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disclove · 2 years

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HEARTSIGH . hrj (ft. lyy)

PAIRING / HUANG RENJUN X YANG NANA (FT. LIU YANGYANG)

WORD COUNT / ~15000

SYNOPSIS / everyone was in love with huang renjun, right? the student council prez with perfect grades that every parent would kill to have as a son-in-law. but not nana, and she had a good reason. but would she change her mind after a drunken dare that she'd stupidly agreed to? or would it end terribly?

GENRE / COMEDY, ANGST, PINING, BET AU, RICH KID AU, HIGH SCHOOL AU.

WARNINGS / there's a lot... umm ... mentions of self-harm, depression, anxiety, smoking, a lot of toxic behavior, nana and renjun are both assholes (lowkey), violence, manipulation & kind of gaslighting?? not sure if i missed anything

PLAYLIST / OKAY - CHASE ATLANTIC, MODERN LONELINESS - LAUV, I HATE U - SZA, YOU WON'T BE THERE FOR ME - SLCHLD, BYE MY FIRST - NCT DREAM.

NOTE FROM TAOJUN / hello! this is a repost from my old account NEOWAVES (& nana is an oc). this is part of my HIGH SCHOOL CLICHE series and dedicated @njmverse from the neosecretsanta collab! like and reblog if you enjoyed, and please send any feedback in my askbox!

TAGS / @ankathi-a, @nct-writers, @kflixnet, @ficscafe !

NEW BLOG, NEW TAGLIST - FORM HERE!

i. the face of a bitch, who never rests

“I should’ve known better than to trust a bitch that doesn’t even go to this school,” Nana scowls, throwing an empty glass bottle down from the roof. A smirk grows on her face as the ear-splitting sound of the glass shattering on the concrete echoes through the air.

“Gosh, I fucking hate him. Can’t believe I fell for such a bitch, but I probably never liked him anyway.”

Yangyang grabs her hand before she reaches for another glass bottle. “Stop. You’ll get in trouble.”

“Do I look like I give a single shit?” she snaps, with a cigarette sticking out of her mouth, prying his grip off of her as she hurls the next bottle down the side of the building.

“I told you he was bad news,” he sighs. “His facade was too perfect to be true—”

“Mhm. What— you’re gonna tell me ‘I told you so’? Thanks for the moral support,” she sneers, taking the cigarette between her fingers and pulling it out of her mouth.

“Yang Nana. You can’t just let all your self-esteem break down over a piece of fucking trash,” Yangyang glares at her. “You always said you’d never let anyone break you, and yet here you are, smashing shit to stop yourself from crying.”

She grips a broken glass bottle, feeling the glass shards dig into her skin and pierce it, yet she barely registers the pain.

“Everyone in my life is a fucking liar,” she sneers, watching as the glass cuts into her skin and blood flows down her fingers, stomping the fire out of her cigarette under the soles of her boot. “and I hate him.”

“Nana,” Yangyang scolds with a sigh, prying the glass from her palm and grabbing her injured hand, lightly picking a few glass shards out. “We’re going to the nurse. Stop doing this to yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pick your confidence back up. Don’t let him take a single thing from you by leaving.”

With that, he grabs her non-injured hand and leads her down the stairs, away from the rooftop with a crate of glass beer bottles with the blood-stained glass shards on the ground.

“Why do you resort to self-harm every time?” Yangyang sighs as he watches the blood drip off of her fingertips and onto the ground, leading her across campus to fix up her hand.

Nana stays silent, and Yangyang just shakes his head, knowing she was too stubborn to listen. His gaze hardened when he saw Renjun walking out of one of his classes, already heading in their direction. But before he could lead Nana out of the impending argument that was inevitably going to happen, Renjun already saw them from across the hall, and was walking towards the two of them.

“Hey, Yang Nana, what happened to your hand?” Renjun asks in mock concern, his eyes lingering on the blood dripping down her hand. “Lost your temper again?”

She scowls at the bitchy tone of his otherwise sweet words. “None of your fucking business, kiss-up.”

“That's no way to speak to the student council president,” he tsks, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “Calm down, I was just asking. Sometimes I think you hate me for no reason.”

“Yeah, you’re only student council president to build your resume because your grades are trash,” she snaps. “And because only two people ran for president. Get your head out of your fucking ass, bitch.”

“Last time I checked, I’m number 4 overall in the school for grades. You’re just two places higher because you fucking cheated,” Renjun sneers back.

“Wow, the perfect boy knows how to curse,” she gasps sarcastically, before addressing his accusations. “And no, I didn’t cheat. Just because I’m smarter than your dumb ass doesn’t mean I cheated. I don’t care about my image and status being perfect as much as you do, you conceited bitch.”

“Oh, really? Why don’t you tutor me then?” he suggests with a smirk on his face, raising an eyebrow.

“Mhm… no, go kiss your chemistry teacher’s ass. Maybe Dr. Ou-Yang will pity you and give you a chance at being valedictorian… that is, if you can beat Huang Xinyi… or me,” she retorts.

Renjun hesitates for a moment, and Nana takes this chance to stick her middle finger in his face and brush past him, Yangyang’s hand still firmly in her grip.

“God, he’s such an annoying shit,” she scowls. “Pretentious ass.”

Yangyang sighs, unconsciously repeating Renjun’s words. “Sometimes I think you hate him for no reason.”

She stops in her tracks abruptly, turning to look at him sharply. “I have very good reasons to dislike him, in fact. You of all people should know this.”

He holds in yet another sigh, nodding as he walks Nana into the nurse’s office. The student who was taking Dr. Li’s place during his break, Guo Yifeng, glances at Nana and her bleeding hand and frowns— while suppressing a smile at the sight of her hand firmly in Yangyang’s grip.

“What happened, Nana?” Yifeng asks, cocking her head in the direction of her injured hand.

“Glass shards,” Nana responds plainly, not caring to elaborate further.

Yangyang lets go of her hand and pushes her slightly towards the seat next to Yifeng, causing her to fall into it ungracefully.

Yifeng gently takes Nana’s hand, inspecting the glass puncturing her skin with a sigh. She turns away to grab a bottle of disinfecting alcohol and a few cotton balls, dampening the cotton with the alcohol as she speaks.

“The glass cut pretty deep into you, so I’m going to need to use tweezers to pick them out,” she explains as she lightly wipes away the blood near the wounds on Nana’s hand. Grabbing a tweezer, Yifeng looked at her closely. “It might hurt, but I don't have enough time to take you to a hospital. We can’t let the glass go in any deeper, or it’ll never come out and keep cutting you internally, causing a lot of internal bleeding.”

Nana nods indifferently, sucking in a breath as she feels Yifeng’s tweezers pulling a glass shard out of her hand. With her other hand, Yifeng immediately grabbed a cotton pad to press against the blood rushing out from the open wound.

After extracting a few more pieces and bandaging her hand carefully, Yifeng breathes out in relief.

“You’re lucky there weren’t that many small pieces that went underneath your skin, but make sure to let your hand rest for about a week. Change bandages everyday, and if you don’t have enough of them, you can always come back to get more,” she says with a smile. “Try not to get injured so much in the future, okay?”

But her words went ignored as Nana grabs Yangyang’s hand again and exits the nurse’s office.

“Where do you want to go now?” Nana asks. “God, this means that I can’t work. Fuck it, I’m working anyway. I need the money.”

“You should rest. But before that— let's go beat up your ex.”

“But… ” she starts, a little apprehensive— but brushes off her concerns quickly, slightly scared to ruin her reputation by turning Yangyang down. “Never mind. yeah, let’s go.”

They approach Yangyang’s motorcycle, Nana climbing on directly behind Yangyang.

Though he looked composed, all of his thoughts masked behind his indifferent facade, Yangyang shakes with rage under his calm expression. Nana has been the only person he’s ever trusted, and he became extremely wary when she started dating Jaemin.

Yangyang was so suspicious of his perfect facade, and the way they even met— Jaemin lived in Korea, for fuck’s sake. He visited China every few weeks only when he didn’t want to attend school, until he graduated. He moved to a university near their school in China, yet turned down her multiple offers to meet up, despite the significant decrease of difficulty to just walk a few blocks down to meet his girlfriend.

And a few days ago, his fling had texted Nana and apologized, explaining what had happened. She had hooked up with Jaemin multiple times without knowing that he had a girlfriend.

Instead of wanting to kill Jaemin like he had expected, she had only sent him a “fuck you” text and blocked him everywhere she could.

Yangyang knew that Nana was broken, yet she pushed him away— and there was nothing he could do about it.

Once they got to the back of Jaemin’s university, Yangyang dialed his number, making sure that his number remained unknown to Jaemin.

“Back of your school,” Yangyang snaps angrily. “Square up, you fucking asshole.”

“I’m surprised that Jaemin didn’t hit you back,” Nana sighs as she bandages Yangyang’s wounds. “but holy fucking shit, Jeno is strong as fuck.”

She had only gotten a punch in the nose by Jaemin’s friend Haechan, but Jaemin pulled him back, unable to help Yangyang while Jeno had, quite literally, beaten Yangyang up.

“Don’t remind me,” he groans, as he hissed out in pain when Nana’s alcohol wipes brushed over his open wounds. “God, I had no idea Jaemin’s friends were assholes too. I thought they’d be mad that Jaemin cheated, but they’re sticking up for a motherfucker like him? Wow. I am absolutely fucking speechless.”

“I know, I can’t believe it either,” she sighs, while turning to glance at the clock, gasping as she reads the time. “Shit, it’s already 4. I need to go to work.”

“Not with that,” Yangyang eyes her bandaged hand, with a raised eyebrow and a pointed expression on his face.

She just rolls her eyes at him. “You can’t stop me.”

“Well, I’ll still be at your house when you get back. We’re going to a party at night,” he sighs out, knowing that he couldn’t change her mind, being the stubborn person she was.

ii. truth or dare? that’s boring, let’s play dare or humiliation!

True to his word, Yangyang was still sitting on her couch nearly six hours later, scrolling through his Netflix account that he logged into on Nana’s TV.

“Oh, you’re back,” he yawns, blinking his drowsiness away as he sat up. “Just finished binging The Untamed. Gosh, I forgot how much it fucking sucks.”

She makes a sound acknowledging his statement while rubbing her eyes, setting her bag down on a chair.

“God, just came back from three shifts,” she sighs tiredly. “And I’m barely making enough to cover this month,”

Yangyang frowns at his friend’s tired state. “Nana… I told you that I can help you pay it off, I have too much money anywa—”

“No.” She interrupts sternly. “Ma would’ve hated that. She hated owing people money, and I’ll just feel bad knowing that you paid off Ma’s hospital debt, which should’ve been Ba’s responsibility. But he’s gone too, so it’s my job now. I’m not going to let you offer me your whole allowance to cover this.”

Yangyang sighs. “But you literally work, like, 30 hours a week on the weekdays and an extra 20 hours a week on the weekends! You need a break, I’ll just cover one month for you—”

“Stop it, Yangyang. I said no.”

He just pouts. I can’t ever do anything nice for Nana without her getting upset.

“Fine. Let’s get ready, the party is in half an hour.”

“What party?” she asks in confusion. “I’m fucking exhausted, I’m not in the mood to party.”

But he just ignores her words as he pulls out an outfit for her from a bag that he had placed inconspicuously on the floor a few hours ago. “Put it on, I’m waiting!”

“When did you even buy this?!” she gapes, her eyes widening as she reads the designer brand name and the price tag of each piece. Her jaw drops upon reading the huge number. “Yangyang, this is literally enough to cover two months of the hospital debt!! What were you thinking?! This is so fucking expensive I-”

“It’s not important… put it on!” he says, cutting her off successfully.

She exhales a breath steadily, and goes into her room to change, with the outfit in her hands. Yangyang had chosen a pair of high-waisted ripped straight denim jeans, a Gucci belt, and a black ribbed tube top with sheer sleeves, leaving a small section of skin exposed above the waistband.

Nana sighs, feeling bad for accepting all of the extravagant gifts Yangyang buys for her— at this point, he could honestly pass for her sugar daddy. She pairs the outfit with more jewelry that he bought for her; a simple gold chain choker, and a few rings— a twisted silver one on her right index, a simple rose gold one that she placed halfway on her right middle finger, a bronze chain one on her right index, a thick jade ring that she got from her grandmother (the only one that wasn’t from Yangyang), which she placed on her left middle finger, a gold one with a crescent moon on it halfway on her left ring finger (which was from a matching set with Yangyang), and a claw ring that started from the base of her left index to adorning the tip of her finger.

Grabbing a pair of purple tinted glasses to, hopefully, complete her look, she walks outside of her room. “Yangyang, you really need to stop buying me shit… you’re literally being a sugar daddy at this point,” she jokes.

“Oh? Do you want me to be your daddy?” he smirks, and Nana’s eyes widen slightly at the innuendo, but she just scoffs, a disgusted expression on her face.

“You wish.”

Yangyang snickers at that, and casually grabs a pair of heeled sandals out of the same bag as before. “Shoes.”

Nana sighs. “Literally 90% of the shit I wear is bought by you, Yangyang, you really need to stop.”

But her words go ignored by Yangyang, who places the shoes into her hands.

“Let’s go,” he smiles as she finishes fastening her new shoes, taking her hand and leading her out of her apartment, back onto his motorcycle again.

Nana wrinkles her nose at the already overwhelming scent of alcohol in the air as she enters the party with Yangyang. She mentally freezes in anger as she realizes whose party this is, seeing Renjun — who’s already drunk and complaining about something (probably Nana) to his friend Chenle—from across the room.

She turns accusingly to Yangyang, but he was already gone; he knew better than to stick around and get yelled at by Nana.

With a sigh, she walks into the kitchen, grabbing a mixed drink on the table, grimacing at the initial taste.

“Fancy seeing you here,” a voice says behind her. She smirks as she turns to meet his eyes.

“Guanheng, what the fuck did you put in this drink?” Nana snorts as she takes another sip.

“Ah… it’s my new special, the one I’d like to call Drunk In My Bed,” he snickers. “How is it?”

“Terrible,” she jokes. “I think I’ll Puke In Your Bed instead.”

He frowns, clutching his chest in mock pain.

“How rude of you, Nana,” he gasps out playfully. “That’s my favorite creation!”

She smirks while downing the rest of the drink. “When are we playing beer pong?”

“Any time you want, babe,” he flirts, raising an eyebrow with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Are you playing with me?”

“Only if you don’t suck, sweetheart,” she plays along. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make better drinks. You need an upgraded bartender.”

With that, she grabs the tequila, vodka, Sprite, mango juice and orange juice from his fridge, along with a drink shaker and a few syrups he has stashed in a cupboard.

She shakes up an array of drinks, making Guanheng hand them out, who promises a round of beer pong after everyone is drunk enough.

Nana rests her arm on Yangyang’s shoulder as she hands him a drink. He takes it and drinks it, humming in approval.

“What’s happening now?” she asks.

“Nothing interesting,” he shrugs. “Just Renjun shit-talking you, but I didn’t expect anything more from that snake.”

She sighs in response. “Let’s beat him up later, we’re playing beer pong first.”

Just as she finishes speaking, Guanheng claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Hey everyone, we’re playing beer pong, so join me in the room with a partner if you want to play or watch— there’s a total of three tables to play on.”

“Let’s go,” Nana smiles, taking Yangyang’s hand and leading him to the beer pong tables. “You want to play?”

“No, I’ll just watch you and Guanheng argue,” he smirks.

“I heard my name,” Guanheng winks as he joins Nana at one side of a table.

“Who wants to play against the godly beer pong duo?!” Yangyang yells out loudly.

The party goes silent for a moment, before Renjun (who is already nearly bat-shit drunk) yells, “Me and Chenle-ya will do it!”

“You’ve made a bad decision, Renjun-ah,” he mumbles out to Renjun with a smirk on his face.

“It’s okay, he was a bad decision,” Nana smirks. “Bring it on, losers.”

Before Renjun could open his mouth to retort, Yangyang pushes them to the other side of the table. And suddenly, the two other beer pong tables look empty as everyone huddles around the center table with Nana and Guanheng against Renjun and Chenle.

“Let’s fucking go, Yang Nana!” Siyuan yells out loudly, already almost batshit drunk. Chenle and Guanheng fill their respective cups with beer as Renjun and Nana stare at each other.

“Bring it on, Mr. Perfect,” Nana snickers.

Renjun grabs a ping-pong ball and aims it at their side of cups, but it bounces off the rim of the center cup and onto the table.

“Darn, your aim sucks,” she taunts as she grabs herself a ball, easily tossing it into the cup closest to Renjun. The crowd of students go wild as she cocks an eyebrow at him. “Drink up, prez.”

He mutters out complaints while tossing the ball back to their side, taking the cup of beer and drinking it all. Chenle grabs another ball, resisting the urge to facepalm at the obvious tension between the two, and easily gets it into the cup closest to the center.

Guanheng sighs as he grabs the cup, tossing the ball back to Chenle, who hands it to Renjun, and downs the beer— so quickly that it leaves a burn in his throat, which he grimaces at, before grabbing their ping-pong ball.

He manages to get it into the cup in the corner, and Nana lets out a small breath of relief as Chenle drinks all of the liquid in the cup.

Renjun squints at cups in front of him, his vision already getting a little blurry with the alcohol in his lightweight system.

Surprisingly, he manages to get it into the left cup in the second row. Nana grabs it with a scoff, taking out the ball and throwing it at Renjun’s head before pouring the whole drink into her mouth, throwing the cup behind her.

She grabs the ball in Guanheng’s hand, staring closely as she aims it at a random cup, and it lands in with a splash. Renjun lets out an audible groan as he grabs the cup, rolls the ball towards the other side, and drinks it all.

It’s Chenle’s turn now, but he misses, and Renjun nearly screams in frustration.

“Chenle, you fucking suck,” he whines, and Nana doesn’t even suppress the laugh bubbling up within her.

“You also missed one,” she smirks. “Therefore, you also suck.”

Guanheng grabs the ball and lands it into the cup nearest to the center, and Chenle grumbles an insult at Renjun as he drinks it.

“All your fucking fault for making me play with you,” Chenle tsks. “I should’ve just ignored you.”

Renjun just shrugs as he attempts to throw the ball into another cup. But it fails, bouncing on the rim of two cups before landing on the table— but by now, mostly everyone has dissipated from the crowd, disappointed in Renjun’s and Chenle’s lack of skill. Nana just gives him a mocking pity smile as she tosses the ball into the right cup in the second row.

“Looks like you’re the one who fucking sucks,” she snickers, watching as he downs the cup of beer with a pout on his face.

“Shut up, you’re only good because you have nothing better to do,” he snaps.

“That’s a bad way of coping, assuming things just because you’re bad at it. You’d be bad at this even if you did it every single day,” she says disapprovingly with a click of her tongue. “You just don’t know how to do anything except be a nerd. Is this your first time tasting alcohol, goody two shoes?”

Chenle interrupts their argument with a cough, getting his ball into the middle cup closest to the other side. Guanheng exhales air through his nose as he drinks, slamming the cup on the table as he consumes the whole cup. He grabs the ping pong ball, focusing on the last cup standing on the other side.

“You better get this one, or I’m never playing beer pong with you again,” Nana whispers threateningly.

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” he smirks back as he bounces the ball on the table, and into the last cup.

Renjun groans as Chenle finishes the last cup on their side, whining about Chenle making them lose.

“As customary to our version of beer pong, you guys also have to split the last three cups of beer too,” Nana winks as she leaves the room.

Siyuan drags Nana to the group of people playing their version of Truth or Dare.

“Siyuan, Truth or Dare is the dumbest game in the history of dumb games,” Nana deadpans. “For the last time, I am not playing.”

“Hey, hey,” Guanheng pipes up from the circle. “We’re not playing Truth or Dare. That’s boring. We’re playing Dare or Humiliation!”

Nana raises her eyebrows.

“Come on, just one round, please?” Siyuan pouts, and she groans, obliging with a few “fine, okay”’s falling from her lips.

Siyuan spins the bottle in the middle to choose the first victim player.

And it lands on Siyuan. Nana smirks as she senses Siyuan’s grimace.

“Tang Siyuan,” Nana says. “Dare or Humiliation?”

“Hm… um, I’ll pick Dare,” Siyuan sighs.

“Wise choice,” Guanheng winks at her, and spins the wheel of dares on his phone, which everyone in the circle contributed to.

“Mix Lao Gan Ma, soymilk, mung bean ice cream, sesame paste, orange juice, salted egg crackers, that 5-day old jasmine milk tea with brown sugar boba and coconut jelly in Guanheng’s fridge, and yogurt in a blender and drink it,” he snickers, but it fades and a terrified expression grows on his face as he reads the rest of the dare. “And then… kiss Guanheng. I- wait, what? What if I got this one? Would I kiss myself?”

The two victims cringe at the sound of the monstrous dare.

“Now, who came up with this?!” he cries out in terror.

