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ao719 · 7 months

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Best Kept Secrets

Best Kept Secrets - A Lot of Learning To Do (Chapter 17)

Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Summary: An unforeseen encounter with the past proves that even the best-kept secrets eventually make their way into the light.

Title inspiration: Perfect - Rachel AO

Book/Pairing: TRR; Liam x F!OC

A/N: Thank you to @burnsoslow for prereading most of this. Please excuse any errors.

Rating: M • Warning: This series will contain NSFW material. If you read, you acknowledge you are 18+

Catch up here

Liam stared down at Amara, who was frozen in place as she held the door to the north wing open, looking up at him in stunned silence. Her complexion was slightly pale, her eyes were puffy and rimmed red, and her cheeks were blotchy and still glistened with the remnants of tears she’d attempted to wipe away only moments ago.

Liam cleared his throat and finally broke the silence. “Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi …” Amara’s voice came out slightly cracked and just above a whisper.

“May I come in?” Liam asked.

Amara bit her lip to keep it from trembling as she slowly nodded and stepped aside. Once he was over the threshold, she softly shut the door; her palm rested against the wood as she closed her eyes, trying to rein in her emotions, but she was failing.

Liam paused at the entryway into the living and kitchen area to wait for her; he glanced over to see her back still to him and her head slightly bowed. “Amara?” He watched her stiffen at the sound of her name from his lips before lifting her head; she raised a hand to her face, seemingly wiping more tears from her cheeks as she let out a breath.

Amara turned, not meeting his eyes as she gestured for him to go ahead.

Liam walked to the sofa and lowered himself down as he studied her. When Amara sat, she left an ample amount of space between them; she tucked herself into the corner, pulling her knees to her chest. He could tell she was nervous. More than nervous.

“Where is Sophia?” Amara asked quietly.

“She’s with Imogen in my quarters,” Liam answered. “I figured it would be easier for us to talk without her here.” She nodded her agreement, still not looking at him. “I, uh …” He cleared his throat; he was nervous too, although he couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. “I wanted to come talk to you about Bradshaw and what happened …” She offered another silent nod. “I wanted to let you know that the situation with him has been dealt with and handled. He won’t be a problem again. For anyone, least of all us.”

“Thank you,” Amara said through a cracked whisper, and her brows knit as she continued to fight against the wave of emotions threatening to drown her. “For everything you did … to get Sophia out of that.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Liam replied. “But I think we need to talk about the statement that was made …” He watched her tense at his words. “Amara … why would you do that? Why would you willingly throw yourself under the bus like that?”

Yes, Daniel had told him why, but Liam needed to hear it from her.

“Because … because it was the right thing to do.” Amara shook her head; her brows creased as she tried to blink away the rising sting in her eyes. “I know it’s not what you wanted … but I couldn’t let them scrutinize you … and, in turn, Sophia … for what I had done.”

“We could have figured out something else. You didn’t need to make yourself a damn martyr.”

“There wasn’t another way …”

Liam watched her, studied her; she stared straight ahead and he could see her jaw tick. And in the deafening silence that lay between them, he could hear her struggling not to let her breath stutter as she visibly fought back her tears, trying and failing not to let him glimpse that struggle.

“Are you alright?” Liam asked. He knew it was a silly question, but his goal in coming there was not only to have a conversation with her about everything but to get her to open up. He’d been told by both Riley and Daniel how she’d completely shut down in the last month since everything happened. She still wouldn’t meet his gaze as she nodded in response to his question. “Amara, look at me.” At his words, she started to lose that battle to control her emotions; he watched her chin tremble as her eyes welled to the brim with tears. “Look at me,” he said more sternly. Her brows knit and her breath hitched; she hesitated before slowly turning her head, finally lifting her eyes to his. “Are you alright?” he asked again, his voice softer and laced with a touch of concern.

That was all it took.

Amara shook her head in answer to his question as that thread of control she was barely clinging to snapped; a sob escaped her as she covered her face with her hands. When Liam instinctively shifted closer to her and she felt his arms wrap around her for comfort, she completely broke down. Everything she’d been trying to hold in over the last month — hell, the last two years — came pouring out all at once, causing what little composure she had left to crumble from beneath her.

Liam had never seen her this way. Amara was a wall, even two years ago. She was an immovable wall of practiced impassiveness, honed from years of depending on nothing and no one but herself. He’d seen glimpses beyond that wall two years ago, more than she had ever allowed anyone before, and he’d been given those same glimpses again when she returned. At that moment, however, the wall had completely shattered.

Despite everything that had happened, it broke Liam to witness it. He pulled her closer, curling one hand around the back of her head and his other rubbed her back in an attempt to try and calm her as she cried into his chest.

Tucking his head, Liam brought his lips to her ear. “Amara, breathe,” he whispered. His words didn’t appear to be of much help; she cried harder, her breath hitching between sobs that she couldn’t seem to control. He drew back slightly, cupping her face in his hands and forcing her gaze to his. “Breathe.”

Amara grasped his wrists, trying and failing to take a full breath as she squeezed her eyes shut. “I-I … I’m … sorry, Liam,” she choked out through another sob.

“I know you are.”

Liam pulled her back to him as she continued to whisper broken apologies through cries; her one hand was still clutching his wrist and he could feel it trembling. Daniel told him she’d been struggling with guilt, but he never expected this.

It was consuming her, strangling her from the inside.

“I know that you’re sorry,” Liam said softly.

“You must … hate me,” Amara cried.

Liam felt an immediate lump swell in his throat at her words. “I do not hate you, Amara.”

“I-I didn’t — I should’ve —” Amara’s words were choked off by another sob. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“Shhh,” Liam pulled her tighter against him, resting his chin atop her head as he closed his eyes. “I know.”

And he did know.

There wasn’t a single part of him that doubted her remorse, doubted how horrible she felt, or doubted how badly she wished she could go back and do things differently.

Liam wasn’t sure how much time passed as he sat and held Amara until she finally started to calm down some; her breath continued to hitch but her cries had quieted.

Reaching over, Liam grabbed a couple of tissues from a box on the coffee table and he glanced down at her still tucked against his chest, offering them to her. She took them before she slowly sat back, wiping her eyes; she kept her gaze cast downward, fidgeting with the tissues now in her hands. He could both see and feel the guilt still seeping out of her, though.

“Are you ok?” Liam asked.

Amara nodded, but her brows knit as her breath stuttered. “S-Sorry about …” She trailed off, gesturing to herself.

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I do,” Amara said with a nod as her eyes filled with tears again. He knew she didn’t mean just about her breakdown; she was still referring to everything else.

“Amara, please stop apologizing,” Liam said. “I know that you’re sorry. You don’t need to keep saying it.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he let out a breath. “Look …” He paused, searching his mind for the right words as she finally lifted her apprehensive gaze to his. “I know this past month has been hard on you … not only because Daniel and Riley both told me that you haven’t at all been yourself but because the times I saw you, I could see it myself. And I’m not going to lie and say that it’s been easy on me. It hasn’t. It’s been … overwhelming and difficult, among other things. But we need to move past all of this … not only for both of our sakes but Sophia’s as well.” When she subtly shook her head and looked down, he reached out, gently grasping her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her gaze back to his. “Talk to me.”

Amara’s breath hitched. “I don’t know how you can even look at me,” she choked out. “Let alone sit here … and be civil toward me after what I did.”

“Because I don’t want to keep dwelling on what happened, Amara,” Liam answered. “As I said, I know that you’re sorry. I believe you. And I forgive you.”

At those last three words, more tears fell. I forgive you. Hearing him say them flooded her with relief … but also more guilt. “I … I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” Amara cried, shaking her head.

“You do. And you have it,” Liam replied. “Me forgiving you and you forgiving yourself is the only way we’re going to move forward. It’s in the past and it needs to stay there because nothing good is going to come from either of us living there. There’s nothing either of us can do to change what’s already been done.”

The past month that Liam had to reflect on everything had shown him just that. Sure, he could remain angry and resentful toward her and the situation, but no good was going to come of it. And Amara could continue wallowing in her guilt, but nothing would come of that either except to destroy her.

Sophia deserved better than what dwelling on the past would do to her parents.

“I just want us to figure out a way to move forward together.” When she glanced up at him with surprise in her eyes, Liam realized how what he’d said may have sounded. “For Sophia, I mean …”

Liam hadn’t thought about them, not in that sense anyway. It was clear from her reaction that Amara hadn’t expected him to either.

Yes, he missed her and he missed where they were and what they started to rebuild before everything happened. Of course he did. He hadn’t just been dealing with the rollercoaster of emotions from discovering he had a child he knew nothing about over the past month; he’d also been dealing with the heartbreak over what felt like losing Amara for a second time. He couldn’t just shut off his feelings for her. He loved her. But those feelings were something he’d have to deal with at another time.

As far as where they stood and what the future held for them, if anything at all, Liam wasn’t sure. They needed to focus on one thing at a time, and right now, that was rebuilding a foundation from scratch and getting themselves back to a certain place for Sophia’s sake.

“I know we have things we need to discuss and figure out,” Liam said. “I’m here … and your home is in New York, so—”

“I’ll stay here,” Amara interrupted.

Liam reared back and furrowed his brows. “What?”

“Now that her existence has been made public … I don’t think anyone here would approve of me taking her back to the States, including your council.” Amara took in a shuddered breath. “We both know that if it came down to it and they pushed you hard enough … you’d be able to keep her here …”

Liam felt a tightening in his chest and his own wave of guilt crashed over him as his mind flashed back to the last conversation they had in his study a month ago and what he’d said to her.

“By all technicality — because of who I am, who she is, and where you happen to be right now — I have every legal right to keep Sophia with me. I don’t want it to come to that, but if you try to leave with her, I will do what I need to do to not only ensure the safety of my child but that I maintain a relationship with her as well. Do not put me in a position where I have to show you how much power I truly wield, Amara, because you will never look at me the same again.”

Liam had been so angry and emotional during that conversation that he hadn’t even realized the vehement threat his words truly were. And it was clear she hadn’t forgotten them, either. “You know I would never do that to you, right?” he asked, and she looked at him apprehensively. “I’d never keep her with me out of spite, Amara. What I said when we last spoke … I said out of anger … out of fear and uncertainty. But I need you to believe that I wouldn’t — I couldn’t do that to you or her.”

