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that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you · 2 months

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I don't understand, what's going on with Taylor and Matt trash being a couple? Could you explain to me?

nothing is really going on at the moment tbh, cuz they broke up a pretty long while ago, but the issue is the album (if that's what you're referring to) and taylor swift herself.

[will add sources and more stuff when I find the links and if I realise I missed something out, cuz this is a general thing based off of memory]

Context: dating history

Basically she and matty had been friends for a few years (there are rumors of them hooking up ig in 1989 era maybe, but I don't really care enough to believe shit like that). Apparently he had also been pining for her (according to stuff he said in interviews and tweets) for years, but again, you can still chalk it up to rumors if you wanna.

The thing is that post her breakup with joe alwyn, she started dating him (in like april I think) [there had been dating rumors of them since 2014 tho, and again in March 2023] and the fandom kinda got divided.

Here is the link to their entire timeline

Context: what matty healy did

Matty healy (you prolly know this) is basically racist, sexist, antisemitic, homophobic and God knows what else I have missed out or not been aware of. He did shit like doing the nazi gesture on stage, mocking asian accents, tastelessly making fun of ice spice on her race and bodyshaming her, laughing and basically confirming that he watches violent rape porn of black women on a site that is known to be highly problematic and force their actors (gender neutral) to do things they dont consent to (there was also an actress who was assaulted or something but im not informed on it). Even when he was called out on stuff like this, he accused people (who were poc, btw) of overreacting.

Context: taylor and activism

Taylor had also, in the past (lover era, and miss Americana the doc) had talked about how she had been too quiet about political issues and politics itself for too long, that she understands her influence and power in society, and that she "needs to be on the right side of history" and even specifics such as that she thinks it's spineless to go on stage and say "happy pride month" and not acknowledge the political oppression that queers in USA were facing (something about a bill or the republican party idk man I'm not american, i dont remember but i did research when i watched the doc tho). She has claimed she was gonna be clear about where she stands (many republicans had considered her to be one, and many thought she's conservative or something, but she was always quiet about it, until the lover era). However, she just stopped that activism after the lover era, and went back to being quiet on where she stands (I've seen many swifties refer to the lover era as the activism era) and hasn't spoken about anything substantial really. She did some things like post a black square with 13 hearts during blm, and stuff that every celeb who wasn't openly a pos did, but that's kinda it. Even as a self proclaimed feminist, she didn't speak up on issues such as roe v wade, or about an issue regarding drag queens despite having them in yntcd, or talking about trans/queer rights until she was in a blue state (im not an American, I just like to keep up a little with stuff in usa cuz it's always up in my face sadly, and thus i cant be specific, but anyways, correct me if I'm wrong, or if I missed something).

So even after saying she'll be vocal, she was just... not. And that's basically her on politics or giving a shit about minority communities.

Context: Fandom's reaction

Swifties were extremely disappointed that taylor CHOSE to associate with a man like this, and there were fans calling her out, and she received backlash, too.

Most of these swifties were poc (myself included) and they felt hurt that an artist that they not just supported and developed such a deep connection with, but also financially supported for years, would have such disregard for them. Not just was she dating him, but she kept saying things such as "I have never been happier in all aspects of my life" or saying "I love you" or "uk who you are" in romantic songs on the tour, which was just adding insult to injury. She also did a collab with ice spice (which was completely out of nowhere, and the collab itself seemed badly made and rushed), which fans and others speculated to be a pr cover up for the fact that matty healy had mocked her (many ppl also believed that it was too quick for it to be a pr cover tho).

Now, in the fandom, when poc swifties were calling her out on dating mh, (mostly) white swifties started harassing poc swifties for doing so, or saying that they are hindering with her happiness or some bs about it being "just a fling" (again, myself included). They said it's the same as seeing a friend get out of a long-term relationship and make bad dating choices, and poc swifties should let it go (as if taylor is our close personal friend). In a mostly white fandom, poc swifties felt alienated and sidelined.

Ofc, taylor never addressed any of this backlash, and after she broke up with him, there were articles saying that sources say (which mostly means her pr team atp) that her breakup had nothing to do with his controversies or behavior.

The album release (lyrics, references and reaction)

Now, with the release of ttpd, contrary to what most of the fandom believed, most of the songs on both the albums are believed to be (and heavily hinted on) about matty healy. These include 4 songs- "ttpd", "but daddy I love him", "I can fix him (no really I can)", and "guilty as sin?"

Ttpd, the title track, talks about mh being "a tattooed golden retriever" (wtf) and about him love-bombing her, and her pining after him, thinking about marriage and shit. But daddy I love him and I can fix him, are basically that no one supported her dating decision and she's claiming that she loves him oh so goddamn much, but more importantly, her talking about her fans' reactions. Specifically, describing her poc fans to be "vipers" and "judgemental creeps" who hate her and them being hurt as "bitching and moaning", and basically took the side of the (white) fans who defended her, indirectly. She described his racist bs as "crazy" and said shit like she could "handle a dangerous man." She also has another song, "Guilty as sin?" and while I genuinely don't give a fuck about what she chooses to do in her private life, unless it is problematic, it is about her fantasizing about being with that racist man while being in a long term relationship with joe alwyn. She sings about how she wants him and wants to be with him... in multiple ways, iykyk. Again, out of context, I love this song so much, but that doesn't erase the context, right?

She also has a song "I hate it here" where she says the following lines:

"My friends used to play a game where

We would pick a decade

We wished we could live in instead of this

I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid"

And while there are many reasons why this line by itself is racist (romantisization of a time that was extremely shitty to many communities, most of which she is not a part of, showing herself to be "oh look I'm so woke I still remember the bad things even when I romanticize bad eras in history" which is something you expect from an ignorant white high schooler maybe, not a 34 y/o billionaire who claims to be well-read, etc.) but taylor swift herself saying these is adding insult to injury cuz she has shown time and time again she has no problem with racism (she kept quiet when antonia gentry, a black actress, received hate and racist threats by swifties because of a line BY NETFLIX that taylor didn't like, and she shouldn't ofc, but it wasn't the actress' fault), or associating herself with them (matty healy, for example). It is hypocritical to write something like that after writing an album about pining after a man and his "dangerousness," which is just bigotry. Way to romanticise racism, sexism, and antisemitism, taylor.

Even now, after listening to the album, she clearly doesn't like mh anymore, NOT because of his actions, but because he broke her heart, showing that she still enables and is okay with everything he did.

