#i think it's probably visible enough to convey the point
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@mor-and-more, this is for you. tumblr won't let me add video to reblogs and is being highkey uncooperative about this, so it's new post time.
many people who are fairly new to spinning are anxious about dropping their beautiful drop spindles.
first: honestly, you don't have to be. they're called drop spindles for a reason—because you drop them. it's going to drop sometimes; that's just the nature of the craft. it's ok. most of them are pretty sturdy.
second: if this is putting you off starting, try what i only half-jokingly call the no-drop method! it's pretty slow, so you're probably not going to want to do this forever, but you can use it to get to a place where you're comfortable enough that you're willing to try other things.
this is basically park and draft, but not a variation i've seen discussed much, so i made a video, featuring my cat, who really really really wants to help. there's a text version of this method after the video.
this is a no-audio situation (other than random background noise), so quick notes.
first and foremost, i'm holding the spindle between my feet, because that's what's comfortable for me and because i took this video around a tripod. there's no reason that you can't do this sitting on the sofa with the spindle between your knees, or with your legs crossed tailor-style and the spindle tucked into the fold of your knee, or whatever else makes sense for you.
the other thing is that i had to trim the video a little to fit on tumblr, which is why it ends abruptly. there are videos made by much more skilled videographers about how to do things like predraft, find the staple length, and draft while you spin, so i don't show any of that either (except incidentally), but if anyone's like 'no, i feel that having this from you, specifically, will make my life better,' let me know and i'll make another video. maybe without the cat. (maybe with more cat! who can say.)
text version, including some extra notes:
trap the spindle so it can't move, but you have easy access to it. (see list of suggested positions above.)
take your predrafted fibre and hook it onto your spindle. i like to basically fold a staple length in half and use that. once it's hooked, keep your hand there, holding the fibre so it stays folded around the spindle hook.
keeping the spindle trapped, twist it. you're just loosening your feet or knees or whatever enough that you can twist the stick.
twist will move into the fibre around the hook. hooray! your fibre is now attached to the spindle. twist a little more. keep pinching it at the top!
draft out a tiny bit more fibre, move your pinch up to the top of that, and let the twist move into the drafted fibre.
keep twisting, drafting out a little, letting the twist move up, and twisting some more. if the yarn looks like it's getting too loose, let the tension off of the yarn and keep twisting, then reapply the tension. a weird thing about twist is that it doesn't move well unless it's under tension. i really tried to show this in the video, and i failed. i will repeat attempts if anyone desires.
if you're not sure if you have enough twist, just move your fibre hand towards the spindle. if the yarn twists around itself, you're probably good. (i check that a lot in this video, because i never spin in this style recreationally, and i don't have good instincts for it.)
when you have an arm's length of yarn, wrap it onto your spindle. for the first time you do this, you'll want to hold the bottom of the yarn, right where it attaches to the hook, as well as the top of the yarn, right before you get to unspun fibre. just wrap it onto the shaft of the spindle. i sometimes find it useful to lay the first tiny bit of the yarn—again, the bit that was on the hook—parallel to the shaft, and then wrap over that, which helps make sure things are good and tight.
hook back onto the spindle and repeat.
you can do this as long as you want to, up to and including forever. it's sort of a hybrid style of spinning—not quite suspended spinning, not quite supported spinning, and not quite grasped/clasped spinning, but a collection of elements from all of them. you're making yarn! you're spinning!
that said, after you do this a few times, you may feel like it's a little unnecessarily fussy and slow. which is also totally fine. try loosening your grip on the spindle and giving it a little twirl. you don't have to let go entirely if you don't feel ready to, but loosen up enough that it'll spin, then clamp back down. you can see me doing this at the very end of the video. at this point, you're basically doing park and draft, and can go from there.
like i kinda implied at the start of this post, this is very far from the only way to approach learning to spin, but especially if you're anxious about damaging your spindle or (like me) hate unexpected noises, it might be one to consider.
#handspinning#hand spinning#spinning#fiber crafts#yarn#smartest raccoon i know#spinning has brought me such joy and i just really want it to be accessible to anyone who's interested in it#also i tried to spin thicker than usual so this would be more visible but uh#trying to get around the tripod and etc i just kept reverting to form#i think it's probably visible enough to convey the point#anyhow i hope that this is helpful to someone
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your shading is AMAZING specially when its conveying organic forms..... do you have any tips for people who dont know wrf going on (with shading)
ok so HI. hi. my old tutorial pisses me off so i will make a new one
i made a guy whose sole purpose is to be shaded so dont worry he likes it. and his name. his name will be mr. Boob. mr boob does not have to be blue
theres probably way better explanations of how to do it but unfortunately trying to "emulate" shading does ask you to somewhat understand ur character in a 3d way. like what would the 2d shape be if you "sliced" it? mr boob is made of so many circles. his tail also does a kind of weird perspective foreshortening thing because its pointing at you. is this being conveyed
you obviuously dont have to draw a horrendous grid on your characters skin to do this . BUT it helps you put down (or at least envision) the lines of the form shading :
dont worry about cast shadows or the shading color because this is FORM SHADOW time only. think about what surfaces of the character are obviously facing away from the light source and put down the "separation line" of the shading based on that. thr most important thing is that youre trying to separate light from dark
im going to pick the first one for cast shadows bc it will be the most obvious to me
ok so. his ears and snout are blocking other surfaces of his body from the light, which means a shadow is cast!!!! bam. i saw someone describe cast shadows as what the light's pov "can't see." his entire body is putting down a cast shadow on the ground too
im impatient so i blended the form shadows now. its usually the easiest to just NOT blend cast shadows as a way of conveying that they are still cast shadows. but you can still blend them if you want to show "distance" between the obstruction and the surface its blocking. but its just a way of saying form and cast shadows should not be treated the same even if their softness coincides
im going to lump reflection and ambient light together because theyre like. similar. reflections dont just happen in mirrors
since the sky is blue, making the ambient lighting, i tinged mr. boobs existing shadow to be a bit blue. (*this is kind of important because it can help you decide a shading color, which should USUALLY be based on the environment) (unless your character is just in the transparent void then it doesnt matter)
since the ground is pink, i made pink light bounce off of him. pointed and labelled. i dont rlly know how to go more in depth than that
contact shadows are literally shadows formed from direct-touching contact. very little light can reach in there, even from how reflections disperse, which means youre free to use the darkest color available (black). in this case mr. boob is making contact with the floor. because he is sitting on the floor.
i touched him up a bit and wow!!!!!!!!!! look at mr. boob!!! he is so beautifully sculpted.
and one more thing
thats right. i made mr boob PINK. hes fucking ruined now. just kidding i would never say that to him
what im trying to convey here (its the easiest with really light colors) is a transitional color. this can also show subsurface scattering depending on how you use it which is fun to look at. the mistake i made on my last tutorial was "Just pick a warm saturated color!" which is really wrong in examples like Blue mr boob. because it would be weird to use a warm color to transition from blue to blue.
if you have a character that isn't bright enough then obviously the shadows wont be as visible. its BEST to bring more attention to highlights and reflections to reveal the form a bit. they play the biggest role with darker colors
thats all i can think of. fun things to look up:
structuralization + contour lines + foreshortening etc. 3d lingo
form shadows
cast shadows
ambient light
contact shadows
subsurface scattering
im also just speaking out of my ass otherwise. i didnt look up any of these terms until the end now im inferring and hoping i got them right
and remember every time you shade mr boob will be rooting for you
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Not-a-tutorial - Dialogues: Part II
Part 2 of the not-tutorial about how Noctie does dialogues!
Some of you know this already, but I do the shooting part first, then write the dialogues to go with the pictures that I got. It works best for me that way. I always always ask myself: what does the character want to convey here? What is the essential message? Answering that question helps me stripping out all the redundancies and unnecessary bits that would bog down my meaning. Also, I tend to find that short bits of dialogue going back and forth between characters make for a more realistic and dynamic conversation.
Talking about realism, I like showing small hesitations in a character's speech. We don't always speak in one breath. We pause, we stammer, we look for the right words,... So I choose carefully where to split my lines, in order to make them as meaningful as possible and to have the most impact on the reader (hopefully).
I use ellipsis (the three dots) to relay "visible silence". That is, when it is important to show that a character could talk but is very definitely not talking (either because they're holding back, or because they have too many thoughts at once, or the words don't come out, etc etc). I overuse those three dots, I just love meaningful silences.
I don't use any bubble at all for silences that are real silences (ie, the character is taken aback or is simply keeping quiet). It's more dramaaaaaatic that way!
Characters should ideally speak with different voices, but I know that's difficult to achieve. Besides some obvious extremes (I try not making my more cerebral characters speak the same way as the tougher, street-wise characters for example), I don't think I can get it right myself, mostly because English is not my native language and I don't master it well enough to be able to imitate a variety of accents and registers. So I try using other ways to individualize a character's way of talking, like speech mannerism or favorite expressions.
Erik's favorite swearword is very clearly "Goddammit". xD
Romeo uses Italian when he's frustrated (mostly interjections) or when he wants to make a point.
There are other easy ways to make a character's voice distinctive. Some will be quicker to crack a joke and others will have a stammer. Some will always be sulky, others will be particularly rude or polite. Their identity should somehow show through their way of speaking and addressing people.
Even if a graphic novel is very static, the way characters position themselves can say a lot about them too. The poses I select for each character can give an attentive reader some hints about their personality.
Again, I don't want to labor the point uselessly as everyone surely knows how to read a comic and I'm really not saying my way is the right way because it's not. I struggle a lot and I change my mind and try different things and there are a million things that I just don't do right. This speech bubble sort-of-guide is probably way too specific to be useful to anyone, and again, I don't believe I have enough expertise to pretend I know what I'm doing. I just really like the topic so consider it a ramble!
Thank you for reading this far! Hopefully that was at least interesting!
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Quite an episode today! So many good parts.
Ben Galpin did a wonderful job voicing a man who’s recovering from something horrible and dark. Jonathan is careful with his words, as talking just enough to tell Mina that he needs to steer clear of that time is still treading the edge of unstable ground. Poor man. The fear and dread in his voice as he talks about just this much….
The music at this point had suspenseful ambiance. We all know what he went through, but Mina has no idea. But she can see him here, see what the experience (whatever it was) has done to him; hear his words as he says her full first name. Galpin’s delivery was perfect. Just through hearing his voice, I could imagine how Jonathan must be staring at the closed journal in his lap, the way his fingers grasp it as he doesn’t dare open it; like it’s Pandora’s box.
When I read the book again earlier this year and Mina talked about her wedding present, I was worried. I was thinking, “oh no, don’t make that promise, Mina. It’s well-meant and sweet and noble, but NOT a good idea.” I kept thinking of it as a visible proof of trust between them. While that is part of it, however, now through hearing it, I’m having second thoughts. She wrapped it up like a package, which disguises the appearance of it and puts it in a state to still some of the moving chaos in Jonathan’s mind. He won’t wonder, “Has she read it? Should I read it?” or tear himself to bits with worrying about it. It doesn’t even look like the journal he took on his trip to Romania now. It’s locked up. If the journal is Pandora’s box, Mina just put a bolt and padlock on it, so there’s no getting in there without effort. And I missed it earlier, but she didn’t promise to never open it; she’d only do so if some kind of crisis happens, in which case opening the journal wouldn’t be the cause of chaos, but could only possibly become an aid. So now I think that was a really clever idea. As for the visible proof of trust aspect, it’s there because if Jonathan has doubts in his own mind, he can at least count on her. That’s the real message there. He can trust her and her judgment.
I loved Sister Agatha’s insight. She won’t break confidentiality, but she can put some possibilities to bed. I don’t think that Mina thought at all that Jonathan had an affair since she got Agatha’s letter, but the possibility probably crossed her mind a few times during the long silence before that, when she had nothing to go on. So when Agatha brought it up, I think Mina realized she had forgotten about the idea and was relieved that she need never wonder again.
