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atomicfilm · 3 years

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INTJ pairings

I'll make this into a fun short "put you in my pocket and take you `to my mom's Thanksgiving party" version too.

I'm not an INTJ, but I do converse with them (and by them, I mean maybe 3 total and 1 regularly) and I've been asked to talk about my thoughts on this, so for tonight only, I'm giving myself a really cool sash that says I'm an authority on the subject. I also think as an INTP I run into somewhat similar issues with certain types.

* means I like this pairing.

Typically, the INTJ's golden pair is the ENFP. I think that works for some people, but is probably a kind of short-lasting passionate fling rather than the ideal pairing. ENFPs are great people, they're lots of fun to be around, they care a great deal. They bring out the INTJ's soft side, which they may hate but they secretly quite admire. But ultimately, ENFPs can be flaky. They see something new and exciting and they move on. Novelty is the greatest motivator in a lot of ENFPs. New friends, new places, new things to do. And while the INTJ may deeply admire that and may find it quite exciting, it's not going to last forever. Eventually, the INTJ will become tired of playing games and want to settle into their ideal lifestyle pursuing their carefully strategized goals and the ENFP will become bored. The INTJ I speak to and I have the same issue, which is that ENFPs by nature are manipulative. It can be used for the good of inspiring people and bringing them together, but it can also become quite selfish and unstable. This leads to the ENFP saying things like "You try to apply logic to everything" or "you don't really respect me" or something like that when in reality, if someone loves an INTJ they'll love that they apply logic to everything and they'll love their snarky edges.

INFPs. I have not heard a lot of feedback about them as I think INTJs tend to be drawn more to extraverts. But as someone who spends quite a lot of time with INFPs, I would imagine that a lot of INTJs who can't make it work with ENFPs can also not make it work with INFPs. Once again, INFPs are great at engaging our minds but they are terrible at accepting that we live by rationality. INTJs use Fi a little bit, so to some extent they'll have similar engagements with their emotional side, but INFPs live by thinking "what can I do to nurture myself" and INTJs live more by "how can I best mold the world to fit my vision of efficiency". You'll see the commonality of Fi at the worst point possible when the INTJ is breaking down. INFPs kind of never stop using Fi and as someone who is thinking-dominant, that is almost impossible for communication. Ultimately, they'll eventually hit a point where their love languages and ways of interactions may be so disparate that they feel neglected.

ENTPs **. This is a golden pair that I can kind of get behind. The INxJs I know are obsessed with ENTPs and tend to think they're quite attractive. They're not only gregarious (when they're not arguing) but they're also quite intellectually stimulating and since they have opposite functions from the INTJ, there is still quite a bit of difference to make it fun. There shouldn't be too many emotional issues, aside from the fact that both these types tend to bottle up their emotions and resent vulnerabilities. The ENTP will probably be the more caring of the two in a conventional sense, but I would think both would have similar love languages of caring both through action and thought. ENTPs also tend to not be quite as flaky as a lot of xNxPs are, but, I would rate both of these types as highly likely to ghost. My best advice is that if you want to be around ENTPs, pick one who can be honest about their real values and whose values align with yours. If they make a lot of bigoted jokes, take that at face value, no matter how "ironic" it is. ENTPs can be a little fake in the sense that they will blend in just enough and hide behind so-called irony to be friends with a lot of different people.

INTPs. I don't really see it. I think INTPs are lovely as an INTP who likes other INTPs. Likewise, I enjoy a good conversation and friendship with an INTJ. But I find it not only difficult to tolerate relationships but also being told what to do. I make every decision in a relationship as a compromise and I think that would eventually quite interfere with the INTJ's ambitions because I wouldn't back down on mine...at least, not without resentment. So perhaps an INTJ and INTP with similar life goals could work out romantically, but personally, I view them as platonic and the one time I liked an INTJ it ended beyond poorly. I don't bring out their softness and they don't bring out mine. We're more like buddies who complain about other people when we do the entire group project by ourselves. Of course, romantic preference is a preference.

ENTJs. When has it ever worked out for someone to date their sister-type? Name one time! If someone names one time I'll update this. I think an ENTJ and an INTJ would be quite an argumentative couple even if they were on the same side about everything. Then again, INTJs do admire extraversion and it is always nice to be around people you don't have to explain yourself to every sentence.

INFJs ****. Oh, I like this pairing. I have not heard much about it, but I think it would be really cute. INTJs are complete badasses. They're very "I'm going to take over the world and you're just going to have to deal with it. And if you say no I will secretly cry". INFJs are very "I'm going to do everything in my power to heal everyone and the world and I am probably crying because I saw a baby bunny". INFJs are The Best! They have the softness of ENFPs but they're logical and they use Ni like INTJs but have Fe, which means they are thinking about harmony 24/7 and not that Fi-version of harmony. That genuine "I will make sure everyone is cared for at no social benefit to me" kind of harmony. They do socialize with a lot of people, but INTJs sometimes like to be social and party, they just aren't typically regarded that way. Do Fe and Fi mix that well? Maybe not. But as an Fe user who is quite fond of INFJs, I think they could potentially be a very cute power couple with the INTJ and there would be fewer issues with communication than other types as Ni-doms (but this also might be boring at the same time).

ENFJs. Similar to INFJs. They might work together a little less simply because of the change in function positions.

ESFPs *. Do I know for sure that this is a good pairing? No! But gosh, do I like it. INTJs become ESFP-like when they're sad. So, you know, maybe the ESFP will draw out the worst version of the INTJ and that could really suck. But this is the perfect little theatre kid dates total nerd trope and I like that. ESFPs have the social circle that the INTJ desires and the INTJ has the "got their shit together" vibes that ESFPs, despite being quite talented and successful, may lack. They both have skills one another can benefit strongly from, but it may come at the cost of a lot of arguments. Not sure. But I think this is actually my personal favorite since they have near-opposite strengths but a common reason to respect one another.

ISFPs: Pft. Idk. This is not the same as ESFPs. ISFPs are lovely but they sort of fill the same niche that INFPs do. Perfect for an INTP like me, but I don't think INTJs are looking for the quiet, artsy, weirdo so much because they already often fill that niche to some extent, even if it's more technical. I've noticed that INxJs really want to be around people who are the life of the party and very socially dominant (and ISFPs can fulfill that role, but there are other types who win via extraversion). The ISFP will likewise appreciate a little practicality, but I've noticed they're more likely to gravitate towards other xxFPs. Probably a better friendship and as a relationship would take more effort.

ESTPs: I think this one comes with its own difficulties and will work less than ENTP/ESFP pairings. This is because while they can have the same charisma that ENTP and ESFPs have, they can also have that same fakeness as a defense mechanism. Both will value action but the ESTP will probably drain out the INTJ more than ENTPs will (who are more ambiverts) and more than ESFPs too. With ESFPs, there's a good amount of the right kind of opposites. INTJs are action-driven, but they're strategic and take a while. ESFPs are action-driven, but they're more spontaneous. And ultimately, that leads to a lot of arguments about how to get things done. Whereas, the ESFP and ENTP might give the INTJ complete room to "manage", the ESTP seems less likely to do so.

ISTPs: This would be so stale. INTJs tend to show big emotions (to their own despise) when they're upset and ISTPs love to ghost at any sign of emotion. They would dip so fast. Top-tier friendship on an intellectual level but never particularly deep and unlikely, albeit not impossible to evolve into a relationship. Same issues as with INTPs, there's going to be a lot of admiration and probably not a lot of emotional attachment. I have witnessed an INTJ have a crush on an ISTP but that ISTP had a crush on me so that tells you how that went. Messy business.

ESTJ: Yeah, I guess. I don't like ESTJs as a general concept but I suppose INTJs aren't necessarily as opposed to capitalism and tradition. Sounds dry. Next.

ISTJ *: This is probably a really solid pairing for the INTJ. Very marriage material, have the same job, raise cool kids. But I think that sounds boring. So if you want the "perfect life", this is probably a good type for you but I couldn't do that. You would probably only have minor arguments and the INTJ would have to learn to trust that ISTJs are incredibly good at reading situations while the ISTJ would have to learn to love that the INTJ is more fantasy-oriented than they are. Odd, right? Ultimately, you have two people who can be very commitment-oriented, who care for people the same way, who want to fix society, who analyze everything. You just have two generally different ways of doing that, where the ISTJ is probably actually better at being in society and the INTJ wants to change it in more drastic ways (although, for moral reasons they both want to change it).

ISFJ: I don't imagine it working particularly well. I honestly can barely imagine it at all. An ISFJ is my best friend and he is THE MOST gentle buddy. You cannot make fun of him even playfully and keep the friendship. Probably a deal-breaker for a lot of INTJs as they tend to love a good tease. My ISFJ has dated an INTJ before and while they’re still friends, it was a bad experience to witness all around. INTJs are very competitive and ISFJs are very open with their affection so that ran into issues but also, the ISFJ is not as likely to stand up for itself in a way that INTJs easily respect, which is to say, when they do it it will be something like “hey, you hurt my feelings” and if you’re the kind of person to respond “then you’re too sensitive” you’ve got a whole ass toxic relationship on your hands.

ESFJ: I think this could work a little better than the ISFJ pairing and a little worse than with the ESFP. Of course, there are general grounds for arguing over emotion vs. logic, but both types can have quite a good bit of talent and practicality coexisting. ESFJs tend to be a little better with criticisms (although they are still sensitive and should be treated very gently too) and they're more likely to want to accomplish goals that the INTJ finds easier to respect. For a lot of ISFJs, their goals are sweet and simple like raising a family, working as a computer scientist. The ESFJ might be a little more oriented towards large goals similar to that of the ESFP, which is more of the category that INTJs tend to fall into. However, the INTJ is going to have to accept that ESFJs love a LOT which means throwing a LOT of parties, probably the most out of any type and its probably going to lead to some burnouts.

Overall, INTJs are great but need to learn to practice kindness and put their natural tendency for intellectual superiority aside. They shouldn't be with anyone that doesn't want to accomplish things they can respect. They shouldn't be with people who want them to compromise too much (they probably won't). They should be with people who bring out their nurturing capabilities and who they want to do things for, but not people that they see as incapable of taking care of themselves. They may prefer more social people and admire people who can network while being direct and genuine. Based on these criteria, INFJs and ENTPs are my highest recommendations while ESFPs (my favorite) and ISTJs also make the list for various reasons.

BUT, that being said, RELATIONSHIPS (including friendships) ARE A SKILL. They are most successful when someone becomes good at learning respect and compromise that doesn't cause resentment, regardless of type. All individuals will have different specific interests as well as red flags. And if you need me to tell you if your relationship works, it probably doesn't and you can DM me.

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sagemoderocklee · 3 years

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Writer ask meme - everything divisible by 3

Sorry this took so long to reply to! I was writing out my responses today, but while watching Rosewell New Mexico with my roommate and that show is SO good. anyways this is really, really long so I will put part of it under a read more however if you are reading TAoL and want a sneak peak at an upcoming chapter, my answer to 36 is the entire first scene for that chapter

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? Other than the obvious writer's block, I think that my least favorite part is feeling insecure/wanting validation via comments and such. Writing is something I really enjoy doing and take great pride in trying to grow as a writer, but it's impossible to completely shake off that feeling of insecurity and sadness over something that doesn't get comments. There's this common thing in fandom where like you can pour a lot of heart and energy into something, be really skilled, only for it to get overlooked. There's obviously a lot of reasons for that, but some of those reasons are kind of annoying—like god forbid something not have sex in it, ya know?

6. Favorite character you’ve written?

So, that's hard.... If we're talking the canon Naruto characters, it can really vary from story to story. I obviously enjoy writing Gaara and Lee, but I was surprised to find that I really enjoy writing Shikamaru, Kankurou, Temari, Neji, and Tenten as well. I think all of them are really interested, have a lot of potential, and are fun in very different ways. Kankurou is definitely just flat out fun to write, and I think Tenten is very similar in the way she's fun to write. I think this like handful of characters are all faves for very different reasons so it's hard to say who my absolute fave is, but I really enjoy writing all of them. Definitely my fave thing is being able to write all of them interacting together, however.

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?

Least: Soulmates. I hate that shit with a passion—it's boring, it's artificial, it's easy. There was a post I just saw recently that said “soulmates are stupid. I love you on purpose” and that just sums up so much of my issue with soulmates. If something is predetermined by some fucking cosmic power, do you really ever love that person? Do you really ever know that person? Soulmate AUs will always be something that bore me and also insight anger. It's just not for me, and I wish that fandom spaces would just get over it, in all honesty. Fave: uh. I don’t really know about like trope-wise. I just really like anything with good world building and politics.

12. Which story of yours do you like best? Why? Oh gosh.... um. That's really hard to answer because every story I write has a special place in my heart for different reasons. Alliance is my baby; TAoL is a huge emotional investment and has allowed me to grow even more as a writer; Absolution is something I've always wanted to explore; Flyweight Love is super fun and cute; IEYH is a new experiment in writing for me; GoD was also an experiment... and on and on. It's hard to pick like a favorite story because like they're all my faves in different ways. There are certainly things I like more or prefer, like I'm not that into modern Aus as much so it's easier for me to say that like Find Me isn't a one of my best—it isn't, there's a lot of things I want to fix on it, and while it is a decent fic, it's not like groundbreaking imo. But like for all of the things that need fixing with Alliance, that fic is my baby and really grounded me as a writer in a way no other writing project had before it. So like I could never not love it. Anyways, I'm babbling at this point, but basically I love all my fics so I can't choose.

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing? Rereading my writing tends to help and hoarding some of my favorite comments I've been left by readers. I know I'm a good writer, self-doubt and insecurities aside, so re-reading stuff is really a good confidence booster—but when that's not enough, it is really helpful to look back at old comments.

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read

Of mine??? Well, obviously by 'book' we're going with fanfiction because none of my original content is at a point where I'd really even consider it for this question. Um. Honestly, I don't think there's much if anything. Maybe some HP fics but not because I'm not like... proud of the writing or premise. Like I'd say my ideas are really good, it's just a matter of like my own time management and shit.

