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#i love old cowboy music
mossghosst · 1 month
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take me to the valley there lay the sod on me, im a young cowboy and know i’ve done wrong
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kornocreep · 11 months
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Limp Bizkit - Counterfeit (Lethal Dose Remix) ; 2001
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He fishes his jacket off the tile and deposits the earring into the pocket, leaves them both on the floor. Before he exits the bathroom, he studies his sterling reflection. He’s not who he once was. No Christ, no Jacob, no Jeremiah. And he shouldn’t be. Because he’s twenty-four karat, twinkling, not just otherworldly, unforgiving, untouchable, not just a god or a man—but a trophy at last.
actually, sometimes I really do feel bad for Harrison <3
#he's so baby here#very happy you think you're a trophy babe <3#all of BB has been genuine losses for harrison and#I think this is actually a brief but very genuine win#the funny thing is he actually looks WILD here#cowprint cowboy hat? check#fur coat? check#just smothered his entire face in silver pigment? check#mascara on his eyelids? check#but he's actually TRULY confident here haha#I'm happy he sees himself in that mess <3#from one chaotic 21-yr-old to another... get 'em!!!#also there are many greyson chance easter eggs here#(in the greyson chance special interest era again)#(which little known fact about me I was ENTRENCHED in as a 12-14 yr old lol)#and actually BB is a love letter to all of his music#putting little references here and there just because#end of feb and all of march were... astronomically difficult times for me#(which is the exact time I started BB HAHAHA)#and his music largely kept me going!#and YOU GUYS TOO!!!#anyway 'he's not who he once was' is a reference to the 'i don't want to be the man I was' lyric in “athena”#and the trophy bit i've already mentioned is a reference to the live version of “nobody”#where he goes 'i'm not the trophy you think i am'#which is actually not in the studio version#which to me is 80s pop vibes but in 2021 lol#ANYWAY the LIVE VERSION is a sad piano ballad of THAT#so anyway I love that the trophy line which is 'i'm not the trophy you think i am'#was cut from the studio version but is in the sad piano version lol#don't know how to more articulately describe harrison's psychology in BB except for... that
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portokali · 1 year
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bestie gi @pinknoisemp3 tagged me to share my 9 albums of 2022!!! ty that was v fun to do and think abt!!!
criteria for being a nica album of the year were: °albums i listened to front to back a lot, not just albums where i loved a couple individual songs, °albums that actually set the vibe and made me think of a lot, °albums i liked (ofc), °albums that i either discovered or came out this year OR if they're old favorites, °albums that were particularly relevant, and °albums that were somehow in pace w my character development
here we have: jubilee by japanese breakfast, laurel hell by mitski, ANIME by foivos delivorias, be the cowboy by mitski, μια πέτρα σαν σπίτι by sophie lies, a liquid breakfast by audrey nuna, metro by lex, surf by blackstarkids and red hearse by red hearse
tagging besties @catboyparrish @catboykacchan @catboypranparakulisaro @catboyhammerandsickle @transcatboymegumi @byrons @matchas @stuckwith-harry @quillsand @soupbi @diarygirls and everyone else who wants 2 do it.. ily i hope everyone enjoys the music they listen to as much as i do if not more its my genuine hope for humanity
#jubilee ALBUM OF THE YEAR loved it soo much only listened to it this year too before that all i had listened to more than once was be sweet#but so so so good sooo important to me!!!!#laurel hell A GROWER i loved the singles as they came out but after the album came out i loved jt#but then took a break from listening to it and arrived at the conclusion that it's a lot less musically interesting#than any of her previous works and then came back to it some months later w new uears#OK I STILL KINDA AGREE W PAST ME that melodically it's not AS impressive as some stuff shes done before but stillll#such an important album to me this year n now i grew into some of the songs more esp thats our lamp#ANIME BY DELIVORIAS AND FIRST GREEK ALBUM IN THE LINEUP OKOK OK LETSGO#hes my greek boomer of choice look he went and named his album anime it doesnt even have 2 do w anime#he meant as in.. anima as in the soul in latin ig?? so much of it has 2 do w the matter of thr human soul n how delivorias sees the world#his brain!!! ok even if u dont speak greek i think its an enjoyable listen!!! look i wouldnt be reccing it if it wasnt good!!!!#BE THE COWBOY a classic an old favorite but i listened to it soo much more this year and developed personal close relationships w so many#of the songs so!!! a 2nd win for mitski CHEERS#mia Petra san spiti aka a rock as a home (??) by Sophie lies ANOTHER greek indie album in the lineup n honestly#its more of a 2021 album of the year but this year too and actually one of my fav albums ever#soo much of it is abt growing pains and struggling in your 20s.. hi. was listening to it recently thinking funny how sophie lies writes#songs specifically for me such as aeras bc well of course eimai aeras eimai o ai8eras pou anakatevei fyllarakia eimai neraki ki auto einai#kati... mia stagona poy soy 8wlwse to mati!!! WHO comes up w this stuff NOT NORMAL PPL ILL TELL U THAT MUCH. also nastia likes sophie too#yes yes loved talking abt her w nastia bestie..#a liquid breakfast by audrey.. v good grew on me fast too it interchanges btwn being badass and gritty to vulnerable and softer letsgoo#definitely sth i needed a lot also v fond memories of playing this in the car 2 my friend and his friend i had just met and them both#approving. also b4 the friends friend became MY friend hello!!!!#lex metro what can i say. he already said it all!!! skg gang letsgoo#CULTURAL RESET also ofc i was there at the live.. a v v remarkable and unforgettable day by all means. n my brother gave me one of the#tshirts he got AND I ALSO got a paprika tshirt by artist ej chong so i have 2/9 tshirts for the albums mentioned here#surf by blackstarkids WOW A VIBE!!!! again v relatable to growing n 20smethingisms but also v fun and just super gr8#helped me alot through the summer.. love 💕💕💕#RED HEARSE is actually a long time fav since 2020 i think but it stayed a fav this year n got me through a lot there r some absolutest bops#here!!!! everybody wants you is one of my top most listened songs n my fav alongside red hearse n half love..#tag game
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seeraphina · 2 years
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cmat | i wanna be a cowboy, baby!
(https://youtu.be/FcER7I-r8ww)
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goblingirlgratitude · 8 months
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30 day song challenge (here)
day 10: a song that makes you sad
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wineauntie · 27 days
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WEAR THE HAT (RIDE THE COWBOY) — quinn hughes x fem!reader
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summary:in which, Quinn Hughes thinks you should save a horse! (…and ride a cowboy)
note: oh this is a longggg one! Also confident + cowboy quinn is superior >
warnings: 18+ content, MDNI, sexual content, p in v, nicknames like pretty girl, baby and sweetheart, use of y/n, pining galore, enemies to lovers realness, Quinn with a dirty mouth that loves to praise you.
word count: 4.3k
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You very much, very disliked Quinn Hughes. You always had and you could pinpoint the exact moment where it all began.
You had moved next door to the Hughes family when you were eleven. You’d cried the entire journey, sad to leave your old friends and old house. This misery stayed with you, even as you spotted three kids playing in the street, and even when you’d spotted your new home.
You’d hurriedly dried your eyes as your Mom had parked the car, desperately trying to hide your sadness. You’d plastered a smile across your face, but as soon as you’d stepped out of the car, you found yourself tumbling backwards onto the gravel, due to a plastic puck to the forehead, shot at you by none other than Quinn Hughes himself.
You’d carried a bump, a bruise and a pure dislike for the boy at that very moment.
His brothers on the other hand were great. Jack, who was only a year your junior, was one of your closest childhood friends, the two of you as thick as thieves when it came to neighbourhood shenanigans. And Luke as a child was obsessed with you. In his mind, you were his sister and he wanted to do everything by your side.
…but Quinn?
He never apologised for the rogue puck, nor had he made any attempt to be nice towards you or make conversation. In fact, every time you were in the same vicinity as him, he acted like your presence was the biggest inconvenience, ignoring you at every turn and fleeing whenever you showed up.
And so the silent feud persevered and the thorough dislike felt was an emotion well-shared.
You rid your head of all those thoughts as you climbed out of your car which you had parked just down the street from the Hughes’ lake house. It was Halloween at the Hughes’, despite it being the middle of July.
Halloween was always a big holiday in the Hughes’ household, so when the brothers couldn’t celebrate it together in October due to their demanding careers, Jack had come up with the clever idea to hold a costume party once a year in the midst of summer to give everyone a chance to let loose and have a bit of fun.
So here you were, in the middle of July, dressed in denim daisy dukes, a brown tank top and brown, leather cowboy boots. You’d thrown together your costume in a matter of minutes, hell-bent on borrowing the brown cowboy hat you regularly saw hanging on the coatrack in the Hughes home.
Your boots clattered against the pavement as you approached the lake house, the sound of music and people talking, singing and dancing seeped out into the night air of Michigan. You pushed open the door, being instantly greeted by a wave of heat and a faint smell of alcohol wafting through the air.
“y/n!”
You whipped your head towards the crowded living room where Luke had clambered over the couch, to reach you. You stumbled backwards as he threw his arms around you, your chuckles radiating as he rocked you side to side in joy.
“I thought you weren’t going to come,” he whined as he pulled away, finally letting you look at the costume he adorned.
“And pass up free drinks?…never,” you hummed, fixing his black robe. “Also, I’m loving the costume, Anakin.” Luke grinned and scratched his head as he glanced down at his costume bashfully.
“I love your…oh my god,” Luke trailed off as he read your tank top, his eyes widening and cheeks blazing as he slapped a hand over his mouth.
You beamed from ear to ear as you glanced down at your shirt which conveniently read “Save a horse, ride a cowboy.”
“I’m a cowgirl, Luke,” You laughed, “actually, where’s that cowboy hat I always see when I’m around here? And can I borrow it please?”
Luke’s look of shock and amusement remained laced across his features as he glanced around the party.
“What?” You asked in confusion, following his eyeline only to freeze where you stood. “No…god, no, Luke!”
“I think the hat’s already in use,” Luke spoke, lowering his lips to your ear so you could hear him as he shuffled to your side. “Bye!”
Luke laughed heartedly, patting you on the shoulder before he returned to his friends in the living room, leaving your eyes locked on the sight ahead of you as a scowl crept onto your face.
Standing right ahead of you, sipping a drink as he talked to friends was Quinn Hughes…dressed from head to toe as a cowboy.
Fuck. Your. Life.
This was great, this was just fantastic. You wanted to rip your hair out in frustration, especially when you saw how good he looked in it.
One thing you refused to ever mention, was that despite your deep-rooted dislike for him, the eldest Hughes brother had been one of your first crushes because let’s be honest, objectively, Quinn Hughes was a good-looking man. You’d have to be a fool not to notice it. Your childhood crush on him had faded, yet every once and a while, it poked its ugly head out and caused you to go into full lockdown mode.
And now, seeing him in denim jeans, a grey shirt that stretched around his thick biceps and the cowboy hat you’d intended to steal, the ugly head of your childhood crush flared up, screaming at you to act on your desires.
With a huff, you folded your arms over your chest and headed towards the kitchen to grab a drink to wash Quinn out of your mind.
Hours later and a few drinks in, you found yourself sitting on the couch, with your legs strewn across the cushions, a plastic cup in hand, and a mind buzzing with alcohol-induced courage. The party had escalated into chaos as the night wore on, with laughter, music, and questionable dance moves scattered around the home.
Despite your initial annoyance at Quinn's unexpected presence, you had managed to avoid any direct interaction with him throughout the evening, skilfully avoiding him. However, as the night continued, you couldn't help but find yourself stealing glances across the room at the eldest Hughes brother. He seemed relaxed, chatting effortlessly with his friends, his cowboy attire adding a rugged charm to his usual demeanour.
Lord, you needed to get a grip.
But each time your gaze lingered on him, a vicious and conflicting mix of irritation and attraction stirred within you.
On your latest trip to the kitchen, you had glanced backwards and the party’s noise dulled as Quinn's eyes met yours. Even from across the room, you could see his nostrils flare and his eyes flash with an emotion you couldn’t place. For a brief moment, the world completely stilled as the intensity of his gaze pierced through the crowd. You quickly averted your eyes, heart pounding in your chest, but the memory of his piercing stare lingered, igniting a flame within you.
You’d abandoned your mission of heading the the kitchen and had swiftly taken back up your residence on the house’s couch, lounging back into the cushions, feeling rather flustered from the minimal interaction.
"Hey, y/n!" Jack's voice boomed over the music, snapping you out of your thoughts. He plopped down on the couch beside you, a wide grin plastered on his face. "Having fun?"
"Yeah, it's been a blast," You nodded, offering him a lopsided smile as your head lolled toward him. He had chosen to be a football player for the evening, adorning a jersey and eye black smeared on his cheekbones.
Jack chuckled, nudging your shoulder playfully. "Glad you could make it,” he spoke up, raising his voice to be heard. “You know, Quinn's been asking about you."
"Really? Why?" You asked defensively, as your eyebrows shot up in surprise, a mixture of scepticism and intrigue swirling in your head.
"Who knows?” Jack shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. “Maybe he wants to bury the hatchet or something."
"I highly doubt that."
But deep down, a small glimmer of hope flickered within you. Could it be possible Jack was telling the truth? The thought sent a strum of anticipation coursing through your veins and straight to your beating heart.
Before you could dwell further on the matter, Jack grabbed your hand, excitement evident in his eyes. "Come on, let's get a drink!" He urged, pulling you onto your feet as you allowed Jack to yank you towards the kitchen and straight past his older brother, whose eyes seemed to be locked on your figure.
You didn’t know how long it had been since the kitchen, but right now you were holed up in one of the bathrooms upstairs, staring at yourself in the mirror. You were at that wonderful stage of tipsy where the world was good and bright.
A sudden and loud bang on the door rattled its structure as you groaned and banged back.
“Occupied,” you practically sang, your eyes flitting from the mirror to the door.
“You can’t be up here, it’s off limits,” the deep voice called back sending butterflies cascading through your stomach. With a giggle, you opened the door and shook your head.
“Move on, Hughes,” You tutted, “you should never hurry a woman in a bathroom.”
Quinn’s eyes widened a fraction from where he was leaning against the door frame, expecting there to be someone hooking up or throwing up inside of the bathroom.
“This is still out of bounds,” he eventually sighed, his arms folding across his chest.
“Even for me,” you fluttered your eyelashes jokingly, biting your lip as you stared at Quinn’s unmoving figure.
“Especially for you.”
It was as if those words sent all of your insecurities tumbling down, each one of them being thrown in your face as your upbeat persona completely dropped. You suddenly felt rather sober, all of the adrenaline and fun seeping from your body.
“Fine,” you hissed, bumping his shoulder as you passed. You were going to head down to the party but you felt your body turn back to face him before you could. “Actually, no!”
“You have a real stick up your ass you know that, right? I tried to be civil with you but all I get back is whatever this…” you gestured to his disgruntled state. “–is. I’m done trying. It’s obvious you don’t like me, so quit staring and quit asking about me. We don’t have to be friends or even be civil anymore, we can just stop.”
You turned around towards the stairs with gritted teeth, before you spun around on your heel once more.
“Oh and for the record, you stole my intended hat,” you pettily huffed, slowly reaching up and taking the hat from Quinn’s head before pulling it onto your own. “I’m taking it back for the rest of the night.”
A sigh fell from Quinn’s lips as you fixed the hat on your head with a smirk, nodding to nothing as you looked up at the man once more.
“Now, I’m done,” you eventually hummed in satisfaction, walking back towards the stairs.
Before you could get any further, you felt Quinn's arm snake around your waist, pulling you back towards him, his chest meeting your spine. Opening your mouth the argue once more, you found yourself faltering, feeling his nose brush along the supple skin of your neck, the scruff of his beard leaving a wonderful tingling in its wake.
"Haven't heard you heard, pretty girl?" His voice rasped, his lips skimming the shell of your ear as your heart quickened. "You wear the hat, you ride the cowboy."
Your breath caught in your throat at his closeness, his cologne engulfing you as your heart fluttered in your chest.
“Quinn…” you struggled to say, your body pliant as he slowly turned you so you were chest to chest with him.
“Had to watch you all night walking around in those little shorts without a care in the world that everyone was watching you,” He continued, his hand reaching up to brush hair out of your face. “But you were watching me, hm? You always do, even when we were younger.”
Your mouth was slightly agape as you remained quiet, your eyes following Quinn’s that dropped to your lips briefly.
“Think I haven’t noticed it?” He spoke, his nose brushing gently against yours. “Oh, sweetheart, why don’t you ask me how I noticed.”
You couldn’t find the words to speak as you tried to process what was happening and why you liked being held like this by him.
“C’mon, don’t go all quiet on me now… go and ask.”
“How..?” your chest rose and fell unsteadily, warmth rushing around your body at you and Quinn’s close proximity. “How did you notice?”
You watched as his head lifted slightly, a soft chuckle breaking from his lips.
“Because I was watching you,” He stated, his voice an octave above a whisper as he locked his deep and softening eyes on yours. “I always watched you, starting from the moment I hit you with that damned puck.”
