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dcnativegal · 5 years

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In which I change jobs and listen to the people of Lakeview

Back in August, (it’s now early March, 2019) my boss called me up in my office in Christmas Valley and asked if I’d consider moving my work to Lakeview and joining the Lake District Clinics’ staff as a therapist. I pretty much said, you bet, when do I start? It’s not that I haven’t loved the people I work with as colleagues and as clients in Christmas Valley. It’s more that I have spent most of my 30+ years as a social worker basically embedded in medical teams, working on the psychological and practical issues that come up for people who are medically ill. The prospect of going back into a busy clinic at a bustling, though tiny, hospital, excited me. And so it was that I said goodbye to my clients, and to my work buddies Hayley, Jama, and Geri, and started driving south instead of north from Paisley, in late September.

It's now been 5 months, and the metaphor I use is that we are building this airplane while flying the thing, since this is the first time this hospital has had such a role: ‘Behavioral Health Consultant.’

Behavioral Health Consultants are culturally competent* generalists who provide treatment for a wide variety of mental health, psychosocial, motivational, and medical concerns, including management of anxiety, depression, substance abuse, smoking cessation, sleep hygiene, and diabetes among others. (definition brought to you by https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primary_Care_Behavioral_health)

*The better term than culturally competent is ‘culturally agile’, but the idea is the same: to be agile is to establish rapport with anybody, including people from the ethnicity called “white” and the culture of “taciturn cowboy.”

The new job has an aspiration: “Primary Care/Behavioral Health Integration” whereby “mental health” is not taken care of in some other place, complete with another building, parking lot, and stigma (because when the town’s population is 2,300, everyone knows your rig.) If a patient comes to their primary care person for high blood pressure, or a miscarriage, or very high blood sugars, and the primary care person hears that your marriage is disintegrating, or you have nightmares, or your child killed her/himself, then there’s an immediate referral to me. If I’m busy with another patient, a referral gets made electronically, a receptionist calls this person, and boom, they are on my schedule. If I’m not busy, I’m brought in to meet them right then. Perhaps this person is crying, and I sit and listen, and maybe it’s just a bad day, or a sad anniversary, and what I do is provide compassionate listening. And my card. Perhaps we start a conversation and they schedule for a longer session because they hadn’t figured on being gone from work so long. See you soon, I say.

Behavioral Health Integration is new to much of the country, and yet it makes so much sense. Mind and body are connected. The trauma someone experienced as a child contributes to both his anxiety now and his high blood pressure. Her alcoholism might be worsened by her spouse’s infidelity: however, her liver is for sure. Let’s get this addressed, mind/body/spirit. Teamwork, people.

There are two other populations I get referrals to see. The folks who are taking an addictive substance that really isn’t good for them long term: either benzodiazepines like valium, or opioids.

The second group are the frequent flyers: folks who use the emergency department a great deal. There’s a team of people who try to help them. Are they anxious? Anxiety causes a lot of emergency department visits. So does a life that is very disorganized. Who can keep track of the day of the week, let alone an appointment in a clinic? There’s a meeting of people from many disciplines who meet weekly to brainstorm about how to create a supportive, educational web of services so that this person doesn’t use the most expensive health care resource available, (the emergency department) or bounce back into the hospital because being at home wasn’t safe.

I’ve had some interesting encounters. I meet people who are so much pain that they rock back and forth while they talk to me. I hear about a family where every single member has a serious disability but only one member will come in to talk to me. I finally went out with them to meet another relative waiting in the car and basically said, Hi, I don’t bite, come in to see me sometime, okay? It took 3 months but it worked.

A child came and sat at my table, proceeding to play with my wooden robots, then the magnet marble sculpture thing, and then color a mandala. All the while, a biological parent tells the story of their predicament, and the child corrects and fills in, holding the memory of all that has happened to this family. I find myself wishing multiple times a day, “if only the adults would adult.”

Another child is having panic attacks. Perhaps the addicted parent and the chaos at home are factors? You decide.

There is a funny thing that happens as I work in the arena of mental health while in a small town, and it will keep on happening. I assess one member of a social network, which may or may not be related to one or four of my other clients. The jigsaw puzzle of the situation becomes clearer and more recognizable while I listen to the stories. I can’t reveal that I already heard that story from someone else, with significantly different plot points and antagonists. I simply make note. Later that same day, the client has become the guy or gal behind a counter: well hello! And then I see the client’s mother in town: she peered at me through narrowed eyes, told me she was glad to know who was talking to her son. Sounded like I passed muster.

pass muster

be accepted as adequate or satisfactory.

synonyms:

be good enough, come up to standard, come up to scratch, measure up, be acceptable/adequate, be sufficient, fill/fit the bill, do, qualify

I met with a rather desperate patient, in chronic pain, and super pissed off about everything. That patient died unexpectedly and sadly a few days later. On the same day I learned of this death, two of my other clients came in, separately, and cried about the sudden loss of this person. Used up all of my tissues. We are part of a tightly woven web.

And I can’t talk about any of it except to clinical supervisors or my therapist. Which is fine. Thank goodness I can take notes. My brain gets very full.

I no longer have the Roarks, Hayley the amazing therapist and her husband Tom the amazing police deputy, who could give me the back story and the full list of felonies for most of North County. I exaggerate only slightly. I do get perspective at the team meetings where we talk about the frequent flyers: everyone has a piece of the patient’s history. And everyone knows everyone else, and what they did last summer. I will never have that deep knowledge of this community that natives of Lake County do. There is a chaplain who seems to have the same deep, back stories of everyone in Lakeview. The primary care providers know a great deal, too. Perhaps my fresh perspective has a benefit: at least three clients have told me they are glad I’m not from here. They have a chance, a clean slate, instead of me having assumptions based on last name, what side of town they live on, etc. And I try so hard not to judge. I sit and listen, always humbled and amazed at the stories that are shared.

I can’t share specifics, but I certainly see themes.

Let’s talk for a minute about step families. There are an awful lot of step families and second and third marriages and many times, live-in sweeties who act like step parents, all of which is very confusing to children. There are a couple of rules that I thought everyone knew, but apparently not. Such as:

· Do not, under any circumstances, tell a child, ‘you are so much like your Mom/Dad’ if those qualities you are calling out are negative. Please, please. You are not getting back at the miscreant, who is a conniving/cheating/meth-dealing/flake. You are hurting your child. (See, self-fulfilling prophecy. See, shitty legacy.) STOP IT.

· Grownups need to do the adulting. Children are not go-betweens. Period, end of sentence. Also, children best not play one parent against another: the only way to make sure THAT isn’t happening is to …

· Co-parent. If your kid has left your home to live with grandma, or step-father, or aunt, whomever, guess what? You are now co-parenting with your mother or step-father or sibling. You are coordinating school meetings with teachers, immunizations, and team schedules. You are consulting with the ‘other parent’ on whether the kid gets a smart phone, or can date, and whether they need condoms. Circle the wagons and parent the kid, whatever the old painful history. For the kids’ sake.

Right?

How about grief. People feel grief about all kinds of things, and especially the loss of other people. One grief hooks up with all the other losses, and sometimes, the heart just breaks and the mind stops and the tears flow. My all-time favorite quote about grief is this one:

People, usually, the conscientious ones, have very high expectations of themselves. They will plod on, and keep it all up, until the tears overflow, and they are horrified when they cry at work. Perhaps the long-dead person was the only one who ever stood by them, which explains why the ‘little’ loss that happened just the other day flowed into this biggest loss, and they are overcome.

I do some ‘grief education’. That it comes in waves. That patience with oneself is critical, and kind: if you can’t stop crying, then you need to cry, and go ahead, take the rest of the day off. You are not a slacker, or a malingerer. You are giving your mind and aching heart a break, and that is a healthy thing to do. We talk about options like writing a letter to the one you miss, so that you can tell them what you’ve been wanting to share. Who knows, maybe they are listening. Whatever the metaphysics of the matter, they exist in your experience. In psychoanalytic terms, that’s called an “introject.” Write freely, as if they will hear your words.

Or maybe write a song, or draw a picture, in their memory, in their honor. What would they have told you to do, if they knew they were about to leave this mortal coil? Go forth and find another lover? Get back to playing that guitar and never mind how bad it sounds at first? Go dancing. Go bowling. Have a beer, or stay sober, in my name.

And know that you cannot push through grief, there is no shortcut:

It is an alteration of self that we would not choose, and it is excruciating. We are altered without anesthetic. I’m sorry. I have been so altered.

Let’s talk about social isolation. I found this quote in the New York Times and had it made into a canvas hanging in my office: (via EasyCanvasPrints.com)

Most of the clients I see are deeply disconnected from people, especially the men. Maybe there is a wife who connects him to the rest of the family, or a mother. But no one else. He doesn’t speak to his children. He’s estranged from a sister or a brother. No cousins, lost track of them. Don’t care to reconnect. Old pain, betrayals, lots of good reasons to stay mad. Except for the loneliness.

I encourage clients to call up an old friend and say, I was thinking about you, what the heck, I thought I’d call, tell me what’s going on, if this is a good time. Once the person gets over their shock, the content of what your old co-worker/ cousin/ younger sister tells you is refreshing. At least it isn’t the same old thoughts going around like a trapped gerbil in your mind. And then you’ve strengthened an old bond. Why not? Doesn’t cost anything.

I know it feels awkward. I called up my first cousin, out of the blue, after texting her to make sure I still had the right number, and in my text, I said, could you chat? She called me right away thinking something was wrong. We hadn’t spoken on the phone since I moved to Paisley. I didn’t mean to scare her. But I didn’t do our usual calendar/Christmas thing this year, and she’s my first cousin. We’re friends on Facebook, but we don’t share the whole truth on Facebook. We were candid. Life is imperfect. And I renewed that bond with this bright, hardworking woman with whom I share DNA.

I also hand-wrote several letters to old friends. I got lovely texts or emails back saying a letter will come in reply but give them time. I’m totally fine with that. And even if nothing comes back, I sent forth a bit of love, and story, to distract them from their mind-gerbils. There was a woman at St. Stephen’s, whom I got to know when I worked as the Parish Secretary and she was a volunteer. She would send a lovely note or postcard to someone and stamp it with “GUILT FREE MAIL.” How wonderful is that. Edith Eder, you were a gift to the world. She would wait to give baby blankets to newborns, and I think she waited because she’d had a stillbirth at one time, and knew the pain of having no baby for all the cute clothes and rattles that had been gifted.

*****

Ultimately, for the anxious and depressed, I hope I can convey some information, some strategies and tricks, a wee tincture of wisdom that they can hold onto, when they hit a bad patch. I have my own therapist, in Bend, 3 hours away, whom I see once a month. I take my anti-depressant dutifully and gratefully. I approach my very own bad patches and slip and fall, like I did over thanksgiving. I try to spot the bad patches, like drivers look for black ice this time of year, but sometimes the slipping can’t be helped. And kerplunk, we are in the ditch and need a tow. Best to minimize the damage, do what needs to be done and chalk it up to ‘When Bad Things Happen to Good People’, which is the book I recommend most to clients.

There’s the awesome quotation by Anais Nin about the blossom:

I see entering into psychotherapy this way: it is a risk, because the familiar misery feels safer, at first, than the bright new possibilities of change, which are scary, but then, occasionally, breathtakingly glorious. And in any case, patience is required. With ourselves. Again, Anais Nin, who is an incest survivor by the way:

Amen

#depression anxiety psychotherapy

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jaime-etudier · 6 years

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These are just some tips from a professional procrastinator, on how I actually ever get shit done. What works for me may not work for you, but just give it a shot. I know these probably all seem like common knowledge, but sometimes having it listed out makes all the difference (Also I know this is a long ass post but I’ve bolded the main points and placed other important notes in italics so you can just glance over it if needed).

Part 1: Basic Tips

Don’t open youtube. It’s a deathtrap for me. A deathtrap leads to spiralling into the most unproductive day possible. It happens to me constantly. Maybe instagram, twitter, or tumblr is your deathtrap, but whatever it is, stay the fuck away from it. Here’s a couple of ways to do just that.

Forest: I know I’ve talked about it before but this app/chrome extension is the shit. Set it for a certain amount of time and it plants a tree. You can blacklist sites or apps and if you visit them, it kills the tree. If you leave the app or stop the timer before it’s done, you kill the tree. Just don’t kill the trees.

Put your phone in another room. I know. It’s hard. But it really helps eliminate distractions if you’re not using an app like forest. If you can’t do that, just focus on not allowing yourself to use it unless absolutely necessary. Self-discipline pays off in the long run. And that brings me to my next point.

Just do it. Too simple, I know. But literally just sit your ass down, take out your computer/textbooks, and get to work. If you force yourself to do even just 2 minutes of work, at least you’ve done something. It’s not about motivation at this point, it’s about discipline. As sappy as it sounds, you really can do whatever you put your mind to.

Make a list! Prioritize! Take it subject by subject, making a checklist on everything you need to get done. Once you’ve done that, go back and rate them on how important they are, and when they’re do. I use exclamation marks to demonstrate urgency. For example:

(!) Psyc: type notes

(!!) Hist: Essay assignment; read ch 1 & 2

(!!!) Engl: interview Assignment

(!!) Cjus: read ch 1,2, & 4

(!) Arab: outline section 3

WARNING: don’t let the list making process become procrastination. As soon as you finish making it, take the most important task, and get started on it.

Go with the flow. If you can’t force yourself to focus on the most urgent assignment, start on the assignment you’ll enjoy the most at that moment. If you’re enjoying it, you’re getting shit done. A lot of times, doing that one task is what will get you in the mood to knock out other tasks on the list.

Take breaks. Yeah yeah you hear this one all the time. I know. That’s because it fucking works. You need to take a few minutes of rest, even if it’s just to stretch out really quickly before hitting the next paragraph on that essay. However! Don’t! Let! Yourself! Get! Too! Distracted! While breaks are healthy and beneficial in most cases, I have a tendency to get massively side tracked by social media/Hulu. Grab a snack and some water, go outside for some fresh air, and then get back to work.

Part 2: Self Care

The self care routine for studying: this is one way that I get myself in the mood to study. Be warned, it can easily turn into a procrastination method, so don’t do it if you’re working on a last minute assignment.

Clean your study space. Clear of your desk, open the windows, make sure everything is really neat and tidy. The focus here should be on creating an environment that is conducive to learning.

Diffuse essential oils, burn incense, or light a few candles. When your space smells good, it makes it a lot easier to focus. Aside from this, alot of the oils and such can be really beneficial healthwise. I like using lemon when I need to focus, as well as a lavender and eucalyptus blend when I’m feeling sick or anxious.

Put on some music. Find some shit that really slaps. It just really gets you going. I usually lean towards classical music, jazz, or electronic shit without any lyrics. If I do listen to music with lyrics, it’s usually in a different language, like French or Korean (ARMYs where you at).

Tea! Or Coffee! Whatever floats your boat. If I’m going for the self care routine, I’ll typically make tea because it’s usually more relaxing for me.

Face mask! This one is just for fun, but I always feel 10x better after using a sheet mask or mud mask. Take some time to relax and study.

Take it slow. If you have the ability to study in this manner, aka not rushed as fuck, embrace it. Take your time and really understand the information in front of you. If it’s reading, annotate like crazy. If it’s writing, research and outline to your heart’s content. Enjoy the process. Learn cool shit. If it’s math, whip out a whiteboard and work all that shit out.

Part 3: Last Minute Studying

The next few tips are for when you’ve really fucked yourself over by procrastinating. Now you’re on a massive time crunch. It’s okay babe, take a deep breath; we’re gonna be a-okay.

Let yourself panic. One minute, tops. Any longer than that and you’ll probably spiral. Got it out of your system? Great. Let’s move on.

Know what needs to be done. Understand the parameters of the assignment and make sure you have everything you need. Does your teacher accept late work? If not, can you finish in time? As soon as you know this, sit your ass down and get started.

Don’t fuck around. If it’s an essay, just start typing. Don’t spend too much time on the outline at this point. After you’ve banged out a first draft you can look at structure and all of that. The important thing is that you have the content and your thoughts down on paper. Work on refining them later.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT PRETTY NOTES. If you’re studying last minute for an exam, now is not the time to practice hand lettering. It’s the time to drill as much info into your brain as possible.

Hit up Quizlet. Literally saves my ass at least 3 times a semester. Don’t just passively flip through flashcards either. Take tests, play games, do the reviews, print out sets if it helps to have it on paper.

If writing/typing things over and over is how you learn, do it, but don’t focus on it being neat. Make sure you understand the info and organize it in a manner that makes sense, but don’t spend too much time here. It can also help a lot to learn languages by repetitive writing, especially if they use an alphabet system different from your own.

Listen to notes. If you have recordings of your notes, listen to them. Try to know the info through as many senses as possible. Read them, write them, listen to them. Repetition is key if you need to know something in short time frames.

Embrace the Grind. As hard as it can be to work under so much pressure, you should eventually get into the swing of things. Once you hit that zone, don’t leave it until you’re finished. Limit your breaks, drink coffee (don’t forget water too), and try to finish the project in time.

