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sparring-spirals · 14 days

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Still emotional about Fy'ra Rai and Opal, actually. Thought dump time bc i. dont have the energy to cut this down effectively.

Because at that point in the episode, Opal is doomed. Not in the fun little "oh things are getting worse ;)" kind of way we'd been experiencing leading up to the fight, or even IN the fight. At that point in the fight, Cyrus is dead. Dorian and Dariax have their minds twisted, bodies clambering away from the fight. Morrighan has felt, firsthand, just how far gone Opal is, holes in her mind, her friend broken. The heartbreaking sentence of. "You can always come back." understands that she is gone already. She's lost already. Opal has forgotten Ted. Opal has forgotten herself.

So at that point in the fight, we know Opal is doomed. Us as the audience, the cast, the characters. Aabria is running through each of the other crownkeepers and it is more of a goodbye than a round of combat. Defying the Spider Queen invites death, with zero hesitation- Cyrus's body as physical evidence of that. The terms were very clearly set: You leave Opal, you let her be lost. Or you die. (Leaving Opal anyway).

and Fy'ra Rai then. Grasps the crown, understands intimately that she can break it off and it will kill Opal. (I will free you, if you want me to. We would lose you but you would not be taken). And asks, what do you want me to do. What do you want.

and Opal says, I want you to leave. (I want you to live.) and Fy'ra Rai functionally says. No. Sorry. That's not one of the options.

If you wanted to go. I will do that (your blood on my hands). If you want me to stay, I will. But I'm not going to leave you.

There was the point where Fy'ra Rai broke into the communication and I felt my insides sink because. Look. Lets be real, Aabria had already demonstrated the stakes here. The gesture would not be rewarded for the gesture alone. The Spider Queen's terms were: You leave Opal. Or you die.

And Fy'ra Rai said: no.

I don't think I'm overstepping to assume that if Fy'ra Rai had failed the intimidation check, she would have died. This entire thing hits me so hard because I think Anjali knew that too. I think Fy'ra Rai knew that too. Yes, Fy'ra Rai convinced a Betrayer God to negotiate. She carved a third option out of a non-negotiable situation. She knew what would happen if she failed and did it anyway, with no fear, no regret, no waver in her resolve. She had lost enough sisters. She wasn't going to lose anymore, no matter the personal cost. That's part of why it succeeded, I'm sure, but.

Just. Fuck me. The amount of resolve. The amount of love. The amount of conviction. "I am. A protector." You know your friend- your sister- is doomed. So no more negotiating away from that. You step to her side and you grasp her hand and say- doom me with her.

And in some, sideways way, this saves you both, at least for a little while.

Because this story is a tragedy. This ending is a sad one. We know this already. But think about- Opal, under Lolth's bidding, alone in the dark. Think about Fy'ra Rai, alive, intimately aware that she had failed to protect yet another sister.

And think about what we got, instead: the two of them, in deep darkness, danger encroaching- holding hands. Someone they love at their side. A champion. And her champion.

This is still a sad story. But it's not the same one. Fy'ra Rai stared down a Betrayer God and made her change her mind. She stared down a Betrayer God, and her love and conviction changed the nature of the story. It shouldn't have been able to. But she did.

Fy'ra Rai chose to doom 2 people instead of one, and the sheer strength of her love and will managed to save them both, at least for a little while. Isn't it funny how that works? Isn't it devastating? Isn't it. fucking incredible?