“Me,” Yangyang says casually. “Great dare, right? I was kind of hoping that Siyuan would get this one.”

Siyuan scowls at him as everyone else in the circle excitedly gets up to make her the gag-guaranteed drink.

Soon, Nana approaches her again with the demonic concoction of a drink— chunky and revolting— with a shit-eating grin on her face as Siyuan reluctantly accepts the cursed cup of disgusting foods.

“Drink up, darling,” she smirks at the scowl on Siyuan’s face.

Plugging her nose and quickly pouring the mixture into her mouth, she swallows with a grimace on her face.

“Oh God, that was nasty. Guanheng, come here,” Siyuan says with a cheeky grin on her face, grabbing him by the neck. She connects her lips with Guanheng’s, making sure that she slides her tongue into his mouth— forcing him to taste the gag-worthy drink, too.

He pulls away as soon as she lets go, coughing and choking at the taste.

“I’m getting water to wash that shit down,” he gags, as she follows him to get some for herself as well.

Siyuan sits back down in the circle, spinning the bottle again a little too eagerly.

It lands on Yangyang, and he groans out “Dare”, as Guanheng spins the wheel again.

“Kiss the person closest to you,” he reads. “Simple enough. You and Meng Xiyun.”

Xiyun cringes slightly at the dare, but stays in place as Yangyang pecks her on the lips, an indifferent expression on his face as he grabs the bottle to spin.

About ten rounds go by before the bottle lands on Nana.

“Dare,” she shrugs.

“Shit, we’re out of dares,” Guanheng sighs as he looks at the zero at the top of the “New Dares” list. “Anyone have a dare for her?”

Siyuan perks up, a little too eagerly as she downs the rest of her Tsingdao beer bottle, slamming it onto the floor as she yells out drunkenly, “MAKE OUT WITH HUANG RENJUN!”

Everyone in the circle goes silent. Nana’s eyes flick to the side of the room, where Renjun is still shit-talking someone (presumably, her) to Chenle, who looks extremely exasperated, but unable to stop his friend from complaining.

She hesitates for a few moments, but smirks and lets out a scoff as she processes the dare.

“Sure, I’ll do it,” she said indifferently, grabbing Yangyang’s half-empty beer bottle and chugging the rest of it before slamming it down on the ground again.

“Nana, what the fuck,” Yangyang deadpanned.

“Bitch, I’m not doing this sober.”

Everyone’s eyes widen in complete shock as she stands up and makes her way towards Renjun.

He loses his train of thought as he sees Nana walking towards him, and Chenle takes this as a cue to leave. She smirks at his pathetic attempt to back away— completely backing himself into a wall instead.

She slaps her hand to the wall beside him as she looks him up and down in disgust. She raises an eyebrow, exhaling heavily through her nose.

“Hey, student council president,” she scoffs. “Don’t you know it’s rude to talk shit about other people? Especially if they can hear you?”

He lets out an audible gulp as her hot breath brushes across face, making him look even more flushed on top of his drunken red glow.

“I— uh, yeah— but—” Renjun stammers, but before he could get an excuse out, she leans in even closer and his eyes blow wide as she connects her lips to his.

He doesn’t know how to react. His lips stay completely frozen as hers move against his passionately. Out of all the things he expected to happen, getting his first kiss as a makeout session from the person he hated the most was absolutely not one of them.

Renjun loses it when her tongue glides over his bottom lip, gasping into the kiss as her tongue slides into his mouth. He closes his eyes, kissing back as he moves his hands up to her head, pulling her even closer to him. He nearly moans into the kiss as her fingers find their way onto him, running through the hairs at the nape of his neck as her tongue explores each and every crevice of his mouth.

But just when Renjun was debating whether to slide his tongue into her mouth as well— something that had never even crossed his mind before, let alone considered— Nana suddenly pulls away, blowing out a breath against his lips before walking away, throwing a wink behind her shoulder at him before joining the circle again.

“I told you it was easy,” she states nonchalantly, like she definitely did not just have a heated makeout session with someone whom she hated more than her father (which was truly an impressive feat).

The rest of the group was still shocked, staring at her like she just entered the room from the ceiling.

“You— Renjun— that—“ Siyuan sputters out in disbelief, the shock from watching that probably sobering up her mind. “You actually did it?! I was joking, Nana. And I was drunk!”

“Don’t pretend to be innocent,” Nana rolls her eyes. “I know that all of you wanted to see that.”

A wave of embarrassment hits Renjun after he hears the conversation, as tears well up in his eyes.

Of course she isn’t interested in you, Renjun, he thought bitterly to himself. You were a fucking asshole to her.

And his eyes widen at the thought of thinking of her that way and he spins back to look at Nana’s expression, which looks uncannily similar to the Cheshire cat’s.

Don’t I hate her? Why do I even care?

His thoughts were nearly visible on his face.

Oh, sweetheart… that’s only what you want to believe, Nana thinks to herself, the shit-eating grin plastered on her face only growing.

iii. step one: try to make him like you— well shit, step one failed.

Nana wakes up in Yangyang’s bed to a massive headache and around fifty text notifications blowing up her phone.

Rubbing her eyes and yawning, she sits up, blinking her eyes as she regains consciousness, drinking a glass of water on the table beside the bed she was in.

She unlocks her phone, her eyes widening comically as she reads the texts guilty of blowing up her notifications for the past few hours.

siyuan idiot 🤺 — 01:04babe i know you’re batshit drunk right now but i think it’s a good idea to text you this so you DO know even though i’m right next to your drunk ass right the fuck now don’t kill me pls but i dared you to makeout with huang renjun and your dumbfuck ass DID… i- I’M SORRY FOR THE DARE ??? BUT I I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT ?@?1)*;&2(#1%$?!/ 😭😭 NANA PLEASE DON’T KILL ME ;A;

guanheng aka devil 👹 — 01:47 YANG NANA YOU DID NOT YOU FUCKING MADE OUT WITH HUANG RENJUN ??? IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AT MY PARTY???? OH MY GOD I NEVER KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME LMFAOO i am ACTUALLY WHEEZING btw i recorded it ;) Attachment: 1 video i’m sending this to everyone LMAOOOO

guanheng aka devil 👹 — 09:31Renjun’s at mine rn and he’s having a breakdown bc i told him what happened BSHKDSMSN help i’m trying not to laugh but it’s nOT WORKING

yangyang fake tsundere 😇 — 10:26you’re at my house rn (in case your hungover ass forgot <3) i just left to go buy you breakfast ok? do not call 119 today bc i’m not there :) i did NOT abandon you

Her face pales.

She kissed Renjun last night? The Huang Renjun who she claims to hate so much?

Nana’s cheeks flush upon watching the video.

Oh God. I’m fucked.

“Siyuan, this is all your fucking fault,” Nana whines, back at her favorite spot (or the rooftop). Her legs dangle off the side, and she kicks her feet around like a child as she frowns in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, Nana,” she apologizes for the umpteenth time, handing Nana a cup of her favorite drink: roasted oolong milk tea with brown sugar boba, light sugar and no ice.

Nana begrudgingly accepts, taking a sip and smiling at the taste. “I’ll forgive you after you buy me… hm, another twenty of these.”

But her smile soon fades again, remembering all the memories that she associated with the drink.

“Nana? Earth to Nana,” Siyuan says, snapping her fingers in front of Nana’s face.

Hearing the loud sound, she snaps back to reality and blinks away the memories, turning to face her friend.

“What?” Nana asks.

“I said,” she smirks. “Maybe you can use Renjun to get over Jaemin.”

She subconsciously flinches at the sound of his name.

“I… well, I mean,” Nana stutters. “It’s not a bad idea?”

“Exactly!” she grins. “You hate him anyway. No strings attached, you know? What’s the worst that can happen— you guys hating each other more?”

Nana forces a grin onto her face. “I’ll… I’ll think about it, yeah.”

Why am I hesitating?

“Why think? You have such a good opportunity. If only you saw his face yesterday after the kiss… oho. He was staring at you like you were some angel,” Siyuan snickers. “Angel, my ass. Devil is more like it.”

Despite the pile of excuses lying on the tip of her tongue, Nana blurts out, “I’ll do it.”

Siyuan’s eyes widen comically, not expecting Nana to accept her poorly thought-out plan so easily, but she brushes it aside.

“Step one,” she smirks. “Pair up with him in History today, and try to get him to like you. We have group projects starting today.”

“How do you know?”

“Hello? Did all that alcohol yesterday make you dumb?” Siyuan jokes. “I just had History first period.”

Nana gasps. “WAIT… Did you pair up with… with Guanheng?”

Her cheeks dust with pink at Nana’s accusation. “Well… maybe.”

Nana lets out a cackle. “I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it.”

“Shut up, Yang Nana!” Siyuan fumes in embarrassment.

“Make me, Tang Siyuan!” Nana retorts with a smirk on her face, but it dies as she realizes a very important detail that could make her plan go very wrong. “Wait… but Chenle is in Renjun’s class! Won’t they pair up?”

Siyuan lets out a sharp exhale of mock offense.

“I already have that sorted out, babygirl,” she rolls her eyes. “Who do you take me for? An idiot?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Nana teases.

Siyuan pouts. “Hey! Sometimes?!”

“Nah, I changed my mind,” Nana says, with a shit-eating grin on her face, and pauses for good measure before continuing her thought. “All the time.”

Just as Siyuan opens her mouth to retort, the school bell rings loudly.

“Gotta go— I have to go implement step one,” she snickers.

Throwing a teasing wink in her direction, Nana opens the door to the stairwell as a teacher yells from down below, “Are you guys on the roof? During school hours?”

Taking that as a cue to leave, Nana kicks the door open. The teacher to the entrance of the building as the two of them race down the stairs and exit through the back door of the building— just in time as they hear loud footsteps rushing up the staircase.

They collectively let out loud exhales of relief, before Siyuan gasps.

“Nana, our bags are up there!”

“... Shit.”

They collectively groan, but Nana convinces Siyuan to go to their math class first.

“It’s fine, I’m always in detention,” Nana grimaces. “Just tell the teacher I have, uh… period cramps.”

She opens her mouth to argue, but before she could get a single word out, they hear sounds of footsteps coming back down the staircase, and Nana shoves her away.

“Go!” she mouths at Siyuan, who frowns but runs to class.

She heads back into the building, only to be confronted by her old biology teacher.

“Yang Nana,” he sighs. “Why am I not surprised?”

She doesn’t respond, keeping an emotionless expression on her face.

He let out another sigh. “You just earned yourself a week of detention.”

“Cool,” Nana deadpans, before brushing past Mr. Han and walking up the staircase.

Mr. Han just blinks in confusion at the disrespect he had just witnessed— which, to be fair, was probably one of the only disrespectful actions he had ever seen from a student— but before he instinctively yells at her, he just shakes his head, lets out a sigh of disappointment, and exits the building.

Nana scrambles up the staircase, completely out of breath by the time she reaches the top, panting as she grabs the two backpacks and races back down.

“Pair up, everyone,” Mr. Yao announces lazily. “Find one person to work with— absolutely no groups of three.”

Renjun glances at Chenle, but he looks back at Renjun apologetically. “Sorry, I’m pairing up with Yifeng.”

He shoots Chenle a death glare, while scanning the classroom to find someone else who didn’t have a partner.

And his stomach drops when he realizes that the only other person who seemed to be alone was Yang Nana— the devil incarnate.

“You’re such a traitor,” Renjun sighs dramatically to Chenle. “You owe me so much for this.”

With that, he walks over to where Nana is sitting in the back corner of the class. He tries not to blush as memories of the previous night flash before his eyes.

“Oh wow, you’re voluntarily pairing up with me,” Nana deadpans, raising a singular eyebrow. “Class president got no friends left?”

Renjun resists the urge to fight back.

“So you’re back to being a bitch after making out with me,” he blurts out.

She lets out a mix of a scoff and a laugh at that, raising her eyebrows at his comment.

“Oh darling, did you think I did that because I like you?” Nana snickers. “Too bad it was just a dare, then.”

Ignoring the completely dejected look on Renjun’s face, she pushes herself out of her chair and leaves the table to take the assignment from Mr. Yao.

Step one: failed, she sighs to herself. Nana clenches her jaw in annoyance. Why do I even need him to like me?

“Can I have your WeChat username, at least?” Renjun sighs as she returns with one packet of instructions, haphazardly tossing it onto his desk.

“What, you want to take me out?” she smirks.

“In your dreams,” he manages to retort. “No, you idiot, it’s for the goddamn project.”

“That would be in my nightmares,” she scoffs. “I’m starting to think you purposely made your friend pair up with that girl so you could pair up with me.”

Renjun sputters out indignantly at her sarcastic jab, and Nana just tuts condescendingly as she grabs his open phone and punches her WeChat username into his phone harshly.

As the sound of the school bell pierces through the chattering noises in the classroom, she drops his phone into his lap indifferently, grabs her bag, and is the first to exit the room.

iv. alexa, play any random song. wait— no, NOT PPAP

huang renjun — 15:28hi it’s renjun when are you free to work on the project together

Nana scoffs at the notification, but as soon as she picks up her phone to respond, her coworker, Dejun, tells her to go take the order of the new customers.

Stuffing her phone into her apron pocket, she stands behind the cashier table.

“Hi, welcome to Wei Shen Cafe— oh, it’s you,” her fake smile disappears in an instant as she glowers at Renjun and Chenle standing across from her. “What do you want, nerd? Are you following me?”

“You wish,” Renjun snaps back. “This is one of the most popular cafes around here, you aren’t fucking special.”

“Hurry up and order,” Chenle groans.

But Renjun just ignores him, and continues pestering Nana.

“Aren’t you rich, Yang Nana? I wouldn’t think you’d be working at a cafe like this,” he prods, trying to get a reaction out of her.

But luckily, before she could open her mouth and cause a huge scene in the cafe (and maybe get fired if her boss comes out), Dejun comes to her rescue.

“What would you like? As you can see, there’s a long line behind you,” he tells Renjun plainly. “Please leave or order now.”

Chenle sighs in embarrassment, pushing Renjun aside as he orders two drinks hurriedly, pulling him to a table to sit down at.

“Thanks,” she mutters to Dejun, and he gasps mockingly.

“The Yang Nana? Saying something nice to me??” He gapes teasingly. “No problem. He was being a jerk anyway. Like, who does he think he is?! Commenting about you and what you do with your money like that? What an asshole.”

“You can say that again,” Nana sighs, resisting the urge to spit in the matcha latte she was making for Renjun.

huang renjun — today at 16:03when do you get off your shift

Nana just rolls her eyes, changing his name in her WeChat.

now watch me na(e)na(e) has changed huang renjun’s nickname to bitchboy extraordinaire

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 16:07none of your goddamn business, bitchface

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 16:07i’ll ignore that nicknamei’m fucking waiting for you right now when do you get off

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 16:12oh, you’re waiting? how sweet. i literally get off at 1am let’s see how long you can wait

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 16:13what…. doesn’t wei shen close at 10 ?? you’re fucking lying

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 16:20what’s it to you? we don’t need to see each other to work on this project anyway fuck off. go do it yourself you don’t have 8 hours of work like me every day

With that, she slips her phone into her back pocket and ignores the notifications buzzing from it.

Days pass, and the only thing on Renjun’s mind is her. The only thing he can think about is Yang Nana, that fucking stupid kiss, and the way his heart feels like it's about to beat out of his chest when he even catches a glimpse of her anywhere.

He’s fallen for her, and he hates it. Renjun knows that Nana doesn’t give a shit about him, so why does he still like her?

And why did she even hate him?

He feels like he’s going insane. He malfunctions every time she talks to him, and all of their flirty teasing is starting to get to him. His face fires up whenever she calls him darling, whenever she even smirks at him.

Renjun’s infatuated with her, and there’s nothing he can do but forget about it, and hope it’ll go away. Or confess, and inevitably get his heart broken.

“Fuck you, Yang Nana,” he mutters to himself.

Shaking his head and sighing at himself, Renjun goes back to studying— only to be interrupted by another notification, and his eyebrows raise, seeing that it’s from Nana.

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 11:51okay it’s a saturday so i don’t have that much work since you’re so fucking annoying, when do you want to work on the stupid project

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 11:53 have you ever considered that i might be busy

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 11:54 no if you’re “busy” then go do the damn project yourself

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 11:55have i ever mentioned that i hate your guts

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 11:57 yes many times like i said you can kiss my ass. i don’t give a shit.

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 11:58fuck you

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 11:58i know you want that anyways show up at 2pm at my house, or i will commit arson on your ass whenever i see you next

Renjun is left choking on his own spit at her very obvious sexual innuendo.

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 12:01 i don’t even know where you live

But his message goes ignored, and he sighs out a deep breath of annoyance.

Yang Nana, stop fucking with my head, will you?

Two hours later, Renjun receives a message with her address, and he looks down at Nana’s message and the apartment building he found himself in front of.

Floor 12, he reads. Room 7.

“No elevator?!” he cries out, his eyes staring at the dusty blue stairs with paint peeling off of them, the worn-out wood, and the rusty handlebar.

I guess I’m climbing twelve flights of stairs, he sighs to himself,

By the time he reaches the top, he feels like he’s done his brother’s leg workout, wiping sweat accumulating on his forehead. He pants out in exhaustion, taking his water bottle out of his bag and gulping down half of it to quench the sandpaper consistency his throat had started to resemble.

Finding Nana’s apartment was also a challenge, since there were no room number labels on the walls; and he finds himself knocking on her door at 2:20 pm.

“Sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find your place,” Renjun blurts out, mentally cursing himself for even bothering to apologize. “And why are there no elevators in this big ass apartment building? Are you really so poor that you need to live at such a worn-down—“

He doesn’t finish his thought before Nana grabs him by the collar and pulls him into her apartment harshly.

“Have you realized that not everyone is as rich as you?!” she snaps angrily. “Why are you even here if you care so much? If you didn’t want to work with me, you wouldn’t have even come here. So what’s your fucking problem, Huang?”

He falls silent.

“I’m— I,” he stumbles over his words. “I was just surprised, sorry. I didn’t know you were… you were… ”

“Poor. I know, I’m pretty fucking poor,” she sneers, rolling her eyes as she grabs his wrist and leads her towards her room.

He tries to stop asking so many questions, but when he notices the empty house, he opens his mouth to speak again.

“Yes, I live alone,” she snips tiredly.

His mouth closes.

“What happened to your parents?” Renjun asks.

He knows that he shouldn’t, but he can’t help but be curious— realizing that there was a lot he didn’t know about Nana than he had thought.

But she remains silent, and he takes that as a cue to stop talking.

Stupid, they both think, but for different reasons.

“Alexa, play any random song,” Nana says to her Amazon Echo that Yangyang had gifted her a few years ago.

“Generating a random song,” Alexa says, shuffling a list of songs. “Playing: Pen Pineapple Apple Pen, long version.”

Nana resists the urge to unplug and throw the device against the wall, as the man sings, “I have a pen, I have an apple… uh. Apple Pen. I have a pen, I have pineapple… uh. Pineapple P—“

“Wait—” she groans out at the sound. “No, NOT PPAP. Alexa, shut the fuck up.”

”If only it were that easy to get an Apple Pen,” she mutters.

Renjun lets out a snicker at that.

Around three hours of bickering, arguing and yelling later, Nana stands up.

“I need to go to work— good luck with the rest,” she informs him, closing her laptop and standing up to open her closet to grab her work bag and supplies. “I did way more work than you, since you were arguing with me and staring at me for most of the time, so… it’s not my work anymore. Go research about that stupid guy, and finish the presentation.”

Renjun raises his eyebrows at her clothing collection as she opens the door.

“If you’re so poor, how do you have Gucci—” he starts, but he’s cut off by Nana.

“Gifts,” she sighs out in frustration. “So many goddamn questions, you fuckface. Stop being so nosy, will you?”

With that, she grabs his laptop, shoves it into his backpack, and pushes it into his chest.

“Get out.”

As soon as they exit her apartment, Nana turns around and locks the door behind her.

“How do you get down to the lobby?” he asks.

“With the stairs,” she deadpans.

Renjun groans at the thought of going back down the stairs. “It’s not that bad. I used to live on the 20th floor.”

“What happened, though?” he asks again, as they begin down the stairs.

“Why do you need to know?” she retorts.

“Because…” he starts, fumbling over his words. “Because, I… I want to know. I think we didn’t start off too right—”

“No shit, Sherlock,” she snaps. “I don’t think we’re that close to justify me spilling to you my whole life story, though.”

“Maybe another day, when I don’t find you an asshole and a half,” she finishes.

He mutters something under his breath, but Nana doesn’t hear it— nor is she interested in knowing.

“Where were you from 2pm to 5pm, young man?” his mother questions as soon as she walks into the house, locking her Tesla and sitting down to eat dinner— a very late dinner.

Renjun freezes at her angry tone, sitting in front of his now cold food. “I was working on a project with a friend.”

“Chenle?” she asks. “He says that you weren’t at his house.”

