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ladylooch · 1 year

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Loving & Leaving- Part 4

Visit the series page here.

A/N: Now, we are seeing a shift for our little “non- lovers”. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that 😘 Thank you so much for your love and support on this one. It’s been dreamy and exciting!

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Swearing, lots of vomit talk, pregnancy, angst.

The month of December is hell on earth for event planners. Between your own personal celebrations leading up to the holidays and your client's, you never have a moment to yourself. I’ve seen the inside of my house for a maximum of two hours since I returned back from America. The other times I’ve been there its falling into a pile of exhaustion on my bed before my alarm goes off to do it all over again. My work weeks have transitioned into 70+ hours. At least I know there is light at the end of this tunnel when I return to New Jersey with my parents on Tuesday.

Then, I’ll be able to spend time with them and… hopefully Timo, depending on if I can slip away or not. Communication between the two of us has been limited the last two weeks. I’ve responded to his texts and we have shared a few brief phone calls. At least he’s understanding and supportive. It helps that his season is ramping up and requires a majority of his focus.

We send pictures and TikTok’s, but I haven’t responded to those in five days. I’ve missed every one of his FaceTime calls this week too. Despite my admitted history, I am honestly not avoiding him. The grind of the holiday season is simply catching up with me. I find myself falling asleep the moment I sit down on my couch with a glass of wine. When I’m awake, I feel so overwhelmed that even keeping up with my friends and family here is disappearing from my never ending list. I’m overwhelmed, nearing burn out and honestly, sick. So sick. The last three days, my body has seemingly rejecting all this stress with a nausea I can’t seem to shake.

Which brings me to where I am now, puking, knees quivering on the tiled bathroom floor of an event center for the third time in three days. It’s my last event before Christmas and I’ve spent more time in the bathroom tonight than anywhere else. This is a different kind of sick. It feels like my body is purging everything I put into it before I can get any sort of benefit from it. All I ate was a piece of bread, fast, while rushing back from a dessert emergency in the kitchen. I barely got the last bite down before I was sprinting back to the bathroom.

“What is wrong with me?” I moan, laying the side of my head against the stall. I move to wipe the back of my hand across my mouth. I rest my forearm into my breast and groan at the tenderness. Awareness begins to seep into my thoughts. “No. This is not happening.” I whisper to the empty bathroom.

The door swings open and I grimace, not wanting to have any of the guests of my high-end client hear me. I thought I would have some time alone with the speaking part of the program under way.

“Em, are you okay?” Rhea, my assistant and long-time friend, asks.

“Um.” I pause, pressing the back of my hand furthering into my wet lips. My stomach lurches and I vomit again. I can hear Rhea sigh outside of the stall.

“This isn’t like you.” She says what we are both thinking. I’m rarely sick. This is new. “I’ll be back.” She calls before leaving the bathroom. I sit on my knees, eyes screwed shut, spitting into the toilet. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, seeing Timo’s FaceTime call. I can’t answer that right now. Not when I think… I won’t let myself even finish the thought.

Rhea returns, kicking a pink, pregnancy test box under the stall. The woman on the front grins joyfully. I can’t say I feel the same. I consider denying that I need one of these, but Rhea and I spoke this morning about how weird my cycle has been. I had my period a few weeks ago, but it was almost non-existent. I chalked it up to stress, except… now I’m sick.

“How do you just have one of these?” I mumble, hating that we are both on the same page.

“At some point, these things are like strips of gum in your purse.”

We fall quiet.

“This is a low moment for me.” I mutter, ripping the box open. “Taking a… test at a client event is so embarrassing.” I work my way to sitting on the toilet.

“You need to be able to eliminate this.” She responds, leaning against the bathroom door. I scowl, hearing my phone vibrate against the toilet paper dispenser. I know that’s him again. So does Rhea. He has the same routine. Calls three times and leaves a message on the third. “Interesting timing. At least you'll know who’s baby it is.” I glare at the stall door as I snap the cap of the test back on.

“Can I have a minute here?” Guilt squeezes my throat at how unfriendly my tone sounds. My whole world seems up in the air right now and I just need her to stop talking.

But the absence of Rhea’s voice makes my phone vibrating louder until it feels like it’s rattling between my ears. A ping echos in the bathroom signaling a voicemail. I grab my phone, listening to his message.

“Hey Em… uh, it’s me again. Look, I know you’re busy but I’m going to be honest this feels like you’re kinda ignoring me. Did I do something? Or… *heavy sigh* I don’t know. Can you just call me? I miss you. We play tonight, but call me.. I’ll pick up. Just… I want to know you’re okay. Bye.”

My bottom lip trembles at the sound of his voice. No. I am not okay, sitting on the floor of this bathroom, trying not to puke again at the reality of the test in my hand. Worried tears build as I sense the two minutes pass. I know the test is ready, can feel it in my shaking hands and the passing of another song from the band beyond this room.

I move my fingers and die at the distinct plus sign that greets me.

“Fuck.” I cry, throwing the test down on the floor. It bounces underneath to the next stall. My abdomen shakes with sobs and terror as I clasp my hand over my mouth. “Fuck.” I say into my palm again, quieter, listening to the classical strings float into the bathroom from the event space. The soft music is an ironic soundtrack to my whole world crashing down on top of me. I look up at the ceiling, tears crawling from the corners of my eyes. They drip into my ears as I shake against the cold floor.

What am I going to do?

How am I going to tell Timo?

A few days later, after arriving in New Jersey for Christmas, I’ve come to the, admittedly, irrational decision that maybe I just won’t. It’s been an exhausting few days that’s accompanied more nausea and tons of smell aversions. One of them is eggs which Nico is innocently frying up for breakfast.

“You want some?” He asks me as he cracks three eggs for himself.

“No.” I can barely respond without gagging.

Our parents went off on their own for a walk around the city and to grab a cup of their favorite coffee. Usually, I would join them, but my stomach has been so touch and go this morning that I didn’t think I could. Nico continues to move the eggs around and they get more fragrant. I try to switch breathing through my mouth, but the smell seems to coat my tongue. My stomach squeezes and I rush from the kitchen with my hand clasped over my mouth. Nico watches my back with confusion. I return to the kitchen wordlessly when I am done, grabbing a glass of water. Nico stares, eyebrows cocked in question.

“Not sure that motion sickness lasts for days, Em. Maybe you need to see a doctor. I can ask one of the team doctors if they can come over?” I’ve already seen a doctor to confirm my pregnancy. And the thought of getting a team official involved has my throat tightening. I come back to the counter, slowly sitting down and rubbing at the tense muscles in my neck. My gaze drifts to the dining room table, grimacing at the reminder it’s one of the places we could have conceived this baby.

I was so stupid to start us down this road. Yes, I’m on the pill. Yes, I take it regularly. No, I have no idea how this happened. When I brought it up to my doctor, she shrugged, saying no birth control options are completely guaranteed. Then she handed me the sonogram I didn’t ask for, that’s now tucked in my suitcase, buried beneath all my clothes.

I watch Nico scrape his eggs onto a plate, then sprinkle more salt and pepper onto the fluffy peaks. He’s right here in front of me, but it feels like we are a thousands of miles apart. Loneliness grips my heart, making my eyes wet as Nico comes to sit by me. The heaviness of being the only person who knows weighs on me. But, here, in his kitchen, I can feel my little brother’s safety being stable enough to take some of that weight from me. I’m going to tell him, I decide as he shuffles his eggs around, spearing a few onto his fork.

“It’s not motion sickness. I’m pregnant.” I tell Nico, who pauses with his eggs at his open mouth. The egg flies off when he exhales sharply. I bite my tongue against the vomit pressing into my esophagus.

“What?”

“And it’s Timo’s.” I didn’t intend to tell him, but it flew out before I could stop it.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.” Surprise absorbs my face now. “I know you two fuck around.” He motions at me with his fork. “Have for years. You two are awful at hiding your obsession with each other.” My mouth is slightly slack as he stabs the egg back on his fork. He stuffs it into his mouth and continues while he chews. “Never understood why you wouldn’t go all in.”

“Because I have a life in Switzerland.”

“Yeah, that’s gone now.” He swipes the air in front of me with his fork again, gesturing to the pregnancy. I narrow my eyes at his bluntness and obvious lack of empathy. “What did Timo say when you told him?” I am silent. He brings his brown eyes back to mine, squinting. “You did tell him, right?” More silence “Emma.” He snaps.

“I just found out.” I defend myself. “Not that I really owe you an explanation.”

“Get dressed.” Nico says, pointing down the hall to my room. “You’re going to tell him now.”

“No, I am not.”

“Yes, you are. It should have been your first stop when you got here.”

“I can’t just show up at his-”

“Are you keeping his baby?” He cuts me off. A heavy inhale pulls my lips apart.

“Yes.” I say without question. It never crossed my mind to not go through with this.

“Then get downstairs.” His voice is final, like there is no reason to continue to argue further with him.

“When did you stop being my protector?” I grumble while rising to leave the counter.

“Who says I stopped?” His stare is pointed. “Go.” His tone has softened at the obvious tears in my eyes. “I wouldn’t send you if I didn’t think it would be okay.”

I try to remember those words as I stare at Timo’s apartment door seven minutes later. I thought about texting him, but then there would be so much small talk and I can’t do that right now. I contemplate bailing, but my brother comes to mind, knowing he’s going to expect a report from the conversation when I return.

“Damn you, Nico.” I mutter as I raise my hand to knock.

I wait for a minute, maybe two, gripping the sleeves of my sweatshirt in my hands. No sound comes from the other side of the door. I think I might get off easy. I even turn to head back towards the elevator. Then the sound of the lock flipping halts me. My stomach drops out of my body, hitting the floor and flopping around in unease.

“Hey.” Timo is breathless as he opens the door. He is wearing a pair of jeans, waistband of his Calvin Klein underwear taut against his abdomen. He stands shirtless in the entry way, rubbing a towel over his hair. The brown strands flop against his forehead as he looks expectantly at me. He looks so sexy, warm and welcoming, with a gentle familiarity. “Didn’t realize you were in Jersey.” He becomes obviously tiffed, understandable since I dropped off the face of the planet… again.

“Yeah.” My voice is breaking, so I clear my throat. “I’ve been here for a couple of days.” I say, fingers twisting the cotton tighter in my palms.

“Ah.” His voice goes flat and he looks away in annoyance. “So we are back to you ignoring me?” I shake my head, dropping my eyes to the floor. I feel queasy and start shaking. I hope he can’t tell.

“Can I come in?” He pauses, dropping the towel down to his side, like he might not let me. But him and I both know that’s now how it goes with us. The smell of his cologne is strong with my heightened senses and I cough in discomfort as I walk past him.

“I’m going to get a shirt.” He disappears down the hall, coming back in a black t-shirt that hugs his body. He runs his fingers through his wet hair while looking at me. “I don’t have long. I’m… meeting a friend.” I stare at him, wondering if it’s a friend of the female variety. I really don’t have a right to ask, so I don’t. My gaze drops to the couch. “It’s just Kevin, Em. The Kings are playing the Islanders.” He crosses his arms and leans back against the island of his kitchen well across the room from me. His biceps bulge against the fabric as he studies me. “You don’t look like you came here for small talk. What’s up?”

“I’m pregnant.” It’s abrupt. I know. Almost too fast for him to catch in real time, but I can’t hold it in anymore. The words are too full and tumble from my mouth in a rush. My heart shutters with each anxious beat. I bravely lift my eyes back to him.

Timo seemingly glitches. He is confused, not quite understanding, like he wants to ask me to repeat what I said. Then, I watch as the registration gradually fills his body. He begins to stand taller, eyebrows dashing up his forehead. When it clicks, his blue eyes widen in alarm.

“Mine?” He asks quietly. I try not to flinch at the question, realizing he will, logically, want a paternity test. He has assets and money and a career to protect. Funny, I thought being pregnant without a boyfriend was the most shameful thing I’ve done in my life. I think that experience is going to top it. Eventually, I nod in response as tears fill my eyes. He pushes out a loaded breath that fills my chest with discomfort. I look briefly back to his face, seeing a million emotions dash across his features, none of them actually registering.

I can’t watch him process anymore. I begin to soothe myself with internal thoughts. It doesn’t really matter what he wants from this. I’ve already made my decision. I’m only here because Nico forced me. I cross my arms over my tender chest, walking towards the windows to see the city skyline. Tears distort the buildings together. I’m collapsing under so many different emotions. It’s like I’m seeing that plus sign all over again.

A drop slides from my left eye, gradually dragging down my cheek. I reach my hand up, flicking it away. My teeth dig into my trembling lip as I sniffle. Timo’s hand comes along my upper back, wrapping around my neck and gliding me into his body. His other hand wraps around my waist as he buries his face into my cheek. I enclose my arms around him, shoving my face into his chest and releasing my suffocating sobs into his shirt.

“I’m freaking out.” I squeak.

“I know. It’s going to be okay.” Even as his voice shakes, he is so, so gentle with me. His hands press me into his body like he wants to absorb and shield me. “What do you want to do?” He whispers into my hair. “It’s your choice.”

“I’m gonna do this… I’m keeping the baby. ” I tell him. I can feel his body deflate beneath me. For a moment, I don’t know why, but then he presses his face deeper into my hair, kissing my scalp with feathery kisses meant to soothe.

“Okay. I’m happy to hear that.”

I nod, glad that he isn’t pressuring me any which way. I don’t think I could handle his anger with me for wanting to see this through.

“Em, I’m here. You don’t have to do this alone.” I begin to tremble in his arms. He’s not even questioning further about this being ours. “Does Nico know?”

“Yeah. About everything. He is why I am here.”

“You weren’t going to tell me?” He stiffens, pain deepens his voice which makes me feel like shit.

“I.. well yeah, but maybe when we ran into each other in July and I was 9 months pregnant.” I pull back, tilting my chin to see his face. It’s calm and measured, which helps soothe some of the turmoil in me. He reaches up for my cheeks, stroking his thumbs to collect my tears.

“July?”

“Yeah, I confirmed everything at the doctor on Monday. I’m due July 26th.”

“Off-season.” He murmurs with appreciation. “Most NHL couples plan for years to get a July birthday.” I look away with a scrunched nose at the word couple, causing a heavy sigh to drop his shoulders. “Can we agree right now that you’re going to stop fighting the way you feel about us? Please. For our kid?” He says it so casually, like he’s used to and accepted the idea of our kid. My heart grows in my chest for him.

“Becoming a mom isn’t the only thing I’m terrified of.” I confess.

“Baby, I’ve promised you since day one that I would take care of you. I’m not going to let anything hurt you, including me.” He is so sure as he speaks to me. I drop my forehead back to his chest.

“Do you really want this?” I whisper to him, even as he wraps me tighter into his arms, tears dashing down my cheeks again. “You don’t have to do this.” I pull back, reaching up to hold his face in my hands. My thumbs rippling his skin with their pressure.

“You’re all I’ve wanted for years.” He presses our lips together. I cry into his mouth, feeling overwhelmed with everything that has and will happen between us. I feel like I don’t deserve this. Not his sweetness or his understanding at our situation.

“I’m sorry.” I bubble out between sobs. He runs his hand up my back to my head, encouraging my forehead to rest against his shoulder as he rocks us gently. There’s a whole laundry list I could apologize for, but I start with the big one. “I shouldn’t have taken the condom away from you. This is all my fault.”

“Weird, I thought I was the one who came inside of you… three times.” He chuckles at the memory.

“I encouraged it.”

“We both did.” He takes his share of the blame easily from me.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I need him to know that.

“I know, Emma. You’ve been trying to get out of loving me for years. You would never do this on purpose.” I stare at him with blurred vision, blinking so the tears fall down my cheeks. Now I can see him clearly, looking at me like he might finally get the chance to love me for the rest of our lives. I swallow hard, then let myself surrender to him for good.

“I’ve loved you for a really long time, T.” I hum, eyes brightening in earnest with my confession.

He smiles because unlike me, he already knew that.

#TM: Loving & Leaving #Timo Meier #Timo Meier smut #Timo Meier series #New Jersey devils #my writing #hockey fan fiction #hockey writing #NHL writing

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noelwho · 9 months

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Ultimate Chronological Order Imodna Playlist!!!

Hello! I feel like I have to introduce myself ‘cause I’m barely on Tumblr. I’m still learning how to use it, I posted a couple of fanarts and they went really well, so I want to try and make myself a spot in here. My name is Noel (they/them) and I’m a big fan of Critical Role. I started watching a few months ago, with Exandria Unlimited. Once I was done I went ahead and started Campaign 3. I’m currently on episode 49 (I know, I have a lot ahead yet). I also watched the first season of Candela Obscura and a couple of One-Shots.

Today I’m here to talk about the Lesbian Southern Gothic Witches. Earlier this week I started to obsess over a playlist. An Imodna playlist, to be more specific. It started with me listening to one I found on spotify (I will credit below because it’s been a huge inspiration for this project) and I got the urge to make my own. At the beginning it was something chill, something normal…until it was not. Over the course of the last 3 days I haven’t thought about or listened to anything else. I got the idea of making the playlist in chronological order and I started to take it very seriously. I divided their history in 10 different chapters and assigned each song to the correct time period. At first it was just gonna be into chapters, but then I started to put them in order inside the chapters too, and it became very personal. For real, this playlist has been the one and only thing I wanted to talk about for days. Last night I finally finished it. I’ve played it for run tests several times and I think it’s finally ready to see the light (kinda feels like the project of my life even though I only spent a few days working on it).

After all this brainrot it didn’t feel right to just tweet a link to the playlist, I wanted the world to know everything that went through my head in the process of making this. I also don’t have many people around who care about Critical Role, and I thought it was a good opportunity to connect with the fandom. So all of this took me here, to tumblr. All of a sudden it became very clear that this was the perfect place to set my baby free.

There’s some things I wanna make clear before you start reading, the first being the classic: english is not my first language. Sounds like a joke at this point but for real, it’s very likely that this thing is full of grammatical mistakes and I want to apologize in advance (specially about the in/on/at situation, I’ve been having lots of trouble with those for some reason) This is also the first time I do something like this so it may not be perfect. The second thing is that this will obviously be filled with spoilers. In fact I actually haven’t even got to The Scene, I saw it around on Tumblr and Twitter (impossible to avoid that spoiler, but I don’t really care). I’m aware that there’s a lot of Imodna moments that I haven’t seen yet, but I couldn't wait to start this playlist. I don’t know if the episodes I have left to watch will translate into new chapters or into new songs for the chapters I already have but either way, I will keep this post and the playlist updated.

With that being said, welcome to this ride through an unhinged mind. Fasten your seatbelts and enjoy!

The tether scene is one of my favorite ones. I love that metaphor with a passion. That’s why I chose this name for the playlist. With the photo I wanted to make an allusion to the red thread myth given that Laudna herself carries around a spool of red string. I even edited the picture so the hands on the right are slightly gray like Laudna’s.

There’s not just one specific vibe to this playlist, but I find it to be a very calming one, with the exception of some specific moments that we will talk about later. I tried to avoid strong and distracting beats so I could keep it a little ethereal. Lots of acoustic guitar (which I love). I’m not going to talk about every single song because some of them have pretty obvious meanings. Usually the songs aren't a 100% match, but they do have a part to it that speaks to me and to the story on a certain level.

× Imogen and Laudna’s separate lifes ×

At the beginning of the journey that is this playlist, I wanted to introduce the characters. Intertwining their songs, we get to know Imogen and Laudna’s pasts, before they have each other to face the terrors of being witches in a world that doesn’t quite understand them.

Delilah - Florence + The Machine (Laudna)

I sometimes wonder if Marisha has ever listened to this song, because oh my fucking god. I wanted to start the playlist with Abbey, I didn’t because with the intertwining I couldn’t make it fit, but this one is a very good start as well. This song shows perfectly how it must have been being brought back by Delilah and having that power all of a sudden.

