#i have a lot of big resolutions this year that i aim to follow as much as possible 💕

[truethes]

nothing more of a rp experience than trying to find muse all day and coming up with nothing until the moment you hit bed and suddenly it wishes to cooperate with you.

#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜. #WORK DAY MEANS AN EARLY START THOUGH SO I CANT EVEN GRAB THE PC IM SO ... #still on o/s things but im doing so well and working on being more gentle with myself #its been working well a lot recently and that makes me so 🥹 #this week im going to start being more interactive too. the first week of jan i took some time to myself because its all been abt adjusting. #i have a lot of big resolutions this year that i aim to follow as much as possible 💕 #either way i hope youre all having a good time and looking after yourselves #everyone remember to take care now!

[princetofbone]

Goals/Resolutions

I have. Opinions. On goals and resolutions and all those fun things. One of the greatest things in life for me is completing a goal. That said, following through with the things you promise yourself is incredibly difficult- especially if you go for big goals (which is a-okay you just gotta prep right)

Note on resolutions: Please PLEASE start doing the thing a month or two before the new year. I know it sounds dumb because it's a NEW YEAR resolution, not a November resolution, but getting into the habit of (for example) going to the gym 3x per week in November, and having slip ups in November, means that when January rolls around, it isn't new and scary, and it's way less likely that you will stop doing the goal in a week.

Note for all goals: don't aim too high- like in the previous example, I said gym 3x per week. I know so many people who decided they wanted to go to the gym every day, and then missed one day, and gave up because their streak wasn't perfect. Depending on the importance to you, I might even pick a goal way lower than what you think you can do- just so you can give yourself grace if you have an off day, or if you get sick.

Onto my method!

I'm a visual person, and I also happen to enjoy decorating paper, so I make goal sheets. I typically have three at any point in time.

My quarterly goals. I'm still in high school, so I make a goal sheet for each quarter of the school year. These are going to be your most broad goals- get >85% in all my classes - or journal 2x per week. Goals that are longer term, or goals that are not incredibly difficult, but would do a lot of good for you. Try and make these goals easy/medium. For example- I hope to journal every day for this quarter because it does me quite a bit of good, however I know that there may be days where I get tired or don't have time, so I left plenty of room for error.

Monthly goals. These can be very similar to quarterly goals, so if it wouldn't help you to have both- don't. I do this, because I like to hyperofocus some months onto specific things. I'm doing NaNoWriMo this November, and so one of my monthly goals will to be writing every day. Separating this out to months is less stressful for me, because I can push through one months, but pushing through three is an awful lot.

The most important for me- Weekly goal sheets. I don't include weekends into these, and they are typically very focused on issues I'm having in that moment. I was finding myself skipping a lot of class, so a weekly goal was to go to every class I had. The weekly goal sheets allow you to focus in on issues you're having, and help push you towards achieving your quarterly/monthly goals.

The thing that allows all these sheets and rules and nonsense to work is a rewards system. As I'm making my sheets, I write in things I can do if I complete my goals. For the weekly goals, I will allow a trip to my fav tea shop, or organizing an event with friends. I try pretty hard not to make the reward buying something because that feels icky to me.

Monthly goals, I generally attatch a reward that could be read as a chore. For example, one of my goals this month is to read before bed three times a week. If I do that, I can clean out my bookshelves and get rud of books. This may not seem like a reward, but once I clean out my shelves, I'm allowed to buy more books, so it opens an opportunity. (without rewarding myself via consumerism)

Quarterly rewards are the most exciting (for me). I have a long list of things I can afford, I want, but feel like I need a special occasion to buy. this could be a tailored vest, a pen, a new notebook. Is it consumerism based reward? Yes. Does it massively decrease my purchasing bc I only by myself "for fun" things when I complete a quarterly task? Yes. It also forces me to use self control because I

1) have to wait a while to get the thing

2) If I don't do the goal, I cannot buy.

I hope something from this helped/sparked ideas, so go, be free, make some goals!

#studyblr #student #study #study motivation #motivation #goals #resolutions #advice #continuing resolution #motivation tips #goal tips #dark acadamia aesthetic #aesthetic #chaotic academia #dark academia #chaotic academic aesthetic #student tips #student help

[blackr23]

240112

👤: I would like to hear your plans for this year

🐶: The plan for this year.. I think Hannie will say the plan for this year

🐿: First of all, we have a lot of plans for this year, we are still working on songs, the time has not been set yet, but we will come back with a performance and we are also thinking about a tour, don't just think about it

👤: Please do it

🐿: Yes, we are planning to tour anyway. The time for this has not been set yet, but we ask that you pay attention, I think it is a year that we are all looking forward toeagerly Since we will have the opportunity to meet with our Stays in different ways, so look forward to it

👤: I heard it's the year of the dragon, our Hyunjin, Han, Felix and Seungmin are dragons

🐿: That's right

👤: Now let's listen to the New Year's resolutions of our Year of the Dragon members

🥟: Last year was Changbin hyung's year, but this year us those born in 2000

🥟: We will crush Changbin hyung (hahaha) and rise above him!

🐷🐇: Yes, I'm done, everyone

🥟: Yes, it's a joke, this year there is not only a 00z, but we, Stray Kids have 4 00z, we will return all the love and support to Stay, we will do what we have done until

🥟: Now and we will continue to work hard in the future, so we would appreciate it if you keep watching us

👤: I would like to hear your fortune for this year, so please read

🦊: Opportunities will arise soon in this new year 2024, so you must be prepared to find good opportunities

👤: Prepare yourself. What will you be preparing for?

🦊: I'm taking

🦊: lessons and doing that kind of thing

🐷🐇: For the New Year 2024, there will be a little more goals in the future, it's not bad to have big aspirations... Set your goal big, just aim high? I get it, I'll set a big goal and try to achieve it.

👤: Well let's move on, Felix

🐥: The next opportunities in 2024 will have good results, don't hold back on the past, follow the good things.... I will accept it gratefully

👤: It means more than anything else

🥟: There are opportunities for everyone to benefit in the New Year 2024, if you are ready, don't hesitate and take the opportunity... oh this is also because last year I released a song called "Cover Me" with Channie hyung, He told me not to hide something like that again.

🥟: This time we will not hide anything, we will simply show everything and welcome this New Year

👤: Wow that's good, Hyunjin said that you will benefit beyond the spatial benefits

🐶: In the New Year, something you have been constantly doing may become a new talent, so don't give up and try it

👤: What have you been doing constantly?

🐶: I'm always singing constantly... I just keep singing

🐿: It also makes coffee

🐶: Fighting!!! I will achieve success

👤: Well I look forward to the success of our Seungmin

🐺: 2024 will be a rewarding year because you will be able to improve your performance and receive attention in your related jobs

👤: This is a compliment for the leader

🐿: Good advice for a leader

👤: This is a blessing for the leader

🐿: Congratulations

🐿: In 2024 you will see better results than you think, so make it a year in which your efforts will be rewarded

👤: oh it seems that everything you have built will now be rewarded even more

🐿: oh I guess so

🥟: Now I'm curious about Leeknow's

👤: Why?

🐰: You will use your skills to solve difficult problems, unleash your skills to your heart's content in 2024, the year of the dragon

🥟: It's really unique hyung

👤: Now Leeknow, there is a moment

👤: What shows your skills and abilities

🥟: It would be in welding

🐿: I am good at welding

👤: Would you like Stray Kids to share it and make something like a ring?

🥟: Oh that would be romantic Leeknow, thank you

👤: Well I would like to ask for your good wishes to Stay who loves Stray Kids

🐿: The maknae is good at that too

🦊: Stay, the year 2024 is here, in 2024, we Stray Kids, we will make you happier, only open happy things, please stay with us forever

🐿: Now the eldest hyung

🐺: For our Stay, who worked very hard in 2023, and now after all the difficulties comes happiness, for us rock has arrived! Let's make it explode together in 2024, Fighting!!

👤: I will also support them a lot

🐺: Thank you

👤: It all ends here, Happy New Year and thank you

♾️: Happy New Year!!! Thank you!!!

#stray kids #skz ot8 #bystay #yootube

[0aurelion-sol0]

So, a bit of an update:

- I've promised a lot of posts (mainly ST posts I'm talking about here, the reviews of various things, for now, are completely abandoned) over the course of this blog yet I have never posted them after that. As you may know or may not know, I have lots of thoughts but so little time and energy to get into it given what happens in my IRL life all the time. I have tried to finish those before certain things started going and certain points of time before but I just never could finish them in time or get myself to do it. So I decided to regroup into one big post everything that I am not going to say and wants to say. I am not going to tell you when it'll drop because, again, I likely won't drop in time. Just know, I'm still working on it but between not liking what I write, the way I write it & not having enough time and energy, it is taking longer than it should be...

*(There will however be a four-part theory posts that I needed to, to develop better what I had in mind. Again not telling when I'll post it but I'm still working on it.)

- Also the fact I disliked a huge part of the story as of late and what this side of the fandom has become, it's hard being 100% invested in what I do for this particular series but it has been the meat of this blog, for almost 3 years now, and I have met lots of wondeful people here that I still love talking to everyday when we can so I'm in a way still compelled with it for the moment as you see. Especially since there's only one season left that could change everything I think about it, make it go back to what I thought it was or stick to what I'm thinking it is now.

- Anyway, I still intend to take a break from social media including Tumblr, (to a lesser degree since I still want to reblog and post stuff I find interesting from time to time & share some thoughts), which started with me deleting various social medias I had over the few months I was less things & do other things than ST plus IRL. I need it for myself, especially to grow, mature and learn.

- I also intended for this blog to be more organized but as you see, I haven't been able to make it work the way I wanted it to. Again, it's still something I want to do so as of now, less batshit, reblog stuff all the time or post stupid stuff just to fill some tags on Tumblr (which I also hope I'll get better at it). It's like a new year resolution that's a little late with many others I need to follow but I really need to follow them and make some efforts myself or it won't work.

- And to finish, let's change the way this blog look since it's been a long time and keep it this way for also a long time. X) I hope you'll like it! Hoping it works and stay that way because Tumblr just always finds a way to f*ck it up somehow...

We will see after that what I'll try to do and what I want to do but until then, this is what we are aiming for; which is already a lot for me. XD

[starryevening]

2023 resolutions & goals

lol i post these for myself so they’re easy to find and archive. took me a month to think of the big hits but here we go. 

Life & Living 

Better Manage Deadlines This is probably the biggest ongoing goal-but I want to see you improve your time management this year and generally hit more deadlines. It was really rough last year and we wanna try to improve.

Explore More You’re still struggling with social anxiety and reverting from some hermit like habits you gained over 2020. Try getting out there more, even a little.

Leave your apartment at least 4 days a week prioritize consistency even if it’s brief.

Try dedicating one day a month to go on some kind of ‘outing’ by yourself to get more comfortable with your own company (such as going to an art gallery, music show, movie etc).

Initiate Socialization More Try to be more proactive in in-person hang outs this year. Offer game nights or go out of your way to see more folks in person. Also don’t be afraid to initiate discord calls/hangouts-we did a little better last year but we can do more this year.

Add Good Habits to Your Free Time Now that you have a pretty regular schedule with work, try reintroducing things you used to love and set aside while too busy in college/post grad. Aim for at least one of the following;

Read a book on nights before work in office

Read at least 12 new books ( comic & novels )

Sing more often, even if it sounds bad

Settle into your Apartment   We’ll be moving this year to a more long term place, so take some real time to make it home as soon as you move in. Don’t wait half a year this time for the love of god-prioritize it asap. 

Health

Maintenance Medical Appointments I'm glad you’re finally set up with your new health insurance - now it’s time to actually use it. There are some regular maintenance things you haven’t done need to prioritize this year.

Go to a Dentist

Go to An Eye Doctor

Get a General Practice Doctor

Discuss Birth control, Discuss Pap Smear, Discuss Mammograms, Possibly Discuss Metal Ankle implant, Possibly that other thing.

Find a Reliable Physical Activity Post covid you've still had a lot of trouble with keeping active, especially given that you don’t live in a super walkable neighborhood. Try finding a physical activity of any kind that you can tolerate and do on a weekly basis. Some ideas are:

Walking in the park ( Photograph nature )

Yoga inside ( to podcasts etc. )

Renew YWCA and Swim again

Improve Hygiene Routines  I’d like to try to make some reasonable additions to your personal hygiene this year, you grubby backwoods creature. Some suggestions include:

Start a daily skincare routine

Wash your face daily

Look into better skin and hair care methods.

Continue Maintaining Mental Health

You’ve done a great job of managing your mental health in the past year-honestly I don’t have any improvements to suggest, just want to encourage you to keep up the pace.

Art & Profession

Create New Portfolio Work Generally an easy task, but Considering putting additional focus into some of the ideas on the below list

Create at least Three new Pieces

Experiment with color, & more dark / dramatic shading

Experiment with Mock Comic / Book Covers, Posters

Experiment with Prop or Background focused pieces

Experiment with weird comic paneling & composition

Experiment with Product Design ( Pins, Patches etc. )

Revise & Overhaul Your Portfolio This is going to be a pain in the ass but it’s long overdue. Move your site to a new host that’s less expensive and take some time to get feedback from peers to retune and refine your Portfolio site. Create a Commission Site / Carrd and Open them Again Add a small commission side-site as well and use that to set aside funds for fun events or bigger future projects. This is kind of gonna be your play money. Plan a Larger Scale Project Try planning out, in a tangible form a larger scale project. This could be a longer mini comic, creating some enamel pins or organizing a zine project. But I’d really like you to make headway on some of your many larger scale projects this year. 

#personal #resolutions #2023

[yourlittlesol]

January 1, 2024: Day 1 of 366

Today marks the first day of a leap year. However, I find it odd to feel ambivalent looking back, thinking that I miss some things I used to do or the way circumstances roll away for the past months and/or year. Dealing with new things is not my best suit, but I got to move forward because things are not gonna be the same again nor am I gonna experience the same ones twice – it’ll always be different one way or the other.

Hoisting the sail, I’m going to map out some resolutions, stemming from the ropes I came unknotting across.

1. I’ll journal more – place the dates and time so that I’ll better remember instances when I read back at the end of the year.

2. Insta less during days off – take my phone off, soc med detox even for just a day when I'm away from work.

3. Eat proper meals at the proper time – stop skipping breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, and snacks. HEALTHY snacks.

4. Life doesn’t end at 24, 25, 26 or 30 – I’m not that young anymore nor old. Kinda in the middle. Though I sort of feel like I have to figure everything out as soon as I turn 20, I’m coming to the realization that setting goals should not be a ticking time bomb to pressure myself to be big or be something else at a certain age. I should trust God’s timing more instead.

5. Smile more – while my everyday requires moving at a fast pace, it’s best to schedule a minute to slow down, laugh, and smile widely.

6. More time with family – I'm busy but my grandparents are getting older as well. Be on the loop of their meds and check ups. It’s not that hard, but if it becomes overwhelming, ask for help.

7. Ask for help - there’s nothing to be ashamed of seeking for one. Of course I gotta be on top of everything, be responsible and accountable.

8. Write well – poetries, prose, and blog. I’ve still got a lot of rough edges to polish. Writing should be more than just a habit, it’ll be best to improve with it as a part of my work.

9. Don’t kneecap words – I should be more straightforward. Gentle, firm, yet kind. When I need to say something. Speak up. Step forward.

10. Focus and prioritize God – my first strength should be with Him. Praying and reading the Word. My day should also end with Him. No matter how busy, happy, or sad I am.

11. Never cease to pray for something – God is never unjust to forget my hard work and prayers. All His promises are “yes and amen.” If things seem different than what I’ve been asking for, I have to remember that He knows my heart best.

12. Actions are not necessarily louder than words – the two should be intertwined as to prevent misinterpretation.

13. Never assume – remove presumptions (good or bad). As mentioned, words should accompany actions.Unless there is a clear confirmation, I should take any action as is.

14. Dream BIG – aim to follow God’s calling. Pray for it eagerly. Skillfully and joyfully obey.

15. Take lots of photos – as they say, “photos are memories in a captured momentum.”

16. Lastly (as of now), be more sensitive – if someone gets interrupted or left out in a conversation, include that person. Be the reason someone gets passionate and empowered about something.

2024’s not gonna be smooth sailing. I’m sure of that, but there will always be joy in it and stuff to learn and grow from. 366 days to row ahead!

🌻Sol

[miloscat]

[Review] Wario Land: The Shake Dimension (Wii)

Wario Land 4 2, for better and worse.

Wario's wilderness years continue with this, released the year after Master of Disguise. Many Wario Land games come in pairs it seems, where a second entry refines the concept of a previous change-up. Wario Land 1 had its VBWL, WL2 had its 3, and now Wario Land 4 has Shake It, the first non-shovelware title released by Good-Feel. They went on to make the decent Kirby's Epic Yarn and Yoshi's Woolly World.

I wasn't really a fan of Wario Land 4, so was iffy on the prospect of following it up. The levels here are usually a more linear series of rooms which works better in the format (a bit puzzley followed by a frantic timed run back to the level entrance), but they have more of a problem with missable pickups. TSD does bring back unique treasures, and even has funny descriptions for them like MoD, but there are too many times when you have one chance to get something, and if you fail you have to replay the whole level again (or as I call it, Kirby level design).

Forced repetition is a big factor here. Each level has optional challenges just for bragging rights, as well as secret maps to new levels which are only hinted at after you've beaten the game. Also, the role of money in this game is mainly to pay for maps to new worlds, which in the latter half of the game pretty much require grinding for cash unless you're playing flawlessly and finding all the extra dosh.

Let me take a step back though. This is a stereotypical early-mid Wii game and the central gimmick is in the title. Played with a Wiimote on its side (one of the least comfortable control methods ever devised), Wario and the player alike do a lot of shaking. Shake to ground pound, shake to escape some traps, shake to... shake. Coins will fly out of money bags, and enemies can be shaken for health or to remove their armour, for example. As a conceit this is... fine, but other uses of motion control such as tilting to aim your throws, or the obligatory vehicle sections (also seen in the Kirby and Yoshi games) are more egregious. Apart from this, the controls feel pretty good (this is the developer's mission statement, after all). Butt-stomps do require a finicky downwards input in the air on the lacklustre Wiimote D-pad, but the limitations of the chosen controller mean there's no unnecessary dash button.

Let's take another step back, because anyone's first impression of the game should be to be wowed by the graphics. Lovingly hand-drawn sprites cavort over painted backgrounds to give the impression of a playable cartoon, like WayForward's latter Shantae games or A Boy and His Blob. The 480p resolution blown up on a modern TV doesn't do it any favours but this is still a gorgeous game, and I wish we had more like this. Which makes the baffling choice to lock gameplay into a 4:3 resolution all the more galling. By mid-2008 not supporting widescreen seems anachronistic and it would especially help on a platformer where you routinely get shot into high-speed running sequences. Instead there's huge borders on the sides showing how many missions you're failing. Yuck!

One more step back now to examine the game's story, such as it is, because it opens with a fully-animated cutscene (with subtitled dialogue and no voices whatsoever). The setting is once again a pocket dimension for no reason, with a whole new cast of baddies, a charisma-free antagonist, and a damsel in distress who exists only for one gag in the ending. It's everything I dislike about Wario Land plots. Bringing back Captain Syrup, Wario's rakish two-time pirate nemesis, is a great idea, only she's relegated to shopkeeper with two lines of dialogue outside of the intro and ending. What a waste! And coming off the banter-filled Master of Disguise, saddling Wario with a silent protagonist role was immensely disappointing when the first-time prospect of verbal sparring with Syrup was right there on the table. Charles Martinet has his vocal quips but even the manual is all but stripped of Wario-style snide asides.

A final step back for the big picture (although may I quickly mention the slow, frustrating boss fights and the further reduced role of status conditions like "on fire" or "frozen" to the point that they're barely there?). I did wonder if the Wario Land series was losing its way with WL4, and sadly it seems so. For me the series peaked with 3, but there's more to the character and his series. Each game has its shining lights and its dull spots, but the identity of the series has morphed over time. It's taken ideas from Mario, Metroid, Kirby, and made them its own. But playing this I felt how Good-Feel had segued from this to Epic Yarn and Woolly World, and in doing so perhaps demonstrated the irrelevance of Wario platformers under Nintendo's overcrowded umbrella. Without a dedicated development team (RIP R&D1), with other puzzle-platformers heavy on environmental interaction jostling for position, and with a successful minigame-based subseries to fall back on, Wario Land just doesn't seem to have a place anymore. The Shake Dimension is now 15 years old and there hasn't been another non-Ware game since. Well, it had a good run. Cheers, big guy.

#wario #wario land #wario land the shake dimension #good feel #review #wii

[notyouraveragebozo]

Note 7/21/2023

A small business responds to the NASA + AARO (All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office) UAP Independent Study Team Report of May 31, 202 Take -TWO (This is the Second, more reflective, response after the one posted here on tumblr on June, 2, 2023). From: the desk of Unique Destinations Enterprise –  CEO/COB

To: science.nasa.gov/uap and everyone who would like to understand better, and who read the following message,… (This message comes after a total of 5 full-listens, of the 4-hour long NASA YouTube presentation.)

We had a small following on the corporate tumblr account, but after posting the first – long – response to the UAP Meeting,… We found corporate tumblr account followers dropped-off. We apologize if anyone took offense. We (did/do) NOT intend denigrate those seeking to ‘grow in understanding’. We posted the Red Curtain Tour video to Our Home page (4/16/2023), – 836 days after  – We first went LIVE to the World – and 3 days before  – AARO spoke to Congress (4/19/2023). (We had hopes that this new material would have been  ‘mentioned’.  Harassment of truth seekers – was/is – not – Our aim. We have taken pains to try to be as transparent, and forthright as possible.)

Being a VERY small company, it is a daily challenge to distance and/or ‘filter’ business matters promos/plans/ and intentions, from – public ‘expression’ – of ‘personal views’ on things. (And proof-reading and editing – are big challenges – as well.)

Let me begin by saying to – all – that I have great respect for those who seek after knowledge. Those who advance Science, and those who serve in Academia, informing and inspiring future generations… I whole-heartedly endorse.

(The following is a short and incomplete bio.) I grew up with NASA and the Space Age. The oldest of four boys (with five years span between – first and fourth.) I was privileged to travel for three weeks each summer as a kid, (up until my senior year), due to my father’s Hospital Administration work. We traveled/camped in many State and National parks each summer, and traveled through many states, (about 23), and I visited many museums, libraries, and monuments. – I had a very enriched experience as a youth.) The asthma would make camping hard, at nights, but the things I saw and experienced,…I was very pleased and grateful, to experience – all of the things and places my parents enabled me to witness and take-‘in’

In elementary school, I had as a classmate – the niece of one the Apollo One crewmembers. I was the space cadet/class-clown and she was like – a movie star to me. (She was so pretty!) I was a slow-blooming student, with ADDHD, asthma, (and was socially awkward with peers - having so many brothers - to occupy my life.) I tended to be more comfortable with rocks than with people.

