#my personal shit

[feanope]

I guess... I am slowly finding my way back into fandom again. I had covid and it took me months to fully recover. I was a glimpse away from burnout after having to take over my boss' responsibility after he quit--on top of my normal job. Now, I quit my job--leaving for another; and since I did, I slowly begin to realize, how bad I fared the past 10 months. Nothing gave me joy, really, and all I wanted to do was sleep, and sleep, and sleep.

#my personal shit #tbd #not tolkien #not fandom

[outerbanksoftargtower]

Yeah so idk why I’m posting this but …. I need to vent and so everyone something starts to go a little good in my life something always fucks it up !!!!! I’m at the end of my rope … seriously . Stress and this shit !!!! Perhaps a good cry is in order or …. Idk any more. It doesn’t matter I just needed to vent

#ewan mitchell #aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #my personal shit #idk why #at the end of my rope #can’t do this anymore #ugh fml #rant

[doomalade]

I don’t even want to write or post anything here anymore

I’m so tired of being harassed and dogpiled on

Fine, go ahead and ship Jaune and Ilia, do whatever you want

I’m gonna stop posting and not write

I hope you are all happy

@true-king-of-monsters I’m sorry okay?

Just everyone leave me alone

#rwby #doom.txt #my personal shit

[farbeyondthepalehorizon]

I just finished watching Mad Men pretty recently, so I have to say that switching back into Good Omens mode and seeing Jon Hamm as Gabriel Jim sure is one hell of a mental shift.

#Granted Don Draper is an asshole and an idiot too but of a very different variety #My personal shit #Mad Men #Good Omens

[zlataisawsome]

Art vs Artist 2023!

Wow face reveal on tumblr but also it’s insane

How much I improved. Thank you guys for supporting me! Here’s to more.

#my personal shit

[madeofvenus]

My life has been so weird lately, I don’t even understand where to take it from here. I look around and wonder how to begin some change, and further dive deeper into asking myself: do I even want to change? Will change be good or bad? Will it make things worse or better?

All I want now more than anything is some calmness to my already hectic life. Everyday there’s yelling in my home, there’s nothing more than only scowls and stinging voices shouting through each room. Tears spill from many eyes and for once, I’m sitting in my bedroom listening as their voices tremble against walls and sends tremors into my room. May I walk into the kitchen where my parents bedroom is so close by and I can hear their attempted whispers of how disappointed they are.

My eating habits have only faltered and minimized my value and self awareness as a living person on this planet. My motivation to change simply changes everyday.

It’s scary sometimes cause my whole childhood was revolved around losing weight and being body shamed by everyone I knew. Whether it was the bullies at school or the home that was supposed to be my only flee to protection. My mothers eyes burning on me while the waiter asked what I’d like, my fingers flipping the kids menu to the other side to reveal a selection of salads that might be nice.

But I was only seven, fixating on weight and being controlled on everything I ate. sometimes I’d leave everything untouched or I can clear a whole plate. I’d find a seat infront of toilets the rumbling growl in my stomach and even now as I speak about this I want to hug the little girl who was destroyed.

But i want to heal, i want to fix the little girl before searching for people who want to “fix” the broken hearted. I dont want to keep living a life where i have to keep people out of my life. I want to tell myself everyday that i have a fucking good life and I have a lot to enjoy and a little to lose. If I cant heal what has hurt me, I’m only going to bleed on people who didnt even hurt me. I may not be where i want to be and I may not be the person I’ve always wanted to become, but this is where I’m at right now. Some things worth having don’t come easy, and most things that bring us pain make us stronger for the next.

January 2023 / diary

#online diary #original writing #my personal shit #my words #poem #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #spilled words #spilled thoughts #words

[pansypr3p]

i dont blatantly sys post often!!! im not super into syscourse, i am not always against non-traumagenic systems. it depends. but i am here to complain abt how fucked up it is that anti non traumagenic systems/people are called sysmeds. like. its a play on transmeds y'know? and the thing about transmeds is like. being trans isnt a disorder. this is because. gender is not real. its a thing we made up. cant be a disorder. nothings wrong with you. yknow?

but like. being a system is stressful if not inherently caused by or influenced by trauma!! like. i fucking love and adore my headmates and wouldnt give them up for the world but. its hard sometimes, yknow??? like. switching is hard sometimes, role switches and internal conflict and all this bullshit. we love each other but having like 200 ppl in one noggin is a Bad Time, especially when there can be like 15-25 people in the front room at a time, not to mention the dissociation. i cant remember friday. or thursday, or wednesday, or tuesday. i think i have a vague idea of what happened? but i just. its just not there. yknow? and yesterday and today- ive been fighting feeling utterly apathetic because the dissociations so bad. and that was all because someone yelled at me for a second and i shut down because i got triggered because hey! trauma! woo!

