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robinismywifee · 11 months

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in my room || pt. 2

pairings madly inlove!ellie williams x madly inlove!reader

summary based of the song, in my room by insane clown

warnings murder of someone in the jackson community, angst, romantic kissing, bloody

a/n i hope this gets more attention & notes cuz this is flopping so hard rn 😭

wordcount 3.1k

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

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aime and ellie have been best friends for 4 years now, ellie has grown to love the girl, and she realized only a year after they started being friends, that she would do anything for her.

"what, you're like, actually going to that?" aime laughed, confused as the aburn haired girl mentioned the dance that the community had 4 times a year, one for every season.

"yeah, why not?" ellie smiled, looking to the cealing, she was layed on aimes bed, her back to the matress, aime was in the same position but moved to her back facing the cealing with her elbows holding her up? looking down at the girl.

"uh, because you hate those? did you promise jesse or dina or something?" the girl asked, "what? no, i just-" ellie sighed, looking anywhere but the girl.

aime felt something off, ellie was hiding something.

aime crawled over ontop of ellie, so she straddled her hips, ellie instinctively grabbed onto aimes hips.

aime leaned in close to the girl, eyebrows scrunched, "what arent you telling me, els?" aime asked softly

ellie blushed softly at the nickname, even though aime had been calling her that for years, it still got to her, but she lied to herself, ignoring the feeling she would get when she got called that by her, ignoring the way she felt once aime had pressed her ass against her body and got close to her like that.

ellie stayed quietly, head tilted and looking at the wall behind aime. if anyone had walked in, they would immediately pull the door closed and chant out 'sorrys' from the position. aime always found herself getting close and touchy with ellie, but ellie would never retaliate, infact, she would only give into it, getting touchy back. but ellie never thought twice about it, she assumed that was just the way aime was, considering aime had been touchy like that throughout their whole friendship, but if ellie really did think about it, she would realize that aime only did it to her, never getting as near to dina or jesse like they way she would throw herself ontop of ellie.

ellie thought that their friendship was completely platonic, and considering this was her first real friendship besides riley, she didnt have much to go off of, that best friends were supposed to be like this, supposed to always flirt with eachother, jokingly of course. ellie thought that that one time aime came knocking at her door practically begging for her to kiss her was a normal thing too.

a knock came to ellies door. she dropped her pen, closing the journal to finish the drawing of her bestfriend later. ellie opened the door to a worried looking girl.

"hey, what happened? are you okay?" ellie asked with a sadden voice, bringing aime into her garage-house, closing the door behind her, and wrapping her arms around aime to comfort her.

aime hugged back for a moment before pulling away, with her hands gripping on the fabric of ellies shoulders

"you've had your first kiss" aime stated-

ellie had told aime about riley, she felt comfortable to tell her, since aime had talked about a friend who was a girl she had years ago, when her mom was sick the girl had helped her, and aime said she had the biggest crush on her for the week she stayed with her, before her mom got better and killed off the little girl.. anyways, the point is, ellie knew aime wouldnt judge her for being into girls, and it felt good to be able to talk about it to someone.

"yeah?" ellie asked confused, "well i havent, and sally asked me to hangout like- as a date!" aime exclaimed

aime didnt give 2 fucks about sally. she was already completely in love with ellie, but she didnt want ellie to catch on to her liking her, so she decided on flirting with the girls in the community she thought could be gay until sally had flirted back and asked her out.

ellie felt her heart drop at the mention of another girl. "oh" was all ellie could say. she didnt know why she felt so- jittery, she felt like she could punch something

"yeah, so, i dont wanna seem like a total idiot and kiss her wrong"

"you're gonna kiss her?" ellie asked, aime could see her fighting a frown, "well- i do like her, and shes really pretty, and- i dont know! i just need to know for if she kisses me, i dont know how to kiss back" aime shrugged

"oh.. goodluck then" ellie said in a no emotion filled voice, she wasnt catching onto what aime was saying, aime could feel her heart explode at how cute she was with how jealous and clueless she was

aimes grip tighten, pulling ellie back as ellie tried to walk away, ellie looked down at the girl confused

over the year and a half of the girls being friends, aime stayed her height, while ellie kept on gettibg taller, so now instead of aime looking down at ellie, it was reversed, but even more of a height difference then before

"els, you dont understand what im asking"

another thing, the nickname els, aime had randomly called her that about a month into their friendship, ellie got flushed and asked for aime to not call her it, but aime kept on calling her it, and ellie said that only she could call her it.

"cause you didnt ask anything aimees" ellie said still confused

"teach me how to kiss"

ellies face heated up

"wha- i- aime, i dont know how to kiss either, it was one quick kiss and- i barley remember it, i just did it, so- just do it, you'll he fine" ellie panicked at the thought of kissing aime

"please els, i dont wanna make a fool of myself, and if you barley remember then it'll be practice for you too, so when you.." aime gritted her teeth at the thought, "when you get a new girlfriend, she'll be super impressed" aime pleaded

ellie stared down at the girl, "just practice" ellie mumbled, mainly to herself, trying to shove the romantic and sexual thoughts out of her brian

ellie held onto the girls face, staring at her lips, before pulling herself in

ellies lips moved so smoothy against aimes, their lips fit like a puzzle peice, aime moved her lips back, and as she wasn't lying, it was her first kiss, everything cane natural.

aimes grip on ellies shoulders moved to ellies face, as ellies grip on aimes face moved to her waist, pushing aime closer to her, the sudden movement cause a muffled whine to fall from aimes lips, causing them to pull away

they looked at eachother, both panting, lips slippery, and faces red.

"i think i need more practice"

they kissed and kissed, all the way till aime shot up away from ellie, its almost 8 ellie, “i gotta go see sally, thank you, you're the best, best friend i could ever ask for" aime smiled, leaving the house, leaving ellie a wet, heart-racing mess. she spent her night pleasing herself, pretending it was the other girl, until she fell asleep from how tired she was.

ellie gulped, nervous to how aime was to react.

"cats making go with her.."

as ellie watched the girl for her emotion through her face, but couldnt tell anything as her face stayed neutral, she continued, "like.. as a date"

"what?" aime said, she sounded so cold, it sent a shiver down ellies spine

"you fucking like her? and you didnt even tell me?" aime asked, clearly pissed off, she hopped off of ellie, moving to sit normally, her legs off the bed and her elbows on her knees, hands covering her face, ellie leaned up on her elbows, still on her back

"i just- i didnt know how you would react-"

“so you just lied to me?”

“i never lied! i just never told you” ellie defended, she started to get scared with how aime was acting

ellie got up, feeling awkward, “i should go..”

ellies thoughts raced through her as she tried to think of how to get aime to not be mad anymore. ellie just wished she never brought up cat and denied it, but ellie felt excited when someone asked her out, she got excited knowing someone liked her like that, but deep down she didnt even like cat romantically, her heart already chose the person she was in love with. and it wasnt cat.

aimes thoughts raced through how she would get ellie to stop liking cat. she also thought about how much she hated cat and could just strangle her with her bare hands- actually.. know that aime thought about it, killing cat, would make ellie stop liking her, maybe ellie would get sad, but aime would be there to comfort ellie which would just make ellie subconsciously fall more inlove.

but before ellie left, aime realized she had lached out, and ellie seemed slightly put off from it, and aime couldnt let ellie leave like that. “no, els, im sorry for snapping, that was really rude of me, i dont own you-” yes she does- “and if cat makes you happy then i think you should go for it” aime smiled softly

“really?” ellie looked up, not believing her, “yes els, i want you to have fun, go on, you should get ready, doesnt it start in like 30 minutes?”