“Not Chenle,” he replies. “Another person in my class.”

His mother tsks. “Show me the work you two did.”

He obliges, bending down to unzip his backpack and show her the presentation.

She scoffs (probably at the lack of criticism she can give).

“Why has your school ranking dropped from number 3 to number 4?” she snaps angrily. “What did I tell you about staying in the top three, huh?”

“Only getting an 89 on your chemistry test,” she seeths angrily. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?!”

Renjun’s eyes prick with tears upon the mention of his perfect brother.

“Your brother was so much better than you,” she yells. “He was so perfect. Everyone loved him, he was both popular and smart, getting everything he ever thought about having.

“What about you?! You just managed to snag the title of ‘Student Body President’, because there were no good candidates to choose from! You don’t get good grades, your teachers don’t love you as much, why are you such a failure?! I pay for your tutoring, your extra classes, and you still can’t do well?” she screams. “Why are you so useless? Wasting my money— I knew it was a mistake to have another child.”

Renjun’s tears drip into the broth of his noodles.

“Stop crying, you fool!” she barks at him. “Does that solve anything for you?!”

He sniffles, slamming his chopsticks down onto the table as he grabs a tissue to wipe at his tears.

“Why do you do this to me?!” Renjun sobs. “I try so hard to please you, and yet you’re still not happy.”

His mother swallows, sighing as she realizes she went too far.

“I was missing your brother,” she sighs. “I’m sorry, Renjun— I have been going to therapy, but nothing stops the anger.”

But Renjun was done with her excuses. “That doesn’t mean you can just release it all on me. I’m not your punching bag, Ma.”

He glances at the clock but ignores how close it is to midnight— grabbing his coat and phone.

“Going out for a walk,” he mumbles, running out the door and out into the neighborhood.

He tries to ignore his mother’s stupid words, wiping at the stray tears falling from his face.

I try so hard to be perfect for you, Ma, since Ba left and Ge stays at university, Renjun sighs to himself. Why don’t you ever see it, though?

He checks his phone, sighing as he realizes that it’s already past midnight.

Oh well, I can always go to the 24-hour convenience store, right?

He approaches the store, the bells on the dore jingling as he enters.

“Hello, welcome go 24/7— wait, what the fuck are you doing here?” a familiar voice speaks with annoyance.

Renjun looks up from the shelves, staring incredulously at Yang Nana, working behind the cashier table.

“I’m… why are you everywhere?!” he snaps.

“Why are you stalking me?!” she retorts.

“I’m not fucking stalking you! I just left to get some fresh air, and you’re everywhere I go!” he yells. “Forget it.”

But his red and puffy weary eyes don’t go ignored by Nana. Before he can leave the store, she walks around the cashier table and grabs his wrist, pulling him back in and shutting the door behind them.

“What’s wrong.”

It’s not a question, it’s a statement.

He gulps. “Why should I tell you, when you never tell me anything?”

She exhales harshly through her nose. “That’s besides the point. Why were you crying?”

“My mom,” he manages to utter out, and the tears begin welling up in his eyes again. She tosses him a pack of tissues, while choosing a ramen flavor for him as he speaks.

“She’s never been the same since my parents divorced,” he manages to explain.

And once he starts talking, everything spills out of his mouth.

“My brother is two years older than me,” he explains. “He left the country to the United States for university, and he hasn’t come back to visit since. But because he isn’t here anymore, my mom starts to think so highly of him. He was an average child, but now, in her eyes, he was perfect. He was perfect, because for his whole life before college, my parents were together.”

“Today, she was just spewing lies about how good my brother was, that just weren’t true, and making me feel like shit,” he sniffles, as hot tears run down his cold face. “Like I don’t try hard or something. Like it’s easy to be in the top five student grades.”

By the time he’s done explaining, Nana’s already prepared two bowls of instant ramen and two cups of boba milk tea.

“I’m sorry about that,” Nana says, and that’s the first kind thing that Renjun’s ever heard Yang Nana say to him.

“You’re… you’re being nice,” he gasps, clearing his throat and sniffling as he presses tissues to his leaking eyes.

Nana rolls her eyes. “No, I’m only capable of being mean,” she deadpans. “Here, eat the ramen. And the boba milk tea.”

He thanks her as he opens his bowl of instant ramen.

“Salted egg ramen?” Renjun gapes. “How did you know that was my favorite?”

“I didn’t. It’s my favorite.”

They sit across from each other and eat instant ramen together.

“Why are you working so late?” he asks.

“I need a lot of money, Renjun,” she smiles wryly. “If school is a third of my day, work is the second third of my day. I study at night, and I get up early for a shift before school. I live off of caffeine.”

He gasps at her hellish schedule. “Why, though? Why do you need so much money?”

“Because I don’t have parents anymore.”

The words take a few moments to sink in.

“Oh, God. That’s why you hate me,” Renjun sighs. “I’m… Nana, I’m so sorry.”

She manages a pained smile, resisting the urge to punch him as she remembers the bitter memory. “It’s… fine.”

“But it’s not. I had no idea, Nana,” he says apologetically. “When did it happen?”

“Seven years ago.”

He gasps. “You… you were only ten.”

She only lets out a forced laugh.

“And my dad left when I was twelve. He claimed that I caused him too much pain because I look almost identical to her.”

Renjun lets out a noise of indignation. “How could he?! Just leaving a child like that?!”

“Because my mom died of cancer, there’s a shit ton of hospital bills to pay,” she scoffs. “And because my dad’s gone, I have to pay them now. I watched as the bills were mailed to our house month after month, with a stupid amount of debt printed on each sheet. Given that we already weren’t rich at all, it was nearly impossible to pay it off… I know my dad left because the debt was too much.”

He scoffs at this. “How could your father feel okay with leaving a child by herself?!”

“He thinks it’s fine, because he covers the rent for my apartment,” she seethes. “What about food? What about the debt? He didn’t care. As long as I had a place to stay, he thought it was fine. So I had to leech off of neighbors for three years, until I was legally allowed to work.”

She takes a long sip of her drink afterwards.

“You’re the second person I’ve ever told,” she admits. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you.”

Renjun smirks suggestively. “Oh my, is the Yang Nana warming up to me?” he gasps mockingly. “Never thought I’d live to see the day.”

Nana raises a single eyebrow, the expression on her face unreadable. “You wish.”

And before he could ask what she meant by that, her coworker comes in for his shift, and Nana tells him that she has to leave. Taking off her uniform and grabbing her bag, she leaves the store, and gets onto her bike to go home.

v. huang renjun, master of the claw machine (yes, i’m kidding. he fucking sucks)

“You invited Renjun to your apartment yesterday?!” Siyuan and Yangyang collectively gasp scandalously.

“Oh my God, Nana, why didn’t you tell me? What did you guys do?” Siyuan gapes, nearly quivering with excitement.

“Nothing interesting,” Nana rolls her eyes. “We just… worked on the History project.”

“You need to take him out on a date,” Siyuan declares, taking a sip of her strawberry slushie that they had gone to buy during the second class of the day.

Yangyang clicks his tongue apprehensively, mixing his mango slushie. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to have a rebound after Jaemin and do it to Renjun on purpose.”

“No, it’s a great idea,” Siyuan interjects. “You don’t understand. After getting some dick, Nana will be happy again. “

Nana cringes at her in disgust, as she takes a sip of her lemon slushie. “Well… I do find it kinda rude to just play with Renjun’s feelings like that, but maybe talking to him will get That Dickface off of my mind.”

“It’s up to you, Nana,” Yangyang says. “Don’t feel pressured just because Siyuan changes boys every other day and clearly doesn’t care about any one of them.”

“Hey! I just sleep with different boys,” she defends herself. “They know what they’re getting into. So… erm, yeah— maybe it’s not a great idea to be an asshole to Renjun.”

“But one last dare, Nana,” Siyuan continues, her eyes sparkling. “I dare you to take Huang Renjun out on a date. Last dare, I promise.”

Nana tsks. “That’s easy, the boy’s already infatuated with me.”

And as a teacher yells at the three of them yet again for being on the roof without permission, the trio speeds down the staircase and split up in different directions to their respective classes.

Nana runs into her history class, grimacing as she realizes the only available seat is next to Renjun in the front.

Gives me the chance to ask him out, though, she smirks to herself, waltzing up to the empty seat and settling in, around 30 minutes late to the period.

“Yang Nana, do you realize that you’ve missed about half of class?” Mr. Han reprimands.

She just shrugs, unfazed. “Yeah.”

With that, she stuffs one of her wired earbuds into her right ear, pushing the end of the cord into her phone with too many scratches and cracks on the screen to count.

Starting a random song from her playlist, she lazily watches Mr. Han’s lecture, not even bothering to take notes— not that she could’ve, given she didn’t even bring anything school-related in her bag, besides her laptop.

“You’re all dismissed,” Mr. Han smiled amicably as the bell rang. As everyone stands up and begins chattering amongst themselves, Renjun turns to look at Nana, who surprisingly had not bolted out the door yet.

“You’re here,” he observes.

“No shit,” she deadpans.

He smirks. “Waiting for me?”

“In your fucking dreams,” Nana scoffs, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the class, as the rest of the people in the room gasp at the scene— utterly shocked, considering everyone knew of their hatred of each other. Renjun flushes with embarrassment, a grimace on his face.

“Don’t do that,” he whines. “Now everyone thinks we’re dating!”

She stops abruptly, turning to face him with a smirk on her face.

“Then let’s make their thoughts a reality,” Nana raises an eyebrow, sending him a wink. “Huang Renjun, do you want to go on a date with me later?”

Renjun swears that he felt his heart stop, as she notices his cheeks flush every shade of pink.

“Uh,” he says intelligently. “Um… ”

Nana presses a chaste kiss to his lips. “I’m taking that as a ‘Yes, Nana, I love you— I mean, I’d love to!’”

He freezes as her lips meet his.

“I’ll text you,” she winks, and with that, Yang Nana walks away from him.

“Fuck, I am in love,” he groans, as his worst nightmare comes true.

But is it really a nightmare?

“Ooooh, did I just see Yang Nana ask you out on a date?” Chenle gasps, a shit-eating grin widening on his face as he appears out of nowhere, slinging an arm over Renjun’s shoulder. “You like Nana?? I thought it’d be Yiren.”

Renjun wrinkles his nose in embarrassment. “No, I hate her, dumbass. That’s why I said yes.”

“You didn’t say yes, though,” Chenle observes. “But you didn’t say no, either… I was trying not to laugh when I saw you just fucking standing there without responding. Ha, I’d take that as a yes if I were Yang Nana too.”

Renjun cringes. “Whatever, we’re going home.”

“No we’re not,” he smirks. “I’m taking you shopping because you need to look HOT for the date. You have zero fashion sense, my boy… I’m going to need to buy you some better clothes. C’mon, I’ll tell my driver that we’re going shopping!”

That’s all Renjun hears before Chenle drags him away to the parking lot in an attempt to find his chauffeur— he’s nearly shoved into the fancy Tesla car with chicken-wing-looking car doors.

“Mr. Teng, we’re going to the mall,” Chenle informs his driver.

His chauffeur glances at Chenle from the rearview mirror and nods, before leaving.

Renjun’s phone vibrates with a notification, and he unlocks his phone to see a new message from Nana.

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 16:32 meet me in an hour at neo arcade

A lovesick grin spreads across Renjun’s face, and Chenle snatches his phone.

“An hour?!” Chenle squawks, looking at the time and addressing his driver. “Fuck. Mr. Teng, how far are we from the mall?”

“About twenty minutes,” he responds.

“How far is the arcade from the mall?” Chenle mutters to himself as he opens his Maps app. “Okay, only ten minutes. But we still only have an hour… Renjun, search up the store list, we need to have a good outfit in mind.”

A little less than sixty minutes later, Renjun enters Neo Arcade in the best outfit out of the choices that Chenle presented him with.

Taking his phone out of his pocket, he messages Nana.

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 17:28 i’m here

He half hated the way his heart pounded at the almost instant reply from her.

now watch me na(e)na(e) — today at 17:30be there in 2

When did two minutes, or 120 seconds, feel so long? Renjun fidgets with his jacket, stares expectantly at the door, and scrolls through his Weibo— but nothing successfully distracts him in the time he waits for Nana.

He forgets to breathe when he sees Nana walk through the door; although casual, she still looked stunning.

She had a black bucket hat on her head, a thick silver chain around her neck, wearing a leather jacket over a white tank top, red jean shorts and a pair of heeled white lace-up boots that went halfway up her calf.

When her eyes meet his, his mouth is still open but he closes it, walking towards her.

He doesn’t notice her eyes raking up and down his body, internally screaming at his new outfit; a green bomber jacket on top of a beige and brown striped tee, and a belt holding his denim jeans up.

Since when did Huang Renjun have such good taste in fashion?

“Wow, you look decent,” she manages to say. “Someone help you with your outfit?”

Nana doesn’t glance at his expression, looping her arm through his, but his cheeks are stained red with embarrassment.

Was it that obvious?

Noticing his silence, she erupts into laughter. “I’m just kidding. You look great.”

Renjun tries not to let out a breath of relief.

“You look good, too.”

Nana snickers. “You just noticed? Do I not always look good?”

Before he can respond, she drags him to the racing game, sitting onto the seat.

“Let’s race. Loser has to get a stuffed animal from the claw machine,” she smirks.

“Hey, I’m not good at these!” Renjun protests, and it only makes Nana’s cheshire-like grin grow wider.

“Even better.”

“Didn’t know that Yang Nana, a certified bad girl, would like stuffed animals, but okay.”

She gives him a pointed look. “Everyone likes stuffed animals,” she responds seriously, turning her car to the right to crash into Renjun’s, and his car falls down the edge of the trail, causing him to restart.

“Hey, that’s not fair!” he protests, a pout on his face as he drops to 10th place in the game.

“Nothing’s fair,” she snickers as she corners the person in front of her into the cliff, cheering as she ends up in first place.

“You owe me a stuffed animal, and I get to choose.”

Sliding off of the chair, she extends her hand to Renjun, who begrudgingly takes it and steps off.

“So you’re bad at racing games and beer pong,” she tuts sarcastically. “Disappointing. What a red flag”

Before he can retort, Nana pushes him lightly towards the claw machines.

“Okay, fine. What type do you want?” Renjun sighs.

“Squirtle.”

Renjun grimaces, walking towards the claw machine full of Squirtle plushies.

Inserting a few coins into the machine, his eyes narrow in on a specific Squirtle, and he moves the claw hand to the right via the controller. He squints at the aim as he presses down on the button, the claw reaching down for the leg of a specific Squirtle.

Unfortunately, the Squirtle drops from the claw, and Renjun slumps in defeat.

Nana just lets out a snicker. “Try again, babe.”

The tips of his ears involuntarily turn red at the pet name, but he sighs and inserts another two coins into the machine.

Nana silently takes out her phone to record this, silently laughing at his effort— and he visibly deflates at the failed attempt.

Determined to win Nana a Squirtle and not look like an idiot, he wastes more money and moves the controller, focusing on the biggest squirtle— hey, a bigger Squirtle means more area to hold, right?

No luck. The claw grabs the poor Squirtle by the neck, but it ultimately drops, and Renjun’s ears grow redder by the second.

“This stupid machine,” Renjun frowns, pushing yet another pair of coins, while Nana does her absolute best to not erupt into laughter, her camera still directed in his direction.

After a few more failures, his face lights up as he thinks of a new strategy.

“Maybe I should go for the tag,” he smiles as he presses down on his controller, causing the claw to reach down onto the back of the Squirtle’s neck, where the stuffed animal’s neck-piercing (... neck-ring?)— in the form of a tag— lay.

Renjun’s face lights up as the next Squirtle victim is dragged across the pile of other Squirtles.

He’s about to push over the claw machine in frustration when the claw rips the tag off of the plastic loop on the neck cleanly.

But Renjun lets out a cry of excitement as he realizes the stuffed animal had landed headfirst across the collecting tunnel, ultimately tipping over into the slot down below due to the imbalance. His cheeks dust with embarrassment as other people in the arcade cast judgmental looks towards him.

Nana stifles a laugh, stopping the stop button on her phone as she discreetly stuffs it into her jeans pocket.

“Only wasted 10 yuan too,” Renjun grins as he pulls the Squirtle out of the machine, handing it to Nana with a proud expression on his face.

She looks thoroughly impressed.

“Wow, so maybe you’re not bad at everything. Kinda bad, though,” she teases, grabbing the Squirtle from Renjun’s hands in one hand, and taking his hand in the other.

“You get to choose the next game.” Nana offers generously.

“Basketball,” he smirks, pulling her towards the basketball hoop game.

She visibly cringes.

“Shit.”

“Loser has to kiss the other person,” he raises his eyebrows.

“What about the winner?” Nana scoffs.

“Well, uh… they get the kiss?”

“Darn, so anti-climatic.”

And Renjun presses the “START GAME” button without warning, causing her to sputter out in disbelief.

“Hey, that’s cheating!” Nana protests, grabbing a basketball and surprisingly making it into the hoop.

“You cheated earlier too!” Renjun retorts, as Nana manages to get a few more in.

“Did not,” she grumbles, missing a ball, staring at her pathetic score of “8” and at Renjun’s “16”.

She pouts as she misses yet another hoop, and another. The ding of Renjun’s scorekeeper display— signaling that he got another ball in— only lowers her confidence as the game ends, with her at a measly 23 points while Renjun stood at 32.

Nana scoffs at her clear loss.

“So… looks like you owe me a kiss, sweetheart,” he smirks as he leans towards her, a suggestive grin on his face.

“You can get one any time, loverboy,” she smirks. “You don’t need to impress me…. you just have to ask.”

His eyes widen, and so does her smirk as her hot breath tickles her face.

She pushes Renjun against the nearest wall, pressing her lips against his.

His mind goes back to their first kiss at that party as her lips move against his, and his eyes flutter shut as he kisses her back.

But she pulls back before a makeout session starts, and he whines at the absence of her lips on his.

“Gotta win more games to get another one, hm?” Nana cocks a singular eyebrow, grabbing her Squirtle and moving to another game, leaving Renjun behind in a daze.

Again.

vi. dumb and dumbass. renjun’s the dumbass.

It had been a whole month since Renjun and Nana had (un)officially started dating, yet Nana had refused to put a label on it.

Even though Nana was saved as “nana gf 🦋” for Renjun, he was still saved as “dumbfuck 🔪” and she had a tendency to dodge every personal question that he’d ever asked— that is, since the time they opened up to each other a little in the 24/7.

To be honest, he was jealous of her. He admired the way she could mask her pain and become so indifferent— stoic, even— to everything, and wished that he could be that way.

Renjun wished that instead of being so easy to crack open, like an egg, he could hide away. It didn’t take much for him to open up to others, while he couldn’t even pry another sentence of information from her.

But he hated it. He hated the way Nana seemed not to care.

Does she even like me?

“Nana, can we hang out again?” Renjun asks, while Nana walks with him out of History.

“Hmm,” Nana hms. “Maybe next week.”

She doesn’t miss the way his face falls. “I’m sorry, but I have a lot of work.”

Renjun pouts. “Fine,” he says childishly and leaves her side to enter his own classroom.

She watches as he leaves, and sighs as she continues on her way to the rooftop, a hand reaching for her lighter and cigarette, and her other reaching for her phone with earphones plugged into it.

Nana climbs the stairs with regret as she lights a cigarette, knowing that her time with Renjun was limited.

“Gosh, I’m so stupid,” she grumbles. “This is just stupid— literally the plot to a shitty coming-of-age movie.”

She was so closed off to others that no one really knew what was going on in her life. Not Siyuan. Not even Yangyang. And she hated it. Nana despised the way she pushed everyone away from her.

She was consumed with the consequences of her bad decisions, and she knew that one day, she wouldn’t be able to hide.

Nana’s so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn’t even notice a familiar motorcycle passing by.

“Yang Nana, we meet again, at last,” a cold voice utters out, letting out a sinister chuckle. “You won’t be able to run again. We need the money.”

She freezes at the sound of the voice, and her instinct is to run— but he’s right. She can’t; not with a gun pressed to the back of her head.

“Money, Yang,” he hisses, pressing the cold metal even harsher against her head.

“I— I don’t have it on me.”

“Then let’s get going, hm? To your house, shall we?”

“Only if you let the gun go. Someone’s going to call the police if they see this.”

Squinting at her, he reluctantly lowers his hand— falling directly into her trap as she kicks her leg up high and strong, the tip of her boot hitting his jaw.

He spits out a mouth full of blood, a hand cupping his jaw as he winces.

“You— Yang Nana!” He screams, lifting the gun again, but she swiftly grabs it by the barrel and turns it onto him.

“Oh, looks like you’re going to need some help, hm?” she tuts.

“Yang… you will pay… ” he croaks out, but she only scoffs, grabbing him by the forearm and twisting it backwards, socking him in the gut with the gun.

“We’ll see about that,” she sneers, watching as he falls to the ground, and kicks him in the ribs for good measure.

