#my friend... if you don't like it well too fucking bad so fucking sad kiddo You're gonna fucking deal with me being hereWords cannot

[isettreesonfire]

Love dis song 🤟😎💥

#Alright that's fucking it. I'm not playing with you guys anymore. I have just fucking had it with you motherfuckers trying to ruin my fun a #nd for trying to get rid of meAll you had to do was just accept the fucking kitty and you refused to You like it don't you You like being a #no-life asshole rightI bet you do I bet your mother is proud for how you act nowadays I bet she likes you harassing people on the internet #and always trying to be cool. Well guess what motherfucker. You're one to talk #and you definitely need to listen to this. #Youre actually being a fucking asshole when it comes to things like these especially for an You just want #more of it do you?Like you literally keep encouraging the fucking kitty but only just for him to leave foreverNot gonna fucking work kiddos #All he just wants you to do one thing for him #and that's it! He doesn't want you to do anything else. Not even suck a dick from a trap. #my friend... if you don't like it well too fucking bad so fucking sad kiddo You're gonna fucking deal with me being hereWords cannot #describe why I hate you guys so fucking muchI just want you all fucking gone forever and to pray that you never come back Not even one #peek out of your cheeky selfAt this point I want the whole discord to die a fucking horrible death Or maybe even grow up and #start being nice. A huge fuck you to those on this discord. #SoundCloud #my lawyer advised me to tell you this is a copypasta

[spookyscaryskidnpump]

my thoughts on spooky month 6

copy pasted from a page and a half of google doc. crying. spoilers inbound.putting it under the cut cuz its super long. also swear warning.

Ok to start off LILA. LILA MY GAL NO UR DOING UR BEST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Im crying im actually fucginf crying. She's trying. So hard. Skid is trying so hard. THEY'RE DOING THEIR BEST PLEASEEEEE. Father Gregor can go EAT SHIT. THEY'RE TRYING AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS GODDAMNIT.

Susie… Susie no… please… she deserves better istgggggg. What happened to their parents? Are they actually just busy? Are they DEAD? Holy shit what if they're dead. Poor Pump, poor Susie, god please just let these kiddos be ok. PLEASE. ABUELO WONDER IS TYING SO HARD BUT SUSIE KNOWS IT ISN'T REALLY FROM HER PARENTS IM CRYING. SUSIE NOOOOOO

FATHER GREGOR I HATE YOU. ok well he obvs did some good but STILL. GREGOR. STFU GREGOR. I get that hes trying but U CANT JUST SAY ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT JUDGEMENT AND THEN JUDGE HER HER FUCKING HOUSE GOT BROKEN INTO!! YOU DONT HAVE THE FUCKING CONTEXT!!!! ARGHFDGHJSGHJKAGHSD. Also DAMN IS HE A CULTIST NOW?? IS HE DEAD?? WHAT?!?!?!

ROYYYYYY ROY MY BOI NOOOOOO poor guy :( i understand why he hates the kids they DID kinda ruin him so. At least he knows theyre trying now :( and ross n rob just ASSUME he did something bad isnt helping here!!!! I get that theyre also trying to help him and its nice to see him opening up to them about stuff (even if we dont get to know what specifically PELO WHY) but PLEASE get this kid an anger management class or smthn PLEASE. He needs SO MUCH THERAPY. I dont think hes gonna get therapy because im pretty sure his parents are Part Of The Problem but STILL.  Also FUCKER LITERALLY GOT POSSESED BY A DEMON?????? THATS GOTTA BE TRAUMATIC TF

Side note i love ross and robert dearly and i appreciate them doing their best to help on both sides i love them smmmmmm AUGH

KEVIN AND RADFORD FRIENDSHIP REALLLLLLLLLL i am SO fucking happy about that!!!! Also Kevin having conflicted feelings on the kids FAIR. Similar thing to Roy except hes an adult with a semi-functional support network and is able to understand that theyre just dumb kids and they dont actually mean any harm. He’s harsher on the hatzgang cuz theyre teens and old enough to know stealing is wrong but Skid n Pump are little kiddos they dont know better. Also him disapproving of father gregor REAL THO. also HE GOT POSSESSED TOO?? TRAUMA CENTRAL HOLY SHIT

PATTY DESERVES TO HAVE A GUN ACTUALLY. Also JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST! IS HIS KID DEAD? IS HIS DAUGHTER OK HOLY SHIT. ALSO THEM HELPING THE KIDS PROPERLY IM CRYIG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

WHAT WAS EVERMORE DOING WITH THE HOBOMEN???? HELLO??????

I SAW THAT CULT NECKLACE UNDER IGNACIOS SHIRT. I FUCKING SAW IT. CALLED IT BITCH!!!!!!

Rick just has the WORST luck lmao

STREBER IS ALIVE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

DEXTER NO PLEASE AUGH…… HIS MOM TOO……

JAUNE AND ROSS’S DAD… HE'S REAL HE EXISTS!! I get ur trying jaune but that is NOT the best way to comfort poor lila… AT LEAST SHES TRYING THO I APPRECIATE HER

THE ENTIRE NEWGROUNDS ENDING?? THE THIEVES AND THE CANDY DEALER IN CAHOOTS WITH THE CULT???? HELLO??????

MOLOCH IS GONE. he deserved it but also THE KIDS ARE SO SAD ABOUT IT? Like they don't really get it but they just watched someone they thought was their friend DIE. HOLY SHIT.

finally. SKID AND PUMP. KIDDOS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok for real tho theyre so much more self aware than the fandom and bulk of the show give them credit for?? Like Skid is VERY aware of his dad being dead/possibly missing and legit just doesn’t wanna talk about it. He knows what death is and he finds fun in it to cope. My poor sweet boyo… and PUMP. PUMP ANSWERING THE CALL AUGHHHHHH HE WANTS HIS PARENTS BACK IM CRYING. SUSIE AND ABUELO ARE DOING THEIR BEST AND HE'S TRYING SO HARD AND AAAAAAAAAAUGH. Also him getting possessed by Moloch while having Star-Eyes basically debunks the theory of the Star-Eyes being a form of possession which is FASCINATING. Anyway that scene with Susie and Pump got me misty eyed and then during the ending with Skid and Lila i actually genuinely started crying. I just want them to be happy. Please let them be happy. Please. PLEASE.

#spookymisc.txt #spooky month #spooky month 6 #spooky month 6 spoilers #sm6 #sm spoilers #not tagging all the characters cuz theres too many mentioned #anyway CRYING.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

It's your birthday too (Christen x Tobin x Reader)

I don't know how I feel about this one, but I hope you like it :)

Words: 1.8K

I was hanging out with Ashlyn before Christens surprise birthday lunch. She knew about it, but she didn't know we had invited her whole family and a couple of her friends. We were scrolling through tiktok to kill time when a message from my brother popped up. I froze as I read what it said, knowing that Ashlyn had likely seen it as well. My suspicions were confirmed when she tapped into it.

Hey kiddo, I know you don't really celebrate it, but happy birthday little sis. I hope you have a good day whatever you're doing. Call me later, love you.  

Ashlyn slowly turned her head toward me, "Y/n."

I swallowed hard before turning to face her, "Yes?"

"It's your birthday? Why didn't you tell me."

"It doesn't matter about me, it's Christens birthday." And it was true. My birthday was something that I didn't care about, my whole focus was on making it a good day for Christen. Honestly, I would forget it if my brother didn't message me every year. 

Ashlyn looked at me like I had grown another head or something, I stifled the laugh that threatened to bubble out when I received a glare, "It's yours too Y/n not just Christens."

"Well yeah, but I don't celebrate it and Christen does. Now I have to go."

I escaped quickly, not allowing Ashlyn to say anything else. Christen was coming back to the room before lunch and I wanted to give her the present I got. Christen walked into our room a couple of minutes after me. 

"Happy birthday Chris, I go-"

"Don't happy birthday me Y/n. Why didn't you tell me?" Christen stood in front of me, arms crossed as I decided to play dumb. 

"Tell you what?"

Christen threw her hands up, giving me a 'are you serious' look, "That it's your birthday!"

I shrugged, I should have known Ashlyn wouldn't have kept it quiet. She likely texted everyone the second I left, "Because mine isn't important."

"Yes it is Y/n! It's important because you're here. It's literally celebrating you being born and I think that's something worth celebrating Y/n. You are amazing, you deserve to be celebrated."

I blushed turning away from her, trying my best not to show her how much she affected me, "I just don't celebrate it."

Her face softened slightly, taking a step toward me, "Why not?"

"Nothing good has ever happened on my birthday, when you share it with a twin who is very clearly your parents favourite, it's just not a good day." There was more to it then that, but I didn't really want to go into it. My parents and everyone else in my family had forgotten all of my birthdays after age 5. It had taken me a while to realise they hadn't forgotten, they just didn't care. 

"Well, we want to celebrate you Y/n, I want to celebrate you. You could always restart your birthdays."

"I don't know if I can do that Chris. There's just so many bad memories."

"Then lets give you a good one," Christen said before cupping my cheek and connecting her lips with mine. I froze at the feeling of her lips on mine, they were so soft. I had wanted this for so long, but Christen had Tobin. I wanted them both, but had neither of them. I pulled away quickly, putting distance between us when my brain realised what was happening and I remembered Tobin, "I'm sorry I-"

"We ca- we can't do this, you, Tob-" I cut myself off when I saw Tobin standing in the doorway. I froze, expecting to be yelled at or anything really. Instead, a soft smile stretched along her face as she slowly stepped closer to me. 

My brain stopped working as I stuttered an apology, it completely malfunctioned when Tobin wrapped her arms around me. "Happy birthday Y/n."

"I-I what?"

Tobin pulled away slightly to look at Christen, "I told you we should've waited until we were both here."

"I know, but she was sad, I just wanted her to not be sad anymore."

My heart seemed to stutter at that, but it also just increased my confusion. What the fuck was happening? I pulled away from Tobin, looking between the both of them. They were looking at me with such adoration, such love that butterflies erupted in my stomach. I did what I did best in situations that were uncomfortable or painful, I made a joke, "Wanna clue me in? I haven't quite mastered this whole mind reading thing yet."

Tobin snorted while Christen glared at her and actually explained, "We like you. We've been talking about telling you for a while, but weren't sure if you actually liked us or if we just wanted you to."

I took a second to process what Christen had said. There were no signs of dishonesty or reluctance, "Wait, so I get to kiss Tobin too?"

Christen nodded while Tobin looked at me with a slight smirk, "Please do."

I smirked, leaning in just to turn and connected my lips with Christen instead. Our lips moved in sync for a few seconds before I pulled away, leaving a quick peck on her lips. At this point there was no use in trying to hide my smile. It was no doubt huge and goofy, but I didn't care. I got the girls. I still wasn't sure if this would change the way I felt about my birthday, but it was definitely the best one yet. 

"Why do I like you?" Tobin grumbled, pout appearing. She was adorable.  

"Because I'm hot." I cupped the back of Tobin's neck, finally connecting our lips. I felt Tobin relax against me. Our lips moved in perfect sync as Tobin's hand settled on my waist, pulling me close. Her lips were actually softer than I expected with a hint of vanilla. Between her and Christen I was screwed. They were both so addicting. I slowly pulled away, head leaning down to rest on Tobin's shoulder as I took it all in. Tobin's fingers traced random patterns on my hip. I don't think I had ever seen her so soft before. Now it was directed at me, something I never expected to ever happen. It made me fall for her just that little bit more. I kissed her shoulder before pulling away to take Christens hand. 

"Can I finally show you what I got you?" 

"No, because I didn't get you anything."

"Chris, this is the best birthday I've ever had. The best birthday present I've ever gotten so please don't feel bad about it. You didn't know."

Christen sighed and I knew I had won, "Fine."

I handed her the small wrapped box, inside were two simple silver rings, one cut to look like mountains and the other cut to look like waves. I had seen them and instantly thought of Christen. She would love them, well so I hoped anyway as I stood there fidgeting nervously. I had been a bit nervous that Tobin might see the present as to much. That I had overstepped and it was too romantic or something. That nervousness had faded given what just happened, but I was still a bit worried Christen wouldn't like it.

"Y/n... These are amazing. They're beautiful, I love it so much. Thank you baby." My face warmed at the pet name as Christen kissed me then hugged me tightly. 

I kissed her temple, holding her just as tightly, "You're welcome love."

Tobin groaned dramatically as we pulled apart, "You're giving me a run for my money Y/n/n."

"We can join forces in the future. What did you get her this year?"

"Um she's only opened one of them so far, the other is downstairs."

I rolled my eyes at Tobin's reluctance to answer. Obviously it was something she didn't want to share, "Could you be anymore vague? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It's not that, it might just be a bit much information given that we just happened."

"Oh, so you got her a sex toy then," I laughed as both Tobin's and Christen's faces turned bright red. It was meant as a joke, but judging by the looks on their faces, it was accurate. "Wow, that was supposed to be a joke, but I mean that's a pretty good present. I look forward to seeing it. Now, as much as I would love to stay here, we have to go."

Their cheeks got redder then I thought possible as they both stumbled over what to say. I bit my cheek to stop the laughter as I walk out of the room. Christen and Tobin rushing to catch up.

---

We had decided the meal room was the better option for lunch seeing as all of us together were often quite crazy. Also add in Christens family, there was a lot of us. This morning we had decorated the room with happy birthday banners, balloons and anything the younger ones had decided to put up. I stopped in my tracks when I noticed my name had been added to the banner and there were two piles of presents. Everyone had decided to give Christen her presents all at once, but I had wanted to give her mine when it was just the two of us. How had they put this together so quickly?

"How?"

"We were tasked with distracting you while they set this up."

I tensed, was what just happened only a distraction, "Oh."

Tobin wrapped her arm around my waist, "Hey, we were always going to tell you about our feelings, it was just originally going to be tonight instead."

Christen placed her hand on my back, "Happy birthday Y/n."

"Happy birthday Chris." A wide smile spread on Christens face when she noticed her family standing in the back. She made a beeline toward them while I stayed by the door. Everything was a bit overwhelming. Having people actually care about my birthday was foreign and overwhelming. Tobin stayed beside me, arm still around my waist, as I lent into her to calm myself down. 

Tobin discreetly kissed my neck before whispering, "I think there's someone waiting to say hi."

I looked up to find my brother standing a few steps away. I quickly pulled away from Tobin, running into his arms instead. It had been a long time since we had seen each other, "Jamie, what are you doing here? Did they set this up?"

"No, I had been planning on surprising you for your birthday, I just happened to show up when they were frantically trying to set everything up. I'm glad you finally told them."

"It wasn't me actually. It was you." He looked confused so I explained what had happened. He sheepishly apologised, but I wasn't actually annoyed anymore. I guess it wasn't a bad thing that they knew. Besides Jamie, they were the closest thing to family I had. 

We laughed, talked and had a really nice afternoon. The girls had managed to run out and get me a bunch of new art supplies and stationary stuff. And I ended the night cuddled between Christen and Tobin after reassuring them again that I didn't care if they got me anything. I was just happy that I finally got the girls. Maybe I could get used to celebrating my birthday after all. 

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagines #uswnt imagine #christen press imagine #christen press x reader #christen press/reader #tobin heath x reader #tobin heath imagine #tobin heath

[brandnewbabygurl]

so close, no matter how far

warning: this is sad

"Holy shit, Steve! What is this?" Robin yelled from the passenger side of Steve's car.

"What's what?" Steve asked.

"This mixtape?" Steve's hands tightened on the steering wheel. He was dreading the day Robin found it.

"What mixtape?" He decided to play dumb as if that would help at all.

"This lovey-mush of a mixtape. I mean come on, I'm Your Man AND Head Over Heels. You must really have it bad."

"I don't want to talk about it, Rob," Steve muttered quietly.

"Well, I do! My best friend is in love. Oh my god! In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel! I can't believe this. You're disgustingly in love and you didn't even tell your best friend. This is ridiculous. So who is this Em? She sounds positively dreamy."