“right, yeah” ellie began to leave, but stopped at the doorframe, “youre serious?” ellie asked, “yes, of course els” aime smiled, “and you dont wanna come with?” ellie asked, “no, im tired, im probably gonna go sleep in a minute” aime reassured, “okay, ill come here after and sleepover” ellie smiled softly, aime smiled back, but smile dropped as soon as ellie left her sight

aime grabbed her journal, opening the notebook and began to write out all the different ways she could kill cat.

about an hour into the dance, ellie was having a great night, she wished aime was with her, but she enjoyed cat’s company, cat was touchy, in the same way aime was touchy, but ellie wanted to push cat away anytime she got too close, they were out in public, anyone could see if they looked her way, with aime, everyone just assumed they were close friends, (execpt for jesse and dina, they caught on almost immediately but never said anything, only sharing knowing glances at eachother), but cat and ellie just started being friends so it was different.

ellie was having a good time platonically with cat. her heart didnt ache the way it did with aime.

aime waited about 20 minutes before the party ended, she got up, grabbing her pocket knife she had since she was born, it was her mothers, even had her mothers name carved into it, and left her house through a window so her doors remained locked.

she snuck behind the cabin the party was held at, peaking through the window

aimes eyes found ellies immediately, and watched her dance with cat until the party was over.

she watched as ellie and cat left, hand in hand, they had left a bit earlier then it ended.

aime snuck behind them, super far behind them leaving the two girls just barley in her sight.

she followed them back until cat reached her house, they had said their goodbyes, cat even gave ellie a kiss on the cheek. it made aime grip her knife harder.

ellie left to go to her house as cat entered hers.

cat lived with her aunt millie, but millie was still at the party. aime had to make it quick

aime snuck into cats backyard, watching through the window as cat sat on her bed, taking off her shoes with a content smile on her face.

aime walked around to the living room window, she tried to open it but it was locked, so she made her way to the kicthen window, it was too high up.

she found herself climbing into millie’s bedroom, she left the window open so she could quickly leave after

aime creaked open the door to cats bedroom quietly, cat was already asleep- or rather trying to fall asleep, but her eyes were closed and she faced the wall, so it worked.

aime slid into cats room, locking the door behind her, she walked closer to the foot of the bed, when she got to the bed, the floor beneath her feet made a creaking noise.

cat lifted her head up, squinting her eyes when she recognized a figure in the shadows, she assumed she was just seeing things, so she reached over to her lamp, but before she could turn it on, a sharp pain came to her hand, she screached, and looked down to the blood on her hand, only able to see from the windows and the moonlight.

aime brought her hand to cats mouth, getting ontop of the cat on the bed to hold her down.

“shut the fuck up” aime whispered, she could hear cat say aimes name in a confused tone into her hand muffled

“you chose this ending, shes mine” aime said stern, before lifting her hands from holding down cat, gripping both hands on her knife, ignoring the pleads like her mother taught her, bringing her knife down at a harsh pace, cat screamed, loudly, millie could have been home by know, so she ripped the knife out and stabbed her faster, more aggressively, until she heard millies voice call for cat-

aime looked down at cat, she was far gone, aime had gotten carried away, her body was limp, blood dripping out of her mouth and her eyes still. aime jumped off cat, rushing to unlock the window of cats room, millie was right outside the door, trying to open cats door but with it being locked, it bought aime some time.

aime jumped out the window, not even bothering to close it, she ran faster the she knew she could, until she got to the side of her own house, climbing through her window, slamming the window shut and locking it, panting, facing the window and not her room, she didnt even realize that ellie had been waiting for aime right behind her.

“aime? is that blood? what happened? are you okay? thats not your blood right? i mean- where were you-” ellies eyes were filled with worry, her heart in her throught, as she gripped aimes shoulders looking into her eyes pleading for answers

aime stood there with wide eyes, mouth slightly open. this wasnt how it was supposed to go. and aime.. she.. “i left my knife” aime muttered out

“what? please aime, explain what happened” ellie was panicking like crazy

“ellie.. im so sorry” aime started to cry, ellie knew this was serious, aime never called her by her full name. “what, what are you sorry for?” ellie asked, holding aimes face in her palms. aime stayed quiet, she thought she had messed up everything.

“i wont judge you, i- i’ll love you forever, no matter what, you know that right? to the moon and back, just- aimees, i cant help you if i dont even know what happened” ellie whispered the last part,

“i killed her ellie, and millie knows” aime said, her voice below a whisper, barley audible to hear.

aime didnt have to say her name, ellie could tell by her last three words who she killed. ellie felt her heart drop from her throat to the ground. she stared at aime with her mouth opened in shock.

ellie knew ellie had problems, knew she was fucked up, knew she was a jealous person. but, she killed her new girlfriend. and instead of feeling disgusted and horrified like she should have felt, she fell more in love.. aime wanted her to herself, and she would do anything to have it that way.

“just kill me already els” aime whispered with her head to the ground, “what? no- no aime, why the fuck would i kill you? why would i ever do that? i told you, i’ll love you forever, no matter what you do or what happens, you- you said you left your knife?” ellie asked, trying to get her out of the mess she got herself in, aime nodded slightly, “the one that has your moms name on it?” ellie asked, aime nodded, “fuck..” ellie whisperd, hands still on aimes face, trying to think of what to do

“i need to go there, i need to kill millie” ellie said, turning around to grab her jacket, “what? no! els you cant go there! theyre gonns think you helped me! and im sure millies already telling maria by know- fuck, okay, if you really do love me, youll follow my instructions, right?” aime asked looking up to the paniced girl, she nodded her head immediately

“okay, just, im gonna pack real quick, and leave throughout the way we always sneak out, and you’re gonna sit here, and wait for them to come, and when they come, you’re gonna tell them that you’re waiting for me to come home, you dont know where i am, that we were gonna have a sleepover, i wasnt here when i showed- just tell them what you knew before i showed up, about the doors locked, window opened, they already know its me, i cant get out of this as not guilty, okay? i- i have to leave, ill come back and visit next- next friday at midnight okay? ill come through the same way- and everythings gonna be okay- okay?” aime ranted, packing her stuff, filling it with her gun, ammo, her kicthen knife, holster, extra clothes, journal, water, canned food, that stuff

“aime, i cant- i cant be without you” ellie cried- she never cried

aime walked to ellie, grabbing her face looking up to her, “do this for me els, i love you.. so, so much, to the moon and back” aime whispered, going on her tippy toes, pressing a loving and sweet, passionate kiss to ellie. aime and ellies tears mixed together on eachothers cheeks. blood got onto ellies face and aime pulled away, wipping the blood off, checking the ground and making sure she didnt get blood on it, once she saw it cleared, she grabbed her bag and went to leave out the window, ellie stopped her by grabbing her shoulder, she had her leather jacket in her hand, reaching it out for aime to grab

aime smiled sadly, grabbing it, “i love you aime” ellie whispered, “i love you els”

aime jumped through the window, and ran, praying everything went right.

#the last of us #ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams tlou2 #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x oc #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x reader smut

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kitgundy · 2 months

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DYSPHORIA

Mom, do you know how much of a nightmare it is?

Looking down at my body and feeling like something’s wrong

Looking back and examining and reexamining my past thoughts, my past beliefs

Realizing I’m a boy and no matter how much I try to deny it I always have been

I’m a boy. I’m a boy, <DEADNAME> isn’t a boy name. I’m not a FUCKING SHE. I AM NOT A SHE AND MY NAME ISNT <DEADNAME> PLEASE GOD JUST STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THOSE THINGS YOU TELL ME TO STOP TELLING YOU TO STOP, YOU TELL ME IT HURTS YOU WHEN I TELL YOU TO STOP, YOU SAY ITS BECAUSE OF MY TONE WHEN I TELL YOU BUT IT HAS BEEN FUCKI YEARS AND YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED DO YOU KNOW HOW MCH THAT HURTS ME?

I can’t even explain how tiring it is that you look at me and you don’t see me for who I am. You see a girl who doesn’t know herself. You see a stupid little girl who is following a trend. IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW I DONT FUCKING FOLLOW TRENDS MOM!!!! It isn’t a fucking phase! I thought I was just non-binary and I told you back then. And I wish I hadn’t, because I was still confused about what I was and I went about it aggressively and that isn’t how you tell people how you really feel because then they’ll never believe you.

You will never believe me when I tell you who I am. I don’t know if I hate you for it or if I can just ignore it so I can still love you. It’s both. I have to ignore the way you see me so I can love you in a way that works. I hate when you talk about me to other people because I know the words you will speak, I know the name you will use, and I try to brace myself but it still hurts more every fucking time.

God, I wish I was just born a boy. I wish I was born and raised like a boy. I wish I had a dick. I wish I had a deep voice. I wish I had facial hair, I want to look at myself in the mirror, I want to look in the mirror and not see a stranger looking back at me.

I don’t know what to do. Whenever I try to explain what I want to be (a gender non conforming guy but also just some guy), you butt in and say “why not be a gender non conforming girl?”