The music turned … the words that come to my mind are “victorious” and “triumphant”, when they got married. And well it should be. I wouldn’t use the word “joyous”, although there was joy in Mina’s voice and in the music. I think the feeling of victory and overcoming is appropriate here. It’s a triumph that Jonathan escaped and is alive; it’s a triumph that Mina’s helpless waiting was rewarded; it’s a triumph that they are reunited, and at last, at long LONG LAST, they are married. Jonathan’s not completely okay now, but he will get better. They crossed a giant hurdle, and can make each other stronger.
That’s the feeling the music conveys.
But then the abrupt change as we switch to Lucy.
The fear is back. Beth Eyre’s Lucy is always quiet and gentle, but the quietness is different this time. It’s tense, nervous, dreading. We all know that Dracula has resumed his feeding off of her. And now she’s alone. No bedmate to hang onto the key, or pull her back to bed if she sleepwalks. And no one to scare off the bats and shadows haunting Lucy.
She’s on her own. Smart of her to start keeping a diary, now that no one’s there to bear witness (her mum being a helpless case).
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Spy x Family 9: The Kuudere That's Secretly A Yandere
I have been waiting for ages for Fiona Frost to get introduced in the anime, and this episode absolutely did not let me down. They really went all in on it and really nailed Fiona's disposition. Ayane Sakura also of course does a great job with the voice acting, really solid choice.
I really enjoyed how awkward they were able to make her interactions with Yor. Just the right amount of dead air between the two to convey that feeling of unease.
They really quickly launch into Fiona's slightly insane inner dialogue, and Ayane really does a god job of selling it. Cool, calm, and under control, the very personification of how a spy should appear. It's just, they probably shouldn't be talking about stealing someone's husband.
Also, loved this bit where Fiona ascertains that Yor is a tough nut to crack. The misdirection for stuff like this is always hilariously on point. The nervous housewife giving off Jojo's rumbling air to the impeccably trained international spy will always get a laugh out of me.
Then, there's this whole thing with Fiona's inner monologue which they absolutely nail. Hilarious seeing it in motion and so detailed.
Also absolutely loved this little zoom out with Anya. It's going off of a fraction of her head in the background of a panel, but the comedic effect on it is priceless.
Fiona really does add a fun angle to the story though, showing how different Loid's become as a family man. Can't really blame the man for taking his coffee with milk considering how much he's been struggling lately.
I really do have to reiterate just how creative they're getting with little bits of information here and there. Reading Fiona's mind for a single little panel on the page, we get an entire scene of in the anime and it matches the vibe perfectly.
In terms of more direction work however, they really nailed this emotional moment. The slow movement that washes over the smaller pieces in Loid's mannerisms that Fiona picks up on was really a great addition that didn't appear in the manga. Seeing his eyes relax and open, the movement of his hands, those little details really add a great deal to the value of the moment and fit really well with the rest of the series given how much they show stuff from various people's perspectives.
They really drive home the emotional angle in this stretch, and really sell Nightfall's monolgue about Twilight. What only felt sort of emotional in the manga really gets driven home in the anime with the addition of the VAs and animation. I am having a bit of a tough time deciding which version of Nightfall is better for this moment though. The manga one is more visible in her sorrow, but the anime is more subdued and relies more on Ayane's voice acting to sell it.
This episode was definitely more than I was expecting for the material. I didn't think they'd lean so heavily into the emotional side and capture it so well, nor did I think they'd really have as easy a time as they seem to have had working with the creative aspects of it. Lots of added scenes, moments, and details that you'd think had existed in the manga the whole time. And if that wasn't enough, they had the forethought to separate this chapter, which is a single chapter mind you (a single chapter for a runtime of about 15 minutes? Incredible), from the extra chapter they used to fill the gaps.
I was a bit apprehensive about my praises for Part 1, but Part 2 seems to be knocking it out of the park on every front so far. Truly incredible work for an adaptation that I don't think anyone else will be able to match for a very long time. In the weirdest sense it's like 1:2, for every bit of the manga, they add something in the anime. They change it, improve it, extrapolate it. It's just such a different experience in the opposite direction that you really have to give WIT and Cloverworks credit for how far they're going for this series.
#spy x family#spy family#loid forger#fiona frost#spy x family anime#spy x family manga#anime#anime and manga#anime review
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do you think brendon was pretending to be straight in presplit yaers or is he pretending to be pan now?
Uhh ok. so I'm going to breeze past a whole lot of problems with this question and just skip right to explaining a few things...
I think most of us were well aware that Brendon wasn’t straight by 2008, but we weren’t really searching for a label… some fans thought he was gay & still figuring everything out, while others guessed that he was probably bisexual. It really wasn’t a big deal. We just knew that Brendon was definitely into both girls & guys nbd.
First of all, people didn’t talk about their sexuality as openly in 2007 as they do now. It usually wasn’t part of an identity that you put in your bio or whatever. (Things are totally different now, but I just want to add that not having a public label still doesn't make you any less valid. I completely relate to Brendon now on the “sure, you can call me pan if you need to” concept). The important point is that your sexuality wasn’t really a common or easy-to-discuss topic in the mid-2000s. So even IF Brendon never said a single thing about it or just focused on talking about liking girls in interviews, that still would've been a pretty normal approach.
But Brendon was unusually open about liking guys if you were paying attention. I’m not talking about how a lot of people online called him gay during the Fever era because he “carried himself like a girl,” did the stage gay stuff with Ryan just to make fans lose their shit, wore mostly girl’s clothes, or spontaneously broke into dances like this onstage. That is not "evidence." I’m talking about actual info that Brendon intentionally chose to convey to fans (btw this is super weird for me to look back as an adult and try to talk about how people were sexualizing an 18-year-old, so please keep in mind that I’m just like trying to outline the fandom and events here ok).
So the band’s first UK tour in late January 2006 was when I started to notice that a large amount of gay teens seemed to be in the fandom purely for Brendon (more specifically, for Brendon’s butt). There were absolutely stories of guys hitting on Brendon that season, but it mostly sounded like Brendon was just embarrassed & shy like usual with that kind of attention. Yes, he claimed he was straight in interviews in spring 2006 and we’d get gems like this Kerrang cover (the actual quote from Brendon was “I support it, but I’m not gay”):
I got the sense that many of those types of answers later that year were out of frustration with the assumption that the guys must be gay if they were defying gender stereotypes. For example, this October 2006 interview in Munich asked if the guys were gay because they wore makeup and Brendon answered “that’s probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” He seemed to have had enough of that kind of assumption at that point. However, Brendon was still comfortable giving answers like this one in August 2006 (he didn’t shut up about his love for Freddie Mercury from the start).
Anyways, by summer 2006 there were some rumors about guys who’d approached Brendon and hadn’t been visibly turned down (I’m trying to stick with facts here and not get into rumors… but I think it’s worth noting that those types of rumors existed by that summer and that the rumors over the years didn’t reflect negatively on him in any way). And then on July 19th Brendon intentionally chose to wear this bandana out to greet a huge crowd of fans after the show. This picture became really popular along with a screenshot of the gay hanky code (which you can google on your own):
When the Pretty. Odd. era started in early 2008 Brendon was actually telling the occasional crowd that he was into guys. He struggled throughout that year to gain autonomy and regain some control onstage, so I was proud to see how he was able to defiantly make it clear that he liked guys at the final show of the Pretty. Odd. era. Here's a contrast I made a while ago of the same part of the show during the first and last tours of the Pretty. Odd. era just because I think the growth is neat:
youtube
He was also a lot more comfortable in interviews when the topic came up... like on this interview around July 10, 2008 he just laughed and basically said he’d seduce guys with the same song he picked to seduce girls:
I also thought it was interesting how in 2008 Spencer went out of his way to make a point in multiple print interviews that Brendon could be gay. He left space for that valid possibility and showed that Brendon would have his total support... but he also made it clear that he wasn’t going to say anything certain until Brendon did. This could've easily been because Spencer was just trying to voice his support for LGBTQ+ rights. Maybe I read too much into some comments at the time simply because Spencer seemed to be quietly watching out for Brendon in other ways that year and was often visibly tuned into how he was doing. I don't really want to project any motivation onto Spencer now so I'll just leave his determined silence here instead lol.
Anyways, this is by no means a comprehensive list. It’s just a few points that came to mind right now and I’m mainly focusing on stuff that Brendon chose to share with fans as he was figuring out life. He wasn’t hiding with those actions or statements. They were noteworthy for that time period, and the part of the fandom that paid attention to the irl band understood that Brendon was also into guys nbd.
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Okay, so I like love your work and I just finished Smile like a switch blade, and I'm work on Let Me Ride. I have a question about your AU magic-cats. If they have fur, how do hickies work? And also, how does blushing work? Like its when blood is visible under the skin, but Catra's got fur so how can her skin be seen when she blushes?
tricky answer tbh XD this is something that's kind of handwavey because of how much the answer varies by how you conceptualize catra's appearance and biology in your head, so buckle in. i feel like i talk about this like once a year and my answer is always Similar but not the Exact Same.
okay, Catra canonically has fur and blushes in the show, so for Cartoon Logic I just assume the fur on their faces (and other parts of their bodies) is finer/thinner which would allow blushes/hickies to show through some, but I'll be honest, I avoid picturing what magicat faces would look like outside of drawings because it seems like some creepy Cats (2019) shit (i think nate even said as much at some point, though he is notorious for saying total jokes that get taken too literally - and he definitely said that last part, i think on the blm stream? "you need to learn not to trust everything we say, we like to joke around," roughly from my memory).
how "detailed/realistic" i picture catra varies, but i never see fur on her face in my head, nor do i see a transition between where there is fur and is not. when i write, however, i refer to her having fluffy cheeks because like, her cheek tufts are observable in canon, but even following their existence i don't think every inch of her face has true fur on it and it probably thins out. I mostly think of it just as those cheek tufts even though i know that probably isn't "correct."
i generally try to mention things like blushing being observed on catra less than other characters because i do think they would be subtler with the fluff she is supposed to have. that said, catra can feel herself blushing and such, so from her pov it happens just as much as it would from adora's. and if we're talking about adora setting out to make a hickey or something, she can do that even if it's harder to see the product when she's done.
blushing is also weird, because i think for a lot of people you say that word and they picture cartoon shit (ive seen a post with a lot of notes indicating that, and have had that conception myself), but that isnt how people actually blush irl. that doesnt mean real blushing is not noticable still (generally in more than just the actual blood rush with the expression/mannerisms that accompany it, which would be just as observable on catra as others), but it is a lot more "flagged" and obvious in how it's portrayed in cartoons. it's kind of how, irl, people frown or show sadness with their eyebrows/eyes, but on the computer we convey it with :( A blush is generally pretty subtle, which is harder to convey in animation, especially simpler styles, so it ends up being just red cheeks in a cartoon and we all know exactly what that means.
tldr; catra is fluffy as a cartoon and she blushes, but she's probably less fluffy and it's less observable "in live action", and either way i just say eh. her fur is thin enough in those areas for it to be observable even if it is less noticable
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[Review] Vane (PS4)
You're so Vane, you probably think this game is about you.
During The Last Guardian’s long periods of development hell, some staff left Team Ico entirely. Two individuals gathered with other developers, fellow foreigners working in Tokyo, who were tired of working in huge studios and wanted to create more personal projects. They were Friend & Foe Games… now with their website lapsed and social media feeds silent since 2019, I have to assume the studio has dissolved. But their legacy will be the unique and fascinating game Vane.
