#but i know that in truth that’s just me and the period is intensifying it

[diabolicjoy]

god i have just. so much shame and regret and i’m 23 and time is always passing and i’ll be 24 25 26 27 with even more shame and regret it’s building up

#i spent the whole day asleep and now crying #and i have so much to do and i keep ignoring my responsibilities #when you start showing signs of depression at 13 and it never stops now what #it’s my period talking i’m aware that every beginning of every month i want to kill myself & #the rest of the month i’m trying to recover & failing #every thought i have during these weeks just haunts me #thanks pmdd #but i know that in truth that’s just me and the period is intensifying it #i can’t remember a time when i felt truly okay #during all these years #tw depression #tw sucidal ideation #je.txt

[cosmicmagicgirl]

Do you trust me? - Comfort/Hurt/Fluff - Luffy x F/Reader.

@littleblueeyedmoon request: Hi! I saw that your request are open, and i thought I’d give it a try. Could i request some comfort/hurt ending with fluff with an insecure reader about her value with Luffy?

First he found her on that island, and obviously protected her from the Cidre Guild's attacks. It wouldn't be enough to just fall in during Empress Hancock's bath, Luffy also had to be oblivious to all the woman's advances. Not that you could get too mad at him, his laid back and innocent personality is what won you over in the first place.

Loving Luffy is not hard, in fact, it is the easiest thing. It's like breathing, you just do it. He was the sun itself, which is slightly ironic since his ship is the Thousand Sunny, but it's the truth, Luffy was easy to love and warmed the heart of anyone who was in his presence. However, being in the presence of someone like that makes you question your own worth, not that this is your captain's fault, but it is because he was an amazing human being in every sense of the word, it is true when we say that everyone is capable of loving Luffy to some level. That included all kinds of people, especially women.

This intensified after the two years you were apart, you trained hard, but not being by Luffy's side when he lost Ace made you feel terrible, you didn't want to imagine the extent of his pain...

And it only got worse when you learned that during this whole process the famous Empress Boa Hancock was present, and had a crush on your captain. You wish you could have been there, hugged Luffy and dried all the tears that might have run down your face during the nightmares of every night, but you weren't. You just buried it in your chest and moved on knowing that Luffy wouldn't take any of it from you, it seemed such a petty thing to feel jealous of the Empress at that point, and it was his order even that you all get stronger and get back together again two years later.

Would you be something after that time? Not that you had labeled your relationship, but before it was obvious to everyone in the crew that you were together. Was it a normal relationship? Definitely not, because nothing with Luffy could be normal. However, you knew he was with you and you were happy, but now what?

When you met again you decided to keep deep down that little insecurity that had settled in your mind during the period when you were apart.

But it has been a bit hard for you...

Luffy was never one to flirt with anyone, so that was never something you would worry about. The problem is that he was too oblivious and too kind for his own good....

You wanted to have been happy that Luffy had found the invitation to the Pirate Festival, but the interaction with Hancock looped through your mind, so nothing the crew talked about made you feel excited. However, you knew how to fake it well, you were always good at hiding your feelings, you just didn't know how far you could mask your insecurities.

So when Luffy smiled and announced "Let's set sail, our destination is Delta Island" you put your best smile on your face and agreed.

Well, the Festival couldn't have been worse for you, I mean, you even tried to have fun with the girls and Chopper while shopping, but your mind was away. However, nothing is bad enough that it can't get worse, that's what you thought when you were thrown to the other side of Delta Island by Douglas Bullet when you tried to protect Usopp and the treasure that would be Luffy's. You fell straight into the sea, and blacked out.

You woke up with Nami calling you and putting pressure on your chest.

- Thank God you're awake! - she sighed with relief. - What a fright you gave me!

You got up quickly and let all the water out of your lungs.

- I'm sorry - you forced a smile. - Is everyone all right?

Nami smiled and handed you a towel.

- Yes, I mean... Luffy is still fighting that thing - she pointed to the other side of the island.

You got to your feet with some difficulty and tried to hand the towel back to Nami.

- I should get back? - you said.

- Look! It's Shichibukai Empress Boa Hancock! - you heard Bartolomeo shout.

Nami and you looked in her direction from a considerable distance.

- Listen up! No matter what I do, the whole world will be at my feet. Do you know why? - said the woman. - Because I'm too beautiful!

Nami rolled her eyes.

A Navy captain shouted some order, but received a nervous response from the Empress.

- Shut up! - she shouted. - Where is Luffy?

Your body tensed, and you gripped the towel in your hands tighter when you saw Hancock heading toward where Luffy was supposed to be fighting.

Nami looked back at you and grabbed your hand.

- Hey... are you okay? - she asked worriedly.

When your friend touched your hand you automatically made a mental note to hide your reactions better, so you blinked at her and gave her a big smile.

- Yes, thank you for saving me, Nami - you shook her hand back. - I'll help with the Navy ships.

She frowned.

- I thought you were going back to help Luffy.

You forced a laugh from your lips.

- I'd only be in the way, the Captain doesn't need my help. - you tried to soften your voice as much as possible. - I'm going now.

- Hey, wait! - Nami shouted, but to no avail.

You were already gone.

It was no surprise to you when they said that Luffy had destroyed the Eternal Pose for Laugh Tale, it was just his style to do that. Everyone went back to the ship, Usopp was still sleeping because of his injuries, but in the end everyone was safe and sound.

It was quite an adventure.

And just when you thought you could finally calm your mind since the events with Boa Hancock and the Cidre's Guild, you couldn't be more wrong. The Empress decided to sail her ship side by side with Sunny for a few days, that meant she would be by Luffy's side the whole time and her dear captain wouldn't do anything about it, of course he wouldn't, why would he? Were you really something? Did you compare in beauty and strength to the great Shichibukai? God, you were sure you didn't.

Having to see all the moments when she declared herself and showed her affection for your boyfriend, while he just smiled and continued to play with Usopp only dug an even deeper hole in your chest.

It was here that you realized that your mask was about to come off, and it would be awful to have someone ask about it, you felt like such an idiot for letting your feelings get the worst of you. But gosh, it was so painful to think that you would never be enough for him, it would be easier to just feel an emptiness inside - like you felt before you met Luffy.

Looking at your pictures together in your little notebook reminded you of when you first met the straw hat. Meeting Luffy was like spending years in the desert searching for water and finding an oasis, it was like receiving a warm, cozy lap after spending years in a snowstorm alone, and most of all it was hope. Thinking about losing Luffy to someone who would probably be much better than you only made the shame of yourself increase - you were pathetic.

So you did what you thought would be best, you isolated yourself. As long as the Empress remained, you would avoid leaving the room and take any task that would get you away from everyone. Your insecurities took over your mind, and the last thing you needed was for any of your companions to feel sorry for you or just try to comfort you. You loved them, but you couldn't handle it now?

That's what you thought at least.

You walked up to the crow's nest and spotted the one you were looking for - Zoro was sleeping as usual. You kicked his feet gently to wake him up.

He opened one of his eyes.

- I was awake, you know.

You rolled your eyes and laughed.

- I just wanted to make sure - you said as you crossed your arms. - You can go to sleep, I'll pick up your shift.

Zoro raised one eyebrow.

- Again? - he said, getting up.

- Yes -  you answered bluntly. - Don't you want to go to sleep?

This time the green-haired man crossed his arms.

- You've been taking all night shifts for three days now, and I ask you, don't you want to go to sleep?

You sat down with your back to him and stared at the Empress ship through the window.

- No, I'm fine -  you stretched and picked up the new book Robin had given you as a present at the Festival.

Zoro stared at you, and scratched the back of his neck.

- You want to talk-

You interrupted him.

- Good night, Zoro -  and began to read the book.

The swordsman sighed and walked away, leaving you in the company of silence and your newest book.

-Y/n! - called Luffy, smiling. - Come here!

You smiled and went toward Sunny's head, Luffy's favorite spot.

He stretched out his arms and wrapped them around your waist, and pulled you up.

- Luffy! - you exclaimed. - Careful, we might fall!

He laughed with a toothy grin.

- Shishishi - he hugged you tight. - I'll never let you fall, y/n! Don't you trust me?

You were surprised at his words, but then you smiled at him with all the affection your heart could muster.

- Of course I trust you, Captain. - you took his hand in yours. - The future King of Pirates would never let me fall!

And he smiled even wider as you watched the sunset.

You could already see the sun rising over the horizon, so you knew that Sanji would be waking up to prepare breakfast. Knowing this you dispelled the memories that hit you, went downstairs and straight to the kitchen to have your coffee before everyone else, and then stay in your room for the rest of the day.

As soon as you entered the kitchen Sanji welcomed you with a gentle smile.

- I see you've picked up the watch again -  he said, handing you a cup of tea. - May I ask how long you will be doing this, sweetie?

You smiled at your friend thanking him for the tea.

- How long will I be taking shifts? - you played dumb.

Sanji went back to the stove and had his back to you.

- He can be pretty stupid most of the time - you smiled. - But he's not stupid, you know...

You picked up one of the muffins he had put on the table.

- Thanks for breakfast, Sanji -  you finished drinking your tea and eating, and got up to put them in the sink since Sanji would never allow you to wash them.

And so you made your way to the girls' room.

Nami had probably already got up to take her shower, so she was not in the room, but Robin was.

- Picked up the watch again I suppose? - she said in her soft voice.

You put your things on the table, got into bed and covered yourself up.

- I wanted to read that book, so this is the best time - you replied. Robin agreed.

- Luffy asked about you all day yesterday - she reported. - But I told him you were asleep, because you spent the night on watch.

  Your body froze.

- Right... - you curled up even closer under the covers. - Thank you, Robin.

  Robin walked over to the table and picked up the book you were reading, you had read fewer pages than usual, she concluded by marking it.

- Perhaps you would like to know that the Empress will be leaving with her ship soon? - she stared at you, but you didn't move. - Perhaps tomorrow.

You sat up in bed.

- God, this is so ridiculous. - you rubbed your face. - It's so obvious to all of you, isn't it?

- Well, isolating yourself might not have been very subtle. - Nami's voice came, she had just entered the room.

- Maybe I'm just tired of being subtle - you muttered.

- It's about time, finally then! - she exploded.

Robin laughed.

You threw yourself back on the bed.

- You have to tell him. - Nami said.

You snorted.

- That's pretty obvious, Nami, thanks -  you said ironically. - It hadn't even crossed my mind.

- Apparently it didn't even cross your mind since you're avoiding him like a plague! - she said nervously. - Consequently driving us all away together.

You sighed.

- I know, I'm sorry...

- Just get rid of whatever's bothering you - Nami ordered. - You always keep everything to yourself, if you don't want to talk to Luffy about it yet, at least talk to us. We're your friends.

Robin agreed.

- I feel so stupid about this. - you admitted. - I hate feeling this way, it's frustrating - you started to feel your eyes sting. - I just don't feel that I'm worthless to Luffy, not as someone special...

- Like a girlfriend -  Nami concluded.

You agreed.

And it was a good few minutes of you pouring out your insecurities about how you felt compared to the famous Empress, and it didn't help that Luffy didn't seem to show any romantic feelings about you. Nami and Robin were kind enough to wipe away your tears and hug you to stifle the sobs that insisted on coming from your lips.

They stayed there until you fell asleep.

Nami looked at Robin and sighed in annoyance as they both left the room.

  - How long do you think she has been feeling like this? I mean, it's a long time if it's been on her mind since our separation.

Robin paused for a moment to think.

- If it came up because of the Empress, then yes, it is since our separation. I'm not surprised she's like this - they approached the kitchen. - It's a long time feeding these insecurities.

- It's understandable that she doesn't want to see them - said Nami.

- Who doesn't want to see who? - a voice behind them asked.

Nami and Robin were startled.

- Luffy!

The boy let out a laugh.

- So, what were you two talking about? - he turned his head to the side in confusion, his typical confused expression.

Nami stammered.

- I was talking about a new book I bought at the Festival - Robin answered. - It's a novel.

Luffy stared at them for a moment and then agreed indifferently.

- SANJI!!! FOOD!!! - shouted the captain.

Everyone was already in the kitchen, ready to attack the food Sanji had prepared.

However, as soon as Luffy went to take the cookies to his mouth, he stopped for a moment staring at all his companions as if looking for something.

- Where is y/n? - he asked confused.

Everyone was silent.

Luffy blinked a few times in confusion, then Sanji spoke.

- Our dear y/n-swan has already had breakfast - he brought the cigarette to his lips. - She was watching last night. 

Again silence reigned in the room.

- Again? - asked the captain. - Wasn't it Zoro's turn?

Everyone was surprised.

- She asked to take my place - said the swordsman, taking another piece of cake.

Luffy frowned and his face became serious.

- Is she having trouble sleeping? - asked Chopper. - She needs rest....

The poor reindeer seemed to be the only one besides her captain who didn't know what was going on.

- Y/n-san asked me yesterday to take my next shift - said Brook. - And my shift is tonight...

Luffy got up without even touching his food and went towards the kitchen door.

- Luffy! Wait! - called Nami. - She's tired, we let her sleep. Talk to her later, okay?

Luffy didn't stop and left.

Nami sighed tiredly, and Robin smiled.

- I hope they work things out - Usopp said with his mouth full. - No one can contain Luffy like y/n, he's been hard to keep up with these days.

- But with the Empress here, suuuper not cool! - Frank was sincere. - Poor y/n... our captain is very oblivious.

- Yo-ho-ho-ho - laughed Brook. - The Empress Boa Hancock didn't leave him alone for a second.

- That idiot! - Sanji whined with envy.

Luffy was determined to find you and find out why you were avoiding him, he could be very distracted at times, but it had been a while since he felt that you were becoming more and more distant from him. He was a straightforward guy with simple conclusions, so he just waited for you to talk to him about whatever was bothering you.

The thing is, you didn't do that, you just smiled back at him as you normally did, and that made him think that you were better. But he realized that he was a fool to think that, of course you were faking it, now what he wanted to know was why you did it. Did you no longer trust him? Did you not like him anymore?

Luffy was not an insecure boy, in fact, he was quite confident. That changed a little when he thought he had lost his crew and after Ace died. But he managed to turn it around and focus on coming back stronger to fulfill his dream and protect his crew - and protect you.

However, at this very moment a small spark of insecurity arose in your mind, could it be that you had grown tired of him? I mean, he knows that he is an energetic and difficult person to keep up with, but you always seemed to enjoy his antics. Why then would you show that you were okay, if in fact you were not.

He felt a little betrayed, as if everyone knew what you had - except him.  

As he crossed the deck to head toward his rooms, a voice called out to him.

- Luffy! My darling! - Boa Hancock and her passionate eyes came toward him. - Good morning! How are you?

Luffy ignored it and went on his way - he had too much on his mind to listen to the Empress at the moment.

Boa Hancock froze, she seemed to have been deeply hurt.

- Luffy? - she called out in confusion.

As he turned the knob to go to the bedroom hallway one of Hancock's sisters shouted.

- IT'S THE MARINE!!!

And a thud hit Sunny - they were firing cannonballs.

Everyone came out of the kitchen and took their posts.

Luffy was annoyed, he would have to talk to you later.

It was two Marine ships, the Marines cornered them and soldiers stormed Sunny's deck. The Empress' ship was dealing with one and the Straw Hats with the other.

You woke up when the ship rocked and you rolled out of bed.

- Oh, shit! - you rubbed your lower back in pain. - What the hell was that?

That's when you heard Nami scream.

- Fucking Marines!

You ran out without even putting on your shoes, and when you opened the door to the hallway you found chaos on the deck. You joined Nami's side, knocking out one of the sailors who was trying to attack her from behind.

- Looks like you woke up just in time -  she said, smiling.

Another thud hit the ship, and you almost lost your balance.

- We need to get out of the crossfire, Nami -  you said.

She agreed.

- Frank! - she shouted.

One of the Marines aimed at you from a distance and fired, and you managed to dodge it just in time to knock him off the ship.

You looked directly at the bullet now lodged in Sunny's wood and thought it strange. You reached up and took the bullet by the fingers and were startled.

Kairoseki

You turned quickly and ran to warn Nami, but she had already changed position, everyone was scattered and with the cannon noises it was impossible for anyone to hear you.

That's when you heard Luffy's scream, he was about to take down a dozen sailors, but he didn't see when the navy captain had a gun pointed at his back.

Time seemed to have stopped, your throat knotted and your heart seemed to have stopped for those seconds. You didn't think for a second, your body moved on its own and your legs ached from the force you exerted on them, but you had to - you had to get to him in time.

When the sound of the gunshot reverberated, you screamed.

- Luffy! - throwing yourself on him.

- Y/N! - he smiled, thinking that you were happy to see him, but his smile disappeared seconds after he realized what had happened. - What did you-

Zoro watched as Luffy braked as he looked at one of his hands, he immediately set about knocking down the man who had tried to shoot his captain.

Luffy saw red, her blood now trickling down his hands as he tried to cover the wound on her back.

- CHOPPER!!! - he shouted. - FAST!!!

Luffy's chest filled with a fear he hadn't experienced in two years. He was terrified, you weren't opening your eyes and your breathing seemed weaker and weaker.

It was all over as quickly as it started, the Marines beat a retreat and the Straw Hat crew ran to see what had happened. Chopper picked up your unconscious body and ran towards the infirmary - everyone was left waiting for what would happen next.

- Why would she do that? - whispered Usopp. - After all Luffy is bullet-proof...

Everyone was silent.

No one dared to speak to their captain at that moment, not even the Empress, he seemed as angry as he was desolate. It had been almost an hour since Chopper came in with you, and no news had arrived.

Until the door to the infirmary opened and a gloomy reindeer came out.

- She's out of danger now... - everyone's breath seemed to have caught, as everyone let out a sigh of relief. - But there is no prediction for when she will wake up...

- Was it that bad? - asked Robin.

Chopper's voice came out apprehensive.

- The bullet passed close to the heart, if it was only a few centimeters to the side... - he swallowed dryly. - I couldn't save her...

Everyone choked.

- Another thing - Chopper stretched out his paws and handed a piece of cloth to Usopp - It's made of Kairoseki...

The relatively thick bullet was there stained with his blood.

Luffy stood up and stroked the reindeer's head.

- Thank you, Chopper... - he went towards the infirmary. - But I need to see her now.

Chopper agreed.

You didn't know how much time had passed, the last thing you remembered was your captain's panicked face and his voice calling you from afar, he seemed so far away - how tragic.

You felt your whole body burn for a few moments, and everything seemed to hurt. You opened your eyes and saw the clear ceiling that appeared to be the one in Chopper's ward, you tried to sit up, but the pain stopped you. So you just turned your head to survey the place.  

Your breathing stopped when you saw Luffy's body sitting on the other side of the floor against the wall, he appeared to be asleep. You smiled with relief, he was okay after all.

Your sigh of relief was louder than intended, as Luffy's head rose from his sleep - he seemed surprised to see you awake.

- You're awake! - he smiled. - I'll go get Chopper.

A few days passed, and Luffy never left your side. Apparently the Empress had been on her way from the time you crawled into the infirmary until you woke up. You had slept for two days.

You were doing better, although Chopper insisted that you remain under observation. So, to distract yourself you began to read the book that Robin had given you, and Luffy listening intently - he insisted that you read it to him too.

- In exchange for your help, he said, I offer you something very valuable - you read aloud. - My freedom? asked the man. - You paused to watch the reaction of the young man next to you, he was involved in the story. - Freedom can be taken away from us, as you well know. I offer you my knowledge.

Luffy wrinkled his forehead and made a pout with his lips that you found adorable.

- They shouldn't have their freedom taken away - he complained.

You laughed.

- Well, I guess you're right. - You closed the book.

Luffy stared at you for a moment.

- I'm sorry - he whispered.

You looked confused.

- For what?

- For letting you get hurt -  his voice came out so low you couldn't tell it was Luffy speaking. - I thought...

You touched his hand gently and your thumb made affectionate circles in his palm.

- Hey... - you warned him. - There's no reason for you to apologize, you know. I'd do it again to protect you.  - A loving smile appeared on your lips. - After all, I love you...

This made Luffy's heart leap and he smiled.

- Do you love me...? - asked Luffy as if he had discovered something incredible. - Really?

You laughed at his reaction.

- Of course I do, you silly... - you put your hands on his face and stroked his cheeks. - Why so surprised?

Luffy leaned into the touch of your hands.

- You were avoiding me... - he said. - I thought you didn't like me anymore.

  His hand stopped and you widened your eyes, surprised this time.

Your heart ached, he looked so desolate when he spoke. After all that had happened you had forgotten your insecurities, they had been replaced by the physical pain and worry that Luffy was hurt.

But now, all that came back again, the anguish you felt. You knew you should have talked to him about it, now he was the one who thought you didn't feel the same way. God, what a mess.

- Everyone seemed to know what was wrong but me. - he said in frustration. - I was going to talk to you that morning, but the Marines came, and - His voice broke. - And I almost lost you…

- Luffy, I...

- Don't you trust me anymore? - his eyes looked pleading, and it hurt your heart to see him so distressed. - You didn't look happy...

- Of course I do! - you answered immediately. - Of course I trust you, Luffy. I just... - you sighed. - This is so embarrassing...

Luffy looked confused.

- Then why didn't you talk to me? - he asked.

- Because I was afraid... - you replied, but before he could think it was his you answered. - Afraid that I was right.

- Right? - he turned his head in confusion, he was annoyingly cute.

- Luffy... - your voice came out fearful. - Are you my boyfriend?

He made a confused face and then shook his shoulders.

- “Boyfriend" is a stupid word, I'm not your boyfriend -  he said. Your heart seemed to break, and then he continued. - What we are can't be labeled with words like that, even friends don't come close.

Your heart raced with anxiety.

- We are much, much more than that! - Luffy exclaimed. - You are going to be my pirate queen after all.

He smiled. Oh yes, he smiled, and may God have mercy on you, ‘cause that man was your sun. Your eyes filled with tears and you began to cry instantly.

Luffy became desperate.  

-Oi! why are you crying? - he tried to wipe the tears from his face. - Did I say something stupid?

You laughed.

- No, it's nothing like that.

Luffy snorted.

- Don't scare me like that, y/n! - he crossed his arms as if in a tantrum.

- Sorry, Luffy... - you laughed as you dried your tears. - It's just, I thought you didn't want me anymore.

Luffy changed his posture.

- Why would you think that? - he said seriously.

- I thought you liked Empress Boa Hancock... -  you admitted embarrassed. - I felt so weak and ugly compared to her. She's so beautiful and you always paid attention to her, and...

Luffy was silent.

- I wasn't there for you when you lost Ace - you cried again. - I wasn't strong enough on Delta Island and you didn't seem to be attracted to me anymore. I thought I wasn't enough, I never would be, you are amazing..., but she.... She is, and...

- Stop - Luffy's voice sounded more serious than usual, his gaze was fixed on you. - I think you're amazing, y/n! You wouldn't be my person, my future pirate queen, if I didn't! I would never change my mind about that, well only if you didn't want to be... - he rambled.

You were silent, your heart beating so fast.

- I love you! - Luffy shouted. - And you're strong as hell! And well... - he scratched the back of his neck. - I think you're so beautiful, and your smile... I love to see you smile.

Your eyes widened, Luffy had never complimented you like that, you were embarrassed, your cheeks were probably red.  

- I chose you, I don't want anyone else, and I decide that I will love you! Always! - he said determinedly.

Tears again streamed down your face, but this time they were tears of joy. You smiled and agreed with your beloved captain.

After Chopper gave you your pain medicine, you lay down to sleep, but not before asking Luffy to join you. Now here you were, with your head resting against the chest of the man who owned your heart. You lifted your head to look at his face, and then your eyes met, and he kissed your forehead and smiled kindly.

You snuggled back into his arms and in a clearly harmonious, almost predestined harmony, your hearts beat as one, you closed your eyes and laughed to yourself - we are all fools in love. Whatever your insecurities were, they vanished like dust in the air.  In that moment in Luffy's arms, all you felt was how loved you were.

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[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #15 – Vietnam: A New History by Christopher Goscha

This was my third history book of the year, and is about what you’d expect from the title and knowing it’s written by an academic historian – right down to the solid 100 pages of notes and citations at the end of it. I honestly picked it up because, well, because there was a tumblr post with a really intriguing quote from it floating around a few weeks back, and because I haven’t read any East/South-East Asian histories in a couple of years, and most of all because my library had a copy with no one ahead of me in the line for it.

The basic conceit of the book is that a great many English (and French) language histories that purport to be about Vietnam are in fact about the Vietnam War. That is, they are in truth about the years from 1945 to 1975, with the whole rest of history being either prelude or denouement, and, what’s worse, that they’re at least implicitly histories of Vietnam from the perspective of Americans. So it is trying to be a corrective, writing from the viewpoint of the Vietnamese and paying more attention to internal developments and contradictions than either Cold War grand strategy or the minutia of military operations. It...mostly succeeds?

The book’s very much...I want to say postcolonial, but honestly it’s been so long since I was in an actual seminar I’m probably butchering the term. Anyway, it is very suspicious of both colonial mythology and the sort of patriotic, anticolonial propaganda that a distorted version of is probably the median western anglophone’s only exposure to Vietnamese history. The book Fire in the Lake comes in for a lot of criticism, both in its own right and just as a synecdoche for the whole corpus of work that subordinated careful history or sociology with presenting Vietnamese history as one monolithic tale of glorious resistance to foreign imperialism – which, whatever its merits as political interventions in the America they were published in (then doing its level best to bomb the country into a corpse-strewn hellscape), simplify and exaggerate the actual history they’re telling to the point of deception.

Which really starts with the idea that there’s a singular, coherent Vietnam that has a history vanishing into the ancient past, let alone one always on the side of resistance and independence. The first several chapters of the book are devoted to Vietnam’s precolonial history, with a great deal of emphasis paid to the fact that its present borders are the result of a multi-generational imperial project of conquest, forced assimilation and mass settlement that was still active and ongoing as the French first moved in to colonize Cochinchina. This is complimented by an admittedly slightly tacked-on feeling section at the end of the main narrative that’s basically an explicit counterhistory, covering the same period of the rest of the book from the perspective of the Cham and the highland peoples who ultimately lost out to the Viet and Vietnamese state-making projects.

The book makes a whole organizing principle out of analogizing this Viet colonial project with first the Chinese (both Han and Ming) and later the French colonization of both the Viet and the whole region. It’s very interested in how they interacted with each other, as well – how post-Ming Viet rulers used Confucian/Han high culture to differentiate themselves from other SEAsian peoples and justify conquering them, how the French often continued and intensified campaigns of Viet settlement so as to have easily legible labor to exploit, how the romanized script introduced to make colonial administration easier became the medium of nationalist mass politics, that sort of thing.

The meat of the book is dedicated to the French colonial period and to a lesser extent the wars of independence, focused on the different national and colonial projects dedicated to developing or creating a ‘Vietnam’ or ‘Indochina’ or ‘Tonkin’ or what have you. Something it keeps returning to is that neither the French nor the Viet nor the various highland peoples ever had any singular, unified project they were all united behind – internal contradictions were often just as great as the conflicts between them.

