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violetemerald · 6 months

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Happy (belated) Ace Week, Gilmore Girls fans! 💜🖤🤍

So I started headcanoning Luke as heteroromantic asexual but of course he has no idea he’s asexual or what asexuality means. I also headcanon Rory as demisexual (hetero-demisexual) too. I can explain why… but it would be more fun maybe to explain in fic form. To analyze them from the characters’ own perspective instead of my perspective kind of a thing.

I genuinely would love to write a fic exploring either or both of these things! However… um…

*Sigh* so it’s hard to know how to broach this when Gilmore Girls was so queer-unfriendly of a show, even with a gay main character (Michel) who was in all 8 seasons (8 if you count the revival). The show avoided directly acknowledging his being gay for most of the show, while indirectly acknowledging it every chance they could and making his whole characterization one of mostly comic relief and the butt of all sorts of types of jokes. They very rarely took him seriously as a character. And he was sidelined; not a member of the town in any real way.

But I’m a queer person who has adored Gilmore Girls for nearly 20 years. I still adore so much about it. Started watching it when I was 14 years old and season 4 was wrapping up airing, and I’m 33 years old now. I didn’t know at the time that I was queer, or that my type of queer identity was even an option—I’m a sex-averse asexual but I’m also gray-panromantic, interested in dating people of all genders, and as a woman I have dated other women and a nonbinary person, and I have a lot of queer friends and acquaintances that span nearly every LGBTQ+ identity. This week during Ace Week 2023 marks the 10 year anniversary for me of coming out to myself as asexual. It’s hard to still be so attached to a show that is so cisnormative and heteronormative—and that’s not even mentioning all the queerphobia they wrote into the show via jokes.

During my most recent rewatch of the entire series around December 2020 into February 2021, when I got to somewhere in season 4 I decided to start taking notes of every time queerness is at all referenced, every transphobic and homophobic joke, etc.

Part of me wants to find a way to salvage that Lorelai joked about liking women herself because actually she was bisexual, like this fits in as a headcanon that the reason she joked so often about it was because it was on her mind for other reasons. I don’t even know if she joked about it that often but fairly often. A lot of the queerphobic jokes generally came from her? But certainly not all. But her jokes sometimes include herself as into women and it just makes you think “What if she really was? All this time?”. Lorelai also teases many other characters, especially Luke quite often, but sometimes people like Sookie or Rory, and implies they are gay or queer in some other way.

Rory seemed to be much less canonically homophobic and transphobic. She cut her mother off once when her mother was teasing her homophobically and calls the jokes “inappropriate” even and part of this is just Rory didn’t have the same kind of sense of humor as most of the other characters. She seemed less amused by life, by even their jokes, but especially her characterization was just being a person less likely to crack a joke herself. She did tease Paris in ways that evoked referencing queer things or lesbians but I’m not sure Rory’s humor crossed the line of being actually anti-being queer in any way. Some of this humor is more chuckling at double entendres in English rather than chuckling at the existence of queer people? Like Paris saying she’s sleeping with a girl and Rory bringing up The L Word in reaction.

Actually, though, looking back through my notes for season 4-ish till the end, a lot of characters don’t come up much, or the way they come up is in a different context. Jess actually… I don’t think he ever once cracked a queerphobic joke nor laughed at one. He was the butt of two in season 4 (both from TJ). I hadn’t been taking these type of notes in seasons 2 or 3. I have memorized most of Jess’ scenes and I just don’t recall the early seasons having him being queerphobic. I could be wrong though.

I wasn’t taking notes when Dean or Christopher were on the show much so idk if these men had any such moments. And as far as my notes show, Sookie is just the recipient of Lorelai’s teasing at moments, not queerphobic herself. Kirk is not gonna joke about that stuff, just seriously defend himself against being perceived as gay at moments. And the show frames certain things he obliviously says as a gay joke but he’s not purposefully making any. Maybe really the most homophobic characters are Lorelai and even Luke, and at a few times Emily & Richard.