“That aside … I don’t … I don’t want to take her away from you, Liam,” Amara shook her head. “I don’t want to take any more time away from you. I don’t want her to go weeks or months without seeing you. I don’t want to put either of you through that.”

“But what about your life there? Your company?”

“What’s best for her is to have access to you, so my life there doesn’t matter. As far as the company … I don’t know. I have to look into some things … but that’s not exactly at the top of my list of priorities at the moment.”

To say Liam was surprised would be an understatement. Not that he was complaining; he wasn’t. Knowing that she was willing to stay there to allow him to see and be with Sophia any time he wanted … he was beyond grateful. But the way in which she was so willing to uproot her entire life without an ounce of hesitation left a heavy weight on his chest.

Was Amara willing to do it because she wanted to or was this a choice she made out of guilt, a choice she’d come to regret in the future?

“We can talk about it, Amara. We don’t need to jump to any decisions right now.”

“I’m not … I’m not jumping to decisions. I’ve thought about it. This is what needs to be done … for both you and Sophia.”

“And what about you?” Liam asked, and she looked at him questioningly. “I appreciate you being willing to do that. Truly, I do. And I’d be lying if I said I don’t want that because after this past month, the idea of not seeing her every day … It’s not easy to imagine. But I also don’t want you to give up your life because you feel like you have to.”

“Sophia is my life, Liam.” Amara’s breath stuttered again, and if he didn’t already know, the conviction in her tone would have made him believe it. “I don’t have much I’d be leaving behind in New York—”

“I think Daniel might take offense to that,” Liam cut in with a quip in hopes of lessening the tension in the air. He thought he saw the corner of her mouth begin to curl, but it was gone a heartbeat later.

“I just mean … Sophia has more here than she does there. She has family here, more of a support system. And most importantly … you. And you being … you and who you are … you don’t have the luxury of making this kind of sacrifice. I do. I won’t be the reason you two miss out on time together … not again. So I will stay.”

It was clear her mind had been made up and Liam wasn’t about to argue it. Truthfully, it was something that had been on his mind a lot over the past month, wondering what was going to happen and how things would work when she left — not if she left because he had every reason to believe she would. Now, it was like a weight had been lifted. He still wanted her to know that it was her choice, however.

“If that’s what you want to do … and you’re sure …”

Amara nodded. “It is. And I am.” She swiped the tissue against her stuffy nose. “I have things I’ll need to figure out … like finding a place … and I’ll have to make a trip or two to New York to tie up some loose ends and get our things, but …”

“Finding a place and getting your things is nothing you need to rush to figure out or do,” Liam said. “You’re more than welcome to stay right here for as long as you want and need. And when you need to go to New York, the jet will be at your disposal.” He heard her let out a subtle scoff, but it wasn’t subtle enough. “What?”

Amara shook her head and glanced away from him, chewing the inside of her lower lip to keep it from trembling as her emotions started to get the better of her again. “I don’t know why or how you’re being so nice to me,” she said through a cracked whisper.

Liam mindlessly slipped his hand into hers. “Because I care about you,” he said, not an ounce of hesitation in his tone, and she looked at him again. “You’re the mother of my child, Amara … I’m not going to cast you away. As I said … I don’t want to dwell on the past. I want to focus on Sophia … on the here and now.” When she glanced down at their intertwined hands, he cleared his throat and gently pulled his hand away. “I know we have a lot more we need to talk about … but for now …” He was sure she still had questions and worries regarding the statement now being released, what exactly that meant, and the next steps. He had his own. But they could deal with those another time; he didn’t have all of the answers at the moment anyway. She nodded her understanding and agreement. “How about, if you’re feeling up to it … you join Sophia and me for dinner tonight.”

Amara glanced at him again, seeing in his eyes the invitation for exactly what it was. An olive branch. A first step. “Ok.”

Liam nodded. “I have some things I need to do, so no need to rush. Take your time.” With that, he stood, looking down at her. “I’ll see you in a little while.”

****

Standing beneath the spray of the shower, Amara let the hot water run over her, hoping to wash away her tension and exhaustion so she could appear somewhat put together at dinner. It had been a couple of hours since Liam had left and she’d still been struggling to get her emotions under control as she replayed their conversation over and over in her head.

When Amara opened the door and saw Liam standing on the other side, she didn’t know exactly what to make of it after the month of silence between them. She assumed he’d be even more angry with her than he already was given the statement made that morning, half-expecting him to yell that it wasn’t what he had wanted and that she had no right to interfere.

Instead, Liam had decided that he wanted to let bygones be bygones. In a surprising twist Amara didn’t see coming, he’d forgiven her. She was still trying to wrap her mind around it, to make sense of it. Yes, she understood his reasoning for wanting to leave everything in the past and saying that it was the only way they could move forward, but given what she had done … what she had kept from him … his forgiveness felt undeserving. She would need to try, however, to do what he asked … try to forgive herself, if not for him, for Sophia.

Amara tilted her head back, letting the water hit her face and wash away the tears that continued to fall. She turned so the spray hit her hair as she took in a breath and let it out slowly.

****

After drying her hair and getting dressed, Amara stepped out of her bedroom inside the north wing and walked down the hall toward the living area; she didn’t know what time Liam wanted her to meet him.

As she neared the entryway, Amara’s brows furrowed when she heard voices; when she stepped into the archway, she saw Liam sitting on the floor with Sophia as she played.

Liam’s eyes flickered up to see her, and he smiled sheepishly. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Sophia looked over her shoulder, and a toothy grin spread across her face as she turned and toddled toward her. “Mama!” she squealed with a clap of her hands.

Amara smiled, the first genuine smile Liam had seen from her in some time, as she bent down and scooped her into her arms. “Hi, baby girl.”

Sophia tucked her body into her mother as she rested her head on her shoulder. Liam smiled at the sight. “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion,” he said. “She was asking for you, so I figured I’d bring her down and just have the kitchen bring dinner here.”

“That’s fine,” Amara nodded. “And I don’t mind.”

Sophia’s head popped up from her mother’s shoulder and she turned toward the sound of Liam’s voice; another toothy grin emerged as she looked back at Amara, pointing at him. “Dada.”

“Yes,” Amara smiled, smoothing her hand over her hair as she kissed her cheek.

Sophia wriggled from Amara’s embrace a moment later; she set her down and she headed to Liam, falling into his lap and pointing. “Mama,” she said as she looked up at him with her big blue eyes.

“Uh-huh,” Liam chuckled with a nod.

Sophia looked back at Amara and pressed a tiny, stubby finger to Liam’s chest. “Dada.”

“Yes, baby,” Amara nodded, meeting his gaze. “That’s your daddy.”

Sophia continued to glance between the two of them as her broad grin grew. She carried on with alternating her pointing and making introductions that she didn’t understand weren’t needed.

Liam realized why she was doing it: it was the first time she had been with them in the same room together. It was as if some small part of her somehow knew and understood that this was how it was supposed to be.

The two of them met gazes again as Sophia pushed herself off Liam’s lap and started back toward Amara, both knowing.

****

After dinner, Amara sat on the sofa, watching Liam play with Sophia; he crawled around the floor chasing after her as she belly laughed. It was the first time she’d seen him in his role as a father, the first time she’d gotten to watch them interact together. And while it made her heart feel like it was going to burst at seeing how happy his presence made their daughter, it also brought a fresh wave of guilt from seeing what they both had missed out on because of her choices.

It was hard to imagine being able to move forward from her guilt when new bits of it added themselves to the already heaping pile. She remembered what Liam said, however … how the only way for them to move forward was to leave the past in the past.

Liam sat, chuckling when Sophia mimicked him and sat down, letting out a breath just as he did. A moment later, she yawned, and he glanced at his watch. “I suppose she should be getting ready for bed soon.”

“Yeah,” Amara nodded, not having realized what time it was.

“Can I still take her back to my quarters? Or do you want her to stay here?”

“She can go with you,” Amara replied. “She was supposed to stay with you tonight anyway.”

Liam nodded and looked back at Sophia. “You ready to get your pajamas on?” Sophia answered with another yawn, and he chuckled. “Come on, little love.”

Amara smiled at the term of endearment, feeling her eyes prick as she watched him stand and scoop Sophia up. She blinked the tears away as she rose from the sofa; she walked over and Liam tilted Sophia down so she could kiss her cheek. “Goodnight, baby girl.”

Liam headed for the door and Amara followed; when he stepped into the hall he turned to look at her. “You’re more than welcome to come join us for breakfast if you’d like.”

Amara stared at him for a moment before nodding. “Ok.”

“I’ll shoot you a text when she wakes up,” Liam smiled.

Amara nodded again, and he offered her one in return before he turned and headed down the corridor.

*******

“So … how have things been going?” Drake quietly asked Liam as they stood near the bar cart inside his quarters.

Liam glanced over his shoulder to where Amara sat on the sofa between Riley and Daniel while Sophia played in front of them; he’d invited everyone for dinner so both he and Amara could have some adult interaction besides the ones they had with each other. “Good,” he nodded, turning his attention back to pouring his drink. “We’re just … doing as much together with Sophia as we can.”

It had been a week since the statement and Liam and Amara’s talk. In hopes of letting some of the frenzy surrounding the news die down, he had taken that week to himself; it was more so to avoid having to leave the palace and deal with the press and the slew of questions he was sure they would throw his way.

Truthfully, Liam wasn’t sure exactly how to handle it. As Amara had suspected, any reports about the situation had focused more on her and what was considered her betrayal to the King than anything else; they painted her as the villain in the story, crucifying her for not only keeping a father from his child but an heir from its kingdom. He wasn’t sure how to go about taking the negative attention off of her that she had so willingly placed on herself.

Instead of worrying himself with a solution, Liam had spent the week working on rebuilding that foundation with Amara. They’d been together every day since their talk, spending time with Sophia within the confines of the palace. They alternated between his quarters and the north wing and Sophia staying with one or the other at night.