“You never apologised for that,” your stubborn remark mixed with the need that your voice trembled with.
“How was awkward, twelve-year-old me ever going to walk up to a pretty girl and try to explain himself?”
“You thought I was pretty?”
“I think you’re the most beautiful girl, I’ve ever seen.”
You ducked your head before Quinn tutted and lifted your head with a warming smile.
“You got me nervous,” he admitted, his voice soft in a way you’ve never heard before. “So when I hit you, I grabbed the puck and pretended it didn’t happen. It was only after that, did I realise what I had just done.”
Quinn sucked in a small breath as he continued, his thumb caressing over your cheekbone in soothing strokes.
“I tried to apologise to you so many times but you hated me too, you know? I’d already pissed you off, I didn’t want you to thoroughly hate me.”
His confession sliced at your heart but your body radiated in a desirous heat that ensnared all of your senses, as you leaned closer to his body, relishing the firmness of his chest and the way it rumbled when you’d stepped closer.
“I don’t think I could ever hate you, Quinn,” you whispered, your hands reaching up to hold onto his biceps.
“Can I kiss you?” Quinn’s hoarse voice murmured, causing your thighs to clench in anticipation. “Please?”
A primal desperation swept over you as you nodded and pulled Quinn down onto your lips. Your lips met in a clash, electricity humming around you as he swept his tongue along your lip.
For a first kiss with him, this was better than you had ever imagined.
The two of you remained locked, Quinn’s hold from where he cupped your cheeks, grounding you to the earth as you grasped at his arms to steady the sudden lightness that filled your body.
When the two of you withdrew to catch your breath, his forehead dropped to rest against yours as the two of you breathed one another in. The party downstairs was a distant memory as you surrounded yourself in Quinn and the moment that lingered in the air.
Another moment passed before the two of you jumped straight back into the kiss, the addictive excitement driving the two of you. Kissing Quinn was like driving fast with the windows down in summer; hot, freeing and thrilling.
Your hands tangled at the back of his neck as he held you tighter to his skin, one of his hands dropping to your lower back to press you against him.
A loud clatter from the stairs caused the both of you to pull apart, watching as two of Jack’s drunken friends almost face-planted. Quinn reached back out to you and dipped his head to whisper in your ear.
“Jump.”
Without another thought or complaint, you jumped into his awaiting arms, your legs locking around his waist as he carried you to his room, down the hall and out of sight from prying eyes. Quinn’s lips found yours in a feverish dance as he pushed his back against his door, to open it before he brought you inside and kicked it closed.
“Quinn,” you found yourself panting, your heart beating a mile a minute as the heat of your flesh became unbearable, the desire to have his hands all over you overwhelming your senses. “I want you.”
“You have me,” Quinn smirked, his head lowering to press kisses along the curve of your neck as he slowly sat on his bed.
Still entangled around him, your legs straddled his thighs as he pulled you close. His hands moved to your waist, holding you as he continued his tirade of kisses down your neck, pausing only to suckle on the sweet flesh casting a darkening bruise on your skin.
Soft moans of pleasure tumbled from your parted lips as your hips moved forward and back on his lap, desperate for any friction or satisfaction.
“Look at you squirming, you need it bad, hm?” Quinn teasingly murmured against your skin whilst you whined at his words, your hips rocking. “What do you say, pretty girl, want to ride a cowboy?”
His words caused a pure and animalistic craving to wrack through.
“Please,” you gasped out as he nipped your neck, brushing his tongue over the mark.
“I’ve got you,” Quinn whispered, tossing the hat from your head, his hands whipping your tank top over your head to leave you in only your bra. You felt a breath escape you at the sudden movement, your head dropping forward to look at him.
“Beautiful,” he commented with half-lidded eyes, lingering on your exposed flesh as one of his hands lifted to undo the back of the bra. The bra fell swiftly with your help, your arms tossing it somewhere into the darkness of Quinn’s room.
Quinn’s eyes darkened at the sight of your bare chest, his tongue running along his bottom lip as he admired you. You whimpered as he grasped your breast in his hand, kneading the supple flesh, eliciting a sharp moan from your lips.
“Never seen anything more perfect in my life,” he spoke, bowing his head to swirl his tongue over your nipple, his other hand pinching and kneading the other in a perfect contrast of pleasurable tension. Your hips ground down onto the growing bulge in his pants, relishing the raw material of his jeans against your shorts. He kissed across the valley of your breasts, capturing your other nipple in his mouth, showing it the same amount of attention as the other.
You were a stuttering mess, when he eventually withdrew, his eyes dark and careful as he slowly lifted you from his thighs and placed you on your shaky legs.
“Last chance, pretty girl,” Quinn breathed out, his fingers dancing along the waist of your shorts. “You sure you want this?”
Without breaking eye contact, you unbuttoned your shorts and let them fall to your ankles, stepping out of their constraints before you climbed back onto Quinn’s lap.
“I was promised a ride,” you simpered, your eyes ablaze as you bit down your lip. Your hands ran over his clothed chest, pulling the hem up, revealing Quinn’s sculpted body. He slowly sat up, allowing you to completely yank the grey shirt over his head.
In a sudden move, he gripped your hips and spun you, changing your positions so that you were pinned beneath Quinn, your chest palpitating as your eyes flared with a venereal need.
He stepped away from your body, slowly unbuttoning his jeans, as you moved to prop yourself onto your elbows.
With bated breath, you watched Quinn as he shed his clothes, your heart racing with anticipation. The air in the room felt charged with desire, every movement he made sending a jolt of electric excitement through your veins. As he discarded his jeans, revealing his toned physique, your eyes drank in the sight hungrily, a certain lust igniting within you.
Quinn's gaze never left yours, dark with intensity as he prowled towards you, his steps deliberate and purposeful. Your breath hitched as he knelt before you, his hands trailing up your thighs, sending shivers of anticipation cascading down your spine.
"So pretty," he murmured, his voice husky as his lips brushed against your skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake whilst his hands pulled down your panties. His touch was electrifying, sending sparks of pleasure dancing across your skin. “Oh, baby, you are soaked, all this for me?”
You gulped as he let a grin crawl across his face, reaching behind him to place the panties in his drawer before he returned to you.
With trembling hands, you reached out to touch him, your fingers tracing the contours of his body, memorising every ridge and plane. The heat between you was palpable, a primal need driving you both towards each other with an irresistible force. You gently pulled him towards your face, unable to bear the tension any longer.
As Quinn's lips found yours in a searing kiss, you melted into him, surrendering to the fiery passion that consumed you both. You dragged him down on top of you, his body a heavy yet comfortable weight pressing against your bare body.
“Need to feel you,” you rasped, heat flushing across your body. “I want to feel you.” You rolled over, to be on top of him, your legs automatically pulled apart by his thick thighs. “Do you have?…have you?..condom, where?”
You found yourself babbling, finding it hard to focus on the words as your body cried in desperation. You watched as Quinn opened his fist revealing a silver, foil packet, which he’d grabbed from the drawer.
“Put it on for me?” Quinn asked cheekily, winking at you as you practically tugged the packet out of his hands.
“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, earning a soft poke in the side from the man beneath you as you shifted your weight to manoeuvre Quinn’s underwear down. Your eyes locked on his whilst fingers gently dragged the material down, allowing his thickened cock to slap against his stomach. You suppressed a guttural groan at the sight.
You were practically salivating at the view, your eyes wide with wonder as you carefully reached out and stroked down his shaft, spreading his beads of pre-cum down his length, relishing the grumble that wracked through Quinn’s chest as he watched you with parted lips and a heated look.
Your teeth ripped open the wrapper of the condom, and you slowly rolled it onto Quinn's length, feeling the tension between you bubble over. With each movement, your heart raced faster, your body craving the feeling of him that awaited.
Quinn's breath hitched as your fingers traced over his skin, as you grinned down onto his thighs, hardly able to contain the vicious warmth pulsating through your veins.
With the condom securely in place, you straddled Quinn once again, feeling the heat of his body beneath you as you positioned yourself, ready to take what you both yearned for. His cock brushed over your dripping wetness as his hands found their way to your hips, guiding you gently as you lowered yourself onto him, the shaking sensation of fullness engulfing you both.
A low, guttural moan escaped Quinn's lips as you sank down, inch by inch. Your mouth parted in pleasure, your hands grasping at the flesh of Quinn’s abs for stability. The burning sensation of the stretch to accommodate his length, fuelled your desire as you gave yourself a second to adjust to his size.
“Oh my god,” you gasped out, slowly rocking against Quinn, sparks of pleasure bursting up your spine whilst you threw your head back.
“You take it so well, pretty girl,” Quinn huffed, his tight grip on your hips urging you up and down on his cock. His grip was an anchor, keeping your body grounded despite the ethereal pleasure you were experiencing.
Your walls tightened around the ridges of his length as it glided through your wetness. The room was filled with a cacophony of sounds, your pants of satisfaction mixing with Quinn’s carnal groans.
Your bodies moved in perfect harmony, a symphony of passion and desire as you lost yourselves in the rhythm of the moment.
Quinn’s hand crept towards the epicentre of your pleasure, his thumb circling your bud as you ground down on him. You let out a strangled yelp as he thrust up to meet your movements, both of you chasing your orgasms.
Your nails dug into his flesh as you moved up and down with his guidance. Your pelvis meeting the the sparse hair on the base of his cock as he hit the spongey spot inside you that erupted in glorious pulses every time he brushed against it.
“I can feel you clenching me,” Quinn murmured, his thumb quickening against your clit as you approached the edge of ecstasy. “You gonna come for me, pretty girl?”
“Quinn,” you panted out, picking up your speed as you tethered on the dangerous edge of your climax.
“That’s right,” He urged, his thrusts up unwavering as you met them in pure need. “Let everyone know who’s making you come.”
Your thighs shook as the knotted tension in your stomach loosened as Quinn pulled you closer and closer to that glorious bliss.
“Y’look so good,” Quinn practically slurred, his eyes half-lidded as he watched you bounce. “You’re so close, pretty girl, c’mon, let go, I’ve got you.”
His words shot straight down your core as the tension in your stomach exploded, as your body shook in the purest of pleasure, loud moans escaping your parted lips as your orgasm washed over you.
Quinn pumped up into you, letting you ride through the bliss as he grew closer and closer to his own. His grip on your hips held you on him as you relentlessly clenched around his length.
With a final grunt and a chasing thrust, his grip tightened and he spilt into you, eliciting a whine from you at the mere feeling.
Your body felt boneless as Quinn pulled you down onto his chest, his arms wrapping around you to hold you close. Both of your chests rose and fell in sync, both completely blissed out whilst his hand entangled in your hair, holding your head toward the crook of his neck.
You moved your head carefully to press chaste kisses to his jaw, as he lightly chuckled and adjusted his hold on you.
“How was your ride, pretty girl?” Quinn mumbled, his head lolling to the side to meet your eyes.
“Perfect, 7/10,” you whispered with a soft smile, your fingers tracing his cheek.
“Only seven?” Quinn spluttered in shock, but before he could descend into a panic, you continued.
“Mhm…I think we need to go again,” you nodded very seriously, mischief glittering in your eyes. “You need to convince me, cowboy.”
“You’re a cheeky thing, aren’t you,” Quinn hummed, his hand twisting around your hair to gently pull your head back.
“You like it,” you smiled, brushing your lips across his.
“Damn right I do,” Quinn growled, “Now hop back on, baby, seems like I have some convincing to do.”
Hope you enjoyed! any and all feedback is welcomed with open arms
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grugruel · 3 months
Text
The Girl Who Cried Cowboy
Parings: dbf!cowboy!bucky x f!reader
NSFW/MDNI
Masterlist
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Summary: When drinking too much at one of her father's summer parties, she realises just how inappropriate her feelings are for her fathers best friend. And he has to drive her home.
Word count: 3.2
Warnings: cowboy hat, rough sex, pinv sex, kintchen-counter sex (woooh), doggy, creampie, praise, strong feelings, "I love you", mutual pining, tension, pet names (sweetheart, girl, ma'am, darlin', woman), slight angst, sundress kink, hair pulling.
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Low chatter and calm music soothed her, tuning her mind to familiar nostalgia as she faded into memory of old summer nights.
Nights much like this one.
The singing birds, the perfectly temperatured air, and the warm kisses from the last rays of the setting sun.
Her parents' big grass-clad backyard in which she sometimes slept, like now, she enjoyed the infiltrating clovers that softened the ground beneath her.
And the blue open sky that stretched above her like a lustriously painted ceiling. It was deep at this hour, but not dark. Even so, it slowly lightened as it merged into the pastel colors of the horizon.
Her world whirled, stretching and contracting mildly as a slight buzz from her many emptied beers took a pleasant hold of her senses. She smiled, putting the half spilled bottle to her lips once again. Not minding one bit that she had toppled over, rather just loving the way the grass tickled her skin as her sheer sundress bunched high on her thighs. Especially enjoying the way it moved against her nipples, now very glad she'd opted out of wearing a bra today–
'You sure know how to catch my attention, sweetheart.' A voice mused.
She faced its source but already knew who it belonged to, its presence only making her night better. He'd always been her favorite out of her dad's friends.
The sun painted her face a golden orange, as she turned toward him. A tall, blurry figure stood by her side, she squinted, and a handsome cowboy materialised. The shapes forming him steadied. She could make out the gruff hands around his belt buckle, his face, and the cowboy hat on his head. Which was busy shielding his eyes from the sun, their intent gaze observing her from beneath its rim.
She smiled knowingly. 'Buck!' She erupted, throwing her arms upward as if to hug him from the ground, spilling beer all around her in the process. 'Join me.' She giggled, and her arms fell to pat the ground at her sides.
The cowboy shook his head with a chuckle. He had never been able to say no to her.
Her bare, bent knees lulled against his lap as she moved closer to his relaxed form. She took another swig of beer, then pointed at the sky above them.
Towering over their laying forms, the sky held a full moon in its mixing colors, the suns reflection only illuminating its silvery brightness and amplifying the contrasts.
'Ain't it pretty?'
-
His wandering eyes roamed her face, the alcohol fueled blush that adorned it, and the strands of wild hair that framed her like a canvas. He wanted noting more than to push them behind her ears so he could admire her in full. He willed his eyes from traveling south. He could not, it was unfair to her and her father.
-
He hummed. 'Sure is.'
She shut her eyes, attempting to collect herself. It must be the alcohol, surely. But she hadn't even had that much to drink, had she? She placed the hat on her head properly. Forgetting herself entierly.
She faced him again, meeting his eyes. He watched the blush expand across her face as she realised it was her that he was talking about. The girl, suddenly shy. Grabbed his hat from his head and covered her giggling face. His charm was dangerous, she couldnt help herself around him. Her face poked out from beneath the hat, eyes studying him carefully as he looked back up at the moon. The colors of the sky and the green of the grass running parallel to his profile. His forehead, nose, lips, and chin placed perfectly in between them, running like a mountain range in a horizon. She got a strong urge the kiss his perfectly handsome face– ugh, fuck. . .
'Buck?'
He hummed.
'Could you drive me home?' She just needed to sleep it off, these feeling would be gone in the morning. She was sure.
He looked back at her. '. . .'Course darlin.' His eyes wandered over his hat, on her head. His lips tightened into a line as he cleared his throat.
The girl nodded. 'Can you tell dad? I hate to leave the party early, but I think I over did the drinkin'. . .' She lied. She wasn't sick, nor drunk, drunk. She just felt too guilty to speak with her dad directly when these types of thoughts ran rampid about his best friend.
Her world devolved into streaks of color as he pulled her to her feet. The booze affected body betrayed her as the footing failed beneath her feet– she collided with his chest, and his quick hands shot to her waist– catching her before she took another tumble. 'Easy there.' His drawl in full effect.
He laughed, but nodded. 'He'll understand, im sure. Your father's a wise man.' And grabbed her shoulder, and squeezing it reassuringly. Then stood, and held his hand out for her to take.
Everything whirled around her, everything except him. She could see him perfectly clear. The pair locked eyes, enjoying the feeling of his big hands molding to her waist. Something tugged on them, pulling them closer to each other. Lips brushing, noses touching. She felt dizzy, the pair of them hiding their faces under the brim of his hat. It somehow felt easier. Hands slipping to her hips, squeezing. Their heavy breathing, drinking each other in, and the squeeking of the patio door– in horror they pulled off of each other, akwardness seeping into the space between them. She kept her eyes on the ground as she realised she was wearing his hat. She'd put it on, hadn't she? Oh. . . Fuck– but she had no time to worry about its insinuations right now, and quickly removed it, pushing it back into Bucky's hands.
'Ah, there you both are!' It was her dad, walking in a straight line toward them.
She prayed he hadn't seen anything. As everyone had moved the party inside when the night began to fall.
He slapped a hand on buckys shoulder, greeting him happily.
Thank god, she sighed in relief.
But there was an akward silence, where none of them said much of anything for a second.
'Whats goin' on, who died?' Her father joked, a dry chuckle following it. But a tinge of true uncertainty lingered in his voice as he looked at them with skeptical eyes.
