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echo-bleu · 4 years

Text

jump and hope it’s not a cliff

Summary: Five times Alec and Magnus come out, and one time they come home.

“I’m gay,” he blurts out.

Some part of him still expects it to be earth-shattering, but it’s not. It’s almost nothing, just a word, a single syllable that falls out of his lips easily. It doesn’t suddenly make everything click into place, or scramble his whole being.

It’s just a fact.

Malec, about coming out and pride and supporting each other.

A/N: This is set in the same universe as map out a world and there are a few callbacks, but this should easily stand on its own. Alec is autistic, and everything else is mostly like canon, except that I stretched out the timeline. Part 1 to 3 are set somewhere during season 2, 4 during season 3 and the last two at some point in the future. The title is a quote from Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (thank you Cor for the suggestion).

A huge thank you to the amazing @moonlight-breeze-44 who did a great job betaing this and cheering me on, as well as all the wonderful people in the Malec Discord Server for helping me come up with some of these scenes and being super supportive. This fic was truly a work of love and it's very close to my heart, so it's a little daunting to finally post it!

Warnings: part 5 contains a transphobic character who says very transphobic things. You might want to skip that part if it's a sensitive subject. The rest contains mentions of (mostly past) queerphobia and ableism, but it's all fairly light.

Read on AO3.

Alec can’t remember a specific moment when they came out to each other. He remembers Magnus openly flirting with him — right in front of his siblings, too, and Alec is just embarrassed by how utterly clueless he was, though Magnus seems to think it was adorable — and his own clumsy attempts at flirting back, once he got over his confusion. But he doesn’t remember ever saying “I’m gay.”

He’s not sure he’s ever said it out loud, to anyone, like the word is heavy and draining and it’s something best left half-implied, a whisper of a suspicion rather than a hard fact; despite the evidence. Alec is attracted to men — is attracted to Magnus, really, because besides his mistaken infatuation with Jace, he’s never felt that pull for anyone else — but he doesn’t speak of it. Magnus just seemed to know, just like Izzy did, just like Jace did, or maybe he took a leap of faith and he’s really good at appearing more confident than he actually is.

What he does remember is skimming through Magnus’ Clave file, that day before they went to meet him at his club, and the leap his heart made when he read about Magnus’ well known “proclivities” towards lovers of all genders. It was followed by fear and disgust, because of course the Clave would write this down as proof of Magnus’ untrustworthiness and dangerous behavior. Alec was dangerously close to thinking that way, back then, too terrified of people finding out about him to fully question what he’d been taught to believe. He tucked the information into a corner of his mind, and he’d be hard-pressed to tell if it influenced his first impression of Magnus and how.

They’ve been dating for over two months now, and they’ve never spoken about it. They’ve never spoken about Alec’s very public coming out to the Clave beyond agreeing to a date. They’ve discussed past relationships — or lack thereof — and the political issues that come with a Shadowhunter dating a Downworlder, especially as they’re both prominent figures in the city, but they’ve never spoken of themselves or the couple they form in terms of queerness.

And now, staring at the rainbow cover of the new book in Magnus’ hands, Alec wonders why.

He shakes himself out of his thoughts and finishes hanging his jacket on the coat rack as Magnus puts down the book and stands up with a wide smile. They’ve decided on a quiet night in tonight — dinner and a movie — after a week that has been horrendously long for both of them. Unresolved issues are piling up at the Institute, but right now Alec just wants to relax and enjoy his boyfriend.

Boyfriend. He’s still getting used to that. He thought for so long that he could never have any of the things that so many people take for granted, and feeling for someone what he feels for Magnus, having it reciprocated, seemed the most unattainable of them all.

“You seem distracted,” Magnus remarks after a moment of silence in their dinner.

Alec looks up guiltily and stills his fingers, which have been tapping a discreet rhythm on his thigh. “Sorry,” he says, sheepish. “I didn’t mean to zone out.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“You,” Alec admits — it’s not a hardship to admit it at all. He spends most of the time that isn’t directly taken up by Institute business thinking about Magnus, in one form or another. He worries, often, that maybe it’s too much, that Magnus is going to find him too intense, but so far Magnus just preens at the attention.

“I’m flattered,” Magnus quips. “Anything specific?”

Alec’s eyes fall on the rainbow book on the coffee table again, across the room. It’s a book about queer history or something similar, something he hasn’t seen Magnus read about before. It’s flashy and mundane and distracting. There’s a strange tug in Alec’s stomach at just seeing a rainbow here, in Magnus’ living space, a fear that shouldn’t be there anymore.

“I’m gay,” he blurts out.

It’s just a fact.

“Okay,” Magnus says slowly, frowning a little like he can tell he’s missing something. “I already knew that, Alexander.”

Alec runs his thumb down the fabric of his jeans and works his jaw. “Yeah,” he says. “I’m not sure I did.”

Magnus frowns further, uncomprehending, then his face lights up. “You’ve never actually said it, have you? If you came out at the wedding—” he waves a hand.

“That wasn’t planned, and my parents aren’t exactly interested in talking about it,” Alec says. “I kinda feel like I used you, actually. We weren’t even dating or anything, and there’s a gap between flirting with me and kissing me in front of the entire Institute.”

Magnus shakes his head. “I was surprised, but I’ve never been shy or particularly closeted, if that’s what you mean. And I was definitely hoping that you’d call off the wedding. It was a hell of a way to come out, though.”

“It sure didn’t help my standing with the Clave,” Alec mutters. “Or my relationship with my parents. But I don’t regret it. I regret not really giving you a choice, though. Even if you’re not in the closet, I know the Institute doesn’t represent something positive for you, and publicly being with a Shadowhunter can’t be good for your reputation.”

“My reputation has been through much worse than this,” Magnus reassures him. “But I appreciate your concern. And I promise you I was a willing participant.”

Alec nods in acceptance and eats a few more bites of his risotto. Like everything Magnus conjures, it’s delicious. They eat in silence for a moment, but Alec feels Magnus’ gaze on him, intense but somehow not heavy.

“I’m bisexual,” Magnus finally says. “I’ve used many labels over the years, some whose meaning is very different now, and often no labels at all, but that’s the one I like best.”

Alec carefully commits the information to memory and looks up to meet his eyes, to show that he’s listening.

“Did you always know?” he asks. “Even when you had no words for it?”

Magnus takes a moment to think about it. “I think so,” he answers. “It was always a part of me, like my magic or my eyes. I didn’t always accept it, but I knew.”

Alec nods, feeling like he can’t relate to that certainty. Clarity isn’t something he’s ever had about himself, about anything. Whether it’s about his sexuality, or his aspirations, or even who he is as a person, it’s always been muddled. The identities his parents and the Clave tried to impose on him, Shadowhunter and Lightwood and soldier, have never felt quite right, like he doesn’t fit into the boxes he desperately tries to hide in, but neither have the labels he’s come across since, not really.

“I’m gay,” he murmurs to himself again. He’s not sure it feels right. Maybe he just needs to get used to it, after years of not daring to apply the word to himself. Maybe it’s really just a word, and its power drained out with the need to hide. Alec shakes his head. It’s better than anything else. It’s enough. It has to be, right?

Magnus claps his hands once, making a bowl of popcorn appear on his knees. “Here,” he says. “The real movie night experience.”

He had been horrified to learn that Alec has never done that before. His siblings have sneaked out to go to the movies with their teenage dates, but Alec was always the good son, and the Institute only has one TV in the break room that is certainly not casually watched by the Head of the Institute, which Alec has functionally been since he was sixteen.

Magnus doesn’t count the few classic movies Alec watched on his own on his laptop in the safety of his room as a real movie night experience. Movie night is, by definition, something you do with others.

He passes the bowl of popcorn to Alec, taking a few pieces with his other hand and popping them into his mouth. They’re sitting side by side on the couch in his living room, rearranged for the occasion. Magnus has pushed aside the two armchairs that usually occupy the other side of the coffee table in favor of a huge wide screen TV, which is currently displaying the opening scene of The Fellowship of the Ring.

“Why does it include popcorn?” Alec frowns, taking a few from the bowl and passing it back. He’s sitting cross-legged on the couch, a fluffy pillow on his lap and his new tangle toy in his hand. He’s very recently started to loosen up around the loft and actually make himself comfortable, rather than constantly staying straight-backed and tense, and Magnus never tires of watching him stim and relax.

Magnus puts his feet up on the coffee table. “It’s tradition, Alexander!”

“Aren’t you way older than the invention of the cinema?”

“Come on, movie night is something you’re supposed to enjoy, not question,” Magnus says. “Shh, I love this bit,” he adds when Gandalf makes his entrance.

Alec huffs and sits back, but there’s a smile on his face, and he’s almost close enough that their thighs touch. Magnus lets him take the first step, knowing that Alec doesn’t always handle touch well, but by the time Frodo sets out of the Shire, Alec has sought out Magnus’ free hand and interlaced it with his own.

He listens amusedly to Magnus commenting on every moment of the movie, marveling at the landscapes and critiquing the largest departures from the books, which Alec hasn’t even read. He doesn’t say anything beyond making some noises at the right places, up until the first sword fights.

“But you can’t hold a sword that way!” he protests. “His posture is all wrong!”

Magnus holds back a laugh. “It’s a movie, darling. Cinematic aestheticism is more important than realism.”

“But this is wrong! How can anyone not see it?”

Magnus keeps it to himself that he definitely didn’t, in spite of his rather extensive training. His martial arts knowledge is very different from Alec’s sword-fighting techniques. “Just relax and let yourself enjoy it,” he says, squeezing Alec’s hand.

By the time they get to the Moria fight, Alec is leaning forward to watch more closely and sputtering. “That’s not how you hold a bow!”

Magnus shrugs. “He looks rather dashing while doing it, so who cares?”

“Who cares? I care! This doesn’t make any sense! Don’t these actors have a modicum of training?”

“I’m sure they do,” Magnus says. Alec’s indignation is rather hilarious, even if it doesn’t let him truly enjoy the movie. His purpose was to show it to Alec, anyway, not to watch it himself. Watching Alec’s reactions is endearing and more fun than the movie itself. “But they’re thinking more about making it look good than realistic. And they’re all really hot doing it, which doesn’t hurt.”

Alec blinks at that and tilts his head. “You think they’re hot?”

Magnus turns his head toward him in surprise. “Don’t you?”

Is Alec jealous? It doesn’t seem to fit with his character, not over such a small thing, but Magnus doesn’t know everything about him yet.

“I don’t know, I guess?” Alec shrugs. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

Magnus opens his mouth and closes it. He pauses the movie, and Alec frowns in surprise. “Alec, do you...who do you think is hot?”

“I, uh,” Alec hesitates. “I don’t know. Why is that important?”

“It’s not, necessarily, but most people don’t say ‘I guess’ when asked if someone is hot or sexy. You can have a type, but—” Magnus gestures in frustration, struggling to explain. “It’s something you see right away.”

Alec stares at him for a moment, lost. “I don’t… I’m not sure I understand. I mean, you’re beautiful. You’re hot, I suppose. Them—” he gestures at the TV. “I don’t know them.”

Magnus carefully doesn’t let the ‘I suppose’ hurt — he knows Alec doesn’t mean it the way it sounds. He smiles at the compliment, instead. “So you need to know someone to appreciate their sexiness?” he asks.

Alec takes a moment to think about it. “You’re the only one I’ve really thought of as sexy,” he says slowly. “And even then...it’s not something I’d think unprompted? It’s just not important to me, I suppose.”

“Alexander, are you asexual?” Magnus asks slowly.

For a moment, Alec looks like a fish out of water. He opens his mouth and closes it several times, searching for his words. He’s twisting his stim toy more and more nervously, so Magnus releases his hand to let him stim freely, putting his own hand on Alec’s thigh instead. Alec flinches away, though, so he lets him go.

“I don’t know,” Alec finally says. “Maybe? What if I am?”

“There’s a bunch of different identities under the asexual umbrella,” Magnus says. “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

Alec freezes for a second, then squeezes his tangle toy hard in his hand. “Is it a problem? If I’m completely asexual?”

“No, of course not,” Magnus says hurriedly. “You’re wonderful the way you are.”

“Then why is it important?”

“For us?” Magnus checks. Alec nods without looking in his direction. “It just means that we need to talk about boundaries a little more than I’m used to. I want to do that with you, anyway, but maybe we should dig deeper than I anticipated.”

Alec nods tightly. “Okay.” He doesn’t sound like he really believes it.

“Alexander, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but it doesn’t make you lesser, or broken, if you don’t feel attraction to people. It’s just different. Some people are straight, some are gay, or bi, or something else. Some are ace.”

“But I’m gay,” Alec says.

It dawns on Magnus then. Of course, in the homophobic environment Alec grew up in, he would have defined a large part of his identity through his gayness, even before he was fully aware of it. Now that he’s come out, there are likely people at the Institute or even the Clave who only think of him as “the gay one”. Or “the gay one who is shagging a Downworlder,” probably, but Magnus doesn’t want to open that particular can of worms tonight.

“It doesn’t make you any less gay,” he says. “You can be asexual and homoromantic. Or gray-asexual or demisexual and still sexually attracted to men.”

“I think I’m attracted to you,” Alec says quietly. “I mean, sexually. I know I want to kiss you and date you, but I think I also want to have sex with you.” He’s red as a brick wall by the end of his sentence, but he bravely plows through, his voice even quieter. “I don’t think I was sexually attracted to Jace.”

Magnus nods as neutrally as he can. “And other people?”

Alec just shakes his head.

“Even romantically?”

He shakes his head again, his cheeks even redder. He’s started stimming again, so fast that his hands are a blur.

Magnus refrains from telling him that he feels giddy about being so special for Alec, because this isn’t something Alec chose. He doesn’t try to touch him, even though he wants to reach out. “So you’ve only been romantically attracted to people you already knew?”

“I don’t know,” Alec shrugs. “I didn’t really know you?”

“When did you start feeling attraction for me?”

Alec bites his lip, thinking. “I liked that you paid attention to me. No one gives me a second look, usually, unless I’m giving out orders. Jace and Izzy are easier to...approach, I guess. But I didn’t feel like...like you said, losing my breath and all that, until later. The day you said that, actually.”

“So you did know me by then,” Magnus says, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“Were you attracted to me from the beginning?” Alec asks hesitantly, like he’s not sure he wants to know the answer.

“Yes,” Magnus admits easily. “But attraction isn’t something you have to act on. I liked what I saw as soon as I laid eyes on you, but then I learned to appreciate you. Your personality, your sense of humor, your loyalty to your siblings. That’s not just attraction. That’s falling in love.”

“And asexuals can do that?”

“Some of them can, some of them can’t. Some want to and some don’t. There’s no one-size-fits-all with this.”

“So what am I?”

Magnus takes a breath, trying to figure out what Alec really needs to hear. Does he need a label? Or just reassurance? He decides to go for the option that feels the least patronizing and tries to answer his actual question. “You can correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that what you’re describing is demisexuality, and maybe also demi-romanticism. It means you need to know someone, to have an emotional connection to them, before you feel attraction. But you could also say that you’re gray-ace and gray-romantic, since you don’t experience attraction often or in the same way as most people, but you do have some attraction.”

