#it also helps that I'm emotional for destiel reasons and it put me in the right mood lol

[winterwrites23]

Omg I'm having a burst of inspiration and it feels amazing😭😭

#I miss that feeling #when you're finally in the mood to write something #it also helps that I'm emotional for destiel reasons and it put me in the right mood lol #tomorrow guys... it's november 5th... 3 years omfg

[thegeminisage]

i just read broken road and i enjoyed it immensely. i just see it differently (not exactly negatively) now knowing you once(?) shipped sam and dean. does that have any influence into it🤔 just simply wondering not interrogating u. i’m interested in that essay even

(prev ask)

ok, my essay is under the cut. it's very, very long. everybody please consider this your warning for inc*st ships if you'd rather not get into it

first point: actually, broken road was not in any way secretly influenced by any previous love of sam/dean, if that helps you any. i wrote it in post november 5th mode and you better believe i was not remotely capable of thinking about anything else. thank you for enjoying it! it's very very special to me and the time i spent working on it and posting it are genuinely some of my fondest memories. cringe <3

second point: to just honestly answer your question, since you're not interrogating me and not being an asshole (thank you and i'm not saying that sarcastically, i have gotten sooo many rude asks about this), my answer is, "eh." my favorite was sam/dean/cas (once he started being on the show) because i'm a cas girl first and foremost. and if i come across a fic where the premise looks good i might check it out, but i basically never actively seek it out bc my preference rn is strongly for destiel.

(that said i do like sam and dean's relationship a lot as brothers or as...whatever else, i'm mostly neutral as long as we don't leave cas out of things, AND i'm perpetually bitter about sam getting left out in the cold, so if i wanna read good sam fic, sometimes people who ship him with the other main characters will do a better job than making him the perpetual longsuffering butt of the slash joke. same goes for early seasons spn fic: sometimes the sam/dean writers just do a better job. i very rarely get the hankering though because i like late seasons, such as season 13, who is my best friend. i think sam got pushed to the side SO STRONGLY that sometimes people sometimes subconsciously associate him being written well or mattering at all to dean beyond functioning as dean's accessory and/or proof/the catalyst of dean's traumatic upbringing with w*ncest. because otherwise they see him as a minor character (?!?!), and why are you bringing this minor character up so much if you're not secretly shipping him with dean, The Main Character? god, does anybody remember when SAM was the main character?? sorry there is truly not enough punctuation in this paragraph.)

now for the actual essay: i do get a little irritated/confused with how much pearl-clutching people do about sam/dean. like, this is EASILY the most harmless of the "problematic" ships. they're consenting adults, barring some tropes and genres i would not like to read nor discuss. and before cas came into the scene (and sometimes even after) we got baited just as hard for the two of them. it was weird and unsettling because the nature of inc*st is that it's often weird and unsettling. their dynamic is unhealthy and codependent and that's part of their appeal in whatever form. people who get the heebie jeebies because it's "problematic" are missing the point. there are also weird and unsettling vibes between dean and john, because that was part of the abuse. that actually played into broken road way more than any sam/dean stuff. he was a bad father and he made dean his backup wife and there was probably some emotional inc*st happening CANONICALLY. we all watched that in the show right?? but for some reason talking about that is fine and talking about whatever sam and dean have going on gets you put on block lists. because sometimes sam/dean fics are just for fun and whenever we talk about john we have people in fics punching him out or killing him. like we have to point our fingers at john and go "THAT'S BAD" loudly enough to ensure everyone else that we're above moral criticism. it's like. weirdly thought police-y. (and tbh, that's part of what inspired broken road - i was looking for nuance re: john and couldn't fucking find any because of this weird black-and-white mentality fandom has developed.)

and it's so hypocritical sometimes! i remember deancas stuff used to have "w*ncest fans dni" banners all over it, in the guise of protecting and standing with survivors, but when actual survivors would say things like "actually those banners just remind me of everything all over again" they would mostly get ignored?? it was so performative, like this kneejerk reaction of promising everybody YOU know what's bad so you won't get ostracized. my tastes don't usually run very dark so most of the sam/dean i wrote or read was way less unhealthy than, say, whatever lestat and louis have going on in iwtv. but nobody's making blocklists of iwtv enjoyers because that would be insane? there's just a little bit of cognitive dissonance happening i think.

like, obviously, yes, in real life inc*st pretty much always speaks to something having gone extremely wrong in someone's life and a dynamic being extremely unhealthy at best, but in fiction it is possible for it to be consensual, even if it is a little fucked up or the people involved are a little damaged.

(warning for discussion of rape fic from here down) i'm not actually totally anti-censorship though. i do firmly believe there are some types of fiction people shouldn't write! i wouldn't read parent/child anything, or any kind of rape fic unless it's tastefully engaging with the aftermath of something like that. sam/dean just seems so, so tame to me in comparison to some of the other stuff fandom has come up with. in 2014-2016 people used to write a thing called hydra trash party, which was just porn of bucky barnes being gang-raped by hydra agents. ie nazis. and half the time he was headcanoned as jewish. like??? can you even GET more tasteless than that??? i hated that shit (and i still do, deeply). i talked about how much i hated it all the time and people would come after me like "well who are YOU to censor other people? what if the authors are survivors working through their own trauma? you can't ask authors to disclose that kinda stuff if they want a license to write graphic nazi rape porn!" i got literal hate mail about it. equal but opposite energy of those dni banners - both people claiming it was "about survivors" to justify doing, uh, whatever they wanted. it's just fucking wild to me that in less than a decade my stance of "i don't care what people write if everybody is a CONSENTING ADULT," while not changing at all whatsoever, moved from being too prudish to being too problematic.

another side tangent (sorry, you did ask) is that i was a slash writer on FFN in the video game and anime fandoms during the late 00s (ironically, quite a lot of straight men there) and holy mother of god...the kind of shit comments i would get for putting two dudes kissing in the same fic, even though it was PLASTERED with disclaimers. i felt like the mob was after me sometimes lol. and that's sort of the way i felt once those w*ncest asks started. i remember back in the peak of post nov 5 stuff if i like, reblogged art or gifs from certain blogs people would write in to tell me that person was a sam/dean shipper so i'd take down my (gen, non sam/dean) post. i felt paranoid (and still feel paranoid) reblogging GEN sam & dean content because i'm worried people will take it the wrong way. i actually deleted one from my drafts earlier today - i'd been thinking about it but then i got your ask and decided against it, lol. what a way to live! especially in fandom, which is (and i hate to politicize it this way but it's true) a queer-adjacent space that's supposed to be free of the kind of judgment you'd get for not being a normie irl.

on FFN, one of the many pairings i wrote for actually involved an underaged teenager and and an adult. but as i was the same age as that teenager at the time, and had a crush on that adult character and toootally wanted to marry him, i couldn't see what was wrong with pairing them together. like i quite literally did not know better. it's a pairing that actually disgusts me now, lol. if people now could send me asks about what i did back then to try and "gotcha" me (they can't because it's all been deleted) i'd be really pissed about it, because you can't continue to punish people after they've learned and grown. everyone's been so terribly kind about broken road, and there's this real fear of losing or tainting something so special and wonderful just because people have a problem with the fics you read or wrote a decade ago. it sucks. i do think there's a line (like, maybe don't write nazi rape porn, also whatever was going on with that j2 haiti fic), but i also think we've got to try at least a little not to reinvent puritanism on fandom websites of all places. that's wack.

and man, i know i said it already, but i just keep coming back to w*ncest being SO TAME? like it doesn't compute that someone would get icked out over CONSENSUAL sam/dean and meanwhile ship for example rowena/ketch like he didn't torture her or sam/lucifer because they like mark pellegrino like lucifer isn't sam's fucking rapist. and not even get "in trouble" for it. it boggles the mind.

and like, idk. i initially got my hackles up at your ask because it's 1 of a million, and i could dodge the questions by taking down the one sam/dean/cas fic on my profile ig, but that fic is how i met a good friend of mine and she'd be sad if i were to take it down, so i don't want to have to, and i shouldn't have to. you know??

my final thought: i've been writing fanfic for 20 years. 20 years ago when i started writing fic sam/dean would have been unacceptable because it's two men. 10 years ago it was fine because they were the ONLY two men, and every woman in supernatural got bullied off of the show, and people writing het got hatemail. now it's unacceptable again because of the inc*st. 10 years from now, who knows what will happen? so i try to base my morals on what i feel i can live with as a person rather than what a bunch of people on the internet (i'm not including you in that) tell me what i can or can't do, or should or shouldn't do.

i really hope this answer doesn't like, ruin broken road for you, or anyone else. i don't think of myself As A W*ncest Shipper at all, but neither do i deny that i used to be, and i certainly don't have any problem with (again) keyword CONSENTING keyword ADULTS in fanfic now, even if they do happen to be siblings ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i just hope that like someday we find a middle ground where we can live and let live but also have enough sense not to write nazi erotica. if that's problematic of me, so be it 😔✊

#liz answers asks #anonymous #really really really long. sorry. this has been bothering me for literal years #absolutely no way i could have expressed these thoughts directly post nov 5th during the spn revival #without people hunting me for sport lol #so if nothing else at least i got to get it off my chest

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

gods sometimes I hate that I can't think about Palestine, about everything going on in the world, 24/7.

