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kierancaz · 6 months

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Saving The Dance.

note: this is based off of a video I saw on TikTok about watching little women and only seeing Hermione and Regulus Black in Meg and Laurie. Someone made a comment saying they wanted a fic of this and I said I’d write one and then like 30+ people responded saying they wanted to be tagged so here I am. Sorry if the speech is very old-timey I’ve been reading a lot of period piece novels and watching a lot of period shows I don’t actually remember how to write them like people who aren’t from the 1850s.

warnings: none, tad bit of Ron hate maybe but mot really bc I love him and he’s my boy. Also Ron x Hermione bc Ron redeems himself. Obviously this is not canon compliant ALSO THIS IS NOT A SHIP. my girl Hermione gets shipped with everyone in Harry Potter even if they are two decades older than her and dead so this is NOT A SHIP.

Ron has done it again. He has ruined yet another ball for Hermione. First was the Yule Ball and now it was the Blacks yearly Summer Solstice Celebration. Hermione was so looking forward to this but of course Ron had to go and ruin things by opening his big mouth.

As the name implies, a member of the Black family holds this celebration in the first day of the summer solstice each year, this year it was Regulus turn. The ball was being held at 12 Grimmauld Place. Sirius had passed the house down to Regulus because he wanted nothing to do with it, since then Regulus had made some great improvements on the place.

However Hermione was enjoying none of these improvements. She was sitting solemnly on a couch, resting her head over the back of it so she can stare out the window and mindlessly pick at the loose threads. Since she had sat there not one person had come to see how she was though she was very clearly upset.

Harry was off galavanting with Sirius, Ginny was discussing something with Draco (most likely quidditch strategies, that’s all they ever talked about). Fred and George were slipping something into Mr. Malfoy’s drink as Neville and Luna acted as a distraction (Hermione watched this for a while as it was mildly entertaining. Neville was stumbling over every third word and Luna was speaking with her ever serene, if a little… absent, smile about something that was very obviously making little to no sense to Mr. Malfoy. But he didn’t seem to know how to properly excuse himself from the conversation). Remus was very deep in discussion with Mr. Moody and Tonks about something that Hermione thought was probably very interesting, as Remus always had good topics of discussion, and Ron. Ron was resolutely avoiding her after their blow up fight earlier. He was even going as far as to talk with Blaise, Pansy, Theo which she didn’t believe he had it in him to do so. But apparently their fight earlier had pushed him to the most drastic of measures as to not have to talk to her or be asked why he wasn’t talking to her.

Suddenly, there was a weight to the right of her that landed on the couch, it was the host himself. “My dear Hermione, why’re you sitting here by yourself instead of dancing with everyone else?” Regulus asked. Hermione used to try and call him Mr. Black, but he insisted on being called Regulus just like how Sirius was just called Sirius and Remus was just called Remus.

Hermione gave a half hearted smile but it slipped off her face almost immediately, “I don’t feel much like dancing.” She said quietly. There was lively music playing and as she looked out at the floor she saw many people dancing together in pairs. They danced together and spun around in some formation that looked like some traditional dance that you might’ve found in the 1860s somewhere.

Mr. Malfoy had managed to weasel out of his conversation with Luna and Neville and was dancing with his wife. Whatever prank Fred and George were trying to play on him either hadn’t worked or hadn’t worked yet. Luna and Neville were dancing together, Sirius was dragging Remus onto the dance floor (Hermione giggled, Sirius looked ridiculous trying to force Remus to dance and Tonks was laughing hysterically in the background), Draco was dancing with Pansy and Matteo and Theo were also dancing together but Matteo seemed way more into it than Theo was. Ginny and Harry had also just joined the floor, laughing together as they hopped around in circles.

Regulus tilted his head to the side as he put both his hands in his lap, “why not?” He asked, drawing Hermione’s attention away from the dance floor. She bit her lip and looked at her own hands which were lightly tugging at the frills on her dress.

“I don’t know, I just— it’s silly, I just, I suppose I don’t feel pretty enough to join everyone else tonight….” She said the last part quietly, memory of Ron’s nasty words from earlier threatening to bring tears to her eyes once more.

“Why, that’s just absurd!” Regulus said, his eyebrows furrowed as the dancers in the background clapped to the song as they continued dancing. “Who would put such a thought in your head? I hope it wouldn’t be yourself.”

Hermione just shook her head. As angry and upset as he had made her, she wanted to rat Ron out and potentially get him in trouble, especially if Regulus told Mrs. Weasley. They would work it out, eventually, they always did. After a few moments of silence Regulus seemed to understand that she wasn’t going to give up the name of the person who had made her feel so unpretty. So he nodded and stood up.

“Hermione you are one of the most beautiful young ladies here tonight, would you do me the honor of having the next dance with me?” He said dramatically as he bowed and held out his hand for her to take. She felt slightly embarrassed by the gesture, but it worked in putting a smile on her face.

She took his hand and he brought her to the dance floor as the music picked up again. The stood facing each other and as they did it dawned on Hermione, “wait, but I don’t know the dances!” She said with slight panic in her voice, Regulus laughed.

“No need to know them! Just follow my lead and you’ll be fine.” And after that the dance started and Regulus pulled her with him as he moved.

By the middle of the dance Hermione had found her rhythm. But it didn’t really matter, the dance was mostly fancy hopping and heel clicking with your hands behind your back or spinning or stepping and stepping out. It didn’t take long for a smile to stick itself on Hermione’s face. Instead of trying to teach her the proper dance Regulus tried to make the dance fun, and so it was.

After three dances it was time for a break as Hermione didn’t think she could feel her toes anymore. She walked off the dance floor feeling much lighter and laughing the whole way, when they were on the outskirts of the floor Regulus took her hand politely and bowed deeply thanking her for the dance which made her giggle. He excused himself to go find his brother while Hermione grabbed herself a drink.

Someone cleared their throat behind her and she jumped, turning around to see none other than Ron. He was looking rather awkward as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

“Ron… is there— is there something I can do for you?” Hermione asked in the most indifferent and uninterested tone she could muster as she squared her shoulders and cleaned her face of the joy she had been most obviously feeling moments before. Ron coughed awkwardly, stuttering for a moment as Hermione’s facade fell quickly.

“I— I just wanted to say… I’m sorry. For earlier I mean. And— and I take back what I said. You look… you look very beautiful.” He was blushing furiously, playing with his fingering and wearing a worried expression like he thought maybe she wouldn’t forgive him. But she sighed, a soft smile creeping onto her face.

“Thank you. I’m sorry for what I said too,” she sighed and there was a pause. “So… how was talking with Pansy and the others?” Ron let out a huff and slapped his hand to his forehead.

“Bloody horrible!” He exclaimed, “those have got to be some of the most uninteresting people I’ve ever met. Should’ve apologized sooner so I didn’t have to sit through whatever stupid gossip they were talking about. I mean, who really cares what guy Romilda Vane is gunning after these days?”

Hermione couldn’t help but laugh and Ron smiled at her. Once she stopped laughing her offered her his arm, his blush creeping back up onto his cheeks. “Um, Hermione? Would you, dance with me?” He said, chuckling nervously.

Hermione smiled, grabbing onto his arm. “Of course, Ron.” He grinned back and when the last song ended and people started to reconfigure themselves Ron and Hermione joined them. They stood facing each other and just past Ron’s shoulder Hermione caught sight of Regulus.

They met eyes and smiled, he smiled back raising his eyebrows momentarily and winked before being met by Pandora Lovegood. He nodded before following her out onto the dance floor.

Hermione looked back and met eyes with Ron, an uncontrollable grin plastering itself on her face. Maybe tonight won’t be that awful after all.

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lil-tokyo-42 · 11 months

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Loki laufeyson x Y/N Time of love

alr New fanfic series! kinda nervous bc idk what to do- BUT ILL TRY MY BEST LITTLE ONES!!! listening to my hype playlist aint helping im abt to dance

WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, cursing, strict parents, knife/dagger. if you dont enjoy or feel comfortable with these topics you're free to leave!

-You were a simple 29yo woman with abusive parents. You had no other place to stay, and your best friend had strict parents. They don't allow anyone else but family members in their house. You were in a miserable life, but your friend supported you all the way. Today those sorry excuses of parents let you go to the busy street where it looked so beautiful. Can't believe they let you out the house with booty shorts and a oversized hoodie and headphones

(this but it was night time)

-Just now getting out of a place you see everyone freaking out suddenly. "What the hell could be going on?" whispering to yourself. You saw this gut in gold, green and black holding some staff with a bright blue light at the end of it. To be honest, he was kinda cute. He starts to introduce himself. You thought this guy was just doing the most, until he shouts. "KNEEL". Every person starts to kneel before the man, he did look dangerous and like he can do some serious damage to this part of the town. You jumped and stood there against the shop wall.

-He starts to look if everyone followed his order but his eyes are locked to yours. You wanted to run out of there and get to your house but you didn't budge. He makes everyone make a path to get to you. Your bag of food dropped out of your grasp, your eyes went wide, and you started shaking. He's in front of you. Staring at you. You expected worse like he would make you kneel but, he took off his helmet and put the staff against the wall

-"Hello there mortal." He says blandly looking up and down at your figure. You start noticing and wanting to cover your plush thighs but you feel like you can't move. He starts to speak but notices your red face looking somewhere else from his gaze. "I'm Loki, God of mischief and I am burdened with a glorious purpose" Did he really just say that? "O-Oh I'm Y/N" Stuttering because of his tall figure with his hands next to his mid section to show that he wont hurt you.

-Out of nowhere he makes a dagger appear and hands it to you. He smiles while you hesitantly take it from his cold hands. "Thank you.." "Don't think of me as a villain, I'm like you. Neglected." He sure did look like it. You thought this was a myth but you snapped out of your trance when some guy in the american flag colors appears behind ya'll. "Excuse me for a moment" Loki says giving a warm smile and wink.

-You were positively sure this was not the first meeting you guys would have. You grabbed your bag and ran back to your house. Opening the front door, your dad comes to the door to yell at you but then notices you're shocked and almost traumatized. "The fuck your scared for? We didn't beat you up THAT bad!" You don't give an answer, but the fact that you met a GOD. A LITERAL GOD. "Why aren't you ANSWERING MY QUESTION!?" Your dad yells before throwing a beer bottle at you. You then again snapped out of your trance and use the dagger that Loki gave you

-You crashed the glass bottle to the floor and your mother then came to the scene to find a shocked father and a scared but still shocked daughter. "What the actual FUCK is happening?!" You were gonna say something but your father just had to cut you off. "YOUR STUPID LITTLE GIRL JUST CRASHED AND SPILLED A FRESH BEER BOTTLE TO THE FLOOR" You looked at him with disbelief. "You threw it at me! What was i supposed to do?!" "LET IT HIT YOU BITCH! WHY DO YOU HAVE A DAGGER TOO?!" Your mom just stood there but then heard you had a dagger, she never raised you like that but then again she abused you from 4 years old.

-"What is wrong with you Y/N?!" That. Was. The. LAST. Straw. "Y'know what? I'm DONE! IM 29 YEARS OLD, A FUCKING ADULT. YOU WONT LET ME LIVE MY LIFE, YOU WONT LET ME HANG WITH THE ONLY FRIEND THAT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE FAMILY, AND THE FACT YOU GET MAD OVER THE SMALLEST THINGS!! I MET A GOD WHO'S FIGHTING A SUPERHERO, AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES YOU BEAT ME UP!" The parents look flabbergasted at the sudden outburst of their daughter "Do you know who your talking to little girl!?" your mother who had the audacity to blurt. "YEAH THE BITCH WHO CANT TAKE PROPER CARE OF THEIR DAUGHTER!" You said before leaving once more to your room to pack up and leave this retched household. -I wonder if i'll meet him again...- (- - mean thoughts)

GAWD DAUYM AM I TIRED. sometimes on july i just cant sleep and it happened last july so thats why this took so long but I TRIED MY BEST LITTLE ONES (why does little one remind me of thanos???)

#loki x you #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x yn #loki fluff (?)#WHY IS THERE A HASHTAG OF LOKI X GRANDMASTER #tf wrong wit yall bro #nvm now i know why it reminds me of thanos.

