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imsosocold · 1 year

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A very (un)comprehensive review of the TOH finale:

The long (non) awaited reaction from me and co! It was so hard to steal new names for everyone. Hope you enjoy our nonsense. Also I have no concept of time or order so if the reactions aren’t in the correct sequence of events oh well. I ain’t watching this episode ever again lmao.

“There was nothing else to be done but to wait for the man who would rise forth to destroy him, for deep inside his soul because there was no doubt that what he did was evil"- Off, Zone 2.

Sunniva: How are you feeling?

Me: The announcement made me feel like puking and the ad has me trembling in the bathroom for 30 minutes.

Lomes: Well, get ready be mad!

...

Of course it fucking buffers.

* Sunniva gives the the ugliest, thus the prettiest, laugh known to the universe.*

Me: Glad my phobia of vomiting is currently off.

*******************************************************************

Lomes: Ooohhh, everyone run. The Collector drank his evil milk!

Me: Is this meant to be a torrential outflow from an infant star?

Sunniva: His pouty face is cute. Though I generally hate how he’s been animated.

Lomes: I’m still hung up on a quote from the last episode. You can’t tell me they’ve been around Philip for centuries and isn’t able to tell that humans can’t eat gravity.

Sunniva: Yeah, even with the isolation, there was the time at the start when Philip was forced to bond with him.

Me: At best the Collector’s and Belos’s relationship will end up like Montreal.

Lomes:???

*******************************************************************

Lomes: This is like an owl house creepypasta.

Me: I think people rag on creepypastas too much. We shouldn’t be so critical of things.

Sunniva: You’re watching the finale to criticize it.

Me: I’m punching up, okay? I’m punching up-

Sunniva: Isn’t this show incredibly progressive to the point of getting cancelled for it, issues aside for that alone it should be celebrated-

Lomes: Dana is a white woman and half the representation she did last minute and she didn’t even do it well with characters such as Raine-

* A stupid amount of bickering occurs.*

Me: I’m getting cramps and this has already just started…

*******************************************************************

Lomes: "Power noodle." Luz has as weird statements as you.

Me: Hey!

Sunniva: You and Luz are same character.

Me: No, I kin Belos.

Lomes: Of course you do.

Me: Not his war crimes. I kin Junko for those.

Sunniva: The actual Palisman name isn’t any better.

*******************************************************************

Me: I thought Camila was hanging from a noose for a second. Lomes: True witch hunter style.

*******************************************************************

Sunniva: A “witches battle.” Ohh, like witches since it’s a witches vs human battle?

Lomes: Is human discrimination in the Isles FINALLY being addressed ?

Me: Luz poking Amity is funny. （°々°）

*******************************************************************

Sunniva: Ohh, Luz was handed the glyph she taught Pip.

Lomes and I: ♪ You show the lights that stop me turn to STONE! You shine it when I'm alone♫ !

Sunniva: The “ glyphs” in the show aren’t even actual witch glyphs… I think.

*******************************************************************

Sunniva: That was surprisingly easy to break out of.

Lomes: Damn, everyone else just be weak AF. Still can’t believe the crew wasted so much time on a dream sequence.

Me: Dream??

Sunniva: Oh no.

Me: ♫ I wear a mask with a smile for hours at a time- ♪

Lomes: Stop.

Me: I actually like that song thought I don’t like Dream.

Lomes: That is the worst opinion you’ve had yet.

Sunniva: They are a fan of the likes of the Chainsmokers.

*******************************************************************

* Literally everytime Hunter comes on screen.*

Someone who will not be named: Look, it’s the albino rat.

Me: STOP CALLING HIM THAT.

* Literally everytime Belos comes on screen.*

That gobhopper: Kill the white boy! Kill the white boy!

Me: STOPPPP ( ꒦ິ﹏ ꒦ິ )

*******************************************************************

Us, speeding through most of the scenes with the Collector: Stoppppppp.

Me: The concept of cringe culture is dead except in relation to them.

*******************************************************************

Me: The Collector made some Fall Guys looking environments.

Lomes: “Hot chocos milk." He literally just said hot chocos milk.

Sunniva, in literal tears: I swear the crew just used the stock sound baby crying effect.

*******************************************************************

Lomes: Damn the Collector’s traumadumping more than you do.

Me: Cole, just get addicted to burnout media like me. Ruin your own life instead of everyone else’s.

Lomes: You’ve definitely ruined lives with your work.

*******************************************************************

Lomes: “Like toys”, like shit! Bitches.

Me: You’re telling me that in Hollow Mind when the Collector gave the Draining Spell with all the details-

Sunniva: Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Me: I hate that the crew retconned all that made them interesting. The fandom is actually right, the Collector is wonderbread

*******************************************************************

Me: I loved how the Collector went “ ohhh Belos needs love too, right?” and Luz was all “ hell nah”.

Lomes: Based, based.

Sunniva: I want a “We’re like brothers! Stop it I will cry.”

Me: I’m sick of family dynamics honestly.

Sunniva: ...

Lomes: I’ll take care of that silver-blond fox~

*Lomes caught the peach I threw at them. Make sure to exercise regularly guys.*

*******************************************************************

Sunniva: Noelle, I know you said last episode it would better if the crew spend less time focused on the HexSide and HexSquad but it’s really weird without them there.

Lomes: Honestly with how much the TOH crew fucked up Hunter’s disability metaphor I’m glad none of them are getting that much screen time.