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

My world building. I'm also generally proud of the premises I come up with, and the themes I explore with my writing. Like I think I'm a good writer in terms of the like technical writing aspect—pros and such—and also characters, but I think I excel at world building and overall plot.

24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author? The first time I ever wrote anything I was seven years old. I was at a party for my mom's boss? I think it was a birthday party? Anyway, I was the only kid there—which was fine because I was used to being the only kid in gatherings—but I was sitting alone by like a window and I just like started writing a poem about the night. That was like the first time that writing really became a part of me. When I was thirteen, when my mom got sick, I started writing poetry more. And when I was fourteen, I started writing fanficiton and that's kinda just... never stopped. I've been writing stories ever since.

27. Every writer’s least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?

My inspiration comes from everywhere, not to like be cliched. But inspiration really is in everything and everyone. I tend to find inspiration really easily in music, but it's also in just like the day-to-day; it's in other writers; it's in washing dishes; it's in a day trip to the ocean; it's in a quote or a touch or a word. Like genuinely, it's in big things and little things and things that shouldn't even be things. I don't feel like I really struggle with inspiration so much as motivation, really. And that is... a much harder thing to find sometimes (especially when you're mentally ill)

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

Um. I like to read fantasy mostly, but I don't look for something similar or different from my projects intentionally. I just.... look for things that I like? But I don't really know how to explain that lol

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like? Since I'm writing mostly fanfiction and the culture of having a beta reader has dwindled significantly, making it hard to find one, I do a lot of self-editing. I'm usually re-reading a lot as I'm writing. So until a chapter is done, I'm always going back and reading/editing before moving on to the next scene. And then once I'm done writing a chapter I'll usually edit it about two or three times in full in the document, then I put it in draft on Ao3 for another edit before posting.

36. Post a snippet All right a snippet..... Let's go with something from: The Art of Love, Chapter 13 (not the next chapter, but the one after). Since I left everyone hanging for so long with that last scene of Gaara and Lee, this is the entire first scene to ch13: It was all his fault. If he hadn't let himself get so carried away in the dream of Gyokukakushin, in the dream of Gaara, in the dream of safety they didn't have this wouldn't be happening. Their belongings had been stuffed haphazardly into their various bags. Despite how many times he'd checked and double checked, Lee felt sure that he'd overlooked something—some wayward item that had rolled beneath the bed or fallen behind the desk that would give them away. Gaara had watched him silently, his thoughts kept to himself as Lee dashed about their room like a mad man.

“I think that is everything,” Lee managed over the mantra of 'My fault, my fault' cycling through his mind. His voice trembled as he spoke. Every inch of him trembled. Every breath he took rattled in his chest. Every beat of his heart was a stutter against his rib cage. Every ounce of blood pumping through his veins burned with the need to run.

“This is useless,” Gaara said, the first words he'd spoken since the beach.

Lee snapped his head up, meeting Gaara's enigmatic gaze. “But—”

“They don't set sail until the end of the month,” he reminded Lee. “What use is being packed? Besides, it will look suspicious if we leave now.”

Tears burned at the corners of Lee's eyes. “But if they are coming—”

“They're coming,” Gaara murmured. “But even if they arrive before we've departed, we have our disguises. You have to trust that we'll be fine.”

Lee's head spun. How could Gaara be so calm? How could he sit there, quiet and unshakable, when Lee felt as though the world were falling apart around them? How could he be so sure that eleven days from now, they'd set sail, free and undiscovered? How was he not furious with Lee for his complacency?

Gaara was at Lee's side before Lee could shake the spinning in his head, a gentle hand at Lee's elbow and a surety in his eyes.

“I know you won't let anything happen to me,” he told Lee, as soft and insistent as the thumb he'd once pressed against the corner of Lee's mouth.

“No. Never.” Lee's stomach twisted, guilt rising like the tide. He'd let his feelings jeopardize everything.

“Then what do you have to fear?”

A trembling laugh escaped Lee, soft and unsteady. He had everything to fear, yet Gaara's gaze implored him to forget those fears. He managed to speak, his tongue heavy with the lie, “I do not know.”

“Then do not know fear. It will make this harder for us, especially if the Daimyo's soldiers arrive before we've left.”

“If they do—”

“If they do, we will be as unknown to them as any other traveler. And if not, I trust your speed to carry us to safety.”

“We would miss our ship.”

“If it comes to that, so be it. We can find other ways of traveling to Tea Country.”

Lee allowed himself to believe all would be well because he couldn't believe anything else when looking into the depths of Gaara's eyes, but there was no escaping his gnawing guilt or the knowledge that his heart had led them to ruin.

39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire? I wouldn't say a lot of time per say, certainly not as much as I should, but I definitely do like to analyze other works and learn new skills, etc.

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied? I don't really write “drafts” per say. Since I'm just writing fanfiction, I'm usually just writing and then heavily editing. Sometimes editing does mean taking out and entirely rewriting entire scenes. And sometimes in writing fics, I do jump ahead—though very rarely—and write a rough draft of a future scene so I don't lose the idea/beats/etc, and then that will be re-written fully when I do get to it. But on average, I'm just doing a lot of editing.

45. First or third person? Third, definitely. I'll never be able to write first person cause it just doesn't really suit me and, overall, I think that it's a very hard point of view to write from. For me, it takes a special

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back? So before I write something, depending on what it is I will write an outline that can vary from a few sentences to like pages.

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books? A bit of both really. I love talking about the things I'm working on, but I also love to keep things a surprise so I can see what people's genuine reactions are to like plot twists or whatever. Of course, my problem is that I have to like—talk about my projects to stay motivated. It's a hard balance. I usually end up talking with my roommate since they also write fanfic for Naruto but not GaaLee. We can bounce ideas off each other, when we're stuck, etc.

54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written? Ugh this is another hard one... I think im gonna go with the opening from IEYH right now as one of my fave becuase I think I did a decent job of setting the tone of my very first horror project: Too often, ghost stories begin with dark nights or horrible, gruesome death. Real ghosts don't follow the patterns of a novel; there are no beginnings, middles, and ends; no rising action and falling action; no denouement. Ghosts do not achieve resolution; ghost do not experience the climax of their own tale. There are no happy—or even sad—endings. There are no endings at all.

Ghost stories go on and on and on, rambling endlessly towards nothing and no where, only stopping for the finite amount of words one can speak or write in one's lifetime.

That is the true horror of death: ceaseless, unending nothingness.

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painted-crow · 4 years

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Snake vs Bird secondary?

This is a submission, so it's formatted a little differently. My line notes will look like this. Let me know if this is hard to read for anyone. -Paint

Just to get it out of the way, I'm a snake primary.

Secondaries:

The ones I'm not:

-I think badger secondary skillset is kind of cool, but rather than something that comes naturally it's something I'll occasionally make the conscious decisions to use, and the *value* set that goes with it is not me at all (use all the shortcuts! Minimize hard work as much as possible! Flit from project to project!)

Yep, not you. Cool beans. Might be a performance since you do turn it on? Up to you whether you care about that.

- occasionally, when trapped with no way out, I'll do a lion style "charge in". It feels like the desperate act of a feral animal, not my natural preferred style. Can't manage to make anything else work, charge in, worse thing that happens is we all die. Also re lion I do occasionally consciously fake it, like, I used to have a reputation as the blunt one who couldn't lie and despite being perfectly fine with lying I'd lean into it, having people think you don't lie is handy. I used to be the person appointed by unspoken group consensus to say the things that needed to be said but weren't socially acceptable, that kind of thing. But I'm not a lion primary (I honestly tend to feel slightly queasy reading lion descriptions, although I do have lions I admire)

Oh gosh, this bit is so Snakey. It's SO SNAKEY. Lol

(On the second pass, it almost seems like you're seeing others' opinions of you as a resource you can use...)

So now... Snake vs Bird secondary:

* I can't tell what the system is even talking about when it talks about collecting information because its useful or not. No, I don't waste my time on totally useless trivia.

It's less that you'd seek out random trivia, and more that some of your interests are maybe not super practical.

I was really into natural planted aquariums for a few years, and I thought they were really cool as an exercise in botany, chemistry, biology, aesthetics, and building a tiny ecosystem.

Is this knowledge ever going to be useful? Well, no, definitely not maybe some of the stuff I learned about what plants look like with various nutritional deficiencies...

Some Birds will focus entirely on their more impractical interests, others won't have any and their skills will all seem kind of utilitarian--but they will have picked them up out of interest, even if they really value their utility. I know a lot about computers and programming, and I picked that up partly because it's so useful, but I couldn't have gotten as far with it as I have if it didn't interest me.

On the other hand, I learn languages for fun, even if I don't have anyone around to use them on. Languages are just inherently useful. And I'm a writer, so like, pretty much everything is useful eventually, right?

I'm a writer too so I know what you're talking about, and this is a more solid justification than the example I gave above, but uh... this is a real good blanket rationalization xD

I read as much history as I can because it all goes into a big subconscious churn to make me have a better understanding of human nature.

This is very Birdy. I do something similar, but it's more psychology focused.

Does knowing why I pursue knowledge make it a model?

Nah. Knowing why they value something would just make a Bird value it more. Also, we're really likely to analyze why we like stuff, because analysis is kind of our jam.

If so, that's so deeply strange to me I guess I'm not a bird?

Right now I'm thinking you're a Snake with a strong Bird model. You seem reluctant to identify with it, whereas the Snakey traits you talked about in your "I'm not a Lion" section, you described with a kind of trickstery playfulness and I think you see them as more "you." With Bird you're almost defensive, like you're trying to assure me you're not boring and stuffy xD

But your Bird model seems strong. I think you'd be able to rely on it if your Snake ever Burned. That's a good thing.

* I never know what to answer on the "going in with plans" question of the quiz. I always have a few plans in advance, and they always have several blank spots marked "adjust based on what's happening". I can't imagine not having plans, it gives me anxiety, I can't imagine being too rigid about the plans, it gives me anxiety.

Yep, this still vibes as Snake with strong Bird model.

* I like to research and prepare in advance as much as possible. I was researching college majors when I was 12. I read all the choosing your career books, spent summers interning, and interviewed people about their jobs so I could feel safe choosing. I spent three years reading books and listening to podcasts about parenting before having my first kid so I'd know what I was doing (similarly, I spent years before marriage reading marriage therapy books and relationship skill books).

Oh hell, just @ me next time. This is more full of Bird shit than the windshield of a car that's been parked under a tree for the last 3 years.

And then, after doing as much research as possible, there's ALWAYS the moment when you have to say "screw it" and jump in blind as a bat anyway. That's just life. It's completely impossible in the actual moment to follow a plan, the plan always disintegrates at first contact with the "enemy" (but the process of making the plan, backup plan, and additional backup plan is important.)

There's that Snake again. I really wish I could do this. It'd be super useful.

It's starting to sound like your Snake is supporting your Bird rather than the other way around, which is surprising me. I was expecting you to start convincing me you were a Snake around about now, but you're doubling down on the Bird.

* there's a distinct feeling of 'turning on' my hyperawareness of my surroundings and ability to respond. Like, let's say I drift through life *highly* distracted by what's going on in my head.

Moooood.

But if I'm at a job interview, or giving a speech, or having an important social interaction, there's this sort of clear quiet feeling where I'm just trying to sense the room and respond on instinct. It sure feels like this might be what snake descriptions are describing, but it's only on sometimes.

That's how models work, or how they can work. I can see why you're confused.

* honestly reading snake description feels vaguely "aspirational" rather than "yeah, that's me" because I simply don't have confidence that I'm THAT good at grabbing opportunities or responding to chances. In the moment I can fatally hesitate for the crucial two seconds...

Also a model thing. You value it over your actual secondary, which explains why you want to identify with it more. I do this with my Badger model sometimes.

Actually, thinking about it, I essentially feel split. I feel I am both. I feel like my brain can be in plan mode or response mode. It cannot do both simultaneously, I need both modes, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to figure out which is one is my "type" ie more essentially "me". Response mode is more "natural", ie instinctive, when in use. Planning mode comes more easily, feels more comfortable, but of course that's because the inherent nature of planning mode is to happen in the safe spots, you don't plan mid-interview because that's when you're in "danger" and need to "respond".

You're taking your Bird for granted. A lot of people find planning REALLY stressful, and actually feel more comfortable in the moment. Or they like the slight feeling of danger.

Our society holds Bird up as "this is what intelligence looks like" and tells us we should all be that way. (It does this with Badger a lot too.) The result is that people who are good at it don't realize that it's not universal--and they think that seeing it as something particular to them is arrogant.

Effectively, it becomes invisible. We take it for granted and identify it by its weird quirks rather than its actual structure, which we've been taught is something everyone should be able to use easily.

Improvisational secondaries are going to feel more instinctive, almost by definition.

I don't know, I'm beginning to feel like I fundamentally don't grok either one or both of these secondaries and hence am so confused..

I think you're using Snake to support your Bird more than the other way around. You're more comfortable with Bird, and it's most of what you've focused on in writing this. So, after reading all of this, I think you're a Bird with a loud Snake model.

But if that doesn't jam well with you, you could just say "I have two secondaries." Traditional? No. But go ahead. If you feel like that's the truest description of you, then it probably is. Labels describe, they don't define. If it changes later, that's okay too.

Thanks for your question!

#sortinghatchats #ravenclaw secondary #slytherin secondary #shc models #submissions #sorting yourself #paint speaks #slytherin secondary model #submission

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sunny1ace · 4 years

Text

Fix You - Part 3.3 of the FamAU

Characters: Logan Sanders, Patton Hart, Janus Viper

Summary: Patton feels like his chances are slipping away from him

Words: 2900

Warnings: Repression, anxiety, sad feelings, let me know if I should add any more :)

A/N: UgH I don’t like this but it’s been sitting in my drafts for months so I just gotta buckle up and post it

Taglist (let me know if I should add you or take you off): @espepspes @kaileah-kat @i-need-you-buddy

***

Patton doesn’t mind mornings, the light shining through the window, the birds singing, the sound of campus waking up and the occasional bark of a dog.

This morning though, he’d rather just go to sleep.

He was up until one in the morning, just staring at his ceiling, doing nothing. He might’ve gotten up to draw or work on some homework, but he didn’t want to wake up his roommate.