And that's kind of it (ig) about her and matty healy. I'm not really sure exactly which part you wanted to know, so this is just a gist of it all. Hope it helps :)

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antiwhores · 2 years

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What its like to text Bakugou

What bakugou is like to text. I see a lot of you guys just straight lying so im gonna once again tell yall the completely cannon belief i have about this. i sweat im alwayways right about this stuff on god. Source: trust me bro.

Like 99% of the time Bakugou is a dry texter. He gives simple answers and simple responses. You could give him a whole prompt that he could say 30 different things about and if he didn’t feel like texting he’d go “no.”

If hed added to gc’s he doesnt speak unless someone insults him. Thats if he doesn’t immediately leave the gc as soon as hes added.

Hes more of a grammar typer than anything. He wouldnt use texting language like ‘idk’ or ‘wya’. Hes old fashioned, he’ll type the whole sentences out. Plus, he’ll correct your grammar if you spell a word wrong. It doesn’t particularly bother him but hes an asshole.

He texts you a little bit better than others, as in most the times you at least get a response. Anyone else could count themselves extremely lucky if they got a response. He hates texting so much. He’d rather just talk to someone face to face where he can read your facial expressions.

Hes not a very tech savvy person, he doesnt worry too much about his phone. He still has the newest iphone because he broke his other phone a couple months ago during work.

And for someone with such a nice phone, he does not use it. He only uses it to text and call you, check your instagram and snapchat posts, look at articles about him, check his rank, take photos, look at photos of you, and to send nudes to you. And for someone his age, thats insane.

Worthy mention: he uses it to jerk off to your photos or earlier on in the relationship, to watch porn of girls who looked like you.

You always call him a grampa because of his weird habits. He tells you that the reason you’re so fucking stupid is because of that phone.

If something peeks his interest he will be a little more active with his texts too. Like drama or you telling him about your day. He tries to pretend not to care though. Keeping it cool.

He only uses emojis to mock you. The only emoji he really uses is the straight face emoji. He finds it so relatable.

He usually comes off extra mean in text. You never take it to heart though. You will pretend like you did just to fuck with him.

He doesnt geniunely feel so bothered by texting you. You could say its all an act. He loves seeing your dumbass texts but of course you cant know that cause he obviously cant show ANY weakness.

Examples of his texting:

#bakugou headcanons #bakugou x reader #mha x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #bakugou smut #bakugou thirst #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader

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bathroomtrapped · 16 days

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ohmygod i literally just made an account on letterboxd bc i watched saw (2004) and loved it so much and ur interview was so inspiring to me and ive been on an absolute craze trying to reblog like every single saw post on tumblr and i somehow found your account what the heck?!!?!?! ur art is AMAZING and i absolutely love ur takes on saw as a franchise and its significance to the queer community. i hope to be as knowledgeable of this franchise as you are one day despite me only being a baby saw fan!!

i had a quick question; i found on the saw heritage post blog that they thought leigh/james/someone else confirmed that saw (2004) did not actually occur the day before 9/11 despite the phone given to them being set to that date. however, when i asked them if they knew where this source was from (bc im so curious!!! i want to know everything!!!!!!) but neither they nor i could find the actual source for that so i was wondering if maybe u knew??? just curious :3

regardless ty for taking the time to read this and dedicating so much time to this fandom!! i love that horror fans like you exist in a fandom that i previously thought would be weird and slightly disturbed film bros (i had a lot of incorrect preconceived notions about saw that have been quickly resolved i promise)

thank you!! im glad that people feel the same way about it as i do but even if people thought i was some crazy transexual making everyone else woke and pronouns, i wouldnt care. the story, especially lawrences but adams as well, really resonates with me as a trans person for so so many reasons, more than i listed in the interview. to me, i cant read his character without filling in the gaps with trans subtext. it not only explains but also enriches the personal experiences of these characters as well as their dynamics with each other. theyre both characters that are defined primarily by how theyre seen by other people, themselves, and eventually each other. the narrative is soooo focused on perception and masks and who u truly are, i find it hard to separate any kind of queer theory from that.

as for the 9/11 question thats such a dumbass pet peeve of mine. its one of the things that makes me shout UMMMM ACTUALLY at the top of my lungs. my blood pressure sours to inhuman levels when someone confidently says the movie takes place not just in 2001 but the day before 9/11. not because of some interview or confirmation from any of the crew because my knowledge of old fandom history is incredibly spotty. old sites and interviews r a mystery to me for the most part BUT! the reason it is for sure not before 9/11 is because during the flashback of pauls trap (during lawrences monologue about jigsaw) kerry tapp and sing are all at the scene with other officers and i believe its kerry who holds up an evidence bag thats labeled 2004. the scene takes place 5 months before the events of saw 1 so its not possible that it takes place 3 years before that. it just seemed like a funny (but insanely bold considering how 9/11 was only 3 years before) joke and easter egg for people to catch on to, not actual lore meant to be taken seriously.

if u want to look for the interview, i would honestly just listen to the commentary tracks bc it mightve been said there. i know in the one with leigh, james, and cary they discuss plot holes fans complained about, questions fans had online, the fanfic they read (briefly LOL). ive only seen that one (and once) but theres at least 2 other commentary tracks with different people that i havent gotten around to for fear of like. completing saw? idk i cant bring myself to watch all of the commentary tracks but theres a chance they discuss it there! i can only speculate on the reason, all i know is that saw 2004 takes place in 2004 based on actual evidence from the media itself

if u have any other questions let me know. i still have the original draft of the interview which had more questions and longer responses bc i couldve gone on for days abt the lore and saw queer theory and ill never shut up about it

#larry.txt

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hrghhhhhhhhh · 4 months

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i was heavily into cryptage until the season 20 launch and tae liking elliott felt really natural to me. now im struggling hard even imagining it knowing that hes canonically in love and its not elliott. suddenly his annoyed behavior just feels annoyed, no longer flustered, and the relationship he has with elliott doesnt feel light-hearted anymore just sorta hostile idk the whole confirmation of his romantic interest in someone else erased my perception that was built on the s3 trailer and their (what i interpreted as) flirting. i cant seem to do anything about it, it's just gone it's all gone and respawn visibly disliking cryptage makes me feel guilty it feels like we're not supposed to ship it in the first place

IM SO SORRY FOR THIS ACCIDENTAL DISSERTATION:

tldr: i fully understand you, however, putting too much stock in canon / wishing your ship become canon causes a lot of stress. Canon is not the end all be all, and frankly i think canon kills my interest in ships the fastest. Using canon to make stuff you actually like will always be more fun and better for mental health!!! <3

OKay . so . i COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from, I think of all games with such a robust cast, this one has so many potentials. S3 trailer ignited my love for them, and the way they navigated each other (from Cryp0 bending Mirage's arm back in self defense, to then Crypto saving him by pulling him off the train) I am so blessed to have my expectations Very early on be set, knowing that the early writers had absolutely no intent to make Mirage and Crypto romantic.