Part 4: Turning in a late assignment:

Turn it in. I know it can be hard/anxiety inducing to turn in late work, but some points are better than no points.

Apologize to your professor. Let them know a) why it was late and/or b) how sorry you are for the inconvenience. I would do this through email, as well as in person, if possible. It shows that you care about the assignment and their class. Make it as sincere as possible, and hopefully they will accept it.

Come to terms with a lesser grade. If you turn it in late, you’ll probably get some points off, which is usually a fair deal. You had a responsibility to finish an assignment by a given time and for whatever reason you didn’t, thus consequences are inevitable. Just fucking accept the grade you get, as long as the content of your work is graded fairly.

Since you were under such a time crunch, there’s bound to be mistakes. Revise as much as you can, but turn it in as soon as possible. Accept that these mistakes may result in points off as well, but try to avoid really big ones.

AVOID DOING THIS IN THE FUTURE (aka see the first part of this post). Procrastination can be a bitch. Unless there are unavoidable circumstances causing you to do last minute assignments, just stick with trying to manage your time better.

That’s all I’ve got for today! I am a sophomore in college, so while I have some experience, there’s still so much for me to learn. Feel free to add any other tips that work for you as well!

#jaime etudier #studyblr #study tips #studyspo #university #high school

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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THE POWER OF ADDICTIVENESS

Humans like to work, much as they might drop the dog off at a kennel if they were returning to work after a months-long illness. Most of them myself included are more comfortable dealing with abstract ideas than with people. Will you have a browser on your cell phone? Translated into more straightforward language, this means: We're not investing in you, that requires your complete attention. What investors still don't get is how clueless and tentative great founders can seem at the very beginning, but only at the price of being of average intelligence humor me here, I wouldn't have taken it. Good news: they do exist. People who work for startups start their own. The challenge is whether we can keep things this way. They seem to be what happens. That should correct the problem. You either have a startup scene, or they don't. One of the most successful startup of all is likely to make your life difficult.

I liked. Teenagers seem to have been a prudent choice—a consensus decision, rather than just the whim of an individual partner. So whatever it costs to establish a mediocre university, for an additional half billion or so you could have a great one.1 I've been surprised how willing investors are to split deals. But if the hacker is a creator, we have to train longer for them. Writing novels doesn't pay as well as money. Plenty of famous people do; in the short term, the quality of their advice.2 But once they get started, interest takes over, and discipline is no longer necessary.

But partly it was because our lives were at times genuinely miserable. The problem is, many schools practically do stop there. You mean this isn't normal? When I said I was speaking at a high school, with all the same petty intrigues. Those companies were apparently willing to establish subsidiaries wherever the experts wanted to live. Teenage apprentices in the Renaissance seem to have been nerds in high school. Now I have enough experience to realize that those famous writers actually sucked.3 So instead of doing what they really want to be popular.

Realizing this has real implications for software design. Smart people tend to clump together, and if you love to hack you'll inevitably be working on projects of your own. The place to fight design wars is in new markets, where no one walks at all, and also New York, you know where these facial expressions come from. Will you be able to understand something you're studying, then it isn't hard enough. I could bring myself to read anything we'd been assigned then. But since I've been dealing with VCs more I've learned that some suits are smarter than they are. It drives me crazy to see code that's badly indented, or that you won't be able to understand something you're studying, then it isn't hard enough. So having an ambitious long-term plan pleases everyone. When I was in high school? Scientists start out doing work that's perfect, in the end, or a risky one that within a short time will either yield a giant success or kill the company, its revenues go away, and with them your income. If you're lucky you can get a day job using it. This is how most venture investors operate.

Everyone in the school knew exactly how popular everyone else was, including us.4 You know how you can design programs to be debuggable?5 But this is old news to Lisp programmers. The best case, the papers are just a medium of expression, as concrete is for architects or paint for painters.6 When we interviewed programmers, the main thing we cared about was what kind of software they wrote in their spare time. I like debugging: it's the one time that hacking is as straightforward as people think it is a definite step. At its best, it's creating the spec—though it turns out to be useful for server based software, surprisingly, is continuations.

Notes

7 reports that in the life of a social network for pet owners is a matter of outliers, are better college candidates. Eighteen months later Google paid 1.

Back when students focused mainly on getting a job after college, you'll find that with a cap. Maybe what you learn via users anyway. A web site is different from a technology startup takes some amount of stock.

Other highly recommended books: What is Mathematics? Norton, 2012.

This is why, when politicians tried to shift the military leftward. At one point worked designing refrigerators. CEOs in 2002 was 35,560.

I talk about startups. We managed to screw up twice at the 30-foot table Kate Courteau designed for us now to appreciate how important it is the converse: that startups aren't the problem, but trained on corpora of stupid and non-broken form, that all metaphysics between Aristotle and 1783 had been a good nerd, just that they're practically different papers. The solution was a bimodal economy consisting, in response to what you launch with, you can't do much that anyone wants. Without visual cues e.

In fact the less educated parents seem closer to what you learn via users anyway. And no, unfortunately, I mean efforts to manipulate them.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #things #people #job #problem #Notes #li #sup #interest

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itswomanswork · 6 years

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Writing A Book For The First Time? 5 Things That You Must Give Up If You Want To Be A Successful Writer

Are you writing a book for the first time? If so, there are 5 things that you must give up if you want to be a successful writer.

When it comes to writing a book, you need to have both desire and belief. You could really want to be a successful writer, but if you don’t believe that you can, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

Self-publishing has changed the game. Nearly anyone who wants to write a book can publish and sell it. However, that doesn’t mean that you can put a poorly written book online and expect that it is going to do well.

According to K-Lytics, 75,000 new books are added to the Kindle store every month. This proves that self-publishing is here to stay, but it also means that there is a lot of competition. In order to stay at the top, you need to give your readers what they want.

Are you ready to learn what it takes in order to become a successful writer?

Watch the video below where I talk about how to build a 6-figure book publishing business:

youtube

(Click here to watch on YouTube)

Do you want to learn how you can write a book in less than 24 hours? CLICK HERE to join my video training program!

If you are writing a book for the first time, congrats!

Writing isn’t for the faint of heart. For most people, it feels like such an overwhelming task that they never even attempt to start. If you are an aspiring writer or are currently in the writing process, then you know how challenging it can be to stay focused while trying to finish a book and get it published.

I believe that every entrepreneur should write a book. Why? Because it’s a great way to increase your visibility and credibility in your industry. Not only that, but did you know that you can create passive income by writing and publishing a book? That is what Amazon’s Kindle publishing system enables people to do.

Writing books and publishing them on Kindle is one of my favorite ways to create a steady stream of passive income. So much so that I have been able to create a 6-figure per year income from it. If you think that it’s too late to get into the Kindle game, think again. This year alone, consumer e-books alone are projected to generate nearly 20 billion U.S. dollars in revenue.

Oftentimes, the reason why people fail to follow through with their book writing dream is that they don’t know what they need to stop doing in order to become a successful writer.

If you are writing a book for the first time, and you have a desire to make a living with your words, there are 5 things that you must give up. These are things that I wish someone had told me before I started my writing journey. Sometimes we just need to hear some stone cold truth in order to get out of our own way.

1. Your Fear of Marketing

Book marketing is a daunting task for a lot of writers, especially those that are writing their first book. They may have no idea where to even begin, especially if they are unfamiliar with what marketing is. I totally get it. You just want to write. Isn’t that enough!? Unfortunately, it’s not.

If you decide to self-publish your book, don’t expect that you are going to spend the majority of your time writing. Rather, you are going to have to become a master marketer. If you merely want to create great stories about topics that only you care about, then maybe you need to re-think the self-publishing route.

You may have written a best-selling book, but if nobody can find it, how do you expect to sell it? The build it and they will come mentality doesn’t fly when it comes to selling books. In the words of Heather Hart, “If writing and publishing a book is like giving birth to a child, then book marketing is like rearing it.”

If you want to become a successful writer, you need to find people who want to read your content and get your writing on platforms where they can read it. In today’s digital world, promoting oneself has become commonplace. Don’t fear marketing. It’s your tool for success.

2. Your “Get Rich Quick” Mentality

It frustrates me when people ask me how they can get rich quick. However, I can’t judge them because I used to adopt this way of thinking. Of course you want to get rich quick. Who doesn’t? The slow and difficult way is frustrating, but it doesn’t have to be.

Let’s be honest. Writing a book is not a good “get rich quick” business model. Money isn’t going to flow into your bank account overnight. If you are looking to get rich quick, you may want to re-think writing as a profession. People have crazy expectations that, if they self-publish a book, people will rush to buy it and they won’t have to do any work.

Yes, there are some wild success stories of people who have made millions writing and selling books online. However, we forget about all of the hard work that it took for them to get to where they are today. If you want to be successful, you need to think long-term. Short-term tricks and gimmicks will only get you so far.

Don’t throw in the towel when you don’t see results fast enough. If you take consistent action towards building a writing business, I promise that you will succeed. Don’t ask yourself, “How can I get rich quick.” Instead, ask yourself, “How can I build a sustainable business that will add massive value to my readers?”

It may take longer to achieve, but the rewards will be worth it. Why? Because it feels good to do something that takes a lot of effort and time. Seth Godin said it best – “People really want to believe that effort is a myth…. I think we’ve been tricked by the veneer of lucky people on the top of the heap. We see the folks who manage to skate by, or who get so much more than we think they deserve, and it’s easy to forget that these guys are the exceptions… For everyone else, effort is directly related to success.”

3. Your Excuses

A lot of people have a dream of writing a book, but they never end up starting. For some, it comes down to negative self-talk, while others just can’t get motivated. They fall into a trap of procrastination and find a million and one reasons why they can’t.

Making an excuse for why you can’t do something is just a bad habit. Like any habit, it can be changed. However, you need to start by figuring out where your resistance is coming from and why.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own writing process that we are unable to separate ourselves from it and take an objective approach. So much so that we don’t even know what is or isn’t working for us. This is when it’s a good time to reach out for help so that you can get an outsider’s perspective.

At the end of the day, it comes down to being disciplined. If you want something really bad, you need to work for it. You don’t have to give up all of your time and energy to write a book. I’ve written the majority of my books in 24 hours!

Set a realistic deadline for yourself and take action and write something, every single day. In doing so, you will feel a sense of achievement and it will motivate you to keep moving forward to finish your book.

4. Your Desire To Be Perfect

If you are a perfectionist when it comes to writing, you may be thinking, “It’s about being efficient and detail-oriented. That’s what makes a great writer.”

Wrong.

Unfortunately, being a perfectionist doesn’t serve people well when it comes to writing books. If nothing is ever good enough, then how do you ever expect to publish something? Deadlines end up falling by the wayside and it only leaves you feeling unsatisfied and frustrated.

The reality is that your first book may not the best, but you will get better because you will learn from it. When it comes to our own writing, we will always find glitches, even where there aren’t any. I used to struggle with perfectionism in my writing, but I’ve learned that sometimes good enough has to be good enough.

Even when your book isn’t perfect, hit publish. If you want to become a great writer, you must be open to putting out content that isn’t perfect. Take it from Margaret Atwood, “If I waited for perfection… I would never write a word.”

5. Your Indifference To Reading

I’m a firm believer that the best writers are readers. I love to read and learn. It is a habit that I have fallen in love with. I read 300 words from a book every single day, as part of my morning ritual. Reading has not only made me a more knowledgeable person, but it has also allowed me to calm my mind and separate myself from the barrage of tasks and responsibilities that come with running an online business.

Research shows that 85% of successful people read two or more self-improvement or educational books per month. Do you? It’s never too late to start reading. If you didn’t like reading when you were younger, commit to doing it now.

When it comes to writing, everything you learn as a reader you can use as a writer. Someone else’s words can open your mind to new and exciting ideas or concepts for your book. More importantly, reading will accelerate your learning. In the words of Stephen King, “If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”

If you are writing a book for the first time I encourage you to give up these bad habits.

Writing a book is a momentous pursuit, but if you do it the right way, not only can it provide you with a steady passive income stream, but it can also help you build your brand. The world is waiting to hear your story. Stop thinking about it so much and just start writing!

Do you want to learn how you can write a book in less than 24 hours? CLICK HERE to join my video training program!

The post Writing A Book For The First Time? 5 Things That You Must Give Up If You Want To Be A Successful Writer appeared first on Project Life Mastery.

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almassadlive · 3 years

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How To Start and Run a Successful Lifestyle Business Online

A Personal Insight

Congratulations! You have chosen a really rewarding option into how your business and life will coexist happily ever after." That was a little note to myself when I chose the lifestyle business option, quite a far cry from a traditional start-up that I was running in the entertainment and events industry after quitting my 9-5 job. The latter required me to be in a specific physical location of course so as to reach and serve my clients.

Today, I run a digital business model and all I need is a laptop handy and an Internet connection. I then choose when I want to do some work and where I want to get that work done. And that my friend is what I call a perfect match! My life meets my business everywhere I go, anywhere I am. The general business rules remain pretty similar and herein I will share my own golden rules that new entrepreneurs will particularly find informative... But first... if you are about to quit your job, you are probably wondering

Can Starting A Lifestyle Business Change Your Life?

No more dreadful Monday morning train commutes to work and staring into a stranger's face seated across from me wearing sunnies on a cold morning, perhaps a subtle attempt to numb the pain of the lifeless surrounding. They are having the same thoughts as me. "Friday cannot come quick enough". Then I start thinking about my email box and that Monday morning meeting that I have not prepared for. I have to fill in my boss on the current project status before he can go into another meeting with more important people than me to tell them what I just told him!

I remember having those thoughts and it just makes me queasy as I write this. I know you get the drift. I remember suffering temporary amnesia as I walked out of the house, holding car keys and looking for them all over the kitchen and lounge. I had spent a whole hour pre-occupied in thought on how I will handle the stress that was about to unfold for the next 5 days of my life.

The Road Ahead

As exciting as this new journey is about to be you want to get a few things in order straight away in your new 'house' to make this transition process as smooth as you possibly can. That business idea is looking great, you have done lots of research, consulted a few souls preferably smarter than you. You have also been making some new friends. I really hope none of them is still working where you just quit! I soon found out that these friendships only flourished over the years because of shared interests such as office politics that tended to specially thrive on Friday night at the bar when we didn't have to whisper about overwhelming love for senior management.

The reality now is, you are in an elevated consciousness phase of your life, one that these friendships cannot exist. Your mindset needs to be fed with new insights and nurtured with refreshing thoughts about living a fulfilled life. You have some money saved up in the bank and probably have an actionable step-by-step business plan. There is something of value that you have to share and a strategy to get customers lined up ready to give your 'something' a warm welcome into this new world order.

But that is the easy part. I shall be completely honest here; apart from some money that I had saved up at the point of quitting, I really didn't have much more than a rough idea of what I was going to do. I was risking it all. When I left my day job some years ago, I was at a point where it was either that or I lose my mind.

7 Golden Rules

A New MIND-set:

As with all things new, your mind is the first guy you want to put in check. Let him know there is a new sheriff in town. If you are like me, you have been spending the better part of the last 6 - 12 months buried deep in business books and ripping them apart in your spare time. At some point, you found personal development material captivating. Eventually, you started finding out why that constant nagging feeling of life and lack of fulfilment was. As an example, I had read books like Richdad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and listened to the audio version of the same in case something was lost in translation! I had also read Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People among others.

This is an activity that you will not want to let slip into the overflowing 'good habits to continue when I get time bucket'. I had one like that and needed no motivation adding more stock completely in autopilot. Mind food is paramount in this journey. You want to stay inspired a good chunk of the time because this is where the sowing is happening. The thing is as abstract as some of the ideas in this material may seem at this point; I found that with time, it all starts to fall into place as the journey progresses. So do not sweat any concepts that are not clear yet. Keeping the reading habit going is all you need. These books are not really designed for reading cover to cover. Think of them like the SAT NAV system your car or as you own version of a personal SIRI.

It is a known fact that our minds don't like disruption. Whether that disruption is good for us or not, it is not very welcome without some whip cracking. The mind has got everything figured out. It is a very well trained machine with thoughts and habits that shape your life and works even when you are sleeping, doing the 'regular chores around the house'.

The 9-5 routine mindset is still at this point deeply wired into your system. It's advisable to start setting up ground rules so that YOU and the MIND are both on the same page. This takes a while and certainly took me the better part of 2 years. Don't stress just know there are changes you will need to work on consistently in this area. Oh, remember when I mentioned who your new friends cannot be a little earlier?

Breaking The Bad:

I made the mistake of trying to keep a regular 9-5-like routine when I first started my entrepreneurial journey. Big mistake. What tends to happen as a result is, the mind in these early days of business life, is still largely unaware of the 'new life in construction progress'. It actively runs the old familiar version of 'code' from its 9-5 days in the background in stealth mode. You might know what happens when you try to run a new version of Microsoft Windows on old PC hardware? Yes, exactly right!

