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#i think the characters feel better in this part. its weird. im not sure how to describe it

mysterycitrus · 3 months

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I keep hearing people say to ignore Devin Grayson’s Nightwing but I also see people reference it. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. Should I avoid it or read it? Are there specific issue I should avoid or read? is the avoiding advice only for people who are new to the comics? Or should I really just avoid the whole thing?

short answer — u do not have to read devin graysons nightwing run. i wouldn’t recommend it to new readers, and there isn’t anything significantly important that happens so like. it’s an easy pass. i do encourage people to at least read what she wrote about, though, because devin accidentally kickstarted the next twenty or so years of bad writing in nightwing books.

the long answer — devin grayson was a writer for nightwing volume 2 from like….. issue #70ish to #115ish. she did a lot of weird things during her run — her takes on dick’s relationships with bruce and slade and helena come to mind — but the most popular talking points wrt her writing are issue 93 and maaaaybe the renegade arc but that is literally the tip of shit mountain.

it’s funny u say that people are telling u not to read it cause based on my experience in fandom it is very, very clear that very few people have read any of the run at all, or even #93 and it’s preceding issues. which is fine, because it’s bad. but it’s important to understand why it’s bad, and how it’s affected dicks characterisation in both canon and fanon.

nightwing #93 is the issue people say to avoid because it features dick’s assault at the hands of a former ally that devin refused to acknowledge was rape until like… 2014. it’s bad. the build up to this point — haleys is set on fire, dicks apartment is destroyed killing everyone inside, dick watches this ally kill a man on his behalf while he is helpless to stop her — is rarely discussed in the context of the scene. it’s a lot, but because people haven’t read it they misunderstand the dynamics that devin had created.

the worst parts about nightwing in the present — his lack of conviction and competence, his sexualisation and dehumanisation, the fundamental lack of empathy for his retconned bg as a poc — all started with devin. literal ground zero. i cannot emphasise how her i incapability to understand that she’d written an assault arc with her self insert as the instigator has played into dick’s status as a character in the 2020s. many people accidentally engage with the same tired, racist tropes that devin herself contributed to, because people simply do not know (or care to know) what she’d written. think about much fanon content revolves around dick being an accessory to his own assault, or being literally unable to advocate for himself, or relying on jason fucking todd to kill his rapist. it’s like im rereading nightwing vol 2 all over again, and that’s not a good thing.

however what people also tend to forget about is the racism. devin grayson introduced dick having rromani heritage into canon, sure, but she did it because she thought it was sexy. we see this with her writing for roy’s navajo heritage too — a lack of research and care, though dick’s was clearly egregiously fetishistic. she retconned the character that assaulted dick into a latina character, and retconned her into being an aggressively sexual and violent person that was at significant odds with her og characterisation. that seems to be a trend with nightwing writers — wolfman did the exact same thing like fifteen years earlier with about the same degree of nuance and empathy.

ig my answer is that nightwing vol 2 is very much a pick and choose run, make ur own adventure type experience. bizarrely, u can get better nightwing characterisation in the titans 1999 run, or batman plus arsenal, which were both also written by devin (heartbreaking, the worst person u kno just made a good point). id be wary of people telling u to avoid it entirely, because i think ignoring its existence just exacerbates the problems devin created. just be discerning, ig. but also read nightwing vol 2 #118-#124 (just after devin leaves) because it is gd hilarious

#sorry for the essay i just. have SO many opinions about nightwing 93 and how no one gd understands it like i do #dick grayson #nightwing #rape tw #dc comics #the ask and the answer

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hazshit-hotel-hater · 4 months

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I’m gonna be honest I don’t understand how people can be hazbin hotel fans and just know everything vivziepop has done and dont care or they choose to pretend they dont know so they dont have to feel guilty about it. Shocking news, you can be INCREDIBLY critical of media you enjoy parts of. I enjoy parts of this show but I’m not going to go buy shit to watch it and support some random lady using a closed religion to make her tumblr sexyman character look “scary”.

I saw someone say vivziepop misgendering someone (allegedly on accident) after getting mad, was a “nothing sandwich” which 1. No the fuck it aint. And also 2. Are you actually off your rocker nuts. I don’t give a fuck if it was an accident heat of the moment thing. Sure you can apologise for that, not me who you misgendered so I cant accept it, but misgendering anyone is never a “nothing sandwich”. Same guy also said that vivzie demonising and appropriating vodou was okay because “Alastor can do it” That… doesn’t fucking matter? VIVZIE can’t practice vodou and neither can her weird red suited deer man, sorry to burst your bubble.

I think everyone thats scrolled even a few inches on my blog (cause really thats all I have) can tell I like Angel Dust. Lots of people like Angel Dust. But apparently half of those people can’t comprehend you can dislike aspects of a character while liking other ones. I mean this directed toward fans by the way. Id sure as hell prefer if he wasn’t fucking fetishised for being a gay man but its vivziepop so literally what can I expect from the lady that makes merch glorifying his abuse. “Yes vivzie! Id love to purchase merch of a traumatic situation ive also been in! Thank you so much for making it look pretty!” I will literally eat glass and drink battery acid before any of this shit actually comes outta my mouth.

It’s so fucking weird how her spin-off show has better representation, humour, writing, and more than her actual main show. Im super glad Helluva Boss is good. Im glad there isn’t any stupid racist representations in there or overly fetishised gay men. Fizzaroli and Ozzie are a cute couple thats written very nicely but even they have elements of vivziepops unsavoury interests that you can see sometimes, but oh my god. Put some of that care into your MAIN show. I am holding out so much hope that vivzie continues the good writing of episodes 7 & 8 so much I am not going to stop noting that, but I am also fully ready to crash and burn from those hopes and that is so fucking disappointing.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel rewrite #hazbin hotel issues #hazbin hotel review #hazbin angel #angel dust #hazbin angel dust #helluva boss #helluva fizzarolli #helluva ozzie #helluva critical #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel criticism

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tswwwit · 3 months

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(sorry, this got way long, and maybe a little sappy, but i didn't want to spam with multiple asks)

so i just finished reading the most recent chapter of the cultist reincarnation au, and i love it so so much.

my personal fave part is bills little rivalry with the mini bill plush. bill waited for so long to see his husband again, and this little plush is getting all of the affection bill wants, i love it. i hope dipper keeps it around after getting all his memories back, because it is a wonderful way to tease bill. just 'fine, i'll just go hug and kiss my new, better husband!' said as dipper walks off with mini bill just to annoy bill.

after reading that chapter i started rereading the entire familiar au (or like 95% of everything that was written for it including snippits, pov changes, and multipart stories, thanks to weirdeggi's masterpost) and its so so fun and interesting seeing bill go from a demonic jackass who barely tolerates his human, to seeing him put so much time, care, and patience into making sure the cultist reincarnation of dipper feels comfortable and relaxed around him. while seeing dipper go from timid and ignorant in the beginning to confident and knowledgeable with the ability to handle all of bills tricks easily.

it's just all so good and you write the characters so so well, i love them so much. i love seeing how much they've grown and drove each other insane/sane. the world building is so well done, especially with how the magic works and affects things. i've read these stories so many times over the years and as they come out, and each new one is always a delight. no pressure on you to rush of course, please take your time, but know that any new fic or chapter you post has at least one person eager to read and enjoy it.

(the rest of this is just going to be fun questions that popped up while rereading, no pressure on answering them, i just thought of them while reading and thought they'd be fun to ask and share)

I am curious about how bill views or thinks about his 'sickness' after the events of confessing it, and if that's different from several reincarnations later. cause i know in the bill v bill fic the other bill still calls it a sickness, and while i know our bill is happy as hell, i do wonder if he still thinks its a sickness or a curse, even if its the best thing to ever happen to him.

i'd also be interested to know if dipper ever makes friends with any demons, cause like i know in confessing it he meets pyronica and she reminds him of mabel, and he kinda got along with the spider centaur demon, but it would be neat to know if he ever makes actual friends with any demons, and if those friendships 1) make bill jealous 2) last over several reincarnations

speaking of the reincarnation, i'm curious when in their relationship that those two put that plan into action. like if it was still early into their relationship or if it was as dipper got older and his days got more numbered. i know bill thinks of it kind of early on while they're together, but that doesn't mean it's put into action right away.

it would be neat to see how all bills henchmen eventually see the whole bond too. i know in confessing it they see bill acting all weird with dipper, and how much his human affects bills mood, so im sure they know its better to have him around even if for a little while. but its fun to think that later down the line when the reincarnations pop up its viewed more as 'vacation time' when the henchmen don't have to take over reality and can relax while bills off smooching his mortal.

Thanks so much; I'm really glad you've enjoyed the fic! If it's been half as fun to read as it's been to write I'll have accomplished a ton.

Okay, onto the questions:

1: Bill likely still considers it a sort of sickness/curse, but like. Not a bad one, necessarily. While his relationship is way weird for a demon, that's actually great! He's the master of weirdness! If it weirds out other beings or confuses the hell out of them, that's proof that he's the best in the biz, baby. And he's very, very happy.

2: Dipper probably does make some demon friends/acquaintances. It's only natural after multiple lifetimes running in the same circles with eternal beings. Given a friendship in one lifetime, it's likely the demons' assumption that they'll just pick back up where they left off! Neat new body, how's it suiting you? (The familiarity weirds out Dipper incarnations until they get their memories back.)

I don't think Bill's jealous of them, though. Hanging out with buddies doesn't register as 'competition' for Dipper's affections, in the same way that Dipper's not jealous of the henchmaniacs.

3: I haven't decided exactly when they settle on the reincarnation thing, but likely it's after a near-death experience. Maybe even post-whump!

4: Speaking of those henchmen! They're eventually gonna get used to Bill being hitched. Not like they have a choice in the matter; Dipper's not going anywhere.

The new status quo is pretty weird, but they knew what they were getting into in regards to 'weird' - and frankly, Bill's in a vastly better mood whenever his husband's home. Something that puts the Boss in a cheerful Fun Times Interdimensional Crimes Party mood? When he gets pissy there's a human who deals with it, rather than Bill lashing out and picking on whoever's closest? Absolutely! They're all for it! Once those Big Upsides become apparent, they're gonna be pleased to see Dipper hanging around.

#answers #Cult Dipper with his memories back absolutely 100% will storm off when miffed to go kiss and cuddle his 'better husband' (Mini-Bill)#Bill then fumes and sulks at this horrible injustice #This was long in my response but hey! Sometimes you gotta write a lot #So glad that you're enjoying my work #I gotta write more now #Onward to the document #Unless I get sidetracked by Stardew again

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hollowed-theory-hall · 2 months

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thoughts on the hp epilogue? i kinda hate it and don't really consider it canon but im curious what your opinion is.

I'm not a fan, I usually disregard it.

There are things I don't like about the epilogue and things I don't mind. My dislikes range from the usual suspects like Harry naming his son "Albus Severus" to some deeper things actually.

This ended up a bit long, so I'll add a read more here.

So, I'm going to divide this into two parts, things written in the epilogue itself, and the supposedly canon future of the characters that bother me, but technically it's not in the books and therefore easier to ignore.

Thoughts about the epilogue itself:

I actually don't mind the character dynamics between the golden trio in the epilogue, I actually like some of them (like Ron's comments about his muggle driver's test). I like Neville becoming an Herbology professor as well.

Now, for what I don't like...

The existence of the epilogue as a whole bothers me. I don't feel like the books necessarily needed one, at least not one like this. I would've preferred it to end on a hopeful note of rebuilding and changing house stereotypes and muggleborn treatment so there won't be another Voldemort. Not just jump 19 years later to show a society that didn't change any of its inherent problems (more on that in the next section). But the fact Albus is concerned about being sorted into Slytherin shows me nothing changed. House prejudice is still rampant, and the wizarding world still gawks at Harry. Ron mentions casting spells in broad daylight on a muggle for his driver's exam, so clearly muggles and the Statue of Secrecy are still a joke. It's like, complete and utter stagnation.

I also, don't actually want to see the second generation in canon. This is one of those things I think is better off to leave for fan spaces. The whole epilogue feels like a weird fanfic, it doesn't feel like a part of the books. It's even written in a different POV, that same third-person omnipotent that appears in the first chapter of books 1, 4, and 6. It just feels outside the books, I don't know how else to put it. It took me out of the story instead of leaving me satisfied with the ending.

I made it no secret I hate Dumbledore, so having Harry name his son after the two men who made his life hell, as much if not more than the Dursleys, just... it's just really gross. I hate thinking about it even.

I'm not the biggest fan of the names Hugo and Rose either, but that's my personal opinion.

The final problem I have with the epilogue itself is more subjective than the others, but also the most glaring for me, and that's Harry and Ginny. I just really didn't like them as a couple for multiple reasons that I want to make a whole post about actually (it's in the drafts, I'm working on it). But I didn't like the fact Harry married Ginny, I just really don't like them together. It's more of a me thing, and I'm sure fans who ship them together don't mind this, hence why I saved it for last, but it does bother me quite a bit.

And it's not that I dislike all of JK's canon pairings. I like Ron and Hermione, Bill and Fleur, Remus and Tonks, James and Lily — I like all of them well enough. It's Harry and Ginny that I have a problem with.

Thoughts about things JK said about the characters' futures (cursed child and Pottermore and a bit of the epilogue):

I don't like the Harry's and Hermione's careers, I think they are a disservice to the characters.

I go into more detail below about why the Ministry of Magic really really sucks, but with how the final books (5 and afterward) are all about how bad and corrupt the ministry is, it sits really wrong for me than Harry and Hermione go to work there.

And like, with as much as Harry is good in DADA and likes it, I don't think he'll actually enjoy being an Auror. Being an auror is more than just fighting dark wizards. It's filling out paperwork, dealing with bureaucracy, and having to obey his boss. Harry can't obey anyone, I can't see him working well in a hierarchical system that supports authority, it's the antithesis of a character who could resist the imperious curse on his first try because of how much he hates obeying. Personally, I think Harry should've removed the DADA teacher's curse and stayed at Hogwarts. Like, I see him as a DADA professor who often joins Aurors as, like, a special advisor or something. It'll give him more freedom and I think he'll like working with students and staying at Hogwarts.

