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seancamerons · 7 months

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i am sooooooooooooooooooooo glad finally the world is seeing what scum justin is. he profitted off slandering women. multiple women. unfaithful, scummy, cultural appropriating and made a career off of ripping off michael jackson. the beatboxin', the improvizational vocal styling, the layered tracks, the dancing, the slandering his 'crazy' exes, the luxury he must've had.

must be nice. what a little cry baby bitch boy. what goes around comes around, like it's a friggin boomerang. ew. it takes two to tango, you're the one with the victim mentality. a class act, and i mean that in the most downright low down way i can muster. he is horrible. the absolute worst. he did the women in his life so dirty, it's never his fault, god forbid. pathetic.

boo fuckin' hoo, your anniverary was interrupted by your own dirty laundry, so what? what else is new, besides the fact you slandered britney. you threw janet and her 20 year (at the time) career under a bus. idk what he else he did, but he also cheated on jessica "let's evolve" biel, but that's not about her but, bold words for someone who took back their scoundrel, cheating ex boyfriend who cheated on her. i guess she likes sloppy seconds, they seem like they're so great. must be nice, once again. even if he has the upper hand, or control of the narrative or had it for, oh wait, oh about 20 years.

you know what the ex, the puppy love turned real, your childhood love, arguably the once 'love of his fucking life', in a romantic sense best friend, the girl jt was so into that he apparently was about to give her his name, and you do her dirty? dude, you can be so dumb, sure it was a sly dick move, but damn. that says way more about him that it be about her. life hands you lemons, you blame others and squeeze the juice in their wounds, liar liar liar.

so justin, while britney nursed a broken heart and had to grapple with a decision you issued this 'ultimatium' whatever, you didn't say you were gonna be respectful? i imagine they probably talked beyond the text to be like, whatever it's done closure for the pair, par for the course. when you were the first to be cruel, you were the aggressor, you were the liar, you weaved this narrative that it was ALL her. remember this, there's not a relationship with you, there's the other half, who should be your 'better' half, who was miles humble and sweet compared to him.

not to be all will smith or nothin' but keep her name out your fucking mouth if you have nothing good to say, that goes for everyone. like who are people who don't work, have retail, food service, regular people jobs with regular people problems, middle class judging a woman who makes money when she shits, sleeps, eats, dances and posts videos on instgram. why is it such a thing as to have silence in the peanut gallery in regards. "it would never happen to anyone" sure, jan. keep sippin't he coolade. cool.

so weird flex, idk. i'm glad i never bought into "big bad britney" the worst girl, the delinquent deviant, the seductress Jezabelle manipulator, evil woman, ice, stone what have them, there's always gonna be haters, but like f that. I'm on the right side here, not that it's a contest, race, spill tea, money grab whatever. idc who you are, but britney should be referred to as someone who isn't a tabloid joke, but a survivor with resilience and humility and someone who had unrealistic sometimes or big dreams but never really gave up completely even if times were shitty. she always had things to live for, and to do, but some f the things she endured were totally beyond her control.

she was very much chewed up and spit out. adored and then hated, and all the people going, "oh i had no idea, i feel so bad" i really think it comes too little too late, because for years i always assumed there was a lot we didn't know, and that wasn't really anyone, especially her family who treat her like a prized racehorse or cash cow, and not a human.

for 13 years, almost 15 years, she was a second-class citizen in her own home, a literal prisoner, she had zero say in anything. she couldn't drive or vote for a president/elected official. she was unjustly put under a hold that turned into a little over quarter of a decade imprisoned, her civil rights were infringed upon. yes that is something to share that must burden her, sometimes the truth is something that will set her free. her speaking i believe, equates to her healing. i know i said i wouldn't say things about this until i finished up the woman in me memoir, but i can't keep this from coming out.

it's just for once, this girl can catch a break and do what she loves. she speaks very candidly on her fans who she appreciates even at her lowest point, even if she wasn't necessarily 'running the show', she still had personality, passion and intensity that will keep her 'youthful' in the eyes of the world forever. her legacy is so strong, and i hate that it'd been marred by lies for years. slanderous, sensationalized journalism and south park, punch lines, digs, and general biased hate from other fans of pop (tbh all genres) music and more. if beyonce did any of the things briney did they'd (general public) turn their back too or they'd fight for her just as strong as barmy/fandoms related to britney spears/fans of other artists. some artists could get away with literal killing or unaliving someone, and britney would be like going to prison or some mental hospital for LIFE locked up till the 12th of never to be released and her family would assume control and she would die in literal captivity. people act like jamie was looking for brit's

his meal ticket, of course. of course she's married this guy who (i will say he takes care of mostly if not all of his multiple children with more than one mother, not that there's anything wrong with having biracial or even children who are from different mothers. out of his idk how many kids, he has 2 children with britney from when they were married for roughly three years who don't speak to her because they'd been fed this narrative for so long they see no different. federline literally implies she's nuts, so she's not credible so people find her narrative to be false, or use the rhetoric she has mental illness, while that could be something, if she didn't have dementia or some schizoaffective or bipolar diagnosis, well well, she might have some horrible version of post-traumatic stress disorder. everything i'd expected and even things i didn't know or weren't confirmed officially at any time are being corroborated like i didn't want to be right, but i was so on it and everyone thinks she's crazy, and gaslit, enabled this farce of a conservatorship, she needed to be taught how to be an adult, and her family mainly jamie failed her by making every decision for 13 years for her.

i was also ranting that, what kind of crappy luck to have a sister like who ignored her pleas, saw her struggle, and didn't do shit to help her, but freely went on dancing with the stars, the special corps for money grabs, looks so desperate.

she (jamie lynn) wouldn't even be a name out here if she didn't have a sister who was like it or not, britney spears. similar to the plight of ashlee simpson (jessica was the more 'famous' popstar sister, famously had a reality show with her ex-husband nick lachey in 2003 until 2005 or so which the show seemed to seemingly caused them to split by late 2005/2006) , nick & aaron carter (he was the 'kid' brother of one of the lead singers of the backstreet boys, famously dated paris hitlon, was accused by a former girllbander from the girlgroup in 2000-2001 dream.) if my sis was being talked neg about or was being infringed of her citizens rights, i rest my case. i'd go the f off!

i mean let's be serious for a sec, there was so much SO MUCH animosity and jealousy and "living in the shadow" or being "less famous" or too young to remember when things were normal in their families. ashlee simpson famously had a song called 'shadow' (Autobiography, 2004) not to be confused britney spears' "shadow" (In the Zone, 2003)

i do not sympathize with her. in wise the words of mean girl janis ian. listen up.

As Janis Ian once said, "There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it."

#britney spears #writing #2000s #music #justin timberlake

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

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Your mom sounds insufferable and I'm sorry you have to live with her and shoulder the entire financial burden and household management. Whenever I see a post abt your mom on my timeline I'm like 'damn it sounds like she's the mom and her mom is the daughter this is some crazy role reversal shit' and I feel annoyed on your behalf. I'm sorry your mom is too self-absorbed to seek help for whatever prevents her from being a functional parent or at least not a willful burden on her daughter. You're taking care of her as if she's elderly or severely sick when you're only 26 and she doesn't even seem grateful >_> like she doesn't even see problem with it as if she's just entitled to it and doesn't seem to care that by not pulling her own weight she's preventing you from saving up to move out and start your own life. I hope you can eventually get out of there and big props to you for not going completely insane

It's so conflicting for me because I REALIZE my mom has been through a lot and it's only fairly recently within the last few years I actually started "growing up" but so many of these problems are systemic or behavioral and like

Ok. So you could even completely remove all of me and my moms arguments over chores and housework and all that, and she still does still like "oh the garage door is operating a little wonky and I tried to contact the management several times but they never responded so I JUST STOPPED PAYING RENT ON IT FOR MONTHS" LIKE IS SHE ACTUALLY INSANE???? She's lucky they didn't come and physically change the pin code and lock us out and throw out all our stuff! It's SUPPOSED to be protecting her car from the weather but since we moved about 2 years ago "oh the walk is just so far now" so now its a glorified storage locker while her already rusting 20+ year old car she bought secondhand only a few years ago sits out in the snow and salt and rain. Her hubcaps were cracked and she "didn't like how it looked" so she just. Completely removed them and now her tires are slowly getting weather damaged because "oh its better to have no hubcaps than look ghetto" no it doesn't you stupid cunt this is a 20+ year old car? The wiring for the radio and car chargers doesn't even work anymore??? You're lugerally having to replace your car every like 5 years do you not realize how not fucking normal that is???

Putting the rest under a rm because life is bullshit and I kind of ramble for a long time

One day I'm in my room trying to sleep and I hear her on the phone sounding really upset. She had an old debt on a car from like 10 years ago and its been collecting interest this whole time. It's just like. She doesn't even know about all her fucking debts anymore. And she's dragging me down too. Years ago, literal years ago, I gave her permission to put my name on a cable bill and she completely forgot about it and now i get nonstop robocalls because now i have an unpaid debt on my credit report. I'm nearly ready to give them her name and phone number and say she used my name without my consent

She just. I try to temper myself and see things from her perspective, yeah I can be really lazy, yeah a lot of days I DO just come home and sit in my room and I don't come out, but she would still have a LIST of issues? I only found out about this garage shit yesterday and I said "jesus chrisr how many months behind are we now because of you?" "Several" SHE DOESNT EVEN CARE, her mentality is "oh they aren't coming to fix the door or replying to me so I'm not gonna pay until they do" BITCH THEY COULD ADD INTEREST AND LATE FEES, YOU DONT HAVE A JOB RIGHT NOW?

I'm just constantly crying because I don't. Know what to do? I was toxic codependent with her for so many years because of trauma and she tries to shelter and protect me because horrible child abusive dad etc etc etc, but now I'm an adult and she's still doing a lot of the same issues I've ALWAYS seen? Like I was literally an elementary schooler having adult conversations with her mother my grandma for Years asking "what is wrong with mom"

Like. It's having an extremely negative affect on me that basically my biggest source of support is dismissive and talks over me but also expects me to constantly dish out empathy for her. I'm literally becoming like one of those bratty teenager characters who is mean to their parent 24/7 because, it's just like. Every time I turn around she's making mistakes? She took too many Naproxen and almost made herself extremely sick and then t9ld me I needed medication and was acting hysterical even after a LISCENSED TOXICOLOGIST told her she was lucky Zhe wasn't in excruciating pain and vomiting. She'll burn food because she'll assume how it's cooked because shebhas like a legit8mate mental disorder with reading instructions, like my whole entire life she would literally be assembling furniture without even reading the instructions

She just lives in her own little world "where it's ok if I make a mistake but if anyone else does it's because they're a diversity hire, if im late on payments people should work with me and let me make payment arrangements even if it's literally against their policy and they're cunts if they don't it's not my fault for not paying" like I literally told her to her face "is it some sort of defense mechanism that you literally CANT admit when you're wrong?"

I'm still. I'm still so fucking upset over the pills. She took a ton of pills and kept taking them without really even keeping track of how many she was taking "because I wanted the pain to stop" and even then that pain is because she kept putting off going to the dentist and she literally WORKS IN THE MEDICAL FIELD, SHE SHOULD KNOW HOW THIS SHIT WORKS. And then she yells at me "YOUVE NEVER BEEN IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN BEFORE" and its like YES I LITERALLY HAVE, I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY FOR IT, TWICE

It just makes me feel so small. It makes me feel so silenced. I'll try to talk to her about these issues and if I'm not ext4a special sweet and kissing her ass "you're being a bitch, you can't speak to me like that" and she refuses to actually finish the conversation so we can Work Things Out so we have to have the SAME CONVERSATIONS over and over and over and nothing changes. I know I'm one to talk but she literally has some sort of personality disorder and then she passed so much unhealthy shit on to me????

She's only 58 but slowly declining in health and I worry constantly when this "im too old/tired/I have a headache, you do it" bullshit will escalate and she stops working. Because she doesn't have any savings and I have SO much anger towards her I don't trust myself to be a caregiver for her.

I'm medicating the stress with weed to the point I'm pretty sure it's actually making me hyper aggressive and I'm genuinely ready to go back to being an alcoholic sometimes. I just want to be alone in the dark and not talk to anyone or hear anyone. It's just at the point where I'm constantly mean to her because it's like "oh you made this really small mistake like you forgot something at home and now we have to circle back? I WOULD be ok with that if you didn't make mistakes literally every single day to the point I call you subhuman"

I'm constantly experiencing really harsh stomach issues daily and I'm amazed I'm nkr prematurely graying. Pretty sure my hairline is receding? And I try to talk to her about that because she failed cosmetology school twice and I won't even finish my sentence before she fuckint interrupts me

And I'll say "why is there legitimately never one single day where you aren't interrupting me, like they literally teach us in DBT therapy that you need to be mindful and liaten to someone speaking instead of interrupting with your reply" and she'll just say "but YOU do it all the time"

Like can you understand how like horrifically horrifically violent I want to be when I literally cannot bring up even one issue without her DEFLECTING, IMMEDIATELY???? "Hey mom I think my hairline is receding and I still vividly remember how you would repeatedly tell me to wear my ponytail tighter and higher up because 'wearing it low is like a man' and I think that was really unnecessary" "what, that was a long time ago, you blame me for everything--" "can you at least acknowledge that was a thing you actually said and did and that it upset me" "you're always trying to blame me for--" "can you literally just say ok I'm sorry that happened that would literally be the end of the conversation" "you're always trying to dig up old drama, this is just like when YOU--"

I'll be at work and I'll be too stressed to even focus because sometimes I don't even trust her in our own fucking home. She'll text me "hey is this reptile thermometer supposed to read these numbers" and this will be a conversation we've already had several times in the past and she will turn off the AC or turn the heat up or down amd then go to bed without even waiting for me to reply like she has literally almost given my reptiles heat stroke by turning off the AC and just opening windows

Like you can literally pull up an academic article about shaving doesn't make your hair grow back thicker and this moronic fucking loser will legitimately clap back with "well I had a friend who was a dermatologist and she said--" like. It's Dana's Reality or you're wrong. Only she is right and deserves welfare and handouts and sympathy and exceptions but everyone else is just too lazy or not trying hard enough or her favorite accusation, that I deliberately sabotage myself because I want to wallow in sadness

It's just. It's getting to the point I may have to run away for HER safety instead of my own because when you try to talk and talk and talk and eventually what little talking you do is all nasty words, eventually I just think "God, will she listen if I fucking hit her, is that what it'll take, will that wake her up" but she would just happily throw me in jail just like when she got up in my sisters face when she was 17 and my sister just slapped her one time and my mom had her arrested "as a punishment" and was mad when she paid bail and was released the following day

I just. I'm so lost. I think the only real answer is to leave but I'm not self sufficient enough and I'm definitely not healthy for such a huge dramatic change. Meanwhile my job is getting harder because people keep quitting and I just feel so insanely overwhelmed. It just literally feels like there's no point in me being alive anymore. I keep getting set back or too tired to move forward. Like I had an argument with my mom before my shift instantly went "dude what if you just have this one final shift before you're off the next few days and then just KILL YOURSELF before you have to go back to work" and those thoughts just, occur casually at this point. Mild suicidal ideation?

I dunno. I constantly ask myself if it's even ethical for me to even talk about my own feelings because it could be argued that I'm just stressing and traumatizing people. Like I constantly ask myself, "if I ever did anything to hurt myself, should I post something so people at least know where I went or would that be horrible and manipulative and traumatic and awful of me to do" like. I'm Definitely Normal having Defnitely Normal Thoughts.

I hate even saying all of this but I just. I dunno. I'm a coward. I'm literally so fucked up that sometimes when I laugh the shaking of my body like does something to my brain and i instantly transition into sobbing. I'm just another wage slave leaving a record of my woe behind idk. At least there are SOME people in this world who recognize my pain

#im literally at work and i juat want to cry in the bathroom or run out onto the neighboring highway

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spacedadpicard · 2 years

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Character bingo: Frodo, Riker, Dennis

I'M SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I TOTALLY FORGOT TO REPLY, BUT HERE I AM AT LAST. i think this is the right meme

first up: frodo. just a little guy? babes, he is the LITTLEST of little guys and i love him sm. i have written a whole fkn essay on frodo as a metaphor for Ye Olde Suffering Medieval Mystics, so i think it's fair to say i find him SUPER compelling while also being addicted to the lil guy's trauma. sorry, bub. being able to project on you makes life... not easier, per se, but. something. it does something. he makes me so emo it's crazy, and in reality has way more than just one thing that makes me insane but yk. i probably could not fix him but i'd try my best and i'd make him cakes and i think that counts for a lot.

next up: will! my husband! and it's a BINGO BAYBEE WAHEY! first off, man's the biggest jester on the whole damn ship and i cannot be convinced otherwise. love q, but when he said will has no sense of humour i? huh?? daddy issues speaks for itself. i mean [gestures at his dad and the one episode where we see the two of them interact] awful. will may be a slice of white bread, but he's a slice of white bread with a cool beard, a winning smile, and a sick uniform, and therefore has a bomb ass design in my eyes. unlike.... a lot of the fandom, i think will is a pretty compelling and interesting character. this may not be a popular opinion, but everyone is wrong, actually, and only i am correct. it's through my specific lens or through no lens at all, baybee. the love he has for the people in his life, but esp deanna, makes me absolutely insane and also makes me so emo i want to cry for 20 days. and finally, i could fix him--and he could fix me. daddy issues crew assemble <3

and finally denny boy!! and it's a TRIPLE BINGO BAYBEE WHOOWEE. alright. don't know if "being hot" qualifies as bomb ass design but to me it does. that same attribute gives him the right to bit and kill and maim <3 them's the rules. daddy and mommy issues.... need i elaborate? boy's got daddy and mommy issues for daaaays. rcg may have writte him to be a silly fellow (derogatory), and he is, but my brain has latched onto this man so hard (see: my take on them is so far from the original). perhaps it's the projection. but whatever the reason, this horrible little asshole (derogatory/affection) really just. compels me. in certain circles (looks at... anywhere that isn't tumblr ig) people would think my opinions are downright silly, but that's okay <3 i'm happy in my lil bubble of fellow den trauma enjoyers and crazy bitches who think we could fix him <3 honestly i think this is the best lens to see him through; reddit bros who like him for being a Cool, Suave "Serial Killer" (supposedly) like him for the wrong reason and that's that on that. for what he is, i definitely get way too emo about den, but it's not my fault if his specific cocktail of childhood trauma and parent issues makes me crazy

#WHEW.#TY FOR THE ASK <3 #LOVE YA #pyra tag #pyramidofmice #asks #replies #dennis reynolds #will riker #frodo baggins #long post

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082112 · 7 months

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I told Nirali today that I decided to leave Outer Coast.