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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Ive been in the fandom since the vine days and let me just say that I don’t understand why Sam has never been shipped with ANYONE except Colby pre-Katrina. They would go to these creator things and it was always what viner is next to Colby, never Sam. There was one girl who was their friend and waaay cuddlier with Sam but people only saw Colby. Even before he introduced kat you’d catch her in the back of peoples videos and postings and people suspected but didnt care. Once he did introduce her people didnt like her, but again the attention wasnt as big until they moved into the traphouse because he barely showed her at all. I know Sam is closed off but i feel he hold more tea than Colby so can we manifest chaos from Sam lol because what is that boy really about.

idk if this will make sense, but the air of mystery that colby seems to have is actually very much present with sam. sam is mysterious, colby just claims to be, you know what i mean? while a lot of the stuff i know about colby isn't the full story, i can at least maybe piece some stuff together, make some assumptions that sound close to reality, and come up with a non-canon version of him in my head, so to speak. but sam…. different ball game. that man is a phantom. you don't see him coming or going. i know literally nothing about him, and it is quite infuriating.

that being said, i don't even know what chaotic sam would look like. cause even drunk sam isn't that crazy. sure, he dances on tables or joins twerking competitions mid-cruise, but none of that is really all that crazy. i was saying this to someone not too long ago, but i don't even think that man has done any hard drugs. like, the worse drug he's probably taken is when he broke his back. i don't think this man even smokes weed! he's probably tried it once or twice, but like… that's it.

i know you're more asking about his dating life, but if i were to make an assumption about his overall personal life: i think sam is closed off bc he doesn't know who he is. i think he's never really been in touch with his emotions, which is something he's tweeted about a couple times before, and bc of that he doesn't really know how to express himself. i think he wants others to like him a lot, so for years he's tried to fit in a box that marks off what ppl expect from him. and when he himself grows tired of that box, he tries to find a new one that fits the newer image ppl want him to be.

i think that's why sometimes some of the things he says can seem a bit out of place. like prime example is when he's talked about wanting to move to mexico and just go learn the language naturally, or just randomly leave and go to a different country and surround himself in the culture. while those are great aspirations to have, he never includes colby or kat in those travels. he's doing them solo, without them. and that feels… weird. or in the worst way, selfish. bc we're so used to him being in a duo situation, whether it's snc or him and kat. he's always with someone. and we've been told again and again that he's a good friend and he's a good boyfriend. but a good friend or boyfriend wouldn't just up and leave their best friend or girlfriend behind. but, i don't think in these situations he's being selfish. i think this is him actually expressing himself for the first time outside of the box we think he checks off.

weirdly, and i was just thinking about this as i was writing this out, while colby loves being by himself and getting his alone time away from ppl, he can't actually be alone. he wouldn't be able to survive being completely alone. i mean, even just living in a different apartment almost sent him into a hermit spiral. that man wouldn't get off his couch for days sometimes, and that in itself is a topic for a whole other ask. but sam, i legitimately believe, could go live on his own away from everyone he cares about and be fine. i honestly think if he did that, it might put a lot of things into perspective for him. maybe he realize how deeply he cares for the ppl around him, or how maybe their opinions matter more than the others he's been trying to please.

and as for his love life, prior to kat of course, idk. that's even more shrouded in mystery than his actual personality so… god knows what he was like.

#ask #personal #sam golbach

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hitomiheart · 2 months

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i need to rant abt men in kpop ❤️

first of all i am not a fan of any boy groups and know very little about them in general. thankfully this isn't twitter so i don't think i'll get shit for making a post on my blog with my own opinion butttt just in case ! my intention is not insulting or speaking ill of any boy groups. if i ever did (lmao) it would be because of their music (sorry) and not them as people because, again, i do not know anything about them !

that said:

i'm fairly new to kpop. i got into it in 2021 so there's a lot of ~history~ that i wasn't part of - whether that is fandom dynamics or kpop events etc. so, to my understanding, girl groups weren't always as popular as they are now. and i can fucking tell. there are two main things that annoy me when it comes to people's reactions or behavior towards girl groups: 1. fans making everything about a male idols and 2. men in the industry itself making everything about male idols. i know number 2 is a nuanced situation but i just wanna talk about my personal pov, as what i stated above: new to kpop, gg stan.

1. fans making everything about a male idols: pretty self-explanatory. i consume kpop content mostly through youtube and twitter. it drives me insane the amount of people constantly bringing up boy groups when they are NOT the topic of conversation lmao i know bts are hugeeee as well as their fanbase and i know that is an issue between fandoms but godddd these ppl drive me insane lmfao. i'm mentioning bts bc i know how big they are so it would make sense for them to be brought up by fans more often but it is also the case with other groups that i won't mention bc i already got my point across. given the competitive nature of the entertainment industry this is bound to happen but i can't help but feel like girl groups are constantly being diminished for not being as great or cool as the big boy groups are. one example is a very recent one: it was the first year anniversary of lee chaeyeon's knock, posted by the ggs anniversary acc on twitter which had around 3k likes last time i checked but someone quoted the tweet with a video of chaeyeon dancing with a seventeen member. dino, i think it was. no problem with the video itself obviously, i always look forward to seeing chaeyeon interacting with other idols especially if they are good dancers. point is, this tweet had double the likes the original one lmaooo and people were making chaeyeon's important step in her career about a male idol. i know fans probably don't mean to do this, to intentionally steal the spotlight in this case from chaeyeon but as a fan it just annoys me deeply. i also know people can be multi stans. but still. it's just something that personally throws me off. there is nothing i can do about that except this rant lol. nothing against seventeen btw i think they are very talented and it's one of the groups that i respect and sympathize with!

2. men in the industry: this is a tricky one bc the point i want to get across is based on the hybe game caterers thing lol and as i mentioned before it hasn't been that long since i'm a kpop fan and stan just a few groups so this argument is merely based on a specific situation that bothered me. ok, so. obviously i was watching this youtube series (again) bc i love le sserafim and fromis_9 <3 and it is through these videos that i actually got to know from the bgs and i was like you know what,,,, these gentlemen aren't so bad ! lmao. if you know what videos i'm talking about, you'll remember that the three finalists of the random play dance competition were eunchae, seoyeon and soobin. towards the end of the competition there's a bit where some male idols were gushing over how cute soobin is, how good of a dancer he is, etc etc (which i agree with! adorbs). basically leaving all the compliments for him and barely talking about eunchae and seoyeon lol. and not only that! during the majority of the game all the comments were about yeonjun, because he also knew all the dances. like damn, even with women being 2/3 finalists the attention is still all over soobin? 😭 i do have to mention that i gained hugeee respect for seungkwan, who was hosting along na pd, because everytime this happened he would actively redirect the attention towards the girls, complimenting them. love him. he was funny, witty, respectful. 10/10. now, this is where the nuance comes: i'm aware interactions between men and women in the industry are a touchy subject. idols are careful not to cross any boundaries and whatnot to avoid dating rumours/scandals. but either way the situation over all seemed so unbalanced lol and i'm glad seungkwan came through. a true ally. on the other hand, this a sort of major scale situation, a big event where 2nd, 3rd and 4th generation artists come together, which could be an indicator of this being a common ocurrence. and we do live under a patriarchy after all.

so yeah i think that's all. it's a bit frustrating seeing your favorite women being constantly swept under the rug, even when they are the ones ruling kpop at the moment.

if anyone gets to read this, let me know what you think. have you thought of this before? do you think there's been a positive shift in men's behavior towards women in kpop? can you think of other examples? am i being crazy and need to go outside? i'm open to discussions 🤍

#hopefully i'm not forgetting anything #i know this is very chronically online of me but i am unemployed and emotionally dependent on my girlies #and a raging feminist #and a hater #so.#i mean i don't think anyone's gonna read this anyway 😭😭😭#maybe that's a good thing !#discourse #kpop thoughts #can you tell i have a degree in a humanity field #i hope the bg stans don't find me

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parkersroses · 3 years

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champagne problems. | harry styles.

summary: Harry and Y/N meet again after things fell out for them.

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

word count: 7.3k words

trigger warnings: mentions of mental health issues and attempt of self harm, angst. if these are triggering to you, pls do not read this.

a/n: (gif credits to @letsmakesomeonehappytoday) i’m super nervous about this, also this is definitely the longest i’ve written. i began writing this last december bc i absolutely love the context of the song and i felt like writing something that touches important issues like mental health. i read and did research on how i could write this properly without having it look like i was romanticising the topic. if you do find it that way, pls feel free to leave constructive criticism so i can further improve and amend on my writing. don’t feel obligated to read this if it is triggering to you. here is a link to some mental health hotlines, i might add some more in another if i find any that are reliable. don’t be afraid to ask for help or even help others if you know they might be struggling.

reblog, comment if you like it or not, or even start a conversation. donate to my kofi if you’d like to support me further. i love you all.

The relaxing and sensual sound of jazz music filled the room. The chandeliers hanging above casted a golden glow over it, making the room more elegant than it did. People were dressed in nice clothing for the new year celebration.

Harry was not one for New Year’s eve parties, having to prefer sitting in the comfort of his home, sipping on some champagne as he tries to ignore the loud fireworks going off. But considering it was one of his old friends that was hosting this particular party, there was no way he would deny it. He enjoyed having to see his old friends again after a busy year of filming a movie for the world to see one day.

He stands with his friend, Jake, as he holds a champagne flute in one hand. Talia, his recently girlfriend-turned-fiancée, standing next to him with an arm wrapped around his waist. It had been two weeks since he proposed and two weeks since she said yes to marrying him. It was a joyous time for them after nearly a year of dating. Some might think they rushed but Harry ignored them. He knew if the time was right, then it would be bound to happen eventually.

Harry’s eyes scan through the sea of people while Jake and Talia are discussing animatedly about something he probably isn’t paying attention to all that much. His eyes wander around until they fall on a familiar figure. He blinks his eyes hard enough to make sure they aren’t playing tricks on him, and they aren’t. The person who he knew and loved before. The person whom he intended to spend the rest of his life with. The person who left him, not giving him a reason as to why.

Y/N stands with Natalia, occasionally sipping on her champagne as they talk. He should have known that their group of friends would stay in touch with her, even after they broke up years ago. She wears her casual dark jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt and heeled boots. A contrast to those around them, wearing fancy dresses and suits. She always stood out in her own way. It was why he loved her then.

Harry let out a breath, seemingly couldn’t believe that his ex lover is here in the same room as him. Talia notices this and questions, “Babe, you alright?” Harry breaks away his gaze from Y/N before smiling at his dear fiancée. “Yeah, m’fine. Just saw an old friend, s’all,” he assures her as he sips on his drink.

“Oh, d’you want to talk to her?” She asks, and Harry shakes his head because if he did, he wouldn’t know how to act or say to her. “No worries. Maybe later,” he says.

As time passes, Harry finds himself focused on Y/N numerous times. In his mind, he is already thinking of ways to talk to her. What would he say to her? Would she even want to talk to him? Or were they going to pretend everything was fine before she left him?

When he looks around for her again, he freezes as he sees her eyes staring right back at her, almost looking in shock as he is there too. There is a glimmer in her eyes that he always noticed. She gives him a small yet timid smile from across the room before breaking away from the eye contact.

Harry decides to pick up what’s left of his courage in his body to walk over and greet her. He leans into Talia’s ear, whispering to her. “I’m just going to meet an old friend. You’ll be okay here?” He says. Talia looks up at him and nods. She assures him that she’ll be alright, saying that she’ll talk to some other of their friends.

As he leaves her side, he walks through the sea of people to look for the person he hadn’t seen in a long time. Harry finds her grabbing another glass of champagne from a nearby tray and he smiles at this. He always knew she liked champagne. She doesn’t notice him walking up to her until he clears his throat. She turns around and her breath hitches as she sees him. Harry’s mouth dries up instantly as his eyes gazes upon her. Despite years of knowing her, he still found her beautiful.

The corner of his lips curls up slightly. “Hi,” he says quietly, his breath slightly shaking as he spoke. He isn’t sure whether she heard him, but her reply seems to answer that. “Hi,” she replies, with the same nervousness in her voice.

“Fancy seeing yeh here,” he chuckles. Y/N smiles at this; while it was awkward to have seen her ex in a long while, he never fails to make the situation comfortable for them. “Y-Yeah, you too,” she stutters.

She is not going to admit it aloud, but she misses the sound of his voice. How deep and raspy it could get. She misses his voice being the first thing she hears when she wakes up, or the hums she would hear in her ear as they would dance with no music on. She misses his touch whenever he holds her close, warmth and protection radiating from his body onto hers. She misses everything about him despite them not being together anymore for a long time, she admits but never out loud.