"Oh it's nothing, Rob," Steve felt like he was going to cry at any second. "I can't ask them out anyway, so don't worry about it."

"Can't? Or won't? Because I think it's won't. You should just go for it, no chance she can shoot down Steve Harrington."

"Can't, Robin. I can't ask them out. So just drop it," Steve was clutching the wheel impossibly tighter now.

"You need to work on your self esteem there Steve-o. Why is there so much Metallica on this thing? You don't even like them."

Robin went quiet and Steve knew she was putting the pieces together. God, he felt like he was going to vomit.

"Wait. Em? Steve. No. Please tell me this is old. Please tell me you made this a long time ago. Shit. Fuck. Nothing Else Matters came out last year, didn't it? Steve..."

"Robin. I don't want to talk about it," he could feel his eyes start to water. He really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me? Or at least tell me you like boys?" Robin asked softly.

"I don't like boys, Robin," Steve didn't know why that was important to say. "I just like him, okay?"

"But Steve, it's been so long," Steve could tell by her voice that Robin was starting to cry too.

"I know. Seven years and four months. But I love him. Loved him. So fucking much," Steve was really crying now. Fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he clutched the wheel so tight his knuckles were white.

"You went on a date last week though, didn't you?"

"No. I didn't. I haven't been on a date in years. I don't want anyone but him. I went to go visit him. I do every time I say I'm on a date," Both of them sobbing as Steve put the car into park outside of the airport. Dustin was at baggage claim and would be in the car any second now.

"Steve, no more going to the cemetery alone. Next time I'm coming with," Robin flung herself at Steve and he put his face in her neck, sobbing loudly now. She rubbed his back and held him tightly.

"Can you play it?" Steve asked quietly.

"Of course, babe," Robin put the tape in and Wham!'s I'm Your Man started. Robin let out a wet laugh. "Jesus, Steve. He would've fucking hated this song."

Steve let out a loud laugh followed by another round of sobs, "I know."

They sat in a far sadder scene of the day Robin came out to him, singing Wham! until Dustin interrupted the same way he did all those years ago.

"Why are you guys crying?" Dustin asked as he flung himself into the back seat.

"Your face is just so ugly, we couldn't help, Butthead." Steve said through his tears.

"Okay, rude," Dustin knew better than to pry, something he would've done years ago. He just decided to let it go. "What is this music? Does Steve have a crush?"

"Yeah, kiddo, I've got a crush"

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #stranger things #sorry for being depressing

[charizardstolemynickname]

TOH SEASON 3 EPISODE 2 REACTION PART 2!!!!!!

I have 17 minutes left, so this may be a shorter ish post, who knows, WE SHALL CONTINUE THOUGH!

Woah, Grudgby team captain girl! NOT COOL, WILLOW IS INNOCENT

And Camila is so me right now, she understands, THEY ARE JUST CHILDREN, WHY MUST THEY SUFFER

AND DAMN IT! I did think Miki reminded me or Kikimora, especially the name DAMN YOU WERE GOOD LAST TIME WE SAW YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BRO

Belos pal, what was your plan, we have established the Collector is immortal and basically all knowing, what tf did you think was going to happen......... THAT'S YOUR PLAN?! Worn the collector that he is in danger? GOD BELOS, even I could have come up with a better plan than "I am created by the power of friendship! And you are in danger!"

"What's the little red kitten trying to do?" LOVE you Camila, iconic, and you didn't even intend to

Kikimora, I'm with Luz, Belos has already been here and done this, don't be a copycat, be original bro

WOAHHH WELL DONE CAMILA! YOU DID SO WELL AT THE MAGIC GLYPH STUFF! I am not kidding, this whole fight scene just makes me love Camila more, PLEASE tell me as a fandom, you all adore her?

....Boscha. Okay, say what you want about Boscha but she has her priorities, she cares about 1 thing and 1 thing only, grudgby. Oh and maybe power. Well, that is probably combined.

Amity just going "nah" is HILARIOUS, absolutely, know your worth queen! Who would have though Boscha would be clingy? ........Oh Boscha definitely has abandonment and attachment issues, That makes so much sense! Damn. You know what, i don't forgive you, but I get you Boscha

"I wish you were here Flapjack" DON'T YOU WORRY HUNTER, ME TOO, BUT HE WILL COME BACK.. he will, he will.

Willow... my sweet child, this is called a breakdown. GOD you are hurting my soul, mostly because this feels like a mirror I'm like "IS THIS HOW I LOOK IN THESE MOMENTS?!"

.....Yeahhh, well. King buddy, that was the wrong thing to say at the wrong time. Is it just me who feels a bit bad for the Collector? Like, he is definitely doing the wrong stuff, absolutely, and needs to be stopped... but they are just a kid! He is doing what any kid with power would do. And yeahhh he should still be stopped. but god damn, I do feel for the kiddo.

"The Collector is just a little kid. A scary powerful one, but also a sad and alone. " THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. God someone adopt this little kiddo, give him a home, and love...and make sure he doesn't do this again.

"Mom, are you a secret nerd?" AFTER THAT EMOTIONAL WRECK OF A CONVERSATION! But also YES OF COURSE SHE IS. She is your mother after all, you are all just nerds, and THAT IS WONDERFUL

AHHHHHHH PALISMAN HATCH! Okay, I have paused it, because "All I wanted, was to be understood" BROKE ME. AND, I want to guess what the Palisman will be. Hmm. A giraffe would be funny. OOOOOO A SNAKE WOULD BE GREAT! After all the snake talk and memories. And they are often misunderstood and seen as scary when they are just little guys. AND I have always wanted a snake sorta staff thing. MY FINAL GUESS IS SNAKE. God I hope it is after all this AND SNAKES LAY EGGS, I am a fucking genius

ITS MAKING ME WAIT?! Unless it was just that orb. FUCK I HAVE TO WAIT.

However WILLOW PLEASE, DO THE BREATHING THING. Hunter for god sake save your future girlfriend (/lh)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH HE DID!!!!!!! GOD DAMN IT. I will go insane over this. THEY ARE SO CUTE

"You have magic!" "....The magic of friendship?" "No. The magic of Flapjack!" okay so that was funny BUT I STILL BELIEVE FLAPJACK CAN COME BACK (denial is a fun stage)

"I MISSED A LOT!" Stan Luz, she is just annoyed she missed out on all her friends getting powerups

IS HER PALISMAN AN ORB OR WHAT!?! I AM SO LOST WE HAVE TO WAIT LONGER!? Damn it.

Camila, Gus and Hunter being nerds together and making references to each other is fucking hilarious, what a strange team

GUS DON'T STEAL MY GUESS

.........A SNAKE SHIFTER?! Okay THAT WAS AS CLOSE AS I WAS GOING TO GUESS BUT WOOOOOOOOO That is actually so cool tf

"STRINGBEAN"?! God I want one

CAMILA ! She is so me, I too would just go "AWW LOOK AT ALL YOU CUTIES!"

Hunter literally teared up at "you mean a lot to me too" (he is so me its unreal) AND THE BLUSHING AGAIN, GOD WHEN DO YALL GET TOGETHER AHHHHHHH THE HOLDING HANDS PINKIES FUCK, why am I so invested in these

belos you god damn snitch

AND THAT IS THE END OF THAT EPISODE

#the owl house #toh #luz owl house #toh spoilers #amity owl house #toh king #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house season 3 #the owl house season 3 spoilers #the owl house spoilers #eda the owl lady #toh hunter #the owl house hunter #toh lilith #lilith clawthorne #lilith the owl house #toh hooty #toh amity #amity blight #the owl house amity #toh willow #the owl house willow #toh gus #the owl house gus #toh the collector #WOOOOOOO

[cyberdragoninfinity]

How would you rank the barians from least favorite to most favorite

OK SO. IVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS ASK FOR WEEKS CUZ I WAS WAITING UNTIL I HAD ACTUALLY SEEN ALL SEVEN BARIAN EMPERORS IN ACTION. and now well im done watching the series SO!! im glad I waited because over the course of the back chunk of zexal ii my opinions on all the emperors got jostled around so much AND I ENDED UP LIKING ALL OF THEM A LOT. so i guess caveat for this list: love all 7 of these guys so much, definitely one of my favorite "factions" of yugioh characters. my fuckign kids

anyway, from 'least' to most favorite

7. Girag: THIS FEELS SO MEAN. SORRY GIRAG like I said i love 'em all but I guess he's the one I like the least, if only because his design is.... unfortunate. And his backstory is......................... unfortunate. They really said "this black character didn't actually do any of his supposed achievements; a literal tanuki did them for him" and called it a day huh HHFDGSDFG Yugioh Not Fantastic Moments but what can ya do. He's still fun. I love his dub voice I genuinely do wonder if it being a bit of a Rocky Balboa impression was a deliberate choice (since he's buddies with Alito Boxer Kiddo Extraordinare).

6. Dumon: AGAIN. A LITTLE MEAN. SORRY DUMON FDHGSG he's grown on me a BUNCH since I started z2 mostly because i lesbianpilled him in my brain but he's gotta be #6 because his Barian form is probably my LEAST favorite of the bunch. I'm not big on his very flat eyes but I do love the idea that they're because He Cant Fucking See. His human form is so fucking funny they really librarypilled this guy so hard. He's low on the list but still dear to me. Definite Zexal Real One.

5. Marin: GOD. RIOMARINMERAG. I LOVE HER. I REALLY DO. her Barian form's color palette is just gorgeous and she has an awesome ice motif and she's a COOL SPORTY JOCK and she LOVES HER BROTHER but my GOD she suffers from Girl in a Yugioh Series SO BAD. THIS POOR GIRL IS FRIDGED FOR LITERALLY OVER HALF THE SHOW!!!! she does 1-3 cool things and They Shred Like Hell but there's just barely enough of her in the show for her to really blossom into one of my top favs :( don't worry sweetheart im coming

4. Mizar: ok so now we're getting into the territory of where I Just Really Like These Guys. I didn't give a SHIT about MizarMizael until the Moon Duel, and then I proceeded to give SO many shits about him. What can I say.... sad kiddo YGO character backstory gets me every time. I love that he pulled an Aporia and face-turned and tried to take on the Big Bad but fumbled so fucking hard he died in one turn. His Barian form is ROUGH, THOUGH. HIS SHADES OF YELLOW ARE TOO FUCKING CLOSE TO EACH OTHER PUT SOME MORE GREEN AND RED IN THERE. Anyway. Been cooking a trans woman Mizar headcanon for a little while now. estrogen and hooves could have saved her.

3. Nasch: I. really like Shark. I'm still sorting out favorites in my mind but Shark is definitely in my Top Five and I like him as Nasch by extension. Definitely one of the coolest Yugioh Rivals by absolute far. His slow growth as Shark from Mean Bully to Guy Who Cares So Much About His Friends just GUTS me!! This is what ygo's all about babeyyy!!! And the sheer amount of AWFUL SHIT that happens to this kid, MY GOD. He loses his sister over and over again and ends up with SO MANY LIVES ON THE LINE it's a fucking wonder he didnt have a turbo emotional breakdown and collapse. Also I love when characters have species identity crisis and claim to throw their humanity away<3 I know that one <333 ALSO his color palette is really good, I wish his pants were dark though.

2. Alito: ALITOOOOOOOO ALITO MY BI ITALIAN REP. he is latino to me. as well. anyway Alito is also one of my Absolute Top Favorite Zexal Characters I fucking love him. I love Tough Guy Who Kids Love. I love his Battlin Boxers. I love his narrative parallels to Nistro (also one of my fav characters). I love both his forms!! His Barian color palette rocks. ALL OF HIS DUELS GO SO DAMN HARD ESPECIALLY THE MYTHIRIAN NUMBER ONE AND HIS 'CONTROLLED BY DON THOUSAN' DUEL. He's just so good!!! His dynamic with Yuma makes my brain spin around. I need to draw him for real so bad. I hope they put him in Duel Links soon I will whoop and cheer and clap.

cmon. gotta be basic here but you know it's VECTOR!!!!!!!!!!! God he might be. My most favorite Zexal character. He is certainly the one making me the Most insane. I feel like a version of me from a different dimension made this character in a lab just to psychologically torment me. He's BONKERS, he's FUNNY, he's SO OBSCENELY EXPRESSIVE IT'S INSANE, he LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE MY BESTIE'S BLORBO, he LOOKS LIKE MY ART STYLE. Absolute Dana Monster Perfect Storm thats destroyed my house and my brain. And then they had to go and make him SAD!!! JUST TAKE ME TO THE VET AND PUT ME DOWN, MAN!!! s-tier yugioh character. top tier favorites hall of famer. i love him to bits. half my screenshot folder looks like this now

#ygo posting #THIS WAS SUCH A HARD COUNTDOWN BUT I GOT THERE. I DID IT #TL;DR I LIKE ALL OF THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #asks #anonymous

[goji-pilled]

here's the epilogue that should've been sent after my headcanon ask, but SoulsLike x PMMM ficlet was on the brain.

so yeah, here's that! short dialogue only finale to the Meguca Madoka ficlet series, until i wanna write "boss fights" with the Quintet+ in the future.

here's to you waking up to probably violence! 🍶

---

"How are you being so blase about all of this, Klara?! You were there, of course, but why aren't you- you-"

"Angry? Sad? Smad? Believe me Tony, I am... feeling something right now. It's just a whole lotta something and not enough 'not something'."

"Of course, right, you're right. I'm sorry. It's just-"

"A whole lot with Mama and Mother right now. And this is the only time we've had this discussion, Fuzz, before you think otherwise. 'M too tired for time shenanigans."

"Were you 'tired' when you got mugged by that, what? Nephilim wannabe? Or was it one of those special cases you never say anything about."

"Calm down before you blow a fuse, Anthony. We haven't replaced the sprinklers yet after Spring."

"Oh, don't I have the right to be upset when I find out my little sister was attacked and my aunt/step-mother signed away her soul to the fucking rat-"

"Yes you do, but so do the rest of us too! Jeez, what's up with you. You and the rest filled us in with what happened with Mom, and as far as I know the rest of us aren't as wound up as you. What's up, Anthony?"

"What is 'up' is that she nearly went back to her damn roots!"

"..."

"... What?!"

"... I always wondered where it all went."

" Wondered 'what' went 'where'?"

"... Nothing. C'mon Ant, let's go to bed already. Lil' Hogie is probably wonderin' what's taking us so long for pyjama night."

"..."

...

...

"That's the third bottle, Nagi. Your mouth is sparkling with cleanliness now, you can stop."

"No, not yet. I can still taste it in my mouth, feel it on my lips and chin. It was... too familiar..."

"Hmm... Dug up some bad dreams?"

"Yeah. Hey Yuma?"

"M'hmm?"

"How fast was I? When she went full Shoujo and stuff?"

"Um... I think..."

"..."

"Probably around half a second, followed by Mami and Oktavia."

"..."

"Hey, it doesn't mean anything. It just shows you're still the quickest on the draw out of all of us. No biggie!"

"... Thanks, big sis."

"Always, lil' sis."

...

...

"How did we get blood out of wool and cotten again?"

"We didn't. We jus' tossed 'em out and replaced 'em as soon as we could, if we should've at all."

"Ah, I see. Thank you, darling."

"'Course, Mami. Don't- Well, keep it t'a minimum okay?"

"Teehee, no promises~."

"... Heh."

"..."

"..."

"... She's not going to be back until morning, will she?"

"I don't blame her. I'm still wracking my head if I wasn't hallucinatin' some of that scuffle, let alone the kiddos and Homs and 'Doka. What a hassle..."

"Indeed, it was quite the flurry of a commotion in here. Such a shame to see the tea and couch go, they were lovely."

"P'sure the Kanames will appreciate their kids bein' very not-dead more than the hot leaf water, Mami."

"As they should. I just worry about whether or not they'll take the new revelation well. At least they'll finally get that sectional sofa they've eyed for so long."

"'Swear you just tossed Homs' in here for the collateral."

