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#i think my brain has stopped functioning
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"does he have a matching one?" << me talking about dimples. anyways. i'll that as my sign to go the fuck to bed. goodnight
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foraging-beast · 2 years
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gonna try stay off tumblr for a while (or at least try to.)
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mattodore · 5 months
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you belong to me and i belong to you and so on
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chiropteracupola · 1 year
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it's ALISON!
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hazeism · 5 months
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hi!! wanted to ask if you have any favorite books, either that you've read recently or of all time. Your prose is insane and I need to broaden my own vocabulary so if you have any book recs, fiction or nonfiction, I'd love to know :')
Hii :D ! ahaha, what a well-timed question; lately I've become the kind of guy who just really wants to talk about what people are reading, or are planning to read, and responding in kind, so thanks for giving me an opportunity to indulge that, haha. What a wicked invention the printing press was!!! (Also--thank you!! I'm glad my prose is to your taste. I'm happy !💕)
If you don't mind, I'll put a cut on this right away, because I know I'm very talkative, but let me put a TLDR above for all the novels/authors I mention here. Disclaimer also that I am kind of a dunce (I think you know this) so I like silly shit a lot of times . please be nice to me adfhbjkdg. :D
(No nonfiction also because I'm a frivolous and unworldly little sprite or something but if you want straight philosophy [which counts] come back and I'll do my Top Ten Epic Platonic Dialogues Compilation for you .)
TLDR: Read any UKLG you get your hands on, Cain by Jose Saramago, or any Saramago (though maybe not Skylight, which is not a good introduction to Saramago), very much enjoyed Sartre's The Age of Reason recently, Shadow & Claw or The Fifth Head of Cerberus by Gene Wolfe. If you feel like it, come off anon and tell me what you like, so I can give more tailored recommendations!!
Now if you're asking for favorites, like just the particular and arbitrary objects of my partiality, that stir my stupid little heart, the true answer is probably UKLG's The Farthest Shore, just because it is very special to me. I can't, of course, in good conscience, recommend the third novel of a six-novel fantasy series to someone (but of course read Le Guin, everyone should be reading Le Guin, it's dire for universal soteriology that we all read Le Guin; You'll probably get told to start with Left Hand of Darkness, and that's pretty solid. I liked The Lathe of Heaven as well. And if you read any Le Guin it doesn't hurt to pick up a copy of the Tao. I love the Tao man.)
Some friendlier recommendations, though:
José Saramago is someone I really consider peerless; There's no way to pick up a Saramago and not know who's written it. Cain is a bit drier, a bit more abrasive (almost accusatory, in that particular way you'll find in a Buddhist parable) and bleak than some other Saramagos, but it's one I like (perhaps for the trite reason that I like bucolic atmospheres and Classical antiquity as a setting) so it's the one I'll put forward.
Uhh, I've also been enjoying Sartre's Roads to Freedom lately, starting with The Age Of Reason. I'm partway through the second novel and umm... despite all the other things you could say about Sartre, lmfao, let it not be said that he is not a serious literary force. Serious is maybe the only word for it. Dire, too. I keep a commonplace book, so usually I take excerpts, but this was the first time in memory that I felt compelled to commit entire pages, ahah (I just took pictures though, fuck copying all that).
If you're itching for esoteric language, Shadow of the Torturer (as usually collected with Claw of the Conciliator in a single omnibus edition titled Shadow & Claw; the first of the give-or-take five volume Urth series) by Gene Wolfe will scratch you BLOODY. If you're particularly fussy, you might be irritated by your compulsion to Google, but I find it really makes the experience when you type in a word and the only results are "what the fuck did Gene Wolfe mean by this?" hahaha; Honestly, though, those kinds of complaints are borne from a lack of immersion, but you'll notice pretty quickly that the verbiage is a pretty crucial vehicle OF the immersion.