Silence fills the gap between as they both figure out what to say. On one hand, they can pretend everything is alright and converse like old friends. On the other, they can push their fears aside and talk about what is actually in their minds that seem to have an affect on their current relationship.

“So, how’ve yeh been?” He hesitates to ask. He’s not sure whether she would lie to him or give him the proper answer he needs. The answer he wishes he knew. Y/N doesn’t know how to answer that without making it sound as depressing as it is. There had been many times she wanted to give him a reason why she left him, to give him a little bit of closure that he deserves. Perhaps it is her pride that prevented her from doing so.

“I’m alright,” she says with a small smile on her lips. Her answer could be a lie or the truth. “And, you?”

He nods slightly at her answer. “I’ve been alright,” He gives her tight smile back. “Been a while since I last saw you,” he says and she nods. “Y-Yeah, way too long,” she says quietly. It’s hard to ignore how insincere the smile he gave her is. Y/N knows him all too well, even when they were no longer together. She knows by that smile that there’s something on his mind, something he wants to say. But she doesn’t question it.

Harry is aching to ask her. To ask what happened between them, why she left him without a warning, why she had to break his heart the way she did.

It’s almost like she senses what he is thinking because she then suggests to him. “Want to go outside for a bit?” She gestures to the backyard with her head.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Harry breathes out. He almost cringes at how desperate he sounds. “Um, after you,” he says, gesturing his hand towards the door. She softly thanks him and Harry follows right behind her outside.

“So-”

“I-”

The pair speak simultaneously as they walk and they both laugh at it. “Sorry,” she says. Harry dismisses this. “No worries.”

“You look great, by the way,” she says. Harry smiles at her compliment. “Thank you. You look amazing too,” he returns the compliment. She blushes a bit before muttering a soft ‘thank you’ under her breath.

The cold air wraps around the two bodies that once knew each other’s intimately. The stars look brighter that night and Y/N takes a deep breath as she stares up at the sky. She doesn’t realise how Harry looks at the small breath she let out, or how he admires her side profile like he used to when she sleeps. He stares at her for a bit more, like he’s remembering again what she looks like, before averting his eyes to the night sky.

“Saw you had a date back there. Someone special I assume?” She asks out of the blue. Harry freezes in his place. “Y-Yeah, she is,” he blurts out and clears his throat. “My fiancée, actually,” he says and he looks at her to see her reaction.

Y/N is surprised at first, feeling her whole body tense up before she relaxes. But Harry catches it. “That’s great. Congratulations, Harry,” she smiles at him before turning back the stars. She promises she is genuine about it. But maybe she’s just telling herself that. “How long have you both been together?”

“Nearly a year now,” he says. Y/N lets his answer sink in her head. A year, she thought. We were together longer than that for you to propo-

“Seems like a short time, huh?” She jokes, but Harry only gives a small smile. “Is it though? Too soon to ask if we’re both ready?” He says, as if he’s mocking her and something. And that sent a shard through her chest. Harry curses at himself, he shouldn’t be saying things like that despite them not being together anymore. She looks down at the ground like it was suddenly the most interesting thing and shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” she apologises. Harry is quick to shake his head at her. “No, no. I’m sorry for how I said it. You did nothing,” he says. Y/N is silent for a bit before saying back to him.

“No, really. I didn’t mean to make things weird or uncomfortable between us. I’m just.. Sorry,” she says.

“How are you, Y/N?” He asks genuinely. Y/N is confused at first, wondering why he is asking the same question again. “I already told you, Harry. I’m alri-,”

“I mean, how actually are you?”

She turns to him, seeing as Harry is already looking at her with a solemn expression. “You don’t have to lie to me,” he says softly, almost sounding like he doesn’t want to scare her. And she knows what he meant and what he wants to know.

Y/N suddenly feels a lump forming in her throat and breathes in deeply. She clears her throat, hoping her voice doesn’t waver when she speaks. “I promise I’m okay, Harry. I just,” she sighs and closes her eyes.

“I don’t know. I’ve been getting by on my own. Trying to work on myself, you know, since,” her words falter, but Harry knows what she means. Since she left him without an answer to one of the most important questions in life. He nods his head slightly even though she doesn’t see it.

He lets out a sigh as he looks up at the starry night. “You know, it’s… kind of surreal. Us being here I mean,” he says. Y/N looks at him again with confusion written all over her face. “I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. I called but you never seem to answer. I just wanted to see how’ve yeh been, you know?” He confesses, throwing this big weight out in the open.

Y/N has her head hung low, like a child being scolded for stealing the last cookie from the cookie jar. But she knows he means well. And she hates how not only she caused problems for herself, but the person she once loved.

“I just… I miss my best friend, Y/N. I miss having her around,” he says, and he doesn’t realise how his words hit her like a truck. She breathes in sharply, feeling a slight pain in her throat. “And you don’t think I felt the same way then?” She asks softly, her voice already wavering.

Harry shakes his head. “No, love, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry,” He’s quick to apologise but she dismisses it while ignoring the fact that he called her a very familiar pet name he used to use on her. “It’s fine,” she says, and her voice is almost quiet enough for you to not hear her.

“It’s just,” she breathes out and she looks up hoping that tears won’t escape her eyes. “I wanted to let you in. I could’ve answered the phone. But I didn’t. I know how bad I left things between us, H.” Harry’s heart jumped a bit at hearing her say ‘H’ again. She used to always call him that. It still sounds lovely as it leaves her lips.

“I wish I could’ve told you why I left you kneeling with the ring still in your hand. I couldn’t, though. Maybe I wasn’t ready that time, or never was.” It hurts for her to say this because she has imagined spending the rest of her life with him countless times. “I’ve had this constant battle in my mind for so long. I thought that maybe if I ignore it, it’d be like it never was there and we’d be alright. But it got worse and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I held it on for so long and I couldn’t say anything because I knew I’d somehow ruin everything. Well, I did in the end.” And she feels tears streaming down her face.

Harry feels his tears escaping his eyes too, but doesn’t make the effort to wipe them away. As if he’s paralyzed in where he stands. “A-And, what happened after that?” he asks ever so gently.

Y/N wipes her tears away and takes a deep breath before continuing the sad story they’re on. “I lived with it and the thoughts consumed my mind. S-Sometimes, they can get dark.” She confesses but not all at once. She won’t tell him how she felt herself crumbling down and how her mother found her unconscious in the bathroom, overdosing on some pills she found. She won’t tell him how hard she cried in her hospital bed over the pain she was in. It felt like a shard puncturing through Harry’s heart. The fact that she had been struggling all this while and he never noticed it, it kills him.

“Then, one day, I just decided to find help. I knew I needed help. And I’ve been having sessions with a psychiatrist for a few months now.” And she smiles through her tears. “I’ve been working a lot on myself, been on medication and all. Then, maybe one day, when I feel ready for it, I’d come find you, apologise for the problems I caused between us. Didn’t think it’d be tonight, though.” She jokes and hangs her head low again, like she’s scared to see what Harry thinks of her now. Just a girl who’s sick in the head.

There is an uncomfortable silence between them and Harry speaks up again. “You infuriate me sometimes, you know?” Y/N looks at him and his eyebrows are pressed together like he’s mad. She is once again confused at what he meant. “I would’ve listened. I would’ve helped you. I would’ve,” he pauses and runs his fingers through his brown curls, taking a breather so he won’t actually lose his temper. But for Y/N, it’s like she wanted him to scream at her. Yell at her for leaving him behind for her own selfish needs.

“I would’ve looked after you,” he says softly, and it’s heartbreaking to hear the pain in his voice. “I didn’t want to burden you, H. I wouldn’t do that to you,” she says gently and Harry shakes his head at her. “Is that what you thought? That you’d burden me?” She only shrugs at him with a sad smile.

“I heard it before.” She says, and it makes Harry furious that anyone would toss aside the state of her mental health. “It’s not because of your job, Harry. Or your fans,” she assures him. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you with what I’ve been going through. You deserve someone who isn’t as fucked in the head as I am,” she says.

Harry now has tears running down his cheeks. He now wishes he could go back and actually pay more attention to her, instead of being ignorant to it. He remembers when she left, the neighbourhood had quite a bit to say about the rejection, particularly on her. They often talked about how insane she was to deny his proposal because marriage is what every woman needs, right? Granted, he told them off not to speak about Y/N so poorly ever again, but he still wishes he could’ve seen the signs when it got worse for her.

Now, she stands in front of him, and it might be wrong to admit this, but she still looks just as beautiful as the day he lost her. Her eyes still have the same shine and her smile still has the same warmth to it. He lets out a small laugh. “This is not how I actually planned to spend my New Year’s eve,” he says jokingly and they both laugh, almost like the entire sad conversation did not occur. “I know,” she says, smiling at him. She doesn’t realise how her words took him back to when they would get drunk on wine while watching romantic comedies together on their couch.

“This is quite an interesting relationship you and I have,” he says smiling as he looks up at the starry night. She smiles at him too before doing the same. It’s the comfortable silence filling the gaps between them now. Just two people under the stars, one has it all figured out while the other has champagne problems.

She looks back at the building, gold lights still shining as people are getting drunk and ready for the countdown. “You should probably go back to your fiancée, H,” she says. Harry sighs as their time together has come to an end and nods. “Um, it was really great seeing you, Harry,” she says as her feet fidgets against the ground. She feels like a teenager talking to her crush again.

Before he even thinks, Harry has his hand up, brushing off the piece of hair of face, and his thumb lightly brushes over her cheeks a bit. “You too, Y/N,” he says, and he means it. Y/N feels her face warm up, before nodding her head at him and leaving. “Where’re yeh going?” He calls out to her. Without looking back, she calls back to him. “Home!”

He only looks at her leaving for a moment before calling out to her again. “Y/N, wait!”

Y/N stops in her tracks and looks back at him. “Um,” he fumbles on his words. “If I call you, not tonight, or tomorrow, just if any day after this, because we’re on good terms, uh,” he blurts out his words as she watches him, amused by what he wants to ask. “If I call, will you answer? Like I said before, I miss my best friend,” he shrugs and has almost a pleading look. Y/N’s heart melts at him and she smiles.

“I will, H,”

❊

Since their last meeting, a lot of things have been on his mind and one of them was Y/N. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her and the conversation they had. He knew now that it must’ve taken a lot of bravery to speak up about what she was going through. And he was proud of her. He really was.

He has been thinking about calling her for a while. He just doesn’t know what he’ll say. He wants to know how she’s feeling even though he’ll never know what it felt like for her to go through the dark times she went. But he could try to understand. He owes her that, at least. He spends some of his time off reading about mental health issues and educating himself more now.

Talia wanted to start planning their wedding, which makes Harry fill up his schedule more between wedding plans and music plans. He tries his best to accommodate whatever Talia wants for their special day. Though, sometimes he finds himself not focusing on the shades of white she suggested for her dress.

Sometimes, Talia would get mad at him for not prioritizing their wedding, seemingly as it was a very important thing for them, well, more for her. She gets mad at him for not focusing on their plans instead of hiding in his studio. She once told him to get his act together because if he wasn’t serious about this, he never would have asked her to marry him. That knocked a nail on the head as she stormed out of the room after another small argument.

Part of him thinks it's the thought of marriage finally sinking in his head. He has the girl, he got a ‘yes’, it should be as exciting as when he asked her. But he finds himself in and out of planning, always reverting his focus back to music, like he’s stalling. He still hasn’t told Talia about Y/N, but there was no need to since he’s with her and not Y/N. When Talia asked about his slightly red eyes at the party, he lied and said something was in his eyes. She believed it, of course.

Now, he’s thinking back to the situation with Talia. He admits he hadn't been paying attention to her as much as he should or helping out with their wedding. But her words now stuck with him. If he wasn’t serious about marrying Talia, he wouldn’t have asked her. He tells himself that he really does love her and he knows she loves him. So why is he hesitating almost at the thought of marriage? Why does it feel like he’s leading her on? He was so sure he wanted her. Unless he only asked her for the hell of it and to not be lonely.

He sits quietly in his little studio with his thoughts as his company. What is he really doing? He really doesn’t know.

❊

She’s laying down on her sofa, staring up at the ceiling again. She does this a lot, having nothing much to do at home other than rereading the books on her shelf or following a recipe for a delicious meal. Instead, she lays down staring at the blank ceiling thinking of how her life went. And in the state of all nothingness, she thinks of him.

Meeting Harry again opened up a whole jar of emotions she kept hidden. It was no doubt that she still cared for him. She was still in love with him and if they were in another universe, she’d tell him that. She’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to him, for causing so much hurt to him. But she couldn’t. He belongs to someone else now. Someone who is more worthy of his love and time. And she’s happy for him, genuinely she is.