It was the moments when it was just the two of them that threw Liam for a loop, however. That first day after their talk, they agreed to both be there to do things together with Sophia, like put her to bed. And it was in those quiet moments once she was asleep in one of her rooms in either his quarters or the north wing that he found himself struggling most with his feelings. They always lingered behind for a half hour or so once Sophia was asleep, talking quietly, neither seeming eager to rush out the moment those little eyes were no longer watching. And he found himself hating how they went their separate ways after spending each day together as a family.

As much as Liam was enjoying that time with them all together, parting at the end of each day made it feel … not right in a sense. It felt like there was still something missing from the picture as a whole. He pushed those thoughts and feelings aside, however, knowing the importance of rebuilding that foundation before even thinking about venturing down that road.

“Riley’s been worried about her, but she seems better,” Drake noted as he gestured toward Amara.

“I told her we needed to leave the past in the past,” Liam replied. “She’s coming around.”

Amara did seem to be better in the time since their talk, but Liam could still sense the guilt weighing on her some. Save for the one or two moments when he’d caught her emotions getting the better of her, she did her best to mask it, however.

“And … things between you two?” Drake questioned.

“It hasn’t been brought up,” Liam responded. “We have other things to focus on at the moment.”

Drake nodded, knowing the quick response meant that Liam wanted to drop the subject. The two of them rejoined the others in the living area, sitting in the two armchairs across from the sofa.

While they talked over drinks and simultaneously played with Sophia, Riley couldn’t help that tendency — one no doubt drilled into her during her time working for Amara back in New York — to wonder what their next steps were as far as dealing with the aftermath of the statement.

“So,” Riley said, looking from Amara to Liam. “Have you guys figured out how you’re going to handle the press?”

Amara cast her gaze downward; she had no answer to give. They hadn’t talked about it at all and she wasn’t going to assume what Liam’s intentions were. She hadn’t even turned on the television or opened a newspaper since the statement was made, not wanting to see what was being said, but she had her guesses. Her first clue was the way Liam immediately turned off the television or made the newspapers vanish before she could catch a glimpse of the headlines each morning she’d met him and Sophia for breakfast; it was obvious he was trying to spare her feelings.

Liam looked at Amara for a moment before glancing at Riley. “I … I don’t know, honestly.” They all knew he’d intended for the statement to go much differently. “I don’t know how to get them to shift their … focus and attention.”

Amara knew by focus and attention that he meant her.

Liam’s eyes shifted to Daniel, half curious, half expectant. Daniel cleared his throat and shifted on the sofa. “Well … that’s going to depend entirely on you and what you want them to see.”

Amara glanced over at him and then at Liam, meeting his gaze for a moment before he looked back at Daniel. “What do you mean?”

“If you want them to focus on you raising your daughter as co-parents, you need to show them where your priorities are,” Daniel explained. “If you want the people and press to forgive her and move forward, then you need to show them that you’ve done the same.”

“By letting them see the three of us together,” Liam said in understanding.

Daniel nodded. “Wherever you go, the press is sure to follow to try and catch glimpses of you. And if you get tossed any questions, which we know is inevitable at this point once you step beyond the gilded gates of the palace, then you give them a brief account of the truth — that mistakes were made but you’re putting the past behind you because it’s what’s best for everyone involved, most importantly, Sophia. You can even toss in that you two are co-parenting amicably. And you leave it there and just focus on yourselves after that. They’ll have no choice but to follow suit eventually, especially when they’ll have no proof of the contrary. Plus, everyone loves a good comeback story … usually. So, hopefully doing that will draw in the attention that the press is looking for from the people.”

Liam and Amara met gazes, a silent understanding passing between them as they both nodded.

***************************************

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delizbin · 4 months

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One thing that always amazed me about The Hunger Games is the central role Cinna had with the rebellion.

The books are written with Katniss POV so we got a blind sided narrator for the first two books

Katniss has no idea how rooted and deep the rebellion is and she trusts Cinna because, lets say it, in the Capitol he’s probably the only one that looks human enough to Katniss.

She trusts him because he was kind to her , and she felt understood by him and I love Cinna, he’s an awesome complex character because he’s a gray character.

From Katniss point of view he only had her best interest in mind but actually… he got the nation interest at heart (first and foremost, he died for it). Why? We got zero information about his beliefs, except that he really wanted for the world to be better, which is noble of him, and I do believe he got fond of Katniss right away but because he saw hope in her. He literally saw the spark (duh) for a fire that’s been potentially burning for years now.

Although he did use a 16 year old, lulling her into trusting him, for a purpose. He literally was the spark that sparked the revolution, Katniss was only the face of it, and always had been. He knew he was sacrificing the girl’s life for a greater good. No matter who or what her desires were never heard. He must have known that the moment he was planning the wedding-turning into a mockingjay dress what he was actively doing.

Katniss knew nothing about it. She suspected it but she was 17 at the time and had no clue how big the thing would turn out to be. She just wanted to save her family and Peeta that was it, she never wanted to be anything else.

People that organized the revolution forced it to her and that is already pretty tragic per se. And all her existential crisis and loosing herself into a title are really well portrayed into the third book. She was just a kid.

And that’s the thing about Cinna, he was a friend yes, but also so much more that Katniss never even considered.

He was the reason she spoke up during interviews, he was the reason she became the face of the revolution and he was the reason she fired the nation. But it was never “she”.

He believed in her but for what she represented first of all…

It is very interesting indeed, I hope more people talked about his character because he’s both a martyr for the nation and an executioner for Katniss’ mental health.

Like… he’s the example of sacrificing one for a greater good. Either it be a young girl or himself.

#i think it really is interesting #like… we see him through katniss’ eyes as her only friend from the capitol but the truth is much much more complex #he saw a chance and took it right away #I bet in the first book he was genuinely moved about her story but then… well #things got a lot more complex #and he’s literally one of the most important characters of the book and never even considered #all hail cinna

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anteroom-of-death · 1 month

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Teacher's Pet part 17

Synopsis: The Doctor muses on the nature of what he could do, the reader is a willing accomplice to her own life.

A/n: first off, I'd like to thank @queerconfusionthings on the slightly darker tone of this chapter and our long talks about 12, it changed this chapter. You get me in a way precious others do...and to all my readers, yall are best. To my mutuals, I'd die for you. Especially those who don't share my needs here. Love u.

It started to border on experimental. So many untapped valleys and choices he could make now that his pet fawn was solidly by his side, and now bound to leave him, no matter how dire the situation or how many red flags or fears the ghosts of his past could bequeath to her. (Y/N) was firmly in his grasp. Perhaps indefinitely.

There were certain thought experiments that were hypothetical that he was taught at the academy. How to not just bind a weaker species to your mind not just in mind, but in blood. The facets of addiction was the singular universal trait of all sentient life in the cosmos. He admitted that he was becoming as addicted to her as she was to him, and those nasty substances she would take.

He was of half a mind to remove their influence on her body and substitute them for him. As they walked through Kew Gardens, he mused on that. Take the urge that crippled her for drinks and cigarettes to the point of clouding her thoughts at times, bind those starved out brain cells to the idea of him. The swap from nicotine and ethyl alcohol to the Doctor would he fairly easy to do.

Ultimately, after she flashed him a smile and kissed him on the cheek before heading to the loo, he decided against it. For now.

She was getting beyond handsy…almost to the point of him being begged to fuck her in public. Maybe the switch was happening naturally. The addiction to the physical was clearly getting stronger…

Wouldn’t he be so lucky?

He’d have another full-scale rifle in her mind soon to assess the current situation!

Maybe he was more like the Rani than he’d previously assessed…

Wouldn’t that just choke the life from Missy? Her precious parallels dashed in the face if him ending up much more like their estranged friend turned mutual foe.

Whatever the case in this poorly-plotted and infinitely nailed-out love story he was crafting, the Doctor was sure of one thing. His reputation as the universe’s biggest savior, it’s self-inserted martyr needed to stay intact. Missy knew to some extent. Missy could feel and reveled in his own self-corruption at the hands of this mere human.

Missy would, even if she wanted to escape, keep this secret. Their rivalry and comrades and millennia-long bond, despite how fucked up it was, or how many times they’d kill or fight one another was iron-clad.

Honor among thieves or something…

The idea of some sort of vivisection briefly clouded his vision as he saw her exit the toilets. She was beaming. She held her jacket in her hand and her teeth caught in the light.

He decided against that idea.

There were opportunities endlessly flowing out.

“Hey, I’m absolutely starving!” She pulled him by the ties on his hoodie. “Do you want to go to a pub after this? There’s got to be a really good one that does a lovely roast dinner or something.”

Totally clueless, totally obvious to the danger she was in. So fine-tuned to weird shadows and knew when a human man on the street was up to no good. She didn’t know that the real predator was getting the aglets of his hoodie flicked around.

Poor her. Poor little fawn. Fully in the wolf’s maw and her neck was already snapped. Lost in the too-dark woods, separated from her herd. Only the guidance of that would come had made a meal of her. And was toying her corpse out further…

He felt his cock stiffen.

Maybe he would take her tonight. Just until bleeding. See how far her dependence on her would go. Maybe degrade her a bit.

If he could, he would. Wasn’t it his right?

He did own her, after all. Everyone from the team at UNIT to that last scrappy remnant of Torchwood saw her over-the-moon, fully-tethered ache for him…

They all picked up on something far more grasping than mere companion in their relationship. He wasn’t risking her life and breaking her spirit on planets far outside her home solar system. A dark, full-bodied compatriot. An equal lover. Perhaps they would arrive at the conclusion of his idea of settling down on Earth.

Not like their human opinions mattered in the end…

“Yes, of course.” He returned her eager, lavish smile with one of his own.

He slammed these thoughts back in the dark chest that was his mind. For now he’d just play with her hormones and her mind. Just put them at maximum. Continue this charade.

Keep everyone and everyone in the dark…

It was a great rest of the day, a butterfly landed on her arm. She delicately picked it up to rest on her finger and it stayed put as if she was her own form of magic. The little insect crawled around and she led it to rest on his jacket.

“He’s probably picking up the sugar scrub I used last night.” She rationalized.

“Or you’re just preternaturally sweet.” He let out the cheesy line as it flicked itself off his being and flew into the air. She shot him a bemused sideways glance. When she finally got it off her finger and it was firmly on his being she slightly shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Obviously, it didn’t take a liking to him.