As for Hermione, yes, she had SPEW, and I definitely think she would spend her life trying to improve creature rights, I just can't really see her becoming a minister. Hermione isn't about strategy (that was Ron), and she isn't about leading (that was Harry). Hermione is compassionate, and I do, as I mentioned, expect her to work for creature rights and improve the state of muggleborns in their society. But she's also a need, who loves reading and studying, I kinda feel she'd be more at home as an unspeakable rather than the minister. She just isn't a politician. Think about them breaking into Gringotts where she literally couldn't lie to save their lives.

Ron, I kinda like the idea of him trying to be an Auror and leaving after two years (honestly, Harry could have done the same and I would've been more willing to accept it). And I don't mind the idea of him helping George at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, I understand why he'll want to do it. Both to get out of the limelight, to help George with Fred's loss that they all share (tbh I'm in denial about that), and the chill environment probably would be good for him after the war. I think Ron will have fun in such a profession, honestly. He's the only one where I can kinda see it.

I don't like the way the Wizarding World is portrayed in the epilogue as I mentioned above — like nothing changed.

In the final books in the series (but actually, we see hints of this in books 2 and 3 already) the ministry is repeatedly portrayed as corrupt and inherently discriminatory — both towards magical creatures and muggleborns.

I don't think I need to discuss House Elves and werewolves too much, as the books state the problems in the ministry’s treatment of these groups quite plainly. But what the books don't mention as much is how hard muggleborns who wish to stay in the Wizarding World have it.

While there are private professions like shop owners, broom makers, Quidditch players, authors, and such, most jobs in the Wizarding World are in the ministry. And you can't get a job in the ministry unless you have connections in the ministry. They run on nepotism and who-knows-who and not merit. This places all muggleborns, even ones like Hermione (if she wasn't a war hero) at a disadvantage when searching for a job after Hogwarts.

We see it with Tom Riddle (12 NEWTs, all O's, prefect, and head boy). Yes, Slughorn pulled some strings to get him job offers, but he preferred to work at Borgin and Butkes over the lowly ministry positions they were willing to give a muggleborn who got a recommendation! What do you think happens to the muggleborns without a close relationship with Slughorn or to students who were quiet but still got solid Os and Es. And we don't know if other teachers recommend students to the ministry.

And that's before I talk about how muggleborns are introduced to magic, which is abhorrent. Or the lack of care towards child abuse (cases like Harry, Voldemort, and Snape come to mind). Or wizards' condescension towards everything muggle. Even Arthur Weasley, who supposedly loves muggles, is incredibly condescending towards muggles and ill-informed about them.

This outlook on muggles is why the Statue of Secrecy is a joke. I mean, book 1 opens with Vernon seeing weird people in colorful cloaks celebrating Voldemort’s downfall. They have no subtlety. considering Ron confounded the examiner on his driver's test and Harry and his family walked with owls in a muggle train station, this didn't get better either...

Sorry for my rant about the ministry, but all this is to say, I don't like the idea of Harry and Hermione working in such a corrupt system that they both witnessed the damage of firsthand. And even if they did work there, I kinda expected them to change it. To actually put in the effort to improve the damaged system they had, and JK mentioned they did. But in the epilogue and any other material we see no signs of this improvement. Everything is still corrupt and running on connections and favors. Otherwise, Albus Potter wouldn't be scared of being sorted into Slytherin, that fact alone means the prejudices that are a huge problem in their world still exist.

The ministry's corruption was such a big plot point in the final books that it feels weird to me that it isn't addressed in any way in the epilogue itself. I mean, the reason Voldemort rose to power as easily as he did was because the ministry and their society were built to allow it.

My ideal epilogue will take place maybe a few months after the war, it'll show them rebuilding, and being hopeful for a future that'll now exist. Stop the house rivalries that do more damage than good and cease the discrimination against muggleborns and creatures, or at least take the first steps towards something better. And it'll show the couples together and the golden trio's friendship, but no second-generation stuff. I feel that wasn't necessary to get the point across. Which I don't feel it did. Like, it gave me the wrong kind of catharsis that I wasn't looking for, if that makes any sense. It just gave me answers to questions I didn't ask.

Tldr;

Sorry for my rambling, the epilogue and anything stated after the books isn't really canon in my head.

#harry potter #harry potter thoughts #hp #hp thoughts #harry potter epilogue #asks #anon ask #anonymous

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felinecryptid · 4 months

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hoooooooooo boy, tmagp 4 go-

this time its becoming apparent that there are some themes and clues that tmagp wants us to notice, the sections stand out, begging for attention

like the recurring theme of bones, and blood, and gore in general (it might be too soon to tell exactly what themes are leading to, but they are definitely there)

the violin could fit right in grifter's bone with it's affinity to music and violence

(the music feels aligned to circus over spiral or web

tho there are elements of the web what with the mind control, but i fear all fears possess a certain degree of control, as such

the violence feels more of the slaughter variety rather than the hunt, though you could make a valid argument for flesh as the words 'sacrifice', 'payment' and 'creature with needs and purposes of its own' do stick in mind

once again i do not think that tmagp follows the same format as the smirke's fourteen (or 15) , i merely use them as parallels to better explain what aspects of the episode sticks out to me (and for me refer back later on))

as other listeners have noted, another theme that tmagp in general follows, is 'obsession', rather than tma's 'fear'

i feel this is also paralleling (intentionally or not) the audience's own listening habits and motives

we first consumed the magnus archives for its content of horror

and yet we are back for the magnus protocol like we never left, and perhaps

we never did

the statement's first person pov depicts a truly horrific picture of the slaughter, of the violence that the violin demands

and his descriptions of the mania on the audience's faces too

it's eerily reminiscent of the france's dancing plague

enough about the statement, lets talk about my boy sam and his co-workers, and their workplace in general

there's a protocol surrounding the magnus institute? interesting interesting, very similar to the police division daisy and basira were part of, the unofficial supernatural division

is this like the civil servant version of such?

another thing that is interesting; how is freddy getting these statements incidents? like sam asked, how exactly does a letter from the 18th century end up in the system?

i don't think gwen's answer is satisfactory (and we weren't meant to either), sure someone might be updating the archives website for reasons unknown but rarely in magpod is something a dead end, every little thing is a clue, a small part of the larger picture

so how exactly does a letter from the 18th century is in freddy's system?

perhaps an 'avatar' or the equivalent (such people are suggested to exist in tmagp universe, like the tattooist from daria's statement)

or maybe the fears themselves manifest in phenomena that upload relevant content to freddy

colin my guy, still being iconic and not trusting tech, hats off to you, the only real character in the whole show

never trust any piece of technology older than paper

the video of lena that gwen got in the end? weird? yeah, fuck yes, but how did she even get it? is there any sort of personal communication available on the ancient system? why gwen?

i have so many questions and so many more thoughts, but this is already so long, im gonna write a separate post about tmagp so far, in general

#the magnus protocol #the magnus institute #tma #tmagp #magpod #the slaughter #the flesh #the circus #tmagp 4 #samama khalid #gwen bouchard #colin becher #freddy #fr3 d1 #themes #tmagp analysis #tmagp 4 taking notes #tw gore mention #lena kelley

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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months

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Hello how are you :3? I was wondering if you could write E.J., Hoodie, and Masky with a s/o that has a lot of scars? (Toby too but platonic for him) I’m not sure how many people we can request so if it’s too many just Hoodie? I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable and thank you!

Various!Creepypastas w/ a scarred!reader

waaaah im so sorry for not seeing this sooner! i didnt recieve a notification for this ask!! really theres no limit to how many characters you can send in! i think my personal max varies from prompt to prompt!! mix of how they approach the concept of a scarred lover (friend in tobys case) with some hints of fluff! cause of scars will be vague as admittedly i didnt know if you meant general scars or SH! side note i hope this posts right! im writing this on my computer, im used to mobile!! + apologies for any weird wording or typos, im listening to music and im getting hyped!! not proof read we die like my spiderverse brainrot

Includes: Eyeless Jack, Hoodie, Masky and Platonic!Toby!

CWs: touch and go talk of potential past trauma, body image issues, vague mentions of SH(?) in EJs part + Toby's parts

admittedly admin doesnt know if its technically SH due to the nature and motiv but personally id still count it as such and tag it as such

Eyeless Jack;

he gets it, he really does. the basic run down of my hc/take on ej is that he wasnt always some flesh eating monster; just some dude who got caught up in some bad stuff

so naturally, he doesnt... really vibe well with the concept of eating human flesh, which can lead to a few... instances. from intentionally to accidentally harming himself while hes lost in his instincts

so hes no stranger to being a little roughed up around the edges

but hes a stranger to comforting; he'll likely approach it from a logical side before trying anything else. "you've been hurt," before going on a small tangent about the formation of scars. hes not the most... emotionally... good... available... person

so youre going to need to lay out the general basis for what you need for basic comfort, on days where your scars become an issue; be is needing comfort or a distraction. it may take him a while, but hell eventually start to pick up on cues and hints as your relationship develops

otherwise hes very neutral about them, again approaching them with a blunt view; seeing it as neither good nor bad. he doesnt draw attention to them, but he doesnt act like theyre gross

really just. vibing with it, doesnt make a huge deal of it since he feels he doesnt have any place to judge, nor does he feel its his business to pry for information

solid 6/10 imo, hell comfort you if you express that you need it but hell likely not go out of his way to do it

Hoodie;

Soft touches, he almost does it before he has your permission to touch you

naturally he has his own fair share of scars from various.. activities

really im still all jumbled up with how i wanna write him and masky; not sure if i want to make them like how they are in their MH source or lean into the proxy thing that was prominent in the early days of the fandom... lowkey leaning into the proxy thing for this post because im more... versed..? in that, but anyhow

hes more upfront and compassionate than eyeless jack, in fact hes probably the most caring out of the four in todays post... maybe thats because i read one (1) fic years back that changed my entire approach to his character but! yeah

subconsciously trails his hands on them when the two of you are holding one another; something gentle and intimate, not too obnoxious to make you self conscious, but not careful enough to go unnoticed

i view hoodie, and by extension brian if i end up considering him and tim fully seperate from their 'proxy' parts, as a very tactile person

true to the popular fanon interpretation, hoodie doesnt speak much. but that only makes him a better listener, so on days where things get hard, hell let you talk his ears off with anything thats bothering you. very rarely, hell speak up and offer some words of advice, most times hell inch closer to grasp you. though it does get awkward since most the time hes just. blankly staring at you silently without emoting or saying a word

overall? personally hes a 7/10 for me, i would rank him higher if he were more verbal, but thats just because admin has an easier time venting if its a two way convo; but overall hell make sure that your scars dont effect your worth

Masky;

very similarly to hoodie, masky also has his own set of scars for the same reasons

he probably starts pointing out his own scars to you and mumbles about where they came from if he knows their origins

this doesnt mean "oh hes invalidating your experiences and hes trying to make it about himself," but more so "hes showing that he really does get it and he doesnt mean to talk over you"

much like EJ he approaches scars with a very blunt and upfront mindset, but to a lesser extent. he admits that whatever led up to the tissue forming, it hurt. emotionally and physically, and hes not going to deny that simple fact. hell listen to you, have a conversation with you about it, and try to help you through whatever you may be currently going through regardless of if youre injury is relevant.

or at least, thats what hes trying to do.

hes still has his own personal issues regarding going about his own problems in a healthy manner but hey thats something for another post; maybe, if i remember

honestly this post doesnt have enough fluff imo, and i can kinda see masky doing this, but imagine he boops his mask against your scars in a mockery of a kiss (doesnt take off his mask often, in fact youll probably never ever see him without it on), i can see jack doing this too tbh

thoughts? 8/10, gets the bonus points for being less awkward to rant to imo, plus i think asides ej, i think i have a bias for masky for the simple fact i had the fattest crush on him when i was in middle school

Toby;

okay! this one is going to be interesting for one main reason! i actually havent touched tobys character in YEARS! so hes probably going to have the shorter list... obligatory i havent built any solid hcs for him past what was going on in the fandom in the 2010s, before toby briefly became a mild discomfort... but we're back in business baby!! (^^ dont feel bad for requesting for toby btw! hes no longer a discomfort, and if i didnt want to write for him i wouldnt be including him right here!!)

obviously we cant talk about his part without talking about his cheek. and other, similar hcs. while i dont think most of the self inflicted marks on his body were from a place of.. for lack of better words, darkness; it doesnt change the fact he still has them. i think a lot of them are from the fact he cant feel anything; accidental burns, gnawing through his cheek, digging his fingers deep into himself. really i could go into detail, but due to the aforementioned fact that my take on him isnt as developed as other characters + i really dont think its appropriate for this post (or really, anywhere on this account,), ill stop there

while he cant relate to the physical pain of what caused your scars, he can sympathize through your feelings. do you feel sorrow, or anger to whoever hurt you? hell be getting worked up right with you, because to him youre one of his closest friends

i feel like he doesnt talk much about his past, regarding his family. but hed tell you, and you can sure as hell bet that hell do his absolute damndest to grant you the same feeling of security.

hell probably touch and prod without truly meaning any harm, but thats because he can have problems with boundaries, but hell listen if you sit him down and tell him it makes you uncomfortable if it does

more so emotional than outwardly... supportive? idk the words, but hes very empathetic with you and tries to relate to you through emotion rather than feeling what you felt. honestly? kinda based for that, but maybe thats because i dont see feelings about this topic being touched on, usually its straight up about how the scar makes the person look or the physical trauma they had gone through, but idk, maybe thats just a me thing

he can be an asshole at times but hell usually backtrack and cool off somewhere else if you call him out on it imo

not sure if its because as im LITERALLY investigating his characteristics and interpretations as we speak, but i think im starting to relate to him so ER-OH!

anyways, i wish i could make his segment more... in tune with the characters above but its probably going to take me a while until im comfortable with how i portray this dude, which sucks because as a kid he was probably one of my favorites

i dont think im going to give toby a rating like the others; since i dont think i can accurate rate him due to the lack of proper concrete ideas outside of him being empathetic to your emotional pain since he cant relate on how much it hurt

im gonna end this here since im starting to sound like a broken record on tobys part so!

i hope you enjoyed this! characterization may be a little off but i blame that mostly on the fact that i kinda fell out of the loop in regards for writing for these guys (that damn spider movie! the brainrot threw me off my creepypasta grind!/j) but its good to be back writing for this fandom! it was a fun little brain exercise trying to figure out each character goes about this kind of thing without making them all the same!! with that being said, im going to go listen to an audio reading of tobys story so i can regrounded in his character and hopefully do him some justice in the future!

#creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #eyeless jack x reader #hoodie x reader #masky x reader #ticci toby x reader #eyeless jack x you #hoodie x you #masky x you #ticci toby x you

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ganondoodle · 11 months

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genuine genuine genuine question- wwwhy do you not like the zonai? (zonau? not sure if thats like. the worlds coolest plural or a translation difference) given your content with more monstery designs i would have thought they'd be up your alley!! however. i have also not played skyward sword (as much as id like to) and i know most of peoples upset with their existence and the totk storyline is because of its conflicts with that plot? i'm very excited to see what you do with your rewrite/botw2!! given their slight presence in faron in botw, it would be cool to see you repurpose the zonai in some way that doesn't conflict with the plot you're going for, something that makes more sense with the cryptic kinda bare minimum we had in botw? sorry if you've explained your stance on the zonai before <3

hhhhhhhh i had ranted alot about it but i hope you are prepared- (also "zonai" is sonau in german but im choosing to write it with a z so people recognize it at least, im pretty sure zonau is also the orignal japanese word for them)

i am fine with their design, in fact, i LIKE their character designs, however i dont like everything else about them.

and no its also not bc it affects skyward sword bc it doesnt affect ANYTHING in skyward sword, bc skyward sword is the VERY FIRST zelda game in the timeline and totk is nowhere near it, totk draws several paralels towards skysw bc its meant a sort of soft reset for this new era but its really just thematic overlap and references bc those are cool (i know alot of people are trying to convince the entire fandom that totk somehow is crammed into the old timeline but trust me its never anywhere near confirmed nor does it make any sense, heres the lil graphic i made last month to clarify how i think its meant to be understood .. quite obviously even -

i dont mean to sound .. mean, but some people read too much into little phrases or references to older titles (like first king of hyrule .. doesnt have to mean the literal firstest of the first ones in all of forgotten history ever, just the first of THIS hyrule for example), and while im not against theories i am very annoyed when people try to say its somehow canon when its NOT)

with that out of the way;

i dont like how they are 'integrated' into botws world, they feel unnatural and shoved in everywhere, they have been everywhere and did everythign better and cooler and no part of (this) hyrule was untouched by them their architecture feels not integrated well either and design wise its rather bland, while the sheikah shrines for example while obviously not natural and very 'techy' they still build a harmonizing contrast while the totk shrines are pretty laughably unfitting compared to them the basically complete disappearance of all sheikah tech related stuff bothers me immensely bc why would you just get rid of it istead of developing it further (i know about purahs towers and think they are just like a worse version of the previous ones; and before this argument comes up again, them destryoing it all -somehow- bc they were afraid of it being taken over again is a dumb excuse bc then they should be even more scared of zonau tech- even MORE unknown and advanced tech literally falling from the sky) you could have done SO MUCH with the ancient shiekah tech it drives me nuts

i also think it tipped the delicate balance of the kinda medival setting + high tech that botw had set up compeltely over, the zonau tech just .. is so painfully obviously only the way it is to give you little lego parts to glue together (i know its a focus of the game ... or at least the gamePLAY but it could have been done better, again i think they managed the balance perfectly with shiekah tech, its weird and isnt natural but doesnt endanger the believability of it ... the zonau tech just throws that out the window rly ... how cool would it have been if you could built lil guardian walk thingies djknhfkd )

in general they just feel like a complete replacement for the ancient shiekah and are so SO desperately trying to make the zonau the COOLER and BETTER versions of what the shiekah were (you COULD have connected them in a cool way, like there being ancient shiekah labs build in the old zonau mining facilities bc they used zonau tech as basis for their own tech etc)

like instead of building on the set up and potential botw had prepared, they just scrambled to make a 'better' version of botw, like oh no forget THAT ancient civilization we have an EVEN MORE ancient, and EVEN MORE highly developed peoples there that were also everywhere before you but also were never really hinted at- and then repeat botws structure .__.

having an old and forgotten civilization of whom only some withered ruins remain gave botw a much more real feeling, a world with a history that you will never know (you know, bc that makes it intriguing and is just .. a good choice of worldbuilding imo)- and then totk comes along and reveals everything and also nothing, we know too much of them to be intrigued by their mystery and also not enough to actually care about them (also them beign presented as the good perfectly perfectestest kingdom of light that can do no wrong other than underestimate the eeeevil guy while they also had their hands on every part of the land and made all other races be their face and nameless servants just ... thats weird man!! i know its a game, even if its only aimed at kids my god they arent stupid either!! you really present me with that and expect me to take it at face value what argh)

again i think they COULD have been integrated into it, but the way it was done completely threw me off, im not mad about them EXISTING but about how it was DONE in the game

the way they were done robs not just totk but also botw of mystery and intrigue, for example i much rather had them stay a mystery, only ever talked about in some text and some old and almost completely withered ruins left, you never get so see what happened there in the past, you can only guess, but you have to deal with the fallout anyway and thats just ONE possibility, there are so many and it feels like they chose the most boring one every single time

sometimes knowing less is better than knowing half

(maybe i can make it clearer when .. or if i can get to illustrate what could have worked -in my opinion- better .... sorry for ranting again ;__; )

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #i WANT to like this game so damn much #but cant with the way it was done #and i didnt have big expectations either #sorry if i sound agressive #the way i type just reads to others like that somehow #im desperately yelling in my cage with tears in my eyes thinking about the potential it all had

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withlovemark · 2 years

Text

i'll follow you everywhere.

warning: idk? some parts are sad

pairing: steve x female reader, slight eddie x reader (again, not really)

words: 11k+ ; this is, by far, the longest thing i've written. that being said, im sorry if there might be small mistakes, i was way too lazy to edit it, im also sorry if some parts feel rushed (i was writing this under a time constraint)

settings: s4 ; so this contains s4 spoilers! (for those who haven't watched it yet)

an: i switched up some of the events that happened in s4 to better fit the reader's plot line. plus, thank you, in advance, to those who take the time to read this! sorry its ridiculously wrong ;-;

one. - everywhere, we were there

(an introduction to who the reader is and how she fits into the story, i suggest reading it first if you haven't already).

two.

steve walks into the gym, right behind heidi. immediately his eyes spot you in the crowd. you looked absolutely beautiful, your green uniform bouncing with every step you took, a wide smile etched upon your pretty face. heidi makes a comment about how it would suck for him if they finally won a championship game the year he was no longer a part of the team. he curses her in his head, thanking her for that reminder. she was right.

jason makes his speech, he has the urge to punch his stupid little face in. he’s sure anyone can see the look of disgust he’s currently wearing. ’he doesn’t even have great hair.’

tammy thompson starts singing and he takes a peek at robin, who was standing with the band kids, instrument in her hand. the pair laughing in their heads. heidi makes another comment, about how good she sounds, and this time he can’t help but roll his eyes. she was wrong.

he can’t wait for this to be over. all he wanted to do was grab your hand, get out of there and just drive. to where? who cares? his eyes search around for your figure once again. this time, unsuccessful.

the game starts.

you made a beeline for the restroom as soon as jason started his speech, nose dripping red. in there, you run into max. you haven’t seen her in a while. you shoot her a friendly smile. “you okay?” she asks, grabbing a tissue from her bag and handing it to you. “yeah, i’ve just been overworking my body lately so,” you pinch your nose, “this happens,” you shrug, the only reason you could think of.

“yeah, i get it,” she whispers, looking down at her shoes. you take the time to really look at her, she looks like she hasn’t slept for days. it was awful, what happened to her brother. even worse that she was there watching the whole thing go down. she’s too young. you should’ve shielded her eyes. you should’ve pulled her away from the scene. you didn’t do either of those things. a flash of guilt.

your thoughts are interrupted when you hear gut-wrenching noises from one of the stalls. eyeing it suspiciously, eyes darting from the stall and back at max, sharing a glance, an unspoken conversation. fear rising throughout your body. max makes the first move. she’s brave, that one.

“uhm, are you okay in there?” she yells out. whoever it was, started sobbing, incoherent noises spilling from their lips. that's when you walk over, banging on the door, “hey, open up, we can help,” your voice, gentler than your actions. you come face to face with none other than chrissy cunningham, your co-cheerleading captain.

“chrissy? what’s wrong?” you stare at her, shocked that she was the culprit.

“i-im just not feeling well,” she refuses to meet your eye. she looks so disconnected. it’s out of character.

chrissy cunningham was always composed, carrying herself with grace and elegance that you could only imagine.

you take one step closer and panic rises to her face, pushing you away, she marches out of there. dumbfounded, you watch her. sure, the two of you weren’t the best of friends but you were teammates. you work together. you help each other. and never, in your life, have you ever seen chrissy cunningham act so disoriented. “that was weird,” max breaks you out of your thoughts. “yeah…it was,” you agreed, staring at the door she walked out of.

much to steve’s dismay, the team won. he was still with heidi. he thinks you’re somewhere with jason. he tries to push those thoughts away, just wanting morning to come bring you in.

you don’t show up when the sun rises. the cops knocking at your front door, preventing you to do so “are you y/n l/n?”

“yes officer, is something wrong?” cops showing up at anyone’s house is never a good sign. you try to think of what you’ve done in the past 24 hours to have them standing in front of you.

“you’re chrissy cunningham's co-cheerleading captain, right?” you nod, a million thoughts racing in your head. your head was pounding.

“when was the last time you saw her?” you tell them you saw her in the bathroom just last night, leaving out the part where she looked absolutely terrified. you don’t exactly trust the cops. not when they haven’t been doing anything, choosing to turn a blind eye to the dangers that lie and continue to lie in town. he writes something down on his notepad and you can’t help but wonder why he’s here in the first place.

“im sorry… but why are you asking me about chrissy?” you question. his reply makes you go cold, body rigid. you may have been the last person to see her and you didn’t do anything. if only you questioned her more. if only you tried harder to lend a helping hand. if only you ran after her. then maybe the officer wouldn't have told you that “she was found dead this morning.” another flash of guilt.

meanwhile, steve doesn't even get the chance to wonder where you were and why you aren't at family video yet. dustin barging in, messing up his tapes in the process, and dragging him into yet another series of unfortunate events. something about eddie munson killing chrissy cunningham…or not killing chrissy cunningham? he’s not too sure. he doesn’t like eddie. but he will do anything for that cocky little shit, dustin. so he lets him drag him around town, robin and max in the backseat to eddie’s knife against his neck to nancy eventually joining them, trying to solve another mystery. at this point, he starts considering a field in law enforcement. why should he keep doing these things for free when the cops out there barely do their jobs and still make a higher salary than him. he’s so annoyed and all he wants is to go to you.

he wonders if you’ve heard the news. he hopes you haven’t. out of everyone here, you were the only one who had some type of bond with the blonde girl. he decides it's best you’re as far away from this as possible, especially since they have no idea what they're currently dealing with, just that it’s “some freaky, wizard monster” that goes by the name of “vecna.”

bickering. lots of bickering. to the point where he just finally gave in. the kids never listen to him anyways. here they were, in possession of a stolen key, breaking into the counselors office. “hurry up and get what you need,” he ushers the kids. max dashes towards the filing cabinet, trying to find something, anything, to explain what’s going on with her and how exactly it links to the story eddie told them about chrissy.

that’s when she found it. her name, chrissy’s name, freddie’s name and …

she glances at steve, worry in her eyes, sending goosebumps all over his skin. “what?” he asks, removing himself from the wall and walking towards her.

“y/n’s here too,” she says softly, afraid that if she said it any louder, it would be a truth they could never come back from. steve snatches the file from her, there, in capital letters, was your full name. a trick of the mind, he tells himself, reading it over and over again to make sure he wasn’t just envisioning it. you were seeing ms. kelly? you were having the same symptoms? and then it clicks. the headaches. the nightmares.

he’s terrified. color draining from his body, almost like he’s seen vecna himself.

a noise outside the halls snaps him back to defense mode. grabbing the nearest object he could find – a green lamp. good enough. he refuses to stay here any longer, just wanting to make sure you’re okay. he keeps the kids behind him as they slowly turn the corner. lucas sinclair. steve scolds him, “jesus sinclair! i could’ve taken you out with this thing!” as the boy muttered sincere apologies. their screaming stops to a halt when they hear yet another unwanted sound. crouching once again, turning off their flashlights, steve getting ready to hit whoever it was that was coming their way.

you heard him, you could spot who that voice belongs to a mile away. plus it wasn’t hard not to when no one else was supposed to be on school grounds. you followed the hushed voices and finally came face to face with four screaming faces. you scream back, hand clutched around your heart as soon as you notice the familiar individuals.

“what are you doing here?!” steve yells, hands slowly releasing the lamp that was once tightly gripped around his knuckles.

“what are you!?” it made more sense that you were here over a boy who’s already graduated. it is your school and you did have a key to the gym, being the cheerleading captain and all. don’t question it. strict authorities barely exist in hawkins anyway.

you look around, eyes darting from steve to the kids. there in max’s hands, you spot your name written on a brown envelope. an envelope you see every morning before your first period. eyebrows furrowing, “is that my file?” you question.

steve remembers where he’s at and the events that just transpired, his voice gaining your attention once again, “you’ve been seeing ms. kelly?” sympathy flashing in his eyes. you don’t want to see it, avoiding his gaze, looking at literally anything else but him. he takes that as a yes. “why didn’t you tell me?” desperation. he sounds heart-broken.

“that’s not exactly something to brag about,” you muttered, embarrassed.

“you don’t trust me?” he eggs on and you feel nothing but guilt. “you don’t want me to know who you really are?” you stare at him. his eyes are darker now and you wonder if your mind is playing tricks on you. “because you know i could never love you if you do.” you look behind him, the kids no longer there. and then you hear the chime of a clock from a distance, almost like it’s taunting you. “steve-”

“you know,” he clicks his tongue, cutting you off. “you’re the reason we’re here in the first place. why we're always running. always fighting for our lives. and now, chrissy cunningham is dead,” his voice morphing into something truly evil. chills spreading throughout your body. eyes, watering. “and it’s all. your. fault.” you can’t breathe. he was saying everything you were afraid to admit. the truth. it rings loudly in your ear. you run.

from the other side, steve stares at your unresponsive body. he thinks back to eddie’s words. taking two large steps until he was right in front of you, his hands going straight to your shoulders trying to shake you awake. “y/n, do you hear me!” he yells, the kids making their way towards you, calling out for you.

