly charged young teenager in a melodrama about racism. 

He is, in fact, from the South—Tennessee, he tells me. How he got to California is a labyrinthian story to which I listen respectfully.  He’s about forty, twenty-one years my junior. He’s the head of the local Public Defender’s Office.

“I’m trying to build this office,” he says. “It was a mess when I was appointed.” I don’t ask him why it was a mess. You never know where the sore spots are.

“I have a lot of experience in Public Defender Offices,” I say, hoping it’s a strong point and does not advertise the fact that my career has been a checkered one. Checkers? More like Parcheesi. 

We talk about what it means to be a Public Defender and how different it is from any other kind of job in the law. The difference between your typical private defense attorney and a Public Defender is that PDs have ethics, they have rules, they have 30 cases a day. A PD makes about a quarter of what a good private defense lawyer pulls in, though there are private lawyers that make ten times what a “line” PD makes—into seven figures. 

(So, you are asking, why don’t I go that way? Well, to get to the seven-figure private lawyer world, you must start as a solo practitioner when you are fresh out of law school and carefully build your practice over twenty years. Then you need a bit of luck—landing a case with lots of publicity. It doesn’t matter if you win. So long as you’re on TV and in the newspapers, people will remember your name. At 61, I’m a bit too long in the tooth to try to build such a practice.)

But there’s more to being a PD than just a lot of cases and too little money. To be a Public Defender is a mindset—you fight, you work for your clients, you remember why you’re there. The best Public Defenders know how to work hard for their clients without alienating the prosecutors. You get good deals from them because they know how hard you’re going to make them work at trial, even on a slam-dunk case; and because they get along with you. 

We talk about all these ideas. We feel pretty good about ourselves when it’s over. Our interview was scheduled for thirty minutes, but we’ve been going for nearly an hour.

He likes me, he really likes me. We have an easy conversation and agree on pretty much everything. I tell him that I can help him rebuild his office because I have the experience to help the younger lawyers. He nods his head.

“That sounds really good,” he says in his Southern accent. “I could use the help.”

I don’t spread my arms and say, “Here I am,” though I want to. 

I walk out of the office feeling good about my chances. I change into more comfortable shoes with my car door open in the parking lot just as my interviewer runs out, rushing to court. I smile sheepishly at him and he says, “I’ve had to do that myself.” Another connection.

On the way out of town, I check out apartment and home rentals. They’re much cheaper than Sacramento—about half so. This is looking better and better. 

I drive the hours back to Sacramento thinking I should start boxing everything up. I might get hired before the end of October when I will fly to Indiana for my son’s wedding. I’ve already bought the tickets. I’m pretty sure my new employers won’t have a problem with my disappearing for a week to see my only son get married.

I wait for the call to be hired. It never comes. To this day I haven’t even received a letter from that Public Defender’s office telling me thanks but no thanks. I guess rebuilding a PD’s office is so time-consuming you can’t dredge up the grace to say “no.”

Three

I have agreed to make an appearance for another lawyer in Dept 30 of the Superior Court. This is my first time back in court since the untimely demise of my career.

It is a misdemeanor court, so I will not see any of my former felony teammates. However, there will be others from the firm roaming the courtroom.

I see the woman who supervises misdemeanors for the firm. She is standing outside the doors talking to a tall man with a bad haircut. She is chastising him for some transgression.

I avoid her and sit in the audience. I contemplate my ruin while waiting for the doors to open. You know your career is near rock bottom when you start snapping up $50 to make brief appearances for other lawyers. You’re not even a pinch hitter. More like a stand-in for the movies. You are a non-entity, a nothing, a fool.

At 1 p.m. precisely, the bailiff opens the doors to Dept. 30.

The courtroom is both familiar and unfamiliar to me. It looks like every courtroom in which I’ve spent thirty years: Long row of chairs for the audience, a wooden “bar” at the front, a pair of pine-topped tables pushed together, the clerk off to the side in her little enclave and the bailiff at a small desk near the bar. At the head of the room, elevated so that one will be cowed by the majesty of the law, the judge’s bench. Mounted on the wall behind the bench is the Seal of the Great State of California. The goddess Minerva sits in the seal with her ill-fitting war helmet, a spear, and an impassive expression.

I sit in the audience, too embarrassed to sit in the jury box like I used to do when I was a person with a real job. The supervisor for the misdemeanors begins asking each person about their case.

“Which case are you here on?” she asks me. Then she looks closer.

“Oh, it’s you!” she says. I nod. Then she looks concerned. “Do you have a case in here today?” She’s thinking I committed a crime after I got fired. 