I ask myself "well why not? why not just think about that stuff and school and chores? why does fUCKING FANDOM and special interests eat your life and personality like this? don't you have any empathy?"

and I know the answer. I know its because there have been MANY times in my life where I've taken my own advice and tried to think about "the issues" 24/7. I became a total asshole. angry, stupid, often self-destructive. I didn't make any change or contribution besides starting fights with strangers online, and any effort I DID make to contribute irl just led to so many messes that the people who were actually helping then had to step aside and clean up.

the times I'm most capable of help are when I'm able to keep a balance between awareness of the problems in the world, with other stuff (both fandom and just like... homework n shit). it feels SO wrong and SO un-natural to actively prioritize fandom, but I've tried the "right" way so much and been such a dick and done a good bit of harm.

and I've tried the "wrong" way this past year and done more good/participated more than ever.

results speak for themselves.

and ik everyone does activism differently.

I'm obviously not gonna break any boycotts, holy shit no. I'm still attending protests and making posters/art for local activist movements and doing what I can when I can.

its just so tempting to put 99.99999% of myself into REALLY feeling that grief and rage and helplessness... but again. I know, yknow?

I know how that ends. I may feel righteous and empathetic and, honestly, Cool(tm), but I'm not doing shit for anyone

if mainlining destiel into my brainstem lets me show up for protests and make art and do all of that while NOT being a total bag of dicks...

ugh. it just feels fucking weird

(& yes, I did try the "really feel it, no self-anesthetizing with fandom and no distancing myself from it on purpose" approach as recently as this fall. after physically forcing myself to not send threats to kill strangers' pets, exposing my unmasked face to cameras while chalking a govt building, being kinda socially inappropriate and considering vandalism, i realized that it does in fact still make me an asshole.)

like I feel guilty about purposefully distancing myself for these issues, but also simultaneously understand from past experience that this is the best way for me to make actual, meaningful contributions. its weird.

if i go full-in on Understanding(tm) it, I FEEL morally/spiritually superior, and sure, it MIGHT make me a better activist, but years of experience tell me that, despite how I'm perceiving myself in that moment, it wont.

if I keep distancing myself, ie LITERALLY PURPOSEFULLY seeking out fandom/yt brainrot/Shiny Happy Things to AVOID thinking about it, I do more. I'm involved more, go to more protests, meetings, talk to friends about it.

...that is the reverse of how those things should work.

I think this may be the same kind of reason I don't do existentialism or organized religion. there are some things, really deep or emotional things, that if I think abt them too hard I get stuck EXTREMELY far up my own ass in how I can "only" think of these things or else I'm "awful"

but that's it. its all just thinking. and feeling. and not acting.

...I guess I'll go back to obsessing over my little shows and ships, making actual contributions to anti-genocide, anti-colonialism, pro-palestine efforts

and wondering why the FUCK I'm like this.

...also ok tbh my desire for some kind of moral or spiritual depth/fulfillment/righteousness/forgiveness???? via immersing myself in the experience of VICTIMS OF ONGOING GENOCIDE to try to understand their experience is uhhh

creepy.

especially given that its at the direct detriment of my actual activism and to the emotional harm of peers and fellow activists.

yeah hm actually that is just kind of creepy. and not helpful.

#tw personal #personal #tw vent #vent #rant #tw rant #palestine #activism #internal struggles #i keep thinking im lying to myself just to have an excuse to not care #but looking at my activism when i engage “fully” vs when i dont #the difference is STAGGERING. “not engaging fully” seems to lead to much fuller engagement and idfk WHY #i think theres a part of me that sees stuff happening and ppl suffering and goes “I HAVE TO FIX THAT. I. ME.” #“if i cant fix that now. i can actually. it hurts too much” #and that part of me is rly self-destructive and not a team player #that part of me can stay in fandom. so the more grounded and collaborative part of me can do activism. #i am NOT. a GOOD PERSON. to LEAD THINGS #but IF i engage with these issues fully. I WILL TRY. and it will go POORLY. #Get My Head Out Of My Ass hours

[wigglebox]

I can't understand your positivity all the time, but especially for this. It sounds so boring, and it's not at all what we wanted.

well okay so like — i work a very stressful job. I have to deal with a job that's very fast paced, very "put your walls down so you don't get emotional"

Fandom is my happy place. SPN is a show that I love to bits and pieces. Good and bad.

So when things happen, I default to trying to find the silver linings. I don't want to call it toxic positivity because I don't think I"m doing anything harmful, but I don't want to be upset in a place I wanted to be happy in. that's why. the finale was so sad to me because I did find myself being salty and grumpy (though now i love it but for very specific arbitrary reasons).

so when i hear we're getting new content with a good writer with the former lead as the producer I'm kinda like ... here for it.

i also just never want to judge a story before i can actually see it from beginning to end, so that's also driving my positivity.

and it can sound boring to you for sure, that's fine! i just want to be the person to point out that we don't actually know what it's going to entail right now so it's hard to judge too much. i think folks see 'john winchester' and kill bill sirens go off in their head, which is fine. he really was a jackass in the show.

but all i ask folks is to think a little bit about what all of what we're going to get will be in terms of the show. more information about mary and hunting and that side of the family. what pushed her to finally want to have a family and get out of hunting? what about john. what about Vietnam? a john pre-mary's death for sure will be interesting because we know cupid set them up and their marriage wasn't perfect. we know nothing about john's side of the family other than henry. also what kind of lore, stories, background can they give us and add to this universe that can help wayward and a continuation? what tools does this series provide? also it's robbie thompson, not bucklemming. is one of the parents going to be queer? will there be destiel parallels?

so that's why I'm positive all the time lol. i like the show, and i want to see more of the show.

#long post #idk if this make ssense i'm half awake at work right now #spn

[magnificent-winged-beast]

We’re doing the picture of Cas crying when he confessed to dean for mishapocalypse

Ok.

You have all the right to do whatever you want in your blog or with your icon.

I personally will not. Here are my reasons:

That image of him still painful to watch.

Why choose that image on the first place?

What is the real purpose of the Mishapocalypse?

Who decided to choose the first annoying image for the first Mishapocalypse?

Knowing now that THAT PARTICULAR IMAGE of Misha isn't liked by him because its from an specific painful experience/time for him. Why are people who declares to love him still using it?

Isn't it possible that even the idea of the Mishapocalypse was created from a Misha hater with the soul purpose of paint this, again, awful and bad memory image of him all over tumblr helped by herd thinking?

AND NOW INCIDENTALLY another awful image/still of him, charged with such a bad memories is demanded as herd movement to be used for this spontaneous New Mishapocalypse.

And now my unrequited analysis of this new still/image that the "masses" demand to be used for this Mishapocalypse.

This particular still its a memory for all of us of how Castiel sacrificed himself for love, and we can also read that here Misha is looking for the last time to his beloved husband friend Jensen acting as Dean on screen. And knowingly that this will be the very last time they will do this together.

Its charged with emotion that could be interpretate as bad because the general feels for all that love we have for Castiel in the first place, and then Misha by extention. Also remains to be the very portrait of a wonderful Canonization of Destiel but still managing to be painfully homofobic for the way HE HAD TO GO AND NEVER RETURNED AGAIN after saying all of this things to Dean. *sights*

Now, if I were to understand the purpose of this "movement" called Mishapocalypse and as an eager fan of Mr. Collins I want to participate.

I will probably choose one of this two images:

First I apologize for the quality, its 7am of January 1st and I refuse to leave the confort of my bed and cats all over me to capture a better quality image.

This one is from the same moment. It's one of my favorites because is showing Castiel at peace and happy to offer his life for a better cause.

He is not only sacrificing himself for love, he is choosing to die instead of the better soldier whom he knows will win the final battle.

Or yet another proposal I dare to make additional to the other two I already proposed.

It's iconic and from a great moment /cause when tumblr not only banned our p0rn, but with their stupid guidelines tried to sensor the human body and all the art people create here that isn't necessarily erotica.

But, as I stated in the beginning of this long first of the year answer Ask (new resolutions of keeping the inbox updated) whatever YOU nonny or others decide to participate or join to do as a way of celebration for the existence of Misha Collins? (to be honest, I'm still fussy on the purpose of the Mishapocalypse)

It's your prerogative and you must do whatever you wish to express any warmth and fuzzy feelings you have for Dmitry.

Let me tell you what I will be doing on the next April's Mishapocalypse and I did yesterday when I was summoned to this impromptu Mishapocalypse.

I donated to THE TREVOR PROJECT

As you can read here, for a lazy person like me that is at the moment blessed to be able to give some money, its a feel good sensation to read the effort I put in clicking and choosing to save this money to a whorty cause:

Finally. And to be clear.

Whatever you nonny choose to do its ok by me, and whomever reads this, my first post of the year. This is not trying to be a lecture in how to interpret or do whatever you choose to perceive or understand THE MISHAPOCALYPSE REPRESENTS. But I need to say my piece about these "controversial images" we are choosing to celebrate this tumblr holiday?

I'm only sharing here what I AM choosing to do. Again, because I'm lazy and I could also help at this local animal help group that need kennels to be cleaned and dogs to be cared for, that eventually I will, I promise.

So if this post inspired you (because this is my main target, not just to flaunt how good of a person I am, because of Misha of course) to do the same and celebrate Misha's existence but can't afford to give money. There are plenty things to do for your fellow neighbors and if you have been playing attention to the Overlord, any small act of kindness can make a difference for ALL OF US.