“wake up!!” his voice so loud, a hand on your cheek. his eyes trying to find some sort of life in your now, empty ones. that twinkle he was used to seeing, gone.

“y/n come on, come back!” he begs.

you finally do. letting out a gasp, eyes wide, catching your breath.

“what just happened?” you were back at the school, brown, worried, eyes boring into your very confused ones.

“fuck, you scared me,” steve whispers into your ear, wrapping you in his arms. holding you close to him. his heartbeat calms you down.

the sound of an engine coming averts everyone’s attention. “as much as i love seeing you guys all lovey dovey, we really need to go! that’s jason and he’s after me!” lucas panics. you quickly pull away from steve, feeling awkward at the kid’s comment, steve’s eyes remaining on you.

you have no idea what’s happening but the urgency in lucas’ voice snaps you into action. ever since lucas joined the basketball team, you’ve taken him under your wing, treating him like your little brother. you made sure to watch over him, keeping jason off his back. you’re not going to stop now.

“get out of here, i’ll buy you guys some time,” you declare, finding your voice.

“what?! no!” steve shakes his head “no way! i am not leaving you here! especially not with jason” he argues, rolling his eyes, hands on his hips. the kids look back and forth, wondering who they should listen to.

dustin makes the final verdict, whining, “steve, we have to gooo,” as he pulls on his arm.

“you guys just saw what happened right ?!” he’s frantic now “i’m not leaving without her. that’s final.” he looks down at the kids, standing his ground, arms crossed.

a car door shutting echoes throughout the night. “oh, for the love of god steve, go!,” you push him towards the exit. “i’ll meet up with you later,” you say, making your way to the entrance, heading straight to jason, not bothering to wait for a response. steve is furious, watching you walk the opposite direction, wanting to follow you but the three kids currently clinging unto him makes it hard to do so. he reluctantly follows, accepting defeat, but not before glancing at you one last time.

max looks back at you, only for a second, whisper-shouting a “meet us at the wheeler’s” before they’re dragging their favorite babysitter out of there.

“y/n?” jason‘s shocked expression greeted you. you were the last person he expected to find tonight. but the sight of you has his eyes softening. you feel bad for him. you’re not entirely sure why the kids are running from him. or why he’s suddenly the villain of whatever twisted situation you’re in. you don’t have time to question him, just wanting him as far away from the rest.

“hey jase, you ok?” it was a stupid question, you knew that. how could anyone who loved chrissy be okay in this situation. before he could answer, your eyes drift along to steve’s car that was getting further and further away. the blonde boy follows, a look of betrayal evident on his face as soon as he saw through your eyes.

“you were hiding sinclair?!” he yells at you. eyebrows furrowed. attacking. gaining your full attention.

“sinclair? i have no idea what you’re talking about,” you try to remain as calm as possible, making sure you don��t sound suspicious.

“where the fuck are they going?!” he’s so angry, his face turning a bright red, vein popping out, as he grabs your wrist, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

“i don't fucking know what you’re talking about jason!” you lose your cool.

“he’s hiding chrissy’s killer!”

“what?” you ask, stunned, you’re sure you didn’t hear that right.

“eddie munson. their cult leader. that stupid club they have — hellfire? well turns out, it’s not just a stupid club… they’re - they’re demonic!, they’re sacrificing people to satan and i need to stop them.” he sounds like he’s giving another one of his motivational speeches and if it wasn’t for the gravity of the situation, you would’ve laughed in his face. so fucking hard.

also, eddie munson — a killer? it’s hard to imagine. he’s incredibly annoying, sure, but he couldn’t even hurt a fly.

“do you realize how insane you sound right now?,” you reply, finally pulling your now, very red, wrist away.

“i’ll prove it to you. i will.” he growls, jumping back into his car, his minions right with him. driving away. you try stopping him, knocking on his car window, all he does is press on the gas a little hard, leaving you there, alone.

steve cannot believe he’s sitting on his ex-girlfriends couch, in her basement, instead of being by your side. robin and nancy are still out. he refuses to leave this house without seeing you. he’s anxious, every tick of the clock felt like a gunshot to his mind. his legs, bouncing. it’s been exactly thirty-three minutes and you still haven’t walked in. he really shouldn’t have left you.

damn, these kids.

“she’s going to be okay, steve, we’ll find a way,” dustin assured him, already feeling liable if anything were to happen to you.

“yeah but how about the whole vecna curse, we still don’t know anything” steve answers quietly, making sure the boy knows he’s not upset at him.

“you should tell her” lucas chimes in, “tell her what?” he looks at him, wondering what the boy knew that he somehow didn't.

“that you’re in love with her,” dustin says like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“i-im not in love with her!” he stutters.

“uh huh, sureee, ok,” max says from the desk she’s sitting on. she doesn't even look up at him yet he knows she’s rolling her eyes, her sarcasm apparent. she goes back to writing, or something, god knows what she’s doing.

“i’m not! okay!” he turns to dustin, his eyes bulging out, “you literally just confronted me earlier about being in love with nancy,” he points out, “newsflash guys, take it from an adult, you don’t have to have romantic feelings for every person of the opposite sex!” he explains, hands waving around in large motions.

“ohh kayy, we get it! you don’t have to be so defensive,” dustin comments and steve swears he wants to punch him as bad as he wants to punch jason. dustin’s fate is saved by the bell when you finally enter the room, capturing everyone’s attention.

steve was up in no time, walking straight towards you, arms embracing you. “are you okay? are you hurt?” he inspects your face. you pull your sweater a little lower, not wanting him to see your wrist.

“i’m fine, sorry i took so long i went home to change and grab some of my things, i don’t exactly want to be fighting another monster in my uniform,” you explain. he nods, noticing the duffle bag hanging from your shoulder, “you should’ve called me, i could’ve just picked you up,” you shake your head, “it’s okay, i’m here now.”

max walks up to you, immediately asking “back there, was that your first vision?”

“vision? uhm - i guess? yeah?,” at this point, you’re past confusion. you’re lost.

“ok. good. good. that means you have more time than i do,” they all nod. sadness enveloping the air.

“more time?” your eyebrows raising, sitting on the couch, steve right behind you.

“yeah,” max nods, “by the way, here,” she hands each one of you a letter, steve asking her what it's for. a “fail-safe” she said. you shake your head, closing your eyes for a second before taking a huge breath, “can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” you say it so calmly, it’s almost scary. you were drained. not having the energy to raise your voice.

they explain to you what they do know. starting with where eddie munson comes into play – how he was there the night chrissy died. the mention of chrissy’s name makes you wince, steve notices, his hand going straight to your knee, providing you some comfort. they continue, telling you that everyone vecna has cursed has had the same symptoms (headaches, bloody noses, nightmares) and every single one has died.

“well, isn’t that great,” you butt in. “just, peachy,” max adds and you try to force a smile though it probably just looked like you were hurt. you were the only two people in this room who really has a grasp on how scary this vecna wizard is. max goes on, telling you that she saw a tall grandfather clock in her vision. you confess, telling her you heard it.

“everyone died except for an old dude named victor creel that nancy stumbled upon, being the only known survivor,” dustin finishes summarizing. you try to take it all in, sitting there, staring at the objects on the table in front of you, processing every information.

“so what do we do?” you ask, looking around.

“we wait for nancy and robin,” steve replies, his grip on your knee tightening for a second. right at that moment, almost like everything was an act, the two girls are rushing down to the basement.

“okay, so,” nancy starts, “we have a plan.” determined.

robin spots you, “nice for you to finally join us,” she smiles, the first genuine smile you’ve seen tonight.

“yeah, well, i’m one of the cursed ones,” regretting your words as soon as you saw her face fall.

“oh shit.” no one knows what to say.

“what’s the plan?” an attempt to break the awkward, sad tension that hung in the air.

nancy coughs, “well..” she explains their plan of going to pennhurst asylum and paying a visit to victor creel by talking to the director about a made up thesis on paranoid schizophrenics. they would be going in as ruth and rose.

“ruth?” steve questions, eyebrows raised at nancy. she raises both her eyebrows at him, a proud smile on her lips. you don’t like the interaction. not one bit. but now’s not really the time to focus on that.

“wait..wait.. wait a second,” steve’s voice beside you raises, realization striking him, “where’s mine?” nancy gives him a knowing look before walking away. he runs after her and into her room. from a distance you hear, “you’re out of your goddamn mind if you think im letting you two go in there without me!”

“uhm, excuse you, robin and i actually make a really good team,” nancy scoffs. robin grabs your hand, following the duo into nancy’s room.

“oh my god, you have a tom cruise poster,” robin points out, going straight to the poster next to her bed. you think back to halloween night when the couple was dressed as lana and joel goodsen and you’re very aware what that poster symbolizes. you glance at nancy, she notices, “th-thats old,” she defended as she pulled several clothing items out of her closet. you felt so out of place. you’ve never really had a friendly relationship with the girl, pretending like you don’t know each other in the halls. you’re not even sure you’ve spoken a sentence to her before. there was just never a need to, ironic, since you’ve been on the same boat for so long.

steve continues insisting that he should go, “c’mon nance, i could, i don't know, i could turn on my…my charm,” he snaps his fingers. the use of nancy’s nickname slipping from his lips leaves a sour taste in your mouth. nancy shakes her head, “not the charm we need,”

“ouch,” he gets a quiet chuckle out of you, leaning against nancy’s drawers, eyes falling to your feet. steve looks back at you, nancy still going on and on about how they need to be as convincing as they possibly could, acting as academic scholars, the director they're going to interview being someone who is highly respected and not easily fooled.

“holy shit, there’s a ballerina in here,” robin whispers, gaining another eye roll from steve.

“academic scholar, she’s giving you academic scholar?” robin’s offended.

you come to her defense as quick as you possibly can, finally speaking up, “no, but…” you walk towards nancy, who was still looking at her closet, having a hard time to decide. “may i?” you ask, she steps to the side giving you a full view. you spot a pink dress, perfect for an academic scholar. pulling it out, you show it to the rest, a smile on your lips, “she will,” you finish, sending robin a wink. robin wishes she backed up steve. maybe then he would’ve taken her place and she didn’t have to be wearing nancy’s dress.

“how about you? you can go instead!” robin suggests in which steve aggressively refuses to, “no, what if she has a vision while you guys are there, how are you gonna explain that huh einstein?” he scoffs.

“it’s settled then, it’ll be me and robin,” nancy ends the debate, steve still looks unsure, but then he looks back at you and he knows he can’t, and won’t, leave your side.

“fine, but you call me as soon as you need me nance,” he ordered. his voice stern. a genuine look of concern so visibly seen. you wonder if he still loves her.

you wish the girls good luck. finding yourself back in the basement, on the couch. the boy’s watching over you and max. steve pulls you to the other side of the room, both of you getting comfortable on the floor, sitting side by side.

“do you want to talk about it?” he murmured, hands wrapping around yours. how do you even begin to tell him that he was the person in your vision? you simply can’t. so you shook your head no. he doesn’t press any further, “when you do… want to talk about it, im here, yeah?” he whispers by your ear, only for you to hear. you lay your head against his shoulder, eyes going straight to your interlocked hands. you wonder how long you’ll have this.

max makes her way to the both of you, cutting the moment short, walkie talkie in hand, “if we go to east hawkins, would this still reach pennhurst?” you know exactly what she wants to do. hell, you should probably follow in her footsteps and start saying goodbye to all the people you love. you’re not as strong as her though. you haven’t accepted it.

steve refuses, his eyes begs you to agree with him. you don't. it was four against one. and max makes a rather compelling argument about not wanting to spend her last possible day in the wheelers’ basement. you couldn’t agree more.

“henderson, that super walkie of yours better reach pennhurst,” he sighs, finally unlocking the car doors. it feels normal at first, you sitting in the passenger seat, steve behind the wheel. the kids in the back. the only thing reminding you of the situation you're in was the loudest silence that hung above everyone's head. steve steals glances at everyone through his mirror, making sure that no one has drifted far away. you all make it to max’s house, vecna-free and you thank whoever is up there for the few moments of normalcy. she enters her home, steve warning her not to take too long. max promises she’ll be back in twenty seconds.

the boys go out, making sure they keep an earshot away from max, the drivers seat window remains open, doing the same for you. you stay in the car, feeling like absolute shit. head leaning against the window, eyes closed, trying to relieve yourself from the current discomfort you were feeling.

“hey, hey, you okay?” steve’s voice hushly calls out for you. you open your eyes, ready to tell steve that you’re fine and he shouldn’t worry.

instead you were met with the most heartbreaking frown on the lips of the person you come face to face with. a cry, “why didn’t you pick me up that night?” will byers’ face come into view. “y/n, i called for you. i needed you. where were you?,” once again, you’re frozen, unable to move, “you’re so selfish!,” the boy now shouting at you, “useless!,” his voice gets louder and louder, morphing into that same evil voice, “it’s all. your. fault!”

“please, p-please stop,” you cry out. “you did this to me.” and then you feel branch-like hands brush against your cheek, “y/n…you brought me alive, you belong here, this is all your doing.” he’s right by your ear. the clock chiming again, this time, louder. you turn around, meeting vecna for the first time.

and then you were back to reality, gasping. eye’s scanning, hands going straight to the dashboard of the car, trying to reach for anything that can verify your location. you spot the boys in front of the car, still waiting for max as you try to calm yourself down. quickly, you wipe away the tears that have fallen, composing yourself as best as you could. you’re just glad none of them noticed. you keep it to yourself.

max finally walks out. she’s flustered. demanding steve to, “just drive.” he does. you look back at her, asking her if she’s okay. she doesn’t answer, focusing instead on the trees outside her window. you can tell by her actions that she must have had a vision. you’re sure you looked exactly the same way just a couple minutes before. you all sit in silence once again. driving until you were at the cemetery. max goes straight to billy’s grave, letter in hand.

this time, you sit outside with lucas, leaving dustin and steve in the car. “you okay?” you ask the boy. “no. im, scared,” lucas admits, eye’s immediately watering. you pull him into a tight hug. he’s always been so strong, so understanding to the people around him. seeing him like this hurts you.

“we’ll figure it out,” you say after finally releasing him.

“how are you so sure?”

