#next time i'll try to show more examples since this one seems a little bit bare

[strbry-shortcakes]

taking some extra anatomy classes this year, here are some of my notes in case they could help someone. should be updated every weekend (aside from october 28th and november 4th which are free days) with the following lesson's notes. (further explanations at the end)

anyway. here goes:

SCENE 0-1: LEARNING HOW TO LOOK/OBSERVE

when drawing, we each more or less have our own methods when approaching certain subjects, with multiple tools at our disposal in order to achieve the desired results. 

but generally, when drawing a model (or most things from life, actually) we can in some sort of way define a general order as to when to draw what: 

Looking / Observing

Blocking In

Correcting

Details

for today i’ll focus on the first one of the list, looking / observing.

the existing nuance between “seeing” and “looking” exists in the sense that “seeing” is more passive than “looking”. when you say “i can see a cat”, you aren’t paying too much attention to the cat. but when you say “i am looking at a cat’, you are actively paying attention to the cat and what they’re doing. 

(given the class is in French, the nuance was similar, using the words “voir” and “regarder”. but due to French not having a close equivalent to “watch” i cannot make more parallels about this, as my knowledge of English and French-to-English translation is still fairly limited)

when looking at a subject, the primary objective should be to understand what you’re looking at. you can look at a subject (or the world as a whole) under multiple filters: values, hues, proportions, in 2D or 3D, and so on. you need to define how you want to look at a subject following these filters of vision. what do you want to look at first? what do you want the viewer to look at first? this is important to define before you put your tool to your support. 

generally when drawing from life, it’s a bit reckless to rush to draw the model without actually observing them a minimum. you should take the time to observe, you are allowed to take your time to observe. no amount of limited time should paralyze you from examining the model the best you can before you put your tool to use. 

getting this more precise vision of your model can give you a better vision of their body, which is often hidden under detail. when drawing them, you should ask yourself “how is the model posing?” 

why look/observe? (probably like the most given piece of advice by pros and art youtubers who aren’t pros but still get called pros cause they have 1 million subscribers on youtube) 

this question is very easily asked but also very easily answered: 

to know how and what you’re going to draw 

to time yourself correctly and have a good time management (drawing a pose in 2 minutes is completely different to drawing a 10 minutes one), thus,

to avoid rushing to draw the subject. as said previously, take your time. start slow, but stay accurate to the model. (teacher compared it to a musician rehearsing a piece, first slowly, then speeding it up progressively as he gets to know the piece itself better and better. unfortunately as someone who is as farthest from a musician as can be, i cannot honestly attest to if this is accurate). 

but really, there is actually no such thing as a “finished” drawing. a graphite drawing could always have color added afterwards, a painting could always get more and more detailed. a piece is “finished” only when you deem it is finished. the French Académie des Beaux Arts didn’t like the Impressionists because to them, what the impressionists were doing were half assed jobs, since the idea of “transmitting a vague feeling, or an emotion through a specific style of very visible strokes” was absolute fuckery to them. speaking of, 

to transmit an emotion, or a feeling through the posing of the model. the more technical and controlled the strokes will be, the finer the wanted sensation will be felt by the viewer. this also ties in the physical aspect of the model. ideally, in order to achieve this, you can try posing the same way the model does. it may be a bit awkward but it works (depending on your learning type, of course.) 

to understand how the whole “body system” works. “i know the rules of the human body, therefore i make little to no mistakes.” 

adding a whole context to the pose helps: adding a situation in which the pose could work in gives some meaning to your drawing, as well as helping you remember it better. it also adds a narrative element to your drawing(s), which are absolutely always a plus. (memorization is also an important tool!)

now let me play devil’s advocate and ask: why not look/observe?

well, uh, there are two reasons my teach told us: 

to let your instinct and imagination go wild and free, trust your gut and have fun!! 

and, tying back, 

to let yourself be surprised by what you’ve done.

form synthesis (or just different types of approaches to draw form)

when drawing a model, there’s a few things that can be mentioned: 

multiple types of lines exist with different purposes within the drawing: the action line(s), structural lines, and contour lines. 

action lines define the overall movement of the pose. the principal one is the one you see when giving a better look at how dynamic the pose is. the secondary ones are the ones you can find in secondary rhythms when examining the pose a little longer. 

(here's a better example, actually:)

structural lines are pretty much the “stickman skeleton” you sometimes see in certain how to draw books (specifically the more advanced manga themed ones).

contour lines surround the form in a way as to draw all of the outer body without using inside shapes or lines. (it is also the basis for the Bargue method which will be slightly discussed below. there unfortunately won’t be any talk about cross-contour lines, as it hasn’t been talked about in class (yet?)) 

generally, lines take either an I shape, a C shape or an S shape. (teach said it’s preferable to mostly use I and C type lines when drawing live models. probably due to the fact that S shapes are much trickier to use “effectively” within a piece (effectively not meaning much in this context, if nothing at all. again, have fun.)). using these lines tell a lot about the model and the pose, telling a sort of dynamic storytelling which varies depending on what type of line you choose to represent your model. 

we can mostly talk about 2D shapes when three or more points have been linked by lines. sometimes, lines can skip articulations for the sake of dynamism. shapes should be thought about in their entirety, the difficulty that can be encountered usually being remaining vague but accurate with your form. 

now, a quick word about: 

the Bargue method (or, the fuck do you mean the Americans used it in art schools before us, Bargue was literally born in Paris, i fucking hate the Académie des Beaux-Arts)

the Bargue method is probably fairly well known among certain art schools or artistic communities. if i do recall correctly; it originated with Bargue noticing the low level of the students of the Académie des Beaux-Arts de Paris (or some other place basing itself solely on academic style art and paintings located in the city of Paris in the country of France on the continent of Europe) and devising a simple way to learn how to draw accurately from life (or plaster casts, depending on what you prefer). it solely based itself on straight, contour lines, forming a base around which to slowly add details to. apparently, a lot of art schools in america base their teaching of life drawing on this method, but given i do not feel like getting over $200k in debt without even mentioning living and travel costs, i cannot say if that is actually true. 

here's an example of it:

it’s pretty much basing yourself on simplifications of the form to attain absolute accuracy. no curves here to distract you, only straights. somehow, when pulled off correctly, it gives a very neat impression of realism.

anyway, that’s all i wrote down. hope teach won’t see this anytime soon, and hope this kinda helped a little bit. next week’s notes should be about blocking in shapes, so we’re starting to be a little more concrete with the actual drawing process. 

these classes were taught by Mr Francis Buchet at a class given at the Académie de la Grande Chaumière, so most of the things i’m saying here are taken from him and his class. if you live in/close to Paris and are interested in learning artistic anatomy, i suggest you look up where he is giving public classes, since they’re infinitely more engaging than these notes. his instagram is be linked below. (hoping he doesn’t get mad at me for sharing these notes… in any case i will use my own example sheets to avoid getting in any more trouble.)

and, may i remind you: these notes are only here to showcase one approach among many others, so they don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. i myself am in absolutely no way a professional, so please, take all of this with a grain of salt (or a spoonful, even). draw how you enjoy drawing, and find happiness in the way you want to draw. 

Francis Buchet's instagram: x

so, seeyou next weekend! (or earlier, if i draw something i want to show here.)

#artist tips #art tutorial #art tips #art help #drawing tips #literally no one asked but why not #that was something i've wanted to do for a while tbh #god i hope that doesn't sound pretentious #next time i'll try to show more examples since this one seems a little bit bare #first four classes will be about drawing theory so it might take a little while before we get to actual anatomy :( #so it's gonna be a little bit boring for the first while :(( #really sorry about this #next ones should be a little more concrete so. yea #i apologize if this sounds abit confusing; it's the first time i try to make a “tutorial” or anything like that for art #will also try to find a spot to put my own drawings i did while attending the class to show the stuff we do there #in any case #hope this helps someone!

[grey-gazania]

I'm sorry someone bombarded you with bitchy comments 😭. While my To Read list is lengthy and continually lengthier (actually I think something of yours with her is on it), I'd like to hear more about Ianneth-Fingon-Maedhros if you want to talk about them.

@polutrope

It wasn't really upsetting, just annoying and honestly a little bit funny. This guy left comments on all six chapters of By Love or at Least Free Will, every time I updated the story, just objecting to the entire premise of the story and ranting about how Elves have incorruptible pure souls and are immune to lust. I was sorely tempted to respond with this quote from "Laws & Customs Among the Eldar":

Even when in after days, as the histories reveal, many of the Eldar in Middle-earth became corrupted, and their hearts darkened by the shadow that lies upon Arda, seldom is any tale told of deeds of lust among them.

'Seldom' is not the same thing as 'never', and furthermore, I don't think lust is even a major theme of my story. It's more about conflicting obligations and unruly hearts.

In the end I deleted the comments without responding, because I have a personal policy of not engaging with people who are acting in bad faith. But I have to assume that this guy has no actual hobbies if he spends his time hate-reading entire stories instead of just...closing the window and moving on with his life. Maybe take up crochet, bro? Or volunteer at a soup kitchen? Watch a TV show that you like? Grow some tomatoes? Do something that will be more fulfilling than typing long screeds on AO3. I promise it will make you a happier person.

Anyway. On to the actual topic of your ask! As you've probably noticed, I am very fond of Russingon. However, I am also very fond of Fingon as Gil-galad's father. At first I balanced these two ideas by keeping my Russingon ideas and my Fingon-father-of-Gil-galad ideas in two separate universes, but then I started really fleshing out Gil-galad's mother, and it made me think some thoughts. To repeat something I said to @cuarthol in a comment on AO3:

...half the genesis of Ianneth was seeing so many stories (in multiple fandoms, not just Tolkien) where the woman is written out of a canon or semi-canon couple to make room for a popular M/M ship instead, without the female character being treated with any respect. I decided that the female perspective on that situation would be a nice change of pace and interesting to write.

I'm not trying to point fingers -- I'll readily admit that I have my male faves just like the next gal and that it's fun to make them kiss -- but the wives and girlfriends don't get a lot of love in fandom, do they? And it doesn't help that the legendarium in general tends to be a bit of a sausage fest. So I decided that Fingon would have a wife and be in love with Maedhros. But instead of focusing just on the forbidden love, I was going to focus on the wife's feelings, too.

Ianneth ("bridge-woman") is one of the Northern Sindar, from the community that lives around Lake Mithrim. She's the daughter of Annael (yes, that Annael), whom I've imagined to be one of the more influential leaders among the Northern Sindar, and particularly among the Elves of Mithrim.

Her betrothal to Fingon starts as a political arrangement. Fingolfin loves Fingon dearly, of course, but he's also been hinting for a while now that Fingon really needs to settle down and start having kids so that there will be a strong line of heirs should Fingolfin die. After all, Argon's dead, and Turgon and Aredhel abruptly fucked off to god-knows-where some three hundred years ago and haven't been seen nor heard from since. Your dad needs some grandsons, Fingon, and this also seems like a ripe opportunity to strengthen the Noldor's alliance with the Northern Sindar.

I don't think political marriage is unknown among the Elves of Beleriand. (For one example in the text, see Celegorm trying to marry Luthien to force Doriath into an alliance.) And the quote I drew the title of the aforementioned Fingon/Ianneth story from, also found in "Laws and Customs Among the Eldar," is:

The Eldar wedded only once in life, and for love or at the least by free will upon either part.

Free will could easily mean, "Are we in love? No. But I'll still marry you, for the good of our peoples, and I'll bring some of Dad's soldiers along with me." That sort of thing happened all the time among real-world nobility, so I see no reason why it can't happen among Elven nobility in Beleriand, too.

At any rate, Fingolfin arranges for Fingon to meet the daughters of some of the more powerful leaders of the Northern Sindar, and he's hint-hint-hinting that Fingon really needs to pick one of them to be his wife. Fingon, having been in love with Maedhros since they were young in Valinor, is not exactly keen on this plan. But he goes along with it anyway because he is a dutiful son, he knows that his father is right about needing to strengthen the line of succession, and he also knows that revealing his (quite taboo!) relationship with Maedhros to his father would probably break Fingolfin's heart.

It takes Fingon a while to decide who to court, but he picks Ianneth because he likes her sense of humor; she has the guts to gently tease him at their first meeting, which he finds quite charming. He doesn't think he can love anyone besides Maedhros, but he does look at Ianneth and think, "This is a woman I could grow to care for and whose companionship I think could enjoy."

The trouble begins when, over the course of their courtship, Fingon starts falling in love with Ianneth without falling out of love with Maedhros. And he doesn't know what to do about this. He can't call off the marriage, and he doesn't want to break things off with Maedhros, so he decides to just...keep the whole thing with Maedhros a secret and marry Ianneth anyway. It's not a good decision, but really, are there any options here that won't end with someone getting hurt? I don't think so.

So we have Ianneth, blissfully ignorant of her husband's infidelity (for now); Fingon, in love with two people at once and feeling horribly guilty about it, but unwilling to pick one partner over the other; and Maedhros, resigned to the situation but still hurting because Fingon is no longer his alone.

Maedhros' feelings are complicated by the fact that, once he meets her, he finds that likes Ianneth. It would be easier, he thinks, if he could write her off as just a political necessity for Fingon, but it turns out that she's charming and intelligent and kind, and he can understand why Fingon loves her. His feelings soften further once Ereiniel is born, because Fingon is so happy being a father, and he loves Fingon, so how can he begrudge him that? There's a line from "Famous Blue Raincoat" by Leonard Cohen that I always think of when I'm getting into Maedhros' head at this point:

And thanks for the trouble you took from [his] eyes. I thought it was there for good, so I never tried.

Things tick along about as smoothly as they can for thirteen years, until, in the aftermath of Fingolfin's death during the Dagor Bragollach, as Fingon prepares to send Ianneth and Ereiniel to the Falas for their safety, Ianneth learns his secret. This is understandably devastating for her, and leaves her wondering if Fingon ever really loved her as she loved him, or if his marriage to her was simply a politically expedient sham.