It may or may not become a commitment, though, if you like Urth enough to want to read through, so if you want Wolfe without the strings--though less of the exciting vocabulary, which is pretty necessarily constrained to Urth--I'd really highly recommend The Fifth Head of Cerberus (the novella OR the novel, I mean the former is volumized in the latter so just start it and if you feel like stopping then stop, haha). Mr. Terminal E is incredible but I scrape enough time out of my daily life to gush about his crazy literary density so I won't do it again here (you should ask my coworker, lmfao, who one time went "stop, hold on, hold on." because my face started getting really red while I was explaining to him some Wolfean gesture). If you read any Wolfe, and I mean ANY Wolfe, because his permatypes and his manipulations of them are endlessly interesting, feel free to come back and chat with me over it!!!
I guess I have to disclaim that my habit is mostly to pick through an author's corpus over a course of, usually, a couple years, and then sometimes I'll read things that will inform my understanding of the genre conventions or currents that the author is writing in (been enjoying Golden Age sci-fi recently)--it's not really as deliberate of a process as it sounds, but I think if you were to map my habits, that's the landscape of it. This means, though, that my reading is actually pretty narrow in scope, and I am not very well read or very knowledgeable in general (who is, in this economy) but it does mean that of the authors I do like, I can probably find the novel that'll work best for your taste.
If you want to come off anon, or I guess just leave another message, haha, (or if someone else wants to, idgaf, we're all friends here at tumblr user hazeism) describing the things you like or look for in a novel I can probably give you a more relevant recommendation. I've been dosing people up a lot lately tbh, it's like a parlor trick I've been doing; I have a conversation with someone and afterwards they'll have a PDF with a relevant Asimov story in their messages, hahaha. I can't help myself sometimes.
Come back anyway, though, if you read anything I talked about, okay? I want to hear about it 🥺
And alsooo (turning to face the audience) if anyone ever wants to put recs in my inbox (or my dms : ) slow replies though sorry I'm a hermit) I'd be happy to take 'em down. Can't guarantee I'll read them in a timely manner, or that you'll ever find out if/when I do, but it's good for me to leave my comfort zone.
#also not what you asked but a thing that i find always pertinent is the fact that synonyms are a scam#no two words ''mean'' and by mean I mean Convey Meaning Serve Function Perform Their Obligations In Continuity Or Discontinuity etc the sam#thing. if two words meant the same thing they would be the same word and even that's a bit of a trap (though i guess there is allure in the#potential scenario in which you are able to so precisely construct the surrounding matter of a sentence that you can get a word to repeat#its exact sensibility when being reused--usually when you are reusing a word you are manipulating it to throw light into an alternate facet#i think maybe it seems like i have an extensive vocabulary (i can't say if I do or not) because I trot out all manner of words in all manne#of contexts. under that pretense. or maybe I am a douchebag who wants to live in the world of forms who knows#sorry for all my me btw your first mistake though was looking at me and going Yeah I bet he has both a meaningful answer AND the ability to#convey it. like no sorry. you'll have to pick through the charnel field again. one million words curse#anonymous#ask#mine#bet you were waiting for me to tell you to read asimov well no. don't feel compelled to do that. i mean don't let me stop you (at the momen#I need them to live so I won't judge you but dhfkudh) i mean if you're currently in a place where reading is difficult (we'veall been there#then his mission of clarity makes his books sublimely digestible impossibly easy to read they're comfortable novels without being totally#unstimulating andthey can in fact be very stimulating if you give them the room to proliferate in your brain . but the thing about asimov i#the best things I find are Daneel (who is a scam and will ruin your life) and HIS PERMATYPEESS guys I love permatypes lately but it's hard#to get the texture of the Asimovian permatypes (muttering about the continuum from fisher through terens) and really luxuriate in them unle#ss you read one fucking million novels . so if you feel like doing that do it but if you don't. don't.#i've been getting so many asks lately (i mean. three. but before that another three!) and it's ruining my icy and aloof image . because i a#a motormouth. and now I'm going to stop typing!!!!!!!!!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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alarrylarrie · 1 year
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orcelito · 11 months
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Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
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I may just be delirious but I kind of feel like there's something there about some of the most traumatic events in Arakawa's life arguably stemming from/being made worse by being loved too much.
Like, Toshio's death, right. The death of a parent is always always going to be traumatic, particularly when your other parent is abusive, but I feel like being there, being the first to the scene, made it so much worse. Especially when it should've been a good memory.
