#i was not made for academics why did i go to uni fuck this

[arsonist-chicken]

And actually, totally unrelated to "if it's not now it's Far Away" events, HOW is it already the first december weekend next weekend?? I thought that wasn't until the weekend after!

#my parents are visiting and i thought i had more time to mentally prepare and make up excuses for various things and #prepare answers for various questions #oh my GOD it's almost december which means it's almost christmas break which means I really really really need to get started on the #seminar paper and the other paper and start studying for exams like. many days or weeks ago and I HAVENT DONE ANY OF IT #i was not made for academics why did i go to uni fuck this #siri play blind channel's don't fix me but maybe switch it to do fix me please my god i am begging for someone to fix me--- #yeah looking for therapy's also on my to do list. havent put it off or continuously forgotten about it for sure haha what #girl help my executives have been dysfunctioning for years and it's left me in a mess emotionally financially academically and it's #only getting worse somehow #oh no wait erasmus. gotta get on that. 1am what a time to remember your whole to do list at once and want to tackle it A L L N O W #do fix me yes please #mine #good night or so i hope #nightmares don't even LOOK at me or i'll bite #oh look i saw someone post delicious looking brownies and said i'd come steal some and now i'm fighting off my weight issues with a stick #again. wonderful #parents stop commenting on your own and your kids' weight and sending them on a path towards disordered eating challenge #alright good night

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

Hi I'm back. How are you?

How about... A yandere that has had a bunch of lovers and either killed them because he got bored or broke their heart beyond repair? But them he meets the reader and something changes?

Idk it seems like a fun dea.

Yandere! Male! Player x gn! Barista! Reader

Uh ohz, here is the player 🙄 there's a little twist to the request, meowing! I hope you don't mind. (Another Greek mythos twist. Not as blatant as Hades though. Only a bit of the Greek mythos is grabbed, not all.)

I'll see to it how can we break this little man

ヘ(￣ω￣ヘ)

AND, I AM GOING TO STOP TAKING NEW YANDERE REQUESTS! But, I am going to take asks about the existing yanderes now!

Yandere! Player name: Amor

A resounding slap echoed throughout the bustling cafe, silencing the people talking to each other. The woman, tear stricken and angry, looked at the man in front of her.

"We're over!" She yelled before stomping away from the cafe, leaving the man behind.

The people started to gossip amongst each other, but one particular action by the man stunned them.

He just sat down, took out his phone, and called somebody.

"Hey, fancy meeting tonight? I just know of this nice cafe. Date, my treat."

Shameless, the people thought as he chuckled and ended the call with a lazy smirk, stirring his coffee and sipping it.

Amor. Extremely handsome man. Charming, always knew how to get the ladies.

That's what made him full of shit since being handsome is his only redeeming quality.

He's arrogant, a bastard, selfish, has a pride taller than the Eiffel tower, and a total player.

He juggles women left and right, flavor of the day, who's gonna be my girl for the morning, afternoon, and night?

Why do people flock to this man again?

Ah, because the Gods favor this bitch.

What did he do in his past life that women love this man?

Well, in his past life, he's a boring nerd.

His family loved him dearly, and wanted him to succeed in life.

So, attending academic camps, prestigious schools, goddamn Kumon? He got it all.

Awards, upon awards. He collects them like pokemon.

Did it make him interesting?

No. All he knew is academics, and no outside skill.

He's book smart, not street smart.

Poor guy wasn't even attractive. So, when he finished University in an Ivy League Uni, he's lost. He doesn't have charisma to charm employers, he doesn't have the confidence to do public work...

Well, that, and NASA already hired him.

What? He is not street smart and has a hard time finding a job himself, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have connections.

In short, he's a Nepo baby.

At least he's a genius so NASA made sure to use him thoroughly.

But, he felt... Bored.

He wanted more from this life of his.

He wanted a girlfriend for fuck's sake!

So, by some stupid and desperation he himself never thought of doing, he turned to the old gods.

The old Gods, surprised by a sudden influx of eager and desperation of faith from only one man, decided to entertain them.

"PLEASE! WHEN I DIE, MAKE ME EXTREMELY HANDSOME AND HAVE WOMEN LEFT AND RIGHT!"

Oh... That's not...

He's really superficial....

Did the Gods care though? Nah. He's really entertaining. Awakening old Gods just for... Women?

So they granted his wish.

When he died of old age (unfortunately for him.), He woke up to another wealthy and loving family. But this time, he's the son of a world renowned Kpop idol, and a Miss Universe.

"This is overkill." Amor thought to himself as his mother cradled her. "But damn, ain't I happy!"

Growing up, even as a kid, girls liked him. He felt like on the top of the world. He retained his memory, so he's practically a gifted child. No, perfect child even!

Except that he's actually a foul kid.

He became arrogant, a snob. Someone who viewed himself too highly for people.

But do his parents care?

Eh...

They spoil the kid a lot. And turn a blind eye to his lack in manners.

Again, went to prestigious Universities, to Kumon, academic camps.

Everything was a breeze for him now.

He got a job as a model immediately. He decided to not go down the academic path, but use his parents' connections once more to climb up the showbiz ladder!

He's still a Nepo baby in this life.

Well, again, his handsomeness is almost too good to be true (work of the goddess of beauty), so his model career is skyrocketing in success.

And women.

Countless of them.

He cycles through them like toilet paper. Throwing them away once he's got his fill.

Yet, people don't care.

He somehow built a reputation off of being a player. When people say that "he broke somebody's heart again!"

"Eh, what did you expect from being in a relationship with Amor?" They would say with a shake of their head and a smile.

That's how much the Gods intervened with his life.

Once he sets his eyes on someone, he 100% would get them.

Unless....

"Tsk. Where can I go now..."

Amor paced around the street, turning heads left and right as this man sculpted by the gods had a worried look on his face.

The cafe he frequents closed down, now he needs a new place to take his women to dates to.

He's about to get his phone when a flyer hit him directly on his face. With an irritated glower, he grabbed the flyer.

"ow! What the f... Oh?"

He stopped, seeing the content.

"new cafe open?"

It looks like a generic cafe. But what was interesting was that the cafe is located in an indoor garden. Like a greenhouse.

"This is interesting. Women love flowers, don't they? And a garden of all places!" He laughs, making the gods stir from the sudden new cafe they got.

They all fuzzed, saying that this would be a good place. But, the goddess of Beauty stirred. Saying she got a bad feeling about this.

"relax, nothing will happen."

And when he got inside the cafe, he immediately got shocked by the barista, you.

Has there ever been an ethereal beauty like you? Someone... Someone who rivals even the goddess of beauty herself?!

The goddess stirred again, shackles raised. She never made you, so why are you this attractive?

Then, the goddess whispered on his ear.

It's to make you fall in love with a monster. Someone ugly, a beast... Anything to get your status down! Nobody can be as beautiful as her!

Envy filled the goddess as she gave Amor arrows to hit you with.

Now, assigned with the task of making you fall in love with what the goddess call a 'monster', he sets off to your house in the middle of the night. With the help of the other Gods, he became invisible and flew on to your balcony.

With a creak, your balcony doors opened. Making him shimmy inside through the small crack.

Yet, fate tempted him as the moonlight hit your form. In a vulnerable state, your androgynous beauty is amplified. Your long eyelashes, your skin... Your figure...

Truly, your beauty rivaled the goddess. No, you were more beautiful than her.

His throat dried, eyes glazed over.

Gods, are they tempting him?

It would be a waste for you to fall in love with an ugly guy.

His fingers twitched, trying to grab the arrow.

"OW!"

He seethed, doubling over as he clutched his finger. It got pricked by the arrow.

He somehow forgot a crucial information.

'whoever the first person the pricked sees if the arrows only pricked one, they will fall in love with the first person they sees.'

And, as his eyes irritably looked at you, overwhelming love filled inside him as he gasped in the sudden influx of emotions.

He kneeled down, eyes wide.

He's rigid. All he could see is your form. Lovely and so bright.

And hid eyes softened. A dull light in it as his lips twitched into a lovesick smile.

He was already attracted to you before, and now, pricked by the arrows, he's utterly obsessed with you.

With a twitch of his hand once more, he grabbed the arrow and stabbed himself fully to the thigh.

"GAGH!"

He doubled over, gasping, twitching for air as his heart pulsed through his ears. His eyes frantically finding your sleeping form before letting out a shaky moan from the satisfaction.

It was like a drug. Everytime he sees you, he gets overwhelmed with feelings of affection.

Is this what love is about?

And before he knows it, the arrows are all used up.

It was morbid, seeing this man stabbed with so many arrows.

But his face says otherwise. Like a drugged up man, overdosed on ecstacy, he was in a drooling trance from the addictive feeling of love for you.

The arrow is effective enough by one arrow, and now this?

Well, let's just say...

"I count, right?" He shakily asked the gods. "I'm a monster, somebody who breaks women's heart left and right."

He trembled, standing up.

He walked over to you, legs unsteady as he dropped to his knees once more and planted his lips on your own.

It tasted, you tasted so sweet, divine upon his lips.

He wants more, but he can't risk waking you up.

"Goodbye, my love. See you tomorrow." Amor whispered, grabbing your hand and dragging his nose on your skin and inhaling your scent. Exhaling shakily, he stood up and flew away.

Let's say, the goddess of Beauty was really angry at him.

But her condition, a 'monster', fits him. So, what can she do?

She gritted her teeth and looked at him with hatred, yet complacency.

You're so pretty, it hurts.

"Welcome to the Psyche cafe! How may I help you-- oh hello, sir Amor! The usual?"

Amor slowly nodded, clearing his throat.

"yes. The usual."

It's been weeks since then. And he made sure to make himself a regular in the cafe. He stopped going on dates, and pulled a lot of strings to somehow burry the player accusations. He knows he can't really burry it all.

So he made (threatened) the women he dated to be positive about him.

He wants to fly on your radar, spot on the middle, so bad.

So, with the invisibility power he got from the Gods, he always followed you. Even up to your home.

At first, his heart pounded like crazy. What if he suddenly appeared? Will you be freaked out? Surprised? Will you run away--

No, you can't run away.

Like you can, anyways.

He knew of your favorite food, fashion sense, hell, your taste in men...

He slowly changed himself into the man of your dreams.

Like a persona he integrated into himself, this sudden change shocked the people. But, they welcomed this change.

"Is he in love, that's why he's changing?"

More than that.

He's making himself into the perfect boyfriend for you.

Now, all he needs is you!

"Here's your coffee, sir!" You greeted with a sweet smile that he swore he had to grab his soul from leaving his body. "Enjoy!"

He gently grabbed the coffee and as usual, gave you 200$.

"sir..." You grimaced.

"Please, just accept it." He smiles. "You've always been a pleasant person to talk to, y/n. So, just see it as a generous tip. That I frequently give."

You looked down at the bill and smiled. Warmness spreads through your chest.

"thank you s--"

You looked up, and froze from the look he's giving you.

Deep, crazed...

Obsessed.

You shivered in fear.

Sensing your eyes on him, he coughed loudly, averting his eyes before returning to the man you knew.

Or did you actually know him?

You don't even know anymore.

But hey, he gives huge tips.

"Thanks again for the coffee." Amor smiles, trying to sweep what happened under the rug as he waved at you.

He went to his usual table. Somewhere secluded, yet has a clear view of you surrounded by flowers.

He observes you. Plans on what to do next.

He knew he can't just waltz in and whisk you away. That's barbaric.

But he's not opposed to the idea though...

He smirks.

He can probably pull tons of strings for you to end up in his arms.

He loves you, don't mistake that.

But, a little bit of... Force would be good.

He's an impatient man.

Also, did he mention that he's a selfish asshole?

How about, making your life so miserable. Getting you kicked out of this cafe, your family suddenly getting a huge debt...

Something he knows you can't pay immediately.

And his family would coincidentally sponsor you by giving you a condition of marrying him!

Anything to be with you, really.

Or, just steal another arrow and hit it with you. That's also plausible.

But, the goddess is pissed with him. So that's the last resort.

He sips his coffee and crosses his long legs.

He's favored by the Gods anyways.

His eyes narrowed slightly as you interacted too amicably with your coworker. An obvious blush on the coworker's face as he got too touchy with you.

No, everyone in the cafe is enamoured with you. Your beauty too good for this world.

He gripped the handle of his cup.

But first, let's get rid of potential rivals, yes?

You are only his.

What is there to fear? He has the resources in his hands to make you his.

You didn't know yet, but your fate is already sealed, tied, and shackled to him.