BECAUSE I TRIED THAT AND IT DIDNT WORK. I LOVE MYSELF AND I LOVE MY BODY BUT I AM ALSO IN THE WRONG BODY AND THERES MEDICAL WAYS TO FIX THAT BUT IF I TRY TO DO THAT UNDER YOUR ROOF I AM TWRRIFIED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME. And GOD I am terrified of doing the medical treatments too, because I am one bad politician away from my entire life being ruined when I do go on those. There’s already a lot of states I cannot safely go to or live in. I can’t fucking visit my grandmother in Florida because I am TERRIFIED of how I would be treated there. I am TERRIFIED of the politics there.

And yeah, sure, maybe I wouldn’t visit that grandmother anyway, sue me. I know there’s gotta be somewhere you got your beliefs from and I’m willing to bet it’s not just the church, but also her. God I hope it’s her and not just you absorbing the church’s ideals like a sponge, because I KNOW you’re smarter than that. And I KNOW childhood beliefs can be challenged and changed, but there’s a sinking feeling in my heart that it isn’t just childhood beliefs. There’s a sinking feeling that that church is part of why you’re not a safe space for me.

And I am so scared, because I know when I move out, I am going to double down. I’m a man. I’m a boy. I always have been. I always will be. I don’t know how to explain it, you try to explain why you’re a woman without saying it’s because of your body. Tell me why your spirit is a woman without saying “I don’t know”. What exactly is your connection with womanhood?

I’ll tell you my connection with manhood. When I was a little kid, I didn’t think about this stuff. But I thought it would be REALLY cool to do things in a boy way. I tried and failed multiple times to stand up to pee, just to prove I could. I didn’t even really care about the stereotypes, I just thought it’d be cool to be a boy.

I remember years later, I was sitting in front of the old TV, staring at the screen after starting a new save on Pokémon Ruby. I was wondering if I should pick the boy option. Part of me REALLY wanted to pick the boy option.

But I was scared. Why was I scared? Had my mind already been poisoned with subconscious hatred, even at such a young age? I don’t know. I just know when I heard someone nearby, I picked the girl option- out of FEAR. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t pick the boy option. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.

I didn’t think about these things back then, didn’t realize being a boy was an option- in fact, I thought it was dangerous. I considered myself boyish, sure. I wasn’t a tomboy, but tomboy fit what I thought I was, I thought I was a girl who felt weirdly.. boy.

My breasts started to grow. I had been excited for them at first, but when they actually grew, I hated them. I didn’t know why. I just wanted to hide them. I wanted them gone. I was excited, so why was I feeling like this?

Why did I hate the way my body was changing?

Must just be normal puberty, right? Everyone hates their bodies changing like this. And besides, the breasts came with periods, and periods suck. So maybe I was just hating puberty as a whole.

The feeling didn’t go away. It just got worse and worse and worse.

I grew up. And then I found out what trans means. And then I did research. And then I picked a fight with you, telling you I’m non-binary.

Because that’s what I thought I was. I had never had time to really think about it, after all. I wasn’t a girl, but I couldn’t be a boy, right? “Boys are gross and ugly and annoying and I don’t want to be that so I can’t be a boy. Besides, trans is too strong of a word for what I feel,” that’s what I thought.

And time went on. And I matured. And I realized that, yes, I am a boy. A girlish boy, maybe, a genderfuck boy who wants to wear dresses AND suits, but he will NEVER be recognized as a boy when he does wear a dress because his body doesn’t match his soul.

The more I grow, the more I realize:

My body wasn’t meant for me and I wasn’t meant for this body.

My voice in my head is lower than how it comes out. My face itches for lack of facial hair, my whole body itches for lack of hair. Long hair feels suffocating, blinding. I can’t even bear to look at my chest anymore, can barely bear to touch it.

And it HURTS every time I look in the mirror, every time I speak.

But not NEARLY as much as it hurts to hear that name.

I chose the name Kris because it was convenient. <DEADNAME> and Kris both start with a K. They’re both four letters. And, unlike <DEADNAME>, NOBODY is going to say the name Kris wrong, and nobody is gonna SEE the name Kris and assume it’s a girl’s name.

I chose the name Kris, and my pronouns fluctuated, but my name stayed the same. For TWO YEARS it stayed the same.

And yet you still keep calling me <DEADNAME>. You keep calling me a DAUGHTER. You keep calling me a SHE.

It HURTS.

And honestly? I wish you just wouldn’t call for me at all at this point.

I love you. But I can only handle you in small amounts, and only when we’re alone, because when you talk about me, you use words that drive straight into my soul.

I am not a FUCKING girl.

Girls are awesome. They’re great. Girls are beautiful, and wonderful, and I love girls.

It’s just.. I’m not one. I never was.

And I don’t know how you can’t see that.

Don’t you remember? The times when I was a kid, when I would try to stand up to pee? Don’t you know how much I wished to be a brother too? I made being the only daughter my personality, but that’s because I didn’t know I could be anything else.

Didn’t you see how much I tried to reject femininity?

One day, I said I hate the color pink. I said I hate it with a passion, I spat vicious vitriol at such a pretty color.

I was wearing a pink jacket.

Years later, I look back and I see a confused, hurting.. I’m not sure what I was.

Honestly.. I don’t think I was a boy then. I mean, I was ALWAYS a boy deep down, but at the time, I didn’t KNOW that, and I was trying REALLY HARD to just be a girl but not like other girls(?), so I’m not really sure what I was then.

I just know I wasn’t a girl. And some part of me deep down knew that, and was VICIOUSLY attacking everything feminine I did and liked in an attempt to distance myself from it all.

I hate that you can’t recognize that.

I love you, and I love the name <DEADNAME>, it’s such a nice name, really. I love women, they’re so wonderful and deserving of all the best (deserving of much better than society gives them, really).

But I’m not <DEADNAME>. I’m not your daughter, I’m not a she.

I will probably burst into tears if you ever call me your son. And I am TERRIFIED. Because I KNOW you will take that the wrong way, use it as yet another reason I’m just confused.

I’m not. I think YOURE confused.

You tell me statistics aren’t good to use but good GOD, the statistics I use are REAL. They’re from STUDIES. If you can’t use real FUCKING numbers, what the hell else are you supposed to do?

I don’t know what to do. It hurts more to talk to you every day because it’s getting worse and worse the longer I spend in a body that doesn’t fit with a voice that doesn’t match, and YOU aren’t helping.

I’m so, so tired of being seen as something I’m not. I’m so tired of fantasizing and dreaming about being seen for who I am and then being reminded that wouldn’t be safe.

I’m tired of you. I love you, but you make me so, so tired.

So forgive me if I got too snappish when I corrected you. Holding in the corrections is only serving to hurt me, and I don’t feel safe around you anymore.

Honestly, I doubt I ever did.

I don’t remember the last time I had a genuine conversation with you that ended where you understood me. You look at me and you see this wayward child, this lost sheep. You don’t try to understand ME, you only try to make me understand YOU.

Well, guess what? I am an ADULT HUMAN MAN. Your god will NEVER be mine, he has HURT ME. I’m not a sixteen year old trapped in a nineteen year old body, I am NINETEEN and AUTISTIC. I'm not maturing the way you thought I would because school and everything in my life burnt me out and people hurt me, so I didn’t get to emotionally mature when I should have, and I’m picking up the pieces left behind by that trauma now but that doesn’t mean I’m not an adult. I still feel too overwhelmed by the world to live on my own but I am an ENTIRE ADULT and you need to REALIZE that. I know I’m still young and stupid, but that doesn’t make me not an adult. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME AND SEE AN ADULT.

Oh, and on your religion? I’m not a lost sheep, I am a WOLF who will EAT your Shepard.

Because I was a blue sheep.

I was a blue sheep who was painted pink, and the flock said “Our Shepard loves you no matter what color you are!”

But when I showed my colors, the flock turned away. Averted their eyes and avoided me.

And you did too.

And that shepard never said a word to me, never even noticed when I was left behind.

The meaner ones in the flock even called me a wolf. So you know what I did? I grew fangs.

You know what? Part of me wants to bite you- that is to say, to keep correcting you. You take that as a bite? Fine. I will fucking bite, until you bleed enough that you decide enough is enough.

You can choose whether you distance yourself from me or actually start referring to me by my name, by my pronouns. You can respect me or you can leave.

I don’t care.

I hate you. I love you, but I hate you so much.

I don’t even hate you, actually. I’m just hurt. I’m so hurt and angry and I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

I didn’t choose to be a blue sheep. I didn’t choose to get turned into a wolf. The flock thought of me as one and that’s what I became.