"You can't prove that~."

"Hmm, you're right. But maybe Holger could..."

"..."

"..."

"... Did you feel it too, Kyouko?"

"... That feeling of seein' an ol' friend? Yeah..."

"It suits Madoka-chan, at least. The outfit looks like those doodles she showed us so long ago."

"... Once she calms down enough, I'll ask Homs 'bout it. Been on my mind lately."

"At least in a few days time, okay Kyouko? You remember how she was back when we all first reunited with Oktavia."

...

...

"Homura-chan, please relax. Your shoulders will stay wound up for the rest of the week if you keep them hunched over."

"..."

"It's unfortunate that I had to sign a contract, yes, but it's something that I would always be willing to do. You remember, right Homura-chan?"

"... I do."

"You know about how selfish I am, to be wanted, to be needed. To help the world in whatever way I can - to be special."

"...I know."

"So please, don't blame yourself. Don't blame anyone. It was my choice, and it was always bound to happen."

"Constants and variables..."

"... Yeah..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Homura-chan?"

"Yes, Madoka?"

"Could you... teach me, what I should know, as a Magical Girl? If it's something you can't do, I'll understand."

"..."

"... Homura-chan?"

"..."

---

YOU GET NO EXPLICIT CLOSURE FROM HOMURA!

anyways here's the end to that saga, maybe, until full video game idea hits me with the urge to write. i kinda wanted to add Walpy's PoV too, but dhe's kinda... uhh... psuedo-canon i think to the DW verse at the mo'? just know that I would've added her if i didn't already find this fitting as is.

tune in next time where i write about the PMMM FromSoft edition ficlet series. Until then~.

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

#felix answers #io3 #long post #oh god. oh fuck. #also walpy is more like schroedigers witch #is she there? is she not? who knows?

[akane171]

Haha, yess, that's you😂 Which only made it double funny 🤣🤣

Ohh, Yeah, no, the puppies are perfect, we're just kinda fighting over their custody...I think?😅🤷🏻‍♀️ I'M NOT GIVING UP ON LOVING THOSE PUPPIES, DAMMIT!😭😭

With both of our track records, I can't even act like I'm surprised we both like Itachi and his relationship with his Brother (and his parents, OMG, that last talk before he killed them😭😭 and ohhhhh, SHISUI😭😭😭) 

Gotta agree on that, I love how it was so focused on friendship (even more so than animes like Fairy Tail that supposedly are about friendship but kinda get lost in romance) and it *is* very refreshing compared to Western shows (not including your mentioned examples) but it was indeed kinda weird how obsessive (and at some point even kinda toxic) they made Naruto and Sasuke's friendship😅 Esp. with the kinds retconning they did later where Shikamaru (and Choji) actually seemed to have been the first same-aged people to accept Naruto, not Sasuke😅 Tho Sasuke at least still had the "most relatable cause he doesn't have a family either" things going 🤔😅🙈

Ohh, sounds interesting and yes, I think I've read a few similar texts 🤔 It's actually kinda sad how men can't have bffs without society immediately assuming shit... A few weeks ago I actually heard a grown man say "my best friend" for once and I honestly just sat there and was like "Heck yeah, he's comfortable af in his sexuality and masculinity, how wonderful", just internally cheering at that😂🙈 SOCIETY SHOULD ALLOW MEN (or anyone at all, really) TO HAVE BESTIES WITHOUT GIVING THEM HELL FOR IT!😩

...PShhhhh🤫🤫🤫 What my mind doesn't realize can't make me ugly-sob in the corner til it's over🙈😖😂 Let's just ignore that thought and focus on how hopefully at the end they'll have (at least) two little Karamel!kiddos running around them while they are happily married😍

... Okay, shit, now that brainwash thought already got stuck in my head🙈🤦🏻‍♀️😖 Oh god, imagine Kara and post-brainwashed!Mon "playing" Katniss and Peeta's "Real, not real" game😰😰😰🙈🙈

You are not sorry😖😑

...please tell me that's NOT what you have thought up as the end and instead maybe Mon returns (knowing you, he's probably at least hurt) some months/years later?🤨🙈

DAMNIT NEEDS BOTH HIS PARENTS! DON'T MAKE THE POOR DOG HALF AN ORPHAN😭😭😭

"Dude from Magic Mike"...I've never watched that but do you mean Channing Tatum (the main lead in that movie?)😂 But ohhh, what's the movie called, it doesn't sound half bad🤔🤔

Definitely😂

Well, there's still that whole theory that Loki in Avengers was brainwashed/mind-controlled by Thanos cause his eyes were blue instead of green, but yes, I doubt Mon would manage anything that malicious of his own accord🙈 And aww, yeah, Thor and Mon do have the Space-Puppy-ness in common😍😂😂

Ohh, Tyler Hoechlin is confirmed too now? Nicee😍💃🏻 Haha, I'll keep my fingers crossed your wish will come true, but I feel like you might get dissapointed on that front😅🙈🙈🙈

Top 10-15 songs?😶😯 Uff, you're asking stuff😂 Like, I'm not even sure myself which songs that list would make up😅😅 It kinda depends on my mood and which genre and language you mean, too🤔 Uhh, of the english songs, generally I suppose I (almost) never skip "In the end" and "Numb" by Linkin Park, "House of Memories" and I write sins not tragedies" by Panic! at the Disco, uhhh "Panic Room" by Theory of A Deadman, "Can you feel my Heart" by Bring me the Horizon.... uhhhh....uhhhh... Do you mind if I think on this first?😂 My brain literally can't come up with ANY song I know rn 😅🙈

WAIT WAIT WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED TO LW'S WRIST?!?!?!😱😰😱😰😱😰

XXX

So what, you and LW are married, divorcing and fighting for a custody? INTENSE!

Yep. He was the MVP of the series. Maybe because there was not a lot about him and he was for long time a mystery? So Kishimoto couldn't have fucked him, like he did with the most of the other characters xD

Well, Naruto acted like a pysycho fangirl when you think about it xD But it was nice that they seen themselves as brothers, without romantwic feelings. And in a way, when you think about Winchesters for example, they were super toxic too.

Hmm, if i remember correctly, but my memory is shit, Sasuke and Naruto acknowledged themselves not long after Itachi did the boo boo. But the fact is... Naruto had much better (healthier) friends, but I guess because since the begining there was rivalry, the sharing "no family" etc. it was so important for both of them. Because gaining it was so tough? At least for Naruto. This or that, it was interesting to follow.

Imagine how LOW the bar is. From what I remember, in the past showing affection in male x male friendship was something normal. But then homophobia happened and here we are. Not only males are fucked but females too, thanks to it. XXI century :))))) AAAAAAA!!!!!!

Hopefully!

Yep, that would be crushing.... still entertaining xD

No? I mean so far I have never ended my story as pure tragedy, so maybe I finally should :P

Life is brutal! Even for the dogs?

But ok, ok, it would be a happy ending. Probably.

The movie is called The Vow. And yes, that dude, never remember his name, lol. It was an ok movie. I just don't like him, because he is not the best actor, in my humble opinion. And he sucks in romantic roles.

Oh the fan theories xD I mean, Loki in the later movies/shows, behaved a little different, so maybe? Haven't seen the Loki show, tho. Loki is another example of sad tragic character, when you think about it. Maybe Sasuke would have ended like that, if Itachi hadn't killed anyone and Sasuke had to lust for his fahter's attention xDDDD

Yeah, I mean Mon is a little... more... sneaky? And less happy go lucky, but still imagine them both on a party - the world would end with a blast xD

Yes, he is! There was some pic with him on the set, so yay! i just wonder who is the kid's mother. Because it doesn't seem it is Breaden :/

Like duh, all my ships always go to shit, so *rolls eyes*

I see you suffer from the similar song disease aka who knows what song I'm going to torture myself and other people with today xD

Yes, I am asking stuff ;3 Searching for some new music and well, your fave music tells a lot about you, I think? xD

Aww, i like the Linkin Park's song too. As for the Panic! and the rest - interesting. Gimme me moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Well, she said it hurt two days ago but it's better now and she takes care of it and let's say I "believe" her =_______________=' So, maybe in the next anon tell her to take care of herself =='

#ReFail #my fam

[muffindaddystyles]

𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐒.

Tw// eating disorder.

I was thinking of how I skip meals and stuff while studying, but still people could comment on how a certain way my body has gotten. So,,,yeah. Just wanted to write a blurb on that.

Eating meals thrice a day's fun thing, kiddos.

Harry's busy with album, well you with uni to the point you've no spare time to take care of yourself. You just wakes up giving a haste kiss to him, rush to university because you were studying all last night in the guest room not to disturb him knowing how half of limps he comes back from the studio. When you're back at home he's at the studio again and you straight away flops into your sheets without eating anything, then you again get up from your nap have a bit of snack and the routine goes on for irritatingly exhausting loop.

Else when Harry's not too busy in work he checks upon you while your nose's in books, he brings you snacks. green apples. your favourite chocolates. cack-buns. whatever he could steal from refrigerator. He clings to you until you don't end up taking a break pouting adorably, "what'd ye' do without me hu? starve yourself." So you always end up giving in.

When he becomes your tutor for the mean time and it all has one ending; that's him quenching out many orgasms from you while you thrash in his lap, him fuckin' you raw because he has missed your warmth too passion, him teasing you not letting you focus on what you're studying. That's the worst one from all of the above because when he does that he doesn't stop and it drives you insane.

When sometimes you're too stubborn he grabs you by ankles making you squeal in amusement and throws you on his shoulder to drag you to the nearest diner and swear you look like panda wearing his tattered t-shirt and pyjamas.

He doesn't let you sit in another room and study alone, whining that he couldn't sleep without you in his arms and he used to sleep on you listening to the buzz of whatever you were reading, cheek smashed against your tummy arms coiled around your waist.

That indeed caused you weakened eyesight from focusing under the night lamp. But, you loved it how he always tried to make you stick to him now he couldn't you miss him and his care.

Dinners long forgotten. In breakfast you eat cereal in the same bowl Harry did moments ago before leaving you have time for nothing, and in lunch you fill your system with cold coffees.

Now. You were free after your exams hanging out with your classfellows for few hours before going home and seep into your sheets for two damn days.

"Looks like you gained weight, during this semester." One of your classmates told you with a weird pull of her brows and you chuckled nervously not knowing what to say, the plastic cup of cold mocha in your hand getting sweaty.

"Pfft. She looks fine. This one was hectic for all of us. Y/n you look great." There's a huge lie under it because you look sodden and emotionally traumatised, you know it people don't need to butter things up for you.

You excused yourself from the hangout. You looked at delcious mocha with watering mouth and yearning gaze but you gave it to the homeless little girl in your way considered how many carbs it contains.

You rambled to yourself. Muttering under your breath what you'd have said to her. 'Maybe beacuse I'm happy and when you're happy your heart makes more blood. Maybe I'm hanging out with my friends more often eating to my fullest and maybe I enjoy having late night snacks with my boyfriend.'

But you were doing none of that so you couldn't have said that to her.

When you stepped inside your home it was smelling appetizing, again watering your mouth and making your stomach growl loudly.

When you padded inside Harry was making pasta for you in the kitchen singing a melody to himself most probably of his album. He's glowing from hanging out with his friends, writing songs, and singing them whole day at studio but you're not you feel miserable.

At some point you had thought of dropping out and end this shit for real but looking forward to Harry. How he faces every hardship and never gives up, you did not too. You're always gonna idolise him.

Harry notices your presence and he wide spreads his arms for you to just cuddle into him. Wooden spatula in his hand and he grins brightly at you, "c'mere puppy. made pasta fo' m'girl." You didn't felt like eating it. Not because you're not hungry. You're fucking starving but your stomach has gotten accustomed to be empty all the time that it's feeling like a mission to fill it.

"M'not hungry. Had lunch already." You muttered lying to him walking past him to your shared room and his brows rocketed to his forehead surprised that you didn't fled in his arms as you usually do, not even a peck on his cheek, not an appreciation that you'd eat it after your nap.

You're a bit cranky, stressed and all over the place. You don't want to take it all out in him because you know you'd say mean things just as "I missed you so much, but all you cared was to enjoy yourself with your friends and make songs with them." . "Duh. Only if I could be a singer who doesn't needs to do anything." Or "you didn't once checked upon me." Because you know that would be your nonsensical words but it would really hurt him.

Not changing into comfortable clothes you dived into your sheets sleeping on your stomach. Harry felt alone and sad even though you guys aren't being that close for months despite of some quick sex in shower and when you or him badly needs a release.

He didn't even touched his home made pasta putting it in container and storing it into fridge. His ears perked up at your moans, only realizing that those were moans of pain. You were groaning in your sleep from the headache and cold sweat breaking all over you, you're feeling nauseous even in your sleep too.

Harry was by your side resting his hand atop your shoulder and he found you bathed into sweat, pulling his bottom lip he frowned running his thumb in circles at the nape of your neck.

It's so unlike of you. To not change and brush your hair before going to bed. He turned you around, "shh. sh. baby 's me Harry." He whispered when you whimpered snuggling your face to his folded thigh and tucking your hands in between your own thighs like a sandwich.

He stroked your blazed flushed cheeks with the back of his index finger. Taking in the slightest of features that looks worn out, he really missed you and he kinda feels bad that he got so engulfed into everything that he forgot to check if you're okay.

He pecked your lips removing duvet from over you changing your clothes only leaving you in your panties and your favourite rolling stone shirt of his's. He massaged your soles and ankles a timid smile creeping at his lips at the memory how he used to give you head and back massages. He missed being by your side too.

It was past midnight and you were still into deep sleep. Concerned Harry gently tapped your shoulders kissing your forehead, "bubba. wake up darlin' you haven't eaten anything." Only if Harry knew how it has become a routine.

You woke up with little yawns and cute rubs of eyes making your Harry giggle and shower you in his loud wet kisses. The storm had yet to come. When your eyes fell over your clothes anxiety ignited in all of your body and you pushed him not even glimpesing at the awfully hurt eyes he got after that.

You quickly covered yourself with duvet with wide eyes stuttering, "why did you changed my clothes." You don't want him to look at you when you're so out of shape and not feeling physically appreciative in yourself even though you're exactly how you were before.

This's what happens when someone puts the seed of insecurities inside you.

Harry did what he has been doing the whole day, frowned in confusion he doesn't want to think you're done with him and doesn't loves him anymore but it's flickering through his mind.

"M'sorry, jus' thought that I always used to change you. You wouldn't mind." At this you strewned your lip inside not to cry at your situation how do you tell him what you're feeling?

He fumbled with his rings. Shaking your head you stood up but a train of dizziness making you knock your knees with the beds foot and Harry was on his feet wrapping you in his arms.

"You need to eat. m'not takin' any excuses. When was the last time you ate?" He was furious at you. He doesn't care if you push him this time too. He loves you too much to let you ruin your health like this. When even you forgot that what was the last time you ate a proper meal He shook his head in exasperation.

The door to ensuite bathroom was open wide as he sat a tray of pasta and two plates infront of you, his head craned in your direction as you examined yourself in the bright lit mirror.

Pinching your slightest pouch then turning a little to have a proper look of yourself. Harry didn't said anything he just observed you joining the dots clearing his throat, "come to me, pet." He made space for you and you tried to give him a smile that came out wavering.

Eating in silence. After, so much time it feels like eating a proper meal's a blessing but you couldn't eat much giving it to Harry and he took it from you kissing your head.

"Sorry." You mumbled and he stood taking the trays with himself raising his finger in air gesturing you to wait.

He waddled back not thinking twice and taking you in his arms, burying his nose into your hair as you did into his sweater cuddling closer to him.

"I know you're not feelin' good. Bad days happens with all of us." His lips lingered over your hair and he's missing the usual smell of your shampoo. He smoothed down your arms and it's the proper cuddle you're sharing after so long.

"Whateva' goin' with you tell me whenev' you're ready." His finger tucks under your chin thumb circling over your softest skin.

