#i also never got car insurance during it lol

[vodid]

i remember in 6th grade, my middle school had us go on a field trip where we pretend lived as adults with jobs and car insurance in a little town to teach us more about the adult world and i was so unhappy with the job they assigned to me that i went on to never get a fucking job how cool is that

#we had to take a little quiz about our interests and absolutely EVERYTHING i put on there was ignored #except 'writing' in which they made me some fucking newspaper article writer and i hated it #at least let me be an editor #to say the least i was quite miserable during that field trip #i also never got car insurance during it lol #adulting 101

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

hiiii idk if you’re taking requests, and feel free to ignore me lol, but i’ve been thinking abt Try Your Best (That's All We Can Do) a lot recently. and like reading it is so perfect and i love it. i was wondering if you were going to add to the story at all. ik it is wrapped up nicely, but i kinda wanna know what happens to them (make sure roman can avoid being murdered and heal), but yeah! thanks for all you write!

I really, really like how I ended that fic, so I don’t think I’m going to do another full chapter, but I’ll do a mini-fic epilogue just for you :)

Roman eventually shares with Virgil and Remus—and Janus, by default, because god knows his two lil gremlins don’t want to keep secrets from their dad if they don’t have to—that he’s been going to a therapist since a few months after Jamie committed suicide. He ascribes a lot of his personal growth to talking things through with them, even though they’re determined to get him to accept some credit on his own.

(Remus may or may not hit Roman in the face with a pillow for the same reasons and the two of them may or may not get into the habit of pillow-fighting whenever they see each other. It’s unclear whether or not this is actually a good thing.)

(It is, don’t worry.)

Roman actually plans to meet up with Virgil for a date right after one of his appointments, and Janus drops him off outside the building. While there, the therapist asks Janus if he’s Roman’s father. He isn’t, and says as much, but he starts to worry about how Roman’s managing to afford this if his therapist can’t even recognize his parents. He confronts Roman about it and Roman says that the school’s guidance counselor actually recommended and they worked out something with insurance that his parents never had to personally approve.

There’s another indecent at school where Janus is called in because Remus got into a fight. When he gets there, he sees Roman sitting outside the principal’s office, holding something to his head again, and Remus glowering at the wall. For a terrible second, he has memories of the same thing happening in middle school, only this time Remus has his arm around Roman’s shoulders and Virgil comes running up a second later.

Jamie’s friend had attacked Roman again, and Remus had tried to stop them. Roman had shoved Remus behind him and been rewarded with a textbook across his temple. The administration had found the three boys like that: one bleeding, still holding back another, the third crying and screaming on the floor.

Roman’s parents never make an appearance.

Janus offers to drive Roman home—and maybe not-so secretly give them a piece of his mind—but Roman pales and makes up something about how that would just leave his car in the school parking lot overnight and he’d have to figure out a way to get to school tomorrow. Janus lets it go, mostly so the poor thing doesn’t freak out even more, but he’s oddly quiet for the rest of the night.

He also turns into a total cuddle monster for the rest of the week, but that’s not that big of a surprise.

No, the surprise comes when Virgil gets a call during one of their weekend afternoons and finds out that Roman has to cancel their date tomorrow because he’s in the hospital.

The call doesn’t even end before Janus is barking at both of them to get in the car.

They’re almost not allowed in, because only family is permitted, but then the orderlies reveal that Roman’s actual family hasn’t showed up at all, didn’t answer the emergency call, and Janus just about shoves his way past them to let Virgil run into Roman’s room. The room is filled with machines and loud beeping and a scared child in an oversized hospital bed, and all Janus can think about is the little boy in his father’s suit, all alone in a graveyard.

The doctor comes in. All three of them completely fail to be subtle at eavesdropping as she tells Roman that his attacker has been taken into custody, and that it’s a good thing his family came so quickly.

Virgil barely stifles a gasp, Remus’s eyes go wide, and Janus’s just watches the most heartbreaking confusion cross Roman’s face until he realizes that the doctor is referring to them.

“…yeah,” Roman mumbles, not meeting any of their eyes, “I guess I am.”

The doctor turns to Janus. “Did they tell you what happened?”

“No, not yet.”

“Your son was hit by a car. Luckily it wasn’t going very fast and his injuries aren’t too severe, but he’ll need to rest and heal. Is there somewhere you can—“

“Can you give us a moment, please?”

The doctor looks at Roman, surprised, then back at Janus. Janus just raises his eyebrow—“He’s the patient, it’s not up to me.”—and the doctor leaves.

“If you say anything about being sorry for being an inconvenience or her assuming we’re your family,” Remus says before Roman can say anything, “I’m gonna hit you with a pillow.”

“Remus,” Janus warns.

Roman winces, holding a hand to his side. “Don’t make me laugh, my ribs are cracked.”

“Good thing Re’s not funny, then.”

“Boys.”

Roman does, in fact, try and apologize for everything, but Janus stops him with a hand on his uninjured shoulder.

“You’re hurting,” he says softly, referring to far more than just the car accident, “let us help you, please.”

When the doctor comes back, the first thing they do is change Roman’s emergency contact to Janus.

#dragonbabbles #fic #mini-fic #i do have opinions on the matter

[nityarawal]

Notes to hustling landlord for his last minute electrical bill:

Breeding for Dog Owners - Caring for Newborn Puppies | VCA | VCA Animal Hospitals

https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/breeding-for-dog-owners-caring-for-newborn-puppies#:~:text=During%20the%20first%20four%20days,29.5%2D32%C2%B0C).

Google says it should be 70-80. Do you have a heat pad for them?

My cash came in! (: Yay! Relief! MJ loaned us a heat pad for puppies and is going to run me into town possibly.

Are you going anyways?

I need to go to liquor store too.

Do you need anything?

OK thanks. I just can't afford more yet but I got your $300! Hopefully Gabriel tarps roof tonight. It's too wet right now. I'm just warming up at MJs. I thought it was sweet of them to loan heat pad. I just put it on low. I gave the dogs alot of love and care when you weren't around. 3-6 cans of tuna/day etc. You asked me to check on them. Otherwise I was never in your room. No worries. When I get money I'll upgrade to Mike's. Can we turn it around? His place is cute. I just like entrance north or east.

Do you accept bit coin? I need to figure out new banking now that it broke! Lmk if you want to create it in a fun way. I'm going to be creative.

I don't have it. I told you I need to get my divorce refunds from court. My kids are raped so thats proority to stop. Did you find Melodys phone with Jada screenshots from nurse Darlene's smear campaign? I let Idyllwild Health Center know about their defamation trial at America 1st Legal. Send me all your testimony. Another mom is getting her refunds from Elon Musk now. I'll let Melody know her Sugar Daddy at Big Pharma needs to cover it. I would've had bank and insurance refunds if she didn't spread her legs for drugs & hooker car. Protect ranch better next time from court Hoes please. No teeth- no business- ever. Sober friends & clients only. Lol Prayers. Lmk if you want to rent 2 vacant trailers. They could pay immediately.

Are you going to be a hater over your irresponsible heating bills for pets? I had no heat or bed all winter after Melody sold me to a Chula Vista bonified court pedo- and still have leaky roof bro and your Cougar hustled me as a sex worker. Gross? Yeah- it is. No triangulation with felons. Merci. Thankyou. Grazie works with moms. And heat/food. Priorities. TG MJ let me warm up in snow storms at her place & Gabriel tried to fix propane heater we bought $20 in gas for. Do you have another? It's broken. I love your dogs and was happy to help caretake for birth all weekend & feed them 50 + cans of Tuna. Loved your toasty room. Thankyou! Maybe offer rewarding incentives to tenants- like jacuzzi- for labors & humane housing/ rick concerts? Also- does that dryer work? My bedding & carpet is so wet! Flooding! Mr. Landlord- we wish you a fine day!!! You will manifest this. You got it. No need to start ww4. It didn't work w/ Melody or Mikey did it? Peace. Merci. $Nityalakshmi

#Irany #GetSome w/ Dr. HALL.

HEARD HES GIVING FREE CHIRO TO HOOKERS & COMEDIANS! Your cousin?

Auntie Janet Hall was my nanny & her son Chris Hull is a political whore. He made my Jewish bff do Morning after pill.

I would never date anyone named Chris. For record. Or Mark. Now Halls. (:

Thank Melody.

You're very own court syphalis spreading #Trumpleberry political actress Cougar. Merci!!!!!! Lol

[survey--s]

429.

What types of soups do you like? Butternut squash, broccoli and stilton, minestrone, lentil and bacon, potato cheese - always served with crusty bread and good butter. If a color could reflect your current mood, which would it be? I don’t know - whatever colour mean relaxed, I suppose. Maybe purple? That always feels pretty relaxing to me. How many people are in the place you are in right now? Just my husband upstairs, plus a dog and three cats. What color is the chair/couch/bed you are sitting on now? It’s grey, and I’m sitting under a red blanket. Do you prefer hoodies, jackets or coats? Jackets. The last time you saw fireworks? Last night. Have you ever gone to a movie premiere? Nope, stuff like that doesn’t really interest me. What stereotype are you/did you used to be placed in at school? I wasn’t popular enough to fit into any stereotype, lol. Most people generally forgot I existed. What's in the room directly to the right of you? The rest of the sofa and my phone, then beyond that, the front door - and also a table and chairs with a cat underneath it, and the window to the front street. Whose house were you in last apart from your own? Susie’s. Can you make brownies? When did you last make them? I can, but I pretty much never bake anything. The last time I baked brownies I probably lived in Suffolk? Or maybe during lockdown, I’m not sure. Do you swear often? Everyday. Do you enjoy crosswords and other word puzzles? How about sudoku? Crosswords and word searches, sure, but I never got on with sudoku. Who was the last person to make you laugh out loud? Mike. Do you like Belgian waffles? I LOVE belgian waffles. I never order them much but they’re always so good whenever I actually do. What color is the door into the room you are in now? All the doors in this house are white. Can you say "Please may I have the bill" in any other language than English? Mais oui. Do you go out of the way to help people you don't know? I mean, I wouldn’t walk past someone in the street who needed help, but equally I’m unlikely to go and volunteer somewhere as it’s just so outside my comfort zone. I would volunteer with animals though! What's your definition of an evil person: Anyone who’s moral compass is so low that they no longer have any concept of what is right or wrong. When was the last time you had a seriously bad flu/cold? About three and a half years ago. Honestly, since going self-employed and working with animals, I’ve never been sick.  What was the last commercial you heard selling? Car insurance, I think. Do you own a digital camera? I do, but I never use it. I’m not even sure I know where it is, to be honest. The last time you went to an amusement park? About five years ago when we went to Blackpool and it was pretty miserable, I’m not gonna lie to you lol. Would you rather struggle to hide emotion or struggle to feel it? Struggle to hide it. Do you prefer fairly common names or a bit out of the ordinary ones? Slightly out of the ordinary ones. Would you rather have a pet cat, dog, horse or tortoise? We have cats and a dog - I’d LOVE a horse but only if I had private land attached to the house, or I could afford full livery somewhere. I have no real interest in tortoises - they’re sweet but not very interactive. How many hours sleep do you get on an average night? Probably 7-8 on average. Ideally I’d get more, but it works well enough for me as long as I can catch up at weekends. Is your laugh loud, normal or very silent? I guess it’s pretty normal? I’ve never had comments to suggest otherwise. What things do you not like talking about? Politics, bad things from my past. Would your best friend say you would make a good parent? No, neither of us would make good parents, which is why we’re not having kids.

#survey #surveys

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Reacting To Myself On A TV Quiz Show!

Date video was published: 03/10/2019 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 390

Phil talks about his experience on The Weakest Link, which he hadn’t done in detail in a video before. Though he had made reference to it a few times and tweeted about it. Dan also randomly tweeted about this video when Phil posted it.

0:08 - did not really need to start this video with second-hand cringe

0:21 - I have no memory of this at all...Phil’s annotations though 😂

0:32 - and the car insurance commercial, which he had talked about several times. yikes. Phil really does have issues on TV

0:50 - I used to watch the US version of the show

0:58 - Phil does not have confidence in himself on this

1:05 - love his immediate little giggle

1:15 - definitely at a bad hair stage 😂 one of my favorite things though was Dan always thinking that this was Phil’s natural hair color, but then finding out from Phil during a joint live show that it was not. if someone knows what live show that is, send it to me because I can’t remember

1:28 - of course he did. I love Phil so much

1:40 - that is important context if you’ve never seen that game show

1:51 - he definitely sounds more northern too

2:21 - Phil’s face in the corner as he tries to process the question is great

2:39 - he just has resting bored face I guess, haha

2:55 - love Phil’s editing additions to the footage too. I wonder if he had to ask the BBC for the show footage for this.

3:09 - yeah the wording of some of these questions seem really convoluted

3:34 - also enjoy the behind-the-scenes insight into how things are filmed

3:40 - Phil constantly just roasting his past self 😂

3:53 - “betrayal!”

4:07 - Phil smiling because he knows the roast is coming

4:16 - wtf past Phil, lol

4:23 - I would be so terrified being put on the spot with questions like this

4:30 - LMAO deceased at Phil’s own reaction to himself describing YouTube as “films”

4:42 - glad Phil is also confused about that and it’s not just a UK thing

4:53 - same Phil reaction as to “films”

4:48 - weird-Phil era! incredible. do not think that video is still public anywhere

5:02 - he did air-quotes correctly! 😮

5:09 - oooo, really roasting the hair

5:22 - lol at Phil pointing out that her hair was almost the same

5:30 - ouch. just leading them into insulting each other

5:57 - more excellent annotation additions

6:12 - that one was easier since it was only a choice between two

6:38 - Phil still remembers his reasoning

7:20 - love that he says “always guess” here and later he will just make guesses

7:52 - he’s so surprised at his past self

8:07 - lol, of course he did. and more behind-the-scenes insights

8:32 - you can see the fear in his eyes...would not want to be on the spot like that either

8:50 - somehow I’m sure there were more leading questions

9:15 - he does do quite well for the first few rounds!

9:51 - “yes! geeky question!” I’m sure he was excited to hear that one

10:07 - “how would anyone know that?!” immediately answers in the past 😂

10:20 - lol at his mind still going to the same wrong answer. I love that his housemates roasted him for that afterwards

10:31 - I’ve never noticed him just saying “whisk” there before

10:48 - yikes, Phil. the show did seem to want them to insult each other though

11:26 - oh no! he’s getting worse. maybe he was getting more nervous. also oops at him saying “bank” when he meant to pass

12:00 - that was a bad round. slightly better for current Phil, though he didn’t attempt to answer that last one

12:41 - smart strategy on Clare’s part if so!