so yes. being a system is a problem. not for others around you! but for me and many others. and i dunno. i just like. i just really wish they wouldnt compare us to transmeds?? like systemhood IS medical. maybe you got some other shit going on like systemhood, and yeah, okay! sure! cool! whatever! i could care less. but if you dont have that trauma, that dissociation and struggle. i want a different space!!! than you!! bc that shit is fucking hard. and fuck it. if you dont struggle like that i dont want you to talk like you do. and if you do, and you still think youre non-traumagenic. okay. sure. whatever. i dont want you in my space either. denial is a bad look.

maybe that was rude. i am sorry. i dont like being mean to people and i much rather respect everyone and leave them alone. bur i got a little frustrated so here! a rant.

#anti non traumagens who attack endos+ are not welcome here btw. i dont care if theyre endos #you dont attack other people in any way #ive seen ppl get endos banned just because theyre endos. that is fucked up. stop #mostly i just like. systems who are created via religion or spirituality or your own will fuck me up. i dont like that. please leave #got spirituality trauma! #and i don't respect people who just decide they Want to be a system sorry lmao #just #my personal shit #anti non-traumagenic systems #traumagenic systems #endos okay to interact but pls be respectful !!! #just like. hold ur tongue if u r super angry at me i am not afraid to block skdjf #but i dont hate you #i dont hate people really #minus like #cooperate fuckfaces and abusers <3 #fuck them #minus that!! #ehehek #sorry if this isn't understandable i ramble a lot #syscourse #sys stuff #system stuff #anti endo #anti endos !! interact !! unless you harass endos in which i ask you go to therapy and leave me alone ty #anti endos interact #sysmeds #sysmeds interact #hate usin that #but oh well

[goldrsh]

left morning classes earlier today bc i had an anxiety crisis and now my teacher came to me, asked if i was feeling better and after i told her the reason why i left she said “it wasn’t because of the class right??? i know the subject sucks but are you okay???” SWEETEST TEACHER EVER

#my personal shit

[seaweedbrain404]

so i came out as a trans man while i was dating my girlfriend, who at the time identified as a lesbian. i told her i was okay with breaking up, because she liked women, and i was not a woman. but she said she wanted to be together regardless of gender.

i was really nervous that she wouldn’t see me as a man, and more like a woman lite tm, or something like that. i was genuinely scared of that for ages, but then every time anyone ever misgenders me or anything, she’s the first to adamantly correct them. i’ve been introduced to people as “the boyfriend” by her and she’ll probably never understand how much it really means to me that she does actually see me as what i am.

#friendly reminder that queer people can be in straight passing relationships #case in point myself and my girlfriend #we are both not straight but we are in a straight passing relationship #anyway #it’s pride #so i thought i'd share #it felt fitting #especially with the onslaught of anti-trans attitudes and legislations #there still are good people who will love you and see you as you really are #theodore rambles #my personal shit #trans things #trans post #trans people #trans pride #trans man #trans rights #transgender #pride #pride month #queer pride #bisexaul

[dazzlerazz]

Screw terfs n all but are you normal about transgirls who don't want to medically transition? Are you normal about transguys with boobs who don't wear binders? Are you normal about the trans people who only want to socially transition because that's what's right for them? Are you normal about the transgirls with beards? Are you normal about the transguys who love their curves? Screw terfs, but are you normal about trans people?

Important Edit!!!!!

I don't mean to piggyback off of the success of this post but

A trans person is in need of your financial help

My friend @the-fab-fox is struggling and is in need of help

If you can, please consider donating to him, lord knows he needs it right now

Finley is at risk of losing his living situation, vet bills piling up, and much more

Please consider donating to his fundraiser (linked below) or donating via PayPal ([email protected]) with a note that it's for the GoFundMe

Edit 2

Thank you for those who have donated so far, it means the world to him and to me!

If you could, please donate further so Finley is able to get the products that he needs!

Please follow this link to understand what and why

#queer #keep seeing people say 'I won't respect you as a trans person until you look cis' n shit #fuck you I love my body and I'm still a guy #I come to tumblr I post stuff about being queer and then I drink two cups of coffee and have a cheese pizza

[feanope]

Me, looking at my Manwë/Ingwë fic; me looking at my Námo/Fëanor fic; me looking at all the brain rots I had over them on tumblr--the tropes that are in these fics, the dynamics I wrote and hc-ed

how am I am supposed NOT to ship a ship I've been cheering for in unawareness (bc it didn't exist yet; and later I didn't know about it). And yes, I tried not to...

