#how else am i gonna be able to read my silly little bedtime stories

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Thirteen

A Court of Shadow and Ribbons                            Chapter Link

Oh, you’re gonna wanna read this one!

The house arranged a beautiful table setting and centre piece. The room was bathed in the orange and bright pinks of the evening sun. Azriel was already there. Dressed casually in black pants and a teal shirt with the cuffs rolled up nearly to his elbows. Cassian and Nesta wandered in, drink in each hand. Cassian passed his spare to Aziel, who took it gratefully and swallowed a large gulp. He looked up at them quickly

“sparkling water?”

Nesta answered for them “I’m not, you know drinking anymore so the house offers what’s best for every situation. Cassian agreed, a totally sober night for him and you will be best – especially with the work you have to do tomorrow”

Azriel nodded “I see, and I agree alcohol is not necessary, maybe I was looking to take the edge off, but I don’t need it”

Cassian laughed “You might, but we’ll back you up buddy”

Gwyn arrived taking the last step slowly and looking around furtively. She was talking to herself quietly “Are you Idisi? Is this scarier that fighting for your life on Ramiel? Can you chill out and have a quiet dinner with your friends and with Azriel? She sucked in a breath “Oh Mother, would you look at him”

Nesta stepped forward and took Gwyn’s hand, having left her drink on the table.

“You are so welcome Gwyn, I can’t believe we haven’t done this before” they hugged and walked to sit at the dining table.

“Please sit down Gwyn. Cass, Azriel we can eat whenever we are ready”

She turned to Gwyn “You know since the house was gifted to Cassian and I, we don’t venture to the kitchens. Every now and then I send a basket of treats or some blooming flowers of Elain’s to say thank you, but Windy does it all. It is an interesting way to live never knowing or bothering to think about what we should eat” she smiled and Cassian stopped talking to Azriel for a moment to appreciate that spirit. A year ago he could not have fantasised about this kind of hope and happiness for her.

Aziel noticed too but his eye was caught more by the slight giggle that Gwyn made, her curls bouncing either side of her face and the way her eyes sparkled with merriment.

“Windy” as Nesta had begun to refer to the house of Wind did not disappoint with dinner. Although you might think it was a Den Mother the way each person was served different amounts depending on their body’s requirements and tastes. It was all food on a theme, but no two plates were the same.

Gwyn was enjoying the food and the easy conversation ranging from training, to the mating ceremony, to singing and pranks that Azriel and Cassian had played on each other and Rhys growing up.

Dessert was served and when Gwyneth’s plate arrived bearing a colourful meringue pegasus, she burst out laughing. The house had remembered her request from the girls night months ago.

She really did not relish eating the work of art, but the dinner had been served in order and amounts to leave her room for this treat. Azriel had heard the story from Cassian about what the house had provided the three recovering females and was so pleased to see Gwyn relaxed and joyful. When she offered him some of her meringue, he took the tail.

“This is only so that we can tell people you did not eat an entire pegasus by yourself” and popped it into his mouth. Gwyn watched every move, caught by the idea of that melt in your mouth delicacy on his tongue, dissolving and fizzing and finally being swallowed. She consciously dropped her eyes to her plate, but hoped that he would not scent her want. A feeling that she just couldn’t stop, rising within her.

Suddenly she wished that she had not eaten all that the house had offered. Her stomach knotted and her heart beat was going to drown out the conversation. In fact, she noticed Cassian and Azriel had stopped speaking and Nesta was looking at her worriedly.

“Gwyn, what’s wrong? you’ve gone pale all of a sudden”

She abruptly stood, pushing the chair back and stumbled toward the dark doors leading to the roof.

“I just need some air.” She scrambled outside. The others too shocked to follow

                                                                       *

It was dark outside, but she knew every corner and seat and railing here. She moved to a bench overlooking the city and it’s twinkling lights, with one wall of the house behind her. Gwyn sat and breathed. She counted to ten for each inhale and each exhale until the nausea stopped, then began the proper Valkyrie exercises to centre her mind. On purpose she did not try to find a reason for her panic. It was all too obvious.

Moments or hours later Nesta came out to her, carrying one of the house’s magical light sources so that she could find Gwyn. Although, she knew the layout better that anyone, Gwyn realised she was announcing her presence.

“I’m so sorry Nessie, I don’t know what happened” (even though she did and it scared her to death). Nesta sat beside her with one arm over her shoulders.

“Don’t mention it, you know around here, we’re all about do as you feel” She winked. Gwyn knowing full well about Nesta’s behaviour when she arrived up here, and about how many different rooms she and Cassian had enjoyed each other in. She just smiled and said

“Thank you. Really, I appreciate that, but I’m not sure what to do now. Do I sit here breathing or do I come back and face my trainers feeling embarrassed and silly?” She shrugged and Nesta could see the internal struggle for the female who always put on a brave face to cover the unforgettable trauma of death and rape that dogged her still.

“How about a compromise?” Nesta dipped her chin, “Azriel and Cassian and I could come out here to sit with you in the dark, then you don’t have to feel like you look silly because they won’t be able to see you!”

