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thechekhov · 4 years

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Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes.

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct?

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’.

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account.

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand.

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning.

2) What is gender?

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc.

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures.

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up:

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being.

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology.

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other.

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements.

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why?

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace.

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control.

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise.

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

#hiimholalate #gender #agender #queer stuff #gender is a social construct #social construct #genderqueer #long post

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denkilightning · 4 years

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I love how the wiki describes denki as "trying to act cool and suave but only having a superficial understanding of how to do so" bdlbsksbskdhksbskbdjfjdknd like if that doesn’t scream neurodivergent idk what does. Also him being super smart but not in academia stuff, what a mood.

hes the 'i dont know what im doing but Dony You Dare tell me what do to' and i love that for him. we stan a neurodivergent king

#denki kaminari #*ask #hiimholalate

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xryn-art · 4 years

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Hello hi yes I am super invested in the linguistics au, it's so good sbdkddldndmvudhbwlebejrjelwnhekfbf I'm loving all the angst lmao but also your drawings are very cute and I just wanted to show my appreciation for the comics uwu

aksjfjskakdjd that's so sweet of you to say tysm ;-; I'm glad you're enjoying the comics so far!!

#its funny that you mention the cutesy art style thing #i just spent a few hours trying to paint something spoopy and my biggest issue was trying to stop it from looking too cute #is it possible to use a cutesy art style for evil purposes? i sure hope so #ask #hiimholalate

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lllluka · 5 years

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If you're doing the expression chart thing, do luka 3D

XY “accidentally” throws a dart at luka and continues to be one of the only two people on the planet (the other being bob) to piss him off to the point of yelling

#luka couffaine #XY #xavier-yves roth #XY Roth #hiimholalate

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marciaillust · 5 years

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I just read your comic and I'm in love???? I asmdghsfkl i love the characters so much and i'm living for the shitpost here at Tumblr but also the page looks so good! The aesthetic is really nice and I also have a webcomic and i want to make a page for it too but i don't know where to start, any advice?

Hi! Thank you for your kind words!When it comes to making a site for your comic you will need two things: a domain aka the site’s address, and the service that will host/build your site. Both of those things you will have to pay for, usually on a monthly basis.And here comes my first advice: if you think that your comic would do perfectly fine on a free comic hosting site like tapas or webtoons then there might be no need for you to purchase the stuff I just mentioned. The main reason I created the site is, I wanted to be more experimental with my comic and I found that tapas (where tcm was originally hosted) wouldn’t let me do that. If your goal is to just post pages weekly for your readers you may find that the free services are sufficient.

Now let’s move on to the site hosting services. There are many out there. I bet everyone here that watches vids on YT had heard of squarespace? Yup, you will need something like that. I highly suggest going through your options with Google’s help - there are even tutorials specific to your question, how to make a webcomic site. The service I found to be suitable for myself is Wix.Here is another piece of advice: each of those hosting services should have a “free” option (without a domain/with adds, you know the stuff). Use that and try and build your own site to check out the service, see if you like it! Another advice while we’re at it: design your page before you start. Literally draw it on a piece of paper, include all the links, logo, everything you need so you can truly test how close to your idea these services get.Once you have the service, build your webpage, purchase the domain, link the two and your page is ready :) The process itself is really simple but the entire setting up/building the site bit + doing your research can take quite a lot of time. I hope this helps! Have a nice day

#hiimholalate

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drawbauchery · 6 years

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Hi I'd just like to take a moment to say your art is like some kind visual drug or something. I mean. I didn't like kyman but your drawings are just so cute??? And like, I was scrolling through your sp tag and I just couldn't stop screaming? Your drawings are great really and you seem like a very cool person!! Just needed to say that c:

thank you!! o////o alskdfn what a sweet thing to say >/////

#hiimholalate #asks

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randomreasonstolive · 6 years

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I don't think telling my doctor I'm feeling bad emotionally will be a good idea, I have some heart issues that need treatment and I don't want to tell my doctors about my feelings because, in the early stages of my heart issues, I had a terrible headache 24/7 for 6 months and my neurologist DENIED referring me to other doctors or doing other studies, "she's a teenager, she's stressed and wants attention to cope with it" was her mentality, I don't want that happening again.