In the end, we all are just his minions, following his evil plan, so if you never did any small act of kindness before, you can blame it on him and proudly say:

Misha made me do it 😁

#Misha Collins #Mishapocalypse #The imagen controversy #And my lack of understanding about this tumblr holiday? #as you can see #I'm adding a question mark after every guess... Because I still not sure #Do whatever you want for the Mishapocalypse #But dont ask me to join the masses and use an image that it charge with pain for me #Let celebrate Misha's life or example #That's my submission and proposal for this year #Peace #... And yes there is a hit on cockles in here #im trash #Proud jenmish trash still

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CXI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

My Dearest Friend

(14x04)

Hi again! I'm bringing another meta to this collection, this time I will only talk about 14x04 because it was full of subtext we need to disect slowly.

Link to my metas from this episode X; X; X; X.

What if...?

This episode was written by Perez. This writer is always exploring the possibility of Dean coming out from the closet.

The dumb excuse given by Sam about why he hates Halloween, is a symbolic description of Dean's inner fears. Pay attention to it:

SAM: When I was in sixth grade we were living in Bismarck and I had a huge crush on her.

DEAN: Aw, that’s adorable. Continue.

SAM: So, she invited me to her Halloween party. I said yes and I went over and at first everything was great, um, and then we started to play games.

DEAN: Spin the bottle.

SAM: Bobbing for apples. Like I said, I had a crush so the entire night my stomach was in knots and when it was my turn I bent down and… (...) …hurled, everywhere. Lunch, dinner it all came up, on Andrea mostly. People ran and screamed and it was so bad.

DEAN: Ah that’s great.

SAM: I ended up hiding out in the woods till you finally came and got me.

"If Dean would confess all that makes him sick inside, all the trauma, all his fears (and I'm gonna include here the "getting out the closet" bc it seems like Perez begins to explore this item in this chapter) if Dean would do that, barfing everything out, how would people react? How Sam would react? Would be disgusting? Scandalous? If he confess his fears, if he confess he is in love of Cas, an angel in a man vessel, would Sam be ok with that?"

I wrote all of this about that symbolism, and this is also connected to some episode at the second half of the season 15 in which we will see Dean gagging and characters vomiting. I remember back then I was sure it had to do with Dean confessing his feelings to Castiel. I must say it was related to Dean trying to do it but writers and CW silencing him.

After that we had Dean naming queer couples to his brother Sam, this scene had the same target that Sam's excuse about Halloween. Dean was tasting waters with his brother if he would decide to come out from the closet.

Gif credit @itsokaysammy

Now, let's explore why Dean was missing his angel in this episode.

So Handsome, So Angry

This entire episode was a reflection of Dean's mind and it brought an important foreshadow: SAM AND CAS GETTING INSIDE DEAN'S HEAD HELPING HIM TO RELASE HIMSELF FROM AU! MICHAEL.

That's why the whole episode was color coded and full of symbolism.

If you don't know about my color coded meta, please check at the beginning of this analysis, where I put all the links. Blue represents Castiel, Green and Red represents Dean (healing!Dean and toxic!Dean) and yellow is Sam. The colors had their meaning, like blue is related to protection and wisdom, green is new life and red anger, yellow is knowledge and insightful mind.

Now, let's check Stewart first apparition in the episode. He has a Panthro in his hands...

STUART: Whoa, 15 inch megascale Panthro. So handsome, so angry.

This is screaming CASTIEL. Foreshadowing their break up and how angry will be Castiel with Dean.

Because we are inside Dean's mind, we have STEWART (Toxic!Dean) DIRK (Healing!Dean) and Sam is Sam, Dean's reason.

Now... Keep in mind Pantro sending Stewart to the hospital (a fight between Toxic!Dean and Castiel coming up) and also this entire scene at the beginning of the episode...

Dean had been in his room for two weeks, Sam goes to see him, worried. Dean is depressed after the Possession, but he will name a couple of things that are bothering him...

DEAN: Well, since when is okay part of this job, huh? Yeah, Cas is you know, showing Jack the ropes and Dark Kaia and her spear are in the wind and we have no clue where Michael is or what he’s up to. And not that I’m complaining, but the house is full of strangers, so.

These insights are from my metas. As I put above, Mint Condition had a lot of what I like to call Indirect Castiel representation.

Mostly because Dean mentioned him at the beginning letting us know he is horribly missing his angel.

So, the whole episode will bi him Castiel as memories.

Including the colors. When Dirk is talking about Stuart, how they eat pizza and watch movies and how special their friendship is, Dean has this fond expression on his face and the whole scene is showered in blue color.

Guess in who's Dean thinking about?

Inside of Dean's mind

Always based on the colors, is very important to understand all the monsters that will appear throughout the season are representing Dean's toxicity and AUMichael (which is the symbolic icon of Dean's fears and toxicity).

Remember episode 13x05 in which i pointed at a picture in the kid's room (Advanced Thanatology) well, that pic was foreshadowing this season, and mostly, this monster:

Of course is in red because red is Dean's toxic behavior.

We also had Stuart dressed with a red t-shirt with a Godzilla Squirrel. Because is Toxic Dean, who sees himself as a monster.

Also, the morgue scene...

We can see in the first picture, the fear in Dirk when this "world" starts to tremble, at the inevitable arriving from the "monster". This is Dean's mind, he has so much fear of his own thoughts, guilty and negative feelings, and he doesn't feel secure in his own raped mind.

The second one is more about it... We see corpses, representing two things: beloveds who died, trauma (I'm including the resent Castiel's death) and the second is all the death he thinks he provoked when he was possessed by Michael.

Then we have color yellow, representing wisdom , honesty and Sam too. Then the horror... The "monster" is still in there. He must to win this battle.

All of this represents Dean's emotional prison, his inner fight to break free from AUMichael, and we will see it in 14x10.

So the war Dean fights inside of him is between his inner fears and toxicity. Also, Sam and Sam, Dean's reason, will be locked by the monster. (The fears caging Dean's ability to think) but they will be break free successfully thanks to a mix of colored liquids (yellow, green, red an blue) TFW working together to help Dean to release himself. And also using this...

Scooby Doo box is representing Dean's innocence, healing!Dean.

Miscellaneous: A very colorful visual elements was the figures of Superman and Lois Lane in the background in the comic store protected by a glass. When the monster arrived the glass began to freeze. This was a foreshadow of the Destiel fight and break up.

To Conclude:

This episode had a lot of elements that talked about Castiel, because it was a symbolic representation of Dean's mind. And Castiel is centric in Dean's life.

Also, this episode it's connected to 14x10 and Dean's emotional prison.

Hope you liked this meta, see you in the next one.

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @dizzypinwheel @horsez2002 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @belacoded @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @deancasgirl777

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season here you have the links:

Vol. CIX and CX

Buenos Aires, May 2nd 2021, 3:13 PM

#destiel chronicles #destiel #destiel meta #supernatural meta #season 14 meta #14x04 meta

[espejonight28738]

15×09 "The Trap" Meta

Warning: As always, Destiel and Saileen positive so don't like don't read.

OMG guys I can't even this episode was something else. Like, for real.

First of all, it looks like I was right about Eileen being part of Chuck's plan.

"I helping to Sam the Bunker. To Sam. To Romance." Thanks Chuck for proving me right, but if you could please not hurt my baby Eileen and Sam while you do it would be awesome ;-;

Now if only I could be in the right about the happy ending...

But whatever. Let's talk about the prayer first, because I could talk about it for hours. Everything was so wonderful.

First, when Dean looks he only have 29 minutes left to find Cas, you could see all the trauma resourfaced. You could see how he was imagining ending up without Cas again. Having to go back home (although he didn't seem to be going to the portal when right before he found Cas, but I have no certainty about it) and leave Cas behind, and he imagined himself reliving the guilt and the hallucinations and the hopelessness.

[Gif by the amazing @agusvedder because I want you to look at him and tell me that ain't the look of a man who just imagined losing the love of his life again]

And, above all, Dean imagined having to live through it all knowing he never fixed their relationship. Rowena's words about not waiting until it was too late must have been ringing in his ears. And he knows that he needs Cas to know.

Purgatory's pureness gave him a new understanding of his emotions, and I'm not talking about the anger (it's obvious Dean already knew he had that problem), but the need for Cas.

"Cas, buddy, I need you." That same need, mixed with the possibility of losing Cas yet once again was enough for Dean to just break down in the middle of a land of abominations.

And the first thing he says. "I should've stopped you." Can you see how he is telling us we were right all along? Cas said "I left but you didn't stop me." And now Dean knows he could have.

If he had tried to talk, if he had asked Cas to stay, maybe he wouldn't have left. Dean put himself through that depression (the even heavier drinking, comfort food, the coldness) .

[And as an author note. How was that real? "You didn't stop me/I should've stop you" The Brontë sisters WISH they could write that levels of angsty romance.]

And, having Dean finally admitting to his very real anger issues gives me very high hopes for everything else. It's not like his problem will disappear, it does was kinda beaten into him, but having him admitting it is recognizing it as a standing problem between Dean and a Happy Future, so we can assume that will be another one of the problem they'll tackle in the rest of the season.

(Or maybe they'll forget about it. But s15 has been so good until now that I'm hoping they won't ignore it.)