Me: I’m more focused on how glad I am that everything is solely Belos’s fault and once he’s gone everyone will live happily ever after.

Sunniva: Like Tengan.

Me: YES! Belos vs Tengan!

Lomes: Their battle will be legendary!

*******************************************************************

Me: Weird Luz and co are chilling with the Collector while all their other loved ones plus the entire rest of the realm is in danger.

Sunniva: They’re trying to reason and soothe someone mentally unstable.

Me: Everyone with me everyday.

Sunniva: Nice work king sorry about the mental illness.

******************************************************************** Me: Okay I know that Raine is a bard but the fact Belos had them bring a violin to the throne room is funny to me.

Lomes: Belos just makes the both of them play sick beats instead.

Sunniva: Belos not only wanted to be a hairstylist but a musician as well. Wait, did Raine always have a violin even when they were just a puppet?

* We were too lazy to check lmao.*

********************************************************************

Me: Aghhh! The TOH crew are really going with Belos possessing the Titan corpse. If they kill Raine I swear to god…

Sunniva: Didn’t Belos need to eat animals for months on end just to gather enough strength to get a solidified form again? And after possessing Hunter for a short time and then getting his magic drained, he needed to consume Grimwalkers just to possesses Raine so how is he strong enough to possess the Titan?

Lomes: Powerscaling is BS. I just more of his design comes through than the Titan’s do, I wanna see a big Belos.

Me: Like AI Junko! Wish I was a giant AI girl.

Lomes: Don’t we all?

* Sunniva does not.*

********************************************************************

Me: G-Glowing blue eye?!! Sans Undertale?!!!

Lomes: Aww, not enough Belos in the design. But yay, Tina Nose die!

Sunniva: That’s Dana’s self insert which she spent way too much screen time on.

* Lomes Smirks.*

Sunniva: Don’t.

Lomes: Yayyy-

* The peach hit Lomes this time. Sunniva is canonically more fit than me.*

********************************************************************

Me: Belos finally got his wings!

Lomes: ??? Well, Titan fused Belos looks like Tyranitar.

Sunniva: This reminds of the Steven Corruption.

Me: This is the issues of the SU finale but in opposite direction.

Sunniva: Which one?

Me: Both.

Lomes: We could kill way more people than Belos could.

Me: Definitely! And go out like c! Wilbur.

Lomes: Oohhh, Belos having that brief moment where he gains clarity temporarily and realized he fucked up.

Me: That lucid moment from when you’ve been drowning in your own head, just when the right memories return for long enough for them to have meaning.

Sunniva: …Only listening to Tide Pools by Pigeon Pit can save us now.

********************************************************************

Me: Not the death-revival. This is OPM levels of BS!

Sunniva: Wait, there’s an afterlife? WHAT?

Lomes: They never implied that except for potentially in the last episode and even then it was left to interpretation and made very little narrative sense if true.

Me: This is the consistency of Danganronpa 3.

Lomes: It feels like Dana threw me off a terr-

Sunniva: STOP!

******************************************************************** Lomes: This is the worst thing they could’ve done with the Inbetween.

Me: “Both the king and queen, best of both things .” You know what? I’m stealing that, I’m stealing that! Try me Dana.

Lomes: He’s so ugly, his fit is shit!

Me: Ohhhh my god my mangoball toh magicless au parody version was wrong.

Sunniva: Yeah, I wouldn’t want this Titan to rail Belos.

*... I was the one who had to clean up all the peach juice off the floor.* ******************************************************************** Me: They did not Deus Ex Machina us… forget literally any story complaints I’ve had for a series ever, this is the shit.

Sunniva: That’s actually slang for when something is good.

Me: That makes no sense.

Sunniva: That’s just how it is.

Me: I hate answers like that! I wanna know everything behind everything!

Lomes: Don’t you get sick thinking about stuff too hard?

Me: … Hush, I’m going to pee.

Lomes: Have fun.

******************************************************************** Lomes: King’s dad literally just went “Belos is evil cause he’s evil”, wow.

Sunniva: It makes sense he would think that-

Lomes: Yeah but the narrative isn’t disproving it despite previously going against that stance. That sort of logic is ableist and dehumanizing and often used to excuse fucked up shit!

Me: It is similar to Belos’s ideology. Plus the whole POINT is that there are not supposed to be any ‘ chosen’ ones even though people like Philip think otherwise.

Lomes *glaring at the Titan with the rage of a thousand suns*: How bout we beat you to mush old man?

Sunniva: No violence…******************************************************************* Me: I could enjoy Luz’s badass form if it wasn’t so contrived.

Lomes: OC time, OC time!

Sunniva: I love Luz’s hair, it has a little wave in it.

Me: Yeah, her design is so pretty but I can’t enjoy it even though I would happily hyperfixate on it.

Sunniva: …Want me to cuss out Elon Musk on Twitter?

Me: Yeah. ******************************************************************* Me, gesturing violently at the acid rain: This is what happens if we don’t stop climate change.

Lomes: We kill fascists?

Sunniva: NO-

*******************************************************************

Me: God of homesickness. May you lead the lost home when you yourself have never had guidance. Let’s play Astral Alleyway as we take moments of silence.

Sunniva: What about Die Anywhere Else?

Me: Too peppy. Would make a good ending theme though.

Lomes, in abject horror: They are NEVER getting that off their shoes.