The roommate who apparently doesn’t have the same politeness towards him because he throws a shirt at Patton’s face rather abruptly before either of their alarms even go off.

Patton grabs it and sits up, raising his eyebrows at Dee. “Something wrong?”

Dee looks bored. He generally does, really. Patton has learned to see through it.

“Patton, dear, if you don’t get up and go, you’ll miss your morning rendezvous with specs.”

Patton blinks at him a few times, then flops back down on his bed.

Across the room, Dee sighs. “What is it then?”

“There’s only a week left!” Patton covers his face, sticking his legs in the air and probably looking ridiculous.

“Then tell him.”

Rolling sideways and off the bed, Patton stands, making a pouty face. Dee is staring at him like he looked at the cat Patton brought in from the rain last year. “I can’t just tell him! What if… what if he hates me?”

“Of course, love. After four years of following you around like some love sick cyber puppy, I’m sure he hates you.”

“Really?”

“No!”

Patton loves Dee, he very much does, after bunking with him for four years, how could he not?

That being said, he might be on the brink of shooting Dee one of his famous condescending glares right back.

“Well you could be a little clearer, kiddo.”

Dee sighs for the third time. “Come on, Patton-pouter, I’ll walk you outside.”

Excited, because Patton rarely has time to spend with his friend anymore except at night, Patton pulls on his shirt and shoes in record time. “Are you meeting Maeve?”

“Later,” Dee says, and he goes just a little red at that. “She wants to go over her Welfare project. Again.”

“I’m sure she’s just being thorough!” Patton says brightly, pocketing his phone and throwing open the door.

Dee shuffles through with a grumbled, “Thoroughly obnoxious.”

Patton watches as he flips his hair back from his face, and doesn’t try to hide the proud smile when he doesn’t duck his head to cover the large scar on the left side of his face, even after Dee sticks his tongue out at him.

“Oh, don’t be like that! I’m just glad you’ve decided to stop hiding!”

“It’s been almost a year, Patton. Are you ever going to stop mentioning it every morning?”

“Nope!”

Patton smiles brighter when Dee turns away, barely concealing a small smile.

His smile falters slightly as he looks down at his shoulders. He opens the door again and leans into the room just far enough to pull his cardigan off the coat hook inside. Patton rubs the fabric between his hands and stares at it.

“I am aware of your- er- fascination with cats. So I’ve gotten you a gift… if you’d like it, of course.”

“Lo! This is absolutely purr-fect!”

“Oh god.”

Patton snaps out of the memory when Dee waves a hand in front of his face, and knocks his chin up with a finger. “Come on, you’ll be late.”

Nodding, Patton throws the cat-cardigan over his shoulders and ties it securely.

“Don’t you ever wear it?”

“How would I take it off fast enough to give it to someone who needs comfort?”

Dee goes just a little bit red, and he scoffs and shakes his head. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re pretty!” Patton giggles when that makes Dee turn even redder.

The two walk side by side, and Patton shuffles his feet just a little more than usual. Sure, he’s always happy to see Logan! It’s just…

Just what? Patton bites his lip and shakes his head, taking deep breaths until he can smile without it shaking.

He’s excited to see Logan. That’s it. No deeper meaning, no hidden sadness. He’s happy.

Patton is happy.

Dee opens the door out of their dorm building, leaning against it with one hand in his pocket and looking very much like the lawyer he’s studying to be. “See you this afternoon, darling.”

“Have fun with Maeve!” Patton calls, waving his entire hand so it flaps around on his wrist. Dee snorts and gives him a two finger salute before going back inside.

Looking around, Patton takes a deep breath, letting the smells of campus flow through him.

Leaves and fresh cut grass, coffee and waffles, it smells like fall.

“How can something… smell like a season?”

“You know! How winter smells cold, How summer smells like the beach-“

“We’re nowhere near a beach, Patton.”

“It’s the idea of the thing!”

“I thought it was a smell?”

Patton laughs out loud at the memory, reaching up to pull at a few of his curls, measuring them to his nose absentmindedly as he walks.

He passes a tree, and stops at a chirping sound. He turns and tilts his head at the bird a foot from his face, and he could’ve sworn the bird tilted its head back. “Hi there little guy! I hope I didn’t interrupt your morning song!”

The bird chirps three times, fluttering its wings and hopping to a higher branch.

“You’re beautiful,” Patton tells it with a wave, and continues on his way. He thinks it’s a woodpecker. Logan would know.

It’s about three minutes later when he sees Logan ahead of him, right on time, as usual. Patton waves at him even though his back is turned, “Hey!”

Logan doesn’t stop, but his steps slow down and Patton races to catch up. “Hey Logan!” He says again, maybe a little louder than necessary.

He debates giving Logan a hug, but decides on a light hip tap so as not to invade his space without warning. “How are you?”

Logan nods, and when he adjusts his glasses Patton has the sudden urge to do the same, so he does, and his ears turn pink even when Logan doesn’t notice.

“I am well,” his friend says, and Patton gives him a once over.

His face is slacker than usual, he’s slouching more than usual (though it’s still barely at all) and his tie is crooked. It takes all Patton has to not reach out and adjust it. “You sure? You’re looking a bit tired.”

“That would be because I am,” Logan replies, and his heart sinks. Then Logan smiles at him, and Patton can’t help but smile back. “Not to worry, one bad night of sleep won't stop me from functioning properly.”

Patton guesses it’s been more than one night. He doesn’t comment on it, mostly because that would be a weird follow up to the giggle that escapes him because Logan is so gosh darn cute.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, and Patton focuses on the sidewalk, stepping over cracks and occasionally veering off to look at pretty yellow dandelions. On one of the flowers is a ladybug, and he crouches down next to it to watch it crawl between the itty bitty petals.

“How are you, Patton?”

Patton stands, messing with his cardigan sleeves so Logan can’t tell his hands are shaking. He grins as wide as he can, “I’m awesome! On the way here I saw a woodpecker!”

Patton doesn’t miss the way Logan slows to walk with him, and for some reason it makes his throat hurt.

“Considering where we are,” Logan starts in his teaching voice, and Patton’s throat gets tighter. “It’s more likely you saw a Northern Flicker. They do look quite alike.”

Getting an idea and jumping on it, Patton makes a face at Logan, “Do you want to see my impression of a Northern Flicker?”

Logan looks hesitant, eyeing him warily, and then nods.

Patton grins wider and points his hand north, and starts flicking.

“I don’t see how that resembles a bir- oh.” Logan’s face turns exasperated. “Oh because you’re flicking to the north- that’s- that’s completely awful.”

“You love me,” Patton coos dramatically.

He regrets it the second he says it.

“Do you have lunch plans today?” Logan asks, maybe a little too quickly.

Patton tells himself very sternly in his head not to cry. He reties his cardigan to have something to do and shakes his head, “Nope! None.”

Quiet. Patton blinks rapidly.

Logan clears his throat and for a horrifying second Patton thinks he’s going to ask why in the world would Patton thinks he loves him because they’re only friends and besides they’ll be strangers in a week and-

“Would you like to attend lunch together?”

Patton almost passes out in relief. He clasps his hands behind him, another way to hide the shaking. “Yeah! We’ve been friends long enough that you don’t have to ask anymore, Lo.”

Logan trips a little, but keeps his eyes ahead. Patton wonders just how tired he really is.

The coffee shop door swings open when Logan pushes at it, and Patton bounces through.

Almost everyone in the coffee shop waves at him or says hi, and it makes Patton’s insides warm. He passes Eliot on their way out the door, and the student waves at him, “Hey Patt!”

“Eliot! Hey!” Patton waves back, and his eyes go wide as he remembers the talk they had in Animal Sciences two days ago. “How’d the English final go?”

“Aced it!”

The warm feeling in Patton’s chest gets bigger. “Aw, kiddo! I knew you could!”

Eliot snorts and changes the topic, Patton doesn’t argue. Compliments are hard sometimes. “Getting coffee for Professor Aldridge again?”

“You bet!”

“Man, if I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you’re a suck up!”

Patton laughs as they leave with a friend, turning back to the counter to decide what to get. Logan leans over his shoulder, and goosebumps raise on the back of Patton’s neck. Logan being close to him is.. really nice.

“If they did know you any better, they’d know you are, in fact, a suckup.”

Patton gasps, and his face is red from Logan’s breath on his shoulder but he pretends it’s because of the accusation. He pushes Logan just a little, and almost pouts when he stays far away. “Am not! I just like doing nice things for people… and if it happens to make some professors more inclined to give me extensions more often… that’s pretty neat!”

“I’m fairly certain that’s the definition of a suck up.”

“Coffee, Lo?” Patton asks, smiling despite his red hot ears and cheeks.

Logan chuckles, and Patton wants to kiss him. “Buying me something to get out of a conversation? That’s a bribe. Which is a crime in some states.”

“I guess that makes me a criminal,” Patton starts, raising an eyebrow at Logan who is looking increasingly distressed, “criminally-“

“Black coffee if you don’t mind,” Logan interrupts.

Patton giggles and pulls out his wallet, paying for both their drinks and the Professors.

“I could pay for them this time, Patton.”

“You could!” Patton agrees, but makes no move to let him. “Don’t worry about it. I dragged you here anyway!”

“On the contrary. You didn’t drag me anywhere.”

Smile softening, Patton doesn’t know if he wants to cry because he’s happy, or because he’s lovesick. “No, I guess I didn’t.”

Outside the coffee shop once again, Patton walks slowly with both his cups, not wanting Logan and his morning walk to end. He blows on his hot coco and side eyes Logan. “Are you… nervous about leaving school?”

Are you nervous about leaving me? Is what he wants to ask.

Patton watches as Logan takes a sip of his coffee, wincing at how hot it is. He doesn’t say anything.

“I’m nervous,” Patton blurts, not being able to stand the quiet any longer. “After this it’s just us against the world, you know? The future we’ve been preparing for since preschool is finally here and… I’m not ready at all.”

Logan looks at Patton with wide eyes and a frown, and Patton fidgets where he walks. “You aren’t ready? Are you alright?”

Patton shuffles his feet for a few steps, widening his smile to hide his anxiety, “Of course I’m alright! Just a little apprehensive is all.”

“Patton..” Logan slows and lightly bumps his hip into Patton, “you can talk to me.”

“I know I can!” Patton wiggles his eyebrows, desperately trying to get back the happy mood, “What? Have I been speaking gibberish?”

“Ah. Humor to cope. Why am I not surprised.”

“Well aren’t you feisty today!”

“It must be due to the-“

“Like a cat.”

“-lack of sleep last night.”

“Because cats are feisty.”

Logan adjusts his glasses with a sigh. “Yes. I understood, I merely refrained from commenting on the unnecessary joke.”

“Jokes are never unnecessary!” Patton protests, and he so hopes Logan will launch into a sciencey explanation about jokes that will take up the rest of their time.

No such luck.

“If you don’t wish to tell me what’s troubling you, you don’t have to,” Logan says quietly.

Patton stalls, he doesn’t want Logan to think he doesn’t like him! It’s the opposite of that, that's the problem. “It’s not that! I trust you Lo!” He bites his lip and then shrugs. “I’m just in a funk! I’ll be back to normal me any minute!”

“Patton-“

Turning towards his own class, Patton waves, walking quickly backwards, “I’ll see you at lunch!”

Logan sighs and gives a small wave, “Have a satisfactory day Patton, I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Don’t forget how incredible you are!” Patton calls out the routine end to all their conversations since that night under the tree when Logan cried for the first time.

“I’m nothing incredible, Patton. I’m just broken.”

“Well I think you’re incredible, doesn’t that count for something?”

Patton shakes off the chills he gets and speed walks to his classroom.

He doesn’t look back.

“Mr. Hart!” Professor Aldridge says calmly, watching as Patton walks through the door. She tilts her head, “I didn’t take you for a two cup kinda guy?”

“Oh!” Patton hands her the untouched cup. “That’s for you.”

Professor Aldridge shakes her head fondly. “Thank you, Mr. Hart. That’s very kind.” She stares at him in the way she always does, like her eyes are burning holes in his forehead and reading all his secrets. “Are you alright?”

Patton nods a little insistently, “I’m great! Just tired.”

Aldridge gives him an unimpressed stare and then sighs. “I’m always here if you need it, Patton.”

“I know.” Patton tries for a smile, but it comes out as more of a half shrug and a tight line of a mouth.

Patting his hand, Aldridge nods. “I know the end of school can be hard, and very overwhelming. I’ve been where you are. Hell, I am where you are. Every time a new class graduates I lose just a little bit of me. Especially when one of those students is like you.”

Patton starts to cry.

Aldridge doesn’t stop him, she just sits there with her hand over his and nods. “I met my wife in college, did you know that?”

The shock almost makes Patton stop crying. Professor Aldridge is gay? “You- you did?”

“I did.” Aldridge pulls back to lift a picture frame of her desk and pass it to him. It’s an old picture, Professor Aldridge must have been his age. There’s a girl standing next to her in a leather jacket and a mini skirt, looking like she could kill you in a second and coo over kittens the next.

Patton looks back up at Aldridge, who’s gray hair and crows feet next to her eyes are the only reason she looks her sixty years of age.

“Marrying someone of the same sex was illegal back then, so we didn’t have much hope. We let each other go,” Professor Aldridge looks sad for a few seconds, then she smiles. “We finally found each other again, and both of us cried when our marriage was legalized. We’ve been together since.”

Patton stares at her, and his heart beats in his ears. “Do you.. think it was fate?”

“Oh no,” Aldridge says with a laugh, she takes the picture again, setting it down carefully. “I’m a science professor, I don’t believe in fate… but I do believe that if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them.”

Trying not to cry again, Patton laughs wetly. “You should write a book.”

“There aren’t any books that can tell you what love is,” Aldridge replies, and Patton has the distinct notion that she isn’t talking about him.

“Thank you, Professor.”

“As always, I’m here,” she winks at him, knocking her cup against his before he heads to his seat.

He’s on the front row, like most of his classes, because glasses are great but he’s still blind, and because it’s louder in the front, the chatter of students and laughs and groans drown out whatever Patton doesn’t want to think about.