My asthma kept me ‘immobile’ a lot,… I grew up in front of the TV. Nature shows like: ‘Marlin Perkins and Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom’; ‘The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau’;   ‘The Wonderful World of Disney’; and many hours of Science Fiction TV shows, like: ‘Time Tunnel’; ‘Johnny Quest’; ‘My Favorite Martian’; ‘20,000 Leagues under the Sea’; ‘Twilight Zone’, ‘Lost in Space’; ‘It’s About Time’; ‘Star Trek’ – and many others. I brought the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons to my High School when I was a Junior. (My family was a family of ‘nerds’.) My brothers, coming-up, after me, learned from my mistakes – and each made Phi Beta Kappa in college.

I started my collegiate education by failing-out – after 1 1/2 years,… – but – after that VERY expensive ‘learning’ experience,…  I returned to school – and was made valedictorian of the third largest school in my state. (I had joined the Marines after ‘failing-out’ – in order to grow in discipline.) (I currently stand at having connections to 14 post-secondary institutions.)

I am also a life-long rock-hunter/fossil-collector/and artifact-seeker. It has long been my nature to look for ‘patterns’ and rationale, for ‘Why?’, ‘What?’, ‘Where?’,  and ‘How?  – and thinking about ‘What to do?’ – with what is noticed by my eye. The asthma, kept me ‘still’ and able to focus on my surroundings, and the ADDHD kept me ‘searching’.

When I rock-hunt – I search – with ‘intention’  – (as well ‘joy’ and ‘hope’, in serendipitously discovering things ‘special’ enough to go into my bucket.) I try to gauge the environment, I look for clues that might inform my searching. My eyes scan, and my brain ‘decodes’ the – ‘favorability quotient,…  – continuously ‘assessing’ – each rock’s ‘potentiality’ – against – the ‘leaverite’.

I have had to physically ‘weigh the merits’ of having a beautiful 68.4 lbs. boulder of fossil fern impressions at my home – versus – the ‘pressing’ reality of having to shoulder the boulder to the car, in 105 degree heat, a half-a-mile away,… – uphill – (But hey,.. it’s what rock hounds do.) – I’ve had to contemplate logistics, as many times as I have had adventures.

I am trying to say, that in my days, on this beautiful, blue, miraculous, marble,…  I’ve spent many long hours in silent contemplation, utilizing the elements of the Scientific Method:  – making observations; collecting data; and developing hypotheses – (by having my mind open, to take – second – closer looks – to scrutinize – clear my eyes,  look, again, and again, and again,… and, review, ‘it-all’,… and,… I come to revise the ‘angle’ of my ‘understanding’…. until I am either satisfied – that I figured something ‘new‘ – out, or,… if I can go no further at the moment, then I’m stuck at a point, and…   I’m left to question   – wanting more data,… more ‘input. This is how I process, make sense, and deal with my world.

55 months ago, while virtually wandering this World, as one would a beach – but utilizing satellite imagery – in place of eyes upon the ground,… potentially ‘novel‘ information – was first encountered.

This Intellectual property, is at the heart of the small, veteran-owned/operated company, A Urumalli, U Macinasar, G Entum – Unique Destinations Enterprise.

It took two years of patient, solo, silent study, and the deepest of cogitation, (and three website developers) – before finally being able to turn the website, UniqueDestinations.org  –  ‘On’, and…  an Opportunity – ‘the likes of which, the World had never known’,   was – first broadcast – to the citizens of this planetary paradise.

With that being said,… to the meat of the matter’ at hand… as to UAPs  – (Unidentified Anomalous Phenomenon)

Regarding UAPs,… Unique Destinations Enterprise and UniqueDestinations.org CANNOT talk about: ways to improve sensor and detector methods;  safeguarding air travel; mitigating space junk; or discussing the ‘goings-on’ in the sky today, that cannot be explained. However, We find ourselves in a position to contribute to the understanding, of a specific subset of UAP investigational lines of query.

Unique Destinations Enterprise and UniqueDestinations.org can offer insight into that, which is – proposed to be observable – at a certain, specific, geophysical, latitude/longitude location, – (in-situ!)

It is not a trivial side-point, to mention, that what appears - as ‘observable’, – appears to have 'occasioned' – a VERY long time ago! Should this be found evident,… (the possible – ‘vast’ – age),… it is conceivable to think,…  that – coupled – with the sightings of stuff moving around in the sky today,… – this OLD(?) thing – could inform us-all of – some (very interesting information).

I understand – that at the time of this meeting, Dr. Nadia Drake, was speaking, as she knew things to be ‘true’, when she iterated the corollary…  ‘to date in the referred scientific literature, there is no conclusive evidence suggesting an extraterrestrial origin, for UAP’.

Dr. Drake,… you spoke the truth, but just because certain supportive evidence for ‘claims’, are not ‘in-the annals’ or ‘in-hand’ (by the meeting date) – does not mean, that – evidence – does not – ‘exist’ – to be recorded in much clearer imagery in the near future.

During the May 31st, UAP Roadmap to Investigative Research – Framework Development meeting,… several phrases were mentioned repeatedly: ‘a needle-in-a-haystack’; ‘extraordinary claims requiring extraordinary proof’; and ‘without sufficient data, we are unable to reach defendable conclusions’.

In my life, also courtesy of NASA,   I have heard, (voiced in real-time 54 years ago!), the thrilling adage, – “One small step for a man, and one giant leap, for mankind.”

For 55 months now, I have been in a very unusual - and I feel very privileged position,… to be the ‘shepherd’ – of a new possibility – a new ‘opportunity‘ for everyone.

If you seek ‘possible’ leaps in learning,… regarding the nature of this Universe,… and to seek to find solutions to the pressing: Climate issues; Energy issues; and matters of ‘Food, Shelter, and the remedies to the Human ills of the ‘heart’ and of the mind,…besides looking – as far, far away as you can possibly see – to take it – all  – in… UniqueDestinations.org, would have it be understood, that amazing things abound – right here – under our noses! Things wondrous, and miraculous,   just wait to be discovered - and learned about.

To start to learn about any new thing, we all are taught the ‘basics’, and when we are informed,… it is from – a ‘certain point’ – a place of ‘beginning’,… – putting all growing/searching/hungry minds, on the ‘same page’.

The Home page of UniqueDestinations.org – is a great place to begin to learn about possible novel data.

We await the ‘validity test‘ – that We had ‘couched' in a ‘dream opportunity’ – for those who could ‘dream-without-restraint’. We had offered – a unique opportunity to entertain thoughts both –  boggling – and – remarkable. We offered an ‘Adventure‘ -(‘everything that it takes – to cobble together an expedition – actively wrapping one’s mind around the ‘What-ifs’?, and ‘What-nows’? that come about, when contemplating – ‘walking up and rapping on the door.’ (All that would go through such an ‘experiencing’ mind,…  that – experience,…  – will be the – ‘Tale‘ – they will tell – forever!)

We offered – the opportunity to ‘dream’ dreams – in such a way, as to try to – ‘move and inspire, and fill one’s being, and life, with a renewed sense of awe, wonder, respect, and purpose,’… or,… just to have some new – EXPENSIVE – memories made.

We offered the ‘deepest of human dreams’. A supreme adventure – full of ultimate cogitation

After the recent tragedy at sea with those travelers into the cold, dark, unknown,… We are rethinking the logistics required, in a second  auction presentation. Do We repeat, as We had shared before? Or, might there be,… tweaks?         

With 99 pages of unredacted text, 11 more stills, and one more movie,… the Deep-Dive materials help provide for ‘clarity’ in one’s personal opinions.

Just how the Coordinates are moved upon, is still – up for consideration. In the eventual dissemination of my ‘dreamy’ directions – it is my most fervent hope – that this material not be swept under a rug, and hidden-away.

Any collaboration  would be with Science, Academia, Industry , here in America, and Internationally.  – (This is thinking – hypotheticals – out-loud.)

As one of 8,000,000,000 people on this planet, I felt a duty to share, what this ‘citizen’ saw. I felt everyone must have a chance to comprehend, if they so choose. So I was tasked to make things readable in many tongues – to minimize any miscommunication.

If you want to make some headway in Your UNDERSTANDING… You know where to go for the Coordinates of Conundrum – the Directions to a ‘Dream’  – an adventure – of rarest sort. We can point to where you begin your Journey into Tomorrow, – the place to start  – to learn more.

We have a new Facebook profile: ‘Unique Destinations Enterprise’ – (it is still in its early days and rudimentary.) I have been notoriously hard to contact,  We have email: [email protected] We have tumblr @UniqueDestinationsEnterprise Plurk @UniqueDestinationsEnterprise, YouTube @uniquedestinationsenterpri7973; and @UniqueDestinations.org on TikTok.

For those who seek to understand how it – all – 'first began' – (whatever that means),… Remember the Bard – ‘There are more things in heaven,… and on Earth, Horatio,… than are dreamt of, in your philosophy.’ (FYI: When I had first experienced higher education, and had failed-out -I was studying Philosophy.) But,… like John Cleese, had eventually exclaimed,… ‘I got better’.

I have grown in my understanding over time. I have had wonderful experiences in my days - as I have had bad ones, – but – knowing what I do – now,… I would not use the ‘Time Tunnel’  to travel back in Time to tell myself – even – five words! I would endure everything – all over again – to be in the position – I find myself in – today.   I am not a comic book, or an AI fabrication. I am flesh and blood human that saw ‘something’ and took the chance. I created an opportunity to grow, and I shared it for free,  with everyone having a cell phone and access to the internet. In the time since going LIVE – 12/31/2020, I sought to improve comprehensibility in 104 languages and spoken English voice! I have added a verbal Back story element after the self-proclaimed ‘free speech absolutist’ SILENCED my CEO Twitter account.

I have added a Red Curtain Tour video, and have a Director’s Den page that reflects on the First auction attempt. Since Halloween of 2022 – I have shared one element of my Post Script messages – intended to be held back for after the GPS Coordinates sale, (but due to the human element of the message, I could not risk staying silent, in case of losing the human opportunity to ‘connect’.

As of this posting, I can offer coffee mugs to consumers – globally – (for reduced shipping and increased speed in problem resolution.)

With coffee mugs available,… the next step before the Coordinates are dealt with,… I am tasked with finding an Art gallery home for my image,  ‘Abstracting Enigma’.

 And then, to the meat of the conversation, as far as UAP go,…

Unique Destinations Enterprise and UniqueDestinations.org can address the extraordinary claim of – a ‘possible, ancient, crashed, flying-saucer’.

Validity and Verification await those bold enough to move forward and explore.

At the time-mark (3:53:44), Dr. David Spergel stated,… ’I think this is an opportunity for Citizen Science’. - I do not know if he was referring to me, specifically, but I know, We DO have the ‘GEEPS’ – (GPS data.)

Thank you for listening to this long post.  No slight is intended, however I am sensitive to those that belittle the pursuit of new information, and those who would amplify ‘fear’ and ‘loathing’, over making new discoveries and advancements.

This is the Second – (more studied) – response, to the NASA + AARO UAP Investigational framework-building, ‘Road Map’ for Studying  Anomalous Phenomenon presentation, of 5/31/2023.

I thank you for having the patience to read this message.

Respectfully, the small business Unique Destinations Enterprise and UniqueDestinations.org, – (The place where dreams and reality, may meet),… and,… –( a ‘needle’ – may be parted, from – a ‘haystack’).

(This letter is posted here for transparency and will also be directly sent to the NASA UAP website.)

#ufo #uap #uap report #nasa #science #science history #opportunity #paradigmshift #future #space #truth is stranger than fiction #truth #astrophysics #novel stuff #discovery #history #vr headset #mugcollector #long post #long reads

[grahamstoney]

What is a Life Coach?

New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/life-coaching/what-is-a-life-coach

What is a Life Coach?

The goal of a life coach is to help you to have a great life. This involves a sense of meaning, purpose and fulfilment, along with liberal doses of happiness and the ability to deal powerfully with things when they go wrong. As humans we get bored if we feel like we’re not moving forward, but the big question often is which direction to move in. To establish this we need to understand our core values, and set a continual stream of achievable goals based on those values. Setting goals gives us something to focus our efforts on, and achieving goals builds our sense of life satisfaction and self-esteem, and inspires us and the people around us on to further goals. It’s important that the goals we set are achievable, consistent with our values, and allow us to use and develop our personal strengths.

The coaches I know use a structured set of exercises sent to you via E-mail in order to guide the coaching process and ensure that you get the maximum value out of it. The exercises start by examining your sense of purpose and mission in life, your values and your big-picture life goals. They then expand into more specific areas that you’d like to work on, such as self-esteem, relationships and financial goals. As you complete each exercise, you discuss what you have discovered with your coach, who gives you feedback on the intermediate goals that you have set, and then send you the next exercise as you work towards your big-picture goals. The aim is to implement the ideas that you come up with in your life so that you get to achieve the goals that you have set for yourself.

A good coach acts as your impartial but supportive sounding board. You can bounce ideas of them, talk about your goals and why they are important to you, and about the process you want to put in place to achieve them. They’ll be supportive and straight with you about how you’re going and about any areas which you may have overlooked. They can help you identify problem areas, like instances where you’ve set goals which appear to be incongruent with your own values. Everything is structured around your personal values, rather than theirs, so that you get the most out of your life. Often in life we spend a lot of time and effort trying to live according to other people’s values, and this is a recipe for lack of fulfilment, despair, burnout and ultimately depression. I know from personal experience what that feels like, which is why a good coach doesn’t force their values down your throat. They get you to come up with your own values and then use them to support your goal setting and achievement so that you feel maximally fulfilled.

Having a coach to offer encouragement and accountability ensures that our good intentions actually get acted out so that we can have more powerful results in our lives. Back when I was coaching, one of my clients commented to me:

I was reading an article in the paper on the weekend. It was talking about how people make new years resolutions and then don’t follow through with them. One of the suggestions to staying on track was to not go it alone. I can now definitely see how feed back, support and motivation from an external source makes things a bit easier and also gives you someone to be accountable to. I’m also finding it good to sit down and actually think about what my values are to actually verbalise them and see them written.

The whole process is directed by what you want to get out of life, and you can proceed at whatever pace you like. You need to commit to spend an average of at least an hour a week working on the exercises. Of course as soon as you do this, something is bound to come up; the process is flexible, so if there are some weeks where you’re flat out dealing with immediate crises and can’t do the exercises, that’s OK. You may end up doing some work on why your life operates in crisis mode more of the time than you would like. To stay on track with your coaching, you need to put some time aside to do it, and this will invariably mean giving up something else, but the cost will be worth it. Being coached means making a serious commitment to your own personal growth and development. Your coach can guide you through the process, and making yourself accountable to me will help with your motivation, but ultimately the willingness to be coached needs to come from you. Your biggest breakthroughs will come in the areas where you currently have blind spots in your thinking, so there will be some adjustments to be made in the way you think. Change and growth can be difficult on your own, but the net gain will always outweigh the pain and you can expect to get a buzz out of the coaching process. When you are in touch with your personal strengths and using them to work towards goals that are set in accordance with your values, you can expect to have greater energy and motivation because you’re getting what you really want out of life.

Since most of the action happens via E-mail, you don’t need to be geographically close to your coach. I’m currently exploring other avenues in my own life, so I’m not taking on any coaching clients right now, but I know a network of coaches I can put you in touch with. So if you’re interested in taking your whole life to the next level, contact me.

#goals #happiness #life mission #life purpose #Life Coaching

[tvitr]

uwu I don’t make the ruwules

(Okay fine, reasons/opinions below the cut but be warned! I won’t be holding back on game or book spoilers. Or rambling. This got longer than I anticipated lol)

BETTER IN THE BOOK

Eis “Fireman Sam” Glover: I don’t know what the game was trying to do with this one. I guess he gets overwhelmed by the fire and loses his composure or gets scared or... something?  Also why did he not bring a hose. Or a mask.  This is why so many reviewers thought Wonderworld was a metaphor for purgatory and all the inhabitants are dead I swear. Who cares, the book handled it a lot better. I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, but there’s definitely a good idea here with some interesting themes. The gist is that he feels ashamed following his captain’s orders to retreat during a serious blaze, which his colleagues disobeyed, and his colleagues are later hailed as heroes by the press.  Is Balan the Book trying to take on toxic masculinity...? How brave. Tl;dr, the book conveyed the story a Hell of lot better than the game. Honestly I’m surprised this is the only one.

BETTER IN THE GAME

Haoyu “Airplane Boi” Chang: So the book tried waaaay too hard to draw a parallel between Haoyu and Fiona (aka, Dolphin Girl) to the point that they both share a similar backstory, in that they had a hobby which led to a near-fatal accident and now they’re too traumatised to resume said hobby. And that’s not a bad thing per se but... “near fatal accident” was already Fiona’s backstory. We didn’t need a duplicate. And this is more personal preference, but I kinda liked Haoyu’s story in the game anyway. His failure at building a functioning aeroplane out of crap he found in his garage is endearingly funny in the game, and the resolution of him taking time out to sit down and study before building anything is a nice spin on the whole “if at first you don’t succeed” theme the chapter wanted. 

Sana “Bird Lady” Hudson: So the book decided they didn’t want to make Cal an angry sore loser so guess what? They made Sana an angry misanthrope. Wonderful. Okay maybe that’s harsh, but she definitely came off as very bitter and unsympathetic in the book. Like there’s a scene at the end where she harasses a firefighter and tries to steal a fire engine because they’re working on a building fire and not supervising her park. That’s not a character you wanna root for. That’s a Karen. The game had a better plot thread and resolution to her story rather than a boring cookie-cutter “humans vs. nature grrrr humans are so evil” story, like the game story here had a bit more depth to it and approached the topic more maturely than the book did. Which is ironic considering how hilariously edgy the book gets sometimes, but I guess throwing a few smashed eggs and frozen bird skeletons into your story doesn’t mean anything if you’re still going to paint such a black-and-white narrative.

Iben “Frozen Elsa” Bia: This story didn’t need dialogue. Like... we don’t need her to justify why she’s upset her parents are dead because we’d already assume that. They’re her parents! Of course we’d assume she’d be upset! They died! Simultaneously! That’s horrible! WE DON’T NEED HER TO EXPLAIN THIS! Also her dialogue in the book was... pretty terrible, not gonna lie. Like if you’re gonna insist on dialogue at least make it gOOD. I’m actually planning on just reviewing her book scene so I can fully articulate just how bad it is anyway, so stay tuned for that mess lol.

FINE IN BOTH

I mean there’s not really too much to say here but anyways:

Jose/”The Farmer” having a family in the book gives him a bit more depth, even if we never hear from them again after his backstory dump.

Fiona/”Dolphin Girl” almost drowns in a slightly different way, with a dolphin straight up pulling her mask off rather than knocking it out of her mouth, and the book also goes more into detail about her love for diving and dolphins. Also the book ships her and Haoyu like. So hard. Like they never shut up about how similar they are or what they other’s doing or if the other’s okay or not. By the end of it I was expecting them to just start making out in front of everyone, they’re that obsessed with each other. And it would be funny if they didn’t use this to wreck Haoyu’s backstory like I mentioned earlier.

Yuri/”Bug Kid”/”Is that a Pokémon reference?” is now being kinda bullied for liking bugs, which yeah gives her more depth and reason to be upset but I also kinda related to her just being that One Kid with interests that nobody else had. But it’s not as bad as some of the other changes, so I can let it slide.

Atillio/Clown and Bruce/Old Man are the same, nothing to say here.

Lucy/”The Artist” is a total drama queen but then again so are Art People so I can let it slide. I did like them changing her problem from “artist’s block” (seriously?) to her feeling too under pressure to create masterpieces, unless that’s what the game was aiming for? Oh who cares.

JUST A BIG MESS

Cass “Dead Cat Girl” Milligan: This is a weird one because the story is the same between the game and book (though the book mentions she witnessed a more severe car accident rather than a speeding car which she assumes kills the cat, and the cat isn’t even her cat, it’s a stray) but the story itself is... flawed. According to the book, they wanted to convey the idea that running away from the accident was irresponsible, and she just needed to look back and she’d see her cat is okay, but the game kind of makes it look more like Balan turned back time to save her cat, and the book mentions a serious car crash which I don’t think anyone would willingly return to. I feel there’s a better way to convey this idea of being responsible for your pets, like say her cat escapes from the house and gets lost, and her resolution is going out and properly looking for it. That’s a more effective (and natural) way to relay that message, especially as they weren’t going to commit to the idea of grieving a lost pet.

I’M CONFLICTED

Cal “Chess Daddy” Suresh: God this was a tough call. On one hand Cal’s game backstory is one of the ones most YouTube players single out as the weakest backstory in the game. He’s just “that guy who lost one game of chess”. Being right before Iben’s level certainly doesn’t help. I could honestly write a separate post about how bad the story placements are in this game but that’s too long for here.  On the other hand, I still... kinda like it? Like I like this idea of him being a sore loser with a bad temper who needs to learn some humility, sure it’s not as serious as “I almost drowned” or “my parents are dead” but one of the few good things about the game is that it balanced “serious” stories with “benign” ones, if that makes sense. HOWEVER His book scene is... probably one of the best written in the whole book. Which isn’t saying much, but it felt like it hit the intended degree of darkness that the rest of the book was trying to hit. One of my main issues with the book is how much it edged up everyone’s backstory, which doesn’t sound bad but when you have 12 characters with edgy backstories to sit through, it starts to feel like a 14 year old's first attempt at writing an angsty fanfiction very quickly. And yes, Cal’s story is dark and angsty but it felt like the perfect balance of dark and angsty. Or as perfect as the book can get. Like even Balan’s annoying rhyming dialogue sounded good for the tone of the scene. Man maybe I should just do a review of both his backstories in a bigger post.  Obviously I could be biased because I’m a sucker for chess aesthetics and dark skinned men with long permed hair so I’m just putting more thought into him but still.

#at the end of the say i'm just some schmuck who talks too much lmao #balan wonderworld

[fairlyspnfanfic]

The Ties That Bind Us - Part Nine

Summary: When your past comes back to haunt you, who will prevail? Hunting had been your life since you were 4 years old.  The monsters that started you on that path were resurfacing, and you knew what you had to do.  But nothing is ever truly secret, and nothing is ever that cut and dry with the Winchester’s in tow.

A/N: This is a new one that is coming from a few requests. I’m not going to post the actual requests because…well because it would spoil the story line and I’m pretty into this one.

Words: 2671

Warnings: Violent imagery, traumatic experience, death of family members, blood and gore, language

PART ONE  PART TWO  PART THREE PART FOUR PART FIVE PART SIX   PART SEVEN  PART EIGHT

I lay as still as I could in my bed, not allowing myself to make eye contact with him.  I knew that if I did, tears would flow and he would pull words from me that I wasn’t ready to say.

“Y/N,” he prodded.  “I know there’s something you’re not telling me. Come on.”  His words overflowed with irritation and his body was tense.  “Just spit it out!”  His words came out gravely and a few octaves lower than his normal voice. I had heard him this irate before, but never with me.  

