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herstarburststories · 3 years

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He didn’t make it to 42

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: it’s Dean’s birthday, you go to visit him with some news and things that need to be said.

A/N: Happy bday, De.

Warnings: so much angst, mentions of sex, hopeful/happy ending (?)

Dean’s dead. It’s Dean’s birthday and he’s dead. You can’t argue much.

Sam denied the demon blood inside him, and that didn’t stop its evil nature from growing and gasping for his fresh air to the point he was almost shocked alive. Dean denied his dad’s destructive methods’ results for the longest time, and that didn’t stop the cicatrixes in every emotion he had ever shown. You denied the absence of Dean and that didn’t stop the bricks cracking in your soul. There’s only so far you can go with your eyes closed.

So here you are. Standing in front of an empty grave. You are bigger than the dull tombstone, yet you can’t help but not to feel tall, at all. How can you even start to talk? Talking to Dean used to be easy even when it got hard and now you’re feeling like a lost kid in a supermarket. Your snide thinking spells out his name with venom, saying it isn’t easy for you to open your barmy mouth and spill out contrarian shit because this isn’t Dean, just another meaningless symbolism that Sam promises that will help. The real Dean died almost a year ago, he was burned in a hunter’s funeral, the flames dancing over his body as the smell of burnt meat invaded your nostrils. Whenever you try to remember his fragrance, that manly aroma which you loved to scent each morning, all your brain can come up with is the odor of his skin and guts burning. The smell lingers like bad perfume, it doesn’t matter how many times you wash yourself with his soap-- that only broke your heart worse.

But today is Dean’s birthday. He deserves a visit, even if it’s not him. Then you go and attempt to deal with the desolation, push it away just a little, and pick up something from the enormous pile of things you wish to tell Dean. You glance at the cold tombstone: Dean Winchester. 1979 - 2020. Beloved son, big brother, and husband. Hunter. A hero. Simple definitions that can never make it up for who he was and what he meant. You purse your lips and cough a little, a gentle wind touches your cheek so tenderly. If you were still a believer, you’d think this is some sort of sign, Dean’s presence or some other pious hoax. All you do now is to remain in quietude, a deep breath. Ultimately, your voice comes:

‘’You didn’t make it to forty two, huh?’’ You scoff humorless, reminiscing to the multiple days that Dean said he wouldn’t go past 35. He did live each year like it was the last--- you aren’t sure if it's such a good thing. If you carry on like your days are outnumbered, you are silently entertaining yourself until death's knock on your door. ‘’I always hated when you were right. Let’s be honest, you had the words of a pessimist and the wants of an optimist. Still, if you were to be right about something, it would be about a bad situation. A nest with too many vampires, how crappy the motel’s bedroom would be, or how that third glass of wine would make me tipsy. So yeah, I always hated when you were right. And look at you now! You aren’t right, you aren’t wrong. You are dead! And I’m the crazy girl screaming at an empty tombstone.’’

You let out a laugh empty of joy. That’s how a hunter’s life is: you die and people stop talking about you because it’s too sad or too long gone to hold any pity, meanwhile the ones who recall about you go loud with all the spirits in their heads. You put your hand in the pockets of the heavy leather jacket that once belonged to a green eyed man who would be turning 42 today, some strange force causing you to speak again.

‘’Wow.’’ You shake your head to the blue way you paint the scene until you notice that you never greeted him. ‘’Hey.’’ The simple word adds a comical insult to injury. ‘’Guess the dead don’t care about manners, huh?’’ You arch your eyebrows with a grin that demonstrates anything but happiness. ‘’Miracle died. Sam digged a hole next to the bunker and buried him there. He isn’t the same since you died, you know? Not the deceased dog-- Well, he wasn’t the same either. Always whining and scratching your door like a fucking cat, and sniffing your old boots. He made me company in your bed and I whined as much as he did when you didn’t come back home that day. He stood by the door most days, waiting for you to appear. I can’t judge him, I did the same.’’ You shrug, not caring about how risible that confession may look. It's true. You became as irrational as a loyal dog at some point in this sorrow. ‘’And Sam, your baby brother… I think he died with you right there, Dean. He didn’t try to bring you back as he promised, but I shouted and screamed so much. I said I would burn the bunker and throw Baby over a cliff if he didn’t-- if he didn’t let me try. I lived up to the mad woman title.’’

You are crestfallen, pacing on top of where the eldest Winchester - Sam’s brand new nomination - supposedly was buried. You know your boots barely touch an infected land, there's no deceased man under your steps. The dead thing is in you.

‘’I spent days dragging your body everywhere and nowhere, anywhere I could catch a crumb of relief in hope to bring you back. But I couldn’t. Jack could, but that ungrateful idiot doesn’t wanna follow his grandpa steps and get too attached to mere humans, the creation or whatever. As if we are just some skin and bone to him, as if you are just another human.’’

You sit down on the tombstone, some tender solace in being close to a thing that's supposed to represent him, like sleeping hugged to a pillow or waking up to a photograph of his. Your nails sink against the gelid concrete at the thought of screaming into the sky for the new God that seemed as deaf as the last one. His calm answer to your burning pain. How he dared to tell you he knew what he was doing— as if he was the original lord and not a three years old. You can't make him do it, so you hold on the fury of some overthrown nation.

‘’Anyway, I couldn’t bring you back. Your body, well, you know how human anatomy works. Your body started to smell like death. We tried to stop with human and magic ways, and it wouldn’t work because you were dead. You should’ve seen the doctor’s face when we got you in that fancy hospital tha night. I think we traumatized the doctor with so much violence and trauma. She didn’t even give us a false hope or anything, you know? She just asked about organ donation of what was left. She just wanted to take every little thing out of you, as if you were just another accident on a Tuesday night.’’ Your shake your head as the memories and your points start to mix, it's hard to discern things and keep a straight line when you have an open wound in your insides. ‘’Well, they couldn’t bring you back to life, and neither could Rowena or whatever I looked for. Don’t be mad because I tried, Winchester. You know I’m too stubborn for my own good. I had to try.’’ you refuse to apologize, yet adds the playful words in his eulogy. ‘’But then your body started to stink and God, how could I continue to be so violent to your corpse? That was when I decided to listen to you for the first time and to Sam, so I let you go. I hate you for asking that.’’ What an ambiguous, contradictory truth to bare. You are glimpses of a person for months because of Dean Winchester, still have the energy to argue his selfless logic, just to love him even more. He's got your devotion, but man you can hate him sometimes. ‘’I hate you for going on that stupid hunt. I hate you for being dead, you giant idiot that I love so much.’’ You can't bring your mouth to say loved. "I was always telling you to let the past go and now I’m in love with a dead thing. What a comic way to end our history. I told you that Miracle died, right? I don’t know if dogs go to heaven, but I hope he’s in there with you. I wonder what your heaven is like. I bet it has Whiskey.''

Your dry chuckle makes your notice the tears in your eyes, glistening your orbs as they go like a waterfall to be absorbed by the thirsty land after leaving your cheeks.

"Sam and I-- We tried to make some sense out of this cruelty, but we can’t. You are dead and I can’t seem to put it past me. I still sleep in your bed, and I can still taste your body burning on the roof of my mouth in the quiet nights. I cried this morning because someone asked for a burger, can you believe that? It was so stupid since I used to shake my head and argue with you about cholesterol. Suddenly I was crying at lunch in a restaurant because some stupid kid asked for a burger with extra bacon. They sang Happy birthday to this dumbass child, and I interrupted with my awful crying, and wished that you were celebrating your birthday and not that kid. I guess you could say I wish death upon an innocent child with a problematic eating routine.’’ That was a whole new level of low, as if you are the one wrapped with the sentiment of laying six feet under.

‘’Everyone tells you about how grief is singular and particular with similar emotions that bring people who went through this together. They even have that crap stages thing and all that. You know what they don’t tell you?’’ Your mouth shuts for a moment, like you are waiting some response. You nod as if whatever you were expecting is handed to you. ‘’Grief can be fucking ridiculous. Who cries because of a burger full of oil and cardiac diseases? Who cries because they found a grocery store recipe under her dead boyfriend’s bed? Who falls on the ground screaming in the middle of the mall because they saw a flannel? Who? Those things are so stupid.’’ You smile like there's no tomorrow and the laugh leaving your lips is a treacherous tone. Perhaps you just aren't build up to express joy anymore. ‘’You see it in the movies and in the books and you think, you know, you think to yourself that grieving is being sad on special dates and randomly remembering the loved ones because of some screaming memory, like a flannel or their perfume. Thing is, it’s not just that. All your body seems so small, so tight for all the ache and agony inside it. Your senses go wild, you are not just one person in one place. You’re just the pain everywhere, like being pulled apart and you beg to jump in the fucking grave with them. At least you would be together, at least you would feel like one person and not suffering edges of a broken earthy thing. And--And you start remembering things you didn’t even know you had mesmerized. I look at the ceiling and remember you saying you’d paint it someday. I look at the kitchen and remember me screaming at you for giving Miracle the rest of the food. I smell Sam’s clothes and started crying because hey, they don’t smell like alcohol. You don’t iron them while drinking anymore, so of course they don’t smell like cheap beer.’’ You are chuckling through the tears and it only makes it more monstrous. ‘’Everything is you now that you are gone. Every man has something similar to you, every garden is green as your eyes, and each step sounds like you are coming home. They didn’t prepare me, not for this.’’ You said breathless. A soft single follows. The knife cuts both ways; the empty breeze and the words hurt. Where's the middle term? Where's the limbo? Where's the only safe place for you to rest your weary head?

Out of nowhere, you blurt out, ‘’I can’t masturbate,’’ I know it’s something stupid and even selfish to say, but I think you’d like to know. I can’t masturbate. That’s a part of the whole losing someone process that people are too ashamed to discuss, or maybe they don’t have the urge to be touched anymore because after someone you love dies, after someone-- the hands who touched are dead and cold, you become a haunted object. That’s how I feel most days, like I’m a haunted house because you touched me and now you’re dead and some days I believe I am too.’’ You look around the places. It's beautiful. It's lonely. It has trees and flowers and green. Not as green as Dean's eyes, but it doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't even have eyes at this point. ‘’Well, I can’t masturbate. I can’t touch myself. And I can’t ask someone else either. I tried and ended up punching the guy, Dean. I swear. I panicked when he was between my legs and just punched his nose. You’d have liked it, you were always the jealous kind. I won’t admit that, but I thought it was kinda hot. Especially when you got possessive in sex.’’ A dirty grin appeared on your lips, the echoes of luxury lasting in your eyes for a brief moment. ‘’I don’t think I can be cared for anymore, honestly. Sam tried to hug me when Miracle died and I… It was like I wasn't there. I got frozen in time, and I live in my sleep. In my nightmares you are alive. I dream about the day you died every week and I used to wake up screaming, but now those nightmares are the only proof you were alive now that you’re as dead as the police report says this time. It was the most painful, calamitous moment for you and I swear it was a nightmare for me, but then I realized that at least I had you there, egoistical or not, I made my nightmare into a dream.’’ You aren't sure which opinion Dean would have on that. Would he understand? Would he shake his head? You wish you can ask him just this one more thing, just beg him to write it down for you on how to be without him here.

