#im also tired of people lying ro me im so fucking tired of it

[rhythmgamer]

vent under Keep Reading

i was trying to do my assignments and. i just can't focus. nothing I'm doing is entering my head. I can't focus. i just can't. and i have so much to do. including eating. and drinking water. and I'm just lying on my head doing nothing cus i. simply can't bring myself ro do anything. god i feel like an absolute failure. why is that everyone else can just. do things. how do people. be people. i want to know. i feel so so broken rn like a broken doll i just can't function the way I'm supposed to function.

also that reminded me. everytime I've tried telling my mother about the ADHD symptoms i face she'd told me "oh you've been like this since childhood" and just. dismissed it. just like that. just because I've been like that since childhood. also also also. literally nobody. LITERALLY NOBODY I KNOW IRL RELATES TO ME. even a close friend here. a friend very very very dear to me. when i told faer about how I can't focus no matter how much i try to.

fae replied "well are you trying?"

and that just. broke my heart. like it feels. I'm the only fucking person in this entire uni who's suffering like this. only fucking person who's dealing with undiagnosed ADHD which is literally crippling them from functioning like a normal person. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i want to function normally. im not saying i hate myself but i just wish I wasn't this broken. so fucking broken that I can't even bring myself to study even if i want to. I CAN'T PUT MY MIND TO THINGS I WANT TO PUT MY MIND TO WHAT BULLSHIT IS THAT. WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I ATE OR DRANK WATER OR BRUSHED MY TEETH OR TOOK A BATH OR LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL. WHY AM I FAILING SO BAD AT LITERALLY EXISTING WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

why do i even. try. at this point. even if i go to any psychiatrist they'll probably dismiss me seeing my good grades till grade 12. they'll be like "this person can't have ADHD look at the grades". even though grades are nowhere a criterion for ADHD. i just know it. this is india. people don't even know ADHD exists I don't expect them to have a clear idea of it. i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here. literally nobody irl understands me and the pain I've had to go through all my life why why why why do i even try. i just feel like. giving up. letting this disorder win cus I'M TIRED. I'm so so so so tired of fighting it I don't know how long i can anymore I'M TIRED. i know I'm normally silly here on tumblr but I'm sorry I'm very mentally ill with severe undiagnosed ADHD for whom it'll be a huge struggle to get diagnosed. i just wish for once people understood my pain and struggling and accomodated for me. for once.

#shashi vent #adhd posting

[autumn-foxfire]

The thing i noticed when i look at dabihawks fanart n read through your expiriences with the meta part of the fandom is that a lot of people seem to lean on dabi side of the dabihawks conflict. Like its hawks who has to make changes to earn dabi. Its hawks whos turned it a villain, its hawks who forgives or even thanks dabi for what he did. Actually i dont think ive ever seen art ro read a fic (but to be fair im extremly selective in fic reading) where dabi is the one to apologise and try to earn hawks

N i think this sorta makes sense because for a lot of dabihawks shippers, dabi is probably their favorite out of the two. That also makes sense cuz hes been around longer n has appealing design so it makes sense that people would try and fit hawks around dabis narrative instead of vice versa. They find dabi more likable n more interesting so its his side they want to explore.

I feel that this is completely different for me because hawks is my no 1 best boy. Like before hawks bnha was the kind of show where i would say 'oh i like the characters but none of them are mine fav' like id say shouto, shinsou or jirou were my favs mostly based on aesthetics or recognizing pieces i usually like in characters in them, but those pieces never being strong enough for me to say this is my fav bnha character like id say izaya is my favorite durarara character or ranpo is my favorite bungo stray dogs character. And then bam. Bird Time. Like when i first saw hawks i think the most i thought was 'damn thats a cool design' but as we got more of him he very quickly became the character i loved most and wanted to see more off.

Dabi on the other hand i was never really interested in. Like he was cool n all but overall i didnt really care for him until the touya theory dropped and until dabihawks. For me hes perfectly fine, i dont dislike him or anything but i like him most when hes involved with other characters i like, like Todorokis n Hawks. Like even now after a good while on Dabihawks juice id still stay hes not my fav villain. That would probably be Toga, Geten (as little as we get of him) and honestly mr compress just for being an evil magician i need more mr compress

So the fact that hawks is my fav means that unlike ppl whos fav is dabi i focus more on how can dabi earn hawks. How can dabi get better, would he ask for help, would he quit villainy, would he apologize. And most importantly would hawks accept him back.

Makes me feel like amongst dabihawks shippers theres simply two different streams that would probably get annoyed by each others content n feel like the other is spoiling their fav character.

Like i sure as fuck get annoyed when artists i follow for dabihawks start talking about how hawks should have been a villain n how hawks is actually an evil murderer while the league has a point n is poiting out that the heroes will save only those who dont fight back. No really thats a take i heard, lets just forget muscular, mustard, moonfish, gentle, the yakuza and ALL FOR FUCKING ONE who were all arrested perfectly fine without fighting back. But of course these people dont mean saved as in arrested, forced to rexamin their own behavior and work to be better people, they mean saved as in i want my favs to be coddled and patted on the back and instantly forgiven and even told they were right all along and they are the most special a good. Geeze

I fuckin went off subject so hard this is less of an ask n more of a rant now. The only good thing about seeing all those bad takes is that every time i see one my motivation to write a dabihawks story where dabi faces concequences, and they actually have to hash the whole villain hero ideologies thing out, grows stronger

...I’m sorry, I wanted to answer this sooner but wanted to get the smaller asks out of the way first T-T

But yes! That’s been my experience when it comes to Dabihawks as well. Not many people focus on Hawks side of the conflict and instead tend to make him the agressor in the relationship when they want conflict (it always tends to be Hawks who upsets Dabi for example, or Hawks will say something insensitive towards Dabi or do something that upsets Dabi). Not many people treat them as a pair, they just tend to focus on the Dabi angst more then the Hawks angst or angst experienced by the both of them (I like to call that the Dabias and many people suffer from it in the Dabihawks shipping fandom I’ve found).

I like reading stories like this too, from time to time, but I’m just tired of all the stories or comics or fan art being Hawks the bad person in the relationship with him having to apologise and make it up to Dabi. Especially when in canon it’s Dabi that has treated Hawks pretty terribly (he almost got him killed by lying to him about when he was going to release High End and he almost killed him during the raid, meanwhile Hawks hasn’t anything as horrible towards Dabi except hold him at knife point but that was more for his own protection then to threaten Dabi).

I feel like I’m just bitching because people don’t wrote fanfiction to my specifications but you’d be grumpy too if your favourite character always gets the short end of the stick in work that is supposed to be about the pair of them being a couple.

Also don’t get me started on the stories that make Hawks “see the light” and join Dabi’s side after he maimed him, some even going far as to have him thank Dabi for what he did. It just reeks of the Dabias and I absolutely hate. Let Hawks experience trauma you cowards, especially trauma that we know was caused by the hands of dear old Dabi.

I wish more work would try to reform Dabi as a person instead of having Hawks become a villain (especially because works that usually have Hawks become a villain tend to ignore the horrifying plans the League want to commit or acknowledged them but fool themselves into thinking Hawks would actually be down for all the BS). I think it’s more interesting to see a bad person try to change, it’s why I’ve enjoyed Endeavor’s character arc despite not liking him as a character. Like sure, I don’t mind bastardization arcs too but they have to be done with character I can see it happening too and Hawks isn’t that type of person.

(In fact it’s such an interesting source of conflict that Dabi and Hawks are very resolved people. They’re not likely to change their ways for anything but I don’t really see people explore that even though it’s the perfect source for angst).

I’m so tired of villain stans who wanted Hawks to become evil (and then wanted him to validate their murder favs). I want more stories where Hawks puts his foot down and Dabi realises he wants to be a better person for him (it’s in those stories I could actually see him bonding with his family again too because right now Dabi is a man with no qualms with breaking his family apart for his revenge).

I just wished more people would let Dabi face the consequences of his actions too. Like if you’re going to make Hawks suffer for what he did (even though I roll my eyes at the thought) then Dabi who has done much worse should be suffering ten times over.

Make it make sense.

#bnha #bnha dabihawks #dabihawks #thanks for the ask!! #rant #from the both of us really XD #thegaygyrus

[alchemist-shizun]

As expected, Dealing with intrusive thoughts is now one of my favorites

Here I come with almost all of my reactions on the episode, even though I tagged the spoiler warnings I put everything under the cut just in case. Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster while I'll probably go and rewatch it again.

Okay kinda expected one or two of the warnings but all of them together what is gonna happen???? (Though they make sense after reading the title)

HELLO FRESH BACK AGAIN

"I'm awesome and I can do this" there goes my boy. *said boy falls flat on the floor* ...come on

I felt that yawn bc I stayed up all night waiting for the video but it dropped at 8 am, I'm an idiot who should've gotten more sleep

"help me" why is he such a mood "everything is going wrong in my life" same but YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT LET ME HUG YOU

They're all sinking up so fast god I missed my bois. Also the general awkwardness of Virge and Pat, greeeeat something will go wrong

Virgil just ignoring everything and touching the railing, a mood

ALSO PLEASE LET ROMAN IN THE SITUATION

SECRET SECRETS ARE NO FUN TELL ME NOW OR ELSE WE'RE DONE

wait why does Ro want to be deeply troubled- man are you okay-

LOGAN'S HERE

"your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise" "FALSEHOOD" "I stand corrected" omfg

"what are you ta- what are you talking- what are you talking about?" I loved that whole take it made me feel complete

"Look I barely got any sleep" this can apply to a lot of us and I love just how we're all always like "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF" but in the end this is where we all end up anyway

Okay I'm very curious about these troubling thoughts though

"so sushi" FUCCC I DIED RIGHT THERE

"Don't act like that was an accident" "everybody, Virgil. Let's give it up for the Purp Man" these speak for themselves. Also the purp man is my new fav nickname and I'm gonna use it.