“No,” I said, my lips tight as I wrapped my arms around myself.  I turned my face towards him, taking in his wide eyes and his gaping mouth as he stared at me in disbelief.  

“No? What do you mean, no? No isn’t an option here, Y/N.”  

I ran my fingers through my hair, making a mental note to shower as soon as possible.  “I can’t.  Don’t ask me to.”  I pulled my knees into myself, ignoring the twinge of pain it caused as my muscles stretched.  

“Too bad,” he decreed, his voice full of imagined authority.  “You’ve gotten us here by keeping secrets.  By going it alone.  That isn’t an option anymore.  Just…” His tone softened as he took a breath.  “Tell me, please.  Tell me what’s going on.”

I inhaled deeply, feeling my chest expand as I attempted to calm myself down.  Dean hadn’t known about my past.  Not one detail about my family or the monsters that took them from me. Just that I had grown up in the life. Everything in me wanted to keep it that way, but knowing the insistence on his face, I knew I had to give him something.

“They were the ones that killed my parents.”  I began, watching him tilt his head like a confused puppy.  “The pack.  The wolves we came here for.”  I took another deep breath in through my nose in another futile attempt to keep myself calmer than I ever could be. “We were at a museum that day.  Some anatomy thing where you could climb through a heart like a jungle gym.  Spent the whole day there.  But, on the way home, the tire blew out or something.  Car broke down.”  

I swallowed hard now, desperate to stop reliving my worst nightmare.  “Dad got out to check it out.  Told my mom to stay put.  It was some backwoods road. There weren’t any streetlamps and the nearest gas station or house was miles away. The car phone had died on the way to the museum that morning and cell phones weren’t really a thing back then.”  

I watched as Dean shook his head, absorbing every word I’d just said.

“Wait, how long ago was this?”  

I attempted to rid myself of the giant lump that had now formed in my throat.  “I was four.”  

The look of pity on his face was heartbreaking and I had never imagined it would ever be aimed at me.

“Dad was outside maybe five minutes when we heard it.  Gnashing teeth and ripping flesh.  And this gurgling sound.  Like a clogged waterfall.” I rubbed my neck with my hand, wishing the conversation was over.  “Mom got out to help.  But she hadn’t even closed the passenger door when her head was smashed through the window. Hard enough for the blood to spray onto me in the backseat.”  

“Shit, Y/N.”  

I shook my head, dismissively. “I was four,” I shrugged.  “I didn’t even know to scream.  I just waited for it to get quiet and went and looked for my parents.”  I reached out and grabbed the cup of water that sat on my bedside table, taking a slow sip.  “Dad’s body was still on the ground by the hood.  The gurgling sound was still there.”  I looked up at Dean again.  “It was his own blood.  They’d ripped his throat open.  Too impatient or hungry I guess.  But Dad’s eyes were open.  Completely dead inside, but open, starring at me, while his corpse finished bleeding out.”

“You don’t have to-“ I cut Dean off.

“Mom was a little further away.  Her, they were quick about at least.  Snapped her neck when they bashed her head in I guess.  Still ripped her heart out though.  Left her body on the side of the road.”  

Dean stood up and took a seat on the sliver of mattress that my bent legs had left exposed at the foot of it.  His hands were running up and down my thighs in an attempt to soothe me.  

“What happened to you after that?”  

I shrugged my shoulders again.  “I wandered for a while.  The pack was long gone, and I didn’t know where we were. What to do.  Just walked.  Until I couldn’t walk anymore.”  

“Wait, you walked? Like little four-year-old you, wandering the woods alone?  How long?”

I pulled on my earlobe, yanking it between my thumb and forefinger.  “Few days I guess?  Some locals found me passed out and starving little less than a week later.” I laughed morbidly at myself.  “If I had walked ten more yards, I’d have made it to their front door.  Just my luck I guess.”  

Dean’s silence filled the room as he clenched his fingers around my knees. “I shouldn’t have made you….I’m sorry.”  I turned my head from side to side, dismissively.  

“Not your fault.  I probably should’ve told you a while ago.” I gave him a forced smile, restraining the tears that threated to get loose.  

“Well, whatever the past, you ganked ‘em in the end.  Not that I approve of how you did it, but you got them.”  

“Yeah,” I whispered.  “Sweet victory.”  My tone was insincere as I leaned the side of my face against my crossed arms.  “Dean, I’m pretty beat.”

“Yeah, of course,” he accepted.  “Get some sleep.  I’ll just head-“

“Don’t leave,” I begged, grabbing at his hands as they began to move away from me.  “Please. Stay?  I’d feel better if you stayed.”  I hadn’t realized how terrified the premise of being alone would leave me.  “I mean, only if you want to.”

Dean ran his fingers over my face, tucking in a stray bit of hair. “Always,” he whispered.

I moved to lay down, turning myself onto my side to make room as Dean spread himself over the bed. “Need me to scootch over?”

He looked at me as if I were crazy.  “It’s your bed, Y/N. And you’re the injured one.  I’m not that big of an ass.” He tucked me into his side, resting his hand on my shoulder as his arm would around me.  “Sleep.”  

I shut my eyes slowly, taking in a deep breath and filling my lungs with the distinct scent of Dean. But as soon as I began to drift off, the sing-song voice of a nurse came in declaring that moment to be the opportune time to check my vitals.  

I whined in response as she pressed a button on one of the screens resulting in the cuff around my arm to start squeezing.  “Can we be done with that?”  

Dean had gotten out of the bed but stood just next to me, continuing to hold my hand.  

“Sorry sweetie,” the nurse answered.  “Every four hours until you’re discharged.” 

“Then I’m discharged now.” I answered coldly, my eyes squinting shut.  

“Not funny,” Dean chastised, squeezing my fingers tightly.  

“Not joking,” I followed up. “I want to go home.  Now.”

I looked over to the nurse whose stunned expression told me she would not be on my team on this one.

“I mean it.  I’ll sign whatever papers I need to, do whatever. But I’m going home. Now.”  

Releasing Dean’s hand, I threw back the covers and kicked my legs off the side of the bed, quicker than I had intended.  The dizziness had me wobbling as I stood, getting onto my feet.  Instantly, he was at my side reaching to help steady me.  I held my hand up, keeping him at a distance.

“Damnit, Y/N.”  Dean muttered under his breath but just loud enough for me to hear him.  I glared at him in response.

“Leaving against medical advice is not usually a good solution.  Especially in your condition.  You’re going to need physical therapy and a lot of care.  We can provide that for you.”  The nurse was doing her best to convince me to stay, but with my mind already made up, I began opening cabinets until I found the bag with my clothes in it.  One of the boys had brought my duffle to the room for me and I quickly found a set of clothing that was clean enough.

“I get it,” I snapped back. “Not a good idea.  I’m leaving against medical advice which is obviously against medical advice.”  The frustration in my voice was tangible as I slipped a pair of black yoga pants out of the bag and began dragging them up my legs.  “Doesn’t change the fact that it’s what I’m doing.”  

The nurse breezed passed me as she muttered under her breath that she’d get the paperwork.  I pulled out my oversized nightshirt; an old white band tee for a concert that I hadn’t attended in a city that I’d most likely never been to.  But it smelled like home and wrapped me in the warmth that I so desperately craved.

“Hold this for me, will you?”  I held my duffle bag out towards Dean, expecting him to grab it but was left wanting.  Slowly, I raised my eyes to his and lifted my eyebrows, inclining my head as if to ask him what he was waiting for.

“You realize this is insane right?  What, do you have a death wish or something?”  I rolled my eyes at him in response, tossing the bag to the ground as I let go of the straps I had been holding onto and turned my attention back to the cabinets, ensuring all of my personal items were accounted for.

“I think that’s everything. I’ll sign the papers, and then we go, yeah?”  

Dean chuckled louder than I was used to as he shook his head and said, “No way.”  I looked at him expectantly, resolute with my decision.  

His amusement died down and his face grew serious as he wordlessly pulled out his phone and brought it to his ear.

“Yeah, it’s me.  Look, she’s trying to leave the hospital. Yeah,” he paused. “I know.  She’s being a stubborn ass.”  He said the words pointedly as he glared at me.  “Well then, Sammy, you try to talk some sense into her cause she’s not listening to anybody over here!”

Rolling my eyes again, I began removing the various tubes and monitors that still connected me to the machines.  The oxygen came off without a hitch, and the blood pressure cuff was simple enough.  But the IV that was plastered to the back of my hand proved more difficult.

“I’ll do it,” the nurse sighed angrily as she stormed back into the room, setting a small stack of paperwork down on the table as she did so.  Her fingers expertly pulled at the tape and removed the needle from my hand without a fuss.  “You’re going to need a ton of fluids,” she began giving me my discharge instructions as she handed the paperwork over to me.

Dean hung up the phone and began listening intently, hovering over me as he did so.

“I mean a ton of fluids. No coffee, tea, soda.  I mean water.  Electrolytes.  Fluids that aren’t caffeinated or carbonated.  There’re four prescriptions in her.  One for a very strong antibiotic, one for an anti-inflammatory drug, strong pain meds, and one to help with the nausea that the others may cause.”  She pointed out each on the paperwork as she went through it.  “Take them. All of them.”  Her intense gaze and stern tone let me know she wasn’t exaggerating.  I nodded affirmatively.

“Good,” she responded. “Bed rest for the next few days.  No strenuous movements,” she turned her gaze to Dean then. “If she pops another staple outside of the hospital, her chances of infection or bleeding out again are very, very high.”  He nodded in acceptance.

“You need to do physical therapy.  Hire a therapist, do simple exercise, use a cane, whatever you need to do.  Just keep moving a little each day.”

She turned to the last page. “This form releases the hospital from any and all liability.  It confirms that you’re aware that you’re leaving the hospital against the best of medical information and against the physician’s wishes.  You’ve every right to do so but, just so we’re clear, we think this is a very bad idea.”

I gave her a small smile. “Yes ma’am, I am.”  I picked up the pen that was laying on the table where the paperwork had been and signed my name quickly.  “All done?”

The nurse shook her head disapprovingly.  “That’s all the paperwork and you’ve already taken the liberty of disconnecting everything. I’ll go get a wheelchair and you can be on your way.”

I thanked her as she walked out of the room and could feel Dean’s eyes boring into the side of my face.

“What?” I snapped, turning my head quickly to look at him.

“You’re an idiot.”  

“So, I’ve been told. But there’s that whole thing about it takes one to know one.”  I smiled at him wickedly as I waited for the nurse to return with the wheelchair.  It only took a few minutes, and I was settled into my wheeled escort, being pushed gently through the halls towards the exit.

“Sir,” the nurse spoke up, gesturing to Dean. “You may want to run ahead and pull the car around, so she doesn’t have to wait outside long.  It gets pretty chilly a night.”  Dean did as he was asked, putting one foot in front of the other in a quick jog as his bowed legs carried him ahead and out to the parking lot.

“You’ll be the death of that boy if you keep carrying on like this you know,” the nurse joked.  “Or he’ll be the death of you.  Either way, just be careful, yeah?”  She rested her hand on my shoulder as I laughed, giving her my word.

I heard the familiar growl of the Impala’s engine pull up just outside the door as we triggered the auto sensor for the automatic sliding doors. Dean was running around the back and pulling the passenger side door open when we rolled up.  The nurse locked the wheels of the chair in place as I slowly pushed myself up to standing, using Dean’s offered arm as leverage to assist me.

The nurse handed him my folder full of paperwork which he then securely held in his hand.  “If I could get her to stay,” he began. The nurse shrugged in a what-are-you-gonna-do fashion and waved at me.  I lazily returned the goodbye as I rested my head back in my seat and reached for my seat belt. Before I could grasp it, Dean’s hand was pulling the belt across my lap, gingerly tucking it into the buckle and adjusting the belt across my lap, avoiding my injury as best as he could.

Shaking his head lightly, he slowly leaned his face towards mine, capturing my lips with his own as they worked against me.  The heat of his mouth breathed into my own as his tongue grazed the tip of mine, and the breathtaking feel of his soft, full lips against mine was dizzying. He pulled away slowly, pressing one last chaste kiss against my lips as he did.

“Keep kissing me like that, and we’re going to need to pick up one of those oxygen tanks,” I joked.

“Stubborn. Ass.”  He breathed out the accusation as he closed my door for me and walked around to the driver’s side and taking his seat.  

To be continued….

Part Ten

Taglist (Tag requests are open):

@vicmc624 @heyyy-hey-babyyy  @carissime72 @deans-baby-momma  @formulafun @woodworthti666  @yetanotherreader @crashlyrose @hobby27 @gabby913 @jxackles @polina-93 @supernaturaladdicts  @fandomoverdose666 @deans-baby-momma  @deanwanddamons @tazzi-baby  @acertainhero @lilulo-12 @slamminmine  @mimaria420 @kittenofdoomage​

(Desperate attempt to get my faves to notice me)

@thinkinghardhardlythinking

@smol-and-grumpy

@wonder-cole @watermelonlipstick @that-one-gay-girl @waywardbaby @luci-in-trenchcoats @holylulusworld @cockslut-padalecki @calaofnoldor

#dean winchester #sam winchester #sam x reader #dean x reader #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #reader insert #reader imagines #oneshot #spn fanfiction series #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #supernatural x reader #spn fluff #spn angst #spn slow burn #series #fairlyspnfanfic #the ties that bind us

[lovely-renard]

Hello! Congratulations on hitting 300!! I hope I can still join in your matchup event~

My pronouns are she/her and I don't have any preferred gender, the fandom is Haikyuu. I'm ESFP and a gemini ♊ I'm a charismatic, funny and goofy person. If I were a symbol, I would be a heart on fire. I'm very passionate and emotional, so it's easy to make me very exited, I become happy and cheerful easily! But I'm also very sensitive, I feel angry very often too. I’m geeky and playful, but very jealous, selfish and stubborn sometimes, just like a kid. I seem very boyish, a very very big baby that looks like it didn't grow up. I'm a little clumsy, I bump into walls and trip very often. I accidentaly hurt myself a lot.

This messy mind don't take me anywhere. I'm not very organized, my ideas seem a little chaotic, and I NEED to write them immeadiatly to remember it. I’m the type of person that writes down extremelly confused dreams. I'm very impatient. I always seem to be late, no matter how much time I have. I bite my nails since I was a kid. Surprising everyone I'm very worried in follow the rules and I'm so afraid to be arrested-

I consider myself to be very optimistic, resolute and determined. I don’t believe in destiny, when something went wrong for me, I gotta search for a solution! But, when I don’t want to change or do a thing, I normally will not do it for other people. I'm bad at hearing advices, I just do the same thing I wanted to in the start.

I'm not pretty sure what's my aesthetic, so I'll just say a lot of things that suits me... Red, red, red, fire, cute and big things, steampunk, travelling, pop rock, magical girls and burning hearts!!! And all of the warms colors too. Oh and chocolate, cookies and brownies.

I have short bulky brown hair and brown eyes, and 164 cm height. I'm latina! I have a lot of beauty marks on my face, but the biggest is the one right up my lip. I search for comfortable and basic clothes. Where I live is really hot so I’m always on my red flip flops! I love anime/geek t-shirts, I have a lot of them! And my favorite color for clothing is also red.

My main hobbie is drawing. I draw on the walls of my room, in my hands and arms and at class all the time. All my notebooks are full of drawings. It’s rare to find notes from school subjects on them actually. I also love to write stories and to travel! It’s easy to hear me singing anytime too (I’m not very good at it). l love dogs, they’re my favorite animal. My favorite color is red, everyone that knows me knows that (kokkino means red in greek btw). Of course, I also love watching anime and cartoons.

Favorite songs: Being Human (Steven Universe), Town of Jade (Hatsune Miku), New Perspective (Panic! At the Disco), Four of July (Sufjan Stevens).

Also, just an information of the fandom I choose, if I were a Haikyuu character I would definitely go to Karasuno!

That's it, please take the time you need, and thank you very much! Hope this is not too big! 🧡

I match you with ... Nishinoya Yu ♡

Your relationship song : My type (Saint Motel)

Travelling with Nishinoya is always all fun and games… but only after you both decide on a destination. Together. Which is a difficult task. Instead of fighting and being stubborn like the both of you are, you both settle on a game to narrow down the choices and let chance choose for you : throwing darts blindly on a world map hanged on the wall.

While Nishinoya is looking for something to cover both of your eyes, you’re taking the box of darts you specifically kept all these years. “Ready?” you ask him, holding the box in the air as if it was some kind of treasure. “Hell yeah I am!” he responds with the same level of excitement. After a quick game of rock-paper-scissors (everything is a game at this point in your relationship), you’re the one who got to throw a dart. Nishinoya covers your eyes with a scarf he found in the closet and, once you assure him you can’t see, you aim blindly and shoot. You’re quick to remove the scarf and check the result : Madagascar.

Pumping your fist in the air, you loudly shout “Oh yeah! Baobabs, here we come!” Nishinoya is as excited, if not more, as you, already lifting you up and spinning with you in his arms. “I want to see lemurs too! And we’ll have to take pictures. Lots of them so we can add them to our album.”

You nod enthusiastically, adding “We have to go scuba diving too! And take a day off to just relax and sunbath on the beach.”

“Obviously.” he replies, kissing your upper lips while putting you down. “We need to prepare our bags right now. Come!”

And with that, you’re on board for another travel with Nishinoya by your side, something you’d trade for nothing in the world.

#hello lovely!! thank you for being here it was so fun to do your match-up :)) #hope you'll like it! #love is in the air event #from : kokkino

[eienias20]

Bioshock The Collection Thoughts

For my birthday i got Bioshock the Collection on PS4 so i finally got to play through all the Bioshock games.

After all the time i’ve put into them (3 runs of Bioshock, 2 for Bioshock 2 and 2 for Bioshock Infinite) i gotta say that Bioshock 2 comes out on top for me personally.

Check it out 100%!

Scattered thoughts go, SPOILER WARNING

First off for the original Bioshock. I really did enjoy it, I already knew about the Little Sisters ending, i think it was in an old “best video game endings” type of video i saw years ago but i never forgot it cause even without context its a really nice ending. Earning it myself, yea it is.

One issue i kept bumping into for Bioshock 1 was that you had to swap hands and reload independently with specific presses. So during intense firefights i would swap to a hand that needed to reload and get stuck on the reload while stuff is shooting me. Usually the plasmid hand.

Beyond that, the game was really entertaining, getting the audio diaries and learning about the world was fascinating. My first run was just a normal playthrough, 2nd was getting all the diaries with a guide, third was a survivor run with no vita chambers. Thanks to NG+ it wasn’t that tough.

The plot twist that goes down when you reach Andrew Ryan was like WOAH that’s a twist! I really liked it. Couldn’t stop playing the game until i saw the resolution. Only game with a final boss, even on Survivor he wasn’t super hard but it felt good beating him every time.

Bioshock 2 / Infinite under the cut

Bioshock 2 is my favorite. The hand issue i had is nonexistent in two since both hands are active at the same time. No need to swap and it felt super good in combat.

Being a big daddy, adopting little sisters and protecting them. Really cute. Drill dashing into enemies always felt good. 1HKOing almost every splicer just YES!! I really wanted to see how Delta and Eleanor’s story ended so i played that game A LOT. Of course i had to run through the first few areas A BUNCH cause the game had a save file issue where i created too many saves between Bioshock 1 and 2 and it didn’t let me create any more.

My issue with 2 is only really centered around the antagonist. I freaking hate Sofia Lamb and not in a ‘love to hate’ kind of way just HATE. every time she sent a message or i got an audio diary from her its like ugh i hate her attitude and everything about her. The debates between her and Andrew Ryan were so infuriating. I couldn’t wait to kill her at the end of the game only to have to watch Eleanor save her. Big bummer.

As opposed to 1 having a gameplay snafu, 2′s is more a story bump. Everything else flowed well for me i just didn’t like Sofia Lamb. Also the game gave you every opportunity to save/kill Grace, Stanley, Gilbert and even Sofia but Sinclair, your stalwart partner thru most of the game. Nope. Putting him down bummed me out so much.

Nothing made me happier than getting the Eleanor Vigor and the prompt saying BRING UR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY XD

Then there was Minerva’s Den which i did AFTER all the Infinite content, fantastic. Absolutely loved it. Cemented 2 as my favorite. No complaints on that one, it was great!

Last we’ve got Bioshock Infinite

Moreso than Bioshock 1, I watched an LP of Infinite years ago. I don’t remember who i saw play it but i remember the ending and the weird timeline mumbo jumbo that goes on but playing it myself helped me better put it together.

I found Infinite super fun to play, i really liked the feel of the combat. Firefights were a blast. it was really enjoyable! Story wasn’t nearly as difficult to follow as i thought it might’ve been. I understood it all well enough and i thought the ending put it all together nicely.

I will say my 1999 run was the opposite as i hated it. Enemies with crazy aim, losing 100 dollars every death. I stopped buying gun/vigor upgrades halfway through the game because i didn’t want to wipe. Handymen on 1999 made me despise the game completely. I was mad and not having fun. I was dedicated and pushed through to get the 1999/Scavenger Hunt trophies but i wouldn’t recommend. D:

“What about Bioshock Survivor / Bioshock 2 Hard?” well i didn’t do Survivor from scratch, NG+ alleviated a lot of difficulty. Bioshock 2 Hard just wasn’t that bad. oof 1999 tho. oof.

Last thing, Burial at Sea. Long post long, i’ll summarize. I liked playing Burial at Sea, once again i love the gameplay of infinite. i was interested in where the story was going but after finishing Part 2 i can definitely say, i did not like it. Bioshock 1, 2, Minerva’s Den and Infinite i like! Burial at Sea i do not.

The story resolution while the closed loop going back to Bioshock 1 felt like a nice bookend, i don’t like that it felt like it sacrificed everything about Infinite’s characters. It felt like it just negated any achievement in my completing Infinite and the end of Infinite’s story. it wasn’t a bittersweet ending it was just a bummer and i didn’t like it.

Watching Eleanor drown Sofia made me feel much better tho!

So there we have it. Ranking

Bioshock 2 :D

Minerva’s Den :D

Bioshock :)

Bioshock Infinite :)

Burial At Sea >:C

I still have a few trophies left to complete all the games.

For Bioshock, its the trophies tied to the Challenge Mode (i have some but not all)

For Infinite, i just have to complete Burial At Sea part 2 on 1998 mode. sigh.