“I’m appearing on the Smith matter,” I say, “for another lawyer.”

“Oh, the bail matter,” she says, and moves on.

No other attorney from the firm acknowledges my existence. One, a burly ex-Marine with whom I had engaged in discussions about the military, the law, and being a public defender, slides his gaze over me. 

Another lawyer, a middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair whom I had helped with thorny legal issues, searches for his clients in every part of the courtroom except where I sit.

I get up and walk past the bar. I check in with the clerk, handing her one of my new business cards. Then I talk to a young woman from the DA’s office who is wearing matching purple jacket and pants, a daring look for a prosecutor.

I sit in the jury box, thinking that now my former office mates will recognize me and say hello. But they studiously avoid me.

I should be shouting “Unclean! Unclean!” to warn them that I am contagious and if they dare talk to me, they may be infected with the termination virus. How frightened they look. How cowardly. 

I am Banquo’s ghost, the unwelcome guest at the feast. To talk to me would be to acknowledge that they, too, might someday find themselves out of a job. Nothing has been officially disseminated in the firm about my termination, though it’s been implied by the higher-ups that some “emergency” required my firing. 

Judge Evans, who sometimes was friendly to me, takes the bench. He peers at me.

“What did you say your name was?” he asks.

I say my name and spell it.

I tell him I’m appearing for another lawyer and that we need the bail exonerated. There is a written motion, which he carefully reviews. He grants the motion. Then he’s on to the next matter.

As I turn to leave a young woman, dark-haired and brown-eyed, says to me, “Mark, I didn’t recognize you! How are you?”

She is also from the firm but she seems to be unafraid of my unclean status.

“I’m doing fine,” I said. She puts her arm around my shoulders. 

“This is my last appearance in Placer,” I say. “I’m moving to Southern California soon.”

“Good luck to you,” she smiles. We say goodbye and I walk out of the courtroom. I am contemplating why the big burly men were afraid of me but this young woman was not. 

As for myself, I shake the dust of the county from my feet. In a week, I am going to my son’s wedding. Then I’m moving back to Southern California, where I have a place to rent and friends in the court system. 

After my unfortunate adventure up North, I’m going home.

The post Reflections on Being Fired as a 60-Year Old Lawyer appeared first on Lawyerist.

from Law https://lawyerist.com/blog/being-fired/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

#law #justice

[gocasualrunawaycollection-blog]

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im about to turn 18 and im planing to get a sport bike but i want to know how much the insurance will cost me

Insurance for a 16 yo?

im 16 and i am looking for a project car. the car i want is a 1971 dodge charger and it will take me a year or two to finish but i was wondering how much insurance would be if i got it and it was all finished and I was on my moms insurance?

Rehired - will I get my insurance back?

Due to a personal issue my company terminated to rehire me as an option compared to paying $175 a month for insurance until I returned. I am getting my job back but very worried about my insurance. Will I get it back or will I have to go through the whole 90 day period crap again?? If you've been through this your advice is greatly needed.

First time driver (18 years old) how much should I pay for car insurance?

I've got my test booked in a few days (fingers crossed) and I've been looking at cars and still haven't decided... I need a few ideas on what would be cheapest to insure. However I am slightly picky and do not want to be driving around in a hundred year old baked bean can!! If people who are a similar age can just tell me what they drive and how much they paid for their insurance it would be very helpful! Or if people could just give me some ideas on cars and stuff it would be muchos appreciated! Thanks!

Do I need to be insured to test drive cars I want to purchase?

I am looking to buy a new car, so far I have test drove 3 cars this week and my colleague at work has just notified me that I am probably breaking the law. I am buying a car either through auto trader or ebay (Fiat Stilo incase anyone is selling) so most the sellers are private, I currently drive a VW Polo fully comp, does that insurance not cover me to drive someone else's car even if they are in it ? What about their insurance, does that not cover me ? And if I'm not insured, what would I have to do to make sure I am not breaking the law ? A temporary insurance costs me nearly 100 as I am quite young, its an absurd amount to pay just to test the car (about 10%) and its completely ill advised to buy a car without first test driving it ? Regards Omar*""

Why do red cars go hand in hand with a high auto insurance bill????

Red cars always get a high insurance rate. Not all red cars are sporty or fast so why is this?

Why do kids with lower grades pay more for car insurance?