It’s instincts were far better tuned.

He took her to the closest pub. It wasn’t doing a roast dinner that night. She was put out, but ordered chips with a gin and tonic and some little sandwich thing.

His Earth girls really loved their chips.

Maybe that was his type? Little, bold Earth girls with loud minds that could devour nothing but chips for all eternity and be perfectly happy doing so.

He could live with that…

She went out for a cigarette and he mentally made contact with Missy.

She ‘picked up’ the mental receiver.

‘How goes London, you filthy old man?’ The words shot into his mind like an icicle from a roof.

‘Fine, just curious, how much attention did you pay to Professor Hedflonhorzthenethar’s lessons on groove-making in lesser species?’

‘Rapt, Doccy. Why?’

‘Send me your memories, I’ll Amazon a tuba to my office.’

Another betrayal of the morals he started this regeneration with…

‘Let me see you do it. I’ll only do it if you do it now and let me look through your eyes!’ It was sharp, it felt like she was beside him shouting it.

He gave her permission to see through his eyes. He sighed and whipped out his phone, ordered a tuba and closed up the connect to his eyes.

The entirety of her memories regarding the lessons pinged into his brain like an email or perhaps a text notification…

His little fawn slid back onto the barstool next to him as Missy closed the line…

‘Don’t break her yet! I want to be her friend! I’m so lonely!’

He could still feel her teasing pout lingering in his brain. Perhaps she left it as a taste of his own medicine.

“The night’s getting cooler.” (Y/N) informed.

“Pity, you’ll need to cover up.”

Her mind was clearly projecting images of her taking him to the toilets and fucking him in the stall. Loudly.

Her mind was wandering, she kept admiring the line of his brow and the way his fingers crossed over as he held the glass of Fanta he was slowly sipping. She needed him in ways that would shock perhaps even Captain Jack Harkness or perhaps that smaller, dark shadow that used to follow him around, John Hart was his name?

A pathetic kicked dog that craved the Captain’s attention…

Just like him and Missy.

He shook his head at that particular parallel.

Probably the advantage of dating someone in her profession. She knew what was avant-garde in sex!

Or at least for a human of her time period that had never been off-planet…

The Doctor let his mind wander into hers. Despite her clear projection, he wanted to see exactly what the damage of the last night was. She was chattering on about a philosophy book she picked up for between clients and for downtime at work. She completed it and wanted to share her critiques of it and her ways she’d probably improve upon the messages. As well as what she liked from it- she wasn’t all kvetching, no appreciation, after all.

In all honesty, he loved the wild tangential spin she loved. He felt some remorse about how deeply he had rummaged in her brain. She still was, in a sense, her own. Just now permanently entangled in his web. Like a rat in a glue trap, but only she didn’t grasp how sticky the glue was…. She was fully mentally tethered. He’d have to be more careful, he didn’t want to lose her, or push these experiences too deep. Losing this spark of ingenuity and tired vivaciousness would be a sin worse than anything else.

He swallowed another sip of his Fanta.

It seemed a bit shaken, but he swept those away. Kept them as salacious afterthought. Bonded the memories from today that were pleasant to her already aching neurotransmitters. Amped up her hormones a tad bit.

Anyone around her, even a stupid human could probably hear her mind now. It was both very intrigued by the subject matter of the book but also so desperately needy for her Doctor. He could feel her aching cunt and body responding from here. Anybody with a pulse could probably get her drift.

He'd probably, if anyone was sensitive enough, have to start beating them off with a stick!

That could be fun, lure her further. Let her know that she was only safe with him…

He ran the possibilities and scanned the bar, seeing if he could play any games.

Sadly not.

He decided against that for the moment.

Especially since something told him that she’d have precious little trouble fighting for herself. Unless he purposefully put her mind in a state of freeze, he doubted that a pub brawl based on her appearance would faze her. She, like most human girls, had been numbed to that sort of violence.

She’d probably have to come in and save him, by the looks of a few of the other patrons here…

He dissolved that idea. He couldn’t risk breaking his promise to her and regenerating on the spot if she was frozen, meant to witness. His superior genetics and all that may come with was no match for a gone-to-seed ex-rugby player nor someone who clearly worked security. As he finished his assessment of the crowd in the pub.

His mind games would have to play out in other ways still…

Just adjust the plans that he had. And take in the information Missy had pinged him.

The illusion of free will still reflected true, right?

His old pal, Plato did some allegory with a cave…sadly he wasn’t paying attention when the man was speaking. Missed the point, invented a self-lubricating spatula for flapjacks.

Oops.

He’d never say he was depriving her of that outright, no too controversial. Too salacious. Guidance, yes. A dual corruption arc? Definitely.

Daddy knows best, rung through his skull. An old line he told Kate about the poison to kill the Zygons…

Paternalistic? Yes.

How could he not be? A human is so young and weak compared to most species out there. Let alone him and his!

After all, he was her teacher. Her educator.

These thoughts, mixed with how strong she was fantasizing about fucking him, and her natural allure…he was shocked that he wasn’t bursting through his trousers, exposing himself to all to see.

He'd fuck her tonight. Not only did she clearly need it, but if he didn’t give in, he would probably act out.

He had fully surrendered himself to current path he was on. Yes.

He’d not destroy her entirely. Take away what enchanted him to her. That would be a sin graver than killing her outright. She had goals and dreams. They had discussed at such at length. He’d let her have those. So long as she’d never stray from his clingy side.

He half-wished he could summon a past version of himself, or perhaps a future without risking too much. Just to confer and pass back ideas.

All he had was Missy.

Or to sneak off and search for the Rani.

And they’d destroy him with zealous help.

No! He was alone in this path. Only solace was Missy and her enjoyment of his fawn and petty need to be good and please reform for her release. He walked his path utterly alone.

The evening wound itself up. The Doctor had to pounce. To claim what little of his fawn lay left unclaimed. Ruin her forever. Claim her indefinitely…

He paid their bill and ventured into the night.

A pep laid in his step, his cock still semi-stiff. He’d destroy her to rebuild her.

Teacher’s Pet.

He’d have his fun next term. Make her into a professor’s aide. Push her servile nature to him into a possibly public place. Show her off, perhaps even.

But for now? He was about ready to explode. His balls ached, and his hearts were full.

All in the name of love, right?

Or obsession…

Either way, still to have someone as alluring with such a firm form like (insert a description of your body, reader…) and a mind as hard in her ideals, but so easy to toy with?

Ecstasy…

#personal #doctor who #doctor who fanfiction #12th doctor #12th doctor x reader #12th doctor x you #you x 12th doctor #reader x 12th doctor #uhhhhh #yea #self insert #peter capaldi #yay #teacher student #i wrote this #i am not responsible for your milage may vary #hahaha

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palestinian-fundraising · 5 days

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PLEASE READ AND REBLOG🇵🇸

SAVE FATMA ALHOUPI‘S LIFE AND HER FAMILY IN RAFAH

Message from creator:

Hey I am Sarah from Berlin,Germany. I am collecting money for my friend Fatma that lives in Rafah Gaza. If you need social media accounts to verify this gofundme. IG: Mine: sarahlocke_ Fatma Account: fatma.alhoupi, TIKTOK: fatma’s account mydiary4112 my account: curlysarahberlin

The first gofundme that was made for her was enabled by her own friend Adham Alshabati!

He said to her that he paid 42% tax from the 25,000 that was raised .We can’t assure if it is true or not but at the moment we need to make another campaign because at the moment there is no trust at all! This campaign is for saving the lives of this family only!

This here is Fatma’s story:

Hello, I am Fatma Osama Alhoupi I’m from Gaza a daughter of 51 years old widow (Rawia Saadi Rosros) , I have 4 sisters and 2 Brothers, Since my father martyred in 2008 war my mother was left with 7 orphans to raise and educate alone , she became our father and mother, she bult us our safe home and provided for us everything we dreamed of, we never felt in need until the 7th of October Our lives started to get worse and worse and our home is not safe anymore Because of the continuous Bombing in rafah, our future is completely destroyed ,

Since this war started there have been So many horrible changes , one of them is the amount of money we pay to be able to travel from Egypt/Rafah Border

Before the war:

100-150$ for 1 person

After the war:

5000-7000$ for 1 person

After that we felt trapped for not being able to travel and save our lives and future because of this insane amount of money that we won’t be able to save even after 7 years from now .

ao we are going to use this money to evacuate to safety and start a new life out of Gaza

So I’m reaching out to Anyone who’s able to to contribute in helping me and my family.

My 18 year old sister(Saja Osama Al-houpi ) is in her Senior year of high school (Tawjihi) She wants to finish School and Be a Chimstury scientist And my 17 years old sister (Taima Osama Al-houpi ) is in her second year of high school , she was diagnosed with (Deviation of the cornea ) when she was born the Doctors said she needs 2 operations one she had in 2012 and the other one Because it’s dangerous she have to do it when she turns 18(next year) , in these days she won’t be able to finish her next operation in Gaza even after 5 years from now , She is also a very talented digital Artist, Who dreams to be a Psychiatrist After finishing School and College, But Unfortunately both of their dreams will not come to life Since all schools now are Shelter for displaced people from all over Gaza Strip , and Sadly all the Universities and Colleges are completely destroyed as will as their futures .

My Oldest Brother (Qusay Osama Al-houpi ) 29 years-Unmarried, Graduated with a bachelor’s degree in (Specialization: Radiologist), he had passion since he was younger in Fish breeding, so he started his own business on selling House fish and made his own small Fish farm but Due to the Cut of Electricity and lack of fish food all his farm died , his passion and source of income died too.

‏My 26 years old sister (Mozna Osama Al-houpi ), Graduated with Bachelor degree in medical laboratory, She couldn’t practice her profession Due to destruction of 90% in the health system in Gaza which is necessary in her specialty to be able to have a job, She is Also A very talented SFX, And dreams to be a famous makeup Artist and start her own makeup Brand

My 24 years old sister (salma Osama Al-houpi ) she is a specialized nutrition with Bachelors degree, she started her own Online business of making Pearl women bags and She was about to finish her last year then graduate and receive her university degree, But the war turned her degree, university and business into ashes.