#bioshock the collection #bioshock #bioshock 2 #bioshock infinite #minerva's den #burial at sea

[spacetimewithstuartgary]

James Webb Space Telescope program aims to map the earliest structures of the universe When the James Webb Space Telescope (JWST)--the long-awaited successor to the Hubble Space Telescope--becomes operational in 2022, one of its first orders of business will be mapping the earliest structures of the universe. A team of nearly 50 researchers led by scientists at Rochester Institute of Technology and University of Texas at Austin will attempt to do so through the COSMOS-Webb program, the largest General Observer program selected for JWST's first year. Over the course of 208.6 observing hours, the COSMOS-Webb program will conduct an ambitious survey of half a million galaxies with multi-band, high-resolution near infrared imaging and an unprecedented 32,000 galaxies in mid infrared. The scientists involved said that because COSMOS-Webb is a treasury program, they will rapidly release data to the public so it can lead to countless other studies by other researchers. "The sheer scope of our program is so exciting," said principal investigator Jeyhan Kartaltepe, an assistant professor in RIT's School of Physics and Astronomy. "The first year of Webb observations will result in a lot of new discoveries that people will want explore more in-depth in future cycles. I think the public legacy of COSMOS-Webb will be that COSMOS will be the field where the community conducts this type of follow-up research." Caitlin Casey, an assistant professor and principal investigator at UT Austin, said "COSMOS-Webb has the potential to be ground-breaking in ways we haven't even dreamt yet. You don't know what treasures are there to find until you use an incredible telescope like Webb to stare at the sky for a long time." The survey will map 0.6 square degrees of the sky--about the area of three full moons--using JWST's Near Infrared Camera (NIRCam) instrument while simultaneously mapping a smaller area of 0.2 square degrees with the Mid Infrared Instrument (MIRI). Through this approach, the scientists hope to achieve three main goals. The first goal focuses on the epoch of reionization, which took place from 400,000 to 1 billion years after the Big Bang. When the first stars and galaxies formed, they provided energy to re-ionize the early universe and it likely happened in little pockets, not all at once. COSMOS-Webb aims to map out the scale of these reionization bubbles. A second goal is to use the MIRI instrument to look for fully evolved galaxies at high redshifts that seemingly matured soon after the universe formed. Hubble Space Telescope (HST) has found examples of these galaxies, which challenge existing models about how the universe formed, so the hope is to find more examples of these high redshift galaxies and study them in more detail to understand how they could have evolved so rapidly. The third primary objective makes use of a technique called weak lensing. Because gravity is sensitive to all kinds of matter including that which we cannot see, scientists can use the distortions of light around galaxies to estimate of the amount of dark matter. Jason Rhodes, a senior research scientist at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, said COSMOS-Webb will provide important insight about how dark matter in galaxies has evolved with the stellar content of galaxies over the age of the universe. "A key result from the original HST-COSMOS effort over a decade ago was showing that dark matter is the cosmic scaffolding upon which the structures in the universe we see today are formed," said Rhodes. "COSMOS-Webb will make use of the JWST's larger mirror to push that dark matter mapping farther in time and to higher resolution maps, allowing us to study how dark matter has influenced the evolution of individual galaxies from the early universe to now." COSMOS-Webb is one of just 286 General Scientific Observer programs selected out of more than 1,000 proposals for the telescope's first year of science, known as Cycle 1. These specific programs will provide the worldwide astronomical community with one of the first extensive opportunities to investigate scientific targets with Webb. NASA is currently targeting Oct. 31, 2021, for JWST's launch. TOP IMAGE....This artist’s illustration displays the scientific capabilities of NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope. Webb’s large mirror, near- to mid-infrared sensitivity, and high-resolution imaging and spectroscopic capabilities will allow astronomers to search for the first galaxies, explore the formation of stars, and measure physical and chemical properties of planetary systems, including our own solar system. NASA, ESA, and A. Feild (STScI) LOWER IMAGE....The COSMOS-Webb survey will map .6 square degrees of the sky—about the area of three full moons—using JWST’s Near Infrared Camera (NIRCam) instrument while simultaneously mapping a smaller .2 square degrees with the Mid Infrared Instrument (MIRI). J. Kartaltepe/RIT; C. Casey/UT Austin; A. Koekemoer/STScI

#space #science #Astronomy #physics #news #nasa #james webb space telescope

[winetae]

wall to wall (m.) 01

↳ in a pornographic movie, refers to a series of sex scenes with no plot.

⇁ female reader x hoseok 

⇁ smut, porn star!au

⇁ sex work, insecurity, jealousy, slut shaming/objectification (not the sexy kind), role played scenario that includes: d/s dynamics - dom!hoseok, porn star level dirty talk, stuff that should never happen in a kitchen bc hygiene, daddy kink, impreg kink, rough sex, spanking, a lot of finger sucking, this fic is a poor attempt at social commentary

⇁ 22.5k

. . .

Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman. Your agent comes forward with a proposition to help put you back on the map.

↳ or, my contribution to the lights, camera, action collab : )

part 01 | part 02 | part 03

author’s note | inspired by the piece ‘slut-shaming: pornstars are humans too’ & the life after porn documentaries on netflix. thank u to jordan, eva, amy, venus, addie and lu for being a part of this collab !! *inserts a million heart emojis and a big fat NUT emoticon*

re:warnings, the slut shaming is done by others and can also be considered as internalized oppression. it’s something the reader struggles with and eventually works to overcome. this first part isn’t as smutty as the second but regardless i hope u can bear with me lol. ty, as always, for giving my writing a chance. i hope u enjoy it or at least take something from it !

wall2wall can be read as a sequel to my fic money shot. same disclaimer applies: this story does claim to accurately portray the world of adult entertainment

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SCENE 01 - YOU’VE GOT MALE. TAKE 01. ROLL A.

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Today is just one of those days you wish you had slept straight through. Maybe if you had, you wouldn’t be dying from the sheer dullness of having nothing to do.

You huff out a sigh, bored out of your goddamn mind.

Head cradled in the crook of your left palm, you use your available hand to refresh your instagram feed. Much to your disappointment, nothing new shows up. The same video of a dog chasing its own tail plays on but you pay it no heed, the novelty having worn off after the first few times.

The next half hour passes by in a similar fashion, each result proving to be as unavailing as the last. You’d think that after a while you’d give up and find a new distraction to pass the time but whether out of habit or boredom-induced insanity, you persist with your fruitless attempts.

Today really fucking blows, you think glumly, the curve of your mouth thinning into a grimace. As the adorable corgie keeps the infernal cycle going, yapping and running around incessantly, you’re struck with a terrifying thought. Maybe this is how you will die - condemned to live your life stuck in the worst sort of monotony imaginable.

What you had expected to be a “quick and easy” shoot has turned into a tedious ordeal that you don’t see ending anytime soon. And whilst on-set complications and prolongations are frequent enough that they’re almost expected, today really takes the cake. Even during your rookie days, you can’t recall running into delays of this scale.

To top it off, the weather app announces a record-breaking heat - which in itself is bad enough. As luck would have it, it gets worse. The place rented out for today’s filming lacks proper air conditioning, equipped instead with electric fans that look like they’ve been around since the 1980s.

A quick glance into the vanity mirror confirms that you look as frazzled as you feel. Because of the humidity level that weighs down the air, your hair is in a right state. You fight a grimace off your face. The straggly hair coupled with the oily sheen on your face...it’s far from your best look, to say the least.

And to think thousands of people will get to see it up close in 1080p resolution... It’s a terrifying concept.

You’re already dreading the upcoming sex scenes that you’ve yet to film. It’s always a messy affair - fluids of all kind end up literally everywhere - but the sweltering heat undoubtedly makes it ten times worse. A shudder works its way down your spine.

Frankly speaking, the mere thought of having hot and wild sex in these less than ideal working conditions kills your libido. Under the glaring studio lights, surrounded by sweaty crewmen and pressed up an equally feverish body - it’s basically the porn equivalent of a fuckin’ barbecue party.

Yeah, no thanks. You’d rather be at home, with the air conditioner at full blast, nestled in the comfy cushions of your sofa as you marathon a series of your choice on netflix. Only the promised sum of money keeps you from bolting and calling it quits altogether.

“So when are you gonna drop the new boy toy?” a voice buzzes in your ear not unlike a pesky fly.

Tempting as it is to ignore it, you peel your eyes away from your reflection just in time to catch Seokjin shoot you the most unimpressed look in his repertoire, one perfectly groomed eyebrow arched in judgment.

In the background, an old ceiling fan whirs on but does nothing to cool you off. If anything, its constant rattling only exacerbates your growing headache.

“What are you talking about?" You flick a piece of imaginary lint off your dressing robe, your tone neutral.

Seokjin’s brown eyes see right through your feigned air of indifference. Months of working by your side have made him an expert at reading your body language, be it naked or clothed. A wolfish grin adorns his face as he swoops in for the kill.

“Oh come on. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Jongmin. He’s short - comes up to right about here.” Seokjin holds a hand up to his chest to illustrate his point, deliberately shaving off a few inches off your boyfriend’s height in order to antagonize you.

You bite the inside of your cheek, careful not to spit out the retort that’s perched on the tip of your tongue. It takes a great deal of effort to unclench the muscles in your jaw but you manage to school your features into an expression of polite confusion.

Seokjin frowns, dissatisfied with your lack of response. You don’t need to be a mind reader to know that he’s currently thinking of new ways to provoke you.

When the silence stretches on and he’s yet to riposte, you allow yourself  to relax again, believing that he’s given up on being an asshole.

To your chagrin, you’re sorely mistaken. The last of your self-restraint is finally put to the test as his next words do nothing to quell your irritation.

“Jongmin.” He repeats slowly, like you need it spelled out for you. “He follows you around everywhere like a lap dog. It’d be cute if it wasn’t so, you know, pathetic.”

“His name is Jimin,” you correct for the nth time.

Instantly, you reprimand yourself for playing into his games and granting him the attention he so craves. Fulfilling his twisted desire is the last thing you hope to achieve. Staying silent would be the sensible thing to do but your brain completely bypasses the memo. The moment your mouth opens it’s impossible to quash the urge to justify yourself.

Maybe it’s your pride coming into play. Maybe it’s Seokjin’s uncanny ability to get under anyone’s skin at will. Whatever the case may be, you stammer out, on the defensive, “And he’s not my 'boy toy'. We - it’s not - we’re dating.” But the word feels like a weight on your tongue. You swallow.

The statement earns you a scoff of incredulity. “Dating? Him?”

You finally set your phone down and aim a glare his way, abandoning all pretense at being indifferent because—Jesus. Is the idea of you dating that unfathomable? He’s never been this worked up over any of your other relationships. Granted, none of them have ever lasted this long but is it really any of his business who you choose to see in your free time?

“I don’t get what your problem is. What’s so wrong with me dating?”

“Have you seen who you’re dating?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!”

While this isn’t the first time your agent lets a judgmental comment slip from between his pearly white teeth, it’s usually not laced with spite. Seokjin is never outright hostile, preferring sweet words of manipulation and thinly-veiled insults to shows of aggression. The attempt to get a rise out of you does not go by unnoticed. His anger, this time, feels personal.

You wrack your brain, quickly sifting through your recent memories to try and figure out why he’s chosen to be such an ass today. You’re certain that you’ve filled out all the necessary paperwork required to proceed with today’s filming, and yes, after thinking it over, you know that you went to the obligatory medical checkup last week. So there really is no reason for him to bitch at you unless—

The proverbial light bulb flickers on and it all suddenly makes sense.

You’re willing to bet a hefty sum of money that the high-paying gig you turned down two weekends ago is to blame for his abnormal crotchety behavior.

Yes, that would explain it.

Due to Seokjin's well-known propensity to hold a grudge for longer than average, the odds that he’s still hung up over the lost deal are pretty high. And as much as his disappointment and frustration are understandable from a business standpoint, you don’t appreciate being used as a verbal punching bag for him to expel all those pent-up feelings.

Seokjin hums, a knowing smirk pulling the sides of his mouth upwards. Fleetingly, and not for the first time, you find it a shame that his cockiness tarnishes his otherwise handsome face. “I give it another couple of days until you get bored. How long has this gone on for? A month? How are you not yanking out your hair from the sheer boredom of dating...that."

A muscle in your jaw ticks.

“He’s not Voldemort, you coward. Would it honestly kill you to say his name?” Seokjin’s expression begs to differ. You cut him off before he can add fuel to the fire. “And I won’t get bored. Jimin’s - he’s a perfectly nice guy. We’ve been seeing each other just fine—not that it’s any of your concern.”

“Yes, he’s nice,” Seokjin concedes easily, brushing off any attempts at putting an end to the conversation. He grins, wide and smug, like he knows you can’t refute what he’ll say next. “Perfectly nice and boring. The kind of guy you’d bring back home if your parents were straight-laced folks that wanted to marry you off to a choir boy. Seriously, how the fuck did a guy like him end up in the porn industry? He belongs in a church or, I dunno, maybe some neighborhood book club - not behind a camera filming you getting flogged by a daddy dom.”

You sniff. “Just because he tucks his shirts in doesn’t—”

“It’s not just the shirts, honey.” He leans over to pat your hand in a gesture of consolation. Used to his antics, his attempt is easily blocked by a swat of your hand.

You muster the dirtiest look you’re capable of, the kind of look that sends men to early graves, but he simply smiles in response, completely unfazed.

Any person with the minimum amount of tact would know to politely change the subject. It’s unfortunate that your agent does not belong to that pool of individuals, choosing instead to be selectively blind to overt social cues.

He continues on, unperturbed, like he has a point to prove. “Believe it or not, I know you. Sometimes, for whatever reason, perhaps a lapse in judgement but who the fuck knows, you like to venture out of your comfort zone and experiment. Like with the chickenshit gingerbread spice concoctions they come out with at Starbucks to celebrate turkey season and Christmas or the cream cheese makis they make for the white crowd who want to eat sushi but don’t like anything other than white rice and seaweed. And, trust me, while I’m all for diversity and broadening your personal experiences, don’t you think there’s a reason why you always go back to your preferred choice of an iced latte with two sugars?”

“Did you just compare Jimin to a gingerbread latte?”

Okay, so admittedly you’ve made some questionable food and beverage choices in the past, but the comparison is a fucking reach. 

“You’re absolutely right." Seokjin gives a firm nod of his head, his expression serious. "Now that you mention it, he’s definitely a vanilla soy. Bland and boring. Targeted towards the middle-aged soccer moms that think veganism is a trend, not a lifestyle. Wants to be a people-pleaser but misses the mark.”

“I didn’t know it was Share Your Unwanted Opinion Time,” you grind out from behind a strained smile. “If I had, I would have said something about your receding hairline earlier.”

It’s a low blow but the way Seokjin’s plump lips curl in displeasure makes the dig worth it. One of his hands automatically shoot up to flatten the bangs that are usually slicked back with copious amounts of gel.

Offended, he spits, “It’s not receding! There’s a difference between premature balding and a bleach job gone wrong.”

"I'm not sure people care to differentiate. Looks like a receding hairline to me." You shrug while picking at your nails. “You’re nearing that age, too, so.”

“You just try looking this good at 30. Fucking try.” 

He waits for a reply but your interest has already waned. You scroll through your phone, bored once more.

Seokjin makes a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat at the clear dismissal. You swear you hear him grumble under his breath - something along the lines of never going blonde again - but can’t find it in you to care, not when he’s finally ceased his nagging.

"Filming in twenty!" someone shouts from outside the door.

"They’re running behind schedule," Seokjin notes after glancing down at his gold wristwatch. "How can they take more than an hour to fix the lighting? Tch. Bunch of fuckin’ amateurs."

He aims a glare in your direction as if their incompetence is somehow your fault. 

You have half a mind to glower back but miraculously withhold your sentiments. Admittedly, he isn’t wrong - the team you’re working with today keeps committing blunders even rookies wouldn’t dare perpetrate - but you’d rather get your driving license revoked forever than to acknowledge that Seokjin’s right and inflate his already unnaturally huge ego.

Something heavy plops into your lap. When you look down, the glossy surface of a magazine reflects the harsh lights suspended over the vanity table back at you.

“I didn’t want to resort to this but you leave me no choice,” he says in response to your look of confusion.

“What’s this?”

You hold up the magazine expecting the worst. It’s heavy in your hands, the pages thicker than the gossip rags you’d find in a dentist’s waiting room. 

“’s the newest issue. Came out this morning. I’d actually like it back once you’re done because I haven’t finished reading it and God knows how hard it was to get my—hey, you can stop flicking aimlessly, I saved you the trouble and bookmarked the page,” Seokjin explains a bit impatiently.

When you shoot him a glance, his attention is trained on your face, not the magazine. He barely blinks. Like a snake honing in on its prey. And that kind of intense focus - that can’t be good. After all, you’ve known Seokjin long enough to suspect that whatever trick he has up his sleeve will give him the advantage he needs to deliver the killing blow.

Gingerly, you flip through the pages like you’re afraid the magazine might self-destruct in your hands. Which would be a waste, in your opinion, since Exquis is a damn good magazine - perhaps less intellectual than Playboy, but definitely classier than Hustler. Its reputation speaks for itself. Known for hiring the best photographers and carefully combing through their models, it’s selective, only picking the cream of the cr—

Everything around you stills.

Your eyes narrow at the spread because there, on the page Seokjin’s taken great care to bookmark, a model poses provocatively on a lounge chaise near a crystal clear pool. It’s similar to a shoot you’ve done in the past but you can tell right away that the quality of this is above and beyond anything you’ve ever done. The lighting is better, heck even the barely-there-swimsuit looks like it costs ten times more than whatever you had been told to throw on at the time.

The vexation you feel only worsens once it finally registers who the model is. Her youthful and pretty face carries a permanent haughtiness that not even makeup or acting can entirely mask.

The pages crease in your hold as you flick through the rest of the spread dedicated to the up and coming talents. With every new page that has her plastered on its glossy surface you feel your stomach sink. 

2...3...4...

“Five pages,” you curse under your breath. For a magazine this renowned, it’s...a lot. Commendable, even. Your nose crinkles. “Well, fuck. me. sideways.”

Seokjin gloats, reveling in your outrage. “Hmph. I told you, didn’t I? Passing up the opportunity to work with Kim Namjoon would come and bite you in the ass.”

“Aha! So you have been a little bitch because I refused to shoot with Namjoon.” You whirl around in your chair and use the magazine to jab him in the chest. He easily steps aside, avoiding your attempt at wrinkling his trademark Armani button-down shirt.

“It was the chance of a lifetime and you knew it.” He turns his nose up and sniffs.

“That’s what you said about filming with Min Yoongi last month.” You roll your eyes. “I can’t take you seriously if you’re gonna say the same thing every time a new guy shows up.”

“Shooting with Agust D did help you gain some mainstream popularity. You’ve gotten love calls for catalog printings and your name is now automatically on the invite sheet for every C-list event in town. Namjoon would have given you another needed boost.” Seokjin folds his arms, lecturing mode switched on. You struggle with the instinctive urge to tune him out. “Sure, he’s got a niche audience, but he’s famous in his field and it would have helped expand your fa—“

“Not to kink shame or anything because we don’t do that, but Namjoon is a freak. And don’t deny it, I’ve seen his videos.”

“He’s specialized in particular—“

“You were the one telling me not to film all sorts of shit right off the bat,” you cut in, refusing to back down from your stance. There’s no way you’ll let him sweet-talk you out of this one, not after the multiple videos of Namjoon you’d binged one weekend. “Stick to one story.”

“Well, we’re not exactly ‘right off the bat’ anymore, are we? We’ve passed that stage. Right now is a crucial time in your career so you’ve got to make it count. Filming rehashed videos of the same pizza delivery guy scenario gets boring and fast. As pretty as you are, you’re not offering anything new to the table, are you?”

Fuck him. He’s right and you know it. Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman.

Still. “I refuse to work with a guy whose porn alias is Cock Monster.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

“Well I said no,” you insist stubbornly.

“Well if you had said yes, maybe it would be your ass cheeks getting their own two page spread in Exquis instead,” jabs Seokjin, hitting you where it hurts. 

Ugh. The reminder that Joy’s bested you yet again riles you up even more. That, coupled with the likelihood of your career ending imminently, makes you stop and think.

Your agent goes on to say, “Don’t you want the AVN for best newcomer? Where did that competitive edge go? At the rate this is going, Joy’s going to steal it from right under your nose.”

“Like fucking hell,” you hiss. The magazine bends under the strength of your grip. “That one’s mine.”

You absolutely refuse to lose out to her. Every fiber of your being rejects the idea of letting her one-up you again.

“Not if you don’t start branching out. The last time you did anything substantial or interesting was about a month ago. It’s already old news. People are going to forget you shot that sequence altogether if you don’t do anything that puts you back on the map.”

A pause. “…I really don’t want to film with someone who willingly named himself Cock Mons—”

“Fine.” Seokjin heaves a resigned sigh. “You don’t have to fuck the monster willy. Willy monster? Hm. Wouldn’t it make more sense to name himself Monster Cock and not Cock Monster? Wonder why he does th—”

You suppress a snort. “Please spare me while you can. It’s amazing, that talent for making everything sound a lot worse than it already it is.”

“Why, thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“You trying to insult someone who’s willing to find you someone else to work with? I can always ask Monster Meatstick if he’s up for—”

“No! No, that’s - not necessary.” You force out a smile that wouldn’t fool anyone into thinking its genuine. “Why would I ever insult you? You’re the best agent one could ask for.”

“That’s what I thought.” He takes your compliment, forced or not. When he smiles, smugness rolls off of him in waves. “One day you’ll realize you’re taking my talent for granted. I’ll find you another onscreen partner even though you don’t know what you’re missing out.”

“Thank you.”

“But!” He interjects and this time you don’t bother swallowing down your groan, already dreading the stipulations he has in store for you. “You have to promise to hold up your end of the bargain and try your best.”

Indignation colors your face. Your mouth falls open, retort at the ready. “When do I ever slack off on the job?! I’ve never given a half-assed blowjob in my life - and trust me, the temptation was there. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay focused when the guy can’t cum on command? I once had to get my jaw realigned.”

“I’m not saying you’re slacking off,” he backtracks, switching tactics. His expression is soon replaced by the business-like smile you’re used to seeing on the regular. Tone buttery and appeasing, he tries to convince you through flattery instead. “You work hard and do a good job… I wouldn’t have signed you on otherwise. The problem isn’t with the quality of your work but with - all the rest.”

“The rest?” you parrot back dumbly, trying and failing to comprehend.

Seokjin scowl returns, unable to keep his genuine emotions under wraps.

“D’you honestly think you’re at a point in your career where you can pick and choose your jobs like this? Ever since you started dating that - that thing - your workload has significantly decreased. And not because you lacked opportunities. You had them but you turned them all down.” Visibly getting worked up over the issue, his voice rises an octave, then two. “What should’ve been a good spring board, only brought you back to square one. I know I can’t force you to take jobs if you refuse to, but I can say that your potential is going to waste. I’ve never seen someone sabotage herself like this before and it’s driving me up the wall. While I get that you’re under the delusion that you’ve found true love or whatever Disney fantasy Jungmin has sold you, you can’t turn down projects over and over again without there being serious repercussions. You’re smart enough to know this. I shouldn’t have to remind you.”

Seokjin’s chest heaves as he takes in several big gulps of air, visibly out of breath after his monologue.

For him to explode like popcorn kennels in the microwave... You reckon he’d let his feelings pile up inside him for a while, silently stewing.

You’ve never seen your agent look so visibly distressed. He’s normally the picture-perfect image of composure so the sight that greets you is enough of a shock to render you speechless.

Deep down, Seokjin probably means well. There aren’t a lot of agents like him; you’re one of the lucky ones. Most girls are discarded by their agencies as quickly as used tissues once they get milked for all their worth. 

