#but i didnt colour or straighten it for a good long while and it did help

[faunandfloraas]

No but actually coming from someone with fine wavy/curly hair who had some hair loss and lots of issue I really and truly wish I could sit down and talk with Chan because he really needs someone who understands curly hair to get him some products and show him what to do and he also needs to stop using heat. Like no straightening. No hair drying. Or at least very sparsely.

#like i think the reason it makes me so Eye twitch is bc I've been in a very similar spot #i get it. i loved straightening my hair loved colouring it too #but i didnt colour or straighten it for a good long while and it did help #didnt cure me! but it did help. #and my hair got back to the spot where i could colour it again without as much issue #and mind you i do sometimes curl my hair or blow dry it for special occasions like im not a be all end all never do anything to it again #person. honestly thats why so many methods and stuff always put me off bc they were so dramatically like NEVER DO A SINGLE FUN THING AGAIN #but with him it'd be interesting to see 6 months with no colouring (including black! black is better than bleach but it still damages!) #and especially no straightening/blow drying etc. #i think that would really help determine if those are the things causing trouble or if its something else #bc hormones and stuff can also do it #like at the end of the day i think hes lovely but its p clear his hair is something that bothers him and idk #i would like to see him get to the point where it isnt as much of an issue #also still ascertain he'd look good with it short but thats just me #anyway Woah long tangent Sorry #its all said with love #also he doesnt have super tight curls like my dad had Tight curls #but his are def more soft/loose so thats a factor too

[wizkiddx]

I would for sure read a continuation of the birth photographer fic if you feel comfortable writing it/have time! Xx

a/n sorry I kinda combined these two together, I hope this is okay!! sorry ive taken so long too!! my requests are still open, just going a bit slowly :)

summary: literally just birth + harry

dad!tom x reader

warnings: childbirth, mentions of fainting, squint for suggestiveness too

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Your doing so good darling, just keep breathin’ like that for me, in-out-in-out”

That had pretty much been the soundtrack to your last 3 hours. And yes it was MORE annoying than it sounds. Of course, that’s also ignoring the insane amount of pain your uterus was putting you through - as it spasmed while the little bug in there was wriggling away. Giving birth was not easy but giving birth with a husband-turned-midwife wittering away in your ear? Un-fucking-bearable. 

“Tom…. I love you but..” Everything had really been starting to ramp up in the last half an hour, you were a panting sweaty mess now. “Please… SHUT THE FUCK UP” Tom would’ve recoiled completely away from the bed because of your tone, if it wasn’t for the absolute death grip you had his right hand in. Instead,  Tom settled for straightening straight up and staring helplessly and dejectedly across the room at his brother - who of course was trying to hold back laughter, knowing it would be very easy for you to switch your target to him. 

Clearly it wasn’t a social call to the hospital, Harry was here under the premise of taking photos when the baby arrives for Tom;  but really to stop his brother from having his own breakdown - as commissioned by you. Lets just say, however scared and mortified Harry was of this ‘event’ he was taking a lot of enjoyment from how his brother was acting currently. 

“It’s okay sir, if you were pushing a watermelon out of hole that normally was the size of a whiteboard marker, I’m sure you’d be a bit tetchy too.” That lady was your favourite midwife and in a lull between the sets of contractions, you actually managed a laugh. Wide-eyed, Tom just nodded jerkily, murmuring some sort of agreement. It was at this point a flash of light reverberated around the whole room, causing you to breathlessly laugh, Harry’s face informing you the picture he just got of Tom was priceless. 

The laughter didn’t last long though, the next contraction had you bearing down on the bed, face contorted in pain as you sucked desperately on the gas and air tube. 

“Okay Y/n I think we might be getting there, let me call the senior midwifes in okay?” The midwife had your legs hiked apart, a blanket attempting to cover your modesty - but at this point she was basically sticking her face in your noon. Modesty was out the window. 

“Already?” Tom was shocked to say the least, from all his reading and research he’d learnt that the average labour time was more like 5 hours. Lets just say, Tom never exceled in school, never much enjoyed reading - which made the hours of highlighting baby books and pregnancy leaflets all the more extraordinary. 

“Babies don’t stick to the script sir.” You could tell she was proud of the pun there, because you know, Tom’s a moviestar. “Professional improvisers, the lot of them.” 

The cream walls of the hospital room very quickly filled with more and more people - Harry staying like a fly on the wall, now nervously biting his nails as he watched an obscene amount of medical people all take their turn oggling his sister-in-law’s bits. This was a weird ass situation. 

Almost immediately it was at the point the midwifes were telling you to push, which after 9 months of holding a baby in (as well as your ill functioning bladder) sounded like an absolute dream. But it was also absolutely terrifying and exciting and horrifying all wrapped in one. Naturally then, after nodding hesitantly at the midwife between your legs, you’d craned your neck across to tom .You might’ve just told him off, for trying to encourage you, but now? You needed his encouragement. 

What met you though, was his face completely drained of colour, mouth hanging slightly open as he hadn’t moved - still staring intently at the midwife. She followed your gaze, only taking half a second to survey the situation before knowingly smiling. 

“Can we get a bit of help for dad please?” Immediately one of the more junior looking midwives was directing (pushing) Tom into the chair next to the floor. Suddenly actually concerned, you looked with wide eyes to the lady between your legs, who you felt bad for not remembering her name. With a comforting squeeze of your ankle she reassured you he’d be right as rain after a few moments of having his head between his knees. Also sensing you needed your support, she arched up, beckoning over to Harry who had an equally bemused look on his face. 

“No - I-um I’m not.” His squeaking protests were interrupted by a large scream on your part, as another contraction tore through your body. Helplessly Harry glanced between Tom, who was still hunched over on a chair with a nurse squatted infront of him; and you, writhing around on the mechanical bed. He didn’t hesitate then, in jumping right to your side, allowing you to start crushing all the bones in his hand too. 

And then it was all happening, a blur of activity and screams. It didnt take long for Tom to pull himself together and then you were flanked on both sides by Holland boys - both giving cheesy encouraging words (which you would’ve again told them to shut the fuck up for, if you’d been able to), Tom also stroking the top of your head. He found it pretty impossible, watching the woman that he loved go through such immense pain - especially when he was technically half the cause. Well… actually more that that, it had been him who had been… well shall we say *needy* those nine months ago. 

“Okay Y/n the heads crowning, I know you’re tired but we need a few more big pushes, can you do that for me?” 

Merely 5 minutes later and the most beautiful sound in the world echoed through the 4 creams walls. You were absolutely spent, eyes closed as you panted, knowing tears were flooding down your face too. Immediately though, familiar hands cupped both sides of your face, a forehead resting on yours. 

“You did it Y/n/n.” His eyes were glassy, watering and red and the way he scoffed a smile in disbelief had you mirroring him exactly.

“We did it.” Your voice was hoarse and scratchy from all the yells of pain but it didnt matter. The midwife calling you by the name ‘mum and dad’ got both of your attention, a title you’d no doubt start getting used to. 

“Meet your beautiful baby girl.” Another choked sob escaped your throat, as  this little roughly wrapped up pink alien looking thing was placed onto your chest. Both you and Tom just gazed at her, completely transfixed at the way she wriggled her head slightly, nuzzling into your chest. Tom gently hovered his palm against her little head, while you pressed down the blanket gently, just so you could see all her features. 

Then a flash echoed around the otherwise silent room, making you all look up to Harry who was gritting his teeth in apology. “Do mum and dad want to smile for the camera?” The question was posed so hesitantly and quietly, really it wasn’t funny either. That didn’t stop you and Tom both pulling out the biggest grins and chuckling away, allowing Harry to capture the perfect moment. Being referred to as mum and dad - it was bloody comical. 

“You gonna tell me her name now?”  You looked from Harry to Tom, nodding in approval for him to spill the beans. 

“Amber. She’s Amber.”

You’d squabbled for months before ending on Amber. It had been a long relentless process, Tom claiming that your baby might just have ended up as ‘as yet untitled’ which you and your hormonal state had stormed out at. It hadn’t taken much to forgive it though, Tom had long since worked out that Ben and Jerrys was the way to your heart. 

The nurses took Amber back to do some tests, properly cleaning both you and her up and after that everything was weirdly calm. Harry had left to give the twothree of you a moment alone and Tom was about to do his turn of skin to skin. 

“This really is it isn’t it?” He murmured, whilst carefully scooping Amber from your arms. 

“Mhmmm… your stuck with two girls who’ll go psycho on you without a moments notice.” He seemed to accept it though, just nodding in response. 

“And I still can’t bloody wait.” His eyes penetrating deep into you, had you blushing like a nervous teenage girl. “ ‘m still so proud of you, you grew this little human.”

“Your not allowed to call her little because you didnt have the ‘little’ thing rip your insides apart.”

“Hey! I’m upset about it too! Was like I had to watch my favourite pub being burnt down.” Of course, trust Tom to make a dirty joke at a time like this.

“Don’t kid yourself, you weren’t watching, too busy fainting.”

“I didn’t actually faint!” This time he protested a bit too loudly, causing Amber to mewl a little and bury her head into the crook of her Dads arm. “I think Ambers just told you to shut it too.”

“You annoy the hell out of…” Your grumbling was interrupted by an impressive, ear-splitting yawn. “ You annoy the hell out of me.”

“But you love me?” He sing-songed, now back to a hushed tone. 

“I hope so, otherwise we’re in a bit of trouble.” He scoffed, but nodded his head, taking the hand that wasn’t cradling Amber to tuck some sweaty, knotted strands of hair behind your ear. 

“I do owe Harry though, he was at least able to stay on his feet.”

“He was a better birthing partner than you too, much much less condescending and annoying.” You sniggered, making Tom pout once again, only wiping the look off his face when you yawned again, rubbing an your eye like a toddler would. 

“If your done insulting me… get some rest love, I got you.” All you did was nod, with a small groan (because below your waist still hurt like a bitch) rolled over so you could fall asleep to sight of the two of them. 

“Got you both, my two beautiful girls.”

hope you enjoyed, would love to hear any thoughts <3

taglist: @hollandfanficlove @hallecarey1

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland fluff #Tom Holland blurb #dad!tom #tom holland imagine #harry holland

[prongssmrrcury]

a very bleak christmas

wolfstar fic /// one shot

word count ( 6.2k ITS LONG SORRY)

fluff, not much smut

this turned out awfully long IM SORRY😭 having that said i hope you enjoy <33 ily mwahh

"you ready wormy?" james said, shutting his trunk and looking at his bed and around the dormitory to make sure hasnt forgotten anything. he looked over at the shorter boy with sandy coloured hair who was bending down apparently trying to get something he dropped from under the bed, but struggling a great deal. he nervously shot his head up giving james a weak smile and said "yes, im ready, i just dropped something here im not sure what-"

"just tell moony to fetch it for you while we're away" james said and peter just agreed and left the dormitory trailing after james with his trunk, shutting the door on his way. the gryffindor common room was emptier than usual, but the fireplace was lit with a couple of people huddling around it to shield themselves from the ruthless cold of december. despite this however, peoples spirits were as light as ever as almost everyone was departing for two weeks to spend christmas with their families, even lily evans stopped rolling her eyes every time james breathed, and started spending more time with him and ( to james' great delight) enjoying his company. speaking of lily, she was standing by the fireplace with her hair up in a ponytail with a furry winter cap on her head. james noticed her at once and made his way down the flight of stairs and tapped her shoulder softly, she turned around and gave him a warm smile, a short hug followed.

"happy holidays james!" she smiled so widely it watered james' eye. she called him james, not potter.

"happy holidays" he managed to respond, taken aback by the sudden affection she just showed him. she looked around furrowing her brows slightly then spoke, "wheres your trunk? have you not packed?"

"oh no i have! i left my trunk with peter to um, you know, come and say hi" he said the second part of the sentence quietly, she let out a soft laugh, god he just wanted to kiss her so bad. "wheres yours?" he asked quickly. she turned around slightly to show him her trunk which was standing behind her, tapping it twice.

"alright then, lets go down to breakfast, minnie wouldnt want us to be late" he told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the common room with him. he looked back at peter who was struggling with his own trunk and james' but peter just shot him a thumbs up as if he got everything under control.

"alright wormy, dont be late" he muttered. the pair of them walked down from the gryffindor tower to the entrance hall and right to the great hall where elaborate christmas decorations were encapsulating the place, giving the entire castle a more homey vibe. the four house tables were emptier than usual, james and lily made their way to the gryffindor table where they were met by a handsome boy with long hair that he managed to scruff in a very messy pony tail, and a taller boy sitting across him who seemed to find his buttering his toast to be a very intriguing activity. lily and james took seats next to them.

"morning" sirius spoke, looking at lily then at james.

"morning sirius, how are you" lily replied, who also began buttering her toast. sirius didnt respond right away, instead he eyed her then finally spoke, "oh im, im very good" it didnt really seem like it, sirius didnt seem to be in his loud, arrogant and flirtatious mood today, instead a rather dull and quiet one. lily looked at james silently trying to understand what had caused the sudden change in sirius behavior, she was met a mere shrug from james. the four of them sat in silence for the next ten minutes, no one breaking silence that seemed to have swallowed them. remus then looked up for the first time and sighed loudly, which made sirius look very attentively at him, waiting for him to say anything.

"im gonna go, im in the dorm if you want me pads. enjoy your holidays james, you too lily" he said lowly, also clearly in a dull mood in contrast to everyones mood right now. he got up and left, shooting them a weak smile before disappearing out of the great hall.

sirius watched him so closely even when he had gotten out of sight. it was common knowledge that the pair are in love and clearly fancied each other, almost everyone in school knew that. maybe its because of sirius' shameless attitude, cuddling with remus in the common room, sitting on his lap in the middle of the great hall, or pushing remus against a wall and just stand in front of him doing god knows what. the only problem was... neither sirius nor remus knew they liked each other. they obviously knew they had a different relationship than anyone else but they were so oblivious to the fact that theyre in love that it sometimes made james just want to scream it in their face.

"you okay pads?" james said mockingly, sirius had been staring at where remus left for at least ten minutes completely transfixed, he came back to his senses at once and looking abruptly between james and lily then back at his doughnut, fiddling with it slightly. he then shot james an alarmed look and said, "dont call me that james". he spoke so firmly, he knew james knew this is what remus calls him. no one was really allowed to use that nickname with him, even he and james who had a light hearted friendship that was basically based on jokes and pranks, sirius pronounced the words looking into james' eyes, which made james know he was being one hundred percent serious. james didnt respond, feeling a rush of guilt in his stomach, he just took a bite of his oatmeal.

"how are things with you two" james asked. sirius once again didnt respond right away but instead took time to ponder his answer.

"what do you mean how are things"

"you know, have you guys had a row or anything?" james asked, stuffing more oatmeal in his mouth.