Me: Guess TOH took the statement “ curb stop fascists to death” literally! *cue laugh track.*

******************************************************************* Me: I think Belos is supposed to be more of a symbol and a concept than a person.

Lomes: Why give so much uniqueness to his backstory then?

Me: All antagonists are allowed be people regardless of what ends up being done with them.

Sunniva: You can’t keep making parallels between characters and repeatedly bringing them up only to toss them away in the finale.

Me: …Yeah.

******************************************************************* Lomes: That was one of the worst deaths I’ve ever seen-

Me: Mikan’s execution.

Sunniva: That’s just unfair!

Lomes: Yeah, nothing can top that.

Me: Should’ve just given Belos that lobotomy-

Sunniva and Lomes in unison: STOP. ******************************************************************* Sunniva: People don’t actually care about the specifics of Belos’s death or the logic behind it, just as long as he dies painfully. It’s a way to vent.

Lomes: Glad the crew didn’t make Hunter watch Belos’s death at the very least. Wish Evelyn and Caleb were there though.

Me: If we’re venting then I want to admit I want to put me teeth against Belos’s teeth.

Lomes and Sunniva: …

Me: Texture! (✧∇✧)

******************************************************************* Lomes: YOUR JOKE ENDING WAS PARTIALLY REAL ( *note I wrote it before I actually saw the finale episode air lol*) YOU’RE PSYCHIC AGAIN.

Me: Bruh, they actually put in my made up ending where the Collector is actually from the stars after saying he’s just a wibble kid who needs love and support.

Sunniva: Look at Hooty with that eyelash game though damn. *******************************************************************

Me: I’m just glad they didn’t kill the prominent non antagonistic enby character of color.

Lomes: Well I’m glad Hunter came out exactly like Caleb.

Sunniva: Yeah, he looks more like Caleb now than ever actually.

Me: Luz stop picking all the courses, it’s going to bite you in ass.

Sunniva: Like, is Luz giving up on the Human Realm completely?

Lomes: True Caleb Wittebane core.

*******************************************************************

Me: Belos dying us is actually a preferable option to what I’ve seen, like being locked away in the Collector’s disk or something.

Sunniva: It’d be the c!Dream prison situation all over again but a million times worse.

Lomes: Imagine if Belos got Danganronpa 2 Bad Ending in the sense he ends up living tucked away in a fantasy world where he believes he’s succeeded in his mission and he and everyone he loves lives all happily.

Sunniva: Nothingness would’ve been the most fitting ending but since there’s canonically some sort of afterlife…

Me: I want Belos to become a god, of homesickness specifically. He’d have wings covered in plants that have the bones in them peaking out and he’d leave flower paths wherever he went and the inside of his hair would have a blue glow that illuminates the rest of his hair-

Lomes, talking over me : I’m just imagining him going to the afterlife ( singular) and getting his ass beat from all his victims-

Me, now talking over them: I also wanna make an reincarnation au-

Sunniva, talking to self: Yeah, I don’t believe in ‘ the Grimwalkers and Caleb are ghosts’ theory but it’d be funny if Belos became a ghost, he’d be wanted nowhere.

*******************************************************************

Well, I don't know how to end this so click this not-suspicious link!

#dark humour #dark humor #I don't think so but I was told to tag it that so #noelle's rambles #and co!#toh #toh finale #toh review #toh salt #toh critical #tell me if i missed any tags #long ass post #shitty formatting #i shouldn't have made this #crack #crack post

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unpretty · 3 months

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the thing about having been really broke. averaging $500 a month in a good year broke. using a gamestop credit card i shouldn't have qualified for to buy taco bell gift cards for food broke. is that i am SO bad with money. i have a degree in accounting and i am so bad with money. i do not think of myself as superstitious at all but money feels so cursed. not in a spiritual way, i mean literally. practically.

having 'too much' money feels so bad. money is a thing you spend as soon as you get it because it's so cursed. the more it is the more cursed it is. i save too much money and bad things will happen that cost all my money. money is a thing that summons expenses. if i have no money and the car breaks down i find a way to make it work. i scrounge and resell and pass the hat and talk to my mom's friend's friend who knows a guy and in the end i'm so relieved to be right back where i started. but if i were saving my money for a new computer and then the car broke down, the money is just gone. i spent the money i saved for a thing i wanted on a thing i needed instead and after all that hoping i'm right back where i started.

i get a windfall and i set the money aside because if i'm careful that's enough to pay for gas for months. but then i need to pay for heat and i apply for assistance and they look at my bank account and see i have money and now they won't help pay for heat. soon it's just a habit. i get the money and i spend the money. immediately, as soon as possible, get this money away from me. don't even save enough for cigarettes. i can find money for cigarettes, somehow i can always find money for cigarettes. cigarette money is a weird magical fake money i summon from dark corners whenever i run out of cigarettes. i don't know how it works either. i've tried to summon the cigarette money for things that aren't cigarettes and it never works. just get this out of my bank account. get it out of here before something notices there's money here.

anyway i'm working on it but god it's hard

#original #i think i've made this exact same post before but everyone politely ignore that my memory is bad #i was doing better and then it all crashed and burned in the last couple months #and i'm fixing it but god it feels so stupid #i'd finally worked my way up to having Savings. Any Savings At All. where did it go.#how did i spend that much on pennywhistles and moonpies #that shouldn't be possible that's illegal

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dedusmuln · 6 months

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yeah you support trans people but are you normal about trans men who choose to get pregnant

