#autism be damned my boy can love someone so much that he will hold off death itself

[crow-in-springtime]

Horatio in one of those stories where the main character does anything and everything to prevent the death of a loved one.

I just think it would be neat

#me when other people write Horatio being in pain: HOW could you DO THAT to him?! HAS HE NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH 😭😣☹️ #me when I write Horatio being in pain: Teehee 🤭 #sometimes you just gotta break time and space and all of natural law just to be with someone you love #and I know the lesson is always supposed to be “you have to let people go but that doesn’t mean everything is over” #but fuck that I think Horatio could successfully pull it off #autism be damned my boy can love someone so much that he will hold off death itself #<- it was funnier in my head #hamlet #horatio #there’s probably a specific name for this but I can’t remember it at the moment. kinda like wandavision or alice by heart #“I won’t let them move you on / play you like some ghostly pawn / oh we’ll hold the still blue dawn” that sort of thing #well I wouldn’t want Horatio to succeed actually cause then it defeats the whole purpose of the trope as a whole and also I like suffering. #but like you understand. I think. I kinda lost track of what I was saying 7 sentences ago. #“yeah this sounds good post it” someone who should not be allowed internet access after 10 pm or before 7:30 am (me) #god this has been in my drafts for ages and I’ve forgotten what I even meant but I’m sure it was a good coherent idea at one point #ky’s gallery

[thegoblinboy]

This was a quick write and I put in my own experiences in. It’s a bit rushed but I ended up writing more then what I meant to 👀 pretty much I’m projecting my overstimulation on Eddie, plus I love to think Steve doesn’t just babysit the group but other smaller kids as well and he becomes very aware of their needs.

Just- Eddie gets overstimulated all the damn time and has to either bites something or does his overwhelmed bat hands. Flapping them aggressively as he runs away from a situation making Goblin noises. Before he’s putting his hands to his ears and just letting all the noises off from his chest. The amount of times he’s just done that with the group of hellfire boys, it’s become a normal thing. Garett, Jeff and Grant all got used to this years ago. So they knew about how the other got.

Meanwhile Dustin, Mike and Lucas could all get a tad overwhelming. Which is why the other boys all just decide to try and teach them that Eddie gets overstimulated really easily and it takes him more effort to understand peoples tones. Because he puts all his energy into that his tone sometimes doesn’t come off as friendly, and he doesn’t realize it half the time.

But anywho back to the being on course. All of them are somewhat used to it, and they are all shocked by how well Eddie is handling everything in the upside down. Besides a few clicking noises and popping noises he doesn’t run away from them. And when he looks like hes getting overwhelmed he has to close his eyes and rub his head back to hold himself back.

So when everything is finally done and the other is in the hospital. He’s so fucking overstimulated that he’s not even crying because of the pain anymore. The doctors don’t know what to do, not until they start to catch on and they try to help the other be as comfortable as possible. Then Eddie’s ok for a bit.

Then when he leaves the hospital, that’s when everything hits him all at once. It had always strained him a bit to hold himself back from doing what normally helps him with being overstimulated. So he has on and off days but soon enough it’s all good days and he’s with Robin and Steve. The two are energetic just like him but today he can feel himself getting overstimulated and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself. Though something on the radio turns to a high pitched static and robins making noise that doesn’t make since jumping up and down and holding her ears as Steve is quick to shut it off. Quickly and gently not touching her the best he can, moves and has her sit in the back room in the dark with a window open so she can breathe. He moves back out apoligizing to eddie who is really trying not to do the bat flap and just run away with goblin noises.

Steve looks at him and raises a eyebrow. You see he’s been helping Robin out for a while, plus he’s been babysitting smaller kids for a while and he doesn’t know what it’s called but he knows when someone’s getting overwhelmed. He moves over closer to the other as he hums. “Are your stims loud or are they quite?” He asks curiously. That’s what one of the parents used for their child, who was in the process of being diagnosed for autism. And it seemed to be the only word that would fit Robin and Eddie at the moment.

“My what?” Eddie asks confused.

“Stims? Oh shit sorry I have this kid who gets overwhelmed really easily, and well he does these things when he is. He does a bird flap with his hands, starts to click his tongue, whistle or just say certain words over and over again because he likes how they sound. His parents call them stims, and Robin has them as well when she gets overwhelmed and you have the same face that the kid I babysit gets when he’s trying to act normal so- that and the kids told me you apparently turn goblin sometimes.” Steve explains looking at the other with curiousity.

And if Eddie wasn’t about to cry from how overwhelming everything was he would shamelessly fall in love with the other. No one’s ever treated what he has done normal for the first time he does it in his life. Though he’s quick to stammer out a sentence. Breathing picking up. “I get loud.”

“Well, Robin gets overwhelmed by loud or i else I would let you chill with her.” Steve frowns. “What normally helps?” He asks curiously. And Eddie flushed.

“I don’t know.”

“Ok- um come here. The kid I babysit when he gets overwhelmed really likes to cuddle. Maybe you’re the same?” Steve hums and Eddie’s face is flushing as he moves shamelessly over. If the other thought he could help then he would take it. He would cry if it didn’t work.

Steve moves letting the other in and he pulls the other into a warm hug gently rubbing his back and playing with his curls. It was a little overwhelming at first but when Eddie finally lets himself have a moment to close his eyes and breath, Steve’s the first person to properly bring him down. Though Steve does ask him what it means for him to turn “goblin” so he does end up making the noises he normally does acting as if he was saying normal words. Steve doesn’t laugh and nods his head as he helps the other to the best of his abilities.

When Robin comes out shes a little tired but a lot better. Eddie finally lets go when he feels better and Steve hums. “Weighted blankets normally help that kid I was telling you about, if you want I have a extra if you want it.”

And boy does Eddie fall in love.

#stranger things #steve x eddie #steddie #overstimulated #i get overstimulated #autistic eddie munson #Robin gets overwhelmed as well #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #post season 4 #Eddie calls his flappy hands bat hands #he bites things when he gets overwhelmed as well #he makes a lot of mouth noises and will say your mom a lot #I’m projecting so hard on this character #this is a bit rushed but I’m proud #Steve has learned how to help only because of his babysitting skills and because he loves his platonic soulmate Robin #Robin and Eddie share tips afterwords #Eddie does get a weighted blanket and he will drop on his knees for King Steve any day #Eddie would have a thing for Dino’s #he would totally find a stuffed Dino at Steve’s that a kid left behin and would just steal it #Eddie likes chewing on things so Steve constantly has gum on him now #this is a healthy relationship where Steve helps Eddie’s needs and Eddie helps Steve’s needs #bxb

[no-see-um-incorrect]

My exact thoughts while watching the summit 

Without context 

Spoilers obviously ⚠️

-What is it with Asher and losing his shoes? 

-David&Milo giving me big brother vibes rn

-“Jesus Christ hold still I’ll grab you one of mine” something about this line made my heart do a little flip 

-Vincent honey you’re doing your best and the best you can do is good enough ❤️

-got ghosted by daddy again!?!?

-The music 💀 Vincent I dare you 

-why can’t these to get married already? 🙄

-ngl I thought he was about to propose 

-a CROWN! Omfg i’m gonna start crying 

-“beautiful” OK. there it is. I guess I’m crying now 

-samsamsamsamsam

-Love kissing my cowboy 🥰

-me at every Thanksgiving dinner ever 

-how could the house be on fire? Asher is not even there yet

-me at Thanksgiving Pt2

-I am so gay for this Southern Man 

-“butter pecan what else” OOOOO! That sounds good. I could fuck with that 

-HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP LIKE THAT!

-“it’ll be our reward for making it through this in one piece” remember what happens when you assume Sam 

-Vincent handled this so well 

-Porter Absolute asshole..PORTER YOU FUCKER!

-gaslight gatekeep Girlboss-porter solaire 

-“actually, the circumstances of my birth well unfortunate were perfectly legitimate”  I can’t with this man. (this is something I would say)

-am I the only one who didn’t know that people just have meetings at fancy parties like this? and it’s like completely normal?

-so they have racist tendencies but they’re not racist…. yeah that tracks. 

-why did I not think there was gonna be food at this party? 

-Asher and Milo 🤣(also poor Vincent)

-Asher what did you do?!???

-Alexander and Christopher Bennett….why do I feel like these two are gonna be important

-last time I heard someone say that it ended up being a funeral 

-oh Christopher is just a dick 

-Who would’ve guessed the dick and the Ass are buddy buddy  fan fucking tastic 

-you did not just diss my boys eyeliner 

-Alexis? already? I was not expecting her appearance to be this early 

-oh. Oh she’s exactly like I expected her to be. Oh oh, I don’t think I could hate being right more than I do in this exact moment 

-I Am gunna fuck her up

-and YOU have never fought ME  Stay in your lane pussycat before you get hurt 

-“you should hope you never do” this is probably foreshadowing 

-you child!?!?? Grow up!?!???! Has she met her self !??

-let’s just completely forget what you did to Sam  because that surely wasn’t very “adult” of you Alexis 

-“because I wanted him” she is asking for it. *Googles how much a hitman costs*

-“fixed him” out of everything she said why does this line hit  worse than all the others? 

-given my track record I probably would have met him even if he was a Dilf healer

-oh the feeling is more than mutual honey 

-oh she’s a Cunt. I hate her. I hate her so so much.

-PORTER  THANK FUCK

-burn her Porter RECK HER

-“apologize to Sam yet” the enemy to the enemy is my friend 

-“as if I have a gag reflex” (i’m dead)

-also. go choke on a dick Alexis 

-thanks for checking in I was just about to commit a homicide

-hold on she’s only half a century old! I CAN TAKE HER (talking all that shit and she can’t even back it up)

-A blend of self-assured and insecure (sounds like high school ngl)

-🎼everyone thinks that were perfect🎼Please don’t let them look through the curtain🎼

-SAM! Hubby come help me before I commit multiple crimes 

-“my mate” never get old damn🥰

-how did I not know that vampires could track people? 

- “are you-” gonna go help my husband that’s what I’m doing  adios Captain Jack sparbitch

-I know this guy isn’t saying anything wrong  directly but I feel like this conversation is wrong in someway (it very well could be the autism)

-FUCK QUINN 

-honestly. Willy same  

-can’t excuse the Alexis part though 

-pretty please tell me that that line isn’t foreshadowing 

-Sammy angry (pop off boy it’s hot 😍)

-“if there’s any shred of you left that still remembers caring about me” OH FUCK THAT LINE OHHH FUCK

-The waiver in his voice. I can’t  i’m barely holding it together 

-“roll around with dogs” i’m about to cuss this hoe out 

-hey only Sam is allowed to call me that!

-ash has the same culinary standards as me (the quiz was right)

-Porter where the fuck did you come from? 

-did Sam teach you that? 

-Asher and Milo is me and my sister fr

-OoOooO say yo name again Milo. it made my brain happy

-Damn straight. One of the best in the department💅

-how did he know?!

-Asher honey. shut up 

-why can’t anybody else hear us? All these vampires are as old as dirt they probably can hear a pin drop of mile away

-Little bear? WHO? 

-Seriously what is with these meetings

- sweetheart is Batman confirmed?!?!??

Part two tomorrow because this is TOOOOO LONG

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redacted monarchal summit

[roachemoji]

NEW ST LIVE BLOGGING bc i lost my old thread lmao S1 06-08 (but not really i need to rewatch the end again)

Episode 6

OKAY im starting like halfway through ep 6 again

the AUTISM in the first 30 seconds of this episode starting up again lmao EL calling him a mouth breather because its the first insult she fucking hears??? Yea YEAH

GOD JOYCE IN A TURTLE NECK <- my mom (hold oni have to jump back up here because I completetly skipped the part about Jane and her mom and the connection to El and i feel like its a little too on the nose that thats who El is given how much ive seen and read about the fuckery and connections in this show so im waiting on that - unless it is just... that. AKJHD)

I LOVE DUSTIN SO MUCH WHY DO I NEVER HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT HIM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

hes SO smart holy shit i mean they all are but his interpersonal skills are so JUST YEAH CALL THEM OUT CALL THEM OUT also his quiet "ok" when he pushes that theyre all his best friends UGH

is this the scene is this the i think im about to watch the thing i just OH MAN HE JUST CLOCKED HIM WHO STRADDLES A MAN LIKE THAT WHEN YORUE FIGHTING HELLO

damn

anyway sorry Johnathan and Nancy Platonic Soulmates Best Friends Forever im making them bracelets !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh man i was gonna mention the van that Lucas saw but i forgot also GOD DUSTIN IS THE ONLY ONE WITH FUCKIGN SENSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH boys boys boys boys boys

I FORGOT HE PISSED HIS FUCKING PANTS LMAO

JUST PISS YOUR PANTS???? oh he okay yeah i though the was actually asking him to just piss his fucking pants

DUSTIN JUST SACRIFICING HIMSELF WHY DO I NOT HEAR MORE ABOUT HIM ACTUALLY

SO what would happen if Mike had like died what would happen if those kids had caused his death like wouold they have just ran and left Dustin or pushed him off or what like AKJSHDSKAJHD

IM SORRY THE SONG WHEN EL SHOWS UP IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

El exxperiencing PTSD so vividly breaks my fucking heart like girlie i understand i understan di do i reall really do god im so sorry BABY GIRL ITS OKAY AOOIASUDSKAH SHE OPENED THE GATE DAMN gonna like swaddle her or something god

im sorry the squad of white vans going to kidnap children is a little too on the fucking nose for me

---

Episode 7

real talk could El not just explode them what if El just exploded them i mean obviously theres OTHER consequences like... killing people BUt i mean.

