#including time for myself

[comfreyhollywings]

it's kind of like scrolling back into the beginning where you've first formed a post.  it's a little bit like, say, tumblr. you've been scrolling through tumblr the past few days—quotev too to see what your past self has said to you. to see what she has written. there were so many gold mines, so many things that's been written down on a website that'll may be lost media some day. it hasn't gone past you to archive it to a certain point, but you know that it takes on work. work that you don't quite have the energy for today. 

mentally, i am scattered. i'm not in a space where i can read lines in order. the words have become scattered, ink blurred. it's like when you stare at a book or a screen for too long, it begins to deteriorate you. it's been deteriorating my voice. i can literally feel my voice regressing even to this day. it sucks, because when i've been looking for work, this was not what i had in mind. i thought it'd help me in my communication skills. to an extent, it has—but not in the way in which i pictured it. 

i never thought three hours every day mon-fri would tire me out. i never thought that i'd have the bare minimum of interaction with my coworkers while i'm stuck; isolated away from everyone but my client. i never thought i'd have to focus on the external world so much about gaining my financial independence while simultaneously helping mom pay the bills. i never thought i'd fret about my experience with my boyfriend keeping in mind the age gap we have. my friends keep DMing me on instagram. i still livestream a lot through an organized process. my dad was in the hospital but he recovered... so that's good.

in hindsight, my mental spoons aren't the greatest. it doesn't seem like it's been pushing me up. or maybe, in a weird sense, it is? maybe i need to just.. grow through it? and get used to this? i'm not sure yet. i'm still discovering things out. 

regardless of what's happened, i'm writing. i keep finding my fingers scattered all over the keyboard, just waiting and typing and staring at all the words. the grammar in this isn't the best. i'm still not quite mentally up to date yet. things keep changing and there's little stuff like social media that keeps flitting from day to day. no permanence. 

i'm not used to this. i'm used to taking things slow one step at a time. 

i received a reading before this—in which i was supposed to find a career that stokes my inner flame, not dampen it. i'm supposed to get something that'll stray away from the expectations put on me; to find something i like. that it's okay to strive away from people's expectations. i'm told to give myself grace for the things that's been happening. to slow down, nurture, take care of myself. 

so i've been trying, you know. i've been trying really hard. obviously i know, that in order to find things that you don't like, you have to start experiencing life first. naturally, it's a hard process. to go out there and actually gain it. i'm not a huge executor in the first place, but i know it's needed.

but again, it's like a bad internet novel. almost too good to be true. almost. where everyone started to remember that they could be happy, including me. even with the amount of work and the directionless thoughts i have; they're all just potential to start up something new again. i can find things that make me happy from the inside out. i can just.. accept and align with it.  

everything that had helped me survive in the past was reptilian skin. this is shed in light of a new circumstances; a new reality.

this side of mines that held such sharp, defensive tension. sneaky and eyeing from the shadows. always willing to be in the background because that was the only thing i knew. treading around mistakes carefully, banging my head against walls after seeing one slight imperfection. i feel restless, crawling out of my skin sometimes because i constantly feel like i'm not where i'm supposed to be. like i feel bad just for existing even though i've never interacted, not even once. 

but maybe this. this, the fear and confusion, is the thing that can be wrong.

things can be easy. if i let it.  

#bee speaks #spilled ink #inkskinned #writeblr #exhaustion is a bitch #but things can be easy if i plan things out #including time for myself #if i let it

[elegyofthemoon]

It's still surprising to see people say that when they see the upcoming strike post I made that this is the first time they're hearing about it, especially because I've seen several posts now talking about the same strike.

That being said: regardless of what kind of blog you are, please spread the news about the genocide, the strikes, boycotts, etc.

Even if you are a small blog, spreading word allows for more people to know what's going on and also do their part in protests and strikes, and maybe even the right people will be able to do more than what you're able to do.

And reminder: there is an upcoming strike on February 18th-25th. Prepare accordingly, protest, boycott, call your reps, and spread the word so more people are aware.