And would a kid with a C average compared to a kid with a A average pay the same after 1 year of both them having a clean driving record and no accidents... if not that is bs.... grades shouldn't come into play it should be how good of a driver you are its unfair to do that I am so sick and tired of how good grades get you this that..... I have a c- average in high school and i dont do any drugs or alcohol or w/e.I workout on a daily basis,eat right, and i am extremely physically fit. I really just hate school and never put my mind to it.""

How much is it going to cost to add a new 18 year old driver to car insurance?

my mom said its going to cost about 200 bucks a month. thats too much. >_< i live in california.

How much is Delta Airlines health insurance premium?

For an Economics family project, I have to be a flight attendant, make a monthly budget and help take care of my family. Probably the only thing missing from my project is health insurance. If I get it through my job , how much does the premium cost or is it covered?""

When a car is wrecked and the insurance people come to look at it.... ?

what value do they compare damage to in order to decide if it is a total loss.. for example, do they look at what the kelly blue book is on trade value?? or on the private party value (how much i can sell it for)??""

Is there a list of rankings of top car insurance companies? What is a good car insurance company?

I'm shopping for car insurance and want to look for reviews of all the major companies out there. I want competitive prices, but good customer service is top priority, such as not trying to find a way out of paying me if I have an accident and not raising my rates without my knowledge like some companies are rumored to do.""

How much does it cost to insure a 49cc moped?

I'm looking at getting a 49cc moped so I don't have to get a motorcycle license. I want to know if anyone has a moped and what the insurance cost is.

How can I lower my insurance rate?

I got a speeding ticket back in july of '04. My insurace went up recently. I am past the traffic school time. I live in CA. Is there anything I can do to lower my rate increase

How much will it cost a month to finance a 20K car?

I am making around 2K a month .... I want to finance a mercedes CL600 used like year 2000-2003 .... They go for about 15K-20K now .... What I am wondering is how much it will cost a month plus insurance .... I am 19 years old by the way

What should I do about my 19 year old sons car insurance?

I have a son who is nearly 19 years old. He may be putting in for his test soon. The problem is I am worried about the cost of car insurance. He is nagging me to go on my insurance but I don't really like that idea because I am worried if he has an accident I will lose my no claims and my insurance will go up considerably. The other option is that I buy him a really cheap car with a small engion, but only cover third party. That way he can build up his own no claims. I was wondering if anyone knows how much he would be expected to pay if he decided to do this?""

How much cost an insurance car in North Carolina?

How much cost an insurance car in North Carolina?

What would be a cheap motorcycle to insure....?

im 20 with im going to do a safety course id like something sporty looking...new or used...would it be cheaper to go with a older bike so i can carry liability or do older bikes have alot of problems....inform me with you advanced riders knowledge

Can a Judge Verify that You Have Auto Insurance While in Court?

If you show your proof of insurance to the judge how will he know there wasn't a lapse or if you have stopped paying? State of California.

Health insurance and vehicle insurance in U.S.?

Hi, I have heard that in U.S. getting health insurance and your vehicle insurance is mandatory and not your option/choice. Is that true? If yes, what is the rationale behind government enforcing this on citizens? Thanks

Massachusetts Health insurance?

I am in fifties and currently living in California. Due to the California high cost of medical insurance, My wife and I are thinking of moving to Massachusetts state, get a small home there and retire there eventually. The reason that we are thinking about is that we overheard Massachusetts have a much lower health insurance cost ($50/month ?). Please advise us if you are currently living in Massachusetts state or other states that have less expensive health care insurance and housing cost. You advise is greatly appreciated. Jo""

Buying a car...are you supposed to get insurance before?

okay heres the info. im 18...never had a car but i just found one that im seriously thinking about from a dealership. wil they sell it to me even though i dont have car insurance? im sure this uestion sounds retared...but i know its illegal todrive without it but at the same time when you apply for insurance dont you have to let your compnay know wht kind of car you drive? im so confused.

Lease- car insurance rate?

What is the ball park range of car insurance for an 17 year old girl leasing an Acura TL? say 2004?

Could a person have too many insurance policies?

i have 5 from 2 different companies, 3 different agents...coz i have difficulty saying no...is that too much?""

Why do we need health insurance?

People complain about not being able to afford health insurance, and people aslo complain that the health insurance they do have doesn't cover what they need it to cover. Doesn't it seem more like health insurance is the middle man that keeps the price of health related goods and services at such a rate that is unattainable by the majority of US citizens? Wouldn't the tens of thousands of doctors be forced to lower their rates to an affordible rate if health insurance, as a standard practice, was abolished?""

Which company provied better mediclaim insurance?

Which company provied better mediclaim insurance?