4:17 Patton is adorable bye

"if you continue to push this we're going to end up in really dangerous territory" AND THAT'S WHERE THE TENSION STARTED TO BUILD UP

great flick

"am I delirious or is this the funniest video I've ever made" I felt that

YOU HIGH-JOCKED

okay but when Thomas starts disassociating I also feel really weird like as if there was something blocking my own hearing for real?? And not just the audio edited like that?? Maybe I'm just too tired

WHAT WHO WHHH first intrusive thought making its way what is gonna happen

OH MY GOD ROMAN WATCH OUT ALSO THAT'S DEFINITELY A NEW DARK SIDE OR SMTH LIKE THAT

W HO THE FUCKLKDSL IS THAT A MOUSTACHE IS THAT GLITTER WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE WEARING WHAT IS HE DOING THERE PLEASE- okay but he looks crazy af I like that

"-evIL" "-SHOW UP"

First time I watched the scene where Ro gets knocked out I literally just screamed "ROMAN" in a high pitched sound I was shook wtf my bOY

Patton and Thomas's yells in unison plus "YOU KILLED HIM" I just I JUST

"Ah, he's the Duke" "....... boo" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay but his voice is so on point with his character portrayal he's so weird it's awesome?

SONG SONG SONG and oh goodness the visuals I can't fathom how much editing work must have gone through this, they're all so talented.

"aunt patty naked" A G AI N??

"IM GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT"

a snaKE IT'S DECEIT oh my these silouhettes are so great this is my favorite scene

this is gonna be stuck in my head all day

THE COOL MIRROR EDIT.

god i hate him so much already but i'm super intrigued he's so chaotic the whole team made a wonderful job i'll never stop saying this

"i'm really stupid right now" just how much out of context relatable content are we going to get on this fine day?

omg the dark version of creativity, which can be associated with intrusive thoughts, that's very clever

THE JUICY STUFF DANCE

"Repression can be very bad indeed" I mean he's right tbh it leads to never solving the problem at all

GO LOGAN GO HAVE YOUR TIME TO SHINE FINALLY i missed him

"i can't hear youuuuuu" much like "I don't understand what you're saying I don't know anything about words" THE DARK SIDES ARE ALL SASSY LITTLE BITCHES

pattonnnn did a real good job

THE BRAVE HANDSOME UNBEATABLE ROMAN and mashed potatoes

"scary" and Virgil just gives Thomas a look idk I live on the little details (Im ten minutes into the vid and look how long this post already is)

GEE Remus (already using his name bc it's shorter) looking so offended at the label and then pointing out it should be a Virgil problem whAT DOES THIS MEAN IM SHAKING

WHY WOULD HE BE DECEIT AGAIN IM DYING. "Idk if you guys can tell but I'm a little silly"

"then why are you lying" no everybody I don't need angst

THE BLACK AND THE WHITE THEORY I SAW GOING AROUND good job to whoever thought of that

JOAN

the forbidden dance

INTO A BUTTHOLE WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BUTTHOLES

there u go thomas said it too

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate FHDSLAKLFD

irresponsible parenting, Logan completing the parental unit of the sides

"maybe there's hope for you after all!" me looking at all my wips

REMUS' LAUGH IS PERFECT. also "BITCH WHAT IS *YOUR* DEAL"

"you've never been one to soften the truth" OH BOI HERE WE GO

"do we have some case of brain swap???" I legitly said "maybe" in unison with Patton the first time

Vee pls stop putting Thommy boy down he's having a bad time

Logan trying to put some sense into the situation is my only spark of hope for this to turn back good

REMUS IS SO DRAMATIC

That lick was ....... let's pretend it never happened

"you know who can help us with that???" DECEIT'S SONG COMING UP that was great, imagine the chaos that the duo would create

"THATS WHAT REPRESSION IS?"

gasp Remus trying to make Virgil angry at Logan shall not stand DON'T PUT THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP

"you all are not listening to Thomas" this is the development I needed

"you're just para-" and he cuts himself. You all know what I'm talking about. Foreshadowing probably? This happened too back then when Roman was almost calling him the same. And then Virge looks so hurt I- "thank you for being on guard" that made me want to cry idk

the whole speech Logan gave? Pure gold. That was perfect.

HE SAID FIGURATIVELY *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"UH RECORD SCRATCH?"

"does this make me cool?" djslagrkglhf also the teeth thing right after what the

... the deodorant eating ...

DUKEY

The first time I watched I thought his name was spelled Remis that's how dumb my Italian ass is

Still I love his name bc I'm a nerd for ancient culture, ESPECIALLY Roman (and ancient Greek but it isn't mentioned here) and I love the little thing they did with both Creativity names, super clever and very much liked on my part.

"I would never hide anything from you" and he looks at Virgil JUST ALL THIS FORESHADOWING

LOGAN SHOWING HIS TEETH BACK UP

"how about you shut up" Roman what the hecc man

THAT THING INTO LOGANS HEAD UNSETTLED ME A BIT

what are they doing to him today let him rest

double blow

"can we logic our way out of that?" everybody nodding was so pure

"shit"

THAT FUCKING JUMPSCARE I'M SORRY WHAT THE FU

"not all thoughts are meaningful"

He's go- no he's back again

THE CALLBACK MENTION AND PATTONS REACTION... probable foreshadowing to what Joan said about there being a part two of SvS?

"When are you actually gonna jump out of a moving car I've been bringing it up for years" so it's not just me..?

"it is okay if the thought happens to cross your mind"

"everything is okay" I'm going to cry I needed that

I love how Logan touches the topic that there is no problem in seeking help from therapists. There's a lot to say on this, but I was really glad that was pointed out since the are a lot of stereotypes on the matter

why did Virgil look like he was about to cry

Patton I love you

Thomas going to rest is what everyone wanted to see

Virgil confronting Remus I'm living you're doing amazing sweetie

"you tickle me emo"

"it was just like old times" then Pat and Lo's looks in this essay I will

ROMAAAAN

VIRGILS SMILE

"YOU'RE ALIVE"

"I LOVE YOU" ME TOO!! ME TOO ME TOO

"are you good?" "are you hurt at all?" I love when the sides look out for each other

"I'm sorry Logan" right through the heart. Another development.

I need y'all to look at Virgil in this exact second because. he.

that's my point.

All those smiles while Logan's talking are making me alive

"No seriously, you're ... really ... cool" I started tearing up right here. Twice. And then Logan sinks down cause he's not at all used to this and he's feeling t h i n g s please keep on being appreciated you deserve it

Also Patton always learning from his mistakes and understanding them when he does something wrong or he thinks in the wrong direction, that's something I think a lot of people need to learn, including myself. Like, it's okay to be wrong and make mistakes, just do your best to make sure you're improving yourself afterwards, instead of dwelling on it too much

"I don't like him" makes two of us

"Soooo you have a brother?" oh boy

The m i r r o r it's making me cry

"He's gone now and he's never coming back!" "I don't think that's-" "BYEE" what was all that talk about repression for if you contiNUE TO DO THIS ROMAN please I beg of you let us hELP YOU he's making me die inside

Oh boi the big moment. I already expected a bomb to drop since Virgil was the last one remaining.

"You okay buddy?" "Huh?" op somehow was already found crying

"I'm a little disappointed in myself" istg all that foreshadowing mixed with me wanting to hug him

The music picking up tension, this is poetic cinema let me tell you

I noticed how he calls them "the others", all these tiny details is what I'm living for

"I should know better" I couldn't beLIEVE IT, also how he seemed to be so frustrated made something inside me break

the pause and then "Because I was one of them", the music stops for a second, a little second in which you can hear my distant screaming "GOSH HE SAID IT IT WAS TRUE"

Thomas is speechless and just stares at him while the music picks up again and then Virgil's sigh and expression sinking down like "there you have it. that's the truth. and you can't do anything about it" he looks so defeated I'm breaking down.

Did I already mention poetic cinema? I just love angst and this scene was perfect

First time watching I, too, barely understood anything I was listening to in the last parte because all of that was really a lot to take in.