Thankfully it’s never been that way with Seokjin. He claims that he’s in it for the long run. According to him the quick buck isn’t worth seeing the light die out in girl after girl. Perhaps that’s why he takes the task of ensuring your safety so seriously. How many times has he warned you to steer clear of this or that seedy director or ban you from attending drug-heavy parties? While his behavior can come off as overbearing on the worst days, at least he cares.

Sadly, it’s more than you can say for most.

In a way, he’s the only one in this business rooting for your success—if only because his paycheck depends on how well you perform. You like to pretend there’s more to it than that.

“I’m not - what’s Jimin got to do with any of this?” you splutter, still digesting the long tirade you’ve just been subjected to. 

“Are you serious? That’s all you got from what I said?”

“Well, no, but I still fail to—”

“Do you think me a fool?” He crosses his arms tightly across his broad chest. “The only scenes you’re willing to shoot are when he’s on set. Are you a kid or something? Since when do you need supervision to shoot a sex scene?”

“N-no. It just worked out that way, okay?” In reply to his dubious expression, you force yourself to explain. “Okay, okay - I get it. Maybe I might’ve lessened my workload recently but it has nothing to do with Jimin, alright? My vagina needs rest from time to time. Just because it’s my job doesn’t mean I don’t need a break. I’m human too, not some blow-up doll.”

“You expect me to believe that he has nothing to do with it? You were perfectly fine before he entered the picture. And now that you’re all loved up you only pick—”

A knock, so timid you barely catch it, cuts off the rest of his sentence.

“Yeah? Come in, I’m decent!” you yell - not that you care whether someone sees you naked or not. The concept of modesty has long been lost on you. Some might call it shamelessness or vanity, but you take pride in how you look. And why wouldn’t you? Your body is your bread and butter. You spend hours in the gym every week so that your ass looks good no matter what camera angle.

“It’s me.”

The door opens a crack and the speaker tentatively sticks his mop of hair through the small opening. As soon as you recognize him, your heart leaps at the sight and you quickly tighten your robe together.

“Oh, speak of the devil,” Seokjin mutters under his breath.

You resist the urge to throttle him and plaster on your brightest smile instead.

“I wanted to see how you were doing. Sorry I took so long... I would’ve come earlier but they needed my help.” Jimin scratches a spot behind his ear, sheepish. “Someone tripped over the cables and smashed a camera lens so we had to find a replacement. The director threw a fit and wanted to call it quits so we’ve been trying to calm him down this entire time. He did - eventually, anyway, after he called his dealer on set.”

A disapproving frown tugs at his mouth corners and mars his otherwise perfect appearance.

You take a moment to swoon internally. You’ll never get tired of admiring your boyfriend. Unlike the majority of the on-set personnel, he doesn’t reek of weed or booze or stale cigarette smoke. His ironed clothes and immaculate appearance always make it easy to spot him amidst the hungover crew.

“That’s fine! I kept myself busy.”

Jimin returns your smile, his eyes creasing into beautiful half-moon crescents. You don’t know what kind of love-struck expression covers your face but next to you Seokjin makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a gag and a cough.

“Oh! Here, I brought snacks. I didn’t know what you liked so I just grabbed everything I could get my hands on.” He holds up a paper plate stacked with treats no doubt stolen from the catering service. “I know I kind of went overboard but I wanted to make sure you kept your sugar level up.”

“That’s sweet of you,” you coo, reaching to take the plate from him. He’s piled on the sweets so high that it’s a miracle nothing has toppled over yet. You aren’t especially hungry but take a bite out of a chocolate candy to show how much you appreciate the effort. Its gooey consistency melts on your tongue, the taste so sweet it sticks to your teeth.

“How adorable,” chimes in Seokjin, his hand grabbing a licorice stick from the mountain of candy before you can swat him away. “Thanks Jongmin.”

“Jimin,” he corrects good-naturedly, his smile not budging an inch. You think, privately, that’s what you like the most about him. Not many have the ability to block out Seokjin’s bullshit so effectively.

“Mmh,” your manager says around a mouthful of candy. “Seokjin. Pleasure.”

You elbow him while gritting your teeth. “Can you...give us a moment?”

Seokjin swallows down the treat and opens his mouth in protest. He has the audacity to look betrayed. “You’re kicking me out of our room so the two of you can get it on? Really?” 

Jimin’s cheeks flush and you quickly cut in before your agent can make matters worse.

"I just want to talk without you breathing down my neck. Weren’t you going off earlier about how I didn’t need adult supervision anymore? Well?”

“Fine. Fine! But you owe me. Again.” He grabs his portable phone charger from the vanity table before making his exit. “And don’t forget what we talked about!”

What a fucking drama queen. You have no idea why he always insists on making a scene when you know for a fact that he would’ve left of his own volition in five minutes anyway. For reasons he has no trouble disclosing, he can’t stand Jimin’s presence.

“I won’t,” you grumble just so that you can get him out of your hair faster.

The door slams shut with more force than strictly necessary. Silence hangs in the air for a brief moment before Jimin turns his warm gaze towards you.

“What was that about?” 

“Uh, nothing. You know how he is...” You play with the ends of your braided hair. “He can’t go very long without throwing a tantrum.’

“He seems very protective of you,” remarks Jimin, a thoughtful expression painting his angelic face. “I think that’s why he’s not that fond of me.”

“Nonsense,” you rebut immediately as you take his hands in yours. “Who could ever not like you?”

Jimin allows his lips to quirk into a small, self-deprecating smile that you promptly erase with a kiss. His lips feel pillow-soft against yours, and you let yoruself indulge in the feeling before pulling back.

You sigh, remembering the scene you’ve yet to film. “If only my co-star was you.”

He laughs at that. “Seokjin would probably throw a fit, huh?”

.

.

Jimin treats you to dinner that night.

He chooses the restaurant. It’s a small, quaint place, tucked into a hidden corner just minutes away from the bustling main street of the shopping district. It’s not the kind of place people stumble across by accident but judging by the occupied tables, business is doing fine by reputation alone.

The owner comes out to greet Jimin by name. They exchange warm greetings, the woman asking him how his brother’s been doing and whether he’ll stop by anytime soon.

“Ah - I’m not sure... You know how he is... I’ll let him know you said hi.”

“Tell him I’ll give him an extra serving of ribs. That was his favorite, right?”

When her eyes trail over Jimin’s shoulder and spot you, she grins so wide you’d think she won the lottery or something. “Park Jimin! You’ve gone and found a girlfriend! And so pretty, too. Ah, really...time sure flies by. I remember when you first started coming here - and now!”

You smile back, greeting her with a polite handshake. The owner is quick to usher you into a small booth in the back. She hands you the menus while patting Jimin on his shoulder. “I’ll get you drinks. It’s on the house.”

“You don’t have to do that!” protests Jimin, shaking his head. “Really. It’s not—”

“Nonsense.” She waves a hand at him. “You’ll get two more if you keep that up, Park Jimin.”

Once she knows she’s earned Jimin’s compliance, she leaves with a satisfied smile. You can tell by their genuine interactions that she’s close to Jimin. Family, perhaps? Either way, this isn’t a place Jimin tracked down on yelp. He flips through the menu with ease, like he’s done it hundreds of times before. 

“Sorry about that,” he says once she’s out of earshot. “I used to come here all the time with my family when we all still lived here. They moved and live in a different town now so we haven’t had a meal together here in years, but. I still come here. The food is good, of course, but - I dunno. I have good memories here so I thought I’d share it with you. It sounds stupid now.”

He laughs quietly, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. 

“I love it.” You can’t help but smile, cheeks hurting from the force of it. Invisible liquor runs through your bloodstream, a ball of warmth unfurling in your belly. “Thank you.”

A pause ensues. It’s one of those moments in which you’re unsure if you’ve said too much or not enough. Being here with Jimin means a lot. You’re not the most verbose person but you hope that Jimin can feel your sincerity.

Maybe your stare comes off as too intense because Jimin breaks the eye contact and clears his throat.

He fiddles with his earring and says, “The food is really good!”

Pink dots his cheeks as he attempts to change the subject. “I don’t know how long the place has been around for but the food is exactly the same. Apparently it’s the sauce they use? Auntie still won’t share the recipes with me and I’ve known her since I was a kid.”

He chatters on, gaining confidence when he notices you’re not put off or bored by his numerous anecdotes. As time passes by, he’s visibly more relaxed. His laugh is more natural, less restrained, like he’s using all the muscles in his face and not just the ones near his mouth.

It’s a stark difference from the first date, you think. Back then he had come off as quite shy, preferring to let you lead the conversation, only offering up tidbits from time to time. Now the conversation flows easily. Nothing feels forced or awkward and - it’s nice. The normalcy of it. Like a hot cup of tea before bed or the scent of the fabric softener your mother uses. It’s something you find comfort in, that you can see yourself coming back to and not growing tired of.

Seokjin can say what he wants - that Jimin’s too uninteresting, that you’re too mismatched of a couple - whatever. 

Jimin likes you for you.

When you’re out on dates or when the two of you talk on the phone late into the evening, he rarely brings up your job. Instead, he asks you questions about your favorite TV shows, your dipping sauce preferences, the first album you purchased. These small details might seem inconsequential to others but to you, they’re a welcome breath of fresh air.

For all the talks of Jimin being too average and too normal, men like him are in reality surprisingly hard to come by.

Because what you haven’t failed to notice since you began your career as a porn star is that people love the idea of you. People who avidly watch you from their laptop screen in the comfort of their own home think that you’re some type of sex goddess - that you’re basically up for anything. In their minds, you’re a fun girl who loves sex, all kinds of sex, any kind of sex, and who doesn’t have any qualities or attributes other than making people cum until their limbs go numb.

Your feelings? Not really important. Feelings would make you human and being human would ruin their favorite fantasy.

That’s what takes you a while to learn - you don’t get paid to have sex, you get paid to sell dreams.

It doesn’t bother you at first. In a way, you think, it’s like acting. The porn star people jerk off to daily is a character you play, a mask you can take off at your leisure once the camera director yells ‘cut!’.

Very quickly, you learn people don’t share the same sentiment. To them, the line that distinguishes you from your job persona isn’t blurry - it simply doesn’t exist.

In the beginning, you’d stayed optimistic. Once people get to know you past the image they’ve built up in their heads, surely they’ll realize you’re not a sex-craved addict who only has dick on the brain, right? But with every new date you accept to go on, the reality of your situation only leaves room for disappointment and barely reigned in revulsion.

Even in non-romantic situations, people let you down. Old classmates, neighbors... It pisses you off that they assume you have no self-worth just because you’re a sex worker. Stevie from 308 down the hall once tried throwing crumpled bills at you, expecting you to crawl over to him for a fifty. The memory is enough to set your blood boiling. You can’t wait until you earn big enough bucks to move out of your shitty apartment into a nice high-rise penthouse, away and above all the scum of the Earth.

“You okay?” asks Jimin, noticing the crease that burrows your brow. “The food alright?”

You blink several times, belatedly realizing you had zoned out. Guilt and embarrassment well up within you.

“M’yeah,” you swallow down the spoonful of stew stuffed in your mouth. “Sorry.”

Jimin chews his bottom lip. Finally, he settles with, “Tell me if I’m boring you.”

“No, no! You’re not.” His evident doubt does nothing to alleviate the sudden nausea swarming your lower belly. “I’m serious, Jimin. I’m - Sorry if I gave off that impression. I just - I have a lot on my mind but you’re lovely. I’d tell you if you were - you know. Promise.”

“Would you? Sometimes I think you’re too nice.” It’s not delivered as an insult, but it doesn’t exactly sound like praise, either. 

You force out a snort. “Heh. Wish you’d tell Seokjin that.”

“He’s not too cross with me, is he?” Jimin’s expression looks awkward, like he’s forcing his facial muscles to stay relaxed and mien nonchalant.

“Wh- oh, you mean because of earlier? He isn’t. That’s not him being angry. It’s not even you. It’s me. We just have - a slight difference in opinions, I suppose. If you can even call it that.”

“He doesn’t want you to date me,” concludes Jimin.

The frustrations you’d repressed earlier in the day come back. Why does Seokjin’s opinion matter? You huff, putting your spoon down.

“He’s not my dad. And even if he was, I’m grown. I can make my own decisions.” You roll your eyes. “Don’t worry about him. He’ll get over it... It’s not like it’s any of his business in the first place.”

“Still...” Jimin says, unsure. “He’s your agent. I wouldn’t want the relation between you to sour because of me.”

“Honestly, I’m convinced it’s not even you he has a problem with. We talked about it today and I think he’s getting antsy because, um, you know, I haven’t accepted any big offers lately. Like, I’m staying too much in my comfort zone or something. He says that in the long run that can be detrimental to my career.”

It’s a bit strange, discussing your work with Jimin. You both work in the same industry, Jimin as a second camera assistant and you as an adult entertainer, but outside of filming sets, you rarely acknowledge what the other person does for a living.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He wants me to branch out and try new things.”

“What, you mean anal? Gangbangs?”

“Um, yeah. All that, probably...” You have to blink several times because of the shock of hearing Jimin say that so casually. “...Is that okay?”

“Huh?” Jimin in turn blinks at you, like your question doesn’t properly register. “Oh, yeah, sure. I’m fine with it. You said it’ll be good for your career?”

“Apparently.”

“Then, yeah.” He shrugs like he isn’t bothered by the news at all. “Of course that’s okay.”

A part of you wants to push the issue, ask him why he’d be fine with his girlfriend filming intense sex scenes with random men, but that inner voice is snuffed out before the poisonous thought has time to take root.

Isn’t this what you always wanted? A boyfriend who is accepting and understanding of your profession?

You wash down your worries with a gulp or two of soju, determined not to let your own insecurities ruin the rest of your night.

.

.

Less than 24 hours after you’ve agreed to work on a worthwhile project of Seokjin’s choosing, a slew of texts blow up your phone. 

Unsurprisingly, it’s your agent. A quick scroll through your phone reveals that your agent has left you with no less than 15 messages, 1 voicemail, and 3 e-mails.

It’s...a lot. You’ve grown to expect that kind of fanfare with him. Like any man who deals with legally binding contracts on a daily basis, Seokjin ensures that you keep your word. He can be extremely persuasive when he sets his mind to it. You’ve seen men and women alike succumb to the force of his magnetism. Back when your filmography had solely consisted of amateur sex tapes shot in bad lighting with low-grade filming equipment, Seokjin's charms alone had been sufficient to win over lukewarm casting directors and book you jobs.

SEOKJIN : hey!!!!!!!!

SEOKJIN : ???

SEOKJIN : wow. you’re leaving me on read.........the audacity. 

SEOKJIN : i raised you on my back and this is how you repay me?

SEOKJIN : do you not respect your elders in your household?

SEOKJIN : i swear if you’re blowing me off for jimmy instead of answering your calls .........

SEOKJIN : or blowing jimmy. either one.

SEOKJIN : ok it’s been 10 min. i’m chill but not that chill.

SEOKJIN : can you please stop sucking dick and read your emails. it’s important.

YOU : ever heard of multitasking? god gave us two hands for a reason

SEOKJIN : oh. nasty.

SEOKJIN : way to ruin my lunch.

SEOKJIN : well. suck down that nut sauce asap

SEOKJIN : cos what i sent you needs your undivided attention

YOU : i’m nasty?? me????

YOU : you don’t hear me saying nUT SAUCE you freak

SEOKJIN : nutté sauce

SEOKJIN : there. fixed it.

YOU : ...that’s not even a thing

SEOKJIN : well it should be!

SEOKJIN : adding accents makes it instantly classier, don’t you think? nutté sauce. has a nice ring to it.

SEOKJIN : honestly. sounds like some fancy four star french starter now.

YOU : ???? it absolutely doesn’t but ok

SEOKJIN : imagine. during a scene you just yell out

SEOKJIN : “i’d like a serving of your nutté sauce to go”

YOU : dicks would shrivel up on the spot

SEOKJIN : what? i think it’s brilliant!

SEOKJIN : my talent is wasted as an agent. should’ve been a scriptwriter instead.

YOU : yes i’m sure the oscars are weeping over the missed opportunity

He takes your sarcasm at face value, feeding you more ridiculous variants of faux french cum lingo—that which you very wisely choose not to reply to. Instead of humoring him, you open the .pdf file he’s sent your way, ignoring the near-constant buzzing of your phone as he’s no doubt pestering you for an immediate answer.

Had it not been necessary for business, you’d have blocked his number ages ago. In fact, after that nut sauce comment you’re seriously reconsidering, business obligations be damned. 

To his credit, the film project he suggests you work on doesn't sound half-bad despite its questionable title. Why anyone would choose to name it THE SPERMINATOR is beyond you.

As you read through the proposition, you’re surprised to find it’s tamer than the initial imaginary scenario you’d played out in your head. Expecting to read through a long list of unnameable kinks and dicks, the scene description is rather domestic all things considered.

Your shoulders sag in relief. You enjoy sex as much as the next person, but even you have limits you’re not willing or eager to cross. You’re a human being, first and foremost, and, contrary to popular belief, not competing in the sex olympics.

From what you’ve read so far, nothing in Seokjin’s offer seems too strenuous or perverse. The scene in question is centered around a young, newly married couple trying to conceive for the first time and the sex acts are described as “romantic insemination” - whatever the fuck that means. The only complication you can think of is that you’ve never played the part of a married couple before. None of your previous films specifically target couples or women. Is romance something you can sell accordingly?

You’re quick to shake the concern off once you remember that no one cares if your acting is shit or not. All you probably have to do is yell out ‘Daddy’ a few times mid-thrust and call it a day.

Honestly, you’re a bit disappointed in Seokjin for choosing such a safe, no-risk project - especially since he constantly advocates the risk-return trade off as the way to live by. But you’re not about to start complaining. You’d rather shoot this type of innocuous scenario than ridiculous, hentai-like scenes involving freakish get-ups and toys of monster proportions not realistically made to fit in a vagina.

The deal is perfect. Almost too perfect.

Subconsciously, you must realize something is wrong. Maybe Seokjin’s many lessons have finally rubbed off on you because there’s a persistent voice in your ear warning you that the film proposition is a trap, one that you’ve unfortunately walked straight into.

Your wariness increases when he refuses to send you the script upon request. Alarm bells ring off but by then it’s too late.

“The thing is... Director Ryu wants to try a new type of project," Seokjin says over the phone once you call him up for answers. "He thinks he’s going to pioneer a new genre of porn and revolutionize the industry - his words, not mine.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“How do I explain this without you getting the wrong idea..."

“Is this meant to reassure me?!” Dread drips from your tone. You should’ve suspected something was off from the very moment Seokjin suggested to shoot vanilla porn as your next big project. What a joke.

“Calm down, it's not as bad as - whatever you're thinking.” Too bad that his attempts to calm you down have the opposite effect. “He’s been wanting to try out a new improvisation format for his porn movies.”

“Come again?”

A beat of uncomfortable quiet passes. Reluctantly, Seokjin explains, “Which means - there isn’t an actual script to go off of. That’s why I couldn’t send it to you - because there is none. He wants it to be as realistic and natural as possible so he’s looking for actors who can go with their gut and create their own scenario instead of ones who need to be directed.”

Your resounding silence speaks for itself.

Sure, sometimes they provide scripts to act as guidelines, roughly giving the actor an idea of how the scene will unfold, but no one is expected to follow it word for word. Most porn films rely on improvisation rather than scripts because of how notoriously bad porn stars are at acting and memorizing more than a few lines at a time, and the introduction scene never lasts very long anyway for it to make a noticeable difference. Besides, after filming a handful of movies, you’ve noticed the dialogue is more or less all the same.

What bothers you is that this director wants you to carry out a movie that relies heavily on improvised dialogue. Convincingly.

“C’mon,” Seokjin tries when you refuse to deign him with an answer. “It’ll be fun. You like acting, right?”

“Seokjin...” You pinch the bridge of your nose and try to keep your composure in check. “How do I break this down for you? I think you’re forgetting the most crucial detail here - I can’t act! The closest I've ever gotten to acting is faking an orgasm and I’m pretty certain that doesn’t count."

“And you do that very well!" says Seokjin encouragingly. "You'll be fine. Don’t stress over it. Your scenes with Min Yoongi last time were perfectly acceptable!”

“That’s the thing.” Stress makes your voice raise a half-step. “He did, like, 90% of the acting! Back then, all I had to do was moan and act like a slut! Which hardly counts - I was being myself. Whatever this - thing - you’re attempting to rope me into - I’m not qualified for it.”

“Sweetheart, we’re not aiming for the fucking Oscars here.” When he laughs, it’s practiced enough to sound sincere. “At the end of the day, it’s still porn. Nobody’s expecting you to be the next Meryl. And besides,” he presses on, clearly refusing to change his mind. “This is exactly what you need right now. Something fresh, something new. If you pull this off, you’ll gain exposure.”

“If I pull it off. Big if."

“I know it sounds like a gamble. I get it, I do. But remember what I always say? High risk—”

“Yes, yes. High reward. I get it.” Your frown deepens. “There’s no way to know this will work, though.”

“A good co-star already guarantees you half of the success. And luckily for you, the guy they signed on seems like the real deal. He’s hot, you’re hot. People will pay money to see you two fuck regardless of how good or bad the acting is.”

“Well. That’s reassuring,” you say, voice as flat as a board. “Although I suppose watching porn on mute is always an option if it comes to that.”

“It was a joke!” What worries you is that it doesn’t sound like it is. “You have nothing to worry about. I’ve seen some of your co-star’s tapes. He’s got a mouth on him, if you know what I mean. Just let him lead and it’ll go swimmingly.”

“It’s one thing to follow someone’s lead during sex but you want me to - to improvise for God knows how long! That’s just asking for a disaster to happen.”

“You said you were up for a challenge!” Seokjin throws your words back at you, his tone accusing.

“And you said this would be beneficial for my career! How is making a fool out of myself going to help me any? I don’t want to be remembered as the girl who can’t act to save her life.” You want to cry in frustration. If you had wanted to act you would’ve chosen that as your major in college. “I don’t - I can’t do this. I’m not - this isn’t what I signed up for! How do you expect me to convince viewers what they’re watching is real...”

“Just—” Exasperated, he takes a deep breath. Exhales. “Trust me. When have I ever been wrong about film projects.”

Is putting your career at risk really worth it? You’re not sure anymore.

On the bright side, it’ll finally get Seokjin off your back, you reason, trying to remain positive. That in itself is worth celebrating, right?

Fine. You’ll agree to it out of pettiness. Once Seokjin realizes what a terrible idea this entire ordeal is, you won’t hesitate to rub it back in his face. He’ll never hear the end of it.

"Who am I working with, anyway?”

"Ah, hm, well." Hesitation creeps up his voice for the first time, putting you instantly on edge. "...You won't know him. He's new to the scene - got started a month or two ago, I forget."

"Great. Not only am I being used as a lab rat for this director to experiment on but you're also pairing me with a fucking rookie. Jesus.”

"He’s not half bad! He’s not bad at all, actually. I wouldn't be insisting if I didn't trust him not to blow his load early."