"oh- um yea no. not really no" sirius hesitated a bit. the truth is that remus and him didnt have a row, but today was one of these occasions where sirius woke up finding himself on remus' bed not knowing how or why. it had happened a couple of times before and when it did, remus would immediately smile warmly at sirius and pamper him with kisses here and there on his cheek and his jaw. however, today, remus woke up a bit more shaky to the fact that he was in the same bed as sirius. he straightened his pyjamas quickly giving sirius an awkward smile and leaving without a word.

james dropped his oatmeal and looked at sirius looking serious for the first time, giving him a smile that carried something between sympathy and support.

"are you ever going to tell him?"

"tell him what" sirius said bluntly

james smirked. even lily suppressed a knowing look. sirius rolled his eyes.

"you guys are not onto that bullshit the whole school talks about right?" he asked cringing slightly.

"if the bullshit includes you and remus being blindly in love then yes" james gave a small laugh.

"literally blindly" lily mumbled, but sirius heard her and gave her a look.

"guys- hes my best mate"

"doing a lot of canoodling with your 'best mate' ?" james smirked rolling his eyes.

"first of all, what the fuck is canoodling james, this isnt the eighteenth century" he ppinted out the weird choice of wording.

"whatever, point is, people dont sleep on their 'best mates' chests every day padfoot" sirius opened his mouth to protest but james cut him again "just save your breath will you. im trying to help"

sirius sighed heavily burying his head in his hands and shaking it.

"i dont fucking know what to do prongs. fuck ugh i hate this so much why cant it be simpler" sirius' voice got weaker.

"mate just talk to him, remus cant read your mind. and its pretty obvious the feelings mutual" james tried to convince him.

"i dont know if hes into- you know, into me" sirius tried to explain. sirius had come out to the entire school three years ago so it was common knowledge that was gay.

"oh he is" lily said

sirius blinked.

"i mean, i spend a lot of time with him in our prefects meetings and in the library and stuff" she explained. sirius blinked again.

"i mean" she began again, "he talks about you an awful lot and seems to be quite fond of you" she smiled.

"look, you'll never know if you dont ask" james said again. "look at me, i had to ask lily out at least fifteen times-"

"james what the fuck this isnt the same, why are you even comparing it" sirius interrupted

"oh of course its not the same, but communication is key, no matter what the relationship is"

"yea and when i ask him out and he just says i misunderstood all his soft affectionate gestures, then stops hanging out with me because im gay and he would know i have feelings for him, that clearly arent mutual. i'll just ruin everything, and i'll lose probably the only person that likes me in this lousy world" sirius spilled, laughing bitterly.

"sirius! you know remus would never stop hanging out with you because of that, you know it!" james said, his voice getting a bit louder.

"yea but it'd be a sticky situation when your gay friend has feelings for you" sirius said, his eyes filled with tears that he wiped right away hoping james and lily didnt see that.

"sirius.." lily said lowly

"lily can you please check up on peter and help him if needs any assistance" james told her firmly, she didnt need telling twice, knowing he wanted to be left alone with sirius. she made her way out of the great hall until she was out of sight, then james look at sirius again who had his head buried in his hands once again.

"sirius i dont know whats gotten into you today, but you know damn well that neither moony or i would ever think of you any differently because you're gay. stop saying that as if its something that hinders you" this was one of the rare occasions where james was serious and firm. he wanted sirius to know meant every word that left his mouth. at this moment he heard a sniff followed by a weak sob.

"james, i sometimes wish i wanst- wasnt, you know, gay" he managed to say between sobs. james' face fell suddenly.

"no dont say that. please dont say that, you know we love you the way you are and we dont give two damns if you're gay or not" james got up and made his way across the table to sit next to sirius rather than in front of him.

"you're me best mate, i dont like seeing you like this. i love you a lot sirius and nothing your little overthinking brain comes up with could change that" he said, pulling sirius into a hug, so hard that he mightve broken a few ribs. he wasnt gonna let go before sirius does, he could stay here all day until sirius was ready to let go. he heard strong sniffs and felt his chest going up and down. sirius broke the hug after a few minutes, looking a lot more content than he had a few minutes before. james gave him his usual cheeky smile.

"your fucking snout sirius" james laughed, picking up a handkerchief trying to clean his shoulder.

"fuck off" sirius managed to laugh, sniffing again.

"thank you" sirius said quietly

"come off it, dont thank me" james smiled at him. he watched him grab a cigarette and right when he was about to light it with the tip of his wand james stopped him hesitantly. james never really liked to mother him about smoking or give him lectures about the effects smoking had, but he noticed sirius was eating less and smoking more the past couple of days. sirius shot a "what-do-you-want" look to which james responded, "um, can you please just eat something before you smoke" james said. he knew this was a touchy subject, he never liked to mention it but they were alone and he knows he's the only one sirius would listen to. sirius gave him a hesitant look, before stuffing the cigarette back in his pocket.

"just for you prongs" he rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his doughnut. james however was filled with so much joy seeing his best friend do that just for him.

"what are you smiling so much at you prat" sirius said between bites. james shook his head softly before saying, "im very proud of you sirius, i hope you know that" sirius smiled and laughed dismissively at that statement, james knew it touched him but sirius never really knew how to respond to affectionate words.

"you're very sappy you know that" sirius laughed slightly.

"whatever" james felt his cheeks go red. "anyway i have to get going before i get minnie mad on christmas" he said, getting up, swinging his backpack on his back leaving the hall.

"tell moony i say merry christmas" james called, leaving the great hall also disappearing out of sight.

~

later that night, james and lily departed home to spend the upcoming weeks with their families to celebrate christmas, so did most of the school. as homey and welcoming as the school felt, everyone loved going back to their family, everyone except sirius. sirius was never fond of his family, he never had a good relationship with them and all they did was make him more miserable, he would take any chance to be away from them. sirius was sat in the library that was emptier than usual (but the ceiling was enchanted to fake snow) he was sitting with two giant books opened in front of him, yellowed by age. he looked over at the books, he hadnt read a single word despite being here for nearly an hour. he came here in an attempt to distract himself from the intensifying amount of nerves and stress, however, he was so lost in his thoughts that not even that gigantic book can save him from his exhausting overthinking. he sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulder, shutting the books that made a loud thud and put them back in their place. sirius swung his backpack on his back and left the library making his way to the gryffindor tower. he just wanted to sleep. yes, sleep, thats what he needed. he went through the fat lady's portrait and climbed up the stairs to his dormitory, finding remus sitting on his four poster bed completely engulfed by a book. remus shot his eyes up the second he heard sirius walking in and gave him a wordless smile, going back to his book. sirius' stomach did a funny lurch.

"i was starting to think youve forgotten your way around the castle" remus said, flipping the page of his book, still reading it. sirius looked at him nervously, not sure what he meant by that.

"what?" sirius asked, he was going to take his shirt off and get in his pyjamas but stopped abruptly. he didnt wanna make remus uncomfortable around him, especially after what happened this morning. they always had a very intimate relationship though, changing in front of each other was never a problem. remus suppressed a chuckle which made sirius look at him, unsure what he found comical in this very intense atmosphere.

"you can take your shirt off if you want sirius" remus said, still poured into his book.

"how can you even see me?" sirius couldnt stop himself. remus looked up from his book and gave him a is-that-even-a-question look. sirius slipped his undone tie, unbuttoning his buttons his fingers shaking horribly for a reason he didn't understand. he knew remus was looking in his book (not that he didnt want remus looking) but he still felt like all the worlds eyes are on him. a couple of awfully long minutes passed and sirius finally was in his pyjama and got into his bed under his blanket and stared absentmindedly into the wall. remus flipped the page once again, he hadnt read a word on the previous page. how could he? he was so preoccupied by sirius changing in front of him. remus did freak out when he found himself on the same bed as sirius this morning. he doesnt know why he freaked out the way he did, its not like its the first time. he knew that this had made sirius extremely self conscious the whole day, he was wearing a very dull look. he had to make up for his unexplainable actions, he cant stand seeing sirius this upset, especially if he was the reason hes feeling like that. he couldnt stand seeing him in such a bad mood on breakfast this morning that he had to dismiss himself early. but sirius' loss of his loud flirtatious attitude was what stirred the pot for remus. he didnt walk in the dorm and try to slip in bed with remus, or get a kiss from him, or remotely try draw any attention to hismelf from remus rather than that book in his hand, which was as un-sirius as one can get.

"why were you late?" remus asked sirius, knowing hes not asleep. sirius mumbled something inaudible from his bed that remus didnt catch onto. remus furrowed his brows slightly. he shut his book and put it on the bed side table, the sound he made when he shut his book made sirius shift in his bed to face remus who was staring back at him.

"where were you?" remus asked

"in the library" sirius said simply, avoiding any sarcasm or any joking around. remus face wore a surprised expression.

"oh- by your own will?" he said with a breathy laugh.

"yea" sirius replied

"what were you reading?" said remus, sounding excited. sirius didnt exactly know why he wad being interrogated by remus about his absence.

"um, i was just doing homework"

"oh, thats actually nice pads" remus smiled. sirius' stomach did another flip at the nickname. god this was so awkward and tense, sirius thought.

"sirius are you mad at me?" remus said, going straight to the point. every muscle in sirius' body went tense and completely still.

"no" sirius said bluntly.

"sure?"

"yea"

"okay. great then. um do you wanna come lay here with me?" remus offered, this was quiet foreign for remus as it was never him who initiated anything sexual or intimate. but he was willing to go out of his comfort zone for sirius. just for sirius.

"uh- sorry moony im really tired" it pained sirius to say these words, if he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to lay in remus' chest right now and give him soft pecks and kiss his stupid plump lips.

"oh, okay" remus said lowly. "okay then" sirius wasnt sure what he meant by that tone, and before sirius has any other second to think about it, he felt his bed dip slightly and remus climbing on him, placing himself on top of sirius with his legs wide opened around his waist. sirius felt like all the oxygen in the world had escaped his lungs.

"tired, you said you are pads? want a little massage?" remus cooed softly. he leaned down on sirius' chest undoing his pyjama buttons revealing his tattooed chest.

"remus-" sirius tried to stop him. sirius promised himself he wasnt going to do anything like that with remus because he doesnt want to make him uncomfortable or possibly hate him more, however, this is different. its remus thats initiating it. it remus that did it.

"what pads?" remus continued cooing softly, completely stripping sirius of his shirt and attaching his lips on sirius' neck. at this exact moment, sirius moaned louder than he intended. he shifted slightly in his bed and put his hand through remus' hair. remus continued nibbling sirius' neck. he bit and licked at all the right spots, leaving a soft trail of kisses all over his neck and made his way up to his chin and on his lips, where he left a soft peck. sirius however pulled remus' head back towards him to kiss him properly, remus licked sirius' bottom lip which made sirius moan approvingly into the kiss. remus slipped his tongue in sirius' mouth and deepened the kiss, he felt sirius' hand wandering around his shoulder and slipped in his shirt to touch his bare skin.

"god this is so" remus moaned breaking the kiss only to attach his lips on his once again.

"remus-" sirius stopped him abruptly. remus looked down on sirius, his eyes mobing fast between his godly features, furrowing his brows slightly not understanding why sirius stopped him. did he make him uncomfortable? was sirius really not in the mood and remus overstepped a boundry? remus felt a horrible tingling feeling in his stomach as his brain raced between all the possibilities.

"remus im sorry- i cant do this" sirius said, as soon as the words left his mouth he felt horrible, reading the shocked and bewildered expression on remus face, he looked very hurt and unsure of himself.

"oh- fuck okay im sorry" remus said quickly, getting off sirius and leaving his bed, but sirius held his arm to immobilize him and not make him leave. they stared at each other for a few seconds that felt painfully long. both of them felt confused, upset with themselves and unsure of what to do or say next.

"can you please stay" sirius said quietly avoiding remus' eye. remus didnt respond which made sirius feel a horrible pit of nerves in his stomach.

"i- i don't understand. you just asked me to stop and told me you cant do this" remus spoke lowly with a soft rasp in his voice. sirius buried his head in his hand, he was on the brink of tears, he honestly didnt know what or how to explain his confusion to remus. how could he explain it or put it in cohesive words when he himself didn't understand.

"sirius please talk to me" remus said softly, holding sirius' hand

"rem i dont know how-"

"do you trust me?" remus cut him off.

"what- yes of course" sirius said sternly.

"then please tell me how you feel"

"how i feel about what?" sirius asked

"about doing this" remus tried to explain, sirius knew at once he was referring to all the sexual stuff they do.

"remus i love it. i enjoy it a lot, i sometimes just want the day to end only to get in bed with you. i- i dont know how to word my feelings because it's honestly just all a mess inside me" sirius spilled. this was the most he'd spoken all day. remus smiled at the last sentence. "what about you?" sirius asked, feeling the same horrible pit of nerves in his stomach increase. remus however smiled.

"i do things for you pads that id never do to anyone" he said, smiling more. he leaned closer to sirius' face and brushing a few strands of his hair out of his face. "but, if you feel unsure about this, we can stop and just be friends. i'd completely understand"

"no what the fuck moony" sirius said before he could stop himself, remus looked in his eyes. "no im unsure about your feelings to me, not about my feelings to you" he tried to explain.

"you think i dont like you?" remus asked quickly.

"well not exactly but im not sure how you feel towards me". at this, remus leaned down to kiss sirius lips a soft and tender kiss. he took his time to savor every bit of his mouth he could.

"maybe this would give you a good idea about how i feel about you" he smiled at him. "we're both exhausted, its best if we just go to sleep"

"right okay. can you sleep with me?" sirius asked, remus gave a breathy laugh at his sweet request.

"yes darling i can" he said with his usual rasp apparent, getting under the blanket and spooning sirius playing with his hair for the the next foreseeable hours until both of them were sleeping.

soft sun rays illuminated through the window of the gryffindor tower and on the entire hogwarts grounds. the translucent curtains that were in the dormitory were not doing any shielding from the sun rays whatsoever. it fell gently on the two boys that were sleeping together, tangled together, their bodies almost intertwining so perfectly with each other as if they were jigsaw pieces. sirius' head was on remus' chest, remus hugging sirius' body towards him and their legs just tangled. they looked so peaceful, their chests raising and going down every couple of seconds, it was all so perfect that one could confidently bet that even their heartbeats were in sync.

an owl came knocking its beak on the window above the bed theyre on, breaking the gentle yet majestically peaceful the state they were in. sirius shifted slightly in his sleep, opening his eyes to find uninvited sunlight penetrating right through his eyeballs. the owl made another knock on the window trying to grab their attention.

"fine okay" sirius said rasply, he got up sitting upright opening the window for that stupid owl that interrupted his sleep. the owl had two parcels tied on its leg. sirius untied them and the owl flew out at once.

"whos that from?" a raspy voice spoke he immediately knew it was remus.

"um, i think its" he turned the parcel around to see if there was any name, he smiled when he saw the senders name.

"yep, its from prongs" he said looking at remus who also smiled warmly.