From that trailer i took really important things about their character, but i felt like i KNEW the intent, and the intent Never felt flirty or even romantic to me. I knew i could spin it that way, i knew i loved their dynamic when viewed through that heart shaped lens! But I never ever assumed that's where their stories led. and because if that i was never let down. I have no idea how to heal from the canon vs not canon stuff, it can feel like a betrayal, and i totally get the guilt. BUT canon and your personal interpretation dont have to match. Like at all. As long as, you know, noones being a total asshole about it. On Crypto being annoyed:

My favorite thing about mirage. is that. he is in fact SO ANNOYING. hes is mouthy and so jokey, and cocky, and insecure. Meeting him in real life would be a cHALLENGE LMAO. So crypto's line sounding more and more annoyed is genuinely so real of him. He has a short fuse, and gets annoyed easily with EVERYONE (source: his impatient crafting lines, his getting into ring lines, etc.) Crypto is so particular about his time and personal space, i think his annoyance lines are TOP TIER with Mirage, even if they edge into mean territory ( I mean mirage literally calls him "paranoid weirdo", makes light of his mannerisms) . Because its just his character, hes not a people person, while mirage IS! The fanon becomes so fun when you start to imagine HOW they could make that work! On Making Lemonade:

Crypto getting a love interest i dont see as a negative at all, because matching canon is not interesting to me. I am in the minority here i know. Something i love about canon is that it tells you things about your fav character that you can go off of!!! Crypto and wattson having a rapport, even Mila hinting that she thinks Crypto has a crush on her- THIS IS GOLD, FOR YOUR FAVVY CHARACTERS. This tells me that YEAH even if he had a crush, even if its, like killing him inside - HE IS NOT THE FIRST CONFESSOR, He will NEver say a WORD. That is characteristic no. 1 you can put in your arsenal. Like that is so TASTEY. he'd rather go his whole life yearning than confess. SO GOOD, DELICIOUS. Point no 2. He still puts his mission to find and save Mila above things like romance. I think that's so interesting, like, he has this intense mental block to letting himself indulge!

NOW: how to use that info, is up to you! Think about crypto dying of Crush on Mirage, only for mirage to "turn the charm up to 11" for the cameras. Great anguish, Tae Joon. Alternatively, making crypto confess to mirage hints that he MUST have really been dYING. Its only added to my imagination of them ^^

THE BEST PART ABOUT MAKING FAN CONTENT. IS PLAYING WITH THE CHARACTERS LIKE BARBIES!!! The second best part is finding pieces of canon to support your barbie playdate. On Canon Writing:

I will say, i feel like i can sense that the writers are only human in regards to how crypto and mirage appear together lately; Their last interactions being mirage distraught that Crypto wasnt RSVP-ing to his party, only for Crypto to show up the second he knew about said party (AND ASK FOR SOME BUMPIN MUSIC, SO CUTE). They are obviously a dynamic they break out when they need some fun pair to play up (an appropriate) story.

But the writers are just human. When the fandom as a whole picks up a ship you never intended, misinterpreting their words; i can see purposefully writing them shallowly, taking away some dimension- because they have this other story to tell. I think its very regular-person of them to be like "Oh theyre looking at this wrong let me make it clear!". I will go on record saying i don think they "visibly dislike" cryptage, it feels more like there's a bit of railroading of their current plotline, and some side flavor of people interacting is lost lately. That does make me sad, i think- at the very least- they have a great rivals to friends dynamic. And in my eyes there's always room for romance somewhere in there (or a fwb situation :3d ) I'd love to see more of their interactions, however, they have A LOT to go off of. Between the s3 trailer, their lines, the mirage forgot about his party, the UGLY OVERTIME COMIC.

Theres soooo much i can say about this, and them in particular, but i want to just say, PLEASE don't dispair. Theres still so much about them that still stands! Make your own stuff, don't wallow in canon, and most of all (and i say this so respectfully) Try to distance your happiness from 'winning canon'. Its a losing battle. a ship should be more of a hobby than a career - it can alter your mental SO much unless you step back.

Damn i have never needed to shut the fuck up more! TY FOR THIS ASK!!!!

#ty for askin'#cryptage

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wheresbenni · 9 months

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Your gifs are always so beautiful. How do you make them so HD?

first of all, thank you 🥹 im happy you like them.

for your question, it's a combination of things i guess. idk how to answer without getting a little bit into adjustment layers in photoshop (assuming you even use photoshop). i dont think i do things that differently from others. one thing i dont do is i dont use "action", i do everything from scratch. my cropping method is probably a bit different as i crop out everything i dont want without resizing it first and only resizing them afterwards to 540x540p, my favourite dimension. idk how everyone else does it. do share if you have a good method to reduce lost of quality when resizing.

im gonna talk a bit about the 4 adjustment layers i almost always use which i'll put into quotation marks under the cut below.

1. i use "levels" a lot to adjust the lighting. some people use "curves" or "channel mixer" which i find hard to get consistent results every time. they're useful when "levels" cant get me to where i want the colouring to go.

tips:

hike up your shadow input level for RGB between 5 to 10 to add more depth to the gif. (midtone and highlight can help brighten your gifs if needed)

adjust the Red, Green and Blue shadow, midtone and highlight input level to get rid of the yellowish tone and add some reddish tone (i love adding a little red tone idk, they just look better than yellow

2. "brightness/contrast" is important too. if the gif is too dark, i sometimes change the adj layer from normal to 'screen' and adjust the shadow input in "levels" to balance them out.

3. "vibrance" - i usually go for vibrance: 50, saturation: 10

4. "selective colour" - to fix or remove too much redness (normally in skin colour due to vibrance) by adjusting the black colour level in Reds.

idk, that's it really. hopefully this is somewhat helpful to you. and always make sure to use HD sources, anything below 720p will be harder to work with.