Hello here.

It sounds like you need a different doctor!

Doctors, like any other profession, are people who are getting paid to do their jobs. If they aren’t doing their jobs correctly, they don’t deserve your payment. Be it through insurance or other methods, if this person isn’t meeting your needs then you CAN ask for someone else!

If that person’s superiors or your insurance wants to know why, tell them exactly what she said. Because stating “She wants attention to cope with it” is not an acceptable thing to say. Teenagers are stressed and they need help to cope - especially someone with heart issues!

With heart issues that need treatment, getting help for your emotional issues is vital! And if someone is unwilling to help you, then that person is in the wrong. It doesn’t matter if you’re a teenager, if you’re having struggles - especially if they’re effecting your heart - then you need help with them! It’s really, really frustrating and frankly disgusting to me that this doctor would have said such a thing.

Try to ask a different doctor for a recommendation, if possible. A GP or even your insurance (if they’re a good one) may be able to help. Being a teenager is only the start of emotional struggles - and is quite possibly one of the most vital times to start getting that help - so if someone is denying you your right to help then try to ask someone else.

“Wanting attention” and needing help are two different things. And, to be frank, if someone wants attention, it’s for a good reason. Not giving children/teenagers the attention they need to cope with things that are going on in their lives only makes mental illnesses far, far worse. A few studies out there have shown that issues such as BPD are perpetuated by ignoring a child’s needs. It’s not selfish to need attention.

I sincerely hope this helped. I’m not sure I’m making much sense because, to be honest, your doctor saying that has really riled me up. They sound like someone who is awful at their job and they don’t deserve to be practicing medicine.

Please know that I love you and I really hope your week starts to look up.

-N

#not reason #response #advice #frustration #hiimholalate

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neverthelesstheinvisibleelf-blog · 2 years

Text

Writing about Epilepsy

@silver-stargazing @the-twitchy-life @fuckepilepsy @gomaduck and of course @justepilepsy @the-epileptic-toh-blog @hiimholalate thank you all for your kind answers about my question on absence seizures

It really helped me to actually approach writing something that I myself just never really experienced. (Which at first made me feel pretty uncomfortable.) I still don’t know if I actually managed to achieve it … but well I tried.

I also found the frivolous note about the hotness of the character very interesting and I might try to incorporate it at some point. (The main obstacle is that I myself do not really notice if or when people are physically attractive. I am much more drawn towards character traits that I find interesting. The other thing is that this story and this character is not a new thing it has been growing in my head for … a lot of years now. So, Fred just already exists. I just didn’t know much about his epilepsy before.)

Oh and as a psychology student who has performed testing on someone who was having an inpatient EEG because of suspected epilepsy. Yes, I can thoroughly imagine that that is one of the most boring days ever.

Also, thank you for the thoughts on control. I haven’t yet thought about it much but I will now!

I actually managed to write something! But I am really not sure if I managed to do you justice. So, if you have the time and the inspiration I would very much appreciate your feedback (because I probably fucked up at one point or another)

I hope this scene provides enough context. Because all of the context isn’t written yet. And the stuff that is written is over 40.000 words long… (Context can be found here or here) I just tried to explain it and it sounds way too boring…. just bother me if you want to know more!

The only really important thing is that it is about a group of friends who meet each other in a international exchange programme and lived together in Prague for a few years. This story takes place a few years after. And Ianna is a nickname for Lilli, so they are the same person. As is Rosie and Lynn and Princess Annmarie.

The room was surprisingly nice. The sofa Fred was sitting on reminded him of this one period film set in the Victorian age in England that his mom liked so much and the side table on his left looked like it was made from mahogany. On top of it was a lamp that looked so antique it easily could have been built with candles in mind, not the light bulb it now held and the artwork in golden frames looked like it could also adorn the walls of an art gallery.