Logan’s style of homophobic jokes seem more playful and somehow less offensive to me. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that but there are ways to tease that aren’t based in as problematic of a starting place. It’s like he’s not afraid to include himself in it the most, so he’s not distancing himself from the queerness? Idk I’d have to rewatch to see if I still have that same impression. He’s also just… more worldly than some of the characters feel like to me. He’s experienced bigger city life more or travel and broadened horizons? He sorta seems like he has more friends than a lot of the characters is maybe part of it. But I’d have to rewatch those moments to see how I really feel about Logan’s gay jokes and if this headcanon of him being less homophobic really is valid.

Anyway, here we are…

I basically feel like in order to write a fanfic that feels genuine and actually includes asexuality/the word "asexual" without feeling forced, awkward, etc, it can’t jump to including it. These characters were SO far away from being able to talk about or process that term. These characters needed to grow and change in various ways before it would fit in the worldbuilding and characterization?

I think the only way to make this work is gradually, slowly. The only way is to showcase that these characters actually do have experiences that shape them into being more and more ready for asexuality to exist in their world. The only way I can make it believable is if I can figure out the missing steps on the bridge between where the show was, and where I want the fic to go. I think it’s not just one missing step. It’s not that simple.

I think Lane and Jess were never small towners. Jess came from NYC, then later as an adult moved to live in Philadelphia, both cities. They are the most likely to meet openly queer people and broaden the worlds of people like Lorelai and Luke as they themselves learn and grow. I think it isn’t a stretch to think of Lane and Jess as very much LGBTQ+ allies, and Jess isn’t likely to become the most vocal ally but he… in his own quiet way could very much be one. And he is very closely connected to Luke’s story, even more than Lane, although both of them are. Lane worked for him in the diner and knows him well. Jess and Lane are both extremely connected to Rory’s story. So for either the Luke asexual headcanon or the Rory demisexual one, Jess or Lane could be a key piece of their stories. Anyway I was saying Jess could sneak up on you quietly with his allyship. His would be maybe more casual and incidental perhaps.

Lane though. Lane is loud. Lane is bold. Lane is the kind of girl the show could have easily chosen to write as queer herself in any number of ways. But the show didn’t. The show wrote her as very much straight. But she’d… RELATE to the queer experience deeply. She’d be drawn to become a vociferous ally, appreciating the LGBT plight because her upbringing made her feel like she wasn’t allowed to be herself, like she knows what it’s like to be disowned by her mother, for her parents to not approve of who she wants to date/who she loves—in her case because they aren’t Korean or aren’t Christian enough. And yes Lorelai lived a very parallel life in some ways to Lane, they are supposed to be mirrors in some ways, but there are key differences.

I feel like Lane, also in part because she’s younger, is easier to imagine as this kind of ally. A big difference between Lane and Lorelai is that Lane started in the small conservative mostly white town as an outsider racially, too. And she leaves to go on tour, to broaden her horizons and was never destined to stay in that small town forever. (I say screw the revival’s mistreatment of Lane.) Lorelai wasn’t raised in that small town, and instead Lorelai chose it for her adult self and feels at home in it. That’s a very different story.

Lorelai, however, has an interesting additional point for the start of some change or growth. Lorelai has Michel. She has been bearing witness to his life for basically decades as a close friend, theoretically. Michel could call her out on her bullshit at some point. He could tell her something she is saying is offensive, is crossing a line that isn’t hers to cross.

Also if my headcanon about Luke is to come to fruition, then Lorelai is dealing with being in a long-term romantic relationship with a man who isn’t super into their sex life. The way I interpret his asexuality is that he’s… not really into sex. He’s having sex pretty much only because she wants to. His sex drive is low. He’s very romantic, but he’s not very sexual. She’s always initiating. Her sexual flirting is making him uncomfortable. And he’s just… idk. I have a lot to explore specific to this headcanon once I figure out the fic I’m writing. I just think Lorelai will be somewhat primed to believe in and accept the existence of asexuality since she’s been living with a complicated truth that neither her nor her partner understood—that Luke’s potential weirdness around sex/their sex life could be explained by asexuality. I’m not saying they never have sex. But it could explain why when the revival started something had held them back from actually getting married all those years. It could explain some of the issues between them. And it definitely works well alongside the fact that Luke spent so many years single.

