#intentional triggering

[creekfiend]

Something I've learned recently is that there's multiple ways you can respond when you identify hypocrisy in yourself.... like, supposing you notice that you have treated someone in a way that is not in line with your values. You COULD beat yourself up about it and be like "ugh you hypocrite, you SAY you have x values but then you treated these people in this other way"

Or, and I think this qualifies much better as "taking responsibility for your actions": you can go "huh. I definitely do have x values and believe people should be treated in these ways... and much of the time I am able to behave in ways that are in line with those values... and yet under these specific circumstances I was for some reason not able to do that. Let's look at those situations and people and try to find some patterns there so I can identify what types of scenarios make it hard for me to behave according to my values"

And then when you identify situations like that in the future, you can try and give yourself the time and space to really process stuff and try to remind yourself "this is a situation where behaving according to my values has been difficult in the past" which will help you be more intentional and careful in how you proceed.

Anyway. That's hard but it's a big relief to do because it really feels like being armed with magical knowledge lolol

#dysfunction junction #everyone has values and everyone behaves in ways that arent in line with those values sometimes #certain things may trigger us into a state of fight/flight and we arent able to #behave in caring and intentional ways durijg those times #so learning to identify those triggers so you can calm yourself down and make sure you respond #from a place of thoughtfulness andnnot reactivity #is really helpful. and good. #the end

[zivazivc]

the morning (afternoon?) after this messy stunt. Floyd got off too easy in my opinion, but it's hard for Les to stay mad at him when he makes those sad pouting faces... 🤦

If you think Floyd's being really dumb at the start of this comic before getting a reality check, you have to take into account that he's madly lovesick and was feeling very smug atm; he's also a 15yo pop troll who thinks making out with someone means they're together now; and he assumed Les's sour mood was entirely the result of a nasty hangover...

P.S. They forgot about Hed lol (I almost forgot about him too, drew him just before posting lmao)

#trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls floyd #trolls oc #les #hed #ex bandmates #my art #pop trolls curse in their kid friendly lingo but rock trolls curse normal-style #it's just facts #i don't think les is being honest about how much what floyd pulled really upset him #he is a victim of much abuse growing up and some shit fucks him up more than the regular person #but he also knows floyd had no malicious intent and is just a kid #so he rather bottles it up to not upset both of them even more #amazing coping and communication skills this one 🤙 #he is trying his best tho #i can't tell if you guys can tell but he's basking in the sun in that one panel #trolls comic #this was a really fun way to explore les's character and their dynamic #also les and hed's dynamic #trigger warnings: #tw alcohol #tw smoking #les gives life advice then offers cigarettes uwu #also you know this dude's hair smells horrible if he stores cigarettes and koosh in there ksjfbsdkc

[seagreenstardust]

Even just the fact that Katsuki point blank asks Izuku later “SOMETHING must have triggered black whip, what was it”???

Guys. Friends. Pals. You don’t choose to make the character who triggered the quirk ask the question (and not get an answer!!!) without a reason, this is textbook stuff, writing fictional characters 101. There is actual irony in Katsuki asking, in him not getting an answer, and most authors would introduce said irony only as foreshadowing, not as a random throwaway moment

#bkdk #bakudeku #mha #mha rewatch #also shows how little Izuku lets himself consider his own emotions that his analytical mind couldn’t piece together what triggered it #even after Banjo told him to control his heart #these!!! are!!!! choices!!!! #what I wouldn’t give for a glimpse into Hori’s mind #characters don’t do or say things just for the fun of it #these are intentional choices that have some kind of motive behind them #and if it’s not to set up Kacchan Bakugo as the badass heroine of MHA then I need to know what else it could be

[yashley]

imogen & fearne in c3e82

#critical role #ygifs #imogearne #imogen x fearne #imogen said Spread Out and fearne said SPREADING🫡sgkldjfhgklsdflsekdf #explain 2 me boss lady imogen just immediately triggers fearne to step in line like shes stepping in love....... #also I do not care that fearne is the only one who's like imogen's marks??? I'm STARING intently

[lamaiemiei]

noticing patterns

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabv1el #i'd really like to draw Gabriel with scars more but i'm afraid of alienating/triggering people who still deal with self harm #i have reasons as to why i draw him with them but again; fear of triggering people #V1's just trying to understand Gabriel #two emotionally immature people trying to understand what love is and shit yk? #tw self harm #tw scars #not tagging as suggestive cause this is not the intent and not the conclusion

[firelise]

Sand + Ray + their triggers [Ep 1 → Ep 5 → Ep 7 → Ep 9]

Ep 10 preview: Sand: I got you the information, the rehabs in and out of Bangkok. Ray: I can go if you want me to, on one condition. Will you go to your dad and tell him you're his son?