SHE IDNT EXPLODE THE VAN BUT I MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT GUY IS PROBABLY DEAD SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pausing to say something actually: How child abuse is depicted so far in the show is very scary to me in how real it feels. To be a kid in those situations, to not understand the power you weild because an adult as manipulated you into believing that you're helpless? That the only person you can rely on is them, even as they're actively harming you? Brenner being aware of the harm that El can cause him but believing so strongly in the hold he has on her and therefore he is above consequence, above harm? fucking yucky The scene of him giving her the potted flower made my stomach sink. Felt a little too close to home I know that themes of abuse are really prevelant in this show and Its really interesting to see how it affects people different but especially El, someone who'se pretty fucking clearly autistic and shows a lot of the same symptoms that i did post abuse? I thought i had more to say on it and maybei will as time goes on i just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ough okay moving on --

LUCAS!!!!!!!!! APOLOGIZING and El saying she sorry too and ALL OF THEM APOLOGIZING YEAH THIS IS BOYS BEING BOYS BABEY THIS IS!!!! BOYS! BEING! BOYS!!!!!!!

WHITE WOMAN JUMPSCARE AGAIN

i cant wait to get to the part where i understand who you (POINTS AT EM) believe she is and fully feel whatever i should feel about her and what shes done or about to do or going to do in multiple timelines or what have YOU

Mikes dad makes me want to ram my head into a wall

and BRENNER is just fucking STABS HIM STABS HIM STABS HIM

Joyce is just :3c she just!! she <3

she can.... make you fly....... and...... piss yourself

the two super powers

OUHAKJSDH i forgot they think Johnathan killed Will jesus christ i hate these two so much and OUGAKSDH GOD THANK YOU FOR AKHSDAKJH FINALLY!! THANK U IK STEVE SHAPES UP AND CHANGES HIS SHIT AND GROWS THANK GOD BUT JESUS ITS ABOUT TIME HOLY FUCK

SPIT IN HIS EYES SPIT IN HIS EYES !!!! WISH U HAD GOD NOT THEIR DND SHIT HELLOW???

the Byers,,,,,,,,,, seemed so distant before like they didnt know each other or cared but god theyre so close theyre so so close and i feel that i get that

MIKES DAD AGAIN I WANT TO HES SO FUCKING STUPID if i were locked in a room with him id put on cocomelon

HOPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

THE BOYS ARE ALL SO SMART I LOVE THEM OS MUCH

El is just trying so fucking hard god the liek desperation and fear or failure and guilt that she just keeps carrying itS JUST!!!!

MR CLARKS LIL DATE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! do you ever use your teacher's autism against him and force him to info dump in the same of science.

watching them setting up the pool and knowing they probably just told them to figure it out while they filmed it <3 ALSO MIKE REALIZING HIS SISTER IS ACTUALLY COOL idk need more siblings being siblings

JOYCE IS MY MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

someone giving El the option to say no? to back out? to FEEL SAFE??? im going to lose my mind im gonan scREAM and cry and throw up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am BANGING MY FISTS On the TABLE

genuinely WAHT did barb do to deserve this WHAT DID SHE DO SHE WAS SUCH A GOOD FRIEND OH MY GOD

joyce joyc ejoCYCE JOYCE JOYCE fuck all yall shes my favorite character im in love with her

Do episodes that end in the upside down also not end with music @ em i cant remember this happening before bc i didnt write it down <3

---

Episode 8

LAST EPISIDE OF THE SEASON i went to get popcorn for this to pay full attention or as much as i could im goingin an dout of dissociating so bare with me i feel like im gonna have to rewatch the entire first season again bc i missed a lot but we'll get there in due time anyway onward and upward boys

OHH THE FIRST SCENE I SAW A PARALLEL TO EPISODE ONE!!! WITH JOYCE ON THE PHONE AND NOW YELLING AT BRENNER

god i love WHEN PEOPLE STAND UP TO BRENNER AND DONT BELIEVEHIS BULLSHIT

Hopper <333333

Johnathan and Nancy are my favorite best friends theyre jUST like GUNG FUCKING HO i love it

IM OAIUSDKAJHD NANCY AND HOPPER GOING FUCKING IN WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN yall keep underesitimating these people because you got your fancy suits and you think ou have control of the situation and then you get your ass handed to you SO IM waiting for his ass to be handed to him

do NOTTTTT DO NOT DO THIS TO ME WITH HOPPER DONT THROW ME INTO A FUCKING FLASH BACK!!!!!!! NOT LIKE THIS NOT HERE GONNA BITE

if i have to watch people cut their palms to get blood one more time im gonna STOP STOP IT STOP IT STOP oh my GOD LIKE... BAK O FYOU HAND? YOUR ARM? GIRL.

STEEVEEEEEEEEE are the lights gonna start blinking girl please pleas eplease srteve please can he help kill please bro Im HIS big brown eyes hello hwa the fuck

SO Tumblr deleted... everything after this and im kinda upset man i got like 20 minutes left in the episode not even and it just wiped out 90% of me going balls to the fuck wall about El exploding people's brains and how much i love Joyce Byers and how they gotta stopputting me through so much emotional turmoil when it comes to Hopper and his flash backs

I think im gonna rewatch the last episode to give a better genuine reaction bc i kinda spaced out at the end and dont super know whats going on now askdhj

#bo posting #bo.txt #stranger things #oougHSKDHGSJF #AH

[lunchbox-for-gays]

Hi, i saw the request being open so i decide to go for it. Can you do a headcanon of Saxton Hale and smut headcanon for him, he lowkey needs some appreciation.

Yes. *Explodes into nothing*

Saxton Hale headcanons and smut headcanons

Actually hates the cold. He won't wear proper protection because it really doesn't feel horrible but he hates it because he can't walk around in those booty cargo shorts he loves so much

Give him anything spicier than a good bowl of chili and he will not be fine for two whole days

A light eater, doesn't matter if it's his favorite meal he simply doesn't eat much

Very touchy. Will hold hands anytime he can or be in your general space as often as possible

Says he's anti capitalism but would not be able to fully commit because the supermarket he visits has a sweet old lady in the deli isle and he always buys something from her

Avid human rights supporter

Not much of a kisser, but when he does want to kiss he gets all shy. Wants to kiss for several minutes and tell you about how much he loves everything about you

Doesn't mind PDA, more than happy to let you lean on him

Will not fight a small dog, he would lose

Favorite ice cream is rocky road or mint choc chip. Wants to try pistachio but no parlor serves it for some reason...

Does not actually have good table manners, don't listen to anything he says, he's lying and doesn't know how to use a napkin

Grooms his mustache when nobody is around, he wants it looking good but doesn't want anybody to know that

Autism be damned my boy can *work a grill * doesn't know how to turn it on

Can knit, does it in private after a long week

Okay let's fuck him

Quite long, but not super thick. If you pay attention closely you can find a vein on the lower left

Service top yet anytime he's bottoming he's a brat

An ass man, doesn't matter if you're as flat as farmland he just likes ass

Someone please fuck this man until he cries he needs it

Loves getting oral, it's his personal favorite

Speaking of oral, goes slow when giving. He wants to see you ask him to go faster

Big fan of anal, once again an ass man

Not a sensitive prostate but loves when you get him off from it

Wants to tie up his lovers and always thought it was interesting

Fucks like a wild animal when you don't tell him to go slow

Actually likes going slow despite the last one, he's just a powerhouse so he doesn't always know how rough he's really being

Actually owns of those crop riders. Likes it when you use it on him more than you would think

Not a super kinky guy, but will experiment with things if you ask nicely

Thinks topping from the bottom is fun

Would wear a harness out in public, preferably under a shirt since he gets a little embarrassed about it

Put him in a breeding press please he'll actually beg for it every once in a while

Speaking of begging, isn't above begging his heart out to get even the lightest touches

Oh did you know his nips are sensitive? Will let you play with them in bed, but will start leaking like a broken faucet

Can and will ride you for hours and through several orgasms

#saxton hale #tf2 headcanons #tf2 smut #tf2 saxton hale #saxton hale x reader #tf2 Saxton Hale x reader

[asmolemmeeatyouout]

The Boys With an Autistic MC HC !! (SFW !)

(aka I’m projecting bc sad) (I also have adhd so there will be adhd moments)

Lucifer:

This boy has so much work yet he still find the time to help you put together a routine

WILL make sure you stick to it

He will rearrange the entire school if it will help you

If any demon and I mean ANY demon is even the slightest bit mean to you they go mysteriously missing the next day

Sometimes he infantilises you but he doesn’t mean to, tell him to cut it out and the shame will rip through him

In line with that you will probably find him cutting the crusts off your sandwiches and rearranging your stuffies, up to you if you want him to stop that (I hate crusts and my teddies deserve to be comfortable too)

Makes sure you’re accommodated everywhere in the devildom not just rad and and the hol

One day you realise his suit jacket? Perfect fabric for stimming

He starts dressing according to the fabrics you like

Let’s you hold his sleeve arm when talking bc it’s a good stim

Will put his jacket on you when you’re overwhelmed and need some familiarity

You start to associate his smell with safety

Mammon:

Pretends he doesn’t care

Treats you the most normal out of all the brothers

Has actually memorised your routine and knows your stressors/meltdown/shutdown triggers

White knights you very subtly

You think demons are very accepting in the devildom but in reality mammon does the same as luci but his approach is much more ‘stop it before it starts’

Buys you stimmies bc he loves the way you look when you’re happy stimming (yes BUYS not steals)

Too embarrassed to give you them so they just appear in your room

He’s just coincidentally in the hallway when you come rushing out to show people

You eventually realise it’s gotta be him bc he’s always there when you find em so you just start running directly to him

Loves it if you have echolalia

Tries to get you to repeat ‘the great mammon’ as much as possible

If he finds you repeating words/beeping at the microwave he will engage and do the same until you happy stim (then he will try get you to repeat ‘mc’s first man the great mammon’

If you start calling him that ?! The boy will melt. (I get intense echolalia with ‘mammonie’ and i think he would straight up die hearing mc go ‘mammonie mammonie mammonie’

After all it makes sense that the great mammon is constantly on your mind

Levithian:

Another nerd ?! Heck yeah!! !

Very glad you aren’t a normie

Perhaps relates the most to your experience against the allistics as ppl don’t like him bc he’s a ‘yucky okatu’

Loves when you talk about a special interest (SI) because you’re just as obsessive as he is

Will try and get you obsessed with anime and manga if you aren’t already

Is a shut in so he gets that people are overwhelming and scary at times

Is uncharacteristically vulnerable and open with you bc he feels like you understand his existence at a deeper level

If you like squishes (and show him first) he will start asking for the deep pressure hugs when he feels he needs them

But ofc bc you’re both you, the method for asking is just repeating the word squish over and over while you hug

Eye contact !? Oh hell no

Most of your conversations are done facing away from each other

Asmodeus:

Same clothes? Comfort items? No no no no no you gotta look beautiful like you are!

Does not entirely get it at first, how can anyone want to wear something more than once?

Once you explain it he will drag you shopping (to high end shops, using avoiding crowds as an excuse to pamper you) to find a signature, beautiful, comfortable and easy to put on outfit for you to wear

He will then buy 30 of them just in case you lose anything

He WILL give you presents randomly after you told him you like to wear clothing with emotional significance

Bonding time includes decorating your ear defenders and sunglasses

If your SI is anything to do with fashion or beauty or just asmo things in general this boy will NEVER leave your side. You become the only person he wants to talk to

If you excited stim by bouncing, hand flapping or squealing he is right there with you creating a feedback loop of excited stimming

When he finds out you like routine he will check you’re doing the beauty routine he made for you every night

If you’re too tired he will do it for you (or even if you just ask he loves being close to you)

If you’re touch repulsed he will ask every time before he even gets close to you (EVERY DAMN TIME ! This man understands consent and the fact that some days touch is too much others it’s not)

Satan:

Acts like lucifer visa the routine n rad but with no infantilising

Reads every study ever done on autism and neurodivergence ever

ANGOR at human world autism studies bc they’re dumb and there’s so much more interesting things to investigate to do with being autistic

He does go to the human world and he does stab a$$ and those involved

If you let him he will study you

Tracks your sleep, eating habits, and mood regulation (after he asks ofc)

Meltdowns? No that’s a regular day in Satan’s head

He lets you use his rage room (he definitely has a room exclusively for smashing stuff) if you feel even a little stressed

Likes talking about your SI’s with you bc it’s rare he finds someone so knowledgeable on a subject

Beelezebub:

The kindest most patient boy

Helps you find foods that don’t mess with your texture issues

Checks to make sure you’ve eaten in case you’ve been distracted and not realised you’re hungry

Doesn’t understand AFRID because food is good?? But is willing to help you with it (see previous points)

Stims with you because it makes you happy

Will let you info dump for hours even if he doesn’t get it

Is generally very warm so he makes the perfect person for squishes

Perfectly happy to just sit in silence and not talk or make eye contact

Belphagor:

Definitely understands the exhaustion that comes with being disabled

If you even look overstimulated he will kidnap you for a nap (whether than be physically or if you’re touch repulsed he will fake an emergency (the emergency is you being over stim Ed) just to get u out, it’s the only thing he puts effort into)

Shares his secret super soft blanket stash bc you are the only one who can appreciate how freaking soft the texture is

Best person to look after you in a shutdown bc he kinda gets it

Gets his own ear defenders and sunglasses so he can sleep in class (claims it’s solidarity with you)

Just enjoys your company like his bro so ditto on the silence thing

(There’s more I can think of but this is already really long, comment if u want part 2)

#obey me #satan obeyme #obey me asmo #asmodeus hc #obey me levithian #obey me mammon #lucifer obey me #beelezebub obey me #belphagor obey me #obey me hc #headcanons #actuallyautistic #adhd #obey me autistic #obey me x reader #autistic mc #autisticmc

[touya-is-dabi]

Yay they're open now!!! I'd love to see how Dabi (or Hawks, i simp for both) would react to a darling who's on the spectrum for autism. Its not super noticable but they can go from 0 to 100 when discussing things they like, or if they get excited, but if they become scared or stressed they just totally shut down. The biggest thing would be the fact they don't panic if their kidnapped if their treated nice. Like the amount of chill would be unsettling until they pop off with at least your nice.

