#have i mentioned how ill i am about her letting ben live can i talk about that it fucks me up so bad

[hearties-circus]

Guess who's story mode I just rewatched

#al art #skullgirls #black dahlia #skull heart #valentine #big band #i do love that everyone was worried about her making a wish #only person to use the fucking skull heart as bait and then become friends with it #only person to make a wish and Not be transformed #she is the most real #have i mentioned how ill i am about her letting ben live can i talk about that it fucks me up so bad #hebwas right hebwas completely right and she proved it #i keep thinking about how if that timeline hadny been prematurely ended that ben mighta needed to join forces with her to survive #could you fucking imagine #anywaus ibis really didjt want me to draw this it crashed i think 6 times? very tempermental today

[crystal-moon-101]

Managed to do another redesign with rewrite notes, this time my second favourite character in Ben 10, Azmuth The First Thinker. And just like Ben, he's canon self is such a mess that I wish to fix in my own way. The other Galvans in this picture are his family, with his father from the movie "Destroy All Aliens", his nephews mentioned by DJW, and their mother who is Azmuth's twin sister. So let me get into the notes and rewrite ideas of mine!

-Retaliator-

Yes, I am aware that this is most likely not his name, but I could not be bothered to make up my own at this point, and I also find it funny to have a Galvan dad called this, so I'm sticking with it. So Retaliator is the father of both Azmuth and Divi, a very humble and calm old galvan, who has seen a lot through his years, now retired and mostly just trying to keep the family together through small things.

Retaliator has the rare gene of having aqua/turquoise eyes, a recessive trait in galvans, similar to human with the red hair gene.

Retaliator looks younger than he should be, and that's because he is, in a way. You see, right before Azmuth vanished to start working on the watch, Retaliator fell ill to an disease with no known cure, and this caused the family to...kind of break down. A lot had happen up to this point (Things that will be noted throughout this), and none of them wanted things to end like this. So Azmuth did something he know he shouldn't have, as such a thing takes so much time and resource, and generally frowned upon, and ended up creating a new young clone body for his father's brains to be transferred too. By the time Retaliator woke up from surgery, his son was already gone, off in hiding. It this was event that really made Retaliator realize he may not have been the best father for a long time...

While he is retired now, Retaliator use to do work based around energy stuff.

Since he's family's back together, he likes to host game or movie nights, or even little dinners and get togethers.

He adores his grandsons, and loves to share stories from his past to them, and he's one of the few people they calm down around.

He will admit that he did...go a bit wild when he thought Azmuth died, fighting Ben in the Galvanic Mechamorph suit, but him and Ben have since made up, and the old galvan likes talking to the young lad often.

He has most defiantly embarrassed both of his kids by showing off baby photos of them.

He met his wife through work, like most galvans, with her being a much higher up worker. Surprisingly, despite their statuses, it was his wife who asked him out first, having found him very charming.

Retaliator can never thank Ben enough for convincing his son to come home, and despite their bickering, he enjoys seeing Azmuth's bond with Ben, as the two have a way of balancing each other out.

While he may be in a younger body, his mind is certainly still that of an old galvan, and can often act like his body is older than it really is due to the mental age of his brain.

-Azmuth-

Ahhhh, dear old Azmuth, how I love your character concept, and yet get so frustrated with your actual canon self...There is a lot I have changed in terms of his placement and behavior on the show, and while I can't note all of them down there, the major theme behind them is that he is not a complete jerk in them. Don't get me wrong, Azmuth would still have flaws and issues with his off-standing nature, but he would act in a way that feels more natural, showing his growth and change while mentoring Ben. He genuinely wants to help and is a good person, it's just...he still has a lot to work through. In terms of his slight redesign, I'll like to mention that if you look closely, his outfit is a mixture of his first original outside, crossed with his UAF outfit.

I did mention that I couldn't note all changes of him in series plots, since most boil down to be him being nicer and more realistic, but I will note one change because it's big enough to mention. For the Diagon/Forever Knight Arc, Azmuth did not create Ascalon, because I while I get he's smart and created things like the Omnitrix, I don't think he should be such a big source of dangerous artifacts in the series so often, especially ones that cause trouble. So instead, Ascalon was a weapon crafted in Ledgerdomain, to help fight Diagon who orientated there, and at the time had been trying to conquer earth, and Zenith leaving Azmuth happened because of miscommunication and issues between them instead.

That being said, Azmuth does get involved in the Ultimate Alien Diagon arc when Ben himself calls Azmuth over, needing his help knowing he can better understand Ascalon, and eventually entrusted Azmuth and the Galvans to keep it and the trapped Diagon safe.

Azmuth and his sister had a very rebellious phase as teenagers/young adults, this being the age that Azmuth said he was a lot like Ben, though admittedly, Azmuth was slightly more of an ass than Ben ever was. They were going through a tough time, and Azmuth reacted negatively too it all. Funnily enough, the one thing that seems to make him doo a 180 degrees in personality was his massive swooning crush over Zenith.

He won't ever admit out loud, but he does find Ben's trait of nicknaming his aliens kind of funny...

He shares a mentoring role towards Ben with Grandpa Max and Tetrax, with Max handling the more emotional and human side of Ben's problems, Tetrax handling the physical training and teachings, and Azmuth handling the more logical steps and hard truth Ben needs to hear. He's one of the few people to give Ben the smack of reality he needs from time to time.

That being said, Ben is also one of the few people able to handle Azmuth right back, and give him needed talkings to when the man is losing himself to a bad habit.

Mostly due to the fact that Tennysons seem to have a habit of making people very close to them like family, E.g with Ben seeing Kevin and Rook like brother figures at times, there seems to be subtle hints between Azmuth and Ben that there might be parent and child like moments between them, though both would deny it if brought up.

It doesn't help that Azmuth ends up taking it upon himself on making sure Ben is healthy and happy, based on scans from the Omnitrix he reads daily. Of course, he'll just say he doesn't want the boy he entrusted his watch with to die in a stupid way, but people close to either of them know that Azmuth really does care deep down.

He has said both "I'm too old for this" and "I'm too young for this" many times.

Azmuth has admitted that he's nervous around the Omnitrix, and doesn't like putting it on. He's not good at handling the idea of becoming something he's not...

The Malware arc for Azmuth was...a lot more complicated than canon. Azmuth really did try to fix Malware, but for some reason he couldn't, and it scared him that one, this might be the first problem he can't find a solution too, and second, he just came back from hiding and had been wanting to make changes in his life, so to fail and hurt someone already? He didn't know what to think. It didn't help when Malware started refusing his help and ended up endangering the lives of others, including galvans and Azmuth's own family. And despite it all, Azmuth kept trying over and over again to let him help Malware, but the villain always refused, until Azmuth eventually had to accept that he couldn't do anything. When Malware was finally killed, Azmuth went quiet for a good while, and needed time to recover from his mistake.

Due to some past issues, Azmuth mostly refers to his father by his real name, and only calls him dad or father during emotional or quiet moments.

Whenever they're hanging out, Ben likes to bring him and Azmuth cricket smoothies to drink together.

Despite how they seem to bicker often, Myaxx and him play off each other rather well, able to dry wit each other every day.

Azmuth and Albedo's relationship is also very complicated. Before Azmuth returned, Albedo was an outstanding Galvan and protégé, being praised every single day. This, unfortunately, made Albedo develop a prideful nature and his close minded views on the galaxy, as he rarely was ever put down or critiqued. His ego also got a bit of a boost when the great Azmuth took notice of him, and made him his assistant, and while he loved it at first, some issues started to arise when Azmuth wasn't like the other Galvans who praised Albedo to no end. That isn't to say Azmuth never complimented him and liked his work, but he was an honest man who knew no one was perfect, and especially wasn't going to worship someone, knowing what kind of ego that could make in someone. It doesn't help that Albedo just can't understand what Azmuth sees in Ben, and how the two bond, despite Ben's young careless nature, and being human. It ends up making Albedo want a lot more from Azmuth, the man he looks up too, and when he's denied that he eventually turns his back on the First Thinker. Azmuth can only hope that being able to turn into other aliens, and being stuck as human, will teach Albedo that Galvans, including himself, aren't what make the galaxy function.

Azmuth is typically one of the must unfazed people you'll ever meet.

Given most Galvans have an issue of seeing themselves as the top race, Azmuth is kind of fond of Blukic and Driba for being very open and helpful to outsiders, and was even the one to suggest them to join the Plumbers.

Zenith and Azmuth too meet up again eventually, and while they don't get back together, they do make amends.

Azmuth was fairly small for a Galvan for a long time, until he finally hit his growth spurt late into his teen years, something his sister use to tease him over.

Greymatter's DNA mostly comes from Azmuth, meaning Ben actually looks like a Azmuth when he was young, his family having made comments about Ben being his "Clone".

-Divi-

Here we have the twin sister of Azmuth, Divi. A dry wit, no nonsense, sarcastic and feisty single mother of her three chaotic sons. Unlike Azmuth's father and nephews, she was something I had to completely make up from the spot, since Azmuth was said to have nephews, that meant he had to have a sibling, so it was fun to create someone with an interesting dynamic with Azmuth. She is, after all, one of the few people to exhibit some of those petty family squabbles out of him. So I hope you enjoy her and her sons.

As mentioned before, Azmuth and her went through rebellious phases after some downfall in their family life, with Divi jumping around jobs and never settling for one, and even dating another Galvan that neither Azmuth or Retaliator approved off. When Azmuth first left Galvan Prime to go into hiding, Divi and her boyfriend had still been dating. However, when he finally came home, he found the boyfriend to be gone, and Divi now a single mother to three sons. Azmuth never got a clear story what happened to the boyfriend, but he knows that the break up was nasty, and that the boyfriend isn't on Galvan Prime anymore.

Sometime after Divi had her children, she eventually settled for a job in the nursery/incubation centre on Galvan Prime, looking after eggs and newly hatched tadpoles before they go home with their parents.

Divi is quite a blunt and honest woman, who has no time for dragging things on, and while she may sound harsh, she ends up just wanting the best for people. In fact her open nature of speech is how she gets people to listen and see reason.

Her and Azmuth had a...bit of a dysfunctional relationship growing up. Azmuth was actually a slow learning when he was young, and Divi had a habit of picking on him. They did eventually mallow out, until tragedy struck their family and they entered their rebel phases, and the bickering and arguing come from both sides. They have made up since Azmuth returned, but the two have their squabbles here and there, but they're mostly just playful banter or family habits.

Her and Myaxx get along quite well, and the two like hanging out with each other.

She's also fond of Ben since meeting him, and the two like chatting whenever he plays with her sons, he's even babysat for her a few times.

She has no interest in dating again anytime soon, and is proud to be a single mother.

She's the one who points out Azmuth and Ben's family like roles to each other often, mostly due to the fact that she understands what a paternal feeling is like, and because she's blunt about it.

She got her wisdom feet first out of her and Azmuth growing up.

While Azmuth was off in hiding, Divi reconnected with his father when looking after to him after surgery. So, unlike Azmuth, she mostly just calls him father and dad.

-Trapez, Cieven & Aegls-

The three mischievous nephews, sons and grandsons of the family. Left to right, Trapez, Cieven & Aegls, who are the triplets of Divi. The three are like glue, and are often playing or up to little tricks, creating chaos around Galvan Prime. While they mostly look the same and are all tricksters, they do have personality differences. Trapez is the best when it comes to emotions and the phycology behind it, something most Galvans struggle with, and can come across as the kindest of the three. Cieven has a lot of traits from Divi and Azmuth, being fairly intelligent and wanting to be a lot like his uncle someday, though does have some of their sarcastic nature as well. Aegls is the most energetic of the three, hype up often and quick with crafting and thinking of ideas. When you combine all three together, you get a force of endless chaos.

Their mother has been honest to them about who their father is, and why he isn't around, but the three have grown up fine without him, and will forever be grateful for the work their mother put into caring for them.

They were born while Azmuth was away, and so have been building up hype about their missing uncle for most of their lives, enough so that when Azmuth did come back, they all tackled hugged him while he was still understanding the idea that he was now in fact an uncle.

They love Ben and the Omnitrix, roping Ben into some of their pranks and shenanigans, and while Ben mostly tries to stare them into the right direction, he can't help himself half the time and joins in on the chaos, much to Azmuth and Divi's dismay.

They do become a part of my Ben 10 Next Gen Series, given Galvans take forever to age, and will finally be young tweens when the Next Gen takes place.

The three each have different dream jobs for the future. Trapez wants to be a psychiatrist or doctor, Cieven wants to be an inventor, and Aegls was to deal with energy based matters like his grandfather once did.

Never give these kids sugar or coffee, it will end badly.

The three...had a bad encounter with Malware during his rampage, and for a while were scared around Galvanic Mechamorphs...They get over it eventually, but Malware does haunt them for a long while.

They once picked up some colourful language from Azmuth and Myaxx when overhearing them once. You can imagine how Divi took that.

-The First Thinker Family-

The traumatic event that struck the family was in fact the death of Azmuth and Divi's mother, who was killed by someone who was after Galvan Tech. The family fell apart after that, with Retaliator falling into a deep depression and being distant from his kids, and Azmuth and Divi going wild in their teen/young adult years to distract themselves from the grief. They've all come together now and have been taking the proper sets to honor her memory, and become a family again.

While no one has outright said it, Ben has kind of become part of this little family in a few ways, and after a while Azmuth stops being survived when the boy shows up for family dinners or game nights.

They all live on Galvan Prime, though Retaliator is known to take trips here and there around the galaxy, wanting to see more of it during his retirement.

On the outside, many Galvans treat the family as there wise people, who have sage advice. And while that isn't wrong, once you get to know them they're a very chaotic family...

#Hope you enjoy what I've done with Azmuth's character and his family #I just really want to get across how I think he should have gone #Ben 10 #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 ultimate alien #ben 10 alien force #Azmuth #Ben 10 Azmuth #Ben 10 OCs #Ben 10 Destroy All Aliens #My art #Ben 10 Rewrite #ben 10 redesign

[certifiedskywalker]

Weakened Inhibitions - Luke Skywalker

Anonymous said: Okay so I know the Jedi mind trick thing mainly just works for the weak minded. BUT maybe we can pretend the reader has a cold or something. (Also not sure about all the rules surrounding that? Anyways) But may I request a Luke Skywalker x reader in which someone (maybe Leia) uses the mind trick to make the reader reveal her crush on Luke? And then she teases the reader and threatens to tell Luke and fluff ensues? Thank you so much omg I LOVE your imagines! ♥️♥️♥️

Thank you, darling I love love love this request! It ended up being a bit of a slow burn and I kinda switched it up (just a little). I hope that’s okay!

WARNING: mention of sickness and Jedi mind trick use

“I haven’t been this sick since Hoth.”

“Yes, that cold was brutal,” Leia shook her head at the memory. 

“Forced you and Han together,” you said with small laugh. Quickly, the sound morphed and melded with the soreness of your throat. A cough cut your joy short. Leia, who sat at your bedside, shifted, and concern played plainly across her face. It was the same look that Luke gave you when he was worried.

It was the same look Luke gave you before he left for his mission. In his departure the Jedi had tasked Leia with looking after you. Even as she pressed one of her chilled hands to your forehead, you could tell that Leia would rather be where the action was. You didn’t blame her; you had been surprised that Luke had kept you and your cold company for as long as he had. It did nothing to dull the ache of him leaving. 

“Are you feeling any better?”

“I am,” you sighed once you caught your breath. “I’m sorry about keeping you here.” Leia frowned and shook her head. She moved her hand from your head to your own hand, giving it a small, comforting squeeze.

“Don’t be. You’re my closest friend and I am glad to be with you.” There was a wistfulness in her words that was hard to miss. You gave her a look and she sighed before she continued. “It’s just Luke.”

Your heart fluttered at the thought of the Jedi. Since the fall of the Empire, you two had gotten close. It had started on Endor, the night of the celebration; before starting the New Republic and the new Jedi Order took over your lives. Now you two were working closer together and it was torture for your heart. 

“What’s wrong? Is he-”

“Nothing is wrong with Luke it’s just the way he teaches.” Leia explained, cutting you off. She gave you a quirked brow of interest. You swallowed hard, in the hopes of swallowing your feelings for her brother with it. 

“What do you mean?” At your question, Leia slipped her slipped from yours and gestured to the air around her. 

“I know how to use the Force, but he insists that I need let the Force guide my hand.” She shook her head, “this may sound juvenile but I want to just use it.”

“Use it?”

“You know, like…” You watched as Leia lifted her slender hand higher. The motion was slower than her gesture before, more controlled. Purpose, strength, seemed to glide smooth like new gears within her arm, working between her fingers. Before you could ask what she was doing, you left the medbay cot you were resting on begin to lift. Eyes wide, you looked back to Leia and saw her brows were slightly furrowed.

Leia let her hand drop and the bed fell gently with it. “That’s just the start of it.”

“I’ve seen Luke do some incredible things,” you agreed. “I imagine you’ll be stronger than him since you already carry the weight of politics on your shoulders.”

“Perhaps you’re right, but Luke won’t practice the more valuable uses of the Force.”

“Valuable?”

Leia grinned like a mischievous child, like Han. “Mind tricks.”

Luke had told you once of the time Ben had used a mind trick on a pair of Stormtroopers. It had been so early in his adventure but he remembered it so clearly. It was one of your favorite stories of Luke’s to listen to. When he told it, a light always glinted in his eyes and a smile, as bright as Tatooine’s two suns, spread on his lips. At the thought, the memory of him, your heart leapt in your chest. Renewed longing struck you and, when she saw your saddened eyes, Leia frowned.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I was just-”

“Hello, Y/N L/N. I have for you medicine to alleviate the-”

“Thank you, 2-1B,” Leia said, glancing at the medical droid before glancing back to you. In a stroke of fear, you realized that she had sunk her hooks in you. Once Leia was intrigued, she was a Wookiee with a bone. There was no stopping her.

“Side effects made include-”

“Is it Luke?” You met her brown eyes for an instant and felt your resolve shake.

“-drowsiness, dizziness-”

“Is what Luke?” You ask, trying to pretend to get lost in the list of side effects 2-1B was rattling off. Yet, all you could hear was the pounding of your heart in your ears and Leia’s questioning. 

“Y/N, did something happen with him? Did you tell him?”

“-weakened inhibitions, minor nausea upon-”

“What are you talking about?”

“Administer the medicine, 1B,” Leia said. The droid, programmed to follow orders, did just that. “Y/N, did you tell him how you feel? You know-”

“Use it on me.”

“What?”

You were desperate, heart pounding and looking to grasp at any distraction. Leia would never be able to say no to innocent practice.

“A mind trick.”

Leia’s mouth fell open, shocked by your words. You stomach twisted at the sight, a strange mix of fear and relief. Later, you would realize that the medicine administered by 2-1B had already taken effect. By the time you suggested the mind trick, the droid had already given you the drug to kick back the illness clinging to you. Mind muddled, your were too clouded in the moment to think of the repercussions. Weakened inhibitions had already sealed your fate. 

But, in the moment, you were hopeful. Luke had said that there were some, strong minded, steadfast, that could resist the Jedi mind trick. Leia moved in her chair to better face you as you sat up in your cot. Despite preparing for the trick, Leia looked at you gravely. 

“You’re sure about this?”

“Yes,” you said quickly, content that you had distracted her. The adrenaline that had urged through your veins when Leia had asked about your feelings for Luke had dulled. Or maybe it was the medicine. Didn’t 1B say it could make you drowsy?

“Alright, I’ll start small.” 

Leia’s brow furrowed with concentration. Her lips pursed, in the same Luke’s did as he studied star maps. You smiled at the mental image of him, unable, or unwilling, to suppress it into a frown. Your expression did nothing to faze Leia. With focused eyes, you watched her hand rise and wave slowly across your vision.

“You will pinch your nose.”

For a moment, a split second, you felt your fingers twitch to move. The feeling was a flash though, and you remained still. Leia’s face fell and you gave her a sympathetic look.

“Try again?”

Leia straightened her posture and held up her hand again. “You will pinch your nose.”

A few seconds of silence passed and you didn’t move a muscle. You didn’t even feel the little twitch you had felt the first time. Leia’s cheeks burned red and you frowned.

“Let me try again.”

You did. You let her try again and again and again. Eventually, sleep began to weigh down your eyelids and Leia had grown completely frustrated. She slumped back in her chair and let out a groan. Through your tired eyes, you could tell that the she was spent.

“Your heart is in it,” you murmured, “maybe that’s the matter.”

Leia hummed in response, pinching the bridge of her nose as she had tried to get you to do. “Maybe because it doesn’t matter,” she mused, “pinching your…”

Leia sat up with a jolt and you, foggy with the threat of sleep, shifted with the sudden movement. Your friend’s brown eyes were wide and wild with realization.

“What is it?”

“Let me try something that matters.” Leia moved, straightened her posture once more and raised a hand. Your eyes followed her hand as she waved it to the side. “You will tell Luke how you feel about him.”

Despite the heaviness of your body, you felt something light wash over you. It was like a mist had breezed over you, grazed your heart and flesh. Maybe you were falling asleep or maybe Leia’s Jedi mind trick finally worked. Either way, you’re overwhelmed by it and your reply slips out before you slip into the dark.

“I will tell Luke how I feel about him.”

Cotton mouth was the first thing to greet you when you woke. Your mouth and lips were dry as Tatooine. Slowly, you opened your eyes to look for the glass of water set on the table beside your cot. As you moved, your eyes met his.

Luke was the second thing to greet you when you woke.

“Hi,” he said softly. You couldn’t help the smile that spread along your lips and, when Luke saw it, he smiled too. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I need water,” you replied, your voice hoarse. 

Luke nodded and reached over towards the small table. He held the glass of water that had been set there as you moved to sit up in your cot. When you were situated, you took the glass and a sip. As you drank, you could feel Luke watching you. When you finished, you looked up at his blue eyes. There was a glint in his stare that you caught before he looked away.

Your heart leapt at the sight and the sudden urge to spill every feeling you had been holding in rushed at you. It hit you so hard, you nearly choked on your water as you went for another sip. No, not a feeling. You needed to tell Luke how you felt. 

“Lu-”

“Leia said you helped her practice.” He sat back in the seat beside your cot. His hands clasped together and the seriousness in his eyes made your stomach twist. 

Suddenly, a wave of remembrance washed over you. Echoes of Leia telling you that you would pinch your nose reverberated in your mind. Then there came the drowse and your memory went hazy. Had it worked? That didn’t matter; you needed to tell Luke. 

“Yeah, I did. I don’t really…but, I-”

“You don’t remember?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, meeting Luke’s eyes. “Is that normal?”

“It means it worked,” Luke said. 

His voice carried an edge to it, like a parent ready to scold a child. The boy you had met all those years ago, when he first joined the Rebellion, had morphed into a good man. Though Luke was always good. So good and your heart wanted to burst at the thought.

“Luke, I-”

“I wish you wouldn’t have. Leia is...she’s strong but she’s impulsive. Force knows what she made you do or say.” He turned his gaze to meet yours and you swore you could see stars in his eyes. His blond hair was messy, like he hadn’t slept in a while but his eyes were bright as he looked at you. “I missed you.”

You felt the rush, the pressure in your chest again. “I missed you too, Luke. I actually, I love you.” 

The pressure on your chest lessened the moment the words left your lips. Then the gravity of what you said fall over your shoulders and you forced yourself to swallow the fear. Luke’s blue eyes were wide, mouth open in surprise. Heat rushed to your face and you looked away from the young Jedi.

“I don’t know why I said that. I…” You trailed off. There was no mending what you may or may have not broken. You felt the embarrassment burn your skin. Your face was a aflame and even your hands felt warmer. When you looked down, you saw why.

Luke’s hands were holding yours, gently squeezing them. The sight gave you enough courage, enough hope and confusion to meet his eyes again. He was looking at you, no longer with surprise but with sincerity. 

“Tell me again, if you mean it.”

You swallowed hard and a small, scared laugh fell from your lips. “I love you.”

Without hesitation, Luke moved to your side and pressed his lips to yours. In his touch, your worry melted away. You let go of Luke’s hands to hold his face, cup his jaw, cement the feeling of his skin against your in your memory. Your hands force him to pull away slow, eyes hooded, barely meeting yours as you both catch your breaths. 

"I wanted to make sure Leia didn't tell you to tell me that you loved me,” Luke explained softly. “I wanted to make sure it was real, that this could be real."

“It’s real.” At your words, Luke grins. He leans in too, nose brushing gently against yours as if her were asking for permission. You kiss him again as your answer and make a mental note to thank Leia later.

#luke skywalker #luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker fanfiction #star wars #star wars imagines #luke skywalker imagine #luke skywalker imagines #star wars imagine #star wars fanfiction #leia organa #hoth

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Am I a fool to think that there's a little hope - Part 4

This fic is growing yet I feel like I'm only writing a tiny bit at a time. Anyway I'm playing fast and loose with prison visiting here because Victoria has feelings and her brother needs to hear what an idiot he's been...Aaron's had his turn.

Robert's surprised but also he's not when the guard tells him he has a visitor the following afternoon. The rule is one visit a fortnight and he's got two in two days. He knows it's Vic even before he goes into the visiting room. He dreads to think what she's done to wangle another visit and decides he's probably better off not knowing.

Since Aaron left the day before he's done nothing but worry about what he'd said, about Liv, about the business and cursing himself for thinking Aaron would be better off. It sounded like it was anything but. He'd wanted to ask, wanted to know everything but Aaron couldn't get out of there fast enough.