“Say hi to your boss for me,” Nana smirks, dropping his gun down the sewer.

“I am about to gag at you two,” Siyuan cringes at the sight of Renjun and Nana holding hands.

“Me too,” Yangyang says in disgust.

“See you later, Renjun,” Nana waves as he turns around to walk home.

Yangyang raises a brow at the sight. “You’re not walking him home?”

“I don’t need to spend every minute with him,” Nana deadpans. “Also, I have work.”

The smile on his face drops upon hearing her words, but he doesn’t turn around.

Yangyang scoffs. “That’s a little harsh.”

“You and Renjun— literally dumb and dumbass, except Renjun’s the dumbass,” Siyuan sighs. “You’re supposed to spend more time with him, idiot.”

Renjun walks home from school alone, a frown on his face while he ponders about Nana.

Why is she so confusing? I never understand her, he thinks to himself with a sigh.

But when he’s a little more than halfway home, he feels the sensation of being followed. Renjun panics, his heart pounding against his chest, as he grabs his sunglasses from his backpack, to see three people unsubtly trailing him, all dressed in different variations of a beanie, leather or denim jackets and ripped jeans.

Yikes, scary, he gulps to himself, trying to walk faster, but the people behind him notice and run to catch up with him.

Before he could try to get away, they pass him and stop abruptly, turning back to face him.

“You?” The one in the center scoffs as the other two corner Renjun against a fence. “Wow, Nana really moved on with a fucking loser.”

“You know Nana?” Renjun asks in confusion. “Wait, who are you guys?”

“What do you think, you idiot?” he hisses. “I’d beat you up so bad, but that’s not really an option… Nana would just come and beat me back.”

“I’m Jaemin, the one with a red beanie is Haechan, and the other one is Jeno,” Jaemin introduces plainly.

He nods and gives a small smile as a welcome, but none of them return it.

“How— how do you know her?” Renjun croaks out, intimidated by Jeno and Haechan’s glares blazing into him.

“We dated. But she broke up with me,” Jaemin scoffs. “All because my fling decided to text her. What an idiot.”

Renjun’s jaw drops. “How is she an idiot?! She was doing the right thing by telling Nana!”

“Oh, of course you’re sticking around for that girl, loverboy,” Jeno sneers. “You don’t know even a smidge of what she’s hiding underneath, boy. Can’t you tell that she’s bad news? What’s a dork like you doing around her?”

Renjun flinches at the same nickname that Nana had called him at the arcade.

“We— we’re dating,” Renjun stutters out.

“Are you now,” Haechan drawls out with a cocked eyebrow. “Nana does move quickly, hm?”

“Shut up, you idiots,” Jaemin snaps angrily. “Let me fucking talk.”

He pushes past Jeno and Haechan and stares directly into Renjun’s eyes.

“You don’t know Nana. I’m doing you a favor here— she’s a thief, a liar, a manipulator. She’s not what she seems, and she’s involved with criminals, Huang Renjun. You need to run, or they’ll get you before her.”

Renjun’s eyes widen. “What— how do you know?”

“What do you think?” Jaemin sighs. “We broke up a month ago. And I was once captured by them. I’m saying this for your safety. Renjun, get as far as you can away from Yang Nana, because the people she’s with are dangerous. They can ruin your life, like they did to mine.”

Tears begin to well up in Renjun’s eyes as he’s struck with betrayal.

“Nana— she wouldn’t,” he says desperately. “Nana can’t be like that, she… ”

He trails off. As much as he hated to admit it, Jaemin’s claims somewhat lined up with Nana’s behavior— her refusals to spend time with him, her being “busy with work” all the time.

No, she couldn’t…

“And I know why she even went after you,” Jaemin adds, to add salt to the wound. “I was at a bar the other day, and hooked up with her friend Siyuan— who’s such a whore— and guess what? Siyuan told me the plan they came up with. Renjun, the truth is that she only dated you to get over me.”

Those words impale Renjun’s heart, and he’s left broken and confused.

“Nana… no, this can’t be… ”

“I’m only trying to help you, Renjun. Please consider it,” Jaemin says with a fakely apologetic smile, and motions for Jeno and Haechan to follow him as they leave.

Leaving Renjun in tears.

“That was a little harsh, Jaemin,” Haechan grins as soon as they’re out of earshot from Renjun.

“Just need him away from Yang Nana,” Jaemin smirks. “She’s not allowed to be happy. Not without me.”

vii. can i set his dick on fire? please?

Nana flips her phone over near the end of her shift, pressing the pad of her finger to the fingerprint sensor to unlock her phone.

A smile grows on her face, eager to see the message as she sees that it was from Renjun.

bitchboy extraordinaire — today at 00:07 you’re such a fucking liar i never want to see you again

Blood drains from her face as she frantically picks through her memories, trying to remember what she had done wrong.

But ultimately, she didn’t remember what she had done.

Nor did she respond to his accusation, deciding to finish her homework, and passing out on her bed immediately afterwards.

Nana had no idea what she had done wrong.

Why did Renjun get so mad?

She kept thinking about what could’ve happened, yet she still came back empty-handed, unable to find anything she had lied to him about.

During their lunch break, Nana waits outside of Renjun’s classroom, making sure she could corner him and ask.

Sure enough, he comes out a few minutes later, but attempts to run once he sees Nana standing near him expectantly.

Nana easily corners him into a wall.

“Renjun, what did I do?”

He gapes at her incredulously.

“You’re asking me?! You’re trying to ruin my life!” Renjun exclaims angrily.

Nana only stands there, staring at him in confusion.

“I don’t know where you got that from, but I promise you that I do not take pleasure in ruining lives. Nor do I have the power to do such a thing,” she says, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t lie to me,” he snaps. “I know everything now.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Please, enlighten me. What knowledge have you acquired to make you hate me this much?”

“I ran into your ex yesterday,” Renjun blurts out, and Nana’s stare turns icy.

“Oh no, he didn’t,” she mutters. “That fucker.”

“Yeah? He told me that you’re using me. He told me that you’re involved with a lot of criminals that will find out about me and ruin my life. And that you got a bet to date me,” he accuses, getting more and more emotional as he reveals all the information. “From Siyuan, to get over Jaemin.”

“That fuckface,” Nana sneers, and Renjun swears that he’s never seen her so angry. “If you really believe the words of a fucking liar, a fucking manipulator and gaslighter, go ahead and believe the words of that fucking asshole.”

She backs away from him, allowing him to scramble away.

“But I will tell you the truth once,” she says. “I was only involved with criminals when I couldn’t make enough money, and they have never bothered Jaemin before. He only knows because I told him.”

“And, maybe it was a stupid dare to Siyuan, but it’s a shit ton more to me.”

With that, she walks away from Renjun with a heavy heart.

He just watches her shaking form as she leaves his side, the regret hitting him in a huge wave.

When Nana reaches Yangyang, he looks at her expression in concern.

“What happened, Nana?”

She swallows the lump in her throat, hesitantly spilling everything out to him.

Yangyang’s expression contorts from worry, to confusion, to rage.

“He did WHAT?!” He yells out loudly. “Oh my God. The next time I see his pretty face, I’m going to smash it in so his face is concave—”

“Yangyang, no,” Nana sighs, her head in her hands. “That’s…. ”

But she couldn’t find a good reason to reject his proposal, knowing she’d do the same if someone else had done this to Yangyang.

“Can I set his dick on fire? Please?” he frowns. “I am not going to stand and watch two assholes ruin your life. No. That’s not going to be okay.”

Nana’s eyes fill with tears for the first time in what seemed to be an eternity.

“Nana, no—” Yangyang panics, reaching through his bag to look for a tissue, but unable to find a single one.

Taking off his hoodie, he lets out a breath of relief knowing that he had washed his hoodie the day before, dabbing the sweatshirt sleeves at her eyes.

“It’ll be okay, Nana,” he says, wrapping his arms around her shaking form. “Don’t cry— that goody-two-shoes ain’t worth your tears.”

“But he is,” she cries, feeling her heart crush with all the pain. “He’s the first time I’ve felt love in a very long time.”

“And he’s a fucking dumbass,” she adds after a moment.

“Hey, Na Jaemin!” Nana yells at him. “I hope you choke on a fucking stick!”

Jaemin turns around with his signature fuckboy smirk. “Oh hi, Nana, long time no see!”

“I’m not interested in formalities,” she spits at him, decking him in the face without a second thought.

They both hear a loud crack coming from Jaemin’s face, and he winces in pain. He clutches his nose as blood trickles out of his nose, staining his hands, and dripping onto the ground.

“I think you broke my nose,” he grunted out.

“I think so, too. I’m glad. That’s the least I could do after you ruined my life, twice. Go eat shit,” she snaps, kicking him in the stomach without remorse, and Jaemin crumples at the impact.

“Nana, I just wanted you back,” he croaks out. “Please, give me ano—”

“Another chance?” Nana sneers. “Not after you cheated on me, dickface.”

She squats down in front of him, relishing the sight of Jaemin in such pain. Nana offers him her hand, and he eyes it suspiciously, but takes it despite the hesitation.

“Oh, you thought I was going to help you up,” she coos. “How cute.”

And she bends his arm backwards, earning a pained howl from the boy.

“I hate you, Jaemin, and I will hate you forever. Stop meddling with my life and go fuck yourself.”

That’s the last thing Jaemin ever hears from her before blacking out.

viii. oh you’re keeping me hostage ?!

TWO YEARS LATER.

Nana doubles over in laughter at something her friend, Aiyun, said.

“Please, that’s hilarious,” she shakes with laughter, wiping tears that spring from her eyes.

Just as Aiyun opens her mouth to say something, a boy their age taps on her shoulder.

“Sorry, could I talk to your friend for a little bit?” He asks.

“Oh, go ahead,” Aiyun smiles, backing a few steps away.

Nana looks up to see his face— and her spirits drop. Her gaze hardens at the sight of him, and the previously wide smile on her face drops immediately, replaced with a straight line. The sparkle in her eyes fade, and she looks him up and down in disgust.

“What are you doing here?” Nana snaps.

“I just—” he sighs.

“Stop it. Just go,” she says.

“Wait!” Renjun exclaims as she turns away, and Nana swivels her head to look back at him.

“Huang Renjun, what do you fucking want?”

“I’m sorry.”

Nana remains expressionless for a few moments, before she forces out a laugh.

“You’re about two years late for that.”

“No, wait!” Renjun says, instinctively grabbing onto her arm as she turns away from him again, but this time, he’s met with an icy stare.

“Let go, Huang Renjun.”

He obliges, wincing at her tone, but before he can get another word out, Nana stops him.

“I’ve moved on, Renjun. A long time ago. Now there’s someone that loves me without doubt. We would’ve never worked out, Huang Renjun. You’re a fool who believes the words of strangers before even trying to know the whole story.

“I don’t want to see you anymore. And the party is ending, I’m leaving,” she adds.

“Nana! There you are,” Yangyang says, making his way over to her, slinging an arm over her shoulder.

And he, too, glares coldly at the sight of Renjun.

“What are you doing here?!” Yangyang scoffs.

“I transferred here,” Renjun responds. “Are you guys… dating now?”

Nana just shoots him an empty stare.

“I have no obligation to tell you anything.”

The two of them walk away from him without another word.

“Why didn’t you tell him that you’re doing a lot better than before?” Yangyang murmurs to her. “And that we’re dating?”

“I just hate his guts,” she shrugs. “But I can tell him we’re dating to make you feel better.”

Yangyang scoffs. “Like I care.”

A smirk grows on Nana’s face. “Aw, you’re jealous. That’s cute.”

Yangyang pouts, turning to the side to face her.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

A cocky grin spreads onto Yangyang’s lips as he places a chaste kiss on her lips, effectively shutting her up.

“I wish I dated you instead of Jaemin and Renjun.”

“Me too, but you’re mine forever now.”

Nana gasps in mock horror. “Oh no, you’re keeping me hostage?!”

“Shut up.”

#ficscafe #ankathia #kflixnet #nct-writers #nct scenarios #renjun scenarios #nct dream scenarios #renjun angst #renjun imagines #nct angst #nct dream angst #yangyang scenarios #yangyang angst

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derelictheretic · 1 year

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Tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton, @clicheantagonist and @baldurrs (Thank you!!) to list 5-10 songs that describe or relate to my fav otp/personal ship(s) ! Stuck to my fc5 ones for this <3

Tagging: @viktor-sinclaire @trashcatsnark @bluemojave @ishwaris @unholymilf @roofgeese @sukoshimikan @detectivelokis @strangefable @necro-hamster @deputyash @rejected-beater @jollybone @eur0paa-2 @i-am-the-balancing-point

I just went with 5 songs for each ship, I've been obsessed with Sleep Token recently so they have snuck into a few playlists lmao

Spotify

Clueless by Ellie Williams

Do you think she has seen i'm captivated by her speech?

Or is she clueless?

The Only Exception by Paramore

And up until now I had sworn to myself

That I'm content with lonlieness

I Love you but you make me cry by Elthia

You try to protect yourself

So I have to rip through you

I Wish I never Met You by Babygirl

I wish I knew forever would end so soon

I wish I never kissed you in my living room

Enemies by Lauv

Oh tell me, why did we throw away the love we had?

And tell me why do, why do we love to make it hurt so bad?

Spotify

River by Bishop Riggs

Shut your mouth, baby, stand and deliver

Holy hands, will they make me a sinner?

Obsessed With You by The Orion Experience

Your love is better than cocaine

I need you more than oxeygyn

Room For Two by Will Knox

If there is a heaven

I hope I go to hell with you

John My Beloved by Sufjan Stevens

I am a man with a heart that offends

With its lonely and greedy demands

Granite by Sleep Token

I was more than just a body in your passenger seat

And you were more than somebody I was destined to meet

Spotify

I love you baby by Surf Mesa, Emilee

I love you baby, and if it's quite alright

I need you baby, to warm these lonely nights

Dance Alone by Talya Parx

Left hand up, right hand on the bible

You walked in, I was dead on arrival

Angel of small death and the Codeine scene by Hozier

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh

I lay my heart down with the rest at her feet

My Attic by P!nk

I will give you all my secrets

If you promise you can brave my attic

Lovefool by The Cardigans

Say that you love me

Fool me, fool me

Spotify

It Will Come Back by Hozier

Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it

Honey, don't feed it, I will come back

Once Upon a Dream by Lana Del Ray

And I know it's true, vision are seldom what they seem

But if I know you, I know what you'll do

Alkaline by Sleep Token

And she's changing me

It's too late for me now, I am altered

Deity by Valeree

I'll be your deity, fall to your knees

Oh, honey, pray to me between the sheets

Religion by ZAND

My angel's most polite

When I am on my knees

Spotify

Hit Me With a Kiss by Solo

And when he hit me with his kiss

I tasted whiskey on my lips

Persia by Until The Ribbon Breaks

If I can't be your prince

Then I like to whisper, I'd like to leave you in my fingerprints

Love Is A Weapon by Letdown.

It's just a masochistic love

I've got the push under your shove

I Go Hungry by Mother Mother

When I go hungry I go nail and tooth

When I go hungry, I go hungry, I go hungry

Puppy Pound by Jazmin Bean

Normally i'm no stray, you won't find me in the lost and found

So why'd you make me feel like I am in the goddamn puppy pound?

Spotify

Power by Isak Danielson

When you move, you make my oceans move too

If I hear my name I will run your way

I'll Keep You Safe by Sleeping At Last

Our mistakes, they were bound to be made

But I promise you I'll keep you safe

Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley

And Love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

The Summoning by Sleep Token

Oh, and my love

Did I mistake you as a sign from God

His Hands by Blegh

But you know I was still down on my knees

Like it was a religion

#misc: music #misc: tag game #ship: Pick Your Poison #ship: The Angels Baptist #ship: It Was Me and You Until it Wasn't #ship: Only Us #ship: In The Bliss #ship: Through Heaven's Eyes #I listen to the John/Dean and Jacob/Dean playlists the most they got my fave vibes

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moonrose-mortem · 2 years

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Just listened to the song "Kings and Queens, pt. 2 feat. Lauv and Saweetie" by Ava Max and it sounds like a song straight from Willow Park's workout playlist, but these lyrics in particular def had a dash of Huntlow/Winter vibe:

"She's a queen and I'm just lucky to be close to the throne.

I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy but she's taking me home.

No damsel in distress don't need to save her.

She's a goddess I will never try to change her.

She knows she's got my world inside of her palm, but she can have whatever she wants."

💛💚

#the owl house #huntlow #willow park #winter #hunter #amv please #or new playlist for willow #toh

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ibts · 9 months

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STREAM JACK IN THE BOX, THE ASTRONAUT, INDIGO, FACE, D-DAY , LAYOVER, GOLDEN |

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BTS ALBUMS, SOLO ALBMUNS, SUB-UNIT & COLLABS IN ORDER

#bts #방탄소년단 #rm #jin #suga #jhope #jimin #v #jungkook #kimnamjoon #kimseokjin #minyoongi #parkjimin #kimtaehyung #jeonjungkook #junghoseok

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glenrocklibraryteens · 1 year

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BOOK REVIEW: THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY

The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han

Fiction

Number of Pages: 276

Rating: 3 - Good - It was entertaining, but didn't blow me away

Spotify Playlist: curated by reviewer, inspired by this book

Reviewed By: Anonymous

The author, Jenny Han, of the teen fiction book "The Summer I Turned Pretty," shares with us a story about a 15 year old girl, Isabel Conklin, also known as Belly, who goes back for another summer to her favorite place, a residence called Cousins Beach. Similar to every summer, Belly spends time with the two sons of her mother's best friend, Conrad and Jeremiah Fisher, hoping to fall in love. But, what exactly is different about this summer? What is so special about this summer? Well, this summer Belly is all grown up. Belly finds herself stuck in a love triangle with both Fisher brothers. Who will she choose? Who was she ultimately made for? Read The Summer I Turned Pretty for all the answers to these questions.

Since this book recently had a show released along the lines of the book, I had decided to read it. While I was reading the book, not much had seemed to catch my eye or fascinate me. It was more like a drama and love story which was interesting but it didn’t have a curiosity point. Curiosity point being something that the author would tell you at the end of the book. I liked this book because it showed a point of view of a teenager and me being one helped me connect with Belly. I discovered how hard it is to not know how you are feeling and not being able to fully understand this meaning of “love” as you are not that matured yet. This book made me change the way I feel about love and destiny. Sometimes the person you think is right for you isn’t always the one. Some things just come slowly and you have to wait for them. I think that this is the most important idea that the book tried to share with us. The reason that I didn’t give it a 5/5 is because it got boring at some points because there isn’t much of a plot towards it. It didn’t excite me as much as other books would have. There is a lot of drama in this book but something a bit more down to earth would have made this book a great story! However, there were some great things about this book. The TV show that was made alongside this book is really interesting and reading the book makes it an even better show to watch. I liked how the cover of the book gave insight towards the characters and how they are described in the book. It gives more meaning to the book when you can see a clear illustration of it in front of you. At the end of the day, I would recommend reading this book because it is a nice book to read alongside the show and also it gives a lot of tips about teenage life.

Playlist:

10,000 hours by Justin Bieber: This song displays Conrad's love for Belly and how he would wait as long as it takes to understand what Belly actually likes and he is willing to wait for her.

Adore You by Harry Styles: This song shows the sweet and loving heart of both Fisher brothers and how they would take care of Belly as a little child because they love her.

I Like Me Better by Lauv: This song really displays how Belly always seems to love being in Conrad's presence and it shows how she is always herself around him.

Remember That Night by Sarah Kays: Belly tries to forget about Conrad but he keeps reminding himself of his presence by doing silly things. As Belly tries to move on, Conrad wants to keep her

Shallow by Bradley Cooper: This song shows the dark of love which Belly feels when she constantly gets hurt all the time because of the love triangle.

Love You for a Long Time by Maddie Rogers: This song puts meaning into how Conrad has loved Belly for a really long time but he was never able to display it.

Fallin All in You by Shawn Mendes: This song shows how Belly may be falling for the wrong Fisher brother and she may not have ever realized this.

What A Man Gotta Do by the Jonas Brothers: Another love song that shows the man's point of view, in this case the Fisher brothers.

One Kiss by Calvin Harris: It shows how one kiss can change everything and it gives the vibe about how everything can change with a simple kiss.

#book review #teen book review #fiction

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yo-hanie · 1 year

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never not (a letter)

I finally thought about something. About how I can't get you off my mind. Maybe these are the reasons why it is hard for me to let go, even after years of no communication and not seeing each other.

I still cry whenever I think about my Mom. And it sucks that my mom only met and got the chance to know you. My mom who only knew that I loved you so much. And told her that I wanna be with you forever. My mom thinks that you're good for me and that you changed me and can still keep up with me. She even asked about you before she was gone.

My grandmother passed away soon after my mom. She was bedridden for 2 weeks and kept asking me about you. And so as my cousins.

