#i love some old gay men who are gay and old

[janetbrown711]

These Hands of Mine are Clumsy, Not Clever

Pigsy and kids go apartment shopping in the snooty part of town and Pigsy hates just about every second of it. He then shows the kids a thing or two around the restaurant until Tang shows up and shows him a thing or two too

tw for Tw for internalized/external fatphobia, microaggressions, and extreme self deprecation.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Ao3 Link

Being a demon in a highly human populated city was difficult, even under regular circumstances.

Being a demon in an uppity rich people neighborhood with two orphans who did not look like they belonged to him was a whole other kind of difficult.

He could practically feel the eyes on him the moment he set foot outside of the subway behind Mei and MK, who were none the wiser. Pigsy was no stranger to stares and so just tried to keep his eyes low, hands in jacket pockets, and mind focused on their destination, while also making sure Mei and MK were on track too.

It had been two days since the adoption, and the second time they had really ever gone “out”, and the first time they set foot in a wealthier part of town. He always had a distaste for the upper crust of Megapolis, but he knew now for the kids’ sake, he was going to have to learn to get used to all the looks. After all, his only other option would be making his glamor suddenly twenty million times stronger and just wear a human disguise 24/7, and– yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen.

A part of him wished Tang was here– sure, he had a bit of social anxiety with everyone except him, for some reason, but him being a human would probably cut all the gawking in half.

Nono– that was a stupid thought– you don’t just ask customers to go apartment shopping with you– that’s weird. And he clearly has some kind of anxiety-! Pigsy could never ask him to go out with him to go out with the kids and him and face all that judgment and stuff. He never asked for this!

Pigsy was a grown ass man, he could handle this himself.

After a couple twists and turns, as well as accidentally taking a wrong turn and having to walk back three blocks and make a left instead of a right, they arrived at the truly massive apartment complex that was nothing like his part of town in the slightest.

The building had that kind of futuristic architecture to it that wasn’t exactly unfamiliar– gentrification had been growing in Megapolis for years– but this building you could tell wasn’t overpriced and poorly made. No, it was curved and classy and if he tilted his head it could kind of look like a crystal chandelier.

He didn’t do that for long, of course, and ushered MK and Mei inside, receiving strange looks from the massive security desk.

“Can I help… you?” A guard asked from behind his desk.

“I’ve an appointment, bud,” Pigsy rolled his eyes and showed him the printed out email. The guard looked it over, then looked Pigsy over, before silently pointing to his right with his thumb as an audible click rang out.

Something told Pigsy he wasn’t going to be getting anymore conversation out of that guy and so took the hint and opened the door for Mei and MK and they went into the main lobby.

Though ‘lobby’ did not feel like the proper word for Pigsy– it was more like an airport terminal. It was truly gigantic with a lot of benches and shops and rich people services, including a spa.

“Mr. Piggy, can we look at candy?” Mei pulled on his sleeve and pointed to a candy stand.

“We’re gonna be late for our appointment and I need you two to not get lost,” Pigsy shook his head and looked over the print-out he’d shown the guard. The chef, however, made a fatal mistake when he glanced at the kids a second and saw them putting on their best puppy dog faces.

“Gah– maybe after– we really can’t be late,” Pigsy rubbed his forehead.

“I’ll take it!” Mei grinned widely and Pigsy wondered when oh when did he become so soft.

Eventually he figured out their guide’s office was on the seventh floor, so they had to locate an elevator and take that up. And christ– even the elevators were fancy. They all had benches and a guy to specifically push the buttons and most were made of glass so you could look down at everyone in that rich person’s version of a marketplace.

When they stepped out of the elevator, the secretary behind the desk labeled “Rent and Housing Affairs”, didn’t even try to hide her gawking, staring at Pigsy with wide eyes.

Great.

“Um...Hi.” He said curtly, causing the lady to snap out of her disturbed trance. “I have an appointment with Zhao Fen. Name’s Zhu Bajie.”

“R-right, yes, let me just…” She glanced at Pigsy again before shaking her head and focusing on her computer screen. While they waited, Mei and MK wandered over to the fish tank in one of the walls and watched them.

“Ah– um– are those children..?” The secretary glanced at Pigsy again.

“...With me?” He asked, which made her laugh awkwardly. Pigsy rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yes, they’re my kids– what’s this gotta do with my appointment?”

“O-oh, well I have to report any unaccompanied minors and– just– nevermind,” She smiled a bit before typing more.

“Ah, yes, I see your name right here and– Aha-! Miss Zhao is expecting you, so you can just head on back– third door on your right,,” She said, hitting a buzzer and yet another door clicked.

“C’mon Mei, Mk,” Pigsy called for them and they scurried back and down three doors on their right, where Pigsy knocked on the door labeled, “Miss Zhao Fen – Head Leasing Agent”.

“Come on in,” A voice called from behind, and after taking a long breath, Pigsy did.

Immediately upon seeing Pigsy though, Miss Zhao Fen nearly choked on her coffee and had to spend a solid minute clearing her throat.

“Y-you’re… Zhu Bajie?” She asked, looking him up and down like all the other fifty billion strangers he’d met.

“Yes,” Pigsy said, and before she could even ask he pulled out the email and his ID, both of which she took from his hand and looked over.

“Right– Zhu meaning Pig,” She shook her head as she looked at the papers.

“Hmm… Well I suppose everything appears to be in order. You may sit,” She said, gesturing to the four seats across from her desk. Mei and MK had no trouble at all, but Pigsy felt the sides of the seat squeeze his hips again and all he could think to himself was if this place was really so high and mighty why on earth couldn’t they just get more comfortable chairs.

His question was slightly answered when he could see the corner of her mouth flickering as she examined her screen.

Shocking, truly.

“Mr… Zhu, tell me, how exactly did you hear about this building?” Zhao Fen asked.

“Recommended,” He stated, and the kids gave him funny looks that he replied with a small shrug.

“By whom?” She looked at the demon.

“A friend and a lawyer.”

The head leasing agent typed a few more things into her computer, clicked a few things, typed more things before asking: “Mr. Zhu, are you sure this neighborhood is right for… your kind?”

Pigsy’s eye twitched. “Why yes, I am sure.”

“‘Your kind’? What’s Mr. Piggy’s ‘kind’?” Mei tilted her head and the agent was reminded of MK and Mei’s presence.

“Well– I’m of course referring to your salary. Monthly rent averages about 50k a month, and I just don’t think–”

“I have the evidence of income– it was in all those emails, so how's about you skip your little lecture and give the dang tour already, hm? Pigsy snapped.

The lady huffed and typed more things, making Pigsy bite his tongue.

Him and his goddamned temper…

“Says here you’re just looking for a three bedroom two bath?” She asked, and he nodded. With a huff, she typed more things, and then dug through a drawer for a ring of keys.

“Alright, let’s do this,” She said, walking out of her office and holding open the door for them. Mei and MK thanked her as they walked out while Pigsy gave a single nod.

She led them out of the office section and into an unfortunately not glass elevator, where she hit the button for the 75th floor and it took them up at dizzying speeds that made their ears pop and the chef grab the handle. Once it halted, she quickly walked down and led them to apartment 7512 and unlocked it.

And holy fucking shit– this place was like the goddamn Ritz– marble flooring and everything.

“This here is the foyer, that to your left is a Bluthner Grand Piano. Down this way is the Grand Hallway which has a door on your left to the library/office–” She said, taking them down and showing them the massive collection of shelves and books within.

“It comes with your standard copies of Journey to the West, Water Margin, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and Dream of the Red Chamber but also some more western classics as well. The rest is up for you to decide, of course,” She said, and upon hearing Journey to the West, MK immediately ran to the shelves and started looking for it.