He'd barely had chance to think about his case, if there was one, too focussed on Aaron, and he knew Victoria would be wanting answers, answers he just didn't have. He needed to talk to his solicitor. He'd asked for her to be contacted but nothing moved that fast in here, it'd take time for her to visit he knew that.

"Robert!" He smiles as she hugs him, gently pushing her away when one of the guards glares at him.

"Hi Vic. Are you alright? Aaron said you weren't up to much."

"Oh no, I'm fine now. Speaking of Aaron, what did you say to him, he was in a foul mood all night long."

"Never mind that." He can't stop smiling, her mood is infectious like that and he realises just how much he's missed her. "Just how did you manage to get another visit?"

"Oh...well I tried explaining that I'd been ill and when that didn't work I got on to your solicitor and...well she might've implied that it was a family emergency."

"Vic! You can’t do things like that."

"You would." He opens his mouth, then shuts it because she's not exactly wrong. "Anyway, it is. You could get out Rob! That's massive."

"Hold on, Aaron said it was a tiny chance, and besides, are you alright? Must've been a shock, Luke coming out like that and all this." He's stalling, he knows she wants him to jump for joy but he just doesn't have it in him.

"Oh I'm fine, I'm better off. You need to talk to your solicitor, and then we can get started on an appeal."

"Vic, slow down. I pleaded guilty, I took responsibility. Are you sure anyone's going to care?"

"I will, your nephew will." She paused. "Seb will."

"Don't." There wasn't a day went by without him thinking of his little boy, wondering what he'd be doing, if he was still cheeky, if he even knew who he was anymore. In his darker moments he imagined him calling Ross 'Daddy' and the three of them being the perfect happy family. "How is he?"

"I don't know. Rebecca's pretty much cut us all off. Diane managed to get to see him a few months back but she's heard nothing since. You know she stopped Aaron seeing him, not long after Christmas last year, right after the divorce papers arrived." He stares at her, wished she'd say it was a joke. He knew they hadn't had any kind of formal agreement but he'd never expected Rebecca to do that. She knew how much Seb loved Aaron. He was beginning to realise just how much he'd messed up, and Aaron had every reason to be mad at him.

"I've made such a mess. Is he...he said the business isn't good and Liv's in a mess." He reaches for her hand. "How is he really Vic?"

"Things are...difficult right now. We've not really been close the last few months, he had issues with Luke and Wendy and everything, and now I realise how much of an idiot I've been."

"It's not your fault, Vic."

"He's lonely. Even with..." She trails off and he knows she was going to mention a bloke, he's not stupid. He'd wanted this after all, he just hadn't realised just how much it would hurt.

"He's with someone?"

"Sort of, I think. Ben. He's alright, and they're...I don't think it's anything official, they're just hanging out, and Ben's helping with Liv. You can't be mad about it Rob."

"No I know. Hurts all the same."

"You might be my big brother but you're a proper idiot. Cutting him off like that, and me! What were you thinking?"

"I've been through all this with him, don't you start."

"I will start. You'll say it was for the best and that, but it wasn't. Not for me, and definitely not for Aaron. Neither of us care that it'd be a pain making the journey down here, or that it's for years. We love you, but you won't let us!"

He shakes his head, he knows she's right. He knows why, it's always been the same. Ever since he was sent away all those years ago, he just never feels as though people will stay with him, that they'll get fed up, that he's not worth it. So he gets in first, pushes them away, cheats, anything rather than be hurt.

"Vic, stop, please."

"No. You're my brother and I lost you before. Andy's gone, you're stuck here and it's just been me. I needed you, even if it was just a phone call or a letter. You've been all alone because you're stubborn."

"It was for the best. All of you should just get on with your lives and forget about me."

"Well tough, it doesn't work like that! You know, Aaron wasn't going to come with me, even though I asked, but he did because he wanted to see you despite everything. Left Ben to do it, what does that tell you?"

"That he's a good mate."

"No, that he misses you. First mention of you and he goes all Aaron, storming off and hiding away. He still loves you, you idiot." He shakes his head, doesn't want to believe it. He's managed to push all those thoughts aside and he doesn't want them coming back up again and torturing him.

"Didn't feel like that yesterday."

"Of course it doesn't. He thinks you don't want him. Honestly the two of you drive me mad. Look, say you do get out of here, wouldn't you want him back?"

"Of course I would, but he's with this Ben now."

"Pfft." He laughs a little and her face. "He'd take you back the second you walked in the village and you know it."

"Maybe once."

"You're so infuriating."

"So are you. I don't want to talk about Aaron anymore. Tell me what's been going on in the village." He let her chatter wash over him, too much going on in his head to even start to sort out. If he was lucky enough to get out, would he want to go back to the village where most of the residents didn't like him. He wasn't stupid he knew they tolerated him for Aaron. No doubt the Dingles hated his guts, and then there was Wendy. Maybe it'd be better all round if he just started afresh, or stayed where he was. He just didn't know what to do for the best. He needed time.

--------

Aaron throws his keys on the table, glad the house is quiet. He's exhausted. Vic had tried talking about Robert all the way home, so much so he'd contemplated getting the train home. Trying to tell him he still loved him, knew he'd been an idiot. He didn't care, no that was a lie, of course he did, but he was afraid to believe it. Besides what good would it do unless Robert changed his mind and let him back in.

He should call Ben, try and explain, try and make it up to him, except he really wasn't sure he wanted to anymore.

He's half asleep when his phone rings and he doesn't recognise the number.

"Hello?"

"Hi." The gasp sounds loud in the quiet room, the voice so familiar and so unexpected. "So, you married an idiot."

He can't help it, he starts laughing, hears Robert joining in and that's all there is for a good few minutes.

"I missed you." He doesn't say anything. "I know it's my fault, all of it and it shouldn't have taken my little sister pecking my head about it all afternoon, but...I'm sorry."

"I know. I missed you too." He feels the tension leave him, Robert always managed to do that.

"If I'm...Vic said, about Ben. If I'm...if you want me to go that's fine, I will, I just...I...wanted you to know."

"Yeah. Ben's...he's a mate." Not strictly true, but deep down he'd known it'd never be more than that, no matter how hard he tried. "I'm still mad at you."

"Yeah. Kinda mad at myself too. Listen, Vic said...about Rebecca stopping Seb visiting. I'm so sorry Aaron, I never thought she'd do that."

"Yeah well, I think she was just waiting for the chance. You know she never really liked me all that much." It hadn't mattered when Robert was there, he'd put up with it because as long as Seb was happy he didn't care.

"Still...if things go the right way, that's the first thing I'm changing."

"You're going to appeal then?"

"You have met Vic, right? As if she'd let me do anything else." He sighs and Aaron can hear a commotion in the background. "I've nothing to lose have I? If I lose I'm still in here the same amount of time. If I win then I get my life back, at least some of it."

"All of it." Robert pauses, and Aaron knows he's thinking he's misheard.

"Yeah?" His voice sounds just like it had so many times, when he couldn't quite believe what was happening.

"Yeah. I'm still mad as hell at you and we will be talking about you making stupid decisions all by yourself, but yeah...throughout our lives together, remember?"

"And if it takes a while? Or...if it doesn't work?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

They talk a bit longer, about nothing at all, just chatting like they used to and he realises just how much he's missed it. When they finally have to hang up he's smiling. He knew there was one more thing he had to do.

"Ben? It's me. Can you come over? We need to talk."

--------

It'd taken months, of legal wrangling, of trying to find Luke, months of visits to the Isle of Wight, of expecting every time to be turned away because Robert had changed his mind, but now it was the last time.

"Quit your pacing, you're making me dizzy."

"I can't help it. What if..."

"What if nothing. You heard the judge. He's free. He'd be here now if he'd been in court." He nodded, he knew that, but the restrictions still meant video appearances, so here they were waiting for all the paperwork to be finished before they could see Robert.

Vic had wanted to come with him, only Harry having a raging temperature had stopped her, so he'd asked Cain, the only member of his family who hadn't tried to talk him out of it all.

"Daddy coming?" He turned to see Seb poking his head out of the car window. Robert had somehow managed to convince Rebecca to restart their visits and he and Seb had been slowly getting to know each other again.

"Soon mate, promise."

"I'm hungry."

"I know. We'll get something as soon as he's here." Satisfied the little boy goes back to the game on Aaron's phone. "Do you think...is it wrong that I don't want to go back?"

"To Emmerdale? Why."

"You've seen what it's like. Mum, Paddy, everyone telling me what they think, how bad he is for me."

"Do you care what they think? You know the truth, they'll come round. If they don't, you've got your family Aaron. Your Mum's the one who'll lose out."

"I know. I just wish she'd try."

"Yeah well, she's stubborn. Just like him." Aaron follows his gaze, sees Robert standing outside the entrance to the prison, looking around, as if he can't quite believe he's out. "Go on then, go get your husband back."

He doesn't need telling twice, runs across the road, probably startling Robert as he throws his arms around him.

Everything would be alright now. He had Robert back.

#robron fic #i just decided that aaron would despatch liv somewhere #basically i didn't want to get into it #i hope this finishes it off satisfactorily #and seb's back where he should be #all is right with the world

[lightsaberupmybutt]

Three’s a Crowd - Reader/Ben Solo/Poe Damerson (Modern AU)

alright so Ben/Kylo is a big ego kid in this, because of course. Also, Rey is ACTUALLY Lukes daughter in this, making them cousins. Ive fiddled with the plot okay sue me. 

Summary: Poe, Finn and their roommate have been living in a harmonious tenancy, but when Finn decides to move out for a year of travelling, the two are left with no option but to look elsewhere for their third body. Rey Skywalker, a friend of the group, proposes her cousin for the role. He's in a band, wears all black and all in all is somewhat of a social reject - but he's also all theyve got.  

“I think that one was actually somehow worse than last weeks” You tell Poe, as he pours himself a juice and settles down next to you on the sofa. You'd just finished showing around another possible roommate and you felt exhausted in every sense of the word. 

“How can he be worse than the neo nazi?” Poe shot you an unbelieving look and rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and knocking some of your papers in his wake. 

“Alex was a she, and they asked if they could hang their deer head in the front room” you grimaced even thinking about it, weren't all artsy college students supposed to be vegetarians anyway? why did you have to get saddled with the only blood thirsty one on campus. 

“Thats not so bad”

“Poe she showed me a picture of her taxidermied cat”

“Oh”

You had tried to find a polite way to stop her from passing you her phone, but you were too nice to make her feel uncomfortable, and now the image of the long dead tabby would remain behind your eyes for god knows how long. 

“was she hot?” You shook your head, causing Poe to sigh wistfully. 

“Not hot enough to cancel out her obsession with dead bodies anyway” you informed him, the hopeful look from his eyes gone. 

“Face it Poe, were doomed” You let your head fall into your hands, Poe letting out a laugh before wrapping his arm around your shoulder. 

“Hey we’ll get someone! who wouldn't want to live here?” You knew his question was rhetorical but when looking around the cleaner than usual flat, you had to admit it was missing something. Bare spaces on the walls from where Finn had taken down his pictures, the empty side of the kitchen counter that had once houses his overpriced coffees. You even missed picking up his empty cups after him, the room feeling like it had less character without them. It truly hadn't felt the same in the flat since Finn had left, and although Poe concealed it well, you could see it was getting to him too. Poe had, after all, known Finn first; Finn managing to get a very drunk and outspoken Poe out of a sticky situation he had found himself in when running across a local gang in a dive bar. The ‘first order’ as they so called themselves, had an infamous reputation around campus for being trouble makers and general doers of bad deeds. Ever since that night they had been an unstoppable duo, until they met you of course, and their duo became three. 

You loved Finn, and you knew told miss him like hell, but you also knew that Poe must be feeling that ten times over. 

“You wanna do something tonight?” You asked, changing the subject before his mind  drifted to where yours had. 

“what kind of something?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, 

“Gross” 

“hey I'm serious!”

“what about Razor Crest, they are open late, we could grab some drinks and meet up with some people” 

Razor crest was the only worth while bar in town; it was certainly nothing to write home about, but it played fairly decent music and it had a marginally less sticky floor than others. Additionally, your other friends lived just over from the humble saloon, making it the perfect watering hole for you guys. 

It didn't take much convincing before you had Poe out the door and ready to socialise. Upon arrival, he headed to the bar while you were waved over by Rey, who had already found a booth and was already at least a few drinks in. 

“Look, i think i have a solution to your roomie problemo” She told you, peeking over her straw, a gleam in her eye that made you feel not all too confident in her yet to be spoken plan. 

“Go on” you told her, cautiously. 

“My cousins back in town” She told you between gulps. 

“The weird one?” You asked, 

“Hes not weird, just ...eccentric” the last word was more of a question, but you could tell she was on a roll, 

“He's just joined one of the college bands and Auntie Leia says him and Uncle Han are butting heads” 

“ah cool, weve always wanted  live music in our own flat at 2 am” Poe injected, rejoining the table and placing a drink in front of you before taking a sip of his own. 

“hes not BAD at it, he just plays loud i think” She corrected him, “anyway, he's not a total twat, I'm sure he would be considerate of your sleep schedules” 

“didn't he try and stab you with a stick when you were five” you asked her, you'd heard stories of this cousin before and none of them were quite savoury, 

“that was ages ago! he's like way old now” she was starting to slur her words, but you had a feeling this was something Rey was quite set on. Rey was stubborn, and when she got something in mind she would move hell to make it happen; she was also your best friend, and someone you trusted the judgment off. Had she gotten you into some weird shit in the past? sure. 

Did you have any other options; nay on that. 

“Fine, get Han or Leia to bring him round at some point next week and one of us will give him a tour” You tell her, and she lets out a little happy shrill at her own personal win. Poe, not so much. 

“Speak for yourself, weirdo cousin can see himself around” he crosses his arms and pouts, you give him a little nudge. 

“Hey, maybe you'll be best mates” you offer, but when he shoots you a death stare you go back to your drink.

The family turmoil must have been more vicious than Rey had let in on; It was barely the next morning before you had a tall, intimidating male knocking on your door. 

“Hey!” you offered him, in as cheery a voice as your hung over self would allow.

He looked down at you from his towering height, but gave no verbal response. 

“You must be Ben?...”  He offered you the slightest nod you'd had ever seen in response. Okay so, not much of a talker, noted. 

You waved him in, shutting the door behind him. God, he looked even bigger inside? is that possible? Rey had failed to mention the sheer height on the boy. You'd seen pictures of her and her aunt and uncle, it seemed like Ben was a scientific and biological mystery. Like how did he get clothes to fit? did he have to shop somewhere special or

you were snapped out of your thoughts by a clearing of a throat. 

“So, how much is the rent” so he DID have a voice, 

You informed him automatically, still part dazed. 

“Ill be in by the weekend” he told you, and with a nod he moved past you, making his way back to the door.

“But wait .. y .. you haven't even seen your room yet?” You stumbled, dumbfound by the lack of foreplay. The previous people you had shown around were full of questions; they wanted to know the ins and outs of the place. Ben had seen all of the door way and the front room and he was already signing the lease. 

“See you then” he didn't stop, hand on the door knob as if you hadn't spoken.

“But i don't have your phone number” you don't know why that came to you first, but it was true. At no point had Rey offered you direct contact with Ben, probably assuming he would. It seemed reasonable, that you'd need his number before he moved in, didn't it? Poe was always texting you about random shit in the flat, arguably too much, but it seemed like the norm for people coexisting in such a small space. 

He turned back at you and gave you a confused look, 

“why would you need my number?”

“erm... to talk to you” your condescending tone not completely masked, 

“but ill be living here” he stated, which, he had you there. 

Before you could even think of a response  he was out the door.

True to his word, Ben had his things over by that very same weekend. Although it was unsurprising considering just how light he packed. In fact, other than his bass and musical equipment, you couldn't really think of anything he had actually brought with him to the flat. You got to meet his parents when they dropped him off, both of whom seemed leaps and bounds more conversational than their son. Ironically, you got Leia’s phone number before her sons; her telling you to message if you ever needed anything. It felt like an indirect jab at Ben, a ‘if he fucks up let me know’, but you digress. The tension between Ben and his dad was blatantly obvious, them sharing no words before he got back into the car and Ben into the house. He did give his mum a small hug goodbye though, and you thought you saw a small tear in her eye before she managed to wipe it away. 

Since his move in, Ben had kept painfully to himself. You barely saw him at all in those first days, just heard him through the walls the odd time he dropped something - or saw a plate or cup gone from their places in the kitchen. To be honest , it felt more like a paranormal haunting than a new roommate. Poe was vocal of his apprehension to the situation, sharing glances with you when you would both be in the living room and you'd see ben scurry by or passive aggressively texting you when his favourite cup had been used by someone who wasn't him. it was a relatively small issue, but Poe had blown it so out of proportion that you had ordered a new set of cups from Amazon and sent him the link, shutting him up for a while before he found something else to complain about.

it was the fifth day before you actually bumped into ben again. He was on the sofa with his base set up, twiddling with his amp. The sight surprised you so much you physically jumped back, causing him to look up. crap. act cool. act cool. 

“hey” you offered him

“hi” hi replied back, looking back down at his amp. 

right, yer. his space, give him his space. Just get your stuff and go back to your room. don't speak to him, leave him alone. he clearly wants to be left alone. 

“nice day isn't it” you wanted to cover your mouth, the words coming out against your will. Truthfully, you had no clue why you said it. You hadn't even looked at the weather this morning. Its just what people say right? 

“Erm” his eyes shot to the window and then back to yours,”no”

sure enough, it was pissing it down outside. The sky was actually comically grey and you'd have laughed if you werent so angry at yourself. You were unsure of what to do, and he was still looking at you, almost assessing you. His eyes were so serious and dark they felt like they were burning tiny holes into your skin. shit, you had to speak now right?

While regretting every single life decision that had brought you into this kitchen at this time, Poe sauntered into the room like your night in shining armour, ignoring Ben all together and coming straight over to you, placing a big arm around your shoulders. You saw Ben drop his head back down to this bass, and you used all your might to not let out a sigh of relief.

“Tonight, I'm taking you out” He offered, a cheeky gleam in his eye. 

“Are you now” 

“Razor crest, drinks and dancing, be there or be square” He lists off as if he's a paid promoter, causing you to let out a giggle. 

“Whos invited?” 

“just the gang” he said, causing you to shoot him an eye roll, knowing full well you ‘gang’ consisted of all of three people, yourself and Poe included in that number. 

but then you remembered, there was another person now, whether they liked it or not. Poe’s eyes followed yours to Ben and then back to meet yours again, you saw the realisation change to disgust, as he shook his head silently at you. 

you knew this look, the ‘don't you dare’ look, the ‘not in 1000 years’ look. But you couldn't help it, your lips were moving before you could stop them for the second time this morning. 

“Are you free tonight, Ben?’

The look of sheer betrayal on Poe's face made you wince, surely he'd understand right? he knew you well enough to know your verbal diarrhoea  problem. 

Ben didn't even look up, but he did let out a small laugh that felt quite antagonistic. 

“i dont go to Razor Crest” 

“i don't go to razor crest ugh” Poe mocked, causing Rey to let out a hysterical giggle, and you a sigh. 

You'd been out for all of three hours and you were all already feeling the effects of the alcohol. It was late and the bar was jam packed with students all raring to go. Poe had been making eyes at one particular red head  almost all night and you were half surprised he hadn't already made his move. Poe put out, it was a fact. You and Finn had at one time made a fridge chart for him, a gold star awarded every time he brought  girl home. Whether the goal was to make him feel proud of his conquests or embarrassed, you still weren't 100% sure, but after a month or so you had both lost count and given up. You told yourself it didn't bother you, that he was just a friend, and that he owed you nothing, but every time he left you at the bar for another girl something stung inside; something you pushed deep down but regrettably was still there none the less. 

Sure enough, as the night progressed, you and Rey ended up fending for it alone, and instead of feeling sorry for yourself you decided to do the responsible thing and drink more. 

After the third round of shots, Rey calls it in. 

“I think I'm gonna be sick” she tells you sheepishly, and you can't help but belly laugh in response. She starts to shuffle towards the door and you go to follow.

“Hey don't leave on my behalf” she tells you earnestly, but you wave her off. 

“Nah I've had my fill, I'm starting to forget which flat number i live at” you tell her, causing her to giggle this time. 

You both stumble out the bar, past the smokers and up the cobbled road towards her flat. She unlocks her door and lets herself in, not before giving you a drunken hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. 

As you ready yourself to make your way back to your own flat, you come back past the bar entrance; a particularly prominent cobble causes you to trip ever so slightly and gain a whoop from a group of boys who were passing round a box of marlboro straights. 

You suddenly realised just how dark it was and just how alone you were. Most nights you wouldn't stay out this late, and if you did, then you'd normally be walking back with finn. You let out a shiver, a mix of both the cold night air finally breaking through your drunken daze and a smidge of fear. The Razor Crests entrance lights were getting progressively further away, and although you know that you only had a maximum of a half mile walk back to your home, it felt like ample distance to get kidnapped or murdered in, most probably both. 

How many true crime stories started with a young drunk girl, scantily clad and out alone at night? You could hear the police reports now, which photo would they use? you prayed it would be a hot one, at the very least one after your thin brow phase. 

Being literally bumped back into reality, in almost a cruel humorous way, you felt yourself walk head first into a figure, their arms coming out to catch you as the sheer momentum bounced you back. 

Oh god, I'm dead. I'm literally going to die.  

“Hey, chill out” The voice made your heart beat both slow and race again, 

“Ben?!” you shrieked, voice hoarse through pure anticipation of your thought to be demise 

“Are you okay” he asked, and only then did you realise you were shaking like a leaf. 

“Im fine” you let out in a small voice, looking down at your shoes. You could feel the redness in your cheeks through pure embarrassment alone. This was not an ideal situation for him to see you in, and you kind of started to with that he had been a murderer, at least then you wouldn't have to deal with the second hand embarrassment in the morning. 

“What are you doing out here”

“why are you out alone” 

you both asked simultaneously,

“I was coming out for a smoke” He told you, flashing his tobacco pouch at you from inside his coat. His very warm looking coat, might you add. Another shiver ran down your body. 

“Im coming home from Razor Crest” you tell him, trying to be matter of fact but slurring your words just enough to spoil the show. 

“Yes obviously, but why are you alone” he shoots back in some what of a patronising tone, it wouldn't sit well with sober you and it definitely doesn't go down well with drunk you. 

“Im a big girl” 

“clearly” he makes, making extra sure to look you up and down from his towering distance above you, causing you to huff. 

“well i can take care of myself” 

“you shouldn't be out alone around here, its not safe” he ignores your response, looking you dead in the eye. 

You feel something inside you flutter, a warmth that you can't quite control. Okay, ben might be weird and a bit annoying it would seem, but he was handsome, thats for sure. The limited light danced off his strong features and dark shaggy mop of hair, making him look both dangerous and appealing. 

As if you were standing here mentally flirting with the idea of being with Res cousin; you made a mental note to punish yourself for the ludicrous thoughts in the morning. 

“Okay well I'm going home now” you tell him, attempting to push past him, but his large hand finds its way to your forearm and pulls you back,

“yes, you are, come on” If what he said before was patronising, he was now speaking to you like you were a dog he was walking. 

“go have your nicotine, ive got this one covered” you tell him with a mock salute, causing him to roll his eyes. He lets go of your arm and you take your win, trying to step confidently away without falling. You're proud of yourself for handling the situation when you realise he's following all  of 10 steps behind you, rolling a cigarette in his hands while holding a filter between his teeth. 

when he catches you looking, he nods down to his hands, 

“want one?” he mumbles between his lips, still holding the filter pride of place. 

“no thanks” you snap, picking up pace. 

Ben smirks at you, but you miss it, too focused on not embarrassing yourself and keeping your feet in line. 