You just wanted to let it all out but decided against it thinking you're gonna get back to normal and everything would be okay.

Sensing your hesitation just from the beats of your heart he reminded you looking you straight in your eyes, "remember. I'm gonna love you forever and always. Whateva' it takes for m'body to."

You nodded giving a chaste kiss to his lips and both of your eyes fluttered at that warmth, his fingers dipping into your hips.

Next day you were way better. Hanging out with Harry's bestest friend at café near your home, Harry has his arm slinged around your shoulder keeping you close to him as he talked joyously.

"What would you like to eat bunny? Brownie?" He asked you knowing how much you love brownies. If anyone wants to have their way to your heart it's always brownies and chocolates.

When you first started dating Harry, he knew how much you loved chocolates so he would bring a box of different chocolates with one tulip everytime he used to visit you. He used to fed those delights to you (with a kiss in return of each) so much that you had a sugar crash once which isn't your proudest moment.

You shook your head at which his friend quips, "ooooh dieting miss?" Then that same damn insecurity came back rushing to you and when you looked down then to her asking her innocently Harry's heart broke into millions pieces, realization dawning on him with a jab.

"Do you think I need to diet?" She shakes her head vigorously trying to make you understand that her intention wasn't to make you feel bad, "hey no. you're perfectly healthy I was just teasing you." You nod at her with a little "oh." and after that Harry felt you zoning out away from him emotionally.

At home on your bed while Harry rummaged through drawers for your favourite sushi socks you pondered over everything quietly, it's frustrating him. Your silence's killing him. He wants his bubbly bunny back who used to hop in excitement, who used to crack boomer jokes with him, who used to eat brownies and chocolates like it's her last sweetness.

"Bunny..." He gave a squeeze to your ankle after slipping your feet into warm socks, "talk t' me yeah? 'S killin' me." You sapped your teeth into your lower lip.

"It's been hard Harry. Very very hard." He cradles your jaw and you continued, "my head used to ache so bad while studying, eyes used to sting and I stopped eating anything...." Tears bearing at your eyeline and Harry scoots closer to you. He feels awful.

".....n' and you weren't there. I missed you so much you know...wanted to sleep in your arms after a long day...." You were full on sobbing now and Harry's own lip wobbled he can't see you crying especially when he's the reason.

"M' s' sorry baby. Such a dickhead I'm." He wipes your tears with his hands lost inside you hair and thumbs stroking the apples of your cheeks.

"Then again people had to throw it on my face that I've gained extra fats—" Harry grunted at this nose flaring, "who the fuck told ya—oh my god." His eyes enlarging and he felt so fucking remorseful that this's what you were insecure of from days.

"Listen to me y/n. You're exactly like how you were baby. Except more beautiful. Don't let any man, any woman to tell you that you're not. Don't let 'em hurt ye' bunny." He pulled you in his lap kissing your cheeks as you cried into his shoulder and he let you because you need it.

"Never hide your body from me bubba. You know that I worship it with my whole heart." He murmured and now you're full on crying with breath hitching, hiccuping like an innocent baby.

"M' an' awful person." He protested knuckles feathering your jaw, "no you're not."

"Yes I'm. You love me so much and–and I wanted to say mean hurtful things to you." You huffed at him when he smiled musingly, "because I was the one never giving my all lovin" to you how you deserve in the very first place. No' made sure you were eatin' properly or not, you know how worried I got findin' you practically drenched with sweat in bed that day? It was because of your low blood pressure."

He squeezes you in his arms, sponging light kisses at the side of your neck while you closed your eyes and he slipped his hand under your shirt tickling you hooking his thumb in your belly button.

"I'll love your soul in every body." His affectionate words soon turned into cheeky ones, "anddd yeh' know how much I like pregnant women."

You giggled at him smacking his shoulder but he captured it interlacing your fingers kissing the gap of your each knuckle.

That night. You guys made dinner together eating it with a big smile and gratefully for Harry you licked your plate clean.

"Sweets?" You asked him with a lowered gaze and a tilt of your head. He tapped his lips teasingly straddling you over his thigh and a moan fused into warm air when your lips slotted into perfect missing puzzles.

He admired. Sipped. Adored every inch of you tasting your mouth while his fingers kissed the dip of your waist and thighs.

"Hmm. Close your eyes open your mouth." He pecked your lips placing his thumb over your tongue and you obeyed closing your eyes shut.

Soon his thumb was replaced with dark sweetness and you instantly got on what he has done, immediately opening your eyes chewing the chocolate. Tangerine bursting on your tongue as the chocolate cracked open.

"Such a cute little mouth chews just like a bunny." He moans against your lips swiping at the hint of chocolate on your lower lip and you mumbled an appreciative 'thank you.' to him which was soon captured by his own mouth in the form of passionate kiss.

.

P.s: I freakin' love chocolates and this whole situation I wrote it on me because I know I've alot of people struggling through the same difficulty the thing's we've to be our own Harry.

#harry styles #cute harry #harry styles blurb #harry smut #fluff #dom harry #harry styles smut #harry angst #hsh #harrystyles smut #harry #angst with a happy ending #harry x reader #eating disoder things

[lil-sweater-slut]

𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥

𝐁𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏,𝟕𝟔𝟕

reader's boyfriend cheats on her. During her time of need, all of her friends surrounded her with love and words of affirmation. Her best of friend Bucky Barnes was the main one to get her by in this situation

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒇𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇, 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈

This is the one post on my blog that's okay for anyone of all ages unless swear words bother you.

"Are you fucking kidding me...." You stared in disbelief at your boyfriend of two years phone, eight, not one, eight photos that he screenshot of another girl, butt ass naked in the shower.

You chucked your boyfriends phone by his feet, the photos still showing on his screen, "What the fuck is that?" You asked just waiting for what excuse this bastard had. He turned his swivel chair, he scrunched his eyebrows in confusion until he held the phone up to his face and saw what he didn't ever want you to find. His eyes went wide and his jaw slack. "y/n...I can explain.." you stood up taking your face in your head as you sobbed, "I cannot fucking believe you. Are you fucking kidding me? Really?! What the hell man?...." You just sobbed more, shoulders shaking and your adrenaline at an all time high. Your heart was racing and aching.

"Did you really just wanna throw away two years like that? You're so fucking stupid dude...." Your boyfriend did nothing but sit in his chair, head hung low in defeat as he knew he definitely fucked up.

In a swift movement, you packed up a couple clothes for a couple days, your blankets, pillows, all your essentials for the night. "I'll be back to pack up more of my stuff later in the week. We're fucking done." You walked down the hallway and out the door. It was late October and you forgot a damn coat.

You wiped your tears from your eyes to help you see your phone screen better, calling some really good friends who will comfort you and reassure you in every way possible...."Hey Nat, uhm. Do you think I can stay the night for tonight?" You sniffled and Nat knew, she knew you really needed all of them right now, "Always. I'll come get ya in five okay kiddo?" "Okay."

The next morning

You laid on the couch in the living room of the avengers common area, Nat and Wanda doing the best they can to comfort. Your head laid on Nats lap as she ran her fingers through your hair and Wanda rubbed your legs in a comforting way.

\The common are was silent as your boys sat in the kitchen planning your boyfriends demise. Not that Nat and Wanda weren't doing the same, they just knew you needed some girl time. Your eyes were puffy from crying all night, they stung really bad too not to mention the headache you have from dehydration.

God this is a mess.

"I say we smash down his door and break his limbs first" Thor states as he bites his nails in anticipation. Banner and Tony both look at you like a wounded puppy and just wished they can make you smile again. "Thor....don't. that'll just make things worse...." You say as you stare off into the distance. You know he means well and you're comforted in the idea that all of your boys are here for you.

Well almost all of your boys...

Practically on que, Steve and Buck walk through the door, fresh from a mission. Steve sees you first, Nat told Steve about what happened so he gave a sad smile and joined the rest of them in the kitchen. Buck came in dropping his bags.

When you hear the clatter of guns you jumped up from the couch. The sight of your puffy red eyes, quivering lip and tear stained face stopped him right in his place. "Doll?" You whimpered when you saw him "Bucky..." You sobbed more and reached out for him.

You and Buck have been the best of friends for the longest time. It does help that he's saved you on multiple occasions kinda like peter and Mj. Nat and Wanda moved aside so your best guy could hold you close and comfort you. He moved swiftly by your side and hugged you as tight as possible as you cried into his neck, his metal hand held the back of your head and his other wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him. "Hey kid... Shh, I got ya, you're okay...."

This sight of you shattered his heart. You were Always super tough, never got to emotional about things and you never have cried infront of anyone so seeing you like this...it broke his heart. He glanced at everyone in the kitchen and they were all so saddened about this. They all loved you deeply and never want to see you hurt. Not physically and not emotionally. Steve motioned that you guys go talk in Bucks room for some privacy.

He slightly nodded and pulled you off just a bit. He wiped away some of your tears and held your face In his hands, "do you want to go lay down? Get in something comfy and talk to me doll?" You nodded your head. He stood up taking both of your hands in his taking you down the hallway. Once the door is open you immediately head to the bed and sit down, your fuzzy blanket draped over your shoulders as you looked around.

He shut the door softly and walked over to his dresser, "do you want your favorite pair of my sweats and my hoodie?" He looked over at you, his heart always fluttered seeing you on his bed. He would never tell you because he respected your relationship and valued your friendship but he was head over heels in love with you. But seeing you on his bed in this state only made him want to hold you close and run his fingers through your hair as you cling to him "uh yes please." You say in almost a whisper.

Your voice was also hoarse from screaming and yelling all night. He smiled at you slightly and handed you his black hoodie and dark grey sweat pants, all of which are a bit big on you. He always thought it was cute. He looked away as you changed. Once you were done you lay back on the bed and curled up by the pillows which was quickly replaced by Bucks thigh. He ran his fingers through your hair as you clutched onto his pants and sniffled, tears dripping slowly, "he cheated on me bucky....he cheated" you sobbed more and turned you head into his leg so it would quite down your sobs and gasps for air. His eyes closed and his jaw clenched. His metal arm shifted and his fist balled up, he fucking knew it.

That guy was always so shady, and he hated him more now than he ever did. He took his best gal from him and now he broke her. He broke his best gal. He scooted down and held you in his arms as you sobbed some more, "C'mere doll..." You took a deep shaky breath and sighed in relief when Buck held you. He always made you feel safer, protected, secure and loved in no way your boyfriend could. He planted a small kiss on your forehead and held you for a bit longer when you finally drifted off to sleep.

A couple hours later you woke up, Bucky had his arms still wrapped around you tightly. Your eyes were puffy again and your dehydration headache was more than you could bear. You groaned and Buck was up in a heartbeat, "Hey kid, how are ya feeling?" He brushed a few fly aways from your face, running his metal thumb on your cheek, soothing it from the heat. "my head hurts like crazy... and desperately need to shower" you say as you sit up some more. Buck grabbed you some water and gave you an ibuprofen for the headache, he kneeled down in front of you as you took the medicine.

The water went down easy and actually helped your headache a bit, the ibuprofen still needed to kick in though. He took your bottle and set it on his night stand next to the bed, "you ready to shower?" He looked up at you softly. You nodded your head as he helped you stand up, he took you to the bathroom and turned the water on full blasting hot like you like it. 'An absolute lunatic' he thought to himself. He turned to peak at you and you were staring at yourself in the mirror with the hoodie and sweats off. You hated what you saw, "Why....why wasn't I good enough? What's wrong with me...." You sobbed more as you looked at yourself.

Bucky moved by you quickly and hugged you tight "hey, listen to me Y/n! This is not your fault! Your boyfriend being stupid is not your fault and I need you to know that. Okay? Look at me doll" he hooked his index finger under your chin so you could make eye contact with his steel blues, "you are beautiful... So so beautiful and seeing you like this....hating yourself for something that slime ball did...It shatters my heart. You are gorgeous in every which way possible-" he stopped a bit to gauge your facial expressions so far, you look at him with your beautiful eyes wanting to hear more of what he has to say "Y/n you have no idea...you do so many things to me. When you walked into Tony's last Christmas with that dress.. Jesus you made my knees weak and I felt like a legitimate 107 year old man for a hot minute" that earned a chuckle out of you and a small smile. "Don't even get me started on that smile and laugh of yours...you make this super soldier feel like Jell-O ma'am..." You looked up knowing now what he was talking about. All of these years, the flirty comments, the jaw slacking anytime you walked into the room, anytime he'd linger his eyes on your lips and eyes and face for a bit too long.

By God, you felt it too. You brought a hand up to his scruffy face and the other to his arm your eyes just bleeding with want. You want him, you need him, he makes you feel beautiful, wanted and loved. He noticed your eyes and hands and took the one on his face "are you sure doll?" He looked down at you, jaw clenching and heart racing.

"I am" and in one quick move, your lips crashed to his. Both your lips melding together and making a perfect rhythm. He wrapped his arms around your waist as his other found his way to your hair pushing your face closer to his. "Doll..."

#bucky barns x reader #bucky barnes #winter solider fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #fluff #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader

[lancetuckershairgel]

Warnings: angst, mentions of abuse

Words: 1290

Taglist (open): @southernbell91 @mycupoffanfiction @marvelgirl7 @book-dragon-13 @buckysforeverprincess @tranquil--heart @brat-in-a-teacup @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @jobean12-blog @buckysteveloki-me @anxiousamandapanda @msruchita @bonkybarnes107 @i-have-arrived-bitch @jhangelface0523 @godofplumsandthunder

For the first time Chris dreaded seeing Lily st lunch. He didn't want to tell her what had happened to Lucy after the attempted run away, but he knew she would have questions. He almost went to hide in his office for the period but knew he couldn't disappoint the little girl especially since she was going through so much. He sucked it up and made his way through the line then to the table.  

"Hi Lily" Chris said as he sat down

"Hi." Lily said quietly 

"Are you okay?"

Chris tilted his head. Lily seemed off, sad. Even during the time she lived with her father Lily was always happy, smiling, and oblivious to anything bad going on. 

Lily just shrugged and took a bite of the quinoa and avocado bowl her foster mother packed for her lunch. She wrinkled her nose but ate anyway. 

"If something is bothering you maybe I can help?" 

"Everyone hates me. The kids in my class said my daddy left me because he didn't love me and my new mommy and daddy won't love me either. No one will."

"Lily that's no-"

"They're wrong though." Lily interrupted Chris, looking up at him "Lucy loves me."

"Lucy loves you very much." 

"I wish she hadn't got caught. Is she in jail? Can she come see me?" 

"I...uhm...erm.." Chris didn't know what to say "She's...safe right now. Everything is getting sorted out and it just takes some time but I hope the two of you will be together soon.".

"I hope so too."

"Lily, lots of people love you. Your foster parents love you very much, look at your adorable top and all the yummy food that your foster mom packs for you. Your teachers love you, I love you." 

"You do?" Lily's eyes widened 

"Mhm" Chris smiled softly

"I wish you could be my dad." Lily muttered as she looked at her avocado

The two continued to talk through lunch and by the time the bell rang, Lily was giggling again.  

"Hey Chris?" Lily turned around as she was walking toward her class line "If you see Lucy can you tell her I miss her?" 

"I will" Chris promised 

He knew the girls were having a hard time with the change of life they were experiencing and his heart hurt for them but until the judge reviewed his case there wasn't anything he could do except continue to see Lily at school every day and reassure her that things were going to be okay. 

The next day he left work a little early to visit Lucy at the detention center for visitation day.  He checked in at the front, received the pat down and had his weapon confiscated, then was escorted to the day room where families were already gathering to visit their wayward children.  He sat down at a table that had a few board games and a deck of cards on it and waited for Lucy. 

"Griffin. You got a visitor." A guard yelled from the front of the bunk room.

Lucy was one of the few girls forced to stay out of the day room during visiting hours which made them feel even more like prisoners. Lucy had already assumed she wouldn't have anyone come see her so she was laying in her bed staring at the ceiling. 

"Griffin let's go."

Lucy sighed and climbed down from the bed.

