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elizabethwritesmen · 7 months

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I once was poison ivy

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Part 2 but now I’m your daisy

Older!Fireman!Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Synopsis - You've spent your entire life taking men who intend to manipulate you and manipulating them instead. It's the only way you know how to survive. Then, one day, you meet Steve Harrington and you realize love and lust are so much more than survival.

A/N - This will be a two-parter. Maybe three if it runs too long.

Warnings: Fluff, sexual themes, smut to come in the second part, talks of using men for their money, vivid description of a car accident, drunk driving.

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I've been breaking hearts a long time and Fooling with them older guys Just playthings for me to use

The napkin on my lap was in pieces.

I'd been tearing it apart, whether out of anxious habit or sheer boredom I wasn't sure.

The man sitting across from me just would not stop talking. He started the second I met up with him in the parking lot and hadn't closed his mouth since. I nodded along and provided just enough commentary to seem present, but my brain was miles away.

He cleared his throat, staring at me pointedly until I met his eyes, a saccharine smile gracing my face.

"Are you alright, doll? I know all this shop talk can be a lot for a pretty girl like you to keep up with," he stated with all the confidence in the world, and I fought a scoff at his condescension.

"Oh, I'm fine!" I grinned wildly, almost childlike, "To be honest, I'm just in awe of you. Absolutely fascinated. I keep asking myself what I did to deserve a date with you!"

The lies cut through my teeth like butter, slick and smooth. I knew they worked when he puffed out his chest and a red tint covered his full cheeks, "Well darling, if you keep talking to me like that, you'll get more than one date with me!"

"There's nothing I'd love more!"

I know I should've cursed him for all he was worth, but that's not how my lifestyle worked. I didn't care how much of a pig a man was, as long as his money was louder than his mouth. And this man's money definitely was.

You see, he was older, a business man. He worked at some high end finance job, and he was most definitely the boss. I met him through my own job. I was a waitress and he frequented my corner booth on his lunch breaks. He knew my schedule and came to eat every single day I worked at 12:00 sharp with a new story about his job, his divorce, or his 1970 Chevelle. On the days I didn't work, he stayed away, claiming I was the only girl there worth looking at. And, every time, he left me a crisp 100 as a tip.

The last time he'd come in, he'd ended his lunch by asking me on a date. He told me he wanted to pick a dress out for me and treat me to the nicest dinner I'd ever had. Poor thing had no idea he wasn't the first millionaire to offer that. I agreed happily, pushing down any reservations and forcing myself to look forward to it.

So there we were, at one of those restaurants where you have to dress formally and use certain etiquette. I hated those places, I knew I didn't belong there, but it was what I had to do and I always did it with a smile on my face.

He continued talking and I began fiddling with the Versace dress adorning me, tugging on the hem. I only heard snippets of what he was saying. After hearing a million men tell the same stories, I thought there was no reason to pay any real attention.

Our waitress startled me out of the trance I'd fallen into, dropping the check off at our table.

"Here," he smiled, placing $200 neatly in the little black book, "That's enough for you to add a cheesecake to-go for my beautiful companion, and to buy something pretty for yourself!"

The girl's eyes widened and she grinned, staring at the generous amount she'd been given. It took her mere moments to bring by a bag with the cheesecake in a box at the bottom, and I was finally done.

"I'll walk you to your car," Mr. Boring offered in a way that I couldn't possibly refuse.

Well, almost done.

Once we reached my Passat, he pressed me lightly against the driver's door and planted a sloppy kiss on my lips. I cringed my way through it until it was finally over, and he opened my door for me.

"Maybe we can go out again next week?" he proposed, "I'll call you and we can set it up."

"Of course!" I nodded, eagerly climbing into the seat.

"Oh, and before I forget," he sighed, pulling his wallet from his pocket and fishing out two more crisp hundred dollar bills, "This should cover gas and the rest is a thank-you for making an old man feel young again. Seeing you in that dress made my evening."

I smiled at him as he walked away, my expression dropping the second he was out of sight. And then, I was finally headed home.

Something happened for the first time In the darkest little paradise Shaking, pacing, I just need you

It was about a 30 minute drive to my house, and I had the music cranked up the entire way. I was passing through the last intersection before my highway exit when I saw something out of the corner of my eye.

It was an SUV, much bigger than my car, headed straight for me. It was going so fast but in that moment time slowed down. It was too late for me to stop or get out of the way, I knew I was screwed. I yanked the wheel to the right, hoping they wouldn't hit me directly. I thought that if they caught the back end of my car it would hurt less.

They slammed into the back driver's side door, just barely missing me, sending me careening across the highway and into the ditch. I screamed as my head slammed into my window, blood running down my temple and onto my neck.

Finally, everything stopped. My car was, beyond all rationality, still playing music. I turned it all the way down, looking around.

The SUV was upside down on the highway, engulfed in flames. I saw a man laying about 20 feet away from it on the asphalt. I prayed he was okay, and that nobody else was in his vehicle.

Then, I examined myself. Glass had shattered everywhere, and there was a pile of it in my lap. My poor Versace was tattered and bloody, and I frowned momentarily in a small fit of grief. The back of my car was completely done for, and I was shocked my airbags didn't go off. Of course, there was no impact to the front of my car.

It only took minutes for sirens to overtake the scene. There were two ambulances, a firetruck, and several police cars.

I slipped my seatbelt off, groaning at the pain. It felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I guess I had, in a manner of speaking. My body was suffering from the turmoil.

Shockingly, my door opened when I pulled the handle and I climbed out, falling to the ground with a cry and a sharp wince.

"Hey, hey, hey!" the voice was deep, and I glanced up to see the fireman it belonged to running in my direction, "Don't move, just stay still. Please, stay still. God, you could've died trying to climb out of that car. Too tough for your own good!" He kneeled beside me, his arms holding me up, his eyes scanning me for all signs of injury. "Here you go, calm down. It's okay now, I've got you."

His voice was soothing me, and so was his thumb as he rubbed calming circles on my hip.

"Please," I cried, my voice almost too small to be audible. I squirmed, trying and failing to break free, "I need... I need..."

I wasn't sure what I was pleading for. I just wanted relief. My bones felt like they were combusting.

"I'm gonna get you some help, sweetheart, I promise. You're safe with me." He called the paramedics over to have a look at me. They ran straight for us and he lifted me up placing me comfortably on the stretcher.

As he began to walk away, I called out meekly, "Please stay with me!" and reached blindly for his hand. He gave it to me and nodded, squeezing my palm lightly as he helped them wheel me to the ambulance. They got me inside of it and starting poking and prodding, asking me questions.

"I don't want to go to the hospital," I whined, "I'm fine, I don't need a hospital."

"We gotta get you to the hospital, sweetheart. I'm sorry, I know it's scary, but you're tough though, huh?," his voice was still so soothing, and I nodded, holding tighter to his hand that was still intertwined with mine.