13:11 - honest Phil there! also love Anne’s “exactly”

13:40 - the questions are definitely harder in this round...but lol at using “Alaska” as the guess

14:08 - somewhat surprised he got a tool question correct

14:55 - never choose to go first!

15:04 - already dying at the look on Phil’s face in the corner...also coming up with “gnu” as an answer at all...what 😂

15:13 - Dan still roasting him about his is amazing

16:21 - this seems like the easiest question of this bunch by far

16:56 - he tried; so close!

17:34 - awww, yes Phil 😊

18:00 - I love that he kept it a secret until they saw the episode

This is one of my favorites of Phil’s early-2019 videos. The running “betrayal” joke is great and it’s just an amusing video to me overall.

#dan and phil #dnp #dnpRewatch #amazingphil #phil lester #amazingphil videos #Reacting To Myself On A TV Quiz Show!

[darker-soft-starker]

Starker High School AU, Pt. 2 (Pt. 1, Pt. 3, Pt. 4, Pt. 5)

-----

Peter will admit that during he took an extended moment during his journey home to grieve the loss of his free afternoon, and indeed the impending headaches.

And the rest of his future, if he was honest.

Not that Peter was prone to melancholy by any means, but with this assignment his fate was officially sealed, there was no misunderstanding. He was going to fail this assignment. He was going to, for the first time in his academic career, be forced to submit garbage of a caliber worthy of Tony Stark. It will forever be a black mark on his academic record.

No respectable college is going to accept him after this. In fact, he might as well drop out of school now and hit up Mr Delmar for a job. All of his prep for his MIT application is as good as useless after this. Extracurriculars? Goodbye.

Because it’s confirmed.

He’s doomed.

Swaying with the motions of the train, Peter types a text to Ned, the only person who might provide him with some much needed sympathy.

>  I’m doomed >  paired w/stark for an assignment lollllllllll.  >  help

Maybe Peter could trade with Ned. Maybe he could plead with their teacher, for honest fear of his life and scholastic integrity. He wasn’t even exaggerating. In no known iteration of this universe could Peter amicably work with Tony Stark. It would be like Harry Potter sitting down for tea with Voldemort, or Frodo and Sauron chilling with a pint and a pipe in Bag End. 

It was unthinkable. Implausible. Laughable.

And Peter would laugh, were it anyone but him in this situation.

The feeling is unusual. Never had he found reason in his life to truly dislike anybody before, everyone could be redeemed or given the opportunity for penance. Natasha has said more than once that Peter would offer the devil himself a sandwich if he appeared. 

Tony Stark on the other hand? No sandwich for him.

Well, maybe a slice of bread. A stale one.

While he waits for Ned to responds he catches sight of his injured reflection in the train window, which is admittedly pretty gnarly. Even with his hood drawn up, there was a noticeable berth allocated to him in the busy carriage between himself and the other passengers.

< sux. can I have ur lego hogwarts if u die?

> dude :( pity me.

< lol. so, can i?

Peter sighs.

> sure. Look after May for me, bro. delete my internet history.

< deal. godspeed

Pocketing his phone, Peter wonders if it’s too late to take up praying.

---

By the time he’s back in his apartment his mood has managed to swing back up.

Tony Stark is not going to be the arbiter of Peter’s fate. Hell no. He’s smart, he’s creative and hardworking - it isn’t up to anybody but Peter to determine his outcomes. If he has to do the assignment with Stark then he will. And he will work his hardest. 

If he has to do it sharing the credit with Stark, well, Peter knows a concession when he sees one.

No matter how reluctant he is.

But he powers through it, like ripping off a bandaid. It’s fine! He’s a Parker and he’s come this far in life already against ill, Parker-like odds. What was being paired for one assignment with someone who escaped the nearest hellmouth? 

It’ll be fine. 

Probably.

Not letting himself linger on his fears, Peter clears out his previous plans of going on a YouTube spiral and eating sour gummies until his teeth stick, instead utilising the time to get his foot in and and begins prepping for the assignment. Cursory, preliminary research at first, before the inevitable deep dive begins.

Neanderthal, Peter scoffs, mad all over again. Who is Stark to call Peter a neanderthal? He’s second in his class. He’s a straight A student. He likes school.

And as much as he is moderately skilled in, and enjoys JV, it’s not like he received his scholarship to study at Midtown based on his physical prowess.

The graze on his cheek that stings every time he yawns is proof of that.

Stark can eat his entire ass and choke on it, he thinks darkly, as he continues his research. He doesn’t know the first thing about Peter.

The data is sobering as he delves into job listings and statistics of his projected salary in a three year margin. This is really what his teachers earn? Wow. Depressing.

The contrast of expected salary versus the forecast of steep student loans is disheartening further still.

Teaching quietly slips from second to third on his list of ideal occupations.

Turning on a playlist on his phone, Peter continues to compile notes, amassing a truly gargantuan amount of tabs on his browser. His computer, old enough to be on its’ last teeth, whirrs loudly in protest.

It’s not until his room goes dark that he thinks to check the time.

Ah, shit. It’s nearly six.

Peter pauses. Should he tidy up the apartment?

...Nah, no point in breaking a sweat for Stark.

He continues typing. Then he hesitates, fingers suspended in mid-air. 

But what if Stark sees his unfolded laundry out on the dining table and publicly shames him for his old-but-comfortable Bulbasaur themed boxer shorts?

Goddamnit.

---

A quick, cursory clean ensues and leaves a relatively orderly Parker apartment. No freshly laundered underwear is in sight.

Peter wraps up just a few minutes before six. Right on time.

Taking a seat at the now clear dining table Peter drums his fingers on the surface and waits.

And waits.

And waits.

---

He knows when Tony finally arrives when he hears the sound of a car pulling up outside his apartment block. The riffs of a Roxette remix can be heard playing loudly  from the ground to the seventh floor of his apartment, the bass so thunderous it reverberates the windows all the way up to his floor.

Drumming his fingers on the kitchen table, Peter checks the wall clock again. It’s nearly seven.

Tony’s late.

Not that Peter is particularly affected with surprise that Tony is incapable of following basic instructions, but still. Really? Really?

By the time there is a knock on his door, Peter is already before it, his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. Every second between Tony pulling up and his ascent to Peter’s floor has him positively fuming. He can’t believe how this day played out. It started with such promise. He had such innocuous, but high hopes.

Clearly, he miscalculated.

Feeling a touch petty, he waits to answer, listening to Stark knock a second and then a third, more insistent time before he rouses enough calm to open the door.

He instantly regrets it when he does. 

Tony’s expression is curious one as he breezes right passed Peter without waiting for further invitation. There’s a smudge of something dark on his brow, his otherwise white undershirt smeared in dark stains.

Peter watches incredulously as the other boy drops his backpack by the door with a thump.

“You’re late.”

He closes the door behind Tony and scowls at the other boys easy posture, hands shoved into his pockets, eyes taking in the apartment.

“I didn’t realise you lived all the way out in fucking Queens. Do you have any idea how bad traffic is at this time of day? Also, your elevator doesn’t work. I just climbed seven flights of stairs, where’s the hospitality?”

“Try earning it.”

The other boy rolls his eyes. “Like it’s worth my time.” He breezes past Peter and slides his leather jacket off his arms, tossing it atop of his backpack in the corner. “Look, I’m here now. Okay? You can unclench now. So, do I get a tour or what?”

“Or what. This wouldn’t have been an issue if we had just started straight after class like I said.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Tony clutches his hands to his heart before gesturing to the room. “I didn’t realise I was interrupting your busy Friday night, Parker. You got a keg and the rest of the meatheads stashed away somewhere?”

Without waiting for a response, Tony wanders around the living room like a curious child in a new play room. His gaze inspects everything all at once, from peering at up close at the wall mounted photos and hovering his grubby hands over the oddments and knick-knacks speckled throughout the space.

Apprehensive, Peter can’t help but shadow him, afraid he just let loose a hurricane in a china shop.

Without asking, Tony picks up May’s old Magic 8-Ball and gives it a good shake. Peter’s fingers itch to reach over and stop him, but stops himself because then that would require actually making direct skin contact the other boy.

Not worth it.

“Cannot predict now. Huh,” Tony says to himself before placing the ball back in the wrong spot. 

They both watch silently as it rolls precariously close to the edge. 

“Anyways,” Tony helps himself to an armchair, lounging back and spreading his legs wide. “I know your long-term memory is probably as defective as the rest of you, so don’t strain yourself recalling that I had other priorities.”

“Like what?”

“Like literally anything that isn’t being around you,” the other boy grins. “Now, are we doing this thing, or did you invite me over so you could bitch at me?”

“I didn’t invite you,” Peter grumbles, swiping his notebook from the dining table before sitting on the sofa, as far away from Stark as possible. Shifting, he takes his phone from his pocket and opens the notes he’d taken earlier.

“So, I cross referenced some websites and current job listings,” Peter scrolls through his research, adjusting his glasses as they slip down his nose. “Assuming you have no savings, we’re looking at an average of sixty-thousand per annum based on my salary alone. The average rent in --”

“-- Uh, why are we assuming I have no savings?”

"Because... we’re being realistic?”

Tony springs to his feet and paces across the living room.

“Well,” he says, gesturing to Peter, “if we’re being realistic, does having no savings also that mean I have no debt -- or are you paying off two student loans on your salary?”

“I don’t --”

“Do we have car loans? Health insurance?”

“Wait, slow your roll, Stark. I haven’t yet --”

“-- Of course you haven’t. I mean really, Parker, do you ever think ahead? You should try it, we do have a baby on the way, you know.” Tony clicks his fingers and points at Peter. “Oh, names! I want to call it Molly.”

“As in the drug?” 

“No, as in Ringwald. Anyhoo, seeing as only one of us has the intellectual capacity to construct a budget,” Tony gestures to himself, “that would be me, consider maybe that I spent my savings paying off my student loans and bought a car for me and Miss Molly, leaving you with just your own stagnant debt. Happy?”

“Thrilled,” he says through clenched teeth, feeling utterly steamrolled. “But we’re not calling the baby Molly.”

“Yes, we are. Think of all the great nicknames. Hey wait,” Tony pauses in his pacing, “are your parents going to be home soon?”

It was in that moment Peters world narrows down to one, botched cosmic joke.

Turning his gaze heavenwards, Peter prays silently for mercy. What did he do to deserve this. This is all his bad karma come at once. This is the bad place.

“Ah, no,” he replies, eyes widening. “No, my parents are not going to be home soon.”

“Cool. Lucky you.”

Oblivious to Peter’s existential turmoil, Tony resumes his patrol through the living room, picking up a frame on the mantle. It houses an old photo of Ben, May and a young, bespectacled Peter. 

It is one of the more embarrassing immortalisations of his younger self, eleven-years old and grinning widely, bearing his silver braces to the camera as he holds up a science fair trophy, curls wild and untamed.

Oh god. That was exactly what Peter needed on this unholy day - Tony Stark in his living room, witnessing Peter in his prepubescent glory. 

Quick, create a diversion.

“So, as I was saying,” he says loudly, “rent is reasonably affordable with a sixty-thousand budget in --”

“Who’s the babe?” Tony points to a younger Aunt May in the photo.

Peter gets to his feet and removes the frame from Tony’s grasp. He glowers as he places it back on the mantle. 

“No one you would have a chance with. Can you stay focused? Like, are you physically capable of it?”

“Okay, calm down,” Tony holds his hands up in surrender. “You’ve got a lot of anger for someone so vertically challenged, you know that, shortstack?” 

“Focus, dumbass.”

“I’m focused! Let’s see, we’ve established that I am excellent at managing my money. You have a shitty job and a shitty salary, and apparently my imaginary future self has terrible taste in men. So. Have I got that right? Where are we living?”

“Queens. LIC has some one bed, one baths that could be affordable.”

“Uh, rewind. Going to have to eighty-six that - I am not living in Queens.”

Peter stares at him.

Tony rubs his hands over his face and sighs. “Fine, whatever. But I want a Pontiac Firebird in this imaginary life if I have to deal with you.”

“For someone so keen on getting away you’re doing your best to prolong this experience. It’s literally painful.”

“Well, I just like to see you get all riled up, Princess,” Tony grins, leaning back against the mantle and folding his arms over his chest. “You have this vein that bulges on your forehead when you’re mad. Makes you look like a pitbull.”

Peter swallows the particularly acidic retort sitting on his tongue and tries not to let Tony’s words sting. Be the bigger man, Ben used to say. As difficult as it is to channel even a modicum of the mans’ eternal patience, Peter takes a deep breath and reminds himself to stay focused. The less he gets sidetracked by Tony’s fuckery, the sooner it’s over.

He mentions the next part with unease. 

“...Miss Ahn said that we need references and should do field research. Speak to realtors. Ask people who have a similar lifestyle and budget.”

The look that comes over the other boys face is one of unequivocal revulsion. Peter can relate. The thought of having to spend more time with this guy makes his stomach turn.

“Well, Parker, any bright ideas who we can ask?”

The hinges of the front door squeaks before Peter can respond.

Moments after, Aunt May walks into the living room, placing her bag down on the dining table. She looks between the two boys curiously.

“Hey, Pete,” she comes to his side to squeezes his shoulder. “Who do we have here?”

Tony rushes over with his hand outstretched, an eager grin on his face. 

“Tony Stark, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Oh, ah, okay, well,” May laughs as he enthusiastically shakes her hand. Her eyes are soft as Tony smiles brightly at her. “Nice to meet you too, Tony. I’m May, Peter’s aunt. Are you... friends with Peter?”

Peter snorts. 

“Definitely not. We just have an assignment --”

“-- Great friends, actually,” Tony talks over him, taking a seat beside Peter on the sofa. To Peter’s utter disgust, the other boy puts an arm around his shoulders, squeezing his bicep encouragingly. “Aren’t we, Pete? Hmm? Best buds. We go way back.”

Peter freezes, feeling the line of heat from Tony’s against his side, the weight of his arm on his body. 

Eyes widening, he feels his skin crawl. 

“That’s sweet,” May smiles, putting her hair up in a loose, messy bun. “Well, I don’t know about you boys, but I’m starving. I’m ordering pizza, Friday special. You should stay for dinner, Tony.”

Tony places his free hand on his chest.

“I would be honoured.”

May looks at Tony strangely before retreating to the kitchen to retrieve the menus.

As soon as she’s out of sight Tony takes his arm off Peter and quickly shifts away from him like he’s been burned. 

“Dude,” Peter whispers, bewildered. “What the fuck?”

“Oh my god,” Tony whispers, shuddering as his face scrunches up in disgust. “I’m going to have to pour scalding hot water on all the places your skin just touched me. Ugh, I feel like I just touched toe fungus.”

Peter slaps his arm.

“What is wrong with you?”

Tony backhands Peter’s arm in retaliation and then shudders all over again.

