#long as fuck

[thediamondarcher]

imagine being called Victoria Annabel Spring

#long as fuck #osemanverse #solitaire #tori spring

[donnydamakkk]

jessica chastain know she love herself a two hour movie 

#jessica chastain #i watch them cus im in love w her #n they're usually good #but goddamn #long as fuck

[arctichotch]

The 'gold standard' screening tool for BPD takes an hour to administer. It is nonsense to say you cannot diagnose BPD in 12 hours.

Ok, well that's fair enough. And I do take that on board as I wasn't educated on that before (even though I still think that placing 2 big diagnoses on her after only meeting her once, still doesn't sit right with me. But I'm going to drop it). However, overall my opinion has not changed.

This is a long post. Sorry.

(Also it's been a bit since I have watched either Dr. Curry (her first testimony) or Dr. Hughes testimony, so once again could be wwrong in bits)

It doesn't change the fact that BPD is often a diagnosis thrown at women (75% of those diagnosed are women overall) who are claiming to be victims of domestic violence in an attempt to discredit them. Personality disorders are often weaponised by abusers to discredit their accusers. And BPD is often framed in a negative light by the general public, who are generally quite uneducated on BPD and those who have it, which has led to an overall general attack on AH at the time where the main points were that "oh she has BPD she must be abusive" (which was a very common trend during Dr. Curry's first testimony, esp on twitter.)

I will also admit that I am not entirely educated on histrionic personality disorder, as it wasn't even something I had heard about until Dr. Curry's testimony. So anything I have learned about it has been with this case in my mind and in a relatively short space of time, so I do apologise for any inaccuracies. From what I have gathered, HPD is derived from hysteria, a disorder attributed to women for not being the 'ideal' woman so to speak, characteristics in a woman that men did not like. So, automatically I discredit that in my own mind because it is 2022 and I would like to think we are past the point of accrediting a woman with a diagnosis of a personality disorder (HPD) because she has stepped out of the societal norms that are expected of her. here for some info I have considered on HPD

Also the fact that Curry had stated that Heard displayed signs of these personality disorders even prior to meeting her, just does not sit right with me. It speaks to a lack of objectivity to me and as someone who (possibly, idk i am not inside her brain) went in seeing what she wanted to see. She had signed the thing from Depp's lawyers to Heard's lawyers (idk the proper word, sorry) stating that she would testify to Heard's personality disorders, prior to diagnosis.

Now, it is also literally 3am so I don't know how much of this makes sense or if I am entirely right in any of this, so once again I apologise and am open to correction.

BPD and PTSD share many overlapping qualities. However, Heard has been diagnosed with BPD and Dr. Curry was very against the notion that she has PTSD. I understand that she considers Heard to have over-exaggerated about her symptoms of PTSD and once again I am not going to touch on that too much simply because I feel like at the moment I don't know enough about it. However, I thought Dr. Curry's characterisation of PTSD was just.. not right. I am no stranger to PTSD and felt sick when she was saying things along the lines of how a person with PTSD would not be able to function in day to day life. While I agree that an individual's functioning is obviously affected by having PTSD, it does not mean they can't function. Plenty of people manage and live with their PTSD every single day, especially if they are aware of it and know how to 'manage' it. It's not easy, but it's doable, especially for someone such as Amber who has a public image to keep up, placing extra pressure on her to continue to function to the very best of her ability.

Also, who is backing up Dr. Curry's claims of Heard having these two personality disorders and definitely not having PTSD? Because so far I have heard no one else claim she has these diagnoses and no offence but I am not willing to sit comfortable on Dr. Curry's word.

Now, the whole Dr. Hughes was unprofessional angle annoys me so fucking much (I know this anon did not bring it up, but it's on my mind so I'm going to touch on it a bit.) Dr. Hughes specialises in IPV, Sexual Assault and PTSD. She is well versed in testifying in cases such as these (She testified in R. Kelly's trial and the Keith Reniere trial).

The whole angle people have taken saying she gendered terms in her testimony in relation to IPV. She did this because it is what the statistics back up. Of course men can be abused by women. Of course they can. Anyone objecting that is wrong. It is something that happens. However, statistically, it is women being abused by men (1/4 to be exact, while it is 1/9 for men in the US).

It is natural, when speaking, to speak about what is most likely, especially if it is what Dr. Hughes considered was happening in this case. She's not going to spend every second of her testimony saying "this man abused this woman but also this doesn't discredit that men can also be abused by women but this is not what happened in this case." First of all, that would have made things confusing as all hell. Secondly, she was there testifying for Amber, a woman who is in court because the man she claims abused her is suing her. She was not there for Depp, the man claiming to be abused by Amber. That was not her task.