"Who is it?" She asked curiously as she followed the guard out of the door, the heavy bars sliding closed as they exited

"A man, your dad?" The guard glanced over 

"Don't have a dad." Lucy grumbled "And if I did he wouldn't come."

The guard frowned. Most of the girls in here didn't have one or both parents in their lives and it was hard on them when someone talked about theirs. Lucy entered the day room and rolled her eyes when she saw Chris. The two looked at each other for a moment before the guard nudged Lucy.

"Go on." 

Lucy sat across from Chris, looking away from him. He studied her for a moment before finally speaking. 

"You doing ok, Luce?" 

"I'm great Chris. This five star resort is just the vacation I needed to get away from all of life's stresses."

He sighed. Lucy was still angry at him.

"Why are you even here?" 

"Well, I thought you'd like some company, see if you need anything."

Lucy looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

"Why am I the one you picked to be your charity case, Chris?" She asked bitterly "Out of all the kids you know you chose my life to fuck up."

"You're not a charity case, Lucy. I genuinely care about you and your sister. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because no one else has ever cared about us."

Chris looked down. He couldn't imagine the years Lucy spent under the abuse of her father and being ignored by teachers or neighbors. If people had more balls to report situations like hers she could have gotten out a long time ago. 

"My whole life it's just been me and Lily, and you come along wanting to 'help' and just mess it up. We were fine without you." 

"No you weren't." 

"We were." Lucy argued

Chris bit his tongue and decided not to push her further. He could tell by the way she was slowly rocking, picking at her nails, that she was agitated. An outburst would mean trouble for her. He decided to change the subject. 

"You want to play a game?" He asked

"No." 

"Come on" Chris picked up the deck of cards and unwrapped the rubber band "Can you shuffle?" 

"Of course I can shuffle." Lucy snapped, grabbing the cards from his hand and began to shuffle them

"Know any card games?"

"Poker." 

Chris raised his eyebrow. 

"What?" Lucy shrugged as she began to deal the cards "Old man's friends would come over, they'd play. I watched and learned. Mostly because I had to."

"Why'd you have to watch?" 

Lucy placed the remaining cards down and stared deep into Chris' eyes. 

"Usually I was the bet." 

She laughed dryly when he became noticeably uncomfortable. 

"I'm figuring that's not the case here though. Do me a favor, go get a pack of gum and m&ms from the vending machine."

Chris did so and returned with the candy. The girls were only allowed vending snacks if their visitors purchased them and their behavior charts were green. Lucy opened both packs and divided the candy between her and Chris and began the game. 

"How's Lily?" Lucy asked as they played

"She's doing okay. The family she's with is wonderful, they're doing a lot for her." 

"I'm sure they're great." Lucy muttered 

"She misses you." 

"Just play the game." 

Chris could tell that Lucy was getting emotional by the crack in her voice. He stopped talking and played until she beat him, smugly taking all of the candy and shoving it in the pocket of her pants. 

"You're good."

"Well..when I got old enough the old man would let me play. If I won he'd buy food. Had to get good quick."

"Seriously?" Chris thought to himself, wishing he could find Lucy's father just to kill him. 

Visiting hours were almost over and other families were beginning to leave but Chris stayed until the final minute. 

"Lucy, listen. I know things are hard right now and it seems like it's not going to get better but I'm trying. Things just take a little time. Everything is going to be okay, kiddo." 

Lucy looked away from Chris and crossed her arms over herself. 

"I'll see you Sunday okay?" 

Lucy just shrugged. 

#safe haven #fan fiction #fanfic #destroyer!chris #sebastian stan

[sebs-anxiety-and-insanity]

TW: Implied self harm, implied suicide, c!thomas is a sad mess, cussing

Viewer discretion is advised

Here is the song by city and colour

The way it used to be/ ThVi (its sad)

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This is the story of a man

Thomas sat on his couch, scrolling through Twitter, replying to mentions here and there, just sitting. He felt Virgil lay down on his lap, going seemingly limp against him. Thomas put down his phone to turn his attention to his boyfriend. "You good there, Virge?" He nodded, smiling. "Having anxiety is just exhausting." Thomas sighed. "Why didn't you come get me?" Virgil shook his head. "Didn't wanna bother you, and besides, it wasn't even that bad. Now I am here with you." He turned on his side wrapping his arms around Thomas's waist. Thomas sighed in content. He knew this would be the rest of his life and he was completely happy with it.

Who took for granted everything he had

"I- I'm sorry okay? Please calm down!" Virgil said harshly not wanting to scream anymore than Thomas already had. "NO! WHAT THE HELL?!!! YOU KNEW THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME!!! THAT COULD'VE BEEN MY BREAK!!" Virgil shrunk back a bit. "I- I know, but-but I can't help it! Its literally my job!" Thomas huffed. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ANXIETY!!!!" Virgil flinched. He called him anxiety instead of his name.... Right as Thomas began to opened his mouth again, Virgil teleported to his room, locking the door.

And how he let it all just slip away

From then on, Virgil didn't act the same, flinching away from touches, hardly speaking and never wanted to be touched really. And a few months after a few more fights and awkward encounters he finally came out of his room he only grabbed a book, one Thomas had never seen before, and left. Returning hours later to say quietly that it would never happen again. And he left. Thomas would've gone after him but he had to go somewhere, and he would always be here when he gets back. Waiting for him since there isn't no where else to go.

Never to return again

He arrived back home sad? He hadn't had any anxiety which was unusual since he was surrounded by a bunch of people, bombarding him with a bunch of questions. He decided now was the time to go check on Virgil, say he is sorry and figure out why everything seemed gloomy. He went into the mind palace, and even the living room which was a neutral space was sad, not as much as everything else but still sad. He walked up the stairs, immediately noticing the bright blue door that had dogs and cats with a couple of frogs, was deepened and cracked, similar things done to the other doors. He walked down closer to Virgil's room, when he heard sobbing. Panic seeping in he ran to Virgils room only to stop dead in his tracks. Patton was crying, and was being cradled by Logan. Janus was in tears on Virgils bed, cradling a piece of fabric. He looked in the bathroom and his blood ran cold. Roman had tears steaming down while harshly talking with Remus, who was in the same state. He couldn't make out what they were saying since they were not audible from where he was. And a single limp arm dangled from the bathtub, red streaks streaming down said arm. Rushing in Roman immediately tried to stop him from seeing, but it was too late. He already saw Virgils lifeless body in a bathtub of red from his bleeding wrists. Tears streaming down his face. He faught against Roman to get to his boyfriends lifeless body. Why did this happen?

Now twenty years have come and gone

"Yeah, well fuck you! You shouldn't still be mourning him! And even if you weren't you still can't pretend I am him!" Anxietys distorted voice rang throughout the room. Thomas flinched. It's been twenty fucking years and they still didnt know anxietys name. And he still looked like Virgil which didnt help shit. He looked up to notice that Anxiety had disappeared. He sighed sitting back down on the couch, head in his hands. god what happened?

And still he wonders what he did so wrong

The next week he stayed in his room, refusing to do anything. Yeah it was twenty years ago but seeing anxiety made it yesterday. He soon created a sick little world in his head, where Virgil never died. And they just broke up. But Thomas knew there was hope of getting Virgil to get back together.

And how that he can win back *his* heart

Anxiety was now scared to be anxiety. Patton always trying to be happy, but failing from time to time, but still always vowing to protect him from such awkward encounters with their host. Anxiety would walk down to get a snack and Thomas would have a date set up for the both of them. Always calling him 'Virgil' and ignoring him saying that he wasnt this 'Virgil' he kept speaking of. And even though he failed, Thomas would always try again. He just had to win Virgils heart back. Ignoring Logan who was trying to get him to stop this behavior.

And finally step outside of the dark

Thomas sniffed the Roses he had bought which was purple, contrary to Anxietys black clothing. Satisfied with the purchase he left, waving goodbye to the owner of the shop, who had remembered his name and a few things about him, since he was in there every day.

He buys fresh roses every day

He offered the flowers to Anxiety once again, who awkwardly pushed them away and teleported out of the situation. He felt horrible, only being known for the past him, and not- ... well, him! Who even said he liked roses.

His favorite flower- so he used to say

It was the middle of the night, and Thomas was sobbing into the covers. The only time he wasn't stuck in his fake world since he was on medication which often made him forget his fake world for the night. He was sobbing, going through various memories of Virgil wearing roses in his hair. He reached over to take another swig of liquor, the all too familiar taste calming him a bit. And anxiety had to watch, since he never slept.

And now the memories are all that he has left

His drinking got more prominent, and even Remus was worried, usually his sticking thoughts and jokes would be there no matter what, but he was drained and focused on his host, not knowing what to do, but watch as this got sickening, even for him. Anxiety was on the same page as Remus, just at a lower volume. But he was the one who had to watch it 24/7 and he couldnt bare to look at his host like this.

I'm afraid he'll drink himself to death

While Thomas kinda creeped him out, Anxiety still felt bad for him, and it was still his job to protect his host. He decided to tell Logan about the rising intake of alcohol each night, slowly turning into spiked coffee, and other things. He really needed to stop...

This is the story of a man

Patton set Anxiety down, preparing himself. "Hey kiddo... I know you know that Virgil, our previous anxiety and friend, has passed... away. But I don't think, we ever told you how.... And for you to fully understand why Thomas is the way he is now, you need to hear the story, and I'm forced to tell it as Roman and Logan have been losing their minds, you know because of Thomas pretending that Virgil is still alive..." tears gathered in his eyes as he continued, telling the story as best he could.

Who took for granted everything he had

Anxiety felt bad for his past self and everyone else... he completely understood what Virgil was going through. But hearing it from his father figure made it twice as hard to pretend to be unphased by the information. This is one sad and frustrating story...

And how he let it all slip away

Anxiety didn't know how to feel for his host, anger? Or pity? He really tried to understand what had happened, but the relationship between Virgil and his host was really confusing, how could it not be? Especially towards the end...

Never to return again

Tears were now forming in Anxietys eyes as it became harder to understand Patton who was sobbing. He had lost his 'son' after all... And Anxiety felt like he lost a brother.

It's clear he moved on long ago

Thomas spiraled even further as he realized that his efforts to get Virgil back with him were futile. And he hated it. He hated it so much. He took another sip of his spiked coffee. Hoping to calm his nerves however he could. But always no matter what, when his meds arent making him somewhat sober minded, he always goes back to believing that he could somehow still win Virgils heart...

But still he clings on to the distant hope

He never slept now, even before he got atleast two hours of sleep. But that didnt happen anymore.. Thomas just stared at the ceiling as flashes of them together played through his mind. They looked so happy... Virgil looked happy...

That he'll come back and make a happy home

Everyone was spiraling as Thomas did, but it took more time for some of them. And Anxiety couldn't help because that would hurt his host even more. Anxiety decided to stop watching his host at night. Staring at the ceiling. He felt utterly useless, and he hated it. He sighed sitting up, the TV turned off, so it was playing footage of what Thomas was doing, and unsurprisingly he was still drinking and crying softly...

And now its him and the bottle all alone

As he spiraled he seemed to remember that his world was fake. And this made him unpredictable, and the others were spiraling with him, anxiety was spiraling the slowest. Which forced him to be the one always watching him. Sometimes he would look over at the TV to check on him and see him under a cherry blossom tree that had a swing hang on it. It was there he seemed the most sane. And numb, which kinda made it terrifying.

Sometimes you'll see him in the yard

You could tell by just looking at him sitting in the swing he was broken. Tears falling slowly, smiling to himself while he mumbles things to himself, something about how beautiful the imagination was. Clutching what seemed to be a purple hoodie.

A wounded man with a desperate heart

It seemed to be all he ever was, anxiety sighed sadly watching as Thomas pulled weeds from purple roses in the imagination. It seemed to be more of a calming thing, but it was still sad to watch.

He kept his Roses (hedges) trimmed nice and neat

Janus was watching Thomas with anxiety one day. Sadly noting that Thomas had replaced the area around the cherry blossom tree to replicate the way it looked when they first got together.

To keep them the way that they used to be

Thomas sat there in the swing admiring his work.

This is the story of a man

He sighed swinging back and forth a bit.

Who took for granted everything he had

After that day he seemed to be getting better, going to see a doctor about his spiraling.

And he let it all just slip away

Thomas was in fact getting better. He had stopped drink as much as he did, but it was a work in progress, and he even got a bit more comfortable around anxiety.

Never to return again

Thomas hung up the purple hoodie on his bathroom door. Just... admiring it sadly.

A single dress hangs on it's own

He would often would often smell the hoodie, it still smelled like him...

A scent of perfume all he has to hold

He remembers fading to his final sleep that night, clinging to the hoodie...

A wasted life waiting on a dream

As he closed his eyes one final time he saw him and Virgil sitting on the swing. Having fun and talking, just enjoying the others presence.

Hoping for things the way they used to be

He was happy, finally. Gone from the world he knew as pain. And he smiled.

This is the story of a man, who took for granted everything he had. And how he let it all just slip away, never to return again...

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Not really proofread so sorry for any mistakes!!!

But uh yeah hope you enjoyed!!

#sander sides #virgil sanders #Anxiety sanders #sandersides #c!thomas #song fic #sadness #Youtube

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 66)

"Freak Outs on a Sunday"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3

@lovemythsworld

@crystalbaby12

@southsidequeenie

✳NOTE✳ I changed the tone of the argument in Chapter 63 over the picture. It carries into this one.

✳ALSO✳ The end of this chapter is in the comments bc Tumblr is acting like an ASSHOLE.

"Mooom-Mom!! You know where my board is!?" Luna shouts from her bedroom in Patti's home.

She's looking for her skateboard. She wants to take it on tour with her. Plus, Casie's shown a real interest and Luna wants to harbor it. She looks under her bed, in her closet, behind her door and in the spare room where a bunch of her shit is. She can't find it.

"What the fuuuuckk..." She says to herself, irritated.

Still looking, her mind is also spiraling out from the last few days.

"I can't find fucking ANYTHING.... UGH... My stuff is everrywhere.... I just want my stuff.... I can't fucking deal with this shit..... WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK!!" Luna starts to cry as she runs her hands through her hair in frustration.

She screams "MOM-MOOOOOOM!!!!!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In the kitchen with Patti, Casie and Joni, Colson hears Luna.

"Uhm, I think Luna's calling you, Pat." Colson says.

Patti looks up from the puzzle she's putting together with Casie amd her bestfriend. It's of one of Luna's favorite photographs by her grandfather. Patti having it custom made. Puzzles are a hobby she loves and shares with her granddaughter.

It's over 4K peices. Patti's been working on it for 6mnths. Luna helping along the way.

"Is she?" She asks before going back to the puzzle.

"This one's REALLY hard. There's no colors." Casie complains.

"Oh! That's the best part! You really to focus on finding the matching partners." Patti tells the little girl in a poetic way.

"MOM-MOOOOOOOM!!!!!"

Colson stands up immediately hearing Luna. Patti looks at Casie and Colson, waving off their concern.

"I've got her." She tells them as she stands up from the table.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Luna's ripping through her closet again when Patti enters her bedroom.

"LUNA! What the hell are you doing!?" Patti asks, shutting the door.

As Luna comes out of her closet and Patti sees her face she softens.

"LunaBuug... What's going on, Honey?" She asks her granddaughter concerned.

Luna's shaking with tears streaming down her face. She running her hands through her hair again as she speaks frantically to her grandmother.

"My fucking stuff, Mom-mom. You know how I feel about my stuff. I can't find my fucking skateboard because my shit's everywhere. All through here. In the fucking shortage locker. At Ashley. Colson's. Shit, Mom-mom, I even have stuff in fucking CLEVELAND!"

Luna throws her hands up in frustration. Stopping and just looking at her grandmother. Tears still dropping. Patti takes her hand. Leading her to the bed, she sits down with her and sparks a joint. Smoking it with her granddaughter, Patti asks Luna What's Really Going On?