"Will you come with me?" I stared up at him, my eyes wide and pitiful in a beg.

"I can't, I have to get back and help clean all this up," he told me, his voice regretful.

"Please," I was whimpering at that point, desperate. I hated begging but he was the only thing keeping me from an anxiety attack. The only thing grounding me. The only thing keeping me from asking questions like, what if I'm seriously hurt? What's going to happen with my car? Is my cheesecake okay? How am I going to replace this dress?

Okay, some of the questions were silly but cut me some slack. I'd just been hit by a truck.

He chewed his lip in thought for a moment before sighing, "Let me talk to my boss and see what I can do."

He was gone for about five minutes, but when he came back, he was only in a white T shirt and his turnout pants. He set his jacket and hat on the bench seat next to me and climbed in beside me, grasping my hand again.

"Thank you," I whispered, and the sweet smile he gave me warmed my tummy.

Hours passed in a flurry of medical stuff I didn't understand and tests being run. When everything calmed down, I was sitting on a bed in an ER, a thick medical grade bandaid on my temple where I hit the window and some pain killers in my system. Fortunately, I wasn't hurt badly at all, just extremely sore and shaken up. I had a concussion, but that was the brunt of it.

"Okay, Miss L/N. I've got a prescription here for painkillers, it should help soothe your soreness and your headache. Other than that, you're free to go," the doctor walked in the room and told me jovially. He was nice, he made me feel comfortable. I was thankful to have him instead of someone colder. But what really made me feel comfortable was the firefighter, whose name I'd discovered was Steve. He stayed right beside me the entire time, even when I was first admitted. He even called my mom for me when I was first admitted, and that's the only time he let go of my hand.

"I think that's all, thank you," I sincerely responded.

"Great. Then I'll leave you be. If anything else happens, come back. Concussions are no joke. But I'm sure Steve knows that, so you're in good hands. He'll take care of you," he gave us a pointed look, glancing from mine and Steve's interlaced fingers to our faces.

"Bye, Joe," Steve dramatized, rolling his eyes.

"Bye Steve. Bye Y/N," the doctor responded between laughs, taking his exit.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Steve turned to me, his hard features softening the second his eyes met mine.

"Have you heard anything else from my mom?" I asked, trying to keep the hope in my voice at bay.

"She checked on you once, about an hour ago. I told her I was taking care of you."

"Oh."

His eyes were boring into me, searching. I'm sure it seemed odd to him, a mother not immediately rushing to her child's side when she hears there's been an accident. Wasn't very strange to me, though. My mom had never spared much time for me.

He cleared his throat, speaking more quietly, "She said she wants me to get you home safe, so that's what I'm gonna do. One of the nurses is gonna give us a ride to the station and I'm gonna drive you from there."

"Well it's settled, then. Let's go," I beamed, grabbing his hand and hopping off the bed. I didn't make it very far, though, nearly collapsing the second my feet hit solid ground.

Steve was quick, catching me and holding me steady. I lifted my eyes and they met his, inches away. I could feel his breath, warm against my skin.

"Be careful there, Super Girl. You're too weak to take on the world just yet," he sighed, and I had to fight the urge to lean in.

He was handsome. I'd noticed it the second he ran over to me, my knight in dirty turnout gear. I'd noticed it again in the ambulance when he told me he could go to the hospital with me. And I noticed it as his arms squeezed me tighter.

"I can walk," I mumbled.

"I'm sure you can, but you aren't. Come on, I've got you," he stated, as if there was no room for argument or disagreement. One of the arms around me slipped down to the crook of my knees and he lifted, pulling me securely into his hold. I gasped, grasping tightly to his shirt, my nails leaving imprints in the soft fabric.

"Steve, I'm heavy!" I screeched, and he chuckled.

"Even if you were heavy, I can handle it," he said, like it was obvious. My stare stayed skeptical and he sighed, "Sweetheart, you're not heavy. You're nothing compared to the gear I wear and haul, and the people I have to carry out of buildings."

I stayed stubborn for a moment longer before giving him a slight nod, "If your back starts to break, put me down!"

"I don't have any plans to put you down, sweetheart," he winked, and with that, he was carrying me to the ambulance bay where an Altima was waiting for us. One of the nurses was leaning against it. She was pretty, like a young Angelina Jolie. Her scrubs hugged every curve and jealousy pinged in my gut at how perfect she was. It turned to discomfort, though, when I saw the way she was looking at us.

There was a scowl plastered onto her face, full of judgment. Her eyes were stuck on Steve's arms around me, and if looks could kill, she'd have me dead in a second.

"Can you open the door for me, Bridget?" he asked, frustration laced in his voice from the way she was staring at us instead of helping.

"Of course, Stevie," she cooed, doing as she asked. He helped me in the back seat, going as far as to buckle the belt around me. My breath hitched as he did so, the proximity turning my cheeks bright red.

Bridget's face dropped as he slid in beside me and shut the door behind himself. She opened it right back, "What are you doing, Steve? Your spot is up front!"

"I'd rather sit back here with Y/N and make sure she's okay. Come on, we should get going. I'm sure she's ready to shower and rest."

She huffed, her anger embarrassingly evident, but she gave a slight nod and slammed the door, climbing into the driver's side and speeding off. My head was pounding, so I leaned on Steve's shoulder the whole time. Every now and then he'd shield me from the sun with his hands or run his fingers through my hair, keeping me as comfortable as he could.

Once we got to the fire station, he helped me out and we waved goodbye to Bridget. She gave me one more dirty look before leaving, and I hoped I would never see her again.

"There you are, Steve!" a voice joined into the mix, and I turned around to see a man about Steve's height with long curly hair approaching. He had a bag in his hand.

"Hey, Eddie," Steve greeted, "Thank you for covering my shift all night."

"All night and all morning. I'm assuming you won't be back after you take her home."

Steve looked bashful. It was cute, his cheeks turning red and his eyes averting downward.

"I promise I'll make it up to you, man. I just couldn't leave her, she needed me," he rushed out an explanation and I couldn't stifle my giggle.

"Yeah, sure she did. Come on, dude, I'm not mad. I needed the hours anyway and I'm not like you, I don't have a ton of beautiful women begging me to escort them to the hospital. My Friday night was all free."

"I don't have a ton of them either," Steve cried out defensively, "Just the one."

"Well then get her home before she decides she doesn't neeeeeeed you anymore," the other man, Eddie, winked then and turned to me, "Oh, by the way, I'm Eddie. Steve's best friend, confidant, life saver, shift coverer. I'm the reason he could be with you all night."

His tone was joking, so I played along, "Oh, well thank you so very much. I would've just died without him. As a matter of fact if he leaves my sight I'm sure I'll faint."

"Marry her," Eddie deadpanned, turning to Steve with the most ridiculously serious look on his face. The only response he got was an eyeroll. "Okay, whatever, get out of here. Here's the rest of your stuff, and what we managed to get out of Y/N's car. You can make the shift change up to me later." He handed Steve the bag and glanced my way, "And Y/N, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again. Until then, I'm glad you're okay."