"Those thoughts that you may have thought do not define you"

"[the thought] may simply be that we are really okay"

"Go to bed!" me

no im not in the mood for food because for some unfathomable reason I had anxiety before the video dropped yay me

WHY ARE U DRINKING RED WINE WITH THAT DISH

GAVIN BEST BOY EVER

and last but not least: are you fucking serious Remus

THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT FANDFKJL

I didn't expect this topic at all and I am so glad it was talked about, thankfully my intrusive thoughts do not bother me as much as I realized other people's do. And I never saw anyone talking about this before, which is why it makes this video so important. I saw a tweet recently about someone saying that it is okay if you think about weird things, the important is that you never act on them, that's what makes you a good person. But I think this video really explains it far better and I never realized how common something like this was? So yeah another time in which I've been educated and couldn't be happier about it. These people really are bringing light to the world gah I LOVE THEM.

oKAY guess I'm done this was a wild ride and yeah I tend to point out EVERYTHING, so here you have it, as I already mentioned if you feel the need to geek out too, I'm here for ANYBODY! (pls I have no friends)

#ts spoiler #thomas sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides spoilers #roman sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #ts roman #ts logan #ts remus #ts virgil #ts patton #ts deceit #deceit mention #swearing #tw swearing #dealing with intrusive thoughts #spoilers

[kekeslider]

im gonna rant about a//urance + k/ancers under the cut so just ignore me if youre not into that

i dont get how people keep saying they NEVER saw a//urance coming, and the show didnt do a good enough job building up to it, when since like season 3 k/ancers have spent half their time trying to prove a//urance wasnt endgame. no one did that with p/ance or h@nce because those werent canon threats. a//urance ALWAYS has been and k/ancers have been knowing that but after s7 proved them wrong they decide to turn around and say a//urance has no build up. and its so obnoxious looking back at how much people have changed their view of it over the past 2 years

s1-2 no one was worried about a//urance for a number of reasons. the fandom generally thought a//ura was older and probably going to end up with sh!ro (sidenote that bc of the way s1-2 characters were moved around from their 80s counterparts, v/d sha//ura was basically the same pairing as 80s ka//ura + whatever sven + rome//e’s ship name is, bc conceptually v/d a//ura combined 80s a//ura and rome//e- peaceful/diplomatic princess [a//ura] and also warrior princess [rome//e].and v/d sh!ro was given 80s ke!ths position and characterization). sha//ura was everyone’s assumed endgame, the obvious one, while they thought k/ance would be the surprise slowburn endgame. add in that a//urance looked like a finn/bubblegum kind of thing, younger boy with a big obvious crush on disinterested older girl, and that lance and ke!th had a lot of focus in s1. back then, i can understand why no one saw a//urance coming. but looking back, it looks just like kat@@ng, so maybe we should have known.

once s3 hit, after everyone found out a//ura was a teen and therefore sha//ura was super unlikely, people started being afraid of both a//urance and ka//ura, but mostly a//urance bc the fandom went hard against ka//ura based on s2 (and other nonsense i wont get into rn). this is when you start getting metas about why a//urance would be a terrible endgame, why k/ance has more going for it. people say lance was too rude and creepy towards her in s1-2 so it sends a bad message, they say a//ura isnt reciprocating. every moment between them is CLEARLY platonic, 100000 word essay about why every a//urance interaction leads to k/ance. but its ok bc even tho s3 had a//urance moments, it still had loads of k/ance interaction [everyone collectively forgot about every ke!th and a//ura interaction including myself].

then in s4 ke!th leaves. lance and ke!th barely interact, but we see a couple good a//urance interactions. from s4 on we start seeing a//urance scenes that resemble k/ance scenes-which ill get to later. the bit on naxzela kinda looks like the bonding moment- “are you okay?” but otherwise s4 doesnt have a whole lot. but s5 gives us more a//urance while ke!th is straight up gone and does not talk to the team at all, which further lessens the perceived ka//ura threat. lance and a//ura have the sword scene, mutual support, lance takes a//uras side on the lot*r problem. but s5 gave people hope for a lance arc related to the clone, which would have to involve ke!th as well, 1+1= k/ance.

then s6 is a big turn around. it starts with a//urance looking dead and buried, despite some positive a//urance moments, bc of lot*ra, and ends with yet another supportive and emotional a//urance scene. meanwhile there’s not really 1 good k/ance moment unless you go BEYOND subtext when looking at their interactions. and with no lot*r, a//urance is once again a possibility. BUT people held on so tight to the rebound argument, and a LM interview, that they STILL refused to see the a//urance build up. that’s why s7 fucked everyone up so much. literally willful blindness and people trying to meta their way out of a//urance build up, until the blushing happened and it was SO in your face you couldnt deny it.

thats the part that irks me. it’s not that a//urance had no build up, its that the entire fandom purposefully refused to see it and would write metas about how lances feelings for a//ura were still about ke!th. there WAS build up, and it was consistent, and it makes sense. if you think the s1-3 k/ance friendship building was good romantic development, you have to acknowledge that the s3-7 a//urance friendship building was too.

and look, i get it. everyone has been clinging to k/ance since before a//urance even looked possible bc v/d has shitty inconsistent writing. you dont have to like a//urance, god knows i have nitpicky things with it, but saying it has no buildup is flat out lying. you can be mad that a//urance and k/ance have similar scenes while only a//urance is romantic. you can be mad about k/ance baiting in the marketing (which isnt done by the writers or showrunners and therefore isnt their fault). you can like k/ance better for whatever your reasons are, ive never been discrete about it being my preferred ship, but taking that out on the ship itself is rude to people who DO like the ship, because it has development and is probably canon, and is also just stupid. its willful ignorance.

i have issues with the way certain a//urance things are framed, but that goes down to the v/d writers being shit at their jobs, and if you have half a brain you could tell that the same problems would plague k/ance if thats what they had written. a//urance isnt any better or worse than the rest of vo/tron. the whole show is shit and it drags what would have been good pairings down with it. i’m probably forgetting important things in this rant but im so tired. and annoyed. and i wish k/ancers had never created this weird subculture, as much as i enjoy the endless content, because it went to a very weird place. i think 90% of k/ancers ended up being part of it or bought into it just bc mob mentality and s7 was the breaking point. just open your eyes and see what is literally Right There. keep loving or shipping k/ance but stop lying about why

#text post #keke bitches #rant #fair warning: this is long and im annoying #best to just not read it at all #ok to rb if you want to but idk why you would #******* #voltron

[aph-2p-headcanons]

2P!Spain BF Headcanons

(((i dont really know how to write for his character completely yet, but i will try my best pals!)))

oooooooooKAY so ya boi - y'know - y'boi - andres?? andres carriedo???????? - he ur boi righteeee??? - oh litty LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT HIM

HEY WHATS UP U GUYS ITS YA BOI ANDRES HERE and he is ready - is he??? - no,, he isnt,,??? - okay so uh hold up

andres isn't very good with emotions - he's not entirely sure why you're interested in him he typically shuts people out, right, so they can't interfere with his persona he puts on - then you come along - nice mcfucking job you've gone and mucked it all up now havent you?? - damn cute s/o going and making him,, feel, or whatever,,,, ,,,, >:/ youre this perfect person in his eyes, right - he sees you and he's like ffs - "i cant do this,,?? this person is??? so good,," he's a troubled boi. he's all tsundere, im sure he had a bad upbringing, having to compete with his brother and all. he got into alcohol. not good. until you show up - you're treating him like a person - you know, people usually see him and decide not to interact with him after a while - they dont think he's interested in hanging around them - but you stay? you stay and you talk to him, or you sit next to him in comfortable silence - he feels like he needs to fill it - he doesn't - it's fine bb

and you know, you're into him. you eventually start dating because, "well they're already this far in my life, let's see how much it takes to break me lol :,)" - but you don't??? he was probably drunk one night and just started spilling to you you stayed you sat with him the whole time - you were there for him

so naturally you're bound to be together omf

you understand him and vibe with him on another level and it flusters him so well - he doesn't like admitting you make him get this feeling in his stomach - "yeah its not hangover sickness i'll tell you that"   "andres what the fuck"

you get along with his couple of friends?? how do - " they fucking suck how do you like them"   " andres dont say that they're your friends lmao"   " i dont even like them that much"   " you were crying on francois telling him how pretty his ey-"   "n O I WW A SN T"

SO LIKE HE'S SO INTO YOU AND SO BLUSHY ALL THE TIME RIGHT LIKE HE TRIES TO INITIATE PDA BUT THEN HE RETRACTS LIKE ITS COLD OUT AND HE JUST JAMMED HIS JIMMY IN A DOOR - BB U GOTTA START IT SO HE KNOWS ITS OKAY TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR

lmao so he's spanish, spain is known as the country of passion - he tries his best to be romantic bU t w e ll - hes about as romantic as a freezerburnt box of taquitos he's trying

LIKE IMAGINE KISSING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME - HE TRIES TO BE SO COOL BUT HES LIKE BLUSHING SO HARD hhhhhhh don't???? touch his hair???? it makes him sleepy but it's v soft??? - im lying totally touch it