My 20 years old Brother (Mohammed Osama Al-houpi ) he is a Refugee in Greece he has left Gaza a year ago to make his own future since he didn’t see One for himself here in Gaza.

‏Last but not least, Me (Fatma Osama Al-houpi ) I’m a 23 years old Talented visual&digital Artist I graduated from college As A graphic designer, I spent the last 6 years working on my self and developing my skills by joining So many Art workshops, I started my own business in making handmade woman’s clay Accessories at the age of 20 it was my source of income beside selling my paintings,as I wanted to be independent and have my own money, this was my passion which I thought It will thrive to be global with my continues hard work , but this war left me Broken about all the effort I’ve put and with a blink of an eye everything vanished.

Since most of my family are Entrepreneurs and rely on our own business money by 80% , we are left now with a very hard time, we are Planning to start a new life and finish my 2 sisters education at least till Gaza livability gets better, and by your help and donations you can save my family before it’s too late.

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alwaysrememberjesus · 8 months

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The Importance of Evangelism (2)

“The Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.” Ac 2v47 NKJV

The church has only two options: evangelize or fossilize. When we fail to share our faith with those outside the church, we either end up in a holding pattern or in death throes.

The New Testament church’s growth is described in these words: “The Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.” Not only did they influence every level of society, but their enemies said, “These who have turned the world upside down have come here too” (Ac 17:6 NKJV).

Question: If your church closed its doors tomorrow, would anyone other than your congregation notice the difference?

Think about those early believers. Their assignment seemed geographically impossible; most people still believed the world was flat. They had no air travel, radio, television, printing presses, internet, social media, or any other modern means at their disposal for communicating the gospel. It seemed legally impossible; they were forbidden by the government authorities to speak in Jesus’ name. And it seemed socially impossible; after all, who would really listen to a bunch of Galileans, devoid of culture and class? Yet they were witnesses through the power of the Holy Spirit, and people did listen. They did so much with so little, and we seem to do so little with so much.

It’s said that if just 10 percent of the members in the average church got serious about evangelism, their church would double in one year. By the way, the word translated “witness” is the same word from which we get our English word martyr. These early believers reached the world for Christ because they were willing to lay down their lives for His cause. You must be too.

#devotional #god #jesus #christ #holy spirit #bible #scripture #christianity #faith #prayer #love #grace #mercy #evangelism #daily devotional

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fanfiction-artist-prototype · 1 year

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Screaming, crying, throwing up .

Just had to read the words "Katniss Everdeen was toxic af" from a 26 year old woman.

No she's not fucking "toxic", she's a teenager from a mfing dystopia, from the slums of the slums of the slums, who was thrown into a DEATH MATCH at 16 so her little sister wouldn't be, who had to watch one of the only people she trusted be killed, won the FUCKING DEATH MATCH with a boy she didn't know and tolerated because they used each other to survive.

And then was thrown into said DEATH MATCH AGAIN with the same boy who is he tentative friend who she might have to kill because she wants to go home to her mother and sister and oh by the way it's a DEATH MATCH ANNIVERSARY

AND THEN SHE NEARLY DIES

HER FRIENDS ARE LEFT BEHIND IN THE DEATH MATCH

She's thrown into a martyr role because all the adults in her life see her as a CHESS PIECE because she is not emotionally or intellectually ready to be a leader but is FORCED TO BY EVERYONE AROUND HER IN THIS SECRET SUBSECT OF SOCIETY WHO HAVE THE FUCKING CAPABILITY TO BE HELPING BUT HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LIVE SEPERATE TO PREPARE FOR WAR AGAINST THE OTHER CENTRAL FACTION-

AND THEN SHE GETS HER FRIENDS BACK AND HER BEST FRIEND TRIES TO MURDER HER BECAUSE HE'S BEEN BRAINWASHRD. SHE IS AT MOST 18 BUT PROBABLY CLOSER TO 17 WHEN THIS HAPPENS. SHE IS CONTINUED TO BE MADE A MARTYR AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DO NOT SEE HER AS SUCH ARE HER SISTER, AND THE PEOPLE ALSO MADE INTO MAYTRS!

THEN SHES ONCE MORE THROWN TO THE DOGS BECAUSE SHES USED AS A SYMBOL AND THROWN INTO A WAR SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FIGHT.

BUT SHE DOES. SHE DOES FIGHT IT, AND KILLS PEOPLE, BUT SHE DOESNT WANT TO KILL PEOPLE THATS THE ENTIRE MESSAGE THE LAST 2 BOOKS!

THEN EVERYTHING GETS WORSE AND SHE SEES THE REANIMATED CORPSES OF PAST CONTESTANTS AND DEAD FRIENDS TURNED INTO MONSTERS THAT TRIED TO KILL HER IN THE FIRST BOOK, THEN SHE IS FORCED TO HELP OVER THROW THE GOVERNMENT BUILDING.

SHE THEN WATCHES HER SISTER DIE BEFORE HER EYES AS A CONSEQUENCE OF THE ACTIONS OF HER OLDEST FRIEND WHO SHE TOLD WAS ACTING AGAINST HIS PRINCIPLES

AND THEN HAS TO BE TREATED LIKE AN INVALID BY THE PEOPLE WHO EXPECTED HER TO BE A GOOD LITTLE PUPPET AND COMES TO THE CONCLUSION THAT SHE HAS PARTICIPATED IN THE KILLING OF INNOCENTS IN THE NAME OF ONE DICTATOR WHO INTENDS TO REPLACE THE CURRENT ONE.

SHE IS 18 AT MOST WHEN SHE IS TOLD TO EXECUTE THE PREVIOUS DICTATOR ON LIVE TELEVISION, A MOCKERY MADE OF HER RESOVE TO SURVIVE THE HUNGER GAMES ON LIVE TV, AND THEN SHE MUST MAKE THE CHOICE TO KILL THE BEAST SHE KNOWS OR PREVENT THE ONE SHE KNOWS WILL COME. AND KILLS THE DICTATOR THAT WOULD TAKE THE CURRENT ONES PLACE.

ISOLATING HER FROM ANY HELP AND SANCTUARY. AND SHE MUST LIVE THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH ALL THAT TRAUMA ON TOP OF BEING THE SOLE CARE PROVIDER FOR A FAMILY OF 3 IN A TRAUMATIC POVERTY STRICKEN STATE WHERE CHILDREN ARE PICKED EACH YESR TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR ENTERTAINMENT BEFORE THE EVENTS OF THE FIRST 3 BOOKS.

BUT YES TELL ME HOW SHE'S "TOXIC AF" AND NOT A TRAUMATISED CHILD WHO WAS COLD AND ANGRY AND SCARED-

#hunger games #rant

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izzyspussy · 5 months

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My Whumptober 2023 Fills Masterlist

Day 1: Our Love Is God, Ed/Izzy + Swooning Izzy was the Other Woman (in need of rescue and/or threatening) first. Rated M.

Day 2: things above the ground, Richie & The Losers + Delirium [the one where Richie gets sick and hallucinates Pennywise]

Day 3: Kill Shelter, Izzy & The Crew + Solitary Confinement (Not) Hornigold used to use solitary confinement for punishment. But Ed's not like Hornigold. They're so different, in fact, you could even say they're opposites. Rated E.

Day 5: my lamb and martyr (this will be over soon), Ed/Izzy + Pinned Down Izzy gives Edward another piece of himself. At request. Rated M.

Day 6: At Capacity, Ed/Izzy(/Frenchie) + Made to Watch Blackbeard calls Frenchie into his cabin while he's... doing stuff to Izzy. It's a test. There's no right answer. Rated E.

Day 7: it won't cost much, Izzy & The Crew + Radio Silence [the one where Izzy goes psychologically mute]

Day 9: Plan to Entangle, Frenchie/Izzy + "You're a liar." When the crew insists despite Ed's violent protestations that love is real - Izzy's love, in particular - he demands that one of them make the ultimate sacrifice to prove it. Rated E.

Day 12: another kind of love, Ed/Izzy + Insomnia Ed wakes up from the nightmare in Stede's arms. He knows in reality it's just his own sweat, but he feels like he still has Izzy's blood on his hands, dripping down his face where Izzy in the dream had touched him for the last time. Rated T.

Day 13: Just A Word (I Heard), Ed & Izzy + "I don't feel so good." Ed and Izzy have a talk the morning after their night in pink. Rated T.

Day 15: A Lot to Unpack, Izzy & The Crew + "I'm fine." The crew finally get a chance to Talk It Through, like Izzy wanted. Sort of. Rated T.

Day 17: [untitled], Jamie/Cheryl Barnaby + Touch Aversion [the one where Cheryl wins Jamie in the charity auction when he's just come back to Richmond; on his "date" with her he gets nervous and upset and traumadumps on her, and she backs off and comforts him and has a grown-up kink and consent sex ed 2.0 talk with him. He feels so much better he wants to be intimate, so they hook up. She tells him he can brag, which he does to everyone else's chagrin.]

Day 18: where we begin and end, Ed/Stede/Izzy + Blindfold [the one where Ed and Stede blindfold Izzy and pretend he can't tell which one of them is touching him, because Ed is insecure about treating Izzy nicely] Rated E.

Day 20: hold me fast, Izzy & The Crew + Found Family The grey area is gone. After this, Izzy is one of them. Rated T.

Day 21: [untitled], Ed/Izzy + "Don't move." [the one where Ed does verbal bondage dub con apology body worship on Izzy instead of just saying sorry like a normal person] Rated E.

Day 25: The Changing Water, Ed & The Crew + Storm [the one where they hit a storm and have no choice but to have Ed steer even though it makes everyone very upset] Rated T.

Day 26: don't start counting, Roy/Jamie + Working to Exhaustion [the one where Roy overworks Jamie as a negotiated non-sexual BDSM punishment, that turns sexual during aftercare] Rated E.

Day 27: Light The Candle, Stede/Izzy + Scars When Stede accidentally spills candlewax on Izzy, his first pirating lesson becomes a kink lesson instead. Rated E.

Day 28: ghostin', Izzy & Ivan + "You'll have to go through me." While tending to his amputation wounds, Ivan warns Izzy that he and some of the other crew members brought over to the Revenge from the Queen Anne are planning a mutiny and invites him to join them. Izzy refuses, as Ivan knew he would. But he had to offer. Rated T.

