What if L was a vampire
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.
I NEED 2 TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A MOMENT...............
au where L's a vampire and no one (except for watari) knows. L resists urges to drain humans and instead drinks from the color red. He's obvs not the STRONGEST vampire because of this. Ryuk begins commenting on how all the apples around him have turned white and Light's all like Hmmm yeah that is strange. Yotsuba arc happens and L tries being as NORMAL AS POSSIBLE but suffers a feat when light wakes up to him drinking the red from an apple (((light freaks out)))
Being around a human for such a long duration of time has made L so freaking hungry for blood but he resists his urges ....... he's very into the idea of turning light into a vampire because light is the first intellectual equal he's ever met, and he wants to live on forever with him (((also because they're in love but sheesh thats boring)))
Light is VERY quick to grow out of his fear and instead becomes extremely fascinated with L. He got a super cool and freaky pet vampire basically hell yeah
I'll probs post about this a little bittle because i forgot how much i LOVE VAMPIRE AUs
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ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.
another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!
farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.
but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.
but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.
but the important thing is this.
farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.
farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.
the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.
as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.
but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.
and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.
to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).
to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.
and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?
but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.
the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.
so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.
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to add to the angst of thriller bark zolu, I keep thinking 1) of the parallel between zoro's words to luffy when he agrees to join him and his sacrifice 2) of sanji's words in the aftermath of TB and 3) the consequences of zoro's sacrifice bearing weight in sabaody.
1) while zoro choosing to pretend nothing happened at thriller bark makes sense, since he's not the type of character who'd go boasting about this sort of thing, it also makes even more sense when you think of this,
in the context of this other bit:
zoro, who believes and proclaims his dream of becoming the world's greatest swordsman is all he has, accepts to become part of luffy's crew on the sole condition that he'd never make zoro abandon that dream - otherwise, well, he says it. it's not gonna be pretty. luffy proved he understood the significance this held for zoro later at baratie, to the point he stopped johnny and yosaku from interfering in zoro's duel against mihawk, even though luffy himself was greatly upset abt mihawk hurting him.
overall, luffy is someone who places great importance in ppl's dreams and is willing to go through yet greater lengths to protect those he cherishes and befriends, especially his crew. this is an aspect of luffy's character that shines through in pretty much every arc of the story and something that zoro himself knows well since he's been with luffy the longest. which brings me to,
2)
to say luffy wouldn't have reacted well to zoro's deal with kuma is an understatement. imagine if monkey d. "I won't lose a single member of my crew even if it kills me" "defies the world government itself to save his friend/crew member" luffy were to find out that zoro willingly cast aside his dream and life for him, putting luffy's own dream and safety above his. bc to zoro, as the story progresses, his own ambition means nothing if he can't protect/save luffy, his captain. just imagine.
worse, if we take into account that:
3) thriller bark is the reason why zoro was significantly vulnerable at sabaody. even back before they arrived at the archipelago, zoro was visibly exhausted and injured, which brook notices:
and while zoro fights to the most he can despite the circumstances, his injuries after absorbing luffy's pain eventually leave him open to both kuma and kizaru.
now considering this is how luffy reacts to the whole ordeal when zoro's life is in danger and gets sent away by kuma,
just imagine how luffy would feel if he knew it was zoro sacrificing himself for his sake, which is already painful in itself, that led him to be so much weaker and vulnerable here. oof.
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how is this even possible that fitmc of 2b2t makes me so genuinely upset. i had to step back from the stream yesterday because i just felt sadness dripping through the screen. it wasn't loud or rich. it was quiet and unspoken and yet i FELT it in my bones. i wanted to cry of sorrow with him. i was so angry, distressed and upset at the same time. i have no idea how this man is doing it. maybe it's a mild change in his tone. very subtle, but it's still there. or maybe it's like all his movements felt so much slower. and how he desperately tried to grab for the last stroke which is the mission and rebellion members.
he didn't say it outloud, but i felt it.
"it's not fair"
and
"alone, again"
maybe im just too autistic.
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