Which, even if I didn’t know for a fact, I more or less took as a given regarding the colonized. But I really hadn’t realized how riven with contradictions and self-defeating the whole French colonial project was? There actually were fairly significant constituencies among the Vietnamese intelligentsia and bourgeoisie for the whole schema of colonial republicanism, for a liberal capitalist or social democratic state in some sort of wider French orbit. The French, in turn, used them or imprisoned them seemingly at random, and gave them basically nothing but words. The Catholic Church was better at indigenizing its hierarchy than the French Republic. They made the British in India look like reasonable honest brokers! (The end result of all this being, of course, that anyone who’d been willing to work with the French on anything but mercenary terms ended up marginal and delegitimized.)

The reasoning is pretty obvious (in that it mostly just boils down to ‘le racisme’), but it is kind of interesting how right up until the end the French colonial authorities were convinced Vietnam was a land of naturally conservative, traditionalist Confucian peasants, and that if they could just get a pliant Emperor to play the part and establish his ‘natural connection’ to the mandarinate and the peasantry the whole nation would be at peace. (Relatedly, Bo Dai’s whole biography reads like a parable).

Goscha’s natural sympathies are pretty clearly with what you might call the cultural intelligentsia, especially as the book moves through the war years. The members of the Literary Self Strengthening Movement, the writers of pacifist novels, poets and academics. The tragedy of inconvenient artists, whose perspective on the war was too bleak or mournful for either the Communists or the Nationalists and who ended up repressed regardless of which side of the partition they were on, gets a particular focus.

As does the similar fate of liberal democratic nationalists – the political tendencies Goscha pretty explicitly sympathizes with. He holds something of a grudge for how the Communist Party formed coalitions or alliances with these groups then systematically sidelined or violently suppressed them as soon as it was tactically convenient – but he’s also pretty clear-eyed that the French, Diem regime, and Americans did more or less the exact same thing as needed. The whole process is portrayed as a bit of a tragedy.

Despite the book’s professed intentions, the war years still eat up something like a third of its page count – but in its defence, those pages are far more interested in nation-building an cultural shifts than the specifics of military operations (with the two exceptions of Dien Bien Phu and the Tet Offensive, for obvious reasons). As far as high politics go, the book loses interest in the Nationalists almost entirely after the fall of Diem, which has the effect of portraying the American client governments that followed as hopeless and purely mercenary even compared to the plantation owners who collaborated with the French.

The sections covering post-reunification Vietnam are easily the book’s weakest, which is rather a shame. It’s essentially one long epilogue – the section on the Chinese invasion and the events preceding it was tantalizing and just crying out for more details (and I, uh, did not realize the degree to which the government just fell back on discourses of near-explicit racism and collective responsibility re: the large Chinese ethnic minority, especially in the south).

The rest of the book after that – there’s a passage I read at an impressionable age, about how every history book since the ‘90s has been obliged to end with a hopeful chapter about the connective power of the internet and the rising middle class and the irresistible spread of freedom and democracy, and how as time goes on more and more things happen but that future never seems to really get any closer. This is not a perspective I’d really generally endorse (certainly less so now than in peak End of History years), but it’s one that really comes to mind reading the book’s perspective on the years since the economic reforms and opening to global markets. Power and government policy are talked about in vague, general terms, and individual activists and civil society members are highlighted and lionized instead. The talk about how the communist party has functionally transitioned into a class-iniclusive formation legitimized by nationalism and consistent economic growth and how that growth might in time force it to liberalize sounds identical to how people talked about China in the 2000s.

(The tragic irony that, from 10,000 feet, the United States has everything it might have wanted out of Vietnam – strategic partner against China, enthusiastic participant in the mechanisms of global capitalism – and killed millions of people over a decade of warfare for functionally nothing is repeatedly remarked upon.)

Anyway, that disappointment aside, still a very interesting and informative book. Not one that really lives up to its promise, and its strongest chapters are specifically those focused on the more distant past – but even its weakest chapters still have at least some interesting anecdotes thrown in for colour. Potentially grading a bit generously because I’m comparing this to my last big 600 page history book in my head, but I don’t at all regret reading this one.

#book review #history #Vietnam: A New History #christopher goscha

[plotsjotsandespressoshot]

For those of you that know whats going on in my life, I had a big meeting with HR today about me resigning.  They asked me to write up what I told them.   I truly try not to bring this stuff home, to my friends and to my writing space but some of you know me well enough to see that I have been in a really bad place.  Here's why: 

Below is my first draft.

Good afternoon,

While I did not want to have to write this, I know that it is in the best interest of the company and for myself to out down in writing the reason for my resignation.  While I have spoken to HR and a select trusted coworkers about this, it is something that needs to be brought to formal attention.

The reasons for my leaving have nothing to do with the customers or even the work load.  While this is a hard job, I have indeed worked much harder with success in the past.  The reason for my leaving has more to do with the inappropriate behavior in the Customer Service department.  While this is something that happens from time to time, it has seemed to intensify in the past few months.

Being told not to talk to HR: While this was not said in those words, we were told to beware of HR and how useless certain people are.  This should have been the first time to get out considering a director should never discourage people from going to HR in any way.

Trans and Homophobic remarks made by the director: While many of these opinions are out there, they have no place in the work place.  I do not advertise my sexuality because it doesn’t matter but hearing hateful comments about Bisexual and Trans people is something that I unfortunately cannot work around. Comments like “I wouldn’t send my kids to day care cause you don’t know what they are teaching them.  They might be teaching her that she’s not really a girl” and that “Bi sexual people are just looking for an identity” don’t need to be said.

Talking about employees to other employees: I have been told “I can’t stand the sound of her voice” is not something that should not be being said to other employees.  There is also constant talk about how horrible past employees were even over a year after they have left.

Negativity about being here: It has become a near constant thing to hear about how certain people do not want to be here, cant wait to be out of here, can’t wait to retire and how horrible it is.  Then we are called into meetings about Morale and how to bring it up.  During this meeting I made a final statement that its not the worst place that I’ve worked, far from it.  This was met with being told how I didn’t know what I was talking about and I don’t even know how horrible it can be here.  How are we as employees supposed to have high morale when the director is telling us that this is the worse place we could work?

Violent Phrases: Maybe its just a turn of phrase to say “if she touches me again I’ll punch her in the face” but it is still not something that you want to hear.

Being told who I can and who I can’t talk to in the office:  Even on breaks.  When asked to help someone out of the department on the margins of her computer or how to highlight a snap shot, or even talking on a breaks.  In a meeting regarding my performance this was brought up and said that I was ‘whispering’.  This has only happened twice and as stated had nothing to do with gossip.  However when I defended myself I was told they didn’t believe me and thought that helping with their computer was just an excuse.  Meanwhile others go into offices for prolonged periods of time.  While this is understandable it is still a double standard.

Sexual comments made in the group chat:  This was given to Susan as a screenshot and truth be told, I have never been so close to walking out of a job.

Training issues/ Punishment: When I was trained, it was for a week and then I was sent back into the back while the trainer remained upfront.  I expressed multiple times that there was a gap in training and that I felt over whelmed.  When I did ask questions I was repeatedly told to just look at the notes.  While they are comprehensive, some of them were older and they were in a drive where I didn’t know where I was looking.  There were two specific influences where I was told how to do something and then found out that it was being done wrong and had to do days’ worth of work over again- while still trying to do my job to the best of my ability.  Then was constantly asked if it was done yet when there was no assistance and no help to do it, even though I expressed that it was not getting done because of the work load.  On top of that there were multiple days in a week that the lead trainer was out.  I was told when reprimanded for poor performance while being told that ‘trail by fire’ was just how it was done.  Mean while the person behind me was given months with the trainer, worksheets to fill out and assessments.  While this is fine and getting a footing on new training methods is completely understandable, being told that it is because of you is a completely inappropriate way to manage/ train new employees.

While so much of this can be solved with proper training and communication, the behavior is what I found extremely disturbing.  This is honestly terrifying as I really did really enjoy working with almost everyone here. More disturbing is the fact that everyone seems to know about it. While I wish that I could stay and work through these issues, unfortunately it is not my place and I’m not in the position to make any changes.  While I understand people stay and feel comfortable with each other for long periods of time here, it is still a work environment.  Regardless of any short comings I might have when it comes to Billing, no one should come to their place of business and have to hear these things on a daily basis.  While I understand that people like the concept of ‘work family’, Wendy is not my mother and Patrick is not my father (as stated in my progress meeting).  Employees are not children and do not deserve to be treated as such.

I truly hope that these issues can be resolved and believe that this can be a great environment.  

#all the tw #really #тнιs ιs α ℓεηs : work & hobbies

[incarnateirony]

*Shealyn's denialist retardation and avoidance intensifies, adds new vanity plates, tries to be retarded in Norse today, misses what she's reblogging again*

Shealyn, you've never done a real magic trick in your life, you just chased and abused and tried to destroy the Magi of the path you spewed heretical delusional octopus jibberish in the name of. It doesn't matter what pantheon you run to, but yes, I do have badass music taste, since you keep confusing me with Loki, and yes, even if it burns me out. I've made that incredibly fucking clear.

I love that this bitch just keeps trying to rotate her shit to find something, too. Hermes and the dance moves! Loki and the music list! Um. Anubis and the kitty kibble! All the godshadows and her Therapy Book! Anything but addressing the screaming lady in her head she confessed to on main! Today's distraction is ROCK MUSIC. Tomorrow... whiny reblogs begging the universe to think about her FEEEEEEEEEELINGS. On Sunday, if we turn a bunch of posts sideways without reading them, maybe she can find a way to validate-away with a half printed motivational poster what has her crying inside because she goddamn knows better. Her inner goddess is weeping but the monster of shadow born from her obstructing her own light is too obese on the chewed on foreskin of her ex to release its ego.

What is it gonna take for someone in her life to intervene and go, you know what, Shealyn. The octopus jibberish from the cited anime was never real. So your communication with him isn't legit. Which would explain why you don't know any of his doctrine stuff or axioms or whatever Aaron is talking about that the rest of the practicing world DOES know. Maybe we should listen to the psych worker and elder magi, and not to the god of death you think is telling you to feed the cats. Because I think he just jacked your playlist and blog again. You HAVE had an alarming escalation in required medication and self-harm habits that you've had to shave yourself bald over. Maybe there's a correlation here. And you know in hindsight, it IS pretty weird that you're up your ex's ass in social circles three years later, that should have pegged us as unhealthy behavior, sorry for contributing to that.

But no, that would require her, and them, to have been like. WRONG about something. If they scour tumblr hard enough they might find a post to interpret that makes their weird rapey bullshit okay.

No, y'all. She's schizoaffective and you've fed it until it became full blown stalker obsession x literally made a fucking cult to her ex husband and now you're ALL too motherfucking embarrassed to look at it.

Also yes, Shea. Very much the Best Comment. Thank you. Thee Crustdaddiest. You're still schizoaffective and still riding my astral dick. And now you fucked up and got Mark on it.

Avoiding the truth doesn't change it, it just prolongs how long I'm going to embarrass both of you while picking your brain to pieces.

Is being humiliated one of your fetishes too now? is it a kinky thing? maybe I'm just playing into your horny lying cultist hands by embarrassing you like this, is this another way you get off on me?

or are you so braindamaged you forgot we went over this being in the exact time period you fucked up and got Mark bound to me and you kept changing the color of my otherwise identical-across-entities prescription lenses on every different "character" or "god interpretation" you were doing for a hot minute there.

Because that's what people that Actually Talk To A Deity have to do. Interpret what they look like. Not "this is how I see him." This is how you interpret text you pretend talks to you at night. But you done fucked up and attached to me, and you know, we've been over this, you dumb broad.

But yes, Thee Daddiest. Technically they forgot the most important Thee. But I respect the effort. The -est suffix imports the essence of Thee enough, Thee Crustdaddy, or The Crustdaddiest. See, language is fun!

Lady... we're STILL doing this?

My bad that old avatar generator didn't have the exact nose bridge you'll try to bitch about as different. Just like you didn't notice the Pan with the spider after I started yelling HEY YOU LLOTH OF THE TENTH HOUSE ARACHNE WHO SHADOWS HER OWN ALTAR. "man I just got this vivid visual of the pan that looks weirdly like Aaron's icon going BOO, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!!" MAN IT WAS REAL RED WHEN I WENT THERE LAST NIGHT TO DEAL WITH MOON MOON "IDK THIS GUYS NAME BUT I'M PROUD OF HIM. IF HIS HAIR IS SHORTER, IS HE A DIFFERENT DUDE????" Me: LMAO ENJOY YUGIOH BRAINROT "we'll draw the guy on hieroglyphics... and paint him BLACK... even without giving him actual black features, we just keep changing the skin tone on the same dude's face and caling it a different guy. But this one has a side shave!! SEE, DIFFERENT GUY WE SWEAR." me, sitting there with my clippers shaving my head: you're literally all brain damaged.

I can ALMOST forgive Mark for missing the Ash in the Pyramidhead thing, because your lying ass intentionally will hide from him what that is and it does look different, but the others yall, it's outright embarrassing to watch, but I've been saving your fanart. Very useful actually.

fuck me running with a pitchfork. Like friggin... artistic blackface to try to dodge being called out on their shit. Changing hair length and hair dye color but still drawing the same motherfucker over and over again with the same general essence and the same glasses throughout, even in the egypt piece where they painted him dark but still gave him caucasian ass facial structure with the same fucking glasses same as "Loki" and "IDK his name but I'm proud of him" which conveniently match the facial shape of "Hermes", or "Rhys", or "Coyote", or whatever she's fucking waving around my bullshit under today pretending it isn't me and mine and my shit and my work face identity you know the fucking song by now. Hell Egyptian Dude direct transited the purple lips and other details from the icon I had on my blog for a month to reclaim my own motherfucking face from your theft. But I guess a haircut and blackfacing him changes everything. Fucking flaming candied jesus on a pogo stick, you guys.

Also sidebar but this is the funniest timing to me rn

No seriously, nobody finds it weird that while she runs further and further from the concept of Hermes beyond compulsively giving in to a few evocations I've forced out of her letting her think it was rebellion or whatever... now it's LOKI with the dance moves, and it's LOKI telling her to do her therapy. Because therapy and Workbooks and Playlists are all totes common Loki associations, and not just her trying to transplant her bullshit to escape to another language like that'll help.

Hey dumb dumb, Loki is just as easy to travel in the unconscious right now for the same reasons.

YEAH NO

NOTHING HILARIOUS GOING ON HERE.

[makrof]

Catch Up

How long has it been?

That long? Sure doesn´t seem that way... I feel so ashamed to even think about this. To feel that it´s been so long; to know that it´s been so long. Let me set the record straight... I think of you most days. For the past 14 years... and i hate it. I really hate it, and I cannot understand it even though i´ve tried endlessly. I don´t try to understand it anymore.

Let me set something else straight. No, I didn´t ¨forget¨ about your birthday. I deliberately chose not to write. Why? Because I didn´t think you wanted to, and honestly you haven´t exactly been... there. So I convinced myself not to. At all. Ever. I´m not blaming you, whatever... it´s ok. It´s been too long. It´s just confusing the way you don´t want me in your life, but at the same time you do. And I´m not so good at being confused, I´m very ¨it´s black or it´s white¨.

Let me set something else straight. I´m not ¨in love¨ with you. Take it with a grain of salt... I just want you in my life, because I don´t know how to ¨not¨ care about you. I really do care about you... I do want to be just friends. I think we can do it. Maybe. You once told me ¨we don´t connect that way¨ and maybe we don´t, I understand, and I agree it´s true. But we both have lives, and I much rather have you in my life as a friend, than not having you at all.

So let´s catch up.

Let me begin. There is something I need to place over the table before we even start... I´m no longer the person you used to know. I´m simply not. In essence? Yes probably. But even so more now than ever... If you want to know who I am today after all these years, just ... intensify my beliefs.

So here it goes.

One word: Autism.

I don´t have it, (or maybe I do... for all I know I´m weird AF.)

My son does though.

This was something that impacted my life more than you will ever know... it became who I am, the reason I breathe and the reason I almost didn´t make it out. I went through a dark DARK period in my life and I went though it ALONE (not voluntarily I assure you).

Nobody prepares you for this... but I can tell you one thing... It is TOUGH, it is DARK and it is SAD... but it is SO DAMN rewarding.

I don´t talk about it much, and I kind of don´t like to look back to that time; I´ve been to all kinds of therapists that... maybe helped a little... But at the onset, I kind of naturally diverted from the ¨emptiness¨of life and I fully devoted to my son. I no longer talk or hang out with the people I used to (they naturally left, and it was difficult), I no longer desire the same things in life, I no longer care about, well... anything really. I care about family, I care about love and essence, I care about truth, and I care about carrying my son out of this (I do believe that I can, and I know that I will). So basically... I´m devoted to this calling. I think I kind of lost myself through the years and I sort of resent this, but I don´t believe I have another option. I am fighting for my and my son´s happiness, and I am fighting HARD. I promised him. As you may know, I have another child that also needs me, so my life is mainly just trying to juggle with all of this.

So what have I been doing? Basically trying to avoid falling again into the abyss that depression is... I´ve been crying (or trying not to), traveling and reading; I´ve been driving back and forth to therapies (for years)... I´ve been spending ridiculous amounts of time by myself, I´ve been taking care of my mind and my body, I´ve been praying and building a healthy relationship with God, and I´ve been learning to love and accept the life that I was meant to have. A life that really, I chose... or maybe it chose me. Who knows.

It´s a different life you know... It´s a little lonely, but it´s kind of growing on me. It completely and absolutely changed me and humbled me, and maybe that was my calling in life... to evolve and experience INTENSE feelings of real and pure love.

So there you have it.

By the way... I miss you.

[bish-plz-haha]

Chapter 6

Ron placed his plate in the sink and looked over at his girlfriend. "What was that about, 'Mione?" Hermione looked over to him, eyes slightly hidden by curly hair.

"Well, I didn't exactly tell him the truth because that would only make it escalate quicker. Ron, that spell enhances feelings the longer its allowed to go on." Ron sent her a wide-eyed side-glance. "Not those kinds of feelings." She quipped. "But just feelings in general. Feelings that's already there. So, take them being the bickering children they always are and increase it ten fold. They're going to be impossible to be around." She told him. Ron only nodded in response and continued to rinse off the dishes.

"So what do we do?" Ron asked after a while of silence.

"Is there any way of you switching with him?" Ron shook his head. "Damn. Well, I'm sure that they'll be okay. I mean, the only way it could get worse between them is if it got to physical confrontation. And we both know how Harry is about that." She chuckled and kissed him on the cheek before saying goodnight and walking into their room.

Ron, however, was sat on the couch at 2 am, drilling over the information that his girlfriend had relayed to him. He knew she was right in not telling Harry about the long term effects. But nonetheless Ron felt his best friend should know at least something. So he made the decision to try and help his best friend as subtly as he could.

When lunch time on Monday rolled around, Ron stood from his desk of paperwork, slipped his robes off and made his way down the hall towards Harry's office. "Hey, you ready?" Ron asked as he slipped his head in through the cracked door but saw nothing. The room was empty. Ron closed the door softly and made his way towards the potions lab.

Ron walked towards the potions lab door, but stopped when he heard arguing.

"You're useless, Potter! How did you even make it past first year potions at Hogwarts?" Ron heard Malfoy say angrily. He expected Harry to have the same angry tone but his voice sounded light and held a hint of a smile when he responded.

"No idea. I guess I have to thank Hermione for it all." Harry laughed. Ron stared at the door in confusion for a second before deciding to cut the conversation short and walked in.

"What the hell are you doing here, Weasel?" Malfoy sneered. Ron ignored him and looked to Harry who was, surprisingly, behind the cauldron.

"Ready for lunch?" Ron asked. Harry nodded and looked into the cauldron then to Malfoy.

"Will you finish this up?" He asked. Malfoy looked relieved to be rid of the man for a while and nodded vigorously. Harry rolled his eyes, a small smile playing his lips, and placed the stirring rod down on the table. "Let's go!"

Lunch went by as normal though Hermione was finally able to join them. The awkwardness hadn't seemed to leave Harry or Hermione from the other night as they ate in silence, not daring to look at one another.

"So, what about that quidditch game last night, ey?" Ron chimed in, trying to defuse the tension but neither seemed to be paying attention. "Hermione gave me a lecture the other night on how complicated feelings can be." He said as he watched Harry. Harry's head popped up to look at him from across the table. He noticed Hermione mimicked the action right beside him as well. "Yeah. It's quite interesting how feelings towards something or someone are able to intensify and grow over a period of time. And if you're not careful, it may be with the wrong person- ow!" Hermione elbowed him in the side to silence him but he opened his mouth again to start talking before being interrupted by Harry.

"I mean, yeah. I guess it's cool how your brain can decide which person to like and dislike. But that's all I know." And the conversation was left at that. They moved on to a different topic to keep the conversation going until they were finished with their food and drink.

Ron, Hermione, and Harry walked out of the small cafe. Ron kissed his girlfriend goodbye after Harry hugged her and walked down to the alleyway. "I'll see you at home for dinner?" Ron asked her. She smiled and nodded at him before kissing him once more and walking in the opposite direction. Ron caught up with Harry and they apparated back to work.

"Do you want to come over for a drink later?" Harry asked. Ron thought for a second and then agreed. Harry smiled at him then turned to leave. "See ya at seven then!" He called over his shoulder and walked towards the elevator.

*

Harry walked into his office, gathering paperwork to fill out as he decided he'd go back down to the potions lab.

"Hey, Malfoy." Harry greeted as he walked in. Malfoy was hunched over a notebook, writing some things down before peering into the cauldron next to him.

Malfoy groaned. "What are you doing?" He sneered as Harry sat down on a stool.

"I have nothing better to do with my time than paperwork and I dont have a partner so, I thought it'd be nice to have some company." He explained. Malfoy rolled his eyes, mumbled something then sighed in defeat before going back to his work. Harry laid his things about a table before starting on some of the paperwork. Before long though, he was engrossed with interest at what the potioneer was doing. "What have you got there?" He questioned.

"An antidote to common poisons potion that's been sitting for two days." Malfoy explained.

"Why?" Harry questioned.

"I'm studying it. Trying to learn from it to make a better potion." He said as he wrote something in his notebook. A rack of test tubes sat beside him, all filled with liquids of varying colours and densities. Malfoy picked up a tube with a light green coloured liquid in it and poured a little into the cauldron. Steam started to rise from the cauldron and Harry heard what sounded like bubbles popping. Malfoy hummed to himself and wrote something into his notebook again.

Harry walked over to the table and leaned against it, arms crossed supporting his weight. He peered into the cauldron as Malfoy poured some dark blue liquid into it and watched the reaction the potion was having. The blue liquid seemed to stop the bubbling but there was almost like a frost forming on the top of it. "I've never been good at potions or anything but this is interesting." Malfoy hummed at the statement, not really paying much attention to the golden boy as he picked up a tube that held a lava pink coloured liquid. "D'ya wanna go get tea with me? After work, I mean." Harry nonchalantly asked, peeking into the cauldron.

The blonde spluttered and accidentally tipped the entire tube into the cauldron. His mouth opened and closed like a fish as he stared at the dark haired man, eyes the size of a house-elf's. His eyes quickly left Harry though as a small rumbling sounded through the room as the potion began to boil over the cauldron heavily. "Get down!" He called. Harry ducked under the table, joining Malfoy - of whom had a seriously pissed off face. Harry smiled at him sheepishly before an exploding sound erupted in the room. After a few minutes, they both climbed out from beneath the table to examine the damage. The potion had splattered everywhere. Goop piles were falling from the ceiling and the walls were now painted teal. "No." Malfoy said. Harry looked at him quizzically. "My answer to your question. No." He turned to walk out the door and Harry just sat back onto his stool - after vanishing the teal goop on it - and went back to the paperwork.

A few minutes passed and Malfoy walked back in, wand in hand. He cast a spell and the teal goop vanished from everything it was on. Harry looked up around the room, smiling at the work he had done. "Are you sure? I'm going to that cafe right down the street from where Ollivanders used to be. Moment Of Peace I believe its called. Good food and tea. Have you ever been there?" Harry smirked when Malfoy paused his movements. Everyone always claimed that Harry wasnt observant but he had noticed as he worked with Malfoy the last few weeks, that Malfoy always had a cup of tea from the small cafe. On one of his day's off, he had stopped by to see what was so great about the place. He had a cup of earl grey tea and a BLT sandwich. It was the only place that he knew of that served muggle food in the whole of wizarding England.

"Oh, um. Yeah. I go there often. I enjoy their tea more than anything else though." He said. Harry nodded and turned his attention to writing again. He wanted to get at least half of the paperwork done before leaving. Malfoy sighed heavily which caught Harry's attention once more. "Fine. I'll go with you. I was going there after work anyway. But I'm getting my tea and leaving right away." Harry nodded again and smiled at him before going back to his work once more.

"Alright, well, it's my time to leave." Malfoy announced around 5 pm. Harry looked up from his paperwork. He hadn't realised how engrossed in his work he had got.

"Alright, let me just pack up." Harry told him. Malfoy curtly nodded to him and waited patiently by the door for only a few moments. Harry packed his papers into his bag and quickly walked towards Malfoy. The blonde left before Harry had reached him, causing Harry to chase after him. Harry walked a step behind him down the narrow hall, trying to make conversation that Malfoy was taking no part in. They reached the apparition point and Harry suggested a side-along - to which Malfoy sneered at even the thought. Harry raised his hands in defeat and apparated away. A second later, Malfoy appeared next to him in front of the cafe.

"What tea's do you recommend?" Harry asked him as he looked at the menu. Malfoy hummed and looked over the menu himself.

"Probably the white and green tea's." He said coldly. Once the line moved up so that they were in front of the cashier, Malfoy ordered and pulled out his wallet but Harry quickly stopped him, ordered himself, and then paid for both of them. Harry sat down at one of the tables near the front of the cafe while Malfoy stood to the side. Eventually though, Malfoy sat down across from him and Harry smiled at the blonde.

"Are you still into quidditch?" Harry asked after their tea's had come to the table. Harry had yet to receive his food but that was fine. Malfoy was still at the table with him even though he made it clear he wasn't going to stick around.

"A little bit. Not like I used to be." His voice monotone and his eyes blank of emotion, Malfoy took a sip from his cup. Harry nodded, mimicking his action.

"Ah. Well, Ron keeps me updated. So far, my favourite team - the Falmouth Falcons have been eliminated from the cup. The Holyhead Harpies are up six to two." He said. "The Tutshill Tornadoes are going strong as well. I usually root for the Falcons but since they're out, my bets on the Holyhead Harpies." Harry explained. Malfoy slipped from his cup, his face showing disinterest in the current conversation but he hummed along nonetheless.

"Merlin, I haven't flown in a while. Last time was, I believe, right before we graduated from Hogwarts." He mumbled, a shimmer of nostalgia in his eyes. Harry hummed in agreement.

"Yeah, it's been so long since I've flown as well. Been too busy to go flying sadly." Harry announced. After that, they sat in a comfortable silence. Harry had obtained his sandwich which was some kind of grilled burger that Harry had seen at Hogwarts but never actually tried. Malfoy got up after Harry started to eat, announced he was leaving then proceeded to walk out the door without so much as a glance back.

I'm sure you'll come by my lab uninvited again so see you at work whenever you drop by. Malfoy told him through thought, though the tone of the thought sounded annoyed. Harry chuckled and replied in thought as he went about eating his food.