And Dean calling Cas his best friends. Holy mother of God. I know I made several jokes about it, but it truly is so significant. Because words like "Family" and "Brother (and sister for Charlie)" are ones Dean had given other people. But Best Friend is only for Cas, it puts him in a special place in Dean's live no one else shares.

Maybe it's not exactly the place we want him to be in (yet), but the fact alone that they recognize once again how Dean and Cas' relationship is different to the one they have with anyone else.

So when did found Cas and said "Okay, Cas, I need to say something", I agree we wasn't about to repeat his prayer.

The Prayer (the fact that Dean got on his damn knees, for god's sake) was a moment of absolute vulnerability and emotion. Dean grew up in with a "no emotions" mentality tought to him by John, and so we seldom see him show this kind of raw vulnerability by choice. Considering that the Winchesters (as always, I include Jack and Cas in there) are an experts in 'I screw up and you got angry but then we had a bigger problem so we kinda left it behind us bc we are family and I love you anyway, or we just move on without never really discussing it' but not in actually apologizing, I would go as far as to say this was probably the most heartfelt apologize we've seen in the series.

I've watched the scene like a million times, and he just carries an attitude of doing something big. Like a big reveal, not like repiting himself.

Because he knew Cas heard him. The reason he said "I hope you can here me, that wherever you are, it's not too late" it's 'cause he was afraid Cas had died. That is was really too late. Once he saw Cas was alive? I don't think Dean doubted for a second Cas had heard him. He was hoing to say something else.

Cas clearly didn't want to take the risk of Dean telling him what he truly wanted to hear- what he had wanted for years. The risk of his deal with the Empty hovering behind hime. He couldn't be so selfish as allowing himself to hear it, just to abandon Dean right after.

Then Cas interrupted him.

Or abandoning Sam when he was at God's mercy, or leaving the World SavingTM to them. He couldn't. Dean doesn't even now about the deal.

I cannot tell you how much I loved it. Not in a "I want this to happen" way, of course not, but in what it means.

That's why Dabb said this episode wasn't the resolution. There's still much unsaid between them, if you believe there is an 'I love you' somewhere there. I think that's what has my hopes the highest. Because if they are only bff, then why didn't this solve everything? What is left hanging? I don't want to clown but it's literally the only thing that makes sense in my opinion.

And now, let's talk about the future Sam saw.

Sam and Dean don't need only each other to be happy, they need other people. That's basically what that future said.

"What's happened to you Dean? Ever since..."

"Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we ever cared about?"

[There is like a 2 second pause here that I feel very important andd significant. The separation between what 'everyone' and 'Cas']

"Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in Ma'lak box? Ever since then? Yeah." [Jfc you can hear it pains him to say Cas' name]

"Bobby had a death wish and you know it. And Jody? Ever since what happened to Donna and the girls, she does too.

And after Eileen? So do you."

He's acknowledging everyone's breaking point. Jody's was Donna and the girls (we don't know exactly which one was the last straw, as we know that at least in Claire's case they died at different times). Sam's was Eileen. His was Cas.

And he is very clear in that. We can't know what happened first, but we know that Sam asks what happened to *him* and he says it was Cas going crazy. It was having to bury Cas alive what made him lose all hope. Because at least he can hope they ones dead can find pace, but Cas? Dean, and for how he said it he probably did it alone, had to bury Cas knowing he was going to be there for the rest of the time. Suffering alone. Dean knows how it's like to have the Mark.

That broke Dean. And having Sam wasn't enough to put him back together.

And after Eileen somehow died again, Sam just stop caring about living, he just care about taking down as many monsters as he can before he dies. 'Death wish' Dean called it. He would know about that, he is Dean "You wanna die" Winchester, after all.

Having Dean wasn't enough for Sam to want to keep on living.

"We lost, brother. We lost. I'm done."

They still have each other? Yes. Is that remotely enough? No. That's what the future told us. They need more than each other, they need other people.

But there was a little something else that made it even more beautiful.

"The Dean who raised me [...]"

Let's be clear about something, I think the show never gives enough recognition for having raised same pretty much by himself since he was 4 years. The situation was totally unfair to Dean and yet he never once took it out on Sam, he just look out for him, cooked for him, and make sure he could be as much of a child as the situation allowed, that is a lot more than Dean ever could. In his own words, he wasn't just a brother, he was also a father and a mother.

I just want to cry for thinking how hard that was for both brother. And Sam knows it, even if he doesn't always acknowledges. So the fact that he chose the words "the Dean that raised me" when "the Dean that I know", for example, would have conveyed the sentiment as well, is significant.

They wanted to remember how important they are for each other, how much they love each other. They don't dismiss that, they are making sure we remember that, at the same time they are telling us the alone aren't enough for a happy ending.

They are telling us what we need for a True Happy Ending.

Dean and Sam still being close brothers and loving each other, but allowing themselves to love and need other people.

Okay I'll go to the point.

A HAPPY ENDING IS SAM AND THEN HAVING OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LOSING EACH OTHER.

A HAPPY ENDING IS THE END OF THE TOXIC CODEPENDENCY AND THE START OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THAT INCLUDES THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

You guys now I've been saying they are hinting at it since my meta of "The Rupture" but this ain't foreshadowing THEY ARE SCREAMING IT. Like I can't come up with a radically different interpretation.

So this episode only got my hopes for endgame Saileen and Destiel (the destiel maybe not at canon as the saileen, but heavily hinted at least) even higher. Specially for the parallel with Eileen having Dean's doubts ("I don't know what's real") and Sam making kinda answering the same ("We are"/"I know that was real"). Btw I'll be screaming because of that for the rest of my days.

[BONUS: Random questions I can't seem to answer.

Does the angels even know God's going bersek? I mean, Belphegor didn't know it was God the one who broke hell... but even Lilith's been brought back. Do they know Micheal's back? God I don't know.

Was that really a possible future? Or it does was like a Zacharaiah tactic? Why does Chuck's abscence makes monster go crazy? Wasn't the point that it didn't unblanaced the powers?

Story-wise, why ain't Cas in next episode?

Was that the last mention of Claire? An off-screen hypotetical death? Please someome let me see my girl again.]

Tagging: @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @legendary-destiel @that-one-fandom-chick @studio-hatter

#supernatural meta #spn s15 #spn 15×09 #dean winchester meta #sam winchester meta #destiel meta #destiel #saileen #eileen leahy #castiel meta #my metas

[waywardbeanie]

Hey, I've got a favour to ask. Could you post this. I'd really like to know, so if you've got a theory I'd like to hear it and if not maybe you followers can help. Thanks in advance, so here goes:

I honestly really think everyone is allowed and supposed to decide on their own whether they believe that Destiel is a platonic/brotherly relationship or a romantic one (onesided or reciprocated). But can anyone explain to me how in a platonic sense only to tell Dean he loves him can be Castiels true happiness (as the Empty put it). I mean sure if I'm IN love with you I get it but to tell a friend you love them - I just don't see how to tell someone you platonically love them could be the best you ever hoped for and make you fully happy.

PS: I'm really not trying to say it's wrong to think otherwise. I'd just like to understand. So tell me your thoughts please.💙💚

I will say I have stayed away from this entire conversation for a reason. However, if you are brave enough to ask me then I will be brave enough to answer. This is only my opinion and I am only sharing because you specifically asked me. I do believe everyone has the right to ship whatever they want. It’s their ship, not mine, and has no effect on me and I encourage people to love what they love.

My theory is that that this is a familial love between Cas and Dean and here is my reasoning. They have said from the beginning that the biggest difference between angels and humans is the ability to feel emotion. It is my belief that when angels are in heaven that (in general) they are nonbinary and asexual until they come to earth and inhabit a humans body. If you remember Cas really struggled with the human emotion until he began to open himself up to it. He has been accused many times by other angles or being on earth for too long and having emotions.

When Cas was in heaven he knew loyalty, commanding others, and following orders himself, there was no emotion or sexualized feelings involved. The three times I can remember Cas’ sexuality coming into play was when he had sex with the angel who tried to kill him (I believe he was graceless at the time), when he kissed Meg and when Dean time jumped into the future and he was leading hippy orgies (he was also human at that time as well). Each time he was more human than angel, but I digress.

He loves Dean, Sam, and Jack but Dean is his best friend. We have seen that over and over throughout the seasons. They have been through so much together and separately. All of them at times sacrificing themselves for the good of the remaining. All of this to say, although Cas is in the male vessel of Jimmy Novak I believe inside he is still an asexual being. I know he loves Dean as his best friend and the only love he has ever known (see above regarding human emotion) I believe the love for him has no bounds and as he has shown even in the end that he is willing to sacrifice himself for Dean.  Because he loves him, as a brother and this show has shown us over and over that brothers will sacrifice themselves for brothers.

I’m not sure this is the answer you were looking for and honestly, it was a longer answer than I was going to give. You asked for my opinion so there it is but the bottom line it’s my opinion and people can ship whoever they want. Lots of love to those who chose to read this long drawn out answer of an opinion that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. xx Shel

[incarnateirony]

*chef's kiss* Your "honk honk" seems of a different... attitude. I can't help but think you got information, and I wonder if it's the "‘Supernatural’ Boss on Season 15’s ‘Chance to Let Both Boys Be the Star of Their Own Story’" interview on Variety. If it's nothing, that's cool. If it's something else, I'm intrigued. Most of all, /if/ you write something about it, I/we always love hearing your thoughts. 🤡🤡

Hokay so this is going to be difficult to write out, because I do want to clear this up. Given, it took considerably longer than I intended, a few life kidnappings and one really strong IPA later, so if I get rambly, forgive me, I’m kinda buzzed.