You raise on your feet, glaring at the name craved in the concrete. The tears go by still, although they're as usual as the blood in glir veins at this point. ‘’Death is so silly. What it takes, anyway?" Each word conquers more inches of pure wrath. ''People die because they stumbled on their own feet and hit their head somewhere, or they drove their car too close and too fast to the cliff, or because they were giving birth, or because they dated the wrong person, or because they were hunting a fucking vampire and got impaled. What are the chances? How stupid, and idiotic is death? Always creeping and waiting to bite and chew a piece of you-- Taking every scrap of you from me like that’s its right.’’ You are screaming, starting to kick and punch the tombstone with any piece of straight you have. Your limbs hurt and the blood is visible, but you keep going. ‘’YOUR STUPID DOG DIED, DEAN! AND YOU DIED! AND I DIED! SAMMY DIED! YEAH, IS SAID SAMMY! GO AHEAD, TELL ME ONLY YOU CAN CALL HIM THAT.’’ Another punch, your knuckles are ripped. Another kick, your boot as a hole. ‘’DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.’’ Kick. ‘’SAMMY, SAMMY, SAMMY!’’ A punch to each name. Anything to get a reaction, to get comfort. Anything. ‘’YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.’’ Gasping for something you don't need anymore, sweet oxygen, your eyes are on the tombstone again. And the definitions. And the trees. Your body is sore and aching. It is the kind and coercion no person wants which you needed; the freedom of feeling outside the exact pain that was inside. ‘’You can’t because you are dead. I’ve been playing some sick games in my mind, you know? Sam stopped hunting and had his closure. He was always better at letting go than you and I, but he’s still hurting. I never saw him hurting so much. I think he knows you won’t come back this time, how could you make us promise something like that? Well, my twisted game is a bunch of misleading what ifs. What if you hadn’t gone after John? What if you hadn’t gone on that last hunt? What if you had stayed with Lisa? At first I didn’t like her much. Jealous, I admit that. But she grew on me. She gave you something I couldn’t back then and I’ll always be thankful for that. And even though it would rip me apart, I’d rather you to die at sixth after living your suburban dream with her. Have another kid besides Ben, maybe a girl this time, and just have that apple pie life. You and Sam would live close and your kids would always play. They’d be as close as brothers. Maybe I’d get a guy and bring my own kids and we could’ve a barbecue and everyone would be happy. But we don’t get soft epilogues here. It ends how it starts, right? Bloody and desperate. I thought maybe, maybe Lisa could understand what’s going through my head now. I drove to her new address and parked close to her house. I must have spent hours there, thinking if I should come in or not, If she somehow remembered after Castiel died or if I could make her brain work again if I told her the truth. But then I just drove back home and fell asleep wrapped in that stupid lumberjack flannel of yours. The one I always mocked, yeah? She may understand me, but I know you wouldn’t want that. You want her, you want me and Sam to be happy. I don’t know if I can do that, Dean. It’s like myt brittle soul shrewd and my body is just waiting to collapse.’’ You signed, overwhelmed by the battle without an anthem. The victory with no triumph. Is it still a win when you don't have someone to come home too? ‘’Your dog died, it’s the first birthday you didn’t live to see, and I bought all the things you told Mrs Butters you wanted for your birthday because it’s your birthday. I just don’t know how to celebrate it with you dead. People stop counting after they die, right? They just say he’d have been 42 or he died at 41. They give melancholy smiles when they wake up and check the day on their phones and a woe atmosphere swallows them for the rest of the day. Then they get better the next day. I think everyday is your birthday.’’ You attempt to wipe away your tears, which only causes your pulsating hand to stain your face red. ‘’Dean, for the first time, what died stayed dead! Congrats.’’ Once again, a hysterical laugh. ‘’I wish but no. What died didn’t stay dead, you are alive, so alive in my head. I swear you are there some days. I wake and watch the door, so sure you’ll come back. Sam says I’m living in delusion and I have to wake up and keep going since that's what you would want. That's enough to make him keep going, but it only makes me angry. Everyone we know and some strangers looks at me like I'm a house on fire and no longer a warm home, like I'm a car accident. They think I don't notice but I do.’’ You look at your boots, the whole is rolling out blood like your hands. You feel closer to Dean. How sick.

‘’Help, I’m still right where you left me." You plea, his love lingering like a bruise. ''I think gravity is overwhelming and it keeps me here. Sometimes it’s like I’m one of those dusted books Sam used to read. Or those Bukowski ones that you hid, so we wouldn’t see how smart you’re. You tried so hard to hide your intelligence because you didn’t think you were entitled to it. You saw yourself as the protector and never the valuable one for protection. You, the man who made an EMF out of an old radio, who rebuilt the Impala from the ground multiple times, and who knew patterns better than any detective. The man who showed me I could rely on someone other than myself. The dude with a lopsided grin, tough hands and a heart of gold. I miss you so much. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were singing all those classic rock songs and Taylor Swift pop hits, while I drove here. I would think you were home, smelling like guts because you wanted to eat before taking a shower after a hunt. I would think that you are in the Deancave, waiting for me to curl up on your lap to watch Scooby Doo or Doctor Sexy MD until we aren’t watching anymore. If I didn’t know better I would think no death could take you from me. There would be no tear us apart in our vows.’’ The only thing that keeps your organism working is that Dean died knowing how much you loved him. You never let this talk for later or never. No tomorrow is promised. That's a nice comfort, maybe that's what will help you to let go in the future. ‘’But yesterday your stupid, skink dog died and I lost the last living thing that I had from you. You know what’s more angerting? I cried and Sam cried and I noticed we were the living things you left behind and all we have is each other. All your closets of backlogged dreams were left for us-- so yeah. Sam is done hunting and he’s met a lovely girl, and they are moving in like in your domestic dreams. I’m taking care of the family business like your other contradictory dream and making sure Sam is safe enough to be normal. Because I have to, we have too. Stupidly enough, I still wait for the day you’ll burst out the door and tell us to hit the road again. I still watch every episode of your dumb tv shows to make sure I’ll know everything that happened when you ask. I still drive around in your car and close my eyes when the street is calm, only picturing you driving as Baby’s engineers go wild but those are my hands on the steering wheel. If I didn't know better, I’d think you are still around. But I know better. I still feel you all around. I love you.’’

Your monologuing ends as astutely as it stated. You get up, press a kiss to your ruined for the next weeks hands and place it on the rock with writings. You turn around and walk back to the car that you parked near, only in case of Dean wanting to see Baby. How knows? You and your clandestine faith. You lick your lip and get in the car.

You swear you the AC/DC cassette wasn't there before, but when you turn on the car and the radio it starts playing. It's the first true smile that comes to your mouth, it's bloodstained and you look like a shameless woman. With that you can deal.

It hurts a bearable hurt for now. You didn't think it was possible. Maybe someday.

The end.

(she takes a little longer to arive in heaven than sammy. his baby brother says that women are most likely to live around six years more than men. it doesn't ease him up, though. dean waited sam for too long, his platonic soulmate. and now he has to wait his romantic one too? the eldest Winchester considers it the best earthly present when the he sense you around, that smell of orange and apples. it's you, he knows before even turning around. he can't wait to love you again. your name rolls off your tongue so naturally, as if you had seen each other just yesterday: ‘’hey, y/n.’’)

But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?

REBLOG AND COMMENT. Feedback is magic and helps me!

Starburst's footnote: It just didn't feel right to make an author's note on the top. I wanted it all only to be an arrow to the story. So, this is my side note: it's six am and I'm up writing this after inspiration kissed me with a bruise in the middle of the night. Or more like grabbed my throat. Anyway, I had to write and finish this one to post today, even pushing sleep aside. Hey, we are writers, that's what we do! I've been watching the show since I was eleven and I cried like a baby with the finale. This series was just so important and crucial to molde aspects of relationships for me. The song marjorie by Taylor Swift was used here, and so was the line "you got my devotion/ but man, I can hate you sometimes" by Harry Styles. I told you guys I would use it somewhere! A special thanks to @msmarvelouswinchester who helped me with her encouraging and opinon. You are the best! And with all of this I wanna say: Happy bday, Dean Winchester!

REBLOG AND COMMENT! Feedback is magic! Especially about this fic, I’d like to know your opinion. Tags in the reblog! Send an ask or dm to get in the taglist.