Alec nods throughout, his eyes boring a hole into the TV he’s staring at with intense focus. Magnus can even see him mouth some of the words, trying them out. “I think that sounds right,” he says slowly. “I don’t know, I need to think about it more, but it’s a start.”

“You don’t need to settle on a label tonight,” Magnus tells him.

Alec swallows. “No, I know, but...you deserve to know. Even if you’re amazingly tolerant, you deserve to know what you’re getting into.”

Magnus closes his eyes briefly. “No, Alexander,” he says, pained. “Your identities are yours and yours alone, and you don’t need to put words on them for me. I’m not being tolerant; I love you for who you are, and anyone who can’t accept you, all of you, doesn’t deserve the time of the day. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Alec breathes out through his nose and stills his hands for long enough to look in Magnus’ direction. “Okay,” he murmurs with a tiny smile. He reaches out and takes Magnus’ hand in his. “I love you too.”

“Mister Bane, please refrain from interrupting me in the future.”

Magnus sighs. The meeting has been going on forever, and the President of the Spiral Council, a warlock older than himself but disliked by nearly the entire community, is being downright insulting by refusing to call him by his rightful title of High Warlock. He feels the usual prickle of his skin at the address, at the way she insists on the Mister.

“My apologies,” he relents, all energy to argue drained out of him. He’s been fighting her on this matter — a change in the interrogation protocols for the warlocks captured by Valentine, ultimately a waste of resources — for three hours, and he’s done. He glares at the assembled warlocks around the table, who all agree with him but don’t have the guts to speak up. Why does he always have to do all the work?

He sits through the rest of the meeting without saying a word, resolutely ignoring the constant taunts from the President. She’s not worth his time. Not if no one will back him up.

Magnus is tired and more than a little upset when he makes it back to his loft. Minor inconveniences are piling up to make today one of the worst days of work he’s had in awhile. At least Alec will be here tonight, on his night off from patrol.

Magnus magically summons the few bills that have been left in his mundane mailbox downstairs at the same time as he takes off his jacket and haphazardly throws it on the floor of his bedroom. His heart constricts a little more at the sight of the address, Mister Magnus Bane. He doesn’t want to deal with this today, but he can’t seem to escape it.

He banishes the bills and changes his outfit to a silk robe with a snap of his fingers. There, better. At least now he’s comfortable.

Sighing, he sits down at his makeup console. He looks at himself critically for a moment. He went overboard with the makeup this morning, and the heavy, dark eyeshadow that he thought made him look mysterious now just seems to carve in his eye sockets, and he looks gaunt instead. He makes it disappear, leaving only the light eyeliner lines.

He woke up with a strong need to shave off his goatee, along with most of the hair on his body. He goes through one of these phases every now and then. He would usually do it straight away, but this time, he hesitated. What will Alec think, if he comes over tonight and finds Magnus smooth-skinned, not only his face but also his chest and legs?

Sure, Magnus could technically magic back the hair as soon as Alec gets here, but it doesn’t feel right.

“Everything okay?”

Magnus starts and almost falls off of his chair in surprise. Alec is standing at the door of his bedroom, in his socks. In his distraction, Magnus somehow missed him passing his wards, coming through the front door and removing his shoes.

“Fine,” he says. “Just a frustrating day. But you’re here now.”

Alec smiles. “I am. We can just chill out in bed, if you’re tired.”

“What about dinner?”

“I could do dinner in bed,” Alec shrugs. “I’ve been on my feet all day and most of last night. If I had my way, I wouldn’t move from bed for at least two days.”

“I could arrange that,” Magnus quips. He knows Alec would never go for it — for all that he says that, he’ll still be up at six on the dot tomorrow and unable to go back to bed. So Magnus has to take advantage of him while he’s here.

Snapping his fingers, he conjures a tray filled with Chinese food from a take-out place he knows Alec likes. “Dinner in bed it is,” he says.

“See, that’s why you’re my favorite man,” Alec smiles.

Magnus flinches. An actual, full-body flinch. He tries to cover it up by standing up, but Alec immediately spreads his arms to show his harmlessness, hunching over like he’s trying to make himself shorter. “I said something wrong,” he says.

“No, it’s fine, Alexander,” Magnus waves his hand, annoyed at himself.

“Please, Magnus. I can see it. You don’t have to tell me, but it would be better so I don’t do it again.”

“It’s just…” Magnus trails off, hesitating. He’s been putting off coming out to Alec, and he doesn’t know why. Or rather, he does know, but his fears are barely rational. Alec has taken him in stride so far, barely batting an eye, even at Magnus’ more extravagant habits. He had a truly amazing reaction to seeing Magnus’ warlock mark. So why would this be any different?

No, Alec won’t react badly. But if Magnus comes out now, it will become a thing. They’ll have to talk about it, explain, like every time he tells someone, and it will be weird for days. Magnus is tired. Tired of not being able to be who he is without everyone else forcing him into boxes he doesn’t fit in.

He’s tired and he doesn’t want to explain, but he also wants Alec to know. He wants him to know why words that seem perfectly normal and safe to Alec sometimes feel like a knife to Magnus’ back. He wants to be able to make jokes about his gender and have them understood. He wants to wake up next to Alec and know that his partner knows and respects him for who he is, fully.

He takes a deep breath. “I’m not a man. I’m nonbinary.”

Alec doesn’t move. His eyes widen a little, but he doesn’t turn away from Magnus, keeping his gaze somewhere around Magnus’ mouth as usual. Magnus can almost see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to decide what to answer with.

“Okay,” he says slowly. “I don’t...I think I know what the word means, but I don’t know a lot about it. Do you want to tell me what it means to you or do you want me to research it first?” His gaze trails toward the bookshelf Magnus has put together of books on queer theory.

Magnus gapes, because this is so far from any reaction he expected that it didn’t even come to his mind as an option. “I—” he stammers. “I will tell you, but I’m too tired tonight. And maybe you could...read a couple things first? Would that be okay?”

“That’s why I offered,” Alec says, with a relieved smile.

“You’re amazing, Alexander. You know that?”

Alec grins, with that tiny frown that says he wants to refute it but knows Magnus won’t hear of it if he does. He still can’t take a compliment — he can’t, Magnus has come to learn, think of himself positively without remembering every time he’s been put down and belittled by the people who should have lifted him up. Magnus just pats his shoulder. “How about we go to bed? Tomorrow, we can talk.”

Alec nods, and Magnus realizes that he’s looking forward to it, to telling Alec about himself.

When Magnus wakes up the next morning, which is their day off — Magnus has adapted his own schedule to match Alec’s whenever possible — Alec isn’t in bed next to him. Magnus finds him in the main room, sitting crossed-legged in an armchair with his laptop on his lap, a full breakfast ready on the table. He’s obviously been up for a while, if he’s had time to prepare all that on top of his morning run and stretching routine.

“Hey,” he gives Magnus a wide smile.

“Did I oversleep?” Magnus asks. He’s definitely less of an early-riser than Alec, who tends to wake up with the sun whenever he hasn’t been on the night shift, but he’s usually awake by the time Alec comes back from his run.

“There’s no such thing on a day off, but I think you were tired,” Alec answers. “I’ve been up for three hours.”

“Oh my,” Magnus murmurs, checking the time with a wave of his hand. To his relief — and amusement — it’s only eight-thirty, definitely not that late by his standards. “What have you done with all this time?”

“Research,” Alec waves to the books on the coffee table in front of him, which Magnus only now notices. They’re from his LGBT+ book collection, and definitely his top choices for learning about gender identities. “I’m learning a lot.”

“Let me shower and we can talk about it,” Magnus decides, his body tensing with excitement and a touch of apprehension.

“Breakfast is ready when you are,” Alec smiles reassuringly.

He’s just serving coffee when Magnus comes out of the shower. Magnus hasn’t bothered to get dressed or do his makeup yet, avoiding his mirrors — which isn’t the easiest feat in his bathroom, which has no less than two full-length mirrors beside the one above the sink — because he’s not sure what he wants to look like today. His goatee still itches on his chin, but he needs to get a feel for Alec’s reaction before he goes ahead and shaves it.

He forbids himself from pulling at his facial hair and grabs his mug of coffee instead, hissing when it nearly burns his hand. “Hey, you okay?” Alec asks, his voice quiet and concerned.

“I’m fine, Alexander,” Magnus makes himself smile. There’s no reason for this to go badly. Last night, even though Alec didn’t know much, was already affirming and relieving.

The concern is always there, especially given the culture Alec comes from, but Magnus has seen Alec fight hard against his own racism and internalized homophobia, and more recently his internalized ableism — and Alec is someone who doesn’t relent until he makes things right. Especially when he’s the one who made mistakes. It’s going to be okay.

“Tell me what you need,” Alec says, meeting his eyes — something he only does when he wants to show Magnus his support, explicitly and deliberately.

“Ask me?” Magnus tries. He hates feeling this vulnerable. “Ask me whatever questions you have, without beating around the bush.” Don’t make it awkward and painful, please.

“Alright, I can do that,” Alec smiles softly, and Magnus melts a little, like every time Alec looks at him like that. He takes a sip of his coffee. “So, I’ve read that there are a lot of different nonbinary identities. Do you use any of those labels for yourself? If you want to tell me.”

Magnus swallows in gratefulness. “I don’t, not really,” he replies. “Most of those labels are very recent, and they don’t really match with how I’ve learned to think about myself. Even nonbinary doesn’t feel exactly right, even if I fit the definition. But I use it because it’s rare for me to feel part of a community, of a group of people who share that with me.”

Alec nods thoughtfully. “I think I can relate with that,” he says. “The community thing, I mean. I’ve never actually thought about my gender, not beyond where it relates to my sexuality, but I guess not needing to think about it is a good sign that I’m cis.”

“Probably,” Magnus shrugs. “Does it feel strange for you? Realizing that you’re not really dating a man?”

Alec takes the time to think about it, though he never completely looks away. “No,” he says finally. “I won’t lie, maybe a few months ago it would have, because...I fought against my own gayness so much that when I finally accepted it, I needed it to be clear-cut. But I don’t feel like that anymore. If I learned something about identities and labels, it’s that they shouldn’t be boxes where you have to cut off parts of yourself to fit inside. I love you. I’m gay. You’re nonbinary. Those don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”

Magnus needs a few long seconds before he remembers how to breathe. “They don’t,” he murmurs when he can finally speak again. Alec isn’t usually eloquent, but he has a knack for finding exactly the right words sometimes. And surprising Magnus, every day.

“Yesterday, you reacted when I called you a man,” Alec says slowly. “I’m probably going to slip up a few times until I get used to it, but can you tell me how you want me to speak of you? What words I should use?”

“Yesterday I was irritated and dysphoric,” Magnus replies. “It usually isn’t a problem. I don’t love those words and I’d prefer to avoid them when it’s just us, but socially, I’ve been taken for a man for so long… I can’t say it doesn’t bother me, but I’m not sure I can really imagine anything else. Sure, I’ve had fun glamouring myself into something more feminine, or cultivating an androgynous style at different times, but I’m still...I’m more comfortable being seen as a man than as a woman. Warlocks are sometimes seen as sexless by mortals, like Seelies, because our customs are so different, and I’ve always played with those perceptions.”

“Your name is masculine, right?”

Magnus shrugs. “Yes and no. It uses the masculine marker in Latin, but Latin was a language with grammatical gender. There are masculine words referencing females, and the other way around. And it’s a dead language, anyway. It was dead before I was born. I don’t think of my name as masculine.”

“Then, that’s what’s important,” Alec says. “What about pronouns?”

“I’ve used many different pronouns in many different languages,” Magnus answers. “I’ve always been partial to languages with no gendered pronouns like Turkish, but I really don’t care. He/him pronouns don’t make me feel bad, and I’m used to them.”

“There are languages with no gendered pronouns?” Alec asks, fascinated.

“A number of them,” Magnus says. “We really need to travel more. But to go back to your question, maybe in a few years or decades, I’ll be more comfortable with the new gender-neutral pronouns in English like they/them, but it takes me a while to get used to new things. So he/him is fine for now.”

“Okay,” Alec nods. “What about...we’ve been calling each other boyfriends. Would you rather I use something else?”

Magnus laughs, relief finally washing over him. He was tenser than he realized, and it makes him feel like jelly, suddenly. “No, Alexander. Hearing you calling me your boyfriend is far too endearing to change that. Please keep doing it.”

Alec’s face illuminates with a wide smile. “My nonbinary boyfriend,” he says playfully. “I know we’ve only barely scratched the surface, but is there something else I should know right now?”

Magnus runs a few things through his head, deciding to keep them for later — he’s very curious, and not all that apprehensive anymore, of what Alec’s reaction to him in feminine lingerie might be — and strokes his chin. “Oh,” comes the illumination. “I really want to shave my face right now. It’s been too long since I last did that.”

“Okay,” Alec says. “That’s a gender thing?”

“Sometimes facial hair feels dysphoric,” Magnus replies. “Like today. Sometimes I just want to look different.”

“I love both looks,” Alec says. “I love all of your looks. I love how I never know what you’re going to go for in the morning.”

Magnus starts eating his pancakes, but he decides that he doesn’t want to wait. He conjures a hand mirror in front of his plate and runs his glowing hand over his chin carefully, leaving smooth skin behind. Alec smiles at him over his coffee mug and Magnus smiles back, glancing at his now hairless face in the mirror. That feels better. Maybe he’ll go ahead and wax his legs and his chest as well.

“Of all the days to be called out on patrol—”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Alec sighs, trying to appease Magnus’ annoyance by squeezing his hand. It’s Sunday, it’s the middle of the day, he wasn’t expecting a call from the Institute at all. “But the nest is in a busy metro tunnel just below the end of the parade. In a few hours, there’s going to be thousands of people down there, and who knows when the demons might try to attack the trains. And they’re bat demons, so they need my bow.”

The curse—and occasional blessing, if Alec is honest with himself—of being the only archer worth his salt in the New York Institute, is that despite now being the official Head, he’s still needed on the patrol roster. Most Institute Heads retire from the field, the administrative and political work being a full time job, but Alec still goes out with his siblings several times a week, and he usually leads the special teams called to handle demon surges.

Today, he curses that necessity with everything he has. Magnus has been excited about their first Pride together for weeks, and Alec was truly happy to do this with him.

“We were supposed to go to the parade,” Magnus sulks.

“I’m really sorry,” Alec repeats. “Maybe if we handle this fast enough, I can join you part-way through? I’ll do my best.”

Magnus looks at him critically. “No. I’m coming with you.”

“I know the parade is important to you—”

“It’s only important if we go together,” Magnus answers. “If I come with you, it will be faster, and then I can portal us into the procession directly, if there’s still time.”

“Alright,” Alec nods.

The team, larger than usual patrols because of the size of the demon nest, is almost ready when Alec and Magnus make it to the ops center. Alec quickly gets his bow and quiver and straps on his thigh holsters, and moves to signal the go ahead.

“Wait,” Magnus holds him up. “If we’re going to do this, we’ll do it in style.”