I think in order to write this fic, I need to outline a plot that establishes a relatively gradual shift in these characters’ appreciation for the fact that not everyone is straight in the world. That there are more possibilities, make sexual orientation generally something that could comfortably be discussed in a Gilmore Girls style way, with tasteful humor sprinkled in but no longer punching down or ridiculing people who are gay or gender-nonconforming.

I think I could do it. I just need to find or make the time for it.

So. I was gonna write a short ace fic for Ace Week while it was still #AceWeek2023 and instead I wrote this meta essay adjacent thing and posted it slightly late. But I hope someone can appreciate this insight into my thought process. I hope it was interesting or fun for at least one of you. :) Thanks!

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rome-theeempire · 2 years

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I will never understand queer ppl who demonize other queer ppl who don't fit into hetero, eurocentric and cis normative standards like...ISNT THAT THE WHOLE POINT OF BEING QUEER????

Pronouns don't equal gender

Neopronouns have been around for CENTURIES

Non-binary genders have been around for CENTURIES and Bipoc cultures used to honor queer ppl before the spread of eurocentric standard

If you are a queer person who tries to exclude ppl who: use pronouns that you don't think matches their gender identity, Bipoc/neurodivergent/disabled queers, you push the binary onto the NON-binary, and you refuse to use ppls neos

You're the equivalent of a WHITE CIS MALE CONFEDERATE

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haunted-catboy · 1 year

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Insert meme of Ben Affleck looking resigned & depressed while smoking a cig here

#worst fucking weekend. of the year #mouse shit in proximity my mom's sick my dad's like ''oh youre not checking on her? you dont care?''#yeah okay dad i was just on the phone w the nurse for a fucking HOUR & you made fun of me being concerned yesterday! stfu!!!!#my sister finds new & innovative ways to throw me under the bus for walking away from the dinner table after #1. she reminded me of how she thinks she's the Gay Whisperer while also getting Mega Uncomfy at any sign of me being queer #& 2. MOTHERFUCKER YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDNT COOK!!! TF??#& 3. i fucking came back after a minute of walking i just needed a second to process that my sister thinks she's fucking King Shit #of Gay Terminology while peddling cisnorm gender bullshit #man & i had a headache all day!!! & my jaw fucking hurts!!#so eating took me forever and NATURALLY my dad took issue w that #& then took issue when after asking me fifty fucking times 'arent you eating" i had a less than chipper response of #'i am my jaw hurts what [more] do you want from me'#im so so so fucking tired. like this is all bullshit but like #Goddamn i feel fucking solo #mind you all of this after having a panic attack yesterday bc of said mouse shit

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spacelazarwolf · 9 months

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Man there is some fucked up unlearned of sexism that the entire trans community needs to outgrow, cause like, as a trans woman, I've always felt like my experiences are prioritized because I was born a man. Like, yeah I was socially conditioned as a male for 20 years, and so were a lot of trans women. It leads us to still talk over people sometimes.

i know a lot of trans women who describe their experience this way, and while i understand a lot of people have an understandable bad reaction to the idea of "male socialization" so it's not something i'm ever going to assign to anyone that hasn't already stated that that's their experience, i think it's one of those things where we veer so far in the other direction that we lose the plot.

