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#i don't think it would help for me to weigh in on the actual post that's circulating
antimony-medusa · 8 months
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If you are uncomfortable with character shipping in the MCYT space, that is fair. Nobody has to like shipping at any time ever (romance isn't for everyone!), and also while I think the characters are not the creators, I aknowledge that the line is blurry, and it can be too blurry for you!
But I do ask that you be honest with yourself that romance or sexual content between cubitios is not more invasive and terrible to "do to a real person" than trans headcanons, or whump, or cutesy family dynamic, or depicting them as bigoted or abusive, or gore. These are all things which would be weird to do show a real person media about themselves without knowing for sure they were okay with it, and this is why all of these things have been things we've seen various creators put down boundaries about not wanting to see that.
Which is why my stance is that we should be keeping all of that to the fandom, to ourselves, and keeping it away from the creators who share the characters' names. That should be for other fans, not for tagging the main fan art tag on twitter.
But don't confuse your personal discomfort with romance or sexual content or preference for platonic content with the idea that shipping is somehow more invasive and personal for every person on this planet than torture and mindbreak, or aging down a character into a child, or transing their gender for them, or writing them as an abusive parent, or 'posessive behaviour", just to pick a few things I've seen float by on twitter and gone "you have GOT to be kidding me" about.
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friendrat · 6 months
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Geez... I was just doing some reading on the internet and got a punch in the gut.
This started because I saw a post in a womb twin survivor support group where someone had posted and was describing how they were born with a pin hole in their spine, which sounded very similar to my own diagnosis of Spina Bifida Occulta.
Anyway, certain health problems are more common in Vanishing Twin Survivors, and I thought I remembered that Spina Bifida was one of them, so I was looking it up to see if I was remembering correctly.
As I'm scrolling, one link said, "Spina Bifida a vanishing nightmare." So I clicked on it, and it was a quick thing about how numbers were going down, and they weren't sure why, but part was attributed to terminating affected pregnancies. The conclusion was that if they continued "preventative measures" i.e. termination, Spina Bifida could disappear. Of course! The solution to this health problem isn't to work on an *actual* cure or improve treatments... it's to just kill the people who have it. That will solve everything.
I'm just... I don't even know why I'm surprised. They wanted to kill me then. Of course, they would want to kill me if I was born today. I don't know why I would expect anything else... but it made me so... sad.
You know... I had an older cousin who had a much more severe case of Spina Bifida than I do. And when I say older, I mean he was like my parents' age. He was worse off than me, but he was always smiling. He was always joking with people. He volunteered his time to his local church, he stood by his principals, he helped out people in need without ever asking anything in return... and when he died, the funeral home was packed. There was a line around the building of people waiting to say their goodbyes, and it kept up the entire visitation. People were parked way down the road and had to walk to get there. My cousin was a light in people's lives.
But if he had been born right now, people would just weigh his life based on his disability and determine that he should be killed before his light could reach anyone. But sure... we can eliminate this disorder by killing the people who have it. It's disgusting that people think that way. There's no other word for it.
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incognit0slut · 9 months
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Right Kind of Wrong (11)
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She ever thought she would be involved in a murder investigation and encounter her one-night-stand again, the awkward guy who isn’t exactly that good in bed—Or is he? Offended by the sentiment, Spencer is determined to prove her wrong… But as he gets tangled with the beautiful stranger, he realizes there is more to her than what meets the eye.
Part Summary: Her involvement in the case becomes more crucial than she lets on. wc: 2.7k
Series Warnings: 18+ explicit content, graphic details of murders, mentions of suicide
a/n: I know this part is long overdue, I've been very busy lately and I can't seem to write anything good for me to post. But do not fret, I am back and better than ever before (lol) Also, thank you for patiently waiting for this update🤍
Other parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14
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"I WOULD HAVE STRANGLED HIM IF I WERE YOU."
Y/n frowned as she watched the slight furrow on her friend's brow, adding an element of emphasis to her words.
A moment of silence passed between them before Sandy rolled her eyes, leaning against the plush couch in the living room with a tall glass in her hand. "I'm just saying," she explained. "He was being a total jerk."
She let out a sigh. A slight confusion weaved itself whenever she contemplated him. She thought that voicing out her emotions on what occurred these past few days could ease her, yet thinking of him was only making her question her sanity. It was as if her mind was attempting to decipher a language it didn't fully comprehend, leaving her caught between curiosity and apprehension.
She honestly didn't know what to think anymore. One minute she felt like she was head over heels for the guy, and the next minute strangling him didn't seem like a bad idea after all.
She could even list all of the things about him that riled her up, yet somehow the thought of having her hands wrapped around his throat reminded her of something entirely different, which was why she found herself saying, "You know, he would actually enjoy that."
Sandy raised her brows. "What? Getting choked to death?"
She scoffed. "No, not to that extent. But like, in another context." She then narrowed her eyes. "If you know what I mean."
The subtle innuendo didn't go unnoticed as Sandy's eyes widened in surprise. "No way."
"Way."
"Damn," her friend mused before taking a sip of her drink. "Smart and kinky. If only he wasn't such an ass to you."
Smart and kinky weren't exactly words she considered using in one sentence, but the sound of them put together surprisingly sounded enticing. It sounded enticing enough that her mind was starting to play tricks on her. It sounded good enough that she found herself starting to miss him, even when logic dictates that she shouldn't.
And now it sounded compelling enough that she couldn't help but weigh in the pros and cons when it came to the man, putting the cons on his ability to switch attitude in a span of seconds into a completely different person—not to mention his tendency to assume biased reasonings based on poor judgment.
On the other hand, the pros were very hard to ignore. There was a certain charm in his awkward demeanor, especially in his shy and uncertain smile every time it was directed her way. Then there was also his intelligent mind she was definitely drawn to.
But above all that, he was, without a doubt, a certified freak in the sheets.
And that was on top of her list.
A subtle sigh escaped her lips, revealing a hint of her internal struggle. "I mean, he did have a good point, don't you think?"
"Y/n," Sandy warned disapprovingly.
"What? He was only doing his job..." She glanced at her. "...right?"
"This is the alcohol talking," Sandy dismissed before standing up. "You would never forgive a man this easy if you were sober."
"It's Margarita Night, what's the point of being sober?" She proved her point by finishing the last drop of liquor from her glass, the vibrant notes of freshly squeezed lime and tequila playing across her taste buds.
Sandy simply scoffed as she took her glass and disappeared into the kitchen, the sound of utensils clinking together following behind as she started making them a refill. 
Y/n leaned back and closed her eyes, her body poised for a moment of relaxation. But just as the first tendrils of calm began to envelop her, a sharp interruption pierced through the air—the sound of the doorbell ringing.
A grin tugged at the corners of her lips as she rose from the couch. "Our pizza is here!"
Light steps carried her to the door as her stomach grumbled in anticipation, the scent of cheesy goodness already wafting through her imagination. She slowly wrapped her hand around the doorknob and swung the door open, but instead of being greeted by the delivery guy clad in his familiar uniform, the last person she thought would be on the other side of her door stood right in front of her.
Her eyes widened, capturing the shock that rendered her momentarily speechless. Time seemed to slow as her heart raced with caution while she attempted to process on what was happening.
What were the chances of seeing him again right at the moment when she had her friend coming over just so she could rant about the guy?
It was as if the universe was playing a trick on her, presenting a twist she could never have anticipated. As the seconds ticked by, she then finally found her voice, a mix of caution and confusion lacing her words as she muttered, "You're not the delivery guy."
"I'm not," Spencer—god, she still couldn’t believe he was here—responded, his eyes scanning along her features. "Sorry to disappoint you."
There was a fleeting moment where their gaze met, an unspoken wariness passing between them. The memory of their last meeting surfaced with a wave of tension that tugged at the corners of her mouth. She watched as his expression shifted, the space between them seemed to shrink, the air heavy with the weight of their unspoken words.
Then a throat being cleared cut through the silence, a soft disruption that broke the spell of their locked eyes. Startled, her gaze broke away from his, shifting to the source of the interruption. And there, standing beside him was another figure—a woman she hadn't noticed until that very moment.
Recognition flashed in her eyes as she glanced at the familiar face, recalling the blonde-haired lady as one of the agents she met at the bureau the other day. Agent... Jareau, was it?
Yes, that was definitely her name. She was one of the few agents who actually treated her without judgment, checking in on her from time to time, which was why she focused her attention on her instead.
"Agent Jareau, what brings you here?"
"Sorry to barge in this late," she replied with an apologetic smile. "But we'd like to have a few words with you."
"It's fine." Y/n stepped aside and pulled the door wider. "Do you want to come in?"
"No, it's alright, we'll be quick—"
"Yes."
Her gaze turned back to the other man and narrowed her eyes.
"I think it’s better to have this conversation inside."
She studied him for a moment before nodding, letting the two agents step inside her home. There was a clatter coming from the kitchen as she closed the door before walking down the hallway, expecting them to follow behind. "We can talk in the living room but—"
"We're putting you on protection."
She abruptly turned on her heels. "What?"
Agent Jareau sent a disapproving look towards Spencer as if trying to say this was not how they usually handle things in this situation. The woman turned back to her and gave her a reassuring smile before explaining, "We've been investigating the situation thoroughly, and it appears that the Unsub we're dealing with might have developed an unhealthy obsession with you."
Her heart slowly raced, a mix of fear and disbelief coursing through her veins as the words finally sink in. "Obsession?” Her brows furrowed deeper. “What do you mean?"
"As you may know, all of the victims were related to you in one way or another, where you received some kind of mistreatment by them all. We believe the Unsub might be doing this out of his way to protect you."
She felt a knot tightening in her stomach, a growing sense of vulnerability she had never experienced before. "P-Protect me? But why?"
Agent Jareau's expression softened as she continued, "We're still working to understand the motives behind their actions. But given the escalating behavior and the potential danger it poses, we've decided it's best to put you under protection."
Her mind was a whirlwind of confusion and fear. "Protection? Like... witness protection?"
Spencer, who had been quietly observing, spoke up. "Something similar. We're proposing a protective measure—having an officer discreetly follow you during your daily routine."
Her eyes widened in disbelief. "You want me to be followed?"
Agent Jareau interjected, "It's for your own safety. We believe that having an officer close by could deter any potential threat and give us a better chance of identifying the Unsub."
Her mind raced as she considered the implications. "But how will I know? Will the officer be obvious?"
"Officer Anderson is currently outside in a separate car. He's trained to blend in while keeping a watchful eye on your surroundings."
"I..." she trailed off, then shook her head. "Will he be there all the time?"
Spencer nodded. "Yes, but we'll do our best to be inconspicuous. You won't even know he's there most of the time."
The idea of having an undercover officer tailing her sent a mixture of emotions coursing through her veins. Safety, yes, but also an unsettling feeling of being under constant scrutiny.
"Is this really necessary?"
"Yes, it is."
Her thoughts suddenly spun like a whirlwind, torn between disbelief and grim realization. She had always taken her daily routines for granted, the simple act of going to work or meeting friends devoid of apprehension. Now, each step she took seemed laden with an invisible weight, as if unseen eyes were tracking her every movement.
And to top it all, was she actually the sole reason behind these murders? She wasn't exactly the one acting out these gruesome crimes, yet it might as well happened because of her. Who could harbor such an unhealthy fixation on her? What had she done to attract this unwanted attention?
The unanswered mysteries gnawed at her.
Agent Jareau reached out and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder as she read the familiar look in her eyes, it was the same look whenever a witness was starting to blame themselves. "This isn't your fault, we're here to support you through this. Your safety is our priority.”
With a deep breath, she nodded, silently accepting the protection they offered. The blonde-haired woman then gestured for her to open the door, which she did, and pointed towards a car parked a few blocks away with its window down, revealing a normal-looking guy sitting behind the wheel.
"That's Officer Anderson, he'll be trailing behind you at a safe distance. You won't even notice he's there."
The officer caught them staring and lifted his hand, a gesture of his greeting. Y/n waved back at him. "Great, I've always wanted a personal bodyguard."
Unfortunately, none of the two agents standing beside her caught the sarcasm in her voice. Agent Jareau turned back to her. "You have our number, right? You can call us anytime if you need assistance."
She did have her number, she also had Agent Prentiss' number who constantly assured her to call if she ever found anything new that could help with the investigation. But surprisingly, out of all the agents she met, the one agent she didn't have their number was the one she had been sleeping with all along.
Not that she was ever going to call him. She simply nodded out of politeness, and as she did, she could feel watchful eyes staring at her intently. Agent Jareau's keen eyes also caught the subtle interaction unfolding before her. She caught the way Spencer's gaze fixed with unwavering intensity on Y/n, who seemed determinedly oblivious to the weight of his stare, or rather, she was purposefully attempting to ignore his scrutiny.
Sensing the tension in the air, she took a step back, offering a fleeting glance to Spencer before turning to leave. "I'll wait in the car."
Her footsteps softly echoed in the night as she disappeared, and Y/n wasn't sure whether being left with him was a good idea.
She could feel the subtle shifts of his movements, the barely perceptible rise and fall of his chest, as they stood just inches apart. She could also feel the warmth radiating from his body, a tantalizing contrast to the cool breeze that brushed against her skin.
"You okay?"
The air felt charged with tension as he spoke, his voice carrying a mix of nervousness and sincerity.
"It's safe to say I'm far from being okay," she decided to say.
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his fingers curling and then relaxing by his sides. His lips parted slightly as if he were on the cusp of forming the words he had carried within him for so long. His gaze, intense yet searching, traced the contours of her face as if trying to find the right entry point into a conversation that had been left untouched.
And then he finally spoke.
"I'm sorry."
She finally dragged her gaze on him with an expression that betrayed little emotion. "Are you sorry because a serial killer out there has an unhealthy obsession with me or are you sorry about your misconception of me?"
"Both." He seemed to search her eyes for a reaction, his uncertainty palpable. "But you must understand I was doing my job, it was never my intention to hurt you."
"But you did hurt me," she answered, her gaze dropping momentarily before returning to meet his. "Whether it was intentional or not."
He seemed to struggle for words, a mix of emotions playing across his features "I know. I'm sorry."
She tilted her head slightly, her expression remaining impassive. After hearing the new update on the case and how much she was actually involved, she wasn’t in the mood to be having a serious conversation.
"It's getting late,” she mumbled, crossing her arms. “You should probably leave."
Spencer let out a sigh. "Listen, I—"
"It’s getting late,” she repeated, her voice sounding severe. “We can have this conversation another time.”
His shoulders slumped, the weight of his remorse heavy on his chest. He had hoped for a reaction, a sign that his apology had made a difference. Instead, her indifference left him feeling adrift, as if it was a barrier that he couldn't breach, a shield that rendered his efforts to make amends ineffective.
There was nothing else he could do as she turned to face him fully again, her eyes meeting his with a calm finality.
"Good night, Dr. Reid."
He reluctantly took a step back.
"Good night," he murmured.
Then with a nod, he slowly turned away, leaving her standing there all alone. Her gaze remained fixed on his receding figure, his form gradually blending into the night.
Doubt suddenly gnawed at the edges of her consciousness—Had she made the right choice? Was her choice to distance herself a shield to guard against potential heartache, or was it a missed opportunity to rebuild what had been lost?
She shook her head and went back inside, closing the door behind her before leaning against it. It wasn't until she heard footsteps emerging from the kitchen that she realized Sandy was still here.
"What was that all about?"
Y/n glanced at her friend. The two freshly filled glasses in her hands were calling out to her and drowning herself in heaps amount of alcohol seemed like a good idea, even when she was probably going to regret it tomorrow morning. But she needed to feel numb by all of these emotions.
She watched as Sandy offered her a glass, waiting for her reply. There were a lot of things she could answer with, but the only matter that stood out to her was the new revelation on her involvement on the case. So she took the glass from her and pressed her lips around the rim as her mind drifted toward the disguised officer sitting right outside her house.
There was no other way than to explain it as it was.
"I think I might be in danger."