“we always do.” you’re not really sure who you’re trying to convince. the boy or yourself?

steve anxiously taps on his car window before finally acknowledging that it's been long enough. lucas tells him to give her a bit more time. “i have, ok sinclair, if she wants to get a lawyer, she can, im calling it,” lucas shares a glance with you. this time, you agree with steve. he was out of there in no time, running straight to max.

“max, time to giddy up, yeah?” you hear him ask. no response. you hear him repeat her name. still nothing. he’s fully yelling for her to wake up now. in a second, the three of you are right by his side, all calling out to the ginger headed girl. steve grabs dustin by his shirt, ordering him to call nancy and robin. dustin runs back towards the car, stumbling a little bit, curses spilling from his lips. it takes incredibly long to finally get an answer, but once he does, dustin comes running back, bag full of tapes in his hand.

“what song?! what’s her favorite song?!” he yells.

“why?!” lucas yells back.

“it’s too much to explain right now. what’s. her. favorite. song?!” you all scramble trying to find the song lucas mentioned. he finds it. snapping it into the player, quickly placing the headphones on max’s head, hoping to god it works. she stands, eyes still white, you all watch in shock. and then she starts floating in the air and you’re afraid it’s too late. you find your voice, calling out to her, tears falling freely down your face. she was so high now. you look at lucas, ready to shield him away from the sight that was about to come. instead you hear a gasp, max was falling, hyperventilating. lucas holds her, she grasps onto him, whispering that she’s okay. that she’s here. you reach out your hand, your palm making contact with her knee. just making sure.

none of you can believe it worked. thank you, kate bush.

back in the comfort of steve’s car, he pulls something out of his glove box, placing it in his player. everywhere by fleetwood mac filling every corner of his vehicle. you’re shocked, you didn’t even know he knew your favorite song. steve glances at his rearview mirror, max has her head resting against lucas, kate bush still playing in her ears, dustin with his eyes closed, chest rising up and down, exhaustion creeping up on them.

“i promise we’ll get you your own portable player later,” he whispers, not wanting to wake the kids. you smile, “thank you,” before grabbing his hand and placing a soft kiss on his knuckles. he brings his hands up to your cheeks, “don’t scare me like max did, ok? ever,” he pleads, eyes begging. you don't promise anything. instead you held his hand a little tighter.

he finally drives back to the wheelers, lucky for you, mike had a perfectly working player he left behind. you and max, now matching, everyone hoping that as long as the music is playing, nothing can take you both away. that was the first night everyone really got to rest.

well, everyone except for the cursed two, the sound of blaring music getting ridiculous.

“what if i start hating this song, what happens then?” you joke around with the girl, max chuckles at your statement. “i'm hoping my other favorite songs works,” she continues, you teasingly gasp, “this is the only song i know.” you share a smile before everything got quiet. steve’s light snores right by your ear, your shoulder being his pillow for the night.

“have you seen him?” max asks you, breaking the silence once more. “vecna?” you nod. admitting to her that you had a vision in the car while you were at her mom’s house. she asks you what your visions were and after making sure that everyone was still fast asleep, you guys sneak out, sitting instead in front of the wheeler’s front porch. you tell her about your visions, she tells you about hers.

“if it helps, i can tell he’s completely in love with you,” max advised. a nice thought that you somehow can’t invite in. “he loves me as a friend,” you correct her. because if he ever did loved you as more than that then why was he still looking for love somewhere else?

“maybe he just doesn’t know it yet, let’s face it, he’s not really the brightest,” max urges. she earns a chuckle from you and you find yourself agreeing to the last bit, “no… he’s not,” you smile, picking at your shoes, “but i love him even more for it,” you confess. after a while of sitting in silence, the air gets a little too cold, you both head back inside, taking your place right next to steve, finally allowing your head to fall on top of his. arms immediately finding its way around your waist.

the next morning you all make your way to victor creel’s abandoned house right after nancy pieced together max’s drawings. the dark, cold house sends chills all over your body. the connection to vecna feeling a little stronger, you look at max to see if she feels it too only to find her already staring back at you. the only confirmation you needed. you knew the group was searching in the right place.

steve asks everyone where they got their flashlights, dustin quickly mocking him before you pull the extra one you packed in your duffel bag, handing it to him. he utters a small, “thanks,” shaking his head at dustin. max grabs everyone's attention, a flashlight shining on the grandfather clock you're sure has been the one you're hearing.

“you guys see that, right?” steve and dustin both assure her that they do. facing the clock makes you feel lightheaded, losing your step, steve’s hands making it’s way to your back, balancing you. you remove your headphones for a quick second, just wanting to calm the pounding of your head. as soon as you looked back up, the clock was no longer standing its ground. instead it’s become attached to the wall, chiming so loudly you think that the noise is actually coming from inside your head.

“you came to me, y/n…do you accept it now? your fate”

closing your eyes, you try to shake him away, reminding yourself that this was all a bad dream, that he wasn’t real and that you were safe at the house with your friends beside you. you start hearing the tune of everywhere once again, but you can’t find the courage to move.

in the walls of victor creels house, the group stares at your detached soul. steve places the headphones back on you just as quickly as you took it off.

“it’s almost your time,” vecna whispers in your ear.

their flashlights start to flicker and they’re all unsure of what’s happening. but then you were back. “i told you to not scare me like that,” steve scolds, his hands wrapped gently around your face, while you mutter out a sorry.

“just…don’t remove your headphones anymore, yeah?” robin concludes. you feel awful for making them worry. nancy tells everyone to partner off, in hopes that you can find something quicker and get the hell out of there. steve keeps a hold on you, letting go only once you’re up the stairs. you observe the room that you’re in, flashlight shining on various amounts of picture frames. steve’s on the other side, crouched down, examining a bottle he found on the grate of the floor. he feels a spider crawl up his shoulder causing him to stand and stumble back into the arms of his ex-girlfriend, “why, wh-what’s wrong?” nancy’s voice snaps your head to their direction, your eyes filled with the same amount of concern laced in her voice.

“there was a spider,” steve admits, “a black widow,” he says out of breath, blocking the doorway, “don’t go in there.”

“oh… oh wait,” nancy reaches for his head, steve gets frantic, “stop moving,” he listens. her hands find its way into his hair, removing webs that tangled up in the boy’s locks. robin notices you watching them from across the room, she breaks the moment up for you, making a joke, “if there’s a spider nesting in there you’re never gonna find it until it lays eggs and all the babies spill out,” robin's voice breaking you out of your trance, choosing to focus again on the pictures behind you. you still listen. “what’s wrong with you?” a question directed at robin, making her chuckle.

he continues talking to nancy, bringing up how you should all go on a group date after killing vecna and saving the world. he makes it very clear to the girl that he wasn’t dating robin, robin quick to his defend, “platonic with a capital P.” you hear nancy ask about you. she’s obviously interested in him. it takes a while for steve to answer. he stares at your back before his eyes go back to nancy, shaking his head, “i-i can’t” was all that whispered from his lips. two words that were loud enough to wilt the flower in your heart.

“you’ve been looking at that picture for a while now, what? you think he’s hot or something?” robin’s trying to distract you, you know she feels bad. you smile at her, appreciating her efforts, “i don’t know, he’s kind of growing on me,” you tease, “you’re gross,” you two share a laugh that rings throughout the room, finally walking out and into another.

steve looks longingly at you. you're out of earshot when he found himself telling nancy, “i-i would date her it’s just i-i can’t afford to lose her,” nancy looks at him sympathetically, “why do you think you’ll lose her?”

“i lost you, didn’t i?” he points out, his insecurities getting the best of him. he may be steve harrington but that doesn’t save him from the unwanted thoughts of not being good enough. his last relationship being a testament to that feeling. nancy finally removes all the webs, sending him a sympathetic smile. something in his heart twitches, realization dawning upon him.

“great, thanks,” he say, “guess we should, uh- get back to the investigation,” ending their conversation with a line from sherlock holmes he picked up from dustin, he’s pretty sure he said it wrong. nancy shakes her head, smiling at the ground. you’re standing in the hall, not missing the way she blinks her eyes, almost like she’s remembering something. a feeling from the past, maybe?

she finally looks up, making eye contact with you. you notice you’re staring, “s-sorry,” you mutter, walking away and joining the rest of the group. nancy let’s out an awkward cough, following.

the chandelier starts flickering, just like their flashlights earlier, the light, buzzing, “it’s like the christmas lights,” nancy points out. everyone but robin understood what she meant. she quickly explained to her how the lights came to life when will was in the upside down, the events sending shivers down your spine. vecna’s words regarding your selfishness repeating in your mind. that guilty feeling you could never let go of.

“vecna’s here,” you say, catching everyone's attention. steve looks worried, how do you even know that? “i can feel him,” you continued. max agrees.

“he’s just on the other side?” lucas mutters. and then the chandelier goes out. “i think he just left the room,” robin states. questions arise, “did he hear us?,” “can he see us?,” amongst the group. lucas turned to both you and max, making sure you both still had your headphones in. nancy suggests everyone turn off their flashlights and spread out. she really is the brain of this group.

separating into different rooms, robin the first to break the silence, “i got him!” in an instant you were all at her side. flashlight immediately flickering from hers to steve’s, “oh, i think he’s moving. he’s moving! he’s moving,” he confirms, leading the way, all of you right behind him, up the stairs, and “shit, i lost him.”

max notices the light that’s flickering through the doors of the attic. you follow it like a herd of moths. dustin making a good point “hold up, guys. what if he’s leading us into a trap?” no one listens. curses, once again, slipping from the boy’s lips. reaching the top, you’re all face to face with a single light bulb, flashlights simultaneously flickering. the energy increases and the bulb explodes. everyone briskly turns away, steve has an arm over your head, shielding you from the shards of glass that went flying across the room, “let’s get the hell out of here.”

now seated in nancy’s car, right in between lucas and max, the group headed towards eddie’s hideout, promising to bring him food. the sight of the police cars alerts everyone. you all scramble out, nancy leading the way, listening to what the news reporters were saying. another person was found dead – patrick mckinney. you place a hand on lucas’ shoulders, trying to provide some sense of comfort.

the police ended up releasing eddie’s name to the public, the nightmare you were all dreading, looking at each other, “oh man, this is not good. really not good,” steve states the obvious. a static sound from dustin’s walkie comes alive – eddie. the group walks away from the scene as fast as they can. you try to keep up but the sound of your name stops you in your tracks, “y/n l/n,” one of the officers. you signal the rest of the group to keep going. dustin quietly tells eddie to wait. they stop at a distance, all eyes on you.

“hi officer,” you greet.

“what are you doing here?” the officer interrogates, looking at you and back at your friends. you follow his line of vision, your eyes glaring at the group for not following your instruction.

“well, as you see, i was driving around with my friends and w-we saw the cop cars and got curious,” you try to sound as convincing as possible. he nods.

“hmm. you ever heard of ‘curiosity killed the cat’?,” the officer questions you, eyebrows raising.

“are you implying something, officer?”

“it’s just a little suspicious, don’t you think? you were probably the last person who saw chrissy before she died and now you’re here at another crime scene…not looking so good for you,” he explains, jotting something down on his stupid note pad and all you wanted to do was tear it to pieces.

“i’m sorry? are you suspecting that i did this?”

“didn’t you?” before you could reply, another officer is calling for him. he looks at you, “we’ll talk later,” he grumbled, walking away. you hastily make your way back to the group, “what the hell was that?,” steve asks. you brush it away, “nothing, it’s just i now may also be a suspect.”

“what? they have no evidence,” nancy points out, you shrug. “not having evidence hasn’t really stopped them before, they just need someone behind bars, someone to blame,” you state. “i mean, that’s why they’re looking for eddie, right?,” you glance at dustin. in an instant, his back to talking to his walkie.

eddie informs him that he’s at skull rock, “yeah, i know where that is,” steve immediately replies. through the walkie you can tell eddie was shaken up. you wonder how he’d feel if he saw you, you haven’t spoken to him since elementary school, when you gave him a peck on the cheek, confessing your love for him and and he ran away from you, crying about how girls have cooties. your first heartbreak. you don’t give it another second, the group heading to skull rock.

steve and dustin banter, as usual, “dude, i’m telling you, you’re taking us the wrong way.”

“it’s north, im positive, i checked the map,”

“you do realize skull rock… it’s a super popular make-out spot?”

“yeah, so?”

“yeah, well, it wasn’t popular until i made it popular, alright? i practically invented it. we’re heading in the wrong direction” steve argues, walking the opposite way. dustin looks at you, like he’s telling you to call steve back and tell him he’s wrong. you shrug, following steve. the kid was smart but he really did have this one wrong.

“really, y/n? you’re betraying me and my compass like this?” dustin sniffled.

“sorry kid but im 100% positive that steve’s right on this one,” you giggled, looking back at him.

lucas looks at you skeptically, “wait… 100%? how are you so sure?” at that, you turn around, quickly catching up to steve. after a few more steps, you finally arrive at your destination.

“boom, bada bing, bada boom. there she is, henderson. skull rock,” steve is proud, “in your face, man, in your stupid, cocky little face,” he continues gloating, you almost feel bad for the kid. “it doesn’t make sense,” dustin mutters. you place a hand on his back, a small smile on your lips. steve tries to get him to accept that he’s wrong, calling him a butthead in the process. even in a life or death situation, those two are still at each other's necks.

eddie jumps out from a tree and you swear you almost passed out, “i concur, you, dustin henderson, are a butthead,” way to make an entrance, you almost roll your eyes. dustin gives him a quick hug, eddie looks behind him.

“y/l/n, you’re here too?,” he comments, an amused expression on his face.

“munson,” you nod, tight lipped. steve glances between the both of you. whatever that little interaction was. he doesn’t like it. he doesnt get to ask how you two know each other, the rest of the group finally catching up. eddie, once again, explains what happened. his walkie, drenched. him, running.

nancy asks him if he remembers what time it happened, the group connecting the dots between the exploding lightbulb and the death of patrick mckinney.

“hey, uh, henderson’s not, uh, cursed, is he?” eddie questions, you all turn your head towards the curly headed boy who was currently pacing back and forth, compass still in hand.

“cursed? nah, he’s fine. mental? absolutely.” steve mocked, still bitter.

“BOOM!” dustin yells, scaring the living hell out of everyone, you can’t take it anymore, “seriously, i don't think vecna’s my biggest problem, you guys are literally going to send me into cardiac arrest,” you scold, looking back at him and eddie. dustin lowers his voice, whispering now, “bada…bada…boom.” steve shakes his head, unamused.