Add to that the fact that she leaves for the Falas less than ten hours after this revelation and spends most of that ten hours either crying or asleep, as she's too upset to really talk to Fingon about what she's discovered, and it leaves her with this horrible knowledge and all the worst thoughts that come from it gnawing at her nearly a full year until Fingon next comes to Eglarest -- time that she spends as the sole caregiver for her young daughter, among strangers in a foreign city, without her mother or her sister or any of her friends who might have theoretically been able to offer her some emotional support.

Theoretically is a key word there, though, because even if, say, her sister had come to Eglarest, Ianneth isn't sure she'd even be able to tell her. For one thing, she can't help feeling ashamed, because infidelity is very rare among Elves, and she can't help thinking that maybe she failed as a wife somehow, and if she'd done something different, Fingon wouldn't have strayed. Then there's the fact that he's the High King of the Noldor, and if this gets out it could cause a crisis in the Noldorin government and possibly tank the alliance between the House of Fingolfin and the Northern Sindar. Ianneth is a practical woman, and she's of the Northern Sindar -- the people who have been living practically on Morgoth's doorstep for centuries, with no Maia queen's magic girdle to protect them. Their alliance with the Noldor is vital, and she would never want to jeopardize it.

So Ianneth is just...completely alone with this pain. She has no one to turn to, no one who can comfort her. And that pain is central to her story, and a not insignificant part of Ereiniel's story, too.

#polutrope #turns out when you ask me about my ocs i turn into treebeard #ianneth #fingon's wife #fingon #maedhros #gil galad #woman king au #my ocs

[stoned-eren]

okay. im going to talk about the fnaf movie.

SPOILERS UNDER READ MORE!!!

overall, i thought it was very good. somehow making a whole series of a video game condensed into 1.5 hrs is not something easy to do. i think with what they were working with, they executed it pretty well. costume design was superb, and the acting from josh hutcherson was amazing.

that being said, i did find some scenes didn't belong. for example the fort scene, though i'm sure many people have pointed that out already.

i felt like they were trying to tow the line between silly/cute and scary/suspenseful, but in my opinion i don't think they needed to do that? i think if they leaned in fully to the horror aspect it would have still been a very enjoyable experience.

the scenes with vanessa disappointed me, just a bit. it felt like she was only there to progress the story/exposition. and the fucking fort scene with her... in that scene, vanessa is like "oh freddy fazbears' is so fun yayayayay" and then literally in the next scene she's telling mike "if you ever come back here IM GOING TO SHOOT YOU" ???????????? like why? what did mike even do?

the old bf made an observation that william afton was just straight up not fleshed out, at least not as much as either one of us had hoped.

i personally think if they had just included like... a 5 minute scene of william afton on his killing spree (without outright showing william afton), it would have done alot for his character. i felt like he was just kind of thrown in there towards the end, which makes me sad bc william afton is such a unique character with sooo much backstory integral to the lore of fnaf, and it just felt like he was alluded to the whole movie? idk.

there were some questionable moments. it was funny how freddy literally just murders the aunt and no one even questions it? mike would have come home to a literal corpse in his house, how does he explain that to the police?

and it made me sad how little they showed of foxy. :( foxy is my all time favorite (i literally brought a giant stuffed foxy plush with me to the movie) and it felt like he was the most forgotten animatronic. bonnie seemed to be the main center of attention tbh, he was in almost every scene where the animatronics were. but it makes sense since scott cawthon thinks bonnie is the creepiest animatronic lol.

those are my main criticisms.

but i still loved it, very much so!

when the matpat cameo came on screen... it was a shocker. i gasped so loud. the people in the movie theater literally laughed at me lol bc i gasped SO LOUD, I COULDNT HELP IT i was so shocked. AND WHEN HE SAID ITS ONLY A THEORY???? i ate it up. idc if it's cheesy, I ATE IT UP.

also i thought it was cool that the movie is (i think but could be wrong) five nights long! a little easter egg that i thought was neat. the old bf pointed this out to me.

another nice touch is in the beginning of the movie when mike is reading that dream theory book. a good callback to matpat's dream theory on fnaf (you know the one). and it's also a good way to tie in what's currently happening to mike with his dreams in the movie.

i really appreciated the subtle little ways they tied in the movie with the games, like the little "it's me" in the mirror during the scene with mike in the security room. and foxy's humming!!!! i loved it i loved it i loved it! the little noises they used from the game made me so happy!

but yeah. i'll stop ranting bc i can go on forever lol. while it had it's flaws, i don't think they affected the overarching storyline.

this is it my gamers. eight years in the making, and this is the end result.

my score? 4 cupcakes out of 5. :>

#sorry if this is long. i could talk about fnaf all day #i love it sm #.txt #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #fnaf spoilers #five nights at freddy's

[cursedvibes]

I think the voice acting for Kenjaku was better this episode, more subtle and less Cartoon Evil Villain, which was especially needed for Kenjaku's talk about the future they wanted to bring forth and the goodbye to Yuuji. I'll never be a fan of Sakurai for Kenjaku no matter which season, but at least he made some effort this episode. Still miss the banter between Kenjaku and Uraume. They didn't manage to capture that at all. No teasing from Kenjaku's side whatsoever, they almost seem disinterested in or bored by Uraume (they wish that was actually the case...couldn't be further from the truth). You could say Sakurai toned it down a little too much there. Please, don't be scared to let Kenjaku show emotions.

The stitches looked nice, I appreciate the close-up. Look a bit tense, but that's in line with my headcanon that Kenjaku made the stitches here intentionally tighter, since they would have to fight more (in contrast to Kaori's body for example) and that led to those ragged scars we see from time to time. Still would like to know what the pattern with stitches->scars->stitches means...if there is one

Also some cute faces (if only they allowed Kenjaku to look like that more often)

Hi Yorozu. Hope you had a good long rest. I wonder if the anime will fix anything about the whole Tsumiki mess in the future...probably not. But some glimpses at her or anime-original scenes of her in the past to get a better read of her personality at least would be nice.

I appreciated the look into how the civilian life has been affected by the Shibuya Incident and start of the Culling Game. That's missing a little in the manga. They essentially turned this page into little scenes, which makes the information a lot easier to digest. Makes especially the political and economic difficulties Japan is facing more tangible.

Loved the curse sequence with the little girl. Finally some proper horror. They really nailed that. Would love to see an entire season about the random civilians trying to survive in the ruins of Tokyo. It also gave me strong Devilman Crybaby vibes (except if this was Devilman the kid wouldn't have survived).

He looks drunk. In the manga he at least had an Aesthetic going for him (greasy & insane), but here he just looks spaced out and like his eyes are gonna roll into the back of his head any second. No way this dude can kill Yuuji.

Overall, good season, even if I have my pet-peeves with it and I really dislike some choices. Episode 3 is still my favourite I think with 21 a close second. I hope they take a big long break before the next season. Three years or more. And give it to a different studio. I hate that MAPPA will make more money off the hype, while the real creative heads behind this get barely anything.

#jjk spoilers

[smartycvnt]

Green

Title: Green Pairing: Nyssa al Ghul x Reader Summary: Nyssa and Y/n realize how much of an impact environment can have on a relationship. NR WC: 755

Y/n kicked her feet back and forth off the edge of the rooftop she was sitting on as she sipped on her beer. It was cocky and something that would have had her punished if she was still in the League. There were certain behaviors that were frowned upon, no matter how impressive one's kill count was. Y/n fancied herself as one of the greatest to ever been among the ranks of Ra's al Ghul, but of course, there were those who begged to differ. Talia wrote her off as a showboater, and Nyssa had always been a bit jealous. Y/n didn't want their relationship to be like that, but there was nothing that she could have done herself to fix things between them aside from completely disbanding the League of Assassin's.

"You should not be in this city." Nyssa's voice was cold, even colder than Y/n remembered it being.

"Hey there ice queen. What brings a girl like you to a city like this?" Y/n asked as she pointed her rifle downwards. Nyssa looked at the weapon in Y/n's hands and scoffed. "What? Don't knock the weapons of the century until you try them. Waller hooked me up with some pretty neat gadgets."

"Does she know that you're a deserter?" Nyssa questioned. Y/n laughed at Nyssa's question. Nyssa's face scrunched in displeasure. Y/n realized then that Nyssa had no idea why Y/n had left her post on their final mission together.

"Who the hell do you think recruited me?" Y/n glanced up at Nyssa as she watched the realization settle in. Nyssa looked displeased to say the very least, but didn't say anything else. "I answered your question, now answer mine."

"I have been residing in Star City and helping out the Green Arrow, which is why I can't allow you to do this," Nyssa said as she grabbed the muzzle of Y/n's rifle. Y/n narrowed her eyes as she swept Nyssa off of her feet and sent the woman flying back several feet on the roof. Y/n saw the door open to the club and aimed her sights down to see who was exiting. She let out a sigh of disappointment when it ended up not being her guy. She lowered it again as Nyssa grabbed her by the collar and dragged her away from her little camp.

"God, that American did a number on you. You get a little pussy and suddenly you're the shining example of morality. I know what you've done. I've got the scars to show how deep your compassion runs." Y/n shot up to her feet and got in Nyssa's face. Nyssa looked away from Y/n, suddenly unable to meet her eye. It was their first meeting since Y/n had left, and Nyssa thought that she would have wanted to kill Y/n, but all Nyssa could feel was guilt. They weren't at odds with each other, not really.

"I am sorry for what I did to you," Nyssa said as she sat down cross-legged on the ground. Y/n tossed her rifle to the side and laid down next to Nyssa. "We do not have to be enemies here, I just can't let you assassinate anybody."

"It's not on Amanda's terms, it's on mine. The people I kill, they truly deserve it now. I am past redemption, but the world doesn't have to be. You and I, we aren't ever going to be heroes, but we can make it safer for those who can be. I don't want to fight with you any more than I want to go back to being Amanda Waller's bitch," Y/n admitted. She glanced up at Nyssa, who seemed to be smiling slightly. "Let me pull the trigger tonight, and tomorrow, I'll let you show me another way."

"What you do when I'm not looking is not any of my business," Nyssa said as she covered her eyes. Y/n muttered a quiet thanks before she set herself back up again. This time, she was able to catch her guy and dispose of him quickly. The rooftop was empty and abandoned by the time that any guards got there, both Nyssa and Y/n nearly half a mile away from the scene of the crime. Y/n found herself feeling free as Nyssa held onto her hand while they ran together. It was much less scary having Nyssa as her ally rather than her enemy.

#my writing #arrowverse #arrowverse x reader #arrow x reader #arrow #nyssa al ghul x reader #nyssa al ghul

[secretxxpaladaiseu]

send DIFFERENT for a scene from my muse's past that they feel changed their outlook / personality / etc, for the better or worse { for minie }

Minie didn't have much of a positive outlook on her job. It was typical, since hardly anyone seemed to enjoy their job except the only other bartender at the bar. He seemed to love his job, putting on a show that captured even Minie's attention when they worked together. She was also fascinated at how he always seemed able to make a new drink out of thin air.

She was still glancing over recipe cards six months into the job, but was also learning quick. The basics were already memorized, and now she was working her way onto drinks that required several ingredients, though they slowed her down. Still, she wasn't too bad for someone who had never been a bartender before.

At the end of the night, even the less busy ones, Minie couldn't help but notice her coworker always managed to make more cash than she did. People asked a lot more for him specifically when she would try to serve them. It was frustrating, and it made her dread her job even more until one day. One day, jealousy had gotten the absolute best of her and she blew up at her coworker.

"What the fuck?! Are you fucking sleeping with them or something? How the hell do you keep making so much?!"

He froze at first at the woman's outburst, though he soon began chuckling. Reaching out, he ruffled the woman's hair before shrugging his shoulders. "I'm definitely not sleeping with them. Try being a little bit brighter, Minie Mouse. Smile more, and don't act like you're in such a rush to get their order. If you're a little more personal with them, they'll come around to liking you more."

She huffed as he ruffled her hair, reaching up to swat away his hand. "…Yeah, but you also make those ridiculously fancy drinks. You make them in no time at all!"

"Practice. You have to practice…Look, I'll help you. We can start meeting up before work and stay after work. I'll make you as good as me, then we'll both be raking in the cash."

"…Alright."

It was surprisingly just a few weeks of daily practice, seemingly hours of practice every day. Minie followed the example of her coworker, doing her best to follow his lead without copying him verbatim. Then one night, it hit her.

Usually, she was absolutely exhausted and ready to fall over after a busy Saturday night, but that wasn't the case this time. Minie found herself still full of energy, and her apron stuffed with cash. Of course, the cash was an afterthought. Instead, she was riding on the high of having actually enjoyed her shift. The customers were great, she had overall had the best fun at work that she had ever had.

It was a feeling she didn't fully realize until she saw one of the kitchen workers drop down into a chair at the bar, asking for a strong drink from the woman. It hit her as she quickly made the drink, still putting on a small show even to just a fellow employee. Someone she didn't need to impress, because there was nothing to gain.

Minie was just having fun with her job. She was fully enjoying her job and it caught her almost completely off guard when she realized it, but she embraced it in the next moment. Now it was just natural to her, she truly enjoyed her job and almost everything about it. All because a coworker gave her a few nudges in the right direction.

#minie abt;

[gillianthecat]

scattered thoughts on censorship of queerness and "bromance"

I hate censorship on a moral and political level, but sometimes i really enjoy the shows that come out of it. I think I enjoy the detective work of trying to read between the lines, of figuring out the subtext. In general (although not exclusively) I tend to prefer art that is understated rather than blatant (in regards to anything; not just queerness or sex). +

In a place, like China, where there is literal state censorship I think my biggest reaction is admiration at how the show-makers manage to tell a queer story despite their restrictions. I feel like I'm on their side, cheering them on for telling their story against the odds. I feel like a co-conspirator with them.

One of the fascinating things that can emerge from working under censorship is when makers create a story that makes no sense unless you know it's been censored. This has the effect of highlighting the censorship and the thing being censored. I only watched a little bit of Advance Bravely, but that's what happened there. And, to me, the editing of the ending of The Untamed, where there were a bunch of confusing time jumps, seemed like a deliberate way to say "we're not allowed to tell you what really happened with them." +

In places without state censorship, like the US or Korea, I get more betrayed and angry, since the censorship is a decision the creators are making. With The Devil Judge, while I'm really enjoying the game of "look! its a romance" I think if (when) I get to the end and their romantic relationship isn't explicitly acknowledged I'll be pissed. That's going to feel homophobic.