>> NEXT PART
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taglist #1
@tereresrock @casthings @vader-is-hot @maevethelesbian @whereintheworldisspencerreid @reidverseq @niyahwhoreworld @l4venderia @theintrovertedthespian @lovelyxtom @tayzerr-72 @mulbsstuff @dorothleah @stevenknightmarc @prettyboyspenceee @gracesmusings @kalulakunundrum @fearlessmoony @r5court @simp4f1 @thecrazytealady @nyeddleblog @ghostheartbeat @comfortzonequeen @iiheartbowie @louderfortheback @busy-buzzing @alexis-exe2008 @imtherealslimmoony @baeofevery @elamultistan @lyxennz @avid-fic-reader-05
@cowstealer427 @thollandsdarling @ghxst-heart @cashtons-wife @kyuupidwrites @you-sunshine @comboboo @sebastiansstanswhore @panic-monster @marimorena06 @alice-ace299 @uncle-eggy @bollzinurmouth @julezs-bl0g @ruhrohragu @eternally-passionate @kazuumii @spencerr3idd @withered-rxse @broken-pieces @siredtomsgilbert @kaiya3333 @furiousbanditnickelknight @pinkangelavenue @slay-and-gay @woahnotmecryingoverafanfiction @zeysartzone @frxcless @sadroses98
PLEASE READ: If you already asked me to be added but you're not on the list OR you want to be added in the future, please comment on this post so I can see it. But make sure your blog can be searched or I can't tag you. Or if you want to be removed you can also tell me. Thank you :)
Don’t forget to interact with the story!
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pucksandpower · 1 year
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Can I request a Charles insta au where his gf receives hate from the fandom and Charles defending her <<3
Charles Leclerc x widow!Reader - Social Media AU
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charles_leclerc
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Liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 1,063,894 others
charles_leclerc date night on the road ❤️
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yourusername so thankful i get to experience all of this with you
charles_leclerc i wouldn’t have it any other way
pierregasly wow just go ahead and crop us out i guess
carlossainz55 they were so caught up in each other i think they forgot that we joined them for dinner
gridgossip why is she private???
circlingthecircuit must have something to hide
leleleclerc or … she doesn’t want to sacrifice her privacy just because she’s dating an f1 driver
paddockgirlie awww they look so happy together
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charles_leclerc
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charles_leclerc my pianist in-training
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yourusername emphasis on in-training 🫣
charles_leclerc you weren’t that bad
yourusername don’t lie to me
charles_leclerc seriously, it was good for your first time learning to play
tifositalking in the words of avril lavigne: hey, hey, you, you, i don't like your girlfriend. no way, no way, i think you need a new one
ferrari4ever charles could do so much better than her!
leclercitup am i the only one who thinks they’re adorable?
feralforferrari me too! they genuinely look completely in love with each other
leclercalicious you deserve to be more than just a rebound for a gold digger
pierregasly
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pierregasly no wonder charles actually let me drive without a fight today
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yourusername couldn’t help it. i had a comfy pillow
charles_leclerc and i had a personal space heater
luckyleclerc tell charles that she’s just using him
gridgossip seriously! how does charles not realize that she’s going to lead him on and then discard him just like she did her first husband?
totallytifosi you need to leave them alone. you know nothing about her or their relationship. stop blindly hating
charles_leclerc
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charles_leclerc an important note
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pierregasly no one should have to deal with this and especially not someone with a soul as kind as y/n’s
sebastianvettel so sorry to hear what y/n has been through. it can get very tough sometimes. we’re always here if you need to talk
carlossainz55 anyone who doesn’t like y/n is a horrible judge of character
yourusername
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yourusername It has now been four years without you, my love. Your hoodies no longer smell like you no matter how long I refused to wash them. Your fingerprints on the mirror have been covered by dust. Sometimes I find myself forgetting what your voice sounded like and breaking down in the middle of work. Grief is a horrible thing. But you are permanently imprinted in my heart and my memories of you live on. I fight every day to keep them alive.
I met someone — his name is Charles. In many ways, he reminds me of you. You are both loyal and loving and so incredibly passionate. For the first time in years, I felt my heart come alive again. Charles understands how cruelly love can be snatched away from you. He understands the battle of trying to keep living while melancholy weighs you down. Alongside him, I learned that my heart has room enough for two incredible men and that I can love you both equally and in your own ways.
I know that this is what you would have wanted for me. I know that you’re smiling down on me right now. And it took me a long time to come to terms with it, but I know that it is okay for me to find love and happiness again. I have found it all with Charles. Time will keep passing us by but I promise that my love for you will never grow fainter.
To Ben, I will always love you. To Charles, I will love you just as faithfully until my own dying breath. To those who have supported me, you gave me a reason to keep living. To those who have misjudged and hated on me, I hope that going public with this will set the story straight and at the very least lead to me being treated with basic human decency. Thank you
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charles_leclerc so proud of you, mon amour. thank you for loving me and letting me love you
pierregasly one of the strongest people i know
arthur_leclerc charles has never been happier and anyone with eyes can see that
leclerc_pascale ❤️❤️❤️
carlossainz55 so much love to you both
landonorris i’m so sorry it came to this but we’re all behind you
georgerussell63 we always have your back
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mtkay13 · 3 months
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Gonna post TWO hoboxus today because I CAN! (still desperately trying to catch up with my twitter posts LOL help I'm terrible at this)
From a meme based on art by KOTTERI, the author of Veil (among amazing other things). Find them on twitter @_K0TTERl_!
More musing below, as per usual! (Be ready it's a LONG one again)
I really hesitated with how I wanted to do this. The original had this gorgeous red poster that seemed like a perfect fit for WKX:
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(@_K0TTERl_)
Either I went for the imagery of ZZS wistfully gazing upon the mysterious and eccentric WKX, which would definitely have been more aesthetic and undeniably fitting, or I went the semi-humorous route of channelling the "WKX fell for that ugly hobo and his gorgeous shoulder blades" meme-ified side of their dynamic.
Well, clearly that's where I ended up going, but I feel like explaining a bit.
For me, this picture was three-folds:
First part is the meme; it's kind of funny, kind of ridiculous, and sets the tone of what TYK starts off as; rather absurd, with its reasonable dose of dark humor, and the (at first seemingly improbable) meeting and love story between a silly dying hobo and a strange, suspicious, hedonistic gentleman. It felt thematically appropriate for TYK to twist the original image and put the obviously uglier one on the poster since TYK relies heavily on genre subversion to begin with.
Secondly, there is WKX. So, controversial opinion (/jk) but I don't think WKX was necessarily convinced or even really thought that ZZS was "a beauty" underneath his alleged mask. It was probably a mix of various feelings and teasing/provoking which lead to this joke. First, everything he expresses throughout the book and in extra 4; the fascination for this man who seemed too hide great strength and was of no known identity--who was probably more than what he seemed.
(I'm gonna push it just a little bit ((but isn't that the fun of literary interpretation)), but the "beauty under the mask" is not only physical. It could be a way to say, I think that beneath your raunchy, ridiculous attitude, beneath your gross appearance, beneath the pretense that you're a nobody, that you're a peasant, you're probably someone of great importance and great accomplishments, someone much stronger than you pretend to be--someone like me, perhaps, even. The shoulder blades references are, besides of course WKX *actually* noticing them, the observation of how ZZS moves, of how agile his body is, etc...)
Anyway-- the entire point of this intro is to say that to me, this isn't actually referring to that whole side of their dynamic (or not entirely), but rather to that passage that I am STILL OBSESSED WITH where Wen Kexing recognizes ZZS just from the way he's sitting in a restaurant, and that makes him feel things not entirely positive:
Zhou Zishu stepped into an inn alone. He chose a seat by a window, ordered a few side dishes and a jug of mulled rice wine, and drank it slowly while soaking in the sunshine. As soon as Wen Kexing walked in, he saw Zhou Zishu from behind. He didn’t know why, but he thought that this view was quite special—he could always pick it out of a crowd. Zhou Zishu did not sit with his back straight. Most of the time, he lounged indolently at an angle that looked exceptionally comfortable. Wen Kexing thought that it seemed as though nothing weighed on him; seeing him was enough to ease the heart. Wen Kexing unconsciously halted his steps. He stared at Zhou Zishu’s relaxed silhouette for a while, with no trace of an expression in his face or eyes. His heart swelled with some strange feeling—strange, in that it was no feeling at all. He felt as though this man was mocking him with this wordless posture; he who rushed around for one thing or another, who was burdened with so many cares, yet obstinately put on a devil-may-care persona. Zhou Xu—as carefree as duckweed, he thought, with a body like willow catkins. In all the world, with its boundless perspectives, where could you find someone who walked their path alone and never allowed anything to trouble them? Yet he was not apathetic—he had his joy, his anger, his sorrow—and they came in a flash as quickly as they went. Within the blink of an eye, he had forgotten it already.
(Tian Ya Ke, chapter 18, TL by Lianzi) (have I quoted this already??? If not I should have I love this passage so much)
AND THEN QUOTING ANOTHER PASSAGE (LOL), TL by me this time:
From the moment he'd noticed his shoulderblades, felt this rush of excitement, to when he'd started liking who Zhou Zishu was, when he'd thought——so this is the Commander of Tian Chuang. Suddenly, he'd felt as if he'd met his other self. Both of them, lone wolves caught in a hunter's trap, struggling for freedom to no avail, until they had resolved to coldly gnawing off their own legs in the end. He'd felt compelled to follow him around, watched him, until he suddenly realised—if Zhou Zishu could live like this, then surely, so could he?
(Full passage in this other post LOL)
So yes, THIS. Those two things. That's it. Need I say more? HAH OF COURSE I DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO (help)
More seriously--the way WKX is captivated by ZZS' apparent carefreeness and freedom, all the different feelings (or absence thereof, as he puts it, which I interpret as so distant from what he's used to feel that it almost feels like nothing at all) is what I was going for here.... By not showing his face at all LMAO
The envy, the frustration--the impression of being mocked, but also the longing, how it inspired him to follow along and try to be free like he was.
-cough- yes, so that was point 2 out of 3.
Now lastly, about ZZS himself and my representation of him as hoboxu. I think (?) I've written enough about him that I think I can keep this succint. I love how priest often makes a point of expliciting, in the book, how he's so often smiling, and how he's always incredibly energetic in the morning, as if the night of pain had never happened. I like to think that hoboxu is both a carricature of a ridiculous character that ZZS has fun embodying---but also a liberated expression of his deeper self.
WKX feels like he's mocking him, but ZZS is also mocking himself relentlessly, when he feels like the outside resembles the inside finally, when he feels ridiculous in these new robes, when he allows himself the most outrageous behavior---and then there's mocking life itself, mocking jianghu, mocking everything that he nonetheless deeply cherishes. It's almost... gently mocking, affectionate mocking of everything because his own life has become a joke yet he's still going to enjoy it to the fullest--drinking to his heart's content, rolling in the mud and visiting touristy sites (or so he intended).
In the end... the world is still in his own hands. He chose everything, chose the way he lived, the way he (would have) died and still has the power to dissappear at will--but he stays. Stays and endures what he pretends annoys him, because he can't help himself, because he's ridiculous and is aware of it and may as well have some fun while being so.
I can't seem to ever have enough of this, of this vibe. I wanted to have him laugh at and with WKX, at and with the people seeing him, at and with himself, at and with the narrative.
SO YEAH HAH THATS HUM THAT'S IT. You know what they say, it's only a fun meme if there's an essay behind it (noone says that help 😭😭😭😭)
I hope you had fun reading it and have a nice weeked 🤪
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exeggcute · 5 months
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well it's been almost six months which I think is long enough to break my posting embargo, so, uh: guess what! I got liposuction lol. specifically hip/thigh lipo to quell some pretty wicked dysphoria that stemmed from having such a feminine silhouette… and I have to say I'm really, really pleased with the results.
tbh my initial plan was to keep things under wraps for good which is why I haven't said anything about it yet (and even as I'm typing this up I keep debating whether to post it or trash it)—partly because I was/am worried people might Act Weird about it and partly because I get a little embarrassed talking about bodygendershit in general. but here we are. one reason I do feel compelled to finally share, other than being super happy about how everything went, is that I haven't encountered a lot of discussions about body sculpting as a possible avenue of gender-affirming care (although, to be fair, maybe I just haven't been looking in the right places) and I figured at least one person out there would be interested to learn about what I did and where I've ended up so far.
anyway. pics/details under the cut—nothing even remotely risqué (or yucky), I just know that body image stuff is fraught + not everyone is eager to hear surgery talk.
to be precise: I got tumescent liposuction of the inner and outer thigh, plus this ultrasound thing to help the skin shrink. a different surgeon who I consulted (but ultimately did not go with for a number of reasons) said that even if I got the results I wanted from lipo, which he claimed was unlikely, the affected skin would look loose/baggy/weird forever... and that surgeon was wrong on both counts lol. my elasticity was great bitch!!!!
they didn't take out that much fat overall, only eight pounds or so, but it's way more about the Where than the How Much. my actual surgeon (who kicks ass btw) said lipo isn't that great for weight loss per se, and what it's really good for is sculpting targeted areas—so basically exactly what I did. six months post-op I actually weigh about the same as what I did pre-op, but the distribution has held steady; more weight goes to my stomach now and less, proportionally, goes to my hips since there are fewer fat cells in that area now. so my silhouette retains its new shape!
the overall change is admittedly on the subtle side, since I'm pretty short and have wide hip bones (and you can't change your literal skeleton) but it's still gone a looooooong way. the main thing I requested from my surgeon was "I want to fit in men's pants" and boy did he deliver.
also a good place to note that if you're in the las vegas area looking for a plastic and/or cosmetic surgeon—this guy is board-certified in both btw—then I absolutely have the guy for you. feel free to DM me for details. lipo is clearly his specialty (and it shows!) but he also does a lot of breast revisions/mastopexy (i.e., fixing implants that other surgeons did a bad job putting in), regular implants, and face work (particularly facial feminization surgery). one thing that sold me on this guy was an enthusiastic yelp review from a local stripper who said he hid the incisions for her breast lift in her armpits so none of her clients would notice that she'd had work done... a true master of his craft
okay you've scrolled enough so I'll give you what you're here for lol. I don't have many pre-op pics because I was obviously unhappy with how I looked and was not taking full-body selfies on a regular basis, but here's a few I took ~2 weeks beforehand:
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these super thin men's joggers were my go-to dysphoria pants, to the point where I bought five pairs in different colors, but now they're so baggy on me that they have the opposite effect and make it look like I have wider hips than I do. so I retired them from my wardrobe...
...except not immediately because I had to wear compression garments 24/7 for the first three months post-op and these joggers were just loose enough to comfortably wear a medical girdle underneath them at all times, 110° degree temperatures be damned. (not that I was going out much for the first month since I was soooooooooooo fucking bruised and sore lol.) here's a few post-op pics in the same style pants:
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(first pic is less than 24 hours post-op, about to go to my follow-up appointment, looking greasy as fuck because I wasn't allowed to shower yet; second pic two days post-op and also post-shower, thankfully; third pic is about a month post-op.)
so, like, CLEAR improvement already. I will not be posting pictures of my black-and-blue-and-swollen-all-over legs but considering how puffy I was from getting internally pummeled with a cannula it's wild that I still saw improvement literally as soon as I came home.
recovery was obviously not a blast in the moment but I got off easy, all things considered. I was supposed to get drains put in and was Not looking forward to that at all lol. the first thing I asked when I woke up after surgery was "how many drains?" because they weren't sure if I'd end up needing two or four, but it turned out the answer was zero. no drains!!!