Alright! First of all I do have to state that I am going to try my HARDEST to get everything right here. I personally am not on the spectrum, so I do not know what it's truly like. However based on what you described I feel like I can do it well enough? I'm gonna give you both Dabi and Hawks cause you are one of Dabi's Hoes with me and I love and respect you kid. Enjoy!

Dabi and Hawks with S/O who is on the spectrum for Autism.

Dabi

He honestly had not a clue when you two first started dating.

When you first came into his life he saw you as a bundle of joy who was very emotional at times but he didn't mind.

Opposites attract am I right folks?

As you two became closer and he watched you more closely.

In more ways then one if you know what I mean? Eh eh... Eh?

*nudge nudge wink wink*

I'll stop now

One day when he came back from a mission he saw how stressed you were. You laid on your shared bed, hugging his pillow and staring at the wall.

"Hey cutie, you miss me that much?"

He just wanted to lighten the mood. He knew you were upset.

Of course you didn't answer.

And that made him so damn worried.

His self doubt made him believe for a split second that you hated him.

The boy has trauma and I feel like people don't realize that enough.

He tried to hold you close as you jolted a bit.

He stared at you. Looking the most worried he has ever been with you.

"Darling... Please, tell me what's going on. I hate to see you hurting."

That's when you told him everything.

He didn't really react to it. He just nodded and hugged you tightly.

His abnormal warmth was just what you needed to not be so stressed.

"I never would have thought... But I don't see you any different y/n"

That night the two of you stayed in the room and just cuddled watching movies and talking about random things.

Now that he knows he can take care of you better.

He won't say it, but he's so grateful you shared that with him.

That you trusted him enough.

He also has become much more protective of you.

Hawks

The day you got kidnapped was the day he was ready to murder.

He had sent his entire agency to find you.

You are his baby bird kid.

He had gotten a call from an unknown number as he flew around the city for any signs.

"We have Y/N... If you-"

"Hi Hawks! I'm okay! These people are kinda nice!"

Hawks nearly fell out of the sky.

"Y/N DON'T SAY THAT THEY KIDNAPPED YOU!"

"But they did it nicely!"

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!"

When he finally got you back he had no clue how to explain to you that if someone kidnaps you... That you shouldn't be okay with it.

You only shrugged it off and repeated that they were nice.

He sighed and smiled at you. He looked tired.

"Baby Bird I am not sure how to handle you and your quirkiness sometimes. It's unlike any other kid."

You only shrugged.

"I mean 80% of the population has a quirk."

He started to laugh a bit as you said that.

That night he had asked if you had always been like this.

You told him you were pretty sure, but you also told him why.

He smiled at you and held you close to him.

"That's completely fine baby bird. Just makes you even more interesting kid."

*happy noises*

From then on he knew to always have someone keep an eye on you.

Can have you willingly just hang out with Villans.

He now understands why you get so amped up about things you love.

He is so happy to still be learning new things about you every day.

If anyone makes fun of you for it... They better drop off the grid and live in the middle of nowhere

All in all this chicken wing loves you and doesn't care as long as you are you and nothing else.

#mha #mha dabi #mha hawks #hawks x y/n #dabi x y/n #hawks x reader #dabi x reader #autistic reader #mha fluff #pegdabi2020 #y/n please dont willingly get kidnapped

[italian-pastry]

BNHA Kid Headcanons

(For @yourwildflowerbouquet )

KIRIBAKU

-Eijirou had always wanted a lot of kids

-and Katsuki can't say no to his husband

-so there's 5 of them

-(damn 5 whole children)

-their kids call them Papa (Eijirou) and Dad (Katsuki)

-the first one is a girl

-she's just a copy-paste katsuki (personality wise) but with a better attitude

-they were figuring out how to raise kids

-they did pretty well, I think

-Her quirk is Fragmentation (She can make spikes on her body, then shoot them off like missles)

-her name is Mieko (Already Prosperous)

-the second one was a boy

-he ended up much more like Eijirou

-overall a radical little dude

-his quirk is Lavanic (he secretes lava like how Mina secretes acid)

-his name is Akio (Bright Man; Manly; Hero)

-(wow so original)

-the third one was born a male but she's more comfortable identifying as a girl so she's a she and that's that

-suprisingly timid for being raised by Katsuki and Eijirou

-also surprisingly, she still manages to be more like Katsuki whilst being timid

-passionate, stubborn, probably has some sort of complex, etc.

-her quirk is Pressure Blow (she hardens her own skin, but not as strong as Eijirou can, and when it breaks, there's an explosion)

-her name is Hiroki (Bright; Hope)

-the last two are twins

-which really surprised Katsuki

-"wtf why are there two"

-"well, kat, there is such a thing as twins"

-there is a girl and boy

-katsuki was horrified when his mom told him that the girl acted just like he did when he was a baby

-the boy is much more chill

-he just wants to play sports is that such a crime?

-the girl's quirk is Explosion (can send out a burst of energy like an explosion) and the boy's is Implosion (Explosion but in reverse)

-the girl's name is Kana (Powerful) and the boy's name is Tatsuhiro (Dragon, Immense Power)

-they're one big happy family

-Mieko has fully sharp teeth (like Eijirou) and the twins have partially sharp teeth

TODODEKU

-Shouto was worried when Izuku brought up the prospect of having kids

-he didn't want to fuck them up because he had a terrible dad

-"Izuku you didn't have a dad and I wish I didn't have a dad we're gonna fuck up this poor kid"

-Izuku respected his wishes and accepted the fact that they probably wouldn't have kids

-until Shouto had a chat with Natsuo (after Natsu became a dad)

-"Here's how I think of it, little bro; I'm gonna be the best fucking dad to this kid to show Endeavor that no matter how badly he fucked me up, I can still be happy with a better family than he will ever have"

-that certainly changed Shouto's perspective on things

-"oh yeah don't forget to have a good support system and do research on how to raise a kid or idk ask someone with actually good parents ok good luck buddy"

-So Shouto was lile "hey maybe we can try this kid thing out I did research and I'm feeling a bit more confident in my ability to raise a human"

- Izuku: :DD

-So they had a son!

-He's real chill (he's the mom friend and proud of it)

-imagine Shouto's overall chillness, but with Izuku's caring nature

-his quirk is Half-Flurry Half-Firework (he can make snow from one side of his body and sparks from the other)

_his name is Toshi, for obvious reasons

-(All Might cried)

-Izuku was like "look at how well we're doing with our son! Man, we we're worried over nothing!"

-"let's have another"

-"what"

-"you heard me"

-so they had another!

-Poor girl was born with the curse of blue eyes and red/pink hair

-Shouto was happy that she at least got Izuku's freckles to balance it out

-Homegirl is just Izuku minus anxiety

-she'd be unstoppable if she really tried

-her quirk is Thermostat (she can raise or lower the temperature of the air around her)

-her name is Arakan (Worthy One; Hero)

-Izuku: Wow I love our kids and how not screwed up they are :D

-Shouto: one more

-Izuku: wha

-Shouto: Just one more

-So they had one more

-she's a very good girl

-very respectful and sweet

-her quirk is black ice (ice, but black)

-her name is Youdai (Gentle; Shine)

- The kids call their parents Chichi (Izuku) and Daifu (Shouto)

-Sometimes called 'Chi' and 'Dai'

-These kids have 1 (one) grandpa and his name is Toshinori and he's their favorite

-The kids' grandmas are also very popular in this household

TSUYURAKA

-Ochako was pretty excited to have kids

-And tsu wanted them too so it all worked out

-They had a son first!

-he's a sweet boy who loves everyone and has a deep passion for life

-he does fall on the autism spectrum, but he works hard to not let that hold him back

-Tsu and Ochako are very supportive of their boy

-his quirk is Space Boy (He can increase or lower the amount of gravity affecting himself or anything he kicks)

-his name is Takiyo (waterfall)

-fun fact: he has half-n-half hair (half brown half green)

-their second child is a beautiful girl

-she's sisterly and energetic

-she doesn't really "get" hero culture and the desire for that lifestyle

-her quirk is Frog Morph (she can turn into a frog)

-her quirk is pretty plain, but she doesn't care

-her name is Ezumo (Fountain; cloud)

-Ochako and Tsu didn't have another kid for some time for no one reason

-but they did have another!

-he's a wittle itsy bitsy baby boy!

-he has a moon birthmark around his left eye

-AND heterochromia

-(man their kids have alot of half-n-half bastard traits)

His quirk is Orbit (anything he touches starts to orbit around himself)

-His name is Tsuki (Moon), but he's nicknamed Usagi (Rabbit)

- the kids call their moms Haha (Ochako) and Mama (Tsuyu)

-Since Ochako and Tsuyu didn't take each other's last names, their kids have alternating last names

-Takiyo and Tsuki have the Asui last name, and Ezumo has the Uraraka last name

SHINKAMISERO

-Denki and Hanta were the ones most excited to have kids at first, and Hitoshi was like 'cool go nuts I'll help raise them'

-So, biologically, their first kid's parents are Hanta and Denki

-but he's still very close to Hitoshi

-he looks and acts a lot like Hanta

-he's an all around sk8r boi

-his quirk is Electric Tape (basically Hanta's quirk but he can send and harness electricity via his tape)

-His name is Takeo (Warrior)

-one day when he was young, he had a really bad nightmare, and the only one of his dads awake was Hitoshi (since he's an insomniac)

-Hitoshi listened to his boy's rambling, and told him that no matter what monster or villain comes after him, he promises that he'd always protect him

-but one day, some B-tier villains broke into their home while Hanta and Denki were out doing Hero things

-Hitoshi tried to take them down, but they anticipated fighting him and had a strategy to take him down and ended up knocking him out

-when he was woken up by the police, they discovered that Takeo had been taken by the villains

-for five days, the villains had held him for ransom

-and for those five days, Hitoshi worked literally non-stop to try and track down and rescue Takeo

-after those five days, they ended up paying the ransom, and Takeo was returned to the police and his family safely

-except for a large gash on his shoulder he got during the initial break-in

-the whole event deterred Hitoshi from having more kids

-he was very anxious about being there for Takeo, and Hanta and Denki understood that

-so he and his husbands didn't have kids for like 15 years

-at this point, Takeo is a teenager, more independent, and is stronger/can tale care of himself

-Hitoshi feels better now about being able to put his attention elsewhere (focus less on Takeo)

-so he brought up to his husbands "Hey, do ya maybe wanna have another kid?"

-and they were like "omigosh yeah totally yes let us have another child"

-and there were twins!

-one boy and one girl!

-Hitoshi was just as confused as Baku when twins showed up

-"hol' up I only signed up for 1 kid not 2"

-"too bad they're yours"

-"Two for the price of one!" <- that's Hanta

-Biologically speaking, both of them are Hitoshi's, but the boy has Denki's DNA and the girl has Hanta's

-the boy has a resting bitch face and cries a lot

-the girl has resting sad face, but she's actually pretty cool

-the boy's quirk is Electroshock Therapy (mostly like Denki's quirk, except when he shocks you, you're under his control) and the girl's name is Mind Bind (it looks like Deku's Black Whip, except whenever it wraps around someone, they're under her control)

-the boy's name is Masashi (Commander; General) and the girl's name is Maemi (Honest Child)

-it's a bit weird for Takeo to have newborn siblings, but he loves them regardless!

-the kids call their dads Dad (Hitoshi), Pop (Denki), and Dada (Hanta)

AOMINA

-since I HC that Yuuga is graysexual, he didn't really vibe with kids for a while after they were married

-but Mina was totally fine with that!

-"hey it means I can still say fuck in my own house it's cool it's cool"

-although when Mina expressed further interest in kids a bit down the line, Yuuga was like "mmmmokay why not"

-and they had a girl!

-she has pink skin and weird eyes like Mina, but blonde hair and purple eyes like Yuuga!

-she also doesn't have horns

-she's very much like Mina

-she comes off as narcissistic at times, but she just has enough self-confidence for two people

-her quirk is Glo Splash (from one side of her body, she secretes one of the chemicals that make up the liquid in glow sticks, and the other half of her secretes the other chemical. She can mix them together to make it glow!)

-her name is Minako (child of Mina)

-Mina is not allowed to name their children anymore

-so when their son is born, Yuuga named him

-he got pink hair and horns and yellow eyes, but normal skin and normal eyes

-he's oddly very timid and anxious, which gives him a disconnect from the rest of his outgoing family

-his quirk is Lazer Horn (he can shoot lasers like Yuuga's from his horns)

-his name is Yukio (Snow Boy)

-the kids have hyphenated last names (Ashido-Aoyama) as opposed to having only one last name like their parents

-the most fab family has matching names: Yuuga and Yukio, Mina and Minako

-both the kids are fluent in French, and know snippets of English (we stan multilingual families)

-the kids call their parents Père (Yuuga) and Mama (Mina)

HAGOJIROU

-since Tooru was already pregananant when they got married, their first kid was quite a tad older than the majority of their Classmate's kids

-eh it's fine tho

-the first kid was a beautiful girl!