Abbey - Mitski (Imogen)

Matilda - Harry Styles (Laudna)

Imogen - Nick Mulvey (Imogen)

Laudna's lullaby - Ginny Di (Laudna)

Time comes in roses - Bess Atwell (Imogen)

The Tradition - Halsey (Laudna)

Burn it down - Daughter (Imogen)

There’s several songs from this album on this playlist. It couldn’t fit better. It reflects perfectly the moment Imogen started to develop her powers. It even refers directly to the way she parts ways with her town (which doesn’t happen for a few chapters but still I felt this one belonged here). Her fear of being a disappointment, her father becoming absent, the feeling of being cursed. It’s all here.

The hanging tree - The hunger games (Laudna)

Still I wait - Anna Leone (Both)

Even with everything they had to go through, they both still wait and cling to hope.

× Imogen and Laudna meet ×

Finally, their paths cross. They experience the feeling of warmth for the first time in a long time. They both feel the need to keep the other one close and begin to appreciate the little things in life, learning how to be taken care of. Goodbye loneliness.

Season of the Witch - Lana Del Rey

I'd like to walk around in your mind - Vashti Bunyan

How important is this song knowing what Imogen can do…

Comfortable Silence - Bella Porter

Without you without them - Boygenius

A hole in the earth - Daughter

That Moon Song - Gregory Alan Isakov

Love brought weight - Old Sea Brigade

That distant shore - Steven Universe

Sick of losing soulmates - Natalie Dawn

I Hear a Symphony - Cody Fry

Sidelines - Phoebe Bridgers

The bug collector - Haley Heyderickx

Sometimes I feel that it’s always Laudna taking care of Imogen, as if she didn't have anything on her own plate. It can't be easy to live with a voice in your head and paranoia. This song shows how Imogen is there to hold Laudna too when it becomes too much.

Look up - Joy Oladokun

If the last one was an Imogen’s POV, this one is totally a Laudna’s POV. Her and her silly little pep talks. “You’re so capable”.

Daylight - Taylor Swift

I love the idea of them learning that life can be good if you find someone to share it with. This song encapsulates that perfectly.

Spell - Dora Jar

I wanted this one to be the last one of the chapter because it introduces the idea of leaving together.

× Imogen and Laudna run away together ×

“Would you run away with me?” They learn what it’s like to have a home that’s not a place, but something entirely new. The past still follows but they’re no longer crushed by it, because they don’t have to sustain it on their own.

Departure - Daughter

Second child, restless child - The Oh Hellos

Just the two of us - Grover Washington, Jr.

I really like to imagine Imodna slice of life scenes when I listen to this song.

Dandelion Wine - Gregory Alan Isakov

Homesick - Dwara, Khotton Palm

Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers

When I realized how much of a Laudna's POV this song is, I almost cried.

Telepath - Manchester Orchestra

I really really like Manchester Orchestra, it's one of my favorite bands. I never let go of the chance of spreading them around, and this one is the best song they have. Laudna's POV for sure.

everything i wanted - Billie Eilish

With songs like this one and Intertwined, I wanted to introduce the idea that even though they're definitely better off now that they left the town, that doesn't instantly solve all of their problems. As I said before, the past follows, but they're no longer alone with it.

Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers

Intertwined - Dodie

Nothing else matters - Phoebe Bridgers

As long as they're together, nothing else matters.

× You lied ×

Even though I only have a few songs for this precise moment of the story, I thought that it was very important to include their first fight. The gem is broken and Imogen feels betrayed. Laudna is left abandoned and thinks she deserves to be punished for Delilah’s wrongs. We explore jealousy for the first time.

Witches - Daughter

The silence at the end of this instrumental song represents the loneliness that Laudna felt when Imogen left her alone after her incident with Delilah

Landfill - Daughter

There are two possible ways of reading into this one. This is in my opinion a Laudna's POV. She could either be talking to Imogen, expressing her deep rooted desire for a punishment for what she’s done; or to Delilah, alluding to the attachment she has to her own powers (that at least as far as she knows are there because of Briarwood) opposed to the hatred she feels for her and for herself for wanting those powers (this is a theme that they explore later on future chapters)

Are you okay? - Winnetka Bowling League

Afterglow - Taylor Swift

The archer - Taylor Swift

× Laudna’s death ×

Otohan Thull relentlessly kills three members of Bells Hells. A coin is flipped and Laudna is gone, again. What awaits beyond the afterlife? Perhaps a little girl, a monster and a tree.

DVD menu - Phoebe Bridgers

If death’s not exactly DVD menu by Phoebe Bridgers, then someone tell me what’s like because I can’t imagine otherwise. I freaking love how this song connects with Daffodil.

Daffodil - Florence + The Machine

Death with dignity - Sufjan Stevens

Bells in Santa Fe - Halsey

I like to imagine that Laudna didn't appear in Nightmarish Whitestone immediately. Up until this point, she's in a limbo, accepting her own death. Bells in Santa Fe marks the moment she sets foot in that Upside-down kind of world. The constant repetition of “All of this is temporary” is like a mantra for her, the only hope she has of getting through it with her sanity intact is believing that this will also end and she will finally find peace.

Willow Tree March - The paper kiss

Hard times - Ethel Cain

Tether me - Galleaux

With this song and the next one, I wanted to express desperation. We don't get to know in the series how she feels throughout all of this, but I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been. There's a point where anyone would have started begging for help.

Matilda - alt-J

× Imogen’s grief ×

“Is she your favorite?”. Imogen feels deeply guilty for what happened. The possibility of bringing Laudna back is the only thing that’s keeping her from losing it completely. All the regrets, all the words she wishes she said before, all the times she didn’t approached her when she wanted to, come afloat. Grief, disassociation and sorrow.

Words - Storefront Church, Phoebe Bridgers

This song is meant to represent the exact moment of Imogen floating and losing control, with Otohan in her head pushing her to let go.

Goner - Twenty One Pilots

No other song in existence can express better the moment Imogen realize Laudna's gone for good.

Lanterns lit - Son Lux

True Faith - Ashley Johnson

Hurt for me - SYML

Carry you - Novo Amor

My love - Florence + The Machine

Lucky for you - Novo Amor, Gia Margaret

Killer + the sound - Phoebe Bridgers, Noah Gundersen

Should have known better - Sufjan Stevens

Ya'aburnee - Halsey

Show you a body - Haley Heyderickx

Imogen (even Laura) loses hope for a moment during the ritual they do for bringing Laudna back. The end of this song summarize this repeating a lyric over and over (you can clearly see through this playlist how much I love repetition).

× Back together ×

After Bells Hells confront Delilah at the Upside-down-Whitestone of Laudna’s nightmares, Pike manages to bring her back to life. Imogen and her are back hand by hand, and nothing can ever tear them apart again. Here’s where I think something awakes inside them, but they are far from realizing it.

I am the Antichrist to you - Kishi Bashi

Like an angel “fallen from the sky with grace”, Laudna’s back on Imogen’s arms.

Darling - Halsey

This love (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Now that you're home - Manchester Orchestra

Lose you again - Manchester Orchestra

Halloween - Phoebe Bridgers

But not kiss - Fayer Webster

Like I said, something changes after this. What they’ve been through is not nothing. This song is here to show that something is born deep inside them, on their subconscious far from their reach yet

× Back to Gelvaan ×

Same as with the “You lied” chapter, I felt that this one was important even though I just have one song for it. It just matches perfectly. Imogen and Laudna visit Imogen’s hometown and the place where they met, searching for answers. Old wounds, some closure and an emotionally absent father.

My tears ricochet - Taylor Swift

× Tethered ×

In this chapter the platonic bond is peaking. It takes place right before The Unraveling, giving in to the “Can I kiss you?” phase and becoming romantic. They’ve been through hell and back just to stay together. This is my personal favorite bit of the playlist, everything is extremely intense but not yet explicit.

Tethered - Sleeping at last

I Will - Mitski

Anchor - Alli X

Don't let them see you cry - Manchester Orchestra

Crosses - José González

Quietly - Manchester Orchestra

Francesca - Hozier

Moon song - Phoebe Bridgers

Capital Karma - Manchester Orchestra

Everywhere, everything - Noah Kahan

In a week - Hozier

Monster - King Princess

j's lullaby (darlin' i'd wait for you) - Delaney Bailey

I will follow you into the dark - Miya Folick

I wouldn't ask you - Clairo

× Can I kiss you? ×

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The beggining of something new, the next and most logical step of this journey. The platonic becomes romantic and they get to truly explore the feelings they always had, and some novel ones. This is the moment I know less about, but I’ve used my imagination and my own headcanons.

Can I - Genevieve Stokes

I debated a lot whether to put this one at the end of the last chapter or the beginning of this one because I don't know how relevant Laudna's death is up to this point, and there's a huge reference to this in this song. I know for a fact that the Delilah’s plot is not over and things will change, but I couldn't resist the urge to put it in here, given the name of the song and its obvious connection to the chapter.

We'll never have sex - Leith Ross

Wading in Waist-high Water - Fleet Foxes

This is the last time - The National

All my ghosts - Lizzy McAlpine

Prière pour la nuit - Barbara Pravi, November Ultra

Chewing Cotton Wool - The Japanese House

Bandages - Rachel Bobbitt

This is it, this is The Ultimate Chronological Order Imodna Playlist. I don't know if I'm the first one doing this, probably not, I don't know if this has any value to anyone beyond myself, but I had a hell of a lot of fun. If only one person were to read this till the end I would be more than satisfied.

I’ll link here the playlist that started all of this. Massive respect for this person whoever it is, I took lots of the songs from here

Infinite thanks to anyone who gets here or saves my playlist, feel free to respond with any song that you think adds to the story!! Something tells me this isn't the end of my Imodna brainrot so,,,, more things could be on their way (a fanfic, perhaps?).

No idea how to end this so… long live Lesbian Southern Gothic Witches!!!

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road2nf · 9 months

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Upon my introduction to them, the Nerdfighter Community was obliterating the world of suck I was currently inhabiting! Here’s how:

I occasionally suffer from mild to moderate depressive episodes; periods of about one to two weeks filled with anxiety, and intense apathy. I basically stop enjoying life in general.

It sucks; and although I’ve been learning a lot about my triggers in the past couple months, I’ve yet to unravel the complex formula for the triggers that end these episodes.

In the past, it’s been being around friends, it’s embarking on a new project, and the beginning of a new love.

This time around after one long week, I found I was still traveling through my daily life on autopilot, because even though my passions had ran away, the need to maintain my relationships and uphold responsibilities had not.

And unfortunately being around my loved ones, which had worked in the past, miserably backfired this time around.

Essentially, I could see that faking normalcy wasn’t working, and they could start to see that my smile didn’t reach up to my eyes.

The worst of it was my failed attempt to be near my boyfriend in order to snap out of it.

It hurt immensely to feel so tremendously hollow while he held me, and it hurt more when he, understandably and respectfully, asked for space.

I saw for the first time how my disorder could ruin this relationship, my first real relationship, and it terrified me. So I stepped back from my life for a few hours, took up temporary hermit hood, put the “fake it till you make it” mentality on hold.

I went back to my dorm, picked up a copy of Paper Towns and settled in with some coca-cola and chocolate morsels and nuts.

As I read, thinking about how I wanted to give Margo’s parents a stern talking to, a small 3-inch wide piece of paper slipped out from between the pages. A hand written note, it read “Congratulations, Reader, you might be a Nerdfighter! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I suggest you go to YouTube/Vlogbrothers and start exploring this TRULY AMAZING community (Nerdfighteria): We raise money for charities, support artist, decrease World Suck, and SO MUCH MORE! Hope to see you there. DFTBA and Best Wishes! -Missing Left Sock”

My first thought: What is world suck?

Second: Did someone go into Barnes n Noble and place these in copies of John Green’s books?! Third: Where’s my laptop?

The first thing I found was this live podcast hosted by John Green himself.

He was answering questions as they were appearing on his screen, and was remarkably funny and kind! And frankly very sassy.

On the side bar there was the insane flurry of questions racing up the page.

Honestly I don’t really remember the topic of the conversation, but I became acutely aware in a matter of minutes that this was a light hearted, accepting, inspirational, and powerful community. A force to be reckoned with.

And then I achieved the miraculous feat of laughing and erupting into tears simultaneously.

A live podcast might seem like such a menial thing, but to me it was a speck of light piercing the toxic pool I’d been drowning in. It was literally a beacon that showed me how to climb out of my current low.

They were happy tears, they were an expression of hope.

So there you have it. That’s the story of how my introduction to the Vlogbrothers and Nerdfighteria literally demolished my own personal world of suck, and I’ve been a proud Nerdfighter ever since. So thank you John and Hank Green, thank you Nerdfighteria, and thank you Missing Left Sock whoever you are.

I can’t begin to express how a small act had such a colossal impact on my world; because I’m on my way to recovery, to understanding, to control, to peace, to acceptance. I’m on my way, and will combat world suck at every step.

-AndTheEarthSighed (andtheearthsighed.tumblr)

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logically-asexual · 6 months

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55 bitch

okay you got me with this one but only because i already associate this song super strongly with something else and i want to talk about it again!!! first im going to talk about that and then im going to make an attempt at making it about gabenath lol

(…) 'Cause this summer won't last // Ripped photographs, whisper secrets to the wind // This is a battle I won't win

You'll go and I'll know // I owe you all the love you showed me I deserved // The gold that I was worth

You build me up like architecture // Boy, you'll break my heart, I'll let ya // 'Cause no one nowhere knows me better than you // You were borrowed now I’m blue

a while ago i made a long post with an idea about how i would make lukloe a thing with luka going over the summer to london with his dad and meeting chloe there and chloe gets kind of a blank slate to start over.

(also this song has strong teenager/young adult energy, so that’s why i like it better for them than grown man and woman gabriel and nathalie.)

so the idea is that they begin bonding over their problematic parents and for now they don’t address the conflicts chloe has had with luka’s friends in the past because for now (for once in her life) chloe focuses on figuring out who she really is and what she wants. luka helps her with that because that’s what he does for his friends. and they both help each other deal with their parents shadow and being sure of their own value despite that.

and i adore the idea that this only lasts the couple months of the summer break before luka goes back to school in paris and chloe goes into whatever she’s going to do now in london. and they’re both aware of that. it was never meant to be a big thing, they were just supposed to keep each other company during this time, but by the time it’s almost over they are so fundamentally changed that it feels incredible that they haven’t knowing each other forever.

i like that this also gives them time during high school for chloe to continue the path she started with luka to 1. find herself from within, 2. be aware that she can have real friends. she continues exploring what she wants and also she meets new people and has less aggressive relationships with than in middle school. and after this happened she’s able to begin to think about addressing her past. and maybe they’ll meet again once this has happened and they’ll be able to just enjoy their grown selves as wonderful friends. or something else if that’s what you want. either is just so beautiful to me.

...

okay now i’ll attempt to make it about gabenath

i'm going to go mostly with the chorus here.

You build me up like architecture // Boy, you'll break my heart, I'll let ya // 'Cause no one nowhere knows me better than you // You were borrowed now I’m blue

this energy of the song of “this wasn't going to last and i knew from the beginning, but i'm still sad about it ending” is very reminiscent of nathalie being very aware that whatever happens she will never be with gabriel, truly, yet there are still short stretches of time where it feels like there might be something between them.

no matter what, though, gabriel will always return to emilie. or to the idea of emilie. if there happens to be a short, fleeting moment when gabriel seems to be nathalie's, she has to remember that he's just borrowed. he's not hers to keep.

in the rest of the lyrics of the song and in the lukloe situation this temporal connection seems to be during a single, specific period of maybe a few months. but when it comes to nathalie and gabriel i would take it as several, but shorter, moments, dispersed across their entire history knowing each other. he builds her up, he knows her better than anyone, he has to leave (figuratively. he goes back to emilie), he breaks her heart, and this all happens in a single conversation, and it happens every day.

i also like for gabenath the lyric "this is a battle i won't win". because it's a battle nathalie fights againts her own heart every time and she knows she won't win. the loop will start over and despite her efforts she will fall for it again. but gabriel is The Only One. so she'll let it happen.

with the lyric "i owe you all the love you showed me i deserved". in lukloe's case i place the emphasis on them showing each other that they deserve to be loved and both being grateful for that. but with nathalie i place emphasis on the "i owe you" part. because even though gabriel hasn't done many big gestures for her, she is clearly driven by a feeling of responsibility to him. i wouldn't think of it as gabriel directly loving nathalie so much she sees she deserves that much love. instead, nathalie sees how much gabriel loves emilie, and that gives her hope that a love like that is real and possible. gabriel's love for emilie is what shows her that all people deserve that amount of love. and nathalie owes it to gabriel to help him complete his quest, which is the ultimate proof that this love is real and that it can conquer.

yes. i like that.

#gabenath #i have so much fun with these #i love to squeeze my brain a little

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hummingbird-games · 2 years

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(spoilers for Logan's route incoming, etc, etc)

I'll be honest, if I had known I was gonna be suffering from brain rot due to Logan's route, I would have played his last. Dead last. I would have forgone my 'play all endings' plans (which has already been dropped until 2023), played Adrian (and probably been obnoxious on here about him) and then Logan.

Instead I am sitting here, still losing my damn mind because he managed to check off everything on a list I didn't make!!?? HUH

There's a scene near the beginning where MC is on her period and I won't lie, I may personally acknowledge it's a normal bodily function but that doesn't mean I'm the most mature person about it blocks it out every month. And I think MC would relate to me with that, but here comes Logan who treats it like the normal thing it is, upset that MC would think him unable to handle talking about it, and that my friends set the tone for Logan's route for me.

So the attraction is definitely on both sides, but it soon becomes apparent that no matter how many times MC tries to brush interactions off as strictly platonic, some of those interactions very much NOT platonic, good lord, Logan is feeling MC heavy. H e a v y. HEAVVVVVY! *cackles in Black woman* And as I went further into his route, and we learned more about him, what breaks him down, what builds him back up again, I was overcome with a lot of Feelings™️. Including a fake-judgy one about him being a horror fan, but I forgave him rather quickly I fear.

...because then the bastard decided he needed to play sweaty twister with us and a bitch was gone.

She was gone, wig gone, edges gone, everything gone gone gone. (Yes you can choose not to engage with the18+ content, but as for me and my house, we follow the smut🏃🏽‍♀️💨)

I had the audacity to actively pick "spice" and I WAS NOT PREPARED!! NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!

Forget girlfriend, I will be his WIFE if he asks!!! I'll even propose!!! 😭😭😭🥲

(If this review comes off as me being dickmatized, shut up. Shut it down. Stop point out things I'm well aware of. Shhhhhhhhhhhh.)

...On a more somber, chill note: Of all the things to love about Logan, I think it's his capacity for love. He doesn't beat around the bush, he's caring and considerate to a fault, and even at his lowest, even when he's hardest on himself, he still puts out good into his portion of the world. And that last part perfectly mirrors MC in my opinion. It's sweet. I want more of these kinds of feelings in my life, fictional and real lol.

I know this seems extra to add a read more after everything, but I have more to say. I always have more to say.

And now a confession. I actually got Logan's neutral end before I got his good end and like, it was already late, and I had gone through the five stages of grief and I was legitimately distraught (this is what happens when your too true to your MC, istg 🤡🤡🤡 I looked over the guide to see where I’d messed up and it was very humbling and then I got his good ending so all was well sdjhfjshd.

This is so random, but for those who have watched the movie 13 going on 30? The scene where Jenna and Matty are talking before he gets married and she confesses and then he confesses too but it’s like too late for things to change?? Yeah I watched that at like 12(??) years old and I gotta say, I didn’t have ‘reliving the pain of watching a missed love connection’ on my 2022 bingo board...