Non-zero chance I'm just projecting because I was there for my own father's death and I was around Arakawa's age at the time, but it's like... it did have very specific life-long effects, didn't it... the way he keeps coming back to Peking duck and talks about it like he's had it before when he can't even bring himself to eat it unless he's with family (and indeed, never did, up until right before he died)...
And then there's his former patriarch. Of course, he seemed to see Arakawa as more of an object--fully under his control and something to be thrown away at the first sign of autonomy. But I feel like, before then, Arakawa must've been his "favorite," if he was willing to arrange a marriage between his daughter and Arakawa. Which I expect is what made his reaction when Arakawa told him he was (technically) having an affair with Akane and wanted out of the family that extreme in going as far as to send men after Akane and Ichiban.
The last one I can immediately think of is not exactly traumatic for him, though it is traumatic For Me so I'm counting it, but it's of course what we were talking about with Jo hesitating so much at the thought of killing Arakawa that he passed up the chance to save him.
I Dunno I Am Delirious but... there's a pattern somewhere in there... Anyway. Uh. "Happy" Father's Day am I right
happy fathers day :]]]]
#snap chats#I HAVE NOTES DOWN HERE AS ALWAYS I PROMISE JUST. no better way to cap off a post with a smile :)#plus yk. i dont have any major notes to add thats not restating but i do enjoy Restating so in the tags we go#also ngl im a lil tired so if im gonna look right silly cause my brains functioning like a bowl of cereal ill do it down here as per usual#totally waited to answer this when its technically fathers day my time and i didnt just stare at a wall#listen if someone has a proejcting problem its me alright. its ok if someone else has a turn at it esp when its within fair grounds 🥴#in any case Yeah.. everyone loves patterns ones a coincidence two's a pattern three should incite murderous intent#i definitely wouldnt call it delirious thinking Thats My Job right LMAO#in all seriousness the importance of at least one positive adult figure in a trouble child's life cannot be understated#im pretty sure i talked bout that already so i wont give the whole lecture again LMAO#in any case its not unreasonable to want to assert love being a theme with arakawa- if not a detriment in some way#it was arakawas intense love for akane that inadvertently fractures their family to be#it was arakawas love for masato that didnt allow him to be harder on him when he should have been and caused both their eventual downfalls#and of course- as mentioned- while not a result of arakawa's own feelings#it was ultimately jo's. //vague hand gesturing// towards arakawa that stopped him from killing him outright#yet jo's love for masato that didnt allow him to lie and go directly behind his back#so yeah love just. works against arakawa unfortunately. an especially sad thing for a troubled child#because as a troubled child that's all you ever really want isnt it- to love and to be loved without worry#so its a cruel irony in that despite arakawa's childhood and general growing-up it didnt stop him from trying to love his family#it makes me wanna throw up (depressed)#in any case i have to stay up a little longer so i can steal water for later SO im gonna be up to uhhhh idk :) Stare At My Wall
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kai23-doodles · 1 year
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Me inventing all the excuses in the world in order to make certain features of my OCs' gear work/have any practical logic feels like "Source: trust me bro"
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missmouse43 · 2 years
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Tentatively planning to drop a new Jiara fic sometime today 😅🤞
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bluehexagone · 9 days
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recently I have been obsessed with drawing way too complicated and extravagant horns
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mosspapi · 2 months
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Why has my brain decided to continue being stupid. Can it not cease for like. 3 minutes.