You don't really have a choice.

#lizzaneiaelizalde #yandere writing #yandere imagines #yandere boyfriend #yandere male #male yandere x reader #tw yandere #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere fic

[timeismyally]

I’ve seen a few reviews of The Secret History tonight and they all fell in the ‘the first half was good but once the mystery was revealed it meandered and didn’t go anywhere’ camp. Which just shows that most people who read The Secret History haven’t encountered Greek Tragedy before.

Unlike familiar heroes journeys or mystery novels of the 20th century, greek tragedies were typically told in two parts - the violent or tragic act shown to the audience, followed by the characters responsible meeting their fates. TSH is a modern retelling of a Greek Tragedy - Richard is the chorus witnessing the downfall of the players for what they did to Bunny, and for all the choices they made along the way.

A tragedy is never about the whodunnit, or the why, tragedies act as a warning of what will happen to you should you follow the same path. It’s why it is so fucking brilliant; it’s satire of everything wrong with academia and fiscal elitism told through the vessel of an academic pursuit typically reserved for those who are a part of that elitist class.

I think you need a basic understanding of Greek Tragedy to realise just how brilliant it is. Thank god for Greek Theatre in second year uni - a semester of Antigone didn’t have much of an impact then, but it certainly helped me appreciate a fantastic novel.

#the secret history #donna tartt

[dozing-marshmallow]

Can you do some fluffy Chris x non-binary!reader where the reader is a 19-20 year old camper on the island, please? ^v^

Sorry If you’re getting too many requests and this is annoying! :(

It’s okay, my love! Your request wasn’t annoying at all, and though I’ve had to temporarily close my asks, you don’t have to worry about it! In the end, I chose to receive them under my own awareness, but I appreciate all the concern!❤️Enjoy!!

CHRIS MCLEAN X NB! (ADULT) CAMPER! READER FLUFF

The host wasn’t shy with favourites.

Hence why you were summoned by him on the beach, at a time where everyone else was too tired to strategise.

You arrive, finding the ambient to be carefully idyllic with the swish of the sea and Chris sitting at ease.

His face was dark orange in certain angles from the effulgence of the campfire he crafted not too long ago. Though that was the only source of light in the wildlife nighttime, you can see his eyebrows tilting at your appearance,“Why are you wearing a hoodie?”

“It’s Canada, Chris.” you gently rub your shoulders,“That campfire isn’t enough to warm the entire air.”

“Fair enough.” he reaches over in his sitting position for an opened bag between his feet,“I had some leftover marshmallows. Thought it’d be nice to toast them together.”

You come to sit down next to him on the log, noticing two conveniently thin sticks on his other side,“I’d like that.”

He squeezes a marshmallow from the packet onto the top of a twig and handed it to you. He repeats the same with the other twig and sticks it out lightly above the flames and snuggles against your shoulder,“Talk to me. Remind me how it’s like to be two decades old again.”

“You’re such a funny man, Chris.” you rub your hand on his thigh as you slowly spin your stick with the other,”For one, I finished college, the funniest years of my life. My first year, I didn’t take anything seriously and neither did my friend. During our class tests, we would share an earbud on one of our ipod players and we would leave more than half of the paper blank.” your lips widened upwards as your mind relives the glassy experience of reckless youth.

“Terrible, dude.” clear Chris didn’t feel the same,“I couldn’t care less about academics, but ranking lowest of the low on purpose? You better not be thinking about doing the same here.’

“That’s what my mom was saying after parents evening. So, thanks to her wise words, I graduated, two years before my friend, who’s in catchup school right now.” a laugh forced its way out of your dry mouth after you finished narrating.

“Right now?” he blinked consciously,“An evening class?”

You drew your tanned treat out the smoke for a bite, confirming,“It only seems late because we have no energy left after putting up with your challenges all day and you call it night the minute it’s dark. You ruined our perception of time.”

“Sure did.” his teeth takes a proud dive into his toasted squishy,“Someone’s gotta teach you kids that staying up late isn’t good for your well-being.”

Says him who made the entire second challenge about just that!,“We’re not kids, Chris! We’re adults. We can drink, vote, smoke, fuck. Do all that you can.” the kind of contestants he was dealing with. You hoped that would put things into a new perspective for him.

“Yeah yeah, secure yourself something that pays you at least six figures a month, then come back to me.” he rolls his eyes, fishing another marshmallow out in the fiery centre,“Soooo? Where are your plans for that? You going to work after this? Uni? Apprenticeship?”

You silently shiver.

Only the crackling of the campfire occupied the air.

“Uh, dude?” he waves his hand in front of your wordless face,“Helloooo? (Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

Chris didn’t appreciate that,“If you didn’t know, it’s kinda a poor show of manners to not reply when people are speaking to you.”

“I know...” you thought the silence was a better answer,“Sorry.”

“Are you saying that because you have nothing to tell me?”

You nod.

“Oh. Wow.” he wasn’t actually expecting that,“Really though? Like you’ve never thought about what you wanted to do after you left school? Not even when you were younger?”

“Nunca. I had other things to worry about.” feeling awkward, you removed your shoes to allow your bare feet to explore the grains of the sticky sand.

“Well! It seems like another inexperienced troubled thing has stumbled across my path, still not knowing what they wanna do with their lives even if they are too old to go back to elementary.” Chris’ time as an actor paid off in his voice at the pretend moment of theatre,“Why don’t you work for me?”

“And end up paralysed for the rest of my life?” you sneer at his suggestion,“No thanks.”

“Don’t be so down, (Y/N)!” he exclaims, pinching your cheek,“Am I that bad that the first job you assume I’ll give you is internship? Heck no! You can be my assistant, secretary, something. Whatever the title is, it’s not really important, but it won’t be internship. Genuine!”

“I don’t know...” hesitation dresses your tone,“Wouldn’t this be obvious to the other contestants that there’s some favouritism if I worked with you after the show? I don’t want them to ridicule me.”

Laughter from Chris in this context was...a reaction you didn’t wholly list out,“Why do you care about what a bunch of lifelong jobless people think? Besides, it’s in the contract, you’re legally obliged to do any role I may ask of you. I’m the one in charge here.”

You quickly remember Chris by his job. The host. The host with the most.

An accepting exhale longs out between your lips,“I guess you’ve decided my fate then, Mr McLean.”

“Practicing formalities already? Hm.” he dramatically puts a finger to his chin, a smirk tapping on his face,“I think I’m liking this employer and employee relationship between us.”

“Gross!” you guffaw, shoving him jokingly on the shoulder, already having his title shattered in your brain,“We’ll have plenty of time for that once I’m in a suit.”

“Who said I want you in one when it happens?” your eyelids disappear. He did not just say that,“We’re on an Island for God’s sake! I’ll allow you to wear something more casual.”

Oh my God, he’s good.

Oh my God.

“W-We’ll see...” you stuff your stutter with another soft goodie, way before it could get golden.

“You bet I will.” Chris had winked at you there, similar to the flash of the campfire, melting your marshmallow as he did your heart.

Cheesy, but it’s the truth. Your life’s barely started and it’s been signed away to an anticipating celebrity.

Ha! When you’ve already won him over, who needs a hundred thousand dollars?

#chris mclean #total drama #tdi x reader #tdi #td chris #chris mclean x reader #request #td chris mclean x reader #total drama chris mclean #total drama island chris #total drama chris

[hlficlibrary]

Hi. Do you have any fic where they are in uni/college and their parents are pushy about studies or smth

Hi, anon...here are some that fit what you're looking for...

Own the Scars by @crinkle-eyed-boo

“But I don’t belong here,” Louis insists. “Why do you say that?” James asks. “These people are all drug addicts and alcoholics,” Louis shrugs. Something sparks in James’ eyes. “And you’re not?”

Louis has never felt like he was good enough: for his stepdad, for his life-long best friend, for the life he's supposed to want. After an accident that nearly costs him his life, Louis' parents send him to rehab where he’s forced to face his demons. On the long and difficult road to recovery, Louis must confront the truths he’s been avoiding about his future, his relationships, and his sense of self-worth. Because before he can love anyone else, he’s got to learn how to love himself first.

And I'll judge the cover by the book by harrystylesandstuff

At twenty years old Harry has his life figured out. He’ll graduate from the private University of Buckingham and move to Oxford to study journalism. He’ll meet someone who shares his values and accepts who he is, and apply everything his successful parents have taught him.

At twenty-two years old Louis has no clue what he wants in life. He’s not sure he’ll pass the year and doesn’t know where he’ll go after that. He spends his time smoking away his doubts about himself with his friends and all he cares about is making sure his family doesn’t fall apart.

They don’t belong together.

Or a Private University AU where Harry is a queer posh prince, Louis is a closeted troublemaker, and neither expect to understand each other the way they will.

with venom on your tongue by wildestdreams / @thelavendrhaze

While Louis had to try so hard to stay focused and be the best, Harry somehow did the same things with ease and confidence. He hated how Harry glided through life, carrying happiness on his shoulders like it was nothing when it was arduous for Louis. His carefree demeanor made Louis feel crazy.

But that feeling just motivated him to always keep his eyes on the prize. Number one in the class rankings every year and the valedictorian spot the next year when they graduated. He was so close he could taste it. And if the only thing in his way was Harry Styles, then Louis was willing to up the stakes to figure out what made him weak just to beat him.

“Whatever,” Louis eventually said to Liam. “He’s a fucking cliche.”

or a boarding school AU where Harry and Louis are academic rivals until they realize they’re more similar than they thought.

#ask #anon #ficrec #minificrecs #uni #wildestdreams #harrystylesandstuff #crinkleeyedboo

[kaiandels]

Two Hearts (finale): e.w x reader

warnings: none! calm chapter completely wholesome but kind of short ig?

writer’s note: this will be the last chapter. this is not intense so do not expect anything !! and sorry if it took so long.. when i say i’m busy with uni, i am. NOT PROOFREAD!

part 1- part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:

Love is a confusing thing. Not everyone is blessed enough to feel this concept. You have always thought that you were incapable of doing so, that you weren't worthy. 'Cause all you felt in this life that you have lived was nothing but rejection which made you dense to the feeling of Love. And you knew, that Ellie was the same. You both were looking for the same thing. And it felt so good that you both were able to provide it for each other.

"In this life I have done nothing but love you." Ellie whispered.

The denial that was evident throughout was just a decoy for the intense love that couldn't be displayed. You both were cowards. You didn't accept the risk of losing someone who you spent your whole life with just because you loved them more than a friend should love another. Love is a confusing thing. You hoped to God that it would change for the better.

It did. It seemed like the whole world revolved around you and her only. You were deprived of love, Ellie knew that. Ever since you were a child you have done nothing but try to get the constant approval of your parents. You had done nothing but try to achieve the academic goals or even the career goals for no one but them and them only. The love that was lacking throughout your life, was provided by Ellie. And the love that was lacking through hers, were provided by you.

You were going to meet up with Joel, you had just put on something casual as the planned set-up would only be in a café. You decided to not outdone yourselves because you wanted the ambiance to be just perfect to announce you and Ellie’s relationship. To be completely honest, you were a nervous wreck. And Ellie didn’t seem to get that at all. But, the things that ran through your mind was just “what if he doesn’t like me for Ellie?” or “what if he thinks that i’m too full of myself?”

You gulped as you blankly stared at the mirror, your gaze travelling up and down your body as you were so unsure of how presentable you wanted to be. “You’re fine.” Ellie broke the silence as she stood behind you, her arms crossed. “Why are you so nervous? You’ve been with Joel ever since we were 5.” Ellie asked as she looked at you in to the mirror. “I don’t know. What if he doesn’t like me for you? I mean I wasn’t the best child at all, he always scolded me when we would play in the backyard and- what if hejustdoesntlikemeforyoubecauseimnotthegirlwhoheseesyouwith?” You rambled as your hands went their ways through the air as Ellie stared at you dumbfoundedly. Is that even a word? It’s probably possible ‘cause that’s the way Ellie’s feeling right now.

“You’re doing too much, seriously.” Ellie laughed as she stepped closer to you to hug you from behind. “You’re going to be okay. Like I said, you’ve known him your whole life.” You sighed at the reassurance as you melted under her embrace. You nodded as you accepted your “faith”.

A few hours later, you and Ellie had arrived to the café. You both got out the car, laughing as you both noticed that your breaths both hitched. You looked at eachother as Ellie pointed at the window, you followed her direction and saw Joel sitting quietly at the booth, reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. He never changed. You thought.