The world of car insurance?

the idea that dropping the price of car insurance for men a small amount and increasing the female amount a huge hike has nothing to do with gender that's the con it's the absolute greed of government and big business hand in hand raking in a fortune as they did when changing the  s p to the criminal decimal currency? the question is why do we Joe public put up with this crap

Should i get 20 year term or a 30 year term life insurance?

My husband and I currently have a 20 year term life insurance policy. We are switching companies because we were paying too much at State Farm. I'm 30 and he is 33 and we are both in very good health. We have a 9 month old baby boy and our policies are for $500,000 each. The rate I'm getting is $45 for both of us for the 20 year term and $70 for both of us for the 30 year term. Which one should I go with?""

Can I still use my provisional car insurance?

I passed my test today, but my mum won't let me alter my insurance because she says I can still use my provisional insurance, as long as I have somebody in the car with me and don't go on motor ways . Is this true, or do I need new insurance?""

How much is insurance for a nissan santra?

I'm 16 and I would like to get a nissan santra 2002 and I would like to know how much insurance is for it? also if you know any good quote sites thats easy and fast? thanks

Is it too easy to get onto disability insurance in the United States?

8,753,935: Workers on Disability Set Another Record in July; Exceed Population of 39 States The number of workers taking federal disability insurance payments hit yet another record in July, increasing to 8,753,935 during the month from the previous record of 8,733,461 set in June, according to newly released data from the Social Security Administration. The 8,753,935 workers who took federal disability insurance payments in July exceeded the population of 39 of the 50 states. Only 11 statesCalifornia, Texas, New York, Florida, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, Georgia, North Carolina and New Jerseyhad more people in them than the number of workers on the federal disability insurance rolls in July.""

How can I find my neighbors home insurance company?

My neighbors have a pit bull which is completely untrained and escapes from their yard on a regular basis. I have tried to talk to my neighbor telling him he needs to keep his dog in his fenced yard but he does not speak English very well and I don't believe he understands me. I do know that he owns his house. I am concerned that if his dog attacks someone that his home owners insurance won't cover it. My home insurance company told me that they would not cover a pit bull if I had one. How can I find out what insurance agency my neighbor is using so that I can find out if he has coverage for his dog (or blow him in for having a dog his insurance won't cover).

Quad bike insurance help?

Im lookin into getting a quad bike possibly but have searched to get an insurance quote online but no one seems to want to help me ive got a full car and full bike liscence but just wanna get a quote to see what im dealing with can any help or advise many thanks

Health insurance and medical abortion?

so i just took a pregnancy test today im 18 and pregnant. i cant sleep i cant eat im a mess. i need to terminate this pregnancy asap so i can get on with my life. i called my health insurance HealthNet, and they DO cover the medical abortion (abortion pill) thats not plan B. its the abortion by medication. they also said i need to find an obgyn to approve it or something then its all covered. so i called one and they said i have to pay 750 dollars!!!! even if they do cover it i still have to pay that! im in california btw, and i dont even have 100 dollars. could i go to a hospital that covers me and get it for free? or for atleast 100$? at most? or do i have to go to plan parenthood at spend the 350.""

Cheap car insurance in norfolk VA?

I'm tired of paying $200 for 2 old cars. Anybody know where I can get cheap liability insurance from?

How much is the average car insurance if I'm 18?

How much is the average car insurance if I'm 18?

I am 18 year old male how much would insurance cost on a 2005 mustang v6 or mustang gt?

I am 18 year old male how much would insurance cost on a 2005 mustang v6 or mustang gt?

Can I register my car without insurance in Utah?

my registeration on my car lapsed in april, I do not drive the car but in Utah you can not even park it out on the street without it being registered. so I was wondering since some of my neighbors are wanting my parking spot since they are moving in can I just register my car since I have enough money to get it registered but I do not want to pay the monthly insurance on it since I am not driving it I am just holding on to it until my daughter turns of age to take it.... thanks.....""

Prelude vs Subaru on Insurance ?

Which one is typically cheaper? Between a 97 - 01 Prelude and a 00' Subaru 2.5rs Iv heard prelude insurance is expensive. I know wrx insurance is insanely high but im thinking the 2.5rs must be cheaper since its not turbo'ed.

How far will my car insurance go up?

i hit my friends car at school today, there's just alittle dent and some red paint from my car on his car. im 16, and i have a red mustang convertible..im just wondering how much my insurance will go up?""

How much should i pay for old car insurance?

how much the cheapest insurance for old car? i have a used honda.