#critical role #cr spoilers #c3e93 #opal #EVERYONE CLAP FOR AABRIA AND ANJALI AND AIMEE BC I GO MORE FERAL THE LONGER I THINK ABOUT IT #character meta #fy'ra rai #fy'ra rai meta #opal meta #spar speaks #i had to get this out bc i cant Stop Thinking About it.... god..... she really Did That...#its not just about refusing to leave its understanding the consequence and facing it so unflinchingly that the narrative flinches first #UAHHHGGHH.#anjali bhimani do you know how much i respect you for this move. aabria iyengar do you know how much i respect you for setting up the stake #so clearly that this success(?) Hit the way it did. Aimee carrero do you know how much i respect you for how truly and devastatingly #you played opal while keeping the core of her character so poignant.#what the fucmkc. anyway im fine .#anyway this is why a lot of my devastated wailing is going to be reserved for dariax. and dorian. and cyrus.#my meta #FORGOT. I HAD THAT TAG. gotta go back and retag

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neanmoins-que · 2 months

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recently had a dream lothric was my roommate and i was destroying him in chess and since it fits my hcs for him i had to draw it

#and everyone clapped #(but the dream really happened i swear)#(otherwise it's too random of a topic to draw ok ok)#also dont reference me for the asl uno because it happened with french people when i was 8 or 9 #anyways #ds3 #dark souls 3 #lothric #lorian #twin princes #also if you know the correct way to sign uno in asl or lsf like tell me please im genuinely curious

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saetoshi · 1 year

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reo is not above asking for kisses. in fact, he begs for them.

it’s a little embarrassing when you’re out in public, really. the way he tugs at your sleeve, whining because you haven’t kissed him in forever (you kissed him before you left your apartment.)

embarrassingly enough, it’s also why you find yourself hidden away in an alley more often than not with reo pressing a flurry of kisses on your lips.

“reo-” you turn your head to the side, trying to catch your breath. he only hums in response before tilting your head back to keep kissing you.

(you’re starting to think you’re going to pass out from the lack of air.)

“reo!” you hiss, tilting your head up, his lips landing on your chin before he huffs, his hand coming up again to gently push you head down so you’re facing him again.

“jus’ one more.” he mumbles, pressing his lips to yours again with a satisfied hum. (he’s said that for the past fifteen minutes.)

(you think he’s becoming spoiled.)

you pull away, turning your head to the side, biting back a smile when he whines as you place your hand over his lips. a soft, slightly annoyed huff leaves your lips when he presses a kiss to the palm of your hand.

"reo." you sigh, looking at him with a frown. "we're gonna be late."

he frowns back at you.

"nagi's gonna be even more late than us!" his voice comes out muffled due to your hand. you hum in confusion before he slowly grabs your wrist and lowers your hand, repeating his words with a pout.

you sigh, slightly shaking your head, "even if he is, i don't wanna make him wait too long for us."

reo groans, resting his forehead on your shoulder. you absentmindedly lift your hand to pat his head in slight comfort.

"do we really have to go now?" he pouts, lifting his head from your shoulder to look at you.

he whines when you nod. he sniffles, "nagi's probably not even there yet!"

"doesn't matter," you hum, smiling when he huffs and crosses his arms, turning away from you with a frown as he grumbles under his breath.

you gently turn his head back to yours, a teasing smile on your lips. "i thought you'd be more excited to see your best friend?"

"i am." he pouts, "i just don't see why that means i can't kiss you."

"you can." you blink, "it's just embarrassing when you beg me to kiss you in the middle of the street."

he lets out a gasp, "no it isn't!

"for you, maybe!" you laugh, poking his nose. "wouldn't you feel embarrassed if i suddenly stopped you in the middle of a busy street, just to ask for a kiss?"

"no!" he huffs, puffing his cheeks out, looking slightly offended at the accusation, "i'd feel flattered."

you roll your eyes, "yeah, right."

he huffs again after a beat of silence, pouting before he steps back and sighs, "fine. let's get going, then."

"wait," you hum, a mischievous smile on your lips as you grab his shirt and pull him close to you again. "aren't you forgetting something?"

you laugh when his face lights up, his hands cupping your cheeks as he leans in, whispering, "one for the road."

(it was not, in fact, one kiss. he started pressing a flurry of kisses on your lips again.

he's too spoiled, you conclude. still, you can't find it in yourself to stop indulging him.)

(though, you're both embarrassed by the time nagi's spamming your phones with calls, asking why neither of you have arrived at the café yet.)