That said, arrogant as it may sound, I’ve been told many times that people take me as a sort of seat of common sense and realism in this fandom, and “honk honk” can have many readings, so let me explain where I’m at in regards to the show, our canon, DeanCas and everything in this tangled web.

For those somewhat new to my blog, I didn’t really “ship it” until season 13, episode 5-6; I’d argue myself in reverse that my foundation was shaken by 12.19 in reverse, so put it somewhere in that time frame. Before that, I simply defended the validity and, frankly, sanity of Destiel fandom for seeing what they saw after years of them being gaslit, times confusion spawned from fandom levels that birthed all kinds of weird bitterness.

I kept it at arms length because realistically, on a production level, it just wasn’t a thing until somewhere in the ballpark of S12, which is when I joined fandom, and for a reason I will continue to vague blog about but I think some people have picked up on.

Even still, I have always endorsed being mindful of ones’ own emotions and expectations, and despite my honk honk, that still floats as a background element to everything I am about to say.

The TL;DR is that, quite frankly, any babbling about marketing or production issues aside, since season 14, Andrew Dabb has been seriously fucking my head up. Seriously.

I don’t know how long you’ve been with me, Nonnie; but early S14 I started blogging about the God of Control, Ialdaboath, Abraxas and other shit but also said I had no faith in it since in S11 already the network shut down killing god for fear of pissing off the fundies, and still, making him the villain holds about the same effect even if cruising on technicality. I built entire meta series pondering the pattern and direction of our canon, laying out how it was due to be Chuck, in reflection of Yellow Eyes and the sins of the Father, and then Dabb turned around and smacked my reservation out of my mouth in 14.20.

I spent hiatus blogging on about the next alchemical step being death of the relationship for birth of something new by Art and Lovers arcana; I referenced that old meta project, but spent equal time dismissing the balance of it, too Destiel, too front facing, to not expect it at all. Season 15 turns around smacking us with divorce and marriage shit all around and knocked that reservation out of my mouth too.

I blogged about Belphegor and patterns having a DeanCas breakup by 15.03 within mythology, but not to expect it to be forward facing; and ep 3 was so loud TVG and soap reporters started calling a spade a spade. Dabb knocked that reservation out of my mouth.

Structurally speaking, we continue to tread forward into louder and louder territory, and any time I try to apply any form of reservationist logic to it, Dabb cockslaps me into the dirt so hard I don’t know what to call logic anymore.

The interview may be part of it, for sure, but full honest I’ve been honking since before that.

Now, what “honking” is lacks a specific goalpost. As someone fully at peace with the level of effort our crew has been giving us beyond restrictions, as someone respecting the low key textuality plugged into this season even if it failed to meet “good representation” boundaries as people have identified, or the performative release anyone’s after, I have no specific expectation beyond:

Louder.

It’s going to get louder. It’s going to get harder, and harder to miss. And they aren’t shy about it anymore.

When it comes to corporate level shenanigans, there’s other things at play; some associated with certain topics I vagueblog about; others less vaguebloggy but related, like the WB losing 5 of its and its sister companies’ CEOs in the last year and complete corporate turnover that led to Pedowitz’s recent promotion to make CW more self-standing without babysitting as much by its parent company (not even minding the CBS-facing Moonves disaster which makes it 6 in CW’s blast radius).

Whether it be the first-female-WB-CEO making a change in how the business is handling its business decisions and marketing decisions, or simple “Forgotten Child Syndrome” that has given Dabberens the right to get away with everything but murder, in all we know of the crew, and all we see, the direction is only one thing: Louder.

And for that, I’ll gladly honk to death right now.

This crew is taking it as far as they can, and I will gladly blast the circus music announcing them in their wake.

We have truly reached a “roll the dice” point, which at no other point in history have we been at a horizon of beyond the curtain. We could still turn up snake eyes. That’s fine. Or we could nat 20. Or it could be a tepid 10. But the fact that the dice are rolling at all – honk honk.

I don’t know what’s real or logic anymore at this point, it’s one big muddy mess. So I may as well enjoy the ride, throw the dice, honk my heart out and see just how far these fuckers manage to sling us. 

But if I could get in a TARDIS and zap back to season 7 fandom and try to tell them what was going on, right here, season 15, the final season, with Dean and Cas, everybody would tell me I was on crack or full of shit, and that’s the kind of perspective this bitter ass fandom desperately needs to wrap their heads around and hands over rather than being lost to waves of irrelevant arguments.

I mean let’s look at S8-9 fandom that weren’t paying attention to the production curve at the time. A large sum convinced themselves it was “going to go canon”. But where, when, how? What was canon? They didn’t know, they just knew they got mad when a corp exec went “dafuq is a Destiel” in sum, because he was rightfully blindsided and everybody went bananas and didn’t come down from it since. If you had asked them then what “going canon” meant, you’d get a million different answers much less explanations why they thought it, some being really bizarre meta about fish or other RANDOM shit that literally makes you go “the FUCK?”.

And that has plagued the DeanCas community ever since, frequently addressed as “moving goalposts”, wherein person just needs XYZ and then it happens so somebody else makes a new thing they want and so on into eternity.

But as of late I’ve noticed a large, and I mean large section of fandom has detected certain patterns in Dabb era and have pretty unilaterally set an idea– for example, fandom has come to realize Korrasami, right down to the handholding, seems to be putting off beacons and pulses in the show time and time again. It’s not the loud rep some want, but a great deal of people are out here, seeing this groundwork laid down. There’s a how and a where and a when and I really can’t think of any other time in the history of this fandom that’s actually been in conversation, and I don’t think fandom has really grokked that as a difference, as well. 

Because it’s, for the first time, actually been handled like a genuine potential. How far that potential goes is up in the air, but it’s no longer punch line subtext or weird “oops I tripped and fell in the gay” shit. It’s not even just lowkey background parallels. It’s entire goddamn story arcs crafted front and center with loud cultural resonances, partial text level breaking dynamics and more, just lacking the affirmative sentiments people want– and suddenly, fandom actually has a formulative idea of what those sentiments might look like in the show.

And that my friends? That’s different.

Honk honk.

[supertransural]

My Bloody Valentine, what the hell

Okay. I know I'm probably not writing a hot take with this one, but I just needed to get all my tangled up thoughts out in the form of coherent strings of words ("coherent" is debatable as you'll probably find out if you read this entire thing).

So here I was, watching a random commentary video, and this scene from 5x14 My Bloody Valentine was included in it:

Now that. That's a bi flag. We know how much care set designers put into the details of the scenes we see. This is an episode centered around love. The cupid here talks about "Love", as in, the broad term. The "all-encompassing" term, if you will. He also says he "loves love", which I personally interpret as "in all its shapes and forms", and I don't believe that interpretation of what the cupid is saying is that far-fetched, after all, he kind of is Love (with a capital L). So what does that scene mean?

Let's find out.

First of all, I just feel like I should mention that I think pansexuality would be a better way to "represent" that sort of sentiment around what Love is, but if I'm not mistaken, the pansexual flag was created after this episode aired, and even if the word "pansexual" has existed for a pretty long time in various studies and areas (usually in psychology, if I understand correctly?), and has been used in LGBTQ+ spaces for a while too, it's still not as "commonly known" in the day-to-day life of cishet people, at least not in the same way that being bi is.

That being said, here's one more little nugget before I do a quick analysis of the scene. The idea of being bi is probably the closest thing that any not-very-informed-but-supportive-ish cishet person could think of if they wanted to relate the concept of "love for the sheer sake of love, having love for anyone, love of the masses" to actual characters and how they're able to love their peers (or more accurately, which peers). It's not so surprising to me that this would be the flag chosen by set designers when trying to pass on the message of "this interaction is about love as a general concept, this cupid is love, this cupid loves everyone, and will bless any couple, and yeah in that scene two out of the three characters (other than the cupid himself) stand in front of that light, no reason haha". It makes sense.

Now, onto the actual substance of this.

First of all, because it's funny, Dean why are you literally staring at this cupid's dick, honestly, what the fuck, Sam is averting his eyes (good call), Cas looks like he's only interested in analyzing the cupid's face (more on that later) and nothing else, why are you staring downwards why why why and why (hello, jacting choices). Second of all, because it's funny too, why do you look slightly flustered, in an oh-god-this-is-not-a-drill-shit-oh-god-fuck-embarrassed way? I mean Sam looks like he's been to hell and back, but not flustered.

It's also specifically interesting to see both Cas and Dean being the ones standing together in front of that light. It happens just a little while before, right here:

They're. Staring at a cupid, whose job it is to bless couples, who's Love incarnate, he hugged these two idiots first before getting to Sam, which means something and I'm not exactly sure what but, if you still have braincells (unlike me) please tell me what you conclude of those facts compiled together.

In this particular scene, I don't think the flag is actually a pointer to specific characters being bi, I think it's more of a broad "yeah these guys love a little different" kind of thing. For example, we see Cas in front of that light a lot.