#dean winchester #dean's birthday #dean winchester x reader #dean x you #dean winchester's birthday #dean winchester x you #supernatural #spn #dean winchester imagine #supernatural imagines #spn reader insert #dean winchester headcanon #dean winchester imagines

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ashiromina · 2 years

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Meme time! Thank you 💕💕💕 Robin 💕💕💕 @reinerist 💕💕💕 for tagging me, you angel you 💕💕💕 sorry I took forever and a day 🙈

Under a read more because it ended up long 🤭

----- #1

Favorite color: Red 💋

Currently reading: I'm thinking of catching up with the Jjk manga, I've been quite in the reading block lately 😭

Last song: "Love to see you cry" by Enrique Iglesias, my shuffle is amazing that way

Last series: Inventing Anna

Last movie: Scream (2022)

Sweet, savory, or spicy: Spicy

Currently working on: I'm going to try to download photoshop again so hopefully I can start playing around again... I miss it honestly

Four songs I’ve been into lately: This changes weekly according to my shuffle lolol but! "INVU" by Taeyeon // "Can't fight this feeling" by Junior Caldera ft. Sophie Ellis Bextor // "Summer Son" by Texas // "Get into my heart" by Miyavi vs シシド・カフカ

What are 5 things I love talking about: Obanai and Mitsuri have been giving me all the feelings so always and forever them // World Trigger everyone please read it (I will not shut up about Yuichi sorry not sorry) // the Shadowhunters series // JACK VESSALIUS (caps intended) // YU KANDA (also caps intended) // anyways my eternal love for tea and honestly whatever book or show or movie I last watched or game I played and I really enjoyed

----- #2

Let’s get to know our animanga fandom mutuals/followers better? 💕

01. how did you find out about anime? Since childhood? Tmi time hey! My first anime were when I was about 5-6, Sailor Moon (it was on tv every afternoon, super badly dubbed but I lived for it) and Attack No. 1 (this one was on every Sunday morning and my dad used to watch it with me); I watched Inuyasha and Tokyo Mew Mew in highschool a lot, and then I started reading the manga my friends back then used to. I got back into it more when I was 19 due to a friend recommending me Ouran Highschool Host Club. And Death Note was ridiculously popular at uni lmao quite questionable how so many law students loved Light but hey ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ c'est la vie

02. what’s your favorite anime? Hmm hard to say. I'll focus first on anime only and not anime based on manga, because that's an entire different thing. So... Free! I would say Free! is honestly my absolute favourite because it hit home with some stuff when it first aired. I related with Haruka a lot. Additionally, it's anime only so it suits this category best! I also enjoyed the visuals and animation of K Project a lot; they were surreal. And if I'm going for anime based on manga (I generally prefer the manga honestly) I would say Natsume Yuujinchou, Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun and Fma:b have some of the best anime adaptations. Kny anime is doing well so far too!! For anime based on games, Utapri and Amnesia were great.

03. do you have a favorite j-music/k-pop group/singer? Miyavi, Taeyeon, SNSD, BiSH, The Oral Cigarettes, EXO, Shinhwa, Orange Caramel

04. when is your bday? and how old are you? 9 october // 31 years old (the pandemic birthdays shouldn't count, so I should be 29 forever still)

05. currently, what is your favorite fandom anime? World Trigger, Kny and Jjk

06. despite the ups and downs on tumblr, what motivates you to stay here today and do your best? Out of sheer spite. Lololol. Honestly even if I go on hiatus sometimes, I can't see myself ever leaving this website for good. I met some of my best and closest friends here, and I'm still connecting with new friends about new interests, so it's a nice little happy corner. My grandchildren will inherit my canon urls, I kid you not. Truthfully, no other social media can ever compare.

07. finally create yourself in this picrew: link

Tagging (for either/or and only if you want, no pressure!!) 💕 @misakarose 💕 @spike-spiegels 💕 @ozvasselius 💕 @reigenphobe 💕 @childeapologist 💕 @kurozero 💕@keikuns 💕

#text #meme

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reveriesofawriter · 2 years

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2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

thank u @clumsyclifford for the tag :))

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 14 full fics (arguably, I could expand on any of those at any given moment) and a chapter of one that I do want to post as a weekly chapter update thing as soon as it's done (or as a bi-weekly update with the first part being story and the second being babysitting) but idk if I have the patience for that

2. Word count posted for the year: 55,007 words posted

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 5sos & atl

4. Pairings: in descending order starting with the most fics - jalex, merrikat, rilex, malum, mashton, and an atl ot4 who did I become for that week writing that idek

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments:

kudos: We Dream Impossible Dreams and Knock Me Out (hit me with your punch-drunk love) are tied for first place, probably bc bella sings their praises 😌

bookmarks: Knock Me Out once again

comment threads: Impossible Dreams

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): I feel like it's cheating to claim my all too well fic collabs with @tirednotflirting as things I'm most proud of but it's not just the writing but the fact that we actually did that and it was not only coherent but pretty fuckin good?? yeah I'm proud of us for that. for the things I wrote on my own, bella's bday fic probably takes that title just because it's always intimidating to write things for people, especially other writers, and even more so on their birthdays, but also I cannot believe I managed to come up with 5 reasons someone would punch someone else that weren't like unnecessarily aggressive, that was truly the biggest challenge of all

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): none of the works I'm not proud of have found their way to ao3 (if I don't think it's worthy of posting then likely no more than two people have seen it) I'm proud of everything on there :))

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: bella consistently calls me a criminal, which I love. my sole goal is to stay on her public enemy list. bella's comments in general are like reading a summary of the fic with yelling interspersed it's so funny I adore them like

also my friends who have read my writing and told me I should write a book 👀 I love you

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: uhhhhh the last 4-5 months of the year? I mean I was still writing, to an extent, but I wasn't writing anything to post for a while and I'm sure that'll loop back around, so I should probably ride this writing high while I can

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: how much time do we have lol okay The more you treat me cruel felt so out of my wheelhouse and I can't explain why but in the end I like how it turned out, the entirety of if you leave the light on, then I'll leave the light on because it felt out of character for me to write but it's still really good and not to gloat but I don't think many people could have written that the same way I did without crossing any nsfw lines but also the tenderness of it all idk it felt like it came out of nowhere and a majority of it was written in my phone notes before it ever saw a doc because I didn't expect it to all go together into one story

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: all of starlight fic? every bit of original dialogue in the elevator fic? everything in the street lightning fic? all of the kid scenes in One more time for second chances that I technically wrote last year but haven't posted? *rian in tower of truth voice* you guys haven't seen it yet. also bella says this part in light on:

Jack didn’t wake up whenever Alex had left, although if he thinks about it he can feel Alex falling asleep against him, a memory of mist that could disappear if he tries to touch it now. So he doesn’t. He doesn’t think about how, if Alex had stayed, he could have seen Jack with his glasses on. He could have seen the way the sunlight comes in over the top of the next building in the mornings and leaves a yellow-orange glow on his wall, turning his room into a kaleidoscope when the light hits his mirror. He could have learned that’s part of what makes Jack a morning person, even when he’s mildly hungover. They could have nursed their hangovers together. Jack doesn’t think about it.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: let me take another moment to say how writing with sam made me a better writer and taught me how to marry description and dialogue better to where I can write things like street lightning without overthinking the way people talk and how to fit that in with talking about like the metaphor of catching fireflies in a jar

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I'd love to see what I can learn from a co-write with bella 👀 also I want to finish this thing I'm working on and slide into cmq's dms like hey wanna read this and tell me if it's any good? 👀

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): @tirednotflirting and @clumsyclifford obviously, they are all of the above, so much so that part of their gifts this past chrismukkah were based on things we've all written. let me brag for a second and describe the magic: sam got a set of pastel pencils etched with a line from a bella fic, bella got a little sticky note pad with a photo I took and a line from a sam fic, and sam also got a little painted dinosaur planter from our all too well sequel 😌

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: mostly just my music taste lmao no there's a fair amount of projection that goes into them but most of it doesn't directly come from things in my life since I'm not exactly full of romantic life experiences to write about and I can't (yet) do justice to the feeling of driving or open night skies or concerts with friends

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: first and foremost, writing is supposed to be fun. this isn't a job, no amount of other people's [perceived or real] expectations of you should put pressure on you to write if you're not feeling it, and if you're not enjoying anything from the experience of writing, then take a break. words will find you when you're ready. in the meantime, nurture some other hobbies or habits you want to try to keep up. inspiration can come from anywhere, not just from sitting at a keyboard and forcing yourself to get words out.

that being said, no two people have the same writing style, both in terms of method and voice. don't worry about writing the same thing as someone else (unless you're doing a plagiarism on purpose then knock that shit off) because two people falling in love at a coffee shop will always be cute no matter how many times you read it.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: well first of all I need to finish adventures in babysitting so I can start posting that regularly, unrelated to fics I want to write more poetry to submit to journals and magazines, my first one was accepted two days ago (!) and I want to keep that energy going into this year

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. ahhhhhh I'm skipping this one, everyone do it, everyone is interesting

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bean-pole-art · 3 years

Text

Ed’s Borderlands Fics Masterpost

well finally

here is the masterpost of all of my Borderlands fics posted. most of them are Rhysothy focused to various AUs. I’m gonna update it as I post more but here it is, along with some of my commentary

right from the start big big BIG shoutout to @spoks-illogical-art, my partner in crime, my biggest inspo, without them honestly most of these fics wouldn’t exist, please check out their amazing art <3

(latest edit - 21/02/2021)

Atlas AU - our main timeline, follows events of Moxxi’s Heist. lots of different concepts and ideas but the core really is Tim moving to Promethea to get help from Rhys. gonna sort em here with posting date, check the ao3 series for the “timeline”

Hypothetically - 2240 words summary: Rhys talks a lot, but usually thinks about it too little.

coffee, cats & monographs - 2880 words summary: “Hey hey, easy. You don’t want to repeat the accident from last week, do you?” Rhys cooed towards the cat and picked her up, just as Timothy instructed him to. Hearing these words, Felicity meowed. “Oh, don’t say that. This is my office and I have the power here,” he answered, carrying her back to his personal space.

Or Timothy's cat pays a visit to Rhys' office in the morning. note: I am a stupid mofo and at this point Tim would also have Loader Bot fkjbfd just imagine hes not mentioned cause hes wandering off, typical LB

Have Faith - 1470 words summary: During the 7 year lockdown at the Handsome Jackpot, Timothy couldn't really have any hope for himself. But maybe on Promethea it could be different. note: sudden feelings while watching JoltzDude139′s stream

Warm Cheeks, Cold Hands - 1170 words summary: Rhys comes home early and wants to say hi to his husband. With no ulterior motive. None at all. note: first fic Ive ever posted where characters are married, actually. fuck it, Rhysothy Real, his name is Rhys Lawrence

the battle (and the aftermath) of the ages - 2970 words summary: In a situation like this everything was possible, they could pull any punches they could think of. Four beasts playing against each other, every single one of them thinking of striking the winning blow.

Or Promethea Squad plays UNO. And then watches a movie. note: I love Promethea Squad with my whole heart

okurimono (贈り物) - 4/4, 17170 words summary: “Not a bomb. Just a device with a message for Rhys. Trust me on that,” this time an emoji of both winking and showing off a tongue [;P] appeared on the surface of Zer0’s helmet. Ah. So they were definitely trying to mess him up. In a way. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have any other options. Almost with a defeat, Timothy took the ECHOrecorder right from their hands and looked around it again. Or Zer0 gives Timothy a peculiar mission. note: my first ever multichapter fic. took me legit abt 8 months to finish but I am absolutely satisfied with this. also the bonus ending. yes

(there is) something I see in you - 8690 words summary: How one Rhys Strongfork met one Timothy Lawrence and how they fell for each other. More or less. note: best to go into this one blind, I swear. dumbest fic Ive ever written and please take this as a recommendation

this world is gonna pull through - 14380 words summary: Timothy really hoped it wasn’t anything important. He had that tendency to forget things easily, even if he tried to fight it. But Rhys kept on smiling and went by his side. So it couldn’t have been that bad. Still dumbfounded, he felt Rhys leaving a kiss right on his cheek.“November 11th?