“i was right,” they argue once again before dustin explains what’s been going on with his compass. something about an electromagnetic field.

and a gate to the upside down.

“we’d have a way to vecna. and a shot at freeing max and y/n from this curse,” dustin finishes, giving you a sliver of hope. he starts walking away, steve stops him, pointing out the fact that eddie is still a wanted man. eddie agrees with steve, it was a bad idea, but that doesn’t stop him from also agreeing with dustin, the group now heading to wherever this gate was. you walk for hours until dustin’s compass starts acting funny once again, right at lover’s lake.

you make your way unto the boat that was conveniently there. eddie has a hand out to you “y/l/n,” you take it, needing the support from the rocky boat. steve notices. dustin tries getting on but you all don’t let him. no one let’s any of the kids go. eddie saying that the boat can only hold four people, tops.

steve pushes the boat out into the lake, quickly hopping in, leaving a whining dustin behind, “sorry,” he whispers.

at the middle of the lake, the compass starts to turn in different directions. steve immediately pulls off his socks, getting undressed. you panic, “steve what are you doing?,” nancy finds the words you couldn’t utter.

“somebody’s gotta go down and check this out, unless one of you four can top being a hawkins high swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years, then it’s gotta be me. no complaints, all right?” you furrow your eyebrows at him, grabbing his arm, trying to stop him from removing another article of clothing, “no. no. there has to be another way,” your voice, stern. simultaneously, eddie replies, “hey, i'm not complaining. i do not want to go down there,” you glare at him, he puts both hands up, a sign of surrender.

steve continues, getting up and removing his shirt. you can’t help but stare. he always looks good. really not the right time. robin glances between you and nancy, she does not get the hype. eddie hands steve his makeshift waterproof flashlight, snapping you back to reality. nancy tells him to be careful. if nancy can’t even stop him, how could you?

“i swear to god steve, if you die down there, i will find a way to bring you back to life and kill you myself,” earning a chuckle from him. “i’ll come back, i promise,” he tells you, sincerity in his eyes. and then he dove. you keep your eyes on him until it was too dark to see anything. every second that passes feels like an eternity, your heartbeat racing, legs bouncing up and down. the four of you wait, the faint sound of everywhere is the only thing heard, eddie makes a comment, something about everywhere being a good choice of song. you barely care.

steve’s taking way too long. you make your way towards the edge of the boat, trying to spot him.

after a couple more seconds, which felt more like hours, he finally resurfaces, eddie screaming an “oh christ!,” from the sudden, loud movement. serves him right.

“i found it,” steve starts swimming towards the boat, the three glad to hear his sentence. you honestly don’t give a fuck, just glad that he was finally right in front of you. releasing a breath of relief, your hand immediately wrapping around his arm, making sure he was really there.

“it’s pretty wild, it's more a snack sized gate than the mama gate,” steve explains, trying to catch his breath, “but still, it’s pretty damn big.” and then he was gone, the loss of touch causing you to stand up. steve makes his way back up in a second, making eye contact with you before he is dragged under once again. you don’t give yourself time to think, immediately diving in after him, following the bubbles that were created from his screams. the yells for steve’s name above becoming fainter the deeper you go. you’ve never swam as fast in your life, legs kicking as hard as you could to the point where it burns.

everything’s red. this world, laced with branches you only saw in your visions.

steve’s cries swing you into action, grabbing the first paddle you spot, you run towards his direction. bats. they’re circling him. he’s on the ground. you keep running and running, adrenaline coursing through your veins. letting out a cry, you smack one of the creatures away from him. in a second, you notice that the trio have joined you. you’re all trying to get the bats away from him, one has a particularly strong hold on his neck and you can feel your eyes start to water as you crush it over and over again. eddie and nancy watches out for the incoming ones, you and robin still struggling to get the stupid creature off of steve. it wasn’t until a bat made its way unto you that he finally gained strength, biting onto the one around his neck, smashing it to the ground, blood spilling from his lips.

all of you now in action, it feels like a horror movie, the only thing missing was music. shit.

you’re frozen, just now realizing what you did. nancy was the first to march up to steve, asking him if he was okay, “well, they took about a pound of flesh, but other than that, yeah, never better.” the two share a moment, you look away. robin starts talking about rabies and then eddie makes a statement that has you wishing the bats murdered him, “y/l/n, your music stopped playing.” steve is in front of you in a second, turning the player over and over, inspecting it,“no no no, no. fuck!,” he curses, “why did you do that!? are you fucking kidding me!?” he yells at you. he’s angry. you wince, looking at the floor. he’s immediately sorry, eyes softening.

before he could say anything, a group of bats from above startles everyone. “into the woods, c’mon,” nancy thinks quickly, everyone now running, seeking safety, under skull rock. the five of you hid in silence, terrified. as soon as the bats flew by, everyone got back up, steve stumbling back, nancy aiding him in a second. “i’m fine,” slips past his lips as she tries her best to nurse him, ripping off a piece of cloth from the cardigan she was wearing. all you can do is watch, afraid of the fate that now lies ahead of you and the boy you’re in love with. he looks up at you while nancy continues taking care of him. you avoid his gaze.

robin, still on her rabies agenda, tries to distract steve from the pain, “so the good news is i’m pretty sure wooziness is not a symptom of rabies but uhm, if you start having hallucinations or muscle spasms, or-or you start feeling aggressive, like you wanna punch me, let me know,” her voice breaking, you can tell she’s trying her best to fight back the tears.

“robin,” steve shuts her up, grunting, “i kinda wanna punch you,” robin forces her laugh.

eddie makes his way next to you, whispering “sorry.” you look up at him, offering him the best smile you could muster up in this situation, “it’s whatever,” you nod. steve watches. nancy finally wraps the cloth around him, trying to reduce the loss of blood, his eyes going from your figure to hers in an instant. he grunts and you look back at the two, eddie leaving your side.

this world is merely a reflection of the real one. robin suggests going down to the police station for armor and weapons. as always, nancy has a better idea, “i have guns, in my bedroom,” she admits, “a russian makarov and a revolver.”

“yeah, you almost shot me with that one,” steve makes a snarky remark, nancy quick to follow, “you almost deserved it.”

you remember that. you were there. eddie notices your expression fall even more than it already was, still feeling sorry for earlier, he throws steve his vest, breaking the moment between the two, “for your modesty, dude.” a loud rumbling from beneath you causes everyone to fall, eddie saves you from the harsh ground, robin falling right next to you. steve stumbles back into the wall, nancy in his arms. everyone checks to see if everyone’s still in one piece.

your hand goes straight to your head, it feels like someone just shot you in the head, “woah woah woah, y/l/n, you okay?” eddie asks frantically. tears fall down your cheeks, the pain being too much. with no music to distract your thoughts, you can hear vecna from every corner of your mind. steve crouches down right in front of you, terrified. no one knows what’s happening.

a sound of a branch snapping to your right alerts you, “we have to get out of here. he’s here.” you whimpered, a sense of urgency in your voice.

“so guns seem like a pretty good idea to me,” eddie piped, robin quickly agreeing.

“ok, ok,” steve nods, “let’s go to nancy’s, that’s where mike’s player is too,” his eyes are back on you and the state you’re in because of him, “we get that first.”

finally putting on eddie’s vest, he helps you up, leading the way. you stay by robin’s side, putting up a brave front. you didn’t want steve to worry even more.

steve goes up to eddie, “eddie, hey man, uh… listen i just uh wanted to say thanks, for rushing to y/n’s side and saving my ass back there,” the two have a heartfelt moment, “shit, you saved your own ass back there, i mean, that was a real ozzy move you pulled back there,” steve doesn't know who ozzy osbourne is, causing the two to have a quick argument. but then eddie goes back to complimenting him, bringing up how dustin worships the ground he walks on, steve gains a bit of confidence with the newfound information.

eddie confesses that he was jealous of him, describes him as the perfect embodiment of man, and still is super jealous as hell, “which is why i would never have jumped in that lake to save your ass, not under any, uh…normal circumstances,” an honest confession.

another branch snaps, causing the pair to quickly look ahead, at you, relief washing over their faces seeing you still walking between robin and nancy, eyes focused on the ground beneath you.

“the only reason i came in here was because those ladies came in straight after you. now i was too ashamed to be the one who stayed behind, but y/l/n, right there, she didn’t waste a second. not one second. she just dove right in. now,” eddie has the boy’s full attention, “i don't know what’s happening between you two, but if i were you, i would figure it out. cause that was as unambiguous a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen.”

the ground shakes yet again, the pounding in your head stronger, you can feel time slipping away. robin’s hand is quick on your shoulder, keeping you stable as you all try to keep up with nancy’s pace. even in the dark, steve notices every wince you make and after eddie’s incredibly powerful speech, he feels even more awful at his violent reaction. he didn’t even bother to thank you, or ask if you were okay.

finally making it to what seems like the wheelers’ house, nancy, robin and eddie head straight upstairs and into nancy’s room. steve grabs your hand before you could join, you don’t say a word, you’re not too sure what to say right now. he pulls you into mike’s room, searching for his player, and hoping that the boy had everywhere somewhere in his box filled of tapes. he spots both, feeling lucky for the first time, making a mental note to thank mike as soon as he gets out of here.

in one rapid motion, the headphones are back on you, the music instantly bringing a sense of comfort. you watch him, taking in every feature of his pretty face. “i’m sorry,” he whispers, slowly taking a step towards you. “you shouldn’t have followed me in but you did and i-i shouldn’t have yelled at you like that,” you shake your head. you don’t even care about that anymore, you’re just glad you’re here, with him, in what could be the last moments of your life.

“i don’t think you understand,” you find your voice, a quiet hush. finally you look into his eyes, you feel like you haven’t seen them in a while, “steve harrington, i’ll follow you everywhere,” you promised. he feels his heart explode. taking your hands into his.

“i-i have to tell you something before i run out of time,” you say, rushed, his eyebrows furrow at your statement, he doesn’t like it, his grip on your hand getting tighter.

“say it to me when we get out of here, yeah?”

you dont.

“i’m in love with you,” you blurt out. “i’ve been in love with you ever since that halloween night, and y-you don’t have to say it back i know you’re still in love with nancy and that-that’s really okay i just need you to hear it because i might not be able to say it,” he processes your words, feeling various of emotions all at once. happy because the girl he loves, loves him back, confused at the mention of nancy’s name, scared that your last statement will come alive.

he chooses to focus on what he knows.

“i’m not in love with nancy,” he said, you stare at him. “i-i love her, yes, but only as a friend, i-i dont love her like i-,” you can’t believe what you’re hearing.

“i-” steve starts to say, you stop him.

“say it to me when we get out of here,” you beg. he sees the fear in your eyes and he can tell that you’re afraid that all of this is just a trick of your mind. so instead of words, he proves it to you with the way he's always known. gently grabbing your face and bringing in into his own. two lips finally moving as one, your hands finding their way to his chest. nothing about this kiss tasted sweet, feelings of desperation traveled through your hearts. desperate for more time. he pulls away for a second, foreheads softly colliding, his fingers rubbing tiny circles on your cheeks as he pulls you in for another kiss, just wanting to taste you over and over again.

then you pull away, eyes wide, shocked, you look up at him.

“did you hear that?”

“what?”

“i think it’s dustin,” you point out. he listens. he hears him. “great, even through the other side of the world he finds a way to annoy me,” you laugh, gently slapping his chest. he looks at you, in awe. he hasn’t heard your laugh in a while. he loves the sound of it. he loves you.

in any normal moment, you would’ve loved to just stay in his arms, laughing for hours and hours. you think back to all the times you guys did just that, not appreciating it enough when you had it. but none of this was normal so you pull away from him and back into this nightmare. you follow dustin’s voice all the way down to living room, yelling his name. steve quickly joins you. the rest of the group questioned yours and steve's sanity until they heard him as well. soon after, you guys figure out how to communicate – the lights. everyone happy at the small achievement.

a plan unfolds – find another gate.

“there’s a gate at every murder site!” dustin yells at the walls. nancy ask’s eddie how far his trailer was. you all grab the bikes placed on the wheelers’ front porch, quickly making your way there, wanting to get out as soon as possible.

finally making it into eddies trailer, an even smaller gate, right at the exact spot of chrissy’s death, greets you. it starts moving, almost like it was breathing. you all stare wondering what the hell is going on. steve checks it out first, making sure you were all behind him.

cheers erupt, when dustin’s face, though upside down, finally comes into view, “BADA BADA BOOM!”

the kids create an improvised rope, consisting of several blankets and bedsheets all tied together. they place a mattress on the landing spot, making sure you all cross through the portal safe, “those stains are uhhh… i don’t know what those stains are,” eddie lied, earning a look of disgust from you, robin, and nancy.

one by one, the group makes it safely through.

robin, eddie then nancy. his eyes are on you. ready to help you up the rope, you step back, “you go first,” you ordered. he really stands his ground this time, “no way, it’s either you go first or we’re both staying here.”

“promise you’re right behind me?” you plead, he places a quick kiss on your lips, “i promise.”

finally.

you’re back on the other side. steve follows right after you. you look at him, a small smile on your face. he mirrors your expression. max comes running towards you, engulfing you into a hug.

a happy celebration.

no one noticed it.

nothing could’ve prepared anyone from the vine that slowly, quietly creeped its way through the portal, wrapping tightly around your ankle, and just like steve in lover’s lake, pulling you straight down, back in the other side.

the portal immediately closes.

steve yells out a series, “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!” as he stares at the spot that you were once standing, grabbing dustin’s paddle and feverishly stabbing through the ground. blocked by stronger branches, the wooden oar can no longer cut through it.

“steve-” nancy calls out to him.

“SHIT!,” steve lets out a broken yell, “this is not happening, no, no no,-”

“steve, calm down!” robin catches his attention.

“do not tell me to calm down!” he shrilled, absolutely devastated, “not when she’s stuck down there! and i'm here! and i-i didn’t even tell her i love her!” he’s absolutely wrecked, tears freely flowing, words slipping from his lips, not even caring about the fact he just confessed his love to you to the rest of them.

“we will get her back, steve!” lucas yells, trying to stop his own tears from flowing.

“how?” he looks at the rest of the group, breathing heavily. he’s exhausted.