Harry had come to find that blocking out Malfoy's thoughts and censoring his own was not as challenging as he had originally expected. Now he could do it with ease with most tasks - some were still a bit shaky when it came to censoring but he managed to get by.

Harry finished up his food and made his way home, waiting for Ron to join him for a drink.

#fanfiction #mine #draco x harry #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fandom #harry potter #draco malfoy x harry potter #harry potter x draco malfoy #draco malfoy #hp drarry #drarry #hp au #hp fandom #hp fanfic #hp #fanfiction writer

[jecajames]

I'm sorry and I mean it...

I am learning, understanding who I am and what affects me. I am angry...why is there such a long list of people I am angry at? Why? Because they don't like me or they don't accept me or they have had enough of my reactive nature, or as some have called me, a drama queen. I guess I have my reasons for being so dramatic; I've known that my reactions to certain situations can be intense and maybe extreme. My emotions intensify two weeks or earlier before my period. BUT I will say, lately, I've been far more fearful of life and far more angry. Pandemic, forced vaccines, forced Covid tests, isolation, moving and not making friends in new place, committing to a good relationship but still afraid to lose it; Loneliness, not feeling included, not feeling love from family members, feeling betrayed and hated...I feel all of these things and these emotions come and go on a daily basis...yes it's spiritual warfare...this warfare started when I am maddened the enemy by attending church, by deciding I want to love and live for God (untouchable covenant with Highest)...for finally realizing that this world just cannot give me what God has been offering me all along. I've been very intense lately, posting things to evoke a conversation that never happens, rather folks just hate me more in silence. I want to spread truth with anger...and love is truthful not angry. When I meditate on how Jesus dealt with the disciples, who were like his brothers, I am ashamed at my actions. I AM BETTER THAN THIS!! But when I justify my actions with everything I've been put through, suddenly my actions don't seem that intense, that hateful.

We are all children of God, whether we are confused. Whether we are racist or not...whether we are gay or not.. God is clear on how he feels about those who overlook His perfect ways and mutilate their bodies to be different than how God created them to be. Almost like a huge spit in God's face, almost or just saying: God, I have to fix the mistake you made...you didn't put me in the right body.. huh? Who are we, and (at eg: 13 or 14 years old) to even know what's right for us..

We only see what's in our clear vision but we will never see God's full vision for us as His creation. Anyone could sit here and say, well I don't believe in God. Whoever doesn't believe in God has never tried to look within and into their spiritual foundation. All of that lies within; Those who are in disbelief of God are frequently advised to ask God directly; Unbelievers of God would never do it, but you better believe that if you challenge God, God will show himself.. YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!!

I didn't know that doing Yoga is a direct worship to false idols? I just did it because, well, millennials were all about it and really were the ones who brought it into the new generation. NOTHING has ever brought me more peace than speaking to God in my time of need. BUDDHA would need to die 300 times on a cross for me to bend my knees for him (THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN..ONLY A PERFECT GOD CAN DIE FOR OTHERS). There are definitely good examples of positive leaders in this world, but when a leader tries to start a religion of self worship, I say WRONG! for instructing people to love themselves above God!

With all of this, I ask God, to change my heart towards those who oppose my heavenly father's love for them.

God, change my anger into just love of truth and peace.

[crackheadgeminibby]

Could you write something 'bout Chris congratulating yn in public and privately 'cause it's mother's day and she's dodger's mom? 🥺

mother's day

pairing: chris evans x female!black!reader

warnings: age gap, language, fluff

word count: 1.5k

a/n: i love this idea so much, thanks for giving me the opportunity to write it🤍

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape or form or reposted on any other platform

picture credit: @chrisevans on instagram

You groan softly, before turning around and stopping your alarm.

It’s Sunday, which normally meant no alarm and sleeping in, but you had plans. Today is Mother’s Day. You normally spent it with your mother going out for brunch, shopping, going to the movies, etc. but in the last year, you had moved in with Chris and he lived really far away from your parents’ house. You had told your mom that you were going to call her, first thing this morning, to make up for not being able to be with her.

Since you were in Boston with Chris, you were going to be spending Mother’s Day at his mom’s house. This meant a big dinner, but it also meant you had to make some food to take it there.

Every single time you went to Lisa’s house, you always brought something whether it was a meal, dessert, wine or a gift. And every single time you brought something, she said you didn’t have to do that. You couldn’t help it though; it was just how you were raised. Your parents always told you to never show up empty-handed when someone invited you to their home and that’s exactly what you did.

Today, you were making apple pie for dessert which meant fresh apples and going to the grocery store right at the opening.

Rubbing your eyes, you push the covers off your body and walk to the ensuite bathroom. While brushing your teeth, you take your phone and open Instagram. The first post you see is one that Scott posted a couple of minutes ago. The first picture is a collage of a bunch of pictures of him and his mom. You smile softly at their smiles in the pictures. Sliding, you see other collages with pictures of Scott’s friends and their kids. You double-click on the post, leaving a like, and slide down to the second post. Of course, it’s Chris’ post to his mom. The first picture is an old picture of them holding each other and smiling. You slide and see that the second picture is from when he took her to the Winter Soldier premiere. You double-click again, liking the post. You’re about to put your phone down to take a shower but see a bunch of notifications appearing on your screen.

Confused, you refresh your Instagram feed and see a new post by Chris appearing at the top. You frown, seeing yourself from the back in the first picture. You slide down to the caption and gasp softly as you read it: “Also, happy Mother’s Day to this beautiful woman! We may not have any babies but you sure as hell are Dodger’s mom. Kinda hate that he likes you more than me now but it’s okay because I love you💙”

You smile as you go through the pictures he posted. The first one is a picture you didn’t even know he had taken from when Dodger, Chris and you had gone on a picnic a couple of days ago. The second is a pretty dark and blurry picture that he obviously hid to take. You recognize the angle being from the entrance of the living room. You were laying on the couch, engulfed in a fluffy blanket, with Dodger laying in front of you, his head resting on your stomach. You smile softly, remembering that day.

It was a couple of months ago and you were on your period. You normally didn’t have really big cramps but the stress you were feeling had intensified them and you were almost unable to move. When Chris had come back from work, seeing you laying on the couch in pain, he had gone right back out to get you a bunch of food to satisfy your cravings and half a dozen hot compresses because he wasn’t sure which one you would like.

Chuckling softly, you slide to the last picture, slightly cringing at your appearance. It was a screenshot from a FaceTime call, right after you had moved in with Chris. He had to leave for a few weeks to film and you were alone with Dodger, who always wanted to see Chris before you hung up. In the picture, you had clearly just woken up and were laughing, probably at something Chris said, with half of Dodger’s face mid-bark in the frame.

You like the post and scroll through a couple of comments, some nice, others not so much, before putting your phone down.

While in the shower, your mind goes back to a conversation you had with Chris recently. It was after your first big fight.

Everyone knew Chris wanted kids and you obviously did too. But he had brought it up accusingly when you were exhausted and anxious and you had blurted out that you didn’t want kids. It wasn’t really the truth because you did want kids. And you wanted them with Chris, but you weren’t ready. After you had said that, you had a screaming match with Chris that ended up with you sleeping in the guest room, not that much sleeping was done. Halfway through the night, Chris had knocked on the door, asking if you were awake, and you talked to each other, explaining both of your viewpoints: you felt like you weren’t ready to be a good mom to a child because you were still dealing with trauma from when you were younger, and Chris felt like his clock was running out. After talking to each other, you had settled on kids in the near future, but not right now.

Getting dressed after your shower, you think about the fact that you hadn’t heard a peep from Chris since you had woken up. Considering it was Sunday and Mother’s Day, you knew he couldn’t have scheduled a meeting today. He sometimes ran or worked out on Sundays, but you had been up for almost 2 hours now.

Walking to the kitchen, you open your Messages app, ready to send him a text asking where he is when you hear, “Dodge, stop, let it go.”

Frowning, you start deleting the message when you hear, “Happy Mother’s Day!”

You shriek, startled, before letting out, “Holy shit!”

You look up at the dining room that is completely decorated. There are colorful banners all around the walls and the table is filled with food from waffles and pancakes to fruits and drinks. Finally, Chris and Dodger are standing in the corner of the room in front of balloons that spell out “MMO❤️”. You frown, tilting your head. Chris’s smile falters as he turns around, groaning, “Dodger, I told you to stop moving the balloons.”

He turns around completely, arranging the balloons to say “MOM❤️” and turns back around, saying, “Ta-da!”

You laugh loudly before walking to Chris, hugging him.

“When did you have time to do all this?”

Chris smiles, holding your waist, before yawning and saying, “I got up at like 6 to make all the food and then I got the balloons when the mall opened at 8.”

You wrap your arms around Chris before kissing his cheek.

“Well, thank you, I love it. And I love you.”

You bite your bottom lip, flicking your eyes down to his lips, before leaning towards him. Chris smirks, letting his hand slide to your butt cheek, softly squeezing it before you hear a small whine. You stop moving, slowly looking down. Dodger looks up at you with his big brown eyes, rubbing his snout on your leg.

You smile softly, letting go of Chris before bending down and petting his head.

“You want some love too, huh, Dodge?”

You rub the back of Dodger’s ears, hearing a click sound. You turn around, seeing Chris with his phone in his hand. You smile, saying, “Did you just take a picture?”

Chris smiles softly, “No?”

You chuckle, sitting down and gesturing at Chris to join you. Chris takes one of your hands in his and pets Dodger with the other. You alternate looking at Chris and Dodger before sighing and cupping Chris’ face in your hands. You kiss him softly, leaning back and saying, “I love you, baby.”

Chris smiles softly, replying, “I love you too.”

You look down, sighing softly. Chris lifts your head up, giving you a knowing look, “What’s wrong, baby?”

You chuckle at how perfectly he knows you.

“I know I said I wasn’t ready, but I think maybe I am.”

Chris’ smile widens slowly before he says, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

You nod your head excitedly and Chris lunges at you, tackling you to the ground, planting kisses all over your face. You laugh softly, hearing Dodger bark, before he excitedly starts jumping around Chris and you.

Chris leans back slightly before whispering, “You’re gonna be the best mom, I just know it.”

You smile softly, kissing his cheek and wrapping your arms around him.

#chris evans #chris evans x black!reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfic #chris evans x black reader #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x woc #chris evans fanfictions #chris evans fanfics

[jealousygirl]

Something More pt.8

i just want you to know that i post chapters faster on wattpad click here

Andrew!Peter Parker x FeliciaHardy!reader

Masterlist

You were walking down the school corridor with a slight smile caused by the sunny morning, looking at the random people you met in the corridor when you suddenly noticed a large gathering at your lockers, or more precisely at your locker. "What's going on there?" you asked yourself.

Sorry - you started to push your way through the crowd of people - but it didn't work so you shouted - Move on! - Then suddenly everyone turned towards you. Some had their heads down, others had their smiles raised high. When you reached your locker you could not believe your eyes. Your locker was painted with a big red sign : " Felicia Hardy is a whore and will suck you off for 10 dollars. " and some obscene pictures from your past.

You clenched your fist and stared with dilated pupils at the locker.    After a while Peter also walked into the crowd. He did not stand like the others all with contempt or regret painted on their faces. You ripped the photos off the locker and then swung your open hand to hit the locker, but your hand landed not on the cold metal, but on Peter Parker's warm chest.

Step back Peter. - You said with slightly red eyes and then you started to jerk yourself out of the boy's embrace to reach your locker and nail your fist to it. - Let go Parker! - You warned the boy a little louder to which he just waved his head and took you in a hug but you immediately pushed him against your locker making his jacket end up red. - I said something Parker. - You turned around and headed for the school yard. As you were leaving all you heard were some stupid texts from obnoxious dudes like " Hey, in the hangout after 4th period, what do you say I have 15 dollars " or " You're priced out for a common rag." You didn't care about the insults of others now you only cared about one person.

Are you fucking kidding me! - you shouted to Flash as you walked towards him.

Have you seen the cupboard? The writing on it only tells the truth, you know I never lie. - He replied.

You crumpled up all the pictures in your hands and threw them at the boy. - One day you will regret this. - You said, pointing your finger at him.

One day? - Flash grabbed your wrist changing his expression from a sly grin to a serious face and said. - If you ever try to humiliate me again. - You felt the pain in your wrist intensify. - The whole school is going to get your whole collection, and you know what, I feel a little sorry for you because you're just a slut. - Blue-eyed let go of your wrist then crossed his arms and returned to his friends with a laugh.

*In class*.

When you entered the classroom, everyone's attention was on you, but you didn't care, you didn't enter with your head down and your tail tucked in, but with your head up and a menacing look on your face.

You sat down in your seat right next to Peter, whom you had just treated like trash. You were honestly afraid to look him in the eye, he probably doesn't want to know you anymore you wouldn't want to know yourself after doing such a thing.

After a few minutes*.

You eyed the mark left on you from your encounter with Flash. The boy went from being an admirer after being rejected to just being an asshole like any man. Watching the red mark you were interrupted by a ball of paper hitting you in the head. You bent down to pick up the ball then unwrapped it, and on it was a red inscription : "We only have a fiver what you have to offer me." This annoyed you but you would not allow yourself to be humiliated by leaving it at that. You took your pen and under the lesser sentence of one of the boys in your class you wrote: "For a fiver I can only kick your ass. "After writing these words you threw a crumpled ball at the addressee of the earlier message. As the boy was opening the note, you were interrupted by the voice of the assistant principal to watch his reaction. - Felicia Hardy to see the headmaster.

You knew you were screwed, but there was nothing you could do, so you just packed your things and left the classroom. No one said a word but everyone was staring, you could feel it, you could feel their eyes on your back.

Mrs.Hardy this is your 2nd visit in the last 3 days. - The principal started.

But I didn't do anything wrong this time, it was all Flash's fault! - You raised your voice.

You think you didn't do anything! These are your intimate photos, Felicia you're only 17, and what I've heard says you were much younger in them.

That's not your problem! - You shook your head in disagreement.

Mrs.Hardy please calm down. Of course Mr. Thompson will be punished accordingly.

You want me to be calm?! My nude photos have been seen by half the school!

I won't talk to you like this. Go sit outside the classroom and wait for your aunt.

Did you call Tina?! Oh no, no she won't come.

Believe me she will turn up or we will just explain this matter to the police.

You looked down at your shoes, wondering if there was any way the police could have guessed about your alter ego, then you left the office and exchanged glances with Flash and his parents. As they entered Mr.Sweney's office you sat down on one of the seats and deliberately banged your head against the wall closing your eyes.

When Flash along with his parents left about half an hour had passed. The blue-eyed boy looked at you angrily after which his parents came up to you and said -We're really, really sorry, you can't imagine how ashamed we are now.

She can't imagine! - Tina suddenly emerged from behind Flash's parents. - My dear niece was laughed at in front of the whole school. - Your aunt patted you on the shoulder and showed you to stand up. She opened the door to the office and addressed the couple once more - Keep your little son away from my Felicia.

The conversation between the director and Tina continued, after about 20 minutes the topic of conversation turned to the police and even the court.

Oh well, we won't be filing a lawsuit, I just want that lunatic to never come to this school again.

You have to believe me Mrs.Hardy this student will suffer a punishment commensurate with his behaviour, but the fault here lies on both sides.

I agree with you exactly, Mr. Sweney, when we get home we'll explain everything.

Just don't take it lightly, such things are punishable even from the person doing it. We don't want our student to get in trouble with the law.

A moment later in the car*.

"We don't want our student to get in trouble with the law." - Tina burst out laughing.

Wait, aren't you still angry? - You asked surprised.

Oh well I hope you've cooled down by now too, let's just not talk about it, clear?

All clear. - You huffed, your aunt's train of thought was not good did you care? No! As long as you don't fight again it won't bother you.

#andrew garfield x reader #andrew garfield x you #andrew!peter x reader #andrew!peter x reader enemies to lovers #peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader amazing spiderman #peter parker x reader enemies to lovers #peter parker x villian!reader #peter parker x y/n #spiderman x reader #peter parker x you #tasm peter parker #peter parker #spiderman x you #spiderman #spiderman x villian!reader #andrew!peter parker #andrew garfield #andrew!peter x reader angst #black cat #felicia hardy #peter parker x villian #villian!reader #villian #enemies to lovers

[twinklelilstarkey]

Second one - Frederik Andersen

Words: 1.6k+

Type: Fluff

Summary: After a lot of trying for your first baby, your second pregnancy happens to come by surprise.

Warnings: Female!Reader. Dad!Freddie, a whole softie for his family. Unplanned (second) baby. Mentions of pregnancy symptoms.

It has been a little bit over a year since you had your son. You still remember how happy you felt when you discovered that you were pregnant. You and Freddie had been trying to have a kid for months, to the point that, quite honestly, you had started losing hope.

Truth be told, all your friends that are planned parents did say that whenever you stop worrying about the whole thing, it ends up happening. Which it is true, in your case. Yet it was still a surprise that made the two of you hysterical.

And now, you got a giggly redhead one year old running up and down the house with a miniature hockey stick in hand, which he uses to destroy the stuff on your hallway - that’s at his reach.

Freddie is absolutely obsessed with his son. But due to his job, he can’t be present all that much. So, he always tries to overcompensate for his lost time. And that means: doing absolutely everything that he asks him to, always holding him and cuddling with him, buying him all sorts of stuff. 

Just overall being a whole softy with his kid.

Whenever he’s in a roadie, you can tell he’s suffering a bit. He continuously tells you that he misses you when you call, as well as how he can’t even sleep sometimes because his brain has grown accustomed to how chaotic your house is - a joke he loves to say just to see/hear you scold him for it.

When he does come back, he does not leave your side. He always has his arms wrapped around you. Whenever he’s laying down, he has to have you on one side and the baby on the other, or over his chest. Even when he’s sleeping, he just has this kind of iron grip on you.

He has just become the biggest family man ever and you honestly can’t even complain about it.

You’ll never forget how when on a facetime call, which is almost everyday before he goes to sleep or into a game, he just has this soft look every time his eyes land on the baby boy crawling up your bed and laying beside you or over your chest. 

You just can always tell he misses you two but doesn’t really say it.

Freddie’s coming back today from a roadie that wasn’t all that long, just a week, but you can tell that he’ll make as big of an entrance in the house as any other roadie.

Now, here’s the more interesting part. 

You’ve been feeling weird lately. Every morning, your lack of appetite due to slight nausea has grown massively. You’re not one to have any breakfast in the morning ever since you were younger, because the idea of food never sounds all that well - kind of depending on the night, to be quite honest. But now, you can’t even drink coffee. Which is weird.

You also have been peeing a lot. But again, not that weird, you always assume that you probably just drank more water than normal.

And lastly, your sense of smell has been on its highest, making you sensitive to strong perfumes and colognes, and, specially, when changing a diaper.

You grew tired of those symptoms rather quickly, even though you felt more confused than anything. But everything seemed to start making sense when you got a notification on your phone this morning.

PERIOD LATE. 3 weeks

You swear that your eyes almost jumped out of their sockets right as you read it. 

You look over at your son, playing in the center of the living room, before you stand up and run full speed to your bathroom.

Could it be?

You leave the bathroom door slightly open, just so you can hear if anything goes wrong with the child you just ‘abandoned’, and practically dive into your cabinets to look for a pregnancy test. 

And God, the urge to go back in time and kiss the past-you is just too big. There’s two tests. Two!

After a big deep breath, you open the boxes and start doing what you got to do.

Destiny must be on your side because you didn’t have a toddler pushing the door open mid-peeing - something that happens too often for you to not find slightly weird.

After doing the two tests, you put the caps back on and flush the toilet. Reopening the bathroom door to hear if everything is normal back on the other side of the house.

Right as you’re washing your hands, you hear a very familiar voice down the hall.

“Oh, I missed you so much, my baby boy!”

Freddie’s home.

Your eyes widen again and you stare at yourself in the mirror for a bit. It will still take a few more minutes for the tests to be done, so, you can just act like no suspicion as happened in your mind until you’re sure.

“Where’s mama, uh?” You hear him ask.

Your breathing heavies as anxiety starts to intensify and your heart also begins to speed up. You hear Freddie’s footsteps down the hallway and you act on impulse, standing by the door and leaving it slightly closed so he can’t see what’s on the counter.

“Y/N?” You hear him call out.

“Bathroom!” You answer back.

You put your actress mode on and act as if you’re just walking out of the bathroom and soon Freddie appears on the bedroom door. Your son is being held against his chest as he grips onto his dad’s hoodie and lays his cheek over his shoulder.

“Hi!” He says with a sweet smile.

“Hi.” You say, mimicking his smile.

“You okay?” He asks while walking towards you and you nod, “You look a little... uneasy.”

How in the hell? Are you that bad of an actress?

“No, I’m okay. Just didn’t expect you to come home so early.”

He finally stands in front of you and leans down to give you a kiss. You smile at him brightly and he wraps his arm around your waist, making your son lift his head from his dad’s shoulder to look over at you.

Freddie lays kisses on your head, over your hair, continuously and you wrap one of your arms around him to welcome his tight hold.

“What have been up to today?” He asks against your forehead.

“Not much. Just watching over him and preparing stuff for lunch. Saturday things.” You tell him with a shrug and his beard tickles your skin as he smiles against your forehead.

“And work?” He asks.

“Like I told you throughout the week,” You start and he chuckles, “It hasn’t been too bad. Quite calm, actually.”

As you continue to exchange words and information that you already know about each other’s weeks due to Freddie’s infinite calls, something stops you mid sentence.

Your alarm (!).

It’s already been the few minutes. How in the heck?

“Give me just... one second.” You say to Freddie, holding up a finger at him.

Freddie gives you a confused look and lets you go back into the bathroom by unwrapping his arm off your waist. He then looks over at the toddler laying over his shoulder as if he could give him any answers, but no, just a babble.

Not very informative, but it’s the intention that counts.

You close the door, and almost trip over the carpet to get to the other side of the counter. Your hands are shaking already, yet they snatched the tests back perfectly.

Before your eyes could even focus on what’s in front of you, you hold the tests up close to your face.

Pregnant and Pregnant.

“You okay in there?” Freddie asks and you hold your breath.

“Uh- uh, yeah.”

You walk back to the door and hold the tests behind your back. He needs to know. And you are going to tell him about it right god damn now.

Freddie looks back at you as you reopen the door and he notices your hand behind your back.

“I have something to show you.” You whisper at him and he frowns.

“Okay...?” He says, “You’re not going to show me like a dirty diaper, right?”

You chuckle through your nerves at him and you shake your hand.

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. You did that to me when he was younger. And surprises that come from a bathroom can’t be much different.”

He has a point.

“No. It’s not a diaper, babe.”

Freddie feels a little bit of relief run through him and his heart stops as he sees you bring your hand to your front and he notices the very recognizable blue and white stick.

“No way.” He says before snatching them from your hand.

You giggle at his reaction and he turns them around in his hands so quickly to the point where he almost lets them fall, almost unable to stare at the word in them. Your son lays his hands over his dad’s cheek as he notices his shock and you smile at him.

“You’re not kidding, right?” He asks and you shake your head. “Oh my God.”

Before you could register it, Freddie wraps his arm back around you and pulls you into a hug. You laugh at how quick he is and he starts littering kisses all over your shoulder, to your neck and cheeks, meanwhile tickling you with his beard.

“Oh, I love you so much.” He says when he leans his head back to look at you.

“So, you’re excited about it?” You ask teasingly.

“Of course, I am. Are you kidding me?” He asks and you smile at him, again. “We’re going to have another kid, baby!”

He lays a peck on your lips and you kiss him again when he pulls away.

Freddie looks down at the kid still holding him, obviously finding your excitement very confusing, and he smiles down at him.

“You’re going to be a big brother, buddy!” Freddie tells him while making him move up and down on his hip.

The toddler smiles at his dad and lets out a giggle before snuggling back into his chest. Freddie kisses his red hair and looks over at you.

“Thank you.” He tells you before pulling you into another kiss. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...” He says by each kiss he lays on your face.

Hope this was good. This was kind of a random idea that came up randomly, so I really hope it doesn’t seem rushed or something like that.

#frederik andersen #frederik andersen x reader #frederik andersen imagine #frederik andersen imagines #hockey imagines #nhl imagines

[discoscoob]

Fires of Pompeii | Loki x Female Reader

Loki (Marvel) x Doctor Who

You and Loki meet each other while you’re both running for your lives through the streets of Pompeii.

Part Two | Chapter Index

Words: 10k +

Warnings: blood and injury

Read on AO3: here

You huddled under the arch of an abandoned doorway just off the high street, it provided you suitable enough shelter from the miserable rain which pathetically drizzled down from the night sky. The light from the street lamps, traffic and shop fronts reflected off the soaked concrete while in the distance you could hear the laughter and chatter of groups of people as they made their way to the pubs and the clubs, the night was still early for them but you intended to be home and curl up in bed within the hour but first, dinner.

 You warmed your frozen fingertips around the paper wrapping which contained a piping hot portion of golden chips from your favourite chippy. Just as you were about to pop one of the steaming chips into your mouth using one of those tiny wooden forks you only ever find in chip shops, something caught your attention and you paused.

 “You’re not mating with me, sunshine!” A woman gasped in a broad east London accent that you would recognise anywhere, it belonged to your auntie Donna, a fiery redhead with an unmistakable dialect. Reluctantly you dropped your wooden fork, with your chip still attached to it, back onto the pile of chips which sat on the wrapping paper cradled in your palm and you ran out from under the doorway to investigate.

 “A mate. I want a mate.” Came a reply and you turned your head in the direction the voice came from to find your auntie, half shielding herself behind the door of an old police box, while a man you didn’t recognise stood before her wearing a pinstripe suit with a pile of luggage gathered around his feet.

 “Well just as well because I’m not having any of that nonsense. I mean you’re just a long string of nothing, you know, alien nothing.” She asserted, now standing fully outside the police box.

 “Is everything okay?” You approached the pair, completely lost by the conversation or argument you had picked up on midway through. Upon hearing your voice Donna gasped your name suddenly looking like someone caught doing something they shouldn’t.

 “Oh chips! I love chips. Can I have one?” The man smiled and pinched a chip from your pile before you could even answer.

 “I can explain.” Donna offered and that is where it all began.

 Donna’s explanation had consisted of an elaborate story about how the man she was with, known simply as The Doctor, was the last surviving member of an advanced alien species which specialised in space and time travel and that he had offered to take her exploring with him through all of time and space. Naturally your initial response was one of disbelief, you questioned your auntie on how much she had to drink that night, then you quickly switched to concern wondering if this strange man had drugged her.

 Donna looked offended that you believed she was anything but sober while the Doctor was startled that you believed he had any ill intent and was quick to sincerely reassure you that he meant your auntie no harm and that he was more than happy to extend his invitation of space and time travel to you, either in order to prove what they were telling you was in fact the truth or to allow you to come along to ensure Donna’s safety.

 You were tempted by his offer until you found out that their mode of transportation was the cramped police box the three of you were stood in front of, the Doctor informed you that it was called a TARDIS, an abbreviation for something you were sure you wouldn’t remember, and that it’s appearance as a police box was merely a disguise however the function had stopped working several decades ago meaning it was stuck like that permanently. You questioned how all of you would comfortably fit inside, along with the huge pile of Donna’s luggage. Images of scenes from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure ran through your mind, the two teens faces pushed up against the glass of phone box which they were squashed into like sardines along with several prominent figures from history.