HE DOES TAKE YOU ON REALLY CUTE DATES THOUGH - he actually puts a little too much thought into them but they're always perfect?? he is low key into body worship lemme tell you you have endless praise from this man - it's definitely only in spanish because he's shy with you, so, if you don't speak spanish then,,,,,, ;)) he cracks his knuckles directly in your ear when he comes up behind you - hwo ro m an t ic

he's actually quite the good photographer, Gilen was showing him stuff and he's like "oh lit"

sometimes he'll take "test shots" of you if he's using a camera awhh

he loves ice cream so you should totally take him to get some

YA BOI HAS TATTOOOOOOOOOOOOOS THEY'RE VERY GOOD ;)))))))))

also he is very forgetful, lucky you - read: you get all the clothes he leaves at your house always squinting because - a.) he stays up too late and it's bad for your eyes   b.) he's always tired   c.) ya boi needs spectacles

honestly the amount of times he trips in the span of a minute is s ur prising - blease catch this boi he doesn't know where he is lmao everyone thinks he's mean but you know it's just a facade - he is vvvvvv shy and tries to be gentle toward you but just gets heated and embarrassed if something goes "wrong" - it's v endearing bc he'll blush over things that arent perfect like if he messes up a compliment

he kisses your knuckles a lot - he;;;;; whispers cute things in spanish if you're in a room with other people, probably like running his thumb over your knuckles and hands (more for himself because he has a fear of crowds)

sometimes he'll point out things out of no where and cause you to have a slight existential crisis

he's totally a night owl and if you aren't then YIKES he will make you stay up with universal inquiries - it's pretty astral lmao he's kind of a good cook but - dont trust him - your stove will die

is pretty helpful but will probably do whatever you want wrong lmao - he's trying

likes to give gentle cheek kisses and hand kisses - also stomach ones - and,, thighs ;))))))))))

very hands-on but does it absentmindedly, more of a grounding technique so ya boi andres is tryin - and he all urs ;)))))

#2p spain #andres carriedo #andres carriedo fernandez #aph 2p headcanons #2p headcanons #boyfriend headcanons

[heimonas]

i got so much soul inside my bones

this is a gift for @communistfireworks | read on ao3

words: 2,881

Chapter 1 (/2) - lovesick the beat inside my head

The first thing Ronan noticed about the new kid was how smart he was and frankly that pissed him off. A lot. Because it meant that from now on he had to actually put an effort to maintain his reputation as the scary, mysterious kid who also somehow spoke Latin like it was his mother language. He was a legend. But then this Adam guy shows up and Ronan’s throne starts shaking (his heart too if we want to be honest). But soon, Ronan realized that Adam wasn’t like everyone else in this shitty school.

People on Aglionby walked like they owned the world. They looked at you in the eyes because they wanted you to understand that they are important and you are not. They were the definition of white privilege, their whole existence shouted rich and dangerous, they were the people you are meant to be afraid of. Ronan hated this school and he hated himself for going there and most importantly for looking like them; rich and dangerous.

But Adam wasn’t like that. He lived in the shadows. He didn’t have any friends and he never talked about his life. Adam was a shadow. And because of that, Ronan almost managed to stop thinking about him all day, but the next day, the boy would say something really smart, not in an asshole-y way, but in a way that would make Ronan’s heart explode with awe and fondness.

The second thing Ronan noticed on Adam was his hands. They were calloused and rough. Many times his knuckles were split; proof that although he looked like he was made of sugar and spice and everything nice, he really wasn’t. He could tear you apart if he wanted.

Ronan loved Adam’s hands not only because they looked good, but because they meant something. They were the hands of a fighter, of someone who worked hard. Adam, Ronan concluded again, wasn’t a spoiled brat, like everyone else in this goddamn school, save Noah.

The third thing Ronan noticed about Adam was his anger. That boy was always angry and ready to punch something or someone. Of course he never got into fights inside Aglionby, because that would probably be the end of his scholarship. When people saw Adam they thought he was a shy, kind kid, the type teachers always loved, but Ronan saw the storm raging inside him. He saw it in the way he walked, in the way he moved, in how his jaw and shoulders were always tensed. He saw it in his eyes. But what Ronan couldn’t understand was the why.

Adam was indeed a riddle and Ronan was more than willing to solve it.

 Ronan, Noah and Gansey were having lunch. Gansey was rambling about welsh kings and god knows what else. Ronan started spacing out. Then his phone buzzed. It was a message from Noah. Ronan raised his eyebrow at him and then opened the message.

Noah: youre starring again why don’t you go talk to him

He looked at Noah again and that asshole was smirking. He quickly typed an answer before flipping the bird to the boy and getting the hell out of there.

Ronan: fuck you that’s my business

Noah burst out laughing and Gansey, who was the most oblivious person alive, stopped talking mid-sentence, confused on what had actually just happened. Ronan slammed the cafeteria’s door behind him.

Just as he was getting into his car his phone buzzed again.

Noah: if you wont go talk to him I will

Noah: im tired of your pining shit

 Ronan went straight to Monmouth. He wanted to go to the Barns but then he remembered he forgot to feed Chainsaw before he left in the morning. Not that she couldn't find food on her own, but Ronan had really strong feelings about feeding her. It was their bonding time, as he called it.

He was just outside the main entrance when he heard a loud bang behind him. He turned and shit, there Adam Parrish was in the middle of the road. He had obviously fallen off his bike for some reason. Ronan ran and kneeled down next to him.

"Hey are you okay? What happened?" he asked.

"Isn't it obvious? I fell off my bike?" Adam said.

Adam tried to stand up but he fell down again. Ronan tried to catch him so now they were half hugging and too close for Ronan not to freak out. For a second they just stared at each other's eyes. The sea fighting the sea. Then Adam sighed and looked away.

"I'm fine okay? I'm not hurt or anything." he said.

"Man you're not fine. You probably hit your head or something-"

Then a car stopped next to them. Both turned to see who it was. Shit, Ronan thought because it was a white Mitsubishi. Kavinsky was looking at them and at that moment he really looked like a wolf.

He said, "Hey Lynch, didn't know you hang out with trailer park trash now."

Ronan was suddenly on his feet, fists balled.

"Hey K, fuck off." he said.

"Too protective of your new boyfriend, aren't you? Wait. When did you and Dick broke up?"

Ronan took a step forward, ready to attack, but Adam stopped him by grabbing his hand. Kavinsky looked at their joined hands for a split second, his expression unreadable.

He wore his white sunglasses again and before he drove off he said, “See you around Lynch.”

After that Ronan was literally radiating anger. Adam thought that being next to Ronan when he was that angry felt like seeing a star burn and die. It was beautiful, yes, but it also made you feel this overwhelming sadness. It made your heart ache.

“Hey Ronan,” he said softly “are you alright?”

Ronan sighed. “Yeah I’m alright. He’s just a dickhead.”

Adam looked at him for a second. Ronan felt like his stare would set him on fire. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again he saw Parrish limping towards his bike.

"Hey hey hey," he shouted "I'm not letting you ride this bike when you're limping. What an irresponsible citizen would that make me."

"Ronan. We both know you already are an irresponsible citizen."

"Yea whatever if you have to be somewhere then I'll drive you there but if you don't shut up and come inside with me. I'll give you ice for that thing."

Adam shot him a questioning look, "Inside?"

Ronan pointed at Monmouth and said, “This is where I live.”

 Adam could recognize a lost battle when he saw one. He sighed and followed Ronan inside.

Ronan passed the living room and went straight to the kitchen/bathroom. He opened the fridge, grabbed one of the many ice packs and gave it to Adam. Their hands brushed slightly and Ronan tried not to think about it much. He also grabbed some ice cream and they both went to sit on the couch.

“So why do you have so many ice packs?” Adam asked after a while.

“Because Gansey thinks we need them. Something about me getting into too many fights. Can you even believe this guy?”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot you guys live together. I- I didn’t know you were- like- you know- boyfriends?” Adam said blushing.

Ronan literally choked. “What? No! We’re not? Gansey is the straightest person I’ve ever met! Jesus, Parrish.”

Adam blushed even harder. Of course Kavinsky was lying. But still, something bothered him about what Ronan said. Maybe it was the fact that Gansey didn’t seem that straight to him. I mean have you seen his boat shoes? Or maybe it was the fact that Ronan said Gansey’s not gay not I’m not gay. Adam decided he shouldn’t ask more and continued eating his ice cream.

He started thinking he must have sprained his ankle. Adam really hoped it was nothing, because he had a night shift on Boyd’s today. He also had to hide it from his parents because they’ll probably take his bike away.

”So how did you even fell off your bike?” Ronan asked.

Adam turned pink again. “I got distracted,” he said, because he couldn’t exactly say I was looking at you and I didn't see there was a fucking hole in front of me.

Ronan only hummed.

They continued eating ice cream and staring at each other. Ronan had the distant feeling they were looking at each other's eyes for far too long, but he didn't particularly mind. Oh, how much he loved the deep blue of Adam's eyes.

Then there was a loud bang on the door and both boys jumped as if they were electrocuted. The door opened and Matthew Lynch entered the room with the hugest smile Adam had ever seen.

"Why do you even bother to knock if you're going to just open it yourself one second later?" Ronan asked but he wasn't mad; his voice was soft and you could hear a smile in there.

"Joke's on you I wasn't knocking, I just tripped and fell on the door."

That cracked Adam up. Matthew turned to look at him.

"Hey I'm Matthew! And you are?"

"I'm Adam." he said in between laughs.

Matthew face went blank for a moment and then he smirked, "Ohh you're Adam?"

They both briefly looked at Ronan.

"Yea, have we- met before?"

"No? Sorry I was thinking of another Adam."

Adam shot him a questioning look, " You're not a very good liar, aren't you?" he said.

Matthew only shrugged and turned to Ronan, who had turned slightly pink. "Hey Ro, please tell me you didn't forget today is our pizza day."