Malu hadn’t strayed from his side their entire way to the palace and didn’t say a wuff when they were led into this room. One guard had demanded for the husky to stay behind but Malu had just stared at him so intensely the guard forgot all about his demand. The dog needed to be with Fred, everybody was somehow convinced of that.

Now though, they were alone inside a pretty room, so Malu was investigating the floor-length velvet green curtains by the window. This indicated that he deemed the room safe. A notion Fred couldn’t really agree with yet.

It wasn’t really the holding cell Fred had expected to end up in. Actually, when he rushed to the palace entrance with more panic than a plan he had never once expected to be let in. But there was still no real evidence that this posh, lavish salon wasn’t just a very luxurious mock-up for a holding cell and any minute a policeman would enter holding an arrest warrant. Because the only reason he could imagine as to why he wasn’t sent away yet was also the reason he was pretty sure he would end up in jail by the end of the night.

Malu suddenly abandoned the curtains and came over to lay his head in Fred’s lap and whined. Fred smiled and started to scratch his dog’s ears. It didn’t really ease any of his worries but at least it gave his hands something to do.

He could hear a door opening behind and braced himself for the inevitable.

Fred blinked slowly. He felt a little foggy all of a sudden. In front of him was an undeniably elegant middle-aged woman in a form-fitting dark grey pants-suit who he swore wasn’t there a second ago. The headache behind his forehead was new as well. His brain somehow felt as if it was working at half the speed it normally did.

The woman gazed at him rather suspiciously and Fred slightly shook his head hoping to get rid of at least some of the confusion that had manifested so suddenly. Malu pressed his head into his hands a little more forcefully and the cloudy haze lifted just enough to catch what the woman was saying.

“...-pect a visit from a self-proclaimed friend of my daughters.” It sounded rather like the end of the question than the beginning.

Daughter? Was this Rosie’s mom? Holy Hell! Was this the queen? She surely would have introduce… He was missing a little time. Oh no… This couldn’t be happening!

This couldn’t be happening! He didn’t have a seizure in years! He had his medication and it’s been working… Had he taken his medication today? Did he even pack enough pills? He couldn’t really remember counting them. Ianna had interrupted…

Malu woofed at the same time as the queen asked rather sharply, “Excuse me! Do I need to repeat myself?” Fred couldn’t help himself but kept staring at her without a notable reaction. His mind insisted on only repeating his most unhelpful thoughts. This couldn’t be happening!

Malu whined again and the thoughts retreated for now. They would probably return to torture him at a later time. But even his unhelpful mind seemed to realise that this was not the time for worries. Fred lifted himself up and tried to exude all the professionalism that he might have absorbed in some internship or another.

The queen took a seat across from him and stared at him with calculating grey eyes. And Fred hoped that this meant that she would hear him out despite this less than stellar start to their conversation.

‘Don’t panic, Fred! Everything is going to be fine!’ He tried to tell himself while another - very unhelpful - part of his brain reminded him that hyperventilating was a very common seizure trigger. He couldn’t really do anything right now. And besides, he wasn’t really at a risk of injuring himself when he zoned out a few times now. It would just be even more embarrassing than the situation already was. So, everything was fine. Just continue as planned.

“I’m sorry. I spent the last day arguing with several people on the phone. And the day before I was on several different planes just to get here. My manners are usually better than this.” Fred was proud of himself. That wasn’t even a lie and at the same time a pretty believable excuse!

“My name is Frederic Eric Nyanda. I am a very new human rights lawyer and two days ago I was woken up by a very tearful and desperate call from one of my best friends who I am assuming is your daughter.” He summarised the basic reasons for his being here. (Conveniently leaving out the fact that his other best friend probably already broke into the palace.)

The queen was twirling something between her fingers and Fred recognized it as the ring he’d used to convince the palace guards to let him in. “And because my daughter is apparently such good friends with you - even though she never explicitly mentioned you - she entrusted you with her sigil ring?” The queen continued his train of thought.