"well, we'll open it later, lets just get up quickly now before we miss breakfast" he said, sitting up right and sliding his legs out of the bed. the two boys changed into their normal clothes. remus got into a hand knitted sweater and pants, sirius also got into a baggy sweatshirt and sloppily tied his hair up.

"pads is that mine?" remus smiled looking at the sweater sirius was wearing.

"maybe" sirius replied with a cheeky tone.

"course it is" remus rolled his eyes. "you literally have the biggest closet out of all of us, yet youre never wearing your shit" sirius gave him a weird look.

"not that i mind it darling" remus said softly, playing with sirius' hair slightly. they both left the dormitory and walked down to the common room with the intention to leave to the great hall, however they were met by a small table that was put in front of the fireplace with breakfast food laying on it. they looked at each other exchanging weird looks.

"there was no point of making you leave the common room only to go down and eat when its only you too in the whole school" professor mcgonagall's voice spoke. she was sitting on an armchair wearing her usual green dressing gown. "well anyway, im going down to have breakfast with the rest of the teachers. you two have a merry christmas" she smiled slightly and left the common room.

remus and sirius were just left there standing stupidly in front of the food table.

"well, i guess we're not leaving. sit down lets eat im starving" sirius said sitting himself down and starting to eat toast. they both ate until they were full and just laid on their armchairs to take their breath.

"wanna open the parcel prongs sent?" remus asked after ten minutes of silence.

"uhh sure" sirius said, getting the parcels, handing remus one box and he opened the other one. he tore the wrapping and opened it, a smile breaking on his face.

"he got me a wand polishing set. oh and look, he got me some hair bands" remus laughed a little. sirius put the hair bands in his wrist.

"what are you laughing at, i love it" sirius smiled "what did he get you?"

"he got me part six of 'crows or crowns'. its my favorite book and he knows i couldn't find that volume anywhere" remus' face wore a very big smile from that present. "oh and look! he got me a vest, it's beautiful"

"i'll be wearing that" sirius said at once

"of course darling you can wear it whenever"

"remus open my gift!" sirius said with so much excitement, remus held the huge box wondering what he has inside. he stared at sirius before opening it, unsure of what will meet him when he opens it. his suspicion grew larger when he was met by a cheeky smiling sirius.

"its not gonna blow up in my face right?" remus laughed a little

"only one way to find out" sirius shrugged

"oh god" remus joked. he opened the box and the first thing he saw was a big box inside labeled 'book polishing kit' remus' face fell with shock.

"sirius! sirius is this a book polishing kit? oh my god" he was gasping. sirius felt his cheeks burn by the fond expression on remus' face.

"holy shit pads where did you get this, these are so rare and expensive" he held it close to his face examining it with so much excitement.

"shhh its a gift" sirius was kind of embarrassed fora reason he doesnt know. "theres more stuff"

remus looked inside the box and laughed out loudly when he saw at least a doesnt bars of chocolate.

"what are you laughing at! this is the muggle chocolate you told me you like" sirius said flustered a little.

"yes yes i love it" remus smiled. "thank you"

sirius shrugged, not knowing what to say in situations like this.

"um, right open my gift" remus said looking nervous. remus' gift was something a little different and not very expected, he spent a lot of time thinking whether its a good idea or not. hes so nervous for sirius to see it, he felt his stomach lurch so badly he might vomit. he handed sirius an a4 piece of parchment that was folded into quarters. sirius gave him a confused yet excited look.

"are you giving me your transfiguration homework as a christmas gift moony" he joked.

"oh shut up and open it" every fibre in remus' body was screaming in anticipation and nerves. sirius unfolded the paper and read:

"dear sirius,

i am writing this in the dormitory for the fifteenth time at least. i thought so much about this and decided that its perfect. six years ago when i laid eyes on you for the first time, you had this aura that carried so much charm, something about your stupid gorgeous personality was so seductive and made me in complete lust for you. there aren't enough words in the english language to explain how you make me feel, nothing will come close to describing how i feel when you slip in bed with me every night, when i play with your hair, when i hear your heartbeats, when i hold your hand and stroke it with my thumb, when you kiss my scars, when you sit next to me in class sit there looking pretty doing nothing. i came to the conclusion that every little thing you do has me in utter awe. no one has ever made me feel like that, for a long time i was so confused as to why and how you could do that so effortlessly. i was confused about how i felt about you for so long, i was so confused about myself, and you helped me come to terms with who i am, by being so unapologetically you. at the end of a hard day you're always there to cheer me up, even in my darkest days, when nothing felt like it'll be okay ever again, you're always fucking here to change that. the number of times you've saved my life sirius, i couldnt tell you, by just merely being here. i figured that no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, i want to always be with you. i never want to see that day i have to depart you, i dont ever see it coming because not even the strongest force from the gods above will make me leave you. im in love with you. im so fucking in love you idiot. im in love with the way you talk, the way you tie your hair, the way you dress, the way your eyes crease when you smile, your bark like laugh, your stupid jokes that i find funny unironically, your chirped nail polish... just in love with you. so sirius, this is me asking, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

sirius read the letters at least three times to make sure he wasnt missing anything, to make sure he was reading it correctly. was remus asking him out? was remus actually in love with him? none of this felt real. sirius felt like he's seeing stars in his vision, like he was going to pass out any second right now. he looked up at remus who was staring attentively on him and watching his every reaction. he met eyes with him and felt like all the worlds oxygen was being drained.

"so?" remus asked, his voice quivering.

"so?" he repeated as if this was a incredulous thing so say, " fuck yes i wanna be your boyfriend" sirius threw himself on remus on his armchair and splattered him with kissed everywhere he could reach.

"i never thought id be the lucky person to actually end up dating you" sirius breathed

"please, im the lucky one here" remus rolled his eyes.

"i mean hell yeah you are" sirius said sarcastically.

the pair of them spent the rest of the day sitting on the armchair cuddled up with the heat of each other, sharing soft intimate touches every now and then. they spent the whole day in peace and delicacy and made the most out of each other’s company. soon enough before they knew it, the holidays were over and students were returning to hogwarts for their second term.

“hi remus! hey sirius, good holiday? how are you two?” james showered them with questions enthusiastically when they saw him come in the gryffindor common room, he seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

“yea, great holiday” remus mumbled finding himself an armchair and sitting in it. the rest followed and sat on armchairs around him but sirius sat on his lap which remus scooted over a little to make space for him. james and lily looked at each other rolling their eyes playfully but happy that theyre on good terms, unlike the last time they saw them.

“what about you two? and you wormy? how was ur holiday” remus asked calmly, playing with sirius’ hair absentmindedly.

“great we had a great a time, i invited lily and wormy over, wormy couldnt make it though. but lily and i had fun, my parents liked her a lot” james smirked looking at her. “obviously they knew her because i always talked about her to them, but they’ve never really- woah WOAH” james’ speach was cut abruptly when he saw sirius attach his lips to remus’ and remus kissed him back fondly. they all exchanged shocked looks but they werent too shocked, they knew something was happening between the pair of them.

“woah guys” james laughed as they broke the kiss apart and giggled at their reaction.

“yea um, remus and i are dating” sirius said, lookinh flustered slightly. remus was still playing with his hair softly.

“does that mea we can go on double dates?” james said at once

“james potter i am not going on double dates with you and sirius thank you very much” lily said sarcastically.

“suit yourself, james and i are going on dates” sirius shrugged

“james and you are what-“ lily looked confused but cant help a laugh.

“thats right evans” sirius said in a dignified tone.

“dont you talk to my girlfriend like that black!” remus said at once. they all laughed at the sitiuation but lily said with a serious voice, “guys im so happy for you, youre finally together” she smiled wamrly. remus and sirius scooted closer next to each other smiling back at her.

“really proud of my mates” james said, trying to keep a serious tone but smirking at the same time.

#the marauders #incorrect wolfstar quotes #hp marauders #incorrect marauders quotes #marauders headcanon #marauders era #sirius orion black #siriusxremus #sirius x remus #remus lupin #sirius black #padfoot #moony padfoot and prongs #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #wolfstar one shot #james potter #lily evans #prongs #jily

[vemuabhi]

GHOST CONTRACT

Pairing : Eustass Kidd X Captain! Ghost! Reader

Requested by PalmTV (wattpad)

Warnings : A slight bit of Angst but mostly fluff, mention of blood and needle

Summary : Kidd tries to summon a sprit on an island very popular for its hauntings. As nothing happens he just calls it bull and continues his journey. But on verge of death, the sprit comes and saves him. Turns out, the sprit is a very powerful Captain when they were alive. Slowly Kidd and Reader fall in love but, will they be able to stay together?

A/N : I hope you like it. Eustass is one of my favourite and this is a new concept.

"So, if we just do what you said, we could summon the sprit. Am i right?", Kidd asked his first mate who just finished his explanation on how to summon the ghost captain.

Kidd Pirates docked on a very well known island which was apparently haunted by sprits of a deadly pirate crew who died in a battle on the island. Its been many years since that incident and its famous to perform contracts with the sprits. Its considered a myth and no one truly knows if its true or not.

"Kidd, I don't know of its true or not, but its really famous for people trying to summon sprits. But it needs to be precise. Even a second difference can make the complete thing not work itseems", said the masked man to his red head captain as everyone drank booze in the bar.

"Seems interesting. Rven though I don't believe in that kind of sprits and stuff", scoffed Kidd as he chugged the remaining booze from his glass.

At sharp 3 am, the captain and his firstmate went to the lake where the summoning should be taken place. Kidd stood close to the water and Killer kept close look at the pocket watch. Kidd took a needle from his metallic arm and slowly pierced it on his index finger till he saw a drop of his blood.

Killer kept looking at the pocket watch and as soon as he saw it was 3:13 he exclaimed, "Now!", then Kidd shook his finger making the blood fall into the lake.

They waited curiously for a minute. 'Anytime from now', kidd thought as he waited for another 5 minutes... and another..... and another.

Its been more than 15 minutes and Kidd was already getting irritated. "Bogus bull, Lets go Killer", he walked as his masked mate followed him behind.

"Tsk... even though I didn't believe it, I wanted something to happen", Kidd whined as Killer just sighed in response.

The next day Kidd Pirates continued their journey to another island. The weather was good and the path was clear. Just when the crew thought they won't be having any obstacles, suddenly they felt a yellow beam shoot their ship.

Kidd and Killer looked in the direction from where the beam came and saw that there was a big Marine boat with the Navy Admiral Kizaru on it. They were really far away from the marine ship but how accurately Kizaru shot the beam made the crew tense a bit, but that wasn't the case with the captain.

Kidd smiled widely and was ready to tackle and fight Kizaru. Soon everyone began to fight with the marines and Kidd started to fight with Kizaru. He was more stronger now but, Kizaru wasn't the Navy Admiral for nothing. After fighting for a while, Kizaru shot Kidd near his heart, making the latter feel immense pain. His Blood was all around him.

"KIDDD!!", shouted the masked mate as he saw his captain so hurt.

Just when Kizaru was about to step on Kidd, he felt a strong force hold him back, he wasn't able to move.

Within seconds all the marines were thrown off the Victoria Punk. Kizaru tried really hard to stop the force but... he couldn't. It was immensely powerful. Atlast after trying so much to not fall into the sea, Kizaru's efforts ended in vain. He was thrown. A marine soldier caught Kizaru when he was drowning. The admiral gasped for air then a fellow marine said "What did just happen? It was incredible power". To which Kizaru answered, "It definitely... wasn't one of the Kidd Pirates. They were really injured and there wasn't anyone who was like that on the pirate ship", he took a deep breath then continued, "Anyway, lets retreat for now". With that the marines went back.

Kidd was treated as some of the other members repaired the ship and some cleaned the place.

"What exactly happened?", heat asked Killer who was also thinking the same as they waited for their captain wake up. "I honestly don't know. Not to sound silly but...It was as if... magic?", replied Killer. Then it hit him. The summoning of the sprit. Then his captain woke up bringing the blond out of his thoughts. Kidd sat with the help of Killer and then he saw an unfamiliar person, in the corner of the room. He noticed that you had (hair colour) hair and had (eye colour) sharp eyes.

"Who the hell are you?", Kidd asked you as he looked straight into your eyes.

"Firstly introduce yourself", you replied stearnly making him girt his teeth.

"Whats wrong Kidd?", Killer asked Kid with worry.

"Huh?", Kidd questioned and said, "That person right there", he said making Heat and Killer confused.

"Oh, by the way, you can only see me. No one else", you said, now making Kidd confused.

You raised your eyebrow and asked him, "Don't tell me you forgot the fight with the marines and your near death experience".

After you mentioned it, Kidd's thoughts became more clear. Yes, there was something wrong with that battle. He knew it was not normal.

"That was by me", you said making your way towards the red head. You passed through Heat while you came towards the captain. He was shocked to see you do that.

Heat gasped making Killer hold the latters shoulder.

"What's wrong Heat?", tbe blond asked as he held Heats shoulder evenmore tightly.

"I... i don't know... I... just felt like a very cold shiver ran through my body for a second", he admitted.

"What did you do to him?", Kidd asked you making the other two give him puzzled expression.

"He is fine. Just tell him to sleep for now and ask them to leave if you wanna talk to me", you said to Kidd as you sat on a chair beside Kidd.

"You both, leave for now. Heat take rest.", Kidd ordered and the two men left the room. He turned towards you and asked, "Now tell me who are you? Im Eustass Kidd, the captain of this pirate group".

"Oh, Kidd, I am Y/N, I'm the captain of the (crew name) pirates", you said.

"But... I heard that",

"We died", you finished his sentence as you looked down. You sighed and said, "We died during a fight near an island and... I... was the only one who didn't find... peace. I guess I... am being punished", you said as you fake chuckled and looked at him.

"So, you are here and are visible to me, because I summoned you?", he asked and you nodded. He smirked and said, "So now you are to submit to me".

"Over my body", you said.

"You are already dead", he wined

"I don't care. I won't submit. Its not how I am", you straightened your back.

"Tch... how arrogant", he sighed then continued, "So... how about an alliance?"

"An alliance... thats sounds good", you smiled at him making his heart skip a beat.

'What the hell was that', Kidd thought then said, "Dont.. Dont betray me!"

You stood up and came closer to him, making him gulp. "I will never betray you Kidd", you said seriously as you looked deep into his eyes. He got a warm feeling when you said it and then he averted his eyes from you.

"Okay", he said with his cheeks turned pink.

"Awww, are you blushing. So adorable", you started to tease him as he shouted at you to stop doing that.

Its been a very long time since someone talked to you or looked at you. So that emotion hit you suddenly. "Hey.. hey.. what.. what happened?", he asked you.

Then you noticed that were crying. This was a pleasant feeling for you.

"Nothing to worry about", you wiped your tears and continued, "its just that... its been a very, very long time since someone talked to me".

He didn't make fun of you. He just stared at you silently. You regained your composture and smiled at him.

Kidd confessed everything to Killer and given everything which happened before, and also with his analysis, he believed every word of Kidd.