This is season 5, he's barely starting to understand what emotions are, but he's already faithful to Dean and his cause, he's beginning to get what liking things, what caring means. He doesn't figure it all out until way later (in my personal opinion, that is. And I mean... 15x18 anyone?) no, at that point he's driven by things like want, need, yeah, I'll say it, lust, or simple candid curiosity. But that ties into the idea that right now, in that episode, Cas' understanding of "Love" is very broad. He doesn't understand details yet, the only detail he knows is Dean vs the World, and all he gets about that is "the world matters to Dean, there's probably a reason for that, if I follow him around enough I'll probably discover it, and I trust him enough to lead me there". He's still an angel, fairly through and through. He's curious, though.

Refer back to that previous gif, Cas is watching with acute interest what that cupid is doing. Prior to this scene, he's known the "mission" that cupids uphold for thousands of years, but I doubt he's ever really looked at it with the help of the lens of actual humans (read: Dean). He's interested, this cupid's job is to create love, and that seems to be something inherently tied to what makes his charge... himself. That much he knows. Again, probably not in detail, probably not that precisely, but he's got a sense that this cupid represents something he doesn't know and hasn't felt before, yet something Dean and Sam are accustomed to, and driven by. So yeah, he's curious.

Now here's the thing. We see Dean standing in front of that light, both alone, with the cupid, and with Cas. On several occasions.

(something something something bi flag in the background something something something character centered around love something something something the word "dick" something something something what the fuck CW)

We see the cupid standing in front of the light (scroll back up), and we see Cas in front of the light, with the cupid, alone, and with Dean. What about Sam?

...Yeah, no. I replayed that scene several times and I didn't find one instance where we see Sam even remotely lighted by that flag. And when I say remotely, I mean like this:

The light being somewhat noticeable in the background. Even when we see Sam after he moves a bit, like so:

The light is nowhere to be seen. That's after the cupid's left too, so it makes sense the flag wouldn't be relevant anymore: the entity that it represents isn't there to give it meaning anymore. I mean, during that entire scene Sam's a bit (gross understatement, I know) of a background character, but that's simply because he's not the main focus of what the cupid and the flag mean.

Dean though. Dean's a focus alright. No one can ever convince me otherwise, he's bi. That's just a fact at this point. But that's not all the flag and the cupid mean when relating to him here. He's beginning to form a type of bond with Cas, albeit small. He's starting to open up a door that he's never really noticed before: the one that lets people other than blood relatives (or close runner-ups like Bobby) in. And he's facing that head on, like how he's facing the cupid. Both he and Cas do that actually, in their own way. They're looking straight into the eyes of the unknown (Cas literally looks into the eyes of the cupid): for Cas it's this strange foreign thing called emotion, and for Dean it's letting a known emotion be directed at someone new. They're the ones that talk to the cupid, not Sam, because they have things to be curious or apprehensive about, in the context of love (or different love).

They stand in the highlight of that flag, because they're the ones discovering new things (hello, 10x16 speech, yes I'm relating a random scene with a funny light to a speech 5 seasons later, leave me be, I'm insane) and not Sam, who's for one: human, so he already knows what love is, and two: way more in touch with his feelings than his brother. Basically, the concept of Love being something strange, unknown, new, different, scary, worth punching it in the face for, deserving of focused study, take your pick, doesn't really apply to him.

How could I relate this to destiel you ask? Very easily, I say. This, theydies and gentlethems, is a representation of the first step both Cas and Dean take towards each other. A toe in the waters of a frightening and captivating new thing. And again, they face it in a really direct manner.

That is... Right up until the cupid mentions John and Mary. That's when it goes downhill and we understand that whatever Dean and Cas have going on is about to take years of work and a million steps still need to be taken.

Exhibit a:

Look at Cas' face, when the cupid mentions the Big Plan. He starts by studying the cupid (again, curiosity), then looks at Dean, then Dean briefly looks back (perhaps back at Cas but that's debatable), and that's when Cas looks down, embarrassed. I read that as: "Ah yes, as interesting of a concept this cupid is, as fascinating as these two humans' perspective on his mission is, it's still dictated by Heaven, and they're not going to like that. I'm still dictated by Heaven (as I should (???)) and... He's not going to like that. (???)".

Annnnd then Dean punches the cupid in the face, which... Good point, Cas, he indeed doesn't "like that".

So what are those steps highlighted by the ending of that scene? Well, Cas is an angel. Dean is clueless about so many things. He doesn't have faith. Cas isn't exactly free. It's just always about the plan and the mission, whatever comes up in their tumultuous adventures together, it always brings them right back to the core of why there's still such a long way to go: who they are.

All in all, that scene is just. Imagery there, imagery here, reference after reference, big red arrows (yes, I'm using "arrows" in the context of a cupid episode, I fully intend this sentence to have a double meaning) pointing at Dean and at Cas and at them both together. It's not necessarily a direct reference at either of them being bi, although for obvious reasons that's not exactly off the table either, it's sort of a piece of foreshadowing for what's to come, both in that season itself, and the rest of their relationship (here I use "relationship" as a term meaning something like "friendship-that-evolves-into-something-more-later-on").

In short, I'd like to conclude (you can use that as a TL;DR) by quoting my brain when I first saw that flag and connected a couple dots:

"lol bi".

#well damn that was long. #if you've read it all holy shit! you're just as insane as i am for writing it! haha! #if not more! #this isn't a personal attack though! it's ok to be insane! #join me in my destiel related meta bubble! #anyways. #i do think that there's a bunch of double meanings to both the lighting and the cupid #it's a big mess to untangle #and again i fully realize im probably not the first to notice this #as i said i just wanted to put my thoughts into sentences so i could go back to lying on the floor thinking about Them #and then go back to writing my damn fic #destiel #deancas #dean #cas #sam #endverse #spn #supernatural #spn meta #meta

[awed-frog]

Hi, so whenever I read destiel meta, or anything destiel related I always see someone mentioning "cas falling for dean"(not as in falling in love with him but like from heaven)and I'm really confused because I don't remember that happening. Do you know whats going on? Thanks!

Hi there! I can’t speak for other meta writers, but what I mean when I’m talking about that is the moment when Cas turned his back on Heaven and chose to side with Dean back in S4, and maybe that doesn’t sound like ‘Falling’, exactly, but the thing is, we don’t know what Falling is and what it means, do we? Like, what we do know is that Metatron’s spell caused the angels to Fall, and that meant 1) burning their wings off (which, as far as we know, merely means annulling their capacity to move around quickly in time and space) and 2) locking them out of the Gates of Heaven (which, ???). However, what was never clear to me is that Cas didn’t go through this process, because Metatron cut his Grace off him before going through with the spell - and yet, when Cas powered up again, his wings were shown to be broken all the same. And another point: as much as I love the wings symbolysm, it’s a bit flimsy because the most famous of the Fallen angels (both in the SPN universe and in theology) is Lucifer, and his wings work just fine. In fact, we know that he and Michael are now the only angels capable of flight.

(In our world, that is. The AU world will likely have different rules.)

Now, as far as I know, the idea of Falling, and, more specifically, of Lucifer falling (because in theology I don’t think that we know of other angels who Fell for their own reasons after him) is not so much about going down as it is about going away - being banned from God’s presence, being excluded from, and deprived of, His love - however you want to put it, that’s what Falling is. So, as you can see, the problem in the SPN universe is that Chuck never left much in terms of direct orders or instructions, and didn’t seem to care about the angels at all when he came back, so - technically - this means that either all of the angels Fell when God first left (simply because He left) and/or that they can never regain their previous status until He says they can. I know I wasn’t the only one to feel slightly, or a lot, disappointed in how Chuck’s return was handled and how much it focused on Lucifer and Dean to the detriment of everyone else -

(Because come on, Sam needed his moment with God after all those years he spent praying to the guy, and Cas - for fuck’s sake, don’t get me started on Cas, but also - all those other nameless and faceless angels, what about them? They are Chuck’s kids, same as Lucifer and the other archangels, and He created them without Free Will, completely dependent on Him, and then He buggered off and when He came back, He never even went up to visit? I’m surprised the place hasn’t turned into a den of depression and alcoholism, to be honest.)

- because the fact is, whatever Metatron’s spell was about, Falling is something that’s between God and the angels. Furthermore, we know from Hester’s words, back in S7, that Falling is maybe - a sort of process? Remember what she says to Dean and Cas? “When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost!”, “You have fallen in every way imaginable.” - that seems to imply that there are different ways to Fall, and, okay, some of it was a big subtextual wink and basically Sera Gamble shouting, ‘Don’t go anywhere, shippers, now comes the good stuff! Or soon, anyway!’, but it also made sense textually: we know there are many ways for angels to walk away from Heaven, or be forced out, and all of those could be considered a kind of Falling if we go with the show’s definition of it and take Chuck out of the equation. So - in a way - Gabriel having sex with horses and pretending to be dead is a sort of Falling, as is Balthazar having orgies and selling goods on the black market, and also what happened to Anna, and even what Ishim did: Falling is about developing your own emotions and desires and thoughts, and thus straying from the path God has decided for you. And Cas - I think that, from the point of view of the angels, Cas Fell when he turned his back on them in the most critical moment of their history and chose to help Dean instead, and we know he never truly came back from that - that’s when he started to not be at peace with himself, after all.

(Of course, that’s not the first time Cas rebelled, but he doesn’t remember about the other times, does he? And I’m hoping being dead for good will help him there, because without those memories, I’m not sure he can ever forgive himself - or Dean.)