Luna sighs, taking the joint from her grandmom. Rubbing her forehead, she thinks of how to explain her current life as they pass the joint back and forth. Patti simply listening as the flood gates open.

"I just... I just feel like I'm really exposed and all over the place right now. Everything's changing so fast. I feel like everyone is up my ass. Radio stations are calling my phone for surprise interviews... I'm all over The fucking Internet because I'm in some weird song fight with a girl I don't even know.... The fucking Paps have been on me since I hit town..... And I don't need anyone looking at me.... And MY STUUUUUFFFFF. I can't find my stuff because I don't have a fucking home Mom-Mom." She's crying again.

Luna's curled up on the bed, head laid in Patti's lap. Patti strokes Luna's hair, she takes a moment before responding to her granddaughter.

"You always have a home here LunaBug." She begins to comfort her.

"I know Mom-Mom, but it's not the same. I think I'm gonna buy something in The City. I'm waiting to talk to Monica." Luna hits the joint again before passing it to her grandmom.

"Well, there you go. You're on the right track. You're like a bird Luna, you can go anywhere but you need a nest to fly back to.... But tell me about this, what did you say? Song fight? What is that?" She looks down at her granddaughter's face in her lap.

Luna sighs and rolls her eyes. She tries to explain how this one girl doesn't like her. That she's not sure if it's because Colson or herself at this point.

Letting her in on the sneak Breakfast Club interview. How Luna tried to play it cool even with the Instagram post and Snaps. But the song BeBe put out had finally been enough.

She tells her grandmother that she retaliated with her own song. Dropping it in a more public manner then ever before. Ripping open the tiny slit Bad Things and Nightmare had made into her private life.

Patti immediately wants to hear both songs. Luna plays them back to back. BeBe's first. Patti's shocked at the content..

"That poor, little girl. She comes off very desperate and jealous." Patti says, having the same sad reaction for Bleta as Luna did initially. "You're quite the bitch too there, Loons." She chuckles at her granddaughter's mean response to the girl. "That's a different sound for you. If you didn't tell me, I don't know if I would've known that was something of yours.

For some reason this irritates Luna.

"Really? See, fucking changes...." She says, shaking her head.

They burn through the joint. Sitting up, Luna sparks another one before she lays back on the bed. Patti lays on her side next to her. They continue to talk and get high together.

"Good or Bad changes?" She asks her.

"I don't know. Good and bad. Colson's good. Casie's good. But honestly, it's a little weird. I love her but you know kids freak me out. She's a whole, tiny person. Watching, wanting me to teach her stuff. It's pretty intimidating."

Luna looks over as her grandmother laughs at her. She passes her the joint before continuing.

"I like being on The West Coast and close to Ash... I just... I don't like to be looked at Mom-Mom, you know this. And I feel like a LOT of people are looking at me who don't need to know about the stuff I do. Like, they're everywhere. They caught me coming out of a bar and I didn't even know! What would I have done if they'd have been around the night I helped Marissa? I'd have been fucked."

Patti knows Luna's right. She tells her she doesn't know how to advise her, never having to deal with photographers in this despicable way in her day. IF you can even call them photographers. Turning to her, she asks her granddaughter bluntly if she's seeing her therapist.

"No." Luna says sheepishly.

"Why not?" Patti wants to know.

"Comes I'm not ho...."

"That's no excuse, Luna. You could be doing phone sessions."

"I never know where I'm gonna be at what time." Luna tries to protest.

"Not an excuse. You need to speak to Kylie. You're right, a lot of things have changed and they're going to keep changing. You need to get ahead of it. Fame is at your door, Luna. You're gonna need Kylie to help you navigate it. I want you start weekly phone sessions with her again. Carve out 45mins and take care of yourself. You know what happens when you don't." Patti tries to guide the young woman.

Luna sighs. She knows her grandmother's right. Rolling towards her, she hugs her mom-mom. She really doesn't feel any better though.

Hugging Luna back and looking over her shoulder, Patti spies the skateboard. It's leaning against the armoire, hidden by a tossed tapestry.

"Look." She says, pointing as Luna rolls over. "There it is. Sometimes we need to slow down and take a moment to find things. Isn't that how you met Colson? You took your time and found what was right for you, yeah? Patti says.

Rolling over, a weird relief washes over Luna when she sees her board. Patti's words sitting in her mind but with everything moving so fast all the time, she doesn't know how to slow anything down.

"It's just a lot Mom-Mom.... And I don't know how to stop it." Luna admits.

"I know, Kiddo." Patti strokes Luna hair again.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Concerned about Luna. Colson tells Casie he'll be right back. She still trying to figure out the puzzle with Joni.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Colson knocks on the door before he heads in.

"You okay?" He asks with a worried look on his face.

Patti and Luna are still laying across the bed together. Both of them sitting up, Patti pats Luna on the knee before kissing her forehead.

"I'm gonna give you guys a minute. I love you, Kiddo. Call Kylie." She says.

Patti pats Colson on the shoulder as she passes him before walking out of the room. She heads back to the kitchen with Casie and Joni. She's worried about Luna.

"Who's Kylie?" Colson asks sitting on the bed next to Luna.

"My therapist." She tells him in a monotone voice.

"So, everything's not okay?" He asks taking her hand.

"No. It's not. I know you feel some type of way about that picture with Tommy but I did too. For different reasons." She sighs, lacing her fingers inside Colson's.

Luna goes on to explain how she's worried about people digging too deep into her life. Especially with the Dark Web and ICE. She goes on to say that there's other things she still needs to take care of too that can't be exposed. Shaking her head No, she tells him she'll explain that another time when he asks what she's referring to. Luna then tells Colson she's thinking about buying another place in NY.

"Why?" He asks, immediately concerned for their relationship.

"Because I need a place for my stuff. It's everywhere." She answers.

"Put it at my place." Colson replies.

"I have stuff at you place, but I need the space. I have furniture and shit. I can't move another house into your house." She tells him.

"So, are you staying in NY then?" He asks confused with his eyebrows furrowed.

"What the fuck is happening... Is she breaking up with me???" Colson's heart pounds as his mind panics.

"No. We're just always in The City though... And it's my home. My grandma's here. My friends are here. It's like you having places in LA and Clevland. It'll be big enough for all of us to stay in. And Ash can even use it too." It makes perfect sense to Luna.

Understanding what Luna's saying now, Colson nods his head. Letting go of her hand to rub the small of her back, he apologizes for only being focused on the Tommy part and not the bigger picture. He tells that they'll figure out this Paparazzi thing together. He knows Luna doesn't like to be controlled and to her this is a form of control.

"It'll be okay." Colson tries to reassure.

Luna sighs looking at him. She's not so sure.

"Come on." He says, pulling her off the bed. "We're gonna be late for brunch."

------------------------------------------------

Everyone is standing outside waiting for a table for brunch at Santina. Colson, Slim and Rook are talking about the tour.

"I'm telling you, if we do it right, it'll be epic." Rook debates on the stage prop he has an idea for.

"How are we gonna move, Dawg?" Slim asks him.

Colson looks over to Slim. He doesn't think it's too bad of an idea. Before he can speak, Benny calls out Yo. Their table is ready.

They're loud at brunch. There's a lot of them. It's Luna and Colson with Casie, her grandmother and Joni. Ashley, Dom, Pete and Kate. Ashleigh, Slim, Rook, Benny and Baze.

They order mimosas with their food.

Laughing and talking about last night. They enjoy their food and company.

Ashleigh asks Casie how her sleep over was. Casie giggles with Patti and Joni as they talk about the dance party they had. How delicious their cookies were and the funny photos Patti had shown off of Luna as a kid.

"Loons?"

Luna turns at the sound of one of her many names. The sun's bright and she can't see who it is.

It's Jason and Olivia. They were just about to leave.

"HEY!!" She exclaims jumping up.

She hugs them both. Asking how they are and about Daisy. They catch her up lightly before she introduces them to the table. Colson standing up to shake Jason's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Man." Colson says.

"Likewise." Jason replies.

They pull over two chairs and sit down with them. Olivia congratulating Ashley and Luna on their perforce last night. They watch SNL every week religiously.

"You were funny as hell too!" Jason agrees complimenting Ashley.

She blushes while thanking them. Ashley's a huge fan of both of them.

Olivia and Jason stick around for the rest of brunch, catching up with Luna. Talking with the rest of the group.

Rook speaks to Patti and Joni about what it was like in NY in the 70s. Baze joining in on the conversation at one end of the table while the other end is ridiculous with jokes between Colson, Pete and Jason.

Finishing up, they pay their bill and hit the pavement. Still laughing they all hug and say Goodbye before going their seperate ways.

Patti hugging Luna extra tight, reminding her to call Kylie.

Olivia and Jason walk down the street headed home. Kate and Pete hop a cab, their going to catch an afternoon movie. Patti and Joni take a seperate cab to Annie's. While Luna, Colson, Casie, Benny, Slim, Rook, Baze and Ashleigh take three other cabs to the the brownstone to grab their luggage before going to the airport. Ashley and Dom are meeting them there after stopping off at their hotel to grab their things also.

-----------------------------------------------

They fly out of LaGuardia.

Ashley, Dom, Rook and Benny heading to LA. They rest of them returning to Cleveland.

Both flights are uneventful. Each group sitting and chattering with each other.

They all land safely at their destinations.

-----------------------------------------------

Back at Colson's, Casie jumps onto him.

"Pleeeeease Dad..." Casie gives him a pouty face.

"Yeah, please Dad." Luna laughs.

It's early in the evening and they wanna go to the skate park. Shaking his head and laughing he agrees.

-----------------------------------------------

Later, after Casie's in bed. Luna and Colson are chilling on his bed together. Opening Netflix on the laptop while she messes around on her phone, he grabs her plump ass cheek. Gripping it tight.

#colson baker #machinegunkelly #mgk imagine #mgk smut #mgk fanfic #mgk x reader #colson baker smut #colson baker x reader #mgk #machine gun kelly x reader #lunatic #longstory #long reads #no filter #not safe for minors #not safe for tumblr #drugs #drinking #imagine #fanfic #fangirl #fandom #fantasy #est #est 19xx #est4life #est19xx #hoteldiablo #celebs #love story

[izzyovercoffee]

Prompt number: 27. "Can you wait for me?”  Fandom: Fallout 4 Rating: PG? Warnings/Tags: mention of violence but nothing explicit or major Summary: Piper feels like she just can’t catch a break, right up until she does. Notes: Deacon’s in here. B)

##. he’s my nondisclosure agreement

Piper was having a bad day. 

Sure, it was normal to have days that are bad, out in the Commonwealth. Normal to venture forth through the gates into the world to hunt down the slightest inkling to her very, very sensitive investigative… uh, senses. Normal to come back empty handed and angry to all hell.

But Piper, she'd had enough of normal. Had her fill of it, even. Had it up to here of the kind of normal that left her at the end of the day twice as mad because anger was a great alternative to crushed, and she didn't want to entertain going through the motions of feeling crushed in open view of anyone and everyone.

The public sure would LOVE to see a crushed loudmouth reporter. LOVE to see her brokenhearted and on the verge of shutting herself away forever.

So she picked anger. Anger was a good motivator. She found it could be freeing, even, especially from the cage of her insecurities, and her loneliness, and her writer's block.

“Piper!” Nat’s voice broke through Piper’s surly mood. 

“Heyy, kiddo…” She dragged out the hey just a little too long for normal, and Nat’s eyes narrowed. Busted. 

Nat hopped off the box she used to accost and bully the people of the market to buy their newspaper and stepped a little closer to Piper.

“Your boyfriend's here,” Nat near-whispered. 

Piper sputtered. “H-what? I don't…who?”

Nat said nothing else, just stared up at her from her judgmental position. “I'm going to get ramen,” she announced, at a louder volume. “Can I have some caps, please?”

Piper blinked down at her sister, thrown by the sudden change in demeanor, and dug out the handful she'd need for a bowl, maybe two.

“Thanks,” Nat said, and then much quieter: “He's been waiting for you,” and gave the door to their home a meaningful glance.

“Did he say what he wanted?”

Nat leveled a very, very unimpressed glare in Piper’s direction, and set off.

So much for spending her bad day alone and in peace.

How was her hair? Her hat? Her trenchcoat? She quickly patted down her coat, her hat, and didn’t bother touching her hair. What she needed, what she really needed, was a bath. 

That was, at least, her excuse. Her prepared I-need-to-go-sorry phrase she’d throw down the second she stepped through the door. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. She’s not nervous for no reason at all, all of a sudden, or anything. He’s not---it’s not. Like that. Or anything.

Did she ever get around to improving her poker face?

“Hey!” He said from his position lounging on her couch, head tilted back with his sunglasses neatly over his eyes. He angled to look at her as she stood just inside of her home. She leaned forward to pull the metal sad-excuse-for-a-door closed. 

“John,” she said and, after a beat, locked the door.

“Piper,” he replied with an easy smile. “You look thrilled to see me here.”

So she couldn’t help wearing her expressions on her sleeve. It was part of her charm, her indelible mystique, her … ah hell, who was she kidding?

“No offense, John, but I’ve had a really long day,” she said as she turned around, and leaned her back against the door. “I was hoping I could spend it, you know, alone.” She didn’t move, just bent her arms and slowly tugged her gloves off, finger by finger to loosen the grip the leather had on her skin and ease off the otherwise impossible to remove protection for her hands. 

He watched her---or she assumed he did, with his chin tilted in her general direction and his sunglasses still blocking his eyes. 

“Sure, sure,” he said. “I get that, but, you know, I got this crazy gut feeling today, almost like I was shot through the head by intuition, and I thought---hell, I better check up on my friend, the crazy reporter with the worst timing.” 

She gripped both gloves in a single palm, and as she looked from the uninvited guest on her couch to the wrinkled, worn leather in her hand, she briefly considered hurling the gloves across the room and shooting them. She didn’t, because they were a very nice pair of gloves and she had no desire to replace them any time soon, but the impulse was there. Instead of following it, she gently placed her gloves atop the filing cabinet directly to her right---left of the door when looking at it, and in between the steps to the door and her couch. 

Next came her newscap, which she pulled off her head in a way that lacked elegance and was mostly all anger, and squeezed the canvas in her bare hands with an unsubtle show of her frustration. 

“Fuck you,” she said and chucked her hat across the room. It slapped the far wall with a faint, soft fwap, and fell to the ground. 

“You were really building up for that one, huh.”

“What the hell do you want, John?”

Both his arms stretched out lazily over the top edge of her couch, his head still tilted back over the back edge and against the wall, his legs extended in a sprawl that suggested he might just fall asleep there. His hands raised at his wrists. 

“Whoa, whoa,” he said, too casually and without any emphasis behind it. “I’m just here to help you today.” 

“Yeah?” Piper asked. “Where were you about two hours ago when I needed the help?”

He shifted in his seat---on her couch. Took a breath, as if buying time, or thinking on the right thing to say. 

“You know what? I’m suddenly not up to feeling like beating around the bush,” he said, softly, as if hit with an unexpected wave of exhaustion. “I covered you dragging Ms. Covena’s body from the Fens Way station. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Piper took the steps down to the ‘ground’ floor of her home, on the level as the couch, the printing press, several filing cabinets and her sleeping bag at the far end of the room. Her heart puttered angrily in her chest, the anger a farce in the face of her overwhelming grief of the moment. 

“She died before I got there,” she said. “If I hadn’t---”

“Hey, Piper, question,” he interjected. “Have you considered, maybe, oh, I don’t know, that she was trying to set you up?” 

Piper liked to think she had some sense not to be exceptionally revealing, but her surprise had her whip her head around to look at him. “What?”

“Listen,” he shifted, again, and sat up a little straighter, brought his hands into his lap, as he looked back at her. “I don’t know what you were meeting with her for, but I do know she had racked up a pretty heavy debt to a nice big group of smiley gunners, and it was just about … oh, last I checked, around the same?” His head nodded side to side in consideration. “About? As the price they put on your head.” 