#...also triggering the jealousy scenes put enough chaos into my gremlin heart #I usually can take or leave it in my romance games #but jealous Logan and Ezra were too delicious to ignore 😂#and there's my logan thoughts #hope you enjoyed #or if you didn't please don't tell me #let me live in ignorance #I had so much more shit to say but like...I really need to be respectful and let y'all play #so please #when you do play #please slide into my dms #or heck I will be active on discord for you!!! I will do it!!#I am down and down badddddd #gem's game gems #an everyday love

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pansyfemme · 1 year

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Yo Jude. You've been taking T for a while. I already deal kinda with mood changes soemtimes. I've always wondered, when you do your shot, is the mood changes that bad? Everything always talks abt like ups and downs on T. Is it as like... servere as things make it out? If it's ok to ask, is it comparable to like mood changes like when youre on your period (bc I certainly have those ack). All in all just kinda would like to know your experiences if that's ok? Cause I am kinda worried abt experiencing mood drops all the time forever until I stop T or something. Otherwise I am so excited to start it one day

Hi! Yeah i dont mind talking abt this at all!

Just a little info abt my history with T for refrence, I do weekly injections, so this refers to that but idk if its similar for other methods, ive been on for 4 years come the 6th of febuary. I’m pretty consistant when it comes to shots, but i miss from time to time. I’ve been on the same dose, 0.3, since i started. When I started I was 14 and had a horomone blocker implant i had had for six months at that point. I remained on both until i was six months on t, when I had the implant removed.

Since I was so young when I started hrt and blockers, I had only been having a cycle (my preferred term, and what i refer to it as going forward) for a few years at that point, and as i was young, it was pretty irregular, but hit me like a truck every time. I’m afraid i can’t really give a detailed experience of my mood swings related to my cycle, because those years were also when my psychosis and depression was at it’s worse. I would rarely leave bed when i had my cycle, but that’s a combonation of severe dysphoria, chronic illness worsening, and mental health. Im sure it contributed, but it’s hard to tell what was what.

Now that ive been in recovery and have been on t for a while, i will tell you what my mood changes have been. When i miss my shot, i feel much more emotional. i’m capable of crying much more than usual, and often can be sent into despair easily. T evens out after a while, but the beginning stages of t are pretty messy. You feel a lot of complicated things. Although T is euphoric, you are hyperaware of yourself, including the negative changes. You’re likely acne-prone, sweatier than you’ve ever been and its hard to avoid the sexual changes like bottom growth and horniness that is pretty unavoidable, and takes a greater toll on your mental health than you think. I’m going to be honest, you feel gross as hell, and a lot of that is good gross, i guess? Like i dont want to pretend its all bad by any means, I have never once regretted t or thought about going off of it besides maybe far off in the future when im further in my transition and might not feel the need for it anymore. But the reality is, it's puberty. It's also a puberty that is quite different from the one you went through before (if u did, ofc) And for a lot of trans guys, even though it's what we ultimatly want, it brings up conflicting feelings. Some stuff i feel that isn't talked about a lot is how an incresed sexual drive can make you feel, because its not always postive, it made me feel disgusted at myself at first. Another big factor is pretty much every part of your body that emits some kind of odor is going to change drastically. For the most part, a lot of early t days was being impatient that the changes weren't happening fast enough but also horrified at how fast other things were. Bottom growth is talked about a lot, but not everyone knows that it can start within the first week of your injection, the fastest change by far. I'm aware you were specific about mood swings, so i'll get into that now, but I wanted to list some other emotional changes in relation to physical changes in case they're relevant. I'm a hyperemotive person by nature, so I tended to get them pretty strongly at first. When I was barely a few months on, i strongly remember breaking down in sudden fits of dysphoria. I am going to be very honest, if you have the resources to see a counseler or therapist, I highly reccomend seeing one during your transition. Not everyone is able to, but if you can, It's good to speak about your transition with someone professionally for many reasons, ofc to help you explore your feelings around it and develop managment techiniques, but also a big one is that if you plan to get any surgeries, theres a pretty big chance you need a letter from a professional therapist to get past insurance (i needed two) so its a good idea to be seeing one for a little while before you get it. I would say that severity of mood changes probably depends on lots of things. like, personally if i keep my levels pretty stable i dont notice any immediate changes after each shot, but i've heard ppl who's mood changes everytime they do their injection as well. If you keep your levels at a healthy number and consistantly keep that up, you're less likely to experience spikes and falls. If you go through an endocronologist like i do, you will have to get bloodwork pretty regualrly, at first it was every three months, now i only do it once a year, but i dont know about getting it from other sources like planned parenthood. For me, T is well worth the emotional changes, but it's not some kind of electric magic, it's medication and there will be good and bad effects.

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lesfeldickbiblestudy · 11 months

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Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 3 * PART 2 * BOOK 77 CONNECTING THE DOTS OF SCRIPTURE – PART 46 Genesis – Revelation (Eternity) Okay, it’s good to see everybody back after a break. We’ll go into program number two for this afternoon. We’re going to continue connecting the dots of Scripture. Those of you joining us again, we want to thank you for your prayers, your letters, your financial help, and everything. And for those of you here in the studio, my, how we appreciate you coming in every month. Now again, we’re just going to pick right up where we left off in the last taping. I think Jerry has titled this one “Eternity.” When I review the programs, I think sometimes I waste too much time, so we’re going to get right back into it. We’re going to start in Revelation chapter 19 at the Second Coming of Christ. Now, if you remember, for the last several programs we were talking about the Tribulation and the horrors of it. And how by the end of the Tribulation, all the wrath and vexation of God will have utterly destroyed planet Earth as we know it. Out of that will come, then, a renewed Garden of Eden-like planet that will be made ready for the millennium, or the thousand-year reign of Christ. We’re going to look at that a little bit this afternoon. But the millennium begins, of course, with the Second Coming of Christ. Oh, by the way, Iris wants me to let our television audience know we still have some of these Q & A books. I don’t mind advertising them, because they are a blessing. Everybody that gets one just loves our Question & Answer Book. It’s still available. It will be the best $11.00 you will ever spend. They make wonderful gifts. All right, Revelation 19 and we’re going to begin at verse 11. Now, before the guys flip the board, remember that this is what we’ve been talking about for the last, oh, I don’t know how many programs. That this parenthetical period of time that we had in our last half hour program is made up of these various doctrines of the Apostle Paul – what he calls the Revelation of the Mysteries. That’s why we’ve left it on the board. So that if you haven’t caught them all, you can at least be reminded that these mysteries are only found in Paul’s Epistles and nowhere else. That’s why I’m always emphasizing Paul’s Apostleship, and 90% of Christendom never reads Paul. They never look at his letters, and that’s where we find the message for salvation and the Rapture of the Church and all the other mysteries concerning the Body of Christ! I can tell from our audiences that they never get to hear Paul’s letters in Sunday school and Church. They say, “Why don’t we get anything from Paul?” Well, get on your Pastor. Tell him to get to where the things are really meant for us, but they won’t do it. I’m aware of that. All right, Revelation 19—the Second Coming is going to be the final event of those seven years of wrath and vexation and will usher in the thousand years of Christ’s reign. Verse 11: Revelation 19:11 “And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.” In other words, God never does anything out of anger or getting even. No vengeance, as such, it’s simply the result of man’s rejection of His offer of love and mercy and grace. Verse 12: Revelation 19:12-13 “His eyes (speaking of Jesus the Christ at His Second Coming, now) were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written that no man knew, but he himself. 13. And he was clothed with a vesture dipped (or sprinkled or splattered) in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.” Which, of course, is a perfect fit with John’s Gospel chapter 1. Revelation 19:14-15a “And the armies who were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. 15. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations:…” Now as I’m reading, I’m thinking.

A lot of these things come up, and I really don’t intend to do. But, you see, there is a difference of opinion, and I don’t mind that. I don’t mind that people disagree with me. And on some things, I just sit on the fence. In fact, my answer with people is getting more and more, “Hey, let’s wait until we get there! And then we won’t have to argue. We’ll know.” Now, the question that is coming up more and more is—Is the Body of Christ going to return with Christ at His Second Coming, or will we be eternally set in the heavenlies? Now, of course, there is a large group of people that think we will be strictly heavenly bound and heavenly abode; and yet, you see, when I come to a verse like this—this is why I had to stop. When I come to a verse like this, I have to think that maybe we will be with Him at His Second Coming, even though we may later on go back up. Because don’t forget, when we get into the eternal state, time will mean nothing. In other words, when Jesus went from Earth to Heaven, and He came back, He ascended again to Heaven. Well, was that millions and millions and millions of miles that He had to traverse? Well, if it was, He did it instantly. So, never confine yourself once we get into the eternal that, oh, it can’t happen. Oh, yes, it can. All right, now here’s what made me stop. I sure didn’t plan to do this. Verse 14: Revelation 19:14 “And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.” Now think. Who can be the armies in Heaven? I think (this is why I’m on the fence), I think this is a reference to the Body of Christ. Not angels. It can’t be the Old Testament Saints, because they’re not going to be resurrected until 75 days later, remember. Here’s what puts me in a dilemma. On the one hand, yes, I think we’re going to be with Christ at His Second Coming, and I think that we may have something to do with the Kingdom. Now, I know that’s going to rile a lot of people. But I just tell them, hey, disagree with me lovingly, as I’m not setting it concrete. I’m not being obstinate. I’m just saying, now wait a minute, we’ve got to think these things through. Come back with me to Romans. This is another portion that nobody that I read has ever addressed to my satisfaction. And again, I’m not going to claim that I’ve got the answer, because a lot of these things are debatable. No doubt about it. We have that freedom. And when we get there, we’re going to find out who was right and who was wrong. All right, but in Romans chapter 8, here’s another portion of Scripture that I just can’t throw aside and say, no, that doesn’t mean us, it means somebody else. No, it means us. Romans 8 verse 18, now Paul is writing, so he’s writing to us members of the Body of Christ. Romans 8:18-19 “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in (or to) us. 19. For the earnest expectation of the creation (That is all the animal kingdom, the birds, and everything on creation.) is waiting for the manifestation of the children of God.” Well, now go back up to verses 14, 15, and 16. And let’s establish—who are the Children of God that Paul is talking about? Well, it’s us, see? It’s us! Verse 14: Romans 8:14-17 “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the children of God. 15. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. (Because we’re His child.) 16. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: 17. And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” All right, now back down to where we were in verse 19. Romans 8:19 “For the earnest expectation (of all) of the creation (At the end of the Tribulation and the horrors of it, what are they waiting for?) waiteth for the manifestation of the children of God.

” That’s us. Well, how else could we be manifested except to be with Him at His coming. Now, that’s the way I have to look at it. All right, read on: Romans 8:20-21 “For the creation was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope. 21. Because the creation itself shall also be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of (Whom?) the children of God.” Who were the children of God? The Body of Christ. Now, I can’t separate that. But kind of leave it. If you read an article tomorrow that refutes what I’m saying, don’t get angry. Just say, “Well, that’s one way of looking at it.” Now, I have to give you another one, if I can find it quickly. I’m thinking of all this while I’m talking, you want to remember. Back here in Revelation 19—it’s not only here that I have a question, where the armies which are in Heaven are clothed in fine linen. Well, that can’t be anybody, I don’t think, except the Body of Christ. Now, I’m not going to take time to look for the other one. Like I said, this is all off-the-cuff anyway. But come back to Revelation 19, at least I want to get people to think. You don’t have to agree with me, but think. Revelation 19:14a “And the armies which were in heaven…” And I just can’t see that as angels, then it would have said angels. It can’t be the Old Testament saints, because like I said, they’re not resurrected until 75 days later, remember. That’s Daniel chapter 12, in case you have to look it up. All right, verse 15: Revelation 19:15a “And out of his (that is out of Christ’s) mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: (And remember that Hebrews tells us the Word of the Lord is a what? A two-edged sword. So we’re not talking about a metal sword here. We’re talking about the spoken Word that will come from the mouth of the Lord Jesus Christ at His Second Coming.) and he shall rule them (future—in the coming 1,000 years) with a rod of iron:…” And then coming back to the final days of the Tribulation which we looked at in a previous program. When I feel He will use the 100 pound hailstones, you remember, to crush those millions and millions of people gathered in the valleys of Israel. All right, then verse 16: Revelation 19:16 “And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.” Now you see, there’s His full title. And He’s going to set up His Kingdom. All right, as a result of the horrors of those closing months of the seven years of Tribulation, come on up to verse 17. Revelation 19:17 “And I saw an angel standing in the sun; and he cried with a loud voice, saying to all the fowls that fly in the midst of heaven, Come (Now these are birds of prey—the vultures and the eagles and what have you.) and gather yourselves together unto the supper of the great God;” Now, do I have to compare Scripture? Yes. Come back with me again to Jeremiah chapter 25 and drop in at verse 31. Because I sometimes think when I read these verses that people just—well….maybe….but maybe not. This is what is coming. And I read an article again the other day of all the thousands of nuclear weapons that are just waiting to be exploded. And we’re getting closer and closer to it every day. All right, by the end of the Tribulation I think they’re all going to be used, just like a string of firecrackers. And this will be the end result. Verse 31: Jeremiah 25:31-32 “A noise shall come even to the ends of the earth; for the LORD hath a controversy with the nations, (All of them. Not just Israel now, we’re dealing with the whole.) he will plead with all flesh; he will give them that are wicked to the sword, saith the LORD. 32. Thus saith the LORD of hosts, (The same Lord that we’re reading about at His Second Coming.) Behold, evil shall go forth from nation to nation, and a great whirlwind shall be raised up from the borders of the earth.” Jeremiah 25:33 “And the slain

of the LORD (By the millions, beloved, millions, billions are going to be losing their lives.) shall be at that day from one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth: they shall not be lamented, neither gathered, nor buried; they shall be dung (or road kill) upon the ground.” Everywhere you look, dead bodies. It’s going to be awful. All right, back to Revelation. And you know one of the amazing things of the last few years, and I’ve had more than one person call some of the wildlife people to see if this is true. All around the planet, there is a great increase in the birth rate of these birds of prey. The first one I read about, probably about 10 years ago, was one of the vulture types, I think, that was in the Middle East. They normally had two eggs in their nest, but were now having four. And same way here in America, a lot of the species that we call vultures and birds of prey are increasing by leaps and bounds. And, of course, they are under protection. Nobody can kill them. And it’s all for a reason. And now here we have it in Revelation 19. He calls all the birds of prey together that they can come for the supper of the great God. All of this death and destruction, verse 18: Revelation 19:18-19 “That ye may eat the flesh of kings, and the flesh of captains, and the flesh of mighty men, and the flesh of horses, and of them that sit on them, and the flesh of all men, both free and bond, both small and great. 19. And I saw the beast, (that is the anti-Christ) and the kings of the earth, (who have been subjected to his demonic rule) and their armies, gathered together to make war against him that sat on the horse, and against his army.” Of course, we covered that several programs back, but now this is a new part that I hadn’t covered before—verse 20. When the Tribulation has run its course, and it’s over, then those two men who were primary in the leadership of planet Earth—the anti-Christ in the political and economical and the False Prophet, who will be the religious leader of that time—two men, and here they come. Revelation 19:20 “And the beast (the anti-Christ) was taken, and with him the false prophet (Or the religious leader, whoever it is. I’m not going to put a name on either one of them. These men--) that wrought miracles before him, with which he deceived them that had received the mark of the beast, and them who worshipped his image. (All during these seven years. Now both of these men--)These both were cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone. Now, I know we all shrink at the thought of an eternal hell-fire. And nobody wants to even preach it or teach it anymore. In fact, I had a letter just the other day where the guy was angry. What kind of a God is it that would cast people into such a place? I’ll tell you what kind of a God He is. He’s a God who paid the price for every one of them if they would have believed it. They don’t have to go there. And that’s going to be one of the awful things of eternal loss. They’re going to regret for eternity why they rejected their free pardon out. They don’t have to be there. So, don’t ever blame God for preparing such a place, because He suffered far more alone than the billions of mankind will in unison. So, don’t ever take anything away from God in that department. All right, so these two men, the anti-Christ and the false prophet, who had been the leaders of the last seven years, will be the first human beings to go into what we now realize was the eternal Lake of Fire. All right, I’m going to take you on over into chapter 20. The Tribulation has ended. The Kingdom is now ready to be brought in. Verse 1 of chapter 20: Revelation 20:1-2 “And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand. (Not an iron chain. Iron won’t hold a spirit being like Satan. But it will be something that God can use to confine Satan.) 2. And he laid his hand on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years,”

Now, this is the first time in Scripture that we have a time frame on the Kingdom. All through the Old Testament, the Kingdom is merely promised as being forever and ever. But never is it signified as 1,000 years. But here in the Book of Revelation, we now have it simply defined as that period of time. All right, reading on in verse 3. Revelation 20:3 “And cast him into the bottomless pit, (Not hell, not the Lake of Fire, this is a separate place that God has prepared to hold Satan for these 1,000 years.) and shut him up, and set a seal upon him, that he should deceive the nations no more, (But what’s the next word?) until (See, there’s another time word. He’s not going to stay there forever, yet. He’s only being confined for that 1,000 years of the Kingdom rule and reign of Christ and then--) the thousand years should be fulfilled: and after that he must be loosed a little season.” Now there again, we don’t know how long a period of time that will be after the 1,000 years of the perfect rule and reign of Christ over planet Earth. It’s going to be Heaven-on-Earth for all the inhabitants. I maintain the 1,000 years are a dispensation. Now, I’m going to exercise your thinking. Remember what a dispensation is? I hope you remember. A period of time during which God deals with the human race in a particular way or under a set of instructions. That’s a dispensation! (Note the seven dispensations listed below) Adam and Eve were in a dispensation in the Garden of Eden. It was the dispensation of “Innocence,” and their instructions were simple—don’t eat of that tree. The next 1,400-1,500 years they were under the dispensation of “Conscience.” Their instructions were to bring a blood sacrifice. Well, conscience didn’t cut it, so they reaped the punishment of the flood. Then after the flood, they under the dispensation of “Human Government,” and they went through the Tower of Babel and the scattering of the population. And then God did something totally different. He called out Abraham, and for a period of time he was under the dispensation of “Promise,” where God promised Abraham several things in Genesis chapter 12. All right, then after Abraham had established the Nation of Israel, they became a Nation down in Egypt. Then in 1500 B.C., God brought them out, and He put them under a new dispensation that we call what? Law. He gave the dispensation of Law, and that carried on from Moses until Paul. And that dispensation has its set of instructions—how to respond to sin and how to keep the Law and so on and so forth. It was a dispensation. A period of time during which there were specific instructions. All right, today we’re in the dispensation of “Grace,” in which it covers the mysteries of Paul. But what are our instructions? To believe Paul’s Gospel—which is believing in your heart for salvation that Jesus died for your sins, was buried, and rose again—plus nothing else. Believe the Gospel. And once we become a believer of the Gospel, how to walk the Christian life. Those are our instructions. It’s our dispensation. But when the Church goes in the Rapture, this dispensation ends, and the world goes back under an extension of Israel’s Law in the Tribulation. But now we come to the final dispensation of the Kingdom. It’s a period of time during which those people will be re-populating at an amazing rate, remember. And what are their instructions? Be obedient to the King. That’s all. Recognize that He’s the King. He’s the God of Glory. And as long as they’re obedient, they’re in God’s Grace. All right, now in order to exercise the instructions of a dispensation, you have to have two choices. Think about it. You’re either going to follow the instructions, or you’re going to disobey them. Now, I stop once in a while to make people think. In this Dispensation of Grace, the world is faced with two alternatives – believe the Gospel or reject it. It’s that simple. Believe it and have eternal life. Reject it and go to an eternal doom. Now, you can’t get it any simpler than that.