“Your aunt is crazy hot, okay, I couldn’t help myself. It was an instinctual reaction. Is she taken? C’mon. Vindicate me.” 

“I’ll eviscerate you --”

“-- I mean, clearly she married into the family, she doesn’t share your unfortunate phenotype, but I didn’t see a ring on her finger. So? Yes or no?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Peter hisses as his aunt comes back in. “She’s not available to you. Not now, not ever.”

“But she is available?”

“Don’t even, Stark. You’re like, sixteen. Don’t you have any shame?”

Tony smiles, as she nears. “Not a shred.”

“So,” May waves a menu at them. “You boys happy with pepperoni?”

Closing his eyes, Peter wishes for death.

As fate would have it, he gets pepperoni instead.

-----

If you had ever told Peter that he would be sitting down for dinner with his Aunt and a dirt-streaked Tony Stark, he would have laughed.

And if Peter were outside himself he would probably find the sharing of pizza and soda over their plastic, chequered table-cloth comical -- in that uncanny, Dogs Playing Poker kind of way. But in reality there was nothing funny about the discomfort of having Tony in his personal space or the heavy, suffocating tension that has removed the air from the room. 

The entire time Tony has been hamming it up, cracking jokes with his aunt, complimenting her on the decor, asking what she does for work. Peter doesn’t know if he’s being sweet to May for the purpose of buttering her up, or, given the wealth of his family in contrast to the Parkers, if he’s being cruelly facetious. 

Nonetheless, Peter has felt on edge. It’s disconcerting, is what it is. Every single movement Tony makes, every time he opens his mouth -- frequently to sweet-talk his aunt -- has Peter’s anxiety standing at attention, hyperaware of everything the other boy does.

He’s beginning to feel like a meerkat whose den has been invaded by a lion.

Through the course of a single meal Peter’s attention moves from the sky to the floor. There is no grace or higher power that is coming to save him from this profound, unusual torture. 

So he focuses his hopes to the south, seeing through their tiny, cramped, dinner table, past bargaining. He’s willing to trade his soul to end it all. Surely some wayward being from hell would come to his rescue. 

May has Peter’s chin between her fingers. She turns it this way and that, inspecting his injuries.

“What happened this time, bubby?” She frowns, brow furrowing. “You look like you got beat up.”

Peter, very aware of Tony’s amused gaze on them, gently pulls away from her grasp. He smiles placatingly and picks at his pizza slice. God he’s never going to live this down.

“Training accident. It’s okay, I feel fine. ‘Tis but a scratch,” he brings himself to joke.

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

She leans in to kiss his cheek, carefully avoiding the fresh scabs and injured flesh. “God, you bruise like a peach. Be careful, baby, you’re our money maker,” she laughs. “What about you Tony, do you play football?”

Tony, who is mid way through chewing on a mouthful of pizza, momentarily chokes, beating his chest with his fist to swallow down the obstruction.

“Uh, no,” Tony gulps, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Nope. No recreational sports for me. Can’t.” He gestures to his chest and sighs heavily. “Asthma.”

Peter sips his coke and rolls his eyes, knowing full well there’s a half-empty pack of Marlboro Light’s in the pocket of Tony’s jeans. Asthma. What a schmuck.

“That’s a shame. Do you boys have classes together?”

Unfortunately, Peter thinks.

The other boy seems to have the same thought, as he glares at Peter from over the table. When he picks up his can of coke, he gives Peter the finger outside of May’s eye-line.

“That’s why Tony’s here,” Peter twists his napkin in his grip. “We have an econ assignment together on microeconomics. Teach says Tony’s destined to be on welfare.”

Tony leans in, chin rested on his hand. He addresses May but his stare, dark and odious, rests on Peter.

“Not accurate. Stay-at-home parent, actually. One might say that is the most important job of all. Wouldn’t you agree, May?”

She raises her Coke.

“Hear, hear.”

Tony grins roguishly, the same grin he gave the girls at the lockers earlier. “Petey here was just saying that we should ask you about your experience running a household on a single salary. We’d love to have you as a reference.”

“Was I saying that?” Peter narrows his eyes. “I can’t remember.”

Tony kicks him under the table. The hit lands right in his knee cap.

Wincing, Peter kicks back, satisfied when the other boy bites his lip to hold back a pained groan.

“Yeah, well, not surprising,” Tony says airily, waving his hand. “Hit your head today, didn’t you? Maybe you should get all that damage looked into.”

The napkin rips in Peter’s grasp.

“Maybe you should go f--”

“I’d be more than happy to help with your assignment, boys,” May cuts in.

Whatever snide reply he has in his mouth instantly wilts when he looks over to his Aunt. She looks...pleased. Delighted, almost. Her eyes under the dull, yellow kitchen light seem to get warmer, and her smile is small but softens around the edges.

Instantly, Peter feels like the worst person in the world. Of course May would be the best person to ask. She does so much for him, the least he can do is set his pride aside for one moment to make her feel good about how hard she works for their life.

He reaches over to squeeze her hand, smiling as gratitude swells unexpectedly in his chest.

“Thanks, May. That would be great.”

Across the table, a smug Tony looks like the cat who got the cream. 

Without warning, Peter’s chest goes hot with contempt, his fingernails dig into his palm. He’s not sure he’s ever met anyone he couldn’t like, until now.

I hate you, Peter mouths while May busies herself with rounding up the pizza boxes.

Kiss my ass, Tony mouths back. 

In an instant his expression flips from contemptuous to angelic when he stands and offers to help May clean up.

Peter stands too, sparing a disdainful glance to the floor. Turns out not even the devil was willing to give him a hand.

Natasha was right. It’s going to end in murder.

---

Peter walks Tony to the door after dinner to say goodbye to his ‘friend’. Following him into the hall, Peter closes the door behind them.

“What do you want, Parker?” Tony asks wearily, retrieving a cigarette from his pocket. “I’m trying to make a getaway here.”

Peter crosses his arms over his chest. “Don’t do that with my aunt. I’m not joking, asshole. It’s not cool.”

“Relax, princess,” Tony rolls his eyes, fishing for his lighter in his backpack. “I’m not actually interested. Just trying to get under your skin. Worked, see? You’re easy like that. Hey, why do you live with your aunt anyways?”

“None of your business,” he frowns as Tony holds one hand up in surrender and lights his cigarette with the other. “Dude, you can’t smoke in here.”

“Can’t, shouldn’t, gonna. By the way, you’ve got sauce on your chin, it’s very distracting.”

Peter wipes at it without thinking. When he pulls it away there is indeed a smear of red sauce on his hand.

Tony walks backwards down the hall and exhales a cloud of smoke, waving in a sardonic imitation of a farewell.

“See you Monday, bubby.”

Peter doesn’t bother with a response, too tired from the week, exhausted by this whole darn day, and it’s not like the other boy cares what he has to say anyway. He takes a moment to swallow his anger before he heads back inside, sighing. 

Well, at least he has an entire weekend free of Stark to look forward to.

May looks at him curiously when he reemerges, but says nothing. He considers for a moment about heading to his bedroom and playing a video game to disassociate - but then, suddenly, remembers her smile earlier, and how alone she looks now. A surge of affection hits him right beneath his breastbone.

He checks his watch and then catches her eye.  Tilting his head towards the living room, he says, “Hey. You wanna eat some ice cream and watch some Colbert before bed?”

She smiles just like she did earlier and kisses his cheek. “Sounds nice, Pete.”

Maybe the whole day wasn’t lost.

As May heads to the sofa and switches the TV on, Peter catches sight of the Magic 8-Ball from the corner of his eye. He walks over and gives it a shake.

Outlook good.

*

*

----

tagging: @bylerboyfriends @ravens-starker-stuff, @starker-rays, @ironspiderstarker, @notfor-temporaryuse, @tabbycat1220, @sugarfreecult, @rebel13lion39, @muse-of-gods

#starker #ironspider #high school au #enemies to lovers

[adhd-wifi]

MDZS Modern AU Fic Tips (Living in China)

So I asked a while back if anyone was interested in some fic tips for writing Chinese modern AUs, and y’all seemed enthusiastic. But…when I tried putting it all in a single post it got…really…really long…

So I split them into a bunch of posts (Yes I copy-pasted this intro on all of them because I’m lazy)! Here are the links:

Names & Stuff

Modern Chinese Cultural Stuff

Superstitions & Beliefs

Festivals 

Living in China (You are here)

Anyways, these are based off my experiences living in Singapore and China, and I hope these posts are helpful. On to it.

Living in China

Disclaimer: I mostly lived in Singapore during my existence, and thus I can’t give you extremely detailed info of what it’s like exactly, but I do visit my Chinese relatives fairly frequently, so these are general tips. Also, please keep in mind that the info here is biased towards life in Dalian & Harbin. I’ve been to Beijing but only twice so I don’t remember a lot. 

The currency in China is RMB, or “yuan”. 100 RMB is about $14 USD, and not considered a lot of money

Side Note: The above tip is also another reason why you shouldn’t ever write A-Yuan’s name as just “Yuan”. It makes him look like the local currency djsasldkj

Coin values are (with comparison to US currency): 

1 yuan (like a dollar) 

5 jiao (Half-yuan - 50 cents)

1 jiao (1/10 yuan - 10 cents)

5 fen (0.05 yuan - 5 cents)

1 fen (0.01 -  basically a penny)

Also related to money, in more urban areas, people don’t really carry cash or even cards around anymore. Practically everything is paid electronically, through WeChat Pay and other cash/bank apps, typically using QR codes on phones. You’ll have a hard time as a foreigner if you don’t have any of those apps in these areas (AKA me when I forget to re-download them before heading to China)

The exceptions to this would be places where tourists and foreigners are very frequent, such as hotels, airports, tourist buildings, universities (though my cousin’s old uni recently went full electronic payment I think???) etc, and more rural areas

Some Chinese social media and stuff:

BaiDu 百度 - Basically Chinese Google. We also use it the way we use “google” as a verb, saying 百度一下 (bǎi dù yī xià) - “Let me BaiDu it”

WeChat - Very similar to Whatsapp in general, also used for money purposes with WeChat Pay

QQ Mail - The most frequently used email platform in China. QQ Mail also has an Instant Messenger last time I checked. Also, I think QQ still uses number-based IDs, so the address would look something like: ([email protected]). Hotmail is fairly common in China too, particularly with those who need have to send international emails

YouKu 优酷 - The most popular video hosting site (most similar to YouTube out of the many video sites)

bilibili 哔哩哔哩 (yes, small caps) - Another video site well-known for animations, games, and comics especially

TaoBao 淘宝 - Cosplayers would probably know this. Something like a Chinese Amazon or Lazada.

WeiBo 微博 - Main Chinese social media platform. Feels like a FaceBook + Twitter fusion

LOFTER - Feels like a Chinese Tumblr

Even in urban areas, it’s easy to find entire streets of literally nothing but restaurants by the main roads (+ maybe a stationary shop, salon, or something in a corner, and you can often drive right up to the front door and park right there (in more populated areas and/or near malls/attractions, there will likely be extra open parking space nearby such restaurant streets)

Some larger restaurants, especially those with seafood specialties, don’t have actual booklet menus. Instead they have a wide selection of fresh ingredients (wrapped up safely in layers saran wrap) such as vegetables, cuts of meat, and tanks of living fish/shellfish/crustaceans near the entrance. They tend to have a list of dishes you can order by the corresponding ingredients, or a server nearby to tell you and take your orders. Apparently this is more common in the North.

You don’t tip in restaurants in China. You COULD slip a particular server or two some cash if you wanted to, but as an overall system tipping does not exist and also it’s not “one server one table”. It’s “whoever’s available to serve you IN THAT MOMENT will serve you” so you’ll likely see at least three different servers throughout your meal. Please. Stop with the “Hi I’ll be your server today” in China-set fics. It’s SOOOOO WEIRD.

I’ve never studied in China, but I checked this guide with my Chinese cousin and it’s pretty accurate about the educational system there

Speaking of schools, you wear uniforms up to Upper Secondary (some to Post-Secondary). As typical gender-conformity strikes again, girls will wear skirts and boys will wear pants. The exception is during the colder months, in which everyone will basically just wear full body tracksuits (school-issued) to school and it’s their uniform for the whole day. This is particularly common in schools with low or no heating systems, especially in more rural areas

Drivers sit on the left side of their vehicle in China. Typically, any foreign cars (such as from Hong Kong - which would have the driver on the right) will need a mainland license plate. (This might be changing in recent times though.) 

I don’t know much about the healthcare systems in China anymore, I was hospitalized once at 3 or 4 and don’t remember much, but in general basic healthcare from public hospitals is low-cost to free (depending on the region) for Chinese citizens with their basic insurance plans (individual and employee provided). You get charged (more) for hospitalization and more serious treatments like surgeries, physical/mental therapy, vaccinations (this is a pro-vax blog btw, just saying), and maybe dental. Most of these can be covered by insurance too though. If you go to a private hospital, it’s considerably more expensive of course. 

Okay that’s all the info I can think of to be potentially useful in fics lol. 

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #cql #chen qing ling #the untamed #chinese things #chinese fic tips #fic tips #modern au #my posts

[atlafan]

a bit of a personal question but how did you and your bc decide to get a house? and what was the process like? I want to get a house in a couple of years and know like 2 people who’ve bought houses lol

so, we had been dating/living together for a couple of years, and I was sick of needing quarters to do laundry, and we knew we wanted to get a dog at some point. Our two bedroom apt was only $950 a month, so we were able to save up a lot, and we both had been putting money into our savings. Like I went from being a broke college student to doing pretty okay. and my bf works a lot over overtime.

We had a realtor at first, but I honestly couldn’t stand her. We almost bought this other house and I felt super pressured by her, so we dropped her. We waited a few months, and then I kept looking on realtor. Zillow is okay but it’s not updated as frequently as realtor. When I saw the house we have now listed, I contact the listing agent directly, and we just used her as our realtor which worked way better. I loved the house right away. We came back the following week with my bf’s parents to get a second opinion and they lied it too. So we put an offer in. It got rejected at first, the people were asking for way too much. I cried like a baby. Then a week later they came down a little and we accepted. You should get preapproved by the bank first. You can pretty much go to any bank you want to go to. Do some research on interest percentages, we bought in the winter so our date was really low. The bank will run a credit check, so don’t buy a car like the week before you go to the bank, or at any period during the home buying process. They’ll look at your taxes and income, and then they’ll tell you how much you can borrow.

Rule of thumb is to put down 20%. That’s obviously very hard to do. My bf and I were only able to put down about 13-15%, I can’t quite remember. So we pay a PMI on top of everything, that’s mortgage insurance. You pay that for about ten or so years, or however long it takes to reach that 20%, then your rate goes down a little.