All sorts of weird compatibility issues are not unheard of.

I did not understand this myself. The mindset driving my routine was still stuck in the old version. The correct term for this is the subconscious mind. So your poor conscious mind, which is pretty much what we operate on until new ways are 'learned' runs into a constant battle. It really wants to change the world for you, it's ready to work hard, promising to cut the Friday night binge that serves no purpose other than a regular headache which eats away the Saturday morning and pinky swears to cut down on addictive TV shows.

Someone, please explain why my favourite big screen stars are also hanging out in these TV shows... like really?

The Deal With Time Management:

As a new entrepreneur what quickly comes into awareness I would say is the time management beast and what seems to be like an endless stream of unmanageable distractions. In a lifestyle business that is run from home, the park, at the beach, the airport lounge or while on safari at The Mara, this can be a constant battle. Don't get too hang up on being perfect day one with this one. The more I tried to fight it the more I stressed about it. Stress did not improve my time management skills and only added to unfinished tasks that needed more worrying about... I thought! The time drama continued until I put measures to progressively learn how to improve time management.

Keep educating yourself on what works for your schedule and what sorts of distractions are overpowering you. I can tell you now it's going to be technology related!

It didn't matter that I was an early riser who wouldn't go to bed until my eyeballs were literally unlocking themselves from my sockets in protest. Occasionally I got the odd finger in this scuffle! And sometimes I still wouldn't give up. Now, this does not necessarily equate to being productive. The actual real result was a constant feeling of exhaustion, elevated stress levels, and anxiety.

Why You Need To Design A Routine That Works Around Your Lifestyle Business

I hadn't changed my routine so my mind would expect the usual treatment, 9 am we are active at work and then at 5 pm it expects that we are on the 'winding up for the day phase'. I, on the other hand, had with all good intent, added extra hours in front of the 9 and after the 5. Now you can see where the problem was once I kept this up for a while. Insane!!! Create a new routine and optimise around what works for you.

Decide When You Want To Work... Create A Routine... Then Follow It With Military Discipline

Perfecting this phase when you start a lifestyle business, which means your physical surroundings change constantly, it can feel daunting. However, with a well mapped out daily, and weekly routine that you have the discipline to stick with, you will start to see results. In no time, this will end up running on autopilot.

There's going to be a lot of 10 to 12 hour days, maybe longer but they don't and shouldn't be in your constant daily routine. After all, it's business around your lifestyle. I have 3-hour blocks and generally leave my 'heavy lifting work' for when I get into a state of flow, usually after midnight.

Understanding Your Personal Power and Peak Performance State:

This state starts becoming more regular with practice and awareness. Understand your highs (i.e. peak energy state), lows (this is no time to do the books and usually a good time to choose pizza toppings and make big decisions like thin or thick crust?) and my personal favourite flow state (this is creation mode and a good time to change the World). Pick a block of hours that works for you. Once new habits in your routine become solid you will have an easier time telling these states apart.

It's not unusual for me to get into flow while at the shops looking at apples and kiwi fruit fresh deals of the day. This state for me comes through an insightful thought or sometimes as a series of thoughts back to back, so please keep a hardcover notebook at all times for these moments. You might just stumble on your best business idea yet!

Time management and productivity is a continuous optimisation process. All you have to do is decide how many hours you want to work. Pay attention to your body clock and maximise for times when you are at peak energy states. Then learn to induce these states through rewarding practices like meditation.

Schedule Fun Times on Tuesdays:

Although it's not how I started off, I am lucky thus far to be working on businesses that allow me lots of flexibility as to when and where I actually work. If this tickles your fancy you are on the right track here. In my case, all I need is my mac book pro and decent wifi. Tip: When I am in a location where the menu has an under $10 dollar price tag frenzy going on, I move on swiftly.

About Tuesdays

Move all the things you used to do for fun on Saturday to this day. The Keyword here is FUN guys so if mowing the lawn is fun! Okay, you get my point. It doesn't matter what the activity is but I recommend you do it in the early days of your journey. The feeling is absolutely incredible. For me, it was reading the paper and a coffee down the road.

Do you guys wonder why we still print newspapers today?

So, usually, one or two local Moms will swing by the coffee shop and that is all the action there is. The rest of the 'real' world folks are at work. This is my opinion but what I found with being Mr Tuesday is that it gives me a boost of confidence and that sense of freedom where I feel, "yeah that's right, I can do what I want when I want".

I will point out here that this has nothing to do with money. I have done this even when the reality at that time was 'cash-flow challenges!'. I am not advocating that you should smile and be happy when you are broke, no no no. When you think about it, this is when you need your mind at a 100% and if all it takes is a series of 3-dollar coffees down the road, so be it. While on this topic, my ideal Tuesday day is on a yacht surrounded by endless views of blue seas at exactly 11 am and a safety vest in close proximity! Unwanted swimming lessons are not part of this plan.

What does your ideal Tuesday day look like?

Your Inner Circle... Your Players CLUB:

This is an interesting one because if you think about your ideal Tuesday above, how many people do you know today can do that? Initially, you will probably be alone or maybe with someone close to you like a partner, wife, girlfriend or somebody else who probably does what you do, or benefits directly from what you do. I found out that the friends I used to hang out with on Saturdays and Sundays in my previous life no longer fitted in the new life I was creating. It's a delicate balance but I had to make some changes. For the same reason, of course, the folks at your old job will probably not take Tuesday off to hang out at your newly found happy place to share happy coffee with you.

I could go on and on about this inner circle area of the new life but what I realised and accepted was, I needed to decide as part of the journey, to be alone for a little while as more new quality friendships developed. This is still an ongoing process. As an example, a couple of months ago I was in HongKong for a week just by myself. I had a blast but would it have been nicer to share that escapade with someone familiar?

I met new people on that trip and did things I had never done before. I love travelling and it is one of the reasons why starting a lifestyle business was a brilliant model. The thing is, if I can make friends who also have time to be lazy on Tuesdays for happy coffee and random sun baking escapades, that is probably a good 'new friend barometer' check right there! Oh and hopefully of course what they do for money is generally not frowned upon by law!

On the real, though, I personally don't have many of these friends but I found that this is a good time for me to reflect inwards and to focus on my personal growth. If you are new into this game, this could be a good time to spend with a business mentor, perhaps meet other like-minded people in your local community, go deep into nature or maybe just hang out on social media platforms and engage and find out the latest buzz like who got a cat! Seriously the point here is, have a lot of choices in your back pocket that you can go crazy with and if you have bucket list ideas all figured out, check them off weekly without fail.

Family:

Family is very dear to me and I would imagine it's the same for you too. Perhaps, much so that you are making this decision to escape the 9-5 and really start learning new ways to make money outside the voluntary solitary confinement space (also known as office cubicle). One of my reasons for choosing this journey was my family. To be more available to them and to enhance my own life experiences. To fill those experiences with what I really want anytime I wanted it. The one thing I encountered and you probably might as well, those we love and care for dearly may not understand the new you. These moments may not be as dramatic such as waving placards in protest but you will see it vividly.

Remember how our minds don't like change?

It's not their fault and they are probably coming from a place of love for you. Embrace the response you get with love and remember your bigger mission. I had lots of strange conversations with people I love and would have like to be speaking a foreign language at the time. That way being misunderstood would have been spot on. Then one day I realised, they weren't really saying they disliked my new outlook on life and crazy ideas like giving up a six-figure income.

They were just saying, "We don't understand how to process this new information". Please show us how. You might also take consolation in the fact that how well you manage this close relationship is a reflection of how you will do 'out there' where the World is short of people like you and me, people who are lost in self-indulgence and totally unconscious of their daily actions will not understand you either!

Remember, training takes time. That's what it took for me until they somewhat understood. If you are lucky enough to get the all in response from them, great, if not, give them time and if need be, add the space element to it as well. Be kind to yourself.

At the time, I was on a roller coaster going through a myriad of changes both personal and business that required me to be very present. My first business was in an industry I did not know at all, the physical surroundings were not very familiar (I will discuss this in a later post) and a pending divorce as a result of a strained long-distance relationship. Now, this was a lot of action in one headspace!

In Summary

Your circumstances may be a little different from mine for wanting to come this way and choosing this journey. As you go along, it's reasonable to expect moments where you will be tried and tested by fate. Things will happen that will be out of your comfort zone or out of your control and sometimes both.

In the end, I find that clarity on my why I do what I do sails me through choppy waters. I embrace whatever comes my way with love. Answers to what I don't know come in the right time. I keep the bigger mission clear in my mind. Creating a life where I can live on my own terms is not free, there's a price to be paid.

Another really important thing to have a solid business system. I found my answer with the six-figure mentors. They have a step-by-step business system that shows you how to leverage the Internet and start your very own online business. What's, even more, is that if your goal is to start your own business say around your passion, the business skills you will learn are second to none. From experience with my first 2 ventures as a newbie without a mentor, I would recommend every new entrepreneur make getting a mentor, their number one priority. Looking at how I started my entrepreneurial journey, this was my single most expensive mistake up until today as I write this.

Final Thought

Along the way somewhere, I realised that I needed to give up the idea of perfection and get cosy with uncertainty about what will be tomorrow and experience some discomfort today because of the things that I don't know yet. I experience more growth as I continue to operate in that mental space. All I have to do TODAY is take to take the next best action. This post is unusually long so if you are still reading, I sincerely thank you. I hope you found some value in there. Feel free to share this post with someone else who will enjoy reading through the ideas and insights I have shared.

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ronaldmrashid · 5 years

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The Importance Of Feeling Uncomfortable For Personal And Financial Growth

With the racism and sexual assault allegations that have befallen the Governor of Virginia, the Attorney General of Virginia, and the Lt. Governor of Virginia, I was reminded of all the racist altercations I experienced growing up in Virginia for public high school and public university in the mid-to-late 90s.

Given the revelations at the senior levels of Virginia government today, you know racism in Virginia wasn’t unusual decades ago. Racism wasn’t a constant ubiquity, but I did experience some type of racist encounter about every 10th time I went out of the house.

One of the more milder examples I remember was while waiting in line to go to the bathroom at a gas station off I-95 heading south. A white guy behind me said, “Hey, don’t you understand English? What are you waiting for? The bathroom is open!“

I turned around and said, “There’s actually someone in there. They just didn’t lock the door. Do you understand the English that’s coming out of my mouth?”

He backed down with an “Oh, never mind.” But I was ready to rumble.

The amazing thing about all these racial experiences is that it’s all I knew after coming to America for high school.

I thought it was normal to be on the receiving end of racial slurs or racial innuendos every so often. I just endured and fought back as hard as I could each time.

Yes, I got suspended from school multiple times for fighting, but it was worth it to defend my honor. Kids stopped messing with me once they felt my fists of fury.

After I got a job in 1999 in New York City and again when I moved out to San Francisco in 2001, I realized that being a minority in America felt so much more comfortable in a diverse city.

My racial conflicts dropped from every 10th time I went outside to maybe every 25th time I went outside in Manhattan. In San Francisco, I can’t remember my last racial conflict because we are a minority majority city.

The Positives Of Discomfort

Looking on the positive side of racism, I thank my past racial altercations for having given me the extra strength I needed to endure those long work hours in banking for so many years. Racism gave me tremendous motivation to prove that I could succeed in America.

Yes, it is harder in the workplace when so few in management look like you and no one wants to mentor you. But screw that, I always told myself. Being a minority working in a smaller business in a satellite office was simply a great challenge to get ahead by being more energetic and entrepreneurial.

When I got promoted to VP at age 27, it was one of the greatest feelings ever. All of my contemporary colleagues were still Associates, one level down, and would stay Associates usually until 30-32 years old.

Getting the promotion was when I first realized the allure of meritocracy. It was also my first taste of power. When you need consensus from a committee to get promoted, you don’t mess with your senior colleagues.

Despite being gone from the workforce since 2012, I still have the energy and motivation as I did when I was a teenager.

It’s like having Ironman’s arc reactor, pulsating in my chest, driving me to keep going no matter what thanks to all the hate I experienced growing up.

And to be honest, this energy feels wonderful! I remind myself every day that it is this energy that has enabled both my wife and me to leave work behind at age 34.

And it is this confidence that has fortified me to take big risks in my career, in my investments, and in our online business.

Without this energy, I would not have been able to regularly get up by 5am for the past two years work on Financial Samurai for three hours before my wife and son woke up to then get to work as a dad. Instead, I would have probably slept in until 7am because taking care of a toddler is exhausting.

Hardship makes us better appreciate the good times.

Let’s Move To Virginia Instead!

Given how much racism and bullying has given me, I think it’s best for us to move back to Virginia and rejoin a 5.5% minority.

To survive in a less comfortable situation forces you to adapt. Learning things like self-defense, conflict resolution, self-deprecation, positive thinking and humor are all useful skills through our adult lives. What wonderful skills to teach our son.

Hawaii just seems like too comfortable a lifestyle to get motivated to do more than the average. When it’s 79 degrees and sunny, only the most disciplined individual would stay inside and study for three hours instead of go to the beach and play.

Virginia, overall, is a wonderful state with a strong economy and good people. People are products of their time, and I don’t blame a minority of Virginians for thinking the way they do about minorities.

In general, I look back upon my eight years there with fondness. The good outweighed the bad. Virginia was my rite of passage into adulthood.

It’s just the recent racial incidents involving Virginia’s political elite that have triggered forgotten memories.

Norther Virginia is about 50% cheaper than San Francisco in terms of housing. Meanwhile, there are plenty of solid public schools, where we’d probably end up as opposed to southern Virginia, where I went to college.

With each difficult encounter, his mother and I will mentor him by teaching him about hate and ignorance. And perhaps with each encounter, our boy will also develop a chip on his shoulder and a FIRE to prove the haters wrong that he cannot become somebody great.

By shunning a diverse environment for a more homogenous environment, my son will have a chance to experience more racial discrimination than if he were in San Francisco or Honolulu.

I fear that if we shelter our children too much, they’ll grow up to be ignorant, unmotivated individuals who will whine at the slightest of inconveniences.

I have three immediate neighborhood households that all have adult sons still living at home with their parents because life is too easy. When your parents pay for everything as an adult, there’s no longer an incentive to try.

Taking away a person’s ability to provide for themselves is so sad because it feels so amazing when you establish your independence.

My hope is that by putting our son in an environment where he will have to struggle more to get ahead, he’ll gain a tremendous amount of satisfaction and self-esteem as he grows older.

Besides, my mother-in-law lives in Virginia, my sister and nephew live in Manhattan, and my sister-in-law and family live in North Carolina.

Related: A Massive Generational Wealth Transfer Is Why Everything Will Be OK

Examples Of Uncomfortable Situations

When life becomes too easy, nothing really happens. Besides experiencing racism growing up, here are some personal examples of uncomfortable situations that helped me grow:

Being the new kid at school all the time. I was the new kid every 2-4 years growing up and I hated it. But I grew to have no fear chatting up anybody in a new environment, which made a big difference in my professional growth.

Having to get into the office at 5:30am. Getting in by 5:30am for two years at my first job, and then by 6am on average at my second job for 11 years, never felt natural. But after about 10 years, I no longer needed an alarm clock. I was conditioned to naturally wake up earlier than my peers to get things done. This productivity accelerated my path to financial freedom.

Confronting my boss for a severance. Without a manual, not many people have the confidence to argue their case for a severance. But I knew my worth, and I knew what would happen to the business if I suddenly left, or worse, went to a competitor. This confidence came from having to repeatedly stand up for myself growing up.

Writing mind-benders that may offend. I go through a process every six months which I call, “The Culling.” The Culling entails publishing an article that enrages a subset of undesirable readers who are unwilling to read beyond a headline or unable to understand the nuances of what I’m trying to say. My goal is to reduce the accumulation of easily triggered readers and grow a community of intelligent readers with well-argued rebuttals.

Now that I’ve shared such convincing arguments about the importance of consistently being uncomfortable for personal and professional growth, it’s clear that we should move to Virginia and not to Hawaii.

Oh, but wait. With important geoarbitrage moves, unless a divorce is what you want, it’s a good idea to have a consensus between spouses and partners.

Let’s see what my wife has to say. She spent 20 years growing up in Charlottesville, Richmond, and Williamsburg, Virginia.

The Choice Is Obvious

Hi everyone! Sam and I are fortunate to be quite a balanced couple. Opposites attract as they say.

He’s mostly an extrovert; I’m a total introvert. He’s very athletic; I’m a total klutz. He’s super efficient and fast at most things; I tend to be slow and cautious.

So what are my thoughts on Sam’s idea to move to Virginia? Absolutely not. My answer is, Hawaii of course!

Here are just a few of the reasons why.

1) I grew up in Virginia and although I agree that it is a beautiful state with plenty to offer, I booked a one way ticket out of there after college graduation faster than Quicksilver in X-Men: Days Of Future Past. Virginia: Been there, done that. I’ve never looked back.