She frowned. Obviously, she knew better than to just trust what some compulsive liar tells her, but all the pieces she found around Ms. Covena’s body sure built up a stink of set up, and it didn’t help that Gunners rained down some ugly hellfire once they realized she’d sprung the trap. How she managed to drag the woman’s body out of there, and then managed to make a run for it, she didn’t know.

What she did know was that she felt grimy, and now foolish, and that grief dispersed in confusion and the void of frustration left behind. 

“So you’re here to, what?” she asked. “Rub it in?” 

“Have I ever?” he asked, seriously.

She remained quiet. No, he hadn’t. Granted, he didn’t come around often, but … no. he never did.

Another beat of silence stretched between them before he patted the couch beside himself. She hesitated, and shook her head. “Give me a second,” she said, and worked the buttons of her coat. She pulled it off, and crossed the room to hang up the coat on a hook. She still felt a little dusty, but not as bad without the majority of the dirt-catcher she wore off her shoulders. 

And then she collapsed onto the couch beside him with a whump, and leaned up against him. His arm went around her shoulders, as if to secure her in place.

He was warm, and he actually smelled good, which was more than she could say for herself. 

“Why do you always find things out before I do?” she asked.

“I didn’t.” He yawned, and hell---maybe he really was tired, instead of playing at it. “I found out after I saw you drag her out. Overheard it when I was, uh, taking potshots to spook off your tail.” He paused. “I did say you’re welcome, right?” 

“I heard you the first time,” she said, but didn’t thank him. He’d be waiting a nice long time before she got around to it. And, okay, sure, maybe it was a little petty to withhold thanks for a genuine favor, but she wouldn’t put it past him to hold it over her head later. “And I didn’t ask for the help.”

“Oh, here we go again,” he drawled in that weird… accent she couldn’t place, and removed his arm from around her shoulders. “I’m not gonna ask for your permission to help you out every time, Piper.”

She remembered some folks talked about a weird Diamond City guard that talked like he was from out west, from real, actual, caravaners that’d come from way out at the other end of this wasted strip of land---but if that was the case, that raised a whole lot more questions than answers.

“I don’t want your help.”

“Fair.”

That surprised her. She was expecting an argument, even gearing up for it---but then again she also felt the sheer threat of exhaustion waiting for her, so maybe she was just trying to stave off passing out with irritation.

“Fair?” 

“A----nyway,” he dragged out the ‘a’ of anyway as he rose up to his feet in a smooth motion that looked like it took absolutely no effort at all, and Piper once again revised the thought that he may well actually be tired. “I better get a move on. People to go, places to see.” 

Piper stared at him. That wasn’t … Was that… wait, what? 

“That’s it?” she asked. 

“What’s it?” 

As he turned to look at her, she caught the slightest glimpse of bright eyes before the sunglasses hid them again. The stark overhead lighting worked against her there, throwing his face in dark shadow when he did look down at her. 

“Why come here?” She frowned. “Why bother me?” 

“Just making sure our favorite neighborhood reporter’s still kicking,” he said, a soft smile pulling up into a smirk. 

He took a step towards the door, and paused. “Oh, hold on.” Made a show of patting down his pockets, except the getup he wore didn’t have pockets in all the places he touched. “Where did I put it…”

“You know, it’s the funniest thing,” he said, and pulled out a holodisk from one of his actual pockets. The foil on the side looked scraped, beaten, but otherwise it still looked whole and usable. “I just found this lying around, didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t get a chance to read what’s on it, but today feels like one of those rare days, when the stars align and everything makes sense.”

He set it down on the arm of the couch beside him, unlocked the door, and stepped outside. 

Piper watched him go. 

“Shit,” she said. Stared at the holotape. “Don’t tell me…”

She grabbed the thing, hopped off the couch, slotted it into the terminal she kept by the couch, and---

Oh, shit.

Weeks worth of information spilled out across the display. Information that, on a quick read-through, confirmed all her suspicions, backed up her assumptions, supported---

It was everything she’d hoped to get with the meeting that went south quick. And, suddenly, her bad day wasn’t as bad as it could be. 

And she hadn’t thanked him.

“Fuck,” she said. “Now I feel like an asshole.” 

“It’s what you deserve,” said Nat as she came through the door, two bowls of ramen in hand. “Your boyfriend already paid for my ramen. You looked mad, so I got you some.”

Piper wanted to snap, or cry, or somewhere in between. But her little sister? Didn’t deserve that, and she had it on good general experience that John was long, long gone. So she did the next best thing.

“Thanks,” she said, and joined Nat at the table.

She needed to eat, and to sleep. And maybe catch a bath.

The story could wait.

#writing: fictober19 #writing: fallout #writing: mine #a little late bc it's hard to write with a headache rip #idk how I feel about the characterization but whatever! it's complete! i met fictober for today! it's fine! whatever!! #c: Deacon #c: Piper Wright

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [okay so we all know the mood is that he sees whatever she's posted and literally goes there immediately with no thought of who else could also be cos he NEEDS to check that she's alright. The drama of it all] Ava: [but luckily no one is there and she'd be so shocked but also grateful 'cos no one wants to be alone and feeling unwell, esp. not in hospital] James: [when he'd have to say he was her brother so he can take her #awkward] Ava: [lollol finding that more amusing than you would otherwise 'cos concussion breaking your awks] James: [oh she'd be so cute I can't] Ava: [just hugging him so hard] James: [we all need that moment but sadly it cannot last forever because he'd have some driver doing circles endlessly cos there's nowhere to park at hospitals ever] Ava: [seriously, and it's so expensive] James: [when you were so desperate to get in there you didn't think about how long it could have taken like she could've been admitted and that driver is just lowkey out there for the rest of time] Ava: [lmao i wonder how long he'd wait for that bag before getting bored, luckily they'd low-key be ready to get rid 'cos too busy and overcrowded] James: [practically pushing her out the door as soon as they saw someone show up for her so he doesn't even have time to give her a feelsy speech lol] James: [just help her out to the car boy, you've had a lot of practice with drunk girls in heels and it'd be the same vibe] Ava: [just saying thank you over and over] James: [meanwhile he's asking her if she's okay over and over like every step they trying to take here] Ava: ['Oh God, you must think I'm so stupid, I swear, they came out of nowhere'] James: ['We both know you're not stupid, Ava' shout out to that text cleverness 5ever tbh 'I'm just glad you weren't seriously hurt'] Ava: ['How have you been, I've been so worried' shoutout to this concussion giving me shameless freedom lol] James: [when you can only shake your head because 1. you ain't been good 2. you don't wanna tell her any of it and 3. you don't think you deserve her worry/ want her to worry about you] Ava: [sad face] James: [stopping to stroke said face, don't fall over girl, he's got you] Ava: ['James-' and then just looking 'cos what can you say] James: [looking back at her cos likewise but then you gotta drop them eyes cos so sad] Ava: ['you look tired' and making more of an actual effort to get into this car] James: ['I am tired' but helping her in and doing her seatbelt for her because not gonna see her struggle ever, telling the driver her address because there's nowhere else you can take her but home even though you have no idea if as soon as you get there someone is gonna show up for her and you obviously don't want that] Ava: [patting your shoulder like 'you can come sleep' like no no one can babe] James: ['no' but a little smile cos she's cute af 'I'm supposed to keep you awake'] Ava: [when you make a face like 😏] James: ['by which, of course, I mean, you've got a 8 hour date with Edward Cullen ahead of you'] Ava: [grinning like a fool but then being like, wait 'you'll stay though, can you?'] James: ['I'm not going to leave you alone' oh the heavy unspoken implication that she might not be if the friends or fam descend 💔] Ava: [resting your head on him as a silent thank you but then lifting it like 'so awake, promise'[ James: [stroking her hair and keeping an eye like] Ava: [being like let me tell YOU a story and honestly God knows but it'd be cute and she'd be trying to match his storyteller energy] James: [when that's lowkey the moment he falls in love with her bye] Ava: [asking the driver to play the new moon soundtrack] James: [loling and honestly when was the last time he did that, we all know it was when they were together] Ava: [live the emo life and love it babes] James: [he's GOTTA dance in his seat to keep her awake, no other reason #notanerd lol] Ava: [just clapping and cheering him on like nothing to see here driver God bless] James: [so not what that man was expecting to 👀 or 👂] Ava: [freaking out drivers is low-key a fave] James: [the one time you're happy about London traffic tbh] Ava: [even though we ain't gonna interrupt, you don't know that boy] James: [speaking of, probably send a text or something to check on the kids because you just ran like assumedly they at their grandparents but] Ava: [never leaving 'em with Chlo we all know] James: [lord her and Jay would kill each other] Ava: [I'd genuinely be worried for her safety so don't blame you remotely boy, least her parents are invested] James: [literally though & you can have those grandparents forever babs we ain't taking them away from you] Ava: [awkward that your mum never shows but that's just that on that] James: [lbr that's for the best stick with your dads kiddos] Ava: [we all know it, even if Matty might not end up remembering much] James: [Ava lowkey her mum now oops] Ava: [and Jay's actual auntie...lol what a tangled web we weave boo] James: [at least they can all stay connected] Ava: [true facts] James: [makes my heart happy even if it's weird] Ava: [lean in to how weird this family is James] James: [they weird af but they're better than the one he's got #noshadetoTeddythough] Ava: [all the shade to you Chlo, sort it out] James: [her poor future children & husband] Ava: [honestly, good luck] James: [he'd have to be about everything she is or else what the fuck] James: [anyway we've been sidetracked get to Baze's house you two] Ava: [movie marathon awaits, what else do we vibe or shall we just try and see what comes out, like] James: [let's just run with it and see what happens because we extra and anything could be said and done tbh] James: [imagine how awkward it'd be when they get there because he'd have to send her in first and just be shitting himself in the car like is anyone there or no] Ava: [at least you know full well no one is there 'cos business trips forever so you're just at the door shaking your head and doing the 'come on' gesture] James: [he'd just help her to the sofa like immediately & get her blankets and pillows and painkillers (even though it wouldn't touch a concussion headache) and a phone charger and everything else she could possibly need cos Chloe's got him trained like a dog] Ava: [low-key pulling at him, gently, like boy sit down] James: [when you are then looking at her like what did I forget/ do wrong before you realise] Ava: [squeezing his hand because you can only say thank you so many times, putting the film on but then pausing and gasping so dramatically 'coffee, I promised you coffee' and going to get up like can you be careful please] James: [thinking she's in pain or something because of that gasp so being at her side like 0-1000 and slowing her down cos they can do it together thank you] Ava: [making a face at herself like ffs when she catches on 'I'm not trying to age you' and touching his non-grey hair and wrinkles like totally necessary yep] James: ['but you're offering me coffee, what's next red meat or red wine?' but no actual shade cos we both know he doesn't care and none of that is what's aging him anyway, taking her hand from his face and gently kissing said hand before handholding to lead her to her own kitchen like let's do this] Ava: ['I don't know where my cigarettes are' shrugs and smiles like sorry not sorry, smiles even harder but lowkey stops breathing when, kissing ontop of where he just kissed her hand, then getting to this all-singing all-dancing coffee machine 'you have to pick the most daring option, one you've never, ever tried before, okay?' and waggling her finger like so serious about this] James: [takes his own cigarettes out of his pocket and slides the pack over to her 'okay' and does pick, really concentrating on the decision even though there'd be so much shit he hasn't tried and we all know he could just pick option 1 and be done] Ava: [takes one out and puts it behind her ear for later 'cos no need to light up in your parents home, just watching him 'cos so cute and then nodding like yes, good choice and picks the same, setting up this machine 'cos they're always more confusing and/or time-consuming than they need to be I swear] James: [where's the lie you gotta have the knack I swear, his turn to watch her now though because she's beautiful doing anything ever and he missed her so bad] Ava: [ahh coffee goodtimes forever] James: [he needs it cos he is tired af so thanks Ava you babe] Ava: ['do we talk about what happened, or do we write it off?' when you just saying this casually whilst waiting for your coffees] James: ['I don't know' because he is genuinely torn between wanting to and also not] Ava: ['Wait and see how we feel' 'cos no rush or pressure here 'you better carry these though' 'cos we don't need burns as well ty] James: ['wait here a minute for me' because carries the drinks through and then comes back for her because why not carry her though as well obvs] Ava: [does and loves it 'I've missed you, you know'] James: ['I know now' just giving her 😍 casually 'I've missed you too'] Ava: [😍 right back 'Ask anyone' when you're talking about your mood but you realize that sounds like you been telling the world lol 'I mean, I've been a delight' 🙄] James: [when you shake your head like no it's okay 'I overreacted about your cousin, I'm sorry' takes a deep breath remembering that whole sad ending moment 'And I'm sorry for fucking up the start of your summer' because she loves it and he knows] Ava: ['I understand why, understood, whatever. And I am still sorry, I was just too excited and-' sighs like, you know, squeezing his hand again 'I promise, that's all sorted now though' 'cos clearly told her it's over by now, 'cos thought it was anyway; she nods like thanks but shrugs like it's okay too, don't worry 'Sure even I can't be grumpy in the Seychelles, like'] James: [blatantly almost kissing her because he understands the whole being too highkey thing because he was (*cough* is) too but doesn't because she's going away 'when are you going?'] Ava: [sad face like you didn't just say you aren't gonna be grumpy 'when my parents get back, couple of days'] James: [strokes her face again like he did earlier 'you'll feel better by then' because someone's meant to watch you for 48 hours actually NHS website says] Ava: [😈 me 😇 her looking at him 'how did you even- why- I-' continuously cutting herself off 'cos you know he was checking in on you now and you know he came without hesitating so it doesn't need to be said 'Oh, James'] James: ['Ava' saying her name with SO MUCH feeling that I cannot 'I had to' when you mean so many things by that like you had to go but you have to stay now and you had to make sure she was okay today but also you had to keep checking on her the whole time] Ava: [definitely gonna go in to kiss him can't stop that soz] James: [we all know it was only a matter of time and that this is gonna turn into a not at all casual make out session] Ava: [you honestly deserve it lads] James: [that coffee gonna be cold and they won't even notice] Ava: [the movies are also not being watched lmao but no one cares rn] James: [on pause forever sorry not sorry] James: [but eventually like after AN AGE one of them should lean on the remote or whatever so it starts playing and they're like wtf] Ava: [when you shit yourself like who is here but then loving 'cos hi Edward] James: [we all shitting ourselves and all loling] Ava: ['he's very possessive' no lie] James: [looking at Edward and then kissing her again like when you're trying to make someone jealous] Ava: [when you're loling too hard into his mouth like 'scuse me] James: [kissing her neck instead so she can have her adorable lol] Ava: [reacting to that in a v different way] James: [we back at it again at krispy kreme soz twilight saga] Ava: [i swear to god the ily curse is so real] James: [this always happens to us, don't talk for a bit lads, wink wonk] Ava: [its because we give them such high-pressure situations but yes, you should fully hook up 'cos haven't yet] James: [I wonder if the orgasm headache thing would work for a concussion one or not] Ava: [my boo says #experiment] James: [imma google it but I don't expect an answer] James: [nobody is telling me but if it can help a migraine I don't see why it wouldn't] Ava: [you'll be fine bitch, just a shameless excuse that he needs to hang around longer] James: [we should totally also do the shameless thing when he falls asleep and then wakes up immediately but is like oh no how long was I asleep because not only worried about her we know] Ava: [for sure, just there chilling like 🥰 'not long, but you looked peaceful'] James: ['I was' and more 😍 'I am' just snuggling happily because deserved af] Ava: [kissing the top of his head 'good' then lying down and snuggling harder 'I'm so glad you're here, that you're okay'] James: ['I'm glad that I'm here & that you're okay' kissing her forehead and holding her so tightly because he was so worried that something much worse had happened to her] Ava: ['It was kinda scary how much I missed you- like I said I WAS extra but I think, no, I still am, I can't lie to you'[ James: [when you are just falling so hard for her rn smiling like look at this perfect 😇 'you don't have to miss me any longer, minus however long you're spending in the Seychelles, of course'] Ava: ['Yeah?' trying but failing not to sound so hopeful 'And two weeks, so not as long as it has been, not that I was definitely counting or anything'] James: ['I was afraid, no, I am afraid but very few things have ever scared me as much as when I saw you were in hospital & I thought-'] Ava: [just holding him back even tighter like you could not be closer 'I'm so sorry I scared you, I won't ever do it again, even if I get hit by something more substantial than a 90lbs mum on a lightweight bike' and shaking her head with a lil lol 'cos it is funny even though it can be as bad as a car crash actual sometimes] James: ['You scare me in the best ways, you don't have to stop, I don't want you to' because think of the new things he's already done and the new things he's already felt, it makes me emosh goodbye] Ava: [when that's the hottest thing you've ever heard like 'scuse me round two] James: [you've actually got all night for once so make the most of it lads] Ava: [like literally no one needs it more than him so I'm allowing it, there's enough shit happened, happening and still to come] James: [amen to that] Ava: [happy bubble forever] James: [if only like, he is NOT gonna wanna leave in the morning but maybe we could say that like Jay has a playdate with friends or something cos soz babe you can't keep a secret so he just gets the baby and comes back] Ava: [that would be a moment] James: [just casually meet each other how cute] Ava: [have a normal, happy day like you're meant to oh] James: [you all deserve it truly] Ava: [meet your potential future stepchild babe] James: [do we wanna have them go out or stay in?] Ava: [🤔 obvs really want them to go to Kensington Park 'cos Peter Pan and like obvs I doubt anyone who would be bothered to report to Chloe is gonna be there but it is risky so maybe save it idk] James: [we will bookmark that for the future because MUST but they could take Frank on a walk somewhere cos we ain't referenced that sweet sir even if it's just through the streets like] Ava: [that's a good shout, you better be a good boy lol] James: [and don't cockblock them rn please] James: [they'd look like a little fam, I am FINE] Ava: [and lowkey behave more like one in one day like the bar is so low tah Chlo] James: [the scolding tea] James: how are you feeling? Ava: 😊 So happy Ava: Only a bit tired from the whole staying awake thing and you keeping me awake, like 😏 Ava: oh, and Frank said you've redeemed yourself so well done there too Ava: how're you and the girls? James: I'm happy to hear all of that James: has your dizziness gone? James: we're fine, but tired too Ava: Yeah Ava: barely a headache Ava: and my parents get in early AM so I should be all set to go when they do get here James: how much packing is there left to do? Ava: All of it but deciding which 14 bikinis I wanna take shouldn't take too long James: are you sure? I think it would take me a really long time to decide Ava: I'll put some stories up Ava: You can help me Ava: I reckon I need your clearly more considered opinion James: of course you do James: you wouldn't want to spend the entirety of your holiday wishing you'd chosen differently Ava: so true Ava: especially as I'm not allowed to pack my pout James: everyone is well aware of how important the pursuit of a tan is to you, darling, anything that jeopardises that, well, it's bound to be very pout inducing James: you'll be forgiven Ava: I don't know if my family is as forgiving as you Ava: perhaps they don't like my pout as much Ava: they definitely aren't as supportive in bikini related decision making James: I'll dedicate paragraphs to both James: multiple lengthy ones Ava: It'll seem gratuitous in the movie but nothing is too much for the book James: as long as it remains included in the director's cut James: or else I will be devastated Ava: I'll demand it in my contract Ava: I think it'll be a first in favour of taking your clothes off instead of keeping 'em on James: thank you James: you do deserve a multitude of firsts, honestly Ava: you deserve so much Ava: much more than I'm allowed to give you Ava: that reminds me Ava: as I can't give you anything as a thank you, I've had to get creative James: so much of what I deserve is negative & there is nothing you owe to me in any capacity, thanks included James: but I'd never want to discourage creativity Ava: Shh sh Ava: in the spirit of firsts and trying new things Ava: when you're all less worn out, go to [a sassy but kid-friendly cafe/restaurant that's a bit out there and exotic and definitely nowhere Chloe has ever made you take her] and tell 'em you're eating on me, yeah Ava: then when I get back and you're free, you're coming over and I'm cooking James: Ava Ava: It's already arranged, I go there all the time, it's the 2nd best Brazilian food I've had James: you've been to Brazil for the 1st, haven't you? I can tell Ava: Actually no, mores the pity Ava: but my Uncle is Brazilian and a chef, my cousin too Ava: having a big weird family has unexpected perks Ava: if you like it, I already have a recipe lined up that's meant to be 🔥 but even a novice like me can master it James: you'll have to wait patiently for my review because I regrettably can't send you a picture of my face after the 1st mouthful to serve as one, but okay Ava: I'll do my best Ava: though having any patience when it comes to you doesn't seem to be my strong suit Ava: arguably not a virtue I'm known for, ever, but especially now James: I'll do my best not to miss you so hard that it's physically painful but that doesn't appear to be my strong suit either & as previously agreed, I won't make any promises I'm forced to immediately break Ava: Oh Ava: Knowing it wasn't just me finding out that painful cliche is painfully real is somehow a comfort, to know you'll want to avoid the feeling as much as I do from now on but it also hurts me even more, the idea of you having to feel it at all in the first place Ava: but there is no conflict in just how hard I'm looking forward to seeing you again after this ill-timed holiday James: I don't ever want you to be in pain because of me, I have to insist on only the good cliches going forward James: devastatingly a postcard can't be included in that Ava: Hmm, got any long-lost great aunties I can pretend to be? 🤔😂 James: If I do my wife is bound to be aware of them, their current financial situation & any possible health concerns they are facing Ava: Valid Ava: Don't need to give her any more reason to 💀💀💀 me Ava: At least no holiday is complete without the obligatory narcissistic poolside shoot James: suffice to say I've never had a complete holiday, in that case Ava: I bet you've had to be cameraman plenty though Ava: so rude when you're so nice to look at James: & yet I've never been trusted to pick a filter Ava: 🙄 Ava: does she not know that you're an artiste James: no, it's our secret Ava: 😊 I like that James: I like you Ava: I like that more James: I wish I could see you again before you go Ava: Me too Ava: I kinda wish I weren't going James: how early are your parents getting back exactly? Ava: like 4am kinda early James: I won't make you stay awake again James: I know how tired you must be Ava: 🥺 James: I'm so relieved that I can't see that look on your actual face Ava: It's 💔 Ava: but I'll survive Ava: about James: you're a very strong person Ava: You James: I'm not Ava: You are though Ava: you put up with so much shit James: is that strength or is it weakness? Ava: I think it's strength Ava: You can't necessarily stop shit happening or get shit out of your life Ava: no matter how strong Ava: and you manage to do all the shit you have to regardless James: I'd like to think you're right Ava: Then you should Ava: I encourage it Ava: 🤓 me James: you are undeniably clever Ava: Try to be Ava: when I'm not standing in the middle of cycle paths, obviously James: I heard you say that bike came out of nowhere Ava: Yeah Ava: I miss you already Ava: Frank is not as good a nurse, like at all James: if you can fall asleep now, I'd feel less guilty about the prospect of asking you not to later James: should I hypothetically be able to get away Ava: 🛌🏃 Ava: Promise James: I can't give you a promise back Ava: I know Ava: but this way, I either stay asleep and that's that Ava: or I get the best surprise to wake me up James: what did I do to deserve you? Ava: This is the part where I say something very bad but Ava: you don't seem capable Ava: you're just James: whatever it was, I need to know so I can keep doing it Ava: just be you Ava: another cliche you've proven to be true and real James: this fortnight without you is going to be really cliche James: there's no chance of it existing beyond the 1st draft Ava: not even for my eyes only? James: well James: maybe Ava: Please please please James: okay James: you are my fairest critic & you do have beautiful eyes Ava: Yours are better Ava: but I won't be too jealous if I get to look at them more James: I definitely can't promise not to be envious of everyone in the Seychelles who will get to look at you more than I can Ava: Do you ever get a decent lunchbreak? Ava: we could facetime James: I'll figure something out James: because my dad takes the longest lunch breaks, you'd be forgiven for thinking it's the 80s Ava: 😏 we love a throwback 🙄 James: I'll take Matty to work with me, she'll distract whoever I need her to Ava: She is very cute Ava: I see it James: I won't be saying anything the like of that if she won't sleep tonight though Ava: 🤞 for you and her Ava: shame she's not yet at the walking stage Ava: Frank is so 💤 James: I can't keep her in any kind of routine, it's frustrating for both of us Ava: That's hard James: it's harder for her than it is for me, she never knows what's happening Ava: She'll get there Ava: I was the worst baby Ava: hopefully before you totally lose your mind, 'course James: I find it impossible to believe you weren't 😇 Ava: I was pretty premmie so my poor parents were confined to perpetual bright light for ages when I got home James: both the girls were so late James: that was an entirely different struggle Ava: I can imagine how delightful Ava: usually excusable but when you set the bar low to begin with 😬 James: the last thing I want to do is badmouth her to you, but as we know, sometimes things write themselves Ava: I feel you Ava: not a cliche I particularly wanna be either James: of course not Ava: but you can vent, you know Ava: I don't even have to reply, just if you need to put it somewhere James: no, I can't Ava: okay, just a suggestion James: so much of this is already not fair to you, Ava Ava: I don't think it is Ava: you've never lied about any of it, you're always realistic about what you can and can't give me Ava: and I'd like to help, in any tiny way I'm able James: you don't know what she's like & I'd rather you didn't have to know James: let's keep it at you don't do sympathy Ava: I know very little but that's not positive so it doesn't take your author level of imagination if I wanna go there without your guidance Ava: and it isn't sympathy but okay Ava: I won't mention her and you don't have to either James: I just can't have you seeing me differently because Ava: I'd never see you differently because of what she's like as a person James: it's too big of a risk for me to take, that you'll end up thinking less of me than you do now Ava: You can trust me Ava: but you don't have to Ava: I won't push anything, I don't need to Ava: as much as I want to take things fast in so many respects, I'm never going to take it where you don't want it James: it isn't you I don't trust James: I'm not a reliable narrator, she's made sure I'm not Ava: However...intertwined and diluted you feel your story got, because of her, because of whatever Ava: it's always gonna be your story to tell, if you want it Ava: and I'll always listen to how you tell it James: Ava Ava: James James: if it was a story I was in control of I'd come to the airport & tell you not to go James: cliche or not Ava: and I'd stay Ava: but that's far too much like a happy ending and we've only just begun James: you're right again Ava: don't sound so surprised 😉 James: I was actually trying to decide where it falls on the scale of ideas & habits, good, bad or somewhere in between James: that you always seem to be Ava: Have you drawn a conclusion yet? James: I couldn't possibly tell you James: you're supposed to be asleep Ava: damn Ava: you'll tell me in the morning? James: yes Ava: Okay, I'll go, as long as you know it is so reluctantly it's practically under protest James: & I won't stay here hoping you don't, as long as you know it's under identical conditions Ava: Noted Ava: Goodnight and sweet dreams for whenever that happens for you then, love James: thank you

