pov: you’re addicted to the “if-onlys” (or me when I’m over-analyzing Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus)
Yes, I’m gonna analyze the entire song. No, I don’t need an introduction. Yes, let’s dive into it.
Let’s start with the very interesting use of the word "hologram".
"Your hologram stumbled into my apartment"
We’ve seen Taylor use "phantom" and "ghost" to talk about past relationships in other songs (for example: loml), but we’ve never seen her use "hologram." Why? Well, this suggests she might be talking about something more present, as if the relationship had become so worn out that he stopped being a real person to her and turned into a hologram—something close yet untouchable.
But, this line, followed by “hands in the hair of somebody in darkness” paints a picture of someone cheating. So, even if Taylor intended this, the ambiguous nature of the verse means it’s necessary to approach it from a different angle too.
Yes, the idea of her coming into her apartment and being followed by the presence of the person she loved, does resembles the idea of a ghost. But the use of "hologram" indicates something different this time, she’s talking about the person’s current actions, and given Taylor’s past relationships with famous people, it makes sense that she would know when they started seeing someone new.
So, what does this mean? With these lines Taylor is bringing a completely different emotion to the song, one that permeates throughout: The rarely discussed how, when someone you loved starts moving on, you’re left wondering, "Why am I staying behind?" and "Why does it still hurt?"; and how this can lead to drowning in "what ifs" and trying to remember why it didn’t work out.
"As the decade would play us for fools
And you saw my bones out with somebody new
Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school"
In the same note, this part of the verse mirrors Taylor's narrative but from the guy’s point of view. She’s now saying the same thing happened to him.
There’s something common in both perspectives tho, Taylor is not just saying “you’re with someone else”, she’s saying “you’re with someone else and that makes me angry”. In the first lines, the mention of names like "Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus" emphasizes her anger and condescension, showing that she doesn’t care about the specifics of who he’s with, just that it’s not her. Paralleling this, the line “who seemed like he would’ve bullied you in school” suggests she’s trying to provoke her ex by mentioning something that would bother him, not because the new partner is a bully (obviously), but because it’s a sore spot for her ex.
"And I just watched it happen"
"And you just watched it happen"
Here, we are already introduced to one of the key elements of the song: the act of watching. Throughout all the song, Taylor will resort to this bit to depict a sense of helplessness.
In the first verse, it is used to portray how both parts of the relationship watched each other drift apart without trying to reconcile.
“And I couldn't watch it happen”
“And you just watched it”
In the second verse, she couldn’t bear to watch, indicating she took action to stay away from him; which was also possible because the guy didn’t do anything to stop her.
“Like it never happened?”
“It just didn't happen”
By the third verse, she dropped this act of watching, now she’s stating facts and contemplating whether pretending it never happened is a viable way to move on.
Now, we’ll move to the chorus.
To start, we need to discuss the double meaning behind the line “I loved you the way that you were”: Did he love her for who she was without needing to change, or did he only love a past version of her? Both interpretations are equally devastating.
“If you wanna tear my world apart
Just say you've always wondered”
Then we are presented to the most heart-wrenching part of the song. Taylor is already wondering, and it would destroy her to know she’s not alone in this. This could mean either she’s hoping to get back together, or she fears she’ll never move on. Imagining a scenario where they meet years later and he admits he’s always wondered about their potential could terrify her, showing how significant this person was to her.
*Part 2 in a few days!!! I'll be discussing some metaphors and some alternative interpretations (because I'm me and I love to complicate things)*
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Ok so the promised thoughts about Interview with the Vampire s2e5 (keep in mind that i haven't read the books, i've only seen some posts by people who have) SPOILERS
This episode was... heavy I guess is the right word. Pretty dark. Some things real fucked up. But also like emotionally.
I'll start with the nice thing, which is the Daniel and Louis dynamic; I really enjoy their present selfs, finding out their memories together. I like that Daniel even seems to be disappointed when Louis say that they didn't do anything lmao. Yeah and them in past is super fun too, at least at the start; Louis being happy with, Daniel "I did what I had to" Molloy taking of his shirt the moment he gets an excuse to do so.
It's interesting tho, the way Louis talks about Lestat has changed. But yeah, time passes and changes perspective (or maybe they have met after this sometimes and that changed it, but in that case i would have to ask where is lestat now)
And I think talking about the 70s takes immense trust on both parts, but especially Daniel's. I mean uncovering what he knows is risky, even without Armand in there.
Speaking of, I like that we get to hear how he likes to hunt; they tell us ("he's gonna be begging for it in an hour" or something like that) and show us with Daniel, that Armand likes his victims to be so mentally broken by him that they basically offer themselves up to him (similar to what Santiago does on stage)
Now that I've opened up Armand's behaviour, I'll talk a little about their fight. Like I get it. I get them both, Armand more than I thought I would. But fucking christ. They are both saying the hard truths (which i doubt is common in their relationship) and so it's spicy.