Dr. Hughes gave in depth testimony to the intricacies of IPV. I mean yeah, she was there testifying for Amber, she was getting paid by Amber's team. But then surely the same can be said to Dr. Curry? Dr. Hughes is not an idiot. She's clearly high in her field. Has worked for 25/30 years. She did not know Heard, she was not a patient of hers, she was going into this with an objective point of view with no prior conceptions. Dr. Curry, in comparison, has testified stating she is not qualified to testify in IPV cases.

She interviewed Heard, gave her a psychological test, reviewed medical and psychological evidence, met Heard in Sept 2019 and overall spent approx. 29 hours with her - 21 hours in person and some on zoom. This to me, straight away, jumps out at me compared to the 12 hours Dr. Curry and 2 (?) tests she gave Heard (i believe it was 2, if not do correct me.) Dr. Hughes also considered Heard's violent childhood, which also jumped out at me, because that is important and should always be considered.

Dr. Hughes speaking to incidents in their relationship is also something I've seen be picked at. She gave evidence. Tied her testimony to her opinion on Heard's diagnosis and the intricacies of IPV in their specific case. She tied these things into her knowledge of IPV, she wasn't banging out things that happened.

Also, I don't care what anyone says, having dinner and drinks with a potential client and his lawyers is not right. That immediately calls into question Dr. Curry's objectivity in this case. She did not previously state that she had met with Depp, Waldman and his other lawyers in this manner - which looks dodgy, imo.

The fact that people (Depp's defenders usually) will sit back and willingly, unconditionally believe the psychologist hired by the man this woman is accusing of abusing her and sexually assaulting her diagnoses while discrediting any and all diagnoses (or lackthereof in terms of personality disorders) is incredibly telling.

The fact is that Dr. Curry was hired by Team Depp to give her expert opinion of Amber Heard. This expert opinion of 2 (one incredibly misogynistic and the other one iffy) personality disorders was given after having met Heard once. Dr. Curry neglected to share that she had dinner and drinks with Depp personally there, and his team, until it was brought up in her cross. No other psychologist dealing with Amber mentioned personality disorder diagnoses.

So the real question, that has yet to be answered, is why should Dr. Curry be believed in her diagnoses of personality disorders over Dr. Hughes and multiple other psychologists who never mentioned anything about such disorders in relation to Heard.

This whole thing with diagnoses and psychologists plus the other physical evidence, the lies Depp has been proven to have told and Depp + Heard's testimonies tell me what I need to know. Johnny Depp abused Amber Heard. His only evidence of her abusing him was reactive abuse on her behalf.

Also, have purposely not mentioned the Spiegel guy because quite frankly I don't remember much of his testimony. And what I do remember (the substance abuse disorder stuff) I do not think he should have diagnosed Depp without ever meeting him (if he did this, which I do not actually recall so can't speak to it.)

Also pt.2, in all of this it is Heard's mental state being examined and questioned. Not once did Johnny Depp sit down with a psychologist. Not even with Dr. Curry. This is something that will be considered by the jury as to why they're hearing all about Heard's personality disorders or PTSD or whatever and nothing concrete on the mental state of Depp now or during their relationship.

(Also, Dr. Curry is not board-certified. I know, I know, this means very little in the context of how like only 4% (?) of psychologists are board-certified. However, it is to be noted. If Team Depp wanted to have the tip top kind of witness to completely discredit Heard and have it be believed by all, would they not have considered this? It's quite significant, and I have to believe it is something that will be considered when the jury reviews her (Dr. Curry's) testimony.)

At the end of the day, this is a defamation case. All they're meant to do is prove that Heard defamed Depp in her op-ed leading him to losing out on work and money. To have this proved, the jury needs to unanimously agree that at no point was Heard a victim of domestic violence. This isn't even about proving who is the abuser. But Depp has brought this on himself, allowing this all to be blown out into the open, when it didn't need to happen. It is litigation abuse, another way for him to continue to drag Amber through the trauma of their relationship. She is not the one who brought this back to court.

There's probably more I'd have to say, and honestly clearer arguments I could put forward, but it's now 4am and I am not thinking straight. If any information is incorrect, do let me know. But my overall point stands anyway.