“Erm… yes?” It sounded too much like a question to be considered believale. “So… she didn’t exactly give it to me… She forgot it at my place when she was visiting while I was getting my law degree in another city and when I wanted to give it back to her she told me to keep it…” Was that convincing? Or would he be tried for theft in addition to fraud now? Did this even qualify as fraud? He just knew too little about Losikan law!

The queen’s steel grey eyes regarded him closely as if she was deciding whether to throw him in the dungeon or entertain him for a little bit longer. (Did they even have dungeons here?) It felt like an enternity passed before she finally put the ring in her pocket and sat back on her chair.

“Another very intriguing coincidence is that our lawyer, Mrs. LeBlanc - and now you desperately need to speak with us already. Barely two hours after you got off the phone with her. This seems strange, doesn’t it Mr. Nyanda?”

The headache had gotten worse now. And Fred needed to blink a few more times to shake the exhaustion and convince his eyes to stay alert. Malu had put his paws on his legs and whined again. Fred distractedly fondled his ears and tried to convince him to lay down by his feet while he thought about what the queen had just said. The wording was kind of weird…or wait…

Did.. Did he have another seizure? He really should get a full night's sleep and take some medication as soon as possible. At least he didn’t seize while he was talking and he still didn’t miss any crucial information. He could still extrapolate. (At least he hoped so.)

Malu could finally be convinced to lay down his feet. He acted as if he were sleeping even if Fred could tell with one look that he was not. Despite everything the mere presence of the dog gave Fred hope that he would somehow manage to work through his foggy brain.

“Erm… Yes, that is correct. I agree that seems somewhat contradictory. But there were… unforeseen circumstances so -”

Suddenly the doors to the small sitting room burst open and a determined Ianna strutted in followed by two rather disgruntled but ultimately powerless guards. “We… we really couldn’t stop her!”, one of the guards tried to excuse the sudden interruption.

After taking one look at his friend, Fred immediately decided that he wouldn’t say a peep about his seizures. Explaining that he already had two seizures because of all the stress and sleeplessness (and because he might have missed some of his medication), was really not a good idea when Ianna already looked like she was on the warpath.

“What I wanted to say was that I could have waited. But she could not!” He finally explained to the queen, nonchalantly pointing his finger at Ianna. (This way she would hopefully be distracted from his own strange behaviour.)

The queen didn’t really listen to him. She was too distracted by the breach in security that was the entirety of Ianna. “Who are you?” She almost screamed at the intruder.

Lilli just smirked and answered overly friendly, “It’s nice to meet you, too!”. She bent down to pet Malu who merely looked up when he heard her voice. Then she sat down on the sofa beside Fred. “Sorry, Freddie-Boy but I really got bored out of my brain listening to you terrorizing people on the phone!”

Fred just sighed exaggeratedly (in the hopes that Lilli finally noticed how much of a pain she was to deal with) and buried his head in his hands. “Just so you know, I was going to meet with the royal family's lawyer tomorrow morning. But you already decided it was a better idea to break into the palace!”

Fred almost yelled that last part although he was sure that it wouldn’t really impress Ianna. The queen on the other hand raised an eyebrow. “I am guessing that you are another self-proclaimed friend of my daughter’s”, she said in Lilli’s direction.

Ianna just shrugged. “If your daughter is the very tiresome, increasingly annoying best friend I managed to acquire a few years ago then yes!” Then she turned to Fred. “And I was still right to break into this place because that stupid idiotka isn’t here!”

Fred felt like someone had purposely taken the ground from underneath his feet. “What do you mean she isn’t here? She called me and told me to come to Losnik!”

“She called you?” The queen asked, alarmed, suddenly sitting on the edge of her seat.

Lilli answered for him. “She called him crying on the phone two days ago. That’s the reason we came to Losnik in the first place. From what I could gather from her empty room and some notes in the waste bin, she left without thinking and only packed the essentials. I’m assuming you’ve been aware of that as well.”