Day 29: that four letter word, Roy/Jamie + "What happened to me?" Jamie doesn't want to be the first to say it out loud. He asks Roy to say it for him. Rated T.

Day 30: Foreshadow, Roy/Jamie + Bridal Carry Cartrick is too intimidated to tell Rupert no. Rated T.

Day 31: [untitled], Jamie & Isaac + "Take it easy." [the one where Jamie tries to get one of Isaac's legendary haircuts, but has a panic attack instead] Rated T.

Alternate #2: some place where there isn't any trouble, Jamie & AFC Richmond + Aftermath of Failure When AFC Richmond is in Manchester to play United, Jamie Tartt turns up at their hotel looking like a puppy left in the rain. Rated T.

Alternate #3: Final Round, Jamie & James + Brass Knuckles Jamie doesn't just fight back this time. He wins. Rated M.

Alternate #9: Tusk, Ed/Izzy + Drugging [the one where Izzy does rhino horn with Ed out of desperation to spend some time with him and it gives him a headache] Rated T.

Alternate #11: [untitled], Roy/Jamie + Panic [the one where Roy has Phoebe at the club because she's out of school for behavior and he yells at her and makes a sudden movement towards her in front of the lads. Jamie says "Don't do that," and Roy stops but tries to say Phoebe's fine with it until she bursts into tears. He immediately apologizes to her, frantically, mentioning what Jamie said about grabbing for her. She 'corrects' him, saying Jamie actually told him not to yell at her. He agrees of course, apologizes again, gives her a big hug, promises he won't anymore. Then he notices that Jamie is having a time of it, with his whole head stuck into his cubby. He sends Phoebe off to see the other coaches to 'decide on his punishment for upsetting her' and then asks Jamie if he owes him an apology too. Jamie insists Roy didn't do anything to him. Roy insists he does; he hurt Phoebe's feelings yelling at her, and he scared Jamie making that sudden move. He comes closer to apologize, touches Jamie's shoulder very lightly, and Jamie jumps hard enough to hit his head on the cubby. He curls his arms around his head, still in the cubby, but Roy slowly manages to pull him out, saying "Let me see." He tells Jamie he's sorry and gives him a big hug too.]

Alternate #12: Among Thieves, Lucius/Izzy(/Ed/Pete) + Broken When Ed tries to ask Izzy if he still loves him but chickens out and asks if he still belongs to him instead, Izzy gets understandably pissed and suggests to Lucius that since pushing Ed overboard didn't make him feel better he should try stealing from him. Specifically, he should take something Ed hasn't properly appreciated having. Like Izzy. Rated E.

Alternate #13: American Spelling, Roy/Jamie(/Keeley) + Miscommunication [the one where Roy wrongfully assumes Jamie has a daddy kink]

Alternate #15: The Nines, Ed & Izzy & Jim + Reluctant Whumper [the one that's a split scene of Hornigold making Ed whip Izzy in the past + Ed making Izzy whip Jim during the Kraken era] Rated M.

View the Full Collection on AO3 -> (Collection includes bookmarks of Whumptober fics by others that I recommend!)

#jack facts #my fic #ofmd #izzy hands #blackhands #ouizzy #stizzy #ted lasso #jamie tartt #royjamie #sprigghands #whumptober #whumptober 2023

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dystopicjumpsuit · 1 year

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Fic Masterlist

Hello there.

Thanks for stopping by! This is my masterlist of Star Wars fics. I'll update it as I publish new works. Please note that most of my fics contain mature content and are intended for readers over 18. Enjoy, and feel free to drop a comment any time; I love connecting with fellow readers and writers. May the Force be with you!

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🍋 indicates mature content 🍋

My AO3

Longfics

Stars Beyond Number. (AO3 link, complete)

Soldiers. Heroes. Deserters. Traitors. They've been called many things. As the Galactic Empire rises from the ashes of the Republic, a small group of clone troopers and their allies will find a new identity: Rebels.

Echo, Rex, and Gregor are on a mission to save as many of their brothers as they can. The task is daunting, and their friends are few. But from these small and desperate beginnings will come a spark of resistance that will set the galaxy ablaze.

Cerra Kilian GAR Personnel Datafile

Martyrs and Kings. (AO3 link, complete) Star Wars meets light academia. A post-stasis Kix longfic. Clone medic Kix is a man displaced in time. Captured by Separatists and put into cryostasis when he learned the truth about the clones' inhibitor chips, he awakens fifty years after the end of the Clone Wars. The Republic is gone. The galaxy has changed. And now, the last clone trooper searches for answers with the help of a New Republic historian.

🍋 "Martyrs and Kings AND ZOMBIES!!!" 🍋 - a spooky, sexy one-shot sequel.

Jedi

Cal Kestis

Request: "Cuddles of consolation after a bad day" (GN)

501st Legion

Rex x Reader

🍋 "No Sleep Till Coruscant" 🍋

Request: "Soft looks while cuddling" (GN)

Jesse x Reader

Jesse First Kiss Ficlet (GN)

🍋 "In Which Jesse Gets What He Deserves" (AKA the cuddlefuck fic) 🍋

🍋"She's Such a Scream"🍋

Hardcase x Reader

"A Question of Seman-dicks" (GN)

"Hey, Sunshine 💙" (GN)

Dogma x Reader

Quote prompt ficlet (GN)

Tup x Reader

Tup fanart!

🍋 "Do It Again" 🍋

🍋 "Tup à Trois"🍋

The Bad Batch

Hunter x Reader

First kiss ficlet (GN)

🍋 "I Wish All Readers a Very Hunter Life Day"🍋

Crosshair x Reader

"I Know." (GN)

"The Plant Prowler of Pabu" (GN)

Tech x Reader

Request: "Feeling the rumble of their chest when they talk while cuddling/Needing their cuddles even though they have something else to do" (GN)

Request: "Putting your ear against their heart" (GN)

Wrecker x Reader

Request: "Trying to crawl under their shirt" (GN)

212th Attack Battalion

Commander Cody x Reader

"Someday" (GN)

🍋"The Night Before Someday"🍋 (GN)

Boil x Reader

"Double, Double Boil and Trouble (Part 1)" (GN)

"Double, Double Boil and Trouble (Part 2)"

"Double, Double Boil and Trouble (Part 3)"

🍋"Double, Double Boil and Trouble (Part 4)🍋

Art: "Boil deserves to feel pretty" (mildly 🍋. Let's say 🍊)

🍋"Double, Double Boil and Trouble (Part 5)"🍋

Waxer x Reader

"The Sixth Language (part 1)"

"The Sixth Language (part 2)"

"The Sixth Language (part 3)"

🍋 "The Sixth Language (part 4)" 🍋

"The Sixth Language (epilogue)"

104th Battalion - Wolfpack

Wolffe x Reader

"Sweet as Summer Rain"

🍋"Just a Little Bit More"🍋

Other Clones

Alpha-17 x Reader

🍋"Who's the Alpha Now?" 🍋 (GN)

🍋"Who's the Alpha Now? Part 2"🍋

Hound x Reader

🍋 “Watch and Learn, City Boy 🍋

T version | 🍋 E version 🍋

Neyo x Reader

🍋 "Everybody Hates Neyo." 🍋

🍋 "Everybody Hates Neyo Round 2: Matchmaking Boogaloo" 🍋 (reader got converted to OC)

Neyo first kiss ficlet (GN)

Mayday x Reader

Accidental first kiss ficlet (GN)

"A Match for Mayday, Chapter 1" (collaboration with @nika6q)

"A Match for Mayday, Chapter 2"

🍋"A Match for Mayday, Chapter 3" 🍋

🍋"A Match for Mayday, Chapter 4" 🍋

O'Niner x Reader

🍋 "Nine Lives for Sergeant O'Niner" 🍋 (cowritten with @anxiouspineapple99)

Sev (RC-1207) x Reader

"Are You Sure About This?" (GN)

🍋 “Turn It Up When You’re Gone.” 🍋 Part 1

🍋 “Turn It Up When You’re Gone.” 🍋 Part 2

🍋 “Turn It Up When You’re Gone.” 🍋 Part 3

Mandalorians

Jango Fett x Reader

"Promises and Pastry"

Fenn Rau x Reader

🍋 Fenn Rau Thots 🍋

"The Protector of Chopper Base" (GN)

Please don't put my work through AI programs or repost elsewhere. Also, if you’d like custom dividers, feel free to send a request via DM or Ask; I love designing these! But please don’t use mine without permission.

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officialyourdailyinspiration · 7 months

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The Lamb Breaks the Seals

The first rider: conquest

1 Then I watched while the Lamb broke one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice of thunder, “Come out!”

2 I looked, and before my eyes was a white horse. Its rider carried a bow, and he was given a crown. He rode out conquering and bent on conquest.

The second rider: War

3 Then, when the Lamb broke the second seal, I heard the second living creature, cry, “Come out!”

4 And another horse came forth, red in colour. Its rider was given power to deprive the earth of peace, so that men should kill each other. A huge sword was put into his hand.

The third rider: Famine

5a When the Lamb broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, “Come out!”

5b-6 I looked again and there before my eyes was a black horse. Its rider had a pair of scales in his hand, and I heard a voice which seemed to come from the four living creatures, saying, “A quart of wheat for a shilling, and three quarts of barley for a shilling—but no tampering with the oil or the wine!”

The fourth rider: Death

7 Then, when he broke the fourth seal I heard the voice of the fourth living creature cry, “Come out!”

8 Again I looked, and there appeared a horse sickly green in colour. The name of its rider was death, and the grave followed close behind him. A quarter of the earth was put into their power, to kill with the sword, by famine, by violence, and through the wild beasts of the earth.

The cry of the martyrs in Heaven

9-10 When the Lamb broke the fifth seal, I could see, beneath the altar, the souls of those who had been killed for the sake of the Word of God and because of the faithfulness of their witness. They cried out in a loud voice, saying, “How long, O Lord, holy and true, until you judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?”

11 Then each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to be patient a little longer, until the number of their fellow-servants and of their brethren, who were to die as they had died, should be complete.