 Your concern soon developed into wonder after you were ushered by the pair into the box to find it was much bigger on the inside, and not in a ‘its size is deceiving’ sort of way where they cleverly maximised the limited space inside, it was literally impossibly bigger. You had to immediately step outside and circle the boxes perimeter to make sure it wasn’t attached to any walls but it stood in the middle of the street completely detached from any other structure or building. That is when you first started to believe that maybe what Donna had told you wasn’t so far fetched after all.

 Barely 10 minutes later you were rendered speechless as you were stood in the middle of a busy outdoor market, chippy tea long forgotten. Beneath your feet the ground was no longer covered in puddles or reflected the colours of the different city lights, instead you stood on cobble stone covered with dry sand and stray piles of straw. The black night sky was replaced by a flawless blue with not a single white cloud in sight as the heat of the midday sun caressed your skin. You were quick to unwrap your scarf from around your neck and shrug off your bulky winter coat and carelessly throw them back into the TARDIS without a care where they landed.

 “Ancient Rome!” The Doctor enthusiastically announced.

 Your eyes scanned around the bustling market once again and you took in the sight of all the people dressed in period typical clothing, tunics, sandals and such. The air way filled with the smell of fresh baked goods, scents similar to a barbeque and the faintest smell of horse stables. Some people who walked by were even wearing armour with long red capes draped over their shoulders, you eyed them cautiously as they passed.

 “Oh my god!” Donna gasped, grabbing your attention you quickly turned around. “It’s… it’s so Roman! This is fantastic.”

 You rolled your eyes at her dramatics as she threw her arms around the Doctors neck to pull him into a hug and he laughed happily with a proud smile on his face. You had to admit, you were impressed, more than impressed, you were astonished. You could hardly believe your eyes as you took in your surroundings, you would have believed you were on a film set were it not for the lack of a technology crew, cameras and director yelling at you to get out the way of the shot.

 “Hold on a minute, that sign over there’s in English. Are you having us on?” Donna spotted and you looked in the direction she pointed in to find a sign which read ‘TWO AMPHORAS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE’ and your shoulders sank and the prospect of being lied to this whole time.

 “No, no, no,” the Doctor calmly reassured her “that’s the TARDIS translation circuits, it looks like English. It works for speech as well, you’re talking Latin right now.”

 That certainly was very clever and convenient, you thought to yourself.

 The Doctor lead the way as you continued your stroll through the crowded streets in search of landmarks like the colosseum, the pantheon and the circus maximus. You were excited by the prospect of seeing these ancient landmarks in all their former glory but the Doctor appeared lost as he aimlessly wondered the streets with no sense of direction.

 A sudden deep continuous rumbling caused the ground beneath your feet to shake and vibrate, causing tremors to ripple through your entire body, almost knocking you off balance, while the pottery from the market stalls could be heard smashing as they fell to the floor and the scent of smoke in the air intensified. You panicked and grabbed onto Donna’s arm for balance, you caught her staring upwards her eyes transfixed on the sight before her. You followed her line of sight and your face dropped when you saw a mountain top standing tall over the small buildings which surrounded you, as black clouds of ash emerged from the top of it, your heart hammered against your ribcage and your grip on Donna involuntarily tightened.

 “Pompeii. We’re in Pompeii and it’s volcano day.” Your throat closed up as you heard the words leave the Doctors lips.

 Without another word the Doctor began sprinting back in the direction you previously came, you and Donna quickly followed on his heel. As all three of you dashed through the busy streets as fast as your feet could carry you, in an attempt to make it back to the TARDIS and escape the city before the volcano erupted, you collided into someone’s chest just as they were running in the opposite direction, your foot got caught on their ankle, causing you to trip and before you knew it you were heading straight for the floor with barely enough time to brace for impact.

 “Watch where you’re-“ You heard a raised voice behind you and cringed as you prepared to be yelled at on top of the humiliation of already tripping flat on your face, but his voice faltered mid-sentence and you cautiously looked over your shoulder to find a man dressed in modern attire staring back at you with a slack jaw and his brows pulled together as his eyes roamed over you. Obviously your modern clothes caught his attention, just as his caught yours and you could practically see the cogs turning behind his eyes, you were sure your expression mirrored his as you studied each other. You pushed yourself to your feet and glanced over his appearance from head to toe. His shoulder length dark hair was windswept indicating that he must have been running for some time, he wore a brown jacket with its collar pulled up, over a plain white dress shirt paired with a thin dark tie and matching straight leg brown trousers and on his feet he wore a pair of smart polished black shoes. He definitely didn’t belong here, you concluded.

 You barely noticed him take a quick glance over your shoulder before he grabbed a firm hold of your wrist and pulled you into a small nook hidden behind one of the market stalls and clamped his hand over your mouth before you could let out a single sound. You glared up at him to try and communicate how aggravated you were, only to find he wasn’t even looking at you as he was too occupied with searching the market with shifty eyes. So you gave up on your glaring in an effort to try and spot what he was looking for, that is when you caught sight of a man who stood out in the crowd, due to the fact that he, too, was dressed in modern attire. You could see he was searching for something, no doubt it was the man who had you pinned against a secluded wall with his hand over your mouth, for your own good you had to ignore the way your stomach flipped ever so slightly by that predicament.

 Once the man on the street was out of sight the stranger slowly removed his hand from your jaw and took a step back to give you some space. You were about to open your mouth to ask him what exactly that was all about when another rumble shook the ground beneath your feet and reminded you of how urgently you needed to catch up with Donna and the Doctor before the entire city was destroyed and you along with it. You had no time to stop and interrogate the stranger with all your questions such as where he came from, how he got here, who was that man on the street and why was he hiding from him and why volcano day in Pompeii was such a popular destination for time travellers. Perhaps you could bring it up with the Doctor later as he seemed to have all the answers. 

 You were about to step foot back onto the street and continue your sprint back to the TARDIS but the stranger had other ideas. He wrapped his large hand around your upper arm and tugged you back against the wall, with no concerns about being gentle and this time he managed to cage you in with both his arms placed on each side of your head.

 “Where do you think you’re going?” His voice was low and intimidating, as he loomed over you threateningly and stared at you from under his dark eyebrows but with adrenaline already coursing through your veins you were feeling bolder than usual and with your mind occupied by the imminent threat of ash clouds and burning hot magma, it would take a lot more than a deep voice and an intimidating stare to scare you into submission right now.

 “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you have somehow failed to notice that you arrived in Pompeii on the same day the volcano famously erupts and I think it goes without saying that I’m not too fond of the idea of being here when it does. So to answer your question I am trying to get back to the time machine that I came here in so I can get out of here before the city is destroyed. I advise you hurry back to yours and do the same.” 

 The man looked taken aback by your abrupt tone and you momentarily allowed a fluttering of pride to fill your chest but it didn’t last long before it was once again drowned out by the heavy feeling of anxiety caused by the life threatening natural disaster which lay just around the corner, both literally and figuratively.

 “The volcano doesn’t erupt until tomorrow,” the man finally explained once he regained his composure, dismissing your concerns. You blinked, contemplating whether or not to believe him. “But more importantly, I couldn’t help but hear the fact that you mentioned you have a time machine.” 

 “Of course. How else would I have got here? Don’t you have one?” Despite your positions you were beginning to feel less threatened by the man as your interaction shifted into feeling more like casual conversation.

 “It’s a long story.” He vaguely answered.

 “What about that man you were hiding from?” You suggested.

 “What about him?”

 “Does he not have a time machine?”

 “It’s a long story.” He repeated and you sighed with the realisation that this conversation was going nowhere fast.

 “Right. Well, it was... interesting to meet you but I need to get back to my aunt and the Doctor before I get left behind. Then I would be in trouble.” Donna wouldn’t leave you behind, you hoped, surely she was worrying about you right now, wondering where you were.

 “I need safe passage on your time machine away from here.” The stranger rushed to explain before you could duck out of his makeshift trap.

 “I mean... technically it’s not mine.” You awkwardly scratched the back of your neck, as you cleared up the misunderstanding.

 “You just said you have a time machine.” He narrowed his eyes as his expression grew dangerous.

 “I have access to one but it’s not mine. It belongs to the Doctor.” You quickly clarified.

 “Then you will take me to this Doctor.” He commanded, leaving no room for negotiations.

 “I don’t even know your name.” You hesitated.

 At this the man paused and finally took a step back once again granting you your personal space.

 “I am Loki of Asgard, God of Mischief and you will answer to my request.” Loki answered as he raised his head with pride and looked down his nose at you.

 There was a momentary beat of silence as you stared at one another before you couldn’t hold it any longer and you let out a snort of laughter.

 “I’m sorry, does that amuse you?” Loki look mortified and you quickly bit your lip to contain your giggles, realising he looked truly offended.

 “Wait, you’re being serious?” You paled.

 His quiet glare was enough to tell you he was not messing around and you looked down and awkwardly cleared your throat. Had you met this man yesterday you probably would’ve thought without a shadow of doubt that he was suffering from delusions of grandeur but today you were in Pompeii in 79 AD so your mind was beginning to open up to new possibilities, one of those being, meeting a God. Stranger things have happened.

 “Okay, Loki, God of mischief...” you began as you introduced yourself following the same format, telling him your name followed by the country you lived in and jokingly adding ‘mortal of existential crises’ at the end.

 “Don’t do that again.” Loki didn’t appear amused.

 ***

 “No, no, no. This can’t be happening.” You panicked when you returned to the exact spot where the Doctor had left the police box only to discover it had vanished, leaving no trace behind.

 “What? What can’t be happening?” Loki asked you from where he stood a few steps behind, his eyes were still shifty as he seemed paranoid about that man he was hiding from finding him.

 “The TARDIS, the time machine... it’s gone.” You could barely believe the words coming out your mouth, they couldn’t have left without you, Donna wouldn’t have left you behind. Unless the Doctor forced her, but no she would’ve fought him, you would never want to get on the wrong side of your auntie, she was a force to be reckoned with and the Doctor was no match, like she had said he was a long string of alien nothing. There had to be an explanation.

 “Are you sure that this is where they left it?” Loki impatiently offered.

 “Yes, I’m certain. It’s a big blue police box, you can’t miss it. He parked it right there.” You gestured to the empty corner with both your arms, before you brought one of your hands to your forehead while the other rested on your hip.

 “Excuse me.” You jumped when you felt a tap on your shoulder and turned around to find an older man with a head full of curly hair stood behind you. “I couldn’t help but overhear you’re looking for a blue box.”

 “Yes, it was stood right there,” you pointed behind you. “Did you see it?” 

 “I sold it. A young couple came looking for it not too long ago, I sent them to Old Caecilius’ villa on Foss Street, he’s the one who bought it, if you’re quick you might be able to catch them, I think they might try to steal it.”

 “Steal it? You can’t steal something that already belongs to you!” You complained.

 “Well, it belongs to Caecilius now, don’t it? After all he bought it off me fair and square.” The man haggled and you finally noticed that he was speaking with a rough cockney accent which was very fitting with his sleazy disposition, presumably the work of the TARDIS’ automatic translations, this offered you the peace of mind that it was still here along with Donna and the Doctor.

 “It wasn’t yours to sell!” You argued in return.

 “It was on my patch, weren’t it?” 

 You growled, ready to argue back but Loki quickly stepped in.

 “If you would be so kind as to point us in the direction of Foss Street and we will be on our way.” Loki charmed the older man with a polite smile and your jaw dropped at the contrast to the abrupt and arrogant attitude he had treated you with since your encounter began. 

 “Straight up there, big villa, can’t miss it.” He pointed to the street behind Loki.

 “Thank you, sir.” Loki slightly nodded his head before before he took a hold of the back of the shirt near the small of your back and began tugging you towards Foss Street, while you stared at him speechless.

 “What?” He finally snapped when you didn’t take your eyes off him.

 “What was that?” You asked as you shrugged his hold off your shirt.

 “What was what?” 

 “Back there,” you gestured behind you with your hand. “‘If you would be so kind... thank you, sir.’ What possessed you? You’ve been nothing but rude since I met you.” 

 “You we’re doing nothing but wasting my time by engaging in an argument with him and being polite was the quickest way to get the answer I needed so I could be on my way.” He curtly answered, never once meeting your gaze as he kept a vigilant eye on his surroundings.

 “Why is that man looking for you?” You wondered out loud a few moments later, finding his constant surveillance of the surrounding area concerning. If you were going to help this man escape, undoubtedly you had a right to know what you were helping him run from. 

 “He wants to erase my existence.” He answered so bluntly it stunted to silence for a moment.

 “Why?” You finally asked.

 “I’m a glitch in the timeline, I’m not supposed to be here.” He admitted but you were lost.

 “What does that mean?”

 “It’s a-“

 “Long story.” You rolled your eyes but you meant no harm, Loki realised, when he fixed you with a hash glare which softened when he saw your teasing smile.

 Your eyes quickly snapped away from Loki’s when you heard your name being called and found Donna running towards you, you left Loki to run over to her and she pulled you into a bone crushing hug once she finally reached you.

 “I thought you had left without me.” You admitted, as you snuggled into her embrace, all your emotions of the day finally overwhelmed you and you felt moisture building at the rim of your eyes. 

 “I’d never leave you behind, besides your mother would kill me if I let anything happen to you.” She assured you with a small laugh, she wasn’t exaggerating. “But where did you go? You vanished into thin air.” 

 You were about to answer her when her eyes fell on Loki who was quietly stood behind you with his hands resting in the pockets of his pants, his modern attire immediately making him standout to Donna as he did to you when you first laid your eyes on him.

 “Who’s this?” She asked, her interest clearly peaked.

 You invited Loki over by extending your arm and he stepped up beside you.

 “Loki, this is my auntie Donna. Donna, this is Loki. I crashed into him while we were running back to the TARDIS, he’s the reason I fell behind.” You glared at him accusingly and he rolled his eyes.

 “You found your very own time traveller?” Donna looked at you with genuine excitement, obviously putting two and two together from his outfit.

 “I am a God.” Loki narrowed his eyes, frustrated at his status being reduced to ‘someone’s time traveller’

 Just like you had, Donna burst into laughter and you awkwardly pulled your lips together while you waited for her to realise he was being serious.

 “He’s a bit full of himself but at least he’s easy on the eye.” Donna did a terrible job of trying to subtly whisper in your ear and you massaged your eyebrows in embarrassment.

 “I heard that.” Loki sighed exasperatedly, already finding your aunties lack of filter tedious.

 “Come on, let’s get you inside. It’s getting dark.” Donna put her arm around you and guided you into the villa, in an effort to run away from Loki’s glare. Loki followed a few paces behind the pair of you and he glanced over his shoulder one last time before he stepped through the entrance to the villa.

  ***

  As soon as you entered the villa you could see how grand it was compared to the other houses on the streets of Pompeii, it was obvious that the family who lived here were well to do. Everywhere you looked all you could see was marble, it covered the walls and floors and the room was decorated with various marble sculptures and other art pieces, Caecilius was clearly a collector. Sculpted pillars ran through the room, supporting the high ceilings and in the very centre of the room there was fountain. You thought it was a shame that it would all be buried under rocks and fire within less than 24 hours, but you tried to let yourself think too much about it as Donna introduced you to Caecilius, the man who bought the Doctors TARDIS, which you noticed was stood in the far right corner of the room, and Metella his wife, she explained that they also had two teenagers, a daughter, Evelina but she was sleeping and a son, Quintus, who was currently out with the Doctor.

 “The Doctor isn’t here? But we’re meant to be leaving.” You asked, your voice slightly raised in pitch due to your panic.

 “Something came up. Strange things have been happening, he just wants to make sure nothing untoward is going on.” Donna answered.

 “This Doctor...” Loki stepped forward. “He will return soon, yes? I am in quite the rush to leave.”

 “You’re coming with us?” Donna looked between you and Loki for an answer.

 “Yes.” He answered

 “I mean, if it’s okay with the Doctor.” You answered at the same time.

 Without warning the whole villa began to shake as tremors ran through the floor again, Caecilius and Metella held onto their valuables to stop them from smashing against the ground, it reminded you of the scene from Mary Poppin’s where Mrs Banks and the maids cling onto the furniture when the admiral sets off his cannon. You noticed that this time the tremors felt different, they weren’t continuous, they came one after another mimicking the rhythm of footsteps. Before you could question it, the Doctor came running loudly into the room just in time. A teenage boy, presumably Caecilius’ son, Quintus, followed close behind him.

 “Get out! All of you! Get out!” 

 “Doctor! What is it?” Donna yelled, she and the Doctor were holding onto each other for stability and that’s when you realised you had instinctively held onto Loki after the tremors started and he was holding onto you, the both of you stepped away from each other as soon as you realised. 

 “I think we’re being followed!” The Doctor explained, before his eyes landed on Loki and he took in his appearance.

 “Who are you?” 

 “Loki of Asgard-“ Loki started.

 “The God of Mischief?” The Doctor finished, his pitch raised several octaves as his face scrunched up in confusion.

 “Hold on, for real?” Donna looked between Loki and the Doctor, now realising Loki was serious about being a God earlier and in normal circumstances you would have face palmed.

 “You’re not supposed to be here.” The Doctor thought out loud and reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a device the size of a pen and pointed it at Loki, the tip glowed blue and it emitted a high pitched bleeping sound as he scanned it over his body.

 “What is that?” Loki quickly jumped back, dodging the device in the Doctors hand and with a flash of emerald light he was holding a dagger in his hand, that appeared out of nowhere, causing you to gasp and Donna quickly pulled you to her side.

 “It is a sonic screwdriver.” The Doctor answered distractedly, not even noticing the weapon in Loki’s hand as he closely inspected the device with furrowed brows and mumbled something about not being able to get clear readings, but before he could allow himself to get too concerned over the matter, you were all reminded of the bigger problem by the sound of a loud clatter which came from inside the room, it was caused by the metal grid flying off one of the square grills.

 “Just get out!” The Doctor yelled at you all again, as he flapped his arms towards the doors but you were frozen to the spot, you could hear a sinister growling from beneath the floor, there was definitely something alive down there and from the cracks that were beginning to form around the grill, it was obviously trying to break out.

 Gradually a large creature made of magma and stone began to rise out of the ground, until it stood to its full height of about eight foot. 

 “The Gods are with us.” Evelina, Caecilius’ daughter, cried as she entered the room and her mother wrapped a protective arm around her.

 “That is no God! I am the only God present.” Loki seethed in offence.

 “Water, we need water. Quintus, Donna, all of you, get water!” The Doctor yelled above the growls which came from the threatening creature. 

 You were about to follow Quintus and Donna out of the room as they rushed to get buckets of water like the Doctor instructed, but Loki grabbed hold of your wrist and kept you by his side. You looked at him and pulled your brows together confused by his actions, but he offered you no explanation as he closely watched the beast which stood high above all of you.

 “Talk to me, that’s all I want! Talk to me! Just tell me who you are.” The Doctor cautiously approached the tempered creature, with his arms held out before him. “Don’t hurt these people.” He continued to try and reason with it, while it just continued to growl and snarl aggressively at him. 

 Quickly Quintus came rushing into the room with a bucket of water and threw it over the beast. A loud hissing could be heard, as steam evaporated around it, and the Doctor shielded Quintus with his own body as he backed him away from the creature which began to crumble to the floor into a heap of rocks.

 “Like I said, not a God.” Loki smugly remarked to no one in particular. 

 “What was it?” Caecilius shouted at the Doctor, quickly learning that he was usually the one with all the answers.

 “Carapace of stone, held together by internal magma, not too difficult to stop but I reckon that was just a foot soldier. Still... If there are aliens at work in Pompeii, it’s a good thing we stayed.” The Doctor pondered aloud. 

 “Excuse me, aliens?” Loki stepped forward.

 “Oh yes, I still haven’t figured out what you’re doing here.” The Doctor drew his focus back to the God, clearly intrigued by his presence.

 “It doesn’t matter why I am here, I only wish to leave.” Loki answered with a scowl.

 “Why don’t you just leave the same way you got here.” The Doctor challenged with raised brows.

 “I cannot.” 

 “Why not?”

 As you observed the exchange you saw Loki falter and his eyes cast downwards.

 “It would result in my death.” He answered truthfully.

 The Doctor suddenly looked upon Loki with eyes that seemed filled with familiarity and a hint of sympathy. 

 “You remind me of an old friend of mine, I think you would’ve liked him,” he paused as if imagining it. “Actually, perhaps not… your personalities would’ve probably clashed.” The Doctor digressed. “Since you’re not supposed to be here you’re welcome to join us on the TARDIS.”

 Loki’s brows shot up, as he seemed genuinely surprised that the Doctor agreed to let him travel on the TARDIS. 

 “We should be on our way, it will not be long before,” Loki glanced at Caecilius and his family who were all comforting each other after the ordeal they just witnessed, without wanting to mention the volcano out loud in case they might overhear he resorted to miming an explosion with is hands while adding a “boom” sound effect by blowing air through saliva at the back of his throat.

 “Not just yet, I need to- Donna?” The Doctor paused looking around the room in search of Donna and you began looking around for her too but she was nowhere to be found. “When did you last see her?” The Doctor looked at you.

 “She ran out when you asked for water, I didn’t realise she hadn’t returned.” You scolded yourself for not focusing, you should have noticed she wasn’t there.

 “Donna!” The Doctor shouted at the top of his lungs, as he began to run out into the street but before he could leave Evelina stopped him timidly.

 “I saw members of the Sibylline Sisterhood take her while you were confronting the beast.” She quietly confessed.

 “The who?” You questioned, completely confused, while the Doctor grumbled under his breath wasting no more time before he dashed out the door and you were quick to follow after him. Behind you, you heard Loki call your name as he followed after, but you didn’t listen, Donna had been taken and she needed your help.

  ***

  When you sneaked into the temple between the Doctor and Loki, who had caught up to you halfway, and saw Donna bound to a slab of stone, surrounded by a group of women dressed in red robes and one of them holding a dagger above her head ready to plunge it into your aunties chest, you were ready to attack, but the Doctor held you back before you could do anything rash and silent put a finger to his own lips to signal for you to keep quiet, his eyes silently assured you he had a plan.

 “Let me go!” You heard Donna yell above the voice of the woman who held the dagger. The Doctor quietly made his way across the room, ready to intervene at any moment while you stayed by Loki’s side near the back of the room.

 “This prattling voice will cease forever!” The woman yelled as she began to lower the dagger towards Donna.

 “Oh, that will be the day.” The Doctor casually commented, causing all the women around Donna to gasp in shock, while your auntie sent the Doctor and you a wide smile when she realised you had all come to save her.

 “No man is allowed in the Temple of Sibyl.” The woman who was clearly the leader of the group warned the Doctor, before her eyes also shifted to Loki.

 “Well, that’s alright, just us girls.” The Doctor joked as he made his way towards the women, while in the corner of your eye you caught a glimmer of green light only to do a double take when you found Loki had transformed into a woman.

 She sent you a proud smirk as you gaped at her with a slack jaw, your face full of confusion and astonishment.

 You turned your head back to Donna and the Doctor when you heard the sound of his sonic screwdriver, which he held above her restraints and they immediately fell lose, freeing her bound wrists.

 “I have got to get one of those.” Loki commented, her voice sounded more feminine to match her changed appearance, but it still kept that low and slightly intimidating tone.

 As soon as Donna was free she came running over to you and you gave each other a hug, when she pulled back her eyes were on Loki.

 “You’ve changed.” She stated the obvious as her eyes dragged up and down Loki’s new form.

 “I am respecting the sisters temple.” Loki raised her chin and crossed her arms over her chest as she answered.

 “Respecting the sisters temple?” Donna sounded exasperated. “They just tried to kill me!” 

 “I saw.” Loki offered no concern.

 “I’m just glad you’re safe now.” You quickly interjected before the argument escalated, you put your hand on Donna’s shoulder and moved yourself between the pair while you sent Loki a disapproving stare.

 “Show me this man!” A voice echoed through the temple, startling you and drawing your attention back to the Doctor and the sisters. Immediately they all turned and fell to their knees and bowed their heads.

 “They dare kneel before another being whilst in the presence of a God?” Loki seethed as her brows cast a shadow over her eyes.

 “And after you respected their temple n all.” Donna poked from beside you, feigning sympathy.

 You placed a hand on Loki’s chest to hold her back when you heard her grumble under her breath.

 “High Priestess, the stranger would defy us.” The leader spoke, being the only sister left standing.

 “Let me see. This one is different. He carries starlight in his wake.” The voice echoed again, coming from behind a set of sheer drapes at the top of the temple.

 “Where do these words of wisdom come from?” The Doctor asked as he approached the voice.

 “The Gods whisper to me.” It replied.

 “If they’re hearing voices, it’s not mine.” Loki raised her hands innocently.

 “Might I beg audiences? Look upon the High Priestess?” The Doctor suddenly requested and the sheer drapes slowly pulled back to reveal a woman made of stone sat upon a bed.

 You watched closely as the Doctor inspected the Priestess’ condition, and inquired her about it to try and figure out the cause.

 “The people of Pompeii are turning to stone before the volcano erupts.” The Doctor observed. 

 “This word... this volcano... what is that?” 

 “More to the point, why don’t you know about it? Who are you?”

 “High Priestess of the Sibylline!” 

 “No, I’m talking to the creature inside of you. I demand you tell me who you are!” The Doctor commanded.

 “We... are... awakening!” The Priestess spoke, but her voice had suddenly deepened and multiplied, she sounded possessed.

 “The voice of the Gods!” The leader of the sisters cried, before those who were on their knees before the Priestess began repeatedly chanting ‘words of wisdom, words of power...’ your eyes widened at the scene before you, Donna’s jaw was slack with shock, while Loki just rolled her eyes and appeared bored.

 “We... are... rising!” The possessed voice of the Priestess grew louder as she rose from the bed and stepped toward the Doctor.

 “Tell... me... your name!” He yelled back, mirroring her tone.

 “Pyrovile!” The voice inside the Priestess roared.

 “Pyrovile, pyrovile, pyrovile...” The sisters chanted.

 “And the breath of a Pyrovile will incinerate you, Doctor.” The possessed Priestess threatened.

 “I warn you I’m armed!” The Doctor yelled as he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket.

 “Is that... a water gun?” Loki squinted her eyes at the yellow plastic toy the Doctor held in his fist.

 You heard your name yelled by the Doctor as he instructed you and Donna to lift the grid off one of the grills, similar to the one the monster smashed through in Caecilius’ home.

 Without hesitation you followed Donna over to the grill and you both hooked your fingers into the holes on each side and attempted to lift it, but it slipped from your fingers since you weren’t expecting it to be so heavy and it crashed back into place. Loki quickly joined you and Donna to offer a helping hand and together the three of you lifted the heavy iron grid, while the Doctor continued to argue with the Priestess behind you.

 “Got it!” Donna yelled at the Doctor, once the grid was completed removed.

 “Now get down!” The Doctor quickly shouted back, and you looked down into the hole in the ground which hot steam was rising out of.

 “What, down there?” You asked, wondering if the Doctor had lost his mind.

 “Yes, down there!” 