i had a whole big thing written out but it's kind of a ramble so i'm saving it for later. but like yeah, humans are social creatures. we're all conditioned from the time we're young because that's how our brains learn how to be people. "male/female socialization" is bullshit, but trans people are not immune to patriarchal messaging (i do mean all trans people), and i think it's bullshit that the only two choices trans women are given are basically "be accepted as a woman, but be forced to censor your childhood and upbringing in order to fit the cisnormative narrative of womanhood" or "be honest about your childhood and upbringing so you can grow and heal from it, but in doing so you must admit that you are Tainted By Maleness and thus cannot ever achieve True Womanhood." i mentioned this in a post a long time ago, but i think that it's incredibly important to provide trans women with a safe space to process patriarchal conditioning and trauma without judgement. because if a trans woman was conditioned to always speak up and she finds herself speaking over others, like anon mentions, the answer isn't to either ignore it so the behavior continues because we're afraid that addressing it will invalidate her womanhood, or to immediately brand her as Socialized Male. the answer is to give her space to learn and grow. socialization isn't a thing we are, it's a thing that happened to us. and just like we can reject the gender we were assigned at birth and change our bodies to match our authentic gender, we can reject the norms and behaviors we were taught growing up and gain new perspective on who we are and on the world.

#ask avishai

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genderfluid-culture-iss · 3 months

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Afab genderfluid culture is having a wildly complicated relationship with femininity because your mom basically imposed that shit + cisnormativity to you all your childhood, so you hated masc things growing up, which made it even harder to figure your identity out, and now I just hate getting called girl (in a “she's a woman”/girlhood affirming manner) and that makes 0 sense because I LITERALLY IDENTIFY AS A GIRL OCCASIONALLY–

Burn cisnormativity and gender imposition on children. 👍🏽

Please please PLEASE raise your kids gender-neutral!! All the “x is for boys” “x is for girls” IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT!!!

also, definitely had the same AFAB experience. Went from a cute little pink princess kind of girl to a “I will die if I wear the color pink”

(although I’ve changed regarding that as of late. It’s all about being comfortable in your own skin.)

#genderfluid #genderfluid culture is #lgbtq #lgbtqia #genderfluid culture #lgbtq+#anon #anonymous

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purplenidoqueen · 2 months

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not to mention tme/tma is no fucking gender binary, the groups “transfems” and “non transfems; cis men, cis women, trans men, some nonbinary people, etc” is not a binary at all. if you don’t know what the terms mean or aren’t experienced with transfeminism, that’s fine, but don’t act like i hate men because you misunderstood my feminism.

The reblog that garnered these messages can be found here, and part one is here. Sorry if the tone was too sharp; I'm not super comfy playing defense for those who aren't here to defend themselves, but I'm sure as heck willing to do my best. I'd explained at the end of the post that garnered these responses that I am also a trans woman, but I don't mind that you missed it; I just feel that said experience is something to keep in mind.

Since this was split into two messages I'll have to respond in two parts, so bear with me. While I don't have much of an audience, it's important to me to head this off, so I'd appreciate it if anyone who reads this and agrees with my stances here also walks away with the message of patience and solidarity, and doesn't send messages her way for whatever reason. This isn't a callout and I don't believe in callouts; this is just how the inbox function works.

Anyway! Second:

"If you don't know what the terms mean"… I understand that some find comfort in the terms, but "transmisogyny exempt" and "transmisogyny affected" are years old and have gone through a number of phases. While they were well-intentioned at first, TMA and TME swiftly changed from inclusive terms to exclusive ones, used not only by trans women to exclude others from our struggle, but by others to exclude us from their own struggles. In many ways they are bullshit terms adopted and adapted by terfs and their allies, and when I say they are used to reinforce the gender binary, I mean it. They've been used at length to pit trans men, trans mascs, and AFAB nonbinary folk against us in an attempt to make detransition look more practical.

As for whether TMA/TME has any weight: Do you understand how many cis women have been hurt by transmisogyny? You can find stories about women ranging from Michelle Obama and Lady Gaga to Marie MacGowan, an eighty-six-year-old Irish cis woman with dementia who was assaulted and beaten by a transphobe for over forty minutes straight. Even men and mascs, cis or trans, can be hit by forms of transmisogyny if they don't meet the standards of masculinity to which society holds them! Trans men are routinely mistaken to be trans women and attacked by people who misunderstand the situation because only trans women have the spotlight in this patriarchal society! That's not to mention the complexities of growing up intersex, whether or not their lives were changed without their consent by "corrective" surgeries as infants. The binary of "affected" or "exempt" is too tidy to have much use. Fear-based hatred is too complicated.