You said and did funny things while Kid was with everyone making it hard for him to hold his laughter. Sometimes you teased him and made him super embarrassed. You got yourself a... friend, who you could talk to now. So you were really happy.

When Kidd was with Killer, he was more free when talking to you or laughing out loud. Because Killer knew about you and he sometimes joined in the conversation. Kid would repeat your lines to Killer and in that way, sometimes you and Killer talked using Kidd. For which he would get pissed off a lot. You slowly fell in love with Kidd but didn't confess. Because he was a human and you were a sprit. You wanted him to be with someone, who can touch him, whom he can show to other people, with whom he could laugh out loudly without any obstacles and mostly a person who could become old with him. So you tried to avoid it as much as possible. Little did you know, Kidd was also in love with you and every time he saw a shooting star he wished you to be able to touch you. Not in a perverted way ofcourse. He really wanted to hug you and protect you. But he didn't say his feelings. He wanted to achieve his goal before doing that.

With you being invisible, had so many advantages. If anyone was plotting against Kidd, you'd tell it to him first and let him and Killer take action. You didnt need to sleep, so took the night shift every night and let everyone sleep peacefully, as you took care of the ship.

After some years and the end of the journey of Kidd pirates, he confessed that be liked you. His cheeks turned into his hair colour when he did it. You became so happy and said you felt the same making his smile widen. You then felt something in your body. As if something was changing.

"Y/N you are glowing. What is happening?", he asked you.

"I... i don't know", you said with a worried expression. He came towards you and tried to touch you. Your eyes widened as he was astounded. He was able to touch you. You were able to feel his warm hand on your skin. He was as amazed as you were. He pulled you into his embrace as he held you close. You could hear his heart beating fast. You could feel him. You could touch him. He then kissed you on your lips and you returned his love. Then your body stopped glowing. But you were still in his arms. You both were scared to let go, as if you won't be able to touch him after you let him go. Then you both heard a sound. You both looked at the source and it was none other than Killer. He dropped his weapon on the ground. His mask didn't show what expression he was having.

So you said to Kidd, "Ask him, what happened".

"I can see you, Y/N", the blond replied.

"What? Are you? Serious?", you asked him. Killer came closer to you and placed his hand on your head. He... he was also able to touch you. Your eyes widened as his hand made contact with your hair.

"Y/N, are you now alive? You are even breathing", he said making you realise that indeed. You were breathing now. Like a normal human being. Your eyes welled up and you hugged Kidd. He was so excited to just touch you and now you were... alive somehow. What miracle was that.

Killer joined you two and you three gave a group hug. "I can become old with Kidd and lead a simple life. Atlast you are able to see me Killer. I wanted to talk to you without involving Kidd everytime", you said as you squeezed them two tightly.

"Apparently... your strength is the... same", Killer said making you laugh. You were now alive again. Another chance at life was given to you. So you were very grateful. You appreciated and loved every single moment with Kidd. You treasured all the moments deeply. And for the first time, you could talk directly to Killer. So you thanked every moring you woke up from the sleep you missed. You smiled more brightly and were more happy than before.

XOXOXOXO

I hope you Liked it.

If you want to support me please Like, Comment and Reblog / tag people. Thankyou for reading.

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece fanfiction #eustass kid #eustass kid x reader #eustass kid imagine #kid x reader #kid pirates x reader #kid pirates #eustass kid one piece #one piece scenario #one piece scenarios #one piece fluff #x reader

[voices-ringing-out]

CHARACTER BIOGRAPHY: Maximilian ‘Max’ Navarro

Trigger Warnings for religious trauma and religious abuse, as well as a fairly disturbing death, please proceed with caution.

"The closer I got to the Church, the more hypocrisy and corruption I saw. The so called ‘keys to heaven’ were being held by perverts and con men, the very evil I wanted to fight. What kind of god would allow that scandal? So I quit the Church, quit believing in their lies... figured that there is no God so I could live by my own rules; pick on somebody else. All I ever knew was religious rituals, labelism, and prayers. So me and my best friend, we started this show. I didnt think it mattered it was fake. People loved it. People loved me.”

                                                           ~*~

Max was born to two staunch Catholics, so religion was interwoven with his upbringing from the very start. For most of his childhood, he took it all very seriously, but certain parts of it - the long Masses, then later Catholic school - clashed with his naturally active and energetic nature. He was constantly finding himself punished by either his parents or members of the Church - or his teachers later on - because of his struggles with staying focused and staying still, and his inability to memorise the things he was supposed to memorise. 

Despite his high levels of energy, Max had a hard time with socialising, which meant that while it was easy for him to make friends, it was difficult to keep them - either because their interests weren’t the same as his, or because he was simply ‘too much’ for them to handle. So when one friend that he made when he first entered Catholic school - Andrew - stuck with him, regardless of his shortcomings, Max decided early on that he would do anything he could to stay friends with Drew. 

School is not an enjoyable time for the two. Drew does well - if not for what the nuns see as Max’s ‘bad influence’, he would be a model student - but since he refuses to leave Max’s side, whilst Max struggles to know when the right time for cracking jokes are and has trouble memorising the prayers and Bible verses that they are required to know, he is dragged down with him. When Max is punished for being unable to recite a prayer, Drew tries to mouth it to him and is punished for helping him. At the age of 13, Max and Drew are kept after class yet again; lectured about not taking the rules and rituals seriously. Drew tries to take the heat to protect Max, and the teacher - fed up - grabs him by the hair and begins to slam him into the desktop again and again.

When his cries for her to stop go unheard, wracked with panic and guilt that his friend was going to die, Max lunged forward and knocked the nun over. Unfortunately, he did so at the same time a pencil rolled off the desk, and she fell onto it; it went through her eye, blinding her and she later died. Because it was marked an accident, Max and Drew were not punished for it - but Max was haunted by that teacher for the rest of his life, through high school and college. He entered seminary, hoping to make amends for the things he had done, but upon realising how corrupt the religion he had followed his entire life was, he rejected it.

He and Drew remained friends, and when Max left the seminary, he had the idea of The Cleansing Hour - an online webseries that aired live once a week, where he performed exorcisms, fake though they were. It indulged his love for theatre, as well as his deeper and quieter need for attention, and gave him some sensation of defeating evil like he had always wanted to... even if it wasn’t real. The older he had gotten, the more Max had fallen back on a facade; playing up a charming, debonair, and outgoing character to hide his own insecurities, and this also made the show a perfect way to keep that facade up, as well as gave him a way to distract himself from the evil he had already witnessed.

Unfortunately, whilst playing with the concept of demons, he ended up attracting one of the real ones.

the basics

full name: maximilian david navarro.

aka: max, maxi.

age: since he’s a new muse, he only has his main verse, in which he is 33.

gender & pronouns: cis man, he/him.

orientation: pansexual and desperately trying to keep hidden the fact he has had a massive crush on drew since they were kids.

species: human

occupation: 'priest and exorcist’ (a false identity), actor, online influencer.

residence: at the moment, los angeles.

physical appearance

hair: usually messy or in a bun; a dark brown, though on occasions before he started The Cleansing Hour, he would dye it in fun colours. it’s very wavy by nature, so sometimes he straightens it.

eyes: whiskey brown.

complexion: tan.

build: tall, thin, and fairly fit. he frequented the gym before he started his show, and still goes every now and again to stay fit but nowhere near as often as he used to be.

scars: his knees, back, and hands are covered in varying scars from the various beatings and punishments he endured as a child at the catholic school, as well as some from self harm on his arms that he makes a point to keep hidden. he also has a scar on his chin from an automobile accident in college.

tattoos: for now, just one, a matching tattoo that he and drew got - the two of them, in college, got matching anchor tattoos on their forearms. back then, their life plan had been that they would save up money, get a houseboat, and spend their life taking it easy at sea. as they got older, plans changed, but max still treasures the tattoo.

piercings: both of his ears are pierced and he often wears golden hoops, though he takes them out when filming episodes for the show to keep up the ‘man of god’ image.

etc: his grin is often described as ‘crooked’ or ‘lopsided’!

face claim(s): ryan guzman; he seems to have short hair most of the time which doesn’t fit my interpretation, so i’m currently searching for some other faceclaims!

personality

zodiac: leo.

alignment: chaotic neutral.

hogwarts: slytherin.

positive traits: ambitious, clever, determined, affectionate.

negative traits: hedonistic, self-centred, temperamental, stubborn.

medical record

mental: PTSD, social anxiety (which he masks with a facade), borderline personality disorder. 

physical: N/A

phobias: necrophobia (fear of death), sphenisciphobia (fear of nuns; though it’s more a trigger of his past trauma than a phobia), taphophobia (fear of being buried alive), aerophobia (fear of flying/planes).

eyesight: 20/20 vision.

drug use: due to his hedonistic nature, he has tried most drugs and will often go back to them, though he has been fortunate enough not to get addicted to any of them. 

alcohol use: alcohol, however, he has an addiction to. he drinks regularly, oftentimes at irregular hours on his days off.

background

birth place: reno, nevada; his parents eventually moved to sacramento, california before he entered school.

ethnicity: hispanic and jewish primarily, with some english and norwegian.

parents: manuel and hannah navarro. 

siblings: one younger sister who still lives with his parents; grace, 15 years old.

pets: his parents kept dogs growing up; he was only ever particularly attached to their yellow lab, Domingo. in present day, he doesn’t have space for a dog in his apartment, but has taken in two stray cats that he rescued - two small kittens who were dumped in the street by an asshole who didn’t want them. one’s a male dark striped tabby he named Sixx (after the Motley Crue singer) and the other is a female tortoiseshell he named Nikita (after the Elton John song).

education: he graduated high school, and got most of the way toward an associates’ in arts degree in college before attempting seminary - which he also eventually left without completing his education there.

notable skills: he enjoys music; he is a good singer (except when he’s too drunk), and dabbles in playing the guitar and the drums. he has a way with words if given the chance to think on them a bit, and has perfected his acting throughout the years. similar to his passion for music, he is also a good dancer. those are the skills he’s most proud of anyway.

languages: english, and he is passable in spanish. he also knows some latin.

#character introductions > maximilian navarro #i'm so glad i finally got him introduced #now i gotta add him to the muse page lol #he's a canon character from a movie called The Cleansing Hour that i highly recommend if you like demon movies

[flakandforay]

Fake Love Teaser 1 Theory

overall: okay, so you know how the protocol for comeback was last time, usually only having one teaser then the whole album preview but with the recent Love Yourself Her album, it seemed as though they changed the comeback protocol a bit by having 2 teasers this time round. hence, continuing the Love Yourself series- this time with the album Tear - they are doing it again, this the teaser 1 of fake love.

warnings: mentions of death, violence, might be triggering, please read with care

⇝ theory maserlist 

theory: remember how i did the magic shop theory a while ago after reading the book, it seems as though bangtan has made this book their main motif just like how they did with Demian by Hermann Hesse for Wings, specifically BST. so, you may want to read my Magic Shop Theory for it to make more sense. 

so now, the teaser is only less than 2 mins long ( specifically 1:54 ) inclusive of the 8 seconds intro of bighit. of course, being a teaser, the song won’t be so explicitly shown so much, just enough for you to want more ( which is what they did towards the end ?? )

now, usually bangtan’s teasers are usually less than a minute because often they dive straight into the title track itself. however, with this teaser of fake love, it’s longer because of the story plot that’s inside as well; the story plot that is connected to Wings short stories ( all 7 of them from Begin, Lie, Stigma, First Love, Reflection, MAMA and Awake ) and highlight reel 起承轉結.

so, the teaser starts off with this screen that says ‘magic shop is a psychodramatic technique that exchanges fear for a positive attitude’.

psychodramatic is a common technique used by therapists.

psychodrama is an action method, often used as a psychotherapy, in which clients use spontaneous dramatization, role playing, and dramatic self-presentation to investigate and gain insight into their lives.

In a session of psychodrama, one client of the group becomes the protagonist, and focuses on a particular, personal, emotionally problematic situation to enact on stage. A variety of scenes may be enacted, depicting, for example, memories of specific happenings in the client's past, unfinished situations, inner dramas, fantasies, dreams, preparations for future risk-taking situations, or unrehearsed expressions of mental states in the here and now

Reference

but moving on, the main thing to focus here is the fact that it exchanges fear for a positive attitude. in a way here, it can also be interpreted as though they exchanged their tears to someone else’s happiness, much like in the story of the Ones who walk away from Omelas which ill explain later. 

see, later on in the video, it reveals as though all of the boys have gone to the magic shop to exchange their fear for a positive attitude. the magic shop is meant to be a place in which people can sort of buy different characteristics but also give up those that are harmless or useless. basically, it is a place where one needs to give up something in order to grow. 

so, most of the boys have gone to the magic shop, as if like this mysterious pawn shop, not gonna lie, to exchange something.

it starts off with Seokjin then followed by Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Namjoon , Yoongi and lastly Jungkook. 

based on these scenes, it could be safe to say that most of the boys exchanged items from their Wings short films yet with some semblance of hints from other mvs as well that are part of the HYYH timeline such as the Prologue and Run to items seen in the love yourself highlight reels.

let’s look at what the boys exchanged. 

Seokjin - the earpiece seen in Awake to most likely Smeraldo flowers.

Yoongi - the metronome that he most likely uses while playing the piano to a lollipop that indicates the start of his smoking habits.

Hoseok - the snickers bar in short film mama to a birthday cake, possibly the same one in the highlight reel.

Namjoon - the shard of glass with the words seen in the prologue to a black hair tie.

Jimin - the photo of the trees painting seen in his lie short film to an umbrella.

Taehyung - he exchanged something, possibly his spray paint cans to a bag tied with a bandana

Jungkook exchanged nothing but got a box with a key.

now, see that they exchanged these items, but one would realize how that these fears that were meant to be exchanged for a positive attitude doesn’t seem like it always would be one. in a way, what they expected was a positive attitude but clearly it’s not as seen in the highlight reels. yet interestingly, Jungkook didnt have an item to exchange, he actually exchanged himself, as a way, he sacrificed himself. ( ill bring this idea back again later on )

now, here’s why all the the items that exchanged for to this positive attitude didnt even help them at all. 

Seokjin exchanged his earpiece for Smeraldo flowers.

but one would see later on in the highlight reel, that same bouquet of flowers caused the death of the girl. somehow the death of the girl, triggered the whole house of cards to fall. 

which is why, the next part of the highlight reel, Seokjin’s narration says this. 

“The glorious world right in front of me. My lies were at the bottom of that. All of these dreams would fall with a single breeze.”

this shows how easy these fake memories would shatter, how fragile they are. just like the collapse of the house of cards in Run. and the fact is, they knew very well, that they were all lies, but still continued as if they weren't. 

moreover, the Smeraldo flowers means the ‘truth i couldn’t tell’.

yet, maybe Seokjin received these flowers as a way to turn back time since based on his Love Yourself posters, they translate as such. (  full translations here )

“If i could turn back time, i would want to be a good person.”