I never asked for this.

I never asked for you to adopt me. I never asked to be put with someone who can’t understand.

Why don’t you understand?

WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!?

WHY DON’T I UNDERSTAND!!!???

I DO UNDERSTAND!!! You don’t know how to understand. Because you only look at one side.

The church’s side.

Your God’s side.

I want to kill your god.

So many of my problems would be solved if he never existed. So many of my problems wouldn’t exist if Joseph Smith didn’t exist.

Maybe I wouldn’t be alive today.

Or maybe fate has a way, and our family would have been together somehow anyway, and maybe you’d care for me the way you do for my brothers. Maybe you’d stop seeing me as your daughter.

If I was born a boy, maybe I’d be your weird gay GNC son.

Please call me your son.

PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON.

I LOVE YOU PLEASE, I BEG YOU ON MY FUCKING HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON IM YOUR SON I AM YOUR FUCKING SON PLEASE CALL ME YOUR

#tw dysphoria #unsupportive family #unsupportive mother #vent post #tw vent #personal vent #vent writing #trans vent #transmasc #gender dysphoria #please ignore this lmao I was feeling some sort of way

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bridgyrose · 9 months

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Hear me out, Ruby is a clone, but not a "grown in a lab" clone. More a "let's force the child Summer has to be stillborn and then use a prototype aura transfer machine to ensure that her child has silver eyes" clone. That's why she looks pretty much exactly like Summer despite being Tai's child too. (this is a writing prompt, btw, not a discourse thing)

(You have given me something painful fun to work with)

Ozpin smiled as he watched Ruby rush around the targets he had set up, his eyes staying glued to her as he watched her swing Summer’s axe. It was almost like watching Summer as the girl rushed around in a flurry of petals, slicing each target cleanly in half. He checked off a few things on his scroll, proud of the achievement.

“Dont you think we’ve taken things a bit too far,” Glynda asked as she watched Ruby fold up her axe. “If Summer knew-”

“We had to make sure we had a backup in case Summer died. And now that she’s missing, we can start using Ruby to defeat Salem.”

“And that is exactly my point.”

Ozpin sighed and lowered his scroll as she watched Ruby take a breather. Maybe he had gone too far with making sure Summer’s child was stillborn and used Atlas tech to try to revive it, making it into a clone of Summer, but it was all for the greater good. “If we didnt do this-”

“If we didnt do this, this girl could’ve been raised with her family!” Glynda said angrily. “Instead, you’ve raised her in secret to be a weapon to the grimm.”

“I needed to make sure the silver eye bloodline would continue and this was the only way.” Ozpin pressed a button on the console overlooking the training room and spoke softly into the microphone. “Ruby, you did wonderful today. You may go back to your room and rest. I’ll bring your dinner to you in a few minutes.”

Glynda shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Her family needs to know about this. You took their daughter and turned her into a weapon.”

“I havent turned her into a weapon,” Ozpin responded as he walked out of the control room. “I’ve kept her safe from Salem.”

“And when are you going to let her be a child? She needs friends.”

Ozpin sighed and walked down the hall quietly as he made his way to get something for Ruby to eat. Of course he allowed Ruby to have friends, however, she tended to keep to herself instead of making her way to those that were closer to her age. And now that she was seventeen, it was time to enroll her into Beacon and allow her to experience the world in a way her training hadnt allowed her before. He quickly grabbed a meal from the cafeteria and made his way to Ruby’s room, gently knocking on the door. “I brought you dinner.”

“You’re late today,” Ruby said as she opened the door. “You’re never late.”

“Professor Goodwitch had a bit more to talk to me about after your training session,” Ozpin replied as he walked in and sat the tray down on a table for her. “You did well. You’re getting better with that axe of yours.”

Ruby nodded and sat down, looking over her food before taking a quick bite. “Its helped that you’ve let me take it apart and modify it. My mom must’ve been strong to use it. I had to change the way it locks so I can bring it back into rifle form mid swing.”

Ozpin smiled as he watched Ruby eat, every facet of her reminding him of Summer. “Speaking of your mother, a new semester for Beacon starts soon. I was hoping that we could enroll you so you could get to know the school she went to and follow in her footsteps more.”

Ruby paused mid bite, silver eyes almost staring into his soul. “Does… that mean I’ll have to meet the other students?”

Ozpin gave her a small nod. “And then you can make friends with others-”

“Then I dont want to.”

“Someone your age should have friends to be yourself around.”

“I’m fine on my own. Besides, arent you the one who keeps telling me that I need to be careful with who I’m around?”

“Well, yes… but-” Ozpin stopped speaking for a moment as he realized what he had told her. “-you are still allowed to get to know others. Especially other huntsmen in training since they’ll be the ones you’ll be interacting with most.”

“Alright,” Ruby answered in a defeated tone. “I’ll attend Beacon.”

“I promise, all of this will make sense to you soon enough, alright?”

“You’ve been telling me that for years.”

“I know, but I promise you’ll be ready for what you’ve been training for.” Ozpin put a gentle hand to Ruby’s cheek and smiled at her. “Alright, my rosepetal?”

Ruby nodded and pulled Ozpin’s hand away from her cheek. “Alright dad. Once I’m finished eating, I can go to the workshop, right? I saw a couple of weapons I liked from the huntsmen that came to visit you and I want to upgrade my axe with another form.”

“And what form did you have in mind?”

“That one huntsman with the red cape, his sword turned into a scythe. Think I can make that work and he can train me to use it?”

Ozpin paused for a moment, recognizing the small description of Qrow that Ruby gave. “I’m not sure he’ll have time to teach you, but I think I can put in a word to him and see if he’ll agree. But eat first. You’ll need all your strength.”

#rwby #ruby rose #rwby ruby rose #glynda goodwitch #ozpin #rwby ozpin #drabbles #a clone of roses au #a clone of roses

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redroseincorporated · 5 months

Text

sectonia taught me something

tw sad i guess lmao

why, whenever i make a tumblr post, is it long as fuck. do i just take that long to cook?

"hol on guys i still got 3 hours left in the Crock-Pot™ "

my mom has one of these!

anyway heres the post:

so, ive gotten back into my kirby phase right 02's theme dragged me back into the hells

(this is slowly turning into a kirby blog. my top post is the rant on zero one)

anyway

kirby's been a big interest of mine ever since i played triple deluxe on my 3ds xl in like 2018 idefk

its kinda apart of my personality tbh. i really like lovecraftian horrors now and ive tried to mimick some of the kirby style in my own stories (best example being my bugs having eyes more similar to halcandra dees than the bug fables or hollow knight)

when i was a kid, i didnt really think much about the story of games i played.

i just went 'ohohoho. oheeeheehee. i kil yu.'

but, once i got my hands on lore youtube, oH MY GOD.

to summarize it, kirby triple deluxe is basically

there is a beanstalk

it takes you to floating islands!

grow the beanstalk to save the fairies who live on the islands from the evil queen!

the evil queen has an evil henchman (OF WHOM I THOUGHT WAS A GIRL. TARANZA. NAME ENDS IN AN A. THATS A FEMININE NAMING SCHEME. ALSO BRUV YOUR HAIR CONFUSED 8 YEAR OLD ME WHO DIDNT KNOW WHAT BISEXUALS WERE) who is doing her evils as well!

fight the evil henchman spider and fight the queen herself!

she fuses with a flower and you take her down with a giant ass laser! (american kirby. now in theatres near you)

that's the plot.

but the lore is kinda dark. duh, this is kirby.

if you've seen my call-out post, you know the basic jist of the lore. if you havent seen it, i'll explain

taranza got his wife, sectonia, a mirror for a gift! since she loved admiring her appearance

that mirror was the amazing mirror, a portal to the mirror dimension!

now i dont know how the fuck this happened but it fucked her up! and turned! her! in! to! a! bee!

she wanted to be as beautiful as human(spider?)ly possible so she turned into a bee ig

taranza assured her she was beautiful, but respected her changes

sectonia grew mad, trying to become as beautiful as possible, and fused with the dreamstalk/flower i mentioned above

and dies

now thats dark!

but here's where it gets interesting

i was in the shower like

sectonia was chill and okay with herself

someone provided her with a way to notice how cool she was

sectonia realized she wanted to be better because wow! someone said i was cool! i want that again!

sectonia then tried everything in her power to become beautiful, to gain that compliment!

and people told her, 'yeah sectonia! you are beautiful! you are drop dead gorgeous!'