Transmisogyny is a form of transphobia, which is at its root a form of homophobia, and we have to understand that segregating each other's experiences into exclusionary groups rather than inclusive ones is incredibly unproductive -- and exactly what the terfs, traditionalists, and other fascists are trying to enforce.

On the subject of transphobia as a whole vs transmisogyny, I was trying not to bring this up, but it's the only way I can think of to boil down my point in a way that matters. This is the post that convinced me to respond, in the hopes of sharing some thoughts and perspective.

Okay. This is important for one main reason: Why do you think it would be bizarre or noteworthy for trans men to react negatively to this tweet? I get the point of it, but it's phrased so poorly. Surely you can understand -- maybe you've experienced for yourself -- the feeling that arises when you try to live your happiest life as your chosen gender, only for terfs and their allies to say "You only feel like a X because you're a failed Y." Where does that stem from? Where does it lead? "Trans women are just men who are super gay." "Trans men are just women trying to climb the patriarchal ladder." It's disgusting! Maybe that's not a perspective that occurred to you in the moment, but that's why queer folk from all corners of the community should communicate our experiences to each other, isn't it? If your feminism includes seeing trans men "react bizarrely" to something you didn't understand, and giving them the squinty eyes instead of asking why, then it can't truly be feminism, because it can't truly be about equality.

This whole TME/TMA thing reminds me of the transmedicalist discourse, or of a decade ago when in some circles you weren't considered trans enough and "made the rest of us look bad" if you couldn't, or didn't care to, pass. Butch transfems, a cornerstone of the culture, used to get run out of social groups for being "fake women". It's all about finding the weakest link and cutting them out, over and over until the solidarity of a cohesive queer community becomes a more manageable series of dogpiles against smaller and smaller fragments of GSR minorities. Fuck that. None of us is worth sacrificing, not ace nor kinky nor enby nor queer.

It's been a long pair of long responses. Sorry for the wait, and for the attention. In any case, to boil my thoughts down in the least productive way possible:

"Individually we are weak like a single twig, but as a bundle we form a mighty faggot!"

#inclusivity #intersectional feminism #transgender #trans pride #transphobia #transmisogyny #tma #tme

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manstrans · 8 months

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Pregnant trans masc anon back again and coming off of anon because... Well, why not?

I just saw the other anons you got about my ask saying that pregnancy is always feminine or whatever bullshit. And I want it to be known:

Being pregnant was the most masculine I have ever felt. Never in my life have I felt stronger. Never in my life have I felt more connected to my body. Being pregnant helped me learn to love my body in a way I never have before. The parts I resented had a purpose: to care for, to nourish, and to protect my kid.

There's lots of cishet normative garbage in the world about what it means to be a dad. But being the partner to carry and birth our child? To me that is peak fatherdom. All of the things a father, a dad, is supposed to be - the provider, the protector, the solid ground in which to seek refuge - I got to be from day one. And because of all the garbage people have thrown at me because I am a masculine person who got pregnant, I know that I did the most fatherly thing I could do: I put the needs of my child and my family first. I let my transition take a backseat for almost 2 years so my wife and I could finally have a family after years of trying.

So fuck anyone who wants to make me feel like being pregnant isn't masculine. Pregnancy is only feminine because of cisnormative bullshit. And if being queer for as long as I have has taught me anything it's that societal ideas of masculinity and femininity really mean nothing once you break them down. Anyone can be anything. Anything can be masculine or feminine.

I am a trans masculine person who is sometimes a man. I am a husband. I am a father. And I am so tired of people refusing to question the ideas they've inherited from cishet society. Acceptance of what has always been is a problem queer people have been fighting for as long as society has hated queer people. And maintaining societal ideas that work to silence some or render them invisible is not going to get us, as queer people, anywhere. Maybe it's because I'm considered old now, but I've given up trying to fit into a box that was not made for me. Because, at the end of the day, the people who are going to hate queer people and want to erase us aren't going to stop just because we squeeze into ill-fitting labels they built. Claim whatever labels you want. Feel as much or as little of that label that is comfortable for you. But don't tell others that their understanding of that label or how it fits them is wrong.