""If you pay an annual sum for car insurance, can you get a refund on it if you buy a new car?""

I'm just wondering, let's say I bought some car insurance recently and paid the annual sum. If I decide to purchase a new car in a few months time (and I'm assuming insurance policies are tied to a particular car) would I be able to get reimbursed for the months of car insurance I didn't get (since I'd need to sign up for a new insurance policy on the newly purchased car)? Or is this why you should pay monthly instead (even though it costs more in the long term)? Don't know if it makes much of a difference but I'm also in Australia.""

Where can I find info on LOW COST Medical Insurance In Central NY? (Student Artist Musician Business Owner)?

My wife and I are moving soon from PHX, AZ to the greater Syracuse area. I am moving my multimedia business / record label (websites, print design, videography, DVD production and studio recording) and I need information on which companies can provide my family reasonable cost heath insurance. Right now my wife works fulltime so we use her benefits, but we will be starting a family and would like to keep her at home for a few years. In PHX, health insurance for non-group individuals runs about $300 a month - from what I can see in CNY it can cost closer to $1000! Can some one help me with this? Am I looking at the wrong companies or is it just that mush more expensive? Are any loop holes? In some states Students, Artist, Musicians & Small Business Owners can get highly discounted rates - is this true in CNY? Can anyone help? Thanks in advance!""

Car insurance without a license?

Hi! I'm going to get a used car next month. I've had my permit for over a year so that means I have to take the written test again. I'm planning on taking it this month, then getting the car next month, then a few months later taking the road test. I have to practice driving in the car that I'm gonna get so my question is, can I get insurance on the car without having a license yet? My parents don't drive, so I cant get on their insurance. So what do you think is the best thing for me to do and what would be the cheapest? Thanks in advance to anyone kind enough to answer my question.:D""

Obamacare health insurance rebates?

My school requires a mandatory student health insurance plan and i had this for the last 3 years. With the Affordable Care Act, the Govt. requires health insurance companies to pay back some of the premium it if less than 80% is used on medical care or more than 20% is used on administrative costs. I did not use my health insurance at all during the last 3 years. Will i get get a rebate of some kind? Should i call my school and ask for a health insurance rebate for last year?""

What is the best and most affordable car insurance company in New York?

Particularly NYC?

Can you get maternity insurance only? Without regular health insurance included?

I am not pregnant yet.

""What are the medical tests, i have to go for insurance?""

what are the medical tests,i have to go for insurance, please provide a link if possible""

Lease- car insurance rate?

What is the ball park range of car insurance for an 17 year old girl leasing an Acura TL? say 2004?

What would insurance on a er-5 be like for a 17 year old?

I recently asked how much gsxr400 insurance would be for a 17 year old, however being a sports bike it costs more, but what would it be like for a bike like the ER-5. also i would go ...show more""

How can I take out life insurance on another person?

My father owes me money and I owe alot of money because of him. I'd like to be able to take out life insurance on him incase he dies before he pays me back. How would I go about doing this? I'm trying to figure out how to take the insurance out on him (since he owes me). Not have him get life insurance and then make me the benifactor himself.

How do you get temporary insurance?

I need insurance just for one diagnosis and possible surgery. Is there any way I can get temporary insurance? How much is it and what do I need to do to get it??

How to lower my auto insurance?

Ok so I bought my 2004 volvo S60 2.5T AWD on 05/11/2011 and the insurance is killing me. I'm 20 years old and had my license for 2 years. I know it goes down when you've had your license for 3 years but that won't help right now. I'm with GEICO right now paying 371.00 a month! I know and this is actually the cheapest insurance company I was able to get!! My last payment will be on 10/11/2011 and then I will have to start a new policy. However I called them and asked them if my rate will go down once I renew with them, and they said no...... Well I did a new quote online and my rate would be $318 a month so I don't know why they keep telling me it won't change!!!!! So my question is can my mom get the insurance even though it's my car?""

Car insurance question?

I got in a wreck while driving my friends car. It was my fault. She has insurance but I dont know what kind of coverage. If its only liabilty should I help pay for the damage to her vehicle out of my own pocket. Thats the right thing to do right?

What is the minimum required age to get an insurance liscense in California.?

To get a license to sell life insurance in the state of California.

California: Do I need to insure before buying?

I'm new to California. If I buy a car from a private seller in CA, do I have to get the car insured before the registration is transferred to me? For example, in NY you have to get the title signed over to you, get the car insured, and then go to the DMV and register it (in that order) before you can drive it home.""

I often drive a friend's car. What companies offer Non-car owner auto insurance?