#i'm not a trans guy who evr wants to get pregnant but #the amount of queer ppl and other trans people i see joke around about like #how weird mpreg or men getting pregnant is #and use it as shock value shit #is really disheartening #like damn dude! it's almost like men CAN get pregnant and there IS a lot of men who choose to get pregnant !#they don't deserve any less respect for that #and their existence shouldn't be made into a joke #ik mpreg doesn't have a great history but like #it just weirds me out to see people treat the idea of men getting pregnant as something baffling #idk normalize it. stop treating it as some weird alien thing #my textbox #a little bit upset. sorry #discourse #pregnancy #<- for filtering

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buckysbarnes · 2 months

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JOE KEERY as STEVE HARRINGTON “dear billy” 4.04 • stranger things

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spicyhotsouuup · 2 years

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the blue one

#rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt fanart #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #on second thought i probably shouldn't have made the bg pure white hhggh #my eyes are burning now #my art

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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:-P

#i shouldn't have made the background orange. it makes zoro look too orange. it should have been blue or something #but most of my blues r low on ink :-/ oh well fuck it #zosan #sanzo #roronoa zoro #sanji #one piece

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redysetdare · 9 months

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I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."

it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.

I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.

#text #personal #aro #aromantic #aroace #aspec #qpr #queerplatonic relationships #queer platonic relationships #tbh i was around when qprs were still getting footing. ppl werent sure how to properly label them #so to avoid allos saying it's just friends the common response was 'its more than friends but less than romance'#as if they were trying to justify it's existence as if we had to have a equivalent to romance to be justified in our identities and as ppl #because being aro made you not be a person. because how can you be a person if you dont love or have a partner #because being aro was sad because being aro meant ou were alone and you shouldn't want to be alone!!#and these ideas made it so that amatonormativity was just reinforced in aro spaces #and it isn't until recent years when amatonormativity started getting used top put a name to the problem #that i really saw ppl start standing up for aros who didnt partner because why are we expected to partner anyways?#shouldnt ppl be whole as they are?#and this is only my experience im not saying this happens everywhere #but this is why i think we need to have a conversation about QPRs and how they are used in aro spaces #because im not the only one who struggled through this #my experience may not be universal but my experience has happened to others #and thats worth talking about #srry im having a lot of thoughts recently

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blindmagdalena · 5 months

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Guilty Pleasures ( chapter two )

18+ 3.8k homelander x plus size f!reader. workplace harassment, stalking, voyeurism, masturbation, lite humiliation kink, lite somnophilia, breaking & entering, petty theft, sublander flavored. nebulously takes place post s1. part 2/4. AO3 link. | CH I | CH 3 | CH 4

Homelander is the most powerful man in the world, and all he wants is to be yours.

After spending the majority of your evening and the following morning anticipating being fired, walking into work the next day feels like traversing a thinly frozen lake, each step webbing out in precarious cracks.

Clearly you’re not the only one who thinks so: you clock a handful of surprised looks from coworkers who’d attended the meeting and took note of the tension between you and Vought’s golden boy.

Maybe they’d taken bets on whether or not you’d be coming in this morning.

There’s no sign of Homelander on your way in. Not that you were expecting him–yesterday was the first time you actually saw him in person–but you still find yourself on the lookout. It’s hard to say whether you’re anticipating or dreading him. Part of you is still expecting to open your door and find a letter on your desk politely informing you that they’ve determined you aren’t a good “culture fit” for the company, and that your probation has been terminated.

After all, who in their right mind would take your side over Homelander’s?

You push open your office door, and sure enough, there is a letter waiting for you, but not in the way you expected. You stand in the doorway, staring in quiet incomprehension. The envelope, crisp and bright white, is propped up in a bed of rich red roses sitting in a pretty vase upon your desk. You glance behind you before you step inside, closing the door behind you, and approach the desk cautiously. You pluck the paper out of the bouquet, taking a moment to smell the flowers–they smell as good as they look–before you carefully rip open the envelope, tearing the small american flag sticker that sealed it.

Inside, there’s only one word on the folded piece of paper, scrawled in surprisingly elegant handwriting.

Truce?

You can’t help the incredulous little bark of laughter you give at that. It’s not even an apology. It’s a demand that he expects a gratuitous bundle of flowers will help you swallow, like taking medicine with a spoonful of sugar.

“You’re ridiculous,” you say quietly to the letter, setting it down on your desk. You give the roses one last sniff, testing one of the soft petals between your fingers. You wonder if what you said actually got through to him.

Homelander has no real reason to smooth things over with you: you’re no one. He’s posed no risk to himself by coming after you. He could no doubt have you fired by complaining that your marketing tactics don’t align with his brand. It’s hard to imagine Vought denies him much.

Yet he is apparently negotiating peace. It’s not nearly enough, but it is a start.

Or maybe it’s just more than you expected.

You sit, idly tapping the letter against your desk. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t still think him handsome. Homelander wasn’t the first man to ogle your tits while you gave a presentation, but he was certainly the first to fluster you like that when he did. His sly smile had made you want to slap him, but there was a questionable little part of you that thought about kissing it better afterwards.

Taking in a steadying breath, you slip the letter into your desk drawer and adjust the flowers to the side, admiring them a moment before you pull out your laptop.

If Homelander can behave himself enough to let you do your job without public humiliation, you can afford a truce. You don’t need to forgive or condone him to be civil, or even to continue having your own private fantasies. A little guilty pleasure now and again never hurt anyone.