#the fact that their first words to one another ever were inadvertently about each other's traumas is INSANE #i kinda figured the wording was intentional bc I was confused why they were so mad at each other from jump #now im like OOOOH they were both triggered #got it #theyre soulmates your honor #only friends #only friends the series #only friends ray #only friends sand #sandray #only friends series #ofts #cgedits #mygifs #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat

[lunar-years]

I'm rewatching TL (nothing new there) and its really bugging me this time round how Ted is clearly aware that the traumatic event of his childhood has had a negative impact on his psyche and the way he behaves as an adult, yet he seems unwilling to give Jamie the same acknowledgement

yeah i think a lot of the disconnect between them actually comes from Ted comparing his situation and dad trauma to Jamie's situation and dad trauma without recognizing that they are actually very different situations and that he and Jamie are two very different people who deal with trauma differently as well.

Like, his whole speech about "sometimes having a tough dad makes you stronger/better/whatever the fuck" when Jamie asks to be let back on the team is for me a reflection that 1) One of Ted's own personal coping mechanisms is telling himself he's "overcome" the trauma of his dad's death and come out the other side of it a better & kinder (curious, not judgemental) person. When really he very much hasn't overcome it (in fact it's not something that can be 'overcome,' so to speak) and has only shoved it deeper down until it all comes bubbling back up again during the show.

And 2) it's easier for Ted to assume Jamie copes in the same way (and will therefore be reassured by the notion that he's a great player because 'surviving' his father's abuse has made him tougher and more driven) rather than actually reflecting upon or unpacking Jamie's completely separate situation.

what's fascinating to me is that when Ted superimposes his own situation onto Jamie he has Jamie playing two roles. One is Ted himself, who desperately and genuinely wants to forgive his own father (and therefore he think forgiveness is a good idea for Jamie) and the second is Henry, who Ted wants desperately to forgive him (and therefore he needs to believe Jamie can forgive his father, so that Henry will forgive him).

Anyway, that's why Jamie features so heavily in all of Ted's panic attacks despite the fact that the two of them are not actually that close and Ted actually knows very little about him.

Of course, the person who comes out worse in this messy dynamic is Jamie, who gets a lot of very bad advice from Ted as a result. And yeah it can be really bothersome as a viewer because I do think the state of Ted's mental health does continually result in him letting Jamie specifically down.

#I think #also ted is sort of aware of that and it's part of what makes wembley SO triggering for him #because right in front of him is the thing he's never acknowledged and it's impossible not to acknowledge it #i think ted spent a LOT of time convincing himself what he saw at the end of season 1 was something different than what he was seeing #I don’t think ted has ill intent of course it’s just. the horrors honing in. #and the fanon dynamic people give to them therefore makes very little sense to me #anyway #ch: ted lasso #jamie tartt #ted lasso meta #asks #ted lasso

[mybrainproblems]

It's just kind of.... Odd. How dismissive so much of the spn fandom is about the writers who worked on the show. Treating them like they're talentless hacks and proverbial monkeys at typewriters but the thing is that they wrote the thing you love.

Actors will make changes to delivery or tweak lines when filming but ultimately, they are bringing words to life off the page. Words that were written by writers. I am not trying to devalue actors (bc they are also talented professionals), but they are building off of what the writers have created and are breathing life into it -- it's a collaborative partnership.

When a show runs as long as spn you're bound to have absurd coincidences like the villain of 07x12 telling Dean (on the in-universe date of 5 Nov 1944) that his future is covered in black ooze only to have 15x18 and the confession air on 5 Nov 2020. You can have happy accidents like casting an unknown actor in a guest part who is so good that he then goes on to play that role for 12 years. But to dismiss all of the themes and longer narrative arcs and every story decision as the result of writers banging on typewriters with no consideration?

You're devaluing the labor of creatives when you say everything was an accident and nothing was planned and you're playing right into the hands of networks and studios who are trying to screw over and underpay the creatives who they've made their money off of.

#drink your respect writers juice and respect the writers who've created the shows you claim to love!!! #hello i just read a blurb about AI and was reminded how amptp is refusing to negotiate in good faith with the wga #spn wouldn't be what it is and what you love if not for actual writers and writerly intent #y'all are all 'respect labor' until it comes to this one show at which point you refuse to acknowledge just how much work went into spn #assume that i'm at all times on a bit of a hair trigger for a rant about respecting the spn writers and not being a pile of raging dicks #deep breaths. deep breaths. #spn

[le-agent-egg]

Low effort meme

#danganronpa #mondoblr #mondo owada #mondo oowada #daiya owada #daiya oowada #trigger happy havoc #dr thh #they are both gay #why is it that every time i draw Daiya I accidentally make him look like a wh*re #yes the placement of im eat shit and im die was intentional im sorry gamers #why does Daiya get both slutty eyeshadow and slutty eyeliner save some for the rest of us #Daiya with the triangle mouth is the only way to draw him #perpetual :D face syndrome

[scarefox]

are you really into each other when you didn't point a gun into each others faces and show how much you are not afraid of the other?