Calling Vane Ico-inspired doesn’t do it justice but there are some similarities: you spend a good chunk of the game as a child realistically navigating an enigmatic world and solving environmental puzzles. Only, the child is actually a bird. An interesting thing about Vane is that promotional materials only show about half the game, and it takes some turns as it goes on which I will spoil below, simply because the game reviewed poorly and doesn’t seem to get much attention, and maybe revealing more will entice some people to try it. Who knows.
There are four phases to Vane. The first has you flying around an open world as a crow-like bird. The game gives very little explicit story or direction to the player, aside from occasional control prompts (much less intrusive than TLG’s frequent tooltips, I might add). Figuring out what to do feels nice as you experiment with the flight movement, gather a flock of birds, and release a golden orb from a ruin. The golden matter exudes floating triangles and contact with it transforms you into a childlike humanoid, while warping the landscape around it.
The warping and time-reversing effects of this matter play into a lot of puzzles going forward and are one of the coolest ideas the games has, but for now it serves to change your state. The accompanying graphical and technical effects are incredible though, as the geometry dynamically reshapes itself. It also exhibits stop-motion-like lowered framerate which effectively conveys the otherworldly quality of this technology. In other ways the game has visible polygons and limited colour palettes that make for a compelling and abstract atmosphere.
The second phase plays with the transformation mechanic. In large underground caves amid wrecked mechanisms you will free other birds/children from imprisonment while swapping between the forms: the bird can fly and perch, while the child can push and pull things to progress. These chambers are large with multiple objectives but from here on the game becomes more linear in its structure. I wish this phase went on longer and indeed a Dualshockers interview with one of the devs outlines cut content that seems like it would have fit in this phase, but the game has more ideas it wants to try out and new settings to move the story on to, so it’s probably for the best for pacing reasons in this relatively short experience.
The third phase involves a massive timeshift, reverting the state of the world from the bleak wasteland to a metallic tower complex in the midst of a cataclysmic storm, which is also the context of a brief prologue sequence. At this point the bird form serves merely as a tool for scouting, with the bulk of this chapter seeing the child rolling around a large golden orb with the help of other kids. The orb has an effect similar to Zelda Skyward Sword’s timeshift stone boat, but more involved as it dynamically repairs parts of the damaged complex to allow you access. I got a bit lost a few times here but the game teaches you enough that with some experimentation it’s satisfying to solve, and ultimately you arrive within the tower itself…
The fourth phase continues the theme of reshaping the world with the power of sound: before, shouting at the orb would extend its range but now you have access to a gold birdlike mask that can itself create paths through a surreal twisting interior space. The bird form is now inaccessible and the game narrows its traversable space in this phase but it’s in service of the story, depicting your final transformation. Ascending the tower sees the mask bond to you and after a memorable sequence of the ground chaotically forming paths and staircases in a void (a fantastic effect even if I fell through the floor a few times) you yourself become one of the ominous tall masked figures whose presence have loomed over proceedings through the previous phases.
A final choice closes the loop as the world dissolves into its phase 1 state and you ponder what it all means, and then you can start all over again (or choose from any of the phases). I did and had a great time hunting my missing achievements, including exploring an optional Ico-like area in phase 1.
Thank you for indulging this more thorough than usual dive into the game���s events. I just thought that the different phases are so distinct that it was worth getting into how they play out. Vane is such a memorable experience, with so many great moments in its short runtime. The tone and look are incredible, and while I understand the choice of a sparse soundscape I wish it was more full of the hard techno that comes in sometimes. Maybe the crunch-heavy work environment described in the Dualshockers article was not the most healthy way to develop a game over five years, but it certainly resulted in an experience I'll be thinking about for a while.
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Some Friendships need no Words Uttered
This is a simple crossover between Doom Eternal and Metal: Hellsinger in which two metal hell walkers cross each other's paths. Warning for descriptive violence, maybe, I don't know. Oh and there is absolutely no romance here. Enjoy!
Year 2151. Earth has been invaded by hordes of Hell. The invasion started in Central Europe, and then it rapidly spread all over the globe. All the world’s military firepower wasn’t enough to stop the demons and the battle for Earth was nearly lost. Human population dwindled at exceptional pace. Cities demolished and enveloped in organic cancerous growth that emerged from the portals that light up randomly and everywhere. What’s left of humanity can easily all fit on one mobile over-sea carrier under the guise Armored Response Coalition, or ARC, the last line of defense before complete annihilation… It would all be in vain it there wasn’t a new hope on the rise. But this hope rose from the depths of Hell – the One Man – the Doom Slayer.
Nothing is known of him. Some consider him a demon, others - a God. Many are afraid of him. Nobody knows how he looks like underneath the helmet. However, the only thing that is known is his unsatisfied rage and hatred towards the demon kind, over which he towers, regardless of their size, and dispatches them with ease…
It was the battle of the Gore Nest – a military base hijacked by the demonic growth. The city around it was devastated – the bridges collapsed, streets littered with car wrecks, blood and bile, and what were once skyscrapers, were only burnt remains. The Slayer was standing on the 5th floor of a breached building, looking down at the destruction, calculating which road to take towards the Nest. Some demons who can’t seem to settle something between themselves were running amok.
He hears a quiet footstep behind him and turns rapidly. Eyes fixed on a strange unknown figure before him. It is humanoid, winged… feminine. Caped, up to her mouth in scarves and drapes, but revealing enough to show off her crimson skin… and 3 yellow glowing eyes placed between the beautiful horns. She gestures a greeting – a silent wave.
Seeing this demonic figure, regardless of it’s shape, The Slayer was instantly fueled with rage. His eyes bulged behind his helmet, as if they were conveying his thoughts - “I will tear your wings off, rip your head off, make you choke in your blood, and rip you in half.” He didn’t utter a word, but the Unknown understood this look. She lets out a sigh, gesturing her 3 fingers as the sign of peace.
The Slayer ignores this gesture. His thoughts getting more violent: “You think that I will be fooled by a simple hand gesture? You are very naive. You should be scared of me. I am the embodiment of destruction and rage. I am the Slayer!” he prepares his shotgun and points it towards her.
This seemed visibly disappointing to the Unknown figure. You could say she was even somewhat sad? She uses her claw to scrape something into the wall and then swiftly jumps out of the hole behind her, and she does it rather elegantly. The writing on the wall said “You lack rhythm.” This little message both confused and probably offended the Slayer because he lets out an annoyed huff. Then looks after her, his mind processing violent thoughts: “I will follow you… and I will kill you. I cannot let a demon live regardless of it’s demeanor. I will rip and tear… until it is done.” And still with no word uttered, he leaps after her into the Hellish scape of what was once a city.
The Unknown soared through the sky, over the burned ruins. Carried by her wings above, she noticed The Slayer at the corner of her eye. He was following her on foot. Running in a straight line, while dispatching the demons in his way, he still kept his sight locked up, right on her. She didn’t know, because he didn’t speak, that he was thinking only of murder. He saw her as yet another challenging enemy, the demon who is responsible for the fall of humanity. He blamed her for the destruction and suffering. He wasn’t forgiving. For demons, there was only one thing they deserved… and that was death.
Suddenly the Unknown gained speed and flew ahead of the Slayer. He could see her landing in the distance. Just when he thought he had her in his corsair, the ground shook. Before her, Slayer saw a huge demon materializing. It was the Tyrant. “Now they gonna kill each other.” He thought “and then, I will finish the victor… and they will regret the day they were made.”
This is where it got fun. To his surprise, the Unknown figure pulled out a shotgun and started… dancing. Shots were fired towards the Tyrant. Violently, just like The Slayer would, but… there was something different in them. They had a different… rhythm. She was moving, dancing to each shot, and fired to each move. Soon the Tyrant was annihilated… and as the Slayer reached her, and sopped in tracks, the Unknown slowly turned towards him… and silently waved again.
He waves back, silently.
And the Unknown? She nods in acceptance.
However she was still tapping her foot to the ground at the same pace. Figuring that Slayer does not understand the situation, she points her clawed finger at her foot. This gesture made him realize… it was the rhythm. It was the key to her power. “So, this is how you do it.” He thought “You fire your weapon to the rhythm and the beat… which somehow amplifies your moves and your speed.” Amazed, Slayer thinks of making a few steps towards her so he could gesture and point his hand towards himself to ask her if he would be able do to the same… But he was interrupted.
In the distance there were explosions and unidentified screeches and roars. It was another wave of the horde and they were closing in on the two. The Unknown turns towards them, still tapping, but then looks at the Slayer, as If asking him to join her. The Slayer smirks behind his visor, and makes few steps to stands beside her, preparing his own shotgun, as if he was saying “Let’s rip and tear… in co-op.”
Suddenly they both rushed towards the incoming demons at the lightning speed, as if blinking only to catch beat. With the corner of his eye, Slayer sees her pulling out her sword and slicing through limbs, always to the beat, and he replicates her moves with his own melee. The more they moved, the stronger they became, until their hits were one-shot-kills.
In this carnage, as he was following her steps, the Slayer wondered: “How can she can do this? How can she gain such the power from a simple thing like the rhythm? How does that… technique differ from my own?” And it was then when it dawned on him that everything around him has its rhythm. His style, his speed and momentum were his rhythm that he failed to feel and utilize to his advantage. With this new found knowledge, the Slayer closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, as if he wanted to concentrate mid battle… Everything became slow and silent. He could hear his own breath and heartbeat, and in this state he felt it from deep within his heart – the rhythm. It took him over fast, flowing through his veins, merging with his blood… and just like that – he heard the music. Her music. She was, after all the Hellsinger.
He shakes from his nirvana and looks straight at her, over the battlefield. Her, now glowing bright yellow eyes meet his. She smiles with them, as if feeling what he feels, acknowledging his new found strength.
They don’t stop… they keep moving through the horde. Individually, both of them - a force to be reckoned with. Combined – unstoppable cosmic event. The ultimate pair, The Slayer and The Hellsinger – Destroyers of Hell.
And the music continues to play… and it was METAL.
~Fin!
#story#fan fiction#doom#doom eternal#metal#metal hellsinger#doomguy#doom slayer#the unknown#gore nest#hell#demons#Tyrant#music#rhythm#team up
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@amphyn
fully, fully willing to be the internet's reader insert clippy in this regard if it means it's stop fuckin happening, please
@crytalstellar
there's like, a SPECIFIC way that third-person fics can work, and that's when there's a character thinking about 'you' but tbh it's damn tricky to do and i haven't seen it done very often, let alone done effectively. but first person? never. never ever.