All right, now in the Kingdom, it, too, is a dispensation. It is where God has given them the circumstances so that all they have to do is be obedient to the King. But, there has been nobody to trigger the opposition. Satan is locked up. So, in order for people to have the unction to make a choice, God has to bring Satan back for a period of time. Now, I hope that answers a ton of questions, because it comes all the time. Why bring Satan back if He once had him off the scene? He’s got to give those new generations of people who have been born during this 1,000 years the opportunity to be obedient or disobedient. To make a choice like we had to make. So when Satan comes back in that period of time, we don’t know how long it is. Like I said in the first program, time means nothing to God. It could be awhile. But it’ll be long enough for those millions upon millions of new inhabitants of planet Earth to be confronted with the options—remain loyal to the King or follow the adversary. And what will most of them do? Like they’ve been doing for 6,000 years. They’ll go after the adversary. Unbelievable. All right, let’s pick it up in verse 7. Revelation 20:7-8a “And when the thousand years are expired, Satan shall be loosed out of his prison, 8. And shall go out to deceive (Just like he’s been doing through this 6,000 years.) the nations…” That’s why several programs back I pointed out, who comes in at the front end of that 1,000 years? Well, a remnant of the Nation of Israel, who’ll be the largest of any nation. But there will be a sampling of all the other nations on the planet who have survived the Tribulation as believers (Matthew 25:31-32). They’ll come in on the front end and start having families and reproduce. It’s going to be just like Israel in Egypt. My land, how fast do you think the Jews reproduced in those early years in Egypt? Why, like flies. You know, they probably had multiple births. They never lost a child. You remember what the mid-wives said, Why, those Hebrew women are so lively, there’s no way of putting their babies to death. It was a population explosion. Well, you’re going to have the same thing in the Kingdom. This 1,000 years is going to be a population explosion like the world has never seen, because there’s nothing to refrain life. There’s no death. No sickness. No weakness. All right, so now Satan comes back on the scene. Revelation 20:8-9a “And shall go out to deceive (all these repopulated nations) the nations which are in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle: the number of whom is as the sand of the sea. 9. And they went up on the breadth of the earth, and compassed the camp of the saints about, and the beloved city:…” In total—just like it was 1,007 years earlier. They come back in total rebellion against the King, with the idea of overthrowing Him. But this time God doesn’t fool around. He speaks the Word, and the whole mass of them will be wiped off, except those who remain true to the King. Revelation 20:9b “…and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them.” All right, now in a quick half-a-minute. What in the world will Satan use to deceive people who have had Heaven-on-Earth for a thousand years? Well, the Bible doesn’t specifically say it, but I think it’s implied, and I’m comfortable with my opinion. He’s going to offer them, just like he did Eve in the Garden of Eden – why be content to be under God? Why don’t you just be God? And that’s Satan’s lie. And it’s going to just take all those billions of new people, and they’re going to follow after him, and they’re going to go to their doom.

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linzhilin1 · 2 years

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Women want independence and self-improvement; the premise is that they must be able to make money

There are always people who say that when a woman passes her thirties, it begins to decline like an autumn flower. Coincidentally, I just celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday yesterday, but my current life tells me that women who are still single at the age of thirty-five can still be very smart and beautiful!

At first, I could laugh at it as a joke, but the taste changed over time. Sometimes I really want to yell at them, but in the end, I take a deep breath and suck all the anger into my stomach. Because I know that anger doesn’t help, it has also erupted before, and I finally found that time will still return life to its original state, and there are still all kinds of harsh sounds surrounding my ears every day.

Once I figured out where to go, I started looking online for jobs there. That’s right! I’m going to work there because if I go on a short trip, I can’t get out of the current environment at all. Only when I stay abroad for a few years and go home occasionally will my parents feel that it is better to have their daughter by their side. Talk about my marriage again.

It is not easy to find a job in the Philippines in China. I compared many companies before and after, and it took me nearly a month to submit my resume to CG Group, which has a good reputation and reputation in the Philippines. Fortunately, By God’s grace, everything went well, and I was hired after passing the online interview.

At the beginning of the period, my idea was very simple, to change the environment and have a job that could support my living expenses in the Philippines. Unexpectedly, this job allowed me to slowly become independent and become more powerful than I imagined. I don’t think it’s bad for women to be independent, but it also makes me realize a very practical point, that is, women want to be independent. , Self-improvement, the premise is that you must make money. Since ancient times, the reason why women have low status is that they do not have enough economic capacity. When I came to the Philippines, I was deeply aware of this.

Staff pool

A company has such restaurants, dormitories, and entertainment. Do you think employees will not make money yet? In fact, the money I have earned in the Philippines in the past five years is enough for me to return to my hometown and spend the rest of my life slowly. Although I often miss my hometown, I can’t bear to part with the Philippines. Although this country has its shortcomings, living here is so free. Now that I think about it, age is not a problem; the problem is that when we get older, we are still spinning in the same place and have not changed. Coming to the Philippines is the correct decision I have made in my life.

#Philippines Diamond Building ，Philippines Colorful Group ，Philippines CG Group

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twopoppies · 2 years

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A friend of mine saw one of the DWD screenings last year and gave some of their thoughts at the time. They’re back to talk more specifically about the film now that the trailer that dropped today. These comments are based on a screening, so please be aware some of this may have changed in the final cut.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT (I mean it, the trailer basically showed you the entire movie, so that’s what we’re discussing below).

Don’t Worry Darling Trailer/Screening Thoughts & Spoilers

Hey, Gina! Went through the trailer and, for the most part, the film is laid out in its entirety from start to finish. I took some screenshots to give context for you but just stick with me here. It’s been months, as I saw one of the earlier screenings, so I’m doing my best going from memory and my initial thoughts that I sent you last year.

This is exactly how the film opens. The music started immediately once the movie began. They’re already in the middle of their small party, this is where we get introduced to the main group that Jack and Alice interact with throughout. I recall Olivia’s character entering in with the tray of drinks and being one of the first characters to have lines. Everyone is drunk and happy so it’s a fun opening with period music. And everyone is obviously dressed for the era.

Jack and Alice are extremely affectionate with each other right away. He really just has eyes for her in this scene so you immediately get the impression that they’re very in love. Rewatching the trailer, it hit me again how young they look in comparison to everyone else.

While at the party, Jack asks Alice if she’d like to go for a drive. I vaguely remember they’re teased for leaving but it’s expected since they can’t keep their hands off each other. Harry and Florence had a very easy chemistry that made their scenes believable and I think you can see that in the trailer, especially in the opening when they’re laughing and holding each other. There was a quick cut from the part to the two in the desert in their car. Jack is spinning the car in circles while Alice is laughing and screaming.

The next scenes showing Alice in a Jack’s white buttoned down shirt are right after. We get a quick montage to establish this is the routine the wives and their husbands go through everyday. You see Olivia’s character Betty also waving to her husband in their driveway as he leaves. They’re the neighbors of Alice and Jack. Alice is the only one dressed so scandalously, again continuing on with the theme of young lovebirds without a care in the world. I also remember Betty commenting on this. She comes across more sarcastic and teasing than the other women in their friend group, she’s always smoking or she has a drink.

When the men go off to their mysterious jobs, the women go into town via this shuttle that takes them back and forth through the desert into the shops where they have lunch, gossip, go to their ballet class, etc. You get the impression this is what they do every day. They don’t work just socialize.

That night when Jack gets home from work, Alice greets him in the doorway with a drink and tells him she made dinner. I don’t remember the dialogue exactly but it doesn’t take too long before he begins to kiss her and push her back until she’s laying back on their dining table. His head goes under her skirt and there’s a shot of Alice’s face while he goes down on her.

There is no nudity in the movie and this is probably as explicit as it gets.

There was a weird cut here that I hope they fixed because the party happens the next day maybe but I wasn’t sure about the passage of time. Right before we get into this backyard party scene with the majority of the cast, there is a scene with Alice and Betty where they’re gossiping and I remember Betty having another line about Alice and Jack always being all over each other. She asks about kids but Alice says they don’t want that right now. Again, I unfortunately don’t remember the exact dialogue anymore but the gist of the conversation is Betty agreeing with Alice about not having children because they’re annoying. Betty has a son and daughter of her own.

During the actual gathering, you see it’s meant to be a sort of company party being held by Frank and Shelley who are married (played by Chris Pine and Gemma Chan). The voiceover in the trailer during these scenes is the speech Frank is giving to all the people in attendance. Betty responds easily to Frank which led me to think she’s been there for awhile or her and her husband’s loyalty is very strong, in any case.

Margaret is introduced, played by Kiki Layne. She has an outburst while Frank is speaking that startles everyone so her husband takes her aside and apologizes for her interruption. Betty makes another comment here, I don’t think she’s meant to be very likeable. Alice begins to take notice that something seems off.

We find out Margaret’s son has gone missing and there’s a rumor she took him out into the desert and did something to him herself.

This scene is meant to be Margaret, her son and his toy airplane.

It’s a flashback that happens so we get a little more understanding about why Margaret is acting so strangely.

Once Margaret’s husband takes her aside and away from the gathering, Jack once again asks Alice if she wants to be alone.

Almost forgot to mention. This man is seen there but we don’t find out who he is until a little bit later. It turns out he’s a “doctor” that’s called upon to treat the wives when they start acting hysterical.

This is the scene in the trailer where they go into the house and find a room where they once again begin to kiss and Jack gets his hand under her skirt. Frank enters and watches them for a bit, Alice sees him but doesn’t stop Jack.

Back to this. New day, same routine. Except now we have the weirdness with Margaret and Frank so the cracks are starting to show.

While on her way on the shuttle, Alice sees a red plane that resembles the toy plane we saw in the flashback with Margaret and her son. As Alice watches the plane, it crashes and she of course freaks out. She demands the driver take her out to the crash site to see if there are any survivors but the driver declines by telling her he only goes into town and to their neighborhood. Alice is completely distraught and won’t take no for an answer so she gets off and starts walking in the desert by herself to hopefully get to anyone at the crash.

I don’t remember the significance of the plane being revealed at all. I do remember that the disappearance of Margaret’s son is brushed off in a really strange way. It felt like a plot point that was shoehorned in last minute to give Margaret a reason to do what she does later but no one shows any real concern that a child has gone missing in their small town.

Alice doesn’t find the plane but she does see this dome-like structure at the top of a hill that seems completely out of place. she makes her way up to investigate. You can see in the first pic from the trailer, she’s sweaty and exhausted from walking all that way in the heat.She puts her face against the glass and loses consciousness.

She has visions of being underwater, being groped by people in black rubber suits, a dilating pupil, and these burlesque dancers.They cut in and out throughout the movie so you see each vision more than once, especially when she really starts to unravel what’s going on.

I didn’t see the next scene in the trailer but when Alice wakes up, she’s back at home and Jack is cooking dinner for her in the kitchen (the photo above is from set, but it’s what he’s wearing in the scene). He’s messing everything up and tells her he’s completely useless but he just wanted her to rest while he took care of her. Alice tries to tell him what she saw but he dismisses it.

He brushes off Alice’s worries and tells her it wasn’t possible she saw a plane go down. The gaslighting is intense from here on out and her breaks with reality are more frequent.

There are a couple scenes in the ballet studio. Shelley (Gemma Chan) seems to be in charge here as she leads the class of women. In the very last still I posted, the woman with the pixie cut is Violet (I think she’s listed as Bunny on IMDB) played by Sydney Chandler. Her and her husband are new to the town so she joins the women here. There is really no development of her character apart from using her as a plot device to show how new members of the community are introduced. She has a look that’s very reminiscent of Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby so her character seems interesting but it goes nowhere.

When Alice begins to have visions, one of them includes seeing Kiki Layne’s character smashing her head against the glass on the other side of the mirror in the ballet studio. Of course Alice reacts but no one else sees what she sees. Alice rushes home and this is where she sees Margaret on the roof.

Alice calls out to her, Margaret turns to face her then immediately takes a knife out and cuts her own throat and falls off the roof. Alice is grabbed by the men in red overalls to be taken away. I think they just take her back home. Okay, here’s where my memory is fuzzy. I don’t recall if Margaret’s death happens first or if these scenes where Alice is cleaning and having weird visions happens.

I think the egg scene happens the morning after the plane crash. And then she goes to ballet class and then Margaret’s death happensI remember Margaret dying early in the film and Kiki doesn’t have much screen time anyway.

The scene with Alice being pushed up against glass must happen after. There’s really not much more to it than she’s cleaning the window and the wall starts closing in behind her.

Jack calls for the doctor we saw at the company party to come see Alice. He tells her he’s worried about her, especially after what she saw and thinks it would be for the best. So the doctor does a house call and again, both he and Jack dismiss Alice’s concerns about Margaret and what she saw in the desert.

While Jack and the doctor step aside to further discuss Alice’s condition, Alice sees a folder in the doctor’s bag that has Margaret’s name on it. Why the doctor is just walking around with another patient’s file? I’m not sure, they just once again needed something to further the plot along.

The still above is the folder Alice sneaks out of the doctor’s bag. I don’t think she finds out anything interesting, at least nothing that was memorable.

The women continue to through their routine but Alice is becoming more unsettled. While they’re sitting in a shop, they hear a boom and Betty has the line in the trailer about the men getting work done. The woman in the still above is Kate Berlant who I recall being Bunny in the film. I went back to my initial messages I sent you when I got out of the film and you shared another friend that went and also said her name is Bunny so I’m thinking we got that one right. She’s pregnant throughout the movie so her character is meant to show the purpose of the wives.

There’s a big gathering coming up, I really don’t remember the purpose of it. It looks like a New Years Eve party but it ends up being a formal company party with a quick champagne glass strip tease from Dita Von Teese. Right before, Alice and Jack are getting ready for the event with Alice in the tub and Jack getting dressed in their bedroom. They’re talking and suddenly Jack pops his head in and says they should have a baby.

Alice is completely taken by surprise since she’s told the women already that they don’t have plans for that now. She is left speechless, Jack completely clueless while he goes back to getting dressed. She sinks down into the water because this is yet another weird thing that’s come up. And from the trailer you can see her reflection doesn’t move even though she does.

This is something I didn’t understand. The film wants the audience to feel as unhinged and disturbed as Alice feels but the whole premise of the movie is that they’re in a simulation. So why are these moments allowed to happen? Is the program that flawed? It obviously happens often, we have to assume Margaret is not the first to do something drastic.

This wasn’t clear because the Victory program itself doesn’t get a backstory. I had this frustration through the end of the movie even after the twist is revealed. I didn’t get a lot of substance.

At the party, Alice tells Jack she wants to go home but he tells her they have to stay for Frank. It’s a very glamorous event, but again it seems to just be a company party again?

This is where we get the quick strip from Dita Von Teese. If you’re familiar with her champagne glass routine, it was the same one. Nothing too exciting there. Alice starts to have a panic attack so she goes to the restroom and Betty is there. Alice starts telling her something is wrong, that she’s being lied to, that she saw a plane crash in the desert and Jack isn’t listening to her.

Meanwhile, Frank is leading everyone is a ‘Victory’ chant and he invites Jack up on stage. I really don’t understand the purpose of this except to humiliate him, but Frank orders Jack to dance for everyone.It’s a really uncomfortable moment that was edited to cut back and forth between Alice in hysterics and Jack dancing like he’s about to pass out.

I get that Frank is the manipulator of the program so he’s very literally making a puppet out of Jack. What I didn’t agree with is it confused my understanding of their intention for Jack. Does he regret doing this? Are they trying to make him sympathetic despite how he’s trapped his wife in a fake world with him?Should I be feeling sorry for him despite his actions?

My feedback at the screening was I felt Jack’s motivation for his actions was incredibly weak. And thinking back on it now, I still feel that.

When Frank first arrives, he makes mention of seeing Alice and Jack in his house at the previous gathering. This gets her extremely angry and she doesn’t hold back either. They then have a very awkward dinner scene where Alice tries to expose Frank. When they sit down for dinner, Frank sits at one end and Jack goes to sit at the other head of the table but Alice cuts him off to sit there so she can square off with Frank. Jack then has to sit at one side which is why he looks upset in the trailer. And of course once Alice starts being very vocal about her concerns, he becomes humiliated.

This is where it goes into the montage of Jack signing up for the Victory program. There’s another voiceover from Frank explaining the purpose of the program. You get a really upsetting image of Alice chained to their bed while Jack goes back and forth between reality and the virtual world.

This isn’t explained either but the assumption is that when the men go to “work”, they’re still functioning in the real world. When Jack joins the simulation again, he lays down next to Alice who is covered in bruised and unresponsive.

We get back to the simulation and this is after Alice has been brainwashed of reprogrammed. She looks like she did before in her period dress and hairstyle.

Betty greets her and says everyone missed her. Alice says she’s feeling much better and then the cycle begins again with the Jack going to work and Alice remaining at home as the perfect wife. Maybe this was fixed in editing but this was my biggest issue with the film. I didn’t understand how much time was meant to pass from the time Alice returns and when she starts having her breaks again.

When I watched, it felt like she just got home. Jack gets home from work in the afternoon and then Alice starts remembering everything again. It was very rushed with no explanation as to why she has the ability to break through the simulations controls. ��🏻‍♀️

Alice and Jack argue and she rightfully accuses him of trapping her against her will. He grabs onto her and tells her he doesn’t want to lose her and he’s sorry but he starts squeezing too hard causing Alice to panic. She tries to get away but he won’t let go so she grabs a heavy glass nearby and slams it over his head until he lets go.

Betty comes in from next door. The assumption is she must’ve heard everything but that isn’t properly explained either, she kind of just bursts in. She sees Jack and this is where she reveals everything to Alice. She tells Alice that she needs to get away now that she’s killed Jack. She says that Jack is dead both in the simulation and in the real world. Though, again, that’s not explained. Why would someone dying in a virtual world kill them? She tells Alice she chose this life for herself and she apologizes for lying to her. Oh, I forgot to mention that at the dinner before she was taken away, Frank told Alice that Betty told him everything Alice told her at the party.

Alice runs out of her home and the neighbors start coming out and circling her. If you remember, there was a leaked video from this exact moment when Alice is attempting to escape. The street lights burst around her, the color and sky around her start to glitch. It’s not explained why she has the power to affect everything. Or maybe it’s not her at all and the system is just reacting to a user being killed? More questions.

Alice gets into a car and races away into the desert.

I’m not sure why she understands she has to go back to the dome at the top of the hill. It’s mysterious and seems to have some sort of tie to the workings of the simulation but that is never explained either.

Shelley is at home when Frank gets the call about what’s happened. He starts to order people to capture Alice before she can escape but Shelley stabs and kills him. Maybe to help Alice get away? So she must know what’s actually going on. But again, I had to connect a lot of dots myself. I don’t remember if Gemma had dialogue there but she was present at the dinner so she knows how Alice feels. That’s my best guess, she must know. Maybe she created the simulation with Frank? That would’ve been interesting to explore or reveal.

My question was: escape where?

Alice crashes the car halfway up the hill so she has to run up the rest of the way.

And she’s being pursued very closely. But she does make it up the hill and to the dome, just like she did the day she saw the plane crash. She has another vision of Jack who hugs her from behind. And he says the “always me and you” line while wearing that sweater I told you I don’t understand. 😂

But she steps forward right before the men get to her. You get a shot straight on of Alice’s face (which you can see on Olivia’a IG) and then it goes to black and you hear Alice take a deep breath.So the assumption is she woke up in the real world, I think. [of course, she’s meant to be in a coma in the real world, but who cares about closing lot holes or major details like that?].

This is why people, myself included, found the ending confusing. It’s rushed, as I said, and there’s no explanation as to why or how she escapes the virtual world.

I really didn’t like that they added that strange image of Jack hugging her at the end. Unless that was the simulation trying to stop her? [Were you supposed to feel sorry for him? Think he really loved her?] That’s what didn’t sit well with me. There were moments, like Jack looking uncomfortable while dancing or crying in the car, where I had that same thought. Are we supposed to sympathize with this person? Why??

Also keep in mind the version I saw was about 2hrs long. But it sounds like it may be about 90mins from the more recent screening since the person mentioned it was shorter than they thought it would be. That’s probably for the best. I didn’t see anything in the trailer that was new from what I saw. The coloring was improved, but that was the only notable difference.