#Star Wars #Star Wars imagine #star wars modern au #kylo ren #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x reader #Ben solo #ben solo x reader #ben solo x y/n #poe dameron #poe dameron x reader

[snorlaxlovesme]

full thoughts on the chaos walking movie? I want to hear more about it lol I haven’t seen it yet

it just...it felt like TKONLG but without EVERY GOOD PART, you know?

scene-wise, the closest individual scene we had to anything in the book was maybe the scene where Viola read Todd’s mother’s book to him? (even that wasn’t the same bc that was also the scene where we find out he’s illiterate, and he lets her read it right away, so there was no deep-rooted embarrassment about not being able to read). also it happened in Farbranch. BUT, like it captured the emotion of the OG scene a little, where Viola is reading to Todd and he’s hearing his ma’s words and getting emotional about it.

but all the stand-out scenes from the book, i.e. saying goodbye to Ben and Cillian, meeting the girl and getting hit in the head with a branch and bandaging her anyway, ALL of the Aaron fights, the bridge, the massacre of Farbranch, the song of Here, the Spackle, Todd’s illness, the waterfall scene, Haven, NONE of that was in the movie. so imagine all the really important and powerful moments gone

also all the overarching themes? those are gone too. todd becoming a man is  HUGE deal in the books. even in his horrible awful town he just wants to feel like he BELONGS and he’s the one person in the entire town being ostracized. two of the biggest secrets in Todd’s whole world are kept from him for the majority of the book because he’s “not yet a man”. it’s important to him. and once todd realizes the connection between Prentisstown maturity and murder, he spends the rest of that book WISHING he could be a killer. wishing he could have that kind of strength and seeing himself weak for not being able to kill. 

all of that?? gone. movie!Todd often chants the familiar “I am Todd Hewitt” (and sometimes “be a man”) when he’s nervous or trying to cover something in his Noise, and has a little tiff with Ben and Cillian at the beginning of the movie bc the Mayor sees Todd as a man while Ben and Cillian do not. (that’s a weird little bit though bc the movie never really explains why the Mayor had such an interest in Todd). but that’s about it in terms of coming-of-age material in the movie. and about murder. seeing as he doesn’t. kill. the. Spackle. let that sink in.

also like. the Noise is shown as a CONCEPT but not as a theme. the THEME of Noise is that, and I quote

“In this world of information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed.”

or perhaps

“Knowing a man’s thoughts ain’t knowing a man.”

or even

“Knowledge is dangerous and men lie and the world changes, whether I want it to or not.”

in this movie, Noise would be described as like. a nuisance at worst and a superpower at best. you can hear most of every man’s thoughts in the movie, though not a constant, never ending stream. just just bits sporadically at either plot-convenient or comedic times. the Mayor (and at one point Ben, and at one point Todd) uses his Noise to construct illusions around people kind of similar to that Jake Gyllenhaal villain in Spiderman: Far From Home. 

but neither of these two main examples really SHOW the themes that Patrick Ness showed us in the books. that Noise is powerfully ANNOYING; that it can quickly break down relationships between groups of people; that it can be manipulated making large lies still possible.

like, remember when in the books, Todd and Viola get to Farbranch and poor Todd is absolutely GOBSMACKED that 1. the women are ALIVE and 2. the men and women are living together?? in harmony?? what the eff?? and you see Hildy in Tam’s Noise and just how much they genuinely love each other and Todd is like “damn we ain’t in Prentisstown anymore Manchee”. and you can just see based on the contrast that Prentisstown people are a whole different breed compared to the kindness of Farbranch?

in the movie Todd has a few moments of inner dialogue where he’s like “oh man that’s a woman. that’s nuts” and then we move on. his world should be turned upside down here and its not. and the difference between the two towns is that they kinda just made it seem like, yeah, Noise is annoying so we have the men sleep separately from the women so we all get a little peace, and it’s fine. that’s how Farbranch deals with it. it all just feels very blasé 

(i can’t remember specifically where this happens, probably either in Farbranch or cutting back to the Prentisstown men getting ready to march, but at some point a leader ends up saying something to a crowd of people and you can see how just one sentence spreads through an entire group of men and how they all start amplifying it and getting more and more panicked and i did think the mob mentality was cool. it reminded me of the beginning of The Ask and the Answer were the Mayor is addressing the citizens of Haven and you get that moment where the whole crowd flinches over the words of one man.)

and in all of this I’ve barely mentioned Viola. my wonderful girl. how they’ve massacred her story. god.

all of Viola’s development for the first half of the book is tanked from the start bc you SEE the crash, you see her stealing food from Ben and Cillian’s house (that’s the inciting incident of the movie), she talks to the Mayor in Prentisstown almost immediately after Todd finds her and his Noise helps everyone locate her, she talks to Todd a lot before getting to Farbranch after they escape Prentissown. the book does a LOT of work for Viola by having her mute and scared for the beginning and slowly showing how she comes to trust Todd. and how even after their incessent bickering in Farbranch they still choose to escape together because they know the army is after them specifically and they’re all the other has. that progression is really important in the book, as well as afterwards when we see how snarky Viola can actually be when speaking, how she thinks this entire planet is BACKWARDS and she can’t wait til her ship comes and shows them a thing or two about how to live.

movie Viola, well. she wants to find a way to communicate with her ship. she’s under the impression that since her scout ship crashed they’re gonna assume she’s dead and leave her behind. even though the Mayor brings up the settlers a lot after he learns about them, Viola curiously never really brings them up in any other context besides they need to come and get her. like it really made it sound like she planned on calling them, having them scoop her, and then they’d all just fucking leave, i guess. i don’t know what her end goal was besides CALLING HER PEOPLE which became the main point of the movie. the Mayor trying to find Todd and Viola so he could....use her to contact the ship?? that was also kind of unclear. and Viola trying to get to a communicator possibly so she could get the hell out of dodge. idk if that was her actual plan, but it was certainly what Todd was thinking, enough to where I was wondering if he was going to sabotage her mission in order to force her to stay (yeah. yeah. he had that energy about him and it was grosss)

and quickly, since all the animals couldn’t talk the way they do in the book, Manchee was more of a cute prop than anything. i could have gotten over it if he was useful in any way, but he never even like attacked a dude to save Todd or anything like that. so when he died it was sad on a dog-level but not a character level, since besides sitting next to Viola like twice while she cried he really added nothing to the story. also the shock of animal death was greatly reduced already since Todd’s horse that he used to escape Prentisstown from got a broken leg after he rode him off a cliff, so Todd used the knife (off-screen, thank god) to put him down. so Manchee getting killed was kind of lessened a little since my man Whiskey got nixed like 40 min earlier in the film.

this is getting long so I’ll cut it here since I’m gonna probably post about this a thousand more times. but yeah. if you watched it completely divorced from the books you would probably think “that was a cool concept but also what was the point of any of that” which is basically what most people thought based on the review headlines i’ve read. and if you are an avid book fan you’re gonna think you’re watching something else entirely.

#chaos walking #chaos walking movie #cw movie #chaos walking spoilers #violaeade #long post #ill def be posting about this more bc its all ive thought about for days #@ everyone i am always willing to discuss chaos walking #if you wanna send me an ask or DM me im open for business #kelly got an ask

[madlilsongbird]

Watching The Amazing Spidernan movies so that I’m all caught up before No Way Home. Will add my thoughts as I have them. Note I am not some big Spider-Man fan nor have I read the comics so if my thoughts sound kinda stupid they probably are.

First movie:

That’s a good trick with the broom. Making a mental note as we speak.

Actually seeing Peter say goodbye to his parents is horrible and I would like to never experience it again

SALLY FIELD IS AUNT MAY?! Why does this one have the good cast? (not good as in better but good as in more well known)

The sexual tension in “good morning flash…good morning Peter” (this is a joke I’m not shipping him with his bully)

Jesus roid rage much?

Shut your blinds! I don’t know who would be looking in your window at this exact moment but close them anyway!

First careful, you never know who is watching what you search (when did I become this person)

Second…curt connors is ableist.

Poor Rodrigo Guevara

Oh internalised ableism. And that is the only comment I will make going forward because my disabilities do not include limb difference and I dont want to overstep.

Stop following the man, you are not subtle…wait wtf how’d he do that?!

This is where he gets his powers right?

Okay but when would 5 men make that much of a fuss over a woman that only 1 of them seems to know?

Same. (This is in reference to smashing the alarm clock)

Oh my god is it really necessary to show all the different kinds of spider bites.

Actually just going back to the internalised ableism thing…he is allowed to feel whatever type of way about his own disability that is his right. But insinuating that all disabled people are weak and wanting to breed out the weakness is eugenics and just kinda gross. THIS is the final comment I will make on the matter.

No but seriously he is way more aggressive than regular teen boy aggressive so either he’s on something or he’s overcompensating for something

The way he looks at him doe (again all jokes am not shipping flash and Peter)

Why is this so awkward? And not like teens navigating a crush awkward just genuinely awkward. I feel no chemistry between them.

I like the song, it’s an interesting choice for this scene but I like it.

Stop does uncle Ben die now? Like I know uncle Ben dies at some point but I was really kinda hoping he just wouldn’t in this iteration. I was going for a ninth doctor moment “just this once everybody lives”

MOTHERFUCKER

God Sally is incredible

Don’t show me moments of Flash being human I might accidentally start shipping them for real and that simply can’t happen.

Oooh he’s a fashion designer

I just really enjoy how he takes the piss out of his victims? Arrests?

Is Gwen aware that the school nurse can’t cure everything? Both legally and just like generally doesn’t have the knowledge to cure everything. She suggests going to the nurse a lot.

This family gives me bad vibes

This is a long movie…it’s not even half way through

Well that’s one way to tell her

NOT GEORGE FOYET!

I think with what I remember of SpiderTobey and what I know of SpiderTom, Andrews Spider-Man is definitely better with the people he’s rescuing. Smoother, good bedside manner.

His sons name is Jack. Why does that make me angry?

So he’s just not gonna rescue the other people hanging off the bridge?

It’s almost poetic that the son of the man tried to stop him the first time will be the one to stop him now

Now how is he getting enough power in the sewer

No means no Peter

Does she die in this one or the next one? I don’t imagine her dying will help captain stacey see him as a good guy

Stan 🥺

This movie is exhausting and I don’t know if I mean that in a good way or a bad way.

MoThEr HuBbArD aRe YoU sErIoUs

He managed to get three whole words out and you didn’t think to ease up on the trigger a little to hear what those words might be?

She’s very clever and I will be sad to see her go

That wasn’t her scream. Or it was but from a different take.

Foyet about to be coming in clutch

I’m going to cry.

He’s so ugly. Some lizards are really cute but lizard + human, kinda gross looking.

Well shit. I didn’t know that happened. I guess what I said about him being upset with Peter about Gwen is irrelevant. Unless it isn’t, like if you believe in the afterlife, imagine how pissed he’s gonna be when Gwen arrives.

He finally got the eggs 🥺

As someone who’s boyfriend at the time didn’t go to her fathers funeral I feel ya Gwen. I mean I don’t care now but at the time it sucked.

Dr Connors was just in a silly goofy mood. He seems to show genuine care for the boy (this is mostly sarcasm).

Second movie

Oh we’re going back to peters dad.

How do they have access to a private jet?

Miss Honey is badass

Ngl I’m actually quite relieved they both died before the plane crashed. Stil devastating though.

Okay so this is first up on the list of potential mystery villains in No Way Home…he looks like a tool.

HeLLo PeDeStRiAnS

He really just let Spider-Man put his hand on his tongue. Sir do you know where his hand has been? Not to mention just in general the feeling of spandex on your tongue. I feel ill.

No respect for the proper care of plutonium.

Please don’t ever say “come to daddy” again 😂

I’m kinda sad Jamie Fox becomes a villain, his character seems kinda sweet so far from the 2 seconds I’ve seen of him

You mean to tell me he missed his girlfriend’s fathers funeral AND her valedictorian speech?!

Stan x2 🥺

Because you can’t lose me you’re going to lose me? 😂

I love her jacket

Why are they still pretending like she doesn’t know?

I may have spoken to soon about Max

See I would be speeding up daddy’s death if he told me he’d passed down a genetic disease and just decided not to tell me.

Friendship.

Okay max is still a little bit nutty but you gotta feel bad for the guy. He must’ve been so scared.

Don’t smile that’s not cute, if he was a regular boy you’d file a restraining order.

Oh I see Spider-Man is gonna fight him which will make him turn and become the “bad guy” whether he will actually be a bad guy is still unknown.

This scene is actually kinda just making me angry (the time square scene)

Cops suck man. Peter was talking him down just fine.

Did nobody teach these people not to touch metal when there’s electricity about.

Interesting that I didn’t pick up any chemistry from them in the first movie weren’t they an actual couple for a while?

Another good song with an interesting placement

I’m sorry did the caller ID not say Mary Parker? How was it Harry on the phone?

Run Gwen!

This version of Harry is kinda creepy I’m sure the actor is swell but the character is terrifying. Original version Harry was swell whereas the actor is…

“Maybe everyone has a part of themselves they hide” gives him the eye

This movies shorter or at least it feels shorter

An excellent show of what happens when you tell a rich daddy’s boy no for the first time.

This makes me very sad. She’s so excited for the possibility of Oxford.

As much as Harry disturbs me, I want him to burn his entire team.

His daddy really did love him!

I think it’s mostly his eyes, his behaviour can be explained by trauma (why I find Harry creepy)

Okay most of his behaviour. The taking joy in killing people that’s just him being nutty and not a trauma response.

This is fucked up. And where is Peter? he is off chasing a girl who has broken up with him twice now.

PLANES NEED THE POWER!

I really like SpiderAndrew, the movies are fine but as a character I thoroughly enjoy him

Sorcerers apprentice who?

Captain Stacy can’t blame him! She’s clearly stubborn as hell and her own free woman

I quite literally stopped breathing (in reference to the almost plane crash)

Is this why they made it Gwen and not MJ so that he could kill her and be an actual bad guy? From my little knowledge of the comics and what I’ve seen from the movies Harry would never hurt MJ so it had to be someone else important to Peter but not super important to him for him to a real bad guy

I like that Harry actually looks like a goblin.

What was the disease he’s supposed to have?

This poor family. I know I said they gave me bad vibes in the first movie but nobody deserves this.

He looks less like a tool with his suit on…but only slightly less

Baby you better get back behind that baracade!

Nobody talk to me I’m very emotional. This child looks very much like a magical mix of all 3 of my brothers put together and seeing him stand there so brave but so scared is doing something to me.

Final thoughts:

So I think SpiderAndrew might be a close second favourite for me. I like the relationships of the original the most, the comedy of the mcu version the most but this one was like a nice in between. Im a little disappointed there won’t be a third not cos I think I would have enjoyed it just cos the original had 3 movies, the mcu version will have at least 3 movies and this one is left out with 2. Don’t think I would have loved Shailene Woodley as MJ though so I dunno. I think the only thing I would have wanted from a third movie is to know who fedora guy is…and for Peter and May to acknowledge that they both know that he is Spider-Man. Apart from that it was fine and I now feel fully prepared for No Way Home.

#the amazing spider man #the amazing spider man 2 #the amazing Spider-Man #the amazing Spider-Man 2 #the amazing spider man spoilers #andrew garfield #emma stone #sally field #criminal minds #george foyet #spider man no way home

[tailorvizsla]

A Proper Mandalorian Courtship: Chapter 7

Title: Calm Before the Storm Pairing: Paz x f!Reader (finally), mentions of Paz & various characters Word Count: ~10.1k Rating: PG-13 Warnings: References to illness, as well as the fear that someone might hurt themselves (but that’s as heavy as it gets), feelings, Paz With Children

📚 My Master List 📚

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 10

❤️❤️❤️ This beautiful moodboard is by the amazing @huliabitch! Thank you so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Tags: @hdlynn @ffiiggyy50 @princessbatears @ben-is-a-hoe @oloreaa @andromedanerds @phoenixhalliwell @mandhoelorian @dornish-queen @corrupt-fvcker​ @kazzilla​

[flashback]

Slouching in his chair, Paz stares out at the blue lights zipping by across the windows as they navigate the hyperspace lane. Exhaustion fills him down to the bone, yet he cannot find rest. When they come into range of the communication buoy, he sends a short message ahead to Doctor Shen and asks her to clear the hangar out. She does not ask questions.

In the half hour it takes to get home, Paz gets Zephyr’s things together – he grabs a spare set of clothes and does a quick spot-clean of his armor to get the worst of the filth off. After that, Paz returns to the cockpit and guides the ship into the hangar. The doors are shut and one of the people break off to leave, leaving behind Doctor Shen’s familiar white armor.

He opens the ramp from the cockpit and goes to check on Zephyr. His heart sinks as he steps into the room. The young man is sitting up, arms wrapped loosely around his knees, his glazed-over eyes staring blankly at the far wall. Paz kneels next to the bed, reaching out with a tentative hand. He places it gently onto his shoulder.

“Hey,” Paz says softly. “We’re back.”

Zephyr’s only response is a short nod.

“Doctor Shen is here,” he continues. “I want you to go sit with her for a bit while I deal with all this, alright?”

Another nod. Paz hands him the pile of clothes and sets the armor down next to him. Then he exits, turning the light on and shutting the door to give him privacy. At the bottom of the ladder, he finds Doctor Shen waiting.

“What happened?” Doctor Shen asks urgently.

“Something extremely traumatizing,” Paz says. “I need you to talk to him, just…I need to deal with this. I’m going to set up a cot for him in my room.”

Doctor Shen’s response is cut off by the sound of Zephyr’s feet hitting the top rung of the ladder.

“Hey, vod,” she says. “Let’s head to medical, and we can talk, alright?”

Zephyr turns to look at him. Paz nods encouragingly. Once Zephyr and Doctor Shen have disappeared, he turns his attention to the boxes and promptly decides it can be dealt with later. Right now, he needs to use his hands, to move and to not think. In the main hall, he finds Armorer waiting for him.

“What happened?” she asks as she falls into stride next to him.

“Can we talk somewhere more private?” he asks quietly.

“Yes, of course,” she says.

At his door, Paz types in the code, and lets Armorer in.

“What happened?” Armorer asks.

For the first time in his life, Paz is speechless. He turns to face her and leans his weight against the wall. He had tried to come up with a way to bring it up with Armorer, but now, he has forgotten everything he had wanted to say. He decides to just blurt it out. Well, there is no way to put this delicately, regardless.

“Liam didn’t die on Nevarro. He survived.”

The silence stretches on.

“You don’t seem surprised,” Paz says, his voice just above a whisper.

She understands the unspoken question.

“We never found his body,” Armorer says slowly. “Zeli looked for hours. When she brought back his helmet, I suspected he might have abandoned the Tribe. I did not want Zephyr to try and return to find his buir.”

He lets his head fall back against the wall with a dull thunk. One breath in, hold, and let it out slowly. His armor suddenly feels hot and itchy, suffocating him with its weight. His gut twists as he clears the emotion from his throat. Zephyr would have clawed his way back off the ship if he thought there was a chance his buir survived.

“Liam…Liam told us a grenade knocked him out. He said he woke up to a group of bounty hunters taking his helmet off,” Paz says. “He killed them just as Zeli came looking for him.”

“Do you believe he spoke the truth?”

He does not need to consider the veracity of Liam’s claim - deep down, he knows Liam had spoken the truth.

“Yes.”

“He did not abandon the Tribe,” Armorer says. “However, he knew what would happen if he returned. Did he know Zeli would likely be exiled alongside him?”

Paz nods once. He can still see Liam lying on that narrow cot, sick and barely clinging to life. Regret at not having said goodbye to his wife. Self-loathing. Fear. Yet as soon as Zephyr had pressed their foreheads together, it had all dissipated, like a wisp of smoke in a breeze.

“It would not have been just your decision to exile him,” Paz says.

Armorer nods once in confirmation. Like before, it would have been a Tribe vote. Given how high tensions had risen, they would have exiled the two of them on the spot without even thinking it through. Without thinking of the possible ramifications of their decision. Armorer folds her arms under her chest plate, watching him intently. Paz can feel his hands shaking, the adrenaline starting to wear off with the lack of movement.

“Where is Liam now?” she asks, but her tone indicates she knows the answer to that question.

“He was dying when we found him,” Paz says, unable to keep the sorrow from his voice. “He had growths that spread to his vital organs. Beyond what he could afford to pay.”

Armorer nods once more.

“What can I do to help?” she asks.

“Liam hunted until he could not continue,” Paz responds. “We brought his final offering back. I would really appreciate your help in going through it.”

“Of course,” Armorer says. “What about Zephyr?”

“I am getting him set up in the spare room,” Paz says. “I just need to clear it out.”

“I will go get him a cot,” Armorer says. “Do you know his door code?”

“No,” Paz says. “But I can get it from him later.”

Armorer nods and disappears. He starts moving again, losing himself to the repetition of lifting boxes and carrying them into his bedroom, trying to stop himself from thinking. From feeling. When it is completely empty, he takes a moment to breathe. Center himself. Collect his thoughts. Plan the next step.

Be strong for Zephyr, he thinks to himself. Be strong for Tribe. Be strong for those who cannot be.

Paz exits the spare room and glances out at the living space, which doubles as a workspace when he wants to be alone or needs to take his helmet off. Now, as he takes stock of the situation, the cold, harsh reality of the situation seems to sink in. Zephyr has always been such a gentle boy, always feeling deeply, always hurting when others hurt. He is still rash and impulsive, immature in some ways.

He also never had the best coping mechanisms growing up, even with Liam and Zeli’s guidance. He does not think that Zephyr might do something drastic, but Paz refuses to risk it. He unfolds another plastic crate. Balancing it on his hip, he goes from table to table, packing the various blasters and knives away. For the weapons that are still being rebuilt or cleaned, he removes the battery packs. He hides the firing mechanisms in a box and stuffs it behind linens in a cabinet.

In the kitchen, he starts pulling the narrow drawers open, tossing anything sharper than a spoon into the box. From there, he moves to the cabinets over the tiny heating unit. He has a modest collection of alcohol stored away. For a few seconds, he debates on whether to keep it, but then he remembers the bottles littering the clearing near Liam’s home. How many of those were used to self-medicate? To numb himself to the pain? Shaking his head, Paz reaches up and starts emptying the bottles into the sink, even the ones he has never cracked open before.

A tap at the door interrupts him.

“Come in,” he calls out.

Armorer comes in with a bag of linens in her arms. She is followed by Din and Terys. They roll the cot into the spare room and leave without a word. Paz checks the bathroom medkit, but he does not have any painkillers aside from a small packet of aspirin. Paz sends the door code to Zephyr and Doctor Shen, telling them to let themselves in if he is not back by the time they are finished. Once the bedroom door is locked, Armorer accompanies him back to the hangar. They stand in silence for several moments, looking at the boxes filling the cargo bay.

He reaches for the first battered crate and pries the lid off.

“Metal ingots,” Paz says automatically, lifting a bar of crude iron out of the box. “Looks like mostly iron and copper.”

He wheels it out to the main floor. From there, the two of them work quickly, going through the biggest crates first, sorting it into piles for easy moving and storage later. Liam had found several crates worth of raw metal for the Foundry. It was enough to keep their munitions cache stocked for nearly a year. In another crate, they find hard-to-get electrical components. The knives, blasters, ammunition, and explosives are moved off toward the end of the line. He can deal with it later. Much, much later.

They keep the chatter to a minimum as they sort through the smaller crates. It almost seems disrespectful to speak when dealing with a hunter’s final offering to the Tribe. The next few crates are filled with a variety of goods, ranging from rolls of leather to vacuum-sealed bags of spices and dried herbs. They are finally left with two wooden crates, both battered and worn. Paz grabs the crowbar and pries one open. The tool slips out of his fingers and clatters to the floor when he sees the armor within.

The cuirass is badly damaged, the paint worn away in some places and scorched in others. Near the karta bes’kar, the metal has been torn open to reveal the innermost electronic components. The cuisses and bracers are in worse condition. They look like they had been repaired with temporary patches, the silvery marks crisscrossing every surface. He’d been in many fights, all without an armorer to repair his beskar’gam. How had he survived so long?

Underneath the mismatched set of shoulder pieces, he finds Liam’s original right pauldron. It looks nearly pristine, save for the violent gouges where Liam had pried off the clan signet. Finally, at the bottom of the box, Paz finds the clan signet. He reaches for the mangled piece of metal.

“Leave it,” Armorer says, her sharp tone stopping him.

“Armorer?” Paz asks, watching as she reaches into the box. She picks up the signet and runs her thumb along the edge. Then she pockets it with a quiet sigh.

“Liam severed himself from his clan,” Armorer says.

Paz has heard of clans disowning or exiling members, but never the reverse. His gut twists when he considers how desperate Liam must have been to avoid including anyone else in his shame.

“And the rest of his armor?” he dares to ask.

“I will store it with the utmost respect until Zephyr is ready to decide what will be done with it,” Armorer says.

The last box is much smaller, and in even worse condition. Paz almost dreads what he is going to find inside. He lifts the lid and inhales sharply. Row after row of bes’kar ingots glitter up at him in the dull light. He picks one up. No Imp stamp, meaning it came from another source. Third-hand dealer? Battlefield scavengers? Armorer picks up a piece and turns it over in her hands. Then she raps it sharply against her bracer, causing the ingot to sing a familiar, sweet note.

“Pure bes’kar,” she confirms.

Paz picks up one of the heavier bags and opens it. Imperial credits. The next bag contains Calamari Flan. He goes through the satchels, pure ice filling his stomach at the small fortune Liam had sent back. For this kind of money, he had been taking some dangerous bounties, if not outright dealing with spice.

“He could have bought a bacta tank with all this,” Paz says, shaking his head in denial. “Hell, he could have bought ten…”

He trails off Armorer returns the ingot to the crate.

“I think that, in his sorrow, Liam truly believed that his death would redeem him in our eyes,” Armorer says softly. “That this – “ she gestures at the crates neatly organized out in the hangar “ – would make him worthy of our respect. Perhaps, even our forgiveness.”

Paz sits there for a moment, digesting her words. Even when they were young, Liam had always worried about the Tribe. He had always wondered if his offerings were enough to feed them and clothe them. He had always just worried, more than what any sixteen-year-old should have worried in a lifetime.

“I will store the money with Liam’s armor,” she says. “I know Liam said that this is a Tribe offering, but I would like to give Zephyr the opportunity to decide if he will keep a portion for himself.”

As Liam’s only surviving child, Zephyr has the right to keep it all to himself. Paz doubted the young man would want any of the money. He likely would only want his father’s armor, perhaps a bit of the bes’kar to put aside for his own children one day.

With this amount of money coming into the Tribe coffers, Paz knows he should be grateful. They will not need to worry about food or medical supplies for several years at least. Yet, he feels that pang in his chest worsen. Welcoming a Mandalorian warrior back into their ranks would have been a fortune to which no amount of money or bes’kar could ever compare.

If only there had been time, Paz thinks to himself desperately, time for tempers to cool. If only there had been more time.

Looking at the wealth surrounding them, Paz decides he would trade it all away in a heartbeat if it meant Zephyr could spend a few more hours with his buir.

