#lol I really can't help myself can I. I just have to provide way more detail and info on stuff XD...

[bleue-flora]

if a therapist came to the dsmp to treat the characthers they would need therapy after doing it probably

[context]

You and @piscespixiewastaken think alike it seems.

Indeed they would. In fact, this point actually pushed me to ask my sister-in-law, who is a therapist/counselor about it just out of curiosity. 

Here’s what I learned:

Despite what my counselor said, not all therapists were required in school to do counseling themselves to get certified. Some counselors have actually never even been to therapy themselves (not sure how I feel about that to be honest… not to deter people from going to therapy - please do if you are able) something my sister-in-law didn’t seem to be a big fan of.

When asked if she felt like she needed counseling after/because of a specific client she said that yes that can definitely be the case. She noted that empathy fatigue is often common after listening to people all day, which makes sense and that would be a common reason for some needed personal counseling. As expected, while she hasn’t had to deal with a lot of it, she did note that dealing with people with antisocial behavior disorders (ie narcissistic, histrionic… think sociopath disorders) can be especially taxing.

Given that the dsmp is a group of povs of the same story and events, I was curious on whether she often found herself taking sides when she does couples counseling. She said that there can be an initial bias at first when the base facts are presented to her, which is something she often has to check herself on, but that actually she finds that usually there is truth and wrongdoing on both sides and there is no true ‘bad guy.’ Though she did add that she has not dealt with any relationships involving more intense abuse especially relating to antisocial behavior disorders. In other words, the couples she sees likely came willingly and are sound enough in mind on both sides to want to fix the problems, if that makes sense.

So in other words, there are, much to my surprise, counselors who do not go (may not have gone) to therapy themselves, but that doesn’t make it healthy and considering the characters in the dsmp it would likely be recommended that this counselor also see someone. I will say though the implication that people in the dsmp are more problematic then real world people are is perhaps an underestimation of irl mental illness. Just because the dsmp members wear armor and carry around weapons doesn't make them more troublesome than people irl, though perhaps that is me viewing it from their world standards which I assume the therapist would be from. In either case, whether the therapist was from the realm of Minecraft world circumstances or more irl, I do imagine they being either inhumanly sane and not need a therapist of their own, or they get together with another therapist and perhaps drink over all the dsmp insanity. And whether they would be inclined to take sides I think is hard to say since there are definitely some characters who need a psych ward. Anyways… hope you enjoyed my info dump. :)

#lol I really can't help myself can I. I just have to provide way more detail and info on stuff XD... #well you learn things... might be the best convo I've had with my sister-in-law as an aside :D #also again please go to therapy if you can I have been seeing someone for over 5 years now and I can say I both wouldn't be here if I hadn' #and that it has really helped me grown as a person and form more healthy relationships. #having a professional. who isn't a friend or family member with bias. can be really great to help you heal and navigate life #please also remember that it may take a little to find a therapist who you connect with so don’t just give up <3 #oops sorry for the therapy advertisement... I'm just passionate about it ;) <3 <3 #fanfiction #hello there #dsmp analysis #dsmpblr #dsmp fanfic #dsmp #dream smp

[cat-loves-music]

Hi Cat! I was wondering if I could request Mattheo Riddle x fem reader who gets migraines? And it would be her skipping class over getting a really bad one which is unusual and so he goes to check on her and he cuddles her, gives her head massages (and she has curly hair or it’s just not described as like easy to comb through so more of a scalp massage ig lol) and whatever else you want to add. Also they call each other like mi amor and cute stuff like that. If you don’t want to write this it’s totally fine! I love your work and hope you have a great day or night <3

Migraines

Omg hi! So sorry this took so long. Finding motivation is a pain in the ass. 😅

I also am not really familiar with migraines, so I hope I do this justice. Anyways I hope you like it!

Warnings: migraines, fluff, House not specified, fem!reader, not proofread!, somewhat shitty writing, and if there are more plz let me know!

The sound of a switch and the sudden blinding light of my dorm room awakes me from my peaceful slumber.

"Come on, Y/n! You need to get up, you'll be late," my dormmate says before leaving.

I groan as I sit up in bed, my head throbbing with pain and the contents of my stomach swish around uncomfortably inside the organ. The lights reflecting off of the vibrant colors of the dorm room make my head spin so I begrudgingly stand up to turn the light back off.

"Not today," I whisper to myself as I chase my relief in the comfort of my own bed.

♡♡♡

Mattheo's POV

"Hey Malfoy, have you seen Y/n today?" I asked him as we sat down in the Great Hall for lunch.

"Nah, mate. I would have thought you would have since you're the one dating her," he answers, shrugging.

I sigh as more of my friends come to the table.

"Have any of you guys seen Y/n by any chance?" I asked them.

"I didn't see her in class," Enzo replied, "she's almost never even late much less not show up."

"Yeah she wasn't in Defense or Charms," Pansy said, worry lacing her voice.

I get up from the table, my heart feeling like it's being squeezed. Something is wrong, I know it.

"I'll see you all later, I'm gonna go find her," I stated.

We bid our goodbyes before I head to her dorm. I arrive there and I knock on the door.

"Go away!" I hear her groan.

Twisting open the door knob, the lights are completely off and the curtains are drawn closed. Darkness envelopes the room, but I can still see Y/n's form buried underneath the covers.

"Mi amor," I whisper, "what's wrong?"

"I have a migraine," she speaks, her words slightly slurred.

I frown, "It must be a bad one because you never miss class, my love."

"Please stop yelling," she whines, "it hurts."

I walk over to beside her bed, take my shoes off and climb in next to her. Snaking my arms around her, I hold her close and she snuggles into my chest.

"Can I get a head massage please?" She requests, looking up at me with her tear stained cheeks.

"Of course, princess," I said, my heart squeezing once more.

I hate that she's in pain, sometimes I wish I could take it away from her so she'll never have to feel it again. I'd bear the burden so she doesn't have to, but unfortunately I can't so the next best thing would be helping her with a massage. My hands find their way to her head as I work my fingers into her temples and scalp. Y/n sighs in contentment as I do so.

"Thank you, love," she says, "that feels so much better."

I provide a kiss to the top of her head, "I'm glad."

For the rest of the day, we stay in bed with our bodies entwined in each other's arms.

Hi! I hope you liked it, but it’s been a hot minute since I've written an imagine so I'm sorry if it sucks. I tried my best to make it decent since I don't personally get migraines, but if you want me to add something, let me know!

@ravenclawprincess33

#mattheo riddle headcanon #mattheo x you #mattheo riddle imagines #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy imagines #mattheoxreader #mattheo x y/n

[kira-fluff]

hi kira!! i'd like to request something, you know how there is only when the haikyuu boys walk in on you changing, right? but what if it where when YOU walk in on the haikyuu boys changing?

a/n: hi anon!! omg you are a GENIUS!! gold star <3 i almost feel obligated to provide photos of them shirtless but i don’t think i could bring myself to stop staring at it lol feel free to request more characters like usual! p.s. - we’re almost to 1.5k followers which is totally crazy!!! love you guys!! <3

accidentally walk in on them changing - haikyuu!!

tw: fem!reader x selected haikyuu characters, suggestive (slight nsfw), cursing, some boys being SASSY if you liked this prompt, i have haikyuu characters walking in on you changing pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

kuroo tetsuro "uhh..." you knocked, but kuroo had just gotten out of the shower and had his earbuds in, so unfortunately, he didn't hear you. and, unfortunately, you took that as a signal that it was okay to enter his room. he was just finishing wiping the back of his neck with his towel, his bicep flexing, when you entered. it took him a moment to notice your staring. you stared at him. he stared at you, eyes growing wide. he gazed down at his apparel, or rather, lack thereof. slowly, he slipped out one of his earbuds, hardly registering your audible gulp over the sound of his rapidly beating heart. you immediately slammed the door shut, shouting, "oh my god i'm so sorry!" tetsuro blinked, once more looking down, before a burning flush took over his entire body. he is so confused. knowing kuroo, he'll want to talk about it as soon as possible since communication in any of his relationships are important to him, especially when the girl he's been crushing on for years is on the line. after the confusion is cleared up, he'll hope you can look him in the eye again.. he won't be mad if you can't, though. just... if he catches you staring at his crotch one more time he might have to leave the room. man, is it hot in here.