Steve pulled his keys out of the bag, clicking them. A truck beeped across the parking lot and he wrapped his arm around me, helping me over to it.

The last we heard of Eddie was a scream over the parking lot, "Oh and Steve, put some clothes on that poor girl!"

He glanced down at my ripped up dress and blushed.

"Here," he handed me his turnout jacket, "Put this on."

I did as he asked and slipped back into his arms, allowing him to lift me into the passenger seat. I liked the way the material felt on me, warm and loose. It smelled of smoke but it also smelled of cinnamon and something muskier, all Steve.

As he pulled away, I decided to make small talk. It was a ten minute drive back to my house and I didn't want it to be awkward. Not that a single moment we'd already spent together had been. Steve had a way of making me feel like I was finally safe at home.

"Bridget and Eddie seemed nice," I commented. Obviously, I didn't mean the first part but I had a sinking feeling that Steve and Bridget were something of an item and I didn't want to upset him.

"Eddie is a great guy. We've known each other forever, and he's always had my back." He paused for a moment, "And Bridget was awful to you today. You don't have to pretend she wasn't."

"I just thought you and her were probably friends, or maybe even a thing, and I didn't want to say anything mean about her just in case," I smiled softly, apologetically.

"We're not. But she wants to be. She's a uniform chaser. She doesn't know the first thing about me other than my job."

"Do you get that a lot? Girls that are only interested in you because of what you do?"

"More often than you'd think. But it's okay. I guess it's better than not being wanted at all."

"You think if you were something else, something more boring, girls wouldn't want you?" My brows were furrowed in confusion. How could a man so wonderful have such a gaping insecurity?

"I didn't feel that way at first, but I guess I've become cynical over time."

"Well, I'm cynical with the best of them and I'm telling you that you're wrong," I started, "Don't get me wrong. The turnout gear is ruggedly sexy. Straight out of a calendar, really. But I wouldn't have wanted you to come to the hospital with me if you were any other fireman. I wanted you there because of how you made me feel. Safe, and taken care of."

Silence filled the air. I don't think he knew how to respond.

"What about you?" he finally asked, "That was a nice dress before it was ruined. You must've been on quite a date."

"I wouldn't call it that," I stared at my lap, color rising in my cheeks.

"Didn't go well?"

"It's not that, it's just... I wasn't really interested in him."

"What was wrong with him?"

"You ask a lot of questions," I breathed out a laugh, wanting a subject change. I felt shame, like if Steve found out the kind of men I date and why, he would drop me off and forget about me. I didn't want that. I craved more of him. More of his time, and his headspace. I hadn't known him long, but it's hard not to swoon over a man who spends hours of his time taking care of you.

"I'll stop. For now."

Shortly after he said that, we pulled into my driveway. He helped me out of his truck and into my house, commenting on how cute he thought everything was.

"Where's your bathroom? I'm gonna get the shower running for you," he turned to me and said.

"Oh," I blushed, "You don't have to do that. Really. I can manage to get around."

"I want to. I told you I would take care of you, and I'm not doing it halfway. Now should I go looking until I find it or are you gonna tell me where it is?"

"My room is down the hall, the bathroom is in there," I smiled shyly.

He didn't waste a second, pulling me back into him and let me lean on him the entire way there. I leaned against the sink as he looked around, taking the room in.

"A bath would probably be better than a shower. You're still weak, I don't want you to slip and hurt yourself."

I didn't respond, I just watched him as he turned the faucet on and felt the water, adjusting until the temperature was perfect.

"Thank you," I finally said as he finished up and stopped the drain.

"Of course. You gonna be able to get from the tub to the bed?" he asked me.

I giggled, nodding, "I think I'll manage."

"Okay... if you have any trouble or need anything, you're welcome to call me."

"How am I gonna do that without your number?"

His face went red, a silly smile crossing his lips, "Of course. You're right. Here."

He slipped his phone out, pulling up the screen to create a new contact and handed it to me. I quickly typed in my name and info and handed it back. He called me once, hanging up as soon as it rang, and nodded once affirmatively.

"There. Now you have mine, too."

"I'll call you, Steve."

"Yes, if you need anything at all."

"Okay."

He seemed reluctant to leave, and I was reluctant to let him, but he finally mumbled a goodbye and let himself out. I grinned into my hand, the butterflies still not settled.

I was not the kind of girl to feel things like I was feeling. I had a process, a way of getting through life, and it didn't involve getting hung up on the first handsome fireman I meet. I willed myself to come back to reality, but it was difficult. His face was stamped into my mind.

My phone pinged and I glanced down, his number filling my screen.

"I left my jacket. Can I stop by later and get it? And bring you dinner? I'd like to check on you anyway."

Any hope of coming back to reality flew out the window. I typed quickly and pressed send before I could talk myself out of it.

"It's a date."

#steve harrington #stranger things #steve harrington x reader #Steve Harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #fireman!steve #older!steve harrington #fireman!Steve harrington

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lesbianrobin · 6 months

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rating stobin halloween costume options that u guys submitted!

doc brown (robin) and marty mcfly (steve): 7/10 using back to the future for them is very fun but it's a bit expected... a bit normie.... also steve would just look like himself i think like it would just look like robin was an old guy and steve didn't wear a costume.

kurt russell (steve) and the thing (robin): 9/10 the thought of robin constructing some horrific sfx costume to be the thing is fucking incredible and i think steve would enjoy being sexy kurt russell. also he would definitely tell people he was kurt russell and if they said you mean rj macready? he'd be like who?

snoopy (steve) and woodstock (robin): 5/10 ok i know i KNOW it's cute in theory but think about it in practice. how would they actually do these costumes. we know they're diy'ing this. i fear this would just be like t-shirts with some marker on them and perhaps scary-looking face paint. maybe it could be cute but idk i don't have faith in them </3

bert and ernie: 10/10 this would be absolutely iconic and i think they would slay. no notes.

cagney and lacey: 6/10 i must admit this one was my idea. i think it's not recognizable enough and they'd be explaining it all night but i just love the thought of them having such a dykey couple costume.

bonnie and clyde: 7/10 once again i fear this might not be super recognizable but it is a fun idea and they'd look so hot.

ripley and the alien: 9/10 i worry about how they're gonna pull off the alien but i like to imagine that steve is wearing the panties + tank top combo and that is worth enough for me to set aside practicality.

the blues brothers: 9/10 they would look so sexy and have so much fun in their little matching suits <3

batman (robin) and robin (steve): 10/10 this would be so fucking cute and i Know they would spend the entire night waiting for somebody to say robin's name so they could both go "yes?" at the same time and then giggle like little children.

hammer and sickle: 7/10 idk how they would do this one but i thought of it weeks ago and haven't stopped laughing at my own idea since.