You can’t know that Homelander is observing you throughout this internal conversation, watching through several layers of steel and concrete, his parted lips curving into a slow smile as you accept his offering. You can’t know that you haven’t just acknowledged a truce, but an invitation.

No, you can’t possibly know what’s to come.

Two days later, you diligently change the water that the roses in your office sit in. They’re doing well, the crimson buds having unfurled into a splay of velvety petals. You pinch one between your thumb and forefinger and stroke it absently. Homelander has continued to be a scarcity, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t seen him. Quite the opposite: you spend most of your working hours either looking at or thinking about his face to the point where it’s starting to follow you home each day.

That’s what you tell yourself when you think of him outside of work hours, anyways.

It’s been long enough now that you wonder if the flowers were the end of it. He was simply covering his ass with a half hearted gesture that slightly resembled an apology so that you could both comfortably drop the subject. That was entirely fine by you so long as he actually did improve his behavior.

A familiarly brisk knock at your door catapults your heart up against the cage of your ribs like a spooked hare. It’s the exact same beat, you’re sure of it. You stay quiet, half expecting to be barged in upon, but when nothing happens, you move from your desk and open the door yourself, intentionally blocking it with your body.

Sure enough, Homelander stands tall on the other side. He flashes his signature smile while your eyes narrow suspiciously. “Can I help you?”

“I think I’m the one who can help you,” he says brightly, that spread of teeth downright wolfish. He lifts a handful of papers that have been stapled at the corner, gesturing for you to take it.

Still wary, you take them from him and shift, wedging your foot to keep the door firmly in place while you flip through the pages. Your brows furrow as you recognize chunks of your own presentation. Understanding dawns when you realize that he’s annotated them.

“You read my presentation,” you say, unable to mask your surprise.

“Obviously. It’s my image on the line, right? Got some notes for you, but I have to say: y’mostly nailed it,” he says, reaching out to rest a gloved hand on the doorway.

“Mostly?” You echo, quirking an eyebrow at him as you look up from the pages.

“Yeah, mostly. Again, I have some minor notes,” he says, wiggling his other hand in a vague gesture. “But I figure I owe you praise on a job mostly well done.”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Crossing your arms, you abandon your stern foothold on the door in order to shift your weight, your incredulity showing in every inch of your body language. “What you owe me is an apology.”

Homelander’s grin softens into a smile that’s no less challenging. “Looks to me like you’ve already been enjoying my apology,” he says, leaning slightly to gaze past you, to the bundle of roses sitting prettily on your desk.

You briefly glance over your shoulder, but your expression remains impassive. Unimpressed. “That? That isn’t an apology. An apology would include the words I’m sorry.”

He scoffs a dismissive laugh, swaying back to look away, but you persist.

“I’m serious,” you say, luring his ocean blue gaze back to yours. “I want you to say to me ‘I’m sorry for the way I behaved during your presentation. It won’t happen again.’ “

The two of you hold each other’s gaze with all the magnitude of two gunmen in a duel, hands steady over your proverbial pistols.

To your surprise, Homelander does not fire back. He raises a dainty white flag.

“I’m sorry for the way I behaved during your presentation,” he says, words slow and measured. You watch his tongue flash over his bottom lip, wetting it attractively. You fight to not let your eyes linger on it. “It won’t happen again.”

You swallow, suddenly finding thought and speech an impossible task. You weren’t prepared for such raw, ready obedience from him, nor the intensity in his gaze that follows it. He reminds you of a charmed snake–docile so long as he is transfixed.

“Good,” you say, the word half a sigh. Homelander’s lips part and he breathes in like he’s caught wind of something particularly delicious smelling. “I accept your apology, and I appreciate that you took the time to do this,” you say, gesturing with the documents in your hand. “I’ll go over them and get back to you.”

He reaches out, bracing his hand on your office door. You half expect him to push it open, but he merely holds it there. “We could go over them together,” he suggests slyly.

“No,” you say, clearly disarming him. He looks as though he’s forgotten the meaning of the word. “I’m in the middle of another project at the moment.”

The leather of his gloves creaks faintly in your ear as he flexes his grip on the edge of the door. While what you’ve said is true, it’s also serving as a test. Words and flowers are pretty things, but only actions always speak the truth.

“At the moment,” he repeats, gears visibly turning in his eyes. “So… Later?” He extrapolates, displaying an uncharacteristic tentativeness alongside his obvious displeasure at the taste of rejection. You even see a glimmer of hope in the mess of his expression..

He did pass the test. You suppose you can reward him for that.

“Another time,” you say, giving your door an exploratory push. He relents, his hands sliding down the length of it before falling away as he takes a half-step back. “How about tomorrow on my lunch break? 1:00 o'clock sharp.”

He splits into a smile that looks more genuine than any of his you’ve seen before. “Aaalrighty-roo. Sounds gooood to meeeee,” he says, drawing out his vowels more the closer he gets to actually having to leave. At your silent, amused stare, he claps his gloved hands together with a muffled thump! and takes a few more steps backwards. “Yooooou’ll see me… tomorrow.”

Your smile pinches along with your brows. What a strange way to phrase it. “See you then,” you say, watching as his face is eclipsed by your closing door. You wait a beat and then let out a thin thread of breath from your pursed lips, resting your weight on the door.

Looking down at the papers in your hand, you push off from the door and head to your desk, flipping through them.