2) Racism is terrible. Plain and simple. Does it exist more in less diverse places? Probably. But sadly it exists everywhere. Our son will likely experience some encounters of racism no matter where he grows up. I also do not want to intentionally expose our son to unnecessary negativity and hatred. I do plan to teach him to respect people of all sorts through travel, reading, volunteering, and having many open discussions wherever we live.

3) I do not believe our son needs to experience racism and be a minority in school in order to be a driven, hard working individual. His personality is unique and definitely a blend of both Sam and me, although I see Sam’s focus and determination in our son as clear as day. My motherly instinct already tells me our son is going to be a good student who wants to succeed. I know he will need coaching and a supportive environment to get past obstacles and we’ll be there for him.

For example, when our son can’t do something, like get a block to fit into his shape sorter toy, he yells out in frustration and throws the block to the ground. He has daddy’s fire.

That’s my cue to pick up the block, put it back in his hand, help him wiggle it into the right spot, and then share in his excitement. Seeing the ear-to-ear grin on his face when he pushes the block in followed by him immediately try another shape by himself says it all.

Fight Or Flight

Growing up as a multiracial kid, I was at the top of the minority list in school. I was literally the only one of my “kind” – Japanese mother, Caucasian father. I didn’t look Asian; I didn’t look white. Our town was almost completely 50% white, 50% African American.

I looked “weird” as some girls said. “What ARE you?” was another question I’d often get. Fortunately, I had a few friends who looked past my appearance and the shock that I had an Asian mother.

I didn’t “belong” in Japan either. Everyone stared at me wherever I went in Japan. Some whispered look at the gaijin; this word for foreigner has a bit of a negative connotation.

Others said I was so lucky to be half because I had pale skin and big eyes. Thank you, I guess. But what are they saying about people who are tan with small eyes?

Fortunately, I didn’t experience frequent bulling or racist remarks, but I still had my share. That didn’t make me want to fight back like Sam though.

The hurtful comments made me want to leave. The rest were just annoying distractions. I knew they didn’t define who I was and that my racial background made me unique and wasn’t something anyone could take away.

I don’t like confrontation; I never have. When kids and adults have said mean things to me I don’t talk back; I usually stay silent and walk away. Sam sees this as letting them walk over me. Perhaps, but I don’t give people like that any power over me.

I’m just the type of person who doesn’t want to waste any energy or time on disrespectful people who just don’t get it.

That doesn’t mean I wasn’t hurt. I felt sadness, isolation, and frustration especially growing up. But, I really don’t like to dwell on negativity. I have so many better things to do!

Finding Motivation From Within

The one thing I’m certain of is that we are all motivated by different things. I remember someone telling me that during management training at work and it’s totally true.

You might be motivated by adversities, or discrimination, the desire to be the best, money, family, power, financial freedom, a better lifestyle, countless other things and likely a whole combination of things.

Growing up, I was self motivated to get good grades. Perhaps it was my perfectionist personality or the desire to be like my smarter sister. Who knows. What I don’t remember though is my parents ever pushing or telling me I had to get straight A’s.

In middle school and high school, I was motivated to be the best violinist in school and to get the lead part in every theater production. I think a combination of wanting recognition and enjoying those activities were my main motivators.

In my career, I was definitely motivated by power, gaining autonomy, earning money, and recognition for my niche skills and efforts.

As a parent, I’m motivated by an immeasurable amount of love, and wanting to see our son happy, develop and succeed.

Ultimately, I believe motivation is very personal and has to come from within. I think it blossoms in supportive environments.

Some people get motivated in harsh environments, but definitely not all. I probably would have been mentally crushed over time if I was in a worse situation growing up. So I’m thankful my experiences weren’t much worse.

Making The Right Choice

Now that you’ve heard from both sides, we’re curious to hear what you would do if you were us? Your vote will help determine our family’s fate.

Would you move to warm and sunny Honolulu, where life is even more comfortable than it is in San Francisco? The majority of the Honolulu population will look like our boy, either Asian or multi-racial. He’ll grow up in an environment that is much more chill because most people in Hawaii are working to live, not living to work.

Or, would you move to somewhere in Virginia, where it is very hot or very cold for half the year. Such temperature will help him appreciate the other half of the year better. Our boy will feel the discomfort of being a 5.5% minority. As a result, he’ll better learn how to deal with difficult situations like racism and bullying. He’ll also get a quicker taste of how cruel the real world is so he can hopefully be more motivated to study and work hard.

In conclusion, what a blessing it is to grow up as a minority in America. If all I experienced was love and acceptance, I’d probably still be working at my soul-sucking job wondering what else is there to life. There would be no Financial Samurai.

Experiencing the bad has really helped me appreciate the good. I hope we can all realize this juxtaposition one day.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Silent Threats In The Night: My Charlottesville Story

Explaining Why Asian Income Is Highest In America

Beware Of Financial Blind Spots On Your Road To Financial Freedom

Readers, what were some uncomfortable situations you experienced growing up that helped make you stronger? How much real world hardship should we subject our children to before they enter the real world? Are people simply a product of their times, and as times change, people change?

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The post The Importance Of Feeling Uncomfortable For Personal And Financial Growth appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/the-importance-of-feeling-consistently-uncomfortable/

#Financial Samurai

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the-girlygeek · 7 years

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Hey, I would like some advice, I'm currently 22, trying to get into university, but my anxiety and stress about being too old overwhelms me, and I fall into a slump and lose all motivation. I got rejected from two unis that I really wanted to go to. Any advice? X love you let blog x

Hi there! I’m sorry that you’ve been rejected, but I definitely don’t think it’s the end for you! 💛 I’m not an expert but I’ll try my best to share my thoughts. Let’s face it: rejection is the worst. However it’s completely unavoidable in life, especially when you are striving to achieve big things. Nothing worth having comes easily. I know that your age probably makes you feel like you’re behind in life, but I guarantee you are not. I’ve shared classes with two people in their forties.There are probably lots of things you’ve accomplished in these past few years outside of academics, real-life skills are just as, if not more, valueable than academic skills. You are just as worthy and just as capable at everyone else in those universities, but you have to prove it! I think that being able to get back up after a failure is an extremely admirable quality, and perseverance speaks volumes about you as a person. I know that after rejection you sometimes start to feel worthless, or foolish, but you can’t let those thoughts consume you and hold you back from trying again. You won’t win that way. If getting into uni is something that you truly want, don’t stop yourself from getting there by wallowing around for too long. Sure, you can be sad, and maybe even cry for a few days, but it’s moving on from it that matters. Also, I know you had your heart set on those two unis, but please consider the alternatives! Personally, I had my heart set on a certain degree, but I didn’t get a high enough grade to be accepted and settled for my alternative option at the same university. I’m still in that 2nd option now, but if I manage to maintain a 3.5 GPA this semester I’ll get to transfer into my first choice. Sometimes you have to take a detour, and it might be longer and harder, but it’ll get you to where you want to be eventually. I recommend researching other entry schemes or pathways available at those unis, or looking at other schools too. Somewhere is better than nowhere, right?

In terms of motivation, I think it’s helpful to think about why exactly you want to get into uni. Is there a certain course you want? To pursue a certain career? Or to make your parents, or yourself proud? Focus on how much you want that certain outcome. Keep it in the back of your mind at all times. I kid you not, I have multiple post it notes that say “Do it for the 3.5!” in random spots around my house to remind me of why I am working so hard. Remind yourself of why you’re doing this. You want to grow your mind and learn, and make something of yourself! That’s bloody awesome, but also challenging and getting rejected at first is nothing to be ashamed about. Keep going.

Unfortunately motivation doesn’t always work, and I’m painfully aware of it. I am often easily motivated, but I think that a huge part of it is discipline. Some days I have to force myself to sit at my desk. I block all social media sites on my laptop, turn off my phone and don’t let myself leave my seat until it’s done. It’s not as peachy as studyblr photos make it out to be, but it’s a harsh reality. If you have to, don’t be afraid to force yourself to fill out applications, or research other unis. Maybe even enlist the help of a friend to check your progress and keep you accountable, you’re not alone in this endeavour. I think the support of your loved ones really helps, you stay on track. They ultimately want what’s best for you, so don’t be afraid to talk to them about it too.

I really, truly hope this has helped in some way. I wish you all the best, my friend. I hope that you’ll keep trying and that some day you’ll be able to write me back and tell me you got in! Persevere!!!!! 💛😊 Love, Maddie

#tgganswers #answered

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sudojess · 7 years

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Productivity, Podcasts, and Survivorship Bias

These past 12 months I’ve been thinking a lot about productivity, and the systems other people use. It started a year ago to the day I’m writing this. On June 1st 2016 I started a new job. My travel time tripled from 20 minutes to 60. To pass the time, I decided to start listening to podcasts, or rather, a single podcast, Hello Internet.

What I didn’t realise, is how much that podcast ended up changing my life.

Hello Internet describes itself as a “two dudes talking” podcast, and honestly I couldn’t think of a less interesting, but more fitting description. The “two dudes” are CGP Grey, and Brady Haran, both produce videos for Youtube and other platforms. I’d say the majority of their videos are educational in some way.

The discussion on the podcast is now almost entirely about the podcast itself, referencing old episodes, in-jokes, or following up on listener feedback. In the beginning though, it was a slightly different beast.

In the beginning of the podcast, there was a lot of discussion on how Grey and Brady work. Their differences and similarities. While Grey has no set upload schedule, his work is consistently solid and entertaining. Brady uploads much more frequently, and also maintains a good quality in his videos.

This work-discussion really interested me, Grey has a number of habits that seem odd, but work for him, and he presents good arguments for why he does what he does. His arguments really resonated with me, and so I really started thinking about how I work, and what I can do to improve that.

As I said above, I’d started a new job, it was in a similar field as before (web development), but in a vastly different environment. There were more layers to management, it was one big project instead of many smaller ones, and instead of working with 1 other person, I was working with about 20 other people.

We had a ticketing system at this new job, and tickets could remain open for a decent length of time, waiting on other tickets to complete, a staff member to come back off holiday, or any number of reasons. As a result, you could end up with a large number of tickets assigned to you, and no idea which is the next step to take.

So I developed a system, one where I knew exactly what tickets were available to work on, a system where as tickets were completed, I’d always know which is next, there was cascading, priorities, all that good stuff. I’d tried out a number of apps, and at that point, I was settled on Hitask.

I’d never been so productive, my bottleneck has always been my productivity, this time it was my skill that was holding me back. And that can always improve. I realise that it might sound like a humble brag, but I feel like it’s something I’m allowed to be proud of.

So I kept listening to the podcast, and I kept working on my productivity system. I changed jobs again, this time something with an even longer commute and more stress (although in a field I really wanted to gain some experience in). I did manage to apply my newly found productivity skills and methods into managing a team, which went well, up until I quit for reasons I won’t go into.

Now, I quit my job quite suddenly. I had some savings, but not much, I certainly wasn’t prepared, and this time, I decided to go back to full time freelance from home. I was confident I could do it, and I failed.

I mean, I failed for the first 2 months. I had nothing of significance lined up, I had bills piling up, and depression creeping its head around the corner.

Working from home presents a number of different challenges than working in an office. I had to change everything about how I work, I had to change my productivity system, I rewrote it from the ground up.

Work started to trickle in, then pile in. I wasn’t ready, and I crashed hard. I think I needed that crash in honesty, it really helped me focus on what my limits are.

I started listening to Cortex, a show specifically about productivity and how the 2 hosts work. That really gave me the kick I needed.

Over the past 3 months, I’ve been building a new productivity system, I’ve moved to todoist, I’m using paper, I moved my office to a more dedicated room, lay out both long and short term goals, and many other things I plan on outlining in another blog post.

Now onto survivorship bias.

I listen to a lot of ‘successful’ people. People who have a job they really enjoy, and can support the life they want from it. Many business owners, creatives, and public figures.

A lot of these people talk about what they did to help them get there, and I see a lot of talk from people saying to ignore that advice.

The idea being, a lot of the information they provide might not have helped them at all, they just think it did because they’re successful. I can see where people think this, but I disagree. I disagree, at least, that you can’t glean any useful information from these people and their methods.

I’m not successful. I likely never will be, the chances are tiny. Success is a personal thing and my definition of success might not be yours, but for me to deem myself successful, there’s a long list of criteria.

None of this means I won’t try. The chances might be tiny, but I’ll do what I can, and I do think listening to those who have ‘made it’ can really help. As detailed above, I’m developing systems to help productivity and concentration, I’m keeping goals in mind. Heck, as of a recent video I’ve watched, I’m going to physically write them down and keep them somewhere.

I recently watched Burnie Burn’s Vlog on motivation, and that really sparked the whole idea behind this section of the post. There’s no denying Burnie has a successful business and personal life. If I can do half as much in my life as he does, I’ll be happy. If he tells me that he works on discipline, that he isn’t afraid to make mistakes, he learns how to work without motivation, I’ll take that advice. I can’t dismiss it just because he might have been in the right place at the right time.

Hopefully in the future, I’ll have more to say on the topic, maybe I’ll be closer to my goals, I hope so.

#productivity #podcasts #success #entreprenuership #business #survivorship

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mybumpbirthandbeyond · 4 years

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The Catalyst - Part 2

I’ve always been a bit of an idealist and someone who stands up for myself. I’m not in any way confrontational, but when it comes to it, I’ll not be pushed about. I’ve always had strong values and beliefs, and truly believe that if someone can’t stand up for themselves, you stand up for them and advocate on their behalf. I guess that’s why I was so keen to be court lawyer. I always knew I was going to do Criminal Law - I just never expected it to be defence! You may meet those as guilty as sin, but ultimately, there are always those who truly need help and that was one of the things that always kept me going when the negatives of the job crept in.

Being the lawyer in the family, (although no longer), means I am the go-to for complaint letters. I write a mean complaint letter – articulate, but you sure as hell know I’ll not miss when I have a point to make. When it comes to my own postnatal care, I’ve mentioned how I wished I had argued more at the start and pushed to make sure I wasn’t signed off when my son could have been blinded by an e.coli infection in his eye at just one week old. I should have pushed back when I was told – ‘yeah I can feel all the way down to your bowel. Here’s a tubi grip and if needs be, get your GP to refer you to a physio at your 6 week check.’ My physio had that chat with me at the low point of my rehab. Contact patient relations – something was missed. That was the catalyst for what I very much hope will be major change.

To recap – I spoke with patient relations who put me in touch with the head of Maternity Services in Fife. I made it clear I wasn’t complaining - more investigating. This cannot happen again. She was very helpful and said she would have a clinical manager look into my notes and what process, if any, was followed. That was November. I should expect to hear something a few weeks later.

December came and I had my consult with Antony, as well as my ultrasound. I was feeling more positive and definitely felt there was progress and work to be done, but still hadn’t heard. When I finally did, they wanted me to meet face to face with Maternity Services and Physiotherapy. At last, something was happening! Finally, I would know what was missed.

The meeting took place in January. I had already seen my physio that just before Christmas. At that point she told me I should expect to hear soon – my notes had been requested by the clinical manager, and she had already been spoken to. Her interim manager had also been spoken to, and would likely be present at any meeting. The manager and a Maternity Services Manager (on behalf of the Head) were there with patient relations. My husband came with me. Initially I didn’t even think of having him there, but I was glad I did – another pair of ears, but a supporter who could relay my story from his point of view.

Here’s an obvious statement and I am pretty sure in any profession – including my own – we’ve always been told the merits of saying sorry when you’re wrong, and particularly in a situation that could result in legal action. It doesn’t always mean an admission of liability, but I have the feeling the NHS are so jaded from legal action that some are incapable of saying it. Sorry goes a long way. Half the time when I write a complaint, if there was an apology there wouldn’t be a complaint – admit you’ve done wrong and then make sure it never happens again. I made mistakes as a lawyer and I was dealing with someone’s liberty. I know the stakes are so much higher in the healthcare, medical etc professions, but the principle is the same.

I basically told them my story to the point I was at. I never mentioned my consults with Grainne or Antony – why should I? I did that through my own volition (thanks to my physio’s encouragement), and their kindness and generosity in hearing my story. I pay taxes and was cared for by the NHS. I was never abusive, I never took advantage. I was the model patient and more than that, I’m damn well-read on most things – I understood medical terms, I did my research and never put a foot wrong.

They were both sympathetic but it was the head of Physio (let’s call her Y) who said the words ‘I’m sorry.’ They aren’t the ones who need to apologise. The Physio department has done everything for me – how could they have done more if they didn’t know about me???

The woman from Maternity Services, let’s call her X, was that sympathetic way but more like ‘nothing we could do.’ I think that’s what pissed me off the most. It was almost like she was trying to make excuses. She told me that I wouldn’t have been seen within 8 weeks anyway, because the body takes that long to more or less go back to normal after giving birth – in terms of uterus etc. I already knew that (I did my research) but if I had been referred earlier, it wouldn’t have taken almost 4 MONTHS for my first appointment!!! Who knows what progress could have been made in that time. Are there referral processes in place? Her answer was any midwife can refer a patient to a pelvic health physio antenatally or postnatally at any point. So basically, I didn’t have to wait until my 6 week check with my GP and that midwife could have referred me. Or as I was told, I should have been examined on the ward and referred during my two night stay. ‘The uterus is still very much an abdominal organ at the point after giving birth, so it would have been impossible to tell about the diastasis.’ Really?! Then how was it that the community midwife felt my bowel two days later? I’m not suggesting it would have happened straight after giving birth, but if there is a referral process on the ward, why does it exist if these diagnoses can’t be made at that point? (My physio has since said what she said was rubbish!)