-due to her quirk, she likes to wear bright, complex clothing as to not go unnoticed

-she also makes a point to talk relatively loudly especially when in crowds

-her quirk is Ninja (physically, she is only an outline. She cannot be seen if she is standing still or the person looking for her doesn't know she's there)

-her name is Chieko (child blessed with wisdom)

-they had a second child a few years later on

-a boy!

-his fav hero is Ground Zero (to Mashirao's dismay)

-anyone who says otherwise can catch these hands

-he is also a woman respecter 100% through and through

-he can and will kick ass

-his quirk is Invisishift (he can turn himself invisible)

-kinda plain, but he loves it!

-his name is Ryuji (Dragon Child)

-A couple years after that (7-8 years or so) they had one more kid

-yet another boy!

-he's a lot like his mom (likes pranks, friendly, just a cool dude)

-he has really poofy curly hair

-his quirk is Tail (it's just Mashirao's quirk idk what to tell y'all)

-his name is Taishiro (Ambitious Boy)

-(i JUST learned that he shares his name with Fat Gum that was not planned I promise)

-all the kids can kick ass

-"Martial arts is an excellent form of exercise for children!" <- Mashirao

-the kids call their parents Mum (Tooru) and Pops (Mashirao)

-everyone's last name is Ojirou

MOMOJIROU

-Momo was really excited to have kids when their friends started announcing their pregnancies/having kids

-Baby Fever if you will

-Kyouka also wanted kids, but wasn't as outwardly excited as Momo

-and they had twiiiiiiiins

-also one boy and one girl

-because apparently there can't be same-sex twins in my headcanons

-the girl is more like Kyouka

-kinda punk, wants to be a hero, all that jazz (haha music)

-the boy is more like Momo

-elegant, charismatic, wants to go into Hero Management

-the girl's quirk is Stereo Heart (she has earphone jacks, and can play any sound she's ever heard, plus combinations) and the boy's is Bass Boost (he also has earphone jacks, but he can only alter his heartbeat (increase bass, vibrato, ect.))

-the girl's name is Satoshi (Intelligent History) and the boy's is Utano (Field Of Songs)

-both the kids are musically talented and very smart

-thanks for the great talents, moms!

-the kids call their parents Mom (Kyouka) and Mama (Momo)

-sometimes Kyouka and Momo can't tell which parent the kid is calling for, so they usually both yelling back (or the wrong one)

-it's a whole process to get the attention of the mom you want

-"HEY MOM"

-"YEAH?"

-"NO NOT YOU, MAMA, I SAID M O M"

#bnha #bnha hcs #bnha next gen #graysexual aoyama #kiribaku #tododeku #tsuyuraka #shinkamisero #aomima #hagojirou #momojirou #kirishima x bakugou #todoroki x deku #tsuyu x uraraka #shinsou x kaminaro x sero #aoyama x mina #ojiro x hagakure #momo x jirou #Mha Born And Raised #Born And Raised

[booksneedcaffeinetoo]

BOOK REVIEW: The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi

The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi My rating: 5 of 5 stars

He taught him how to eat and how to hunger for things out of reach and how to steal without ever looking like you lack for something.

So Roshani originally said she wanted to write a book that was essentially National Treasure but with hotter people and all of the glamorous catastrophes of The Mummy.

THE GILDED WOLVES has the puzzle solving of National Treasure with the charming characters of The Mummy but this book is something else entirely.

I fucking adored it.

So what's this book about?

Basically, everyone is obsessed with rings.

Just kidding. Sort of.

Really it's a book about a group of teens who are on the hunt for artifacts and steal them. It's a ragtag team of misfits who already have an established group dynamic (which is rare in these types of group-themed adventure books) which was cool. They all have known each other for at least a year (besides Hypnos, buts he's special, okay), so the working dynamic, preferences, etc. are established. Some have know each other for many years. Any ways, I loved that aspect. But yeah, basically they steal stuff, do magic, solve puzzles, do treasure hunts, commit heists, investigate conspiracies, bake a lot of pastries, feed a tarantula, and try to win back one dude's title.

I have no idea ow to even shelve this book because it is historical fiction but also has magic but they call it science but it is hidden from society (sort of). Whatever the hell it is, it works.

Also this book has IMAGES. SO COOL. Mostly nerdy. But very cool.

So we are blessed with 4 main POVs:

Séverin:

My boy steals back objects that the rich stole from others?!? He finds treasure?! Damn. He really is a sexy, more charming Nicholas Cage. Also, the dude has purple eyes. What's not to love?! He steals stuff. Sometimes because it use to be his. Sometimes to give it back to its rightful owner, sometimes just for the thrill of it.

Acquiring was what he called his particular hobby. It sounded … aristocratic. Wholesome, even.

But also this:

“I don’t want to be their equal. I don’t want them to look us in the eye. I want them to look away, to blink harshly, as if they’ve stared at the sun itself. I don’t want them standing across from us. I want them kneeling.”

He's my favorite character of the book. I just want my boy to be happy.

Laila:

She can read the objects around her. I know that particular skill has a fancy name, I can't remember it. Regardless of what it is called, she does it. And it is cool AF. Also, my girl can BAKE. I'm jealous. I burn everything. Or someone manage to make cookies both burnt and underdone. Clearly Laila is a wizard.

Being loud in one life allowed her to be quiet in others.

My girl has a secret. Trust me, it's not what you're thinking. Also she's the total mom of the friend group. I love her.

Enrique:

What a nerd. A funny, attractive, bisexual nerd.

Enrique had always imagined what it would feel like to be a hero. This was not how he imagined it.

His relationship with Zofia and his banter with Hypnos gives me life. I love my nerdy boys.

Zofia:

A math wizard, loves fire and sugar cookies. I think she's written to be on the autism spectrum. I love my math geek.

When it came to socializing, Zofia had difficulty knowing the right moves. But fighting was different. It was all patterns, anticipation of the movement of muscle. That she could do.

Also, she's super smart and loves to set things on fire. Heh heh. I really like this chick.

With amazing supporting characters like:

Tristan:

Dude has a scary spider. When Roshani said on TwitterTristan is a gardener extraordinaire & also that little brother who says "LOOK WHAT I FOUND" and thrusts a bunch of writhing insects in your face while cooing at them. She wasn't kidding...

Tristan barged into the room, his hands outstretched. “Look! I thought Goliath was dying, but he’s fine. He just molted!” Enrique screamed. Laila scuttled backward on her chaise. Zofia leaned forward, inspecting the enormous tarantula in Tristan’s hands.

He loves plants and bugs and is an adorable child. The baby of the fam.

Hypnos:

Technically has a POV. But it's only one, so does that really count? Idk. My boy is funny. Charming. Not above blackmail.

"You’ll like working with me, I promise! I’m fabulous at parties, have excellent taste in menswear, et cetera, et cetera."

He's mostly drunk, very funny, and I love my gay fave.

What else do I love about this book?!?

The b a n t e r.

Exhibit A:

“Still waiting on my thanks, you know,” huffed Enrique. “It took me ages to research and assemble that.” “It would have taken less time if you didn’t antagonize Zofia.” “It’s inevitable. If I breathe, your engineer is prepared to launch warships.” “Then hold your breath.”

Exhibit B:

“You’re doing it again,” said Enrique. “What?” “That whole nefarious-whilst-looking-into-the-distance thing. What are you hiding, Séverin?” “Nothing.” “You and your secrets.” “Secrets keep my hair lustrous,” said Séverin, running his hand through his curls.

Exhibit C:

Enrique scowled as he held apart the bear’s jaws. “Remember when you said, ‘This will be fun’?” “Can this wait?” Séverin grunted through clenched teeth. “I suppose.”

Exhibit D:

Enrique being a total nerd geeking out about an artifact

“No need to seduce the thing,” cut in Séverin. “I’m appreciating it.” “You’re fondling it.” Enrique rolled his eyes. “It’s an authentic piece of history and should be savored.” “You might at least buy it dinner first,” said Séverin.

Exhibit E:

“Must you creep up on us like that? I didn’t even hear you come into the room!” “It’s part of my aesthetic.”

Exhibit F:

“What is taking that security guard so long?” Enrique grumbled. “He was supposed to be out by eight o’clock. It’s nearly nine.” “Maybe he doesn’t have a clock.” He stared at her. “Are you finally making a joke?” “I’m pointing out a gap in your observation.”

Exhibit G:

Zofia sat up straight, held his gaze, then did what she’d seen Laila do many times when she looked at Séverin—lift one corner of her mouth ever so slightly, but tilt her head down at the same time … wait, now she couldn’t see anything, oh, and Laila would sometimes lift up one shoulder— “What on earth are you doing?” “I am imitating patterns of flirtation.” “Wait. You’re flirting. With … me?” Zofia frowned. Why would he think that? She just said she was imitating the general strategy of others. “Maybe I have the methodology wrong. I also saw women do this. Better?” She relaxed her body. Then pretended there was something on her upper lip and licked it off with a slow swipe of her tongue. Enrique blinked rapidly then shook his head. Shaking one’s head meant no. Zofia shrugged and waved her hand. “I’ll practice later.” “You … don’t need much,” said Enrique, his voice pitched lower than usual. He wasn’t looking at her. She must have been terrible.

Honestly, the dialogue in this book is great. And the sexual tension between Laila and Séverin has me dead. I've never wanted two characters to be end game so badly before.

Also, shout out to Roshani for mixing the good and the bad parts of history. She mentions it in her Author's Note too, but this book doesn't shy away from our less savory parts of history.

Basically this book is amazing and deserves ALL THE STARS.

I am thirsting for the sequel.

Content Warnings:

violence, anti-Jewish remarks/bullying (towards main character, includes hate crime), mention of suicide (part two intro + chapter 38), slavery, colonization, child abuse, racism, murder, mentions of house fire that ended in death, torture, self-harm (mentioned earlier in book, shown briefly chapter 26), people zoo (because racism), drugging person without their consent, implied rape (via "sex" with slaves which result in children)

View all my reviews

#the gilded wolves #book review #review #booksneedcaffeinetooblog

[intheenditsalwaysme]

Okay let’s try something out! I’ve thought about this for years but attempted and failed multiple times, because I mean really who wants to read about someone’s “ordinary dysfunctional life”...

If it’s read great if not at least I’m not going to explode from holding it in. So IF you are by chance bored out of your mind and reading this like wth is up with this chick, let me give you a brief summary.

I am BlakeLeigh (no that’s not my government name but there are creeps in the world so yeah). I am from NC, oldest of 2 daughters, my parents are still married ,I’m a PK (yes,preachers kid) and no it’s not true in every case we aren’t all wild! I’m a boy mom, my son is on the spectrum. Yes autism; if you know who Sheldon is from the Big Bang theory is Boom, that’s him in a nut shell! Right, you’re shocked not rain man, Sam I am, Nope Sheldon. Hence the term spectrum cause that bitch is huge and way different in every case! Anyway he’s my world, I’ve fought every day since I found out I was pregnant to make his life the best it could be, cause that’s what parents do. Most cases it’s plural, in my scenario I’m both. “high school sweetheart”=toxic ex, yeah don’t believe the hype lol. Any way, got married young, had my baby at 19; dealt with total toxicity for 7years and decided my son deserved better than a once a month sperm donor! Cause he was NEVER a parent, never present. So yeah forward to 2016 met my Husband, fought toxic IT through court and now I’m legally the only parent aye, total blessing. Because ladies, (and gentlemen ) domestic violence IS NOT LOVE!!! You can not change them, is it scary as hell to try and get out YES, but is it worth it HELL YES! You can do it, I did it, and I was shy and timid AF but here I am now a completely different person and I love her (90% of the time) let’s be honest!

But today’s rant, (like you really care but here it is) Being a Pastor’s Daughter you see the world from a TOTALLY different perspective, you see someone Sacrifice so much of their time and energy into others and being there for them on call 24/7, 365 days a year! And before you come at me for religious beliefs or non-beliefs, don’t cause I’m totally gonna blow your socks off at a later date with some personal information about myself. I accept all people as people, no judgement here! Want to know why CAUSE I’ve literally been judged my ENTIRE LIFE under a freakin’ microscope! Okay, so yeah judgement free over here! So, if you’re from the SOUTH or any type of ties to the church world, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “church hurt”. Well let me tell you it’s a real damn thing okay! Wanna know how I know this I’ve experienced this MY WHOLE LIFE. Here I am 31 and still have to watch what I say to whom because it could hurt that reputation of my father and the work he’s done. (Did I mention were from the south, super small church so NO he don’t get money for it okay! He has a “real job, as my sister called it back in the day) being in that situation you also see those same people who cal your house at 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning for your dad to come to the hospital or to do a funeral, take them to the doctor, WHATEVER it maybe they need at that time, turn around and TALK SHIT about your dad! So I’ve literally had to bite my tongue my entire life over this BS, and to be honest the older I get the harder it is for me to do that! So here we are, I’m laying it out lol not only have they done this to your dad but also to your family and yourself! “Turn the other cheek, be the bigger person, extend the olive branch...” How many times are you expected to do that, when most of them have proven time and time again their not worth a second of your time! Much less forgiveness, but high-fiving them in the face with a chair seems very appealing, Cussing them out and telling them how you really think and feel about their “Christian” attitude or actions, Would be amazing to do!!! But guess who that would fall back on.... you guessed it The preacher, even though they were wrong and told lies, gossiped you name it. Nope they are the victim! NO PEOPLE YOU ARE NOT, in fact you are the problem! Now I’ve got that off my chest for the moment, this brings me to my open mindedness and self belief views. I do not see things as black/white, there are TONS of grey areas in my world, like how could you not question things.... I do all the time. Am I the only one? Anyone else relate to any of this or thinking damn this sounds like a freaking reality show.... well please reach out and stay tuned because I promise there’s WAY more to come in the future!!!