“we find another portal.”

three

an: bada bing bada boom

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #everywhere we were there #stranger things #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you

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rrat-king · 5 months

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walk with me bird,,, thinking about kristen's lack of self preservation especially in sophmore year- she does crazy shit again and again and it is funny but like. when you actually look at it, its like this elaborate performance. so much going on in kristen's brain, losing her family, (we know she's clearly still thinking about it with the start of sy being her returning to her brothers) losing her religion and then recreating it and still feeling lost.

all her life being full and told that this is the thing- that will protect you as long as you are good so kristen is good and then realizes oh. i was meant for something terrible actually, my church who vowed to protect me is actually trying to make me a hellmouth. like oh. great well i dont feel safe in that anymore, im always arguing with my parents because even they are still polluted with their religion but she lets it go she tries to find something else. and then she ends fy with her new religion and immediately doesnt like it, over the summer it still doesnt click and she changes it again, she puts her faith or even lack of it at the forefront as she does these insane choices, like a leap of faith. like oh someone has got to save me if i do this- surely someone will. (also pushing my agenda of kristen's faith eventually forming into believing in her friends bc they are the ones who always save her not the gods even though i do love cass)

like ally talking about chaos not being cute anymore really makes me think of all this- because it's like kristen being like oh well if it goes wrong than at least it's some sort of relief from this pressure of being something and at least im not plagued with thinking about not being good enough for my own parents. like her being so not aggressive but trying to counter sandralynn too- like not wanting to view her as a parental figure but as a person. kristen like almost tries to parent her in a way which sounds weird but its very like she can't turn it off in her head because she's been raised with expectation so she does feel on the same level as adults when in reality she is not but kristen believes like oh i can solve this here maybe u shouldnt be doing this thing in her relationship. i think part of it is kristen not wanting to see a parent become better and then have to wonder why her's didn't. like was she not enough for them to want to me better. it's so complex i adore kristen's character and it kinda surprises me how often she becomes very 2d in the fandom but alas, many thoughts about her

i am absolutely walking with you. i love what your talking about with her dynamic with sandra lynn (which. i will always be crazy about her and sandra lynn they are just both so intersting in thier relationships) but yeah it makes a lot of sense that she doesn't know how to properly interact with her if you think about the amount of pressure she has been given to be a spiritual leader through church or if you hc her as a parentified older sister to her little brothers (which i do personally) so she's not thinking about her interaction with sandra lynn as like, a regular adult cuz she hasn't really had those interactions before, especially when it comes to an adult not trusting her.

and i think that's why she just feels so insane in sophmore year, jsut like, she's going from something super rigid to something where it feels like she can do anything and that's fucking scary. like she has a place to stay but she doesn't really have any parents to answer to, she has a god but she has so much doubt it doesn't feel reliable, all she really has as stability is her friends and her girlfriend, and i feel like she is just incredibly reckless cuz like, she's doing better but its almost like she has nothing to lose? but she does. and she did, and i think that was what beardsley was saying about the chaos not being cute anymore, like kristen was acting like she was invinvible at times and that not only got her hurt, but also those around her, and im excited to see how she grows from that.

#anon beloved thank you so much for the ask #bird answers #d20 #fantasy high #kristen applebees #dimension 20

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squeakadeeks · 2 months

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i havent overshared something extremely complicated and personal on here in awhile so its time to fix that

you might recall that after this past summer i've been trying to recover from anorexia. progress has been....ok. i suppose better than nothing but im certainly in the rocky/awkward phase of it now. Thats part of why i've been doing more illustrative art/doll art as opposed to sharing images of myself/things that relate to my appearance like cosplay.

which brings me to the primary thing thats on my mind which that historically, whenever people give accolades or shout out my strengths as a costumer, a majority of the time its on my shilloweete. and sure, i do work a lot with petticoats and padding to make things more dramatic, but fully and genuinely 90% of that is just because of how disproportionately weird my measurements are with respect to my head and skeleton. its not actually a skill, talent, or anything i've put effort into, its just a consequence of anorexia. and its hard because when people draw attention to it, i cant be like "thanks. its because ive been intentionally and resolutely trying to off myself for the past 10 years."

i guess this is something that i shouldn't be picky about, i feel bad getting upset over compliments but i do wish i could be recognized more for my design work, material strategy, and actual craftsmanship over how i look. especially because of the next thing, which is the fact that i get...a not insignificant amount of feedback from people saying they wished they looked like me in a post, or saying that they dont feel like they can cosplay the same characters because of their body.

and at the risk of being controversial, i know that oftentimes the response to statements like that are "COSPLAY IS FOR EVERYONE <3" or a similar sentiment, but this ignores that fact that cosplay is not the same for everyone. because look, there was a brief period in 2016 when i actually was at a healthy weight and my treatment in the cosplay community was like night and day. i dont know what to say when i know that the way we're going to be viewed for doing idential things is going to be significantly different, and i think back to how much praise i get for things that are disordered behavior. If those comments wernt there...would anything else actually fill that void? if that person wasnt giving me a compliment on how much i "actually look like that character", would they have said anything at all?

one of my goals is to eventually get to the point where i can make good on my word and my internal morals and try to challenge those ideas by existing in spite of them, but dawg. i just simply do not have that mental resolve yet. at the very least ive wanted to address it on tiktok and IG where this problem happens the most, but i both dont know how to approach the topic responsibility and if i could handle the upsetting comments, be them well intentioned or otherwise.

#tw ed descussion

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raven-the-claw · 9 months

Text

A Complete Guide To Chaotic Academia

bc its my fav aesthetic and there is not enough content about it

Outfits

most people say that chaotic academia is just dark academia but a little bit more messy, and, well, chaotic. the truth is, chaotic academia is A LOT more messy than dark academia. you can still use dark academia as kind of a "base", but you are going to replace your blazers with flannels, your turtlenecks with tshirts. as for pants, you can go with litteraly anything: cigarette pants, tailored trousers, ripped-up jeans or normal black leggings. i personally really ike ripped up overalls bc they give that "i dont really give a damn, im so misunderstood, my parents didnt love me, im a crazy lonely introverted teenage child" vibe...idk. whatever you wear, make sure you feel comfortable in it! even tho in chaotic academia there are almost no rules at all, here are some things that might help you!

colours: any earthy tones are fine, brown, caramel, dark green, dark red, white, etc etc

fictional characters that might inspire you:

-remus lupin

- any dpc character

- jess mariano

- sydney novak

accesories: flannels (a personal fav + they make even the most boring fit look better), cardigans, converse (bonus points if you draw/write on them or if you have them laced in a weird way), bracelets or necklaces that mean something to you, harry potter back packs, tote bags...

hairstyles: whatever you want, just make sure your hair is ALWAYS messy, looking like you just fucking woke up

Activities and Traits

ok now we're getting to the actually important part bc (repeat after me): chaotic academia is not about how you look, its about how you live and how you act. so here r some thing that might help:

- annotating books with the most unhinged random thoughts

- learning poetry or speeches word for word but not remembering most of the things for school

- studying in the (school) library and being besties with the librarian (optional)

- leaving notes (on trees, mailboxes or library books) for strangers to find

- "studying while listening to classical music" and then instead of studying you end up agressivly mouthing your favorite song

- im sure yall already heard this one, but yes, swearing and slag while discussing deep academic topics is incredibly important

- speaking of important topics: posting something important on social media knowing no one will read it

- doodles on your hands 24/7 (NO SUSAN, I DONT GIVE A DAMN THAT ITS BAD FOR MY SKIN)

- sarcasm. a lot.

- random thoughts

- random quotes

- knowing a ton of conspiracy theories that you dont even beileve in by heart

- listening to all different types of podcasts

- one day reading the classics, the next ya fantasy and day after that ao3 smut

- multifandom, multishipper

- tea/coffee addiction

- adding b.c. to todays date when writing it in school

- random thoughts and the weirdest annotations in your school notebooks, especially the classes that you find boring

- "going to the bathroom" and then spending half of your math class drawing/reading/smoking/crying/thinking/whatever the fuck you wanna do there bc ur tired of everything

- stealing random stuff from stores (tho it is not encouraged blah blah blah)

- watching gilmore girls every fall

- telling people ur favorite colour is green even tho it isnt just to let them know that ur gay

- reading in class, on breaks, at home, parks, meetings, aethletic events, and generally all the fucking time

- doing (mostly) everything last minute

- bad at photography, but you enjoy it

- cold tea my beloved

- wearing one item every day: it can either be a necklace, a flannel, a bracelet, a badge, headphones, earrings etc etc

- extremely messy handwriting, always writing with black pen

- crying at least once a day, but only when ur alone, being super emotional but never showing it

- hobbies include reading, screaming in your pillow, learning unique languages that you will probably never use, rewatching dead poets society, harry potter, enola holmes, end of the fucking world and gilmore girls

- massive bookworm, reads all the time, always has a book with them

- skipping class, not that often tho

- 💫anger issues💫

- hyperactive and lazy at the same time

- uses big words but makes fun of other people when they do it

- writes (rebellious) book quotes everywhere, every single one of their notebooks had IF WE BURN, YOU BURN WITH US written in them lol

- random useless powerpoints

- analysing taylor swift's folklore and evermore instead of sheakspeare because its just better

- retired almost-emo, had a phase when they wore black and acted all mysterious but were never really emo i cant explain it

- likes mcr. this one speaks for itself.

- gay and sad. no explanation needed.

Books, Movies and Music

Books:

- Harry Potter by you know who (WE DONT SUPPORT HER THO)

- The Secret History by Donna Tartt

- Night School by CJ Daugherty (is that how u spell it lol)

- The Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

- Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

- Heartstopper by Alice Oseman

- Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

- Emma by Jane Austen

- Hamlet by Do I Really Need To Say Who

- The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

- The Picture of Dorain Gray by Oscar Wilde

- Frankenstein by Marry Shelley

Movies/TV Shows

- end of the fucking world

- heartstopper

- harry potter

- enola holmes

- dead poets society

- gilmore girls

- httyd (no kidding lol)

im not really a film girlie so if yall have any recs please lmk

Music:

- Mother Mother

- Taylor Swift (obviously)

- Lana Del Slay

- Conan Gray

- Olivia Rodrigo

- My Chemical Romance

- Lovejoy

- Bowie

- Queen

- Radiohead

- Björk

- Those random Disney songs i know you scream to at 3am

also whoever sings the IMJUSTATEENAGEDIRTBAGBAABBYY song

here is my playlist if yall wanna listen to it

hope that helps lol

#chaotic academia #academia aesthetic #light academia #dark academia #jess mariano #dead poets society #dead gay wizards #why is everyone dead help #gay and sad #books #fanfiction #remus lupin #wolfstar #anti jkr #Spotify

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voidcat · 1 year

Text

— a mutual intoxication

characters: dazai osamu, you

notes: implied toxic unlabeled past relationship, idk what this is beyond that, ive been doing some p stupid shit lately i needed dazai to shake me out of it. also my e key has issues so there may b missing lettrs

song: Los Borrachos (I Don't Have Any Hope Left But The Weather Is Nice) by Car Seat Headrest i think?? im notsure

Turning your phone off with a sigh, you close your eyes, sensing that presence hovering over your shoulder a little too late.

You have grown rusty, it seems, for he stands like that, too close for comfort, close enough for you to feel his breath and his eyes glued on the black screen of your phone.

“Look who’s here!”

Dazai Osamu exclaims giddily as he makes a turn around and slides right next to you. As if its some mere coincidence the two of you ran into one another and not something he foresaw before you even decided to drop by this cafe.

And so Dazai settles down, makes himself comfortable, easing in and blending into your side, to the environment.

A quick look shot his way, at your phone and the people idling in the cafe, you wait and wait, swallow down each second thats been passing.

And he catches it no matter how quick.

Of course he would, this is Dazai after all. Nothing gets past his senses, his wicked perception, his inituition.

Dazai's presence right here, right now means only one thing: That he has won.

Or so, he thinks. And once he does, it is the truth and absolute truth, even despite the circumstances preventing it, he will make sure to eradicate.

So far his voice falls deaf on your ears, as often was the case in your past, just a background noise to fill the air and nothing else–

"Someone has been busy, hm?" his coo leaves you on the edge, and you have half a mind to not jolt up or shoot another glance by your phone.

You know this.

You know Dazai, he is just doing what he does best, you are better than this: giving him what he seeks.

"So, what are they like? Have they been helping you with that itch on your brain that needs a good scratch?"

It shouldn't sting when you have grown used to it, but it does, just a little.

Not because he is right– he is, that's another issue, but because you're still doing that after all that time.

A little attention never killed anyone, that part of your brain reasons but another is quick to remind you of all those myths and tragedies of Greece.

It is nowhere as satisfactory as the real thing obviously, but even messages of sweet words and praises gets you going– though you hate to admit it, that you like this, you relish on this, the high of it.

Bonus points when the compliments are not the typical ones you can see everywhere, when the terms of endearment and what follows them sound to be thought over.

Lips pulled tight, you only stare at Dazai without a word.

"Not deserving of your voice? Not even the scoldings?" he tilts his head to the side with a smirk.

Bandaged hand over the table moves on its own.

They seem fresh, you cannot help but make a note of. Perhaps he came across a discount recently. There is no way in hell he would pay for these. Not when he has the agency's stash to raid, or you to buy and apply a fresh set.

His weird unique way of showing vulnerability, in his own way. But how can you blame the man?

He was already a mess when the two of you met.

Finger swiped over the screen, he taps the passcode, only to be left alone with the lockscreen.

Head turned to face you, another smirk that says "I'm impressed."

thanks no thanks, i don't need your compliments, you want to say.

you are not worried per se, you do not owe your piece of shit of an ex any explanation.

how things will turn out however, has you wondering. You know Dazai, but there are times when even you're at a loss of predicting his mind.

Friend of a friend– you doubt he knows that friend in th first place. Maybe their social media profiles at most but that's not much to go by.

The phone comes to life then– of course it had to be th fingerprint you had forgotten about.

Yet Dazai only seems pleasant at th turn of events. From your expression, he can tell this was not intentional but where's the fun if he doesn't go around claiming you were always waiting for him to return to your loving embrace.

"Not good enough apparently."

you whip your head at his voice, confusion clear on your face.

"Since you're sitting here alone all by yourself, not even on a call or texting." he shrugs as if he is explaining something simple, some truth of life to a kid.