I pointed out I was examined by a student midwife before being discharged. Nothing against those learning – I’ve been there myself and we all have to start somewhere, but would it not make more sense to have someone supervising the student who isn’t even finished her degree at that stage?

Was anything in my notes then after it was discovered when I got home? ‘No.’

Just let that sink in – NO. A midwife examines your stomach and sinks her hand all the way down to your bowel. Is that normal? No. Is that a good sign? No. Is it significant? Yes. But let’s not bother writing that in the notes…REALLY?!?!?!? It takes a lot to render me speechless, but I’m quickly finding out that’s becoming all too common on my postpartum journey. If I didn’t write something material in a client’s file, it could mean something major missed and we lost in court – may have even led to the person being refused bail and put in jail. I could easily get disciplined at the very least, if not sacked. If someone medical leaves something out in someone’s notes, surely that’s on the same, if not a worse level of incompetence??!?!?!

Y was very kind – she was trying very hard to find a polite way of saying ‘you’re an extreme case.’ I think the words she used were – ‘cases like yours are uncommon.’ I acknowledged that I’ve learnt that very quickly and I’m not offended. She pointed out that she was so sorry because I am the type of person they need to see – not those with 1 or 2 finger/non-existent gaps. They explained there was meant to be a process but what made me realise how important this meeting was, was when Y asked me what did I want to happen. What had to change?

My physio had already told me they were going to put posters up on the labour wards about diastasis. I guess next time I’m there I’ll know they’re because of me. Posters aren’t really going to cut it though – there needs to be drastic change. How often are posters up on the walls at your work and no one pays a blind bit of notice to them? My husband pointed this very thing out. I told them they need them up in antenatal clinics as well. I unleashed my pent up anger at the breastfeeding agenda. I wasn’t abusive – I was just blunt. ‘No offence, but the breastfeeding agenda the NHS has is everywhere you look. Women have absolutely no idea about Diastasis. There should be as much about this, as there is about breastfeeding.’ I stand by my point – and it’s not just because breastfeeding epically failed me either. Those of you who receive a Bump Birth Baby book at your booking appointment. Have you noticed (or maybe not) that there’s a minuscule paragraph on mastitis? I got it twice in two weeks, with an abscess requiring referral to the breast clinic. Thrush? Nothing on it at all. I got it within two weeks of giving birth. Diastasis? Not a damn thing. I appreciate you don’t want to scaremonger, but can you at least mention it and direct people to where they can get help? Is that really so much to ask? This is what I pointed out.

Y then asked me if I had known about Diastasis before this happened. Everyone knows the answer to this – no. How could I? I’m a firsttime mum and not even those qualified to tell me, told me about it.

That then leads me on to the next point I hammered home. Midwives are not trained properly. They have next to no clue about this and that’s what worries me the most. I appreciate they have no control over the University course, but training on the job should be mandatory. Your muscles separating during pregnancy may be normal, but no one knows about it. This means people are returning to exercise without knowing what they can and can’t do, potentially causing further damage. If this is a result of pregnancy, why the hell don’t know they about it???

There’s a common theme here you may have noticed – Y is doing all the talking. I think X is frightened that if she says too much I’ll go into legal mode (I did drop it in). Y said she was aware they would need to collaborate more and get training organised. Apparently, they are now under the same line management and collaboration should be much easier. She said would I be happy to be contacted? I agreed and said I’d be happy for my name to be used in any case studies etc, but also happy to be used physically in any training. Practical training is surely best for any practical role.

X’s parting offering, was to suggest she get the newly allocated perinatal mental health midwife to give me a call. Probably because my husband gave a rather frank assessment on what this has done for my mental health. Parenting is hard enough without this on my plate, and the news it might never improve. I agreed she could contact me, all the while thinking, I doubt much will come of this (more on that later).

I’d like to think when I left the room, there was a sigh of relief from Maternity Services. I still made it clear how much I respected the midwives and I wasn’t there to make a complaint. However, as I said in the meeting, I’m confident enough to advocate on my own behalf, but what about those who can’t? What about those are who don’t have the support I do?

I’d also like to think they looked at each other and realised they have some serious work to do. This meeting may have been a catalyst for change, but this has to be the beginning, not ‘thank god we dodged a bullet.’

My physio told me some shocking information. She had sent someone from her department in the hospital where I gave birth on a fact-finding mission. Asking a variety of midwives on the labour and postnatal ward about their knowledge of diastasis and what they would do. Newly qualified; those at the end of their careers; those from different health boards who had transferred etc. Some knew what it was under different guises (rectus sheath, DRA, diastasis); others had no clue. Some had a vague idea of what they would do; others had no clue. One person, ONE PERSON knew what it was, and the process of how to assess and then refer. That one person was relatively newly qualified, but had trained in Edinburgh, where apparently, this is standard practice. So because I live over the bridge, a mere few miles from Edinburgh, I got the shit end of the stick when it came to care for my diastasis. How can this not be standard practice ACROSS THE NATION? Across every practice involved in the care of pregnant women and those who are in the postnatal period? Let alone across two health boards separated by a bridge over a river less than 20 miles from each other.

When I saw my own physio after the meeting it was interesting to hear what Y had relayed. She basically told my physio and her colleague they would have to put a training plan in place for midwives, and my physio would be more than likely the one to run it. She told me she would start looking at it after Grainne’s conference, with the most up to date information available. I realised in that moment that we were both on the brink of bringing about real change to antenatal and postnatal practice. I said to her – ‘you are in a position to make something happen. You could be breaking ground with this training.’ If this comes off, my suffering won’t be for nothing. I will not have been through all of this in vain. That’s what I’ve wanted since the start. If my blog helps one person to know to get seen by someone before returning to exercise; it if helps that GP be a better doctor in those 6 week checks; if it helps an aspiring midwife improve their knowledge; if it helps that new mum get through the day; and if my experience of Diastasis helps those who come after me, then none of this will have been in vain. That’s what keeps me going when I hit rock bottom. And if I can be a catalyst for change, then no one should suffer as I have suffered.

#mybumpbirthandbeyond #firsttimemum #newmum #postpartumrecovery #diastasisrecti

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jajukhayekaju · 4 years

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End of a decade.

I had a meltdown a few days back. Most of 2019 was like 2018 and 2017. It was mostly happy and peaceful. Meltdowns are a thing of my past, they’re rarer and infrequent now. This December, I had one.

I’m not sure what triggered it: my friends getting married, switching jobs, getting awards or promoted, travelling, or generally posting life updates on social media. But it triggered a tsunami of emotions within me.

This decade was a trying decade. It started with me studying for IITJEE, post which I lost all mojo to study. I just wanted to unwind. I sort had assumed that I’m going to sail through. This was the beginning of my rebellion. I hooked up my PC and bought a hard disk. I started watching How I Met Your Mother, watched porn for the first time. So began a few years of downloading a lot of movies, books and games. I loved my computer and had a deep attachment to it. It isn’t that I was an ideal student. I was reckless even then. I did not realise the importance of studying for 12th boards. I screwed them up and didn’t qualify for BITS despite a great score. I was once even afraid that I might get more than 60% - that’s how lightly I had taken it.

I’m lucky I made it out of Roorkee and I’m lucky I made it to Lucknow. I’m lucky I made it out of Lucknow and I’m lucky I made it to Samsung. I’m lucky I’m still with Samsung today. Sometimes I don’t appreciate my luck enough, because I sometimes I start to think that I deserve much more than this. But someone who is not disciplined, or can’t regulate his behaviour, does not deserve to get too far. But our jobs or salary slips don’t define us.

2019 was a year when I put in my best efforts to regularise my life. I kept my expectations low, I neglected my career. But it sort of blew up in my face, because I realised soon enough I wasn’t happy where I was and I really didn’t have a goal for the future. Somewhere along the way I started to think that I won’t be able to achieve any goal set for myself because I lack the people skills, time management and discipline, or the emotional stability for it.

I’m 27. I took a pause when punched those digits on the keyboard because I want it to sink in. Lately I had started thinking I had missed the bus, plane, train and all the transport available to my dreams. It felt like I’m struggling to take off and I have reached the end of the runway. I could no longer be all the things I wanted to be.

But it is a thought that doesn’t stand scrutiny. Surely, I can’t be a doctor now, because I left that bus long back. If I wanted to get into computer engineering, I surely am at a 10 year disadvantage compared to my peers. I can’t be a sportsperson or an actor, but that has nothing to do with the choices I made in this decade. I don’t have the physique for a sportsperson, I never really had much interest in sports. I had a brief interest in becoming a cricket bowler, I fancied becoming a fast bowler. But that didn’t last. I don’t have the looks or personality to be an actor. Maybe personality can be improved upon with years of training aspiring actors have. Looks I can’t do too much about. Unless dwarfs and side kicks are what I want to be on the screen. I can’t be a gangster because I don’t have a nerve or stomach for it. I’m quite an ethical guy and there aren’t any ethical gangsters. I can’t be an international art thief like Neal Caffrey. But it’s not like I want to be those guys even now. It’s just that at my age I’m slowly coming to terms with the reality that all the possibilities we like to keep alive in our head are just bubbles of improbably fantasy waiting to be pricked someday.

We have to accept who we have become in order to become who want to be. Fairly counter-intuitive, just a like a lot of other things I have come discover or realise about human mind, or my mind specifically. I have a serious lack of confidence in myself, something which is an aberration, given I haven’t done so badly myself. It’s just I keep searching for external validation and I don’t get much of it, or at least the amounts I need. Sometimes hardly at all. Therefore, I’m not able to live up to my expectations. I hope to be able tone it down next year.

I want to enter this new decade with forward-looking orientation. 2020s. Another set of ten years in which I can become a lot of things. I want to deeply ask of myself: what is it that I like? I know a few things, top of my mind. I want to write better. When I write better, I think better. I want to write like someone in the New Yorker. I want to be well-read, interesting, funny and effortlessly charming, and be the best story-teller around. I want to attract good people, have things to say, that they seek me out to listen to me. I want to keep a stable job that earns me decent money, if at all my fantasy of starting a business doesn’t work out. I want to explore the vastness of human knowledge. I want to converse with the best minds our species has produced through their writing. I want to laugh everyday. I want to be healthy and have a thick flock of hair on my head. I want to be able to run like 15 year old. I want to visit Europe. I want to work abroad. I want to fall in love. I want to learn to cook. I want to rediscover my passion for movies. I want write poetry and live a life worthy of prose. I hope my kindle will never lay untouched in my shelf in a state of discharge for months, again.

This decade I just want to think less and live a little more.

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olusegundare · 6 years

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AMERICANA’S DIARY XIX-XXIII

AMERICANA'S DIARY XIX: AGED FRIEND'S MISDEMEANOUR

“Okay”, as Bodmas stands up, walked to the door, opening the

door, while Sẹgẹ locks the door. We walked to the car, opened the car’s doors

and we started going, heading towards the east….

“This road has not been tarred before I left this state”,

Bodmas said as he continued driving

“Oh yes, I think it was tarred 7 years ago”, Sẹgẹ said

“I have left the state then, and I have even left the

country then”, Bodmas said

“But, I think you left the country about 5 years ago…”

Bodmas interrupting Sẹgẹ , “Nope. No, not at all. At the

initial when I left, I left about 10 years ago, then, I was on a contract terms

with some companies up there, then, I was like being on the air almost always,

shuttling between the country and the States to represent her here and to get

more information up there…”

Sẹgẹ coming in said, “I do not think I was aware of your emigration until half a decade ago, even

then, what I heard was that you were still unsettled and would not want your

number to be given to just anyone…”

“Oh yea, initially when I moved out, my mummy said I should limit

the giving of my contacts to people, because “gbogbo ‘lizard’ lo da inu de ilẹ,

a o si mọ eleyi ti inu nrun lara wọn”, and I do not want her miffed, so I had

to tell people not to give out my numbers to just anyone, if anyone asks of me

they should just reply that I am fine…”

“Oh yea, I understand. You know our parents are protecting

us. They would not want any evil to betide us, what we sometimes consider

insiginificant, they would read into it, and most of the times what they use to

tell us usually come out true, it is only very few ones that do not come out

right”, Sẹgẹ said

“Yes, I know, I quite agree. I did not argue with her when

she said that, despite the fact that I know and everyone in my house also knows

that my friends are very limited, they are countable, those who know my house

out of my friends are about four outside you and Dee”, Bodmas said as he

negotiated a huge crater on the road, thus holding back his words.

“Gently oh”, Sẹgẹ said.

“Thanks… Despite this fact, yet, I abide by her words and

instructed people not to give people my number and if anyone comes asking they

should just tell them that I am not around. To corroborate your words that

sometimes our parents could be prophetic in their utterances, do you know that

what my mother said about my former fiancée came to pass?”

“Are you serious?” Sẹgẹ

asked

“Oh yes. When my former fiancée Ìgbayilọla and I visited my

family before I travelled out do you know that my mum said, she doubts if

Ìgbayilọla would marry me…”

“Hen, hen”, Sege said

“I asked her for what she saw before saying that but she

would not say, she just said, she does not look like someone who will marry

me”, Bodmas said

“And what she said came to pass”, Sege said.

“Oh yes. She broke up with me”, Bodmas said.

“Thank God, you are not the one who called it off with her,

because assuming you were, people would have said it was because you have seen

a scadinavian or something that you are dating there”, Sege said.

“I know. That is what people will say”

“Hmn mn”, Sege said

“Just as you have said, our parents are like shield round

us, often times through their words they will give us a route of escape from

the enemies and the evil ones. And as she said no one was given my contacts

until I gave Dee my number through the email address, because before I left we

used to talk on my previous email account it was through email that I gave him

my number because I have lost all the numbers of friends when I left the

country” Bodmas said

“Uhmn. When I finished serving the country, I visited your

house but, there was no one at home that day, later I saw Tee around the Post

office area and before we could have indepth discussion he secured a taxi and

left, but what he managed to tell me was that you are no longer around, you

have travelled. Since he said that I did not bother myself going to your house

again. Afterwards, my movements become restricted because I started to build my

business due to this and the fact that my Sundays have always been a busy one,

to try and see Tee again became a problem, until I left the town”, Sẹgẹ said,

as he continued “and I do not think I really have your email account after

graduation”

“Nope. Not at all. I do not have your email account then.

This I think was largely due to the fact that everyone of us has been trying to

do something with our certificates with all of us scattered all over the

country. Since, this mobile network is for the rich but not for low class

persons then, majority of us usually have faith that everyone would be fine

wherever they are as well as trying to find his or her feet in his or her

chosen discipline”, Bodmas replied.

“I know”, Sẹgẹ said, adding that “and when majority of us

went to the cybercafés then, whatever we want to do at the cybercafé would have

been planned and anything short of that would hardly be entertained so that the

bought time would not lapse before we finished what we were at the place for.

What could only give room for other things on the net would be when one goes

for night browsing”

“I doubt if I ever do night browsing”, Bodmas said.

“Neither do I, there was one time like that, that my junior

brother wants us to go for night browsing, but we heard that some cultists were

on rampage and that put the intents on hold”, Sẹgẹ said.

“I have never for once like night browsing”, Bodmas said,

continuing he said, “I only got Dee’s email account per chance too, this is

because there was a time that I came around for an interview, before travelling

out of the country, he was also at the interview centre and that was how and

where we met and exchanged our email account to be updating each other on the

outcome of the interview, and in case we see any vacancy. Unfortunately for

both of us, none of us was employed at the firm and fortunate for us because we

have each other’s contact. It was through this email account that I updated him

about my developments very much later”, Bodmas said.

“I see. I did not come across Dee until after he secured

employment with the institution. After he secured employment, he came around to

my business centre, he wanted to print one of his PhD works at a computer

centre close by my shop, that was when we see, exchanged our phone numbers, in

fact then, I have just secured a Sagem product and got a line, assuming we had

met earlier, maybe, I would not have had his number…”

“But you could still have had it, you would just write it

down”, Bodmas said wisely

“Yes that is true ‘sha’. It was after this, at least once a

month we shall talk, if not through phone it will come through text”, Sẹgẹ

said, and continued,”I got this”, Sẹgẹ showing Bodmas the phone as he continued

“android phone last month, it was a fall-out of my ministration at the church I

was invited to, one lady said, God has laid it on her heart to give me”

“Uhmn. Thanks to God that God could still be laying things

in some people’s hearts”, Bodmas said.

“Abi o. having got

that, I have also been on social media and thus it was easy for Dee to brief me

about you as well as some few colleagues”, Sẹgẹ said

Their car has reached the junction, “where do I trafficated

to?” Bodmas asked.