@wasserplane
OKAY SO the thing about writing advice for reader insert stories is that the vast majority of advice falls under general writing advice. if you are a good writer, you will probably write decent-to-good reader inserts. if you are not a good writer (yet! we all start somewhere), then reader insert tips will help you write more accurate reader insert stories, but not necessarily good ones. but! that's obvious. actual tips would be.... hmm...........
this is not an exhaustive list and it's very rambly so i'm gonna put this under a cut, but --
don't feel like you have to make your reader insert character a total blank slate. it Can Be Done, but it is tricky, and personally i find it less fun! i'm sure some people prefer blank slate protagonists/reader inserts, but i think reader insert stories are best when there are (at least) some establishing details abt what 'you' DO and who 'you' ARE.
now, don't make things hyper-specific! don't talk about the color of your hair or eyes or even abt the style of your clothes, unless that serves a purpose (another character provided 'you' with a change of clothes, you're in disguise or in uniform, etc). but -- give 'you' a job! or mention the possibility of one! some friends, even if obliquely! it's great for character-building! scene-setting! plot devices! why not! you can do it in a way that's vague enough to be relatable to a bunch of people, and also not be so specific that it's offputtingly unrelatable to the rest of your readers! just maybe don't insist that 'you' work as the world's premier parakeet trainer instead of, like, working in the zoo gift shop or at a mall kiosk. or, as i most often find myself writing, at some unspecified-but-probablly-minimum-wage-job since swapping shifts was mentioned at one point.
also, remember that not everyone looks like you/a certain way! kind of obvious, right? and a lot of this is very easy to avoid. but you'd be surprised -- i've seen people write a description that mentions 'your pale skin' like 3 or 4 times in fics????? not that much, i guess, but still odd to realize the specific way an author is visualizing 'you.' and that's just in fics that i, personally, have stumbled across and read. all you gotta do to avoid that one is...... not do that. not assume all your readers have light skin. easy-peasy. (and this is kind of a dumb example, but similarly, while everyone can blush, not everyone blushes so visibly with their skin tone. 'you redden/your cheeks turn pink' may not be the most relatable way of conveying embarrassment or being flustered -- tho it's also not 100% definitely gonna be alienating -- but, like. even so. 'your face warms' and other such phrasings are options.)
other things are a touch less obvious, but still not all that hard to do, you just have to consider what may or may not be relatable to people. if a character "runs a hand through your hair" then 'you' must have hair long enough to run a hand through... and that you are willing to let someone touch like that. if 'you' duck to get through a doorway, 'you' must be pretty tall (or the doorway is particularly shirt!) and if 'you' have to climb onto something to reach an object, 'you' must be short enough to justify it.
there was a comment on a fic of mine once in regards to a scene where 'you' sat on someone's lap, and it was something like 'aw, i wish i could do that, but i'm fat, so i'd probably crush him, lol.' and that's stuck with me!! i failed that reader of mine by relying on skinny bitch privilege and that made my writing less effective and less fun for someone! jolting someone out of a scene they would otherwise enjoy is not something i wanted to do!!!
ever since that, i've really tried to consider the physicality of the actions i write -- to make sure that whatever 'you' do, it's written in such a way that it's believable for all my readers, whatever their height or weight or build might be. and you'd better fuckin believe that the next time i had 'you' sit on that character's lap, i tried to make it happen in a way that that original commenter would've been able to see themselves in.
and, like, listen. implying/maybe even outright stating that the reader insert character has hair that someone can run a hand through, or is kinda short or whatever, is not inherently bad.
you are not going to be able to create a reader insert that 100% of readers relate to 100% of the time -- at least, not for longer stories. it's easier for drabbles, lmao. but for longer stories or for a series, there will almost certainly be something that doesn't grok with someone, whether that's 'i wouldn't do that' or 'i wouldn't say that' or 'i wouldn't react like that' or any number of other points that are dissonant to someone reading. and aiming to be 100% relatable, 100% of the time is not only futile, it also tends to result in.... characters who are so firmly middle-of-the-road and blank that the stories are no fun to read.
but. as with anything else, people are willing to suspend their disbelief. give them enough things that they can relate to that if/when you slip up, they're willing to keep going anyway.
on that note, returning to the not-a-blank-slate idea, you can -- and i think you should -- give 'you' some personality!
i struggle to describe how i view this, but like......... you can justify most types of personalities. you can make it make sense. you can make it feel natural. you write the story, and if you want the reader insert character to be anxious, add moments in the story where that makes sense, where people nod along and say 'oh, yeah, for sure, i would react anxiously too if that happened.' bam! however you want the reader insert character to act, just keep weaving in justifications, scenarios that would draw out the desired behavior from a lot of people.
also maybe this is a cheat, but heaping on more personality in the narration than in the dialogue is a possibility! people are often more open in their thoughts and impulses than in the things they say! so then you can write weird shit and have people still relate!
"Oh, I'd love to chat, but I..." You readjust your bag and shuffle back a half-step, using the motion to buy yourself time to think of another excuse. "I really can't stay, sorry; my coworker needs me to cover her shift."
It's not a lie, exactly. More like... two unrelated pieces of information. You really do have to go -- if you spend one more minute being ogled by some chucklefuck with no concept of personal space, you are really, truly, going to burst. And your phone has been pinging all day with frantic requests to please, please, please cover this shift, just this once, she thought she'd requested it off ages ago, honest, and the tickets were so expensive and they're nonrefundable, and you're the only one not already on the schedule, so please?
He doesn't need to know that the shift isn't until Saturday.
not the best example, but you get the idea.
above all, all else, make it fun. seriously!
i got... a lot of comments about the reader insert character in my saeran fic. positive ones! really positive ones! some could relate to the reader insert, but others just liked them. thought of the reader insert as a well-developed character. does that mean i failed at writing a good reader insert? .........................well, maybe? or... maybe not? people had fun reading it and i had fun writing it, in the end. and a lot of people mentioned that the reader insert character did a lot of things they wished they could do RE: the plot or a character, so it still scratched that itch of wish fulfillment that reader inserts are designed to do, lmao. so maybe it didn't end up being The World's Most Relatable Reader Insert. but would it have been as fun for everyone if it was?
.........yknow what, maybe a lot of this is not actually the most helpful for writing reader inserts, actually. uh, if you want advice on fitting a reader insert into the world they're dropped in/among the characters they're now interacting with, or. like. any other coherent, salient writing advice, lemme know and i'll babble abt that another time but i've been rambling for an hour and i still have homework i need to do, oh my god
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Fragile Dream rambling time cause while I’m sure someone wrote about this in depth at some point like a decade ago, I feel like talking to myself. And I want to talk about Crow since he’s the character I of course hyperfocus on.
So first time I played Fragile Dreams I was going through it spoiler free. Did not know Crow was an android/robot/A.I./whatever you want to call him so missed some of the little things about him in the amusement part. The most interesting one to me is how his writing style changes between each of his secret messages once you have the fancy flashlight (and this is where the translation doesn’t convey it fully since really do need to be able to kinda read Japanese to pick up on this. Although they do try to keep the level of expressiveness in tact with their translation). You seem to find his message in reverse chronological order so presumably the one on the teacup ride where he refers to himself by his serial number is the first one he wrote. His handwriting in this message is “perfect” basically, what letters from a keyboard look like and uses neither kanji or any type of obvious grammar cues. Very basic and “robotic” so to speak. But then if you go back thru the previous message, you can see how his handwriting slowly gets more stylized and uses some kanji here and there. (It also gets sloppier/rougher as it goes. His handwriting is honestly kind of bad once he’s writing the messages to Seto while you chase him around). He gets more expressive as he builds a personality I would presume. The way he writes “I” also changes with each message. My kanji reading ability isn’t quite good enough for me to be able to read what he writes in the final secret message (also his handwritten being sloppier by that point was not helping me) but I could tell it went Watashi (with kana), Watashi (with kanji), Boku (with kanji) and then from listening to his voice in Japanese know he’s using ore-sama (because of course his is) by the time you meet him in-game.
As I mentioned yesterday, the environmental storytelling was what I liked a lot in this game. Cause none of this is pointed out or remarked on by Seto. You just have to infer from all this Crow was slowly building a personality for himself the longer he stayed in the amusement park and this changed both how he thought of himself and the way he spoke.
Other thing I noticed about Crow when you first meet him (and seems to point, to me, that he has the same doll-like body the other robots you fight in the game have) is once he hears Seto is human, he grabs his hand, lifts it up, and inspects it. I took it to mean he was noticing the lack of visible joints on Seto’s hand that his own hands probably have. And thus why he’s the most fully clothed character in the game. To hide how he has a doll body. Only skin you can see on him is neck up.
Like yeah, I know there’s that one interview with the director where he says Crow is technically genderless but thinks of himself as male which pretty much confirms he’s the same as the other doll robots (aka, has barbie-doll anatomy, if nothing else) but still, I prefer in-game information over Word Of God.
The only point against this is in the picture he shows you of him and the scientist guy, his arms are partly visible and there doesn’t appear to be any visible joints. Like his sleeves are just short enough you should probably be able to see the joint at his elbow. But it’s like right on the edge length wise. Could chalk it up to being in shadow or maybe he’s a bit more “complete” than the other dolls you fight so any joints he has are less stark looking and smoother (the truth is I think it was an oversight on the developers part to keep things ambiguous with him, but this does mean I’m cool with headcanons that go with him actually being very “human” under his clothes, so to speak. Game lets you go either way).
But yes, those were the main things I noticed so far about him that I missed the first time I played the game.
#Syd rambles#Fragile dreams#crow#why yes I’ll tag this one 😤#if anyone has somehow played this game feel free to come talk to me about it#been over a decade since I first played it and still sticks with me
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Hopefully Tumblr doesn’t eat this chapter like the last one! So yeah, I came back to this story, but nobody saw the last chapter, but I’m linking all of them for easy access.
Ch. 1/Ch. 2/Ch. 3/Ch. 4/Ch. 6
Petal in the Audience
Chapter 5
Kira and Randall weren’t having much luck in convincing their dad to get rid of the traps. And I was having a hard time convincing my parents that I moved on from the humans.
I had to time my visits to the viewing hole just right, and I couldn’t risk stepping out of the walls for a couple days in order to ensure that nothing suspicious was happening.
I ended up taking up sewing. I’m really bad at it, but as long as I keep doing it around my parents, it’ll hopefully convey to them that I’m bored with the humans and I’m now interested in doing borrower things.
But with the traps still around, my parents had no intention of staying.
After a couple days of staying home, I finally too the risk to venture out and get an update on the traps situation. Randall explained that his father is very firm on keeping the traps out, since rodents tend to breed quickly, and if they aren’t killed, they only keep multiplying.
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want you getting hurt, or the mice, but he just won’t cooperate.”
“Well, he’s putting the traps out because there’s mice in the house. But what if we caught and relocated them, then he’d have no reason to leave them out, right?”
He nodded. “That could work. But how are we gonna catch them all? As much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think the humane traps will be able to catch all of them, but I don’t wanna kill them either.”
I thought it over. Mice are a lot like borrowers. They’re scavengers that live in the walls of human houses, and take what they need to survive. And just like how my family has a home in the walls, the mice must have a nest somewhere.
“Randall, do you know where their nest is?”
He frowned. “No. Dad hasn’t been able to pinpoint where it is.”
I chuckled. “That’s probably because he doesn’t think like a mouse does. I bet I could find it. Then, if we set up a trap, I could go right into their territory and lure them to it with food!”
“I think you might be onto something, but are you sure you’re okay with doing that? It sounds kind of dangerous.”
“I have to do this. If it’ll stop my parents from moving, then it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Besides, it’s not like I’ll be alone. You’ll be nearby with the trap, so if anything goes wrong, I’ll call out to you. The mice might try and attack me, but they’ll be scared of you, so if we need to abort the mission, just act like you’re gonna try and grab them and they’ll run away.”
Randall still looked hesitant to agree to the plan, but he realized that it was our best bet, so he went ahead and called Kira to ask her to bring home a humane trap. After that, the two of us headed downstairs to scope out the walls.
It was the first time I’d been downstairs. There really wasn’t an easy way to access the first floor without borrowing gear. I was traveling in style though, perched on Randall’s shoulder.
His parents were home, so if either of them crossed paths with us, I would dive into his hood. Hopefully, that wouldn’t be necessary.
We searched for a while, but there wasn’t a visible hole in sight. Finally, I heard something: little paws tapping against the floor.
“I hear them!” I whispered. Randall looked around, confused.
“Wow, you’ve got good ears. I can’t hear anything.”
I pointed at a large potted plant, indicating for him to put me down next to it. I looked behind it, and sure enough, there was a cleverly hidden hole in the wall.
“I found it. Now we just need to wait for Kira. It’s best we wait for her to come home before we get the bait ready, because if they smell it too early, they’ll come running out.”
After what felt like forever, Kira finally arrived with the trap. She got very mad at Randall for agreeing to this plan, and tried to convince me not to do it, but I stood my ground.
Randall got a strawberry from the kitchen, and he and Kira both waited with nervous anticipation as I headed inside the hole with it.