And then my grandmother from my father's side passed away after months. And I was frequently asked by my cousins where you at and what you're up to now. I don't know, I don't even have any idea.

Every celebrations, every milestone and every success I obtained, everyone looked for you. As if every little thing that will happen to me and every road I'm about to be in, you should be the one I'm sticking with.

I haven't even brought my girlfriend to their graves even when she asks. I don't know, but maybe I wanna stay as it is?

I guess I want my grandmas and mom to remember you even when they're gone and even when you aren't mine anymore.

I hope you're okay and happy with someone else.

#Spotify

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coffeebanana · 1 year

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🎧👽👀🥚🎨 (for the fanfic writer ask game <3)

From this fanfic writer ask game.

🎧 A certain song you listened to while writing a fic?

Okay, aside from songfics I don't usually pay much attention to what songs I listen to while writing. But Say Something does have a short playlist, and some of the songs I've listened to a lot for that fic are Yours (Conan Gray), pale blue dot (Wrabel), and Modern Loneliness (Lauv).

👽 Strangest fic you ever written?

I gauge strangest by "fics I couldn't stop laughing while writing". So by that metric it's either Paper Me With Kisses or Marinette? She's Just a Furry Good Friend! 👀 What’s an idea you had for a fic that you never did anything with?

Ooooh since I know you like She-Ra I'll go with the one idea I had for that which at this point I won't ever write. It was inspired by the movie "Life As We Know It", where basically two people who can't stand each other (but whose best friends are married) end up raising their friend's kid after their friends die (and yk, it's a rom-com so they get together). So Catradora would have raised Glimbow's kid (sorry Glimbow ily but it's for the plot kajfbdkjsd). It would have been different from the original movie since Catra and Adora would have grown up together and then parted ways at some point during high school, and I'd actually planned for Catra to befriend Glimmer and Bow before they met Adora, so the dynamics would be a little different from canon.

(I guess since I did plan some backstory it's not entirely something I did nothing with but I feel like it counts. Also did I explain this in the most confusing way possible? Maybe.)

🥚 Any easter eggs you put in a fic that you hoped people would notice?

I'm sure there are more but the one I remember off the top of my head is that Margot (my OC from the Miraculous Coffee series) is also the barista in my I Don't Believe In Umbrellas.

🎨 Show us a sneak peek from a WIP! Hmm...ok. This is a little something from chapter 7 of Say Something. (Chapter 5 is currently busy being torn to shreds in edits LOL). This is subject to change when it also gets destroyed in edits but kajfdjsb I don't think this bit in particular will change that much. Also it's soft.

The hospital was cold. Adrien realized that right before Marinette let out a huge yawn and nearly stumbled backwards into a shelf full of needles—maybe they should have decided on a better place for Pegasus to transport them into than a supply room. Still, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world when Adrien grabbed her hands and she stumbled towards him instead. “‘M sorry,” she mumbled, leaning into his touch a little. “Still not awake.” Adrien wrapped his arms around her before she could pull away. “It’s okay,” he mumbled. Her pink hood had fallen off, so he buried his face in her hair.

Thanks for the ask!! 💜

#ask response

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musicjunkie71315 · 2 years

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What Does the Song Mean?

Song Name: Who

Artist: Lauv ft. BTS

Genre: Pop

This post is going to be about my interpretation about the meaning of one of my favorite songs in my Spotify playlist titled, Who, by Lauv featuring BTS. Now I have to admit that I haven't actually listened to any of his music other than when he features BTS in his song which he has done twice so far I believe. So I ended up listening to this song because BTS was featured on it and I wanted to see what it was all about. It ended up being an amazing song and BTS vocals in it are just so amazing. Their voices are god sent. But anyways I'm rambling so lets get straight into it.

The very first thing Lauv says when he starts the song is "outlines of your eyes and visions of you" . It was kind of hard for me to determine the meaning of this but I when he sings this I think he is talking about a significant other. Images of that persons eyes are popping into his head along with visions of them. I think this person is his SO because, why else would you think of someone so much like. Why would you be having repeated visions of a person and specific features that they have if you weren't in love or falling in love with them? The he says that he needs a minute to figure things out. This made me think that he is on the outs with this person that he is talking about. If nothing was going wrong between them then he wouldn't need time to figure anything out. He also basically says that his mind is scrambled and he has a whole bunch of thoughts racing through his mind with choices to make. So whoever this girl or person is...they're really putting this man through it. Then Lauv seems to start remembering things about his relationship with this person who seems to give him mixed signals a lot. I say this because Lauv sings about how this person makes him feel crazy and that sometimes they act like they hate him.

In the next part of the song, BTS members, Jimin and Jungkook come in. I don't them coming in makes them have anything to do with the storyline Lauv is trying to get across but they're telling it for him in his point of view. They say "who are you?" Obviously they don't actually mean who is this girl because they literally don't know her. They're saying it because she's changed and she acts completely different from when the relationship started to where they are at now. I also know this to be true because they say that something has changed and that she isn't the same. And he says that she's not the girl that he fell in love with.

Because of all these reasons that were said in the song Lauv knows deep down this girl isn't the one he's going to marry and spend the rest of his life with. That makes him really sad which is why the song is sung in such a desperate tone by all the singers. Lauv then begins to express his feelings about love and how long it's taking to come to him. He says "I'm sick of waiting for love". It seems like love is something he really wants and no matter how much he tries to have it, it never works out which can be very frustrating as I can relate to him with this.

Overall, the lyrics of this song are talking about how Lauv's relationship with a girl seems to have come to a dead end because she's changed too much and he has a hard time reading her. He wanted so desperately for her to be the one but she isn't and because he has came to this conclusion he is hurt because all he wants is love.

As I say at the end of most of my Song Meaning post, this is just my interpretation of what the song means. I know that it could very well mean something else. I have attached the song to this post so if you want to listen to it yourself please feel free to tell what you think the song means in the comments!

#Spotify #lauv music #lauvsongs #lauv lyrics #wholauv #bts jimin #bangtan #jungkook #bts #pop #indie #heartbroken

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aehyei · 2 years

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𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗗𝗔𝗬?

osaki shotaro’s unofficial guide on how to confess to ur crush <3: (1) act like a man. (2) get ready with huge flowers and romantic gifts. (3) chicken out. (4) and congratulations, you never got to confess at all.

PAIRING : osaki shotaro x reader

GENRE : !fluff, !romcom, !crack, !highschool!au, !secret admirer!au, !mutual pining!au, !young love!au

WC : 3.21k

WARNINGS : teeth rotting fluff, childish bets, sexual jokes, mentions of making-out in a public place, shotaro getting teased by his friends wayyyy tooo muchhh

PLAYLIST : Like I Can (Sam Smith, My Universe (Coldplay and BTS), If I Can’t Have You (Shawn Mendes), Feelings (Lauv), 2002 (Anne-Marie), Sucker (Jonas Brothers)

TAG LIST : @my-soft-sunshine, @nanamericano, @itsanotherme, @luvinjeno, @valentineyun0, @glbyoon2k, @cheezbot, @furryllamas, @kingjeno423, @forhaever, @kristyxoxo, @ishokenmei, @nikisimpsharon, @chitaphrrrr

AUTHOR’S NOTES : I’m in love with Shotaro and no one could change that.

A CHICKEN—

—THAT’S WHAT OSAKI SHOTARO IS.

All his friends know how much of a sucker he is for you and it isn’t even a secret anymore. The poor Japanese boy gets teased everywhere—in the classroom, library, in the hallways, or even the men’s room! So long story short, yes, he like really really has a huge stupid crush on you.

“Is there any way how we could help our man-baby here grow some balls?” Haechan asks and ruffles the younger’s hair. The rest of their group of friends chuckled as they knew what he means but it only made Shotaro pout a little, “What? Hey! I have balls!”.

“Oh yeah? Then where is it?” Sungchan taunted with a silly teasing smile resting on his handsome face. “I-I’m just waiting for the right timing, okay? And, Y/n is having a really bad week so it can’t be now.” He stammered, avoiding to look at any of them. “See? That’s where your wrong! Girls need men like us more when they feel all blue and vulnerable. They want us to pamper and treat them like a princess, then poof! They’ll fall for us in no time.” Jaemin grinned with his hands buried in his pockets.

“Listen to Jaemin, Taro. He’s a man’s lady.” Jeno piped up from behind them causing Jaemin to smile out cockily and playfully tackle his best friend to the ground. Shotaro let out a soared expression and swats Sungchan’s arm away from his shoulder, “What? No. Y/n isn’t that type of girl, she’s really different and I know that she wants to be left alone for now.”

“And how do you know that, loverboy?” Haechan raised a brow.

“Tch, I bet he stalks her like a creep.” Sungchan scoffs, the teasing smile still visible.

Shotaro glares at them and shook his head, “I don’t stalk her, in fact I really respect her space.” His four friends rolled their eyes at him and all sighed in disappointment. “If you continue to act like this, she’ll think your not interested and she’ll be laying in another man’s arms in to time.” Jeno tutted.

“No—”

“jeno! don’t say that! she totally knows our taro is interested, everyone does.” jaemin cuts shotaro off.

“But—”

“Of course she does. Poor Y/n though, probably waiting in her castle for prince Shotaro.” Haechan cuts him off too in a fake girly tone while blinking his eyes multiple times and having his hands clamped together for more special effects. The rest of the boys nudged Shotaro and laughed in union as if they were watching a comedy show.

“Gee, how supportive are you guys?” Shotaro asks in a sarcastic manner. “You’re so lucky we’re your friends, Taro.” Jeno giggled. “Listen, she doesn’t like me okay? I’m sure she just thinks of me as the creepy boy who stares at her in history.” The poor boy had enough. “You idiot, you just admitted that you are stalking her and that your a creep!” Sungchan bursts out more loudly in laughing.

Osaki Shotaro is no man of decision— and everyone knows of that. An example is how he once (thousands of time) had a love letter in hand, ready to give it to you personally when he would quickly change his mind in the last second, or how he couldn’t choose the correct answer in the multiple choice in a test. but he is sure of one thing right now— he needs new friends.

FAILING AN EXAM IS A SHITTY FEELING, especially if your the top one student. In that case, your really having a bad week. All your friends tried to cheer you up by buying you ice cream, or going shopping— but nothing seems to work. You couldn’t just help but be disappointed at yourself.

“Y/n are you sure you don’t want to go to the party? I’m really worried.” Lia pouts and rests her head on the wall beside your locker, watching you take your stuff out. “Yes i’m fine. It isn’t the end of the world…I’ll get over this.” You sighed heavily and stopped your actions once you saw a folded paper. “What’s that?” Yuna peeked behind your shoulder with an amused look.

“Probably one of her admirers. You know our Y/n, all pretty and smart and sexy.” Ryujin wiggles her eyebrows to tease you. A small chuckle left your lips and you passed her a playful glare. You opened the small piece of paper.

hi y/n! i know your having a bad week, but i believe in you! i’m sure you could do it! don’t worry about failing the test, your a winner anyways. a winner of my heart that is ;) - o.s

“What does it say?” Yuna squealed in excitement. “Awww, that’s so sweet! This man has to be the most sweetest ever to exist.” Lia gushed and gasped at the last part, “and flirty too”. Ryujin giggled, “o.s huh? Who has a name of that? It’s so anonymous.”

“Aren’t secret admirers so romantic and cute?” The three girls sighed all at the same time making you shake your head at them and place the note in your sweater’s pocket, “I should be the one who should act that way, not you guys.”

“Is that a smile I see?!”

“Jeez Y/n, a letter from o.s is all it takes to make you smile?!”

“Ayyyyyy!!! My gurl is in love!!!”

“Shut up.” You hissed at them and let out an embarrassed sound, dragging them to English class.

SHOTARO NERVOUSLY CHEWED ON HIS PENCIL WHILE STARING AT YOUR BACK FIGURE IN FRONT OF HIM. He couldn’t stop his right leg from shaking or his heart that’s beating in such a fast pace. “Dude, borrow a pencil.” Jaemin whispered beside him, his eyes still not leaving the English words written in the board. “For what?” He whispered back. “The new student is too cute, I think her name is Kate? I’m going to sketch her and give it to her later at lunch. maybe also ask her out for coffee sometimes.” The older man answers.

The Japanese man glanced down on his chewed pencil and innocently passed it to his seatmate. “What the hell? Did you just place that in your mouth and now your giving it to me?” Jaemin let out a disgusted expression and shivered, moving away slightly from him. “Well your the one who asked for a pencil!” Shotaro whisper-shouted. “Never mind, I’ll just flirt with her and ask for her number. Maybe take notes too so you could use all my techniques for Y/n.”

“I don’t need your help!” Shotaro exclaimed, his cheeks and ears turning red at the sound of your name. His heart beating faster that even he didn’t know it was possible. Jaemin scoffed seeing his reaction and shook his head, “Let’s bet then shall we? If I date Kate even before you could date Y/n, then you win and proved that you do have ‘balls’.”

“I told you, I really have balls.”

“Deal then. May the man with bigger balls win.”

“Mr. Na and Mr. Osaki. I do not appreciate you two talking about who has bigger balls while I discuss nouns and pronouns.” Their teacher appeared in front of them, glaring with vigor at her two students. The whole class giggles to themselves while looking to their side. Shotaro felt shame as he felt like melting more in that exact moment, especially when you turned to face him too with those beautiful eyes of yours.

“YOU TWO DID SOMETHING STUPID, I COULD FEEL IT.” Jeno says as he eyes on the two men in front of him while munching on his sandwich. “Don’t act like you didn’t too. Let’s all be honest here, we all got detention later.” Haechan chuckles under his breath. “I got caught cheating on the exam.” Sungchan sighed heavily, frowning.

“I was late for math,” Jeno shrugged, “made-out with Jihyun in the hallway that I forgot about classes.” Haechan let out high pitched moans, hollowing his cheeks and giving his friend a mischievous look, “Looks like someone got railed today!”.

“How about you Taro? What did you do?” Sungchan nodded at him.

Shotaro glared at Jaemin for a second before sipping on his coffee and placing the bottle on the table, “The teacher caught me and Jaem talking in class.” Jeno sheepishly smiled and hit his best friend’s side, “Your mouth is too huge! Look, you even got our innocent taro in detention.”

“Nahhh, I just helped him. I made a bet about who will ask out a girl first, and whoever did has the biggest balls.” Jaemin smugly said with a hugs smirk resting on his lips, his eyes still never leaving the new student who’s currently sitting alone by the corner. “I have my money on taro.” Sungchan betted, feeling amused.

“No way! It’s Jaemin who’s gonna win. No one ever dared to reject him.” Jeno fought back. Haechan lifted both his hands and shook his head, “Guys, you’ve got it all wrong. Shotaro is never going to confess and the new student is going to reject Jaemin.”

“I’ll confess!”

“Hey, I know she’s into me!”

“We’ll be the judge of that.” Sungchan smirked and wrapped one arm each around Jeno and Haechan’s shoulder.

“HI, YOU MUST BE THE NEW STUDENT.” You smiled warmly at the foreign girl, sitting in front of her. Kate continued to stay silent but you could see as she looked uncomfortable with another presence near her. “Oh no need to be scared or shy! I don’t bite!” Chuckling, you offered your hand for her to shake. She looked a little hesitant but obliged anyways, a small weak smile finally escaping her lips when you both pulled away from each other.

“I’m Kang Y/n, and you are…?”

“Kate. Lee Kate.” She answered in a small voice. “Welcome to our school! how do you like it so far?” you asked. “It’s…fine.” Kate deadpanned. She then took a deep breath and gestured for you to come closer, “But…a bunny looking man keeps staring at me.” You creased your brow in confusion and looked around, catching the school’s infamous playboy, Na Jaemin, staring at her. Your mouth turned into an ‘o’ as you shrugged at the same time, “You mean Na Jaemin? Yeah, don’t mind him— he stares at all woman.”

“He and his group seems scary,” poor Kate mumbled silently and avoided the temptation to glare back at the playboy to not give him a go-signal and bother her more. “Yeah I totally agree. There’s Jung Sungchan who never seems to pass exams, then Lee Haechan who makes everything a joke—including girl’s feelings—and Lee Jeno, who’s dating the bitch of the school. Osaki Shotaro isn’t…he isn’t a jerk though. In fact, he’s really cute and shy.”

“You like him.” Your new found friend accused.

“What? N-No!” You denied, cheeks all red, “well, there are rumors that he likes me but I’m sure he doesn’t! He’s too good for someone like me.” Not even convinced one bit, Kate nodded her head, “Yeahhhh sureeeee.”

—

Shotaro bit on his lip while he scribbled on the small paper he ripped from his notebook, smiling once he’s satisfied and walked towards the direction of your locker. He looked around to check if anyone was looking then sneakily slid it in your locker. The smile that escapes your lips whenever he sees you reading his notes is enough for his heart to swell in happiness.

“One day, I’ll confess my love,” he mumbled to himself while walking back home, “at least before Jaemin gets a girlfriend.”

—

“Yo, what’s the plan?” Sungchan barged in his room. “What plan?” Shotaro asked in confusion. “Umm, how to confess to Y/n and win the bet plan? I betted like, a hundred dollars for you so we better win.” His friend answered and made himself comfortable in his bed.

Shotaro let out a shaky breath and fiddled with his fingers, gulping and looking down, “Look, Sungchan…I don’t want to disappoint you but don’t expect that much. Y/n’s too out of my league, she’s like an angel! And I’m well…yeah.”

“Oh no. No, no, no. You don’t get to say that!,” Sungchan sat up and pointed his index finger at him, “I’m here to help you and I ain’t paying Lee Haechan a hundred dollars— nope. Never.” Shotaro frowned, “then you should’ve been in Jaemin’s side!”.

“You kidding? The new student doesn’t even look back at his way. I’m sure he’s having a much more hard time then you do.”

“How could you even say that? He’s the Na Jaemin and I’m just Osaki Shotaro.” The Japanese boy asked. “Y/n likes you back Taro. It’s so obvious but the two of you are just so blind! It’s really annoying.” Sungchan flickered his forehead then exits his room as if he never went in randomly without knocking in the first place. Shotaro was left alone to think deeply.

If what sungchan said is true…then you really are waiting for him “in the castle”—like what Haechan says—. That’s it, he’s really going to confess. Nothing is going to stop him now. And if you reject him…

Well…

…

What if you reject him?

Shotaro shook the thoughts in his head off and then proceeded to plan on how to confess, his biology homework forgotten on his desk.

“WHAT’S WITH THE FLOWERS?” Jeno asked with creased brows. All his friends stared at him making Shotaro smile and place the flowers gently on the table, “It’s the second step of my plan. I also got chocolates and made exactly 50 letters because that’s Y/n’s favorite number.” Haechan nodded with a proud look, “What was the first step?”.

“Be a man. I talked to myself in the mirror and gathered all my confidence.”

“Works all the time, doesn’t it?” Sungchan cockily smirked and wiggled his eye brows at Jaemin, “and what’s your progress?”. Jaemin had a huge pout on his lips with his arms crossed across his chest— obviously sulking, “I talked to Kate, but she declined my offer in walking her home. Like, who does she think she is?!”.

Haechan sighed, “come on man! A hundred dollars is at stake, I believed on you!”. Jaemin ignored the tanned man and was the first one to enter the school’s ground. “Ignore him. Besides the fact that I might loose $100, I’m really proud you overcame your fear.” Jeno congratulated Shotaro.

Shotaro gulped and forced out a smile.

They didn’t even know the rest of the plan yet..

—

This is it.

Shotaro got Sungchan and Jeno to carry the huge banner, and Haechan ready to sing a love song. Jaemin (even if he’s still couldn’t believe he’s loosing) also offered to help by playing the piano. Everything is ready and perfect that even students starts to crowd around them, excited about what was about to happen. All that is needed is for you to appear too.

“Is she coming yet? My arms hurt.” Sungchan complained and sighed. “Patience, it’s for our Taro anyways.” Jaemin hushes him. “Easy for you to say, you’re just sitting down.” The taller man glared at him.

“Y/n! You gotta come to the gym court, right now!” Yuna grabbed both your shoulders and shook you. With widened eyes, you stuttered, “W-What? W-Why?”.

“Just go” Ryujin walked from behind her with Lia clinging on her side. “You guys aren’t going to murder me right?”, you joked, letting yourself be dragged to the gym. “If we would, we would probably do it in the dark not in the school grounds.” Kate chuckles and wraps one arm around your shoulder while walking.

“They’re here! They’re here!” Jeno cried out.

Everyone got to their places and Shotaro’s grip on the flowers and the gifts turned tighter. His knees felt weak and sweat started to form on his forehead. He could hear the piano playing, the singing voice of Haechan, the crowd whispering to themselves— it was all too much.

Shotaro doesn’t like being in the spotlight even if he’s friends with the most famous boys in school, and that is the reason why he avoided parties and stayed silent in the corner. He hates being the center and now he is. The moment your eyes met his, he knew it was his end.