The wrath of God

12-17 Then I watched while he broke the sixth seal. There was a tremendous earthquake, the sun turned dark like coarse black cloth, and the full moon was red as blood. The stars of the sky fell upon the earth, just as a fig-tree sheds unripe figs when shaken in a gale. The sky vanished as though it were a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was jolted out of its place. Then the kings of the earth, and the great men, the captains, the wealthy, the powerful, and every man, whether slave or free, hid themselves in caves and among mountain rocks. They called out to the mountains and the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb! For the great day of his wrath has come, and who is able to stand against it?” — Revelation 6 | J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS) The New Testament in Modern English by J.B Phillips copyright © 1960, 1972 J. B. Phillips. Cross References: Genesis 3:8; Genesis 4:10; Exodus 29:12; Deuteronomy 4:10; Deuteronomy 32:43; 1 Samuel 6:20; Psalm 2:12; Psalm 76:7; Proverbs 5:5; Isaiah 2:10; Isaiah 13:10; Isaiah 34:4; Isaiah 54:10; Jeremiah 4:24; Jeremiah 14:12; Ezekiel 4:16; Hosea 10:8; Joel 2:31; Nahum 3:12; Zechariah 1:8; Zechariah 6:2-3; Zechariah 6:6; Matthew 10:34; Matthew 24:7; Matthew 27:66; Luke 15:22; John 1:29; Acts 20:24; Revelation 4:6,7 and 8

#the white horse #war #famine #terror #cry of the martyrs #Revelation 6 #Book of Revelation #PHILLIPS #J.B. Phillips New Testament Bible #New Testament in Modern English by J.B Phillips

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gremlinbabe · 1 year

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Teen wolf head canons part 1 :

Derek isn’t Eli’s birth father but his adoptive father.

Laura Hale is actually Eli’s birth mom, which still makes Eli a Hale just not Derek’s direct kid.

Context: *Derek is 23 in the pilot, is approximately 26 in season six but he’s 35 in the teen wolf movie*

*Eli is 15 years old. Meaning that Eli was born when Derek was 20 & Laura who was 25-26 was most likely pregnant in ny when Derek was 19.*

So if Derek was theoretically the dad, the mom couldn’t be Paige or Kate because it’s already past that time frame & it can’t be Jennifer or Breadon because It’s too early to match the timeframe of Derek being 20 When Eli born.

Now let’s set the stage for pre-pilot:

Laura (21-22) who is now the new alpha after the Hale fire. She comes back from college only to find her super traumatized 16 yr old brother & her uncle (27-28) in a coma. The sheriff helps her and Derek take care of all there arrangements of funerals burials, the formal adoption of Derek, and lodgings for her uncle cuz he’s not waking up no time soon. All because Laura use to babysit stiles and he’d seen both hales growing up over the years enough that he met their parents and him and Claudia eventually became friends with the Hales. And he felt he owed it to those kids to help them out.

Laura tried to wait out peter’s coma hoping he’d wake up but something is wrong so her and Derek stay in beacon hills. But within a year and a half the Hale fire happened, her uncles in a coma, Malia Tate is missing (birth mom tried to assassinate her and she shifted into a coyote) and her mom and sister died from an “animal attack”, and the sheriffs wife getting sick and dying outta no where of dementia (most likely cuz her unrealized magic mutated cuz of nematon or nogitsune) leaving the man a single father of a 10 yr old stiles who turns into a mean alcoholic so can’t help them at all in that moment.

So Laura makes an executive decision to get Peter longer term care and gets her and Derek the hell outta beacon hills and moves them across country to Ny because she deems it too unsafe and needs to protect the last of her pack.

(All that happening back to back should’ve been some warning signs that some shit was happening w the nematon even back then. But the only family who could’ve figured that out early on was burned out and the only eldest surviving member that could’ve possibly had any idea was in a coma.)

Now Laura & Derek are in ny probably 22-23 & 17 and Derek’s probably realizing it was Kate and not an electrical fire and swears off ppl cuz he’s a lil martyr and treats himself poorly as SH & Laura realizes and put him in therapy and herself so she can lead by example.

They start doing a lot better, Laura meets someone at 23-24 most likely in college or a job & it goes really well. But doesn’t tell him about werewolves for safety reasons & Laura(25-26) was most likely pregnant while Derek was 19.

When Derek is 20 her baby is born and Laura lets him pick the name because he’s been doing amazing in therapy. He goes with Elias (for that one kid Laura use to baby sit with the name too hard to pronounce, who’s mother called him mischief, who talked his ear off, who was named after his grandpa aka stiles) Abel (possibly the birth dads name) Hale

And Derek is so happy to be a uncle and Laura happy to be a mom and her bd apart of their growing lil pack. * so much fluff & love & happiness and first steps*

Eli’s first word is my(mine) and if he deems it his he can & will steal whatever it is. Dada is his second word but not to his dad it’s always to Derek which Laura finds endlessly hilarious. First sentence is “my dada” to random lady in ny trying to hit on Derek while he’s in the park with Eli. Laura who’s not too far off is cackling in the distance and Derek is a tomato.

This all last like 3 years till Laura starts feeling a pull back to beacon hills because her pack it’s. Coming more stable and eventually checks on it through the grapevine only to find if there’s a mysterious alpha in beacon hills and decided to check it out before bringing her family back and to do a in person visit to coma uncle to make sure he’s ok.

PLOT TWIST There actually was a mysterious alpha and he was trying to take Peter out of his misery of being in a coma 7+ years as a werewolf.

The nurse being mysterious alphas human beta had gave the alpha updates.

Only peter wakes up and kills the alpha turning into a alpha and goes crazier with a alpha power surplus and recruits nurse beta into helping him gather into about the fire cuz he puts together the Kate thing pretty fast after finding out his hole family died (minus Laura and Derek) died and hyper fixated on getting revenge.

Still new to his powers his alpha whatever sees Laura as threat instead of niece and kills her.

*Laura dies in pilot at 28-29*

#sterek #laura hale #derek hale #peter hale #malia hale #malia tate #sheriff stilinski #stiles stilinski #teen wolf #teen wolf movie #eli hale

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nonobadcat · 2 years

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Imagine Nana nearly dying to save Reader from her horrible husband, only for her efforts to end up for naught, watching Reader be completely consumed by Stockholm Syndrome as AFO takes her away. That would be absolutely devastating.

CW: Nana Trauma

Ommfff... Your gut punch ask hit me so hard I literally got nauseated reading it.

For those that don't know, this ask is related to the yandere 18+ All For One x Reader story: A Hypnotic Nightmare - rated E for “Everything is fucking wrong with this story”. Minors: do not interact.

Since Chapter 17 of this shit show, Nana has made herself out to be the classic OFA martyr. Not only did she have to LIVE all of Reader-chan's trauma, but she's got every since OFA user's personal accounts added to it. Worse yet, Yoichi is sitting inside her head confirming the reality of her nightmares. She can't even pretend that it's just a bad dream when ALL of her knows it to be true.

So let's see here... Nana found out around Feb 15th and, as of Chapter 55 we're into... late June/early July? Nana's obsessively planning to save Reader-chan for four months.

Not to mention, this thing isn't just Nana anymore. We've got Toshinori, Gran Torino, Mental, Nezu, Oceanus, Apollo and heaven knows how many other people behind the scenes on this attempt. Not only would Nana have to live the failure, she'd have a gaggle of witnesses to boot.

Can you just imagine?

Hand clasped over the gaping wound in her left arm, Nana climbed to her feet, shaking and pale. She choked on the foul fumes pouring from a ruptured sewer line before squinting through the clouds of asphalt dust. Flames licked at the base of crumpled buildings. The harsh cracks of burning glass popped all around her, like sinister parodies of summer fireworks. A puff methane gas ignited on her right. The tips of her black hair curled back upon her shoulders, glowing red like a poker before they snuffed into ash.

You turned to face her, your expression shadowed by the orange blaze behind your back. With his arms wrapped around your body like a cloak, All For One's grin gleamed in the flickering light. Hooded red eyes, looked the Float Hero up and down.

Nana's right hand clamped into a first as the left hung limp at her side. Hard teeth gritted tight until the ringing in her ears was a shrieking chorus of eight voices all crying the same thing:

"Don't touch her!"

"My, oh my..." All For One clicked his tongue, his smirk growing one tooth wider. "What has my little brother been telling you?" He pressed his cheek against yours and buried his nose in a lock of your hair.

When he took a slow, deep inhale, bile burned across Nana's tongue.

"That boy has such a hero complex. It's a wonder any of you survive half as long as you do with the way he sweet talks you into going along with his little games." All For One's eyes drifted shut as he nuzzled into your temple. "Honestly, I'm starting to think he can't stand to see anyone happy."

Despite the flames all around, you shivered.

"Go on," he murmured, softly brushing the shell of your ear with his lips. His thick arms squeezed tight around your frame. One hand dipped to your belly, cradling the bulge growing inside you as he tongued a lurid kiss to your cheek. "Tell this poor misguided creature the truth," he hissed.

You tried to open your mouth, but gluey saliva entombed your words like flies in a pitcher plant.

Sharp tip nipped at your neck. "Puppy," he growled. "While I do love a tease, don't play games with your friends."

"I..."

There was a wet flick at the column of your throat.

You swallowed. "Nana, I..."

His thumb dipped just under the waist band of your pants, scratching soothing strokes into hot skin.

Biting back a gasp, you managed to whimper: "N-not here..."

"Come now, my dear," he taunted, nibbling down your neck. Large palms flattened against your hips, pressing you into his own. A slow grind firm bulge between your butt cheeks brought a fiery flush to your face. He groaned as a jolt of electric lust jumped from your quivering body to the pads of his fingers. "Lies and omissions do not become such an—" He chuckled, before purring the words. "—honest woman."

Curling into his massive frame, your eyes drifted into a dreamy, half lidded stare. A pulse of wanton heat tingled up your core. Every tantalizing brush of his skin again yours was laced with sizzling energy that urged your heart into a painful gallop. With the Demon Lord himself breathing down your neck, there was no room for an angel on your shoulder. The words flew from your lips, riding the last breath in your lungs.

"I love him."

All For One's foul smile spit his face as the sound of delicious shattering reached his ears. It could been the window of the corner store behind him exploding in the flames, but it wasn’t.