#ask #gifmaking #idk if this is what you're looking for. i just hope it answers your question. somehow it became a tutorial of sort 😄#the PS screencaps are taken from my latest sam reid gifset

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viofficial · 11 months

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Hello i am back for five seconds to talk abt that welcome home update bc WHAT !!! i have .. so many thoughts and the current speculation isnt rlly doing it or the source material justice. im not gonna add any links here, u can find those urself, ill just be going thru my very unorganized thoughts. anyway!

so while i cant make any confident speculation as we're so early into the project, however i think the new update confirmed my suspicion that wally Is the one sending the restoration project these letters. specifically in the staff only page, where on one of the emails, there's smth in white highlighted marker that reads "-wally darling" like a signature of some sort. i could be wrong but idk who else would be doing this yk? esp in the damaged state the restored materials are in? its also indicated by one of the staff having a dream abt wally lookng at them as a phone rings. its also clear bc of the many eye and spiral imagery throughout the page.

another thing i found interesting was in the 1-14 pages, how near the end, the characters look to wally for input. i think its bc in the show ur supposed to follow wally around as he's technically a narrator/observer of some sort, indicated by one of the scripts in an earlier update, with wally speaking to the viewer. but i wonder why it cut off so abruptly?? idk

so far my "theory" is that smth happened in the neighborhood that caused wally to lose his friends hence in the guestbook he mentions he cant find them or has no memories of them, that or ppl's lack of memories of the show causes his world (or the show itself) to fall apart, which would make sense. idk if they died or anything but idk smth happened. i also saw someone say that what could be happening is that two worlds exist, one where welcome home was a real show that existed in the 70s, and one without. we're seeing the world without.

i don't think wally or home is evil, or that home is behind anything or that smth is happening in home OR that wally is stuck in home. i dont think that clown would make smth so cliche, and while cliches r fine since everyone has a diff spin on it, i feel like itd be narratively unsatisfying. its clear that wally is desperate, he wants to be seen, remembered in some way. maybe its why he's always facing the camera, symbolizing that desire? idk maybe im delving too deep LMFAO dont blame me i literally spent Hours looking for clues and refreshing twitter. its also clear that wally isnt evil bc i believe its him apologizing for the letters/materials looking so fucked up and taking a toll on ppl. maybe it isnt him but itd make sense

wally can also see us. through our fan art, through our support, he can see whats going on in the outside world hence how he's able to break the fourth wall and send the restoration project the envelopes (specifically eddie's envelopes). i say this bc of this line if u type "/a" on the website.

“I have more eyes than I did before. You know how to draw eyes. You draw mine many times. I know it is thanks to you, neighbor, that I can see. But it is still… I can’t… See."

now that he doesnt have access to the guestbook, he's desperate for diff ways to connect to us and the restoration project. he just wants to be remembered. i dont think him breaking the fourth wall is too out of the ordinary considering he appeared in an interview, signifying he must know of the outside world, that his world isnt real, he's played by a voice actor, and so on.

#and yeah!! thats my thoughts #despite the overwhelming success im pretty underwhelmed by the current speculation #but i cant blame anyone when we still dont rlly know anything #meowing #scratching post #analysis tag #welcome home #welcome home spoilers

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chumpovodir · 1 year

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sorry i'm actually still on that castlevania brainrot, with a big big focus on CoD since i've been re-playing it in my free time, but felt like i was being too annoying about it between simping for Hector in a way i have not publicly done for any other blorbo and bitching about netflixvania lmao

now that i've had some time to let my thoughts Stew and Simmer, and after consuming whatever Hector-centric fan content i can get my greedy little hands on, i got some Thoughts on all the pairings i've come across, and put together my as-of-now takes on them:

• CV: CoD Hector/Isaac - yes! THE ship of all time! versatile, but however you ship them, They Are Each Other's Whole World!!! they're best friends at minimum (at least before Hec's betrayal) and hell yes they're fooling around with each other - they're 2 dudes in their early 20s who grew up together, literally have no one else and probably spend damn near 24/7 together as a result of their living situation/jobs. is it a casual friends with benefits thing? are they romantically involved and devoted to each other? work besties? mentor mentee kinda thing? is it mutually toxic and/or abusive? friendly rivalry? bitter enemies til the end? it all works! the beauty of the canon not being set means theres so much room for interpretation, but i don't think hector or isaac would be as broken up as they are if they didn't feel something for each other. for me, it all tracks and part of the fun is seeing new ways to interpret their dynamic (except no one makes content for their game counterparts anymore after netflixvania 😢)

• Netflixvania!Hector/Isaac - sorry but i just can't get on board the Forgehusbands thing here. in this version, the most chemistry they have is barely tolerating each other as colleagues. its not even animosity, just straight up indifference. then hector spends some months in his own personal hell being Lenores plaything probably just trying to not lose his sanity while isaac is thousands of miles away consumed by the thought of revenge but otherwise living it up. Issac doesnt even really save Hector in the end…? and idk why but the writers were really pushing a Lenector agenda so there really isn't much of anything to ship here. N!Isaac's too dry and serious about his own misanthropy without any of the mindless, fanatical devotion to Drac's cause CoD!Isaac has, while N!Hector is just. barely a character tbh with how passive and contradicting he feels (and i will CURSE the writers for forever squandering his character when he probably has the most official, coherent material dedicated to explaining his whole deal!!!). there's not much in this canon that drives them towards each other in a way i find compelling, but if someone out there could take on the challenge and actually show how they end up getting together (as friends or romantically) i'd be interested in that! because the current status quo where they're Inexplicably An Item From The Start is a little stale tbh

• Hector/Rosaly - YESSSSSS i love how their relationship is depicted in both PtR and the manga series! (favorite panel of all time: "Oh, you bit right away") i've seen some criticisms of this ship and specifically Rosaly essentially being Lisa 2.0 and a namedropped source of Man Pain™ for all of CoD's intro cutscene before never being mentioned again and. yeah, that's all true. BUT its so soft, and quiet and loving. they really are perfect for each other <3 and it's an interesting parallel for Drac/Lisa, and how Hector doesn't go on a genocidal rampage after losing his beloved in the exact same way, despite his own misanthropy still holding strong. does that say something about Hector's character, or was it all just Death's scheming going exactly as planned?

• Hector/Julia - nnnnooo…. come on man. you cant fuck your ex's (that you killed btw) sister that just so happens to look like your recently deceased wife. who was murdered by aforementioned ex. god the baggage going in all directions here... thankfully, even in canon its only implied at best, if you turn your head and squint. i like 'em as Just Friends, thanks - 2 magic wielders that share a bond through being persecuted by humanity, and for losing a mutual someone they cared for deeply. (side note: wish we saw more of Julia! i love that for what little we got of her, she does seem to mirror Isaac, in ways only siblings who are close can)

• N!Hector/Lenore - no and FUCK no. i actively hate this pairing. the only acceptable interaction between these 2 is Hector staking Lenore through the heart with a smile on his face. and before anyone comes for me, it has NOTHING to do with the fact that it's a m/f ship, because as mentioned above, i adore Hector/Rosaly. it's not even because it's abusive, you CAN write and enjoy darker relationship dynamics but. this just wasn't it. if they were going for an enemies-to-lovers kind of thing, they failed spectacularly at establishing the 'to lovers' part. the only reason i enjoyed their S4 interactions is because it's seemingly the only time in the entire series anyone talks to Hector with any level of respect, even if it was just dumb sex jokes.