I did have to lie with my feet elevated for the first two weeks straight, and had major bruising that receded over the first month (you could barely see my regular skin underneath all the mottled spots), but little to no nerve pain, no weird complications, and I was more or less back to normal after six weeks. also noelle took very very good care of me and was brave about injecting me with blood thinners so I wouldn't get clots and die :)
when I went into it I was fully expecting to get huge vertical scars up and down the sides of my legs (and had made peace with it!) but instead I wound up with four tiny incisions like this, each less than two inches long:
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what's totally crazy is that the scars are basically Gone now. like even when I'm trying to find them I struggle to locate the ones in the front. I joked to noelle that if someone did an autopsy on me they might not figure out that I'd had cosmetic surgery, especially since the skin on my thighs is back to its normal color and texture. (in this scenario I like to imagine that it's dana scully giving me the autopsy and I'm in an x-files plot where instead of regular lipo I got alien lipo and mulder figures it out purely by accident.)
with lipo it can take up to a year to see the full results but I already feel so much fucking better in my body that seeing old pre-op pics throws me for a loop. and I can absolutely wear men's pants now—pants for short and stocky men, to be fair, but actual regular men's pants and not exclusively Pants For Men With Huge Butts And Legs. which is the only style I could even hope to fit in before. and even then it was a stretch.
big pic dump of shitty mirror selfies taken over the last few months:
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:)
(also I really debated sharing this one but I already included it in the yelp review I left my surgeon so fuck it: here's a tasteful before-and-after in my undies where you can see my bare legs for easier comparison. left pic is one week pre-op, right pic is about five months post-op. including it as a link instead of embedding it in the post in case your boss happens to be reading over your shoulder at this very moment. also this is the one and only time you will ever see me stripped down on tumblr dot com so don't get used to it lol.)
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crownmemes · 8 months
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Concerned Sentences, Vol. 3
(Concerned sentences from various sources. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"Don’t become part of someone else’s cause or crusade. Pursue your own self-interest. Always."
"My strong recommendation: don't."
"Please, I just want to help you."
"You're not fine, I know. I know because I've been where you are."
"I'm so scared that I've just got you back and now I'm going to lose you again."
"It's been a long time since you've enjoyed any intimate contact."
"That can happen, you know? You can lose."
"I think you're suffering from post-traumatic stress."
"I don't mean to intrude, but you seem to have something weighing heavily on you."
"Don't go looking for something you don't want to find."
"People are starting to worry about you, you know that?"
"Does it ever bother you? Being alone?"
"I've known you long enough to be able to tell when you're lying."
"I haven't convinced you, have I?"
"Please, take care of yourself."
"It's happening again, isn't it?"
"I appreciate your concern, but there's no need for you to get involved with this."
"Are you okay? You seem... Hyper?"
"You think too much."
"You're very quiet. What are you thinking about?"
"Look, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."
"You've allowed yourself to be led astray, and there's no hope of finding your way back."
"The internet is not good for you."
"You're being paranoid, even for you."
"Why won't you tell me anything anymore?"
"Why are you so paranoid?"
"You live under this misguided notion that silence is strength. You've built a wall to keep everyone out."
"Where the hell are you going with your mind?"
"Have you ever actually been in a fight?"
"I know you're happy with him, but would you be happier without him?"
"You look peculiar. What's wrong?"
"Oh my god! What happened to you?"
"Why haven't you answered my calls?"
"I fear you've become too dependent on me."
"You realise, of course, that you're just staving off the inevitable?"
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onesidedradiostatic · 2 months
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Hear me out.
I've been thinking about this post : https://www.tumblr.com/onesidedradiostatic/745384039518814208/extremely-cursed-thought?source=share
And like, what if Alastor paid someone to make a mod of it where he's the horse (deer version)?
Like, he knows of Vox's obsession...so obviously he'd use it to his advantage right?
So is it so far fetched of him to have someone make a mod with a spyware that hacks the phone's camera while the game's playing?
Because there's no way Vox wouldn't play the mod, and that would make for some sweet sweet blackmail that Alastor could use to his benefit.
And if the person he pays also manages to make it so Vox's the only one with access to that mod Alastor would only benefit from it since nobody else could fantasize over his Mars Attack Deer edition body.
Hell, maybe it could be a bonding experience organised by Charlie to make up for Lucifer's commissions and Nifty's fanfics.
Lucifer makes the artwork, Nifty changes the plot to her (and Vox's) liking and Alastor supervises (and pukes).
(link in ask)
HELP I mean. I feel like it wouldn't be something alastor would initiate on his own, not because he wouldn't take advantage of vox, but because spyware is more modern technology and I'm not sure if he'd stoop to using modern technology just for this. and also, would he even know what spyware is? and aside from the modern tech, he'd have to agree to letting himself be....... presented in such a manner. not even necessarily the horse-deer thing I mean I'm sure he's presented himself in much more horrifying ways, but the fact that it's a DATING sim. like weigh the pros and cons, entertainment from seeing vox get trampled vs a bunch of things he fucking hates.
oh yeah I think alastor knows about vox's obsession but he doesn't know the romantic/sexual aspect of it at ALL.
but sure, let's take this as one of the hotel's plans post-finding-out about it however they do (as I've said in previous posts, whether it be through alastor recounting the Business Proposal(TM) to mock vox and the hotel being like "OOOOHHHHHhhhhHHHhhhHHh yeah alastor I think you may have misinterpreted that just a TINY bit" or finding out vox has been commissioning lucifer to make zesty art of him), I think it'd be more likely if it was like a hotel initiated plan as opposed to an alastor initiated one cause of the above factors LMAO. so yeah sure "bonding experience organised by Charlie to make up for Lucifer's commissions and Nifty's fanfics"
lucifer and niffty don't only contribute art and writing, they contribute the money going into the spyware development (unless anyone in the hotel actually has enough tech knowledge to develop one. and I was about to search up how to code spyware just for this but I was worried I may end up on a list). and yes alastor pukes.
realistically. I do think vox's digital security is strong enough for him to counter spyware/digital attacks (which is why I think an actual physical distraction for vox while the hotel does whatever is more effective) but I think it'd be funny if he like got so distracted by the surprisingly high quality mod that he didn't realise his system's anti viruses going off until the hotel got a good chunk of him enjoying the game more than he should've (and he gets made fun of for it by velvette forever but also gets scolded by her for not noticing the spyware sooner and he's lucky he didn't leak too much essential vee stuff during it) and he then swiftly removes the spyware from the code and just keeps the mod so he can keep playing it because for some reason the hotel crew got like really into its development and it's actually a very high quality fully-functional mod, and he lets no one find out that he kept it (or at least attempts to).
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I think one of the reasons that kaladin can deal with actively killing as a soldier but not with accidentally (passively) letting someone die as a surgeon is the sense of failure (plus of course the obvious protection aspect and the whole me-vs-them mentality he only really starts to question when Shin joins bridge four, and he starts interacting fairly regularly with a light-eyes he can genuinely respect). dalinar himself said that he "love(s) taking responsibility for things", which is especially clear in the way he still can't quite blame amaram for tien's demise (because he feels like this is his failure, too).
like we can see in the first book that the deaths of the people he swore to protect weigh on him not only because of the dying people per se, but also (and I would argue: especially) because of his FAILURE to keep them alive. he always makes this connection to himself, thinks of their demise in relation to HIS own person and HIS role and HIS failure (cue the whole "stormfather cursed me specifically" thing). like, besides tien and the bridgemen (who we know because they are active current characters), can we truly say much of anything about the people he failed to protect in the past? the only thing we really know is how HE feels about it and how it messed HIM up. but the people themselves??
kaladin just has insane main character syndrome, and everything happening to him (first dark-eyed to have the rank of a light-eyed, one of the only surgebinders, guy able to survive multiple fights with actual shardbearers, etc etc) do the opposite of helping him dissuade the notion. I feel like I lost the plot of my own post. Kal is honorable and a good guy and everything but he is also pretty self-centered? which I actually find really cool because many times people who do objectively good actions are still kind of demonized if they don't do it for the "right" reasons (aka purely 1000% selflessness), but Kal explicitly starts helping the bridgemen not because he actually cares about them but because he needs a reason to not commit suicide. and when he loses bridgemen (especially in the beginning where he barely knows them) he always immediately thinks back to the other people he FAILED to save. he isn't devastated because that person in particular died, he is upset because he is very bad at dealing with his own failures and also terrified that the wretch will use this to lure him back onto the ledge. i mean, he loathes failure so much he was resigned to never see his parents again (who he clearly loves a lot and who he knows would welcome him back with open arms; it's his own shame that he can't confront)
he helps people primarily to try to make up for the failures of the past, an attempt to dissuade the guilt and shame eating him alive 24/7 (which of course never works because guilt is a very unreasonable emotion and as long as he doesn't change his mindset and confronts his own beliefs about himself and the world it will never go away.)
"do the fire sprin create the flames or are they attracted by them?" of course syl was compelled to follow kaladin around. dude keeps actively (even if semi-unconsciously) putting himself into the same role and situation over and over again in the hopes that if he can only succeed one time it will somehow redeem him for his past failures. literally every single thing Kal does and thinks and believes is rooted in the fact that he blames himself for tien's demise. he needs to somehow redeem himself in order to be able to live with himself but at the same time he can never be redeemed because letting tien die is an unforgivable crime and yet he needs to make it up somehow because the wretch is always in the back of his mind and he's actually terrified of it but he is equally scared of actually somehow managing to get over this sense of guilt and failure because wouldn't forgiving himself mean he thinks tien is less important than his own stupid (and, in his mind, deserved) feelings?
that guy is so not over his brother's death it actually isn't funny anymore 💀 please get that dude some fucking therapy 😭😭
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weirdmarioenemies · 9 months
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No one stopped me but myself, but I'm back to ranking all the Super Mario Galaxies
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Sorry this took so long! Mix of some busy weeks and some low energy. These are long posts! Takes a lot of time to write them.
Hello, everyone! Today we're approaching the top of the mountain. The very best galaxies these games have to offer... at least to me. I know I've stated this a lot but like, opinions are totally subjective, and what appeals to me may not appeal to you and vice versa! But these ones appeal to me and quite a lot.
By the next entry, we will have covered all of the galaxies there are, which is pretty exciting. You can expect it on some Sunday, but given how the last few weeks have gone, I won't make any promises about the specifics of when. And if this is the first time you're seeing one of these posts and want to catch up, I've got you covered. Here's part one, part two, part three, and part four.
With that out of the way, I think we're about good to go! Let's start covering some of the best these games have to offer!
20. Grandmaster Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
Grandmaster Galaxy should be grateful we're not ranking the galaxies in the order you play them, or else it'd be dead last.
If I'm not mistaken, Super Mario Galaxy 2 was the first game to feature a very long, very difficult gauntlet as a "final test" of sorts, and here it is! This is another of those things that has basically become a series staple of Mario games at this point, with similar levels existing in 3D Land, 3D World, and Odyssey, and given they've latched onto this concept so much, it's probably not controversial to say that the first instance of this probably did something right.
And it did! The Grandmaster Galaxy throws a number of different obstacles at you, from a segment where all you have to get around is those Yoshi Tongue Flower Things, to a segment with electrical mazes, to a segment where you have to dodge Ring Beamers around flip-swap panels and disappearing platforms, to a segment with some tricky pull star timing. I would go ahead and say the segment with the flipswitches and Sentry Beams is on the easy side, but that's towards the start, so it's probably fine.
The first run of the galaxy is challenging, but also feels a bit like a "practice run," giving you room to acquaint yourself with each step of the galaxy before the Perfect Run, where you have to do the whole thing in one go with only one health. This is the time where I admit: I've only ever beaten the Perfect Run with help from a Co-Star Luma. Is that cheating? I dunno. I never promised I was great at video games! Only good enough to 100% most of the game and beat the Grandmaster Galaxy non-perfect run, and still do the Perfect Run with a little help. ...That counts for something, right?
Either way, I think Grandmaster provides more than an adequate challenge, making it succeed as both a test of skill, and as a finale for the rest of the game to build up to.
19. Matter Splatter Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: S
If you exclude boss missions, I'd say Matter Splatter Galaxy is probably the best one-off galaxy in the first game. Actually, the Garden in general is a really good dome. This is the first of its galaxies I'm covering on this list! (As long as you don't look at the Hungry Luma standing outside. I question how much Snow Cap Galaxy single-handedly weighs down this dome if you're willing to include it.)
I've kinda ragged on a lot of the smaller-scale galaxies in the first game, and while the small scale is maybe part of the reason I've been more dismissive of them, as a whole, I think what hurts them more for me is that I rarely find their gimmicks all that unique or interesting. If a gimmicky one-off galaxy has a good enough gimmick? Then yeah, I'll love it to bits! And Matter Splatter Galaxy has that "good enough gimmick".
I touched on this one a bit when talking about Sweet Mystery Galaxy, what with how both make use of the "what you can see is all that's there" concept, but as a whole, I think Matter Splatter does it a bit better, due to the lack of player control. It adds an element where you have to consider when you want to approach, and makes for some fun improvisation when your timing is off. You lose out on some of that improvisation when the location of the ground is something you have more control over, you know?
But what truly escalates Matter Splatter to me is how much variety they get out of its gimmick. For the first half of the galaxy, droplets of matter will "light up" the ground you can walk on, with the ground gradually fading until another drop hits the same spot. It's a fun test of pattern recognition and timing, and it comes with both 2D and 3D segments for a bit of added variety! As a whole, I'd say I generally prefer this half of the galaxy since it feels a bit more distinctive, but it's not like this galaxy suddenly becomes weak in the back half.
The back half switches things up, focusing on large, moving "spotlights" you have to keep yourself in, changing to a bit of an autoscroller, where you have to swiftly adjust to whatever obstacles are coming up ahead, now testing your reflexes and improvisational skills a bit more. Once again, we get both 2D and 3D segments for added variety, and the mix of the galaxy's unique gimmick and autoscrolling format allows for some really fun misdirection in this part. It's a fun switch-up that doesn't depart dramatically from what makes this galaxy so great. All of this comes together to make a one-off gimmick galaxy that feels like it truly gets the most out of a unique concept.
Before I move on, though, I want to talk about the Spring Mushroom. The Spring Mushroom is a weird power-up. It's pretty infamous, and like, for good reason. It's difficult to control, it feels kinda jank to use at times, and most people find it more frustrating than fun and like. I'm not even gonna say I disagree with that sentiment! And yet somehow, against all odds, every galaxy that prominently features the Spring Mushroom has ended up scoring really highly for me. Are these galaxies just great in spite of featuring the Spring Mushroom? Is the Spring Mushroom's jank secretly a good thing? Or is there just something wrong with me? The answer is probably a mix of all three.
18. Bowser's Galaxy Generator
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
Oh hey, it's the finale of the main Super Mario Galaxy 2 campaign! These big finale boss missions are always great, and while I think Galaxy 2's doesn't quite stack up to the first game's, I'd still say that I'd consider it a worthy successor. It still absolutely succeeds as one last grand mission to close out the main game.
Like any good boss galaxy, I love Bowser's Galaxy Generator for its length and sense of variety. Possibly even more so than the Galaxy Reactor from the first game, the Galaxy Generator seems to try testing your knowledge on everything you know, featuring most of the game's brand-new power-ups, save for the Rock Mushroom and Bulb Berry. I think this idea of focusing on the game's new content was the right call, since it helps it feel a bit more like a finale to Super Mario Galaxy 2, specifically.
The level is also adequately challenging! I find the Yoshi segments towards the end to be the toughest, with the Dash Pepper segment being tight enough that even the smallest mistakes can be punishing, while the Snake Block section afterwards requiring some pretty tight reflexes to dodge the Magmarrghs.
With that out of the way, while the level is solidly challenging, I do think the final boss fight is a bit on the easy side. Both the asteroids and Bowser are big enough that landing the hits isn't too much of a challenge, even in the second phase. Heck, arguably less so in the second phase, when replaying this level, I always think of that phase of the fight as being sort of a freebie.
But I also wouldn't say it's a bad fight -- it does a good job escalating the game's previous Bowser encounters, and ground pounding asteroids into a massive Bowser while hurtling through space definitely has a sense of grandeur that I really appreciate. Maybe it could've been a little more difficult or a little longer, but it's certainly memorable, and still very fun, so the fact it's not as difficult as it arguably should be doesn't bother me that much, and doesn't hamper the Galaxy Generator from its S-tier position.
17. Flip-Out Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
I find it a little weird that this is the penultimate galaxy in Super Mario Galaxy 2, you know? Between the boss rush and ultimate challenge levels, you have this weird one-off gimmick level that introduces a variant of a gimmick seen back in World 1, just with an added twist. I guess they wanted the final Hungry Luma galaxy to be a parallel to the first one? I'm not really sure. None of this matters of course, because Flip-Out Galaxy is fan-flipping-tastic!