Nana slumped to the crumbling pavement, scraping her knees in the the fall.

Red eyes smoldered with hellfire as Shigaraki scooped you up into his chest. Cradling his prize, he inhaled the toxic smoke that billowed over the wreckage. A sweeter scent than this victory, he'd never breath again.

"I'll catch up with you later, little brother," he chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of your head. "I'm afraid I have to tend to my wife. She's feeling rather needy."

As Nana watched him carry you off into the sulfurous black smog, she collapsed under the wreckage of her own heart.

...and to loop back to the subject of calendar dates, you all do remember what past event happened at the start of July , right?

No?

Click below to feel the pain (spoilers):

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coollookingtiyaaaa · 8 months

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A bit more facts because I'm bored+ also how to prove afrocentrists wrong:

Always get to a museum and check the mummy's information if there's any, If the mummy turned out to be a different color other than black, Congratulations you have proof to use against Afrocentrists!

In ancient Egyptian tradition, Every funeral must have many mourners regardless if they're related to the dead family member or not

The Egyptian new year was first considered the birth of many Egyptian gods,and also the day of the floor of the river Nile ,Egyptians still celebrate it till this day, but many Coptic Orthodox christians of Egypt have a different year called the year of Martyrs, starting since the era of Diocletian!

As said in the previous fact post, Egyptians were always people of color, They did not have a specific skin color, and Arabs only make 17% of Egypt

Ancient Egyptians always had the tradition of drawing their kings stepping on enemies as a form of victory in a sort of battle, That's why Egyptians are cool and enemies are fools! (Fact does not mean any form of racism btw!)

This was the oldest deciptation similar to anything of the Festival bride in Egypt!

All for now until I gather more facts tomorrow

#king tut #tutankhamun #akhenaten #egypt #saqqara #egyptology #egypt for Egyptians #antiafrocentrism #against afrocentric movement

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dualdeixis · 1 month

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[Image description: A poem titled “Straitened breast and unfreed tongue” written Sunday, April 14, 2024: My Beloved, why do I hate the sound of my father praying and my mother singing? // Because they reduce praise to breath and consolation to nonsense. // My Beloved, why do I hate the sound of my father eating and my mother walking? // Because he starved you; because she stranded you. // My Beloved, why do I hate? // Because I, too, hate their abominations—“their sons and their daughters they burn in fire.” // My Beloved, but You have commanded: “Honor your father and your mother”; “do not say ‘uff’ to them, and do not rebuke them.” // I am the One Who inspires you to say each day in the month before the gates of Heaven close: “Though my father and my mother abandon me, ה׳ will gather me in.” // My Beloved, but they will say that I put words in Your Mouth. // I am the One Who puts words into the mouths of My messengers. // My Beloved, but I am not a messenger. // “We do not punish until We have sent a messenger.” The oppressed child is a messenger to the evildoing parents. // My Beloved, but the message goes unheard and the messenger is the one punished. // Endure, or I will return the entire world to vanity and void. // My Beloved, but I believe neither that You can destroy, nor that You can save. // Find something to believe in, or you will die. // My Beloved, why do You leave me to the sword of Khaḍir? // Fend it off, or scripture will never be subverted. End image description.]

citations: qur’an 26:13, deuteronomy 12:31, exodus 20:12, qur’an 17:23, psalm 27:10, qur’an 17:15, midrash elle ezkara, qur’an 18:65–82

i just especially wanted to bring attention to the midrash because despite how affecting it is, it doesn't seem very well-known. probably because there's no accessible english translation that i can find—hebrew available here. (i hadn't heard of the liturgical poem that it's drashing before, either; here's an old essay by rabbi brant rosen about it. though there's still much more to martyrdom than what he addressed then.) this is the quote from rabbi michael strassfeld's a book of life (pg. 494–5) which introduced the midrash to me:

"Rabbi Ishmael was one of the talmudic sages martyred by the Romans. Under torture, he cried out bitterly and his cry shook the heavens and the earth. Then he cried out a second time, and this cry shook the very throne of G_d. The ministering angels said: Such a righteous person should die so cruelly! Is this the Torah and its reward! A bat kol (heavenly voice) called forth and said: One more cry and I will turn the world into tohu u-vohu (chaos). Rabbi Ishmael was silent and died."

#writing #2mn #//#abuse

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whump-me · 11 months

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Martyr, Chapter 17: Very Sensible Reasons

Chapter 17 of Martyr, a novel-length sci-fi whump story about a captured Martian rebel with a secret and the renowned interrogator who has waited a decade for the chance to break him. This series is best read in order. Masterpost here.

Contains: whumper POV, aftermath of torture, blood, fatal beating mentions

---

Isadora

Showering off the blood put Isadora over her water allowance again. Especially since she stayed under the spray long after she knew intellectually that all the blood was gone, no matter what lies her eyes told her. She was going to have to pay somebody another bribe.

The thought made her clench her teeth. She didn’t mind paying for the occasional indulgence, but this was not indulgence. If it were, she wouldn’t have kept the water turned down so cold that her fingertips had already turned blue.

It was just as well she was clenching her teeth so hard. It was the only way to stop them from chattering.

But she wasn’t ready to get out. Not yet. She would get out when she felt clean. When the sharp, animal tang of blood left her nostrils, and all she smelled was the lingering jasmine scent from the bath she had cut short. When she stopped seeing red-tinged water circling the drain, even though she knew she had long since scrubbed off all the blood and the water was running clear.

She would get out when she felt like herself again.

She knew the water swirling around her feet was clear by now. But to her, it still looked red. There was so much blood. No matter how long she stood under the icy water, no matter how hard she scrubbed—hard enough that her skin was pink all over, hard enough that she had rubbed it raw in places—there was always more. It dripped from her freezing body in diluted droplets, reminding her of the blood she had seen from the window of the train on the day of the attack, falling from the sky like rain.

She had told herself she would make up for not being there in the dome by making her survival mean something. And she had been so close. She had given up everything for that single goal—and for what? So some impostor could fool her into thinking she was the one he had been looking for all this time? So she could stake her reputation and decades’ worth of work on a clever actor with an arrogant smirk?

No wonder he had looked so amused all the time. He had been playing her all along. God, he must have thought it was hilarious when she had been stupid enough to buy into it from the start. All her talk about strategies and tactics, and he had been the one playing her all along.

But he hadn’t looked so amused the last time she had seen him.

When he had stared hollow-eyed at the corpse of his fellow prisoner.

The corpse of the man she had beaten to death.

A river of red flowed down her skin and disappeared into the drain. It didn’t matter how much of the stuff she washed away. There was plenty more where that came from. Always more.

So much blood.

She threw back her head and screamed. Water poured into her eyes and down her open mouth, freezing her tongue as it trickled down her throat. Her screams echoed back to her in the close space, rough and raw and nothing like her own voice.

After she had looked at the video, Grayson had tried to tell her maybe he had interpreted the footage wrong, and that man wasn’t the leader of the rebellion after all. Or maybe the rebellion had changed hands in the past ten years—it wasn’t impossible that the man in the video had died at some point in the last decade, or simply gone into retirement, leaving a power vacuum for this Wraith to fill. But if that were the case, Wraith wouldn’t have admitted to being the leader but lied about how long he’d been involved. He would have either denied being in charge, or corrected her when she had asked him about his role in the initial attack. There was no reason for him to lie about one and not the other.

It made so much sense. All the things she had gotten wrong—all the disparities between the man in her files and the man in the cell. The way he had said all the right things, but made them sound flat and empty. He had been playing a part all along. Showing her what she wanted to see.

And she had eaten it up.

No doubt he had felt so proud of himself, fooling Special Security’s best interrogator. But he hadn’t looked so smug when she was beating his friend in front of him. He might have fixed everything else he had said to her, but his reactions then? Those raw, inhuman screams coming out of his mouth? That had been real.

She could hear him screaming even now, as if he were standing here in the bathroom with her. Or was she the one screaming? She couldn’t say.

She felt bones crack under her feet. She saw the prisoner hit the wall one final time, then flop onto his belly in front of her, suddenly and horribly still.

She doubled over, hands clutched to her stomach. She bent double, retching. Her hair fell into her face. A curtain of water poured down in front of her eyes.

She retched and retched, but nothing came up. After a moment, she regained control of herself. She straightened and took a deep breath.

That prisoner had been a member of the rebellion. He had been unimportant, but unimportant was not the same as innocent. He would never have survived his time in Special Security’s hands regardless. Her actions had changed the manner of his death, nothing more.

And really, she had already planned to torture him to death if that was what it took to get the agreement she required from Wraith, so how was this so different?

He had been a resource, just like Wraith. He had given up his right to be anything else when he had signed up to kill her people. He had been a resource, and she had used him—just not in precisely the way she had intended.

She took another deep breath. She tilted her head back and let the water flow down her hair and over her shoulders. She imagined she was standing under a pure and untouched waterfall in some distant, uninhabited corner of Earth.

She had used a resource at her disposal. That was hardly a crime.

She had not wasted the prisoner’s life. She had not killed him obscenely in a moment of hot anger, no matter how it might have looked from the outside. She knew her game too well for that. It had been one more tactic in her arsenal, a necessary strategic shift now that the game had changed. She had used the man’s death to further Wraith’s sense of helplessness—and even if he was an enigma to her, she had figured out that was something he could not abide.

Wraith wasn’t who she had thought he was. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be useful to her. It didn’t mean she didn’t need him. It didn’t mean she didn’t need him broken.

He had begged her to stop. He had begged.

This had gotten through to him more deeply than anything else she had tried. She had set him off balance, wiped the smug smirk from his face. She had finally gotten it through his head that he was not in control.

The tightness in her chest eased. The cleansing water flowed over her raw skin. When it splashed down on the shower floor, it finally ran clear.

---

Tagged: @straight-to-the-pain @soheavyaburden @gala1981 @whumpacabra @sacredwrath @suspicious-whumping-egg @sonder35 @decahedron-crabclaw @seasaltandcopper @tremendousenemyhideout @bloodinkandashes

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#whump #whump writing #whump story #whump novel #my writing #my writing: Martyr #sci-fi whump #interrogation whump #whumper POV

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