Such a strange man, you think, carrying the notes to your desk. You set them down next to the vase of roses and try not to think too much about the unconscious smile your lips keep settling into for the rest of the day.

Homelander’s got you hook, line and sinker. He’s certain of it. He lingers on the other side of your door just long enough to watch you through it while you settle, a charmed smile set on your lips. He can already imagine how those lips would feel against his own, how they’d taste. He swallows thickly and looks around before he departs, already plotting his next move.

The two of you have a date tomorrow, and in order to be at the top of his game, he’s going to have to do a little additional research. Knowing your work was a good first step. The next one will be learning about you.

Following you home is the easy part. It ultimately feels chivalrous to do so once he realizes you walk home even at this time of year, when the sun sets long before the work day ends. He drifts above you, cocking his head curiously. No wonder you walk. The streets are packed as tightly as sardine cans, and your apartment garage isn’t much better. The claustrophobia of it all serves as a stark contrast to the openness of Vought tower.

The interior of your apartment provides an even sharper juxtaposition to his penthouse. It’s tidy, but the comparatively low ceilings and minimal floor space still make it look cramped. Somehow, you simultaneously have too much and yet not much at all, the confinement of a downtown apartment making what minimal affects you do own seem crowded together.

That only becomes more apparent once he’s inside, slipped in through your balcony after sleep has taken you. Why would you bother to lock your balcony when you live on the 8th floor? It works out perfectly for him.

In all fairness, your living room feels cozier once he’s standing in the center of it. Your walls are lined with an assortment of art pieces and photographs, and the shelves are well stocked with books and knick-knacks. You have a decent film collection displayed on your media console, and he can’t help but snoop through it, bending at the waist, examining through the rows. He cocks his head.

Odd. You’d think an employee of Vought would have at least a few VCU films. He runs his index finger along the spines, slightly adjusting them flush as he goes. Pursing his lips, he straightens up and looks at the closed cabinets on either side. The left one yields an untidy assortment of electronic odds and ends, cords and the like. Nothing of much interest other than an indication that while you like to keep up appearances, you aren’t quite as together as you’d like people to think.

It’s on the right side, however, he finds what he’s really looking for.

“Bingo,” he whispers, smiling to himself as he scopes out your little hidden collection of Vought hero flicks. Specifically, his films. He’s less interested in the handful of others you own (Queen Maeve: Her Majesty, Black Noir: Insurrection, Lamplighter: The Bright World, etc) and more so in the fact that you have nearly his entire catalog tucked away.

Nearly. You’re missing his eighteen part miniseries, Homelander: Brightest Night.

At least that gives him something to gift you.

Closing the cabinet, he meanders about the rest of your apartment. You have some plants in varying states of decay, with only a few cacti looking to be in decent shape. Either your work keeps you too busy to properly mind them, or you just like the idea of them more than the reality. It tells him that you’re looking–and failing–to fill a void in your life. You want to feel less alone in your home, you want to nurture something. You just haven’t found the right something yet.

Striding into your kitchen, arms folded behind his back, he peers through the cheap wood veneer of your fiberboard cupboards, unveiling an unusually broad assortment of mugs. There doesn’t seem to be any particular theme: holidays, locales, characters, and a menagerie of patterns.

He hums softly, pivoting out of the kitchen and down the hall, his steps preternaturally light. He listens for the beat of your heart as he draws near, tunes it in alongside the shallow cadence of your breath. Deep asleep. Good.

The walls are lined with pictures of you and others. Friends or family, he can’t say, but you look to have an abundance of both. He rarely sees himself in photos that aren’t promotional material. He pauses to straighten a picture frame, and finds himself so viciously jealous of the man sharing the frame with you–his lips pressed to your cheek, your laughing smile so genuine he can nearly hear it–that he almost knocks it to the ground.

Running his tongue along his teeth, he continues on.

Your bedroom door is open. He slips in silently, pausing just through the doorway. Your bed's a queen, too big for just you. You’re sprawled comfortably amidst pillows, limbs splayed in just such a way that he can easily imagine fitting himself in the empty spaces between them. He can smell the lingering burn of the candle you’d lit when you got home. He picks it up off your dresser, reading the label: Cup ‘o Joe.

Eugh. He never cared for coffee, and the artificial sweetness surrounding the note is cloying. Your perfume, on the other hand, he doesn’t mind. He notices the bottle alongside a few other of your things and puts the candle down in favor of that, popping the cap off. The smell hits him before he sprays it: vanilla first, then amber and something more woodsy. It’s less impressive by itself than it had been on you.

Still, it’s yours. You chose it for yourself.

Slipping off one of his gloves, he lightly sprays into the inside of it before he sets the bottle back down, recapping it. It won’t be the same, but he’s driven by the compulsion to spirit away any little pieces of you that he can. Just enough to satiate himself until he can have you properly.

That’s when he sees your blouse from today in a careless heap at the top of your laundry basket next to your dresser. Licking his lips, he tests the feel of the garment between his bare fingers. He’s always been sensitive to fabrics, and while the blend of this one is fairly cheap, it’s been worn and washed enough that it’s soft against his skin. He grabs a handful of it and lifts it to his mouth, brushing it along his lips, under his nose, and he deeply inhales your lingering scent mixing with the fresh pump of perfume.