Yeah, I know that doesn't hit as hard as a real F-bomb, but we try to keep the blog at least somewhat family-friendly, you know? And also the pun!
Anyway, as you may remember, I love Flip-Swap Galaxy quite a bit. Top-notch weird gimmick galaxy, always a joy to play. So I think it goes to say that I love this more difficult spin on its gimmick just as much, if not even more, if the rating hasn't spoken for itself already. Flip-Out Galaxy shifts the focus from the red and blue Flip-Swap panels to red and blue walls that pop in and out when you spin. And of course, that means it's time to perform some Wicked Wall Jumps! This is what that weird short mission in Honeybloom Galaxy has been training you for!
Since this is the penultimate galaxy in the game, it's a pretty tricky one, since a poorly-timed spin can take out not just the walls you're jumping on, but the floor underneath as well, and you'll have to spin a lot when alternating between red and blue walls! Timing will also prove important, not just for exiting a wall jump and spinning to give yourself solid ground to stand on, but also for a segment where you have to keep wall jumping until the spikes underneath you recede, which becomes especially difficult when you throw in the Cosmic Clones...
On that note, I love the decision to use specifically the Cosmic Clone mission for the second Green Star here, and putting it towards the end, too. Makes grabbing it a bit trickier, which is nice for a galaxy this late in the game! Flip-Out does pretty much everything I'd want it to -- it brings back a great old gimmick, changes it up in a way that feels unique, and uses it to craft a fun, albeit challenging late-game mission. My only knock against it? It being so late in the game means you have to play a lot to get there, and they crowd so many of the game's worst galaxies before it, just to rub salt in the wound. But hey, if it's for a galaxy this good, it may as well be worth it.
16. Cosmic Cove Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
I know a handful of people have been disappointed by the low rankings I gave to a lot of these games' water galaxies, so consider this an apology. Well, an apology of some sort, it's not like I decided to move up Cosmic Cove a bunch because people were upset that I didn't like some of the water galaxies. It just happens that I felt a lot of them suffered from having weak missions, hampered a bit by somewhat janky underwater controls. Give me a water galaxy that mitigates both these problems, and I'm sure to fall in love with it. "Underwater" is like, a pretty notable part of My Brand! There's a reason I've put three water galaxies on today's list, everyone!
Case in point: Cosmic Cove Galaxy! Cosmic Cove Galaxy is just gorgeous. I'd say that it's aesthetically one of the strongest galaxies in Super Mario Galaxy 2, which definitely counts for something! I mean, have you heard its music? The harps and pianos create such a relaxing atmosphere, and it sort of reminds me of the music in the next entry on our list...
But let's not get ahead of ourselves! Cosmic Cove isn't surviving on looks alone, because it's a pretty fun galaxy to play as well! I think they hit a really nice balance here, where the underwater sections have a somewhat linear path to take, so it doesn't feel like you're wrestling with those Janky Water Controls, but if you decide to go off the beaten path, there's a good bit more to see than you'd expect, which is nice, given this is a very pretty galaxy and one I enjoy spending time to take in! Obviously there's less to do once you've frozen the water, but having a big open plain to skate around on is also pretty fun. And while we're talking about ice skating, the Hungry Luma star is probably the second best bunny chase in the Galaxy games.
And let's not forget the second main mission, either! The underwater sidescroller is really neat, especially when they start having blocks of water floating in space, and even moving on their own. I think this is another of those concepts they brought back in Super Mario 3D World, if I'm not mistaken! It's such a memorable part of the galaxy, that I sorta forget there's that planet with the Spin Drill and the Micro Mecha-Bowsers and the Fizzlits at the end, but that planet is fine too.
Cosmic Cove manages to do a seamless job blending aesthetics and gameplay to create one of the series' most memorable galaxies. And it introduces us to Snoodles and Fizzlits! Those are like, maybe two of my favorite enemies. Bonus points for that!
15. Space Junk Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: S
Can I be honest? Space Junk Galaxy is one of those galaxies that mostly made it this high for the vibes, above all else. Don't get me wrong, I like Space Junk Galaxy a lot. I think all the missions here are fun, if I was rating it on gameplay alone I'd probably still rank it highly. Space Junk on its own is a solid A-tier galaxy, but I think this is one of those galaxies where the atmosphere brings it up a tier higher for me.
While most of the galaxies in these games focus on the grandeur and excitement of exploring the cosmos, Space Junk Galaxy takes a more melancholic approach to the setting, the idea that outer space is mostly, well, space. Space Junk Galaxy isn't really focused on having big, exciting setpieces. Space Junk Galaxy is about everything inbetween, from lost spaceships, to small asteroids, to well... miscellaneous space junk. And I think it works in its favor!
I could make the same argument that I made against Gusty Garden Galaxy, that Space Junk Galaxy feels like it was cobbled together from miscellaneous bits and bobs of larger levels that were getting too big, but in this case, I think that's the point. To the extent that something trying to be a cohesive level design in a 3D platformer can at least, Space Junk does a really good job capturing that feeling of emptiness, in the best possible way. The first mission here, which largely consists of Mario floating through space via a trail of Pull Stars, may not be the most exciting mission, but it has such a specific atmosphere that I can't help but say it may very well be one of my favorites across both games.
Admittedly, this is the part of this review where I have to concede that Space Junk's biggest strength is probably also one of its biggest weaknesses, that a galaxy so focused on all the emptiness and in-betweens of space struggles to find enough content to fill out six missions. The second mission basically has none of the atmosphere, instead being a weird Airship mission with a boss fight at the end, and then the third mission has another boss fight, because what else are you gonna do here? Don't get me wrong, these are still fun missions, but I think they end up working against the general atmosphere and tone that this galaxy sets up in the first mission. I think this is one that would benefit from the sequel's smaller-scale galaxies, with two "main" missions, and a comet or secret star or something.
Still, this is a galaxy that is fun from start to finish, and when it goes for being atmospheric, it nails it. I mean, have you heard the music here? This has easily gotta be a top 5 song across both games for me, I love it so much. While I think having fewer, more focused missions could've benefited it a little, Space Junk Galaxy will always leave such an impression on me that I can't help but feel like it's one of the standouts from these games.
14. Cloudy Court Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
I've mentioned before how a few of the galaxies in Galaxy 2 feel like they're meant to be "sequels" to galaxies from the first game, and Cloudy Court is no exception, feeling like a bit of a follow-up to Gusty Garden Galaxy. I mean, you have the grand orchestral score, you have the "garden in the sky" theming, you have lots of segments where you're riding on wind currents, even the Japanese name, "Cloud Garden Galaxy" ends up harkening back to the first game's "Wind Garden Galaxy". I think there's a reason they showed this one off a lot in the game's earliest trailers.
That being said, while it does feel a bit like an attempt to capitalize on Gusty Garden's success, in many ways to me it also feels like a refinement of Gusty Garden, taking some of the concepts that worked there and expanding on them a bit to make something that, to me at least, feels more interesting and cohesive. In my review of Gusty Garden, I characterized it a bit as a galaxy largely carried by its music, that otherwise felt like it could've been thrown together from leftover assets from galaxies that had gotten too large. Cloudy Court manages to avoid that feeling pretty easily, it was pretty clearly built from the ground up, and given how much it changed from the initial trailer to the final release, it seems like one they spent a lot of time on trying to get just right.
And in that regard, I think they largely succeeded! Cloudy Court manages to hit on the familiar elements we love about Gusty Garden, but also manages to hold strong on its own, with a number of distinct and memorable segments. I don't know why the drum trampolines are here, but I'm not complaining, it's fun to have them! And the combination of the wind currents and the Cloud Flower makes for some very memorable platforming challenges. And some fun secrets, as well! Obviously as a Galaxy 2 entry it's gonna be a bit more linear by default, but even then they manage to hide a lot of 1-Ups here, adding a little extra reward for going off the course, which you know I always appreciate.
While a lot of "sequel" galaxies end up falling flat to me when they struggle to live up to what came before, Cloudy Court is one of the rare exceptions that not only lives up to its predecessor, but in my opinion, surpasses it. I feel like we think of Gusty Garden as a better galaxy than it truly is, but Cloudy Court simply is that good, which to me, makes it a contender for one of the series' very best.
13. Boo Moon Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
Man, it's hard to go wrong with ghosts. Nice for an appropriately spooky galaxy to end up at #13, huh? Maybe that was a little deliberate on my part, but it's not like I don't think Boo Moon Galaxy deserves it.
Boo Moon Galaxy is so, so stylish I think. I feel like Super Mario Galaxy 2 goes for a bit of a "storybook" aesthetic, so why not have a galaxy that leans into that a bit? Stuff like the dark maze at the beginning, poison swamp folding up at a 90 degree angle to match the snake blocks, the crescent-moon see-saw planet, and the haunted house pop-up book at the end are all such distinctive visuals with a bit of that Storybook Feel to me, and end up making for a galaxy that manages to provide a very fun twist on an already fun theme.
Not to mention that this is also a decently tricky galaxy! I gotta be grateful for those musical notes that spawn the three 1-Ups during the Snake Block section, because I've fallen into that poison swamp more than a couple times, especially when going for the secret star, and even more so when going for that one Green Star. The second mission, which I believe is the sole appearance of the Boo Mushroom in Galaxy 2, also involves some precise timing as you weave your way through Octoboos, particularly towards the end.
I'm a sucker for a good ghost galaxy, so this one was probably gonna get high marks no matter what, but with a stylish and distinctive aesthetic, that's enough to bring it up to a top-tier with a fittingly spooky number. Happy Halloween, everyone!
I mean, it's September. That's basically Halloween.
12. Tall Trunk Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
Really, shoutout to World 3 of Galaxy 2 just giving you a choice between two absolute bangers right off the bat. I think Tall Trunk ends up just barely winning out against Cloudy Court for me, but the two are really close in quality, and no matter which I'm in the mood for, I know I'm in for a great time.
Like Puzzle Plank, this is another galaxy that brings such a high level of unfiltered joy whenever I reach it in a playthrough. Maybe there's something about these big galaxies made of wood, I dunno. Probably also has something to do with the music. Yeah, I know this one just borrows the music from Yoshi Star Galaxy, but I always associate it with Tall Trunk first and foremost. Unlike Puzzle Plank however, I think Tall Trunk feels a bit more fully realized -- I never really feel underwhelmed playing through Tall Trunk, which let it climb a good bit higher on my tier list.
Tall Trunk is a galaxy not only with a great aesthetic, but two very fun and very distinct missions! The first mission is a showcase of the Blimp Fruit, and I love how it gets used in so many different ways, from climbing a tree, to searching for Star Chips around a cylindrical planet (Super Mario Galaxy 2 has a lot of those, huh?), to making your way through a long spiral to grab the Power Star. Then there's the slide, which weeeeeee wheeeeeeeeeee yippeeeeeeeeeee wahoooooo!
It's fun.
This galaxy also has to get bonus points for being the home of the Whittles, arguably the best Galaxy NPCs. Don't get me wrong, the Gearmos offer close competition, but the Whittles are just too adorable. Also, the Tall Trunk Galaxy is a sacred site to the Whittles, giving us one of few glimpses into Religion in the Mario Universe.
I think I have to agree with the Whittles when it comes to this galaxy: "Treetop. Good." Truer words have never been spoken.
11. Flipsville Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
Oh hey, I've talked about this one before! I mean, clearly I have to enjoy this one a good bit to give it its own post with some in-depth analysis, though I hate to say, I still have yet to figure out who's selectively breeding Pupdozers, why they'd be doing it, or if that has even happened at all. Sorry. I know you're disappointed in me. Maybe I'll have the answer next time I talk about Flipsville.
I did sort of go over my opinions in that post, though more of it was dedicated to talking about the galaxy itself, so I probably don't have to fear repeating myself too too much. To reiterate: I think this one is great! The gimmick of the grates that reverse the gravity of the galaxy is really really neat, and this galaxy uses it in some interesting ways, particularly during the autoscroller where you have to flip at the right time to avoid running Mario into spikes. (That being said, my favorite usage still gotta be that one Green Star that you can only reach by taking a leap of faith from underneath.)
Also shoutout to the Pupdozers as an enemy design that takes advantage of this gimmick! I'm pretty sure they're only in this galaxy, so I may as well talk about them here. I also have to shoutout this galaxy's distinctive aesthetic, "weird 1950s suburban house" is not really a level theme you see in video games often, and it gives this galaxy more than just a unique gameplay gimmick. I really dig it.
Speaking of digging, I do remain a little iffy on how the second mission shifts focus to the Spin Drill, I feel parts of it end up feeling pretty similar to the Spin-Dig Galaxy, but the gimmick of flipping between the two sides of the planets remains in tact, and the final room with the gravity walls that switch in time with the music where you have to use the drill to grab Silver Stars or Purple Coins is really cool, so I can't complain about it too much. I mean, it's not like it makes this galaxy any less fun, y'know?
Flipsville Galaxy will always stand out to me as one of the most distinctive galaxies in the sequel, both in its theming and in its gameplay, and for that I will always consider it a personal favorite!
10. Slimy Spring Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
Slimy Spring Galaxy is one of the most atmospheric galaxies... well, I was gonna say in Super Mario Galaxy 2, but it's really one of the most atmospheric galaxies in general. I'd say that as a whole, the first game typically wins out on atmosphere, but there's a few places where the sequel really shines, and more than any other, I think Slimy Spring showcases that.
Slimy Spring Galaxy is so, so very claustrophobic. You're given a green shell, and from there, it's a long, linear swim through a narrow underwater cave. Besides the very start, there's hardly any coins or air bubbles to refill your air meter, so you have to rely on what little air you do have to make your way to the end. And believe me when I say that these tunnels are designed to be just long enough to run you to the very end of your air meter. You only really get a brief breather in the middle, and with limited air, mistakes made in this galaxy can be especially punishing.
I love the way Slimy Spring Galaxy puts you in this distinct state of mind. Watching your air slowly run out while making your way through a dark, seemingly unending tunnel can be a bit nerve-wracking, but obviously the game's not gonna present you with a galaxy that's impossible to beat. You just have to trust that the game's gonna take you where you need to go, and try to avoid letting any obstacles this galaxy throws at you trip you up. Admittedly, I still see my fight-or-flight reflex kick in when I reach the Gringills.
Slimy Spring Galaxy is one I've really only grown to appreciate more and more with time. It's not really one of the game's most "fun" galaxies by any stretch of the imagination, but it doesn't really feel like it's trying to be -- the rest of the galaxies exist to be fun, so what does it matter if Slimy Spring Galaxy tries to do something else? Slimy Spring Galaxy is pretty much unrivaled in its atmosphere, and for that, it has easily become one of my favorites.
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I really love the sunset at the end of Slimy Spring. It sort of feels like the game saying that even in the most uncertain of times, everything's gonna turn out alright at the end. I feel like I'm being a bit wax poetic here, but I dunno. I think Slimy Spring Galaxy just does that to a person.
9. Honeyhive Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: S
So remember how earlier I said this was a top 10 Galaxy? Well how many of you guessed it'd show up at #9? Congratulations if you did! I'm sorry I don't have anything to award you, besides I guess my review of Honeyhive Galaxy, but even people who didn't guess correctly are getting that... Sorry.
Whatever. Honeyhive is great! I mean, you've seen me talk about it when talking about every other bee galaxy. This is the honey-gold standard all other bee galaxies strive for, and few can achieve...
What makes Honeyhive so great to me is its sense of scale. It arguably has the largest starting planet across both games, with lots of little nooks and crannies that all get utilized throughout its many missions. I get the feeling you wouldn't even need to add more to this galaxy to give it a full set of missions, but Honeyhive Galaxy is here to spoil us anyway, because it's Honeyhive Galaxy, and it's great. It does a very nice job making each mission feel familiar, yet distinctive, which I really appreciate.
I also think it does a really good job showing off the Bee Mushroom, with lots of high ground that becomes much more accessible with it, plenty of water to show off its main weakness, lots of flower and cloud platforms you can only access with it, and honey walls to climb up. Not only do you get to spend time among the bees, but you get to join them. Become one with the hive.