“If i could turn back time, i would want to go back to the summer sea.”

in this highlight reel narration of his, Seokjin says this. 

“If we can turn back time, where would we go? If we arrive there, will we be able to straighten out our mistakes and wrongdoings and therefore, be happy?”

as if here, Seokjin says even if there is the chance to turn back time, how sure are they that in the end they would be happy? 

see, Seokjin wants to go back in time to try and save everyone just like in Euphoria, but in the end, he sacrificed himself to save Taehyung but Jimin is left to suffer. hence in a way, regardless, Seokjin cannot save everyone.

at the same time, the Smeraldo flowers are a symbol of his guilt and conscience, his lies that he kept within, its eating him alive. 

how he had the earpiece to spy on the boys since the Skool Luv Affair era, as seen in the earlier concert vcrs together with how in the HYYH: the notes L version, the principal has been asking Seokjin to report to him anything etc. so, the whole time, Seokjin was being used to monitor and spy on the boys; often reporting their actions etc. Seokjin was a traitor at the very core. 

Seokjin 2 March YEAR 19 

I followed my father into the principal’s office where it smelt damp. it has been 10 days since I came back from America. Based on the different school system, I heard that I will be entering one year later. “Please take care of my son.” My father placed his hand on my shoulders to keep me from moving. “The school is a dangerous place. There is a need for regulations.” The principal looked straight at me. As he talked, the wrinkled flesh around his cheeks and mouth sagged, and the interior of his lips was dark red. “Don’t you think so, Seokjin?” I was startled at the abrupt question and my father put in more strength in his hand on my shoulder. The grip was strong enough to make the veins pop out on his neck. “I believe you will do well.” The principal looked at me with such tenacity while my father’s hand on my shoulder gradually increased in strength. My shoulder felt it would break from how tightly my father’s grip was on me. My body was trembling and I broke into cold sweat. “You must always talk to me. I think you will be a great student, Seokjin.” The principal looked at me with an unsmiling face. “Yes.” I could barely squeeze out an answer, I wanted to disappear at that moment. I could hear my father and principal’s laughter. I couldn’t lift my head. I just stared at my father’s brown shoes and the black shoes of the principal. I didn’t know where the shining light was coming from. I was scared of that light. 

his fear was that he couldnt tell the truth of his identity, and the fact that the last line of the L version mentions the ‘shining light’ and that he was scared of it; often many perceives this to be a form of truth, that the truth would prevail. 

The same is true of truth and light. At one end, the end of expression, it is truth, which means reality or realization. At the other end, the source, it is light. When we are holding the truth, by implication we are also holding the light.....To be in the light means that we have the source of truth or reality.

Reference

Seokjin was scared that the truth would come out and hence resulting to having those Smeraldo flowers being delivered etc, because they mean the truth that he couldnt tell. it seems as though his fear hasn’t left him at all despite it being ‘exchanged’. it only became aggravated. 

Yoongi exchanged the metronome to a lollipop. 

remember in the I Need U theory; how lollipops are used commonly in anime to depict the cigarette. ( and this would tie in with the HYYH: the notes L version ).

Yoongi 8 June YEAR 22

I took off my t-shirt again. I looked in the mirror and it was not like me at all. The cotton shirt that was not my type had the word ‘Dream’ on it. No matter how you look at it, the red colour, the word, dream, the shirt didn’t fit me at all. Out of frustration, I pulled a cigarette and looked for my lighter. Since it wasn’t in the back pocket of my jeans, I looked inside my bag. (They) took it away. (They) took it from my hands without any constraint. (They) threw back to me were candy bars and this t-shirt.  

I messed up my hair and stood up when I heard the sound of a message. My heart began to beat faster as at the moment, my hand phone screen lit up brightly with a name that was 3 syllabuses. I broke my cigarette to check the message. In the next moment, I was laughing at the mirror. Wearing the tight t-shirt that had ‘Dream’ written on it, the red colour, I must have looked like an idiot.

which later on explain how those cigarettes were taken away from Yoongi- kinda leaving him bare. however later on in the notes of the L version, it seems as though Yoongi attended the funeral of his mother, his mother who taught him the piano. Hence, he traded the fear of the fear of losing someone so important; giving up the metronome to signify the end of the days of him playing the piano to the lollipop which would only exacerbate his current delinquent life as one would see in the highlight reel, that his juvenile days only extended, with him quitting high school, stopped playing the piano, picked up the habit of smoking etc often got drunk as well etc. 

This could be seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version.

Yoongi 25 June YEAR 20

I opened the door of the bottom drawer with a pop and firstly, took out the bag that was placed inside. I turned the bag inside out and a dusty piano key fell out. I threw the half-burned piano key in the trashcan and laid down on bed. The fire in my heart wouldn’t cool down and so my breathing was ragged, and at some point, soot was smeared over my fingers.

After the funeral, I went back alone to the house that was set ablaze on fire. I entered my mother’s room to see the piano that was burned so badly, the shape was unrecognizable. I hesitantly sat down. I sat there for some time until the sunlight that entered through the window died down. Several keys rolled around in the last of the light. What kind of sound could be heard if I played the keys? I thought about my mother playing these keys a lot. I put one of them in my pocket and left the room.

From that moment on, 4 years has passed. The house has been quiet. Just like it was meant to be quiet. It was past 10 and so my father would have been asleep, afterwards everything held its breath. That was the rule of the house. It was hard for me to endure the silence. it also wasn’t easy to keep up with the stipulated times, regulations and forms. No matter how you looked at it, it was hard to be patient. Nevertheless, I couldn’t stand living in this house. After receiving pocket money from my father, eating with him, I got scolded by him. Rather than not talking to my father and go astray, I lacked the courage to abandon him and the house, to make freedom into reality and not just in words.

I suddenly rose up from bed. I pulled out the piano key from the desk with a tissue paper. I opened the window and the night air rushed in. The wind that came in slapped me with the strength of whatever happened today. I threw the piano key in the air. Today I haven’t gone to school for 3 or 4 days. I heard the news of getting expelled. Now, I don’t know if I want to be kicked out of the house. I listened hard but I couldn’t hear the keys hitting the ground. No matter how much I have been thinking about it, I couldn’t imagine the sound the piano key would have made. No matter how much time has passed, the piano key would never make a sound again. I will never play the piano again.

Hoseok exchanged the snickers bar which was seen in the MAMA short film to get a birthday cake. 

somehow this cake triggered Hoseok’s past to which his mother abandoned him at the amusement park which was seen in the highlight reel. 

maybe his mother also abandoned him on his birthday hence triggering him to have his Munchausen syndrome to be worse.

Munchausen syndrome, is a type of mental illness in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, he or she has caused the symptoms. Munchausen syndrome is a mental illness associated with severe emotional difficulties. 

Reference

this Munchausen syndrome could be seen in his short film of MAMA, when one of the doctors was observing him etc. 

his fear of abandonment becomes even more prominent later on when one would see that in the Highlight reel, the girl was in a matter of life or death and that Hoseok even sacrificed himself running in the rain to save her, much like she may not even survive hence possibly abandoning Hoseok yet again. not to mention that maybe this girl was the one who filled the empty void of Hoseok in which his own mother should have given love and attention from the very beginning. hence Hoseok has this sense of attachment to her. 

Namjoon exchanged a shard of glass that had the same words as in Prologue ( You Must Survive ) to a black hair tie -the same hair tie seen in the highlight reels

Namjoon has troubles of accepting himself, in a way he has a fear of facing himself, which is why when he sees his own reflection on the shard of glass; much like the one seen in the Yoongi Run JP. MV - he is quick to surrender it to the magic shop. 

interesting that even on that piece of glass, he still has it written that he must survive. a constant reminder that he needs to live with himself; despite the fact that he cant accept himself. 

however, one could also consider this point of view, in which, Namjoon had a fear of his words being disappeared, in a way that he is being forgotten in terms of his speech.

often, it is seen as though Namjoon kept on writing reminders on mirrors of having to survive. he wanted to constantly remind them to keep holding on.  

he has been doing so since in the Prologue etc and even in the HYYH: the Notes, L version.

Namjoon 15 May YEAR 20

As I walked across the storage classroom that became a hideout for those of us who had nowhere to go, I set a few chairs straight. I wiped away the dust off the fallen desk with my palm while I was at it. Endings make people emotional. Today is the last day I go to school. It has been decided 2 weeks earlier that we would move. I didn’t know if I could possibly return. I wasn’t sure if I could see my hyungs or younger brothers.

I folded a piece of paper in half and placed it on a desk, I even got a pencil out but I didn’t know what words to leave behind, and so I let time pass. While I was scribbling useless words, my pencil lead snapped with a sound. “You have to keep living” on the paper with the marks of the graphite lead that I had scribbled with realizing. In between the black dust powder and scribbles were stories of poverty, parents, dongsaengs and moving.

I crumpled the paper and placed it in my pocket and then I stood. I pushed the desk away and the dust rose. As I began to leave, I blew onto the dirty window and wrote three characters. No goodbye would ever be enough yet no matter what I say, it would be conveyed as ‘”Let’s see each other again”. More than it being a promise, it was just a wish.

though Namjoon likes to write these on temporary things, in which they could easily disappear, he was very quick to actually surrender it. 

Jimin exchanged the photo of the trees in the painting labelled Flower Arboretum to an umbrella. 

Reference

interesting, one of the popular ones when you search this on Google is Yangpyeong Wild Flower Arboretum ( 양평 들꽃수목원 ) 

His fear of being cooped up in hospitals and loneliness to one of jealousy as one would see in the highlight reels. easily being jealous of hoseok and of the girl. later on seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version. 

Jimin 3 July YEAR 22

In the end, I sprawled onto the floor. I turned off the music and my surroundings went quiet, all I could hear was the beating of my heart. I pulled out my hand phone and played the choreography dance video that I had learned in the morning. Hyung’s movements were so smooth and accurate in the video.  That was the result of his countless hours and sweat of practicing, and now since I wasn’t anywhere near as him, I was jealous. However, understanding and hoping are different and so I sighed often. Again I stood up. I imitated the turn as he had done it but I kept twisting my steps. I kept on making mistakes at the parts where we have to match the flow. We decide to match again tomorrow but until then I wanted to be seen as serious. Rather that a playful phrase, I wanted to be complimented as ‘better than expected’, I wanted to be recognized as someone who was equal and serious, one that could match with hyung.

Jimin 28 September YEAR 20

I stopped counting the days since I was hospitalized. Counting is something you would do when you want to get out or there is hope of getting out. The trees and leaves were far outside the window and based on the clothes of people, I think that not much time has passed. At most, a month tops. Sometimes I see myself wearing the uniform though it was nothing special.  Maybe it was because of the medicine, everything looked boring and dull.  But today was a special day. The kind of day you write in a diary. However, I didn’t have one and I didn’t want the problems that come with writing in one. Today was the first time I lied. I looked at the doctor’s eyes and pretended to be gloomy. “I don’t remember anything.”

hence, remember in Euphoria, Hoseok eventually left Jimin to save Taehyung, same thing. especially how in MAMA, Hoseok still sees Jimin’s tree painting. 

Jimin afterwards was lonely, and his illness started to exacerbate, even more seen in Euphoria, in which Jimin runs around the cafeteria as if the boys were all there when they aren't. even more so, when getting the umbrella, as seen in the highlight reel, he still gets wet, as if under the pouring rain, the umbrella did nothing to shield his pain since after all, his reality never changed.

Taehyung exchanged something to get the bag possibly the same girl who stole in the convenience store and even took notice of Taehyung’s vandalism efforts who later joined him as well.

this could be seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version. 

Taehyung 25 June YEAR 22

I deliberately delayed my steps as I sensed to the small steps that was following me. This was the 3rdtime already at the convenience store. If there was something different, it was that today they ran away when they saw me. They hung around a vacant spot behind the convenience store but as I turned up, they hid themselves again. They hid themselves well but their shadows were reaching to the front of the store. I let out a laugh. I pretended that I didn’t see but they began to follow me.

I entered a narrow alley. This is the only place in the neighbourhood without a broken streetlamp. The alley was long and the streetlamp was somewhere in the middle with my shadow stretching. The shadow now stretches behind me. It could have been stretching all the way to the person who was following me with ragged breath. I started walking a little bit faster. As I passed the streetlamp, my shadow disappeared beneath my feet. Not long after, a shadow that wasn’t mine appeared on the cement floor. I stopped walking and so did the movements. The two shadows of different heights stopped side by side.

I said, “I’m going to wait until you come here.” The shadow behind me leaped out of shock. Then it became still as if it wasn’t here. “I can see everything.” I pointed to the shadow. The footsteps became nearer and deliberately were noisy. I laughed.

so it seems as though this girl has appeared yet again in the HYYH: the notes. 

for some reason, i have a feeling that Taehyung fears to be his father, i mean this could possibly be wrong; but i am trying to link the HYYH: the notes, V version here yet again. 

Taehyung 22 May YEAR 22

I passed by a pine tree forest as Hyung picked up a phone call and started to lag behind. Nowadays, there were more times like this. He moved far away so that he could pick up the call where others couldn’t eavesdrop. I deliberately slowed down ad hid myself off towards the ocean. Hyung wouldn’t be able to see me when he passed by. “He’s only one year younger than me. No, I don’t really care. Anyway, I’m not going to be the one taking the responsibility, just do whatever is best.”

Something cold slithered down my spine. It felt as if everything in the world crumbled and crashed with a bang. It felt as if I was floating alone in the deep ocean. It was scary and frightening. I was miserable and insignificant. I was angry. I couldn’t contain my anger. I wanted to cause a scene. I wanted to smash something, to hit something, to wreck myself. I was always afraid. That my father’s blood would run in me. I thought that maybe his violence was what I inherited. It seemed that something was stabbing my tight defenses.

this is especially so since in these notes, it is known that Taehyung has quite the temper and anger management issues, but the breaking point of it is when he stood up to his father but ended up murdering him. Taehyung eventually became what he feared - being the man who resort to violence, with the blood of his father flowing through his veins. he exchanged it for the bag that was seen in the highlight reel yet again. 

interestingly, Jungkook exchanged himself to get a key - a key in a pretty glass box, much like Jungkook has been offered Pandora’s Box. 

Pandora's box is an artifact in Greek mythology connected with the myth of Pandora in Hesiod's Works and Days. The container mentioned in the original story was actually a large storage jar but the word was later mistranslated as "box". In modern times an idiom has grown from it meaning "Any source of great and unexpected troubles", or alternatively "A present which seems valuable but which in reality is a curse"

Reference

now, the reason why i say it is Pandora’s box is because of the fact that Jungkook would soon find out all bad things that surrounds them and the boys as he unlocks the door. 

see, Jungkook also had a fear, he had a fear of losing the boys, his brothers. from his own solo song, his love for them has been clearly established. 