#long long post #long as fuck #i stand with amber heard #is this even coherent? #truly what was the point really either #i think i miss writing essays for college #anywayyy #also lets in all of this keep in mind jd said he wanted to rape and burn amber heard when they were merely dating #iirc he said this even though he claims the abuse from her started ages later. #hes disgustang <3

[emptyportrait]

i'm actually so fucking sick of zionists using phrases such as "Was it worth it, Hamas?" cause literally what the fuck are y'all yapping about??? Israel has been indiscriminately bombing gaza in front of our eyes since last October, Israel has murdered more than 30 thousands Palestinians within 5 months, Israel is forcefully starving gaza, Israel is the one committing war crimes everyday, Israel is continuing genocide and ethnic cleansing. Israel. is. illegally. occupying. Palestine.

we all know who are the perpetrators here. and zionists can't gaslight people into "hamas started it" bullshit anymore. everyone is actually sick of Israel's dumb colonialism propaganda where they just repeat same old tactics “how dare you palestinians resist us, after we have your stolen land, freedom, human rights and subjugated your people under fascist colonial regime.”

Israel carry out atrocities in broad daylight and then go ahead blame Palestinian resistance for the said act of savagery they've performed, "O their audacity!" indeed!

#“free gaza from hamas!” how about i smash your head with a hammer?? #ain't nobody buying that shit #they've been doing this for last 75 #years since the nakba #enough is enough #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #free gaza #palestinian resistance #long live the resistance #fuck israel #anti zionisim #free palestine #gaza strip #gaza #palestinian genocide #Palestine

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

#i have to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night to even barely function #with sleep #getting ready for work #commute #cooking #and errands #I typically have maybe 2-3 hours to actually do what i want in a day #and I'm usually too tired to actually do the things i want to do #and that's with a very short commute #if i actually had a long commute I'd basically do nothing but work #i see my friends like once every few weeks or months #because we're all so fucking busy with work and have such little time for socialising #and none of us even have kids or anything!!

[hamletthedane]

I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.

What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.

What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.

What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.

The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.

And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.

But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.

I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.

#shut up e #long post #Saturday thoughts #this has been in my drafts for a week haha #also this is the heart of why AI art feels so wrong #forget the discussion of copyright and theft etc - even if models were only trained on public domain they would still feel very wrong #because they’re not art. art is the labor of creation #even commercial art and art commissioned by the popes and kings of history: there is humanity in the labor of it #unrelated: I did not know living in the Bronx was now something to brag about. How the fuck do y’all New Yorkers afford this city???

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :) #trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+ #lgbta+ #lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

[tofixtheshadows]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

#Dungeon Meshi #Delicious in Dungeon #Kabru #Kabru of Utaya #Laios Touden #Dungeon Meshi meta #you can have him in the tags too. as a treat. #Dungeon Meshi spoilers #this was directly inspired by livelaughlaios's post about Kabru self harming but I decided it got too long to make it a direct reply #this is a theory I've been working on for weeks because I kept noticing this while skimming for screencaps #I'm hesitant to trigger tag this because of the way certain subcultures on tumblr operate #but if anyone needs me to add a content warning please let me know #also I included image descriptions! I did my best #I think they even help illustrate my points but my god were they sad to write. Kabru is so fucking sad you guys #musings with Dea

[madscientistenthusiast]

Personally I think that Azula should have been redeemed simply so that she can become Zuko's horrible little advisor who whispers evil little plans to him so that he can do the exact opposite

#the only reason she gets this job is bc he doesnt trust her anywhere else in the palace #its like enrichment for manipulative girls #also so that he can set her on asshole deligates like a rabid little lapdog #she just has mean fuckin pomeranian energy that thing bites then lights you on fire w flames so hot theyre cold #i think their sibling dynamic could be sooo fucking funny its insane #azula #azula atla #atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #atla zuko #firelord zuko #DISCLAIMER I AM YET TO READ THE COMICS SO IDK WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IN THEM #also long overdue for a rewatch of the show its insane

[egophiliac]

bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word

I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.

(I'm sorry)

#art #twisted wonderland #(sort of atemporally somewhere between episodes 6 and 7?) #(i - i wanted that lilia joke okay) #long post #tumblr went 'you can post up to 30 images now :)' and i was like well okay then #anyway once again i'm sorry #i'd say i don't know why i did this but actually it is because i wanted kalim to scandalize everyone #i tried to keep it...you know...tasteful. a tasteful amount of fucks. #hey remember how the framing premise for the original birthday interviews was that yuu worked for the school paper #because i have never forgotten. in my head they are still getting up to all kinds of wacky reporting hijinks.

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

#warm up #writeblr #this one has bothered me for a bit #any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime #hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying #as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing #like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts #why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge #''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it #ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace #if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!! #men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible #ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing #the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....