'Im just not feelin' to good.' She scrambled to explain, as bucky scratched his neck, not managing to come up with a good excuse himself. 'I was thinkin' of headin' home. Buck'll drive me.'
Her father gave her a slanted smile and ruffled her hair. 'Yeah? To much to fast?'
She nodded, a faint smile on her lips. 'Sorry.'
He tilted his head, searching her eyes. 'Dont apologize sweetheart. Its ok. I'll see ya' later, yeah?'
She nodded again, and he kissed her on top of her head.
She loves her dad, and to prove it she'd almost kissed his best friend. Shame gnawed at her, she couldn't do that to him.
He turned to Bucky. 'You comin' back later then?'
'I'm not sure.' Bucky dared a flicker of a glance in her direction, and lowered his voice. 'Gotta get 'er home first, make sure shes alright.'
Her father nodded, seamingly appreciating the gesture. If he only knew.
'But you'll notice if I turn up.' Bucky laughed, attempting a joke to defuse the situation and playfully hit her father on the arm.
He smiled. 'Well, alright, good then. Drive safe.' The men gave each other a short embrace. 'Thank you, Buck. You're a good friend.' She heard her father whisper as they patted each other on the back warmly.
Guilt, shame, neither could begin to describe what she was feeling. She'd need to invent a new word for it.
The walk to the truck was quiet. The only proof of the life altering almost-kiss was the comforting hand he placed on her back, and now held much more meaning than that in which an old friend once had.
The sun disappeared beyond the distant treeline. A big wheatfield separated it from the dirtroad they found themselves driving down. Trees lined its path, their leafy crowns casting a high overhang above them.
Oh, how stunning, but the window would not wind down. Frustrated, she pushed it repeatedly. Her mind was not wrapping around the fact that it just wouldn't work, pure stubbornness egging her on. As she dared not ask Bucky for help. They'd been riding in silence ever since the encounter with her dad–
'You feelin' any better?' He asked, clearing his throat. The anxious avoidance of speaking had created a croak in it.
She had too much on her mind. She was overheating, just wanting some air. 'I'm fine, just a little warm.' The button was taunting her, no matter how hard she pushed it.
'Just– slow down, doll.' Bucky reached over her seat to unlock the door, then pushed the button to lower the window. Oh. . .
Sweet relief, she leaned her head against the frame of the open window. The freshness of nature and its many scents rolled into the truck in waves of pure air, clearing her mind of what it could. But as it mixed and matched with Buckys own, his perfume and masculine musk, rubbed her senses just right. It began working in the opposite effect.
'Thank you.' She spared him a glance, smiling faintly. Immidietly regretting it as she was reminded of how good he looked in the hat.
His hand fell from the door to her knee. It was supposed to be a harmless gesture, one he'd done may times before. 'You're welcome, sweetheart.'
Oh. . But this time, everything slowed, shes sure of it. Flames that should not have sparked inside her were now, in fact, raging. She screwed her eyes shut. Damp breeze, floweres, grass, birds. . . She tried to focus, to think of something else, but– hand, his hand. Moving in slow-motion, squeezing the flesh above her knee. Then, the loss of his touch.
Her eyes shot open, and suddenly, time hastened again– she grabbed his hand and without even thinking, replaced it higher on her thigh. Her eyes widened in realisation, and she felt the cowboys eyes bore into her. God, it's hard to breathe all of a sudden.
'Girl. . .' There laid warning in his tone. They were headed into dangerous territory. Yet without heeding his own warning, his fingers dug into her upper thigh, eyes landing on the pushed up skirt of her dress. He grabbed it between his fingertips and pulled it down, exhaling a big breath as if it took everything in him not to do the opposite.
She shook her head in compressed motions, the feeling of his skin was heavenly. His hand alone, without touching any crucial parts of her, set her aflame. Hesitation still lingering in her body as she fought her thoughts.
The car screeched to a halt, they'd arrived at her house. Fuck, thank, god.
She reached for the door, realising in horror that she still held onto his hand. As she made to shake herself free, he entwined his fingers with hers and sighed, knowing full well why she was in such a rush. 'Hold on now, darlin', slow down.' He met her eyes. 'Let me help you down, at least.'
Breathe, she willed herself, and nodded to him. Waiting impatiently for Bucky to open her door. Her world spinning, the real problem was that it simply wasn't alcohol induced anymore.
The door opened, and he gripped her waist, lifting her out in a swift motion. Her skin– well, everything tingled at his touch. He set her down, on steady feet, and unsteady mind. 'We should talk about this.' He tried, following her as she marched toward her door.
'About what? There's nothing to talk about.'
'Darlin'. . .'
'Stop.' She whipped around to face him. 'Just stop. I'm not your darlin', 'N I'm sure as hell not your sweetheart.' She hissed and continued walking. The words hurt her as much as they must've hurt him. God, the walk to her house felt never ending.
'I just– I care for you sweeth–' He stopped, footsteps no longer sounding behind her. '. . .'N I love your father too. I've known him for most of my life. Feeling this way 'bout ya' doesn't come for free.'
Too? He said "too" didn't he?
She turned around. 'Too?' Her knees felt weak, her mind muddled by conflicting thoughts of her father and the man in front of her. And he was quite a sight, the picture of a cowboy in fact. Putting weight on one leg, he held his belt, and his hat covered his face as he tilted it down in silent brooding. How she imagined all cowboys did.
He sighed. 'Well–' shoulders shrugging. 'What'ya expect, beautiful as you are. Inside 'n out.' He walked up to her. His hand reached for her face. She should back away. She knew she should, but her feet wouldn't move. The backs of his fingers stroked strands of hair from her face, thumb caressing her cheekbone, his touch gentler than any man before him.
He laid his forehead against hers. 'I love y–'
She kissed him. He could not utter those words. Not yet. This was not the time.
Electricity shocked her nervous system. She could feel his hunger as he cupped her face, deeping the kiss. Yet, his needy lips slowed themselves for her sake, her uncertainty.
She pulled free, gasping for breath as she had forgotten it was a necessity and grabbed his hand, leading him to the house. Eyes looking back at him, speaking more than words ever could. It was just the matter of interpreting them.
He stood leaning against her kitchen counter, observing her as she sauntered toward him. Dress billowing around her thighs. Was this really happening?
He reached for her, laying his hands at her waist and taking the fabric of her dress between his fingers, pulling her toward him. 'I really do, you know.'
Her hand reached up to comb through his hair. 'Save it.' She smiled, her other hand sliding over her dress, stopping at her waist where the bow that tied the dress together was. Slowly, as he kept his eyes locked on hers. She pulled on the string, letting it come undone, and her dress fell open.
Bucky made a sound between a gasp and a moan, barely daring to take his eyes from hers. 'I'm at your mercy, sweet girl. Tell me what to do.' He breathed, eager fingers waiting for her approval.
His words were setting butterflies to flight. Her free hand grabbed his, and led it between the fabric of her dress and her body. Laying it atop her breast. 'Touch me.' She whispered.
Shivers, shivers, and goosebumps spread in waves over her chest as his fingers came in contact with her soft flesh.
She advanced, and he obliged her request as his other hand ran down her side, snaking around her back and grabbing her ass to pull her closer against his chest.
'Please. . .' He pleaded. 'I need to feel you.' His hands squeezed her breast, producing a whimper from her lips. 'Taste you.' He leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers, lining her bottom lip with his tongue. 'Anything, anything you're willin' to give me.'
Her brows furrow in tortured pleasure. Waves of pressure inside her that had no outlet, nowhere to go except to her core and mind. Her thoughts were mere static at this point, all of them reduced to neurons.
'Take all of me. . . All at once.' She exhaled, the air that they exchanged with one another merged into one unisome breath.
A pained grunt. 'You sure?' He grabbed his hat to remove it.
She grabbed his hand, stopping. 'You better keep that hat on,' she warned, then nodded. 'And, im sure.' She looked into his eyes. 'Now. . . fuck. me.' She demanded.
With that, he grinned and spun her around, pressing her up against the counter. Hips colliding with the countertop in a hard thud, but she did not care. All she wanted was him, and for this short moment when they were together, truly together, her father could be damned.
His hands ran up the side of her thighs, hiking her skirt onto his wrist, and flipped it over her ass. She groaned in pain. 'Can't wait any longer, hurry up.'
'Easy girl. . ' He slowed her as he tugged her pretty lace panties to the side, moaning at the sight of her. 'Stunnin'. . '
Her mind fogged, she disappeared for a moment, not really thinking about what was happening until she heard his belt buckle and then, finally. She felt him.
His hand moved to her hip as the other aligned his tip with her entrance, and without any more thinking and delaying, he pushed inside.
A mix between a whimper and a moan pushed its way out of her lungs. 'Fuck, yes.'
Her hands braced against the countertop, protecting her hipbones against the hard surface as he began thrusting.
But it wasn't enough. 'C'mon cowboy, harder.' A moan and breath combined into one.
His hand slid up her back, unintentionally tickling her the entire way. He grabbed her hair and circled it around his fist, then held her steady as he pushed himself into her even rougher.
'Mmmh. .' She hummed. But she needed more. She'd waited so long for this that she'd be damned if there wouldn't be bruises to remember him by. 'You can do better. . Mhh- fuck.' She moaned, struggling to get her words out as he bent over her, his thrusts reaching even deeper. He leveled his head with hers, and bit into her shoulder. His blissfull muffled moans made right at her ear, and along with them came the hot puffs of breath and the dirty sounds of slapping skin. Everything scratched the nervous center in her brain, just right. 'Yeah. . . Like that, mhm. . Show me how much you, uh-huh. –need me.' She managed, her words stuttering and stumbling.
'Feels so good.' He groaned. 'My darlin' girl.'
She no longer protested. She was his, in every sense of the word. And she loved it
'Yours, just yours.' She breathed.
'Good girl.' He moaned, obviously approving of her recognition.
She could not take much more. '. . 'M close Buck.'
He nodded, his forehead resting against her shoulder. She could barely make out his nodding against her shoulder in response. He must be close, too.
'I need to see ya' girl– wanna see ya'. . . See ya' cum.'
She couldn't answer. She only moaned in approval. But it was enough for him. His swollen member had her walls clenching, sucking and squelching around his member. Pulling him closer and closer to the edge.
He pulled out of her, spun her around, and lifted her by the hips onto the counter. His strength would never, not turn her on. And without missing a beat, slammed back into her again. 'Fuck! Just like that cowboy.' She cried. Their lips meeting in needy, rushed movements as they both approached their climax. Knots tightening, pressure building, and pressure realising.
In blinding hot waves, pleasure coursed through her as her orgasm finally arrived. 'Oh, girl. .' he moaned, sounding close to a whimper as it was uttered against her lips and into her mouth. 'My good, good girl.'
Oh, she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so badly. But Bucky got there first, as he too came. Tears of joy and pleasure fell down his cheeks as powerful spurts of seed filled her core, and he collapsed to his knees. Throwing his arms around her hips, his head lulled into her lap.
'I love you.' He murmured, kissing her thighs in slow, sloppy kisses. Lovingly holding his arms tightly around her, afraid she'd disappear. He uttered, 'I love you.' Over and over again, between and during his kisses, it did not matter to him. He just needed to say it, and for her to hear it.
She watched him with awe, how could she never have known, or felt– not even seen a glimpse of the man before her, a man that worshipped her in this way. She ran her hands through his hair, scratching his scalp and nape soothingly as she smiled. Heart filled to the brim, for him.
'I love you too, Buck.' She whispered. 'Love you terribly, I think have for a long time, cowboy.'
He looked up at her, his chin resting on her knees as she slumped back against the cabinets, both catching their breaths. 'You'll be the death of me, woman.' Another tear rolled down his cheek, but there was no sorrow. Only proof of powerful stimulation, along with long pent-up feelings and needs.
She jumped off of the counter. 'Need ya' once more, before you head back.'
He grabbed her wrist and kissed his way up her forearm from his place on the floor. 'Yes, ma'am.'
She laid an index finger under his chin, tilting his face upward so their eyes could meet. 'Good. . .' She lifted the hat from his head, and placed it on herself with a smile. '. . .'Cause I still gotta ride ya'.'
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landosjpg · 2 months
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cowboy like me | ln
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the one where you unexpectedly fall in love with someone just like you, but it doesn’t turn out as you expected.
lando norris x fem!reader
word count: ~1.8k
warnings: strangers to lovers to strangers again (lando is a player lol), smut (MINORS DNI), slight choking, spit, fingering, p in v, unprotected sex (don't do this), a little of praise, the tiniest bif of fluff, angst in the end
please tell me if i'm forgetting anything!
note: hi, hello, i'm back! this took me way longer than i had intended but i went through a little writer's block and found myself staring at my screen for hours without writing a single word. this being said, not my proudest work but at least we're getting somewhere. this is the last part of this series i started a few weeks ago, it's not proofread but hope you enjoy it!
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very much against your will, your dad had dragged you with him to the annual christmas dinner that he and some old friends of his had been planning for weeks. he had promised you would leave early, but of course it was only a white lie so you would put up with it without much complaint.
that's how you found yourself sitting all alone in a small bench in the corner of the crowded bar, trying your best to ignore everything that was going around you, a little overwhelmed. you barely knew your dad's friends, and since he was busy entertaining some of them, you had decided to just get away from all of it for as long as possible.
"mind if i sit there?" a masculine voice took you back to reality, making you look up from where you were scrolling on your phone.
you quickly recognized him: lando norris, the son of one of your dad's old classmates. your dad had mentioned him once or twice, but you didn't really know much about him.
uninterested, you shrugged and scooped a little to the side to leave some room for him to sit. he did so, sighing as you went back to your phone when silence fell hard between you two, his back resting against the bench and his eyes scanning the crowd.
"want to dance?" lando broke the silence after a few minutes, and you felt his eyes on you. you cocked an eyebrow at him, surprised with his question. your eyes went back to the crowd when you noticed that the music was louder than before; everyone had a drink in their hands and while some people engaged in conversation, others swinged to the rhythm of the music.
"you don't actually want to dance," you finally answered with a roll of your eyes and a low chuckle.
"come on, don't be boring!" he insisted, standing up and offering you his hand with a smirk. you considered turning him down again, but ended up accepting his offer with a sigh, if you were gonna be forced to attend that stupid dinner, you might as well enjoy yourself for a while.
you took his hand in yours and he pulled you up before quickly guiding you to the crowd.
୨୧
only about an hour later, you found yourself in the elevator to his apartment, your body pressed to the mirror as his hands rested on your lower back and your arms wrapped around his neck while you exchanged hungry, desperate kisses.
after a few dances and some small talk, his lips had found the spot right under your ear as he whispered how gorgeous you looked in that dress. he was quick to suggest calling a taxi, and you nodded in agreement without even having time to think about it.
just one night, no strings attached. you both wanted the same thing.
he guided you through the corridor to his apartment the second the elevator's doors opened, his hands holding your hips as you walked backwards. he pressed you against the door, lips still locked as he looked for his keys in the pockets of his jeans.
as he opened the door, his arm wrapped around your waist, holding you against him. he ushered you inside, quickly trapping your body once again between him and the wall of his entryway. his hands traveled down from your waist to your ass as he attacked your lips again, making you whimper when he gave you a gentle squeeze.
his fingers slipped down to the back of your thighs, where he softly patted your skin over your dress, instructing you to jump. you immediately complied, legs wrapping around his waist while his hands cupped your ass, pulling your dress up so he could feel the warmth of your skin.
lando softly groaned against your lips when your fingers found their way to his hair and tugged on it softly. he pressed his body closer to yours, leaving no space between you two and making you feel his hardness against your thigh now that your dress was pooling at your hips.
"fuck," you mumbled, clenching around nothing.
"can't wait to be inside you," he whispered in between kisses, making you whimper as you felt one of his hands sliding between your legs, fingers pulling your underwear to the side.
he pulled away ever so slightly, just enough to look at your eyes as he coated two of his digits in your arousal before sliding them inside your pussy. your eyes fluttered close almost immediately, another sigh leaving your lips as your walls enveloped him perfectly.
"eyes on me, baby. wanna see those pretty eyes," his voice was low, his breath against your lips making you try to grind down on his palm.
you obeyed once again, looking at him through half-lidded eyes as he slowly pumped his fingers into you, teasingly. one of your hands cupped his cheek as you admired his features, your eyes finally locking into his green orbs, the intensity on his gaze making you clench around his digits.
"feels so good," you panted, trying to keep your eyes open as you held yourself on his neck. "need more," you added, biting your lower lip to hold back a louder moan as you felt him curl his fingers inside of you.
"impatient, are we, baby?" he asked with a chuckle.
"please, lando," you panted, your voice sounding weaker than you intended. at your plea, you felt him withdrawing his fingers from your core and bringing them to your mouth.
he gently tapped on your bottom lip, prying you to open your mouth for him. your lips parted slowly and he didn't waste any time to slide his fingers inside, making you taste yourself on him. you softly hummed and felt your eyelids finally giving up as you sucked on his fingers eagerly.