“Should… we..?” She looked at the boy strangely.

“It’ll keep him busy,” Pigsy shrugged.

“Alright then,” She said, stepping out and Pigsy and Mei followed since MK was content to curl up on one of the couches and read.

“From here we enter the open concept living room, kitchen, and dining area– all with state of the art technology, including automated curtains in case you don’t want all the light from the wall-to-floor windows getting in. There’s also a gas fireplace, a 108 inch TV, and if we go to the kitchen you’ll see two gas stoves, plenty of cabinet space and the latest Whirlpool fridge,” She said, casually pointing to each thing as Pigsy went to inspect the kitchen and Mei the living space, which included her flopping on each individual couch and pile of blankets set out.

Pigsy almost laughed as he examined the stainless steel stove– this place completely lacked character unlike back home. The marble and shine on every single surface rang out a song of consumerism, and how they would be replaced in two years tops under most owners without a doubt.

But goddamn was it nice.

“Woah-! Mr. Piggy! If you stand like this and look down at the ground it feels like you’re falling!” Mei had her forehead pressed against the glass and was laughing.

Miss Zhao gave Pigsy a look.

“Kid– maybe back away from there, we don’t want you getting sick,” Pigsy urged, which Mei groaned at but obeyed– now sporting a big red splotch on her forehead that made the chef laugh a little again.

She then proceeded to show the pig demon the bedrooms, which were way too big in his opinion– especially the master’s suite, which was probably the size of his current apartment and then some.

Mei really liked them though– she even called MK and they explored the walk-in closets and built-in shelves and how the two other bedrooms were connected to each other via a bathroom so they could hang out whenever (as if they couldn’t do that regularly but whatever). They flopped onto beds to test their bounce, did a race to crawl underneath them and end on the other side, and other kids stuff, and during most of it MK was still holding volume one of Journey to the West.

Pigsy couldn’t deny the place was nice– but he just felt so alien here.

Of course, he was alien here– this whole building probably didn’t have any demons whatsoever in all ninety five floors, unless they worked in the mail room or something.

He felt a bit like how MK did– finding something familiar and latching onto it; only difference was that he didn’t have something to latch onto, except maybe that oven and fridge.

“So what do you think, Mr. Zhu?” The agent suddenly asked for his opinion.

“Ah, you know it’s certainly nice and all– but a little big, isn’t it?” He scratched his head.

“This is amongst the smallest suites we offer here, Mr. Zhu. If you want smaller, you can look in your own neighborhood,” She tsked and wrote something down on a notepad.

“Woah! Mr. Piggy–! I can totally fit under the sink all twisty like!” MK called out from the other room.

“Can you get out though?” Pigsy was about to step in but MK slid right out with a big grin and thumbs up, to which Mei made him do it again and Pigsy relaxed a little.

“You know, Mr. Zhu, I think those children of… yours seem to really like this place. I can show off a few more if you’d like, but this is the only one of this size that will be pre-furnished, especially with that 1870 Bluthner piano,” She said.

Now, Pigsy wasn’t an idiot, he knew when he was being upsold and manipulated.

But at the same time, he really, really didn’t want to have to look over any more places, and the kids did look and sound kind of happy..?

And god– he really, really didn’t want to go furniture shopping…

“I’ll think about it,” He decided.

“Let’s continue then, shall we?”

The group proceeded to tour five more apartments, each stranger and bigger than the last and by the sixth, everyone was just about done. The entire time Pigsy half wished he just chose the first one and got this over with, but he knew it was better to compare and blahblahblah, he was a responsible adult.

Pigsy said he’d think about the offers before selecting anything and the trio was finally, finally free of that awful building and the stench of rich people. They made their way down the streets with haste and for once in his life, Pigsy was happy to reach the filthy subway, and happily paid for his and the kids fares and sat on the bench to wait for their train. However, after a bit of waiting Mei tapped his arm.

“Yeah kid?”

“...You forgot to go back to the stand for the candy,” Mei said, kicking the ground.

Fuck.

“I’m sorry– I forgot– I was just so sick of that place and–” He face palmed. “I’ll… I’ll make it up somehow.”

“No, it’s fine, Mr. Piggy– I shouldn’t’ve said anything,” Mei apologized, taking a step back.

“Kid–” Pigsy would’ve said more, but the rush and roar of their subway train snagged his thoughts and he focused on preparing them to get on.

“Great Job, Pigsy. Day three and you’re already breaking promises!”

The subway ride was pretty miserable for Pigsy now, who was kicking himself for forgetting something so simple, though MK and Mei were managing to mess around as they always did, reading the weird advertisements and maps and PSA’s plastered everywhere. He was happy they could bounce stuff off like that, but it kind of made Pigsy hate himself more for holding onto it.

When the train stopped, Pigsy was relieved to be back in his familiarly dirty and smelly part of town where the neighbors knew and didn’t give a shit about him. He took a deep breath of the cigarette stained air to really embrace his return home and felt himself finally relax after six hours in that hell hole.

“What’re we gonna do now, Mr. Piggy?” Mei asked, and Pigsy realized he didn’t have a clue. The day had started so early but felt like an eternity– there was still plenty of daylight to burn. As they got closer to the apartment Pigsy got an idea though.

“How’d you two like a proper tour of Pigsy’s Noodles? I can show you some of the food stuff and– shoot, I got delivery day tomorrow… Well that’s a problem for Wednesday. What’d ya say?” Pigsy asked.

“Can I touch the grill?” Mei asked with stars in her eyes.

“Uh– maybe when it's off?” Pigsy wasn’t sure what the safe answer to that was.

Mei gave an excited “ous” with an arm pump for extra measure as they walked across the street and around the alley where Pigsy unlocked the backdoor to the restaurant and flicked on the light switch, which caused the light to buzz at just the right frequency to bug Pigsy– and apparently MK too (he really should get that fixed).

“Alright, well– right over here is where we keep our ‘dry stock’-- things like bags of rice, dried chillies, flour– basically anything with a real long shelf life,” Pigsy said, and MK and Mei smacked the bags of rice with a giggle before MK raised his hand.

“What’s ‘shelf life’?”

“Ah– um– how long something can last before it gets mold and stuff,” Pigsy summed up.

“Oh, I know that,” MK made a face and shook his head.

pigsy was going to continue but Mk raised his hand again.

“Do we have to eat any of the food when it gets all moldy and stuff?”

“What-?! No– not even a little– kid, what makes you ask?”

“O-oh I didn’t eat mold like– a lot– it's just sometimes when my mom was mad at me for not eating and stuff– I-i’m fine-! It was just a punishment–! My fault really,” MK shook off the concerned look and laughed.

“Kid–” Pigsy closed his eyes and thought very carefully about what he was going to say next. “That’s…. that’s not okay– and it’s not normal, and it’s certainly not your fault. That– that’s practically poison for christ’s sake– I–” Pigsy took a breath, finding it hard to look at MK’s confused dark eyes.

“Just… again, you really don’t have to worry about that anymore, so… don’t. Please.”

Pigsy knew he could’ve phrased it better, especially as he saw MK being very much not swayed by his pathetic attempt at a heart-to-heart. He tried to talk again, but he just knew he’d fuck it up again. With a heavy sigh, he continued the tour.

He showed them where the “dry stock” was, where everything was kept and what stuff they were allowed to get down and stuff they should ask him about first, then he started to show them the kitchen, where Mei immediately put her hands on the grill, but it was fine because it was off anyways. He showed them pots and pans, and then he showed them the register, and said maybe in a year or two they could work it themselves, which they ‘ooo’-ed and ‘ahhh’-ed at.

Pigsy was good in his restaurant. He knew what he was doing when it came to cooking and noodles and cleaning and stuff.