Gwyn huffed a laugh, then it broke to the surface and it came out properly. Nesta joined her and they pushed on each other’s shoulders making the other start up again.

It didn’t take long before Cassian and Azriel made their way out to see what was going on out there. They were talking loudly and teasing each other about who was the best trainer, Nesta blessed them for their attempt at subtlety.

“What’s your opinion Gwyn, who is the best trainer? Your General, OR the guy who helps out sometimes?” Cassian had arrived and dragged over a sunbed made for wings to lay on.

Gwyn looked at Azriel who stayed standing on the other side of Nesta. His silk shirt caught the moonlight and she could see the colour ripple as he breathed

“Well, General" She started and the others laughed

“You definitely make me work harder, Azriel seems to like stretching and cooling down best” Cassian made to accept his win.

“But….” Gwyn continued “The person who helps out sometimes, has, I think, been the reason behind my technique improvement” She smiled at Azriel then and he looked modestly at the ground.

“So, I’m not going to choose!” Gwyn declared. Cassian and Nesta clapped and congratulated her, and Azriel laughed and the joy in that laugh had Gwyn tensing up inside. In a good way. The stomach churning did not happen, but a bubbly, happy humming started in her chest.

Cassian held out his hand to Nesta, beckoning her and she went and lay next to him with her head on his chest and their hands linked across Cass’s belly.

Azriel glanced at the bench vacated by Nesta “May I?” he asked Gwyn softly.

“Of course” She said shyly. What else could she say. She edged a little further from him so that she would not accidentally touch his wings. His shadows stayed as a second skin around him, but where his hand rested on the bench closest to her, they seeped out a little. Gwyn did it without thinking, she ran a finger through the darkness of the inky feelers. She pulled away as they touched her coolly, but stretched her hand out again when it didn’t hurt.

“Can you feel that?” she said quietly

Cassian and Nesta were silent, she knew they could hear her, and Azriel’s reply, but surely someone had asked the shadowsinger about his shadows before.

“Yes, but it’s a feeling not a sense”

Cassian called out “REALLY?” and Nesta put her hand over his mouth laughing. Azriel shook his head “Yes, really. I don’t feel hot or cold or sharp or blunt with my shadows. Right now I just feel happiness, and maybe uncertainty?”

Gwyn slid her hand away. He was reading far too much of her mood right now.

“That’s really amazing” she looked properly at him and fell headlong into his dark blue eyes. He blinked and she was able to look away

“It is pretty good. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have the power, but it’s saved me, well, us, so many times I’m grateful despite the “feelings’ all the time”

Nesta “oohhhhed” from her chair like suddenly Azriel made more sense. Cassian nudged her and she squirmed “What?”

“Well, I was just thinking how tired I am and that I have to get up early tomorrow for Rhys’ little errand, and you know, maybe it’s” he spoke lower “bedtime”.

Nesta got the hint and went a little pink cheeked, although it was too dark to see.

“Good point Cassian, what a responsible mate you are. Definitely bedtime when we’ve got to get going early” she yawned deliberately. Cassian merely stood and took her hand bowing to Azriel and Gwyn

“Brother, Gwyn, thanks for tonight. Let’s do it again soon”

Nesta nodded and giggled at Cassian’s attempt at politeness and sudden need to be alone with her. She had the same idea.

“Thank you Nesta, Cassian” Gwyn nodded but didn’t attempt to rise, instead she looked at Azriel. He stared back but farewelled his friends absentmindedly

“Yeah, bye”

                                                               *

#Angsty stuff #acosf #acotar #sjm #Gwynriel #Nessian #House of Wind #Shadows #Double date #triggers

[artificialqueens]

It's Nice to Have a Friend, Chapter One (Branjie) - Holtzmanns

Dreams are a little bit less scary and unknown with some company there. Or at least, a girl with yellow hair who is two years older than Vanessa and lives in Canada and is her best friend in the entire world.

Soulmates au.

(read on ao3) | word count: 4537

AN: So I really enjoyed writing that first soulmates au, and really wanted to write another one. This one came a bit out of left field, but I hope you enjoy. The next chapter of level up is on it’s way as well, promise. Thank you guys so much for all the support and comments on it, it makes me so happy. And tell me what you think about this one, too!

Thank you Writ for betaing and being the best ever <3

Vanessa is four and she can’t sleep in her big kid bed. Not when it gives her nightmares.

That has to be the reason, because her mom isn’t there, and her mom makes the nightmares go away when she reads her bedtime stories and Vanessa dreams of the stories instead. But sleeping in a big kid bed means that she doesn’t have her mom to kiss her forehead and tell her everything is going to be okay because they’re not in the same room anymore, not when she has to share with Alexis.

Alexis is seven, which seems so very old because she’s all the way in second grade and Vanessa’s only in kindergarten, with a teacher named Miss Kayla who lets them paint with their fingers and race cars around the classroom. But Alexis says that Vanessa’s in classes for babies, because Alexis is learning about division and reading chapter books without any pictures at all.