"good girl," he murmured, pulling his digits out againt and slowly moving to undo his jeans.
as he still held you against the wall, his pants and underwear pooling at his feet, he spat on his hand before stroking his cock a couple of times, his eyes on your face as you looked down at him. he tapped on your chin so you would look at him as he positioned himself at your entrance, the pink flush on your cheeks bringing a smile to his face as he started pushing inside of you slowly, both of you moaning in unison as you enveloped his whole length.
he pushed you further into the wall for added support, one of his hands on your hip and the other resting on the wall. lando found the spot between your jaw and your collarbone and hid his face as he bottomed out, a muffled grunt leaving his lips as he felt you clenching around him already.
he let you adjust to his size for a few seconds before starting to roll his hips into yours slowly, starting to pick up the pace as he left small, wet kisses on your neck and up to your jaw.
"fuck, baby, taking me so well," he panted when his lips reached yours, swallowing a moan from your throat as he licked into your mouth.
one of his hands slid between your legs, fingertips finding your clit and lazily starting to play with it as he fucked you. the added stimulation had you rolling your eyes back, your fists holding his shirt as he pushed you against the wall again and again, his lips muffling the filthy sounds coming out of your mouth.
"oh my god," you whined, feeling his thrust become harder and his cock reaching even deeper inside you, your hands finding their way under his shirt so your nails could dig on his lower back, urging him closer.
you felt his hand creeping up from your pussy to your neck, fingers circling around your throat and applying a slight pressure on the sides of your neck, making you throw your head back against the wall with a loud mewl.
"'m close," you managed to choke out in between pants, feeling the knot in your stomach about to snap when his grip on you became tighter, fingers bruising your delicate skin.
his thrusts became sloppier, breath heaview as his low, raspy moans sent you over the edge. your body tensed up and your pussy clenched around him as you cried out.
the tight grip on his cock was enough for lando to spill inside you only a few seconds later, thrusts lazy as he rode both of your orgasms out. he finally let go of your throat as you panted into each other's mouths, his hands now holding your shaking legs around his hips.
he slowly let go of you, placing you back on your feet tenderly. he helped you get out of your dress, and walked you to his bathroom to get you cleaned. the nice gestures took you by surprise, you had never had a guy seem to care like that.
not that you had really wanted it either, but when he guided you to his bed, covered both your bodies with a blanket and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, you couldn't help a smile from creeping up to your lips.
and it wasn't what you had promised before leaving the bar during the christmas dinner, but you found your way back to his bed only a few days later. and inevitably, you did again the very next week. it felt different this time, falling for someone. he cared, he made sure to make you feel loved every single day for a little over two months.
but when he had to leave again for pre-season testing, you felt everything crumbling when you caught yourself checking your phone for the tenth time that minute, in hopes that his name would pop on your screen again.
you looked at the last text you sent him, asking if he had landed already. only for it to not get delivered.
you knew he had. you had seen pictures of him at the airport posted by fans on social media hours ago. you sighed as you realized that he had, most likely, blocked your number, not wanting to do anything with you anymore.
and you should've expected it, you had heard stories about his ways of playing around. but for a few months, you had believed he could be the one for you.
you felt stupid, heart-broken even. you had fallen head over heels for him, and now all you knew is you would never be able to love anyone like you had loved him again.
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raggedytiger · 3 months
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ragatha/agatha and pomni/penny human hcs!
(r)agatha:
is an english teacher!
yes she still loves horses. she used to ride them, & she loves old western movies.
owns cowboy hat and boots.
analytical and loves long & winding conversations.
has a very happy cat named sandwich.
patches her own clothes, doesn't have kids but if she did she would embroider their names into their belongings.
she still plays cello, she loves music in general, probably sings like an angel.
can't do any mathematics.
can drive, but like a lunatic. somehow has never had an accident though, so it's fine.
probably has a cute little baby blue/yellow car now, but definitely had a beat up offroader truck at some point that got put to good use. or maybe she still does, i'm not the boss.
total lesbian, a bit of a heartbreaker but not intentionally (women just keep falling for her)
goes to town/neighbourhood/community meetings. likely is/was in a knitting circle
absurd number of quilts in her home
pomni/penny:
is an accountant as we know, and cannot cook for shit as we know.
no pets she can barely take herself for walks. is more similar to a cat, but had a dog growing up. would love a collie or a dalmatian probably.
would name the dog something stupid like Thermometer Johnson.
she can drive, but nervously.
really quick thinker, like impressively, unless she's under HUGE amounts of stress. is literally always thinking at 100mph.
no sense of interior decor or personal style. all practical, kind of butch. really does kill a suit.
very much lesbian but not fully to terms with it. probably had short-lived relationships with men in which she was 'content' but didn't really care for it. seeing agatha as agatha for the first time was probably a crazy punch to her little gay heart. not to mention the cowboy gear.
autistic
watches 90s anime to wind down
listens to every single genre of music. passes a lot of time with headphones in, slowly making her way thru the entire world's discography
owns no band merch or anything though she just listens
can't sleep without a fan on, thunderstorm 12hr audio, blackout curtains, weighted blanket, water nearby
does not sleep a lot
both of them (going to call them pomni and ragatha for convenience):
didn't immediately recognise one another. i havent got an exact idea of how they reunited after getting out, but there were tears.
bonded in a very rare and unique way - they got to revel in the newfound joys of real life again. they got to eat delicious food, go on long, unobstructed walks in the real sun, be warmed by it, chew on ice cubes and shiver at the pain, listen to each other's heartbeats, listen to real music, read real books, smell soaps and flowers and sauces. they went to the supermarket together and read all the labels, and bought one of each type of fruit to try between them, and smelled all the candles, and touched all the blankets. spent a lot of time holding hands and kissing and i'm sorry to say, probably having sex, because holy shit, i'm real, you're real, we're real
now live together in ragatha's apartment, after pomni moved out of her small and confusingly-furnished flat.
both of them feel inadequate from time to time. this is resolved by a stern-but-loving talking-to.
sandwich likes pomni very much. pomni doesn't really get cats, but loves sandwich a great deal, and enjoys letting her sleep on her lap.
ragatha is very pleased to see her girls getting along.
ragatha cooks, pomni chops the veg. she often doesn't fuck it up
pomni cleans a lot as a 'thank you for letting me live here, i love you'. she's very much acts of service, ragatha is words & physical touch <3
they watch a lot of movies together. depending on how long they've been stuck, they might have culture to catch up on
ragatha wants to have a house with a garden one day. pomni starts germinating seeds from their fruit & veg like a weird science experiment. ragatha is delighted when she is presented with a baby tomato plant.
clothes are shared. ragatha's are bigger, but most of pomni's are ill-fitting anyway so it can go both ways. ragatha likes to dress pomni up in different outfits and have her do a little fashion show. pomni pretends not to savour the confidence boost.
pomni starts sleeping more
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mossghosst · 10 days
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ninjago doesn’t want you to know this but actually all the forgotten side characters are just having the cowboy season during dragons rising. yeah your obscure fav too
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wrestlingwithlife · 9 months
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Task Force 141 Boys with Cowboy (Head canons)
Decided I’d write some head cannons for Cowboy!Reader with our main boys either that haven’t written about yet or have but are so cute I wanted to reiterate <3
Task Force 141 x Cowboy!Reader
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Soap :
#1 hype man fr 🗣️🗣️
Absolutely obsessed 😍
Will literally find any excuse to get Y/n to talk just to hear his accent
After watching Ghost get man handled by him he actually begged Y/n to spar with him
Looks up southern stuff to say to Y/n
“Y/n, will you take me to a Honkytonk? 🥺”
He tries his best but at this point he’s just doing it to get a reaction
Stumbled across the song “F***** by a Country Boy” and thought all country music was like that
Couldn’t look Y/n in the eye with hearing it in his head for a solid week
Never sleeps better then when his head is in Y/n’s lap
Literally will sleep like a rock
Soap is usually the one who falls asleep on Y/n
He didn’t realize how cuddly Y/n actually was until after one fateful night
Soap had came to watch old murder files with the southern male one night
Y/n fell asleep on Soap’s shoulder, slumbering silently
When Soap went to lean forward to grab his water he was yanked back into Y/n
Y/n bear hugged him to his chest and refused to let him go
Soap cherished that moment for the rest of forever
Added ‘Save a horse ride a cowboy’ to his Instagram bio
Has def stolen Y/n hat and tried it on
Y/n didn’t have the heart to tell him about the hat rule
But he’ll handle it eventually~
Absolute thigh guy
Has been caught staring so many times
Does not care
Continues to stare 👀
Has asked Y/n to crush him between his thighs
Y/n thought he was joking
He was not
#relatable
Ghost :
Absolutely whipped
Won’t even deny it if someone calls him out
He’s all about that Honkytonk Badonkadonk🤠
When Y/n says a word or phrase he doesn’t understand he just nods along until the male walks away, in which he will whip out his phone and immediately search it up
When Y/n mentioned there were times he missed his horses he made it his personal mission to find horses for him to pet
Ended up finding a place nearby that did horse therapy
He and Y/n both went and they absolutely loved it
The horses absolutely adored Y/n and smothered him with love
The southern male was happy to reciprocate
Ghost took a picture of it and now it’s his Lock Screen
Ghost was nervous the horses weren’t going to like him
Most animals don’t like his mask
Was elated when he realized the horses didn’t care about it
They really started to love him when Y/n showed Ghost how to feed them
Ghost was in heaven
He grew particularly fond of an old shire mare
She was all white and covered in scars but she was so impossibly gentle for her massive size
The worker said they called her Big Mama and she’d was a retired logging horse that had been rescued from going to slaughter
She adored Ghost and followed him everywhere
The workers explained she had a knack for taking the more nervous horses and animals on the ranch under her wing and making them feel a safe
Ghost almost cried when he hugged her 🥺
Now where Soap liked to sleep on Y/n, Ghost prefers to have Y/n sleep on him
Was laying in bed with Y/n one night while scrolling through his phone
Y/n was already snoozing 😴
Ghost went to put his phone on the nightstand only to get yanked back
Bro was shocked
Y/n snatched him back, burrowing under his arm
Almost cried again 🥹
Price :
Absolutely adores Y/n southern culture
Has a little notebook where he keeps stuff he learned from Y/n written down 🖊️
Occasionally uses southern slang around Y/n but unlike Soap he’s completely serious
Except the word Ain’t
He refuses to say that
When he finds out Y/n feels homesick he does everything he can to help
Gets Y/n all his favorite things
Favorite candies, books, flowers, even got Y/n a cow stuffie when he talked about missing his animals
Y/n put it next to his horse stuffie he got him last week
Price is a good cook but he doesn’t usually have the urge to do it that often
But when Y/n talked about a dish from his home town he missed??
Price spent two day’s learning how to make it and getting the stuff
Whipped that shit up like freaking master chef
The cowboy was elated and gave Price the most bone crushing hug
Snuck a little cheek kiss in there too 💋
Price’s cheeks turned pink so fast
I’m just going to say it…
Has drunk made out with Y/n before 🤯
The two got absolutely turnt on whiskey and just went for it
They never spoke about it after that but when they get close they still think about it
Price misses how the American male tastes
Something definitely awoke in him the day that he watched Y/n ride that mechanical bull
In a game of ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’ Y/n would Marry Price a hundred times over
I mean, me too 😍
Tried southern Cajun food that Y/n made once and his heart almost stopped
It tasted good and then all of a sudden everything was on fire
Did better at holding his spice then Soap tho so 10/10
Y/n’s go to after solo missions
Y/n will stumble into his office all tired and instead of pulling up a chair just plops on the floor and leans his head on Price’s leg
Price just plays with his hair while he finishes paper work
He’d be lying if he said his mind didn’t occasionally wander with how close Y/n was to his nether regions 😜
Gaz :
Trails Y/n like a puppy 🐶
I mean this boy hangs off his every word
If Y/n ever has to run an errand off the base you best believe Gaz will be going with him
Also looks up southern slang to understand Y/n better
Also listened to “F***** by a Country Boy” and couldn’t look Y/n in the eyes for a solid week
Always offers to help Y/n when he works out
Sometimes gets distracted when he’s spotting but no one can blame the poor boy
Acts of service is def his love language ❤️
Demands to know the names of every animal Y/n owns
Made a playlist of songs that Y/n mentioned he liked
Listens to it constantly
Likes to ‘help’ Y/n cook
Really just hands him stuff that Y/n asks for
Handles the spices the best out of any of them
When it’s just the two of them going out for whatever reason he’ll just grab onto Y/n somehow
Holding a hand, the hem of a jacket or shirt, or intertwining their arms
Y/n is happy to reciprocate
People will come up to Gaz while Y/n is distracted and compliment how cute of a couple they are
Just thanks them and doesn’t deny it ever
Sleeps in Y/n’s bed more then his own
Y/n will be working at his desk and Gaz will just wander in in and plop onto his bed to sleep
If Y/n takes to long Gaz will sigh loudly till he gets the hint
Always fights Soap for Y/n’s lap on movie nights
Besides Price he’s probably got the best sense of self control
He ain’t perfect though
Is Y/n isn’t watching him he is LOCKED ON
Always locked onto those cheeks 🥵
His mind does tend to wander
Y/n could ask Gaz to fake his death and run away with him and Gaz would do it in a heartbeat
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daisygirlwrites · 1 year
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Task Force 141 + Reader (Callsign-Crash): friendship headcanons
a/n: Hello hello! Just some random headcanons that I had written down for Crash and her relationships with the members of the 141 team. Nothing romantic, just some wholesome stuff.
original gif by @collinnmckinley
also, this is really freaking long, sorry in advance. enjoy reading! 
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Before getting thrown out the window and getting her callsign, she was quiet and shy around the group. Opting to listen to others conversations, rarely adding to it.
Honestly intimidated with how tightly knit the team is, and given her previous team’s history, she was scared to get close.
Volunteered to be the DD whenever the group goes out to a bar. Fortunately, most of the time, Ghost is sober(enough) to help her get everyone into the car and into their rooms
Would silently comfort Soap and Gaz whenever they threw up, rubbing their backs and getting them water.
In the mornings after, she got everyone a breakfast burrito. Soap and Gaz are eternally grateful. Got a little information about her when they asked why she got them food. “Help with my hangovers during college.” Soap and Gaz gave each other a look as she walks away
After the window incident, Crash becomes a lot more open. Seeing how they treat her as if she has been with them for years, it wasn’t fair to them with how closed off she was.
Soap:
He talks to you a lot and you don’t mind. He just comes out and starts rambling on whatever he has interested him at that moment. You don’t really say anything, just sitting there awkwardly (because why would he want to talk to the newbie instead of his friends) but nodding to what he says anyways. One time though, he looks at you and says “Thanks for listening to me. It’s nice to have someone not tell me to ‘Shut the fuck up Mactavish.’”
Literally you after he tells you this:
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“you’re my friend now. we’re having soft tacos later” vibes
Would send him memes and funny videos whenever you guys are on leave
His contact name on your phone is “Bubbles”
Would show you how to make bombs out of random shit. Set them off in bare fields or abandon buildings. Had a couple close calls
Will let you call him Johnny but you call him Mac instead.
“Aww, why not, lassie?”
“I’d rather not get my ass beat by your boyfriend.”
Calls you Lassie along with your callsign. When he wants to piss you off, he calls you Mini Ghost or Little Ghost
Like Ghost, you rarely take off your balaclava and tactical glasses
“The mask, take it off.”
“Nah, I don’t wanna.”
“You ugly?”
“Not as ugly as you old man.”
Has yet to seen you drunk though and he intends to get you there some day
Holds his hand when he’s throwing up
You would use him as a pillow during rides back to the base
The first person to tell him about any drama that’s happening in your life
Gives you advice about men
"Men are stupid, trust me, I am one."
Loves it when you would go on ramblings about the things you like. Anime confuses the hell out of him but he would always ask you about the plot and your favorite characters. He’d ask you about the current artist you listen to and has a list of recommendations from you so he could look them up when he gets home
After a mission gone wrong and believing that it was his fault, you seek him out, finding him sitting alone in the meeting room. You tell him
“It’s going to be okay. I trust you, John.”
He tears up and you wrap your arms around him.
Gaz:
With you two being the youngest, you bond over similar experiences
Sometimes share exactly one brain cell with each other. Sometimes you, Gaz and Soap share a brain cell
Brings out the chaotic gen z energy of each other
Your guys’ energy:
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Follows each other on social media and would send each other tiktoks at ungodly hours
Kind of have a competition against each other to see who’s Price’s favorite child is
Gaz finally has someone who he can talk about anime with
Favorite shows to watch together: Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo  and Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
Similar music taste. The whole team listens to Queen, David Bowie, Pink Floyd and a few more others. However, Gaz and Crash have the same love of rap and indie pop. Anything they find on tiktok will be added to their shared Spotify playlist.
Gaz would ask about how college was like. He thought about going but ultimately for him, the military was the better option
“Were you part of a sorority?”
“Oh hell no. Loved going to the parties though. Always had top shelf vodka.”