oikawa tooru "oh my god fuCKING KNOCK?!" you and oikawa practically grew up together so it's pretty much a given that you wouldn't need to knock... right? i mean, he'd just lock the door if he was naked, right? apparently oikawa was once again on his last brain cell. you slammed the door open, declaring your presence in the most obnoxious way possible (just because you knew he hated it) only to be greeted with an extremely not-clothed tooru. it only took a second for him to start trying to throw things at you, whatever was in the nearest vicinity (which turned out to be his phone). you shielded your face more as a defense mechanism than out of politeness. the worst part is that even after you apologize, he's going to yell at you for another hour most likely about how your dirty eyes desecrated his sexy, gorgeous body. literally just tell him to shut the fuck up before i do iwa-chan will be hearing about this, just so you know. it's funny and instead of poking fun at you, iwaizumi will never let oikawa live this down. especially because, in retelling the story, oikawa can't help but hide his face in embarrassment. it's kinda cute though.

iwaizumi hajime "erm, hey.." SO awkward. can he really blaming you for staring at those abs? ugh, they're good enough to take a bite out of. you bit your lip, your brows knitting together. fuck, this man has it ALL and he's PACKING ssdfhsjkdfhksj so pardon your intrusion. your bad. if you ask to stay, he'll turn BRIGHT RED and get all flustered. it's really entertaining. but seriously, he just finished his work out and all the sweat is pouring down his body but he doesn't even smell gross like how is that fair?! in all the confusion and embarrassment he won't even ask you to leave. he'll just stare at you until you take the hint or decide to take things further (i applaud you in you're that bold). just be aware, what you've just done has uncaged an animal and putting it back in confinement will be tricky - if not impossible. hajime will literally avoid you after this. he is NOT planning on talking about this or to you ever and he's pretty sure he can't look at you again without remembering how you were biting your lip and your eyes took on a darker hue and FUCK it gives him HOPE okay?! he can't believe there's a chance you'd like him but maybe, just maybe...? he remembers sometimes how you let out a little gasp when he'd met your eyes when you'd opened that door. that gasp remains in his dreams, though under much different circumstances. circumstances that wake him up hard.

futakuchi kenji "i. will. kill. you." you have to be tough to even be friends with this motherfucker, much less the object of his affection. it definitely didn't help, though, that your defense mechanism when you witness something that makes you feel awkward is too laugh. of course, futakuchi being futakuchi thought you were laughing at HIM and so this prompted an all out war. as soon as he's slipped back on his boxers in haste, he's literally going to attack you. he grabs your wrist and pulls you into his room, slamming the door behind him. you're already back-tracking, trying to explain that you're just nervous, but he's already stalking closer toward you. of course, you're backing up. this continues until you're sprawled out on his bed and he's leaning over you, his knee in between your thighs. you gulp. he peers down at you, a glow in his chocolate brown eyes as he says, "you're going to regret laughing." it only takes a look down to call his bluff. it's pretty clear blood isn't just rushing to his ears. he's so head-over-heels for you he can't even stand it.

sakusa kiyoomi "leave before i make you leave." the fact that he even let you in his house is proof that he trusts you, but damn, even leaving the door unlocked? truth be told, the lock on the door to his bedroom has actually been broken for a week, but he didn't tell you that. the moment you're staring at his naked form, his surprised look will quickly change to a scalding glare. it's his only coping mechanism stopping him from getting completely embarrassed that basically everything is out there right now for you to see. he can't help wander in his mind to the times when he's imagined you both naked together like this. and it's already starting to piss him off. you let out a defense, "well sorry, your door was open, omi." he scoffs, covering a fist over his mouth, "whatever, just get out."

kita shinsuke "i'm-" *sigh* "...changing in here.." he really did try to tell you, he heard your footsteps coming to his door but by the time it swung open, you'd already fully met a shirtless and pant-less kita, though thankfully he'd slipped back on his boxers before you'd barged in. he couldn't help but let out a little chuckle as you squeaked out a quiet, "sorry!" before closing the door. your reaction was just so cute. with kita, he's hoping you agree that there's nothing more that needs to be said between you. he may give you a little nod or a "don't mind" hand-motion, but he won't outright talk about it. it's still embarrassing even if you were much more flustered about it than him. just promise you'll still talk to him as well, ok?

miya atsumu *trips trying to grab his towel* he acts like there's a five-second rule to seeing someone naked. it doesn't count if he's reached his towel to cover himself up before those five seconds are up, right? well, he's also a huge dumbass, so he trips over the shit he's left on his messy floor and falls. just bare ass cheeks as he lays there. no, he's not getting up. yes, he's alright. he's just gonna lay here for a while. later, when you can no longer hold your laughter in, he'll get real defensive and argue that you should've knocked louder when he obviously couldn't hear it due to his "off-key singing". that being said, he's not going to hold it against you, i mean, he can't really say "no" to you ever away. 'sumu is a mega-simp, a'ight? too bad his "cool exterior image" is gone now. not that he had that in the first place... but he doesn't need to know that.

miya osamu "you ain't gettin' a look at this for free, ya know." it's irritating how a little smirk creeps up his face like he KNOWS he's fine as fuck (which he does). you're standing there gasping for air while he's just completely unaffected! it's annoying. you scoff, turning your eyes away and letting him know that atsumu just needed him to make dinner. you were a tough one to break, but this was something you could've never prepared for. and osamu was determined to win you over however he could because, let's face it, he's crazy about you. you can't image the amount of times he's replayed the scene of you standing there with your throat bobbing up and down and mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, a heated blush igniting across your face. your eyes feasted on his body, trailing down to his thighs and dick, widening when he purposefully flexed his muscles. it was precious - like a little treasure. osamu once got a pillow to the face for "laughin' like a creep" when he was supposed to be going to sleep.

suna rintaro "are you gonna leave or should i?" sassiest mf alive istg. i don't know what you expected. suna is impossible to read so when you're standing there just... staring and his expression remains blank even as he's completely nude but not making any moves to cover himself up... well, you can't help but wonder what the hell he is thinking. just as you mutter, "leaving.." he grabs you by the arm. you tense up, turning around and meeting his gaze with your own, a questioning eyebrow raised. he cleared his throat before uttering one word - "stay." there's no need to talk after... if you weren't "a thing" before, you are now. as your lying next to him in bed, sound asleep, he's running his hands softly through your hair, thinking about how long he's been wanting this and wanting you and loving you. he's a lucky guy, what can he say? he's got you.

terushima yuji *pterodactyl screech* leave it to you and your inability to knock. you were so used to going in and out of yuji's room that by this time you assumed he'd lock the door if he was changing, right? wrong. if asked, terushima would say he'd winked and asked if you'd wanted to join him. in reality, as you stared at his long torso and the patch of hair that led down to his dick, he'd flushed, letting out a loud shriek, and hilariously attempted to cover both his unmentionables and his chest. after the fact - after a long, cold shower more likely - he's so embarrassed. he may or may not chew you out with a bright red creeping up his neck. someone help him... he's already been holding back so much and now that you've seen him like that confessing seems impossible.

#fem!reader #haikyu x reader #haikyū!! #haikyuu!! #daichi fluff #daichi x reader #nishinoya x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama x reader #yamaguchi x reader #yamaguchi tadashi x reader #tsukishima x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo tetsuro x you #kenma x reader #kenma kozume x reader #oikawa tohru x reader #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #futakuchi x reader #bokuto x reader #akaashi x reader #ushijima x reader #terushima x reader #daishou x reader #sakusa x reader #kita shinsuke x reader

[sodabranch]

Halo here, still waiting for the next time their irl friends are up to play Lethal Company together... Justice time!

1. One thing that would suck about the Company is that I doubt it you get time off for illness/injuries. So imagine the dilemma of Justice having to leave to look after the employees heading to the bunker, but also being worried about the one needing to be left to rest on the ship.

Other than the issue of the employee being unable to react timely to an enemy lurking near the ship, I see Justice's past experiences worsening their mental conflict. They were always there, when the master or someone in the household got sick, so leaving them feels unnatural.