He looks up as Armorer starts to leave.

“Armorer…”

She stops and looks to him.

“Is he…” Paz trails off. She watches. “Would Liam be considered…dar’manda?”

After a few moments, she speaks.

“Even with our strict interpretation of our oaths, we still show leniency to our members,” Armorer says. “Losing ones’ helmet does not make someone dar’manda. It is the willful abandonment of our heritage, our culture, and the Resol’nare that renders one unfit to join in the Manda when we pass on.”

She looks at the crates littering the hangar.

“He gave up everything he knew and loved to ensure his child had a future with us. He hunted to provide for his Tribe to the very end, even when there was no guarantee his offerings would be accepted.”

She lets the silence linger.

“If you are asking my opinion, Paz, then I would not have considered him dar’manda. He helped raise a warrior. He fought like one from the time he donned the helmet until he left us to go march,” Armorer says quietly. “He still had his soul, however much he had disappointed and shamed this Tribe. Would he have been welcomed back here with songs of glory? Certainly not. But with time, I think he could have restored his honor and earned our respect once more.”

Paz nods as an unexpected wave of relief fills him.

“Like many of us, he struggled to adhere to his path. He made terrible mistakes and he tried to rectify them in the only way he knew how – give all he had until the day he had nothing left to give. In the end, Liam was the only person who could decide if he was still a Mandalorian.”

Armorer tilts her head at him. Then she pushes the cart down the ramp. He watches as the little wheels clatter over the uneven seams in the concrete until she disappears. Paz sinks down onto the floor, one knee drawn up toward his chest, the other leg stretched out in front of him. He stares at the floor of the cargo bay, idly cataloguing all the little scraps of detritus that had fallen out of the boxes.

He should be grateful for Liam’s dedication to the hunt. He should be comforted that Liam and Zeli have reunited in the Manda. He should be happy that Zephyr had the opportunity to say goodbye to both his buire. Right now, all he feels is tired and empty, like someone has wrung his entire body out like a wet cloth. Paz lets his head fall back.

No matter how hard he tries to find his inner peace, he cannot stop his thoughts from racing. Is Zephyr okay? Would the kid let him talk to Doctor Shen? Hell, does Zephyr even want to stay with him? Shit. He probably should have asked first. Paz stares at the wall, trying to work up the will to move his body, but the heaviness in his soul weighs him down, threatening to pull him into his despair.

-

-

-

Peering into the hanger, you see that Paz is still sitting on the floor, his bulky blue armor barely visible from here. You don’t know what’s going on, but you know for a fact that the crates he has brought back are not the food and the medical supplies the Tribe is in need of. The others are bunched up behind you, clearly worried for him, so you turn to face them.

“I’ll go talk to him,” you say, volunteering yourself.

“He needs a stiff drink,” someone says. “I got a stash.”

“You di’kut,” you snap at him. “You know he doesn’t drink to cope. Maker, he needs someone with at least half-a-braincell.”

“Hey, it was just a suggestion, Shu’shika.”

“You all go make yourselves useful somewhere else. I hear that Hannah needs help with the kids.”

Predictably, the rest of the Tribe scatters like cockroaches, all hoping to avoid being voluntold into childcare duties. Shaking your head, you turn back to Paz. You gather your wits about yourself and edge into the hangar. Though you know he will not miss your approach, you make sure he can hear you coming. It isn’t until you kneel on the ground next to him that he looks up at you.

“Hey,” he says.

“What do you need?” you ask quietly.

His head falls back against the wall. In that moment, he looks like he has been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Surreptitiously, you glance over his armor and kute. Both are pristine. So Zephyr’s sorrow is not due to seeing combat on his first hunt. Something else had caused the two men this tremendous pain.

“Zephyr’s in medical,” Paz says tiredly.

“There is no force in this galaxy that could get between Doctor Shen and Zephyr,” you say gently. “I’m asking what you need, Paz. How can I help you?”

He looks up.

“Me?” he asks, almost sounding confused.

“Yes, you,” you repeat. “How can I help you bear the burden you carry right now?”

“I…” He trails off. “I don’t know.”

A wry smile crosses your lips, though he cannot see it.

“People don’t ask you that often, do they, hunter?” you whisper to him, your heart breaking cleanly in half for the warrior in front of you.

You wonder if anyone has ever shown him their appreciation for the difficult job he does. Does he view hunting as something he should not be thanked for? That it is something that he is expected to do, without consideration of his needs? How long has it been since anyone last helped him bear his burdens? Your throat tightens. You have been complicit in this – you have not shown him your kindness, nor your appreciation for what he does to care for the Tribe. Your heart burns with regret and sorrow.

You have called this man family, yet you have not taken the time to take care of him.

“No,” Paz says, at long last. “They don’t.” After several long moments, he continues, his voice heavy as lead in your ears. “It isn’t my place…to tell you what happened.”

You make a solemn vow to make sure no one else in this Tribe will ever be so woefully unappreciated again.

“Then tell me this, Paz. How do you feel right now?”

He lets out a mirthless huff of amusement.

“I haven’t failed this miserably at a hunt in almost twenty years.”

You tilt your helmet and frown.

“Was it a failure?”

“I set out for food and medical supplies,” Paz says tiredly. “I came back with none of it. I failed to provide for my Tribe.”

Ah, you think to yourself, that’s what is bothering him. Well, one of the things that are bothering him, at least. You gather your courage. You might have only known him for a few months now, but you have always secretly admired him. His strength. His dedication.

“Paz, do you really think that bringing back the wrong items means you have somehow failed us?” you ask quietly. Before he can answer, you dare to slip your own small hands around his, sandwiching his massive palm between yours. “You are so much more than just a hunter to us.”

He looks down at your hands. For a brief moment, you think he might tell you to let go, but he does not. Instead, his fingers tighten around yours. You have seen how strong those hands are, how easily he handles that massive cannon of his, yet he squeezes you with a gentility that makes your cheeks heat up.

“I know we’ve been Tribe for only a few months now, but in that time, you’ve made yourself our family,” you continue. “From day one, you looked after our children the same way you look after your own. You saw one child shiver in the cold classroom, and that was all it took for you to start waking up early enough to go turn environmental controls on.”

Paz tilts his helmet down, almost…shyly?

“Caring for the children is my job,” he says, his voice a bit gruff.

“By day four, you had every single one of our kids following at your heels,” you say in a faintly teasing tone. When his head tilted down further, you dared to continue, relishing in the warrior’s sweet embarrassment. “Gazing up at you in wide-eyed wonder, begging you to play with them.”

“They’ll do anything for sweets,” Paz muttered. “I didn’t do anything special.”

“Do you think so?” you ask. “You sat your shebs on the floor, let them all pile in around you, and taught them how to tie knots. In all those cables you spent hours organizing.”

“Learning is how a Tribe grows strong,” he counters stubbornly. “It’s my job.”

“On your next hunt, you went and picked out a small toy for each one,” you remind. “It took you so long to pick them out that you missed your return deadline by six hours. Is that part of your job?”

He sighs grumpily. A puff of laughter escapes you in response. He knows he has been caught. You forge on bravely, hoping that he will not think poorly of you for sitting here and spilling your innermost thoughts out to him. But he needs to hear it, you think.

His Tribe came from such dire straits. You do not know much of what they had gone through. Paz had not been forthcoming. All Dezha would say was that the rest of his Tribe was gone, with no presumed survivors. It was no wonder that Paz felt like he had to be responsible for every little thing. In a way, he kind of had been. He had been his peoples’ source of stability and strength, putting aside his own needs and wants to ensure the most precious members of his Tribe could thrive.

“No matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise, you are a respected and trusted figure of authority here. You are a leader, Paz. A teacher and caretaker.” You swallow. “You are dedicated to providing for each and every last person here, but you never ask for anything in return. We basically have to harass you until you tell us what you need. What you want.” He does not look up, nor does he refute your statement. He knows it is true. “We all do our part to ensure we remain strong, but you go above and beyond what is asked of you every single time. No matter what we ask of you, you give us everything you have. And I don’t think you have gotten the same back from us.

He stays quiet as he looks down at your entwined hands.

“That isn’t fair to you,” you whisper.

Then his strong fingers curl a little tighter around yours, sending heat shooting into your cheeks and making your breath hitch a little. Maker, you truly hope he did not hear that. How could holding someone’s hand make you so nervous?

“S-so please don’t ever think you are not doing enough for us, Paz,” you continue, stammering slightly. “Even if…even if we aren’t the best at showing you our gratitude…you are a trusted and cherished member of this Tribe. We care deeply for you.”

“You don’t need to show me your gratitude,” he says a bit gruffly. “This is my job, Shu’shika. Do yours the best you can. And that’ll be enough for me. For all of us.”

He still hasn’t let go of you.

“You do not need to bear this burden alone,” you say. “Let us help you. Let us take care of you, the same way you take care of us. I will – we will always be here to support you, Paz. That is what we do as a Tribe and as a family.”

“Once I can get this taken care of,” he says, gesturing at the piles of crates, “I just…I just need some sleep.”

“I can handle getting everything where it needs to go,” you say, volunteering yourself immediately.

“Can you handle those idiots?” Paz asks, tilting his head toward the doorway. “On a good day, I have to threaten to shoot them a few times before they will listen.”

“They probably enjoy threats of violence,” you say. “I have something more creative in mind.”

Paz lets out a huff of amusement, a low, rich noise that makes you grateful for the helmet on your head, hiding the way you are biting your lip and blushing cherry red.

“Alright,” he says. “Let’s go.”

Regrettably, you let go of his hand and climb to your feet. You lead the way out and make your way to the group of hunters loitering in the hangar. When you draw abreast of the group, you take a few moments to decide which hunter is best suited for which job.

“Terys, I need you to take the munitions to the Armory, please,” you say calmly, watching as his head turns down in your direction. For a brief moment, you wonder if he is going to give you sass, but in the end, he nods.

“Aye, Shu’shika,” he says, going toward the boxes at the end.

“Revala, would you please move the raw ores to the Foundry?” you ask.

“Aye,” she says. She goes off for the cart in the corner.

Your good luck ends there, unfortunately, and some of the others start to file out, clearly ready to ignore your requests.

“Neten, Lyras, I think that the two of you can handle the supplies going to the kitchen,” you say. “Hannah will need some help getting the heavier items moved onto the shelves.”

Lyras comes forward, but Neten turns away.

“Neten, come on,” Lyras says. “We have a job to do.”

“She doesn’t tell me what to do,” Neten scoffs.

All heads turn in your direction at the challenge issued by the much larger hunter.

“Neten, you do not have to do what I ask you to do,” you say calmly. “But let me remind you that I schedule childcare duties around here. If you choose to not help here, your ample amounts of free time will be spent in the nursery for the foreseeable future.”

Neten stares at you, clearly in shock at your threats. You really are not in the mood to fight right now, so you keep your posture as nonconfrontational as possible. Not only that, you’ve managed to leave your knife in your room again, so you have no weapons on your person. Neten then looks at Paz.

“She can’t do that,” Neten says to Paz. “Right? She can’t just decide – “

In that instant, Paz growls and his posture changes, making him look twice as big as he stalks forward. Even though Paz is only a few centimeters taller than Neten, he seems to loom over him, advancing with slow menacing steps until Neten shrinks back into the wall.

“Imagine the hell your life will become if Alor and Armorer find out you are refusing to do your assigned duties,” Paz growls quietly.

Neten decides to try his luck.

“But she has no authority over me,” Neten says, squaring his shoulders and giving you what you assume is a glare. “She can’t tell me what to do – “

Paz lifts his hand and places it on the wall right next to Neten’s audial, leaning in closer. Neten shrinks back against the wall.

“Well, guess what, Neten. I have decided that Shu’shika oversees you from now on. If she tells you to jump, you will do so, and then you will thank her for the privilege,” Paz says, in a soft, silky voice that makes your knees tremble. When Neten splutters indignantly, Paz jabs one finger into his chest plate, silencing his retorts. He continues in a heavy growl, “Do not test me again.”

Wisely, Neten turns his head down in a clear show of his submission. Paz lingers for another second to ensure Neten knows his place. Then Paz backs up a step, and the tension in the room dissipates entirely. In theory, you have always known that Paz’s position as Alor’ad means that he must have ironclad control over the hunters to keep them in line. Up until now, he has never had to prove that he has the biggest brass set in the room, so to speak.

Paz stares at Neten expectantly.

“I will do as I am told,” Neten says grumpily.

“You will do as Shu’shika tells you to do,” Paz corrects.

“I will do as Shu’shika tells me to do,” he repeats, though it sounds positively painful for him to repeat.

“Thank you,” you say politely.

“If any of these idiots so much as breathe in a way that offends you, let me know,” Paz says to you, ensuring everyone can hear him. He stares the crowd down for another moment, “I will come deal with the problem.”

No one dares to move. After a few seconds, Paz stomps off, clearly annoyed. As you watch after him, you realize the hunters are waiting for their orders, so you quickly finish assigning everything as fairly as you can.

For your duties, you grab some cleaning supplies and head into the Desert Lark to begin tidying up. It is not necessary, but you really would like to make things a little easier for Paz. You have a strong suspicion that Paz is going to go back out on a hunt. Given how strongly he believes his worth to the Tribe is tied to his offerings, you are surprised he is not already trying to refuel. Well, the least you can do for him is make it a little easier for him.

After a little subtle snooping, you find that Paz has been held up in medical for some reason or another. You know it has something to do with Zephyr. Your buir always said that every Mandalorian needs to take some time to themselves after enduring something stressful. Some go shooting. Others spar. Others yet meditate. You are not sure which of those would most likely appeal to Paz, but you do know he will neglect his needs to look after Zephyr. Veering off course, you go straight to the kitchen. It is closed for the night, but you figure Hannah won’t mind terribly if you reopen for Zephyr.

You put together a small but nourishing meal for him – a clear broth, hot and lightly spiced, with buttered bread and some pickled vegetables. You make sure to add some cookies from your secret stash of snacks so he can have something sweet to nibble on. For Paz, you grab some standard rations. As much as you would like to make something special for him, you get the feeling he would prefer as much normalcy in his routine as possible so he could focus on Zephyr.

Zephyr had that listless, almost catatonic quality to him, as if Doctor Shen’s hand at his elbow was the only thing keeping him upright. He has always been such a sweet and gentle young man, someone who has always hesitated to bring harm to another, even during sparring. Even though he tries to avoid babysitting duties as much as he can, he does make up for it by doing other chores around the place. Something has hurt him very deeply, and your heart aches for him. When everything is packed away, you send Paz a brief message asking if you can bring some food for the two of them. He agrees and meets you at the door. You hand the bag over to him.

“Thanks,” he says.

“If you or Zeph need anything else, we are here,” you say quietly. “Please don’t hesitate to reach out, vod.”

He glances back over his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he says, looking back at you. “I will keep that in mind.”

You nod once and turn back down the hallway, your thoughts slipping away from you. The next morning, you find a small box at your workstation. Frowning to yourself, you pick it up and open it. Inside, nestled in a ragged piece of burlap, you find a tiny carved loth-cat, barely bigger than a strawberry.

There is no note included, but you know it is from Paz. He is the only person who would ever go out of their way to find something so small and beautiful for someone he barely knows. Smiling to yourself, you put the tiny cat back into the protective box. You didn’t even know Paz had been paying attention while you were talking about how much you wanted a pet loth-cat.

Then you nestle the box into your pocket, a strange feeling taking root in you.

[End Flashback]

-

-

-

[Current]

Once your work for the day is complete, you check the time and find you have several hours before dinner. Normally, you would go see what other chores are available to you, but today, you consider doing something else instead. Something self-indulgent. Gnawing on your lower lip, you nervously put your tools away, sorting them into the right boxes and trays. Could you really skip helping the others, just so you can go see Paz? As you close the lid to your toolbox, you happen to look up. You jump a little when you see Armorer standing there.

“Armorer,” you say. “How can I help you?”

“I noticed you had marked your work for the day complete,” Armorer says. “I wanted to ask what plans you had for this evening.”

Ah, she needs help with something. Oh well, you think to yourself. It was a silly thing to think that you could skip for the day to go sneak in a few minutes with Paz. It had been a selfish thing to consider. Though, you do wonder how she had gotten here so quickly.

“I did not plan for anything tonight,” you respond. “Do you need something specific?” You are already reaching for your toolbox, but she cuts you off.

“Dezha was supposed to be helping Paz with the children,” Armorer says in a casual tone. “However, I need his help elsewhere. The children have been unusually unruly this week, and with Paz’s injury…” She trails off deliberately. “Would you be willing to help him?”

“Of course,” you say, the words slipping out of your mouth without hesitation. “I would be happy to help. Are we doing language lessons today?”

“No, no specific lessons today,” Armorer says. “We just need the children kept out of the way while the rest of us clean up the hangar.”

“The hangar?” you ask in confusion. “What happened - ?”

“Do not concern yourself with that,” Armorer says in a soothing tone. “Will you please help Paz?”

“Yes, absolutely,” you say, nodding. “I’ll head to the nursery now.”

“Excellent,” Armorer purrs. “I will walk you there.”

The walk to the nursery is a short one. It is past the normal work hours, yet you see no one else lingering in the hallways. Home is strangely empty. It almost unsettles you. Armorer keeps you moving at a brisk pace before she finally directs you into the nursery, physically blocking the doorway behind you. Paz is not wearing his armor – only his suit and padding – while he carries a child under each arm. It looks like he is in the middle of reenacting some science fiction scene in the middle of the toys, one foot poised over a pile of toppled blocks.

“Hey,” Paz says, as he sets the two children down. “What can I help you two with?”

“I need Dezha’s assistance with something,” Armorer says. “I brought Shu’shika as your backup.”

“Shushi!” Ola shrieks, throwing down a wad of wrinkled paper.

The little girl comes barreling over and throws herself at your legs. Immediately, you scoop her up onto your hip and tweak her nose. She has a rainbow of marker ink smears all over her face and arms. As you look at the other children, you see they are in a similar state, and you find yourself hoping that Paz had given them the water soluble markers to draw with.

“Ba’vodu!” Ellyn whines from the floor, “I want to play hunter and prey, please!”

“Sure,” Paz says.

“But your knee, Paz,” you say, coming forward a step.

“That little burn could barely be called an injury,” Paz scoffs. “Bacta took care of it in a few hours.”

Before you can think further on Armorer’s reference to his injury, Ellyn covers her eyes and starts to count. The other children scatter like leaves on the wind, scampering into their hiding spots. Paz looks around. Then at you. He comes to stand behind you. You give him an incredulous look over your shoulder. Tem comes skittering over and climbs up Paz’s leg. He scoops the child up against his chest and holds one finger up in front of his modulator as he sort of crouches behind you.

“Shh!”

You sigh quietly and stand there while Ellyn finishes counting. You are pretty sure there’s more of Paz hanging out from behind you than you actually cover up, considering how much larger he is.

Ellyn gets up and sprints to the other side of the room. She hits the timer and starts to race around the room, ripping the cushions off the couch and turning boxes over. The blood drains from your face as the already messy room becomes an actual disaster. From behind you, you can hear Tem and Paz snickering to themselves. You watch in fascinated horror as Ellyn finds all the children except for Tem and Paz. At this point, you think Paz has cemented himself as an oversized child.

“Tem!” Ellyn shouts. “Ba’vodu Paz! Where are you?”

At that moment, the timer goes off, and Ellyn lets out a noise of frustration. She kicks a stuffed animal out of her way. Paz steps out from behind you. When Ellyn sees them, her big brown eyes go wide with surprise. Then she lets out a scream of frustration.

That’s enough to set Paz and Tem off in a fit of hysterics.

“CHEATER!” Ellyn screams.

“We did not cheat,” Paz counters through his guffaws. “We hid behind Shu’shika.”

“But you can’t do that!” Ellyn wails.

Her lower lip wobbles and she goes off to sulk. Paz sets Tem down and he goes off to the pile of stuffed animals in the corner. You gingerly step through the piles of toys, still incredulous that the child had not noticed Paz hiding behind you. Well, she had probably focused on everything at eye level. And Paz…well, he is well above eye-level for most people in the Tribe.

As you are trying in vain to put some of the toys back where they belong, one of the toddlers comes forward on unsteady legs, holding a book up at you. Taking it, you find that it’s covered in something wet and sticky. When he wipes his nose with the back of his hand, you realize your fingers are covered in snot. A shudder of revulsion creeps up your spine.

“How about a story?” Paz asks the room at large, coming to your rescue.

“Let’s clean up,” you say, “Then we can all sit on the floor together.”

You quickly hand Paz the book and wipe the snot off your hand onto your pants.

“Clean up! Clean up!” Ellyn chants, rolling onto her knees. “Let’s clean up, everybody!”

The other children join in on the chant, organizing the piles of toys into their proper storage containers. You only have to corral the toddlers toward the right boxes a few times, while Paz gathers the drawings into a neat stack. From there, you settle into the chaos quickly. At times, it feels like the children are making a bigger mess than the one they are trying to clean up.

Surreptitiously, you watch Paz. You cannot help but to notice how good he is with the children. His voice is always gentle and patient. When they tackle him for a Paz Pile, he indulges them, playing for a few moments before redirecting them to the monumental task of cleaning up the playroom. The same snot-covered toddler picks up a toy ship and pats Paz on the leg. He crouches and wraps both hands around the boy’s waist.

“Alright, vod’ika,” Paz says gently. “Let’s jump up really high and put the toy away, alright?”

“Ba’vodu!” the boy squeals.

Paz lifts and the boy shrieks in delight. As soon as the others see what Ba’vodu Paz is up to, they go running over with their own toys, clamoring for their turn. Ola is halfway up Paz’s leg by the time you go to offer backup. Slowly, but surely, the room is tidied up and readied for tomorrow. Then Paz takes the book back to the seat. Ola scrambles out of his way before he sinks down.

Paz starts to read, his voice low and soothing. The story is about a beggar and a merchant. You don’t recall the exact plot points, but you do know the moral of the story is to always be kind to those in need. While Paz keeps the children entertained, you go gather up the last few toys and put them away.

Then you grab the broom and start sweeping up the crumpled tissues and candy wrappers. You purse your lips at the amount of candy he had fed them. Ah, well. If strille could be trained with positive reinforcement, so could children. As Paz gets further into the story, the littlest ones start to drift off, and you carefully nestle them onto the sleeping mats.

Ola’s buire are the first to come back for her. She presses her forehead against Paz’s shoulder as she yawns into her fist. Then she pats you on the knee as she stumbles to her parents. She is quickly scooped up and carried away. One by one, or sometimes in twos, the children go home with their parents, until you and Paz are standing alone in the empty nursery. Paz marks his place with a bookmark and puts it away. Then he gets up and stretches out a bit.

“Looks like we’re done with our assigned childcare for tonight,” Paz says. “Thank the Maker.”

“Yes,” you say, almost stammering. “Uh. Childcare.”

He tilts his helmet inquisitively, clearly having picked up on your anxiety. Before you can stop yourself, you speak up.

“Paz, what are you doing tonight?” you ask.

“I don’t have plans,” he says. “Why do you ask?”

“Want to ditch evening chores?”

“You want to ditch evening duties?” he asks, tilting his head the other way. “Shu’shika, people will accuse me of corrupting you.”

You laugh in response.

“I’ve done my fair share of double duties for at least ten years,” you respond. “How about it, Paz? Want to be irresponsible with me?”

“Yes,” he says. “Let’s go before anyone gets any ideas.”

The two of you go to the door. You peer down both ends of the hallway. Near the hangar, you can see people streaming loitering. One of them looks up and immediately turns around, grabbing a box. Weird.

“Okay,” you say to Paz, “Looks like they’re still working in the hangar.”

His hand settles at your waist as he peers down the hallway over your head. When the last person enters the hangar, you grab his hand and pull, leading him away from the others.

“Come on, let’s go,” you whisper to him.

You lead him away from the rest of the Tribe, muffling your laughter, sneaking from shadow to shadow like an oversized pair of misbehaving teenagers. At the main entrance, you find your plans to go pick berries thwarted by an incoming thunderstorm. You let out a noise of disappointment. Paz joins you outside as the wind picks up, the trees dancing and swaying as the pit-pat of rain grows louder. When you shiver, Paz’s hand settles at your waist, and he pulls you closer to him.

“Well, looks like we’re stuck inside,” you sigh to Paz, curling your face toward his shoulder, his torso blocking the worst of the cold.

“We can watch from here,” Paz says.

The first crack of lightning makes you jump, and as if the skies had been waiting for that exact moment, the rain begins to pour down in sheets. You can feel Paz tilt his head down to look at you. Rather than tease you, he runs his fingers against your back comfortingly. That is all it takes for you to melt against your warrior, eyes drifting shut as you dare to wrap your arm around his muscular waist.

When his other arm wraps itself around you, enclosing you in his tender embrace, you surrender immediately, offering no resistance to him. You can no longer deny what your heart has been screaming at you. You love Paz Vizsla. You’ve been in love with him for Maker-only-knows-how-long. As you listen to the steady thumping of his heart, you feel giddy and lightheaded, almost as if you are drunk on his touch alone. Then, his hand rises from your waist, his fingers settling at your jaw, making your breath hitch in your throat. Paz tilts your face up toward his gently. You rise onto your tip-toes to close gap, anticipation making your stomach flutter.

When only a handspan separates you from Paz, you think there could not have been a more perfect moment for this to happen, for you to finally kiss your warrior –

Then, suddenly, the door slams open, bathing the two of you in harsh, bright light. You and Paz freeze in place as the speaker starts to come outside.