“Really? Thought students couldn’t afford it.”
“When it comes to alcohol, we find a way.”
Share the same sentiment of feeling like they’re not doing enough in the team. After a particularly rough mission, you two would find a corner and just sit together in silence.
Would break the silence by quoting something from vine or tiktok and all things would be okay again
Price:
He has adoption papers ready
Crash, despite your name, is polite, respectful and responsible. Would always help Price clean up after meetings and briefs
Same with Soap, you would listen quietly to Price’s war stories and even his favorite fishing trips
Saw in your file about what happened to your old team and captain. Vows to never pull the same stunt as them
Sadden to see how you’re so young and has seen and dealt with many things already. It breaks his heart that there’s more that you’ll experience. 
You, Soap and Gaz would do dumb shit all the time but you knew when it was the right time to bail. Of course, they would snitch on you to Price. You’d rarely get in trouble though
Basically you two:
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Would gift him cigars from the countries you’d visit during leave
Also a matching set of torch lighters. His has a special green flame while yours is pink. 
You don’t smoke anymore but you would hangout with him and help him finish reports together.
Price often thinks about a life where he didn’t join the military. A life of normalcy. To go to a home filled with life. 
Would have loved to have kids and technically, he still can but his job makes it almost impossible. 
But with Gaz and now you, you two are his pride and joy.
Would be the “hip” dad and will always ask about the new slang and memes
“This food is-what you kids call it...uh, busting!”
You and Gaz look at each other, “It’s bussin’.”
“This food is bussin’!”
Ghost:
Did not to want to get close to you at all. 
Was honestly peeved when Price told him that he was going to mentor you
“I don’t want to play babysitter, Captain.”
Surprised to see how short you were. All of the rumors and information he was told, they never mention your size
At first, he hated how you would follow him around like a lost puppy. 
“Leave me alone, go bother Soap or something.”
Doesn’t miss the flash of hurt in your eyes but you turn around anyways.
Before you joined, he, Price and Laswell were all sitting in Price’s office, his phone on speaker. He was reading over your file before Price’s contact said
“She reminds me of Ghost when I worked with him seven years ago.”
He looks up from the folder, Price’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and Laswell nodding.
“I think we’ll have her transferred to us,” Price replies.
Hates to admit but he’s impressed. Thought the rumors was bullshit but you proved him wrong, time and time again
You still have a lot of things to learn and even more practice to do but he believes in you
Does not go easy. He’s merciless. Has put you down countless times and reprimanded you more. You would always leave training sessions with a new bruise. The rest of the team gets concerned with his training methods.
But you still get up and you blink away the tears whenever he shouts at you
At about five months after you joined, on a mission, you spot an enemy behind him before he does and without a word, you quickly take your knife out and throw it towards the man behind him. 
He opens his mouth to yell at you but he sees the enemy on the corner of his eye and watch him slump down. Your knife stuck in his bleeding neck
Gives you a nod after that. Pulling out your knife and handing it back to you
Knife throwing would be one of the training sessions you’d do. It was also a good time for some small chat
Finds out that you’re also a part of the “Dead Mom, Shitty Dad” club
It takes a year for him to SLIGHTLY open up to you
Told you about one of his favorite dishes his mom made and his favorite Queen song was ‘You’re My Best Friend’
Even told you how he likes his Earl Grey prepared
It scares him of how much you remind him of his mom and brother. You have her kindness and his determination. He will never tell you this
You, along with the team, become the very thing he cares about and will protect you to the best of his ability.
Bonus:
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thedevilspearl · 11 months
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wear the hat, ride the cowboy — obey me
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a/n: as promised, here are the obey me cowboys with the most votes, sorry it took so long to post ╥﹏╥ dia was originally meant to be included in this but his part got super long and will be posted as a separate fic <3
tags: 2.0k words, female reader x mammon (smoking, blowjob, riding, car sex) + beelzebub (size difference, size kink, riding, mating press). minors do not interact!
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𝐌𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍
clouds of smoke blow from mammon’s mouth as he looks down at you. you work wonders on his cock and he hisses as his tip hits the back of your throat.
“what a good girl.” he mumbles in a gruff voice and takes another puff of his cigar. “so pretty.”
he looks out over his ranch as he leans against his truck. you’re on your knees against the ground with your hands digging into his jeans as you face fuck him. his cock fills up your mouth and you pray for this to end with him filling up your pussy too.
you drove out with him to the edge of his ranch this morning to help him fix up a faulty fence. but there was little you could do in your little summer dress and cute cowboy boots. and mammon knew that so he told you to sit back and watch him while he works.
he wouldn’t want you to get your boots dirty. he knows how much you love them.
but as the hours passed under the beating sun, he began to speculate if you ever intended to help at all.
you were having fun sitting in the truck singing along to country music while wearing the hat you stole from him. but he felt your gaze on him; the constant burning on his back wasn’t coming from the high sun, but from your direction.
every time he glanced at you, you had your head in your hands with your elbows propped up on the open window of his truck, eyes glued to him and raking up and down his form as he dug a new fence into the ground.
to make an old cowboy like him blush is not an easy feat. but from the way you watched him closely as he worked on the fence, checking him out until he was sweating through his shirt, mammon felt both adored and turned on.
his cock began throbbing in his jeans and he wondered what kind of things he could do to you in that little dress. while you were benefiting from air conditioning in the truck, mammon’s body was growing hotter and hotter from the thought of you.
and when he was finally done, you jumped out the truck and pressed a kiss to his cheek while he lit up a cigar to relax.
“you worked so hard, baby,” you smile. “you deserve a reward.”
and that’s how you ended up on the ground with his cock deep in your throat. he exhales breathily, resting his head against the truck as you work him up to his orgasm. tension dissolves in his muscles from a simple swipe of your tongue, and before he knows it, he’s shooting ropes of cum down your throat.
the quiet air of the ranch is overcome with his groans and you feel your arousal sticking to your panties as you rub your thighs together for friction.
“is it my turn now?” you pant.
“i thought this was supposed to be my reward.”
“it is,” you grin. “and i’m the reward.”
he smirks in that infamously sexy way and swings open the truck door. as he settles in the driver’s seat, he pats his lap and says “hop on, darlin’.”
with a curt nod bringing your attention back to his hat on your head, know exactly what he means. it’s convenient how every single time you wear his hat, it ends with you riding him at any time and in any place.
he ruffles his hands through his hair while you fidget until you’re comfortable straddling him and he keeps his cigar in his other hand
“ready?” you tease, and wait for his charming wink before pulling aside your panties and sinking down on his cock. “oh my god!”
“not god,” he grunts. “it’s my cock that’s making ya feel good.”
“fuck!”
his hands grip your hips, digging into the flesh as you bounce up and down. you leverage yourself on the wheel, grabbing onto it behind you to hold yourself up while your hips do all the work and it allows you to spread your legs wider.
mammon is wholly enticed by the view, eyes locked on the way your pussy swallows his cock and coats it in a sheen of mixed arousal.
no words are needed. instead, a cacophony of moans and groans fill the vehicle and slowly turns into loud gasps and grunts mixing with the wet sounds of your pussy grinding on his cock.
you bounce with a messy rhythm and his cock hits all the right places, building up the tension in your gut and with one last bounce your body quivers around him. pleasure explodes and ripples through your twitching muscles and your eyes brim with tears.
“mammon!” you scream. “i’m cumming!”
“that’s it, baby,” he grunts. “cum all over my cock.”
he sticks his cigar between his teeth and uses both hands to grab your hips and fuck your trembling body on his cock. you look so pretty in that dress, and even prettier with his cock filling you up.
he rolls his hips slightly, gently fucking you both through the orgasm and his lips attach to the skin of your neck, sucking and biting with desperation.
you lean back gasping, resting against the steering wheel. with your head tossed back, mammon’s hat loses its balance but before it can slip off, you catch it and place it perfectly back on your head.
mammon can’t help but feel amused at the sight, a sense of pride filling his body as his orgasm fades.
he’s never been more happy to lend you his hat.
“attagirl.”
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𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐔𝐁
the metal bed frame squeaks from your vigorous spirit. bouncing on beel’s cock often feels like a chore because of its sheer size, especially when you’re doing all the work on top.
your thighs burn from lifting your hips up and down on his length. his cock is long and thick, making it more efficient to plant your feet into the mattress next to his thighs and wrap your arms around his neck for leverage as you slam down on him.
but it requires a lot of energy, good cardio and a whole lot of stamina which you’re beginning to run out of.
beel helps you a little, but he’s riled up and wants to see how long you can keep going before timing out.
and despite your aching muscles and desperate lungs, you keep going, working his thick cock in your greedy pussy because you are not one to lose a bet.
a few hours ago, beel had taken you to the local bar for a drink with his buddies where the conversation had naturally turned more adult. and if it wasn’t the talk alone that slowly turned you on, it was everyone’s interest in yours and beel’s sex life.
beel is a big guy. huge. no one could compare to his massive build. and you are significantly shorter than the cowboy, barely reaching his shoulders.
you always thought the size difference was a good thing. you’re at the perfect height to bury your face in his chest. and beel always grabs things from the top shelf for you. you work perfectly in unison regardless of size discrepancies.
but you didn’t realise the size difference meant everyone else would look at you and assume beel does all the work in the bedroom. it apparently fuelled everyone’s dirty minds and the teasing was endless.
they weren’t wrong.
beel does the work in the bedroom most of the time, but a small part of you felt offended by their condescending jokes that implied you were incapable of taking on a dominant role. you looked at beel, expecting him to defend you and tell them about all the times — the few times — you took the lead in the bedroom, but he sipped his drink quietly, letting them continue their joking.
you’re still unsure of what came over you in the moment, but you decided you were in a daring mood and scoffed loudly before saying:
“how about i ride ya tonight, cowboy?” you smirk. “i’ll remind ya how good i am at fucking ya sorry ass.”
beel stared at you wide–eyed and speechless and you swiped his hat from him and placed it atop your own head, earning jeers and whistles from the group.
beel has never been a confrontational person, in small matters at least. but he had no hesitation in grabbing your wrist and dragging you out of the bar. the usually long drive passed quick enough as he sped down the gravel roads back to the ranch. and the entire time, his hands reached over the console squeezing your thighs and groping between your legs.
when you arrived home, he hoisted you over his shoulder and marched to the bedroom, collapsing onto the old, creaky bed with a grunt. you’ve told him numerous times to replace the bed because it’s far too noisy, especially when you’re going at it like wild animals.
but there’s always something more important on the ranch that needs replacing and the squeaking bedframe, as irritating as it is, stands as a reminder that any bed, new or old, will undoubtedly make noise as long as beel is fucking you on it.
if anything, the noisy bedframe acts as competition for beel. he’ll fuck you so good that you’ll scream his name loud enough for the bed squeaking to be a long–forgotten thought.
but tonight, you’re stuck bouncing on his cock, disguising your breathlessness as moans and doing your best to hide the pain in your thighs.
riding beel is a workout and a half and you wonder if that’s why he’s always keen to be on top, because he doesn’t want you getting tired, which evidently means you can last longer because right now you’re not sure how much longer you can go on for.
“pussy’s so tight,” he groans, enjoying the different position after so long.
at least one of us is having a good time, you think.
you struggle to find your own pleasure in all of your efforts, and it frustrates you further because you know beel’s cock is teasing all the right places. but instead of focusing on the growing pleasure in your belly, you’re distracted by the exhaustion that comes with fucking a man as huge as beel.
fucking such a big, brawny guy exhausts you as much as it turns you on.
even when you switch from bouncing up and down to grinding your pussy back and forth, it’s far too much work to please the big man.
you can’t take it anymore and you still, collapsing onto him with his cock filling you to the brim, and you both to groan loudly.
“i’m sorry, beel,” you gasp for air. “i can’t go on.”
his big, rough, calloused heads capture your face and he brushes your sweaty hair behind your ear. your face glows from the glaze but he realises how tired you are from your flushed cheeks and droopy eyelids.
“we can stop.” he says simply.
“nuh–uh. let’s keep going. but i’m done doing all the work.”
the corners of his lips rise teasingly and he kisses your cheek, muttering sweet praises into your skin.
“so my little cowgirl ain’t all big and bad like she said?”
“no,” you shake your head with pouty lips. “i need you to take over. please? i’m exhausted.”
“all ya had to do was ask, baby,” he swipes his cowboy hat from atop your head and places it in its rightful place atop his. “guess i’ll be taking this back.”
he effortlessly lifts you, holding you close to ensure his cock doesn’t slip from your pussy, and places you onto the mattress. the frame screeches louder as he ruts into you like he always does — with the energy and precision that makes your pussy quiver in seconds.
“fuck, beel!”
his cock runs along your walls and he grabs your legs, tucking his arms behind your knees as he leans down, folding you in half in the process. it’s his favourite position, having you and your pussy completely at his mercy.
with hips completely pressed together, he draws back and slams into your pussy. you scream his name as he continues to ram into you with beastly energy.
“gonna fill ya up, baby,” he thrusts and grunts simultaneously. “gonna stuff ya ‘till ya can’t take any more.”
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macfrog · 8 months
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if i had a gun cowboy like me chapter 12.5 (joel's pov)
long-awaited, pain-packed, and sealed with a bow by yours truly. i love y'all. thank you for being so patient and kind with me on this one. this chapter is joel's experience of the end of illicit affairs and all of hits different. you might wanna check those chapters out before you indulge in the angst-fest that is this one. hope you enjoy 🧡
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pairing: dbf!joel x fem!reader
summary: walk a mile in joel miller's shoes. see if you'd do anything different
warnings: more heartache, more angst, lois, alcohol + drug consumption, mention of reader being roofied, very brief mention of joel punching knox, age gap (reader is 23, joel is 48), cursing
word count: 9.8k
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“Right. Sorry. It’s just…we kinda have a…situation, here.” It’s you. He fucking knows it’s you. His heart begins to hammer. He doesn’t give a fuck whether she puts two and two together or not when he asks – “Where is she?” “We’re still at Frank’s,” Anna says, sniffing. He can hear the booming bassline of music, muffled; the sharper chatter of voices. She’s on the street. In his head, he can see her shoulders hunched; her bare arms wrapped around her body for warmth. She goes to say it again. “We’re still at –” “’n where is she?” Joel cuts, and she finally cracks.
You’re still fast asleep when he lifts his head.
You’ve had this argument plenty before. I do not snore. Yes, baby, you do. I’ve heard you. I don’t! It’s alright, it’s okay that you do. It’s a cute snore. Joel, I don’t fucking –
Right now, he’s pretty certain you’re snoring. He just wishes you were awake to hear yourself.
He thinks about pulling his phone, taking a video so that once you’re up, you can hear the little bursts of air, the tiny rasps from your nostrils as you snooze. But if he ever did record anything like that – just like the Hillcrest pictures, until you’d found them last night – he’d keep it for himself. Wouldn’t offer it up so easily.
Just something for him to have, for all the time he spends without you.
Your hair’s still all over the place. Tangled in Joel’s right arm, still smelling of chlorine and sex. Your head rests softly on the crook of his elbow like it’s a pillow; your lips and eyes are puffy, tired. You have this ridiculously strong vice grip on his left arm; during the night he felt you wrap your wrists around it and pull it into your chest, tucking it gently under your chin until your entire upper half was drowned in his.
His chest snug against your back, his arms encasing you safely, and his hips…his hips lined with yours. His now semi-hard cock buried between your legs – he’d slept inside you last night, and it was like, after forty-eight years, someone finally took him by the shoulders and said: This is how you do it. This is how you rest.
He was out as soon as his head hit the pillow, soon as his eyes fell shut. He stirred only to feel you maneuvering his arm, and then fell straight back asleep.
He felt comfortable. He felt safe. Big, old, tough guy Joel Miller. Never let anybody in since Sarah’s mom left. Alone for almost seventeen years, and fine with it. His cheeks heat at the idea of needing – of wanting to feel that. Safe. But then you came along, and he realized he’d been waiting his whole life to feel it. Didn’t even notice he’d been missing it.
That’s how these things go, right? Can’t miss what you don’t have, and all that.
But now he has it. Now he has you.
And you make him feel things he’s never felt before, or if he has, it was so fucking long ago that he’s forgotten. You drive him fucking insane. Keep him up at night, wondering what the hell he’s gotten himself into. Make him do stuff that his reflection glares at him over. Are you being serious right now? Make him…different. New.
The night before last, when he’d picked you up from Frank’s after rodeo night, he promised to make you a big breakfast in the morning. Compensation for not swinging by McDonald’s on the way home. But then your dad called, and you had to take off before Joel had even properly woken up.
When he eventually rose from the bed, he went straight to the store. Stocked up on eggs, flour, sugar, bananas. He’d printed a recipe from his computer while you were gone. Marked the items off as he meandered through the store. Stood for ten minutes deliberating over which gluten-free flour would be best, before an assistant asked if he needed any help.