And what if it's something they can't simply recover from? Earning a disability is bound to be as easy as death itself, on the job.

2. Okay, this one isn't a Justice specific one. I was thinking, man, even the freakiest and erratic of nutcracker OCs will find a human out there who thinks they're really cool! Suddenly, an idea popped into my head.

Because the nutcrackers have parasites, making them semi living, what if one could apply a freaking soulmate AU to it?!

3. Justice, in the past, waiting for the master to come home from work, but they're coming home late. How would Justice react? I could imagine it thinking about how it can't just make a phone call.

Sure, you could easily turn the idea into angst, but I see it that the master simply had overtime, and eventually came home just fine. But Justice is a bit angy they never warned it, because it was worried...

4. The employees and Justice were gathering scrap from a mansion. Everyone is back inside the ship, confident that Justice will soon return safely. In the midst in the snowstorm, they see its approaching silhouette, but something about it is different? Oh, that's right, it's carrying scrap, too. But what?

As Justice steps inside, they see it's a—

Oh no, it's a somehow decently preserved and clean puffy dress?! Justice is irradiating excitement; isn't this fitting for a partner to wear for a waltz? The employees, on the other hand, are thinking 'Oh crap, it's gonna make one of US wear it!' They then push the one who they know Justice sees as the master to the front of the group, like a sort of sacrificial offering to wear the dress.

~ Halo

Oh, I'm also waiting for my friends to have a free night so we can play Lethal together and totally suffer the consequences of our own actions...

I just arrived home a moment ago so brace yourself:

Aaaand no, I also doubt the Company would be so kind to offer you some time off or even compensation lol. Once you're away from Gordion you're on your own, buddy;; better read the fine print.

Justice would be torn between staying with them or helping the team. On one side, it would be able to provide care for the injuried person, aiding them on their needs and staying guard in case any entity was to take advantage of their state; on the other side, there's no way it is going to abandon the team!!! four people is still better than three. Yes, of course it believes that the team can totally fend for themselves!! but maybe just maybe,,, what if some monster sneaks up on them and it can't do anything, then what!

In the amidst of this mental dilemma, Justice settles on giving the crewmate a walkie and gestures for them to use it if something were to happen, then helps tucking them in the uncomfortable bunk bed (to much of Justice's dismay. It really has ought to look for a way for them to rest more comfortably...), and there's no way it is going to forget the "healing kiss" to the forehead before heading out with the rest of the crew. Then maybe it would keep checking on them from time to time, excusing itself to "bring some scrap back to the ship".

Oof I let myself get invested in that one,,,

AND UMGMMGGMMGMG, SOULMATE AU???? ON MY BLOG?? MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK- I REALLY need to think of a way to make this real???? I never thought of it as a possibiity, but you're kinda so right? Preach.

Asdhsdhd also choking up from thinking of Justice waiting by the door to see if their master makes it home safely...

At the start, it would be a bit confused, they were supposed to arrive some time ago! Well, could have been a slight delay, but that doesn't erase the nagging thought telling it something might have happened. What if they got injured on their way back? What if someone did something? What if this? What if- Enough for now, it should think more rationally than that. So naturally, Justice decides to busy itself with some cleaning while it waits... Only for more minutes to pass and for it to start growing more and more worried. Now without any tasks to do while it waits it just sits motionless on the entryway, expecting to see them any second now...

And it's not until the sound of keys turning and the door creaking open that it can rest, seeing the face of their master and mentally restraining itself from running up and hugging them. For now, it is glad it got to see their face for another day.

AAAAAAA THE LAST ONE THE LAST ONE

Just just imagine,, while exploring this mansion, Justice finds itself in some sort of bedroom. Rummaging through it, it wasn't long before something caught it's attention: a perfectly preserved dress stored inside some sort of garment bag... The sight alone brought back so many memories of packed ballrooms and the many dances that took place, most of which Justice had to spectate. As a guard, it was supposed to watch over the people, never let in the fun.

So it guesses the crew won't have much trouble when it brings the beautiful garment back to the ship!! One of them even stepping forward, how sweet!

and im cutting it here because it may be getting too long :9 but I have so many new ideas giggles*

#ask #my guys #im so tired ughhghghg #but i got too excited and wanted to answer this before going zzz

[rttnpnkpmpkn]

💗🌷🌼 ✨This is the you are amazing award. Send it to ten bloggers you think are wonderful or just take a moment to bask in your own awesomeness! ✨ 🌼🌷💗

Aww thank you! Sorry that this ask took so long, mostly because I had to really sit down and meditate on how I want to answer this, especially when it comes to naming the wonderful people who helped made my online experience worth staying for ^^ I can't really pinpoint just a few people because it's pretty unfair to the others who come and go my way and had a part in my character development lolol.

I want to thank my online friends who we've made it through thick and thin whenever something catches on fire. (Y'all know who you are 💖). I had serious anxiety and trust issues, and I still continue working on it but my friends helped provide the breakthrough I needed to get to where I am today. They're my pillar whether they realized it or not and I hope I don't do them much disservice in the future *sweat*. Thank you for all the laughs and everything you do! I know my interactions come off as lukewarm (I'm very introverted, so my battery is busted as hell) compared to how you chat with others, but it's been an enjoyable experience from my POV regardless. Y'all get a huge boop from me!

I'm also sorry that it didn't work out with those in which we left on unamicable terms, they do also have a part in building more to my worldview and life lessons learned after all this. Life is short to hold grudges and stress, so I will wish that they too meet their peace along the way, even in separate rooms. I also have my moments where my handling and problem-solving skills need work, and I can only move forward and improve on the next with my communication skills. I really can't blame others for having a negative view on me because I know I could've handled things better. The answer just had to come later after that point 😓. Take care and may time be kinder to y'all.

I very much want to thank you and every random peep who took their time to comment and like my works! I cannot reply tp all of them because sometimes my energy be too drained to catch up with them all but it really makes me smile reading them! I'm taking notes from y'all~ xD

There are a whole lot of reasons but I'm making stuff to have something to look forward to. So many disappointments in life and circumstances beyond control, I was thinking," it doesn't matter if it's gonna be lost to time, if nobody is making this SHIZZ happen NOW, I'll do it myself!! (though that's too overconfident of myself since I lack the skills to do it justice lol) ." So even if it's been a waste of time in hindsight, it won't feel that way *during* it lol. I didn't realize then it would have resonate and be enjoyed by fellows on the same boat. Even if the campfire is small, the quality of company is better than the quantity. Though the only benefits to offer are inside jokes if you've been there heheh...

TLDR: It's been quite a journey to get to where I am. I have many people to thank for helping me learn, and thanks for being what I want to see in a community. Be well and have a nice one! 🥰🙏

#pumpkin thoughts #ask a pumpkin 🎃 #not art

[softxsuki]

Hello, I’m.. new to this. But reading your works have comforted me … I know you have a lot on your plate, and I hope all is going well for you!! If you,,have the chance,, I’ve kind of.. not been doing well. At all. Haha,, I’ve been extremely suicidal.. for at least the past year. Everything has since fell apart. I’m not sure if this counts, but..it feels urgent, to me..?

My grandmother died, I lost my job due to my health declining so rapidly I physically could not manage. I’ve since applied to so many jobs.. absolutely no luck and.. I even lost my home. Im living with someone else’s parents, and I’m a child scared to leave their room all over again. I can’t eat unless food is in front of me, none of my friends are… good, at comforting, to say the least… I have well over 1K due for medical bills, and no one will even take me for an interview, so I can’t even pay off little by little. Lol..I pretty much moved out at 17 and have been surviving by myself for 6 years now.

Im so tired of surviving.

If.. if you don’t mind.. honestly I don’t even know what kind of scenario this would count as…. Baji has been my biggest comfort character as of late, and I.. well, would you mind,, possibly writing a scenario.. of reader who’s spiraled so far into these thoughts, and in the midst of a panic attack, attempts to.. stop surviving, if you catch my drift..

I know this is very personal, and I’m sorry to dump on you.. if you’re unable, all is well! Thank u for taking time to read my pity story haha.. <3

Baji Helps Suicidal Reader

****Please proceed with caution if mentions of suicide will be more harmful to you than beneficial.*****

Pairing: Baji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hopelessness, suicide attempt, crying, not being able to find a job, losing your home

Genre: Hurt Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In which Baji shows up as soon as you attempt to take your own life.