Obviously there are a lot of pressures on creators outside of literal state censorship. Capitalism is real. Sometimes the creative team needs to bow down to the production company. Even without official censorship this may be the only way they can get their particular queer story out into the world. But it still pisses me off, and there's a frustrating feeling of, if only. +

I think a censored queer romance, where the creators are clearly intentionally portraying a romantic relationship but not overtly acknowledging it as one, is different from a "bromance" where the creators aren't intending the relationship to be romantic/sexual, but (accidently?) create something that is easy to read sexual tension/romance into. [i haven't watched much American media in so long, so i can't think of any specific examples right now, but i know there are gazillions]

I 'm sure I'm not the first to say this, but: I think bromances happen when they're set in a world that pretends queerness doesn't exist. Since as viewers, we do know that queerness exists, it creates this dynamic where any of the characters could be queer and the show just wouldn't tell us. This means that any connection or tension between two characters can just as validly be read as romantic/sexual as it could as platonic friendship.

On the other hand, if the world acknowledges queerness (in a real way, not just a token gay co-worker), then we can believe a character shown to be straight is straight, and a relationship shown as platonic is platonic. We know that Alonzo and Bertram are just playful bantering friends and aren't romantic, because we're shown Carlo and Daisuke overtly flirting in the next room. +

Are there any recent English language censored queer romance shows? (Where the relationship is clearly depicted as romantic, but the show doesn't overtly acknowledge it.) All I can think of is stuff that is either bromance/sismance (or whatever the lesbian equivalent is called) or stuff that is explicitly queer. I know these films/shows must have existed earlier but I can't think of any now. Anyone have any names for me? If it stopped, when did it stop?

Some of these are inspired by other people's writing but its all melded together so I can't credit anyone specific right now.

#thoughts on bromance #thoughts on censorship #the devil judge #the untamed #guardian #advance bravely #my ramblings #i wish tumblr would let me do the spacing i want

[casualtheoriesandthoughts]

Why Chainsaw Man is irritating and absurd, but is still not bad. (Spoilers ahead.)

When I saw the first episode of Chainsaw Man, I was immediately put off by Denji's juvenile behavior, his sexual appetite being his only apparent motivation for doing anything (that, and staying alive to "preserve [his] new lifestyle"). The amount of blood spurting everywhere also generally deterred me from watching further, as I am not one for gratuitous gore.

One of my friends encouraged me to give it a second chance, so I did. I concluded that Chainsaw Man is irritating and absurd, but is still not bad. At least, not as in poorly made.

I don't ultimately like any of the characters, except for possibly Aki. That is because Aki comes the closest to having redeeming qualities. Relatedly, I also don't love the the way humanity is trivialized at practically every turn (Denji being the saddest example of this). But I'm less interested in giving an in-depth character analysis than an assessment of the overall vibe of the anime.

Most of all, what I dislike about the show is that it is absurd in its outlook. I don't mean being weird or really out there, I mean that it defies giving meaning to anything beyond a very superficial "wanting the good life" and "killing devils" (forgive me if I don't have the tightest use of the literary sense of "absurd"). And no, I do not think the latter is a sufficient motivation for the conflict with devils, since that doesn't even seem to be the point. Few characters have desires beyond pleasure, and is willing to dispense with morality to do so.

Aki is a good example of what I think is done in the show: his basic reason for wanting to kill devils is that devils killed his family and later, his friends. This isn't a bad motivation, but one that I feel is ultimately not done justice. (I am aware that this is only the first season, and that there is a manga. I did a bit of research and learned that more is done with the world and characters, so I'll focus on my impressions of the anime so far).

When Himeno dies, Aki mourns in his hospital room and Denji wonders at his own ability to feel the same. It raised important questions about how much of being human seems to consist in having relationships and commitments. There's so much going on in these scenes and I would say it's the one time that the show felt very compelling to me. IGN's review called this "cinematic", and I agree, which leads to my next point about absurdism.

The show's less shōnen-y moments, away from the action, spend a lot of time trying to show what the inner lives of devil hunters are like, which is mostly gray and sad. This is simultaneously poignant and not. Aki's affect is generally stoic and unfeeling, though not so much serious as emotionally vacant. His focus on devil hunting and general disgust for devils who kill his loved ones feels less emotionally charged than a principle that he's decided to live by.

Similarly, Denji's light-hearted demeanor and lack of a filter leaves very little to the imagination, giving me the distinct impression that Denji doesn't care about anything except Makima. At the end of the scene in hospital, Denji decides it's too much of a downer to continue thinking about death and loss. The delicacy of human feelings is left to languish without much fanfare.

And this is precisely what pisses me off about Denji and the show more generally. It doesn't seem to ultimately matter that people die, that devils are mercurial and seem to have engendered a moral vacuum in society or that Denji is a teenager whose development seems profoundly warped by all of it. Characters don't really reflect on this meaninglessness, and instead seem emotionally eviscerated by it. How did the world get here, and what has it lost in the process? Why should we care that life itself has been deprived of meaning?

Nothing is shown, and nothing is told either. This absurdity, in which many human experiences can't be taken for granted, is not very appealing to me. It's worth reading this paragraph on the themes of Chainsaw Man on Wikipedia, including the views of certain reviewers:

The loose comparison to Jujutsu Kaisen is also somewhat instructive here, as it highlights what I find ultimately unappealing about the anime's absurdity. It is generally difficult, I think, for people to connect with characters' whose humanity is fundamentally in question without giving them a chance to stake their own claim to that humanity. Unlike Jujutsu Kaisen, Chainsaw Man's cast is never really engaged in reflection on the meaning of their efforts, their own goals or anything. I'm not necessarily saying that absurdism doesn't have its place, and shōnen animes certainly have been guilty of being saccharine in the extreme without much nuance.

But there's something about Chainsaw Man's violent atmosphere and morally gray cast that feels routinized and blunted. It grates on my usual sense that somehow this will turn out to have rhyme or reason. So to laud Denji's character as a commentary on capitalism feels excessive, especially when it's not really clear that the author has set out to do anything of the sort. Remarking on the few moments of pathos in the manga, Katherine Dacey puts it rather well:

"... no one is reading Chainsaw Man for these kind of emotional beats; they’re hoping for outrageous displays of gore and violence, and on that front, Tatsuki Fujimoto does his utmost to push the boundaries of good taste. "

It is this aspect that I find borderline immoral. I want to emphasize that while I'm just sharing my personal opinion, there's a part of me that feels that media and culture should be generative and thoughtful (that doesn't necessarily mean a happy ending or a conventional moral of the story, mind you).

That being said, Denji's one-dimensionality is sad and compelling in its own way. I feel for Denji because I see the way he's just been ground down. It seems that he's happy-go-lucky on the surface, but from this viewer's perspective, it can't help but come off as deeply saddening. The theme of objectification and the way people's fears manifest as devils has a powerful presence in Chainsaw Man, and I think it's one of the things I think truly ends up being compelling. The aesthetic of the anime goes a long way in making things feel bleak and pointless. Living in pursuit of even modest and trivial goals is better than submitting to the crushing weight of moral grayness, or so it seems.

Even so, the flattening of humanity that takes occurs feels alienating in the extreme. The casual treatment of tragedy and desire further drives home the feeling that none of this matters. Feeling that Denji's life is sad and undeserved matters little when the universe seems to defy giving that any weight.

I started out saying that Chainsaw Man isn't bad, but that it just grates on my sensibilities with its absurdity. It is a well-crafted anime with its visuals, story and commitment to a certain style. But its message is ultimately one that I don't care for, precisely because it seems to say that there isn't one. In denying the audience any sense of ultimate meaning, I'm left wondering whether it's worth watching at all.

#chainsaw man #anime review #theories and thoughts #tragedy #absurdity

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Guiltrip!

Alright, so this one is a bit more of a serious one for me. But I'll be going in order of the episode so the more serious talk will be a bit further down! First thing we get is this lovely moment:

I've already addressed it in a post, but I'll say it again here. Guiltrip is episode 11, several episodes take place before Guiltrip that we haven't seen yet, so this is awhile after Marinette and Luka broke up. We also know that Marinette has always had feelings for Adrien, even when she was with Luka. Luka always knew that fact too. None of this is new and is to be expected, obviously, when Love Square is endgame. But! I also want to point out here that this is just a soft look. Very gentle, very common. I see people looking at each other both in real life and in other shows all the time. A look that says "I adore you". And I think it's sweet! Very subtle, but enough. Something's wrong with Rose. We never get told (in this episode anyway) what it is, but it's a chronic illness that's a worry in Rose's life, ever since she was young. I feel really bad for Juleka, knowing that her friend's been struggling with an illness, and whenever something happens she has to worry about it alone. Also that really sucks when you try to cheer somebody up and make a joke, that because you were mislead about a situation you end up making things worse. Poor Marinette. :c Adrien when he realizes he's bumped into someone (and the pink bubbles to remind us of Marinette's feelings for him):

Adrien when he realizes just who it was he bumped into!:

Scroll up now and look at how Marinette was looking at Adrien earlier that day. It's the exact same look. Yet, something feels different from usual to me, idk. But continuing on. Marinette gets slightly jumbled with her words, but manages to give herself a kick and says nope not now! Good for her! You can't expect to change overnight, but she's working on it.

She looks to the side, gathering her surroundings for a split second and she misses the top step. I'd like to say that this is just a joke for the show but well, this kind of thing has happened to me a lot because I'm that much of a klutz so I feel for her here. (On Halloween I forgot that there was another step as I was walking down as I wasn't paying attention. I couldn't walk on my foot for 2 weeks. It's a serious problem, guys. Really. xDD) Marinette had told Adrien she's concerned it was something she said that upset Juleka and Adrien tells her while sometimes she doesn't make sense, what she says is never mean. This scene reminds me of when Ladybug's worried about something and Chat Noir's there to keep her grounded and remind her of how things really are. I very much appreciate seeing such a scene with Adrienette! Makes the Love Square much more rounded. Also the way he stops her and says let him go talk to her to try to help the situation and any possible misunderstandings from taking place. ;-;

Can I just say... oh my gosh. He went from determined, to hearing Marinette trying to comfort her, to looking with confidence "This girl is amazing." and the whole Ladynoir vibe I'm getting from this scene makes me happy. The thing that's unrealistic about this scene though is you expect to tell me that 8 kids went down those stairs and came up behind them and Marinette, Adrien, and Juleka didn't hear? XD Now here's where the serious comes in. Rose is hospitalized with an illness we don't know about, but has been a long-term thing that has Juleka really worried a lot. That must be so stressful :c I'm going to be honest and say I never really saw Julerose romantically. Like I can see how people do, but to me, I could see that their bond was really unique. It didn't really fit completely in the "BFF" category either. But if felt like there was more to them that I didn't really understand. I think the best example off the top of my head was during Zombizou, when Rose was going to help Chloe after she slid down Chat's stick and she went too fast for him to catch her. Juleka seemed especially worried and concerned for her. Rose never seemed to get concerned about Juleka in the same way Juleka was about Rose. Juleka's always been more protective and worried and it was always one of those things that made me go "hmm, interesting". Now this episode finally explains why and I'm honestly super glad for it. Because this kind of a relationship is not a common one in media, especially kids media. Partially because having such serious illnesses in young people is not particularly common, and having someone who's so caring and protective of that person is even less common. And most people probably don't realize how amazing it is to have health problems and then have someone in their life who acts like Juleka does for Rose. I had a life-threatening illness as a kid, one that still affects me greatly today. When in school, my friends knew about it without me having to say anything unfortunately, and while they didn't usually treat me differently, sometimes they were pretty ignorant and didn't understand why I wasn't "normal" like them. They asked questions that were harder ones to answer, and tended to forget my answers. I got a lot of "I know you have X problem but I still don't see why you can't..." as well as thinking I was lying if I said I wasn't well and couldn't go to a party, and that was hard to deal with, being limited in what you can do which makes you different and being judged for things out of your control. So seeing these kids who only know something's wrong with her, but are willing to do so much to make her life better and happier, not judging her at all, wanting to take care of her no questions asked was really heart-warming for me. I only had one friend during that time that was anything close to this. I never had to explain anything to him if I didn't want to. He never asked me personal questions I didn't want to answer. And he seemed to know what he could do to make things for me easier if I was having a hard time without me ever saying so. And this is another reminder to me that this show is aimed at kids. To show kids that they'll likely encounter someone around their age that's going through something serious like a health problem, and what that kid needs most is kindness and not to be made to feel like they're even more different from the other kids than they already feel. The way they handled that aspect of it for such a short, limited intro to it, I think they did good. I discussed this next bit with a friend. She mentioned it first, the trope where those with chronic or serious illnesses are usually an "inspiration". With this episode, you kind of get the feeling that because Rose's been through so much, she's therefore a really positive and bubbly person and it kind of gives off the vibe that if you don't view things the way she does, then you're not doing it right. "What matters isn't the problem, but how you handle it." While I agree with this, and that when you come out of or regularly deal with

such hard times, automatically trying to see the world better and brighter can easily happen, but it's not exactly realistic either, at least not to the extent Rose and other people the media has portrayed. For one, I think you have to have always been more of that kind of person from the start to realistically be so positive. As my friend said and I agree, positivity is just who Rose is, she's not who she is just for the sake of a trope. But honestly, when you've gone through something so difficult, and if life continues to throw you more difficulties on top of it, being positive so much can sometimes turn into a negative and be harmful too. When you've been through a lot, it's important to allow yourself to feel the negative too because it's part of dealing with such problems. And if you've been through a lot in life and you haven't come out of it being all sunshine and rainbows, always looking on the brighter side of things, that's perfectly okay. Life's hard and tends not to work out how we'd like, or even for the better sometimes. If being positive and hopeful after struggling is hard to do, you're not bad or wrong for feeling that way, everybody handles things differently. c: ANYWAY, moving on to the rest of the episode! Juleka being all irritated and worried that the class was going to expose her spilling Rose's secret xD While the situation isn't ideal, it's nice that this is the most involved she's seemed with everyone in the entire duration of the show. But Rose knows something's up, and I love that she talks to her about it and realizes that she should've told everyone herself instead of Juleka being the only one who knew. Which has been such a burden on her. (Oh no, what if this is a reflection of Alya knowing Marinette's Ladybug later on? I'm hoping not.) Ugh these children and how much they care about Rose! These kids are the absolute best. But then they kind of ruin it a little with going overboard. Which, frankly, I think is just ignorance of her situation really. I mean, we don't know what exactly is wrong with Rose. Just that she ends up in the hospital. If they knew about her condition, what causes her to get sick, what to look out for, etc, they'd be much more informed and much less likely to be frantic whenever something's not perfectly "normal" with her. All of these kids are going to be overprotective parents someday, aren't they?