I’m good, he muttered, and then, as the kid wandered off, cleared his throat and said, Actually –
Greg – the kid assistant in question – had suggested the red bag. Said it’s corn flour, instead of wheat. Joel can’t pronounce the brand name. He just knows it’s tucked behind a box of cereal in the cupboard downstairs – he hid it there so you wouldn’t find it and snuff out his plan.
His plan, which he now has to put into action. Without waking you. He’d lie here forever just staring at you, if he hadn’t sworn to himself to make good on his promise and cook you some damn pancakes.
So he slowly pulls his left hand from between yours, loosening your death grip, and steals it back across your waist. He does the same for his right arm – more careful, though, so he doesn’t tug on your hair. Like some kind of wild cat creeping through the jungle, every moment calculated and careful.
He bunches the comforter up a little at your back, so that if you do stir, it might feel like he’s still there. Still a weight, curving around you. He takes a good five minutes just to travel the length of the room – the lightest he’s ever walked, dodging the spots on the carpet that he knows make the floorboards squeal.
When the door gently clicks back into place, he heads downstairs. Cracks out his frying pan – non-stick, obviously – and all his ingredients, pulls the printed recipe from its hiding place between two cookbooks and lays it out on the counter, flattening the creases and unfolding the corners. And gets to it.
His first egg cracks messily over the lip of the bowl. The yolk runs down the outside, and he curses before swiping it back up with his index finger. The second egg empties fully inside the bowl, but drags with it tiny fragments of shell. Joel spends five minutes focusing on picking every single piece out of the mixture. He crouches to make sure he’s poured the exact amount of milk, eyes level with the top of the liquid, and he double checks every step before he follows it.
This has to be perfect. Has to be. For you.
The entire time, all he can think about is you asking to sleep with his body inside yours. Wanting him closer than you’d ever wanted him before, as close as he could physically be. Your sleepy voice circles between his ears on loop – want somethin’ else. That safe feeling creeps up on him all over again.
He knows he shouldn’t. He can’t. He’s spent the last month purposefully pushing those feelings down, dampening them anytime they rose to the surface. Only allowing himself to feel them, to acknowledge them, when you’re around. Because he can’t fucking help but acknowledge them when you’re here – they stare him straight in the face.
So he’d been making peace with letting the floodgates open just a little bit at a time – one quick rush whenever you’d give him one of your meaningful glances, when your hot skin would brush against his, when your mouth would fall open at the feeling of his first deep thrust inside you.
And then he’d bolt them back up.
Except that, now…he’s not sure the dam can hold much longer. There are cracks he’s not repairing quickly enough. Unintended consequences hammering against the other side of the stone in the form of angry white waves.
He’s staring at the beige circle of batter in the pan, swept off with the waves into someplace far from his kitchen, when the sound of your voice draws him back.
“Joel? You down there?”
The floorboards at the top of his stairs creak. You’re leaning over the banister.
“Yeah, darlin’, I’m here.” He slips halfway out of the kitchen door, closing it over his body in hopes you won’t smell the pancakes. You ask what he’s doing, and he says, “Just makin’ a coffee. You want anything brought up?”
“I’m good,” you reply. “’m gonna take a shower.”
“Alright, baby. There’s probably some stuff in Sarah’s bathroom you can use.”
He listens closely as your footsteps recede, waiting to hear the hum of his shower before he relaxes again, flipping the pancake over. It sizzles away as he runs one thick finger along the inside of the bowl and tastes his handiwork. Pretty damn good, he thinks. He’s sucking his finger clean when his cell goes.
Joel swipes to answer, and before he can utter a Hello?, your dad’s voice is screaming down the line to him.
“Mornin’, pal! You in? You up?”
He figures this is the infamous speakerphone you rambled for ten minutes about last night. Like a fucking foghorn, man. I’m deaf in this ear now.
He doesn’t wait for Joel to respond. “I was just passin’ by, remembered you got that leakin’ pipe, or whatever it is. Under your sink, right? You good for me to drop in ‘n take a look?”
“Uh – uh, I’m –” Joel stammers his way through a sentence he doesn’t know the ending of, slotting the phone between his cheek and his shoulder and giving the pan a rattle against the stovetop. He slips the spatula under the mixture, and when he flips it over, the pancake is charcoal black. “Fuck.”
“What’s that?” you dad roars, deafening in Joel’s ear. Fuckin’ speakerphone.
“Nothin’, it’s…” He sighs, accepting his new-found position: backed into a fucking corner. What’s new these days?
“Yeah, I’m up. See you in a bit.”
He hangs up the phone midway through an Alright, buddy from your dad, and whacks the chargrilled pancake on top of the pile. His phone surfs across the counter in a blur of blind panic, before Joel’s taking the stairs two at a time to get to you.
The door’s ajar. He can hear you quietly singing to yourself. Same song you’re always fucking singing, always trying to coax Joel into singing along with you. You’re humming the guitar solo when he whips the door open.
“Hey, hey,” he’s panting, taking your towel in one hand and reaching for the shower door with the other, a blur of movement before his eyes like he’s not in control of his own body. “Out.”
“Huh?” you reply, blinded by the soap suds running down your forehead and into your eyes.
“Baby,” Joel whispers, desperate, “you gotta get out. He’s here. Your damn dad’s here.”
He drags you over to the first place he spots: his closet. He knows it’s no fucking good, but he can hear your dad’s car squealing to a halt in his drive, and he’s in a blink panic wondering what artefacts, what evidence of your being here lie dotted around his house. Your bikini’s hanging up out back, there’s probably a hoodie still strewn over the back of his couch.
He doesn’t have time to think, though, because in the midst of his mental scan of every room whilst explaining to you what’s going on, your dad’s heavy boots just thudded onto his doormat.
“Miller?” he calls up the stairs. And Joel closes the closet over.
----------
He stands by the front door watching your dad’s car purr off down the street, waiting until it turns left and disappears behind the Dawsons’ back fence to shut the door. When he turns back into his hallway, the house is uncomfortably silent. You’re still up in his room.
The weight of your phone pulls at the waistband of his jeans. He slips his hand into his back pocket, fishes it out, and takes one step toward the stairs. The screen lights in his palm.
There’s a cluster of notifications from some film class group chat, a couple Snapchats from Sarah. A reminder to take your birth control from some pink-icon app, and then –
I’m heading over to Joel’s to check something out for him. Wanna meet me there?
He stares at it until the text burns into his eyes. Blinks, and it’s seared into his lids. His breath leaves his chest in a heavy, burdened sigh. It trembles as it pushes from his lungs. He feels something burning under his skin. All over.
He’s angry. And he’s trying to keep it contained.
Keep it where it lies, keep it beneath the surface. Stop it from pooling right behind his lips, collecting in the light of his eyes. Keep it from revealing itself. But when his foot lifts to the first step, it’s like a deadweight in the air.
He’s angry. But he’s fucking exhausted.
The bedroom is empty when Joel pushes the door open. You’re still hidden in the closet. You don’t look up at him when he pulls on the shuttered door, letting light flood across your hands, still covering your face. There are flicks of dripping wet hair peeking out from under the towel on your head.
He wants to put his arms around you. Wants to kiss you all over. Tell you, It’s okay, it’s alright. He didn’t see nothin’.
But he can’t. Because neither of those things are true.
Your dad saw the cowgirl hat. Hell of a lot like a hat my daughter has. It sent a sharpened bolt of panic through Joel’s body the second the words came tumbling out. He might’ve seen your bag lying at the bottom of the stairs. Might’ve passed your car on his drive here. There are so many loose fucking ends.
And more than that – harder to accept: maybe this isn’t okay anymore. Maybe it hasn’t been the entire time. And maybe, despite all his good efforts and the fucking way you make him feel, despite it being weeks now of tiptoeing and lying and covering your tracks – maybe you finally crossed a line.
He can’t look at you a second longer. His heart’s in his throat. If he opens his mouth to speak, he’ll probably choke. Break down. So he walks away.
You follow him downstairs a few minutes later, fully dressed and silent. Your touch sweeps across his shoulder blades, and it takes everything in him not to turn to you then and there. Come here, kiss me. Pretend none of it’s happening, just for a moment.
He sets your plate down in front of you. He’s taken the burnt pancake. He follows a pattern: cuts into the food, glances out to the backyard, and back to the plate. It’s the only thing keeping the words from rolling out onto the table in front of him. The only thing stopping him from –
You kick his leg. So gently, he barely feels it.
“You gonna eat?” he asks in response, chewing on the smoky flavor of burnt batter. Your hands hesitate, and he feels his own flinch as if to take them, rub them, squeeze them. And then he watches as you drag your knife through your own breakfast.
He wants you to yell at him. He wants to give meaning to the guilt he feels. He knows what’s coming, and he isn’t so sure that you do.
This is…impossible. It has been, from the start. Always sneaking off, coming up with excuses. So many fucking excuses, he can’t even keep them straight in his head anymore. She’s here, droppin’ my flannel off. Now we’re upstairs, I’m showin’ her my guitar. Need her to help with decorations. Your TV’s broken, did you know that? Don’t mind us, just sat in this private corner of my backyard, out of view of fucking everyone. I’ll pick her up from her rodeo night, take her home. She’s at Anna’s all day today, right?
And your dad – kind and naïve, or maybe just so fucking gullible that every single one lands like the flour did in the egg mixture. Just gracefully floats down into his brain, absorbs itself and folds perfectly into place.
So, yell at him. Get mad. Make him feel like the fucking asshole he knows he is. Leading you on, and letting you get close to him, and then when it gets too hard – pushing you away. Doesn’t matter if that’s what he did or not; doesn’t matter whether he did or didn’t mean it. He wants you to be mad at him. To justify what he’s about to do.
He slides you your phone. Motions for you to read it.
“Fuck…” you whisper, and then he thinks you get it.
But then you say, “…he didn’t see me, though. Right?” and his heart sinks.
No. He didn’t see you. But he saw so many little pieces of you, that Joel finds it impossible to consider that he isn’t already seeing the entire picture. He’s picturing your dad at home in the living room, one hand on his hip, the other running through his hair, adding two and two and two and two and –
You’re bickering. Actually arguing. He doesn’t know how to navigate it, save for letting the frustration take the wheel and drive the point home: you came too close to being caught.
You’re smarter than this, he knows you are. He knows that you can see plain as day, everything that he can. The bag, the hat, the fucking home-cooked breakfast sat on his kitchen counter. He’s watching you argue your point, hands dancing in the air animatedly, eyebrows lifting, eyes widening. Hear me out. Listen to me. Hear me out.
“I didn’t fucking mean to let him see the b–”
“That’s not the point,” Joel says, before he has time to stop himself.
“Then what’s your point?”
He feels his voice carry off into the air with the images racing around his head. Hank’s shadow under the door. The roar of voices downstairs as you climaxed. Your body pinned under Joel’s on your couch. The way the morning light screamed into the house as your front door burst open.
He doesn’t sound like he has much of a point, even to himself. He’s in it just as much as you are. He’s lied and he’s hidden just as much as you have, and made mistakes that are…worse, as far as he’s concerned.
And the worst one of all sits directly opposite him. Head low, eyes boring into the wood of his kitchen table. He can see the tears swelling across your waterline. Can feel the heat from here as it spreads across your face. Anger thrums through his chest again, and his teeth grit.
He murmurs, pushing himself up from the table and away from you. Tells you there’s some stuff he needs to see to. You’re mad about it, like he knew you would be. Like you should be. He promises he’ll be back in a couple hours; promises you’ll talk when he gets home.
And then he leaves.
----------
Clark’s is on the other side of town. It takes him nearly forty minutes to get there, and more than half of that time is spent staring at the tail lights of a Honda in front of him. Some accident up ahead. His eyes bore into the burning red strip of brake light until it’s singed into them, a blur of blue when he finally rips his glare away and stares up at the white sky.
He thinks about calling you. Saying, Hey, I’m stuck in traffic, talk to me, but he doesn’t. He just…doesn’t.
Instead, he wonders what you’re doing. Whether or not you’re still at his place. He wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t. But if you are – and he hopes you are – what are you doing?
He thinks: She’s on the couch. Bundled in blankets. Grey’s is on TV. She’s rewatchin’ her favorite episodes.
Least, that’s what he wants you to be doing. Wants you to be making yourself feel better, because he knows he was a complete ass earlier. You didn’t deserve any of it. Nothing that he didn’t deserve himself, just as much, anyway.
He thinks about coming home, and you hitting pause, pushing yourself off the couch and sauntering around to him. Wrapping him in the blanket until your bodies are pressed together under the woven red, and kissing him. Kiss me kiss me kiss me.
And the thought of you, standing on your tiptoes to press your soft lips to his, your fingers sifting through his hair, is like a cold pack on a searing wound. Dulls his anger, even if it’s just for a second.
His wide tires crawl silently across the smooth lot of the plant hire, parking right in front of the wire fence. The truck door slams shut when he gets out. He doesn’t mean it. Maybe he does. But he does it without thinking, and with a hot head, a temper sharper than nails, he strides over to the glass-paneled door and swings it open.
She’s sat behind the desk, same as always. Dark, deep auburn hair, groomed and set to perfection so that when she looks up, it doesn’t move an inch. Curls around the sweetheart shape of her face, smooth and shining. Her blue eyes twinkle in the glaring light from outside, and she stands.
She tugs lightly on the hem of her white blouse. You’d probably elbow him and say, That’s cream, not white. She smiles at him and it doesn’t look a thing like your smile. He doesn’t remember the last time he saw your smile. Fuck, he thinks, when did I last make her smile?
And he’s still wondering, when Lois says, “Hey, stranger,” and puts a gentle, pale, red-nailed hand down on the desk. “Long time, no see.”
“Yeah,” Joel grumbles, clearing his throat and glancing at the man in a pair of thick, steel-toe boots, sat in a waiting area to his left. He thinks it’s probably polite to ask how she is. It’s been seven weeks since he blew off her hint for a date.
“Good, thanks,” she replies, cheeks swelling even more. They’re lightly shaded crimson, a soft shimmer to them against her snowy skin, dappled with light freckles. “You?”
He nods once. “Good,” he echoes, not sure what else to say. He’s lying, and she doesn’t seem to figure him out the way you would.
No. Instead, Lois steps back, straightens up, and twirls the pen in her fingers. “What can I do ya for?”
“Got some equipment I’m after,” he mutters, hand slipping into his back pocket for his phone. Lois’s eyes flit up and down his body as he taps his passcode in with his thumb.
She asks him something, but it sounds like she’s speaking through a closed door. He’s elsewhere.
The phone unlocks, screen lifting to reveal the last open app: his camera roll. His thumbs hover over the screen, tracing where yours would’ve tapped last night.
The video’s muted, she won’t hear it even if he let it play, but he swipes away the second he recognizes the tangled mess of your hair, his fist locked tight in it. His own hair, salt and pepper buried deep in the crook of your neck.
Something in his chest aches. Pulls tight, hurts his heart. He takes a deep breath and scares the feeling away. He’s staring at his camera roll. Staring at twelve little square thumbnails – couple of them work stuff, couple of them lists of supplies he has to remember to pick up – and then. Then.
You. At the Hillcrest. Dimples in your cheeks. That’s what made him take his phone out. The soft dips in your skin that appear anytime you smile, laugh, sometimes even just when you talk. He’d first noticed them when you had a mouth full of pizza, chatting animatedly about Meredith and Derek, and he’s noticed them every time since.
He’d seen them, as you posed with Sarah for a selfie at lunch. And his hand had slipped into his pocket before his brain even had the chance to finish the thought.
His quiet way of marking how he felt in that moment. How his chest seemed to fill as if with air, or something thicker. Sweeter. Like it was trying to push words up, a comment to tell you how beautiful you looked. Trying to make him move, run his thumb light as air across that tiny valley in your cheek and look at you with eyes that translated the words hammering behind his eyes.
But you had company. And all he managed to do was take two fucking photos.
Lois talks again, and this time, there’s no closed door.
“Huh?” Joel’s head snaps up, takes a few seconds to focus on the red hair in front of him. “Sorry, Lois, sorry.”
“’s alright. You okay?” She’s smiling so warmly, so sincerely. And there are no dimples in her cheeks.
“Yeah,” he clears his throat, “just checkin’ for the address.”
She holds out a pad, a stack of hire agreement forms hovering between her body and his, but he’s not looking. He’s still scrolling through his phone, thumbs searching your dad’s text thread for the information. Lois lowers the pad to the counter, places the pen on top. Fiddles with it until it’s lined up with the top of the form perfectly.
Then Joel looks up, and she smiles again.
“Not for you, then?” she asks.
He shakes his head. “Just the messenger.”
“Got it. Well, you know what you’re doing. Let me know if you need anything.”
Lois takes a step back, eyes still on Joel, who smiles politely, then swipes the form from the desk and takes a seat between Steel-Toe Boots and some tall, leafy plant that he has to bat away when he sits down. He’s copying the site address, phone resting on his thigh, when the receptionist speaks again.
“How’s Sarah doin’? She home yet?”
“Yeah,” Joel replies, “been home a couple weeks now. She’s been in Nashville this weekend.”
Lois lifts her head, blinking slowly. “Nashville. Nice. So, you’ve had a weekend to yourself.”