• Hector/Alucard - this one surprised me, for simultaneously seeming to hold both statuses as 'squarely defined as a rarepair by most fan's standards' but also 'there were at least a good few pages worth of the Hector Castelavnia tag on Ao3 that was just these 2 as the main pairing'?

not really sure how i feel about this one - i like them as individual characters who have a lot of parallels going on (probably because Hector is supposed to be like an 'improved' version of Alucard from what i've read?)

i like the idea of their netflixvania versions trauma bonding after the shit in S3 because good lord they both need someone who can understand what they've been through. but they don't interact at all in the netflix show, so no dice there imo. under a more cynical lens, my feelings are something like "you only ship these 2 because they're both soft prettyboys you wanna see fucking huh"

if you go by the games canon and lore then they're just about the same age and logically would have interacted at least occasionally in their time at Castlevania but ofc we dont see any of it. theres some ancient fanfics out there that expand on this with alucard, hector, and isaac all being childhood friends before they grew up and had to kinda move into their respective roles and protocol and formality and work kinda made them drift apart and i find those very cute <3

i think this pairing could work honestly, they're both generally kind-hearted albeit tragic souls with a cold disposition who experienced the madness of Castlevania and Dracula's vengeance firsthand. there's gotta be something you can pull outta there. mmmaybe not quite friendship either but.... kindred souls. they have that "prince and his knight" kinda vibe, at least aesthetically, which i can get behind! and i like what i've seen from the exceedingly rare pre-netflixvania fics that exist, and even the netflixvania fanfics are kinda cute (please can we move away from the theme of N!Trevor brutalizing N!Hector out of mistrust just as a chance for N!Alucard to swoop in and save him? shit is damn near ubiquitous even in my very brief time exploring)

• Hector/Trevor - (i should specify i'm referring to their games versions exclusively here. N!Trevor isn't even aware of N!Hector's existence afaik) i dig it, there's just the very inconvenient fact that Trevor's supposed to be married to Sypha lol. and i dont really see a trephacard type of situation happening here (not that im crazy for trephacard now that i mention it. it's cute, it's wholesome but eh, not much substance to it? im realizing i like my ships with a pinch of tension)

so much comedic potential! a fun ship to entertain, but i feel like no one seems to make any content that captures their dynamic well. so ultimately this is a "the best ship is friendship" type of relationship for me. i have a headcanon that Trevor tries, really, really tries, to reach out and befriend Hector post-CoD in a way he might not for other people, out of guilt and concern he'd end up like Adrian (except at least Adrian has the option to wake up and rejoin the world, if he felt like he was finally ready someday. Hector, for all his demonic powers, is still very much human and is shown not once, but twice, ready to let himself go peacefully from this world because he just can't envision a future for himself after Castlevania and losing everything that's important to him. and i generally just like Trevor being a Genuinely Good Person, despite being a bit of a pompous hot-head. miss me with whatever netflixvania was going for)

• Hector/Dracula - ….okay so a certain tumblr user's AU got to me and i do enjoy how dark and fucked up this is <33 and thats pretty much exclusively how i view this ship - always a power imbalance, never wholesome. that's all i have to say about it, don't really wanna go into specifics and squick anyone out but uhh yeah. it's not pretty lmao

#castlevania #i am so sorry for how long this got #i feel like i'm not really saying anything new here but i need the words out so they stop pestering me #also yeah canon DOES inform alot of my opinions what of it!#i know with a series with as many gaps and unexplained elements you gotta headcanon to get anything meaningful. and its just fun #but dang with pairings i would at minimum like my blorbos to have interacted and like each other to some degree #castlevaniaposting

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fleetwoodmoth · 2 years

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“I want to write” say no more. 8. Sleepy morning sex w/ Nobody/Ace/Eight or 10. Harder. Harder? Are you sure? w/ Kieran and Crow or Haru (idk if all three would work so) :3c

Listen.... I might do the other one too honestly angjaj

Here's the first and I just realized I cut poor Jacob out cause I had an idea lmao so maybe he'll get his revenge soon

N*S*F*W

Ace/Nobody - Sleepy morning sex

Guardians fucking haha | Ace belongs to @jorgancrath

Nobody let out a heavy sigh, arms slung around Ace's neck as they melted against him, Ace's sturdy frame holding them against the wall behind them. His mouth was against their pulse, his teeth biting a bruise into their throat, marking them, claiming them, the sensation sending electricity up and down their spine.

"Danny," they husked, fingers tangling in his hair as their hips canted into him, wanting so badly to be touched.

"Someone's eager," he said with a chuckle, hot breath making goosebumps raise across their skin.

"Please," they whined, head hazy.

"Averi."

"Say it again."

"Averi."

"Yes, yes."

"Averi."

Nobody's eyes fluttered open, the vision of before melted away to the soft sunlight filtering in through the curtains of the shared bedroom. They shifted, glancing at the clock on the nightstand which read eight in the morning, they then stretched, searching for the source of their stirring.

"Good dream?" The answer came from behind them, lips pressing to the back of their neck, the arm tossed over their hip squeezing them close to a broad chest.

They smiled, letting their eyes slide shut as they let Ace's embrace envelope them.

"Yeah you could say that," they said, voice ragged from sleep.

"Mmm," they felt another kiss, a brush of his nose against their warm skin.

They sighed heavily, their head still buzzing from their dream, and the slow traveling of Ace's hands down their chest, stomach, hips, wasn't helping.

"Want to tell me about it?"

Nobody chuckled, cheeks heating as they became more awake.

"Where's Eight?" They asked.

"Kitchen," Ace mumbled against their skin "you're avoiding the question."

His fingers played at the edge of their boxers, and they could tell he was well aware of their predicament.

"You were kissing me," they said, pressing their body back against his.

"Yeah?" Ace hummed, his fingers slipping beneath their waistband, making their skin jump and twitch at the sensation.

"And you were touching me."

"Like this?"

They let out a moan as Ace groped between their legs, the action causing their hips to push forward into his palm.

"Yes," they replied, heartbeat already pounding in their chest.

"You kept saying my name, you sounded so sweet like that."

They bit their lip, Ace's voice rumbling from his chest against their back as he gripped their length, already hard from their dream.