That- That seriously doesn’t ring any bells?” Rhys continued, brushing his hands against his shoulders. Or how Timothy spent one of his birthdays. note: also a love letter for Tim but a nicer one I guess kdjfnb dont ask how old is he i have no gdamn idea man

Strawberry Sweet - 3560 words summary: Rhys surprises Timothy with a gift for their date night in.

Happy Mercenary Day, Mr. Lawrence - 4670 words summary: How Timothy spent his first Mercenary Day on Promethea. note: I swear this is the best writer night Ive ever had. Ive written this whole thing in one night on Christmas day, solely on the inspo of that song I linked

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - 4/4, 17080 words summary: Afterwards, he went around with his usual duties. Getting a quick roundabout from his PA, checking several sectors himself and looking through the thousands of messages already sent to him via ECHOs. Rhys was ready to finally take on the day, yet when he made his way to the office, he saw the unusual envelope right by the edge of his desk. “For Rhys” was written on it. Straightforward enough. Or Rhys gets a letter from a secret admirer. note: another multichapter fic!! this one also took some time and well. its inspired by ABBA songs. cause only I would write a Rhysothy fic inspired by ABBA

Ratchet Effect - 7130 words summary: Knowing just how much overworked Rhys has been, Timothy wants to let them have a nice getaway in Lazy River Land. There's only one problem to overcome - ratch infestation. note: first fic of 2021!! Ive been playing a lot of bl3 suring the writing of it so it has a lot of stuff I had observed both on Promethea and on Jackpot

Reflections - 2250 words summary: Sometimes, Timothy needs a reminder.

Tales AU - second most important timeline. it’s Tales but Tim is a part of the group. sorted chronologically

A Story For Another Day - ongoing, for now - 2/25, 15280 words Tales AU main fic. it’s gonna be a big one

Connection Interrupted - 3240 words summary: With his driving shift finished, Timothy checks up on Rhys and Vaughn's plans.

Completely Hopeless - 1040 words summary: In which Fiona notices that Rhys behaves differently in front of a certain doppelganger.

infinity times infinity times infinity - 3460 words summary: Rhys and Timothy share some dreams and secrets underneath the stars. note: the beautiful combination of Sleeping At Last and Minecraft parodies. I promise it makes sense

reality can be whatever I want - 11420 words summary: “Hey, Tim?” Timothy didn’t even spare him a look, “Are we alone, or is he there with you?” Oh, this definitely won’t be pretty.

After the confession of Handsome Jack's AI in his head and his plan to infiltrate Helios, Rhys needs to set things right with Timothy. Somehow. note: thanosdancing.gif to Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” 80′s remix and a guest appearance from Ferocity but I cant legally say her name here

still here - 2820 words summary: It all had to go down, after Helios crashed. note: I have...a love/hate relationship with this one kjdfbfg I like it but it’s honestly an alternate ending and doesnt fit within our usual bad ending, so take it with a grain of salt. i ten jebany błąd językowy w summary, kiedy ja go poprawię

together at last - 5590 words summary: It all struck him down in an instant, in this one minute. They were all safe. And they were all alive. Nothing was threatening neither him, nor Timothy, nor Fiona. He could finally breathe out.

They all found each other again. note: I am multitasking most time of my life but I dont relate any other fic to multitasking more than this one. I was honestly doing 10 things at once while writing this dfkjbndf

David AU - this one is a sub AU to Tales AU and the plot is kind of complicated dfjkbfb please check the fic for further explanation

building in curved lines - 22490 words summary: “To be fair, you look terrible. You’re barely standing in one piece and none of your coffees will hold you together for that long,” Lilith paused, seemingly weighing the correct words in her head. “You haven’t really been holding on since… We rescued The Double.” Rhys sighed heavily. Why did she have to be so right about everything. Or how Rhys and Timothy adjust to the reality after the Handsome Jack AI. note: bday gift for Spok, EASILY one of my absolute faves and the longest fic Ive written thus far

outside of AUs - some concepts I play with that are honestly outside any of our concrete timelines/concepts + fics not focused on Rhysothy

Real - 770 words summary: Reconciling with your past is a little easier, when you have someone you love right in your arms. note: first blands fic I’ve ever written. the characterization isn’t really there yet but as a first shot at the game and my kind of “introduction”, I am still satisfied of it

(Un)Familiar Faces - 9620 words summary: Timothy pursed his lips and leaned over the wall a little. He’s had enough of this solitude of closed doppelganger cabinet. Today wasn’t the day for another self-loathing session. Today, he should go off on Helios and do something for himself.

Or Timothy spends the night at a Helios bar. But not as Handsome Jack. And not as Timothy Lawrence either. note: personal favorite of mine, tough love letter to Timothy Lawrence. I have so many fond memories of writing this, including getting drunk out of my mind just like Tim and Rhys here

basics of survival - 2010 words summary: Athena taught Timothy everything he needed to know about survival. Now, it was time to put these skills into use. note: wrote this right before rona outbreak on last day in my dorms. thats all

#borderlands #fic masterpost #fanfiction #fanfic #rhysothy #rhys strongfork #timothy lawrence #just tagging characters that I write the most #fiona the con artist #zer0 the assassin #lorelei the coffee commander #athena the gladiator #Ędi's writing

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morgoonasstark · 3 years

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thanks for tagging me @shadyladyperfection

name/nickname: jenna

star sign: taurus

height: 5′8″

time: 12:24 pm, but i wrote this down a few nights ago to type up later

bday: april 21

favorite bands: sleeping at last, panic! at the disco... i’m realizing i primarily listen to solo artists

favorite solo artists: tyler glenn, ariana grande, hozier, halsey

song stuck in my head: waving through a window from dear evan hansen. i know jack shit about the play but spotify recommended some of the tracks to me a few days ago and i vibe with it.

last movie: the parent trap, the one with lindsey lohan

last show: wandavision. it is no secret on my blog that i do not care for wanda at all but WOW this show is good so far.

when did i create this blog: ... i don’t like the answer i have for this. i’ve been on tumblr since 2012. i don’t think this is the same blog i originally created and i’ve taken year-long breaks from the site but either way i’ve been here for too long.

what do i post: just a random assortment of crap honestly. doctor who, mcu, video games. some exmormon stuff that i’m sure nobody follows me for but it’s my blog i do what i want.

last thing i googled: “when do wandavision episodes release” lol

other blogs: @specialagentsergio for criminal minds and writing

do i get asks: nah

why i chose my url: bc tony calling morgan “morgoona” is just so hecking cute. i used to post so much more marvel before endgame...

following: 335 which sounds like a lot but since i’ve had this blog for so long, i’m sure a lot of them are inactive.

average hours of sleep: about 5 to 7 on work nights bc i regularly make bad decisions about my sleep on those days. on non-work nights, 9 to 10, sometimes even 12.

lucky number: don’t really have one? maybe 21.

instrument: violin. very much a beginner.

what am i wearing: my pajamas. shorts with that little cartoon avengers pattern and a t-shirt.

dream job: if my brain allowed me to retain information in an academic setting, i’d want to go to med school and be an E.R. doctor. as it stands, i’m content with my current job at a residential treatment center.

dream trip: ugh god i want to go so many places; i was born and live on the west coast of the united states and the farthest i’ve ever traveled is fucking indiana lol (a state on the east side of the usa). i really want to go on a tour of europe.

nationality: american

favorite song: mean question, but i guess i’ll go with devil by tyler glenn bc i have a shirt with one of the lyrics on it

last book i read: the camelot betrayal by kiersten white

tags: @sad--gittarius @jamestfortitsoutkirk @bisexualamy @pokemeown @resting-meme-face but no pressure!

#tag games #lyric is 'i found myself when i lost my faith' if ur curious

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lamptracker · 5 years

Note

Mob!tom anon here, how are you dear? I looooved what you wrote about Jack's bday! Now what about just the two of them going to a gala and Tom sees that Jack is way more scary than hin when threatening people?

Hey, I’m great! The play is over and the directors said I was fantastic! Next year, we’re doing the sequel and I’ve already been cast in that. It’s a different, slightly larger part. Not bad for my first-ever acting gig, right? I missed you, dear

Tom’s eyes scan the room as he sips from a flute of champagne. He attends this dreadfully boring gala every year, to make business connections. Now that Jack is old enough to drink, Tom allowed him to tag along.

So far, Jack looks monumentally bored. Tom can’t blame him, these things are always boring. But he gets some great tips at these things, so it’s worth a few hours of banal chit-chat. Especially if there’s an open bar.

And it’s not that Tom doesn’t enjoy showing you off, but if he’s this bored he can’t imagine what it’s like for you. So he always lets you off the hook, letting you choose how to fill your time instead. Sometimes it’s a shopping spree; this time, you’re on a weekend in Ibiza with your girlfriends.

Tom’s just about to give up and call it a night when in walks Matteo Ricci. Matteo is a rival boss, from Rome; he and Tom have a... well, a tenuous relationship. They’ve been business partners a few times, but if Tom had his druthers Matteo would be six feet under right now. And it’s safe to say Matteo feels the same about Tom.

Tom bristles as he sees Matteo grab a flute of champagne from a passing cocktail waitress and walk right over to where Jack is standing. Tom knows Jack can handle himself, but he stealthily makes his way over anyway.

“So,” Matteo says, a smirk crossing his face, “you’re Holland’s boy, yeah?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Is it just me, or is your old man slipping these days? He’s going a little soft, if you ask me.”

Jack’s brow furrows. “How’d you figure?”

Matteo laughs. “He’s been awfully quiet lately, it’s not really his style, you know?”

“My dad’s doing just fine,” Jack replies, teeth clenched. “Keeping a low profile doesn’t mean he’s gone soft, now is there a reason you’re bothering me?”

Matteo scoffs. “Boy’s got an attitude,” he says. “I’ll need to talk to your father about this. Anyway, I’m proposing a merger. You come work for me, we off your old man, your business then merges with mine. I’ll give you some time to think about it.” He starts to walk away, but Jack suddenly wraps a hand around the base of his throat.