Ronan got up and went to shuffle Matthew's hair. "Of course, I didn't forget about it kiddo," he said and then he turned to Adam, "Hey Adam wanna come with us at Nino's for pizza?"

"Yeah actually I have to go to Nino's, because I promised Blue but I can't stay sorry."

"Blue? Isn't that the short waitress? Wait, is she your girlfriend? Oh man can't wait for Gansey to find out."

"What? Blue? No, absolutely not. We're just friends. But what was that about Gansey?" Adam said smirking.

"Nothing. Just forget about it." Ronan said, smiling. "Can you walk?"

"Yes the ice helped thanks."

Matthew smiled again and that made Adam's heart ache. "Let's go then!" he said.

Adam:  im not coming

Blue: Adam come on !!!

Blue: it will be fun and Henry and Noah came in person to invite us

Adam: us ??

Blue: yes they said

Blue: Blue we'd love you to come and please make Adam come too

Adam: Blue.

Adam: look I know your rules

Adam: since when do you hang out with raven boys? why don't you tell what's this really about??

Blue: okay

Blue: well

Blue: Gansey is going to be there too

Adam: ah Blue I get why you want to go but please dont make me come

Adam: first of all I dont have a costume

Blue: yes you do

Blue: I have three cousins in our age and you think I wouldn't find a costume for you? you're going as Spiderman

Adam: what the fuck

Blue: shut up

Adam: and you’re going as ??

Blue: eleven from stranger things

Blue: so that means you’re coming ?

Adam: yes

Blue: YES

Blue: oh and

Blue: I forgot to tell you

Blue: ronan’s gonna be there too

Blue: ;)

Ronan opened his bedroom door and froze. There was something absolutely hideous on his bed. A Halloween costume. Ronan could practically hear the distant echo of drums foreseeing his imminent doom.

"Noah!" he shouted.

Noah, as if he was waiting to hear his name, came out of his room wearing his best smirk.

That. Asshole.

"Yes Ronan," he said "Can I help you with something?"

Ronan was ready to punch him. "I told you I'm not coming to your stupid Halloween party" he snarled.

"But it's not my stupid Halloween party. It's Cheng's too!" Noah said laughing.

"Do I look like I fucking care? What even is this thing?" Ronan said, pointing at the costume.

"It's a vampire costume! I think it suits you. Have you seen how pale you are?"

"Yes, Noah, I know how fucking pale I am."

"Anyway Ronan I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to. But you know, everyone is gonna be there, me, Gansey, Henry, even Blue and Adam." he said and winked.

He. Fucking. Winked.

Ronan looked at him dead in the eye and then he slammed the door to his face. Gansey came out of the kitchen. He was eating yogurt and his eyebrow was raised.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing, everything is under control" Noah said.

"You know, hearing 'everything is under control' from you is really making me think nothing is under control."

The party, as Ronan suspected, was terrible. And his costume was even worst. The fake teeth he was wearing made it hard for him to drink and Ronan didn't actually believe he could survive the night without getting wasted.

Somewhere between the third and fourth drink Kavinsky came and sat next to him. Ronan gave him his best angry glare.

"So where's your new boyfriend? Trouble in heaven?" Kavinsky said.

Ronan didn't answer. Not only because he didn't exactly know what to say, but also because if he opened his mouth he'd probably puke all over K. Now he was thinking about it, it wasn't a bad option really.

"What, now you're not talking to me? Did I hurt your feelings?" Kavinsky continued.

Ronan told him to fuck off. He got up and started heading outside. He slammed the door behind him.

Ronan then noticed there was someone else there, sitting on the pavement, a few feet away from the door. A Spiderman?

"Hey" the Spiderman said, taking off his mask.

It was Adam. In tights. His hair messier than ever, because of the mask. Ronan's heart skipped a beat. He went and sat down next to him. Maybe a little too close, but Adam didn't move away.

"Hey" he said.

Adam looked at him. At how his jaw was tense, his fists balled.

"So, what happened?" he asked.

Ronan sighed. "Kavinsky."

"Okaay, what's the deal with you two anyway? Are you friends or arch enemies?"

Ronan chuckled, "No, we're not friends. I don't know man, he is just obsessed with me. He hates me."

"Well, here's the thing, I don't believe he hates you." Adam said.

"Oh yeah? And why is he torturing me then?"

"I- I think- he's-um- hitting on you?"

Ronan flinched, "What? No! No way. What?"

Adam laughed a little, "Are you so freaked out right now because it is Kavinsky or because he is-like- a boy?"

"Obviously because it is Kavinsky," Ronan sighed and bit his lower lip, "Seriously Adam, I don't understand people that look at me and actually think I'm straight." he said slowly.

"You're not?" Adam said, his eyes wide.

"No I'm not. Don't look at me like that!" he said, blushing.

Adam turned slightly pink too, "Yeah that makes two of us I guess."

 Ronan turned to look at the other boy, but he didn't know what to say. Frankly, he just wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. But instead he said, "So, do you have a boyfriend?"

Adam laughed, "Nah, I don't. Although I think Tad Carruthers would really much like to be my boyfriend."

Ronan laughed too, "Tad? You fucking kidding me? Did you see him today? He was dressed as a fucking zombie. It was terrible."

"Yeah," Adam said, "Besides I prefer vampire boys." he said and blushed even harder.

Ronan felt like the universe tilted and approximately five tons were lifted off his chest. Adam was looking at him, his eyes filled with uncertainty.

He cupped Adam's face and leaned in.

Their first kiss was quick, but Ronan felt like something erupted inside of him and the universe fell back into place.

Adam leaned in again. They kissed and kissed and only stopped to breath. Blue, green and red lights were dancing all around them. Ronan could only think of one word; beautiful.

Chapter 2 - and i got love falling like the rain

The first thing Adam noticed on Ronan that morning was how the freckles on his shoulders blend in with the sharp lines of his tattoo. They looked like tiny stars being sucked by a black hole. He was mesmerized by it. Adam, not for the first time, wondered how is it even possible for a person to be so beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

The second thing he noticed was Ronan's smile. He had only seen it once before, that day with Matthew. Back then, he was surprised by how true of a smile it was. Now, he was surprised by how it made his heart dance.

The third thing Adam noticed was Ronan's eyes. They looked even more magical from this close. It wasn't exactly ocean's blue nor sky's blue. It was something else entirely. It was Ronan's.

The boy sleeping next to him was made of light and magic and Adam loved it with every fibre of his being. Maybe for the first time in his life, he was happy.

#hello kk im your secret santa #i hope you like it #pynch #pynch secret santa 2017 #angst #fluff #swearing #getting together #fanfiction #ao3