This time though, it’s not loud enough.

“if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them”

He has time.

#famau #part 3.3 #my writing #ace writes #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #ts spoilers #sanders sides au #sanders sides fic #logicality #logicality fic #college au

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thecomposerthatwaspromised · 4 years

Link

Were you familiar with His Dark Materials franchise before you signed onto the project? Had you read the books before, or was the whole thing just kind of new?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was deeply in my life. It's kind of one of those jobs that when you hear about it, I had to be involved, and whether I bribed somebody to get me the job or turned up at their office, I knew I had to do it. It was with Mission Impossible. I was a massive fan and with Mission, it had been in my life for 20 years. I'd been basically subconsciously writing Fallout out in my head. Just that famous Lalo Schifrin theme, I had been trying to write it for 20-odd years. With Dark Materials, I think... When was the first one? It was in the '90s. '95, gosh, how old was I then? I'm 42 now... Oh well, I'll figure that one out and text you. However old I was, it was a long time ago.

But yes, it was the same heritage and folklore of the likes of Harry Potter and Star Wars to me. Basically, I found out about it and I just knew I had to be part of the team. It's always very intimidating, especially with literature, because the thing is that everybody has created their own soundtracks in their head when reading these books, and you don't want to mess it up.

What kind of inspiration and influences did you take into consideration when you were crafting the His Dark Materials score? Since it's the kind of source material that everyone interprets in a different way, what was kind of important for you in creating your take on it?

I always treat these books as steampunk. I was very aware of the different worlds and the fact that you weren't too sure of what the technology was, and if it's present or past. Musically, I knew right from day one I wanted it to be a mixture of organicness and electronic-ness, and have it so that the organicness was being manipulated, so sonically you don't know what you're hearing and you're not too sure if this is real or if it's not.

I also kind of wanted to always make sure that with Lyra --I'd never worked on a show where it has such a strong young female lead, and I just wanted to make sure that I wrote it so it wasn't patronizing to her age. She is the future and she's just strong. I think that I wanted to make sure that she dramatically was as strong and powerful as if it was Princess Leia, for example.

And also what I wanted to do was very clearly set out each character's themes. Before we even started, I really spent a long time just creating everybody's dramatical world. With Mrs. Coulter, it's powerful but also slightly sexy. I'm not too sure if I can say the word "sexy" for Mrs. Coulter, but the thing is that her character, the way Ruth [Wilson] plays her especially, it's very imposing.

There are so many sides to it. I just wanted to start off composing and just making sure all of our characters have very clear dramatical worlds, and also their own instrumentation. I think that color-wise, I wanted to make sure that they have their own performances. In the same way, I started thinking about who was going to perform the music. And ironically with Mrs. Coulter, I got Chad Smith from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the drummer, to come and play on it. Because it was like "This is serious now, and this is powerful." For some reason, I just kept thinking of Chad.

On other themes, with the Egyptian theme, I was lucky to get [violinist] Lindsey Stirling involved to come and play. Everybody's theme, I wanted to get musicians that I could work with, that would also be that character sound.

I'm just remembering now, the same with [cellist] Tina Guo's playing on the soundtrack. She's the main cellist for Wonder Woman. I'm probably forgetting names. I should have practiced. KT Tunstall, the singer, is on the score. Sarah Willis is a French horn player with the Berlin Philharmonic. I was calling her a month ago in Cuba, in Havana, because she's on tour. And then Rich Harvey, one of the top recordists... Recorder players? Is that a recordist? I'm not too sure. So yeah, I wanted to get that high cast of musicians as well as the show, the cast, their actors.

What's your favorite thing about the score for His Dark Materials? Is there a certain theme or a certain sequence that you're just like, "I can't believe I was able to pull this off"?

I wish I could have more faith in my own music. Unfortunately, I don't. What we're doing with the soundtrack is that when the show starts, we're going to release two albums. The first album is going to be a musical anthology to our world, and it's all of the character's themes and the show's themes. And then the second album will be actual cues from the actual show. I'm still writing at the moment, so I want to say that the best is yet to come because I'm still at episode eight. But I think everything has been a challenge, because I think with Lyra, I think very, very aware of thinking about the fans.

To me, it's a hard job. It's very like working on games, because there's such a heritage and loyal fan base, that you can't please everybody. It's just impossible. But you've got to be loyal. I tried to do some research to see what fans would be listening to, and I found some references to the music of Algar, so I took some inspiration from that. To me, I've tried to just do my best to what people might feel with these characters. And also everybody working on the show are fans of the books -- whether it's the costume department or the makeup department or the camera department, everybody's wanted to be involved with this because of their love of the books. It's apparently a team effort.

And I think that the opening sequence has been one of the hardest jobs I think I've ever had because you're trying to write a theme and a piece of music that represents this story, which is mammoth. I think [it's like] being asked, "Who's your favorite child?" It's impossible, but I think that the journeys through it is all fun. We're recording all over the world, musically. We've been recording in Los Angeles and Cuba and Vienna, and we've been recording an amazing female choir in Bulgaria. We're recording the BBC Welsh Symphony Orchestra in Wales. Just the recording of the music alone is mammoth. I'd say there is no favorite, but I hope the main theme of the show gets people excited.

I'm really excited about the two different albums. I always love it when shows or movies really let people experience the music of the show, outside of them actually watching it in the moment.

I think there's a lot on the first album that's not necessarily a written picture, but it's a listening experience. And because I wanted to try to, maybe for two and a half, three minutes, be able to clearly represent who these characters are without being interrupted by people talking on top of it, selfishly. I think that's been a fun part of this journey.

[...] And then just to wrap it up, what can you tease about your future projects beyond His Dark Materials? What do you have coming up that we can look forward to?

[...] That's the plan, but also I'll start the second season of Dark Materials, probably after Christmas. There won't be much of a gap. I'm on the last episode at the moment, so there'll be a few months, and then I'll start on the next season, which I'm very, very excited about.

#Lorne Balfe #His Dark Materials #lyra belacqua #Marisa Coulter #interview #KT Tunstall #Tina Guo #Chad Smith

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engekihaikyuu · 5 years

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The Tokyo Battle - Review

Check out the Read More if you’d like to hear about this show! Askbox is open as well if you’d like me to elaborate on anything out of this.

I think the first thing I want to do is give credit where credit is due to HIDALI for the absolutely lit choreography and to Wada-san for the amazing soundtrack. If you’ve watched any of the press videos, you already know some of how the music is completely different now, extremely urban, pop, lots of R&B; less theater music, more k-pop. And WOW the choreography. Nekoma and Fukurodani got upgrades and additions to the choreography we’re used to seeing from them, and Nohebi was just something else entirely. They really do give the impression that they’re slithering around the stage.

The new pre-recorded footage that they used for projections was all super well done, but there weren’t quite as many of the projections that we’re used to (especially floor projections). They played around more with the stage lights, with many of the effects making it more like a concert at times. They wanted “city vibe” and they fucking nailed it.

It occurred to me after the opening sequence was complete that I’d yet to really hear any of the traditional Engeki musical themes, and that did feel a bit odd since I’m so used to hearing it by now, but the music used for this stage was so fun, I couldn’t stop moving in my seat.

The main running theme for this story was promises. Kenma’s promise with Hinata for the Battle of the Trash Heap, Kuroo’s promise to Kenma from childhood that they’d become #1 in all Japan, even Akaashi’s promise to himself to take Bokuto to nationals. Kenma talks about how people make promises all the time (e.g. See you tomorrow!) but that they’re usually just words that don’t mean much. He never puts any weight to them, but when he thinks about his promise with Kuroo and his promise with Hinata, it’s different. The opening flashback shows Kenma and Kuroo as kids, with Kenma sitting by a tree and refusing to play with Kuroo, who eventually moves to start carving something into the tree. Because it’s made to look like silhouettes, we don’t get to see what Kuroo’s promise is initially until they redo the scene at the end of the play and the projections show us the promise Kuroo carved into the tree.

But there’s also the promise that Kuroo, Yaku, and Kai made together as first years when they first became part of the Nekoma volleyball team, to conquer Nationals. There’s the promise the team makes to Yaku after his injury that they’ll win even without him. Akane talks about how her brother said he’d take the third-years to nationals no matter what. All the promises that everyone makes and how important they are and what it means to keep them. Underneath all that, the promise the current cast made to the graduated Karasuno cast that they’d work hard to make the best Engeki Haikyuu they could to continue their legacy of excellence.

As always, my initial night’s review is a bit scatter-brained and I lose direction on how to write about it, so I want to touch on some highlight moments for me.

Bokuto’s Battle Armor 勝負服

The fact that this wasn’t JUST a gag for the opening sequence when everyone had kind of interesting outfits on but that Bokuto literally brought this to the match because he thought wearing it would help him win and the fact that everyone on Fukurodani was trying to rip it off him the entire time!!! And it was finally Akaashi who pointed out that an outfit that important should be reserved for when they face their strongest opponents, at Nationals, to decide who stands at the top of all Japan. Kuroo chimes in that they can hear everything Akaashi is saying, implying that Nekoma isn’t quite worth THIS rainbow pinata level of effort. And Bokuto agrees that yes, the outfit should be saved for later and runs to take it off. Everyone else on Fukurodani congratulates Akaashi on a job well done, but he stoically points out the bigger problem: That if and when they do make it to the final match at Spring High, that it’ll be absolutely impossible to make Bokuto not wear it.

And then every time Bokuto starts getting flustered in the match, he kept going, “I think I’m gonna go grab the outfit after all,” and everyone is constantly just like NOOOOOOOOO At one point Akaashi was just like, “You don’t need your ‘battle armor.’ We’re your battle armor!”

Ishigami Ryuuya as Fukunaga

When the Nekoma cast was first announced for this show, I wondered what a recast for Fukunaga would be like because in previous shows, Hayate was never given any lines, just a LOT of sick choreography that became his signature. Thanks to that, the image of Fukunaga on the Engeki stage is one that’s associated with high level acrobatics and tricking, and I didn’t know anything about Ryuuya, so I wasn’t sure if that was what he would bring or something else. He DEFINITELY brings the acrobatics, so literally nothing was lost there, and on top of that, Fukunaga does talk more in this show, and it... tended to be in proverbs and literature references. lol

The build-up to Yaku’s injury and Shibayama subbing in

Because Yaku’s injury was supposed to be really shocking to us as readers, the manga didn’t have as much build-up for Shibayama until just before it happens, but Engeki stresses it pretty hard. From the beginning we can see how much Shibayama looks up to Yaku, runs after him, asks him questions, idolizes him as the ideal libero for the team. It makes it that much more heart-pounding for Shibayama when he eventually needs to be substituted in, and his nervousness was suuuuper palpable. It made me that much happier for his every receive that was well done and extra upset for every receive that he fumbled. They really really built up to that moment that he and Lev have at the end of the Nohebi match, where the two of them manage to fall in sync and pull off a great connected play that lets them feel what real teamwork is like. It was so cute for both of them, my heart was melting.

Yaku’s injury

At the moment that the lights go up after Nekoma scores the point and they realize that the result of the last play was a sprained ankle for Yaku, I really loved that Kuroo, who was standing at the front of the stage, basically ran toward the back, moving people out of his way to check on Yaku. He and Kai immediately put Yaku’s arms around their shoulders, and it was just a wonderful third-years moment in those little details.

Nohebi playing dirty

I already knew that stage Nohebi wasn’t going to annoy me nearly as much as manga Nohebi (BECAUSE THEY’RE JUST SO FUCKING COOL I MEAN JESUS CHRIST THE WAY THEY DANCE AND MOVE), but they’re still very creepy about it. The first time that they feign an apology to the referee to get into his good graces, Daishou admits that he fouled, then the entire team lines up and bows. As people around the stage start to comment on how this isn’t what their real characters are like, they all just slowly lift their heads only with sinister grins on their faces and slowly roll up to standing after that and it was mad creepy and also excellent.

CONNECT

Toward the end of the Nohebi match, there’s a really beautiful sequence of choreography where the Nekoma members chant, “Connect, connect, connect...” They’re all standing still around the stage except for one, who dances and then moves to touch a teammate, and then they dance together before the first one stands still and the second one moves to dance with a third, who moves to dance with the fourth, until everyone has been connected and the dance has been passed on and on. It was really the most stunning way to really illustrate their team concept in a dance; it made so much sense and I just couldn’t help tearing up at it.

It really was such an amazing show, I got so friggin’ pumped watching it, and during the closing sequence, they ran out into the audience and Shouri came up into our section of the balcony and my heart was beating embarrassingly fast oh my gosh he’s not allowed to be that close.

I’ll be seeing it twice more, on Sunday afternoon, and on the final night on Monday, and I’ll be happy to report back on variations/changes made from show to show, and feel free to ask me questions!

#review #haisute #engeki haikyuu #hq stage #the tokyo battle

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five-wow · 5 years

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Author Asks

Rules: answer these questions and tag five other fic writers to do the same.

I was tagged by the wonderful @novemberhush. Thank you, omg, because I love rambling about writing and this is the best kind of opportunity to do so, handed on a silver platter, ahh. 😊

Author Name: Square / Squares / SquaresAreNotCircles

Fandoms You Write For: I’m a fandom hopper! In the past year or so it’s been Hawaii Five-0 (a truly ridiculous amount), Shadowhunters, Venom, Harry Potter, due South and Stargate Atlantis. Other fandoms I’ve written at least one fic for are Twilight, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Glee, BBC Merlin, BBC Atlantis, Teen Wolf, In The Flesh, Star Wars, Supernatural, the MCU and High School Musical. And uh, Alexander the Great/Voltaire fic (which would be... history fandom? RPF?) and one (1) Judas/Jesus Biblefic. If we’re getting really technical, also a tiny little bit of One Direction fic.

It should be noted that all of this is about fic that ended up getting posted somewhere on the interwebs - there are multiple Star Trek (TOS/AOS and DS9) fics lingering in my drafts (!! one day I will finish one of them), as well as some How To Train Your Dragon, The Good Place and Deadpool stuff, and definitely more I’ve forgotten.

Where You Post: Since I made the switch to writing in English everything has landed on ao3, but I used to write mostly in Dutch, so there’s still close to a million words, I think, under my name on quizlet.nl (not to be confused with quizlet.com, which is a very different website).