"And do pray tell, Dazai, how am i supposed to text or talk when you have my phone?" you don't realize your teeth grithing.

To your reaction he only offers a grin, aware you know the answer as well as him.

even now, him going through your phone is old news. He did that before, and so did you– returning the favor.

If you wanted all his attention on himself, he demanded the same in return, give and take, until you suffocate.

and yet, even now that air stinging and filling your lungs does not hurt. the unbreathable toxic air is welcome in your lungs, an old friend you cannot shake off your life.

dull eyes ignore your question as they quickly go over chat histories, a little sneak at your photo roll without a doubt and side private accounts you keep limited to few people in your life.

with a sigh, he turns the device off and tosses it back on the table, leaning on his back, relaxing entirely. "My, my– and here I was worried you had forgotten all about me."

You had, as a matter of fact, yet you doubt he'd take your word for it, not when he has something brewing in his head to prove. Whaatever it may be, you know it won't end up in your favor.

"Now I just feel bad," that indifferent tone of his rings loud and clear.

hah! as if he is in any position to feel bad for your sake, what an awful attempt at a joke.

"Darling, you deserve better than that." "And that 'better' is supposed to be you?" you retort without missing a beat, annoyance clear in your voice.

"Well," he drags the word with a tilt of his head, gaze locked on the ceiling as if it's the wide blue sky instead, "Not saying I'm the best you've had, surely there are plenty of fish in the sea,"

a lie, you are aware, what he truly says is 'your words, not mine'.

"You deserve someone to match your wits." he concludes.

When you turn to look at his face, you see him sliding down slightly, head thrown back and resting.

even when complimenting, he makes sure to cast the hook where he wants it, all he has to do is sit and wait.

and hate yourself just as much, you know it has worked, that he is right. As exhasuting as it was to be ...something with Dazai Osamu, it was exciting, keeping the adrenaline rushing constantly, the ups and downs, highs and lows, the clashing and the sudden unision in the face of anything else.

"Not some sorry excuse of a person who cannot even pick up on one third of the things and teasings you say."

this, you're unsure if it is the living and breathing Dazai that says it, or the little one nestling in the back of your hand, always making sure to remind you he will never leave you alone.

Th who of it does not matter though.

Bcause all the ticks and kcks of your relationship with him, it was the unspoken understanding you enjoyed more than anything.

A look is all it takes, a gesture is all he needs, no words spoken, no thoughts admitted out loud verbally.

With a mind as sharp and bright as Dazai's, he understood you more than anyone else.

But being understood is not the entirety of it.

that's where communication plays in after all.

and as bright as he may be, Dazai took this to his advantage, his vague tactics to keep you around.

Sweetness but not too much, attention just long enough to keep you waiting for more, at the ready with big eyes–

letting your shoulders drop and realizing the tension you had on this whole time, you lean back as well, mirroring the man next to you and letting your body fall toward his direction a little.

Who are you to judge Dazai Osamu when you haven't been any better?

maybe this is what you wanted this whole time, letting this 'break up' last longer than the prvious ghosting phases, ignoring him on purpose and seeking out a new source to keep you up.

you can feel an arm draping over you, not bothering to open your eyes. this, too, has become something you've grown all too familiar with– one of the dolce ones, even when th grip becomes tight– keeping the other locked in.

because for any chain Dazai has on you, he possesses a matching one.

He might be the human with the highest perception skills for all you care– you know him, and that speaks for itself.

back and forth, it's a never ending dance of teasing, stepping on toes on purpose, pretending to have gotten bored in the middle only to surprise the second party with a sudden spin and bending of the waist– leaning in, nose to nose, until your visions blur into nothing but each other, and the mess you have left in your trail.

#didnt end this exactly in th way i wanted but i think this one is better #u can pretend he says mst lik 'ill makeu forget abt thm in no time' and ur inner monologue smt abt how thres no need for this already #uh anyays #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #felizai #menthol ellness<3 #dazai x reader #dazai x you #bsd x you #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x you #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu x reader #gender neutral reader

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synthaphone · 5 months

Text

long post talking about making neopets style art, but not in a way that's useful or coherent or proofread

idk why of all the things that i struggle to do, the thing i keep coming back to trying to pull off is 'imitate the neopets art style circa 2004-2007'. i'm really proud of the stuff i make in that style, but i've always got a nagging feeling about how there's like, very few applications for this very specific skill i'm building, and i could be spending this time improving at anatomy or perspective or anything else. i guess that's just the power of 'wanting to learn something really bad' combined with, critically, 'believing im really close to figuring it out'

there's something about the line weights on a lot of old pets that's really hard for me to capture, and i've gone through a bunch of different ideas of why that is- like, maybe its easier to do in flash, or its something about the way i have the pressure sensitivity set up on my pen, or maybe the official artists also carefully shaped and weighted their lines while scaling the drawing down every so often to make sure they 'feel right' on a small scale (lol), or maybe its that shit that artists who've been inking shit for a long time learn how to do intuitively that i'm just not at the level of yet.

i'm looking at this smug bastard like. how do they decide which lines should be thick vs thin. my instinct is to go thicker on the corners of points like the ear tips, but this artist went thinner, and i think weighted the lines heavier on the undersides of shapes where the shadows are? neo artists aren't immune to stuff that frustrates me when i'm making pet art either, almost every pet has some part of their lineart that makes a weird tangent with the damn Circle. the linework on the hands straight up isn't clear at all, but i can tell what the pose is from how the shoulders are positioned and the expression of the character, so i guess that doesn't really matter at the end of the day

im pasting the lines i'm working on next to existing pets with varying levels of detail, but it might be too early to tell if they have the right level of clarity. i'm also i'm back in photoshop because that's easier for me, but maybe i should have tried flash again- doing the art in vectors does give the finished image that hard to detect Crispness that i'm always chasing

in order, these were drawn in photoshop in 2019, photoshop in 2022, and Flash in 2024. i was going to be like 'oh god, the Vully DOES look sharper than the centibyte, it must be Flash' but honestly i got the halloween one to look pretty close?? maybe i scaled down my photoshop images differently in 2019............ i think i've also gotten better at mimicking the lineart style, so it could also be that, but that doesn't account for why the top one looks kind of blurry in comparison. am i crazy. is it visible to anyone else.

anyway ive gone off on a tangent. for some reason this is what i'm obsessed with doing so i'm just gonna keep on trucking until something else seizes my attention instead i guess

#i'm not trying to put down my own work here #i am proud of the neostyle art i've made #i'm talking about that feeling of like.#knowing that there's a few things i don't quite grasp and wanting to figure them out #i need a text post tag #neopets

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ooglywooglies · 1 month

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FINE, LILY ORCHARD DUNGEON MESHI RESPONSE POST I GUESS

im just going through all the video points and making oppositions to them based on what i think, thats it.

laios useless in the red dragon fight: this is setting up the premise of the story where laios is spacing out because he cannot strategize on an empty stomach which is why the party loses.

there is no urgency to rescuing falin after everyone escapes the dungeon: thats to show that all the adventurers are so used to the dungeons immortality that theyve forgotten about the consequences of death (and also they are not thinking straight bc they are hungry)

dungeon meshi is not slice of life in the traditional low stakes way a slice of life set in the real world might be. the entire premise is about making a fantasy dungeon crawler and its heroes more grounded and showing things that aren't shown in video games, eating, sleeping, bathing, etc. a major theme is life and death, what is needed to sustain life and how death is a necessary part of it.

the tone of the show is not meant to be serious/silly/serious/silly, its not supposed to be wholesome, fun, and heartfelt, though it can be those things, its supposed to be weird and demystifying because its about real life (though a fantasy lense) and real life doesnt adhere to tone either.

resurrecting falin, having a bath and dinner, and then thistle coming to collect her happening in two episodes is not crazy thats almost an hour of runtime

MISGENDERING THISTLE

some of the problems with this video are just the anime format which i cant completely fault, i think the manga is better paced and the humor lands better ill probably ignore those points going forward. but i feel like if you dont watch anime very much you probably dont really know them the common genre tropes, like i certainly dont.

the reason marcille is "infinitely more popular than the rest" is a) lilys girl bias b) everyones girl bias and thats it, a lot of people like decently written generically good looking female characters. but thats not even true laios is probably equally as popular as marcille is and senshi is VERY close behind both of them.

laios is literally only generic in looks and if youre going to bring it up you might as well mention how marcille is therefore EXACTLY as generic as laios is, they are some very regular white people. in terms of looks.

laios only cares about monsters and is an asshole: this is an intentional mischaracterization the OTHER CHARACTERS IN THE STORY make about laios, which is a result of his real flaw which is struggling to connect with other people. this is a character flaw, which is intentional and something laios himself is aware of and tries to overcome, it is part of his character arc. laios is also heavily autistic coded, im not sure if ryoko kui is even aware of it or if she herself is autistic and just wrote a bit of her own struggles into laios's character but this reading is widely recognized by people who are autistic so. like its hard to argue with a mass of people who see their disability in a character. (me included)

comparing his deadpan affect to lloyd (i dont know him tbh)s intentional controlled one makes no sense bc i assume lloyd is yknow a super secret agent who IS a super secret agent because of his self control or whatever. laios is just a guy. literally just a dude, who is autistic.

marcille and laios react to falins resurrection differently because they are different characters, showing different ranges of emotion are part of their characterization. having a limited range of expressed emotion in serious situations where emotion is expected of you is also a commonly recognized autistic trait (see me not crying at the airport when my now husband had to go back to his side of the planet when we were dating)

falin is also autistic coded and shares a lot of traits with laios because its supposed to be funny that everyone thinks falin is so talented and brilliant and lovely when she yknow picks up a bug or something but they think its annoying when laios presents the same traits.

refer to point 10 again

they are literally moving through the dungeon as fast as they can. it gets brought up, laios feels guilty about it but hes not indulging in his special interest as opposed to rescuing his sister, the adventure is enabling it. whats he supposed to do brood the entire way? do you think anyone would be physically capable of doing that? see points 1-4 again if not.

just because a different character would do something different doesnt meant the story would be better, the point of THIS story is an exploration of THESE characters

this is retreading a point but "marcille is the only character who feels like a human being" .... girl the ableism - it can be argued that marcille is a bit ND herself but she is laios's neurotypical foil, the entire point of their dynamic is she is the normal person to compare him to, to act like shes the only character that matters because shes the only one thats normal has some nasty implications.

"you or i would-" thats making some assumptions

marcille is tormented the most by the show because the show is about exploring a dungeon, a major character trait of hers is her inexperience, shes squeamish shes young and naive because she has EXCLUSIVELY studied dungeons in books she has only seen the dungeon in person for like a year or two (i dont remember the time frame but we know how time works for marcille anyway). senshi by contrast has been surviving exclusively off the dungeons resources for like 60 years. you mention that marcille grows a lot by the end but its not just about eating food she learns survival skills, she learns ecology.

sorry i need to take a break to just rant, isnt this woman a writer? i feel like all she can only see characters through common media tropes and so dungeon meshi is just breaking her brain because all of these characters are written from a strong foundation they all have roots that inform all of their flaws. i feel like she isnt willing to see them that way because she assumes that because this is an anime the author didnt put any thought into the characters beyond their designs and gimmicks, thats just speculation obvs its just the impression im getting

but like i see the way people talk about kui on here how she feels like one of us because the dungeon meshi characters are her ocs. how theyre not just characters for a story. its like imagine someone talking this way about YOUR OCS, your babies, the characters you put your heart and soul into and especially for someone like kui who has created so much depth for her characters for someone [who also calls herself a writer] to brush it all off bc it got an anime adaptation and anime has tropes.

i really dont like people who approach media from "ive seen this before" and i mean im a little guilty of it but its kind of a useless thought isnt it, for the most part things get made because someone wanted to make it not because it needed to exist. i guess its a hard thing not to think when theres just SO MANY shows and stuff out there but idk, i dont think its a healthy perspective most of the time.

chilchucks a bitch you cant listen to what he says and be like "the narrative is bullying marcille" chilchuck is bullying marcille, chilchuck is a bully

(oh it seems the numbers have reset, oops)

shes talking about why anime sucks again, i havent seen spy x family and i dont care to it doesnt appeal to me

retreading points but i forgot which ones laios thinking falins dragon form is cool is another example of how laios's character essence is that he doesnt think like other people. and i have to imagine that if not for the mind control aspect falin wouldnt be horrified by her dragon form either. neither of them care about the "obvious" socially expected reaction of "horrified" theyre thinking about a) what they like to think about which tends to be ooh monsters are cool and then b) whatever is most practical at this moment - i think its not just lily that struggles with this i think its a lot of people who follow social scripts tend to follow what the main cast of dungeon meshi is thinking so theyre horrified/confused by whatever laios is doing but he just intuits what actually materially matters and what doesnt. him thinking falin getting to have a cool dragon form has NOTHING to do with his feelings about saving her.

"your experience with autism isnt universal" neither is yours???? isnt that kind of the thing about autism (this is from her comments not the video but thats kind of her point about this point in the video is that she doesnt relate to laios's autistic traits) - guys shes saying sheldon cooper gets called out on his shit and grows as a person but laios doesnt... guys i dont even know what i can specifically say to make someone stop believing that because i dont know why anyone could believe that in the first place.

i dont want to write this point bc i dont want anyone to think i dont have any concept of like pervasive preferential trends in media but i think she specifically hates laios because hes a white man with autistic traits. i think if laios was a woman those traits would be not as bad (which is kinda funny bc i was talking about that being a joke with falins autistic traits earlier)

laios is funny to me :) (in the manga mostly)

i think she shouldve read the manga instead of watching half the anime but i guess thats it. if you (anyone reading this) see this out in the wild please dont make assumptions about me based on this post, it doesnt really tell you anything about me or my wider opinions.

i guess you can assume im autistic i did say that part, go ahead and assume that i suppose.

i think i have some clarifications i was gonna make but i got tired so i cant remember where they go or what they are, this isnt really meant to be a discussion its just me writing down some thoughts indirectly bc i didnt want to comment on her video. but its in response to a video so its only fair i guess if anyone wants me to clarify i can try my best to do that

#dungeon meshi spoilers

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rachelcommitscrimes · 1 year

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im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it.

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

#ghost eyes #webcomic #rant #angry ramblings #angry rant #i hate this fandom #tw su1c1d3 #tw sh implied #go get some help please

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