"What else hmm? What else did I do to you?" He asked as he gave them a few languid strokes.

Averi's head was already swimming, but Daniel was about to set them on fire if he kept this up.

"Danny."

"You sounded just like that," he purred.

They felt him grind his hips forward against them, his own cock already hard as well, the feeling of him against them, even through fabric, was enough to spur them on.

"You were saying my name," they said, swallowing hard.

"Oh Averi," he said, his voice tender.

He suddenly pulled away, and they whined, wriggling back to try and find him again.

"Someone needs me to take care of them," he said as his warmth returned, his hand now on their hip as he hooked a finger under the waistband and tugged their boxers down.

"Please."

"You said that too."

"Danny," they groaned.

He chuckled, his breath playing across their skin as he shifted behind them before wrapping his arm around them again. They let out a wanton moan when his hand returned to teasing them, pressing back into his arms only to feel his cock against their skin. His hand moved from between their legs, his arm circling their throat, a play at restraint.

"Patience," he said with a low growl to his voice, biting their throat again, this time higher. Their armor could cover it, but they would have to take it off eventually, and the Hounds liked to tease each other, they knew they wouldn't hear the end of their jeering or Eight's complaining about missing out.

"Please," they begged again.

"Baby," his tone was warning, even as he teased them, pressing himself into them just slightly.

They let out a frustrated whimper, but they knew if they pressed back to "encourage" him he would pull out completely and leave them to themself which wasn't even comparable to getting fucked by Ace.

"Please, Danny."

"Tell me what you want," he breathed into their ear, hand coming to tighten ever so slightly on their throat.

They swallowed thickly before answering "please, fuck me Daniel."

His chuckle tickled their skin, but they hardly had time to register it as he sunk himself into them. Their hand flew to his hip, nails digging into his skin as their mouth fell open, the keen from their throat breaking free on its own. He didn't allow much time for them to recover as he pulled out before thrusting back into them. They felt his mouth pressing searing kisses against their throat, his hand sliding up to hold their jaw.

"Averi," he said against their skin.

"Yes," they gasped as he rolled his hips against them.

"Good pet."

"Daniel," they snapped, voice wavering as a jolt of pleasure shot through them.

Again Danny laughed, the sound reverberating through them.

"Already? That must have been one good dream."

"It always is if you're in it," they panted, face hot and flushed.

"Do you want to cum?" He asked so casually it made them twitch.

They bit down hard on their lower lip, golden canines piercing the flushed skin as they nodded, whine caught in their throat as they threw their head back and squeezed their eyes shut.

"Say it," Ace hummed, the command so soft it turned them to putty.

"Please."

"Good pet," he purred.

He slid his hand down to stroke them as he picked up his rhythm, his own breathing growing rough against the back of their neck as he chased his own end. Nobody tried to slow their own hips, tried to string out the pleasure. There truly was nothing like fucking after being well rested, it made their body buzz.

"Good pet, good love, fuck," he hissed, biting down on their shoulder as he came.

The sharp pain was followed by a flood of pleasure as Averi let out a yelp before meeting their own end, hips stuttering in Daniel's hand before going still as they tried to catch their breath.

Daniel replaced his teeth with his lips, pressing soothing kisses against their skin, his hand resting on their hip, thumb rubbing circles against their feverish skin.

"Thank you," Averi gulped "thank you."

Ace rolled them forward so that he could bend and kiss them on their swollen lips.

"My pleasure," he said after pulling away.

"Who's going to tell Jacob?"

"You dreamed about me."

Averi swatted at his face as he grinned sleepily at them.

#guardian/guardian #destiny the game #my writing #c: Nobody #c: Ace #nsft

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178owintersball · 2 months

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Lol mind you, the white actor whose character y'all worship so much compared artificial insemination to r*pe and is dating a jordan Peterson stan so he's equally as problematic as his costar. And yes, there has been a lot of racism towards eddie and the problematic actor who plays him no matter how much y'all wanna pretend there hasn't been. Let's keep the same energy and acknowledge the racial biases (not even Buck vs eddie, but Buck vs every poc character on the show).

1) idk where yall got the impression that I worship a white man. I am a black woman. I don’t worship any white people fictional or not. Buck isn’t even my fav character on the show lmao it is and always will be Athena/Angela Bassett.

2) feel free to send a link/source where Oliver said that bc I tried googling it and didn’t find a single thing lol

3) idk who Jordan Peterson is or Oliver’s girlfriend and a quick google search didn’t tell me how either of them are relevant to this topic so 🤷🏾‍♀️

4) i started watching 911 bc Angela Basset was in it. Hated the first season and stopped watching. Saw a fan video of Eddie and Buck together and thought it was real so I tuned back in. Now I watch for Angela Basset AND buddie.

5) I never denied he has to deal with racism but *shocker* I actually don’t care about what Ryan Guzman has to deal with considering he’s made it clear racism isn’t an important issue for him lmao why should I care if he doesnt? He also cant act for shit. So I’m really not interested in him outside of him playing Eddie Diaz. Which I wouldn’t be mad about if he was recasted 🤷🏾‍♀️

7) I like the show and I like the buddie ship. I don’t follow the actors (other than Angela). I tune in on Thursdays, read fics, reblog content and go on about my day. The show has a A LOT of good things about it but also a laundry list of problematic themes/actors/producers etc. from Ryan murphy, to police propaganda the show has plenty of issues like most shows. But I chose to ignore it and the same way you and everyone else who tunes in does.

Hope this clears everything up! 💋

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kogameh · 1 year

Text

whenever i draw fanarts, the biggest satisfaction to me is when i was able to draw...an idea that is unique to the source material, something that i cant just simply recycle to ocs or any other fandoms, and especially, something fans of the source material can appreciate the most... its also something i knew i cant achieve with ocs. because at least with fanarts, at least someone get the context behind the art. i couldnt care less if im not drawing for a bigger or more popular fandom if i was able to share my love for something like this to the same people who love the source material as much as i do... im fully aware that my artstyle is not the most desirable. or the most social media-favored. or just anything thats worth being stared at anything for more than 5 minutes, haha. thats why i rarely post my doodles or rarely draw headshots because...i often find to look the most boring... but thats also why i really. tried really hard to get rid of my shortcomings by focusing more on the composition and "story" side of it over anything else. i tried. again. really hard to put my style in the backburner so the flaws of my unappealing style wont overshadow the "story" i wanted to tell in my art....

but yknow i just...feel like lately its all pointless hahaa...