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Alright Humans and Humanoids, it's time for another rant. Today's topic: a suddenly judgmental 'friend'

Ok, so, there is a woman who I've been friends with for about 5 yrs who we will call... L. She was around when my health started the initial Big Spiral that caused me to have to go on disability. She took me to the e.r. & to procedures. She was helpful & supportive. She helped me come to terms with needing mobility devices & encouraged me to go into pain management, knowing full well that I was at the point where I had tried everything short of the dreaded opioid medication. She knew I was scared of the judgement that can come with it. This last year or so though she has become less supportive, more self centered. Example: she had a baby a year ago. When she went back to work, it was one day a week & really only needed 2 hrs of childcare that day before her husband (who is amazingly sweet & still super supportive) got off work. So I volunteered. 2 hrs once a week was doable. Then she started her practicum hours for school. Suddenly she needed 5 hrs for 2 days and the 2 hrs the other day. She knew that me feeling as useless as I do, I would say yes, even though it was far too much. After 2 months, her husband made her find daycare because when he picked up the kiddo every day, he could see how badly it was killing me. After that, she stopped talking to me unless she needed someone to bitch about her life to. Fine. We all go through periods like that. It will get better, I thought (stupidly). Since then, I've only seen her when her husband invites me over for game night. Ok. Fine.

Which brings us to today. I went over for the baby's first birthday. I pretty much just hang with her husband & his friend because they are chill and because there were WAY WAY more people there than I was lead to believe there would be, so there's a ton of noise. I'm chatting with those guys about something I discovered regarding my medication (which I've been on, at the same dose, for nearly 2 yrs) that makes it work better in emergency situations (like if the pain is super overwhelming, can't move kind of bad). I purposely was not going to tell her, but she walked outside at just the wrong time. She immediately becomes super condescending & judgmental in tone, lecturing me about opioid addiction & basically treating me like a junkie. Here are some relevant facts about this little talk:

#1. I have been on this dose for nearly 2 yrs. I never take more than I'm prescribed, often less, actually, so that I am able to address emergency situations.

#2. In emergency situations, this is my last resort. I take OTC meds, use heat or ice, stretch, ect FIRST.

#3. My pain tolerance is NUTS. If I'm not tearing up when I move/put weight on that body part, it's fine and I just need heat/ice and rest.

#4. This woman is an ex heroin addict who up until she learned she was pregnant was doing molly on the regular and getting falling down drunk a minimum of twice a week.

#5. Remember me mentioning her practicum hours? Yeah, she is getting her masters and licensing to become an addiction counselor.

#6. She know goddamn well that even being prescribed these meds was a last resort for me, so anything other than my scaled down maintenance dose is absolutely a last resort.

SO WHAT THE FUCK. She made me feel small, ashamed, and absolutely like shit about doing what I need to fucking do to survive. Yes, I am in constant excruciating pain, but the emergency pain we are talking about? That shit makes me want to kill myself just so it will stop.

My dad (whom I live with) sees how bad it gets. I can see it physically hurt him to be helpless to do anything about it. In those moments, he looks so small and old. I told him what I was doing and his response was "Are you still able to measure the dose accurately?" When I confirmed that I can, he said "Does it work?" Again, confirmed. "DUDE THAT'S AWESOME! That's like a total game changer for you!" (Now you know where I get part of my speech patterns from since I type the way I speak.) Like, if my dad (and my other 4 friends, who basically reacted the same way) are just overjoyed I found a way to manage the pain better, then she should be, too.

But she isn't. I don't know that I can maintain that friendship anymore. She is literally NEVER happy for me or encouraging about anything. Example: I finally found a decor scheme that I want to pursue for my spaces. (I'll post about that next because I'm PUMPED AS HELL.) I sent her pictures I'm using for inspiration with a lot of words conveying my extreme excitement and she responded with "I dunno. That's really eclectic & a lot of colors. It looks, like, cluttered and nothing matches. Don't do too much of it. I'm sure you'll change your mind soon." I was like:

but instead of 'meep' I definitely said bitch. I can't imagine being that consistently negative about EVERYTHING that isn't what you like/want/believe. That must take so much energy. I really don't need that kind of person in my realm right now. I've got dragons to befriend or vanquish (those dragons will be my friends or they will be cut down) and stuff to paint.

Really sad thing is today she was lamenting that she only has 3 'real friends' left since having the baby. I don't understand how she can lack that much self awareness. I'll still be nice when she reaches out, because I'm friends with her husband, but I'm not pouring more energy into that relationship. It isn't worth it & is incredibly one sided. Just because I put a lot of time into it doesn't mean I should continue to do so. Not at such a steep price.

*DISCLAIMER FOR ANYONE CONCERNED:

just so we are clear on this, I'm not doing anything dumb like shooting up my meds. Just fyi. I'm not entirely comfortable (after today's experience) with disclosing what I'm doing. To be frank, I don't tell many people what I'm even on in the first place. It's nobody's biz. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#ehlers danlos syndrome #chronic illness #chronic pain #people suck sometimes #maybe they are defective