“I c-can’t do this,” he whispered then passed the flowers to Jaemin before pulling his hoodie up to cover his face and escape the crowd. “What the...?” Haechan stopped singing too and exchanged looks with the rest of the boys. “Well that wasn’t expected.” Ryujin laughed nervously. You glanced at the banner then at the romantic decorations around the gym that Shotaro seemed to prepare and clenched your fist, “I-I’ll be right back”.

“Wait Y/n! Where are you going?!”

You ignored Lia’s calls and followed after Shotaro.

“That’s a shame, I really liked how romantic everything was planned.” Kate frowned then shrugged, planning to walk away when someone grabbed her arm and turned her around. She raised a brow and faced the man who stopped her. “Then let’s not put everything to waste.” Jaemin passed her a small smirk and nudged the flowers that were thrown on him on her side.

Kate sighed and clicked her tongue, passing him a rude look, “If I kick you on your dick would you shut up and leave me alone?”, before walking out of the gym.

Jeno howled, “Jaemin has the smallest balls!”, making Jaemin glare at him, “shut up!”.

YOU FOUND HIM SIT BY THE EMPTY CLASSROOM, looking all peaceful and sad. With a shaky breath, you entered. Shotaro’s eyes lit up at the sight of you and stood up almost immediately, “H-Hey”.

“HI.” You smiled and chuckled, “What was that out there?”.

“A mistake,” Shotaro smiled bitterly and made you sit down before standing up beside you, “I’m sorry. Me and my friends made a bet and your included.” You were silent for the next few seconds and that’s the moment where he knew, he knew you really don’t like him—

“Sooo, your feelings for me were fake?”

“No! Not at all! I liked you ever since first year of high school.” Shotaro’s eyes widened as he shook his head, his whole body tensing up. You laughed slightly, “Relax, I was kidding! I…already kind of know that your o.s who’s giving me sweet letters that always makes my day.”

“O-Oh?”

“I prefer small confession letters stuck up in my locker then a public confession. You see, I-I really hate it when everyone’s eyes are on me so thank you for not continuing on.” You shyly admitted and looked around on your feet. Both your cheeks turned red and Shotaro couldn’t help but smile like an idiot while ripping a part of a piece of paper and grabbing a pen from his pocket.

Want to get coffee sometimes? - o.s

“Yes please,” you giggled after reading his note and Shotaro took a seat beside you, a smile still resting on his face. After a few minutes of shared awkward laughs and lovesick gazes, you decided to take a step and slowly laid your head on his shoulder. For a second, his heart stopped beating and then picked up it’s pace again.

Shotaro also did a bold move and slowly intertwine both your fingers together, “I’ll pick you up on your class later?”. You hummed and looked up to meet his eyes and another laugh escaped both your lips.

Osaki Shotaro may be a chicken at times, but at least he has bigger balls. (Jaemin lost)

181 notes · View notes

lebrookestore · 3 years

Text

tape 5: play

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x reader

Themes: angst, ex! au, college-ish au, small town au. It goes back and forth a lot

Warnings: heavy angst, bittersweet ending, swearing, its very sad, chenle is a jerk

Wc: 6k

Playlist: 2 kids by Taemin, Gone by Rosé, Instagram by Dean, I still do by Why Don’t We, Believed by Lauv

Taglist: @danishmiilk @channoticedmeuwu @chicksung @1-800-seo @blueprint-han @jenosslut @cupidluvstarrz @kkakkdugi @sweetlyjaem @vera-liscious @leetaeyonglover @kunrengui @unknown5tar @kisshim @intokook @mrkcore @coco-riki

Summary: A year after your boyfriend moved away, you find yourself sitting in your room with five tapes, earphones, a cassette player and what you hoped, and feared, was closure.

Authors Note: hello! this fic was supposed to be a small blurb but then i got inspired and lo and behold its a full fledged fic! I can’t believe I wrote this in two days sdfjfjkfjk. Feedback would be very much appreciated for this, since I’ve never written anything like this before ;-;

Midtown, almost got a place out of midtown, Instead I took a plane out of this town, And missed out on us

It was a sunny Saturday morning, as you pulled into your driveway, coming back from the store.

Parking the car and getting the bags, you walked up to the door, knocking it and waiting. You were met with your mother’s smiling face as she took one of the bags of groceries from you.

You lived in a small sleepy town, and attended the college there as well, which meant you still stayed with your parents. You were fine with that, you liked living there, and you could forgo the stress and anxiety of having to re adjust to a new place.

This was your home. It always had been.

Of course, you had been on holidays to other places, you had visited the other town, but when it came to it, you had always found yourself back where you started. There was no other place for you, there never would be.

It was the truth, but it held something bitter.

Then again, you had enough going on already, with being in your freshman year, straight out of high school, college life was very different. You had been to a total of two parties so far, courtesy of your best friend— Lia— dragging you with her.

You had enjoyed them, but it wasn’t something you would voluntarily participate in again.

The workload was something that had definitely changed, bogged down with mandatory lectures and assignments, tests popping up like a bad smell, you had more than enough to occupy you.

“Something has arrived for you!” Your mother said, almost excitedly, “It’s on the table.”

You helped her put away the groceries, walking to your living room, eyes falling on the package sitting on the table. It was somewhat shabbily wrapped, with tape haphazardly stuck on it to keep it together, and a tag pasted on the top.

Picking it up, you pass it from your right hand to your left, feeling its weight, reading the little tag. It held your address, your name and another name you hadn’t seen in almost a year.

Your mind ran at a hundred miles per minute, wondering why it was here, why his name was on it. It made no sense to you.

“Darling? Are you okay?”

Your mothers voice snapped out of your reverie, nodding slowly, “I’ll be in my room, finishing off a project”, you said carefully, trying not to show any sort of emotion as you climbed up the stairs of your house, two at a time, making sure not to drop the package.

Closing the door, you place it on your bed, reading over the tag again, a bitter taste filling your mouth. A name you hadn’t thought of in a year coming back now. It was so random, so absolutely unnecessary.

You curled your fingers around the messy brown paper, tearing it open as your mind reeled. The crackling sound filled the silence as the contents of it make itself known to you.

A shoebox.

It’s dusty, a dark blue colour with a line of red running at its side. There were two holes on either end, lined with metal piping and you could just about make out the nike symbol on the top. You brushed your hand over it, the dust coming off easily and sticking to your fingers.

Why would he send you this?

His name sticks out on the tag like a sore thumb, reminding you of what you lost, mocking you. Always content with where you are, hmm? His voice comes back, as clear as day. It’s as if he’s standing there, giving you his chesire cat grin as he spoke the words.

Zhong Chenle.

Lifting the lid off the box, you’re thrown into confusion. A cassette player, a pair of earphones, and five tapes. Picking up the player, you smile briefly at the dramatic set up. He could’ve called you, or sent a message, so why did he take the pains of sending you something as old and unnecessary as this?

Then again, it had been a year since he stopped picking up your calls, since you stopped trying to call him. A year since all contact had been cut off, as if he had never existed in the first place.

Sometimes you wondered if Chenle had been a hallucination. An imaginary friend.

Friend.

The questions filter in. Why? It had been a year, so why had he sent you this now? You had finally told yourself you were over it, that you didn’t need an answer, but somehow as soon as you did that, you found yourself sitting in your room on your bed with what could be it.

The tapes were numbered in permanent marker in his messy handwriting, from one to five, indicating the order in which they were to be listened to in. You picked up the first, slotting it in the player and waiting.

You didn’t know what you were waiting for.

You pressed play. There was crackling, but only for a moment, until it went silent. Maybe this was all a mistake, maybe this wasn’t even happening. Maybe-

i] tape 1: you deserve to hate me

Hey

His voice cut through your spiraling thoughts as you froze in place. He sounded the same as you last heard him, a little muffled due to the recording but the same. At the same time he sounded like a stranger. There was silence for a moment again, before he spoke up.

This is stupid isn’t it?

You felt the urge to answer, but your mouth went dry. It had been so, so long, and even though you had adequate time to get over him, it suddenly felt as if you were treading unfamiliar territory once again.

I-I don’t know why I’m doing this. I think it’s because I feel so horrible, I need an outlet. I guess speaking it into existence and recording it makes is my outlet. Making it all real.

But that’s fucking terrifying.

You don’t think you’re following, confused once again.

Y/n

You hear him take a deep breath right after your name, and it sends a chill down your spine, hearing him say your name once again. You had almost forgotten how it sounded.

I don’t know if you’ll ever hear this, or listen to it. If you don’t I’ll actually be glad. You don’t deserve to, I’ve been a jerk to you. I’m sorry. I hope you hate me, I definitely deserve it.

I’m moving in two months.

The realization hits you, this had been recorded a year ago as well, two months before he left without a word or warning. It was old, he was here when he recorded it.

You didn’t quiet know how you felt, not yet anyways.

And you won’t know until I’m gone.

I’m moving to Korea, and I refuse to tell you, even if it makes me the bad guy, even if it feels worse, because that’s my dream.

I got signed by a record label after sending them that demo I did —remember it? We both went to the studio together, you listening outside as I sang. You were right by my side, all the time.

Except now when I record this, except when I leave.

I refuse to tell you, because the moment I do I know it’ll be real, realer than it is now as I say it. I don’t want to see the look on your face when I say I’m going, I know it’ll make me want to stay, but I don’t want to stay.

You knew exactly what he was talking about, you could recollect that day clearly. There was a small studio a little outside the town. That day, he had booked it for two hours to record a demo, his singing mentor with him and you tagging along.

It had always been like that, the two of you against the world, until, of course he left.

I physically can’t stay, I hate it here Y/n. It’s not for me, I want to get out, that had always been the plan. I want to get out and be free, I want to achieve my dreams. Maybe it’s selfish, maybe I don’t deserve a minute more of your time, but I want it all.

That’s why I’m not going to tell you —so I can have it all, at least until I don’t have you.

But you, you don’t deserve this, do you? Of course you don’t, but I suppose you’re the one with the shitty luck, you’re the one who ended up with me and now I’m going to hurt you.

He laughs a dry, breathy laugh. It was half hearted, as if he was trying to get himself to believe the situation was funny.

It’s not your fault I-fuck I’m sorry.

You heard a click and the tape died off, he had stopped recording there. The first tape was finished, and honestly, you didn’t know how to react. One part of you wanted to feel nothing, you wanted to put the player and the five tapes back into the box and send them away, or lock them in your closet to never find them again.

But the other part of you wanted to know more. You wanted to know how he felt, what went through his mind during that time. You wanted to know just how you lost Chenle, the first boy you ever loved.

Suddenly you felt overwhelmed, vulnerable almost. It was as if someone had opened up an old wound and left it open.

You got to your feet abruptly, pulling the earphones from your ears and dropping them on your bed, taking a step away and blinking rapidly. You couldn’t get caught up in the past, you couldn’t put yourself through that again.

But it was hard when the past was in your present.

Wasted, and all of my regret, I can taste it, If I had a time-machine, I would take it, And make it back to us

That night you couldn’t sleep.

The box sat on your desk, right next to your laptop, staring at you. You turned around on your bed, looking the other way, only to be met with the white of the walls.

You never liked the colour white.

It was too plain, too open for interpretation. It never had a solid answer. You liked stability, you wanted something permanent. You were the type of person that needed that reassurance.

Perhaps that’s why you were happy where you were, you didn’t find the appeal in starting over, because that meant nothing was certain. You stayed where you were because everything was already laid out for you.

It was like a colouring book in your little town, the lines all set out, everything drawn for you. Change meant you had to sketch everything from scratch. What if you messed up?

Needless to say, it was a good thing you weren’t an art major.

“This is ridiculous”, you whispered to yourself, sighing at the fact that you were now talking to yourself. You rolled over so that you were lying on your back, staring at the ceiling. The glow in the dark stars shone with their dull green light. You remember the day you had put them up, with Chenle.

You shared a lot of memories with him.

“Fucking hell”, you hissed, sitting up, swinging your legs off the edge of your bed and walking to your desk, sitting on the chair. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you picked up the second tape, inserting it in the player and putting the earphones on, waiting for it to begin.

ii] tape 2: milk before cereal

I know I’m making some terrible decisions, I really do, but if there’s one thing I stand by, its the fact that milk definitely goes before the cereal.

Why am I talking about this?

Well, because today you came over, Y/n, you came over and the two of us were watching a movie, and in the middle of it, you decided you wanted to have cereal, specifically frosted flakes.

So what do we do? We have cereal because I can’t say no to you. You’re welcome by the way, honestly, I deserve the boyfriend of the year award.

A moment of silence.

No I don’t. I really don’t.

You bit your lower lip, shutting your eyes. It was the way he switched, the way his demeanor changes so suddenly that made you want to scream. Sometimes it felt like he was telling a story, one you knew and loved.

Only for the next moment to bring you down to reality, reminding you that all stories don't have happy endings.

Anyways, we got the cereal and you objected when I put the milk first, saying that it was wrong, but how? In what way? Here me out Y/n, I shall tell you why I’m right, even If I’m not actually talking to you.

You couldn’t help but scoff at this, shaking your head at Chenle. He had always had a flair for being dramatic in the littlest ways possible. It was endearing.

Putting the cereal first means it sits in the milk for longer! If you put the cereal last, you can have it crunchy! Isn’t that ten times better? Unless you’re one of the devils spawn and like soggy cereal. If so I’m hypothetically breaking up with you right here right now.

Ah...bad wording. I keep forgetting I have to break up with you. I don’t want to, is that selfish?

You deserve the truth, if only I was strong enough to give it to you. Staying silent is so much easier.

It’s not lying, not completely anyways. I’m not lying if I don’t tell you at all. I suppose it’s a half truth then, with the truth hidden in plain sight.

*click*

Lying. That’s what he did, even though he spent the last few minutes of the tape trying to justify it, he lied. He trampled all over your heart without a single warning.

You had trusted Chenle, having known him since you were thirteen. He had completely destroyed that trust. Something like that couldn’t be fixed so easily, not even if he had sent you these tapes.

Then again, you didn’t know why he sent them.

You retreated to your bed, turning away from the tapes, the words and memories they held, facing white once again.

You had met Chenle when the two of you were thirteen, in eight grade math. The boy was failing the class, and one day you found him sitting early morning in class, with his head in his hands as he groaned over some sort of equation.

You had offered to help, and the smile he gave was the brightest one you had ever seen, he was practically grinning from ear to ear. That was the beginning of your friendship, and the two of you were inseperable.

Ninth grade it was confirmed that the two of you were best friends, sitting together, complaining about teachers together, going places together so your parents didn’t need to tag along.

In your last year of high school the two of you started dating, and when you had told your parents, they were ecstatic, confessing they had always thought the two of you would end up together.

He was always there for you, every time you needed him. You could give him a call and he would be outside your door. If you were feeling insecure or scared, he was always there to hype you up.

You had been best friends before, you were lovers then, and it was amazing. You loved everything about being with Chenle. You loved everything about him, from his toothy grin to his obnoxiously loud laugh.

You loved the way his eyes sparkled when he had an idea (which, for the most part, were absolutely terrible. Needless to say the two of you got in trouble a lot), when he sang for you when you stayed over, the way he would always make sure you were never cold.

You loved him.

It was written in the stars, you were meant to be, it was the perfect combination. Chenle was the right person for you- the perfect person.

A year later you woke up with him gone, no texts, no warnings. He had just gone, leaving you alone.

Right person, wrong time.

Monday came around sooner than you thought it would, the weekend passing in a blur as you walked out of your first class, spotting Lia leaning against the wall outside your class, scrolling through something on her phone.

She was an exchange student, not originally from your town, but had fit right in. Sometimes you wished you could be like that.

“Oh! You’re out! Listen, there’s a party on Friday and you’re coming with me”, she stated. It wasn’t a request, it was a fact, you were to go with her. In her own words, ‘if I didn’t exist you’d probably have no social life.’

To be fair, she wasn’t wrong.

You nodded defeatedly, walking with her down the hallway, “I assume you want to go because of the cute new guy?”

She glared, but didn’t refute your accusation, “His name is Mark”, she said, “And that is none of your business.”

You snickered, “Oh it so is, you like him don’t you? Is this going to be another one of your crushes?”

Lia was notorious for having a new crush almost every week, being a very flighty person, her mind changed before you could even say her name. This was a bit of a problem, considering you went to her for advice a lot.

Her indecisive nature was not the best for that.

She rolled her eyes at this, “He’s cute, why not? Wonder if I can get him to dance with me at the party. You’re going to be my hype woman-”

“And the sober buddy?”

Lia ignored that.

“Also there’s this new singer”, she said, handing you one of her earbuds, “apparently he came from here!”

Taking one of the earbuds, you were hit with a familiar voice. It sounded amazing honestly, catchy, everything a song needed, but it was the voice that hit you. You didn’t even need to ask Lia for the singer, swallowing the lump in your throat and glancing at her phone, which confirmed your suspicions.

Filling with some sort of dread, your hands immediately went to hold your hand, specifically the bottom where the cassette player and the tapes were. You had been carrying them around with you, as if scared they would disappear if you left them alone.

“Isn’t he good?”

You nodded, not daring to answer as you bit your lower lip, “Hey Lili, I need to use the washroom so see ya later”, you said, handing her the earbud and taking off in the other direction, pushing open the doors to the washroom and getting into one of the stalls.

You had stalled listening to the next tape all Sunday, you didn’t even know why, but hearing him sing, that fact that he had actually made it, it struck something in you. You wanted to feel proud of him, but all you felt was bitter.

Was it a coincidence that this new singer had come out- Chenle himself- right when you received the tapes?

Pushing the top of the toilet down, you took a seat, taking the player out and plugging in, you pressed play for the third tape, waiting for it to begin playing.

tape iii] ill miss our dates

Remember when we went for that field trip? Ninth grade? We sat in the back of the bus together avoiding the stares of our teachers when they told us to sit down?

Then they pulled us apart? Yeah, mean fuckers.

Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about, I just felt like reminiscing for a sec there, but today we went of a date! Well, I mean we got ice cream and then went to the park, but hey, it was fun.

You smiled. He had always jumped from one topic to another without any meaning to either. Sometimes it was a frustrating habit, (you had been on the receiving end of these useless conversations several times, which ended with you glaring at him exasperatedly), but for the most part, extremely comical.

I’m going to miss that. I’m going to miss you. Your little smile — have I ever told you just how pretty your smile is? Your eyes light up and crinkle at the sides and its something I don’t think I’ll ever forget, even when I’m gone.

You clutched the cassette player, marveling at the irony. He was talking about your smile, but why did you want to cry?

It’s a month left now, and I want to make the most of it. Tomorrow I’m taking you to the amusement part and then next week I’m surprising you with dinner. I guess doing things for you —for us — makes me feel better, like I’m compensating.

You deserve the world Y/n, and I want to see that world while you’re happy where you are.

You don’t deserve having to deal with me.

*click*

Your eyes burned, because you remembered each of those events. You had been so happy, so overjoyed at them. They burned with tears because there it was again, that reminder that you were destined to be stuck right where you were, because you were that idiot who was content.

But if someone, anyone, asked you at that very moment if you were happy, the answer would’ve been an outright no.

1 YEAR AGO

“Hey Chenle?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you want to leave?”

The boy thought about this for a second, before smiling wistfully, “Don’t you want to know how it is outside home?”

“But everything I need is here.”

Your eyes held a question, you were genuinely baffled by his reasoning, the way he was so stuck of getting out. You studied your bewildered expression, shaking his head. “You’re lucky”, he said finally, “You know exactly what you want.”

“Of course I don’t, but I know what I need Chenle, and that’s all around me.”

He shook away his other thoughts, “Hey maybe we’ll go exploring the world together some day.

You blinked, “You want me there with you?”

He nodded, grinning widely, “I want to take you along, Imagine, it’ll be fucking awesome, and hey this time there will be no teachers to separate us. We can even stand in the bus-if we’re taking a bus, that it.”

You laughed, “Maybe”, you mused, looking back down at your phone, “While I don’t exactly see the appeal, it would be fun to be with you.”

Chenle’s smile faltered, but he didn’t let it fall completely, wrapping his arms around you and sighing, closing his eyes and whispering something just loud enough for you to hear.

“Maybe.”

Why did it feel this way?

Chenle was right- you didn’t deserve this, you didn’t deserve to feel this way at all. It had been a year, so why did it affect you?

Why was it all happening at once?

You clicked your tongue, eyeing the player with contempt. You felt pathetic for being curious, for still feeling so attached to old news. It wasn’t as if it was going to change anything, so why?

Why did you still want to know?

Curiosity killed the cat. You wondered if knowing would somehow kill you.

No one was at home currently, so you sat in the living room on your couch. The items you were trying so hard to ignore were sitting on the small table in front of the couch, as if waiting for you to pick them up once again.

You wondered if you should tell Lia and ask her opinion about the situation. She may not be that helpful, but hell, she could help you burn the tapes if worse came to worse.

Sometimes you wished you had never met Chenle, that your history with him could be erased from your memories. You wished it never existed because fuck, it still hurt.

Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself and pressed play.

tape iv] firsts with you

Do you remember our first kiss?

We were eighteen, in my room, playing Jenga. That was a year ago, oh god, I can’t even imagine, how has it been a year? You were wearing one of my shirts and jeans, your hair was in a ponytail. The two of us were sitting on the carpet on my floor.

You had successfully gotten one of the wooden pieces out of a risky area of the tower, but then it was my turn, it feel to the ground, destroyed.

I blamed you, and you laughed, and our banter continued. We argued and at one point I started tickling you to get you to shut up, because honestly-Jesus Christ Y/n you’re fucking stubborn.

Anyways I ended up on top of you and the two of us were laughing. You looked so pretty, hair messily scattered around your face as you attempted to get out of my hold.

I leaned down and kissed you.

Your throat closed up as he spoke. Your eyes stung and you raked your hand through your hair, biting down on your lower lip. The way he was speaking about it, as if he would do anything to go back, it struck something in you.

Because if you had the chance, you would go back as well.

You tasted like that strawberry chapstick you liked to wear. I could tell you were surprised, because you didn’t kiss me back for a good two seconds —which, by the way sent me into a panic for a moment there.

But then you kissed me, and fuck, it was like everything had stopped. I couldn’t think for a second, it was like the world had started spinning around me, and the only thing that was keeping me grounded, was you.

Was it supposed to hurt like this?

You sucked in a sharp breath, fingers fisted the material of your shirt as you tried keeping your composure. You didn’t want to cry, but he was making it so, so hard for you.

You remembered how it felt when he kissed you, you were legitimately so confused, was he really kissing you? Your best friend, the boy you had loved quietly for so long, kissing you?

Chenle was your first kiss, and it was the most perfect first kiss you could have ever asked for, even if you were on the floor, with random Jenga blocks scattered around the two of you.

The smile you gave me after I pulled away, I wish I could remember it forever. It was goofy as you burst into giggles, and asked me, “What was that for?”

I blinked in surprise, wondering how you seemed so normal, when for me everything had changed. I had kissed my best friend, the one girl I care the most about.

I must have looked like a tomato oh god.

Instead of waiting for my to answer, you sat up, pulling me into another kiss. This time it was me who was unprepared. The kiss was messy, it had no structure or plan, but I realized in that moment, that I really liked kissing you, and I wanted to do it more often.

You became my girlfriend.

The wistful tone he was using was starting to affect you. You had loved Chenle, almost too much. You could almost feel that nostalgic happiness you felt that day when he kissed you for the first time, the disbelief and joy that wrapped around the two of you.

A wave of sadness followed that nostalgia.

Our first date was so fucking awkward. We were at that little cafe you loved, you ordered a cheesecake and I got a smoothie, and then we sat in silence for a good five minutes.

It really shouldn’t have been that painful, considering we knew everything about each other already, then again that might be why it was awkward, I had nothing to ask you about.

So naturally I brought up school and that started it, the two of us complaining about the amount of assignments we had, and Mrs. Choi’s annoying squeaky voice- I swear to god that woman took a second for each word.

But I digress.

Slowly our conversation felt normal again, it was just us, eating cheesecake and drinking smoothies, together.

That wave of sadness crashed down upon you like a tsunami, trying to snuff you out. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, you were struggling to keep yourself together. You were struggling to stay afloat, you had lost any leverage you had that was holding you up.

You couldn’t fight the waves.

My flight is in two hours. It’s four in the morning and we’re about to walk through the door and get to the airport, but I wanted to talk to you once again, even if we’re not really talking.

I’m pathetic.

You’re sleeping, in your bed at your home, you don’t know I’m going because I’m the coward that refused to tell you the truth. I’ll be gone by the time you wake up and then you’ll know.

You’ll know how much of a waste of time I was.

And then you were angry.

You were angry because he had no right to just come back into your life like this, no fucking right to make you cry. He wasn’t even here, but somehow he had managed to make you fall apart just with his words, with his voice.

He had no right to tear your world apart, the little composure you had standing. You had finally accepted the fact that he was gone, you had moved on, and even tried to forget.

But here he was, making sure you could never forget.

You hated how selfish he was, how absolutely fucking oblivious. He had no clue, not even one as to how you felt when he just disappeared from your life, as if he never existed. He had broken you and here he was, breaking you again.

With trembling hands, you stopped the tape from playing any further, angry tears making their way down your face as you flung the player across the room. You had no intention of listening any further, you didn’t want to, you didn’t care.

Closure hurt more than him leaving.

You buried your head in your hands, letting yourself fall apart, but just this once.

tape iv] continued [unheard]

I’m sorry Y/n. I’m so fucking sorry.

You don’t have to believe me, because I’m leaving anyways, so I suppose that cancels out my apologies huh? I’m the worst person you ever met. I’m not stopping, I’m not going to leave you a text.

Because I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

I’ll be gone before we could ever be.

Should’ve believed in us, while we existed, cuz now the whole things fucked, and just a figment of my imagination

Time heals all hurt, and reminders bring them back, cutting through your skin like a knife, making you bleed.

A week later, you found yourself sitting in your favorite cafe, the same cafe Chenle talked about in the last tape. You ordered a cheesecake and a smoothie, inserting the fifth and final tape into the player.

The last time you did this, you were left hurt and distraught, promising yourself you would never go back to listen to him again. You had put the shoebox in your closet, hiding it behind your clothes that hung from the rack.

Yet here you were.

You didn’t bother finishing the fourth tape, you didn’t see the need to.

This tape, you observed, was newer looking, with less scratches on the plastic, even the marker on the side looked more recent, a little rushed if you went into detail.

The cheesecake and drink arrived, and you took a bite, pressing play.

tape v] play

Hey.

He sounded a little different too, older perhaps. His voice was smoother, but he sounded unsure of himself. It sounded as if he was trying to figure out how to approach the topic. He was being cautious.

It’s been a while. I...I don’t know why I’m doing this. There’s no point- you’re not even here. I found these stupid tapes yesterday in my dorm when I was cleaning out and gave them a listen.

Silence.

I envy you, Y/n. I wish I was like you, happy wherever I was. But I’m not, and I probably caused you great unhappiness while trying to search for my own- but I was happy with you, so happy it was ridiculous.

I sabotaged that.

You sighed, realizing you felt nothing. You were tired of crying over Chenle, you were done doing that. Instead you felt empty, like you had been tired out, like it didn’t matter anymore. At this point you were to get it over with, to finish it off on clean ending note.

My song comes out next week, and it’ll be done. I’ve made it Y/n, I’ve gotten to where I wanted to be, the place I had worked so hard to get to. I’ve sacrificed so much for this and it’s all been worth it- except one thing.

I don’t expect you to listen to my song, I just wanted to tell you. I..I hope you’re proud of me. Even if I was a jerk, I hope you can be proud, at least a little bit, because then I’ll have finally made it.

I miss you.

The same words are at the tip of your tongue, I miss you, I miss you so fucking much, but they never came out. They didn’t have to, it would be useless. He would never hear them.

Instead, you swallowed them back down.

And even though I made fun of you for staying home, I hope you’re happy like I am, I hope we’ll meet again one day. If we do I challenge you to a game of Jenga, loser buys the winner ice cream.

I-fuck this is the hardest part- but I hope you’ve moved on. One of us has to.

*click*

You don’t take the tape out of the player, you don’t touch it at all. You feel oddly calm as you take another bite of your cheesecake, savoring the strawberry reserve that it came with it. You could almost imagine yourself at eighteen again sitting opposite your new boyfriend.

You missed it, the memories that came along with it. That was it, you missed the feelings you had.

But you were okay. You would be okay right where you were, because that’s where you belonged. It hurt, yeah, but it had hurt back then as well. Now it was just a dull ache, all that was left was regret.

Regret that it didn’t work out, regret over unspoken words and unnecessary pain.

A familiar song filled the cafe as you smiled somewhat sadly, leaning back in your seat and closing your eyes.

“I’m proud of you Chenle”, you whispered, “Because you did what I couldn’t”

You left the cafe a little later, with the cassettes in your bag, an empty plate and the smoothie sitting on the table, untouched. After all, that smoothie wasn’t for you.

There was nothing to wait for anymore. You had loved and you had lost, Chenle was a stranger with your secrets and a familiar voice and that was it.

You had forgiven him a long time ago, even without him being deserving of it. Now with all the loose ends being tied up, it felt like you could finally let go of him, you could finally move on.

And forget.

368 notes · View notes

wikiangela-fanfics · 2 years

Text

There’s no way that it’s not going there (with the way that we’re looking at each other)

Ao3 here

6k words

This is the first time I've written a 5+1 fic so I hope it works somehow lol

And huuuuge thanks to @realclowneryfc (hockeyandfootballismyish on ao3) for beta-reading, seriously, I'm so grateful hah ��️

(Also, I suck at titles, so for now it's a quote from lauv's song, maybe I'll change it if I come up with something better lol)

Enjoy ❤️

***

In hindsight, it should’ve been really obvious. Well, as it turned out, it was. Just not to them - the two people who actually should’ve realized it.

It probably wasn’t the first time it happened, far from it, really. People had assumed stuff before, but Eddie never really gave it a second thought. This time though, it really stood out, and got him thinking.

It was shortly after his breakup with Ana when he ran into her at the zoo, next to the ice-cream stand. It was awkward, but because they were both polite, they exchanged some pleasantries, and had a short conversation. Your typical “Hi, how have you been?” said with forced smiles, and planning to escape as quickly as possible.

And just as he was about to make an excuse and walk away, he saw Buck and Christopher walk in their direction from behind Ana. Right, he should’ve been back with their ice-cream a while ago, they were probably tired of waiting.

“Oh.” Ana said, looking in the same direction as him, then back at Eddie. “So you and Buck, huh? Finally.” her smile was more or less genuine this time.

“What?” Eddie frowned in confusion, looking back at her.

“Please, your face just lit up when you saw them. Like it always does.” she sighed. “He’s a lucky guy.”

“What are you talking about?” he was honestly shocked at the insinuation. And ‘his face lit up’? He might have smiled subconsciously, but so what? That was his son and his best friend, what’s wrong with smiling at seeing them? Why look into it for something that wasn’t there?

“That lovestruck expression.” Ana said, then chuckled. “Or are you still in denial?”

“What?” he repeated, eyes back on his guys (God, when did he start calling them that?). They were talking, and Buck was gesticulating wildly, while Chris was laughing so hard he had to stop every couple of steps. It was adorable.

“Nothing.” Ana shook her head, then briefly touched his arm. “It was good to see you, Eddie. Good luck.” and she walked away, with one last smile.

Eddie stood there for a few more seconds, baffled because what the fuck was that conversation. He never expected that, especially not from her.

Buck and Chris’ laughter as they got closer snapped Eddie out of his daze, and he began to make his way towards them.

“Dad!” Chris exclaimed.

“You were supposed to wait by the monkeys.” Eddie said.

“You were taking too long.” Chris complained.

“Yeah, we wanted to make sure you didn’t get lost.” Buck added with that radiant smile. “Where’s the ice-cream?” he asked, looking at Eddie’s empty hands.

“Oh.” Right. Ice-cream. That’s why he was there, alone. “I got distracted.” he admitted with a nervous smile.

“And you say I have a short attention span.” Buck scoffed, all of them walking back in the direction Eddie came from, towards the ice-cream stand.

“I, uh, I ran into Ana.” he admitted quietly, so that only Buck heard.

“Oh?” Buck gave him a weird look. Huh.

“Yeah, we talked for a minute. Couldn’t just walk past her, you know.” he shrugged. “We did date for a while so.”

“No, I get it.” there was something in Buck’s voice he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Huh indeed. “You talked about anything interesting?”

“Just your typical awkward conversation between exes. Nothing exciting.” he licked his lips nervously. That was true. And if Ana had some weird comments about them… that wasn’t anything exciting either, because that was simply not true. At all.

Just then they got to the ice-cream stand, and the topic of Ana ended, thankfully. For some reason it was a little awkward to talk about her with Buck, too. But then Buck said:

“So, superman, what flavor do you want?” and Eddie forgot about anyone that wasn’t those two most important people in his life.

He’d obsess over Ana’s words later, probably. For now, he was gonna be in the moment and enjoy the rest of their day at the zoo, with his family. There was no need to freak out, at least not yet.

It didn’t happen often, but occasionally Eddie would ask him to pick Chris up from school or a friend’s house, or whatever. Only when Eddie really wasn’t able to, or wouldn’t get there in time, usually because he was running some errands, and there were long lines or traffic, or he just didn’t time it right. Buck never minded, though. On the contrary, he was more than happy to spend some more time with his favorite human. If not for the fact that Eddie felt bad for asking him, or anyone, for help, Buck would help out even more. He tried to, at least.

Now was one of those times. Eddie was across town, doing whatever he was doing, and he called Buck to ask if he could pick Christopher up from school, since Carla had a day off.

Buck eagerly agreed, since it was their day off,and he wasn’t doing anything important. It’s not like he had anywhere to be or anyone to meet, especially now that he and Taylor had broken up. Besides, he’d drop everything for Chris, anyway.

He got there a few minutes before Chris’ last class ended, so he decided to wait with all the other parents. Well, with all the parents. He was not a parent, obviously, though there were times when he thought that Christopher really could be his own kid. He’d love that more than anything.

Just then, when he was waiting, Eddie called him again.

“Hey, did you pick him up?”

“The last class is still going, Eds. But I’m here.”

“Great, thanks.” Eddie exhaled. “I’m on my way back, but apparently there was some accident and there’s more traffic than normal-”

“Eddie, relax.” Buck chuckled. “I don’t mind, really. At this point it’s really not that weird for me to pick up your kid from school.” he added. They were best friends, and Buck’s done this before but Eddie still felt like he was asking for too much. He always thought he should be able to do everything on his own, without asking for help. That was admirable, but also stupid, because Buck was always going to be there for him, for them. “Calm down. And drive carefully, so that you don’t end up in an accident, too.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Eddie sounded frustrated, probably annoyed while in traffic. Buck could relate. “You have your keys, right?” he asked. Buck had spare keys to Eddie’s house, and of course he had them with him at all times, especially when he was about to drive Chris home and Eddie wasn’t there yet.

“Yes, Eddie, I have my keys.” Buck rolled his eyes. “Seriously, you’re making it a bigger deal than it is. Now focus on driving, and stop bothering me.” he added jokingly. “I’ll see you at home.” was what slipped out of his mouth. He didn’t know when Eddie’s house became just home in his head, but at some point it did. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t going to analyze it, either. He didn’t wanna open that can of worms yet. “We’ll stop by the grocery store and I’ll start on dinner. Any requests?”

“Nah, just, something edible.” Eddie chuckled.

“Fine.” Buck sighed. He’s just gonna have to ask Chris what he wanted to eat. “So I’ll see you later.” he said, wanting to finish the conversation, as there were like three minutes left before the bell.

“Text me when you’re home.” Eddie added, and huh, it was either him being distracted, or the fact that Buck called it home too. But it made Buck grin widely.

“Sure. Bye, Eds.” he said, and hung up.

He was still smiling as he pocketed his phone, when he caught one of the moms standing nearby looking at him. When their eyes met, he nodded at her in a greeting, and she approached him.

“Hi. I’m Lisa. Tommy’s mom.” she held out her hand, which Buck took.

“Buck. I, uh, I’m here for Christopher.” he said, not really knowing why. And why the hell was this soccer mom talking to him? This never happened before, but then again, he never saw her either, when he was here. Maybe someone else was picking up her kid. He did know Tommy, though, since he’d come over to Diaz’ house a couple of times when Buck was there, but he never had a chance to meet his mom.

“Oh, so you’re the famous Buck!” she exclaimed with a laugh. “Tommy mentioned you. And Christopher always talks about you when he’s over at our house.” she said with a smile, that seemed somehow equally genuine and forced. “So you’re Eddie’s…?” she trailed off, clearly waiting for him to fill in the gap. So she was one of those gossiping, prying moms, huh? Well, Buck got really lucky today, didn’t he?

“Friend.” he finished with a polite smile, for some reason feeling heat in his cheeks. Why was he blushing? Fuck.

“Oh?” she seemed genuinely taken aback. “I thought- well, doesn’t matter. It’s nice to meet you, uh… Buck?” she said his name slowly, and quite judgmentally.

“What did you think?” he asked despite himself. He just wanted this conversation to be over, but he’d lie if he said he wasn’t curious.

“Oh, nothing.” she waved her hand dismissively. “It’s just, you know, the way Christopher always talks about you, and sometimes Eddie, too. And, I’m really sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear some of your conversation right now, and, just, you know. We kind of thought you were Eddie’s, uh, partner.” she laughed, but Buck was stumped. When and how the fuck did she get that impression?

“Uhh… we?” he asked, as if that word was the most baffling thing about that sentence.

“You know, some of the other parents and I.” she shrugged.

“Uh-” before Buck could say anything, the bell rang, which meant the kids would be leaving soon.

“Well, it was nice to meet you.” Lisa repeated, walking away from him, as if she didn’t just say some of the most insane things Buck’s heard.

Buck was honestly so shocked, he couldn’t even move. So apparently Chris and Eddie talked about him in a way that could indicate… No. Nah. No way. Lisa misunderstood. But apparently there were other parents who thought so, too… So they were one of the topics of their gossip, as it turned out. Buck wasn’t even sure if he should tell Eddie about that. How would he even go about it? ‘Hey, the parents of kids in Chris’ class apparently think we’re dating, how about that, huh? Ridiculous, right?’. Yeah, no. Not when he had some, well, unnamed feelings about this whole thing and his relationship with Eddie. He needed to figure it out before he accidentally said something he couldn’t take back. But why the hell would they think… and what was it about that conversation? What the hell?

“Buck!” Christopher’s voice got him out of his thoughts, thankfully. He felt a wide smile tugging at his lips at seeing the little guy.

“Hey, buddy.” Buck said, messing up his hair and taking his backpack. “Your dad is stuck in traffic, so I’m gonna take you home. Sound good?”

“Very.” Chris said, as they slowly made their way to Buck’s car.

“But first, we’ll do some shopping. What do you feel like eating for dinner? Your dad says anything’s fine.” Buck said, and they started talking about what food would be quite quick and easy, and in Buck’s range of skills (he wasn’t horrible at cooking, certainly better than Eddie, but he wasn’t a chef, either).

And at that moment, he honestly couldn’t care less if people thought he and Eddie were more than friends. Because honestly, he wasn’t sure he’d mind if that was true.

They both might have thought about those situations a little too much, and had their respective freakouts, but then they decided not to fixate on it any longer and just go about their lives as usual. They were confused about their own feelings, and sure that the other will never feel the same. For the time being, they wanted to just ignore it, and act like they normally do.

Which included grocery shopping together, with Chris, of course, followed by dinner made by Buck, and a movie night. At this point it became their weekend thing. Every week, without fail, on whichever day when Buck and Eddie weren’t working.

“Dad!” Chris called, walking over to where Eddie stood with their cart. “Can we get chocolate cookies?”

“Please?” Buck asked, walking behind him, holding two bags of cookies. “For dessert.”

“If you promise not to eat the whole thing at once again.” Eddie said, crossing his arms. Last time those two bought candy, they ate so much of it they felt horrible, and Eddie had to deal with all that. “Both of you.” he added, pointing his finger first at Chris, then Buck.

“Promise.” Buck said, but pouted, and fuck, he was so adorable. Wait, at what point did he start thinking of Buck as adorable?

“Promise, daddy.” Chris smiled innocently. He was even more adorable. Eddie could not say no, not with two pairs of puppy-dog eyes directed at him. He would definitely have to keep an eye on them though.

“Fine.” he relented, and Buck put the cookies in the cart with a grin. “But no more sweets.” Eddie added firmly.

“You’re no fun.” Buck muttered, but he kept smiling, and Eddie had to smile, too. God, those shopping trips felt so domestic. He loved it.

“We also need chips for the movie.” Chris added. Eddie turned to look at Buck.

“You know, you might feed us actual food, but there’s also never been more junk food in my house than when you’re there.” he sighed, and Buck at least looked a little guilty. Buck usually ate quite healthy, but allowed himself to indulge in junk food for this one night every week, which usually ended with Chris doing the same, since Buck would let him do anything he wanted, really. It was sweet, but also kind of… annoying. Because then Eddie was left to be the strict one.

“I can’t say no to this face.” Buck said, looking back at Chris with a smile.

“You’re spoiling him.” Eddie remarked. He wasn’t mad or anything. It was this one night, and they’d probably be full after dinner anyway. He had to at least appear like he minded, though, right? So that they both knew it wouldn’t be that easy to get what they wanted. It wasn’t enough to just bash their eyelashes and smile at him… or at least they didn’t need to know that it worked.

“So?” Buck raised an eyebrow. “Come on, buddy, let’s go get chips.” he added pointedly, walking out of the aisle they were in.