“ – figure out how to make it look like there was actually a spill,” Din says, as he steps through the doorway.

When Din notices the intimate embrace you and Paz are sharing, he freezes, one foot in the air, and lets out a noise of pure despair. Dezha peers out after him and he inhales audibly. He grabs Din by the backplate and yanks him back, shutting the door behind them, but the damage has been done.

The warm pleasure that had once filled you is now gone, replaced with the mortification at having been caught in such a compromising position. Your buir would be so disappointed that you were sneaking off with someone and then being stupid enough to get caught trying to rub helmets with him. Your stomach drops straight through your feet. What if that had been Armorer?

“Shu’shika,” Paz says, in that low rumble of his, his hand falling to your waist once more, his intentions clear as day to you.

“What if that had been one of the children?” you ask softly. “What sort of example would we be setting for them?”

He tilts his head in confusion. Keldabe kisses are one of the few ways Mandalorians can show love and affection for each other.

“Paz, I can’t,” you say in a rush, “Not until we’re marr – I mean, not unless – “

You fall silent and exhale in frustration. You take a full step back, regretfully leaving that warm, wonderful place against him that smelled like leather and something woodsy.

“Paz, for my family…it’s not,” you stammer out.

“I will respect the boundaries you set for our relationship,” he says gently. “You do not have to explain anything to me.”

Our relationship? His words make your knees wobble dangerously. You take a deep, calming breath.

“I know I don’t have to, but I would like for you to know,” you say softly. “My family is conservative, Paz. Helmets only come off after the vows are exchanged. Touching each other the way we were…it is…generally discouraged.”

You swallow. Your refusal to engage in a lot of physical acts has made it difficult to find a partner. You hope Paz is willing to wait, but you do not blame him if he wants to move on.

“I know we are both adults, but I…I truly feel something for you, Paz. And I do not want you to be in a position where I might give you the wrong idea,” you stutter out, face flaming with heat. “For my tribe of origin, it’s…considered inappropriate. Not without stating my intentions.”

“…and what are your intentions toward me?” he whispers.

“Paz, I…I cannot give you my body without also giving you my heart,” you whisper, so softly you wonder if he can hear you. “I-I…I would want something permanent between us. Before any of that happens.”

He thinks for a moment.

“Would…Would it be alright if I called you cyar’ika?”

“Y-yes,” you whisper, hardly daring to believe that Paz wants to call you his cyar’ika after what you just told him.

“There’s something I would like to tell you,” he says. “Something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now.”

You nod to encourage him, and he clears his throat, looking away nervously.

“I’m not good with words. I’ve already forgotten half of what I wanted to tell you.”

You laugh a bit breathlessly.

“Don’t worry,” you whisper back. “Speak from your heart, Paz, and you will tell me what I need to hear.”

“I…I ah…feel something for you too,” he says. “For months now, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, all the effort you put into supporting the Tribe.” He clears his throat again, looking away shyly. “I can’t stop thinking about all the tiny things you do for me. The number of times you have stayed up to wait for me to return from a hunt. In case I need help. So, I won’t be alone another night. I have never had the privilege of having someone like you covering my shebs…and for so long, I did not see your devotion to me, the way you show me your affection each and every day.”

He swallows and reaches up with trembling fingers. A wave of tears escapes you as you tilt your face into his touch. Maker, you are falling apart at the seams. If he keeps going like this, you are not going to last long enough for him to get to what he is trying to tell you. His thumb brushes against the curve of your cheek plate, brushing away the tears he seems to know are coursing hot tracks down your cheeks.

“For years now, I’ve been holding off, waiting for the right time, waiting for the right person,” Paz says quietly. “Someone who will make me strong where I am weak. Someone who will allow me to be their strength where they are weak. Someone who will be my equal, here at home and when we hunt. Someone who will help me raise our future warriors.”

Your heart starts to pound so hard you fear Paz will be able to hear it hammering up against your ribs. Then your throat tightens up and you cannot hold the cascade of tears back any longer. They fall freely now. You just barely manage to turn off your modulator in time to hide your choked whimpers, equal measures of fear and hope filling you. Fear that he will turn you down, reject you for your decision to abstain from a physical relationship. Hope that he has come to see you for who you are. Hope that he understands. Hope that he will still want to share his life with you.

“May I hold your hand?” Paz whispers.

You place your shaking hand in his without hesitation, a choked sob escaping you, one that you know he registers. He looks down, staring at your tiny hand in his. His fingers enclose yours firmly, gently. Reverently. He clears his throat.

“When we are together, you fill me with such overwhelming joy and peace. For the first time in my life, I finally feel whole, like you’ve filled a void in my heart that I never even knew was there,” he whispers. “I can’t stop thinking about the loss that consumes me when we are apart. There are times when I am on a hunt and I cannot even sleep because I miss you so much. Every second we are parted, I long to return to your side.”

You nod vigorously, still trying to stifle the stubborn tears coursing down your face. He continues, shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other.

“You have always been the beacon of light that guides me home through the storm, cyar’ika,” he says. He places the flat of your palm against the karta bes’kar embedded in his armor. “One day, I would like to be the same to you.”

With those words, you promptly lose whatever tenuous control you had over your emotional state. You start to sob as you place your free hand over his, and draw closer, pressing your forehead against his chest plate. He draws you into a tentative hug, resting his chin atop your head. As you nestle into that safe place in his arms, you come to a realization that steals the breath from your lungs.

This is where you feel respected, cherished, and loved.

This is where you will raise your future warriors together, as equals.

Here, in his arms, you have finally found your home.

“Cyar’ika, I have always intended for this to be a permanent relationship,” Paz says. “I’ve been talking to Armorer about asking you to accept me in courtship, so I can do this the right way for you. So, I can give you a relationship that honors the paths we have both sworn to walk.”

You sniffle and nod, struggling to stifle your tears long enough to speak. At this point, you don’t care if he knows you are crying – there’s no way you can hide the shaking of your shoulders. Maker, who knew that Paz had such a way with words? You’ve known him for years now, yet you have only now just glimpsed the passion he’s kept locked up so deeply inside himself, hidden from everyone but you. And Maker, you want to feel every bit of the passion he has for you.

There had been just one other before Paz, someone you had loved with all your heart and soul. They had promised themselves to you, promised to wait until it was time to marry, and you had accepted their promise. Within weeks, they were pressuring you for more and more, attempting to convince you to turn away from the promise you made to yourself when you were sixteen. You have always wanted to find love with someone who loved you for your adherence to your faith, for your skills, and for who you are. Someone who would respect your desire to limit physical touch to only kissing, out of respect for your tribe of origin. They had promised you all of that, but it was a lie.

When they had pulled you in for a kiss, you resisted, yet they had forced it on you, their hands falling to grope you. You had ended the relationship on the spot. That unwanted touch had been a blatant violation of your trust in them and their promise to you. It had hurt to lose them, but they had made the choice to violate your boundaries and make you feel unsafe and unloved.

You truly love Paz, in that way that makes you feel dizzy and lightheaded. You are older now, more capable of seeing those warning flags that you had not recognized as a young girl. Paz has only ever been respectful and considerate, not a single inappropriate word or gesture escaping him. He has only ever treated you like an equal. Your heart swells with your love for this man, to the point where you feel you are going to burst with joy.

Now, you find yourself aching and wanting for this man so intensely that it frightens you. And that is why you know you have to hold back – right now, you aren’t sure you have the willpower to stop yourself from giving your kind, gentle warrior anything he might ask you for.

Hearing the way he speaks to you, the gentle tone, the way he asks for your permission to hold your hand and to call you his cyar’ika…you know he will respect you. That he will not ask you for what you cannot give him right now. That he will wait as long as you need.

“Cyar’ika,” he says softly.

You turn your modulator back on.

“Yes, Paz?” you whisper hoarsely.

“Would you…would you be willing…to talk to the Elders?”

“Paz, my answer is yes,” you say. “I will accept courtship with you.”

“You have made me a very happy man, cyar’ika,” he says. “May I give you something?”

Nodding, you take a half step back and sniffle back the tears that spring to your eyes once more. You watch as Paz reaches into his pocket and withdraws something flat and small, pressing it into your hands. As you unwrap it, he speaks, and your face drains when you recognize what he is giving you – his clan signet – and not the one any regular member of the clan would wear. This one is intricately detailed, hand-carved by a master craftsman.

“I know this isn’t a blade, but I just can’t wait any longer, I want to give you something special to me,” he says shyly. “If you are willing, I would like you to become lady of Clan Vizsla. You don’t have to answer right now. Please just think about it, I just…I just want you to have that.”

As you stare down at the signet in your hands, it suddenly feels heavier, and you realize the responsibilities you will have to shoulder if you accept his request. You will be more than his riduur – you will act in his stead when he is away. You will guide the newlyweds in their journeys together. You will be there for the birth of each child to tend to the new buire. You will teach, you will negotiate, and if need be, you will wage war on his behalf. As you look, he shifts nervously again, clearly waiting for you to say something. Swallowing, you square your shoulders and take a deep breath. Looking up at your beloved, you do your best to keep your voice steady. With Paz by your side, there is nothing you cannot accomplish. You will succeed, so long as you have him with you.

“It would be my greatest honor to one day join your clan,” you stutter out, your voice shaking. “As both your wife and lady of the house, I will serve our family with pride and humility.”

Paz exhales shakily, as if he had been holding his breath. You lean in and give him a gentle hug. Paz returns it. The two of you linger for a few minutes before finally parting. You wrap the signet in the cloth and tuck it into the pouch where you keep your tools. Squeezing his hand, you look up at him, giddiness filling you at the thought of standing by his side.

-

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[Bonus Scene]

Din sinks against the wall, pressing his hands into his bucket.

“We worked so hard to get this to happen,” Din groans, “We worked so kriffing hard for this and I fucked it up – “

“Calm down,” Dezha responds. “They haven’t come back inside yet, so that means they’re still talking. There is still hope – “

“What if he was proposing?” Din hisses at Dezha. “What if I fucked up my only brother’s proposal – “

“You said he wants a proper courtship, did you not?” Din snaps.

“Well, yeah,” Din says.

“So, he has to ask if she’s willing to accept courtship before he can ask her to marry him,” Dezha retorts. “You didn’t ruin anything. Calm down. He was probably just kissing her.”

“He said he wouldn’t do anything against the rules,” Din retorts.

“Oh, right,” Dezha says. “Let’s get going before someone comes to investigate. We do not want to spread gossip – “

“Ooh, is Paz kissing Shu’shika?” Jalyn asks in a sing-song tone from the hallway. Then mischievously, “Or is Shu’shika the one kissing Paz, hmm?”

“Jalyn, I will break every bone in your body if you spread lies,” Dezha hisses at him.

“So, no kisses yet?” Jalyn asks. “How much longer are they going to make us wait?”

“Make us wait?” Din asks incredulously.

“I have been getting my offering for the wedding feast ready for a year now,” Jalyn says, turning his nose up haughtily, “My gift will be one they cherish for decades to come.”

“Oh fuck,” Din says, “I need to get a gift – “

“Calm down,” Dezha says. “We are not going to scare either of them from – “

“Ooh, are we talking gifts?” Revala asks from the doorway. “I bought the most beautiful set of baby onesies a few months ago – “

“They aren’t even married yet,” Dezha says incredulously, “They may only wish to bring foundlings into their family – “

“Please,” Revala scoffs, “Have you seen how broody Paz gets around the babies? If that man could carry an infant, I have no doubts we’d be up to our armpits in Vizsla brats.”

“Okay, let’s have this discussion elsewhere,” Dezha says. “If they come back in and find us here, they’ll know we set them up.”

“Paz already suspects we’re trying to help things along,” Din says. “We need to tone it back before he gets mad at us.”

“Listen, we have been dying for a proper wedding,” Jalyn chimes in. “If he proposes tonight, I think Hannah could have the feast ready by tomorrow morning.”

“GET OUT,” Dezha roars, finally losing his patience. “Give them privacy, for kriff’s sake!”

“I wonder if Shu’shika will finally let him have a kiss,” Jalyn muses, as he heads toward the door.

“Jalyn, I will make your life miserable if you tease her,” Dezha warns.

“A little teasing – “ Jalyn begins.

Dezha advances, pressing one finger into the karta bes’kar on Jalyn’s breast plate.

“Do you know what an accordion is, Jalyn?”

“The…the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Jalyn asks, voice tiny with terror.

“Do you?” Dezha hisses.

“Yes,” Jalyn says. “It is a musical instrument from the Far Reaches – “

“Alright,” Dezha says. “If you do anything to make Shu’shika uncomfortable, I will cram one fist down your throat, the other up your arse, and play you like a fucking accordion. Are we clear, shabuir?”

Jalyn’s mouth moves, but no sound comes out. He eventually gathers his senses and nods. Dezha points down the hallway and they move away.

-

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- Di’kut - idiot Buir(e) - parent(s) Resol’nare - 6 tenets of Mandalorian tradition Dar’manda - a state of being soulless, something that traditional Mandalorians fear greatly Riduur - spouse Bes’kar - Mandalorian steel Beskar’gam - Armor Shabuir - jerk, but really strong, not a nice word Shebs - rear Cyar’ika - darling, sweetheart Karta bes’kar - the indentation in the chest plate, lit. iron heart

#star wars #the mandalorian #tv: the mandalorian #paz vizsla x reader #paz vizsla x f!reader #paz vizsla x you #paz vizsla/reader #romance #A Proper Mandalorian Courtship #series: a proper mandalorian courtship #idiots in love #there are 3 braincells in the tribe #and armorer keeps 2 of them #feelings #soft fluffy feelings #is the title foreshadowing #paz vizla x reader #maybe idk #paz vizla x you #paz vizla x f!reader #tailor writes

[belovedbangtan]

Dive | Part 8 | jjk

<Masterlist>

Pairings: Jungkook x y/n, Yoongi x oc

Word Count: 4k + text

Series Description:  Camping with your ex, sounds horrible right? The camping trip was   planned and payed for long before y/n’s shitty boyfriend broke up with   her. Her best friend Abby, Yoongi, Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook are there to make sure she has an amazing time. However, sharing a tent with  a smoke show like Jungkook is bound to lead to some complications.

Warnings:Language, just a lot of touching. Nothing crazy in this one except for a very needy and clingy Kook... sorry not sorry.

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After his confession, the two of you spent the night talking about nonsense. The sun came up and you were still talking. It was easy with him, that was something you couldn’t deny. There was never a moment where you felt uncomfortable. It was all so new for you. As the sun started to peak through his blinds, you both looked at each other with shock. Had you really spent the whole night talking.

Getting the notification that your Uber was close, you let him know. Pushing yourself from your indent in the couch, only then realizing how stiff your body was and how exhausted you were.

“I can’t believe we stayed up all night, haven’t done that in a while.” He yawns getting up to follow you.

You giggle, agreeing with him. You slide your jacket over your arms, and you look up at him. How he looks like an Adonis after a night of no sleep is something you’ll never be able to explain. He holds his arms open wide and you mindlessly wrap yours around his waist, letting your head fall onto his chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat nearly hypnotizing you, you think maybe you could stay right here forever. With your head on his chest and his arms around you tight.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” He mumbles pressing his lips to the top of your head. You inhale deeply, pulling back so you can look at him.

“Of course. Thanks for stay up until 6 am with me,” Your giggle makes him blush.

You’ve said your goodbyes and you start walking to the uber, until you hear him calling your name. You turn to see him running down his hallway to you.

He hands you his phone, “Can you put your number in here? Maybe? I’d really like to talk to you more often if you’re okay with that.” he asks pinching the back of his neck, a nervous tick that you found to be adorable. You smile, putting your name in his phone. Hugging you once more, because you both can’t seem to get enough. Within minutes you get a text from him, and you save his in your phone.

The drive home is a blissed-out blur. You know you’re supposed to be working on you, but you have, haven’t you? Now that you know why he said all of those hurtful things, it was becoming harder for you to remember why you needed space. His scent clung to you, clouding your thoughts of him and only him.

Once you’re home, you crash into your bed. Closing your eyes and remembering the way his heartbeat made a special song, just for you.

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Within a week, your feelings for Jungkook had only gotten deeper. He had proved time and time again that he was there for you. You had spent one night on Face Time for hours. Talking about everything and nothing all at once, just like when you stayed as his house. His tired eyes through the phone screen made you scream internally. How could someone be so sexy and cute at the same time? Not to mention the fact that you brought up some pretty heavy conversation. Topics that Ben was never willing to help with, as he saw them as your problems. Jungkook knew he wouldn’t be able to fix it but he lent amazing advice and a distraction that proved to be the cure all. He tried, and he was there; and for you that meant so much.

Finally, Friday was here, and all you had to do was put some mascara on and then you were ready. You decided on some comfy shorts and a fitted t-shirt since you told everyone to dress cozy. You’re distracted by the bell on your phone, it’s Jungkook saying he’s running late but will be there soon. When he finally arrives he’s carrying two huge bags of groceries.

“What the hell,” You take the bags from his hands setting them on the counter, “You didn’t have to bring anything!” You giggle peaking through the bags.

“You’ve never had a movie night with these heathens. They will wipe your fridge clean.” He chuckles and starts to take all of the snacks from the bag. You ‘ooo and ahh’ at all of the goodies he picked up, making your snacks look like a pre-school snack time. You decide to rip open the family sized bag of gummies, taking a handful and popping them into your mouth. Turning your head Jungkook’s mouth is hanging open, silently asking for you to feed him.

You chuckle while you get another handful to fill his mouth. Both of you laughing at how ridiculous you looked with your cheeks full.

“So sweet!” You groan. He instantly hugs you from behind, your giggling fit still hasn’t ceased.

“Just. Like. You.” He kisses the side of your face between each word.

“You’re so cheesy,” You turn to look at him, but when your eyes lock something feels new. You decide to turn so you can face him, as you do, he backs you up so you’re leaning against the counter.

His plump lips press against your forehead once more, and your lips are jealous this time. His fingers find the stray hairs that frame your face, delicately tucking them behind your ear so he can kiss your cheek bone. You smell his cherry flavored lip balm as his lips coast over the tip of your nose, landing on the spot to the right of where you secretly want him the most. As if his lips were putting you into a trance you thoughtlessly lift your head and let your lips meet his.

Once you do his hand travels up your arm to the back of your neck, tangling his fingers in the baby hairs. The moan that rolls off of his tongue and into your mouth has you reeling. Your hands make a path from his chest to his neck, mimicking the way his fingers are dancing through your hairs. His tongue glides along your lower lip and you immediately grant it entry.

Suddenly you’re both pulled from the mirage, by the sound of someone banging on the door. Jimin’s voice ringing loud on the other side.

Lips red and swollen you both grin like lovesick teenagers. He lets out a defeated sigh and decides he needs just one more kiss. Pressing his lips, a little harder and longer into yours this time. Almost as if he didn’t know if he would get to again.

You stay where you are as he goes to your front door to let the ‘heathens’ inside. Jimins face scrunches in confusion when Jungkook is the one opening the door. His eyes flick to yours and you scrunch your brows together throwing up your shoulders, ‘what?”, you mouth. He rolls his eyes silently chuckling. Abby responds almost identically, eyeing you as she finds a spot on the couch. Gathering all of the snacks, you bring them to the coffee table in the center of the living room.

“Oo! Mean Girls I love this movie,” Tae yells excitedly.

“See Kook! It’s a classic!”

He smiles at you but seems shy all of a sudden. Abby, Yoongi, and Jimin sit on the long couch, while Tae sits on the floor in front of Jimin. Jungkook lays across the love seat, keeping his eyes on you. When you’ve got the movie started you walk to the love seat.

“Move your legs before I sit on them,” You threaten sarcastically. He eyes you before spreading his legs just enough for you to fit between them. You narrow your eyes but you take the spot that’s offered. Of course, you didn’t mind sitting there. That’s where you would prefer to sit. However, you knew a few people in the room would have something to say about the sudden attention I was giving him.

Slotting yourself in between his bulky thighs you lean back onto his chest. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel right, it felt perfect; like it was made for you. Feeling a strong presence, you slowly turn your head, coming eye to eye with all four of the others in the room. Yoongi and Tae turn away almost instantly but Jimin and Abby keep their gaze locked. You start the movie and you decide to try to ignore them for now, but you know they’ll make their opinions heard later on.

Halfway into the movie, you start to get cold, so you pull the cover from the back of the couch. As soon as you’re covered his arm slides down yours until he links his fingers with yours. He tightens his fingers as he presses his lips just behind your ear. You inhale deeply, still unable to logically process the way his lips make you feel. Every time they touch you, it feels like a drug. You want more, you need more; but you know you shouldn’t. He doesn’t stop there. His lips keep their pace along your neck, while his fingers let go of yours to trail up the length of your arm.

You take a deep breath and turn to face him, “How do you like the movie so far?” you whisper.

He licks his lips and you feel his silent laugh in his chest behind you, “Its okay, I’m kinda distracted,” he whispers in return.

“Ah, well maybe you should try to focus more?” You smirk.

“Ill try,” He mumbles, wrapping his arms around your chest, pulling you impossibly closer to him.

“Y/N! Where the fuck are your tea bags?” Abby screams from the kitchen. Jungkook’s arms let go of you as soon as he hears her. You get up from your spot knowing damn well that she’s not actually looking for a tea bag. Once she sees you and you’re out of the view of the guys, she pulls your arm to your bedroom.

“Care to explain, because I’m fucking confused,” She raises her arms as she whisper screams.

You sit on your bed, pulling your knees to your chest so you can wrap your arms around them.

“I don’t fucking know Abby, Im co-“ you’re cut off by the sound of your bedroom door opening. A nosy Jimin poking his head inside, until Abby waves him in aggressively.

“Where were we?” Jimin asks sitting next to you cross legged.

You groan loudly, throwing yourself backwards onto the bed, “I don’t fucking know guys.”

“So the last thing I heard was you both Face Timed for like… hours… the other night,” Jimin starts.

“What the fuck! Where was I? Why haven’t you told me!” Abby scolds you. You sit up quickly so you can defend yourself, explaining that she wasn’t available when you needed her and he stepped in. You also talk about how he sent you coffee, and how sweet and caring he’s been.

“But… He came over early, and we… made out a little bit.” You press your lips together after confessing. Abby and Jimin both look at each other, then back to you. Yelling forms of ‘what the fuck!’ and ‘what does that even mean?!’.

“So does this mean you’re dating or what?” Abby asks on behalf of her and Jimin.

“Not exactly, but I think I might be ready to take that step soon,” You murmur covering your red cheeks with your cold hands.

“Thank God, I’m so sick of you two pretending you’re not perfect for each other,” Jimin groans making you shake your head at him.

After a few more minutes of explaining your confusing feelings, you hear a light tap on the door. “Guys, the movie is over, what the fuck are you doing?” Tae yells from the other side of the door.

The three of you shuffle into the living room where the movie’s menu screen is repeating itself. Yoongi and Abby decide to head home, since they have an early morning. Tae looks for any remaining snacks, and you remind yourself to thank Jungkook for bringing more; he was right they were heathens.

“What are you guys doing tomorrow? Should we go out?” Jimin asks, stealing the back of skittles from Tae before he eats them all.

“I have to do this thing for my Aunt actually,” Jungkook says.

“I have plans with some people from work, they’re having a birthday party or something and wouldn’t shut up until I agreed to show up.” You reply, feeling Jungkook’s gaze burning into you.

“Well fine, just me and Tae then!” Jimin says, noticing the sudden tension in the room.

Shortly after, Tae and Jimin say their goodbyes and Jungkook immediately starts picking up the trash from the coffee table. You start to clean dishes, wondering if he was going to say anything about your plans for tomorrow night. When you’re done with the dishes you peak into the living room, watching him as he folds the blanket that earlier hid his affectionate touches. His face was concentrated, brows knitted together as he thought hard.

“You didn’t have to do that,” You interrupt quietly. He turns around quickly, clearly not even realizing how zoned out he was.

“Oh it’s nothing, they can get pretty messy,” He responds as he slides his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“Everything okay?” You say quietly walking over to him. He thinks on if for a second, gnawing at his lip.

“I'm trying not to be jealous, I swear I am,” his voice is raspy, he inhales deeply continuing his attack on his lip. You reach out, wrapping your arms around his waist; finally closing the gap in between you. Pulling him close you rest your chin on his chest allowing you to look up at him. His arms instantly wrap around your shoulders.

“You know, I don’t see any of them like that. There’s nothing to be jealous of,” you whisper, sliding your hands under his hoodie. He shivers when your cold hands meet his warm body. 

He groans softly, “that’s the thing though!” He starts, he’s clearly over thought the entire situation already, “you might not see them like that yet, but what’s stopping you? What if they say the right thing all of a sudden and you start to think that maybe you could fall for one of them? I don’t know, that’s all I can think about.” he confesses as you lay your ear on his chest. His heart is racing, and all you want to do is calm him down.

“You’re stopping me…” You say quietly. He looks down at you seriously, holding himself back so you can see his face clearly.

“No, y/n I promise if that’s what you want to do I understa-“ he starts to apologize completely misunderstanding you.

“No. Stop, Kook. You asked what was stopping me, and you’re the one that’s stopping me. Not in a bad way, but because I really want this to work. I have never had feelings like this for someone and you need to believe me when I say I’m not interested in anyone else…. Because I only want you.” Your words are slow and full of emotion. It’s exactly how you feel and you know that he needs to hear it. He exhales a breathe of relief, finally trusting your words.