As she thinks about him, she recalls back to the days before it all went wrong. She remembers being scared. She had found his mother’s ring in between his clothes as she was putting away their laundry. She remembers being terrified of the commitment Harry was in. She knew for certain that he would ask her sooner or later. But for her, she still doesn’t know. She wants to marry him, but is she ready for it? Is she worthy of him devoting his love and time to her for the rest of his life?

That’s when the doubts came in. She was always battling the thoughts in her head more often after finding out that he might propose to her. She keeps a disguise up, pretending she’s not screaming for help or suffering, hoping that maybe it’ll go away and when he asks, she’ll say the answer he wants to hear. But she didn’t keep the disguise up for long.

When they arrived at Harry’s family home, she was overwhelmed. She saw the bottle of expensive champagne on the kitchen table. Their friends were there too. She was told they were just having a family gathering along with their friends, but she knew what was about to happen.

Nothing could prepare her for when Harry pulled her out the backyard, kneeling down in front of her with his mother’s ring in hand. She could still remember the look on his face, so bright and in love, then having to see it all disappear and his expression drop. He was speechless, so speechless that it took him a minute to snap out of it and run after her as she exited the house. She passed by the living room and had a glance of how everyone was rather to celebrate; no applause or cheers of congratulations were made.

She felt a lot of things that day. Pain, embarrassment, guilt, regret.

Now, a year later, she likes to think she’s doing better, not only for her family or Harry, but for myself. It’s safe to say it was going well for her, she definitely felt better. That dark part of her life was always going to be a part of her, but she was glad she did something about it.

She had struggled a lot before asking for help. She always had trouble sleeping and always felt herself drained to the core. She took some sleeping pills in hopes to feel better. Until one day, she just decided to down the whole bottle like she was downing a bottle of alcohol. She was lucky enough that her mother was around when she found her, her father too was quick enough to call an ambulance. It was too hazy for her to remember precisely what happened after. When she got admitted, she cried to her mother of how much pain she was in, and it killed her. She thinks of how selfish and stupid it was for her to do something like that. That’s when she decided she needed help, like really needed help.

It’s funny how life works sometimes. A few months ago, she was found nearly dead. She has been recovering now. It took a while to open up during her psychiatry sessions and her mother monitored her to make sure she was doing alright. She lives alone now, but still has her mother check up on her. She didn’t find it annoying, in fact she asked her mother to watch over her a bit because she doesn’t trust herself.

She’s healthier now, keeping herself busy to reflect and work on herself. And it did cross her mind a few times before to find Harry, to maybe apologise to him. But she thought that perhaps he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. And that’s okay for her. Plus, she always hoped that he would find someone else that’ll love him just as much as she did him.

He hasn’t contacted her since they last met and she wonders whether he’s scared of doing so. Then again, she hasn’t made the effort to contact him too. Maybe they’re both scared.

She was about to get up and make herself some coffee after feeling a bit thirsty. She takes out a mug and sets it on the counter before she hears a knock on her door. She freezes in her place, her face scrunches up in confusion. She doesn’t remember having anyone making plans to come by. She hasn’t contacted her friends in a while and her parents would have told her that they would visit.

Knocks on her door snaps her out of her trance as she realises she is still in the kitchen. She slowly walks up to the door and looks through the peephole. To her surprise, she sees Harry standing right before her door. She pulls herself back from the door and thinks for a moment. How did he know where she lived now? Why is he here when he could have just called her?

Realising that he’s probably waiting outside for too long, she takes deep breaths and opens the door. There he is. Standing in his usual white t-shirt where you could see his tattoos through it, his black joggers hugging his muscular legs with some sneakers on his feet. His hair is a bit disheveled and she could imagine him running his fingers through it in a nervous and stressful manner.

“Hi,” he says breathily. His expression is somewhat hopeful, she thinks. “Hey,” she replies, giving a small smile. He’s fidgeting on his feet, something she knows he does when he’s nervous. So why is he nervous? She’s trying to come up with different theories in her head.

“Um, may I come in?” Harry asks. Y/N snaps out of her thoughts again and nods quickly, opening the door wider for him to walk through, hearing him mumbling a small ‘thanks’ under his breath. Harry looks around the small new apartment she now lives in, smiling at how it is very much her character the way she put things together.

She locks the door behind her and clears her throat as she faces him. “Sorry for showing up out of the blue like this,” he apologises. She only smiles and shakes her head. “No, no worries. I was just... wondering how you found where I live. I don’t think I ever told you that,” she says questionably.

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly. “Your mother, actually,” he says. She rolls her eyes playfully at this and lets out a small laugh. Of course, her mother would let him know where she lived. Her parents always loved Harry and treated him as family. Even when they fell apart, they still cared about him. After all, he was one of the only good things in her life that she cherished.

“Of course, she would. She still loves you for all I know,” she says with a sheepish smile. Harry throws his back in laughter and it makes her smile even more. “Well, I guess I might have to visit them again some time,” he says, smiling cheekily at her.

For a moment, it feels like everything was normal between them.

She shakes her head at him as she plays with her fingers, something he knows she does when she is nervous. “Um, I guess you’re here to talk about something else?” She asks, and she sees how his smile falters just a bit. “Yeah, actually,” he mumbles under his breath, but she hears him.

She nods with a tight smile on her face, seemingly trying to mask her anxiousness behind it. “Okay. Uh, just, make yourself comfortable. I’ll get you a glass of water,” she says, hurrying off to the kitchen before Harry could say anything. She sets a glass down and gets a jug of water. Her hands are shaking just a bit and she tells herself to calm down. It’s just Harry, she thinks. Whatever he wants to say couldn’t be that bad. Right?

She comes back to the living room where Harry is. He hasn’t sat down on the couch, instead he’s just standing in the middle of the room, looking around and admiring the little touches she put like the indoor plants and the paintings on the wall. She gently sets the glass down on the coffee table, the glass making a ‘clink’ sound on the surface. Harry turns around to face her and smiles, his little dimple making an appearance on the corner of his lips. She smiles back at him before clearing her throat.

“You had something you wanna say?” She asks, fiddling with her fingers. Harry nods slightly. “Yeah, I do. Um,” he begins as he rubs the back of his neck lightly.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say, been practicing the words in my head. So, I’m sorry if it ends up a mess,” he says, letting out a small laugh. She laughs a bit with him too. Nodding as she gestures for him to continue, he breathes in deeply before letting his words out.

“After we met last time, I, uh,” he begins and she swears she could hear how loud and fast her heart is beating. “I’ve just been reflecting on how we left things off. And I promise I meant to call you sooner, but I just didn’t know what I’d say that won’t make things weird and awkward,” he stops to look at her for a moment and the expression on his face is almost so familiar to her.

“When you told me your story, I felt a lot of things. I felt… upset and angry that I couldn’t read the signs that were so evidently there. I thought maybe I realised it sooner, or tried harder to help, I could’ve helped you and you wouldn’t have felt to have gone through it alone. I hated how you were alone in this and how you helped like you couldn’t talk to me about,” His breaths are shaky, like he might break any minute. She wants to caress his face so badly, comfort him, but she knows it wouldn’t be appropriate. He’s still engaged to someone else after all.

She looks down at her floor, taking a gulp in her throat. “Harry, what are you saying?” She asks ever so softly.

“I’m saying that… you don’t have to go through it alone, darling. I’m saying that I wanna be there for you now. Albeit it has been months, but,” he pauses to take a breath. “If you give me a chance, to let me in, I promise to always be there for you and to be by your side all the time. Whenever you need me.”

Y/N takes a moment to process what he had just said, shaking her head at him. “Harry, I,” she takes in a sharp breath. “I don’t think you need to do that.” Harry’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Why not?”

“I just, I don’t want to burden you. I’ve already made it hard for my parents enough,” she says, trying to convince him even though all she wants is for him to be by her side. He shakes his head, chuckling a bit. “You’ll never be a burden to me, love. I want to be there for you always. It’s my choice to do this,”

“What about your fiancée? What’s she gonna think about her fiancé or husband soon when he’s out there looking after some girl, Harry?”

“You’re not just some girl, Y/N. You’re my best friend. And I,” he pauses in his words again and takes a deep breath. “What?” She asks nervously.

The corner of his lips lift up just slightly and his expression almost looks guilty. “And I’m in love with you,” he says and that’s when she feels that her heart stops. He loves me, she thinks. All the time, she thinks the feelings would have gone away but here he is, in her living room, telling her he’s in love with her.

“No,” she says. Harry is surprised by her response. “No?” He repeats.

“You’re not in love with me anymore, Harry,” she says, almost like she’s trying to convince herself that. “Yes, I am, love. I’m still in love with you, even after all this time,” he says desperately to her.

“Don’t do this to me, Harry. It’s not funny,” she says as her voice starts to waver. “It’s not fair to your fiancée for you to say this.” It’s funny to her how she still doesn’t know her name, but maybe she doesn’t know hers either. Harry steps closer to her and his heart breaks a little when she steps back.

“Darling,”

“Don’t, Harry! Please,” she practically begs him. “Just go back to her. It’s been a good talk and it’s good to see you again but you have to leave,”

“I don’t want to leave you, Y/N,” he says and it’s surprising how calm he is at this moment.

“Harry, I,”

“I’m not engaged anymore,” he says, cutting her off. She stares at him in shock and disbelief. “What do you mean?” She asks. He sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. “I broke it off with Talia. There won’t be any wedding,” he confesses.

“So what? You broke up with her just to look out for me? Are you insane!?” She exclaims. She doesn’t want to believe that he broke up with her because of her. She thinks back if she would’ve hid from him during the party, he’d still be in a happy relationship with Talia with no problems. Once again, she’s thinking it’s all her fault.

“I’m as sane as I can be,” He says, raising his voice slightly to match her tone. She shakes her head, paces in her place, muttering ‘no’s to herself. “Darling, look at me,” Harry says gently as he steps closer to her. “No, this isn’t happening,” She’s now muttering words to herself and it breaks him even more to think she might think this is her fault when it’s not.

“Look at me, Y/N,” he says as he tries to get her to look at him, but to no avail, she keeps her eyes away from him. “No, Harry. We can’t,” she says and she realises now how tears are starting to fall from her eyes. “Yes, we can, darling! Just listen to me,” he tries to convince her.

“You belong with Talia, Harry! Someone who has her life put together, a-and, someone who’s not fucked in the head as I am! She’ll make you happy!” She tells him, almost trying to convince him to go back and fix his relationship.

“She won’t make me as happy as I was with you. It wouldn’t be fair to her,” Harry says to her as he tries to cup her face and wipe her tears. “What wouldn’t be fair to her? Huh?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to lead her on when I’m in love with you!”

And then, everything stops. Silence fills the room and all you could hear are the heavy breaths between them. Harry runs his hand over his face before speaking again. “I tell myself that I’ll be able to love again after you. But the love I’ll have for any other will never amount to the love I have for you. It wouldn’t be fair to move on with Talia when all I could think about is you. When I know I’ll always be madly in love with you,” he tells her, his voice wavering with every word he says.

She breathes in shakily, feeling the painful lump in throat. “Maybe if we hadn’t met that night, you wouldn’t have to think like that,” she says so softly under her breath, like she was ashamed. She looks down like a child being scolded by a parent.

She hears him stepping closer to her and this time, she doesn’t step back away from him. She feels his hand under her chin, lifting her head up so she has no choice but to look at her. His forest-green eyes, ever so beautiful, are glossy with the tears he holds. “I wish you’d stop thinking that this is your fault when it’s not, darling,” he says gently to her.

She realises how close their faces are together, feeling his breath hitting her face as they stare at each other with the same look. She sees it in his eyes. Love. And maybe it’s because she’s emotionally exhausted or she realises how there is still love in his eyes for her and only her.

She gently yet hesitantly puts her hand on his cheek, seeing as how he leans into her touch with his eyes closed, as if he misses her touch all this time. She doesn’t waste another second before pulling his face closer and letting their lips crash against each other. Harry is quick enough to reciprocate the action. His hand that is not on her hand wraps itself around her torso so move her closer to her. All he wants is to be close to her.

She whimpers into the kiss as she feels tears streaming down her face again. She misses this. She misses his kisses, how soft and plump his lips feel against hers and how they taste. She misses the way he pulls her closer to him because he doesn’t want any space in between them. She misses him.