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cozylittleartblog · 2 months

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The sixty billion double-dollar man.

#trigun #trigun fanart #trigun 98 #vash the stampede #anime #art #illustration #highlight reel #yet another sopping wet cringefail little man has captivated me. woe #this image is so beautiful but i had to crunch it so hard in the current climate of the internet :(#art prints of this will be available on my you know what sometime today hopefully #im insane this came out so good. everyone clap right now

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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 8 months

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You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

#ive spent months on thsi stupid lesbian toxic yuri slow burn relationship so you all better clap or im blowing this building up #psychonauts #elka doom #franke athens #ill paint the town red

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tianhai03 · 1 year

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oh hey look it's april 1st again. happy trans day of visibility 💙💗🤍

#leons here this year!!! everyone please clap for him #i wish i could do a more polished drawing but unfortunately i have something i need to do in the morning #and im already staying up way later than i should be </3 so this will have to do for now #anyways. danteleon is t4t thank you for coming to my ted talk #devil may cry #dante(dmc)#resident evil #leon s kennedy #allyart

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brother-emperors · 3 months

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Then, on his arrival in Constantinople, after much counsel with himself, considering that he was already unequal to the amount of pressing business and believing that there was no room for delay, on the twenty-eighth of March he brought the aforesaid Valens into one of the suburbs and with the consent of all (for no one ventured to oppose) proclaimed him Augustus. Then he adorned him with the imperial insignia and put a diadem on his head, and brought him back in his own carriage, thus having indeed a lawful partner in his power, but, as the further course of our narrative will show, one who was as compliant as a subordinate. No sooner were these arrangements perfected without disturbance than both emperors were seized with violent and lingering fevers--

AM 26.4.3-4

this was one of those illustrations that was originally supposed to be a 5 page comic until I realized I don't know anything about later roman empire architecture or visuals or art or anything, so we'll revisit that later. maybe

for right now though, these two are fascinating. we have two brothers acting as one body, even becoming ill in tandem with each other, it's giving This Throne Is Cursed. like, the last time I read about emperors coming down with life threatening illnesses, it was Caligula, and that moment in his biography marked a very specific tone shift. I spent the rest of the (first) time reading about Valens and Valentinian waiting for something comparable to Caligula's reign to happen lmao (Dio 59. 8. 1-2)

and since Caligula was already on the mind, I started thinking about Tiberius: I think he would've loved these two since he had a whole thing about twin-ification and brothers and etc etc etc. ofc, Rome is both a Mouth and a Tomb, so it's going to go badly for someone/everyone eventually, but honestly I think that Valentinian and Valens were the best we could've hoped for. like it could've been so much worse

Tiberius and the Heavenly Twins, Edward Champlin

Failure of Empire: Valens and the Roman State in the Fourth Century A.D, Noel Lenski

⭐ I have a tip jar (ko-fi)!

⭐ and other places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

#(drawing hearts around valens) hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii #roman empire tag #drawing tag #every day i think about valentinian bringing his brother into this and wondering how valens felt about it #especially since the over all arc is that he's constantly just trying to tread water managing everything from six different fronts #did you ever want things to go back to how they were!!!! did you dream of simpler times!!!!!! when it was just hard work and dirt #under your nails instead of the horrible scale of empire choking you out to the very end!!!!!!!!! did you hate your brother for it #im normal about valens. btw. (<<<said by a guy who made valens his icon on his main art blog)#anyway. (claps hands together) im going to go and write about bonifacio and mabini and lucan and crassus and the pharsalia #and mabini's writings on a failed revolution and bonifacio haunting the collective memory #i gotta condense it down to a thousand words. ideally. we are rambling around at around 2k and its unwieldy #valens #valentinian I #later Roman Empire tag

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basketobread · 5 months

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WE DID IT TUMBLR!!!!!!!!!!! WE KILLED LUNARA WITH NAUTILOID MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#and then everybody clapped #i replayed the prologue scene just to get this screenshot #im sorry for putting you thru this again lunara #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #tav #bg3 tav #bg3 oc #baldur's gate oc #lunara posting #bob talks

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viva-el-belt-libre · 7 months

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Hey, remember how the second ending of link click is built on references to a story of a guy who builds a time machine to save his dead lover?