 “Sisters, I see into his mind, the weapon is harmless!” The leader of the sisters yelled.

 “Yeah, but it’s gotta sting.” The Doctor shrugged before he began squirting water at the Priestess who groaned in pain as steam evaporated from where the squirts of water hit her stone surface and she stumbled backwards.

 “Get down there!” He repeated louder when he saw none of you had yet made a move to jump into the hole.

 Donna jumped in first.

 “I don’t think this is a good idea.” Loki spoke, her eyes almost looking spooked as she glanced down at the steaming hole.

 “It’s either climb in there or stay here and wait for the volcano. Your choice.” The Doctor told Loki as he urged you to climb in next.

 Sensing Loki’s anxiety you offered her an assuring nod. “You’ll be okay, look watch me and then follow right after.” 

 Once you joined Donna you found yourself in an underground cave, you could instantly feel the change in the temperature as the air was thick with heat. You looked back up through the hole to find Loki looking down at you.

 “See, perfectly safe.” You assured her.

 Hesitantly Loki climbed into the hole and you helped her down, once both her feet were on the ground she swayed and stumbled as if she was about to faint but you caught her with your arm around her waist and helped her regain her balance. She held your shoulders and shook her head and forcibly kept her eyes wide open before she looked back at you, suddenly aware of how close you were.

 “Are you okay?” You asked, concerned by her behaviour.

 A green light shimmered over her body and he returned to the form you had met him in, you noticed he instantly grew taller and you needed to tilt your head slightly to maintain eye contact, your arm was still wrapped around his waist but it was no longer holding him up as he was supporting his own weight now although you could still feel his body swaying slightly as it was pressed against yours.

 “I’m fine.” He answered curtly, before taking a step back to put some distance between the two of you.

 “This way!” The Doctor led as soon as he jumped into the cave.

 “Where are we going now?” Donna sighed.

 “Into the volcano.” The Doctor answered as if it were obvious.

 You failed to notice Loki’s face fill with dread beside you.

 “No way.” Donna challenged.

 “Yes way.” The Doctor smiled as he twirled the water gun around his finger.

 “Wait, for once I agree with her. We can’t go into the volcano. It could be dangerous.” Loki argued before quickly adding, “for mortals.”

 “It will be fine, it doesn’t erupt for another few hours yet.” The Doctor dismissed. “Now, come on!”

 Before anyone else could protest he had already turned on his heel and began leading the way through the cave, Donna followed behind him, you followed behind her and Loki was at the back.

 As you followed Donna and the Doctor through the winding path of the cave, you kept taking quick glances over your shoulder to check on Loki and you grew increasingly concerned as his condition appeared to deteriorate each time you looked. The further you walked into the cave, the hotter and thicker the air became, you were surprised to find Loki seemed to be the one who was most affected by the conditions out of all of you. While your breathing had become heavy and a thin layer of sweat coated your skin, sweat literally dripped from Loki’s forehead, he started using the walls of the cave to hold himself up as his legs barely carried him, the skin around his eyes grew darker and you could hear him straining on each breath. 

 Once you reached inside the volcano Loki rested his back against the wall and began to sink to the floor, his chest rose and fell rapidly as he struggled to shrug off his jacket, his white shirt clung to his body due to his sweat and he attempted to loosened his tie with trembling hands.

 “Doctor!” You called, as you rushed over to Loki who looked as though he was about to pass out. The Doctor quickly joined your side, as did Donna once her eyes fell on Loki’s condition.

 “What happened?” He asked you urgently.

 “I... I don’t know, he hasn’t been right ever since he entered the cave.” You explained.

 “Loki! Loki, can you hear me?” The Doctor tried, he gently tapped Loki’s cheek but his head just lulled to the side and he struggled to keep his eyes open as he mumble some incoherent in a cracked voice.

 The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and began scanning it over Loki.

 “That’s not possible.” You heard the Doctor whisper to himself as he looked over the readings, he quickly gave Loki another scan and read them again and his face squished up in pure confusion.

 “What is it?” You urged him.

 “He’s... he’s Jotun?” The Doctor answered while sounding more like he was asking a question.

 “What’s a Jotun when it’s at home?” Donna asked.

 “He isn’t Asgardian at all, magic is suppressing his true form. He’s from Jotunheim, a frost plant inhabited by Jotuns, they aren’t designed to withstand heat of such temperatures as this. We need to get him out of here.” The Doctor quickly explained as he crouched down to scoop a barely conscious Loki into his arms and held him bridal style, once he knew he was secure he began running further into the volcano, leaving both you and Donna trailing behind after him.

 You all stopped in your tracks when you found more of the giant stone beasts roaming around inside the volcano. 

 “There’s tons of them.” Donna gasped. “You better hurry up and think of something, Rocky 4’s on its way.”

 “There’s an escape pod!” The Doctor noticed.

 “Maybe... it erupts, and they launch themselves back into space or something?” Donna offered, since obviously the escape pod belonged to the stone creatures which were currently invading Pompeii.

 “Oh, it’s worse than that.” The Doctor whispered.

 “How could it be worse?” You frowned.

 “Heathens!” You heard a man cry. “Defile us! They would desecrate your temple, My Lord Gods!” 

 “Come on.” The Doctor started running towards the escape pod, which looked like a huge hollow boulder with circuits inside.

 “We can’t go in!” Donna shouted after him.

 “Well, we can’t go back.”

 “Crush them! Burn them!” The man who you now noticed was stood on top of some rocks looking down at you as you tried to escape.

 A giant monster blocked your path to the escape pod and growled causing you all to slide to a stop.

 “Get the water gun, it’s tucked into the back of my pants!” The Doctor called your name, unable to get it himself as he was still holding an unconscious Loki in his arms. You wasted no time reaching for the water gun and squirted it directly at the creature and it stumbled back with a groan easily allowing you all enough time to rush past and continue your dash towards the escape pod.

 “There is nowhere to run!” The man screamed.

 “No. But if I might beg the wisdom of the Gods, before we perish, once this new race of creatures is complete, then what?” The Doctor yelled up to the man.

 “My masters will follow the example of Rome itself. There is heat enough in this world for a new species to rise.” 

 “Yeah, I should warn you, it’s 70% water out there.” The Doctor explained, nodding his head to the world which lay beyond the mountain.

 “Water can boil, and everything will burn!” The mad man argued.

 “Then the whole planet is at stake.” The Doctor concluded to himself. “Thank you. That’s all I needed to know.” 

 He quickly turned and gently lowered Loki to the floor of the escape pod then ushered both you and Donna inside before he squeezed in as well and used his sonic to seal the door shut.

 It was cramped inside of the small escape pod with the four of you squashed inside together, once you got inside you immediately crouched down beside Loki to check on his condition.

 “Loki, can you hear me?” You gently nudged his shoulder. His eyes fluttered slightly but he failed to open them and he let out a weak groan, but you were just relieved that he was still conscious. 

 You were conscious of the fact that inside the cramped space of the escape pod it felt even hotter, even you were starting to feel faint. You were still holding the water pistol in your hand and had an idea. You took a gentle hold of Loki’s chin in your free hand and encouraged his mouth open, in his weak state he didn’t fight you, and you pulled the trigger of the toy gun to spray water into his mouth. Once he felt the cool liquid hit his tongue he gladly accepted it as it provided him a little relief from the heat. Loki offered you a small grunt as thanks.

 “See? The energy converter takes the lava, uses the power to create a fusion matrix, which welds the Pyrovile to human. Now it’s complete, they can convert millions.” You heard the Doctor explaining how the Pyrovile planned to take over the human race to Donna, sounding completely horrified.

 “Can’t you change it? With these controls?” Donna tried, her voice filled with panic.

 “I can invert the system, set off the volcano, and blow them up, yes. But that’s the choice, Donna. It’s Pompeii or the world.” The Doctor revealed the heavy decision you were all faced with.

 “Oh my god.” Donna paled.

 “If Pompeii is destroyed then it’s not just history, it’s me. It was always meant to be me, I make it happen.” The Doctor realised. “Push this leaver and it’s over. 20,000 people.” 

 The pod fell silent as the Doctor froze with his hands held over the leaver, Donna watched him with tears building in her eyes and you looked at Loki who was barely unconscious and you made your choice.

You used the wall to push yourself back up to your feet and you stepped between Donna and the Doctor. You placed your trembling hands over the Doctors. You looked to your auntie when she whispered your name and saw the tears brimming out of her eyes your chest felt heavy. At first you thought she was going to talk you out of it but when you felt her hand rest on top of yours you couldn’t control the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes as well. She gave you a final nod and then you knew you could do it, all three of you pushed down the leaver and within seconds the entire pod was shaking, you braced yourself against the wall, careful not to trample over Loki and prepared yourself for whatever fate awaited you.

 Your body got flung around as you were pretty sure that the pod you were in was currently flying through the air, you could only pray you would survive the crash landing. A force pushed you to the ground and you landed on top of Loki’s chest, while the Doctor fell down beside you and Donna miraculously remained the only one standing. Your eyes snapped open when you felt the first breeze of fresh air brush your cheek and you saw the Doctor crawling out the pod. You felt hands wrap around your upper arms and you looked up to find Donna helping you to your feet and you both stumbled out the pod on shaking legs, while the Doctor lifted Loki back into his arms and you noticed that he had sustained an injury to his head during the escape.

 You didn’t have much time to do anything other than run when you noticed the heavy cloud of ash quickly heading straight for you and all three of you began running as fast as your legs could carry you, hoping you could make it to the city and into the TARDIS before it was too late.

 You and Donna held onto each other’s hands as you ran ahead of the Doctor who was slowed down by the extra weight of Loki, but he still managed to run pretty fast. You weren’t far from the city when the thick ash blocked out the light of the sun and plunged the city into darkness, though it was daytime it felt like night as you raced through the streets, trying to remember the direction to Caecilius’ villa. 

 Ash fell down from the sky like snow as the people of the town scrambled in different directions in attempts to make it out of the city alive, you could hear nothing but their cries and the thunderous sound of the volcano as it felt like the whole world was crumbling around you.

 As Caecilius’ villa came into view you pushed yourself to go even faster and you looked over your shoulder to find the Doctor not too far behind with Loki still in his arms, his injured head fell limp over the crook of the Doctors arm, revealing his long neck and prominent adam’s apple and dread struck through you, you had to remind yourself he was only unconscious.

 You pushed through the doors of Caecilius’ villa and headed straight towards the TARDIS but the sound of whimpering stopped you in your tracks, you looked to find Caecilius and his family crowded together on the floor, holding on tight to one another as they cried. 

 “God save us, Doctor!” Caecilius begged the Doctor when he came running in behind you, and he stopped beside you and Donna for a moment as you all looked at the family, you thought the Doctor would encourage them all to get on board his TARDIS but eventually he turned away kept running towards his TARDIS in the corner of the room.

 “No! Doctor, you can’t!” Donna called after him, you silently looked between the Doctor and the family, as he kicked the TARDIS door open with his foot and disappeared inside with Loki. You pushed away the feeling of guilt which fell heavy on your chest as you followed after the Doctor into the TARDIS.

 “Donna!” You pleaded with her when she remained frozen in place, she couldn’t look away from Caecilius and his family as they looked straight back at her, silently begging her to save them. The sound of one of the windows smashing through snapped Donna back into reality and she looked back at you before she hesitantly made her way towards the TARDIS, leaving the family behind. 

 When you entered the TARDIS, you saw the Doctor had placed Loki down onto the floor while he operated the console, preparing the TARDIS to leave. You rushed over to Loki and immediately checked his pulse and breathed a heavy sigh of relief when you found it still beating. 

 “You can’t just leave them!” You heard Donna yell as soon as she entered the TARDIS but you couldn’t lift your eyes from Loki, looking over his pale face and hovering your hand over the injury on his head, drops of blood had ran down the side of his sharp cheek and matted into part of his hair.

 “Don’t you think I’ve done enough? History’s back in place and everyone dies.” You heard the Doctor answer, as you checked over Loki for anymore injuries. 

 “You’ve got to go back. Doctor, I am telling you, take this thing back!” Donna demanded.

 The TARDIS shuddered and your whole body jerked letting you know the Doctor had sent it into flight, once the tremors subsided, the ship fell silent.

 “It’s not fair.” Donna whispered.

 “No, it’s not.” The Doctor agreed.

 “But your own planet. It burned.” Donna cried, and you finally looked up, you didn’t know what your auntie was referring to but you looked at the Doctor with sympathy. It suddenly made sense why he froze when it came to pushing the leaver, if he had already watched his own planet suffer a similar fate. 

 “That’s just it. Don’t you see, Donna? Can’t you understand? If I could go back and save them then I would, but I can’t. I can never go back. I can’t, I just can’t, I can’t.” His voice broke.

 “Just someone. Please.” Donna bargained. “Not the whole town. Just save someone.” 

 “You saved him,” you spoke, as you looked at Loki, who was laid out in front of you. “You can save them too.”

  ***

 The Doctor had returned to Pompeii and saved Caecilius and his family, he and Donna were currently outside bidding them fair well where the Doctor had safely dropped them off just outside of Rome, while you stayed inside the TARDIS by Loki’s side waiting for him to regain consciousness.

 You had cradled his head and moved so you could cushion it against your lap, since you imagined his head will already be hurting from the injury it wouldn’t be very comfortable for him to rest it against the hard floor of the TARDIS. 

 The first sign of Loki regaining consciousness was his eyebrows drawing together as a groan slipped out between his lips, no doubt quickly becoming aware of the pain in his head. His eyelashes fluttered against the top of his ash covered cheeks before his eyes slowly blinked open and the first thing he saw was your face above his.

 “Hi,” you began, unsure of what else to say.

 You barely leaned back in time to avoid his head colliding with yours as he suddenly shot up, so he was sitting up straight on the floor with his legs still lying out in front of him. This appeared to make his head rush as he moaned and cradled his head in the palms. You slowly shuffled up to him so you were at his side, careful not to startle him, you hesitantly placed your hand on his strong shoulder.

 “It’s okay, you’re safe.” You assured him softly.

 He lifted his face to look at you, his eyes filled with something you couldn’t quiet put your finger on. 

 “Where are we?” He asked you, for the first time since you met him his voice sounded gentle.

 “The TARDIS.” You answered him, just as gently.

 He let his eyes roam over the room, taking in his surroundings, before they finally landed back on you. “Am I severely concussed or is this thing bigger on the inside?” 

 You laughed softly. 

 “It’s bigger on the inside.” You confirmed. “Don’t ask me how, I have no idea how it works, if you’d like to know I’d recommend asking the Doctor.”

 Loki nodded with a slight smile as his eyes fell to his lap and you both stayed like that for a moment, neither of you saying anything.

 “Thank you.” Loki eventually broke the silence.

 “What?” Your head shot up, afraid you had misheard him.

 Loki avoided your eyes and his dark hair shadowed most of his face, protecting him from your gaze as he continued.

 “For what you did in the volcano and for...” he cleared his throat, “for the lack of a better word... saving me, I guess.” 

 “I mean to be fair the Doctor did most of the heavy lifting.” You humbly joked.

 “Where is he anyway?” Loki asked, since he noticed it was only you and him. “Isn’t he the pilot of this thing?”

 “He’s just outside with Donna saying goodbye to Caecilius and his family, he dropped them off safely just outside of Rome.” You don’t know why your chest felt heavy as you asked Loki your next question, perhaps it was due to the fact that you had just started warming to his company and he would be leaving soon. “So do you know where you would like the Doctor to drop you off?

 Loki seemed stumped by your question, as if he hadn’t gave where he was going much consideration, instead he was more focused on just escaping Pompeii rather than where he was escaping to. When some time passed and had yet to answer, you decided to break the silence.

 “I mean, if you’re not sure where you want to go, you could always stay with us.” You offered, it was now your turn to avoid his eyes as he looked at you with as much shock as you had when he thanked you.

 “You think the Doctor would be okay with that?” Loki worried.

 “Sure, why wouldn’t he?” You now looked up at him with your brows pulled together.

 Loki opened his mouth about to answer you when he realised, you didn’t know him, you didn’t know any of his previous actions, on Asgard, on Jotunheim and on your very own planet. Then it crossed his mind, he didn’t know what year you were from, in his time it had been about a week since he attacked New York, he imagined his face would have been all over every media outlet after the attack but you hadn’t even recognised him when you first ran into each other.

 “What year are you from?” Loki quickly inquired out of nowhere and you were a bit confused by the random question.

 “2008.” You answered him anyway.

 4 years before he first stepped foot on midgard, 4 years before he attacked New York under Thanos’ control, 4 years before you would know him as the man who tried to take over your planet and rule the human race. Right now you only knew him as the time travelling God of mischief who you ran into while you were both running for your lives. He had anonymity with you, you offered the perfect opportunity for him to start a fresh. He could join you on the TARDIS for a while, with your auntie and the Doctor plus he imagined it would only make it harder for the TVA to find him if he was constantly moving through time and space.

 “I would like that.” Loki confessed.

 “To stay?” You asked hopefully, just to make sure you weren’t misinterpreting him.

 When Loki nodded you couldn’t hold back the smile that took over your whole face, you we’re excited to spend more time with Loki, learn more about him and explore all of time and space with the God of mischief.

#loki #loki (marvel) #marvel #doctor who #loki imagine #loki x reader #loki x you #tom hiddleston #Tenth Doctor #Donna Noble #fires of pompeii

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 28 - This Ain't No Hymn

Masterlist; Chapter 27

Summary: Time is running until Stalsk-12 and whatever awaits you there. You and Neil try to make the best out of what you have left.

Warnings: 18+ (implied and not so implied content); teasing; swearing.

Author's Notes: Gosh that was a long month... and I'm sorry it took ages. But it's here...! And it's over 14k for which I am terribly sorry. This one is my final stall before we kick off the action and I do hope you'll enjoy the absolute crackheadery of whatever goes on. Feedback greatly appreciated, as always!

During the final two days leading up to the battle, you did wonder how life can be at once so wonderful and yet terrifying. It was easy to get used to the new reality, letting Neil stay in your cabin for most of the time and only use his own for those brief periods when he would need a change of clothes. Or when you would be busy dealing with the assigned tasks, and he would get bored (as he proclaimed). Still, there was barely a time when you were not together.

Mornings were undeniably something else. As the remains of Morpheus’ spell wore off, you snuggled the duvet closer to your chest, relishing in the warmth provided by the blanket and the man sleeping beside you. One last heavy sigh before you opened your eyes, squinting in the bright light falling through the porthole. The sun rays aiming directly at your face, causing you to turn onto the side and face Neil. Despite the numerous mornings spent like this, the sight of him never got old. Your eyes slowly swept over his features. The relaxed brow, blonde hair falling over the forehead in complete disarray. Lips slightly parted, letting out quiet snores. You grinned, overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Because this was worth all the heartache and drama. Absolutely priceless.

Scooting a little bit closer, you felt his hand instinctively tighten over your waist. The hold, which has been placed the previous evening, not shifting throughout the whole night. Keeping you secured and warm. Just as if you were always supposed to end up like this. And perhaps you were. Gently, you reached out to brush your fingertips over his temple. Tentative touch making his breath even out, waking him in the process. Using the momentum, you swept the hair away from his eyes, ending the caress by running the pad of your thumb over his nose and mouth. If only because he was within your grasp.

Neil opened his eyes then, blinking twice to get used to the brightness. You watched as he took in the surroundings, consciousness needing few seconds longer to catch up. Once his eyes landed on you, his lips curled into a soft smile. Gaze immediately showing you nothing but affection. You mirrored his expression, letting yourself extend the staring. It was easy to waste the morning just doing that, gazing into each other’s eyes, getting used to the unbelievable luck. The comfortable silence stretched for a few minutes when Neil grinned and pulled you closer, hiding his head in the crook of your neck and inhaling the scent with reverence. The happy giggle rose in your throat, tinting the words with breathlessness:

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” the nickname coming out of nowhere, yet fitting too well.

You could feel Neil’s smile widen. Cradling you close, he kissed your collarbone and slipped his hands underneath the shirt to caress the skin. It was always like this, slow and blissful, with every minute spent cuddling reminding you why loving him was something essential.

“I should be annoyed at you for waking me up,” the pretended sulking accentuated with a huff let out by Neil.

Still, his hold over your waist tightened. Another kiss laid on the collarbone, teeth lightly grazing over your skin. At this point, hickeys were just another thing that had to be accepted. With the military fashion aboard the icebreaker depending largely on pullovers and combat trousers, you did not need much to hide them. Now, feeling the sleepiness gradually make way for other emotions, you wound your arms around his middle, tangling more to prolong the contentment.

“What’s the but there?” dropping the cheeky question, you made sure to press a kiss to the top of his head.

Taking a moment to drag your fingers through his hair, arranging the eternal mess someway, a job you took on most days now. It was only a pleasure, making sure he looked presentable and yet still like his chaotic self.

“But… this way I can spend few more minutes like this” another blissful sigh, “And this is rather nice,” the adjective complemented with a final trail of kisses down your neck.

Using the loose cut of the t-shirt, Neil ended the study with a longer caress on your bare shoulder. Earning a gasp from you. And then, to sober up, you remarked:

“I love it when you become this incomprehensible in the mornings,” another tactical distraction in the form of tracing your fingertips down his forearm.

His cluelessness first thing after waking up was endearing. Despite always being rather dependent on touch and closeness, it was in those hours when he tended to seek comfort. As opposed to your evening need of hugs and cuddles, helping your anxious brain settle in for the night. It worked. Very much so.

“Very funny” Neil raised his head, joining you on the pillow, “You’re quite gorgeous, did you know that?” eyes showing you the unimaginable extent of infatuation.

You grinned, the charm never failing to get to you. In moments like this, it was easy to believe him. To accept the fact that he was in love with you. Exactly as you are.

“You might’ve mentioned it once or twice. I’m not convinced though” sensing the potential in this line of conversation, you made sure to put up the act.

It worked if judging by the way his eyes lit up with the familiar glimmer. As if that was the needed push for him. The wake-up call.

“I’ll convince you then,” a predatory smirk reminding you of the defeat.

There was no point in fighting him. With excitement fluttering in the pit of your stomach, you watched as he shifted to hover over you. Hands settling comfortably on your waist. One last wink before he leaned down, crashing his mouth into yours with hunger. Your hands ventured up his arms to enlace on the nape of his neck, offering leverage. To pull him down as you deepened the kiss. Easily letting his tongue brush against yours in the intimate moves. Every glide of his lips against yours resulting in flickering fire, electrical sparks trailing down your veins. Muffled sighs and gasps breaking the silence. It was never something effortlessly brushed off. Each kiss sharpening the need and affirming the convictions. Unforgettable.

You broke off the contact only once it felt like you both would suffocate if letting it continue. With a permanent grin, you watched as Neil flopped back on the pillow and took a greedy breath, hand taking yours instinctively and lacing up the fingers to extend the touch. After a few seconds of the recovery period, you decided to pick up on the playful strand once more. For good measure. Raising on the elbow, you glanced down at him with a cheeky smile:

“Do you always kiss that good?” you slowly dragged your tongue along your lips, saving up the remains of the taste.

With satisfaction, you observed as his eyes darted to your mouth, pupils darkening as though that was enough to entice him. The attraction never failing to surprise you in its intensity. Fate and related synonyms constantly on your mind. Because what else could it be?

“You tell me” following your mood, Neil smirked, never easily thrown off by the banter.

Shots fired and all that. Naturally. You broke into a laugh, half-collapsing against him. Only the arms wrapping around your waist keeping you secured. There was nothing left to do but let the giggles die down, listening to his steady heartbeat.

“My god…” words choked out with immeasurable happiness, “If it’s going to be a lifetime of talk like that, then I’m not sure I’ll survive it” admitting the eternal truth, you peeked up at him to see the reaction.

A widening grin and a hint of insecurity brewing underneath were a fascinating mix.

“Maybe you’ll get tired of me and my bullshit. And dump me for someone with the charisma of a cardboard box,”

It was the way he was so utterly wrong that made you let out a quiet laugh then. And also, the concern over his self-doubts that would need to be dealt with immediately. As the true bullshit must be treated.

“So… like Jasper?” the joke earning you a genuine burst of laughter from Neil and a tightening hold over your body “Wouldn’t count on it,” raising once again, you kissed him lightly on the lips and the tip of the nose.

As a reminder.

“Good. Because something tells me I’m a lost cause,” the sincere look causing another wave of love for him, “There’s no getting over someone like you, Miss” in response, Neil bopped your nose with his playfully.

There it is again. With curiosity peaked, you ignored the need to get lost in another kiss and chose to ask a question:

“What’s with the new nickname?” your interest betrayed only by the restless fingers trailing down his chest, smoothing out the wrinkles in the shirt.

Not that you did mind. It was rather cute. And strange.

“I’m trying it out... to see how I feel about it” as usual, Neil caught your meaning with a pensive look.

For a moment, he seemed lost in thought, staring at you unseeingly. Beauty like this first thing in the morning should be made illegal. Your heart once again building up the fire that could only be extinguished by letting yourself have what you wanted. And that was rather simple.

“And?” trying to distract the intensifying thoughts, you took hold of his hand once again.

Carefully relaxing the fist, fingertips inspecting the web of veins and scars covering his palm. The long, slender fingers never failing to amaze you. A sudden reminder about the piano in his flat making everything worse. Because that would be quite a sight.

“I like it. Once we get married, I’ll amp up the game anyways,” Neil’s oblivious ramblings disrupting a detailed daydream concerning him and the piano keys.

Thankfully. It was only once you have brought yourself back to the present moment, the exact meaning of his words caught up.

“Once… not if?” that flicker of hope burning bright and steady.

It was in the way Neil studied you closely that you knew he understood. The smirk spread across his lips; eyes glimmered dangerously as he cupped your cheek:

“Why you got any other plans?” a suggestive glance at your mouth yet again.

No reason to deny it. You glanced at the phone to confirm your hopes. It was early. Enough so to spend a little bit longer in bed. Perfect.

“For now, yes,” meeting his gaze with a half-smile of your own.

Quickly untangling from the current position to provide yourself with more options. Not that he would mind how you would go about it. He never did.

“Care to share?” the want written clearly on his face, nothing but an invitation.

No verbal response needed as you straddled his lap and kissed him eagerly. Your hands followed, inching up his shirt and giving more places to study. The look full of curiosity and excitement in the blue eyes only providing more reasons to continue. More kisses. Hands exploring the familiar territory, waking up the desire, and raising the temperature. A quick fix for the addiction. Breathless moans and groans, breaking the silence of the morning hours. Gathering the courage to do what you wanted never felt this sweet.

***

Whenever Neil was busy with assigned work or training, you would wander the ship looking for something to do. A way to pass the time without triggering worrying thoughts or staring at the plans for the hundredth time. Two days were still left. And the objective was to survive them as peacefully as possible given the circumstances. You were owed as much.

That morning your feet carried you to the bridge. The quiet space offering a perfect place to settle down with the coffee and a blanket on your lap. With the panoramic windows giving an excellent view of the horizon, you could comfortably stare at the endless sky and sea. That close to the Siberian shores the only land visible were the occasional Russian islands, partially covered with snow or laid with grassy steppes. Otherwise, the emptiness could be easily overwhelming. Silence deafening. No soul nearby not belonging to your party of agents and soldiers willing to save the world from the bomb that could still go off. (Or did it already?) It was thoughts like those that caused most drama. Tiny brain worms rooting deep inside to come out at night and bother you with difficult questions and uncertainties. An ideal spark for anxiety.