Okay so like... are Adrien and Marinette going to question at all how Ladybug and Chat Noir showed up immediately after Juleka was akumatized, and no damage had happened outside of the school for it to be known to the public? Literally the only ones that could've possibly known were the class to have shown up that fast. ??? I am confusion. "I can't help my best friend face his father." "No, Nino..." Two things: The fact that THIS is what he's feeling guilty about? My poor Nino! Dx I just love him, he really doesn't get enough love and appreciation imo. Also, um, isn't Ladybug like right by Chat? Didn't she hear that? What? Idk but I feel like we're really missing something here. Usually we get things that are kind of hints, that make us wonder if they know right, but this? This is a bit too blaring-in-your-face, and there's two major things so close together. Really strange. Chat about to use Cataclysm on himself. Good grief that was not expected. Chat Blanc threatened to destroy himself along with everything else. Now Chat Noir while affected with negative emotions from an akuma almost Cataclysmed himself. This show really is getting deep and dark isn't it. o.o Also is there something Adrien needs to work out with someone...? Daizzi and Rose saying the other's so cute, ugh they're both so cute! And Pigella's costume and transformation is so adorable omg. Okay so Pigella's power allows people to see their biggest wish, the thing that'd make them the most happy and feel positive emotions. I know some people probably think "That's it?" Considering that Shadow Moth preys on people's negative emotions, such a power is actually extremely useful facing Shadow Moth. (And let's not forget, that while that's her power, she has the ability to fight and make a difference just from being transformed too) BUT AWWW Juleka's wish! And her face when Pigella said it aloud. ;-; Am I the only one wondering if Pigella may someday use her power on Shadow Moth and that's how they learn his motive? I'm so impressed with how Rose knew how to handle everything. She knew she can't slip up with Juleka. She knew to sneak away to detransform and come back as Rose. She knew to subtly give the Miraculous back so nobody would ever know she had it. Even Chat Noir had no idea! I don't know why, I'm just so very proud of that. "She doesn't need a Miraculous to be a superhero." She really has the characteristics of one, and I can't wait to see more of Pigella. Also I'm really wondering. This scene here:

All the kids that are part of that friend group are there...except Marinette and Adrien, of course. Alya knows why Marinette isn't there. But is she wondering about why Adrien isn't there too? LOL Marinette being like "I'm taking your pillow back, sorry! Gotta wait for it like everyone else." and the boys being like LE GASP. Marinette's right, she's not fragile! The fact Rose jokes with her and makes everyone laugh, and Chloe saying "Hey, why doesn't everyone laugh when I say something like that?!" Adrien: Because in your case, it's never a joke. Chloe: Hm, that's true. Which is super funny, especially how he just so casually says it. But also it really shows again how Chloe wants to be liked. She wishes the kids would laugh when she makes comments, but it's because they're said in a serious/obnoxious way, instead of making light of something like in Rose's case here, that they don't. I know she talked about it with Ladybug in an episode, but it again shows that that's what she'd like. All that needs to happen is someone helping her get there. Maybe Zoe and Luka will somehow help with that later on. Anyway, this was a really great episode! I feel like some things might not make quite as much sense as they should if we got it in order, but what can you do when Gloob has to air them? Even a friend of mine who's been doing what she can to avoid spoilers, still got spoiled. She's having to delete tumblr to avoid future spoilers because people can't help themselves and tag things properly. So thanks Gloob. :P All we wanted was the episodes in order. We've waited this long for S4, we can wait a bit longer. But they gotta make money I guess. I'm glad other countries are trying their best to keep it in order anyway. c: Guiltrip also has some really great Adrienette moments, and covered a more serious topic which was really interesting and shows how much the show's changing. Especially with some of the choice of camera angles and movements! Like the zoom-in on the door with Adrien and Marinette, the boys LE GASP scene. Very cool artistic choices! Looking forward to the episodes that come before this one to try to help fill in some of the gaps! And apologies to those that frequently read these posts from me, I started writing it up late and couldn't finish so you get it the day after instead. xD

#ml #miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml season 4 spoilers #guiltrip spoilers #adrienette #juleka couffaine #rose lavillant #adrien agreste #marinette dupain-cheng #thoughts and reaction to guiltrip #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #miraculous ladybug spoilers

[sporadiclilbook]

Songbird

Yan!Childe x Singer/Dancer!Khaenri'ahn! reader

Proof-read by: @choquackette

a/n: in a way, does this count as a songfic :D? Also I'm gonna use Lost in Thoughts All Alone for this. And to be fair you're pretty much like Shigure/Azura from fates in this

TW: Kidnapping

You are the ocean's gray waves

Destined to seek life beyond the shore

Just out reach

Your voice rang out through the crowd who was listening. Your Hydro Vision glowed as you made particles of water float around you. It created an illusion that made them looked like it was sparkling. It was mesmerising. To Childe, it amazed him how you used it so beautifully for a show. Unlike his more....bloodthirsty uses of his. To think a Vision can do something so graceful and morbid at the same time.

Of course he had his Electro Delusion but this is the Vision we're talking about. He uses it as a weapon while you used it for entertainment. To be honest, he never thought he'd see something like this. It was all thanks to a mission he has to do. Tailing a guy who was in debt to the Fatui and all. Childe think he was a fool. Instead of trying to make his business better, he wastes it on shows like these. But now that he sees you, he understand why. Your exotic appearance was a sight to behold. The only known person to have the same eyes as you was that Favonius Cavalry Captain and he only showed one eye. One already can make one look intriguing but having both made you look ethereal.

Yet the water ever change

Flowing like time

The path is yours to climb

Your dance was graceful, fluid movements that did flow like water. Childe think you could've been a good sword fighter if you were able to incorporate these movements into sword fighting. But for now he'll enjoy your voice and dancing. There's just something about it he loved so much. Sure fighting is always the one he loves but there's just something about you that he's attracted to. Was it your appearance? Vocals? Movements? Or those pupils of yours? He thinks it's quite silly, he doesn't even know who you are and yet......

A burdened heart

Sinks into the ground

Here he is, eager to look for you after this whole mission thing. If there's one thing he knows, is to not judge someone's prowess by appearance. Take the traveler for example. They have a petite form and yet they were able to defeat his Foul Legacy form! Who knows what you might have in store for him? Just the thought of you actually being able to fight makes him feel giddy.

Alas, all he can do for now is listen to your song. With that said, he didn't forget his mission. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw his target. The man was also in awe of looking at you. Too in awe of noticing his presence that is. He'll get right back to him when your show's over.

A veil falls away without a sound

Not day nor night

Wrong nor right

For truth and peace, you'll fight

He wondered if his siblings would love your singing. Sleeping to a lullaby sounded like a nice idea to him. Why he even thought of that was a mystery to him. Is this what they called love at first sight? He just can't help but wished to woken up by your voice that will roll out his name softly in the morning.

Sing with me a song

Of silence and blood

The rain falls, but can't wash away the mud

Within my ancient heart dwells

Madness and pride

Can't no one hear my cry?

The song ended and the crowd threw a round applause. You bowed and left the stage immediately. Childe, who hasn't forgot his mission, quickly trailed the guy he was after outsidd. "Ah! Hello there Mr. Wei Xing! I reckon you know who I am yes?" And so from there, he scared the poor man to the death with threats and grim reminder of the debt he owed. But Childe was feeling a bit merciful today "Tell you what I'll give you some more time on one condition." Wei Xing, his target, was confused. The Fatui giving a bit of leverage? Still, he would be an idiot to refuse "And that condition is....?"

Childe chuckled at his quick response. It's natural after all. All of his intimidation must have triggered his survival instincts. "Just answer me this. Who was that singer with a Hydro Vision?" Wei Xing was baffled. That's all he wanted? "A-as far as I know, t-their name is (Y/N). They're a performer that was passing by Liyue to gain more popularity across Teyvat." Childe hummed as he hears it. 'A travelling performer huh? Looks like I'll have to act quick if I want to meet them' There was moment of silence before he asked another question "When are they leaving?" "I-in a few days"

Childe let him go and as promised gave him more time for him to pay his debt. Should he fails again to do so.....he'll be history. He only had a few days to meet and talk to you so he has to be quick. Thankfully being a Fatui Harbinger does have it perks. One of those perks being having informants that can collect informations for you. And since this is no top secret info, it was quite easy to find out where you were staying and exactly how many days before you were gone.

As he wait for you at the road that led guests from Wangshu Inn to Liyue, he thought of what you might say. Maybe you'll recognise him right away? Or perhaps you were too innocent to notice the horrors of the Fatui. As he notices your figure walking on the horizon, he prepared to greet you casually. But then he was perplexed by your outfit. It seemed less travelling performer and more of a......fighter? Interesting. He drops the idea of greeting you and opted to follow your path instead.

He followed you until you reached a domain that was near one of the ruins. You stood in front of the entrance as he awaits your next move, intentionally letting his presence seep out. "You're not doing that much of a great job to hide yourself, Fatui. Or is it intentional?" Childe walks out from the spot he was hiding in and approached you slowly while saying "Well, isn't this a surprise? I just happened to be passing b-" His actions stopped midway as your pointed a spear at him. "Not a step closer, what do you want?"

Your starred pupils were sharped and narrowed. It held an intense emotion in it. Childe held up his hands in some sort of mock surrender and laughed a bit "Hey now! There's no need to get aggressive, is there? I was just curious why someone like you is doing here. Not exactly a good place to perform isn't it?"

"That's none of your business."

"Are you gonna go inside this domain?"

"...."

"If so, can I follow?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I said no."

"I'm very good at fighting you know. It'll be a shame if someone like you gets inju--"

Your spear was closer to him now. Threatening to slice him open any minute you wanted to. It didn't faze him at all. In fact it made him thrilled. He knew there was something about you that was enchanting and perhaps this was it. An unrelenting fighting spirit. In a blink of an eye, he immediately summoned his hydro javelin and parried your spear. You backed away in surprise but kept your guard up.

"Listen I have no time for you Fatui. Leave me be. I have more important matters to attend to." Childe just gave a fox-like grin at your attempt to intimidate him. "Is that so? Like what exactly?" You rolled your eyes at him. He was getting annoying for sure. "Like I said, none of your business." It looks like you might have to halt your plans for tonight. The Abyss Order can wait. "So, what are you gonna do little star?" Without warning you immediately engulfed yourself in a torrent of water and disappears. Childe was shocked when he sees it but still grinned. If you wanted to be a challenge then so be it. If he can't bother you during your 'missions' then he'll bother you during the day.

And that is exactly what he did.

For two days straight he kept trying to talk with you whenever you were out visiting the Liyue Harbour. At first you tolerated him but now he was insufferable. You were glad you were leaving as soon as possible next day but Childe was not having any of that. In just the span of two days his little curiosity had turned into a tsunami of obsession. Your expressions and reactions not to mention the little heart warming moments he saw you cheering up some of the kids in Liyue. He wants to know even more of you.

And precisely why he is fighting you right now.

As he has deducted, your move was as graceful as your dance. Your fighting style was as unique as your eyes. Something he has never seen before. You dodged his flurry of arrows, panting while doing so. How long has he fought you? It felt like an eternity. You tried to dash to him and deliver a swift strike but him and his stupid shield won't let you. You jumped back just in time before he strike his hydro swords at you. You can't even get an elemental advantage here, you had to mostly rely on your weapon.

"Well (Y/N), it's been a fun fight really. But why don't you surrender now? You're tired aren't you? I promise things will go smoothly if you just give up."

You didn't want to. There's no way you'll give up. What does he wants with you anyway? You only stared down at him in silence, refusing to answer. "Ah, stubborn now aren't we? I guess I'll have to use a little force...." He activated his Delusion and immediately dashed towards you, giving you no time to react. The electricity made you groan in pain. You use your spear as a stabiliser from falling to the ground but you were running out of energy at this point.

Before you could fall, Childe took a hold of your body. "See? It's not that hard to give up." You wanted to mutter a remark but darkness shrouded your vision before you fainted. You woke up in an unfamiliar room. Certainly not Liyue's architecture nor your homeland's. Your first thought was to look for an escape.

The door was locked.

Windows were barred.

The wardrobe had the clothes you brought with you across Teyvat along with some new ones.

There was a chain at your leg that's long enough to get you to the bathroom.

Your Vision and weapon was missing.

You waited in silence, pondering what to do. You certainly can't escape like this. But then you heard the door open. And as expected it was him. "Did you had a good sleep? You were knocked out for a while there." You scowled at him "Drop the act, where am I?" Childe hummed before answering "You're in Snezhnaya of course! Where else would I bring you? I'm quite lucky to be able to bring you here and visit my siblings! Say would you like to visi--" "Why would I do that?"

His grin dropped and his eyes stared at you. His eyes was....hollow...empty...devoid of any humanity in them. He walked towards you and you instinctively stepped back. He had you trapped against a wall. He lifted up your chin and let out a small but terrifying smile "Well, because your fate is in my hands. There's nothing you can do now, is there? But I'll forgive your behaviour for now.....if you sing that is."

You hated it. You hated the fact he was right. So you had no choice but to stay obedient and be his 'little songbird' until you found a window of opportunity. He lets go of your chin and sat down on a chair. With a heavy heart, you opened your mouth to sing.