He scoffs. “Yeah,” he croaks.
“And what does Joel Miller get up to when he has an empty house for a few days?”
His fingers squeeze around the pen, pushing deeper into the paper. His expression hardens. “Nothing excitin’ enough to share. Sat by the pool yesterday. Was nice out.”
She agrees. “Sure was. You have company?”
Joel shakes his head once. Blinks the image of you and your red bikini from his vision. Focuses on dragging the pen one digit at a time across the line labeled Phone Number. If he cared enough, he’d give the obvious hint a couple seconds’ consideration, even just to protect Lois’s pride a little.
But he doesn’t care. And right now, he ain’t interested in protecting anyone but you.
“Nope. Just me ‘n a few beers.”
“Better off that way,” a hoarse, forty-cigs-a-day voice rasps from his right. “Less fuckin’ problems.”
Joel’s jaw rotates a degree towards the work boots; notices the folds of dry, leathery skin piled atop the raised gray eyebrows of their owner, and then turns back silently.
Lois clears her throat awkwardly. “Well, I spent the day with my book. I’m readin’ a Colleen Hoover. Adam’s at camp, so – quiet house for me, too.”
Joel finds himself nodding. Autopilot. He’s pretending he’s listening.
You’re still in his sight, wandering over from the sliding kitchen doors, a bottle in each hand. He can hardly see you when he looks up, the sun’s so bright. You hold a beer out, condensation dripping down your fingers towards Joel’s when he takes it, and then you slump down in the sun lounger next to his.
His arm reaches across, and your small fingers wrap and then unwrap around his, running across his knuckles, nails lightly scratching his worked hands. And he’s smiling, and he doesn’t even notice it until his eyes meet yours and you laugh, and he asks, What? through a chuckle, and you say, Nothin’, you just look happy.
Your dimpled blush blurs back into checkboxes and scrawled handwriting. You’re gone again. He’s in a white office, and the gentle lapping of the water on the pool’s edge fades into the headache noise of a fan humming, and he feels the warmth of your gaze on his skin turn into the cold, harsh spotlight glare of Lois’s eyes on him.
He looks up. She’s still smiling. At this point, he finds it fucking unnerving.
He rises from his chair, swings a wandering leaf from that ugly green plant out of his way and paces back over to the desk, sliding the pad back across to her. Their hands brush as she takes it from his grip, and he pulls his wrist close to his body. Lois doesn’t seem to notice.
She’s running the pen down the form, checking everything he’s filled in. Her tongue moves around the inside of her cheek, sucking on a hard candy. “Delivery on Friday?” she double checks, and Joel nods. “Alright,” she says, tearing away his copy, “we’ll call ya.”
“’ppreciate it,” he mumbles, folding the paper into his back pocket.
She turns, reaching to slip the form into a blue tray, and Joel pauses. Thinks to say something – he hopes Adam has a fun time at camp, or that Lois enjoys the rest of her quiet week. But then he sees you sat opposite him, staring fixedly at the plate before you, tears threatening to spill down your cheeks. He feels your hand laced in his, hears your laugh still ringing in his ears.
He misses you. He should never have left you. You matter more to him than some equipment for a site. Matter more to him than anything. He should’ve never fucking left.
Joel nods. Reaches for the handle of the door. Glances back to Lois. “There a florist anywhere near here?”
----------
He pulls the truck in alongside the florist. Teal window frames, a little pink door. He can hear you now. How fucking cute is that store? Give me your phone, I gotta get a picture. Mine’s is in my bag in the back. Look, the traffic’s movin’, Joel, give me your phone – quick!
His fingers hook around the silver door handle. He pats his jeans once – wallet’s right there – and goes to pull, when his cell vibrates from the center console. He can see himself in the glass screen, your dad’s name written across the reflection of his forehead.
He bites down on his lip. Hard. Glances up to the road ahead. Blinks. And decides to answer.
“Joel,” your dad chirps down the line. “Sorry, buddy, you’ll be sick a’ the sight ‘n sound of me today.”
Joel manages a convincing laugh. “What’s up?”
“Just makin’ sure you’re rememberin’ to put Friday’s date down for delivery on that order. We’re gonna need the stuff over the weekend, so.”
“Yep. Just been to do it right now. Friday’s date, Harvey’s site, your card details ‘n everything.”
“’attaboy. Good job. You’re all grown up.”
“Funny.”
“Thanks, pal. I appreciate it. There wasn’t no chance I was gettin’ time to do it myself,” he lowers his voice, “I’m still stuck here with Kelman.”
Joel’s fingers trace around his steering wheel. “Oh, yeah? He keepin’ you busy?”
“You bet. Had to haggle with ‘im just to get a lunch break. Speakin’ of – I swung by the house and that daughter of mine wasn’t home. Haven’t seen or heard from her since yesterday mornin’. I’m just checkin’ she ain’t stop by to see Sarah or som’?”
His fingers lock tight around the leather. “Sarah’s still in Nashville, she gets in tonight. Couldn’t tell you where yours is. I’m not home yet, so.”
It’s a half-truth. He could wager a pretty good guess, but he can’t be certain, can he?
Your dad chuckles down the line. “She spent the night at Anna’s. My house must be like prison to her – she’s never around anymore. I’ll hear from her soon, I’m sure. Alright. Thanks, again, Joel.”
He drops the phone back into the cupholder with a sigh, leaning back against the headrest to stare at the roof of the truck. He’s still picturing you in his living room, head turning to the street at every sound of a car door, or tires rolling by. And then the image is marred by your dad, peering in the window back at you, catching you wrapped up in a situation you shouldn’t be in.
He doesn’t want your dad to find out. For obvious reasons. Because it would mean the collapse of their friendship, the collapse of the world they built between them – for you, for Sarah, for themselves. Comfortability, and normalcy, and routine and order all thrown to the wind on account of some month-long fling.
But more important than all of that: it would mean dragging you into all of that, too. Fucking up your relationship with your dad. Making things weird between you and Sarah. Ruining whatever’s left of what you and Joel had, before you both took it too far.
And if he doesn’t want all that – if he doesn’t want your dad finding out – then something has to change. Something’s gotta stop.
His fingers wrap tight around the key and turn, and the truck jumps to life. He turns away from the teal-colored florist as he pulls off.
----------
You take it about as well as he reckoned you might. About as well as you should, given the circumstances. He isn’t surprised, and he doesn’t blame you. He’s probably on your side, when you argue back with him.
“You’re not serious, right? Joel. You’re not –”
“Kid, I…”
“No. What? Because of a fucking bag?”
He lifts his gaze and pleads with you. “Because of the lying.”
You’re right, with your response: it’s never been an issue until now. He’s been more than fucking happy to sneak off, take you as his own, and then return with a satisfied grin and a mouth full of excuses to feed your company. He almost agrees.
It’s just: this time, your dad’s at your heels like a bloodhound. A little less sharp, maybe. Blind as a fucking bat, sure. But he can smell something’s up. And he’s circling it, nose to the ground, drawing nearer and nearer to the pair of you with each step.
You ask if he wants to tell the truth. That thought scares him just as much. Knocks him back a few steps. No, he doesn’t want to come clean.
The words fly back and forth like a tennis match. Too fast for him to keep control of what he’s saying and how you’re hearing it. He wants to break it off – is there anything to break off? – but he doesn’t want to lose you – how can you lose something you never had? – and then: did he ever have you in the first place?
You’re standing over him, between his knees. “End it,” you tell him. “I’ll go.”
There’s a casualness in the loose shrug of your shoulders that scares him more than the prospect of you actually leaving. How easy it looks like it could be, for you to just wander out. Sling your bag over your shoulder and revert back to the start of the summer, when he was just a ride home after a rainy day at work.
Forget how to touch him the way he’s certain only you can, forget the secret language between you, forget every stolen glance and whispered word and every thought that ever translated from your brain to his as easy as they would pass between your lips.
“You don’t mean nothin’ to me? That what you think?” He’s laughing. Disbelief, fear, shock. Whichever one it is, it pulls across his cheeks painfully. Somehow, you’ve ended up at the foot of his bed.
“Well, what else am I supposed to take from this, asshole? That you’re fuckin’ in love with me?”
It’s cold water over an already-dying fire. The words smother into ash on his tongue. No more come to the front. He just stares at you. His phone starts to chitter out into the silence between you.
You take a step forward. Your voice is low. “You don’t get to do this, you know. You don’t get to pull me in and then drop me…once you’re done with me.”
“Don’t.”
It’s not much, but it soars from the pit of his stomach, through his throat and past his lips like a final arrow. All he can muster up.
“Don’t.”
There’s a weight where the words originate from. Something deep in his gut, an ache pulling its way upward, swelling across his chest. His ears are screaming.
Of all the things you might think – he’s an asshole, he’s a liar, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing – the worst one would be that he spent this entire time leading you on. Making you feel special. Making you think you were something to him.
You are something to him. You’re – you’re fucking everything to him. It’s why he’s doing this, right? Going against every instinct, every gut feeling. To protect you. To do what’s right by you. He’s not fucking done with you. He wonders if he’ll ever go another day in his life without thinking about you.
“I can’t read your mind anymore…” you whisper, and his lungs steal a breath. His lack of response flattens your expression.
Joel might not be done, but you are.
He can feel you slipping from his grasp like sand through his knuckles. Each grain rocking itself loose, choosing to throw itself to the depths below rather than spend another second wrapped in his clutch.
He’s trying so desperately to hold onto you. Listen to me, he thinks, and he knows you can’t hear him anymore. Because now you’re really going – you’re tripping out of his room. Your heel catches on the threshold, like one last-ditch attempt from fate to pull you back into him, but you stop yourself and spin, fleeing down the hallway.
He takes a loose grasp of your wrist, fingers barely meeting on the other side of your skin before you tear it away from him like he’s scalded you. The look on your face makes him think for a moment that he might actually have done it – burned you. Pained you. Raised the skin below your gentle palm in a furious, red glow.
He’s swapping words out like they’re tools, each one immediately breaking and being flung back into the box. He’s trying any combination, any useless, futile order of words to make you stop in your tracks. You know how much I care about you, ‘s why I’m doin’ it, baby, come back, we can talk about this.
And he opens his mouth to give voice to the only words he knows would stop you – the reason why he’s doing it in the first place, the only thought he’s had anytime he’s looked at you for the last couple weeks. He opens his mouth to say it, or say something like it, when the machine silences the ringtone and the pair of you, too.
Her voice is like ice down the back of his shirt. He stares at the machine, red light blinking like a rag to a bull. He could walk over to it and smash the ever-loving fuck out of it with his fists until it’s dust on his coffee table. Until it shuts the fuck up, stops interfering with his fucking business.
And then he thinks about Lois, and her cream blouse, and her red nails, and her big, blue eyes, and her soft drawl and everything about her that is so entirely opposite to everything about you.
And how much – despite how nice and friendly, or funny and good-natured she is – how much he hates her right now, and how much he fucking loves you.
But you’re gone, now. Washed away by the tide. No more sand in Joel’s palm.
He tries to stop it. Tries to wind back a little, tries to make the sea cough up what it just stole from him. Give her back, you fuck. His eyes are stinging like salt water. Why are they stinging? There’s a roaring in his ears – the waves laughing in his face. Sickly and deafening.
He’s doing his best to keep a hold on his trembling voice. He knows he sounds pathetic. But yours is louder, stronger, steadier. And when you talk, it’s with an air of finality. Like you’re turning over the horizon. The last time he’ll ever see you again.
“I’ll see you ‘round, Joel.”
----------
He doesn’t call or text you that night. He doesn’t know what he’d say. Doesn’t even know where he’d begin. You’re mad, and Joel figures you got every right to be. This entire thing – today, this weekend, the whole month you’ve been together – is one big fucking mess.
He spends the afternoon hunched over his kitchen table, trying to distract himself with work. Twirling a pencil between his fingers, reading three, four, sometimes five times over the same building plans before deciding that the words and numbers won’t fucking sink in. He leaves them strewn across the table, wanders aimlessly upstairs and takes a cold shower.
Sarah’s flight gets in at 8PM. Joel’s sat curbside, truck engine humming, scanning every single figure that walks out of the airport building. When he spots the gray hoodie, the brown hair tied back with a pink scrunchie, the much-too-big-for-four-days-away suitcase rolling at her heels, he gets out.
She hugs her friends, they nod in passing greeting to him, and she skips over.
“Hey,” he breathes as she wraps her arms around his waist. “How was your flight? Saw you comin’ in.”
She shrugs in response. “I’m hungry. Wanna go get McDonald’s?”
Joel grumbles, slotting her case in the back of the truck. “You don’t wanna get home? Take a shower first? You smell like plane.”
“Ha! No.”
She opens the passenger side door and hoists her foot up on the seat, retying her sneaker. Joel’s already in and buckled up, hands on the wheel, watching her blue nails loop the laces.
“There’s one, like, ten minutes away.”
He’s shaking his head. “We got food in the house.”
Her gaze lifts. Her foot drops. “Oh, c’mon, it’s on the way home. We’ll be, like, five minutes. I just got off a two-hour flight, dude, right through dinner. I’m starving, I –”
“Would you just get in the damn truck, Sarah?”
It’s shorter, snappier, angrier than he meant. But he’s parked in the middle of the packed pick-up area, and the rattling of suitcase wheels and the whistling of cab drivers and the fucking roaring of planes overhead are making the headache behind his eyes worse.
Sarah freezes, one arm still leaning on the doorframe. “Jesus. What the fuck?”
“Sorry,” Joel mutters, shaking his head. “Sorry. Just – get in.”
“No need to be an asshole about it,” she murmurs, pulling herself up into the passenger seat.
Joel’s face is in his hands, elbows atop the steering wheel. “I’m not tryna be an asshole,” he says into his palms.
His daughter looks at him. Concerned. “Somethin’ happen? While I was gone?”
He shakes his head again.
Nothing happened.
He’s quiet the rest of the night. The rest of the week. Sarah notices, he knows she does, because she pries. In her own way. She’s smarter than he is. Less obvious.
She’s already up and in the kitchen when he rises on Tuesday morning. Spins around at the toaster, tells him the machine’s ready for his coffee. Asks if he wants her to make it. Asks if he wants any breakfast.
Thanks, kiddo. No, I’ll get it. No, you’re good, thanks.
They sit opposite one another in silence, save for the crunching of Sarah’s toast. He can feel her eyes on him, same way he felt Lois’s. Trying to burrow deep inside, take a look at his brain. Catch a glimpse of the words he’s thinking over and over and over.
There ain’t no words, though. It’s just images. Video replay of your back as you strode down his driveway, the way the wind caught your hair and brushed your cheek, the way your hand came up to wipe your tears. And the way he stood there, like a fucking idiot, and did nothing.
His chest hurts any time he thinks about you. Pulls in, knits itself together in knots. He’s good at pushing feelings down, good at turning them away from the sunlight like faded pebbles. But this is different. It’s a different kind of hurt.
It’s unresolved, it’s an open wound. It’s you. And it’s every time he hears REO Speedwagon, every time he pulls a flannel over his shoulders and catches the scent of your perfume on it, every time he’s flicking through the TV and catches a flash of a hospital setting, it’s a pair of hands deep inside the wound, pulling it a little wider.
It aches. It stings and it aches and it winds.
And then he turns the pebbles around. Back to the shade. Over and over and fucking over.
On Wednesday night, he caves. Asks Sarah if she’s spoken to you.
She’s chewing on a slice of pizza; licks the grease from her fingertips before she answers. “Not really. She’s been quieter than usual. Why?”
“She’s been quieter than usual?” he repeats, playing off the way his head shot up by looking straight back down at the pizza box.
Sarah narrows her eyes. “Yeah. I figure she’s working a lot.”
“Right. Right.”
“She gets tired of being in the house all the time, I think. Getting treated like a kid still. So I guess the more time she can spend outta there, the better.”
Joel nods slowly. He already knows that much.
Sarah studies him. Watches his hands as he dabs a pizza crust into the dip. When he tosses it in his mouth, he looks back up at her.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she says. “You want the last slice?”
“You take it,” he mutters, sitting back and wiping his hands on a napkin. “I’m stuffed.”
She hums, reaching forward. “Whatever it is,” she says, pulling the dough apart, “that’s got you this down –”
“Ain’t nothin’ got me down, kiddo.”
“– whatever it is,” she continues, “I bet it works itself out.”
Sarah stands up, taking her water with her, and wanders out of the kitchen.
----------
Joel struggles through another sleepless night, Thursday through Friday. His eyes don’t close over once. He hauls himself out of bed early in the morning, forces a black coffee down his throat, and heads off to work.
He’s up at some new client in Waco. Andrew Curtis – or, well, Andrew Curtis’s father, but Joel’s been dealing primarily with the son, and the guy’s a fucking imbecile. Doesn’t know his head from his ass, probably. And he has a voice like nails on a damn chalkboard, and his shirt’s untucked around the back, but Joel ain’t got a tone kind enough, or half the wordsmanship, or an ounce of energy to tell him.