Context: for the past week or two I’ve been having horrible anxiety and it’s brought up all these horrible things inside me. I was afraid I was socially deficient and that I was vain and unimportant and had something wrong with me and would be consigned to a life of being secondary and being lonely, and perceived even normal activities or coincidences as slights against me from people or from the universe. I wanted to leave, and I told my parents and all my friends back home. I’ve been quite short and terse in classes this entire week to all my teachers. Yesterday after crying in front of Nirali admitting just a tiny fraction of this, I called home and then typed out a long rant while crying, lying perfectly horizontal facing the wall in my bed, until my literal eyeballs hurt. I showed up 5 minutes late to SB meeting clearly having bawled out my eyes too. Some excerpts from said rant:

gonna drop out of this microcollege because it’s actually been destroying my mental health and self image for the past few weeks

and i’m constantly convinced something is wrong with me socially

how violently angry and petulant my reaction [to being extended an offer to connect and spend time together with a teacher] was is a clear sign i’m not okay and clearly have some unmitigated issues. but every experience of someone else in my cohort having friends or a good time seems to me like clear evidence that i’m a social failure who isn’t strong enough to see what i do through (re: dropping out) and is cowardly enough to run away from things instead of actually confronting them

like. what if there’s something wrong with me and everyone that has loved me and chose to know me, ever, is because i got lucky

and the reasons i keep telling myself to stay are “i need a transcript from this microcollege so grad schools can see im not bumming around” “maybe my teacher here can write me a good letter of rec for grad school” “how am i gonna explain this to the x scholarship committee that my character and personal failings were so great I dropped out of something I intentionally walked into and was so excited for and told all my friends about when in fact I just acted like a huge petty loser at the end and ran away”

and my god. what if someone at this place saw through all the pleasant smiles and intellect and reflexive laughter and they saw the jealousy and insecurity and anger and fear. wouldn’t that be horrible?

I also texted Sun and Huitzilin about how I wanted to leave. Huitzilin actually told me about their experience too, which reinforced my decision, and I think by the end of the night I had made up my mind I was going to go.

Conversation excerpts from me, there:

Ugh. Is it crazy to feel like you’re losing your personhood? I feel like I should be experiencing the opposite at a place where we’re supposed to be learning radical new ways of understanding the world. But I keep on feeling like the opposite where I’m just a body with obligations to “community partners” and “class” instead of an actual conviction to do these things. And I was so excited originally too!

I also feel mildly insane for the thoughts of like “but no transcript?” (Said in the tone of no bitches? no head?) and like “if I only stayed for 10wks it doesn’t seem impressive enough as a full semester” and “what if everyone learns something life changing the day I leave and I am the only one who was left out on the Forbidden Mysterious knowledge” and shit 📲💁🏻‍♀️🤣👍😅😋👍

yes!! I have talked to my parents incessantly about this because like. I have ALL these reasons to stay. and I’ve been beating myself up over like not being excited enough about them or whatever

but at the same time the only thing that sort of makes me feel better is the thought of leaving

Which probably says something about like, how I’m doing. And maybe my need to go DESPITE all these fun shiny experiences I could have while staying

And so today I woke up having decided that I am going to leave, and lay in bed until around 11:30 just idly on my phone (cancelled my hatchery service and everything), called my mom to tell her I decided to leave, emailed Nirali for an extra meeting, took a shower, went to lunch, went to class.

In class we had some guests, and Matthew talked about a tough event that had happened yesterday - a pair of shoes belonging to a past SJ student was found on campus during construction - and so the Kiks.ádi clan was going to come today and do a ceremony. Our guest Yeilt’ooch’ Tláa shared a really beautiful phrase they used in the Yukon:

Which she wrote and I approached her after to annotate. She had this amazing air to her that felt so welcoming and kind and grateful and it made me feel very happy to talk to her briefly. I found it tremendously beautiful and moving. In this context she said it to the people of history, I think, the people that lived on SJ campus, and the idea that we will not leave you all behind - as in we will not forget you, we will not leave you behind in the past. But she says it’s used for many occasions in the Yukon, not just for the recognition and bearing of history. Teenagers, she said, will say it to each other. If you have a 12-year-old that is slow. If you have a group of people running together. Hél is another version of Tlél (lit. translation “not”), yee is the second person plural, nák_ is “to leave behind,” and gax_too.aat is “we will” + “go” (used in reference to multiple people, who are us).

I thought about this for a while and was moved. I think this is a sentiment I will carry too. It’s reassuring to hear. It makes you feel cared for. And it’s very powerful, too. I thought about all the ways I wanted to bear history and the people I did not want to leave behind in it: my family, my predecessors on this continent, people in the world whose legacy or way of being I inherit, in one way or another, unto myself. And then I started thinking about how I could co-opt this for graduate school admissions (Histories of women? Queerness? Diaspora? Some other buzzword?) and now as I write this I feel mildly terrible about that.

(Quick aside: being here has gifted me a beautiful lexicon. “Ways of knowing,” “ways of being,” “holding things,” and so on. Haa kusteeyí, I think they spell it in Tlingit. Not sure on that though.)

Anyway, after class I approached Nirali and told her that I had decided I was leaving, and she told me that I was a gift, to which I asked for a hug and tried very hard not to cry. And then she was off to the ceremony and I was off to sit in my room and browse the CSmajors Reddit. Matthew said there would be a drum circle down at the docks at 5 and so a little bit before 5 I went down to the docks. I saw the ceremony still going while walking down so I mildly but did not particularly expect them.

I sat on the dock and looked at the setting sun and listened to the Oh Hellos.

I also talked into the SSP server about said feelings. At this point I was having a really lovely day because I had learned that wonderful phrase earlier and the sunset and sitting on the dock was very beautiful. I noticed the tide was very low so I walked down the path next to the science center onto the beach. The water had receded further than I had ever seen before, maybe fifty feet back, and plenty of rocks with barnacles and seaweed and sea grass (I was rather taken by how pretty and silky it looked) and mussels were all exposed. I spent maybe 10 minutes walking in this low tide zone. I tried to climb a large rock but my shoes kept slipping and so I made a smart decision to slide on my butt back down. Then I freaked myself out by telling myself waterlines always recede dramatically before tsunamis and scampered back up to SJ campus. (I’m pretty sure tsunamis are also preceded by earthquakes and that we get notifications for them if we can detect them, but hey anxiety, my old friend.)

While walking back I saw the mountains behind SJ campus. I think it was one of the Sisters. They were tall and pink-shadowed and very beautiful.

I then met with one of my SSP mentees to work on her early action essays, had dinner, found out the drum circle happened ten minutes after I’d left, felt mildly betrayed, and met with my other SSP mentee. I called my mom briefly to tell her about how great of a day I’d had and how it made me feel conflicted about leaving again. Now I keep thinking: but today was so lovely. If I have days like today, I don’t want to leave. There must be many more beautiful things that are waiting in the future here. Won’t I be missing all these new ways of knowing?

Afterwards I went into Jazz’s room and tried to tell her about leaving, but Ben came in and asked us to go to Pell’s. Normally I would say no thank you. But I was thinking, I’m leaving and I haven’t even been to Pell’s. So we went to Pell’s (I wore 4 layers on top and 2 layers on the bottom). It was very cold.

The stars were very beautiful. I was informed that at Samsing cabin everyone could a) see even more stars, even the Milky Way and b) everyone smoked weed together. One part was surprising to me. I did not know that.

I then begged to go on the docks to see the stars better. Apparently the aurora was supposed to be visible on the horizon tonight, but the mountains and town are north and we did not see much. Ben suggested the tennis courts, so we lay down there and I told them that I wanted to leave. Neither of them seemed very surprised and both were very supportive. Then I told them about how I was having second thoughts because of how nice a day I was having, to which Ben empathized. “I had the most fun when I thought I was leaving,” he said. “It was because I thought fuck it and just started doing things.” I agreed. I had just done that with Pell’s.

We also made it a bit down to the docks (it was very slippery, as a thin sheet of frost was intermingled with the top layer of wood) before we went back to Yaw because the other two people had to piss. Afterwards we dragged 3 sleeping pads outside to lie in the grass and look at the stars more. I told Jazz a bit of how horribly I was feeling these past 2 weeks and how I was worried there was something wrong with me. She was very kind and was like, “why didn’t you tell me! It helps to have someone there for you!” to which I was only able to sort of say something about pride and fear and not being able to ask for things in the thick of it.

The truth is that I think I keep pride and fear (and a few other relatives) so intensely close to me, so constantly, that they become my silence. And I really need to work on that. I think I will stick it through and leave. And I know I am leaving because I had such an awful experience with mental health these past few weeks which made me so sad to be here, in such a beautiful place. And I know that that experience happened because I was in a hard place, and I have been carrying a lot of weight, and I need to learn to listen to myself and be more kind to myself. I am horrible and ruthless to myself and I really deserve better. I think I have many parts of myself that are wonderful and gentle and good. But when I get so into my head, all I can do is think about how horrible I am and how vain and shallow and insubstantial I think myself to be. And I don’t really deserve that.

So I think I’m going to follow through with leaving. I need to figure out how to tell the rest of SB and staffulty. To be honest, I kind of really don’t want to. Especially after such a good day. And the kindness and warmth people bring on purpose here. Ben said that it’s hard to leave community. It’s hard to find a place where people genuinely care for you like they do here. And I think that is very true. I wish I spoke to staffulty more, picked their brains more, asked them more questions. But perhaps if I had stayed here and hurted I still would have left unsatisfied and resentful and unconnected. In this sense I think I would like to try again (not necessarily by repeating any experiences, but trying again as in connecting with others again) once I work with myself a little more.

I will miss this tremendously. Already I have a fear that I will never find a place like this in the world again. But I also think it is not wrong to go home. To rest - truly rest - and to ask myself how I can begin to heal. I don’t want to frame this as me blaming myself for ruining this experience with my weakness with respect to mental health or fortitude. Rather just that I am hurting. That is not a fault of mine. It’s hard for me to believe this, even as I’m typing this out in live time. But this is the truth. I did not blow this for myself because I am weak. Instead I am taking care of myself because I have been hurting for a long time. And Outer Coast is not perfect. There is a lot they could have done better. But I do not regret coming here at all. I have acquired many really wonderful experiences and ways of knowing. And I think I have taken a step in the direction of understanding myself the way I did before I went to MIT. That is very lovely and I am glad for it.

I think a lot of the questions are: how do I be truly, actively kinder to myself? How do I live and accept myself as-is? How do I stop taking everything and blaming it on myself as a personal failing? How do I begin to let go of pain? How do I learn to live in the present instead of running towards the future?

Oh, if only not for my stack of unread books… how am I gonna pack everything?!!

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tooweirdforyou · 3 years

Text

How The OP Boys Say “I Love You” To Their S/O

How You Know He Loves You- idk man

A/N : enjoy.

includes » Ace, Sabo, Luffy, law, Sanji, Zoro, Marco, Rosinante, Kid, Shanks, Mihawk, Katakuri, Izo, Koby, Cavendish,

Summary : the boys’ own way of saying “I love you”, with their own words and ways. Or, how you know he loves you.

? Wait did I do this before? I don’t even know. also these aren’t GREAT, but they aren’t HORRIBLE. Yk? Honestly tho, some of these seem like they’re all over the place, which yes, they might be. UGH IT WAS SO HARD THO.

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy loves you like an adventure. Everything is new and always fun to try with him, and no matter what happens, you don’t ever regret it, because you’re doing it with him.

He’s persistent in staying with you everywhere, he wants to do everything with you. He tends to invite you ( by pulling your hand ) to do crazy things with him and away from the others so you’re alone.

He’s always showing off his skills and stupidity in order to make you laugh, because your smile is the best thing he’s ever seen and giggles are the beautiful sound he treasures.

His actions are genuine when he holds your hand and pulls you to his side all the time, with the warmest, loving grin.

Luffy always makes sure to remind you to never give up hope.

“Let’s go on an adventure together, [Name].”

Roronoa Zoro

Zoro loves you like you’re his one and only. No one has priority over you, ( except maybe Luffy ), and you will always be his, if you’ll let him.

Zoro is not a man of many words when it comes to his own emotions and feelings, so he shows it through his actions.

He always has an eye on you, so wherever you are is where he ‘sleeps’ so he can keep you close, his swords at his side to protect you from danger, ( but he knows you can handle yourself. )

Zoro is the perfect person to lend a comforting shoulder and ear. He will listen to every single one of your problems intently and if he can, will offer the best advice you’ll hear, even if it’s a bit harshly. However, whatever got you so down, Zoro will bring you back up.

Zoro is always reminding you that you are strong, no matter how tough things get.

“Oi, come take a nap with me. I could use a body pillow.”

Portgas D. Ace

Ace loves you like a gentleman, respecting boundaries, bowing to the elderly you pass by together and always ready to pick you up for your date at seven, bouquet of flowers in hand.

If Ace is good at anything, it’s knowing how to distract you with a good time. He knows the best way to bring a beautiful smile to your lips and can easily make sure to avoid the thoughts that brought you down in the first place.

He’ll share stories that will make you die of laughter or feel so wholesome that you literally melt at how sweet it is.

The few times he expresses and shares his insecurities to you, something he hides within him because he trusts you enough to do so. He loves your understanding and comfort for him.

Ace always reminds you that you’ll be okay, even at the worst times.

“You are the light of my life.”

Chief of Staff Sabo

Sabo loves you like a prince. He holds the door for you, takes your hand so you don’t fall, has the most charismatic smile on his face and is just so charming.

Sabo will remember the littlest things, the smallest details that you yourself don’t even know until he reminds you, and because of this, you are often gifted the most memorable and cherishing gifts, like the scarf you two bought for your perfect snowman, to the necklace you were staring a little too longingly at on display.

He’s always busy, but he doesn’t hesitate to drop whatever he has just for you. He will run through fire if it means you’ll stop crying or if you’ll be happy to see him. You are his lifeline, his soul, his love.

He may not know how to properly cheer you up like his brothers can, but he knows that he wants the best for you. If you need space, you got it. You need some tender loving cuddles and buckets of ice cream while watching Disney movies? Vanilla or chocolate ice cream?

Sabo reminds you that you deserve happiness and peace.

“Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”

Trafalgar D. Water Law

Law loves you like you’re his savior, someone who’s always there during his time of need and insecurities, by his side when he needs you most.

He’s a little blunt and straightforward occasionally, but he’s honest somewhat. He won’t ever tell you his feelings until he deems it the right time, but you can tell he has feelings by the change in treatment.

He’ll keep you closer to him, making excuses by saying that he needs you to help him with the supply run, or that he needs your assistance with a particular menial task.

He’s awkward and shy about it at first but he cares and that’s all you need to know. Especially once you catch him during one of his weaker times, the anniversary of a particular someone rolling around, where he’s locked in his room. He needs you beside him, so please don’t leave him when he needs you.

Law reminds you that you are human, that it’s okay to be vulnerable.

“Just stay here with me.”

Vinsmoke Sanji

Sanji loves you like a god/goddess. He will treat you with the utmost respect and care and offers you everything you could possibly want or need, just say the word.

His genuine, endless daily compliments are given to you with pure love and passion, his daily refreshments and snacks to keep you energized and hydrated keeps an eye out for your health.

He makes sure you know the true meaning of flattery, chivalry and love, because that is all he can show you.

However, under that chivalrous exterior, is his calmer, understanding loving self, where he shows his true self and when he finally shares this side with you, where he holds his insecurities, it’s the true honor and love you can receive. And it’s even better, when you become the one who loves for him in return during this time.

Sanji reminds you that you deserve to be and are loved.

“You are my world, my everything.”

Marco The Phoenix

Marco loves you like a married couple who grew old together, still playing jokes and having fun to life’s fullest, no matter your age.

He’s constantly lecturing you for the smallest things repeatedly, since you always seem to forget. His lectures lack any annoyance or malice though, he’s just kind of done with you sometimes.

Nonetheless, he’s taking care of you more than you think, always the first one there whenever you need help. He’s always prepared for whatever you need so you don’t have to look for it and get worried.