죽을 것 같아 형이 슬프면 형이 아프면 내가 아픈 것보다 아파

=

I feel like I’m going to die when hyung is sad When hyung is in pain, it hurts more than when I’m in pain

Reference: Colour Coded ©

hence, he wanted his brothers to happy and so he would do anything for them, even if it meant sacrificing himself.

hence, without any item to offer, he offered himself as a representation of his own fear. now why do i say this? 

asides from the fact that he didn't exchange anything, see, remember how i brought up the whole Omelas kid in the Euphoria theory, what if, all along Jungkook was the Omelas kid after all?

notice how when he entered the room that he unlocked, he was in tattered clothes, much like the boy/girl in the story of The Ones who walk away from Omelas. remember how Omelas was a city in which despite all the happiness, wealth, luck and good there, only one person in the basement is suffering; and now that is none other than Jungkook. 

Jungkook entered a room with 6 clothe stands. one to represent each of the boys. 

in front of him is a man in a black cloak and wearing a mask - possibly the same mask of the magic owner and the same on in Singularity and possibly none other then Kim Taehyung. 

linking this back to my Taehyung and Hoseok Theory,  and also of Jungkook’s HYYH the notes extended theory, and of Singularity Theory, Taehyung is the one that told Jungkook that last line of his notes. 

“Living is more painful than dying, but even so, do you still want to live?”

i have already established that Taehyung could possibly be the devil since who in the right frame of mind actually encourages suicide, which in a way only triggered the whole domino effect of one by one - the boys would take their own lives after Taehyung as seen in the HYYH timeline. 

however, i would also want to bring across the fact that Taehyung could also possibly be the owner of the magic shop, with how his mask fits everything in Singularity etc, so in a way, Taehyung would have known the fates of each go the boys, but yet he still gives them this fictional choice of actually exchanging traits or their fears to their happiness etc. 

this is especially so with how Jungkook entered the room to find 6 bare clothe stands. remember how in Spring Day and highlight reel, there was this whole changing of clothes and washing machine aesthetic?

so to tie it in, with how the magic shop works, by right, there were supposed to received something positive but in the end, their realities either remained the same or worse. just like by changing clothes, the fates of the boys change even if it is one measly top. 

think of this analogy, if one person wears this shirt, the vibe of someone else wearing the exact same shirt is different, even if the difference is insignificant. 

hence, the whole washing machine aesthetic in which they constantly change the clothes to put it on other members and why there is this huge pile of clothes in Spring Day shows the many possibilities; such as Seokjin in the highlight reel.

as such, the magic shop only exchanged these fears, but they dont guarantee that it would be positive in the long run. hence, the magic shop only removed those painful memories temporarily to give them fake ones in the form of this love relationships with girls, hence fake love. 

the magic shop only provided a coping mechanism to deal with their fears, an escape from their cruel and brutal reality, even accepting the fake love to make them forget the pain. 

later, we see again in the higlight reel at 5:20 the importance of Seokjin’s narration. 

“Even if these moments are a lie, I want to stay here.”

it shows that even if these moments are fake, it made the boys happy temporarily at least and they are more than willing to be delusional for these moments. 

however, the ending of the highlight reel is what sums up this whole Love Yourself series. 

“Eventually I have to face. Loving without being afraid. Saying goodbye to hesitancy. Living as myself.”

and overall, to love theirselves. this is especially so since in the highlight reel, Seokjin says this. 

“With myself, I wasn't confident in being loved.”

this is to say that this whole series is meant to heal them, in accepting all their traits and fears and to love themselves in the end. 

[Photo Source] Bighit Entertainment  Credits: maxine ☕️ DO NOT REPOST ©

#personal #networkminjoon #faftheory #fafthoughts #bangtan #bts #seokjin #jin #yoongi #suga #hoseok #hobi #jhope #namjoon #rm #rapmonster #jimin #chimchim #mochi #taehyung #v #jungkook #kookie #nochu #btstheory #bangtantheory #bts theories #bangtan theories #bts theory #bangtan theory

[omgbananasnailus]

You’ll Never Be Alone!! Part 5 -Daryl Dixon x Reader Fanfic-

Just wanted to say sorry it’s taken so long to get this part up, i’ve been away and i’ve not had any chance to get it done. Hope you like it :) 

As always links to all previous parts below :)

Part One     Part Two     Part Three     Part Four

"Y/N have you seen Sophia anywhere" Carl asked suddenly appearing beside me.

I smiled, It was lovely seeing him up and about. He'd been bed ridden and healing from his gunshot wound since I'd joined the group but since he'd finished his antibiotics a couple days ago he'd improved immensely and was frequently seen running around the grounds with Sophia.

"Sorry Pal, last time I saw her she was heading inside with her mother, but that was a while ago"

"Okay.......Thank you" he shouted as he turned and took off running towards the house.

I went back to filling my bag up with a few supplies I may need during the night. It wasn't supposed to be my turn on watch but T-Dog had gone on a run yesterday an Rick had asked me to cover for him before they'd left. I didn't mind though, it was oddly calming sitting alone on top of the RV being able to look out across the fields.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pulling my jacket closer around myself, I shivered slightly from the breeze that seemed to always catch the roof of the RV. The gun that was used on watch felt heavy in my lap. I knew the fundamentals of shooting a gun but my aim was appalling. An even though it was incredibly possible that I wouldn't be able to hit someone or something even if they were two feet in front of me, Rick still trusted me to be on watch. I still didn't know whether that made me feel good or incredibly nervous.

I'd actually been trying to pluck up the courage to ask Daryl to help me with a few pointers, but I always seemed to chicken out at the last moment. An it wasn't like I didn't have enough opportunities either. Since our last run together for the antibiotics he'd been more talkative towards me. Not as much as a normal person would but definitely more in Daryl's case.

"You need some company?"

I turned to the voice to find Dale climbing up the side ladder with a small smile.

I nodded in reply, removing my bag from the second fold up chair next to mine. An he plonked himself down resting his rifle across his lap, the barrel of the gun facing outwards.

"how are you liking the group?"

My eyebrows shot up in surprise at his question.

"what I mean, is..........Lori had mentioned that you'd been on your own for a long time.......how are you getting on being around people again" his smile reassuring as he tried to explain himself.

I relaxed a little. "I can't lie, it's strange" I laughed nervously "but......Good strange"

"It must of been very lonely for you"

"I got by" I shrugged turning to look back out across the fields.

"I can't imagine it......I was alone for a short period before I met Andrea and her sister......Nowhere near as long as you though"

"Andrea has a sister?" I questioned glancing over at Dale nervously, I knew that the answer wouldn't be a happy one and it made me think of Jaime.

"Had......She had a sister"

My heart sank for her, I knew first hand what it was like to lose a sister and I wouldn't wish that pain on even my worst enemy.

I didn't question him further on the subject, I didn't feel like getting into a conversation about Jaime. Dale was lovely, but he also liked to talk and I knew it wouldn't be long before he started asking about my life before the group. But thankfully we sat in comfortable silence looking out over the fields instead, which I was grateful for.

The next morning I couldn't wait to get a few hours shut eye. I unzipped my tent and was just about to crawl in.

"Y/N"

I turned to find Shane towering over me.

"Yes?"

"Why aren't you on watch?" He scolded.

"Erm because I finished ten minutes ago" I replied standing up. There was no way I was letting him think that he could talk to me like a child.

"You can't just leave the RV empty when you decide your finished, you have to wait for someone to take over from you.....Or do you just make your own rules up" he growled getting up into my face.

"Excuse me" I spat back "Andrea took over from me when I left" I pointed a finger towards the RV to drawn his attention to Andrea's form stood on the roof.

"So get your facts straight before you come accusing me of things"

He turned back to me, I could see the fury in his eyes.

"Don't talk to me like that bitch!"

My hands balled into fists at my sides. I wasn't as strong as he was but I sure as hell knew a few places to hit that would cause him some pain.

"Shane!" Daryl appeared next to me.

"Fuck off Redneck" he spat not taking his eyes off me. I could tell he was weighing up the repercussions of hitting me.

"What did yer say ter me??" Daryl growled taking a step towards him.

Shane's stare finally broke from mine, he took one look at Daryl before turning and storming off in the direction of Andrea and the RV.

Relaxing my hands I turned to Daryl to find him already staring at me, a questioning look on his face.

"What did yer say to him?"

"What's that supposed to mean??" I asked annoyed, why did he automatically think that it was my fault. "For your information he started accusing me of leaving watch before anyone took over!"

I didn't wait for him to reply, I turned my back on him and dropped down quickly crawling into my tent.

Once I'd zipped up the door, I laid down pulling my blanket high over my head to block out as much sunlight as possible and it wasn't long before I fell asleep, annoyed at Daryl once again.

As soon as id woken I'd gone for a walk. I knew a few people had seen mine and Shanes encounter and I couldnt be bothered explaining what happened. What if they all thought the way Daryl had an thought it was me that had caused the argument.

I found myself in front of the guns that Rick and T-Dog had just brought back from their run. I grabbed one of the small handguns and made my way around back of the farmhouse. There was a group of bushes that hid a small part of one of the fields from view of the farmhouse. Once out of sight I held the gun up. Looking down the barrel at an imaginary walker.

"What yer doin?"

I quickly lowered the gun blushing from the embarrassment at being caught, especially by Daryl.

"Well?"

I spun around to face him, confident that my cheeks had returned to their normal Colour.

"Nothing" I shrugged as nonchalantly as possible.

"Bullshit"

I wasnt in the mood to explain myself an I was still incredibly mad at him. I started to leave but he grabbed hold of my arm as I tried to barge past him.

"Look I'm sorry about earlier" he muttered not meeting my eye. "I wasn't accusing you....."

"Then what were you doing Daryl?" I asked pulling out of his grip and taking a step back.

"I know what Shanes like, he's a dick"

"Yeah, a dick that's taken a disliking to me"

Daryls eyes finally met mine. "He's dangerous Y/N....... Stay out of his way"

I knew he was right. But I still didn't understand what id done to cause him to hate me so much.

"Hes like it with everyone" Daryl answered my unspoken question.

"Daryl could i ask you a favour?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"I don't do favours darlin"

"Oh come on. You don't even know what it is" I smiled.

Daryl just grunted.

"Would......Would you teach me how to use a gun?" Daryl's head snapped up at my request and I could feel my cheeks were displaying my embarrassment plainly for him to see.

"You do realise that this ain't a gun" He said lifting his crossbow slightly.

"So, you don't know how to use a gun, is that what your saying?"

"No that ain't what I'm sayin"

"Well will you show me then" I asked silently hoping. "Please!?!"

"Tomorrow....... Dawn" he muttered before turning and disappearing round the bushes and out of sight.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

I knew Daryl was the best person to teach me. He didn't stand for any shit, an would tell me straight out if I was doing anything wrong. I also knew that if he deemed me capable then I would trust that I was. I just wanted to be able to protect myself and everybody else properly.

The next morning i woke up at first light. I quickly got dressed before heading out to look for Daryl. I didn't need to look very far though as he was leant against the tree beside my tent, crossbow across his back.

"Yer ready?" He asked pushing himself off from the tree.

We'd been walking for a while and I was beginning to wonder where he was actually taking me.

"How far are we going?" I finally asked.

"We need to go far enough that the gunshots don't draw any unwanted attention to the farm"

I hadn't thought of that. In fact I hadn't really thought this through at all.

"Aren't you on watch later though?"

"I spoke to Rick, someone else is covering for me" he replied pushing a branch to the side so we could pass.

"I'm sorry, i didnt realise how big an ask this was" I apologised.

"Yer wanna protect yerself........nothin wrong with that"

"Not just myself......." I stated "i want to be able to help protect everyone" Daryl didn't reply just gave me a look I couldn't read before stopping when we reached a large clearing. It was mostly flat with grass covering the ground, with a handful of large rocks and tree stumps scattered around.

"Here's good" He said shrugging off his crossbow and leaning it against a nearby tree stump.

He straightened up and pulled a handgun from the waist band of his jeans.

"Here" He said extending his hand, offering me the gun.

I took it from him cautiously. Yesterday had been the first time id held a gun, so it still felt unusual in my hand. I secured my grip on it, trying to get accustomed to the weight. It was both terrifying and oddly exciting knowing what I could actually do with this weapon.

The clinging of mental hitting rock got my attention an i looked up to find Daryl lining up the last of five tin cans along a nearby rock.

"They're yer targets" He said coming to stand beside me. "Try and hit one"

"But......." I didn't know if I was ready. An the realisation of the fact that I was gonna be using some of our limited ammo worried me.

"Y/N just try"

I raised the gun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Yer aiming too far right again"

My hold on the gun sagged a little.

"God Daryl, give me a break! This is only the second time I've actually held a gun" I shot Daryl a scowl.

"Yea but yer aims still shit darlin"

I turned my gaze back to the tin cans, trying to focus as I lined my gun up again.

"Yer doin it all wrong" he huffed

I tensed slightly as Daryl came and stood behind me. He hesitated for a moment before his arms came around and his hands captured mine holding the gun steady.

He was extremely careful not to have anything but his arms touching me.

I could feel Daryl's breath on my ear, it was incredibly distracting and for a moment i completely forgot what we were actually doing.

I realised Daryl was talking and began to panic, I hadn't heard a word of anything he'd been saying.

"An then you pull the trigger" His finger pressed against mine and before I knew it we'd fired the gun and one of the tin cans tumbled off the rock.

"See" he said coming to stand back at the side of me.

I knew I had to take this seriously and because of that I also knew that I needed to come clean.

"Daryl....I didn't actually hear what you said then" I could feel the blush creeping across my cheeks once more, which was becoming a reacurring theme when around Daryl.

"What?" He asked clearly confused.

"You distracted me" I mumbled not meeting his eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him before he had chance.

"Let's just pretend that didn't happen and spare my embarrassment.....please!"

I could feel his gaze on me but I still couldn't bring myself to look up.

"Fine" I could hear the crinkle of his leather vest as he shrugged.  

He began to repeat his instructions but thankfully this time he stayed stood at the side of me, pretending he had an imaginary gun in his hand. I found it incredibly amusing but brushed it aside so that I could take it as seriously as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I squeezed the trigger taking an involuntary step back from the kickback.

"Yer grips still too tight"

Frustration bubbled up inside of me towards both myself and Daryl. We'd been out here a while, only taking a break earlier to have something to eat and a drink of water.

I replanted my feet and squared my shoulders like Daryl had shown me. Aiming at the middle can I squeezed the trigger. This time the kick back only causing my eyes to shut momentarily, which was a improvement. An when i opened them again the can was gone.

"Knew yer could do it" Daryl said with a shrug but I could see the hint of a smile across his lips.

After that something must of clicked because I managed to hit the targets, well most of them. Daryl had also agreed to try me on moving targets when we had chance to.

"How did you know I could shoot?" Daryl asked as we made our way back to the farmhouse. The sun just beginning to set.