DWD does not have a strong script, it benefits from Libatique’s cinematography. So the trailer looks very pretty. The song you hear is what Alice sings throughout the movie. She hums it in the teaser too. But it just looks pretty. Maybe cutting it down made it feel more coherent. We’ll know when it leaks.

#don't worry darling spoilers #don't worry darling #don't worry darling screening #don't worry darling trailer #abuse tw #murder tw

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burningupp · 2 years

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Let’s get married as a joke - KSJ

A/N: It’s finally done, on the last day of the prompt challenge, and my god did this take a lot of time and energy to finish lmao. This is my submission for the monthly prompt challenge by @felixtok and @sunnytaes. This month’s prompt was “we could get married as a joke”, but I changed it a little, I hope that’s okay!

Genre: angst, fluff

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x reader

Wordcount: 8210 (I’m so sorry)

Summary: Your best friend Jin has always had a talent of getting you into trouble. Maybe that’s why you’re not surprised that he asks you to marry him as a joke - or that you agree.

Being friends with Seokjin wasn’t easy. He always had the dumbest ideas, and even when you were aware that they were downright moronic, he had a way to get you to do anything he wanted.

When you were 11 years old, he managed to talk you into stealing some candy from a store - just a few lollipops, nothing much - because, in his words, “you’re too small to even be noticed”. He was very incorrect, as it turned out, because you did get caught. The owner was lenient though, and just scolded you and called your mom. She was completely appalled, but your dad insisted that every kid gets at least one indiscretion before being punished. You still got grounded.

When you were 15 years old, he talked you into climbing to the top of a tall-ass pine tree. Apparently he’d made some stupid bet with his friends, saying that you would be able to reach it. They had all bet against him, because you were truly a scaredy-cat at the best of times. He kept claiming he was just “defending your honor”, but really, he was the one putting you in this stupid situation from the beginning. That day was the first time you ever ended up in an ambulance - only after reaching the top, though. Jin, presumably feeling bad, used the money he won to buy you your favorite snacks.

When you were 18 years old, he somehow managed to convince you to twerk on stage at graduation while receiving your diploma. You still have no clue how he managed to talk you into doing something so utterly stupid, but you did it. Your mother was going nuts at this point; you had truly turned into a problem child somewhere along the way.

Except… you hadn’t.

You still had the highest grades, you still spent a lot of time either volunteering or participating in different clubs that would help you in the future. You just had that pesky little devil called Seokjin on your shoulder.

Of course, your parents had no idea that he was behind all of those things. In front of them, he acted like an absolute angel. And the thought of exposing him and his mischievous little tricks never once occurred to you, because he was your best friend. Despite the objectively questionable things he made you do, he was a genuinely good friend.

When you were 13 years old, you got your first period. When you were walking back from lunch together, a drop of blood started running down your leg - you were wearing a skirt that day. Unfortunate, really. With no hesitation, your best friend took off his hoodie and tied it around your waist. Then he took you to the bathroom, getting your gym bag from your locker - it had a pair of comfy sweatpants in it. He even went so far as going to the nurse and asking for a period kit. He brought it all to you in the bathroom, and then didn’t mention anything else about it. The next morning, you found a chocolate bar in your locker with a smiley sticker on it.

When you were 16 years old, you went to your first party. Other people were drinking, but you had decided you didn’t want to. You weren’t scared, you just didn’t feel like it. Seokjin teased you a bit in the beginning, but when you explained yourself, he immediately shut his mouth. Other people were not so kind, and kept making fun of you all night. After many mean, taunting words, you finally caved and were about to take a cup filled with strong liquor offered to you. Before you could accept it from your friend, Seokjin stepped in and grabbed that cup instead, throwing it all back in one go.

“You’re such a loser,” you recall him telling the other boy. “Just because you’re too nervous to have fun without drinking, doesn’t mean others suffer the same unfortunate fate.”

And if he ended up throwing up on your shoes on the way home, you didn’t mention it. Because he had defended you, and stopped you from caving in the face of peer pressure.

Now that you were both 30, having graduated college a long time ago, you still met up every single Friday. Movie nights had been a sacred tradition since you were 12, and neither of you would give it up for the world.

Because of the eighteen years of movie nights, you had the routine down pat. He would come to your place, bringing both of your favorite takeout orders with him, and you would make sure there were enough snacks to feed an army. Then you would talk shit through all three movies you watched before he crashed on the couch and you moved to your bed, only to go out for brunch the next morning.

Something you somehow still weren’t expecting, however, were the words he uttered when he burst through your door one fateful Friday.

“Let’s get married as a joke!”

You had been fully caught off guard, and as such, you choked on the wine you had been in the process of drinking. It made him laugh gently, quickly coming over to you and rubbing your back until you could breathe again.

“You’re ridiculous. Now bring me my sushi, thank you,” you firmly stated, wiping the few tears that had escaped your eyes following your entirely gracious and dignified coughing fit.

Your best friend rolled his eyes, handing you the bag containing your precious food. You could tell that he was far from done with the conversation he had started, but you would do your best to finish it for him.

It wasn’t something you were comfortable joking about, to be honest. For a long time, you’d hosted far more than friendly feelings for your best friend; basically all your life, actually. Because for every dumb thing he had talked you into, he had supported you through something you were struggling with. Also, you weren’t blind. You were convinced that your best friend was the most handsome man to ever grace this planet. Obviously, being around that would have an effect on you.

“No but listen,” he started while unpacking his own food from the bag. He had ordered the greasiest burger he could find. “If we got marri-”

“Kim Seokjin, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I swear to God I’m going to slap you,” you calmly informed him. He seemingly paid your warning no mind.

“If we got married,” he started again, “imagine how surprised everyone else would be! That would be the absolute funniest shit ever.”

Leave it to Jin to think that the funniest prank he could ever pull was to actually settle down with someone. The fact that he was suggesting actually getting married worried you, because maybe you would have agreed if he asked you to fake it, but really getting married? That must be where your limit was, surely.

Your friend was regarding you intensely, staring at you as you poured the soy sauce and broke your chopsticks apart. You felt unnerved; his eyes on you always made you shiver. Maybe that was how he managed to convince you to do all the stupid shit you did in your life.

The thing is, you couldn’t even lie. Being married to Jin sounded like an absolute dream. He was gentle and kind, and knew you inside and out. He always listened when you spoke, and knew when to be serious and supportive and when to make you laugh. He was clean, too, and good at cooking. Living together wouldn’t be all that bad - in fact, it was something the two of you had discussed doing before his current roommates convinced him to move in with them.

Perhaps that was for the best, considering the way your heart was racing during this conversation.

“I figured we could hate-watch Twilight tonight, they just put it back on Netflix,” was all you said after popping the first piece of nigiri into your mouth.

“Y/n, I’m serious,” he whined. “We should get married, as a joke! Would it really be that bad to be married to me?”

You sighed deeply, grabbing your wine glass and emptying it in one swig. You would need more of it to get through this evening, it seemed.

“No, Jin, you’re a great person, and one day you’re going to make some woman the happiest person ever,” you started, but quickly kept going when he opened his mouth. “However, I’m not that woman. You don’t even see me like that, dude. I don’t think you’re realizing how huge of a thing marriage is.”

“Marriage doesn’t have to be a big thing, okay? If we just do it for like four or five months, we can get it annulled afterwards! Not even a divorce!” Then he smirked and kept going. “But I mean, we could also just stay married if you want, I know I’m irresistible.”

How come he always had the perfect counter-arguments for everything? It was infuriating. And also somehow swaying you. Were you seriously so in love with this man that you would marry him as a joke? You really wished you could say no to that without lying.

You had to say no, though. You knew that while he might take marriage lightly, you didn’t. The view you’d had of your life for your entire life had included meeting someone you loved deeply enough to make the promise of forever to. While you weren’t religious, marriage was still sacred to you in that it was the biggest commitment one could ever make.

“Jinnie, you know I love you, but I can’t do that. That’s… I can’t,” you whispered, looking into his eyes to convey how much it would hurt you to go through with his completely insane plan.

Seeing the vulnerability in your eyes, your best friend did what he does best; he understood. He just nodded, and then he did what you asked before and turned on Twilight, cringing as he did so because that movie was truly awful to both of you. And just like that, he made you laugh, and everything was good again.

~*~

Once the movie was over, Jin groaned in relief. You both mocked that piece of cinema to bits, and neither one of you felt bad about it. Nevertheless, you laughed at his dramatics, flicking a piece of pickled ginger at the remnants of his fries. He gasped at the audacity you had, before tackling you to the couch and tickling you half to death.

It was in moments like those that it was so easy for you to forget that you weren’t actually dating. That the man currently on top of you, almost laughing more than you were, wasn’t yours. That he probably never would be.

“I yield!” you shrieked after a solid minute of torture, your stomach hurting more than you’d like to admit.

At your words, Jin pulled back, looking down at you lovingly, and you almost didn't want to look away. He let out another chuckle before releasing you from the torture you were undergoing, and laid down on top of you with a happy sigh. You instinctively started running your hands through his hair, making the man on top of you practically purr in contentment.

You stayed like that for a while. Him on top of you, you gently scratching at his scalp. Those were the moments you cherished the most. Where, despite your relationship being strictly platonic, you would just sink into a comfortable space while you touched in any way you could. Sometimes he would hold your hand while you were both reading; others, he would be enveloping your entire body like he was right then. You felt… content. Happy.

“See, being married would be like this. Would that be so bad?” he asked you quietly, and your fingers stopped combing through his hair.

“Jin-” you started, but he sat up and looked at you, effectively shutting you up.

His hair was mussed from your earlier ministrations, his cheeks a little flushed from laughing with you, and his eyes sparkling with the adoration he held for you. Even if it was only in a friendly manner, you hoped that spark in his eyes would never change.

“Look,” he sighed, and you listened without objection. “I’m sorry I made it seem as if this wasn’t a big deal to me, because it is. Of course it is. It’s you, and it’s marriage, and it’s huge.” You nodded to show that you were listening and understanding. “Partly, it would be really hilarious to mess with our friends-” you rolled your eyes, “but also… My family is putting pressure on me. Pressure I don’t want.”

“What kind of pressure?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper.

Seokjin’s family had always been less understanding than your own. Maybe it was because his parents were pretty well-regarded people who cared a lot about image, but they had never liked their son’s aversion to larger commitments. He always preferred taking jobs which would allow more freedom and less hours. At the moment, he was a consultant. He made a lot of money, but his parents still weren’t happy about it. He always made friends that were kind of loosely in his life, people who he saw a few times a year but no more. If he went on dates, he only saw the girl once or twice before calling things off.

So if you were honest, you weren’t surprised at his parents putting pressure on him; they’d always done that. However, it did concern you; you knew that it usually harmed his own confidence, as he always wanted to please them on some level.

“They want me to get married,” he confessed, and you sucked in a breath. “That’s why I’m asking you. I-I know it’s not the romantic proposal you dreamt of, but it’s… I can’t imagine asking anyone but you to marry me. You know how I am, I can’t-” His voice cracked, and he shut his eyes for a second, taking a calming breath through his nose before looking at you once more. “I can’t invite someone else into my life like that.”

Oh, did your heart break for him. You understood the pressure he was feeling - your parents had been pushing you too, just not as much - and it wasn’t pleasant. Aside from that, you knew what he meant. There were reasons why he kept people at a distance, why he didn’t want anyone else in his life. Not the way you were in his life.

The thing that made you break the most, however, was the way he said you were the only person he could even fathom asking. Wasn’t it what you always wanted to hear? Granted, the context was different, and he didn’t love you like that, but… Would it be so bad? Plus, it would get your parents off your back for a while.

“Jinnie…” you whispered, gulping. “If we’re doing this, we need a proper plan. I mean it. And fooling your parents means that we will have to stay married for a lot longer than a few months…”

He took a few seconds to process the words you’d just thrown at him, but then he broke out into a huge smile, tackling you to the couch in a hug. You giggled and slapped him gently upside the head, but he just nuzzled deep into the crook of your neck in response.

“Y/n, I don’t mind staying married to you for as long as we need. I could even stay married to you forever,” he mumbled against the skin of your neck. You knew he was exaggerating, of course, but that didn’t stop your optimistic little heart from beating hard and fast against your ribcage.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean, Jinnie,” you said back. This made him pull his face out of your neck, eyebrows furrowed at you.

“I mean it, Y/n. Let’s not set an end date, okay? We can feel it out. That will be more natural for them anyway.”

You had to agree with him. His parents were unfortunately very perceptive, and you had no doubt that they would somehow know if you had decided when the two of you would get a divorce. Sighing, you nodded at him, and the smile returned to his face, his head falling back onto your chest.

“Telling everyone is going to be so funny,” he said, and you could feel his grin as he pressed his face against the skin of your neck.

And that is how you got engaged to Kim Seokjin.

~*~

“Are you crazy?!” Hoseok shouted, making everyone in the restaurant focus on your table.

After discussing things with Jin, because he always did anything and everything he could to assuage your fears and insecurities, you agreed that at least Hoseok should know the truth. Partly because it would be nice for someone to know the truth, but mostly because he was a drama queen and most likely would start another world war if he thought the two of you had been hiding a relationship from him. Apparently, neither option was peaceful.

“No but look, they’re pressuring him! I can’t just let them force him into a marriage with someone he hates,” you try to reason, taking a sip of your wine. Honestly, what was your life at this point?

“Don’t act like this is some valiant thing you’re doing for his sake,” your friend scoffs, raising an eyebrow at you. “You’re doing this because you wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him marry someone else, and you know I’m right.”

God, how you wished you could rightfully refute his words. Unfortunately, you could not, because even though Hoseok hadn’t known you for quite as long as Jin had, he knew almost everything about you - including (but not limited to) your embarrassing crush on your best friend.

When you didn’t respond to him, he just sighed and placed his head in his hands. Honestly, you related to that feeling; you were a dumbass at the best of times, and this was definitely not the best of times.

“You can��t marry him like this, Y/n.”

You feel yourself deflate. “Yeah, I know.”

After that, there was silence for a while. The two of you finished your food and drinks, and then you sat there for a while longer, just thinking about the situation you just ended up in. Because truly, this situation was unfathomable. How had you agreed to a practically loveless marriage with your best friend? You loved him, but he most likely didn’t love you. At least not in the way you wanted him to love you.

“I won’t stop you,” he finally sighed out, and you looked up from your lap where you had been fiddling with your hands. “If you are okay with this, I will be happy for you. I just want you to really think about this, yeah? Just because you agreed up until now, doesn’t mean you have to actually go through with it if you don’t want to.”

“I know, Hobi,” you whispered back, looking up at the ceiling and blinking your tears back.

The thought that Jin didn’t love you the way you loved him hurt. It hurt so much, you thought your heart would shrivel up in a corner of your chest and never show itself again. Would you really be able to stand a loveless marriage with the love of your life? The immediate answer that popped up in your head was no. He would undoubtedly meet someone he would fall in love with somewhere down the line, and in that case, he would either get a divorce or cheat on you. Of course Jin would never cheat on anyone, but the thought of a divorce was too much for you. You had to rethink this.

But could you actually tell him no when it came down to it? Considering your history with Seokjin’s ideas… no. You knew he needed you, just like you had needed him the day you technically became a woman. And he had stepped up, far more than he even needed to, just because he knew that you were in need of support. What kind of friend would you be if you didn’t return the favor?

That’s why, despite Hoseok’s protests, you asked him to keep the secret of your not-so-real marriage and support you in your decision to go through with your deal with Jin. What was the worst that could happen? Sure, your feelings may get a bit hurt, but other than that there wasn’t really a lot. And in your head, your best friend’s happiness was above your comfort.

~*~

You had almost expected things to get awkward with Jin after agreeing to marry him, but nothing was really different. You still went and got food together, and talked about everything between heaven and Earth. Nothing felt uncomfortable or forced despite your unorthodox situation, and you were really relieved.

The thing that had changed the most was the fact that now he would hold your hand while you were walking. He would hold doors open for you, and pay for your food when you had lunch together - which was more often than ever, seeing as you had a wedding to plan.

“Let’s go pick a ring out for you, yeah?” he asked during one such meeting, and it made you choke on the slice of pizza you were in the midst of inhaling. Ever the gentleman, he gazed at you worriedly, patting your back and handing you a water glass. Still, he was Seokjin after all, and so he had to tease you a little bit. “Are you gonna choke on something every time we discuss the wedding?”

You glared at him as hard as you could, but he just laughed, handing you an extra napkin.

You hadn’t really thought of the fact that you had to get a ring. While the two of you acting as you normally would was a relief for you, it was also allowing you to live in denial of the entire deal. You were planning your wedding, sure, but you were still on the abstract details. You were discussing the amount of people you wanted to invite and trying to put together a list, picking a general theme, and discussing dates, all of which felt like you were just planning a normal party.

But getting a ring? That was different. That was a physical symbol of what you had agreed to, not to mention an expensive one. It would mean you would finally have to tell the people in your life that the two of you were getting married, and that you would need to explain how you ended up there - while lying through your teeth, of course.

“Yeah, okay,” you told your best friend after getting the piece of pizza out of your airway. “I, uh, I’ll have to dig into my savings a bit, but it’s fi-”

“Absolutely not,” he interrupted you. “I’m paying for it, and that’s final.”

“Jin-”

“No. If we had done this the traditional way, that’s what would have happened anyway. There are many things we’re forgoing in this relationship, but this is not one of them. I’m not making you pay a fortune to do me a favor, my love.”

His words shut you up. Not because of his talk of tradition, but because of the term of endearment he called you. He usually called you darling or babe in a joking manner, but he had never called you something so… intimate. Something that he would call a partner, something reserved for that special someone in his life. You had to admit, you liked it.

Taking your silence as acquiescence, he smiled happily and grabbed your hand over the table. Honestly, his smile wasn’t good for your health.

As soon as you finished your food, you gathered your things and went on the hunt for a jeweler. Just like he had been doing every time you met up since the “engagement”, Jin held your hand and made sure you were walking on the part of the sidewalk furthest away from the road. You saw a group of older women pointing your way and swooning, giving you a playfully jealous look to which you simply smiled sheepishly.

That was something you noticed about being with Jin in a romantic manner. More people were staring at you than ever before. Jealous glances from both men and women, and honestly, you received better service in stores too. Part of it was probably that anyone could tell that your best friend had money; he wasn’t exactly subtle in the way he dressed in designer clothing from head to toe. You were pretty sure that you were right in thinking that most of the attention came from the way he looked, though. No one was able to resist his handsome face and tall, broad frame.

It was in moments like those that you often caught yourself forgetting that this was all an act. You and Jin weren’t desperately in love, you weren’t having this wedding as a celebration of your love but as a necessity for him not to have to marry some random person his parents picked out for him. You were alone in your affections for him, and that thought stung more than you were willing to admit.

When the two of you entered the jeweler you had found on Google maps, you were received with open arms - once again, probably the effect of the man leading you inside being obviously wealthy. The store employee gushed over the two of you once she found out you wanted to look for an engagement ring, and immediately led you to a case with the most expensive rings you had ever seen. The price tags outright made your eyes bulge out of your skull, but Jin’s hand on the small of your back reassured you that this was where he wanted to look.

“Nothing but the best for my wife,” he whispered to you conspiratorially, eyes glinting with mirth.

Your best friend watched your reaction to every ring that was brought forth expectantly, just waiting for the one that would make your eyes light up. Many made you ooh and ah, but none of them were really right for you. Looking rather dejected, the woman dragged the pair of you over to another display with slightly cheaper rings. At first it seemed like all hope was lost there as well, but then you saw it. The ring that felt like it was already yours, way before you even tried it on.

It fit you perfectly.

It was a silver band with three gray, smoky-looking diamonds on it, the two smaller ones surrounding one that was slightly bigger. It wasn’t very extravagant, but you adored it nonetheless. Jin smiled when he saw the ring, and immediately told the saleswoman that you had made up your mind.