The queen nodded. “Yes, we realised that morning that not only did she post a picture of her letter of abdication online, she also left the palace and possibly the country as well.” A little quieter she added. “Just when we thought we got her back… she vanished again.”

Ianna looked stoically into the air. “I am going to find her. There are only so many places Lynny would run to. It’s just a few theories that I will have to systematically falsify. Sooner or later, I will find her.”

The queen looked at her with tears in her eyes. Fred wasn’t sure if it was hope or fear glistening in her eyes. “Why would you do that?”

Lilli just shrugged. As always she was uncomfortable with such obvious displays of emotion. “I mean, she’s my best friend. I might not know where she is but she is crazy if she thinks I will stop before I find her.“

Fred turned to Lilli. “So, we’re looking for her. Where do we start?”

To his surprise Lilli just shook her head. “Not ‘we’, Fred. I will find Lynny. You will stay here.”

“What?” Fred was honestly surprised. (And worried. There was a reason for the clammy feeling in his chest. Ianna wasn’t really ok. And knowing the reason for that definitely didn’t make him feel any easier.) “I really can be helpful…”

“Freddie…” Lilli interrupted him calmly but surely. “She asked you to come to Losnik. She wanted you here. And whatever you might think…” She took a deep breath and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “She thought you could help here. You said she sounded desperate. It was important to her that someone she trusted implicitly was here to oversee everything when she decided that she couldn’t be. You have to stay.”

Fred kept his gaze locked on his hands and tried to stop them from shaking. There were only rare moments when he didn’t wish Ianna to be by his side. And leaving her to do something alone was never really something he enjoyed doing. No matter how capable she was. Now, it was even harder after all they went through a little over a year ago.

The queen looked at both of them imploringly. She stayed silent and only a curt nod of her head indicated that she agreed. (Maybe he wouldn’t end up in jail after all.) But her stoic way of surrendering to the fact that these two young people were very good friends of her daughter she never knew about reminded Fred that it was not always necessary to understand everything.

Fred sighed. “You’ve already decided, haven’t you? There’s nothing I could say to change your mind, anyway.”

Ianna smiled in this almost imperceptible way that always warmed Fred’s heart. “You might have been her friend first but whatever trouble she has run into - Lynny is my best friend. And I will not let her suffer alone if I can be there by her side!”, she explained. “And besides, you would only slow me down!”

Fred laughed even though he really didn’t feel like laughing. “But how will I know when you find her?”

The queen raised her eyebrows at that. “Couldn’t you just tell us?” She asked, rather confused by Fred’s obvious apprehension.

Fred laughed again this time more desperate than before. The headache had returned and he needed to blink a few times before he felt steady enough to talk again.

He didn’t let any of that deter him, though. “You would think so, right? The problem is that Ianna and Rosie have this kind of codex. They insist that either of them is still keeping a secret even when they tell the other. And on the flipside, there is no way of knowing what they told each other.”

Ianna was looking at him weirdly when he finished. “Freddie … I will not lie to you. I might not tell you where she is when I found her. But I will tell you that I have or haven’t found her. “

Only now Fred noticed that Malu had sat down in front of Ianna and she was calmly petting his head for a bit before she turned to him again. Then her gaze grew inquistory.

“You should probably call your neurologist and figure out how you can get your medication while you stay here. These seizures can not continue like this.”

(For more context, click here or go on the tag #the archangel programme)

#actually epileptic #epilepsy #writing #human rights lawyer #the archangel programme

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gay-killer-whalien · 4 years

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Asexual Justice icons for @hiimholalate (Send me an ask if you want any Helltaker pride icons)

#Justice #Helltaker #Justice helltaker #ace #asexual #pride #ace pride #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+#lgbtq+#icon #icons #pride icons

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confusedsiewmai · 3 years

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Pic Tag Game

rules: post photos of 9 people you have a crush on/are attracted to or just find generally beautiful (other people might notice patterns in your attraction you don't!)