But Vanessa likes Miss Kayla. She likes going to school in the mornings.

She just doesn’t like having to go to sleep the night before.

Vanessa pulls the covers up to her nose before closing her eyes, because maybe her blanket will be like a shield and protect her from the scary monsters. And it works, for a little bit, because that night Vanessa dreams that she has her own pet dragon whose name is Rocky, and Vanessa can ride on his back and fly but then Rocky turns into a bad guy who wants to shoot his fire at her and she has to wake up, it has to be a nightmare-

But then Rocky is sprayed with water. By a firehose and a firetruck and a firefighter who’s a girl like her except she has yellow hair, while Vanessa’s is brown.

The girl rides away in her firetruck before Vanessa can say anything and Rocky is nice again, and maybe her dream isn’t so scary anymore. And when Vanessa wakes up the next morning, it’s in her own bed and not in her mom’s, because she didn’t have to crawl in her mom’s bed to scare the bad dreams away.

Alexis is wrong. Vanessa is a big kid.

Vanessa’s dreams are sometimes still scary but sometimes they’re nice, because she gets to be a princess and wear a sparkly dress or she gets her very own puppy which she wants more than anything in the world, even though her mom says they’re too much work. She doesn’t see the girl again, not even when her dreams have wild butterflies and unicorns and Vanessa’s sure that the girl would like them, too. Sometimes Vanessa’s dreams have large crowds and she swears that if she stands on her tippy-toes she sees that flash of yellow hair, but then she blinks and the girl vanishes almost like magic.

Maybe the girl in her dreams has special powers.

It’s the night before Vanessa’s birthday, and Vanessa sees her again in her dream when she’s climbing a mountain, and it’s really tall, but Vanessa’s in a huge parka, the kind that she sees on TV that they don’t have in Tampa. It’s keeping her warm, but the fluffy hood is getting in her eyes and she has to push it down when she sees a girl ahead of her that looks all too familiar.

“Hey! You!”

Vanessa’s never called out to her in a dream before. The girl’s been too fast, just a little out of her reach but now she’s here, and Vanessa’s going to take her change.

The yellow braids freeze, snowflakes sticking to them like glitter, and Vanessa’s never seen snow in real life, but part of her wonders if it sparkles just like this. Vanessa nearly trips on her feet to catch up because maybe the girl’s going to run away, and then Vanessa’s going to be alone again.

Vanessa gulps when she catches up because the girl is tall, and she’s barely reaching the girl’s shoulder. She’s the shortest in her class but she’s faster than all of the boys, so it doesn’t bother her, but this girl is looking down at her and maybe Vanessa’s made a mistake, but there’s only one way to find out.

“Hi.”

The girl is biting her lip, her eyes wide and part of Vanessa wonders why the girl is scared when she’s already fought monsters and climbed mountains in her dreams. She’s strong.

“Hi.” The girl whispers back, and Vanessa almost doesn’t hear her over the wind that’s blowing the snow around their heads like confetti.

Vanessa sticks out a hand, mitten and all, because her mom always tells her to shake hands with new people and be polite. “My name is Nessa. It’s my birthday tomorrow.”

She’s going to be five. A whole year older, and she almost can’t believe it because five seems old.  

“I’m Brooke.” The girl mumbles, and Vanessa almost wants to tell her to speak up and use her outside voice since they’re climbing a mountain, after all. “How old are you gonna be?”

“Five.” Vanessa is proud as she says it, because five is big. Five is grown up.

Except the girl wrinkles her nose. “You’re only five? You’re a baby!”

“Am not!” Vanessa’s not . “How old are you, then?”

“I’m seven.” The girl’s smile makes it look like she’s bragging and Vanessa wants to huff a little.

Five is still cool.

And Vanessa has the perfect comeback. “You’re a grandma.”

“Am not!” The girl’s mouth drops open, and it’s the perfect opportunity for Vanessa to grab some snow and make a snowball and throw it at her, just like she’s seen people do on TV.

If only Florida could have snow, too.

The girl lets out a shriek, grabbing a handful of snow of her own and Vanessa turns on her heels and runs before the snowball can get her, except that she runs off the edge of the mountain, and-

She wakes up in her own bed.

Vanessa’s heart is still pounding and her forehead is a little sweaty, because her room isn’t as cold as the mountain from her dream and when she looks out the window, she sees grass and a palm tree and not snow and icicles.

Maybe she can ask her mom to go on vacation and see snow someday.

Vanessa is six and Brooke is her best friend, and everyone else thinks she’s imaginary, but they’re wrong.

Maybe Brooke is only in her dreams, but Vanessa held her hand when they crossed a bridge in the clouds, and ran her fingers along the feathers of Brooke’s wings when they both got to be fairies and have magic powers. Brooke makes dreams a little less scary, a little less unknown. Sometimes they face monsters but Brooke is always there, and they always defeat them together.