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Heyo boo Ali: thanks for Rocky wrangling with me today, you're now also his fave so, add that to your tally Carly: its k i had fun Carly: hes a cutie & cool kid Ali: me too Ali: yeah, he's alright, but cocky enough so I ain't telling him Ali: dunno where he gets that from 😏 Carly: ha Carly: yea idk Carly: no clue Ali: i'm sorry Ro was being off btw, I'm working out why but trust it wasn't you, babe Ali: been neglecting her lately, everyone wants a piece of me Ali: hard life Carly: idc its me too Carly: nobody wants a piece but you Ali: I just told you that ain't true, and Rocky is ruthless, he called one of my customers a 'big bum witch' the other day Ali: no tip for me, thanks dickhead Ali: but I want all of you regardless Ali: willing to throw hands Carly: aw Carly: this town is full of big bum witches tho Carly: my ma back for one Carly: but are you willing to use those hands for good too or Ali: awks if that was your Ma, like hey gurl, I think you rock it Ali: your daughter ain't bad either Ali: you know it, IOU 'cos we couldn't make like we were in the backrow of the cinema Carly: unless she been lying about where she at i think youve avoided meeting the in laws again Carly: k cuz you kno i need to collect soon Carly: bored Carly: just back and zoned out so fast Ali: ain't even got exciting stories from their galavanting? fucking rude Ali: at least when we go AWOL we also go wild Ali: make things happen, lads Carly: my ma's good for nothing but hairspray and peroxide Carly: only use if i get beat up again Carly: my da's good for cash tho if you wanna get wild w me Ali: or you wanna single white female me Ali: which would be a disappointing outcome to say the least Ali: can't tonight babe, I've gotta have some sister time Ali: go hard for both of us Carly: k Carly: try not to miss me bad when shes talking about me Ali: oh babe, she will not, and if she does I'll set her straight Ali: gonna let the world know you're my 😇 Carly: whatever her issue shes gotta air it and youre her sister so you gotta hear it Carly: idc shes not gonna hurt me w it Carly: and setting peeps straight is the opposite of how you do, babe Ali: true Ali: idk what issue she could have though, you're a literal ray of sunshine Ali: true again 😏 Ali: ugh, imma miss you Ali: maybe i can sneak out when she's gone to bed, the 'rents too Carly: i miss you now Carly: cant hear my parents say shit Carly: i just wanna talk to you Carly: dont tell me maybe & keep me waiting tho Ali: i will Ali: promise Carly: i dont wanna make trouble for you Carly: w anyone Carly: you can stay w her if you need to stay Ali: You won't Ali: I can do both Ali: be back before first light Ali: even if I'll miss watching the sun rise on your face 😔 Ali: we've got the night, baby Carly: but you kno if ive got you for the whole night youre gonna fall asleep Carly: thats what im good at Carly: feel free to tell your sister thats why you like me ha Carly: fun & tiring its magic Ali: hmm, we'll see who wears who out first, babe Ali: and if I am that husband, then you'll just have to wake me up with morning sex like the good little wifey you are 😘😂 Carly: always bringing that confidence i like it Carly: k but if my parents wake up too you can explain its a duty thing yea i had to like Ali: i like you Ali: for so many reasons and imma show you all of 'em tonight Ali: fuck that Ali: stay out with me, its warm enough Ali: i'll trace all the constellations out with my tongue so you won't ever forget Ali: educational Carly: my ma is asking me what im blushing about Carly: i told her what you said but she's not a believer Carly: support my education bitch Carly: ha Ali: i mean, i'd offer to let her see the benefits for herself but Ali: not gonna win me any brownie points 'cos she won't take me up on it Carly: she dont kno what she's missing but i do Carly: wish you were here Ali: me too Ali: start the party without me babe, i don't mind Carly: too late if you do Carly: gotta get through this reunion some way Ali: they aren't making you watch a slideshow, are they? Ali: fate worse than death Ali: Maybe you could go to Ronan's? Lmao, he's been up in my pussy way too much since he found out about us...didn't think we were THAT loud but ok boy Carly: yea Carly: might do cuz same Carly: but what if i miss you he can really make a night of it when he wants Ali: Nah, I won't let you face that disappointment, babe Ali: my spidey senses will tingle like not on my watch, fuckboy Carly: aw Carly: you gonna come get me? Carly: thats no way to get him out your pussy babe fyi Ali: yeah Ali: I know but I like the idea of showing you off as mine Ali: but no sharing, he only gets to watch and be mad he fucked it up Carly: i like it too Carly: youre hot when youre oneupping fuckboys Carly: i thought i knew how to do it best but k youre flipping the script Ali: as long as i'm besting them i'm doing my job right Ali: gotta keep you on-board Carly: speak of the devil Carly: how he know i was alone & horny Carly: my parents have only gone to the shops its uncanny Ali: know your neighbours but bit stalkerish, pal Ali: i'll text him to fuck off, freak him out Ali: how does she know, ha, two can play this game fucko and I'm more committed Carly: ha Carly: you gotta Carly: hes smoking im gonna bum one see what line he tries to lay on before the text sends Ali: On it Ali: gotta let him know there's a queue to court the princess now and he's at the back, soz Carly: he likes hitting it from the back he wont be put off Carly: im gonna show him some of the hot pics i took of you tho Ali: when is he ever tbf? 🐶👅💦 Carly: true Carly: that fucking cute tho aren't i Ali: you know it babe Carly: hes talking to my da now Carly: kill me Ali: how fucking dare he Ali: knowing he has the upper hand with the man bants Ali: i know how to change a tire too! love me! Carly: if my ma invites him in for tea im out of here Carly: she will think hes hot under the collar for her & bitch thats my groundwork Ali: Run baby run Ali: what kinda moron is he tho Ali: coulda had a private show if you just waited, now its all saturday night telly and flat lager Carly: you kno i have nowhere to go if you dont want me babe Carly: facts Carly: he likes me now he cant have me what a fucking Carly: like i wouldve fucked you but im not getting w you Ali: i do, is this full sos crisis mode though? 'cos i need to be good for a lil while longer yet Ali: such a typical bloke move that Ali: bet he ain't the only boy in ur inbox, not a pun Ali: 'cos he ain't in mine like 🙄 Carly: its k your sister needs you Carly: i can keep walking Carly: loads of other lads on site as well as in my inbox Carly: & they arent trying to say hi to me before we get down to it nevermind my parents Ali: 😾 Carly: why so sad blue eyed boo Ali: i don't like how lads treat you Ali: i'm not jealous, like swear to god, even though i obviously want you all to myself, i get it Ali: but i'm not about how shit they are to you, even if you don't care, they should care to be decent humans Carly: thats not lads its everyone Carly: youre the only one treating me different Carly: they dont know how else to be Carly: made my bed babe Ali: nah Ali: you don't deserve half the shit you get, that's bullshit Ali: and even the rest, people just don't wanna try to understand or be good, heaven forfend they inconvineince themselves for one second, like Carly: if im a slag im a slag i dont get to put conditions on it Carly: if it was a film maybe Carly: but theres no romance coming my way from theres and i dont want it Ali: why can't you just be you? someone who likes fucking, among other things Ali: not romance just like...not being a cunt Ali: idk Ali: pisses me off Carly: cuz you don't run the world even tho you strut it like you do and i love it Ali: not yet, babe Ali: one day, and you can be my right hand woman Carly: yea? Carly: take me w you & ill take you to all your fave places k Ali: k Ali: we'll be fun forever, I promise you Carly: gotta be Ali: you know i like you even when you ain't tho Ali: don't tell Carly: who would i Carly: ronans got enough for his wank bank & nobody else is chatting to me rn Ali: exactly, ruins the illusion and fantasy when they realise i care about you Ali: so unsexy of me Carly: youre sexy to me Carly: idc what they think Ali: good Ali: me either Carly: i like you too you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i had my suspicions Carly: i dont have any subtlety sorry about it Ali: Don't be Ali: I love it Ali: not enough people say what they mean or want, ever Carly: waste Carly: k i wasnt shouting how bad i wanted to kiss you before i did but not cuz i was bothered about me Ali: agreed Ali: sometimes you can't know you want something until you've got it Ali: i get it Carly: you get me Carly: its weird Ali: 🔮 Carly: ha Carly: k what am i thinking now Ali: wouldn't be proper to say Ali: tut tut bad girl Ali: like how you think though Carly: fuck Carly: youre good Ali: 🤷 don't mean to brag but remember that phrase you'll be screaming it later Ali: such a Ronan line, I can't 😂 Carly: but true Carly: not like when he says it Ali: 😍 Carly: what you doing w your sister Carly: gotta live through that cuz bored Ali: Fixing my weave Ali: getting into a white girl dread territory over here Ali: then gonna do some 🔮 forreal Ali: get ready for me to be even more of a know it all baby Carly: cute Carly: tell me my future i got some shit from another neighbor & im waiting for it to kick Carly: hows it gonna treat me Carly: needing a good trip Ali: we'll see who gets the answer first Ali: you got anything for me? Carly: yea Carly: they mystery but i kno you arent scared Carly: & you got me doing a test run rn lying on here on the grass Ali: 🌌 be there before it fades away my space explorer Carly: if you find me at a bad end prob dont take it Ali: is one of the lads trip sitting you Carly: so he reckons but hes drinking so theres no trust Carly: & he gave me it Carly: his game could be me lights out idk Ali: keep texting me, okay babe? Ali: if shit gets too real, tell me and I'll come early Ali: my sis is cool now, she gets what we're doing, she was just confused Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Carly: you told her you like me Ali: 'course I did Ali: I ain't ashamed Ali: I'm proud Carly: youre gonna make me cry Ali: You're special, Carly Ali: You're gonna see Carly: I just wanna see you tho Ali: Me too Ali: I'm gonna make her some chamomile tea and then I'm coming, yeah? Carly: but thats not fair to her Carly: she's not gonna be a fan of me Ali: I've promised her more time tomorrow Ali: You need me rn Carly: but what if i want you to stay Carly: what are we gonna do then Ali: i'll stay until you're ready for me to go Carly: you mean that? Ali: yes Ali: promise, imma take care of you Carly: but theres nothing in it for you Carly: youve already got me you dont have to Ali: i wanna keep you Ali: and not just selfishly Ali: you gotta stick around, you're too cool to go anywhere, okay Carly: k Carly: im here & if you wanna be im not stopping you Ali: good Ali: i wanna be wherever you are Carly: i kept you pills back the lads didnt want me to but idc about them & you can follow me in now Ali: fuck them Ali: just me and you Carly: yea Carly: ill look after you too Ali: 😇 Ali: i know, i trust you Carly: idk if you should Carly: but i like it Ali: willing to take my chances Ali: you're worth it Carly: thats you Ali: i'm so glad i met you Carly: me too Carly: not that i met me thats weird Carly: you know what i mean Ali: i got you Ali: not high yet 😉 Carly: id seen you around before you guardian angel'd me that night Carly: thats weird too Carly: that i didnt see you how i do now Ali: it is Ali: you were always cute but Ali: idk, i can't claim to have seen this in my crystal ball Carly: thats cuz i wasnt cute i was a state Carly: & youd have more likely seen me sucking ronans dick Carly: look away babe you dont need to have that image in your mind Ali: don't need him reckoning he plays part in any of my fantasies, nah Ali: you can't not be cute, no matter how you try, soz babe Carly: you can't not be so sweet to me can you Ali: dunno Ali: not tried Carly: idk what id do if you did Carly: i got used to it Ali: got no plans to stop Ali: unless you ask me to, like Carly: thats not gonna be what i ask you to do Carly: trust me Ali: you can tell me all about it Ali: 5 minutes, tops Carly: okay