He bites back a moan, screwing his eyes shut. His cock gives a dull little throb. Fuck, the spell you’ve cast on him makes him ache just for the smell of you, makes him salivate. He swallows it back, letting out a rough little breath as he reluctantly puts the shirt back down. Under it, he spies a little flash of something black and lacy. His stomach clenches, and he’s reaching for it before he can stop himself, fishing the black panties out of the heap and twisting the fabric between his fingers.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He can’t afford to overindulge. He won’t be able to control himself if he does, but he also can’t bring himself to put the little slip of fabric back down. He imagines he can almost taste where your sweet cunt had been pressed to it. Christ, he’s practically drooling. Out of sheer impulse, he yanks down the zipper of his pants with a quiet hiss of metal against metal and hastily pushes your underwear into his cup, biting down hard on his lip. He grinds once against his hand, savoring the feel of the fabric against his cock.

He’ll enjoy them far more than you’ll miss them.

Zipping himself back up, he carefully pulls open your top dresser drawer. He curiously pushes the contents around, mindful not to overly disturb, and his knuckles bump something solid. He shifts one of your bras–another near painful pang of arousal at the reminder of your breasts–aside and finds, to his delight, what any good marketing department would describe as “a large purple massage wand.”

A vibrator. He chews his bottom lip briefly, turning it over in his grip. An exciting find on all fronts. It’s smooth and decently hefty, good quality. You deserve even better. You might be capable of indulging yourself with this, but he could make you scream. You’ll never need a silly little toy again. Not when you have him.

Homelander moves to put it back in the drawer, but–

“Fuck!” He hisses when the button catches on his finger, and suddenly the damn thing is buzzing.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, he chants mentally, jabbing at the buttons in an attempt to silence it, but pressing the same ones only makes the accursed device louder. In a frantic move, he grips the neck and squeezes. There’s a soft crunch beneath the silicone, and as abruptly as it had begun, the buzzing ends. His heart is thudding heavily in his chest. He listens to the silence, to you.

He looks over his shoulder. No movement. Your breaths remain shallow.

Christ.

So much for leaving no trace. He slips the busted toy back amidst your underthings and snatches his glove off of your dresser, tucking it under his arm. He hones his attention on you as he approaches your bed, assuring himself that you really are still asleep. He stands there for a while, admiring the part of your lips and the haphazard splay of your pajamas and where they cling to your body.

No bra.

His bare hand flexes. Being so close is too much of a temptation. He wets his lips with a quick slide of his tongue and bends down. He ghosts his fingers just over your cheek, not quite daring to touch. He can smell the faint remnants of your toothpaste on your breath, your shampoo, and beneath it all, you. It's intoxicating, it's…

Your brows furrow slightly in your sleep and you make a soft noise, interrupting his thoughts. He wonders if you’re dreaming–dreaming of him, perhaps. He’d like to think so. He’d like to think that you’re just as affected by him wanting you as he is, and that’s the real reason you invited him to lunch. He saw it in your eyes when he echoed your words, the thrill that went through you. He could have gone to his knees for you in that moment and had you in giving himself to you.

Desperate for just a taste, he kisses ever so gently between your brows, his own breaths matching the cadence of yours. Divine. You're divine. So effortlessly perfect and so aware of your own power. How could he not want every part of you?

He means to leave it there, to walk away with nothing but the slight salt of your brow on his lips, but the pull is too great. He's greedy, drunk on the smell and the taste of you, on the feel of your panties pressed up against his cock, and he can't stop himself from sampling your lips against his.

It’s the barest hint of touch, and yet the contact lances electricity through him like he’s been struck by a bolt of lightning. Your lips are soft, soft, soft. He knew they would be. Everything about you is so fucking soft. It takes everything in him to pull away, standing back to his full height.

He's aching, yearning so intensely he could rip the covers away and take you just like this, shake you awake, declare himself and have you. Would you scream, or would you have that same look of affronted understanding of him? You see him in a way few are ever brave–or stupid–enough to dare.

Not yet.

He won’t spoil the game. He agreed to play by your terms. As far as you’re concerned, he’ll do precisely that. You’ll be none the wiser in regards to his little reconnaissance mission–anything could have happened to your vibrator–and the two of you can play your little game as if you stand on equal footing.

Sucking in a silent breath, Homelander leaves alone, but not empty handed.

He’ll make very good use of his little trophy tonight.

( chapter three )

#i have no self control ENJOYYYYY #praise me it's shocking i finished this so quickly #although it's not really finished bc i'm stretching it into 3 parts but #couldn't help myself i needed him to be a little weirdo #next chapter is already started tho and shouldn't take long!#ALSO I MADE THIS GIF #i'm so happy lol #my writing #homelander x reader #homelander x you #homelander fanfiction #homelander #plus size reader

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b4kuch1n · 8 months

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red lion wizard !

#pokemon #swsh #champion leon #wizard leon! one of em!#chose to color this one foolhardy style lmao. well it is done. I did Minimum cleaning up #this set is. well Im gonna draw the design sketch like with the toy doctor #but yeah the Other name for this one is 'wizard of performance'#which. uh. yeah there u go #Im actually flipfloppin between thinking this looks fine and feeling like I fucked up big time.... idk why. probably bc I put a h #uge splash of almond flavoring into this tea instead of like. two drops. like I wanted to #its literally like drinking perfume. why is vanilla fine when you add more than a few drops in but almond extract poisons you in real time #like why does a food flavoring smell exactly like something you Shouldn't eat. why is it made like that #well. I will sleep now. and maybe I'll dream. and then I'll know #have a good night lads! we are not immune to propaganda.

