Who wants some Desmitri? Just trying something new lol. This is early in their relationship. Also Aurora is alive because fuck you. Trigger warnings are in the tags.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe. I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe. I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
I curl up into a ball, trying to ground myself by feeling my weight against the mattress, the blankets around my shoulders and over my feet. I squeeze my bear plushie tighter against my chest. My breathing is the only sound I can make out, aside from some distant chatter.
BANG.
I feel myself flinch.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
Logically, I know they’re just fireworks. Completely harmless to me, as I’m tucked up warm inside. But they still have some kind of effect on me that I can’t quite place. I just know that I hate it. And I hate that I hate it. I wish I could just be normal and enjoy Bonfire Night like anyone else.
But it keeps bringing me back to that memory.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
“DiDi are you not coming downstairs?”
“Huh? Uh…no.”
Aurora’s at my door. I didn't hear her coming. She’s the adoptive daughter of my new partner. She’s a bit of an oddball, even coming from someone like me, but she’s sweet and she seems to accept me.
“But Grandpa Ray made soup! And this spiced cake thing, I forget what it’s called.”
“Parkin?”
“That’s it! He says it’s traditional to have it on Bonfire Night. Then we’re going to burn a doll of this evil man from history. But Dad says if you're coming outside you should wrap up warm.”
“Mm hm.”
I’m vaguely familiar with the history of Guy Fawkes and this holiday, having lived in England for most of my life, but Aurora’s fairly new to all of this. It’s sweet watching her learn and retain things, but I can’t really focus on what she’s saying, I’m so on edge anticipating the next bang.
“Are you okay?” she asks me.
I nod.
“You look frightened, DiDi.”
“I’m-”
BANG.
I flinch. Aurora seems unfazed.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
“Oh, are you scared of the fireworks?”
I want to deny it, but I don’t think I’ll be able to convincingly. I just nod, trying to slow my breathing back down to normal.
“Oh that’s why Dad didn't buy any. He bought sparklers. They don’t make any noise. But he said we can still watch the neighbours’ fireworks.”
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
“DiDi, the fireworks won’t hurt you. Dad says they’re pretty explosions in the sky hundreds of feet away. They’re meant to be fun.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.”
BANG.
I flinch, letting out a little whimper.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
“Do you want me to get Dad?” Aurora asks.
I nod.
“Okay. Stay here. I won’t be long.”
She goes downstairs and I stay put, trying to regulate my breathing and ground myself.
I don’t know if what I’m having are flashbacks, it feels more like just constant repeated bad memories and a sense of unease. Every time I hear a bang, I get this impending feeling of doom, like someone I love is going to die again. That I’ll be helpless to stop it, and I’ll be left alone in the world, sobbing on the ground.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe. I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe. I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
“Love, are you alright?”
Desmond is here. His voice is very soft and calming. I smile, mostly out of relief.
“Aurora told me you were having a hard time.”
I nod.
“It’s alright, I’m here.”
He sits next to me on the bed and I instinctively nestle into him.
I’m glad he’s Desmond today. Descole is hot and funny and interesting and cool. But Desmond…he makes me feel safe.
My partner switches back and forth sometimes. Not in a dissociative identity disorder way, moreso…he’s playing roles. They help him express how he’s feeling and what kind of environment he’s in. He’s Desmond a lot of the time he’s around Aurora and in professional settings, but he’s Descole on dates or…when things get bad. Descole allows himself to feel things much deeper than Desmond does.
Both are better suited to different environments, but I love them both equally. They’re two halves of a whole man whom I fell in love with.
BANG.
I flinch against him. He gently strokes me, making a shushing sound.
“You’re safe, Dimitri.”
I’m safe. Everyone’s safe.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
“I didn't think it would be this bad,” Desmond says. “I’m sorry I wasn't more prepared.”
“It’s alright.”
“I wish there was something I could do. Perhaps some noise cancelling headphones would help.”
“I… No.”
Something about the idea of explosions going on around me and not being able to hear them scares me even more than this. The idea that someone could just disappear without me knowing.
“No, you're right. An avoidant strategy may not be ideal.”
If I thought running away would help, I’d have left the country for the weekend. I feel stuck in this place, unable to do anything until the night ends, so frightened of something that I’m not entirely sure what that something is anymore.
BANG.
I flinch. Desmond holds me tighter, telling me once again that I’m okay.
I’m okay. No one’s dying. Everyone’s safe.
“Do you want to talk?” he asks me.
I shake my head.
“Alright. Well I’m here if you change your mind.”
“I love you.”