You are the ocean's gray waves

Destined to seek life beyond the shore

Just out of reach

Childe smiled as you sing. He's sure you'll come around and fall in love with him soon enough.

Yet the water ever change

Flowing like time

The path is yours to climb

Shame that you can't meet his family yet. They would've love you. He can't wait for that day to arrive though. He can't help but feel joy. His little songbird, all his and no one else.

You are the ocean's gray waves.

#sporadicpage #yandere genshin impact #yandere childe #yandere tartaglia #yandere x reader #tw: kidnapping

[xpeachesncream]

restart | four

[ SEQUEL TO PERFECTLY WRONG ] | [ series masterlist ]

summary: as you and taehyung start to build your life together post graduation, things become more complicated than what you expected it to be. while taehyung struggles with his inner demons, you’ve become the sole supporter, the pillar, juggling different jobs to keep you two afloat. your love for each other has been put to the test as your relationship continues to face hurdles - hurdles that have you questioning whether or not your relationship will make it through.

pairing: reader x fiancé!kth

genre: post grad au, established relationship au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 4.8k

warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy, lots of insecurities and overthinking, angst, crying, bar scene, alcohol consumption, flashback scene in the middle of the chapter, a lil sprinkle of fluff, implied sexual content, bickering/arguments

note: honestly, this was ALSO not supposed to get this long but like… 🙃 here we are lol

tags: @enchantaeduniverse​ @thedarkwinterrose​ @sapphirejeon​ @jwlmnbt​ @bluesharksandfish​ @ra-mun-e @brightcolorsoffendme​ @jungcrookthecookbook​ @sunniejinnie​ (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"Okay, I think that's it." You said, hands on your hips as you and Jungkook walked through your door for the final time.

"What are you selling, the world?" He huffs and puffs.

"For someone who works out often, you complain a lot." He rolls his eyes playfully.

"Where's Tae?"

"Sleeping still." He nods.

"Oh, okay. Ready to go then?" You nodded silently as you grabbed your bag to hitch a ride to the café with Jungkook since he was working today. He starts to talk about the girl who works with you two and how he thinks she's a little cutiepie. He has such a silly crush on her that his cheeks are lightly rose tinted every time he talks about certain encounters they've had. You're happy to see him happy, and you tell him to keep pursuing it since she's a super sweet girl. However, part of you is sad solely because you couldn't say you were 100% happy at this moment. You wish you were, but these problems were hindering you from feeling complete. You just wanted to get past this page in the book.

As soon as you both get to the cafe, you start unloading his trunk and getting everything inside. Jungkook claims he has the last two bags covered, so you walk to the back and take breather just to gather yourself before setting up. But you truly didn't expect to lose it right then and there.

"Okay! I got all the— Y/N?" Jungkook instantly worries when he sees you crying into your hands in the backroom and hurries over to you. "Hey, woah. What's going on?" He gets in front of you, gently trying to pry your hands off of your face.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." You continue to cry as he successfully removes your hands from your face.

"Sorry for what? What's going on?" He wipes your tears with his sweater and lifts your chin to look at you in the eye.

"Nothing."

"The day barely started and you're already crying in the backroom." He says softly. "Don't try and lie to me."

"I just don't know what's going on between me and Tae and it's stressing me out."

"What's going on? Same stuff?" You nod, tears still streaming down your cheeks. You tell him about how he had been super weird about taking Jimin's help and how you both got into a huge argument about it. Then, you told him how last night ended [sparing your poor bestfriend the details] and how you couldn't help but feel used because he simply dismissed you, which is very unlike Taehyung when it comes to arguments and disagreements. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I know he's going through a rough time, but Tae also needs to respect you and look at you as his partner, not someone who's also attacking him or against him. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No." Simply, no. Because you never get your friends involved like that. You just don't, no matter how much they wanna help. "He looks at me like I am, especially after this whole Jimin thing. I don't wanna say it's stupid because I don't wanna discredit his feelings, but god. Like, should I just do this on my own? Tell Jimin to forget it?"

"No." Jungkook shakes his head. "You're already getting a good start on your goals, Y/N. Don't let that go because of everything going on. Give him some time and space."

"I have been. For awhile now." You sat, feeling completely defeated already, tears still coming down your cheeks.

"Here, I'll go set up and I can take over the table for a bit. I'll ask Isabella if she can cover for a quick second." He stands in front of you, hands out to help support you as if you had lost your footing.

"No, I'll be fine—"

"Y/N, just sit. Okay?" He gives off a small sigh. "Just sit for a second and let yourself take a breather." He gently sits you down and makes sure you don't get up by slowly backing away from you.

"Kook, this isn't Marco Polo."

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't run off because you're stubborn!"

"Hey!" Isabella comes running in, a little confused as to what's happening.

"Hey, can you cover me at the front for a bit?" Jungkook stands back upright in a normal position to ask her sweetly, hands tucked behind his back as he bounced on his feet. This boy.

"Yeah, of course Jungkook." She blushes.

"Thanks. I'll be right back." He gives you a quick look before dashing off. You lay your head onto your arms as they rest on the table, a small headache forming at the center of your forehead.

"You okay, Y/N?" Isabella asks softly as she puts her things away.

"Yeah, sorry. Just a really weird day yesterday."

"I'm sorry." You feel her hand caress your back. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" She says before shuffling herself out of the room. To be honest, you had no idea what was going on with you, and why you were feeling this way. You were just so sick and tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

This was slowly taking a toll on you, and you weren't even sure if Taehyung realized what he was doing was hurting you in the process.

He can't say he does.

Tae set the weights down back onto the rack aggressively before sitting on the bench, watching Jimin finish his set. They had been working out after lunch, Jimin calling him shortly after Taehyung had fully woken up.

"Are you gonna go to the café after this?" Tae shrugged.

"I don't know, Y/N said she didn't need help and wouldn't be there all day."

"You won't even visit for a bit?" Jimin asks. Usually Tae was rushing to get back to you, but he knew everything that had been going on had been affecting your relationship to an extent.

"We'll see."

"You two coming to the bars tonight then?"

"What are we celebrating again?"

"Nothing. Just getting together like old times. I told Kook, Hobi and Yoongi. They're down." Tae nodded.

"Joon, too?"

"Joon, too."

"Me and Y/N will probably go but I don't think we'll stay long. She has to do that thing at the school—" He scratched his head. "The thing— the exhibit and talking to incoming art students or whatever." Jimin chuckled at how Tae couldn't get his words out.

"It's not whatever."

"You know that's not what I mean." Tae rolled his eyes at him, annoyed all over again at how Jimin had been kissing your ass lately. Cause fuck, the way Jimin had been painting himself as a knight in shining armor, an angel even, was pissing him the fuck off. It made him feel like he wasn't doing enough to support you, or like you couldn't turn to him for help. He hated that feeling, even though he had been rude as hell and showing it in a different way.

"That's fine. Just come out and hang out for a bit." Jimin sighed as he sat on the bench next to him, drinking some water before placing the bottle back down on the ground. "You two doing okay?"

"Yeah, what makes you think we aren't?" Tae asks, getting defensive. Jimin quickly eyes him, reading his body language. He knew Taehyung so well - so fucking well that he knew almost immediately when things were taking a toll on him. Things liiiike.. his parents. As a prime example. Jimin knew Taehyung and his parents obviously didn't have the best relationship, and he knew he took things to heart whenever his father got on him about stupid shit [just like he did over that dinner]. Taehyung wasn't one to show emotion much; he liked showing people he was mentally tough and that he could handle whatever came his way. For the most part, it was true. But, Jimin and Namjoon also knew he wasn't always like that, especially when it came to things that mattered the most to him - his family and you. Taehyung hated to admit it but his family's opinion of him was important no matter what. He was hard on himself because he wanted them to be proud. He wanted to actually feel like he had been doing something good for once. He was still longing for that feeling no matter what he said or did. It was a never-ending battle; like a plot with no happy ending in sight.

"I'm just asking." Jimin threw up his hands, showing that he wasn't suggesting anything behind the harmless question.

"We're fine. I know she's been stressed lately because of work and her art."

"Mmm."

"It's funny." Taehyung chuckles at himself.

"What's funny?" Jimin laughed a bit, confused.

"I didn't expect to be caught up in her like this. After Hana, messing around with all these girls. She's my fucking fiancé."

"Yeah and you better not fuck that up." Jimin stands to gather his things.

"You sound like my dad." Tae jokes, even though he was pretty offended.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to." Jimin instantly apologizes, knowing everyone had been walking on eggshells around Taehyung lately. "She's a good girl, you've got it good."

Taehyung softly smiles at the thought of you, but he wasn't gonna lie, he was hurt by Jimin's statement. Call him sensitive or whatever, but he wasn't feeling the fact that people were constantly looking at him as a fuck up and hinting at it. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme lately. "You ready?" Tae sighs before grabbing his stuff. They get into his car, departing from the gym to make their way to Jimin's so he can get dropped off before Tae heads home. Taehyung replays yesterday's events in his head, which instantly irks him all over again. But, he has such a soft spot for you that he feels terrible for having been too harsh about it. He was still upset, and he wasn't gonna let up on his feelings. But he knew he should have been better about how he approached it. He knew better than that. He's learned to do better.

➤ FLASHBACK

Taehyung excitedly parks his car at the café to surprise you for your pop up today. He had been working endlessly to finish off finals strongly, and he had been so busy that he hadn't really gotten a chance to help you or support you. He felt terrible about it because you were his babygirl and he wanted nothing but to spoil you for all the hardwork you've been putting in.

He creeps up behind you, bouquet of flowers hidden behind his back. "Excuse me, miss." He says lowly near your ear.

"Holy fuck!" You say as he startles you. "Babe, what the hell! Don't do that!" He laughs.

"What's cookin', goodlookin'?" He wiggles his eyebrows, making you chuckle. "These are for you." He smiles toothlessly as he hands you the pretty bouquet. "And your favorite!" He hands you a Mcflurry cup.

You squeal. "Oreo Mcflurry! Aw, thank you baby." You place a quick kiss on his lips. "But don't ever scare me like that!" You playfully hit his chest, causing him to erupt in laughter.

"You should've seen your face."

"Ha-ha, very funny." You rolled your eyes, causing him to pinch your cheeks.

"How's it going?"

"Welp, I'm almost out for the day." You giggle. "I, uh, may have underestimated." You look down at his hoodie, realizing it was one of the hoodies you had made for a previous collection you sold at Jin's. "Waaaow, cute sweater, who made it?"

"Mm, I don't know if you know her. Her name's Y/N."

"Uh huh?" You nod, hand on your hip, waiting to hear more.

"She stands about this tall." He lowers himself close to the ground, causing you to laugh. "Cute, right? She's beautiful, incredibly smart and sexy. Brilliant visual designer and illustrator. Packed with hella attitude." He pretends to ponder on his thoughts. "I could go on about her, really. She's one of a kind."

"Cute. She must feel lucky." You smile.

"I know, I'd feel lucky if I knew me too." You roll your eyes and playfully hit him. "Ah, I'm kidding." He pulls you into a hug. "I keep this sweater in my trunk."

"Oh, so you keep it in your trunk just for emergency wear?" You sarcastically ask as he holds you from behind.

"Yeah, and cause it's the only sweater I'd choose to wear out of the hundreds I own." You smile up at him. "Mhm, not gonna try and win that one." He places a big, sloppy kiss on your cheek before pulling away. "Show me. How can I help my pretty baby today?"

➤ END FLASHBACK

"Hey, I can't stay out late tonight because of the event tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know." Taehyung says softly.

"Please don't drink too much."

"I wooooooon't." He whines with a small sigh, also slightly offended at that statement. He didn't know what it was, maybe it was the fact that his own father painted him in such a negative light that everything seemed off to him lately. Like people were just out to get him or constantly looking down at him and his actions. A personal attack at who he was. It was slowly piling up for him and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take.

You prepared a quick dinner while he hopped in the shower. You set his plate aside before taking a look at the mail that had come in today.

Bills, bills and more bills.

You sighed to yourself as it felt like you had just paid things off, but clearly not. Moving into Taehyung's wasn't the greatest idea, being that his space was much more expensive than yours. But, he did have the space you needed for your work. There was money left, but you knew it wouldn't last forever. You hated tapping into your savings and whipping out your credit cards because you wanted to keep yourself clean as much as possible. However, that was proven difficult as of late. It was a sacrifice, especially since Taehyung had cut off his mother's help. Taehyung's pride was such a curse sometimes.

You shook your head, already finalizing the fact that you would deal with it later. You had began to set your things aside for the new student event tomorrow morning. You figured you'd get there early to set up and make your table at neat and cute, so you didnt have to worry much about it right now.

Taehyung comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, hair slicked back and wet. You turn to face him, your eyes wandering down to his chest and bottom area. God, why was he so beautiful? It wasn't fair. You loved him so much that you could crumble even being upset. He talks a whole lot about you being the death of him, when really, this man is going to be the death of you. Truly. There's no debate about it.

Getting to the bar, you both immediately spot your friends in the corner, a huge tower of beer decorating the center of the table. Jimin is the first to stand, coming towards you two with a huge smile on his face.

"Friends!" Jimin yells. "Drink!" He says, holding up two shot glasses.

"Fuck, man." Taehyung says taking the glass. "We just got here."

"So! Y/N needs to be home early remember?" He watches wide-eyed as you two take the shot and make sour faces at each other.

"Okay, I'm good." You say, being that you were the DD tonight. Taehyung could enjoy himself if he wanted to [to an extent], but you definitely needed to be in tip top shape to be a good role model to those incoming art students tomorrow.

Throughout the night, the bar starts to get packed from end to end, you and your friends staying at the table and keeping to yourselves. You could tell Taehyung was crossing the line of pretty fucking drunk, which somewhat bothered you. You literally just told him to take it easy tonight - just for one night - so you could do what you need to do tomorrow.

"Hey." Jimin comes next to you, swinging his arm over your shoulder like he always does. "One more shot?" You give him a toothless smile. Ugh, why the hell not? Your man was drunk, and Jimin had only been helpful lately. You could at least return the favor by taking a shot with him.