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sergle · 8 months

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(re: sssniperwolf and jacksfilms) It's laughable that she escalated it that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure stalking him like that is illegal and it's terrifying regardless, but Jack said in a stream (can't remember which one) that he wasn't about bringing up past controversies of hers or cancelling. And now she shows up outside his house (wtf!!!). Like he was willing to only call her out for stealing and freebooting but she's gone and stalked him and Jack doesn't seem like the type of guy to take that shit. Actual WTF moment from her part. wild

omg long post below bc apparently I have opinions: YES!! THAT'S WHAT'S SO INCREDIBLE ABOUT THIS... Jack has been genuinely diligent about keeping things on-topic in his streams, and hasn't brought up any of her other Stuff, or anything Personal. Despite the fact that she kickstarted the whole thing by making it INCREDIBLY personal and attacking his physical appearance... His goal has been to call out and bring attention to content theft, and he's stuck with it. Dude's also cared about this for years, and she's not the first content thief he's criticized. He just hates the way that freebooting has become so accepted-- to the point where youtube praised her for "coming up with such creative video ideas"? Hey! Ew! Dude wasn't trying to get her cancelled though, there was no smear campaign of her character. He's been rallying to get her to CREDIT the creators that she relies on for all of her content. It would set a precedent for all other "react" channels on the platform for one of the biggest channels on youtube to actually give credit where credit is due. Or, god forbid, get permission first? It's not hard. It's already done the job of making some other people who do "react content" self-analyze whether or not their content is transformative, and to maybe care about crediting the creators they rely on for their genre to work. There is a way to make this kind of video that isn't so slimy. And making fun of her lackluster-at-best reactions is so far from even being a big deal. Bc she literally does just sit there and say nothing. Plus, his goal has a clear End built into it: if she started shouting out the creators she takes content from, and put links directly to their pages in her video descriptions, the job would be done! That's what he's asking her to do. Real bare minimum stuff. It legit would have been easy to steer away from the content theft and to also talk about her history of lying to her audience! her ghosting a dying kid with cancer who was a big fan of hers! the fact that she's been arrested for armed robbery! her history of transphobia! He would also get more clicks that way, which is what she claims is his sole goal- to get more clicks. I'll bring it up though! She's been a terrible person the whole time, and has kept a steady course of manipulating her audience of young children and/or, let's be completely honest, simps- into thinking that she's a Wholesome creator. (And now, into thinking she's an innocent victim.) All of the actual effort put in by her has gone toward optics, not the content she puts out. A carefully constructed online persona, for one, but also literal appearances. Jack totally can't say this, bc she already went off the handle and said the only reason he doesn't like her is bc he Hates To See A Woman Be Successful. But I can! That was a cheap shot for her to use that argument when, for once, it's not applicable! Much the opposite, even! Dudes online wouldn't go to bat for her if she didn't look the way she does. And it weakens any case she'd have against him by making baseless claims like that. She banks hugely on being an attractive woman to get her clicks/following. A massive amount of effort is put into her appearance. The makeup, the lip fillers, putting her hair in little pigtails, the chokers and tube tops, the big non-prescription Nerd Glasses, the thumbnails where she has her mouth open in That Expression?

I don't even have to say anything. But making a weird facial expression and putting your hair in pigtails aren't moral failings. Showing up at someone's real life home (whose address you shouldn't even have access to), filming the front of their house at night, doxxing them to your audience of millions of people? Because you were mad at them online? That is fully scary! Yeah girl I'm pretty sure that Jack can press charges! There is absolutely no way to take the moral highground now that she's literally stalked him, and doxxed his home. She tried to goad him and Erin (Jack's wife) out of the house, also, which creeps me out even more-- because what was she planning to do? The fact that she's been arrested for violent crime before does pop into my mind! lmao! Jack was streaming a game at the time that she was outside his home, and these clips of him, his friends, and Erin reacting in real time to what is genuinely a scary situation have been taken down in case he needs to use them in legal action. Shit is legitimately serious!

#sergle answers #long post #LONGEST POST ON EARTH I'M SO SORRY #saying all this out loud only takes a few minutes but typing it... girl this is a BOOK #clearly I have thoughts on this Online Drama but also this isn't online!#these are people who exist in real life. and compromising a person's safety bc he criticized you for stealing tiktoks #is a real life thing. this isn't confined to online spaces! you can turn off your computer to get away from An Argument #but someone going to your house?? that's absolutely terrifying #and all of this is just because he's been telling her to credit the creators. it could have been resolved so simply.#I hope he takes legal action against her bc he genuinely has grounds to do so.#and I can't imagine how terrified and upset I would be if someone was outside my door. filming my house for their audience.#also the 'what if the roles were reversed' argument is rarely made in good faith... but she's already brought up the topic.#this would be getting even more coverage and the optics would be Even Creepier if a strange man with millions of followers showed up #at the home of a woman- just bc she criticized his videos- filming her home address for all to see and trying to get her to come outside.#It's just as creepy that sssniperwolf did this as it would be coming from ANYONE else #it's been downplayed bc her being a little skinny woman means that A Man shouldn't be threatened by her #which. even if she wasn't going to Do anything. any one of her rabidly loyal online followers MIGHT. she's not the only one who could go to #his house now! anyone could show up.#sergle.txt #Jacksfilms #Sssniperwolf

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