merry and pippin: 9/10 because when i got the ask suggesting this costume i almost cried bc it is just so precious to imagine HOWEVER if they went to a halloween party barefoot i'd have to kill myself.

shaggy and fred: 8/10 very cute but i feel like they need a scooby...

twins from the parent trap (1961): 9/10 this one is so funny to me like it's such a funny reference to make and it also implies that either they get wigs or they get the same haircut which is just an incredible visual.

princess leia (steve) and han solo (robin): 7/10 ok listen. listen hear me out. i love the gender fuckery we know this BUT i truly believe that steve would refuse to do a star wars costume if he couldn't be han solo. like i just don't think he would do it. however if she could convince him then robin would absolutely eat! it would be so sexy she would be absolutely crushing it with the ladies.

miracle max and valerie: 7/10 ok listen i support this one but it's just not my favorite. like it's funny it's unique it's original but i think steve wants to be sexy on halloween and i also suspect they would have to explain this one a lot.

salt and pepper shakers: 8/10 it's giving blues clues and i love it. very much classic couples costume but the classics are classics for a reason!

wesley (steve) and inigo montoya (robin): 10/10 hot. imagine robin doing the little monologue. steve wearing the mask. them fencing with like toy lightsabers or something. this one fucking rules.

ok that's it thank you for attending my presentation <3 love u all xoxo bye

#em talks #stranger things #steve harrington #robin buckley #genuinely platonic soulmates

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drarrily-we-row-along · 6 months

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Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

#please send help #c rambles #i'm ace and i'm having a hard time with it #genuinely- I do know this is way too much information #I won't blame anyone if no one reads all of this #but i'll love you forever if you reply with something that makes me feel a little less lost and terrified #ace

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roseverdict · 5 months

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Writing Commissions Open!

Hey howdy hey, guess who's broke and whose brain has latched on to the idea of getting a bike or a trike to get places other than the one (1) coffee shop in walking distance!

YEP. I need to open commissions.

However, I do have at least one thing going for me- I'm told I'm fairly good at writing things! Fanfic things, at least. While I'm not dumb enough to outright go "hey, pay me to write fanfiction," I figure I can at least point out some fanfics I've written that seem to have gone over well as examples of my work, since that's most of what I've got for proof of my skills.

x x

x x x

x x

I'd show more, but Tumblr won't let me add more images, and even these fought me Tooth And Nail when I was trying to format them properly. Truly a functioning website.

Hopefully these kind of give an idea of the vibes I'm strongest with, too. Pricing and rules will be under the cut. I do have a target I'm trying to reach here, but depending on how well this goes, I might end up keeping commissions open indefinitely. We'll see. :D

DM me if you're interested!

Things I'm Comfortable Writing:

Original Storylines (Brief primer on the world/characters I'll be writing with will be required)

Things like the pieces shown on my AO3 account

OCs

Y/N-style pieces (both with and without the actual usage of "Y/N")

Mild Romance

Gore/Severe Injury

Body Horror

Whump

Look, if it's in the Danny Phantom phandom and basically nowhere else, I'm probably just fine writing it, despite its intensity xD

Things I Will Not Write:

Smut. There's no shame in enjoying it, I just. Don't.

Incest. Absolutely NONE. Even leaving aside the whole debate about whether or not people should ship incest ships, I would not be able to enjoy writing it, which would make the resulting work of low quality, which would be a huge waste of time for everyone involved.

Pedophilia- specifically, ships with a minor and an adult multiple years their senior. See above. 17yo x 18yo is pushing it, but depending on the circumstances, I might allow it. They aren't exactly in completely different phases of life there. However, I'm in my 20s and don't particularly want to think about or write about kids the age of my youngest brother dating people my age or older, you feel me?

Bigotry presented to the reader as a positive thing. I'm not gonna write your favorite heroic character declaring OOC that minorities are terrible people. If you want something from the POV of a character meant to be terrible, such as someone like Fire Lord Ozai in AtLA, however, I may be willing to write it.

I reserve the right to refuse any commission and not have to explain why. Person-to-person, though, this will likely only come up if someone tries to commission something that crosses these lines and refuses to acknowledge such.

Payment: 5¢ USD per word. This works out to…

$12.50 for 250 words

$25 for 500 words

$50 for 1K words

and so on.

I'll need half the payment up front as a deposit, then the rest upon completion. If, for whatever reason, I fail to write the commission, you will be refunded in full.

If you pay me for a given number of words, I will do my best to stick to it. I will make sure you at least get your money's worth, but if I just can't quite fit the writing into the given limit, I won't charge you for the extra words. Call it 100 words or so of wiggle room.

A commission for a fic 1K or larger that runs 100 words or less over the intended length will not cost extra

A commission for a fic between 500 and 999 words that runs 50 words or less over will not cost extra

A commission for a fic 499 words or below that runs 25 words or less over will not cost extra

A commission for a fic that has enough going on to run over that limit will result in me contacting you to ask for either a scaled-down plot or payment for the extra writing.

I will not consider calling a commission complete until I can hit the target wordcount at minimum.

If it should happen that I just can't make a scene stretch to the full wordcount, but you still want to keep what is written, the words that were not written will be refunded.

#writing commissions #writing comms open #id in alt text #atla #rottmnt #tmnt #gravity falls #gf #msa #mystery skulls animated #ninjago #steven universe #steven universe: future #animator vs animation #ava/m #sticks #su #suf #trike saga

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datlokibumtho · 1 month

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EDIT: I said I'd add more, and so I shall. I swear, the more I rewatch it, the more abserdity crosses my mind. I forgot some, so I'll add those when I remember them.

Rewatching the Mugen Train Arc, and there are a few things I noticed that I shall now share with you. I will add more as I think of them.

▪︎Rengoku's mom is hot

▪︎You will never be able to convince me we didn't see Akaza's O Face during that final attack.

▪︎Why didn't Akaza just drag Rengoku along with him to escape? All that oomf he has, and you're telling me one dude is too heavy? Nezuko can carry someone easily while in baby mode and was strong enough to curbstomp Daki, and you're telling me Akaza, Upper Three, the fourth most powerful demon in existence can't drag one guy along for the ride while bailing? I'm calling that shit hard.

▪︎Tanjirou's VA knocked this shit out of the park.

▪︎I call bullshit that Rengoku didn't activate his Demon Slayer Mark during all that.

¤ Edit: I now know why that didn't happen, so nevermind this one.

▪︎While we're on the topic of Rengoku, can I just briefly express my confusion as to his dream of choice when Enmu put him to sleep? Out of everything he could have dreamed, all the scenarios his mind could have conjured up, he chose "that one time I did something extraordinary and my dad didn't give a shit" followed by any given day of the week. Tanjirou got his family back, Zenitsu got to spend time with the girl he loved, Inosuke got to do whatever the fuck that was...and Rengoku's got an alcoholic father who doesn't give a hair on a witch's tit if his kids live or die, a mom that's still dead from illness, and last Tuesday, the Tuesday before that, and the Tuesday before that, also known as his everyday life. Why? He could have had a father that was a presentable human being again, a mother that wasn't dead or ill, a happy life...and he bypassed all of that. Just. Fucking. Why.