After checking out, you walked out of the shop and agreed to go to the park to get some ice cream - the two of you decided years ago that pizza wasn’t an acceptable meal without ice cream to go along with it. You’re not wearing the ring as you walk, but Jin still holds your hand just like before, and everything still feels way too real.

When you got to the ice cream cart, there was a young girl manning the ice cream stand. Upon seeing the face of your friend, she immediately straightened up a bit and put on a smile that was way too friendly to just be for customer service purposes. You internally rolled your eyes, but honestly, you were used to this.

“Hi, welcome! How can I help you?” she asked, sickly sweet smile emphasized by the way she batted her eyelashes at the tall man in front of her.

“Oh shoot, I forgot to ask which flavor you wanted darling,” he pouted at you, completely ignoring the woman in front of him. You barely managed to hold your snort in when the girl glared at you as if you ruined her life. “Which one?”

You decided to play along with Jin, purely because the ice cream girl was annoying you. You say that, but also, you most definitely wanted to keep living in the fantasy of actually being engaged to your best friend.

“What, you don’t remember my favorite, my love?” you teased with a smile, adding your best loving gaze for good measure.

For a fraction of a second, Jin paused entirely. It was so slight that you almost didn’t catch on, but you had known each other for so long that nothing got past you anymore. He was quick to catch himself, the mischief in his eyes returning as quickly as it went away as he grinned cheesily at you.

Lord, his smile was nice.

“Of course I do, it’s still strawberry, isn’t it?”

You giggled (a little exaggeratedly, just for the benefit of your audience) and nodded, stepping closer to him so he could envelop you in his arms. Then you looked up at the girl in the stall again, and she looked so dejected that it was kind of funny. You could feel the way Jin held back a laugh when he saw the same thing you did, and you knew the two of you were absolutely mocking this poor girl to pieces once you both got out of earshot.

After getting your ice cream, you started walking aimlessly around the park. It was a really nice day, warm but a little bit breezy, and the two of you were partially protected from the sunlight thanks to the surrounding trees. You stopped when you found a bench next to a pond with ducks in it, and sat down to enjoy your frozen treat.

“So,” he started to say, and put his plastic spoon back into his cup. “Did you tell anyone that we’re together?”

This, predictably, caused your second choking-session of the day. You didn’t even blame Jin for laughing at you. But of course, being the caring friend he is, he still helped you by patting your back and providing a bottle of water that he bought at the ice cream stall. You took a few minutes to regain lung function, and then you glared at your admittedly helpful friend.

“Do you ever just… not say stupid shit?”

This made your friend cackle even louder, and a few people looked over to see what was going on.

“I thought you’d know the answer to that by now,” he teased, and you hummed.

“Yeah, well, doesn’t hurt to ask,” you mumbled, taking the napkin he was giving you for the ice cream next to your lips. “To answer your question, no. I mean, I told Hobi, but I told him the truth, so… no, I didn’t tell anyone we’re together.”

The two of you hadn’t really discussed how to break the news to your friends. Honestly, you hadn’t discussed much regarding the marriage itself either. You had no idea what would happen the day he fell in love with someone else, and you really didn’t want to think about it either. However, some practical part of your brain recognized that you would need to do that at some point, so you decided that now probably would be an opportune time.

“Hey… I was thinking we should talk more in detail about everything,” you mumbled while scooping some ice cream onto your spoon. “You know, about our marriage.”

“Ah,” Jin said, nodding thoughtfully. “Anything in particular that you feel we need to talk about, my love?”

There he went again, calling you by such intimate nicknames. You felt the urge to stop this conversation, just so you could ignore this entire situation. While you did start it, you wanted to remain in the little bubble that was your deal of marriage - the one where you could pretend that you were a normal couple who were excited to vow to love each other forever. You told yourself that you had more strength than that, even if you didn’t really believe it.

“Just everything, I think?” you admitted. “Is there nothing that you want more… information about?”

“Hm,” he hummed, looking out over the pond. “Not really.” You bristled at his words, because how could he be so sure of your marriage? How come he had no doubts? “As long as it’s you and me, there’s no problem.”

The smile he flashed at you after his proclamation was absolutely fatal. It was one of sincerity, filled with love - whether platonic or not - and trust. He trusted that the two of you would be okay no matter what, and that you wouldn’t do anything to screw him over. There was warmth in your chest at his words, and you almost didn’t push the matter any more; almost.

“I know, you and I have always been good,” you admitted, putting your spoonful of strawberry goodness into your mouth thoughtfully. “I was just thinking about the future, you know? Like, somewhere down the line you will probably fall in love with someone else. Then what do we do?”

At this, Seokjin’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. “I might fall in love with someone else? Not you?”

You felt the heating of your face and knew that you were completely red without even looking in a mirror. Your friend was smiling fondly at you, and reached to wipe the corner of your mouth where there was a small drop of melted ice cream once again. You stared at him. At such a close distance, he looked even more handsome than usual, and you could feel your traitorous heart thudding in your chest.

“Well, one of us, you know,” you managed to mumble once he was finished wiping at your lips.

“I honestly don’t see that happening, at least for me,” Jin informed you casually while leaning back against the bench, his empty cup of ice cream clutched in his hand while he gazed out over the pond once again. “But of course, I wouldn’t keep you in a marriage you’re unhappy in. You know I could never do that to anyone, much less to you.”

His words undoubtedly made your heart skip another beat. He had always looked out for you, and due to his reluctance to get close to people, it had been the two of you against the world since an early age. You knew he probably meant it just like that, that he just wanted to emphasize how much you meant to him as a friend, but your heart wouldn’t let your brain finish that thought. You didn’t want to finish that thought.

Even though you were going through absolute turmoil on the inside, you just scoffed on the outside. What were you supposed to do, really?

“So what do you propose we do in the event of that situation, Romeo?”

Your words had no real bite to them. They never did when it came to your best friend; he was far too dear to you for that, despite his innate ability to piss you off.

“Get a divorce, obviously,” he said, shrugging as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

You stared at him, swallowing thickly. You didn’t know what you had hoped he would say, but this wasn’t it. Just referring to a possible divorce between the two of you made your heart ache and filled you with anxiety. Both because you were in love with him and because you feared your relationship would suffer from it.

“However,” he continued, looking at you, “that wouldn’t change anything between us, would it? I mean we made it this far, and you’re objectively a pain in my ass.”

Your jaw dropped open at his words, and he cackled at your expression. He had always loved innocently tormenting you, especially your reaction afterwards it seemed. You smacked his arm indignantly, and he raised his hands in front of his handsome face to protect it.

“I think you meant the other way around, you absolute nuisance,” you proclaimed, and he chuckled, nodding in acknowledgement.

When you raised your hand to lightly smack him once more - he really deserved it - he quickly slid closer to you and wrapped his arms around your body, rendering your arms unusable as they were stuck to your sides. You narrowed your eyes at him, and he just smiled back giddily. You really loved him.

You stayed on the bench for quite some time, discussing a few details about your wedding and joking around. After a discussion about how to tell your friends and some theorizing as to all of their reactions to your sudden union, you discussed having an engagement party. With the pain of planning your wedding in mind, you ended up quickly settling for a pretty normal cocktail party - you couldn’t even describe the pain that was googling “how to plan a wedding”, and you refused to google anything party-related after that.

Obviously, the girl at the ice cream stand was not left out of your conversation, and certainly not spared from mockery. When Jin perfectly executed her way-too-sweet voice and eyelash-flutter combo, you laughed so hard that you almost threw up both your ice cream and pizza. Luckily, you managed to stop yourself in time.

It really was lucky, because suddenly, your best friend got off the bench and stood in front of you. You looked up at him questioningly, wiping the few tears that somehow managed to escape your waterline.

“Jinnie?”

Then, he got down on one knee. You covered your mouth, and he grinned at you brightly. Your mind completely short-circuited seeing him like that. This fantasy was getting a little too real for your brain to keep up with. He procured the ring box from his pocket, and presented it to you. You were vaguely aware of people watching the moment unfolding between the two of you, some even recording.

“Y/n, we’ve been best friends for practically all our lives,” he began. “We’ve been through lots of ups and downs together, and there is no one I could imagine spending my life with other than you. So, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

You felt torn. On one hand, your entire heart was melting at his words. Hearing them like this, with him on one knee and presenting you with the ring that was entirely perfect for you… it was all you had ever wanted from your best friend. On the other hand, this proposal wasn’t genuine. He wasn’t proposing because of an inability to live without you, out of a love so strong he had no other choice; he was doing this out of convenience. It honestly broke your cowering heart in two.

A few seconds passed as this turmoil took place in your mind. Tears were leaking out of your eyes. At last, you gave in and let your heart rejoice at the proposal. Your face split into a huge grin as you nodded tearfully at your best friend, and he grinned right back. He grabbed your left hand, gently sliding the ring onto your finger where the two of you admired it. Your heart was thudding against your ribs so violently that you were sure they were about to break. You allowed your happiness to shove that pesky melancholy that lingered and tugged at your heart to the background, fully focusing on the elation you felt in that moment.

Jin rose from the ground and pulled you up with him, cupping your face in his hands so gently and reverently you might as well have been made of glass. You kept grinning up at him as he brushed his thumbs over your cheekbones, gazing down at you with such a happy expression you thought your heart would break again.

Now, you had known Seokjin for many years at that point. He had done many unexpected things during your friendship - admittedly, you didn’t even know what to expect him to do. There was the time when out of nowhere, he pushed you into a park pond while you were walking home from school, saying you needed to “cool off” when questioned. That same night, he stayed up late to help you rewrite your ruined homework so you could turn it in on time. There was also the time when he decided to spontaneously start a food war in the cafeteria by flicking you with his mashed potatoes. When asked why, he said you looked sad and he wanted to cheer you up. You refused to tell him that it had worked.

Out of all the idiotic, unexpected things he had done over the years, him kissing you after his proposal had to be one of the least predictable ones. It wasn’t invasive or anything; he glanced at your lips a few times before leaning in slowly, giving you ample time to pull away from him before his lips met yours. When you didn’t, he allowed them to collide in a gentle brush, still holding your face softly.

You had wanted him to kiss you for so long. Often when you laid in bed, right before you fell asleep, you fantasized about what it would be like. You consciously avoided thinking about it otherwise, because you knew you would absolutely lose your mind if you did. Having him so close yet so far away haunted you enough as it was.

Despite all the times you had imagined the feeling of his lips on yours, none of them lived up to the reality. His plump lips did not disappoint; they were so soft against yours, almost a whisper of a touch. The electricity you felt between the two of you made you press your mouth harder against his, seeking all the contact you could get.

At the shaky sigh he let out against your lips, you pulled back, staring at him dumbfoundedly. It woke you from the stupor of kissing your best friend and brought you back to reality. He didn’t like you like that, right? His eyes were still half-closed, and there was a ghost of a smile gracing the lips that had just been pressed against yours.

“Do you have any idea,” he breathed, voice raspy, “how long I have wanted to do that for? Because honestly, I don’t even remember how long it’s been anymore.”

His words startled you further, and you just blinked at him. At your lack of response, he straightened up, his hands falling from your face onto your shoulders as he cleared his throat. You stayed there like that for a few seconds. You didn’t know what to say. What did he mean? He couldn’t possibly mean that he loved you too, right? You immediately berated your hopeful little heart for beating as fast as it was.

“Jin, I’m not-”

“No, I know you’re not in love with me, it’s okay,” he sighed, tilting his head back and squeezing his eyes shut. “At least not the way I am in love with you. I’m sorry if I made everything uncomfortable now, I didn’t mean to. I just… I got so happy when you said yes,” he admitted, raising his head to look at you again.

“Hold on,” you said slowly, and your fiancée winced, “you… love me?”

At your words, he sighed, scratching the back of his neck before nodding. What was the point of lying to you any longer? He had loved you for as long as he could remember. When he had forced you to climb that damn tree for him, it was because some nasty boys in your class had been calling you a crybaby. And while you were one, he couldn’t just stand by and listen to them talk shit about his best friend and the girl he’d had a crush on for as long as he’d known her. When you fell on the way down, he hated it more than anything else. Your face as you cried in pain would be forever ingrained in his mind, reminding him of what a shitty friend he could be at times.

He never could go on more than one or two dates with other women, because he couldn’t stop comparing them to you. None of them measured up to what he wanted - needed - to be happy. And now, when his parents had started putting pressure on him to get married with the threat of setting him up with some “respectable” girl, he knew that his only option was to talk you into it. Just the thought of marrying someone that wasn’t you… he couldn’t even imagine it. You had always been there, and if you wouldn’t continue to be there, he was sure that he would implode or something. He needed you.

As much as you had imagined kissing him, he had imagined kissing you too. God, had he imagined it. It was practically all he could think about these days, especially after you agreed to the whole marriage ordeal. Finally getting to kiss you was everything he could have dreamed about and more, and if you would still marry him after his impromptu confession post-proposal, he would be the luckiest man alive. Honestly though, he wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to anymore.

“Kim Seokjin,” you breathed, cupping his cheeks just like he had yours a few moments ago, “you are crazy if you think that I don’t love you back.”

You watched with a smile and a fluttering heart as his brain seemed to struggle to comprehend this information. It was his turn to blink dumbly at you, mouth slightly open in complete and utter shock. Your smile honestly wasn’t helping his situation.

Instead of answering you, he just pressed his lips against yours once more, this time with more urgency. You kissed him back, sliding your hands around his neck and pressing him to you. The two of you had completely forgotten where you were, so when his tongue prodded at your bottom lip, you didn’t hesitate to open your mouth for him. He tasted like the vanilla ice cream he had just been devouring combined with something uniquely Jin.

After a while, the need to breathe snapped you out of your stupor and you remembered that you were, in fact, in public. Blushing heavily, you hid your face against your fiancées broad chest, and he did nothing but envelop you in his arms. You couldn’t see it, but he was wearing the biggest grin you had ever seen on anyone.

~*~

“Bitch, can I meet you once without you giving me a heart attack?!” Hobi screeched at you as you relayed the sudden confession scene in the park. “I swear, one of these days you’ll actually make me keel over, oh my God.”

You laughed merrily at your best friend’s words, because really, this was unexpected. Jin, who was sitting beside you in the restaurant, seemed a lot more self-conscious about the stares you were receiving due to the noise than either you or Hoseok were. Honestly, the two of you together was a recipe for chaos no matter where you went.

“Could you not call my fiancée a bitch? Thanks,” the tall man beside you chastised, grabbing your hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

Hobi made fake gagging noises, which pulled more disgusted looks in your direction. “I didn’t think it could get worse than seeing the two of you pine over each other all these years. Guess I jinxed myself.” His face was scrunched up in a grimace, and he stuck his tongue out as if he was feeling ill.

“Oh please, we all suffered through your and Yoongi’s trainwreck of a love story, it’s our turn,” you teasingly shot back. That shut him up pretty quickly - he was no doubt remembering the time they got caught doing the nasty in a club bathroom five minutes after he had sworn he would die hating the cat-like man. Unfortunately, you and Jin were the ones to find them. You would never be free of the trauma.

After dinner with Hobi, which was filled with a lot of screaming and loud laughing, Jin drove you home. He held your hand over the center console, and you gazed lovingly at his face for way too long. At a stoplight, he turned to look at you, chuckling.

“What, do I have something on my face?”

“I’m just looking,” you shot back playfully, and your fiancée grinned.

Your fiancée. You would never wrap your head around that. After a lifetime of loving him in secret, the two of you were finally getting married. You were going to make the promise of being together for all eternity, and this time, you felt no apprehension in doing so. He was yours, and you were his. Forever. And damn did it feel good.

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sineala · 3 years

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How would you say fandom culture has changed over the years? What are some differences you notice between older and younger fandom folks?

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to answer this, and I’m not sure I have a really good answer, but I’m going to try.

I’ve been in fandom since approximately 1995. Maybe 1994. At that point, the world wide web was a relatively new part of the internet, and the fandoms I was in had most of their activity on privately-hosted mailing lists (predating eGroups/OneList/Yahoo Groups) and on Usenet newsgroups, with fiction beginning to be available on websites as part of either fandom-specific or pairing-specific archives as well as authors’ individual pages. Fanfiction.net did not yet exist. LiveJournal did not exist. AO3 definitely did not exist. If you wanted real-time chat, there was IRC. I was coming in basically at the tail end of zine fandom; zines were no longer the only way of distributing fanfiction, as fandom started to move online. So I have a selection of zines from 90s-era Western media fandoms but even by then zines weren’t where I was doing most of my reading.

I think in terms of generally “what it was like to be in fandom,” the big-picture stuff hasn’t changed. Fandom still produces creative fanwork and likes to, y’know, get together and talk about fandom. Also, almost every fight or complaint that fandom has about something is a thing that has been going on for actual years. People complain that, say, the kudos button is ruining comment culture because back in the LJ days the only way you could comment on a story was, well, by leaving an actual comment, or sending an email on a mailing list, and this might mean that people who would have otherwise commented have left a kudos instead. But back in the LJ and mailing list days, people were complaining that commenting was going downhill since the days of zines, when in order to comment on a story you had to write a real paper letter and mail it and because you had to do that, the quality of feedback was so much better than you got nowadays because people could just dash off a quick email or comment. You get the idea. Top/bottom wars are not new either. Pairing wars are not new. If you’ve been in fandom a while, you will pretty much have seen all the fights already. I think one thing that is new, though, is the fandom awareness of things like privilege and intersectionality and various -isms, as well as things like “providing warnings might be nice” (do you know how much unwarned deathfic I have read? a lot!) and I sure won’t say we’re perfect at any of this now, but I think fandom is trying way way more about all that stuff than it used to.

There are some fights we actually don’t have anymore, as far as I can tell. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen the “real person fiction is wrong” battle, but also I don’t hang out in a whole lot of RPF fandoms, so it’s possible that’s still going and I just don’t see it.

There also used to be a recurring debate about whether gay relationships that were canonical were slash or not. When slash started, obviously this wasn’t a question because there weren’t canonical gay relationships in fandoms, period. But as gay characters began to appear in media, people started to wonder “does slash mean all same-sex relationships, or does slash mean only non-canonical same-sex relationships?” Now, you may be reading this and think that sounds like an incredibly weird thing to get hung up on, but that’s because what appears to have happened is that the term “ship” (originally from X-Files Mulder/Scully fandom) has, as far as I can tell, come up and eaten most of the rest of the terminology. Now people will just say, “oh, I ship that.” For any pairing, gay or not, canonical or not. Fandom seems to have decided that for the most part it no longer actually needs a term specific to same-sex relationships as a genre.

Similarly, there are a few genres of fic that we used to have also pretty much don’t exist anymore. There are also plenty of genres that are well-entrenched now that are also extremely recent -- A/B/O comes to mind. But there are some kinds of fic we don’t write a lot of now. Like, I haven’t seen smarm in years! I also haven’t seen We’re Not Gay We Just Love Each Other in a while. There was also a particular style of slash writing where you’d basically have to explain, in detail, what made you think that these particular characters could be anything other than straight. You’d have to motivate this decision. You’d have to look at their canonical heterosexual relationships and come up with a way to explain why all those had happened in order to reconcile how this one guy could have romantic feelings for another guy. When had he figured out he wasn’t straight? Who might he have been with before? How does he interact with people in ways that make you think he’s not straight? That kind of thing. You had to, essentially, show your work. And these days a lot of fanfic is just like, “Okay, Captain America is bisexual, let’s go!” It’s... different.