“I don’t need time,” Jack says, voice low. “Never going to happen. I will only tell you this one time: Leave me alone. Leave my father alone. Leave our men alone. Or so help me God, you’ll wish my dad had shot you in Paris that one night. Because I will find you. And I will make every one of your last moments a living Hell. And how many of those moments you get will entirely be up to me. So unless you really want to know what I mean, you’ll leave and we will never hear from you again.”

The color drains from Matteo’s face. If he knows one thing about Tom Holland, he knows that he doesn’t make empty threats. But none of Tom’s threats have frightened him nearly as much as this single one from Jack Holland.

“Of course,” Matteo says. “I’m so sorry to bother you. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

“You’re damn lucky I’m in a good mood,” Jack replies, releasing his grip on Matteo’s throat; Tom can’t help but grin at the large red mark left there. “I’m serious, I never want to see you again.”

“No problem.” With that, Matteo high-tails it out of the ballroom, still holding the glass of champagne. He downs it in one gulp, setting it on a table near the door before finally exiting into the hallway.

Tom makes his way over to Jack. “That was brilliant,” he says, a big smile on his face.

Jack shrugs. “He was bothering me. But I think I really did scare him.”

“I think you have, I haven’t seen Matteo look that frightened since Paris.” He laughs, clapping a hand on his son’s shoulder. “What’d you say we go home, eh?”

“Sounds good to me, this shit’s boring as fuck.”

Tom laughs again. “You sound more and more like me every day.”

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #mob au #Anonymous

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valerie · 4 years

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TWITL – week eighteen – memory lane into May

May the 4th Be With You!

my watch wished me HBD

Yesterday (May 3rd) was my birthday. I am 49. Just writing it like that is super freaky to me because it’s such a big number. What is 49? I suppose it’s me now. I never thought about how it should feel so I suppose for me, it’s however I’m feeling. And I’m feeling grateful and blessed. I have a wonderful husband, loving family, and amazing friends. I try to see a bit of beauty every day even in all the craziness. And my lovelies, the world is full of craziness these days, isn’t it?

How did I spend my birthday? I woke up before 7 AM and had a rather hearty breakfast before 8 AM. Jack Whitehall and his father were on IG live cooking while I ate breakfast. I took a nap at some point and instead of making dinner, we ordered out and had Mexican food. My birthday dinner was the night before– fish and chips from Vic Stewart’s. Otherwise, we didn’t really do much during the day. I had enough time to respond to all the lovely birthday wishes sent my way online. Oh, and I watched Tyler and Sabina’s IG live brunch. I love those two! They’re so much fun to watch, especially with a glass of wine.

mocked by my calendar alerts

Saturday, May 2nd, we were meant to be in Los Angeles to watch Jack Whitehall’s show at The Orpheum Theatre. I allowed myself a moment of resignation and lamentation. Would I have been able to meet Jack? Would I had been able to get him to say Happy Birthday to me while taking a picture with him? Maybe not. But I would have been able to sit and laugh while watching him be ridiculous. Instead, I was home in my shorts and t-shirt. I did watch an episode of Bad Education just honor the fact that I was supposed to see him live. Alas.

five years ago with Tyler

Five years ago on April 30th, I met Tyler Rich. I was excited and nervous while waiting in line. He had posted on his social media that he would be coming out before the start of the show to say hello to the fans waiting. When he finally came out, I wondered if he would have enough time to get to us. I’m sure I amused my line mates but I really did want to meet Tyler. When the moment finally came, Tyler put me at ease because that’s how he is and we took a picture or two or three together. He was passing out cards with his social media links and I still have that card somewhere. When it was time for his show, I made the conscious effort to take few pictures or videos, instead enjoying the moment through my own eyes and not through the phone screen. (I made up for it the second time I saw Tyler by recording every song like a total lunatic.)

Who knew that meeting him would open my world to new experiences and new friends? I am utterly grateful to Tyler for so many things but most of all, I am grateful for the love and friendship he inspired. And I am so glad to call him my friend. He will always be My Spell Breaker…

Jack in the kitchen

Strike Back – We finally finished this last season. I very much enjoyed it and will miss it for sure. I really did love watching the new crew even if I did miss Scott and Stonebridge. If you want to watch a super kickass show, I will always recommend Strike Back. The Scott and Stonebridge years were my favorite but you can’t really go wrong with the Wyatt, McAllister, Novin years. You will laugh, you will cry, you will jump in your seat, your heart will race and at the end, you’ll want to do it all over again…

Prodigal Son – Holy crap, what a season ender! Someone tell me this show is getting another season because I must know what happens next. If it doesn’t get another season, well, it ended with a definite HOLY CRAP moment and how many shows can say that? Seriously, it’s getting another season, right? Yowsa!

Westworld – I very much enjoyed this season so much more than last season. I loved that we were in the “real” world and I loved not knowing what the hell Dolores was doing but I enjoyed the ride nonetheless. The season finale managed to have big moments and quiet moments and moments that just squeezed the heart. So well done.

bday gift from my OT

And here’s a poem I wrote during the week…

don’t admit a thing keep it close just below a whisper don’t open your heart keep it locked hide away the key don’t tell the tale keep it secret as if it isn’t real

from TWITL – week eighteen – memory lane into May

#TWITL – week eighteen – memory lane into May

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goddessnemain · 4 years

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The Guy From The Party- Part 4

Wouldn’t you know it, it’s 5 days after the Friday night he drove all the way down here just to see me and he came down again. It was Wednesday, my pool league night, which is fine. He picked me up. He took me for dinner. He went to pool league with me. I play pool on the same team as his buddy who’s bday we met at, so we were on a date/I was doing a scheduled activity/hanging out with his/my friend(s). We had fun! When pool was over more friends showed up. I have a woman I’ve known for 18 years. She spent almost 20 years in a very abusive relationship, and this woman can spot a red flag in a man before anyone else does. She’s pretty protective of me. She LIKES Party Guy. Likes him so much in fact, she hugged him before she left the pub. LIKES him so much in fact, she whispered in my ear as she hugged me goodbye “I like him, he’s a good one”. That’s pretty high praise.

I decided that since Party Guy had put so much effort into driving 90 minutes each way- twice- that the following day, the Thursday, I would drive into the city and make him dinner. He couldn’t believe that I would be willing to drive to the city to see him, and he was even more shocked that I’d be willing to cook him dinner. He was as shocked that I would come and cook him dinner as I was that he would drive down to see me twice. It was February 13. I walked into his cute little basement suite with a backpack of clothes, a cooler full of food, and there he was with a single red rose in his hand and a little box of chocolates. He looked at me with a big smile on his face “Happy early Valentine's Day”. I was stunned. Embarrassed. Blushed. He handed me the rose and gave me a sweet little kiss.

Melt!

It turned out he’d also gone to 3 different liquor stores looking for a hard to find bottle of Jack Daniels that I liked. He didn’t find it, bought a regular bottle in a nice box, but the fact that he went to 3 different stores to try and find this whisky for me!

Melt!

I made dinner, and we talked about our families, he told me about his sisters, his parents, his very normal childhood, a childhood of stability, loving parents, no moving around all the time. Just a very normal childhood. It made me feel insufficient because I couldn’t relate to the things he was saying.

Making dinner was an experience. He doesn’t have an actual stove, just an element (we thought he had two but it turned out one didn’t work), a convection oven and a microwave. I made it work. He just watched me cook and kept talking. We laughed when we tripped the breaker trying to run too many appliances in the kitchen. We laughed when he had to go find an extension cord so we could use the microwave. And he slowly ate that damn dinner like it was his last meal. Turned out, he doesn’t really cook, doesn’t really know how to cook- with a devoted mom and 3 older sisters, he didn’t really have a reason to learn and just never has, but apparently, he can operate a BBQ like a wizard- and it had been 7 months since he’d had a home-cooked meal. He was over the moon about this damn dinner.

We spent the rest of the night watching a movie on the couch. We watch a couple of stand up comedians. We just laughed and laughed and laughed. I wound up staying at his place for a total of 10 nights.

We went to the dog park every day- he’s got a huge black lab he takes to a dog park 20 minutes from his place every day. We’d walk through the park, he’d reach for my hand. If he had to let go for some reason, he reached for my hand as soon as he was back beside me. Even held my hand IN HIS POCKET one of the chillier days. We went grocery shopping- he’d been holding my hand as we walked through the parking lot, but I let go once we got in the doors, saying it felt too “relationshipy”, and he replied that he’s “not big on PDA”. Coulda fooled me. There were way more people at the dog park than the grocery store. He brought me breakfast and coffee every day from Timmy’s. On the days he would have to work that night we would cuddle and nap on the couch for a couple hours. I found myself feeling very comfortable and content in his space quite quickly, and I shocked myself when I realized it.

After 10 nights, he came home with me. The first Friday he’d come to see me, he’d gotten 3 minutes out of my town when his car broke down. So coming home with me that Sunday made sense, so he could pick up his now fixed car the following morning. I had to be home that Sunday because it was my kiddo’s 19th birthday and I wasn’t about to miss it. We brought his black lab with us to my place to see if he would get along with my female chocolate lab. And they did. Aside from trying to hump her a lot, they did better than I expected. We were lying in bed the Monday morning, I was half awake, half asleep, still groggy from my sleeping pills (I’d only packed enough meds for 2 nights when I went to see him the day before V-Day, so the first night back on my meds kicked my ass) when he says “Come back to the city with me today in my car, bring your dog, and I’ll bring you back tomorrow night”. I realized afterward what he had said, but at the moment, it was kind of a Charlie Brown “whah whah whah” situation in my head and I found myself agreeing just to make him stop talking. So, I packed a night's worth of meds, a change of clothes, everything I needed for my doggo, and away we went in his car back to the city. I was afraid. I didn’t have an escape plan. I didn’t have my own vehicle. If he refused to take me home, I didn’t know what I would do or where I would go. So when Tuesday evening rolled around and he was hesitant to take me home, I started to panic a little. As it got later into the night, he insisted we stay that night and he would take me home in the morning. What choice did I have?None. So we stayed, and he did take me home the next morning.