Louis bringing up Armand's past is fucked. But also Armand being so jealous of Lestat, like he's been their whole relationship; i like to see that, this seed of hatred and resentfulness that keeps hurting them even in present day.
And then Louis runs out and that is something i did not see coming and i feel so bad for him, like omg. And the way Armand acts towards him then feels really cruel but in the light of their fight i guess he gets to be angry (but i still dont like it)
Armand listening to the tapes and promptly torturing Daniel for four fucking days. Crazy. I mean yea this is "Torture as foreplay, the show" but still? Mental.
I wholeheartedly agree with "Fuck your boyfriend"
I'm not actually tho sure if he's torturing him for the fun of it or out of jeaulosy or if he actually wants to find out "what makes him fascinating" but still, jesus (He really said, you could be on your knees in a second and you WILL, lol)
The Lestat-Armand scene broke my heart. This means that they both know that Lestat is alive because Louis didn't look at all surprised that he is, only shocked that Armand knew where he was. So id like to know if he actually found out (when? how??) or if he just assumed.
Now, what is Armand trying to do here? If it's to hurt Louis, he's successful but it hurts me to think that's it. If it's actually to make Louis happy, than he's doing it all wrong, like Louis tells him like a million times to stop. If it's to show that he's better, or like to give Louis a choice and hope he's the chosen one, I mean I guess? Still don't get it tho.
I really like that he refuses to say the "I love you", because, well, I'm not sure about the intentions, but to me it shows that he is scared that Louis would leave him if he knew. Which is not an unfounded fear really, not from the point of view of someone who's been listening to the tapes and hearing Lestat, Lestat, Lestat... over and over again. I think that the tapes kinda confirm Armand's fears that he isn't "enough" for Louis and could never be enough because he just isn't Claudia and he just isn't Lestat.
And the talk after that scene, "he is just my maker" yea no we both know you're lying. But then they explain why Armand's acting kinda like a servant to Louis (because to be tired of cleaning messes, you would have to have cleaned a lot of messes), because he's trying to undo something that happened in Paris? (Claudia is in danger, i fear)
Speaking of Lestat, where is he?? I mean he doesn't know where Louis is and Armand refuses to tell him, but I don't think that's just it. Like, I'm pretty sure if he could, Lestat would burn the whole word to find Louis. So it might be that he's been locked up somewhere? (i have seen people who know the books talk about some dungeon i think?? but idk)
Next thing I find quite fascinating (haha) is the very confusing Loumand power dynamic. It mostly comes from Armand and the way he seems to have two conflicting personalities that he switches between; one of them is the "cold, dark, manipulative, always in power, will torture you mentally", you know like he was acting with Daniel for most of the episode, and then there is the "devoted servant, looking to please and get love, yes maitre, of course maitre" or as Louis calls it, very 'tactly' I might add, "the bitch he was groomed to become", (it is obviously a horrible thing to say, i mean come on, louis.)
And I'm not sure what causes him to switch, if it just happens inside him or if the change is somehow (intentionally or even unintentionally) caused by Louis. It also kinda reminds me of the way Lestat has the mental stability of a rocking horse, but instead of it being "Everything is fine -> Rage", it's "I'm in power -> I will do literally anything you say".
Also idk how Louis feels about this. Because he will certainly use this side of Armand to get what he wants, but I'm not all that sure that he necessarily enjoys that power. Whatever it is, he saved Daniel thanks to it so yeah, good.
The ending, i am a little scared about, i will admit. Not sure how fast Armand can figure out what they know, and when he does, if they will know that he knows that they know. Dubai scenes are gonna be fun is what im saying.
Lastly, the trailer. Looks great again, more Loumand scenes that will hopefully be healthier than whatever this was. I am scared for Claudia as per Armand's "Have I atoned for my part of Paris?" i think the girl is done for. Also Santiago clearly play part in that, i've seen some people talk about a court?? and it looks like he's gonna do just that, probably court for Claudia and Louis (and possibly Armand?)
This didn't fit anywhere, but this episode somehow made me like Armand more? Not as a person, but as a character. I was always team Lestat and it might be because he was there first and i tend to be biased towards that, but maybe it's the fact that he was just more fun to watch. Like both his "normal" and his "fucked up". Armand was really cool too, but his "normal" i just didn't enjoy as much. But his "fucked up" was horrifying and also totally fascinating to watch so now i like him a little more than before (lestat still remains above him tho, idk what to tell you)
So anyways I hope you enjoyed my rant. I will happily read any responses also I might add to this if I remember something later.
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Do I actually think Imogen is going to turn on the party? No. I don't think it’s any more likely to happen than I did Fjord releasing Uk’otoa, or Caleb returning to Trent and the Vollstruckers.