#ceasefire now #free palestine #palestine #it still stuns me because i can count maybe 3 different posts myself included that has all the information about the strikes #and just this morning someone rb mine saying this is the first time theyre hearing of it #do you see why its important to keep talking? #i'm not going to apologize for suddenly posting this midway through clearing my likes. it's important #free gaza #gaza #congo #free congo

[bizarrelittlemew]

CREW || first episode of appearance ⇉ season 2 episode 8

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmdedit #ofmdsource #ofmd gifs #ida.stuff #sorry ivan but i only included everyone who appeared in s2e8 #i've had this on my to do list for sooooo long #and now felt like a good time #can't make myself write “last episode” though #i love them all so much

[cacaocheri]

im obsessed with this audio and i HAD to draw it with sun

#i dont CARE if this has been done before #its MY blorbo and i get to decide the audio i animate him to #i was in vc with my friends while animating this and they helped me make sooo many artistic decisions #including but not limited to: #1) the multiple blinks #2) the little dance he does at the end #ty guys yall are the best #ily MWAH #my art #sun fnaf #fnaf sun #fnaf security breach #security breach #sundrop #sundrop fnaf #fnaf sundrop #sun security breach #i was chuckling so hard to myself while drawing this #krita crashed on me SO many times #but it was worth it #i learned the awesome power of saving thanks to bean and tuz

[newttxt]

launching a rescue mission!

from utilities included, ch. 8

masterpost

#one piece #sanji #zoro #zosan #nami #usopp #helmeppo #koby #bartolomeo #other ppl but theyre just cameos #utilities included #DONT draw crowds. i suffered. i cannot explain. i didnt even detail that many crowd ppl but i was fighting for my life the whole time #blood sweat and tears. ill be complaining about this one for a while #BUT. IM SO HAPPY WITH IT?! #shoutout to emmie for helping me with the barto pose #and shoutout to bege for bringing a whole infant to a rager. my favorite detail that i added to please myself #anyway i learned i love drawing koby and barto

[even-disco-baby]

THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES

PROBLEM

The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?

SOLUTION

You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.

#disco elysium #thought cabinet #suicide tw #smth a little different #this is actually smth i would like to include in a full length one shot #but i think it’s gonna get edited p heavily for the fic this is just a first pass at it #but. i like this draft of it and i want to archive it #feels like me and all my loved ones have death on their minds most of the time lately… #reminding myself that keeping myself and all the ppl i care about on this earth is what everything is about #always and forever

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts - Halloween Town

#kingdom hearts #kh1 #halloween town #scenery #my gif #not sure if i ever really registered that the sky is red when you're in the town #as well as all of the background noises that constantly play. from snarling dogs to weird scurrying and strange laughter #i had to talk myself out of the idea of doing a quick replay of this game so that i could include oogie boogie's manor #because it's such an intricately designed location. they really went all out on it but it disappears after you defeat him #i felt so unsatisfied leaving it out of this set #so i elected to just use shots from some cutscenes and painted out any characters in the way #saved me so much time and it worked out quite well #i have a couple of other gifs from this world that i'll save for halloween since that's coming up next month :]

[camila-morrones]

SYDNEY SWEENEY for Frankies Bikinis (March 2023)

#do these gifs give any viewer a sense of whiplash . Quite possibly yes and that is in fact including myself #but did i already spend the time making them ❤️ yes . frankies GIRL please release the normal video clips #sydney sweeney #sydneysweeneyedit #ssweeneyedit #euphoriacastedit #flawlessbeautyqueens #flawlesscelebs #thequeensofbeauty #breathtakingqueens #ladiesofcinema #userladiesblr #wonderfulwomendaily #femalegifsource #brunettessource #userstream #dailywomen #actresscentral #my gifs #mine

[morebird]

Lord Felwinter 🩸

#destiny 2 #destiny the game #destiny 2 fanart #lord felwinter #felwinter #fanart #illustration #this is my halloween gift for the felwinter lovers #i know there's at least 10 of you myself included #i probably would have spent a couple more days polishing this one but i don't have time and my brain is scrambled so take it or leave it

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

political opinion: fingers should have more joints

#not my only political opinion but. currently. my most FERVENT one #ok 2nd most fervent. actual most fervent is VOTE IN THE FUCKIN MIDTERMS U FUCKER MC FUCKENING FUCKERIST #anyway. ahem. fingers. more joints. self explanatory. #(also mostly unrelated but. when i was in. .. middle school maybe? there was a period of time where i fully believed 'Fervent' referred to #a species or genus or other grouping of mammal which included ferrets #like how Crows are a member of the Corvid family? yeah i thought Ferrets were a member of the Fervents #not my proudest moment yet i find myself oddly and ferociously proud #) #((no wait wait wait wait wait wait. FEREVENTLY proud)) #(((also until relatively recently i thought it was spelled Fervant but we don't need to talk about that)))

[dogboots]

no thoughts only honey

#bluey #my art #honey my best friend honey this time! #i really do think shes the queen of Embroidered Jeans. like those you see with the butterflies on the butt pocket? #everybody seemed to have a pair when i was younger (myself included) + i just think she would look cute with little bee pants :) #personallyyy im a bug kid honey truther which is my explanation for the second outfit but i dont have much basis for that either really #anyway! it is now designated honey hour and it is mandatory that she be appreciated for the next 60 minutes. Thatse All

[mybrknhrtt]

the sky is on fire, let it rain on me.