Also, you’ll want to check property tax prices. I live in an area that doesn’t have commercial real estate, so our taxes are on the higher end. Your property taxes get tacked onto your monthly payments as well. So technically our mortgage is only like $900 a month, but we pay like $1600 a month altogether because of the PMI and the taxes and home insurance. You’ll want to figure out who you want your home insurance is going through as well. That’s another thing you pay for monthly. My bf had progressive for his auto so he just bundled, but you can shop around.

I highly suggest buying in the late fall/early winter. There’s less competition for bidders. If our house had been on the market in the summer we never would have gotten it. It’s a sellers market rn so you sort of have to act fast, which adds a lot of pressure. Be prepared to haggle a bit.

Now, if your offer gets accepted, you usually have two weeks to get your inspections done. GET YOUR HOME INSPECTED! We have a well and a septic system, as opposed to town water/sewer, so a septic inspector came one day, and the home inspector came another. The realtor usually gives you a list of people to call. We had an excellent home inspector, and my dad came too which was really helpful because he’s an electrician. Our roof was 30 years old, so we had a roofer come and give us an estimate on how much it would be to replace. So after going through the inspections, that’s where you can ask for more money. We asked for another few thousand off and for help with closing costs since the roof was leaking into the attic. That got accepted. From there, you set a closing date with the bank. You get your keys on that day, and you and the sellers sign a ton of paperwork! It was scary, but exciting.

Put a must have list and a wishlist together. Since we live in NH a garage was a must have. So was a dishwasher. We have a small en suite, but that wasn’t a must, it was a perk for us. Don’t compromise on certain things. However, don’t be afraid to paint or do cosmetic stuff. All of that can be done so easily. Like, I called a locksmith right away to change all of the locks and we got the roof taken care of almost immediately as well. Those were things we budgeted for. Budget is really important.

That’s all I can think of for now. I hope this helped!

#home buying

[being-worthy]

Sunday Home Cinema: Army of the Dead!!

I haven't done one of these reviews in a long time (thanks to Covid-19 ¬¬) but I'm glad this film was the one to get me back in doing these reviews.

Honestly, I found out about the film about two weeks ago when I clicked on it on YouTube out of curiosity. It looked good and I'm an all big fan of zombie films and series and every zombie-themed film/series, even if it's extremely bad made (e.g. Z Nation but it's so funny to watch).

Sorry for any mistakes or things that make not much sense but I'm writing this at 2.30am and I just wanted to write this down while it's still fresh (I might review it later on if I feel like it).

> SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!! <

Apparently, Zack Snyder's Army of the Dead (here's the trailer), which can be watched on Netflix, is the prequel of Dawn of the Dead from 2004 also directed by him, which was a remake of the George A. Romero classic. I've got a hard time seeing this due to the zombies being so different but well, let's just roll with it.

Scott Ward (played by Dave Bautista) is offered/hired for $50 million by Bly Tanaka (villain/businessman played by Hiroyuki Sanada) to break into a walled Las Vegas after it was overrun by a zombie outbreak starting at the outskirts of the city with patient zero aka alpha zombie Zeus (more to the different zombie types later on) to "apparently" retrieve $200 million that is stashed in a safe at the casino's basement. Basically, it's like Ocean's Eleven but with zombies giving the film a nice touch.

I knew from the moment Tanaka offered Scott this job that there was going to be more to it. Why else would a stinking rich guy like Tanaka need to have a group to retrieve some money when: a. the insurance paid him some of that money back. I know he mentions he can't use it but come on, people like him know how to find either a way around whatever rule there might be or even wash it. And b. he looks like a guy who understands how business works and is well off, so you're telling me he wants to send a group there just for $200 million? B*tch please, I'm sure that's just petty cash to him, and there's surely more to it, especially after one of his goons (Martin) "invites" himself to tag along with the group to "make sure" they get the job done.

If I was offered that kind of money to go to a completely sealed city ruled by zombies, I wouldn't accept it no matter how bad my situation might be. The probability that something might go sideways is too high not to mention the risk that the virus spreads out to the rest of the world, I wouldn’t be able to live with that on my conscience.

In order to pull off this heist Scott assembles a team for the mission:

Vanderohe, the tank and chainsaw man. There'll be a little paragraph for him since his fate doesn't make entirely sense to me.

Marianne Peters, the pilot.

Maria Cruz, the mechanic.

Kate Ward, a volunteer in the quarantine zone. She's Scott's daughter and the only (human) survivor in the film.

Geeta, the mother. She ventures into the zombie-infested Vegas to find money in order to pay for safe passage out of the quarantine zone for herself and her children. I believe she dies in the helicopter crash but we don't see her body, so she might be alive somewhat?

Ludwig Dieter, the thief/safe expert, and I love how he questions everything lol!

Lilly "The Coyote", "the one who knows her stuff" aka zombie expert. Somehow interesting that she's got a conscience/good heart.

Martin, the inside man, and Bly Tanaka's right hand and got the death he deserved by kitten Valentine.

Mikey Guzman, the Sharpshooter and a YouTuber.

Chambers, the muscles and Guzman's sidekick (sort of). Her death was very predictable and her own fault! Girl, why the hell would you tell Martin that you don't trust him directly to his face?! That's such a rookie mistake!!

Burt Cummings, also the muscle for like 5 minutes before turning into the bait/bargain chip for a "deal" with the zombies in order to pass their territory. Overall, he's just a big jerk.

We see the first five people are survivors of the outbreak when Vegas was "freshly" being overrun by zombies and barely made it out of the city before it was completely sealed off. The rest of them are new characters. Almost none of them have any deep character story/feeling/development, most of them are quite plain and you don't care whether they survive or not. I've got also a hard time seeing any father-daughter relationship between Scott and Kate. I get that they haven't talked to each other since Scott had to put down Kate's mother after she got turned into a zombie but if I hadn’t seen the beginning I'd say they're just two strangers who met during the outbreak and he saved her at some point.

I very much like the fact that they introduce different types of zombies! On one hand, we've got the standard zombies aka shamblers who move slowly and are dead if you blow their brains out and if they bite you you become a shambler too. Then, there are the alphas who are fast (so fast that they can dodge bullets), they can also think, take orders, and are very organised. If you're bitten by one you become an alpha too but they also die if they're shot in the head which is easier said than done! We've also got a zombie horse, that's more bone than anything else, and a big tiger kitten called Valentine who used to be part of Siegfried & Roy's show (which also throws in the question, during which year is this movie set? They've both already passed away and they haven’t been retired from the entertainment world for a while before they passed away, and we see Tanaka carrying a modern mobile, so it must be during the past 2-3 our years.)

Their leader is patient zero aka Zeus who we see at the beginning being transported by a convoy of soldiers from Area 51 to somewhere else but never makes it there because he breaks free due to part of the convoy crashing into a car of a recent married (while the guy gets a blowjob and doesn’t watch the road!). He also takes the Bride as his queen (later on she's beheaded and her head still alive), who we see to be pregnant!! HOLY COW!! This throws in sooo many questions! For instance, how do zombies reproduce? The same way as we humans? What will the baby look like? Full zombie? A hybrid, half-human half-zombie? What power would they have? Do I even want to know or see this? Probably. Probably not. How many times did I wish they'd have introduced something like this in TWD (before I stopped watching it). At some point the virus that makes people zombies is supposed to mutate, every virus mutates at some point. We did already see a zombie baby in Dawn of the Dead but that was different since the woman was already in the late stages of pregnancy when she got bit. This one was one that was produced from zombie sex. I’ve got a feeling that their sex must be quite violent to say the least. Also, they way how the care for each other, especially Zeus for his Bride and child and seeks vengeance for both their deaths showing they’re capable of feeling and caring for their people. Maybe, just maybe want to find a way to survive without having to turn people but I think they’ll still need humans as a source of food. I don’t think they’re capable to live from eating normal food.

I've to make a special mention about Vanderohe. Besides, the fact that he's very attractive, there are a few things that don't make entirely sense to me.

He survives the nuclear blast of Las Vegas since he was looked inside the safe, which I can see being possible but (a little more possible than Indiana Jones seeking shelter in an old-fashioned fridge from a nuclear blast in Indiana Jones and Kingdom of Crystal Skull)... the whole city was nuked! And I mean big smoke of mushroom nuke! So, shouldn't the place, I don't know, be radioactive or something like that? And shouldn’t he find the nearest decontamination shower? Furthermore, it doesn't make sense that he gets infected, i.e. bitten. He gets into a fight with Zeus while they're in front of the safe and I watched that part several times and in slow motion too and we don't see Zeus bit him. There's one time where Zeus almost bites him but his teeth don't end up sinking into the flesh. He has Van in his hold, dislocates his right shoulder, and almost bites him there but only almost! In that same moment, Dieter hits Zeus in the head and pulls Van into the safe closing the door behind him (and most likely gets killed/turned by Zeus). I repeat there's no "visible" scene of Van being bitten by Zeus or any other zombie in another scene. So, where the f*ck did he get the bite and from who? I've also read that there's a theory of Van being immune because he's not turning as quick as the soldiers at the beginning of the movie when Zeus escapes the convoy (he still might be able to infect others though). He starts to feel lightheaded/dizzy and his body feels cold to the touch on the plane, and around the bite we see the veins turning black but that's it.

As much as I love the concept of the movie, it's very predictable as well as easy to figure out who makes it out alive and who makes it out the other kind of "alive" and it also reminded me a bit of Resident Evil (the first film was good and the rest just a waste). Tanaka wanting a fresh sample of an Alpha to make a virus that enables him to create an army of zombies he can control and take over the world. He could be Wesker's twin and his company the equivalent of the Umbrella Corporation. It's worth to watch but it doesn't compare to other zombie films such as 28 Days Later or even Dawn of the Dead (the classic and newer version), and many others.

#army of the dead #zack snyder #netflix #netflix original #sunday home cinema #honest review #film night #movie night #the ending makes no sense

[yyxgin]

i think what bugged me the most is i could say ‘they’re literal depression pills/they made me depressed’ and could reel off the side effect word for word (1/10 will experience mood swings (sometimes in the form of depression)) which was literally the first fricking side effect listed and the most common and she would still refer to it as me being sad literally seconds later in a convo. okay i never went to the doctor but when it occurred to me that, hey, something isn’t right, we were in the middle of a fucking pandemic!! i mean, we still are, but you get the point. this was right at the beginning when they basically closed everything as well so even if i wanted to i wouldn’t have been able to go see someone about it. but it’s whatever now, i don’t take them and i don’t have to give her any advice about them ✌️ i completely get the lack of validity about your emotions. that’s exactly how i felt.

i work so im not bothered about seeing people as i see them enough by my standards already but there is a helpful little voice in the back of my head reminding me that i still need to see my friends!! from before i got a job lol. i worked like 55 hours? my first proper week when i wasn’t on reduced hours and now i work maybe 30? which annoys me so i’m gonna ask for more bc i wanna buy a car and insurance. you still go to school, right? i feel like you’re more stressed about work considering you’re studying too. or were. have you just broken up from school? i don’t study, thank fuck, anymore, so i can do full time but i always get put on evenings so i’m thinking of getting a 9 to 5 bc then i can get the money i need.

a woman was rude to me bc her takeaway wasn’t ready bang on the clock when she turned up to pick it up. man it took literally every fibre in my being not to tell her to fucking leave me alone bc i’m a waitress?? what does she expect me to do??? i found out after but apparently our website tells you to allow a 15 minute slot when you order takeaway to pick up. i checked on this woman’s takeaway and told her it’d be ready in 10 minutes and she said sumn along the lines of ‘so 10 past 8?’. imma tell you straight i wasn’t looking at my phone so i assumed that meant the time was 8pm! (it wasn’t) she said to me ‘and i assume you’ll be knocking money off of the bill for that?’ and i politely replied ‘i can’t do that.’ bc i literally cannot. has to be a managerial figure. bearing in mind she’s already paid in full online???????? n she replies ‘do you wanna go suggest that?’ and nods towards the kitchen and i said no and walked off. the AUDACITY??? anyway i told my manager and she rolled her eyes and was like we don’t do partial refunds and said she’d talk to the woman when her order was ready. this woman was all up in my face saying ‘do you think that’s a reasonable time?’ asking if she should come back at 8:10 and im like idfk?? i have things to be doing can you fuck off?? no i didn’t say that but she says ‘i’ve got kids in the car with the engine running’ and i deadpanned ‘i didn’t tell you to leave your kids in the car with the engine running’ bc it was the first thing my brain thought of that wasn’t ‘sounds like a you problem to me’. in the end she left and came back but when she came back she was properly shouting at another waitress i work with and the girl was like 😄 your food was ready 20 minutes ago but you didn’t leave your details to be able to ring you to tell you it’s ready. she even re-mentioned the kids in the car saying they were starving and it was all our fault and the girl was like hmm okay. and then the woman said she was gonna leave a bad review on trip advisor!! and the waitress was like 😃 you do that bestie!! another great day on the grind :D (i forgot to say we were swamped on saturday so that’s why everything was so busy but she was literally the only one complaining that bad, like literally everyone could see we were struggling but they also were saying to wait staff things like ‘i know you can’t make things go quicker back there’ while we were apologising for the phat delay on their food).

another funny one (that made the barman laugh when i told it to him) was a grandma and a grandson in my section. the grandma was dictating his life jesus 😭 (not important but made me go 😳) but one of the girls cleared the table partially when i was doing sumn else so i finished it off and when we get back to kp she tells me the grandma complained the food was cold and without hesitation i said ‘well she fucking ate it all so tell her to fuck off and talk to someone who gives a shit’. she went quiet and i was like,, man i hope i didn’t scare her. but like. they cleared their plates. there was no food left. she didn’t call someone over. she didn’t say anything to anyone when they ask if it was okay. why wait until the end?? anyway i told thé barman and he giggled (he’s got a lovely laugh in my opinion bc it sounds like he’s snickering at everything). i was NOT going to tell my manager bc there’s literally no point. same day, later on, a man said his mussels were cold, i took them back and the kitchen cooked them again. i’d barely put the food down before he called me over (this one is a good one bc he hasn’t eaten EVERYTHING before complaining and therefore we can do something about the problem‼️) respect to that guy.

one of the girls gave me a lift home last night n the barman directed her right to my house without ever having been to my house before (his cousin used to live in the flats down the other end, he says) and when i messaged her later on thanking her and saying it was a bit sus that he directed her perfectly to mine n she said ‘hmm ben seems to go to yours more than he does his own home 🤔🤔🤔🤔’ bc apparently he was absolute shite at giving directions to his flat 😭 n e way he’s a sweetheart n he says he doesn’t like christmas anymore n he made me sad after he said that n i said i’d post coal through his letter box n he said i might as well n i was like okay this is an actual problem n now i’m gone be super nice to him at christmas bc he deserves so much more that the hand he’s been dealt. this convo happened after i let him try this herbal tea he said smelt nice n i said it tasted like christmas to me. he’s such a good person (despite literally everything he tells me about his past) n i cannot have him being a little humbug. god i think this crush i joked to you about is becoming a soft core friendship. like every fucking wattpad story out there. me n the girls agreed someone has to love him 🥺

okay im signing off now ily ~ 🌻

 i am glad you are feeling better though, nobody deserves to suffer. and nobody deserves to have their emotions invalidated. remember that your emotions matter at all times. <3

yesyes i am still in school !! altough my summer break started on july 1st so i am not that stressed about managing many things at once anymore hh,, also you are working so much ??? damn ?? please remember to take some breaks and relax !! and meet your friends !!! have fun. i know you are saving up money but please dont overwork yourself !

wHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE OH MY GOD I SWEAR,,, i learned that while working with people. i just,, it feels like they are all looking down on me just because i am young and work there part-time. like bro,,chill. also i feel kind of bad when they ask me where stuff is and i cant tell them bc i have no idea but at the same time if people were all introverts like me i wouldnt have this problem. :) dfjk jk jk i should improve on that. i wish people were more nice to you !!! who do they think they are ?? like,,,,,why are you rude. this is clearly not your problem.

i like it when people tell you respectfully. like the guy you mentioned. because clearly what are you going to do about the cold food when they’ve eaten it all. where’s the logic. 

IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS OVER AT YOURS EVERY OTHER DAY DFJAKL that’s so funny. also i am bad at giving directions to my flat as well lmaoo poor ladies that drive me home from work sometimes. also i hate christmas as well lmaoo i feel that boy. its a little hard for me and i hope he doesn’t feel as bad during christmas this year when he has you around hihi,,, i fully stan this friendship. altough i am a big fan of friends to lovers if you know what i mean. in the energy of wattpad :))

ily !!!

#you can guess my mental stability by how quick i respond to asks #anyways #💌ask #🌻 anon

[unsettledink]

Back in the days of LJ, I used to try and do a post at the end of each year, looking back primarily at fandom and fic. I fell out of the habit when everything moved to tumblr, and then it seemed like I didn’t have anything to say since I wasn’t writing or really participating any. 

But I always liked the idea of it, because I love to be overly reflective on stuff. And talk about my fic. Any excuse! I shuffled around some of the topics I used back then and added a few I’ve seen around that I liked. It got… long, because I TALK, so I split into two sections. 

*

Your main fandom of the year? 

    Marvel (MCU) for sure. Primarily with characters from Spider-Man and Iron Man movies.

Your favorite film watched this year?

    The Old Guard - I saw a couple trailers and everything about it looked like catnip. ‘It’s probably going to be so dumb, but I don’t even care,’ I thought. And then it was so good. It was so much fun and so much smarter than I expected and I loved each and every character and it just made me happy in so many ways.

Your favorite book read this year?

    Red, White, and Royal Blue, Casey McQuiston - I read it twice this year actually. It’s so… cute isn’t the right world. Sweet and hopeful and soft and comforting and intense. I liked every single character which is pretty rare. I cried during the sad parts and then again at the happy ending, like straight up sobbed - both times. I already want to read it again.

Your favorite tv show watched this year?

    Schitt’s Creek - I started it on a whim and because a lot of people had said it was good. The episodes were short so it wasn’t a huge time investment. The first season was a little rough, but there were enough funny moments that I hung on, and then… I kept getting fonder and fonder of these idiots as they grew. And THEN… it kept not disappointing me? 

     You grow to expect certain scripts, twists, jokes, especially in queer story lines. To wait for the bad thing to happen, because it always does. Instead, Schitt’s Creek kept going, ‘hey, here’s the set up for that! Guess what? We’re not doing it. Here’s the happy version instead.’ The relief of having that happen again and again - the last season I’ve watched (I’m sort of saving 6) I cried a bunch but it was always because I was happy. 

Your favorite album or song to listen to this year?

    1896 - I’ve been waiting for the new Steam Powered Giraffe album so eagerly for aaaaaages. Finally getting recordings of Zero’s songs! Lying Awake remains my favorite off the album, with Eat Your Heart and Bad Days on the Horizon high up there as well. I’m loving what Zero brings to the band.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?

    I don’t know if I really did discover that much? I stuck pretty closely to old fandoms and the ones I picked up in 2019. Maybe Zodiac? It was definitely inspiring, and I want to write and read more in it. 

    Maybe the couple discords I joined? I still really dislike discord and am not on there much, and mostly lurk when I am, but having somewhere vaguely like the comms I remember makes me feel a little less isolated. It’s the potential, that maybe if I said something I might make a friend, or someone might actually want to hear what I say. 

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?

    The Watch - I mean, I knew it was going to be a disaster with every word said during pre production. I wasn’t ever going to be happy with it. And then it came out and was even worse and uglier and … disrespectful not just of the source material but of actual people connected to Terry. I’m beyond disappointed that this is what we got, and it’s probably going to be a long time before we get anything else. 

    Devil All the Time was terrible, but I didn’t have especially high hopes. It still didn’t manage to meet them. Yikes.

The most missed of your old fandoms?

    Maybe MASH? Someone I follow started talking about it and I was reminded all over again of the wonderful fics in that fandom. I went looking and a lot are gone (still on my computer, lol, but not online), but rereading was such a trip. A slightly depressing trip, but still. 

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?

    Hmm. I’ve kind of not had the energy to invest in other fandoms at the moment? When The Witcher was having it’s big moment back in January, I had a feeling I might enjoy it enough to fall headfirst into the fandom, so I avoided watching it. Ikr? I don’t have the time or the energy to actively seek anything out. 

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?

    SO EXCITED about Winter’s Orbit. I mean, the third Spider-Man movie for sure, with worry. The second Venom movie, ugh yes. I have tentative hopes for Jungle Cruise? Jumanji was stellar and I always enjoy Dwayne. I have both hope and dread for the new Suicide Squad - I did love Birds of Prey, so if it’s along those lines, yay. The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard because it should be some fun garbage, my favorite kind. I don’t know how I feel about Dune, but, uh, I’m anticipating it. It seems highly unlikely it will actually happen, but The Wheel of Time TV series. 

I want to be excited about Black Widow but it’s hard. It’s not the story I’ve been wanting to see, and I’m angry about Natasha not getting a movie until she’s dead.

You know. If any of it is released for real.

The Good: 

I moved to a better place. I got a better paying, better benefits, better environment job that lets me work from home. The house acquired 3-7 more cats depending on the month. I was able to get some serious problems on my car fixed. I have insurance and was able to start on some health stuff. No one I know got sick or died. I wrote a LOT.

The Bad: 

Aside from the obvious? Depression hitting extra hard during the winter. Having to put two kittens to sleep. Have my car be hit three times in our parking lot. Being driven INSANE by one of the cats for months while the vets were all closed. Kidney stone. Dealing with several health problems. Stalling for months on Gotcha.

The Indifferent: 

Not leaving the house often or easily. Enjoying a new fandom but not doing great at making connections (still real awkward, bud). Raising kittens and saying goodbye. Need new tires. Reading a lot of fic but not a lot of books. Having more pay but more expenses as well (wth insurance??). 

*

2020 fic stats

Number of stories: 39

Number of fandoms: 6? Or 2, if you cluster the others under mcu

Total number of words: 152049

Average word count per story: 4kish

Longest fic: Causality (18k, P/Q)

Shortest fic: Can’t, Won’t (1k, P/Q)

Most comments received: Sieche (49, T/P)

Fandom you wrote the most of: MCU Spider-Man - I only wrote TWO fics that didn’t feature that fandom, wow. And one of those was still MCU.

Fandom you wrote the least of: Zodiac (1!)

Events you participated in: Marvel Trumps Hate, Kinktober, IornspidersGeorg Exchange, Starker Festivals Exchange, MCU Secret Santa, Spiderio Big Bang

*

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

    SO MUCH MORE OMG. I mean, even just counting posted stuff! (I probably wrote a solid 300k of Gotcha this year.) I did not expect or plan on doing Kinktober, so that’s a whole 31 fics right there. I also wasn’t planning on doing any exchanges - I have a History - but then I did three? And beyond that, I did not expect for everything to get so LONG.

Topic you wrote that you would never have predicted in January:

    Tony/Quentin. Goddammit @the-me09 They were like hey, they could be interesting! And while I agreed, I had no ideas for them. THEN they had to go and write Just Bodies That Collide and next thing I know, I’ve got ten fics featuring them and two-six series focused on them or Peter/Quentin/Tony. What the fuck. 

Leitmotif of the year:

    Vulnerability, I think. I had a bunch of things typed up and they all circle back to vulnerability in the end; sex, being seen, being wanted, sharing trauma, asking for help, trying something new. Offering a soft spot in the hopes it won’t be hurt. 

Favorite character to write about: 

    Tony Stark, for sure. There are just a bunch of slightly different takes, and a lot of canon to work with (kind of frustrating too though). And I’m a sucker for emotionally damaged snarky traumatized characters that are viewed poorly both in universe and out. 

Favorite kind of fic to write:

    This year? Fluff and smut combined. Maybe that’s not the right term really. I keep looking for and writing, even in the angstiest fics, for those soft moments. Sure, maybe it’s a super smutty kink scene, but I want the affection to be obvious. Maybe everyone is consumed by guilt, but I want it to be based in caring too much. Maybe there’s no real love, just sex and even that’s messed up, but I want to find that tiny bit of fondness. 

    And I want happy endings. Or endings that look like they’re going to be happy, at least, even if there’s all the angst first. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone this year? Who AM I? 

Biggest disappointment:

    Not finishing the rough draft of Gotcha. I was making such good progress in 2019, from August to December. Even after the move, I basically finished part 6 in January. I fumbled around and fussed with 1 a lot, but that had already been given one draft, really, and I got through half of 4 before I slowed to a stop. I’ve barely gotten anything accomplished on it since June. Bits and pieces here and there, but nothing significant, not like I was doing. I can excuse October, due to 80k invested in Kinktober (yikes!), but aside from that… I’m sad. I’ll finish it eventually, but I really thought I could have the first draft done in a year. I’m sitting at about 480k out of what I’m almost certain will be 700k. 

Biggest surprise:

    Kinktober! It was kind of spur of the moment, decided just a week in advance. I’ve tried month long or even like, 20-25 day long challenges and I don’t think I’ve ever completed one. I thought there was a good chance I’d do so again, so I gave myself a little help and made my own list of prompts, things I knew I liked and hadn’t done much of yet. And it worked? I actually completed it, what the hell? Despite spending five days travelling near the end! Despite falling behind in getting ahead and writing a bunch of stories the day they were to be posted! Despite apparently forgetting how to do short form! 

    I, uh, could have done without the spawning of eleven series or sequels or continuations jfc WHY SELF.

Something you learned this year:

    Ideas breed ideas. I swear to god, the second I sit down to think through a current idea, I wake up the next morning with three more. 

    Words need to be restocked. I need to consume new - not rereads, not fic - content every so often to refresh my word bank. It is astonishing how quickly writing goes again after I’ve done so.

    I can write so much more than I thought I could. I can do so much more than I thought I could. Yes, I can complete challenges without dropping out early. Yes, I can do exchanges and not regret it. Yes, I can write more than 100k, more than 200k, more and more - and I can write 10k+ easily too. Though I wouldn’t mind if I could once again write less than 10k without feeling like I’ve cut off in the middle. 

    My time is shrinking, and if I want to write as much, I’m going to have to make the time. I can’t rely on three days off a week, on seven hours of uninterrupted overnight shifts, on hyper focused writing binges that leave everything else around me on fire. 

Most memorable comment: 

    So, so many! I can’t pick one. I’ve been really lucky to get a bunch of really detailed, enthusiastic, analyzing comments across all different fics. One of the types that always sticks with me are the ones like ‘I didn’t think/know I liked this ship/kink/twist, but fuck, apparently I do? You made me, what the hell?’. 

What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

So with writing Gotcha but not posting until it’s done, my view of what I’ve written vs anyone else’s is extremely skewed. I’m sitting here thinking, hey I’m 400k in and got another 10k done today, so much writing! While anyone looking at my AO3 account (for most of the year) is like, you’re averaging three months between fics :(

    All that to say I want to try and get something posted more frequently while I’m working on Gotcha.

    Also, writing for kinktober was really interesting - pushing myself to write every single day, often for that day’s post, forced me to get back into shorter form fic. Which used to be all I did? But it was surprisingly hard to just stop and not write more. So I’d like to challenge myself to write more fics under 10k at least. Maybe even under 5k though that might be asking a lot lol. I might get there with the many continuations of those fics I’d like to do. Does that count?

Goals:

   I want to hit 365 fics. :) I’m only 32 away!

    Aside from writing - 

    I’ve really enjoyed the reading record sideblog I started this year. I’ve let it lapse a little the past month or so, but I’d like to keep it going strong. 

    I’d like to leave a lot more comments. I want to get better about allowing imperfection - I want to write The Best Comment, but in the end? Probably 90% of fic writers are going to be happier with a comment expressing enjoyment in any way over no comment at all. 

And not just on fics, but on general posts as well. It’s hard not to feel… weird and stupid and invasive and rude leaving any sort of comment on someone’s post if I don’t know them at least a little. I have godawful rejection sensitive dysphoria and a lot of interactions that ended poorly; I’m really not good at people. But as dumb as it feels to say those things, I know I am thrilled and warmed and happier when there’s a reblog with tags or a note or a comment or an ask or just, any small interaction that shows someone out there notices and cares, at least a little. There’s no reason I can’t at least try to offer that to other people. 

    I’d like to make/run a couple challenges of my own, later in the year. I’m still figuring out what I want to do and what I could do. I’m really interested in doing something that’s not focused on creators, but the readers; some sort of comment or rec challenge maybe.

    I want to find a cheerleader for Gotcha. I’m struggling to keep up my motivation to write it when it’s already in my head, where I can ‘read’ it any time. There’s a line between depending too much on external validation and trying to generate all your validation yourself, and I’m getting to a point where I think I need to ask for help (gasp! The hardest thing EVER). 

*

(Part Two: Pick Some Fics)

#end of year #unsettled rambles

[purplesurveys]

1129

[created by: youvebeensurved - LiveJournal]

How often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? I’ve actually never tried getting a drink from one of those fountains. I find them nasty, and the fact that gas stations aren’t the most hygienic of places certainly doesn’t help their case.

If you get online and look at graphics, what website(s) do you go to? I never find myself looking for graphics. The closest thing I search are vector icons, and for those I have an extension on Chrome that lets me look for icons to place on slides and such.