Oh, and have I mentioned that the main missions here are all super great too? The first mission is the big showcase for the Bee Mushroom I mentioned above, but the second has some fun platforming through a wooden obstacle course, and the boss fight against Big Bad Bugaboom is always a blast that makes some great usage of the Bee Mushroom. The Purple Coin and Luigi missions are sorta whatever to me, though I appreciate the Cosmic Mario race and the weird shortcuts you can take in it, I think it's nifty.
Really, I think the thing holding back Honeyhive from an even higher spot for me, and this is pretty unfair, is the fact that it's so early in the game, that the novelty of it all has kinda worn off for me. It's hard to get excited about Honeyhive when it's a place you have to go to early in the game, you know? But again, that's a small gripe that ultimately changes nothing about just how good this galaxy is. It's sweet as honey!
8. Deep Dark Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: S
Deep Dark Galaxy is one of those galaxies that always kinda surprises me when I play through the first game. It's one of those galaxies I never really think about all that often, and I'm rarely that excited when I get there, but then I play through it and go "wait a second, this one rules!"
I'm wondering if it's because it's in the Garden, where it has to deal with some serious competition. Being "that water galaxy with the dreary atmosphere in the way of Dreadnought and Melty Molten" isn't exactly the most flattering look, but at the very least it makes for a galaxy that always manages to surpass my expectations. Hopefully, putting this one at #8 will make me stop forgetting how good it is once and for all.
Still, I don't think counting the dreary atmosphere of this galaxy against it is really fair, because that's kinda what it's going for -- it's literally called "Dungeon Cave Galaxy" in Japanese. And you know what? For a Dungeon Cave, I love how silly they still let this Galaxy be! Stuff like the weird inflatable duplicate of the Gateway Planet, the weird floating circus platform, and that planet where you have to ground pound tennis balls into a watermelon to make it grow are such odd things to put in a galaxy like this, but I think they all end up working in its favor. The added surrealism makes this place so much more memorable.
And man oh man, I know I've talked a few times about how I love galaxies that let you goof off and do whatever, and I think no galaxy does that better than Deep Dark. I swear, in my latest playthrough of Galaxy, I spent more time in the spawn beach area than I did playing the rest of the mission. For an area that looks to have so little going on, there's lots of hidden goodies to look for, and shooting yourself out of the cannon at the Gateway and Octoguy planets is so, so fun.
While I'm sort of lukewarm on the mission where you swim through Guppy's eight rings, everything else in this galaxy I think is super fun, from the Kamella rematch on the pirate ship, to the aforementioned weird watermelon planet, to even the untimed Purple Coin mission! Usually those untimed exploration-based Purple Coin missions are never my cup of tea, but in this case, I think the combination of a smaller area to explore, better utilization of the underwater areas, and no places to fall off makes it feel a lot less grueling to me.
Deep Dark Galaxy is a great galaxy that always surpasses my expectations, and for that I think it deserves a spot in my top 10.
7. Freezeflame Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: S
Freezeflame Galaxy is so cool. And also so hot. That's kind of its whole gimmick. I feel like I made the same joke with Shiverburn Galaxy. Whatever. Freezeflame Galaxy's missions consist of an excellent ice level, a pretty good fire level, and a combination of the two, to make a galaxy that is as varied as it is fun. I will come forwards and say I like the Freeze part of this galaxy a bit more than the Flame part, but again, both are good.
I love the feeling of verticality you get from the ice sections. I love that upwards climb with all the varied obstacles and Ice Flower platforming, followed by a pretty fun boss fight against Baron Brrr. And then you can climb the other side of the mountain too, with its own varied obstacles and platforming challenges! Let's just say this one's good for my inner West Virginian mountaineer, okay? And then you have a Purple Coin mission that makes you climb both sides, which might be a bit much, but I'm glad they were being thorough.
But while the peak of the mountain may be the peak of the mountain here, it's not like the fire mission isn't doing any heavy lifting here, either. It's no Melty Molten, sure, but the Fire Flower gets used for some pretty fun timing puzzles, and I appreciate the use of the Galaxy games' gravity shenanigans halfway through. Really, most of my gripes with this section come from how the Fire Flower is handled in these games. The fact you need to spin to activate it, combined with how it stops you in your tracks when you throw a fireball just doesn't feel very good at all, especially when you throw in the timer. But that's not really this specific galaxy's fault, is it?
Gripes about the Fire Flower aside, I'm happy to say this galaxy's two great tastes taste great together as well! I'm a little bummed it takes until this galaxy's third mission to put the fire and ice together, but when they do, they use it very well, making for fun segments where you switch between the two, followed by a memorable segment where you use the Ice Flower to skate across lava. And on that note, I really enjoy the Cosmic Mario race here. Lots of places where I decide to take a risky shortcut, and it doesn't pay off and I fall in a Black Hole. Classic.
The Freeze and the Flame aren't perfectly balanced, from the levels to the Flowers featured within (no seriously. where was the Ice Flower in Galaxy 2), but both are very enjoyable, and the combination of both in one galaxy makes for a very memorable location. Not surprised at all they decided to revisit this idea in Galaxy 2.
6. Chompworks Galaxy
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Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: S
Look, I can spend all day talking about the gorgeous atmosphere of Cosmic Cove or Slimy Spring, or the exciting challenges of Grandmaster or Flip-Out, but when you ask me what my favorite galaxy in Super Mario Galaxy 2 is, I'll probably say it's Chompworks, because I'm only human, and I love Funny Chain Chomp Factory Galaxy. This is literally a place where Mario enemies are made! How can I resist?! There's Star Bits arranged like Chomps in the sky and everything!
I just love everything about Chompworks, from the music, to the theming, to the gameplay itself. It's one of those very unique galaxies that always stands out in my head, and if you know me, that can only be a good thing! I really appreciate the light timing puzzles they incorporate into this galaxy, the balance of needing so set everything up just right so the Chomps can reach their goal, but also not get too close because as you may realize: getting hit by a huge ball of steel rolling at you, even at slow speeds, hurts a lot.
I really like the active role this galaxy gives you in Chomp Production, how even when the Chomps start rolling, you'll need to make some adjustments to its path if you don't want it to crash early. Like, this galaxy has one of the rare inclusions of Flip-Swap panels outside of Flip-Swap Galaxy, just for the purpose of crafting a puzzle that can use them, and I appreciate that! If anything, I feel like there's room to elaborate on this mechanic even further, but I'm not gonna pretend that this galaxy isn't doing more than enough already. I think the Cosmic Clone comet is a fun enough shake-up, since you're gonna need to stay in one place a lot for some of the challenges.
You know, this factory doesn't seem very efficient. All their assembly lines are weird obstacle courses that need manual intervention, and most of the Chomps get destroyed at the end anyway. The Gearmos always chastise you for your poor efficiency, but maybe they wouldn't need Mario if they just built a more efficient factory. You see Gearmos? This is why you're only the second best Mario Galaxy NPC species. If nothing else, feel grateful your horribly-designed factory is a really, really well-designed Video Game Level.
Circling back to what I said about the Spring Mushroom earlier, same sentiment applies here. Not a great power-up on its own, but when I reach the mission that uses it here, I never see myself going "Ugh, the Spring Mushroom?", probably because the level is designed with it in mind, and the trickier control scheme is kinda the point. That being said, if you really don't want to use the Spring Mushroom, know that there's a fun optional challenge in trying to beat the level without it! As far as I'm aware, it's possible, and I know I've had my share of fun backflipping over Chomps in the past.
Is Chompworks Galaxy the best galaxy in Super Mario Galaxy 2? Maybe not, but since when has this list been about objective quality? I don't want to pretend I'm presenting anything other than my personal opinion here. Chompworks Galaxy appeals to my autism brain in some incredibly specific ways, and with a mix of that and its unique theming and design sensibilities, managed to end up at the top of Galaxy 2 for me. Sorry you couldn't make the top 5!
Speaking of the top five, I think they're all worthy of their own post, as I've hinted to a couple times at this point. It probably shouldn't be too hard to figure out which ones they are via process of elimination, though I do find it fascinating that after Galaxy 2 generally performed better, all the top 5 are from the first game. Again, Galaxy 2 is a remarkably consistent game that clusters around A-tier, while Galaxy 1 has some higher highs and lower lows.
The finale for this series should be ready next week, or the week after, or the week after that, or the week after that. I'm not really sure anymore. There's a Splatfest again next week, so I'll probably want to tune into that (Go Team Frye!) but I also have fewer galaxies to cover in general, so it might not take along as this one. Then again, I probably have more to say about my favorites... Either way, thank you for reading the series up to this point! Nothing matters more to me than knowing that people will listen to my ramblings about 10-to-15 year old Videos Games.
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try-set-me-on-fire · 3 months
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fire/743865538051227648/hm-amnesia-happily-married-buck-hes?source=share i can already picture this being such a bang the way you write them being in love i'm thinking of eddie unwavering support in the fic where buck sees people start to disappear when they are going to die and he starts to, so i'm already being like oh yeah this would be so so good. (now i'm will go off to read you most recent bang i need to finish some homework and i can finally start reading it i'm so excited)
(Post) Endless love in his heart for that man!! Was working on this a little last night, thought I’d share for tease tidbit tuesday/wip Wednesday
Buck lays down like someone unused to sharing a bed, all stiff and careful, cautiously contained to his side. It's another little heartbreak because Eddie knows this man in sleep, knows that only a few days ago he woke up and nearly fell out onto the hardwood with how much Buck had wrapped around him, inching them closer and closer to the edge of the mattress. Come here, Eddie wants to say. Be greedy for me. You can take all the space you want. If I fall, I fall.
“You need anything?” He asks instead. “I put your painkillers on your side table, did you grab your water?”
Buck looks behind him. “I assumed the one with all the frog stickers was mine.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says, sort of a laugh. “There was… last spring there were some frogs living in our yard. Actually, uh- toads. Western Toads are most common around here, you and Chris are pretty sure that’s what they were, but you got into amphibians generally for a while there.”
Buck nods, still looking at the bottle. A stormy blue YETI, Eddie had given it to him as a kind-of birthday, kind-of anniversary present, those two dates so close together as they are. He’ll be 35 this year, and they’ll have been together for three years. They’d been thinking of taking a trip somewhere to celebrate the milestones. Eddie tries to remember when in the year the hand sanitizer factory fire was. Before Buck’s birthday, he’s pretty sure. 29, waiting to be 30. They hadn’t done anything big when it came around because Jee-Yun had been born and Albert had his accident and Eddie had been shot.
“You're sure it's okay that I'm sleeping here?” Buck asks it up to the ceiling, quietly, body tensed like he’s expecting to be told to leave.
“Yeah, Buck.” Eddie's hand rests in the no man's land between them, and he wishes he could just reach out and touch and be sure of how that touch would be received. “It’s absolutely fine. Unless you don't want to-”
“No, that's the fucking thing, Eddie.” Buck rolls back over to face him, a helpless kind of frown weighing on his features. “I- you have no idea how much I want-” he cuts himself off, digging his palm into his eye, just breathing for a few long moments. “But I guess you do,” he sighs eventually, lowering his hand and blinking at Eddie across the pillow cases. “You know… all of this already so- so I guess I don’t have to- I can just tell you…”
“You can tell me anything,” Eddie promises.
Buck searches his face and then blinks, hard, like he’s steeling himself. “Eddie. I-I love you, so much, but I- right now- o-or, back then? I thought I was going to take that to the grave. But we’re…” he looks down at Eddie’s hand between them. His left hand, his ring shining in the warm light of their bedside lamp. “I don’t understand. I don’t know how we got here, I don’t know how- how you could be in love with me, e-enough to marry me? I still feel like- like you’re going to say just kidding any second now. You deserve- more, I- why me?”
“Buck.” It comes out as a whisper, not entirely intentionally. He moves his hand forward, enough to tangle his fingers in Buck’s shirtsleeves, he can’t help it. “I… You know I was in love with you back then, too?” Buck's eyes widen in surprise, and Eddie hangs on tighter. “I'm sorry I couldn't say it yet. I could barely even admit to myself. But… half the time- most of the time I was with Ana I just wanted to come home to you.”
“Ana?” Buck raises a questioning eyebrow.
Fuck, right, that hadn’t quite happened yet. “Uh- a very nice girl who’s time I wasted. What I mean is- You are loved. You have been, the whole time. By me now, by me then. I don’t deserve more, Buck, all I ever want is you.”
Tagging @eddiebabygirldiaz @lover-of-mine @shitouttabuck @jeeyuns @buckactuallys @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @chronicowboy if you have any wips to share this week!
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melanieph321 · 11 months
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Ruben Dias x Reader - I Need You To Need Me
I know what I said about posting more Man United fics, and I will 😅. Just know that every other post will be a Ruben Dias fic hahahah.
I have about a hundred Ruben fics in my mind and it only takes me thirty minutes to write them so....
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Summary - Pregnant reader can't sleep because of back pain, this leads to a eventful night for Ruben and Reader.
Enjoy!
"Baby, what's wrong?"
"My back. It hurts."
"Do you need me to bring you something,  a hot water jug?"
"No, I'll rather just stand."
"What do you mean?"
You threw your feet over the edge of the bed, sitting up.
"Baby why are you getting up?" He sounded worried.
"I just want to stand up and see if it we'll ease the pain."
It didn't. You brought a hand to your back as the pain shot through your spine. Ruben was right behind you, jumping out of bed to prevent your fall.
"Thanks." You sighed, your body leaning against his frame.
"Baby please just sit down. I'll go get you somthing for the pain, perhaps a..."
"It's okay, Ruben. I just want to stand for a minute."
"Just stand?" The light from the moon carved out the shape of his face and his frown.
You nodded. "Just stand. Right here. Is that okay?" You liked the sensation of the cold floor underneath your swollen feet. And the view you had of Manchester city out side of your bedroom window wasn't too bad either.
"Do you want me to stand here with you?" Ruben asked, still holding you steady.
"If you want to."
He sighed and wrapped his arms around your belly, pulling you towards him so that he could rest his chin on top of your head. You stood in silence, facing the window, enjoying the view of the night.
"Your hair smells good."
You giggled. "Thanks, it's the new shampoo I'm using."
"Can I use it too?"
"If you want to."
He shrugged your body a little, turning you over so that you could see his face. He didn't look happy.
"What?"
"I hate when you say that."
"Say what?"
"If you want to." He mocked your voice.
You chuckled, unsure as to what he was actually implying.
"The answer to my question should be either yes or no not, if you want to."
"Ruben?" You were unsure why he suddenly appeared so upset.
"Try me." He said. "Ask me a question, anything and I'll answer it the way you do. Then you'll see how it feels."
"Okay. Um...what time is it right now?"
"If you..." He paused mid sentence. "Wait. Not that kind of question."
"You said to ask you anything." You laughed. It was cute, his need to always prove a point.
"No, what I meant is, ask me a question where the question can be either yes or no."
"Hmm, alright." You turned your body entirely, your pregnant belly caressing his visible abs.
"Can I kiss you?"
He shrugged. "If you want to."
You weighed on your toes to reach his lips, smiling against them. You still held your arms wrapped around his neck when you dropped back onto your feet.
"Another question?"
He shrugged. "If you want to."
You chuckled. He wanted to play.
"Can you take me for a shopping spree tomorrow?"
He hesitated, but gave a slight shrugg. "If you want to."
"I think I like this game."
He sighed. "I have failed to prove my point."
"Which would be?"
"I don't like it when you don't need me, I need you to need me."
"Oh, Ruben." You cradled each side of his face with your hands. "I do need you. Why would you even say that?"
"Because when I ask you if you need me to do anything for you, you always say the same thing."
"If you want to." You nodded. Hearing the words leave your own mouth made you see how this could be a little upsetting to someone like Ruben, who so often wanted to feel useful to you during your pregnancy.
"I know that you need me." He muttered, his cheeks soft in the palm of your hands. "But I also know that you really don't need my help with anything, at all."
"Can I ask you another question." Your thumb stroked his bottom lip. His eyes were glowing in the night, his lashes flourishing like the wings of a butterfly. He was so handsome, your husband.
"If you want to."
His eyes searched your face, seeing as you were looking everywhere but into his eyes. Once your eyes met again, yours were foggy and longing for him.
"Can you make love to me Ruben?"
His eyebrows fluttered in slight suprise. "What?"