He’s stern at times but he loves you more than you could ever know, often questioning himself whenever he’s beside you. He half-lidded eyes watching you with warmth and admiration because you always look so determined.

Marco always reminds you that you are free. To live life to its fullest and however you wish.

“Let me fly you to the moon.”

Donquixote Rosinante

Rosinante loves you like a husband, he treats you like his wife, either you or him welcoming each other home after being gone for so long and greeting each other with a loving kiss each time.

He knows just how tough things can be and as much as he tries to make things right, he knows how bad situations really are and no matter how much he wants to cry or get angry, he always holds a smile, in front of you. To assure you that things will be okay.

He gives the warmest hugs, and knows that, so whenever you’re angry or sad, or just randomly at times, Rosi envelops you into a large hug, waddling you back and forth a few times, you feel instant relief and content, which makes him smile.

His priority will always be you, even if he’s hundreds of thousands miles away, he will find his way back home to you. He surprises you with the littlest gifts; being flowers, jewelry, candles, or more.

Rosi will always remind you to smile, even during the hardest times.

“I will protect you.”

Eustass Kid

Kid loves you like a game, it’s unexpected, unpredictable of what will happen and it’s exciting and thrilling. For you both, one wrong move, and the other is gone for good, but perhaps, second chances/rematches are available.

He can be brash and a bit much, but Kid has high respect for anyone who actually makes it onto his crew and can actually tolerate him, you included.

He’s loud and wild but that only makes it part of the fun. With such a short fuse, as long as you play your cards right and pick your moments to bite back, it’s kind of fun knowing how dangerous it can be with a guy like Kid, and he also loves it equally, because your feistiness is attractive.

Being a bad bitch that doesn’t play by the rules is so incredibly attractive and Kid knows how to reward and punish so tread carefully. ;) however, he has his down moments and as annoying he can be, he does appreciate the effort you give if you try to comfort him. He’ll be harsh about it but eventually, he just wants you to be with him in the end.

Kid reminds you to rebel, take risks and enjoy the thrill of getting in dangerous situation every once in a while, breaking a few rules doesn’t hurt anybody. Most of the time.

“Don’t fucking ever leave me.. okay?”

Dracule Mihawk

Mihawk loves you like you’re an empress, only the finest and highest quality for you, nothing else can compare.

Mihawk will buy you the most expensive dress that suits you, with an equally expensive matching jewelry to go with. Not to mention the heels, and, tch, how could he forget the roses you require? Despicable.

As much as he loves to show you off, he despises the stares of awe and admiration you receive whenever you go out, so his possessiveness takes over and he has an arm around your waist at all times, successfully showing you’re taken and to back off if they don’t wish to be cut into oblivion.

He trains you to handle yourself, obviously, you should know at least some basic skills. He’s not too hard on you but does push you to keep going until you truly wish to stop. It’s only because he’s worried that one day, he won’t be there and won’t be able to protect you.

Mihawk reminds you that you are a queen/king, a strong person who shall hold your ground and never back down from fear and show your bravery.

“Come here, mi amor.”

Red Haired Shanks

Shanks loves you like you’re his future. It’s an unknown journey, but he’s there for the ride and whatever may happen, he’s there staying and won’t be going anywhere, unless it’s with you.

The red head is a goofball, he drinks, parties and messes around but he is an incredible captain and genuine to a fault. So when he expresses kindness, it is purely from his heart and not out of manners.

He is extremely playful and yet when down to business, he is calm, collected, and cool. He knows just what to say in tough situations and great comforting advice, so he’s the one to go to when you’re feeling down. And as laid back as he is, disrespect to those he loves is the one shit he won’t take.

He’ll hold you close and with his signature grin, compliment you and tell you how much he appreciates you and as soon as someone lays a finger on you, his hand is on the hilt of the sword and he waits three seconds for an explanation before he cuts them down. No one messes with his beloved.

Shanks reminds you of loyalty. To always protect and care for those close to you, and keep that built up trust and bond you created with them.

“Trust me. I won’t let go of you.”

Charlotte Katakuri

Katakuri loves you like you’re glass, he’s careful, protective, cautious and treats you like you’re fragile, because he’s afraid of hurting you.

He’s larger than most, he’s aware of that, so he always takes the precautions to be aware of his surroundings, especially when you are around. He wants you safe and he will be devastated if he is the cause of your pain.

His large stature is a blessing to you though, because cuddling is so comfortable and comforting, it’s amazing. You can curl up and relax and just be at ease with him, because he’s so protective of you, even from his family members. He often keeps you away from Cracker and Perospero, in the slightest chance that they try to take you away from him.

He’ll be extremely heartbroken if Big Mom doesn’t approve of you, but his love for you is stronger, so he’ll keep it a secret if he has to but eventually, he’ll pray and wish for her blessing, asking the help of his siblings to convince her.

Katakuri reminds you of family, that even friends or crewmates are family and love you all the same.

“I will be here for you.”

Captain Koby

Koby loves you like a typical high school crush. He’s all shy and blushy, and evidently embarrassed when the pretty one at school is talking to him, ( that’s you. ).

He’s like the wallflower type, who tries to blend in but somehow, he sticks out in a way that lures you to him, like he’s hit the jackpot.

He is incredibly sweet, and his shyness is so adorable. You can’t help but coo whenever you see his red cheeks and soft smile of care he offers.

Always helps you with everything, will take the blame whenever you get in trouble, takes the suffering and pain when guys try to mess with you, and no matter how tough things get, he’s holding a brave face for you.

Koby reminds you of kindness, treat everyone with care and kindness, and it goes a long way.

“If you fall, I’ll be there to catch you.”

16th Division Commander Izo

Izo loves you like you’re a painting, he thinks you are true beauty, inside and out, you are a work of art, a true Mother Nature masterpiece born. One to be admired.

The type to be there. He’ll hold your hair while you vomit, rubbing soothing circles on your back while you cry, painting your nails while you complain about Ace, assure your perfection when you’re feeling insecure.

Best advice giver, holds no judgements at all. He’ll help with anything, because you need him. Romantic advice, friendship, sexual advice ;), he will help you any way he can.

He truly admires you, not because of your beauty, but your strength to be able to cry. Crying doesn’t mean weakness but rather, strength to be able to move forward even in the worst of times.

Izo reminds you that you are beautiful, no matter what anyone thinks or says.

“You are true beauty, my love.”

Cavendish Of The White Horse

Cavendish loves you like you’re a princess, and he is your handsome Prince Charming.

Every thing he does it like from a fairytale, if it involved a rather.. bit of a narcissistic Prince Charming. But he means well, because he still treats you like a real princess.

He gives you daily horseback rides, teaching you with his strong arms wrapped around yours and his black fancy hat on top of your head, as you two ride around and share laughs and memories.

And even through his big ego, he still makes sure to compliment you, tell you how proud he is of you and how much he truly admires you for your strong will and determination, because he really does love you. More than you know.

Cavendish reminds you that dreams can come true, sometimes it just takes a leap of faith and effort.

“I will treat you like the princess you are and deserve to be.”

A/N : 15 fucking people and having to think of different things while I’m distracted is so HARD. 😭 please tell me you enjoyed though ;-;

but did I do this already? God I can’t remember a thing, especially since I still haven’t updated my masterlists- and I’m terribly sorry if this really is all over the place ;-; also apologies if this is repetitive for some of them! It really is difficult yk ;-;

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sweeethinny · 3 years

Text

Come and sit a while with me

It's been a year since I started all of this, that I wrote a fanfic to celebrate Ginny's birthday, and here I am, posting once again, keeping the tradition <3

This story will deal with grief, suicidal thoughts, but it has a happy ending, I swear

Happy birthday, Ginny.

AO3 | FF. NET | SIYE

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It was a normal afternoon at the Potters' house, Ginny wasn't working today and the kids were on vacation, James had gone out with friends, Lily was at the pool with her friends, and she and Albus were enjoying their free time before they had to get ready to go out to dinner and celebrate Ginny's birthday, so they lay on the sofa in the living room, both of them with moisturizing masks on their faces and hair, and the TV on.

The perfect day for her, if she was sincere.

"Mom," Albus muttered, looking at her curiously. "When did you know you loved dad?"

''I always loved your dad.''

''No… when did you know you really love him?'' Albus looked at her, his hair in a bun and his green eyes staring at her in the same way he had since he was born, as if he wanted to know the whole truth, and not half lies. "I mean, when did you look at him and realize he wasn't just another one?"

''Let me see…'' Ginny changed the channel when the movie ended, trying not to smile at the memory. ''I guess I never thought he was just another one, but there was a specific day when I was sure he was the one I wanted to marry…''

August 11, 1998

Ginny loved birthdays, it was simply her favorite date, along with Christmas.

How could anyone not be happy on the day that was entirely and unique to them? Everything revolved around her: the cake, the celebration, the attention, everything. It was her day, the day that Ginny didn't share with anyone, and even though she sometimes felt a bit of a bitch about it, she was glad none of her brothers were born on the same day as her..

She didn't want to have to share this too.

But today wasn't that happy day. Today wasn't sunny and as much as Molly had become more involved in her garden, Ginny's favorite flowers hadn't bloomed in time, as if they knew she was in mourning.

It was the first time that someone would be missing at the party.

Even Charlie called her over the Floo so everyone could sing together and celebrate, but today, it would be eight Weasleys for the first time, not nine. And Ginny didn't know how to deal with that, with that pain that seemed to consume her in every way, and that made her close the bedroom curtains and hide under the covers because she was exhausted.

Exhausted from fighting. Of having to be strong. Not being able to afford the privilege of just crying and admitting it hurt. It hurt a lot. At times it seemed almost impossible to bear. Ginny wanted for the first time in a long while, someone to take over things for her, letting her sleep and cry freely, without judgment, without trying to fix what was broken.

She didn't want a solution.

But she couldn't do that, Molly was doing her best to make this date happy, so that Ginny would realize that there was reason to celebrate, that Fred wouldn't want her to spend all day in her room. She also thought this was unfair, because Fred didn't have to bury one of them, Fred didn't have to go through grief, he never faced that pain, so what would he know?

Ginny knew. She knew what it was like to want to die every day since he died, she was the one who felt this agonizing loneliness that seemed to get bigger every day, she was the one who lay in bed at night and thought she could go crazy at any time because it hurt so much and it was so exhausting.

"May I come in?" A knock on her door made her jump as she tried to hide her dark circles with some of the makeup she had on, and his voice made her curse herself for still being in her pajamas.

''Yes.'' She tried to hide her nervousness because things were still a little awkward between her and Harry, even though she had kissed him a few days after the war ended, on the sofa in the living room in the middle of the night, when her room looked very cold and lonely, and Harry looked so cute wearing plaid pajamas and with his hair cut.

He clearly blamed himself for Fred's death, and Ginny still hadn't gotten over all the latest events: the Carrows' tortures, the war, the deaths, Fred…

Ginny had certain doubts, even though she didn't like to think about it, that they would last.

Maybe they were that couple that everyone looks at and says 'what if life had been different with these two?', figuring they could be something more if there hadn't been so much destruction in their midst.

"Happy birthday." Harry still looked tired, he hadn't regained his weight, but he was already showing signs of improvement, which was good. Ginny was happy to see him look good.

He was wearing the outfit she helped him buy for his birthday when they, Ron and Mione went for a walk in Muggle London. A light blue T-shirt, dark jeans, and black sneakers. A simple outfit, no big deal, but one that seemed to make him look even more handsome, if that was even possible.

The woman who would marry him would be very lucky, Ginny thought.

''Brought it for you.'' She hadn't even noticed that he had his hands behind his back, looking nervous as he showed her a bouquet of honeysuckle, tied with a red satin bow, and a cream-colored card pinned there with his name signed. "I know they're your favorites, and I thought you'd like it." He smiled awkwardly. "I noticed yours didn't bloom this year, and I thought you might want to continue the tradition."

"You didn't have to worry about that." Ginny had to swallow hard to keep from crying in front of him, even though there wasn't a reason to.

"Of course I did, it's your birthday, I want to see you happy." Harry shrugged, his cheeks flushing as if he'd been out in the sun for hours on end. He was so cute, Ginny wished she didn't like him so much, because that way, when their imminent separation came, it wouldn't hurt so much. ''How is your day? I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I think your mom made your favorite cake.''

"It's okay, as far as possible," she shrugged. "Mom is trying to keep me away from the kitchen and all the preparation, so I decided to stay in the bedroom."

''Are you going to be here until party time?'' She thought Harry would start the same speech Hermione gave her when she said she was going to do it, which was the same as Bill and his father: Fred wouldn't like it. Besides, you need to celebrate that you're alive, enjoy life…

Ginny was ready to fight with him, just as she had with the three of them.

"Is there a problem?" Ginny crossed her arms, careful not to crush the flowers.

Harry was bigger than her, but that wouldn't stop her from kicking him out if necessary.

''No. Want company?" Harry looked sincere though. "We can assemble that puzzle you bought, remember?"

''Do you want to stay here? Assembling a puzzle?' Ginny followed Harry as he walked around her room as if the surroundings had been familiar to him for years already, looking for the box on her shelves, which was a total mess of old books, photos and other stuff.

"Of course, it's your day, we'll do whatever you want, ma'am."

August 11, 2021

''How did you know you loved him? Because he wants to assemble a puzzle with you?" Albus asked, no longer paying attention to the TV.

''No and yes. See, unlike everyone else that day, your dad respected my grief. He didn't try to make me go outside, see the bright side of things, nothing. He just stayed there with me, accepting that on that day, I wanted to stay inside my room, putting together a puzzle… He paid attention to the flowers I liked, in the cake." Ginny smiled. "That dawn, after everyone else went to sleep, I finally managed to cry, and son, it's a pain I can't put into words." She swallowed, not wanting to get emotional. ''Over time it gets a little easier, but that year, it was a pain that seemed to tear my chest apart. And do you know what your dad did? He sat with me, hugged me, and listened to me cry for an hour, not saying anything, just standing there by my side.''

The memory was no longer as painful as it had been, and Ginny allowed herself to smile as the image of Harry lying beside her on the bed, his arms around her waist, came back to her mind.

"He never tried to save me, he just stayed there with me, helping me when I needed it, and that was the most important thing."

"He saved you in the chamber," Albus remembered, a mischievous smile on his lips that reminded her of Fred when he was younger. Ginny didn't even know it was possible, but it was always the image that came to her mind when she saw Albus smile like that.

"It was a different situation." She shrugged.

"Did you doubt you would marry him after that day?"

"Never again." And it was true. ''Since that morning, when I woke up and he was still sleeping with me after I cried and sobbed things I don't even remember anymore, I knew he was the one I would marry.'' Ginny touched the ring that was already on her finger for over twenty years now, still smiling like a fool as she remembers the marriage proposal and the marriage itself.

"And why weren't you sure you'd be with him before that?"

''It's not that I wasn't sure, it's just that when you go through something really bad, everything around you seems to fall apart together, it's like nothing else has a solution and you are bound to fail whatever you try. It's a horrible feeling, I hope you never feel that.'' Ginny shifted on the couch to give him a closer look. ''Why this now?''

"Just curiosity." Albus smiled, his cheeks a little flushed. "Happy birthday again, Mom, I love you so much." He kissed her forehead, as she usually did.

''I love you too, my love.''

#hinny #harry x ginny #ginny weasley #harry potter next generation #next gen harry potter #albus severus potter #albus is a cute boy <3 #my fic #happy birthday ginny #harry and ginny

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theblacklupins · 3 years

Text

Brief mention of sex (but nothing explicit), brief relationship abuse, a lot of cursing, and heavy angst (idk if i know how to write angst but :D)

“Sirius?”

Sirius looked up from the ground to find a certain werewolf with a frown on his face. The rest of his expression remained neutral, even his eyes. Classic Remus Lupin, never showed his true emotions. Always so blank.

“Mm?” Sirius murmured, not meeting the other boy’s eyes so he couldn’t see the turmoil in them.

“You look,” Remus started, pausing awkwardly and rubbing the back of his neck, “sad.”

Sirius, with as much effort as he could muster, forced a hopefully convincing smile onto his lips. “I’m not. Just tired. You know, with exams and all.”

Remus paused again before slowly saying, “Exams are three months away.” He raised an eyebrow. “Even the teachers haven’t started pestering us on revision yet.”

Sirius mentally slapped himself. “Well, uh, I’m revising a bunch myself. It’s tiring, you know?”

Remus didn’t say anything back, just stared at him with those emotionless eyes of his.

“Well, I, uh, have go get going now. James wants me to... hang out with him.” Sirius internally cringed at his lie. “See you, Moons.”

As Sirius turned away, Remus asked abruptly, “It’s not about your boyfriend, is it? What’s his name, Philipp?”

Sirius froze before turning back to face the werewolf, faux smile already forming across his face. “No, of course not! Why would you think that?”

Remus stared at him with narrowed eyes before turning and walking away.

The truth was, Philipp had been the first to approach Sirius. Blonde, tall and good looking, Sirius had taken to him immediately. They both seemed to have the same humour and interests, and were able to hold on conversations for hours on end. They were like a perfect match.

It wasn’t long before Sirius started catching feelings. He hadn’t really liked someone in years, only going for flings and one night stands. But Philipp, he’d thought, was different from the others. Philipp was the guy who understood him most, apart from his best friends.