Given the nature of the game, any character turning fully dark is unlikely, seeing as it would take them away from the party for a time or potentially even turn them into an npc, replaced by a new pc. So far the only time we've gotten close to seeing something like it happen was Yasha siding with Obann, which could only happen specifically because Ashley was gone from the table for a long time (it was also the product of mind control, not an active choice to turn dark, and as such still doesn’t really count as a pc turning on the party in my eyes).
But the possibility is there. The seeds planted. Travis has talked about how, after he threw the falchion away, he briefly considered having Fjord leave the party and retun to the coast and Uk’otoa. Liam has mentioned that, early on, Caleb returning to work for Trent was a very real possibilty. It can happen, if the players and narrative are open to it.
And now, canonically, Imogen is desperately and understandably searching for a reason not to have to fight her own mother. She is, however briefly, questioning whether the Ruby Vanguard might have a just cause. Much as she hates it, she also feels the allure of the power Ruidus gives her. Her closest ally is someone who has repeatedly assured she will stand by her no matter what she chooses, even after she voiced the possibility of letting Predathos get out. None of these parts of Imogen are evil, and all of them are understandable and deeply rooted in pain and ostracization, but they could very easily be turned into justification, were she pushed enough.
The seeds are planted. Again, I don’t think it will happen (she seems firmly against the evil plan when reminded of how evil it is), but there’s certainly nothing strange or hateful about engaging with and being interested in the darker possibilities as presented in canon. It isn't character hate to acknowledge that Imogen has the potential to go dark, much as Fjord and Caleb and Yasha. To me, it’s what makes her character interesting. I want to see her clash with the party, whether because she’s desperate to save her own mother or because she’s high off the power of Ruidus and lured in. I want to see Laudna have to choose between the world and her promise to stand by Imogen no matter what. I want to see the fallout, the slow healing and redemption and coming to terms with bad choices. I eat that shit up, and if it doesn’t happen in canon I'll probably go read some fic about it to get my fix.
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so. i've had an idea for a warrior cats fanfiction story, and have spent the last few years hammering out characters, the clans, how they work, the story... a whole lot of stuff. i've tried writing it before, and right now i don't have a current draft of early chapters, but I did recently write out a scene from much later in the story, and i'm pretty happy with it, soooo... here! a warrior cats fic scene i wrote in like an hour a week ago
By the time she led ShadeClan to the Gathering site, Emberstar felt her anxieties lessen. Her foreleg ached from the effort of the journey, but she kept her head high. Beside her, Acornfall glanced back at their clan, then nodded over to Emberstar. He led the clan down into the Gathering hollow, and Emberstar padded over to the slope up to the leader’s perch. PineClan and CliffClan cats were already quietly milling about in the hollow, and up on the overhang she could see Lakestar and Wolfstar waiting. There was no MoorClan scent among the gathered cats.
Emberstar made her way up the slope she’d seen Gorsestar and Froststar before her traverse. It was a thin path, slowly becoming steeper and steeper as she slunk closer to the overhang, finally reaching the steep, gravelly slope that led up to the leaders’ perch. Down at the base of the cliff, she could see Acornfall joining the other deputies with a polite nod of his head, and Troutfoot was carefully weaving her way through the crowd to meet with the other healers. Emberstar twitched her whiskers when Lakestar and Wolfstar noticed her. She crouched and tensed her back legs and leapt up the slope.
It wasn’t enough to reach the top, but she reached out with her forepaw and sunk her claws into the loose gravel and dug her back paws into the ground to keep from slithering back down. She slowly inched forward, moving a kittenstep at a time, but she kept her eyes fixed on the other leaders, more determined than ashamed of herself. Emberstar forced herself up the slope, but her heart skipped a beat when the gravel under her paw proved too loose to get a good enough grip- so close to the top, too. What a shame she had no other forepaw to lash out and find a grip with.
Emberstar felt herself begin to slide back down the slope, but a pair of jaws grasped her by the scruff and hoisted her up onto the overhang. She clawed at the grass and stumbled a step when let go and turned to meet Wolfstar’s amused gaze. “Careful there, three-paw,” the CliffClan leader gruffly purred. “It’s bad luck to fall at your first Gathering as leader.” She brushed past Emberstar to sit back down next to Lakestar.
With a huff, Emberstar followed her with a shake of her pelt. “I appreciate your help, but I would have been fine on my own. I suppose I owe you now?”
Wolfstar’s whiskers twitched. “Are you saying ShadeClan is now in CliffClan’s debt?”
The young leaders stared at each other, then broke out into amused purrs. Lakestar rolled her eyes and wrapped her tail around her paws. “So, you are ShadeClan’s leader now, Emberstar? Or is it still Emberblaze?”