(also the way Prom holds the gun save, while Nont has his finger on the trigger because he's edging on danger and destruction. lowkey threatens Prom with that, but Prom trusts Nont to not hurt him)

#can yall stop saying Nont or the director is dumb when it's obviously an intentional choice of him having the finger on the trigger? -.- #YA KNOW in the scene of indirect nonverbal communication with that said gun #these guys are living on the edge #rules can be broken intentionally not just because someone doesn't know them #playboyy the series #playboyy #ep7 #prom x nont

[theoryofwhatnow]

i love when tom sturridge’s eyes do that thing where they look pure black with little stars

#i’m aware this is a normal things for eyes to do but it’s very common with tom because of how deep-set his eyes actually are #he’s been dream of the endless since the time he could walk #anyway i feel like the odd eyes made him seem more martyr like in this scene #specifically because this is the last time you see nigel #the last bit of his humanity erased as he pulled the trigger and it can be seen through the eyes #don’t turn up your brightness or my argument will be irrelevant #nigel colbie #like minds #murderous intent #tom sturridge #alex forbes #like minds 2006 #the sandman

[hum--hallelujah]

like a sledgehammer to a disco ball - 3.9k words, Fun Ghoul angst and protective Kobra Kid

Kobra jerks awake at the first creak of the floor. The only person who has any right to be in his room at night knows better than to step where the floor creaks. Instinct takes over and he's holding his blaster at body height by the time his brain and eyes are awake enough to see through the dark.

"It's me, it's me, it's me," Ghoul stammers, holding his hands defensively in the air. Only, it sounds more like "'smee," because of the way Ghoul is slurring. And he's bleeding.

Kobra drops the blaster as soon as he realizes that the dark smear across Ghoul's face is blood. "What the hell, man," he hisses, groping in the dark for a light with one hand and trying to pat Ghoul down to make sure he's not like, actively dying, with the other. He could be blackout drunk or he could have gone out alone like he does sometimes and any number of things could have happened. The cold metal of an old flashlight meets his fingers and he flicks it on, shining the dim light over Ghoul.

"I did something stupid," Ghoul says. Only, it comes out as "Uh did su'hn stooid," wavering slightly, because the entire right side of Ghoul's face, from the corner of his mouth to his cheekbone, is sliced open. There's a horrific flap of flesh hanging loose that's supposed to be connected to the rest of his face. That's where the blood staining his face and clothes and hands is coming from, and why when he speaks, it sounds wrong.

"Holy shit," Kobra whispers, feeling cold Zone night air sting his eyes because they're open so wide. "Okay. Okay, what happened?" He holds Ghoul carefully by one arm, feels the way he's shaking. He's always shaking, except when he's got his hands in a bomb. This is worse than normal though. This is so much worse than anything Kobra's ever seen.

Ghoul shrugs, waves his hands vaguely and wildly. Kobra hisses a sharp breath through his teeth, frantically runs a hand through his hair. "Okay," He says again. "I'm gonna get-" He needs Jet, de facto medic, he needs Party, needs his brother-

"No," Ghoul says sharply, and that at least is completely clear. His eyes are wild from what Kobra can see in the dark. If human eyes could glow, his would. He grips Kobra's arms. "Please don't," he mumbles around the gruesome injury. His voice is high and frantic, and it has to hurt to talk. "Just you."

Kobra freezes. There's a slowly building feeling of dread, growing stronger by the moment. He pulls Ghoul off him, holds him by the wrists. "Okay. Just me," he promises, and feels sick about it. "Just me."

Ghoul noticeably relaxes, though he's still trembling head to toe, and lets Kobra drag him across the diner in near-silence aside from the occasional seemingly involuntary whimper on Ghoul's part, into the single-stall bathroom with a barely working lightbulb. Somehow, they make it past the front room where Party sleeps without waking him, much as Kobra wants to let his brother take care of this. He's practically trembling at how badly he wants Pois right now.

There's a medical kit in the cabinet that Kobra pulls out immediately. He knows how to handle this, physically speaking. It's whatever else, the shit he doesn't know and is scared to find out, like how this freaking happened, that makes him nervous. Ghoul stands in the flickering light like he doesn't know what to do.