¤Edit: upon further thought and some amateur analysis of his psyche, the dream probably revolved more around time with his brother, or his boundless optimism making him think every day is a gift or worth celebrating or special somehow. Or maybe he just has a really bad imagination.

▪︎Rengoku just gave Enmu his first brush with heartburn.

▪︎Look up the lyrics to Homura by LiSA, and I believe you will join me in saying fuck whoever chose the music. Why they gotta do that? Why?

▪︎Get you a man that's an absolute goober, a total badass, a complete and utter derp, a major sweetheart, and a super serious hot mess all at once. Get you a Flame Hashira. Get you Rengoku Kyoujurou.

▪︎"I'm a box lunch vendor" wasn't suspicious until he said it wasn't suspicious. Then it became suspicious.

▪︎Rengoku moving his ass like "Total Consentrstion Fuck You I'm A Hashira" speed mode activated. "Ecceleration Mode", for anyone that's up on older anine.

▪︎Pigtails runnin' her way through Rengokus dream world like the edge isn't invisible and she was at zero risk of slamming face first into it.

▪︎God damn, Tanjirou, right between the man-titties. Rude as fuck.

▪︎Tanjirou: smells blood in a snow storm, Muzan in the middle of Tokyo, identifies people by their scents after only meeting them once, can smell character traits

Rengoku: two cars down from them, chowing away at bento, unnoticed

Zenitsu: hears thing down to a celluar level and can figure out what something's species and intent are based solely of of their sounds of existsnce

Rengoku: two cars down from them, practically yelling "tasty" repeatedly, unnoticed

Inosuke: has super insane instincts and the ability to lock onto things miles away

Renkgoku: STILL just two cars down from them, living his best life with a crapton of bento, unnoticed

Tanjirou/Zenitsu/Inosuke: "Wonder where the Flame Hashira is."

▪︎Slasher demon: "No one's faster than me!"

The Other Speedy Stripy Boi Of The Mugrn Train Arc: "Destructive Death: Kick-Your-Ass-Faster-Than-The-Speed-Of-Sound-You-Scrub Type."

▪︎Rengoku's Dream World: sunshine, daisies, and fatherly rejection

Rengoku's Subconscious: flaming hellscape

Enmu's Lackey: "What the flip flap fuck is going on with this man?"

▪︎Enmu: shocked Zenitsu did anything while under his spell

The rest of us: "Yeah, it was always gonna go that way, chief."

BONUS: ORIGINAL WATCHTHROUGH THOUGHTS

▪︎My thought process through my original watchthrough eons ago: "Rengoku is a silly mans. Rengoku is kinda cool. Rengoku is utterly endearing. Rengoku is awesome. Rengoku is one BAMF. RENGOKU IS DEAD."

▪︎My almost simultaneous thought process through my original watchthrough eons ago: "I can't believe he dies, he's so amazing and wonderful and i love him. Ok, he dies in this fight, and now that i know the man, i instantly hate whoever did it. Oh no, he's HOT! My emotions are very mixed right now. My emotions are completely decided in their stance, and I am getting teary-eyed over yet another ficticious character."

▪︎My afterthoughts of my original watchthrough eons ago: "Akaza is the absolute worst, that pretty face, hot body and smooth af voice cannot change that. Wow, Muzan was mean to him after he did his damndest. My opinion can not change now that I have seen Senjurou, he is a wonderful little cinnamonroll, and Akaza must remain the worst. He can be terrible and still look good. I mean, are he and his utterly whorish waist and very lovely, somewhat delicately featured face really to blame or is Muzan or psychosis of some kind? Wow, that's a nice hourglass physique and horribly tragic backstory."

▪︎End conclusion from my original watchthrough eons ago: "My opinion of Rengoku has done a 180. I would die for Senjurou. I will probably never truly like Rengoku Shinjurou despite understanding that grief and disillusionment do strange things to people. Akaza is too hot, broken, and in a weird way endearing and lovable to hate. I loves me a tragic backstory and damaged man. I DO NOT HAVE A NEW SHIP I DO NOT HAVE A NEW SHIP I DO NOT HAVE A NEW SHIP"

▪︎I had a new ship

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bloodpen-to-paper · 4 months

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Heya, I don't plan to talk about it much but due to what happened with forever, who was my fav and really the heart of the project for me, I'm probably not going to post about Qsmp much anymore. Or if I do, it'll take a while. But please read if you're in the same boat as me, its kind of a ramble and you can skip certain parts but I'd like to hear your thoughts. The last couple of paragraphs touch on some stuff that I hope can help be worth your while, whether you're here for the Qsmp stuff or the mental health part.

Now this is absolutely not to say the rest of the project doesn't matter or that people should give up on it. The Qsmp is incredible and should be known for what it has achieved: breaking language barriers and uniting communities. Its wonderful, unique, and still has so much to offer in terms of content creation, so please don't let the whole of it be tarnished for what happened with one creator (we've seen that before already and it sucks). Personally, it got me back into streaming content/mcyt and I'd like to stay more present this time, its so much fun and its nice knowing I can sort of drift back and forth when new things pop up. If you're in the same boat, I encourage you to not feel like its all over immediately if you still feel a passion for this kind of work, maybe you won't get back into it but maybe you just need a bit of time. Whatever you feel, as long as you're happy and having fun you're doing it right.

So, personal feelings (which I suck at but its better than bottling my thoughts and I encourage others to do the same). I'm fucking devastated lmao. His character was my absolute hyperfixation, I'm talking 24/7 brainrot for months. I haven't felt this passionate for a character since dsmp, I honestly didn't know I could still do it. But there's another layer. I live in the U.S., and I'm Brasilian-American. In the U.S., you don't hear anyone saying shit about Brasil. You hear a lot about Mexico, but nothing really south of that, and if you do its usually about sexualizing Brasilian women or narcotics and gang stuff. Not the best representation for little me, admittedly. When you-know-who won the Qsmp Election, y'all I felt something in me spark to life that I hadn't felt since we won the Olympic soccer tournament in Rio in 2016. I'm proud to be Brasilian, I've always been proud of it, but its a pride that's been limited to sports and my own personal experiences. To see myself represented, to see Brasil naturally enter the conversation for a piece of media I loved that I didn't know would have us, and to see us win something, phew, shit got me higher than my wisdom tooth removal. We Brasilians banded together to secure the win, and what's more, my fav cc on the project was the one at the center. I felt so happy, for my country, my community, and for myself. And I know recent events might taint that memory for some of us, but I refuse to look back on my feelings from back then negatively. That was one of the best damn moments in my chronically online life, and I will always remember it with pride and joy, along with the many other moments when this wonderful server made me proud to be me.