Sirius had confessed and they started dating immediately. Philipp was always one to initiate touches, which Sirius warmly welcomed. But James, Peter and even Remus showed discomfort whenever they had kissed or brought their hands just a little too low for others’ eyes. It made Sirius a little annoyed.

“It’s not that we don’t like you being with him, you look happy,” James had said when Sirius confronted them about it. “It’s just that... we barely know Philipp. And it’s a little... awkward whenever you guys get a little... handy.”

Peter scoffed. “That’s to put it mildly. You two were nearly having sex in the common room while we were trying to study. You had half your shirt off, Sirius.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes as anger began to brew in his stomach. “Like you’re any better, Wormy, you and your girlfriend in the dorms—"

Peter glared at him. “Shut up.”

Sirius had felt a sick sense of satisfaction before Remus cut in. “You both shut your mouths. This isn’t going anywhere. Simplest solution to this? Keep it in your goddamn pants until you’re alone. If that’s too much, do a quickie in a fucking bathroom or something.”

Sirius let out a huff before rolling his eyes. “Fine. Whatever. I’m going to go find Philipp.”

Now, Sirius regretted ever having anything to do with his boyfriend.

As they days passed, Philipp grew more and more obsessed and possesive over Sirius, not letting the boy talk to anyone without him just beside the boy, and looking through any letters he got and delivered. It crossed the line when Philipp started sorting out through letters Sirius had gotten from his family. The argument ended in screams and insults thrown at each other, which caused Sirius to nearly cry. They made up with sex a few hours later, though.

Sirius realised that, the morning after when he had woken up with his boyfriend gone from the bed, Philipp had never apologised once.

It got to the breaking point when Philipp suggested he stopped talking to the Marauders while they were sitting on the grass outside.

“What?” Sirius nearly yelled, turning his head to Philipp. “What do you mean, stop talking to them? That’s utter fucking bullshit! They’re my goddamn friends, Phil, you can’t just tell me not to ghost them!”

Philipp narrowed his eyes. “Fine. It’s either me or them, Sirius. Choose between us.”

Sirius was frozen, thoughts muddled and in a whirlwind. Philipp or the Marauders? It was supposed to be an obvious choice, an easy one. But Sirius couldn’t decide. Why didnhe even have to decide? Why couldn’t he have both?

But Sirius shook his head, eyes narrowing. “No. They were here for me first. You can’t just expect me to abandon my friends because you want me to. Especially after all the shit you’ve done to me.”

“I was trying to protect you!” Philipp roared, making Sirius flinch back. “I wanted the best for you! Clearly your so-called friends want me out of the picture because they’re jealous of the time we spend together!”

Before Sirius could even open his mouth to speak, Philipp raised a hand, and the other boy flinched back horribly.

A hand caught Philipp’s a centimetre away from Sirius’ cheek.

“Well. I see that this date is going well?”

Sirius raised his head to find Remus holding back Philipp’s hand. He shoved the blonde boy back, standing in front of Sirius, as if guarding him.

“Listen mate, you’re not really in any position to hit my best friend,” Remus said impassively. “Either hands off of him from now on or I’m reporting you.”

Philipp laughed, a manic, crazy sound. “Please, I’m his boyfriend. Do you think I’ll listen to you? Do you think he’ll listen to you?”

Remus raised an eyebrow and faced Sirius. “Well? You want to stay with this crazy bastard then, Sirius?”

Sirius swallowed, glancing at Philipp and back to Remus, hesitating. However, the few seconds of silence seemed to make Remus understand. His expression turned icy, back straightening. He nodded.

“I’ll be taking my leave now.”

Remus started walking away, and Philipp hung an arm around Sirius’ shoulders. “Bitch. Called me a crazy bastard.”

Sirius shrugged off his arm and ran towards where Remus had disappeared into the castle, ignoring Philipp’s shouts of his name.

“Remus?” Sirius yelled when he entered the common room. He found the werewolf curled up in an armchair, holding a book.

His hands were shaking.

“Remus?” Sirius whispered, walking towards the werewolf timidly.

“I don’t know why you’re with him,” Remus said suddenly, voice sharp. “Do you not see what he’s doing to you? He’s fucking crazy! He’s obsessed with controlling you and he hates knowing that you’re hanging with other people, even though they’re all clearly your friends. He’s toxic as fuck, he makes you second guess yourself constantly. Don’t even try to deny it, I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count. He does things to your head, Sirius. He’s fucked up. Why can’t you just see that?”

Sirius kept quiet, tears brimming in his eyes as the truth was forcefully shoved into his face. He knew he had realised this long ago, but only now was he coming to terms with it. Only now was he accepting the truth. So fucking stupid.

“You deserve more than him,” Remus croaked, voice breaking. It shattered Sirius’ heart. “You deserve so much more. But you won’t let yourself have it.”

Sirius felt tears spill down his cheeks.

“And it fucking hurts to know that I’m not worth enough for you.”

Sirius snapped his head up to look at Remus, whose eyes were closed tightly, but tears still streamed down his face.

“Remus,” Sirius whispered, voice broken.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered, pained breaths hissing through his clenched teeth. “I knew he was bad for you— but you looked so happy. I didn’t want to take that away. I— I knew I had no right to say anything, because I’m no better than him. And when he started— started acting like an asshole, I didn’t want to say anything. You were already so mad at James and Peter for telling you to stop being so touchy with him in front of them, how would you react if I told you he was a toxic bitch? What if you hated me? What if you thought that I was trying to, I don’t know, break you two apart?”

“Remus, please,” Sirius whispered brokenly.

“He was your everything,” Remus muttered. “And I... I’m nothing to you.”

Sirius didn’t even think. He just ripped the book from Remus’ hands and pressed his lips against the werewolf’s, grief and sadness and overwhelming emotion fuelling the kiss.

It was a mess of feelings and tears, and the ever growing need to be nearer to each other. It was pure, raw, and nothing like they’d ever experienced in their lives.

They broke apart after a few seconds, staring into each other’s eyes before Remus pushed him off.

“Sirius, no,” Remus whispered, not looking at him. “No. I’m— no. This— we can’t happen.”

Sirius glared at him. “And tell me why. Why it can’t work. Because, Remus, I seem to fucking like you. And it seems you do too, judging from that kiss we just had.”

“You’re still with Philipp,” Remus muttered.

“I’ll break up with him.”

They stayed silent for a while, before Sirius whispered, “If it’s because you think you’re not worthy of me, Remus Lupin, you’ve never been more wrong in your entire life.”

Remus sucked in a breath.

“You’re one of the smartest people I know,” Sirius said quietly. “You’re compassionate, kind, and caring as fuck. You don’t show it, but I can see through your facade. You’re determined when you want something, and you fight for it. You’re fucking amazing, Remus. You hold this— this fire in your eyes, and it’s like it’s driving you forward every day. Anything you face, you do it with as much courage and bravery anyone could possibly have. You’re— you’re a beacon, Rem. You’re a light that gives me direction. And I— I think I love you for that. I think I love you. And you being a werewolf doesn’t change any of that. An added bonus that you’re pretty cute, too.”

Finally, finally, a laugh from Remus. It sounded so much better than the ragged sobs he’d been trying to hide.

“I’ll break up with him,” Sirius murmured, nuzzling into Remus’ side, hands coming up to wipe away the tears on the werewolf’s face.

“What if he doesn’t let you?”

Sirius chuckled. “I’ll get James. And Lily.”

“You’re really trying to scare him shitless, really? Those two?”

Sirius shrugged. “Hey. He deserves it.”

Remus laughed, a breathy sound that was rarely heard by anyone. “That, I agree.”

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teamsarawatshusband · 3 years

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Day 12 - Favorite Cast

I feel a bit ashamed that I’m so way behind schedule, but I’m intend on catching up. So!

This one was tough, because I don’t have one show that has an absolutely perfect cast, but I’m gonna pick what I think gets closest, based on what I feel makes good actors. So, to me, a good actor is capable to portray a multi-layered role, i.e. a character that has more than just one personality trait.

The Untamed is a show that has a ton of actors, many with minor roles which still provide a chance to show exactly that skill. So, aside from the obvious awesomeness in the main cast, here’s some other examples (by far not all that the show has to offer):

Zi Teng as Lan Qiren - the character is honorable and strict, a perfect teacher, but he also has some rare moments where he is amused by the young disciples, even though he’d never admit it, and he does recognize and respect Wei Wuxian’s honesty and intelligence on more than one occasion, even though he’s mostly outraged by him. And, I think Zi Teng’s acting as Lan Qiren was beautiful in its nuances.

Zhang Jing Tong as Madam Yu - She is so unspeakably horrible to Wei Wuxian in how she emotionally blackmails him again and again, whether it’s out of jealousy over her husband’s adultery rumors or the motherly need to support her own son above all else. She can be ruthless and unforgiving when she wants. But, she very clearly loves her children and her clan and would do whatever it takes to keep them safe, even if it costs her life. I think the series also did a really good job at showing that, deep down, she truly loves her husband. It became clear in those last moments where she crawled towards him as she was dying. What a great badass character. And Zhang Jing Tong played her wonderfully.

He Peng as Wen Chao - OMG, don’t we all hate him with the fire of a thousand suns?! Wen Chao is SUCH an asshole. Pardon my French, but it’s the truth. He’s a whiny little good-for-nothing bitch with a superiority complex. BUT, he’s also so sadly desperate for his father’s approval, and, at the end of his life, he’s just a scared little wimp, isn’t he? It takes a great actor to be able to portray a character like that. I definitely applaud He Peng for the amazing job he did.

Cao Jun Xiang as Ouyang Zizhen - I don’t know about you, but I just really like him. For a super minor character, he’s actually incredibly relatable. He gets scared, shows feelings. And, guys, he’s not afraid to cry nor is he afraid to stand up to his father. He’s such a wonderful character with actual development. I love him. And Jun Xiang was a great choice for this role.

Guocheng as Lan Jingyi - Since we’re already talking about the Junior Disciples... This guy is so many people’s favorite, isn’t he? While he is a Lan, i.e. calm, serene and well educated, sometimes he just steps out of those Lan lines and gets just a tad sassy. He’s not afraid to put people in their place and sting them with their own poison for a bit. Not many people could walk the fine line between respectful junior and underground sass queen like Goucheng. Look at that smirk. Perfect casting is perfect.

Chen Zhuoxuan as A’Qing - Wasn’t she amazing??? What a great character... a little girl with street smarts who cons people by pretending to be blind, who finds a friend to take her away from that life and strive for better, only to end up blinded for real and robbed of everything good in her life. And she has so many layers. She’s smart, funny, cute, sassy, but she also has a heart of gold and is so desperate to protect her found family. The way Zhuo Xuan acted her suffering at the end of the Yi City arc, yet STILL determined to save so many lives is just one of the most impressive acting jobs I have seen on this series. I mean, WOW!

Wang Haoxuan as Xue Yang - Do I even have to explain this one? Look at him. Look at him acting a character that is so full of hatred, so crazy in mind, that he has no other goals in life than taking revenge on everybody. He feels perverted joy in other people’s suffering, the worse the better. Yet, for a sociopath, he is so sadly desperate to make connections to somebody. He yearns for Xiao Xingchen’s company and willingness to remain his found family. He yearns for Wei Wuxian’s approval when it comes to his demonic cultivation. He’s not GOOD, but there’s more there than just hatred. There’s desire and dreams and hopes. Also, obviously, he’s very very sexy. I mean... And Wang Hao Xuan portrayed this character so perfectly. I can’t imagine anybody else doing it like he did it. So so so good.

Ji Li as Nie Huisaeng - I know I said no main roles, but... how could I not mention him, when, for most of the series, I had no idea of his involvement in... everything. For the longest time, I wasn’t even aware how much of a main character he truly truly was. It takes a perfect actor to play the role of a seemingly scared, incompetent and indecisive man who is secretly the one who pulls all the strings - and be so convincing that most of the audience doesn’t see it coming. Ji Li, man... what a great great actor, omg.

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olivetreehugger · 3 years

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SnK Warriors as Health Care Workers

I’m an ICU nurse, and I’ve come across a tonnnn of different types of healthcare workers in my line of work. These are just my hc’s for what kind of HCWs the Warrior unit would be. These are totally my opinion! Also, real healthcare is NOT the same as TV healthcare, not every doctor is a surgeon (and they’re not the best, either). Anyway, here we go :)

Warnings: mentions of blood, medical procedures, opioids, death

-Zeke: he’d be a fourth year neurosurgery resident. Neurosurgery residents are either cold, arrogant assholes or fun bros. No in-between. They’re always on the move or in surgery honing their skills. They don’t sleep and they’re on call 24/7.

Zeke is always carrying a strong, black Starbucks coffee and reeks of cigarette smoke. He’s always exhausted because he's covering all the neuro patients in the hospital overnight and then rounds with the attending (Magath? idk) in the morning til like 2pm. It’s a miracle he doesn’t kill anyone. He’s wicked smart and super talented in the OR, but kind of a dick with the nurses. He shows up at the bedside to do a quick procedure, doesn’t tell the nurses ahead of time. He grabs all the supplies on his own because “the nurses don’t know what I like” and then when he’s done he’ll leave the leftover dirty gloves, removed drain, stray bloody gauze, and empty boxes all over the room. He has a somewhat asinine attitude towards patients, poor bedside manner. He doesn’t order pain medication for the intubated patient before removing a drain bc “they’re sedated, right?” No, Dr. Jaeger, neuro patients don’t get heavy sedation. Please order a small dose of pain meds. You’re hurting them. “Oh, right. I’ll order that.” No, he won’t. Zeke always promises to throw in orders, always forgets.

You’ll spend your shift paging him for orders, cleaning up after him and getting rude comments over the phone. He’s gonna make a fantastic neurosurgeon, though. He’ll save your life.

-Porco: An ER resident for SURE. He loves the chaos of the emergency department. A typical male in healthcare-he loves the trauma, the blood and guts, the crazy. He tries to avoid pregnant women and kids, they freak him out. BUT, that didn’t stop him from holding a woman’s hand when she gave birth right there in the ER lobby. Great bedside manner. So smart. And he’s super sweet, actually??? He also creates secret handshakes with the kids and sweet talks the old ladies to make them more comfortable. He tells them to call him Pock or Porco, not Dr. Galliard.

Unfortunately, When he first started, he got a little too cocky and claimed he didn’t need to scan a patient after getting hit in the chest with a hockey stick. Patient suffered a ruptured vessel and almost died right there. After a very rigid monitoring program, he was able to practice again. He’s also a giant flirt. He dated most nurses in the hospital and they ALL talk about his dick game.

Porco rides his motorcycle to work and sometimes skips his helmet. All the nurses shame him for it, reminding him of the horrible head injuries that come in through the trauma bay because of motorcycle crashes. He comes in double fisting Monster energy drinks and jamming to whatever his air pods are playing probably Hamilton. ER residents are chaotic and funny and Porco is no different. During a code blue (a patient’s heart stopped) he kept calm and hummed “stayin’ alive” while they performed CPR. He runs a code like a goddamn CHAMP. He has ACLS memorized to a T and intubates better than most attendings. The nurses will tell him the patient’s labs look better after the medication he ordered and he’ll be like “Hell yeah, let’s keep it goin’” or “A’ight let’s get crazy” before an emergency procedure. If the nurses can’t place an IV, you bet your sweet ass he’s grabbing the ultrasound and throwing a few in for them <3

Pieck: She’s an infectious disease PA. She’s very soft-spoken, patient and intelligent. Orders and notes are always flawless. Apologizes whenever she orders blood cultures and even offers to draw them for the nurses if they’re busy. She buys everyone pizza when she’s on the unit. All the nurses love her. She’s perfect.

Annie: A nightshift CVICU nurse. There’s a joke online that cardiovascular/cardiothoracic ICU nurses are the biggest bitches ever. And it’s true, most are. BUT. Annie is probably the best nurse to have if you’ve just come out of open-heart surgery or had a lung transplant. She knows exactly what to do when a patient is crashing and is a BEAST when it comes to chest compressions. She is a pro at putting in IVs and troubleshooting pumps/machines when they don’t work. She has every single lab value, test and medication stored in that brain of hers and can pull it out before you can finish asking a question.

She gives a quick, concise report on all her patients and expects the same. If you don’t, she rolls her eyes at you and rushes you. “I don’t need useless information. What drips are you running?” She gets in trouble sometimes because she makes her student nurses cry, but “why don’t they know how to zero an arterial line? it’s not my fault they don’t know their stuff.” No, Annie. You’re supposed to teach them. “Oh.”

She wears the newest, cutest scrubs and has an ivory and rose-gold stethoscope. Don’t tell her it’s basic, though, she’ll put you on her shit list lol. She also hates being floated to the medical ICU because “they don’t know what they’re doing”.

Reiner: Our king is a medical ICU nurse who started in the ER. He loved the wild west that was the ER but started to feel burnt out after seeing so many child deaths and cases of abuse. When he finally realized what it was doing to him he applied for a medical ICU position on night shift and transferred right away.

Baby, he thrived there. This guy is so compassionate with his patients and knows how to advocate for them well. He has a great rapport with all the physicians (except Porco, when Reiner was working ER they would butt heads frequently) He’s great to give report to, never gives the previous nurse a rough time. When he reports off to the next shift, his rooms are a little messy sometimes but he ALWAYS has extra supplies for you and the patient is clean. He learned so much from the patients and his peers that he was eventually promoted to charge RN. He’s the best charge nurse. Knows all the protocols and will call any doctor for you. Anytime you need help doing a procedure, he’s your man: IVs? “How many you want?” Blood draw? “I’ll grab the tubes”. Patient’s about to code? “I got compressions”. Call security for the violent patient down the hall? “I AM security”.