Alec frowns as he waves his hand, releasing a cloud of blue magic onto the two of them. Alec looks down at himself, his eyes gliding over his outfit before he clocks the changes. The lapel of his leather jacket now holds two prominent flag pins, a rainbow one and one with the black, gray, white and purple of the asexual flag. He sees matching pins, significantly larger, on Magnus’ vest, with his own flags. It’s the first time, as far as Alec knows, that Magnus has outwardly worn his nonbinary identity in the Institute, and he feels a swell of pride at the shine in Magnus’ eyes.

“Look at your arrows, sir,” Underhill’s voice comes from over his shoulder.

Alec twists his head to see the fletching of his arrows, usually red, is now brightly colored. Each fletch bears the colors of a different pride flag.

“So we can defeat the demons with pride,” Magnus smirks when Alec looks back at him.

“I like it,” Alec smiles. The mass of bright colors hurts his eyes a little, but the gazes of his teammates on them aren’t full of judgment but of amusement, and that’s a victory in its own right. He runs a hand over the little pins on his lapel.

“Um, sir?” Underhill asks, clearing his throat.

“Yes?” Alec turns to him, but he realizes that Underhill is looking at Magnus and not at him.

He gestures at the pins Magnus is wearing, and Alec can feel Magnus brace himself for a comment. “Could I, uh, have one too?”

Magnus blinks. “Of course,” he recovers quickly. “Rainbow flag?”

“Yeah,” Underhill nods.

Magnus snaps his fingers, and a pin as large as his own appears on Underhill’s chest.

“Thank you!”

Alec is certain he can see his subordinate’s eyes shine.

“Anyone else?” Magnus asks, full of mirth. A few people grumble, including Jace, until a young Shadowhunter takes a step forward.

“Can I have a trans pin?” she asks, her voice only wavering a little.

Alec feels a swell of pride. Kara is one of the youngest recruits, a sixteen year old who’s mostly kept to herself since she transferred to the Institute last winter, because he was the only Head willing to accept her chosen name and pronouns. Her face is set in stubborn determination as she fields her teammates' stares and stands in front of Magnus. Magnus beams at her. “Here you go, darling,” he snaps his fingers again. Kara looks down at the shiny pastel colored pin in reverence, and flashes him a smile.

“Are we ready to go?” Alec asks. He doesn’t want to break the moment, but they really need to move.

Magnus takes a step back and throws out a portal in front of them. “Let’s go kill some demons,” he says.

Alec grabs an aromantic-themed arrow from his quiver, smiling internally at the pun, and nocks it onto his bow string before stepping through the portal.

Alec does his best to pay attention to what Jia is telling him, but he’s not having the best time of it. He’s had a full glass of champagne already and it’s getting to his head a little, and the ambient noise isn’t helping his concentration — in fact, it’s loud enough that his head is pounding and he’s losing track of what’s going on.

And then, there’s Magnus. Alec keeps stealing concerned glances at him, standing across the room in conversation with an older Shadowhunter from the Prague Institute. It’s been at least ten minutes, and every time Alec looks, Magnus is wearing a new accessory.

Alec knows why Magnus elected for a plain look today, for their very first reception since they moved to Alicante. He wanted to avoid dragging attention to him, knowing that many people in attendance are doubtful toward the new High Warlock of Alicante. Tonight marks Alec’s official nomination as Inquisitor, and he wanted to spare Alec a scene.

Alec is starting to suspect that a scene may be unavoidable, and if the reason is what he suspects, then he will wholeheartedly defend Magnus. It started with earrings. Magnus went for a simple dark suit with almost no jewelry beside his wedding ring, but he’s now sporting a very shiny pair of diamond earrings. And a necklace. And a butterfly hair clip that probably costs more than a year of Alec’s now sizable salary.

And now, lipstick. Very obvious, bright red lipstick.

“I’m so sorry,” Alec turns back to Jia, “but I believe my husband needs my help.”

Even though she’s now his direct superior, he doesn’t wait to be dismissed and he strides through the room, his height and his new status meaning that everyone gets out of his way. Izzy catches his eyes briefly, and Alec signals at her to stand by.

By the time he’s made it to his husband’s side, Magnus’ hair has turned into a vibrant rendition of the nonbinary flag, and that’s not a good sign. Alec steps into his field of vision before putting a hand on his arm.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

“Peachy,” Magnus says through his teeth. “This gentleman right here was just telling me about a very strange sort of demon that possesses young Nephilim men and makes them pretend to be women in order to assault actual women.”

Alec blinks as he takes that in, as well as the poison in Magnus’ tone. He tightens his grip on Magnus’ arm, feeling the stares on them — Magnus’ new hair color is hard to miss.

“Really?” he asks innocently, tilting his head. “I’ve never heard of those demons. I should read up on them, so I can make sure every Institute is fully ready for an invasion. What did you say their classification was, Mr. Svec?”

The man gapes at him. “They’re...uh...I don’t…”

“That’s what I thought,” Alec says icily. “There’s no such thing. You’re Kara’s father, aren’t you?”

“That monster isn’t my son,” Svec spits out.

“No, you’re right. She’s not. She’s your daughter. And she’s absolutely thriving at the New York Institute, by the way. She’s the best fighter in her class. That’s what happens when people accept you for who you are.” Alec deliberately turns his back to the sputtering man and looks at Magnus. “Honey, it’s getting late, we should probably head home,” he says, purposefully speaking louder than he needs to. Magnus is trembling with rage, fighting to rein himself in. “Let me just tell Jia, okay?” he adds in a murmur, just for Magnus.

Magnus closes his eyes and nods. “Get me away from him,” he says.

Alec gently guides him over to Izzy, who immediately takes Magnus’ hand. “Let’s stay out of the crowd,” she says, nodding at Alec that she’ll take care of him.

Alec finds Jia with Aline by the buffet. “I can’t condone this kind of bigotry coming from the Head of an Institute,” he says through his teeth.

“I don’t think he’ll try that twice around you,” Aline chuckles, nodding toward Svec, who is now glaring at them from across the room, clearly ostracized. “He didn’t make any friends tonight.”

“What happened tonight isn’t enough to remove him, but as Inquisitor, you’ll be able to push for someone else to take his place when his contract is up in six months,” Jia says. “I understand your anger, Alec. But we can’t change people in a day.”

Alec remembers, not for the first time since she offered him the job of Inquisitor, that she’s not just the progressivist Consul that the most conservative Nephilim frown at, or the mother of one of his best friends. She’s also the person who once sentenced Clary to death without a second thought. If he wants change, he’ll have to bring it on himself.

He exchanges a look with Aline, thinking of the folder on his new desk, the proposal they might have a chance at getting through now that he’s the Inquisitor. Jia’s right, it won’t be done in a day. But it will happen. Alec will make it happen.

And if at some point in the meantime, he has the opportunity to get rid of a few bigots like Svec, he won’t turn his nose up at it.

“Magnus and I are going home,” he says. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Congratulations on the promotion again,” Jia nods. “I’ll expect you in my office at eight tomorrow.”

“Good night.” Alec has to unclench his fist to shake Jia’s hand, and he realizes just how angry he is. Aline clasps him on the shoulder with an understanding look.

He finds Magnus and Izzy at the door, ready to go. “Can you portal us home?” he asks Magnus as they step outside.

Magnus wordlessly opens a portal and steps through without checking that Alec is following him, a testimony of how unsettled he still is. Alec takes the time to hug Izzy before he goes through. “You were amazing,” she slips him, kissing him on the cheek.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he answers. “Thanks for your help.”

Alec comes behind Magnus and embraces him as soon as he’s out of the portal. Magnus took them straight to their bedroom, but he hasn’t moved since, standing there trembling in rage — or in something else.

“I love you,” Alec murmurs over and over in his ear. “All of you.”

After a minute, the shaking subsides, and Alec feels his own anger drain with it. It leaves him tired and out of sorts, his head still ringing with the noise of the reception. He loosens his hold on Magnus and takes one hand off of him to pull off his tie.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus murmurs. “I really wanted to avoid making a scene.”

Alec moves to face him. “Don’t ever apologize for something a bigot caused. It wasn’t you.”

“I tried to just ignore him, but—”

“He was awful,” Alec finishes. “I know.”

“I don’t know why I let him get to me so much,” Magnus sighs.

Alec guides them both to sit down on the bed.

“You love Kara,” he says. “He was saying horrible things.”

Magnus shakes his head. “I didn’t even know that was her father.”

Alec shrugs. “We all get triggered sometimes. He just pushed the wrong buttons.”

Magnus curls up and buries his hands in his still colored hair. “I usually have better control than that,” he says.

“I think I know what happened,” Alec sighs. “You were feeling insecure because you toned down your whole identity for me, in a place where you don’t feel safe. You were already on edge, and probably dysphoric, am I wrong?”

“No,” Magnus mutters. “I hate slacks.”

“Magnus, I don’t want you to change yourself for me, ever,” Alec says. He puts a hand on Magnus’ shoulder, to make sure that he’s really listening. Magnus looks up at him. “I don’t want you to make yourself smaller or more acceptable because you think it will be better for me.”

“I just—” Magnus sighs. “It was your day.”

“We’re not, ever, going to be normal. Not for the Downworld, and definitely not for the Clave. And I don’t want us to be, Magnus. I’ve spent enough time trying to make myself fit into a mold that didn’t fit me. I don’t ever want you to tone yourself done for them.”

“Okay,” Magnus murmurs, his voice fragile. Alec feels a strong pulse of anger at Svec course through him again, seeing Magnus so vulnerable. Magnus isn’t supposed to be vulnerable. Not about this.

Or maybe he’s more insecure about it than Alec realized.

Alec holds him for a while in silence, feeling Magnus’ need to recoup. “How did you know I was feeling dysphoric?” Magnus asks suddenly, after a few minutes.

“I’m starting to recognize it,” Alec shrugs. “Also, you might want to look at a mirror.”

Before he can realize it, Magnus is out of his embrace, staring at a hastily conjured hand mirror. “Fuck,” he mutters, showing Alec that his suspicion was right. Magnus didn’t realize the way his magic responded to his discomfort.

“Did I just come out to the entire Council because I was angry?”

“Uh,” Alec hesitates. “I doubt that many of them know what the colors mean. They’ll just put it down as one of your...eccentricities. Izzy might know, though.”

“That’s why she kept saying she loved me,” Magnus breathes out, running a hand through his colorful hair.

“Should I be jealous?” Alec raises an eyebrow.

“I don’t know, Alexander. I’ve been thinking of leaving you for Isabelle’s legendary cooking skills.”

Alec makes a face at him, then he reaches out and touches the tip of Magnus’ artfully styled hair where it’s dyed bright yellow. “I like this look on you,” he says. “I mean, I don’t like that you felt so threatened that your magic reacted this way, but I like to see you proud and loud. You’re beautiful.”

Magnus beams at him and relaxes back against Alec’s chest, holding up the mirror to look at the both of them, Alec straight-backed in his serious black suit and Magnus boneless against him, a flurry of colors. Alec wonders, often — especially on days like today — if they could make a more disparate couple, at least in the eyes of the world.

And yet the ways in which they fit together outweigh their differences, every day.

+1.

“I asked you here because I want to show you something,” Alec says when Magnus walks into his office on a Friday afternoon, holding his phone in his hand and looking confused.

Magnus stills at his seriousness. “Is something wrong?”

“No, not at all. The opposite, actually. But it’s important to me, and I thought you’d want to see it.”

Alec takes a thin blue folder from his desk and hands it over to Magnus, a small smile on his lips. Magnus opens it with a frown.

“What is this?” he asks.

“The ruling from the latest Council meeting,” Alec answers. “It came in just this afternoon.”

“The one they asked you to testify in?”

Alec confirms with a nod. He didn’t tell Magnus exactly why he needed to talk at the Council assembly, but it’s a common enough occurrence that Magnus didn’t think much of it. To Alec, though, it was a moment he’s waited for for a long time.

He watches Magnus skim the first lines of the ruling, his eyebrows shooting up. “Is that what I think it is?” Magnus asks, glancing up at him.

Alec’s fingers find his wedding ring and start spinning it. “Depends what you’re thinking,” he shrugs, trying to look unconcerned. He probably shouldn’t be anxious about Magnus’ reaction, but he is. “It’s the first part of a set of amendments to Clave law that I’ve been pushing for since before I was named Inquisitor. Aline and I presented them to the Council last month, and they’ve just been voted.”

“You and Aline,” Magnus says pensively. “‘Amendments concerning the inclusion of members of the LGBTQUIA+ community,’” he reads out loud. “You did this?”

“Full marriage equality regardless of gender, including for mixed-species couples,” Alec recites. “Automatic acceptance of name and gender change requests if related to transition. Recognition of the existence of genders outside the binary.”

Magnus gasps in surprise. Alec nods to confirm the truth of it. It’s one of the things the Council fought back the most on, and he pushed hard to get it to pass. It goes beyond even mundane progress in every country he’s looked up, but it was too important to let go.

“Anti-discrimination policies,” he continues. “And this one might affect us directly someday: equal rights to adoption and the use of surrogates.”

Magnus’ eyes light up briefly, though he doesn’t immediately comment. Alec wrings his hands and rambles on nervously. “We didn’t manage to get the legalization of polyamorous marriages, but we’ll keep working on it. We’re preparing a second proposal on Downworlder inclusion, but that one will probably make amendments to the Accords necessary, and that will take a lot more time.”

“Alexander,” Magnus says in a low voice. Alec almost keeps going, too nervous to stop, but there’s something almost dangerous in Magnus’ gaze.

“Yes?”

“You did all this?”

“Not on my own,” Alec shakes his head. “Aline wrote up most of the proposal, and we got as many queer Shadowhunters to come testify as possible. There aren’t a lot of trans Nephilim who are out, but it was important, especially since most of the people on the Council have little knowledge of these issues. Aline being Jia’s daughter probably helped a lot, and our wedding made a lot of noise around here.”

“No,” Magnus catches his wrist. “You did all this and you didn’t tell me anything? Not once?”

Alec deflates. “I, uh… I wasn’t sure it would go anywhere at first, and I know Clave politics can be a touchy subject for you. And then when we finally got the hearing, I kind of wanted to keep it a surprise? I didn’t want you to be disappointed if it didn’t work.”

He doesn’t understand Magnus’ reaction, or rather his lack of reaction. He��s been absurdly happy ever since Aline came by his office earlier this afternoon to bring him the ruling, and he thought Magnus would share his mood once he found out. But he seems pensive instead, like this doesn’t interest him all that much.

“What about you, Alexander?” he asks. “What if it hadn’t worked?”

“We would have kept trying,” Alec shrugs. “Like the last four times we submitted the proposal.”

Magnus blinks. “Four times?”

“The first time, it didn’t even make it past Jia’s office. She’s supportive, but it was shortly after she was elected, and she couldn’t afford the waves it would make when there were still so many Circle supporters around.” Alec consciously stops himself from talking and stills his hands, clasping them behind his back. “Magnus—”

“Yes?” Magnus prompts him.

“Are you angry I didn’t tell you?”

Magnus’ eyes widen in surprise. “No, Alexander, of course not. I’m just—overwhelmed, I suppose. I’m sorry I made you think that.”