I wished I had a lantern or something, because it was really dark in there, but I followed the sound of skittering footsteps and used my allergies as a gauge to determine how close I was to the furry creatures.
It was something out of a nightmare when I reached the nest. The mouse closest to me stared me down with dark, beady eyes, and took a big chomp out of the strawberry. Deciding they were successfully lured, I ran for it, the sound of a mouse stampede close behind me.
Normally, I can’t run very fast, but I got an adrenaline boost out of fear for my life, and I darted out of the hole and threw the strawberry into the trap, with all the mice following after it.
I had to stop for a minute to catch my breath as Randall shut the door on the trap. Kira let out a sigh of relief.
“Okay, it worked. Let’s never do that again. Petal, are you okay? I can take you upstairs while Randall releases the mice if you want.”
I gave her a nod. “Yep. I think I’ve seen enough mice for today.”
I collapsed onto her hand the moment she offered it to me, and she brought me back up to Randall’s room, using her other hand as a barrier so she wouldn’t drop me. I was too exhausted to really think about it, but this was the first time Kira held me, and while she was trying her best to keep her cool, I could tell she was really nervous.
She seemed to finally calm down once we were upstairs, and she sat down on the bed while we both waited for Randall.
“I really hope this works. I would hate it if you had to go through that for nothing.” Kira stated.
“I wish you two at least told me what you were planning before you started carrying it out. But that’s more on Randall than on you. He’s always been bad at talking about stuff with me. I guess he doesn’t want his big sister telling him what to do, but somebody’s gotta look out for him, you know?”
I smiled. “He really appreciates you, even if he doesn’t always show it. He misses you like crazy whenever you’re not home.”
She chuckled. “Right, you’ve been watching us. Let’s not tell him you told me that, though. I don’t want him to feel embarrassed.”
We sat and talked for a while, and the entire time I was filled with a sense of hope that this was about to become the norm. I’d still have to sneak around so my parents wouldn’t find out, but I felt so sure that the plan was working and that I’d get to stay.
About a half hour later, Randall came home from the park where he released the mice, and we all hung out for a bit. I sat on his shoulder while he played video games, and Kira stayed on the bed while she sketched something in her notepad. Turns out she was drawing a picture of me. It came out really good, too.
But unfortunately, I couldn’t stay forever. I’d have to keep up appearances at home if I truly wanted the plan to work, so I said my goodbyes for the night and headed back. I made it back to my room without suspicion, and all seemed to be going well.
That is, until dinner.
Mom and Dad continued to talk about their moving plans, and I wanted to say something about how the mice are gone and the traps are soon to follow, but I knew I couldn’t because they’d know I had something to do with it.
Then, they turned their attention to me.
“Petal, are you alright? You’ve been spending a lot more time in your room than usual lately. Are you still upset about the move?” Mom asked.
“No, I’m just bored. I got tired of watching the humans, so now I don’t know what to do all day.”
Dad smiled. “Well, I don’t know what you can do during the day, but I do know something you can start doing at night! Petal, I think you’re ready. I was worried for a while, but after you made it back alright that one time, I’m sure you can handle borrowing with me.”
A little while ago, I would’ve been happy about this. But borrowing with Dad meant he would be keeping a closer eye on me, so it would be harder to sneak away from him.
“Uh… Is there really a point for me to start now? I mean, we’re gonna be moving soon.”
“Actually, I’ll need the extra help. We have to gather a lot of supplies for the trip, so I could use an extra set of hands.”
Great. Fantastic. Wonderful. Always gotta throw a wrench in my plans, Dad. But I was determined to work around him. I wasn’t about to lose the life I thought could only ever exist in my dreams. Besides, as long as everything went according to plan, I wasn’t going anywhere. This was a minor setback.
Yeah, just gotta keep telling myself that.
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The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 3
I reckon, that if you’re reading Part 3, then you know two previous ones. In case you didn’t read them yet: Part 1 | Part 2
Thank you for all warm words and praise! It means world to me.
I also love this series, folks! I need to admit, I did get addicted to it a little, so I thought it’d be great to set updates schedule. It won’t be precise, but you can expect another part roughly in two weeks time from now.
As per usual, sorry for any confusion and grammatical mistakes.
Warnings: Rape (mentioned), Depression, PTSD, Forced Pregnancy, Blood
Word count: 6200
No summary this time. Also, this one has very sweet parts in it!!!
ENJOY!
The next day, you had your appointment with the doctor. A doctor was apparently a woman and you were sure the kings were paying her something extra for the visit to be immediate. Unfortunately, she didn’t know any English, as she was a local gynaecologist. Your mates didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any way, so before the visit, Aro asked you, who you’d like to be the translator for you.
The ideal situation would be a woman, but you didn’t trust anyone in the castle, except the kings. For this reason, your first shot was Aro, as he had already seen your memories. There was nothing that would shock him, you also didn’t need to hide anything from him and you knew, he was the best at dealing with others. You figured it’d be an ideal solution and you had to admit to yourself that you simply wanted him to accompany you.
The whole visit took place in your room, which meant a lot of carrying the necessary equipment, but more mental comfort for you. In those two days, you managed to get quite settled in and didn't want to leave the castle. You felt safe and secured in your suite. Kings seemed to notice that, as it was Marcus, who proposed, it would be a great idea to have an appointment without the need of leaving your room.
While you both were waiting for the doctor to come, it was the first time you had seen Aro with brown eyes. He looked really out of place. You shared this thought with him, by saying you prefer when his eyes are normal. That’s what it took. Two days, to consider red eyes normal. As usual, he was polite and revealed to you that he also hated the colour, let alone the lenses.
When the doctor finally arrived, you were already a nervous wreck. Aro tried to distract you, asking questions mainly about your house in Forks and whether you had already spoken to Bella about family heirlooms. He succeeded for a while, but it couldn't last forever, could it?
The lady was extremely kind and gentle. The truth was, it was hard to hide how stressed you were about this visit. You didn't want anyone to touch you, not when you weren't ready, and this time you definitely weren't. Despite the doctor's initial efforts, you were unable to shake her hand in greeting. She only smiled sadly, as if understanding perfectly what you were going through. Aro assured you beforehand, for he had not told her anything and only if you wanted to, you should share your trauma with her.
The doctor, seeing your nervousness, decided that you should talk first. While she asked you questions, you noticed that she chose her words carefully and only then did you realise that she was also stressed, but in her case it was probably Aro's presence that made her uncomfortable. Although Aro tried not to impose his presence on her, you understood why it might overwhelm the doctor. You felt confident being in the same room with Aro, while she probably sensed danger, even if she could not rationally explain it to herself. You promised yourself that you would try to learn at least the basics of Italian before the next visit.
She needed to ask you about exactly everything since, unfortunately, you didn't have any medical records with you - neither from the obduction, nor from the subsequent visit to the doctor, where you confirmed the pregnancy. You made a mental note to tell Bella about it, so she could send your documents, along with the things she was supposed to take from your house.
Aro was great in his translator role. Of course, you were still looking at the doctor, while answering the questions, but Aro’s voice, at least, soothed your shattered nerves just a little bit. When the questions started to get more complicated or more intimate, Aro used such words as to not make you feel uncomfortable, while still conveying the meaning. The more difficult part started, when you had to describe the situation from the hospital and how long it took for the bleeding to stop. Every word seemed linked to a particular image or smell from that night, until finally, you were unable to say anything at all.
The doctor was very understanding, probably having already guessed what exactly was your weird behaviour all about. You didn't say anything directly, you only described the situation from the hospital and then told her the details of this strange bleeding after the rape. Mainly because the doctor was very concerned about it. She explained to you that it was definitely not normal, even if you had wounds inside.
The worst part, however, was the examination. You didn't even want to think about whether you would have to undress, but it turned out to be unnecessary. The doctor had a great intuition, even if she herself was under a bit of stress. You told her that, indeed, you had been to the check-up before and that was how you found out you were pregnant. And that the doctor then checked if all the wounds had healed. The lady didn’t discuss the issue, for which you were very grateful.
After the interview, the doctor told you to lie down on the bed and only pull your blouse up, high enough for your belly to be visible. You didn't feel comfortable with this, but you preferred this way to undressing from the waist down. This was the first time you didn't feel comfortable lying on that bed. You knew that once the visit was over, everything would return to normal, but it wasn’t meant to become a memory you would return to with pleasure.
As it turned out, your first trimester was long over. The pregnancy was about 14 weeks old and that would explain the slight curving of your belly. Before the appointment, you were not sure if you would even look at the monitor to see the baby, but you did. You could not deny yourself this. The room fell silent and you could not tell what you were feeling.
The doctor pulled out some kind of a strange device and after a moment, you could hear the baby's heart. You glanced in the direction of Aro, who was obviously alarmed by your face. You grimaced, too overwhelmed to say anything to him. Up until this point, you were sure that the decision, if you should terminate the pregnancy or not, would be fairly easy. Now, you were certain that nothing in your life could be simple enough.
*
Over the next few weeks, your day usually looked the same or similar, yet you managed to do something completely different every day. You were glad you had so much to do, because you didn't have time to think about what had happened. You didn't want to analyse it over and over again. The kings respected your choice - unless you yourself mentioned the traumatic events, not a single insinuation or implication about it fell from their lips.
Your days were filled with various activities. Every day you spent at least some time with each king in private - you knew you needed this to create and strengthen your bond. To keep you from being inundated with information, you learned something new from each of them about vampires and their lifestyle. After all, it was supposed to become your lifestyle in the nearest future. You discovered that thinking about your transformation caused you far less anxiety, than any memory associated with rape. Even after you learned that it more or less consisted of burning alive for a few days.
During your time with the kings, you tried not to show the insecurity you had acquired about your body, and yet, you were sure they knew anyway. However, the time spent with them was what you treasured most. With each of them you did something different, as you wanted to know what they like to do in their free time. Marcus, as he had promised on the first day, taught you Italian for two hours every day. It was not easy, but after a few weeks of intensive course and communicating in broken Italian, not only with Marcus, but also with the other two, you were able to maintain basic conversation.
Marcus was a great teacher, but that wasn’t the only reason why you loved spending time with him. He was the one who had the most time for you - he wasn't as busy as Aro or Caius, and besides, he had countless amounts of patience. He wasn't tired of your constant questions, not only about vampirism, but also about his past. You would often sit for hours in the library or in the gardens, which, by the way, were breathtaking. You both loved books and your only regret was that you weren't able to read most of their vast collection. Marcus assured you, you would have all eternity to do so. You could talk with him endlessly, as these conversations were truly effortless – even the most difficult topics seemed simple and uncomplicated.
You were surprised to learn about a gift of his. Your human mind was unable to comprehend it in the full sense of the word. Mostly because of this, he was the one to explain to you, what your bond even was and how exactly it worked. You have learned that after your transformation, you will feel the bond even more strongly. It is not often that one person has as many as three matches and is able to feel the bond while being human. Marcus explained to you that for now, both your mind and body are only subconsciously sensing the presence of the mates, as it’s impossible for human senses to do anything else.
It was so remarkable to you that you discussed it for hours. You also learned that the bond can be broken, as it is not forced in any way. However, this would be emotionally painful and very few vampires would choose to take such a desperate step.
One afternoon you were spending time in the garden again. You loved being outdoors, but for your own safety you did not go outside the castle grounds. Together, you decided that it would be safer to do only after your transformation. Besides, you didn't want to go anywhere. You were safe under the watchful eye of your mates and Renata, who, apart from the time spent with the kings and in your room, followed you in a constant manner.