But as he watched Mei and MK mess around and push random buttons on the turned off register, Pigsy couldn’t help but think about how he was terrible with people.

A part of him blamed his father and his bullshit parenting style, but another part of him knew he was an asshole anyways– getting into fights, smoking, picking way too many battles– he was dogshit at emotions, except for anger and self hatred.

He wasn’t built for this– he wasn’t built for any of this– God– everytime he looked at these kids he felt like he learned something even more fucked up than the previous time and he was just so helpless in all of it– and god– his instincts just wanted him to be worse– to yell and get impatient and roll his eyes– it was probably because he was a demon. He knew the stereotypes, and dammit, it fit almost every bill.

The kids didn’t need a demonic caretaker. They needed someone who could walk them down the street or take them to the park or something and not be met with stares or suspicion– someone who was good and nice on instinct– someone who had patience and could talk well– someone like–

A knock at the window snapped him out of his head, and his heart nearly stopped when he noticed–

“Mr. Tang!” MK waved from the register and the man waved back with a laugh.

Moving quickly with embarrassment, Pigsy stepped out from behind the counter and unlocked the door for his esteemed regular.

“We aren’t open, you know,” The chef said as he opened the door.

“Ah, you’re always open for me Pigsy,” Tang winked and stepped in. “Also– wow, you’ve got to tell me who your repair guys are because this is just– wow,” the customer looked around and whistled.

“Would if I could,” Pigsy shrugged and locked the door behind him.

“What do you mean by that?” Tang raised an eyebrow and laughed in that adorable way he did.

“Two days ago the place was just magically fixed up– literally don’t have a clue as to why or how,” The chef said and the kids “mhm”-ed in agreement.

“Ooo, maybe a fox spirit came in the night and fixed this place up for you,” Tang wiggled his fingers in a manner that made the kids laugh.

“Yeah, because I know fox spirits,” Pigsy rolled his eyes and went back behind the counter to start boiling water as Tang took his seat at the bar.

“Ooo– You gonna order something? Whatcha gonna get? I can punch the numbers in!” MK said excitedly.

“Hey– I wanna take Mr. Tang’s order!” Mei protested.

“Neither of you are going to take his order– he always wants the same thing and he never pays for it,” Pigsy teased his only customer.

Mei gasped. “But Mr. Piggy, you said everyone has to pay for their food.”

“I’m an exception, kiddo,” Tang smirked as he pulled his laptop from his bag and Pigsy started up the grill.

“What? Why?” MK asked. Pigsy felt his heart stop, and so forced himself to start slicing peppers while he waited for the pot to boil so he didn’t have to look at Tang.

Why?

Because Tang was cute. Because he came in looking as thin as a noodle. Because he smiled so stupidly at Pigsy at the register. Because he was so embarrassed he was short on change he looked like he was going to cry. Because he looked so happy when Pigsy said he’d give him the first one free. Because the stranger kept coming in short on change. Because Pigsy ‘forgot’ to ring it a few times. Because after a while he stopped pretending to even try to pay. Because Pigsy liked poking fun at the fact he never charged him. Because he was special. Because he was Tang.

“Because Mr. Pigsy here is very nice,” The customer said, and Pigsy nearly sliced his finger off in surprise. He glanced over his shoulder at Tang, who was smiling at him so warmly it made Pigsy’s face turn as red as the peppers he was cutting.

He quickly looked away and got back to slicing.

“Besides, I have like– no money and a man’s gotta eat,” Tang joked and Mei laughed.

“You picked the right place then because there’s no noodles like Pigsy’s Noodles,” MK said with a cheeky grin.

“Oh? That a new slogan?” Tang perked up in surprise.

“What’s a slogan?” MK tilted his head and Pigsy chuckled.

“Well look at that– you’re practically head of advertising,” Tang winked at the kid and got to typing on his laptop.

“Mr. Piggy, what does that mean?” MK turned to the chef.

“Means you’re smart and creative and stuff, kid– it’s a compliment,” Pigsy said, still not looking back as he started grilling the vegetables.

“Oh,” MK blinked, looking back at Tang. “...Thanks.”

“No problem, MK,” Tang smiled again.

MK smiled right back and got back to his important job of pushing buttons on the register, while Mei crept behind Pigsy and watched him work.

“You interested in cooking, kid?” Pigsy asked as he started to stir the noodles.

“I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen at home– this is cool,” Mei said, trying to peer into the far too tall pot.

“It is cool,” Pigsy nodded to himself, before asking, “Do you… want a stool or something?”

Mei nodded excitedly and Pigsy told her where it was in the cleaning supplies and the girl immediately scurried off to fetch it, returning in a flash and immediately sticking her head directly over the pot.

“Wow, that’s a lotta steam,” She said, having to lean back and blink it out of her eyes.

“Yeah– uh– hot water… does that,” Pigsy again fucked up talking like human being. Mei giggled a little and watched as Pigsy stirred and added salt before going to the sink to strain them.

Then he added the sauces, vegetables, and spices and in no time at all, Tang’s noodles were ready and Pigsy handed them off to his regular, all while Mei cheered and ‘ooo’-ed him on.

“You okay, Pigsy? You seem a little off today,” Tang said in a hushed tone, taking the bowl and accidentally brushing the chef’s fingers.

“I… went apartment shopping in the upper east side,” Pigsy said, quickly pulling his fingers away and handing Tang chopsticks.

Tang sucked in a breath. “Yeah, that can’t have been easy.”

“Y-yeah,” Pigsy couldn’t look at him again.

Tang furrowed his brow. “Do… you need to talk about it?”

“Wh-what? No, please– This is standard procedure– I knew what I was getting myself into– I’m fine. Really,” he tried to assure, but he was aware he sounded like a big idiot.

“Hey MK, Mei– how’d you two like to sit in a booth and color out these Journey to the West coloring pages, huh?” Tang suddenly switched gears and pulled out coloring sheets and a box of crayons from his bag.

“Would I?!” MK leapt from the register and dashed around the corner, immediately taking the papers and going to go color, and Mei followed in her friend's steps.

“What are you doing?” Pigsy whispered.

“A favor. Now tell me what’s going on,” His customer pleaded with him but Pigsy shook his head and started cleaning things up.

“Like I said, it’s nothing I’m not used to,” He half lied.

“You know that doesn’t make anything any easier, right?” Tang said, finally starting to eat his food.

“O-of course I know that–” Pigsy flustered. “I-i just– it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“...It’s not just you having been uptown, is it?” Tang asked.

Pigsy sighed as he scooped up the leftover bits of chili and tossed them into the trash. “I… maybe– but again, I–”

“I knew it,” Tang interrupted him. “Do you wanna talk somewhere more private?”

“Well– who’d watch them?” Pigsy crossed his arms.

“Psh, they have coloring pages and it’s not like they’re four or anything– they’ll be fine,” Tang brushed it off. “C’mon– let’s talk in the back.”

Pigsy would’ve protested more, except that Tang already walked over with his bowl and chopsticks still in hand.

Oh boy…

Pigsy followed him to the back “office” – which was really just a folding table and two chairs with a crap laptop and corkboard and when Pigsy hesitated to sit, Tang patted the chair next to him, making Pigsy feel wildly embarrassed.

“So what’s the matter?” Tang asked as he continued to eat.

“You know this area is supposed to be for employees only,” Pigsy gave him a look.

“You’re trying to deflect and it will not work my dear Pig Man,” Tang smirked and Pigsy gave him yet another look.

“Look– you can judge me all that you want but we’re at least friends, aren’t we? And friends care about when other friends are going through something so– just– tell me what’s wrong,” Tang said with such a genuine tone that it made Pigsy actually want to talk to him, which was insane to say the least.