“Then what is it? I thought you’d like it.”

Magnus looks away, biting his lip. “I do,” he says. “I—what you’ve accomplished is incredible. It’s going to change—everything—for some people, and that’s amazing. And I know that you didn’t do it for me, but—”

“You’ll be able to get the gender mentioned on your Idris ID changed or removed,” Alec finishes for him. “And anything else you want. I did do it for you, Magnus. Not just you, but for you, too.”

“I’m not a Shadowhunter,” Magnus says.

“You live here, now. This will apply to every Downworlder in Idris, too.”

Magnus works his jaw. “I’m having a hard time processing it,” he admits. “It’s been so long that—to be able to have my whole identity recognized, in Idris of all places—it’s almost impossible to believe.”

Alec’s tension relaxes almost on its own. “You can take your time,” he smiles. “It will still be here tomorrow, and the day after. Are you...mad that I didn’t include you in the process?”

“Why didn’t you?” Magnus frowns.

“I figured you had other things on your mind, with all the work you’re doing to get more Downworlders to move here. And it felt like...like something we should achieve on our own, somehow? I don’t know if that makes sense. Aline and I discussed asking you for advice several times, but we felt like it should be our project.”

“It does make sense,” Magnus nods. “This isn’t just about changing the law. You’re trying to change the culture, your culture, and I’ll never be a part of that. I understand.”

“I don’t want you to feel excluded,” Alec says immediately.

“I don’t. I’m amazed at what you’ve achieved. And if the next step is a rewrite of the Accords, then I’ll back you every step of the way, and push for those changes in the Downworld communities too.” He reaches out to stroke Alec’s cheek tenderly. “I love you, Alexander. You still surprise me every day, and I love you so much for it.”

Alec feels his heart speed up at the declaration, a wave of warmth and love coursing through him, reaching for Magnus. He opens his arms, and Magnus comes to nestle his face in Alec’s neck, hugging him tightly. “I love you too,” Alec says. “It would mean everything to me if we can take this next step in tandem. Change the world together.”

Magnus moves to beam up at him. “You’re incredible, Alexander. You know that?”

“You keep telling me,” Alec smiles, leaning in to kiss him.

As they pull apart again, he can’t help admiring the way the light hits Magnus’ face just right, highlighting the golden sparkles in his blue eyeshadow. Magnus has made it a point to wear warlock blue everyday since they moved to Alicante, but today it’s subdued, down to just his makeup and a discreet sapphire bracelet. He tilts his head, and the light makes his eyes glow.

“When you said the amendment about adoption could affect us, did you mean it?” he asks.

Alec bites his lip. “I know we’ve only talked about children in a very abstract way, but—is that something you’d want?” he asks in a smaller voice than he’d like.

“I’ve never truly wanted it before I met you, but yes, I think I would,” Magnus answers, looking a little awestruck by his own realization.

“It’s not something we need to commit to right now,” Alec reassures him. “But now, if we want to, the Clave will fully recognize any child we adopt as ours, and as a legal resident of Idris.”

“All thanks to you,” Magnus murmurs, tears in his eyes. “Yes, Alexander, I want children with you.”

“Then we’ll start thinking about that,” Alec says with a wide smile. “For now, let’s go home and celebrate properly.”

Magnus laughs wetly and twists his hand to make a portal. “After you,” he says.

Alec grabs his hand and pulls them through together.

#shadowhunters #malec #malec fic #alec lightwood #magnus bane #shadowhunters fic #mine #echo's fanfiction #map out a world #autistic alec lightwood #asexual alec lightwood #nonbinary magnus bane #malec discord server #hmdiscord

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fictionalrambles · 4 years

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Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Seven

Submitted by @lecrit

Five Favourite Stories

The Haunting of Lightwood Hall by @bonibaru

Why I love this fic:

The plot is simply spectacular and the writing beautiful. I love murder mysteries and this one had me on the edge of my seat. I read it on the plane and didn’t see the trip go because of how engrossed I was in this story. Jace was a great side character and his relationship with Aline (plus their moment of closure) was one of the gems of this fic. Then of course, Magnus and Alec were amazing (their characterization is on point) and their relationship evolved beautifully. All in all, it instantly became one of my favorite malec fics ever the moment I finished it.

Favorite scene:

I could pick many more because of how I adore this fic, but the first scene of the first chapter is probably my favorite. I was hooked from the get-go, intrigued by Magnus’ late night wandering as much as Alec was and I felt curious alongside Magnus about Alec’s stiff yet oddly amiable demeanor. I just loved that scene, and I immediately knew I was in for a treat.

Favorite quote(s):

But Magnus found himself seriously considering an attempt to court the handsome – and hopefully not murderous - Lord Lightwood.

It was strange that such a small point of contact could carry with it such keen awareness of another person.

“Men and women love to tell themselves elaborate stories about why they can’t take on love. They will go on for hours and hours bemoaning their circumstances, their fate, even chalking it up to phases of the moon. But the truth is very simple. Either you are willing to hurl yourself, body and soul, into love - or you aren’t. If you don’t take this chance with Lord Alexander, you will be throwing away what could have been the greatest love of your life.”

The Way It Should Be by j__writes

Why I love this fic:

It’s so genuine and heart-wrenching and utterly beautiful I’d fail to fully put in words who deeply I love it. The depth with which the emotions are portrayed, Alec’s struggle to come to term with his true feelings, Magnus’ heartbreaking denial over his own situation. It’s raw and visceral, but so beautiful and deeply human. Overall, it’s just realistic and relatable, and that’s the kind of thrilling experience I love to have as a reader. This fic is a gift to all of us, as is its author.

Favorite scene:

In chapter 4, the scene where Alec takes care of Magnus when he arrives with a swollen lip and Magnus opens up about Camille’s abuse. It destroyed my heart in the best possible way.

Favorite quote(s):

A shuffle of paper, the creaking sound of aged leather, the click of Magnus’ heeled boots, the hammering of his heart against his ribs, the gentle turn of the golden knob, the air rushing out of his lungs, the sound of rusting hinges squeaking, and then…Magnus.

“Magnus looks at you the same way.”

He hated himself enough for allowing his feelings to get this far. He never wanted this. If it had been up to him, he would have made his heart stay in love with Raj. Raj had been good to him and they’d built a good life together. It made no sense for his heart to betray him like this. To fall out of love with a perfectly good man and fall in love with someone else who was wholly unavailable to him.

Salem by @la-muerta

Why I love this fic:

It’s safe to say at this point that la_muerta is one of my favorite writers in the fandom. I had a hard time picking one fic, but Salem just holds a special place in my heart. I am deeply admirative of writers who manage to make world-building so effortless and this one just hit the spot for me. This is a thrilling read from start to finish and the combo of fantasy, horror and romance was so perfect I couldn’t put it down until I was done reading. Also one of the best dramatic climax I’ve ever read, fanfic or otherwise.

Favorite scene:

The scene in the tunnels where Magnus chases the spirits away and helps them find peace. I love that it’s from Alec’s POV, because we can feel his shock and awe at the display of Magnus’ power, especially because it seems so effortless for Magnus. I don’t know why it’s this one in particular, but I just deeply love this scene.

Favorite quote(s):

"So this is all we can do? Babysit the Mayor's son?" Ragnor asked Magnus in an undertone.

"I don't think we're babysitting him, Ragnor. I think he's babysitting us," Magnus said wryly.

Alec came downstairs to find his family ready for war.

And the Book fed on the love and the memories, and bided its time.

Three to make a pair by @like-a-bucky

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14360721/

Why I love this fic:

I love classic fanfiction tropes as much as the next person, but I love them even more with a twist, and this is one of the best Fake Dating AUs with a twist fics I’ve ever read. I love strong friendship dynamics and the one between Magnus and Jace was as unexpected as it was delightful. I also love that Alec being a soldier isn’t idealized (which is a problem I often have with works of fiction where a character is in the military in some way); his torments and trauma are raw and realistic and it adds infinite depth to the kindness of his character. Magnus is just as greatly written, and he broke and healed my heart several times throughout the fic.

Favorite scene:

It has to be the scene where Jace and Magnus tell Alec they’re not actually dating.

Favorite quote(s):

"But I... I don't share, Magnus."

"Jace," Alec cut him off, a bit more gently this time, "Please, get out. We'll talk about this later. You made your point, you're not dating and right now, that's all that matters. Because if he allows me to, I'm going to kiss Magnus senseless and I'd prefer that you weren't here to see it."

Thinking of you, on the bottle of milk. I love you, creased and hidden inside a random pair of socks. Don't eat all the ice-cream, inside the freezer, and Magnus had chuckled while reading it - he'd almost choked on his laughter the following month though, when he'd found out the I told you not to stuck to the last tub of ice-cream.

Blankets, jam & other metaphors for love by Oumy

Why I love this fic:

I never left my home and yet I was right there in Tuscany the whole time. That’s an amazing thing to achieve through writing. This fic is just a slightly angsty but exquisitely warm blanket wrapping around your shoulders and guiding you to a journey of slow build, character growth and one of my personal weaknesses, found family. Magnus’ struggle and grief are just beautifully portrayed, and I don’t have enough words to praise how much I adored the Lightwood-Garroway family in this. They have my heart and I don’t want it back.

Favorite scene:

It is hands down the stargazing scene in chapter 4. The tension woven through something as simple as holding hands was breathtaking. It was just… chills. Literal chills.

Favorite quote(s):

For the first time, he didn’t feel like part of the chaos of it, but rather a spectator on the outside looking in, drifting on the edges as his feelings churned, ebbed and flowed and hit him again and again with the certainty that he’d been wrong. It wasn’t that Alec didn’t have anything inside; it was that he had too much.

He listened to the sounds of the bustling morning, the world moving forward, unbothered by the crippling sadness he felt, and he braced himself and counted to ten.

All he knew is that there were words to be said, and that Alec was wholly unequipped to say them.

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfiction blog

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prettygraceful · 4 years

Text

s2b pseudo progressivism pt. 3

ok, so given how much of an issue alec has had with being lied to, the narrative should’ve allowed him to be understanding of how betrayed magnus felt in 2b. alec has been in this situation and he didn’t take kindly to the “didn’t want to put you in a difficult spot” excuse he was given before by clace/ his parents, anymore than magnus did here. yet the show’s narrative framed alec’s anger as reasonable, as opposed to magnus’ anger being dismissed including shushing.

and this fandom was not understanding of magnus feeling disrespected- as they’d been for alec before this in s1 and after this in 3a. since mostly everyone can agree that clace’s dishonesty was wrong in both those half seasons, then why couldn’t the fandom agree that alec had made a mistake here, instead of defending his choice. in the end, yes, he apologized a couple times, but given that every character was written to be on alec’s side/ sympathetic with him- magnus’ supposed downworld “friends” included- while criticizing magnus to his face and behind his back, it sure seemed like the writers were making alec apologize only cuz magnus was mad, and not cuz he was actually in the wrong.

and in regards to alec having a forgiving reaction which he was put in a similar spot of “you’re being lied to for your own good” in 3x07... due to her choice to behave like naive newbie s1 clary (which she no longer was in the least) and just follow jace’s directions as though she has no brain of her own, the 2 guys that matter the most to alec suffered tremendously throughout literally all of s3 (jace especially in 3a and magnus in 3b). so let’s be real- alec’s forgiveness was not “sweet” or “character development” (being a doormat never is), but instead a very unrealistic response, contrived just for the sake of a big cringe moment™.

and the difference in these 2 arcs really displayed the showrunners' racism- the white woman makes bad choices and in return gets... a hug. and everyone scrambling about trying to protect her. and then she is narratively rewarded with the power to bestow the gift of life, which saved her from punishment from the clave. but when the asian man made a “bad” choice in 2b, he needs to have “consequences”- as todd literally said in an interview. and after being scorned and narratively ostracized in 2b, he also lost his HWOB title in 3a... and thus real life privilege is projected onto our characters. and that is so uncomfortable.

in conclusion, it’s necessary to mention that during his interviews at the summer 2017 comic con, matt mocked magnus’ anger/ how it was expressed in the scene with luke. but given how adamantly he’s defended alec’s response in s1 and 3a, this was rather hypocritical. and during the intro panel he said “you can insult us, but if you insult our characters- what are you doing?”... but then matt proceeded to take jabs at magnus for the rest of the day. of course, the fandom chose to ignore that, and instead repeated his “unending happiness” quote, to a point where it almost felt like that was coverup propaganda lol. i mean, tbh i’d like to see matt express a little more support for magnus the individual and not only malec the couple, as harry has done on occasion with alec the individual.

(plz don’t be offended on his behalf lol. matt is a great guy, and i love him a lot, but that doesn’t make his POV the gospel. his hot takes have always been unashamedly from only alec’s POV, instead of being in any way objective. and it’s probably cuz he projects onto alec, cuz he seems to have more in common with him than say harry has with magnus. therefore harry can separate himself from his character more easily, and be more impartial to the show as a whole).

and matt also said that a guy wouldn’t go home and tell his gf or wife about business (why didn’t he say boyfriend since he was alluding to magnus? cringy choice). anyway, this shows he was taken in by the narrative manipulation, just like much of this fandom. the fact is: alec shouldn’t have told magnus about the sword cuz he’s his boyfriend (or cuz of the 2x15 events)- alec should have told magnus cuz he’s the HWOB (and should’ve been treated as such).

ok, that’s it on the topic of s2b being an example of pseudo progressivism at it’s finest. sorry that this part’s kind of long, but it’s important. as always, thanks for reading. hopefully some people are glad to see these thoughts finally in words :)

#shadowhuntersedit #malecedit #magnusbaneedit #aleclightwoodedit #meta #tagged to reach a larger audience #positive feedback is always appreciated :)

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kinkymagnus · 5 years

Note

hmm let's talk more about twi Malec, like there's just so many endless possibilities

any specifics? no? just kidding, you can’t respond, this is an ask! okay, i’m just gonna throw some random twi malec shit out here then

twi magnus…..hes soft. but also. i feel like since he’s got more Repression™ than canon magnus he’s like WAY WILDER.

canon magnus a few months into them boning: hey alexander wanna tie me up? ;)

twi magnus a few months into them boning: hey so i have potion that will give you magical tentacles to tie me up and fuck me with?