Who would you say your favorite celebrity is? At the moment it would be Rosamund Pike, but my all-time favorite would be Beyoncé.

Have you ever slept in your car? If so, explain. Sure, mostly when I took naps in between classes. There were also a few times I had late nights out and didn’t have a place to crash at, so I’d sleep in the car for the night before heading home in the morning.

If you were forced to murder one of your parents, which one would it be? This is a horrible question.

What song are you currently obsessed with? Find Me Here - Hayley Williams.

Explain your last run in with the police: Never happened.

Who was the last friend you hung out with, and what did you guys do? In terms of a physical get-together, I was with Angela, Hans, Pia, Kyelle, Al, Gab, and Sam and we had dinner and drinks at this gastropub that announced its impending permanent closure by the end of February. Virtually, I hung out with Andi, Peter, Carmel, Rita, Robin, Mik, and Elis to have a Jeopardy game night over Zoom.

What time do you usually go to bed and wake up? On weekdays I try to turn in anywhere between 9–11 PM and wake up by 6:30. On weekends, I try to stay up until midnight at the earliest, but I’m trying to make it a habit to stay up until like 2–3 AM just so I can catch up on my hobbies and shows. I wake up anywhere between 5–7 AM.

If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? What's stopping you? Lawyer, which is a route I seriously considered for a few years. I get extremely tense in arguments though so I doubt I’d be the best fit for that kind of career.

Do you have a friend that's in a horrible situation right now? Explain. Yeah, my college batchmate (who’s now also my co-worker) Aimee tested positive for COVID this week after being in and out of a fever over the last two weeks.

What was the last store you were in, and what did you buy? I suddenly needed plastic bags while I was packing groceries at the office the other week, so I went to the nearby convenience store to check if they had any. They didn’t, so I left without buying anything.

Who was the last person you texted, and what did this text say? I was texting some media friends to tell them some shoes we had ordered for them to try out are going to be delivered to their address within the day.

What is the reason for the last time you cried? A show I had been watching had an emotional scene.

Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Joanna, of course, mainly because that’s the character Audrey Hepburn plays.

What color did you last paint your nails? I can’t remember the color I chose the last time I had my nails painted 79472394348 years ago.

It's 112 degrees out today, describe your attire: A very thin tank top with airy shorts.

Do you have any friends that are currently in jail? Explain their situation. Not friends but I can think of a couple of relatives who’ve gotten ‘in conflict’ with the law. I won’t get into their cases but for both of them, it was because they got tricked by their respective abusive bosses, hence the quote marks.

Do you tend to take long or short surveys? I like taking those whose lengths are right in the middle - anywhere between 35-80 questions. Shorter ones look boring and I find the longer ones too time-consuming.

What do you currently desire? I changed my mind about La Creperie and will be going to Ramen Nagi instead since I just remembered they currently have a truffle ramen thing that’s only going to be around for a limited time, and I want to get my hands on it before they take it off the menu.

How often do you honk your horn? Depends on how stupid the people I’m driving with are on a given day.

For what reason were you last at a park? We don’t have too many parks here so there’s little opportunity to stay at one. I remember seeing one with Gab when we were at BGC a little over a year ago, but we only walked through it since it was part of the route we were taking to get to our actual destination.

What junk food can you never pass up? Salted egg chips and pizza.

If you're a girl, what is your favorite brand of feminine hygiene products? If you're a boy, what is your favorite brand of condoms? I don’t have a favorite.

Where was the last place you went on a walk to? Just around the neighborhood. I also wanted to make this morning’s route with Cooper a little longer so he could walk more, so we went to parts of the village we don’t normally reach.

How are you feeling today? I’m content :) It’s the weekend so I’m not too tense like I normally would be on weekdays. I also have plans to go out later today so I’m looking forward to that.

Do you ever make your own surveys? Never tried because I know I wouldn’t be able to come up with new and interesting questions.

How flexible are you? Not very. I can’t even reach my toes when I do stretches.

What is your favorite class? Any history elective. I also like biology, anthropology, and some aspects of political science.

What is your boyfriend's name? I don’t have one.

What is your favorite drink? Non-alcoholic, cold water. Alcoholic, Long Island Iced Tea for mixed drinks, and tequila.

Who is your best friend? Angela.

What time is it? 11:20 AM.

What is your middle name? My second name is Isabelle, but I’m not sharing my legal middle name.

What 3 websites do you visit daily? YouTube, Google Suite, and Twitter.

Where do you work? At home, haha. But under normal circumstances I’d be working in an office somewhere in Metro Manila.

What is your favorite band? Paramore.

How do you feel about abortion? Personally not a fan of the procedure for myself, but I am as pro-choice as it gets.

Do you want any kids? Very much so.

Have you ever microwaved soap? Nah, but I know what happens to it from watching YouTube videos hahaha. It’s so fun to see it gradually expand and become a pretty lil cloud.

Are there any new movies that you want to see? I Care A Lot, but I feel sooooooooo lazy about watching new movies. Idk if I’ll ever get around to it.

How many places have you lived? I’d say around five in total, including the house I currently reside in. I’ve lived in my parents’ apartment in Manila, then we briefly moved in with my dad’s parents, and then I spent most of my childhood in a duplex living with my mom’s side (and got to live in both houses), until we finally settled here when I was 10.

Do you have any health issues? Yeah, the main one I have to live with is scoliosis.

Are you texting anyone? Nope. And I don’t really text anymore, either. Most of my conversations take place on Messenger or Viber.

What do you drive? A Mitsubishi Mirage hatchback.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Sure, both male and female ones.

Are you drinking or eating anything? Nope but I am starting to feel a bit hungry.

What color is your shirt? Yellow with some grey text.

Do you drink? Like...alcohol? Sure. I have the occasional soju night.

What year do/did you graduate? I graduated high school in 2016, and college in 2020.

Do you play any sports? Table tennis, though it’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to play. I got to take it as a PE elective on my last sem, but my time with it got cut off because of COVID :(

Do you pop your fingers? Yeah, I just cracked my knuckles a few minutes ago.

What is your shoe size? I can wear a size 6 or 7.

Have you ever had a UTI? Apparently I’ve had one, but all I got from it was a persisting high fever. I didn’t actually have any difficulties or felt pain in my urinary tract, though of course I felt scared to pee during that time because I thought it would hurt lol.

What was the last thing you baked? Cookies. A lifetime ago, since I don’t normally bake.

When was the last time you showered? Yesterday afternoon when I was finally able to clock out of work.

Would you rather go to the dentist or the doctor? Dentist. I actually find the procedures soothing. There’s a whole lot of issues that can be unpacked when you visit doctors, so I’m kinda scared of that.

Have you ever been in love? Yes. I miss the feeling and being able to act on it, but I’m liking being with myself too.

How do you feel about public speaking? I’m ok with it for the most part. I know I can speak well and generally have a good hold of my thoughts, so I don’t mind if I have to do it unless I have to talk about something I’m greatly unfamiliar with, like insurance or economics lmao. The latter situation is the only time I’d feel unprepared or scared of public speaking.

Do you see anything green? Yeah, since we have artificial plant accents on the coffee table.

What shoes do you usually wear? Sneakers or running shoes.

Do you take any birth control? Nope.

Who is the last person you talked to? My sister; I just asked her to turn the volume down on the TV.

Are there any fast food restaurants that you refuse to eat at? Just Tokyo Tokyo. I can take or leave Burger King but for the most part I find their burgers too plain.

Do you recycle? Whenever I can, yeah.

Do you know what you want to major in in college? I wanted to take up journalism. I suppose I don’t regret it, since I ended up wanting to be in a field that’s close enough to it anyway and I don’t feel like the skills I learned went to waste.

Have you ever snuck anyone in your room? Nah, I always let my mom know if I’m letting someone over since she doesn’t knock and would find out anyway.

Who was the last person in your bed besides you? Gabie.

Have you ever been in the hospital? Other than when I was born, yeah, at least once.

What's the last movie you watched? I watched Midsommar with Nina and some cousins last Christmas lol. We unknowingly downloaded the Director’s Cut, which we found out wasn’t as good as the main version since they added cheesy scenes to it, which ruined the suspenseful mood of the movie.

What's your favorite fruit? Avocado.

What do your bathroom walls look like? The bottom half has coral-ish tiles, while the top half is just a plain white wall. In the downstairs bathroom the setup is the same, but instead of coral tiles we have light blue wall tiles instead on the bottom half.

What do you spend most of your money on? At the moment, most of the money that I do take out of my account is the money I give to my parents every couple of weeks to help out with the bills. The next main thing I spend on is food, because I always have cravings I need satisfied haha.

Do you have any weird obsessions? Reading about serial killers and unsolved crimes isn’t really considered ‘weird’ anymore since a lot of other people have taken up the interest. But that’s probably the most out-there ~obsession that I have.

Do you bite your nails? I do but not obsessively.

What's the last color you dyed your hair? I’ve never tried dyeing my hair yet.

How do you feel about mustaches? Not my personal preference, but you do you.

Is there anyone that you really want to see in concert? Beyonceeeeeeeeeeeeee.

#survey #surveys

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i'm here for your Jare and Lana Thoughts

hmm i’m not good at like, coming up with concrete ideas/hcs, or at recalling anything, but yeah they should get to be friends

i mean we don’t know that alana has Any friends, and really even pre-act 2, evan is not an amazing friend to jared, and even if things were better re: that relationship, it’s not really ideal to for jared to have one single friend anyways.......and, again, evan’s not exactly the perfect friend and like, even though i think anyone taking any real note of the material realizes that jared and evan’s relationship being not very close or great at this juncture is a two-way street, it’s easily arguable that evan’s a worse friend to jared in canon than jared is to him. so like, if jared’s gonna have One Friend lol tbh it would be great if he and alana could become friends and like, have someone to hang out with and just have a chill time being Not Alone for once and not having to feel like they have to be maintaining this perfect performance at all times or be dropped

really like it’s a great concept to just imagine them getting to spend time together doing totally unremarkable average Hanging Out stuff.......do homework together sometimes instead of alone in their respective bedrooms, spend time together on the weekend and play video games / watch a movie, just do some chill shit that gives them the chance to have conversations and share interests and personal info and just like, get used to feeling more relaxed in this person’s presence and like this is a real friendship......maybe they spend time together in canon doing tcp stuff ever but we were never shown it, and that’s a bit of a transition from being mostly strangers (distant acquaintances) to being Sort Of friends / at least being more familiar with each other......and maybe they can become closer After the tcp heyday, like, presumably in the timeskip-and-beyond part of things.....like, yeah there's the issue of everything that happened re: tcp and how jared knows more about the inside story while maybe alana just suspects, and natch i don't think jared would be willing to share that Inside Story if only because we all know that he and evan are mutually protecting each other forever, but also i don't think that like, thoroughly discussing the tcp stuff is absolutely crucial to jared and alana getting to be friends. for one thing, they probably can't have gotten That close during tcp, since by act 2 jared is apparently not super involved, and for another thing i think by the finale times both alana and jared might Both just be wanting to pretty much like, move on from all the tcp stuff.

also like, really i don't remember if jared's Extracurriculars like model u.n. was from pre-bway content and/or if it was from "cherrypicking anything worthwhile from the novel" content lol, but also stuff like being a camp counselor can't be completely effortless, and as someone who isn't too close to his parents and for whomst, at least at one point, theoretically, his car insurance being paid was tied to him doing stuff his mom wants him to do e.g. Be Nice To Evan, i get the idea that maybe jared does some academic / extracurricular stuff at least partially with the motivation of staying in the good graces of his parents and other adults / being Approved of via those routes of like, performing well at various Set Tasks like "get good grades" "be in model u.n." "be nice to evan, theoretically, according to jared himself" and etc........anyways this is a really roundabout way to get to "alana might be engaged in like, structured / approved Tasks as a means to being supported, not in the exact same way as jared is but with enough of a parallel that he Understands it".....like, i think yeah we can deduce that alana is kind of Studious or at least cares about her academic performance, but people like, forget that she's Not just doing everything for her college applications, and that most of what the focus is on is alana doing Extracurricular stuff that's more involved with / focused on Local Community than just like, school......she's talking about what she did over the summer, which is sure inherently Not stuff for school, and tcp is only partly about the school, and isn't Academic.......alana probably sees Community Involvement as a means to support / connection / positive attention, which is a bit different from jared who like, yeah might be kinda on that wavelength in Disappear thru Ywbf, but also it might be mostly "oh i can be in this group with evan and alana"......jared mostly seems to regard Attention From Anyone Else as something potentially negative, even though of course he doesn't want to Not get any attention, so on the one hand he's trying to get ahead of that Potential Negative Attention by trying to establish his own Role as [i'm the jokes boy] and be able to Deflect attention away from himself, or at least from whatever aspects of himself he doesn't want to have anyone focus on / question, and he seems to have an even more Defensive approach re: adults (i.e. "literally nothing i tell my parents is true") and it's easy to imagine that he sees it as like, as long as he Does This Checklist of Tasks He's Supposed To Do, e.g. "get decent grades" / "do some extracurriculars (i'm just remembering model u.n. was from Prior Versions Of The Show b/c it was related to that perjury thing and being the ambassador of luxembourg)" / etc and Adults Will Leave Him Alone Entirely Maybe........alana of course doesn't really wanna be left alone, but also she's more focused on her Peers than adults as well, ppl mischaracterizing her as like, only caring about grades & Rules & generally being a killjoy.........but natch if she Is trying to get good grades and Is involving herself in a lot of projects academic or extracurricular or unaffiliated with school at all, and there's gonna be more Work involved in that, and probably hanging out with her will involve doing work Parallel to each other, or at least, alana doing work while you do whatever.......and i think jared would Get that and wouldn't be like, "why are you boring" lol......out here down to bond with evan over basically a writing project......having Computer Skills which he presumably honed / hones on his own time.........this is a mess but im basically getting to "jared wouldn't think alana is boring or anything and would understand pursuing Something through the routes of Projects and Commitments and Approved Activities" look i'm phrasing everything terribly but if i don't just get shit down i'll never answer this ask

meanwhile i think alana would think jared is funny, which is nice b/c despite jared trying to be Humorous evan doesn't act very interested or like he's like "jared you're hilarious and i love that about you" lmao like. obviously people interpret jared's Attitude as like omg so uncaring he has no feelings he also has no problems b/c he Takes Nothing Seriously (which obviously. Humor / demeanor doesn't necessarily reflect taking whatever "seriously" or not.) and maybe evan's misinterpreting it too, but even if he Knows better re: how jared really feels about things, he's not exactly trying to engage with him about it any other way, so.......anyways alana thought connor's terrible joke from probably a while back is funny so. she'd probably Genuinely be like "haha good one jared" and jared would get to be like :o :o :o whoa i made a joke and someone reacted......natch jared's also just trying to like, Provoke evan into paying attention to him sometimes with his Humour / being able to comment on Real Shit without giving away his Real Feelings but like, probably not the ideal form of communication, and jared's out here @ connor like "it was a joke" so he'd probably be fine if any other students like, reacted to his jokes as jokes.........and alana could. also she might Joke sometimes in return lol