"What are we drinking to?"

"You." He smiles. "Your shop. Your art. It'll only go up from here, yeah?" He rose his shot glass up before clinking it against yours and taking it to the neck.

"Mkay, that does it for me." You chuckle. "Thanks for the shot."

"No problem. You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." You looked at your watch. "Should probably get out of here soon, but Tae looks like he's enjoying himself. I don't wanna drag him out of here."

"We can just bring him home." You shake your head worriedly.

"I don't wanna leave without him." Jimin chuckles and looks over at Taehyung.

"He'll be okay and you'll be just fine tomorrow. Besides, you can make up all the bullshit in the world to tell the incoming students, they'll believe it either way."

"That's mean." You chuckle.

"Come. Let's dance!" Jimin says, leading the way to the empty space near the table. Everyone gets up to dance, Taehyung slipping himself behind you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"Can I at least get one minute with my lady without Jimin interrupting?" He says in your ear.

"Taehyung." You flatly say, looking back at him.

"That's your mad face." He holds you tightly from behind as he sways you from side to side.

"I'm not mad."

"Mhm." He kisses the back of your head. "Why don't you have fun with me for a little? We'll go home after this." You couldn't even stay mad at him, with that fucking frustratingly handsome face of his. He was definitely drunk though, you could smell the whiskey lingering on his breath as he danced with you for a bit. You let him be, just so you wouldn't trigger anything within drunk Taehyung. Everyone around you was having a good time, the feeling of nostalgia hitting you pretty hard. You missed the days where you could get together and go to parties after a long week of school. Or, when you would tease the fuck out of Taehyung as his fuckbuddy during parties, or at the clubs. You know, before graduation and responsibilities happened.

But as one hour turned into two, and two turned into three, you found yourself getting restless. It was nearing 2AM and you had to be at the school by 8am - even earlier just to set your table up. You made your way to the bathroom, hoping Tae would get the point and start getting himself ready to leave.

Right.

Once you were out the bathroom, he'd realize you had been gone for a little and start saying his goodbye's. He'd realize time got to the best of him. Right?

"It's a fucking good time tonight!" Jimin tells Namjoon, laughing with him as he watches Joon act a fool with his dance moves.

"I'm sure it is, since you've been in Y/N's space the entire night." Taehyung says it jokingly, but he doesn't realize it only comes off that way in his head. Jimin furrows his brows at him, his high quickly dying with Taehyung's unnecessary comment.

"Don't start with all that. Not tonight. Everyone's having a good time--"

"Or what, Jimin?" Taehyung chuckles like the petty ass he can be. "You know it's true. Don't you think it's a little disrespectful to be crossing boundaries?"

"Hey, let's step back for a bit." Jungkook lightly tugs on Taehyung's arm as he hears the conversation going south quickly. But Taehyung breaks from his grip, stepping forward towards Jimin.

"You really think I would do that to you?"

"Haven't you already? Swinging your arms around her and shit, being all angelic--"

"Tae, come on. That's enough. Don't." Namjoon steps in the middle. "Let's go outside to get some air."

"You really wanna make me look that bad in front of my own girl?" Jimin lightly pushes him away, Taehyung getting too into his space.

"Enough." Namjoon shakes his head, aggressively stepping in the way to create distance. Taehyung shakes his head and walks off, the rest of the group watching as he walks. You finish off in the bathroom, assuming Tae was already getting ready to go. However, you realize your assumption of leaving by the time you're back is absolutely incorrect because when you get to the table, Taehyung is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Tae?" Kook looks at you frazzled, before his eyes begin to pan the room again.

"Look, don't freak out, but him and Jimin just got into it and he walked off."

"What the hell do you mean they got into it and he walked off?"

"It's nothing, Tae is just drunk—" Kook squeezes your wrist and shakes his head.

"No, it's not just nothing because you and I both know how he's been feeling lately." You run your hand through your hair. "What did he say?"

"He just got into it about Jimin getting close to you lately, and how he felt like he was disrespecting boundaries." You sigh heavily.

"Fuck."

"We have an issue." Namjoon comes back from out of the blue. "He's not around."

"What do you mean?! Where did he go?" You run your hand through your hair.

"Okay, let's not panic." Jungkook tries to relax you. "Let me go check the bathrooms." Namjoon nods as he continues to look around the room.

"Please? We should get home." He nods to you before he's off to check for Tae in the bathroom. You stand near the table awkwardly, worry filling you quickly the more time passes.

"Hey, you okay? What can I do?" Hobi squeezes your arm, his face flushed with a red tint from how tipsy he is. You give him a small, reassuring smile and nod to try and keep calm.

"I honestly don't know anymore, but I'll be good. I think. We're just gonna look for him and head home."

"Is Kookie looking in the bathroom?" You nod. At this point, you catch a glimpse of Jungkook coming back alone.

"Jungkook?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find him in there. I swear I tried."

"So, where the hell is he?" Jungkook shrugs.

"Lets check around again. I won't leave until we find him."

"Have you tried to call him?" You had already beaten Yoongi's question, calling Taehyung's phone only to see his phone vibrating and ringing on the fucking table. "Hm, okay. Maybe not."

"Fuck." You snatch Taehyung's phone from the table. "Is he serious right now? It's about to be 2:30AM. How the fuck can he get lost at this time?"

"Y/N just go home, we'll find him and bring him home." Jimin says, coming back from roaming around the place.

"No, I'm not leaving here without him."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." He says, looking at you in the eye. Although he was pretty fucking pissed, he couldn't help but worry about him either. No matter what, that was still his bestfriend. He didn't want anything to happen to him.

"It's not your fault."

"We need to check around the neighborhood." Jungkook suddenly comes back and grabs your arm. You follow him, Yoongi, Hobi, Namjoon and Jimin outside of the bar, the cold hitting your skin harshly.

"Let's split." Namjoon says. Jimin and Hobi split, Namjoon and Yoongi sticking together to go down a different path. You kept yourself close to Jungkook, knowing there were all sorts of drunk ass men out at this hour and you weren't helping wearing a tiny ass skirt and a deep cut shirt.

"Cutiepie, let me come holla!" A dude yells as he tries to swing his arm around your waist. Jungkook easily pushes him off, glaring at him.

"Back the fuck up." He spits out, your bestfriend coming to your rescue amongst the sea of men you're encountering on the sidewalk right now. He throws his jacket over your shoulders, hoping to shield you from them and the cold. "Your outfit." Jungkook frowns, a little worried.

"I mean, I didn't expect to lose Tae tonight." Once you had gotten to a quieter part of the street, you come from behind to walk beside him. "Where the hell could he have gone?" You whine. You're more worried for his safety and wellbeing right now more than anything and all you wanted to do was find him and bring him home, even though you were slightly worrying about yourself and how things would go tomorrow. You could give him an earful later. It could wait.

"He couldn't have gone far." You both continue down the street, heading towards your car, hoping he may be around the area. Jimin calls to check in, saying him and Hobi hadn't caught sight of him yet, and the same thing goes for Yoongi and Joon. You almost want to cry when you don't see Taehyung near your car, but Jungkook ends up walking further down towards the park near your parking spot. "Y/N! Here!" He calls out, running towards an individual slumped over on their knees on a bench. "Taehyungie?" Jungkook sits next to him and shakes him a bit.

"Shit dude, I just kept walking then I suddenly had no idea where I was at." He drunkily says as you sit next to him and sigh heavily.

"No one said you had to do that, Tae."

"I just needed some air."

"Yeah and look where that got you, it's close to 3AM." You respond, irritated.

"Y/N." Jungkook says softly, shaking his head at you as if he were signaling for you to quit with your attitude. "Let's go back to the car." Jungkook watches him stand up and wobble a bit, but eases up when he realizes Taehyung is capable of walking himself to the car. You three get back safely, letting the others know that you had found him before driving Jungkook back towards the club so he can meet with everyone else. You quickly thank him for his support before driving off to head home.

The car is incredibly cold, and silent.

"Love, I'm sorry. I just needed air and got lost." He breaks the silence.

"I see that." You say softly as you drive home, keeping your eyes glued to the road in front of you.

3:23AM.

"Please don't be mad." He gives your thigh gentle squeeze. "I just got a little into my head tonight." You sighed, gently removing his hand from your thigh.

"Taehyung, I'm your fiancé, I'm doing this with you and only you. Do you even understand how worried I was? You just walked off, without your phone. Without saying anything to me. Just cause you got in your head for no reason."

"I'm sorry." He repeats at a whisper. You don't say anything else for the rest of the drive home. You silently park the car and head to the apartment, Taehyung sluggishly following behind you. He knows you're bothered, knowing it's closing to 3:30AM and you had an early morning. Honestly, he didn't realize how drunk he was until he had gotten himself into that argument with Jimin then got lost, especially without his phone. The fact that he had made you worry and stress like that made him feel terrible, especially after these past few days. You could have easily left, but you didn't leave without him even if it was this late. He instantly just wanted to cuddle you and tell you how sorry he was.

You quietly get ready for bed and line your things up by the door, just so it would be an easy quick and grab as you head out in the morning. You slip yourself into the sheets, Taehyung following shortly after he gets himself ready for bed. He shuts off all the lights and grabs himself a water bottle to sit by his nightstand before slipping in next to you.

"I love you." He whispers against your ear, wrapping his arms around you. But you don't respond. He peeks over to see your eyes shut, silently sighing to himself as he nuzzled his head against the nape of your neck. He knows you aren't fast asleep yet, and it hurts him that you hadn't said it back. You both just knew exactly how to love each other well, but also push each other's buttons. But, maybe, it was true - he was just fucking up left and right lately. Enough for you to go to bed without saying 'I love you' back.

'cause baby if i find a way, i'm sure of it, this love won't stray; just give me a chance to say i love you, and i need you. now are you here to stay, or fade away like every other day? you're the reason that i lie awake

track two: 3AM - finding hope

#bts #bts fanfiction #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #kth x reader #writing #restart #restart series #sequel to perfectly wrong #perfectly wrong sequel #kth series #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #taehyung smut #kim taehyung angst #kim taehyung fluff #kim taehyung smut #kth angst #kth fluff #kth smut

[th3-z0diac]

How I Make Aesthetics.

Long post ahead, sorry :(

In the past, I've been asked multiple times how I create my aesthetics and where do I get the best pictures for them, so I figured I'd make this master post of what exactly I do. Btw this is coming from a person who has studied graphic design for 4 years and had about 4 years of experience in making zodiac collages here on tumblr. Do what you want with that information.

A few disclaimers

There are different types of aesthetics and in this post, I'm going to be specifically talking about a certain type that I like to make. Here, examples:

My most used format is 6 pictures in 3 rows, but I've also tried 4 pictures, like here for example:

There are other types such as minimalistic photos, dark academia, grunge, and SO many more. Please keep in mind that I'm not hating on these types and when I mention a rule such as don't use photos that are too minimalistic, I am not saying that minimalistic aesthetics are wrong or ugly or anything of that sort!

Just because I don't choose a certain photo doesn't mean I don't like it, it just means that the photo is not exactly what I'm looking for. By me showing you the examples below, I'm just trying to paint a picture. No hate here, okay?

I don't own any of the pictures I use (I've only used like one or two of my own photos in the past) but then again this is just for entertainment, I don't make money doing this or anything. If I ever get a message from an owner of any of these photos and they want me to delete it, I will delete it.

Where to get the photos

Pinterest! Period. AHAHAHA

No but seriously, pinterest and tumblr are my two favorite sources and you will find pretty much exactly what you need there. pinterest specifically.

On tumblr, I usually search for hipster, grunge, indie, and nature, but it also helps to just find specific blogs that focus on photography, follow them and then just download anything from your dashboard that you fancy.

I'll share what I search for on pinterest below👇. My secret tip would be to not always go for the first photo you find but rather to open a picture that sorta has what you like in it and then scroll down, because pinterest is going to recommend you similar, sometimes better fitting photos. On tumblr, I sometimes go to the blog of the person whose one photo I like, and there I tend to find many more of the same kind (since these bloggers usually post a specific kind of aesthetic).

How to choose photos

My number one tip would be to seek texture. Avoid photos that have little going on in them and anything too empty or minimalistic (unless that's what you're aiming for, obviously). Also, don't choose pictures that are very light or very dark, as they tend to stand out in aesthetics and that's not really what you want. At least in the type of aesthetics that I make, I want the final product to be almost a new picture in itself if that makes sense. To show you an example, look at this photo of two sleeping cats:

This photo seems like a good fit; it is well balanced in colours (there are shades of white, beige/ginger as well as some greens) and c'mon, it's two cats, what more do you need!!! However, let's look at it in a complete aesthetic:

While this aesthetic has a nice color scheme to it (well, it doesn't, I threw it together super quickly, but you get the gist), the photo of the two cats just stands out because the khaki background creates this kind of block of color that your eye will automatically go to and it sort of breaks the collage apart. So, by texture, I mean that a picture is filled, for example with trees, flowers, architecture, little people in the background, etc., etc. Furthermore, I prefer when there are more things photographed (for instance, look at the first picture of the aesthetic above; it has a mirror (and a tiny person in it), architecture and leaves all in one picture)

Next, personality. Go to Google Images and search 'Nature Photography' or 'Sunset Photos'. You might get something like this:

Or this:

Look at this absolute angel of a boy💚💚💚💚💚💚Isn't he the cutest freaking thing you've ever seen?????? I just want to give him all the treats and all the pets and — ...ehm, sorry, that's not why we're here.

So I don't quite know how to explain this point, but I guess usually professional photos like this are just so well done that they work perfectly well on their own and you usually don't put them in a set (only with other photos from the same photoshoot maybe). They're obviously well-balanced color-wise and high in quality, but they're just very individual and don't really need any addition in the form of other photos. This point also applies to the previous one (textures, in case you forgot); for example, a bunch of blueberries creates a nice texture, however it might be difficult to pair them with other photos. They have enough personality on their own (and this is not meant in a bad way to the photos I do use).