(obviously this isn’t just out of nowhere or anything but im saying while they’re both kinky twi magnus is surprisingly a little more shameless when it comes to sex things.)

twi alec. is HORNY. so horny. canon alec? pretty horny. twi alec? MAXIMUM HORNY. good thing, too, because twi magnus hasn’t been fucked in a few centuries and that has BUILT UP.

they bone a LOT

also imagine: twi alec and shitty one-liners/pick-up lines and bad jokes

twi alec says, completely deadpan, “want me to take you to the Bone Zone?” and twi magnus first is like “i am, frankly, horrified and disgusted” but can’t stop himself from laughing (especially once alec is laughing at the cute little face he makes with the scrunchy nose, and it’s so contagious magnus can’t help but laugh too)

i have a line in one of my twi fics where magnus basically says something like (jokingly/playfully!) “you’re pretty full of yourself, huh?” and alec responds “how you’d like to be full of me, too?” and magnus giggles and it’s ADORABLE AND THAT LINE IS JUST SO FUCKING TWI MALEC TO ME OKAY?

also twi magnus is not innocent of pun crimes. no magnus is innocent of pun crimes.

twi magnus: [makes a cute bad pun] [wiggles eyebrow a bit]

twi alec: that was terrible. that was a real stinker. what the fuck.

twi magnus, every goddamn time: gonna PUNish me? ;D

twi alec can and will cook breakfast in bed for his boyfriend

magnus, sleepily blinking: hng?

alec, with pancakes and eggs and bacon and freshly squeezed orange juice: hey babe :) decided to surprise you :) it’s “i love my boyfriend” day

magnus, still half asleep: ufck did iforget something i dont have anytihnf oryoutgfckkk

alec: oh no babe “i love my boyfriend” day is every day because i always lvoe you and i just decided to do something nice for you :)

magnus: did the dream about wearing acid washed jeans keep you up again?

alec, shuddering: they’re so ugly

okay but seriously he’d totally just be sappy and make magnus breakfast and stuff

and magnus is like “i can make u a sweet dreams potion?”

MAGIC REVEAL does not get TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH. STILL.

possibility one: alec walks in on magnus making a bunch of chores do themselves fantasia style and is like. uh. what the FUCK. and all the dishes drop to the floor and magnus honestly looks so SCARED that alec’s heart breaks a little even tho he’s also trying to process how confused he is and magnus stutters out something about not being a monster and may or not may not be descending into a panic attack because he’d been so careful for so long not to reveal the truth to ANYONE, only like three people know who and what he is that he actually talks to in the world and a mundane finding out is not good much less his wonderful boyfriend who’ll LEAVE HIM and HATE HIM and he’s–he’s–and alec’s like. oh fuck that. and hugs him like hey it’s okay i’m really confused and i hope you explain later but you could literally never be a monster, especially not for floating some dishes,

possibility two: magnus, scared shitless, tells him, but alec always knew. i love this shit. alec’s just like “babe. babe you weren’t subtle.” because magnus has got a lot of really powerful magic and he’s only jst learning to control it again and it’s waking up, like having a foot that’s been asleep for a long time waking up except if the foot changed the color of the wallpaper when it sneezed and glowed when it was happy. this metaphor broke down. you get the idea.

there are more possibilities but im tired

ok but when magnus’s magic is revealed. magnus is like. 1. ecstatic to give alec lots of little magical gifts like a little enchanted pendant with protective charms and a magic candy (like a chocolate frog, just a fun little thing that would make him laugh) and the sweet dreams potion and so on. 2. kind of expecting like. he’s more than willing to give, but he kind of lowkey expects alec to like. expect it. to expect magical solutions to his problems. magnus can do the dishes with a wave of his hand, he kind of expects to do the dishes every time now that alec knows he can do that. but alec’s like “what are you doing” “…magic? we’ve gone over this” “yeah but it’s my turn” and magnus is like “i can just do it with a wave of my hand” and alec’s like “you think i dont notice how you collapse in my arms for cuddling and end up dozing off every time? it takes energy. and even if it didn’t we still share the workload even if you can do something easier you don’t have to do everything for me” and magnus is lik,,e,,e,,e,e??? oh.

like alec appreciates him and is so loving and wonderful and thankful for things magnus does give him but he doesn’t let magnus indulge in the tendency to put everyone else first and take on all the work? he doesn’t take magnus’s magic for granted?

it’s great

nsfw detour!!!

twi magnus gets RAWED

u kno how i said that twi magnus is horny and wild? and also lonely and has not had a good hard fuck in possibly over a century?

magnus has an extensive toy collection.

many, many dildos and vibrators. nipple clamps, magic toys that can fuck him or tie him up… and it’s like all different sizes, types, materials, uses… some costumes and stuff that he bought for himself because they make him feel good/pretty but he doesn’t wear that often because it feels shameful or weird to do by himself.

alec definitely teases him senseless. ties him up and presses the vibrator to his clit until he’s crying, rolling it around and applying pressure and then taking it away again, stimulating his whole clit without mercy

or those. i dont know what they’re called, they suck (literally, not as in “this is bad/this sucks”) and make ur clit/nipples get swollen and sensitive? yes.

fuck his pussy AND ass with various dildos and toys of different sizes and shapes :))

sometimes at the same time :)))))

y’all alec recording him or taking pictures. making him feel so deliciously exposed and watched. amazing and iconic

also: public sex. twi malec can have fun too

it’s not right away, i feel like twi magnus would be more into things like overstimulation and getting recorded than being fucked in front of people. he still loves the latter, don’t get me wrong, but it’s more canon magnus’s thing? he’s more used to like… showing off ;)

but when magnus does feel confident enough to try that (baby steps–alec groping/teasing him in public, maybe fooling around in a vip booth at pandemonium or its equivalent, until he’s ready to be fucked properly and god once he is, once he lets go, it’s so amazing

he’s used to hiding, hiding under layers both literal and metaphorical, and here he is totally exposed and vulnerable but 1. he’s being taken care of and he’s safe and alec is just making him feel so good, kind of like, forcing himself to express how good he feels and not hide it, making him scream and cry and beg and love it, 2. he’s just? being admired? worshiped? there is nothing demeaning about this, it couldn’t be further from it, he’s exposed and people are fucking basking in it. he looks beautiful, he looks goddamn stunning, he looks fucking amazing and everyone wants to watch and touch and alec’s there holding him and loving him,,, aAAHHh

twi alec becomes immortal, no one can change my mind.

twi magnus: i love you but……i’m…i’m immortal

twi alec: oh. that…. ok.twi magnus, sad: it’s okay… i understand if you want to l–twi alec: become immortal to be with you? oh good i know it’s kind of a dedication considering i haven’t even proposed to you yet–twi magnus: yet? wait-

obviously twi alec doesn’t just completely jump into this with no consideration but look. look. he loves magnus so much, and anyway, it’s not like immortality doesn’t hold any appeal for him anyway. yeah, he knows it’s harder than it sounds, but like, there’s so much potential in things he could learn and do and see, and he could do it all WITH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. he could NOT leave him behind when he’s been left so many times before. he has hesitations, but like, in the end he chooses immortality and he doesn’t ever regret it

it’s like that stardust quote. “ I imagine [immortality] would be kind of lonely. Well, maybe if you had someone to share it with. Someone you loved. Then it might be different.” LDKJFLKGJHG YEAH BITCH THAT’S MALEC

also angst: magnus is like. at first. actually against the idea. and alec’s kinda like. hurt/confused/upset. and then magnus explains that if alec’s mortal, magnus will lose him to death–maybe sooner if alec leaves him, but it’s like a letting go thing, it’s inevitable. but if he’s immortal? all of magnus’s immortal lovers… they get tired of him. they get bored. they get annoyed. they stay with him, maybe they’re even in love, for a few years, or if he’s lucky, decades. but eventually they always leave. they drift apart first, they might suggest seeing other people. but they always leave. if alec’s mortal, his leaving is inevitable even tho it will break magnus’s heart. if he’s immortal, then it will inevitably be a choice, and it will shatter him all the more.

of course, magnus wouldn’t stop him even if he was very staunchly against it, it’s alec’s life, but like. he’s worried.

and worse, it’s not just that, but like. once alec grows tired of him, because he will, everyone does, once alec decides he made the wrong choice… he can’t take it back. if it’s soon enough, all his friends and family will be old, and he’ll be forever young, even if he is able to become mortal again it won’t be the same. and if it’s later, they’ll all be dead. magnus doesn’t doubt his ability to make new friends, of course, but the idea of alec regretting his choice, leaving him and being alone or feeling alone, of alec being out in the world lasting forever because of him, cursed with that same lonely immortality magnus has? that thought hurts more than anything, causing alec his type of pain.

so alec is like. no. NO. what the fuck i’m not. i’m not going to grow SICK of you, i’d never be tired of you, or–bored? REALLY? of you? what the fuck. your past lovers suck.

to be clear not every single one of magnus’s exes suck, but they all did leave him in some shape way or form, or else they wouldn’t be exes. you feel. i mean, he’s still friends with dot but it’s been centuries and we dont know what happened between then and now? idk man let me have that angst ok

eventually alec can convince magnus that he’s not leaving and he loves magnus and it’s okay but that little doubt niggles at the back of his head you know?

on their hundred year anniversary alec kisses him senseless and says “still not bored of you”

same with every other anniversary, but especially the big century ones

they don’t ever break up. they have fights, some worse than others, it’s not perfect, but they always find their way back to each other and communicate and mend their wounds

twi malec cuddling during thunderstorms, thank you.

magnus curled in alec’s arms, face buried in his shoulder

alec’s arms around him

yes

ok but look. twi alec being social media savvy.

(note: i have never used instagram and i am MAKING SHIT UP.)

alec with an instagram. he’s out here taking pictures of his sweet adorable boyfriend. he’s got a decent number of followers but it goes up a LOT when he starts dating magnus because holy shit who’s this cutie? and then someone finds those god-awful cringey commercials that i still insist magnus made on a dare he lost PLEASE he’s a dork but REALLY?, and they’re like WAIT THIS IS THAT PSYCHIC GUY FROM THE MEME COMMERCIAL WOW HE’S DORKY CUTE AND HOT? and magnus is like (hides face) oh my god

why does this make me think of a twi malec youtuber au–no no no NOT RIGHT NOW

#trans magnus smut #twi malec #twi

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bidnezz · 4 years

Note

i just legit got into shadowhunters (a couple of years late lmao), who are some of your fave sh tumblrs to follow?

I feel you 100%, I wish I had known of shadowhunters waaaayyy sooner, but there’s still a really active community and I’m very thankful for that!!

I spent a lot of time at work thinking about this (clearly working hard, don’t tell my boss), and honestly, I’m probably not the best person to answer this, hahaha... I’m still pretty new as well (and relatively new to tumblr), and I’m still finding new people to follow all the time! It also probably doesn’t help that I’m more than a little biased, because if someone puts out a lot of Alec/Malec focused content I’m more likely to follow, LOL

That being said:

lightwormsiblings puts out a lot of great content, imo, they’re probably the one I end up reblogging the most!

izzymalec creates a lot of really beautiful gifsets, and i’m almost always reblogging too

archeryandeyeliner also creates a lot of amazing gifsets and is also a fantastic author and a great place to go if you’re interested in reading amazing drabbles!

sharona1x2 creates a lot of really great gifsets too!

lightwoodsdaily also has a lot of great content! so many gifsets from everyone, that’s basically all I follow LOL

incorrect-malec posts a lot of hilarious incorrect quotes that I always find myself re-reading and cracking up on

chibi-tsukiko is someone i reblog often and they also put out a lot of adorable art, although there’s a good amount of content that is from the books which I haven’t gotten a chance to read yet

eternallysilvermagnusandalec also puts out a lot of really great stuff too!

There’s so many more I wanna put but this is already so long! Also, if anyone has anyone they wanna add to this, please do! I’m always looking to follow more tumblrs as well!!

#ask #answered #tumblr recs #tysm for the ask!#this was both stressful and fun but i love it!#i also love every tumblr and i literally just wanna link everyone #because everyone deserves it!!!#ahhhhh!!!#anon #but smol brain

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theasiantvshipper-blog · 5 years

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Tough Week for TV (April 14-20)

It seems that this week wasn’t a good week for TV, whether they were closing the season (or series) or just premiering, it seems the viewers are left with their jaws to the floor, eye welling up with tears or worst, totally paralyzed from what seems to be the toughest week on TV.

I know that Easter week is supposed to be a week where we all take the time to reflect on our lives and repent for our sins and celebrate rebirth, but these shows seem to take that notion to heart too much- this week was full of angst, unnecessary gut-wrenching drama, not too mention heart-wrenching often times lazy writing. But I do love me some good drama. This is a quick recap of what happened this week:

Game of Thrones- yes! the much awaited return of this show surely lived up to his hype- except- it was a slow burn. What should have been an epic pilot turned out to be as uneventful as any pilot would be. Im not blaming them though, this is how good writing is done except maybe they should have dialled down on the hype for the show so people aren’t expecting big “wow” moments on the get-go. Overall, I liked this episode with a few “wtf was that” moments here and there.

Shadowhunters- now I am a Shadowhunters fan so there maybe bias with this review but let me tell you this- this episode was full of angst that we didn’t need towards the end of the season. This wasn’t a good episode in that its was too much angst. Heck, there’s been so much angst since it’s 16th episode and at this point, I’m like, are y’all even for real? Not even a redeeming moment? Like I said, I love me some good drama, but you should know when too much is too much. Needless to say this episode delivered one of it’s best, albeit its lowest blow to one of the most beloved ships (in the entire fandom and probably on TV). That Malec breakup was so well written and well-acted that it almost feels like it’s happening in real time, to someone, somewhere in the world. Credits to the writer of this episode for knowing how to write a breakup scene that spoke only of half-truths. it was beautiful, painstaking, agonizing that you can’t help but just cry and understand what it feels like to be on the other end of that breakup. Let’s hope next episode won’t be as deliriously devastating as this one because let’s be real here- how much more angst can you really take before you say “ENOUGH.” And God help them if they decide to do a “bury the gays trope” in this show. They will feel the wrath of a fandom like no other. (I have a more detailed review of this episode in another post).

Roswell NM- From one ship to another (no pun intended). Another fan favorite ship had its fair share of angst this episode and boy, let me tell you. If I was in tears with #Malec from Shadowhunters, I was basically gouging my eyes out by the time #Malex broke up. These writers just really enjoy tormenting us. Although the glimmer of hope for these characters to get back together is much more certain (read between the lines people), it still doesn’t help with the pain that scene has caused us. And it caused us a great deal for shippers of this show.

The Magicians- I had a bit of rest from all the angst for a day before realizing that Magicians will deliver the final blow to this week’s angst fest. In what seemed to be its best season finale yet, they decided to say goodbye to one of the show’s A Characters and one of the most beloved of the entire lot. And I will quote one of the characters of the show: “I don’t know what to say, no words are ever going to...”- Alice. And boy, was I left speechless when this happened. I knew that it was coming but I never thought it would happen like that. They call it poetic ending, I call it lazy writing. Granted that the actor wanted out, they could have had a better way for him to exit. But that bonfire scene with the acoustic, stripped down version of “Take on Me” will hit you right in the feels. One thing I loved about this show is the depth to which the characters and actors are able to deliver and by the time the bonfire scene was out, I was just staring at my TV, waiting for the tears to stop rolling down my eyes and it didn’t. He was that effective as a character. Quentin’s journey on the show was something a lot of people can relate to that’s why he was loved so much by many people alike- his Bisexuality and his affection for Eliot (another bisexual in the show) was never fully explored. But you will feel the love they have for each other this season and most especially this season finale episode when both of them realized that they loved each other so much but it was too late for the both of them. So again, it’s 2019 people, let’s stop burying the gays please.