His scrubs are a little snug around his shoulders and chest and he knows this. Baby likes to show off. He likes to flex his muscles for anyone watching, but he’s not a douche. Reiner is an absolute gentleman with his female coworkers, never complains when they ask him for lifting help. In fact, he loves being of use. It’s why he’s a nurse in the first place: he loves helping people <33

Bertholdt: He started with Reiner in the ER but wanted something more stable so he transferred to the burn unit (get it?). Reiner still hasn’t forgiven him.

Colt: He’s in nursing school but loved the idea of being a trauma nurse. Then he did a clinical rotation in the trauma ICU and fainted when a confused patient ripped a screw out of his fractured arm. After that he decided to do pediatrics lol.

#aot headcanons #zeke jaeger #reiner braun #porco galliard #pieck finger #annie leonhardt #colt grice #bertoldt hoover #bertholdt hoover #zeke headcanons #reiner headcanons #porco headcanons #pieck headcanons #annie leonhardt headcanons #attack on titan #snk

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xtrashmammalstefx · 4 years

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Stubborn Asshole (A Zak Bagans x Reader SMUT)

WARNINGS: Smut, language, possession

Special Thanks: To @xcazzax for being an awsome reader and source of inspiration. I couldn’t do this without you girly. 🥰

I love Aaron like a brother, don’t get me wrong, but DAMN HIM FOR BRINGING SUCH AN ASSHOLE INTO MY LIFE!

Douchey McGee: Hey Aaron said to message u.

He said: Get the fuck up Y/N!

Me: Tell him I said thnx and

and 2 not have the douche do

his dirty work.

Douchey McGee: Well fuck u 2 Y/N.

I sighed and crawled out of my hotel bed. We’d flown in late the previous night and I was still exhausted. I showered and got dressed in my ripped black skinny jeans, my black GAC shirt, and combat boots. I grabbed my hoodie and purse on the way out. Downstairs in the attached restaurant the rest of the crew were gathered for breakfast and much needed coffee.

“Morning gorgeous,” Aaron greeted.

“Fuck off Goodwin, I haven’t even had my coffee yet,” I said taking my seat beside him. “And by the way since when is boss man your own personal secretary.”

“And here I thought you didn’t know me as anything but Douche McGee, douche, or my personal favorite: Stubborn asshole son of a bitch.” Zak chimed in.

“Good morning to you too Satan,” I rolled my eyes.

I swear ever since we met Zak has made it his life mission to push my buttons in any way he can. But unfortunately for this psychotic fuck, two can play that game.

“Huh that’s original,” Zak continued.

I rolled my eyes and ordered an omelet with coffee. “So you gonna tell me when you decided to make boss man your bitch?” I asked Aaron.

“Well I figured I’ve been the bitch long enough so…” Aaron said.

“Dude, since when have I ever treated you like a bitch?” Zak asked.

“Every time you forced him to stay in a fucked up room by himself during an investigation like a fucking sadist?” I pointed out.

“Oh...right…” Zak said looking like he felt a tinge of guilt.

“Does that mean I’m a bitch too since he’s been doing the same thing to me lately?” Billy chimed in.

“Unfortunately,” I said just as my breakfast arrived arrived. “Oh, thanks.” I said to the waitress.

“Only you can go from bitchy to bubbly in zero seconds flat,” Zak said.

“Fuck you too, Bagans,” I muttered taking a bite of my omelet.

“Not in this life babe,” Zak muttered taking a sip of his coffee.

It continued like that even in the car on the way to the days location: Bly Manor. According to our sources Bly Manor was built in the 1800’s by Charles Bly, an Irish immigrant who made a fortune selling liquor and tobacco. By the time of the Civil War he decided to try his hand at weapons manufacturing which earned him enough to break ground on his dream house. He lived in the manor with his family. His wife Athena, and his daughter Josephine.

It said that on a sunny afternoon while do work in the Manor’s yard a man by the name of Bishop Wiley showed up and shot him dead. Supposedly Wiley’s son Robert was a soldier in the war and was killed by the very guns Charles helped build.

Charles has since been purported sighted walking the manor grounds. His wife Athena has been seen playing the piano, and wandering the halls. As for Josephine well… she was the most famous spirit of all.

“Josephine has been seen on the balcony of the Red Room,” explained our tour guide as we interviewed her. “The story goes that Josephine had met and fallen in love with a man at a nearby farm. And just before they were due to be married he left to fight in the war. She promised to wait for him there until his return. Hopeful that they could still marry and have a family. Sadly the man lost his life in Gettysburg. Charles felt so horrible he felt the need to keep it from her. So she continued to wait. And continues to wait to this very day.”

My heart ached for Josephine. It’s a whole other level of hell to lose someone so dear… I damn near jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, you okay?” Zak asked.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine,” I said before following the tour guide.

We eventually took a break for lunch and then got ready for the investigation. Unlike most of the crew I made it a habit of carrying a small black backpack. I was just stuffing a recorder, spirit box, and MEL Meter when someone pat my shoulder.

“Hey are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Zak asked again.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m good, um, why the niceties?”

“I may be an asshole sometimes but I do feel for people now and then,” he said.

“Even me?” I arched an eyebrow at him. Before he could answer Aaron barged in needing to grab a spare lens for the camera.

We continued prepping in silence and then slowly but eventually the sun went down and moon shined bright.

Aaron, Zak, and I went in together. We worked together as a group for a while before (in true Zak Bagans fashion) we split up.

“Y/N I want you to stay up here for a while and see if Josephine will communicate with you,” Zak said.

“Alright,” I said stepping out onto Josephine’s balcony. Zak and Aaron disappeared through the Red Room door and I took out my recorder. “Josephine, are you here?” I started. “If so do you think you could answer a few questions for me? I promise you I mean no harm. Just speak into this little device for me.”

I felt a chill in the air but continued. “Why are you still waiting for him?” I asked. “Don’t you think he’s waiting for you on the other side?”

I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness and anxiety. I slid down to the ground and then... He promised me. I kept thinking for some odd reason. He promised...he promised we’d go...he promised on the stars...he promised we’d be together.

The thoughts kept coming, and I don’t know when it started but I only realized I was crying when I felt someone shake me violently. “Y/N TALK TO ME DAMMIT!!!”

Zak knelt in front of me looking freaked. “D-Don’t ever leave me,” I cried. “Please don’t ever leave me.”

“Josephine leave her alone, please,” Zak asked. “I know what happened to you was cruel and unfair but that doesn’t mean she should suffer like this.” Call me crazy but Zak actually sounded kind of pissed. There was another chill and he knelt beside me again. “I’m here sweetheart…” He whispered brushing my cheek with his hand. “I’m here.”

I looked up at him and saw a face that was not his. His hair was chocolate brown and barely touched his shoulders, his eyes the same. My heart took off in joy and I threw my arms around him. He squeezed me before pulling back and taking my face in his hands. “Promise not to disappear on me again?” I asked.

“I promise,” he muttered before bringing his lips to mine. We kissed passionately as though it was a long time coming. After a while it felt like a weight lifted off me and my legs became limp. “WHOA!”

Zak caught me. It was for sure him this time. I was suddenly more aware of things...more awake. “Zak...what? What happened?”

“I dunno,” he said. “But I’m getting you the fuck out of here.”

He scooped me up in his arms and carried me all the way to the GAC van.

“You know you didn’t have to carry me right?”

“Says the girl who just nearly passed out on me,” Zak said setting me down in the back of the van.

“Um Zak did you want us to edit out the last bit of her footage or..?” Billy asked awkwardly.

“Edit it out? Why?” Zak asked. Blushing furiously Billy replayed the footage from the night vision cam we had facing the balcony. It showed me slowly crumbling and then…

“Oh sweet fucking Jesus,” I groaned as Zak and I started making out on screen.

“Uh...yeah I don’t think we need to uh-*cough*-show that,” Zak said turning back to me. “Are you, uh, gonna be okay?”

“Um...yeah I think so,” I said not entirely meeting his eye. “You-uh-you go ahead. I’m just gonna chill with Billy the rest of the night.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Now go before I drag you back in by your balls,” I threatened.

“Oh yeah you’re gonna be fine,” he said turning his back on me.

“You know you two are actually kinda hot together,” Billy said.

“What? Are you high? Zak and I can barely stand each other,” I said.

“Bull-fucking-shit Y/N,” Billy laughed. “We all can see there is insane tension going on between you. We just don’t get why you guys haven’t done anything about it.”

“What are we the hot gossip going around the office or something?”

“I mean, if this almost-porno is anything to go by...then yeah.”

“Billy I swear to God if I catching you jerking off to that—.”

“You’ll cut my nuts off I know,” he finished for me. “Besides I would never in hell jerk off to my best friend and his girl. It’s too weird.”

“I’m not his girl,” I snapped at him.

“Whatever you say Y/N,” Billy laughed. “Now did you wanna review this evidence with me or..?”

And so I did.

Once the investigation ended we packed up, caught a few minutes sleep then made our way back to Vegas.

Billy, Jay, and Aaron were dropped off first. Then it was just me and Zak.

Aaron: Try not to kill Zak please.

Me: No promises.

Zak then pulled up to my place.

“Are we never gonna talk about it?” I asked as he parked.

“What’s there to say?” he asked. “It-It was a freak incident. We-we weren’t ourselves.”

“True you were actually nice for once,” I said sarcastically.

Zak glared at me. “Go fuck yourself, Y/N.”

“Fuck me yourself you coward,” I blurted out. “I mean...um...fuck!” I sighed and stepped out of the car. I had just unlocked my door when…

“Y/N!” I turned around and saw Zak running up to me.

“Wha―” I was cut off by Zak slamming his lips to mine.

He kissed me hard, as though he was relieving an ache deep within his heart. I kissed back and clumsily opened my door. Zak picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and carried me to my bedroom. He placed me on the bed and I reached up to pull his shirt off. I tossed it aside and eventually more articles of clothing followed.

Zak laid me back on the bed and started pecking a trail of kisses all the way down to my heat. A moan escaped my lips as he kissed and sucked on me. “HO-HOLY SHIT!”

To say Zak knew what he was doing would be an understatement. He didn’t stop eating me until I was writhing beneath him. “Z-ZAK!” My back arched and my toes curled up in the most powerful orgasm of my life.

He crawled back up to me, smirking. “Not much of an asshole anymore, am I?”

“Oh shut up,” I brought my lips back to his as I ran my hand up and down his length which like the rest of him was thick and hard. I suddenly felt him move my hand before he reached down and placed himself at my entrance. He kissed me once more before pushing in. “FUCK! How the fuck have you been single this long?”

“Demons tends to be excellent cock blocks,” Zak said as he started to thrust. “Lucky for us, they tend to stay away from you.”

“R-Really?”

He grunted then nodded. Despite his big, tough, persona Zak was actually really sensual and passionate in bed. He kept his thrusts gentle (probably because he knew his above average size could inflict some damage if he wasn’t careful) until I urged him to go faster and harder. After a while he flipped us over so that I was on top. I rode him hard, and Zak, being a gentleman, helped me out by thrusting up into me as I did.

The tension began building up inside me. “Fuck...Zak I-I think I’m gonna…” It hit me like a wave. I tightened around him, arching my back, and damn near screaming his name.

Zak flipped us over again and continued thrusting until he grew sloppy. I suddenly felt him twitch inside me as he cursed and groaned. His body shuttered as he painted my womb with his seed. Finally he collapsed beside me, both of us breathless.

“Wow,” I said.

“I know,” Zak said.

Once my breathing was under control I turned to him. “So...what now?”

He looked over at me.

“I guess we just be together,” he said. “It’s kind of what you do when you’re insanely in love with someone.”

“You’re in love with me?” I asked.

“I’ve always been in love with you,” he smiled. “Ever since we met...I just didn’t want the spirits in my life to hurt you so I decided to keep you away.”

“What changed?”

“Besides that they for some reason stay away from you?” I nodded. “I was tired of letting them get in the way of what I want. I was tired of being away from you.” He draped his arm over my waist. “I love you.” He muttered.

“I love you too,” I said pecking him on his swollen lips.

We spent almost every day together after that. It’s been a year and we are still together. Life was the same for the most part. We still investigated places, while not in bed or spending time with each other. The guys were relieved to see us together (at last) until our PDA became a little too much for them to handle. Oh and there was one other difference as well…

“Y/N BAGANS COME GET YOUR MAN HE’S BEING FUCKING TERRIFYING AGAIN!” Aaron shouted at me through the walkie.

“What happened to having the preggo investigator hang back all night?” I asked rubbing my stomach. Zak made everyone swear not to let me into the buildings with malicious spirits and demons.

“Y/N please,” Aaron begged.

I sighed and looked down. “Aaron Nicholas Bagans for the love of god don’t be a stubborn asshole like your daddy.”

With that I exited the van and went to save the love of my life.

#zak bagans #zak bagans x reader #zak bagans imagine #Smut

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fific7 · 3 years

Text

Dangerous and Divine - Part 11

Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Billy Russo is an itch you don’t want to scratch. But he’s all over you like a rash.

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s mainly fluff & lemon zest 🍋 The GIF is from Exposed, unreleased pilot show in case you’re wondering 😌... Billy vibes.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including oral and unprotected* sex between consenting adults. Some voyeurism. Some drinking & swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My GIF)

Wanting to turn round and get the hell out of there, Madani found herself rooted to the spot. It was like car crash TV... she just couldn’t bring herself to look away. So, she stood there and just watched.

She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, she just stared at the scene in front of her. The room door was at her back and she went along with it involuntarily as it swung closed behind her. Coming to rest against it, she drew in a long breath.

Her eyes were glued to that damn cute ass of Billy’s. Watching it... relentlessly, hypnotically moving up and down, up and down, up and down. Listened to his breathy moans and low grunts as he pounded in and out of her. Uhh, uhh, unnhhh, unnhhh. Caught glimpses of his balls between his legs, snapping backwards with each thrust. A sheen of sweat visible across his shoulders and back. Saw one hand making its way down to where their bodies were joined, his other running gently along her thigh.

Her! she thought venomously. It should be me... he should be on top of me in that bed!

But still she watched. And watched. It was really dim in the room, and she realised the curtains were almost fully closed. She found herself craning her neck forward slightly to get a better look.

She watched as he kept on thrusting, then she noticed the muscles in his ass eventually tense up. Another three or four shorter thrusts, then she heard Billy cry out. Heard him breathe her name, saw him lowering his head to rest on her shoulder for a moment before bringing it up to her face; she just knew he was kissing her now. “I love you,” Madani heard him say, and more kisses followed.

The breath she’d taken in left her lips in a long hiss. This was just so not fucking fair!

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You reached up off the pillows to kiss Billy’s beardy chin above you, but a sudden movement near the door caught your eye. You let out a small shriek as you saw a shadowy figure standing there and Billy leaned back immediately, looking at you anxiously. You pointed towards the door and his head shot round in that direction. A snarl appeared on his lips and he roughly grabbed the bedcovers, quickly pulling them over the two of you. He leaned up on his elbows, looking over his shoulder at the intruder.

“Madani!!!” he yelled, “You... you fuckin’.... Get the fuck outta here!!!”

You heard the door slam, and raised your face from where you’d hidden it against Billy’s chest. You hadn’t been able to make out who it was in the low light. “That was her?” you asked him, and he nodded, throwing back the covers and sitting up against the pillows, running both hands through his wayward hair. “Yeah,” he replied, “yeah, it fuckin’ was. That crazy fucking bitch.”

You also sat up, bringing the sheet across you and under one arm, “What the hell was she doing in your room, Billy?” You were glaring at him, and he quickly put his hand on your cheek, “I have no idea, angel... truly I don’t. Please don’t be thinkin’ this was some kinda hookup, cos it wasn’t! I’m gonna fuckin’ strangle her.... urrrhhhh!!” You could see that he was absolutely furious.

Reassured, you softened your gaze. He carried on, “We’re not due to meet up with her for another half hour. She musta been given a pass key and for whatever reason, came chargin’ in here.”

You ran your fingers up through his hair, sweeping it back from his forehead, “Billy, I swear I’m gonna nail Agent Madani’s ass to the wall when all this is done!”

“You and me both, sweetheart,” Billy said grimly.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy had got up and showered (with you) after that, then he’d unpacked his black tactical suit and got into it. While you were busy admiring how he looked in it - like, really damn sexy - after a long and passionate kiss, he’d left you in the room, telling you to doublelock the door and not to open it for anyone except him.

You’d been made to promise on the lives of everyone you held dear that you’d stay there, until he got back. He didn’t know exactly when that would be, which you had to admit pissed you off a bit but you understood he couldn’t give you a precise time and why. It’s just you didn’t like the thought of being cooped up in the room all day.

Oh well, you had the TV, the movie channels, the mini bar... and room service. Your eyes lit up. Room service!!