He’s teaching me some pretty serious lessons in trusting people. Let’s face it, if you’ve gone ahead and read any of my other posts, you’ll know that I often find myself in situations where I get screwed over. And those are just the situations I write about. That’s not including the $200 I lent ‘You’re Safe In My Arms Now’ guy when he was broke and needed to buy firewood to heat his house when it was -40 outside, on the promise he would pay me back, and then refused to pay me back because he’s convinced I lost a $30 tool he’d left at my house (he never left a tool at my house). Or the $200 I lost on my birthday after the person that was supposed to be throwing me a bday party brought a new girl he was seeing, didn’t say 2 words to me all night because he didn’t want to make her jealous, didn’t pay me for what I picked up for him, and still won’t pay me. All the times I’ve had friends promise to show up and they don’t. The examples are countless. But Party Guy is teaching me that it’s okay to trust people, I just have to be more selective about it.

I give him a hard time about his “other girlfriends” (that don’t actually exist) and say things like “your other girlfriends will be happy I’m finally going home” or “better warn your other girlfriends I’m coming to the city Friday night” or “I won’t just show up at your place out of the blue, I don’t want to catch you with your pants down and a naked chick on top of you”. He gets frustrated and says he’s “not a cheater” and that he’d “never ever do something like that”. Sure, all humans say that, but I actually believe him that he wouldn’t cheat. I understand why he gets frustrated, he’s a good guy, he’s a genuinely good person. He interrupts me all the time when I talk and I often can’t finish a story because he’s interrupted and talking about something else and it drives me kinda crazy, but he really is a genuinely good, kind, honest, respectful person.

So here I am, right this minute, sitting at his place, chilling with his doggo while Party Guy is at work. I did have plans to go out with a friend tonight but plans changed last minute and I don’t care to make new ones at this point. However, tomorrow we’re doing all his running around and then we’re crawling in his car and going to my town where I just came from today, to spend tomorrow night drinking and hanging out with my friends/our mutual friends at the pub. We’ll spend Saturday night at my place and then back to his place early Sunday morning. It worked better for me to come into the city today, 1 so I could see my friend, 2 we get to spend more time together and 3 we can drive his car back and forth, it’s way cheaper to fill than my truck, and I won’t be trapped here, I can leave on Wednesday afternoon without an issue.

I found out the other day that he and I are dating. So I suppose I’m in a relationship now. And I haven’t been in a functional relationship in over 5 years, let alone had a boyfriend. A normal, kind, caring, sweet, honest, will bend over backward to see me, boyfriend. The weight of those words are hitting me like a Kenworth truck and I am realizing I’m scared. He’s trying so hard to wiggle his way in and I’m trying so hard to keep him at arm's length. I’m going to have to give him some of the room he wants, and that’s scary too.

#the guy from the party #scary #im a little scared #kind #honest #dating #Valentines Day #boyfriend #Party Guy

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tinytouristtakessf-blog · 4 years

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The last chapter in SF

Jan 25th, 2020.

An Introduction.

In 2017, Jess was introduced to our quiet, oversized, and mainstream lives... Little did we know, that everything was about to change. The winds swirled overhead as she landed and within a couple weeks our loud, mini, hippie-witch-grandma-babe became ingrained in our lives!

Coming in hot with a list of must-see, -try, -listen, -taste, -climb items for SF, Jess managed to keep us busy trying new things and living our best fun-sized life.

In honor of one chapter coming to a close (and another very exciting one just beginning!!), we want to take a look back at some of the beautiful moments you’ve helped us create! Thank you for being a part of our lives in San Francisco, and we are so excited and proud of you for making big moves across the seas in New Zealand! Don’t forget us and please come back to re-visit your San Francisco community soon 😻

Love,

Everyone

Credit: (always) Inspired by the TinyTourist

2017

Let’s take a walk down memory lane back to 2017...

Enter 2017… when some of us all met Jess Tilles for first time. Something we may be too old to do but in our early 20s we were able to stick through 9 hours of drinking. Santa Con was the day into the night we were all obliterated… but Santas and mistletoe and FUN! We all look very youthful, oh what a few years in SF has done to our age. It was also one of the first and last times we all decided to go out in the Marina, and then proceed to eat Italian Homemade food. The beginning of an era!

Meanwhile at work... Jess quickly becomes a driving force of work parties with Holmes (and Eva and Jess discover they are both proponents of Bell sleeves). Of course Jess=where the party @ after having met most of the team at a highly questionable night tearing up the Castro prior Olga’s birthday.

Celebrating big moves to the bay, Jess, Shiri, and Leeza united in the gorgeous SF winter on Hattie St Balcony (a local’s hidden gem). It was then that Leeza and Jess instantly realized they were meant to meet and pursue all the best indie-folk-hippie music together. The rest of the concert saga is history!

2018

March 2018

Jess and Leron feeling lucky on St. Patty’s day by wearing all black and going against the mainstream in classic Jess fashion.

April 2018

Jess and Eva jamtfo to Penguin Prison at at their favorite SF venue, The Independent on Eva’s bday. They groove from the front row where Jess has zero obstacles blocking her line of site. Eva gets to hold the gee-tar.

Parisa's first day in SF! A messy deep dish experience could only be ended with a super fun barcade.

August 2018

For many of us, it was our very first overnight backpacking trip that hot summer weekend in July. Leeza had on the heaviest pack and powered ahead of the group (per usual), while the rest of us fumbled behind. We all kept enthusiasm high and it was a glorious moment when we 1) dipped into the freezing cold water at the end of day one and 2) when we finally took our packs, shoes and socks off at the end of the hike, and we all agreed that we would not do that trail again if someone paid us a million fat ones. Such a memorable trip- it was a great shared bonding experience for us to be out exploring in nature, and struggling together but ultimately powering through. Caroline was peeing every 20 minutes of the hike as usual, Leron was making interesting jokes and Shiri and Jess kept our spirits high!

Jess has her first grown woman trip to LA with Eva. They stay in Sunset Junction (Micheltorena stairs pictured) and have a romantic werk wife stay at the legendary Casa Crawford Airbnb, where their room doesn’t lock and they share a bathroom with the elderly spooky owner. Highlights include swan boating on Echo Park Lake, yoga at Equinox, eating at Mh Zh and Sqirl, unwinding at Wi Spa, crashing a mansion party in the Hollywood hills, and celebrating Lauren’s 30th birthday. Jess also very much enjoys catching up with a friend in Venice Beach.

In spring 2018, Jess made moves in the city to make friends and become ~sporty~ with Shiri in the Play Recess league. Striking the perfect balance between minimal coordination and slap-cup, we learned to destroy the competition in what really counts! Culminating in an ultimate scavenger hunt debacle, Spinelli led the group to victory! (Not actually sure if we completed the scavenger, but the memories we do have were definitely winners :) ).

October 2018

Halloweenies with our favorite Grandmama. Photographed left to right: Grandmama (Jess), Wednesday (Caroline), thing (Cole), Gomez (Leron), Morticia (Shiri), Lurch (Jack) and Pugsley (Jacob)

In the spooky month of October 2019, the Fulton Fam got together to throw our first rager - an extravagant Addams family party. Thanks to the creative inspiration of the group, we were able to pull off some spooky vibes, including spider webs, grey hair, ridiculous mustaches, and more.

Late 2018 marked the beginning of the Fulton house era- too many nights sitting around watching Fort Night, debating Zinc in double-blind tests, and hundreds more conversations that none of us can remember… We will never forget the eclectic energy Jess brought into the Fulton house. The large batches of pasta & pesto she cooked and the lotions & soaps she brewed up. Brew hahah. As the first alumnus of the Fulton house, Jess has since ventured out to #adult in her 2 bedroom apartment in Nob Hill.

Before Jess left us, we had one last BirthRight hoorah with Jacob’s new friends. There was a peculiar guy making brisket in our oven, and handing samples around like a Costco on a Saturday afternoon. Shiri infamously used her photoshop skills to crop the beloved Leron Gil into the house party he missed. Good times!

December 2018

How could we forget the numerous ski trips in 2019 with Jess? There were so many weekends bopping around down the slopes in Heavenly, Kirkwood and North Star. On this specific photographed trip, Jess and Caroline celebrated their birthdays with a weekend getaway to Northstar. Too much Secret Hitler was played. Things got wild. Other board games were forced upon us (lol). But looking back it was a great time hanging with friends, drinking champagne on the mountain and blasting some groovy tunes down the mountain.

Over the holidays, Chinese food is a tradition… a very delicious meal at Koi Palace! While living in Fulton, there was a 2 month hiatus where just Jess, Caroline and Jacob occupied the house. Some like to call that period of time “the cleanest time of Fulton”, others call bullshit. The three bonded over diverging political opinions, bitching about who never cleaned their dishes and doing korean face masks.

2019

January 2019

Ringing in the New 2019 Year in San Francisco with a large group of our friends was quite the experience! Great to celebrate together together at the boom boom room with some live music (but also not great that the window got smashed 😂)

One of Jess’s many ascents at Mission Cliffs! Go Jess send it!

Only Jess and her gleaming charisma could rally coworkers to see a concert AND have work pay for our HH drinks (thanks for the sus hand-written receipt for expensing, @Madrone Art Bar). We saw her beloved Magic City Hippies at The Independent which was funky and upbeat Miami vibes all around. Also pictured are Mary and Georgine who are/soon working in New Zealand as well.

February 2019

Always remember the earplugs! Jess knows how to concert.

March 2019

Soccer moms go to Warby Parker. Epic picture and times of Jess with the Fulton boys.

April 2019

A new(ish) face joined the Holmes Fire SF team- finally Jess and Irene’s LDR was over! This was our first team building activity as a new group and with Jess in charge of course we ended up climbing!

Celebrating Eva’s Birthday with a fun rooftop HH at El Teco on a sunny spring day!

Jess, Eva and Irene order frozen pina coladas and take in the views before a Mission bar crawl of sorts, closing nice and early with burritos from El Farolito.

May 2019

Hanging out at the top of the SalesForce tower. Pro tip, bring a structural engineer for some great commentary.

Bay to Breakers with team eggs and team hippies (aka Jess’s typical aesthetic)!

Always discussing the most important topics at work- like water bottle sticker placement! #bigdecisions

July 2019

One of the best Holmes site visits ever!!

Jess and Eva drive up North for a wine country getaway they won a while back at a silent auction. En route they plow through La Croix cans, have a rad lunch in Sebastopol and dip their feet in the picturesque Russian River. Early evening, they taste and tour facilities at Moshin Vineyards in Forestville (shout outs to that delightfully dry pinot noir rosé) before stargazing (ft. skunk!) and cozying up in a cabin suite with the movie Sideways. The next day, they have a beautiful morning walk by the vineyards. By way of Jess’ parents, they land in Ronald McDonald’s home for a private tasting. Jess learns she loves fruit-forward wines!