"I've seen you use your crossbow......There's no way you cant use a gun with how good you are with that thing" I stated jabbing my thumb in the direction of it slung across his back.

"Guns ain't crossbows"

"I'm not stupid Daryl..... Just take what i said about your skills as a compliment like any normal person would and shut up" I laughed.

"I don't do compliments" He grumbled.

"Ive noticed"

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon walkingdead fanfiction #daryl x reader #walking dead fanfiction #The Walking Dead #walking dead #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon x you

[illidria]

Can you write 9 with Buccaneer who tells someone his hard childhood? You've got the choice for who is the somenone

Hey @juliaepavic, it is finally done :D

Sorry for the long hold-up, as always with fics like this I contacted my favourite guys to come over and explain things to me, so the fic can be vague, but not wrong or disrespectful. (Good news: they like my new ricecooker, bad news: I’m out of rice)

Should something have been “lost in translation”, be offensive because I used the english language wrong or didnt know a word had a second meaning, please write me, as english isnt my first language.

Warning for talked-about suicide and implied child abuse.

God, all of this sounds horrible, but I hope you like it anyway, even though it’s somewhat different from what you probably imagined.

Thank you for the prompt and.... have fun?

“Are you alone Ma’am?”

The voice sounded like it tried to soundforcibly calm, with a tension in it that spoke of fear. A man it was, clearly,but he`d heard steps of more people.

He heard his mother mutter, sounding scaredbeyond believe.

“WE ASKED YOU SOMETHING!”

The second man was fear personified,screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Please,I know nothing. I know nothing. What do you want?!”

He heard the tears in his mother’s voice,finally spilling now that he was well out of sight.

“WHAT ARE YOU SAYING …? SPEAK CLEARLY, YOUSPY!”

He did not know one of the words the mansaid, but understood that it wasn’t something nice. And he called his mother aspy, his father had explained to him what that was, but he knew his mothercouldn’t be one. She wore no trench coat, she never sneaked around. And shewouldn’t be so afraid now.

“Gardner! Keep calm! Maybe she doesn’tspeak amestrian? We should call in the translator!”

The first man spoke again, so desperatelytrying to keep calm. He felt afraid himself, wanted to protect his mother fromthese men, but she`d asked him to stay in the cellar. To not make a sound,whatever happens.

“Please,please, I don’t know what you want! Please, I don’t know anything!”

He heard steps again, softer, knew that hismother had moved. And then he heard a gun. Silently he hoped that his fatherand his brothers had returned, were scaring the men away.

“God damn Gardner! Are you out of yourmind?!”

He heard scrambling feet, the first manrepeatedly shouting at his partner to help him. He could hardly do anything inhis hideout, did not understand what was happening. Had his father returned,were the men so scared because of his big gun? And why wasn’t his mother sayinganything? Was she too afraid?

“Philip, now stop it! She`s beyond helpnow. Let`s get going!”

The other man retorted, angrily, almost asdistressed as his mother had sounded a few moments ago.

“You think this is a joke Gardner?! Didn’tyou see the toys? She was a mother, has kids, no drachman spy! Just someoneliving here, scared out of her mind! And you have my word, what you`ve donetoday, will not go without consequences!”

The other man huffed, screaming right back.He heard the fear, worse than before.

“Growing soft Philip? Just because you`vegot a couple of brats of your own? Try to have me demoted, I dare you!”

A scuffle, then the sound of the door. Hewaited for ten minutes, counted to ten as often as he could stand to and thenwent upstairs.

His mother looked like she was sleeping,but did not answer when he tried to wake her. There was blood, lots of it, onher dress and on her pants and on the floor. He lay down next to her, notunderstanding what was happening.

When his fathercame home an hour later, a man in a blue uniform with him, he hadn’t understoodwhy his father started to cry.

“Who died, thatyou cut your hair? Your dignity?”

He should`veexpected things to go this way, wondered why he ever thought that it could bedifferent. He`d been given the choice after this last school year: military orback to the “reservation”, working the mines. His father let go of the bottle,straightened himself up in his chair and looked at him, like he was a stain onthe wall.

The father ofhis childhood would’ve probably understood his decision. This one didn’t.

“A friend fromthe school. Anik, Apaata’s son.”

He held hisfather’s angry gaze. He’d wanted to utilize this visit, talk to his brothers,who’d chosen differently. Wanted to speak with the elders of the community,visit some friends. Cry together with Anik’s mother, mourn the loss of oneperson more claimed by the horrors of re-education. He’d be trained in NorthCity soon, had been given family-leave by a Major, too understanding forBuccaneers liking. Time to visit would be sparse, the will to, too.

“He heard thatyou turned traitor? Probably died of the pain that it caused him! Anotherbrother of his, willing to shoot up innocents!”

His anger rose,but did nothing more than take his heart and strangle it. He`d chop firewoodlater, would relieve himself of this feeling that way. Forcefully he pulled hiseyes away from where his mother had lain. His father’s moods he’d lived withfor years, was accustomed to them when met with the teachers and “caregivers”at the boarding school. Though silently conforming in all horrible situations,he’d learned never to forget who he was. Silent rebellion, his oldest brotherhad said with a conspiratorial smile. The last two years without them, had beensilent hell.

Staying calm,something he’d never managed before to such an extent, he felt his resolvestrengthen.

“He hunghimself in the schools’ chapel.”

There was nomalicious intent inside of him, only the desire that his friends’ death shouldbe respected. And the knowledge, that his own decision was right. Anik had alwaysloved to be outside, had longed to see the sky, suffocating inside the stuffyrooms, the strange clothing, the constant disrespect to their gods. Theknowledge of what was happening to their parents and loved ones back home, howit changed them, sometimes seemed to force hands. The differences too much to take. Anik hadunderstood, that he hadn’t wanted to go back.

His father tookanother swig, silenced.

“I think there’ssomething under your feet.”

He stoppedwalking, lifted one foot after the other and looked at his soles. Turningaround to her, he shrugged.

“Nothing out ofthe ordinary.”

She let it slide,sure she’d seen something, but willing to wait until she had him close. Watchedhim walk around, towelling his long hair after a shower, pulling on someboxers, shaving with the bathroom-door ajar. When he finally plopped down nextto her on the bunk, she didn’t even try to hide her goal.

He laughed.

“There’s nothingstuck to my feet, Liv.”

Making sureanyways, her fingers ghosted over thin scars, looking him in the eye, an unsaidquestion in them that he could decline without a problem. He sat himself downmore comfortably, watched her like a hawk when she settled against the otherside of the bed, watching him equally as closely.

“You already knowthat I went to a boarding school, thanks to an education act, endorsed by themilitary?”

She nodded,remembering their talk well, stuck in a cave with him and some other cubs,their patrol seeking shelter from a sudden snowfall. A flask had made therounds and some talked, among them Buccaneer and one of the cubs, both ofmountain-tribe descent.

All children ofthe tribespeople were to be schooled in boarding schools, schedule and contentschosen by the amestrian military. The lands of their families were heavily cutback, fenced and their usual income, caribou breeding and herding, seized. Hisfather worked in a mine now, as had the other cubs. Access to alcohol, usuallyreserved for high festivities, became plentiful. The depressed episodes ofmany, started through the fighting that brought on these changes, theoccupation through the military and the many deaths following it, deepened withan addiction adding to them.

Word of mouthwas, that the boarding schools were hell. But that day they hadn’t talked aboutit, the cub panicking at the notion alone. She`d made it possible for him totalk to a psychiatrist in North City, after pulling some strings. Miles andBuccaneer had alerted her to more cubs, in need of help. She’d done her best tomake it possible.

“They did that?”

She tried to keepa neutral tone, wanted him to tell his story in peace. Did not want to colourhis words with her emotions, expectations.

His usuallycheerful voice, sounded uncharacteristically grim.

“We had to get upat a certain time every morning. If you weren’t up, they`d hit your feet with acane. I overslept sometimes.”

She felt sick toher stomach, understanding how deep, how hard they must’ve hit, for the scarsto be so stark against his skin. And to think that he was a kid at the time.

He shrugged.

“It’s not theworst thing, really. Are you sure you want to hear more?”

She wasn’t, but nodded anyway.

Braiding hisson’s hair was one of his most favourite past-times.

They’d raisedtheir kids like the wild mix they were, running between traditions and culturesand their best interests. Valentin right now, was no exception. With the thickblack hair of his father, so tall that he already towered over his mother, yetwith a face more angular, softer and beautiful, that many turned in the streetupon seeing him. He usually shied away, not liking the attention,self-conscious beyond believe since hitting puberty. He was their second, theirmiddle one, fifteen and old enough to ask about and understand the bad things.

The scars on thesoles of his father’s feet. The trips to his grandfather, living close to theborder, his father and uncles always flinching when he opened a bottle ofwater. Why a certain street in North City was avoided and why they took part inrituals to free trapped spirits at least once a year.

Why his fatherhad been so staunchly against sending him to a boarding school, even thoughhe’d desperately wanted to go.

They’d talkedabout that, often while he braided his son’s hair, proud that the boy knew somuch, wanted to know so much, understood his father’s past. Took what helearned and in turn thought on a broader scale, discussed more informed andwanted to help those that had to endure such things. He was a compassionateboy, would grow up to be a good man and a good person.

Halfway throughthe long mass of hair, his son’s questions started to pour.

“Someone atschool asked me today, why I don’t cut my hair short.”

A slight smilecame to Buccaneers face, the sob-smile his wife called it, content andsentimental all at once.

“And what did yousay?”

He saw his sonshrug.

“That we only cutit short after a great loss, when someone we love dies for example. Or whensomething bad for the whole community happens and you want to show that ithurts you, even though it might not afflict you directly.”

Buccaneer nodded,approvingly. His son had listened and understood. Yet, he’d not gotten to hisquestion.

“You rememberthat well. And what is it that you want to know?”

His son squirmedbefore him, seeming like an adult a moment ago, now more like his littlebrother, equipped with more energy than a normal human should probably have.

“Grandpa told me,that when you joined the military at sixteen, you cut off all of your hair.”

He heard the“why?” in his son’s words, took his time before answering. Calmly he spoke,pausing often, taking care with his words. Making sure to answer all asked, andun-asked questions.

“Father probablydoesn’t remember, as it was so long ago. A friend of mine died, after we werefinally discharged from the boarding school. I choose the military, because Ididn’t want to live in the occupied lands. Didn’t want to become a miner,either. Maybe I was equipped with a good portion of idealism too.”

Chuckling, helistened to his son laugh, somewhat raspy, voice breaking often at the moment. Hespoke some more, putting the finishing touches to Valentin’s braid, the boysurely wanting to get going soon.

“My brothersthought that I’d forsaken our way of life, cut my hair because of that. I thinkfather thinks that to this day, but that wasn’t the reason. My friend, Anik washis sacred name, committed suicide. He could not piece together the things hisparents had taught him, with what the people at the boarding school taught him.He couldn’t fathom that he was right just the way he was, not some abominationbecause he was a tribesman. I’d tried my very best to help him, but it hadn’tbeen enough. He hung himself, in the school’s chapel. I shaved my head afterthat. Do you understand now?”

Cutting of yourhair meant mourning, shaving it off signified guilt, Valentin knew that.

“Sometimes we can’tdo anything, even if we want to, right?”

His son turned,braid finished, taking it in his hands, playing with it. Avoiding his father’sgaze after his wistful question.

Buccaneer nodded.

“Sometimes you can’tdo anything, sometimes you shouldn’t do anything, and sometimes, you just shouldbe a friend and listen to what people say, ask if they are alright and do whatyou can.”

And finally, theblue eyes of his son, so much looking like his mothers, found his. He smiled atValentin, who smiled back slightly. Before he could say something, the boythrew his arms around him in a tight hug.

“Thank you, Dad!”

He hugged himback just as tight.

[priestcatte-blog]

Sini’s Dark Knight story part 4

Sini would now leave the mansion more often, not only to go visit his love in the Goblet, but also to meet with the Dark Knight in La Noscea, to train away from prying eyes several times a week. The Jackals would not like having a broody stranger around the mansion and garden, and the wilderness had much more space and privacy. As per the Knights advice, Sini fought with a simple greatsword now that Bert had made for him, and he was slowly making progress.

It was a truly cheesy name, Dark Knight, Sini thought to himself as he crossed swords with the older Keeper again, but he couldnt think of a better name. The man had told Sini his name by now, Ome'a Molkot, but being mentor and pupil Sini wasn't gonna call him that. And the guy was clad in a blackened heavy armor after all... Sini had asked him once why, and the reply had been: "There are several like me, i know that much, but they don't all look like 'Dark Knights'. That's just a name people made up because it's so ominous and mysterious. And many of us are not much liked either. But i digress... this armors colour is just coincidence, personal preference. Some look like normal Knights. Some look nothing like Knights at all, more like commoners, but that doesn't change what they are and do." Sini already knew what they all had in common, the fight against injustice and the use of the so called 'dark arts', a technique they developed in Ishgard in secrecy. Sini knew that much already, so he didnt have to ask his mentor about that. He had already made some visits to Ishgard, to see the seminarium and learn more about the ishgardian way of priesthood, and at these occasions he secretly looked some of the stories about these 'Dark Knights' up.

He would ask about the Dark Arts at some point, maybe, probably... he didn't plan to yet. For now it was important to simply learn how to fight well with a greatsword and armor. Sini had told him about his first succesful, real fight. It had been on the bridge in lower La Noscea, where Sini and Shin, together with some friends of hers, had to fight off a group of scoundrels who wanted to get rid of her. Among these, Sini succesfully fought and killed a Hyur with a greatsword, an Elezen swordsman and a Roegadyn with an axe. All in teamwork with Shin and her friends of course. Why all Roes seemed to fight with axes was a curiosum that probably would keep puzzling scholars for ages... In any case, this earned Sini the approval and respect of his mentor. Good job and keep it up, the usual words one would expect. But also "Seems i were not wrong with my estimation of you." Well that was nice to hear.

But training would continue further of course, and so it did on this day too. Although Sini didn't seem very concentrated. They were sparring, training moves and reactions, as his mentors sword slammed against the protection on Sini's upper right arm. They lowered their weapons and Ome'a took off his helmet. "Get yourself together, you are not really here, not in the fight with your thoughts! Are you thinking about your sweetheart again?" Sini held his right arm in pain, but a wide grin spread on his lips nonetheless as he thought about Shin. He could hear Ome mumble something about "worst priest...", but Sini shook his head. "No... no, it's not her, actually... we got trouble in our company. Nothing i should share with outsiders..." The older Miqo'te nodded, and gestured him to follow him to the side, where they took a break standing in the shadow beneath a tree. "Yeah, thats understandable... but it eats at you, it seems." Sini leaned his sword against the bark, and rubbed his neck while looking away. "Yeah, well... it's someone i don't have a problem with usually... her name is Thya. You fought with her in the job you gave us." He nodded again, remembering. His interest was peaked. "Ah, yes... i do remember her. Fights similar to me, i am quite curious how she learned the arts... but it's not that which worries you, right? You knew about that." "Yeah... you cannot miss it when fighting with her, and i did. But no... it's something else. I just... i won't talk about it. But i feel like i cannot trust her anymore. For Reasons i cannot disclose. And that makes everything... complicated of course... I still have to work with her. Wavering trust is a problem, but i see no way how this can be solved easily." "Hm... yeah... thats bad..." The old man sat down, his armor creaking a little. He flicked his black furred ears and looked back to Limsa Lominsa, the cityscape visible in the distance. They fell silent for a moment, with only the sound of the wind and the sheep grazing nearby reaching their ears.