Eager to get ordering, you started looking for the menu in the pile of hotel stuff on the funky reclaimed wooden desk, which was underneath a huge ornate mirror. You caught sight of yourself in it as you did so. Ohh... okay, you’d better lose the “I’ve Just Been Fucked Senseless” look before the room service guy arrived, otherwise you might just give him the fright of his life.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Dinah Madani had stumbled out of Billy’s room, letting the door slam behind her. She took off along the corridor at a cracking pace, face flaming red, heading for the fire exit stairs. She smoothed down the fabric of her jacket with her hands, then ran them down onto her trousers, trying to calm her breathing as she went.

She replayed the vision of Billy’s naked body in her mind, of him having sex, blocking out the inconvenient fact that he’d been in bed with someone else.

Damn, she was aroused. She could feel how damp her panties were as she walked. How was she supposed to get the handsome big bastard out of her head now, after seeing that display? In her head, she transposed herself into that bed, underneath him. She could almost feel him inside her.

And every time she looked at him from now on? Yes - she was going to be imagining him naked. And it wouldn’t be to give herself more self-confidence in front of a bunch of people, like they taught you to do in those self-help courses.

As she started making her way down the stairs, she mentally shook herself - she’d better get her head back in the game or this could all go horribly wrong.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy had taken the same route down a couple of floors to the room being used as the base of operations. He was still fuming about Dinah’s little voyeuristic visit to his room. What the fuck was she thinking, coming into his room unannounced? If he hadn’t been otherwise engaged he could’ve shot her! And just how long had she been standing there, watching him make love to his girl?

Weird bitch, he thought, but I’ll settle the score with her once this is all over.

He knocked once on the door, saw an eye appear in the spyhole and then the door opened. Frank and the rest of the Anvil team were already there, along with Madani and her Homeland agents. He glared at Madani but she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Frank winked and grinned at him, fully aware of the ‘operation’ Billy had been on prior to arriving. Wait till he told him about Madani’s latest little stunt!

They got down to business, running through the details of the op and all the ‘what if’s’ and Plan A, Plan B, Plan C scenarios once again. Everyone was given their positions, tasked with certain duties, told to make sure their earpieces were in and working. The two teams started leaving the room and dispersing to their designated locations. The undercover agent remained to get a further briefing from Billy, Frank and Madani, then he too left to go to his room where the meet would take place.

That left the three of them, plus the Homeland agents who’d be monitoring all the comms and security cameras. Billy marched right up to Madani, towering over her and glaring so furiously at her that it was a wonder she didn’t catch on fire. In a very low voice that only the three of them could hear, he bit out, “I’m sayin’ nothing right now about what happened earlier, Dinah - we need to be totally focused on this fuckin’ op - but we’re gonna be having a conversation about it at some point.”

He caught sight of Frank’s puzzled face but just gave him a small shake of the head. “Right,” he said, “c’mon Frankie, let’s go and check the perimeters.”

The two of them left, leaving Madani to pace the room and watch the CCTV screens over the shoulders of her agents. She hadn’t said a word directly to Billy or looked him in the eye during the entire briefing.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy strode along the corridor so quickly that Frank had to really hurry to catch him up. “Hey, Bill! What’s up with you and Madani now?” Billy shook his head, “Dunno that I should talk about it, Frankie, I’m still fuckin’ furious with her, and I really gotta concentrate on all this shit that’s goin’ down today.” They reached the stairs, Billy opening the fire door and they started down the steps.

Frank grabbed his arm and they both stopped walking. “Don’t forget I know you better’n you know yourself, Russo. If you don’t get this off ya chest, you’re gonna explode. And that ain’t what we need right now.”

Billy leaned his back against the wall and sighed, “Yeah, you’re right.” He broke eye contact with Frank, saying, “She’s got a master key for the rooms.” Frank said warily, “Yeah, I know she does... and?”

“Came crashin’ into our room, when I was... we were...” Frank’s eyes got huge, “havin’ sex. Stood there for fuck knows how long watchin’ us, till we finally noticed her after... after we finished, an’ I yelled at her to get out.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Frank said through gritted teeth, “What the fuck’s wrong with that woman?!”

Shaking his head, Billy shrugged, “I dunno, Frank. She’s got issues, that’s for sure.” He turned and started down the stairs again, “C’mon, let’s get this shitshow on the road.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You’d ended up having the most pleasant day to yourself. Leisurely soak in the spa bath, several room service orders (repairs having been carried out before the waiter’s first visit), several little trips to and from the mini-bar for G&T’s. You’d finished the gin now, and had moved on to vodka & coke. Not your favourite but beggars, choosers etc.

You’d been on one of the big movie channels, and so far you were three fantasy films, two rom-coms and a heist movie into their list. In fact you’d started drifting off to sleep as you got towards the end of the heist movie, and made yourself sit up to make sure you didn’t doze off. You gazed back at the massive wall-mounted TV and tried to pick up whereabouts you were in the plot. Oh right - bank robbery.

The bad guys ran into the bank, firing shots into the air and getting everyone to lie down on the floor. But there was that one hero security guard, who drew his gun and tried to shoot the bad guy gang leader. Cue good guy getting shot, up rolls a police armed response unit, cue gun battle, various dead good and bad guys, oh and here’s the car chase as a couple of baddies got away.

Hey hang on, the gun battle’s still going on, but neither the cops or the bad guys are shooting at each other as they’re too busy doing handbrake turns and screeching round corners.

It dawned on you the gunfire you could hear was in your freaking hotel. Leaping up and zipping over to the window, you saw various black SUV’s parked randomly in the middle of the street, blue lights flashing and doors wide open, but apart from crowds of the general public running for cover, there was no-one in sight round the big cars.

You could still hear the rattle of gunfire, and then all of a sudden it went eerily quiet.

Breathing unsteadily, you had a nasty feeling in the pit of your stomach and your hand wavered towards the doorhandle. The temptation to open it was huge. ‘No!’ screeched the sensible part of your brain, ‘for just once in your life.... Do. What. You’re. Told.” Your hand went back to your side. Okay, you win, you told your brain glumly.

You walked back over and sat on the bed, ended the movie - the bad guys were probably either A) going to get away or B) get caught - so you could live without seeing the end of it. Starting to flick through the programme guide, you finally found a news channel, but they had nothing about the hotel or ‘shots fired’.

So you spent the next thirty minutes sitting on the bed for 3 minutes then getting up and pacing, then sitting on the bed again for another 3 minutes, then pacing again... hit the repeat button on that scenario until there was a big knock at the door.

You headed over to the door but didn’t put your eye to the peephole, having seen a film once where someone got shot in the eye that way. Yes, you did watch a lot of movies, what of it! So you just called out, standing to one side, so you wouldn’t get shot through the door either (yes, yes, saw that in the movies too), “Who’s that?!”

Billy’s voice said, “It’s me, sweetheart. Can you let me in? And don’t get upset but I got grazed a coupla times by bullets so I’m bleedin’ quite a bit.”

Don’t get upset? you thought, he’s gotta be joking hasn’t he? You hastily unlocked and pulled open the door, and you saw a very pale-faced Billy leaning on the doorframe, blood on his face and on one of his arms. You could see ripped fabric on the sleeve of his tactical suit where the blood was coming from.

“Oh, Billy,” you said, worried, dragging him into the room and slamming the door closed.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@blackbirddaredevil23 @galaxyjane @omgrachwrites @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead

#ben barnes #billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfiction

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bratkook · 4 years

Text

queen of broken hearts. jjk (m) part three.

“Tell me i’m the worst, make you cry and make you hurt, i’m the queen bow down to me, I will leave you out to bleed.”

part one. part two.

pairing: jungkook x reader genre: angst but theres a happy ending yay word count: 7.4k warnings: nothing crazy this time, just mentions of the explicit polaroid photo, an attempt at infidelity, oc is still a liar who doesn’t deserve anything author’s note: ok i couldn’t not write a third part of this to tie it all up and give you guys the happy ending jk deserves so here it is, i hate this oc and love that all of you hate her too lmaooo

Jungkook glances down at his phone, seeing the text he had just sent. A simple string of letters that spelled ‘i’m outside’, a familiar pattern his fingers had memorized. Except for the first time in a very long time the text wasn’t being sent to you.

The device pings with a response from Taehyung, stating he was on his way down, so he locks it once more and sets it underneath his radio in his car. Jungkook grunts as he catches on to the lyrics ringing in his car and skips the song currently playing, it was one of your favorite songs and once he listened to the lyrics he felt like it was a direct jab at him, especially when you had asked him to download it with that same smile that lead to heartbreak. That didn’t stop him doing as you asked, just because you liked it so much.

The amount of times the song I Feel Bad by Blackbear had played in his car as he left your place had nudged it up the algorithm, making his phone constantly play it when he shuffled all of his songs. He needed to fully delete it from his library.

Jungkook had to admit he was doing pretty good, it was going on 6 weeks and you were still blocked from his instagram. He had even gone as far as making his page private to prevent you from lurking, he doubted you’d go to that extent though, not as desperate to see Jungkook’s life play out without you in it. Surely you had moved on to the next shiny toy.

The only thing he had yet to do was block your number, the small no dignity having part of him hoped that maybe you’d reach out, maybe you’d apologize for anything and everything, maybe you’d wake up and realize how you truly felt for him.

That never happened.

Your thread of messages was bone dry, taunting him in his inbox so much he had to delete it all to stop himself from typing out a message at 3am in sheer desperation. He wouldn’t be reaching out and it was clear you wouldn’t be either.

“Hey man.” Taehyung greets him as he pulls the passenger door open, sliding in with ease and slamming it shut behind him. Jungkook blinks back to reality, giving his friend a small smile as they shake their hands in the playful way they always did.

“Jimin’s not with you?” He wonders, expecting the other boy to have come down with him since they all had plans together.

Taehyung shakes his head as he settles into the seat, adjusting his messy hair in the visor and buckling up just as Jungkook pulls out of the parking spot. “Nah, he’s at his apartment. He told you he’s bringing someone with him right?”

Jungkook frowns at that because no, Jimin hadn’t mentioned bringing anyone along with him and he really hoped it wasn’t a girl. The last thing he wanted was to be subjected to seeing them swap spit when they were meant to be having a guys day. It seemed a little stupid for Jungkook to hope for that but he had grown to appreciate spending more time with his friends lately, once again realizing just how much of his time you had consumed, always ditching the plans he had with his friends to go get his dick wet and his heart shredded.

“It’s some guy that just started working with him.” Taehyung fills in, taking the initiative to be in charge of the music because Jungkook’s current mix was sort of depressing. He frowns as he scrolls through the artists, choosing to type someone in to play music that wasn’t in his library.

When the beginning sounds of a hit Bad Bunny song fill the car Jungkook nearly swerves as he whips his head to stare at Taehyung bobbing along, “Since when the fuck do you know spanish?”

“I don’t, you just gotta vibe along.” He proves his statement by proceeding to horribly sing along in broken spanish, but his energy is contagious, spreading to Jungkook until he was eventually dancing along with him. The two of them making up their own moves on the short drive to Jimin’s and Taehyung can’t help but feel successful at making his friend have a good time. It had been a while since Jungkook behaved like his usual self.

Him and Jimin still didn’t know about you but after he had decided to block you he had fallen into a tiny pit of despair, returning to the shell of himself that they had seen during the weeks you had ghosted him. It took a lot of coaxing before they were able to pull him out, not asking any questions about anything no matter how much their curiosity itched.

They knew their best friend was hurting so they tried their best to do whatever they could to make it better, constantly reaching out to drag him out of his one bedroom apartment, making plans he couldn’t say no to, being the best wing men they could whenever they hit up bars. It had worked though, they had managed to fill up the small you shaped void inside of him enough for him to be able to ignore.

He never really thought of you until he was completely alone, usually when the sky was the darkest and he had trouble sleeping, remembering the countless nights you’d text him to come over when you were also restless. On nights like that he’d force himself to take a sleeping aid, not wanting flashbacks of you underneath him to wear down his strength when he had been doing so well.

So far so good.

“Is this Bad Bunny?” Jimin instantly asks when he enters the car, having already been waiting outside of his complex with his friend beside him.

“Yeah!” Taehyung laughs, turning the volume up slightly.

Jimin just shakes his head as he slides over in his seat, giving Jungkook a similar greeting before his friend follows suit. He’s a silver haired guy with sharp eyes, a small smile being sent Jungkook’s way as Jimin introduces him. “Oh, this is Yoongi, he just became Jamba Juice’s newest bitch.”

Taehyung shoots him a sympathetic look, he had worked along side Jimin a few months ago before quitting in a fit of rage so he knew how unpleasant the job was. “My condolences.”

Yoongi just chuckles, nodding in acceptance, not attempting to deny that the job was hell on earth but it paid alright so he’d just suck it up. “Jimin never shuts up about the two of you at work.”

Jungkook laughs at that as he starts to drive once more, wondering just what Jimin said about them while on the clock, they had all been friends for years so he really had an infinite amount of stories to bring up.

Whatever he had said about them must have been good enough because Yoongi fits right in, balancing out Taehyung’s crude sense of humor with his own, being made aware of some of the inside jokes they all had together and continuing them with ease.

Jungkook begins thinking that he wouldn’t mind Yoongi becoming a part of their group, he had a pretty easy going personality and didn’t protest when Taehyung ended up dragging all of them to some random flea market near by.

Unfortunately it all slowly starts to crumble on the drive towards the restaurant Jimin wanted to try.

“Hey Jungkook, do you have a phone charger?” Jimin asks from the back seat, glaring at the dwindling percentage on his phone due to him now being in charge of the music selection because Taehyung was adamant on playing reggaeton and they were all sick of it.

Jungkook hums in confirmation, too busy staring at his own phone screen for the directions to notice that Jimin was already opening up his center console to grab the cord that he knew was always there.

The photo that greets him as he opens it up definitely isn’t always there though, the shiny polaroid of you looking directly into the lens stares right at Jimin and he immediately recognizes you as the girl from the diner.

“Woah, this is dirty Kook.” He laughs out, trying his best to avert his eyes from the salacious photo and pull out the charger he was originally searching for.

“What?” Taehyung asks, peeking over and gasping obnoxiously when he spots the photo too. He’s not as caring as Jimin is, grabbing the photo from the edges and bringing it up close and personal to his face for a better view.

“Who the fuck is this?” He asks as he stares at the picture with a goofy smile on his face. He tilts the polaroid side to side to look through the glare the sun provides but the raunchy act caught on film is clear as day. Jungkook carries a photo of some girl sucking his dick in his car, what a perv.

Jungkook finally looks up and when he sees the polaroid in Taehyung’s hand he feels his heart drop, reaching across and trying to snatch it but he falls short. Taehyung scoots further in his seat, holding the photo higher up and screaming when the car swerves as Jungkook lurches across his seat and tries to reach for it once more.

“It’s just some girl.” Jungkook grunts as he steadies the car again, his face burning hot as he hears Jimin laughing along in the backseat. Leave it to his friends to act like they’ve never seen more explicit photos, parading it around like it’s the first x-rated polaroid they’ve ever seen as if they didn’t have a collection of ridiculous porn bookmarked onto their phones.

The way Taehyung’s currently holding the photo up gives Yoongi a clear view of it and as his eyes lock onto yours he tilts his head slightly. What was Jungkook doing with a photo of you, covered in cum with his dick in your mouth.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Jimin teases, placing his hands on his shoulders and laughing louder when Jungkook finally snatches the photo from his friends grasp, swatting the side of his head for good measure before stuffing it back into the center console and slamming it shut.

“No, she’s mine.” Yoongi finally speaks up, leaning back into his seat and staring at the back of Jungkook’s head as he drove. A small smile is on his face as he crosses his arms over his chest, the entire car falling into a dead silence, no one wanting to break it until they knew how serious this was.

Taehyung is half expecting this to become a world star beat down whereas Jimin can’t tell if he’s joking or not, his eyes bouncing back and forth between Yoongi and Jungkook. He sort of wishes he had never asked for a charger now.

Jungkook can’t get himself to say anything, his fingers gripping his steering wheel tighter as his mind starts to spin, desperately waiting for the joking laughter to ensue but it never comes.

Could he really be your boyfriend? Had you been with Yoongi even when you were going on dates with Namjoon or was Yoongi new. Then came the twist of the knife when he realizes that if Yoongi was new, filling in Jungkook’s shoes now that he was gone, you had seen him in a better light than you’d ever see Jungkook in, making him your boyfriend in a few weeks when Jungkook’s known you for years.

“Why do you have a photo of Y/N giving you head?” Yoongi asks, a little caught off guard by the situation. The two of you weren’t officially dating yet but considering he had met your family it felt a little unnerving to see a photo of you like that with someone that wasn’t him.

He’s not upset at Jungkook, he can see how flustered he is, but he needed some form of explanation before he filed you under cheater in his mind.

“It’s an old photo.” Jungkook can barely get out, wanting to shrivel up at the awkward tension filling up the car.

“How old?”

“Over a month ago.” That admittedly wasn’t that old and it doesn’t do much to settle Yoongi’s uncertainty but he decides not to push it, the only person who needed to explain was you.

“I can toss the photo if you want me to.” Jungkook suggests, he had forgotten about the photo after he stuffed it into the center console when he left your house and although he would like to keep it, now that the cat was out of the bag and your new boy of interest had seen it, he felt a little wrong holding on to it. What were the fucking odds.

Yoongi shakes his head, it was a photo taken from your camera and you obviously knew it was being taken, if Jungkook wanted to keep it for whatever weird reason that was his call, for all he knew Jungkook was one of your exes.