Most Popular One-Shot: That depends on how you’re measuring popularity! Going by kudos, it’s Tell me I’m perfect (but tell me the truth), a Magnus/Alec Shadowhunters fic. It’s the truth is a really old fic about Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood from Harry Potter that has the most hits out of all my works, and That time Steve kissed every single Avenger (and also Bucky), an MCU Steve/Bucky fic, has the greatest number of comment threads.

Also, since this is an h50 blog: for my fic in this fandom Wanted: partner (in crime) has the most kudos and hits; You had me at meow has the most comments.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: I’m working on one for h50 (going slowly, so slowly), but I don’t have any posted to ao3. I used to write a lot of multi-chaptered work in my quizlet.nl days, and I think my most popular fic there was probably the second fic I ever wrote, when I was fourteen or fifteen, which was a next-gen Harry Potter fic with shifting and overlapping POVs from the three Potter kids. It was kind of, well, not great, but it’s probably what really cemented my writing habit, it’s still my longest fic ever (over a 100k!) and I got my first fandom friends out of it, including one I’m still in contact with to this day, even though neither of us writes much if anything for Harry Potter anymore.

Favourite Story You Wrote: Ohhh, that’s such an impossible question, especially because I’ve been churning out one-shots like I might actually be getting paid for it, so there’s so much to choose from, which is a thing I have difficulty doing at the best of times, holy shit. Uh, I once wrote a 70k Remus/Sirius (Harry Potter) modern college-ish AU in Dutch that I still like; weirdly, I think that Biblefic holds up (also Dutch), and the HSM fic is fun to reread once in a while because of the fourth wall break, as is That escalated quickly, a Percy/Oliver fic. Ooh, and the fic about Shuri and Stucky and a goat!

For h50, it’s even harder to choose, because my preferences change pretty much weekly (a combination of newer fic being shinier, looking back at fic from even just a few months ago and finding things I would have done differently now, and comments influencing the way I personally look at my own fic), but right now, I’d say I still really like the fic where Steve adopts some guinea pigs, the one with the slightly tipsy team bonding by talking about mutual crushes and this 9.11 coda fix fluff getting together thing.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: That Biblefic, haha, because it’s a very complicated topic and my aim was definitely not to offend. People were really sweet about it, though! Mostly, they were kind of shocked it wasn’t crack, but that’s fair, because so was I.

Also pretty much anything I post in a new fandom, really, and low key just... anything at all. I’m always a little scared I tagged something super badly or accidentally copy-pasted the wrong text or unknowingly wrote something super offensive or whatever, despite my double- and triplechecking of the posting form. (I’m also still kind of scared people on ao3 will randomly decide they hate my fic and my writing and me personally (ao3 is really big and very anonymous and coming from the small town that was quizlet.nl even in its heyday, that’s scary), but that fear has abated as I’ve posted more, just because the data is showing pretty conclusively that thought is as irrational as it sounds. Everyone is always so nice, gosh.)

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Mostly, I steal lines from random songs. I have a small pile of song lyrics to use as potential titles, because going on a seperate hunt for every new fic would take most of my waking hours. Sometimes, I’ll use a pun (like You had me at meow or Retail Therapy) or something else that I think sounds good, especially if the fic is mostly comedy and/or has a specific premise that would do well in a title (like Five times the Governor of Hawaii suspects his taskforce leaders are violating fraternization policies (and one time they tell him they are)).

Do You Outline: I’m mostly writing fic of (sometimes much) less than 5k at the moment, so not really. I do sometimes write tiny bits of a bunch of scenes and then fill in the rest around that, which is a kind of outline, in a way. For longer works, I usually make a one page bullet point list of things that need to happen and work from there, because I can’t do really extensive outlining or I’ll just get caught up in the details and lose all of the oversight a tool like that is supposed to give you, as well as most of my enthusiasm for the project.

How Many Of Your Stories Are Complete: Of the ones posted? On ao3, all of them, because unfinished posted one-shot works would require some strange bending of those concepts. On quizlet.nl, I do have some abandoned works, but I think 80% is finished.

In-Progress: SO MUCH. Seriously, just, so much, oh god. I’d really like to write another Stargate Atlantis fic (and I have 30% of one done), and something more for due South, too, and maybe a small Percy/Oliver thing again some time because they were my very first OTP and I kind of miss them, but mostly I have, like, 100+ half written things for h50. I really wish that number was an exaggeration. There’s no way they’ll all get finished, but maybe... a third? Mayhaps?

That One Truly Long H50 Fic that I was already talking about way back in October last year is also eternally “in progress”. The thing is that it has about 25k now, after a year, and I think it needs... at least four times that. Probably. So either I’ll have to stick with this fandom and my slow progress for another three years to have a shot at getting it finished, or I’ll need to find a way to up the speed a little. Maybe I could try working on it for NaNo this November? That would be pretty awesome, but honestly, part of why it’s moving this slowly is because NaNo-style fast and messy writing for this scares me a little, because I might end up writing a lot, decide it’s not what I wanted for it, and become too intimidated to ever edit and/or rewrite the entire thing. But idk, I probably just need to get over my own fears, because I really do want to write Longer Fic again. Short stuff is fun and feels really productive and that’s great, but I miss the actual slow burn and build-up that only 50k+ words can give you.

Coming Soon: Hopefully a lot? For h50, that is. I have no idea what’s getting posted next, because I’m never entirely sure what’s going to be finished next and something really random might come jumping in, but at the moment I’m trying to direct most of my energies at a slightly longer fic I’ve been working on for months (not The Long Fic, a different one), a fic labeled “9.01 memory loss fic”, another one temporarly entitled “Perfect Kauai beach house vacation”, and maybe an ace!Steve fic I’ve been working on, if I ever manage to uh, actually finish that, instead of rewriting three sentences during every round of editing and never actually adding anything to fill in the gaps it still has. There will also be more season 10 codas, in all likelihood.

Do You Accept Prompts: I’ve never done that before in the traditional way, but I’m thinking about it! I’d love to try (and it would be a breath of fresh air, in some ways!), but the main thing holding me back is that I have way too much on my plate with just my own ideas to work off of, and I don’t want to disappoint people. Maybe if I do drabble-ish prompt fills? It’s definitely been on my mind.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: I’m excited for a lot of stuff, but honestly, the top spot right now probably goes to the ace!Steve fic. I’m not even sure it’s that good, necessarily, but it’s, idk, really cathartic, I suppose. Seriously self-indulgent in strange but very good ways. I really like writing it. (Second spot goes to the beach vacation fic, because I haven’t actually written that much for it, but it’s been my go-to easy happy place for the last few weeks.)

I’m tagging @love2hulksmash @thekristen999 @stephmcx @girlonastring @flowerfan2 and @pterawaters, which is six people because I can’t count, but I’m about to make it seven because I’m also tagging you, the person reading this (hi there!). Say I tagged you and tag me so I can read it! I know that kind of thing can feel awkward, but it won’t be, because I’m cheering you on. Go for it, if you want to do it. :D

#tagged in #writing #*#question: [requires maybe two words to be answered]#me: [writes two lengty paragraphs]#i guess that also tells you something about what kind of writer i am

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hazzasgayvodka · 5 years

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i’m not a saint, i’m more of a sinner

so this is for another project I’m working on and it’s written in first person lmao sorry I’m just more comfortable with that than from reader’s POV okay?? sue me

I would just really like some feedback because I’ve been working on this for weeks and it’s a really pivotal point in another project of mine so yeah have fun

here’s a little something about Harry leaving in the middle of the night and ripping his own heart out because I apparently like to hurt myself

I personally really resonate with the song Pray by Sam Smith when I’m reading this so if you wanna listen while you read to “heighten the experience” have at it kids

I pull into the roundabout in front of the office with a pounding headache. I hold a hand to my forehead and feel the patch of rough skin that rubbed against the asphalt and grimace. I feel the barrel of the handgun in the back of my pants digging into my lower back and it makes me feel guilty. I take it out and shove it into the seat pocket behind me. I push open my car door and drag myself to my feet, slamming it behind me.

As soon as I walk into the building, I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. No one’s used to seeing me like this, with my hair a mess and a pair of distressed jeans on my waist. I walk up to the front desk where Tabitha sits quaintly awaiting my presence.

“Why hello there Mr. Styles, it’s a bit late for you to be strolling in tonight, isn’t it?” She smirks, her eyes raking over my lips.

“I suppose so, can you page Ms. Y/L/N for me? Tell her that her chariot is awaiting.” I laugh, sending her a wink and excusing myself from her desk all together.

I let my eyes wander around the lobby of the building while I wait for her, a place I’ve never paid much attention to. Just as I’ve started reading over the newspaper left in the center of the table surrounded by velvet chairs, the elevator dings and the clatter of her heels echoes across the marble floors.

“Harry!” She squeals, collapsing into my arms and allowing me to pick her up and spin her around.

“Hey there, gorgeous.” I grin, setting her down still giggling and pressing my lips to hers.

The feeling is exquisite, something I’ve been repeatedly robbed of for the past couple weeks. Every kiss has been a quick peck in passing as she leaves out the door for work.

“What are you doing here?” She asks breathlessly, her arms remaining wrapped around my neck.

“I have the next few hours free, I’m working the graveyard shift at the shop, I go in at midnight.” I explain, pulling her impossibly closer to me.

“Really? It’s only,” She starts, wriggling out of my grip to check her watch, “It’s only six o’clock! Oh my gosh, it’s only six, we have six hours together.” She grins, leaning forward and pressing her mouth to mine again.

She turns back around to face Tabitha’s desk, only pulling away from my mouth for long enough to yell a quick, “Tabitha! I’m going home early! Would you let them know for me? Thank you,” Before she turns back to me and seals her lips to mine again, shoving me backwards out the front doors.

“What are you doing baby?” I laugh, pulling away from her as we reach the stairs that I most certainly can’t go down backwards.

“I miss you, my god I missed you.” She says feverishly, grabbing my hand and tugging me down the stairs towards my car.

She stops just in front of it and pushes me against it, her lips securing themselves to my neck and making my mind go fuzzy. Her hand reaches into my jeans pocket and grabs my keys, unlocking my car before opening the door and shoving me in the driver seat. She slams the door closed and runs around to the other side, collapsing in the seat beside me before climbing over the console and straddling my lap. Her lips latch back onto mine and my hands instantly slide up her stocking-clad legs, her dress riding up her thighs.

Who is this woman and what has she done with my girlfriend?

“Wait, wait,” She pants, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth as she turns around in my arms and presses play on the CD player. Suddenly, the stupid make out CD she burned on my computer is flooding through the speakers and she’s smiling like the Cheshire cat as she turns back to me, “There, better.”

“Can’t we make out to The Clash or something?” I groan, trying my hardest to seem bothered.

“We can, but I can’t promise that I can dance to The Clash.” She taunts, her eyes never leaving mine as she starts to roll her hips and her hands move to the hem of her dress, tugging it up over her head.

Suddenly I’m graced by the sight of her in a black bra and matching underwear. Her hair is long, for her anyway, the tips nearly a full inch passed her shoulders. It feels like just last week it was only an inch under her ears. I can’t comprehend how golden her eyes look in the limited light as the sun disappears behind the horizon.

“My god, you are so beautiful.” I grin, running my hands over her goosebump covered arms.

She rolls her eyes, threading her fingers through the overgrown strands at the back of my neck. I can see it now, the small line of purple shadow under her eyes that makes them look so deliciously caramel colored. She’s never done that before, has she? It matches the black cherry color her hair has been leaning towards lately.

“Purple?” I ask, my eyes still scanning over her face.

“What?” She quips, narrowing her eyebrows.

“Purple, under your eyes.”

“Oh,” She nods, not meeting my eyes, “Yeah, I don’t know why I did it, it looks stupid-“

“No, it doesn’t, it looks fantastic. Your eyes look amazing.”

My breath is nearly knocked from my lungs as she pulls the lever on the side of my chair and pushes me backwards, allowing me to take in all of her. The sight of her dark curly hair, purple lined eyes, and lacy black underwear is enough to put me in the hospital for heart palpitations.

“You talk too much, Styles,” She laughs, leaning down to me and undoing the button on my jeans, “And as far as I understand, we only have six hours. Not nearly enough for talking.”

Bloody hell.

***

I pull up in front of the house and climb out of the car, racing over to her side to get her door for her. She rolls her eyes when I do, lecturing me about how she’s fully capable of getting her own door. I don’t focus on her words as much as I do the movement of her lips when she says them. She takes my hand and drags me inside, hanging her purse on the hook just inside the door.

“I’m starving, what do you want for dinner?” She asks, pulling open the pantry doors, “I went to the store earlier this week, I think we have everything to make chicken divan.”

I nod my head along to her questions, relishing in the ability to let my eyes rest on her, to drink her in. I can’t believe we finally did it, in the front seat of my car no less. It’s been weeks, maybe months. It feels like years. Everything is so busy right now. I never have time for anything, including her. I’ve been seeing her in glances if I’m lucky enough to wake up before her or when I finally crawl in bed beside her at the end of the day. I haven’t been able to sit here and watch her pour us both a glass of wine in what feels like decades.

“What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?” She asks, furrowing her eyebrows as she passes me a glass of white wine.

“What? No, no you look perfect.” I grin, finally shaking myself out of my daze.

“Alright,” She says uneasily, clearly not believing me, “I’m gonna go get changed, I’m sick of this dress.”

I nod and let my eyes follow her as she walks back to our bedroom, closing the door behind her. I’m shaken from my fantasy as the painted wood is shoved between us.

God, our bedroom. I’ll never get sick of that.

Just when I’m sure that nothing can ruin the feeling coursing through me, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out to see a text that couldn’t have come at a worse time. Not now, no work right now.

She scares the life out of me as the door clicks back open and I quickly slip my phone back into my pocket. I turn around to see her face again but my eyes dart to the sight of her wearing my clothes.

Jesus I’ll never get sick of this either. How do my shirts fit her like that?

I walk around the other side of the kitchen to the record player strategically placed so it can be heard all throughout the house. I search through my bin of records before I land on the one I’m searching for, Nora Jones, her favorite.