Related to this, you're looking for a story. Usually, if a photo gives off a certain vibe, tells a story, or just leaves any kind of strong impression, it might be a good indication that this is a good photo to use (given all the other rules as well, of course).

The main themes I search for are:

cities, villages, or abandoned places

related to that — architecture or only parts (details) of it

nature, specifically forests with either road or a body of water nearby, beaches, deserts and so on. plus points for tiny people in the distance

animals, usually with the addition of maybe the texture of a sweater sleeve or some blankets, something of that sort

people, my favorite kind is people turned away from the camera with an interesting background, because by them not having a face, they become a bit more relatable in a sense?

people in a river or some kind of water

museums, sculptures

etc.

Usually, I tend to avoid:

photos with text in it (though as an exception I would mention neon signs or letters/words that are for example above shops, on books, etc.)

heavily filtered pictures

photos with very specific (often bold) colors in them, unless you find multiple photos with that same shade. this again distracts the eye too much

GIFs, animated pictures, illustrations/drawings. also, don't use collages (cause you are creating a collage, duh)

black & white pictures

blurred pictures (or those that are purposely grainy — that goes back to the filters above)

anything obviously photoshopped

When trying to figure out where to put each photo

Squint your eyes. The photos should create a nice harmony, there shouldn't be a corner where it gets too light or dark or where some textures blend together, for example, if using multiple flower patterns, try to place them in different corners.

When to know your aesthetic is done

Actually even before you start, you should be in the mood. I have to admit, there have been times where I've felt pressured into making aesthetics, and now, looking back at them, I'm really ashamed of them. That is why I don't always post aesthetics as soon as I get them requested because I genuinely want them to look good.

Sometimes, it helps to not post the aesthetic straight away but to come back to it later with a fresh look. I'd say go with your gut. You should have a good, satisfying feeling about the aesthetic.

Last note

Rules are meant to be broken. Look at the aesthetic below. I used a minimalistic illustration (two birds with one stone I guess) (and admittedly, that one picture does stand out) and yet the aesthetic still came out pretty nice. So, just play around with your ideas and see what you like the most! I'm just a random person on the internet, you literally don't have to listen to any of the tips I gave you here today.

I know this might seem like a lot (honestly, if you've read this entire thing, you're crazy), but it gets easier and easier with practice, soon you won't even think about it.

Hopefully these tips will help you and please let me know if you decide to make any aesthetics. I would love to see them!! <3

#does anyone even care #this post makes me feel like i forgot how to write in english #also #i was thinking we might do this thing where I like... rate your aesthetics? #idk am I being too confident LMAOOOO #oh well #aesthetic #aesthetics #aesthetic masterpost #masterpost #how to #how i create aesthetics #how to create an aessthetic #aesthetic tips #aesthetic advice #collage #collage art #zodiac #astrology

[thebookreader12345]

750 Followers Celebration - Q&A

Thank you so much for supporting me through this journey! You guys don't know how much this means to me. Every single one of you is amazing.

Below the cut are my answers to the questions that you all submitted.

Q: Do you think Jay is going to become Sergeant this season? A: There has been a lot of debate over this question because of the past few seasons and all of the "Easter eggs", like the sergeant exam poster hanging in the background of the show. In my opinion, I do not believe Jay will become Sergeant. Yet. I think it won't be until the beginning of next season because, if this is a possible storyline, I would expect that the producers and writers would make the finale of season 9 about Voight stepping down/getting promoted, etc.

Q: Did Chicago Justice deserve more episodes? A: I'm sort of split with this question. I loved the fact that there was a big episode involving Kevin, and they always included people from Med, Fire, and PD in some of the episodes. However, the whole plot of the episodes was kind of slow because it wasn't like they were police officers and could go out and chase suspects and arrest people and what not. Their job was just to gather the evidence and then present it in court. I think for many, the show fell flat because there wasn't much action, and part of me does agree with that, but the whole idea of the show itself was kind of cool.

Q: What would make you stop watching each Chicago show? A: This is a tough question because I've only ever dropped one show that I can think of, and it was only because the plotline got really dumb. Maybe if some major characters died in each show I'd stop watching it? But then again, I love the One Chicago universe so much that I don't think even that would stop me from watching. So yeah. I really don't know.

Q: Do you believe in magic? A: As much as I would love for magic to be real, I don't believe it is. But I feel like everyone thinks that way. Cause lets be honest, Harry Potter and Disney make magic look so cool. However, we all know deep down somewhere that it's almost impossible for certain things to be real, and magic just so happens to be one of them.

Q: Are you superstitious? A: I'm not the most superstitious person out there, but I do somewhat follow a few superstitions. Whenever I find a penny on the ground with heads facing up, I pick it up because I believe I'll get good luck. Doing the whole "fingers crossed" thing is something I do a lot. I believe you shouldn't open an umbrella in the house or else you'll receive bad luck. Broken mirrors are bad omens. Those are the top 4 I believe in, but other than that, I'm not really too superstitious.

Q: Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? A: I mean, I would hope so. I appreciate my level of smarts, and whenever my friends acknowledge them or compliment me on them it makes my day. However, with that, people think that I'm always only doing things to boost my intelligence. For example, I love to read. So whenever I say that I didn't do much over the weekend, people always assume that I read a bunch, when I really didn't. Or that I always study for tests or do homework like a week before it's do. That is not the case. But for the most part, I believe my perception of myself is the same as how other people perceive me.

Q: Who is your favorite couple on each One Chicago show? A: Okay, so for Med, there aren't really any couples at the moment besides Maggie and Ben, whom I love but they aren't my favorite, so I'm gonna pick a past couple. When I first started Med, Manstead was my prime ship, so I'll choose them. Will had been pining after Natalie for so long so I was glad when they finally got together. For Fire, it's gotta be Kelly and Stella. They were literally made for each other, and they support each other with everything. Also, they are so cute together and all of Firehouse 51 ships them as well! And for PD, while I do love Burzek, Upstead is my favorite ship at the moment. I've seen the connection between Hailey and Jay since season 5. You don't understand how angry I was in season 7 when Hailey was so close to confessing her feelings. So season 8 made me very happy when Jay and Hailey finally got together.

Q: Jay and Lindsey or Jay and Hailey? A: I respect everyone's opinions on this matter, so hopefully you all respect mine. I thought that Erin was almost toxic in a way for Jay. She continuously broke his heart when all he wanted to do was help him. But what really does it for me is that she left Chicago without telling him goodbye. Hailey, on the other hand, has pushed Jay to seek out help when he needed it, like when she recommended he take seeing a therapist seriously to help with his PTSD, and she is always there for him, no matter what. That's why I believe Hailey and Jay are the better pairing.

Q: Which character death got to you the most? A: There have been too many sad deaths in the One Chicago world. But if I had to pick one, I've gotta go with Otis on Chicago Fire. Otis was always one of my favorite characters, even way back when I watched Fire with my dad when it was first coming out. He was witty and funny, and his friendship with Cruz was everything. So, when I watched the episode where he died, I was full on balling. I had to pause the episode for 10 minutes because I couldn't stop.

Q: Who is your favorite character on each show and why? A: I'm gonna do favorite male and female character because I've got too many favorites from each show. On Med, my favorites are Will and Natalie. Will has been my favorite since day one, and I like that he will go out of his way to help patients, even if it means he could get in serious trouble. Natalie, even though she's not in the show, always pushes for the best of care for her patients, and whenever she dealt with kids it was always the sweetest thing. On Fire, I like Kelly and Sylvie. Kelly is so headstrong and driven, and he will do anything to protect the other members of Squad 3. Sylvie is such a hard worker and you can tell she is passionate about her job. I feel so bad that she's had to go through so many partners. On PD I love Jay and Hailey. Jay has not always been my favorite male character. Back when I watched the show for the first time, I adored Adam. However, I love that Jay has such good morals and is always pushing to do the right thing even when Voight disagreed. Now, it took a few episodes for me to warm up to Hailey, but after seeing her be so badass, it was hard not to like her.

Q: Where do you get inspiration for your stories?/How do you get inspiration when there's not a request? A: This question is always hard to answer because I really don't know. Most of the time I'm fulfilling requests sent in by you guys and I just write what comes to the top of my mind. If there are requests that are not requested and I come up with them on my own, chances are I saw the plot somewhere else, like in a book or show or movie, and I just tweaked it a bit to fit the One Chicago universe. Either that happens, or while I'm trying to fall asleep, I make up random scenarios in my head, and if I find one that I really like, I'll make a note of it on my phone so I don't forget it, and then I'll write about it.

Q: Do you think Brett and Casey are endgame? Why or why not? A: I'm gonna go with yes on this one. Now, Brettsey is not one of my top ships in the universe. However, they are cute together, and I've been expecting them to get together for a while. The two of them, even when Gabby was around, had a great relationship and always cared for each other. Plus, Matt jumped out of a firetruck to go help Sylvie when the ambulance flipped. He was willing to risk an injury just to make sure she was okay. And now that they are officially together in Chicago Fire, you can see that they really love and care for each other.

Q: What inspired you to start writing? A: I always seem to get this question whenever I do a q&a, but that's okay because I don't mind talking about it. I first got into stuff like this as a reader. Basically, I went on to Wattpad and Tumblr to read other people's stories. I had no intention of creating my own. And then, one day, I started imagining myself in some of the fandoms I was apart of, and I thought, "If I'm imagining myself in these fandoms, chances are others are too," and I began creating stories that followed the plots of movies and shows exactly, just adding Y/n in it. However, that got tiring after a while because I wasn't able to have much freedom because I was following a set script, and that's when I remembered I had a Tumblr account I never used. So, I revamped my account just a little bit and started posting story ideas I had that I couldn't post on Wattpad because either they didn't fit with the stories or they were for someone I didn't write for on Wattpad. And now, here we are. For anyone interested, I've posted this before but I'll post it again, my Wattpad handle is @Writer_Reader05.

Q: Jay or Will Halstead? A: I'm sorry, but I really can't choose between the two of them. I love them both so much. Will and Jay are two of my favorite characters in the whole One Chicago universe. While they do have some qualities that I'm not the fondest of, at the end of the day, I adore the both of them, and I could never choose between them.

Q: Who would you rather date: Jay or Will Halstead? A: Why do you guys do this to me? I love them both so much! But, if I have to choose, I'm gonna pick Jay. The only reason is because I like the characters in PD more than Med, so if I'm dating Jay, chances are I'm friends with Hailey and Adam and all of Intelligence. Will is just as awesome as Jay though and I feel like sometimes people sleep on that.

Q: Which of the requested fics you’ve written is your favorite? A: I think I'm gonna have to go with a Jay Halstead x reader I wrote titled Two Becomes Three. Something about the plot just makes me smile. And to think of Jay being a father......So yeah, while I have so many amazing requested fics thanks to you all, that one has to be one of my favorites.

Q: What’s your favorite series you’ve written so far? A: I love all of the series I have written. Something about creating a whole story that's more than just one part is always fun. If I have to pick one series, I'm gonna pick On the Loose. It was the first series I wrote on Tumblr and the plot of it is something I'm really proud of. However, From the Big Apple to the Windy City, Identity Loss, and Difference of Opinion are all amazing! The first two are finished series and the last one still has a few chapters left to go. Go check them out if you haven't already.

Q: What's your favorite imagine you've come up with and why? A: I don't have a lot of fics that are solely my ideas. Most of my stories have plots that were sent in by you all. However, if I had to pick a favorite out of my stories, it'd be Back Home for Christmas, a Halstead Sister fic I released when I was somewhat new to the platform. Something about writing sibling fics always makes me happy because I get to express the familial side to the characters.

Q: If you had to be roommates with 5 of your mutuals/fellow writers, who would you pick and why? A: I love all of my fellow writers/mutuals so much! I know how much work we put into whatever we post, and most of us are very active on this site. As for who I would pick to be my roommates, I'd choose @hereforhalstead @fighterkimburgess @halsteadlover @resanoona @sylviebrettsey because I feel like we'd all have great conversations, mainly over One Chicago. And every Wednesday night we'd all watch the episodes live together and experience them as a group and then freak out over what happened..........Now watch me fantasize about this all day.

Q: Do you listen to music when you write? A: It depends. On some days when I plan that I'm gonna write, then yes, I do put on some music. When there are days that I have a few minutes to spare, I don't put on music just because I'm only writing for a few minutes and I don't want to waste time. But mostly when I'm writing I do play music in the background.

Q: Do you know how your fics/stories end before you finish writing it? A: This is a really interesting question. The answer is no, I do not know how I'm gonna end a fic before I finish writing it. The only story I had a set ending for was my series On the Loose, but that one wasn't even fully planned out until I got a chapter or two in. Obviously, if I get a request that includes a set ending, like two characters get together or something like that, then I know what the ending will be. Otherwise, I have no clue.

Q: Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? A: You know, I can't say that I have. Everyone is different in their own way, and that's what makes us all unique. I would imagine if I did meet someone with a similar personality we'd get along because we'd basically be a carbon copy of each other, but who knows. Maybe our similar personalities would cause us to clash.

Q: Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? A: Not really. I know myself more than anyone else so I know what my limits are and when I've reached them. With people, on the other hand, I always feel like they can be doing more with themselves and their lives. So I do not hold myself to higher standards than others.

Thank you to all of you who sent in questions! I never thought I'd reach 750 followers on this platform. The only reason I have is all thanks to you wonderful people out there!

@winterberryfox @maximeevansblog @scarletsoldierrr @i-like-sparkly-things @dreamingmanip @soph0864 @ryliegh8 @lorenakaspersen @wanniiieeee @nevertoofarfromivar @securityfriendly-jay @pinkbay-love @stephie123

#one chicago #q&a time #q&a session #question and answer #750 followers

[kindnessisweakness2]

{DELUSIONAL- PART 3}

*gif not mine, just thought it was insanely cute*

Delaney rushed into the office, red faced. "Sorry Gem. I overslept. All the things you texted me to get are in my car, I have the girls unloading it now." Gemma could see straight though delaney's lie. The bags under her eyes showed the young girl was anything but well rested. Gemma noticed the little things about people. People's body language showed more than what they wanted it to. More than what people are willing to say. You can find out alot about a person my observing them, their mannerisms, their characteristics. What makes them tick. What's going on on the inside. You had to read between the lines with Delaney. She would never outright say when things were upsetting her. She was always too worried about other people to bother them with her own problems. Gemma could tell just by looking at her that something was eating at her. For example the sky blue nail polish was extremely chipped, Delaney's usually long nails were bitten down nearly to the nub. It was her worst habit. Gemma knew she only did it when she was stressed or worried. Or even the fact she didn't have a stroke of make up in her face pointed out something was wrong with the girl. Delaney was naturally beautiful. She didn't need make up but she was never seen without it. She portrayed herself as so put together, and usually seemed so strong but something was breaking Delaney and Gemma was going to find out what it is.