#funny #truth #small rant #southernstyle #preachers kid #autism

[forgottenghosty]

I Was Attacked By A Customer In Walmart Today.

So why you ask?

I went to look at clothing with my mom due to the tax free weekend going on. I’d been avoiding even going to a Walmart for months due to being triggered when I went in them for the longest time ( I would have anxiety and panic attacks).

So I gave in to go cause Target didn’t have anything.

I always love to look at the men’s shirts and such cause I love graphic tees. I got Marvel ones in the past and such. I also wanted to see if they had a pair of Jack Skellington PJ Pants that I got years back but Baxter had ripped them. Long shot in the dark, but worth a try.

Well I get to the men’s and notice two young guys acting oddly. I try to shake it off as I walk past to look at the tees. Only got odder that they were staring at me and looking around as if watching out for people watching.

Biggest thing though, one of them had their pants unzipped and un buttoned in the aisle as if they were trying the pants on right there. He looks at me as I past and I him and I’m thinking that’s not cool. He should be using a changing room.

So I walk on to find the pjs bottoms and see an employee and tell her that a pair of guys are acting odd over a couple of aisles and what I saw and that I don’t know what they are doing.

She thanked me and went to look and talk to another employee. I myself still haven’t found the pjs bottoms in the men’s and make an oval back and run into the guys again, and now they are wearing whole different pants that look too new, aka creased as if just bought and not dirty. They keep pulling up these nice pants as if they don’t fit.

I’m like okay that is very weird. As I go back towards where I saw the employee to keep looking for the pj bottoms I run into her talking with another employee and they’re talking about calling the cops. You’re taught not to confront but call help as an employee of Walmart, I remember that when I worked at one shortly.

They see me and ask me about it again and I tell the story again and then add about the pant change and oddity. They head that way and I point out where they had been exactly seeing they moved on. I pointed it out, told them what I saw and such. Like when the one guy tried pants on in the aisle the jeans had been lane across the aisle hangers and such.

So she begins to lead and talk to me to find help when we unknowingly pass the aisle with the guys. We cringe and try to keep going but I don’t know how, but this lad comes charging from the aisle and points at me angrily saying, “what are you accusing my son of!” I’m shocked and confused, but it clicks she must have either heard, saw, or was told by the boys cause we never confronted the woman.

I go into panic mood, and I look to the employee and she at me, so my brain screams start playing dumb cause this lady looks like she’s ready to punch you. I go, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She just thrashes at me verbally attacking me saying, “you know! Say it!” The very nice employee is trying to defuse the situation by asking her what is wrong and how she could help.

Angry lady just snaps at her, “this isn’t about you, this is about her.” And keeps going at me, saying I’m accusing her son and I got to fess up. I keep saying I don’t know what she means and speaking in a calm low voice.

She then starts saying, “yes you do! You’ve been circling around!” I honestly say, “I was looking for pj bottoms.” She then struck back, “Why you even in the men’s? You don’t look like a man, are you?!” I’m a young woman and I just got so offended and said very calmly, “I like to wear things from here. I enjoy wearing Marvel and Nightmare Before Christmas. I have the right to wear what I want.”

She just more upset cause now there are more employees watching and the woman helping me goes over to talk to them. Angry lady sees this and starts raising her voice, “see that! You’re causing a scene!”

Not once have I yelled, cursed, or said anything offensive to her and she’s saying I’m causing all this. She then keeps trying to make me confess and own up to accusing her son for something and is cursing at me saying I should mind my own F***ing business.

I’m starting to tear up cause of all this when my mom appears, “what’s going on here?” She said in the kindest soft tone. I turn and see her and break down even more as the angry lady turns on her, “this is none of your business, this is between me and her!” “I’m her mother, what is going on?” “She knows!”

It keeps going like that until my mom says, “my daughter is on the autism spectrum, can you please be calm in telling me what is going on?” This is true, I am, but you’d have a hard time telling. And I’m officially shutting down like I do when emotional attacked.

The lady doesn’t stop, “then you should keep her by you and not have her wandering around!” And so on. She was basically making me sound like I’m unable to think and should be treated like an animal on a leash. I was so offended but I was bawling too much to say anything.

Finally she seemed to back away and mom rushed me out of there. We ran into the employees, told them what just happened and that I used to work at a Walmart and was only trying to help. They were very kind and thanked me for trying to help. After, mom just dashed us out the door, me sobbing like crazy and chocking as he forgot anything about trying to shop.

As we left, we agreed after I calmed, that it was very damning the way she acted that she had to be guilty of something. You assume someone things your kids are up to something you don’t start accusing and pointing fingers. Especially if no one has said anything to you. It just screams guilty when you attack without anything being said.

So after being shook so bad, we went else where to get stuff.

Still shaky and it took hours to stop crying totally, but I think I’ll be alright. I’ve learned it’s not safe to try and be a good helper cause of crazy people like that. I only wanted to be of help. Started as pointing out a guy was changing pants in an aisle to almost getting physically attacked.

I’m seriously the kindest person I can be. I care about others before me more often then healthy and I treat others as I wish to be treated. I don’t lie, steal, or cheat people. If anything I hold doors open for as many people as I see coming out or in, even if I’m trying to get in or out of the building. I give money I find to the cashier and tell them someone dropped it. I try not to judge and be supportive. If I even accidentally offend or hurt someone I apologize and even end up crying cause I feel bad.

So you can see how this was alarming and very frightening for me.

#personal #people are so crazy #scary situation

[ecotone99]

(SF) The Natural Born

“Are you sure,doctor?”

“Yes… your son has ADHD,”

A woman sat in a white room with her son sitting beside her and the doctor in front of her behind his desk, telling her what can be done to help her son's disability.

“Doctor, is there any alternative to the medication? I just don’t think we can afford it,” the mother said in her worried voice, which was becoming her normal voice.

“There are different methods of treating ADHD like physical activities, I’ll have Regina at the front desk print out a list of methods,” the doctor said sympathetically.

“Thank you, doctor” the mother stood up, grabbed her son’s hand and walked out of the office.

Calvin was an eight year old boy who was going into the third grade. He used to love school, but after kindergarten, people found out he had autism and was a natural born. The kids who remained his friends were told by their parents not to be around Calvin. Soon, Calvin was alone.

Calvin climbed into his mother’s old car, that’s practically falling apart. It wasn’t actually his mothers, it was his grandfathers, his mother had to sell her car to be able to get groceries.

Calvin had pale skin, like his skin had never been introduced to sunlight before. He was skinny, boney, he almost seemed malnourished. He was very tall for his age, taller than everyone else in his grade. His mother looked very similar to him, pale, skinny, tall, she had lines on her face and a few grey hairs which is shocking for her age.

They got home, Calvin and his mother lived with his grandfather in his house that was older than Calvin himself. The house was small and seemed to lack furniture, it was clean but old stains made it look in a permanent state of filth which prevented Calvin’s mother from ever wanting guests.

Calvin’s grandpa was watching the news. “Today, a law was passed in 37 states that allows parents to sterilize their children when they reach sexual maturity in order to prevent teen pregnancies,” said the news anchor in her loud, yet calm voice.

“Christ, I remember when having a child was one of the most important moments in anyone’s life, watching your child being born, being the first to hold them, now these test tube babies want to prevent everyone from having their own children,” said Calvin’s grandpa is his raspy voice.

“It’s still their own child if it’s a synthetic child dad,” Calvin’s mother replied.

“Nah, it can’t be the same, a test tube can’t replace the feeling of seeing yer baby being born, ya can’t have the same connection with something from a test tube,” Calvin’s grandpa was flustered, he usually got this way when talking about this topic. “There’s no way I’d be this close with ya if ya were a test tube baby, sweetheart,” he said as he grabbed Calvin’s mother’s hand.

Calvin’s mom said nothing, she only looked off into nothingness, as if she could see beyond the walls. She left her father's hand behind as she went into the cabinets to get Calvin some food.

Calvin’s mother was interrupted by a knock at the front door. Calvin’s mother stopped what she was doing and walked toward the door. The knock was persistent and loud, it scared Calvin. Calvin’s mother looked through the peephole of the door, her eyes widened in shock, she almost seemed fearful. “Who is it, sweetheart,” Calvin’s grandpa asked, concerned from his chair.

“Calvin, go to your room,” Calvin’s mother ordered her son in a shaky voice. Calvin looked at her blankly. “Now, Calvin.”

Calvin complied and went through the hallway and into his room. One wouldn’t imagine Calvin’s room to be that of a child’s at first glance. His room was empty except for a small bed and a desk that had a few drawings on it, all of them left unfinished. Calvin could hear the front door being open and someone stepping inside and he could hear the discussion starting through the thin walls.

“Jacob?” Calvin heard his mom ask in a shaky voice as if she were about to cry.

“Hi, Emily,” Calvin heard a deep voice that he didn’t recognize say in response.

“You… You are not welcome here!” Calvin heard his grandpa shout. He had never heard his grandpa shout before.

“Dad, please go to your room. I can handle this on my own,” Calvin’s mother told his grandpa. Calvin could hear his grandpa rise from his chair, muttering profanity under his breath. Instead of following his daughter’s command, he instead went to Calvin’s room. He entered to find him sitting at his desk, looking down on his half finished art.

“How ya doing, son?” Calvin’s grandpa asked with genuine concern. Calvin just shrugged his shoulders, not looking away from his desk.

“Who is that man?” Calvin asked in a whisper so quiet, most would think it was the wind. But not his grandpa, most would describe him as the best damn listener they’ve had the pleasure of talking to, and he was quite proud of that.

“That man is Jacob, he’s yer father, son.” Calvin’s mind raced, hopping from one thought to the next, never stopping for even half a second. His face didn’t show this though, it rarely showed emotion at all. Calvin didn’t like his face and how emotionless it was, just another part of him to be made fun of.

“I thought he died when I was in ma’s belly.” Calvin responded, somehow even quieter. Yet his grandpa listened still.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, both me and yer ma. We didn’t want to lie to ya, it was just easier that way.” He sighed loudly as he sat down onto Calvin’s bed. “He was a lyin’ coward who abandoned ya and yer ma. Left ya guys with nothing to turn to but me and this damn shack.”

Calvin’s thoughts kept going and going and going, with no sign of stopping. He felt angry, sad, confused, hurt, all at the same time, and yet his face still remained without expression. Why did he leave? Why did they lie? His grandpa had tried to explain, but Calvin was even more confused. Why is he back?

The volume of Calvin’s parents talking in the living room increased ever so slightly. Calvin tried to listen, but he wasn’t as good as his grandpa. Their volume kept increasing.

“Things seem to be heatin’ up out there… maybe I ought-” He was interrupted by the sudden explosion of yelling coming from the living room. Calvin jumped, his eyes widened. Calvin’s grandpa shot up, an angry scowl on his face. He stormed swiftly to the door, Calvin had never seen him move so fast. He swung the door open, and looked back at Calvin, a concerned look replaced his exasperated expression. His eyes met Calvin’s, the first time he had ever since he was born.

“Ya stay here, ya hear me?” Calvin said nothing, just looked back at his drawings. Calvin’s grandpa closed the door behind him. Calvin could hear his grandpa’s voice join the screaming competition.

“Who the hell do ya think yer talking to like that, ya prick!” Calvin’s grandpa’s voice easily overpowered Calvin’s parents, he could hear the yelling so easily, as if he were in the same room.

“Dad! I told you to stay out of this!”

“I ain’t gonna sit back there and let this test tube baby speak to ya like that!”

“Look, I am just trying to help, I know you guys need it!” It was the first time Calvin really focused on his father’s voice. It was unlike any voice he had heard before. It was deep, aggressive, commanding. The way he spoke, it seemed like he demanded attention, and he definitely had Calvin’s.

“You know it wasn’t hard to find you guys, I might’ve asked five people at most!” Calvin got up from his desk, abandoning his drawings for another time. He walked in front of his door, staring at the white paint peeling off of it. “I just asked if they knew any people with a natural born son, and they all made the same face!”

“Yeah and what face was that?” Calvin’s mother sounded as if she were on the verge of tears.

“Their smile disappears, pity fills their eyes. They tell me the same sob story I bet you told them.”

“Who exactly did ya ask, huh?”

“Dad, stop!”

“A gas station clerk, a cashier at a McDonalds. They told me how you begged for a job, how you had to quit your old one because they didn’t offer maternity leave anymore. How your boy is troubled!”

“No! You do not get to talk about him like that, I’m the one who raised him!”

“Raised him? In this shithole? No! He deserves better!”

“You don’t think I know that? He is so special, so talented, his drawings are so amazing and he doesn’t even know it!”

“I’ve turned my life around, I’m not the same man from all those years ago. I can get him out of here, both of you out of here, just say yes, please!”

“Just more lies! Don’t believe him sweetheart, don’t!”

“Why did you come back Jacob, why are you doing this to us?” Calvin’s mother could no longer hold back her tears.

“I had to make things right, I know what I did was wrong, but I wasn’t ready, I needed to get my life straight.” Calvin noticed his father’s voice begin to fault, he wasn’t used to yelling this much.