so just when my mimi fanarts gets the most attention solely because it has mimi on it and not because of the art that i drew...im starting to ask...whats the point anymore if i even spend any extra time beyond just drawing the character. i might as well just draw the most soulless headshot or even stickman of the character and i'd guarantee it'll still get as much attention only because of the subject i drew. and the last important thing being...my art.... and this isnt just limited to one character or fandom, haha. every time any more replies to any of my art starts focusing on the subject over anything i put in the art, i knew that i failed to deliver the "story" i wanted to tell. at that point its starting to feel like...my art is nothing more than an accessory to a conversation starter. haha. i get it. my art isnt all that appealing. and my composition is still extremely amateur. but i guess no matter how much love and soul i tried to put in my art, it still doesnt matter if the subject is not creating any interesting conversation...

and its lately more and more apparent when i start to draw more oc artworks and obviously? theres less things to talk about now since theres 0 prior attachments existing with my ocs! :')

you could say that its mainly because im drawing for a small fandom. you could say its because i drew for a fandom where 90% of its contents is untranslated. but i just cant help but think...its simply because im still not good enough.....

i cant translate. im not fluent in any languages that isnt my mother tongue. im not the most talkative and hardly ever fit in any friend group. and every skills i have any inch of knowledge of is barely useful to anyone. and i know that i’ll never be remembered for anything. so i just....in the end, when i love something, the last i could do to say that "i love it" is to tell them with my art, despite its shortcomings and imperfections... but i guess thats...still not enough... to prove even that... :')

so just. haha. idk. even right now i kinda...lost all my motivation to draw. every single time i tried to i started to ask "is this even worth it?" and wonder if i shouldnt finish the art and put the bare minimum on it now, even if its gonna be the most soulless thing i've drawn. ultimately, a part of me just felt like i shouldve changed my priorities and focus starting this year. haha.

(and i'll just be real. if someones gonna say "draw for yourself!!! not for others!!!!" i would...rather not just post them at all to solve that. period. saves MUCH more of my time and anxiety if i just stopped posting them!!! :'))

i just. really dont know anymore...

#tbd ///#please dont reply if you have nothing important to say. thanks.#i just needed this off my chest bc i really...cant draw anything rn...#ultimately if you start mass liking my art after reading this please dont. im not intending on guilt tripping anyone here :')#and i dont intend on vaguing anyone. any names or fandoms here are just examples for emphasis. thanks.#also cool i typed this on impulse and on a stress week so if you see me regretting this post later 👍 gj

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liliththeladyliker · 2 years

Text

Ive been obsessed with lilith on and off for years, but now im trying to find her real origins and literally all of the sources contradict eachothers like??? or or they will be like 'she was mentioned in this BC text' but dont mention the fact i could be a fake from the 193Os And lilith is sometimes referd to the same way you would read jackel, like a antlered rabbit doesnt exist it represents something wich i used to KNOW

HAT but i dont now, lilith represent a sphinx in most cases i forgot what those represent as well

It would not surprise me if sphinxes were just female demons

Lilin is male she devils? so genderqueer PogU

Okay andi have to mention it, yeah shes the cause of every sexual thought ever probs bc women are responsible for mens actions and they cant help it its lilith guys really

Okay i get that this text is from 728292 bc but i wap give my own take on her cause

anything reaanything real

So lilith is made from dust juat the same as adam. They argue over who tops in sex leading lilith to run away from the garden of edan. So here we have adam who is depressed out of his mind begging God for a wife, and so God takes his rib in his sleep and forms eve. what if the take away was some people arent going to work with us, while others out there we cant live without eachother? idk i cant flesh that out the way want to

Medusa!!! Okay sin or envy idr is the daughter of lilith in 'Fallen Paradise' who is a gorgon. Then we have the snake who in the mediveal century would grow a womens face and body, so yknow gorgon

Apparently shes also know as the daughter of dracula didnt know that one kay this one essay is pointing out that 'lytyt' appears no where else in the bible and if following the pattern of scriptures probably a owl (before it is 'sa'ir' or goat OR sayter)

as demons

bird connection (earliest found mention of her is making a house in a tree and art of the time depicted her with bird legs and wings) whos to say owl hybrids arent just demoness?

Also the Greco-Roman word for gorgon is lamia which is what lylyt is translated to in The Vulgate

Also in greek red hair was seen a slut thing to have so lilith usually has some red hair

if i recall correctly its because red hair was seen as *exotic* and *special* so weird shit

#lilly.braindump

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prrism · 2 years

Note

I just binge read your babysitter!reader series (idk what to call it) and inhales deeply YOU CANT JUST LEAVE US THERE!! GIVE US A BABY RANBOO OR BABY NIKI ALL THE SYNDICATE NEED TO BE INVOLVED NOW!!! I want mmmmmoooooorrrrreeee

Okayokay, please don’t hurt yourself now. I’ll happily write more babysitter!reader stuff… We'll start with Ranboo

Ender Chibi

Summary: Just when you thought everything finally calmed down a guest arrives with a small enderman and a request…

Characters: Ranboo x Reader (feat. Tubbo)

Relationship: platonic

Pronouns: unspecified/kept neutral

It’d been awhile since your own adventure of being turned into a young child again and you were sure no more incidents would pop up again, however fate seemed to love putting you into these strange situations when you hear a knock on the door. You stretch yourself out after adding a few touches to your latest project, it was supposed to be a “simple” redstone contraption to help with keeping your items safe, and by simple we of course mean complicated, you could never understand how your friend made it look so easy whenever you’d pay him a visit.

“I’m coming!” You call when you hear the knocking again. Opening the door reveals Tubbo looking to you rather concerned. “Hey, are you alright?” You ask taking note of the minor shift in his gaze.

“Ummm, I have a problem and Phil suggested you’re the best help for the job.” Tubbo says sheepishly.

“What kind of problem?” You look at him suspiciously, this better not be going where you think it is. It takes him a second of looking around frantically to finally grab something just out of view.

“Uhh, here.” He holds up a rather small black and white creature who you could recognize instantly and you groaning in frustration, you thought this was over, how does this keep happening?

“Do you know how this happened to him?” You start off calmly as to not freak out the baby enderman you now held you your arm.

“Not really, we were just gathering some materials for Snowchester when I suddenly found him like this.” He explains simply, you nod and take a quick glance at Ranboo, he became a little squirmy at this so you tried to keep full eye contact to a minimum.

“Alright,” you finally say. “I’ll keep an eye on him until this wears off.”

“Oh thank you. You’re a real lifesaver you know that?” Tubbo says already making his leave.