They don’t know long they have been kissing until they break apart to catch their breath. She feels dizzy after the kiss while he feels like he’s on cloud nine. Their lips still brush against each other and Harry pecks her lips softly as she whimpers at the action.

“I love you,” she finally tells him. And it feels so good to say it again to him. Harry sighs shakily, almost in disbelief that she said those three words, and his lips break out into the biggest smile. “Really?” He asks. She giggles as her hands cup his face.

Harry sighs and leans his head back with his eyes closed, looking so bliss in the moment. “I’m sorry. Can you say that again? I wasn’t paying attention,” he says teasingly with a smug smile on his face. Y/N gasps and playfully punches his shoulder a bit, making him laugh.

“I love you, you handsome idiot,” she says laughing at him. Harry shakes his head with a wide stupid grin on his face. He rests his forehead on hers, their noses brushing against each other’s. “Again, please. Just so I know I’m not dreaming this,” he says, his eyes closed as he savours in the moment.

She grabs his face in her hands and pulls him away so she could look at him. He notes how soft yet small her hands felt as caresses his face. “I love you,” she says again, more gently but having more love and passion in her words. And she loves saying it because she does.

She has always loved him and always will love him. Her beats for him as his does for her. Her thoughts are filled with nothing but him. Looking at him now, he feels just as lovely and beautiful as the days they were together before. She knows that she’ll never love another as much as she loves him. She’ll fully admit that she is crazy, stupidly, madly and truly in love with him.

Harry smiles ever so lovingly at her as his large hands cup her face. At this moment, it feels right, like they belong together. Despite the odds and struggles she had to go through, he promises to never leave her side, to always be around, to always be the shoulder she needed to cry on, to lend her his arms to give her the warmth and comfort she deserves. And he admits that he is truly, madly and deeply in love with her too.

“I love you too,” he says as he brings their faces closer to each other, enclosing the gap between their lips again. He misses the way her lips gelt and how sweet they taste against his. He swears he’ll never get tired of loving her. Their lips move against each other slowly and gently as they try to savour in the moment. A moment that just felt right to them. For a moment, her champagne problems are forgotten, even though it’s still something that will always be a part of her.

They part away soon after, now staring into the eyes they fell in love with. Their smiles are permanently inked on their faces as the two lovers look at each other with the only things they have on their mind that will get them through.

Love and hope.

And somehow, that was everything.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles angst #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #parkersroses writing #parkersroses masterlist

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spine-buster · 3 years

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peaceful easy feeling ft. b.boeser | one

A/N: Here’s the beginning of my new mini-series! I hope you all enjoy it. It will definitely be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, so be prepared! There will be five parts!

SUPPORT MY WRITING HERE: https://ko-fi.com/spine_buster

CONTENT WARNING: parents with disease/sickness (Parkinson’s); swearing; sex; alcohol use; lots of emotions.

* * * * *

Brock Boeser felt like he was at some sort of Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, with everybody around the circle introducing themselves and their similar predicaments. The group was in a big meeting room at the local community centre, and when he walked in, he saw a group of dads playing basketball in the gym. He sort of wanted to join them instead of being here, in this room, with all these people that he didn’t know talking about what they were going to talk about, but he’d done this back in Minnesota, at his mother’s behest with his siblings, and he was going to do it here, too, in Vancouver, to make her happy and ease her mind and to make sure that he was easing his own mind.

“Um, hello everyone. My name is Brock Boeser. I’m from Minnesota, but I’m living in Vancouver. And um, I’m here with you all because my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease.”

“Hello Brock,” everyone smiled at him, and he smiled and nodded back.

“So it was your dad that was diagnosed,” the leader, a kind, older woman named Esther who had greeted him at the door and stuck with him until everybody sat down, egged on a conversation. He knew she was doing it because he was new; everybody in this room probably already knew each other. A part of him actually wondered if anybody knew who he was. “When?”

“Um, he—he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2010,” Brock revealed, stuttering it out. He knew he’d have to be open at these things – open so people could empathize with him, open so he could empathize with others – but it was still tough for him to do so. “But he—it’s—it’s not just Parkinson’s. Two years after he was diagnosed, he was in a car accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. In 2017, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He beat it but then in June it returned to his liver and chest. In July, he had a heart attack and his heart stopped beating for 15 minutes. I was with him and—I—it’s—it’s a lot, as you can imagine,” he tried not to start crying right then and there. Imagine that – first meeting with a Parkinson’s Society of BC support group and he’d bawl like a baby.

“Goodness me, Brock,” Esther said. “He has support at home?”

“Um, well, money isn’t an issue now, but when I was growing up my mom worked three jobs to make sure we were all taken care of,” he revealed. “I’d pitch in too wherever I could, obviously.”

“But it’s been tough for a number of years.”

Brock paused. It had been tough for a number of years. It had been really tough for a number of years. He nodded his head. “Yes ma’am. I try to take it day by day.”

Esther nodded as well. “I don’t know if you pray, Brock, but I know a couple of members around the circle do, and, well – you’ll be kept in all our prayers.”

Brock saw a few people nod their head. Another older woman, probably his mom’s age, clutching a rosary; a Sikh man dressed in a casual suit; a younger woman, probably in her thirties, with short blonde hair. He appreciated the sentiment. He knew that people took prayer very seriously – that people suffering took prayer very seriously. It was, realistically, one of the kindest things somebody could ever say to you: “I’m praying for you.” “Thank you very much,” he said, nodding his head once.

***

There was an arrangement of cookies at the end of the meeting. Even after the 90 minutes of everybody talking about their experiences and emotions, they apparently liked to stick around afterwards as well just to mingle. It didn’t all have to be doom and gloom, he thought. It didn’t all have to be about Parkinson’s or about sick people or losing your loved ones all the time. Maybe some people just wanted to talk about the news. Maybe some people just wanted to talk about sports. The weather. Anything. Anything to make a connection with someone beyond something so tragic.

After stuffing an entire Fudge-O cookie into his mouth, he looked up to see a young woman staring at him, holding her trenchcoat in her arms. She was smiling to let him know she was friendly. He was embarrassed because he knew she just saw him stuff an entire Fudge-O into his mouth. “Hi,” he said, his mouth still full of cookie, the sound of his voice reflecting that fact.

“You’re Brock Boeser, right?” she asked sweetly. “You play for the Vancouver Canucks?”

“Yeah,” Brock couldn’t help but smile. He swallowed the rest of the cookie even though he didn’t really finish chewing it. “That’s me. Are you a fan?”

“My step-brothers are more so than I am,” she said. “But I’m a fan of the team, yeah. I’m Grace Gillespie,” she extended her hand to shake his. “God, they’re not gonna believe me when I say I met you. They’re gonna freak.”

Brock couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. “Do you—I mean, do you want a picture? I don’t mind at all. I’ll sign an autograph on a napkin if you want me to.”

“Well…it’s a bit awkward to ask you at a Parkinson’s Society of BC meeting, but we could go to the Starbucks down the street and I could buy you a coffee.”

Brock was slightly taken aback at her forwardness. He shouldn’t have been. Girls came up to him all the time. All the time. And they were most definitely not shy. But he wasn’t exactly expecting it to happen here, of all places. A bar, sure. Out with Petey or any of the other guys, absolutely. But not here. “Yeah…yeah sure,” he stuttered out.

“Then we should go,” Grace smiled. She turned to look behind her. Brock saw Esther picking up a few Oreos. “Thank you for leading another great session, Esther,” Grace said.

“Oh you are most welcome Miss Gillespie. How is Hamish these days? You didn’t speak much today.”

“He’s been doing fine lately. His caregivers have been working around the clock for him. They just work wonders, don’t they?”

Esther nodded. “They are angels on Earth. Anyways – we’ll catch up next week,” she said, leaning slightly on her leg to look beyond Grace and to Brock. “I hope to see you here again next week, Brock.”

“Thank you, Esther. See you next week,” he said, realizing he made the commitment before he could even realize what he was saying.

***

“I take that was your first meeting?” Grace asked as she set down the two lattes on the table against the window where Brock was waiting.

“Was it really obvious?” Brock asked.

Grace shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t want to make him feel self-conscious. “It was the stuttering that gave it away, at least to me. I know I stuttered a lot the first few times I came to these meetings. I wasn’t the most comfortable talking about my dad’s condition to a room full of virtual strangers. But within just a few months I realized the people in that room are the kindest, most empathetic, most amazing people that I’ve ever interacted with. So I became a lot more open.”

Brock was transfixed by every word that Grace was saying. “So you’ve been coming here a long time,” he said.

Grace nodded. “My dad got diagnosed with Parkinson’s when I was fourteen. I didn’t start coming here until I was about eighteen, though.”

Brock knew he shouldn’t ask. He knew he shouldn’t. But his brain had ulterior motives, and his mouth – well, his mouth listened to his brain, because it apparently needed to know. “Is your—is your dad like my dad?” he asked. “Does he have, like, other problems complicating things?”

Grace shook her head. “No,” she said softly. “But the Parkinson’s is enough for him. I mean he was diagnosed just short of ten years ago and he’s already on puréed foods. It’s not—I mean, you know as well as I do that it doesn’t regularly develop that fast. But that’s…I don’t know how you do it.”

Brock didn’t know either. Some days he didn’t. “I just take it day by day,” he said simply, just like he said in the meeting. “If I think about it too much…that’s when it’s bad.”

“I hear ya,” Grace said, taking a sip of her coffee. “But let’s…not talk about this for too long. Do you like Vancouver? Do you find it nice?”

Brock appreciated the change in topic. “I love it here,” he nodded his head, smiling. “The city’s great. The fans are great. My teammates – I mean they’re amazing. What do you do?”

“I’m a dance teacher at Goh Ballet – little kids and teens, mostly.”

He wasn’t expecting that. She was drop dead gorgeous, sure – Brock wasn’t blind – but he wasn’t expecting to hear she was a dancer. “Do you, like, dance in the real ballet?”

Grace snorted slightly at his phrasing of ‘real ballet’. “No. I pursued it only up until a certain point. I was good, but uh, I stopped when my dad got diagnosed.”

“Why? Don’t they always tell people like us to have, like, an outlet or whatever?”

“They do. But I loved my dad more than I loved dance. And I would have rather spent the time that I was spending on dance with him instead.”

He understood where she was coming from, and he wasn’t there to judge her. “And your brothers you mentioned, did they help too?”

“Oh no no no. Sorry – I should have specified. I’m an only child. Like, the only child between my parents. But they divorced when I was six and when my mom re-married I gained two step-brothers, Jasper and Theo.”

“How was the divorce?” Brock found himself asking.

“You ever see footage of a nuclear bomb exploding?” Grace giggled as she asked the question. It caused Brock to laugh too even though the analogy she was making was dreadful. “It was awful. The type of divorce nobody deserves, you know? I became a pawn, basically, and my parents would only speak to each other through lawyers. Even stuff concerning me. It was bad.”

“That sounds horrible.”

“It was. But it’s the only life I know,” she said. “He was lucky my mom ended up marrying another rich guy. I mean, my mom only marries rich men,” she giggled slightly again. “That’s how Jasper and Theo became my step-brothers.”

“So your family has money?” Brock clarified. “What’s it from? Dad a lawyer or something?”

“Not exactly,” Grace said. “My dad and his brothers own a private equity firm that started like this,” she pinched her fingers together, “and went like…” she continued, spreading her fingers and moving her hands around her like a bomb explosion. “Gillespie Brothers Investments. I’m sure as a Vancouver Canuck you’ve heard of them. I mean they wanted to buy the Canucks before the Aquilinis.”

Brock hadn’t heard of them, but he now knew he’d have to do some snooping when he got home. “I haven’t heard of them. But I mean – sounds like they were successful.”

“Three billion dollars is pretty successful to me,” Grace quipped.

“B—Billion,” Brock sputtered out. “With a B.”

“With a B,” Grace nodded. Brock had no idea he was sitting across from the daughter of a billionaire. She didn’t act like a billionaire. Not like Brock knew what billionaires acted like. He’d never met one before in his life. Well, besides Francesco. “But tell me more about what you like about Vancouver. What about the nature? I always kind of fine a good long walk along the Seawall or through Stanley Park really clears my mind from all…this. What about you?”

Brock smiled. “I find the white noise of downtown clears my mind.”

***

“You want my number,” Grace said as a statement rather than a question as she and Brock exited the Starbucks. They were kicked out. They’d been there for so long that they’d been kicked out because they were closing. Their coffees had gotten cold. They hadn’t ordered new ones. And now they found themselves on the deserted sidewalk, jackets put on hastily, and Grace came up with that.