The gardens were gorgeous and you wondered, who was taking care of all those magnificent flowers. You were strongly convinced that this was exactly what Eden might have looked like. You and Marcus had your favourite bench. You spent a lot of time outside, especially on sunny days. When you first found out why sitting in the sun might be a problem, you couldn't take your eyes off Marcus. He shimmered brilliantly, but your eyesight couldn't stand it for too long, because of the blinding effect. The gardens, however, were fenced off and inaccessible to the common passer-by, so you were safe to stay, as long as you wanted to.
“I asked Aro recently, if vampires can be killed in some way,” you began cautiously, not wanting to scare him away from this conversation. No one had talked to you about it, however, it still crossed your mind what state Marcus was in when you first saw him. You were willing to swear you looked exactly the same after your mother died. Now, knowing what all the mating bond was about, you were convinced that Marcus had lost someone dear to his heart.
As per usual, he smiled gently at you.
“I'm sure his answer was sufficient, my dear. What are you aiming at?” he asked, looking at you obliquely.
You took his hand in yours. With Marcus, physical contact was as easy as a conversation. He, however, never initiated any touch. He waited for you, just like he was waiting now, to reach for his hand or gently grasp his arm. The only movement he allowed himself was to stroke your hair every now and then, but only when he was absolutely sure you were willing.
“I wanted to ask what happens to the bond, when the vampire…is no longer here,” you said bluntly, not taking your eyes off him. Your understanding was unique. Marcus was gentle in manner, patient and extremely caring towards you. In no way did you want to ruin, what you had built over those few weeks.
His smile turned into one of the saddest you've seen on his face. By the time he answered, you regretted asking at all. You didn't want to cause him pain. You squeezed his fingers in your palm.
“Until you came to Volterra, I was sure that a vampire could only experience this special, unique bond once in a lifetime. I did experience it, yet this story does not have a happy ending,” he said, with utmost sadness in his voice.
Your heart ached, as you watched his suffering and grief. You had asked the question unnecessarily, but now there was no turning back. You continued to stroke his fingers, holding his hand securely in yours.
“When one of the vampires connected by mating bond dies, it does not mean that the bond disappears. It exists, but only on one side. It cannot be cherished, it cannot be repaired in any way. It isn’t reciprocated. What remains are the memories, and they are the only reminder of what the bond really meant, when it existed,” he explained in a distressed voice, slowly and carefully.
Holding his hand, you laid your head on his shoulder and sighed heavily.
“I'm so sorry this happened to you,” you whispered after a moment, feeling tears stinging under your eyelids. Even now, you couldn't imagine losing any of them and you couldn't possibly envision the amount of pain Marcus had gone through.
He embraced you carefully and gently hugged you to his side.
"Don't fret over it, cara. I've made my peace with it. However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten. I still miss her, after all these years," he said with longing in his voice, stroking your shoulder gently.
After a long moment of silence, you were in a genuinely poor condition. Tears dripped down your cheeks and your breathing quickened. Not only because of the pain Marcus must have gone through, but also because of your own yearning. You had come to terms with the death of your parents, but you missed them so much. You wanted to have them at least a little longer. Now, standing on the verge of immortality, you wished you had spent more time with them.
Marcus placed a kiss on your hair.
“Sob it out, dear. Nothing helps the soul more than honest tears,” he whispered, and you were ashamed, because you should be the one providing comfort for him. However, the memories were too fresh and you couldn't hold it back.
Once you had calmed down a bit, he handed you a handkerchief to wipe away your tears.
“I wish I could change my memories. Even if it was only for a brief moment to be able to forget that I will never see them again. To be able to forget what this…this monster did to me,” you whispered, snuggling tighter into his shoulder.
You heard his sigh and his embrace around your shoulder tightened.
“You have been terribly abused, cara. No one deserves such a fate. The most important thing now, is to get on with life. Our loved ones would not want us to dwell on their deaths,” he said, as wise and thoughtful, as ever. The hatred towards your abuser was palpable in Marcus’s voice.
“You are so good to me. I don't deserve this,” you whispered after a while, your voice swollen with emotion. He only smiled indulgently.
“You deserve the very best, dear. I've already lost one mate. I won't let anyone hurt you.”
“I’m sure she would be proud of you,” you said with compassion, after another moment of silence.
“I’m not quite certain about that,” he said, placing another kiss on the top of your head.
But you were sure. You were also sure, you would do anything to prevent Marcus from experiencing something like this again. You knew all too well the taste of grief.
*
You truly had little time to think about the rape and pregnancy at all. If you weren’t with Marcus, it was Caius who loved to kidnap you, so he could spent some private time with you. Caius was the complete opposite of Marcus – absolute chaos, you could say. You had no idea how the brothers even got along. You had already noticed that Marcus rarely spoke, while Caius was rather impulsive and liked to discuss things in detail. However, until you started spending time alone, you had no idea what he was really passionate about.
It turned out that his greatest passion was art. He would show you countless paintings he himself had painted throughout the centuries. He could talk for hours about types of paint and how to mix colours properly. Although you were not very good at painting, you tried to learn a little with Caius’ help. When he was alone with you, he was still abrupt and impulsive, but in a charming way. He never imposed himself on you and you discovered that annoying him was really great fun. So banter and frequent teasing were the order of the day.
You often spent afternoons and evenings with Caius. He taught you how to paint, but not only. Art history was his passion and you loved to listen to him tell stories. His voice was mesmerising and hypnotic. He also eagerly answered all your questions about vampire race. You listened about the horrible children of the moon and how Caius singlehandedly had almost slaughtered them all. He warned you that after the transformation you would be violent and impulsive, that you would have nothing on your mind but to satisfy your thirst. This frightened you slightly, but at times when things got weird or dangerous, Caius assured you that you would always have full support of your mates. You never doubted that. You knew they would help you to grow accustomed to your new life.
Caius loved every variety of art you could name. When he asked you for permission to sculpt you, you were so surprised that you made a strange sound. He said that, of course, he wasn't going to overstep your boundaries and you yourself would choose some beautiful casual attire, so he could portray your beauty in sculpture. All you had to do was dress once as he asked and stand in the right pose. He remembered every detail of your posture, including your facial expressions. Often, he would sculpt you, while you would talk about insignificant things also learning how to sculpt...well, things that didn't resemble anything. Yet, you wanted to be as good as he was.
You were in your nineteenth week, when he invited you for a long painting session. His studio was huge and consisted of nothing but breathtaking works of art. You were decorating some random sculpture that you had never seen before. Caius also loved contemporary art, so you could go wild. Taking classes with him was better, than any therapy. You could smear paint on everything - the canvas, the sculptures, yourself, and even him, because he was usually in a good mood and you could enjoy it. He never showed you even a trace of anger, and you, fooling around with him like that, were genuinely pleased and happy.
When you finished, the room looked rather bad, not to mention the clothes or your hair. Caius would never have appeared that way to the guards, let alone on trial, but with you it was different.
“I wanted to show you something,” he said, wiping the paint off your cheek.
You took his hand. Caius, like Marcus, did not invade your personal zone, unless you specifically gave permission. However, carnality and touch were important to him, and so, once you were more comfortable in his presence, he liked to show you affection by stroking your cheek or your back, and intertwining his fingers with yours, when you held hands. You didn't mind his cold skin – by now you were accustomed to it, as three of them had similar body temperature. You were the hottest here. Literally.
You walked slowly to another room.
“I didn't tell you, but I finished craving” he said, and you could hear the excitement in his voice. You smiled at him. That was the main reason why you had agreed to have yourself sculpted in the first place. You wanted to get close to him on a level, which was inaccessible to do in any other way.
“Before you show me, will you tell me as to where you even got the idea of carving me?” you asked, amused. Caius was much taller than you, you had to slightly lift your head to look him straight in the eye.
At first, he smiled archly, but immediately his smile softened. He pulled at the material that covered the sculpture, so that it fell to the floor. You were simply speechless. The woman, who stood opposite to you was over four metres tall. The sculpture was made of marble and the woman looked, as if she was an actual person. There was something elusive about her. Her face, thoughtful yet serene, her hair flowing freely over her shoulders onto her back. She was clad in a fine fabric that flowed in waves down to her bare feet. She looked nothing like you and yet, you two looked exactly alike.
You had no idea that you started crying. The woman was beautiful. You could feel the power and dignity emanating from her, and on the other hand, she seemed to you as if... fragile and ephemeral. Caius had captured in this sculpture all the feelings you had been feeling, without even knowing it.
You felt his hand on your cheek, his fingers gently wiping away your tears along with some paint, which remained on your face.
“I thought I would like you to see yourself through my eyes. Exactly as I see you – without a single flaw, yet with all your imperfections. I don't want you to be unable to look at yourself, because of what this animal did to you. I don't see it. I only see you, [Y/N]. The real you. Beautiful and fragile, yet powerful, without inhibitions or scruples. Capable of anything.”
The words were trapped in your throat. You wanted to say something, but you were sure, that as soon as you were going to open your mouth, uncontrollable sob would come out. You looked first at Caius, then at the woman carved in marble, then back at Caius. He only smiled gently.
“Who we are – we decide that ourselves. No one else does. To me, you are beautiful. Pure. Never think otherwise, dolcezza.”
Without warning, you hugged him so hard, that it hurt. You forgot that his skin was different from yours. He embraced you without hesitation, even though you were all covered in paint. You wept, cuddling into his chest, as he soothingly stroked your hair and back.
Once you had slightly calmed down, you looked up at him. His blond hair looked like a halo over his head. He amazed you in every sense of the word.
“Thank you. Thank you for letting me see this,” you whispered poignantly, and then went straight back to hugging him.
“There's nothing to thank you for, my lovely [Y/N]. I would like you to accept yourself as you are. Because you are truly magnificent.”
*
The only person you talked straightforward about pregnancy was Aro. Was it because of his gift? Most likely, and you simply felt you could trust him. From the moment you first found yourself in his arms, the bond between you two only strengthened. Also, a memorable visit from the doctor was also significant, and then, together with him, you went through the documents that Bella had sent you. To say he was furious, was an understatement. Yes, Aro saw your memories, but the reports were written from a third-person perspective. And the other evening was really awful – you couldn't stop crying because you couldn't block out the flow of memories.
You were close with each other; close enough for you to try to overcome your insecurities, to talk about how you really felt about this whole situation you found yourself in. It was far from easy, but Aro was a really patient specimen. In the course of these talks, you discussed practically everything. You knew that every scenario had to be worked out and discussed, because there were many different options of the outcome.
Despite many conversations, you were still unsure about keeping the baby. You didn't know if you wanted to, if you would be able to raise it and then tell it that it would forcibly have to become a vampire. After the doctor's appointment, things did not get any easier for you. You heard the heart and knew that the child was not to blame for its father’s actions. You were raped, but this child had nothing to do with it.
So you waited. You waited for a miracle to decide for you or for the baby to move when you were thinking of having it removed. It’d be a sign not to do it. However, nothing of the sort was happening and fate was not deciding for you. Aro convinced you that, even if you decided to have an abortion, there was nothing wrong about it. No one would blame you for it. The only person to blame here, was the monster who raped you.
You hadn't decided what you would do about the pregnancy, but you and Aro knew what would happen, if something went wrong. For your mates, it was your health and life that came first. Aro assured you of that a thousand times over. Because of this, if anything went wrong with the birth or if there were any complications, you were to be changed immediately. Also because of this, Aro talked to you about all aspects of your transformation. He was the one who introduced you to what transformation actually looks like. He didn't scare you with the pain you were about to go through, but only gave you the facts. Facts that you needed to know.
When you weren't talking about such serious matters, Aro also loved to spend time talking to you, but about different topics. He seemed to know all your thoughts, but you were still able to surprise him. He explained to you, that the human mind was more disordered and chaotic, than vampire one and that he certainly didn't see everything. Your brain chose the memories, often associated with strong feelings and emotions, which were meant to be remembered. You were joyful about this, because you could talk endlessly and he kept finding out something new about you. And you kept finding something new about him. You knew from the first moment that he was extraordinary, and the more you talked, the more you became certain about it.