Sometimes, the dreams aren’t exciting at all. Sometimes, the two of them are sitting on Vanessa’s bed and Brooke’s telling her about school and dance and how she wants to be a ballerina, and Vanessa loves to listen. Because Brooke says she’s from Canada, and Vanessa knows Canada is cold and she wonders how different it is from Tampa. She wants to hear all about Brooke’s life because Brooke is the most interesting person she’s ever met. And she’s in the third grade, too.

Vanessa tells Brooke about first grade and about how they have to pay attention now, and learn math and it’s hard to sit still at a desk for so long, but recess is fun and she is still the fastest one in her class. She likes to run and feel the wind and leave everyone else in the dust.

“I’m glad you grab my hand and never leave me behind. I’m slow at running.” Brooke traces her fingers along the flowers that adorn Vanessa’s sheets, outlining the petals.

Vanessa makes a face. “I can’t leave you behind, silly. Besides, if I grab your hand you get as fast as me.”

Brooke sighs. “I wish that would happen outside of dreams, too.”

Vanessa doesn’t mind her early bedtime. Sure, a boy in her class was bragging about getting to stay up until eleven, but the earlier Vanessa sleeps, the earlier she can see Brooke and go on adventures with her.

Sometimes she gets to her dreams before Brooke does, and she has to wait around and count some sheep until Brooke’s yellow ponytail pops up along with a waving hand. Sometimes Brooke is waiting for her, grinning and bouncing on her feet and ready to go. Brooke is the constant in her life when they have to move to Miami and live in a new house and Vanessa has to start at a new school in the middle of the year. The kids are mean, and one girl teased her for getting mad when another girl stole her scrunchie, and all Vanessa wants is to be able to go back.

“I hate Miami.” Vanessa grumbles one night to Brooke, when they’re traipsing through a rainforest and Vanessa’s sure that there are dinosaurs around, too.

Brooke ducks when a monkey swings past them. “Doesn’t Miami have beaches? Beaches are cool.”

“Tampa has beaches, too. And my friends. And my old room.”

Vanessa doesn’t understand why they can’t just move back, why Vanessa’s mom couldn’t stay at her old job. Why they had to leave. But she’s glad Brooke’s still with her in her dreams, that she didn’t get left behind in Tampa, too. Vanessa’s not sure how she’d survive that.

“I wish I was at your new school. I could be your friend there.” Brooke reaches out to grab her hand as they cross a small stream, and Vanessa doesn’t want her to let go.

Vanessa is nine, almost ten, and she’s not a baby, no matter what Alexis says.

“People in their double digits don’t have imaginary friends. Only babies do.” Alexis’ snicker makes Vanessa want to stomp her foot, wipe the smirk off of her sister’s face.

“Brooke’s not imaginary, she’s real! She’s just in my dreams.” Vanessa grumbles, because she’s right, she knows she’s right.

Brooke is real. Brooke tells her about her life and family and school and about living in Canada, and how can any of that be imaginary?

“There’s nothing wrong with being creative, darling.” Her mom’s attempt at being reassuring makes Vanessa scowl more, because she knows that her mom doesn’t believe her either. Never has.

“She’s real. Why don’t you two ever listen to me?” Vanessa crosses her arms, trying to keep her foot from kicking the side of the table no matter how much she wants to.

Her mom shoots her a warning look. “Nessa.”

Unlike usual, Vanessa doesn’t feel the need to be quiet. She’s too grumpy. “I’m just saying.”

Alexis shrugs. “It’s weird. Having an imaginary friend is weird-”

“She’s not imaginary-”

“-Especially when you talk about her so much. Don’t you ever dream about anything else?”

“Shut it, Alexis!” Vanessa growls, letting go of her fork which clangs against her plate. She tries to scoot her chair back, storm off from the table, but the stink eye from her mom tells her that it’s safer to stay where she is.

Alexis doesn’t get it. Vanessa hates the way she says Brooke isn’t real and makes fun of her. Sure, Alexis is her sister, but why doesn’t she ever just listen?

No one ever listens to Vanessa, even if she’s loud. Except Brooke.

Brooke always listens.

That night in Vanessa’s dream they’re in a mall that she’s never been to before, but Brooke says it’s the mall that’s near her house. The mall that she’d gone to earlier during that day because her mom had said that she was outgrowing her clothes and her pants were getting too short.

They buy soft serve cones from Dairy Queen, the kind dipped in chocolate and Brooke gets some ice cream on her nose that Vanessa wipes off for her with her sleeve. Brooke’s telling her about her friends and Vanessa doesn’t know if seventh grade is going to be the way Brooke describes it in a couple years, but she’s not sure if she’s looking forward to it.

“So Jess says that we all have to have crushes on boys. She says she has a crush on Mitchell and Ashley says she has a crush on Josh and Emily says she has a crush on Andrew, and today at lunch they asked me who I had a crush on, ‘cause they said that everyone has crushes.” Brooke licks the ice cream that’s about to drip off of her cone, catching it just in time.

Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “So, do you have a crush on anyone?”

As far as Vanessa’s aware, boys still have cooties. They pick their noses and fart loudly and laugh because of it. But hey, maybe that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in seventh grade. Have crushes.