"Aren’t I lucky,” you deadpan. “So I don't have to worry about him busting a nut before the director gives the signal?"

“All you’ll have to do is act like a married couple with baby fever,” he talks over you, ignoring your overflowing sarcasm. “And how hard can that be? You’ve been loved up with Jumin for a month now - that’s plenty enough practice if you ask me. I know you’ll be able to sell that romantic shit to the public without too much trouble.”

“It’s Jimin,” you correct from force of habit.

You’re promptly ignored — not that you expected anything less from him.

"Just give it a thought? And get back to me when you make up your mind. The sooner the better. The offer won't stay on the table forever." Even over the line, you can picture Seokjin raising his eyebrows at you, expectant. “If you’re serious about this job, you know what you have to do.”

You both know that you’ll accept the offer. Seokjin’s got you all figured out. As much as you don’t like being pushed around, the need to prove yourself is your main driving factor. The acquaintances who sneer at you, the family members who’ve shun you, the peers who expect you to burn out after the five month mark—you’d rather roll over and die than prove their misconceptions right.

It’s a matter of pride when you sniff and reply, “I’ll think about it.”

But the decision is already made before the call ends.

.

.

SCENE 02 - THE SPERMINATOR. TAKE 02. ROLL B. 

.

Eight days later you find yourself squeezed into a brazenly short dress that zips in the front, more fit for a night out in a club than a dinner at home. It’s so ridiculously tight, you feel like a prey being swallowed down by a snake. There’s no room to breathe. You can’t wait for the scene to start, if only so you can dispose of the piece of fabric and never wear it again.

Unfortunately, your outfit gets worse because thrown over the clubbing attire is a frilly apron with small hearts embroidered along the hem. The mismatch is jarring. You’re not sure what look the stylist is going for but the end result is very...peculiar.

You comfort yourself with the knowledge that it could always be worse.

A quick glance at the digital clock on your phone confirms that you’re running on time. Good. After your last gig, the last thing you want is to spend hours waiting for the personnel to set up the cameras and sound equipment correctly.

Thankfully, today’s team works like a well-oiled machine. All that’s left are the last-minute preparations before the shoot begins.

Your false eyelashes are still drying when Seokjin elbows you sharply in the ribs. You crack open an eye to glare at him. “Ouch - ah, seriously? What is it now?”

“That’s him, that’s him!” Seokjin whispers under his breath, his gaze glued to a point somewhere beyond your shoulder. “Wooow. Aren’t you a lucky bitch? I’d gargle his nutté sauce for breakfast, if you get what I mean. He looks way better in person, damn.”

“Firstly - please never say that out loud again.” You fake a gag. “How do I buy myself a new set of ears?”

Seokjin ignores your dramatics. He shoots you a look. “You let that last guy draw a starfish on your face with his crème de la nut but did you hear me go sick?”

“That’s not the same and you know it!” Your jaw drops in indignation. “And can you stop trying to make nut cream a thing for the love of—”

“What’s this about nut cream?”

You whip your head around, mortification already etched onto your features. Your mouth opens, defense at the ready, only for your throat to clamp up.

“Oh.” You blink up in surprise because - well, Seokjin’s earlier assessment isn’t embellished. The guy is fit as fuck.

You’d seen photos in passing, had even googled his name out of curiosity, but the two-dimensional version of him pales to his real life physique. There’s a sharpness to his features that the camera fails to pick up on, a vibrancy that gets lost in the medium. 

“Hey. I’m Hoseok.” His grip is firm, assertive, and your eyes naturally wander over his form. The loose muscle tee he’s thrown on puts his toned arms on display and makes it easier to admire the seemingly endless expanse of sun-kissed skin. He’s neither too thick nor too spindly, his muscles lean and firm instead of bulging. Strong but not intimidating. “I look forward to working with you.”

“Likewise.” You swallow, mouth dry.

You expect him to leave it at that like most of your past co-stars usually do. Or worse - for him to abandon all pretenses and cross lines that aren’t meant to be crossed. As someone who has experienced it all - from standoffish to creepy and vile - nothing surprises you anymore.

But unlike your, admittedly low, expectations, his gaze is warm and friendly. He speaks smoothly, leaving no time for an awkward silence to instill itself.

“Yeah, I know who you are! I saw a video or two of yours before - you were featured on the agency’s main page last month, right? Fuckin’ genius, by the way. Best stuff I’ve seen in a long ass time.” An easy grin sits on his face, nothing about it fake or contrived. “I hope we get along today. I haven’t done much work myself - yet anyway - but I hope this can be a good experience for the both of us.”

“You’ll be in good hands,” Seokjin assures, patting your shoulder like a proud parent. “_____ here is the best talent I’ve signed on.”

“That I can believe,” Hoseok chimes, his smile never waning. “I’ve heard good stuff about you. I won’t lie - it reassured me a fuck ton when I heard I’d be working with you. The stuff we’re doing is, well, it’s a bit of a gamble at this point, but I’m sure it’ll go well because I’ll be working with you.”

For a brief, embarrassing moment, you’re robbed of words, unable to respond to his flattery. From experience, you know to be wary of guys like him. Whenever someone lays it on thick they always have an ulterior motive. But what could possibly be his?

“Seokjin’s saying that because I’m the only one who can stand his nagging,” you finally say, your shoulders stiff. Maybe it’s because you’ve just met, but it’s hard to figure him out and it doesn’t help that you’re naturally wary of strangers.

“Oh hush. You love me.” Sensing how guarded you’ve become, Seokjin mercifully offers you an out. “It was nice meeting you, Hoseok. Wish we could stay and chat but she has to get ready to film the pre-interview portion.”

“Oh yeah, that’s cool. Catch you later.”

You offer a quick smile he returns tenfold, its brightness momentarily dazzling you.

Slightly dazed from the intensity of it, you stagger behind Seokjin, sun spots dotting your vision. Your surroundings blur together as your mind tries to recover from the interaction.

“Sooooooooo?” Seokjin sing-songs once you’ve walked far enough to be out of earshot. His brows are raised knowingly, an infuriating type of smugness clinging to his features. “What did I tell you! He’s hot enough to single-highhandedly melt a glacier, huh?”

You scoff, not willing to admit anything. “He’s okay.”

“Oh c’mon. He’s baby daddy material for sure. Which works out well for you since he’s gonna pump one into you later.”

For once the grimace that crosses your face isn’t exaggerated. “Please. Stop. Talking. I’m this close to heaving out my lunch.”

You’re not even joking with that one. Attractive as Hoseok may be, any talk of baby-making is enough to dissipate any smidgens of lust.

The reminder of what the upcoming scene entails and the expectations people carry crash down on you like a pile of bricks. Although you’ve done your best to ignore the fact you’ll be acting today, the meeting with Hoseok yanks you harshly back to reality.

You’re going to act. As a married couple. Trying to conceive a baby.

Three things that have never, ever been on your bucket list are now about to be crossed out in the span of the same afternoon. To that you can only say - what the fuck is my life.

Like a mounting wave before the inevitable crash, panic crests within you. You feel it gradually build and build, flooding your lungs and every crevice of your body with overwhelming anxiety.

Seokjin sighs. “How are you going to make it through today? The whole point of the sex scene is to get you pregnant. Or fake pregnant. You know what I mean.”

“Um...” You try to laugh but it comes out shaky. Seokjin shoots you a concerned look. “I’ll be fine! Really! I can do it. It’s just acting like you said, right? It’s not like he’s actually gonna knock me up in real life. So. Totally fine. It’s fine. Perfect.”

Seokjin’s concern grows. His eyebrows pinch together and his expression turns serious. He asks with no trace of mockery, “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay!” you reply. It’s too rushed of an answer to convince him. Your palms feel clammy and you wipe them off your damned apron. “Just. Nervous. Y’know.”

His steps slow to a halt and he places a warm, heavy hand on your shoulder. The weight, familiar and comforting, grounds you to reality. “Hey. What’s there to be nervous about? You got this.”

“Yeah.” You nod. Maybe if you say it enough times you’ll trick yourself into believing it. “I’ve got this.”

“Look. Let me be honest for a second. I’ve been an agent for eight years now and I’ve seen a lot of talents come and go. No pun intended.” You smile back at him weakly. “You’ve got something...extra a lot of them lacked. I knew the moment I saw you on film you’d go far. The energy you bring onscreen is insane. I know today might seem new and strange - but so was your first ever professionally shot film, right? And you got through that fine. You’ll do great. I know it. And, not to toot my own horn, but I’m always right.”

That earns him a laugh. The nerves are still there but thanks to his pep talk it’s easier to breathe.

Despite being a big pain in the ass, Seokjin is exemplary at his job. Without him, you’re acutely aware you wouldn’t have gotten half as far as you have. Having him by your side is a reassurance in itself.

Someone calls your name, pulling you from your thoughts. When you turn around, you’re face to face with the round, bespectacled face of Director Ryu. You reckon he’s in his early forties but he acts younger than his age. It’s your first time working with him but so far he’s been nice enough, if a little full of himself. Not that you’re unaccustomed with working alongside conceited colleagues.

“Oh good, you’re back. You can get seated for the interview bit.” He points over to a chair placed in front of a pale yellow wall. From close up, you can see a paint job is in order, the old coat chipping off in several places. “Alright, this won’t last long - just need you to answer some questions on tape and we’ll be good to go.”

“Sure thing.” You nod and follow his directions, sitting still while the hair and make-up artist steps up to give your lips a final touch-up.

Strictly speaking, the before and after interviews aren’t a necessity. In your experience, directors mostly film the short question-and-answer sequence when you’re set to film hardcore sex scenes as a way to show viewers everything is consensual and that you thoroughly enjoyed the experience despite whatever might have transpired on screen.

You reckon the director wants to film you today to document the process behind his “groundbreaking film project”. Cue roll of eyes.

Somebody needs to tell him he isn’t inventing anything, you think while watching him fiddle with the camera until he’s completely satisfied with the angle. All he’s done so far is add unnecessary pressure on you. You hope Hoseok is faring better because the amount of performance anxiety you’re experiencing is an instant boner killer.

“You nervous?” the director asks once he’s done adjusting the camera lens.

While by some standards you’re still considered a newbie in the industry, you’ve done this enough times to fall into a routine. Wake-up, breakfast, get ready, arrive before call time, fill out all the paperwork and get ready to shoot your solo stills. It’s familiar enough that you’ve long stopped getting pre-performance jitters.

Today’s rush of anxiety is as surprising as it is unwelcome. They don’t want to hear that particular truth though, so you keep your reply sweet and bubbly.

“Nah,” you grin, wide and easy. “I’m super excited to film today!”

“Oh yeah? Is it perhaps because of your co-star?”

Your smile freezes for a second. Somewhere over the director’s shoulder you can see Seokjin nodding enthusiastically while giving you the double thumbs up. “Hoseok? He’s hot, sure.”

“Ooh. Already on a first name basis?”

“Hm?” you let out a noise of polite confusion, only belatedly realizing that his viewers know him better as his porn alias, J-Hope. But there’s no way in hell you’re going to yell that out loud while he’s fucking an orgasm out of you. Not only does it sound ridiculous but it’ll shatter whatever carefully crafted illusion you manage to build. “Um, yes. We’re getting to know each other. He’s very friendly.”

“I’m sure he is.” And there’s an implication there that doesn’t sit too well with you but thankfully Director Ryu chooses to move on and put that particular subject to rest.

“You ever shoot an insemination scene before?”

“Not yet.” You make sure to keep the smile on your face even if your cheeks are beginning to hurt. “I can’t wait to get to it. It’s a fantasy I’ve always had but never tried out for myself. I’m excited to film a first on camera!”

The director has yet to call you out for your bullshit so you slowly start to relax. Acting is a bit like lying, isn’t it? Maybe you can get through today after all.

You breeze through the rest of the questions, forcing out practiced laughs here and there all whilst keeping your voice syrupy sweet. It’s quick work, especially when you know what to expect. Before you know it, it’s already time to film the pièce de résistance. Everyone that’s allowed on set during filming filters into the kitchen, conversations between crew members dying down as they use their last recreational moments to check their phones.

The director’s filming style exempts you from shooting the customary pre-shoot sex stills which are essentially promotional pictures of you and and your partner in every sex position that you’ll be filming for real later on. You’re thankful for that, at least. Even with all of your on-camera experience, staying perfectly silent and still with someone’s dick inside you is no easy feat. It’s worse when you have to keep eye contact with your co-star and fake sexual gratification because the shot calls for it.

Hoseok waves at you from the other side of the room, the hair and makeup artist dusting some powder across the slope of his nose.

How can he look so relaxed?! You’re barely holding your lunch down. Honestly, it’s a miracle you’re able to now tat the butterflies are back in full force, making a mess of your stomach.

You feel queasy but try not to make it too obvious even as Seokjin comes around to check up on you. The last thing you want to do is make a scene, especially when your onscreen counterpart's demeanor is making you look amateurish in comparison.

Maybe Hoseok is a better actor than you’re able to give most porn stars credit for because try as you might, you fail to detect any nervous undercurrent in his tone. For someone who is supposedly starring in his first major project, he doesn’t seem all too bothered about how it might play out.

How does he do it?! In all honesty, if Seokjin hadn’t informed you of his rookie status, you would be none the wiser.

There’s an ease with which he carries himself, a fluidity in his movements that belies no anxiety or awkwardness. Even from this distance you can tell that there’s never a hint of hesitation in his movements or speech; he doesn’t seem self-conscious in the least. He talks and moves with the assurance of someone who has been in the industry for months, not weeks.

In that moment you envy him. You’re so nervous about the upcoming scene that it’s hard to feign an air of professional detachment.

His boisterous laugh is loud enough to carry across the room and interrupt your line of thought. When you look over at him again, you find him folded in half, hands clutching his sides, and wearing a grin so bright it eclipses the entirety of his face.

“He seems nice.”

You jump, startled by Jimin’s sudden appearance. You hadn’t even heard him draw near. With a sheepish expression, you turn to look up at him only to find him already staring off into the distance. There’s a strange look painting his face, and a small crease in his brow that usually isn’t present. When you follow his line of sight, you’re met with the image of Hoseok talking animatedly to the the small crowd that’s flocked around him.

“Yeah.” You aren’t sure what else to say. Although there’s no sarcasm attached to his words, you can’t help but find Jimin unnaturally tense.

Which makes sense, you concede guiltily. A mere stranger is minutes away from dicking down his girlfriend. You’re not sure how you’d feel if you were to stand in his shoes.

You breathe in deep, silently willing away the knot of distress in your belly. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. It’s just a job. A profession that Jimin has always been fully aware of, even before you’d begun dating.

Even as you remind yourself of the facts, it does little to dispel the lingering feelings of doubt and guilt.

“Hey.” Jimin frowns at you in concern. “You alright?”

“Yep!” you say then immediately sigh, knowing that lying to your boyfriend is pointless. “I’m just a bit nervous.”

“Nervous?” Jimin’s worry grows, the crease in his brow deepening. “What about?”

“Just—” You gesture around with your hands. “All of this.”

“Oh.” He looks genuinely surprised. “But you don’t usually get nervous... Is it the impregnation thing you’ll have to do? I know you’ve said you’re not a big fan of that. Or... Is it something else?”

“I don’t know,” you answer truthfully. It’s a bit of everything yet at the same time nothing you can clearly pinpoint and put a finger on. In all logic, you know that you’re feeling disproportionately stressed out but you can’t stop yourself from feeling how you feel. “It’s not that I don’t want to film. I just - I’m worried I won’t do well.”

Jimin takes your hand between his, running a thumb in soothing circles across the surface of your skin. He repeats the motion several times until your heartbeat is completely synced to his touch.

“You’ll do great. You always do.” The lines of his mouth bend into a smile. “I’ll be on the sidelines cheering you on.”

“My very own cheerleader.” You allow yourself to relax and and smile back fondly.

As much as you worry about Jimin being upset with you filming sex scenes with other actors, he’s never been anything less than the supporting boyfriend you’ve always dreamed of. Seokjin calls Jimin’s constant presence on set maddening, but you’re thankful that your boyfriend sticks by your side while others might flee or shame you.

Suddenly, you’re overcome with emotion. Maybe it’s the stress, or maybe today you’re more hormonal than usual, but your eyes threaten to well up as you grip his palm tightly in your own. “Jimin, I—”

“Okay, lovebirds!” Seokjin claps his hands once, effectively ruining your moment. “Hand-holding time is over. We’re moving onto the more R-rated stuff.”

“Seokjin!” you hiss, upset over his horrible timing.

“It’s fine.” Jimin shakes his head. “He’s right, shoot’s about to start anytime soon. I need to get ready, too.”

“Right.”

Reluctantly, you let go of Jimin’s hand.

“Don’t pout.” He laughs and presses a quick, chaste kiss to your mouth. “I’ll wait for you after filming and we can go grab dinner. Italian sound fine?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” You bob your head eagerly. “I’m literally dying for carbs. Italian sounds more than perfect.”

“Good.” 

You can’t resist sneaking in one last peck before Jimin retreats behind the cameras and you’re pulled to stand in front of a granite kitchen tabletop. Director Ryu is waiting for you, Hoseok already by his side.

From close-up, your co-star looks even more striking. The make-up artist’s work highlights his features without going overboard. The lines of his face are sharp, like every single one has been meticulously drawn. What usually would give someone a hostile and unapproachable impression is balanced out by the liveliness that lights up his eyes and his wide smile that looks almost too big for his face.

“It’ll start in the kitchen and then we’ll work out way to the bedroom.” Director Ryu points down the hallway. “I was thinking of keeping it all in the bedroom but nothing screams domesticity more than kitchen scenes, right?”

“Uh-huh.” You give a polite nod. Next to you, Hoseok coughs into his fist.

“Depending on how this goes we might have to take several takes - just keep that in mind.”

That’s nothing out of the ordinary. Sex scenes are never filmed in one take. There’s always one thing or another - a smoke break, a flaccid dick, a lighting fixture that needs to be changed. A 45 minute porn movie is the result of the editing team that painstakingly goes through, cuts and assembles hours of footage.

“Remember,” Director Ryu instructs, one hand cocked on his hips. “You’re still stuck in that honeymoon phase. All the two of you want to do is fuck like horny bunnies but your husband’s been away all day. Both of you have been waiting for this reunion for hours and hours. I want to feel that level of tension, got it?”

Hoseok nods like a dutiful student, his expression comically serious. You’d laugh if it wasn’t so inappropriate.

“Yep. Ok. Got it.”

You just want the director to stop talking so that you can get this over with quickly. The monologue is just delaying the inevitable.

Director Ryu spends extra minutes setting up the scene, emphasizing how in love and passionate the two of you should behave, describing how long you’ve been wanting to try for a baby, going into explicit detail about what the sex scenes should convey to the viewers. He just goes on and on and on with no end it sight.

At this point even Hoseok is growing restless. His feet refuse to stay still and his eyes dart around the room as if his attention is drawn elsewhere. It’s Hoseok’s constant fidgeting that draws Director Ryu out of his monologue. He finally senses that there’s a unanimous decision to start filming and retires behind the camera to settle himself in his appointed chair.

Hoseok shares a long look with you. “Is he always like that?”

“God, I hope not.” You lower your voice to whisper, “Seokjin - my agent - he says apparently Director Ryu wanted to make a career off of documentaries once he graduated from film school but quickly switched genres once he saw how little filming the mating habits of koalas was earning him.”

“Ah,” Hoseok nods conspiratorially before his features shift into something more serious. “Hey. Before we start, is there anything you’re not comfortable with? I know this scene is supposed to lean towards vanilla but you never know... I’d rather make sure. Just in case.”

You blink, taken aback. Hard limits aren’t really discussed outside of hardcore scenes. Sure, everyone is given a safeword before shoots begin but even screaming out “STOP!” or “Can we take a break from filming?” is enough to put the filmed scene on hold.

“Ah... No. I’m okay. But thanks for asking.” A moment passes and you add, “Is there - are there any words or kinks that bother you?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “Not for this one. Just - if there’s anything you’d rather me not say or do, don’t hesitate.”

You nod in reply, not sure of what else to say. Unfortunately your past experiences with men have made you suspicious of any form of flattery or kindness.

Soon, though, you relax. What reason is there for Hoseok to deceive you? Maybe he still has that rookie mindset. You can relate to the eagerness and the desire to do well you’d had in your early days of filming.

“Alright. Good luck, Hoseok.”

His smile is so bright that it erases your previous doubts. Surely someone with ill-intentions wouldn’t be able to smile like that, right? You return a tentative smile of your own. Something akin to understanding seems to pass between you. Although you don’t know Hoseok and he doesn’t know you, you trust him enough for this scene.

The moment is broken when Director Ryu directs Hoseok to wait outside the camera’s line of vision and you’re left alone in front of the kitchen stove.

Any moment now, you think. A telltale silence falls over the staff members as they all anticipate the director’s signal for the scene to start.

The first few seconds are always tricky. You’re no actress. There’s no switch inside of you that flips on and off as soon as the director commands “ACTION!” and “CUT!”. The world around you doesn’t fade out, your ‘porn star persona’ doesn’t claw its way out from within you and lunge for the nearest available dick. Sometimes, if you’re not attracted to your onscreen partner, you find your mind drifting off, making an inventory of your fridge and wondering what you’ll be able to cook up for dinner with two eggs and leftover rice.

When Director Ryu shouts “ACTION!” and slams down the plate, you freeze up. Usually you have an idea of what to say or do, but the words and actions won’t come to you this time.

Someone behind the cameras lets out a light cough. Oh right, you blink down at the simmering pot of water in front of you. The cameras are recording you making an utter fool out of yourself.

The spike of humiliation forces you into action. You’re more professional than this, damn it. You give the water a tentative stir, movements wooden and stiff. It’s hard to concentrate. All you can do is watch as the water simmers to a boil, the sound of bubbling water like a roaring current in your ears.

A door creaks open, signalling your onscreen husband’s return home.

To your horror, you find that you’re unable to move, as if your limbs had forgotten their primary function.

Before the scene had started, you had envisioned yourself throwing yourself into the arms of your loving husband and welcoming him home with a shower of kisses and words of affection. You had internally rehearsed it, had even thought of what you could say to him between pecks, but the reality is far removed from what you had practiced.

“Darling?” Hoseok’s voice is soft but loud enough for you to hear him over the angry sounds of boiling water. The vowels he uses are rounded, different from the bright pep in his tone from earlier. 

You want to respond but your tongue feels like lead, too heavy in your mouth to articulate and form the proper reply. What are you supposed to call him, anyway? Honey? Hoseok? A nickname derived from his name? What do newlywed spouses call each other? Why couldn’t you give this more thought before the cameras began rolling?

Panic balloons inside you, threatening to burst. For a terrifying and mortifying second, you think that you’ve gone and ruined everything. The muscles in your shoulders bunch up and you half-expect the director to shout ‘CUT!’, give you a public scolding for missing your cue and berate you for your overall ineptitude.