Brock looked down at her. They’d been able to look into each other’s soul for the past few hours. “Of course I want your number,” he said. There was no reason to hide it. No reason to deny it. No reason to have to wait until next week to see her again as they sat around in a circle in a community centre talking about their parents.

He took out his phone. She gave him her number. He texted his name to hers so she’d have his. When that dance was done, she looked up at him. “I’m really glad I met you tonight,” she said, her voice sincere.

Brock nodded. “I’m glad I met you too. I—I really enjoyed this. And I mean—I needed it.”

Grace smiled, nodding her head. “I needed it too.”

“D’you—” Brock stopped, trying not to get too far ahead of himself. “D’you need a ride home?”

“Oh no no, my driver is right there,” she motioned her head towards a black Mercedes waiting by the curb.

Brock hadn’t noticed the car until now. “Chauffeur?”

“Billionaire dad,” she winked. Brock understood. She took a few steps back before smiling one more time. “Call me,” she said, before flipping her hair over her shoulder and walking towards the Mercedes and getting into the backseat. Brock watched as it drove off, making a right at the end of the street.

He would definitely be calling.

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sailorshadzter · 3 years

Note

Hiii! Welcome back!!! If you are still taking requests, how about an one shot where Cersei kind of notices the tension between Jon and Sansa and comments on it? Maybe in a "We are not so different" way? Or she straight up encourages them bc she's a horrible person and thinks if there are rumors about the Starks, they'll forget about the Lannisters?

ANON. whew this has been in my ask box for a while! but i opened my inbox to find some inspiration to write and yours was the one that clicked first! so i hope you see this, anon, wherever you are, and know that i FINALLY got to your prompt request!!!

as always, you're always welcome to drop a prompt request in my inbox.

enjoy!

The ball is grand and glittering.

Cersei has ensured that this night would be perfect, putting far more coin into it than Robert ever would have allowed. But there is little else she can do, what with the trouble brewing all around them. She's lost one son already, she will not lose another- and so she has gone to great expense and trouble to make sure that this room was full of loyal nobles and fearsome knights. This wedding would not end the way the last one had, even if the bride was the same.

From where she sits, she watches as the young Sansa Stark dances with her half brother, the bastard born Jon Snow. The young man had been intended for the Night's Watch, but Tyrion had developed a fondness for the boy during their visit North, and so, he'd come along with the Stark's. They are close together, the dance bringing them so, but the smile that lights up the redhead's face is one that Cersei swears she's worn herself, but when she looks upon Jaime. And the usually stoic Snow looks just as delighted to spin his sister out and back in, hands at her waist to lift her high into the air as the music swells. Cersei chuckles, wondering how's she's not noticed it ever before. The wheels in her brain are suddenly spinning, whirling several thoughts throughout that bring yet another smile to her face.

As if her thoughts have conjured him, she feels Jaime's presence at her elbow; he bows over his arm, ever the courtier, but she knows it's more for show than anything else. "What has you so cheery?" He asks, his green eyes scanning the dance floor, where sure enough his gaze falls upon the Stark siblings as they finish their dance among all the others, though it quite seems they've forgotten they aren't alone. "They make a handsome pair, do they not?" Turning back to face his lover, he sees he's right, for she's staring down at them with a look he's seen before. "What are you thinking?"

"That proud Ned Stark's children are falling in love right before our very eyes." They both knew what the world would say about two siblings, albeit half, falling in love. Was it not why they themselves took every precaution? Cersei shudders to think what would happen if the truth was ever discovered... The rumors were bad enough. But this... Two Stark children in love? It would cease the rumors about her and Jaime, that she was certain of. She watches as Sansa dips a quick curtsy to Jon before he offers her his arm, which she readily takes, and they disappear into the crowd.

"See that Lady Stark is brought to me tomorrow morning, won't you?" She says to the nearest lady, who nods, curtsying before she scurries away to do as she's been bid. Cersei turns back to face the dance floor, but it's suddenly become far less interesting.

And so she must wait until morning.

[ x x x ]

It's late, yet she cannot bring herself to leave his arms.

Jon holds fast to her, kissing the top of her head, her silk gown soft beneath his touch as his hands span the length of her spine. "I should go..." She whispers for the tenth time, though his grip does not relent, nor does she make any attempt to pull away. He smells of spice and smoke, comforting and strong; she buries her face deeper into his chest, wishing she could sink into him. "Jon..."

His name is soft on her lips.

Their gazes meet and he's lost, as he always is, in the depth of her blue eyes. "I know," is all he can say, knowing as well as she that it was best for her to go. They both knew where this moment would lead- after all, how many times had they been here before? But more than anything, they both knew what would happen if they were discovered in such an embrace. And yet... There's a part of him that doesn't care. There's a part of him that wishes with all of his might that they could be together in the way that they wanted. No more secret midnight rendezvous that only left them both feeling more strained than being without the other. "I'll walk you to your rooms..." He begins, but she shakes her head.

"Shae is waiting," she says softly, finally freeing herself from his grip. She feels cold without his touch and that is almost enough to send her back into his arms. "I will see you in the morning," she goes on, reaching out her hand to tenderly touch his. Jon nods, catching her hand so he might bring it to his lips to kiss. The brush of his lips to her knuckles steals the breath from her lungs and time is suspended as they stand there, the only sound in the room that of the fire burning in the hearth. "Until the morning..."

"Until the morning," he parrots back as he let's go of her hand. "Good night, Sansa."

The way he says her name sends shivers down her spine. "Good night, Jon." She says instead of every other thing she wants to say.

[ x x x ]

In the morning, a lady arrives at her door to inform her she's been summoned to see the queen.

Though no longer truly queen, Cersei Lannister runs the Seven Kingdoms through her youngest son, the now King Tommen. Just a boy, he's been married to Margaery Tyrell, who only several weeks before had instead been married to Joffrey. Poison had taken care of him, but Margaery and her family, ever the schemers, ensured that she would take her place as queen. Sansa was certain that it would not be long before a new power struggle would emerge. Soon, it would be Margaery and the Tyrell's fighting for control of poor, young Tommen.

Once she's dressed, Sansa, with Shae beside her, makes her way down to Cersei's office.

When she's been announced, she steps into the room, one which she has spent much time in over her years in King's Landing. Once she had been thrilled to be invited into this room, to spend private time with Queen Cersei... But things have changed. Though she dips her the curtsy due to her rank, Sansa does not return the smile offered to her by the golden haired woman behind her oak desk. "Lady Stark, tell me, how did you enjoy the ball last night?" Cersei asks, gesturing for Sansa to take the empty chair across from her. The young woman frowns, but does as she's bid, clearly surprised by the question. Cersei notices she wears a new gown of pale blue damask, made from a bolt of fabric she was given by Jon Snow a few short weeks ago; though it is fashioned in the Southern style, Cersei sees that the trailing sleeves are stitched with falling leaves, weirwood leaves, like those that grow in the North. Even her hair, which once she wore in styles that mirrored her own, is fastened into braids in a way that reminds Cersei of Catelyn Stark. It is Sansa's way of breaking with the Lannister's entirely; she is no longer theirs to control.

"It was wonderful, your grace," Sansa answers honestly, shifting slightly in the chair, brushing a lock of red hair across a shoulder before she accepts the goblet of wine being offered to her. "Very grand." She goes on, though she's no longer thinking of the ball, but of the last dance she and Jon had shared together.

"Your brother is quite the elegant dancer, I must say I'm surprised." Cersei's voice breaks into her thoughts and Sansa blinks in surprise. This certainly was not the topic of conversation she expected to have upon being summoned to this room. "The two of you make quite the couple." At this, Sansa chokes on the sip of wine she's just taken, her stare wild and frantic as it rises up to meet the queen. Inside, Cersei is laughing- she's been right there was Sansa was before, so many years ago. Back when her feelings for Jaime had first begun to grow into what they were now. She could recall their dance lessons, when a compliment on how well they fit together would leave her blushing and stammering, just as Sansa Stark was now. "You needn't hide it from me, Lady Stark," she goes on, taking advantage of the young woman's silence. "I see how you look at him... And how he looks at you."

Sansa's heart was beating fast within her chest, so fast she can barely catch her breath. Was she and Jon truly so obvious? They had painstakingly tried to keep what was brimming between them beneath the surface... But had last night been their very downfall? "I-I do not know what you mean, your grace," she says, adopting a cheery but confused tone, cursing herself for being a terrible liar. From the way Cersei is smiling, Sansa knows she does not believe her, not even for a moment.

"You know, Lady Stark, if there is one thing in my life I regret... It is not ever being with the one I truly loved." Cersei speaks from total honesty, saying aloud the words she's never spoken before to anyone. Not even to Jaime. She knows what it will take to sway proud Ned's child into something such as diving head first into an incestual relationship. But she knows the way to sway the young woman, for it was the same way she swayed herself all those years ago. "Someday you will be married to a man who you likely do not love," they are both reminded of a similar conversation, one they had shared before her marriage to Joffrey was to take place. "You should experience true love, even just once in your life." These words resonate with her and Cersei knows it. Her blue eyes widen and she opens her mouth as if she means to speak, but cannot find the words. "We cannot help who we love," Cersei says, though now she wonders if she's still speaking to Sansa, but rather to herself. "But if any love was so truly wrong, why would the Gods allow us to feel it in the first place?"

Sansa's heart beat has not ceased in it's pace, but a slow realization is dawning upon her as she listens to Cersei's words. There is meaning behind them and she knows, those words are not meant only for her. She recalls the rumors spread just before her father was beheaded, rumors about the truth of Joffrey and his siblings parentage. The truth about Cersei and her brother, Jaime. There is a part of her that worries this is just a trap, a set up to catch her and Jon in the act, something that would earn them the scorn and disgust of all of King's Landing and likely the North.

And yet...

You should experience true love, even just once in your life... Those are the words she's replaying in her brain, over and over again, knowing that Cersei was right. It would not be long before a marriage was made for her, one that would likely be loveless and political, one that would do nothing for her but everything for the Lannister's. Without her father or mother or even Robb to protect her from such a fate, she would be doomed to marry a man of Cersei's choosing.

When she's dismissed a few minutes later, Sansa wastes no time.

Shae, who has waited for her outside Cersei's room for her, rises up from where she sits on the windowsill. "Find Jon for me, won't you?" She asks in an undertone, to which her lady stares back at her for a long moment before she nods. If there was anyone she could trust with what she was about to do, it would be Shae.

Once she's back within her own chamber, she brings herself to stand before the looking glass, staring at her own reflection. She knows that doing what she's about to do will change everything, but she knows she cannot go on in life without knowing what it will feel like to be held by a man that truly loves her. If she can only taste his love this one time, then she will go willingly into any marriage presented to her, for Jon's love she will carry with her for the rest of her life.

A knock on the door comes.

By the time she's turned around, the door has opened and it's Jon standing there. He's staring at her, taking her in as he always does, those Stark colored eyes enough to bring her to her knees. "Sansa," he greets, feeling just as she does, the shift in what lays between them. She crosses the room as he does and so they meet at the center, a minimal distance between them. The blue damask gown suits her in a way he cannot describe and he's, as always, struck by her beauty. Somewhere behind them, Shae quietly ducks into the antechamber, out of sight, out of mind- but there all the same.

There's so many things she wants to say, so many things she needs for him to hear. But the words do not come, no matter how hard she wills them to. And so, instead, she does the only other thing that makes any sense; she kisses him. She kisses him with as much passion as she can muster and he falls into it, his arms winding around her only so he might pull her closer. When he breaks free moments later, it's to stare into her eyes, to ask her one single thing. "Are you certain?" She nods.

That's all he needs.

This time, he's the one to kiss her, leaning in to capture her mouth with his. One hand remains perched at the small of her back, though the other one slides into her hair, uncaring of the pins he knocks loose. She's kissing him back, meeting his tongue with her own, the sensations rushing through her body unlike anything she's ever felt before.

It does not take long before they stand at the side of her bed, the canopy hangings pushed aside so Jon might sit upon the edge. He beckons her closer and she comes to stand between his knees, allowing him to turn her around so her back instead faces him. Then, she feels his hands as they begin to loosen the laces of her blue gown until it begins to slip over her shoulders. That is when she turns back around to face him and she allows the gown to fall to the floor at her feet, all so she might stand there in nothing but her chemise.

And then, Jon draws her down into the bed, and into his arms.