Brooke makes a face. “Gross. The boys in my class always try to snap all the girls’ bra straps and all they talk about is hockey. But when my friends asked me, I panicked and said the first name that came into my brain, and that’s only ‘cause he was walking by at recess.”

Vanessa can’t hold back her giggle. “Sneaky.”

“I was super convincing.” Brooke says, unable to hold her laughing back either before she lets out a sigh. “I just don’t get it. Why they all have crushes on boys. Recess was more fun when we got to play soccer and four-square instead of talk about them all the time.”

“Come to my school. We still play tag and basketball and soccer and everything,” Vanessa pauses, “but maybe that’s ‘cause I’m only in fifth grade. I wonder if I’ll have to talk about boys in seventh grade.”

Vanessa hopes not. She prefers her recesses with Silky and Kiki and she’s never had best friends outside of Brooke until this year, but Silky and Kiki make her laugh and Silky yelled at her old bullies from second grade a few months ago. School is feeling okay again.

She wonders if Silky and Kiki will want to talk about boys when all of them are twelve like Brooke.

Vanessa is thirteen and a boy asks her to slow dance at graduation, but she doesn’t really get butterflies in her stomach the way that characters in romantic movies say they do.

She tells Brooke about it that night, in her dream. They’re on a beach and Vanessa’s wearing the purple bathing suit that she’d begged her mom to buy her a few days ago, but her mom had said no. At least she gets to wear it in dreamland.

Brooke’s in a bathing suit too, with little polka dots on it and heart shaped sunglasses balancing on the bridge of her nose. She’s squinting while looking over at Vanessa, because the sun is too bright but Vanessa likes it.

“Have you ever gotten butterflies? How do you know when you have them?” Vanessa shouldn’t be this distressed over it, really. It’s just that she had expected more at the time.

The movies make a slow dance look all sweet and romantic, but all Vanessa could think about at the time was the fact that the boy smelled way too much like Axe and how it made her nose wrinkle. Plus the boy had been sweating buckets, and Vanessa really just wanted to go back to dancing all silly with Silky and Kiki.

Brooke shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe we’re just weird ‘cause we don’t have them.” She pauses, her breathing catching in her throat for a second in a way that makes Vanessa raise an eyebrow. “Can I tell you a secret? Though you can’t tell anyone about it.”

Vanessa scoots closer, as if they’re not the only ones on the beach for miles around. “What?”

“I kissed a boy last week.” Brooke whispers, her eyes shifty and Vanessa almost screeches, climbing up onto her feet.

“What?! Really?” Vanessa can’t help the way her mouth drops open, because Brooke’s kissed a boy and she only just told Vanessa now, and why is her stomach feeling kind of weird?

Brooke’s cheeks are bright red, and Vanessa doesn’t miss the way she slouches a little. “Maybe. I didn’t say anything ‘cause I didn’t like it, though. It was weird. All my friends have already had their first kisses and I thought I should just get it over with, but…it was slimy.”

“Slimy?” Vanessa lets out a guffaw because gross, and Brooke’s giggling too, though she doesn’t know why her heart feels like it’s turning over in her chest a little bit.

Brooke shrugs. “But back to the point, I didn’t feel any butterflies either. Even though Ashley and Jess and Nicole all said they had butterflies on their first kiss.”

“Okay, good. Well, not good ‘cause you didn’t have butterflies, but good ‘cause I didn’t have butterflies with a boy either. Even though slow dancing and kissing aren’t the same thing.”

Their two year age difference has always made it feel like Brooke is just a step ahead, setting a path that Vanessa will inevitably follow. She wonders what her first kiss will be like. If it’s anything like Brooke’s was? Slimy. But she hopes not.

Vanessa can’t get the vision of Brooke kissing someone out of her mind for the next few days, and part of her feels guilty about it, though she doesn’t know why. Did the boy kiss Brooke first? Or did she kiss him? Did she really not like it the way that she said she didn’t?

It’s all too confusing.

Vanessa saves her thoughts about the kiss for the daytime, when she’s bored in class or is trying to avoid her homework. She’s able to push her feelings about the kiss away, though, in her dreams. Because she has more important things to do with Brooke, like skydiving and fighting dragons and even creating a girl group and becoming pop stars.

Except one night, before they can even start their adventure, Brooke’s waiting for Vanessa and looking like she’s about to burst.

“Finally! You’re here!” Brooke’s feet are tapping on the dirt ground of the giant greenhouse that the dream is currently set in, their heads surrounded by butterflies and flowers painting the glass walls with bright colours.

Vanessa gives Brooke a onceover, and the way she’s almost squealing with excitement must mean that it’s something big. “What? Is this dream super cool or something?”

“No! I mean, it seems like it, but no. I have news.” Brooke takes a deep breath and her eyes widen, and maybe she’s getting cold feet because she’s gulping and Vanessa pokes her shoulder.

“What? Tell me.”

Brooke’s eyes are excited yet nervous, and nothing can prepare Vanessa for the words that next leave her mouth.