“I… just… I’m not…” Pigsy took a deep breath in and out.

“I’m not good at this, Tang. I-i don’t know why I even agreed to this– I’m not a human, or a dragon, or fucking royalty– I’m just some fat pathetic lowlife of a demon with anger issues. I don’t even know what to say to them half of the time–! and they’ve just– they’ve been through so much Tang, especially that MK and I just–” Pigsy ran his fingers against his head. “I don’t think I cando this.”

“Pigsy, you aren’t some lowlife–”

Pigsy huffed in contempt.

“You’re a good person, Pigsy– that’s why you did this. You have a big heart deep in there and you care for the little guy,” Tang set down his chopsticks and put his hand closer to the chef on the table.

“Tang… I learned your name three days ago… a-and there’s just so much you and the kids and no one else knows about me, and I just– I hurt people, Tang. It’s my instinct to snap or yell or get frustrated and they don’t need that,” Pigsy looked away.

“Pigsy–”

“You don’t know me, Tang. Y-you’re just some freeloader who hasn’t been here long enough to know just how much pain I’ve caused those I care about– I mean– christ, you don’t even know about Sandy– a-and–” Pigsy realized what he said and his face fell.

“God– I did it again-! I mean– Jesus, Tang-! Look at me! I-i’m a fucking mess-! A mess you barely even know–” Pigsy felt a tight lump start to form in his throat.

“Pigsy–”

“A-and that’s a good thing, Tang… you shouldn’t know me– those kids shouldn’t know me– Nobody should– god I’m such a mess,” Pigsy whispered that last part to himself.

Tang sat in that confession for a moment, before inching his hand closer.

“Well what if I want to know you, hm? What if I want to know the kind noodle shop owner who’s given me free food for a year without even knowing my name?”

“Tang–”

“No Pigsy– what if I want to know the absolute saint of a pig man who risked life and limb for kids he didn’t even know and had no obligation to protect? What if I want to know the man who took in those two kids just so they wouldn’t be separated? Hm? Have you ever considered that I should have a say or could have a want in this? I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions,” Tang protested further.

“Tang, you don’t–”

“No– don’t you try and deny it– those are good things Pigsy and you did them because you are good,” Tang placed a hand on Pigsy’s shoulder that caused the demon to look at him.

“But you don’t–”

“But I do, Pigsy. I do know that because bad people wouldn’t do any of those things– hell, even just decent people wouldn’t. Even if your instincts are to fight or curse or yell, you do it for the right people and the right reasons, and if you didn’t in the past, who gives a shit because you do now, and now is all I or anyone else should care about,” Tang’s hand traveled down his arm until he reached the chef’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“They don’t deserve someone with a past like mine, Tang. They deserve someone who’s always been sweet and kind and good and– and someone like you,” Pigsy looked away.

“You think I’m... sweet?” Tang blinked, and Pigsy realized what he just said.

“I… um… y-yeah. I-i guess I do,” He shrugged a little, which made him also realize he was holding Tang’s hand. More importantly, he realized he wasn’t letting go either.

“I think you’re sweet too, Pigsy– a lot more than you give yourself credit for,” Tang smiled that stupid little smile he always had as he gave Pigsy’s hand another squeeze.

“I– um– Th-thanks… but I’m still– I’m just in so over my head, you know? I still don’t think I can do this alone,” He practically whispered.

“But you aren’t alone– you have me,” Tang’s hand moved back to his shoulder, before his eyes widened, making him pull away and spout– “i-if you want me to help– o-of course, I’m not like– intruding, I’m just saying– I-i–”

Pigsy suddenly laughed and now it was his turn to place a hand on Tang’s shoulder.

“I’d like that, Tang. I’d like that a lot.”

“Thanks,” Tang sighed a breath of relief as he looked back at Pigsy. “Again, you really are a big softie in there, you just gotta let yourself see it.”

“Yeah, I guess you might be a little right,” Pigsy laughed weakly with a playful shrug, and Tang rolled his eyes and laughed too.

“You know I’m right– and hey, if someone as ‘sweet’ as me can like someone as ‘awful’ as you, you really can’t be all that bad, can you?” Tang pointed out.

Pigsy had to think about that for a moment.

“Eh. You’re just different– an angel among men,” Pigsy half-joked.

“You think I’m an angel?” Tang laughed, his face flushing ever so slightly.

“Ah– well– you know–” Pigsy tried to wave off the emotion, but Tang placed a delicate hand on his cheek, which instantly got ten degrees warmer. It was made even worse when Pigsy instinctively placed his hand atop Tang’s, despite his heart pounding a mile a minute.

Suddenly, his regular was leaning really close, looking at Pigsy’s deep, dark eyes with a million emotions at once, and the chef knew he was looking back with a similar gaze. When neither one broke, Tang closed his eyes, tilting his head ever so slightly and as Pigsy closed his eyes and returned the lean, he soon knew the taste of perfection.

Tang leaned back for a second, looking the chef in the eyes to comment, “I think you’re pretty angelic yourself,” before Pigsy smiled and kissed the customer right back.

Heaven.

This was what heaven felt like.

“Mr. Piggy– look at what I drew for– what are you doing?” The small voice of MK made the two men practically fall out of their chairs and they stumbled to their feet, their faces hot and red with embarrassment.

“A-ah well, me and Mr. Tang here w-were just discussing–”

“--We were discussing some ingredient improvements for the rice noodles– it was a little dry,” Tang finished his sentence. Pigsy looked at him worried for a second before Tang shook his head slightly and Pigsy relaxed.

“Oh– well– uh– I drew you-! I-if you wanna see it– haha…” MK suddenly got embarrassed until Pigsy opened his hand, and the boy handed it over.

On the plain backside of the coloring sheet was a fairly impressive drawing of the chef’s battle three days ago with the tiger demons, though with the added detail of having a staff, a cape, and looking much cooler than he probably did.

“I love it, kiddo,” Pigsy smiled and gave the kid a thumbs up.

“R-really?!” MK beamed.

The chef chuckled. “Of course, kid. Would I lie to you?”

MK shook his head.

“Good, glad you know that,” Pigsy winked. “Mind if I put it up back here? Might help bring some life to all the paperwork I gotta do.”

“Wow– okay!” MK flapped his hands a little, which made Pigsy ruffle his hair before finding a thumb tack and adding it to the corkboard.

“See? Even the kid thinks you’re a hero,” Tang whispered with a smirk as he grabbed his noodles and started eating once more.

That… was true. Despite his fuck ups, MK still clearly looked up to him. Pigsy would have to be heartless to try and leave now– hell, the kid would probably just blame himself and Pigsy wasn’t going to let that happen.

No, like the drawing showed, he cared for these kids, and yeah, he had bad habits and tendencies, but he did good things too… Maybe. Look– he was going to work on it so… yeah.

These kids didn’t deserve the bad, but they did deserve the good, and Pigsy would provide that for them in a heartbeat, and that was a Pigsy guarantee.

Wait…Holy fucking shit— did he and Tang just kiss—???

#lego monkie kid #lmk #freenoodles #pigsy lmk #tang lmk #mk lmk #mei dragon #mei lmk #dadsy #Pigsy needs a hug #i love some old gay men who are gay and old #they literally deserve the world #as do young mk and mei

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[butch-bakugo]

Can the weird "Gaylor" taylor swift fans like fully fuck off please

I don't know why your here or why ur liking stuff but if you obsess over some celebrity like that, you need to touch grass also here

Racism jumpscare! Here's her excuse

Bs she's been a poster child for racist old white hetero men for years. She's not gay stfu and go home.