"Make love to me Ruben. " You stood with your bodies pressed together, you could feel him wanting you in that way too.
"Y/N." He said, voice low. And you knew just what was on his mind.
"It doesn't hurt anymore."
"Your back?"
You nodded. "Feel it."
You brought his hand, guiding it down your back, letting him feel the curve of you. But you did not stop there. You kept guiding his hand downwards, not stopping until it reached your lower hip, eventually cupping the swell of your ass.
Ruben brearhed against your ear, fighting his own sinful urges. However you could already feel his need for you, his erection growing towards you, putting pressure against your belly.
"Y/N, I don't..."
"Can you please make love to me Ruben, yes or no?"
He exhaled, defeated by your cleverness to use his own point against him.
"If you want me to." He muttered, voice low but sharp against your ear.
"I wan..."
You gasped as your feet left the ground. Both Ruben's hands went to cup your ass, lifting you up and pressing you back against the window. That's where he left you to sit, on the windowsill, with your legs spread before him.
You wore a loosely fitted nightgown that his fingers clawed up your hip, reveling your naked thighs. His hands then went to tilt your neck, the back of your head knocking against the window.
"Ask me again." He groaned, his eyes barley visible in the dark.
"Fuck me Ruben."
He smiled, "That's not what you asked"
"That's what I want."
He let one hand slip between your thighs, teasing your clit with the tip of his fingers.
"Ruben please, I'm begging you."
"Sshh." He sushed you with a stroke of his finger, the same finger that had just been between your thighs. "I don't want to make it too rough." He said. But he was already sort of grinding his hips against you, his bulge putting pressure where you wanted it the most.
"Ruben, plea..."
He shushed you again, this time by slapping his hand against your mouth. The begging, you know what it was doing to him. It was becoming hard to resist you.
"I said I don't want to make it rough, please don't fight me on this." His stare was intense, eyes glossy yet determined.
You nodded your head which made him trust you enough to remove his hand from you mouth.
"Make love to me then."
His hands went under your knees, scooping you up into his arms. You saw the glimpse in his eye and he winked. "If you want me to."
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sirfrogsworth · 6 months
Text
The Pretty Average Trump Trauma
I really picked the wrong week to have a controversial post go viral.
The appeal deadline for my disability case is very soon and we just recently got the last of the medical records. My lawyer can get very busy and hard to reach. And I have been freaking out trying to get a hold of him to make sure everything is ready to be submitted. Thankfully he just emailed and said everything is on track and will be sent in for the appeal.
But having this weighing on me behind the scenes while also dealing with the blowback from my "vote for Biden" post caused me to enter into some unhealthy arguments and lose my temper on several occasions.
I didn't actually think about what would happen if that post went viral. Sometimes I write things and a hundred people see it, and it serves as a catharsis because I was able to get my thoughts and fears out of my brain.
And sometimes it gets reblogged 6000 times and I can forget I have a platform where that happens from time to time.
I wish I had written a better initial post. I think my thoughts in subsequent posts, along with the inclusion of what I think is a better strategy, would have gone a long way to help people understand my point of view. Looking back, that original post feels incomplete.
The post that ended up going viral was not inspired by reason or logic and it was never really meant to convince anyone of anything.
I thought I was preaching to the choir.
It was a representation of my fears. It was the result of two years of panic and trauma from the pandemic which ended in my mother's horrible death.
Let me explain...
On November 9th, Shaun, a YouTuber I respect, posted this.
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And it scared the hell out of me.
A very popular leftist with a huge platform wrote this to 5 million people and I freaked out.
Shaun wasn't necessarily saying not to vote for Biden at the time. But he thinks people should all say they won't vote for him unless he calls for a ceasefire. I get the strategy. But I feared that nuance would be lost on many people and they would only see it as "don't vote for Biden... no matter what." Which was an accurate prediction on my part. The guy from Eve 6 has been going nuance-free for weeks now.
The one thing I greatly disagree with Shaun about is this...
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Before the pandemic, I might have understood his argument. For the first two years, Trump was mostly an ineffectual goof. He had trouble getting a lot of his worst ideas to manifest. Most of the border wall he built ended up being repairs of existing barriers. And Obama droned civilians and kept kids in cages too—though Trump kept them in cages indefinitely and made up a rule that we can't actually know how many civilians he was droning.
So, a lot of the same, but turned up to 11.
But nothing about the pandemic response was pretty average.
There is something I have been choosing not to say during all of these discussions. I felt like saying it would be poor timing. I was worried people wouldn't actually agree with me. I worried it would make people think I was turning suffering into a competition. I didn't want to make it look like I valued certain lives over others. But then people accused me of all of that anyway. I was called evil and a collaborator and a supporter of genocide.
So I'm going to talk about it. Because the fact that few have mentioned it in these discussions has been bothering me. And the fact that the majority of society does not mention it makes me feel very alone in this belief.
I have long believed Trump and the majority of US conservatives committed a genocide of the disabled and elderly. I was never really comfortable calling it that word. I wasn't really sure how a genocide got classified as such. So I would just say things like, "40% of people who died during COVID should still be alive" and "Trump is responsible for hundreds of thousands of COVID deaths" and "Trump killed my mom" and hoping people would make the connection or at least see it as mass murder. I mean, this country judges everything by how many "9/11s" something is, but not the pandemic?
Donald Trump was the leader of the Republican party. When he refused to wear a mask due to vanity, his followers looked for something to excuse him. And I feel that directly birthed the "masks don't work" movement among conservatives. Donald Trump, having enormous influence among his acolytes, refused to correct this dangerous rhetoric. And he probably welcomed the cover so he could continue going maskless and not smear his makeup—even after he nearly died.
It is my belief this was the beginning of a genocide of apathy, deliberate and accidental incompetence, and non-compliance. And the reason for that non-compliance was not freedom as many claimed.
Conservatives did not like being inconvenienced.
They didn't like having to consider others.
And if competence requires effort and vigilance, they'd prefer doing the bare minimum.
Trump was famous for not filling vital administrative positions in the executive branch. Not only that, his turnover rate was 5 times higher than previous administrations. People were asked to do the job of several people because they didn't staff properly, and so those people quit. Thus creating a cycle of inexperienced new-hires that were out of their depth and asked to do much more than they bargained for. There is no way they could succeed in their jobs.
I think people forget that part of the role of the executive is the day-to-day boring administrative shit that is required to run a country. And when this day-to-day work isn't valued, it creates a crisis of incompetence. Which then creates things like not enough tests, not enough testing, Trump saying "if you don't test, it doesn't count", botched vaccine rollouts, rampant misinformation, poor education of the populace, and abysmal improvised press conferences where the President does a quick riff on injecting bleach.
This competence aspect is one of the hugest reliefs I had with the Biden administration. Not Biden. Not his policies. I'm talking about the regular workers getting shit done. This is the reason I am desperate to get my shit worked out with Social Security before the election. I once called Social Security during the pandemic and I literally got a recording saying to try calling back the next month.
Trump didn't care. People criticized him for not hiring people. He was aware of the problem. He just did nothing about it. And many conservatives praised him for "trimming the fat" or whatever. This idea that all of these government workers were useless burdens on the taxpayer fell apart during the pandemic.
There is incompetence caused by ignorance but it can also be a deliberate act. Trump was extraordinary in all forms of incompetence. He wasn't qualified to manage a pandemic. But he could have easily appointed experts and then gotten out of the way. But his narcissism would not let him cede power to anyone. He has always been convinced "only Trump can save you" and so his ego helped kill nearly half a million people.
Once the incompetence ball got rolling, that's when malicious apathy reared its ugly head. It was time to choose who they cared least about dying—who they felt was most useless. Conservatives decided it was time to devalue lives and start making sacrifices to save politicians' money laundering fronts small businesses.
Popular conservatives were going on TV and saying it was okay if Grandma died. It would be a worthy sacrifice to protect our freedoms.
The Lt. Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, basically offered up the elderly for sacrifice all while claiming that he spoke for them and was also willing to die. Though I don't take his personal willingness very seriously, since he has the money and resources to get the best medical care and probably had no expectation he was in any danger.
“No one reached out to me and said, ‘As a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ But if they had? If that is the exchange, I’m all in. So my message is let’s get back to work. Those of us who are 70-plus, we’ll take care of ourselves.”
But you cannot just sacrifice the elderly. You may justify it by saying they have lived a long life, but many of the same health risks were shared by the disabled. Many of whom still had normal lifespans, but just needed extra care and protection.
There are countless elderly who cannot "take care of themselves" but they are still of value to our society. They are still loved. They watch and teach their grandchildren. They are the keepers of the family stories. They bake cookies and give you two dollar bills. They have random bowls of butterscotch all throughout their house.
But some need help. Some are sick. Some can't drive. Some can't walk. I guarantee not all of them were prepared to die for the cause.
And none deserved to die for a sports bar.
Oh, didn't I mention?
Dan Patrick owned a chain of sports bars that were losing money from the lockdowns. Did you really think he was sacrificing old folks "for the children"?
Thankfully Dan's sports bars are gonna be okay. He ended up receiving a $179,000 PPP loan... that was forgiven.
Then they started saying COVID deaths weren't COVID deaths.
"Well, they had a bad heart." "They were obese." "They had cancer."
They dropped the elderly excuse and began to openly devalue the disabled as well. If you were sick, what good were you? They considered us the next sacrifices for their convenience. If we wanted to survive, we shouldn't have gotten sick. It didn't matter that we could survive for years or even have a normal lifespan as long as we were protected by our communities.
And then began the non-compliance.
Trump's followers ignored masks and lockdowns and eventually vaccines. They were unwilling to protect the vulnerable and so many of us just... died.
Again, 40% of the US COVID deaths could have been prevented. Hundreds of thousands of people should still be here. Malicious apathy, incompetence, and non-compliance were the direct cause of this genocide.
The United Nations Genocide Convention identified 5 acts that typically constitute genocide. Only one act is required and in the pandemic 3 of the 5 acts happened.
Killing members of a group. Causing members of a group serious bodily harm. Imposing living conditions on that group that would destroy them.
I'm looking at that third one just now and realizing why we have advocates to remind us of vulnerable groups that need protection. I was thinking about how the elderly and disabled were trapped in hyper-contagious nursing homes and care facilities, but I completely forgot about prisons and the concentration camps at the borders.
I am not trying to diminish the awful things happening in Palestine right now. This is not a comparison of suffering—but a reminder. When a current terrible thing is happening, it can be hard to focus on anything else. But I do wish more people recognized what happened as a genocide and that the leader of that genocide, the one with the power to stop it, was Donald Trump. If we are going to base this voting decision entirely on acts of genocide, why is this not part of the consideration?
It is an awful moral calculus we have to figure out. One president is supporting and asking for funding for a genocide and I feel the other was the direct cause of another genocide. That's why I said both choices sucked. And the only way I could resolve this moral calculation was by asking what path would cause the least harm for everyone involved.
And the most disappointing aspect of all of these debates was the ableism. People told me if Trump was elected and I lost my benefits I should grow my own food and learn about medicine. They said I valued disabled lives above those in Gaza. They told me to imagine myself in Nazi Germany as a collaborator despite the fact I would have been euthanized.
But I felt like they weren't considering the disabled at all.
I am a disability advocate. So of course I am going to remind people to consider us in their voting decisions. But I'm tired of hearing I value lives differently just because I speak on behalf of a vulnerable group more often. I'm tired of continually having to justify my existence. And I'm tired of people dismissing the very real trauma caused by Trump.
It was not pretty average.
I'd like to tell you the full story of my mother's passing. All of the details. Even the ones I can't bear to type. But this isn't just my story. This is the story of countless others who had to watch their loved ones slowly die behind glass or over the phone or on an iPad.
I spent two years in constant anxiety trying to protect my two very sick parents. It was always assumed that my father was the most at risk. And that he was probably going to die long before my mother. But she had started a treatment for her psoriatic arthritis that turned the volume down on her immune system. Something that would normally not be a huge risk... but a pandemic changed that. A vaccine needs a functioning immune system to protect someone.
She could either accept the agony of stopping treatment or risk getting COVID. If people would have been willing to protect her, it would have been an easier choice. And she would still be around today. And I wouldn't have to worry about being homeless right now.
I don't know for sure when she was infected. I kept her inside as much as possible. But she needed those treatments and we had to pile into a crowded waiting room every time. And I remember a man in his fifties who seemed preoccupied with having to wear a mask. And when he thought no one was looking, he'd pull it down below his nose. A few days later she was being taken away in an ambulance.
A few weeks before my mother died, she called me on the phone. She was heavily medicated and they had two different breathing devices assisting her. The nurse was holding the phone up to her ear and she was trying to speak over the volume of the air rushing into her face from the masks. I could not hear her no matter how loud she yelled. So she asked the nurse to take the masks off for just a second so we could talk.
Her only concern was for my father. We all contracted COVID and she was so worried he would end up just like her. Thankfully the vaccine worked for him and he was okay at that moment. But she kept yelling, "Is Dad okay? Is Dad okay?" And I kept trying to tell her he was fine, but she was hard of hearing and the phone could not be held very close to her ear.
Unfortunately, the yelling made it harder and harder for her to breathe. She started gasping for air. The nurse kept insisting she put the breathing equipment back on, but my mom refused. "I want to talk to my son! I need to talk to my son!"
I knew there wasn't much we could do to communicate. And so I kept trying to yell "I love you, Mom. Everyone is fine. I love you!" I then asked the nurse to tell her that. And when she finally understood what I was saying, she burst into tears.
Her oxygen levels were getting dangerously low and she was fighting the nurse. And she just yelled out, "I'm so scared! I think I'm going to die! Tell Dad I'm sorry I can't take care of him! I don't want to die!" She kept repeating that over and over. The nurse had no choice and had to put the masks back on. My mom screamed and shouted "No! Please no! That's my son!"
And those were the last words I ever heard from my mother.
Gasping for air. Scared of dying. Worried about her family.
This moment has intrusively popped into my brain on a regular basis since it happened. It happens when I'm awake. It happens in my dreams. I have no control over it. I just have to keep experiencing it like it is happening for the first time.
After I saw that tweet from Shaun and then many others expressing the same thing (without the strategic aspect), my dread and trauma resurfaced with a vengeance. I've been reliving my mom's final words in my dreams. That moment keeps popping into my head. I feared the man I feel is most responsible for my mother's death may regain power and kill me and the last of the family I have left.
I keep asking myself the same questions over and over. What if there is another public health emergency? What happens to my trans friends if he turns the US into Florida and Texas? What will happen to the migrants at the border?
All I have is my two best friends. Katrina is gay and Delling is trans and disabled. All of us are vulnerable.
I wrote that post to help deal with the nightmares. Writing is part of my coping process. I didn't really expect it to go super viral. I just needed to get that out of my brain. But when people pushed back and started calling me evil and a collaborator and that I was valuing my life above those in Palestine, all with a huge heap of ableism, I found myself unable to let it go and not respond. I couldn't choose the healthy thing and step away.
While I feel I made some good arguments and put forth some solid ideas for other ways to handle this, I also got angry and lost my temper and stayed in arguments for way too long—all to my mental detriment.
My little world felt like it was collapsing and the world at large also felt like it was collapsing. I had personal horrors in my mind mixing with the horrors of this global conflict.
It was too much.
I don't regret what I posted. Many felt the same as I do. And I think my subsequent posts did a good job of expanding on my thoughts while also offering hope for alternate solutions.
But I do regret the timing and I wish I hadn't lost my temper. Especially in a reply I left with a lot of cussing.
People might disagree but I am hoping that people can understand the fear and trauma that influences my point of view.
I am actually willing to risk quite a lot to protect other people. Even people in faraway lands I don't know.
But I refuse to offer up the vulnerable to be sacrificed if it won't actually help anyone. That's what a Texas Lt. Governor would do.
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awalkonthelightside · 11 months
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The fact the you do not have a “minors DNI” or an “18/21+” on your account is sickening. I understand you are being an artist and trying to embrace the comfortability of showing all bodies can wear any clothing they’d like (which I DEEPLY support) but your pictures are explicit, nude, and frankly-pornographic. You should really consider putting that disclaimer on your account. No human under the legal consenting age should be exposed to this with no forewarning. You are crossing to boundary to being pedophilic.