there Is that bit of an issue where yeah alana having a tendency to just Take The Lead on things where jared has a tendency to just like, back off if he isn't expressly given space in the first place or if he's pushed back, and this isn't Ideal obviously but like, he and alana don't have to interact via Working On Projects Together alone, especially not tcp, and it'd be an inherently different dynamic if they were interacting solely due to being Friends / wanting to hang out for no especial reason vs interacting to work on something together........and i don't think alana would Want a friendship to be the same as "someone she works on a project with" like, as far as we know in canon, alana only has Acquaintances and jared ends up losing his one friend, so i think if alana and jared become closer later on / start this new Actual Friendship between themselves, alana wouldn't want it to feel the same as like, being involved in tcp together (and neither would jared), and i also don't think jared would necessarily want it to feel like his friendship with evan, which natch wasn't going great, particularly not in those final months l o l .......even though both of them being Friendless would probably make them somewhat eager to make One Friend, they both got burned by their attempts to Get Closer To People (or A Person in jared's case lol) ("everyone needed it for something" like okayyy if you say so, guess we Are just forgetting about alana and jared's existence), and they might not exactly be raring to go about [Obtaining Friendship] the same way again. and since they both had a pretty Transactional approach to getting positive attention (i.e. jared helping evan out and doing shit for him, alana doing the same and presumably doing the bulk of the tcp work when evan ingeniously held jared at arm's length instead of having him more involved but then kind of peaced out of the project himself) it'd probably be nice for alana to have someone who seems to like being around her without it being due to any of the work she does / has done, whereas jared probably doesn't wanna be The Guy Who Helps Out and is only talked to for that purpose..............and them both having a friend who they Didn't make / keep via their respective wtaw-type approaches to things is probably gonna be encouraging re: the fact that yknow, they don't have to put on that certain Performance of what they think people might want from them / people might find Acceptable from them........and of course if they spend more time together they'll get more used to the other / learn about them, and probably ~Learn About Themselves~ since they're finally getting to like, Not be putting on a performance for someone / feeling like they have to play some specific role to be liked or whatever

and like, alana isn't just all Boring and incapable of having fun or comprehending what that is........i like soph's hc that she loves karaoke, jared could tag along and be the audience lol and it's just like, hey we can just have fun together doing shit for fun and not like, feeling like you're having to prove your worth to the other person all the time, just having some confidence that the other person likes you for who you are and they can relax and actually enjoy it

naturally i like the idea that alana and jared become friends (or better friends) in college........the rest of senior year has to be Not A Great Time and just generally more fraught than usual for them, and they could stand to have the summer before college to kinda take a breath (but also maybe feel worried about college) but then yknow once college starts they're In college and it's different from hs (and better), and it being a Different environment with Different people and a Different structure can also help them just like, get more comfortable with themselves and maybe (hopefully) feel more capable of pursuing stuff they really wanna do and just overall be having a better time than, say, in senior year of high school.....would sure be convenient if they went to the same one of course. lol. hang out all the time on campus / between classes, go to Social Occasions together, be in the same dorm / just keep hanging out at each other's, etc

also just like, on its own, i always like the idea of jared also being able to Make Friends / have decent, positive, accepting Social Interactions via joining a club / being involved in some extracurricular type shit, where he Can be comfortable like "oh i'm here to Do Some Tasks so i get to be part of this group of people just by signing up, not by everyone else deciding they want me around" and then yknow, be spending time with this group of people that way, end up hanging out at various points kind of branching off of whatever Tasks are being done, and sort of gradually realize that people Don't Dislike him and can then catch on that maybe he has some potential friends here.........it's fun to think of him doing like, tech work for theatre, and also in the midst of all these theatre people he can like, fully realize Oh I'm Gay (and maybe get to fully process what went down there re: evan and his own Heartbreak there, like the fact that it Was heartbreak).......and to add the idea of Alana Being Friends with him during college, maybe a) she can hang out over in the theatre area sometimes while he's doing whatever and work on her own stuff but also get to interact with everyone else who might be around and b) if he gets any comp tickets she can get one and c) idk she can maybe also be Directly involved in helping out sometimes......

and also anyways getting all the way to This Point in the answer before mentioning that like, of course both jared and alana are gay and maybe haven't figured this out entirely by the events of Canon but sure could during college and could be each other's Supportive Friend, naturally if one of them figures it out first the other one is like wow great i'm such an Ally of that, boy it feels really great to Know i have a gay friend actually, b/c i'm Such An Ally......and then figuring it out for themself as well lmao like aha. hope they don't think i'm copying them lol...........also the one Jared And Alana "Dating" idea i permit is that maybe back in the day when neither of them were Aware of their own gayness they like, vibed with each other and were like "hmm is this Having A Crush?" and "dated" awkwardly for like a month or two or something (or less lol)......naturally they could've had this sort of experience with Anyone but like, the sort of underlying thing that the Affinity they mistook for "i wanna date this person" was them rly having the potential to be good friends and have a significant relationship that way. but then them having this real awkward "dating" experience probably would delay that for at least a little bit lmao like avoiding each other b/c even if it sure was just like, a not-that-dramatic mutual breakup, it's still uncomfortable and it's like "why didn't this work out at all"............but yeah the important part is they're gay and they're friends and if they are also good friends while they're figuring out the Being Gay stuff for themselves then that's just nice for them.....have this person be supportive and glad for you........

also and yknow there's the idea of "what if jared and evan start to make up in College Times and possibly kleinsen happens" and obviously being back in touch with evan would be both fraught for jared and alana even if they're in this place where it's easier to extend him some grace here, but they'd sure understand each other's misgivings and trepidation here even if they don't really lay out each and every Detail of like "yeah here's why and how i was hurt back in the day in tcp times".......and yknow, for jared it wouldn't have to be like "wow after i lost evan i've had No Friends and having him back in my life would mean i'm not completely alone anymore," which might help him take his time in contemplating / reflecting upon the situation lol. and who knows, alana might be down to accept an apology as well at least or something. but regardless of that concept Yeah jared and alana getting to be friends in college would be cool for both of them.

these are all broad sweeping concepts lmao instead of like any fun details or specific events / scenarios lol but yeah here are some Thoughts.......a real tl;dr is that it'd be nice if like, overall, both jared and alana felt like they had some more space in college to figure themselves out and feel less pressure to fit some precise role that will win them approval, and they find some Connection through each other and get to share that like, Figuring Themselves Out territory while being friends and getting some emotional support from each other, and they are gay

#deh #sorry this is kinda Especially this meandering mess lmao but hey.... #had to just push through and get it out there or i wouldn't be able to answer at all lmao....... #i'm bad at [Having Ideas] [recalling ideas] [writing anything concisely]..... #i mean feel free to send me asks about Whatever i love to interact but you know. they might be a mess &/or i take forever

[night-dragon937]

Finally Finished the Sanders Sides Set and Why I’ve Disappeared in September

First off, good stuff!!!!

Finally complete Logan cosplay!!!! (soooo difficult to find striped blue ties that aren’t 40-60 usd)

The tie is tied horribly and I have no clue how to make these smaller or I would, but all six!!

Proof ^^^^ lol

(note: i typed this up in the beginning of october and didn’t want to post it cause it made me feel bad. i’m feeling slightly less bad about it, so i’m going to post this before i just decide to delete it. but i want those of you who care to know to be able to know)

Aaaand the bad news. I’mma add a split right here in case you don’t want this negativity in your day, I totally understand!

tl;dr basically I didn’t have access to social media during september and atm i only have access to tumblr, and even then i’m risking a lot every time i use it-

below is what exactly transpired in that month...

A few of you know how bad my home life is (if you don’t, it’s pretty bad...)

After I told my therapist about the incident I posted about on here (I don’t expect you to go read it, there’s a ton of tw’s), she said that she was legally required to call CPS (child protection services) because it was an instance of child abuse (no way...). So they called the day after we made the report (which, i had an anxiety attack while retelling events cause it was fairly traumatic to me, as well as past events...) and my parents found out that I was involved in making the report. My (step)dad was ranting about how he’s such a great parent and now for some reason people and going to come and take his boys away (my younger half siblings, his blood children...) and he’s going to have to get a lawyer to keep his family intact. My mom was at work at the time.

She came home early, and the four of them had a private little talk upstairs, then they came down and mocked and berated me for telling anyone about what had happened. They blamed me for what I’ve gone through and told me to stop playing the victim. The lady came over and was rather sweet. She started off just asking questions, getting a feel for what was going on. My parents pretended to be very nice and very concerned. When we got down to the core of the issues (my queerness in relation to their christian beliefs), the lady revealed that she was a christian and totally understood why they were doing the things they were dong. she validated their actions. the exact ones that warranted a cps call for child abuse from my therapist and her clinical supervisor.

they kept acting like the things i was saying never happened, and lying right to the lady’s face and discounting anything i said, all four of them saying that i made things up and lied about things. they said that i was holding them hostage by threatening to kill myself. repeatedly. the only times i’ve mentioned wanting to was in the context of them being really toxic towards them and me attempting to listen to their request of me being open with them and letting them know how their actions and words were making me feel and asking them to stop because it was making me really bad. they lied to her and said horrible untrue things about me.

So my parents decided to take all social media away from me. they almost deleted my accounts. they disabled youtube and fucking chrome on my phone. i couldn’t open a single web page for a month (until i was able to borrow this laptop from the college). all my healthy coping mechanisms (looking up tiktoks/vines on youtube to distract myself, watching positivity vids on youtube, reading fluffy fics on ao3 to cheer myself up, looking up positive content on different social media platforms, getting validation from friends over social media, etc) were taken away. they then told me that if i accessed social media, they would take away my vehicle and phone. i drive half an hour to work most days, i need my vehicle. my work schedule is on my phone, i contact work and other people with my phone. i use music on my phone (my most important coping mechanism). they also are making me pay car insurance for my vehicle, do more chores, and requiring me to hang out with them more. those are whatever, i don’t care so much. but hanging out with them causes me to feel bad, and they took away most of my ways of feeling better. i’ve been doing so much better since i started secretly using tumblr, my mom even noticed the improvement in my mood.

so yeah if i don’t get back to you, don’t post as much, disappear for a couple days... it’s because they’re snoopy as fuck and i have to do a lot to cover my tracks so they won’t find out. also, i return this laptop at the beginning of december, so i will be gone that month. that one month of hell. i am trying to get a laptop that belongs to me, but those are expensive and i need to save money, relating to the incident that happened last week that is too raw to talk about publicly yet.

#blog post #cosplay #sanders sides cosplay #logan logic sanders #tw rant #tw child abuse mention #tw queerphobia #tw homophobia #tw transphobia #tw suicide mention #tw gaslighting #tw cussing #cussing tw #tw swearing #swearing tw

[technicolordeams]

So some things happened this past week since I wrote my last entry and I'm rethinking my stance on leaving or not. I was able to talk to the one girl who is befriending me and my pastor had a long talk about what makes me me and what I struggle with. I followed what my therapist told me to be which was to be more assertive. I felt very awkward and scared to do it but if I didn't, I'd end up right back where I was feeling anger and abandonment. So for now, I'm still on hold on what to choose to do.

But a couple other things popped up. Not too big but unsettling. My mind just blanked on one of them so I'll just type about the one that's stuck out the most to me right now since it happened literally within the past hour.

So obviously I have problems eating enough to keep my weight stable, let alone gain any without a LOT of work. I've been struggling with it since my gallbladder decided to take a shit on me and demand to be removed which happened on my birthday. During that time I started getting suicidal again and I hadn't dealt with those intense emotions regarding it in several years. But since December it decided to rear it's ugly head and bite into me as hard as it could ever since. It's been 8 months now with very little improvement. And during that time span my health has tanked. I developed breathing problems after my surgery which was horrific enough as it was (imagine not being fully awake but aware that you are out of control of your body and unable to utilize your coping techniques. Just like having a massive panic attack like seizure feeling but you are barely able to be aware of anything besides the viceral fear and blackness because I couldn't wake up. Just... Out of control. And you have no idea how long you were in that state before the nurse could sort of pull you out of it and even communicate more than like two words and slowly peek my eyes open a fraction. Yeah, that's what happened. I had major fear over that for at least a month. Sleeping was hard enough from the surgery and adding in that... Yeah no.) Anyways, since that started up and obviously after surgery it's hard to eat and stuff like that normally. But after the surgery I was (am) having breathing problems. I would have endless coughing fits that would even hit me and make me unable to take a full breath without coughing horribly whatever air I could get right back out. It also made me almost throw up several times (which is my biggest phobia that triggered my eating disorder to go out of control and send me into hospital stays and feeding tube hell). So at least I lost 10lbs since the surgery or even before that. I creep closer to 15lbs though most likely. I haven't been keeping track of it very much because of how much distress I've been dealing with. And I've been dealing with A LOT. Things I wonder if I will be able to get up from without more intense medical help that I probably can't get because of covid.

I've gone through several tests to see why I'm having coughing fits and every answer is that they don't see anything wrong. Well, the ENT appointment I went to the day before I went to see the pulmonary doctor really screwed me over tbh. The ENT doctor gave me steroids that day that I took that same night and told me that the pulls wouldn't affect the asthma test they were going to perform next day. It did. So I had to wait like two months before I could go back and be re-tested. But then covid hit and those practices have been closed ever since. So I can't get an accurate reading on what's going on. They did spot that I had some breathing abnormalities but because of the steroids, they couldn't say for sure. Mind you I had to literally book these doctor appointments and tell my dad you have to take me to these because he didn't think it was that important. Which has pretty much been like everything doctor related that has come up this past year. Just had to put my foot down and tell him I NEED to go to these and I'll be going whether you agree with me or not. Which adds to the distressed feeling and like I'm overreacting and being too paranoid or some shit. Also because I couldn't get actually tested for asthma properly, my regular doctor had to prescribe me with an inhaler but insurance won't help because I have not been diagnosed with it. So I had to cough up (almost literally) over a $100 for medicine that we don't know is right for me or not or whatever.. so that's like $60 every two months? Idk. Which is a lot considering I have a bunch of other bills to pay which includes when I got my wisdom teeth removed (ALL FIVEEE because I'm that extra) which cost $3,000. I have to pay my mom back for another at least year? I don't even know anymore at this point.