Everywhere i look online just offer get a quote then you have to enter a type of car. I don't own a car but I need insurance to take my driver's test in North Carolina. I couldn't find this type of insurance offered on any websites.

When i turn 21 can i change my car insurance details for cheaper car insurance?

so im 20 now and as we all know your insurance drops when you turn 21 basically im insured now but my policy doesnt run out for like 8 months when i turn 21 can i ring them up and say im now 21 can i change this detail to get cheaper car insurance whilst not cancelling the policy

Should I get rental insurance for my apartment?

I don't have any expensive appliances. I only have used funiture and my clothes. Lately I have seen a lot of apartment fires on the news and now I am indecisive about getting rental insurance for my apartment.

""First Car, insurance price etc :)?""

Hi all, I'm going to go into more detail and search more etc. when I get the car's reg, but for now I can only ask all of you :) I'm going to buy 1.6 ltr ford focus off of my friend for 800, 5 door, 2000 model I think so what kind of insurance would I be quoted on it usually? I don't want links to websites as I havent got all the details... but I havent passed my test yet and it will be my first car, plus I'm 18 so it could be a tad expensive I know :S Thanks for reading :)""

I'm 17 just got my driving licence (UK) How can I get my insurance cheaper?

I'm 17 just got my driving licence (UK) How can I get my insurance cheaper?

What is the cheapest insurance group in the uk? how do they class it?

What is the cheapest insurance group in the uk? how do they class it?

Do I need health insurance for cosmetic surgery ?

Just wondering ? I have the money to pay for it, so I don't need the insurance to cover it..But the medical forms ask for that information, and I don't have health insurance yet ? Does it matter ? Can I get the surgery without it ?""

Having car insurance cancelled??

my payment is due in a few days, and due to financial difficulties, im not going to be able to pay my car insurance on time. when i go to the web site (i have progressive) it says pending cancelation on 7/27/08 ... can they do this? what should i do?""

Can you place insurance on a car that is not in your nam?

I drive a car that is in my aunt's name. She told me that I need to get my own insurance on the car, so that she can take it off of her policy. However I am not sure if I can place insurance on a car if my name is not on the title.""

How much would extra would i pay for another car on my policy?

I currently own 2 cars and am looking to buy another one. It is a 99 crown vic police int P71. I dont want collision or anything extra, i want the lowest insurance policy that i can get. Im taking that, that would be a liability only policy, am i correct? If not what kind of policy do i ask for? Also, how much more a month would this cost? No one will steal it because its a former cop car, but you couldnt tell and i doubt i will reck it.""

What is the medical exam and questions for life insurance like?

We are looking into life insurance. I am wondering what the medical exam and questions are like? How much more typically is it if you have a medical issue (like high blood pressure) compared to if you have good health? We are in our late 20's.

Why is my motorbike coming up wrong on insurance quotes ?

I Have a Gilera Runner VX 125cc, When i go onto gocompare & all other insurance websites it asks for my reg & when i put it in and select vehicle its coming up as a VXR 180cc, when i go on to HPI its 125cc & on my logbook its 125 could anyone explain why this is happening ? thanks for your time.""

How much will my car insurance cost me?

I am 18 years old, I just got an 07' Chevy Silverado and I need insurance tomorrow, how much do you think it'll be monthly? Also how much would it be if I got on my dads or grandmas insurance? I need cheap! haha""

What factors affect car insurance premiums?

My mom is going to give me her old car once she gets a new one, and she said insurance is about $100/mo. My friend asked what insurance would be and I told her, and she thought that was really low The car is a 1999 saturn SL1 and it's standard, is the insurance cheap for this car? My mom has a great driving record I'm now wondering what affects car insurance premiums? I know age, gender, driving records, and other stuff.. but what else?""

Whats the cheapest car insurance company for young/newly qualified drivers in the UK?

I have just passed my test and have a car, but the insurance is ridiculously high, around 3,300. There has got to be cheaper quotes out there. Please help, thanks!""

""Speeding ticket, have State Farm, will my premium increase or not?""

The reason I am questioning the premium increase is because a friend of mine, who also has State Farm, never saw an increase in premium two years ago when he received a speeding ticket. what's the deal? anybody know?""

Cheap car insurance company :D?

Guys I am a newly driver and looking for a cheapest car insurance company for my car (Cheap car insurance) :D as I spend too much money for my driving lessons I wanna save money now :D , anyone know please help me to sort it out as soon as possible. thanks""

A car insurance company that will take me with many tickets?