"Sit the fuck down," Kobra snaps nervously, gesturing to the toilet lid. Ghoul does. Kobra pulls a dubiously clean rag from the cabinet and eyes it. It scares him to see Ghoul like this. Usually if he's scared, he fights. He hisses and spits and claws at whoever comes near him. More often than not, that's Kobra. But this, the wide-eyed jittering, is a whole other animal.

"This whole thing is gonna suck," he says stiffly. Ghoul nods. With a little more light, Kobra can see the thick, shiny blood streaming from the wound through his cheek. It isn't enough that Kobra's afraid Ghoul will bleed out, but the cut is so long and clear through and absolutely grotesque. He crouches down in front of where Ghoul is sitting, sideways on the toilet, and he can't tell if Ghoul is looking at him or through him, almost as if he's the ghost.

In a quick motion that startles both of them, probably, Kobra grabs the back of Ghoul's head with one hand and presses the rag to the seeping wound with the other. Ghoul's eyes go even wider and even greener, and what starts out as a shout of pain from him turns into a choked keening sound. Hearing it feels like being stabbed.

"What happened?" Asks Kobra again, when he's convinced that the bleeding has slowed enough to try and actually deal with this thing. He twists the handle on the faucet on and off, on and off, enough times that the ancient water pump starts up and clean water gurgles into the sink. He cleans the rag that way, then wets it and wrings it out before shutting the water off.

Ghoul's shoulders rise and fall in short, panicky breaths. "I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry. I'm- I didn't think, it was stupid, I'm sorry," he continues babbling like that before going silent again aside from the sharp sounds of his breathing.

In a testament to Kobra's selfishness, his biggest worry is that Ghoul took his motorbike out for a spin and crashed it. He can't think of what could have caused something like this. He has visions of his bike sliding out on a turn, crumbled metal and Ghoul's body flying through the air. But if that had happened he'd be hurt other than this. If that had happened he might be dead.

"Yo," he says quietly. "Chill. Just tell me what happened." He presses the now-damp rag to Ghoul's face, trying to ignore just how grotesque the wound really is. Maybe because it's fresh, maybe because of the fear, but somehow it's worse than the space where Jet's other eye used to be. Kobra never wanted to see an injury of that level on another person again in his life, let alone someone he cares about.

Ghoul flinches away, but Kobra shoots him a look and it must process somehow, because he stills and lets Kobra clean the already drying blood away from the edges of the wound with barely a whine. "It was stupid," he repeats, his voice shaking as much as it's slurring. "I don't know why I did it, Kid."

Something about the way he says that, voice small and wavering, sends a chill down Kobra's throat. Sudden understanding dawns on him. The blood on Ghoul's hands. He's not injured anywhere else. "You did that to yourself?" Kobra asks hoarsely.

Ghoul's eyes snap onto his and the rest of the color drains from his face. Kobra thinks he's going to pass out for a second, but he doesn't. He pulls as far away as he can, scrabbling awkwardly against the cold tiles and porcelain of the bathroom. "I don't know what I though, I was stupid, I don't- Kobra," he whines, with enough animalistic despair that Kobra wants suddenly to burst into tears, if he weren't so utterly stunned.

"Ghoul, calm down, I've gotta stitch it still," he says on autopilot. "Cool your engine, man."

Maybe it's the practicality of the thing that makes Ghoul momentarily stop panicking. "I'm sorry," he says again, tears welling in his eyes that he then blinks away half-frantically. Kobra's never heard him apologize for anything before tonight. He never wants to hear it again.

"It's okay, man. I've got you." He replies. If his own voice is shaking now, too, no the hell it isn't. "Come on, you have to let me..." he trails off, eyes wide. "Ghoul, why..." Then he shakes his head. He can't think about that now. He needs to disinfect the wound and stitch it up. And it's going to hurt Ghoul really, really badly.

He reaches behind him, grabs at the bottle of alcohol. This stuff is rare out in the Zones. They try to use it as little as possible. Only in emergencies. This is enough of an emergency, though. This is a fucking crisis.

He pours the bare minimum of the alcohol onto another piece of cloth, feels the cold soak in. Ghoul watches every move with jerking, stilted intensity. Kobra looks up at him from where he's now kneeling on the cold tile. He puts a hand behind Ghoul's head again. "This is going to hurt," he warns. They've nearly gouged each other's eyes out before, yet suddenly Kobra feels like he's going to be sick at the thought of causing Ghoul any more pain. Ghoul shuts his eyes in preparation.

Ghoul still nearly screams when Kobra dabs the alcohol over his wound. Kobra can see it in the way he holds his breath, the spring-tight tension in Ghoul's entire body. The only noise he makes is a quiet, drawn out whine, though. When a tear streaks down his cheekbone, Kobra catches it before a drop of salt can enter the wound.