[callisteios]

Would you like to find out what you would be the god of? Take my new uqiz to find out

#uquiz #have fun with it please #assigning the 30+ results was fucking exhausting #you can get #spins wheel #mascots #emojis #longing #microelectronics #and so many more! #quiz #tag game #etc #mine #callisteios #i will add more answers. when I have inspiration and or energy #muted

[rotzaprachim]

too many conspiracy theories about oil in gaza and not enough practical understanding of the fact that bibi netanyahu and his cronies have extreme personal reason to keep this war going as long as possible and at any level of civilian cost because the moment it's over he'll no longer be a wartime prime minister and will have to face the repercussions for being a massive reason why the october 7 attacks ended up with a body count as high was it was

#he is not popular. he has extreme reason to keep it going #he doesn't give a fuck about anyone in gaza but you've got to understand he's been massively implicated in the shitshow that was oct 7 #and he's refused to care about the hostages at allll #it is in his and his party's personal interests to keep this going as long as possible

[myrthing]

I struggle leaving my home. It is not agoraphobia. It is the primary, and often only, disabling factor of my life.

I can't be talked into, persuaded, cajoled, tempted, induced, guilted or otherwise influenced into leaving my flat. Or into doing anything I don't want to do, frankly, but nothing else is as big of an issue as going outside.

I guess I might respond to bribery, but only for a short time, and it's not like the city is going to pay me extra "get out the door" money as disability aid anyway.

It fucking sucks to be caught in this situation. I had attendance issues in school because of this, starting over twenty years ago. I have never had a job because of this. It is at least not the only reason I can't study, but it's a contributing factor there nonetheless.

I have improved a bit with stimulants, but the baseline is that I still will stay home. I am however pretty hopeful that they will continue helping me, since I've only been on a functioning dose since October and I might still be able to increase it.

Unsurprisingly, I'm not happy with the status quo. I am fully capable of doing a job. I am fully capable of doing a lot of jobs, frankly, provided the right accommodations. I'm partially capable of doing even more types of jobs if we decide that the span of time I would be capable of them is completely irrelevant (I can't work as a cleaner. See "I will not do things I don't want to do").

I am—metaphorically—dying with frustration aimed at myself. I am simultaneously taking up resources that would be better used for someone else, and not using the resources provided to me because they can't actually help me. There isn't any aid for "refuses to leave flat, has barricaded self in bedroom and refuses to speak". Manhandling being generally frowned upon.

....

.........

Eureka? I knew writing was a good idea: I think, now, that the issue is that I've gotten so good at acting normal that my actual struggles never go so far as to trigger me. I can talk my way out of situations that would make me melt down if they were pushed further, and I am listened to because I am disgustingly, awfully verbal*, I'm mostly fluent, I'm articulate, I'm middle class, I don't look different, I don't generally even act different, and I appear to understand myself so well.

This ties into what my mother and I discussed over dinner tonight, namely that we haven't used my depression as a tool the way we should have. I should have been getting my doctor to put me on sick leave every time the depression got the better of me, even when I haven't been working or had any kind of activity. Instead we've just treated depression as my default state, instead of the debilitating illness it is. Although I guess we're in good company: the healthcare system has never cared about it either.**

It does mean there's no documentation of my really deep depressive periods, so that sucks.

Anyway I lost interest in continuing this. I had a lightbulb moment but now it's two thirty in the morning and I have a headache and heartburn and I really should sleep.

*I was not particularly good at talking when I was diagnosed as autistic as a teenager, nor did I particularly want to talk. I have learnt to speak in the intervening... second half of my life. A fact some might regret because goddamn, I do not shut up.

**The depression is currently medicated, and medicated well, but it took a couple of years before anyone did anything for it, and another eight before I was put on a combination of medicines and dosages that actually works. Or it took precisely half my life, if we're counting stimulants.

#autism #adhd #disability #my migraines are the limiting factor with stimulants #long as fuck #depression #myling can tl;dr with the best of them #no one cares myling oh my god shut up #myling: just that impossible to shut the fuck up

[ash-and-starlight]

humble contribution

#basic: interpreting mizu’s gender based on what u think fits best #based wired inspired: interpreting mizu’s gender based on the ship so that it’s always a gay relationship #also whoever drew taigen’s nose Like That.. #i am forever thankful i need to kiss them with tongue #ode to taigen’s nose: page 1 of 204737835737493 #did i spend too long on this instead of just simply grabbing screenshots? look away #blue eye samurai #mizu #akemi #taigen #taigen’s top knot before it met its early end teach the angels how to sing baby 😔🙏 #ringo #my art #yuri is when there’s blood and themes yaoi is two blokes who do fuck all

[fanficmemes]

Love when writers do an insane amount of unnecessary research for their fics. I follow an author that did like 8 months of intense research into 14th century Scotland so they could write smut about it, and guess what. It was some fucking incredible porn AND I learned about old Scottish politics

#personal tag #and I’ll stand by them!!!! #author of this fic I summon thee to this post #I love your intense research and I don’t give a FUCK how long it’ll take to post a chapter #take your time I’ll be here :):)