Fandom also used to skew older, is my sense. A lot older. I don’t know, actually, if it really was older, but I get the sense now that there are some younger people who are surprised that adults are still in fandom. I have seen people saying these days that they think they’re too old for fanfiction because they are not in middle school anymore. And I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the barriers to access fandom are a lot lower than they used to be. You used to basically have to be an adult with disposable income (or know an adult with disposable income who was willing to help you out; but even then if you were reading explicit fiction you also had to swear you were 18+, usually by sending in an age statement to whoever you were buying the zine from or to the mods of the list you wanted to join, so a lot of fandom was very much age-gated). Internet access was not widely available. Even if you had internet access, you maybe didn’t have your own email address, so you couldn’t sign up for mailing lists; free email providers didn’t exist. If you wanted to buy zines, you had to have money to buy them. If you wanted to go to cons, you had to be able to afford the cost of the con, travel to the con, et cetera. If you wanted to have a website you had to know HTML. Social media did not exist. You want to draw art? Guess what, you’re probably drawing it on paper! You might be able to upload a picture to your website if you have a digital camera or a scanner, but both of those things are expensive, and also a lot of people don’t have the capability or the money to download pictures from the internet (some people have data caps with overage charges, and some people have text-only connections!), so they won’t get to see it. Maybe you can sell your piece at a con! You want to make a fanvid? We called them songvids, but, anyway, you know how you’re doing that? You’re going to hook two VCRs together and smash the play and record buttons very fast! If you want anyone else to watch them, you are either making them a tape personally and mailing it to them or bringing your vids to a convention. Maybe you can digitize them and upload them, but it’s going to take people hours to download them!

(Every three hours my ISP would kick me off the internet and I’d have to dial in again. If it was a busy time of day, it might take me 20 or 30 minutes to get a connection again. And that was assuming no one else in the house needed to use the phone line. Imagine if your modem went out every three hours now.)

And now, for the cost of my internet connection, I can read pretty much whatever fanfiction I want, whenever I want it. I can see all the fanart I want! I can watch vids! Podfic exists now! Fanmixes exist! Gifsets and moodboards exist! If I want to write fic I can write it with programs that are completely free, and as soon as I post it everyone in the entire world can read it. If I want to draw or make vids that may require some additional investment, but I may also be able to do it with things I already have. Do you have any idea how good we all have it?

There are a couple of kinds of fan activity that don’t seem to exist anymore, though, and I miss them. I know that roleplaying still goes on, but I feel like these days most people who do real-time text roleplay have switched to things like Discord. I know that in the LJ days, RP communities were popular. But I really miss MU*s (MUDs, MUSHes, MOOs, MUXes..), which were servers for real-time text-based RP with a bunch of... hmm... features to aid RP. There were virtual rooms with text descriptions, and objects in virtual rooms with descriptions, and your character had a description, and they could interact with the objects as well as with other characters, and you could program things to change descriptions or emit various kinds of text or take you to different rooms, and so on. Just to, y’know, enhance the atmosphere. It was fun and it was where I learned to RP and I’m sad they’re pretty much gone now.

I also don’t think I see a lot of fanfiction awards in fandoms. Wonder where they went.

Going back to the previous point, the barriers to actually consuming the canon you are fannish about are way, way, way lower now. You can pretty much take it for granted that if right now someone tells you about a shiny new fandom, there will be a way to read that book or watch that show or movie right now. Possibly for free! Of course you can watch it! Why wouldn’t you be able to?

This was absolutely, absolutely not the case before. I’m currently in Marvel Comics fandom. If there is a comic I want to read, I can read it right now on the internet. I have subscribed to Marvel Unlimited and I can read pretty much every comic that is older than three months old; the newer ones cost extra money. But I can do it all from the comfort of my own home right now. I was also, actually, in Marvel Comics fandom in the nineties. If I wanted to read a comic, I had to go to a comic book store and hope they had it in stock; if they didn’t, I had to try another store. Not a lot of comics were available in trade paperback and they definitely weren’t readable on the internet. I used to read a lot of Gambit h/c fic set after Uncanny X-Men #350. I never found a copy of UXM #350. I still haven’t! But I did eventually read it on Unlimited.

Being in TV show fandoms also had similar challenges. Was the show you were watching still on the air? No? Then you’d better hope you could find it in reruns, or know someone who had tapes of it that they could copy for you, otherwise you weren’t watching that show. It was, I think, pretty common for people to be in fandoms for shows they hadn’t seen, because they had no way to see the show, but they loved all the fanfic. The Sentinel had a whole lot of fans like that, both because I think it took a while for it to end up in reruns and because overseas distribution was probably poor. So you’d get people who read the fic and wrote fic based on the other fic they’d read, which meant that you got massive, massive amounts of fanon appearing that people just assumed was in the show because it was a weirdly specific detail that appeared in someone’s fic once. Like “Jim and Blair’s apartment has a small water heater” (not actually canonical) or “Blair is a vegetarian” (there’s an episode where his mother visits and IIRC cooks him one of his favorite meals, which is beef tongue).

Like, I was in The Professionals fandom for years. I read all the fic. I hadn’t seen the show. As far as I know, it never aired in the US, and it certainly never had any kind of US VHS or DVD release. I’d seen a couple songvids. I eventually saw a couple episodes in maybe 2003, and that was because my dad special-ordered a commercial VHS tape from the UK and paid someone to convert it from PAL to NTSC. I didn’t get to see the whole show until several years later when I got a region-free DVD player someone in fandom sent me burned copies of the UK DVD releases and then I special-ordered the commercial release of the DVDs from the UK myself. But if I were a new fan and wanted to watch Pros right now? It is on YouTube! For free!

I think also one of the things about fandom that’s not immediately evident to new fans is the way in which it is permanent and/or impermanent. There are probably people whose first fannish experience is on Tumblr or who only read fanfic on FFN and who have no idea what they would do if either site, say, just shut down. But if you’ve been in fandom a while, you’ve been through, say, Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, Imzy, DW, JournalFen, LJ, GeoCities, IRC, mailing lists. And sure, if Tumblr closed, it would be inconvenient. But fandom would pack up and move somewhere else. You would find it again. It would, eventually, be okay. Similarly, if you’ve been in a lot of fandoms, if you’ve made a lot of friends, drifting through fandoms is like that. You’ll make a friend in 1998 because you were in the same fandom, and then you might go your own ways, and ten years later you might be in another fandom with them again! It happens.

But the flip side of that is that I think a lot of older fans have learned not to trust in the permanence of any particular site. If you like a story, you save it as soon as you read it. If you like a piece of art, you save it. If you like a vid, you save it. Because you don’t know when the site it’s on will be gone for good. I have, like, twenty years of lovingly-curated fanfic. And I feel like people who have only been in fandom since AO3 existed might not understand how much AO3 is a game-changer compared to what we had before. It’s a site where you can put your fic up and you don’t have to worry that the webhost is going out of business, or that the site might delete your work because they don’t allow gay fiction or explicit fiction or fiction written in second person or fiction for fandoms where the creator doesn’t like fanfiction, or whatever. Because all of those things have absolutely happened. But, I mean, I still save pretty much everything I like, even on AO3, just in case.

So, basically, yeah, fandom is a whole lot more accessible than it used to be. I think fandom is pretty much still fandom, but it’s a lot easier to get into, and that has made it way more open to people who wouldn’t have been able to be in fandom before. There is so, so much more now than there ever was before, and I think that’s great.

#Anonymous #replies

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cryonme · 3 years

Text

ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢ

➵ JJ Maybank x fem!reader

➵ summary: You get anxiety at night and JJ is unbelievably patient.

➵ word count: 643

➵ tw: anxiety, paranoia, mentions of alcohol & smoking, tears, fatigue. typos and mistakes guaranteed.

➵ a/n: Miz writes something under 1k words?! unheard of. double posting?! un-fucking-heard of. anyway, this is such a self indulgent thing bc the thing that’s happening to the reader in this fic has been happening to me and I haven't been able to find anything similar w JJ on here so I wrote one myself hahaha. just a short little sweet comfort blurb of jj being a really good boyfriend and me wishing I had a JJ so bad🤬🥺 anyway, enjoy.

┉ˏ͛ ༝̩̩̥͙ ⑅͚˚　　 ҉　　⑅͚˚ ͛༝̩̩̥͙ ˎ┉ 　 ҉ ┉ˏ͛ ༝̩̩̥͙ ⑅͚˚　　 ҉　　⑅͚˚ ͛༝̩̩̥͙ ˎ┉

“JJ.” You whispered in the darkness, wiping at your tired eyes, which were beginning to tear up from your lack of sleep and fatigue.

“Hmm.” JJ stirred for a moment in his sleep, acknowledging you but not fully.

“JJ, please.” You pleaded, wiping at your heavy eyes once again.

The blond groaned and sat up, scrunching his face in annoyance at whoever could possibly be waking him up from his beloved slumber. His eyes softened when he saw it was you.

And his heart ached when he saw you wiping tears.

“Baby?” He questioned, reaching out his arms for you to crawl into as he leaned against the headboard. “What happened?”

“I’m so tired.” You croaked, curling further into JJ’s arms, wanting so badly to close your eyes and go to sleep but anxiety took over anytime you blinked longer than a second.

JJ frowned and tightened his grip on you. “Is it happening again?”

Yeah, again. The raging anxiety that took over your body every time you closed your eyes to fall asleep. The fear that someone was watching you from a window or the worry that your phone would light up with a text of the news of a lost loved one, nothing was off limits. And it was all terrifying. This started a long time ago, back when you and JJ were just friends, and you confided in him about it over a shared joint by the water. He told you to text him anytime, and that he was serious. But, of course, you never did, until you started dating.

It didn’t happen every night, it was more like phases. Maybe, 3 or 4 nights in a row every month, almost like getting your period. Although, you’d honestly rather have your period twice a month over this.

You only nodded as JJ cooed at your response, bringing his thumb up to wipe a tear from your cheek, planting soft kisses on your face.

“My poor girl.” He frowned again, running his thumb over the bags under your eyes. “I’m right here, okay? Won’t let anything happen to you, baby.” His eyelids were getting heavy, but he wouldn’t dare fall asleep before you did, because you’d just be scared and alone all over again.

“Did you have fun last night?” JJ hummed, subtly rocking you back and forth, trying to lull you to sleep.

You nodded in response, smiling softly thinking about it. It was the pogue’s first time meeting Sarah Cameron, John B’s new beau, and you, her and Kie bonded so much over a bottle of tequila and a couple cheap cigarettes, you decided the three of you should have a sleepover on the patio, which quickly became a bad idea when you were a little bit too aware of the fact that you were sleeping outside.

“Tell me about it.” JJ said.

You began to tell him what the three of you had talked about, and how excited you were to have another girl friend, and how she shares the same love of Harry Styles as you do, and JJ just smiled and nodded along, leaving in his own commentary every now and then. Soon enough your words just turned to gentle hums in response and your body relaxed in his arms, finally falling asleep at 5 AM.

JJ sighed and readjusted so you were laying on your side, your face buried into his neck, and his chin resting on top of your head, his arms not loosening their grip on you as he finally let his eyes shut. He would definitely be catching up on his sleep all day tomorrow, but he didn’t mind. As long as you were comfortably sleeping, that’s all that really mattered.

“Goodnight, sweet thing.” He whispered, his lips ghosting over the top of your head before he finally let sleep overtake him.

taglist- not tagging right now since this is just an extremely rushed blurb I wrote in like 20 minutes at midnight lol and im lazy rn im so sorry hahahaha

#jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank blurbs #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank #jj outer banks #outer banks blurb #outer banks imagine #Outer Banks #outer banks one shot #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you

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lebenspurpur · 3 years

Note

hi! i’m not sure if you’ve already done this or if it’d make you uncomfortable, but could i please possibly request the slashers with their s/o on their period? like how they’d act about it or what they’d do for their s/o? annnnnd maybe some nsfw if you’re okay with it? thank you so much, make sure you’re not overworking yourself and you’re taking care! ❤️

Thank you! You take care as well, get some water, a snack, grab a blanket and enjoy :)

Slashers with their s/o on their period:

Warnings: undetailed NSFW, blood duh, not proofread oof (my god I never do, do I?)

Michael Myers

SFW

Michael doesn't give a shit. This is your problem, not his.

If you're really in pain during that time of the month, he'll get more aware.

He surprisingly doesn't want you to feel pain, doesn't matter because of what.

Now he wants to stop the pain but he doesn't know how. You have to initiate any kind of physical contact.

After you show him how he might heat up a hot water bottle every now and then and worldlessly place it on your stomach.

If he's feeling soft, he'll place his big, warm hands on your belly when he hugs from behind.

He really tries to make you feel better though if you don't feel any pain, he doesn't see any reason to.

NSFW

Michael adores period sex. It adds to his natural desire for blood. In a way, it gets him hornier than normal sex.

He's probably the most unafraid slasher too. Michael loves your blood, no matter where it comes from.

Michael's pretty dangerous when it comes to sex though, so if you're in pain tell him, because he won't stop while you're at it.

He loves to go down on you. That might be disgusting to some, but to him, the taste of your blood mixed with your juices is the best thing on earth. And imagine him glancing up to you, eyes heavily lidded and chin covered in the red substance.

Vincent Sinclair

SFW

Vincent is the absolute sweetest when it comes to your special time of the month.

He knows exactly when it is since he wrote it in his calendar and on the day you start, he'll have pads or tampons ready for you.

Vincent gets Lester to go buy you snacks and he forces Bo to stop being annoying. At the end that's useless anyway, because the second Bo hears the words period, he's gone.

Vince knows how much your hormones can fuck up your emotions so he's always there to provide comfort. If you snap at him, he might feel a bit thrown off but he'll forgive you.

Need a hug? Just tell him. Vincent will be even more tender than he usually is, so careful as not to hurt you.

NSFW

Vincent isn't disgusted by period blood but he's concerned.

That being said he's skeptical about period sex because he doesn't want to cause even more pain than you're already in.

However, he doesn't say no to fingering or going down on you.

He's fine with only giving and not receiving pleasure for the time of your period. Though he'll be relieved when you offer to repay him.

If you insist on real sex, he'll do it for you but he's so much more tender and sweet and careful. Your pleasure is the only thing important to him, especially on your period.

Bo Sinclair

SFW

I am sorry but Bo flees the second he hears period.

When he thinks about it, the only things he remembers are mood swings, no sex, and blood.

Yeah, he's not the most considerate.

It takes a while to make him stay and help you through this time. Maybe after a few years of an ongoing relationship, he'll be willing to try.

The only thing he will do if you ask him to is a message.

NSFW

Bo is absolutely against sex during your period. He finds it absolutely disgusting.

However, Bo is horny and he has a high sex drive.

At the end of it, he might fuck you. After all, the blood usually eases up during the end and the other symptoms do so as well.

Sex while you're actively bleeding though? Never.

Lester Sinclair

SFW

Lester doesn't know a whole lot about periods. His mom died before she could teach him and, unlike his brother Vincent, he doesn't know anything about the human anatomy.

However, that doesn't mean he won't try to help you.

He gets advice from Bo, which he proceeds to ignore because Bo just tells him to leave. Vincent however gives him a clear explanation of how your body works and so he figures out how to help you.

Lester will make sure you're warm, with wrapped blankets around you and hot water bottles on your tummy.

Snacks will always be available and Lester will even feed you if you ask him.

Cuddles are a must. He'll gladly wrap his arms around you, Jonesy lying next to you, cuddled up next to your bodies.

NSFW

At first, he doesn't even understand that things could be different during your period.

Then it hits him that the pain might make it uncomfortable for you.

Lester is totally down to have sex as long as you're fine with it.

If not, he'll be happy to pleasure himself for the time of your period.

Baby Firefly

SFW

Baby knows how shit periods can be. She'll be so understanding and considerate, trying to be the best girlfriend she can be.

Whatever it is you wish, Baby will get it for you.

As a reward, she demands the same though.

If she's on her period, she wants you to show the same consideration she showed you.

If Otis is annoying you, she'll also gladly get him to shut up.

NSFW

Baby doesn't have a problem with period sex, after all, she has quite the experience with blood.

However, she knows how difficult it can be to be horny and in pain during your period.

She'll gladly not receive any pleasure and only go down on you if it makes you feel good.

Otis Driftwood

SFW

He doesn't know shit about periods.

Whenever Baby had her time of the month, he kind of just.. didn't care.

I can see him get high and then have a breakdown because he doesn't know why you're bleeding or how to stop it.

Even if you explain it to him, he won't get it.

He'll give you gifts because he's unsure of what else to do.

NSFW

He... has way too much experience with kinky things to be disgusted by period sex.

As I said, if he's high, the blood could trigger a panic attack.

He won't do oral though, that's not his thing.

Otis doesn't care if you feel pain, he's a sadist. Unless it's really bad, he doesn't even acknowledge it.

Billy Loomis

SFW

He doesn't know a lot about it, but he tries his best.

If you need help in any way, he'll be there for you.

Billy will whine if you make him buy pads. He'll do so anyway because he's a simp.

His advice comes from his male friends, so he'll do the classics, buy chocolates and flowers, and provide many cuddles.

If you snap at him, he'll sulk for a bit.

NSFW

He immediately thought period meant no sex. You'll have to initiate it if you're interested.

He'll push you away at first, confusedly asking about your period.

Billy isn't the biggest fan of period sex. He just doesn't quite like the idea.

His sex drive is too high to say no, so he'll fuck you anyway but he prefers it when you're not bleeding.

Stu Macher

SFW

He will be pretty clingy, trying to be the sweet boyfriend™.

He might forget about your pain over how much of a great boyfriend he is.

Stu will come back to reality when you snap at him and then he suddenly understands that periods aren't cute and wholesome at all.

He learns from that experience.

He's kind of scared now, you just don't know if it's because you're in pain or because you could snap at him again.

Stu is still supportive, he's just way more distant during that time than he used to.

NSFW

Stu also didn't even think about sex during your period.

The first time he gets horny during your period it suddenly hits him. He can't just go and ask you, can he?

It'll take him a while to openly talk about the subject.

He isn't really disgusted by your blood, he just never considered it?!

Stu prefers normal sex over period sex, that way he has less to think about.

Brahms Heelshire

SFW

His mom never told him anything about periods.

He didn't even know they exist.

The first time he sees you bleed he nearly faints from worry.

Brahms needs a lot of explaining to fully understand why your body acts the way it does.

After that, he'll be very timid but supportive with his help.

Cuddles are a daily activity anyway but now he'll be more careful, tenderly caressing your tummy as he snuggles against your skin.

He might even do a few of the chores.

Pro tip: If you act like you're actually dying from how painful it is, he'll be way more compliant.

NSFW

Sex is one of the first things he worries about, how could it not be.

He's kind of shy about the whole topic so the subject will only come up when he's super horny.

Brahms won't fuck you during this time, he'd probably forget about the blood and then panic when he spots it on his dick.

Oral is a must since Brahms' sex drive is extremely high.

In the beginning, he's against giving oral, but he's too aroused to care anymore after a while.

Thomas Hewitt

SFW

Being the queen she is, Luda already taught him a whole lot about female anatomy and periods.

The second he notices your bleeding, he's fully committed to showing all his support.

Thomas is there for you, doesn't matter what you need.

He's tough Y/N, neither your high emotionality nor blood can hurt him.

Tommy is so tender and caring, even more than he usually is.

He is the best slasher out there to care for you during your period.

NSFW

It takes him a lot of convincing to get him to have sex with you during your period.

He's not disgusted, after all, he's been through worse. He just doesn't want you to be in pain.

You need to get him really, really riled up to get him to give in to his urges instead of ignoring them.

His sexual urges feel like a burden to him, especially during your period.

He needs a lot of time and love to understand that it's just natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

Josef

SFW

Uh oh.

Feminist Josef™ shows up.

All women are queens and for the time being, he's going to treat you like one.

Home-cooked meals, warm hugs and he'll even wash your hair!

Josef is also really interested in the anatomy of your body and why and how this whole process happens.

I can see him staring at a tampon with a child-like curiosity in his eyes.

"It just... gets bigger when it's inside?! Wow..."

NSFW

He isn't concerned about sex, his sex drive is pretty low.

If you really want it, he's going to give in but he'll be extra careful.