“I’m coming to Miami.”

Brooke rushes through her explanation while Vanessa’s jaw is on the ground, because what? Miami? Brooke’s coming to her city and she’s going to be near her in person and…

Not just in their dreams?

“So I dance, right, and we travel for competitions and I decided to audition for the competitive team this year even though normally I don’t, but I wanted to, and one of the competitions is in Miami, actually in Miami, and I made the team and I’m in enough dances that I’ll be able to come, and maybe it’s too much and maybe you don’t want to meet in person and I’d get that, ‘cause it’s different in the dreams but I was just thinking, maybe, maybe we could?” Brooke gasps in a breath at the end of her sentence, and Vanessa gets it, she really does, because she can’t breathe right now either, not if Brooke’s going to be in the same place as her, and it’s not going to be a dream.

“You’re not playing a joke on me, are you? You’re not pulling my leg?” Because who knows, maybe Brooke is, Vanessa has a right to be suspicious. Maybe it’s not true.

The laugh that leaves Brooke’s mouth is a little incredulous as she shakes her head. “No, I’m really coming to Florida, promise. It’s in five weeks. They’re booking plane tickets and hotel rooms and everything.”

Five weeks.

Five weeks and Brooke’s going to be in front of her, living and breathing and they’re going to be awake. Not in a dream. Brooke’s coming to Miami for a dance competition and Brooke wants to meet her, for real.

It’s really going to happen.

They don’t go on an adventure that night, not with so much to talk about. So many plans to make for the weekend that Brooke’s going to be here, snatching time where they can when she’s not competing. They sit on the floor of the greenhouse, tracing patterns in the dirt and watching the leaves grow and blossom around them with their colours vivid and bright and warming Vanessa’s heart, and she never wants to leave.

Vanessa may be thirteen and may find waking up in the mornings difficult, but today she’s up before her alarm clock rings because she can’t stay asleep for another minute.

Not when Brooke abruptly leaves their dream that night because she has to wake up to catch her flight, not when Vanessa’s going to meet her today.

She’s meeting Brooke today.

Not just in dreams, not for a fleeting moment before the two of them wake up in their own respective beds.

Brooke is coming to Miami, and it’s all good and dandy because Vanessa’s figured out a plan. She’s not taking the bus to school today, no. Instead, she’s already scoured bus routes and discovered that she needs to transfer between buses approximately three times to make it to the convention centre and hotel that Brooke will be at. It’s a long commute, but it’s doable. She can head out in the morning and spend a few hours with Brooke and make it back home before dinner.

Her mom leaves for work after yelling a goodbye, and Vanessa takes the opportunity to scamper out of bed, grab the landline phone in the kitchen. She puts on her best fake voice when the school secretary answers the phone.

“Hi, yes, Vanessa’s sick, real sick, my poor baby can’t even get up and so she has to stay home today. I think I’ll even have to stay home from work today to take care of her.”

Vanessa’s mom is easy to imitate, but maybe that’s because everyone tells Vanessa that she’s a complete copy of her. She’s just playing herself as a grown up.

It’s good enough for the secretary to buy it, hook line and sinker.

Vanessa’s knee bounces in the aisle as the bus lumbers between stops because it’s hard to stay still at a time like this, when all that stands between her and Brooke is a series of bus routes. She’s crossing the city on her own and sure, she’s thirteen and she can take the bus by herself but this feels different, unprecedented. New.

She knows she’s impulsive because she’s been told as much, by teachers and her mom and it doesn’t bother her, the fact that they can’t keep up with how fast her mind wants to make decisions. But this one is unbelievable, even for her. Her best friend in the entire world is in the city, and the only reason she knows that is because of a dream.

It gives a new meaning to the phrase ‘follow your dreams’, Vanessa supposes.

Deep down, Vanessa knows that it’s real. She’s not losing her mind or listening to voices because Brooke is real, and she knows too much about Brooke’s life and existence than her subconscious would ever be able to conjure up on its own. But worry, a tiny, small bit of worry, grabs a megaphone in the back of her brain and makes itself known.

Maybe there isn’t a dance convention at all. Maybe Vanessa is really, truly losing her marbles and going for no reason because she’s made it all up, because there’s no way a recurring figure in her dreams can actually exist when she’s awake.

The voice gets louder and louder with every bus transfer, every step that she takes when she finally reaches her stop and the convention center comes into view, and there’s people everywhere in the building’s lobby but there’s also girls her age and some younger and some older and they have stage makeup and high buns and maybe, just maybe, she’s not crazy and Brooke is here somewhere and-

“Nessa! ”

-and Vanessa gets it now.

The movies. The way that the two main characters have their eyes meet in a crowd and get swept off their feet and have their movie moment. When all the songs make sense, when everything feels correct and right and the way that it should be.

Her stomach is flipping and she’s going to burst and how does her face fit so perfectly in the curve of Brooke’s neck? Brooke’s arms are around her and squeezing her tight and Vanessa’s sure that her feet aren’t actually touching the ground anymore, not with Brooke spinning her around and around and around.