“What about her, huh? You think she had her life straight? She did, but ya popped into her life and destroyed everything!” Calvin’s mother just continued to cry.

“Look I’m sorry, I was barely out of my parents' place, I was scared!”

“You don’t think I was too?”

“Well I’m here now! I can help now, just please let me.”

“We don’t need yer help-”

“Like hell you don’t old man!”

“Don’t you dare talk to my dad like that!”

“Look, you can’t keep living like this!”

“Calvin is more than I will ever need!”

“That is such bullshit and you know it!” Calvin could hear disgust in his father’s voice. “That boy has taken everything from you!”

“Fuck you!” It was the first time Calvin had ever heard his mother curse.

“You could’ve been so much more, built an actual career, that’s what you were actually doing! Then this kid came, don’t blame me for leaving, blame yourself for keeping him!”

“Shut yer mouth, of course she kept him, she’s no murderer!”

“Yeah, old man? She was definitely considering it. What? You didn’t tell him about our talks about the abortion?”

“What’s he talking about, sweetheart?” Calvin’s mother stayed quiet, apart from some sniffling.

“Yeah we had it all planned out didn’t we? Neither of us wanted that shit on us so we were just gonna get rid of him, would’ve made both our lives so much easier.” It became quiet. Calvin could hear his own heartbeat.

“Tell me it’s not true, sweetheart.”

“I love my boy, more than anything in this world.” Her voice was shaky, yet clear.

“Keep telling yourself that. You resent that kid, he destroyed you.” Calvin understood.

“I love my boy!” The screaming match resumed.

Calvin opened the door, none of them noticed over the yelling. Calvin’s mind was clear as he entered his grandpa’s room across the hall. He turned the light on and looked around, the arguing continued right outside. Calvin looked under the bed and found what he was searching for. He picked it up and went back to his room.

He sat at his desk, staring at his art, still unfinished. He remembered what his mom had said, “He’s so talented,” a tear rolled down his face, “I love my boy,” he smiled to himself.

The yelling was quickly stopped by a sharp, loud bang that came and went in an instant. The room was quiet, more quiet than it has ever been, or ever will be.

submitted by /u/DrWho619 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2RSO6sX

#Blogger #Story

[alt-ctrl-delete-f1]

*~*~OBLIGATORY TRIGGER WARNING~*~*

Listen, things are about to get messy so strap in. I’m going to cuss, I’m going to talk about frustrating, horrible, terrible, sad sad sad things. (Tags below) If you are struggling or feeling particularly fragile right now, please don’t read on, if you can’t. But this is true. And I’m writing it for two purposes:

1.    I need to. The story I’m about to tell is 100% true. And it 100% happened in MY life. This is cathartic for me because I’m at a point where if I don’t get it all out, I might actually explode in a glittery display of thoughts, feelings and fragments of sanity.

2.    If one single person reads this and realizes the permanence of choices, my work here is done. So I’m talking to you. The you who is nearly “there.” The you who is so exhausted and weary and tired and ready to just be done. The you who is desperately searching for one damn thing to hang on to. You may find it here.

As always, if you want to reach out, please message me privately. Please ask questions. Please comment, if you feel moved to do so.

And if you read no further, please know this: you are loved, you are worthy, you are special, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are amazing. I want you here. I want you to be your best you.

Ok, now seriously, I’m about to start.

Last chance.

[Soundtrack:]

Creep by Radiohead

Key lyric: “I wish I was special… but I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here…”

Pieces by Sum 41

Key lyric: “This place is so empty; my thoughts are so tempting I don’t know how it got so bad…”

Sail by Awolnation

Key lyric: “Maybe I should cry for help, maybe I should kill myself, I blame it on my ADD, baby…”

Believe in Dreams by Flyleaf

Key lyric: “We laugh about the past, but secretly wish we could go back and save the child…”

Unsteady by X Ambassadors

Key Lyric: “If you love me, don’t let go…”

Prologue:

Unlucky

________________________________________________________

On Friday, April 13, 2018 at 1735, my twenty-year-old brother sent three text messages within the span of one minute. All three messages read, “I love you.”

One was to his girlfriend. She was sleeping (read: not actually sleeping) with a guy who was not my brother. She never responded.

One was to his estranged father. He, as usual, couldn’t be bothered. He never responded.

One was to our mother. She had just been released from the hospital in Toledo and was driving Lyft in the area in an effort to recoup lost wages from her hospital stay. She could not view her messages for nearly an hour. At approximately 1820, she responded and said “I love you too. Are you ok?”

My brother never responded.

He took out his composition notebook. The notebook where he’d listed appointments with his probation officer, things to do, errands to run. The same notebook where he’d written notes to himself asking,

“Why do you push everyone away? You have no family left, no friends left. You are a failure.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Why can’t you just stop it already?”

He scribbled a heartfelt note to his girlfriend and a single, half-hearted sentence to a broader audience and left the notebook open on the dresser then searched his messy one bedroom apartment and found his yellow karate belt.

He set his phone on one of the shelves in his closet and climbed up on the next one. He wrapped the belt around a hook that was about seven feet high and by 1800, his heart stopped beating forever.

Forever.

In the days and weeks that followed his suicide, myself, my sister and my mother would learn many things. Some things we can’t get out of our heads. And others, we can’t seem to place. As though our collective brains are protecting us from a heartfelt acknowledgement of this ugly truth.

Personally, I learned that on average, it takes roughly 3-6 minutes to die by hanging. And that when a six-foot-two-inch man-child hangs himself against a wall in his closet, it looks like he’s hiding from his girlfriend to jump out and scare her. The dim morning light casts just enough shadow that you can’t see that his feet are actually six inches off the ground.

Did you know that for me, knowing that there was a shelf less than six inches from his right foot only solidifies to me that he was 100% comfortable in his decision to die – and thatfact makes me feel all the feels and absolutely numb at the same time?

Or that going through your dead brothers Facebook messages and seeing how many people he tried to contact, with absolutely no success was physically painful? And knowing that he didn’t reach out to you fills you with the most dreadful sense of relief ever – EVER– felt? Because you know that you were busy teaching your two-year-old to sing the ABC’s and your phone was off so you could focus on your toddler and that not having a missed message from your suicidal brother actually makes it easier, in a way?

And that you can hate yourself for feeling any kind of relief in this situation ever?

There was something inside of my brother that was broken.

He was born with a congenital heart defect – a truly broken heart. By the age of four, he’d had more open heart surgeries than he’d had birthdays. He was on the ventilator on and off for pretty much the first two years of his life (read: oxygen deprivation).

When he was three, my mother and my brother’s father had another baby boy. He was born prematurely and survived for 99 days, never leaving the hospital. This effected Caleb deeply. Deeply. To me, it was two-fold. Caleb operated on a different plane than other people. He truly feltthe loss of Baby Cole. This is interesting because he was so young. Then there was the life that followed. You know, the one that is on the right-hand side of the chart you make when you see a therapist and map out your life.

The “After.”

“After” the event that rocked everything we knew. When Caleb’s dad left and mom became addicted and suicidal. When I started cutting myself and my sister retreated into a fantasy world and our house was decrepit and CPS got called. When everybody’s grades dropped and mom didn’t get out of bed and the curtains never got opened because sunlight physically hurt my mom.

By the age of five, Caleb was committed to the pediatric psychiatric ward for the first time. I didn’t even know they admitted children that young.

The first time he tried to commit suicide, he wrapped his belt around his neck and pulled until he blacked out. The only reason he lived past that moment is when he blacked out, his hand relaxed and he couldn’t put tension on the belt anymore.

By age 10, he was in a pretty serious car accident and suffered frontal lobe damage, effecting his impulse control and mood control.

He spent countless time in live-in facilities for youth, psych wards, JDC, cop cars, grown-up jail, hospitals, psychologist offices, psychiatrist offices, youth pastor offices, senior pastor offices. He was in early intervention, had an individual education plan. He was on and off meds including Abilify (an a-typical antipsychotic, and actually he had some of the most success with it), seizure meds, antidepressants, mood stabilizers. Some worked, some didn’t. Sometimes they didn’t work because he didn’t take them and sometimes they didn’t work because they weren’t right.

There were diagnoses of ADD, ADHD, Mood Disorder (NOS). The list went on and on.

In his early teens, he was tentatively diagnosed with Asperger’s, effectively the last of many that never quite fit. It still wasn’t a perfect answer, as he didn’t even truly fit the mold for that, but the treatments that worked for him fell in line with similar treatments for people on the spectrum.

He attended high school at the Center for Autism and Dyslexia, a year round school owned and operated by an amazing woman who seriously spent her life understanding the mind of the Autistic/Asperger’s/Dyslexic child – and formed education plans the help them succeed. Indeed, that school was a light in a dark time for my brother. He’d just come from public school where he was nearly expelled. What for, you ask. Not necessarily for being unruly. But my brother was a protector at heart. So if he or someone he loved was being bullied, he charged like an angry bull seeing red. He graduated, likely by the skin of his teeth.

But these are just his stats.

They don’t tell you truly who he was. They don’t tell you about how Caleb flew into rages. How, seven years my junior, he beat me to the floor with a vacuum cleaner cord once because mom wasn’t home and we didn’t have a lot of food and one box of Kraft Macaroni and cheese doesn’t adequately feed three growing kids and he was hungry. Or how he used to crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night because he felt bugs on him all the time and it scared him.

They don’t tell you about how once we woke up and found him in his bed covered in what looked like a really unhealthy amount of poop but upon further investigation turned out to really be Swiss cake rolls. How he made us laugh with ridiculous jokes. These stats don’t tell you how he fought his nature in the most heroic way I’ve ever seen, trying to seek and maintain a relationship with Christ. They don’t tell you about how he asked Jesus into his heart, or how two weeks later he walked into the living room and told my mom he didn’t know if he believed in God because he prayed every night for God to make him stop being such a disappointment and every day, he disappointed everyone all over again.

Caleb’s finger nails looked like he’d taken them to eighty grit sandpaper. He was particular about clothes because finding something that didn’t make his skin crawl was a challenge. He was a cat person. He loved real-cam anything and to hunt and fish and shoot. He once made a toy pistol out of PVC pipe and before he would even hold it by the “handle,” he made me buy the brightest neon orange spray paint, so nobody would think he had a real gun.He didn’t want to scare anyone.

He wanted to be a special education teacher, because for all his faults, he felt deeplyfor people. He would sob upon seeing a homeless person. He once stopped - without a coat - in a frigid Ohio snow storm to help two women with a flat tire. He saved countless animals. He built incredible things with Legos.

He was impulsive and loud and incredible and hilarious and sometimes, he was even mean. He was a God damn hurricane, complete with flying furniture, flooding tears and an aftermath that rivaled Noah’s rainbow.

And you know what? I would rather have him running up my cable bill, buying porn and stealing my change to buy me a damn gift than be left with pictures of a bare bulb in a closet and memories that will neverbe enough.

Because for all the things that I saw in him, Caleb, well, didn’t.

He wasn’t good enough.

Not good enough for his father to stay, for his girlfriend to love, for our brother to live, for his brain to work right. He wasn’t good enough for his youth pastor to help or for therapy or meds or jail to work. He didn’t just slip through the cracks, he was sometimes shoved into them by the very people who now stand at a pulpit or podium and tell people to bring their troubles to them.

And frankly, I don’t know that Caleb could ever feel our love. And because of that, you couldn’t experience Caleb (because he truly was an experience) and think that his behavior ever indicated how he actually felt about you. He treated his family like crap sometimes and he treated his enemies with respect and showed them love. But can you imagine what it’s like to not truly understand love? He was – for lack of a more appropriate term – frustrated, his entire twenty years.

And he was pissed off. And scared. And tired.

And on April 13th, my brother left this world the same way he entered it – heartbroken.

_______________________________________________________

If I could ask a favor: just take a second and say my brother’s name out loud. His name is Caleb. Please whisper it, yell it, say it in pig-latin. I don’t care. Just for a second, remember him for me.

Now do the same for yourself. That is your name. It is a single word that ineffectively, yet poignantly sums up your life experiences and who you are. Someone may have your name, but nobody has your life. Comment your name, and I’ll say it too. Nobody should be forgotten, dead or alive.

This is the part where I would tell you that if you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts and tendencies, please contact the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 and also link you to their website, and tell you that you can also text them at 741741if that’s your preferred method of communication. And obviously, I just did all that.

But I’ll also tell you this, I get it. Talking to a stranger is comforting to some and seems like an easy pass-off for others. On the one hand, knowing a stranger will never see your face and that you can spill your deep, dark secrets and obtain some semblance of unity with them can be comforting. Personally, it makes me mad because I don’t want to talk to a stranger. I want to talk to someone who knows me. But everybody has a preference.

But you can message me, and I WILL message you back. I know I’m not much different than someone on the end of the phone, except maybe far less qualified, but maybe we won’t be strangers when it’s all said and done.

I, however, am in no way a mental health professional. Talking helps, but there is also a time when you have to seek professional help. The links above take you to the direct websites where you can seek out help and resources in your area.

Tune in soon for Chapter 1, if you’re so inclined.

#suicide #depression #adhd #brother #grief #heartbreak

[lauraramargosian]

Perez Hilton and Demi Lovato drama heats up! Why he doesn’t deserve the drama!

Perez Hilton and Demi Lovato party is over, true colors are shining!

Last night Perez Hilton got smothered with hate on Twitter to the point that a quite offensive hashtag started to trend (#PerezHIltonIsOverParty ) and it’s all due to bullying. And while you may think “he deserves it,” let me tell you why he doesn’t deserve it and why it peeved me. First, this bullying is coming from Demi Lovato who runs her own campaign meant to help people with mental illness battles, she also preaches about being a supportive woman who wants to help those who are bullied due to the fact that she was also bullied in high school.