Thanks @i-wanna-do-something for the tag haha! Honestly, this was a super tough one what with me being asexual and not really having a strong preference but I somehow managed!

Tagging: @midnight-blurrs @mrscarocat @hiimholalate @mbpokemonrulez @phoenixwrightismydad @tskumoyuuma and anyone who’s interested :D

#tag game #I sort of just tried to pull out a list of people i 1) rmbred staring at when theyre on screen or 2) watched random youtube compilations of #also 3 out of 9 are hong kong ppl askljdfha helpppp im exposing myselffff #a large reason might be cos I watch so much hk stuff so their faces are just very pleasing to me due to familiarity #you can legit tell what i grew up watching alskjfhasl #small confession but the middle guy (pierre ngo) was a face i loved ever since i was a kid #it was thru making this collage that i found out hes finally got the lead role in a drama (after 19 YEARS)#wth hes super pretty and also i like his acting why did it take so long ;-; why is no one giving him the recognition he deserves #and wooh!!! tony leung made it to hollywood!! thats so cool!!! hahaha!

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denkilightning · 4 years

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I wanna ask abt denki's complicated relationship with math.

(suicide /attempt tw, scars tw, ptsd tw, flashbacks tw, choking tw, ed tw)

(yeah if i say complicated relationship i mean its dark as hell)

ok i finally got to sit down and ramble about it so there yall have it. its gonna be also a little bit of denki with science because why not

first of all: denki adores science. hes on the biology and physics teams mainly but he loves all of it

his special interest? science. biology, physics, chemistry, all of that.

and math? that was his favorite thing in the world. he had to get his baby hands on literally everything math related

that was his first and hardest hyperfixation and having a 2,5 year old hyperfixating on high school math text book? not so fun when you want them to function properly and shit

so he loved math as much as electric eels

but then mama kami died and papa kami got locked away and denki was left on his own in the claws of hpsc.

yeah remember the training todoroki got? yeah, thats what happened to denki but worse since they treated him like a freak and like,, absued him for having meltdowns.

and they made him have a quirk repressing collar and bracelets. they also monitored his pulse, how much static he has stored and his physical condition. when his electricity got too strong it released (science shit) that supposedly calmed him down. one stung hurt at least like a broken bone. thats why he became so immune to pain.

that shit was wrapped so tightly around his neck he has scars to this day, which he hides under a choker and fuckton of concealer. he would also choke a lot on it and eating was a pain. (And Heres His Whole ED story)

the collar was attached straight to his electrocytes and spine core so getting it in hurt like a bitch

so long story short denki tried to kill himself by smashing the collar at the point connecting to his spine. make it quick and clean, die from the inside.

yknow how five from tua got the equation wrong and came out through the portal as a 13 yo? yeah that's what happened except denki didnt age down, he just lived survived the attempts

that happened because of a miscalculation (0.175 instead of 1.75 if i recall correctly). so. math.

and denkis brain works in patterns. his brain automatically associates memories with things so he gets flashbacks very easily (and with his complex ptsd he doesnt only recall images and sounds from the memory but also emotions, to oversimplify it)

he associates his mom with sea and ocean, eandewhore with scars (and like... is he wrong on this one) and his suicide attempt with math.

so on the the first math lesson he had a panic attack and violent flashbacks (it went unnoticed by everyone except bakugou, but katsu didnt do anything until After the lesson. priorities) and to this day hes at the bottom of the class in maths (also because he doesnt write out his equations he just writes down the answer and nothing else)

so yeah in conclusion: math is one of denkis special interest but becuase of a miscalculation he failed his suicide attempt hence it is also a big trigger for him

#chargehawks legal guardian au #denki kaminari #long post #suicide tw #suicide attempt tw #scars tw #ptsd tw #flashbacks tw #choking tw #ed tw #*ask #hiimholalate #as you can see i do not fuck around with angst #i consider it one of my talents

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