sectonia did not believe them!

so she strove to be better!

and eventually the compliments probably didnt mean anything to her! they probably went out one ear and out the other!

and so these compliments didnt have the same effect as they previously did! but sectonia wanted the good compliments! she still wanted to be beautiful!

but the compliments didnt work

and so in a sisyphus like situation, she drove herself mad, dying for what she craved and yet couldnt recieve

and shower me was like

damn!

i kinda realized

i was chill and okay with myself

someone provided me with a way to notice how cool i was

i realized i wanted to be better because wow! someone said i was cool! i want that again!

i then tried everything in my power to become accomplished, to gain that compliment!

and people told me, 'yeah choco! you are accomplished! you can do anything!'

i did not believe them! for some reason! (idk why to this fucking day)

so i strove to be better!

and eventually the compliments didnt mean anything to me! they went out one ear and out the other!

and so these compliments didnt have the same effect as they previously did! but i wanted the good compliments! i still wanted to be accomplished! and recognized! and loved!

but the compliments didnt work

and so in a sisyphus like situation, i drove myself mad.

and im like

damn!

am i going to die waiting for my shower water to heat up? (because its STUCK ON ROOM TEMPERATURE. i needa ask my dad to fix it)

and i going to die waiting for Her war to end?

am i going to die waiting for someone to tell me they love me, and die waiting for me to realize they mean it?

am i going to keep working and working just to gain nothing? am i going to keep people pleasing in hopes someone advocates for me and die trying?

i find myself making my largest mental health break-throughs not from others words, but on my own.

and so an hour ago i stood in the shower realizing im killing myself in what im doing

working for what others see of me and not myself

do i want to go out that way?

🥔

#self love #kirby #sectonia

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breadboylovin · 7 months

Note

28 :3

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

omg this question is JUICY. strap in yall im telling you guys the tale of the insane girl i liked in freshman year of high school whose antics landed me in therapy for like the past 4 years

under the cut cus idk how long this will get. also this is from this ask meme

okay so we met online thru the bts fandom. she lived 2 hours away from me and we had a 2 year age difference (i was 15 she was 17)

the first ?!!?!? thing about her was that she was writing like INSANE bts porn fanfic (and i mean insane like. everything she published had at least one ao3 content warning on it) despite being underage. i learned about this in like april 2018 but i was too head over heels for her to care. in june 2018 we finally met irl and went to a science museum and she told me about some of the insane shit she was writing IN THE FOOD COURT while i was trying to eat a shitty subway sandwich. like wow

anyway summer passes and we have a bunch of relationship drama. im not getting into it too much (ive talked enough about it in therapy LOL) but we didnt date, it was an unrequited love thing where she kinda just exploited me for validation cus she was super depressed. anyway at some point we start talking less but she sends me her tumblr discourse blog. and then in september 2018 i found out she blocked me from it so i checked why and SHE HAD TURNED INTO A FULL-ON TERF while pretending she was still cool with our basically all-trans friend group. so naturally i show everyone else and we kick her out of all our gcs. at some point after that she also detransitions (she was a trans guy before which was why i liked her. cus im gay)

so i dont talk to her at all after that because why would i. technically i sent her an apology for something that id fucked up on but that wasnt like... a normal friend conversation yknow. and i assumed that she had figured out that she fucked my whole shit up and i wanted nothing to do with her. but APPARENTLY NOT because in august 2019 i woke up one day with several messages from her on twitter where she was like "omg this new hurricane made me think of you (we both live in florida and this was when hurricane dorian hit us) ^___^ how have you been?? im doing so good im in [MY SISTER'S COLLEGE] for biology and having a great time"

needless to say i was flabbergasted. im pretty sure i had literally woken up from a nightmare ABOUT HER that day and now i had to deal with shaking with anxiety so bad that i could barely talk to my mom over breakfast. i initially tried to be nice and be like "haha wow i havent heard from you in a long time... ummmm if you see me on your campus while im visiting my sister please dont talk to me". but then i went to therapy that night and left mad as hell so the next day i told her off and was basically like "i want nothing to do with you and if you talk to me again ill throw rocks at you". and that was the last time i talked to her

last i heard about her online she had been run off of insane bts porn twitter for being a terf. then she started writing insane porn about figure skaters and got run off of THAT twitter circle too. i hope she never knows peace again god bless

#kenniffle #ask #please enjoy this storytime. im glad enough time has passed that i find most of this funny #i used to be so so wary when i was visiting my sister bc i wasnt sure what id do if i saw this girl again. but now im normal :-)

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rose022 · 13 days

Note

Okay 150 questions I will just pick random numbers

8 21 32 38 64 77 83 106 108 122 135 148

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

uhm. well my gender doesnt really have an opposite and i dont thibk anyone is particularly on my mind rn other than my friends. uh 2/3 have a tumblr and one hasnt posted like anything since ive been following him so. theyre cool tho i love them

21. What are you bad habits?

i bite my nails and skin a lot i think. i also forget to do stuff a lot. even whrn i really have been meaning to do it. uh theres a lot more but idk rn

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

. ik u chose these randomly but. wow. thats a. sure a question. ... i mean i am an adult so uh. assuming they were ok with it uh. nihachu and uh. miura ayme? idk those are the only two celebrities i can think about. that. with. weird question. uhm. maybe i shouldve just opted out (<- still writing)

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

i really like black hair. not super taller than me that i cant reach. likes me a lot super duper much. understanding when im unwell. good with physical affection. uhm idk

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

oh gods. okay. uhm. wow. so uh. whvsoabdisjdbsbjqbfisbfkabdjendifdh. so it was late october 2020 and we were having a sleepover at my house (yes ik we were being bad abt the lockdown, its been years shush) and uh i forget how it started or like what we were talking about beforehand but we were on my bedoom floor on the mattress i got for her and my mom and sister were asleep already i think cus it was like past midnight and uh. idrk. we were goofing around and nervous and we had some gum first and then idk?? got it over with?? her lips were so soft. and. afterwards she started talking about fish (she loves fish), specifically big mouth billy bass, yknow the one that moves and sings?? look it up. anyway it was great but i dont think she really cares anymore. its ok

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!!

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

i havent seen the second so the first

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

gods i hope not but. fuck. maybe. haaahhh

108. What should you be doing?

sleeping soon i thibk. i will i promise...

122. Is cheating ever okay?

my go to thought for this question is about tests and yes. but for relationships no. just communicate whatever your problem is or break up. its not worth the alternative.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

i dont remember. i barely remember anything ever. sorry </3

148. What’s your favourite quote?

i have a list on discord but. can i judt do the minecraft end poem? "and the universe said i love you because you are love". hey fun fact that's my senior quote

#ask rose!#ty for ask i love answering things yaya #suggestive

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i-give-u--stuff · 24 days

Note

Have you come out to your parents? Do they support you? (I'm scared to come out to mine ngl)

Sorta-💀

I mean my mom knows I’m asexual witch I told her after we had a conversation about SA and what to do if it happens to me (love my mom) and she found out I’m panromantic after I asked out my crush (who was gender fluid) and got stood up on our fist date. she helped me get over them.

BUT I havent told her about my gender identity

Not because i don't think she would accept me it just because she just doesn't understand what exactly it is- (she doesn’t like the use of they/them pronouns bc it is incorrect grammar 💀)

My Dad doesn’t know I’m asexual but he does know I like boys and girls

If I told my Dad he probs wouldn’t give a shit and still love me and support me

I have fully come out to my little sister (she’s 9) And I love her sm bc she doesn’t know what sex is yet so to her I just don’t like kisses (omfg so inocente) and she knows I’m pan bc (long story short) she asked if I liked girls or boys and I said “sure”. I told her I was non-binary and asked if she could call me Bebe or Bee instead of my legal name she was completely fine with it (Ik she’s only 9 so she doesn’t really understand but I still love her support)

The only other person in my family I have some out to is my Trans cousin and he was super supportive about it :3

It’s understandable to be scared to come out but it’s important to so you can be honest with ur fam ;)

(And to yourself)

#nonbinary #trans #pan pride #panromantic #asexual #answered asks #asks open #send asks #ask game #send me asks #ask answered #anon ask #ask me anything #ask away #ask