#levi speaks #she litteralky threatend to out a guy because he dumped her in some of her old music #how to tell who liked her old stuff and who just got here #like i loved her old country music but ive matured #she made a whole song about people coming after her for being racist on twitter and tried to make it about the gays™️ #ugh stfu even if shes gay i dont csre #like these fans are weird asf #looking into every single thing in her performance for clues #saying all her relationships with men are for pr #wtf leave me alone ur obsessive #gaylor

[magentagalaxies]

one of the absolute funniest moments on scott's tour that i wasn't able to capture on camera (for obvious reasons) was at the meet and greet after the nashville show these two older gay guys mentioned they were reading scott's wikipedia page before the show to find out more to chat about at the meet and greet and like. idk if this is just because i am very familiar with scott's wikipedia page but you could tell that was the extent of their scott knowledge (which is valid not everyone is researching a documentary on the guy)

but then they asked about the poster for the lowest show, which they'd never heard of before their wikipedia reading, specifically this quote:

"The posters—featuring Thompson lying supine on the ground with a big wad of semen dripping down the side of his face—went up around the city on September 10, 2001"

and they were like "wow we'd love to see those posters hahaha" and i immediately jump in like "oh i have that photo on my phone give me like 2 seconds"

to be clear: these guys had not interacted with me or acknowledged my existence the entire conversation. they had their backs to me when they were talking to scott, i did not introduce myself as directing the documentary since i wasn't filming and they didn't ask who i am, etc. but my brain was like "oh someone wants to learn more about scott? my time to shine, let me pull up that folder in my camera roll". even scott was like jfc here they go again.

anyway i barely had to scroll back in my doc research folder so i immediately held out my phone to the guys and showed them this

it's a photo taken days after 9/11 of scott in front of the posters for his show which was supposed to open the following week

so i hold out my phone and explain this thinking like hey i'm being so helpful these guys wanted to see this aspect of scott lore and i gave it to them!! meanwhile these two old guys are like i can't even focus on the poster anymore i am standing next to scott thompson and also WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD AND WHY DID THEY JUST HAVE THIS ON THEIR PHONE?

another one of the funniest tour moments was after meeting up with some gay guys in their 70s who were friends-of-a-friend-of-scott and immediately befriending both of them we were about to leave and i asked for their phone number and scott just rolled his eyes and was like i'll give you his phone number in the car as though he was saying "jfc jessamine this is ridiculous even for you". he never ended up giving me the old guy's number

#i just love old gay men so much lmao #and they seem to love me (or at least the ones in the second example did lmao) #also one of the other indicators that the first guys only knew about scott's personal life from his wikipedia page #is that they assumed the last boyfriend mentioned on there was someone scott was still dating to this day #and they were like ''oh i'm so happy to hear you have (boyfriend's name)'' meanwhile scott is like ''uh sorry we broke up 21 years ago'' #meanwhile i'm like SAME NUMBER OF YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN ALIVE SCOTT!! #to be fair scott hasn't had a serious long-term relationship since then so we have joked about my birth somehow being the antichrist #but just for scott thompson's romantic life. like there's some curse that scott can't be in a serious relationship until i am #which is very funny bc both of us did in fact have a date we were looking forward to when we got back from the tour #in my case mine is with a hot nonbinary person who works at the venue where scott did his boston show and that's how we met lmao #this is also why i was pissed off that my instagram locked me out bc i have hot nonbinary person's instagram but not their phone number #and i said i'd message them when i got back from the tour. which i cannot do #tempted to just message them as mouth congress (the one account i can still get into) and send them my phone number #maybe i'll do that if i don't get my instagram back by buddy's birthday #anyway maybe this is oversharing about both my love life and scott's love life but i just find it very funny #like i was never someone in high school who went on dates and gossiped about it with my friends #and now i get to have some bizarre version of that where my peer group is goddamn scott thompson???? #between this and me pulling up the lowest show pic in like 2 seconds yeah maybe we are weirdly close lmao #but i wouldn't have it any other way

[pansyfemme]

height of my night is my dad talking abt the gay bars in town and being like ‘oh that ones a straight meat market!! naked guys dancing on tables and all that!’ and then i was like. isnt the one you used to go to. and he was like. yeah

#before my dad met my mom he was deeply in love with this trans woman who did drag shows at this local gay bar #and he would go every night. she died of aids but he still speaks abt her so fondly its sweet #but this particular club is what he calls ‘full of old fashioned queers’ #the windows were still painted so no one could see inside type old fashioned. #and he talks abt it so fondly but also he’s like. a bit more open abt why he visited so often #now my brother and i are older and also gay #men lmaooo… #my dad straight up told me the best cruising spots one time. that was fun #i think a lot of time when ppl think of older bi men they think of guys who identified as straight or gay then settled down and #figured out when they were older but my dad’s known he’s bisexual since he was #15. and like. he was rlly in gay culture at the time #and its tbh nice hearing abt it. its not like. #super graphic what he says but i acknowledge that my dad had other partners before my mom. some of them men. #and its just like kinda cool to have that elder queer prescense in my family #of course my moms the same way. she talks abt her life working on all #women farms. and living in san francisco and . #being in this lesbian scene in the 80’s and its so cool.. #i will admit. i didnt know my parents were queer until i had already come out #but they never. hid it from us it just never came up. #but once it did it was rlly nice to have that perspective. #bc my parents are from a different era of queer ppl it was hard to get them to understand transition at first #bc my dad didnt really know the difference between trans people and ‘crossdressers’ bc a lot of ppl considered themselves as both #when he was in the scene. #but they learned and its just nice to have multiple generations of queer ppl in the family #its comforting. #knowing that my brother and i are educating them as much as they are to us.

[ishedadordaddy]

Sometimes healing from religious trauma is looking back and going “HOLY FUCK! YOU SAID WHAT? JESUSSSSS CHRIST! I WAS A CHILD YOU SAID THAT TO, THATS JUST BLATANT HATE! MY GOD” and then hating yourself for ever believing it because you weren’t taught any different and had to on your own time realize that the adults in your life were just casually spouting hate speech with the excuse of religious texts.

And by the way. Feel free to vent in the tags or comments. Just PLEASE, don’t come onto here and try and argue why any points anyone tries to make about things they’ve been through aren’t that bad or should be ignored. Right now this is a safe space for people who have been through religious trauma. Not for people who are happy in their religion and want to convert others.

You have your own spaces. Use them.

#looking at you lds/Mormons #you know. I don’t care about the whole “oh we don’t want to be called mormons that’s disrespectful” thing #cause like. you know what’s more hateful? #ANTISEMITISM #Not even like “well it’s not our fault you interpreted it wrong type either. just blatant antisemitsm and being like and they had it coming #like no????? also like your religion is the fannon/fanfic of all Christian religons #no one treats you seriously you fucking crack ship of a religion and leave #the things that I was just casually taught that when you look back on it with like even the slightest bit of rose colored glasses removed #is just blatant hate speech man. #like no. don’t go around saying the native Americans are Jews who were forsaken by god #that’s racist #and also FULL of antisemitism #the amount of “and remember god is a white man who only loves us and only loves white men” speeches I’ve had is far too many #like I’ve been told to become a mom because god made me that way and it’s disrespectful to want a job cause god made us nurturing unlike men #and like all the anti-gay rhetoric and anti-trans #like if you’re not an old cishet white man from the 50s you are FUCKED in the eyes of their god #and people wonder why I think that the idea that god died years ago is preferable to a god existing #cause like. an all loving god wouldn’t allow for THIS SHIT especially not in the one true religion as some churches believe #tw vent #tw religion #tw homophobia #tw antisemitism #tw transphobia #tw racism #tw lds church and lds church beliefs #tw xenophobia #kinda? but I’m just gonna say yes to be safe #the amount of trigger warnings when I’m not even going IN DEPTH about any of the shit I’ve heard is honestly concerning and talks for itself #tw sexism #religious trauma