[A/N: Hi darling, I'm so glad you found my blog and for feeling comfortable enough to bring your urgent request to me! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Though I've felt similarly about the the whole job thing. Places these days won't even give people a chance to show what they could do. I graduated from College and couldn't find work immediately. I'm still struggling to find a job in my field even now. I have a job at a bookstore atm, but it took a long time for me to get it. I think when they timing is right though, things will work out for us. We really just need to wait for things to happen and keep working for them! But you're also going through a lot of other situations as well, so my words probably aren't that helpful, so I'll leave that to Baji. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to though. I've been through moments of hopelessness and feeling like leaving this world was my only option, but I'm proof that things will change. There will always be times when we fall, but we can always get back up again! Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read. I hope it provides you with even just a tiny bit of comfort <3 i love you, hopefully we can talk again soon, you sound very sweet!

Side note: I wasn’t sure if you wanted something platonic or if you wanted to be Baji’s s/o so I left that kinda ambiguous. You could read it either way!

Baji impatiently taps his foot, sitting on his bike outside your place. Where were you?

You had texted him earlier asking him to pick you up since the people you were living with weren’t home and you just needed to get out for a while. He came rushing over as soon as he had a chance and texted you upon arriving, but you weren’t answering his texts–you weren’t even reading them. 

He knew all about your situation in life and had tried his best to be by your side and show you the support that you deserved to have. He wasn’t perfect though, at times it was hard for Baji to truly put himself in your shoes and understand what you were going through.

Now though, he was worried. Why had you texted so desperately that you needed to get out of the house? Why weren’t you answering his texts now?

He turns his engine off and hops off the bike, walking briskly to your front door.

“Y/N! I’m here,” He bangs on the door, hoping you were just distracted and forgot to check your phone to see his texts.

But he’s met with silence. 

“Y/N!” He tries again, panic settling in the pit of his stomach and he bangs harder on the door–something wasn’t right.

He brings his ear to the door hoping to hear any sign of life and that’s when he hears it, the running of water and sobs from the other side. Gathering whatever adrenaline had been building up in him, he rams into the door, which luckily flies open from the impact. The sound of your sobs grows louder the closer he gets to you. You were in the bathroom.

The door is only a crack open, but he races toward the noise, slamming the door fully open and takes in your state; puffy eyes as tears run from them not that he could distinguish your tears from the hot water that was pouring on you from the shower-head. You were sitting in the tub, soaking wet with a bottle of pills in your hands.

Your breathing was erratic as you struggled to open the bottle, but Baji is quick to act. He’s in the shower with you in a second, the burning water scalding his body even through his jacket, but he doesn’t care since it’s now not hitting you anymore. He snatches the pills from your hands, throwing them out the bathroom door and into the hallway where you can’t see them. In your state of panic, you start to flail around, seeing that bottle as your only escape from the mental pain you were experiencing. He finally turns the water off and hoists you up, your attempts to push him away and hit him futile. His adrenaline is still high as he lifts you from the tub with ease and onto the bathroom floor where he plops down next to you, out of breath.

You can’t seem to calm your breathing down as you clutch your chest, searching all around you with wild eyes, looking for a way out. Anything to end your suffering–anything. But then you feel strong arms wrap around you in a hug. You beat down on his back, trying your best to shake him off you. Let go of me, you think to yourself. Maybe you meant it in a different way, Let me go. Let me be free from this pain. But deep down, you wanted him to continue to hold you in place.

“Y/N please-” His voice cracks, making you go still in his arms. What were you doing?

“Please, I’m here. You’re not alone, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he cries, “So don’t leave me.”

The man who had nerves of steel was breaking right in front of you.

He held you tight, as if he was scared you’d just vanish between his fingers. 

What feels like hours passes by with you both still soaking wet on the floor, clinging to each other, but you slowly manage to calm your breathing and sobs thanks to Baji’s help. 

He had been silent the whole time, focusing on just making sure you wouldn’t try anything else while he was around.

“I’m sorry…” you finally say, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

He finally loosens his grip on you, but continues to hold you close, caressing your still damp hair, “Why?”

That was a great question. One you couldn’t answer in only a few minutes. Baji knew the basics of what you’d been through, but he didn’t know the turmoil of what you were going through internally–only externally.

“I’m just…tired. Tired of surviving, tired of suffering. I’m barely scraping by. Is this what life’s supposed to be like? I look around at all the happy faces. Everyone seems to be living the ideal life and I’m just here, so why should I bother to exist if I don’t matter.”

He takes in your words, thinking them over, probably repeating them over and over in his head.

“You matter,” he decides to say, “You matter so much. Even if you only matter to one person, isn’t that enough to keep trying? One person can eventually grow into two, and three, and so on.”

“Baji…you don’t know what it’s like. I’ve already tried for so long. It’s been six long years. I’ve tried to see the good in my situation for six years, and yet I only keep getting pushed farther and farther past my limit. I can’t find a job, and because I can’t find a job, I can’t pay off my debt. I’m living in a house that isn’t mine with people who aren’t my family. I’m alone,” you cry out.

By now you had freed yourself from Baji’s arms, but he reaches over and grabs your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, scared that you’d run away from him.

“But if you leave now how do you know that tomorrow won’t be the day that things change?” He asks you, “Look, I know I can’t ever fully understand what goes on through your mind or what you’ve been through up till this point, but you can’t know what your life will be like a few months from now–hell, not even a few days from now. Everything can change in a second, you just need to be around to experience it.”

He brings your hands to his lips, peppering tiny kisses to your knuckles.

“I love you, a lot Y/N. Too much to just let you leave like this. Let’s try focusing on today. Each day has its own troubles, so why should we think about the future and worry ourselves even more for problems we haven’t reached yet? We’ll cross those valleys when we get to them. Right now, I just want you to focus on yourself, getting back on your feet and in a better state of mind,” he tries to console you.

His words definitely reached you. Truth be told, you knew things could maybe change, but it was hard to move forward with such uncertainty. Why couldn’t you know what would happen with your life five years from now? 

“But what if things don’t change. I don’t want to live like this forever. I don’t want to suffer anymore,” you confess, hot tears running down your face.

Baji turns to face you, gently wiping your tears away.

“But what if they do? Don’t you want to stick around to find that out for yourself?” He asks.

You stop and think it over for a moment; a life where things finally turned around–you finally getting called in for an interview and getting a job, receiving an income and finally getting to pay your debts off. Having your own place where you felt comfortable and maybe starting a family of your own…yeah, that did sound nice. As impossible as that future sounded, it was something you craved.

“I guess I do,” you sigh, “Though I wish it could happen now.”

“I know. I wish it could happen now for you as well. I hate to see you suffer so much, but you’re not alone in this. I have your back. So let’s keep fighting okay? Together, let’s see it through till the end when things finally turn around for you.”

“Baji, you know I can’t just feel better overnight. I think I’ll be okay for today, but who’s to tell when I’ll spiral like this again.”

“Then I’ll be here to get you through it again.”

A wave of gratitude flew through you. You don’t know why Baji arrived on time when you were fully ready to leave this world a few minutes ago, but now you were thankful that he had stopped you. You didn’t want to hurt him or leave him alone, but you found a little ball of hope appearing in your heart. Though tiny, it was still present and you hoped it would continue to grow and become reality one day.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Then shall we go? You said you wanted out of here for the day, right?” He goes right back to treating you like he usually would–something you were grateful for. You didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around you after witnessing you at your lowest moment.

“But we’re still wet,” you point-out, looking at his clothes that were still clinging to his body.

“The wind will dry us,” he heaves himself off the floor and holds a hand out to you, “Let’s go.”

You give him your hand as he helps you off the floor. What did you have to lose? At this point you didn’t care, you just needed to get your mind off everything.

Baji leads you out of the house, grabbing the bottle of pills on his way out and throwing them in his jacket pocket, making a mental note to discard them later. You walk past the open door with a lock that was now busted off the wall. You’d have to explain that to the people you lived with, but you’d face that problem when you got to it–just like Baji said. 

You hop on behind him on his motorbike as he passes you his helmet, making sure it’s securely on your head before he drives off. 