Hoseok’s arms wrap around your middle before you have time to agonize any further. Just as you suspected, his arms are strong, the lean muscles flexing as he readjusts his hold around your waist. What you don’t expect, however, is the unadulterated warmth he radiates. His body burns hot; even through the layers of clothing separating the two of you, his warmth seeps through. But it’s strangely comfortable, not unlike basking in the afternoon sun during the last days of summer. You let yourself melt into his embrace.

“You’re not even going to say hi?”

With your back turned to him, you can’t be sure, but you imagine the pout playing at his lips. He tucks his chin in the crook of your shoulder. If he feels any awkwardness, he doesn’t let it show.

Miraculously, your mouth seems to be in working order again. It takes you a few seconds too long to find the appropriate answer, but it finally comes before the director can cut in to make any remarks.

“If I turn around right now, I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you,” you explain. “And - I don’t want to ruin our dinner.”

Just to keep up the pretense, you add a handful of spaghetti into the pot of water.

Hoseok lets out a hum from behind you. He’s standing close enough for you to feel the vibrations low in his throat.

“I hate it,” he says after a stretch of silence.

You pout. “What? My cooking? What’s wrong with it?”

“No, silly. I hate -” he sighs, buries his face in your neck before looking back up so the camera can capture his expression. “I hate not being with you. I missed this.”

He hugs you from behind before kissing your neck. It starts off innocuous - his lips pressing short, chaste kisses down the column of your throat. Quickly, however, his mouth lingers on your skin.

“Ah - don’t. I’m cooking!” you shriek when his teeth scrape over a sensitive spot under your jaw. Your protests are half-hearted and go by unacknowledged. The pot of pasta could overflow right now and no one would care, least of all you.

Hoseok noses your neck while he tightening his grip around your waist, the movement bringing his hips flush against your lower back. You give the pot in front of you a very unenthusiastic stir, attention focused instead on the way his lips tenderly skim the surface of your skin, testing and teasing. The sensation feels nice - and keeps your mind off of the several cameras directed your way.

“But I went all day missing my princess,” he sighs, open mouthed against your neck. “Spent all day thinking about you.”

“Y-you did?”

“Mhm.” He gives your exposed shoulder a peck. Then another. “Thought about your cute little laugh.”

His line catches you off guard. Your mouth opens but no sound comes out.

Porn is often crude and to the point. You’re used to men complimenting your body parts or praising your skills in bed. You’d never minded, either. But Hoseok’s choice of words make you eager in a different way.

“What else?”

“Well, your cooking, for sure. Without you I’d be eating out of ramyeon packets for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

You let out a snort.

“That’s true. Your cooking is so horrible it’s offensive.”

“Hey now. Don’t be mean.” He pokes your cheek before pinching your chin to turn your head towards him. “I can cook a decent omelet.”

Hoseok’s a good few inches taller than you so you have to strain your neck to be able to look him in the eyes. The slight discomfort barely registers. You’re too transfixed by the way he stares at you. It’s hard to place the expression because you’ve never seen it on a fellow actor before. Normally, the men you work with stare you down with hungry and lustful intent, but there’s none of that in Hoseok’s gaze.

The expression on his face cannot be described as innocent, either. He licks his lips, drawing your attention to the pretty lines of his mouth delicately curved into a smile.

“I missed the way you feel in my arms.” His voice sounds deeper, this time. “I missed holding you close to me. Kissing you. Reminding you how much I love you. I missed the look in your eyes when - “

“When?”

He smirks. “You sure you want to hear it? What if you can’t keep your hands off of me after? I don’t want to be held responsible for soggy pasta.”

“Hoseok,” you whine, one of your hands reaching down to slap at the hold around your stomach. 

He tightens his hold around you and your breath hitches, suddenly all too aware of how firm his body feels behind you. The smirk on his face widens as he leans forward to confess his next words.

“I was thinking about how I miss the look on your face whenever I make your pussy sloppy with my cum.”

“Hoseok!”

One moment he’s crooning sweet words of affection, the next he’s spitting out filth. The quick back-and-forth gives you whiplash but you can’t say you dislike it. Unlike the tired and overused clichéd porn scenarios you’ve filmed in the past, Hoseok’s unpredictable behavior has the advantage of keeping you on your toes.

“You missed it too, hm?” He kisses your neck, lips soft and warm. “Kept thinking about how pretty you sound. So, so pretty. Especially when I give you what you want.”

“How would you know what I want?” You turn your head forwards so you can pretend to check up on the cooking pasta. “You were away all day.”

Hoseok’s eyes flash dangerously.

“How would I know?” he parrots back, his tone sweet and mocking. Something about it sends tingles down your spine and has you standing up straighter. “I always know what my pretty wife wants. I know because your body can’t lie to me.”

His hands wander, one of them inching up the material of your frilly apron to reach between your breasts. The movement is slow enough for a camera to zoom in and follow its trail. Hoseok rests his hand on your left breast and gives it a squeeze.

“See?” He repeats the action. “Your heart’s racing like crazy.”

You swallow audibly, finding it hard to come up with a witty riposte.

He continues with a chuckle, “You can’t deny it, can you? Your body’s too honest for your own good. It’s okay. You don’t have to say you missed me. I know.”

His self-assured way of talking makes it easier for you to react. This - the cockiness, the playfulness - you’re familiar with.

You roll your eyes and continue to give the pot in front of you a few additional stirs only for your breath to hitch when he starts to grind his hips against your lower back in time with your stirs.

Fuck is your only coherent thought. He rolls his hips so well it’s impossible not to imagine them doing something else. Your bottom lip grows numb from how hard you bite it.

“Of course I missed you.” You keep your tone as light as possible, determined not to show that his words and actions affect you.

Hoseok’s eyes narrow. He removes his hands from around you but keeps his front pressed against your back. He smiles again, dimples poking through.

“You don’t sound convinced... That’s fine.” It sounds like the beginning of a challenge and you soon learn why.

His nimble fingers play with the knot of your apron and you tense, expecting him to make quick work of your clothes and dive straight into dessert, so to speak. Once again, he surprises you by leaving the apron alone, hands falling to his sides.

His knees hit the floor, the noise startling you. Before you have the chance to truly react, he’s quick to pull your hips backwards until your back is arched. The sudden change in position forces you to adjust your stance so as to keep your balance.

“Hoseok?” you start to question but he cuts you off with a tut and light smack to your ass.

“You just keep your eye on dinner like you were doing before.” His fingers play with the hem of your short dress, stretching the fabric until it bunches up around your hips and leaves your lacy thong on display. “You can do that, right?”

Flustered by the position he’s maneuvered you into, with your hips thrust back obscenely, legs splayed wide and pussy on show, you grip the wooden spoon in your hand with more force than necessary. “It’s just pasta. I can manage.”

Maybe you sound less indifferent than intended because Hoseok seems more amused than offended by your feinted nonchalance. He barks out a laugh, his hands spreading the meat of your cheeks aside to get a better view of your lace-covered bits.

Privately, you wish you could witness his reaction. If there’s anything that turns you on, it’s knowing how much someone else wants you. If feels good to know that you’re wanted and desired. Even if fucking is part of your job description, the act needs to be mutually enjoyable for you to be completely satisfied.

“Sure.” The lilt in his voice is so sweet that it borders on condescending. “While you do that, I think I’ll have my appetizer.”

It’s corny, overused and a little degrading - exactly the type of one-liner you’d ordinarily find in porn - but he gives you no time to call him out for it. As soon as he’s done talking, he wags his tongue out and drags it across the red lace, and the repeated up and down motions quickly dampen your panties.

You notice with great frustration that he takes care to avoid your clit, focusing instead on licking broad stripes over slit and, to your surprise, around your rim.  He doesn’t stop until your underwear drips with the accumulation of your essence and his saliva. The soaked lace rubs against you, the rough texture adding pressure to your most sensitive zones, until you can’t tell if the extra sensation is a blessing or a curse. Your hips jerk forward every so often, unsure if you’d rather lean into or escape his torturous games. Because as amazing as Hoseok’s tongue feels, you know your body well enough to be able to tell that this particular tempo won’t bring you to your peak.

An appetizer, he had called it. That’s exactly what the teasing ministrations feel like - a small sampling before the main course. It’s satisfying and maddening in its own way. Good, but not enough to satisfy your ravenous appetite.

He unearths himself from your dripping core, chin shiny with your juices.

“Keep focus,” he instructs as he slots two fingers inside of you. You’re wet enough that they slide in without too much difficulty, the stretch making your stomach clench. “I thought you said you knew how to cook pasta.”

Against your will, you force yourself to focus on the bubbling water in front of you. As much as you want to push your hips back and ride his fingers until you’re pushed over the edge, you can’t take the humiliation of messing up pasta - even if it is for the sake of a porn scenario.

It’s fucking pasta! You have to be seriously inept to mess up such a simple dish...

But what should have been an effortless task becomes more challenging than expected. Hoseok refuses to go easy on you. If anything, your stubborn silence is all the motivation he needs to thrust his fingers inside of you harder, curving them at an angle that makes your knees wobble. You struggle to keep any incriminating noises at bay but despite your best efforts, several muffled moans slip out one after the other.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, the logical side of you points out how dangerous all of this is. What if, during your impending orgasm, your body seizes up and knocks the boiling water everywhere during the process? You quickly switch off the gas stove at the thought. Better be safe than sorry.

Just then, Hoseok adds his tongue to the mix, his fingers relentless in their pursuit of your pleasure. You bite back a curse as the wooden spoon slips from your hold and clatters to the floor.

“Ah fu - Oh God,” you stutter, hands holding on to the edge of the counter for dear life.

You’ve been eaten out God knows how many times in your life, but not many have instinctively known what really gets you going. Hoseok laps at your core, tongue collecting the moisture that seeps through the fabric of your ruined panties, while his fingers scissor you open for his cock.

Your stomach clenches as you imagine how well he’d fill you up. Who the hell would ever want pasta for dinner when Hoseok could feed you his cock instead? Definitely not you, that’s for sure.

It’s easy to picture it. All he’d need to do is stand up, unzip his pants and spear you open with a practiced roll of his hips. Maybe he’d make you toss a salad while he fucks you from behind, slapping your ass whenever you forget to keep stirring the ingredients together. Or perhaps he’d let you ride his dick on the kitchen floor, too impatient to make it to a more comfortable surface.

Your imagination knows no bounds. Once you start, you can’t stop thinking of more lascivious scenarios, each one more daring and debauched than the last. The heat between your legs becomes unbearable and still, you ache for more.

Hoseok pulls away from the apex of your thighs and snorts, the sound pulling you out of your depraved thoughts. The pace of his thrusting slows down without stopping completely, his fingers still pressed deep within you. Your arms tremble as they try to keep you upright, knuckles white from the strength of your grip around the counter’s edge. You exhale shakily.

A whine works its way into your voice. “Why - why’d you stop?”

Ignoring your protests, he pops his fingers out of you and indulges in one last lick of your swollen pussy, before gathering to his feet. He rolls down your dress back over your bum and peers over your shoulder, acting as nothing had ever happened.

“Thought you said you’d take care of dinner, hm?” Hoseok has the gall to hum in disappointment.

Your mouth opens in outrage. “You!”

Hoseok pouts. “I thought we said you wouldn’t blame me for any soggy pasta.”

“You’re impossible,” you say without any real heat to your words.

“But you love me that way.”

He smiles as he leans in to kiss you, lips sticky and warm. You follow the pace he sets as best you can, unaccustomed to the way he takes his time - like you’re a delicacy that demands to be savored and not gulped down. On-screen kisses are usually rushed, messy, with too much tongue. They’re a scripted affair, more for show than out of real affection. When men tuck back your hair behind your ear or palm your cheek, it’s only to better angle your face for the camera.

There is something intimate about the way he holds you, the way he looks at you. Inwardly, you can't help but admire his acting skills. There’s something tender about the way he handles you that’s distinctly different from any of your previous onscreen partners. Sure, you’ve shot vanilla sex scenes before, but never of this variety. None of the male actors’ performances have made you wish, even fleetingly, foolishly, that the scene was real.

Hoseok pulls up for air before your mind can wander off completely, his panting mouth a hairsbreadth away. Lips touching but not quite.

Blearily, you blink your eyes open. You’re close enough that your noses brush against one another, your breaths mingling together. Hoseok’s eyes remain closed throughout, like he doesn’t want the moment to end. He looks so content that you can’t bring yourself to do anything else but melt further into his embrace, gaze drinking in the minute details of his face - like the tiny moles dotting his cheekbone and upper lip and the pretty curve of his eyes.

“And cut!”

You both jump away from each other, startled. For a second there, the storyline you’d been instructed to follow had slipped from your mind. You’re unsure if the lapse in judgement is good or bad but you don’t let the question linger in your thoughts. You’ll have plenty of time to dissect your performance at a later time.

“Good, good. That wasn’t what I was expecting but I don’t think anyone has any objections?” Director Ryu claps his hands. “Fifteen minute break sound good everyone? Then we’ll relocate to the bedroom to shoot the next part.”

There’s a general hum of agreement from the crew members. Chairs and various other equipment scrape the floor as the personnel prepare to migrate to the other room for filming. Jimin’s gaze meets yours briefly but all he can do is smile weakly in your direction before he’s ordered to help push some of the equipment down the hall.

Someone comes up to you with a bottle of water while another steps closer to blot the beads of sweat near your hairline and reapply a layer of lipstick. The make-up artist knits her brows in concentration until she’s satisfied with the touch-ups. She then moves on to Hoseok, make-up palette and brush at the ready, and grumbles loudly about the sticky residue covering his face. You hear Hoseok bellow a laugh, the sound so infectious that even the make-up artist joins in. 

You sip your water through a straw, careful not to smudge your freshly applied lipstick, and check your phone for any missed messages.

“Was all of that okay?”

“Hm?” You look up and are surprised to see Hoseok stare at you expectantly. “I, uh, know some girls aren’t into ass play. I’m sorry. I should’ve asked before jumping the gun but I figured - since you said there wasn’t anything major you were adverse to filming...”

His voice trails off.

“I liked it.” The admission is an easy one. “It did take me by surprise, but - I don’t have any complaints.”

“Ah, really?” Hoseok’s mouth corners upturn in relief. “That’s good to know. I was thinking - for the next scene - what if - I mean, are you okay with calling me Daddy?”

You tilt your head as you mull over the proposition.

“Daddy?”

“It’s not - you don’t have to. But listening to Director Ryu go on earlier made me think of something we could do. I think it fits well with the general idea. What do you think?”

“I’m fine with it.” Using the title doesn’t make you squeamish so you shrug in compliance. It’s not the first you’ve had to incorporate a daddy kink into the scene and it likely won’t be the last. You don’t see why you wouldn’t or shouldn’t do it with Hoseok. “I’ll follow your lead like I’ve been doing.”

It’s only as you’re following him towards the bedroom that you recall that you’ve yet to get to the crux of the scene - the damned impregnation kink. Even though you’re considerably less nervous than you’d been an hour or two ago, the thought of begging someone you barely know for something so intimate makes your stomach flip-flop. You don’t even have unprotected sex with Jimin and he’s your boyfriend.

Speaking of Jimin, you try to sneak in a peck or two before filming but Director Ryu intercepts you before you can make a beeline to where Jimin’s stationed behind a camera.

“How are you feeling?” The overhead light reflects off his round glasses and makes it impossible to hold eye contact unless you want to become semi-permanently blind.

“Good---”

“Wonderful. Well, we’ve positioned cameras here, here, and over there. There’ll be another camera man who’ll film with a handheld camera for closeups. Just keep that in mind. I know we’re giving you free-range to do what you feel is best and most natural but I’d hate to ask you to re-shoot because the camera couldn’t capture the both of you properly.”

You nod and he continues, “Also - please remember that you’re acting as a horny young married couple. I remember at that age I was up for anything, you get what I’m saying? People think just because you put a ring on your finger the sex automatically becomes stale. Fuck that. Show people married couples are freaks in the sheet.”

“Uh... Alright. I’ll keep that in mind.”

He claps a hand over your shoulder. “That’s the spirit.”

Freaks in the sheet? What did he expect you to do? Try out all the sex positions in the Kama Sutra?

“What did he want now?” Hoseok leans over to whisper once you’re seated comfortably on the bed. You’re hoping the mics don’t pick up the conversation but would rather not take the risk of being overheard bad-mouthing the director.

Shrugging, you say, “Just that this scene should be spicier.”

Hoseok raises his brow, lips quirking into a smirk. “That so?”

The same cockiness you’d caught a glimpse of during your escapade in the kitchen is back and the memory you associate it with makes the back of your neck prickle with heat. You clear your throat and avert your eyes.

Thankfully Director Ryu interrupts before Hoseok has the chance to fluster you further. You follow each of the director’s voiced directives until you’re comfortably seated on Hoseok’s lap, dress hitched around your waist because of how far your knees are spread on either side of Hoseok’s thighs. There’s a quick, last minute adjustment as Director Ryu ensures that the camera in the left corner picks up on everything it’s supposed to.

Satisfied, he lets you take the reins from there, then gives the cameras the signal to begin rolling.

You don’t waste a moment, taking his earlier commentary to heart. It’s your turn to pepper kisses all over Hoseok’s golden skin, leaving faint traces of rouge behind like an artist signing their own painting. You stop a few times to admire your work. Lip prints and lavender bite marks color his skin and the sight awakens a possessive streak you didn’t know you had.

Your enthusiasm to mark him up gets a little out of hand.

"Mhm." Hoseok grunts when you lick over a sensitive spot under his jaw. "Slow down, princess. There's no rush. We have all night."

He cups his chin between his hands so you have no choice but to relent and direct your gaze up at him. You’re pleased to see that he’s not completely indifferent to your touch; despite his instructions to take it slow, the smoldering look in his eyes tell a different story.

He runs the pad of his thumb over your lower lip, the pink flesh no doubt swollen. You take the digit in your mouth, unprompted, and run your tongue against its underside, wishing that his cock could fill your mouth instead.

Hoseok makes a noise low in his throat, not quite a growl but close.

"And I intend to take my time with you." The look he levels you with promises a night full of mind-numbing pleasure. Ribbons of heat curl around the base of your spine. "Want to make you feel good."

"You do," you agree, words muffled around the thumb you refuse to let go of.

You take a hold of his wrist and free your mouth, only to quickly replace it with his forefinger and middle finger. The stretch of two digits makes you moan lewdly.

Hoseok’s eyes darken. He lets you play for a few more seconds before he takes back control, his fingers pushing deeper into your mouth until they hit the back of your throat. You swallow down a gag, but his fingers don’t let you rest for long. He drags them over the flat of your tongue, watching as spit dribbles down past the sides of your mouth, and repeats the motion, pumping into your mouth steadily like he would a cock.

As nice as it feels to be filled with his fingers, whether in your cunt or mouth, you’re ready for more. Subconsciously, your hips grind down in his lap, shifting this way and that until you’re perfectly seated over his hardened length.

Drool is pushed out of your mouth as Hoseok squeezes a third fingers in with the other two. You suck harder, hoping that all your efforts will spur Hoseok into finally fucking you. The knowledge that he has to, at one point or another, keeps you from whining and begging pathetically for his cock. You can exercise patience if you put your mind to it; you’re sure of it. 

Your on-screen husband decides to test that resolve.

His other hand starts to wander south, his fingers toying with the short hem of your dress that’s been rucked up even higher with all your rocking and grinding. The movement of your hips slow, your brain unable to keep up with the stimuli coming in all directions.

A crack resounds in the room, the sharp sound startling you more than the sting that accompanies it. Hoseok’s palm rubs over the heated area, only inflaming it further.

“And who told you you could stop?”

The second slap is notably harsher than the first, and your hips automatically lurch forward hoping perhaps to lessen the impact of the sting.

You know he doesn’t expect a verbal answer; his second hand keeps your mouth plugged up, making any attempt at talking unintelligible. It doesn’t stop you from trying, only because you know the muffled protest are greatly appreciated amongst viewers. And if the way Hoseok’s digs his fingers into your smarting ass cheek is any indicator, you’re confident that he also enjoys your squirming and messy display.

“Keep moving, princess. I need both your holes nice and wet.”

The way his voice dips an octave makes your stomach twist in arousal. You long to tell him that you’re sufficiently wet enough for him to slide his cock inside right away but all you manage are pitiful garbled words.

He raises an eyebrow at your delayed response and your hips move before he can smack the globes of your ass for a third time. You have an inkling he’ll only hit harder with the intention of leaving marks of his own all over your skin.

It’s a careful balancing act, but you figure it out as you go. Bounce too fast and the fingers in your mouth will make you gag. Move too slowly for his liking and he won’t hesitate to add to the collection of handprints on your ass.

You lose track of how long he makes you play this game. Your mind focuses on sucking while keeping your jaw slack enough to accomadate the width of three digits. Drool pools down your chin, and you’re certain whatever the make-up artist had done to your lips is now ruined. Worse off are your panties. At the stage they’re at now, you’ll have no choice but to throw them out. Hoseok’s pants might need be as unsalveagable as your thong, you think inwardly, judging by the large, dark wet spot you’re currently sitting on.

“Mmh, good girl.” 

He gently slides his fingers out, strings of saliva attached. He hums in satisfaction at the lewd sight and rubs his fingers across your swollen lips and shiny chin, spreading the fluids and what’s left of your lipstick over your mouth. You swallow, mouth sore from being used roughly for so long.

“This hole is sufficiently wet, I think,” he appraises, eyelashes fluttering before he casts a long look down your body until it reaches where you’re seated on his clothed erection. “Let’s check this one too.”

The way he smirks at you but makes no move to check himself lets you know that he expects you to do the work.

You let your hands trail down your body slowly, cupping your breasts as you do, enjoying his hooded gaze and the way his cock twitches beneath you a bit too much. When you reach the hem of your dress, you lift your hips up to pull the fabric up to your navel giving an unobstructed view of your lace-covered pussy.

Hoseok stare intensifies but you don’t feel any embarrassment from the scrutiny. “Well you certainly look ripe.”

His fingers toy with the delicate string of lace around your hips. He lets the material snap against your skin a few times before he grows bored or impatient with his own game and gives the lace a harsh yank. It tears easily and the leftover scraps fall into his lap.

“... But just to be sure -” His hands grip your waist and manhandle you onto your hands and knees. Your head spins from how suddenly he’s moved you around to his liking that your arms give out and you fall face first into the clean smelling bed sheets. “Gotta give my favorite hole of yours a better look.”

His hands hoist your hips at a higher angle so that your soaked center is visible for the cameras to pan onto. Hoseok slides in two fingers easily, then a third. Loud, obscene noises echo in the otherwise quiet room, noises that are quickly joined by your unabashed moans of pleasure.

Your core is on fire. Hoseok’s fingers are just as good as you remember them to be. No, better. The three fingers pump into you in measured strokes, the drag slow enough to keep you dangling over the edge without pushing you over.

Hoseok spanks your ass, hissing between his teeth as you clench around his fingers, no doubt imagining your inner walls hugging his cock instead. 

“Christ. You’re always such a soft, wet little thing down here,” he croons in dulcet tones. “I could play with you all day.”