I hope you take this into consideration because this is shameful.
I'm going to ignore some of the quite frankly ridiculous hyperbole in your ask, and just address your main points.
Firstly, most of my content is flagged as for a mature audience - I don't think it's actually necessary for the most part (which I'll touch on in a bit) but nevertheless I still flag it up. I have always attempted to comply with Tumblr's guidelines, and my pinned post says "With Tumblr’s rather ambiguous wording of their new terms I suspect most of my content is going to be described as “mature”, however I do firmly believe that nearly all my content is about as mature as what you might see in an art gallery."
Secondly at no point do I invite any sexual interaction with anyone - for the most part I don't really invite any sort of interaction with the captions. If my captions were suggestive or inviting some sort of sexual response you might have a point, but they're deliberately not, because this blog is not about that. I think this is borne out by the fact that for the most part the feedback I get isn't sexual.
Most importantly, I fundamentally disagree with my blog being self labelled as 18/21+. The themes I try to address with my pictures are those of body image online - the expectations that people have online regarding how they are to pose and present themselves. Young adults are just as vulnerable to those online pressures as those who are older. I curate what I post on here based on who might see it, even though with the "mature" labels they probably won't be able to (that said I'm fairly sure when I was a minor, seeing 18+ would have made me more likely rather than less likely to look at it) - I hope that all my content can be viewed through a non-sexual lens - clearly your subjective view of what is "pornographic" does not align with mine. Honestly, it would be much easier just to put 18+ in my bio - it would make no difference to me whatsoever - but I try to weigh up the positives of potentially helping someone struggling with some of the pressures against trying to satisfy some misguided outrage.
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be-dazzled · 5 months
Text
All Treats, No Tricks
Gray Fullbuster, Juvia Lockser October 31, 2023 Posted: Decemebr 26, 2023
Writer’s Corner: Months too late but I think the timing worked for me. The ending sounds and feels more wintery/christmas-y, isn't it? I don't feel like this one's good enough as compared to my Juvia Day entry so your honest feedback is very much welcomed. Help me improve!
All rights reserve to Hiro Mashima, original creator.
Masterlist
...
The cold season rolled in and seeped throughout the grounds of Magnolia. Its silent breeze knocked puny, tree branches against locked windows. It howled through the night, prowling the silent grounds of sleeping citizens. For those who made the mistake of forgetting to lock their windows, the October breeze pried into their room and wreaked havoc on all that it could carry. Easily targeted all that weighed close to none. Especially ripping off the pages on the wall calendar and revealing today’s date – October 31, Halloween.
After the fiasco that was the Fairy Tail Horror House of X791, that type of event was forever banned in the town of Magnolia. In its wake a new tradition was born where families were invited to decorate their homes to win lovely prizes, even encouraging them to hand out candies to children going around house to house, mage guilds included.
Rather than eerily quiet, Halloween in Fairy Tail was fun and lively.
The troublemakers – Natsu and Happy – had a good idea of wearing costumes to scare off the children who, in the words of Natsu the Demon King, “dared to enter my house of terror,” punctuating it with a high-pitched maniacal laugh that did not, at all, scare a living soul. But he was enjoying chasing after children who somehow believed Demon Kings existed and that they were ridiculously funny. Erza, wearing the shortest (skimpiest but no one dared to say it) witch costume, took up her sword and pretended to battle the Demon King. She was acting, she claimed but Lucy, the only writer in the room argued that it was an inaccurate depiction and didn’t make any sense plot-wise. Why would a witch have a sword when she had magic powers? But who would take a Leopard Girl seriously? Donned in a tight-fitting onesie that hugged her body like a second skin and accentuated all her dips and curves, Lucy the Sexy Leopard lost all credibility.
A certain ice-make mage, on the other hand, found it all juvenile. Yet, Gray was pursuing kids around the guild, the end of his tape costume riding the wind as he did. He wasn’t a scary mummy, he deduced, since instead of screams of terrors, the guild was filled with children’s ecstatic cheers and giggles. Well, half giggles and half scandalous because the end of Gray’s mummy tape got stuck on some pillar and pulled, making him a half-naked, pervert who happened to wear pants made of strip linen.
Erza smacked him on the back of the head.
So inappropriate.
But not as inappropriate as the thing that he was about to witness.
Juvia, Fairy Tail’s resident water-mage, wasn’t too comfortable with her assigned costume so she kept herself hidden backstage. She watched in the shadows as her comrades showed off their costumes, parading around the Fairy Tail building, welcoming their guests with booze (for the adults), colorful drinks (for the kids) and some imaginative snacks. She wondered how come the only thing that connected her decorated brassiere and the underwear that covered her nether region was just strings snaked around her torso. She asked Erza about it but the only answer she got was the mesh material on her head, some sort of see-through veil, its length reaching her waist but covered nothing. Plus, the heavy and expensive accessories around her neck, arms and wrists made the look less racy than it actually was. They lent her some air of distinct. She did a once-over in front of the mirror, twirling around to inspect herself and couldn’t help but think she might be missing a piece on her costume. Maybe a skirt to cover her lower body? Because she swore her bottom was hanging out.
Erza said the long veil on top of her head covered it enough and that she should stop worrying about it.
She really should worry about it.
Even if Mira and the already drunk Cana assured her that she would be the envy of the room and would surely get Gray the Half-Naked Mummy’s attention. The latter was enough encouragement though, which emboldened Juvia to come out of her hiding. That and finding her self-declared love rival enjoying her time with Mummy Gray, her beloved. She charged towards the two, about to bring hell to the Leopard Girl, when a soft breeze touched her exposed skin and Juvia had another think coming. But it was too late. She was out in the open now and everyone was hollering and whistling at her ensemble. As she watched her comrades strut around in their own Halloween costumes though – the moon princess Mira-chan; vampire Lisanna; Elfman and Evergreen in a couple’s costume ala Adam and Eve; the Thunder Legion Tribe in what appeared to be some sort of forest creatures (were they supposed to be Pokémon and was someone supposed to collect ‘em all?); and archery goddess Wendy – Juvia felt like she pulled the short end of the stick.
Because what the hell was she wearing?
It was a fucked-up gypsy dancer costume if you asked Gray. Beautiful, he’d go as far as saying it was nose-bleed-inducing, but definitely fucked-up. He wasn’t too happy about that.
Even Cana was modestly covered in her own fucked-up priestess costume.
People – ugly men, irritating old geezers, boys that weren’t Gray-sama – started coming up to Juvia with Macao and Wakaba in the lead. She made it obvious she wasn’t comfortable with their attention but the crowd had already gathered around her. She searched for the black spiky hair in it but found her precious Gray-sama still standing beside Leopard Girl. Summoning all her magic power, Juvia immediately fell into her fighting stance, about to tsunami all those perverts out of the way when her vision turned pitch-black.
“Eh?”
She extended her arm to feel for anything, anything at all, that could explain why she was instantly blinded, only to feel strong fingers grab her wrist and whiz her away from the complaining crowd.
“Eh!”
“I guess this is safe for now.”
She didn’t need her eyes to know who it was. Juvia could recognize that voice anywhere, even when it was broken by huffs.
“Gray-sama…”
“Oh, that’s right.”
He swiftly released his grip on her hand and Juvia pouted at the loss of contact. A sudden chill replaced the warmth that encircled her wrist. She didn’t like it.
“Sorry about that.”
“No!” Juvia cleared up, in case he might take it the wrong way, “Gray-sama shouldn’t apologize.”
The water mage wasn’t sure where they went or how far they had come from the guild. But wherever Gray was, she was always safe with him.
“You saved Juvia from the commotion.”
A commotion caused by her inappropriate appearance, Gray ought to say but decided not to. Instead, he said a terse ‘It was nothing’.
Her ears might have deceived her but Juvia could place a grin on his voice. She could imagine that small curve of his lips, wanting to see it with her own eyes but something was still blocking her view. Something soft and rather silky, heavy on her crown too. It covered her from head to toe. She clutched the unidentified veil in her fist and realized it was the same fabric as the covering of the long table back at the guild. Juvia tried to pull on the cloth, trying to get rid of the covering when Gray started speaking again.
“…something like that.”
The covering muffled Gray’s words. As she was trying desperately to uncover herself, Juvia only caught the tail end of what he was saying. She stopped for a moment, tipped her head to the side, deciding whether to ask him to repeat what he said, which would give Gray the impression that she wasn’t listening to him, or just pretend as if she heard him.
Sensing her confusion despite the wall of fabric between them, Gray repeated his words, this time a bit louder and very much clearer than earlier.
“Don’t wear something like that.”
It took her a moment to realize but Juvia caught on to what the ice-make mage meant. It was her scant costume. Remembering how some cloth and some strings strategically covered those areas, Juvia internally agreed with Gray. She shouldn’t be wearing something like that again, nodding her head furiously that she might just break her own neck.
“In public.”
He added before clearing his throat and inviting Juvia to walk around the neighborhood, not giving her an opening to say anything back about his last comment. Juvia had the tendency to twist his words, or rather, which was always the case, point out what exactly he wanted to say but couldn’t.
Don’t wear something like that in public.
He meant only to wear it for him in private, right?
Gray started toward the direction of the crowd, where most people were scattered in small groups. He was saying something Juvia was not able to hear through that thick white covering hanging over her. She followed where she assumed Gray was headed, straining her ears to listen to his footsteps whilst she blindly soldiered on through the veil-made darkness. The water mage was starting to get frustrated with the covering she’d been trying to get out of since earlier. Despite her efforts, she couldn’t find the beginning or end of that long, thick fabric weighing down on her with a smooth but consistent fall, much like her magic – a curtain of water.
Ironic.
And why was Gray not helping her at all? It wasn’t like he was busy keeping quiet since he had all the time in the world to run his mouth about god knows what. His talking was like a soft buzz in Juvia’s ears – a distant noise that didn’t make sense.
Despite the cold breeze and the fact that she was practically naked inside, her body was starting to feel hot. A sheen of perspiration started to form over her skin. The heavy covering not only successfully blocked her view but also any air in and out of her fabric jail.
“G-Gray-sama…” She called out but the thick veil separating them blacked the words out, “…help Juvia~”
Gray hadn’t paid her any attention (deliberately ignoring her or unintentionally forgetting, Juvia wasn’t sure) until the poor water mage kicked on an uneven terrain and tripped. She braced herself for impact, throwing her hands in front of her as she was about to fall on the pavement, face-first. But the impact never came. Instead, Juvia’s body was pressed against something hard. Not as hard as she remembered pavement should be though. Curiosity spurred Juvia to explore this not-a-pavement surface, flattening her palms on what turned out to be Gray’s firm pecs, the slightest bump giving her the idea that she might just be… touching on Gray’s...
She rubbed them just to make sure.
“Uhn… Ju-Juvia…”
And kneaded for better measure.
“T-that’s… he-hey…”
She was definitely right.
Gods do exist!
Juvia could hear the strain in his voice. And something else. Something she wasn’t familiar with. But worry bumped curiosity off first place. Gray sounded like he might be in pain and the idea horrified Juvia that she might be the reason for it. He did break her fall and she was comfortably using her as a human cushion. So, she slid her open palms lower, eliciting more low and strange noises from the man beneath her. She ignored the noise in favor of resting her hands over what she assumed was Gray’s abdomen, intent on pushing herself off him to free her poor savior from his distress. She was a little bit sorry that she had to use his body to do so. Which, unbeknownst to Juvia, was stirring something in Gray that should not be stirred. Not when they were in public like this.
Oh, if Juvia could see the ice-make mage’s reaction now – gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw.
She successfully leaned away, readying to pull her knees so she could prop herself up and fully get off of poor Gray when a cold breeze whizzed past them, magically finding the end of the frustrating veil and blew the hem of the fabric covering her body. Gray was a hero the second time when he slapped that cloth back to its rightful place. Saving the water mage from the embarrassment of public indecent exposure.
“Eeep!”
But bumping her to another level of embarrassment.
Gray only realized where his hands were touching when Juvia’s body wiggled and twisted above him. The force of his ‘heroic act’ slammed Juvia flatly on top of him again.
“G-Gray-sama felt Ju-Ju-Juvia’s bottom!”
She muttered, fidgeting at the heat that spread over both cheeks, either because Gray’s hands were still cupping her ass or the mere force of his slap, or both.
“So, G-Gray-sama was into this kind of… s-s-stuff?” She whispered to herself.
But that wasn’t a whisper. It was more of a loud musing because that one Gray heard through the fabric barrier between them.
“No!” He strongly denied it. “That’s… I’m not… hey!”
For a good minute, they were a tangled mess – him trying to, but very much cautiously, push her off of him, slipping on the fabric when he tried to stand up with Juvia still on top of him, and her trying to pull herself away from him, which proved to be a struggle since Gray just couldn’t stay still. It didn’t help that the thick cloth separating them from each other was too silky and slippery to the touch.
Gray could only cry how that freaking veil was the devil. The devil! And he quickly regretted whisking the long mantle off the table to cover Juvia with, until they finally detached themselves from each other. Both were breathless from the endeavor.
Passersby threw them ugly looks, which made Gray realize that covering Juvia with the table mantle was not one of his brightest ideas. He tried to rearrange the cloth, so that Juvia was still fully covered (her fucked-up costume hidden), but made it so that her head was popping out of the makeshift ghost costume so at least she could see where they were going and avoid another mishap. The water mage, thank goodness, stood still and quiet, as Gray secured the long textile around her neck with a knot made of his mummy tape. He smirked at his creation, proud of his quick thinking. Then broke into cackles he tried to suppress but couldn’t, scrutinizing her attire – a Juvia floating head. Now, that’s a true Halloween costume.
“Gray-sama shouldn’t be laughing at Juvia.” She bemoaned. “Not when he’s looking like that.”
Gray followed her eyes down his lower body to realize he was stripped down to his G x J boxers, using up what remained of his mummy tape costume on Juvia.
“Whoa!”
It was Juvia’s turn to laugh at him. But Gray took no offense to it and joined in, the both of them laughing together and at each other in their poor state. They were so stuck in their own world that Gray belatedly noticed the scandalized glare thrown at both of them – mostly on him – especially by children who were often told to wear something in public.
Gray scooped Juvia off the ground (which was totally unnecessary by everyone’s account) and whisked the water mage, a second time, away from the crime scene.
Young couples are too bold nowadays.
It’s probably because of the full moon.
...
Gray hid them at some back alley. He surreptitiously peeked through the corner, with an unusually quiet water mage still carried in both arms. Only after making sure no one was following after them, not the police or an angry mob, that Gray could finally puff a relief. He settled Juvia on the ground as gently as he could. And wondered why she was running out of breath when Gray did all the running.
“Are you alright, Juvia?”
“Y-y-yes.”
She stuttered. Round blue eyes were spinning like wheels on the run.
“Erm… are you sure?”
She sure didn’t look okay.
Gray was so accustomed to Juvia that he could read her like a book. Every word and every sentence he could easily interpret. And this reaction from her was probably caused by him bolting her away. He should have thought of his actions thoroughly because who knows what Juvia’s creative imagination must have conjured of him holding her in a bridal carry.
Gray and Juvia’s wedding? Them on their honeymoon, crossing the threshold into their master bedroom? Probably, both.
He settled a hand on her shoulders. The thick eyebrows on his forehead were knitted – quite bothered by the possibility that she could still slip into her imaginary land when she had the real thing right in front of her now. Unlike before, Gray had become more receptive to her feelings. And unlike before, he made conscious actions to show that he returned those very feelings. Had he not made it clear to her?
“Juvia…”
His coaxing willed Juvia back to reality, to where she and Gray were in a back alley hiding.
“Juvia is okay, Gray-sama.”
Her blue eyes returned to normal and Gray could slip a sigh of relief. Without a need to worry now, Gray retrieved his hand and suggested they come back to the guild when Juvia’s made-shift cloak started to come undone. Her Halloween costume – the brassiere connected with some barely-there knots – peeked through the opening and threatened to reveal itself in its full glory. Which was bad for Gray for the following reasons: a) Juvia was still half-lying on the ground; b) they were in some dark, back-alley; and c) they were alone in that dark alley.