And if you think about it, it makes sense, because that was a huge breach of - everything. Cas owed his kind obedience and devotion and instead he sided with a human he’d known for, like, ten minutes; and as an angel, he’s supposed to respect the fundamental Virtues of Christianity, and he lost all three of them: his love for God, and his hope and faith for His plans. No wonder he’s broken, because if that isn’t Falling, I don’t know what is. 

#ask #cas #castiel #cas meta #spn meta #spn angels #spn theology

[mittensmorgul]

I'm the anon who brought up that quote from SotF. Boy howdy, epic reply! You gave us lots to think about so I'm writing back to clarify my question. I totally agree with you that Dean is not a mean person and I totally agree that both Cas and Dean have had passive/aggressive moments in their relationship, speaking of. :) My issue with having Dean shout at Cas in a room full of people that nobody cares about you and your pain is mean and out of character to me. 1/2

2/2 If motivation was the objective, then I also agree his approach with Kevin is more in character, “I know you’re hurting right now and we can work on it later, but right now we need you to step up and help in the fight.” Said in his still gruff manner, not mollycoddling, but the emotional support is there. That’s why the line to Cas bothers me. It seemed too harsh even out of the anger and frustration Dean felt because he thought Cas was running away from responsibility. Actually, 2/3 now.

3/3 Being a bit facetious about “words hurt” line, I was connecting it to the point they both have done and said things to each other that were hurtful and just ended up complicating their relationship. So those kinds of extreme words made me think that feeds into Cas’ insecurities. As desperate as Dean may be, it doesn’t feel like he would be pushed that far to say those words. Guess for both of them, you always hurt the ones you love. Hope you don’t mind my long reply, you’re awesome! Thanks!

Oh gosh, hi. :P

First off, apologies for going on and on and on… this has happened to me several times over the last few days of rewatches, where I took a short anon ask and just… got sucked into writing long meta while three or four episodes ran in the background… Sorry. Sometimes I have trouble pulling a single thought out of the context of the larger narrative it sits in. For reference, this is the very long reply:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/163454512675/survival-of-the-fittest-rewatch-airs-today-i-have

I think part of the reason WHY Dean “toned it down” a bit with Kevin is BECAUSE he felt bad about having been so short with Cas in essentially the same situation, you know? And with Kevin there in 8.01? It was IMMEDIATELY after he got back from a YEAR in Purgatory, an entire year spent struggling not only to get OUT of purgatory, but to get out WITH CAS.

And he’d failed.

This was also before Dean “altered the memory” of those final moments at the portal. He was honest with Sam there, or at least far more honest than he was with himself and Cas in 8.07, before he’d been forced to live with that reality for a while and just… could’t accept it anymore, you know?

So yeah, I do think that’s part of the reason he didn’t just bark angrily at Kevin the way he did at Cas. But he also didn’t have the 10 tons of emotional baggage going in to that conversation with Kevin that Dean had with Cas by 7.23.

Kevin hadn’t hurt HIM, PERSONALLY. Kevin wasn’t avoiding acknowledging some sort of personal failure that was directly harming Dean, the way Cas was in 7.23. Dean had been willing to try and let all of that go, at least while they were still scrambling to put an end to the Leviathan, but when they discovered that they absolutely NEEDED Cas to succeed in that mission, and Cas was refusing to participate, refusing to even acknowledge that he should have any personal responsibility in fixing the situation at all… well… That was something Dean couldn’t accept.

And sorry, but crazy!Cas isn’t “cute.” He’s not a precious lil bean that needs protecting. He was using that to avoid having to face the enormity of what his actions in s6 led to. I wrote another really super long post two days later on (among other things) how this came to a head for Cas in 8.08 and his outburst at Dean’s gentle prodding about why he didn’t want to return to Heaven.

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/163529983575/so-many-nice-destiel-moments-in-87-but-i-have-a

Like, the “crazy” in s7 was EXTREME DENIAL. I mean, he’d literally suffered amnesia for months, forgetting he was even an angel at all and everything else… (including Dean). There’s no better metaphor for extreme denial. It’s like the tropiest version of “new phone who dis” that can possibly exist. And it takes him a LONG time to come back from that.

Late s7 “crazy!Cas” (and I have to say again how much I detest that being applied to this version of Cas, because again he is NOT crazy, he is in uberdenial and avoiding anything that might make him feel guilty/responsible for the horrific things he did, however inadvertently, in the name of trying to save the universe)….

Lemme start that previous thought again, since I got completely derailed by my own parenthetical.

Late s7 Cas was the first step back after his “penance” and subsequent recovery began. It’s Cas who is so ashamed of what he’d done that he couldn’t even face it AT ALL, until Dean started to pry his way back under all that denial. Dean acknowledged Cas’s feelings about being “poison” (to use Dean’s pet word for himself), and finally Cas felt like there might be a real way for him “to fix it.” Or at least start…

(He’d already “fixed” Sam at that point, which was something, but by no means the entirety of what he felt needed fixing… and remember that taking Sam’s Hell Trauma into himself is what drove Cas into that “crazy” state in the first place… the sort of trauma that had nearly killed Sam, and that he’d only spent all of s7 coping with by an extreme act of denial– pressing the scar on his hand and utterly rejecting the hallucinations his own damaged soul was inflicting on him…)

So, yeah, I have some pretty complicated thoughts and feelings about this, but I also feel like nothing else in Cas’s subsequent development arc makes any sense at all unless his absolute guilt and denial and yes, even his outburst in 8.08 about not wanting to return to heaven to face what he’d done driving him to thoughts of killing himself, are acknowledged for what they are.

It’s awful, it’s painful, it’s terrible all around. But I’m not in denial about it. It feels like doing a serious disservice to Cas and his later understanding and self-forgiveness and acceptance, and it’s really the foundation of EVERYTHING solid in his relationship with Dean (and Sam) over the next five seasons. It all had to come from this moment of hurt and guilt and anger and FORGIVING each other.

#spn 7.17 #spn 7.23 #spn 8.08 #castiel winchester #Anonymous

[verobatto]

Capricious Children

AUMichael mirror of Lucifer, Amara and the Empty (14x10 spoiler)

Good afternoon! This is my second meta from Nihilism 14x10.

If you want to read the first is here and the third part is the Destiel meta I will post it soon too.

I know this parallels had been discussed all over the fandom, but I just wanted to talk about them, because I saw an image from "Nihilism" that caught my attention too, it was focused two time during the episode...

... I will return to this at the end of this meta.

Looking for Chuck's attention

When I first heard Michael saying he will destroy every universe bc he wanted Chuck to appear in front of him... I said... Not that line again!

Because...

Ok.. Deja Vu with Amara destroying everything that breathe, and torturing Lucifer (Chuck's fav son) like... 😥

Not just that, remember Lucifer in season 12 when he was possesing Vince Vincente?

Gif credit @morningstarendeavors

He decided to "have fun" destroying and killing people bc "he could" and bc God had abandoned him again.

So AUMichael and Lucifer with their Dad issues, carrying with the absent father trauma and Amara trying to caught his brother attention, are all in the same bag.

But talking about absent father, this is directly related to Dean and Sam with John Winchester, their ISSUES with him, and it has to do with CAS too... That's why Dean could emphatically understand Cas...

Manipulating minds

Lucifer was always the big manipulator in the show, he uses facts and re order them to fulfill his desires...

Gif credit @heavnofhell

But the blantant parallel between Lucifer and AUMichael, was that time when both of them wanted to win Jack's confidence, and win a powerful ally.

Gif credit @kingofthecrxssroads

This is from 13x23 👆

And this is from 14x09 👇

Gif credit @kingofthecrxssroads

Everybody wants the nougat boy but he is already taken by his three beloved dad's. So... Thank you, but not thank you. You can take your offer and put it in the body part where the sun never shines.

AUMichael and the Empty likes to use facts that aren't really totally true to manipulate and break "bonds", in this case ROMANTIC BONDS and FAMILY BONDS, bc doing that, makes the person weak and manageable.

Mocking the weaknesses

I saw a lot of gif set making this funny parallel from our villains mocking our heroes in love.

Lucifer and Michael are so alike in their way to mocking, but the worst of all of them was the Empty.

Gif set credit @godshipsit

Bc The Empty knew exactly what was going on there between Castiel and his feelings for Dean, so he tried to use FACTS to manipulate him.

Lucifer is aware of it too when he took possession of Castiel, and he used it too just for fun and mocking, bc that's how Lucifer character profile is.

But AUMichael, AUMichael is frustrated with that information, bc he can't understand the depth of it, bc Dean has it very hidden and repressed. Then AUMichael knows something is there between Castiel and Dean, but can't reach it.

So he mocks what he can't totally understand.

Pics credit @hhoneycas

The Empty and AUMichael are the same for Castiel and Dean, they reflect their dark side, they confront them with themselves, their true feelings, repressed feelings, and this is why Castiel and Dean fight back both of them. To release them from their own emotional prisons.

Now... Is time for speculate...

Let's come back to the pic I put first in this meta...

You know about pool, isn't? Ok... But in this table that was shown two times in the episode, there's something interesting... Pay attention to the location of each ball, their colors and the team...

There's three balls in the same line, the two from the lef are from the same team, one green (HELAING!DEAN) and one blue (Castiel) they work together for the same team. But there's one in the right in color red (TOXIC!DEAN) he is from the other team. And they are facing one black, the black is the ball that defines the play, and it could be any villain here... The Empty? AUMichael?, Then divided by the pool cue there's a white one. The white is the ball that hit the others in the game. So I could say this could be God? Jack in a future? Could be Jack the new God?