I've also been dealing with vision blackouts recently where I almost pass out when I get up here and there. My blood pressure tanked and went to like 70/52 and pulse all over the place. That's better now at least. Chronic fatigue, dehydration, can't sleep very well... Etc. Vitamin D and B12 are on the lower side of the normal range and my body isn't producing enough carbon dioxide.

Now along with all of this bag of shit, I have lost every friend I thought I had and the feeling that I can call anyone friend anymore. I am terrified of calling anyone a friend now because I am afraid that if I let someone in, I will be taken advantage of and lied to like I have in almost every type of relationship I've had since I was little. I am afraid of speaking because I am afraid what I say will offend or upset or whatever someone when all I do is mean well (usually unless you're an asshat). It has made me regress back to my childhood where I couldn't trust anyone and I had nobody except for a penpal on the east coast to keep me company through msn messenger, emails, or rarely phone calls. She was the only one I could call my best friend for a long time and the only one I could open up to about things and the only one who tried to consistently cheer me up when I was hospitalized at 16 by spamming me with emails. I will forever love her and no matter how far we've drifted apart over the years, I will still love her and respond to her as quickly as possible if she ever needed me again. But if we never talk again I'm okay with it. We were there for each other during really bad times in out lives and I like to think we kept each other somewhat sane. She has done more for me than I could ever ask anyone and I'll always be grateful to have "met" her.

But since all of the shit happened with my ex friends... I don't feel safe to get very close to anyone or open up to anyone. Even the girl who defended me and stuff when I was being bullied and manipulated hardly speaks to me now. I wouldn't want to talk to me very much either if all I had to talk about were extremely negative and talk about dying. I can hardly go to my parents about things. I am home alone with just my puppy that likes to get into mischief about 80% of the day. Hardly interact with people online. Usually I just now watch YouTube videos about what's going on with people. I find very little satisfaction playing video games or anything honestly. I have lost art, something that I loved dearly and way too much. I cannot go out most often due to my health. I am stuck at home. I can hardly go outside too. It's too hot (sometimes heat can trigger flashbacks), I found out I'm allergic to grass, and last week I broke out in hives from God knows what so I can't go outside even more. I was put on steroids again for 6 days which causes your immune system to weaken so it won't produce histamines that causes the INSANE itch because every topical and oral medicine OTC would barely help at all. All I do each day is very basic hygiene, sleep when I can, eat as much as I can, and try and relax while taking care of my puppy.

Only two good things has come from all of this: one, I can finally work with a trauma therapist. Hopefully she can help me. Two... Ah I forgot what the second one was actually. Maybe being able to talk to my psychiatrist more frequently? Not sure. I'm very tired right now again lol.

All I know is that I feel very much alone and there's nothing I can do about it. The world outside is extremely dangerous and I am trapped inside my mind too frequently. And there is no extra help I can get.

So all of this led up to my main grievance for today- so far at least lol long ass story to tell just to explain what I'm upset about. My mom earlier asked me if she could give me advice. I told her it depends on what it's about. But she said it anyways. Told me to check my weight each week. She knows I'm not in the most stable state of mind and she knows that me checking my weight constantly can cause a panic attack of it goes down. (thankfully it hasn't really in a month. Only reason why I know is because I had to go to my doctor's twice the past month) I told my dad what she said and he just told me to say okay and leave it at that.

I know I don't want to go back to the state I was in in 2017. I don't want to go through that hell again. Even if I did want to, there'd be way more restrictions with the threat of covid ravaging our place and infecting everyone there. When I pass the eating disorder clinic that I was forced in when I was 16, there is literally nobody there. Maybe a couple cars but they obviously are not treating kids right now. I may be wrong but it would be very dangerous. I know over at the ERC I went to in 2017 is extremely limiting any visitors from coming. The apartments when you graduate to living in temporarily while you go to just a day program only allow maybe two people to stay there at a time and instead of walking to the van pickup spot, they pick you up at your apartment. Psychiatric wards here, or at least one of them that my therapist and I talked about going to, is still slightly operational, but it's over Zoom. So you literally can't get very good support. If you fall off the deep end while at a meeting nothing can be done to help you right there and then if you run away from the meeting.

My psychiatrist told me that if I do feel that I'm in grave danger (I think the trauma therapist I met also said the same) was to go to the ER. But I am afraid to go to the ER and then be turned away quickly and also take a chance that I might catch Covid while there, not to mention the price... And since my parents are essential workers, any one of us could come down with it at any time or be a carrier without knowing. So I'm isolated from people in real life and I don't feel safe talking to anyone online as well. Even if I had someone who wanted to talk to me to begin with that isn't some creepy horny guy wanting pixel sex... I can't think of anyone who I could potentially talk to about anything in my life... I'm just so lost and afraid of both the virtual and real world... Who can I turn to besides my therapist, psychiatrist, or maybe parents depending on what is bothering me, and of course God? I'm told I need a support system. But I can only talk to the doctors so much and my parents aren't very good at being compassionate... I have no one.

I also think about how badly I want to be hospitalized for a little while just so I can get fluids and rest and proper care but that most likely will only happen unless suicide was a big risk.

I am utterly alone...

If anyone reads this long post to the end, you're a crazy human being. xD Going to stop rambling now and put the dishes away and put the pup away for his nap and try and get one in myself.

#ptsd #trauma #depression #lonely #loneliness #trust #no trust #fear #mentally ill #mental illness #mentally tired #physically exhausted #sick #sick girl #sickness #weightloss #eating disorder #arfid problems #arfid #suicidal

[randomoranges]

Over the summer, I watched Good Omens in Italian and made a post about it to compare and contrast

And then I did the same with French and FINALLY got around to make sense of my notes. Here they are, enjoy the laughs.

Good Omens in French is Bons Présages which is a literal translation.

French shows/movies/books always seem to do literal translations of things (see Harry Potter)

Crowley’s name goes from Rampant (something that CRAWls) to Rampa.

 God, although voiced by a female sounding actor, is referred as tout puissant (male) and not toutE puissantE (female)

 At least Crowley and Aziraphale use tu around each other instead of using the formal vous. (Listen, the number of shows/movies where 2 characters are friends, but because of the age dynamic they get downed to vous – it’s annoying. I’m glad 6000 yrs of friendship meant they could use tu.)

 Agnes Nutter’s last name is Barge

 The way Crowley greets Hastur and Ligur “hey salut les gars” it’s so casual lamao

 When they’re going through the deeds of the day Crowley goes on to say “oké vous allez adorer – j’ai fait bugger tous les réseaux” he sounds so pleased

 Ciao remains but (according to my old notes – I don’t remember but this is what I wrote like this summer) apparently they go on to say that it means poule (chicken) and not food (so the ciao –chow pun is lost)

 The person from hell who comes through on Crowley’s radio (I was never sure who that was supposed to be) but anyways, that person, they use darling and in French it was translated as mon choux, which is cute and also really funny.

 The Japanese bit was not translated (so it’s still Michael Sheen we hear say the one Japanese line)

 French also does not have another word for cookie (cookie and biscuit – which is funny because in French the word used for cookie is biscuit) ANYWAYS so Sister Mary L says cookie but with a French accent.

 Aziraphael sounds like Azirafal.

 When Aziraphale asks Crowley what he wants to do next (or whatever the line was) and Crowley goes des litres, des fleuves, des océans d’alcool (litres, rivers, oceans of alcool)

 The drunk scene deserves a special mention

 Personal opinion: but Crowley’s VA grows more on you than Aziraphale’s VA. They both sound much younger than D. Tennant and M. Sheen. Sometimes the French VAs don’t... fit lol and fall a bit flat.

 Éternitéééééééééé

 Aziraphale’s “oh doux Jésus”

 Their voices as Nanny and brother Francis were sad.

 Warlock’s voice at age 5 was also sad.

 However warlock calls Nanny “Nounou” and that’s cute

 When Nanny sings the lullaby in French – bless them they tried lamao

 When Aziraphale does the practice magic trick to Crowley, Crowley goes on to complain and say “c’est toi que j’vais faire disparaître” and it’s a gem

 JEANNOT LE LAPIN BLANC (when Aziraphale presents his white rabbit) it’s a Gift.

 The Them = les Eux

 In her cottage = dans son cottage (did you even try)

 When God asks Aziraphale for the sword and Aziraphale describes it as it’s “machin coupant très aiguisé”

 Aziraphale uses vous for God, but God uses tu.

 John and Virtue Device à John et Virtue Bidule (another one of those literal translations.)

 Ok but this one annoyed me. Anathema’s name got changed to Anatheme and like sometimes I get it it’s cause of the way words are pronounced so when you dub you gotta find things that fit the movement of the lips as much as but Anatheme does NOT fit with Anathema. ALSO IT’S THE PERSON’S NAME. LIKE. (Re: see Harry Potter again.) aNYWAys.

 Dick Turpin gets changed to Jesse Janes ????

 Grow better is “et vous les filles, continuer de POUSSER” (so the plants get referred to as “girls”)

 Mme. Tracy’s line about the refined gentlemen (or whatever it is) is aux gentlemen avertis.

 Du beebop.

 When they return to the convent Crowley says “j’me demande où sont passés les nuns” he could have sais soeurs insteand of nuns.

 Aziraphale tells Crowley “tu es un gentil garçon » (you are a nice boy)

 Oh lord heal this bike à oh seigneur, réparez ce vélo

 Angel is sometimes mon ange and I’m die. (My angel.)

 The scene in Rome when Crowley asks “qu’est-ce que vous avez à boire?” He sounds So Done

 My dear fellow = mais mon cher camarade (my dear comrade lol)

 When they’re complaining about horses during the Shakespeare scene = oh aye aye les chevaux ça fait mal aux fesses

 Headquarters = maison mère

 The whole Bastille scene with the Jean Claude is lost because they’re already talking French

 Another transformation of angel is angelot (small angel)

 The description of the head cutting machine is une énorme machine coupeuse de têtes

 Pear shapped = boudain (really not the same thing.)  

 Obviously = manifestement

 During the Blitz scene, when Aziraphale is Super Proud he double crossed the Germans he goes on saying “vous vous petes faites pigeonner! Allez, hop, hop, hop”

 The German bit was kept as is

 When Crowley is tap dancing through the church, the French VA makes some key noises

 You go too fast for me = Tu roules trop vite pour moi (two things; the delivery of the line falls flat and tu roules is literally a driving reference so it’s like more car feeling than like moving in life)

 When Anathema offers the Them lemonade they translated it to citronade, instead of limonade. And I don’t get it.

 Wicked = mortel (Deadly)

When Shadwell mimics Aziraphale’s pip pip it’s something along the lines of hop hop hop espèce de tonton Suisse ????? I’m never sure what he says, but just – it’s a riot.

 I don’t even like you = je ne t’appréci même pas (I don’t appreciate you)

But then Crowley’s you dooo is tu m’adores which, is you adore me and I lost it.

 I’m soft = je ne suis pas un guerrier (I am not a warrior) and wow, okay, not the same, not the same impact. 0/10

 Michael sounds more like Mi-ka-el and meh ok.

 When Crowley talks to God when he’s having a minor existential crisis it – doesn’t deliver as much.

 Adam uses vous for Anathema

 When Pepper realises whales have got the good life she says “oh purée, j’ai trop envie d’être une baleine” (France French expressions are sometimes a whole riot on their own)

 Avocado was changed to amandes (almonds and I don’t know why)

 One big avocado = ce sera bientôt la fin des amandes (it’ll soon be the end of the almonds) re : ??

 You smell like poo = vous sentez vraiment la merde

 Crowley’s I’ve got an old friend here = tu tombes mal, j’ai d’la visite (I’ve got visit)

 Uriel tells Aziraphale “ton p’tit copain aux lunettes fumées” which is your little boyfriend with the dark sunglasses lamao

 Bandes de..... méchants anges! = you bad angels! It sounds more petulant though.

 The whole wrong shop allusion is lost in translation

 You stupid man = espèce de crétin

 Oh fuck = oh merde (really not the same intensity lol)

 The emotion and distress in the dire scene is l o s t . L

 When Crowley is in the bar and he asks for another bottle he asks for la p’tite soeur which means the little sister.

 When Crowley is like Aziraphale is that really you (when his ghost-spirit-nebulous appearance shows up in the bar) it sounds more disbelieving? But like in a what the hell is going on and less in awe/relief??

 Get a wiggle on = remuage des fesses (fesses is butt)

 Pollution sounds very young.

 The 3 other horse people use vous for death

 They had the French VA of Aziraphale say the spreichen ze deutsch bit and He Tried.

 Wahoo = woow

 Not just the southern pansy, THE southern pansy bit = pas simplement une tantouze sudiste, mon chéri, je suis LA tantouze sudiste

A)     He sounds so very pleased with himself

B)      And flirty?? Come hither??

C)      It’s perf

D)     Tantouze sudiste = a vulgar term for a homosexual man

 Shadwell uses vous for Mme. Tracy

 Cowwley = Rampra (when Lisa the insurance girl calls)

 Car = caisse

 When Adam yells his life to get evil out of him or whatever, in the flashback sequence when Ms. Young speaks to Adam when he was born, she speaks to him in French (not like in the Italian version where they just – did not translate that bit.)

 Crowley sounds very suave when he tells Aziraphale in Mme. Tracy’s body that he’ll take care of it when the military dude won’t let them through.

 Dagon à je suis présent not présente (so Dagon uses male words?? pronouns??)

 You were a good car – t’étais une caisse d’enfer

 Kick/lick some serious butt à brouter quelques derrières

 When Aziraphale tells Crowley they should wait before offing Adam the exchange is hilarious

It’s Aziraphale: Peut-être qu’on devrait attendre (maybe we should wait)

Crowley : Qu’il ait le droit de vote? (That he could vote?)

 Vous vous êtes rien vous êtes trop naz, Pepper

 I believe in peace, bitch à Moi je crois en la paix pétasse LOL

 They only buzzed Beelzeebub’s voice for their last line before Satan appears

 Crowley at Adam ok mon garçon

 Adam uses vous for Satan his dad, but then uses tu for him for t’es pas mon père lol

 Le truc cest que tas pu dcamp mon vieux – moi non plus dailleurs

 Their voices when they’re pretending to be each other

 Tickity boo à tout va très bien

 Je te rappelle que je suis un putain d’archange (I’m the archangel fucking Gabriel – or whatever that line was lol)

 Shut your stupid mouth and die already à Tu vas te la fermer ta grande bouche et te décider à mourir

 Beelzebu : il est revenu à ses origines – il a changé de bord instead of he’s gone native

 Miiichael mon pot, tu m’fais un p’tit miracle j’ai pas de serviette à When Aziraphael as Crowley asks Michael for a towel.

#good omens #bons présages #french #français #notes #comparison #crowley #aziraphale