“Harry? Would you come in here and cut up the broccoli, so I can get started on the cream sauce?” She calls.

“Course baby, be there in a minute.” I yell back to her, twirling the record in my hand.

I set it on the turn table and carefully lower the needle, the music instantly pouring through the sound system throughout the house. I smile and stroll back into the kitchen, sliding in behind her at the counter. I wrap my arms around her waist and litter the back of her neck with kisses, making her squirm in my arms.

“Harry!” She squeals, shoving me away, “I said broccoli.”

“Yes ma’am.” I chuckle, taking a knife from the organizer and moving to the cutting board on the kitchen island.

I can hear her humming along to the words as I chop up the big head of broccoli into smaller pieces. She sways to the beat as she adds each of the ingredients to the sauce pan and the movement of her hips almost makes me cut my finger three times.

“Can you get the shredded chicken from the fridge?” She asks, knocking me out of my trance.

“Yeah, got it.”

I turn around to the fridge and yank open one of the doors, searching through the many shelves for the small package of shredded chicken.

“Third shelf on the right.” She laughs, not even turning away from the stove.

“Yeah, I know.” I tease, grabbing it out of the fridge and passing it over to her.

I watch as she grabs the white wine and adds a splash to the sauce before bringing the bottle to her lips and gulping down a few sips herself. She grabs a casserole dish and starts layering the broccoli and then the chicken before submerging it all in a thick pour of the cream sauce. My mouth is watering as she smooths it over with a spatula and tops it with breadcrumbs and cheese.

“Alright, you pop this in the oven for half an hour and I’m going to pour us more wine.” She grins, handing me the casserole dish.

I slide it onto the second rack in the oven and set the timer for thirty minutes. When I turn around she’s already holding out another glass of wine to me and dragging me by the hand to the living room. I can’t get over how perfect this woman is as she sets our already half empty wine glasses on the coffee table and tackles me against the couch. Her mouth is on mine in seconds and I’m quickly flipping us over so I’m on top. She grins against my lips, her hands reaching for the hem of my shirt and dragging it up to expose my torso. Her fingers roam my skin, massaging me in ways I never knew could make the goose bumps appear on my skin the way that they do. Her fingertips feel like a blazing fire and warm, soft silk all at the same time. It’s familiar, the way her body fits against me and her mouth molds to mine.

My god I love this woman. I love her more than I thought possible. Who am I, laying on top of her on our couch in our apartment with dinner in the oven and our work clothes on the floor. When did life become this way? When did everything fall into place so easily? What have I done to deserve this utopia, this moment of perfection where the woman of my dreams is making out with me in an apartment we both own on a couch we both share for no reason other than she wants to kiss me. She wants to kiss me, and I want to kiss her, and I can lean forward and put my mouth on hers whenever the fuck I want to. When did this happen?

“I love you.” She breathes, her eyes fluttering open to meet mine as she pulls away from my lips to catch her breath.

It nearly knocks the wind out of me, hearing the worlds fall from her lips. Surely, I know this already, I know she loves me. Why am I so awestruck by the sudden confession? I can’t believe this, can’t comprehend that this amazing woman in front of me is in love with me. That she loves me as much as I love her. That when she hears my name her heart skips a beat too.

I want to marry her, god, I want to marry her.

My mind goes hurtling to the small velvet case stored in a cardboard box on the very top shelf of our closet. I can picture the ring in my mind, a beautiful square diamond surrounded by a row of rubies. I could go grab it right now, I could get down on one knee in front of this beautiful woman and ask her to love me forever.

The timer goes off in the Kitchen and I swear it couldn’t have been half an hour that we were kissing. Suddenly my heart is racing as I’m ripped from my previous thoughts. She pecks my lips one more time before sliding out from under me and jogging to the Kitchen. I watch as she grabs the oven mitts and grabs the casserole dish from the oven, placing it on the counter. She smiles as she grabs a serving spoon and two plates for us.

When did life become this? So perfect? Surely this is the universe truly fucking me over, dangling my biggest dreams right in front of my face where I just can’t reach them. I can’t even imagine myself living this life, it feels like I’m watching it all through a screen. The perfect house, all decorated the way she likes. The marble kitchen, the wooden dining table, the couch that has never seen another girl but her. This is the stuff of movies, making dinner together and eating by the fireplace. Guys like me don’t get utopias like this.

“Harry? You ready to eat baby?” She calls, bringing our plates to the table.

It feels like I’m watching myself walk over to her, I’m not inhabiting my own body as I kiss her cheek and take my plate from her. We sit across from each other at our own table with music in the background. I listen intently and recognize the opening notes of one of her favorite songs. She grins as the realization dawns on her, her entire face lighting up as she stands from the table suddenly and grabs my hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Dance with me.” She beams, taking my hand and placing it around her waist.

She intertwines our fingers and lays her head on my shoulder, the smell of her shampoo making me dizzy. She waltzes us in circles and the room melts away. Suddenly we’re standing barefoot on the grass outside my car in Mason Park. It’s our first date and she’s looking at me like I’m the first man she’s ever seen. I can’t believe how beautiful she looks, her eyes fluttered closed and her lips mouthing the words of the song.

I can’t believe I’m here, dancing with her in our dining room with our food getting cold and neither of us caring even a little bit. She looks up to meet my eyes and smiles before leaning forward and pressing her lips to mine. She tastes like white wine and fruity Chapstick.

“I love you.” I say, remembering that I didn’t say it earlier.

“I love you too.” She grins, pecking my lips again.

“No, Y/N,” I say seriously, cupping her cheek in my hand, “I love you, god I love you so much baby. More than anything in the world.”

She rolls her eyes, taking my hand away from her face and threading her fingers through mine. She kisses each of my knuckles before letting my hand go and wrapping her arms around my waist instead. She lets her head fall to my chest, her eyes fluttering closed as she sways with me. I run my fingers through her hair, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head, her favorite.

“I know you do,” She says finally, her hands reaching to twirl my hair around her fingers, “I know you do.”

After dinner, she decides to go take a shower. I follow her to our room and turn on the TV, searching for a movie for us to watch. I hear her singing over the sound of the water and my mind races back to her humming the words while we danced.

My eyes dart to our closet and the single cardboard box sitting on the top shelf. I’ve told her it’s my childhood stuff, only half a lie. I listen for her again, carefully getting up from the bed and padding over to the closet. I grab the box easily, taking it down and shuffling through the medals and newspapers to find the small velvet case at the bottom. I stand up when my hand finally grasps it, my eyes raking over the burgundy velvet fabric before I snap it open.

The diamond catches the light at every angle. Every ruby is sparkling. I turn it over in my hands, examining the diamond studded band and watching them all glitter. It’s beautiful just like her. I could do it right now. I could wait for her to get in bed beside me and get on one knee. It would be easy. Now’s as good a time as any. It only makes sense that I’d do it now, that I’d ask her to do this with me forever after a perfect night of this.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket making me jump out of my skin. I nearly drop the ring as I hear her voice call my name from the bathroom. All of a sudden, my utopia is shattered.

I shove the ring back in the case and nearly toss the cardboard box back onto the top shelf. I take out my phone to see another reminder and my stomach flips. How could I have almost just proposed to her when I’m leaving in a matter of hours to do the one thing she made me promise I’d never do again, lie to her. What am I thinking? Guys like me don’t get lives like this. Guys like me don’t get dancing in the dining room and making out on the couch on a Tuesday.

This is some cruel trick, some messed up twist of the universe. It’s dangling this perfect life just out of my reach before I drive off to ruin every second of it. If I wasn’t me, I’d grab that velvet box with volition and I’d be sitting here on one knee, ready for the second she came through the door. She’d say yes and jump into my arms and all would be perfect. I can see it playing out in my mind, the happy tears in her eyes and the way she’d nod her head vigorously before wrapping her arms around my neck.

“Harry?” Her voice asks, knocking me back into reality, “Are you okay?”

I turn around from facing the closet to meet her worried eyes. She rushes over to me, cupping my face in her hand and searching my eyes for any indication of what’s wrong but she couldn’t even fathom the thoughts running rampant in my head. Looking into her eyes now feels like a stab in the gut. It’s not the same eyes I was just staring into. They’re not alight with love and happiness and overzealous joy. She’s not jumping into my arms and kissing me until she can’t kiss me anymore. I want that for her, I want her to nod her head to someone and tell them that she loves them and wrap her arms around their neck and kiss them because she can’t find the words.

“You’re white as a ghost. Are you sick? Do you feel okay?” She asks worriedly, resting the back of her hand against my forehead to check for a fever.

She has no idea. I want to tell her. I’ve never felt worse in my entire life. Am I sick? Not in the medical sense. I’m sick in a way that can never be cured, a way that can never be loved or forgiven or fixed by anyone. Her voice slowly fades as she asks a million questions, trying to give me a quick diagnosis, and it’s replaced with a million thoughts instead. Thoughts of regret and what ifs. Thoughts of wonderment and what could have been. What if I wasn’t who I am? What if I was someone different, someone she could learn to love, truly love, and forgive for all the things I’ve done?

“Do you want to sit down? Lay down? I’ll get you some water-“

“Hold you,” I choke out, cutting her off as I finally come back to myself and meet her eyes, “I want to hold you.”

She looks confused, but I take her hand in mine and lead her to our bed. The same bed we slept in for the first time only months ago. Our bed. She lays down against the pillows, dressed in my clothes, her hair still wet from her shower. She still looks worried, but I ignore it, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her into my side. She fits against me perfectly, her nails gently grazing my skin and her legs tangling with mine.

It hits me like a ton of bricks as I’m laying here, intertwined with her. She’s so perfect, sleeping in front of me, she’s perfect without trying. Everything about her is insane, so unfathomable, so incredible and fantastic and everything that I never thought I would ever find. She’s brilliant, absolutely fucking brilliant, and intelligent and witty. She keeps up with me, always one step ahead of anything I throw at her. She’s kind, when she wants to be, she’s confident and sure and so unapologetically herself. She’s gorgeous, god she’s drop dead gorgeous. She knocks the wind out of me on a daily basis when she rolls out of bed. She’s sexy and poised and everything I could never have, everything I could never deserve.

What have I done to earn this beautiful woman in front of me? Surely nothing. Surely, I’ve only gotten lucky this time. What has she done to deserve a life of being damned to me? I can’t imagine this exquisite woman ever choosing to be with me, but I can hear her voice in my mind uttering the three words that make life worth living.

I love you.

How selfish am I to let her love me?

My hand reaches for my ring finger on my left hand, spinning the band around my finger anxiously. It’s the only ring I wear anymore, her promise ring. My eyes flicker to the dainty jewelry on her same hand, a small opal stone that glitters even in the dark of our bedroom. My promise to her, my declaration of intention, my selfishness manifested in a silver ring she wears around her perfect finger. What was I thinking, tying her to me? Tying her to all of my baggage and bullshit and bad decisions.

I open my eyes, unsure of when I squeezed them shut in the first place. I take her in like it might be the last time, all of my thoughts coming to one unholy fruition at once. I’m damned, indebted, undeserving of the perfect future I imagine when I look into her eyes and dream about a life of our own. There are no white picket fences and kids playing in the backyard for people like me, for people who are indebted, for people who have destruction following their every move and obstructing everything in their path.

I don’t know when the tears in my eyes start to pool or when they start to cascade down my cheeks, I only feel the tiny droplets hit my skin, sliding down my arm as I cup her cheek in my hand for what I know is the last time. I try to memorize it all, the feeling of her skin and the dusting of freckles across it, the indentations of the dimples in her back and the rhythm to which she breathes through her nose as she sleeps.

No amount of time in the world would be enough for me to jot everything down, to take note of everything there is to know about her. No amount of pen and paper could contain the nuances and mannerisms and everything else I want to, no, I need to remember.

I bite my lip as I untangle myself from her, my body aching for the feeling of her skin against mine. I stand from the bed, hastily wiping the angry tears from my eyes and quickly grab the notebook on my desk from her French class. I search everywhere for a pen, finally coming across one in my work bag and I start to write, the tears coming faster the more words I see appearing across the page. My mind is somewhere else as my hand works furiously, writing as much as I can to say what I need, though I know that no amount of words could communicate the splitting feeling in my chest.

I feel myself backing out. I feel my fingers itching to take the paper in my hands and crumple it with as much force as I can muster. I could shred it into a million pieces right now and forget that I ever had the crazy idea of leaving her, but I look over my shoulder to her one last time and bite my hand to keep quiet instead. My teeth dig into my callused skin and I squeeze my eyes shut as the tears blur my vision, making it impossible to finish this goddamn letter.

What do I say? What can I say? How do I tell her that it’s not her, it’s me, it’s always been me? How do I tell her that I’m doing this for her, that this is because I love her, and because she deserves someone, anyone that isn’t me?

I look at her again and every part of me wants to collapse on the bed and shake her awake but I can’t wake her now. I can’t believe it, my entire body shuddering as the pain courses through it, every part of me wanting to scream, to wail, to sob but I can’t. I keep quiet, and I sign my name, and I tell her I love her, no matter what, to the ends of the Earth, and lastly, the most important thing, that if she hadn’t found me, I would’ve found her, and I place it on the night stand beside the bed. I bring my shaking hand to the ring on my finger and slide it off, rolling it between my fingers before setting it on top, and holding back a choking sob. I can’t stare at it, it crushes me, but staring at her is worse.

I debate packing clothes but every part of me wants her to keep them all, every last one of them. Every pair of socks, every shirt, even my favorites. Some selfish and greedy part of me wants her to remember me but nearly every other atom in my body is begging that she forgets me in the morning.

I kneel on the bed, staring at her, this beautiful woman, the only woman who’s ever been for me, and I lean down and kiss her, on her forehead, her favorite. It cracks me, the last whole part of me, the last time my lips will touch her skin. I want to wake her up, I want to tell her to kiss me and tell me she loves me one last time, so I can move on and know that I’m doing this for her, for the best. I’m doing this, so she can move on, so that she can have the white picket fence and the perfect life she so rightly deserves.

This woman deserves the world, and while I can’t give it to her, I intend to make sure that she finds someone who can.