#jonsa #actuallyjonsa #writing prompt #anon ask #send me prompts #jon x sansa #jon snow #sansa stark #my writing #i wrote this #man this one just FLOWED so quickly #it's been a while since i wrote something in one sitting

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emcscared-whumps · 2 years

Text

@dang-i-like-whump because you got me onto the collapsed lung bullshit lmfao it's your fault ^-^ also @painful-pooch bc i added some extra tidbits lol

it's just a roughly outlined thing instead of actual writing bUT;

CONTENT and WARNINGS: uh, collapsed lung, drowning but not actually but it looks like it unless you Know Pete's a mer shifter so... oh yeah, and he'll effectively be rendered mute bc speaking is a lung thing

idek lmfao i dance on all the tw topics like a 10 year old doing the nutbush on a funky mat to the entire song

and i can't get enough

~*~

imagine Pete just, minding his own damn business, getting a collapsed lung for x reason (not injury related, he'd literally die lol), and just, eyes going wide, clutching at his chest and throat struggling to breathe properly, hyperventilating at an alarming rate as he drops to his knees, cane clattering to the ground

if anyone tries to help he'll probably shy away and almost end up flat on the ground, and you can very much see the decision happen behind those beautiful scared eyes when he see/finds the Nearby Water

he doesn't wanna but all previous inhibitions go yeet when you can't breathe

frantically, with shaking hands while still hyperventilating, he slips off his scarf and shrugs off his jacket

-- you can see him getting faint--

he clumsily dives in, in fact he half falls in, but it's clearly intentional

he'll be rendered mute because he can't use his lungs anymore, he can't get the air moving, he's reliant solely on his gills; so he can't communicate what's happened

I wonder though, who he's with… no clue, but bonus if they/one doesn't Know and it's all in an unfamiliar place (would be better if they're alone with him so they have no context tbh)

so he's struggling, panicking, and he jumps in the water and then doesn't surface for a solid fucking minute (that, and he's still recovering from the 'holy fuck I couldn't breathe and there wasn't even any water involved, I was totally dry')

imagine the heart attack the person Not In The Know would get I mean holy fuck lmao

Pete ofc will pop back up, or rather, get within an inch of the surface to see if they're still there, they spot him first, and he has to surface to let them know he's… okay… not really… he couldn't breathe yeah and they practically reach in and drag him back up lmao

anyway, bb is stuck as fish, and reliant entirely on water

ACTUALLY?? you know what would be fun??! if they jumped in after he didn't come back up after a few seconds :eblurryeyes:

and the water is cold af

and Pete has to try and stop them going after him and getting hypothermia >:3

#whump #oc whump #whump oc #mer whumpee #mer whump #merman whump #collapsed lung #the only reason he's not dead is because he has gills too ehehehe

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leejungchans · 3 years

Text

— new girl.

juliet’s masterlist

word count: 1.5k

set in late 2016

summary: in which juliet makes two new friends on her first day at kq as a trainee.

a/n: uM turns out this is the first predebut scenario for juliet!! as always, let me know what you think and feel free to chat with me in my inbox!! thanks for reading and ily 💕🥺 take care!!

“And here’s the final stop of our mini tour, the practice room,” the company staff tells Juliet kindly as they stop outside said room, which is still dark as no one else had arrived yet. “You’re our only female trainee, so you can train with the boys. They’re sweethearts, but you can always come to us if there’s any trouble, okay?”

“Okay, thank you,” Juliet replies meekly.

The older woman smiles in response as she unlocks the door, stepping inside the room to turn on the lights. “We’re a bit early, so you can just wait here until the others and the instructor arrives. I’ll be at the front desk if you need anything. Good luck on your first day!”

The girl quietly thanks the woman, watching her disappear down the dimly-lit hallway before hesitantly entering the practice room. Truth be told, she never expected herself to be a trainee once again, having thought that her experience at SM was enough for a lifetime. But deep down, she knew that if she didn’t give it a second try—hence why she is now here—she’d spend the rest of her life being regretful and thinking about the what if’s.

Juliet also didn’t expect herself to be so early. She was told to come in a little earlier after school so the staff could give her a quick tour of the building before training starts, but she had expected at least some of the trainees to be here already.

Then again, she’s gotten a lot more introverted ever since moving to Seoul, so perhaps it’s a good thing that she has a few moments to herself.

Still, Juliet has never felt this awkward in her life. Scared? Maybe not. Nothing will ever beat the sheer intimidation and fear she felt on her first day at SM, and though she’s only trained there for two years—much less than most of the friends she met there—she already feels like she’s gone through the wringer. Still, being in a new environment with no idea what to expect is unnerving, especially when it’s so different compared to what she is used to.

Juliet looks around the room tentatively before sitting down on the ground, her back pressing against the cold wall. She takes the time to text her aunt that she’s arrived before shoving her phone back into her bag, not wanting to ruin her first impression on anyone by being on her phone.

She doesn’t know how long she’s being tracing the pattern on the wood flooring with a finger when the door to the practice room bursts open, revealing a tall boy around her age standing in the doorway.

Before Juliet can scramble up to greet who she presumes is her fellow trainee, the boy is already beaming at her as he introduces himself. “Hi! You must be the female trainee the staff told us about! My name’s Jeong Yunho, what’s yours?”

“Baek Minyoung. Or Juliet, whichever you prefer,” she says before bowing to him. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Juliet,” Yunho tries, still smiling brightly. She wonders how someone can be so cheerful after a long day, but his joyful disposition is definitely not unwelcome. “That’s a pretty name! Did you grow up abroad?”

“Yeah, I’m from Australia, but I’ve been living in Seoul since 2014.”

Yunho nods, eyes sparkling with amazement. “That’s cool! I’ve always wanted to go there. Is this your first time being a trainee?” he asks as they sit, ensuring that there’s a reasonable distance between them as to not make her uncomfortable. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Juliet, and she smiles wider to show her gratefulness.

“No, I trained under another company for two years before coming here,” she says quietly, omitting the name of said company to avoid being asked about her time there.

As though sensing her reluctance, Yunho dances around the topic. “Then you’re already a lot more experienced than most of us, so you don’t have anything to worry about! Did they give you a tour of the building yet?”

“Yeah, but it was pretty brief, so I might forget a lot of it after today,” Juliet admits sheepishly.

Yunho giggles. “Don’t stress it, the same happened to me too! But Hongjoong-hyung—he’s another trainee here, but he won’t be here today because he has another class—helped me, so if you need someone to show you around, I’d be more than happy to!”

Juliet smiles shyly. “Thank you, that’d be really great. Speaking of the other trainees, where is everyone?”

“Oh, they’re still probably at school or on the way here! We can keep talking until our trainer arrives—he’s really nice, so you don’t have to be nervous—or we can just... sit, if you don’t really want to talk. Either is fine!”

Now it’s Juliet’s turn to laugh. “No, no, we can totally chat! I don’t know much about anyone or anything here, so that can be a place to start!”

Turns out Yunho was extremely easy to talk to, and Juliet found that the following fifteen minutes or so passed by as though they were nothing.

It was slightly awkward when the trainee arrived with just the two of them in the room, but that remedied itself when a second boy, just as tall as Yunho, burst into the room, mumbling apologies for being late as the trainer simply laughed and told him to get ready.

The atmosphere was definitely more lighthearted than what Juliet was used to at SM, perhaps due to the jarring difference in the number of trainees in the room. Not that the trainer didn’t take them seriously—in fact, quite the opposite—it was just that everyone was less... tense and had more room to joke around.

The change wasn’t unwelcome, and Juliet finally understood what Yunho meant when he told her she didn’t have to be too nervous.

She does find it slightly nerve-wracking that the second boy would occasionally look at her confusedly whenever Yunho talked to her, but she supposes that it’s inevitable whenever a new trainee joins the company. Hell, it happened plenty of times at her former company as so many trainees would come and go, and everyone would be eager to get to know the new trainees. Some because they wanted to make new friends, others because they wanted to assess and intimidate the competition.

Juliet hopes that in this case, it won’t be the latter.

When they’re given a 5-minute break, all three of them walk back to where their bags are to take a sip—or rather, huge gulps—of water.

“You did great!” Yunho tells her, his bright smile never leaving his face despite how tired they all are.

“Thank you, so did you!”

“By the way, this is my friend Mingi,” Yunho introduces, patting his friend’s back to get his attention. “Mingi, this is Juliet. It’s her first day here.”

“Hi,” Mingi rumbles in his deep voice, “I was a bit confused back there because I thought you two were already friends because you seemed so friendly, but I didn’t recall Yunho having mentioned you before. Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable from the staring.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Juliet tells him, smiling to reassure him because of how apologetic he sounded. “Yunho’s just really friendly. I would’ve been an awkward mess if he didn’t talk to me first.” The tips of Yunho’s ears turn pink from her praise. “Did you two meet here too?”

Mingi shakes his head. “Nope, we’ve been friends for a few years before we came here.”

She can’t help but blurt out, “Do you only have tall friends?”

The two boys freeze, taken aback, though they quickly recover after a few seconds and burst into giggles.

“No, because we have you as a friend now,” Yunho says cheekily. Juliet can’t even find it in her to be offended, not when they just called her their friend. “Don’t worry, you’re young, you still have time to grow taller! Wait, when we’re you born?”

“2001.”

Mingi grins. “See? You’re fifteen? Sixteen? You have time! Plus, you’re not even that short now!”

“Easy for you two to say! I feel like I’m gonna strain my neck someday from talking to you guys!”

Yunho and Mingi exchange looks before crouching down to her height, though they don’t last long before they whine about how the position makes their thighs burn, especially from all the dancing they did, making Juliet giggle.

“Do you wanna get food with us later?” the older boy asks as he stands back up to his full height. “There’s this stall around the corner from the building that makes really good tteokbokki! Mingi and I always go there after training. You know, we gotta reward ourselves somehow.”

The girl smiles hesitantly. “I mean... if you don’t mind me tagging along, then I’d love to join.”

“Why would we mind? We’re friends now, aren’t we?”

“We... are?”

“You sound so unsure!” Mingi whines. She doesn’t know how she saw Mingi as scary earlier, because all those feelings of intimidation she felt towards him dissipated into thin air the moment they started talking. “C’mon, say it with more confidence!”

“We are!”

“That’s the spirit!”

a/n: “yunho dances around the topic” haha get it bc he’s a dancer 🤩🤩 i’m so sorry i’ll go show myself out 🚪🚶🏻‍♀️ anyways yungi best boys and i will not accept alternate opinions ✨✨ please feel free to leave feedback and chat with me, and have a good day!! ❤️

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mojwisungie · 3 years

Text

imgn | college crush

req (from: anon) ➥ : can you write a college crush jisung fluff where the reader has a Slight crush on him but they’re too scared to talk to him so they just admire him from afar and their friends get tired of it so their friends end up telling jisung about their crush and when jisung asks the reader about it, they immediately book it bc they’re too nervous to speak to him, but eventually they get pushed together at a late night study event made by their college

☄︎ summary: renjun has had enough of you crushing on his other friend jisung. you try to escape his doing but actually, youre set yourself on another encounter ☄︎ pairing: park jisung x reader ☄︎ lou.note: this has been overdue >.< im sorry anonie!! this really got pushed back bc of the editing, but enjoy reading!!

its another typical lunch at the cafeteria with the demons renjun and jeno

and youre once again admiring a cute guy from a distant table

“stop ogling at your crush, its disgusting,” renjun says

and you dont hear him bc you definitely were staring at your crush: park jisung

jeno waves his hands in front of you

youre just like (*´﹃｀*) huh

RENJUN HAS HAD ENOUGH

renjun: y/n just tell him you like him

y/n: no ❤

being the mediator in this friendship, jeno just laughs and advises you to just go for it

jisung was in your sociology class, and he’s friends with him and renjun anyway

you only retort with snort and decide to finish eating

while explaining why youre scared content from just loving him from afar

but no, mr huang is not dealing with your rambling

bc he knows it will just end up with you talking about jisung

and i repeat: he’s. had. enough.

so he just cuts you off with “istg if you dont do it, i will make you”

but you thought he was bluffing so

renjun: (`ー´)

you: (⁎⁍̴ڡ⁍̴⁎)

he sighs heavily

and texts jaemin to tell jisung to come to the table

he receives a “wow.. with y/n there? okay ^_^” in reply

jeno nudges you and chokes

you offer him your water and youre like “u good?”

before he could answer, renjun pulls him away from the table

“i’ll let him choke somewhere else :)”

and youre like ???? NO ??? im coming with you wdym

“no no y/n it’s fine :) just have a good lunch with jisung :)”

you whip your head to where he originally sat

jisung is there... shyly waving at you....