So, naturally, when the news hit I was pretty fucked up over it. Still am tbh, but better now that I've had sleep (though it took me a while to fall asleep because of course my sleep gets ruined by bad feelings, bleh). All this to ultimately say it sucks. Like, it really fucking sucks. The anxiety, the disappointment, the sadness, and the uncertainty of "what now?". Might be sounding dramatic but again, 24/7 brainrot/serotonin supply for months that connected me to my culture abruptly cut off because of pedophile allegations. C'mon Satan, I already have to go to therapy, you didn't have to kick this horse while it was down. Joking aside, if you feel as absolute dogshit as I do and have that kind of anxiety where the world feels like its about to end because moments like these leave you with the rug pulled out from under you and the uncertainty leaves you not knowing what to do with your life after this... well, welcome to the boat, bathroom's on the lower deck and snacks are in the lobby. And also I'm here, and everyone else who's been left in the same crummy place emotionally. We're here together, and I hope that can help you, cause I know for me the worst part is feeling alone in it all, but I'm not, and neither are you. We're here, holding hands and cursing existence for putting us here and making us so sensitive and giving us something great only for it to end up hurting us. We're here, and if you wanna say anything, my DMs, comments, asks, whatever you'd want to talk through, are all open.

Now comes the hardest part: acknowledgement and playing the waiting game. Like I said, if you're feeling like me, this kind of anxiety and disappointment has you feeling like its all over. So now's when you gotta remind yourself that the only thing that's over is this moment in your life when you enjoyed a Thing. That Thing can have meant a lot to you, it could have gotten you out of really dark places, and it could be something you'll still think about down the line. It can be something like minecraft cube people that you (I) got way too emotionally attached to. And for whatever reason, that Thing could have meant the absolute world, whether other people would've understood it or not. Its not your fault it ended the way it did, life just does that sometimes, as unsatisfying of an answer as that is. But its true, and its an important lesson. The Thing is over.

You know what's not over though? You. You're life. Whatever the hell you are doing and will do in the future. If this was the best thing in your life you had going for you, I am so fucking sorry. You deserved to be happy with it, we both did. But I promise you, this Thing is a moment in your story, not the whole story. This really was the source of my joy for the past few months, and if its the same for you, I see you. We can feel like shit together, along with the rest of this wonderful community who understand it too. And you know what else we're gonna do? Live, and move on. Not now, maybe not for while, but we're human beings, we persist (sometimes that might look like you're dragging your battered self out of a trench smelling like depression and expired cheese, but you'll get out of the trench, we both will). There's too much to life for this to be what stops you from finding the rest, whether that's some dramatic life change that completely changes the world as you know it for the better... or just figuring out what comes next. Taking a shower, watching that movie you were waiting for the right moment to watch (I'd say this qualifies), setting up a therapy appointment maybe. Whatever you do to feel like a person again, you have that to do, and later down the road you'll have new Things that give it all meaning. So keep yourself going, hit up me or others who would get it, and do what you gotta do to let it pass. Because it will pass.

Deep breaths friend, I'll be cheering for you when it does

#thank you for reading #love you #take care <3 #mcyt #qsmp #qsmp forever #forever player #forever situation #psa #mental health

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blaberid · 7 months

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i marathoned all* the puppet master movies recently and i'm so out of it

*not including the 2018 reboot cuz i'm not touching that with a pole of ANY length

i'd already seen a couple of them beforehand so seeing all of them in succession was an adventure. 1-3 i'd say were the really good ones. i also really enjoyed 2-5 a lot, they were fun!

then things started going downhill pretty fast. 6 had potential but it DRAGGED oh gosh it dragged. then i was just kind of "uhh hmmm uh huh" for the next few movies. puppet master vs. demonic toys was uhh... something. corey feldman was doing his best to salvage it so it had a total of 1 (one) redeeming quality but i would never want to ever watch it again. i actually also watched demonic toys in preparation for it and i hated it BUT i did watch the version presented by elvira so that actually made it KINDA worth it.

then i got to the axis trilogy and i had to hit 2x speed to even get through them cuz holy frick idk what went wrong but those scripts... absolutely insufferable...

i still remained on my kick tho so i read the action lab comics and got total whiplash from how genuinely good they were.

now i'm just kinda sitting here going through puppet withdrawal tbh :/ really fun overall really good franchise even though i guess at this point the MAJORITY of the movies were flops to me. but aint that just the way with most massive horror franchises.

anyway here's my takeaway

#puppet master #horror #ridijournal

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zoeykallus · 2 years

Note

OMG! I just had an idea that would be so cute! What if reader found out the day that the Bad Batch were brought out of their growth chambers (or tubes I think) and decides to treat it like a birthday. Like makes a cake and gets presents and everything. Not sure if good for a headcanon or fanfic but thought it would be cute if your interested.

That is indeed a sweet idea!

The Bad Batch x Reader HC's - Happy Birthday

Fluff! Okay, maybe a little suggestive too...

____________

You got your hands on files about Clone Force 99. You are delighted to see the dates they were taken out of their tubes. It's kind of a birthday date, and you know exactly what you'll do with this information.

____________

Hunter

"Where are we going, Cyare?", he asks with a chuckle, as you lead him through the undergrowth on a forested moon.

"You'll see, just a little more patience, we're almost there"

Finally, you arrive at a clearing in the forest. The sun shines through the sun shines through the canopy of leaves above you, onto a picnic blanket. It's a beautiful, remote place, surrounded by blooming trees and bushes.

A large cooler bag stands next to the blanket, containing drinks, snacks and a festive cake. You ask him to sit down and unpack everything.

Hunter looks at everything, amazed. His dark gray eyes widened.

"What's this all about? Are we celebrating something? It's not our anniversary. What did I miss?"

You beam at him and say, "Your birthday, Hunter!"

"What?"

He's pretty puzzled.

"Cyare... I don't have a birthday"

"Yes you do... in a way", you say with a smile and grab something hidden under the cake.

It's a present, a package wrapped in colorful paper. As you hand it to him, he slowly, carefully takes it.

"I don't understand", he says with a sweet but confused little smile.

"I found data about you. About the day when you left the tube. I'd consider it your birthday"

Hunter chuckles, "I didn't even know the date"

"Well, now you do. Open the present, please"

You watch him excitedly as he unwraps the gift and reveals a fine wooden, lengthy case. There is an emblem engraved in the wood.

"No way", he says a little breathless, recognizing the symbol, it's the symbol of a vibro-knife manufacturer, the best one there is.

"Open the case", you say with a wide grin.

Inside is a vibro-knife, probably the finest he's ever seen, it's engraved with his name and the Clone Force 99 emblem.

"Cyare! That must have cost a fortune!"

You laugh softly and say, "It took a while to gather the credits for it, but it's absolutely worth that look on your face"

He feels warm and giddy. It's probably the best gift he ever received and the fact that you made all this for him, even giving him his very first birthday celebration, makes him love you even more.