Grey’s Anatomy- by the time I was watching this episode, I’ve already had enough angst on my body that I couldn’t care less. Until that Schmico scene- and boy, did that hurt. Not in a good way, but in a really really bad, nasty, disgusting way. What the writers did and the showrunner did to these two characters is beneath me. I can’t. Is there hope of saving this ship? I don’t know but this ship has definitely sailed.

And that’s it for this week’s angst fest, come back next week as I try not to kill myself (or the writers of the shows) if they continue with the angst for all the shows. Y’all are tripping if you think you need to have angst to keep the drama alive. Not everyone needs that shit and not everyone got time for that! Kapeesh!

#shadowhunters #sh spoilers #malec #the magicians #greys anatomy #roswell new mexico #game of thrones

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asmodeusmorelikeassmodeus · 5 years

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Shadowhunters 3x11 Commentary

I really do enjoy seeing them in the field

That’s a really cool fight sequence but also…axes?? They must be so unhandy

Oh THERE’S his sword

This whole series is so dark I’d actually think it was a black screen if there weren’t noises

Why did it take them so long to go after him??? This is ridiculous

Jace feeling guilty for something and being (self-)destructive in the process this is a completely new thing we’ve never seen before

Okay say what you want but this montage of them grieving clary with THAT song in the background actually almost made me cry, it’s so emotional and so well-done by everyone involved

yOu mEaN sHe’S nOt dEaD????? Colour me shocked

ADORE Luke Baines as Jonathan

And also I actually feel really bad for him, I mean…he was brought up by Valentine, sent away by his father to literal hell, was tortured by Lilith when he was just a little boy. It’s only natural that he has no idea what family, love or anything means. He’s basically a boy in the body of a grown man who’s never had someone genuinely love him without using him for their own profit. And yeah, he did a lot of messed up sh*t but…can you blame him?? Nobody ever taught him about morals or whatever. I mean…he definitely has to be stopped but pushing him away and showing him that everyone thinks he’s a monster probably isn’t the way to go.

Okay now, Clary running away is just plain STUPID. I mean…she doesn’t even know where exactly she is, just somewhere in Siberia which is…not exactly a town. And of course Lilith wouldn’t send them near the next bigger city in the country, she’ll have them land somewhere in the middle of nowhere. So all Clary is achieving here is getting frostbite and probably dying. She is not that stupid. Stop writing her like that for dramatic purposes.

Everyone shut up my boys are back.

Magnus not knowing how to put on eyeliner manually is just bullsh*t. I bet he sometimes did his hair and makeup by hand, just like he sometimes takes a shower instead of using magic.

I am L I V I N G for domestic malec. Alec back at it again with casually dropping wedding vows, leaning down to get his well-deserved cheek kiss, babysitting Madzie. I LOVE IT

Couldn’t you have given us at least 20 seconds of Cat-Magnus one-on-one?? Please??? I bet with you, they actually filmed one but cut it out bc it looks like Cat’s about to say something.

Someone give Simon a tight, long hug please

Annnnnd round one of people shaming Maia for needing time away after suddenly seeing her abuser again!!!!!

Wow, Clary’s hair and eye makeup look pretty amazing for running around in the cold for who knows how long!!

The Clave??? Torture??? Breaking the Accords??? Unheard of!!

Okay I actually like the sibling scene between Jace and Izzy but did you HAVE to throw that comment about not having someone she loves as much as he loves Clary?? Like…that’s wrong on so many levels. a) Izzys storylines are ALWAYS linked to boys. Can you NOT??? b) platonic love is just as important as romantic love, if not more. Izzy clearly loves Clary and I’ve seen more sincere, loving scenes between those two than between Cl*ce. So stop.

Now THAT’s an “I’m gonna marry this man” look right here. And also, Alec reading to Madzie? Too cute.

I LOVE bantering boyfriends!!! And also Alec’s face practically spells out “oh, how WE get, huh?”

And once again people keep us from having our cute scenes of Malec cuddling

Man do I HATE Iris

This looks like they filmed it in a ski resort. Like. No snowy mountain has such a wide field of suddenly tree-less ground with perfectly arranged snow.

I mean, I already guessed that Magnus’ wards would have stopped working but…in THIS time nobody thinks of putting new wards around Magnus’ apartment (like…Catarina??) AND the institute which is also unprotected at the moment??? I mean…I hope they at least had someone renew the wards around the institute tbh…

Taking Jace off duty is a good call. Alec is head of the institute and he has to make the decisions that are best for everyone and in this case Jace is a liability and a danger to others and himself

And they’re back at it again with the big parabatai quotes without ever giving us scenes where we actually SEE this great bond they’re supposed to have

Round two of shaming Maia!!! I really, really hate this scene and Izzy is absolutely out of line. If you’re gonna do Sizzy like this, don’t do it.

Magnus with that sword is GOLD

Well for the fact that they were after Iris and wanted to capture/fight her, they did an awful job of doing that. Even without Magnus there to be kidnapped they wouldn’t have stood a chance which is stupid since they’re supposed to be the best people in the institute.

I still laugh about the fact that she stabs Jonathan with a BUTTER KNIFE.

Luke…. .____. Someone (Maryse) give him a hug too, pls

Oh how I hate Iris

This dialogue is so…flat.

Even without his powers I wouldn’t mess with Magnus tbqh

Well, Raphael’s regret comes a bit late

It’s still kind of stupid that Simon goes to see Raphael just for him to tell him there’s a vampire in New York who can help him, so Simon goes back to New York to look for him

Stop hurting my baby T^T

So you’re trying to tell me Magnus actually thinks that Catarina thinks Madzie would be better off with Iris and they’re going to give Madzie to her??? You’re not serious, are you?

Iris leaving Magnus there unsupervised and walking towards an obviously fake Madzie is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Combined with her hands up at just the right time for Izzy’s whip to chain her and then her conveniently turning to Alec for him to pin her with an arrow.

I really hope we won’t see more of that b*tch.

Oh Jia is SUCH a GOOD person. Sadly, that only lasts for a second or so.

Alec has lots of fans out there

Pretty sure that Jia isn’t actually lying. The Clave doesn’t do torture. But they’re outsourcing it.

Okay, I like that they had Malec actually talk about things for once but I really hope this wasn’t it. Magnus is clearly still struggling and it’s not just about not being able to do magic anymore.

Alec is right. And also, in love.

Foreeeeeeeshadowing to the Malec training scene!! Even if I’m pretty sure they won’t get much actual training done.

Maia for pack leader 2k19

Saia deserves a better ending.

Time for Clary to stab her brother with a butter knife!!!

WhAt??? They are bOuNd tOgEthEr??? *Phoebe voice* This is totally new information!!!

Luckily Jonathan died slowly enough for him to heal both of them I guess

DUNN DUNN DUNNNNNNNN

#shadowhunters tv #shadowhunters season 3b #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #izzy lightwood #clary fairchild #simon lewis #shadowhunters commentary #mine #long post #3x11 #shadowhunters 3x11 #I'll do 3x12 right after this just couldn't do the commentary for 3x11 last week

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hiddlesgirl · 5 years

Text

SH 319: Aku Cinta Kamu

I really enjoyed this episode and there were some really great moments, but there were a couple of things that I didn’t like too. I am enjoying dark Clary and the Team Evil dynamic is fun to watch; Sizzy is continuing to develop; Izzy is a weaponry badass; and Magnus is absolutely breaking my heart. Asmodeus is a fantastically complex character, Jack Yang is awesome, and he is one of the best villains.

However, I do wish that they had chosen a different episode title; we all got so excited because we knew (even non-book readers) that Aku Cinta Kamu was a Malec quote so we had high expectations for Malec scenes in this episode. We were disappointed because all the Malec scenes were flashbacks (even if they were amazing ones) and there was barely any Alec at all. I think it would have been better if the episode title had been something like ‘Glorious’ instead.

We begin the episode with Magnus walking alone down a deserted street, we presume that it must be about 5/6am in the morning; 318 took place during one night with the break up being around (I presume) 4am, just before sunrise, so it has probably been about 2 hours since then.

What hurts so much about him walking around New York like this is the fact that it’s because he literally has nowhere to go. He lost his home, he doesn’t want to burden Catarina who is sole guardian of Madzie and he can’t go back to the Institute; he feels so completely alone because there is no one there for him and there is nowhere for him to go.

Despite his loneliness right now he is still completely wary of Asmodeus and his intentions, he knows that Asmodeus only does things for his own gain and he doesn’t want to be around his toxic influence.

Asmodeus gives Magnus his magic back; I know that some people were a little disappointed with how Magnus got his magic back. I completely understand wanting Magnus to have been able to love and accept himself, to see the amazing things about himself without magic before he got it back. For him to have that journey of self discovery and acceptance; to learn something from it. But I also understand how it happened, it was completely Asmodeus using everything he could to manipulate Magnus into a vulnerable and more receptive state; to take his magic which pulled him into depression and then to force away the man he loves in order to leave him vulnerable enough to let Asmodeus back in. It was about getting Magnus into a similar state as he was when he was a child.

Harry’s acting in this moment is impeccable; you can see the happiness and relief on Magnus’ face to have his magic back, to have this part of his identity restored. But that morphs into distrust because he knows that Asmodeus never does anything for free and is scared of the consequences.

I think Asmodeus is a very intriguing character because he does seem to love Magnus in his own twisted way, a possessive kind of love. We have seen this with Lilith, they want that person to love them and only them; it is reinforced with the language they use, they hardly ever use their child’s name instead saying ‘my son’ or ‘my boy’. They refer to them in a possessive way, to call them in the way that refers to their connection to them instead of their name which infers independency.

When Alec arrives back at the Institute Izzy asks if everything is okay because she knows about the deal Asmodeus offered him; you can tell that Alec has fallen into his habit of pushing his emotions to the side and being a soldier. He has closed his emotions off and is concentrating on his job; this is his way of coping because he knows that with everything going on he doesn’t have time to be able to mourn his relationship. Plus, he is trying to avoid feeling the sadness, guilt and utter devastation by concentrating on other things.

I think that Jonathan’s reaction to Jace’s note is very interesting, he wants Clary all to himself and wants Clary to love only him; it is very similar to Lilith and Asmodeus. He wants to be the only person Clary loves and constantly reaffirms his ‘claim’ on her by calling her ‘little sister’ instead of her name, though he does use her name occasionally. This makes sense because this is how he was taught to love.

Magnus sees a couple holding hands which triggers a flashback in which Alec takes Magnus to a place in New York where couple attach locks. I really loved this scene, Alec’s excitement about wanting a lock for him and Magnus; it seems partly because he wants to experience things other couples do and partly because he wants to show Magnus and the world how permanent their love is.

It is a really beautiful moment between the two of them, once again showing us these little moments in their relationship that show just how much they care about each other. My heart breaks when Magnus destroys the lock, it is done out of hurt because they attached that lock as a sign of their eternal love but that promise has been broken; he can’t bear to see this token of love that seems false to him in that moment.

You can see that hurt and anger turn to devastation as the lock disintegrates as he realises not only what he’s done but also that the break up seems even more final. It is a visual representation of what has happened to their relationship.

I have said many times that I don’t like Jordan and explained why so I am not going to go over that again; my issue with this scene is that they kiss. With their past it was just really uncomfortable to watch and I think that them going into kiss and then Maia turning at the last second so he kissed her cheek instead would have not only worked better but would have been less uncomfortable (and maybe upsetting for those who are really affected by this storyline).

I like that Jace seems to be more active in starting conversations with Alec regarding his feelings and his relationship, in previous seasons it has felt very one sided. He is completely confused as to why Magnus and Alec have broken up; especially knowing that Alec was planning to propose. He knows how happy Magnus makes Alec and that they have a strong relationship so he doesn’t understand why this has happened and is trying to get Alec to open up to him.

Alec is trying everything to avoid talking about it, you can see him start to get choked up and upset as the conversation progresses. He can’t afford to let his emotions out right now because if he does he will break; he feels like everyone is depending on his with being the Head of the Institute and the added pressure of getting Clary back.

Jace convinces Clary to let him come with them by using the truth to cover his deception; he uses his true love and dedication to her as a guise. I quite like dark Clary, she is very intriguing and will not allow Jonathan to control her; in fact Jonathan is very deferring to her, and it’s an interesting dynamic.

The flashback of Malec getting ice cream with Madzie was very sweet, and my heart both soared and broke when they starting talking about having kids; inferring that they intended to have a family together one day. We know how much family means to Magnus, the Downworlders he takes in become his family and he will protect them with everything he has. Plus, as far as we understand no one has wanted to have a family with him before, just like no one has wanted to marry him, and you can only imagine how much it meant to him to hear someone say that they saw children in their future.

I really like Raphael, he admits his mistakes and accepts the consequences; it is really nice to see how happy he is now that he is mundane. It also warms my heart to hear about him being able to attend morning Mass and plant flowers on Rosa’s grave.

I understand why he has gone to see Maia, he feels responsible for Heidi, but I am a little confused as to why he hasn’t sought out Magnus. Magnus is like a father to him, they have a strong bond, yet they have had no scenes together this season despite everything that has happened to them.

Simon is scared of needles (I relate) but Izzy distracts him by talking about Superman; I think that this is a very sweet scene for them. Bonding more over these films and Izzy accepting that she is seeing Simon in a different light now, all this time she has seen him as a great friend but now she see’s all the attributes in him that she identifies with (doing whatever it takes to help those you love) and the potential of a romantic relationship.

I saw that some people didn’t like it because of the implied toxic masculinity related to the attractive woman liking nerdy guy with glasses after finding out he’s a superhero; I understand that and it is true of a lot of older films that are steeped in sexism, stereotypes and clichés.

But, personally, I don’t think the scene itself was problematic; I just think they were using the Superman film to further establish that they are seeing each other in different lights now that they have been spending more time together and seeing these different sides of each other.

Outside the club Jace is trying to get through to Clary by stating how much he loves her, it seems very familiar to how Clary would try to get through to Jace when he was the Owl but it doesn’t work. It seems to me that the Twinning Rune works more like creating a second personality than possession, it’s as if this is who Clary would have been if she had been raised by Valentine. It’s very interesting but I wish we knew for definite more about how the rune worked.

The flashback montage to the song ‘Signals’ by Frey Ridings is heartbreaking because it takes you on a very condensed version of the Malec story which is very emotional; one thing I do wish though is that they had included little moments from scenes we know had been cut, such as the extended balcony scene from 207 or the hug at the end of 212. Plus in the middle of the scene when we see present time Magnus there is a very awkward and unnecessary zoom into his face, really wish they hadn’t done that and just the next time they cut back to him it was a closer shot.

I really like learning more about Magnus and Brother Zachariah’s friendship, I love that to Zachariah this conversation was important enough for him to break his vow of silence. That really shows just how important Magnus is to him.

We get another confirmation that for Magnus Alec is different than everyone he has been in a relationship with before, this has been stated or hinted at several times since they met but unfortunately Alec doesn’t seem to get the memo. Magnus has lived with the memories of the people he loved and lost for centuries but he can’t bear his memories with Alec; this was a person who opened his heart after decades of being closed off, who has shown him unconditional love and acceptance, who has been there for him during his darkest times, who has loved him despite the prejudices of his community and who he saw himself having a family with.