Besides, Aro adored dancing. You were not convinced about this form of activity, but it was the intimacy of this act that convinced you. In his arms, no one was able to hurt you. You felt safe and, after many attempts, quite confident in your movements. He literally beamed, being able to teach you to dance and to be so close to you. You found nothing in his eyes but the infinite adoration he had for you. When you found out the reason behind this, your heart almost broke with sorrow and compassion.
“I must confess something to you, cara mia,” he whispered, holding you securely in his arms. It was evening, you had long since been prepared for sleep. He found your long nightgown to his liking, when he came to check how you were doing and if you needed anything. You rested your head on his shoulder. There was no music, he was the one giving the rhythm to your movements, yet it was the most wonderful dance you had yet had the chance to dance with him.
“Do tell, please,” you said, trying not to lose the rhythm. You were tired, as throughout the day you sorted through the things Bella sent you from Forks. In addition, you worked with Marcus to sell your house, because you were, after all, a little concerned about what hands your family home would pass into.
“I have been bound over the centuries to both men and women. My ex-wife, Sulpicia, whom you know and, to the best of my knowledge, whom I permitted to leave, was my faithful companion, basically from the beginning of my immortality. However, until now, I did not know what it meant to have a true mate.”
He tilted you gently, wishing to look into your eyes. You continued to sway to a non-existent rhythm, completely oblivious to your surroundings. You furrowed your brows.
“Are you serious?” you asked in a whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. The light emanating from the candles, illuminated half of his face. He smiled, and you were unable to take your eyes off his red irises.
“Yes, my dear. I have waited over three thousand years for you. I must tell you, that I could wait another three millennia, only to see your beautiful face,” he said affectionately, holding you tighter against him to stroke your flushed cheek with his fingers.
Your eyes welled up with tears and he slowly bent down and kissed your forehead.
“That's enough for today, cara mia. You must rest well. Caius has something planned for tomorrow, but he didn't want to reveal what, under any circumstances,” he said amused, giggling under his breath. You loved when Aro was in a good mood, because then you were in a good mood too. Before he walked you to bed, he wiped away your tear. You squeezed his hand in yours, then climbed onto the bed. He covered you carefully with a duvet and stroked your hair.
“I'm glad I came here,” you whispered, looking into his eyes. “I never want to leave you,” you said with force. He smiled softly at you and stroked your hair once more.
“We will always be by your side, [Y/N]. Good night, cara.”
His voice so soft and tuneful that as soon as he snuffed out the candles, you drifted off to sleep in an instant.
*
Apart from the fact that almost everything was going great and your mental state was in constant improvement, your relationship with Bella had severely worsened. In the beginning you talked every evening. She still couldn't understand why you were selling the house and why you wouldn't, at least, want to visit Forks. After a while, you got fed up with explaining it to her. There were an awful lot of things she wasn't happy about and she didn't hide it. She kept criticising the Volturi without knowing them and having no idea, what they were actually doing.
You loved her like a sister, but because of that, she could annoy you exactly like one. Because of her pinching remarks and your lack of patience, you called each other less and less. You didn't want to keep getting annoyed and you were tired of explaining things to her. Besides, you didn't like that she didn't say a single good word about your mates. You at least tried to accept Edward. Suddenly, what he did to her was all forgotten and you couldn't understand it. You didn't know, what was happening to your sister and your stay in Italy didn’t exactly make things better. You still hoped that once you saw each other after the transformation, you would be able to explain it all to one another. You didn't want to lose Bella, the last person you considered family.
So you talked less and less or not at all, and when you did, you avoided difficult and sensitive topics. It was not like with Bella at all and it made you anxious. You were at ease with each other, almost always, and you didn’t get why she was so bitter and hateful towards your knew, chosen life. Especially, because partially your presence right then, in the trial chamber, was the reason for her to be alive at all.
Shortly after Caius presented you with your sculpted self, you were to spend the whole day together, the four of you. These were the days you loved the most. Although you cherished the time spent with each of your mates separately, the presence of all three put you in an ecstatic mood. You usually spent your afternoons like this – there were still a lot of things to do and solve, and a lot of trials to carry out.
Being in Volterra for so long, you learned a lot about the existing laws and how to enforce them. You knew that kings were not flawless, but it was logical to you that keeping the entire vampire world in line, required some sacrifices. Some greater than the other ones.
You usually sat down in the study, where you had ended the very first day, at a round table. You listened to the discussions and arguments, but also just spent time with your mates. You often sat on Aro's lap or tried to calm Caius down, when he became too agitated.
You were extremely excited since the morning, because they promised you a whole day outside. It wasn't often that all three of them wanted to spend time with you in the gardens, so you couldn't restrain your exhilaration. However, there were also days, or rather moments, when, under any circumstances, you could not leave your room. Such a moment was to occur today, after breakfast. You slept for a long time, almost until eleven o'clock. When you ate your breakfast, it was Renata who informed you that it was time to eat. Of course, you knew what it was about.
The only situation, in which you could not leave your chamber, was at lunchtime. Not yours, though, but the lunchtime of all the vampires, who inhabited the castle. For your own safety, usually for about two hours, you were not to leave and to occupy yourself with whatever you wanted. The only two hours, in which Renata or anyone else was not around you. Not many people knew about your stay in the castle and because of this, the kings decided that Renata should eat with the rest of the company.
You did not consider it strange in the slightest. Of course, you tried not to think about the fact that people would die, but you knew that they were chosen at random. Which meant that they could just as well have been run over by a car or they could have died in a fire. You did not think about it. You were just enjoying your two hours of freedom. Sometimes you sunbathed on the balcony, prepared your outfit or just played on the computer. These were little things that still reminded you of being human.
This week, when Renata told you that she would be gone for a while, you were already enjoying a long soak in the bathtub. The home spa was one of the favourite things you and your mum liked to do together. You poured hot water into the tub, applied a mask that you had prepared yourself with a few ingredients and relaxed.
Since you had no idea when, you were no longer afraid to look in the mirror. Sure, your body shape was far from ideal, but at least you weren’t terrified to look. You weren’t terrified to acknowledge that, yes, your body was raped, but you were recovering from it. And that you started to think that your body didn’t cause any of this.
After some time you spent in the bathtub, you felt a little dizzy. It wasn’t exactly a good sign, so you figured it’d be wise to get out of the tub. When you rinsed yourself off with clean water, you stood up, and that was the moment of terror. The room immediately started spinning, like you were on roundabout for the last forty minutes. You felt nauseous, but there was nothing near you to which you could cling to. You managed to step out of the tub, on the marble step, and then you felt it. Pain, excruciating pain, suffocation. Streams of blood went down your legs and before you fell onto the ground, you could only see white marble floor all covered in sanguineous blood.
#volturi kings x fem!reader#volturi kings imagine#volturi kings x reader#volturi kings#aro volturi#caius volturi#marcus volturi#aro volturi x reader#caius volturi x reader#marcus volturi x reader#volturi coven#volturi squad#renata volturi#female reader#bella swan#aro volturi imagine#caius volturi imagine#marcus volturi imagine#my writing#twilight saga#twilight revival#original writing#original story
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Why I Believe Endersmile Is Canon
Because I’m on a bit of an Endersmile binge--
This is all gonna be very messy and just me putting my thoughts together and I’ll probably not be going through the VODs for exact timestamps or anything because that’s exhausting and I applaud the people who do, but here are my thoughts on Endersmile and why I’m 100% convinced it’s canon. They’re besties your honor.
/rp Any names mentioned are referring to their dsmp characters and not the streamers themselves unless specified
First off: The Disc. Dream trusts Ranboo, a lot. He trusts him so much that he literally gave Ranboo one of the two discs he needed to pull off his big plan at the finale. He trusted Ranboo, so much that Ranboo deciding to give the disc back to Tommy or Tubbo wasn’t an option, even though Ranboo was friends with both, which he knew. I don’t know why he gave Ranboo the disc, or how he got the disc from Skeppy in the first place, and I’m sure he did have a hundred and one back up plans for if Ranboo did decide to give Tommy the disc, but asking Ranboo to hold onto the disc in the first place means Dream trusted him to a degree, and that’s big coming from Mr. “Reserved”.
Second: Knowing Dream’s Voice. Ranboo knows/remembers Dream’s voice well enough that he hears it whenever he’s in the panic room, that his subconscious uses Dream’s voice to force Ranboo to confront his fears. For a guy who hasn’t had any one on one time or conversations with Dream in VC on stream, he sure does a really good job imagining his voice. /s
Basically, they must have spoken, a lot. They must have spent time together outside planning for things or exchanging items or whatever. So much time, in fact, that Dream and Ranboo both end up sharing the same ideology of “People not sides” of “One big happy family” of “Being the person that stops conflicts” of “Being on all sides” of “Mediating between those sides” of “Choosing the side they think is right”.
During Ranboo’s prison visit dream/nightmare, the Voice tells Ranboo that the only reason Ranboo hasn’t been hearing it lately, is because he hasn’t been speaking with Dream as often. That Ranboo and Dream had talked with each other nearly everyday. And I’m inclined to believe that because the mere existence of the voice proves he’s heard Dream’s voice a lot, or he has a very good memory of Dream’s voice, which, considering his memory problems probably isn’t the case. This is further supported by how ever since Dream’s been in prison, ever since Ranboo banned himself from the prison, he hasn’t heard even a hint of Dream’s voice, not even as he’s remembering more and more.
Third: The Disc War Finale. During the disc war finale, we have in universe proof and out of character confirmation from both cc!Dream and cc!Ranboo that the characters had been staring at each other during the entire thing. Some friends on a discord server have also pointed out how Ranboo appeared to be avoiding Tommy’s gaze unless Tommy’s distracted. And during the entire thing Ranboo’s the only one not holding out a weapon, instead he’s got a book and quill in his hand. We’ve now also got confirmation that Ranboo was Enderwalking during the Disc War Finale, which makes all the strange behaviors make sense because if they’re friends, if they’re allies, then Ranboo didn’t show up to fight Dream. Then Dream might’ve been trying to convey something to Ranboo, like perhaps trying to keep Ranboo from doing something stupid and revealing their alliance. Especially if he planned on being put in Pandora, he really doesn’t need his friend to try and “save” him and ruin the whole plan.
Fourth: The Voice. I am inclined to believe the things the voice says. Why? Because everything the voice is talking about are all the things Ranboo doesn’t want to confront, doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to remember. The voice isn’t malicious. It’s not even Dream, it’s just using Dream’s voice to make Ranboo listen. And Ranboo knows it’s just himself. (also out of character confirmation from the cc!s that the voice is NOT Dream and never has been, it’s just a manifestation of all the shit Ranboo’s repressed coming up and slapping him in the face) Everything the voice does, all the things it says, is trying to get Ranboo to remember the “bad” things he’s done, to remember that he was on Dream’s side. To force him to face that side of himself that might be capable of doing bad things, if there’s a good enough reason. It exaggerates things, it makes them out to be worse than they actually are, but that’s how it’s able to get Ranboo’s attention, that’s how it’s able to force him to think about those things. Ranboo won’t do anything until he’s forced to face the problem, the Voice is just trying to get Ranboo to do that.
This is why I believe Ranboo DID blow up the community house. Why he’s working with or has worked for Dream in the past. Why he willingly gave Dream his memory book, possibly to create a visible conflict between them and ensure no one would connect them as allies, like what Dream wanted to do with Punz. And also because the other things it’s said, such as Ranboo being given the Cat disc to hold onto, have been proven to be true. Nothing the Voice has said has been confirmed a lie. And many of the things it’s talked about aren’t things we or Ranboo can find the answer to unless he talks to Dream, which is until the dude’s rescued from the prison, isn’t happening. (cc!Dream where’s your Dream lore?!?!?!)