Hunter smirks at you.

"You know, since it's my birthday, and we are alone for the first time in weeks, I'd have a special birthday wish"

"Oh? Are you even old enough for that?", you chuckle.

"No, but I'm still a grown man"

You beckon him closer with your finger.

"Show me"

Echo

You two sit in a rooftop restaurant on Naboo. You invited Echo and you can see he is nervous the whole time. He knows something is going on, but he's not sure what.

"Relax, love", you say softly, "The reason why we are here is a good thing"

He chuckles and relaxes a little.

The view is stunning, a lake nearby, flora is in its full bloom and the buildings around are so pretty.

After dinner, at desert, he finally asks, "Okay, but why are we here today? Is there something special going on that I missed?"

You can't help but chuckle.

"Echo, my love, would you please relax for a moment?"

"I'm relaxed"

"No, you are not"

"Of course I am"

With a knowing smile, you cock an eyebrow at him.

"I know you good enough to know that you are not"

Echo sighs.

"Okay. Maybe I'm a little nervous. This is a really fancy restaurant, and we haven't had much time for each other lately, so I thought... maybe this is your way of breaking up with me and trying to let me down easy"

You gasp, "What? That's what you thought this is? You were supposed to enjoy this! It's for your birthday!"

"My what now?"

You sigh and wave at the waiter, "Bring me the package please"

As you turn back to Echo, you explain, "I found files about you, with the date of the day when you got out of the tube"

Echo raises his brows then smiles softly.

"Oh, and you thought it's like a birthday?"

"Yeah! Why not?"

Echo's smile widens.

"I like the idea. This is really sweat, Cyare"

The waiter comes with the package and puts it in front of Echo. It's a big box, wrapped in colorful paper.

"A gift? For me?"

You nod.

"Yes. A birthday gift"

He unwrapped it, opened the metal box underneath and looked inside. Echo seems puzzled. You get a bit nervous.

“The color isn’t final yet, but Tech and I thought you’d be happy about it”, you say softly.

Echo blinks, not so sure how he should feel. So far, his arm had never bothered you, or at least that’s what he’d thought.

“That’s very nice but… what am I supposed to do with a dummy?”

You chuckle, “It’s not a dummy, Tech and I would never give you a dummy! Do me a favor, let me install it, and you’ll see what I mean”.

Doubting and a bit reluctant, he finally nods and holds out his artificial arm to you. You unscrew almost all the parts down to the stump that is still there from his real arm. Doing this in the middle of a restaurant earns you strange looks, but you don't give a damn.

“Okay now don’t get nervous this is going to feel weird because I’m connecting the hand to the artificial neurons and nervous system”.

He swallows, but nods.

When you make the connection and attach the arm, his eyes are big. He holds his breath.

“Breathe Echo” you say softly, “Try to move the fingers”.

“I can feel it, I can feel the hand,” he whispers.

You smile at him and kiss his new fingers, make him shudder and give him goosebumps.

"Happy birthday, my love"

Wrecker

You two sit on top of the Marauder. It's evening and the sun is slowly going down at the horizon, painting the sky in beautiful colors. You've prepared a load of snacks and sweets for your man, which he is enjoying with you right now, watching the sky change its colors.

"You prepared all my favorites", he realizes, "Did I miss something? It's not our anniversary, is it?"

You laugh, "No Wrecker. It's just for you. For your birthday."

He cocks an eyebrow at you.

"My what?"

"Your birthday"

"You do know I'm a clone, right?"

You chuckle, "Yes, Wrecker, I'm aware. But I found data on you with the date of the day when you left the tube. I thought we could count it as your birthday"

He grins.

"Oh I get it, nice idea Mesh'la, that's really sweet, thanks!"

He kisses your cheek and bites into another snack you made for him. He's beaming all over, enjoying what you made for him, warmed by the feeling that you think of him in such a loving way.

As the sun is gone and the sky is dark, you light a few candles and say, "The snacks are not all you get"

"Really? What else do I get?", Wrecker asks, excited.

"Tech helped me with it, look up, over there to the mountains"

Wrecker does as you said with wide eyes. Just a second after, the fireworks start. All kinds of colors light up the sky in a beautiful rhythm and composition, Tech had outdone himself.

"Woah!"

Wreckers eyes are so big, and he looks up into the sky like a little boy getting the most amazing gift ever. You breathe a sigh of relief as you see how fascinated and happy he is with this gift.

"Thanks Mesh'la", he says breathlessly, "That's so amazing!"

"Don't forget, Tech did most of the work. I just had the idea and brought the material"

He softly grabs you and pulls you on his lap, wrapping his arms around you, as you keep watching the show.

Wrecker kisses the top of your head and says, "You make me such a happy man, Cyare"

You reply softly, "Happy Birthday, my big guy"

Tech

You wait for him in the engine room. Nervously, you walk up and down the engine room, when he finally arrives.

"There you are!", you say, relieved.

Tech smiles, "Of course. You asked me to come, so why shouldn't I come?"

You chuckle and give him a kiss.

"Now, what's it that you want to show me?", he asks.

You step aside and reveal a new set of tools wrapped in a red bow.

"A gift"

"Oh. Thank you Mesh'la!"

Tech comes over and looks at all the tools.

"These are excellent ones", he says surprised, "High quality. But what's the occasion?"

"Your birthday", you say, smiling.

Tech turns around to look at you, and he sees you holding out a cake to him with burning candles. For a second he wonders where you hid that before, but actually he doesn't care. He gets all warm and smiles brightly at you.

"Cyare, strictly speaking, I don't have a birthday"

"Yes you do. I found a file with the date of the day when you came out of your tube. It's not exactly the same, but I think it counts"

"It is a lovely idea", he admits.

You explain, "Traditionally, you have to blow out the candles and make a wish. But don't say it out loud, or it won't come true"

He laughs softly.

"Such a sweet sentiment. Well, if you insist. But I wouldn't know what to wish for, I'm very happy the way things are, actually", he pauses to give you a little kiss, "I couldn't be any happier"

Your ears and face get warm, and you chuckle, "You are a real charmer, aren't you?"

Tech thinks for a moment, then finally blows out the candles.

He asks, "How about we both eat a piece of this beautiful cake and then, I'll show you how to work with those tools you gifted me?"

"If that's what you want to do on your birthday. It's your day"

He smiles softly, "it would make me happy if you let me teach you a little"

"Okay, I'd do anything for you. I go get plates and forks", you say and kiss his cheek "Happy birthday, my beloved genius"

Crosshair

You thought about it for a while, and you don't really know how to approach it, but you do want to do something for him. He's not the kind for sentimental stuff, but you just hope he'd still be happy.

"What's on your mind?", Crosshair asks, eying you scrutinizing.

Of course, he's on to you. He always senses when something is up with you. Always.

"I got something for you"

His toothpick rolls from one side of his mouth to the other.

"You do?"

"Yes, a gift"

He blinks.