For just a moment, the wind seems to blow all the worries from your mind. With your arms wrapped tightly around Baji’s torso, you close your eyes and think of those better days he had spoken about.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to see if they could really happen…

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 2/15/2023

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x reader #baji x reader #baji keisuke x reader #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo rev x you #baji x you #baji x y/n #baji keisuke x you #baji keisuke x y/n #tokyo revengers comfort #tokyo revengers oneshot #tokyo rev comfort #tokyo rev one shot #baji comfort #baji oneshot #baji keisuke oneshot #baji keisuke comfort

[genericpuff]

Same anon as before talking about writing stuff and worrying about if people will find it (but not the same anon as the other asks before that) - I think many people who are budding writers and artists have these concerns and bring them to you because you A). Are a creator yourself so you know what you're talking about in a verified sense and B). Idk about other anons but some of us (like me) take your reasoning (and critique) in regard to writing seriously because of your experience and how you analyze stuff such as LO.

I think at least some of us (again I can't speak for everyone nor can I or should I) wants to make sure they're not making mistakes such as the ones RS does in writing.

Also I might just take you up on your offer of Zelda fanfic - I do so love LoZ 😅.

ugh god, am I y'all's role model now or smthing? why would you do that to yourself (ㆆ_ㆆ)

okay but jokes aside, obviously people can't help who they look up to and I'm not gonna be a dick if y'all look up to my work and what I do here, just remember also that you're not obligated to agree with everything I say or take it to heart, you also shouldn't take my analysis of LO and how it's written/drawn personally because so much of that analysis is within the VERY specific definitions in which LO exists, definitions that don't really apply to many other webtoons on the platform. If there's anything I say or criticize LO for that speaks to you and your own work on a certain level, try not to take it as a direct personal attack towards you and more just like... if the things I'm saying about LO feel like they apply to your work, take it as advice for improving your own craft.

Or don't! You can literally ignore me and do what you were gonna do anyways. I literally cannot take that away from you and you absolutely shouldn't let me. I have no real power over anyone here, that's what I mean when I say I'm just a guy participating in their hyperfixation so don't feel like you gotta take me too seriously lmao

Also, yeah, okay, I'm a webcomic creator myself, but to put myself on the cross for once - I've never succeeded at this gig. Rekindled is the most consistent audience I've had in years, I think the last time my work was in a banner rotation was in 2015 (and it wasn't on WT), and I somehow make something like $20/month off Patreon. I've had small victories along the way, it hasn't been all bad, but this isn't my living and chances are low I'll ever find mass success with it. Everything I said about not taking my opinion too seriously because I'm just a random Internet guy applies to people like Rachel as well, while I criticize her work on the basis of it being a commercial product that should know better and I DEFINITELY harp on her for a lot of shit, at the end of the day she's in no way obligated to pay even a second of attention to me because she's made way more money in webcomics in the last 2-3 years than I could ever dream of making in the 10 years I've been doing this, that's something I can't take away from her and that was never the goal when it came to discussing her work. All I have to show for my own efforts is experience and rhetoric, and a few odd readers who have been around so long I wonder why they even still follow me LOL I am your typical "can never live up to the success of those who they criticize" chronically online shitposter. I don't think I should have to be on Rachel's level to be able to discuss her work, mind you, that's half the function of an audience to begin with, but it's not like I have any real legitimacy in this industry that you should worry about what I have to say. It's not like I'm capable of robbing Rachel of her awards or the money she's made lol

And by all means, go ahead and look for my fanfiction stuff, but I'm not providing any eye bleach because I wrote it when I was like, 13 years old, so search at your own risk lmao

(and if you do find it, no you didn't （︶^︶）/hj)

#ama #ask me anything #anon ask me anything #anon ama #lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus

[destinyc1020]

Hi 👋🏽 lurker here. I love your page but honestly feel too grown to comment on tumblr most of the time 😂

just wanted to chime in to say the biracial/black women convo is important and I really appreciate your perspective. I’m around Zendaya’s age, (slightly) older and I’m also a (biracial) light skinned black woman. Same foundation shade as Zendaya actually 😂. I can tell you this discourse was not a thing growing up. We were black, considered black by society, etc. it wasn’t until the past 5 years that I’ve seen people feel the need to distinguish us as “biracials” and honestly it has been a little hurtful and neglects our experiences as biracial black people. Yes we have privilege, absolutely. Now that I live in a city, I feel that more readily. I was also raised around a lot of white people so I can adapt fluidly in white spaces, which has been immensely helpful in my career. But all grass isn’t always greener on the other side, if that makes sense.

For example, I grew up in a rural sundown town. Guess what? I was the only black person many of them had ever seen, and on top of that being biracial made me, and I quote, an “abomination”. Can’t tell you how many times I heard that growing up. And I imagine even in hollywood there are remnants of some of that (less harsh) sentiment there. Is Zendaya privileged and does she have access to more roles because she’s lighter? Yes. Is she still probably fighting off “stereotypical” castings, being met with executives who say “a black star won’t make us money in China/Korea/europe/whatever”, is she offered less than her white counterparts, probably also yes. I think it’s important that we can acknowledge that Zendaya (and light skinned black people) is more privileged but I get so salty when I see people try to strip her of her identity or overly criticize her because she’s “not black enough”. I feel like the discourse around biracial people in particular has been on fire in recent years. I can understand the frustration people feel with society around light skinned folks and I absolutely admit that some light skinned folks abuse their privilege or don’t give back, but the discourse is really stripping us of our identity as BLACK people. I’m a black woman, society sees me as such and I am PROUD to be a black woman. Having one white parent doesn’t erase that from my identity.

hopefully people don’t take this the wrong way, but thanks again for your take. Love your blog!

First off, thank you so much for your sweet and kind words about my blog Anon. 🥰 I appreciate it!

I also wanted to say thank you so much for providing your views and your input as a biracial black woman. As a monoracial black woman myself, I can't personally know first-hand how it feels or what biracial black women experience in this country. It's nice to hear the "other side of the coin" for a change.

You and I are probably around the same age, and you're right, growing up there wasn't such a huge demarcation line btwn who is "black" and who is "biracial". Back then, everyone was just considered "black" if you have "one drop" of black blood lol. 😂 But over the past few years or so, there's really been a strong desire for some to classify. I get it... I think biracial black women (especially) do get a bit more favorable treatment in society and people tend to treat them differently, and they're deemed more "beautiful", etc. Not always, but a lot of times the underlying current is there, and it can be frustrating for those of us who are monoracial black to constantly see society uplifting ONE type of beauty over the other. I can see why some want to "clarify" or put certain people in a box.

I think everyone's experiences might be unique just simply due to their skin tone, or even how someone looks, attractiveness levels, size, region of the country they're living in, etc. So, there are a LOT of factors, so I totally get it.

With that said, I totally agree that while it is definitely frustrating to see certain ones in the "Black Community" being given opportunities more than others, at the same time, we really don't know what some of these "lighter-skinned" actresses have had to endure, what they're being told, or how they can be made to feel like an "other" or a "token" for some of them. 🤷🏾‍♀️

My main gripe with Hollywood is that it seems as though monoracial YOUNG black women are constantly being ignored in the industry. 😔 Growing up, I used to at least be able to name some popular monoracial black women who were famous/popular. We at least had Keke, isn't Raven black? lol..... But now days?? It's very hard to even see monoracial black women (young) who are given lead roles in mainstream films.... We're RARELY playing the lead, or even the love interest. 🥴

A lot of roles meant for "black women" are going to biracials lol. Again, I'm not mad (I love to see a fellow woc getting some shine), but it would just be nice to see some black women onscreen who look more like ME, and who are around my age. Yea, it's nice seeing Lupita Nyong'o (for example), or Angela Bassett (who I LOVE!), Kiki Layne, Janelle Monet, etc.... but every now and then, it would just be nice to see some younger monoracial black women who look like myself on the major screen again. 😔 Anyway, let me stop rambling....

#sorry for the dissertation #good points!