But this also makes me think about a foreshadow for what is about to come... And what was written in that book that Billie delivered to Dean.

Ok, listen up, this are just speculations, but...

We know those books talks about Dean's death, so... Dean doing a big sacrifice to save the world again, shouldn't be a surprise, But what kind of sacrifice?

If they go with the Infinity War parallel, should be something that Dean was protecting with his life, bc is powerful... Could be Jack? Maybe Dean must kill Jack for some reason related to the AUs. IDK.

Second spec... What if the big sacrifice is the follow ...

Dean is the cage, isn't? Like the cage locked on Hell with our Michael... What if the big sacrifice is "carry with that time bomb inside of him and jump into the AU from where Michael came and let the bomb explode" yes, just him, Dean saying goodbye to his family and to Castiel and jump alone with Michael (helped by AUKaia, the dream walker) and letting Michael there with him. But... That ball blue with the green one and the red one (Profound Bond) facing Michael/Empty make me think, are they two going together to the AU? Maybe Castiel wouldn't let him alone? Maybe? Or are they two going into the Empty together and fight him? And God there too... Are God/Jack the answer? Are one of them save the day? We hope so!

I'm kinda f dizzy right now... But you get the idea... I think?

Thanks for reading!! Please share your opinions!

Tagging @emblue-sparks @mrsaquaman187 @cheerstofandomfamily @magnificent-winged-beast @whyjm @lykanyouko @castiellover20 @evvvissticante @agusvedder @gneisscastiel @metafest

Buenos Aires January 20th 2018 1:52PM

#14x10 meta #aumichael #the empty #amara #lucifer #villains parallel #spn 14x10 spoiler #supernatural villains meta #destiel #nihilism

[awed-frog]

I know you said you'll still follow the show, reblog gifs, and finish the dcbb you're working on this year, but ahhh - I'm going to miss reading paragraphs and paragraphs of your detailed analysis! You're my favourite meta-writer, and I really looked forward to reading your opinions after each episode :) Although you probably won't be super active in this fandom, will you still write deancas fic in the future? Just for fun?

Hi, sorry I left this for a few days. Your message really cheered me up in a period that’s been hard for me - mostly for family issues, so thank you - thank you so much for all this.

As for my projects - the truth is, I don’t know what I want to do, and how I feel about it all. 

[Putting the rest of this under a cut because there’s some negativity there - the tl;dr version is, yes, I’ll keep writing fiction for now and I’m hoping to post the next big project in a couple of weeks or so.]

Right now I feel let down, mostly, and as I said, part of it has to with myself and who I am as a person (someone who gets in too deep and 100%, and that’s not necessarily good), but I’ve also been around long enough to be sure that part of it is the show itself. What mostly annoys me as a meta writer is the fact Supernatural won’t own up to the subtext it is so clearly embedding in its narrative. Some people still feel optimistic, and that’s great, but let’s remember that what they’re doing right now - that’s a pattern. We got to the point where their whole season arc doesn’t make sense without Destiel (that’s basically what happened with Amara), and their mirrors are so precise they’re basically blinding you (still not over that Colette thing), and yet at the end of the season, nothing happens and nothing has changed. I mean, even with all the goodwill in the world, it’s getting harder and harder for me to believe TPTB will act any different from all the others who’ve been there before (and here I’m thinking mostly about Merlin and Sherlock) - they saw there was something happening there, for whatever reason, or maybe they pushed it from the start, I don’t know, but at some point they decided that yeah, why not keep it going - but the truth is, they never meant to go through with it, because that’s not how it works - because bi people are not a thing, because your gay characters must be openly gay from the start, because a story about a gay man must have something to do with AIDS or whatever, because you can’t trick people into watching a vampire story and then BAM, surprise, motherfucker, it was actually a gay romance all along, because the most they can do is two people holding hands in the very last scene and nobody would be happy with that, so why bother? 

I’ve tried to force myself, for years, to believe there was no malice there, no sheer exploitation of people’s hunger for representaton, but I don’t know if I can anymore. If you look at the last two seasons, the pattern is exactly what it’s been for the previous seven: a lot of subtext (sometimes  stretching credibility), a lot of double speak and scenes that could be interpreted either way, incredibly romantic moments followed or preceded by stupid and/or out of character #NoHomo stuff, and, mostly, no textual confirmation of any kind that something is actually going on. Which, frankly, enough.

And it’s not about Destiel, either. I would be okay with this obsession to keep the show only about Sam and Dean if they actually told me what’s going on with them, because they’re such complex and interesting characters and I would love to spend more time with them, but really, it’s hit and miss there. For instance, during this season I have learned nothing new about Sam, and I’m not any closer to understanding who he is and what he wants. As for Dean, 90% of his character development happened in the season finale - while the work of deconstructing performing!Dean has been majestic at times, it often felt like an afterthought. And how is it possible that we barely heard them talk to each other about this extraordinary thing that’s happened to them? Your mother coming back from the dead - you’d think that would be the focus of, I don’t know, everything? - but, again, I’m not much closer to understanding what’s going on there than I was before. As for Mary herself, she never made much sense to me as a character (apparently the fact Sam was a vessel for Lucifer and John wasn’t exactly nice to his kids was still news for her after one full year? like, uh?) and I still don’t understand, exactly, what it is they wanted to do with her. Other times, the message was clear but the way they got there didn’t work for me - for instance, Crowley’s death was hurried and weird, and that whole Claire episode proved the very thing Claire was trying to disprove (ie, that no, she wasn’t ready to work on her own) and yet the final scene ignored basically everything that had happened in the previous forty minutes and just went with it. 

So, you see, there’s plenty of big and little things like that I’m annoyed about - and I get some of them have to do with the limitations of filiming a TV show (stuff about budget and whatever else I know nothing about), but when you see other episodes, well-made episodes, you realize they know how to do the thing and just don’t want to. 

Sometimes I think Supernatural, like Destiel, was never supposed to be a thing. This is not Game of Thrones or Westworld or True Detective - it’s not something they created to win awards and have people hold on to their souls for dear life and question their entire existences. It’s just - entertainment. It’s what the CW does, right? I don’t want to be snobby, but they didn’t make The Vampire Diaries or Beauty and the Beast or Gossip Girl so they could change the world (I sort of enjoyed all of those, so again - I’m not saying they’re bad shows - at all). Those are simply things that sell - stories featuring incredibly good-looking people doing reckless things, living on the edge and helping you take your mind off your mean teacher or annoying dad. That’s it. It’s all it is. The fact Supernatural became more than that, and came to mean so much to so many people - that was probably a perfect storm of things - Kripke’s was a story about the American Dream that came at just the right moment, the cast (in my opinion, especially Jensen) is really talented, the writers mostly know what they’re doing and so on. This is why I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that those episodes I don’t like - those are the norm. The masterpieces - they’re accidental - and not in the sense people don’t work hard on them, but in the sense the show was never supposed to be like that. 

So, I truly don’t know. I enjoy writing metas, and I’m slowly getting over the colossal disappointment that was the season finale, so, who knows - maybe by the time S13 airs, I’ll decide to go back to it. I don’t know. When I wrote that last meta, I was very emotional and absolutely furious, but feelings fade and change. What I will stop expecting, though, is for the narrative to follow any rules when they’re clearly trying to break them - and not in a good way. For instance, it truly made no narrative sense for Eileen to die, and it made no narrative sense for Toni to have a kid at all (or that she’d extract information from Sam by dream-raping him), or for Sam to break into that emotional King Arthur speech, or for Cas to die the way he did - and yet. So if I do start to write metas again, I’ll try to be more light-hearted about it and allow for ‘whateverness’, because apparently this is what we’re getting.

As for writing - I’ll always be grateful to this show and to the fandom for giving me my will to write back. I’m the kind of person who’s been working on a novel or a collection of short story or whatever else since primary school, but the last few years have been busy and adult and on and off traumatic, so I’d stopped completely, and this - this not writing, this living in a finite world, this drowning out of the voices in my head - this made me ache and shatter somewhere in my very soul. Writing stories again and getting feedback on them has been a joyful, liberating, crucial experience for me, and it has really helped me to make sense of myself as a person again. Plus, I really love these characters and feel there are so many things left unsaid - at this point, I couldn’t bear to leave them behind. My plans are to keep writing at least until the next DCBB, but if Supernatural will really finish in a season and a half, it’s possible I’ll keep posting the occasional coda during S13 and S14 as well. At the moment, I’m working on three big things - I think I’ll manage to finish them, and I truly hope you’ll like them, because, really - the friends I’ve made in the fandom, the messages I exchange with those who read my stories, all those taking the time to let me know they’ve kept reading all night long or something - it’s been so deep, so intimate and world-changing - a moving, incredible experience. I owe you guys so much, and that’s something I’ll not easily forget.

So, well, sorry for the novel - I guess I just wanted to say - I’m not leaving this story behind yet. I’ll just try to care a bit less and focus more on other things, but I’ll be around. Family don’t end with blood, and all that.

#ask #spn season 12 #negativity for ts #spn meta #destiel fanfiction #i hope this makes sense? #it's the kind of thing #that makes sense in my own mind #but it's difficult to put down in words