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panjakes · 10 months

Text

BK SJY CH.6

Parings: dog hybird!jake x black fem!reader

Genre: hybrid au; bestfriends to lovers au; fluff, angst, crack

Ch warnings: Cursing

HYBED HYBIRDS MASTERLIST Previous Next

Yn's Older sister walks into the house with the biggest smile on her face

"What're you smiling for?" Yn asks

"Nothing just seen christian" She says making yn roll her eyes

"Dont you have a boyfriend?" She asks

"Yeah, doesnt mean christian isnt cute" She says

"Whatever Milyn, your like a year older than him" Yn mumbles

"So?!?! Speaking of, where's jake? I havent seen him since I've gotten home" She says making yn roll her eyes

"We're not friends anymore" Yn mumbles making her older sister go wide eye

"WHAT?! Your lying! You two have been attached at the hip since he was a puppy?!" She shouts

"Well now someone else is attached to his hip" Yn says putting her books back into her bookbag

"What do you mean?" She asks

"He has a new girlfriend who's using him and when I told him he went off on me. He basically pick her over me.” Yn explains making her sister smirk

"Is she using him or are you jealous of the new girl in his life?" She asks making yn groan

"That bitch is using him. She's fake. Everything aboout her is fake. Everything from her fake blond hair to her fake personality. Im just looking out for my bestfriend, well Ex- bestfriend" yn says making the older girl smirk

"Yeah whatever, lets go shopping" She says confusing yn

"for what?" She asks

"For your makeover" She says making yn roll her eyes

"I dont need a makeover Milyn" She says waving her sister off

"You do, your beautiful but when's the last time you've had your hair done?" She says making the girl stop in her tracks

The last time she had her hair done was for school and that had to be about a month or two ago.

"I'm gonna get your hair, nails, and toes done. I'll even buy you a few new outfits" She says smiling

"What do you want Milyn?" Yn asks with a whine knowing there had to be a motive behind it

"To make jake regret ever leaving your side" She says smirking

"I like the way you think, lets go" yn says grabbing her keys from the hook and they were off to the mall.

"No jake, I dont want that girl in my house right now" Jakes mom says

"Why?" he asks with a pout

"Because she's annoying" Christian says coming into the room

"She is not!" Jake says

"She is! and she's rude! I heard what she said to my yn Honestly how can you even put up with her?" His mom asks

"Are you saying you dont like my girlfriend?" He asks

"She's your girlfriend?!?! What happened to yn?" the women asks now on another level of upset

"Yn had a boyfriend. That guy was so stupid" Jake mumbles

"And you were jealous of him" Christian says smirking

"No" Jake says making his brother laugh

"Your tail says other wise" He points making jake growl at him

"Your father doesnt like her either, he said he caught her snooping around" His mom says making him frown

"Snooping around?" He asks

"Yeah stupid like sneaking around our house" Christian says

"Dont call me stupid" Jake shouts

"Well you are, fucking idoit" Christian says making jake jump on him

"Hey! Stop all that fighting!" His mom says pulling the two hybrids apart

"He started it" Jake says

"I dont care! That little girl cant come over and thats final" she says making jake pout

"Well How are we going to study?" Jake asks

"Jake you have a 4.0 I doubt you even need to study" His mother says rolling her eyes

"O-okay well we had plans to study today”Jake says

"I dont care, you better go over there" She says confusing jake

"How am I gonna get there? Yn was my ride everywhere" He says making his mother shrug

"Ask you brother"

"I'm not taking you no where" Christian says leaving the room

jake sighs storming off up to his room, flopping onto his bed. He pulls out his phone immediately calling Cassidy

“Hey baby, are you still coming over?” She asks

“No, I don’t have a ride” Jake sighs

“Can’t you catch an Uber?” She asks

“I don’t have the money right now” Jake admits.

Jake had to quit his job because he either couldn’t get there on time or get their at all. His ride to work was Yn and when they stopped talking she obviously stopped taking him to work.

His family had only two cars. His parents shared a car and Christian had his own car but their schedules always clashed so he had to quit.

“Well what about my homework? You have it and it’s due in the morning” Cassidy whines and it honestly annoyed Jake

“I’ll just do it and give it too you before class tomorrow” Jake says

“Your such a sweetheart thank you pup” she says making the golden retriever cringe

“Yeah no problem” Jake mumbles before hanging up

Jake gets startled by his brother coming into his room slamming his door

“What Christian” he asks rolling his eyes

“Get dressed loser, Milyns in town and we’re having dinner across the street” Christian says

“I’m not going” Jake says

“Well dad said you are and you don’t want to make him mad so you better be ready at 7:30” he says leaving the room and leaving the door wide open

Jake groans getting up to slam his door. He sighs dreading seeing Yn again. He honestly missed Yn. He missed being at her house, being in her room, he even missed car rides with her. He just missed her.

He quick freshens up and gets dressed. He kept checking his appearance in the mirror. His dad opens the door stepping into the mirror to check himself too.

He looks his son up and down before nodding

“You look nice” he says patting him on the back

“Thanks dad” he says

“Oh yeah and uh jakey?” The man says coming back

“Yeah?”

He grabs the boy by the collar of his sweater bringing him closer to his ear

“You better apologize to Yn and I’m not playing” he says making Jake wince

“Y-yes dad” he says

“Great, we miss Yn around here” he says leaving the room

After 20 minutes the whole family was ready and out the door. Every step jake took the more his hands started sweat. Soon they reached the familiar house and Jake let out a deep breath hoping it wasn’t Yn who opened the door.

The door opens and it was Milyn, her sister.

“Milyn!!! My gosh your still so beautiful!” Jakes mother says bringing the older girl into a hug

“Thank you Mama Sim” she says returning the hug and allowing the family of four into the house. Jake sighs wiping his hands on his pants. He hadn’t been here in so long.

“Are those my friends?!” Jake hears from the kitchen

Soon Yn’s mother comes out immediately going to hug his mother. It made him smile. The two family’s were so different but yet still so close

“Where’s Yn? I haven’t seen her in a while” jakes dad asks

“Oh she’s in her room playing in her new hair due” Yn’s mother says throwing her hand

“New hair due?” His mom says

“Girl yes, Milyn took her too the mall and got her a makeover” she says

Makeover? What kind of makeover

“Milyn stop flirting with Christian and go get your sister” her mother says stopping the flirting between the two. Milyn stops her conversation with his brother and runs up the stairs

“How’ve you been jakey we miss you around here” Yn’s dad says

“I’ve been good” Jake says nodding

“He found himself a girlfriend and don’t talk to nobody” his dad says

“Girlfriend? I thought Yn-Girlfriend?” Yn’s dad says confused

“We all were confused” Christian whispers

“I got her!!!” Milyn says smiling as she came down the stairs first. Jake’s head turns looking over at Yn as she walked down the stairs.

His ears fell against his head and his jaw hit the floor. Not only was Yn rocking a new hair due but a new color. Her natural hair falling to her shoulders in curls which Jake has never seen. Her hair was always in braids.

Her outfit was different from her usual style but it definitely suited her. He was so use to seeing her in baggy jeans and joggers with a baggy sweater or hoodie.

This makeover was different, but he liked it. He loved it. He loved it on her.

“Oh my! Yn look at you!” Jakes mother says

“Hi Mrs.Sim” Yn says smiling and hugging his mom

“Aw shit girl I like this color on you” Christian says getting nudge by his father about his language. Yn goes around the room hugging everyone but Jake. She gets to him and holds out her hand shocking everyone including him.

Jake slowly raised his hand and shakes hers. They were really on a different level now. He couldn’t even get hug anymore. Is their friendship really over now?

“Uhh let’s eat!” Yn’s dad says

“Yes, please” Milyn says rushing over to the table

Everyone goes over to the dinning room sitting at the table. Milyn pushes Yn out the way taking the seat next to Christian. The only seat that was available was across the jake.

“Milyn you know that’s my seat!” Yn says

“But I wanna sit next to Chris” Milyn whines

“I don’t care, get up” Yn whispers

“Yn have a seat” her mother says making her roll her eyes and walk over to the seat across from Jake. It was obvious tension between the ex besties

Everyone talked and made their plates. Jakes eyes were on Yn the entire time. He knew his best friend was beautiful but the new color and outfit enhanced her beauty

“So Milyn! Your attending inception state? How is it out there?” Jakes dad asks

“Oh it’s wonderful, the campus is so big and my dorm looks like an apartment. My professors are so nice and helpful, I love it there” Milyn says

“That’s great, Christian got accepted there. If he decides to go there maybe you can help him around” Jakes dad says

“Oh yeah no I want to go to inception state” Christian says winking at Milyn causing her to giggle.Jake and Yn both gagged watching their siblings flirt.