[dreamstatesims]

hey girlie, hope you're doing well; having a good day/night:

i wanted to ask if you could give any advice with building and landscaping? i've always been a huge fan of your sim style, and i'm currently looking to get into building myself.

was there any videos you watched or accounts that were able to help you jump wholeheartedly into the wonderful world of build/buy mode?

thank you soooo much in advance <3

hi! i could go on and on about this topic so thanks for asking. last year i wrote about building here, if you recall. since that one was more about "vibe" maybe this one should be a little more technical? idk, i'm a dreamy creative so i'm sure this'll get emotional anyway lol.

i suggest picking a world or architectural style and let one inform the other. then research that style, look at floor plans and dive into pinterest for a while before you start building. if you don't already have one, get one and go collecting inspiration that you can reference later. here's mine, if you wanna check it out.

when landscaping i think about two key things: what style of gardening goes with this build (manicured, overgrown, minimal, etc) and i consider the trees and/or flowers i see in the world around my lot. i'll incorporate some to blend on and off-lot gardening. and i can't emphasize enough how important terrain painting is! in my opinion it really anchors everything down. for example, i paint all around and under landscaped areas, trees, the entire perimeter of the house/buildings, and anything else like pools, decks, driveways. it creates depth and makes it look like these things are really sprouting out of the ground. also paths! even if you don't have stones laid down, think about the routes sims will take to get from one place to another, like from the back porch to the pool, the marks little sneakers leave under the swing set when simmies play, from the mudroom to the trash bins by the garage. grass thins out and you'll see some dirt showing through regularly trodden routes, so paint those on to make the area look lived in.

the simpler the floor plan, the better. even if you pick a floor plan that's complicated, simplify it. you don't need a garage? remove it or convert it into something else. too many little rooms and hallways? open up those spaces or take them out entirely and push the necessary rooms you want to keep into that area. you'll find your builds will be much easier to play in this way and it won't take sims hours to get to the kitchen or up the stairs.

i have general dimensions for rooms that really work for me: kitchen 5x6, 6x6, 6x7 dining 4x5, 5x5, 5x6 living 5x6, 6x6, 6x7 half bath 2x2, 2x3 full bath 3x4, 4x4 owner's suite 5x6, 6x6 bedrooms 4x5, 5x5 hallways 2 spaces wide

maybe a bit tricky, but think about adding rooms in the roof. a play room, guest room, second living room, or office space. hell, even just an attic you can convert later as your family grows. when building attics, i'll lay out the roof design first and then see where i can build rooms inside. for easier gameplay you'll want to then break down the roof into sections so when you lower the walls you can see inside and the camera won't bounce around.

twistedmexi's TOOL mod is an absolute gamechanger and i highly recommend using it to expand your lot outside the lines. EA has decorated the world outside of your lot with fences and other features that suggest you can absolutely push things further. i'll setup whatever i want outside the lot inside my grid first and then move it all out together. i do this for play areas, picnic tables and umbrellas, firepits and seating. i'll put cars parallel parked on the road or in the driveway EA has provided. and don't forget about debug items like electrical poles, post boxes, bus stops, fire hydrants and other stuff you'd see around a neighborhood.

i'm subscribed to a handful builders on youtube that i'll watch from time to time. it's great to see what other folks are doing because this community is so creative and you'd be surprised the little tricks you'll pick up. these are some of my favorite builders: simproved, simsphony, plumbob kingdom, simcubeez, bojana sims.

if you have any more questions on specifics or want an actual tutorial on something, don't hesitate to ask! and that goes for anyone reading this very long-winded post. kudos if you made it this far!

#asked and answered #ts4 tutorial #tutorial

[hatboyproject]

First, you are a legend. Second, I have finally broken down and started playing thru the ME trilogy thanks to (a) my ability to take a sabbatical, and (b) a friend buying me the legendary edition, and (c) threats of violence from my loved ones should I not play it. I've finished ME2 and I am 100% not booting up ME3 if there's snowball's chance in hell that the LE version of your mod is dropping any time soon.

*sings* you're not our bitch and you're not a machine * I'm a fic writer, I expect nothing. And I know this stuff takes forever and I 1000% expect the answer to be 'no' but the only thing I am inquiring is whether there is an updated ETA for your mod. OR if you have need for a legendary edition beta tester. OR if I can send you cash money to help offset the time being spent on a labor of love. OR if I should say -f- it and get my hands on the original edition of ME3 so the hatboy mod you've already (gloriously) provided us, works.

Also thank you for giving me hope that I will get to play a Shoker option, which makes the most sense thematically and narratively and I am aghast at what bioware chose to do with Joker (and EDI, wtf). You're doing god's work.

Just this week, I got some of the updated synths I've been waiting for, but I'm still waiting on BroShep.

I am still working on HBLE, don't you worry! In between writing fic myself, doing a painting, and a playthrough of ME3 to refamiliarise myself with its pacing, I have been going in and putting some necessary setup stuff in place, which is all very boring and un-exciting and not really showcase-able. Big chunks of the structure have been built, but most of the audio work has to be done, still.

In the OT, a lot of work had been done before I had the ability to read a line to the synth myself and have it transpose the voice directly, which noticeably improves delivery. So much so that it is difficult to use a lot of the previous edition's takes. This has the knock-on effect of the line needing to be re-animated because, of course, the timings of everything are now different with the new audio. There are very few lines whose takes will not be re-done.

Fortunately, however, I have my lipsync automation tools, and I'm much better at animating now than when I started. So it takes a lot less time this go-around... but still time!

Sadly and wonderfully, this is a massive mod and is much more than just a straight port. If it was a straight port, it'd have been done already. I would apologise for that, but I like to think the end result will be worth it, haha!

I am adding new content this time, including an entire conversation about his sister that you can unlock by completing some vanilla dialogues.

I am so glad that you've been enjoying your time with Mass Effect and that my mod is on your list of things to do. In what I am sure is the most shocking statement of the century, I agree that Joker is the most thematically satisfying romance for Shepard. I can't wait to get it to you! I promise, I am doing my best and there's nobody who wants it in your hands more than me.

Regarding testing, it's not quite in a state where it can be tested just yet. A few conversations work (first convo, EDI body convo, EDI discussion, some ambients) but nothing else yet.

Regarding supporting me, I do have a Ko-Fi. You can find a link to it in the pinned post, and donations absolutely do help my creative efforts, and I go a little feral when I see someone has donated. But as always, I want to make it clear; The Hatboy Project is free and will never be gated in any way. Everyone gets the same release at the same time. All you have to do is own a legit copy of the game... Which you already do!

Excitement like yours helps keep me going. Thank you so much.

Edit: lmao my link is not in my pinned post lol rofl it's hatboyproject.ko-fi.com tho

#shoker mod #hatboyproject #shoker #mass effect mods #private terminal mail

[tikkitoonart]

Merry Christmas! +Long fucking Life Update 🎄☃️🐧

Hey everyone! It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you're all having a good time celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any holiday with your friends and family. And if you don't celebrate, I still hope you're having a good day and spending time with loved ones anyway.

I myself had a really fun Christmas Eve, in fact it was the first truly festive Christmas I've had in years. I've recently moved in with my friend Cloud (https://www.instagram.com/rainclouddoodles/ // https://ko-fi.com/rainclouddoodles) and her family (not officially moved in, but I am living under their roof for now). Them and their relatives were lots of fun, everyone was just having a blast being loud and stupid together.

I haven't been that active online because of this recent shift in my life. I'm still getting used to this new environment, I'm still thinking about what I want to do with my life and who I want to be, where I really want to live long term. This is especially huge for me because I have always been a shut-in when I lived with my family: never went outside because I was too afraid, never talked with anyone, even with my own family, spent most if not all of my time just drawing and browsing online for hours. I've never even reached out to anyone I knew from school, simply because I've never felt like I was close enough with anyone, and I purposely distanced myself because it was just easier to be alone. I was completely miserable.

I do want to change that, but it will take me a lot of time to get used to things. Right now I'm too terrified of everything around me to really feel comfortable enough browsing my phone for hours on end and being active online like before. It's probably a good thing in a way, because even online I was miserable on every site I used. It's crazy. I'm in a completely different state. I'm SO far away from my family. It was the first time I've flown in a plane and it didn't even feel real. I couldn't even enjoy it because I was crying the whole time.