You and Ellie walked in the café hand in hand as you both walked up to Joel. “Hey..” Ellie said almost whispering as she caught Joel’s attention. “Hey kiddo. Oh have I missed ya.” Joel claimed giving Ellie an excited shit-eating grin. He stood up as he gave Ellie a tight hug, ruffling her hair in the process. “Fuck- JOEL!” Ellie groaned as they both laughed.

You stood there, admiring the two as your heart melted. You wished that you could feel like that again, but the last time you ever felt that way was when you were 8 years old. “Hey Y/n.” Joel said as he walked up to you and gave you a fast and soft hug. You always were awkward with eachother. “Hey Joel” You said giving him a soft smile. Ellie snorted, catching you and Joel’s attention. “Come on, you guys.” Ellie said patting the empty space beside her. You looked at Joel and he nodded giving you the empty spot next to Ellie’s as he sat in front of you both.

“Look, Joel. A lot has happened this past few months or years and i’m really happy to see you but… I have to tell you something.” Ellie said straightforwardly gripping at your hand under the table. “Throw it at me, kiddo.” Joel said as he smiled and leaned back against the booth couch. “Me and Y/n are together.” you all went silent as you looked at Ellie and Joel. It went quiet as it seemed like they were both trying to win a staring contest. Not until the silence was broken by Joel’s laughter. “Kiddo, that’s nothing new to me! I thought you both were already together before I left the goddamn country.” Joel said as he snorted laughing too hard at Ellie’s face. You observed Ellie as she had her mouth agape and staring blankly at Joel. “Oh, fuck you.” Ellie spat as they both laughed. “I’m happy for y’all. Really.” Joel reassured as he looked at you. “I never knew you had it in ya.” You blushed in embarassment as you gripped at Ellie’s arm. She chuckled and kicked Joel’s foot. “Sorry, sorry.. I was just sayin’ “

“It must be hard for ya, since ya know.. your parents.” Joel spoke hesitantly as he tried to look for any expressions on your face that were a sign of discomfort. There weren’t any. “I moved out a couple of years ago and I haven’t contacted them since.” You smiled as you fiddled with your hands. “That must’ve felt horrible, i’m so sorry to have brought it up kiddo.” Joel smiled.

“I think you’re great for Ellie. Really.” Your eyes widened as you realized the contradiction of what you had just said earlier and snapped your gaze directly at Ellie’s. Ellie smirked and gave you a look telling you “I told you so”.

“I have seen none in this life that I saw better for Ellie.” You softly smiled as you looked at Joel, waiting for him to continue his sentence. “I know that I might have not made you feel like I liked you, especially when you were a kid. But I know that no one made Ellie happier than you. I know you’re a great person, y/n.”

“And I know that ya might not have felt like you’ve been accepted. But i’m always here to also stand as your father. Ya know that right? I’m not always showy. Even Ellie knows that.” Ellie chuckled as she nodded. “Just know that i’ve always treated you as my own, babygirl.” Joel nodded as he reached for your hand. Tightly gripping it. “Oh, come on now. Don’t be a sap.” Ellie interrupted as you all shared laughters again.

“I am genuinely happy though.” Joel nodded as he both looked at you and Ellie. “You both are perfect for eachother.”

After the meeting, you felt euphoric. You were so glad that Joel loved you. But then again, there were no reason for him not to. Your behavior when you were a child was nothing compared to now, he admired your growth as a person and you knew that you would influence Ellie greatly.

“I love you.” Ellie blurted out. You looked at her with a confused look.

“I love you too. What’s wrong?” You chuckled as you seemed taken aback by the sudden exchange of iloveyou’s.

“I don’t know. I just felt like I haven’t said that enough.” Ellie looked down at her feet, fiddling with her hands. You frowned as you took a step close to Ellie, pulling her in to your embrace. “I just feel like I have wasted all these years in my life being a coward instead of feeling your touch and love like how i’m doing right now.”

You sighed as you cupped Ellie’s cheeks. “It’s not only you to blame you know? I was dumb too.” You laughed as you felt Ellie’s body soften with your touch.

You were in that verge too. You wanted to blame yourself for not accepting yourself sooner but you were still glad that you did anyway. You were happy that even though in the most darkest times… Like the times that you would ignore her because you were jealous or because you just didn’t want to talk to her because you were having another one of your crisis. She was still there. And it was selfish, you knew that. But you were glad that she was still there for you to claim as yours.

You could’ve never found that love for Xavier. He was just one of your facades that you had to escape to find the true happiness within. It was Ellie. And it will always forever be Ellie.

In this society, Lesbians have been nothing but fetishized. Always stereotyped to the point that you were scared of the oppression you had to face.

And that’s the thing you have always been scared of, society. It always seemed like it was you vs. 7 billion people in this world. But the truth is? you’re not alone. And in fact, you’ll never be.

You wish you could’ve just been like Ellie, she came out as a free woman without giving a fuck. And she always had that fighting spirit within that you wish you could achieve. But you knew deep inside that she was also struggling as much as you.

If loving you wasn’t considered as a sin, I would’ve loved you to my full potential.

If loving you wasn’t a part of being condemned, I would’ve married you and took you to the aisle of my favorite church and prayed that we would be eternal.

If loving you wasn’t wrong, I would’ve realized that it was you all along. And I wouldn’t have to be with someone that I knew I didn’t want.

I’ve lived with two hearts, the other one was loving you and the other one was pretending that I didn’t.

#ellie williams tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #the last of us #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #lesbian #female reader #tlou #lgbtqia #tloufic #tlou2 #tlou fanfiction

[lilicannotfly]

Azul Ship Headcanons

So I already made a thread ranking(?? Judging?? I dunno lols) all the Azul ships I care about and so here's a post with headcanons for them and I have important things to do but shhh don't remind me and I won't remind you :)

Azuvil 🐙👑

I dunno all my energy for this ship died but I think it would be fun to write or read or work with because imagine they're both doing it for like appearances or something else of that manner and someone catches feelings or something but also they both think the other one thinks it's real from the beginning ??? So fake dating but extra steps. There's like this one fic that put this into my head but I don't remember the name lols

Azujami 🐙🐍

I really already explained this in the tweet but yeah this is only good when they get together after university (not NRC, but after they graduate and then graduate uni) and then get married and then divorced and then the story is them healing at fifty. Perhaps they become just friends, perhaps Azul learns to leave well enough alone, perhaps Jamil gets mad, perhaps they go their own ways, maybe one of them dies ?? I dunno this would seem fun to play around with :)

Jeiazu 🐬🐙

I don't really have anything to say about this, except if you aren't related or already in different relationship, being business partners? Pretty gay ngl. Pretty queer.

Floazu 🦈🐙

Do I have to write about this? Why did I include it. This is not a ship I care about like at all :/ Bumping it down to 1/10 ya'know I hate the childhood friends to lovers trope? It's too messy why would you date your childhood bestie I would let her kill me yes have we spoken in years no but would I date her no. No that's silly. I despise the trope actually. Please get it out of my face ahhhhh anyways

Azuide 🐙💀

I don't know why I included this either errrrr.. though I feel like they would bond over chess. The whole thing with the game of life in the comic anthology was pretty funny and I feel like working with a relationship with them would be very silly because it would be like that all the time and also neither of them know how to give or recieve affection properly so lols

Azurook 🐙🏹

As I said, this is literally just Rook being like "ooh interesting what if...I hunted you down??" and me projecting my unhealthy relationship with attention onto Azul. Oops.

Also I wanna be able to come up with cool ship names TwT I wanna come up with something like eight tailed arrow or something but everytime I try it sounds so stupidddddd how do y'all do itttttt I'm sure there are other people who have come up with this ship and maybe I just sound stupid let's move on.

Lizu/Water Spirit 👻🐙

Okay so this is really a crackship like she found him not up to standard but imagine if she didn't and also imagine if they got married and imagine if the whole story was just them healing in the afterlife?? That would be pretty cool imo :) So yeah that's it. It's gotta be awful to be seventeen for five hundred years and I'm gonna be honest I don't remember how she died so maybe she could work through that and Azul can work through his self worth issues and body issues, especially that he is now without a proper form. It would be cute, imagine it !

Zuel/Sailor's Lungs 🐙🫁

'Cause selfship names have no rules !!! But also this doesn't even count even because we're literally the same guy (not like I am him or vise versa but more like we're similar) so it would be like dating a fucked up mirror. Selfcest 😭😭😭 Zero out of ten, moving on.

AzuRid 🐙🌹

I forgot to include this in the original thread, oops. They're t4t lesbians (transfem riddle and transmasc nonbinary azul <3) and also in love and also the healthiest relationship here (shhh these are my headcanons I do what I want they get along beautifully once they get together) and also happy !!! Finally !!! And also they would be fun to work with because academic rivals to lovers is always fun. (I know these images are crispy as hell shhhhhhh don't mention it)

End of Headcanons !!!

If you have more please share I need more things to read to distract me from my schoolwork because my eyes hurt and my bones hurt an d I need to do something <3

#my thoughts #my headcanons #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto twst #ships #azuvil #azujami #jeiazu #floazu hate kinda sorry #azuide #azurook #lizu #selfship but hating on it but it's me i'm hating on myself it's fine lmao #and i'm not even hating it's just kinda selfcest and that's dumb #I would NOT let myself hit #just so you know :) #azurid #twst ships #ship headcanons #kinda??? #Erm #Well #I need to go to bed #hm #g'night

[the---hermit]

What were you like when you were 19?

Hi anon I hope you know that this ask has sent me down an existential crisis because it's been almost 5 years, and no I hadn't realized, and I am struggling to write an answer. I have wrote and deleated stuff a couple of times cause I am not sure how to word things. 19 year old me was going through a lot. Let's say that was a time of change, both positive and negative. (as if that isn't the case with most things in life). It's certainly marked me quite strongly. At I had finished with high school, which felt like a liberation. I celebrated going through an incledibly holiday aroud Europe with three friends of mine. That holiday really did something to me. I remember having terrible panic attacks before leaving because I was so scared and felt overwhelmed, but I faced it and I went. It was an emotional rollacoaster, but by the end I had so much fun. That journey is to this day one of the biggest personal victories of my life, I don't know how I did it but I did it (which is ironicly enough a good description of that whole year, and most of my life actually). At 19 I also started going to uni, which was a much needed academic change. I didn't have the best of time in high school, and I starting my uni journey brought me a new joy and enthousiasm for studying and learning. It was also quite complicated to figure out out uni worked, and how I had to study (it took me a lot of time to find a proper study method for uni let me tell you). What really marked that year is the fact that a very close friendship degenerated into an incredibly toxic relationship that then thankfully found its end, not in the best way, but it did end. I don't want to go into details for obvious personal reasons, but let's just say that things went bad and worst in waves. I got to a point where I would wake up feeling panicky and had anxiety turning on my phone in the mornings. I felt like I was emotioally responsable for this person which made me hesitate ending things, I was stuck in a limbo that really fucked me up. Things ended not in the best way, but they did, and althought my anxiety revolving that took months to die out I felt like I was reborn. Sadly this friendship ended with me losing other friends as well, but if I didn't burn that bridge I don't really know what would have been of me. This event marked not only that year but me as well, it clearly effected me a lot, and as I said it marked a final change in my life. In a way I feel like I am again in a new fase of change at the moment although differently. So 19 year old me was a little stuck and a little lost at best. As I said complicated times. But I am proud of 19 year old me becuase they still prove to me that I can get back up, even after bad falls that hurt more than just a bit.

Overall when I think about this stuff I can't comprehend how some people when thinking about past versions of themselves feel cringe and embarassment. I was and still am a very embarassing creature, believe in me, but the more years pass and the more I look back at old versions of me and see how much of a badass they were. I don't feel cringe about my teenege self, when I was in middle or high school. When I look back at them I feel pride, if they went through all they went through, and still got back up again, it means I can do it again now. That gives me some hope in myself.

Okay this degenerated in a longer reflection that I intended, I am not sure you were hoping for such a answer. As I said those were complicated times, and they were made of a lot of changes that brought with them a lot of negative and positive feelings. I am, as I said, very curious on why you asked for 19 yo specifically (sooo, you know send me another ask to tell me). I will now go pondering on how time is fake and it can't have been that long ago. I hope you'll have a good day.