I said that instinctively, in case this is the last time I’ll ever see him. Even though I know it won’t be. I can’t help but be scared of losing someone else. And I know he feels the same.
“I love you too. I promise you will be alright.”
The one thing that Desmond and Descole have in common, is that they both have a deep sadness within them. Maybe that’s part of what attracted me to him in the first place, the idea that I don’t have to hide anything from him or pretend to be okay. We’re both broken souls. But we found each other. Somehow.
BANG.
I think I flinch less that time. My mantra isn’t really helping, but holding onto Desmond is. He feels so sturdy and real, which helps me from getting lost in my head. I put my plush bear down and wrap my arms around Desmond instead. He kisses my forehead.
“Perhaps looking at the fireworks would help? So that you can be more aware of what the noises are and that they’re not going to hurt anyone.”
That sounds logical, Desmond usually is, but something is stopping me from doing so. I keep my forehead resting against his chest, feeling his chest go up and down with his gentle breaths.
BANG.
I cling tighter.
“That one was blue,” Desmond says. “Quite pretty. I wonder which metal they added to the gunpowder to make that particular colour.”
I'm crying now. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I miss Claire. Maybe because I hate feeling like this. Or maybe because I finally feel safe enough to do so. Desmond's shirt becomes slightly damp from my tears, but he doesn't react in a huge way, just continues to stroke my back.
Maybe one day I'll tell him about Claire. Maybe.
There's a soft knock at the door.
“Grandpa Ray says he's left the soup on the stove if anyone wants some. But no pressure.”
“Alright, thank you, Aurora.”
“DiDi, I made you tea. Because you're upset. Was…that the right thing to do?”
“It is customary to ask first,” Desmond says.
I take the tea. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
Offering tea as a sign of compassion is a very British thing, and given that Desmond is very British, I'm not surprised Aurora picked that trait up from her father. I take a sip. The warmth is comforting.
“I think I'm gonna stay inside tonight,” Aurora says. “It's cold out. Can we have a movie night?”
“What do you say, love?” Desmond asks me.
“Uh…okay. Just nothing with…loud noises.”
“Okay! I’ll go get my collection and we can pick one. Dad, can we have popcorn?”
“Sure, sweetheart.”
The fireworks continue well into the night, but snuggled up to Desmond and Aurora, watching a cringy but wholesome film about ponies, I feel safe. Halfway through the film, Aurora falls asleep leaning against me. I cautiously stroke her hair.
I may never get back what I felt for Claire. I still don’t even fully understand what that feeling was. But that’s okay. I know who I am now. And this strange little family loves me with no complications. And I love them back.
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Okay before I go to sleep I wanted to do some stuff with the toontown au!!
Most of it will be bits of randomly ideas or relationships I have for it.
Who am I kidding in this is sort of an overview I guess
———
So it’s lovers to enemies to act acquaintances to friends to loversish for layclaire (sorry)
It takes place in a london where gangs rule the roost and toons are there to entertain or help with dodgy dealings
Claire is just living her “normal” life as a dr before this all happens
Until Clive dove her kind off apprentice/ward gets framed for murder (bill hawks) and comes to her to help uncover who did it
This leads to Claire and her toon friend Rickie the Rooster to realise oh their gonna have to go back to the underground again cause this is totally the work of The Devil In The Tophat
So to clarify future Hershel is TDITTH in this along with his gang the Crimson Roses they rule the underground
So Claire, Clive, Rickie and Claire’s close friend Desmond have to sneak around to find clues and gather information on who could have framed Clive and why
In come Claire’s old friends the Sapphire songbirds who have been searching on this for years
This is where Clive finds out Dr Foley is not what she seems and is actually the head of a huge underground organisation
In this group is Celeste her younger sister, Dimitri fellow scientist who has a debt to pay
Marie one of the eldest in the group along with Drake
Also turns out the DITTH is looking for not only Clive but her too
And that’s how it starts
———————-
Some extra stuff
Clive technically is Claire’s godson because his mother was quite close to her before she died and left him in her care
Hersh is extremely protective over his daughter’s and son, he will not hesitate to go apeshit if you hurt them
Claire is the more fight now think later one out of the two whilst hersh is much more calculating and orderly
Luke is the oracle figure in this au again in a sort of neutral way along with his toon friends Toppy the mouse, Enna the rabbit and Lumi the otter!
This also includes Aurora who’s his best friend and is able to know where the next fight will break out
Clark and Brenda are on opposite sides (I’ll leave you to figure out why and which groups they decided to be in :3)
—————
That’s kinda it for now hope you enjoyed reading more about this au!!
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