#my personal shit

[doomalade]

Spite is a beautiful word

It fuels me like no other

If you want to critique how I lay down my bricks then you better be ready to be hit in the face by one

#doom.txt #my personal shit

[squidsmeister]

dungeon meshi is my favorite road-trip comedy film

#dungeon meshi #my art #laios thorden #senshi #marcille #chilchuck #chilchack #izatsumi #laois #laius thorden #sorry guys I don’t know which spelling is correct here #chilchucks car is a beat up beige Honda civic #laois never got a license because even though he’s actually a good driver he just never cared enough to do it #plus he wants to travel in some wacky way. like on a five person tandem bicycle or some shit #marcille never got a license because just fucking look at her #plus she gets motion sick in cars. she just would #senshi walks everywhere and has no need for cars #izatsumi just learned what a car was two days ago and she’s pissed that chilchuck doesn’t have a lambo #chilchuck doesn’t have time for any of this. he has to get his daughter to soccer practice at 5

[robynshellhole]

My TY ball tickets just went up and what the fuck are students in my county going down to the county right fucking below us for our TY ball???

It's a 50 minute drive for me. I feel like my parents will literally kill me.

#my personal shit #my life shit

[madeofvenus]

black. everything is black and white to me these days. colorless and dull. there’s no depth nor is there any sort of distance that makes a reach too close or too far.

there’s no pigmentation to the things I want, just a little touch leaves a stain of uncertainty. Life has no spark nor any touch of light. everything is absolutely lonesome.

I feel locked inside my head, my heart hammering silently as the beat accelerates in a pace so ferociously. The pattern it thumps in is reckless and uncoordinated. it makes me feel more disoriented every passing day. you see one day feels so good and ideal— I would almost think I’m headed to a quintessential life. But the next day quickly comes in a manner so startling. it makes the efforts of yesterday feel worthless. It makes me lose more and more hope that I’ll never be able to escape this continuous cycle.

everything I’ve wanted to say can never be release cause I’m so stuck in my head.

and everything I’ve wanted to be I couldn’t be cause I let people get in my head.

you see I don’t know how to fix myself nor others, and I can’t try to fix anything when I’m tiptoeing between the thoughts and words scattered around in my head. one day I feel completely heartless and broken— careless about the world around me and how it revolves with people around me who go through the same or even worse shit as me. then some days I see everyone and just want to hug them and be surrounded by them— like a complete empathetic and outgoing person. maybe that’s why I have an identity issue.

I hear the things people say at my job, and I’ve come so good at reading faces that I know what they mean. Cause I’m an observer. I watch the things people do and say, the little habits and little voices they mutter under their breath. i notice it all. and that makes me so much more of a coward honestly. It’s why I stay stuck inside, it’s why I don’t gather with these people as if they are my best friends. They could never be.

part of me judges them on my own, but I don’t judge their whole life or choices. I usually tend to judge they treat others. at my job a lot of people will be very sincere and close with one person for a split second— trying to get to know their personal lives. but the moment they’re with other people here, they start talking. it’s honestly nothing but the telephone game here at work. and it sucks. a bunch of grown ass women talking shit about other women. fucking great.

as much as being alone sucks, I’ll stick to myself. well my co worker is pretty cool to be with. i just prefer being alone. still, she’s a really great person to have around as company.

anyways, I hope the phase I’m in at the moment can quickly pass and I can be faced with a new chapter in my life. i don’t want to end May by saying “this month was the same as the previous ones”. i really don’t.

may, 2022

#online diary #original writing #my personal shit #my words #poem #poems on life #poetry #daily poetry #my original content #original poem #personal writing #personal diary #personal thoughts #screaming thoughts #journal thoughts #cluttered thoughts #jumbled thoughts #sad thoughts #small things to say #feeling small #poems on tumblr #journal tumblr #writers on tumblr #spilled writing #spilled my heart #spilled heart #spilled thoughts #tumblr blog #blog talk

[spooksier]

me when the emotionally repressed character is revealed to have had something happen in their childhood that was completely out of their control but changed them in a way they can never come back from

#text! #did post this on twt but this belongs on the crying about characters website #and yeah this is about jarchivist and also marc spector in the mk show #idk it hit me yesterday that they were EIGHT AND NINE!!!!!!! when their respective thing happened and that ruined me #like it wasn't their fault but they think it is!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!! #holds those autistic bi men close to my chest #should've never smoked that shit* (*took my brother to a cave/read that book) #now im irrevocably changed* (*tied to the shittest god possible/destined to be the antichrist) #edit: this is getting a bit of traction so pls know that blorbo tagging and oc tagging is SOOO encouraged #thank you to the person who added the flaming text miles edgeworth thats so funny