#yo this was a lot #i don't want to sound like i am crying over what my life was at the time kids it wasn't my worst year but most importatly it's the past #i hope i explained myself clearly i don't want to say more for personal reasons but i also want to be honest with how complicated things ar #that is why in my daily posts i talk about how i feel even if it's bad it's to remind people that hey life is shit sometimes but #we gotta go through it cause there is no other option #i don't know why i am this reflective today anon you did something to me #ask #asked #asks #answered #personal #anon #cris speaks #the---hermit

[pompadourpink]

Hi! I feel hopeless. I just dont get along with my family

So here's the thing. I wanted to study abroad. They cried and accused me of being selfish. So i studied for our national uni exam ( +8 hours a day for all the year) . I almost lost my mind. I lost my mental well being. I was at home all the year. Now i became successful. But my life is a hell still. I want to spend my summer holiday here in our home. They wanna go to country ( where there is nothing for me to do,no friends, not even a mall) they wanna do garden stuff. And my mum cries and tells me she wants to spend time with me. So i accept staying there for one fucking month even though i dont want to. They always accuse me things that make me hate myself. They pushed me through this academic way, i was found gifted. They made me take all these tests, they said i shouldnt study abroad or study hard. My dad is angry that i want to take a prep year in uni ( which everyone takes here) like wtf. We just dont get along. I dont understand them at all and to be honest im too mentally tired to cope with them. I almost lost my mind this year, i think i deserve a break seriously. What should i do? They always cry and blame me and then i do what they want. All my life. But im still bad. And still selfish.

Hello dear,

I first want to ask you this: if it was anyone else in the world, would you allow them to treat you this way? Would you allow a teacher, classmate, neighbour, to tell you what to do, torment you, and make you miserable? Just because someone shares DNA with you doesn't mean they get permission to treat you like garbage and get away with it. Parents owe unconditional love, not kids.

It's not about you. Bullies do what they do because they hurt and have not healed - what you are is a coping mechanism, a punching ball, an easy target. You could objectively be a parent's wet dream and it wouldn't fix the way they treat you, because they're not trying to make you better, they're trying to make themselves feel good. Remember that South Park episode where Kyle's dad, a miserable man turned online bully, inadvertently drives a woman to sui(ide and is flabbergasted that she did it because he never saw it as a possibility, never thought about her feelings. There's nothing in the world you can do to make things better because if it wasn't you, it would be someone else, and if you didn't want to leave, they'd find something else to bother you about. When someone wants a reason to be mad, they'll always manage to find one. It can get better only if they decide to go to therapy and start getting better - which they might never do. This is not your fault and you do not deserve any of it.

Regarding your studies, go and don't look back. You will feel guilty, sure, because you've been raised to have a sense of duty towards family and absolutely no spine, but you already do, so at least you'll feel guilty while finally doing what you want, what you won't have another opportunity to do, what will get you closer to your goals - and you will be by yourself, free of negative energy, able to start healing and realise how good and strong you are. "I shouldn't have done it" is a crappy feeling but "Shit, I should have done it" is even worse.

What should you do? One, find another support system. Sadly, you will not get a change of behaviour, apology, or the unconditional love you've been craving from them. Find other people you can trust. Stop sharing your plans, goals or thoughts with them: you're not going to make them feel bad and change, you're just handing them new ways to hurt you. Stop putting your hand in the lion's mouth and wondering why you're bleeding. Become a grey rock. Two, find yourself. Go through your beliefs, traditions, principles, and wonder what actually fits the person you are; look for would you rather questions online, watch a lot of movies, read a lot of books, travel, meet people, find out what's inside, underneath all of that pain. Three, rebrand. Treat yourself like your own young child. If your eight-year-old had forgotten to do the dishes, would you call them names and ground them? No, you would say that's okay baby, you didn't do anything wrong, let's put a little music on and do them now together.

Also, check out the malks tag and look for relationship advice - someone who has been abused as a kid will get a very unhealthy, transactional idea of love and is likely to get into abusive relationships (with a romantic partner or a friend), and you have enough to heal from already. Protect yourself.

I would obviously encourage you to get a therapist. If you can't, feel free to reach out, there are a few books and websites I can send you.

Much love,

Mum

#ask #malks

[hwangsies]

I feel so fucking alone bruh

I suck at uni, barely have any friends and have literally not left my house in two weeks. Just now i was talking to my mom abt it but all she had to say was pff i never had many friends either. But then again what did i expect, a hug? right

Last night i was supposed to go out with a friend but she cancelled on me last minute because she was feeling sick, like thats no problem at all, i mean yea i was bummed bc i was excited to get out of the house again but like dont force yourself to go out with me if you feel bad yk?

Anyway i texted my bestfriend, who recently moved a little further away which kinda made it so we cant see each other as much anymore, that said friend had cancelled on me and that i feel shitty bc im hanging around at home again.

I texted her at like 7 pm she answered at 2 am saying „why didnt you say something you could’ve come to my cousins birthday party with me“ which i know she didnt mean maliciously but like,,, i did say something tho?

Maybe im being dramatic, i dont know i just feel left behind.

I know i basically abandoned this account and am a sucky moot but i literally didnt know where else to vent.

Now im sitting on my bed after the interaction above with my mother took place like 15 minutes ago, crying. After her comment i just left for my room again, knowing it wont happen but silently hoping that she maybe realised that what i told her wasnt about her but again, i was disappointed.

I could tell her shes being a narcissist, that she always was one but then i would just get the „yea ur right im such an awful mother“ treatment and i dont trust myself to not chuck a plate at her if i have to hear that again.

You know she has never in my 21 years of life apologised to me, let alone comforted me when i cried alone in my room after a fight, which we regularly had.

Shes not a bad mother though, i relate to her alot and we’re similar in alot of ways shich is probably why we fought so much while i was growing up. Shes fun and chill and mostly uncomplicated, cynical and blunt which i always admired and never held me to weirdly high academic standards.

Im more sensitive than her tho, which i get from my dad, which i dont think she can handle very well, sometimes yes, other times it ends like it did just now; me crying in my room and her being clueless.

Or maybe she isnt clueless and just doesn’t feel like dealing with me. But that would make her seem awful and i don’t want to think of her like that.

My father is sweet, often times oblivious though and not as „life smart“ as my mom, (is that mean to say? Idk) he avoids us on purpose when we got into a fight.

He is extremely non confrontational and never takes sides, if he does its my mothers because he doesn’t want to be her next target probably. He cant stand up to her like me and my brother can.

But i guess thats the only pro of being raised by someone like that. The biggest con however is that i find myself displaying that narcissistic victim mentality sometimes too.

I dont know how that friend cancelling on me yesterday snowballed into this weird lovechild between a whiny complaint and an autobiography lol but i guess i had it pent up.

If you’ve read this far.. lmao why? but thanks for listening i guess <3

[andthebubbles]

i just. feel like rambling. bc. yet another sexuality crisis LMAO

so i've gone from ... ace, to maybe lesbian to bi very quickly, bi for ages, then some sort of 'i think i get romantically attracted to men but not physically attracted to them, and physically attracted to women but not romantically attracted to them', then... back to ace, then panromantic ace, then... hecc, maybe i'm a lesbian but like... idk if i want sex/kissing, even if i might be attracted to girls in all ways...

i made a thirst blog yesterday. it's all the thirst blog's fault that we're now having yet another crisis~

i feel like heteronormativity has played a huge part in all of this. like, just feeling like you should like guys...

i remember when i was about 10 maybe? and i was at my cousin's house. and one of them just got a girlfriend (they're both male (and older than me)). and it just made no sense to me then, why would you go out with a girl, get married to a girl, if you're a guy.

in hindsight i had a crush on a girl called heidi when we were 11. my parents lol sent me to coaching to prep for the selective school test, and there was this girl there, and i don't remember her much now, but she was quiet and lovely and i just wanted to be with her all the time. anyway, coaching lasted two weeks, and i never saw her again :( (we didn't miraculously end up at the same high school, although i think a few people from her primary school ended up going to my high school, and i did ask about her in yr 7, and i thinkkk i know which high school she ended up going to but like. you don't just go over there lol. also we didn't exchange emails or whatever)

when i was 14 or so? i had this (piano) concert at someone's place, and there was this one other person doing his recital there on the cello, and maybe this was a second crush, although this one felt more like ~i should like him because he's a guy (i went to a girls high school)

when i was 16/17 i sorta half changed friend groups (which academically turned out to be a great thing because most of them were fucking smart which, you know, body doubling); anyway we're not going to name this bitch so we shall call her J. i think i... sorta knew/thought i might like her by the time i was 17, i just... you know, wanted to do the romantic shit with her and all that (hand holding, kissing, etc). (later when we were 18 iirc i found out that she did like me at this stage (when we were at school) (and later (at uni) she did not.)) but at the same time i was like, well i don't know any guys, maybe if i meet one i'll find that i didn't actually like her. so i waited till uni to meet some guys to test this theory out.

guys suck, btw. skjfgnkfjng no they really DO. anyway so... i did some digging, and found out from my maybe best friend from high school that, yeah, J used to like me but didn't anymore, but i was stupid and a wreck so about a week later iirc we went for a walk in the nearby park and i nervously told her i liked her. and yeah. don't do that. lmao. in my defence i was 18

but anyway flash forward a few months iirc; we did remain friends. and i can't remember how it happened but we decided to date, maybe she thought she liked me again, idk. so iirc we hung out ONCE, went to sushi train, i can't even remember if we held hands, we didn't kiss. two weeks later, she was like, yeah actually i think i'm straight.

she started dating this dickhole guy shortly after, like, maybe a month or two after. and he started... being there during the group outings, and being annoying af.

anyway this part here ^ is the story of how i lost pretty much all of my high school friends by the time i turned 19. (and when i switched majors when i was 20 i lost the few uni friends i had as well. whatever)

when i was 19/20 i had this online friend who i met via LJ via the fandom we were both in at the time. um, we were together for a few short months, maybe when i was 20, whatever the HELL that means when you're in entirely separate countries AND different hemispheres. anyway i did ruin this 'relationship' lol. but i did learn a lot from it

i remember i liked this girl when i was 22 who was in the course/degree i was doing at the time. but she was probably straight, and i was tired of trying. (and also very depressed lmao, from when i was 18 to 27ish tbh)

when i was 28, iirc, i reconnected with this guy who i'd known when i was 14/15/16ish. we're 11 years apart. when i was 14-16 i did always think he has very nice eyes. nice eyes do not make a crush btw!! but anyway, at 28 i was lonely enough that when he said he liked me, well... yeah, we were a couple for a bit. until i was 30, actually, and the lockdown gave me an excuse to dump him easily HAHA

i have never been attracted to a guy's body. the faces tend to be okay, but everything from the neck down is gross. GROSS. i mean, hands can be nice, and wrists, but, his weren't lol.

um, also, i should mention that he's an alcoholic. not a violent/angry one, thankfully, but hellishly inconsistent/unreliable, so that... that can ruin you. because you end up being unable to rely on them, trust that they'll show up, trust that they won't be some level of drunk when they show up, you don't even know what state you'll find them in, it's just bullshit. (i don't think anyone's gonna read this post, or if they do, certainly not in its entirety/down this far, but this is the reason why i hate hawk as much as i do. a relationship based on hope is bullshit. and i know this ^ isn't identical to hawk and tim, but in terms of ~relationships based on hope, yeah, it is, and i have a very low tolerance of that bullshit now)

anyway. back to the sex/attraction stuff. having sex with someone you're not attracted to is really boring. SKJGNKG. but we did do very mildly kinky stuff; he wasn't very into it. i was, obviously, but not particularly with him.