I am looking around for the cheapest car insurance in state of NJ and have at least 5 tickets within the last 5 years...what car insurance company will take me for the best premium...thanx

Lease- car insurance rate?

What is the ball park range of car insurance for an 17 year old girl leasing an Acura TL? say 2004?

Who sells the cheapest car insurance?

Who sells the cheapest car insurance?

Harley Davidson Insurance -Typical Cost?

I am a 19-year old male who has been riding a motorcycle for about 3 years and took a rider safety course. I was wondering what possible insurance costs would be for a Harley 883 Sportster, probably a 98 or newer (probably nothing newer than a 2005 though). Specifically, I was wondering about American Family Insurance (but any general info would be appreciated too). I am looking to upgrade my bike (along with the size of my engine, ive been driving a 250 for a while now). I beleive american family cant even cover sport bikes for a rider like me, so i was thinking about getting another cruiser/standard style bike. i have kind of been drawn towards Harley, but if insurance is too expensive, ill have to look for something else. Does anyone have any other suggestions for bikes? or general info? thanks""

What happens to money invested in whole life insurance if I live to 105?

I am 60 and bought a whole life policy about a year ago but what if I live to 105? Is there insurance available after age100? 

Affordable health insurance in NC?

I am moving to North Carolina after living abroad to start my own business & I need health insurance. Any recommendations?

What is the least amount of car insurance I need to have on a car that doesn't have a loan on it?

I live in Wisconsin and havent had insurance in about four years. I am getting married in six months and my fiance's insurance agent said that I should get insurance now, six months before the wedding, so that once we get married and I get added onto his insurance, I won't raise his insurance since I am considered high risk since I havent had insurance the last six months or more. So, if I get insurance on my won for six months, it will be high risk for those six months, but then six montsh from now, I won't be high risk, which will be good becasue six months from now is when i would get married and added onto his insurance. Now, I am going to get insurance on a car that doesn't have a loan on it, and I am wondering how much insurance I need? What is the least amount of insurance I could get on my car, so that in six months I won't be high risk anymore? P.S. I live in Wisconsin, where it isn't illegal if you don't have insurance on your car.""

Good Cheap car insurance?

Im 16, Im getting my truck and my license in september, and I was wondering what car insurance companies I should look in to? I could be added onto my parents plan but it would be pretty expensive, I was wondering if there's a cheaper option? what insurance do you have and why? thanks!""

Individual dental insurance for braces?

What is a good individual dental insurance if I were to get braces? I have done some research and nailed it down to DeltaCare and Pacificare. So which dental insurance is better, or any other suggestions? Pacificare cost slightly less than DeltaCare as far as co-payments go. Both are HMO plans, all the PPO plans covers little to nothing for braces, so HMO seems to be the only way to go for an individual plan. DeltaCare seems to be more reliable since it's associated with Delta Dental, a little more costly also. I'm more concerned about the quality of the services as far as making claims and such. So DeltaCare, Pacificare, or ay other dental insurance/plans? Any personal experience with either of these companies? I am in San Francisco, California.""

How much does it cost to have a baby without insurance?

First, don't worry, I have wonderful insurance so me and my baby will be just fine. But, today in one of my college classes we were talking about medical costs without insurance and it got me thinking.... how much would we have to pay for prenatal care, hospital bills, and doctor's fees if I was not covered by insurance (from conception to delivery)? Anyone know?""

How to lower my auto insurance?

Ok so I bought my 2004 volvo S60 2.5T AWD on 05/11/2011 and the insurance is killing me. I'm 20 years old and had my license for 2 years. I know it goes down when you've had your license for 3 years but that won't help right now. I'm with GEICO right now paying 371.00 a month! I know and this is actually the cheapest insurance company I was able to get!! My last payment will be on 10/11/2011 and then I will have to start a new policy. However I called them and asked them if my rate will go down once I renew with them, and they said no...... Well I did a new quote online and my rate would be $318 a month so I don't know why they keep telling me it won't change!!!!! So my question is can my mom get the insurance even though it's my car?""

Should vegetarians be required to pay as much for health and life insurance?

We get breaks for being non-smokers, not taking risks, why not for being vegetarian. It is a healthier lifestyle, for me at least, and why should we pay for the cardiac care of those who eat meat? Very few vegetarians suffer from heart disease - the leading cause of death in America.""

Insurance for low income disabled person?

I only make $7.14/hr at my job, got cut from my old insurance due to no longer being able to afford it, I have a learning disabilty and have no medical insurance to go to the doctors. What are some good affordable/free insurance for low income families?""