Zachariah refuses to take his memories because he knows Magnus will regret it, no matter how much he is hurting right now Alec is a part of him, has changed him and removing all of that would not help Magnus, it would simply return him to a closed off state and Zachariah doesn’t want that for him.

Maia and Jordan go to the Institute very upset about the fact that the serum has been destroyed, it is understandable because they were hoping that they could have a second chance at a mundane life. You can see Simon’s frustration beginning to mount because they cannot understand how difficult the situation was and how quickly they had to act in order to stop Aldertree and anyone who may have been loyal to him.

He tells them he understands wanting to go back, with everything that he has done and has happened to him he wishes more than anything that he could go back to a mundane life but saving the masses from non-consensual neutralisation was more important. Plus, using the last few vials to stop Jonathan, who is a threat to everyone, is more important than giving them to their friends.

The Bone Chandelier is a great set, Clary’s shocked face that the bones were from Shadowhunters kinda makes me laugh a little because it is no different than how Shadowhunters used to take Downworlder marks as trophies.

I really did not like the scene that follows because Jace is pressured into taking an unknown substance, which we know is probably a hallucinogenic because it’s a Seelie drug; we know that Jonathan is trying to get Jace to slip up so he can prove his disloyalty to Clary but pressuring someone to take drugs is always going to be uncomfortable.

The entire make out scene is really uncomfortable for me because it is non-consensual, in my opinion. Jace is, unwillingly, under the influence of perception altering drugs and you can see that his initial demeanour is confused and slightly resistant; so from Jace’s perspective it is definitely non-consensual. With Clary, she is also under the influence of drugs and she is currently a different person than usual, so we are not sure how much consent she can give in this state (which is why I think the rune needed more explanation). Even her line about Jace being able to say no made me uncomfortable because it was followed with ‘But you won’t’ which implies the lack of ability to refuse.

I feel bad because I know that this was from the books but for me it was so uncomfortable because the situation feels very non-consensual.

I know that the purpose was for Jace to lose concentration and for Jonathan to see the ring, but the hole in that is that Jace should have taken off the ring because he knew he had ingested drugs and I am sure they could have done it in a way that was more consensual. Maybe if it was a less powerful drug, or a non-hallucinogenic, or if Jace seemed more into it, or if Clary’s line was worded differently; I don’t know, but I just don’t like the scene how it is.

I really like that Maia took the time to think about what Simon said, she is a very mature and compassionate person; she knows that she is not the only person whose life has been destroyed by becoming a Downworlder. She knows that she doesn’t deserve it more than anyone else and that to demand it would be wrong. I love Maia so much.

Jordan on the other hand has stolen the vial; I had a gut instinct that he was going to steal it. My only problem is how, the vial was in the room with Izzy and Simon, it is a big vial so is not easy to quickly conceal and how did they not notice it was missing? Anyway, since Jordan heard about the serum he has been single minded in getting his hands on it; to me it seems very selfish in thinking that all his problems started with becoming a werewolf and that by becoming mundane again it fixes that. I may be wrong, we’ll have to wait and see.

I adore Izzy! I loved seeing the weapons master side of her, and seeing the scientist in her these past few episodes; it was amazing to see her create a new Glorious.

The fight scene in the club was well choreographed and it was a good scene; it was nice to see Clary and Jace fighting side by side again too. However, I do think that it was way too easy for Jonathan to grab the Seelie Queen, after all this time of her being built up as this powerful and untouchable character he only needed to take out one knight in less than a minute and grab her. I did see the footage of Luke dislocating his shoulder in this scene though, and that looked really painful.

After they finish fighting the Seelies Clary turns on Jace, she is clearly angry and upset that he has betrayed her trust and is trying to separate her from Jonathan. This moment is a real testimony to just how different Clary is right now, although her conviction to fight for those she cares about (that being Jonathan right now) is very Clary. Again, I just wish we knew more about how the rune worked so that we could understand its influence and Clary’s state right now.

I must say that I laughed out loud at Jace sliding along the Institute floor; it was just so comical even though it wasn’t meant to be. I really feel for Jace because you can see the devastation and almost loss of hope on his face. He can’t recognise the person Clary is right now and in that moment he feels at a loss of how to help; he feels like he has lost her all over again.

I do really feel sympathy for him because he had to suffer through thinking she had died and that he was part of the reason why; then the happiness of getting her back; watching her battle the rune’s influence over her; and now watching her become this completely different person than he knows. She is the first and only person in his life he has loved this much and to keep losing her must be absolutely soul crushing.

Watching Magnus pull his memories of Alec from his mind you can see how much they are torturing him, he cannot bear the loss of him; he loves Alec so much. Also Alec is the first person who thought his eyes were beautiful, knew who his father was and didn’t care, who he told his dark past to and he accepted. Alec has been different in so many ways and he loves him so much; to have Alec walk away from him is tearing him apart.

Asmodeus is the one to stop Magnus from destroying the memories; he wants Magnus to remember the pain that Alec caused him, he wants to use that pain to manipulate Magnus. If Magnus forgets Alec than he will no longer be in an emotionally vulnerable place and it would be much harder for Asmodeus to get back into his life. Magnus is upset and confused as to why Asmodeus is persisting; he knows that Asmodeus never truly cared about him and is trying to remind both of them of that.

Asmodeus tells Magnus to keep the memories to make him stronger and wiser; Magnus keeps the memories I think partially because of what both Zachariah and Asmodeus said, but also because looking at them there is a part of him that can’t let Alec go.

Harry’s acting in this scene is absolutely amazing, especially considering he had nothing to react to; he generated emotion purely from his imagination. He blows me away every time he performs an emotional scene like this, he is always fantastic but these emotional scenes really get me.

Magnus allows Asmodeus to comfort him, this is understandable because he is so upset and vulnerable right now that he needs comfort and support and right now Asmodeus is the only person offering that to him. Asmodeus’ smirk sends shivers down your spine because you know that his intentions are anything but good but he is such a great villain.

I know that some people were disappointed and annoyed that Magnus did not figure out the connection between Alec leaving him and Asmodeus turning up. But Magnus is completely blinded by his emotions right now and can’t think logically; all his feelings from losing his magic and the trauma surrounding that don’t just disappear when he gets it back, it is going to take time to work through those emotions still. Plus, he is swamped with the disbelief, anger, hurt, confusion and devastation of Alec leaving him; which is a continuous onslaught, whirlwind and swinging between anger and hurt with all the flashbacks he is experiencing.

Also, not only did he lose his relationship but he also lost his support system. After losing his magic (his job and his home) Alec has been the only person who has consistently been there to support him, no one else (Catarina, Raphael, Izzy, Simon, Clary, Jace) has made the effort to reach out to him.

The person he loves is gone, his support system, he has nowhere to live; right now the only person in the world who is actively seeking him out to offer support is Asmodeus. He is at his absolutely lowest right now, completely emotionally destroyed and vulnerable; he needs someone now more than ever and the only person there is Asmodeus. It’s no surprise that Magnus takes whatever support and comfort he can get.

Plus, although their relationship ended badly Asmodeus is still his father; he is still the person who took him in when he was a child and had no one else. Asmodeus was the only person who would help him as a child and he is the only person offering him help now.

I know that some people were also wondering why Magnus did not go back to Alec once he regained his magic; the answer is simple, would you? Alec confirmed Magnus’ greatest insecurity by saying that everything that is special about him came from his magic (that spark inside you was out for good). Alec left him when he was at his emotional lowest, saying that Magnus was too much for him to handle; another insecurity of Magnus’, that he is ‘too much’ for people. Why would he go back to someone who doesn’t want him?

To say it in real world terms; if you were very wealthy but suddenly lost everything and then your partner left you, would you call them to come back if you suddenly regained your wealth? No because that person left you when you had nothing, if they don’t deem you worth their time when you have nothing why do they deserve you when you regain everything?

This is why I think that Malec getting back together is going to be complicated and perhaps a bit messy. I do want them to get back together, of course I do, especially with there only being three episodes left (at the moment. #SaveShadowhunters!). But I think that the issues surrounding the break up are too important to just gloss over or forget about.

Even though Alec made the deal for Magnus’ happiness he still made a major life decision without Magnus’ knowledge or consent. They definitely need to have a conversation about this because although Magnus will understand Alec only wanted to make him happy, he still made a huge decision about Magnus’ life for him. Plus, it was a decision that left Magnus feeling at rock bottom, abandoned and unloved when he was at his most vulnerable.

I am not trying to hate on Alec at all, I love him and I understand why he made the deal; he wanted to make Magnus happy and he thought it was the only way to help him. His own insecurities about his importance, both in Magnus’ life and in general, made him believe Magnus would recover from losing him.

Plus, there is the fact that Alec worded the break up to use Magnus’ insecurities against him. This is such a complex situation and the definitely need to talk about it in order to learn, recover and move forward.

I really liked this episode, but I definitely has issues with the Maia/Jordan scene and the Clace makeout.

I loved Izzy being an absolute weaponry badass, the Sizzy bonding and Magnus’ journey was incredibly painful.

In 320, Clary and Jonathan continue their quest to get Morningstar, a battle is coming up in Idris and Asmodeus is definitely planning something. I’m really looking forward to the 3B season finale (I know there is 321 and 322 but this is the 3B finale).

Also, in the promo is looks like Magnus is back in his apartment and it will be interesting to find out how that happens but I hope that it isn’t because of Asmodeus because that will solidify Lorenzo’s belief about Magnus’ power coming from his father.

Plus, it looks like Magnus is attacking Asmodeus; whether this is because he learns about the deal or because of Asmodeus’ plans remains to be seen.

Who’s excited?

#Shadowhunters Review #Aku Cinta Kamu #Shadowhunters #SH 319 #SH3x19 #SH 319 Review #Shadowhunters 319 #SH319 #SH 3x19 Review #SH 3x19 #Shadowhunters 3x19

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quotesthatiliked · 6 months

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Time was something that moved in fits and starts for Magnus, dissipating like mist or dragging like chains, but when Alec was here, Magnus’s time seemed to fall into an easy rhythm with Alec’s, like two heartbeats falling into sync. He felt anchored by Alec, and his whole self felt restless and mutinous when Alec was not there, because he knew how different it would be when Alec was there, how the tumultuous world would quiet at the sound of Alec’s voice.

-Cassandra Clare,The Bane chronicles[What to Buy a Shadowhunter Who has everything(and who you're not officially dating anyway)]

#cassandra clare #magnus bane #alexander lightwood #malec #the bane chronicles #what to buy a shadowhunter who has everything(and who you're not officially dating anyway)#malec has such great quotes i tell you #quotes #.mine🍀#bookblr #book quotes #books & libraries

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khaleesiofalicante · 1 year

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"I'm sorry you were not truly loved and that it made you cruel." -Warsan Shire

Great, so we got rid of David-being-the-Prince-of-Darkness problem! Now we have the we-don't-know-who-is one!

Shadowhunters are so stupid holy fuck

Oh, mirror mirror in the sky!!! It makes sense now!!! I support Lexi's idea 100%. But I do feel this is going to leave some issues left...

The irony of finding a way to kill something that can't be killed 🥰

Something poetic about the fact that they are going to use the resources of the Devlins for themselves.... But also there's an itch I can't figure about it...

Jace and Simon are idiots 😂😂 but also, mood

I would like to personally thank you for the throne sex references kshskdjd

They had won. But it didn’t feel like it. For some reason, it felt like the worst was yet to come. yeah this feels odd

He can call Manus just by tapping the floor oh my god kshdkdk

David stop stealing demons and making them pets!!!

I agree killing Mallory would solve everything, but I am proud of my rosewood tho🥺

“Our memories are part of our identities too,” David whispered. “Who are we if not for the memories of who we have been and memories of who we wished to be?” David is a better person than me bc I would take the memories of that bitch right away, but he is also right

I agree with Rafael bc Anjali in that throne would be HOT AF🥵

Yes to Malec solving inmortality nerves in a hell dimension💙

Who tf does Hunter think he is to demand a different trial?? Its so ridiculous is kinda funny lmao

Yeah I don't love that decision either but there's nothing left to do so...

My queen is too good for you❤️

A clean fight. Nice😎 also “Even if we’re family,” Alec said. “You mistake me for someone who gives a shit.” ???? Damn, this man is gorgeous!!!

No Max, she is a crazy bitch, I promise

No one in my life has tried to kill me before, but I don't automatically assume they love me for it, Mallory!!

Yes he met Merlin!!! They are the cutest 🥺💙💙💙

My moral compass is whatever Gigi says😌

WHAT. THE. ABSOLUTE. FUCK. JUST. HAPPENED??????? HOLY FUCK SHIT. WHAT?? HOW??? WHEN?? WHY?? HOW?? ISTG I JUMPED AND I FELL OFF MY BED BC OF THE SHOCK OH MY GOD😭😭 I KNEW IT!!! OTHER MAX IS FUTURE MAX!! Also it makes sense Nico asked for him, maybe he knows warlock math and can figure this shit out?!?!!!

I... I don't know how I am alive after that last part. I have a lot of questions. And I almost cried. And then I went to tell everything to my mom even if I knew she didn't understand shit of what I was saying but I don't care because wtf?!?!!!

Questions (I know you probably can't answer them but I will ask them bc my mind is chaos):

What did Leviathan meant??? Everything that needed to be done?? What does Legacy mean?? Although yes, the competition is not even close, obviously David wins!!

“It’s not a romcom,” Max shook his head. “It’s a love story.” WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEART STOPPED-

Who cried for eleven days??? David?? What did Mallory do?? And how?? And what was horrible enough to make Max do this??

Also the parallels here😭 Louder said first from David to Max, them from Mallory to David and finally Max to Mallory in different context, and Max saying there is nothing that could make him like her but also this and- god I want to make an analysis of this but my phone is dying 😭😭

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH

This was in equals parts satisfying, terrifying and just fucking confusing.... HOW ARE THERE JUST THREE CHAPTERS LEFT???

There is not amount of words or time that can express correctly the feelings I have rn. This was an absolute fave. I am confused. I loved it. I have questions. The quotes were on some other level. Wow. You never not surprise me!!

💙.💙.💙.

But also bold of you to asume I won't come back with more screaming

Aight aight aight. Let's look at these questions.

Oh wait.

The answer for all the questions is "you'll find out soon" lmao bye

#i love you baby bug 💙#lbaf

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adorealeclightwood · 6 years

Text

Malec: Turning Page.

I’ve been asked to explain what a variety of songs mean to Malec, so without further ado, here’s the first of what’s sure to be an ongoing series of posts!

[NOTE: I won’t be posting all the lyrics to every song, just the important parts.]

Song: Turning Page by Sleeping At Last

“BuT eRyKaH, tHaT’s A tWiLiGhT sOnG”

Hush.

On this blog, we recognize it as a Malec song, okay? Okay.

I’ve waited a hundred years, But I’d wait a million more for you. Nothing prepared me for What the privilege of being yours would do.

Do I even have to say anything? If that isn’t Magnus fucking Bane in a nutshell, I don’t know what is. He’s a centuries old warlock that’s had thousands - actual thousands - of past lovers, and none of them could’ve prepared him for the physical embodiment of love that is Alec Lightwood.