[terpia]

I love this exchange lmao

#dare i say #me #personal #this is from the charioteer by mary renault #i think i'm enjoying it? or at least there are a lot of things that i like about it so far #but it's very slow going #it's the 50s-ness of the book that gets in my way i think #there are so many things about it that feel very modern/realistic #and i do legitimately love the portrayal of laurie's relationships with andrew and ralph #and the way they relate to the broader philisophical concept of a soul being driven by the two different horses #however i'm struggling to get fully invested because as soon as i do things start getting homophobic again #like the idea that any man who is flamboyant or 'effeminate' is somewhow lesser for it #or the idea that queerness should never be a major part of your identity and that the queer community as a concept is something to shun #not to mention that weird hierarchical idea of some gay men (i.e. artistic geniuses) being on top and others (i.e. the proudly queer) #being on the bottom #i like to think that i'm typically able to get over the more poorly aged features of old books #but in this case because there's so much that still resonates with me as a modern reader/queer person #those uglier elements just stick out all the more #mind you i'm only a bit over halfway through the book so i don't know yet how its portrayal of certain topics will resolve #also holy shit does this book love an awkward meet up #i just got to bunny's introduction and whatever else he ends up doing in the book #having a tea party with his current partner + his partner's ex + the ex's current jealous boyfriend #+ his own current partner's old flame/current crush/the guy the ex's boyfriend was jealous over #tells me he has nerves of steel

[cruelsister-moved2]

my mums friends who r a gay couple were here n it reminded me why im fem4masc only because they literally look the same its crazy😭i was like making tea for everyone and seriously struggling to give the right person the right tea because i could hardly tell the dif betweenthem-_- and we have known them for years and years and they didnt USED to look the same like theyve literally just slowly been turning into the same guy scream

#i have face blindness so badly for men but i swear they look like the same person #theyre so fun though #love gay ppl and we had a 2:1 ratio of gay to straight in the house #plus their kids #n one of their kids is obsessed with utah for some reason? #and kept saying he wants to live in utah #and we were ALL just like [gay despair] no you DONT #i need to be one half of a charming old married gay couple so bad grr #theyve got 12 chickens who all have very camp names #like lady tallulah #and madame chickpea #who the children named but their dad was like youc an tell theyve got gay dads cant you

[leatherbookmark]

okay, it seems reading from the “oh dear all those people are so fucked up” angle paid off, i’m barely 41 pages in (vs the book’s 428, that’s Nothing) but look at this quote (pgs 39, 41-42):

It happened that there was a black mirror stand opposite Yuichi. The round mirror had been knocked askew by the robe of someone walking past it, but there on its back, as it were, it reflected full in the face of Yuichi. While they talked, Yuichi felt as if his own face stared at him from time to time.

(...) All the while Yuichi was taken with the face of the beautiful youth that stared at him out of the mirror in the lamplight. The deep, mournful eyes under the intelligent brows stared fixedly in hsi direction.

Yuichi Minami tasted the mystery of that beauty. The face he had always known, filled with the energy of youth, carved with the depth of masculinity, bearing the unhappy bronze substance of youth -- it was his own. Until now Yuichi had felt only loathing in his consciousness of his own beauty. The beauty of the boys he loved, on the other hand, filled him with longing. As men in general do, Yuichi forbade himself ever to believe that he was beautiful. But the fervent praise of this old man before him now rang in his ears; and that artistic poison, the powerful poison of his words, loosened those inhibitions that had persisted so long. He now permitted himself to believe that he himself was beautiful. Now for the first time Yuichi saw himself in all his beauty. Within that little round mirror appeared the face of a surprisingly beautiful youth he had never seen before. The manly lips exposed a row of white teeth that involuntarily broke into a smile.

#like hm! there is something! there is something there! #the tanizakicore of a man obsessed with a pretty young woman and deciding to guide her/raise her into his perfect woman But ending up #being the one owned/dominated by her... except here it's a young man instead of a woman. shunsuke (the old writer) plans to use yuichi #to take revenge on Women aka have him seduce them and then break their hearts BUT he ends up giving yuichi all his life's money before dying #as an extension there's the young attractive Observed person turning the gaze on themselves and discovering their powers (yuichi later has #flings with other men; when the one he's close with is jealous of the one who's just asked yuichi out and tells yuichi to not come to the #meeting but meet up with him instead; yuichi just... doesn't come to meet any of them) #there's also something i've noticed -- not in this quote but somewhere else -- about how loving men as a man is somewhat placed in #opposition to loving men as women do. there's nothing worse to a gay man than femininity! youichi even thinks to himself that 'if i; who; #though i cannot love women wish only to love women; loved this boy -- after all a man -- would he not become transformed into some #unspeakably ugly; woman-like creature?' this is in particular interesting re: mishima's other more autobiographic-like work of confessions #of a mask in which he talks about dressing as a female stage artist as a child and becoming obsessed with a beautiful knight -- but on the #other hand feeling deep disappointment and betrayal when said knight turned out to be joanne d'arc #so far we're not in Women's Thoughts yet so i don't know for how long i'm going to have patience for this book but. it is interesting #shrimp thoughts #liveshrimping

[a-story-teller]

Had another dream story idea and it's BAD out here y'all. My subconscious said "you don't go for sad old white men yaoi? Well here's one and you have to care about it so much. Good luck"

#the braiiiin worms #The surrounding story was very good lotr asoiaf 80's fantasy epic and then there were these two dudes just So Achingly In Love oh my GOD #Basically they had been knights together back in the day during their own Young Men Do Big Things story and deposed the evil mage king #They were just village boys turned soldiers who fell in love and did something good #but then the one was basically forced to become king because he'd killed the last one and had to get married and produce an heir #So he does get married but tells the queen he's never going to sleep w her and she can fuck who she likes and her kids can have the throne #Since he's not even nobility he doesn't care about The Bloodline #His lover is promoted to “protector of the king” 👀 and they manage to be happy despite the restrictions of royal life #Eventually though it comes out that the king's kids aren't his #And this sparks a conflict between “loyalists” who want the True King's Legacy and the “monarchists” who want Real Noble Lineage #With the queen basically standing back and watching it happen as the crown prince decides now is a great time to try “patricide” #the lover finds the king's nephew (the loyalists' heir) and tells the guard to take him to distant family to raise until he's old enough #But the guard is like “he's gonna get found out in no time” so instead sells him to ppl who find exotic kids for nobles to keep as wards #and he basically disappears into a faraway household and the lover doesn't even know #Meanwhile the king survives a poison attempt but is now physically impaired and on high alert #He leaves with a small retinue to Do Some Business but when he comes back the castle gates are up and arrows start raining down #So it's him and his little group at the edge of a market vs. an entire castle #In the ambush/battle he is seriously wounded #and they try to fake his death to get back in the castle and then nurse him/sneak him out #But the prince doesn't take it at face value and stabs the “body” to make sure #and the lover has to act through watching his all-but-husband who'd just planned their escape from all this get killed in front of him #So that it doesn't blow his cover and get him killed too #That's about where the dream ended but I'm uggg g h gg #I'm SO invested in these two fantasy gays and their incredibly poetic relationship #Doesn't hurt that there were like 3 very graphic sex scenes between them across the timeline #And they were so obsessed with and hungry for each other the whole time.... the last one was just before the ambush #after the king has been left near-immobile from the poison and they're like 40-something #and the lover takes him away from all that and back to the days it was just them and he was strong #It was sooo romantic but also hell when can I get ravaged like that #Anyway I'm ruined and I can't even really work on it I have too many other things to do

[electric-rabbits]

Why are these two men fucking each other with their eyes in the middle of my black and white comedy from 1960 about bank robbery??