#because i do and im not ok #they really have to slap you in the face with it dont they?#the little lovers even clap hands #shiguang #shiguang daili ren #link click

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lloverz · 2 years

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A gentle reminder to drink your shakes

Wake up and take a few deep breaths. Don’t think about everything you need to do today. You’ll get there when you need to, but for now just breathe.

Take yo meds!!! They’re good for you!!!

I know mental health disorders are hard to talk about. This is a safe space for EVERYONE & I would love for my followers to interact w me. I have a few posts about “meds” so in order to make you feel more comfortable, I’ll tell you what I am currently going through.

Bipolar

Borderline Personality Disorder

PTSD

there’s something else but I forgot lol

There’s nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, I recently realized that it’s important to tell the people you love and care about. I realized that I was having irrational arguments and it effected the people I love the most. My family has never really been “picture perfect” so I ignored my symptoms for a long time. I’ve been off of my meds for over a year and today (rn actually) I’m going to the dr to get them refilled.

It’s not only important to tell your family, but your extended family and friends.

Recently I had a conversation with my ex’s cousin and she sadi that for the past 4 years, her entire family thought I didn’t like them. It was because the “smallest thing” would drastically change my mood, and they thought it was because of them. I felt so bad and immediately told her that I love them, and btw I have these mental health issues.

Right after I told her what I have, she immediately said “ohhhh okay, yeah I can see it” and it felt like years of distance disappeared just because I was open about my experience.

I used to be the type of person to be ashamed and hide this information, until I realized that it’s actually very common. A lot of people never do any self reflection, so they don’t think there’s a reason to go to the dr. There’s a couple people in my family that show even more intense signs of being bipolar than me, yet when the subject comes up they deflect. So if there’s already a few of those in MY family, I can imagine they are everywhere. There’s nothing to be ashamed of about getting proper help and knowing yourself!

signs of a bipolar person ( based off of what it’s like to be me lol )

extreme mood swings. for me, I will be manic for about 3 months then in my lower state for the next 3 months and so on. Mood swings also happen when a person becomes irritable, resulting in A LOT of intense anger. (shaking, yelling, aggressive actions for at least an hour)

when in a manic state, I am super creative. I’ll start a million businesses AND keep working on other creative things. I went from spending a lot of money I didn’t have to creating businesses with what I do have.

when in the lower state, it feels like there’s zero motivation. “everything is what it is and isn’t what it isn’t. everything is nothing and nothing is everything, what’s the point? life goes on” this is accompanied with feelings of depression, insecurity, A LOT of anxiety, etc.

when in a manic state, I feel like I want to solve ALL the WORLD’S problems. Sign me up for mayor, I’ll get shit done around here. this state of mind is accompanied with confidence, security, charisma, openess, hanging out a lot with friends and family, and being very active always doing something.

Now I’ll let you know what it’s like to be borderline. this subject is a little harder because when I think about the times I displayed this behavior, I really look at it with disgust because why would I do that?? lol. But i know that’s something I need to work on in myself. I can’t control what I am not aware of at the moment so I can’t be too hard on myself. I just need to be more self aware to tackle these BPD character traits. Let’s not have shame about who we are.

taking on characteristics from others ( convincing yourself that you like/don’t like the same things as them )

having a sense of not really knowing yourself

having a hard time “fitting in”

I’m not really sure what other characteristics I display of BPD, that is something I need to pay more attention to. If you feel as though you have any of these symptoms, don’t hesitate to talk to a psychiatrist. I have insurance that pays for my medication and my therapy visits, you can sign up for benefits online. There’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s best to get the care you need.

i love yall, take care!🫶✌️

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