"'Kay," he says in a ragged whisper. "That's done. Now I have to-" he gestures like he's sewing. Ghoul's eyes pop open to see what he's saying and he visibly forces himself to breathe again.

"'Kay," Ghoul says back in an equally torn up voice.

It only takes Kobra three tries to thread a needle. Medical supplies of any type are hard to come by, a whole new kind of commodity, but this stash has been here for as long as he can remember, just in case. Blaster burns, the most common injuries amongst 'Joys, come pre-cauterized. He's rarely had to sew sutures before.

Ghoul flinches back when the tip of the needle first touches the edge of his torn skin, and Kobra pauses. "Hold still," he grumbles, more out of familiar sniping than any real frustration at this point. He keeps his hand in Ghoul's hair the entire time he sews.

The feeling of a needle piercing flesh is horrible. The fact that it's his friend, someone he'd give his life for before seeing them hurt, is even worse. Kobra wants to fucking throatpunch whoever did this to Ghoul, or better, do the same thing to them, before he remembers with a sinking feeling in his stomach that Ghoul did this to himself.

He ties off the suture just barely keeping his hands from shaking. He doesn't know how Ghoul does this with bombs. Ghoul flinches again, violently, when Kobra cuts the excess line, and Kobra has to jerk back to keep from catching a flailing, uncoordinated fist in the face.

"Hey," he snaps. "Ghoul!"

Ghoul slips off the toilet lid and onto the floor almost as if he intended it but halfway as an accident and immediately curls in on himself. He pulls his knees to his chest and curls his arms around his head and Kobra can hear him hyperventilating. Kobra fucking freezes. He's used to fighting and wrestling and knee-jerk reactions that wind up with someone sporting a black eye. He is terrified right now. And there's still Ghoul's blood on his hands, too.

"Ghoul..." He cautiously reaches out, puts a hand on Ghoul's leg. Ghoul twitches, lets out a hiccupy sound that takes a moment to register in Kobra's mind as a sob. Ghoul, chaos loving, cackling Ghoul, is crying. And not just a single tear, now, his whole body is shuddering with the force of how hard he's crying. Kobra's heart is pounding with how hard he does not know what's happening, but he grips Ghoul's arm and lightly shakes him. "Hey, I'm still here, man."

Ghoul makes that keening whine again and Kobra thinks at first that he's going to pull away at best, or throw a real punch at worst. They fight enough, for any and no reason at all, that he expects it now. That's their normal. This isn't.

Ghoul scrambles to his knees, his hands finding the front of Kobra's shirt. This restroom is small, they're already in close quarters. But maybe unintentionally, maybe just scrabbling for a little purchase on anything, Ghoul winds up grabbing onto Kobra. And Kobra has always had a hard time letting anything go.

Ghoul's forehead crashes into his shoulder and Kobra instinctively puts his hands up, grabs back onto Ghoul in return. Ghoul's usual shaking is familiar to him, but the repressed wracking sobs aren't. Kobra clutches desperately around Ghoul's back, like he could hold together what he's just sewn up, like if he keeps Ghoul close enough he can't shake into pieces. No one should be able to break Ghoul. Not even Ghoul himself.

The edges of the cabinet dig into Kobra's back, but he ignores it. Ghoul is folding in on himself, making himself as small as he can against Kobra, and Kobra doesn't fucking know what to do. He's never seen Ghoul cry like this. He's never seen anyone cry like this.

"It hurts," cries Ghoul suddenly.

"I know," Kobra says, before he realizes that crying like this is probably making everything worse, that he'd worried about salt in the wound a minute before for this exact reason. He can't imagine the pain Ghoul is probably in.

"It didn't hurt at first," Ghoul mumbles, then chokes on a sob. "It didn't hurt when I started. And then it did."

Kobra wants to ask again, why? But he won't get anything intelligible. There's a part of him that doesn't want to know. He's terrified of knowing the truth. Instead, he threads his fingers through Ghoul's hair again and just repeats, "I know. I know."

A few minutes pass in speedy, spiraling silence. The only sound between them is their shared too-fast breathing.

"I can't," stammers Ghoul finally, after his cries have tapered out into raspy gasps. "I can't turn it on or off."

"Huh?" Is all Kobra can think to say. "Ghoul, you're not making sense, nothing about this makes sense," he snips, too quick and too tense. He's so beyond his depth. He wants Jet or Party to come help but he can't have it his way because he promised. He promised Ghoul. He wants to hit something. A wall, just to feel the impact. To imagine he's hitting whatever it is that hurt his friend so badly he hurt himself.