#of course i know why. its old men yaoi. #i cannot stress this enough: this scene has no apparent reason. they just. sot there drinking and talking about love and shooting looks #god i love queercoded characters #I was expecting some queerness from the other guy. the one who is very clearly implicitly gay. but these two took me by surprise

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

#again i do not have enough performance experiences to make any definitive claims about who ''aubery's audience'' is #but i find it funny that any time i show my aubrey material one-on-one to a queer gen z person #they're always like ''i love it but straight people will definitely hate it or not get it'' #and i get the inclination to be like. ''i like this thing so people like me will like this thing'' #and cishet society seems so polarized w/r/t queer topics it's like. the assumption makes sense #however. whenever i've done an aubrey performance in front of an audience that's predominantly queer and gen z #i've actually received a primarily negative response!! and somehow straight people have never given me shit for my aubrey material #(''well straight allys don't count'' i told some of my aubrey jokes to a joe rogan dudebro and he enjoyed them) #(which yeah maybe could be a mark against my comedy but i like to think i opened his mind a bit at the very least) #i really want to test my aubrey monologues in front of a primarily gen x/boomer audience #bc so far i only have actual performance experience in front of gen z or millennials #and the older people i've told jokes to individually or shown videos of my stuff have really liked it #luckily paul has said a goal for when i'm in town this summer is to get me to perform my aubrey stuff in as many different places as possib #for both queer audiences and non-queer audiences so i can gauge reactions since i don't want to be confined to one demographic #so i'll get a lot of data points this summer #@ paul get me a performing slot at senior citizen pride lmao these are my people #(shoutout to paul going ''jess stop collecting the old homos!'' last time i was in town) #(and when i imitated him and was like ''old gay men are not your pokemon!'' bellini was like ''ok but they may be your audience'') #also one data point i really want to see the variation on is how my one specific joke plays in these different demographics #bc i have a joke that like. it's literally not even about AIDS and doesn't punch down at all #i literally say ''if you're gay and over the age of 50 you could violate the geneva convention and i'd still be like support our troops'' #like obviously being like ''you have been through hell so i will let you get away with literal war crimes you deserve ultimate immunity'' #BUT. in the line right before the quote i use the phrase ''AIDS generation'' not as a derogatory term but being like. #this horrible thing impacted the entire generation y'know? and bellini and scott and their friends call themselves that it's just the term #but when i said the phrase ''AIDS generation'' in front of my gen z audience i heard gasps and felt like they all hated me #and when i did the same line in front of millennials it wasn't quite as striking but their eyes did widen #like i was suddenly an ''edgy comedian''. but like this is a part of our history and it does inform the story i'm telling #the story i'm telling is comedic but it's grounded in this real world context #and i'm like. @ the audience who was offended: when was the last time any of y'all spoke to a gay man over the age of 50 #bc bellini loves that section of the monologue and was offended that people would even take offense to that phrase

[omgthatdress]

The Importance of Studying Queerness in Context.

When studying queer history, one always has to keep in mind two seemingly contradictory things: firstly, that queerness and queer people have always existed, but at the same time, that queerness and queer identities have not always existed the way they exist today.

Modern queer terms and identities did not exist to queer people in the past. They would not have thought of themselves as "gay" or "trans" or even "queer." While these modern terms may seem to fit certain historic individuals, these individuals would not have thought of themselves as such, and it would not be a part of their lived experience. To apply the modern identities of queerness to history is to erase the lives and experiences of queer people in history, and care must always be taken to understand queer history within the context of its time.

When looking at queer history online, there is a *lot* of misinformation and misidentification out there simply because people are eager to apply modern queerness to history, often in places where it doesn't belong.

A lot of old photos get misidentified as gay because they show two people of the same sex showing some level of physical affection towards each other. Okay, I'll admit that the open-mouth kissing photobooth pictures are probably actually gay, but an old picture of two men or two women holding hands or with their arms around each other, or even kissing on the cheek, were common shows of platonic affection.

I hate to break everyone's gay little hearts, but without explicit documentation saying so, assuming that these couples are all gay is putting modern queer identity in places where it simply didn't exist. The women in the final picture are sisters. The "not married" boys are bachelors interested in marrying women.

In the silent film Wings, the emotional climax of the film comes in the form of a kiss exchanged between the characters played by Jack Powell and David Armstrong. It often gets attributed as the first gay kiss in cinema history, even on the fucking YouTube clip I found:

Except it isn't gay. The two men spend the whole film fighting over who gets to be Clara Bow's boyfriend. When Richard Arlen's character is fatally wounded, his dear friend rushes to his side and kisses him goodbye, because in the 1920s, that was considered the ultimate show of friendship. The movie ends with Jack Powell falling in love with Clara Bow.

Similarly, a kiss shared between Lillian and Dorothy Gish in the 1921 movie Orphans of the Storm often gets attributed as being queer, but it wasn't.

They were sisters playing sisters. None of this was considered unusual.

Pooh-poohing on all of these images that so many people on the internet breathlessly and joyously laud as proud gay history isn't fun. It makes me feel like I'm fucking Ben Shapiro. But if misinformation is allowed to flourish, it allows people like Ben Shapiro to come in and make the argument that queerness is a modern invention and queer people didn't exist in the past.

Everyone loves to see queerness represented in history, but the fact is that none of the stuff in this post would have been seen as explicitly gay and thus shouldn't be called gay today. If we are to understand queer history in its fullness and richness, it is absolutely crucial that we get it right. We owe it to our queer ancestors to recognize, honor, and not embellish the actual lives they lived.

#queer history #gay history #lgbt history #queer #gay #lgbt #Youtube

[demilypyro]

demily I'd normally vote for lesbians but good omens is one of my favourite shows of all time, so please sell me on suletta x miorine before I choose the old men situationship

Okay then here we go *cracks knuckles*

So there's this daughter of the CEO of a giant tech corp, Miorine, who wants to escape from her private school because her dad intends to make her marry whoever is the best at Giant Robot Fights.

She meets this random country girl, Suletta, who just started attending the school. Suletta inadvertently is the best at Giant Robot Fights because she has a crazy good robot, making her Miorine's fiance, and Miorine suddenly decides "hang on this might not be so bad."

Suletta was not aware that being gay was an option, but once she realizes that's on the table, she instantly becomes head over heels for Miorine.

They repeatedly refer to themselves as being bride and groom, and their relationship's importance is constantly recognized and affirmed by the people around them. Their relationship is central to the plot.

A lot of stuff happens, but some highlights:

Miorine sees Suletta being targeted by the corporations, and she decides to use her knowledge of the corporate world to start her own company so she can protect Suletta. This is a significant moment because it goes against her earlier wishes to escape the corporate world; protecting Suletta is more important to her. When asked why she did this, she calls herself Suletta's bride.

Suletta constantly talks about having a wedding with Miorine

Suletta tries to kill a guy for getting between her and Miorine (as she should)

Miorine makes Suletta promise to stay with her forever, and text her three times a day. Suletta does this dutifully. (Needy x Indulgent is such a cute dynamic)

Miorine tries to push Suletta away for her own protection. This backfires. Suletta forgives and comforts her.

Miorine tells Suletta's mom that they should get along since they're going to be family (power move)

They are featured together in the intro and ending of every episode.

They get married at the end of the series, and wear rings in the ending. Suletta becomes a school teacher, and Miorine uses her successful company to support her.