The question that she’d asked Brooke all those months ago, about butterflies - Vanessa knows now what they’re supposed to feel like. It’s the pumping of her heart in her chest that’s getting faster and faster, and the way Brooke’s staring at her with an expression of awe, as if Brooke herself isn’t the most wonderful person that Vanessa’s ever encountered in her entire life.

Part of Vanessa doesn’t want to let go when Brooke puts her down because she’s here, Brooke’s actually here and they were right, both of them were right.

This is real. They’re real. Brooke’s her best friend and she’s been her best friend since they were kids, and now she’s here and in the flesh and getting glitter on Vanessa’s clothes from her sparkly hairspray that’s keeping her high bun in place.

Vanessa’s thirteen but she feels like she’s lived life a few times over, and in a way she has, in her dreams with Brooke. They’ve fought monsters and learned how to fly and told each other absolutely everything about their lives, what makes each other tick. Brooke knows her secrets and knows how to make her laugh when she’s sad and her hugs in real life are just as comforting as they are in their dreams.

“You’re here.” Brooke breathes out, and the way her hand reaches out to touch Vanessa’s shoulder makes sense, because part of Vanessa wants to check if this is really happening, too.

“We both are.”

Vanessa puts her hand on top of Brooke’s, giving it a little squeeze and she never, ever wants to have to let go. They’re resting on a tipping point between their dreams and their awake states but Vanessa doesn’t want to pinch herself and accidentally wake up, not when they both deserve to have this reality last forever.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #lesbian au #soulmate au #inthaf #holtzmanns

[alittlesliceofcucumber]

If Only

An Avengers: Endgame oneshot

What if, when retrieving the Tesseract, Tony met someone else too? Someone that was much closer to his heart. Someone that meant much more to him than his abusive father. Someone he had been longing to meet again.

"Well you meet a lot of people, Sir."

Read on AO3! Read on FanFiction.net!

If Only

His feet glided across the ground as he followed his father through the crowds of workers. It felt like he was in a dream. Or a nightmare. He hadn’t quite decided yet.

Whatever he felt, Tony knew that it was the opportunity of a lifetime. He had accumulated so many questions for Howard over the years, but every single one seemed to escape his mind like tiny grains of sand slipping through his firm fingers.

For some reason, all the bad blood that had been boiling towards his father had cooled down in an instant. Howard Stark suddenly seemed like any other man.

A man that treated you like garbage. A voice nagged in his mind, but he brushed it aside and continued to walk. He was not going to let hatred ruin the limited special time he had.

After all, it wasn’t everyday that you got to give parenting advice to your abusive father.

“Oh shoot, I forgot the legal docs. Peg’s gonna kill me.” Howard said once the pair had made their way into the courtyard. He outstretched his hand and Tony shook it heartily. “It was nice to meet you, Mr Potts. You’ve made me feel a lot better about my kid. Your daughter is a real lucky girl to have someone like you in her life.”

Tony was a shaky mess, so he fished through his mind to find a sensible reply.

“Good luck with your kid.” He stammered eventually.

Howard just laughed and, with a twinkle in his eye, briskly walked back into the complex to retrieve the papers and hopefully avoid Peggy Carter’s wrath as he did so.

And so Tony was left to gaze after him, his knees wobbling like jelly, scarcely able to believe his encounter. He didn’t even realise that his grip on the precious briefcase had loosened, and only acknowledged it when it fell out of his hand completely.

“Shit.” He cursed softly, scrambling onto the ground to pick it back up again, grateful that it hadn’t opened to reveal the stolen Tesseract.

It was only as he was standing up did he notice him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an all-too-familiar face. Not a face that was plastered on the sides of buses, or under every other newspaper headline, or even printed on top-secret SSR files. No, this was a face that had long retired in a corner of Tony’s heart. A face that made Tony feel like all of time had frozen around him. A face that had always been behind the camera, and so seeing it again made Tony’s shaky legs feel like they were going to give up on him at any given moment, causing him to collapse into the caring man's arms. A face belonging to someone that Tony loved so much, that he didn’t even realise that he was walking towards him.

There, dressed as smartly as ever in front of his Dad’s car, stood Edwin Jarvis.

“Can I help you?”

He wasn’t sure how he ended up facing his family’s former butler, but he didn’t regret it. He knew that he had to make some sort of conversation, but the witty-comment-generator in his brain appeared to be malfunctioning.

Still, he tried his best to “improvise”, as Cap had put it. “Uh- um, you’re Howard Stark’s butler, right?”

A sliver of pride flashed across the Englishman’s face briefly, before dissolving into the civilised gentleman persona. It didn’t go unnoticed to Tony. “Yes, I am.” He outstretched his hand, just as Howard had done. This time, when Tony shook it, he didn’t want to let go. “Edwin Jarvis,” The man continued. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr..?”

“Potts.” Tony replied hastily. “Howard Potts.”

“Oh, not another one.” Jarvis teased with a tired smile, chuckling at his own joke for a few seconds before silencing himself at the expense of making fun of his employer.