I won't get into too much detail with family matters, but despite not having the best relationship with them, I'm homesick as hell. I've cried myself to sleep many nights for them. I'm not used to living so far away from them, and neither are they. We're just too attached to each other. I've been making my best efforts to have frequent calls with them and open up to them more, and building and fixing up our relationship. Some days it's really hard.

Whether in the future I decide to move back in with my family or not, I think this was something we all needed, especially me. I really needed an opportunity, a push in the right direction to help me move forward in life, and I can't thank Cloud and her family enough for wanting to provide that for me. I also want to make my own family proud. We were broken before, and still are, but the most important thing is that we're working to get better. We are getting better with communication. I want to make it up to them for all these years of misunderstanding, isolation and bitterness.

I don't really know what else to add, other than the fact that I'm even less active online than before because of everything right now. At the moment, I'm drawing less and responding to less comments and messages until I can get situated here. I'm not even checking my feed as frequently. It will take a while. I will need some extra cash while I'm here though, so I'm in the process of opening up smaller/simple commissions (I do not have the time or energy to do full illustrations for commissions right now lol). Stay tuned for that if anyone here is interested.

Thank you all for being patient with me and thank you especially if you've read this far. I'm done yapping now. Please take care and have a Happy New Year, everyone.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Yes, shameless plug time. If anyone wants to donate to my Ko-Fi, I really appreciate it. And if you want a doodle in return, I've recently opened up a new slot for quick scribbles. Check it out! (I'll also accept PayPal and CashApp, if Ko-Fi isn't your thing.)

Thank you again, everyone.

#tkt newsflash #lots of reading and i get sappy sorry #ko fi sketches #shameless kofi plug

[katyspersonal]

I used to take meds back then from autumn 2018 to autumn 2019. They were helping with paranoia, hyperactivity, impulsivity, anger issues, delusions, panic attacks, etc, you get the drill. They had good effects, such as me having been rather calm (to the point people were joking about how nothing could ever anger or scare me, lol), as well as more focused on writing or drawing things more than I've ever been in my life. But also they've made me so sleepy that I basically barely finished my last uni year when dozing off at every class, and I had a hard time providing the engaged, invested, "nerdy" conversations on every other topic like I do. I just quit them because not only being sleepy ALL the time would not let me work a job normally, but I also started to worry that I've been losing myself as a person. I was just so... detached and boring in conversations while medicated? Like you guys here know me as a person who is chronically like this:

But when I was medicated, it was far not this way. I was giving like... kinda tame and normie responses and thoughts, still excited but not TOO excited, etc. I am surprised that even while being a total slug on meds, I still had it in me to start fearing of losing my "eyes on the inside" xd

But I've been just thinking about stuff recently. I still loathe it when it is being handled like "you are a dangerous harmful monster that doesn't deserve compassion and trust and should be exciled from society", obvs, but the problem itself exists. I am kinda too intense, too much, too impulsive, my mood can drastically flicker within a second and flicker back just as fast. And I am paranoid. This year I even exhausted another paranoid person with being worse at it than them :/ (it always reminds me of a dream I had once, where Mic0lash of all people told me that I was "too crazy" for him fdshfh xD) I am extremely blessed to have friends and simply familiar people who accept and love me the way I am, but I am really starting to think that maybe I should delve back into it. That maybe something was wrong with the meds or the dose I used to be taking and I should try again. It is just really strange that being healthier would be able to "ruin" my passionate, nerdy, engaged personality. I've always been 'over the top' with how I think and with my creativity, even before any mental illness showed up, so sure it is just me and not any sort of positive symptom...? Like, clearly this is just my autism, not one of those other "mental illness" guys?

Well, all this talk is just in the scenario if I get enough financial stability to be able to afford monthly repackaging of meds. I am just having second thoughts on whether it is really a choice with no good option, and that maybe that previous doctor just made a mistake with prescriptions (could happen with anyone, even a professional). Or maybe I needed to demand trying something else but didn't. And I just assumed that "meds are a diabolic device to destroy a creative, nonconforming brain" (notice how it itself sounds a bit like a paranoid delusion, so clearly those meds were not quite helping with it lol). Not gonna lie, I am still scared that being calmer will kill the "real me", but at this point pain, paranoia and anger keep chopping away from my days and from my good experiences. And I can't control it.

But maybe I just should not have expected to hit the right way instantly, some people try out different meds for years before they find something that genuinely makes life better. Like maybe I got scared of how things have changed and gave up too soon, when I should have like, bugged doctor to try something else. I just want to believe that I don't have to choose between "being nerdy and engaged" and "stopping having panic/anger attacks that quite literally make me lose my mind". At least I gather enough optimism and benefit of the doubt to consider delving into it again, so there is something..

#personal #mental health #mental illness #not gonna lie guys paranoia is a really hard thing to seek help with #because yes if you are wondering it can get as bad as me believing that people who try to help are 'enemies' #like i can't even describe how REAL even the worst assumptions feel #i suppose i am having a small window of 'sanity' because early fall always cheers me up #i am describing this sort of thing more vaguely since you need to be at least lvl 5 friend to unlock the details fsjd #but i think it is pretty clear especially if anybody here has/had similar problems #at least if i crawl from the current debt pit i know where to put money that come above the bare minimum line lol

[night-market-if]

Zinnia 🥺🥺 just finished chapter 12 and I have to say I love it. I'm feeling so many things right now that I don't know how to express them all, but I'll try.

I'm so devastated for Milo and MC. The moment Milo realizes the plan didn't go the way it should and it being too late just 😭 ugh even after all that how can I not love him????

I don't know how you always manage to make things make sense with each new revelation while still making us question what is going on! I feel like I understand him more now and like i don't know him at all, but I suspect that's how Milo likes things to be 😂

I still remember finding this blog when you were still writing paper lanterns and thinking to myself that I would read the first chapter when it came out to see if I liked it, and then wait until the night market was complete to start reading. I've been on the internet for too long and read too many wips that ended up being abandoned, so I didn't want to get my hopes up. But when chapter 2 dropped I couldn't help myself lol I'm so glad I didn't wait!

Reading your story each month has been like a warm blanket for me. It's one of my happy places now ❤️ Even reading your responses on here brighten ups my day a little bit!

Your characters feel so real that even when I disagree with them (Milo 👀) I can tell there is a reason why they are the way they are, how their pasts have shaped them, how complicated their emotions are in the face of what's going on.

Sorry for rambling, I don't know if what I'm writing makes sense because I'm still processing this chapter and english is hard 😂

Thank you so much for sharing this story with us, I can't wait to see what you have in store for book 2, bit in the meantime I'll be re-reading book 1 every chance I get!

Dropped wips was what I was so afraid of when this started. I knew I would see this through to completion if there was enough interest, but I started getting really worried about writers block. Or what if one of my kids got sick. Or what if something happened that just left me in a creative drop.

Since starting this story, I have gone through some personal things with my family life, have lived on only a Patreon income because my husband had to go on strike for almost three months, been up to my ears in medical bills, wondered how in the hell I was going to feed my kids at the time. We have gotten sick multiple times. We have started homeschooling. We have had breaks in very important friendships. And I just kept writing. It was a point of pride for me. That I was able to do this thing that I've wanted to do for so long, despite feeling sometimes like my world was being held together with Elmers glue. LOL! I don't regret starting this story for an instant. I don't regret the work I've put in either. It has provided me and my family with such a comfort over the last year that I completely understand when you say this story is a warm blanket. I am the author of it, yeah. But I am also a fangirl of these characters too.

Thank you so much for reading this and thank you so much for giving me a chance to prove what this story could be.

🪷✨🪷✨ If you want to support me 🪷 ✨🪷✨ 

Demo 🌿 Patreon 🌿 Ko-fi 🌿Discord🌿Kickstarter

#the night market #end game spoilers #anon love #chapter twelve #book 1 #interactive fiction

[megaherbs]

So when I was a teenager in the late 90s & early 2000s I was very into exploring gender identity. I didn't have the words for it exactly because I was growing up in Nebraska and things were very grim for queer youth, but I grew my hair long, painted my nails, played with makeup and wore skirts, dresses etc. Maybe just as often I would dress in more standard boy clothes but accessories and other aspects of my style and appearance were always very feminine. I don't know that I was ever moving towards transitioning, but I think I would have settled into a non binary identity.