“Good, because I only want you,” he murmurs leaning down so he can press a kiss to your lips, “and listen, if you want me to stop kissing and touching you I will… it’s just…when I’m with you all I want to do is be close to you.”

“The thing is,” You start, moving your arms from around his waist to around his neck, “I feel the same way. Do you maybe want to go to dinner Sunday night? Possibly talk about what this could be?” you ask, then immediately start to chew on your lip. His whole face instantly lit up.

“Holy fuck, please. Yes, please can we do that,” He laughed, instantly making you chuckle. Taking your cheeks in his hands he pulls your face close to his, leaving a feather light kiss on your nose.

After a long hug and a few more kisses, you finally said your goodbyes and he left to go home. He immediately texts you when you get there to confirm that you did in fact ask him to dinner to discuss the status of your relationship. You find yourself giggling into your phone like a crazy person. For the millionth time today, you find yourself thinking , only he can make me feel this way.

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a/n: GUYS, i literally changed the storyline like 15 times while writing this chapter. Please let me know what you think, its all i ask! Thank you for reading and prepare yourself for the next part, its crazy!

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Taglist:

@cainami @carolsummerlove @zeharilisharaban @jikooksgirl19 @fallen-for-luke @madygswich @sugalarity @lofikoo​ @ggukkieeee @peachy-bhun @megs58298 @kawaiiayasan @ jeonchan26  @ambersaesthetics​ @hopekookies​ @rumpucis

#bts #bts fluff #bts smut #jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook imagine #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jeon jungkook #jeongguk #jeongguk smut #jeongguk imagine #jeongguk fluff #jimin #taehyung #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction

[megashadowdragon]

why ben solo deserved better

comments on youtube: 

You may think Ben Solo did not deserve mercy, but let's all remember this is a FICTIONAL universe and fictional characters. It's ok to indulge in wishful thinking, even if Ben would not be received with welcome arms on Earth even after his redemption. Dealing with a complicated character like that and trying to find a way to give him a future in the story is hard, I will admit. It's hard to know where someone's role in society is after they've betrayed and murdered since our answer usually ends in their execution or incarceration. But imagine an ending where Ben Solo is willing to answer for his crimes, Rey contends for him, and the future of the galaxy has hope. What we were given was NOT hope. Ben Solo simply deserved a better ending than he was given. He wasn't a soulless monster like Palpatine. He had remorse. He hesitated. His anger was fueled by his mistreatment and feelings of abandonment from his family. Comment below and tell me why/why not Ben Solo deserved a better ending. Even if you don't agree, do you think his abrupt death was satisfying?

I agree with a lot of your points. He 100% should have survived and it doesn't make any sense to me that they killed him off. Ben should have been given a chance to live and atone, he could've spent the rest of his life being a better man, despite other people scorning him at first. Ben and Rey are so powerful - they are stronger together and could've helped so many people in the galaxy. Surely there would still be pockets of the First Order out there - or whole planets of innocent people still enslaved that need their help. ( I have to point out that it was never clarified how many people knew kylo ren was ben solo and its quite likely that  only a small group knew ben was kylo ren so you wouldnt even need to consider the galaxy at wholes reaction for they could just claim kylo ren was dead while ben solo was still alive  (people didnt know anakin was vader for years )   and poe in resistance reborn talked about ex imperials atoning for their actions so  poe and the people who knew ben was kylo ren would be willing to accept ben   coming back and atoning for his  actions  . no prison  or exile  he would ahve a happy ending  with rey on naboo the place where anakin and padme would have raised luke and leia anidala being torn apart was the original sin  ) ( I am sick and tired of redemption equals death it sends the message that if you mess  up and go down the wrong path the only out is death that the most you can expect is finding a cause to die for its bs the notion that he had to die is bs

“the redemption = death bs doesnt give hope to anyone its like if you mess up you cant just make up for it

 ben deserved better because in the 30 years he lived he wanst truly happy and calm until his last 20 seconds of his life”

Western story writers and directors are too set on the idea of redemption of villains through death, it's an unhealthy all too common message I don't agree with, Vader's sacrifice meant something because he saved his son, but what about Leia? What does her sacrifice mean? Why is the final shot just a lone Rey in the desert with a robot? I'll never understand these decisions, it just doesn't work.

The whole Rey replaces Ben in the Skywalker line is just disgusting. Ben was "bad" so he didn't deserve the name but Rey is perfectly "good" so she does? Kids, if you ever do anything bad watch out because your family will find a good kid, replace you, and act like you never existed. Love Disney for that message.

. There’s a clear reverse Anakin/Padme thing going on for me as is. I just think they could have gone for that full reversal, where Ben lives instead of dies like Anakin essentially did when he became Vader. And then I’m always reminded of how little Ani wanted to “free the slaves” ... and while he didn’t have to take that literal route, atonement, or working to break broken systems, would have been a wonderful close to that part of the story as well. I thought it would be nice to tie his and Finn’s stories together a little in that regard.

I don't think they ever understood what they had story wise or character wise.  I don't think they ever knew what message these movies were supposed to have. TROS kept making strange story decisions without thinking through their implications.  With regard to Ben Solo, they give us two fake deaths after multiple characters sacrificed themselves for him, then kill him off for real.  That's the kind nonsense you find in the D-grade movies mocked on MST3K, not a Star Wars film.  Worse yet, they offer the audience no catharsis for Ben's death.  It happens suddenly; Rey had already given her "life force" to both the giant snake and Kylo/Ben and she's fine.  So the audience doesn't expect Ben to die when he gives his "life force" to her.  Then after his sudden death, he's not mourned.  Rey barely reacts.  He's not mentioned and his sacrifice is never discussed.  Then we don't even see his Force ghost.  The air got sucked out of the movie and it just ends with a thud.  It's like if Titanic had ended with Rose saying, "Oh well, I guess I'll just marry Cal" and it's "The End."

Ben Solo definitely deserved better & I truly thought we would get a happily ever after, a reversal of Anakin & Padme’s fate. I also thought the stormtroopers would side with the Resistance & that the reason Leia’s allies didn’t respond at the end of TLJ was because most were disguised as stormtroopers & mingled among the First Order. 🤡  I think the Skywalker saga has ended but the Solo saga will continue. 🤞🏻 The majority of fans LOVE Kylo/Ben and that’s a fact. The general audience loved & rooted for him without ever knowing his heartbreaking backstory & that he had been targeted by Palpatine from conception. Let’s hope Disney/Lf has an ace up their sleeve.

I actually thought Ben was going to live because JJ kept marketing the film as being happy, uplifting, hopeful, and Ben's arc being "fun." In 2015 he called Star Wars a "fairytale."  I had been waiting for Ben to reunite with his mother since 2015 & since 2017 to end up with Rey. Neither really happens because Ben dies, thus turning Star Wars into a tragedy that pretends it's not. We didn't even get a mother/som forceghost visual reunion as a "consolation prize". I was so sure we'd get an actual living redemption arc because I thought forgiveness and the healing of the family was their intention , but nope, just a complete annihilation of the Skywalker family. I left IX feeling depressed for all of Christmas break. ...And don't even get me started on the retcon of TLJ's Rey Nobody background setup and theme.Show less

You have to ask yourself this when thinking of Ben and Anakin. If Anakin fell to the dark side because he had an unhealthy selfish love for Padme but Ben rose from the dark side because he had a healthy selfless love for Rey. What message does it send to have both characters have the same fate when it comes to being with the women they love? (Split apart) What's the point of the saga if nothing anyone does means anything? JJ and Chris failed to ask themselves these important questions.

the theme of the original trilogy was love, hope, family, forgiveness, redemption 

lucas described the star wars as a space fairy tale soap opera    about love, family , hope forgiveness, redemption  the skywalker saga is a family saga about the skywalker family killing off ben breaks that for it ends the saga in tragedy where every last skywalker has died   the line has ended palpatine won bens abusers won 

george lucas quote about story being a family-oriented fairytale of hope, love and redemption (not to mention he hates killing anyone unnecessarily bens death wasnt necessary and goes against star wars themes

George Lucas: *talks for forty years about fairy tales and HEAs and not wanting to kill characters

( this is why lucas didnt kill any of the main cast be they the trio or otherwise and chewbacc killing off ( killing off ben goes against that ( ben was a mc he was part of the narrative trio ( no matter how many antis try to claim otherwise and claim it was rey finn and poe when no ) or act like bendemption wasnt set up from day one.  ( ben, rey, and finn were all main characters

on the comparison  between benVader died as a middle-aged man in ill health with two living children who would carry on in the light after a golden period in his life where he was a prosperous jedi knight, Ben died a healthy 30-year-old with no family or good phase in his life, plus Vader's sacrifice was instrumental in his redemption while Ben's sacrifice happened after redemption out of narrative contrivance, they are not the same

@emeraldspiral

@a-manda-lorian

@frumfrumfroo

#ben solo deserved to live #ben deserved better #save ben solo #anti tros #star wars #ben solo #ben solo deserved better

[jedimordsith]

You mentioned that you've come to have more empathy for Yoday but still wouldn't recommend him as a direct master for anyone. What were/are your biggest issues with him? There are several I could guess, and probably some I agree with, but I don't want to assume.

Ahahahaha. I’m in a ranty mood this week, so it’s a great time to tackle this ask! Here’s more than anyone ever wanted to know about my Yoda Feels. 

My problems with Yoda come down to a couple things. 

We have entirely different learning/teaching styles. 

I have zero tolerance for cryptic shavit when there’s *actual communication* that needs to happen. 

A lot of Yoda’s behaviors make sense when viewed in the context of the PT but I formed most of my opinions based on the OT before the PT was a Thing. 

I don’t agree with the approach Yoda took in swanning off to Dagobah post RotS. AT ALL. 

Different Learning/Teaching Styles

(In ESB) Yoda very much follows the Greek and Buddhist styles of teaching where masters ask questions that don’t necessarily have solid answers. This is a valid style and something @atamascolily consistently captures gorgeously in her fics. It also absolutely makes me want to stab people. 

I’m like Mara Jade: a task-oriented learner. I want to know what I’m supposed to learning/mastering, why, how I’ll demonstrate success, and what the checkpoints are along the way. Meandering philosophical debates as part of an ill-defined training process are maddening. As noted, as I get older I am more accepting of this as a legit style and just not for me; this makes Yoda more sympathetic as a character but not any less annoying. 

Also, when Luke asks honest and reasonable questions in ESB (like “why”) Yoda shuts him down flat and I’m extremely not okay with that. Luke is being genuine and respectful despite his own frustrations and as someone who is committing his life to the Jedi path he has both a right and a need to know things. Demanding blind faith when there are or should be reasonable answers of some kind is Not Okay. 

Just Communicate Dammit!

With Ben Kenobi and Bail Organa gone, Yoda was the only person around holding a lot of key information. Did he share that information? Nope. He wandered around being a cryptic little troll “because Luke wasn’t ready” despite knowing full well that his health was failing. He gave Luke none of the information he actually needed to make informed decisions and didn’t even freaking write anything down!!  

From a Doylist perspective, this is obviously largely because George Lucas et al hadn’t figured out any of the backstory yet. From a Watsonian perspective, this is unforgivable. 

If your time is short (as his time with Luke was destined to be no matter how things went), it is critically important to be clear and use your time well. Yoda just didn’t. 

Obnoxious Troll vs Grandpa Frog

The PT very much sets Yoda up as Grandpa Frog, a beloved grandfather figure who teaches the younglings regularly and who everyone understands as mischievous but loving. Viewed in that sense, a lot of how he treats Luke in ESB makes sense… but it doesn’t make it okay. 

The younglings at the Temple literally grew up around the Force and Yoda. Luke did not. Luke didn’t even know WTF the Force was until he was almost 20. He got like 24 hours of introduction to it before Ben died. Compliments of Palpatine and the Purge and the war, there is almost no information available to him between ANH and ESB except what he figures out himself. Yet Yoda treats him like a disappointment and a failure for not understanding the scope of the Force and having doubts about its power. 

Guess what? If Luke had grown up in the Temple, yeah, he’d be all about raising X-wings out of swamps. But he didn’t. He grew on repressed for his own safety on a farm in the middle of nowhere without a hint of a clue. 

Now, through the lens of the PT, I can see Luke being a frustrating student for Yoda. He’s used to getting younglings who have been exposed to and trained in the Force by a range of other Jedi. Starting with an older student suffering from a ton of trauma and without any of the basics that he has to train in less than a fraction of the time shaping a Jedi would normally take is a massive undertaking and he’s old and tired besides. The whole family history with Vader wouldn’t make it any easier. 

But you know what? Luke is young. He left his found family in the middle of a war and is undergoing hugely stressful training in the middle of a swamp so that he can shoulder even bigger burdens. Yoda has had 20 years of (mostly) downtime to deal with his own trauma and at least several hundred years of practice being a teacher and a leader. He’s the one in a position to improve things and accommodate and he doesn’t. I’m not okay with that. 

Let’s Talk About That Downtime BTW

Again, from a Doylist perspective, I get why Yoda was hanging out on Dagobah, why he used things like visions to communicate with people like Kanan, Ezra, etc. periodically, and why he was Luke’s mentor in ESB/RotJ. 

From a Watsonian view, though, I’m not freaking impressed. He was the Grandmaster. He was heartbroken over the Jedi and Padawans he couldn’t save. But what did he do for the remaining ones spread across the galaxy? Shavit, that’s what. Kanan, Cal Kestis, Feris Olan, all the Jedi/Padawans who got kidnapped and twisted into Inquisitors — they were on their freaking own while Yoda swanned off to Dagobah. 

Oh, sure, he’d pop up in a vision here or there or whatever, but he had a safe place. And, apparently, the ability to reach at least some of them some of the time (see: visions and his connections to people like Bail Organa). Do I think any of those people probably wanted to live on Dagobah? Not particularly. But I think they’d have appreciated the safety and the chance to reconnect with what remained of their Jedi family, even if only briefly. 

But no. Yoda hangs out, waiting for the day the twins are old enough to take on the responsibility to kill Vader/Palpatine and then… does nothing?! He just keeps hanging out even after both Luke and Leia have lost everything, lets them get all settled into the Rebellion without a word, and THEN has the nerve to be cranky and disgruntled when he actually does get one of them to train!! 

YOU MADE CHOICES YOU LITTLE FROG TROLL. DON’T TAKE THEM OUT ON THE PEOPLE YOU DENIED CHOICES FOR 20 YEARS. 

I’m Not Entirely Without Compassion, I Swear

*sigh* I have seen a lot of Yoda meta in recent years that makes me appreciate Yoda for what he was during the PT. He really *was* everybody’s loving Grandpa who worked for centuries to love on the Jedi, protect them, and take care of them well. He legit wanted all of them to be happy and safe… and his suffering when the Purge happened must have been unimaginable. Like Luke and Leia, he lost everything. 

Unlike the twins, he didn’t get to rebuild or find a new family. While I believe what we have in the EU suggests he found peace and solace and a new home of Dagobah that was genuinely soothing to his wounded soul, he was alone and (whether he was or not) he did feel mostly helpless to do anything for his few scattered Jedi grandchildren who remained and suffered across the galaxy. He did face decisions in which there *weren’t* good, clear-cut answers. 

I think if I’d met him first in the PT or meta I might have liked him better. But I still wouldn’t ever recc him as a Master for any character I like because I can’t imagine learning under him being an experience I would ever wish on anyone simply based on my own vehement loathing for his personal teaching style. I know there are people in the world who would thrive on that approach and I like to think I’ve got a good imagination, but I simply can’t conceptualize it as a positive, productive experience. 

*As an end note, if you DO like Yoda or want to like him better please go read @atamascolily‘s fics, seriously. You’ll love them!

[doof-doofblog]

"You'll Be Joining Ben In Prison!"

Tuesday 6th October 2020

Good evening everyone! I hope you've had a good Tuesday! After the big bombshell that ended last night's episode, I am so excited to see what tonight's episode has in store! I'm just going to start right away, the episode starts right where last night's ended! Frankie has just told Mick that she believes he's her Dad. I understand Mick is completely in shock, he doesn't seem to believe the poor girl, even insults her by saying he thinks she's ill! It's only when she mentions a name - Katy Lewis - that Mick realises she could be telling the truth. You can see he instantly recognises the name as soon as she says it, was it even before him and Linda got together?! Who knows, but I am really looking forward to finding out more about this!

At the police station, Callum has been called in, he is currently missing Lexi's dance grading. What could be so important that he had to be called in? I'm a little bit shocked that his boss is wanting to him to wear a wire, whilst living in the Mitchell household! After seeing Callum going behind Ben's back recently, I feel like he really isn't wanting to do this! He recognises that it's wrong, he's having doubts! But I do fear he'll be persuaded to wear it, believing he's doing the right thing, which he really REALLY isn't!!! I do feel really gutted as Callum starts to unbutton his shirt - does he feel he doesn't have a choice? Has he got himself in too deep now? I am really hoping that Ben will find out before it's too late, I can just see this going horribly wrong for Callum, in many many ways.

Back with Mick, he is still reeling from Frankie's news - as he stumbles along the street, to me it looks as if he wobbles into the fence, it looks as if he's about to have another panic attack! It's been a long time since he's had a serious panic attack, it's understandable that news such as big as finding out he could have another child would bring it on. As Frankie catches up with him, she begs him not to ignore her, at least hear her out and discuss it. Mick sees Max from across the Square and asks him to take the young lad home ... why do I sense that Max only agrees to take him as he knows Linda will be back at the house alone? That will obviously give them a chance to talk about recent events. As Max walks away with the little boy in tow, Mick agrees to talk with Frankie.

At the Atkins household, Gray returns from his meeting to find his house completely a mess! Pizza crusts laid all over the dining room table. He calls out to Whitney and asks her what happened whilst he was away, she explains to him that the poor kids hadn't eaten all day, so when she decided to treat them to a takeaway, the children got upset for having the wrong food. Gray apologises and Whitey tells him not to worry and not to take it out on his kids. Whitney explains to him that grief comes out in all sorts of different ways, the children are clearly missing their Mum and there's probably no way for them to tell anyone or show how they're feeling.

As Linda is busy working away, making herself and Mick a romantic meal, the buzzer of her flat goes, assuming it's her husband, she immediately lets them in. When Ollie comes running up the stairs, Max follows. Linda is clearly surprised to see him with her son, Max explains to her that Mick and Frankie have gone to the Prince Albert. Trying to be the good Samaritan, Max offers to help Linda with her cooking while she sees to Ollie. Did I sense a little bit of flirtation going on? When Linda says the words "No-one likes a show-off!" - I don't know, something is telling me that they do seem to like each other's company, it looks like there could be some attraction there. Whilst Max and Linda are at at the Carter's apartment, Mick is finally having his talk with Frankie. She reveals everything to him, how she found all his letters he wrote to her Mum and how she was always told that her Father had just walked out on her, but she came to realise it was the other way round. As Frankie is revealing everything to him, we see him grip his chair a lot tighter, is he on the verge of having another panic attack? It looks as if he's struggling to take in everything she's saying, but he seems to recall, and realises that what she is saying all makes sense, as he softly says "So that's why she left!"

Finally Callum arrives home, obviously we all know that he's now wearing a bloody wire underneath his clothing! We see Phil approach him as he comes down the stairs, he had previously asked Callum to try and find information on Raymond's adoptive family, whether they had anything on file. Callum admits that the family was clean, had no run-ins with the police, not even a speeding ticket. Phil thanks Callum for checking, as Phil is getting himself ready, Callum attempts to make small talk with him. Part of me is thinking that Phil isn't stupid, Phil will eventually get suspicious as to why he's asking about Danny all of a sudden, he pulls a look of suspicion straight away, but Callum quickly makes up the story that he'll be able to help if ever needed anyone else to work with. Hmm - I think this is going to go one of two ways - either Callum won't be able to get what he needs for the police, he'll be feeling under pressure and he'll eventually lose his job - OR - Callum will basically betray Ben and Phil, Phil will probably end up getting arrested for something he didn't do, or something? What do you guys think? Either way - I'm really not liking what Callum is doing right now. It's all going to end in tears!

At the Panesar family home, Vinny, Ash, Kheerat and Suki are all at home. Suki calls them round to the family table, informing them that she has something very important to tell them. She beings to thank her children for always stepping up and helping the family when needed, she explains to them that the police had approached her with a CCTV image in an attempt of her to identify who caused the attack on Martin. She tells Vinny that it was clearly him, but she informs them she didn't tell the police that. Vinny starts to panic as he fears his identity is going to be revealed. But then - she drops the bombshell and announces that it's Jag's turn to do something for his family - her children don't seem to understand what she means by this, it's only when Ash looks towards the washing and realises her brother's jeans are missing, she clicks on that her Mum has grassed up her own son to the police! Both Vinny and Ash are absolutely distraught, they look to Kheerat - who in all honestly looks absolutely speechless. He looks as if he's absolutely fed up with everything that is happening around him - grieving for the woman he loves and now realising he'll be losing his brother too. I think he realises there is no point in arguing and just simply says "Mum knows best!" - I think he's just purely defeated right now.

Out on the Square, Ben and Callum are ready to head off with Lexi to her dance grading. Lexi notices that her Grandad isn't with them, she asks her Dad's boyfriend why he's not coming. Callum explains to the young girl that he's got something else to take care of, but he'll able to watch a video recording of her later on. As Lexi rushes on ahead, Ben turns to his partner and asks straight out if Phil has actually gone to see Raymond, Callum admits that he has - I think it's then that Callum begins to feel guilty for what he's actually doing as Ben reveals to him that he fears for his Dad. If something was to happen and he wouldn't be able to see Raymond again, it would physically break him. It's true that Dennis meant a lot to Phil, he saw him as a soon - now Phil has the chance of being a Father to Raymond, he wants to grab that opportunity with both hands, but Ben fears if anything was to go wrong, Phil wouldn't be able to cope with another loss.

Back at the Carter's household, Max has finished working on Linda's meal for Mick. I'm just putting it out there, but do you think they're going to be an affair?! The more I see scenes between Max and Linda, the more I can see something happening between them. I mean, they've already kissed - what's going to stop them doing any more? I do believe that Linda loves Mick, but it's clear that he's not really been in her good books as of late, keeping an eye on her whilst she's surrounded by alcohol. Linda admit to Max that she fears her husband finding out that she took a gulp of vodka, but he promises her that he's not going to say anything. As Max goes to leave, he has one last thing to say to her, he reveals that he actually does have feelings for Linda, he understands that she's happily married and even compliments her and states the fact that she and Mick are a perfect couple, but he just felt that she had a right to know. With this knowledge, will Linda act upon it? Will they still be able to remain friends? There has been rumours and/or speculation that there could be a Max and Linda affair on the cards? But with Max promising to keep her secrets - will she feel the need to lean on him more and perhaps could things escalate for the two?

Back at Ruby's club, Mick is trying to understand what Frankie is wanting now she's revealed her identity. He informs her that he's unable to give her what she wants right now - with Linda being an alcoholic, if she was to find out about Frankie being Mick's daughter, it could set her off the edge. He explains to Frankie that he and her Mum was a long long time ago, and Linda isn't even aware of it. That's the big question now - will the rest of the Carter family find out and how will they react when they do? Especially Linda?! - OH THAT'S A STORY RIGHT THERE! - Linda finds out about Frankie being Mick's daughter, she feels betrayed, leans on Max and - boom - an affair starts!!! Haha! Too obvious?! Who knows?!

Meanwhile, on the Square, Habiba and Jags are leaving the Vic - they both seem really happy that they're relationship news is finally out and they have been accepted by the Panesar family, or so it would seem. As they discuss being open to the public about their relationship, Jags asks his girlfriend whether she's really truly happy with him, as she's assuring him a police car pulls up and suddenly a Police Officer is arresting Jags for the assault of Martin Fowler and for the robbery at the Minute Mart. Whilst all the commotion is going on in the Square, Suki appears from her home and watches as her son is being arrested and flung into the back of a Police car. Habiba and Jags are shouting in his defence that it's all a misunderstanding, she promises her boyfriend that everything will be okay. As the car drives away with Jags in the back seat, he calls out to his Mum as he sees her starring at him as the car drives past. Suki looks as if she's upset - but is she really? Why did she feel the need to set up Jags? I know it's silly to say, but is it because she doesn't like Habiba? Or is it because she thinks he's useless? Or did she just want to teach her son a lesson? I'm really unsure. What do you guys think?

Back at the Atkins household, Whitney has made sure that everything is looking clean and spotless. Gray re-joins her and thanks her for her help and support. As they begin to discuss Whitney's upcoming trial, Whitney can see how much Gray is struggling, she says to Gray that his children need him more than anything right now. They are all grieving and Gray needs to be with his kids. He begins to softly cry as he admits he's finding it hard without Chantelle, Whitney then makes the decision that she's going to call Gray's boss and inform her that he has stepped down from supporting her in court. She understands that he needs to be with his kids and not putting her first. Gray is reluctant to begin with, he states how much they've worked to build up her case, but Whitney is insistent - and instead, she agrees. Does this mean that Whitney is going to support herself in court, or is she going to get someone else in Gray's place?