“Just maybe don’t keep it in your car man.” Yoongi suggests, his fingers itching by his side with the want to text you for an explanation but he knows he needs to play his cards right to get an actual answer from you.

Jungkook takes Yoongi’s suggestion as a demand, the second he gets back home after they finished hanging out he pockets the photo once more and decides to shove the photo deep into his underwear drawer. Hopefully it’s something he’ll forget about and stumble upon in a few years and not feel the same gutted emotions he does now.

Jungkook knows he’s only hurting himself further by allowing a fragile string to continue to tie the two of you together but its the small tinge of hope that maybe one day he’d feel a tug from the string in your direction that prevents him from snipping it.

As he lays in bed he feels a similar dark shadow start to fall over him, reminiscent to the one that had nearly swallowed him whole weeks ago. The only plus side to this was that he now knew that you had moved on, something that should help him think straight, not let his memories get warped until you’re seen as this sweet angel that never did him any wrong.

The other plus side was that he didn’t get his ass beat by Yoongi, the boy had swept it under the rug and went about the rest of the day as if nothing had happened. He was unaware that Yoongi was at your place now with Jungkook being the topic of discussion.

Yoongi was currently trying his best to not burn a hole in your floor as he paced back and forth on your carpet with you staring at him looking as comfortable as ever on your bed. How you looked like that when he had just interrogated you on your relationship with the other boy was beyond him.

He wasn’t even sure if you were lying to him or not, your answers seemed too practiced to be truthful, too thought out for him to fully believe. The second he had brought Jungkook up it was like your brain went into autopilot and the perfect answers he was looking for just spilled out.

But somewhere along the line you said something that rubbed him the wrong way, a phrase that made him double take when you implied that Jungkook meant absolutely nothing to you, how it was all fun and games and Yoongi didn’t buy that for a second. The defeated look on Jungkook’s face throughout the rest of the day showed Yoongi how he felt and it sure as hell didn’t look like absolutely nothing.

Even if you and Jungkook weren’t serious, the way you were speaking about him, with no sympathy or regard to how he felt it made Yoongi a little uncomfortable. Had you said that Jungkook was horrible, treated you like garbage or anything that warranted this sort of reaction he could understand but you just seemed so emotionless.

“You don’t care about him?” Theres been an evil glint in your eye ever since Yoongi mentioned Jungkook, the slight anger you felt at him treating you how you treated him resurfacing at his name. You don’t even know why he’s asking you this, did he want you to say you didn’t care about him to boost his own ego or did he want you to say you did to see if your feelings lied deeper?

“Why should I?” Your tone is cold and Yoongi is a little caught off guard at how quickly you’re able to turn off the bubbly personality he had been drawn to in the beginning.

“I mean considering you let him photograph you sucking his dick I’m not really buying this whole facade you have going on right now.”

A small laugh fills the room and Yoongi can only stare at you, briefly wondering if this was some sort of joke because the way you’re acting now is the polar opposite to the you he’s known for the past month. You just found the situation laughable, you always covered your tracks, careful enough to not trip over your own lies but your edge must be wearing off.

“There’s no facade.” You reply calmly, hoping the soft look in your eyes is convincing enough for him but it’s not. Yoongi knows he must be on to something, the minute he brought Jungkook up he saw the way your demeanor changed and now he wasn’t sure if you were just down right heartless or playing it off.

“You honestly don’t have any empathy for other people do you?” He shoots out, looking directly at you and seeing the way your eyes lose their sweetness, narrowing in size as you try your best not to glare at him but he can see right through it. He can tell he’s digging a little too close to uncharted territory but he was sick of the mystery that was you, never knowing where anything stood because you were too selfish to think of other people’s emotions due to your actions.

“Is that really what you’re focused on.”

“Yeah, a little.” He scoffs in disbelief, “I don’t really want to find out my girlfriend’s a fucking sociopath years down the line.”

You laugh again at that, leaning back on your arms as you sit on your bed, “Girlfriend?” The look you give him makes him stumble over his words for the first time, realizing that you hadn’t ever put a label on what you were and now feeling a little embarrassed by your condescending tone.

You honestly don’t even know why you react the way you do, you actually liked Yoongi, could see this becoming something serious, but the way he was exposing your faults, making you see the parts of you that desperately needed work, it rubbed you the wrong way so you needed to knock him down a few pegs. A classic self sabotaging move you always did, not being able to bite down the hurtful words you knew you’d throw his way.

“You think I’m your girlfriend?” You ask, only rubbing salt onto the slowly opening wound and he almost winces but he can see that this is your defense mechanism so he doesn’t let it burn as much as he knows it should.

“Is that what you’re gonna turn this into?” He counters, a displeased look on his face, “Trying to hurt my feelings because I’m asking you pretty justified questions is a low blow Y/N.”

That shuts you up, the next batch of spiteful words you were ready to shoot his way dissolving on your tongue when you see the way he looks at you. You’d expect him to be angry, visibly upset at what you had said but instead he just looks tired.

“Look, I obviously struck a nerve bringing him up because this–“ he motions to you, making you realize how tense your body had become, “isn’t the you I know, so whenever you decide to put your fangs away and talk about your buried emotions let me know.”

You don’t even know how to respond to the way he shut you down with ease, your eyes only showing more of your confusion when he steps forward and kisses the top of your head, “Goodnight.” Is all he says before turning around to leave your room and apartment altogether.

“Goodnight.” You weakly mumble out as he shuts the door behind him, completely throwing you off the course of events you were sure were about to transpire.

The anger you felt inside slowly starts to fizzle out until all you feel is sick, a pit of disgust brewing inside of you at the way you had behaved. Not just with him but with Jungkook.

This had become a regular feeling for you ever since Jungkook decided to throw you aside, being the main reason you had decided to hold on to Yoongi when you had met him by chance, needing something to distract you so the guilt you felt wouldn’t drive you into doing something you knew you’d regret.

The amount of times you wanted to reach out to him during these last few weeks was concerning for you, never really realizing just how much you relied on him when you needed to get out of your head. The slow clarity that he had always been quick to come to you and offer help in any way he could while you always shut him down, diverting questions when he’d ask what was wrong because you were scared of him getting too close, all it had done was burn him.

You had left him scarred and wounded as he laid on his bed, contemplating smothering himself with his pillow as he regretted his life choices that landed him in this situation. It’s the selfish side of you that has you opening up your phone and calling his number without a second thought, you keep it on speaker and toss it on the bed, half expecting it to go directly to voicemail since you were sure he had blocked your number too, but it continues to ring.

Jungkook nearly bolts up in shock when the phone by his head starts to vibrate and light up, his squinting eyes staring at the screen and freezing when he sees your name displayed on it. He feels like he stops breathing as his phone buzzes on his comforter, it was now clear that Yoongi had in fact brought him up to you and he was pretty sure if he answered the phone it would not go in his favor.

He lets it ring until it eventually goes to voicemail, his phone dimming down once more and he finally relaxes. It only lasts a brief moment, his phone buzzing once more with a text this time and he doesn’t want to open it.

Instead he grabs the device and stuffs it in between his mattress and box spring, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath before sliding back into bed and forcing himself to sleep.

It doesn’t come easy for either of you, he’s constantly tossing and turning on his bed, having to shove his hands under his butt to get them to stop creeping toward the side his phone was tucked under. You on the other hand are constantly checking your phone when you wake up every few minutes, phantom rings pulling you from your slumber and hoping Jungkook responded to your text but every time you blindly stare at the brightness of your screen you’re met with nothing, not even the read display that usually appeared.

It’s not until the sun peaks over the horizon, the soft orange illuminating the inside of Jungkook’s room and waking him up, that he feels his resolve cracking. He tries to blame it on his half asleep state, not being awake enough to know right from wrong but he’s way too aware of the way his fingers move and latch on to his device as he pulls it from its hiding spot.

It takes him a moment to build up the courage to open up your message, half expecting a massive paragraph with you telling him off for whatever reason but the only thing that greets him is a short ‘can we talk please’.

He’s not sure what makes him wary, the fact that you want to talk or you using the word please. Jungkook’s fingers hover over the keyboard, not sure if he should even respond to you. This was what he wanted though isn’t it? The main reason he had decided not to block your number, hoping you’d reach out and explain yourself. But now that you had done the first half he wasn’t sure he wanted to see it through.

Still, his fingers take over and type out a quick response.

jungkook 7:49am : talk about what

The buzzing wakes you up instantly, your phone clutched to your chest in the same position you had fallen asleep in with the hope that he’d respond.

It’s a little surprising to see that he doesn’t immediately agree like he normally does, dropping whatever he was doing to come to your place like he used to but you guess it was called for.

y/n 7:50am : i just want to clear the air

y/n 7:50am : do you wanna have breakfast?

He hates that he feels the tiniest spark of excitement inside of him at you asking him out for breakfast, something he had been wanting forever, but his fingers shake too much as he holds the device, his body reminding him of the withdraws he had already gone through once before. He couldn’t do this again.

jungkook 7:54am : i don’t think thats a good idea

You can only stare at your screen, not knowing how to respond to his message. It was your own selfish desire to fix things, to help ease the guilt off your chest, that made you want to persuade him to do what you asked but when your phone vibrates a second time you know his mind is set and it’s best to leave it alone.

jungkook 7:57am : please don’t message me again, it’s better this way.

You once again feel the familiar twist in your chest, more so when you respond with a simple okay and your bubble turns green before a notification pops up stating the message could no longer be delivered. Jungkook had been the one to weld the chest shut this time, blocking your number to finalize it before locking his phone once more and begging himself to go about his day as if the curiosity of what you wanted to tell him wasn’t eating him alive.

“Jungkook you need oyster sauce and soy sauce, they’re not interchangeable!” Jimin scolds when Jungkook places the oyster sauce back onto the self, his hand once again swiping it off and placing it into the basket he was currently holding.

“Damn sorry, I told you I don’t know what I’m doing.” Jungkook groans, giving his friend a pout that goes ignored because he’s too focused on running through the list he had on his phone to ensure nothing was forgotten.

Jimin was in charge of helping Jungkook out today on his date, it was Valentines day and Jungkook had been dating his girlfriend for a few months now and wanted to make this date a little more special than just eating out. However, he wasn’t blessed with culinary skills so Jimin would be helping him out throughout it all and making a swift exit before his girlfriend would arrive for dinner.

Jungkook wanders off when he notices Jimin is still hyper focused on the array of sauces lined up in this aisle, ending up in the makeshift Valentines day aisle set up, the plush toys in pink and red all holding candies with cute sayings sewn on to the heart on their chests. It seemed too easy to just pick one up and settle with that so he gives himself a mission to do while Jimin finishes up the essentials.

He roams the entire store, grabbing a lavender wired bucket with enough of his girlfriend’s favorite candies to fill the bottom of it, along with that comes an elephant plushie that happened to be her favorite animal. Jungkook had spotted a bouquet of sunflowers by the front of the store so he makes his way in that direction once more, passing by Jimin who was looking for him but continuing on in his trek.

Just as he grabs the bouquet he wanted he hears his name being called and for a moment he thinks he imagined it, not being able to place the voice it belonged to but when it repeats itself much closer he turns around.

Jungkook is even more caught off guard when he spots your brother, looking nothing like the shy and awkward 13 year old he was back then. He hadn’t seen him since he stopped tutoring him nearly four years ago but he recognized the eyes that he shared with you.

“Jihoon?” He questions, smiling when the younger boy nods. He had always looked up to Jungkook, practically idolized him when he was tutoring him, wanting to be him in every aspect. Jungkook had been everything a nerdy 13 year old boy would want to be, adopting a similar clothing style to him that had managed to still stick around with age.

“I saw you and just had to come say hey.” Jihoon says, pulling him in for a typical bro hug.

Jimin huffs as he reaches Jungkook, having chased him down the aisles and finally catching up to him. He gives the younger boy a wave, a little confused as to who he is but when he hears your voice and spots you, it all clicks in his mind.

“Jihoon c’mon, we need to grab what dad wants!” You shout from the end of the aisle, not wanting to approach Jungkook to save yourself the embarrassment. You were still completely blocked off of everything, no form of communication happening between the two of you since that night. The town you lived in was small so it was kind of inevitable that you’d run in to him eventually but having it be today of all days, with him holding up Valentine’s day items just made it all a little more sour.

He looks up at the sound of your voice and gives you a faint smile because thats just who he is, it doesn’t pain him to look at you now though, the small void you had left inside of him nearly patched all the way up with time and distance.

“I know, but look who it is.” Your brother announces, completely unaware that you and Jungkook had very much stayed in contact after he finished tutoring him. You knew who it was, you were very familiar with Jungkook’s face and could probably spot the back of his head in a crowd.

“Hi Jungkook.” You muster out, slowly making your way down the aisle towards them because you knew your brother wouldn’t back off unless you came over and greeted his old tutor.

“How are things with Yoongi?” Jimin speaks up, a knife slicing through the tension and a knowing look on his face as he stares you down. He knew that you and Yoongi were no longer together, having to be the ear Yoongi vented to with all of your problems while at work and while hanging out, knowing that Yoongi had tried his best to make it work but you had been too stubborn, too stuck in your ways to even budge. Jimin knew enough about you now to be able to connect the dots to the way Jungkook had been so torn months prior. You were a bitch and he didn’t like you.

“Oh, we broke up.” You utter out, an odd look on your face because you had no idea who Jimin was or how he knew both Yoongi and Jungkook but you figure thats irrelevant now, staring back at Jungkook and seeing a neutral expression on his face.

Jihoon, not being able to read the room, asks Jungkook if hes buying groceries for a Valentines date tonight and Jungkook shyly confirms it, teasingly asking Jihoon if he had a date tonight as well. “Nah, haven’t hooked anyone onto me yet. Y/N and I are just helping our dad make something for our mom tonight.”

“Yeah speaking of that, we need to get going Jihoon.” You hope your brother can sense your tone, your fingers tempted to grab onto his hair and yank him away, needing him to move along and let you get as far from Jungkook as possible. That sinking feeling in your stomach had returned, only worsening when you realized how good he was doing, how unaffected he was at seeing you.

“Right, anyways, have a nice night with your girlfriend.” He sings with a playful wave as he retreats from the aisle to go back to shopping. You linger a little at the end of the aisle and stare at him for a moment longer, a small wave being sent his way that he reciprocates with a smile.

“Isn’t she polaroid girl?” Jimin grunts out as he readjusts the basket he was holding, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” Jungkook mumbles out, continuing to stare at the end of the aisle where you had disappeared, the polaroid being a distant memory in his mind after he had burned it.

“Babe,” Jungkook laughs into the receiver of his phone, resting against the cool exterior of the bar all of his friends were in, “I promise there wont be a repeat of last time.”

“That laugh means trouble Jungkook,” Sooyoung giggles back, already mentally preparing to baby Jungkook back to health when he undoubtably arrives home absolutely hammered, “If I have to hold your hand while you barf up everything and refuse water again I’m filing for divorce!”

Jungkook gasps dramatically, his hand placed over his heart as he hears the way his wife snickers, “Less than a month after and you’re already calling it quits?”

Sooyoung just hums along, sat on the couch of their house and flicking through the channels to find something to watch while their dog laid snuggled up by her feet, “Thats just how to cookie crumbles, unless,” she pauses, mentally picturing the way Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he waits, “you hold my hand while I barf next week when I go out with the girls.”

“You run a tough bargain, but I’ll even hold your hair back hows that?”

“Sounds perfect, be safe Kookie. I love you.” She smiles as the words leave her mouth, the fluttering affect he had on her never fading even after all this time.

“Always, I love you too.” He blushes as he makes a kissy noise, smiling wide when he hears one back before ending the call and and makes his way back inside, instantly spotting his friends gathered around the booth they had managed to snag.

When he makes his way over to them he slides in beside Taehyung, squishing him and Hobi into the booth and hearing them groan in protest.

“Are you done confessing your profound love for Sooyoung?” Jimin teases before throwing back a shot of vodka, he was already very loosened up, this being the second bar they visited due to celebrating Jimin’s wedding in a week.

“Shut up, as if I didn’t catch you literally on the verge of tears in the bathroom as you talked to Daehyun earlier.” Jungkook smiles when Jimin zips his mouth and locks it with an imaginary key, not denying any but of information Jungkook just spilled out. The rest of his friends howl in laughter at the secret, riling him up further and Jungkook decides his job here is done, getting up to order another drink and another round of shots for everyone else.

He leans over the counter and grabs the bar tenders attention with a soft wave of his hand, “Can I get a whiskey sour and another round of shots of tequila.” The woman nods, already having his card on a tab and begins making the drinks for him.

Jungkook settles into one of the stools there, getting comfortable as he waits, not yet sensing the eyes currently staring a hole through his temple from a few seats away.

You had spotted Jungkook walking in with his friends earlier, watching him step out for a phone call before coming back in again. He looked a little different from the last time you saw him, his hair a little longer now with a slight wave to it as it reached his cheekbones. The last time you had seen him was in passing at the same grocery store a few months ago, you had managed to duck into an aisle before he spotted you, being none the wiser that you were hiding from him.

Jungkook starts to feel the burning from his side of someone staring, slowly turning his head until his eyes meet your stunned ones. You expect him to look away, pretend he doesn’t know you and try to hide like you always do but instead he smiles at you, waving you over like you were an old friend of his.

It takes a few moments of building up courage before you get up from your spot and move across the three stools that separated you two with your drink in your hand.