#my art #critical role #yasha nydoorin #cr2 #critical role fanart #cr yasha #digital art #the mighty nein #no mercy by pvris #first time trying to include backgrounds #and digital art rendering as well #im excited to keep learning and practicing #*travis willingham grog noises* #hope u guys like it #i also took my armor design seriously #i dont see myself drawing yasha without it

[pftones3482]

Listen, I hear y'all and your Touch Averse Autistic Donnie headcanons. But may I take a moment to present you with the option of: Physical Comfort Autistic Donnie, who is very comfortable touching his family and friends and with them touching him? And who uses physical touch as a way to show love without words?

Bc once you start looking for it, he is CONSTANTLY in physical contact with someone, and it's almost always in an affectionate way

#this is just a headcanon and observation obvi yall hc what makes u happy #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #donatello rottmnt #its always just disheartening when all autistic representation is touch averse when thats not how every autistic person is yk? #myself included #leo and mikey can def get away with it more than the others can but donnie really just always is in someone's personal space #i think his aversion would come in times of insanely high stress (like when theyre fighting the krang) #and as soon as he manages to calm down enough he'd be clinging to his brothers #also i think a lot of his 'ew hugs' moments are just the typical 'ew my family is hugging me' phase that a lot of teenagers go through lol #6 of these screenshots he actively initiated the touch or equally participated in it too #also also love the idea of a fic where Donnie is nonverbal one day and just uses touch to make sure everyone knows hes ok

[robert-deniro]

I’m not putting me donkey outside when I’m sad, okay?

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022) dir. Martin McDonagh

#filmedit #filmgifs #moviegifs #fyeahmovies #userrobin #userconstance #usernastya #usertom #the banshees of inisherin #colin farrell #sakshi does a thing #as someone who doesn't have much friends other than their pet(s) I FELT SEEN #anyway #yeah i had to include the last one bc i like to make myself sad :) #martin mcdonagh next time i see you i will fight you. hashtag justice for jenny.

[r0semultiverse]

#using 'them' because obviously not all transfem folks (myself included) use she & her #add this one to one of my more super hot takes even if it's true #stop canceling trans women over stuff you absolutely get it up for #also making this because of recent events & no I won't elaborate even if you ask me to #and no I won't debate the ethics of adults playing pretend with you as that's silly; a waste of my time #and is also just not what this post is about; you'd think that'd be obvious but watch people not care anyway #feel free to send asks though It's up to me whether or not I want to answer them #this double standard is never done in good faith & is most assuredly transphobia 100% #marking this post as all of the things because I know the people on this site can't behave; I've seen it before #yes you should reblog this btw; this also happens on twitter & reddit I'm sure though I have no twitter #mine #op #fauxcest #sibcon #step mom #siscon #brocon #sibcest #trans memes #transgender memes #cw adult things #cw adult stuff #tagging all of these just to be safe

[gayvampyr]

“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and #‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but #often do coalign #it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma #which is very common for queer folks #it’s really not an ace-only thing #like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those #feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience #instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours #im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful #my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick #of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan #and it’s often aphobes who bought into that ‘aces are puritanical celibate straights who want ppl who have gay sex to die or think they’re #‘dirty’ or some shit. and it was literally 90% crypto-aphobes pretending to be aces to get people to adopt that into their belief system #the same way crypto-t/rfs pretend to be trans women who want to prey on the ‘innocent women’ #and y’all will use those posts/screenshots as ‘evidence’ that whatever scapegoat you’ve selected is actually inherently bad/homophobic/ #misogynistic/etc and not even #acknowledge the giant hole in your logic cuz you’re too busy trying to find a scapegoat #it’s the same tactics and y’all fall for it every time #text post #like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men #for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird #not showing interest in heterosexual relationships or sex is why this is so important #anyone that falls outside the scope of heterosexuality is part of this community whether you like it or not