I have to drag myself away from her. My mind tells me that I can stay, that I could lay here in bed beside her forever, but my heart knows the truth. My eyes threaten to dart to the letter as I walk backwards towards the door, my duffle bag thrown over my shoulder. I can’t bring myself to take anymore, it’s all her. I’d rather buy fifty new shirts than pack any of the ones in my closet. My back hits the door behind me and I know that this is as far as I can go before I have to turn around. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks and the craving to wake her up grows stronger. I bite my lip and turn around, trying to focus on the pain inflicted by my teeth instead of the crushing dead weight settling on my chest as I walk back towards the front door.

I turn around one last time as I turn the handle of the front door, my eyes just barely able to settle on her through our bedroom doorway.

“I love you,” I mumble, my voice cracking, “Fuck, I love you so much baby, I promise I do, that’s why I have to do this, this is for you,” I whisper, hardly loud enough for myself to hear, ��God there’s so much I need to say and I can’t tell you, but I need you to move on, please forget about me baby, god please let her forget about me.” I beg, knowing that she can’t hear me.

I turn the handle and push the door open, tearing myself away from her before closing it behind me. It hits me then, all at once, like a tsunami, and I fall to my knees on the concrete stairs just outside our apartment. Our apartment. Our home. Ours.

My chest cavity collapses, the aching feeling spreading throughout my body. I never thought it could hurt like this, a feeling like this. I never thought that love could inflict physical pain but here I am doubled over outside my front door because I ripped my own heart from my chest. It’s agony, absolute agony as I pull myself to my feet and drag myself to my car. I start it up and silence the music around me, the only sounds encompassing me being the ringing in my ears and the screaming coming from my ragged throat. I bang my fists against the steering wheel, cursing any god that will hear me and asking why it had to be me, why couldn’t I have been the one for her?

What have I done to deserve this? This overarching pain, this stabbing ache in my chest, this twisting of my stomach. I already know that as much as I’m praying for her to forget me, I’ll never be able to bring myself to do the same to her. I know that I’ll never forget that fiery girl with the perfectly smart mouth. I’ll never forget the way she likes her coffee or her loopy handwriting, the way my shirts fit her body perfectly or the taste of her mouth on mine. I’ll never forget the way she makes me feel like I’m floating, how she makes me believe I have a chance of being normal and happy, like anything’s possible as long as I’m with her. I’ll never forget the burn that accompanies her each and every touch, the electricity that she sparks in my veins and the tingly feeling that soars through my body every time she kisses me.

No number of cigarettes can give me the high I get from her lips on mine. The energy that rattles my bones when her fingertips brush my skin cannot be met by any amount of adrenaline from any fight, any drive, anything else in the world. There is not a number, not a description, not a single word to truly describe the way she makes me feel and the way she has ruined me.

Damn right she ruined me, and I could not thank her enough.

#harry #harry styles #harry styles au #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #one direction #one direction imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic

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julictcapulet · 5 years

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So if you don’t know, Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) has come upon us, and after a not so great year, I have been lucky enough to still have a group of friends I can turn to when I’m in need, both irl and on this site. Everything is already so long, so I won’t ramble more at the beginning, but all I can say is even if we don’t talk as often, or even if you don’t think you’ve had an impact, just know that I had a very tough year that took a massive toll on me and even if you reblogged something about our ship or replied to one of my posts, that’s enough to give me a bit of happiness. I’m very excited about this, I really am.

part i. to my partners

I’m lucky enough that I have quite a few plots, all of them with partners who I adore and admire and am in awe of, and believe me when I say it wasn’t hard at all to write my own personal letter for each of you <3

@abernathywrites - I don’t think there’s a word to describe your writing other than wonderful? I’ve fallen in love with Sebastian and Bella, my depraved and corrupt murder couple, and I’m so pleased to say I get to write with you knowing just how talented you are. You’ve got a way with words that I just hope to meet halfway, which is one of the reasons it takes me approximately seven thousand years to get a reply, but I enjoy our plot so much knowing how many layers there are to it.

@aguswrites - oh KAY we have two plots together now and I am so invested in both of them like our minds…..are so iconic. I swear, we kinda just yell stuff at each other that don’t make sense or connect and then twenty minutes later, we’ve got this sprawling plot with intricate relationships and amazing muses and I’m so in love with it all. I really didn’t expect it to spiral into the absolute mess that it is—when we were first plotting, I was hoping I’d be lucky to plot with someone who didn’t mind darker plots and oh my gosh, I wasn’t disappointed. You’re one of the funniest people I’ve plotted with but you still write so exceptionally well in a darker setting and I love it so much?? I cannot even begin to explain how much I love our murderous near-sociopathic isolated and tragic children, and our badass criminal would-die-for-each-other-without-question squad. I truly just enjoy chatting with you and sharing memes and writing with someone who has the same kind of excitement as I do, it’s such a wonderful feeling and I hope you know the excitement is reciprocated <3

@arisaint - We’ve literally just started our ship and I am already so excited about it. The time period, the differing personalities, the sCaNdAl…I’m game for it all and what we’ve got so far is just so great, I’m so happy I’ve got such a talented writer to plot with and someone who’s so sweet and nice to talk to about whatever we feel like <3

@bvckywrites - OH BOY can I just say? How much I love our ship?? I think, at this point, we’ve taken the brand Homoerotic Sexual Tension and Subtle Animosity and made it our own. I’ve had so much fun with Sage and Val over the past few months, one of my favorite dynamics I’ve written so far. Every ask meme I write for them kills me more and more with each one I get sent but it’s so effortless to write for them, and that’s one of my favorite things to find and I’m so happy I did :)

@billeypiper - Ah yes, how could I forget the person who gives me literally every single ask meme I want? I love Madelaine and Milena so much, they’re such different muses and that’s why I love our ship. It’s ridiculous how long it takes for me to write one (1) sentence but my interest/love for our girls has never wavered, and I hope you know that <33

@danascullyrps - I’m absolutely so behind on our plots it’s a tragedy wow I promise to get my shit together asap because everything to do with pirates is like…gold for me and I love where we’re going with this.

@grcvitywrites - No, we haven’t yet started our plot, but does that mean I’m any less excited? Absolutely not??? I’m the type of person who’ll get most of their muse from messaging about headcanons and talking about our muse’s backstories and it’s so much fun to do with you :)

@meghvnmvrkles - I owe replies and I’m mad about it because I’ve been so excited about these guys for a while now lmao. Anything to do with secrets being exposed and gossip girl and terrible people doing terrible things to each other is right up my alley and I am so ready to really get into this plot because it’s gonna be such a great time I can’t wait to finally finish them okay ily <3

@of-marauders - I love our ship dynamic so much wow it’s so interesting and heartbreaking and sad and I’m so excited to get to the next bit!! Something with so much worldbuilding and background information is something I’ve never really had before in a plot and it’s a shame because I’m the type of person who likes to know everything about the environment I’m writing in. And that’s why it’s so great that we’ve got a plot going because I’m wholly invested and can’t wait to continue.

@pcralta - My lesbian victorian vampire ex-girlfriends will be the death of me and no, I’m not upset about it at all what do you mean? All the angst and pining that’s going to come with our plot is exactly my cup of tea and even though we’ve, like, just barely started, I already know your writing is great and so is Aurora and so are you <3

@princessflowerwrites - HEY THERE I LOVE YOU AND YOUR WRITING AND YOUR ENTHUSIASM FOR LITERALLY EVERYTHING EVER?? You’ve got this infectious kind of happiness when we message that it’s practically impossible not to catch it, especially when you start sending inspo and headcanons for our ships and it’s so nice to have a partner who’s so into our plots I love it so much. You’re just genuinely a great person who likes to send some good inspo posts and really, that’s something everyone should have on this website because it’s a great thing :’)

@rosecolore-d - I MIGHT CRY WRITING THIS??? Listen. I’ve been through a few different ways of writing this out, but I hope you like what you get because that’s pretty much how I get all my replies out to you lmao. When we first started writing together, I just kept hoping that our ships wouldn’t die out because of how much I loved our plots, our muses, the way our writing styles worked together because they can be so different from one another in one reply and then so similar in another. You’ve evolved my taste in music through your playlists, I’ve both laughed out loud and teared up reading some of your messages and headcanons, I’ve stayed up until 5am sometimes talking back and forth with you and it’s one of my favorite things that have ever come out of this website. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: We stan our couples who sin or we stan no one at all. Aaron, my Soft and Emo songwriter with the biggest inferiority complex I’ve ever seen, and Camille, my manipulative, won’t-have-sex-unless-she-might-die-in-the-middle, evil bitch, are now two of my absolute favorite muses to write. Yeah, it may take me six months to finish an ask meme but it’s literally only because I’m trying to figure out the best way to make you feel the angst and pining as much as I do. I cherish our ships and our friendship okay ily <33

@vii-writes - The first time you ever messaged me was to compliment my writing and honestly, I don’t know if you’ll ever grasp how much that meant to me. I’ve started ships with people through liking their posts or getting the courage to message them first or reaching out after seeing a plot we were both interested in, but I had never had someone reach out to me after they’d read some of my meme responses and wanted to write with me because they liked them. I am so in love with our kids, I’ll go down with Celia and Anthony. I am so happy we started talking and every time I see I have a message from you is a great time <3

part ii. to the ones i admire from afar

If you’re on this list, take this is my formal invitation to come talk/plot with me because I admire you all from afar <3

@fablehaven @ofaphroditea @sidneyyprescott @shutuprhian @chvrliehunnam @maraswrites @faithwritess @stardustmsings @cass1x1 @gothgf-writes @kaylasmuse @slytherin-writes @gortlys @asteriasrp @starswrites @malfoire @sanktas @astral-projects @lanacondorwrites

happy new year.

#had to repost bc tumblr was being a lil bitch with the last one thx #sorry about that #follow forever

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evesbeve · 5 years

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Exactly one year ago, I posted my first Ninjago fanfiction on Tumblr

(Yes, this is one of these big and personal posts, but bear with me for a second ^w^)

I've already talked about how much Ninjago means to me, and what a positive impact it has had on my life, but to celebrate a year into this fandom, I'd like to focus on its community here on Tumblr.

I've always been into Ninjago. In fact, I started watching it back in 2011, when it first came out!

Later on, I discovered fanfiction. It was like a dream come true, to read original stories about my favorite ninja, and to write them myself too! Eventually I began posting them, and I must say... They weren't good XD

But hey, I loved writing them! So I did just that - I kept writing and writing, until... Well, I grew out of Ninjago when I reached 7th grade.

But last year, I decided to rewatch the entire series during Christmas break. It was like falling in love with my favorite ninja all over again.

And who would have thought there would be an active fanbase here on Tumblr?

I remember scrolling down the tag and smiling at every single artwork and piece of fanfic (+ memes, of course. Who can forget about memes?) that I found.

(And bruh, discovering bruiseshipping? Holy FSM, that was truly a Christmas miracle.)

On December 28th of 2017, I made my first Ninjago Vocal Cover.

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The feedback I got was incredible. I had never, ever received such positive comments before, and the encouragement to do more helped me get out of the bad mental state I was in.

So I got writing again.

If I was going to post Ninjago, I was going to post Pixane.

So I did do that, and on January 1st of 2018, I posted my first Ninjago fanfiction in years.

Did I post it as soon as I finished it? Yes!

Had I beta-ed it? ... No...?

It was still a huge step for me though! Once that story was up, I was on freaking fire.

To make you understand, I published a total of 30 Ninjago related stories (and that was just the stuff I made public!)

I have never produced this much content before!

If that wasn't enough, I picked up my YouTube channel again, occasionally made some art, and heck, somehow I got motivated to clean up my room to make space for LEGOs.

I even had the pleasure of hosting a collaborative project with around 30 people! (Yes, the new one is on the way, we're all still working on it :D)

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Suddenly I was motivated to do stuff, I wasn't sad all the time, I made new friends!

All that is because of YOU.

I'm just a random girl from Greece that happens to like a bunch of LEGO ninja. Yet, you've treated me with so much kindness, and made me feel like so much more than that.

I'm not oblivious to the fact that I am known inside this fanbase. I just want to make sure you know that you made my voice loud.

And for that, I am greatful.

I am greatful for the joy you've given me, and the memories I was able to make because of you.

I've always wanted this blog to be a place of positivity. It makes me so incredibly happy that you can seek to it to get away from everything else, that it makes you happy.

This blog, is our blog.

So I'd like to take a moment to personally thank a few people from this community that played an important role in my life in 2018. If you don't want to go through a big thank you list, that is totally understandable, so I'll put it under the cut. To those of you who are leaving this post now,

Happy New Year!

Before I start, I'd like to say that it would be impossible to include every single person I know into one post. If you're not in here but you're still relatively active, chances are I don't know you personally (but I have probably noticed you!) OR I accidentally forgot to include you, in which case I'M SO SORRY, AAAA!

Without any further ado!

Thank you @diamantdrache, for drawing me like three times without me even asking, holy crap ;w; You're so amazing dude, I'm always happy to see you around. Keep being awesome!

Thank you to @strawberryhipster and @kunoichi-of-fangirling for always screaming with me about Pixane!

Thank you @i-am-the-bluejay for making me laugh through your amazing bruise fanfics! They never failed to cheer me up :D

A special thanks to @parachutingkitten, for, gosh, everything. Discovered your fanfics during a very hard time, and trying to solve the mystery behind them kept me going. You're so kind and sweet to me all the time, and I'm so happy we ran into each other!

Huge thanks to @volzorra for dropping by my inbox to tell me the randomest of things! I adore everything you do, keep it up!! :D

Thanks to @panwitha-plan, @purplerose244, @monstriframinerva and @ninjago-rewritten for making me giggle whenever you pop up in my feed and notifications! You guys rock 💜

A big one to @ninjakitten1699 for coming up with such amazing scenarios featuring the one true mastermind of Ninjago - Dr. Kitty Saunders! Not only that, but somehow you always remember what stuff I like, and tag me in funny posts (and angst bc I live for that) and making my day! Thank you so much for everything!

Thank you @coco-jaguar for being a mom to all of us in the fandom, and organising such cool events like the Secret Santa!