“So I’ve been told!” You call watching him disappear into the distance. “I’m not even going to bother asking if you can speak, but can you at least understand me?” You glance down at Ranboo again, being sure not to look directly at him. He makes a small chirping sound similar to a regular enderman’s along side a small head tilt which was all the confirmation you needed. “Great, cool. Why don’t we play some games.” You suggest not waiting for an answer.

You spent the day entertaining Ranboo with various activities, finding that he would try and fail to teleport whenever he seemed to get too bored thankfully this helped you keep him from leaving and knowing when it was time for something else. Eventually you bring him outside, figuring the large open field you had fenced off would be enough space for him to explore without straying too far. Once you set him down did it fully click just how small he was as a child compared to his normal size, but it was also kinda adorable seeing him this tiny, especially when he made some happy enderman chirps and started exploring. While he busied himself with that you got to work on some farming, being sure to checkup on him every so often.

“Alright, beets are taken care of, now onto-“ An ear piercing shriek cuts you off as you frantically look around for the source of the sound. Eyes landing on an opened barrel you used for storing water. “Oh nononono!” You dash over and reach inside, quickly able to pull out a now crying Ranboo. “C’mon, let’s go get you dried off.” You mutter while hurrying inside. You snatch as many towels as you can and start to carefully dry the soaked enederman off, the damage was thankfully not too bad, certainly could’ve been worse had you not noticed immediately, but there were a few areas you still had to patch up.

When all was said and done you lay him down next to you to rest up. Apparently Ranboo didn’t like his position because he instead crawls up on your lap and curls up nice and comfy there for a nap. You chuckle quietly to yourself and gently smooth down his hair to further help him fall asleep. You’re about ready to doze off yourself when that now familiar whirling noise fills your ears, followed by more weight placed on your legs as a now normal sized Ranboo continues with his nap. You also continue the gentle action of smoothing down his hair until you’ve passed out too.

When you wake up you’re surprised to see that Ranboo was still sleeping away, guess you exhausted more of his energy then you thought. You give him a few soft nudges to coax him awake, not that you really wanted to disturb his peaceful sleep but your legs were going numb. Soon enough he starts stirring awake, opening his eyes and looking up at you very confused.

“Hello sleepyhead, have a nice nap?” You ask.

“Umm, why am- how did-I’m sorry.” He fumbles over his words.

“You have no reason to apologize.” You reassure, then you help recall the day for him watching him pull a book from his inventory and scribble down notes as you do. “If anything I’m the one who’s sorry.” You finish making him pause and look at you. “Had I been paying more attention to you over my farm you wouldn’t have fallen into that barrel of water. I was supposed to be responsible and yet…” You trail off with a sigh.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. I’m all better now thanks to you too, right? So it’s fine. I’ve had worse injuries.” He tries to reassure you, with a goofy smile.

“I guess, can’t help but feel a little guilty though.” You say with a hum. “Well it’s about time you make your way home.”

“Oh I get it, don’t want me around anymore I see.” He jokes, you playfully shove him.

“You’re always a delight to have around Ranboo, but I don’t think you want Tubbo or Micheal worrying about you.”

“Yeah fair. Thanks again (y/n). See you around.” He says as he makes his leave. You give him a wave as he makes his way home before heading back inside. “Alright, time to tackle you again.” You say with determination as you pull out some redstone and your friends instructions.

If you want to see more babysitter!reader stuff let me know what characters you’d like to, well babysit next

#dream smp #dream smp x reader #dream smp x platonic reader #dsmp x reader #dsmp x platonic reader #ranboo #ranboo x reader

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ao3commentoftheday · 3 years

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not sure if its the appropriate blog to send this to but the culture around "dont just like/give kudos, reblog & add comments!!" has just made me stop engaging so much in fandom at all. i have completely stopped using the like button for art/fic even if im reblogging it, just in case they dont notice ive rbed it as well or if i put it on a sideblog, and with fics especially if i cant think of something to say in the tags i dont reblog it [1/3]

the thought of the author being disappointed or angry with me for not commenting/only writing a word or two/giving a templated response is too much and stresses me out completely, especially since ive seen multiple creators calling their fans out either via vagueposts or by @ing/screenshotting peoples urls to shame them. i fully and completely understand why creators need the feedback - i myself post stuff occasionally and it does suck when its paid very little attention [2/3]

- but that culture that came up around it was so utterly paralysing to me that im largely disengaged at this point. i feel it has cooled down now but it had a real anger to it for so long that i just feel low key guilty for even looking at free fanworks at this point. you were one of the first bigger blogs i saw who loudly went against that culture so i did want to say thanks but idk what, if anything, there is i can do about feeling this way [3/3]

*hugs* this is definitely a good blog to bring this question to. I’ve talked a lot about this, and I think it’s something that needs to be discussed more.

Authors who are doing this are bullying their readership and their fellow fans.

Yes, it hurts when people don’t visibly appreciate your hard work. Yes, it’s painful when other authors get attention you don’t. Yes, it can be demotivating and heartbreaking when you share something you love and hear nothing back.

None of that is a reason to lash out at people, to screenshot and shame them, or to make people feel guilty over something they do in their free time for fun.

Because guess what? Writing fic is also something you do in your free time for fun. If it’s not fun anymore, the solution isn’t to browbeat others into making it fun for you. The solution is either taking a break and changing your focus or finding something else that’s fun about writing since comments and kudos aren’t a reliable source of serotonin.

All of this is to say, anon, that there’s nothing at all wrong with reading fic and not saying anything afterwards. There’s nothing wrong with giving a thumbs up or a like or a kudos and leaving it at that. There’s nothing wrong with being quiet, or not having anything to say or being tired or just not wanting to comment.

You’ll probably need to consciously remind yourself for a while that reading without commenting is okay. Reading without leaving kudos is okay. Liking without reblogging is okay. It’s your blog, your time, your thoughts and feelings and you get to do (or not do) whatever you want with them.

*hugs* I’m really sorry that you’ve been made to feel this way, anon, and I hope it gets better for you. I hope those authors are able to find their happiness again too. I’ve been in that dark place where they are and it’s not a fun place to be. I’m so glad that I was able to make it out to the other side.

#asks and answers #Anonymous

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probably-haven · 3 years

Text

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons.

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself. This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already. Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often. Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan.

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is.

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so-

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me. I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit.

Venti’s response to this:

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom.

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already-

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiaoven #genshin barbatos #opinions #discourse #? idk ill tag it just in case #dont mind my constant backtracking and justifying and repeated disclaimers-#i just have a crippling fear of being cancelled lol

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goddessjynx · 3 years

Text

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

#send help #please reblog #mental health #parents #mother #father #moms #family #reblog #important #self care #self love #self help #self esteem #self healing #my story

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