Jake looks over at Yn as the both giggle at what they just did but Yn quickly remembers the situation they’re in and quickly stops laughing and glared at jake.

Jakes phones go off and he hurry’s and checks it under the table

My girlfriend:Where are you?

Me:Dinner at Yn’s

My girlfriend: why the fuck are you over there?

My girlfriend: are you still talking to her

My girlfriend: What the hell is wrong with you?

My girlfriend: are you seriously not answering

My girlfriend: did you at least do my homework?

Jake shakes his head putting away his phone. This was going to be a very long dinner tonight.

I think blind kindness might be my favorite out of the series. Chapter 7 will be on @brownsugarbaybee’s blog so stay tuned

#ambw fic #black reader #ambw #black girls are beautiful #black reader insert #kpop poc #kpop #x black reader #x black!reader #kpop imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x y/n #enhypen x black reader #jake sim #enhypen jake x reader #hybrid!enhypen

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bbms-bb · 3 months

Text

DEAR DIARY - JEALOUSY AU - PEPPI'S POV - PART 2/3

Nov 6

me, tess, and nina hung out today. i felt happy, i havent felt that in a while. maybe i dont need mei or jaime. i can just hang out with my art club friends. i still feel that pit in my stomach. they asked me if i was okay. should i tell them?

PROGRESS

weight

oct 15 - 102

now (nov 6) - 92

----<3-----

Nov 9

I HATE EVERYONE. I HATE EVERYTHING.

i gave in and told them what was happening with mei and jaime. i dont wanna be here anymore. whats the point of living if you suffer even at this age?

they better not tell anyone.

----<3-----

Nov 11

okay.. maybe i wasnt so clear the last entry.. i told tessa, nina, and felicity about the situation, our conversation went something like this:

P: and i feel like its my fault.

T: what.. how is this your fault?

N: i knew something was off about that girl.

F: im so sorry.. if it makes you feel better ill beat her up tommorow!-

P: no! i mean- no, just, please dont tell her..

T: why not? she's like and evil witch who's slowly poisoning your life!

N: Jaime too, i get its unintentional but he hasn't even bothered to at the least talk to peppi, even less wonder how its affecting her!

P: i dont want to do anything about it because their still just friends, but even if they were more than that, it would feel wrong because i care about mei and jaime!

T: caring about jaime is reasonable, but why do you still care about mei?, youve known her for less that 3 months and you trust her already?

the rest of the conversation was alright when i changed the subject

once they left i was wondering why is still care about mei. i had bigger things to worry about. do i?

----<3-----

(TW FOR S3XV4L H4RR4SM3N7)

Nov 18

okay so i shouldve put this down at the start but i couldnt write it down without crying.

this sounds pathetic but i dont think i trust my diary even though its an INANIMATE OBJECT.

god what is wrong with me.

ive never told anyone about this, only my mom knows.

it happened when i was in my mom's hometown in mexico for the summer, i went to go run some errands or my mom, since it was a small and safe town (or so i thought) it was common to see little kids walking around alone, i was ten at the time, so i guess i was one of those kids, i was headed to the grocery store when i was pulled into an alley by a middle aged man, i tried to scream but her covered my mouth. he started running his hands through my body, he was unbvttoning my jeans when my mom's friend, doña petra, who had a store infront of the alley ran in and knocked him out with a broom, then called the cops, she walked me home and told my mom what happened. i never walked out alone in mexico again.

thats it.

----<3-----

Nov 22

i just realized what a mess im becoming. i havent taken the time to get ready, and i would, i just never have the motivation to. everyones been asking me if i was okay, even jaime, he was the last person id expect to ask if i was okay! whats wrong with meeee..

----<3-----

Nov 26

im so tired of everything, im almost failing most of my classes.

----<3-----

tessa and mei got into an argument about me after tess sent a text to mei instead of me.

it went like this:

t: i still cant forgive mei for what she did, you still want jaime right? ive got a plan to destroy mei.

m: who is this?

t: tessa, is this not peppi?

m: THIS IS MEI!

m: penelope is so dead.

----<3-----

nov 27

mei told me this at school.

m: okay listen here you little sh*t, if you dont stay away from jaime im going to make your life hell.

p: i thought you knew i liked jaime.

m: does it look like i care? i never cared about your feelings! you were the only obstacle keeping me away from dating jaime. those nasty rumors about you? that was me! now that he's practically head over heels for me, its gonna be ba breeze getting rid of you! especially now that i have evidence that YOUR the bad guy here! oh, btw im jaime's girlfriend now, just thought i should let you know! byee!!

oh sh*t.

----<3-----

Dec 3

its heather day! since heather is one of me and jaime's favorite songs, we celebrate heather day every year! we exchange sweaters and jokingly talk about people we were jealous about (classmates, celeberties, fictional characters, etc..) while we eat ice cream. i skipped out on the ice cream since i didnt want to gain weight (lost 4 pounds since nov 6 :DD) it was still really fun though! i wanted to talk about how jealous i was of mei, i was jealous of her hair, her clear skin, her flat stomach and hourglass wait, her straight teeth, and that she had jaime, and i didnt. as soon as i thought of mei, jaime started talking about how he had canceled plans with mei to be here, i was preparing myself to hear more about mei until he told me how much he'd missed hanging out with me.

did i hear that right?

----<3-----

i woke up feeling a bit better than i usually do, i checked my phone to see around 25 dms? something big mustve happened, i usually only wake up with around 3 or 4, at the most 5. first i checked the "girlfriends <3" groupchat, which had 4 messages.

T: PEPPI

T: WAKE UP MEI POSTED THE MESSAGE

F: SAY YOUR JOKING RN.

N: WHAT.

one from akilah

A: penelope, why would you do that to mei?!

three from jensen

J: peppi pls tell me mei is just joking.

J: you guys were best friends!

J: peppi?

two from nic

N: why would you do that to mei?!

N: never speak to me again.

one from leticia

L: jaime was so happy with her, why?!

two from jack

J: W move mei had it coming

J: #jaimexpeppiforlife

two from jazmine

J: your a nice person, but what you did to mei was too far!

J: say one more thing to her that isnt sunshine and rainbows and ill make sure you never see the light of day again.

two from olivia

O: mess with her again and your gonna regret it

O: slvt.

and 8 from jaime

J: I HATE YOU.

J: KYS YOU IDIOT

J: i hope you fall in a hole and die

J: i knew you were trying to hurt mei.

J: idek what to say anymore.

J: i wish we never met.

J: dont EVER talk to me or mei again.

J: our friendship is done.

i was already crying when mei sent me a message

M: have fun at school today f**kface <3!

today isnt gonna be pretty.

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saltynsassy31 · 4 months

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Drop your Pokemon thoughts! OC, fave Pokemon, fave region, fave characters! Anything pal

(Pokemon has me on chokehold, every update they will drag me back to the rabbit hole)

Wow calm down buddy, I am still very new to pokemon XD

I think I mentioned, but Decidueye is my fave for no other reason other than he was my first pokemon in Unite and I loved his design, he's my baby

Idk much about regions and stuff like that though, the little I know of it would have to be Alola for fashion alone, I'm more of the type to use loose clothes for warm weather because I'm Brazilian and where I grew up in is a fucking desert lmao so it reminds me a little of home

For characters...sorry I don't have any :( again, I'm new still

I wasn't allowed to indulge in pokemon, I've only watched a handful of episodes that would, by chance, air during the time I stayed at my grandma on Saturdays where I had no restrictions on the TV

I dont remember anyone's name besides Ash's lol, so even if I did have a fave, I wouldn't be able to tell the names. Tho I think I did like that one girl, I think she was a princess? Sorta? She has a Dino looking pokemon too and had big, purple hair. I also likes the red haired girl, she was funny.

I do have other fave pokemons tho, Snivy was the first pokemon I became obsessed with, when I saw their design I was in LOVE. I remember googling up images of them to trace or try to redraw, and I drew it so many times so that when I went to school I could draw it by memory. One of the boys, who was sorta ostracised cuz of his disability, saw me drawing in the corner of the classroom during recess. I tried to keep this interest hidden cuz my mom didn't allow it and would get mad in me indulging on it, so I panicked when he asked what I was drawing and I tried to hide it, but he was really cool about it and was also really kind, with how aggressive he could be, I never connected with someone more than I did then. He told me fun facts and started to explain things I never once understood but listened to it anyone cuz I loved the pokemon.