Too lost in your head, you never heard the airlock open.

“Morning” you looked up, startled to see Kat take off the oxygen mask.

“Hi,” you grinned, suddenly relieved to have company.

She hesitated, eyeing your set up on the sofa and then the scene outside of the window.

“May I join?” upon your nod, she smiled and joined you on the settee, noticing wistfully, “The view from my porthole isn’t half this good”

You observed as she took in the scenery, large blue eyes full of wonder.

“This is quite something else…” you added, gaze coming back to the picturesque view.

The comfortable silence stretching out for a few minutes, when sudden thought prompted you to speak up:

“I never came to thank you for helping me back then-” the incoming apology stopped with a hand resting on your knee.

“Don’t mention it,” the reassuring smile shutting up the worries, “It was the least I could do” another pat on your knee before her grin turned wicked, “Where’s Neil?”

Caught. If it was not due to your accurate portrayal of the deer stuck in headlights, it was probably the blush that confirmed her thesis. There was no reason to pretend.

“He’s got shooting practice,” feigning nonchalance, you wondered aloud, “How do you…?” the question not needing finalization.

The look on Kat’s face nothing short of welcoming.

“I saw you on the deck during the Northern Lights,” the explanation tinting your cheeks darker “You were stood close, away from everyone else. And then you looked at him and kept on staring as though he was more beautiful than the Aurora to you” right…your breath hitched, the realization hitting with a needed kick, “I noticed you leave right after, hands holding tightly…” she trailed off, the knowing smile gracing her lips.

More beautiful than the aurora… yes, definitely. Finding words again, you chose to be honest. She saw you at your worst, offered a shoulder to lean on and a spark to light the flickering hope. To say that you were grateful was an understatement.

“We’ve managed to talk it out. Turns out he was just an idiot trying to save me while willing to ignore his feelings” thoughtlessly, a smile appeared on your face; joy uncontainable “You were right, he loves me,”

It still felt strange to say it. Even though it was true. The last time Neil told you as much was less than an hour ago. A parting affirmation as he was putting on the pullover and leaving your cabin. The new normal.

“As he should,” Kat grinned, optimism in her eyes exhilarating, “You both deserve happiness” you mirrored her smile, taking a sip from the abandoned coffee cup in a bliss-like daze, “From what I’ve seen the last few days… you’re giving him everything he was missing” the addition making your grin wider, the dangerous hope unstoppable.

Both of you went silent then, pondering on the view and what could be said. Silence comfortably stretching out and giving you a sense of companionship that you missed. While sharing thoughts and feelings with Neil was like second nature, sometimes you wished for somebody else to talk to. It was that necessity of being candid that prompted the confession:

“I like to believe that maybe now things will turn out alright somehow… but it’s difficult to keep it up with whatever awaits us at Stalsk,” the reminder settling with the anxiety cast all over your mind and heart.

The sombre turn of the conversation seemingly alright with Kat, for she eyed you closely before speaking up:

“Neil told me you’re going with him on the special unit” it was an observation.

But one that needed confirmation. The possibility to discuss it with her suddenly sounding like something you desperately wanted but never dared dream of.

“Yeah, I have to” a nod if only to reassure yourself, “Maybe it’s crazy, but I’ve got a feeling that I should be there. That it’s where I’m supposed to end up” words ringing out in the quiet space with defiance “And do whatever will be necessary to help him get out unscathed” the unsaid hanging over you, bestowing imperceptible shadow.

Kat looked at you thoughtfully; the quiet observation weighed with thousands of things that could be said. Finally, she ended the scrutiny and turned back to the horizon, breaking the silence with a comment:

“After everything I’ve seen, that’s far from crazy,” low chuckle permeating the space with a sense of faked lightness, “I’m more concerned about that part with whatever will be necessary…” the emphasis making your cheeks turn a darker shade.

Of course. She would understand what you meant. It is the only way. The belief in that one statement giving enough courage to defend your position:

“I know how it sounds. And perhaps its emotions talking… but he must survive” hiding the rising wave of emotions, you finished the lukewarm coffee, stubbornly staring at the edge of the navy sea covered with waves.

Anything but to face the attentive gaze. In the fear of losing the conviction. There was no time to falter now. Whatever would happen, you had to proceed with the plan. If not for yourself, then for Neil.

“Even if that means your sacrifice?” the question asked with a neutral tone.

The meaning simple. Taken by surprise, you looked up to meet the blue eyes staring at you inquisitively. There was no point in lying. It was another thing that you pondered on often. The question of what if. What if it comes to it and you’ll have to choose between your life and Neil’s? The answer was undeniable. Even if unspeakable.

“Yes,” a nod to assert it with all your might, “And I know he sees things the same… he told me that it’s why he’s doing it. To make sure the world won’t end taking me with it” you added, as though to validate your statement.

To show her that it was not only you who was that crazy. That perhaps what you have is something extraordinary. Worth more than anyone else can understand. Judging by the glimmer in Kat’s eyes, she knew what you were trying to say.

“I’ve only encountered love like that in fiction,” a hint of a melancholic smile on her face tugging at your heart with force.

Desperately searching for something else to say, you remembered everything Neil told you about her. Of why you were very much alike even if it did not seem so at first sight.

“You’re willing to go to similar lengths for your son. Max, right?” uncertain about the name, you hesitated.

She nodded, her expression turned serious, eyes showing the steely resilience you have seen before. A strong woman willing to do anything to save her son.

“Yes, I think… I’m not sure what’s going to happen on that bloody yacht but…” you watched as she searched for the right words, hands clenched tightly in her lap, “I’ll do what must be done to make sure Andrei doesn’t win this one” her tone turning cold, determination resounding through every syllable “He’s done enough harm,”

It was the flash of resignation passing through her gaze that caused another heartbreak. Suddenly you wished for nothing but a reckoning. Vengeance against this horrible man and the tortures he has inflicted upon Kat.

“I’m sorry,” words rolling off your tongue for the lack of anything better.

Instantly, you cursed your awkwardness, ready to come up with something different, when a hand placed on your forearm stopped the panicked stream of thoughts.

“Don’t be,” she squeezed your palm quickly before saying, “I hate it when people look at me with pity. The poor woman who married a monster. I want to be seen as a victor, not a victim,” the confession carrying with it a rising sense of strength.

Because she certainly was a victor. Someone to admire for the resistance and unyielding force of will. To be good and to put her son’s life before hers. That was something to aspire to. A quote from a few years back resonated through your head as you commented:

“Nevertheless, she persisted,” the mysterious smile spreading on your lips upon seeing Kat’s surprise.

And then she beamed. Gratefulness better than anything else you could ask for.

“Yes, exactly,” a nod, hope shining bright in her eyes, “Maybe this is my chance,”

Using the quiet moment, she stood up and wandered over to the panoramic window. The sun has begun to shine through the low clouds, adding a little more charm to the view. A tiny bit of optimism. Because maybe… With her back turned to you and the increasing sense of courage, you spoke up:

“You’ve already won. You’ve survived a wound like that… and you’re here, free from him. That for me is being victorious” finishing the sentence, you wavered.

When Kat turned back to face you with a smile full of gratitude and eyes shining with happy tears, you knew it was worth it.

***

The early afternoon before the very last night proceeding the battle was difficult. Left to your own devices, you have been idly sitting in the cabin, pondering on the various ways to stop the anxious thoughts. Even for a minute. But all the ways you could come up with either involved seeking out Neil, who has been hired to give the soldiers a quick physics-related pep talk, brushing up on their inverted combat skills and how to survive on the battlefield when the forces of gravity work against you. The other coping method you came up with had to do with spending hours in the shooting ground again. And there were hardly any bullets left for training, with stocks reserved strictly for operational use. Limits set by yourself as per order. Not omittable.

That is how you have found yourself setting up the hastily packed speaker (because why not?) in the small sparring ground in the training zone. You have changed into comfortable sweatpants and a tank top, deciding to use up the excess of energy in chilled solo sparring of sorts. It mostly consisted of finding proper bops and prancing around the space, trying out different kicks and punches Ives taught you. It was easy to get lost, feeling the rhythm, setting the pace, and choosing the right kind of moves to deal with the invisible opponents. A backfist here, roundhouse kick there. An attempt at a flying kick just because the guitar solo got you a little bit too entranced. That one ended with a groan, face flat on the mat. Thankfully there was no one to see.

You got lost in the movement, music drowning out everything else, until it was just you, your body in the fluid movements and the breaths punctuating the silence. Aiming a perfect backhander, you turned around only to freeze when your eyes landed on the intruder leaning on the plastic screen separating the spaces. Impeccable grin and a shrug answering your wide gaze. Blue eyes appreciatively sweeping across your body. Nothing new there for him. You stared back, heavy breaths catching up after minutes of intense practice. After what seemed like an eternity, Neil’s smile widened as he pushed himself up and crossed the distance.

Hands landing on your waist, without a second wasted, he pulled you closer, forcefully enough to draw out a startled yelp. That was rather unexpected. You barely had time to comprehend anything when he kissed you with hunger. On reflex, your hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck as you opened your mouth to let him in. Teeth clanked when Neil reached out for more than you could offer, breath caught in your throat, unprepared for something like this. The need resonating through your tangled bodies as you let the stream of feelings take you under. Temperance forgotten as Neil tugged on your lower lip, bruising the skin and softening the damage with his tongue. You moaned, the sound getting lost in the haze of sudden frenzy. As though you were bound to die tomorrow, and this was the last chance to show each other the love you feel.

It was that thought that prompted you to break away. In search of oxygen mostly.

“Wow…” you gazed up at him, feigning nonchalance, “Thought we agreed on no PDA in the public spaces,” the stern glare breaking underneath the lovesick smile you could not hold back.

Because, after a kiss like that, how could you?

Neil shrugged, keeping his hands firmly on your waist, thumb gently stroking your side through the shirt. There was no remorse in those eyes, only fondness, and mischief. Whatever brought him here was bound to end in trouble. Perhaps that was the distraction you were seeking…

“It’s not my fault you’re stood here looking like this” another admiring look over your figure, finishing with a quirked smile and a pull to bring you closer once again.

It was difficult to deny him anything.

“Like what?” arching an eyebrow you searched his eyes for clues.

Up close, you could fully marvel at his long eyelashes and the exact colour of his eyes. The darker rim encircling the blue-grey depths, pulling you in and making you fall even harder. You always should have known that it was inevitable. There was no escape from eyes like those.

“Irresistible,” the word, falling from his lips in a pious whisper.

Inches left between your faces, gravity doing its work in bringing your nearer. Nothing left to do but breach the gap and kiss him, another way of thanking him for the compliment and getting the fix for the addiction. Now there was no need to hold back, after all.

“Huh…” you grinned, catching your breath once more, “How did you find me?” taking a step back to stop the temptation.

Because perhaps that was enough. The rest could continue in the privacy of your room. Whatever that might be.

“Intuition, mostly” Neil swept his gaze around the room, focusing on the speaker laying in the corner “And a little bit of luck since only you could be listening to ‘Big in Japan’ while training” his eyes narrowed, cheeky smirk dangling in the corner of his mouth.

Ah. The song choice coming back with a vengeance as you blushed for no reason.

“What’s wrong with Alphaville? That’s a banger,” the defence coming with an unnecessary but satisfying push aimed at the center of his chest.

Working perfectly, if the surprised gasp was anything to go by. He only needed a second to recover, the sparks in his eyes telling you that the response was bound to be quite something, and you better prepare.

“I’m not saying it’s not. Only that this is very much in character for the woman I’m honoured to call my girlfriend” a wink perfecting the delivery.

Yep, on point. Your face warmed up a notch, happiness almost incomprehensible.

“Ain’t you smug” masking the softness with sarcasm, you attempted a harsh glare.

However, all the intent crumbled the moment your speaker started playing the next song via shuffle. The soft piano, opening the ballad with a flourish. Nothing but corniness of the 90s and a love song to defy any other. As Bryan Adams started singing out the first lines in his husky tone, you groaned. Fuck you, Spotify.

“I didn’t take you to be this sentimental” Neil eyed you closely, mirth betrayed by the barely contained laughter.

Using the weapon you have been hoarding for too long, you aimed to school your features before noticing:

“Well… wise man once told me that we’ve all got our weaknesses…” the meaningful gaze doing the job as Neil grinned.

“Very wise, indeed,” the self-satisfied expression only deepening.

Before you could perceive his movements, he closed the distance, took your hand in his, and placed the other palm on your shoulder blade. Following instincts you did not even know you had, you hastily put your hand on his bicep in the ballroom dance position you have seen on tv. What the hell.

“What are you doing?” question coming out breathless as you stumbled to fall into the correct steps following his lead.

Lead to a slow waltz, of all things.

“Using the opportunity,” Neil adjusted the pace, letting you feel the rhythm before continuing, “Haven’t you ever dreamt of waltzing with the love of your life in a glitzy ballroom?”

It was the nonchalance that caught you. The way he said it without a stutter. As though he has used the words before, perhaps in the quiet of his mind or in a conversation.

“Maybe I have,” forcing the doubts to shut up you chose the noncommittal answer for the moment.

Letting your eyes speak instead as you met his steady gaze. A flash of a gentle smile and a thumb tenderly stroking your shoulder blade. Calming down and grounding within the moment.

“I know I did,” the affirmation added to the mix, complete with the kiss on your forehead.

'Look into your heart – you will find

There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am, take my life

I would give it all, I would sacrifice'

Bryan Adams kept on crooning as you moved slowly across the room. The relatable meaning of the words sung out making you hide your head in the crook of Neil’s neck, disrupting the formality of your position. Turning the waltz into a slow dance by making Neil pull you closer. He tightened his hold, fingers carefully stroking your skin, the contact keeping up the spark alive. A few more slides across space, your feet following his without hesitation. The synchronization perfect in the matched tempo. It was surprisingly easy to find the right rhythm; perhaps the chemistry did its work in that aspect too.

It was only once the song has reached the guitar solo part that you have managed to break the comfortable silence with a comment:

“This is… nice,” the adjective being the only one you could come up with.

All the other words disappearing one by one, dissolved in the wave of feelings. Happiness, most of all. And love you never imagined existing, let alone to experience. Neil chuckled lowly, his chin resting comfortably on the top of your head.

“Mhmm… Remember how we’ve first met?” the question catching you off guard.

Enough to miss one step and earn a little ‘tsk’ from him.

“Of course, why?” the audacity of the assumption frustrating.

As if. Because even now, you sometimes found yourself reminiscing on that day. The conversation, seemingly innocent, and yet have led you to this point. To everything you did not even know you were missing but now could not live without.

“Even then… when we were chatting over the coffee, I was intrigued,” the wistfulness in Neil’s voice causing long-forgotten questions to resurface.

You have never discussed that day in detail. But maybe that would be the chance. Gathering up the courage, you waited until you have completed the spin around the room to admit:

“Me too… I’ve always wondered… what was it when you’ve eyed me and said I’ll pass the training without issues? Just flirting?” curiosity creeping into your voice.

Not going unnoticed and acknowledged with a thoughtful hum. That was another thing you have thought of. Back then, his gaze only increased the interest. Now, knowing it was not only you that had many impressions after the meeting, it was harder to ignore.

“That was one of the few times when I broke my own rules of looking at people objectively” the explanation given with the needed depth “I always try to be respectable… to see everyone for their minds rather than their bodies” unasked, your heart let out a painful thump in awe over him “But with you, I- I guess my fascination got ahead of me” sudden shyness surprising, causing you to disrupt the dance by freezing in the spot “I was right, in the end” Neil met your questioning gaze with an apologetic expression.

That alone vouching for a kiss and a reassuring squeeze of a hand. You gladly accepted an invitation back into his embrace and another slow dance. Spotify proving itself useful with the next song choice – ‘Forever Young’. By Alphaville, again.

Neil’s snicker was met with a glare on your side and a light step on his foot, for good measure. It took you another few seconds to let the doubts speak up again:

“Was that really enough for you to see me? That one afternoon?” once the questions started, there was no end to them in your mind.

“Yes,” no hesitation on his side “Trust me, I was surprised too, but with every passing day I was thinking about you more. And now I know why” a nuzzle to the top of your head before he asked, “What about you?” inquisitiveness almost hidden by the neutral tone.

Might as well show your hand. Laying a small kiss on the side of his neck, you began:

“I’m not sure… I was curious about you” an understatement but always something, “You seemed so different and charming, like no one I’ve ever met before. And obviously, I had to acknowledge that you’re handsome as hell but… then I saw you flirt with Anna, and I thought that you’re one of those” the admission coming out with the resigned edge you did not fully intend.

It was quickly extinguished with a spectacular dip and a pirouette that managed to knock the breath out of your lungs and the thoughts out of your brain. Nothing but Neil left. As usual.

“I see… mind you, I was flirting with her only because I didn’t know how to talk to you yet” he carried on the conversation without a hitch.

Interesting.

“Did it matter?” you raised your head to be able to see his face for this one.

As though he was expecting scrutiny, Neil met your gaze with a steady look and a confident smile.

“Surprisingly, yes. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” the intensity of the eye contact increasing.

The song starting to fade out amidst its 80s glory, the last of the synthesizer giving out its swan song with the needed cringe. Your dance slowing down to a small two-step, prolonging the moment a little longer.

“Which would be?” another question, because why the hell not.

Using your momentum, Neil slipped his fingers underneath the strap of your tank top, grin widening once he realised the lack of bra. The familiar sparks, making you wonder about wherever this was bound to lead you. About what could happen. A vague idea formed in your head, needing only closure to the chat.

“That I’m not serious,” Neil’s response bringing you back to the moment.

All the movement stopping, leaving you standing in an embrace in the middle of the space.

“Are you?” just a final test.

Even though you did not need an answer, everything that happened within the last days proving time and time again that he was in it hundred percent. That finally you have found the one.

“Very much so, my love” stepping out of the hold, Neil tipped your chin.

The depth of adoration in his gaze only bringing out fierce blush and the deepening softness threatening to make you melt on the spot from too many feelings and too much happiness coursing through your veins. Enough. For now.

You grinned at Neil as a means of accepting his answer and took a definitive step away from him, noticing the curious look on his face. Ignoring it for the moment, you quickly searched through the library to pick up something a little more appropriate. And less cringe. As you pressed play on the right playlist and faced Neil again, the smile you saw told you he had ideas towards your next suggestion:

“Do you want to join me for a little sparring?” you approached him slowly, the unexpected nerves making an appearance, “We’ve never done that together, and maybe… you can say no of course but-” as you faltered, the plan seemed to make less and less sense every passing second.

Because perhaps there was a reason why he never suggested it. Or perhaps, it was not something he would want to do with you, his girlfriend, of all people. Maybe-

“I’d love to,” the answering smile reassuring enough to let you know that all your issues have been noticed, “Don’t pull your punches just because it’s me” Neil closed the gap and took your hand in his with a wink.

There was no way of stopping that grin from appearing on your face. Tightening the hold over his hand, you made sure to put on the most intimidating expression in your arsenal.

“You wish, sunshine,” a kiss on the cheek just because, followed by a wink to tip off his mirroring smile.

Let the games begin or something. You watched as Neil took off the pullover, leaving him in the t-shirt, and joined you on the mat. The final thought was that this sort of activity could end in many ways. Some of them rather intriguing. However, all distractions had to be left behind if you were to win this one. Which was easier said than done, as you eyed your opponent, coming up with the strategy. Because of those damned blue eyes and fascinating body proportions that were hard to ignore, no matter the circumstances.

With the final nod, it began. You crossed the space to aim a kick at Neil’s shin, using the element of surprise and height difference. As you hit the mark, he let out a surprised yelp and glared at you offendedly. A giggle escaped your throat as you made sure to put up the guard, expecting retaliation to follow. And it did. A lighter kick in your ankle, and then an attempt at punch towards your shoulder. That one, thankfully blocked, with your rendition of the shooting daggers.

The sparring followed this rhythm for a couple of minutes, drenching your shirt with sweat and increasing the adrenaline with every move. As it proved, Neil was an excellent partner for that too. Your dynamic working perfectly as you bounced off the different techniques and styles, learning from each other in progress. Soon it became a matter of prediction, of staring at him intently to determine the very next step and to block it efficiently. A few mistakes resulted in bruises here and there, but it was nothing compared to the elation flowing through your veins. The occasional compliments and teases interrupted the flow, bringing out more feelings than you ever deemed possible to exist. At once. Joy, excitement, fatigue, and desire slowly combining into the strangest mix inside your head.

Because one thing was certain – it was increasingly difficult to ignore the way it felt when Neil got close. His strong arms, usually acting as your refuge, now a barrier you had to get through to win this battle. The closeness intoxicating as you tried to wrestle out of his hold, imposed by using the moment of hesitation on your side. But then who was to blame you for getting lost in his eyes? Again. With his chest pressed against your back and the forearms blocking any form of movement, you decided to put it all on the card of fate, hooking your leg around his in an attempt at a backflip taught by Ives. That was another fatal mistake.

You only realised how badly you have fucked up when you opened your eyes to see Neil peering down at you with the most annoying of grins painted on his face. Eyes sparkling with satisfaction that certainly should not be there. Shit. He got you pinned to the mat with hands trapping you underneath him. Not much space between your bodies. A fierce blush bloomed on your cheeks; embarrassment combined with sudden arousal once the exact placement of your limbs sunk in. The earlier misstep resulted in having your legs wound tightly around his waist and crossed over the back. Just like-

“This position is rather… familiar” the husky whisper broke through the sudden onset of feelings and thoughts as you met his gaze.

The darkness of the irises and the boundless depths of desire you found there providing the missing piece in the puzzle. The heat turning up a notch. Unable to break the eye contact, you watched in fascination as Neil seemed to consume you on the spot. His pupils widened, betraying the feelings reigning free over his mind as he contemplated the very next move. Frozen, you could only wait helplessly, feeling the well-known tension rise, causing havoc in your head. Still, what he chose to do next, caught you off guard.

He leaned in and captured your lips in an eager kiss, easily stealing away the breath and distracting you from anything else in the whole world. As you opened your mouth for him without hesitation, Neil used the moment to strike. His tongue caressed yours in exact opposition to the way his hips jutted forward, creating friction. The surprising ploy, drawing out a gasp and making you break the kiss with a telling hiss. The answering mischievous smirk the only warning before he did it again, rocking his body forward against yours, upping up the temperature, and making the warmth pool in your lower stomach instantly. The wetness, collecting on your underwear and sticking to the skin in an impulse you could not control.

“Jesus, Neil- You can’t just-” frustration poured out in incoherent sentences as you fought for sanity.

He, naturally, took that as the cue to up his game. The deadly smile was the last thing you saw before he bowed down, tongue darting out to lick down your neck and then cover the space with kisses. A groan escaped through your lips as you grabbed onto his biceps in search of support. A logical part of the brain told you to stop the madness (and drag him to your room to continue), but that voice could be barely heard through the overwhelming haze. More kisses, teeth grazing over the skin, hands slipping underneath your top, and using the lack of bra to cause more drama.

The added touch onto your breasts was what defeated the sanity and caused you to roll your hips against his, matching up the tempo in the frantic attempts at getting something out of it.

“Fuck” heaving out the curse, you could not stop the moan caused by Neil sucking on your pulse point below the ear.

All the reasons against continuing something this good disappeared one by one. The synced-up movement, making you breathless within seconds. The arousal, seeping through the underwear, only increasing with the way you could feel Neil react to it as well. The telling signs of his lust rubbing off against your crotch upon every thrust. Getting ever harder to ignore with sounds breaking up the forgotten sparring soundtrack.

“That good?” Neil’s question dripping with need as he rasped out the words upon your hungry kiss stolen in the moment of eagerness.

No point in holding back now. Grasping onto his chin to stop him from distracting you with yet another trick, you made sure to show the extent of want raging in your veins:

“It would be without all the bloody clothes in the way” piecing the sentence, you huffed with dissatisfaction.

Because after something like this, you wanted him. No, needed him. Anything to finally release the tension and catch the high. Because, as you began to discover, it was too easy to get addicted to him. To the pleasure, he always seemed happy to give you. To being wanted and needed like never before.

Even now, Neil seemed entranced, eyes searching your face for something. Whatever he needed, you delivered with the want in the unguarded look, for he grinned and nudged your nose with his.

“I like seeing you this needy, darling” choosing no mercy whatsoever he stole yet another hungry kiss.

All the while keeping up the friction. As if you could ignore the feelings building up for a minute longer.

Using the opportunity, you caught his bottom lip between your teeth and tugged at it with force. Drawing out blood and groans. A punishment. To strengthen the effect, you made sure to tangle your fingers in his hair, imposing light pressure. Enough to make him suffer a little more, but not as bad as to make him more predatory. That was another thing learned in the past days. You were right Neil had a hair thing. And using it right could work to your advantage. With satisfaction, you broke the kiss and watched as he opened his eyes, unfocused gaze and shallow breaths giving the needed bravery.

“Bastard,” you whispered and used his moment of hesitation to initiate the retaliation.

The answering smug smile giving more reasons to push on with the plan. With the full attention provided, you slowly licked your lips. A trick that always worked, making Neil stare with that same look of starvation hidden in his eyes. It was the confidence you were seeking to hook your leg around his and find the impetus to complete the switch in one smooth attempt.

It worked. You comfortably straddled his lap, pinning him to the floor. Only a shocked gasp told you he caught up with the change. You met his gaze smugly, using the new position to run your fingers up and down his chest, light teasing included in the act of vengeance. The answering groan more than gratifying, making you even happier to give him the taste of his own medicine and roll your hips forward.

“I like this new development,” Neil breathed out the comment, hands settling on your hips, “You know what, though? I’d love to see you snap one day. Get annoyed by my antics and punish me” it was the way he said it that made you freeze with one hand already underneath his shirt.

As though it was exactly what he wanted. Interesting…

“Is that what you’re into?” arching one eyebrow, you trailed your nails over the skin on his chest.

Watching the goosebumps with fascination. The light bruises on the sides reminding you of the morning the day prior and the sudden passion that resulted in marks all over your bodies.

“I’m into you, but yes,” Neil observed you with strange pensiveness, “Even a man like me needs to be dominated from time to time,” the challenge in his eyes already inspiring scenarios within your mind.

“That can be sorted then” you winked and used that moment to stand up, leaving him on the floor with mouth open wide.

Perfect. Grinning, you brushed off the dust from your clothes and strode over to the speaker, ignoring Neil pointedly. Only an exasperated sigh told you he managed to pick himself up. Using the towel, you wiped off the remains of sweat from your brow and turned back to him with a neutral expression:

“I’ll go shower,” you quickly eyed him, taking in the ruffled hair and flushed cheeks, “I’d ask you to join me… but I don’t want to traumatise anyone using the communal bathroom for that” a meaningful look making sure he understood.

The slight double-take all the needed confirmation. Neil swallowed hard, as though the suggestion was enough to make the images appear before his eyes. But then he flashed you a confident smile.

“Fret not once we’re back home, we’ll catch up on that. I’ve got that spacious shower for a reason,” a tiny shrug as though to make you remember.