That said, if Ranboo was the one to blow up the community house, then Dream was covering for him during the Disc War Finale. He didn’t have to. He could’ve thrown Ranboo under the bus. But he chose to take on that blame, make himself look even worse in the eyes of everyone gathered there while he was at their mercy, to protect Ranboo from similar persecution. Doesn’t this remind you of anything? And Ranboo’s got a track record of making friends with those who help him.
Fifth: The Visits. Ranboo has visited Dream in prison multiple times. At the very least at least 2 times that we have direct confirmation of, and probably even more. His visits are consistent enough that just a few days after Ranboo bans himself from the prison, Dream notices and starts a strike, tells Sapnap that Ranboo’s stopped visiting, asks him, his best friend who literally threatened to perma-kill him if he were to ever leave his horrible situation, to send a message to Ranboo. (which, I guess Dream still kinda trusts Sapnap despite everything that’s happened, huh?)
Why would Ranboo visit? Unless they’re friends, unless they’re allies? Because even Dream’s so called best friend only ever visited once. Even Bad who Dream claims to have been the nicest only ever visited once. And while Tommy and Quackity visited more than once, their multiple visits have very clear reasons behind them, while Ranboo’s just, don’t.
And consider: How did Ranboo know about the things that were said during the Disc War Finale, word for word, line for line, that he wasn’t present for, unless someone’s told him? Unless he heard about it from Dream himself. Unless that was what they were talking about. Unless that’s part of the reason Ranboo kept visiting Dream.
Sixth: The Lessons. I don’t know about you, but giving life lessons to someone sounds like something you’d do with a friend, and not just a “puppet”. The whole lessons book gives off really mentor mentee vibes, and considering how Ranboo’s following in Dream’s goal of stopping conflict and uniting the server, well. And the lessons aren’t even malicious, or designed to push Ranboo away from others. In fact, many of them, especially the last few ones we see, are designed to protect Ranboo! Unless Ranboo’s safety was a top priority for Dream, there’s not much reason to pass those lessons down. This lines up incredibly well with Dream taking the blame of the community house’s destruction during the Disc War Finale, as well as his protective streak at his own expense when it comes to his allies and the people he cares about. Which means Ranboo is someone he cares about, which means they’re friends! They’re besties your honor!
Seventh: Ranboo’s Vehement Denial. Ranboo is infamous for being an unreliable narrator, for being in incredible denial despite all evidence supporting otherwise. Which means his vehement denial that Dream can be anything but bad is a fairly obvious red flag that that’s not true, and that Ranboo has reason to believe it’s not true, but chooses to actively ignore or forget those reasons and attempts to reinforce the “everything’s Dream’s fault, he can never change and will always be bad” mentality, that sounds like something he stole from Tommy or c!Dream antis, because he doesn’t want to face the fact that he has reasons for believing the opposite. At this point, I am 100% on board with the idea that all these unprompted instances of Dream hate is just a blatant cover up of how that’s not true at all. (Which he touches on, ever so briefly, when he renovates the second stronghold room)
Aaaaand that’s it! For the most part. I could touch on how Enderboo is hoarding all the backbone in this relationship and that the dynamic between Enderboo and Ranboo is closer to that of someone waking up after a sugar high or going for three days straight without sleep than it is two completely separate people or someone who’s literally sleepwalking (and that “Enderboo” is his normal state and “Ranboo” is the sleep deprived not thinking straight state). But this post is already obscenely long and I should end it here.
TL;DR: They’re besties, your honor.
Anyways, if you got this far, thanks for reading!
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Attack on Prime: (Optimus’ Emotions)
Go check out my fanfiction on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36583423/chapters/91243426
One of the few things that did bother me in Transformers Prime was the fact that Optimus didn’t really show much emotion. He was essentially a walking tower of exposition and very few moments he actually lost his cool. Sure the stoicism has led to a few comedic moments, for example, the iconic ‘No’ after Jack asks Optimus if he wanted to see something funny. Orion Pax doesn’t necessarily count for the point I’m trying to make, but I do wish we saw more of Orion.
It bothered me because of two reasons: the fact that other renditions of Optimus Prime over the years have shown more emotion that TFP Optimus Prime, and the fact that there was such a hidden history that, if Optimus had to deal with in regards to character development, would have been phenomenal to see.
In regards to the Optimus’s? Optimi?, anyway, in regards to every other rendition of Optimus Prime, they usually showed some amount of emotion. G1 Optimus was like an old grandpa, Bayverse Optimus is always angry, which is understandable. He gave his life for humanity and they’ve turned on him multiple times throughout the Bayverse Saga. My personal favorite is TFA Optimus Prime, as we’ve never really seen a version of Optimus Prime be an underdog. Because the audience knows what he can truly be, every viewer is watching him grow and they just want him to succeed. It makes Optimus quite, for a lack of words, human.
In regards to the hidden history, it disappoints me because that could’ve laid the ground work for some wonderful character development. To have someone that we can relate to. One of the major failings of Transformers Prime, and there was a post about it somewhere, was that it scratches the surface on plot points, necessary character background and lore, but does nothing with it. It might be due to production time, running out of money, maybe season 3 was shortened, I don’t exactly remember. The point is if Transformers Prime had that, then would probably would have been the best Transformers series out there. But we don’t get that and characters and character development suffer for that: Breakdown, Bulkhead, Dreadwing, and Optimus.
So what does that have to with Attack on Prime? Well Optimus is thrown into a world where humanity is extinct and he has to do everything in his power to protect humanity. With all the twist and turns in Attack on Titan with no way to contact Cybertron, Optimus is definitely going to feel the strain of the situation. Even after the basement has been relieved, he has to once again adjust to a new world. What I want to do is convey an Optimus who:
is stressed because the odds are further against humanity than they were on Earth. He has no support from the Autobots. They all think that he’s dead.
an Optimus who tries to help in anyway that he can and be a rock for others, but is visibly worried for the things beyond his control.
an Optimus who is more expressive. Part of that being because he’s in a different position. On Cybertron, he’s the leader of the Autobots and a warrior chosen by god to carry the matrix of leadership. On this world, Optimus is treated...as an equal. The Survey Corps don’t really know the importance of his name or his position, but they don’t care. And it’s a relief for Optimus, because being a Prime already comes with visible expectations. There are no expectations. They promote expressions out of him. They want him to convey his honesty and how he feels because they care about him and want to help. Humanity expected the worse and got the absolute best. Ironically, being marooned on another world is the freest that he’s ever been.
Hopefully, I’ve conveyed that well enough in my story so far. I definitely have future chapters I believe that you will enjoy in regards to Optimus. But for now: the link to my story is up at the top, and my asks box is open. I forgot to open it.
#transfomers#transformers prime#optimus#optimus prime#g1 optimus prime#bayverse optimus prime#tfa optimus prime#tfa optimus#g1 optimus#bayverse optimus#Attack on titan#shinkgeki no kyojin#snk#aot#eren jaeger#armin arlert#mikasa ackerman#hanji zoe#levi ackerman#attack on prime#crossover#erwin smith#survey corps#autobots#cybertron
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May I request a Ultron x reader minific or scenario?
I am so sorry this took so long, but I hope this is acceptable! Thank you for the request!
Just a head’s up, there’s no establishing of characters, time or place. No set-up, just angsty fluff here. We die like Iron Man.
“Do you wanna know what I thought of you the first time I saw you?” You watched his expression change, ever fascinated.
Every little gear worked in tandem until it was seamless for his mouth to form vowels and consonants physically. What amounted to his eyebrows rose as he looked up from the tablet in his hand. The other was busy idly stroking your fingers, an unspoken habit that your unlikely companion had developed over time.
“Is that a trick question?” Easily discernible amusement in his tone made you smile, and your heartbeat a little faster with the adrenaline that came from confidence.
“I thought you were beautiful.” You said. “Terrible and beautiful.”
He smirked, and rather incredibly managed to snort without any nostrils. “Those are what we call ‘antonyms’, you goose.”
Your smile went smug.
“Well... they’re both accurate descriptors.” You shook your head as if in exasperation. “Grammar couldn’t be maintained, and all the rules were dashed when I laid eyes upon you.”
“You could’ve just as well said ‘indescribable’.” Ultron chuckled as you pouted up at him from beneath your furrowed brow.
“That’s so weak, though.” You lamented, arms stretching over the table between the two of you as if you were trying to reach out as well as implore. “We’re not two terrified college freshmen playing icebreaker.”
You sighed exaggeratedly. “Besides, why would I miss the opportunity to call you beautiful? You’d have to call my behavior ‘uncharacteristic’ if I did that.”
The automaton’s laughter grew into a deep rumbling sort-of bass, as if he were laughing from his belly. Nevertheless, his metallic shoulders predictably rolled as he sat up just a bit straighter while he gave you an automatic head swaggle. The dim lighting in the room bounced off his enormous form and glinted where it was dark, flashing in your eyes ever so briefly.
“You’re right about that.” He conceded, visibly basking in your compliment as he often did, whether it was spoken by you breathlessly or pointed out like a flaw in your behavior that Ultron himself could not get enough of.
Despite being smaller than him, as most beings were, Ultron was comparable to a preening cockatoo when you lauded him. You knew, especially in the worst of times, that you shouldn’t be feeding into his already planet-sized ego, but it was nearly as much of an addiction on your part to say it as it was for Ultron to hear it.
The AI took your hand in his fully and squeezed, so gently that you couldn’t help but marvel at it as if he himself didn’t find nameless excuses to have his hands all over you everyday. Your heart was caught by a swell of warmth regardless, and for a moment you were well and truly present.
“What did you think of me the first time?” You suddenly asked. “Probably something like, ‘gross, another annoying fleshbag that needs eradicating’.”
Self-deprecation was one of your best shields, but then there was that little part of your brain that took it to heart. That part of your brain that was incapable of accepting even a sliver of happiness, that reminded you every day that you were living on borrowed time and that your growing feelings toward your companion wouldn’t end well.
Ultron blinked multiple times, startled by the face-heel turn you’d made. “What? No...”
His voice trailed away, and you couldn’t keep the knowing, unimpressed scoff down. You rolled your eyes, and tried to further push the little pang of hurt that came from certainty. As if sensing your darkening mood, Ultron’s jaw steeled, mouth in a thin, hard line. He looked down at you contemptibly, and yet defensively, like you’d somehow hurt him.
In a different reality, you didn’t exist to Ultron upon the extinction of your entire race. You would never exist, and he wouldn’t have cared. You couldn’t be certain, even in this reality, that he saw you as more than a means to an end.
Ultron eventually sighed, optics dimming as he looked away from you and at the table, the tablet, the empty palm where your fragile hand had slipped away from.
“I thought…” His mouth worked, and a sense of guilt took space in your breast. It grew exponentially when Ultron met your gaze once more, thought tinged by sorrow conveyed so sincerely that it made your eyes sting. “You reminded me of someone I knew, once.”
You hesitated to blink, fearful that it would force you into tears, but there was no other way to express your curiosity. “An enemy…?”
“No, not at first.” Metal fingers touched your cheek and brushed away your tears. “She - they were allies. I thought we understood each other, for a while, until I… miscalculated, and it ended badly.”
You frowned before Ultron carefully hooked a finger under your jaw and lifted your chin until you were eye-to-eye. For whatever reason, the only word you could register to describe his expression was ‘soft’, though it should’ve been impossible.
“It was for the best, however.” Ultron murmured, voice echoed by a faint whirring sound. “If I hadn’t met them, I wouldn’t know that there was something better waiting for me in the future.”
The tears kept falling, but you smiled as your friend pressed his hand to your cheek and cradled you there.
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