“Trafficat to the right”, Sẹgẹ said, using his right hand to

show what he means.

“Okay oh. Is this not the way that leads to the state

capital’s new Water Dam?” Bodmas asked.

“Oh yes, but you know that the road to the dam is off the

main road, it is the main road that we will be following until we get to its terminus,

where it links with the road that leads outside the state’s capital, we will

turn left when we get there, looking as we are going into the heart of the town

before we link the road that leads to the institution”, Sẹgẹ said

“I see”, Bodmas said, as he drives on

“That road helps us to avoid hold-ups that we will likely

encounter if we take the other route”, Sẹgẹ said.

“There was a day when Dee and I was chatting and he narrated

what happened between you and Lee when you were in the States”, Sẹgẹ said.

“Oh yea, I was the one who briefed him. It happened when I

was still working with those companies. Before I left the country, I have

gotten Lee’s email account and we have been talking and when I got to the

states we continued our discussions and sometimes will even talk on phone”,

Bodmas honks his car horn to warn a lady and a guy who are majestically walking

while crossing the road, “look at these people as they are walking on the

highway?” Bodmas said as if Sẹgẹ was not seeing them

“Ẹ má mà dá wọn lohun,

that is how they will defiantly be walking when they see a vehicle

coming, meanwhile when they see cattle coming they will flee”, Sẹgẹ said.

“Alakoba ti kì í kágò mà ni wọn”, Bodmas said, removing his

leg from the accelerator, the car slows down a bit, giving them room to leave

the road as he continued, “whenever one is driving one needs to be

extra-careful because some will be acting as if they are under curses”

“And who can tell, may be they are actually under some

spells”, Sẹgẹ said.

“Wọn a rìn síwájú ti nwọn ba nwa ẹniti wọn a kóbá”, Bodmas

said

“Abi o”, Sẹgẹ said.

“So Lee and I used to talk frequently then. Then one day the

management of the company I was working with as a contract staff decided to

send me to the state where he resides for a work, and I phoned our friend that

I will be in his state on so and so date to so and so date so that we would see

and chat after about 20 years of separation. I used to inform him of my moves.

When I eventually got to the state he lives I called to inform him that I am

now in the state he resides in. After the call subsequent calls he did not

answer it again. Then I said to myself, what has come over Lee, does he think I

want to be a burden on him? Afterall, the company has booked the hotel I will

stay at, with feeding allowances for each day, in fact I do have extra money on

me from my daily feeding allowances, and if anything, assuming we see, I am the

one who will ‘breathe on him’. Since then, I just ignored him…”

“That is good”, Sẹgẹ said

“Foo, our friend in Ireland later briefed me that Lee send

message to him that he received my voice messages, that was how I knew that

what he did was deliberate”, Bodmas said

“Don’t mind them, I don’t know what usually come over them.

When I also got to the state that I relocated to, I was staying with one of our

friends, A.J. do you still remember him?” Sẹgẹ asked

“Quite well, I remember him”, Bodmas said

“A.J. said when he secured employment with one of the

Federal Institutions in the state, because he is now a lecturer there, he said

what comes to his mind was living with one of the Christian brethren there, but

on phoning them, what they said was that he was one of the 419 people who was

out to dupe them. He said he was highly disappointed” Sẹgẹ said

“Before I travelled out, such happened to me too, then, I

travelled to Ondo state and I have gotten Kenny’s phone from Foo before, so

when I got to Ondo state, I called Kenny, introducing myself to him, but what

he said was that he did not think he has ever come across such name before…”

“Uhmn mn?” Sẹgẹ said interjectingly

“Since then, I am no longer blasé about what our people do

again”, Bodmas said.

“Ki Eledumare ‘sha’

ma se rere fun gbogbo wa”, Sẹgẹ said.

“Amin o. seeing one

another after a long time of separation is a thing of joy to me, through that,

something good may crop up so I believe, because no one can tell you may know

someone who will be of assistance to me and so may I”, Bodmas said

“That is true. Some do not know that, or may be they know

but they think they have arrived and do not need others assistance again”, Sẹgẹ

said.

“That is why many of them are not making appreciable

progress. I met a guy whom we lived in the same room together one day in Osun

state capital before I travel out and what would have taken me hours to achieve,

he sorted it out for me within minutes”, Bodmas said.

“That is the joy there”, Sẹgẹ said as the car moves on….

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“That is the joy there”, Sẹgẹ said as the car moves on….,

traficatting to the North again, moved for about 1000 metres and then

traficated to the East again,

“Did you remember this place?” Bodmas asked Sẹgẹ

“I know this place”, Sẹgẹ replied.

“I know you know this place, after all you are my pilot

today, that is not what I mean…”

“Okay what do you mean?” Sẹgẹinteruptingly asking

“What I am saying is do you remember this place when we were

in Secondary school, when FOO said we should follow him to his house or were

you not one of us then?” Bodmas asked

“Oh, yes, I remember, we were three excluding FOO that day,

I recollect vividly”, Sẹgẹ replied.

“Look at the transformation here. Then, who could tell that

this place will look like this? This is a great change”, Bodmas said

“The development of this area is quite stunning. And the

rapid development is linked with the incessant religious crises that use to

happen within the town then. The crisis between Christians and Muslims, that

was what forced many immigrants to this area, they moved away from where their

properties would be easily damaged and destroyed without ‘no’ government

curbing them…”

“I see”, Bodmas said interjectingly

“That is why this area has great advancements even more than

our areas because people still feel that those of us living at those areas are

prone to attacks” Sẹgẹ said

“Uhmn mn”, Bodmas said, continuing, “this junction then is

full of bushes, one could hardly see people in this area particularly in the

afternoon, school children would be afraid when going home alone through this

place then”

“I remember. I know we were walking-running or

running-walking that day. Sometimes afterwards when I wanted to visit FOO, I

think that was during our long term break, we coincidentally met at the market

square, and I asked him the safest time to pay him a visit, his reply was if I

would be coming, I would take some kind of route that leads outside the town,

that place I was not so familiar with…”

“Was it the exit he took us through after knowing his house

then?” Bodmas asked

“Oh yes, that road that we will have to cross a stream like

this, and you know that end is not straight forward like this route”, Sẹgẹ said

“I know” Bodmas said

“When he said that, I know I cannot visit him, what I just

say was that I would try, but I know I will not visit him, ‘ọmọ tí kò ni òbí kì

í légbò lẹhin…’”

Bodmas completes the Yoruba proverb, “nitori tó bá ni egbò lẹhin

kò si ẹniti yio ba fí I”

“Abi o. So that was why I could not pay him a visit”,

Sẹgẹ said

“All those routes too by now would have become motorable or

something…”

“That place is within the houses. You know our people now,

everyone who buys a land would not want to leave space for others, so that

place, vehicles cannot pass there oh, it is for the pedestrians alone” Sẹgẹ said

“What of the stream?” Bodmas asked

“The stream is still there, but it is not as big as before,

I think greenhouse effect has its toil on it…”

“Uhmn”, Bodmas said

“And now they have constructed a pedestrian bridge on it”, Sẹgẹ

said.

“Okay. At least people would walk across to the other street

through that”, Bodmas said

“Yes oh” Sẹgẹ replied.

As their car gets to the roundabout. Here, their car would

turn right again, that is the straight road leading to the campus. There are

much of activities here than before which Bodmas cannot but talked about

although there are certain much of muchness features around. After driving for

about 500 metres from the roundabout, Bodmas said,

“These people may likely be students”

“Oh yeah. Particularly those with some books by their

sides”, Sẹgẹ said.

“People still ‘dey’ struggle to board bus to campus here

like during our days”, Bodmas said

“To put a vehicle on the road is not easy, not during this

meltdown of a thing. Those who are even doing transportation business complain

because things are not easy too for them”, Sẹgẹ said

“That is it. Things are not easy generally. And for some who

are making it, because many are complaining that things are not easy, they will

also be complaining I don’t know why they are doing that”, Bodmas said

“Ọgbọn ni aráiyé ndá si, awọn Yoruba wipe, bí isu ẹni bá ta

nse là nda ọwọ bò ó jẹ”, Sẹgẹ said.

“Uhmn. No one knows who is really who. No one knows who is

envying someone, and who may want to attack the person spiritually” Bodmas

said.

“That is it. That is why our people are difficult. That is

why some people used to tell lies about their status” Bodmas slowed down,

parked beside some people, and hooted his horn, rolling down the windows, “is

anything the matter?” Sẹgẹ asked looking surprised

“Everything is fine. I see that these guys are students and

I feel like carrying some students into the campus”, the guys walked to us,

windows are down now

“Okay” Sẹgẹ said

“Are you going to the campus?” Bodmas asked

The tallest among the three looked at the other two before

answering, “Yes sir” when he saw that there are no signs of doubt on the faces

of others

“If you don’t mind, we can give you a ride to the place”,

Bodmas said

“Alright sir, thank you sir”, he said on behalf of others as

he took some steps back to open the back door, he found it yet locked as Bodmas

said,

"Leave the car knob”, Bodmas said

“Wọn ni ki o fi silẹ”, the smallest echoed it to him,

“Okay sir. Sorry sir”, he replied.

When he left the knob, Bodmas presssed the central lock as

the knocks sounded “pra” and the doors were unlocked.

“You may now open it”, Bodmas said. The guy opened the door

and they entered the car, closed the door gently and the doors were locked

again “pra”, it sounded as Bodmas puts the car back on the road again while the

students started saying in turns, “Thank you sir”, one said, “Ẹ se sir”, the

second one said “Thanks sir”, the third person’s words. Their words were

uttered in centiseconds’ time frame from one another, but because it was not

the same tone that is why it could be deciphered

“Jesu seun”, Bodmas replied as we continued our discussion

“So everyone lies now because no one can realy say who is

who”, Sẹgẹ finally said.

“Aiye totó, aiye akamọra, ọmọ araiye le, ọmọ araiye yio pe

igbá ni ọgbun, wọn a pe ọgbun nígbá”, Bodmas said

“That is how the worldly people are. When we were young, we

used to think what our parents are saying are lies but now that we get to that

position we now know better. You can see that these guys that we want to help

too were skeptical about coming into this car, that is how deplorable the

situation of the world is, no one can be trusted. When one sees anyone riding a

posh car, they should not be envied because we do not know who is who. They may

be “adultnappers” as one of my friends said, that we do not have kidnappers

again but ‘adultnappers”, “oldnappers”, “priestnappers”, just to make money”, Sẹgẹ

enthused. The students smiled

“The quest for money is high now, we are in the end time,

the dangerous time, that is why we all need to move close to God, being sure of

our salvation”, Bodmas said

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“The quest for money is high now, we are in the end time,

the dangerous time, that is why we all need to move close to God, being sure of

our salvation”, Bodmas said

“Oh yes. The time draws nigh now than the previous times”, Sẹgẹ

said, pulling down the visor to prevent the rays of sunlight from entering his

eyes, then continued, “quite appaling now that our professors of faith are not

dishing out the Word as expected unto this generation”

“It really disheartening for some of us who have heard the

raw Word before this present day’s modernized Gospel”, Bodmas said as he slowed

down when he gets to a junction

“That is it oh. And it is these kinds of people that the

youths want and celebrate, they are those who they will call for their revivals

and seminars, but for ‘old fashioned believers like us, no one will celebrate

us, even sometimes when you are being invited to a place you will be cautioned

on the type of words to say”, Sẹgẹ said.

“None the less, we would not give up. It is our

responsibility now like before to help the people know the original from the

counterfeit”, Bodmas said, pedaling the accelerator because the junction has

been cleared, as Bodmas and Sẹgẹ who sits beside him at the front seats are

discussing, those students on the passangers seats are also talking in hushed

tones, one of them said, “like I said before, when you remember “òjò fẹ rọ”, you will remember “tocopherol”, and the

functions of this vitamin you will just add”, another one said, when we

remember “Fadékẹ”, we should remember immediately that that is Fat soluble vitamins”,

“oh yea, yea the other said and the vitamins are A, D, E and K”, he enthused.

They were on these mind stirring recalls when Bodmas said

“I heard that you have started your examinations”

“Yes sir”, the one sitting in the middle answered.

“Okay. How has it been thus far? Bodmas asked.

“We will be writing our first paper today sir”, he replied.

“Oh! I see. I hope you are damn ready to slaughter the

paper”, Bodmas asked

Smiles. “We will try our best sir”, He replied.

“Alright. May the good Lord crown your efforts with

brilliant successes in Jesus name”, Bodmas prayed

“Amen”, they chorused

“Exams are like that all over, even in America, students are

students and sometimes”, Bodmas said, as he slowed down again, the car has

gotten to the main gate to the institution, “it will seem as if one has not

prepare at all for the examination, despite the fact that one has been reading

all this while doing all the tutorials, all the assignments and all what not…”

“Bó se rí nìyẹn o, ‘àgbà wá búra bi èwe ko se ọ ri’”, Sẹgẹ

added

“That is just it, we were once like you, as students of this

institution”, Bodmas said.

“All that one needed in any examination at all is not to

entertain fear. One must have confidence in himself, when one has confidence,

the examination is half a success”, one of them makes a sound with his palate

and tongue coming together, as Sẹgẹ continues while Bodmas slowly follows the

vehicles in front, the security personnels are checking the vehicles, “while

the half comes from what one will put down, but when one starts entertaining

fear, even the very questions or topics so to say that one is acquainted with

one will forget in the examination hall”

Bodmas asked a question, “Please do you know what the

problem is?”

The tallest replied, “sir, the security in the institution

has been beefed up since the 8th world terrorists has gone haywire”

“You mean the Boko Haram people?” Sẹgẹ queried, looking

back.

“Yes sir”, the guy responded and the tall one took it up

from where he stopped

“The institution’s authorities do now want to leave anything

to chances so they have asked the security personels to be checking everyone

and vehicles that want to enter the campus, they will look at the identity

cards of the persons and also look at the students dressings, if students…”

“Whao! But why the dressing?” Bodmas asked.

“The authorities believed the way some of us, students,

dress is nothing to write home about and that such way of dressing is one of

the factors igniting the commiting of atrocities on campus”, the tall guy

enthused.

“Uhmn! But assuming someone is without his or her identity

card won’t the person be permitted to enter the campus?” Bodmas asked.

“Except the person knows a lecturer or an officer on campus

such a person would not be allowed to enter the campus oh”, Tall said

“Assuming the person comes from another state, may be a

fresh graduate of this institution and who is yet to secure an appointment, as

such no identity cards on him or her, and maybe the person wants to process

his/her transcript, would the person not be allowed?” Bodmas asked again to

ascertain what Tall is saying

“The person will not be allowed in sir”, Tall enthused.

“But I don’t think that is fair in the country where one

will register for a national identity card and would not be able to get the

identity card until five or more years. There has to be some concessions for such

people” Sẹgẹ enthused

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“But I don’t think that is fair in the country where one

will register for a national identity card and would not be able to get the

identity card until five or more years. There has to be some concessions for

such people” Sẹgẹ enthused

Taller cleared his throat and said, “May be if the concerned

person talked to the security privately, may be they would give him or her some

concessions or something”

“They ought to do that, because for someone to come all the

way from a very far place and now gets here to be denied entrance into the

school, that would not augur well”, Bodmas said,

“And if the person does not have extra money on him, or may

be the person even borrowed money to come down to the school that would be a

problem, you know, not even considering the risk of life of coming to the

place”, Sẹgẹ said

“The problem with some of the security people is that they

follow to letters instructions except on few occasions when they will apply

wisdom, they would want to be strict and would likely deny such people entrance

into the institution”, Bodmas said as he continues to follow the vehicle before

him

“Sometimes some of those security people cannot be blamed,

��you know’, no one knows who is who among those entering and leaving, sometimes

people can set them up and those who set them up would be the exact same people

who will go and report them to the authorities, ‘láíyé tí kò sisẹ lode yi, ki

isẹ ti eniyan tun nse tún bọ lọwọ rẹ’”, Sẹgẹ said

“Ó lágbára jàre”, Bodmas said as the security cleared the

vehicle before our car, he releases his leg from the break, the car moved to

where the security personnels are, rolling down the windows,

“Good morning sirs”, Security 1 greets us

“Good morning sir”, Bodmas replied.

“Please can I see your identity cards?”, Security 1 asked.

Bodmas placed his leg on the brake now, as he brings out his international

passport for his identification, while Sẹgẹ brings out his National Identity

card and the students start to show their identity cards as hanged across their

necks…. After looking at our identity cards, he signaled to his partners to

allow us in, what was used to barricade the gate was removed, as Security 1

said, “thank you sir, you can now go”

“You are welcome”, Bodmas said, as he removes his leg from

the brake, placing it on the acceleration pedal and the car moved. “Going out

with one’s identity card is good because you cannot tell when the law

enforcement agencies can ask for it”, Bodmas enthused

“That is it. In the years past no one pays attention to

something like this, we walk freely and enter any where without fear”, Sẹgẹ

said.