Thanks to @loud-quiet-and-fragile for going through 100 of my posts at once and commenting at every single one! You're just so fun to be around, and my mood instantly improves when I see you!

You knew it was coming, @nightlybirdie! Thank you, for always responding to my yelling about your art, and for yelling on my content as well! You're one of the sweetest people I know, I'm seriously so happy we met!

Thank you to @kara-is-so-ninja!! For not only having such an amazing AU, but for spreading joy everywhere you go! I admire your work so freaking much, but I admire you as a person even more. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face 💜

Thank you @ninjagojed, for being so easy and fun to talk to! I enjoy your company to death!

HUGE THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL DAUGHTER @lindsey-chr-not-found!! I've known you for so long and, its amazing we found each other again! Thanks for screaming to me about our ideas, and, well, for letting me adopt you XD

A big thanks to @echojulien for being such a supportive friend, and always there when I'm in need of our boy Echo!! :D

This is where it starts to get really difficult to fit things into a single paragraph...

To @hottchoco, who is basically one of the reasons I started shipping bruise in the first place, thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for being that one person that is somehow into all of my fandoms at once, and screaming to me in random about them. Thank you for, even though we have different tastes sometimes, being respectful no matter what. Thank you, for being my shoulder to cry on when I need it. Thanks for everything dude :D 💜

Thank you @spinharmony, for creating a server where I made such amazing friends, and for BEING one of those amazing friends. It's so easy to talk to you about anything. You're always there, whether it's screaming about our misunderstood favorite characters, or talking about our problems. Thank you so much for just being there. I am so lucky to be able to call you my friend 💜

Thank you @hollsheadcanons!! You were one of the first people I met in this fandom, and definitely someone I was comfortable with since day one. We spend so much time just meming and yelling, that I literally feel like there's nothing to be afraid of when I'm with you. You make all my problems disappear, but you're also here to comfort me when I'm in need of hugs. Words are not enough to describe how much you mean to me. You're one of my best friends in the entire world, and for that, I thank you. Love you so much Holls!!💜

And finally, @clumsinessinperson and @ninjagoruinedmylife. You two, it feels wrong to talk about you separatedly because we're always together! I don't even know where to begin with you guys, I just love you so freaking much. No matter how upset I am, you always lift me up. You're so understanding of how I feel, and I know I can always count on you for anything. I just can't believe how close we are, and how many things we've created and been through together. I want you to know that you mean the world to me, and I love you so much. Thank you for being my friends. I love you 💜

To everyone reading this, regardless of being in my list or not, thank you so much for being part of my year, and for being part of my life. Thank you for everything 💜

#evelina nonesense #ninjago #personal

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nathansha1803 · 5 years

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Meant To Be

Genre : high school!au, soulmate!au, romance, fluff

Pairing : lucas x jungwoo (hints of mark x haechan)

Word count : 2k

Summary : inspired by this

Warning : swear words

Author’s note : Hi there! It’s been a long time since I’ve wrote my last fanfic. And this is my first ever NCT fanfic. I’m so sorry if there are any mistakes since English is not my first language. I hope you enjoy this cringy fanfic!

“HOLY SHIT I’M LATE!”

First day of school. And Wong Yukhei, or Huang Xuxi, who goes by Lucas, is late for school.

Well not first day of school actually. It’s actually his first day on Neo Culture Technology Academy of Performing Arts. Quite a long name for a school. But this one is a no joke. Neo Culture Technology Academy of Performing Arts is one of the prestigious arts high school. Every kids around the world who wants to be a successful musician know that being a student at this particular school would give them some kind of privilege that will secure their future.

Neo Culture Technology Academy of Performing Arts, or know by its acronym, NCT Academy, held a global audition for new students every year. That looks easy, but jokes on you. This audition is probably one of the hardest things to be passed in this world. Many kids failed on this process.

Not only that, this academy even had this ‘training’ session to ensure that only the best kids got enroll to the academy. This training usually takes about a year or shorter. If you do your best, congrats. But sometimes there are kids who dropped out of this session.

Knowing this, you might probably think that Lucas did some amazing things to be enrolled in this school.

Fun fact: he didn’t

Lucas was doing poor during his middle school. He wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. He didn’t know what he wanted to be when he grow up.

This self proclaimed Justin Bieber look alike is failing in every class at his school. His parents, even though disappointed, afraid of their son of not having a future, they supported Lucas through up-downs, and let Lucas to be anything what he want, as long as it is not illegal.

One day, he saw this article about NCT Academy and the global audition they are having in his hometown, Hong Kong. Looking at it, he thought “Why not?”. He thinks that this audition as a one time experience. No hard feelings, no high hopes. Just do it.

He didn’t have any preparation. When he came to the audition place, everyone was practicing their moves, doing some vocal warm up, practicing high notes, and stuff like that.

The fact that he just struck 3 model poses and passed the audition, everyone was so shocked. No exception to him. He was happy, but some of the other competitors didn’t.

Everyone seemed so nice to him. But in his back, those who envied him talked shit. Lucas, being the happy-go-lucky self, didn’t knew this. Lucas is just that kind of kid who just get along with everyone. Until one day he accidentally eavesdrop a conversation, which kind of broke his heart a little. Since then, he started to train hard, becoming a rapper, and also learn Korean language, proving that he is not just ‘a talentless visual’.

Back to current state. Lucas, who just finished his 30-minutes-morning-routine-squished-into-3-minutes. Struggling to put on his uniform while still dripping wet, ran quickly straight out of his room in the dormitory.

He was too busy too realized that a small, inked words of ‘Uh, hi?’, formed on his forehand.

***

“Where the hell is he?”

6 teenagers, sitting in a circle in the multipurpose room. They’ve been waiting for their new teammate for about an hour.

“God, this is our first meeting for out first project, and the new kid is late?” The black hair kid whined as he stretched his arms

“Calm down Doyoung, he could show up in any minute. Besides, what if he’s already up, but he’s just to scared to meet us?” The redhead with slit eyebrows calmed his friend down, patting his back as he cool down.

“I don’t think so,” one the kids, the blonde one, argued. “He’s been snoring since I left our room”

“I couldn’t wait any longer!”, Doyoung shouted. “He should have wake up earlier knowing the fact that it is his first day! And also his first project meeting! This is so unprofessional! This is unacceptable!”

“Hey hey hey,” a guy, with strawberry blonde hair, replied to him. “Why don’t you walk down with Jaehyun-hyung for coffee, you know, cool down for a little bit?”

“Your not angry just because you are also late like him, Mark! I entered the room since 6 a.m. knowing damn well that this a big project and we are meeting our new member!”

“Hey I’m not late! Donghyuck needed some help with this homework so I had to stop by his room. And I also brought Jaehyun-hyung with us!”

“Back again with the ‘boyfriend’ excuses”

“He’s not my boyfriend!”

“EVERYONE IN SCHOOL KNOWS THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE A COUPLE!”

“God what did I just signed up for” Taeyong, the redhead, facepalmed.

Mark and Doyoung started to argue, not realizing that Jungwoo, is hissing in pain holding his right arm, thinking that it would lessen the pain

“CAN YOU JUST STOP ARGUIN-WHAT IS IT JUNGWOO? WHY ARE YOU HOLDING YOUR ARM!?” Jaehyun tried to break down the argument, until he looked up to his younger mate, in pain.

Taeyong, being the mama good leader he is, quickly get up to check on his junior

“Hold up, wait, is that a, is that a soulmate tattoo!?”

“Wow, that’s quite a long one…”

Everyone gathered around Jungwoo. The poor kid knows that his friends are quite curious about it. He let go his grip and take a better look at this mystical weird stuff

Soulmate tattoo isn’t quite common. Sure, there are tons of stories about them. But it only happened like once in a while. They are very rare, but it actually exist in this logical word. This means that they are actually destined to be each other.

Or to be simplified, they are meant to be.

They usually are their first word for each other. But, the case is quite different from this.

Jungwoo’s arm, still red and stings, is now full with small words, that makes up to a full paragraph. Everyone is just staring at it. Mixed feelings, between shock, confused, amazed to witness such rare occasion, or just simply shook.

Jungwoo, full name Kim Jungwoo, is one of the best student in NCT Academy. Besides a global audition, NCT Academy also held their infamous weekly audition, dubbed “Saturday Auditions”. Everyone who passed this audition, will instantly become a student, and also won a full scholarship throughout their studies in NCT Academy. But again, everything comes with a price.

This audition is probably something that is impossible to pass, much harder than their global one. The one who could actually pass this would instantly become famous, even before starting school. Yet Jungwoo pass this with flying colours.

Not only that, Jungwoo has a damn great visual. His smile could probably make everyone instantly whipped for him. From young to old, no one can resist his sweet smile. His personality, also submits a great fact that this person is just straight up a big ball of uwu. The way he talk and sings, that soft voice, adds up another reason. And he just gets along with everyone, not afraid of skinship.

He’s probably the softest thing in this world that we need to protect from this bad, cruel world.

“Hey are we just gonna stare up at Jungwoo while he is in pain and we haven’t even start our meeting yet?” Doyoung, crossing his arms, quickly snapped everyone to reality.

“Ah about that, leave it to me. I’ll bring an ice pack from the kitchen,” Mark stood up from his position. Just as he about to leave, Jaehyun spoked, “Donghyuck is probably with the dreamies, he’s not having breakfast at this time”

Mark blushed, everyone laughed, knowing damn well that this boy is just trying to steal some time with his boo. It is obvious that him and Donghyuck, nickname Haechan, is a thing. Everyone in the school can see that they are madly in love.

They’re laugh suddenly stop until Doyoung started to talk again, “Leadernim, why don’t you get the first aid kit and treat this guy?”

Taeyong, still concerned at his junior, stood up and was about to leave, trying to help the poor kid. “Yeah, Jungwoo, stay here with Mark, Doyoung, and Winwin. Me and Jaehyun will go out to take the first aid kit and probably some snack. This meeting could actually take a while.”

“Ah, it okay hyung. Let me just do it myself! I’ll go to the infirmary by myself,” Guilty of the kindness of his senior, Jungwoo didn’t want to bother them. He feels that it’s probably better if he just do it by himself.

“Are you sure? You are still in pain, let Taeyong-hyung and Jaehyun do it for you,” Winwin tapped Jungwoo’s shoulder, trying to stop him.

“It’s just stinging pain, it’s not like a I broke a bone or fall from the 5th floor. I’ll just go to the infirmary and kitchen to take some bandage and ice. It’ll be fine!” Jungwoo assured his senior.

Jungwoo never made it to the infirmary.

He didn’t even get to leave the room.

Just as he about to open the door, a wild Lucas appeared slammed the door open, slapping Jungwoo’s face and also sends him flying to the other side of the room.

“I’M SO SORRY I’M LATE! OH MY GOSH THERE IS A PERSON! I’M SO SORRY! MY NAME IS WONG YUKHEI OR HUANG XUXI YOU CAN CALL ME LUCAS! DID I HURT YOU? OF COURSE I DID IT! I’M SORRY I’LL PAY THE HOSPITAL BILLS! PLEASE YOU CAN HURT ME BACK JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU FORGIVE ME! OH MY GOSH THIS IS MY FRIST DAY AND I ALREADY MADE TROUBLE EVERYONE WILL HATE ME! ALSO MY KOREAN IS BAD DON’T AT ME! I’M SO SORRY LAST NIGHT I COULDN’T SLEEP BECAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT MY FIRST DAY IN NCT ACADEMY! I MAY PROBABLY LOOK AMATEUR I ACTUALLY AUDITION WITH MODEL POSES I DON’T KNOW WHY THEY ACCCEPTED ME AND JUST TALENTLESS VISUAL BUT I TRAINED HARD SO I CAN BE HERE PLEASE DON’T JUDGE ME I’LL WORK HARD I HOPE WE CAN WORK TOGETHER!”

Everyone, who was still recovering from Jungwoo’s tattoo, now is having another PTSD after Lucas’s enter to the room.

Nobody talked. Horrified, shook, no words can escape their mouth.

Taeyong, mentally and physically facepalming, questioned himself why he actually wanted to enroll in this school where everyone shares the same braincell including him.

Jaehyun, grateful for Jungwoo’s guilty as he will not get hit by Lucas

Doyoung, stands stiff, suffers from second-hand embarrassment.

Mark, hoping he would get a same age friend, suddenly regrets his wish.

Winwin, calmly watches the drama.

While Jungwoo tried to get up, he realized that the boy’s word is the one that was marked on his hand just right before this incident happened. Jungwoo looked up to Lucas’s eyes, shocked that his meant to be soulmate, is right in front of him. Right now.

Lucas, guilty of what just happened, kneeled down, giving his right hand to his victim, trying to lift him. “Are you okay?”. Jungwoo look to his eyes, he immediately blurted out, “Uh, hi?”.

Lucas finally noticed why his hand stings. He saw his hands, read the small serif font word on his hand. His eyes immediately lit up. He look to Jungwoo. “This, this, this could not be-ah I’m so sorry”

Jungwoo saw the nervousness and guilt on his face, he just smiled. Ah he’s kinda cute.

“It’s okay. I’m Jungwoo. You must be Xuxi.”

Lucas blushed hard. What did I do to deserve this cinnamon roll.

“Ah yes,” Lucas brushed his hair, trying to hide his flushed face out of embarrassment. “I must be so embarrassing, am I?”

“People make mistake, that’s normal,” Jungwoo tucked some of Lucas’s hair behind his ear. This doesn’t help Lucas as his face turned much more red.

“Ahem, I’m sorry to interrupt your destined meeting, but please, get a room. And also, we have a meeting for our first big project,” The other five stand in unison, breaking their moment.

Jungwoo and Lucas looked up to them, still embarrassed, laughed out.

“Hey, you might be new, but it’s okay, we’ll take care of you!” Jungwoo reached out his right arm to Lucas. Lucas, realizing that his days are gonna be much better, grabbed his arm and smiled.

“Yeah, especially when my ‘meant to be’ is next to me”

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #lucas #wong yukhei #huang xuxi #jungwoo #kim jungwoo #luwoo #nct luwoo #woocas #nct imagines

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