Another one was from this other boy, I started to be more open about my interest of pokemon but still hid it from my mom, idk how we started talking but eventually said boy gave me one of his pokemon cards. It was jiggly Puff. He said that since girls usually liked cute, pink stuff, that I would like this one (and he was absolutely right cuz altho I was treated as a tomboy during that time, I love pink, cute stuff and the girliest of girls stuff, hell, I still tend to go for pokemon by apperance XD).

I cherished it so much until my mom found it, she told me to give it back to the boy and I begrudgingly did so but he insisted I kept it cuz "if I liked it, I should keep it, just hide it from your mom"

She found it again but this time I tried to convince her to keep it bu saying one of its ability is to sing you to sleep, after that, whenever we stayed up late, she'd tell us she'd pull out the "pink ball" to make us go to bed XD

During our haste to move countries, a lot of my stuff got thrown into a shed and I havent found that card since :( I'm a little sad I didn't take it with me now in hindsight, but yeah, I hope I'll find it again one day but there is little chances of that happening considering the mess I was greeted to when I went back to collect some stuff after years

My friend did find the exact card I had tho, it was this one

As for OCs...well, I only have my persona who I already made a post about here and...that's about it so far XD

Also! Please do not be shy go info dump bout pokemon! I'd love to have more people to talk about pokemon! I wanna do more stuff, find people to roleplay with ocs, etc. Etc. Pokenon has been eating my brain away and i only got a handful (barely that) of people I can turn to vkskskak

#salty rants #salty answers #pokemon #PLS DONT STOP WITH THE ASK BOX #i like #love it being spammed #ask box

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qumiiiquinnquin · 10 months

Text

its almost going to be 10 years since i was sa’ed. and im still trying to find a justification for it and trying to figure out who really was to blame.

did i ask for it? i remember being a bit daring because i thought he was bluffing. but it happened. and i remember a lot of it vividly. some of it feels like the blurriness of a dream.

im still trying to understand. but im only understanding nothing. he insulted every other girl in that cul-de-sac. he insulted my sibling and called them ugly. he made dirty jokes a lot. but he called me beautiful. and on the day , he made a bet with me. if i performed the act he requested , he would give me candy or money. i dont remember which it was. during the incident , he still called me beautiful , and called me baby.

sa is a criminal act. you can go to jail for it. but he was 12 or 13. i do not know if a kid so young who did it to a 10 year old girl would have gotten in trouble. i had no proof myself to present to anyone. and i laughed off a friend at the time who told me i need to talk to someone.

ive said his name , but it may have come off as like a name of endearment. especially regarding my comments of how i cant exactly let him go , even though i have an indescribable hatred of him. his name was angel. i hate that i still remember that , even after all these years.

the incident has only left me thinking for the past year or so to just give my body up for others pleasures. i think that's all im worth. ive been gr00med as well , by adults online. and i will not be surprised when i get four letter r worded one day. im expecting it.

i cant let myself fall in love because im afraid to encounter someone like him again. i want to be loved , not used.

it feels so paralyzing. each time i think about it my freeze response is triggered. each time i want to say something about it , it feels like i lose my ability to speak or type. the flashbacks have been terrifying. i cant escape it. the memories lead to shaking and feeling very hot and embarrassed , and his touch comes back. there's no possible way to distract myself anymore from the memories and flashbacks. i got up to get cantaloupe not long after thoughts came on tonight to just eat and forget about the incident , but it does not taste like much now. and its not blocking out the taste of the french kiss you forced upon me 8 years ago , as well as biting my tongue. even though he did not...have i word with me nor did he four letter r word me , if i did not escape i know it would have happened. and i beat myself up relentlessly lately for escaping. i tell myself i should have stayed and made him happy. after all , i agreed. though i did not really know what he meant. and i thought it was a joke. until he had taken my hand and led me to the small foresty area of the cul-de-sac , and your friend tagged along. he watched as everything happened. i remember very vividly that you and him were making jokes and laughing at my under clothes , and you stopped and started being sweet with me and calling me affectionate names when you saw i almost burst into tears.

and you got off somewhat free. i havent told too many people at all. the first time i said it aloud to my psychiatrist , my voice shook so bad that you would think i was about to start sobbing. even though i laughed it off like usual. and even though what you did was a crime , there'd be no way for me to report you now. all that happened to my knowledge was that one kid’s mom thought you had done it to her daughter , not me

since it will be the tenth anniversary in two years , i may make a cake with something like “congrats! you survived ten years :)” written on it in frosting. i dont recall the exact day or even month that it happened. or time of year either. so i think ill just celebrate myself in late november of 2026.

i wish i could go back to the 5-year period of my life where i had completely forgotten about what you had done to me, Angel.

#vent #tw child trauma #tw sa #long post #tw r@pe mention #tw grooming mention

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dballzposting · 1 year

Text

- I dont remmeber what was said in the japanese audio but in the english dub, when Goten was on the phone with Palace-chan in GT for the first time that we saw, he said something about how she was the prettiest girl he knew, and then I reemebr him saying verbatim "why havent I told you yet...? Becasue this is the first time since I've known you that you havent had a boyfriend."

- this means that he has known her for at least some time, and they clearly have each others phone number, and we dont know who called whom in this context but we know that they seem fond of just chatting each other up. We dont even know if Goten knew she was available when the phone call started. They could have just been chatting and then the news came out. We don't know anything.

- on their first date we see how naive and sheltered Palace is. She doesnt even know what soft serve ice cream is.

- She is the prettiest girl that Goten knows and we see that she is indeed pretty. Also shes rich

All of these facts lead me to believe that...

- Palace wants to date and has had a lot of boyfriends and shes so rich and pretty that it's not hard for her to get one. However she's so naive I dont think that theres an ounce of self-awareness involved here. She just thinks that people are nice and guys are nice to her becasue they're nice, and becasue shes a lady, but not becasue shes pretty or rich.

- Goten's comment would still hold if she had just had one boyfriend in that time, but walk with me and consider the comedy in the scenario where she has had a string of them.

- We see her on the date with Goten and she doesnt even know what soft serve ice cream is. None of her boyfriends took her out for ice cream. Is this becasue they sucked? Is this becasue shes the one with the money? Perhaps. But I think it's becasue they never had time to becasue..

- Theres No Way that anyone would break up with her. Shes too pretty and rich. This is why I think that shes broken up with every single boyfriend shes had. And it was always for a stupid reason. You think that everything's going good but she goes up to you one day with this sad look on her face. And shes like "I'm sorry. But we have to break up." You ask her why and it's like: the colors of your bikes dont look good together, she misunderstood a comment you had made earlier and she didnt like it, she had found someone cuter, etc etc.

And you try to mollify her and remove the problem ("Palace honey I can paint my bike...!") but she wont budge. Shes inconsollable, she's morose and sad and her hands are clasped and she just keeps shaking her head and saying "I'm sorry. This is what has to happen." and she is genuinely sad about this so you dont understand why it has to happen? But slowly you realize that although shes sad, shes in acceptance. Shes been working through the grief since yesterday night and shes woken up decided today. Shes already accepted that you're broken up now. Theres nothing you can do. Her heart has moved on

- Goten knows this. He knows that shes had a string of boyfriends and that shes broken up with all of them. This does not phase him at all. Hes excited to get in line. This is the FIRST time since hes known her that she hasnt had a boyfriend...! Hes so excited! FINALLY! They chat on the phone occasionally but it's not that in-depth, they see each other occasionally but Palace always has a boyfriend who hogs all the attention, Goten is READY to get in line and get his heart broken! Woo-hoo! Yeah!!!

- They get along really well and they enjoy dating each other and they actuslly domt break up. Maybe they almost did for some stupid reason, or maybe even a legitimate reason, like Palace picked up that Goten's mom really wants him to just settle down and start a family already, and Palace is not ready to move to the mountainside and do that, so this registers as a deal breaker for her .. but she really likes Goten & they seem to understand each other & when she tries to break up with him shes not in acceptance like she was the other times becasue she still really likes him & this is a difficult thing to accept & the tears are still fresh & since she hasnt emotionally moved on, hes able to convince her that it's gonna be fine & they dont need to get married anytime soon & he just likes being with her & dont worry about all that.

Or something. Who knows. She wasnt on screen much and I havent finished GT

#dballz posting

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