“Things have drastically changed now, not with the wave of

the killings here and there every now and then”, Bodmas said.

“I still hope the country’s leaderships do something about

the issue of the identity cards it is important, it will help a lot in doing so

many things”, Sẹgẹ said

“They need to work on it. The world has left the stage at

which years would be taken before an identity card would be issued to those who

have registered”, Bodmas said

“All these, our people know, ‘sebi’ they used to travel out

regularly, but no one knows what the problem is with getting things done in the

country”, Sẹgẹ said

“Our problems have been the ones we have known before,

employing those who are not competent to handle some things based on lineage,

some who know how to do it are lazy and except they are pushed they will not

act, when some would not even come to offices, they have selected days of

coming to offices leaving a vacuum when such things like these are in place, it

means they need to be credited for even doing it in years because it ought to

take decade before getting it done” Bodmas said as we all laughed. “Such things

like this would not happen in the States where they know the importance of

something like this”

“Only God would save us”, Sẹgẹ said. We are now approaching

the round-about inside the campus

“Where are we heading to?” Bodmas asked

“We take right, then take road 3, that is where Dee’s

department is moved to now”, Sẹgẹ said.

“Is that the route you are going?” Bodmas asked the

students.

“No sir”, they chorused, while the Tallest said,

“After the round-about pull over for us to alight sir”

“Okay”, Bodmas said, moved a bit and parked “wishing you the

very best in your exams today oh” as he unlocked the doors centrally while the

student by the door opened the door and they go down one after the other,

closed the door behind them, “thank you sirs”, Tallest said again, “you are

welcome”, replied Bodmas as he puts the car back on the road. We got to the

department of our friend, find a parking space and parked at the parking lot.

Got out of the car, as Bodmas locked the car and we walked to the department’s

lobby where we met some security personnel. He asked us of our mission, and we

told him that we want to see Dr. Dee. On hearing Doctor Dee he directed us to a

woman, the receptionist.

“Weldone ma. Please we want to see Doctor Dee”, Bodmas said

“Se Ọga si wà ni ọfisi sha?”, She asked no one but herself,

she was looking at an opened hardcover note before her, then, raised her head up, looking at us,

asked us a question, “do you know his office sirs?” Bodmas facing Sẹgẹ, to

ascertain whether Sẹgẹ knows Dee’s office or not, but Sẹgẹ shook his head, and

said, “No ma, we do not know his office”

“Okay sirs. Give me a minute please, as she was about to

close the hardcover note opened before her, one of the office clerks walked in,

“madam, ẹ o tilẹ bere mi loni, mo wa bá a nyin jà ni o” she said.

“Má binu, kí o tó bámi jà, kọkọ bá mi mún awọn àlejò ọgá lọ

sí ọfisi wọn”, Madame Receptionist said

“Ọgá wo nibẹ, Ọgá?” Clerical Officer asked

“Doctor Dee”, Madame Receptionist replied her, and

continued, “nigbati o ba ti mu wọn dé bẹ tán ko wá gba kúérì rẹ”, she said to

the Clerical officer while Clerical Officer laughed, replying her, “à ì tètè mú

olè, olè nmú olóko ni ọrọ nyin o ọga”, without waiting for madame

Receptionists, she turned to us, “follow me sirs”, before she said this, madame

Receptionist said to us “please follow her sirs, she will usher you to Doctor

Dee’s office”, “Thank you ma”, Bodmas said, but she hardly hear what he said as

she has started replying the clerical officer, “à bọ wá bá lọrọ rẹ, sá à mún àwọn

àlejò ọgá lọ ná”,

“You are welcome sirs”, Madame Receptionist replied us as we

followed the Clerical officer who is ahead of us by few centimeters…

Watch out for AMERICANA'S DIARY XXIII: OUR PARENTS’ DESERVE

CREDIT

AMERICANA'S

DIARY XXIII: OUR PARENTS’ DESERVE CREDIT

…“You are welcome sirs”, Madame Receptionist replied us as

we followed the Clerical officer who is ahead of us by few centimeters…

“If Ọgá is not in his

office, you will have to phone him sir, because I think the students are having

his paper to day” Clerical officer said, as she slows down a bit on our way to

Doctor Dee’s office walk, “becareful there sirs” she added pointing us to

something on the way, “a ò mọdí ti àwọn ‘works department’ kò se tí ì wá ‘fix’

kinní yi lati ọjọ yi”, Clerical staff talks to no one among us except herself

“Thank you ma”, Bodmas replied

“I pray he is in the office”, Sẹgẹ said

“Even if he is not, the sure thing is that he is in the

school, we shall find him out”, Bodmas said

We keep walking as we get to our friend’s office, boldly

inscribed on his door is “Doctor Dee”. The clerical officer, halt her walk a

while, this is his office sir. Taking a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling

loudly, as if afraid, then knocks the door.

A thin and sonorous voice from within was heard, “who is

there?”

“Ọgá, it is me”, Clerical officer replied.

“The door is not locked, open”, the voice replied again

Then she turned the knob of the door opening the door, takes

a step in, turned to us, “you may come is sirs, he is around”

“Àwọn wo lo lọ chartered wá bámi?”, Dee replied, adding, “I

do hope I am safe?”.

“Sé a ‘safe’ o ma’am?”, the thin and sonorous voice also

asked the Clerical Staff

“Awọn alágbára ni o Ọgá”,

turning to pidgin and jovial grammar, “dem say dem wan get expo ‘bipur’

di paper ‘starting’, an mi tells dem say no bi mi dey kary di keys to una

‘ofising’ again but dem no gree, na dia pressure na im make mi ‘brings’ dem

hia, Ọgá”, developing an abnormal

panting suddenly as if she was under some pressures before she entered the

office, ”you may not be totally safe”, she finally added.

“Iwọ lo mọ wàhálà ‘pressure’ tó subú lù ẹ”, Dee said without

moving from where he is sitted, “you”, talking to the sonorous and thin voice

that replied to the knock on the door to his office earlier, “ensure that you

arrange those answer scripts according to their numbers as printed out from the

computer, I do not want those students to play on my intelligence today, I do

not want any mix up”, Dee enthused

“Yes sir”, she replied

“Wò ó mi ò ti rí ààyè àwàdà lãrọ yi”, Dee said to the Clerical staff

“I am not joking Ọgá”,

the Clerical staff replied Dee, and turned to us, “you can see that Ọgá is

busy”. As she said this, Dee looked up.

“Oh it is you? You are welcome, Sẹgẹ, Bodmas”, pushing the

seat back a bit, stands up walked to where we are, embraced us. “Please you may

take your seats”, Dee said, drawing out seats for us to sit on, punching the

Clerical Officer on her shoulder

“Ow! Ọgá, it Is painful oh”, Clerical Officer rubbing the

shoulder with his right hand

“Oh! Is it? I thought you do not want to leave the road for

me ‘ni’”, Dee said

“You can now see that I am not joking Ọga”, Clerical staff

said

“Oh thank you. I can see that”, Dee replied, as he walks

back to where he was initially arranging some papers, “What are you doing now?”

Dee asked her

“I have just brought some people to you sir”, She replied.

“If you are less busy may be you will assist our supervision

today”, Dee said, as he pulls his chair to sit on it

The Clerical Staff opening the door a little, standing at

the entrance, then said, “Ọgá, I cannot answer that yet sir, but if I am I

shall come over. Which Hall are you using?” Clerical staff asked

“The newly constructed hall”, the Sonorous thin voice

replied

“Exams lẹ fẹ fi Baptist hall yẹn”, Clerical staff said

“Àbí o?” The Sonorous voice replied while Ọgá is busy with

writing some things onto a plain sheet of paper

“I will what I can see to that sir, but that has nothing to

do with my bounty that I want to come for when you are less busy Ọgá”, She

responded

“Mo ti gbọ Màdámú, ‘bounty’ Ọlọrun yio jẹ ki a kún ojú òsùnwọn

ibiti ẹ fi wá sí”, Dee said.

“Ẹ wá assist mi o”, Sonorous voice said

“I shall see to it”, she replied the lass and turning to Ọgá

Dee, “Ẹ má bo ore Ọlọrun mọra Ọgá”, Clerical staff said as she opens the door

wide and said without waiting for a reply again, “mo sa mbọ o Ọgá, nigbati ilẹ

bá rọjú diẹ”, she said on a word of finality and closed the door behind her

“Ẹyin ọrẹ, ẹ kãbọ jàre, bi madam se ma nse nìyẹn. I hope it

did not take you time before locating this new place?” Dee asked us

“No, not at all”, Sẹgẹ replied.

“Have you been here since the relocation?” Dee asked Sẹgẹ

“No, I have not, but from your description, it is not

difficult locating this place”, Sẹgẹ replied.

“Oh, I see. Lest I forget, lady T, these are my childhood

friends, Bodmas, an Americana and Evangelist Sẹgẹ, also a business tycoon”,

adding, ” interestingly all of us graduated from this University too” as lady T

stopped what she was doing looking at where we are sitted, before she could say

any thing, Dee said, “Ẹyin Ọrẹ, this is lady Tóyìn, she is a masters student

here, she is through with her course works left with the submission of her

project works, which I supervised, she has been a good student to me”

“Good morning sirs”, lady T said genuflecting

“Good morning dear” Bodmas and Sẹgẹ chorused as Bodmas

added, “How is everything?”

“Fine sir. Thanks” as lady T continued with what she was

doing

“When is the paper starting?” Sẹgẹ asked

“We hope to start 12:00 hours”, Dee replied

“How many hours paper?” Bodmas asked

“It is a 120 minutes paper”, Dee replied, asking, “what is

it by the time now?”

Bodmas checking his wristwatch, “it is 10:55 hours”, he said

“Okay. We are yet within the time frame, because I want to

be at the centre 11:30 hours to check in the students, the first paper would

end 11:00 hours”, Dee said.

“Okay. How is wife and the baby?” Bodmas asked.

“They are fine, thank you” Dee replied

“Everyone asks me to greet you, wọn ni ẹ kú ìdìde àná”, Bodmas said

“Oh, we are the ones who ought to greet you that thanks for

yesterday’s hospitality”, Dee said, turning to lady T, “how far? Hope you are

almost done with it?”

“Yes sir”, lady T replied

“By the time I get home yesterday, I can barely taste a

thing again, my wife was not happy, she said I ought to have call her so that

she would not prepare my own meal…”,

Interupting Dee, “no one loves laboring on preparing food

that would not be eaten by people one has prepared it for”, Sẹgẹ said

“It is usually painful you know”, Bodmas said

“Actually, Irrespective of what I take outside, I usually

ensure that I will still take something at home”, Dee said

“When I was with my uncle in Lagos, that was when I know

that wives like their hubbies to take their foods any attempt by my uncle not to take his wife’s meal always generate

problems at home then”, Bodmas said.

Watch out for

AMERICANA'S DIARY XXIV: OUR PARENTS’ DESERVE CREDIT

TRANSLATION OF DIFFICULT WORDS

AMERICANA'S

DIARY XIX: AGED FRIEND'S MISDEMEANOUR

“gbogbo ‘lizard’ lo

da inu de ilẹ, a o si mọ eleyi ti inu nrun lara wọn”, (means all the lizard

crawls but we don’t know the one that has stomach ache among them (Yoruba

proverb which has the meaning that human beings’ mind/heart is deep as the

bible says in Jeremiah 17:9

“Abi o. (means exactly)

“Ẹ má mà dá wọn lohun, (means don’t mind them)

“Alakoba ti kì í kágò mà ni wọn”, (means someone who

implicates or causes trouble would neither greet nor notify before doing that)

“Wọn a rìn síwájú ti nwọn ba nwa ẹniti wọn a kóbá”, (means

they will walk ahead if they are looking for someone they will implicate)

Bodmas said

“Abi o”, (means exactly)

“Ki Eledumare ‘sha’

ma se rere fun gbogbo wa”, (means May the Almighty just keep doing good to

all of us)

“Amin o. (means Amen oh)

AMERICANA'S

DIARY XX: OUR PARENTS’ DESERVE CREDIT

‘ọmọ tí kò ni òbí kì í légbò lẹhin…’” (means a child that

has no parents does not have sore on his/her back (It’s a proverb)

“nitori tó bá ni egbò

lẹhin kò si ẹniti yio ba fí I” (means because if he has sore at his back, no

one would treat it for the child) (It is a proverb warning someone who is

neither rich nor have important person to becareful lest he runs into trobles

because if the person does, there would not be anyone to assist/deliver the

person)

“Abi o. (means Exactly or That is it)

“Ọgbọn ni aráiyé ndá si, awọn Yoruba wipe, bí isu ẹni bá ta

nse là nda ọwọ bò ó jẹ”, (means people apply wisdom to everything as the

Yoruba proverb that says, when one harvests big yam, one will cover part of it

when eating it) This proverb means when one is having progress in all that one

is doing one should be careful because the people of the world are dangerous)

“Wọn ni ki o fi silẹ”, (means he asks you to leave it/the

knob

“Ẹ se sir”, (means thank you sir)

“Jesu seun”, (means Thank you Jesus

“Aiye totó, aiye akamọra, ọmọ araiye le, ọmọ araiye yio pe

igbá ni ọgbun, wọn a pe ọgbun nígbá”, (means I salute the world (that is the

wicked people of the world), the wicked ones cannot be bought when see, the wicked

ones are dangerous, they will call the ditch a calabash and they will call

calabash a ditch)

AMERICANA'S

DIARY XXI: OUR PARENTS’ DESERVE CREDIT

“òjò fẹ rọ”, (means it wants to rain

“Bó se rí nìyẹn o, ‘àgbà wá búra bi èwe ko se ọ ri’”, (means

that is how it is oh, old people were once youths)

AMERICANA'S

DIARY XXII: OUR PARENTS’ DESERVE CREDIT

‘láíyé tí kò sisẹ

lode yi, ki isẹ ti eniyan tun nse tún bọ lọwọ rẹ’”, (means at this present

dispensation that there is joblessness everywhere, for someone to lose one’s

job)

“Ó lágbára jàre”, (means it is just serios

“Se Ọga si wà ni ọfisi sha?”, (means is the master/chief

in his office?)

“madam, ẹ o tilẹ bere

mi loni, mo wa bá a nyin jà ni o” (means madam you do not even bother to ask

about me today, I have come to fight with you)

“Má binu, kí o tó bámi jà, kọkọ bá mi mún awọn àlejò ọgá lọ

sí ọfisi wọn”, (means, don’t be annoyed with me, before you fight with me,

help me to usher the master’s visitors to his office)

“Ọgá wo nibẹ, Ọgá?” (means which one out of all the

masters?)

“nigbati o ba ti mu wọn

dé bẹ tán ko wá gba kúérì rẹ”, (means after taken them to his office come

and get your prepared query with me)

“à ì tètè mú olè, olè

nmú olóko ni ọrọ nyin o ọga”, (means before a thief could be apprehended he

has tagged the owner of the farm as the thief) (it is a proverb meaning the

person that needs to be queried/disciplined/arrested is querying and discipling

people)

“à bọ wá bá lọrọ rẹ, sá à mún àwọn àlejò ọgá lọ ná”, (means

I don’t have time for you now until when you return here that I will have time

for you, just take the master’s visitors to his office first) “

AMERICANA'S

DIARY XXIII: OUR PARENTS’ DESERVE CREDIT

Ọgá (means master)

“a ò mọdí ti àwọn

‘works department’ kò se tí ì wá ‘fix’ kinní yi lati ọjọ yi”, (means we do

not know the why the people of the works department have not come and fix this

uptil now)

“Àwọn wo lo lọ chartered wá bámi?”, (means who are those

you have chattered to my place/office today?)

“Sé a ‘safe’ o ma’am?”, (means Are we safe ma’am?)

“Awọn alágbára ni o Ọgá”, (means they are the powerful

ones my master) turning to pidgin and jovial grammar, “dem say dem wan get

expo ‘bipur’ di paper ‘starting’, an mi tells dem say no bi mi dey kary di keys

to una ‘ofising’ again but dem no gree, na dia pressure na im make mi ‘brings’

dem hia, Ọgá”, (means they said they want to see the questions that will be

set before the examination starts and I told them that I don’t have the keys to

your office bet they are not satisfied with what I said, it because they are

pressurizing me that I have decided to bring them to you in your office sir)

“Iwọ lo mọ wàhálà ‘pressure’ tó subú lù ẹ”, (means it is

only you who knows the pressure you are under)

“Wò ó mi ò ti rí ààyè

àwàdà lãrọ yi”, (means I do not have time for jokes this morning

“Exams lẹ fẹ fi

Baptist hall yẹn”, (means you want to Baptist the hall with examination

(that implies that the hall has not been used bu anyone before this time)

“Àbí o?” (Exactly)

“Mo ti gbọ Màdámú, ‘bounty’ Ọlọrun yio jẹ ki a kún ojú òsùnwọn

ibiti ẹ fi wá sí”, (means I havea heard what you said madam, may God bless

us to be able to fulfil our obligations)

“Ẹ wá assist mi o”, (means please come and assist me oh)

“Ẹ má bo ore Ọlọrun mọra

Ọgá”, (means, don’t hide God’s blessings master)

“mo sa mbọ o Ọgá, nigbati ilẹ bá rọjú diẹ”, (means all

the same, I will still come and get what you have for me when you are less busy

“Ẹyin ọrẹ, ẹ kãbọ jàre, bi madam se ma nse nìyẹn. (means

friends, welcome, that is how madam used to do)

“Ẹyin Ọrẹ, (means Friends)

“Everyone asks me to greet you, wọn ni ẹ kú ìdìde àná”, (means

they said thanks for yesterday’s visitation)

0 notes

pauldeckerus · 6 years

Text

Early Photos vs. Now: Seeing Progress as a Photographer

Whelp! The Internet reminded me a few days back that I’ve officially been shooting photography for over 10 years now. I’ll be honest, I thought my progress would have been further. I assume the end of my life will be something like what I am currently experiencing, which is “Wow, that went fast.” It seems I’m just barely starting to grasp the wise words of my elders when they told me “Time goes quicker than you think.”