I was attracted to girls and boys but naturally gravitated towards girls because I felt safer being myself around them, and while I often thought I wanted to be with all these cute girls I knew, it later dawned on me that I kind of wanted to simply be one of them.

When I was 17, I was hanging out with some classmates, drinking vodka, and I did way too much too fast and I blacked out then passed out. While I was out everybody took off except for one classmate who sexually assaulted me. I think I kissed him before passing out, so for a long time I thought it was my fault for initiating something that got out of hand, ugh. I won't go into deep detail but it was somewhat violent while I was passed out, and my neck, stomach and ass were covered in bruises and severe bite marks.

In the weeks/months afterwards, I stopped wearing feminine clothes, cut my hair short, got new glasses, abandoned makeup and nail polish. I wore gray slacks and black t shirts only, and eventually stopped shaving too. I didn't realize at the time what the incident had done to me, how thoroughly I had shut off the part of myself that I blamed for the assault.

It was entirely unconscious action to put myself back into a cut and dry "boy" mold and to try and blend in or even disappear completely. It took me over 20 years to understand this. In part because it was such an awful experience and I tried to shut it out entirely, but things always come back to the surface somehow.

I don't know why exactly I'm choosing to share this now besides the fact that some memories had come to the surface again and I was seeing another dimension to them. It's really hard to grow up, especially without a support system that can offer you the tools, vocabulary etc that you need. My family has always been good to me but my parents were born in the late 1940s in rural Nebraska & Minnesota, they did their best but didn't understand and I wasn't sure enough of anything to help them.

I will do my damndest to always provide support, clarity, love and safety to my children, and if they start exploring stuff that goes over my head, I will learn, I will find them community that can help if I can't.

I'm happy with who I am now but it's good to always explore who you are, it can be ever changing, fluid. I can't help but wonder who I might have been with better knowledge and community as a teenager. I was part of the "gay/ straight" alliance group as it was called when I was in high school, lol, but there was hardly even any gay kids in the group and I wasn't sure I was gay OR straight.

In summation, I'm glad I'm not still living in the early 2000s Nebraska, but mid 2020s Nebraska still sucks and all my friends moved away. Be good to each other.

#nebraska #trans #nonbinary #memories #gay #growing up #teenagers #tw sex assault #tw abuse #lgbtqia+ #2000s

[neonscandal]

Hi.....Do you mind if I ask you some random thing? I used to love shounen and shoujo manga equally....But ever since I found BL manga 3 years ago, my interest in shoujosei (especially het romance) decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead...I don't want to read mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...And what I want to read for romance mostly are just mlm or wlw stories....

What do you think is happening to me? Is it really weird?

Hiiiii, anon! I don't know if my answer will be helpful or not as I can't speak to your experience or what you feel specifically sets MLM and WLW-centered stories apart from hetships.

I'll start with the fact that I don't think I'd say something is "happening" to you. People tend to just read and gravitate toward what piques their interest. The exploration of which is kinda your own thing to navigate and, subsequently, to determine what that means to you. I randomly talk about finding identity through engagement with queer media but it's not something I'd project onto a stranger. Fetishization tends to be a really harmful byproduct of the prevalence of BL specifically so, as a cautionary thing, I'd ask you to consider whether you feel that's a component of your concern.

I will say I don't think it's weird. Apparently my blog has become an open ended discussion about BL lol but my IRL friends and I, in addition to BL, try to read stories with other alternative representation, as well. For context, I'm a black woman. Growing up, none of the books I read had main characters that looked like me or stories that intimately captured my experience as a black girl that I could project myself upon. (Even so, when asked some time ago for my favorite characters, a lot of them still didn't look like me but I was still able to inherently identify with them for one reason or another). These days, you're able to find stories, shows, movies, etc. that more realistically reflect the world we find ourselves in with diverse representation of race, disabilities, gender identity and expression and orientation (just to name a few).

We still have a long ways to go but, without adequate representation, there are probably a lot of people who would never consider 1) other people's perspective and experience within a world that has a lot of systemic issues, 2) that there are other alternatives to strictly being comphet, or 3) the challenges we take for granted for differently abled people.

I'm not an expert, I'm very much still sorting myself out in every way imaginable. I am, quite literally, just some nerd on the internet with gratuitously impassioned rants about anime so my credentials are lacking. But if you need my gold seal of approval - I think you're okay. It's okay to like what you like, whether that be media wise or people wise if that's what you're worried about. (Uh.. provided its not harmful?). Drink the wine (consensually) and be less concerned with the label. Additionally, I think there are a lot of icons out there that can probably offer better guidance, if not in a Q&A capacity, still in just existing and seeking to educate others that might be cool to check out like alokvmenon on IG and maybe some books that take alternative perspectives into consideration?

#neon asks #anon asks

[alo-piss-trancy]

Btw even if I don't check in here as often as I used to, I really do appreciate all of you who stick with this blog anyways c': Especially since I barely post anything 'kinky' myself anymore. So this is mostly just a gaming/media rant and personal blog now oops

In some ways I'm definitely better off than I was a few years ago, but I've also been dealing with a lot of chaos in my life and household and it doesn't look like it's gonna get fixed very soon. Mix of financial, physical health of me and family I've been heavily assisting, house things in desperate need of repair...

On top of that I've been starting to realize I might actually have developed some form of Agoraphobia from all that time I was housebound before... and other stuff, but I think that was probably the main contributor. I'm still looking into it but with how a lot of the other things I've tried to cope haven't helped, meds don't seem to touch it much, and it seems to be getting worse, it's looking more and more likely than I'd like to admit. Which sucks bc it's also going to be hard af to keep up with working to treat it with Exposure or smth if I'm buried in all the above stuff/have limited transport/places to even go. It's really freaking hard when I do rarely go out and the anxiety/illness makes it so much worse. There've been times I've had to give up and go back early after like, an hour bc I was vomiting/crippled with pain/on the verge of fainting... and that's been happening more often. Like 1 in every 3 times, and I may only get out 3 times a month at the worst points.

Idk. I'm trying. I'm keeping up with the bare minimum rn and that's all I can really say lol

Also the only problem that's actually relevant to kink blog: my drive is still at 0 or even the negatives bc I can't get my medication sorted out bc my appointments got pushed back AGAIN ☠️ So yeah. That's why there has been no writing or hc posts and will not probably be for a WHILE. On God, it's about as appealing to me as eating dry cardboard 😔 Trying to write or draw anything fun is like pulling teeth and if I won't enjoy the end result then I'm not gonna bother RIP. When I get that sorted out maybe I can finally touch my poor WIP pile again 😭

Uh yeah so. That's why I've been so absent for like... forever. I do miss checking in here but I also get in my own head sometimes about posting when I'm not 'providing' anything this blog was intended for. Which I realise is dumb bc it's MY blog and if I want to rant about video games only for like a year straight then I'm allowed to. But brains are Fun like that 🥲

For what it's worth I'm not in like, a fullblown mental crisis so please don't worry about that! I'm not in any immediate danger or smth! I do have some other hobbies I've been keeping up with and socialising in other spaces. And I've been reading. So I promise I'm not in a complete isolated depression pit 💛 Life could definitely be better and I def have some rough days, but I have been trying to take some baby steps to either fix things or keep myself sane at least lol

Idk I just felt like I should explain why I've been mostly gone for ages off and on. I do lurk here sometimes to peek at things even if I don't have the energy to show myself. But I do really appreciate anyone who sends asks or comments on my ao3 or just reads my ramblings lol 💛 Even when I can't respond immediately I still treasure the gesture and it makes me happy to see some of the same names around in my notifs/dash c': So thank you~

#bear txt #not omo #i know this is a lot and maybe tmi but i just need to get it off my chest #as bad as it is and sounds tho this is still leagues better than when I was sick af and in my worst depression #i'll take this over that hell. i would not have wished those years on my worst enemy #so yea i can get thru this i think i just need to figure shit out... hopefully #ironically i read a book as a kid with a character who struggled with agoraphobia and it was the most horrifying fate to me #and i was like wow that's so sad i hope i never end up like that #now here i am decades later like... haha. fuck. i might actually be in the throes of it