Ghoul sniffs. All Kobra can see of him is the top of his head and the cheek with the stitches. The wound is swollen and red and is going to leave a horrific scar. Kobra clenches his fist tighter behind Ghoul's back. "When I'm having fun or not," Ghoul says. "I can't. I am or I'm not. But."

"But what?" For fuck's sake, Kobra just wants to understand. He can read Ghoul like a book from cover to cover most times, and it scares him that he's so lost right now.

"It isn't good enough," he mumbles. "It's... It's in my fuckin' name, Kid, if I can't live up to that what am I?"

Kobra stares, wide-eyed, at the wall across from him. Something clicks. The clean cut through Ghoul's face, clearly from a recently sharpened knife, clearly intentional, reached from the corner of his lips almost to his ear. "Oh fuck no," he whispers. "Hell no. What the fuck. You're not-" He feels himself shaking suddenly, with restrained searing hot anger. Ghoul cut his head open, mutilated himself, to make himself permanently grin. "You're not fucking beholden to your fucking name," Kobra says. He never swears this much, only in his own mind. He's running out of words. "Fuck," he says, with feeling.

Ghoul shudders again. "I'm fuckin insane, aren't I?" He asks with sudden clarity.

It's exactly what Kobra had been thinking, for once completely unable to figure out Ghoul's mind, but he can't just say that. He can't just say that he's terrified because nothing makes sense and he's never going to freaking leave Ghoul alone again because this is all completely unhinged on so many levels that he can't even begin to sort through it. He can't say anything. He hopes Ghoul is sane enough to understand that, at least.

He just holds his friend tighter. He wants his brother more than anything right now, wants Party to come and take this weight out of his hands, but a part of him knows that even if he did, he wouldn't be able to let go of Ghoul. Why didn't Ghoul want anyone else but him? Why, after pretty much imprinting on Party like a feral kitten when they'd first met, to the point that sometimes Kobra thinks bitterly than Ghoul might know Party better than his own brother does, did he come to him? Why did he do any of this?

If a few tears of his own drip down Kobra's nose and land in Ghoul's tangled hair, no the hell they don't. He's never seen anyone go to pieces like this and he's struck dumb at the fact that it's literal. Very, very literally, Ghoul has gone to pieces. Taken a knife, that's probably still lying on the floor of his abandoned-office bedroom, and cut a line through his own cheek just so others might see a smile there.

There's crazy in his veins. Acid, maybe. And Kobra's always known that even if Party recognized it first. Watching your whole family die, failing to save your baby sibling, doesn't leave a person without any scars. Only, now, the scar is far too visible. Kobra's always known that Ghoul is more wild than any of them. Feral, unpredictable. He was raised by a pair of Killjoys who named themselves Hoot and Holler, and the thing is, a ghoul is just a ghost, and ghosts wail too. He should have known.

"I should've known," he says out loud, the first words in a while. He knows Ghoul so well. Better than he knows himself. He should have known something was wrong. He should never have left him alone. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He can't even blink. He stares hard at the opposite wall and tries not to scream.

Ghoul shakes his head against Kobra's shoulder and winces. "Nuh-uh," he mumbles. "I'm crazy, man. I'm insane." The fuzzy way it sounds around the stitches and the swelling just seems like proof. Just last night Ghoul's cheek was smooth and soft as he grinned across a table in triumph after winning a card game. How is it that that was just a few hours ago? He shudders again. "I'm scared," he says more quietly.

"Me too," Kobra says. As soon as the sun comes up he thinks he's going to storm out into the desert and find something, anything to beat up. Even a freakin cactus would do at this point. He doesn't know how he's going to explain this to Pois or Jet but he knows that much. He's gonna shake so hard he blows up, like a can of soda, unless he hits something. "I fucking hate you," he snaps suddenly.

Ghoul starts to flinch away, but Kobra doesn't let him. In fact, he curls tighter around him without even knowing why. "What the hell," Ghoul rasps.

Kobra hisses through his teeth. Speaking of living up to names. He fucking hates anyone who hurts his friends. But he can't say it. Hard as he tries, in the one moment of clarity about his own mind that he has, he can't speak.

"I fucking hate me, too," Ghoul says finally. The single dusty lightbulb above them flickers. If it goes out, they'll be in total darkness. Kobra thinks one or both of them might have a wicked eyeshine by now. The desert makes you wild. For some people, they're born that way.

"I think you're my best friend," Kobra finally manages to whisper. It isn't exactly what he was going for. It's not something he would ever say if he had thought of it before it popped out of his mouth. But Ghoul gets the point. Of course he does. Ghoul always gets his sharp edges, snakebite teeth and misspoken definitions and all.