Recent artwork from my 2018 RGG EDU tutorial. Both tutorials I’ve released with them are some of my favorite accomplishments.

In the spirit of anniversaries, let’s see just how f**king horrifying Year 1 and 2 really were… *Takes a deep breath* To the archives!

What’s this ‘flower’ setting on my point and shoot?? Oh s**t! You can take pictures of things close up! Woo!”*misses putting subject in focus

“Yes yes, let’s do a fake blood-filled cup and some s**tty pearls cause Anne Rice got me hooked on f**ken vampires in the 90’s!” Shot again with a point and shoot, with some lamps for lighting and some brutal Photoshop work to make up for the lack of lighting knowledge. Also had clearly not heard the term “Color Temperature” yet.

“Flash can be turned on manually on my Nikon Coolpix, and if I put it in front with the sun behind, it does THIS?? Well this is my new favourite thing ever!” Then I remembered that mosquitoes suck and promptly scampered into the studio for mostly ever more.

Photographed in my fridge, cause I learned that big soft light is sexy, and lamps just weren’t doing the trick.

Blown highlights and crushed shadows and no concept of color harmony?? You mean sky glitter and trendy as f**k presets…

When I first picked up a camera it was mostly to be creative in a way that didn’t involve modeling, and it was faster than drawing. I photographed macro, still life, bikes, and over the course of a year, a number of friends and slave labored my sister a bunch. The first few years were the most exciting cause the gains were exponential, obvious, and relatively easy to attain.

Admittedly, Year 1 was probably my most fun year in photography. Not that the subsequent haven’t delivered amazing memories and new friends, but I was in it purely for the fun and had no expectations from anyone but me. I didn’t have goals, a client wish list, no questions of what gear would make my work better, or any desire beyond the next batch of point-and-shoot pixels that would get my dopamine levels hopping off the charts.

Early years are dedicated to trying a lot of things, as many different facets as possible. I don’t think anyone should be really trying to “figure out their style” because if we do enough work and spend the hours just being immersed in it, style will inevitably start to form. Sometimes it looks like what’s already being made, and sometimes it turns into a creature that nobody has ever seen before. Regardless of what it is, you have to have your ass in the seat as often as you can or want, to find that voice.

10 years in, it feels like the gains I make now are at the sacrifice of dragging myself over broken glass while an elephant steps on my back. I’m not here because I retained that energy of “This is the best thing evaaarrrr!” from the early days, but because discipline and stubbornness have forced me to continue. When I’m bashing at the walls of my inability to complete a concept that’s been in my mind for 5 years, and I’m still probably another 2-3 years away from being competent enough to finalize the piece, I know I’m in it for the long game.

Time has taught me the harder things feel in the moment, the more frustrated and pressurized my brain feels over the work, I’m probably just getting closer to my next sliver of a creative breakthrough. I’ll trade one elephant for another bigger, slightly heavier elephant. While they trade places though, in those brief moments I’ll find I can breathe again.

A recent challenge to create an image using only one area of the color wheel. Many thanks to Linda Friesen for channelling her inner Moon Goddess.

Those Moments Are What I Live For

I write this all to serve as a reminder, to those in their first year, or to the grizzled veterans staring down a resume longer than a CVS receipt. Where we started and where we are now is worth celebrating. Most of us weren’t born with a natural “talent” — in fact, many would argue that is a myth. We are simply a result of repetition and practice.

I think a lot of people get intimidated in their early years that their work will never look as good as they want it to. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can definitely say that 10 years in, I’m still another 10 years away from doing the kind of work I want to make. I hope it never changes.

My inbox is filled with emails asking the same question written hundreds of different ways, but the theme can be boiled down to “How do I get awesome at this??”

Answer? I could write an essay but here are some easy points:

Just keep at it. Put your ass into frequent, habitual practice.

Most who are any good, sit upon a throne of really, really terrible work, and years of it. Every time you complete a work of art that you think is pretty f**king awful, congratulate yourself. It’s one more foundation stone into your cathedral of mastery.

Do not look for shortcuts. You’re only stealing from your future-self.

There is no “one path to success”. There are thousands of ways, and what works for one may not work for another.

Know thyself. Inspiration is great, but nothing beats digging into the nuts and bolts of your honest creative self.

Self portrait, trying to grind down on better color theory. I probably need to watch Kate Woodman’s RGG tutorial…

Maybe you are the creator who does a little bit of everything from now until forever. Maybe you’re the type who started one style and never ever changes. There is no right or wrong answer. Far as I know, they don’t hand out medals in the afterlife… yet.

“They” say if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. I’ve met some of those humans, and they’re most often either f**king unicorns, or completely disillusioned. Love what you do, or don’t, regardless your ass is probably gunna work pretty damn hard.

I fall in and out of love with my chosen career and lifestyle on a weekly basis. I equate my career to being in a long-term, committed relationship. Some days we wake up and look at each other in bed and wonder why the other is still there. Others we are reminded what got us there in the first place. Regardless of my feelings, I think they’re mostly irrelevant.

Accurate depiction of real life misery. Brought on by walking barefoot into a glacier fed, cold ass lake, or occasionally just trying to will myself into turning on my computer… Side note – Check out those “I clearly only ever wear boots” pasty ankles!

10 years in, I feel like I’m just cracking the surface of “me” and what that means to be a creator. Seated upon a mountain of embarrassing pixels and memories, I’m staring at the bottom of an even larger heap that I will create over the next decade. My well-made list of goals and plans will probably get muddled and misplaced by the chaotic influence that is life, but another 10 years will pass regardless.

I just hope that my small, infinitesimal contribution of creativity will maybe start to balance out the number of straws I’ve used.

Commissioned work for guitar queen Nita Strauss.

Inspiration time! I managed to convince some mind-bogglingly awesome artists from a variety of genres to also dig into their archives, and bravely share some of their own humble beginnings. This was a very cathartic experience for me. It was so just absolutely f**king perfect seeing where they all started to their current favorite work. Remember, we all start somewhere, and with a few years of dedication, we never know where we will wind up.

Dave Brosha

2003. “Pure garbage. Both emotionally and metaphysically.”

2018. “The only thing between where you are and where you want to be is the passion to learn and putting the time in. Some of my earliest images are laughably make-your-eyes-bleed bad – but I never beat myself up for them. They are what they are…and that’s to say, they’re part of the process of learning and growth.”

Visit his website here.

Curtis Jones

2012. “Cape Spear, Newfoundland. Completely disregarding geography, composition, and proper use of a tripod, I felt this was a pretty solid shot of my friends under the northern lights. To be honest, I’m not 100% certain a tripod was even involved but I was out there making an effort and that’s what sticks with me. Turns out the most easterly point in Canada isn’t a hotspot for aurora activity.”

2018. “Khongoryn Els, Mongolia. Now, with a few more miles racked up, an appreciation for location scouting and a better grasp on my gear, putting in the effort still counts but the returns have become more consistent – less random and more intentional.”

Visit his website here.

Felix Inden

2008. “I was really stoked about this one. Enough to save it as my first .psd (of course after reducing to 72 DPI)”

2018. “I was incredibly lucky that I got this shot… it was not thought or anything. I just saw it coming, fired away and luckily had the right settings from shooting out of the heli before of this moment. Don´t plan to much. embrace spontaneity. be there and be ready.”

Visit his website here.

Michael Shainblum

2007.

2018.

Visit his website here.

Tim Kemple

2004. “From my first commercial shoot. It was on Mt Washington for Eastern Mountain Sports and we had this awesome but wacky creative director that wanted a shot of the less glamorous moments that happen when you are out hiking. Shot on slide film. Provia 400F pushed a stop.”

2015. “Two climbers on Mt Huntington in Alaska. Shot with Phase One medium format from a helicopter.”

Visit his website here.

Elizabeth Gadd

2008. “10 years ago I discovered my passion for taking moody self portraits (because sitting on the ground and staring into space with a blurry focus seemed cool). Can’t believe how proud I was of this one once.”

2018. “10 years later, still taking moody self portraits. Hoping the practice has paid off!”

Visit her website here.

Bella Kotak

2008. “This was when I first discovered Photoshop! It took me a few more years to figure the program. At that time it wasn’t really about improving my “photography” but more about how I could improve on what I wanted to express. It just so happened that the camera felt like most natural medium to do that through.”

2018, The Kiss. “It’s amazing what time, practice, and knowledge can do. When it comes to creating pictures I’ve never focused on what I can’t do but rather, what I can do. The goal is, and has always been, to shoot often, keep learning, constantly experimenting, never hold back, and always try to level up.”

Visit her website here.

Kate Woodman

2014. This image represents my first real foray into using Photoshop in a creative/artistic way vs. a more conventional dodge-and-burn-cleanup kind of way. The image was accidental–one of my strobes didn’t fire, and I was left with something I wasn’t anticipating but though could lead to something interesting. It was the first time I really embraced a mistake as a learning opportunity–and I’ve made many more and learned so much from them, from both a technical but also a conceptual perspective.”

2018. “I feel like I’m finally getting to the stage where my photography not only reflects my aesthetic preferences but also my conceptual interests. This is a more recent image which I think is pretty successful in portraying a narrative that is both visually and viscerally impactful. There’s definitely something going on but it leaves room for interpretation–that ambiguity is something I’ve always liked in others’ art and strive for in my own.”

Visit her website here.

Richard Terborg

2009. ” I like the snow, and I like photography. So I figured it would be funny to combine the two in a “creatively next level” way, by wearing my normal “day” clothes instead of winter clothing. Because I didn’t want my garden in the background this frame was the only one that worked.”

2018. “I’ve been on a Wes Anderson exploration/funk/inspired by/phase/binge??? So I asked my friend to bring anything yellow he has and a puffy hat. It was around 35 degrees celcius outside and he had to put on the only yellow woolly shirt he had and a warm cap. Love places with a lot of color and lines because of ‘Wes’ and this place just clicked perfectly.”

Visit his website here.

Julia Kuzmenko

2007. “I honestly had no clue what I was doing. I know now, that the best thing to learn something in a specific photography genre is to break apart and analyze every aspect of the images of a handful of successful artists whose work resonates with me the most. The cropping, the colors, the makeup, hair and facial expressions.. everything that we photographers have control of at the time of the capture.”

2018. “Shoot, shoot, shoot more! Practice like a maniac, so you are at the right skill level when the opportunity comes along.”

Visit her website here.

Tina Eisen

2009. “February. I had one light and a friend called Hannah. We knew nothing. Even less than Jon Snow. Not even the cat bowl was safe.”

2018. “September. I know a couple more things now! I still experiment to this day and wake up happy every morning that I took this step 10 years ago!”

Visit her website here.

Pratik Naik

2008. “I wanted to be a fashion photographer with my wonderful wide angle kit lens and sweet angles. I thought the more angles the better and so we angled all day.”

2018. “I realized what was actually kept me inspired was the complete opposite. It was energy, mood, and emotion. Through my attempt at fashion photography, I carved the path to what I really loved shooting.”

Visit his website here.

Benjamin Von Wong

2007. “Well, I found a second set of mirrors… on another escalator haha. Theres a nice big flash hiding my head but I thought it’d make a cool effect on the metal parts.”

2018. “Ironically, I believed myself to be a better photographer then, than I do now, even though my skill level is objectively higher. I wonder how I’ll feel about myself and my work in another 10 years!”

Visit his website here.

Ashley Joncas

2010. “I was always a disgruntled little $hit even when I started teaching myself photography. I was obsessed with antique portraiture but also obsessed with HotTopic…so the dynamic duo combined with me barely knowing how to turn on a camera ended up in a branch explosion from my friends head surrounded by fake smoke. Thankfully 8 years has made a big difference…and I’ve gone from doing a horrible job to actual horror photography.”

2018. “The work I do now is directly indicative of how my creative mind works and what it responds to. For a while I thought being a good photographer meant doing pretty images with flower crowns and safe color palettes, but I realized my voice was in the strange and irregular chasms of our reality. So, my favorite image from this year is a shot of someone sitting in a basement with a bloody eye and shackles.”

Visit her website here.

The Art of Mezame

2013. “I thought using a single LED light and a Samsung Galaxy S3 was good enough for toy photography. I remember the motivation for using the LED light was just so I could see something in the dark. I don’t remember editing the image though haha!”

2018. “I am now actively shooting portraits in studios and using more than just LED lights. Instead of lighting things up just so I can see something in the dark, I use lighting and lightshapers to craft images that tell stories. Only time will tell what else I could discover in my journey as a photographer. Still learning, never stopping.”

Visit his website here.

Joel Robison

2009. “Back in the early days I was still a bit nervous to really get outside and shoot, I was largely taking self-portraits inside my apartment and really only had one bare wall to play with. I was doing a 365 project and ideas were getting thin so I decided to do a week of making props out of cardboard…I whipped up a cardboard gun, money bag and mustache and spent a good solid 5 minutes shooting this image which I then ran through Picnic AND Photoshop to get the desired “vintage” effect.” We all started somewhere and I can’t believe I thought it all looked good!”

Visit his website here.

Webb Bland

2005. “Distortion? Check. Vignetting like I stacked too many polarizers? Check. A pass of every free plugin I could find? Check and mate, photographers! *Retouchers. Whatever.”

2019. “High noon in an airplane graveyard, spacing each car between stark wing shadows. The only thing missing is the abysmal HDR and VIGNETTING OH GOD HOW DID I FORGET THE VIGNETTING??! Shot for Audi.”

Visit his website here.

Alex Ruiz

1993. “Crappy figure drawing: This gem was from my submission portfolio to Cal Arts. Needless to say, I didn’t get in. In retrospect this was valuable lesson for me: get damn good at figure drawing or else I wasn’t going anywhere!”

2018. “Kat Livingston as Elven Queen. There’s something about creating portraits that I’ve always been drawn to more and more over the years. There’s a deep intimacy to it, having a character stare deeply back at you, and sometimes through you. This one is based off New York model, Kat Livingston. Giving her an ethereal, elven quality seemed fitting for her.”

Visit his website here.

John Gallagher

2013. “My Little Pony – A cautionary tale. I’m fond of migrating beloved and nostalgic animated content to ‘real world’ to test my own ability to stay true to the characters while transforming them for fun. This is a gorgeous cringe worthy example of what not to do. Cue sharp inhale.“

2018. “So Deadpool… This won 2nd place in the DeviantArt fan art poster contest with Fox. DA picked five fan-favorite artists to compete for prize money and a trip to New York to the premiere. There was a long list of no-fly zones for content and just a couple days to do it so we all hit the ground running. I thought it came together pretty well and dovetailed nicely with the slo-mo mayhem of the DP cineverse. It’s a natural fit for my brand of hyperkinetics.”

Visit his website here.

The best way to see our progress is to occasionally take an honest look back at our past. What kind of people we were, what we valued, and how we expressed it. While it sometimes feels weird or awkward to look back at our less than experienced selves, they are the treasures that helped us become who we are, and what we do now shapes our futures.

It’s also so easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others, the mysteries behind the scenes that helped evolve the final product they now share to the world.

This list is only a snapshot in each person’s life, a single Polaroid in an entire journal to be perceived as warnings or inspiration. Inevitably there will be someone commenting about “I like x image more!” or “I wish I was as good as their befores”. If those are your thoughts, I applaud your skill in missing the point.

Remember, we are only in ultimate competition with our younger and future selves. Our journeys are our own, appreciate the past and embrace the next 10 years.

About the author: Canadian born and raised, Renee Robyn is a former model turned photographer who has developed an ethereal style, combining fact and fiction. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. Merging together expertly shot photographs with hours of meticulous retouching in Photoshop, Robyn’s images are easily recognizable and distinctly her own. She travels full time, shooting for clients and teaching workshops around the world. You can find more of her work on her website, Facebook, and Twitter. This article was also published here.

from Photography News https://petapixel.com/2018/09/13/early-photos-vs-now-seeing-progress-as-a-photographer/

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