Right. Another thing to add to the bucket list, no doubt. However, for now, you were not done with the taunting. He did deserve it.

“I see… do you often use it for those kinds of purposes?” draping the towel around your neck, you strolled towards him with an inquisitive look.

Another shrug. Hands reaching out to be placed on your waist and to draw you closer, keeping that one metre of space just for show. His eyes searched yours with feigned nonchalance before responding:

“Not really. But with you, I want to change that up a little. After all, I’ve got to convince you that having sex with you is wonderful,” followed with a nose nudge and a smirk.

For once, there was no shyness. Mirroring his moves, you put your hands on his sides, thumbs slowly stroking the hipbones, pulling him closer. Once your bodies were flush against each other, you grinned:

“Mutually” and then, upon noticing the well-known beat coming from the speaker, “One might even say you’ve brought the sexy back” a wink, using the lack of inhibitions in the air.

The answering gaping mouth and eyes widened in shock were good enough indicators that whatever this mood was, it should continue. After a second of confusion, Neil started laughing hysterically, collapsing against you with ease:

“… Jesus Christ,” he choked out the words, drawing you into a skewed hug if only to preserve the closeness.

The sudden outburst of happiness was not controllable even if you wanted. Giggling quietly, you waited for him to calm down, running your fingers up his back in a soothing manner. Once his laughs eased, you whispered:

“Sorry, blame that on JT” an apologetic shrug followed with a chaste kiss pressed to his temple.

The cheerful sparks in his eyes, telling all you could need to know. Thanks, universe.

“No, I love it” Neil’s words brought you back to the present moment as he took your hands in his “I love you,” the sincere confession breaking up the ridiculous atmosphere with tenderness.

“You better” your smile widened as you squeezed his hands in a non-verbal response.

It was only once you were heading out of the room, after at least three passionate kisses and some more infatuated gazing, that Neil chose to pick up the abandoned line of teasing.

“Make sure to think of me during your shower” you turned around, mouth open wide “For inspiration. I’ll be waiting” there was no mistaking the look in his eyes or the intentions behind it.

There was nothing left to do but walk out with cheeks burning red and head too empty to do anything but what he proposed.

For a good purpose, as the afternoon then showed you.

***

With the night falling on the last day before the fourteenth and the battle, you could feel the internal darkness creeping with every passing hour. By the early bedtime, there was nowhere to hide. Laying on the bed and waiting for Neil to come back from his shower, you could do nothing but stare at the ceiling blankly. Thousands of worries, questions, and scenarios multiplying in your head, threatening to steal away the remains of peace. It felt as though the curtain has fallen over your blissful days, leaving nothing but uncertainty. Because God knows what would happen at Stalsk. The plan was one thing, perfect execution - a different one.

With lungs failing to expand properly you considered getting up and marching outside to let the cold air give you something else to worry about. That is when the door to your cabin finally opened, and Neil walked in. A sight for sore eyes personified. Mindless of your struggles, he sent you a smile before placing the morning outfit on the chair. It became a ritual of sorts, with him bringing back the change of clothes to prolong the waking up period and stay in bed with you. Despite the anxiety rising exponentially, you could not help but smile at the tradition upheld on the eve of the battle. You watched in silence as he took off trousers and placed his phone on the bedside table. It was only once he sat down on the bed and faced you with fondness in his eyes that you knew the act of staring has been caught.

“Alright?” Neil reached out and tipped your chin to make sure you could not hide.

Gently his fingers caressed your jaw and down the neck, soothing the nerves and asserting his presence. You leaned into his touch and whispered the white lie:

“Yeah…” desperate to extend the bliss even a second longer, you joked lightly, “Was beginning to worry you’ve decided to ditch me tonight” shifting forward, you rested your forehead against his.

Closing your eyes and letting the feeling of being wanted envelope you in its sweet embrace.

“You wish,” the tint of joy in his voice adding on to the perfection of the moment, “There’s no getting rid of me that easily” Neil tucked the hair behind your ear, stroking your temple slowly in the process.

It felt almost unreal to have someone love you like that. So carefully, yet with a passion that did not seem to wane. The only thing left was to believe it. And let your feelings lead the way. You opened your eyes to find Neil staring back with the softest of smiles gracing his features. That was enough to whisper back the answer:

“What a shame,” and capture his lips in a hungry kiss.

Knowing the moves by heart, you have tangled your fingers in his hair and opened the mouth to deepen the kiss. It was always too simple, an act of devotion and a drug you could not imagine giving up. Each brush of his tongue against yours bringing sparks of electricity and pleasure, a promise of so much more only waiting to be taken.

Without breaking up the contact, you shifted to lie on top of Neil, stealing small pecks interrupted with smiles and sighs. Not knowing what bliss feels like, you assumed it must be like this. Because nothing seemed to come close to the feeling of being loved and wanted by him. To feeling the steady heartbeat as you pressed up against him in the closest of embraces. To having him grin against your mouth, interrupting the kisses with happy giggles, and stroking your back underneath the shirt in a simple act of tenderness.

It was once you felt his touch tread onto that well-known territory bridging the line between want and intimacy that you leaned back to meet his gaze. Slight confusion found in the blue eyes as you fell back onto your side and took his hand in yours:

“Can we… not do this tonight?” the tentative whisper broke the silence as your nerves spoke up again.

Because despite never having enough of Neil, tonight you wanted something innocent. Something easy. Asking for it felt almost wrong as if it could be too much. With the countless worries anchoring within your mind, you focused all your attention on studying his hand attentively. The thin scars scattered across the skin. Neatly trimmed fingernails and elegant fingers betraying the sensitive nature of the man you loved without any inhibitions. Neil as always noticed the sudden shyness, for he kissed you on the forehead before answering:

“Of course,” the affirmation given without a stutter, as he retracted his palm from underneath your clothes, “What do you need?” with the free hand cupping your cheek, he forced you to meet his gaze again.

Concern and affection. All the needed encouragement to speak your mind. To reach out for everything he wanted to give you.

“Hold me, please,” forcing out an uncertain smile, you wound your arms around his waist, snuggling in to find the perfect position.

But it was not enough.

“How do you want me?” the question asked with the glimmer in his eyes that told you he remembered the night from London.

Months ago, while also something that has not happened yet. Linearly, that is.

“Closer” this time, the answer could not have been simpler.

Neil accepted it with a hint of a smug smile as he pulled you close. Spreading his legs for yours to fit in-between. Hips flush against each other, heartbeat synced. Hands clinging to the warmth of your skin, his lips pressed against your temple. No inch of space left. Exactly as you needed.

With the brain strangely quiet, you breathed in his scent, letting the reality catch up. Yours. The soothing warmth of the embrace and solidity of his body underneath your fingertips making you feel safe. Even if only for the moment.

A short moment? Prompted by the harsh reminder of time running out mercilessly, you tensed and splayed your hand over his heart. A clear signal for Neil to tighten the hold and nuzzle your temple. Waiting for the words to come spilling out of your heart.

And they did.

“I- There’s so much goddamn noise in my head, and it’s beginning to drive me mad” after finishing the sentence breathlessly, you hid your face in the crook of his neck.

Smelling the bergamot and hints of your perfume, increasing the love held within your system. Following the instincts, Neil started running his fingertips up the curve of your spine, giving you something to focus on. The steadiness of the movement grounding you back in the present.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” the soft tone melting the edges of sharp blades penetrating your mind with anxiety, “I can’t stop the thoughts, but I’ll make sure you know I’m not going anywhere,” confirming the meaning, he took hold of your hand lying on his chest and laced the fingers.

Another way of showing support. Of letting you believe your luck. Nothing left but to press a kiss to his neck and whisper:

“Thank you… We’ll be alright, won’t we?” the question forcing itself on your tongue.

Because it was all that mattered. For you and Neil to survive. To have time to love each other. But… tomorrow is promised to no one. The counterarguments preparing to strike with force as they assembled at the bottom of your heart. You could die tomorrow. That was a fact, as true as the knowledge that the world could end. The bomb could go off. This could be the last moment of peace you would have. And there was no way of knowing whether it was. The fear creeping in with nothing to stop it.

“I hope so,” as though sensing the growing unease, Neil raised your joined hands to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

You need not look at him to know what you would find in his beautiful eyes. It was the knowledge of feelings reciprocated that gave you the courage to speak the truth. To reassert what he already knew. Just because it could be the last time.

“Earlier today, after we’ve… I’ve realised that… I’ve never been more in love,” stumbling through the sentence, you whispered the confession against his skin, “And I don’t want it to end” a deep breath to gain back the momentum “I need you, Neil. You’re everything I have…” you faltered, feeling tears blur the edges of your vision.

As if your heart knew something you did not. As if being this vulnerable was the trigger you were seeking. There was much more you could tell him, but no words were found for it. Instead, you felt the embrace tighten as Neil kissed the tip of your ear tenderly.

“We’ll be alright, my love,” the endearment getting lost in the quietest of sniffles “I’ll make sure of it” he hesitated, the edge of your breakdown impacting him too with the emotions betrayed in every syllable, “And I don’t know if it needs saying, but… You’re my everything too. I’m not going to give up on us,” the definitive promise offering all the strength for you to raise your head.

Tears shining in your eyes as your gazes met. Worth fighting for.

***

The feeling of safety gave way to worries not longer than an hour after you finally gave in to sleep. Gasping, you opened your eyes in a flash after a particularly terrifying and confusing nightmare full of inverted rounds and ticking bombs. Blindly you rolled over to the side where you would usually find Neil, only for your hands to clutch at nothingness. Shit. The realization working better than any alarm clock as you sat up and turned on the lamp.

Empty room. Darkness outside. Neil’s phone left by the bed. Next to it a piece of paper torn out of a notebook:

“Couldn’t sleep. Find me on the bridge if you need me. Yours, N.”

The initial tugged on your heartstrings as you quickly made up your mind. It was only past one. And there was hardly any chance of going to sleep now. Without him by your side and with the brain haunted by terrifying dreams. You stood up and quickly got dressed in the hoodie he left the day before and joggers.

The moment you stepped outside the cabin corridor, the silence and cold hit you with their starkness. Usually, at this hour, the icebreaker would be alive with the sounds of the crew and troops getting ready for the night. There would be groups chatting in the mess or the galley. Soldiers catching late-night sparring sessions or betting on who would get more bullseye shots at the shooting range. Not tonight, though.

Without stumbling upon a single soul, you walked over to the bridge. Cold hands clutched together in the hoodie pocket. Untangling only to deal with the zip by the airlock.

Once you crossed the threshold, you knew you were in the right place. The silence finally interrupted with voices. Most importantly, with the sound of Neil explaining something in those soft tones that always brought you peace. The darkness of the room enlightened by the single fluorescent above the empty table. Kat was sat in the chair opposite him, focused on what he was saying. As you took off the oxygen mask with a quiet sigh, they both turned to you. Neil brightened up in a flash, a soft smile lightening up his face as he reached out for your hand. You sent Kat a shy nod as you let your boyfriend pull you down onto the sofa:

“Hello,” she grinned, giving you both a satisfied once-over.

The echo of the conversation you had the day before ringing out in the spaces between words. Nothing left but to relax into the pillows and give them both an apologetic shrug:

“Hi… Hope I’m not interrupting” you watched as they shared an amused look, followed by Kat getting up to make tea.

You knew instantly what this was. A moment of privacy.

“Never” Neil’s voice made you turn to him only to see the affection pouring out from his gaze.

Gently he took hold of your ice-cold hands and warmed them up between his palms with care. It was too easy to feel the love fill your chest again. As if switched back on whenever Neil was nearby. Somehow the darkness felt less frightening with him by your side. After a beat, you answered the unasked question:

“I woke up without you, and…” trailing off, you looked at Kat pouring water from the kettle into the mugs.

She seemed entirely focused on the task, mindless of your conversation. Using the encouragement, you moved closer to Neil and captured his lips in a quick kiss. He responded instantly, placing his hand on your cheek to draw you nearer and take whatever you wanted to give him. This time, because of company, the contact ended in a happy sigh a few seconds later as you pressed your forehead against his for a moment. Just enough to share a look of love and a shy grin. Hearing the unmistakable sound of teaspoon clanking in the mug, you leaned back, away from him yet keeping your hands locked in the space between you on the sofa.

“Sorry. I couldn’t fall asleep and didn’t want to wake you. So, I came here and stumbled upon Kat,” Neil explained, breaking the silence and acknowledging the other woman with a sympathetic nod.

Using that line as her cue to turn back to you, Kat handed you both warm mugs. Only a grateful grin could be given before you took a sip and let the tea melt the remains of ice that settled in your chest. With the comfortable silence setting in, you asked:

“Nerves?” giving the woman a quick once over, it was easy to determine that she too has been struggling with the night-time demons.

The shadows under her eyes, hands clutching tightly at the mug as if to find comfort in the warmth it provided. Making you appreciate the hand holding yours even more than you deemed possible.

“Yeah,” Kat swallowed hard, her gaze focusing on the darkness outside “Suppose it’s nothing for you, in a business like this but… I’ve never had to deal with a world-ending situation. Let alone have it depend on me. Partially” she finished the confession with eyebrows knitted together.

“In truth… neither did I” Neil leaned forward, the sombre look in his eyes settling on Kat, “Sure there were some missions of a bigger caliber than a few boxes of inverted artillery smuggled across Scotland… but nothing exactly like this” hiding grin caused by his answer, you took a longer sip of tea.

There was something incredibly true about him at this moment. Discussing the topics of deadly nature yet adding jokes and anecdotes to keep you all that one step away from despair. Tightening the hold over his hand, you added:

“The grand plan,” murmuring the words you once heard TP say, you reflected, “I bet my uni professors would never quite believe it if I told them that this is where international relations got me” feeling Neil’s gaze, you turned to look at him.

A crooked smile and hair falling into his eyes. Perfection.

“More like fate,” he countered, thumb running over your knuckles absentmindedly.

Biting down on your lip to stop yourself from grinning too widely, you nodded:

“That too,” or I’d like to believe it is.

After a beat, you both faced Kat again, only to encounter her knowing smile, curling the lips with a sharp edge of steel. Then her expression softened as though realising the reality once again.

“Are you scared? Of having to do this… together?” it was the hesitancy that helped you understand the meaning.

You knew Neil caught up too, for her moved an inch closer. Shoulder to shoulder, knees touching. No unnecessary gaps. Together. Just when you thought of answering her question, Neil cleared his throat:

“A little… It’s like… on the one hand, I’m glad we’ll be on the same team, as then I can keep an eye on you” he gave you a little shoulder bump as if to accentuate the addressee, “But then I’ve always been warned about being emotionally compromised during missions. Trouble is I’ve been compromised like that for months, at least” an apologetic shrug to complete the sentence.

He was not even looking at you. Yet, it was too easy to understand what he meant. An excuse for the warmth to settle in your heart again. Months. More reasons to keep fighting for the future.

“Sorry,” returning the nudge, you frowned, “On my side, ever since you came up with this idiotic idea to deal with the lock, I knew I’d follow. Because there’s no way in hell, I’d let you do it alone. But, as you say, the element of emotional compromise is there. God knows I’m terrified of whatever might happen,” the ramblings only stopping because you have run out of breath, “It’s like… when you’re young, and you want to change the world. Sometimes you even begin to believe that it’s going to be your purpose. To be the hero and save the day. But most people grow out of that and never even get the chance” ending the observation, you noticed the two pairs of eyes focused on you.

Kat’s light blue gaze, staring wistfully, nothing but understanding and melancholy. As if whatever you said triggered something deep within the confines of her heart. As if she was grateful.

Neil looked as though he could not quite believe you existed. As though your words made him fall even harder. And then he shook himself awake again, clutching your hand tightly.

“But we do” he nodded lightly, offering support should you need it.

Letting you know that the fate of the world was not only on your shoulders. We. That pronoun again. In response, you could only give back the voice to those things that you still wanted to share with them:

“Yes, exactly. And the child that still occupies parts of my heart… she’s excited to be the hero. While grown-up me is just terrified of the stakes” staring at the dark horizon, you noticed quietly, “Never did I dream of saving the world from an inverted atomic bomb-”

“-Well, actually-” Neil interjected with his picture-perfect, MA in Physics tone, making you roll your eyes affectionately.

Idiot. You exchanged an exasperated grin with Kat before stopping him from starting up a lecture about the details of the Algorithm with a hand clamped over his mouth.

“Shut up, mister smarty-pants” your smile widened at the shocked look in his eyes before you lifted your hand and continued, “But at the same time it makes sense… sort of” faltering, you looked around the space looking for something else to say.

“I know what you mean. I never expected any of this to happen to me, but now that it did… I guess I should’ve seen it coming” Kat had your back, agreeing with your words with the same sense of apprehension in her voice.

It was easy to tell what she meant. The guilt entirely unnecessary yet unavoidable for someone this good. Your need of protest got cut short by Neil:

“Kat, don’t blame yourself for not knowing what Andrei is doing. None of that is your fault” upon her pained look he gave her a reassuring smile to confirm the sentiment.

“It’s easier said than done… but thank you” she offered him a weak attempt at a smile and then looked at you with sparks in her eyes, “You got yourself quite the catch there,” a tiny nod in the direction of the blonde man.

Indeed. Unable to stop the happiness rising in your chest, you countered her look with a smug grin of your own:

“I know” ignoring the blush spreading across Neil’s cheeks, you patted him on the head, “He’s incredible,” an appreciative look at your boyfriend and the free hand placed on his knee.

That woke him up.

“He? I’ve got a name, you know,” the feigned spitefulness making a giggle rise in your throat.

Neil glared at you, the act only betrayed by the very way the corner of his mouth curled up, disrupting the frown. Forcing a poker face, you chose to just go for it:

“Yes, and it sounds as though you were English pensioner spending days playing bingo on Malta,” the slight delivered perfectly.

Gratification instantaneous, with Kat laughing hysterically in the background as you observed Neil’s reaction. He froze mid inhale, eyes widened, showing nothing but confusion. And then his mouth opened to choke out:

“…what the-” before he could get to the expletive of choice, the sound of the zip lock interrupted him with abruptness.

Before either of you turned to check who the newcomer was, you met Neil’s bewildered gaze and shrugged. Squeezing his knee as addition and lifting your hand to make the position a little bit more neutral.

“I see it’s not just me who can’t sleep” Wheeler’s voice ringing out in the room made you turn to look at her.

Stood by the entrance, she gave you all an assessing look. Somehow her appearance felt right. Another grounding voice against the rising unease and panic. Someone to pull you back down from the anxious high horse.

“No rest for the wicked” Neil seemingly got over the previous paralysis, for he offered the woman his best rendition of a devilish smirk and threw his arm over the back of the sofa.

Hand landing perfectly by your shoulder. Simple intimacy.

“What’s on the agenda?” Wheeler strolled across the room to sit on the chair by the table.

Dark gaze nonchalantly slipping over the two of you on the sofa. She was never the one to comment on what she observed, but the way she looked at you was enough. The label was painted in the cheeky smile, hidden in the corner of her mouth. Lovebirds. Somehow you knew that at some point, you would be cornered and made to tell the story with necessary details. If only so that she would have digs in the arsenal of sarcasm at a ready. Ignoring the desire to run away, you answered the question:

“Mostly discussing how strange it all is. You know, us of all people, getting a chance to be the heroes” sensing the apprehension rise again, you added, “I feel like if they knew their fate is down to us… they’d be terrified,” a chill running up your spine.

Suddenly uncomfortable, you inched closer to Neil, using his raised arm to lean into his side and find solace. He understood the intent in a second and pulled you nearer, shooting you a quick concerned look. Questions were no doubt coming after.

“And I wouldn’t blame them,” Wheeler agreed with your grave statement with the usual pensiveness, “Normally I don’t get this jittery before missions… but this one feels more important” she stared at the horizon, lost in thought.

With the anxious thoughts waiting around the corner, you searched your head for anything to light up the mood. A stupid joke or a snide comment. But there was nothing.

“Like something could go wrong?” Kat interrupted your train of thought with the simple question.

Alarmed, you looked up to notice the two women exchange a tense look. It really could go wrong. The worst type of wrong.

Neil sensed the way you stiffened, for he pressed his lips to your temple and gave you a quick kiss. His hand tightened the hold over yours, increasing the feeling of being protected. Got you. As always.

You barely noticed when the airlock opened again. Or when another person walked into the room and took off the oxygen mask.

“What’s all this then?” Ives looked around with the eyebrow raised pointedly.

With the whirlwind of emotions, the only thing left to do was to plant your face in your palms, groaning loudly. What the fuck.

Feeling the questioning gazes of everybody else, you slowly raised your head and asked the soldier with blatant tone:

“Could you be any more British?” a mirrored arched eyebrow for the additional effect.

Maybe he was the distraction you needed. The final piece in the puzzle.

No bullshit taken as Ives grinned and gave you the showpiece bow borrowed from The Crown.

“Top of the morning to you, luv” straightening, he raised his hand to tip off the invisible top hat.

The snicker coming from Neil was the only response you ever needed as you rolled your eyes and hid your face in his chest. No point in pretending.

“Couldn’t sleep?” stroking your back slowly, Neil asked the question.

You appreciated how he accepted your sudden need to be comforted. With the careful touch running up your spine, gently scratching the skin, your thoughts slowed down to an acceptable white noise.

“Yeah. The bunk beds are fucking awful, and I’ve no one to cuddle me” it was the neutral way he said it that made you break out into a violent laugh.

The kind when it is increasingly harder to catch your breath, yet the lightness permeating the chest makes everything worth the aching diaphragm and tears running down the cheeks. You heard Kat follow suit, the light giggles bringing hope you wished to find in the darkness of the night.

“Sorry mate, I’m taken,” Neil shrugged, gesturing towards you.

From the comfortable position, you could make out the smirk on Ives’s face as he threw the remark:

“Traitor,” he sat down on one of the empty chairs and noticed, “Anna will be heartbroken, mind you” a passing glance at the two of you snuggled on the sofa.

At the reminder of the receptionist, you sighed heavily. Because yeah, sure, there was nothing to regret in the best turn your life could have taken. But spiteful looks and cold treatment from Anna were not on the list of things you wanted to keep on experiencing.

As if following your line of thoughts, Neil waved his hand dismissively:

“Oh, she’ll get over it,” you grinned at the hint of irritation in his voice, “Plus, it’s not like I’ve ever promised her anything… Not my fault this one came along and stole my heart,” placing his palm on your thigh, he gave you a loud smack on the forehead.

You raised your head in time to see Ives look as if he was close to getting sick on the floor. For once, you could not blame him.

“Dramatic much,” glaring at Neil, you bopped him on the nose with a poker face.

The only sign he noticed was the deepening state of perplexion visible in his blue eyes.

“Who’s Anna?” Kat’s innocent question was the one to throw you out of the strangest conversation and back into the present moment.

Exchanging a glance with Neil, who shrugged as though permitting you to share the tale, you began. Right where it started for you, with the flirting over the admission papers on that first afternoon. Omitting the more private details of your story, and with Neil’s help with the background, you have managed to entertain her with the account of all things Anna. By the end, Kat was looking at you both with eyes wide and cheeks wet from laughing.

It only got better with Ives and Wheeler contributing to the discussion with tales from the past and anecdotes of their missions long before you came into the picture.

When the silence finally fell again, it was less charged with tension. Sipping a second cup of tea, you rested your head over Neil’s chest, comfortably curled up and content.

“What do you want to do after this?” Wheeler asked the question after a beat with a smile on her face.

Nothing needed clarification. An attempt at making the morning seem less daunting. A spark of hope for after – the magical space where you desperately wished to find yourself already.

“Go to a pub and get pissed” Ives grinned from over the rim of his mug, devilish sparks lightening up his blue eyes.

Too tired to react, you chose to sigh heavily and catch Wheeler’s bemused glare as she scoffed:

“How typical” she rolled her eyes and smiled at you as though sharing a private joke.

Men.

“I was planning to invite you along, but now I’m not so sure” the solder cut back with a feigned sulk.

“I’d rather catch up on all those missed boxing classes,” the retort coming without a second missed, causing a giggle to rise in your throat.

Who knew team banter would be the cure for all ails?

That and the steady embrace, holding you close with hands resting on your knee and waist. Letting you know that no matter the future, he was there. All yours.

“Boring,” Ives murmured the response lowly, earning shooting daggers from his second in command.

You felt Neil chuckle as he rested his chin on the top of your head, observing the conversation silently. Your eyes fell upon Kat, a little separated from the idiotic narrative that overwhelmed the four of you. Suddenly feeling a wave of sympathy towards her, you asked:

“What about you, Kat?” as your eyes met, you sent her a small smile.

“I want to go home to Max and finally live my life without that fear of Andrei lurking in the shadows behind my back,” the candid answer whispered almost shyly, “Sorry, I’ve made it all dark-” she added, looking at the rest of you with panic.

Before you could jump in with reassurance, Ives spoke up:

“It’s alright,” he countered her embarrassed look with a stone-cold resilience, “I offer to shoot that fucker on sight if he somehow comes out of this alive” a shrug to complete the proposal.

The genuine grin on Kat’s face was unmissable.

“Appreciated” she nodded curtly as if to mask the initial reaction.

Before you could ponder on it for too long, Wheeler broke the silence again:

“Neil?” her gaze slipped over you once again, the smirk still hiding on her lips.

You felt him raise his head, tightening the hold over your waist as if it was necessary. And then…

“What I want to do is between me and my girlfriend,” the cheeky undertone making you blush instantly and slap him across the knee in an ill-fated attempt at chiding.

That spark of curiosity not easily diminished, however. You made a mental note to ask him as soon as you were alone what that meant. Because, admittedly, doing things with Neil was the height of your wishes too. And most of those were best kept private.

“Thank fuck”

Ives’s candid reply brought you back to the moment in time to hear Neil add:

“-But… I just want to go on holiday. Spend at least a week without stress and the weight of the whole world on my back. And maybe visit my parents… it’s been way too long” the melancholic tone did not get unnoticed despite the panic that crept up your spine.

Following the basic instincts, you lurched forward to be able to look at him. There was no mistaking that confident expression.

“Should I begin to worry? Because ‘meeting the parents’ sounds… official,” you whispered the word with apprehension.

Yes, that sort of thing was probably expected, given how serious he was. But still. The fear of making an idiot out of yourself in front of Neil’s family enough to trigger the anxiety once more. Somehow it sounded worse than dying in the Siberian shithole tomorrow.

With the tense silence that fell, you could almost hear the way the rest of those present were staring at the two of you with curiosity.

“We are official” Neil reached out to brush away the hair falling into your eyes, “We’ll talk about it later. After,” the soft smile administered perfectly, cutting through your worries in an instant.

Maybe you could survive it. Maybe.

“So… Y/N?” at the mention of your name, you looked up at Wheeler.

Right. Diplomatic, subdued answer it is.Somehow it got easier to find the words with Neil’s hand resting on your knee again.

“Holidays would be nice, certainly” stealing a glance at your boyfriend, you exchanged an excited grin, “And maybe some time to walk around London, appreciate life… I don’t know I think I miss the mundanity. Getting coffee on my way to the lecture; visiting random shops and browsing the shelves just because I could. No inverted bullets, no timey wimey bullshit” with the spite thrown in, you left out a long exhale.