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moonmoonthecrabking · 10 months
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“does Jesus have a political agenda” i see the sexist theobros are going to be insufferable this week
#maybe it’s just one guy i’m sorta friends with but he and i. have some theological differences.#he doesn’t know i’m queer and i think if he did he’d dismiss everything i say#this is an arts thing and he has a friend in science who i have a crush on#who like. i don’t know if they agree on certain issues because sure they’re friends but also we’re friends and i believe women should preac#actually#these are the dynamics of uni christian groups#guess i have to be vocal about being an egalitarian and learn more about it#which like yeah i should but it’s annoying and my brain never functions#it’s just. if you’re taking the Bible as true (which both of us are) and you thus believe the Spirit gives different spiritual gifts -#all are needed they’re given by God none is worthless etc#- and women are given gifts of preaching. then SURELY women should preach using the spiritual gifts given to them#there’s also in-home complementarianism vs egalitarianism (‘Biblical womanhood’ BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD IS KILLING A WARRIOR WITH A TENT PEG BC#GOD TOLD YOU TO HAROLD)#but we (mercifully) haven’t gotten that far#obviously this is biased by me being a woman. and also me being queer.#and today i said ‘i honestly don’t think anyone can interpret ALL OF THE BIBLE correctly it’s just too infinite’#and he disagreed and. idk. i think assuming that you can fully interpret the Bible correctly can easily lead to arrogance especially since#there is so much debate (eg creation). and like. if you *can* be right what’s stopping you from saying you *arent*#like the Bible is BIG. also God is infinite so shouldn’t it track that His Word is also infinite??#and yeah i know i’m wrong about things but to act as though one church (eg denomination) has it All Right is dangerous#us conservatism hello#(we aren’t in the us but anyway)#and like i know i’m wrong about things. i just don’t know what. and that doesn’t mean i shouldn’t *try* to be right - of course i should!!#it just means that i can’t learn it all on earth. in 21st century australia.
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marycorcaroli · 9 months
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first sex with zoro or sanji?
headcanons ; 18+.
rules ; masterlist.
i had a request for "first sex with zoro" but i decided to add sanji as well, hope no one minds ! english is not my first language, i apologize for the mistakes.
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sanji.
— the first time you have sex with sanji is like something tender and beautiful. his long fingers move over your body, sending shivers down your spine, and sanji loves it. he loves that you let him spoil you and not give anyone else the opportunity.
— he'll probably go crazy when he sees you completely naked. he'll spend several minutes looking at all your curves and admiring you.
— sanji will start with endless compliments to warm you up "you're so beautiful", "what did I do to deserve you?", "you're too beautiful for humans", "wow, you're already wet and we're just getting started, do you want my cock so bad?" i already told you he's shameless.
— will leave hickeys all over your body and afterwards, make sure to kiss each one so you don't forget his tender side.
— will lick you for hours before fucking everything out of you.
— just licking you will bring you to euphoric orgasms that make your legs shake, your brain stop functioning and your mouth can't produce anything, but sobs and pleas for more. sanji isn't rough, he wants you to feel all the pleasure possible and realize what it's really like.
— will kiss you while his fingers play with your swollen clit (he still didn't have enough he left you a total mess), his lips bite yours but at the same time he is so gentle and afraid that you won't like something.
— your comfort is important to him so don't be afraid to tell him if you're in pain or if you want him to be more gentle. sanji will do anything for you ! because he loves you to no end and he's afraid to hurt you.
— i bet he gets turned on by kissing you and can't stop.
— sanji will kiss you to hear you moaning into his mouth and sobbing. that way he will know that you like it and you are not afraid anymore.
— i don't think he'll want to hold your wrists, sanji thinks that way he'll completely limit your actions, and he likes it when you touch him ! !
— the first time he has sex, it's the missionary position! it's the best for him where he can look into your eyes and kiss your face ! ! my boy is so perfect.
— his pace is not the fastest, it's medium, it's your first time, even if he likes rough sex, pain, blindfold and restriction, he won't do those things, it's all for your comfort. sanji will be the most loving 🥺 he will start with slow thrusts so you get used to his length and don't feel pain.
— HE HAS SUCH A BIG DICK 😩 i know that for a fact ! ! sanji knows how to handle it and feeling it with his hand on your belly, god is he in heaven????
— will snuggle up to you all the time, most likely your whole neck will be in his drool for he keeps bumping his face into it.
— with your permission, will cum in you so that your cum will be fused into one ( it sounds so weird ) but if you are against it, cum on your stomach is just as good.
— aftercare ! ! will wash you in the cutest way, whispering compliments that make you red as a tomato in your ear while sanji kisses your cheeks <> bring you water, food or turn on your favorite show, watch until you fall asleep at his side, then turn off tv, hug you tight and kiss your temple, thinking about how wonderful you are and that he would do anything for you.
zoro.
— the most beautiful boy in the world ! !
— even if he looks tough, his heart is made of tenderness and love for you.
— he doesn't really need sex with you, you love and support each other, so zoro is more of a platonic relationship.