[survivor-themyscira-blog]

ok so first of all i am sorry for not participating in the challenge !! i had fall break vaca and was super busy but anyways ~ hi im loving this cast so far and i am so glad that i get to play with some new faces! & also some old ones too. im just going to do a brief cast assessment rn so i can record my thoughts on everyone initially:

emily - i love her so much! she is super sweet and i think she is going to be super invested and great at this game which means she could be a potentially strong ally for me moving forward! we have chatted a lot and i really like her andreas - literally havent spoken a word to him yet so we will see .... ian - pharmaCY KING! i was able to bond with him a lot and i think that we have the potential to have a very good dynamic, but it needs to grow organically jordan pines - i have played a few games with him before and he is such an amazing ally as long as he thinks he can beat you in the end. with him i always try to play dumb and act like im bobo the fool [even tho like 50% of the time i actually am bobo the fool so it isnt a full on act] and let him think that he controls my votes so im hoping that works in my favor again lily - no comment honestly i don't care for her and would love to vote her out but idk if i am going to get a wise opportunity for that madeline - she seems super sweet and also she has a really strong personality which i like but we haven't been good about replying to eachother so far so we will see what happens moving forward, id really like to work w her and get to know her better kai - i literally love kai he is so sweet and kind and perfect and i hope we finally get the chance to work together in this game bc we have tried and failed so many times in a row so fingers crossed! rhone - rhone is so fun! i have wanted to play a game w them for the longest time bc they are so iconic and smart strategically. i have hosted and played with them before so i think i have a good insight as to how they play the game. i'd love to work with rhone moving forward toph - toph,,,,ok so coming into this game i was nervous about toph because he is such a crackedt and forward player from past experiences but in my last game i was kind of mean to him so i genuinely apologized to him bc i do feel bad bc im p sure he is much younger than me and honestly i was a little shit when i was his age so if he does decide to forgive me id love to work something out with him the bottom line is that i am down for anything with this game. i always make it my thing to work with people i have never worked with before so hopefully that can happen woo! also i feel like now im an easy vote off since i didnt participate in the challenge so hopefully i can work that to my advantage and make people think im a person who is just a number and a sheep for now. until next time!

I'm SO ready for a tribe swap.  I like my tribe mates but I'm just wondering how hard they are going to try to go in the future ughhhh

CHARLOTTE IS A MEANIE SHE PRETENDS TO LIKE ME BUT THEN SHE DOESNT GIVE ME AN ADVANTAGE AND LAUGHS AT ME

Alrighty! Im way to tired ro film anything and im watching the office so whoops not my problem! Im just kidding lol! So right now as per usual i feel like my game is going to be extremely paranoid which I learned to from my queen Emily in azore I SEE YOU QUEEN. The last time me and her played together i was way to ott and now im more calm and reserved. I feel paranoid right now as to what the hell this dang twist could be!! And i feel like im at the bottom of the totem pool here on this tribe. I’ve been chatting with everyone which is good but jordan pines scares me so much and i know we have to keep him for awhile, I really don’t know how to feel about other people right now. I like nicholas and i can actually talk to him now since ff but i think if ruthie from there tribe survivers and me and emily survive we could be a killer squad. I think jordan pines is the most scariest things on this tribe every because he is so intense and in your face if  you like it or not and its scary. I feel like there already are alliances formed and im scared as fuck by that. Im just going to keep my foot tapping and praying to the jesus that there are no majority alliances former already. Jordan pines can lead an army and that scares me so if I don’t get close with him im screwed man! Rhone dosnt really respond to me so I kinda feel like he might not like me. Lily seems cool and i really Like madelin but Tophily is here to play and float a bloody way to the end lol! Lying isn’t a strong suit of mine so im going to not lie unless im talking to the person going home. I glad we won immunity because I won’t be going anywhere and not be a first boot. My goal Right now is jury but i have to go one day at a a time and take It SLOWWW! Lol!! With this immunity challenge no one can do it so i think i will have to and im okay with that but if we lose and they start blaming me for losing im sorry I actually don’t have a life to live while you guys do! So im just gonna bite my tongue because i have a shit ton of liquids in my fridge which is a plus for us lol!! My family of 6 is now a blessing? Like what the heck!! So there's my thoughts for today and the past day. Im just going to relax watch the office and wait for my Prince Charming to come out! Lol! Whatever happens in this game. Oh fuck wait! i have some tea to spill and you will be quaking in your loafers! So i was doing the puzzle for the idol ajd Someone already found it! I was shook! And Emily is now getting an advantage while ill be snuggled up like a bug in log that’s being tugged on by a slug! That made no sense LOL! Okay now i think all my thoughts are out for now but who knows ill be screaming in my head about not saying something soon lol! And with that and my future boyfriend goodnight and farwell!

https://m.popkey.co/8a68bf/Ao9Xg_s-200x150.gif It's probably a good thing that I have the super idol. Literally no one is talking to me. I'm a little annoyed because I've done pretty much nothing wrong, except not submit for the challenge?? I guess Jack's influence that not doing a challenge is pretty strong over this tribe. Hm. Although I have this idol, there's no guarantee that I'll ever have to use it, and honestly if I go to tribal it's probably best for me that it doesn't become a priority to play it. I really don't want to play it if I don't have to, because the tribe could easily just vote me out the next chance they get. I also told Raymond about the "regular" idol hunt I did today, where he could jump off the cliff and get a number or whatever it was that I did exactly, and he was like "LETS GO ON CALL" but like... I was playing Roblox so Skype 10/10 wasn't gonna let me do a call properly. So I was like... sorry bud but just go search anyways! And he never messaged me back, so I have no clue whether he did or not. Right now, I trust Raymond a lot. I don't know how I feel about Madison or Dan. Amanda is a nice woman, I really wish I had a better relationship with her though. I don't trust Logan (and I know Logan doesn't trust me) and I don't like Jack all that much, unfortunately. I figure that someone is gonna go after me -- potentially Logan. Logan and I have a history of playing games together and while I never once wronged him (at least not by my knowledge?!) he doesn't ever want to trust me in games. There's literally no point in even bothering playing with him because he doesn't like playing with me all that much. But I know Logan would be united against players that I don't get along with, like Nicholas and Jordan Pines. Those two would be my most desired boots from the other tribe just because there's no chance I'd ever align with or trust either of them, plus Jordan has made the end of this series so many damn times already and it's maddening. My personal goal this season is to make it to 9th place. I got 11th last time but I want to break into single digits, a very rare occurrence for me. Like obviously I'm winning this season, but I wanna set some small goals just to make the journey to finals a little less treacherous. Anywho, I think this confessional is long and boring enough. I'm gonna go talk to Jack and see if anything happens. Maybe I can try to understand him a little better, lol

Sorry I've been a bit quiet so far uni took over but it's the weekend and I can catch up. The tribe seem ok, really quiet though not really what I am used to. I found the challenge hard as I didn't really have any time and there was like nothing DC around, guess the UK is a marvel fan! I'm shocked that JG had to go, I love him to bits and was looking forward to working with him but he has his reasons. Hopefully the next challenge will be better for us

Heyyyy sunshines~~~ Just a quick one. I still don't know a bunch of people on my tribe, but I got to chat a bit with Madeline and Tosh. Life is good. I'm pretty sure that somebody already found an idol inside a library book, but I can't tell who it was so whatever :) I can't participate in the next challenge sadly, but that's life. I am taking the social game a lot slower this time around and I feel much better as well now. There's no need to try too hard. I am a bit concerned that I am in touch with too few people, but we shall see about that. JG got eliminated, which makes me sad. Not much to talk about rn. Cya soon!

This game has been pretty exciting so far! It hasn't been like most survivor games where I'm in a rush to talk with everyone in case they decide to murder me in cold blood, so that's nice. I still feel like I'm going to get murdered in cold blood, but it's whatever. My tribe is pretty nice so far, though I'm not the biggest Toph fan and Nicholas seems to be nonexistent. Everything's great otherwise, though. My one idol search had me getting caught by the guards, and I'm honestly not too eager to go out and search again. It'd arouse too much suspicion towards me.

I hate you Charlotte for what you made me do. Not drink those drinks, but that was my last snack pack! You owe me pudding. My fellow competitors Madeline and Toph have earned so much of my respect for doing that challenge too!

If someone has already submitted this then just ignore me It’s the anti-antilopes vs the lit hippos

ALL I KNOW IF MY ASS BETTER NOT GET VOTES OUT AFTER DRINKING THAT VILE ASS CONCOCTION YALL HAD ME DRINK LIKE IM GOING TO BE BURPING A1 SAUCE ALL GOD DAMN WEEK. But like low key jack tho really 1:32......? You lucky I like you bro

Okay, real confession. I think Billy might come for me, but he won't if he's smart. I'm good at contributing to challenges in the tribal phase. Don't fucking touch me. That being said, I don't want billy out. I think Jaiden should go. He won't be helpful, he's not social, I'm not into it. I love him, I do, but as long as he's here, we might as well keep losing. The other option is Amanda. While she's sweet, she's never online, which is understandable, you know? She has kids, she has uni, etc, but that's... not valuable to me at this point in the game. I need to win, I need to escape this tribe alive, I need to not be seeing the VL again ANYTIME soon.

I LOVE THE HIPPOS!!!!!! HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS

Okay so here’s the deal, I like everyone on our tribe. I guess. Billy can be annoying but he’s going through a lot so I can’t ask people to vote him out. Idfk, all I know is these basic hoes couldn’t win this damn challenge? Worse has been in my mouth than honey, bbq sauce, and water and I wasn’t complaining!!!!