----(maybe this stuff below is TMI)----

i find sex quite... nice. like, having stuff done to me is... nice. kissing is not nice, it's too wet and saliva-ey and it smells, and i don't like it when the wet stuff goes past your lips to your chin, for example. and i don't like putting my mouth on stuff where e.g. pee also fucking comes out of. plus, it smells, it smellsssss of piss and/or sweat and whatever the fuck else, i don't understand

but now i wonder, if i was attracted to the person; if i was attracted to the girl, then maybe this would all become lovely? lol i remember thinking when i was having sex with this twat, that... he could've been anyone, he could've been a toy you'd buy from a sex shop, and i'd get the same pleasure out of it; HE didn't matter (sadly, i suppose)

--------

anyway. anyway, idk, now i just... idk. i guess i'll just keep wondering till i meet someone else i like. unlikely to happen, i suppose, because i don't really try anymore, and irl i just hide all of my real self. also, it's kinda hard to date girls unless you really try for it, or you come out, but i don't see why i have to come out if straight people don't have to come out, but ngl at this point it's starting to feel like dishonesty to yourself when people keep assuming that you're straight and you let that happen

#lets hope the read more cut works the first time this time >.> #me.txt #this got long. whoops #i'm not quite sure if it's a ~complete history. but near enough i suppose

[baekhvuns]

hey sunbae ik im probably sending this in a bad timing but i genuinely feel like the dumbest person in the world due to my grades in uni and i know this is not accurate ive been in constant psicological treatment since i was like 9 but i keep feeling i have no strenght or intelligence to do things what do you and baekhvuns villagers suggest i really dn what to do atp

-hoobae anon

no no it’s not!! sorry i went on a whole tangent on here bc this is quite similar to what i used to feel 😭 tho anyone! pls feel free to add on!!!

ooooooo okay this was me in my first year in uni, absolute rock bottom as in like academic probation and all </3 but id say from what i did- this actually sounds so stupid but id stumble upon those ‘inspo reels’ that would show like A+‘s and 100%’s which! made me want to replicate it and it actually works, like i shit u not i kept seeing them and id say to myself “damn ok fine lemme do that to”

find the inspiration to get thru your classes— again sounds like an absolute dumb thing to say but those reels with “idk why im doing this” to “my daughter is a ____” is one thing that riled me up. i was self talking and being “if this person can, why can’t i? what’s stopping me?” instead of being scared as fuck, id be looking forward to it (like looking up the syllabus or past course outlines from previous years + past assignments to get a knowledge of how things are meant to be done and what the specific teacher likes)

i think ur probably experiencing overwhelming of work in which case, literally for a day or two, do not think about your uni. just relax, put a movie on, be lazy, get good sleep and stop questioning yourself or blaming yourself AND then when u get back to studying— physically write things u have to do, it’ll make you want to do the things more !!

visualize yourself getting those grades and those honours, do literally anything for that grade, extra help, ask the teacher, email the TA’s, go to your academic advisors, bother + communicate the hell out of them (bc u paid shit ton so might as well get good out of it) + try to understand what ur studying style is, mine is hands on tho unfort i didn’t realize that until later— if u have readings given to u, print them out and highlight, write or draw over them !!!

also take a time limited approach in which you schedule your tasks, ask if “can i get this done in 2 hrs? or how much can i get done in 2hrs?” (set timers or do the methods of 2 hour study, 1hour break for walking around, eating and more) divide it into sections and get on with it, yes procrastination will be present, u will question everything but it’ll also motivate you to do better, it’ll make you feel as if your excited to study and not have it as a burden on u !!!

#✉️ : ask #hoobae anon

[crazgreenenvy]

Ageism on Campus

It’s me, I’m the ageist. This is a rant about working in an academic advisement office but not actually being an advisor.

One of the biggest pains of working on a college campus is dealing with people older than your parents expecting you (because you sit behind a desk with a computer screen) to have all the information and be able to do everything they ask. Sorry sir, I’m a student employee. I get paid 11.50/hr to be here. It doesn’t even pay my rent. This is my SECOND job. Yes I can see your miserable gpa but I can’t do any overrides or register you for classes.

Maybe next time don’t wait till the day the course starts to try and solve this issue. You’re 70 years old and trying to take an algebra course- this cannot be a priority for anyone involved.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for lifelong learning. Go get it people of every age, background, etc! But expecting the university campus to conform to your inability to keep up with technological advancements is ludicrous. Our advisors don’t have PHONES. I, the person at the front desk dealing with your rude stares and huffing, I have the phone. I have to tell people constantly ‘advisors don’t have phones’ when they ask to speak with one. Advisors make APPOINTMENTS. They cannot just take calls out of the blue like that. Our advisors even made the switch to 50/50 IP and remote appointments to accommodate all the individuals who cannot make it to campus because of the pandemic. But they don’t have PHONES. They do shit over zoom, like everyone else who moved to be more accessible since 2019.

The reason they phased out stuff like phones (other than a single phone kit from the university costing at minimum $500 per advisor): We have to stay on top of shit, if we don’t we will not be able to attract new students. You know why retirees and old folks aren’t allowed to register until the 5 days leading up to classes starting? Because they aren’t the future. They are the past, they had their chance and if when your time to register for the intro math course comes up and it’s full, that’s not my fault, It’s not the advisors fault. It’s LITERALLY nobody’s fault. Going to uni now, when everything has increased 700% in cost is dumb and if you didn’t have the opportunity when you were younger I’m sorry, but it’s someone else’s turn now. So when you walk in 1hr before the course you’re failing at registering for and demand someone come out and fix the issue, I can look up your info. See nothing (because I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO EVERYTHING) and tell you “I can make you an appointment for tomorrow”. Cuz we can’t accommodate walk-ins over the summer. That’s when new student orientation is. Our advisors are splitting their time between their appointments and the NSO shit they have to do. But you don’t want to hear that. Instead you want to complain that there’s only 3 seats left in the math course and should you bother buying the textbook (to which I said ‘never buy the text book, check the library first’ and this man legit glared at me for my #reallygoodadvice)

And the fact that I have like 14 signs posted around me saying NO WALKINS OVER THE SUMMER which are apparently written in another language to these people makes me fucking miserable. The fact that I, a soft spoken introvert with years of therapy under my belt have to SHOUT to communicate with these people (cuz they can’t hear. YOU CAN’T HEAR. AND YOU’RE GOING INTO A LECTURE OF 200???) which gives me a mini anxiety episode everytime because I DON’T LIKE YELLING makes me fucking miserable. But in their eyes I have all the answers, because of course I do.

Did I mention these people are usually white, btw? So seeing the Black chick behind the desk makes it a lot easier for them to #unleashthebeast

aNYhoW. I don’t know what else to say except this was such a Monday thing that happened to me and I’m sick of it but I’ll be back tomorrow bright and early to more than likely deal with this person again.

[indigodawns]

.

#so I really wanted to go to the karaoke thing organised by our study association tonight #bc yesterday we had dinner with a few people from our course and it was really nice and one of them is #on the committee and she told us we should come and I've never been at a karaoke thing before and I wanna experience that #also the girl who asked is rly cute u know #but I slept for like 5hrs tonight and I've been feeling a wee bit Drained too and just fell asleep for 2hrs and also the karaoke is starting #exactly now. I could still have dinner and get dressed and go but also. sleep. #it just sucks bc I never follow through on social stuff and I really wanna do more things like that like it's our last semester man #and I now have one of my uni friends who's quite social to help me along but she's already there now so hng. #it sucks tbh like I was chatting to my mum and asking how she ever had the energy to go out loads and she was like idk we just did #where is my energy then!!! why didn't my meds fix that toooo #anyways I'm. not gonna go it's too late so I'm gonna go eat the leftovers of the risotto leonie (whomst I miss a lot) made #read the witcher fic or smth. have a me-night before we gotta work on a presentation tomorrow #I just. I don't regret anything I did in cardiff but man do I wish I'd gone out more I really really wanted to #same for the rest of my bachelor. and it's honestly so fucking scary that I'm gonna be done soon #also hopefully no one is reading anymore but I am kinda proud of the results I got in Cardiff and one of my profs there sent me #a rly nice email. honestly I just love academics I know it's fucking useless and the earth is dying and people are too and here we are #staring at old books and saying stuff about them. but it just feels like this is Right for me yknow #it's about the being useless™ #anyways. ily all. life is weird (but I'm obvs very happy and grateful to be where I am and ik I'm lucky too)

[erodasfishtacos]

Not Your Charity Case

prompt: Harry is a frat boy - who doesn’t need sympathy from anyone. He makes Y/N feel a sense of home when they’re together. But is Harry just like every stereotypical frat boy?

word count: 6.2k 

warnings: minor violence, language, deaf!harry, smutttt

other: when Harry is talking to Y/N or any other characters - it is to be noted that he is signing. When Y/N talks to Harry - she is also always signing

Let me know if you’d want to see anything else from this verse:)

+++

You were rushed - you really shouldn’t stop at the local coffee shop for a sugary, delicious mocha chip frappuccino.

Despite what people say, professors are much more lax and carefree in college.

It was about two weeks into the new semester, - your third here- and the seasons were changing - becoming autumn.

Chilled breezes, falling leaves, and vivid colors of nature made you happy.

When you arrive in line, there are two people ahead of you. A girl currently in front of the cashier and a tall male with a red and black flannel on behind her- typing away on his phone.

When she moves to the left, the broad man steps forward. His snapback facing backwards, brown curls dancing around his neck. You can’t help but notice how tall and lean he is, shoulders broad and straight.

You definitely haven’t seen him before on campus. You’d remember.

From what you can see, he shows the young girl behind the counter the screen of his phone without saying anything at all.

The raven-haired girl’s face pinches in annoyance. “We don’t accept orders like that. You need to tell me what you want.”

You’re a little surprised by both the rude cashier but also the man who doesn’t respond right away.

He attempts to show her his phone again but she shakes her head - annoyed.

You become interested in the situation when I watch him sign, a few gestures before pointing to his ears. In the most obvious form of saying “I can’t hear.”

The clueless girl gives him a blank look, “Listen, there’s a line. I don’t have time for this.”

You hoped you weren’t overstepping your boundaries when you slide up next to him, tapping him on his shoulder to get his attention.

It is a bit startling how gorgeous the boy is. He was tanned with bright green-eyes and a defined jawline that was currently clenched in frustration.

You sign, “What are you trying to order?”

He studies you for a second with hesitance before his long slim fingers begin to move, slowly as if he thinks you may be inexperienced in the form of language.

He replies, “Large coffee with a little cream and two sugars.”

You squeeze in front of him, “It is not only rude but illegal to not serve based on disabilities. Refusing an order from a deaf person isn’t moral or acceptable.”

The girl has enough decency to mumble an apology and turned bright pink, “Sorry, he doesn’t look deaf. “You roll your eyes - how can you tell that someone is deaf based on solely appearance? This girls a fucking idiot, you think.

You repeat his order to her, along with yours - sliding your debit card towards her and give her your name for the order.

The man trails behind you to the small waiting area. “Thank you,” he signs simply. You nod and return the pleasantry. The. hand him his steaming hot coffee.

“Thank you again. I’m going to be late to class, so I have to go,” he tells me, seeming a little out of place signing with a stranger.

“Go ahead, I’ll see you around.” It was the first time in a long time you’ve signed to anyone outside your family.

+++

Sipping your drink as you are only five minutes late and the class hasn’t even started yet. The man you just helped was sat in the back of the classroom, unloading his laptop.

With a little bravery, you wriggle your way through and plop into the wooden chair easily. Letting your backpack fall to the ground. Curly looks over at you with a frown, he signs, “Why are you sitting next to me?”

You blush, “I don’t know? Thought it’d be good to have someone to talk to.”

His hands are tense as he replies, “I’m not a charity case, so you can leave me alone.”

“Never said you were,” you huff when you tell him. Not appreciating how rude he was being. Signing had its own tones and expressions so to speak. For example, when someone is happy their signs and movements are different than when they’re sad or frustrated.

Harry seems to be the latter. You wrestle out your laptop to the PowerPoint that was going to be discussed today in class. You noticed Harry stared very intently at the professor to read his lips and expression.

You was surprised he didn’t have an interpreter with him but you’re sure he got special accommodations elsewhere. Even though that was absolutely none of your business.

His shoulders are tensed and he makes sure your arms don’t brush like you have cooties for the entire two hours. The nameless boy is up and out of his seat as soon as the professor shuts off the projector and turns on the lights - signaling class to be over.

Well fuck him then.

***

You don’t make the mistake to sit next him again. But that doesn’t mean you could ogle his strong muscular back and big hands.

It wasn’t your place to care but you felt twinges in your tummy when you noticed him struggling to keep up with the fast-speed class on certain days.

You were in the large, rustic library that smelled of old books and damp wallpaper. It was dead silent as people furiously studied or worked on papers due.

As you paced the shelves, you could not find the book you needed for your American Literature class. Fuck the Dewey Decimal System.

Part-time uni students probably just stuffed returned books in any open space they saw fit. But you need this book in particular, a discussion board post due by midnight and it was currently eight-thirty. They had ran out of copies at the on-campus bookstore.

After a valiant effort, you trudge up to the checkout counter. A little sign reads, “ring me if no ones here!”

You impatiently ring the silver bell. But no one comes. You give whoever is working a minute or two but nothing. Another ring it is.

Silence. No one. Of fucking course, luck is not on your side tonight.

You dramatically clunk your head onto the high counter top in front of you - groaning at the fact you may fail the assignment.

A tentative pat on your shoulder makes you snap your head up. To see the boy you’ve been constantly avoiding standing behind the checkout desk.