I'm sorry for getting angry at your anons and sending you an essay. But I'm coming off of anon, so perhaps they'll come directly to my askbox if they want to make claims about pregnant masculine people.

^^^^^

also I think being angry is justified here tbh

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hadesoftheladies · 7 months

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crazy, wild, insane behavior to have some white american trans activist tell me that radical feminists don’t understand intersectionality when like, you can’t even acknowledge how women of color in majority world countries are exploited because of their sex. you’re an entitled white person who thinks gender can be reclaimed from patriarchy (like prostitution) and somehow be transformed into empowerment when it doesn’t upset patriarchy in any structural way. and who suffers the most and is killed because of enforced gender and prostitution? women, and women of color. that’s the demographic of who is being trafficked and dehumanized and brutalized more in these ways. you want us to be sensitive of how cisnormative everything is, but you have zero problems when it comes to respecting womens awful history with gender? how they have been brutalized on the basis of their sex? you have no sensitivity for that history and only engage with these problems when it serves to paint trans people as victims? taking womens’ history, where they try to pose as men for fear of their lives, and making them trans mascots instead of reckoning with their context?

and you think you understand intersectionality? when you can’t even grasp that the brutal oppression women and girls in non-western countries go through has nothing to do with pronouns? or made up western liberal bullshit? can you see the world without imposing your western worldview, you colonial shitheads? so you can successfully decenter woc from a branch of feminism that was meant to focus them?

and to top it all off, you call me, a non-western African black woman who LIVES in a neocolonial state, pro-colonialism?

you’re not a feminist and you don’t give a fuck about intersectionality. you’re just a whining white person that thinks they’re fun and different from the others while still being the same entitled narcissistic love child of imperialism, patriarchy and capitalism.

you are exactly what the empire made you to be. :)

#feminism #radical feminism #radblr #interfem #radfem #intersectional feminism #transgender #trans #you are complicit #western politics #liberals #us politics

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vile-worm · 4 months

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"they" is not a substitute for referring to someone as 'it'. If you knowingly call who goes by "it" "they" because of your own personal biases then you're still misgendering. "they" is not a universal stand in for a non-gendered pronoun and trying to push it as such is the same cisnormative bullshit that bigots already push where they only see "he" or "she" as correct pronouns to use.

#teal talks #grumpy #seeing lots of bad takes on queerness that falls out of an “acceptable range” of what queerness should be #queer experiences are not universal #this post also isn't about people who refer to me as “they” out of general habit #or people who just don't know I go by it #it's about people who intentionally try to devalue it/its pronouns from ever existing in the first place

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nillinlore · 14 hours

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It saddens me how entrenched the gender binary is, especially within trans and queer spaces. With very few exceptions, I'm still generally treated as a queer man (which is not how I identify) and even then I'm not considered "man enough". But I also dont tick enough boxes for people to consider me woman enough either.

Not that I want to be. It’s just frustrating that not only am I still frequently forced into a binary system that clearly isnt the right fit for me, but nobody knows how to approach or treat me due to how difficult it is to classify me. I fall through the cracks.

Femme folks seem uncomfortable around me in terms of how to include Mr, and mostly don't engage me much, regardless of how I'm expressing my gender identity, whereas masc folks often seem put off by how soft I come across and how queer I sound.

Kink and sex wise, I've been told I'm not firm or commanding enough to be a effective Dom and simultaneously that I dont look like or seem like I'd be fun to top as a desirable sub because of my suze and body type. Which is bullshit because given the space to be myself and affirmed I can be the best, most caring, giving and assertive Daddy fag that anyone could possibly want, who will breed you like the good pup that you are, or, the the most desperate, horny service doggo to the right Dom, who will do anything they possibly can to get you off and feel good with you.