You would think that bullying anyone from that point on would come to an end, no? I mean, Demi Lovato was bullied in high school, battled weight issues and mental health issues. Common sense would assume that any kind of bullying from her end would not exist because that’s what a good person does to make the world a better place.

(During my time in high school I was bullied for being a ‘tomboy,’ and I always told myself “I will never bully someone because it didn’t feel good when I wanted to end my life based off other students opinions of me).

Many others can make the choice to grow from their past and do something positive with the trauma. but those who hold on tend to hurt themseleves and become a negative influence on the people in their life. Honestly, bringing them down as well. Here is what is wrong with the picture (in my mind, disagree with me if you want, idc).

Perez attended her performance because he doesn’t mind Demi and he got the tickets for free (why not go), in fact he even stated in his own comments that he likes both Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato (even though she hates him). Hating is not mature, not in my eyes, if someone has tried to make peace with you the mature and right thing to do is make peace. It’s always better to end any RELATIONSHIP or FRIENDSHIP with the same respect you started to begin with, even if you don’t want to be friends in real life.

Demi tweeted out to her millions of followers the following tweet.

“The other night I got to sing SNS directly to one of USA’s most notorious bullies. It felt so fucking great. That’s what the song is all about!!! Sorry not sorry that you were in the audience watching me kill it.

” And continued in a second tweet “And btw – he’s remaining nameless because he doesn’t deserve the relevance that he doesn’t have anymore”

You do not tweet to your young fans who are still in school how it feels to “figuratively,” spit in someone’s face just because you didn’t like the way he runs his Twitter account. Demi gloated and attempted to take a strike at Perez, the good news is, it didn’t phase him.

This all started in July 2016 when Perez innocently liked a tweet on Mariah Carey’s Twitter account. And Demi Lovato got super upset.

Sensitive much?

Perez (likes EVERYONES tweets, even the ones who throw jabs at him) Why should he change the way he uses Twitter just to make her or anyone happy for that matter? He shouldn’t because this is his profile, his personality and his niche. And let’s not pretend that NEGATIVE ATTENTION and POSITIVE ATTENTION are almost of equal value when it comes to the entertainment industry.

Here’s my next issue with this tweet of Demi’s, she’s bullying. Just because she says “nameless,” that’s just as descriptive as saying “hey remember the kid that sat in the back of the class with the big glasses and ugly hair?” It’s quite obvious she knew what she was doing and attempted to start a feud for no reason, or wait, maybe it’s because Perez Hilton is relevant and does have value in the entertainment industry and she wanted some more feedback about her performance in Las Vegas since there weren’t that many stories on it.

This whole thing she’s trying to achieve is meaningless and it’s honestly making him look better, Perez and I have completely different niche’s but I will not ignore bullying. This is positive celebrity gossip and it’s time to address those “celebrities,” who think they own it and can bully just because they have “fans,” or are “power hungry.” Those “celebrities,” who are willing to attack and allow their fans to do the dirty work for them in order to keep their stage name in the entertainment industry safe.

She’s using ya’ll to spread hate and that pisses me off, I even had one girl come at me and call me ugly, lol. My response was “thank you, you’re a sweetheart (kisses).” Do you see where she is being passive aggressive and allowing the bullying to be done by her fans on her behalf? But wait, that’s not the whole truth, there are some of Demi Lovato’s fans that have taken it upon themselves to actually APOLOGIZE for the behavior that she has been showing on Twitterverse because she is acting insanely passive aggressive.

What is being passive aggressive?

“’Passive-aggressive” is a term that’s often used to describe someone who retaliates in a subtle way rather than speaking their mind. But this term was also once used to describe a personality disorder.”

I feel as though in this case it shouts “I need more attention, Perez can give that to me.” Basically, he is relevant, still, isn’t he? Don’t get mad if the shoe fits.

There is nothing wrong with the way Perez Hilton does his work. TMZ, HollywoodLife and even MTV (the ones who sign their own artists) slam their talent all the time, all day, everyday. Perez Hilton doesn’t just pick celebrities from hate, he works like every other outlet and he is honest and he’s not afraid to talk about what he likes and what he doesn’t like, that’s the beauty of our first amendment (Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances), in case you forgot. Perez is not biased, he has written about every celebrity good and bad. He doesn’t just target your one “celebrity,” and he only talks about the things that are tipped off to him or that he feels strongly about for his niche. Whether you agree with that or not doesn’t matter, it truly doesn’t matter because you cannot and will never change it.

At least he isn’t like HollywoodLife pulling clickbait titles and fake “sources,” to talk shit about your favorite talent.

You all want to attack him and call him all these names because he talks about the things going on in celebrities lives? Then you better get started on the MSM, the shootings, the fake news websites all over Facebook, etc. And one more thing, Perez Hilton is one man, he cannot possibly produce 100’s of stories in one day, which means, guess what girls and boys, he’s not the only writer and you can tell when it’s Perez writing because he is sassy and he doesn’t mind showing it.

I respect that in his personality and you should as well. I would rather be friends with someone who can say it like it is, then be a fake bitch and say “heyyyyy girl,” to your face and smack talk you behind your back, he’s just straight up and proud to be himself. Those who want to say he body shamed her and talked about her eating disorder and mental disorders tend to forget that Perez was shamed and jumped at one point for the being himself. So, let’s not pretend he doesn’t know what it feels like to be shit talked and I’m certain many people have tried to “ruin,” him just as Demi Lovato attempted in her “unnamed tweet.”

Lovatos, love your Demi but don’t you dare stoop to that level and do the dirty work for her by attacking someone who has been in entertainment industry for longer than you were born. Or others just because they try to show you the other side of the table. There are always two sides to every pancake.

What Charities has Perez Hilton focused on during his time in the Entertainment world?

Perez Hilton has done so much for it including GLAAD, GLSEN, PETA, Save The Music Foundation, Soles4Souls, St. Francis Food Pantries and Shelters and Straight But Not Narrow. These are all causes that help Animals, At-Risk/Disadvantaged Youths, Children, Civil Rights, Creative Arts, Disaster Relief, Education, Hunger, LGBT Support, Poverty and Refugees. Perez Hilton has Hit The Runway For Autism Speaks with high profile talent including Jeannie Mai (The Real), Aubrey O’Day (Celebrity Big Brother), Shenae Grimes (90210), Kristian Alfonso (Days of Our Lives), Joanna Krupa (Real Housewives of Miami), Kym Whitley (Young & Hungry), model/musician Josh Beech, Ashlan Gorse Costeau, and Antonio Jaramillo (Shades of Blue), David Tupaz Couture, Dalia Macphee, Ron Tomson, Carl Andrada, Erick Bendana, Julie Danforth, Jhiovani Fasons, Usama Ishtay and Sivalia Couture.

Perez Hilton has worked with “Young Friends Benefit,” along side other high-profile artists including Georgina Bloomberg, Katrina Bowden, Kelly Framel, Wes Gordon, Patina Miller, Jackie Miranne, Alicia Quarles, Allie Rizzo and Scott Sartiano, Jessie Schuster, Christian Siriano and Brad Walsh, Jessica Springsteen and Domingo Zapata. This event helped raise essential funds to aid in the ASPCA’s work to protect the lives of vulnerable and victimized animals across the country. And The Young Friends Benefit is a cornerstone of the ASPCA’s fundraising efforts to directly impact the lives of homeless, abused and neglected animals across the country. This highly publicized event attracts more than 500 passionate and upwardly mobile young professionals including philanthropists, industry leaders, newsmakers and animal lovers.

So, maybe next time you try to burn Perez, you should stop and think about the good he also brings into the world because no one damn person in this world is perfect. Not one, not even you or myself. It’s not okay to bully, if you feel he did something wrong then you should stand by the quote “two wrongs don’t make a right.” And all Demi did there was make a wrong to help herself feel better about… well… herself?

She’s done a lot of good for the mental health community, she has done a lot of good during this CAST tour but the “shade,” she through at Perez was absolutely random and uncalled for and that’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to write this story.

You can say I’m whatever you want, I stand by my words and I don’t support bullying. 

End of story. Love you Perez and kinda care about you Demi but you let me down girl, you let me down. 

But you are quite notorious for bullying more than just Perez Hilton. What are you teaching your fans? Check out the video below! What do you guys think about Perez Hilton and Demi Lovato now? Who bullied who? Sound off!

Demi Lovato Attacks Me! Is She A Bully?

The post Perez Hilton and Demi Lovato drama heats up! Why he doesn’t deserve the drama! appeared first on Celebrity News | Positive Celebrity Gossip | Laurara Monique.

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[anautisticdragon-blog]

I Love The McElroy Bros

I'd like to launch off of my last post by talking about men who occupy both ends of the sociopathic spectrum. Those who embrace the virtues of toxic masculinity and all those iconic ideas of maleness, and those who just eschew them in favour of something better, all the while giving absolutely no damns what others think.

This harks back to one of those hallmark periods of my life which serve to remind me of why I'm so jaded today, why I've such a very low opinion of humanity in general (though that's mostly focused at both extraverts and straight men, if I'm honest). It was a time when I was struggling with my autism, due to my identity, trying to figure everything out and looking for support.

I was part of a community called Rock, Paper, Shotgun. It's a British gaming site devoted to video games journalizm (yes, that kind). I didn't know any better than to not be there at the time, I didn't know why I should avoid places like that in favour of more inviting locales like Polygon. It was very much a British boys gaming club, for boys, with very few gurls allowed. I remember how they even had to bring on a handful of women due to rumblings about how the site was a cavalcade of never-ending sausages.

A sausage fest, you might say.

Of course, they didn't do that until much later. And one of the first women they brought on board was incredibly masculine and all about that toxic masculinity anyway, so... Not a great change for them.

I'll stop ragging on them for their maleness and get to the meat of this.

I'm sorry. I'll also stop with the sausage jokes.

As an autistic person who's experienced a hell of a lot of prejudice, I bond easily with creatures that don't share a human appearance, who will often be the target of human hatred, violence, and atrocity. Orcs, gnolls, werewolves, dragons, et cetera. What I find interesting is that amongst my gal pals, this love of 'friendly creatures that toxic males perceive to be monsters' is absurdly common???

My lady friends love talking deathclaws almost as much as I do. They love Beast, of both Grant Morrison's X-Men and the original Disney animated film, they're fond of dragons and they'll note that it's unilaterally always going to be sausage fest of 'heroes' they're being assaulted by. Heroes who're just there for the loot, really, who'd certainly never -- not under any circumstances -- ever investigate to discover a "vile dragon's" supposed guilt.

Or lack thereof.

And whilst that sounds sarcastic, I mean it unironically. How often do heroes actually do detective work to find out if that dragon they slew was actually responsible for the atrocities blamed upon them. Do they have evidence? Or is this just toxic masculinity's Vigilante Justice 101? And that's not everyday vigilanteism, mind you. No, not at all. Even Batman is a detective!

But then, hilariously, Batman doesn't buy into toxic masculinity so much. Anyone who's ever seen the DCAU version of him knows exactly where I'm coming from with this. He can actually be quite sensitive, understanding, and perceptive. Not exactly the hard-nosed, right wing conservative that the right wing proponents of toxic masculinity seem to need him to be, eh?

Anyway, the point is is that as an autistic person I could easily see unfounded prejudices. Against gender, colour, or even fantastic racism in video game settings. It all got under my skin a little since it all normalised prejudices, and as a mentally disabled person who's often shunned for 'behaving differently than the norm,' I'm all too familiar with how much of a living taboo a person can be.

So, at this boy's clubhouse of toxic masculinity known as Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'd ask the simple question, plaintively "Why can't we try just attempting to communicate with them first, just to see if we can find out their side of the story?"

And here I was. The sensitive, mentally disabled gay boy ruining the manly men's toxic little clubhouse with a spash of reason. Unthinkable! I'd ask this every now and then, whenever I saw a game whose focus was purely beautiful, extraverted, sociopathic humans slaying creatures I guess we were supposed to assume were "evil monsters" despite a lack of evidence. I just wanted to try talking, is that so completely wrong of me?

They thought so.

I was harshly mocked for over a year (I'm not kidding) about this, until the joke got old. When it finally did, when my amusement value to them had passed, I was banned. It just sort of came out of the blue. What really stung was that Alec Meer, the self-designed autocrat of RPS who banned me, actually saw fit to make fun of my autism publically.

That post is long gone, sadly. I didn't think to make an archive of it at the time because I was so upset. I couldn't understand why they hated me so much for simply wanting to try communicating. I do now, of course. It's all down to toxic masculinity and I was 'taking the fun of their mindless slaughter away with my pansy, sissy-minded, gay empathy.' Which is why RPS Is still mostly a sausage fest.

It was worse for me, too, as someone with bodily dysmorphia. I've been so scarred by humanity that I've been at odds with my outward human appearance for what feels like decades now. Unless a piece of entertainment manages to connect with me emotionally, I'll only enjoy stuff with non-human characters in it. And if there are humans it'll mostly be cartoons just so it's detached enough from what -- to me -- is the monstrous aesthetic that's hurt me so much over the years. The RPS thing is a minor blip in comparison to most of the things I've endured, but I mention it because of what this is all about.

You see, I'm probably what most people would consider the bad kind of "furry" for this reason. Even though I'm not sure if I identify as furry, as much for their sake as my own. I'm just a guy with bodily dysmorphia who'd rather be a shapeshifting robot. Admittedly one who'd often take on the appearance of a werewolf, but still.