You thrust your hips back, shameless.

“Please! Please Daddy, I’ll be so good, I just - please - I nuh, need it. Need your cock fucking me full. I’ll take it so good, you know I will. Want you to - please! Daddy, I need your cum.”

“Shit.”

He fumbles in his haste to flip you onto your back. He crawls over your body, and you watch fascinated as he dives down to kiss you like a man starved. He looks almost feral, pupils so dilated the brown of his eyes is almost gone.

Heat blooms in your stomach as he kisses you deeply. The press of his lips against yours renders you a little less coherent as time ticks on, every brush of his tongue making you a little more dizzy with want.

Everything about him burns. It feels like being kissed by the sun itself. Every caress, every lick and nip leaves you feverish all over, like your drunk off his touch.

"Let me," he says, pinching the zipper of your dress between his thumb and index finger.

You wrap your hand around his and guide his movements. His gaze never leaves yours and it makes shivers run down your back. Even though you're the one controlling his movements for the time being, the look in his eyes makes it abundantly clear that the control you wield is only temporary.

When your dress finally falls open, you try not to preen too much under the reverent look that falls over Hoseok’s face. Your back arches a little off the bed, pert breasts thrust towards him - an appealing offer he doesn’t dare refuse.

Hoseok circles a thumb around your nipple, rubbing and flicking until it hardens into a stiff peak.

You wonder, distantly, how this looks like from the outside looking in. The man in front of you is a stranger in all senses of the word. Yet the way he touches you - like there are years of built-up affection behind every gesture - makes you second guess everything you know.

"Fuckin' love your tits.” He sighs, awe reflected in the dark of his eyes. "Love playing with them. Love how wet it gets you, how hungry your little pussy gets."

"Please,” you mewl, his words igniting a new wave of heat. It rolls over your body, leaving no extremity untouched. You burn from the inside out with raw desire.

You squeeze your own breasts in a bid to get him to touch you more. Hoseok merely chuckles, finding your desperation entertaining. One of his hands reach down between you to play with the wetness that clings to your core like a second skin and it takes everything inside of you not to rub yourself against him like a bitch in heat.

"What is it, princess?" His lips quirk into a smirk like he already knows the answer. "You're looking quite needy. How did you manage to hold it in all this time?"

“Stop teasing,” you growl, the lack of friction making you irritable. "I need your cock. And why - why do you have so many fucking clothes on?”

He chuckles, chest vibrating in amusement.

“Take them off,” you insist. Then, you grudgingly tack on a “Please” for good measure.

As hot as Hoseok looks like in his “work clothes”, he looks infinitely better naked, you decide as he chucks off his button-down shirt and gets started on his leather belt. With each new piece of clothing that gets discarded, the anticipation building inside of you skyrockets.

You take a moment to soak in his lithe figure, not bothering to hide how affected you are by the view. He’s nicely sculpted; you can tell right away that he takes care of himself. Swimming or dancing maybe? You hesitate between the two. His muscles are lean, nothing like the bulging biceps and thick forearms typical of the stereotypical gym rat.

Hoseok’s dick is, unsurprisingly, as pretty as the rest of him. It’s long and curved, a prominent vein running along its underside. The thatch of pubic hair that rests above his dick is neatly trimmed, the dark hair contrasting with the tan skin of his abdomen and the rosy hue of his erect length. Your eyes swoop down his thighs, licking your lips unwittingly at the alluring sight presented to you.

“Daddy,” you say, the whine in your voice unmistakable. “Want your cock.”

For a brief moment you’re tricked into believing he’s given in to your demand, but find yourself disappointed when he contents himself with rubbing his hardened member between your thighs, the glide slippery thanks to the copious amount of your essence that’s pooled there.

“Like this?” Hoseok asks, tone too sweet to be anything but mocking. The head of his cock bumps into your swollen bundle of nerves one, two, three times. You keen, your hips canting upwards in a bid to get more friction. “Want to rut against me until you get nice and creamy?”

He uses his right hand to spread your slick lower lips so that he can nestle his cock snuggly between them. He rolls his hips, the undulations fluid and dirty, and smirks at how you moan brokenly beneath him.

Your stomach clenches. “Need it in me."

"You'll get it," he promises after kissing you sloppily, lips sucking on your tongue. His breath is ragged but his voice steady, firm. "I'll give you everything you need. Make you cum so many times you know who owns this sweet pussy."

He speaks so surely, carries himself with so much confidence, that in the moment you can't help but believe him. The line between staged and reality blurs and you find yourself nodding eagerly, begging him as best you can to give you what you want.

The first tentative push of his dick wipes you clean of coherency. He slowly eases himself into you, reaching forward to lace his fingers with yours. It’s - more intimate than you expected. He squeezes your hand tightly in his when he finally manages to bury his entire length inside of you.

“Perfect.” He kisses the side of your temple before drawing back, his hard cock dragging deliciously against you. With a fluid hip thrust, he slides back in and you feel the stretch moreso this time around. The curvature of his cock has him pressing up against your walls in a way that robs you of breath.

"Daddy! Hh - ah, oh God. You're too b-big."

"Mhm, that's right. Daddy's fat cock is splitting you open. I'll plug you up with it later so none of my cum will leak out."

Every time he pulls back, your pussy clamps down tightly around him, unwilling to be empty even for a second.

Hoseok’s nostrils flare in arousal. He grabs your left tit and squeezes, using it as a hold to better fuck into you. With his body hovering above yours, his hand staking claim of your breast, and his cock drilling into you, you have nowhere to go. Pinned to the bed and unable to do anything but take everything he delivers, you wrap your legs around his waist and moan.

"Daddy's gonna fuck some babies into you,” he rasps, his eyes dark pools of lust. "Gonna breed your sweet pussy over and over. You'll be so full of my cum that you'll be pregnant with my babies for sure."

“Oh fuck. Yes, yes - oh my nhhg.” You sob as Hoseok drives his cock into you with more force. While the piston of his hips isn’t rushed, he pulls out to the tip only to slam back in to the hilt every time. The stretch burns in a good way and the sound of your moans are rivaled only by the wet, obscene sounds from your coupling.

"Fuck. Your cunt just - shit." He cracks down a hand against your ass and you shriek, not expecting it. "You're so tight, holy shit."

"Want it. Want you to fuck me good."

"I will," he says lowly, the promise reverberating deep in his chest. "I'll fuck you until you're begging me to stop. Fill you up so much, you'll be bloated with it."

And it should freak you out, the imagery he paints with his words, but the thought of laying there and him fucking you so well that you won't be able to feel your legs has you gushing out more wetness.

"Mmmh.” Maybe he can feel how soaked you are because he comments, “This is my favorite hole of yours, princess. Always so fuckin' drenched. I bet we’ll have to throw out the sheets again." He chuckles. "You must be hungry for it, right? I made you wait so long. No wonder your pussy is clenching like that. It needs a big, fat cock to milk dry."

“I missed it,” you cry, body skidding a little higher up the duvet each time he fucks into you. Your eyelashes flutter, lids heavy. It’s hard to concentrate, let alone form words, when your brain feels like complete mush. “I - I need your cum. Daddy, please.”

"Don't worry, gorgeous. I've got you. Daddy will feed your cute pussy his cock."

"Th-thank you, Daddy."

"Love you," he murmurs. It’s a quiet confession, lost somewhere in between the mattress creaks, the loud slaps of Hoseok’s hips slamming against yours, and the string of whimpers and groans pulled from your throat. It’s quiet but you hear it.

One of your hands reach up to pull him down by the neck so that your lips meet. He kisses you open-mouthed. It’s a filthy kiss, one that makes you moan into his mouth. You’re certain that if you had been standing your knees would have wobbled.

When you let up for air, Hoseok’s staring you down, his red-bitten lips plump and shiny.

"Love this pussy. So sweet and wet for me. Always for fucking swollen, like it's waiting to get a pounding. Love that. Love how eager you are to be bred by my thick cock."

The impregnation kink is - a bit much. You've never really imagined having kids, at least not anytime soon. You can’t even keep your plants alive for fuck’s sake.

But the way he suggests it is nothing like what you had imagined. His suggestions are - vulgar and primal. Like the urge to fuck you full of his cum is biological and he can’t smother it.

For a moment, you let yourself entertain the thought of being his breeding bitch - of laying on your back and letting him fuck load after load of cum inside you until your pussy physically can't accommodate any more. Of not having any other worries or thoughts but take his cock every moment of the day.

"You just got tighter.” He curses under his breath, voice thick with arousal.  "Such a warm little hole. Taking everything I give it. You'd take anything if it meant getting bred by me, right?"

“Yes, yes,” you chant, pleasure coiling inside of you. “Give me more! I need it."

"Shit. You can't handle more, princess," he tries to reason. "Daddy needs to be gentle with you. Your hole is so small, it'll hurt if I go harder."

"Daddy promised to fuck me.” You whine, uncaring if you sound too bratty and demanding. "B- Breed my hole. It's yours. Puh-please use me."

"God." Hoseok groans, his features twisting in what looks to be pain or pleasure. With tremendous effort he pulls himself out of you and your eyes widen in panic.

“What? Daddy why? I thought—”

He shushes you, reaching somewhere overhead to grab a fluffy pillow. "Just wait a sec, okay? There you go.”

The pillow is placed underneath your hips, keeping them elevated. When Hoseok takes his glistening cock in hand and directs it back in, you both moan in unison.

"Oh fuck, I’m gonna, ah,” you gasp as your mind goes blank with pleasure. The new angle is heaven on earth. It’s almost too much, too quick, but Hoseok’s firm grip on your hips prevents you from alleviating the pressure.

"Take it." He grunts, brows knit together. Every powerful snap of his hips makes your breasts bounce, your breath hitch. Without his hands keeping you pinned down, your head would have collided with the headboard by now. "Be a good princess and take your fucking."

He gains momentum, the new angle facilitating the slide of his cock. He drags the flat of his palm down your thigh and takes a hold of your knee before hoisting it up over your shoulder. The stretch burns the back of your calves but you’re so fucked out, you can’t even find the words to complain.

When you glance up, it’s to fall upon the sight of Hoseok brushing his sweaty fringe out of his face. His cheeks are flushed pink, his skin dewy from the film of perspiration wrapped around his body. Beads of sweat trickle down his heaving chest but he chooses to forgo a quick break. On the contrary, he pushes in deeper like he’s determined to carve out a permanent space for his cock.

"Just gonna keep you here,” he huffs, his eyes the shade of cloudless night sky. “Everyday I'll fuck my cum back inside of you so that you'll always stay full. Want to fuck you forever. Don't want this to end."

"Want it too," you sob, orgasm hovering just on the periphery. "Want you to keep me full forever. Ugh - oh fuck! Hoseok- I'm—"

"You gonna cum around my cock, princess?" He angles his hips downwards, relishing in the wanton cry it elicits. "Gonna give me everything?"

"I'm yours," you profess, jaw slack with pleasure.

It doesn’t take much more for the orgasm to crash over you, Hoseok fucks you through it, groaning as your inner walls spasm around him. He breathes out curses, lip drawn tight between his lips, and doesn’t wait for the last waves of your orgasm to abate to chase after his own end.

In the throes of your pleasure, it doesn’t register then that Hoseok has been holding back all this time. If you thought he had been fucking you hard before, it’s nothing compared to now. He growls and bends forward, forcing your leg to stretch even more, and pushes in and out of you at a pace that makes you scream.

You don’t even have time to come down from your first high that you’re already thrown towards your second. Hoseok plugs your mouth up using two digits, his fingers a firm pressure against your tongue. Your eyes roll back, too overwhelmed from the feeling of being stuffed on both ends.

“God, I could fuck your holes all fucking day.” His rhythm begins to falter as the pressure inside of him grows, his movements frantic and less controlled than they’ve ever been. “How about that? I’ll fuck my princess’ mouth properly next time, stretch it out nicely. Then you’ll let me have your ass, hm?”

Shit, shit, you whimper around his fingers, spit bubbling down the sides on your mouth. It’s scary knowing you have no way to stop the oncoming destruction.

“Yeah, I can tell you love that. You’re gonna cream my dick again, aren’t you?” You can’t tell if the sound he makes is a laugh or a grunt. All you know is that you feel like you’re about to burst. “C’mon, be a good girl and milk my cum out. You better get every last drop.”

There’s an underlying threat in his command. You do your best to obey his words, not wanting to disappoint.

Hoseok pushes his cock in as deep as it can go and grinds his hips into yours. His cock reaches so deep that you swear he might hit your cervix. And considering the nature of the scene you’re portraying, maybe that’s what he intends.

He swipes his fingers through the mess of your cunt, zeroing in on your sensitive clit. He swirls some of your fluids over it before giving it a sharp pinch that makes you cry out. Your hips fly off the pillow but Hoseok is quick to pin you back down. The never-ending drag of his cock along your walls paired with the rough ministrations to your clit is all you need for the pressure inside you to snap.

Above you, Hoseok moans, low and throaty, as he finally dumps rope after rope of warm cum inside of you. He throws his head back, exposing the collar of purplish bruises you sucked onto his skin earlier. Something about the view satisfies you immensely - not that you’d dare voice these thoughts out loud.

Hoseok’s strength gives out and he sags onto your body, his breath warm against your skin. He feels hot, like a furnace, but strangely it’s not uncomfortable. It’s almost like having a personal heating pad; the soreness of your muscles melts away with each passing moment.

Much to your displeasure, your post-coital bliss doesn’t last forever. He's given the signal to pull out and obeys, careful to keep your hips propped up so that his load of cum won’t slosh out. He’s still got a role to play, after all, and the end goal is to get you pregnant.

A cameraman walks forward to zoom in on your swollen and used pussy - physical proof of your exploits. The haze lifts. You become more aware of the people standing on the outskirts of your vision, lighting or sound equipment in hand.

“And that’s a wrap!” Director Ryu calls, his cheeks stretched to accommodate the width of his grin. “Good job everybody!”

You breathe out a sigh, glad your day is finally over. Seokjin walks up to you with a robe for you to throw on and you nod in thanks, slipping the satin gown over your sweaty body.

Around you, the staff start milling about, putting the equipment away and gathering their belongings. You pay them no heed, your attention focused on getting changing into showering and changing into comfortable clothes. You’re in the middle of taming your messy hair when your stomach erupts into growls, reminding you of your hungry state. What you’d do for a big slice of piz—

You remember your date with Jimin and speed up, not wanting to make him wait around for you any longer. It’s not hard to spot him - he’s waiting outside of your dressing room, can of coke in hand.

Something about his smile feels off.

Maybe it’s the way his eye corners don’t crease or the slight strain the curve of his mouth that betray him.

Your expression falls. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing - it’s nothing, don’t worry,” he says after a short, tense moment of silence. The look on your face must have reflected your feelings of doubt because he proceeds by reaching out and pulling you tight against him. Pressed up against his shirt, you can smell the faintest trace of the fabric softener he uses and its scent, familiar and sweet, mollifies you somewhat. “You did amazing today, baby. As usual.”

The compliment you’ve been waiting for makes the sides of your lips rise automatically. “I did, didn’t I?”

“Almost too well.” He hums, one of his hands stroking the back of your head.

“Well, I can’t take all the credit, “ you admit. “The results wouldn’t have been half as good if Hoseok hadn’t been my partner. He’s new in the game but he doesn’t act like it, does he?”

“He doesn’t, no.” Jimin agrees. “He’s... he’s something, alright.”

Your grin widens. All your worrying had been for nothing, in the end. The shoot had gone without a hitch, all of the set members coming up to you with praises of a job well done. You can’t recall the last time any of your performances had elicited such a response post-filming. Even Director Ryu looks particularly pleased, a permanent grin etched onto his features as he reviews the tapes. The knowledge that you’ve done well fills you with a pleasant giddiness that warms your insides and makes your cheeks hurt from how wide your smile stretches.

“Oh good, you’re still here.” Hoseok beams. A damp towel hangs around his neck and the ends of his hair are wet like he’s just gone and doused his head under the bathroom faucet. “I was worried you had left. I just - thanks for earlier. I had a lot of fun! If the chance presents itself, I hope we can work together again.”

“Thank you.” You want to praise him too, know that his performance deserves it, but your next words are cut off before they have the chance to form. Jimin steps closer to you, his grip on your hip tightening suddenly.

When you glance up to check on your boyfriend, he’s sporting a serious expression that you’ve rarely seen before. He doesn’t look angry, but it’s clear as day that he isn’t too pleased with the present situation. His face is closed off, cold, unwelcoming - so drastically different from the usual cherubic sweetness you’re accustomed to seeing.

You’re at a loss for words, unsure of who to address first. What’s going on?

Hoseok senses the sudden change in atmosphere and chooses to tactfully retreat.

“Good work, man.” He nods at Jimin and then shoots you a wave. “See you around sometime, ______ !”

Your eyes follow his exit before you turn to face Jimin again, hoping the smile on your face masks the worry you feel bubbling on the inside.

“Jimin what - I mean, are you sure you're okay?”

Jimin returns a strained smile of his own. “I’m fine.”

Your gaze lands on his right hand that’s still squeezing your waist. It borders on uncomfortable but you try not to let it show. You must not do a very good job at schooling your features because Jimin quickly apologizes for his behavior.

“Sorry.” Jimin lets you go once he notices your discomfort. “I just - I don’t know. You’re right, I’m not acting like myself. I think...seeing you say that stuff and act that way just - I’m not sure why, I guess - Since usually the sex isn’t like that, it caught me off guard.”

“You didn’t like that I acted like I was in love with him.”

“Would anyone?” he shoots back, smile sardonic. “It just looked so convincing in the moment. I guess it got me worked up.”

Sure, Hoseok is hot. If you had to work with him again, you would in a heartbeat. It’s not often you land a colleague you’re so sexually compatible with, who also happens to be so well-mannered and good-looking. It’s like hitting the jackpot, really.

But - just because you’d fuck him again for professional reasons, doesn’t mean that you’re interested in him beyond that.

“Jimin. I don’t want to be with anybody else but you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” The muscles in his face relax. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

.

.

It’s not until later, as he fucks you uncharacteristically hard in the backseat of his car parked in the back lot of the film studio, that you begin to wonder if things really are as idyllic as you believe them to be.

.

.

.

#wow so this took a decade and a half to finish but it's finally here ! #final part should be up by the end of the month : ) #bts smut #hoseok smut #hoseok #also warning i didn't proofread the smut scene yet so rip if there are any mistakes

[echodrops]

The Promises I’m Making (2021 Edition)

So how about we all just pretend that 2020 did not happen and we all call it good to erase the year from our memories entirely? I’m game. But I’m also not going to let 2020 totally ruin a long-standing tradition (14 years as of 2021!), so here are my 50 resolutions for this year! When writing promises this year, I decided to go easy on myself, so if the promises aren’t quite as adventurous as normal, well... you know what happened.

2021 Promises

1) Complete the window well on the new basement window so I can finally call that project good.

2) Get the Utah house sprinklers working again to prevent dead grass.

3) Get the back fence back into place and the greenery trimmed.

4) Get the patio replaced before it honestly does just fall down on someone.

5) Get an official exercise routine including walking/jogging, please.

6) Related to the above, lose 15 pounds. Teaching from home basically meant I spent all of 2020 sitting in front of computer, not moving, and it shows...

7) Successfully use the new Roomba my parents got me to keep my floors cleaner. (So much... dog hair...)

8) Get my wisdom tooth removed. (Holy shit, please Echo...)

9) Get a haircut. (No, really, I didn’t get a haircut at all in 2020 and my hair is so long I’d make Sailor Mars jealous.)

10) Find a real doctor to renew my medicine prescriptions so I don’t have to use an asthma inhaler that expired two years ago... please... 

11) Fix the back Texas lawn because I let it get pretty bad.

12) For that matter, uhhhh, let me fix the front yard too.

13) Find a credenza for the foyer. Even if it’s expensive, just buy one already Echo.

14) Finish at least seven new books this year. (This goal feels so small, but when do I ever get time to just sit down and read nowadays?)

15) Organize my documents (especially student papers)—my desktop and documents folders give me nightmares just looking at them.

16) Get a decent paper shredder to shred old mail.

17) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate my retirement accounts.

18) Do at least one artwork to actually use that new paint program I bought.

19) Get the dishwasher fixed... even if I don’t quite know what’s wrong with it.

20) Pay my credit card down by at least 1/2. I made good progress this last year but I need to get it down a lot more before I’ll really be feeling good again.

21) Have all class changes and updates done before classes begin so I only have to worry about grading, not prep too. (There’s always new prep... I never get a break...)

22) Get the toilet in the Texas house fixed as well as the water heater checked because the shower in the back bathroom is cold, blech.

23) Help King lose weight to help with his arthritis. Aim for 85 pounds!

24) See a groove-billed ani. (It’s another type of bird.)

25) Make it to 3000 followers on tumblr. Can I do it? Maybe if I posted actual content once in a while…

26) Update HaaH at least once. Please. At least once...

27) Force Convince my father to fix the fixture in my parents’ front bathroom so my mother will finally stop complaining to me about the leaking sink.

28) Buy a new pair of shoes. I’ve literally worn the same pair of shoes almost every day for the last four years and it’s like... time to let them go.

29) Finish streaming the Fruits Basket remake with Kacchan.

30) Finish the other two QEP courses I was offered because bonus money...

31) Save up to finally buy one of those Ember heated tea mugs.

32) Help my parents save money on their bills by consolidating their services and making some calls to retention of these companies for them.

33) Get vaccinated for Coronavirus as soon as the vaccine is available.

34) Play the new TWEWY game (if it isn’t delayed)--I’m so excited!

35) Find a way to spend more time with my coworker. She does so much for me; I really need to repay her kindness more.

36) Do a video chat and bake with Kacchan since we can’t meet in person to bake together this year!

37) Learn to take better FFXIV screenshots. I need to learn how to use Gposers. XD

38) I will go birdwatching at least six times this year.

39) I will use the exfoliating mask and sugar scrubs I was given for Christmas. I will this time, I really will!!

40) I will get my kitty Gremory to the vet because there’s something not quite right with his claws and I want it checked out.

41) Get a bedframe for the new guest bedroom bed I was able to buy.

42) Eat fewer snacks in 2021--stop buying Oreos, Echo. You can do it.

43) Help ensure that the Todoroki family zine makes it out to everyone who ordered and we are able to close out that zine project strong!

44) Get all of the wolf mounts in FFXIV, finally. I never bothered to grind these at all lol.

45) I will help my mother go through all the family’s Christmas things because the house is so overloaded with Christmas stuff it’s actually becoming a big nuisance. (My family’s Christmas obsession could probably be a plot of a Christmas comedy movie at this point...)

46) Actually watch the Downton Abbey movie, finally. 

47) Take ten “really good” photographs this year.

48) Spend more time with my aunt; we don’t see each other nearly enough.

49) A promise provided by a friend: “Try a new Mexican dish. One that doesn’t have mole on it, for once.”

50) I will keep these promises. LOLLLLL.

#50 promises #new year's resolutions #IRL stuff #please 2021 #don't hurt me