Tony hadn’t realised how much he’d missed the sound of Edwin’s voice. He had become too used to the synthetic replica (although even that had been gone for several years) that he’d almost forgotten how soothing it was to him. It was a crisp yet comforting voice that used to reassure him when he was upset, that read him bedtime stories that were meant for children much older that him, and relax him whenever he cried with a grazed knee or any other minor injury.

A voice that Tony’s subconscious recognised as fatherly.

“I was just uh, talking to Howard Stark about being a dad.” Tony said, desperate to stretch out the conversation as much as he could. “He looked pretty stressed about it. You see I’ve got a young daughter and I thought I could give him some words of wisdom, one father to another.”

In that moment he longed for Jarvis to know who he was, just so that he could witness the pride on the butler’s face to see the boy that he’d raised (or will raise, in his timeline) become a father of his own. But he knew that it was impossible, so he had to satisfy himself with the casual but happy look he received instead.

“You know, he’s only half as worried as he should be.” Jarvis said suddenly, in a tone that someone would use to share gossip. “All he’s really thinking about is school and work and legacy… he seems to have completely forgotten about the entire childhood stage.”

Tony heard blood pounding in his ears as he clung onto every word that tumbled out of Edwin's mouth.

“It makes me rather nervous. What if the child doesn’t like me? I would love nothing more than to get the chance to spend time with them, but Mr Stark holds very strong feelings on letting the child be independent and strong. He has some silly motto about Stark children which I completely disagree with.”

Tony was entranced by Jarvis’s speech, and every sentence caused his heart to wrench painfully. He would give anything to go back to his youth where it was just him and Jarvis.

Life was so much simpler then. No Iron Man, no aliens, no Thanos. Just young Tony and his family.

“You know,” began Tony, “you make it sound like you’re gonna be the father, not Howard.”

A blush rose to Edwin’s cheeks causing him to clear his throat awkwardly. “Oh, I’m sorry about that. N-No, that’s not the case at all.” He paused for a moment, and a wistful smile tugged at his lips. “It’s just that my wife can’t have children.”

Tony didn’t know that. He felt a sudden pang of sadness for his father-figure. The time that he had sacrificed for his younger self suddenly made a lot more sense.

“I do hope I can be some sort of a father to the Stark child, though.”

Said Stark child placed a warm, comforting hand on Edwin’s shoulder; an action he had wanted to do for years. “I have a feeling you will, Mr Jarvis. And I know that the Stark child will love you very, very much because you deserve that love, J.”

Tony said this to reassure his butler, but there was a weight to his words that spoke far louder than either of them could comprehend. A weight that caused his usually witty voice to crack with grief.

“Thank you, Sir. I shall treasure your kind words.”

As if in a trance, the two seemed to smoothly run out of conversation, leaving Tony to stare at Jarvis in awe and admiration while Edwin gave him a look of mutual friendship.

The butler suddenly snapped back to reality though, and Jarvis rubbed his temples in embarrassment, his cheeks even redder than before. “I do apologise Mr Potts, I don’t know what came over me in order to suddenly burden you with my silly little troubles. Do forgive me.”

Tony smiled with pure joy, his eyes brimming with hot tears. “Always.”

Without warning, he pulled the tall man in for a hug. At first Jarvis seemed shocked and his body was stiff, but he soon melted into the embrace. Once again, Tony found himself trapped in a blissful moment that he never wanted to end. “There's nothing to forgive. Thank you for existing.” Tony wanted to say, but the words were lost on his tongue. Time was frozen around them, leaving only a Stark and his Jarvis to share a moment that would stay with them for the rest of their lives.

“Sorry it took so long, Jarvis- Oh, Mr Potts. I see you’ve met my butler. Careful now, you’re both married men.”

Tony reluctantly pulled away to find that Howard had returned with a folder full of papers in his hand. He then looked at Jarvis who was extremely flustered due to Tony’s unexpected embrace.

That was one thing to cross of his bucket list.

“Stark! Your five o’clock.” Steve’s voice hissed in his ear. He spun around and sure enough, there was Steve hidden behind a pile of large crates. Steve gestured wildly with his arms and Tony tapped his briefcase lightly as a reply.

He had almost forgotten about the Tesseract.

“I, uh, really need to be going.” Tony excused before stumbling towards Steve, knowing full well that if he stayed a moment longer then he would start bawling like a baby. He took one last look at the two influential men, before beginning to prepare for his journey back to his rightful time. A time without his parents.

A time without Jarvis.

“So, what did you think of that Potts guy?” Howard asked his butler as he entered his car once Tony was out of earshot. “Have I met him before?"

Edwin Jarvis smiled, his heart warm and unusually heavy for a reason that he couldn't explain. 

“Well you meet a lot of people, Sir.”

#avengers: endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers #avengers endgame #endgame #agent carter #tony stark #iron man #ironman #edwin jarvis #jarvis #howard stark #peggy carter #steve rogers #captain america #fanfiction #fanfic #fic