Back at the Mitchell's, Ben, Callum and Lexi are all gathered around after seeing the little Tinkerbell at her dance grading. Phil is happily watching is Granddaughters performance on the phone. Callum is watching in the background how Phil is interacting with his Granddaughter, I'm sure it's making sense to him that all Phil cares about more than anything in life, is his family. He might've had a bad reputation back in the day, but his family has always come first. Phil gives his Granddaughter a doll as a present for being so brilliant, she leaves the room with a huge smile on her face, and Ben follows his daughter to get her ready for bed. With Callum free to talk to Phil alone, he asks how it was for him seeing Raymond, Phil opens up to him and admits it was hard, as he's literally just seeing his son in a hospital bed and he knows there's nothing he can do to help. He thanks Callum for filming the video of Lexi for him to watch, and gives him the biggest compliment he get receive "You're good for this family, Callum!" As Phil leaves the room, Callum smiles as he realises he's been accepted into the family, then his face becomes serious - for a moment, I thought, as he was alone, he would reach under his clothing and rip off the wire - but instead he gets out his phone and makes a call. Is guilt getting the better of him? I truly think he does not want to do this and he's going to make it perfectly clear to his boss that he wants nothing to do it - well, I hope!

Back at the Carter's, Mick and Linda are finally having their meal together, although Mick isn't looking interested in the plate of food that's been placed in front of him. Linda begins to ask whether he's alright, she asks about Frankie and Mick just doesn't want to talk about it! He leaves his plate of food and tells Linda to get off his case. You can see that Linda is feeling pretty annoyed by her husband, making him a romantic meal - which he doesn't seem interested in, trying to make conversation - only to be shouted at, and then to be rejected for the offer of having an early night together, to top it off their meal is interrupted my Frankie calling on the buzzer. Linda tells Mick that Frankie is waiting outside for him, is she going to get the wrong end of the stick and perhaps think that Mick is having an affair with Frankie - I mean, he did have a bit of thing with Whitney? Is this what causes her to fall into Max's arms? - Outside, Frankie waits patiently for Mick, as he opens the door ever so slightly, she tells him that all she wants is to get to know him, she's spent her whole life not knowing who her Dad was, and now she's found him - she's not going to let go! Mick slowly nods, is he going to end up having secret meetings with Frankie so they can get to know each other? Will Linda find out and take it completely the wrong way? I am so convinced that something like that is going to happen! What do you guys think?

The last scene of the episode tonight, Callum is finally standing up for what he believes in. He rips off the wire and confronts his fellow Detective and tells him he can't do what he's being asked of. He refuses to take part in it any longer. I feel relieved that Callum has come to his senses and realises what he's doing is wrong, he explains to his co-worker that he'll speak to his Supervisor and admit it was all a mistake. It's then that the Detective reveals the truth, it was only he and Callum who knew about the set up - Callum is left in shock, he really wasn't undercover after all. He's been used to do this Detective's dodgy work! He reveals to him that he has the recording of him assaulting Danny at the Arches, it's then he blackmails poor Callum and says if he doesn't do as he's asked, he'll be setting both he and Ben up and they'll both be sent to prison! Ooooooh what a dirty dirty man!!!! Callum is now backed into a corner, what the hell is he going to do now?!

I was so happy that Callum stood up to him and knew he was doing wrong! How is going to get himself out of this one now? Is there going to be a way for him to ask Ben or Phil for help? Can he perhaps subtly tell them that he's in trouble, being blackmailed and needs help! I'm kind of fearing what's going to happen to the Mitchell family now - not just Ben and Callum, but Phil also! What do you think is going to happen? Will Callum be able to turn things around and find a way out?! Overall a really good episode tonight, I really enjoyed it! I'll probably be back on Friday as I'll be working late on Thursday and will miss Thursday's episode. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week and I'll be back very soon! Goodnight folks! xXx

#eastenders #callumhighway #philmitchell #benmitchell #ballum #leximitchell #mickcarter #lindacarter #frankielewis #maxbranning #grayatkins #whitneydean #jags panesar #vinnypanesar #ashpanesar #suki panesar #kheerat panesar #habibaahmed

[pinkmedusa6]

Burning Bridges

Pairing: Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak 

Read on AO3

An excerpt from this work: 

“Go back to sleep Rich. I’ll be back, I promise.” Eddie stumbles backwards and slips out the window. Soon the room settles into a lull like Eddie was never there to begin with.

The clock reads 3:35 am. Richie stays in his bed debating if he should get up and chase after Eddie but his consciousness makes the decision for him as he begins to fade into his dreams once again. Sleep overtakes him, thoughts of Eddie still swaying at the edge of his mind. Richie decides to talk to him in the morning. He will realize later that this was the worst decision of his life.Eddie 

Kaspbrak was never seen in Derry again.

Summary:  Richie is living the lonely life of a C-list comedian in LA until he suddenly is contacted by Mike Hanlon. 15 years after his disappearance Mike believes to have received a phone call from Eddie. The remaining Loser's return to Derry in search of answers and their missing friend. 

It had been a normal day for Richie Tozier. But that’s how all tragedy’s started, with normal days.

All seven members of the Losers Club sat along the bank of the quarry. The haze of a summer heat settling along the exposed edges of their skin. Beverly was skipping rocks along the water, trying to beat her record of 6 skips. Ben watched her like she was competing in an Olympic sport, the flick of her wrist catching his gaze. Bill, Mike, and Stan sat not far off, discussing amongst themselves.

Richie had taken to climbing up a nearby tree and hanging off one of the branches by the crook of his knees. While Eddie stood underneath him rattling off the possible injuries he could get by falling.

Richie was desperately trying to keep his glasses from sliding off his face as Eddie glared at him. “I’m not going to help you if you fall and bust your head open.”

“Aw would you still love me if I got brain damage Eds?” Richie grinned swinging carelessly back and forth.

“Don’t call me Eds. And you already have brain damage asshole.” Eddie huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

“And you still love me! How sweet,” He threw Eddie a wink. Richie thought he saw a hint of red creep around Eddie’s cheeks but wasn’t sure if that was just his own blood rushing to his head.  

“That’s why we’re your friend, can’t let the poor kid with brain damage play by himself.” Stan called over, not even bothering to turn towards Richie.

“You wound me Staniel.” There was a grunt as Richie heaved himself up and began his decent down the tree. About a foot away from the ground he lost his grip and fell landing on his back with a small thud. He barked out laughter as Eddie ran to his side to make sure his skull hadn’t broken like an egg shell.

“B-by the way, what electives did everyone ch-chose for the semester?” Bill said fully ignoring the commotion taking place beside him.

A chorus of answers rang around the group, from Bev shouting home economics to Ben quietly mentioning a poetry class. Stan said photography and Richie remarked that his teacher would get tired of every picture being a bird. Eddie sat quietly in his spot beside Richie.  

“What about you Eddie?” Mike smiled over at Eddie. He had also stayed silent during the discussion, there wasn’t much to say about electives when you were home schooled.

Eddie fidgeted from where he was sitting on the ground. “Ok I’ll tell you guys but you have to promise not to mention it around my mom she’ll flip.” There was a collective nod, “I uh decided to go for track and field.”      

“That’s fantastic Eddie!” Bev said.

“You’ll do g-g-gr-ugh.” Bill closed his eyes in frustration before starting again. “You’ll do awesome, you have always been the fastest of us anyway.” Bill smiled along with the rest of the group. He was right, Eddie had always been the fastest of the Losers club even when he thought his asthma was real.

“Fast on the track and in the sack that’s what they say right?” Richie laughed as he was shoved by Eddie but he didn’t miss the distinct dimpled smile.

After finding out his mother had been lying to him for years about his asthma, as well as several other illnesses, Eddie had abandoned most of his placebos. Only when his mother was watching did he seem to keep up his act, not yet wanting to confront her. Richie felt a certain kind of pride bloom in his chest. The kind that had always been there but seemed to grow with each act Eddie did. Sonia was controlling and every step that Eddie took seemed to defy the tight grip she had on him. They were coming closer to the end of their high school days and Richie was excited for the future. A future he hoped contained a great deal of Eddie.

Richie knew the way he felt about Eddie differed greatly from his feelings towards the other loser’s. He didn’t stay up late at night thinking about the curve of Beverly’s legs nor did he leave lingering touches along Stan’s arms, those were exclusive to Eddie. Calling it love would make it too real. He called it a crush because crushes were soft fleeting things. Crushes were easy to get over you could skip from one to the next. Love was a hard rock that sat at the bottom of your stomach. Yet Richie could barely contain the tightening of his chest with the way each freckle stretched over Eddie’s cheeks as he smiled. Just a crush Richie reminded himself.  

The losers club continued their carefree summer day at the clubhouse, reveling in one another’s company. Richie felt at peace among his friends, he wondered if this is how all his friendships would be or if this was something special.

By the time four o’clock had rolled around it had become Richie’s favorite kind of day, one where after spending time with all the losers Richie was able to squeeze in an hour or two of alone time with Eddie. After departing from the clubhouse the duo arrived at Richie’s home, eventually landing on his bed to read comics and bicker over trivial topics.

It was Eddie who brought up the subject of college, “Are you still planning on going to UCLA?” The question threw Richie off guard, especially since they just finished a heated argument over who was the better superhero, Captain America or Iron Man. But now Eddie sat on the floor of Richie’s room, his back against the bed and staring at the posters on the wall. His eyes seemed like they were searching for an answer in the Rush poster hung up haphazardly above Richie’s desk, a fruitless effort.

“Well yeah, its step one in my plan on becoming a famous comedian,” Richie turned to Eddie from where he sat on his bed. His eyes were still trained on the poster but Richie caught a glimpse of some unnamed emotion flash across them. “You should come with. UCLA has like a million majors to choose from.” Richie tried to say it as casually as possible and not like he would trade his left arm just to have Eddie in the same state as him. This was not the first time he had brought it up but he still felt the same nervousness tug at his stomach, like it was an encoded proposal.

“Like my mom would ever agree to me moving across the country with Richie Tozier.” Eddie finally returned Richie’s gaze, a somber smile on his face.  

“You’re right. You’re mom would get too jealous.” Eddie groaned “Do you think I could get Mrs.K to come with me to UCLA? I’m not sure she could survive till winter break without me.” Eddie took the comic book in his lap and rolled it up before smacking Richie on the head with it. Richie laughed, a shit-eating grin spread wide across his face. Eddie wavered in his scowling, eventually laughing along with Richie. Soon both boys settled back down into a comfortable silence as they read their comic books.  

As the evening sun slipped into his room it basked Eddie in an otherworldly glow, Richie wanted to burn the image into his brain. He wanted to record Eddie as he was now and replay the scene over in his head until that’s all he could see. He was almost grateful when Eddie said he needed to leave, the tips of his fingers burned with the urge to touch. But Richie smiled and pushed those feelings away, a practice he had grown accustomed to.

Richie walked Eddie to his porch, leaning on the railing as Eddie began to walk down the steps. “When will I see you again Eddie my love?”

“Jesus can you just say my name normally for once?”

“For you? No way in hell Spaghetti man.” Richie was grinning, a common occurrence when he was with Eddie. And Eddie would huff and roll his eyes at Richie’s antics but there was always a smile that followed and Richie would always chase it.

“Well Bill wants us all to meet up at his house tomorrow, his aunt sent him a board game and it can play up to ten people so now we won’t have to fight over who goes first.” Eddie said, hopping off the last step of the porch and turning to face Richie.  

“Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow when I show you my awe-inspiring board game skills.” Richie wore a cocky smile, it always gave him a special rush knowing exactly what buttons to push to rile Eddie up.

“Oh shut up you couldn’t even beat me at Clue.” Eddie crossed his arms, face already formed into a pout.

“Hey that’s not fair, you know I suck at those murder mystery games!”  

“Well it’s a mystery why I’m still friends with you” Eddie smirked as Richie let out a dramatic gasp, clutching his chest as if Eddie had shot him on the spot.

As he turned to leave down the driveway Richie shouted “see you tomorrow!” Eddie turned around briefly to wave at Richie before scurrying off towards his own house and out of Richie’s sight.                

           After dinner Richie went to bed peacefully, happy with how the day went. That was before he was awoken at 3:21 am.

           Richie was a heavy sleeper, he had always been since a young child. That night he did not hear a window creaking open or shoes shuffling on carpet, he wasn’t awake until a gentle hand began to stroke his hair. Even then Richie was still dancing between sleep and consciousness. He shifted, opening his eyes just barely only to close them again then repeating the process a few more times before comprehending that for a hand to touch his head it needed to be attached to a person that was presumably in his room. His eyes opened fully to see a dark figure standing over him.

           Shock would have set quickly into his veins if not for the hand still combing its way through his hair, daring him to sleep once again. He made a sound that was a mix between a grunt and a slurred “what”. The hand retracted as Richie grabbed his glasses off his night stand. While the figure was less blurry they were still just as dark and only after his eyes adjusted did Richie catch the face of the intruder. The sliver of moonlight peaking from behind the clouds illuminating just enough for recognition to kick in.

“Eddie?” Richie questioned, head feeling like it was stuffed with cotton.

Eddie jerked back slightly, his face still mostly shadows. Richie was having a hard time making the connections his brain needed to make. “Richie” Eddie said finally and if Richie were more lucid maybe he would have caught the distinct wetness Eddie’s voice carried. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Richie rubbed his eyes, “What are you doing here man?” He went to turn on his lamp but Eddie grabbed his wrist.

“No don’t.” Richie was taken aback “Sorry its just…“ There was hesitation in his voice and Richie started to wonder if this was a dream, it felt too weird to be reality. “I needed to see you.” There is another pause as Eddie let go of Richie’s wrist before kneeling down beside the bed. Richie felt the warmth of a hand on his cheek. “Richie I need you to listen carefully. I’m going to be gone for…“ he breathed in sharply “I- I’m not sure how long. But I promise you I will be back ok?”

“Eddie you’re not making any sense” Richie’s voice dripped with confusion as his gut started to tug at itself. This wasn’t the Eddie that Richie knew, this wasn’t the spitfire that always spoke his mind and was trustworthy to a fault. No this Eddie sounded uncertain and scared.

“I know, I’m sorry” Richie thinks he hears a sniffle, “I can’t….just remember I’ll be back Richie, please remember that.” Eddie leans forward and rests his head on Richie’s shoulder as he begins to shake.

Richie wraps his arms around Eddie, softly running his hand down his back. They stay like that for a moment and Richie starts to wonder again if this is an elaborate dream.

Eddie pulls back, “Richie I-“ he says it like something important is dancing on the tip of his tongue ready to dive, but he just shakes his head “I have to go” he slips away before Richie can protest. “Go back to sleep Rich. I’ll be back, I promise.” Eddie stumbles backwards and slips out the window. Soon the room settles into a lull like Eddie was never there to begin with.

The clock reads 3:35 am. Richie stays in his bed debating if he should get up and chase after Eddie but his consciousness makes the decision for him as he begins to fade into his dreams once again. Sleep overtakes him, thoughts of Eddie still swaying at the edge of his mind. Richie decides to talk to him in the morning. He will realize later that this was the worst decision of his life.

Eddie Kaspbrak was never seen in Derry again.

Thank you for reading! If you are interested please check out my AO3 as I probably won’t post anymore chapters on Tumblr. Feel free to leave comments and constructive criticism! 

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it #it chapter 2 #fanfic #my art #it movie #losers club #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #stan uris #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #writing

[ashfountainfanfics]

“This is ridiculous,” Mike sighs in exasperation, “my friends and I had nothing to do with any of this.”

The detective at the other end of the table doesn’t seem to accept this. She’s a recent transplant from another state. Most of the Derry police department leaves Mike be, summing up his interest in police matters as a side effect of his fascination with Derry history. She doesn’t seem to be interested in giving that same assumption.

“You keep saying that,” she pushes, “but I think it’s strange that you show up to all the crime scenes and that two of your friends harassed one of the victims. Not to mention that Henry Bowers was found dead under your place of residency.”

Mike is growing more and more frustrated. It was surreal when the police showed up at dinner last night. The Losers Club plus the small group of cops nearly overwhelmed the small Italian place they’d been enjoying.

Bev, Ben, and Eddie are sitting in the lobby while Richie and Bill are in cuffs. Mike is somewhere between the two options or so he figures. He’s not sure he likes those odds.

Detective Lopez fixes him with a look that lacks any hint of retreat or gentility. She’s a no nonsense kind of woman. Her curly, dark hair is cropped in a pixie cut and her face is bare and set in a deadpan expression. Her blouse is a gray button up and the lanyard of her badge is tucked under her collar.

“It’s a small town,” Mike responds, “coincidences are everywhere.”

“Nothing is ever just a coincidence. Did you know Mr. Bowers?”

Mike calmly explains how Henry Bowers was the resident bully when they were children. How often that bullying went past simple pranks and low grade violence. To stop at calling Henry a bully was like trying to call Ted Bundy just an unfortunate date.

“You can ask Ben about his scar, that should give you a clue.”

“I understand that Mr Bowers had a history of violence and mental illness-“

“Being an angry white boy is not a mental illness,” Mike points out.

“Agreed,” Detective Lopez says flatly, “but that isn’t my point. My point is that several children and a man named Adrian Melon are dead and the escape of Mr. Bowers does not correlate with those deaths.”

“It doesn’t correlate with the arrival of my friends either. They weren’t here.”

“But you were.”

Mike is taken aback by the remark. All this time he’s been keeping watch, dreading the day that Derry needed saving but looking to save it nonetheless. Not that this town ever gifted him much beyond tolerance. He has no adult friends here, no significant others, only a series of routine faces that note his presence. Derry, Maine isn’t friendly or good. It’s not even scenic but he wanted to save it anyway. His jaw tightens.

“Of course I was here. I live in Derry. I’ve lived here most of my life, where else would I be?”

“You didn’t know these kids. You didn’t know Adrian Melon. Why did you visit the crime scenes? What business did you have being there?”

Detective Lopez is standing over him now with her hands planted on the table. She does this all calmly with very direct body movements. She never lets her frustration get to her. She harnesses it into orderly conduct and in a way it’s terrifying.

But she’s an outsider without all the facts. You can tell she comes from a big city by her demeanor and her thought process. Often a crime is committed by someone close to the victim or someone that makes themselves close. Contrary to the movies, the person most likely to kill you is the one in plain sight and right next to you. Monsters that hide in the dark and stalk you like prey aren’t the norm.

Mike is glad that he and his friends got rid of that norm for Derry.

“Detective Lopez? Have you ever seen someone die-“

“Of course I have. I’m a homicide detective.”

“I wasn’t finished,” Mike insists, “I was asking if you’ve ever seen someone die when you were a child?”

This gives her pause. Her elbows soften the smallest amount and her hesitancy is plain to Mike. She doesn’t sit. There’s no way she’s backing down that quickly but it’s clear she’s listening.

“I can’t say I have, why?”

“If you take the time to look into me a bit more you’ll know that my parents died in a fire and I was in the other room. I was too little to help them. I couldn’t save them.”

Now Detective Lopez sits down. Her posture is unnaturally straight and her gaze is still unwavering. This is either the best she can do to convey being receptive or it’s the most she’s willing to give.

“Can you imagine the sort of impact that has? I couldn’t even put down a sheep on the farm I grew up on. The idea of causing harm to anyone or anything, indirect or necessary or otherwise, still makes me sick. So please, Detective Lopez, don’t insult me with what you’re trying to infer.”

“Be blunt then. What were you doing?”

“Trying to see if there was a way to stop it. If you look at our history, you’ll see there’s a pattern. Every 27 years since the town was formed, a stretch of terrible things happen. That’s longer than I’ve been alive. Longer than my family’s been in Derry.

I thought maybe if I could pay attention for the next phase I could find the connection. I could save them.”

Mike can see that she’s regarding him as an absolute looney but Mike hopes it’s the harmless kind. She can picture him tinfoil hat and all if it means she doesn’t see him as a murderer.

“And what did you find?”

Mike decides that this is as good a time as any to tell one last lie. It’s not like she’d understand the truth of the matter. She’s the type to only accept hard facts and indisputable evidence. There isn’t anything he can show her to back the truth. Nothing but a lot of rubble on Neibolt street.

“I found nothing. Whatever makes this town the way it is, it’s not for me to understand.”

It’s not entirely a lie. Pennywise was just a part of what made Derry the way it is. Its death isn’t going to cure Derry of its bigotry overnight. There will still be small minded people, violent people. Mike will never understand that.

“So you’re giving up? Just like that?”

“I almost died because a literal living relic of my past broke out of an insane asylum and tried to kill me. I think that’s a sufficient wake up call that I’ve wasted too much time on this town and my own baggage.”

Mike can’t tell if she’s buying it or not. Detective Lopez gives away nothing. She’s an absolute professional to the core. Mike respects that. Derry could use someone on the force who can’t be swayed.

“I may need you to call you back in to corroborate a few stories so don’t skip town,” she gives him a curt nod, “You’re free to go.”

Detective Lopez opens the door to Mike’s freedom. Mike has a feeling that the others have been given similar instructions or that they will be given them. He wonders briefly if they should have thought ahead to confirm a set story with each other but he thinks better of it. None of the Losers are crazy enough to tell the truth.

“Hanlon, wait,” the detective stops him as soon as he’s out of the door frame, “tell your comedian friend that making jokes isn’t going to work with me. It’s not endearing and he’s digging a much bigger hole for himself.”

“Ma’am, with all due respect, trying to get him to stop is a joke in and of itself.”

—-

“Her first name is Jennifer!” Richie shouts as if wounded, “Last name Lopez! What did you want me to do?”

Richie can tell that his lawyer is not amused. His voice sounds really far away and it is. He’s driving to Derry as fast as he can.

“Richie, this isn’t your usual legal trouble. This isn’t stolen material or a damaged room-“

“That was one time and I was still a baby! How was I supposed to know what ecstasy looks like? You’re about to see the podunk town I grew up in, man.”

“They’re talking homicide!”

“I still cry over Bambi, for fuck’s sake. Do you seriously think I’d kill anyone for fun?”

“Of course not.”

Roger Clemming has been Richie’s lawyer since the start of his career. He’s a cousin of his manager and normally Roger has no qualms about representing Richie. Most of his legal cases aren’t even his; the man doesn’t write his own stand up so he can’t exactly be held responsible if it’s stolen. Richie Tozier is an easy client.

“I didn’t even mean to kill him. He had Mike and it was clear that old Bowers was totally batshit. I reacted. I don’t know.”

“So we have a witness. That’s good. The more witnesses the better. I just wish you hadn’t pissed off the Detective.”

“Yeah yeah I’m an asshole but I didn’t say anything about the case. And I stayed away from ass jokes!”

“I’m sure that’s what will save you.”

The Derry police station is not a big place. The holding cell is visible to the front lobby and there’s only two private rooms; the sheriff’s office and an interrogation room. Richie can see Eddie, his arms crossed and his face looking like he bit into a lemon.

Stressed out, Eddie spaghetti? You’re not on this end of the station.

“Be honest with me, Roger, am I going to jail or not?” Richie clings to a rare moment of seriousness.

“You defended someone from an escaped convict. If you sit back and don’t make an ass out of yourself we may not even go to court.”

Richie sighs and he wishes he could telepathically share this news with Eddie. He stares down Eddie in the hopes that somehow they do share a psychic link. Eddie remains pissed at some very specific wall instead.

“And, uh, my friend? Bill?”

“I’m not sure a trial can be avoided on that, but as long as there’s no physical evidence then the best they’ve got is circumstantial with no real motive. They’ll be grasping at straws if they charge him. Dead kids do make for angry parents though and sometimes they’ll pull a guy to trial because they’ve got no one else to blame.”

“So 50/50 chance?”

“40/60 of an arrest being made and I can’t begin to estimate the odds on him being found guilty. That all comes down to the kind of town your Derry, Maine.”

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!” Richie groans and buries his face into his free hand.

“Watch it, Tozier,” the nearby cop warns him.

Richie apologizes and feigns composure.

“Sorry kid,” Roger’s using his turn signal given the soft ticking in the background, “I’ll do my best but I make no promises.”

Richie mutters a sentiment of gratitude before hanging up. It would still be the better part of a day and a half before his representation gets here. Technically he’s not even sure if Bill wants Roger to represent him but Richie figures it couldn’t hurt to arrange it. After all, do either of them really want to trust whatever a Derry lawyer looks like?

---

Bill settles in for the night. To be honest, he’s slept in far more uncomfortable places than a holding cell. He wasn’t always a big famous writer. He remembers when he had to sleep in his shitty, used Toyota back in the early days. Now he’s got two houses, a celebrity wife, and a second movie deal. None of which he’s particularly sure he wants anymore.

It’s startling how unconcerned Bill is about the charge against him. He’s been taken in on suspicion of murder but Bill knows damn well he didn’t kill that kid and Detective Lopez doesn’t have much of anything on him except that he was seen yelling at the child earlier at the day and had been spotted at the carnival. 

Bill didn’t want to seem entirely unhelpful though despite knowing they were never going to catch what killed that boy. He offered an account of what he thought was an animal attack but it was difficult to make out. Richie’s lawyer probably won’t like that he talked without him present but Bill doesn’t really care.

Bill blamed the yelling on a mental breakdown. His hometown memories were complicated and a failing marriage and work pressure wasn’t helping. When he saw a kid about Georgie’s age living in his old house, he lost it. It was easy to sell this because it wasn’t really a lie. Detective Lopez did make a comment to Bill about how childhood trauma seems very convenient in this town but Bill didn’t know how to respond outside of confusion.

“All right, everyone,” a tired cop announces into the lobby, “Y’all should get yourselves to bed. Visiting hours are over.”