YOU CHOKE ON AIR

when you look back at your side, theyre ✨gone✨

so you smile cautiously at jisung

to describe the time you spent together, i have a thing or two to describe it: no words

you both ate quietly

until jisung clears his throat

“Y/n... uhm can i ask you a question?”

“Sure,” you answer right away as you fix your things

“Well... Renjun-hyung told me you like me....... is it true?”

HEAD GOES BLANK

“I-I .. t-to be h-honest...” you stutter

before you could even answer.. you bolt out of the cafeteria

WHAT A MOVE !

you decide to forget about it and just go to your classes

the day passes by and you’re on your way to your last class

and u realize its sociology... the class you have with jisung

u played yourself 😃

you enter the class from the back door and you let out a sigh of relief when u see he’s already in his seat at the middle row

so u sit it at the back now, obviously

the class goes on until your professor talks about the special event in his class

it’s the annual Who Are We event !

you’re genuinely excited bc you met Jay here last year and youre still friends

Jay is on the dance team with Jisung too and actually asked if you want him to get his number for you

this event is actually done for the class to be closer, since,,, yall do be in sociology

and you guys arent given your partners name until the night of the event

it comes along with the list of topics/questions youre safe to ask

so after days of waiting and not rambling about jisung to renjun and jeno

its finally ! D-DAY !

youre given your box

and you see the initials on top: PJS

tbh you shrug it off bc maybe you got paired with Jay again ! Park Jong-Seong is PJS too right???

lmao u wish

life is playing with u im sorry

bc you open the box to see a green paper with only Park Jisung written on it

and when you look infront of you, he’s already there

HONESTLY you go straight to what the event is about

and that’s to get to know each other

both of you are comfortable now :’) congrats

the time is almost over and you guys already finished the whole box

when jisung decides to tell you one last thing

“Oh uh, I’m sorry for what happened before by the way”

tbh you cant remember at first

then it hits you

and maybe he noticed with the way your face changed expression

so he goes, “I’m sorry for asking you! I mean you had every right to leave bc I know I shouldn’t have done it even if Renjun-hyung told me to... so I’m really sorry 🥺”

youre speechless

bc tbh you expected him to despise you after leaving him like that

but you know someday you have to confess, one way or another

and you know you’ll fall for him harder when you guys do become friends lol

you decide to come clean by answering

“I’m sure Renjun will beat me up if I dont get honest with you right now so... yeah I do like you”

you lower your head in embarrassment bc its The Park Jisung

what you didnt know is that he’s actually smiling bc he likes you too :)

the bell rings and indicates that the event is over :T

so you both fix your things and bid each other goodbye

but ... he isnt going to let this opportunity to go to waste

he gotta do what he gotta do 🤠

he catches your wrist as you both go out the door

“Y/n... are you free on Saturday? Because I’d like to know if we could go to the local cafe.. for a date :)”

bonus:

you dont tell renjun and jeno about the date

and jisung actually just forgot to tell chenle and jaemin 😬

AND the four men of the apocalypse just decided to go to the cafe without the two of you

.... which led to them finding out you DID go on a date

lets just say it became a group hangout and jisung asked you for another date (without his and your friends)

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nishiisenpai · 4 years

Text

you were right - ushijima wakatoshi x reader

REQUEST: “Hi! I heard you take requests, so what about Angst with Ushijima accidentally shouting at his s/o for thinking that he was right about something but actually his s/o was (you can choose about the topic, but if you need a topic, tell me) and then he is regretting it bc he never wanted to shout at his s/o who is now ignoring him and he is just apologizing so much and it makes him crazy that his s/o is ignoring him. - @janin1ushijima “

A/N: I love this man so much it is LITERALLY a blessing my friend introduced me to Haikyuu or else I wouldn’t have stumbled upon his sexy ass- anyways as we were speaking, I hope I didn’t disappoint and this was what you requested for!

WARNING: angst and angst only. fluff if you squint. {cursing will be added in}

WHO: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader, {Tendou! Best Friend}

part two

You were walking to Ushijima’s and Tendou’s shared dorm room to hang out with your best friend Tendou because he was bored and that Ushijima was out on his daily afternoon run that Tendou didn’t want to go to.

“Oh hey Y/N!” Tendou had greeted you at the door.

“Hey Tendou! Toshi’s not here yet, right?” You walked behind Tendou entering the boy’s dorm.

“Nope. He left me alone an hour ago and I hate him for doing so.”

“Well that’s why you got me!” You hugged your best friend after not seeing him for so long.

“Aren’t you so cute?” Tendou pinched your cheek and you shot him a disgusted face.

“Oh shut up chicken legs.”

“Hey! That’s not nice.” He grumbled and you laughed.

“Sorry, Tendou, you know I don’t mean it.” you placed a small smile.

“I know, I know, wanna play Just Dance?”

“You know it.” you shot finger guns towards him while grinning and raising your eyebrows.

“You really do be showing more emotions than Ushijima right now.”

“Hey don’t disrespect Toshi like that.” you crossed your arms huffing out air.

“Okay okay, I won’t. Now let’s play shall we?”

It’s been roughly thirty minutes of both you and Tendou dancing to Just Dance. You guys decided to sit on the couch and take a break while eating some snacks.

“Hey, Y/N,” Tendou said making you whip your head around with a gummy work dangling out of your hand.

“BAHAHAHAH YOU LOOK SO RIDICULOUS IN THIS.” as Tendou looks at his phone to the photo he took of you.

“SATORI TENDOU, YOU DELETE THAT PHOTO RIGHT NOW.” You said widening your eyes and instructing Tendou to get rid of the photo.

“Hmmm, let me think about it... Nah, I’m good.”

“TENDOU!” you said reaching for his phone and he lifted his arm.

“No way! This is blackmail against you.” and you kept reaching for the phone, pressing your body against Tendou in order to reach for it. He got up from his side of the couch and started running around the dorm room. You chased after him too with the mission to delete the horrid photo off his phone. That’s when the ruckus started.

“Oh hey Ushijima.” Tendou stood in the small living area carrying his phone close to his chest.

“Hey Tendou-”

“SATORI TENDO, GET BACK HERE, OOF-” as you fully charged into Tendou’s body and wrapped your arms onto him not knowing that your boyfriend stood at the entrance way.

“Give me your phone right now. I need to delete that picture.”

“Uhm, no? You looked so funny in it.”

“No I did not! You’re not going anywhere with that.” As you hugged Tendou tightly so that he wouldn’t be able to move.

“Y/N?” Ushijima called out to you. Your head whipped to the direction of your boyfriend and your eyes sparkled seeing him.

“Toshi!” As you unwrapped your arms around Tendou’s body and headed to Ushijima with open arms but Ushijima placed a hand out.

“Don’t come near me.” He said in his monotone voice.

“Huh? Why? Is there something wrong?” Your concerned self walked closer to him with your hands in front of you but were still relatively close to your chest

“I said, don’t come near me.”

“Babe, are you okay?”

“Yeah, dude. Are you okay?” Tendou asked from behind.

“I SAID DON’T COME NEAR ME CHEATER!” Ushijima’s voice raised and this was the first time you’ve heard him fully yell at you. Also accused you too of being a cheater. Tendou had quietly directed himself out the door so he would stop further conflictment.

“What?” That’s all you could manage to spit out shocked during this moment.

“Get away from me you cheater. I know what you did with Tendou while I was gone.” He said looking at you with dull eyes and his sharp look.

“Baby, it’s not what it looks like. You got us all wrong.”

“Oh yeah? Well explain that close interaction I just saw when I walked through the door!” He yelled.

“Toshi! I was stopping Tendou from running away so that I can delete a photo he had of me.”

“Oh so now both my girlfriend and best friend have secret pictures of each other behind my back?”

“Why are you acting like this? I’m telling you there is nothing going on between Tendou and I!” you yelled back with frustration rising up. Tears slowly welled up in your eyes.

“I knew that you were cheating on me. This explains all the close interactions you had with Tendou. I can’t believe I dated a cheater. And best friends with a bitch.” he scoffed and couldn’t look your way.

“You are absurd and so fucking dumb Wakatoshi! I just told you I was trying to delete a stupid photo of me in Tendou’s phone, but you decide to pull the “cheater” card. Are you insane? We’ve been dating for years already, and you know. YOU KNOW, that Tendou is my best friend. So don’t pull this shit on me.” tears slid down your cheeks.

“Also how can you say that about your best friend Tendou like that! You guys are buddies and not once have I tried making a move on him. You wanna know why? Because I don’t date people for their best friend. I date them for them and not to hook with their friends on the side. Tendou’s my best friend! He’s your best friend too! Sure I love him, but not in the way that I do to you!” you screamed at him.

“GOD YOU’RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING. JUST ADMIT YOU’RE A CHEATER AND LEAVE!” Ushijima yelled out at you and your eyes widened as the tears flowed down your cheeks.

“Ahhh, I see... I’m a cheater, huh?” you said giving him a bitter chuckle before going to the couch to grab your bag and taking off Ushijima’s hoodie you had worn coming here.

“Wait, no- Y/N, I didn’t mean that.” Ushijima’s eyes widened as he walked closer to you realizing what he said to you. You turned around bitterly chuckling wiping away a tear coming from your eyes.

“No you’re right, I should leave. You said that a cheater like me should leave. That’s what I’m going to do.” As you walked to the entrance to put on your shoes and grabbed the door handle. Ushijima hurriedly walked over to you.

“Y/N, listen, I-I-I was wrong. It just slipped and I’m so sorry. Please stay, I don’t know what I’d do without you and I was wrong.” he pleaded for you to stay.

“Goodbye, Ushijima Wakatoshi. I hope you take this time between us and relish on it before coming back to your senses.” You turned to face him with a sad smile as tears welled down your face. You went on your tippy toes placing your hands on both sides of his face before giving him a small kiss on the forehead.

Ushijima had closed his eyes savouring the gentle feeling of your lips on his forehead as he let out the pent up tears in his eyes.

“Please don’t go.” As he looked at you with a raw expression he’s hasn’t shown you before.

“Goodbye.” you grabbed the door handle and left Ushijima in his dorm sitting, facing the door to where he lost you.

“Hey Y/N... It’s been five days since I heard your pretty voice or even got a response from you. I’m so sorry for what happened previously. I didn’t mean to say that or even shout at you and I was just so jealous and frustrated. If you can just text me back or call me, or say anything it would be amazing. From Toshi.”

“Hey Y/N, it’s been a full week and you’re ignoring me. I get it... I know what I did was absolute shit and I don’t know how to make it up to you... God I am so fucking stupid for blaming you and Tendou. I’m so sorry that I had to let my jealousy get to me. You were right. Tendou showed me the photo of you and my fucking god do I miss you, your pretty face, kisses, hugs, laugh... Please come back to me. I miss you and I’m sorry again for causing you so much pain. From Toshi.”

“Hey baby, it’s been three weeks since I last heard from you. I am so crazy about you. Every morning I wake up in sweat knowing you’re not with me in my bed cuddling or sending me your daily morning text messages, or asking about how my day was. I miss the way your smile would light up the room and make me feel better after a shit practice with the boys. I miss the way your cheeks turn into a shade of pink when your blushing or flustered. Gosh you’re so fucking cute and I just want to hug you to death. Not literally, but you know what I mean... I miss the way you bring food for the boys during practice and the way you wear my hoodies and how they are always bigger on you. I just love and miss seeing you or hearing you everyday. I am so sorry that I was a pain in the ass and I can’t stand not having you back into my life. So how about I make it up to you with dinner tonight, at eight pm, my place and I’ll kick out Tendou and make you your favourite? Love Toshi.”

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palmett-hoes · 3 years

Note

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)

oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts

---

okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

h o w e v e r i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition

- - -

similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd

- - -

so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type.

like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.

neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:

“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”

(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive

neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away

what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.

but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!

---

let’s move on to nicky.

now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.

so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd

so, adhd:

very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation

i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype

also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail

so now, asd:

in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them.

the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out

only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.

actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers

and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it

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now last but not least, aaron

this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit

much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type

in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time

and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd

addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)

(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)

#Anonymous #txt #andrew minyard #kevin day #neil josten #nicky hemmick #aaron minyard #my posts #im talkin #cw addiction #cw addiction mentioned

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