"I think you're mine," Ghoul says back. "I'm-"

Kobra smacks the back of his head, like this is in any way normal, like they aren't collapsed on a dim bathroom floor in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning and like one of them isn't mutilated for life by his own hand. Like this isn't the worst thing they've ever gone through together. "If you say you're sorry again, I'll cut you myself."

It's rough, and it's torn up and pained and choked, but Ghoul laughs. Just a short bark of laughter, hardly like the dry, rasping cackle that Kobra knows so well. It sounds like agony but it also sounds like the sun coming up. Kobra makes a noise in the back of his throat, more whine than laugh, but he's so close to blowing up that it's as good as it gets. He wants to freaking die if that would keep Ghoul in one piece.

Ghoul shifts in Kobra's arms and pulls away just far enough to look him in the eye. He clumsily wipes at the tears and snot all over his face and Kobra has to snap a hand out to catch his wrist before he unthinkingly swipes at the fresh wound and stitches. "Kobra," Ghoul says, shivering in the dark. The sun won't take long to come up once it starts but until it does, the Zones are freezing. "Kobra."

"Yeah, man, I'm still right here." Kobra forces himself to look Ghoul in the eyes and not the stitches. The wound takes up so much of his face. It's all Kobra can see when he looks at Ghoul, his best friend's mutilated mouth, sliced open by his own hand. Kobra flinches just imagining it. He focuses instead on Ghoul's green eyes, boring holes into his head with the desperate pleading in them. "I'm still right here," Kobra repeats, quieter. Reminding himself, too.

Ghoul doesn't blink. Kobra doesn't blink. Their eyes reflect the dim light back at each other. This is what wild animals must feel for each other. Terror. Uncertainty. Just themselves, each other, and whatever comes. Ghoul licks his lips, tongue flicking briefly, visibly, to the corner of his mouth that he cut open. "Don't let me-" Ghoul starts and then falters. "You gotta make sure," he says. "Don't let me- do stupid shit like this, don't let me go crazy again, Kobra, please."

Kobra stares back at him, matching Ghoul's trembling desperation. He's known Ghoul since the day their crew found him, shell shocked between the shelves of an empty gas station with the bodies of his parents and previous crew around him. Perpetually shaking hands and feral bared teeth, animal eyeshine. No one can match Ghoul for determination, and no one knows Kobra as well as he does. Even if Ghoul does know his brother better than him, the same is true in reverse.

Kobra Kid has a hard fucking time ever letting go of anything once he's got it. Fun Ghoul holds on too loosely. They're both terrified. What a pair they make. But when Kobra Kid makes a promise, he means it. He grabs the ends of Ghoul's hair and pulls, not too hard, but hard enough. That's their normal. Play fighting and hair pulling, and they both know it's a kind of language for when they can't speak. "Okay," he says, and because it's a promise, he repeats it. "Okay."

#uhhhh anyway. come to killjoys world with me #I keep calling these two my mongoose and snake #they take out their worst on each other but at the same time it's like they were *made* for each other #also a few notes in the tags: kobra repeats himself a lot. that's intentional. it's because I do it irl #quite honestly at this point I might almost have a stutter?? #anyway also there's a TON of super vague song references in here. I almost called this ''a scar away from falling apart'' #but I couldn't stop thinking about that one boygenius song while I wrote this. would you still love me if it turns out I'm insane? #also the two(2) minor refs to famous last words!!!! #and very very loosely the ''what a pair they make'' line is bc what a catch donnie came up on my playlist right then #also this is WAY more swearing than I would usually write but... it just felt right? like it helped the flow?? and fit the characters? idk #ANYWHOMST. random danger days precanon fic. the girl isn't here yet. #she speaks! #HMMM do I need a writing tag for this blog? #she writes! #danger days #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #kobra kid #fun ghoul #K I think I've got it covered #wait trigger tags #self-harm tw #self mutilation tw

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, why hasn't anyone used Oliver saying he was approached about making Buck bi earlier and said that it was s2 when they cast Ryan and saw their chemistry and the idea of making an off hand comment of Buck bi in the beginning of season 2, which considering they introduced a whole sister we didn't know about could work, and that got blocked but the writers said "we're writing Buck and Eddie falling in love with each other anyway, we're just gonna go do it the hard way" and that's what's been going on? Because my Ryan got cast with a plan delusionland is thriving, my crops are flourishing. I'm never leaving. This is my truth now. No one can convince me otherwise.