The other members of the Loser’s Club are essentially draped across each other in the lobby and half asleep already. Ben is in the middle like some sort of handsome centerpiece. He has an arm over Beverly and Mike is leaning on his free shoulder. Meanwhile, Eddie is sitting on the floor at Ben’s feet looking tense and irritated.

They gather themselves up except for Eddie who continues to sit on the floor.

“Eddie, honey,” Beverly says softy, “it’s time to go.”

“Richie and Bill didn’t do anything wrong. I will leave when they do.”

Bill chuckles a bit at this and looks over to Richie on the other side of the holding cell. The look on his face gives him pause because it’s not what he was expecting. Eddie looks genuinely frightened in here. He’s also watching Eddie as if looking at the last boat on a sinking ship; one that’s just too far out of reach. Bill isn’t sure what to make of that.

“They’ll be okay,” Mike assures the sulking man on the floor, “I know these cops. They’re decent.”

Eddie doesn’t respond.

“Sweetie,” Bev is getting a hint of irritation to her voice, “we can come back in the morning.”

“I refuse to get up. This is a protest.”

Bev sighs and looks to Ben.

“We’re going to have to force him.”

“Force him?” Ben asks back incredulously, “Force him how?”

“Ben, he weighs 90 pounds soaking wet, what do you think?”

“Oh Lord,” Mike immediately understands the implication.

Ben thinks about it for a second and it dawns on him the same exact time it dawns on Eddie. Ben is briefly horrified by the idea.

“You wouldn’t” Eddie challenges him.

Ben looks helplessly at Bev who shrugs as if to say that there’s no other way. Eddie recoils as Ben clearly accepts his orders and approaches Eddie with strong arms ready to lift him. His stance is that of someone attempting to capture a wild animal.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t you fucking touch me!” Eddie screams while rapidly kicking his legs to slide away.

Bill again turns to get Richie’s reaction to all this. He’s pleased to see Richie desperately stifling a chuckle. The cop stationed here for the evening seems to be frozen in disbelief as one grown man is trying to catch another and that other fully grown adult man is essentially crab scuttling his way to safety.

On reflex, Eddie sends a hard kick and gets Ben right in the shin. Ben stops his pursuit to cradle it.

“Eddie! What the hell!?” Bev scolds him.

“Now that’s enough!” the cop finally sees fit to reanimate, “I’ve seen some bull shit in my day but I won’t have a brawl in the station! Sort yourself out or I’ll put you in holding! Got it?”

Eddie gets up from the floor.

“Oh no,” Richie says quietly.

Bill’s confused but looks back to the scene playing out before him. Eddie looks apologetic and humbly confronts Ben.

“Sorry, Ben” he says meekly.

“It’s just my shin,” Ben responds, “It’ll bruise but it’s fine.”

“No, I’m sorry about this.”

Eddie uses his whole body to send a punch right into the side of Ben’s scruffy and very shocked face. Eddie’s fist retreats just as quickly as it had departed and he’s shaking out the pain of contact. Ben cups his cheek, obviously not very wounded. The man’s essentially built like a brick house for fuck’s sake. This does get the cop moving though.

Eddie is escorted into the holding cell with Bill and Richie. Richie looks in awe of Eddie either because he was so reckless or stupid Bill can’t figure which. He does have sneaking suspicion however that Eddie’s little stunt has more to do with Richie than with Bill himself.

Eddie is still pouting and sits square on the floor all over again.

“The little guy will be free to go after he cools down, unless you want to press charges,” the cop asks Ben.

“What? No. No… it’s fine.”

Mike quietly exits as quickly as possible. He’s clearly done with the nonsense that just played out. Bev and Ben stay behind a minute as Bev checks his cheek over again. Bill can make out the soft conversation they’re having but just barely. She’s apologizing for her plan, saying she didn’t think Eddie would fight that much.

“No no, it was a good idea,” Ben assures her.

Bill can see the way that comment washes over her. Ben was always full of a certain sincerity and purity that none of the other Losers ever really had. He’s soft and probably the only one of them that didn’t end up with a ridiculous amount of paranoia or cynicism. Bill doubts that Ben is unscathed but it looks like he at least had the good sense not to unleash his unknown trauma on anyone else.

Unlike Bill and his marriage to Audra.

It’s painfully clear to Bill right now just how much Audra looks like Beverly. They’ve got similar frames, similar facial structures and they’re both redheads. Granted, Audra’s red comes from a salon but it suits her as naturally as it does Bev. They could be sister’s.

‘Why can’t you be how I want you to be?’ Bill remembers saying to Audra not long before he took off to Derry. He’s disgusted with the comment now. He’s disgusted with the fact that he kissed Beverly and it meant more to him than his entire marriage. He’s disgusted with himself.

“See you in the morning, boys,” Bev waves to everyone in holding.

She doesn’t give Bill any special treatment. No lingering eye contact or wistful gaze. It’s as if she never had a crush on him at all, as if they’ve never shared anything. Before it always felt as if she was looking to Bill and now she’s looking at Ben.

Despite a sense of heartbreak, Bill takes comfort in that difference.

---

There’s only two beds in the holding cell. One of which is already taken up by Bill who is sound asleep. Eddie is still sitting on the floor and up against the wall. He watches for the cop to doze off. Sure enough, he’s starting to snore in his chair.

Eddie quietly and carefully scootches over to Richie. Richie’s been lying on other cot, entertaining himself with some sort of impromptu, silent puppet show. He breaks from it as he notices Eddie encroaching on his personal bubble.

“Hey,” Eddie whispers.

“Hi…” Richie answers.

Eddie isn’t sure of how to move forward. Originally he had mapped out exactly what to say after the gang’s celebratory dinner. He was going to apologize for kissing Richie, explain again that he had panicked. He would ask that they move forward from this and go back to normal. He wanted to reassure him that he is very alive and not going to die anytime soon too. He wanted to know how much it meant to him that Richie cared so much. He never knew he was that important to anyone.

Eddie did not plan on embracing his inner chaos and landing himself in a cell for the night. He still isn’t entirely sure what came over him in that moment. The idea of leaving just hit so hard and quickly that he couldn’t do it.

“I went to jail for you,” he glares at Richie.

Well that’s not a good start, Eddie mentally notes.

“I see this. I’ll file it under your list of uncharacteristically brave fuckery.”

“I mean that I want to talk. We need to talk.”

“Oh.”

There’s a pause between them. That pause grows into a prolonged period. That period slinks into awkward silence. Eddie is aware since he brought up the conversation that he should actually start it but his head is empty. All he can think about is how the stab wound in his cheek hurts and how flustered Richie looks.

“Look, man,” Richie gives in, “We don’t have to talk. I get it. You panicked. Case closed. Mystery solved. We both deserve a Scooby snack for that epic conclusion.”

Eddie realizes for the first time that Richie is hiding behind his humor. He feels like an idiot for not noticing sooner but his eyes are a dead give away. Richie is making more eye contact now than usual. It’s like he’s forcing himself to present a put together facade. He’s watching Eddie to make sure he believes it.

Eddie wonders if it might be prudent to look at Richie in a different light. In childhood, he was always just that asshole friend. He liked to pick on him but never past annoyance. You’d think trying to steer clear of Henry Bowers would have made Eddie resistant to a friendship built on teasing. In retrospect, Eddie’s not sure what did open him up to it. By all logical accounts, Richie shouldn’t mean much of anything to Eddie and vice versa.

“Why do you do that?” he decides to approach it directly.

“I’m a comedian, Eds. Cracking a bad joke is as natural to me as breaking wind.”

Eddie could easily feed into this but he doesn’t want to. He physically sits up straighter and takes a calm breath in. It’s tempting to write Richie off as immature and continue down the rabbit hole of humor at Eddie’s expense but he refuses. Richie is keeping a secret of some kind which seems painfully obvious to Eddie now. If he’s ever going to move forward from recent events he’ll need to know what it is.

“What are hiding?” he leans in close.

Richie’s face loses all color. He stammers for a moment and Eddie is secretly pleased with himself. He’s so used to Richie getting at him that it is deeply satisfying for the tables to turn. Eddie tries not to stay in that mentality though. He wants answers not revenge.

“Bill’s the one with the stutter,” Eddie points out, “fess up. You’re hiding something from me and you’re using your crap jokes to do it. I won’t go to sleep until you tell me what’s going on.”

It seems a little overkill but Eddie is feeling the dramatics today. They saved each other’s lives earlier. They should be able to talk. Eddie debates their closeness as he waits for an answer. Sometimes it felt like they were the closest two people in the room and other times they were the furthest. Eddie wants to know why.

“I- uh,” Richie is sweating at the forehead, “I want to say first that- shit no. Okay, growing up I- fuck no that’s going to take forever.”

Eddie continues to glare down his friend. It’s not that he wants to force the truth out of him but rather his concern is growing. Showing Richie his soft side doesn’t come naturally though. So here he is trying to be a good friend but acting like a displeased asshole.

“Okay, here goes,” Richie takes in a breath of confidence, “Dinner.”

“...dinner?”

“Yes.”

“What about… dinner?” Eddie says bewildered before getting accusatory, “I swear to God, Rich, if this is a set up to a mom joke I’ll-“

“Dinner!” Richie says again a bit too loud.

The guard stirs. The two men freeze. A few seconds later a loud snore emerges. Eddie sighs in relief. He’s done just enough to end up in here. He doesn’t want to get in enough trouble to stay.

“You and me. Dinner. Us. Dinner. Together. Y’know, dinner?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and relaxes his shoulders. So it’s not a joke about his mom but a joke nonetheless.

“Oh. I get it. Ha ha, very funny. Like a date,” Eddie comments sarcastically.

“Yes.”

Richie isn’t grinning. He not casually avoiding eye contact either as he does with a usual set up. Instead he’s looking directly at Eddie with everything he’s got. It’s the ‘please believe me’ look from before but in an entirely different context. It’s sincere.

Jesus Christ, I think he fucking means it, Eddie panics.

“Okay,” he finds himself saying even as confused internal screaming fills his insides.

“Shit. Really?” Richie is as shocked as Eddie is.

“Yeah.”

“You’re going on a date.”

“Yes.”

“With me.”

“I guess.”

This is all on the premise that Richie is released in time for a date. He may end up in real jail. Then what would they do? A prison dinner date doesn’t have the most enticing ring to it.

Eddie feels like a part of him has detached from his own brain. Whatever his body is doing is past his control now. The surrealism of this unexpected direction broke him.

“Move over,” Eddie demands quietly.

Richie backs up as far as can, looking absolutely befuddled. Eddie climbs into the small space left on the cot. He’s tired. There’s only two cots and one is taken. It makes direct sense to share at least when you’re not entirely in your own body anyway.

Eddie remembers briefly about how the two of them would often share the hammock as kids. Eddie unceremoniously plopped himself in and fought for space so often that it became customary. He never did it to anyone but Richie though. He was the only one.

Richie braves putting an arm around Eddie and at first Eddie’s spine goes rigid. He’s not ready to think about this, not even sure if acting on it is right yet. He still feels far away from all this even as he Richie’s body heat cradles him.

Something about the way Richie’s hand cups the small of his stomach feels...good. Eddie’s body relaxes and he realizes how fucking exhausted he is. It’s been an exceptionally long 48 hours. A little shut eye and a cuddle isn’t so ludicrous. Even if it is with Richie Trashmouth Tozier.

“Just keep it in your pants,” Eddie yawns before falling asleep.

#it chapter 3 ff #ich3-2 #i really wanted to mimick the scene where richie sets eddie's arm in chapter 1 #like I love that chaotic energy #billverly #light #reddie #benverley

[tslasvegas]

Episode 3: “UGH just rename Luxor to Loser” - Xavier

Well... that takes care of the Timmy problem... Love Timmy... Just didn’t know how our dynamic would be cus he was runner-up to the last survivor game I played which I won. Hm... Well...

That went well. There's nothing like a live video tribal to get people together. and stephen didn't react too badly. but i know now he won't work with me moving forward

I’m sorry I’m terrible at confessionals... So things are going well, I think we have a decent tribe but it is too soon to tell. I’m not a huge fan of creative challenges, at least from my previous game, I guess we will see how that goes. Most of the guys seem nice, still trying to feel everyone out.`

A 4-2 vote off is interesting. Someone is on the bottom for sure. Also, this next challenge is a creative challenge and when I do these solo I usually do really well. Hopefully I can channel that energy into a win for us here because two tribes are going to tribal. We’ll be down to 17 after this, so I’m not sure if we’d go into a tribe swap yet? Maybe 2 tribes of 8 with one person sitting out? 

Oh hot dang, two tribes are going to tribal next time. Probably going to be us :( now it is time to make alliance chats!

....five seconds later

I suspect that after this double vote out that there will be a tribe swap. I hope I end up with Mo and Jaiden at least.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17NPxKO_TKgqjNqsaWlbmlL0jgU36Aygi/view?usp=drivesdk

I really like this challenge. I feel confident about it but at the same time nervous that 2 tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope my tribe wins this one since I still don't know how the tribe feels about me. Wish me luck guys!

My tribe is not going to win this immunity challenge. Our nightclub is due just hours away and we have little nothing done. I am going to have to scramble soon.....I did nothing to help my tribe with the challenge, so if it is me that goes, I would understand 

....five seconds later

Honestly, I want to keep Jaiden and Mo around because I feel closer with them than anyone else. I want to keep Kailyn around because she seems to make time for challenges. Everyone else I am okay with going home, Ben hasn't really done anything soooooo maybe him? Oof

If we lose, then it's 2/3rds my fault and 1/3 Stephen. We better not be on the chopping block if we do lose. This is a two person Tribe as of now. Bobby Jon and Stephenie.

...five seconds later

UGH just rename Luxor to Loser

Second we lose Ben finally responded to my pm’s..... hm..... alright....

Y’all rlly won with a PowerPoint SKDJDJSKLALALL

Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.

All that hard work that went into this challenge really paid off! We scored the best and don’t have to attend tribal!! Which is absolutely exciting! Andrew told me he wanted to work together which is rad. Livingston and I want to work together which is radder. And Joey and i want to work together which is raddest. I haven’t spoken too much with Jeff lately even though we talked quite a bit early on. Pat and I speak occasionally. Stephanie and I didn’t really speak at all until recently but we’ve gotten into a good groove the last few days. I’m feeling pretty good about this game so far. I hope there’s no tribal swap or anything right away.

So when I get my chip total I'm gonna update Keegan. He is currently at a soap making class but I want him to know I am serious about working with him in this game and I think this is a good gesture. - keegan has let me know he has 4 chips and is willing to pool them over to me when we have enough so that we can unlock the store. I let him know I am okay with doing the same thing to him, whichever. But yes this is looking HOT for me. - "what's in the store?" | all i can really assume is advantages. we need 10 chips to unlock it. This is very similar to the Unnamed Season but the betting cap gives us more control. At this point, I don't think anyone can mathematically unlock without pooling chips. Keegan and I just need 1 more chip between us. Let's just hope we aren't separated by a swap or some shit. I am hoping for a bit more time on this amazing tribe to get that set up so I have a good idea of what the store holds.

Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.

We lost again!?!?!?!?!??! I am so surprised? Nah I'm kidding, but I don't care. I don't blame our team for losing because 3/5 of us were panicking because our president could be a cheetoh. I'm voting Stephen tonight, I hope the others follow suit. It SHOULD be simple, but 9 hours is a long time for Survivor; and if he knows it's him then might run around and create some chaos - which would be funny.

Rachael (love her she’s probably who I’m closest with along with DeNara and Kailyn) is not being subtle about the fact that she either has a pre-existing friendship with Ben or is currently aligned with Ben. Because Ben, from my knowledge has not been social with anyone, nor has he been super active and in our alliance chat with Kailyn, Rachael seems uncomfortable with the fact that Ben is said to be the vote and is saying she would prefer someone else to go. But like c’mon you can’t deny he hasn’t been social, and even if I had a friendship with somebody before a game, if they aren’t active I’m voting them out. Also I lied to my tribe a couple times this round because I’m lazy.

UGH. We LOST the challenge!!! And it wasn't even close *grumbles angrily* But it's okay. I'm gonna have to work my pussy out to this entire tribe to make them keep me around! I feel pretty good about this, I believe the target is leaning towards Ben but we'll have to wait and see. I don't think it's possible rn but I'm hoping for a swap soon so I can feel a little more re-energized in this game because my tribe has been super quiet lately... I think people will try to move the vote around so I'm going to use my current lack of employment as an opportunity to make myself stay alive on this tribe lmao

These guys are being super boring and either Jake is dumber than i thought, or shadier than i gave him credit for. Xavier might be trying to play me but regardless its doubtful ill stay. John seems to have the most chance of winning out of these four as hes not overplaying. Kevin hasnt spoken to me since the colin vote and it pisses me off that I might be going home after being one of two people that worked on the challenge when kevin was taken off the chopping block immediately for playing jeopardy. i hate this tribe.

....five seconds later

Johns out, Jake too by the sound of it. Time for plan B, which never works but might as well try. Fake idol time.

Oof well the uhh, “obvious friend group” has picked their target and it just so happens to be the only person I’ve made an actual alliance with :/ Poor DeNara. I really didn’t want to have to vote her off this early if I didn’t have to and then the worst part is she didn’t even hear it from me. Nobody is even mentioning game right now and Rachael is acting legitimately surprised to me when I came to her saying “okay this is an easier vote than I thought”.. even tho Ben claimed he had already talked to her..?? Idk man I must’ve done something wrong along the way but these people LEGITIMATELY don’t talk to me. My instant reaction is leaning towards being bitter but bitterness doesn’t really get me anywhere :/ I feel kinda.. out of it rn emotionally just because of everything else I have going on so if I seem more reserved tonight at tribal than usual, that’s why. I just hope that I’m not still stuck on that damn mountain rolling my dumbass rock back up only to get knocked back down again. I’m remaining optimistic for the future.. let’s keep winning some challenges mmkay

Okay good news, I shouldn't be leaving. But that being said DeNara, you have goT TO PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER. She's packing her bags and from my knowledge she's going to be fine tonight. Hopefully it'll be Ben who's going but DeNara giving up like this isn't helPING. 

....five seconds later

Also I am in two alliances which is cool I guess.

Oops....... and now I'm controlling this vote I think :) It feels good. I don't know what my plan is !! I'm lying to everyone. I basically put myself in a position to be the 4th person in both votes and I love it so much. I keep telling ppl I'm an emotional mess and I think I'll milk that because SOMEONE is going to get betrayed tonight... love that for me. Rachael, Nik, and Ben want to vote out DeNara Mo, Kailyn, and DeNara want to vote out Ben And tbh I would prefer Rachael or Nik!! Since neither of those things are happening I guess it's up to me to decide which way I wanna swing... I hate/love myself for this. I think there are good cases for both people to leave, because I think that getting rid of DeNara strengthens bonds I never had with Rachael and co. while getting rid of Ben just makes me their enemy. Honestly I am starting to lean towards getting rid of DeNara for that sole purpose alone. It'll be messy for sure. Ben provides NOTHING to the game right now and I hate the fact that he announced in his intro that he's just here to backstab people... but villains don't win unless they're sitting next to another villain. He's the goat to me and Rachael right now, but pretty homos like me always win xx I might regret this decision down the road but HOPEFULLY whichever side I take will pay me back in protection down the line. I think I have the charm to smooth shit over w Kailyn and Mo but its up for determination. I think that I have the finesse to beat Rachael in a vote, too, but I don't want to put her back up against the wall just yet..... ;) Anyways... I hope this isn't my last confessional. I wasn't having fun until I found my place. Let's get it on.

It is me or Ben tonight. Guess we will find out who...

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Snowblind (16x15)

I don't know what to even think at this point?

Cons:

I've gone on record saying that Tom Koracick is better than Owen Hunt in every conceivable way, but especially as regards Teddy Altman. But come on. This whole love triangle/quadrangle/pentangle or whatever is getting seriously out of hand. You've got Teddy and Owen, and then Owen and Amelia, Amelia and Link, Teddy and Tom... it's a freakin' mess, and I wish all of these people would get over their bullshit and just sort out their lives. I know that this kind of thing is par for the course on a show like this, but it just goes to show that there's a right way and a wrong way to write trope-filled stories. I've enjoyed plenty of love triangles and messy situations on this show in the past, but this is one that I cannot abide. Teddy is going to feel guilty as shit, Owen is going to find out Amelia's baby might be his, Link is going to cry about it some more... I'm already so exhausted.

Nico has been deflecting with Levi, not addressing the issue about him not being out to his parents. I've got to say, I really like Levi, but I'm feeling frustrated about Nico. They haven't given him as much time to develop, so when he basically gives Levi an ultimatum, telling Levi to stop trying to change him by forcing him to talk about his feelings... it's really hard to see both sides here. I honestly think that's a writing issue. I like Nico. I want to keep liking him, and I want to learn more about him whether or not he and Levi stay together. I just wish their story was being handled with a bit more care, especially after so many great Levi-centric story-lines in recent weeks.

Are they going to kill off Alex? This isn't a complaint about the episode, just a - what the fuck? My guess is maybe he found out he was terminally ill or something, and wanted to leave so Jo and Meredith wouldn't have to watch him die. I know the actor bailed out, and maybe there was drama there, who knows? But from a story-telling standpoint, Alex's exit has so far been very bizarre, and troubling to say the least. This guy has sixteen seasons' worth of development under his belt. It's completely bonkers that he would run off and abandon his wife. It doesn't track with reality at all.

Pros:

Teddy going over to Tom's and kissing him is really annoying, but I loved their silly snowball fight earlier on. Tom's speech about how he's been trying to get in the club for two years really broke my heart. I think a lot of people have maybe felt that way in their lifetime, at some point. I know I feel it where I work, and I used to feel it doing theatre as a kid - like I was never quite in the center of things. Tom is a good man, and Teddy liking him is so sweet. It's just... clearly I'm supposed to think that Teddy kissing Tom is a bad thing, the kind of thing that is going to backfire on her. And here I am, wishing she'd just kick Owen to the curb!

As frustrating as the Alex situation is, I do like Jo and Link's friendship getting more screen-time. Great acting from them both in that final scene, where Jo talks about how she's pretty sure Alex left her, and Link rushes over to offer comfort. They have such good energy as friends who support each other no matter what. I'm glad to finally see that come through.

Bailey essentially adopts Joey, the foster kid who recently turned eighteen. I am actually all about this. Of course it's partially something she's doing in reaction to her recent miscarriage, but also it's built out of several episodes of buildup and trust. And it's like Bailey says - she has extra room, extra food, extra money, extra love to give. (She probably should have discussed it with Ben first, but I suppose that they do have a tradition in their marriage of making big life decisions without talking it over!)

Richard's story-line offered a couple of big surprises. He bonds with a resident and offers to let her do a surgery, only for Levi to stop them just in time - turns out, the woman is not a resident, but his missing patient who he has been tracking all through the hospital. This woman, Tess, has been sick throughout her whole life, and her repeated diagnoses meant that she couldn't finish med school. She just wanted a chance at following her dream. Richard ends up telling her that she still has that chance - she has more obstacles than most people, but she can still make it. And then Richard confesses that his hands have been shaking, and that his days of surgery are over.

This is a lot to process. I really liked Tess' story, and hope she does find a way to make it as a doctor. It's absolutely insane that she was about to cut someone open, but it worked within the confines of the story. And then there's Richard. He has been through hell recently, what with his marriage falling apart, getting fired, etc... and now this. He has a great speech about how his career defined his life more so than any of his relationships, and how he's not sure who he is without it. But he also knows that he got to do what he loved for a long time, and that he's still got a lot of life left to live. Richard is such a natural teacher and nurturer; it seems clear that he still has a future working in the medical field in that capacity, even if his time in the operating room has come to an end.

Then there's the DeLuca situation. He is rightfully and naturally quite upset with Meredith for saying he might be sick like his father, and even points out that he doesn't throw alzheimer's in her face every time she forgets something. And yet, as much as I want to be on Andrew's side here, there's the fact that he went out in a blizzard and walked several miles to fetch a liver for a patient, since the roads outside are all blocked off. He walks three miles both ways without gloves, saving a little girl's life but also doing damage to his hands. Jackson is adamant that Andrew needs to follow instructions or he could lose his hands, so this is clearly serious business. I'm worried for him, and I can totally understand why Meredith and Carina would be concerned.

Cormac and Meredith continue to bond over their dead spouses - I could definitely see this going in a romance direction, and it seems like that's where it's headed, but at the same time, they are also just good for each other because of their shared life experience. Cormac confesses to being lonely - he hasn't been with anyone since his wife's death. Meredith talks about the complexities of that first kiss, first "I love you" after her husband's death. I don't know if Meredith and Andrew are done for good, but Meredith's behavior here felt kind of... wistful, like maybe she can be grateful for what they had and know that it's not meant to last. I don't know if that's where we're headed, but I'm totally pulled in to the story. (Thus proving that a well-developed love triangle is possible!)

Also - the mentions of Cristina were delightful as always. She feels a lot closer to the core of the story this season than she has in a good while. And we even got a Twisted Sister reference!

There are probably details I've missed here - like Maggie confirming Teddy's suspicions, showing once again that she can never be trusted. Or Jackson making up from a fight with Vic that probably happened over on Station 19. I liked this episode, for the most part - I liked that for once, the big "disaster" of a snow storm didn't actually cause most of the drama of the episode. It was more contained, more character driven.

And next week, we get to find out whatever sort of ending they've cobbled together for Alex. I am... dreading it, y'all.

7.5/10

#review #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy review #greys anatomy #greys anatomy review #grey's abc #greys abc