September 2019

The second infamous backpacking trip! **GIRLS TRIP**!!!! The time we thought it’d be smart to not get camping food and cook kraft mac and cheese with no microwave. What it came out to be was a big bowl of cheese goop, with Ella, Anna, Olaf and unicorn characters drowned in there. A big SHOUTOUT to Marie for pulling through with the fancy face creams and sharing with the group, us talking about waxing *ahem* body parts and again, Leeza leading the charge with Foxy! At night, we laid out on the benches and stared up at the stars - the night was so clear! We couldn’t stop laughing over things I can no longer remember… except about discovering the world was indeed not flat. Once again, Caroline likely peed 20 times total, and was coughing and heaving (sorry for being sick!) 😅

Jess and Eva get weird in Portland! Where they sip rooftop beers, frolick in the Nike HQ ( a mass timber wonderland), meet Big Foot and Krampus, procure free passes to a saucy community event, dance to 80s music at a goth bar/visit crusty dive bars, have a prime strawberry cough (and beanie) experience @ Electric Lettuce, savor prime Bamboo sushi, and Jess gets a cute ass tragus piercing. Throughout the trip Jess wears a lot of black to Eva’s delight #moody #angsty. On their walks to the Portland office, Jess appreciates the changing fall leaves and residential neighborhoods, feeling reminded of home on the East Coast.

Just another amazing Jill Hike ;)

October 2019

OK - San Francisco was filled with challenges… and Tough Mudder was one of them! Although we found out that at the end of the race - you would be electrocuted - we persisted. We - as a team - got through to the finish line. So proud of everyone for completing the race! Although Caroline was the only one who copped out of electric shock. The number of times we dunked into mud baths and climbed 10 ft walls…

Jess’s favorite time of the year and a visit from Tariq! Jess and Eva decorated the whole office to look super ~spooky~ON ANOTHER LEVEL (featuring creepy clown photos, hella cobwebs and caution tape, bloody stickers, and of course fake plastic bugs) and organized a halloween bar crawl around North Beach (@ Maggie McGarrie’s and Tupelo)!

November 2019

A big fan of live music, Jess is a great Concert buddy. Always down to explore new music and venues! This was such a fun bonding night where we got greyhounds, beers, caught up on life and danced at Polo & Pan. So fun!

Proxima Parada at Milk Bar birthday concert where Jess got a shout-out from the band! ft. a blurry instagram story and classic typos. Prior, the whole squad turns up at Hobson’s Choice over punch bowls.

HP marathon or studying for PE? Well! let's master both!

December 2019

One of the best days in December was unexpected. It started out with a simple brunch plan but ended in a full day of activities!! New spot on polk was where Jess and Maries’ friendship began and continued to blossom!

After having an amazing meal (great eggs benedict) and hours of catching up we decided to walk back to our houses together (since we are neighbors!!). Jess was excited to see Marie’s new couch (that was 50% off hehe) and decided to come over. Kap, Jess and Marie did a long (super difficult) puzzle (connected a few pieces) and watched netflix. We order Thai food (Kap ordered us cookies) and we relaxed all day. It was a special day where the three of us reminisced about San Francisco and all of our time here. It was a day no one wanted to end!!

Holmes Holiday Party- Jess’s favorite drink was the beet cocktail 😉

Cozy three course italian dinner with wine at 3pm! Best part of the afternoon was my hot date, Jess ;)

Jess and her neighborhood park (shoutout to nob hill, the real MVP) winning Shiri over with its views on views.

January 2019

On one of Jess’s final few Tahoe ski weekends, she SENT IT down a black diamond on her first weekend back of the season. Harrison found a great photo opp for Jess, Marie and Caroline against the Xtreme advanced only sign. The weekend was filled with playing Mafia, jamming to tunes down the slope, exploring Squaw valley, having some nice Apres Ski, and getting fed some good, slow-cooked food (haha!).

[JESS, INSERT YOUR PHOTOS FROM THE LAST WEEKEND IN SF!!!]

NOTES FROM YOUR BIFFLES TO SEND YOU OFF <3

Dear Jess,

Thank you for entering into my life and being saggitarius soulmates. I love that we are on the same page about so many things - planning, me-time, boys (kinda), beards, skiing, tardiness, traveling, being avoidant, being wholesome and SO MUCH MORE. I’m so happy we bonded over the last couple years we’ve known each other. I miss all the times I would knock on your door and catch up while you marie kondo-d your entire closet. Thank you for pushing me in new and different ways which you may not have realized (like forcing me to vote) and inspiring me to do good with the environment (hehe).

You are kind-hearted, loyal, so brave and bold and I’m so proud of you for going out on this adventure to New Zealand!! I will miss you lots in San Francisco and miss the ridiculous random shit we would laugh at during out ski trips or cooking or when we could catch up at home. Thank you for always listening whenever I felt like blabbing on and helping keep me grounded. So excited to visit New Zealand and can’t wait to explore! Plz don’t forget all the great memz we had in SF!!

Love you lots XOXO

Caroline

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Jess!!! We have done it all together and now we can add New Zealand to that list too! I’m so glad that we got to overlap in SF and I had you here to show me to ropes. I can’t wait to follow your kiwi adventures and see all the fun things you do.

Love you lots!!

Xoxo

Irene

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JESSICA. My favorite small person to kiss on the head. I am so glad we could bond over our love of funky music and skiing. I’ll always be here to make sure you don’t look like an egg on the ski slopes and can’t wait to visit you and your Kiwi men soon. You are a sweet, funny, life of the party small person who’s going to find so much success and kiwi men in NZ. Love you so much, and may the yearly backpacking live on!

-Leez

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Dear Jess, You are such a sweet soul that is thoughtful and cares about everyone around you. I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to meet ya (ty shiri!!) and get to know you over the last year and a half. I always have so much fun on our walks, breakfast dates, or ski trips (and so much more). I’m so extremely happy for you to be following your dreams (and a lil sad that we won’t be neighbors anymore). I can’t wait to come visit ya and enjoy more adventures together! Love ya, Marie!!

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Jess - I love seeing how far we’ve come since our truss-ty mechanics class, traveling across the country and seeking out all the best from life! Although your soul belongs in a hippy world, I know you will find your people and place no matter where you land (just keep being YOU). New Zealand is lucky to be getting the tiniest force around. You will certainly be missed, but know that I’m just a WhatsApp message (or a quick flight!) away :). Excited for the tiny tourist travels ahead <3

Love, Shiri

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Blonde Meets Brunette. Relatively Tall Meets Considerably Short. East Coast Meets West Coast. Engineering Major Meets Fine Arts Major. Happy Music Meets Sad Music. On paper we might come across as opposites, but internally and emotionally I am so grateful for the rich grey areas and nuances we’ve discovered that we contain. The odds were slim for us to cross paths in this big ol’ universe,and I’m so grateful we found each other to help tame and ground the ups and downs of being-in-your-twenties. You have been a guiding, real, and empowering force since Day 1, and you’ve taught me so much. I can’t wait to see all you accomplish in this new chapter and far beyond! ALL the love to the best work wife there ever was.

Eva Slusser

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Yo,

Glad we have been able to go on a bunch of snowy adventures. Look forward to visiting your weird kiwi fire life sometime and I'm sorry I always assumed you were the mafia.

-Dave

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Jess,

It was great getting to know you even if it was only for a short amount of time. Will always remember you bombing it down that double black diamond at squaw, the hike in Berkeley, and the constant disapproving looks sent my way.

GO PRO CAPTURE

- H

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Jess!! Thank you for being the kindest soul your are. I enjoyed every bits and pieces of our friendship from Stas' lab to smoke control class to getting to bond more here in SF.

Can't wait to follow the tiny tourist adventures through this new kiwi chapter. Auckland is lucky to have you!

Love you and see you soon!

Parisa

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This post serves as written confirmation that I have previously stated thank you and please and no longer require these societal norms to be restated. Once I see you in New Zealand, reside in your dwelling and depart back to San Francisco, I will not provide a thank you note. I expect the same from you.

See you soon,

Leron

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Jess - We will miss you, but having a friend leave SF is easier when you know theres great adventures ahead for them. I’m excited for all your NZ adventures, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. Keep us in the loop and I look forward to seeing you in the future.

-jacob

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the-elegant-espeon · 5 years

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I was tagged by @vanilla107

1. What takes up too much of your time?

social media (mostly here/twitter with discord and amino sprinkled in) reading and pokemon as well

2. What makes your day better?

talking to my friends, both on and offline ones!

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

today was pretty lazy but I caught a Detective Hat Pikachu in PoGo! (it appears when you take pictures of your caught Pokémon instead of Smeargle to promote the movie)

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

any show that I love tbh, so Duckburg/other places in the Duckverse Hogwarts/ harry potter’s world

also the pokemon world OBVIOUSLY

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I try my best!

6. Do you have any mental illness?

I have ADHD

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

no that sounds terrifying

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Lindana, Love Handel, and the Hex Girls

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

no! I think I crush on ppl easily, but I need to get to know them better before I “fall in love” that also would entail knowing some of them irl

10. What’s your dream date?

see a movie, go for a walk, and then hang out and talk

11. What do others notice about you?

My smile!

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I pick at my lips and my fingernails a lot. mostly because I get fidgety and need to do something

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

never really had one so no? technically?

14. How many exes do you have?

zero

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

oof about 249 in my regular playlist, because some of the versions were taken off amazon music and I haven't replaced them yet

on my disney/kids music playlist I have 291 but only because I just dumped the Detective Pikachu soundtrack in there so I didn't forget. once I listen through it ill remove some that I don't like as much/instrumentals

16. What instruments can you play?

I can kinda play piano. took lessons for a few years and can still remember the basics

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

pets and screenshots of stuff

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Japan and England are the two that come to mind right now

19. What is your zodiac?

Cancer

20. Do you relate to it?

Yep!

21. What is happiness to you?

curled up on the couch reading a good book

22. Are you going through anything right now?

im in a group project with two ppl that are kinda difficult to work with. they just need a lot of direction, and I can't always be that person to direct them.

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

leaving this one blank for now

24. What’s your favourite store?

the book loft is such a great place! its a local bookstore that just has rooms and rooms and rooms of books. like you think you've finally gone through all of the rooms and then more just appear. its one of those places that looks tiny on the outside but in reality is huge

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Her body her choice.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

nope

27. Do you have a favourite album?

been listening to Jack Johnson’s Curious George album lately. a few of the songs were already in my playlist but hearing all of them really brought back memories. honorable mentions to Daft Punk’s album Discovery, used in the movie Interstella5555 (such a great movie btw) and Michael Buble’s Caught in the Act (live) album, another one that brings back lots of memories.