I’m Logan talking in the tribe chat but flat out ignoring my messages. Yeah, I think I might get votes tomorrow, but the only way it’ll come out is if myself or Billy receive the majority. The reason why I’d play it on Billy is simply because I feel like I can trust the guy, and not to mention he also has been preoccupied with a freaking funeral, like... what heartless monster votes him out after that? Hopefully I DON’T have to play it, but I’m ready and willing to play it if I have to.

thanks JAIDEN for saying you didn't know I was in this game why would you do that. You make me look either inactive or like I'm stuck up or something UGHHHHSDFJSLDF

Jadien

can i just...idol abbey out of this CHAT?

We Hippos won immunity, Yay. It's good because I haven't quite found my footing in this tribe, I didn't want to compete but everyone was asking to not compete so I might as well step up and do it, I'm not one to shy away from a good challenge, especially when people are, should give me staying power right? At least I did it. I digress, A swap is coming in the next round or two, I can feel it. I need to continue to play as my sweet friendly self, cause deep down I am that guy. My main worry is that when the swap happens I might get targeted buy members of that damn Antelope tribe. My plan to remain consistent but not over the top in challenges might have gotten a little hindered by this on since I did compete. Raymond needs to be premerge booted, the guy killed it in this challenge and we don't need a comp beast going forward. I'll cross my finger he gets got soon. As for life on the Hippo Tribe, I have still kept my clue to the idol secret, if I happen to find it then I might share the clue with someone. If I find it, I sooo want to idol out the person I shared the clue with, this hero archetype player can be a villain given the opportunity. Madeline is cool, she's nice, but she is a talker. Talkers make me hungry, I think my game can benefit by keeping her close and dropping her when I need to. Rhone is cool, started talking to me about sports but I'd vote him out. Nicholas is probably on the menu for our first boot at tribal cause he's MIA at the moment but I want to keep us immune until I have a chance to work with him. Toph, I could take or leave, same with Emily. They don't impress me much. Kai and Andreas, I love ya dudes but you do seem like sheep for the slaughter this game, Andreas less so. JORDAN PINES PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1. I am curious to see how far this snake can go or if I'm a mounted trophy on his wall or if I can mount him on my wall.

https://youtu.be/NxdOnwnLLeE

OHHHHHH FUCK ME SIDEWISE, I accidentally sent the real clue to Madeline instead of the fake one I had written up.

Oh god I'm making meninist moves and a meninist alliance. The VL is going to hate me

Okay this is a proper quiet tribe you've got here, so not used to this! So I am going to have to do what I didn't want to do and take control of tonights vote... wish me luck.

Amanda about to get her ass beat by this vote. I'm a rat, I'm a snake, I'm a roach. But her ass is grass WHEW. I just don't want Jaiden to go because I actually talk to him. This is MENINISM, but *SHRUGS this is TRUMP'S AMERICA

Okay Amanda got to go tho, this hoe is messaging me saying all this shit about how Jaiden isn't going home because of some advantage he has. Bitch you're the one going home so I'm confused. I'm just gonna sit here with Cheetoh dust on my fingers and watch this all go down. I mean I could for sure go home, which would be so fucking funny, but like I'm just gonna be #Confident, thanks Demi Lovato

OKAY I KNOW THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD ONE IN 15 MINUTES BUT AMANDA IS ON TO ME, AND NOW I'M SHOOK. I talked to way too many people about this plan and I think it's backfiring lol Oh well, I think she'll be going tonight regardless, if not it's been real lmao

So my name has come up, but I also have a little trick up my sleeve called the Themyscira Oasis! Basically, I’m telling Amanda that I’m going to be playing my Oasis on myself tonight in order to avoid being voted out. Then she spills literally all the insight behind alliances, inner workings of multiple relationships, and so on, just so she can blow her game up on her way out the door. However, I don’t WANT Amanda to go home. In fact, I’d rather blow up my own game in order to ensure that someone in my corner stays in the game. Amanda is actually trying to save me, regardless of if I use the oasis or not tonight. I’m telling her that I’m using it no matter what, when in actuality I don’t have it to begin with. My target right now is actually slowly shifting from Logan to Dan, because I just don’t have a whole ton of trust with him just yet. I’d rather keep the devil I know (Logan) around because I can always prepare for what he’s gonna do next. I can’t predict anything with Dan because I’ve never met him before. As Amanda pointed out, Dan herself and Ruthie are clearly working together because they had a “group think” moment where they came up with my name as the vote to go home. She didn’t say specifically who brought my name up, but that it was a process of elimination which makes sense imo. Anyways I was mid-way writing everything and Logan and Dan called me stupid and crazy, and that’s the story of how I told Amanda they were gunning for her. So now I’m going to blow everything up, publicly, because I have nothing left to lose. I said I wasn’t gonna be a mess this season but I’m back into my old habits, I suppose 🤷🏼‍♂️ Sound the alarm, Hurricane Jaiden has made landfall!

me after that blow up made absolutely no sense but I’m still working it https://78.media.tumblr.com/5d766478fb350acbddd66160284749ba/tumblr_o7887f1gRR1sdmszbo1_400.gif

Apparently Logan thinks he's in danger? And so does Jaiden? But everyone's voting Amanda? God I hate premerge.

today has been so wild all I know is that this ENTIRE TRIBE is full of snakes and I have to watch what I tell ANYONE cause it will get back to the other people.  Amanda told Jaiden that Dan and I said his name but UMM, she gave us TWO OPTIONS. but now things I'm telling Jaiden are getting back to LOGAN and Dan is going around telling Billy everything I say and this is just wild these people are crazy and no one knows how to keep their freaking mouth SHUT! I want to find a ride or die I can tell anything too but that can't happen if they're going to keep comparing notes.

So I trusted Jaiden and voted Dan. Is that a bad thing? Probably not considering I heard he was throwing my name out there. I'm kind of glad he's gone, he always does well and then never wants to work with me. So bye :* time to get serious, I need to prove to everyone I'm here to play this time.

https://youtu.be/Slv3EzWZjuU

NOW THAT'S A FUCKIN' TRIBAL! Super good for my game, even though I would've kind of liked to work with Dan, because Amanda still remains a major target, and now Jaiden has made himself a much bigger target. Combine that with me getting closer to Raymond and Logan because of this? A big win in my book.

"Actually, wait... I am gonna play my super idol on Amanda" https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SnarlingDarkLarva-max-1mb.gif Oops, sorry Dan

WHAT THE FUCK, JAIDEN?  WHAT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT. I keep telling him 'ooooh hehe it's fine, it's fine' but like WHAT now Amanda is going to hate me, and just ugh I hope the announcement is a tribe swap get me away from these people they talk about what each other say too much. I can see why he wanted to use it but WHY DAN?

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

Jaiden has thrown that shade stick out and I'm very cautious about him now. Tho he tells me that it wasn't an attack to me or anything but like...if we're close why wouldn't you tell me what you're going to do. Low key just bummed out. That bastard.

---

THIS WAS ALSO THE ROUND THE HOSTS STARTED DOING ROUND TABLES TO TALK ABOUT THE GAME. HERE IS EPISODE ONE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP0-OZFvxfc

#whatidoisnotuptoyou #athena11 #episodes

[samanthasroberts]

Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy

Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.

Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.

We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.

JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her

JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.

Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.

Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?

Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.

Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.

Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.

Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.

Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on

These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.

Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!

Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.

Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?

Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.

Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.

Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.

Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.

Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.

Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!

Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.

Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?

Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.

Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.

Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.

Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.

We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.

Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.

Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.

Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.

Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.

Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.

IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.

Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.

Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.

Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?

Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.

This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.

Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.

Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.

YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!

Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.

Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??

Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*

Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.

Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?

Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.

Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.

Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him

Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.

The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like

Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)

Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.

Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.

Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.

Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.

One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.

JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,

Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.

Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight

Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.

Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.

Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.

Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.

They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.

Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.

Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.

Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.

AKA how I feel watching this show.

Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:

Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.

Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.

JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.

Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.

Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!

Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.

Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.

Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/

[adambstingus]

Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy

Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.

Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.

We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.

JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her

JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.

Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.

Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?

Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.

Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.

Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.

Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.

Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on

These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.

Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!

Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.

Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?

Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.

Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.

Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.

Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.

Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.

Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!

Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.

Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?

Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.

Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.

Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.

Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.

We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.

Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.

Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.

Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.

Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.

Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.

IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.

Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.

Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.

Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?

Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.

This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.

Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.

Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.

YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!

Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.

Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??

Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*

Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.

Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?

Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.

Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.

Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him

Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.

The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like

Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)

Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.

Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.

Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.

Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.

One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.

JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,

Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.

Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight

Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.

Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.

Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.

Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.

They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.

Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.

Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.

Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.

AKA how I feel watching this show.

Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:

Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.

Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.

JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.

Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.

Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!

Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.

Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.

Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161120493767

[allofbeercom]

Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy

Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.

Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.

We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.

JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her

JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.

Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.

Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?

Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.

Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.

Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.

Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.

Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on

These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.

Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!

Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.

Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?

Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.

Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.

Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.

Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.

Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.

Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!

Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.

Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?

Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.

Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.

Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.

Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.

We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.

Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.

Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.

Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.

Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.

Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.

IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.

Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.

Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.

Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?

Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.

This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.

Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.

Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.

YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!

Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.

Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??

Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*

Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.

Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?

Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.

Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.

Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him

Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.

The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like

Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)

Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.

Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.

Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.

Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.

One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.

JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,

Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.

Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight

Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.

Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.

Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.

Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.

They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.

Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.

Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.

Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.

AKA how I feel watching this show.

Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:

Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.

Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.

JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.

Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.

Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!

Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.

Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.

Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/