"I will be honest, i don't know a simple solution either. Or any advice. It's a shitty situation, but there's no help beside her regaining your trust. However she could accomplish that, i don't know the details..." Sini sighed, running a hand throuhg his grey hair and sitting down with his back against the tree. "I know... i will figure something out." Ome'a suddenly grinned, and looked back to Sini'to. "Heh, i was gonna say, i can maybe give you something to distract you from that. But i guess you have plenty of distraction with your sweetheart already, whenever you want." Sini smiled again. Yes, he had been very happy lately, before the thoughts about Thya and her family clouded his mind, but it had been pretty obvious still. And it was a nice feeling to see when people were happy for him. "But i am a curious sort... you can still show me. What did you have in mind?"

The old man reached for something under his armor, a little bag that he seemingly always had close to his body. He opened it and took a small black crystal out, adorned with a golden symbol. It was fitting into his palm perfectly. "Do you know what this is?" Sini straightened up a little, raising his brows. "Yes... that's a soulstone, no? I heard they are pretty rare. But i read about them. That little symbol differentiates it from a gem." Ome'a nodded. "Yes, smart one. It's my soulstone. I got this one from my master, the one who picked me up from the brume after my mother died and trained me. He got it from his master and where he got it from, i have no idea. I assume some Knights just started to make these, like other soulstones that are around, to pass them on. Like we do with our art. Master, apprentice, master, apprentice, and so on... So you know what it can do." Sini leaned forward, inspecting the stone curiously. He nodded slowly, hesitant. "Yes... i assume it could allow someone to learn your dark arts, as you called them... i have spoken with Thya about it once. She said it's a dark force inside you, that you can harness to empower yourself, but you have to be careful... the price to pay is an internal struggle. She called it a voice in your head, that speaks to you and wants to make you do things, or even take over herself... but then again it's not really just some voice, it's still you. It's another you, but still you. Part of you. She said it's hard to describe..." "Hmm, yes..." The black haired keeper held the small stone up betwen his index and thumb, tilting his head a little as he watched it. It was slightly heart shaped and deep black, like the purest Onyx Sini had ever seen, the light shining on its polished surface. "That's one way to put it. I also heard it does differ from person to person, and manifests differently for different people. She is right, it's nothing from outside, it's all you. So you don't need to worry about that, you don't get a voice in your head. It is like... urges and desire. You know? We all have urges, but of course, we don't just give in to them. We are civilized, we know what we can do and what we better shouldn't do. We fight our urges. It is like that, just stronger. Go ahead, bash that guys face in. He deserves it! Make him pay. Who cares about the people staring? Just let him feel the pain, pay him back tenfold, nay, hundred! Like that. For example."

He was very calm as he talked about it like that, and Sini watched him with a frown, not sure what to think. "You can control it. You learn that. It's not much different then than controling our daily urges. It's just when we tire and slip that it gets dangerous. If the urges take control of us, if we go and bash that guys head in, we have to live with the consequences. But... the powers it can grant are very, very useful... you might have already seen some of the things one can do with it from your friend Thya." He held it out for Sini, looking him straight in the eyes. "You'll have already guessed it by now, i want to give it to you. I had an apprentice once, but he died, and now im old and dont want to go through that again, and i dont know if i would even live long enough. But you are smart, you are capable, and you can make good use of the things i show and teach you. You're not a warrior, but a mage... you have to learn to fight, but the powers and magics you will learn with this stone will be much easier for you, i am sure. You are smart, you can figure it out. And i figure using the magics the dark arts grant will be very useful for you. You can, no you must incorporate them into your fighting. That's what makes a 'so called Dark Knight' much better than any other ordinary fighter. You could use magical shields, for example. But as said, you'll prolly have seen from your friend what else it can do..."

Sini was staring at the stone with a frown. He was clearly hesitant, reaching out but not taking it yet. "I don't know... Thya said there's no going back." Ome'a shrugged. "That's true, i guess. I never tried. But yeah, i guess think good about it. Go ahead, you can take it, it wont just go and imbue you with scary dark powers. It won't do anything unless you concentrate on it." "You don't need it anymore?" "No... it literally only teaches you. It's filled up with... the experiences of its former bearers, to say it in lack of a better description. I can't describe how it works, but you can learn with it, things just seem to come to you naturally with it. I already know everything, i know how to use the Darkness. You don't need to stone for it, it just shows you how. And i will give it to you anyway, if you decide to learn it or not. I'm old, as said, and i rather give it away before i die somewhere and it gets lost. Even if you don't use it, you can give it to someone else." Sini nodded and sighed, reaching for the stone and taking it. It felt cold in his hand, and smooth, not different to any other gem. Unconsciously, with his other hand he reached for the glas encased pieces of topaz that were hanging on a chain around his neck, a gift made by Shin. They were the broken remains of the gem with which he always had summoned his carbuncle Puff, since his childhood. Symbol of his lifelong practised arcanism, that was failing on him now and again lately.

He nodded to the old Knight and closed his fist around the soulstone, his voice steadfast. "Alright. You are entrusting me with something important to you. I thank you, and promise to make or find good use of it. I apprecaite it."   The other keeper smiled faintly. "Heh. Well... thanks for taking care of my legacy, so to say." He got up and stretched, holding his back like a typical old man. He looked back to the City in the distance again, and Sini swore the Knight even got a bit melancholic. "It's a chain of tradition that goes on and on, and should be kept going...keep the art alive and all that. It's like life, really. Old teach the new, things get passed on from generation to generation, and so on and so on..." He gazed out into the distance and fell silent, and Sini could only imagine the things that probably went through the old keepers head. What if his life had taken different turns? What if he had grown up in the shroud instead? What if he, instead of leading a vigilante life, had settled down and got a family? Who knew, who knew... what if, could have been, all that didn't matter in the end... Life was what it was right now, and none of us could change the past. Ome'a chuckled and shook his head, probably thinking just the same as Sini right now.

He took his helmet and put it back on his head. Now he was the image of a Dark Knight again, gone was the old man, hidden beneath a blackened suit of armor and only for few to know. "Heh. Thanks again. See you around next time. And don't die, alright? Would be a shame. Your sweetheart would be sad." With that, he strode off, towards Limsa Lominsa, leaving Sini behind underneath that tree. The grey priest in a training suit of armor followed the Knight with his gaze until he was out of sight, sitting there and pondering.

#ffxiv #roleplay #balmung

[actualltr4sh]

its been a while since i did oneuhdeez

basics what’s your name ➔ zarina do you have a nickname ➔ ‘z’ usually do you have a middle name ➔ i dew do you like your name ➔ luv  do people often mispronounce your name ➔ yeah, i get “serena” a lot but i cut that shit out do you like the meaning of your name ➔ luv. it means golden so that’s fire when is your birthday ➔  01/15 how old are you ➔ 5′4 do you like your age ➔ it’s okay. i’m old lmao what’s your zodiac sign ➔ good cap!

appearance what’s your hair colour ➔ blackityblackblackblack is your current hair colour your natural hair colour ➔ yeth do you dye your hair ➔ i have before, i don’t make a habit of it though do you have natural highlights ➔ nerp when was the last time you had a haircut ➔ recently! like a month ago lol what length is your hair right now ➔ um the back of it is like at the base of my neck but the front is short lol do you have straight, wavy or curly hair ➔ nigger curls boo do you have frizzy hair ➔ not usually do you use a curling iron ➔ not usually do you use a hair straightener ➔ not usually do you braid your hair ➔ almost always lmao what’s your eye colour ➔ brown do your eyes change colour ➔ this is not a john green novel lol do you wear contacts ➔ never!! if so, do you use colour contacts or regular contacts ➔ NEVER!! do you wear glasses ➔ yes i can not fucking see bro lmao do you have naturally long eyelashes ➔ not really ;/ they look so bare lol do you wear braces ➔ no do you have dimples ➔ no do you have moles ➔ a few, none on my face tho do you have outstanding cheekbones ➔ kinda? not really. i got a good jaw tho do you have freckles ➔ nerp. love em though do you have piercings ➔ i lost some :( i have 8 now do you have tattoos ➔ 6?? do you wear make up ➔ just my eyebrows cus i dont have any lol do you paint your nails ➔ sometimes. whenever im feeling edgy do you wear jewelry ➔ bracelets normally but my wrist just broke out so not now are you happy with your height ➔ it’s fine. im not like short but im not tall either

personality would you consider yourself outgoing or shy ➔ super shy and anxious baybee are you sarcastic  ➔ i used to be a lot worse but its toned down a lot. too anxious LMAO what’s your biggest fear ➔ being in a car accident.. didn’t used to be number 1 but now? yep what’s your guilty pleasure ➔ coke. not like cocaine but coca cola LMAO are you religious ➔ meh do you get easily along with people ➔ typically! do you cry easily ➔ if i cry a lot is that the same thing as crying easily? idk. i be stressed though lmao

school do you go to middle school ➔ like now??? do you go to high school ➔ ?????? do you go to a private school ➔ no lol are you home schooled ➔ nope have you gratuated from school ➔ ya ya ya ya yaaaa what grade are you in ➔ done done done done doneeeee have you skipped a grade ➔ nope have you been held back a grade ➔ almost! freshman year of high school was whooping my ASS okay have you ever failed a class  ➔ bitch several have you been sent to the principals office ➔ not to my knowledge have you skipped school ➔ yeah i used to be tripping have you cheated on a test ➔ how else would i have gotten my degree lol

family do you live with your biological parents ➔ hell nope do you get along with your parents ➔ mehhhhh my dad yeah my mom not really do you tell your parents everything ➔ man hell no lol do you have strict parents ➔ growing up my mom was v strict do you have siblings ➔ 5! are you the oldest ➔ nerp are you in the middle ➔ almost are you the youngest ➔ pretty much?? but not really are all of your grandparents still alive ➔ um... on my dads side maybe?? i think so

friendships do you have a best friend ➔ yeth  do you have more than 10 friends ➔ yall funny as fuck do you have at least 2 friends you can trust with your life ➔ i guess. i dont even trust myself with my life if we being real lmao do you have a lot of guy friends, a lot of girl friends or equal girl and guy friends ➔ i dont have a lot of friends period its probs equal or more girls do you text with your friends a lot ➔ two of them i talk to almost every day!

relationships what’s your relationship status ➔ dolla dolla bill yall! have you ever been in love ➔ i have and bitch oowee do you believe in love at first sight ➔ idk lmao have you ever been in a relationship ➔ one serious one and like some other shit have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ idk issa secret boo have you ever been asked out on a date ➔ yesss have you ever been kissed ➔ yeah the hoes love it have you ever made out with someone ➔ i haveeee have you ever been cheated on ➔ kinda. he got me on a technicality and that shit fucked me UP have you ever been proposed to ➔ no i hope so one day!! do you want to get married ➔ WIFE ME do you want kids ➔ one seems like enough but what if they get only child syndrome? you have to have 2 for their sanity lmao

country where were you born ➔ ugh where do you live right now ➔ UGH have you ever been out of the country ➔ canada lmao do you prefer country or city ➔ city me please do you like sightseeing ➔ sure! is one or more of your parents from another country ➔ yeth what places would you like to visit  ➔ antiguaaaaa are you fluent in more than one language ➔ black what languages can you speak ➔ colored and white if we being real LMFAOOO i be code switching like a mf

health do you have any allergies ➔ naw cuh are you lactose intolerant ➔ man hell yeah that shit is a serious barrier  have you had surgery ➔ noooo hopefully never have you had stitches ➔ no & never have you broken a bone ➔ no & never! bitch i be chilling has someone close to you died of a disease ➔ not to my knowledge.. wait yes im an asshole for forgetting do you exercise a lot  ➔ this is a joke

experiences have you ever had a near death experiene ➔ a few :/ have you ever been on a plane ➔ a couple times! have you ever had an allnighter ➔ freshman year lmao have you ever been to school/work after a sleepless night ➔ FRESHMAN YEAR have you ever been in a physical fight ➔ kinda lmao have you ever been to a wedding ➔ yesss i wanna go to one again so bad I LOVE LOVE have you ever been to a funeral ➔ :(  have you ever lived in a different country ➔ no have you ever been drunk ➔ i be fucked up have you ever been trick or treating ➔ yes free candy is weird but its cool lmao have you ever been in a school play ➔ i was in crew in HS lol have you ever been to a camp ➔ no actually why didnt i have that summer camp lifestyle in middle school have you ever driven a car ➔  barely bitch

skills how many languages are you fluent in ➔ i told you have you ever read a book in another language ➔ no can you roll your tongue ➔ not really? can you braid hair ➔ nope lmao can you do a handstand ➔ eye can

habits do you crack your knuckles ➔ not as much as i used to? if i do i really dont even notice it lmao do you bite your nails ➔ noooo do you bite your lips ➔ noooo

favourites what’s your favourite movie ➔ it’s different all the time today we’ll say bring it on lmao what’s your favourite tv show ➔ greys anatomy s1-8.. gotta clarify this new shit wack what’s your favourite book ➔ the mothers x britt bennett  what’s your favourite song ➔ idk... lets say my boy builds coffins Florence & the machine what’s your favourite colour ➔ blk what’s your favourite animal ➔ zebra. owl.  what’s your favourite season ➔ fall or spring!!

this or that summer or winter ➔ ugh honestly neither  day or night ➔ night me pls cats or dogs ➔ dog rain or shine ➔ rainnnn if im inside watching tv, sun if i have shit to do lol coffee or tea ➔ coffeeeee i don’t like tea that much tbh lol reading or writing ➔ writing probs humorous or serious ➔ humor me brown or blue eyes ➔ brwn single or group dates ➔ single i have too much anxiety for that lol texts or calls ➔ i think i like talking otp more but i genuinely hate both unless i love you driving or walking ➔ i walk everywhere if i can but cars are more efficient lol

last last phone call ➔ an apartment complex lol last text ➔ “her family pimpin her out smh” somebody said this about an old lady!!  last song you listened to ➔ savage x meg  last thing you ate ➔ some wack ass chips lmao last thing you drank ➔ raspberry lemonade last purchase ➔ the wack ass chips and the lemonade lol last time you cleaned your room ➔ technically a few weeks ago when i moved out lol last time you’ve been on a date ➔ january? yeah january

#about me #doing these used to be soo fun lmao #my answers are almost always the same but who cares