“Are you okay?” He asks. He had a name-tag on - Harry. He honestly looked a bit out of place. Harry appeared to be a frat boy. He was still had a boyish air about him but an intensity that was unmatchable.

He didn’t look like he would work in the library. He looked like...well he looked like he would be a beer pong referee or something.

You couldn’t see below his torso but he had a plain black snapback on and a vintage Elton John concert tee. A cross necklace dangling over the worn shirt.

You smile, embarrassed, but reply, “Just being dramatic. I can’t find a book and I was waiting here.”

There’s mirth in his eyes when he points to the bell,”Did you ring the bell?”

Your brows furrow, “I did.”

“Well I can’t hear it, I’m deaf,” he deadpans with a straight face and a dry sense of humor.

You roll your eyes, laughing nervously, “I didn’t know you were working!”

“What do you need?”

He helps you locate the book in two minutes flat before checking you out and you rushing home to finish the homework.

You felt bad ignoring your little sister’s FaceTime calls but you promised to call her back tomorrow. 

***

Though once again, you hadn’t interacted with Harry since last week - you constantly found yourself studying his stoic profile or fast moving fingers.

You would never befriend Harry because you feel bad for him - like he presumed. You enjoyed American Sign Language and it actually made you feel back at home.

You’re little sister was born completely deaf. She was much younger than you - eight years old. Fifteen years apart to be exact. You learned the language along with her and your parents.

When you were at home and your sister was there - you guys tried to only sign so she didn’t feel left out. So Harry felt like home - a little despite his completely off-putting demeanor. It made you a little bit more persistent than with any other frat boy.

***

The bulletin board in your advisor’s office caught your eyes. None of the little tabs ripped off in interest.

‘Student with ASL experience and above a 3.5 GPA needed for tutoring sessions - twice weekly. $16 dollars an hour.’

After your meeting, you tugged the little scrap of paper off and tuck it into your pocket. You couldn’t know for sure if it was Harry but you didn’t know of any other deaf students in the program.

You say ‘fuck it’ and type out an email to the advisor of academic affairs and accommodations to throw your hat in the ring.

***

You don’t hear back for three days - nearly forgetting about it in the mean time. Your eyes scan quickly over the email to grant you the position. They include contact information for no other than Harry Styles.

After psyching yourself out a little and a few paces across your kitchen tiles - you text him.

Hey! I’m your new assigned tutor. Would you like to set up a time and place? As well as what kind of help you’re looking for.

The reply text comes shortly after

Hello, thank you very much. I am just in need of hearing ears. I am deaf and have a hard time keeping up with the my professor. I have begun recording the lectures in hope that you can sign then to me.

Sure thing. That won’t be a problem!

I live in Alpha Sigma on 3rd street. I have my own room. I’d rather not have the tutoring session in public. However, if that makes you uncomfortable - we can figure something out.

You take a minute to debate. You understand why this would be a task too loud for the library and why he’d want privacy. You didn’t feel like I’d be uncomfortable with him.

I saw twice a week so does Tuesday and Thursday at seven work?

Sounds great. Thank you again x

Did he know it was me? Was he expecting it to me?

***

He was definitely not expecting you. You automatically knew that by the way his friendly smile dissipated into a frown when he opened the door for you.

You attempted to look nice today without trying too hard. A loose crop top with the university’s name, a pair of tight black leggings, bulky white socks bunched at your ankles, and white sneakers. Very 80’s.

You try to keep your composure, “Hi Harry, I’m going to be your tutor.”

He slowly nods at you, huffing out a breathe of irritation before inviting you into the frat house.

You’d only been here once or twice for a party so you had no idea what the house actually looked like when there weren’t bodies and booze everywhere.

He’s walking you past a group of boys playing FIFA on the flatscreen in the living room, white claws open everywhere.

“Y/N! Hey babe!” You look over to see Niall - one of your good friends from your part-time job at the bookstore - trotting over to you guys.

The blonde pulls you into an overexcited hug. He reminded you of a cuddly, soft puppy dog most of the time.

“Are you Harry’s little tutor?” Niall coos, leaning over to pinch Harry’s cheek. 

Harry- who was observing the conversation, focusing in on our lips, immediately bats his friend away. A small scowl forming on his face.

It automatically turns into a playful brawl where Niall tugs Harry into headlock. But he has no strength on the brunette.

Harry turns out of it quickly and pushes Niall to the ground. He straddles his stomach and begins to jokingly pinch and slap at him.

Niall hisses, “Ouch! You motherfucker! Big oaf!”

Then you don’t know why you find this endearing but Niall signs the word, “uncle” a few times to signal he’s accepted his lost.

The fact that they wrestle so much that Niall learned to sign how to give up made you giggle more than it should.

Harry crawls off of him, running a hand through his messy curls, his face a little flushed.

“I’ll talk to you later!” You tell Niall as your trailing behind Harry up a flight of stairs.

His room is extremely neat. A fluffy navy comfort decorated his bed with a few photos of flowers and nature on his wall. A tidy desk tucked away in the corner that had all of his school work loaded on top of it.

He chooses to sit in his desk chair, motioning for you to perch on his bed. You look at him expectantly when he pulls out the tape recorder and sets it on the surface.

He pulls his laptop into his lap and begins signing, “I need you to transcribe the lecture for me so I can follow it. We can skip through the bits where he is rambling or off topic.”

You nod, letting him know to begin whenever he’s ready. He presses the side button and the recording starts but it super unclear and garbled.

“Did you record this from your seat?” You ask, the professors words nearly inaudible and fuzzy.

“Yes.”

“You need to bring it to the front of the room. Ask Dr. Morrison  to lay it on his desk before class. I can’t hear anything but static and mumbles,” You tell him.

He laughs and shakes his head. His movements rough and angry, “Of course its fucked up. I get you as my tutor and then the recorder is shit.”

You glare at him, offended as you haven’t done anything to this boy. “Excuse me? I’ve literally been trying to help since I’ve meet you. What is your fucking issue?”

“I’m not a charity case! I don’t need you to feel bad for me. I’m not helpless! You’re probably just a silly little girl who took ASL in high school because it was cool and trendy. Go back to focusing on psych.”

“Fuck you, Harry,” Your gestures getting sharper and your face sour, “You know nothing about me so don’t act like you do. I don’t feel bad for you or think that you’re helpless.” You put up a hand and tell him to not talk.

“I was just being nice because I thought you were handsome and at first, seemed friendly. It turns out you’re just like every douchebag frat boy I’ve met. What a disappointment,” You chuckle, swinging your bag on your shoulder and storm out of the room without another look.

***

The cafe was jammed packed - it was Waffle Wednesday. You had said waffles in your tray and were about to plop down on a stool when you hear your name being called.

“C’mere, come sit with us!” He hollers over the commotion of the crowd. Niall.

You’re about to decline when some dude slips behind you and snags the stool. Shit.

A bit unwillingly you slide into the booth next to Niall, cracking open your sparkling water. “Mates, this is Y/N, we work at the store together and she’s Harry’s tutor,” he tells them. “Y/N, this is Liam and Louis.”

“Hello,” you try your best to come off as friendly even though you can feel Harry’s glare on the side of your face. You ended up falling to easy conversation with the boys. Niall has a very limited ASL vocabulary but tries.

The boys are also trying to talk slower and more pronounced so Harry can watch and understand. A couple of times he taps Niall on the wrist to repeat what was going on.

Your phone begins buzzing and you apologize for the interruption. It’s your little sister, Mazie, FaceTiming.

You answer the phone with a frown, signing “Aren’t you suppose to be in school?”

Mazie looks upset, eyes a little watery. She gestures back, “I left early. I’m sick.”

“Are you really sick or where you getting bullied again?” You asks her.

Your sister hesitates before sniffling, “You already know. I hate my school.” 

Mazie has had other children bully her for her disability since she started preschool and it as still happening in fourth grade.

“What can I do to help?” You frown, never wanting to see your baby sister cry.

You chat for a few minutes to help her calm down. When the phone call ends, you don’t realize that all the boys were watching you in interest. Harry in particular, keeps his focus on you with a wrinkled forehead.

“My sister’s deaf,” You tell them. The whole time you’ve been sitting with them you’ve been signing and verbally speaking to help everyone be able to be included in the conversation.

“That’s sick!” Louis says, smacking Harry’s arm. “Just like our lad Harry.” 

Harry grumbles when Louis shakes him a little. It seems like the boys loved to physically interact with Harry which was endearing.

Harry allows him to for a moment before he flicks his cheek hard and laughs when Louis flinches. The conversation goes back to normal.

***

Harry jogs up to you after your group shares farewells and a few punches. You pointedly ignore him as you trek to the class you two have together so it’s not like he can’t walk this way too.

“Please, wait,” Harry asks. He walks in front of you.

“What do you want?” You huff, keeping my glare firm and directed alley at him.

“I’m sorry. I made the wrong assumption.”

“You made a lot of wrong assumptions. The fact that you think of me so lowly is sad. I’ve been nothing but nice,” You try not to focus on his large palms that curve over the caps of your shoulders.

“I’m not very trusting of people.”

You snort rather unattractively, “No kidding”

“Can we please start over?” He asks, stepping back to give you space. He didn’t realize how close he’d been standing to you until your hair wisps across his nose.

“One more chance, Styles.”

Harry lays a hand on your upper arm and squeeze lightly before signing the simple gesture of ‘thank you.’

***

It turns out Harry is very handsy and physically affectionate. It wasn’t creepy though or something that ever made you feel uncomfortable.

You were still tutoring him but you hung around the frat with Harry nearly everyday. The days you just wanted to lay in bed resulted in a grumpy FaceTime from Harry.

Harry once stated during a tutoring session, “It is easier for me to show how I’m feeling with touch than words. If I ever make you uncomfortable - please tell me and I will stop.”

You smile slyly at his words that sounded more like a question, asking if he can touch you. “I guess I’ll let you feel me up every now in again.”

He giggles and looks down wolfishly - like an entertaining thought is dancing around in his mind.

You tuck your finger under his chin to gaze at you. “In all seriousness, I give you my consent to show your feelings with physical touch. I trust you and know you won’t do anything to make me uncomfortable.”

The curly-haired brunette smiles happily, his hand cupping the side of your neck and brushing over your pulse point.

He hadn’t touched you here before and it seems like it was his first goal to do so once he got permission. You can’t help but take in a deep gasp of air. You prayed he didn’t notice but by the small lift of his lips he did.

The simple touch made a flame of arousal swirl in your lower stomach. You felt like you were about to start sweating.

“Anyways,” You clear your throat and snatch back up the recorder. It now had better quality after Harry listened to you about placement.

***

The frat house was ridiculously full of drunk college students. Everybody on the dance floor was sweaty and sticky with a variety of different substances.

Niall had invited you - so you were searching about for him. Pushing through the crowd and nobody was able to hear you say ‘excuse me.’

You finally found fresh air in the backyard where beer pong and cornhole were set up. Niall was tossing his ball across the table, trying to splash in Liam’s red solo cups.

Harry was sitting on a cushioned patio chair, watching the game commence. Maybe he was a beer pong referee after all. 

He looked so fucking good tonight. He had a yellow snapback taming his curls - backwards of course. A black Rage Against the Machine shirt and his signature black skinny jeans. **

You made eye contact and were about to wave when a girl plopped down in the seat across from him.

Awkwardly you turn away, greeting the other boys and taking a seat in a lawn chair to watch them start their third round of the game.

Your eyes keep darting over to Harry who is staring blankly at the girl. She starts stroking his biceps and tracing across the tattoos like they belong to her.

Harry is attempting to let her know he’s not interested. His signs uselessly as she’s staring at his lips and not hands.

You’re moving before you know it, without another thought, you squeeze in between the two - separating them. You dramatically slide into his lap, funnily enough one strong arm wrapping happily around your middle.

The pretty blonde pouts out her lips, “Is he your boyfriend?”

Before you’re able to reply, Harry signs the obvious signal for ‘yes’ to the girl. Then rudely makes the shooing gesture. She’s up with a huff and stomping back towards the house.

Harry turns you sideways on his lap so that you two can see each other’s hands, “You saved me.”

“You’re just such a stud, have to protect you,” You joke - but not really.

He raising his eyebrows and smiles, “You were jealous.” It was a statement not a question.

You blush wildly, avoiding eye contact which you know he hates. He hates anytime you cut off ways of communication.