Josef isn't disgusted by blood, he's mature enough to see it as a normal fluid your body produces.

It kind of boosts his ego, that you want him even during this time of the month.

Amanda Young

SFW

Naw, Y/N, she understands immediately.

She's a pretty busy woman but whenever she has time, her support and help are yours.

Sometimes she'll drop little gifts at your door while you're sleeping, having just come home from work.

If she has time, she'll be unnaturally clingy, cuddling up to you way more than usual.

Her temper does clash with your emotionality sometimes but she'll calm down quickly and apologize.

NSFW

She's fine with no sexual contact for the time of your period.

Amanda is not disgusted by period blood, she just knows how uncomfortable your period can get.

Some soft sex is always in if you want it as well.

She won't do very rough or kinky stuff during this time, you deserve to feel loved, supported, and comfortable.

#vincent sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x reader #baby firefly x reader #otis driftwood x reader #billy loomis x reader #stu macher x reader #brahms heelshire x reader #thomas hewitt x reader #josef x reader #amanda young x reader #slashers x reader #slasher headcannons

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loversindevildom · 3 years

Note

hello! I'm not that anon but thank you for the other period-related hcs, if it's okay, may I ask for the brothers' reactions to an MC who doesn't have painful ones, but bleeds A Lot and is terrified of getting communal/the brothers' stuff dirty? people with monster uteruses unite

((Definitely!! Currently on my period while writing this and felt it-

((Also would you look at that, the me is posting again-

Masterlist

The boys x MC with heavy flow

Lucifer

It all began when one of your worst nightmares came true.

You woke up early in the morning having bled all over his sheets.

You were panicking. Badly.

Lucifer was still sound asleep on his side of the bed, having noticed nothing.

Without thinking, you immediately get out of bed and go fast towards the wardrobe to grab some sheets.

You had no idea how you were going to change them without waking Lucifer up but one step at a time.

But he was already awake as soon as he felt you get off the bed. "MC?" He mumbled your name quietly before opening his eyes.

You wished a hole could open underneath your feet and the earth would swallow you. You also happened to be wearing white pijamas and so the blood was obvious all over you.

Lucifer had just woken up and was not thinking straight so his first thought was that someone attacked you or that another demon attempted to eat you and immediately rushed to you and pulled you in his arms. "Who?"

"what?"

"Who hurt you?"

"no one... I'm so sorry!!" You cried in dispair and that's when Lucifer started understanding what was going on.

"It's your menstruation? I thought someone attacked you... It's alright. I'll go fill in the bath for you."

Thankfully you changed the sheets before he realized you got them dirty.

Or so you thought. In reality he had noticed but didn't want to embarass you.

Mammon

He knew you were on your period.

You had told him the moment it came.

But it didn't matter to him much. He didn't know many things about it, only that you're in pain.

"Hey, come on, sit with me." He patted the couch beside him in his room.

He knew you were hurting and he wanted to cuddle you and watch some movies with you and spoil you with chocolate he stole from Beel.

When you shook your head in return, his heart shattered. "I'm not really in that mood."

"B-But! It's your favourite!"

"I'll just go to sleep."

"We can sleep together here."

You sighed and he felt the world twist. You didn't want him anymore? That's it? It was over?

"What did I do?"

"nothing! I just don't want to get blood all over your couch!"

"Ohh..." He felt relieved. That was all. Truth be told, this couch was pretty expensive but you were worth ten times that couch...

"Don't you wear that pad thing you talked about?" After you nodded he added. "Then it's fine. Get your stupid pretty human ass here now. You don't wanna miss the beginning."

Leviathan

He wanted you two to cosplay today.

You had been planning to go to that convention for months.

The day had arrived and he had excitedly changed into his costume only for you to come out and say you're not going.

And he's ???? So confused ????

He thought you wanted this as much as he did.

Did you fake your interest?

"look, Levi, I'm sorry. I was really looking forward to the con but I got my period today."

Ohhhhhhh it was because of that thing. That was a relief.

"it's fine! The con is a week long, we'll go by the end of it. And we can wear the costumes inside and cuddle!"

The idea horrified you.

"NO!" The costumes were amazing and Levi had paid of them. You couldn't ruin it.

"why?" He was confused again.

"I'll get blood all over it. I always get things dirty. You should keep me away from your stuff." After all you knew how much he valued his merch.

Leviathan rolled his eyes and walked over to you. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you down with him. He wrapped a TSL blanket over you and proceeded to play games with you all night.

After all, you were more valuable than all these together.

Satan

You two had visited Devildom's public library to get a book he had ordered for you.

He had seen how fascinated you were as soon as you heard it came out and immediately ordered it for you.

You were looking around the shelves with him while the staff was going to bring you your book when you felt an intense pain on your lower parts.

Looking down you realized blood was leaking everywhere.

Panicking, not sure what to do you hid behind a bookshelf.

Satan panicked as soon as he realized you were gone.

What if another demon had fetched you and eaten you?

"MC?" He called out your name. Once, twice, thrice...

"Here..." You said in embarrassement. You had the idea of using a jacket to cover the mess in your pants. But you had accidentally grabbed his...

When he finds you he was relieved. "There you are, I was worried..." Then he scanned you. "My jacket looks good on you."

You weren't sure how to tell him, so you continued and went all the day back to the house of Lamentation when you immediately put it in the washing machine.

Of course, he had noticed. You had been dripping on the floor.

But being aware this was a normal thing, he decided not to embarass you and make a big deal out of it.

Asmodeus

You were screwed.

You were seriously screwed and not in the good way.

This had been a lesson to you to always keep in mind when your period was coming.

Because the one time you had forgotten, you had wore Asmo's clothes to sleep.

He told you you could use them whenever you wanted.

It made him very happy to see you wearing his clothes and it made you feel very comfortable so why not?

This was the reason not to.

Because waking up that morning, you had gotten blood all over his clothes.

"Shit."

Your exclaim and panic woke him up, but he was too focused on your face to notice the blood at first.

"What happened, my love? Are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry, Asmo!!"

It took him a few seconds but then he realized exactly what you were talking about. He took a deep breath. This was a disaster, but you didn't do it on purpose.

"It's fine. It's your time of the month? Come on we should get you changed. Wanna run a bath together? I can give you a massage too." He winked as he got up to get the water running. He prefered to focus on you than his ruined clothing.

And this, my friends, is called love.

Beelzebub

You were always careful when it was your time of the month not to get anything dirty. Always.

However, the unfortunate day had arrived.

You were in his bed, playing on your DDD while Beel was picking up some food from the kitchen.

And then it happened. The major pain. And you realized you had been bleeding all over his sheets. You should change them before Beel-

Speak of the devil....

Beel walked in happily and let the food down on the tray next to the bed. As he leaned down to put them there he noticed the blood and frowned.

You were scared you had disgusted him.

"are you hurting too badly? I'll bring you some medicine."

Cause he's that sweet.

Diavolo

Yes I will say this every single time I write about this one;

He's busy.

So even if you do get blood in his stuff you'll certainly have time to clean it.

However, fate isn't very nice...

When Diavolo is in his study, he likes to work with you sitting on his lap.

When you felt the sharp pain in your stomach you immediately jumped off his lap and fell on the floor.

"MC? What happened!? Are you okay?" He asked worrily.

You didn't answer him, instead you run towards the bathroom.

Yes, you didn't get anything on him but it was big a jumpscare itself.

Diavolo knocked on your door once. "Dear? What happened?"

"nothing! It's fine, my period just came!"

He was silent for a bit. You thought he left but as soon as you opened the door he was standing right there and he hugged you. "I see... Come on, let's go back. I promise we'll cuddle when Im done."

"I'll get blood all over you!" You argued back.

In response he picked you up and walked back to his chair where he made you sit on him again.

Simeon

Simeon is such a sweetheart.

He probably has already noted your circle on his calendar.

He remembers when it's that time of the month always.

Usually, so do you.

Usually.

You had miscalculated this time. You thought it was due for next week and so you had wore a nice white dress for your date with Simeon.

He wasn't sure what to say. He thought you looked gorgeous in that one but...

"Sweetheart, are you sure? I love the way the dress looks at you but I don't want you to feel bad if it gets dirty."

You were so confused. "What?"

"You said you avoid wearing white when it's that time of the month... Unless you're late? Oh my lord, are you late?" His eyes were shining and that's when you realized what he meant.

"shit! No I am not! Wait here!" You rushed back into your room to get changed and indeed found blood between your legs.

You couldn't find yourself feeling bad tho.

All you could thinking about was the way Simeon's eyes had shined at the thought of being a father.

Solomon

As a human like yourself, he treats it much more normal than the others do.

He doesn't treat you any different then really, unless you're in pain.

Then you're getting backrubs.

You were sitting on the couch with him and he was telling you a story about how he first formed a pact.

When he was finished you felt the need to go to the bathroom.

Then you noticed the red stain in your pants.

Shit that was a lot of blood. Had you gotten it on the chair too?

Thankfully, when you returned it was gone.

And thankfully, Solomon knew magic to clean it quicker.

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nctsworld · 3 years

Text

skateboard love

✩‌ yangyang x reader | skater boy!yangyang | college au | fluff | 2.2k

SUMMARY | yangyang tries to get you to skateboard for the first time and in doing so, you’re taken back to when you first met him. // for @notnctu’s beginning collab! WARNINGS | slight injury (reader trips over a curb), one swear word, kissing RATING | teen+ TAGLIST | @infnteen

“I can’t do this,” you mutter, shaking your head in defeat.

The ocean waves clamour nearby as you stare down at the skateboard and concrete pavement beneath your sneakers in frustration.

The weight of your helmet and the wrist guards are blatant in your every movement. Sure, it’s a little embarrassing at your age, but it’d be best to rather be safe than sorry.

Thankfully, they’ve been coming in handy during the times you almost fell and slipped off of your boyfriend’s skateboard. It may have been his idea to try to learn, but you weren’t opposed to it, thinking it’d be easy.

They say things are easier said than done, and now you’re forced to admit skateboarding definitely falls under that list.

“Yes, you can,” Yangyang softly says. Beside you, he gives your hand a gentle squeeze, causing you to peer into his gleaming eyes and bright smile.

Despite the recentness of your relationship, your boyfriend’s patience and encouragement feels like routine, like he’s been by your side for your entire life. His words don’t fall on deaf ears; you parrot his smile and muster a small nod, albeit glancing away shyly.

“Just think about all the times you’ve watched me skate past the library and copy what I did.”

Petulantly, you stick your tongue out. “It wasn’t that often.”

Disbelief reflects back at you in the form of an eyebrow raise.

“Really?”

“Really!”

Around mid-September, in the most modern, glass-structured library on campus, you found a studying area that was perfect for you.

Main floor, nearby the entrance doors for an easy exit when class was about to roll around. A high stool chair that was cushioned comfortably for endless hours of equal parts studying and procrastination. Plugs and desk space galore.

Above all, it was perfect because you had the picturesque view of the boy who always skated every other day around 11:50am towards his next class across the wide stoned boulevard in front of the library.

You noticed him the first few times when you initially sat upstairs. Even from afar and above, your interest was piqued over how coolly he skated past all the students. There were only so many students who biked to their next class, and even less who skateboarded.

And after you decided to sit downstairs for once to finally steal a closer glimpse of him, you were completely smitten upon capturing his handsome features.

Thus, your heart constantly raced in anticipation when 11:50am hit, as students scattered all across campus during this transition period.

With a thumb tucked in his pocket and headphones over his ears to boot, the mystery skater boy often slid past around 11:55am, making your mind wonder where his former class was and where he was going. Was he in Engineering? Arts? Business?

The latter option didn’t seem likely since his style didn’t echo the stereotypical look of the faculty. Dark coloured hoodies and sweaters, bomber jackets, and skinny jeans were his usual choice of fashion, alongside the occasional baseball cap. And on the days he wore his cap backwards, he was truly in his skater element.

No matter, you always swooned with your chin perched atop your fist or resting inside your palm as he passed by. The brief sighting of him easily became the highlight of your day.

You would be lying if you said you didn’t try to look for him in your classes, but to no avail. You had to live with the fact that you’d only get to know him in passing as he skated on by the library.

When the mere hoodies and sweaters were exchanged for heavier, thicker jackets and coats, he still continued to traverse across campus via his unsurprising mode of transportation. You especially admired his dedication on the days filled with rain and wind, wishing there was some way for you to ease his trips to his next class.

All throughout the couple of months, he was consistent in attending that one class.

Except one day.

It was a Friday, about a week or two near finals season. The weather was quite chilly now, but snow wouldn’t be an issue until after winter break and well into the next semester, so there wasn’t any reason for him to not use his skateboard still.

Maybe he was sick at home, you thought. Pouting, you tried not to dwell over the stranger because that’s all what he was.

Someone you didn’t know, someone you only watched from afar. Someone that filled your daydreams, pondering what he’d be like and what’d you two could talk about... but nevertheless a stranger.

Oddly enough, about an hour past noon, someone dragged you out of your thoughts momentarily as they unusually sat nearby your spot.

The unspoken library etiquette was to sit as far away from others for more personal space, especially in the area where you frequented. You tried your best to ignore the shuffling of the person placing their laptop and books onto the elongated wall-length table, feigning laser-focus on your notes.

But a few moments later, you heard a whisper coming from their direction.

“Is this your favourite spot in the library?”

“Hm?” you hummed, dragging your headphones down to your shoulders as you swivelled towards the seated stranger. Air seized in your lungs and your eyebrows shot up.

The gorgeous skater boy glowed with rosy cheeks from the cold air outside, paired with his stunning smile. You realized this was the first time you’ve ever seen him smile—preciously, by the way, with his teeth on full display—and your heart stirred like crazy.

A beat stretched out. Your jaw hung in shock and you blinked blankly. Guess you solved the mystery as to where he was today.

He beamed more intensely at your awe struck and continued to whisper, “I always see you sitting here when I get to my next class.”

“Uhm,” your jaw snapped up, prior to your dry gulp. “What?”

“Yeah,” his deep chuckling tickled your ear. God, of course a smooth voice matched a face like that. “you stare out the window so cutely whenever I pass by the library.”

A record scratched, then you rewound the moment in your head. Not only did he knew you existed but...

Did he just called you cute?

Catching on with awareness over his own words, the skater boy pouted to one side. His cheek jutted out adorably and red seemed to crawl over them, progressing over to the tips of his ears too.

Light giggling from both parties filled the space, with you tucking your hair behind your ear and him tugging on the ends of his sweater paws.

“So, are you skipping class?” you asked, tilting your head curiously.

“Yeah,” he replied, gesturing towards his busy study set-up ahead of him. It was a similar scene to yours—notes layered and layered upon each other, a laptop which displayed more notes, and a few textbooks were open too. “When you need to skip a class to study for another class...”

You nodded sympathetically, pointing a finger to your organized mess to imply the same. “Finals season.”

He nodded as well in unity and you two exchanged another round of smiles.

“I’m Yangyang.”

With that, introductions were made and bits of information were shared. Your hunch was right—he was in Engineering, but he also had some elective labs that were being held in the Science side of campus. Made sense why he had to navigate across campus from one end to the other.

Before the conversation began to get carried away, he issued a small apology. “Sorry, I really shouldn’t be interrupting your studying. I’ll leave you be.”

Admittedly, it caught you off guard. You wanted to pipe up about how he wasn’t interrupting, that you wanted to dive into getting to know him more. You’ve seen him practically almost every day for the last couple of months and you didn’t want to let this chance slip through your fingers.

Yet, at the same time, you begrudgingly knew he was right. You had to study for your upcoming in-class final, so you held your thoughts back and unwillingly turned back to your responsibility at hand.

It was difficult to study with skater boy being in the same vicinity as you—practically an arm’s length away from you—but you eventually tampered down your jitters and honed your attention.

Hours passed. Neither of you really shifted much besides the casual stretching or the much needed break to the bathroom.

Darkness loomed in the winter sky and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed him writing, which he hadn’t done during the time he’d been there.

And then, after an ear-piercing slow rip of paper that echoed in the library, he slid that piece of paper in your direction with one simple question that ignited the spark for the beginning of you and him—

I know we just met, but do you want to go out sometime?

“’Cause if I recall...” Yangyang continues, breaking you away from your bout of reminiscing. He absentmindedly tucks away some loose strands of hair sticking out of your helmet. “You watched me at least since the beginning of last semester—”

“Nu-uh,” you cut in, lying in a childish tone.

“Yuh-huh,” he rebuttals.

Under the warm afternoon sunlight, you two begin to have a staring contest, squinting and playfully seething at one another. When your boyfriend squints harder with a ruffle of his nose, you follow suit. Eventually, you give in with a sigh.

“Okay, fine. Even if I did watch you a lot, it doesn’t mean I can just absorb your skateboarding skills through memory.”

Cockiness fades over his joking exterior as he flashes you a shit-eating grin. “It’s cause you were too busy focusing on my handsome face.”

Becoming second nature for you by now as he’s often like this, you roll your eyes and lightly punch him in the arm, but... he isn’t wrong.

And from your lack of an articulate response, Yangyang knows he’s right.

Sparing you from injuring your pride further, he swings the conversation back to what you were doing here in the first place.

A hand of his steadies you by the bottom of your back. “Balancing feels weird, I know, but you’ll get the hang of it. Let’s try again.”

Releasing a lengthy exhale, your head bounces fervently in hopes that false confidence and your boyfriend’s support can morph into a successful skateboard run.

The careful push he gives you is ample enough to have you ride down the street by yourself. Your body wavers side by side and you fear that you’ll teeter to a stop like all the other times, but somehow, your foot swipes across the pavement, carrying you further down the street.

It’s not fast by any means, but as you persistently execute it, you gain traction and see yourself finally riding without any issues.

“Yangyang, I got it. I got it!” you shriek as you quickly glance back towards him.

He radiates in response and gets lost in you, equally proud that you finally found your balance and basking in how stunning you look as you coast down the beach side street.

However, his trance breaks when he sees you’re about to hit the edge of a street curb.

“Babe, watch ou—”

The scene happens fast. You’re suddenly laying on a patchy part of the grass, with the skateboard by your feet. Yangyang bolts to you, hunching down as he daintily tugs you to sit upward.

“You okay?” he pants nervously.

At first, you nod without a thought since the helmet and wrist guards have saved you from any potential major injuries.

However, your boyfriend’s eyes widen when out of nowhere, you draw in air between clenched teeth. Your butt feels as if it’s on fire, since it was actually the body part that mostly broke your fall.

He suggests to sit here for a while to let the pain dissipate, reassuring you’ll be fine from his own past experiences.

As you rest awkwardly beside him on the grass, placing weight on your hip rather than your rear end, he aids you in ridding of your safety gear. Once they’re off, he kisses your hand tenderly.

“Maybe we should leave the skateboarding to me, for now,” he mumbles softly into your skin, leaving another kiss upon your hand.

You mope in agreement. “Maybe so...”

Caressed in his arms, you link eyes with him. Your eyes flutter to a close while he delicately eases you into him by the back of your neck.

The intense pressing of his lips against yours feels heavenly, almost entirely sedating your mild pain. He kisses you deeper, disregarding everyone and everything in proximity. You reciprocate it all back eagerly, cupping his cheek and gripping onto his strong frame as you do so.

Peeling away breathlessly, you tip your forehead against his. “Should we go back to the library and have me watch you longingly from our old spot?”

Yangyang hurriedly shakes his head.

“Nope. Never again,” he replies, his thumb stroking your cheek. “If you’re watching me skateboard, you’ll be doing it by my side from now on, beautiful.”

A chuckle trickles from you. You’re about to retort back, but your one and only skater boy diverts your train of thought, dragging you in for another long, blissful kiss.

#yangyang x reader #yangyang fluff #yangyang fanfic #yangyang imagines #nct fluff #nct imagines #nct fanfic #wayv fluff #wayv imagines #wayv fanfic #yn brainrot #beginningscollab

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