"Why? What did I miss? Is this one of these anniversary things?"

"It's your birthday"

He scoffs with a little smirk, "Kitten, I don't have a birthday"

You shrug and say, "Not in a traditional sense, but I found data about the day when you came out of the tube. It kind of counts as a birthday"

"Hmm", he hums, "If you want to see it like that"

"Yes I do"

He shrugs.

"Fine with me"

You give him a wrapped package. You chose a simple color, a royal blue. You know he wouldn't fancy colorful wrapping.

Crosshair looks at you, questioning.

"You have to unpack it, rip the paper off"

He does as you said and opens the box that's in the wrapping. There is a new silencer of the highest quality for his rifle, as well as high tear cleaning utensils for his rifle.

"That's pretty neat, thanks, Kitten"

He lifts your chin with two finger to steal you a kiss.

"What do you say? How about a celebration? Some drinks, some music, some time alone? Just the two of us".

He uses his seductive voice, and he knows either way, you are not going to say no.

"I thought you'd never ask", you chuckle.

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@puppetswithteeth

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rggz · 27 days

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majima's fake kansai dialect explained

got this video in my youtube recommended earlier and a lot of people in the comments seemed confused as to how exactly it is that majima's speaking differently in this scene and i love to ramble so. here we are. bit of linguistic meta under the cut :)

quick disclaimer though: i'm not a native japanese speaker nor am i an expert on kansai dialect so there'll likely be some oversights and nuances that i didn't pick up on here. so just remember that this is all for fun. ok?

1. だ (da) vs や (ya)

i'm going to try not to use too much linguistic jargon here so please bear with. in standard japanese the copula (essentially a verb that means "to be" when describing a quality possessed by the subject of the sentence, eg. the sky is blue) "だ" is used in casual speech, whereas in kansai dialect "や” is used instead. listen to the sentence translated as "if you want out, now is the time", and you'll hear the difference - instead of ending his sentence with や as he would when he speaks in kansai dialect, majima uses だ.

2. いる (iru) vs おる (oru)

listen to the sentence translated as "but you've got yasuko". he uses the verb いる (to be (in a location, doing an action, etc.) or to have, for animate objects) to say that saejima has yasuko, whereas in kansai dialect the verb おる is used instead.

3. いい (ii) vs ええ (ee)

see: "saejima, are you really sure you want to leave her behind?". literally, this would translate to "saejima, is it really okay to leave her behind?" (with the word いい translating to okay). in kansai dialect ええ is used in place of いい.

4. 本当 (hontou) vs ほんま (honma)

see the same sentence as no. 3, where instead of using the kansai "ほんま" to mean really (lit. truth), majima uses the standard "本当".

5. いる (iru) vs おる (oru): the squeakuel

adding an extra note on this one because interestingly, even after saejima calls him out on him slipping up, majima doesn't switch straight back to kansai dialect. see the line "i'm fucking serious here" - the actual dialogue translates literally to "[hey] you, when people are talking seriously-".

the japanese present continuous is formed by putting the verb into て (te) form and adding the verb いる to express continuity - to be doing something. "are talking" is translated from "喋ってる" (shabetteru - note that the い sound of いる is omitted in casual speech). however if you've noticed a pattern here, you might think that in kansai dialect the verb おる would be used instead, and you'd be correct.

this construction is used by saejima in the previous line, where he says "you're forgetting your kansai dialect" (though this is translated as "your kansai accent's slipping"). 忘れて (te form of wasureru, to forget) is added to おる (to be). note however that て＋おる becomes とる (toru).

it's worth mentioning, though, that none of these are absolute rules (especially not nowadays among younger people). rather these observations were largely based on what majima tends towards using himself in general throughout the series. even in the first half of the same cutscene, i think the difference is pretty stark.

that being said though i do think it's also easy to miss - it's not so much a difference in accent or the way the words themselves sound as it is a case of differences in grammar, words used, expressions, etc.

however, there are definitely differences in intonation between kansai and kanto dialects - in fact, because majima's va is from tokyo he had trouble getting the intonation right, and as such it's a liiiitle off in places, but everyone was sort of just like meh. it's majima so it's fine. therefore, i reckon it tracks that majima doesn't sound too different between dialects and is actually a cool bit of characterisation, albeit unintentional.

as for where he's actually from, it could really be anywhere, but given that regional dialects were a lot more prevalent and stronger even just in the 80s, i'd wager that he is indeed from somewhere in kanto.

this would all suggest too that majima fully mastered his use of kansai dialect in sotenbori, which would make sense. excluding his sequence as the lord of the night in which he uses keigo (specifically a combination of kenjougo - humble language which lowers the speaker - and sonkeigo - respectful language which puts the listener at a higher position), majima has no other instances of his dialect slipping that i've noticed despite how serious much of yakuza 0 is. note that this is not to say kansai dialect doesn't have honorific speech, just that majima is using standard honorific speech, and even this contains interjections of kansai dialect.

as a little related tidbit, something else i noticed is that the only other person majima uses keigo with is shimano (1) (2) (3). not nearly to the business level that he uses as the lord of the night, but it's there (as is his kansai dialect, as he still uses おる and other kansai language that i won't go into here for brevity's sake). instead of using や as an ending particle he uses です (desu, the keigo - specifically teinego or polite language - equivalent of だ), and uses verbs in their teineigo ます (masu) form. he doesn't use it with sagawa, and not even with terada as the 5th chairman in the majima saga.

anyway, that's all :) i was rambling about this to myself in my notes app anyway so i thought why not share it in case anyone else is interested too. ty for reading!

#rgg #ryuu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #yakuza 0 #yakuza 4 #like a dragon #majima goro #goro majima #rgg meta #yakuza meta #Ryu ga Gotoku meta

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shares-a-vest · 4 months

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💖 Fic Writing Review 2023 💖

I was tagged by @penny00dreadful @rocknrollsalad @cranberrymoons and @unclewaynemunson Thanks everyone! You all smashed it in 2023. Here's to more words wording and fun fandom times with our faves.

Tbh, it took me a good month minute to work out how to do this, seeing as I don't post much to ao3 (something I intend on mending in 2024). I'm very much going with the 'feel free to show whatever stats you like' aspect of the rules.

But before all that, I'd like to use this post as an opportunity to acknowledge everyone who enjoys my writing. I kinda just fell into writing in this fandom and discovered that I love it!

I'm also sending love and appreciation to my beloved moots and everyone in the stwg discord server. Here's to another year of creating, sharing and interacting 💖

This fandom really is my happy place a lot of the time, a much-needed creative outlet and a space where I can talk to people who let me be my silly little old self.

I have so much I want to write in 2024 (including some in-the-works stuff listed below). One goal I know I have in 2024 is to write what I'll temporarily title, 'The Origin of Joanie Munson'. I would really like to knuckle down and write a looonnnggg fic this year that would tell that story.

Anyway, enough of me talking, I'll stop before I get too sappy...