He’d had his heart broken more times than he could count, and over time, he learned to put walls up, and not let anyone in. He spent years flirting and dating casually, but never letting anyone get too close - until Alec came along.

“For almost a century, I’ve closed myself off to feeling anything for anyone, man or woman. You’ve unlocked something in me.” - Magnus Bane. [X]

That’s what makes that quote so compelling, and allows it to retain it’s truth throughout the duration of each season. The fact that Alec is the reason for Magnus opening his heart again, and allowing himself to love and be loved is one of the most beautiful things about their relationship.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch, If I had only seen how you smile when you blush, Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough, Well I would have known, What I was living for all along. What I’ve been living for.

This is another nod to the novelty of the love they share. When you’re in a relationship, especially one that’s fairly new, you notice all the little things about the other person, like warm touches, or blushing smiles. In Magnus’ case, I guess you could say he’s noticed Alec’s furrowed brow, or the sound of his voice (considering he mimics him a couple of times). If Magnus had known all of this, and met Alec sooner, there’s no way he would’ve kept himself from falling in love for this long. Whether he’d met him in this century or another, the attraction would be the same, and he’d find himself unable to resist the pull he felt towards Alec.

Your love is my turning page, Where only the sweetest words remain. Every kiss is a cursive line, Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I equate this to love being a chapter in the book of life for both Alec and Magnus. Every page is a good one, filled with sweet words and kind gestures. For someone who’s been in love before, like Magnus, it’s familiar and completely new, all at the same time. Think of it as breathing.

You breathe all the time, even in your sleep. In and out, without thinking about it. Have you ever gone to the mountains, or somewhere else elevated? The air is different, isn’t it? You’re still breathing, but the air is fresher. Cleaner. Crisper. There’s nothing spectacular about it - it’s just air, after all - but God, it suddenly feels so good to breathe. That’s what this love is like for Magnus. A breath of fresh air.

For Alec, it’s strange, yet comfortable. Every kiss is a cursive line, because every kiss is worth noting. If you were to open up Alec’s book of life, the love chapter would be bursting with cursive lines, because he’d cherish every single one. Every touch is a redefining phase, because any form of touching can be used to gauge the phase of any relationship. The slow progression from holding hands, caressing someone’s face, giving them a hug, or patting them on the shoulder to let them feel that you’re there - they’re all varying levels of intimacy. Intimacy is so much more than sex. Even the smallest of touches can hold the deepest of meanings.

I surrender who I’ve been for who you are, For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.

(I keep going back to Magnus because he may as well have written this song lol)

Alec makes Magnus feel things he hasn’t felt in years. Accepted. Loved unconditionally. Cared for. Time and time again, he’s held back, afraid he’d turn Alec away, and every single time, Alec stayed.

When he was worried about taking the “sex step”, and possibly losing Alec, Alec assured him that he wasn’t going anywhere. He pulled away from Alec when his warlock mark began to show, and Alec told him that him and his eyes were beautiful. When he opened up about his childhood, and all the pain he’d been carrying around with him, Alec was there to comfort him. He revealed that he was the son of Asmodeus, and Alec didn’t even flinch, because he didn’t care who Magnus’ father was.

Alec’s heart is indeed fragile - it’s never been broken - and that only strengthens Magnus’ love for him. It makes him love Alec openly and wholeheartedly, and make sure he doesn’t get hurt. Most of the time we see Magnus helping the Shadowhunters, he’s doing it because he’s the kind of man to help anyone in need, but he does a lot of things out of his love for Alec. So much so, that when Alec shows up asking him to seal a rift (2x20), he makes it a point to tell him he’s not doing it for him after their fight.

Though we’re tethered to the story we must tell, When I saw you, well I knew we’d tell it well. With a whisper we will tame the vicious seas, Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

As we learned recently, the story of Alec and Magnus is more important than either of them realize. Not only did Alec inspire countless others by coming out in front of the entire Institute, he’s also paved the way for Shadowhunters just like him. As Underhill said, he’s the head of the Institute, in a loving relationship with a warlock who happens to be a man. That’s a powerful image for all the Shadowhunters who were previously in the closet, as well as those that still are. Seeing one of your own kind rise to such a position of power and have such a healthy relationship is exactly the kind of push people like Underhill needed to come out on their own.

Not only is Malec loving, but they’re honest, supportive, and incredibly sweet. They’ve been able to tackle everything life has thrown at them so far, and will continue to do so in the future, no matter how rocky things get.

Great. The song is over, but I’m still emotional.

I hope you enjoyed this song breakdown! There will be many more to come.

For the song in this post: YouTube, Spotify

For the Malec Playlist: Spotify

#Shadowhunters #Alec Lightwood #Magnus Bane #Malec #Music

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fictionalrambles · 4 years

Text

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in - the - rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfiction blog

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translightyagami · 6 years

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Lawlight (duh) for the ship thing Also, if you're into any of these - Drarry, Malec, Ichiruki, Sakunaru

uhhhh i only know drarry tbh but not well enough for a ship meme dlfajsda sorry. anyway here’s lawlight.

who is more likely to hurt the other?

they both hurt each other on some level just bc they hv v combative personalities and also they r WATER SIGNS which means they r constantly in a fight over who is more valid. jokes on them tho: they r both unvalid as hell. light will center an entire week around getting back at L for something he did bc he’s basically amy dunne playing the long con all the time. L will hurt light in ways that last. he’ll just come out of nowhere with something like, “maybe it would be better if we hadn’t met” and light will just go quiet. that’s like, a sore spot L will push on if they argue bc he knows light is incredibly insecure abt his standing in L’s life. idk man. they love each other but there’s a lot of stuff they’re working thru and they’re leaving some scars along the way.

who is emotionally stronger?

hm. i think L is. he’s toughened up from all his experiences as the world’s greatest detective and had to deal w a lot more emotional crises than light. when it comes to big setbacks, he’s more likely to take them in stride whereas light is like that post that’s like “i’ll deal with it but you gotta let me be dramatic first.” before anything, he’s gotta scream in his scream jar then he can put those anxieties into the fridge and go back to figuring out his life.

who is physically stronger?

they hv abt the same physical strength. that’s less of a contest between them, altho light does sort of like it when L can lift him up. he’s done the same for L a couple times but its more fun to b carried than to b the carrier. anyway. if ur asking who wins more fights? then i would say that light wins a lot of their brawls bc he’s not afraid to play dirty. he has a sibling, he’s fought these battles many times before. its no rules just right in this house.

who is more likely to break a bone?

light has a lot of sports related injuries but not a lot of broken bones. meanwhile, mr. stays inside all day on my laptop has had three broken bones all from falling down the stairs or slipping on shit. just, like, hold on bc i’m picturing light and L sitting in the urgent care waiting room, both with broken arms bc of a roller skating accident. i don’t know how ppl break bones.

who knows best what to say to upset the other?

see this question and the first question r so close and so the answer is like both of them know each other well enough to hv their fingers poised over a particular emotionally destructive button at all times. i only say L is better at upsetting light bc he’s more willing to go the extra inch of underhandedness. of course, light nvr shows that he’s upset on the outside. no, he remains cool and calm, laughs it off probably, and then goes into the bathroom to hv a full scale meltdown in the dry bathtub. to b fair, that doesn’t happen often. its only during big, BIG arguments.

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument?

oh i don’t think either of them hv apologized once in their whole lives so it was a big step for them to apologize to each other. light caves first, trudging into L’s office with the most pathetic look on his face and being like “i’m sorry i called you a trash bag with arms.” and then L sort of sits there and has an inner conflict for a second before saying, “i’m sorry i told you looked like a kohl’s mannequin but not hot.”

who treats who’s wounds more often?

if their fights ever get too intense and someone gets hurt, its usually L knocking his head against something sharp and light has to like sit him on the toliet so he can fix him up. when he’s administering first aid, light starts to fuss over L and makes a lot of concerned noises.

“that hurts.” L squirms as light gives him stitches. “don’t pull too hard.”

“relax.” light says. “i’m actually quite good at this.”

(will i ever stop quoting that one line? no, i won’t.)

who is in constant need of comfort?

i don’t know abt comfort but light needs a lot of reassurance, both verbal and physical, that L does care abt him. he needs to b assured of his place in the world and in their relationship which L isn’t super great abt doing. but light is usually vocal abt when he needs comfort around L, whomst he rarely hides much of himself from, so its nvr a problem of L just not knowing. he just has no clue how to react.

there’s been a scarce few times when L has needed comfort after a taxing case but light is right there to just sort of, uhhh, hold him. let him make some horrible noises and talk. they try to b there for each other. its something they’re working on.

who gets more jealous?

oh for sure light. he gets flushed w jealousy anytime L shows a little more attention to someone else who could possibly usurp light’s romantic position in L’s life. its not fair. those ppl nvr worked as hard as he did to get L’s attention, to get his love. L thinks its kind of funny and will do shit to make light go green eyed. but that shit stops after they work with a french officer who gets a little too flirty w light and L just like, shuts that down. not so fun to b on the receiving end of that kind of jealousy.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other?

light. he’ll fucking do it at the drop of a hat too, just fucking walk out and not come back for three days. of course, they both think they can handle being separated so neither of them calls the other. but on the third day light’s trying to eat mcdonalds in his car and put a sausage mcmuffin in the hole L’s absence made so he goes to call him but his phone rings and it’s L on the other line like “please come back i forgot how quiet things r when ur not around also if ur at mcdonalds can u get me an apple pie okay thanks i love you.”

who will propose?

dklfsadlsfkj neither of them. they don’t want to get married tbh. i just literally can’t see them ever wanting to get married. if ur gonna put a gun to my head abt it tho, i would probably say light does but its only bc his mom started a campaign to get him to make an honest man out of L.

who has the most difficult parents?

um. i mean i guess light’s parents r more difficult. its not that they’re difficult tbh its more like they’re still adjusting to the life their son decided to lead bc its waaayyy different than what they thought was gonna happen. like first he’s gay (which isn’t a huge surprise to them like they’ve seen queer eye for the straight guy. they know things.) and then he’s dating some 24 yr old reclusive detective that happens to hv been soichiro’s boss for like a couple months and now light just sort of solves crimes w his boyfriend. so they’re being supportive but they’re also a little bit confused so sometimes it ends up in awkward situations where everyone’s at the dinner table and sachiko is like “so. what do your parents do, L?” and L is like “i don’t know who my parents were. i think they’re dead.” and she’s like, “oh. hm. well. that must b rlly rough for you.” meanwhile light is p much eating his napkin so he doesn’t start screaming at how little control he has over this shitty conversation.

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?

they r rarely in public but uh. light does. he’s getting used to being out and part of him just rlly enjoys the physical evidence of their relationship that hand holding provides. that closet was so suffocating. it’s time to let those hands breath a little.

who comes up for the other all the time?

i still don’t entirely understand what this means entirely but i’ll take my best stab at it. i think L comes up for light a lot, esp if he’s talking to like the wammies or literally anyone who isn’t light himself or his family. like, p much everyone is like “but.....he’s kira???” and L is like “look. listen. i don’t know why but he’s. he’s rlly important to me. so its maybe better if we don’t shit talk the guy who sucks my dick? at least not rn.” he doesn’t do it v often bc usually the insults thrown toward light r well deserved but sometimes he does. light doesn’t come up for L like ever. he nvr talks to anyone abt L. whomst would he tell? yamamoto? secretly he goes on a couple message boards tho and send mean anon messages to ppl talking shit abt L but that’s as close as he gets.

who hogs the blankets?

L will b wrapped in a big old blanket bundle like that picture of homer simpson where he’s like “ah. i’m just a big cozy cinnamon bun.” light’s like curled up on his side of the bed w just the sheet but then L reaches over and drags him into the blanket bundle so they r both toasty cinnamon buns together.

who gets more sad?

L is more prone to bouts of depression and can get lethargic if something hits him the wrong way. the first few times it happened, light tried to shake it out of him but he’s learned since then that he’s just gotta ride this shit out. so for a few days or weeks, he’s just got a sad boyfriend so they watch a lot of netflix and don’t get a ton of work done.

light v rarely gets sad. he’s got a v positive outlook on life and doesn’t let a lot of stuff ruin his mood. but when he is sad, its like a big event and he’s crying in the dry tub in just his briefs and a sweatshirt while listening to sufjan on repeat. look. he’s just gotta get it out of his system and then he’ll b fine!

who is better at cheering the other up?

light is better at finding stuff to cheer L up. if L is in a funk, he’ll go search for a good case or an interesting lead so he can present it to him like a cat dropping a mouse in front of him. L is.....not so good at cheering light up. all he knows is how to piss him off. but after a while he starts to puzzle out that light flourishes under praise so he’ll try to keep telling him what a good job he’s doing.

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

i said this in my mikami/light post but uh, light laughing is so uproarious that he just. whacks the person making him laugh on the back super hard. L doesn’t do anything the first time but the second time he grabs light by the wrist and is like “don’t. control ur self, u loud scream laughing monster.” light keeps his hands to himself when he laughs after that. he’s actually quite embarrassed of his natural laugh bc it is so obnoxious so he often tones it down but sometimes!!! shit’s just too funny!!!

who is more streetwise?

neither of these two know a god damn thing abt the streets. ok, L knows a little bit but he forgot it after building a giant fucking building for one investigation team of like six ppl.

who is more wise?

L knows more abt the world and has more experience than light does. he’s not quite wise?? but he’s definitely more knowledgeable and it smacks him in the face a lot how super young light is. how much he just doesn’t know. but L’s only in his mid twenties. what the fuck does he rlly know?

who’s the shyest?

mmm. they aren’t shy ppl by nature so i’d say neither of them. esp when they’re together. combining their levels of pure confidence is like putting a fire in a room with more fire; it just increases the amount of fire. as their relationship progresses, they get more assertive w each other and idk man. they just don’t do that shy shit.

who boasts about the other more?

mmmm. i don’t think they brag abt each other a lot but i think light kind of wants to brag abt being w L. i mean, he didn’t think it would happen but then L did come and want to start something with him and its like?? wrow. but he doesn’t rlly hv anyone to brag to so he just sort of lets it sit like a smoldering piece of coal in his stomach, keeping him warm. L exculsively brags abt light during video conferences w the wammies like “MY PARTNER, WHO IS A GENIUS AND V ATTRACTIVE, AND I, WHO IS DATING THIS ATTRACTIVE GENIUS, HV FOUND A CLUE” and like everyone rolls their eyes like “dude u told us the same shit last week like please please please stop telling us abt ur hot boyfriend.”

who sits on who’s lap?

light!!! sits!!! on L’s lap!!!! all the time!!! he curls up in there like a cat and plays w L’s hair.

“am i making it hard to do ur work?” he asks, fingers scratching on L’s scalp.

“yes. but that’s okay. light shouldn’t move.”

so he doesn’t and just falls asleep there, hand on the back of L’s neck and drooling on his shoulder. its cute in like an ugly way.

#death note #dslafjskdjfhaskjfh this is so LONG #why do i take so much time w these like c'mon dude #u got other shit to do #:/#devilcornflakes

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