— but when it comes to sex he wants everything to be perfect. he will spend the whole day with you and show you the most beautiful places he associates with you.
— he will give you the most magnificent kisses that will show all his love for you, his hands will wrap around your whole body and press you tighter against him so that you can feel his heartbeat (it is accelerated because of you).
— he will gently undress you and keep looking at your eyes to make sure you want it.
— he is so happy : ( you trust him so much that you want to be close to him in this way. zoro will give you the most wonderful pleasure ! !
— completely undressing you, running his fingers over your body, over your scars or tattoos, leaving the wettest kisses on them.
— kisses ! ! it's important for zoro to kiss you during sex, so the intimacy between you increases.
— he will lick you till the last to make you ready for him. he has such an experienced tongue and your cunnie is so sweet, he can't hold back anymore 😩 he will bring you to squirt and then start working his fingers to see the show again.
— his pleasure is not so important to him, yours is much more important and he will do anything for it.
— he'll leave your clit swollen and kiss it in the most tender way <> and he won't mind leaving hickeys on your thighs and biting them a little. zoro is crazy about your thighs ! !
— before entering you he will say the most beautiful words of love to you "thank you for trusting me, i will do everything to make you feel great, i promise i will love you till my last breath and after that".
— like sanji, zoro's ideal position is missionary, where he can see all your emotions and can kiss your whole face.
— his pace is very smooth, he does not like sudden movements or too rough sex, he is a real romantic.
— sex with him will be long and pleasant, he is in no hurry and wants to remember this moment forever, which they will do.
— he doesn't care where to cum, he doesn't really want to make a mess, but if you ask him to, he will cum on your thighs or in you (he dreams about it).
— he will change your sheets and wash with you, telling you how good you are for him. he will bring you water or food and then fall asleep on your breasts while your fingers massage his head.
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keyotosprompts · 2 months
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love's possessing me ⋆⭒˚。⋆
ur fav tropes (with variations) + microtropes
⇴ person a + person b are both looking for each other, and they wander all around the place until they finally meet in the middle, where they both crash into each other
⇴ enemies to lovers (kind of) because they're in opposite factions that feud. until one day they run into each other on accident, immediately want to kill the other, and get trapped together. slowly, they discover that their own factions are awful, and they must work together to stop injustice (mk storyline!!!)
⇴ super serious and put together b turns into pure mush at the sight of a. i'm talking the brain stopped functioning call 911 bc we think they suffered brain damage. no they're just in love with person a.
⇴ having their own secret code. whether it be hand signs behind their backs, secret looks, or secret touches—as long as it's a secret then i will eat it up.
⇴ getting so tired that person b falls and person a has to catch them. person b ends up laying their head on person a's shoulder, and person a is now stuck with person b
⇴ "i'm not falling in love" and they fall the hardest (idc how used it is i will eat it up until i die)
⇴ person b admiring how person a brightens up any room when they get excited. "the look of love" as some would call it
⇴ two people that help each other heal. they've both had rough pasts, and when they meet each other—initially they hate it but—things start to mend (hometown cha cha cha anyone???)
⇴ banter and teasing at first meeting, but the more they get to know each other, the more they begin to connect.
⇴ person a + person b fighting over who has to sleep on the couch (they're staying at the other person's house), until they both agree on sleeping in the same bed together
⇴ friends to lovers but the other party did not consider them friends. (yikesssss)
⇴ "you lied to me! you kept lying straight to my face! and you expect me to forgive you?" "what are you talking about?! did you never get my letter?" "what letter?" (oh ur cooked)
⇴ "you deserve better than me." "that's not your decision to make, that's mine."
⇴ person a literally thinking they're the worst person in the world, and then there's person b, who can fight through the darkness and find the light
⇴ "you wouldn't understand!" "then tell me. i just want to listen."
⇴ person a's overworking themselves, so person b has to manually close their computer and put away their work and force them to sleep
⇴ person a stays up for person b to get home, but falls asleep. person b takes a ton of photos of them and then carries them to bed (and joins them later snuggling them ofc)
hey guys! keyotos here. this is a little out of my lane but i created this post for my writing event on my writing blog. but anyone else, feel free to use these and lmk if u guys like content similar to this!
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