Harry taps your lips until you look up at him, “it’s really fucking sexy when you are.” A perk of sign language. He could dirty talk just about anywhere and mostly no one would ever know.

His thumb drags on your full bottom lip, signing clumsily with one hand so you had to use context clues to piece it together “Don’t think I forgot when you called me handsome a few months ago.”

“I don’t remember, doesn’t sound like me,” You boldly lie, snickering and nipping at the top of his thumb

His eyes become a shade darker when your teeth meet his skin. He presses his thumb further in until it’s in-between your teeth. The moment is broken when Niall screams, “Styles! You’re up next!”

**

You and Harry become separated after you spent nearly two hours watching all these drunk boys play beer pong. Harry was ridiculously good at the game and only had to drink two cups from the table.

You had wandered back into the house where the party had died down. There were only a handful of stragglers left but mostly just the fraternity brothers and their close friends.

With a fresh alcoholic seltzer in your hand - you didn’t trust open bottles at parties like this - you gaze at Harry through the back window.

Harry was being jumped by Liam and Niall. He was snarling playfully as Liam toppled them all over into the grass. Niall tries to stand up but Harry’s hand wraps around his ankle and makes him fall right back on his bum with a girlish squeal.

Niall leans over to give Harry a wet-willy but Liam manages to throw a plastic cup directly at Niall’s forehead. Harry and the other boys dissolve in childish giggles. Faces red from laughter and liquor. You feel a smile painted fondly on your lips from watching them.

“Hey, Y/N right?” A voice interrupts from behind.

You spin to face a guy you barely recognize from a previous class you shared. You smile nonetheless, “Hi...”

“Jake, Jake from Social Constructs and Society last semester.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” You smile and allow him to talk your ear off because you struggle to say ‘no.’ He was fine, nothing special, typical business major who thought he was hot shit because his daddy owned a golf course he wanted to take you to.

It was a normal conversation until his voice gets lower as if he’s trying to be more seductive, “Want to head to a room with me?” He nods towards the staircase.

You chuckle in disbelief at his bold and forward question. “No thank you, I’m good.” You really had eyes for one person right now and he was currently cussing out Niall in sign language in the backyard before tackling him once again to the ground.

“C’mon, I can really show you a good time,” He persuades persistently, stepping into your space - causing your nervousness to spike.

“I said - no thank you,”You bite out, starting to feel scared when he blocks your way out of the kitchen and presses himself against you and the counter.

“You’re really something gorgeous, you know?” He asks, ignoring my struggles to get away from him.

“Stop touching me!” You scream, hoping Niall or one of the boys would hear your wail. He puts a hand up to your mouth to muffle you but that only results in you biting him.

“Fucking bitch!” He cries out, pulling his hand back and winding up to either punch or slap you right in the face. You prepare for the impact.

Then in a blink off an eye, it becomes a blur, a muscular figure is crashing into Jake with full force and knocking him straight into the linoleum floor with a loud crash.

It’s Harry. Broad shoulders and thick but lean tattooed biceps. He’s standing over the harasser and drops on top of him. It shouldn’t look as graceful and tactful as it does.

You’d never seen anything like this from Harry before. Once you really got to know him - he was a gentle giant who liked romantic comedies, soft blankets, and vanilla cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles.

Harry’s fist is repeatedly connecting with the dark-haired boy’s jaw with full force. The only noise is from Jake as Harry is dead silent but his eyes zeroed in on the target.

When blood begins gushing from the man’s nose - Niall and Liam decide it times to physically pull Harry up. Harry had a slight red mark on his jaw when Jake had managed one punch before being defeated quickly.

Harry signs to Niall, “Tell him.”

Niall places his foot on the dude’s chest to keep him down, “My mate wants to let you know if you touch her again we’re not going to pull him off and he’ll gladly beat you to a fucking pulp.”

Jake groans, clutching his nose to stop the bleeding, “Fuckin’ asshole.” 

You were still blown away as you watch Harry’s heaving chest as he glares down at the boy. His fist clenched and knuckle bloody and swollen. Harry’s attention turns towards you. His furious expression melts into worry. You can read his face so clearly. He’s afraid he’s scared you off.

It was hard to believe you had this drop dead gorgeous frat boy defending you past midnight on a Friday night. A boy who didn’t need to hear but just to see you needed help to step in.

All your desires and lusts after the man in front of you burst like a rubber-band and the urge to have him felt uncontrollable. “Take me upstairs,” you demand quickly, arousal creeping up your spine.

He doesn’t understand you’re extremely turned on. Instead he looks like a kicked dog who’s about to get in trouble again.

Nevertheless, he takes your hand and maneuvers out of the kitchen and up the stairs until his bedroom door is closed.

Harry lips are turned down unhappily as he begins, “I’m sorry, love. I...” he pauses a moment before continuing. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe. I hope you don’t think less of me.”

You look him dead in the eye and sign, “Kiss me.”

He blinks slowly at you like he just hallucinate the gestures.

So you repeat your motions, slow and with intent, “Kiss me, touch me, do something.” No more time is wasted as he is stepping in front of you and cupping your face in his hands.

Without any hesitation now, he pressing a bruising kiss to your lips - taking your bottom one between his and sucking.

Your hands are immediately tugging at the hem of his vintage shirt, pulling apart to bring it over his head. Dark ink decorates his torso, for some reason something you weren’t expecting. A butterfly on his abdomen, two fern branches, tattoos on his side.

Harry chuckles, “This is new to me.”

Your eyes go wide and you sign, “You’re a virgin?”

Harry snorts and rolls his eyes before telling you, “God no. I mean I’ve never been able to really communicate during sex.”

Then before You can speak, he cuts in a bit frantically, “I’ve always gotten consent - not like that. I mean-“ You cut him off with a kiss - knowing he would never do anything you didn’t want.

You wanted everything from him.

“If you’d believe it, I like a bit of dirty talk when I fuck - but no one understands what I’m saying,” He tries to crack a joke but for some reason seems insecure and nervous.

“Hey,” You take his chin so he shyly meets your eye, “I can’t wait to hear it - you’ve already made me so wet.” His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas.

“You’re such a good girl,” he signs before tugging off your shirt and instantly finding your lips again. His hands are skillful as they unclasp your bra without any struggle and tosses it.

You tugs a bit as his hair to show your enjoyment as his tongue finds your nipple - lapping before taking it between his teeth. As good as it feels, you want him to feel even better.

You push him back until he’s sitting in the edge of the bed, legs spread and hands behind him on either side holding him up. Jaw clenched with arousal and restraint.

He’s pressed against the zipper of his jeans. And all you wanted to do was see him in all of his glory. You’re quick to undo the button and determined to get the finicky zipper down as well.

His fingers come beneath your chin until you’re looking at his sparkling eyes, a look of lust made his lids a little droopier and his mouth slack from heavy-breathing.

“Are you sure you want to? You don’t have to - I want to eat your pussy either way, pet,” He signs, leaning in for a slow, wet kiss.

You sign back with a pout, “Shut the fuck up.” He huffs out a laugh, letting go of your chin and wrapping a hand in your hair to keep it out of your face.

As soon as he’s helping you wriggle his briefs and jeans down his narrow hips, you’re met with the prettiest cock you’ve ever seen.

When you make eye contact with Harry, he raises a eyebrow and grins cockily, “Is it nice enough for your liking, love?”

You nod breathlessly - wasting no more time before ducking down to take him to your mouth, a slight burning in your throat from how big he is.

His hands keep ahold of your hair, thumbs pressed against your temples as you bob down his length with sloppy, warm licks.

Harry’s moaning as you pop off to kiss and suck at the underside of him, hands coming to cup and roll his balls. It is a few moments later when he taps your cheek to get your attention, one hand leaving his hair to sign that he’s close.

Your mouth speeds up, wanting to give him all the pleasure you could. Your hand coming to stroke at what couldn’t fit in your mouth, pumping quickly.

Before you know it, Harry’s rutting his hips upwards and coming with a long, deep moan from the rumbles of his chest. He’s pulling you up into his lap, pressing appreciative kisses to your cheeks and jawline.

Big hands palming at your breasts before slipping down into your leggings, brushing softly over your mound. 

You whine and hitch forward to grind against his palm as soon as he cups you. He smiles widely at your desperation, pressing the heel of his palm harder against you to create more pressure.

You were already so wet and turned on that it wasn’t going to take much. The ball of your climax was burning low in your tummy. However, you wanted him to taste you like he said he would.

You sign, “I’m close. Please, I want your mouth on me.”

With that, he’s flipping you until you’re laid out on the bed. His hands tugging off your leggings and underwear with no further ado. “Holy shit,” He gestures, gazing all over your body and not stopping on one spot for too long.

“What?” You ask, fishing for the compliments you know he’s about to shower you in.

“You’ve got such a pretty pussy,” he signs, dimples popping in his cheeks and a curious finger traces your entrance before dipping in.

You lightly kick at his stomach, “Get on me.” He pouts, crooking his finger against your spot before pulling it out. Fucking tease.

Then his face is disappearing between your spread thighs and a strong lick is delivered from your clit all the way down to your bum.

Since he can’t hear you, you grabs handfuls off his hair. Tugging at the roots, scratching your nails into his scalp to let him know how good he is. So fucking good.

When you accidentally buck your hips hard against his mouth, you curse and run a apologetic hand through the locks. He doesn’t look up at you but lift a hand and signs, “Again.”

You absolutely whine, begging to ride him with determination - climax on the brink. He hums causing vibrations on the sensitive nerves. With that, your hips are meeting his tongue and you’re coming. His face dampening with your release - happy as a clam when he pops back up.

You can’t remember the sign for condom, so you sign, “Protection?” Harry understands right away, rustling through the drawer until he finds a stray packets, “It’s been awhile.”

“Same,” You gestures - watching as he slides it down his length and crawls overtop of you. He was pink and swollen - having to be a bit sensitive from just coming a little while ago.

“Ready, love?” He asks, pressing soft kisses to your jawline. You nod, reaching down to guide him in.

And you weren’t lying, it had been a while and he was big. The stretch wasn’t uncomfortable, just a lot. But his wet, open-mouth kisses made you stay grounded.

Harry’s moans were absolutely obscene as he slide all the way in before stopping to give you a moment. His arms strong, holding himself over you. The cold metal of his necklaces brushing against your tight nipples.

When you have him the okay, he begin giving you deep, hard strokes on each thrust. His noises so loud they had to be able to hear them downstairs. They were deep and low - rumbling in his chest with pleasure.

Then his hand is coming to your throat. For a wild moment you thought he was going to choke you but instead he rest it lightly, palm flat.

It takes you a moment - then it hits you.

Holy fuck. He is feeling the vibrations of your moans - erupting from your vocal cords. Feeling out the movement from your throat so he can feel how much you’re enjoying it.

You should be embarrassed but you can’t find it in you when you come again right on the spot. His fingertips nudging into the skin to feel the intensity as it wracks through you.

When you’re done riding out your orgasm, he reaches for the headboard behind you with his other hand, gripping it tightly as he begins to pound in with all his strength.

The bedframe is hitting the wall so loud that the whole house must be able to hear it. Hitting with every directed thrust until his mouth is dropping down into a long, timbred moan and he’s coming.

---

Later, when the two are you have settled for the night in the warmth of his bed. Harry seems a little nervous, once again. It takes him a moment to meet your eyes and brushes a strand of hair off your forehead.

“What is it?” You ask, tucked into his side. His body so solid and comforting.

“It’s corny,” Harry frowns, eyebrows furrowing as his eyes flash across your face.

“Tell me,” You insist, bringing his hand to your lips to kiss his fingertips.

“I feel like you were made for me. Like...we were meant to be together,” Harry signs, hesitant to share his thoughts. But it doesn’t scare you away. You can’t help but agree.

“I think so too,” You reply before pressing another kiss to his puffy pink lips.

#Wow #here you go #sat on this for a hot minute #still not sure about it #yolo #deaf!harry #harry styles #harrystylesfanfic #harrystylessmut #harry styles smut #harry styles writing #harry styles drabble #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #Harry styles x you #harry styles x reader insert #harry styles fic #harry styles fic rec #harry styles fluff #harry styles au #harry styles recommendations #harry styles masterlist #harry styles writing request

[annesthaeticc]

His Promise | Sherlock x Fem!Reader

His Promise | Sherlock x Fem!Reader

| a uni!Sherlock fanfic

| FLUFF (with a lil bit angst cause why not, right?)

| 2701 words

| NOTE: this is the sequel of "His Constant" you can check it out here if you want to read it. i love uni!Sherlock as much as you do and this, i just, oh god, i really do not know where i got the energy to write this. this one's for u anon. i hope u love it as much as i do.