Anyway – he spends all day at this dusty site, trying to work and instead, thinking about whatever the fuck you’re doing. Wherever you are, whoever you’re with. It’s almost seven by the time he’s leaving, packing up his truck and watching Andrew Curtis across the yard. He’s spotted his own shadow; he’s twisting around to reach the ducktail poking out from above his belt loops.
Joel thinks to call you about it on the way home. Tell you all about the guy: his dry conversation, his flannel, the fact he kept calling Joel Joe all day. He figures it would make you laugh, least the way he’d tell it, and he reckons that’s exactly what you need right now. That’s exactly what he needs, right now.
When Clark’s call him, he dials your dad. Has his ear blown half to hell by the speakerphone. Learns midway through the conversation that you’re right there in the car, too, and bites back a stream of incoherent, senseless words. Settles for a quiet reminder: he’s right here if you need him.
He doesn’t expect you to take him up on it. Knows you got better things to do than deal with some asshole who’d rather break your heart than have a few difficult conversations. You’re probably having fun, probably finally feeling good again. You’re probably fine.
But still. He doesn’t sleep that night, either.
It’s just gone two when Anna calls. He’s lying in bed, some shopping network on loop on the TV. His tired eyes bore into the screen, defocusing over the pixels, not watching nor listening and barely fucking breathing until he picks up the phone. Her voice is panicked, shrill, and shaking so much he wonders if his own phone is trembling with it.
“Mr. Miller?” she asks, and Joel sits up. “Got your number from Yelp. ‘m sorry it’s so late, it’s…oh, fuck – it’s, like, 2AM.”
“Anna,” Joel says hoarsely. Get to the fuckin’ point.
“Right. Sorry. It’s just…we kinda have a…situation, here.”
It’s you. He fucking knows it’s you. His heart begins to hammer. He doesn’t give a fuck whether she puts two and two together or not when he asks –
“Where is she?”
“We’re still at Frank’s,” Anna says, sniffing. He can hear the booming bassline of music, muffled; the sharper chatter of voices. She’s on the street. In his head, he can see her shoulders hunched; her bare arms wrapped around her body for warmth. She goes to say it again. “We’re still at –”
“’n where is she?” Joel cuts, and she finally cracks.
In one long, drawn breath, she spills. “She was fucked from the second we walked in here; she drank too much too quick, Mr. Miller – Joel,” she says when he corrects her, “and then she just – I dunno, she just – fucking disappeared with these guys, me ‘n Kara never saw ‘em in our lives – and they went upstairs we think, and she came back smelling like weed, and then this guy – he just, like, scooped her off, Mr. M– I mean Joel, like, totally dragged her away, and then –”
“Who–? Anna – Anna, wait,” Joel says, shushing her between her rambling, trying to rein in what she’s saying. When she finally shuts up, he speaks slowly and calmly. “Who dragged her away?”
“We don’t fuckin’ know!” she almost shrieks down the line. It cuts out for a second and Joel’s heart stops dead.“– so we don’t know,” she says when her voice filters back through into his ear, “but Sam said he saw the dude drop something in her bottle when he turned away. A pill or something.”
Joel’s body tenses. Freezes solid, with the blood in his veins. His eyes fix on one spot on his dresser: the loose handle that sits a little squint. He stares at it until his peripheral starts to blur.
“He – say that again?”
“He roofied her, we think. But we can’t fucking find them. Sam and Kara are in there just now looking. The guy pulled her away, that’s what I’m tryna say!”
“Right,” whispers Joel, nodding. He drags a heavy hand over his eyes, tries to push the image of you in danger out of his head for one second so he can figure out what to do.
Anna doesn’t hear him. She keeps talking. “…and then Sam said she told him not to call her dad, but I had to call someone, y’know? You’re the only person I think she wouldn’t – I think she wouldn’t mind me callin’. Please.”
He’s already halfway down the stairs, arms pushing through the sleeves of his shirt. He keeps the phone against his cheek when he bends to reach for his boots, ties them loose and grabs his keys.
“You call me as soon as you find her, you hear? I’m on my way,” he tells Anna, and hangs up.
He’s panicking. Fear, transferred between her cell and his, creeping over his shoulders, wrapping long, cold fingers around his throat. He’s panicking. He’s panicking. He never panics. Where the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you with?
There’s barely any traffic on the road, but the drive takes for-fucking-ever. The lights at the side of the road blur into long, thin streaks of orange. His hands are tight around the steering wheel, his jaw clenched. Your name lies loose on his lips.
He pulls up right outside the bar. There are small clusters of people, congregated tight together under the streetlights; cigarettes hanging from lips, bottles loose in hands. He shoves by them on his way to the door. Some guy shuffles out of his way, looking up to cuss Joel out and quickly dipping his head again when he locks eyes with the grizzly expression.
He shoves the door open with his shoulder, and spots you instantly.
----------
His knuckles are throbbing. Skin stretching anytime he moves his hand, searing hot and sharply stinging across the bone. Your touch is the only thing soothing them right now.
He got two good punches in. Just two. Burst the guy’s nose. He would’ve kept going, had he not been in a bar full of people – people who knew who he was – and had you not been stood behind him, body liquid-like from how much you were swaying.
But he has you home now. Up in your room, settled in bed. You’re safe. You’re with him.
You’re fucking wasted. Like, can barely lift a glass of water to your lips unaided wasted. He spent the entire drive watching over you, stealing glances when your head turned or your eyes lulled closed, checking you were still awake, still talking, still fucking breathing.
Whatever that asshole gave you, you don’t seem to have had enough for it to do too much damage. The alcohol is the real culprit. Though you were cognitive enough to yell at him over Lois in the kitchen, which relieved him for a second before it fucking crushed him. He’s lying awake right now – listening to the sound of your snoring – replaying the argument in his head. Over and over.
You’re an asshole and a liar. Just stringing me along this whole time.
He’s some awful cocktail of angry and terrified and fucking heartbroken. You’re lying inches from him, your hand resting softly on top of his, and yet – you’re miles away. The space between you both – fragmented, treacherous.
In a perfect world, he’d have wrapped his arms around your shoulders. He’d have pulled you against his weight, against his strong, steady form. And he’d have walked you, as slow as you needed, out of the bar and to his truck. Maybe laughing. Maybe singing.
He’d have told you everything was fine, told you he loved you, told you he was gonna get you home, make you feel better. He’d hold you until the sun came up, and then hold you until it went back down.
He’d love you. And you’d let him.
Maybe that world doesn’t exist, Joel thinks. And maybe that’s for the better.
It fucking hurts, though. Stings like a hot blade through his chest. All this time, messing around, pretending there was nothing more to it. Letting his feelings through like water in a fucking dam. It was bound to break eventually.
And maybe he really thought, even just for a fleeting moment, there could be something here. Something worth holding onto. More than two idiots messing around, more than sex and secrecy.
He didn’t even realize. Didn’t notice the shift. When did he start feeling…more? When did it cross that line?
He’s staring at the end of your bed. Thinking about you under him, gripping onto his shirt, his hand between your legs. The very first time. And every other fucking time since then. Which one was the threshold? Who pushed who?
His ringtone bursts through the silence, making him jump. His arm swings to fish it from the nightstand, swiping to answer before he’s even read who’s calling, just to shut the thing up.
“Hello?” he murmurs.
“Hey, Joe? Uh, I mean, Joel? It’s Andrew Curtis here.”
He rolls his eyes. For fuck’s sake. “Mornin’, Andrew.”
“Hi. Sorry, I know it’s super early. I’m just checkin’ we’re still good to go. I got my guys ready, we’re rarin’ to get goin’ whenever you are.”
Joel clears his throat, pushing slowly off the plush mattress, resting your hand on the sheets. “Yeah, uh…” He slips out of your room, hopping over to the bathroom and closing the door over. “…I had a, uh…a family emergency durin’ the night. I’m gonna be a little late, but I’ll be there.”
“Oh, gee, I hope everything’s alright?”
He phrases it like he wants Joel to clue him in. He considers for a second actually saying, Yeah, my best friend’s daughter – who I’ve been sleeping with for the last month – got plastered at a bar – Frank’s, local place, you heard of it? – because I broke things off with her – but I didn’t want to, I was just tryna be fuckin’ noble – and I went and picked her up, punched a guy who was tryna hurt her, because guess what, Andrew – I’m in fuckin’ love with her.
He sums it up with: “Yeah. Everything’s fine now. Thanks.”
“Alright, well, great news! Call me when you’re twenty minutes out, I’ll have the guys here for you arrivin’. Safe journey, Joe!”
Joel breathes an Uhuh and hangs up, holding the bridge of his nose. He has a headache, like he’s the one who’s been drinking. It’s only going to get worse, too, heading off to go spend his Saturday with Andrew fucking Curtis and his loose flannel.
The sun’s rising slowly, lighting the hall in a warm glow. Joel pads quietly into your room and pulls the cover back over his side of the mattress. You stir; your head jerks only to move some hair from your face, and then you sigh, sleep pulling you back into its arms.
He watches you for a second. Wishes he could run a light hand down your cheek, kiss your head. Whisper a goodbye, the same way you did to him almost a week ago.
He shakes the thought, collecting his boots from the floor. His hand hovers over his shirt for a moment. And then he lifts it by the collar, lays it neatly on the pillow by your head, and leaves. You can keep it, trash it, burn it. But it’s yours. Everything about him is yours.
In the kitchen, he stands by the sink, nursing a cup of coffee. It’s a quarter to six. This early on a Saturday, he figures he’ll be in Waco by seven, seven-thirty latest. His eyes fix on the spot you two stood last night, yelling back and forth about Lois. She seems so far away, now. He can barely remember the shape of her face, the sound of her voice.
His grip tightens around the mug. He places it in the sink, and grabs his keys. As he passes the stairs, he pauses. Leans on one foot, head tilted to listen out for any sound of life. Any fucking sound – the creak of a floorboard, the squeak of a door handle. Anything to keep him here. Anything.
Nothing comes. No sound, no movement, no you.
He closes the front door gently on his way out.
----------
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junkdrawerfics · 1 year
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Not So Simple Moments
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Some of you requested a part 2 to "Simple Moments" so this is that! It's not what I planned, but I like it and I hope you do too!
Summary: You decide it's time to broach the topic of you being turned with Jasper. He really doesn't want to talk about it, but you're both adults and you love each other, so you talk about it.
Word Count: 1362
Warnings: nothing serious, mostly a little bit of angst and fluff
---
“Alice says you’re going to turn me,” you mention offhandedly as you run your fingers through Jasper’s hair, sectioning off a few pieces before starting a braid.
The blond stiffens where he’s sat in front of you. When you invited him over to watch Wall-e, this was certainly not what he was expecting. 
“Alice says a lot of things,” he murmurs slowly, keeping his eyes trained on the rusty, little robot on the screen.
Out of all the movies you’ve made him watch, this one seems to feel oddly familiar. It’s much like your story. Him, an old creature, obviously out of place in this world, falling irrevocably for something so sweet and fiery like the white robot, like you. Being terrified of letting you go. Terrified of you getting hurt.
Pinning the braid to the back of his head, you move to the other side of his temple and quietly ask, “What do you say about it?”
Jasper takes a deep, unnecessary breath, his next word slow, hesitant to roll off his tongue, “Darlin’...”
You press your lips together. That's a familiar tone. It’s the one he uses when he wants to avoid a conversation. You need to talk about this though. 
“Does it scare you?” You ask, voice still soft as you twist the strands together.
The blond is silent for a moment. The only sound in the room is the soft music of the movie, and you hum along as you tie off the braid and pin it with the other, forming a little crown around his head. You know he’s thinking, trying to figure out exactly what to say, he just needs the time.
Fondly, you curl your arms around Jasper’s shoulders and give him a soft squeeze. You’d wait a million years for him, if that’s what he needs, and that feeling must rub off on the vampire, because he leans into your embrace, rigidness slipping away.
“I don’t understand you, darlin’,” Jasper drawls, tilting his head a fraction to look at you. You press a gentle kiss to his lips, drawing a familiar, slanted grin from him. “I’ve lived 161 years and never met anyone like you.”
“You’re avoiding my question, Jas,” you chastise, despite the blush dusting your cheeks, “Don’t think you can distract me with your southern charm.”
“You don’t think it’ll work?” Those amber eyes gleam with mischief as he beams up at you.
“Not today, cowboy.” You carefully ruffle his hair before straightening up and letting yourself be a little more serious. “I think we should talk about this, Jas. It’s important to me.”
Jasper’s brow furrows, all too aware of how truthful you’re being. Pushing himself up from the floor, he settles down next to you on the bed. He leaves a respectful gap between you, just a handful of inches, but it feels like a chasm, so you scoot closer and take his hand. Jasper instinctively intertwines them, his thumb brushing tenderly over your knuckles, and it just feels right.
“Does it scare you?” You ask again, voice practically a whisper.
“Which part?”
“Either?” You analyze Jasper’s face, searching for any clue of what he might be thinking, but his features are carefully blank. The buzz of nerves in your chest only worsen at that. “Do you want me to turn?”
“Yes.”
You let out a heavy breath. The single word eases every sliver of doubt you’ve been carrying the past few weeks, and he can feel it.
“It would be nice to not want to kill you, darlin’,” Jasper jokes (only partially) with a small smirk as he brings your wrist to his lips, pressing them daringly to your pulse, “And I’d be a fool to not want a forever with you.”
“Well, you are no fool,” you giggle, heart racing away, and you know Jasper can hear it when he perks a teasing brow at you.
“I most certainly am not, ma’am.”
“Don’t you dare start with that.” You shoot him a glare, but the smirk never leaves his lips as the vampire presses another kiss to your knuckles.
You linger in the moment, in the feeling of his cold touch. The silence between the two of you is heavy but comfortable, like a blanket, sealing you off from the rest of the world. You don’t even remember the movie playing in the background. It’s just you and Jasper.
“So you’re scared of the “you” part,” you whisper eventually, finitely.
Jasper replies, reluctant and quiet, “I can’t hurt you, darlin’.”
“Even if it’s something I want?”
His lips draw into a tight line. You can practically see the conflict play out in his eyes, like flashing gunfire. Like a wild animal, frozen between fight or flight and fear. Fear of himself. A sad sigh slips past your lips when you realize why. He still sees himself as the monster.
“Jasper,” you start and drop his hand in favor of cupping his face gently. He needs to feel you on this. His amber eyes bore into yours, wide and uncertain. “I will never make you do something you don’t want to do, ever. What you want is important to me. We are a team, right?” He gives a slight nod, and you smile. “So I want this, and I want it to be you, not just because I love you, but because I trust you, Jasper. But if you don’t want to, that’s okay.”
Jasper’s eyes dart between yours, edged with an unspoken desperation. It’s like he’s not 160 years old, and instead the young teenager he was when he was turned. The years slip away and he feels just as scared as he had back then.
Yet here you are, with far fewer years, only the existence of this small town behind you, looking at him, and telling him he has a choice. Telling him you trust him. And he can feel it, feel the absolute earnesty in your words, the love pouring off of you as you look at him with such gentleness and understanding. It’s like warmth pouring over him, something he hasn’t felt in such a long time.
“Now,” you hum, reassured by the way his eyes settle and how his shoulders slump, like the weight is finally falling off of them, “that was a lot, so we are going to finish this movie, okay? And you’re going to take your time to think about it, because we’re not rushing into anything.”
You lean forward and give him a kiss. It’s soft, just the barest press of your lips to his, but when you draw back, there’s that relieved grin pulling at his lips again. Jasper catches you by the waist before you can pull away, drawing you right back in. His lips press insistently to yours, though his touch remains overwhelmingly gentle, like you are the most fragile piece of porcelain. It makes something warm pool deep in your chest, leaving you breathless when you finally pull away.
“I’m afraid we might have to start to movie over,” Jasper muses after a moment, and you can’t help but burst into a fit of giggles, still trying to catch your breath.
“Were you enjoying it?” You ask, eyes suddenly wide with excitement.
“I was.” The vampire presses another, fond kiss to your forehead, drawing the cutest sigh from you. “Though I enjoy your presence even more.”
“...You just liked me playing with your hair, didn’t you?”
You can feel his lips stretch into a smirk against your skin, and you swat playfully at his chest.
“That doesn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying the movie” he defends himself, voice bright with concealed laughter.
“Sure, cowboy, now shush. I don’t have the energy to lecture you twice,” you declare, twisting so you can look at the tv again.
“I wouldn’t dare bring your wrath down again,” he teases as he pulls you into his lap, chin propping on your shoulder.
“If you think that was my wrath, we’re in for a bumpy road, cowboy.” 
“It’s a good thing we’ll have forever then, won’t it darlin’?”
You smile, heart fluttering at the promise behind his words.
“It certainly is.”
---
This definitely took on a life of its own when I started writing, as most of my stuff does. I'll hopefully write another part with the actually turning, because a few people wanted that, but I liked this conversation and thought it'd be important.
Also, Jasper identifying with Wall-e is something I never knew I needed in this life, but it just works so gosh dang well.
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