If I ask my insurance company to fix my car will my premium increase?

I'm a beginner driver and I have my first car and a new insurance. Today I hit a standing car. My car requires some body work and the other car was not damaged at all. There was no police report filed. I'm 24 and single. I appreciate your help.

My insurance is running out?

I am 19 years old and my insurance is running out in two days because i have a job and are not going to school. I have a pretty bad medical history of anxiety problems and low immune system. When i was younger i was in the hospital every year for something like phneumonia or stomach virus of strep throat. I have agoraphobia pretty bad. It is very hard for me to go to wal mart and i cant travel out of town because my anxiety kicks in. Now my insurance is going out and i don't know what to do. Its driving me crazy. Any suggestions to a way of getting medical care for cheap without all the thousands of dollars in bills would be greatly appreciated.Thank everyone so much for answers:)

Get a insurance quote on 2010 honda civic?

i just want to find out how much do you guys think the insurance would be for a person with the following: 1) NYC license of less than 2 years, age early 20s 2) full insurance coverage since it's new 3) registered somewhere in southern part of Staten Island 4) the car ran 2-3 red lights within the past 1 1/2 year, got camera ticketed the car is covered by AllState, i just want to find out how much is the car's insurance now, i am not the car owner, would it possibly be at 4-5k/year, since the car was ticketed a few times, thanks""

Question about car insurance.?

I just got my drivers permit, and i don't have a car of my own, my finance has been teaching me to drive in his car, and said once i get my license his parents will let me drive one of there old cars. I don't really know how car insurance works.. my finance is still on his family's insurance, since they get a discount for multiply cars (they have 5). My question is, would there insurance cover me driving there car? or would i have to get my own plan? and can i get a plan on a car i don't own?""

Can car insurance be in both my name and my wifes?

I just sold my car, and am waiting 3 months to buy a new car. My job requires that i have car insurance ( i dont know why since i dont drive for my job) I faxed a copy of my wifes insurance. Can my name be added on to the insurance, or do i need to get seperate insurance?""

How much life insurance coverage do I need?

I am a single mother, and have 1 child (she is 2 years old). I am in my mid 20's and healthy. I have no debt besides a small student loan, and do not own a home. My parents are fairly young (late 40's), and would be more than capable of taking care of my daughter if I die (they are upper/middle class). I'm not quite sure how much life insurance I need to carry in my situation now, or if I were to purchase a home etc. Right now I am insured for $50,000. Is that too little? How much coverage would I need? I want to have a good level of coverage, but I can't afford to pay more than $25 a month premium right now.""

What are the advantages and disadvantages of a high-deductible insurance plan?

I am looking in to getting insurance that has a high ded. plan and a low ded. plan. What are the advantages and disadvantages??

What is the cheapest car to insure for your first car?

im going to be hopefully doing my driving test in mayish and im just wondering what would be the the cheapest car to insure, im looking for something a little decent but i just need a few ideas of whats avaliable with these:- - 5 door car - Hatchback - Buying used car price- under 1,000 - Cheap insurance, maintenance and tax - Power Steering - Automatic taa for any help/advice""

I have a question about my insurance for...?

ok i am 16 years old...17 in September and i am wanting a motorcycle sometime before i go to college...i have farm bureau insurance and i've not had a wreck before...so what would my insurance cost me to be driving a motorcycle at the age of 17 with no wrecks or tickets or anything?

What is the best type of life insurance to purchase?

I know nothing about life insurance but I would like to buy some to assure me and my kids will be taken care of in the event my husband passes. He only has one 1 issue which is Rheumatoid arthritis, otherwise in good health. . Me and my husband are both close to 50 years old. What is the best insurance to purchase? I know that term insurance expires. Does that mean if you do not pass within the term you do not get any money back that you have paid into it?. Thinking about a 250.000 dollar policy. Thank you.""

How much does insurance run for a 16 year old in North Carolina?

My Son gets his Licenses on August 17 of this year. So i am trying to figure out about how much its gonna run for him to have car insurance

Pure cost of life insurance?

Hello, I was just wondering if the pure cost of life insurance changes each year, or does it stay the same? will it increase when the policy is renewed? thanks""

How much would it cost for a male teen driver?

How much would it cost for a old 1969 chevy Malibu and to fix it up. And how much would insurance cost for a male teen driver

Is cheap car insurance is good to use?

Is cheap car insurance is good to use?

Lease- car insurance rate?

What is the ball park range of car insurance for an 17 year old girl leasing an Acura TL? say 2004?

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