It’s been a few good months since yours and Sherlock’s confession to each other. Nothing has changed but everything has changed too. It’s terribly confusing to someone on the outside, but to you and Sherlock, it’s something that only the two of you can understand and live with. You followed the same routine but you’ve grown close to him, and him just the same as you. The boundaries that you were so terrified of crossing were diminishing through time, and he, on the other hand, felt liberated; he was finally free to look at you the way he wanted to and at the same time tell you and make you feel it.

There was not a single time when you longed to be near him and just be in his company. Lunch breaks were spent in the library and the two of you would spend it studying, other times it would be spent making out in the corner of the History section. Sherlock learned to disable the CCTV camera there and you didn’t dare to ask him how he did it. Afternoons were spent by your tree, just lounging and cuddling while reading a book. Nights would be spent with “c’mon one last kiss” and hesitations to go back to your respective dormitories.

The two of you’ve come so far and yet there’s more to go through.

It wasn’t perfect of course, there had been a few times where you struggled; balancing your academics with your social life (the kind of social life aside from Sherlock) and the bullies of course; people who had teased you non-stop for “dating the freak”. Sherlock watched you go through your breakdowns, not letting you fall into the pit of loneliness. He was always there for you, always making sure you smiled at least once in a day.

And you were going to miss him terribly.

Why?

He was graduating.

He started at the same level as you but his professors noticed his stellar performance albeit he still struggled with socializing, and so the administration offered him an advanced course. You urged him to do so, supportive of whatever choice he made. He accepted it, after a few months of his advanced course, he was now graduating. His graduation was happening by the end of the week, leaving you to study for a year. He was coursing through his academics seamlessly while you, you were trying so hard to keep it together under wraps and try to manage it.

Maybe it was because of the course and the unnecessary subjects you were taking; you were really struggling to appreciate it and work on it. Or maybe it was because you were already starting to miss your Holmes. Your Sherlock Holmes. And to think he hasn’t even packed his bags yet.

Said Holmes casually strolled inside the library, absentmindedly solving a Rubiks cube. He walked to the farthest corner in the room where he knows you’ll be. Hidden amongst the tall bookcases, you were sitting on the chair with your laptop propped on the table. Papers were strewn around the table, books haphazardly piled on top of each other. Sherlock smiled to himself when he heard the familiar curse under your breath, the stream of “fuck-this-shit-stupid-fucking-wanker-what-the-fuck-am-I-even-doing”.

He ducked his head in amongst the shelves, like he’s taking a peek at you, his familiar mop of curls making you smile a bit. When he saw you smile, he finally walked towards you and planted a kiss on the top of your head.

“How’s it going?” he asked as he settled himself on the seat across from you.

“Getting worse. My thesis mates decided to dump their work on me.” you sighed and removed your glasses.

“Cruel world, isn’t it?” he joked. Though appreciated, you couldn’t bring yourself to smile, you were really getting frustrated.

“It was a joke.” he mumbled under his breath and twisted the cube for the last time, finally solved.

“I know it is, I just, I couldn’t— I’m just very pissy right now.” you replied and buried your face in your hands.

“Yeah, I heard.” Sherlock replied and took off his bag from his shoulder, and leaned back on his chair. He started organizing some of the papers and turned your laptop to his, taking a look at your thesis paper.

“What else do you need to do? This looks done already.” he said.

“I still need to polish the literature part and the fifth chapter.” you sighed and grabbed one of the books as your reference.

“Give it to me, I’ll do it.” he said and offered his hand. You passed him the book, thanking the heavens for his existence.

“God, if I could marry you right now, I would.” You breathed dreamily, the words falling from your lips without any thought.

“Don’t say that.” he scoffed and raised his eyebrow at you. You rolled your eyes at him and ducked down.

“Why not? Because you wouldn’t want to marry me?” you challenged him.

“No, I’d do more than that. I’d marry you; I’ll build you a home, we’ll have lots of children and die together.” he said, his focus trained on your laptop screen.

Sherlock never failed to take your breath away with his responses. It’s not because he’s brutally honest, it’s because he’s a man of his words; he means it. He always means it.

“No, don’t say that.” you chuckled, echoing his words.

“Why not?” he asked, his eyes looking up at you. Cold blue irises glowing.

“Because I know you’re not the marrying type, Sherlock.” you replied, your voice almost a whisper.

“You’re right, I’m not the marrying type. But I’d marry you, only you. And we’ll do so much more than marrying each other.” he said. You absorbed his words, a rush of emotion flowing through you. Your eyes welled up, the tears threatening to spill.

It all feels surreal to hear such words from him. You weren’t sure if you should believe any of it. Because now, it all feels nothing; empty promises hanging in the air and fading in just seconds. But he’s Sherlock, the one you love and the one you promised to love forever. So how could your love for him be weaker than your overwhelming fear of goodbye? Your feelings for him; it's all irrational and scary. Exhilarating and breath-taking. It’s a never-ending adventure. And what you feared most; fear conquers love. The one thing you promised him, starting to crumble down.

Sherlock watched the tears run down your face, unsure of what to do. All of a sudden, you got up and grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder. You started to walk away when he caught your hand in his, just like that night in October. His hand was warm and comforting and it made you cry more. Slowly, you turned to face him, he looked puzzled and worried.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No, it’s just—it’s all perfect, Sherlock.” you sniffed and looked down. His thumb started to draw circles on your hand, comforting you.

“Then what’s wrong?” he implored you, seeking answers in your teary eyes.

“I need some space.” you breathed out, your voice small and shaky.

“Is that what you want?” he asked.

“No, but it’s what I need.” you replied, brought his hand up to your lips and kissed his knuckle.

Unhurriedly, you dropped your linked hands. You hold on to the strap of your backpack as if it was a life raft, turned around and left a lost-looking Sherlock Holmes in between the aisle of History and Literature in the Cambridge University’s College library.

Sherlock watched you go, disappearing through the white doors of the library. As you stepped out of the campus, the rain started to pour. Students and professors seeking shelter under the awnings and buildings while you walked alone down the path that led to your dormitory. And the worst of all, you forgot your coat, hanging on the chair next to the one you sat on in the library. Mentally, you scolded yourself for forgetting something important but it didn’t matter now, you needed space as you said and you were going to stand your ground even if it meant getting sick.

After you left, Sherlock drowned himself into finishing your work. Only little needs to be done and he did what he could to make your paper flawless. It was almost six in the evening when he finished. He swiped open his phone to check if you left any message, only to find it empty. Worry doesn’t seem to describe what he’s feeling right now. No, he’s afraid. He’s terrified.

Of course he’s utterly aware that the two of you’ve got a week left to spend together before he finally leaves the campus. That’s when he realized that the two of you did not even talk about his impending goodbye. And now, he doubts it’s a good time to talk about it.

Then as a counter-thought, what even is the point of talking about it? Have you forgotten what he said? He thought. Have you forgotten the words that meant so much more than whatever you’re feeling right now? Have you forgotten that you are and you’ll always be his constant?

Treading on water, he decided to visit you but he didn’t want to push his luck, and so he left you texts. Texts that woke you up. Your phone kept vibrating and pinging, bringing you out of your uneasy sleep at around seven in the evening.

As your eyes scanned his last message, there was a loud knock on your door. You dragged yourself out of bed and padded towards the door. As you opened it, it revealed your Sherlock Holmes, still dressed in his uniform. His hair disheveled, probably because he ran his hands through it multiple times in frustration. He was carrying a paper bag in his hand, the other holding your coat and your laptop. Your heart skipped a beat as you met his gentle gaze.

“I’m sorry.” you said, your voice barely a whisper.

“What for? There’s nothing to apologize for, Y/N.” as his sentence concluded, you wrapped your arms around him, burying your tear-stained face into the crook of his neck.

Your cries were heard throughout the hallway and Sherlock, with his hands full; unable to hug you back, just hummed and shushed you, whispering “It’s okay, it’s going to be alright.” in your ear. Nosy and curious as they are, your dormitory neighbors peeked their heads out to check the commotion, unsurprised to see a boy inside the building.

“I think we should get inside, love. Your neighbors are boring holes into my face.” he whispered in your ear, you nodded and disengaged yourself from him, stepping inside your room with him behind you. Once inside, Sherlock put down your belongings on the couch. He swiftly moved to your small kitchen, putting down your dinner on the small dining table. You walked towards him and hugged his back, wrapping your arms around his torso. In instinct, Sherlock leaned slightly into you. He looked up, sniffing, trying to stop himself from crying. He gently pulled you to him as he turned around, finally face-to-face, Sherlock could see your fear shine through your tears. Your anxiety of him leaving is evident in your face.

“It’s going to be okay, Y/N.” he said and clasped your hands into his.

“But I don’t want to be okay without you, Sherlock.” you replied.

“Me leaving you; it’s not permanent, it’s not going to be forever, Y/N.”

“Parting is such a sweet sorrow…”

“That I shall say good night til morrow.” he recited against your lips. Sherlock reciting Shakespeare was rare, and you treasured it dearly. A hint of smile graced your lips and the corner of lips turned upward.

“I only said that to make you smile but honestly, you need to stop reading Romeo and Juliet. We are far from them.” he playfully scolded you.

“No, we’re just the same as them. We’re both idiots in love.” you smirked, running your hand up to his arms, to his shoulder, up to his neck so you could play at the curls at the base of his neck.

“But we’re not stupid enough to die like that, Y/N.” he replied, his tone serious.

“But you said we’d die together…”

“I did say that, but not die like that, Y/N. We’re not going to take poison and die together at such a young age.”

“Because we’re both idiot enough to live long, grow in love and grow old, is that it?” you suggested and he smiled.

“Now you get my point.” he smirked.

“You’re leaving.” you exhaled, more like to yourself.

“And I haven’t even packed my bags, Y/N. You’ve got to stop worrying, honestly that’s what’s distracting you the most, isn’t it?” he asked. He stepped out of your intimate space and led you to the couch. He sat down and he urged you to lie down, your head on his lap.

“I must admit, yes…” you replied. You closed your eyes and sighed when you felt his fingers card through your hair. The same way you do it when his head is on your lap.

“I’m leaving, yes, but I’ll be waiting for you. I’d be a fool to not wait for you, Y/N.” his deep voice vibrated through his chest and you could almost feel it, and feel the warmth of his chest whenever he spoke.

“A year will go by quickly, next thing you know you’ll be in London, with me.” he continued and shifted a bit.

“Do you promise?” you asked, eyes still closed. Silence hung in the air but you could feel his touch drift from your hair, to your cheeks, down to your neck, until he was holding your right hand in his. He gently slipped on a ring on your ring finger and your eyes shot up in surprise as you felt the cold band around your finger.

“If I could marry you now Y/N, I would, but I couldn’t ‘cause we need a minister and a witness to do that. But the only thing I could do right now is promise. I promise you; I’ll wait for you. I promise you; I’ll be there on the last day of your university days, cheering and clapping for you like how you’d do the same for me. God, I’ll be there to spin you around and show everyone how I’m bloody proud of you. Because I am, I am so fucking proud of you.”

“And this, this is the proof of those promises. None of those are empty, I intend to fulfill every single promise I made tonight, Y/N.” he held up your hand, the metal shining as the low light of the room reflected through it. You watched as your fingers slowly fit through his, heart pounding to see the sight of your interlocked fingers. But what’s changed is that a ring was now resting on one of your fingers, and Sherlock could feel the cold band against the palm of his hand. His sentiment for you intensifies every second.

“And I’d be a fool to make you wait for so long, Sherlock. A year.” you said. A silent promise that only the two of you understood.

“A year.” he punctuated.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, a gentle kiss to seal all the words that were said and not said, and promises made and yet to be fulfilled. He pulled away and he saw your pupils grow dark, maybe it was the lighting or maybe it was just pure emotion; swelling and overwhelming, uncontainable at times. He favored the latter. You pulled him to you, your hand snaking up to his chest to grasp his shirt and through his shirt, he could feel the firm ring, making his heart beat faster. He kissed you once more tasting the sweetness of your lips and your love. And you responded in the same vigor, your fears and anxieties fading, and your love for him; just like the sun, blazing.

READ THE PREVIOUS PART; HIS CONSTANT

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( since His Constant got a lot of positive feedback ; hopefully this one too lol, i'm planning to make a series out of it, so pleaaaase lemme know what u think <3 stay safe and well u lovely ppl )

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