Eddie just looked after them, feeling a soft smile on his face, and shook his head. His two guys…

“You have a beautiful family.” he heard from beside himself, and when he looked, a nice older lady was looking at him with a pleasant smile.

“Uh, thank you.” he grinned. They were a family. Buck was his family. No matter if it was as a best friend, or maybe more, he made his way into Eddie’s life, and he was always going to be a part of it. That much he was sure of. “Yeah, they’re pretty great.”

“You two remind me of my husband and I. How long have you been together?” the lady then asked, and Eddie felt himself blush.

“Oh, we’re n-” he paused, thinking it over for a second. “Not long.” he settled on. “He’s really great with my son, though.” he added, not really sure why he was making a conversation with some random lady at the store. “And my son adores him.”

“Well, that’s the most important thing, isn’t it?” she smiled. “Seems like he’s a keeper.”

“He really is.” Eddie sighed. Then, Buck and Chris showed up again with more junk food than he agreed on. He’d have to hide all that shit, so that neither of them knows where it is…

When he looked around, the lady was just leaving the aisle, continuing her shopping. It was nice in a way to talk to someone and confirm that he was dating Buck, even if it wasn’t true. He wanted to see how it’d feel. If he’d panic, like he did with Ana. But no. Someone assumed they were a family, he, Buck, and Chris, and he felt more content and peaceful than ever. It felt right. More right than anything has felt in a long, long time.

He did freak out a little though, later, when he was already in bed, after the movie night had ended and Chris went to bed, and he and Buck cleaned up. Because, fuck. He was in love with his best friend. He wanted his best friend to fill a position in his family that he wasn’t sure Buck would even want. But Eddie knew that he couldn’t just keep ignoring those feelings for the rest of his life. Sooner or later, he’d have to deal with it. He just hoped he’d manage to get a read on Buck and figure out if he felt the same way. He didn’t dare hope, not yet, but… but. If there was even the smallest chance, he might be willing to take that risk. Not yet. But soon.

There was a knock at the door, which then opened before he could take even one step further.

“Anybody home?” he heard the familiar voice, as he was making his way to the front door.

“Hola, abuela.” he grinned, giving his grandma a hug. It was a surprise visit, but a welcome one, as always. It was a Saturday morning, though, and Christopher had woken up literally ten minutes before.

“Have you eaten breakfast yet?” she asked, obviously looking for a negative answer, as she had a bag, presumably with food, in her hands. Eddie took it to carry to the kitchen.

“Not yet, we just woke up.” he chuckled, as she followed him there.

“Just woke up? It’s ten am!” she exclaimed. Ah, the elderly, and their weird habit of getting up at sunrise.

“It’s Saturday. We slept in.” he shrugged. “You have perfect timing, though, I was just about to start on breakfast.”

“Well, now you don’t have to.” she said, and he looked into the bag, where he had every meal of the day, from breakfast to dinner, for what seemed like a week. Or two days, since Buck was there, and he loved abuela’s cooking. “Is Christopher awake?”

“Yeah, he should be.” Eddie said. He knew for a fact Chris woke up, but there was a chance of him falling back asleep. He went to bed super late, because they had a movie night, and Eddie let him stay up. He couldn’t always be the strict parent. Or, the strict one out of him and Buck. Not that he considered Buck Chris’ coparent. Though maybe he kind of did. It was weird. He didn’t want to put that much responsibility on Buck (then again, there was his will), but he couldn’t help but notice how well Buck fit that role. And he didn’t seem to mind, either.

Abuela made her way to Chris’ room, and Eddie went with her, planning to check if Buck is awake, too. But before they could enter Christopher’s room, the door to Eddie’s room opened, and a sleepy Buck came out. His hair was messy, he was shirtless, and hot, and cute, and for a second there Eddie forgot how to breathe.

“Morning.” Buck said, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Then he actually took a look at who was standing before him, and he smiled. “Oh, hi, abuela.” Eddie loved that Buck called his abuela that, on her insistence, no less. She loved him. Then again, who didn’t?

“Hello, Buck.” there was a soft smile on her face. Then she looked back at Eddie, raising her eyebrow. “You two finally talked, huh? About damn time.”

“What?” he felt his eyes widen, and he was afraid they were gonna pop out of his head. Was she suggesting… Fuck. Yet another person. How… Then he thought about the situation that was happening. Buck came out of Eddie’s room, half-naked, after clearly having spent the night there. Plus, there were no blankets on the couch, indicating that Eddie could’ve slept there. Of course she came to that conclusion. And she seemed happy about it, too. What the hell. “Wh- uh, what do you mean?” he asked, cursing himself for asking for clarification. He knew his grandma, she was gonna say whatever the hell she was thinking. And he already felt his face burning, and was afraid to look at Buck.

“I mean you two finally getting together, of course.” she rolled her eyes.

“Oh, we’re not…” it was Buck who said it. Of course he said it. They weren’t. And Buck would never want to… “We just, um-”

“We slept in my bed, because we were too tired to set up the couch.” Eddie said, tone firm. He got a grip, finally. Took a little longer than he’d like. He sneaked a peak at Buck, who was also red in the face, and not looking at him. “Nothing more, Abuela.” And it really was just that. It wasn’t the first time they shared a bed. Eddie’s bed was big enough, and much more comfortable than the couch. And Buck might’ve cuddled him in his sleep, and Eddie loved that, but no one had to know.

“Really?” she frowned, and she sounded skeptical. Yeah, well, she knew Eddie really well. Of course she noticed that he was head over heels in love with Buck. She didn’t have to talk about it in front of him, though.

“Why don’t we go see if Christopher’s up?” Eddie asked, a huge, fake smile on his face. He prayed for the earth to open up and swallow him whole. How the hell would he be able to look his best friend in the eyes now? It would be different if someone assumed that while he wasn’t in love with him. As it was… it was gonna be awkward. At least on Eddie’s part. Fuck.

“And I’ll go, um, get dressed.” Buck murmured, stepping back into Eddie’s room and closing the door.

“Abuela!” Eddie whisper-shouted. “Why?”

“What? I thought you finally told him-”

“Shh!” he interrupted her, and now he really got scared, because one did not just shush Isabela Diaz. “Sorry.” he added quickly. She seemed understanding, though. “You could’ve asked me in private.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie.” she moved to hug him. “I’m sure you two will work it out.”

“He doesn’t-”

“He does.” she interrupted. “You just need to man up and talk to him.” she pulled away and looked at him. “Don’t wait too long, though. Quiero ver tu boda antes de morir.” she added with a huge smile, and fuck, he hoped Buck didn’t hear and that he didn’t know Spanish. It was very possible she was going crazy in her old age (well, maybe not, but that’s what he could say to Buck to explain her weird comments).

“There’s not gonna be any wedding, because he doesn’t-” Eddie sighed with frustration. “Can we drop this subject?”

“For now.” she relented, and opened the door to Christopher’s room. The kid got so happy when he saw her. Eddie left them alone and went back to the kitchen. He needed to figure out what to say to Buck. If there even was anything to say at all.

Buck came into the kitchen, already dressed, before Chris and abuela. So now there were the two of them, alone. Buck was avoiding eye contact. Shit.

“So.” Eddie started, a nervous chuckle escaping him.

“So abuela brought food, huh?” Buck asked, seeing the tupperware, already out of the bag. Oh. So they were going to ignore that situation… Eddie wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed.

“Yeah. A lot of food.” Eddie laughed, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “Help yourself.”

“Sweet.” Buck grinned, moving to take the plates out of the cabinet. Then he proceeded to set the table for the four of them, not even knowing if grandma was gonna eat with them, as she might have been after breakfast already. “Where are they?” he asked then.

“You can just start eating.” Eddie shrugged.

“No, we always eat breakfast together.” Buck said casually. Always meaning whenever Buck spent the night there, of course. It was nice, they had their little routine or whatever.

Just then, Christopher and abuela came into the kitchen, the kid getting as excited over all the food as Buck. Eddie watched them as he sat down at the table opposite Buck. God, he loved his family. And Buck was… Buck fit with them so perfectly and seamlessly, it was hard to remember that they met merely three years ago. It felt as if Eddie had known him his whole life.

And by now, Buck has stopped avoiding eye contact, as if forgetting anyone said anything. Eddie was glad, at least it wasn’t awkward. At the same time, though, maybe if they talked, something would finally happen that could bring all Eddie’s hopes a little closer to reality. As it was, he was pretty sure Buck didn’t feel the same way. He didn’t want to risk their friendship, no matter what his abuela might think.

It was a nice, quiet evening, disrupted only by the low volume of the TV. Buck was half-asleep, leaning against Eddie on the couch. Eddie didn’t seem to mind, and Buck was too tired to move as he’d had a long day. He wasn’t sure if he was already dreaming, or still quite awake, but he swore that he had felt Eddie’s hand play with his hair. Then he heard Christopher’s footsteps.

“Shhh.” Eddie immediately whispered. “Buck’s asleep.”

“Can I watch TV with you?” Chris asked, his voice also quiet. Buck was in that stage of sleep when he was aware of what’s happening around him, but he was almost asleep already. It’s not like he was pretending to sleep to eavesdrop or anything. He was just exhausted, and Eddie’s couch was so comfortable, and Eddie’s arm wrapped around him was even more comfortable. He wouldn’t be able to move and ruin that even if he really wanted to.

“Sure. Just be quiet, okay? Let’s let him sleep for a while.” Eddie was still whispering, but Buck could hear the smile in his voice.

He felt the couch move a little, as Chris settled on the other side of him. Then Eddie’s hand disappeared from his hair, and he felt himself being covered with a blanket, after which Eddie’s hand returned. Buck was pretty sure by now he was leaning against Eddie’s chest, with Eddie’s other arm around his shoulders. It was so nice, and so warm, and so comfortable. It really was no surprise that he was almost asleep. He was kind of in and out of sleep all the time, though. But he could swear that after Eddie covered him with a blanket and went back to combing his fingers through Buck’s hair, he kissed Buck’s forehead. Unless it was a very vivid dream. He really didn’t wanna open his eyes and check, it was nice to hope, for at least a little while.

“Dad?” he heard Chris after a while (it could have been seconds or minutes, or even an hour, he was half-asleep and it felt like time flew differently).

“Yeah?”

“Are you and Buck together?” there was pure curiosity in the boy’s voice, but Eddie sounded like he choked on his own spit, and Buck almost sat up. He managed to keep his composure, but he was definitely awake now.

“Why-” Eddie started a little loudly, and, probably worrying he’d wake Buck, he lowered his voice back to a whisper. “Why would you ask that?”

“You just look like a couple.” Chris sounded so matter-of-fact. Where the hell did people get that impression? Did everyone see how in love Buck was? Apparently he was obvious enough for a kid to notice (though aren’t kids the most perceptive people anyway?). God, what if Eddie knew? That would be embarrassing. But he never said anything… Probably not to make things awkward. Why would he want Buck, right?

“What do you mean?” Eddie was still whispering, but he sounded nervous.

“Dad, you’re cuddling.” he said, and Buck could imagine his raised eyebrows and an unimpressed expression. There was no bullshit with this kid. “And you’re playing with his hair. When he stays over he sleeps with you. And you always look at him like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you love him.” and oh wow. What did that even mean? How did this kid notice it (if it was even true)?

“How old are you?” Eddie asked disbelievingly. “How do you even-” he took a deep breath, and Buck felt Eddie’s chest rising under Buck’s cheek. “No, we are not together.” he answered finally.

“Do you want to be?”

“What’s with all the questions?” Eddie asked defensively.

“I love Buck.” Chris answered. “And if you want to date him, I’d be okay with it.” he added, probably because he knew, of course he knew, that Eddie always thought of him first, and how Eddie’s decisions would affect him. And with Buck, it would be difficult, wouldn’t it? Like, if they were together and, God forbid, broke up, and the break up was bad? Buck would never want to stop seeing the kid, but he’d have no right to keep doing it. Though there was Eddie’s will, but Buck had no idea how that played in, he honestly tried not to think about it much, because it was a lot, and he was overwhelmed enough with his feelings for Eddie.

“That’s-” Eddie sighed softly, and Buck knew, don’t ask him how, he just did, that Eddie smiled. “That’s great, buddy. Thanks. Can I tell you a secret? But you have to promise not to tell anyone, not even Buck.” he added even more quietly, then moved, probably to see if Buck is asleep.

“I promise.” Chris said, and then Buck also felt the couch move, so Chris probably moved closer.

“I do wanna date him.” he said so quietly Buck could barely hear it, but he did. And oh, fuck. Did he just say what he just said?

“That’s awesome!” Chris exclaimed, and Eddie shushed him.

“But I don’t know if he wants to date me.” Eddie added.

“So ask him.” Christopher said, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Buck knew it wasn’t. Not even close. But if he heard all that correctly…

“Yeah, Eds. Just ask me.” Buck finally spoke up, not able to hide a smile as he did. He felt Eddie tense.

“You’re awake.” Eddie was still whispering, though now there was a tone of fear.

“Mhm. Been for a while.” he slowly sat up. “Sorry for eavesdropping, couldn’t help myself.” he grinned, looking at Eddie. When Eddie saw him smile, he relaxed a bit, and smiled, too. “So what was it about dating me?”

“I mean, everyone keeps assuming we’re dating. Including my own son, apparently.” he looked past Buck, at Chris, briefly. He still looked a little nervous. “It got me thinking.”

“Oh yeah?” Buck leaned back against Eddie, bringing their faces close. “About what?”

“About-” he shot another nervous glance at Christopher. This was a not a ‘oh fuck I’m freaking out, what now’ glance, though, that was a ‘am I seriously about to kiss this guy for the first time in front of my kid’ glance. And apparently, he decided to say ‘fuck it’ and just did it. He closed the distance between himself and Buck, and just kissed him, right there, on Eddie’s couch, right after Buck woke up from a nap, next to Christopher, who cheered and made them both blush. It was short and sweet, and perfect. It just felt right, more than anything else ever did. “We’re gonna do more of that later. And maybe talk. Later.” Eddie whispered, briefly kissing him again. “When my son is not right there.”

“Okay.” Buck smiled, settling back on Eddie’s chest. “That sounds perfect.”

“You’re welcome.” they heard from the other end of the couch. They both were stunned for a second and looked at him in confusion. “I thought you were dating, and asked dad about it while Buck was here. And now you are dating.” he explained, annoyance at their ungratefulness audible in his voice. Both Buck and Eddie just laughed.

“Thanks, superman.” Buck mumbled, slowly falling back asleep. “I owe you one.”

“We owe him much more.” Eddie wrapped his arms tightly around Buck. “You have no idea how happy I am.” he whispered into Buck’s hair.

“Trust me, I have some idea.” Buck could not stop grinning. Finally, after people left and right assuming they were together, it was true. They kissed, they knew that they both wanted the same thing, or they more or less knew, they still needed to talk, but it was great. Buck could not be happier. He didn’t think he’d ever been happier in his life. That was the best day of his life.

“Hey, I’m here!” he heard Buck’s voice coming from the hallway. “You ready?” he asked, his voice closer.

“Yeah, just a minute!” Eddie answered, finishing buttoning up his shirt. Then he saw his boyfriend (boyfriend! It’s been weeks, and he was still as excited even thinking about it as when they made it official) come into his room, and lean against the doorway. “Hey.” he smiled at him, looking him up and down. Damn, he looked good. As he always did, really, but it was date night, and he looked fucking amazing in his white button-up shirt, top two buttons undone, of course, and black jeans.

“Hello, gorgeous.” Buck said, smiling brightly. Eddie felt himself blush a little. “Chris asleep?”

“No, it’s not even seven.” Eddie chuckled. Then he looked back into the mirror, fixing his hair.

“It looks good, leave it be.” Buck rolled his eyes. “Besides, to me, you always look breathtakingly handsome.”

“Give me a sec.” Eddie’s cheeks were bright red now. Damn, how could Buck still make him blush this hard?

“Fine, I’ll go say hi to Christopher.” Buck said and moved to leave, but then Eddie stopped him:

“Hey, didn’t you forget something?”

“What?” and before he could do or say anything, Eddie walked up and kissed him. He wanted to just give him a quick peck, but, well, it was Buck. And he kissed so fucking well, it was impossible. Besides, Eddie loved him, and kissing him was one of his favorite activities now. So he kind of forgot himself, and let the kiss develop into a quick make-out session.

“Hi.” he whispered into his lips, biting his lip lightly before pulling away. They were both flushed and a little out of breath.

“Wow.” Buck chuckled, leaning in for one more quick kiss. “That’s some welcome.”

“I’m just happy to see you.” Eddie shrugged, getting back to the mirror.

“Okay, well, I’m happy to see you, too.” he answered, a beautiful smile on his face. “But hurry up, we have a reservation.” he added, then finally left the room.

Just as Eddie finished getting ready, there was a knock at the door and Carla came, with perfect timing as always. He let her in, then went to Chris’ room, where his guys were talking.

“Carla’s here, and I’m ready to go.” he said.

“Finally.” Buck said with an exasperated sigh, standing up.

“We’re going.” Eddie said, this time to his son. “Be good, and don’t stay up too late, okay?” he messed up his hair and kissed his head.

“I know, dad.” he answered with an eye roll. “Have a good time.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Buck smiled.

Then they left on their date.

***

They were sitting in a restaurant, opposite from each other, and Eddie could not for the life of him focus on the menu. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Buck, scanning every little movement, every little detail. They’ve known each other for years, they’ve been dating for two months now, but he just couldn’t get enough. It was still new and fresh, and Eddie felt so excited and so grateful that he could have this. Being with Buck was the happiest he’s ever been (when it comes to romantic relationships, obviously nothing ever made him happier than his son). It just felt right. Buck, Chris, and Eddie were a family, and he had no doubts, he never panicked thinking about it… They just fit together perfectly. And really, not much changed when it comes to the three of them. Yeah, Buck and Eddie were dating now, but Buck had been a part of their family since day one. Everything was pretty much the same, with some more hand-holding and kissing. And-

“And for your partner?” the waiter’s voice got through Eddie’s thoughts, and he found Buck looking at him with amusement. Oh, wow, Eddie got lost in his own head there for a second. He didn’t even notice the waiter come over, or Buck ordering, which he apparently did.

“My partner,” Buck said, an involuntary smile appearing on his face at the word. Really, it was the first time someone assumed they were together, and was right about it. Well, they were on a date. Still, it was so nice to hear people say that. “will have a glass of wine, too. And, uh, Eds, what do you want to eat?”

“Oh, right, sorry.” Eddie felt his cheeks heat up, as he looked down at the menu and then he read out the first dish he saw. He hasn’t gotten this distracted in a while.

“Great, I’ll be back with your wine in a sec.” the waiter smiled and walked away.

“Where did you go?” Buck asked him, reaching for his hand and chuckling. Eddie intertwined their fingers, and they held hands on the table.

“I don’t know.” Eddie laughed. God, he was probably bright red. “I was just looking at you and thinking how lucky I am.”

“I’m the one that’s lucky.” Buck said softly. “I got you and Christopher. That’s double lucky.”

“I love you so much.” Eddie sighed, smiling so widely his cheeks hurt.

“I love you, too, Eddie.” his boyfriend responded, then drew Eddie’s hand closer to kiss his knuckles and made Eddie blush even more. Damn, he really enjoyed how Eddie reacted to him, huh?

That’s when the waiter came back with their wine, and commented that they make a cute couple. Well, Eddie knew that. People have been saying that, and similar things, since before they even were a couple. He loved that people noticed that, though. He was in love, so hopelessly, madly in love, he wanted to scream it from the rooftops.

Just then, he remembered what his abuela had said a few months ago. Well, it was still too early for that in their relationship, but he felt like she was gonna see that wedding she wanted. One day. Not now, that would be too fast. Though maybe there was one thing he could do now…

“Hey, so I was thinking.” he decided to say what he had thought about quite a lot recently. “Since we’re together now, and you’re always at my house anyway.” he continued, looking down at the table, for some reason kind of afraid of Buck’s reaction. “I was wondering, uh, how would you feel about moving in with Chris and I?” he finished rather quickly, a little nervous, and looked up at Buck again. He honestly wasn’t entirely sure how all the relationship stuff worked with them, since they were first and foremost best friends. But that meant he didn’t have to wait that long to move in with him, right? There was no one who knew them better than each other. Buck had been basically kind of living with them for years, anyway. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and Christopher would be over the moon.

“I’d love to.” Buck breathed out, grinning. “You sure?”

“More than anything.”

“Okay. Yeah, I wanna move in with you.” Buck responded, laughing a little disbelievingly.

Eddie couldn’t help himself then, he leaned over the table and kissed his amazing partner. He honestly couldn’t remember a time when he’d been happier. And that was just the beginning, they had their whole lives ahead of them to be happy together.

#buddie #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #911 fanfic #5+1 things #5+1 fic #fluff i guess #mutual pining #they're stupid your honor #idiots in love #getting together #everyone thinks they're together #and they're basically are tbh #first kiss #idk

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