And d) he was still just wearing his boxers.
“Ju-Juvia!”
But it was Gray’s fingers that yanked the edges of the loosening drape and clasped them together against her chest. Another bad idea of Gray’s now that his fists were pressed down against her breasts. Soft and quite big. Not that it surprised him. He was very much familiar with how Juvia’s breasts felt to the touch. Not that he openly touched them either. Opportunities just happened to present themselves to him. Oh how tortured and conflicted he was. That stirring inside his stomach earlier was rapidly brewing into something that shouldn’t be brewing.
“Uhn…”
What a cute voice!
Damn, it was like the universe was trying to tell him something.
Gray yanked his evil hands and put them back to his side. Away from Juvia’s soft mounds.
“S-s-sorry.”
But that lecherous costume was taunting him again, the deep valley of her breasts peering through the slightest opening. He ordered himself to look away but his sinful eyes did not stray even just a little. So, he chose to just fight the rising heat that burned his cheeks. If she asked, he could blame that one on the weather.
Gray cleared his throat. Thinking that by doing so, Juvia might not notice him ogling. He reached out his hands and started to tighten the mummy tape again around her neck. There was a crisp silence between them, which Gray appreciated. Juvia’s focused gaze at his hands was reason enough for him to struggle to steady his fingers as he looped the tape. But in the end, he was able to fix it.
“All done.”
She thanked him with a lovely smile – the kind that always followed him in his dreams. The warm smile that kept him company when he was alone. The low howl of the October breeze made him aware that they were in a dark alley where people scarcely passed through. It had a wicked way of conjuring today’s moments that the courteous Gray would rather tuck safely into the back of his memory – when Juvia stepped out of hiding in her inappropriate costume; when he unintentionally spanked and cupped her butt-cheeks; when Juvia rubbed her palms over his breasts; and when he fastened the ends of the cloth and accidentally pressed on her soft mounds. These memories he’d rather bury in the depths of his consciousness and only unearth them when he was alone.
Right now, he wasn’t alone. He was with Juvia, the star of those evoking memories, in a place where there was little to no chance of anyone walking in on them if Gray allowed some of his dreams to come alive. Clandestine. He stopped that thought and suggested they walk back to the guild. He needed the exercise.
Juvia pointed out to him his current state and Gray miraculously found some cloak flapping with the wind, hanging outside somebody’s window. It was black, a total contrast to Juvia’s white ones. He figured no one was going to miss that drabby old cloak.
As they took the route to the guild, Gray considered walking Juvia to Fairy Hills instead. But remembered he was barred from showing even just his shadow there. His ban has yet to run its course so the guild – the very place they left earlier – was the sensible place to go, especially since he and Juvia were just wearing make-shift coverings that could unravel anytime. They had to avoid crowds.
Gray was deep in thought when a flash of blue caught his eyes. He snapped his head in its direction, eyes widening in awe at what his vision revealed.
“Look Juvia!” He pointed the all-smiling, happily distracted Juvia to a decorated house where three or four children were walking up to its stoop. “It’s you.”
Juvia followed the direction of Gray’s pointing and scanned the surroundings for anything that resembled herself or whatever it was that reminded her beloved of the water-mage. Surely, it must not have been the waving tube decoration, flapping around something that, when you squint your eyes at the right angle, resembled arms. Or the scary-looking life-sized doll made of blue hay, wearing what appeared to be a blow-up replica of Juvia’s hat. That must not be how he saw Juvia, right?
Without receiving an answer to these questions, Juvia was suddenly yanked against Gray’s side. One arm hung over her shoulder; the weight pulled them both down to a crouch like they were hiding. Their cheeks were close, sharing a border, but not touching, not yet at least. They were just close enough for Juvia to feel his breath on her now-flushed cheek when he covertly spoke to her.
“That one. She looks exactly like you.”
Juvia caught herself gawking at him, at Gray’s face which was fully and resolutely turned to the direction where he was pointing her to. She felt slightly guilty about that because one, that wasn’t even the first physical touch they’d shared just counting the ones they had tonight (not the most daring one either); and two, Gray was heartily showing her something. So, Juvia summoned her focus and followed his direction – towards the girl who was giddily jumping at receiving tons of candies into her basket, the kid version of Phantom Lord Juvia. She was donned in Juvia’s blue winter coat, a teru-teru bozu hanging by the clasp of her collar, and a cute Juvia hat merchandise sitting neatly atop her little head.
Juvia felt a pang in her heart. It was her in the rolled hairstyle the water mage got rid of to forget about that version of her. As the little girl skipped down back to the main road, Juvia felt sorry for the little girl. No child should model after her. Back then, she wasn’t her best self. She was strong yet lonely. Isolated by her own rain. Physically attractive yet gloomy that warmth and fun were foreign concepts to her. A smile, a true warm smile, had never even touched her lips. Simply, ugly. If she could only keep that image to herself and tuck it away where no one else could find it, she would have done so.
The Juvia of the present, the Juvia after joining Fairy Tail, after finally being accepted and loved for who she was and who she was not, was unquestionably the best version of herself yet.
But that twinge was pushed away by the slight curve of Gray’s lips. Warm. Affectionate. Proud. He was still looking at that little girl, at kid Phantom Lord Juvia, with eyes full of interest. Never left her figure as she turned around and hollered at the other two girls on the walkway. Her other two friends looked like shrunken versions of other Fairy Tail members, slowed down by their argument about who collected more candies between them.
“There’s Erza and Mira-chan too.” Gray chuckled. “Brings me back.”
Juvia forgot all about her own thinking, dumbfounded by the look on Gray’s face. Even when the curve on his lips was subtle it was also telling. Because Gray could picture so clearly how the actual Erza and Mira-chan, when they were at the same age as those kids, would squabble over the smallest and silliest things. Much like the kids rounding up their group of three with Juvia-chan. His mind flew to that rare moment when all the kids in the guild were huddled up together in an unusually peaceful group waiting out the night. Simply remembering pulled the corners of his mouth into a small smile – not wistful, not longing, just… content.
Before he even thought of it, Gray was already starting on his feet, with Juvia following closely behind and then, naturally, fell beside him. Stepping into the same stride, the same pace as his. Juvia had caught up to him again, naturally. It had been like that between them for years now. Words have become so moot and inadequate. It was as if they were operating on feelings alone. Like it was the only way they could clearly and completely convey their inner thoughts. And so, with no invitation required, Gray and Juvia explored the neighborhood, feasting their eyes at the sight of scattered children in all sorts, shapes and colors of costumes.
The children walked up to houses. Their eyes shone at the treats dropped inside their baskets. Some ran out screaming in terror, receiving childish and mean scares instead of sweet treats. Others gleefully skipped along the side of the road while peeking inside each other’s loots. The two Fairy Tail mages, however, glowed in pride at the insinuation that the kids put Fairy Tail in such high regard to dress up like them, as members of the strongest guild in the whole of Fiore.
Wasn’t it that imitation was the highest form of flattery?
Out of nowhere, Gray and Juvia started a contest of whoever could spot and recognize Fairy Tail look-alikes more. They discreetly point the children to each other – finding a little Lucy with a mermaid Aquarius who can walk on foot in this version, or the entire Lightning God Tribe whose version of Laxus put on some balloons in place of the original’s muscles.
They spotted another Juvia, this one much younger than the first one they saw earlier, around five or six years old maybe, donning polka-dotted leggings. She had a long-haired older boy in her tail, who she addressed as onii-san, carrying her basket for her. It was quite a picture for Gray, the little girl scolding the older kid, who both Gray and Juvia agreed resembled an Iron Dragon Slayer. At least, even in make-belief, Gray got to see Gajeel being ordered around.
They strolled deeper into the neighborhood and found out that the wizard costumes were not limited to Fairy Tail mages. Gray even flinched at a spitting image of a young but much more handsome (in Gray’s biased opinion) Lyon Vastia. But Juvia noted his mood became even livelier when they met the Lyon impersonator, despite Gray-sama’s act and words of displeasure. At that, Juvia hid a chuckle behind her hand, which Gray noticed.
They hadn't walked that far from where they met and were greeted by a polite version of the fire dragon slayer, when Juvia noticed Gray’s mood turn sullen, even if he tried to hide it with a small but dry grin. She ha dan inkling why. They must have seen ten or twenty versions of Natsu but not a single one of the ice-make mage.
Even Juvia wasn’t happy about that.
“Gray-sama…”
“You want to go back?” He jumped in, not liking the way she looked and sounded worried.
Gray already knew what she was about to say. But it seemed he’d rather not talk about it. Respecting his feelings, the water-mage simply returned his smile, hers understanding and much more genuine than his forced one.
“If Gray-sama prefers.”
“Alright then.”
They turned around, about to take the path back to where they started when something round and hard hit Gray right at the stomach.
“Sorry, Oji-san!”
A small boy bumped into him with a force enough to sway Gray but not to make him lose his balance. He first checked that his basket of candies was intact before the little boy with messy black hair beamed up at him, his smile was pulled so wide that his eyes were almost shut. Cheeks all puffed and flushed and chubby and cute.
He probably got away with anything armed with that smile.
“Greige?!”
But like the other kids his age, the boy quickly abandoned the stranger he bumped into and caught up with his friends.
“Wait for me!”
Gray quickly spun around. A seed of hope sprouted within him, urging his feet to move. He wanted to follow the kid and confirm his suspicion but his own logic stopped him, rooting him in his spot. That would have been impossible. How would Greige cross over Earthland? That boy might have been wearing a zipped-up coat with fluffy collar, the same one Gray remembered Greige of Edolas was wearing, but how could he cross over to their world? Impossible.
Hope had sprouted into longing.
“Greige?”
Juvia’s confusion and Gray’s sudden realization that Juvia was still completely unaware of their child’s existence in another world, pulled him out of his reverie.
“Um… I said ‘engage’.” He quickly lied, feeling warmth rise to his cheeks despite the cold October breeze blowing at them. “I thought he was an enemy or somethin’.” Yet even to him, he wasn’t that convincing.
But how was he supposed to tell Juvia he saw a kid who could pass as a doppelganger of the son they would have in the future but who was already existing as the child of Gray Surge and Juvia, a version of them who were already married and lived and breathed in Edolas?
If Juvia knew about their Edolas counterparts, she would sulk all week and demand that they too get married and make a baby. They weren’t at that point in their relationship yet. They haven’t even kissed! Through no fault of Juvia, of course. Even though she had given her consent to it in no limited terms, Gray just didn’t… he just wasn’t… confident enough.
“Let’s go back, Juvia.”
“Oh, okay.”
He wounded a firm arm around Juvia’s shoulder and secured her at his side to stop the water-mage from looking back at the boy who reminded Gray of his future son. He chanced a last glance at him though and decided his hair was too spiky and a shade lighter than the boy in his memory. He was too tall and too animated to be his prim and proper little Greige.
His mind was probably playing tricks on him.
“Greige.” Juvia tested the name on her tongue. She liked the sound of it, she told Gray, making the man sweat a little.
“H-h-hey Juvia, I told you that’s not what I said.”
“He looked a little bit like Gray-sama, didn’t he?”
Gray couldn’t seem to understand, or rather that he couldn’t believe how Juvia’s soft eyes, that loving gaze that seemed to be only directed at him, had always been a source of comfort. He couldn’t at all wrap his head around the phenomenon of her smile shining so bright to the point that it was blinding, yet he was incapable of looking away.
“You think so?”
She just made a sound, a cute little hmm, eyes now glistening with that gentle mix of pride and joy. Gray couldn’t even fathom how Juvia could grow even more beautiful each day.
Gray glanced back at the boy reuniting with his friends, looking for his own qualities in him. Maybe his dark, unruly hair could be attributed to the ice-mage but the little boy was wrapped in a winter coat, and Gray was known for unwrapping himself from any clothing.
No harm in imaging it though, that maybe the little stranger was copying Gray.
He wasn’t.
Gray wasn’t imagining it when the boy with unruly hair pulled his elbows back to form some sort of hand stance. He definitely did not need to humor himself when he heard the kid say “ice-make…” and pretended like magic power was coming out of his open palms and attacked his friends.
Maybe if Gray got over himself…
“Juvia… are you cold?”
“Hmm?”
And step out of that darkness that was holding him back.
“My place…”
Then maybe…
“… is nearby.”
He didn’t need to imagine anything anymore.
“Yes, Gray-sama.”
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copperbadge · 1 year
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Hi Sam, how did you come to the conclusion you should be tested for neurodivergence? I've been reading a lot of Temple Grandin (Visual Thinking is fantastic) and see so much of myself in her books. But, I, too, am, let's just say well into adulthood, and I don't know if my life would change that much with a diagnosis. The only thing I can think of doing with a diagnosis is telling my siblings and childhood bullies that they picked on someone who had a reason for being "weird." But it doesn't change anything. Beyond the medication, did you find any solace? Thank you for sharing your journey.
I was just thinking I should do a post about this....
I don't recall the specifics and have never been able to find the post again, but sometime prior to 2019 I made a joke about having a short attention span, and someone said something like "Oh, did you finally get a diagnosis?" and I said haha no, I don't have ADHD, and a bunch of readers went, "Uh, you very clearly do." Some of them added that they thought I knew and was just being discreet about it. (As if I have ever been discreet about anything in my life.)
So I figured, okay, probably there's some level of neurodivergence there, given that my mother and siblings all have various diagnoses, and my father was clearly autistic. (Knowing what we know now about how ADHD can mask as other mental illnesses, there's a strong chance this comes from my maternal grandmother, who was the person in the family I was most like when she was alive.) I tried a couple of times to get evaluated and always had either slow or nonexistent responses from the clinics I reached out to, so I stopped trying. I had a ton of coping mechanisms in place and was in a good spot in my life, so I thought honestly, what would it change?
But by the end of 2021, while I was still in a pretty good financial place, and my career was doing well, I could tell that if things kept up as they were I was going to tank my job purely through being unable to get through a day doing productive work the way I used to.
I thought, well, if this is ADHD and it's getting worse because the whole fucking world is on fire, I have two options: I can assume I have it and just do the reading and figure shit out on my own, or I can get evaluated, get professional advice, and possibly get medicated. That seemed like the best return on investment, so that's what I worked on. My goal was primarily medication, because I didn't see myself being able to change much else about my situation on my own. And, truthfully, medication has been the biggest change -- I actually have an essay about that queued for the anniversary of my starting Adderall. But while it hasn't been a massive life-altering world-shattering change, all of this was worth it purely for the medication.
Uh, momentary sidebar in my memoir: there are downsides to having a diagnosed disability -- discrimination, legal barriers to certain things like holding government jobs or adopting, etc. Those have to be weighed when you're considering evaluation. If you think you may have autism, there's not necessarily an advantage to having a formal diagnosis unless you need accommodations; if you think you may have ADHD, the huge advantage is access to medication, which doesn't exist for autism as far as I'm aware. So your particular flavor of neurodivergence might dictate whether you get a diagnosis, or whether you just start operating on the assumption you have it. Both are valid, I think, it really depends on what's going on in your life and what you want to change.
Anyway, I have been doing other research, reading journal articles and pop psychology and talking to people, and that's been good, but even if I had none of that, the medication has been so helpful in getting me back on an even keel and then making life even better.
This sounds kind of weird to say but I'm not generally someone who needs a lot of solace. There is some relief in knowing that at least some of my fuckups in life weren't something I could have prevented by simply having more strength of character or working harder, and that's nice, but it's something I could have had without a formal diagnosis -- just like you could simply tell your siblings and bullies you have a diagnosis. (Being real, I doubt they'd care; bullies gonna bully whether you had a reason to be weird or not, and none of that would have been your fault regardless of your neurology. But it's all very situational, as I'm sure you know.) I wasn't badly bullied as a kid and there's nobody really to...tell, in the sense you're thinking of. But I didn't get into it for emotional solace; I got into it to fix a life that was, albeit extremely slowly, starting to fall apart. So if you're someone, as most people are, who derives emotional satisfaction or catharsis from having the diagnosis, I think it probably would be pretty helpful. But even if you aren't, like me, if you can get medication or accomodations, I think it's worth it.
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