So this year of being made fun of -- and I don't know why I stuck around, really, other than hoping they'd actually see that they were being genuinely horrible people -- cut me a little. I became a running joke, a meme. The autistic guy that everyone laughs at for being... hm, how would they always put it? Wrong-faced? Yes. Absolutely lovely turn of phrase to use on someone who's also physically disfigured.

Yeah, my life has sucked. Sorry. I'm a bit of a quasimodo, it's why I don't really go outdoors.

All this because I wanted to communicate. I saw prejudice, I couldn't not. I realised it, I called it, and I questioned it. I asked whether the game might be more fun if we could talk instead.

Apparently most people just want to run around gutting things. It explains the popularity of Fallout 4 over Fallout New Vegas to some crowds, I suppose. One game is one where you can talk yourself out of damn nearly every situation without any violent confrontations, and the other being one where you're given one shopping list of targets to murder after another. Those who've played both will know which is which. Or even those who've played one of them.

I'm just a talker. I'm the kind of person who realises that if we ever met aliens, we wouldn't want to send the extraverted sociopaths who'd try to manipulate them by shaking their hands and putting their backs without realising that they don't have hands to shake, or backs to pat. That this effort might even be seen as hugely offensive.I've always found that when it comes to extraverts -- especially those who're weighed own by toxic masculinity -- their strong suit isn't ever really introspection, is it?

So, the McElroys, then.

I think most people might think that the reason I'm saying this is because of their stance on furries. Oh, sure, that's a part of it. Perhaps it's due to their view that being inclusive and permissive is better (and funnier, due to those who it offends)? And that's part of it, too. Once again, though, it's not why I was inspired to write this thing up.

I listen to The Adventure Zone.

Justin tried talking to the giant crystalline creature. It might've been a joke, but he tried.

More impressively, and the part that really hit home with me, Travis wanted to try talking with the voidfish. Travis has always struck me as a giant baby who'd rather talk, given the opportunity. It's funny that he's playing some kind of beefcake warrior (perhaps somewhat ironically) in The Adventure Zone because of how feminine and sensitive he is. Which I very, very much support. Oh how much I do.

He wanted to try talking with the voidfish. He was excited by the prospect of talking with such an inhuman entity and I'm actually trying not to cry, now. I don't know why this is all making me so emotional but god damn it Travis...

And then Griffin, god fucking damn it, had to actually go and include the rest of it. I actually had to mute while I was listening to this with my partner because I started crying, I'm a huge baby. I know it was as much for the humour as anything, but it still really got to me. The hand on the glass, the jamming session that followed, it was all really powerful stuff for me.

And you know roughly where I am in listening to The Adventure Zone right now, eh?

I need to stop crying.

Anyway... I've always been ousted and shunned because of my disability. Mental disability is a weird thing. It's an invisible prejudice, in a way. I should be in a position where I'm privileged, probably. Except due to how I behave, how I talk, how I hold myself, my body language, and everything else? I'm shunned, I'm often ostracised. People find me strange and undesirable. I'm a living taboo.

I think a lot of very autistic people feel this way. As I said, due to this along with my physical disfigurement? It's why I haven't left my house in decades. The biggest event in my life has been trying to get my partner a fiance visa lately so that we can be together in the UK, we spent five months together and those were the most amazing I'd experienced.

The only memories I have that can match those are the times I've enjoyed spending with dogs. Dogs are a bit too physical for me a lot of the time, their games and ways are very overloading, but I still love them and I enjoy being around them.

I don't know where this is going any more.

Anyway, Travis? Love ya, man. You too, Justin. And Griffin. Even you, Clint. Sorry. That's probably weird.

The thing is? I'm just that sensitive to prejudice. So even obvious fantasy prejudice gets to me and gets me down, I can easily see when it's just a stand-in for the real thing in a fantasy world, it's there to normalise prejudices and give people with a prejudicial mindset a very safe, happy place to be where they can be bile-filled sacks of sheer hatred and never, ever be challenged.

That's what RPS wanted, until I ruined their little boy's clubhouse. With my undesirable empathy. What a shitbag I am. A waster, an intolerable douchefuck of a loser who wants to talk to non-human fantasy creatures. Who wants to do that when we could jam our phalluses in them and make them dead with our magnificent maleness?

It was just... It was so cathartic that Travis unironically wanted to try and communicate with the voidfish. That and the wonderful way they handled Klarg the bugbear, their 'hugbear.'

I just love you guys. It felt oddly vindicating that a group so popular doesn't go for the whole toxic masculinity thing. It's nice.

Thank you.

I'm a neurotic fucker and most of my memories are of hurt, betrayal, pain, and suffering. It's sucked. Like I said, being mentally disabled is one of the worst things you can be because no one seems to recognise the prejudice you have to endure. And I've had to endure some fairly terrible shit. To the point where it's genuinely, desperately difficult to have any faith in humanity in general. I'm not a misanthrope, as I'd never want to see my worst enemy suffer. I'm just...

I'm tired of our species' crap. Frankly. We always think we're so great but we should be judged on how we treat those who aren't like us. Which is probably why we haven't been visited by more advanced life, eh? Anyway, I won't get maudlin on you, the melon collies can back right up a bit...

Thing is? You guys managed to touch me with your shenanigans. So I really do mean it when I say thank you. Sometimes, people like you are a bit of a beacon of light in what, for me, is a very dark, hopeless world.

Now if I could just stop bloody crying.

Why am I like this on Tumblr?

Regardless, thank you.

#the mcelroy brothers #the mcelroys #thezonecast #the adventure zone

[deliciouskeeks-blog]

The First Infraction

***This is really long, but if you like relationship drama.

I’m not a big fan of posting personal things on social media, but I needed an outlet this time around. I’ve been with this guy for the last 4 months, and we finally had our first fight. You know that feeling, when everything is going too fucking well, and you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop? And if it doesn’t, then you’re sitting there, waiting to throw your own shoe at whatever fucker is waiting to fuck up what’s been going good for you.

The last 4 months has been exactly that for me. My guy is a sweetheart. He does all the right shit, says all the right shit, and snuggles just fucking right, man. I’m not about to lay out everything he does because it would make this post more essay worthy than it already is, but the point is, he’s just fuckin’ right for me.

We see each other once a week because our schedules are hectic. But we spend all of Sunday together doing whatever the fuck, he sleeps over, and goes to work from my house every Monday AM. This has been our routine for the last 2 months.

Maybe about 2 moths ago, he told me that a girl he’s known for a while now said she wanted to have a threesome with us. He knows who I am, and he didn’t say it with the intent of trying to make it happen – and when I asked him what he’d told her in response to that shining jewel, he said he’d told her, “Hold your breath. You might actually die before she kills you.” Which is just about right where I’m at. I don’t share; if you’re with me, you’re MINE. I’m not overly, publicly possessive, and I’m certainly not about to go around curving bitches for you. That’s your job, and if you can’t do that or choose not to, then you know exactly where the door is. I’ll be alone for my whole fucking life before I play second fiddle to anyone.

Side note: My guy spends Saturdays with his best friend. They’ve known each other since 9th grade, and being 24, that puts them at 9+ years strong. Which isn’t a problem for me. I’ve made a point of making it clear, though, that if he can’t give me more than a few hours a week, then we’ll be going downhill fast. Which is why he began to spend Sundays with me and sleeping over. Appropriate responses to appropriate complaints.

Side note, part 2: My guy is also on the autism spectrum. That means that I didn’t ask for change immediately. It means that I was content to move at a logically slow pace, and that I wasn’t going to oust him from the lifestyle that he had been maintaining for 5+ years just to make myself happier faster. It means that I understood that sudden change to that lifestyle was going to be hard and maybe a little scary for my guy. As soon as we decided that we were committed and exclusive, though, I let my expectations be known and vice versa, and we’ve been moving together, at an agreeable pace ever since.

Side note, part 3: Up until about March of this year (we started dating in June), my guy was involved in an on-again, off-again relationship that spanned about 5 years. He pursued a girl, she would play with his emotions, use him for sex, then move on.

Side note, part 4: The girl who mentioned the threesome and the bitch in part 3 are the same person.

Boi ._____.

So. The infraction. One night, he texts me and asks me to call him. First of all, that never happens, so I was on high alert. I call him, and he’s huffing and puffing on the phone, and I’m immediately worried. I wait for the silence, and he finally tells me everything I just told ya’ll and also adds in that 3 weeks before, when he was drunk with his friend, she messaged him on FB, and they exchanged “extremely inappropriate” messages. He asks me if she’s contacted me because she threatened to screenshot the messages and send them to me.

First – no, I didn’t blow up. Yelling at him causes him to shut down, and I’m not about that shit. We’re going to talk this out and see what solutions there are, if any. But I did tell him that I would talk to him about it the next day because I was at a friend’s birthday party and refused to ruin my night any further with that bullshit.

I finished my night out with 7 shots of tequila and some lemon pound cake. Millennial style, lmao.

So the next day, I go to his house, and we sit and talk for hours. Which was really me talking and explaining exactly all my problems with this fucked situation. The primary reason I’m sharing this is because I felt like I handled this in an extremely calm, collected manner, and I really just wanted to share what points I addressed and how I addressed them.

1: This was an instance of cheating. I saw that he wanted to deny it, but he agreed with me when I said that. It doesn’t matter if he didn’t actually fuck her. It was cheating because they essentially fucked virtually, so if he expected me not to be upset with that, then he was about to be extremely disappointed.

2: I understand that lingering feelings may be present. I wasn’t angry about “lingering feelings”. I don’t expect a connection that lasted for 5+ years to *poof* and fly away just because he met me. That’s not how the heart and brain are wired, not to mention that I’m really just not that fucking special, tbh. But having lingering feelings and acting on lingering feelings are two different things.

3: I told him that being drunk was not an excuse. If I ever get tipsy when I’m with him (which I have, several times), he refuses to touch me because he says that consent is only viable when I’m sober. I give him shit for it, but I think it’s adorable, so I don’t actually care. BUT, this is the point that I made: If my consent is an issue after 3 fucking beers, then okay. But if his getting drunk means that he can’t be held accountable for his actions, then he needs to stop drinking so heavily and putting himself in such a situation that he would need to be held accountable for bullshit. This wasn’t “she messaged him and he curved her”, ya’ll. This was him and her messaging back and forth, knowing that he was in a relationship, and knowing damn well what I would think about that. And yes; she knew he was taken. It was posted on the social media outlet they were communicating through, and she commented and liked the post in which it was announced.

4: I’m not holding her accountable for anything. She’s not in a relationship with me. She’s not the one who sleeps beside me every Sunday night, and she’s not the one who uses intimate knowledge of my body that I didn’t even know fucking existed to bring me to orgasm. SHE AIN’T MY PROBLEM. My problem is my guy, who knew exactly who he was dating, who knew exactly how I would respond, and who knew exactly what he shouldn’t have been doing. It’s HIS responsibility to curve her. It’s HIS responsibility to stay loyal to me. And if he doesn’t want to be loyal, then he can leave. Simple as that. I’m not begging a man to show me the same loyalty that I’m showing him.

5: Apparently, she has a child by some filthy, domestic abuser, and while I hope that fucker gets the full force of whatever karma has in store for his dirty ass, no amount sympathy or empathy will make ME okay with this situation. My guy is the caring type who goes out of his way to help people he feels close to, and that’s bitten him in the ass a few times, and while I understand the history there and understand that he was there for this chick when she went through the fiasco with her ex, he has no obligation to her. I made it clear: she’s not his to protect. I am. He chose me, and she didn’t choose him until she noticed that he was no longer available to her.

6: “Don’t fuck up again.” I didn’t expand on that point, I didn’t explain anything. I ended the conversation with that.

The point of this long ass story, both guys and girls, is to highlight a few things.

1: You’re not obligated to stay. If someone fucks up, LEAVE IF YOU WANT TO. Maybe I’m stupid for staying. Lord knows I feel like a dumbfuck, and my friends have told me that I’m a dumbfuck for staying with him. But he makes me happy in ways that no one has for quite a fucking while, and I’m willing to make this work – as long as he doesn’t fuck up again. But please. It’s okay if you don’t feel strong enough to deal with something like this, and it’s okay to leave for your own intellectual and emotional well-being. It’s okay.

2: If they fuck up, refuse to acknowledge the fuck up, or worse, see nothing wrong with their transgression, DIP, BABE. Leave that fucker because they’re strapping your ass into the car and forcing you to carpool to hell with them. People like that are emotionally draining and don’t deserve the good shit that falls in their laps.

3: Don’t listen to other people. I vented to 2 friends and my mom. My mom was like “Look here. Talk it out. Don’t kill him. I don’t need a child in prison.” But both my friends were like “LEAVE HIM SIS HE DON’T DESERVE YOU”. And I was right there in between. If he’d responded any other way to our talk, I actually might have, though. Point is, go with your gut and call it a day. You’re not obligated to abide by someone else’s opinion or decision just because you’re close to them.

But don’t be a goofy bitch and stay with someone who’s emotionally draining and wrecking your life just because you’re afraid to be alone. Romeo and Juliet are not role models, babe. They both died, not because they loved each other that much, but because Romeo was too stupid to wait like 4 seconds for Juliet to wake up. Point in case: Don’t let “love” make you too stupid to see shit for what it is.

****You’re probably wondering if I asked to see the messages. No, I didn’t. I also didn’t ask him to block her. There’s this thing called “trust”, and it’ll either beat my ass or reward me heavily. I’ll find out which in a few months, I guess.

#drama #fuck