Gundam Witch is a love story. Suletta and Miorine are canon and they are married. It's an incredibly significant relationship because gay marriage isn't even legal in Japan, but it's treated as normal in the show. They are so important to me. Thank you for coming to my ted talk. Yuri will save the world, goodbye

#suletta mercury #miorine rembran #mobile suit gundam #mobile suit gundam: the witch from mercury #sulemio #g-witch

[inkskinned]

nobody ever gets the mugshot of gluttony right. these days you think it has nothing to do with bodyweight. what a good trick: that gluttony could take a shape. no, there was never any fault in finishing a meal or in taking second helpings. it was always in taking from others that there was an issue - the oil baron's fingers steepled over dead bodies and stolen lands. gluttony - twin of greed, although most think greed and envy are the siblings - gluttony is pleased with the experience of gaining, is thrilled just-by-having. greed is the one that stays hungry, that has to move forever like a shark. gluttony likes it - "a glutton for punishment" is one who is seeking the harm, who loves the rush.

gluttony is a mother using her daughter's body for a diet testing ground, sharpening the bone angles. gluttony is saying why, well not! to the seventh and eighth mansion or yacht. it is not just wanting the six white horses, it is making sure that the horses came from your stables. it is not just bathing in milk - it is bathing in milk while others are starving.

oh, it's true that some sins still blaze in their bright floral prints. wrath in a white woman yelling at a person of color for even daring to be in her neighborhood. the red, incipient rage of a neck tightened at even the thought we would take the guns away. wrath has laurels, and she is good at her job, and works hard.

but sloth wasn't ever the sleepy morning of depression, the hours spent begging a clouded body to please move goddamn it; the protestant work ethic claiming even rest is somehow demonic. it was never chronic fatigue. sloth was subtle, a grey mist. she is watching you get bullied and she is deciding it is none of her business. she crosses the picket line because - what! it's just chicken, isn't it? she is closing her eyes and turning her head when the next anti-gay legislation passes. someone else will handle it. not the tense freeze of anxiety or a lack of preparation - she knows you're hurting and would rather you stay quiet about it. she tells other people i just don't see what the big deal is.

sloth is a father that doesn't do the dishes. sloth is your boyfriend's innocent shrug you're just better at household shit. sloth isn't the missed opportunity - it is the purposeful desire to just get-someone-else-to-do-it.

greed and envy are doing body shots in the back of a private jet. they are the way they always have been, but are lovers in the age of the internet. greed just finished union busting, is rolling a bitcoin over his knuckles, is about to start another MLM. envy is in a broadbrimmed hat, showing off her instagram life, grinning about how if you want it, work for it.

okay, it's true. you have a soft spot for lust, gathering dust in a corner. so tame in comparison to the others. but how funny lust is always painted as being a woman in tight clothes. you've met actually lustful women - the ones that purposefully climb into your partner's lap, the ones that say lesbians are gross but ask bisexual women into bed with their husbands. a lustful woman is not donned in lace and garters and red: that's how men think lust looks, painting their own sins into frame. this way, the sin displaces as fog and hovers above her: a woman in a dress is lust; what the man experiences is just the natural consequence.

here is the thing: lust is doing just fine, save your pity. lust is running more circles than any of them. lust is shutting down safe sexwork sites while also making teenagers in knee-high socks sex sensations. lust is CEO of an advertising network where women never pass 25 years old. all the bras lust makes are pretty to look at but, when worn, legitimately hurt. lust has a podcast, his fur coat looped around his shoulders, sells the idea that only certain people have value, that sex raises some and destroys others. lust is tilting his head and asking what did you expect when you dress like that? lust shuns you, sneers that everything you want is disgusting and taboo - right until he can figure out how to capitalize off of it. lust has the midas ability: everything he touches becomes an object.

people usually say wrath is the scary one. you agree with FMA here, though: the real dangerous one is pride, and the shit-eating grin. the white cloaks and the nationalism and the inability to apologize. it is every partner who threw a book at your head because you don't respect him. it is every mother who said my son doesn't deserve to have his life ruined over allegations. it is the teacher that fails you because you talked back.

you worry you have this one. you feel guilty when you need help but don't ask for it. prideful. ashamed when you complete something and feel good about it. too proud for your own good. but pride is not the reward of hard work or accomplishment: pride is a twitter feed. it is the thing that has to mask i didn't do anything with look at me.

pride is your father's raised hand, his raised voice. how he was never there when you needed him, but he is still "head of house." he ruins dinner and blames it on you: you're an embarrassment to this family. this is the glass you walk around, the cuts in your feet. how he says this isn't how i raised you and you have to bite back the retort: that's because you didn't actually fucking raise me.

#i personally think having any of these desires is totally fine. it's when u use them to hurt others #it's why having ambitions =/= greed: as long as ur ambition isn't ''i hope i can take someone elses good things'' #writeblr #warm up #seven deadly sins

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Jane Fonda (Barbarella, Sunday in New York, Barefoot in the Park)—Feminist icon, LGBTQ+ rights activist since the 70s, Civil Rights and Native American rights advocate, environmentalist… she really is THE woman ever

Rita Hayworth (Gilda, Cover Girl)—Absolutely, drop-dead gorgeous. She steals every movie she’s in; she was Fred Astaire’s favorite dance partner, as you can see in clips from their movies [link][link]. Born Margarita Carmen Cansino, Rita's story had its tragedies—her father was awful and had her performing in nightclubs way, way too young; the studio totally remade her look because they were afraid of her hispanic image, putting her through painful treatments and diets; she had a string of failed marriages. But beside all that, I think there's something about Rita that still glows through—an inner beauty that has nothing to do with the studio, or the men who pinned their dreams on her. Rita brings an incandescence to roles that's impossible to replicate, and was truly a great actress in that she could switch from herself—shy Margarita—into a bold and glamorous femme fatale so convincingly everyone fell in love with her as Gilda. She's my favorite movie star, and I think she was a beautiful human through and through—Rita, gorgeous and real and shining bright.

This is round 5 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Jane Fonda:

" I assume she's already been submitted but I gotta make sure. I think there's an element to movies like Barbarella or her segment of Spirit of the Dead of those having been directed by her husband, who famously made movies about her being hot, and the incredible costume design also helped, but good lord. Look at her"

"She was so pretty, dear lord! She was and still us stunning. She’s great at comedy and drama."

"Shes so hot im so gay for me i will let her hit me with hers car"

"Gorgeous and also still getting arrested at climate protests, which is sexy behavior"

"Watching her in Barefoot in the Park seriously made me, a straight woman, question things"

"PLEASE I LOVE HER SO MUCH"

"Her vibes in these movies are so interesting because she, the daughter of an Old Hollywood star, went on to make both poignant dramatic movies and the some of the silliest things you've ever seen but even in the silly space adventures and sexploitations there's always this undeniable gravitas to her. It's like she's able not to take herself very seriously but at the same time never stops having this grace and elegance and makes it all work together. And she's always been very politically active which is also sexy. Her famous mugshot is from 1970 so right at the cutoff mark but come on"

Rita Hayworth:

Do you need any other propaganda? Here’s the video.

She was not called "the love goddess" for nothing: beautiful, glamorous, despite playing sexy and provocative roles her inherent shyness somehow also would shine through sometimes, creating this contradictory and incredibly attractive image

Often played "the bad girl" who tempted the male hero away from "the good girl"; but did have roles that broke her out of that mold. She was also the inspiration for Jessica Rabbit. THE pinup girlie.

HELP

She was soo beautiful when she was young and she MAINTAINED that beauty into her later years and I think that old lady glamour is hot. bombastic sex appeal

every line she delivers in gilda is so flirty and passionate or absolutely desolate and it's so good

I just have a lot of feelings about her

#rita hayworth #jane fonda #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 5 #Youtube