Binaries fucking suck. And it's shitty that after a decade of being out as a gender nonconforming queer I still find myself failing to live up to the cisnormative gender roles and expectations that continue through supposedly radical communities.

This rant brought to you by recent feelings during queer dates and my continued struggle at making affirming connections with other trans and nonbinary folks.

Have some throw-back pics 🥰

#queer dating #queer sex #queer #t4t nsft #nsft t4t #trans nsft #enby nsft #queer nsft #nonbinary nsft #autistic nsft #nsft trans #lgbt nsft #t4t ns/fw

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decepti-thots · 7 months

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i dislike unnecessary and exaggerated cisnormative bullshit in character design as much as the next person, especially on robots and all that. but i find it extremely telling when people a) get mad at (mostly women!) in fandom who design (or redesign) characters as girls for including some "coding", but do not ever get mad at male characters for having masculine "coding", including when people are gender-swapping female characters to be men, and b) especially when people get mad at trans woman headcanons including overtly feminine gender expressions being incorporated... but have Nothing to say about transmascs making trans dude headcanons that incorporate masculine characteristics. where it's just taken for granted that it's about gender affirmation and such to do so.

it especially rankles when people insist this is about Combating Transphobia or whatever, tbh. as a trans person, my presentation of my gender is absolutely impacted by my being trans. i do not look identical to the way i would look if i was a different gender (let alone cis), because for me that is how my gender identity expresses itself. this mentality, that having a change of gender be reflected in a change in how a character presents is "regressive" in and of itself, smells faintly of transphobic arguments about how trans people "reinforce gender norms" by not living as our assigned-at-birth sex, and does not make me feel super extra welcome as a trans person at all. idk how to break it to you, but "having your trans headcanon involve a character doing stuff common to folks who transition is the REAL transphobia", coming from cis fans, is very, very unconvincing, lmao.

#'why would you redesign this dude character to look slightly different as a girl???'#well you see people often do this to relate to characters in a canon with little gender diversity.#and real people may relate to such experiences as 'has a gender expression' and 'wants to see characters who share their gender expression'#and 'uses that gender expression to very specifically express their gender'#you see how this works?#cis people really are that meme about talking to babies tbh.

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autisticbee · 3 months

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Periods are NOT A woman's thing. to say they are is both transphobic to various flavours of trans ppl AND alienating to all different kinds of (including cis!) women.

No, the world would not take periods more seriously if men had them because THERE ARE MEN WHO HAVE THEM.

Stop regurgitating cisnormative BULLSHIT in your "feminism" (quotes BC if your feminism isn't trans inclusive, INCLUDING IN LANGUAGE, it's bull. shit.)

Sometimes I feel guilty about this, like I'm just nitpicking but you know what? NO. this shit has KILLED ppl. I've seen various stories of trans men who DIED bc doctors couldn't fathom or didn't want to deal with someone who has M on their ID while having ovaries. men who tried-for years to get help. do they not fucking matter??? fuck you!

#im so so damn tired UGH

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trevorendeavors · 1 year

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So. That Florida Bathroom Bill, huh?

TW: bathroom bills, transphobia, internalized transphobia.

I ain’t beating around the bush. I will be using strong language here. If that ain’t your cup of tea or if you’re just here for my usual brand of gay fanart and fic, it’s okay to scroll past this post. Really. I won’t judge. This is one doozy of a vent.

For the people in my DMs asking me if I’m okay (as a trans person in Florida considering recent bathroom bill bullshit) I’m just… sitting here with an exasperated sigh.

It’s funny that the first time I hear of this is from a DM from someone on the other side of the world. I’ve been deliberately avoiding lgbt Florida news for some time because the more I think about it, the harder it is to be civil in transphobic conversations.

Last night I was deadnamed in front of a few people, and today at my graduation I’ll likely be deadnamed in front of a whole convention center. That’s what I get for not changing my name legally, huh. Oh well. Didn’t wanna go through all the paperwork just yet (in case I go for a different name) so I’m stuck with the one I’m sure I don’t want.

So again, I try not to think about it.