28. What do you want for your birthday?

not much, probably some books and Pokemon stuff

29. What is most people’s first impression of you?

anywhere from lots of energy to a little shy

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

people have thought I was like 20 (this was a few years ago and granted I was dressed up)

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

next to me on my bed so I can hear my alarm

32. What word do you say the most?

Fork! (or around people my age Fuck!)

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

19/20

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

because im about to turn 18, the youngest i’d date is 17 1/2

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

gonna think about this one too

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

a few pop songs here and there, and a bunch of other random stuff. also musicals

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

id love to live somewhere with ancient buildings tbh

38. What is your current favorite song?

All Will be Well by the Gabe Dixon band. its an older song but it’s in one of my favorite episodes of Parks and Rec, End of the World. my favorite song released in the last few years is Simple as This by Jake Bugg

39. How long have you had this blog for?

two years!

40. What are you excited for?

hanging out with some of my best friends next week!

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

I can talk a lot about some things, but I love to listen too

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

I started making a map round to look like the earth, tomorrow im going to make it spin in Premiere

43. What do you want for christmas?

I celebrate Hanukkah, but I’ll probably want something for my Switch

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

right now im only in one class, but I have a good grade in it! I generally enjoy Language Arts/English classes and Arts classes!

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

7, im a little tired from doing nothing all day lol

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

have a job that I love and a wife/gf as nerdy as I am!

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

when my ex-best friend’s family started getting all weird when my parents split up. to make matters worse I occasionally run into her at the theater sometimes. then there was that one time, years later, when we went to the same pool, hing out there for a while, and then she was like, “sorry im have my bday party here and im only allowed to invite 6 ppl and you're not one of them”

(shoutout to her dad for being pretty cool tho)

48. What age do you want to get married?

mid-late 20′s but if it happens later that’s ok. this is just the earliest I'd like to be

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

an astronaut

50. What do you crave right now?

im always craving ChipotIe tbh

tagging @pit0hui @metachiral and @thefangirlmonarchy

(don't feel like you have to do this)

#facts about me #ask game #thanks for tagging me btw #espeon talks

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tellywoodtrash · 6 years

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kwk lb: aamir khan

every time karan calls this dumbass show of his NATIONALLLLLLLLL TELEVISION, i lose 3 years off my life.

uhhhhhhhhhh karan, you're not a millenial either.

god i cringe every time he tries to appropriate 'millenial culture'. ffs, you're like a decade outside the range.

also fomo is not a disorder, gtfo.

aditya chopra sounds like he's living my his best life.

what do these confessions of his have to do with the damn guest?????

lol thugs as a diwali release. aamir and srk switched their festivals this year.

gotta say aamir looks good. pretentious af, but good.

LMAO SACHAAI SEEDHE BAAHAR KI BRO IM JUST HERE FOR PR.

ugh karan hyping thugs ainvayi mein.

yeah you should be nervous about this movie, aamir. it looks like a spectacular trashfire. oh it'll make money, hundreds and hundreds of crores, but looks like a steaming hot heap of absolute trash.

can't believe aamir and srk have stooped to these kinda garbage movies now.

lmao karan not buying that aamir didn’t do dangal just coz he was “appeasing a certain sensibility”.

so basically a straight ripoff of jack sparrow. like, in every single way.

ugh karan stop kissing ass with the “progressive” shit.

yeah the home situation with reena/kiran is nothing new or interesting, pls move on.

ofc his kids want to be in the movies. do any of their kids not?

damn he sounds like a harsh critic. poor junaid.

UGH I DON'T GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK ABOUT WHAT THESE TWO MEN HAVE TO SAY ABOUT #METOO.

“it's sad that women have had to come out and speak about it to have created this environment.”

YEAH. IT IS. AND WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT, ASSHOLES? you knew this shit was happening. you always knew. and you did shit. and now for you to sit here and talk about it and gain cool progressive ally points, literally fuck outta here.

forget that song, dil as a movie itself is a misogynist fucking nightmare. he almost rapes her, and then at the last minute doesn't, AND SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM. FOR NOT RAPING HER. LIKE....................

uh huh “SHOCKED” i’m sure.

that it came out. not that it happened.

omfg this conversation is everything i hate about this topic. WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE PREY ON YOU? YOU'RE AT THE FUCKING TOP OF TOTEM POLE. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU THINK, AFTER HEARING ACCOUNTS ABOUT SOMEONE, THAT OH HE DIDN'T BEHAVE THAT WAY WITH ME, SO HE ISN'T A PREDATOR? it's like saying oh charles manson didn't murder ME, so he's not a murderer. chutiyaaaa hai kya?

aaaaaaaaaaaaand he's walking away with the credit for “taking action”. amaze.

and karan and his fucking tone-deafness. jfc what kinda delusion. what it must be like to live life as a privileged man with immense power.

please you fuckers are sleeping well at night no matter what. give me a break.

i'm feeling veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy stabbyyyyyy right now after this fuckall performative garbage of a “segment”.

great sycophantry (that’s a word right?) towards bachchan now. ugh.

yeah bachchan does seem to have that sanki uncle persona, where if he calls, you’re like shit i’ve fucked up. esp. with his saltyass tweets on how no one will return his bday sms's/tweets or some shit. like get over it, grandpa.

ok aamir's pre-release “disorder” sounds like a right fucking nightmare.

blah blah blah is there any juicy goss this ep (that hasn't already been outed in the promos/previews) or should i stop watching already?

karan, if someone is playing THAT hard to get, then you should take the hint that they DON'T WANT to come.

strong fraternity feeling uh huh. not at all a PR photo op.

yeah of course you and your mid-life crisis don't see any difference between you+srk/ranveer+ranbir

HOW MANY TIMES WILL YOU PLUG THE DAMN MOVIE KARAN. WE FUCKING GET IT. THUGS IS RELEASING THIS WEEK. LORD.

ugh this phone game sounds dumb af. it's like the phone a friend in kbc, except utterly pointless.

sorry too much second-hand embarrassment at the prospect of this only. fwding.

koffee shots - aka we couldn't find anyone to come with you in this episode coz no one likes you/tumhara ego kuch zyaada hi bada hai, toh karan has to play the game with you. it’s this show’s version of taking a cousin to prom.

why did they pair katrina with varun next week tho? so random. she could have come in this ep with aamir?

what are these shots of though? like what are they drinking?

lmao aamir laughing at karan's sex injury.

exactly who’s surprised that aamir’s cheated?

sexy intern??????????????? jfc karan.

y’all are grownass men, why the fuck are you still getting hickeys in places ppl can see them jfc.

yeah no one needed to know the shower bs.

of course karan regifts. we already knew from the last ep.

oh ho, malaika's dropped the khan finally.

and karan's indicating she's gonna switch it up for a kapoor. hmmmmmmm.

gotta say she looks amazing. lord may my mallu genes be as potent as hers and lead me to age this well.

aamir rating himself

he seems like a bit of a troll himself, which is why he doesn’t take them seriously.

ew he smokes a pipe, how pretentious.

i am karannnn: “that was witty?????”

food/sex? “apne ko toh dono chahiye.”

don’t we all, but that was not the question.

god bachchan forced him to join twitter. sach mein he’s one unbearable sanki buddha.

ugh these answers are so laaaaaaaaame.

HE'S NOT PICKINGGGGGGGG ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HE'S SO ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WITH HIS AINVAYI KA DIPLOMACY

welll done my asssssss. aise hi channe ki jhaad pe chadha rahi hai.

of course karan's an insta-stalker. why's this surprising to anyone?

“i love being followed.” godddddd.

lmao i suspect aamir's laughing coz he knows karan can never give up gossip. ever.

lol shopping ki bhi beizzattti.

awkwardness with katrina impending after that answer.

LMAO LIKE KARAN JOHAR'S EVER BEEN ON THE MUMBAI LOCAL.

real best friend: aditya chopra. hmmmm.

but does it even count when you're cousins????

sexiest actor: john abraham

lolololol who even cares about HIM anymore???

how can the feeling that someone NEEDS you be... good?

(that too coming from the man who wrote “main kissi ki zaroorat nahi, kwahish banna chahti hoon.”)

WHAT THE FUCK HE PICKED KAREENA OVER TWINKLE

lol he’s prolly changing it to kareena coz she’s in takht and he has to kiss ass to get it done.

idk i feel shakun batra's the most promising outta the three? makes appropriately commercial movies, but pleasantly subversive ones. also gets good performances outta his actors. i think the choice was pretty clear.

FUCKING PICKKKKKKKKKKKKK ONE OF THEM, KARAN YOU ASSHOLE. THIS IS BULLLLLLLLLSHITTTTTTTTT.

LOL AAMIR'S GLEE AT HIS INABILITY TO PICK.

pft ainvayi mein de diya isko hamper, ofc karan wouldn't take it on his own show. also that bhai answer was lame as fuck.

lmao karan is being salty.

ouff abhi bhi 10 min baaki hai quiz waali bakchodi ke liye.

“i'm not known for my speed.” ... good for kiran, i guess. snort.

“i'm not known for my information.” oh pls karan.

LAY OFF ALIA YOU PERV SHE'S WAY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU UGH THERE'S MANY OTHER AGE APPROPRIATE ACTRESSES

pffffffft the dumbass pet peeves list. hattt yahaan se, hypocrite.

how are some of these answers “correct”???? like, asking him his preferences? how is there a “correct” answer to those?

snort aamir trying to psych karan out.

lolllllllllllll aamir's confusion at the concept/existence of a mochaccino.

why do these grownass men not know their warm colours?

THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR HAND PE THARAK KI TARAF KYUN JAATA HAI TUM LOGON KA DIMAAG

HOLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SONGS COME THE FUCKKKKKKK ONNNNNNNNN OMG YOU’RE A BLIGHT ON THE NAME OF BOLLYWOOD

wow he picked resul pookutty over bhanu athaiya? surprising.

khud ke show par hi prize le gaya. pft.

some more thugs plugging, blearghhhhhhhhh.

next week looks more fun. lol @ varun and his always wanting to pee. he did that during the FC interview with anupama chopra/anushka too.

lmao sab ko shaadi kab ho rahi hai question. i love varun.

#koffee with karan #kwk lbs

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