That life seemed so far away now. Almost like something out of a dream, rather than your reality before Neil and Tenet. While you would never wish for anything but your current circumstances, sometimes you missed the normality. The lack of danger waiting upon every corner. No necessity to consider fatal sacrifice in the name of love. Normalcy.

“Think you two have travel agency visit booked,” Wheeler commented, looking between you and Neil with a knowing smile on her lips.

Using the most basic of gravitational pulls, you turned to face Neil with a hopeful look. With how close you were seating, only inches of space left between your faces. Despite the tiredness and insomnia, he was utterly stunning, taking your breath away within seconds. A part of your brain wanted nothing but to press your lips against his, mindless of the audience. As though using the same wavelength, Neil glanced at your mouth for a split second, causing a resurgence of butterflies in your stomach. They never seemed to get a rest anymore. Sharing one last long look, you nodded at the unasked question and awaited his response:

“Mhmm… I like the sound of that” another happy grin and a hand grasping yours tightly, “But now, I think we should try sleeping” stifling a yawn, he finished the tea and stood up to wash the mugs.

Using the slightly awkward silence, you jumped up from the sofa and sent the rest of the group a grateful grin:

“Thanks for this… whatever this was” shrugging lightly, you felt a wave of gratitude fill your chest with warmth.

Suddenly the morning felt a little less terrifying. Perhaps for once, you did belong. For once, you were not alone.

“Always up for chatting shit on the eve of the battle” with the bemused smirk on his face, Ives got up and gave you a quick pat on the back.

You only registered that Neil was back by your side when he placed his arm over your shoulder protectively:

“One could even say… that the real treasure is the friends we made along the way” it was the casual way he said it that made you look at him incredulously.

“Is that… Disney?” with your eyebrows knitted together, you tried to find remains of coherence.

Again: what the fuck.

“Maybe,” shrugging, Neil grinned at Ives as if nothing happened.

“Are you regretting your life choices?” the soldier ignored him and stared at you without a shadow of emotion discernible.

With the overwhelming tiredness and brain cells dying one by one, it was easy to choose.

“Maybe,” parroting Neil, you grabbed his hand “You, with me” without protest, you steered him towards the exit, “Think you need rest,”

Just before you could zip up the airlock after the two of you, Ives’ comment broke the silence:

“Take care of each other out there. I want to get an invitation to that wedding” he shot you a serious look, hiding the concern evident in the blue eyes.

Biting harshly on your lip to prevent the sudden need to run back in there and hug him, you raised your hand in mock salute:

“Yes, sir,” a final nod of understanding before you closed the door.

It would be alright. It had to.

#tenet #tenet fanfic #neil tenet #neil x reader #neil tenet x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

[thefanficmonster]

There You Are

PART 2: ‘Finally, You’re Back’

Karl Heisenberg x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mild spoilers for Resident Evil 8:Village, Swearing

Genre: Romance, Mild Angst

Summary: It’s the life before the nightmare. It’s the breath of fresh air before the pollution. The sunshine before the storm. And there they are, standing in the warmth of a sunny spring day in that Romanian village, their meeting coincidental yet fated at the same time.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! I’m sorry for the long wait but here it finally is - you request turned into a fic! Also, big thanks to that other Anon who gave me the idea of modifying the fic in a way where it’s now gonna be a two-parter, a sort of the before the nightmare and the aftermath of Heisenberg’s turning. Regardless, I hope you enjoy the read. Love, Vy ❤

Because one is incapable of expecting the unexpected One can never see what the future may hold One can never know what storms await One can never fully prepare And neither did he Because he could’ve never guessed Never known He could only see so far ahead He could only plan so much Yet he always thought he’d run free Let the winds and rivers guide him forward Never did he think his fate would uproot him into a nightmare He had no idea what to expect He had no idea he’d never be the same again Hell, to him it was the first and last time But to his hope it was a lightning spark Praying for more Regardless, in that moment When eyes met eyes, all he could think was... ‘There you are’

And there they were, standing in the almost completely melted snow on the outskirts of the Romanian village, the shy sun rays shimmering on their skin, making their hair glow. Their gaze gave away nothing yet so much simultaneously. Their crystal, shining yet still tired orbs were busy taking in their surroundings, their back turned to him. They didn’t have to face him for him to be able to guess they weren’t from around here. Truth be told, there were several clues that let him know: the clothes, the shoes, the sun-kissed skin - which there’s no way they could’ve obtained from the gloomy sunless winter in the village- but most important, the dead giveaway was the huge rucksack burdening their back and shoulders.

‘A traveler‘, he thought, ‘They’re probably lost. There’s no way they landed in this shithole on purpose.‘

The contemplation of whether to address them or not ends shortly and not really willingly - it mostly has to do with the fact that his thoughts were momentarily shut up when the traveler’s eyes met his. 

Even with the amount of distance between them, something in those E/C pools glinting in the faint sunlight while also reflecting the brightness of the last remaining snow on the ground stole his breath away and paralyzed him. He was rendered helpless and unmoving from simple eye contact with this stranger.

But they weren’t done surprising him with the overwhelming power they unknowingly possessed.

They, out of the blue, shot him a smile that could only be described as blinding. One that sent his heart racing, eyes widening ever so slightly with disbelief. He was rarely offered such a kind reaction upon being seen by someone. A smile - not a mocking or menacing one - was an expression he rarely saw directed towards him.

‘They don’t know you, idiot!‘ He scolds himself mentally, ‘They don’t know what kind of lowlife piece of shit you are.‘

Yeah, they don’t. And they’re never gonna find out

He was willing to pull every lie from the book to keep his miserable life as a nearly homeless, poorly treated worker of three jobs hidden from this stranger. He didn’t want to see pity in those eyes nor sympathy in their smile.

He didn’t want things to change. Though, he simultaneously didn’t know what ‘things’ he didn’t want changed.

And so, he decided to create some, knowing full-well they would be temporary.

“Need any help? You lost or something?“ He calls out to them as he makes his way down from the cliff and into the large field where they’re standing.

They shake their head in response, loose strands of hair forming a curtain over their features as they do so, their smile never fading, “Nope, not at all. I’m exactly where I wanna be.”

“What could you possibly wanna see here?“ He asks, now without having to belch his lungs out due to the smaller distance between them.

They turn away from him, pointing to the monstrosity of a building he’s more than familiar with, towering over the village and dominating the outskirts. Having been abandoned for years now, the factory has become a home for rats, roaches, bats and Karl Heisenberg. The young man runs the risk of having it all crumble atop him while he sleeps the three hours he’s allowed each night. He’s not usually embarrassed by this fact but he doesn’t proudly announce it either. Sure, some people who pick on him and are determined to make his life a living hell have spread rumors about his place of stay but no one dares go into the factory to fact-check. It’s menacing exterior looking to be straight from a horror movie or a nightmare is more than enough to drive any person away, but the haunting noises the place harbors accompanied by the many creatures that produce said noises just add to the fear factor among the villagers when it comes to the century old structure.

“That.“ The traveler says, looking almost dreamily at the building so many people turn to with disgust and fear. “Would it be trespassing to enter? I really wanna have a look inside.“

Forgetting to mask his confused and surprised expression, Karl is caught with that wide-eyed, mouth-slightly-agape look on his face which sends the traveler in a fit of laughter.

“I know I probably sound crazy saying that, but abandoned places are sort of my thing, you know. I can’t simply pass by one without going in and doing a literal scavenger hunt. Not that I ever find much apart from graffiti and crap all over the place, but it’s worth having a look. Especially inside a place that looks that old. And man is it huge.“ No, his assumption was right the first time - their eyes do indeed get dreamy when they turn to observe the giant structure further down the overgrown path.

Who gives him the right to tell them no?

“Lucky I found you then.“ He says, shedding every last bit of confusion and replacing it with enthusiasm, a wide smile plastered on his face, “Follow me, I know all the entrances.“

He needn’t tell them twice. Hell, he barely had to finish his sentence before they literally took flight as they rushed - as much as they could with the heavy backpack they were carrying - towards the factory, taking his hand to drag him along, never stopping their river of gratitude the whole way there.

It awoke something in him, something warm and genuine that made him want to get to know this sunshine in human form better. He hasn’t had a chance to smile plenty in his life, never having a reason to do so. But during this less than five minute interaction, he hasn’t been able to contain the grin brought upon him as a side effect of their own happiness.

“I’m Karl, by the way!“ He informed them as they stomped their way up the path.

“Nice to meet you, Karl!“ They called back, giving him a brief glance over their shoulder, “My name’s Y/N.“

‘Y/N‘ the name echoed and repeated itself in his head, intensifying that feeling dangerously close to adoration.

“Nice to meet you too, Y/N.“

                                                              *  *  *

Dust and dirt had stuck to their clothes, practically merging with the textile by the time the pair left the factory to see the setting sun once again. The darkness and dinginess of the factory periodically made them forget how beautiful the outside world was. The place was filthy but what Y/N didn’t know is that it had been in a worse state before. Before Karl started staying there.

The young man always had a fascination with mechanical engineering, having met many workers who worked in the factory prior to its closing. They often times snuck him in so he could admire the work process the different types of machinery they had in there - many of which still remained in the factory covered in rust and spiderwebs. That being said, he took it upon himself to clean up a bit, treat the powerful mechanical giants with the respect and decency a machine of their kind deserved. Some he even miraculously repaired - probably the biggest achievement in his life - but he was yet to put them to good use, given that he still didn’t know how to properly operate them and what their true purpose was.

“That was incredible!“ Y/N cheered once the two had stepped onto the grass outside in the field again, “I can’t believe I almost started debating whether to go or not after so many of the villagers tried to scare me.“ They turned to give the factory one more lingering look, “Damn, I wish I could go back in there again to see if we missed anything. Unfortunately, my time’s limited.“ They sigh, checking their wristwatch before sparing the setting sun a look as well. “And it’s almost up.“

The knot that suddenly appeared in Karl’s throat made him choke on the oxygen he had inhaled. The worry of what those words of Y/N’s meant made his stomach turn.

But, before he could ask what they meant, they gave him an apologetic smile, their eyes still shining, but saddened now, “I have to get going. I have a different destination I need to reach by dawn.“ They sighed heavily, looking down at their boots. Karl opened his mouth to say something, but he found himself to be at a loss for words. He felt hollow and empty and couldn’t bring himself to stomach what he had been told. However, Y/N once again beat him to the opportunity of saying something. Their head snapped back up, their eyes meeting his, now glimmering with the glow he had grown to think of as familiar at that point. “However, that doesn’t mean I won’t be back.“ They took him by the wrist and brought his hand up, opening his clenched palm to drop a small chain in it. “Growing up, I was taught to not expect people to return things you give them but to go and take them back yourself. And so, Karl, I’m giving you this necklace and promising I’ll be back to retrieve it.“ They closes his palm again, letting his arm fall by his side. While he still had only processed half of all that happened when they spoke up again, “Ok, so now I ask of you to stay here, not see me off, not follow me, just stand right here. Or you can turn around and walk away too, that’d be even better. Can you do that for me?” They asked, cringing suddenly, “Sorry, I’m bad at goodbyes.“

He faintly nodded, unable to get any words out yet again. That was probably a good thing, cause there was a huge risk that he would’ve asked them to stay if he spoke. 

Taking his nod as a positive response, they gave him a quick peck on the cheek before turning around and walking off in the direction they came from earlier, leaving him behind.  Karl wanted to force himself to walk in the opposite direction like they had told him to, but he couldn’t tear his eyes off them. He stood there, heart aching, watching them go. All the while squeezing the dog tag necklace tightly in his hand. The physical proof of the person that reminded him how it felt to feel.

The physical proof of the promise that they’d come back.

They’d come back to him.

He’d see them.

And he’d once again think to himself...

There you are, finally, you’re back

#resident evil 8 #resident evil #resident evil village #resident evil heisenberg #karl #karl heisenberg #re8 heisenberg #re heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg fanfic #resident evil karl heisenberg #karl x reader #heisenberg x you #heisenberg x reader #heisenberg factory #heisenberg #karl heisenberg x you #karl heisenberg imagines #lady dimitrescu #ethan winters #fic #video game #video game fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom #romance #requests open #request #x reader

[winterlovesong1]

Winter’s Nancy Drew Rewatch

Welcome to my first rewatch of my current favorite comfort show ❤️ Under the cut are my thoughts and a few insights I hope you enjoy - I’ll be going through each episode and posting these periodically with the tag winter rewatched Nancy Drew.

2x10 - The Spell of the Burning Bride

Overall MVP

Nancy is definitely the MVP of this episode. I mean yes, she’s battling some inner demons and that sorta dampens the end of the episode, but she won the mini battle and that deserves some recognition. 

Most Heartfelt Moment

I LOVED the moment with the girls on the stairs. More girl scenes please. More of them being supportive of each other. More of them leaning on each other (literally and emotionally). More of my favorite characters loving on each other.

Also, it should be noted, George initiated the hug with Nancy and I applaud her. Growth everyone. What your seeing is growth.

Most Comedic Moment

The 80′s montages whenever Nancy looks at a guy - priceless.

But I have to say, when she escapes the freezer and basically has a tackle fight with George and Ace gets her to finally swallow the antidote. *all the applause to Kennedy and team* EPIC.

Best Overall Line

So many this episode...

“Who’s Annette. I’ll kill her.”

Also “you’re fine. Your brain is not fire.”

Appropriate for many situations.

And the tagline brought to you by Gil and Nancy:

“Like I said ghost burglar”

 “Welcome to Horseshoe Bay”

(sorry, it was a good exchange and fitting for the series, as much as it pains me)

Scare Rating

Nothing is scarier than a spell that tries to repress women - nothing. 10/10.

Nace Slow Burn Rating

Ace was sort of an outlier this episode - he was the outlier in the date with Bess and Oddette, he was the outlier in the case, not really helping until the vital moment with the antidote (see comments on that later), and he was one of a couple of guys that Nancy’s lust was projected toward. This was Nancy’s episode and he was a part of it. However, the scenes he was a part of were super telling to Nace’s current and future story.

First, Nancy calls Ace first when things seem to be coming together with the mystery as she’s sitting with Tamura in his office. This logic is later noted in the “God, you are so smart, Ace. I don’t care what anybody says.” - she seems him as super intelligent and leans on him for her sounding board, the only one she deems perhaps worthy to bounce ideas off of not only because he’s smart, but because she trusts him implicitly. To tell her the truth. To tell her what she needs to hear. That line is also a bit telling of how Nancy thinks of Ace “never lacking” and always has seen him as worthy and amazing in her eyes.

Second is the “What does that mean? Is it making feel attracted? Or is it intensifying feelings of attraction that I already had but was repressing,” comment that’s directed straight at Ace mind you. Now, to the casual viewer, maybe she has been repressing her feelings, but as evident by my careful, mindful rewatch, Nancy’s attraction to Ace is about as subtle as her love for a neckscarfs and mysteries. But I know the mention is meant to serve as a foreshadowing. But again, Nancy your crush has been showing for a long time. Nancy has those feelings, but she hasn’t acted on them. She’s kept them at bay because again, she trusts him implicitly and venturing into that territory is scary, it’s terrifying, letting herself be that vulnerable, letting herself go there with him, so she’s held back action - so yes, it’s foreshadowing, but it’s also illustrating her clear and present argument with herself.

Then there’s the resolution- the antidote- that very strategically is given to Ace go administer- again going back to the trust, but also because- hear me out- he’s the resolution to all her turmoil- the lust, to the other battle inside her, to her relationship woes, to finding balance and stability in her life. Just very symbolic.

Then there’s the pesky battle that’s raging within Nancy that shadows the end of the episode as she resolves the lust, and she finds herself in the arms of Gil. And maybe it’s because she feels that after the crazy day as she says, she just wants something to take her mind off of it - Nick is with George and so the monster latching itself onto Nancy wouldn’t be that cruel, Tamura is Nancy’s typical type and there’s nothing typical that the monster wants, and Ace, Ace is sacred, Ace is who she’d run ten thousand feet away from and yet run straight towards because her fear and want are in the same measurable distance away from each other. And so Gil is the choice that the monster wants - because he’s everything Nancy isn’t. And that’s the point.

But I like to think, if Nancy wasn’t having this extra battle inside her to deal with, she might have talked to Ace about what happened that day - they might have laughed and smiled it off - but maybe somewhere in that conversation - there would be a hint of truth - of what they both really want.

Each other.

Favorite Fashion Moment

Nancy’s coat this episode is gorgeous. That’s all.

Missing Moment Drabble

Posted here.

#nace #tv: nancy drew #winter rewatched nancy drew

[teawaffles]

The Fugitives from the Fire: Chapter 5, Part 2

“Hey, madam innkeeper: where would you normally have been in the building?”

“……Since when did you get in charge of the investigation?”

As Sherlock took the lead, it seemed Gregson was displeased, but also no longer in the mood to put up a fight.

Hillary sniffed.

“I was always at the reception desk. I’m the only one managing the inn; I don’t have a single employee.”

“In that case, do you remember when these three men came to book their rooms? Or rather, at the time, had there been anyone with burns on their face?”

Sherlock was now diverting the conversation away from the case, instead attempting to verify if there were eyewitness accounts of the other fugitive. However, Gregson responded in a low voice.

“Holmes: it’s not going to work. We also tried asking her when we arrived at the scene back then, but it seems she has a strange policy of protecting her guests’ privacy, so she doesn’t check her guests’ appearances and such too closely.”

It seemed Hillary had heard him whispering, for she spoke up in defiance.

“You know, these parts are full of people with something to hide. I always make sure they pay up, but I don’t do such tactless things as staring people in the face.”

“Tactful, eh……”

Even Sherlock couldn’t stop himself; he cracked a wry grin. He didn’t know if it was an unwritten rule of the slums, but the innkeeper’s response was certainly a little too risky.

Nevertheless, at this point, there was nothing to be gained from laying blame on her. Sherlock continued.

“In that case, when the fire started, were you also at the reception?”

“That’s right. I wanted to stay there until the fire was contained, but a bunch of bobbies dragged me out at the very last moment.”

It seemed the lady possessed a truly dauntless spirit, so much so she had been willing to go down with her inn. That elicited something close to admiration within Sherlock, and he looked over the suspects.

“You mentioned ‘the very last moment’… That means you stayed at the reception until everyone had escaped?”

“Indeed: as the landlady, I have to ensure my guests are safe. Besides these guys, I definitely saw the ones from rooms 102 and 201 escape out the front door.”

“You’re indeed the epitome of a host.”

In his mind, Sherlock added this new piece of information on the guests’ rooms.

Excluding the murder victim, there had been five guests in total.

On the ground floor, rooms 101 (Jerry Dorff) and 102 had been occupied.

On the first floor, rooms 201 and 203 (Mike Myers).

Then on the second floor, room 301 (Bruno Campbell).

As he gathered the respective locations of the guests, the proprietress spoke up.

“Oh yes — earlier, everyone was talking about who had the chance to go up to the second floor, right? You’ll have to rule out Mr Jerry over there: for some reason, he immediately ran outside when the fire began. He seemed the very picture of alarm.”

“Hmm; this man, panicked?”

As far as he was concerned, people were free to run away in any manner they liked. But the gap between that and the taciturn, mysterious man before them made even Sherlock’s expression soften. It seemed Jerry had been strangely embarrassed by that reaction, deliberately clearing his throat.

Then, the detective turned to Gregson.

“Come to think of it, when you were going back upstairs, did you go past anyone? There must’ve been people rushing to escape.”

“I remember that: I passed by Bruno, Mike, and one other guest on the stairs. But is that important somehow?”

“If the killer had been among them, then he must’ve murdered the victim in the short period between the time you went downstairs to check the situation, and the time you returned to the second floor.”

Gregson groaned. “……Of course, that interval feels way too short. It didn’t even take me 30 seconds to go downstairs and back up again. So, that means……”

The locations of the suspects’ rooms. The escape route. The span of time until the victim had been murdered. Putting together all the clues they’d gathered by questioning the people involved, a single answer surfaced of its own accord.

“——It’s impossible for the killer to have gone upstairs and murdered him.”

Sherlock sounded as if he were pronouncing a judgement. Then, Gregson finally got his head around it — just like what a detective’s assistant would’ve done.

——“In that case, how did he murder the man in the room?”

“T-Then, the man in the room — how was he murdered……?”

Once again, the John in his imagination overlapped with Gregson. In theory, this ‘riddle’ had turned into something impossible to solve, and the assistant inspector was wracked with an anguish akin to agony.

However, that was a tale that only applied to ordinary people.

With his singularly transcendent powers of deduction, the consulting detective had already narrowed down two answers to this case.

Truthfully, right now, he could proceed to the solution right away. But for some reason, he didn’t want to do that. Surely, the reason why he was investigating the truth like this, was because he saw the figure of the man before him strenuously racking his brains.

As Gregson continued to despair, Sherlock Holmes placed a hand on his back.

“Gregson, do you have a moment?”

“……What do you want?”

He looked exhausted — but that was a weariness born from his own sense of responsibility, and even Sherlock refused to take a jibe at him now.

Gregson was shouldering a duty as a police inspector, so the detective resolved to use a little discretion.

“I want to talk to you outside for a bit.”

“…………”

Sherlock had said so in a serious tone, and Gregson didn’t put up a fight.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Once they left the inn, an unnerving oppressiveness made their skin prickle: clearly, the locals’ anger had only intensified. Lestrade was trying his best to negotiate with and conciliate them, but it wouldn’t be long before their frustration boiled over.

Yet, even as they were caught in this race against time, Sherlock remained unhurried. On the streets to which filth clung here and there, he began to speak as if they were simply having a chat.

“First off, from the conversation earlier, we’ve eliminated the possibility that the culprit went to room 303 and killed him. As such, we have to consider a different tack.”

“A different tack?”

“What I mean is, the idea that he didn’t attack from the door — rather, the window.”

Sherlock proposed the theory he’d thought up at the start: that the man had been shot from the window. With this idea, they could break free of the ‘riddle’ created by the locked room — the murderer could kill the victim even without going all the way to the second floor.

However, Gregson shrugged in amazement, and explained in an indifferent tone.

“This might dispute the deduction you’re so proud of, but we did look into that as well. Firstly, for this method to work, there must’ve been two men in total: one to start the fire at the inn, and the other to shoot the victim from outside. But hiring another collaborator to silence an accomplice, or settle a falling-out, brings its own share of danger. In addition, in order to shoot his victim, a gunman would minimally have to be at the same height as him. There’s a brothel across the street from the inn, facing its north wall, and with three floors to boot, it fits the bill. But at the time of the murder, there’d been people on its second floor, and no one testified that they heard a gunshot. Hence, that explanation has to be rejected.”

Unusually, the inspector had discussed his view without a hint of his usual thorny attitude.

But Sherlock was adamant. “If that’s the case, then——”

——“If that’s the case, then how about something like this? Sherlock.”

His partner’s voice resounded through his mind. Now, the detective persisted in playing the role of an assistant, raising another idea to the inspector.

“From the street beside the inn, he could’ve aimed at room 303’s window and shot the victim. With that, he wouldn’t have raised suspicions among the people in the brothel.”

“……That’s rather cliché. There were officers outside the inn, so if there’d been someone with a gun outside, they would’ve arrested him long ago. Moreover, the victim collapsed a step away from the room door. If he’d been shot from the window, he would’ve lain there still. Even if he had then used the last of his strength to crawl all the way to the door, with that level of blood loss, it’d be strange that there hadn’t been a trail of blood leading from the window. As I said earlier, as far as I could tell through the keyhole, I didn’t see any marks like that.”

The inspector calmly refuted his theory, and Sherlock made the same troubled face as John always did.

——Then and there, he eliminated one of his two suppositions, and completely saw through the ‘riddle’ of this case.

“Is that so? Then I’m completely at a loss here.”

“Hmm, what’s gotten into you since earlier? ……You kept making deductions that were quite unlike you.”

Gregson had casually said something that, deep down, revealed a glimpse of his recognition of the detective’s ability. Unwittingly, Sherlock broke into a gentle smile.

But just as quickly, he replaced it with the troubled expression required of the fool he was playing. Sherlock put both hands behind his head, and looked up at the sky.

“Hey, Gregson. Somehow, we’ve been talking over and over and getting nowhere; so for a change of pace, how about a quiz?”

“Huh? You purposely brought me all the way outside, for a quiz?!”

Gregson frowned, but Sherlock continued without a care.

“Let’s say there are two children, A and B, and they’re friends. One day, the two of them play catch at a distance of about 20 steps away from one another. But although A can throw the ball to B, B can’t throw it back to A. Why is that so? In case you were wondering, the two of them have the same strength.”

“……Hmm.”

Gregson forgot about his complaints for a moment, and pondered.

“Did B sprain his shoulder?”

“In a quiz like this, that kind of reasoning’s rubbish, isn’t it?”

“There’s a wall between them.”

“Then A couldn’t have thrown the ball over.”

“……Another kid suddenly appeared and stole the ball.”

“You’re being a little careless, aren’t ya?”

It was unclear what the intention behind this quiz was, and to top it off, Sherlock had rejected every one of his answers. At last, Gregson raised his voice.

“Dammit, just tell me the answer already! Also, what’s the point of a quiz like this?!”

“Come on, now,” Sherlock parried. “I’ll give you a hint: for example, try looking at this building here.”

“Hmm……”

The detective pointed to the inn they had just stepped out of. Coincidentally, just like the one that had burnt down, this building also had three floors.

“What about it?”

“Man, you’re still as slow as ever. Look……”

Sherlock pointed to a window on the upper floors, and moved his finger between that and the window below it a few times.

Watching that action, Gregson seemed to have arrived at the answer himself.

“I see. So the children were standing on the upper and lower floors respectively, and leaning out the windows to throw the ball? Although it could be thrown from the floor above to the one below, it would be difficult to throw the ball back up in the other direction. That’s to say, the distance of 20 steps was not lengthwise, but vertical——”

Right then, as if a bolt of electricity had coursed through him, Gregson twitched. His hand shot to his chin; sinking deep into thought, he remained absolutely motionless, with only his lips piecing fragments together into clues.

“There’s only one way…… To be able to kill without going upstairs…… In that case, the position of the body…… And it ending up as a locked room…… But, such an extraordinary method –– is it even possible?”

At his final question, Sherlock grinned.

“I don’t have the foggiest idea what you just thought of…… But when you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” [1]

“………!”

Gregson looked at the detective, standing boldly where he was.

Whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

That was what he’d always maintained.

A suicide, or an accident. Pretending to be dead. Entering the room and murdering him. A sniper shot from the window. After carefully pursuing all lines of thought, in the end, only this solution remained.

In that case, it had to be the truth.

Could it be, that he’d started this entire conversation in order to guide him here……?

“……Hmph.”

At that thought, Assistant Inspector Gregson reassumed his usual, haughty attitude: the manner of a police inspector who saw the detective as his enemy.

“Let’s go, Holmes. I’ll tell you what I’ve deduced.”

——This is my case.

As Gregson strode away triumphantly, Sherlock chuckled.

T/N: Sherlock has grown so much..! (my /heart/)

Footnotes:

[1] A quote from Chapter 6 of the Sherlock Holmes novel The Sign of the Four, by Arthur Conan Doyle. (Wikipedia)

#moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #yuumori #english translation #the girl who sees rainbows