#the shooting as a trigger is fun #but think bigger #and with the way Oliver and Ryan just CANT JUST UP #at this point i wouldn't even be surprised if when buddie gets together they go out and said yeah no #we always played them with this intentions in mind #thoughts thoughts thoughts #911

[lesbiradshaw]

theo and liam always getting paired together in 6b during episodes where all of the other storylines focus on couples going through stuff together is so funny because when you look at it, the only episode where they really get split up is genotype, which is one of the rare episodes where scott ISN’T paired with malia (because he’s with liam) and mason isn’t with corey (because he’s with theo) aka the canon love interests. like these episodes were cutting from shit like scalia almost dying together to thiam having intimate conversations about how liam processes emotions and morey saying i love you to thiam swearing that neither of them are dying for each other 😭 just very amusing to me. theo raeken: the accidental love interest.

#like 😭 #6b eps post theo getting kidnapped go pressure test -> triggers -> werewolves of london -> genotype -> 6.19 which i barely remember -> #then wolves of war aka the finale #pressure test: mason & corey are at deatons. theo shows up at the police station w everyone & shoves liam in the bathroom to berate him for #not being worried ab his own safety enough ??? 😭 & hes pretty much attached to liams hip in the group shots #also while theo & scott are outside doing their lil body bag trick malia and liam are pressed right against the window watching both of them #& during triggers we dont see corey but mason leaves theo & liam alone . & its a major bonding ep for them…. #while scalia are also having their major bonding moment when they both almost Die #then during werewolves of london theo just shows up at the school and they end up calling scalia for help 😭 #and again genotype breaks all the couples off from each other so its mason n theo / scott n liam / malia with her dad #and during wolves of war i literally laughed out loud because it bounces around from jethan to morey to thiam all having heart to hearts #not saying it was intentional but it was very funny framing TO ME #that ao3 tag thats like ‘they are dating in secret but only one is aware’ LIEKDJENEBR #they basically made theo liam’s love interest on accident just bcuz everyone else was already paired off w someone 😭 #thiam #saw someone the other day say they just dont get how people Came Up with thiam and its like #ok if you dont ship it whatever but if you say you cant see why youre just lying 😭 look at the material

[theotherrichardpapen]

AU where Josh manages to grab onto Nigel’s hand at the last moment that night on the train and both of them fall out. AU where Nigel has been dead the entire time but Alex Forbes doesn’t know that; where the trauma of watching his friend fall to his death combined with the realisation he was complicit in the death of another causes his mind to fracture.

He doesn’t remember making it back to his dorm room that night, only remembers waking up to the news that Josh and Nigel were was dead. All of Nigel’s things have been moved to another room, of course they have, because Nigel was gone, dead, all his fault, his fault trouble.

AU where Alex takes the train one night to the Colbie house because Nigel asks him to, because he feels this innate and intense need to try and better understand this boy he got killed; where he finds the card and the books and Nigel’s red bible, and begins to understand.

AU where the body of Susan turns up one morning, and the police question Alex about it, but there’s no way it was him, because he was late; he was late, and by the time he showed up at the cinema, she was waiting for him still, sweet Susan, with her kind eyes and kinder heart, she had waited for him and she didn’t even suspect anything until the very second before he struck gone.

AU where Alex finds the letter he wrote Nigel wrote, inviting him to his house that night, where Alex sees the Colbies arguing through the window; where he wrestles the gun from John and shoots him to kill him because he read the journals, knows that this man has been hurting Nigel his whole life and he wanted him dead protect Nigel.

AU where Nigel confronts Alex at the train yard that night, where he forces Alex to remember everything he did, everything Alex did; where he forces Alex to pull the trigger and kill off the version of Nigel he’s been carrying around in his mind, where Alex dies that night right along with him and Jack is born instead.

#types out the most incomprehensible batshit thing ever and posts it: haha you get what i mean? #this would've been a fic but i know i don't have the motivation to commit to that right now and it would've ended up abandoned #anyway . blame the crowded room for inspiring this . and then the dynamic between the narrator and tyler from fight club #and joe and rhys from s4 of you for driving it #does this actually even make sense ? to anyone that is not currently sharing the braincell with me ? #who knows #like minds #murderous intent #nigel colbie #alex forbes #doing some serious handwaving as to how this au would work for like . 60% of the movie. youd have to scrap the sally interview basically #also doing some serious handwaving as to whether josh's death is enough of a stressor to trigger a dissociative episode #especially one that results in development of DID #dont look at this post directly . only from a side angle . corner of your eye. thank you

[langernameohnebedeutung]

(I still don't like how after years of bring a right-wing buzzword to mock people, 'triggered' has just entered normal language as a way of saying upset)

#im not saying anyone or everyone who uses it these days has bad intentions #i just remember how it started by making fun of people with trigger warnings in their bios ( #(a lot like ye olde pronouns in bio) #and i personally-individually-just-me-myself-and-i have a hard time letting go