“It is Emberstar now. I visited the Moon Cavern for my lives only a few sunrises ago.”
“May StarClan light your path as leader, then.” Lakestar stiffly dipped her head. Despite the brusque words, there was genuine respect in her pale eyes.
Wolfstar’s own eyes were still bright with humor. “You’ll be great, I know it. What happened to Froststar, then?”
Emberstar narrowed her eyes and turned her gaze to the gathered cats. “I’ll explain that once the Gathering begins. MoorClan is late tonight.” She surveyed the crowd of cats, peering straight down at the huddled healers. Sitting with her back to her PineClan clanmates, Flarelight was sitting close to Troutfrost. After a moment, she gazed up at the overhang, and her eyes met Emberstar’s. Her eyes grew wide and she stared at her littermate for a long moment until another healer got her attention. Then, as if she’d seen nothing, Flarelight flicked her tail and joined the conversation. Her twitching tail-tip was the only hint that she was distracted. Emberstar blinked. She’d become leader so recently that not even the other healers knew, much less the other clans’ warriors. In the crowd of CliffClan cats, she spotted Sunscorch, sitting with his fur brushing Moonwhisper’s, his eyes wide and his body stiff while he stared at his sister up on the overhang.
Poor Sunscorch, so softhearted under those honed claws and strong limbs- he was likely to take the news of Froststar’s death the hardest. Emberstar held his gaze, blinked slowly, and turned her head to the sky. The moon was nearly overhead, and still MoorClan was absent.
“You ought to start the Gathering now,” Wolfstar growled to Lakestar. “It’s newleaf, after all, and if MoorClan’s late then they’re late.”
“We should wait,” Emberstar sharply mewed. “This is my first Gathering as leader, so it would be disrespectful to me as well as MoorClan if we begin without them. It may anger StarClan as well,” she finished in a murmur, flicking her tail-tip up at the sky. Wolfstar just bushed out her stormy gray fur and huffed.
Lakestar gazed up at the sky. Emberstar looked over at her. For so long, as an apprentice, as a warrior, as the deputy, she’d never dared to be so close to the cold PineClan leader. But now, she was barely a tail-length from the sleek silver tabby, and they sat as equals in standing. Lakestar was likely at less than nine lives and Emberstar was without a right foreleg, but they were equals nonetheless.
She was knocked from her thoughts by Wolfstar headbutting her. The larger cat nearly shoved her off-balance. “Glad to see that we’re both finally up here. I was waiting to see when you’d catch up, three-paw.”
Emberstar licked Wolfstar’s ear. “You know I must take things slower than you.”
“Who’d you pick as deputy?” Wolfstar leaned over the edge to inspect the group of deputies. “Hm- Acornfall?”
“He’s a good warrior. Older than me by four seasons, so I trust his advice and his skill.”
“I thought you would have picked Lavenderflash. Or maybe Darknose, you two always seemed close.”
Emberstar gazed down at Lavenderflash, spotting the pure-black molly quickly- she was almost certain there was obvious fondness in her eyes as she looked at her former apprentice. “Lavenderflash is… young and still training her first apprentice. She is a good, loyal warrior, but not fit to be deputy or eventual leader in my mind. And Darknose…” The tom was sitting at the edge of the crowd, alone. “He is a possibility, but he still mourns his brother even all these moons later, so I don’t know if he would be the best choice.”
Wolfstar made a sniff of approval, then her gaze snapped to the far hill. A yowl rang out, and the three leaders pricked their ears and the cats in the hollow turned to see MoorClan finally arrive, led by Applestar. Emberstar sat stiffly until she spotted Glowflame in the crowd, side-by-side with Orangeclaw. He joined the cats in the hollow with his clan while Applestar broke off to climb up to the overhang, and he seemed to murmur something to Orangeclaw before she angled her ears up at Emberstar. Glowflame looked up and spotted her, and his jaw dropped open. Emberstar couldn’t help but let out a purr of affection for her brother as he gaped in amazement at her.
Applestar greeted the other leaders when he finally joined them, nodding briefly at Emberstar, and hurriedly sat down next to Lakestar, his mottled fur standing up along his spine. The leaders gave the cats in the hollow a few moments to settle down. In that time, Emberstar saw her littermates make their ways through the crowd towards each other. By the time Lakestar threw back her head and yowled to signify the beginning of the Gathering, Flarelight, Sunscorch, and Glowflame sat huddled together with their eyes trained on their sister. Emberstar met their gazes for just a heartbeat and felt the final icicles of her anxiety melt away.
She then turned her head to watch Lakestar as she began to announce her clan’s news for the moon, and reminded herself of what she had to announce when it was her turn. She was ShadeClan’s leader, now. StarClan had approved of her. Emberstar lifted her chin and, with a deep breath, finally settled into her place at the head of her clan.
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