“Hey, how have you been?” He asks with a soft grin, thanking the bar tender as she places his drink and the line of shots in front of him.

“I’ve been alright, Jihoon just moved out of state for work so my parents have been extra needy without someone to baby.” You force a smile back at him, your finger tracing the rim of your glass as you beg the awkwardness to leave, not used to having the underhand in situations like this.

“He’s gonna do great things I’m sure.” Jungkook sighs, taking a sip of his drink and humming at the taste. Looking at him now was like looking at an entirely different person, sure he had the same face but the way he carried himself was a stark contrast to the Jungkook you were accustomed to from three years ago, no longer second guessing himself, instead speaking with an aura of confidence and ease surrounding him.

“You know he never shut up about you once you stopped tutoring him?” You laugh, seeing the smile spreading on Jungkook’s face, “I remember that one time he begged my parents to buy him that one yellow jacket you own, he had to get straight A’s all semester before they got it for him and he never took it off.”

A genuine smile spreads across your lips as you reminisce on the times before, how you had taken them for granted and now seemed to grasp at anything that reminded you of it.

“We had something good going before, I’m sorry for ruining it.”

That catches Jungkook off guard, setting his drink down with a soft thud as he looks over at you fully, “I guess that depends what you consider good.” He jokes, proud that he can make light of a situation that used to leave him feeling wounded.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” You cringe, not yet having the luxury of the past not affecting you. He watches on as you take a big gulp of your drink, wiping the excess that drips down your lip with your fingers.

“Don’t be, it’s water under the bridge.” He reassures you, reaching across the small gap between you two and placing his hand over yours when he notices the small trembles of nerves making them shake.

Your hand turns in his grasp, your fingers wrapping around his large ones in a search for comfort. The intentions you originally had when you first spot him leave you as your thumb traces the black band around his ring finger, a clear sign that he was off the market for good, making the words spoil in your mouth as you hold them back.

“Oh, when did this happen?” You ask softly, letting his hand go as he brings it up to spread his fingers out with a proud look on his face.

“About a month ago, I managed to trick someone into marrying me.” He jokes, a glimmer in his eyes as he recalls the day of his wedding, the happiness swelling his heart when he thinks of coming home to Sooyoung after the night is over.

“You never needed to trick someone into marrying you Kookie.” The sound of his nickname doesn’t feel right coming out of your mouth now, like nails to a chalkboard, no longer making his stomach flutter the way it used to.

“It felt like I did.” He admits with a shrug, remembering the years of him pining over you, making a fool of himself for the off chance that’d you one day see him for what he was worth. But like he said, it was all water under the bridge and seeing you here was a welcomed surprise to him now.

You want to say more to him but your tongue gets tied up, no longer having the list of phrases you were going to use when you spotted him. Jungkook catches on to the discomfort growing within you so he downs the rest of his drink to free his hands to be able to carry the shots to his thirsty friends.

“It was good seeing you.” His eyes are sincere as he stares at you for the last time, “I’ll see you around.” You know thats the truth, no doubt would you two run in to each other once more but you know this will be the closest interaction you’ll have. He still had you blocked on everything even years later, not knowing a single piece of information on you and leaving you in the dark about his. But this was just the way things were meant to be.

“Yeah, good seeing you too Jungkook.” You whisper out, watching him as he grasps the shot glasses and makes his way back to his friends, hollers and cheers filling up the bar at the sight of alcohol.

Jungkook slips back into his seat, passing the glasses around to everyone and raising them up to cheer for the end Jimin as an unmarried man. As he throws back the shot, nearly having it come out through his nose when he laughs as he sees the disgusted look Taehyung makes at the taste, he can’t stop himself from looking back in your direction.

You’re still sat on the stool, finishing up the rest of your drink and signing off your tab with a grin on your face. He eyes you curiously when you put your card away, your fingers sorting through your bag before pulling out a shiny diamond ring and slipping it back onto your ring finger.

He can’t help but feel a little disappointed at his realization, having almost fallen into the same web of lies you had intricately set up for him. Staring at him and knowing he’d catch you in the act, hoping to rope him in to bed one last time but the black band on his finger had been what broke the spell, making that same pit of disgust brew inside you and fill you with guilt at what you almost did.

As you walk out, eyes landing on Jungkook’s and noticing that he had spotted your own wedding band you give him that same shamless smile he had burned into his memory before slipping out of the bar altogether, returning home to your husband who would be none the wiser.

Jungkook just shakes his head as he reaches for another shot in the center of the table and throws it back, joining in with the laughter of his friends. Taehyung jostles him around as he recalls a story from the last time they were here but Jungkook’s mind is still focused on you.

Old habits died hard and it seemed like you never had any intention of changing. You may have left him shredded in a thousand parts but he took pride in being able to say that he put himself back together on his own, and when his phone lights up with a goofy selfie of his wife and their dog he realizes he had dodged a bullet, no longer hating the string of events that lead him to where he was now.

#ficswithluv #goldenclosetnet #btswritingcafe #btsghostie #yoonkooknetwork #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jeon jungkook #jungkook scenarios #new

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calypsoff2 · 2 years

Text

Eighty Seven. Part 2

Staring at Chris, I am at a loss. I gave him something and he took an inch, like can he really be trusted with females. Will there be another situation, he can’t keep his flirty little self to himself and then for him to take off his ring, was he looking to cheat and have sex, what made him snap to stop her kissing him, what was it. I’m going to drive myself crazy just thinking and searching for answers, I can’t even right now “maybe it’s my up-commence, I took you away from Seiko and she was crazy for you, and she would have put up with your shit. You lose them how you get them isn’t it, maybe that was my fault. I had sex with you that very time and you was in a relationship, god don’t like ugly. And I was being dumb because you came back in my life” I laughed to myself “I didn’t care for her” he said, “you don’t care for much” I retorted “I do my kids” he said back without even a second thought, he just said it and he meant it “and me?” I asked “you know what you mean to me, I’ve always told you. But you are so power hungry, and whatever happens and is said the script will be flipped to poor Rihanna. Like that airport shit that went off, making me look like the bad guy when I didn’t even cheat, it’s just crazy. And for you to let your team use the kids and let them walk, this is why it’s your fault Rylee came at me” he is unbelievable “I’m just a bitch really; you fucked up and now it’s my fault!? How does that work out, you fucked up and now it’s me!? Your kids heard what a piece of shit you are and it’s my fault? Why do I have to be the better person, telling Rylee your shit father isn’t bad, when you’re basically saying how horrible I am” is he real “they know you left them to me” and he brings it back to me, he brings that I left them when it wasn’t for nothing “why can’t you just stop” he’s making me break instead, I am ready to cry “why can’t you just be sincere and care?” He’s shut off, placing my head in my hands “you just making everything so hard” I didn’t want to cry but I am, he’s made me cry. He’s broke me, I can’t do this like he is doing it “don’t cry, I am sorry for what I said to Nury. She is a none factor in my life, look. You wanted me to have a career, I was good being at home, I had artists but you pushed for it. You wanted me to do this” it’s like my tears dried up, looking at him “I want a divorce” tears I shed on my face still, but I’ve said it now, Chris froze and then he laughed “I can’t do this, I can’t do you putting this on me. I deserve better and if this was my daughter I would tell her to get rid of you, you may not physically do it but you mentally do it and I feel sorry for any other woman you be with, I pray for them. If this you loving me then I don’t want it” getting up from the couch, Chris also got up “you know me Robyn, don’t be like that with me. Like the rest” I need a moment away from him, walking off and away from him. Feeling his arms wrap around me, turning to him “get off me! I don’t want you” hitting his chest “stay the fuck away from me, I’m done. It’s done, we are done” punching his chest and he did let me go, that punch was hard. I am heaving right now “you’re not the man I married” I pointed walking off.

I am shaking right now; I need pull myself together because at the end of the day my kids will be coming home. I’ve been in the bedroom for an hour now, Chris hasn’t come to say anything which I’m glad about, but I need to pull myself together, I need to speak to Chris properly. I am mad I cried, I let him get to me, I feel so stupid now. Making my way down the steps, I need to just pull it together before the kids do come home. Seeing Chris sat at the bottom of the steps, I stopped walking and he looked up, he got up from the step “you can’t divorce me Robyn, please don’t do that. We can make it through this” walking down the rest of the steps “I want us to have a break, separation. Whatever, I don’t want us. I don’t want you; I don’t want this man. He can’t even be sorry, you’re losing me, and you’re stood there with no emotions, do you think I am joking? Is that what it is” he rubbed his hands together “I don’t, but you just being irrational, I think maybe we need to think on it, this is a big decision. You understand what you are doing? Breaking up a family? Like we can be good again” he loves blaming me “no, I think the kids need to know that their dad isn’t a good person, and he broke their family up. Not me, like you are trying to do now. I want away from you, you either stay and I go, or you go, and I stay with the kids? Either way I am taking the kids” Chris laughed “you not taking my kids” now he’s alive “don’t make this harder on the kids, you can see them. Just scheduled, my lawyer will draw up a contract. I am being serious Chris; I want you away from me. I don’t know what you don’t get” he is just stood there thinking it’s a joke, am I a joke to him “please don’t do this” staring at him “oh I am, I just want away from you, we need space. And yeah, if you want Nury then have her but I’m not doing this anymore Chris. I’m not doing it anymore” my voice broke “it’s over between us, I’m putting me first. I can’t do this; I can’t go through this circus. I don’t want it anymore!!!” I shouted “I’ve lost baby after baby, I’ve had to hear you talk shit to me, talk down to me, talk about me leaving this fucking family like I fucking wanted too, I did it because I can fucking live like this now! You unappreciative asshole, you laughed at me to some random woman, the person you love you say, well thank you Chris, I am done. My love for you, my fucking love for you made me want you” I shouted at him pointing “I need a blunt” he walked off, he can have as many blunts but I’m over him and his shit.

This is really dragging on; I need to just focus. I need him out of this house, I just need it done, finished gone “I don’t want you to leave me, I don’t want divorce, it’s literally the easy way out. Robyn I can change, I just don’t think. You know me Robyn, you do; you know you do Robyn; you know me so well. Please don’t do this, I just need some time to get myself together but doing this? The kids? Don’t do this to them” he pleaded “me?” I said confused “me, I did it. Please, just don’t do this” he leaned against the kitchen counter “you think you can act the way you do and we just kiss and make up, look me in my eyes Chris and listen to what I am saying” Chris should have backed down a long time ago and now he’s quivering “I don’t want this marriage anymore, the quicker you accept this the better the process will be, I don’t want you” Chris put his head down “oh my god, Robyn. Please, just think about this, no. This can’t happen, just give me time. I will fix it all, please don’t do this” shaking my head “the easier you make it, the better” he is panicking “not even give me time to fix it, I’ll fucking kill the bitch for you!” Shaking my head in silence “I want to go back to Barbados as quickly as I can, so I can spend time with my dad. When I can mentally and physically can, I will draw up papers. I won’t be a bitch, you better get a good home too for the kids to stay, and no woman ever goes near them. This isn’t even a joke, it’s down to you if you want to put your hands up and tell your kids what you did because I won’t” walking off, Chris looks like this is not real “and pack your shit too! I don’t want it or this fucking picture” I said seeing the wedding picture of Chris and I in the hallway, yanking it off from the wall “yes I love myself or was I fucking proud of being a wife!” I dropped it on the floor, I don’t want to know anymore.

I just wanted Chris to apologise, I wanted him to just be real for once in his life but instead he flipped the script, making me the bad one. Saying I am destroying the marriage, I am making it bad for the kids. I am so fucking angry right now, hurt too “Robyn” I groaned out, turning myself a little on the bed “please don’t do this, I am begging you let me just fix this. Give me time to be a better man, please don’t divorce me” now he knows I mean it “I am, can you just please pack your shit, I am done. Either you pack it or I pack mine and I go with the kids” I said not even looking at him “I get it, I am sorry. I get it I fucked up, I get that I did and said stupid shit, Nury meant nothing to me. I swear, she isn’t worth my marriage. I am stupid, please don’t leave please Robyn, I am honestly being real right now, I can’t be without you, and you know that! I will jump out of the window” rolling my eyes “then do it” what does he want me to do with that, he thinks I care if he jumps out of the window, then he is more selfish then I thought. I gasped as Chris got on his knees wrapping his arms around my torso, placing his head on my lap “get off!” I spat pushing at his head “please don’t do this, please. I am sorry, I am so sorry, I am begging you, I am begging you Robyn please” he started sobbing out “please don’t do this, no” he wailed out “get off me” my voice broke, turning my head and crying myself “I am sorry twin, I don’t want anyone else. I swear I can do better for you, please don’t” feeling my thigh become wet because of him.

Wiping just under my nose, he hasn’t even moved, and I want him to move “move Chris” I said to him again “please, please, please Robyn. Don’t leave me” he lifted his head up “do not divorce me please, I beg you don’t take the kids from me. I know what you can do, just please give me time I can fix all this shit don’t divorce me like that, please” he pleaded with me “I want you to let me go” Chris sobbed out and face planted right in my crotch “I didn’t want this, I really didn’t please” he slowly moved off of me, he got up from his position. He is really crying out “you know I can’t be without you; you know it Robyn” he said “then why do it! You think I was just going to take it?” I said to him “I don’t know” he wailed out, hearing the house doorbell go off “I think the kids are back you need to fix yourself” getting up from the bed, it hurts me to see him like this. I don’t want that for him but what does he want me to do, he doesn’t learn. Constantly making mistake and then thinks I am going to stay for him, walking down the steps to answer the door. I think it’s them anyways, got to be to get to the door. Unlocking the door “oh wow, who told you kids could come back” Jen looked at me all wide eyed “do I look bad” I said “mhmm a little, not as bad” the kids pushed the door open and walked in “and how was my handsome, is he eating his feet still” Junior is chewing on them toes of his “what happened here mom?” turning around “oh the picture fell” I said “fell?” Jen repeated “yep, it’s ok I will fix it” I said to them “whatever is happening is between us, I will tell what is needed Jen” I am not getting nobody involved.

Rylee is back too, all of the kids are back and I am just thinking. And I am not back tracking from what I want from him but just thinking, to see him cry like that is a lot “you finally came down” I said to him, he is downstairs with shades on “yeah” he said “you know how much I love you, if you ain’t here then what? I don’t exactly care about shit, yes I said it was about the kids but it never was because you are there, you are always there” I shushed him “the kids are here and they will hear, I don’t want that. But” I froze “Chris” I am just trying to gather myself, if I am going to forgive after every time he cries I might as well be friends with Nury “I still do want to sell this home, I am going to Barbados once I have chosen a home, once I have shut the bitch up, once I have had my meeting to get this company moved here. I am going to Barbados, I am going to see my dad, and be with him for whatever I have left of him. And I am not going to a lawyer any time soon because I have a lot of things going on but once I come back here to LA, I will be looking to file for divorce” Chris groaned out “no, no, no! I don’t want that, please” the shades knocked off his face, his eyes are bad “I want you to go back to your apartment or whatever you got, and I think if you want to be a real man about it, you need to tell the girls why because I am not taking this, this is not my doing” the realisation that he is losing his family is sinking in “the truth?” he said “Rylee asked me about Nury, you don’t need to go into detail but we need to be open and honest to these girls because daddy ain’t going to be in the house and erm” I swallowed hard “I think I will leave Imani or Tianna and Rylee if they want to stay behind, with you” I am mostly doing it to keep him sane “ok” he breathed out.

I refuse to do his dirty work, because the kids will see the change, why should I have to explain to them when he made this mess. Wrapping my arms around Junior, he is tired. Just resting against me with his pacifier in his mouth “can I speak to you girls” he grabbed the remote, he turned the TV off. He still has his shades on “you’re inside dad, why you got shades on” Chris smiled “I know, erm. I need to speak to you girls about something serious and I know Ti and Rylee will understand and maybe Imani too but, we will see. You know” he drifted off “you know erm, you asked about someone called Nury, she hasn’t taken me away. I don’t speak to her anymore, she is a bad friend, and she has said things that has upset your mom a lot, but this girl is not in my life anymore. She isn’t around and never will be, but I made a bad decision and I messed up. Because it’s upset a lot of people including you kids. You know me, you know how much I love you girls so much. Like y’all my whole heart and I hate that you’re disappointed in me” Chris’ voice cracked, he cleared his voice “I am learning and in life as we grow everything is always a learning curb but right now, your mom and I are going to live separately for a while. This doesn’t change anything, like honestly. Your mom and I still talk, we will be fine but as of now, as much as it pains me. I will be living elsewhere” just watching the girls face intently “you did it again?” Rylee said “it’s my fault, I take blame” Chris admitted “it’s a lot to take in girls, I don’t expect you to take it lightly, and if you feel upset then please talk about it, like your dad said we still talk but sometimes adults don’t get on” Tianna looks devastated but Rylee looks livid “so dad is not going to be here anymore?” Rylee asked “not living with us, no” Imani ran over to Chris “I’m sorry” he apologised “it’s ok to feel confused about it all, and honestly when you are ready you can talk about it” Imani either understands or she just wants hugs from her dad “what happens to us?” Tianna asked “nothing, we are both are still here, just sharing our time. The love we have for you kids doesn’t change. And we don’t know what will happen in the future but right now this is where we are at” I rather the kids know the truth instead of them questioning why dad isn’t at the house, why don’t we hug, so many questions. He didn’t want to take accountability but he sure is now.

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