But yeah. It sucks.

Honestly? The bathroom bill doesn’t change much for me. It’s still the same shit as always.

The one time I went into the men’s restroom, I freaked out a cis guy so badly (poor dude was genuinely scared of ME accusing HIM of something bad) that I never did that again.

As for women’s restrooms (the one I most frequently use) that’s a whole other deal. Most days, I don’t pass. I’ll just go out and say that. I have a high voice, boobs, and a bit of hips. Some days I dress really feminine too, so it only makes sense. No one here is going to buy “see I LOOK like a woman but no see I’m secretly a ‘man but not quite’ inside but I wear makeup as a kind of exaggerated cosplay of a gender I am NOT, y’see?”

I don’t want to have a nuanced discussion of gender in the bathroom. Most people 30+ in age don’t even know what non-binary is and barely get the concept of trans. As much as I love being and educator and advocate, after a long road trip I want to piss and get on with my life. Also cis men have told me the horror stories of male bathrooms (how do you get shit ON the ceiling????) and then I’m thankful to have been “born a woman” or whatever.

Most days I don’t think about it too hard. But on my more dysphoric days or when on the blessed days I do genuinely pass more masc - when I go into the bathroom looking like this:

I genuinely don’t know which bathroom to use.

It’s embarrassing. Especially when there’s no family restroom available. And when I go to the women’s restroom, I sometimes get these looks. Brief, surreptitious glances they think I don’t notice. To ease tensions, I lift my pitch and give a compliment. I even puff out my (binded) breasts slightly as if to say, “Yes, I have tits and a pussy, does that soothe your cisnormative and petty fears that I would assault you?”

Jesus, some days I wish I could say that quote outright. But I can’t, and I know it’s not fair to them. They’re scared, I get it. I remind them of a traumatic experience. Sometimes, certain people who have nothing to do a trauma invoke fears of it unintentionally by raising their voices or saying something off or even existing. But that’s MY responsibility to fucking deal with that. Other people can’t help existing.

By and large, people with transphobic tendencies here are usually nice. Beyond, nice even. They’ll help you host a spontaneous ice cream party. They’ll buy you allergy meds when you’re choking. They’ll take you in after your mother kicked you out. Like I said, genuinely sweet and kind people.

Which makes it harder when they accuse trans people of transitioning to skirt military drafts, to cheat at sports, to deal with mommy issues. When they equate gays to sex crimes (yes, the ones you’re thinking of). When they refuse to call you your full name. When they call you a baby who refuses to clean her pooped diapers.

I try to be nice. But by god, is my patience waning…

By. Fucking. god.

I’m tired of the way it’s affected me. Making me feel worth less than cis folks, like my feelings matter less. Even worse, I hate how it makes me jealous and spiteful towards younger trans folks in better situations. Younger trans folk I don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an excuse to mistreat them the way I was mistreated. And I’m genuinely glad that they’re living a better life. I have to work on these thoughts, it’s my responsibility. It would be nice, though, to live in a world where I could devote more energy to celebrating our collective existence instead of surviving it.

That being said, I’m grateful for the people here and in person who have stuck by my guns. The people who check in on my when shit gets worse in terms of politics.

What helps most?

What really helps is when people get mad WITH me. For so long I was told my anger was something to be stowed away, to be quietly extinguished with calm words or relieved by some masturbatory exercise of civil discourse. You know. Where you get off to talking civilly but don’t actually get anywhere and you still have to live in a world that was just as transphobic as before. I just want people to be pissed WITH me. To share in my anger and frustration. To join me as I slam the desk, flip the table, and cry to the heavens,

This fucking sucks

Right now this matters to me even more than action. These check ins, sharing in my anger - it helps, it really does. Makes me feel less alone in the world.

#Trevor screams #Trevor talks #Godspeed if you got through this absolute motherfucker of a vent #tw: vent #tw: transphobia #TW: internalized transphobia #TW: some suggestive language towards the end #Florida #Florida bathroom bill #trans bathrooms #ron desantis

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