A couple of hours Later Delaney was finally done laying the table of finger food in the club house. These boys could eat as much as they drink. "Hey D" Delaney spun around a massive grin spreading on her face. "Your home!!" Her arms wound tightly around Jax's torso, pulling him into a tight hug. In that moment she finally felt safe for the first time in weeks. She felt like she could finally take a breath without drowning in panic. She didn't want to let him go but she had to. "How was Nevada? Jury all good up there?" Delaney sat next to Jax at the bar and for the first time in a while the wide smile on her face reached her eyes.

Gemma watched as Delaney and jax sat catching up. It didn't take a genius to feel and see the chemistry between the pair. It's been like that since they met. Delaney moved to charming a few months after Tara left and the impact she had on jax was massive. She made him smile again, laugh again. Made him realise that life could go on without her when he couldn't see it. Delaney picked Jax up and made him whole when her world was being torn apart. Gemma quickly became fond of her because despite what people told her about samcro Delaney never treated any of them any different. She didn't pry into club business when she overheard bits of information around the garage and She never asked questions. She got hired for the office job and was soon accepted into the fold. She was privy to things many people wasn't and she was trusted by everyone. Jax quickly became protective over Delaney. That's why when she was having trouble with her shithead boyfriend Alex it had to be Gemma and Unser who helped her. Jax still doesn't know what happened to this day and he can't. Jax would kill Alex without a second thought and would still be serving time in Stockton. Gemma couldn't let that happen.

By 10 o'clock the party was in full swing. Delaney was behind the bar as usual, laughing with half sack and juice. "I'm sorry sack but that's the worst pick up line I've ever heard". Delaney patted him on the shoulder before moving to serve Jax a drink. "You need to teach that boy some of your sexy charm. Hes never gonna get laid on his own." Still giggling at the cheesy line sack tried to work on her she poured Jax a whiskey. "You think I'm sexy?" Jax chuckled as she went red. "Those words never left my mouth Teller". Shaking her head Delaney put the bottle of Jack on the bar. "Well you must do something right with the ladies or are they just fucking you because your the Prince of charming?" Delaney rolled her eyes as jax seemed to be enjoying this abit too much. Leaning over the bar Jax kissed her cheek and winked at her "wouldn't you like to know darlin" Delaney shook her head as he sauntered away towards Opie. Cheeky fucker. Truth is she would. She would love to know how people just fall at his feet. She was one of his many victims who would give anything for a relationship with the 'prince'. Except while others want Jaxon Teller the vice president of Samcro. Delaney wanted Jaxon Teller the goofball who was rubbish at video games and snored softly when he slept. The idiot who set his mom's kitchen on fire when he tried to make her breakfast when she was sad. The man who skipped club parties and women who would do anything he asked them to sit in her front room in star wars pyjamas and eat pizza. The soft side to Jax teller that people were not lucky enough to see was the only side of him she knew. And that made her love him more.

Delaney sighed as the party started to die down. Various club members went off with women, some passed out on the sofas not capable of making it to the forms and some went home early eith their old ladies. The funniest of the bunch however was Tig, Who was passed out on top of the pool table face burried in a croweaters chest. Delaney started to clean up the bar feeling sick to her stomach at the thought of going home. Would he be there waiting for her? Would he watch her again? Would he try to get in this time? What if--? "Hey you ok?" Gemmas voice cut her thoughts short. "Y-yeah I'm fine" Delaney forced a smile. "C-can I sleep here tonight? In the spare dorm? Too tired to drive home" Gemmas eyebrows lifted in speculation. Delaney fiddled with the glass in her hands nervously as she waited for Gemma to speak. "Sure baby I'll get you some clean sheets." Delaney could of cried in relief as she turned away but froze as Gemma spoke again. "I know something's bothering you. I know something's wrong and your scared. I wont force you to tell me what it is right now." Locking eyes with Gemma, Delaney felt like a small kid caught in a lie. "But you will tell me. Eventually it'll all become too much and you'll have to. Secrets aren't good baby. They get people hurt." Nodding her head Delaney turned to put the glass down as Gemma walked away.

The last thing Delaney wanted to do was hurt anyone. This was her problem. She needed to deal with it. But she didn't know how much more she could take. How much longer can she cope with this stress and live in fear?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

And that's it guys!! Part 3 is up! I'm loving how this is coming along. As usual feedback and advice always welcome. Part 4 coming soon!

So what do you guys think Delaney should do? Tell Gemma Or keep it secret? Let me know what you think!!

Love to you all, stay safe! 🍃

#sons of anarchy #soa imagine #jax teller x reader #jax teller #soa fanfiction

[beclynn-herondale]

hi!

hope you are well ❤ and i hope it's fine if i talk about robert adopting jace!

since this is totally related to robert's homophobic behaviour i'll have to mention it, take this as a trigger/content warning to anyone who may need it! (you probably know a lot about it already but i guess many people don't actually understand robert's side, and not sure if i even need to say it, but everything next is canon or based in canon information, i'm not making up anything) so here's my analysis:

so first i'll mention the basics: robert adopted jace (as jonathan wayland, michael's child) because of what he did to michael in the past. what exactly does that mean? he was trying to compensate what he did to michael. and how this compensation works? helping michael after his death?

something kinda obvious i guess is that robert felt miserable most of the time, for multiple reasons combined. one of them being his intense self-loathing/none self-steem, also caused for multiple reasons. for most of his life robert was ashamed for.. existing, basically, i mean he really was extremely ashamed of himself in general. another reason, more specifical, was michael. i won't explain the effects of a dead parabatai to a shadowhunter, but in was mentioned in later books how the life-death separation of robert and michael devastaded both of them, and that's just the parabatai part. along with their other complications, it was all very harmful, and robert is shown getting triggered under mention of michael.

now there's something one needs to understand so they can understand 1) robert's self-loathing over michael and 2) robert hoped adopting michael's son would "redeem"/"forgive" him?

see, on robert's opinion, homophobia is unforgivable. really.

nobody ever lectured or told him this. that's his actual opinion on homophobia. and that was his opinion on the matter years before alec was born or any shadowhunter close to robert cared about it. when robert was a 80's teenager, he thought it was unforgivable, and he kept thinking that through the years. this is important 'cause it's a impression of mine that a lot of people think robert was actually anti gay people and then changed his beliefs for alec's sake, and this is absolutely incorrect. robert knew that discriminating people for their sexuality was wrong — and he hated himself for doing it to michael (and afterwards to alec, but then it was mostly a misunderstanding)

said that, we know michael was something like a ugly open wound in robert. because, as i mentioned, they missed each other, and robert had to cope with the fact that he was horrible to michael and he knew what he did was horrible, and he just had to live thinking of himself as trash. michael was a extremely sensive topic and thinking about him hurt too much. that's how alec and isabelle ended up taking many years to find out robert had a parabatai, because robert never even mentioned michael. they only found out who michael was because of jace's adoption.

now i'm getting close to the point. robert didn't want anything to ever remind him of michael, because it hurt too much (that was the main reason he didn't react well to alec's relationship with magnus!!!!! his children took a decade to find out michael even existed!!!!). and that's why i can't agree with the idea that robert only adopted jace to feel better with himself.

obviously valentine can't really be trusted as a source of information, but he was probably who best knew robert after michael, and his entire plan relied on robert taking jace in for michael. now, according to him, he knew robert would do that for michael. and how could him be so sure? robert had to actually fight maryse to adopt jace, and valentine trusted he would do it over michael. valentine thought very low of robert, so that's really something.

if robert only wanted to feel better about himself, adopting jace wouldn't make any sense to him, first because, well, robert's self-loathing is deeper than that (and he would know it better than anyone), but i know people in pain don't always act logical and robert is a great example of this so, second, as i showed, michael is a big emotional trigger to robert and he gets very upset about. we don't know how much and how often robert and maryse got agressive with each other, but their fights about adopting michael's child envolved a lot of shouting, and this is not the only context we see robert getting upset over michael.

(as if this wasn't evidence enough, in the wicked ones we are directly informed that all of robert agressive and permanently triggered and dangerous vibes are nothing more than hurt over michael. that's really something)

if thinking of michael was so triggering to robert at the point he hurts people - and people he love (maryse, alec) over it, how adopting michael's son and taking care of him with his presence as a permanent reminder of michael (and that michael was gone) would make robert feel better with himself? and, even more: he wouldn't expect jace to look like michael, as he did expect. if he was thinking mostly about himself, he would be satisfied finding out jace's looks don't remind him of michael, but instead he was awkward and got worried about how jace was feeling.

so what was this about? robert says he was trying to compensate for what he did, as according to cassie, "awkwardly and painfully trying to convey that he loved michael." and yeah, doing something good to michael would make robert feel better, because he loved michael and doing good things to michael makes sense to him. robert never expected what he did to michael to be forgiven, but he did want to demonstrate that he loved michael and that he could be better than that - better than what he had done - for the people he loved.

that was a ride, sorry any mistakes (not native english speaker) and i hope you like these observations, since i understood you liked my last robert analysis

xoxo, thank you for your attention 💓

Hello again, flower

I'm hanging in there 😎

Sorry it took me a bit to answer

I actually got a new perspective on Robert from this. And I love the way you explained this. I don't have too much to add, but a little.

I do agree that he wasn't as homophobic as some might think. He was afraid of what other people would think, and in which case, did end up kind of being that way.

I think if Robert hadn't been so afraid of what people would have said, (I do think the trauma he had with the rune played part in this. As he didn't want to have something else people felt he should be ashamed of), I think he would have actually accepted Michael. It was a very complicated situation and it was cringe a little to, but there's so much to unpack there. And I do believe there's always at least two sides to a story. We know he was a little homophobic with Alec, but he acknowledged it and started changing his ways, which is all you can ask for in this case. I appreciate him trying to change and be better, as I am a sucker for redemption and growth and change. Sometimes change is all that can be done. It won't erase the hurt that was caused but it does mean there won't be anymore hurt done, and I think that's what matters.

Also, the stuff with Jace I very much agree with. but I think it also left Jace feeling like the only reason they took him in was because they thought he was Michael's son, we know that isn't actually true and they love Jace for Jace. I think itleft Jace struggling a little bit though. But in TDA it kinda seemed like him and Robert had somewhat of an improved relationship, as Jace said that Robert had mellowed out a lot since he had become a grandfather, and he wasn't so bad. I do think Robert was fond of his children he just didn't express it openly with them. We do however see him doing it with his grandchildren, everytime he called Max, his M & M, I thought it was precious.

And I fully believe he apologized to Michael in the afterlife and they are hanging out, and taking care of Max. I also believe he tells the other Circle members there about TMI Gang. Mostly about his kids.

This is also a stretch but I think they Robert and Jace could have bonded over their experiences with runes. Jace didn't have the same experience as Robert, but we Valentine marked Jace early, and marking Nephilim children early gives them terrible nightmares. I think there could have been an understanding between them. But we know neither of them like to talk about their trauma. And definitely don't like to talk about their feelings lol.

Hope you are well 💛🧡

#tsc asks #robert lightwood #jace herondale #michael wayland #tsc #tmi #beau peeps 💛🧡

[voidcat]

– a case of bad luck

2. a deal (with the devil)

m.list ; prev ; next ; wc: 2.1k

a/n: society if i could w r i t e,,, anwyays i feel im making mafia dazai ooc? i hope not, ive just began the light novels dsfdg uh yea i'll probs update once a week (depends on how often i can write)

Insisting he leaves you off at the station, you let out a breath of relief for the first time in hours. Unsure he may still be following, you change directions few times, walk fast and use shortcuts only locals of the neighbourhoods know to get him off your track. Just in case.

The next day he doesn’t show up, neither does he the day after. Not knowing how to feel or what to think about this, because there is no way he will let you slide off this easily, you do your best to resist the relief.

And soon later, it blurs back in your head, like smoke dissolving, like a bad dream.

But the unease never leaves. Neither does the feeling of being watched.

Then one lunch break, your eyes get fixed on a spot by the sidewalk and you can swear it’s the same clothes, the bandages, the posture and the look and everything crashes down back on you again. You do your best to linger and change directions as many times as you can on the way home that evening. Nothing goes wrong that night, or the day after or the day after that. If the false of sense peace were to go for few more days, you think you’ll forget all that happened again, too focused on school or whatever your friends recently bringing up.

A bell to mark the school hours ending, walking outside, caught up in whatever you’re discussing and he just stands there, like it’s nothing, like he belongs to his peer group, missing some of the bandages you saw on his face before, clothes not sticking out like you thought they would.

He stands there and smiles your way.

You think, you’ve never wanted to punch someone in your life as you do in this very moment. Just to erase that smile off his face.

In your view, he only gets bigger with each step, the flock of students you’re stuck in only walking towards where he waits and you look around for a way to sneak out but nada! Nothing! And your friends have grown suspiciously quieter than the usual. Stealing glances from one another and from you, the snicker like they’re sharing this little surprise for you.

Shorter than calculated, you find yourself standing right in front of him.

No words on his end and the expecting looks on you make the air tense.

“Hi… Dazai!” You say at one point, fake enthusiasm clear, not that they seem to mind nor realize. “What brings you here?”

“I was just in the city as you see. And decided, what better time to surprise an old friend than now?” The smile vanishes for a moment, the forced school play act making you want to roll your eyes but he puts a hand on your shoulder suddenly, you wince and shake his hand off, and he continues. “So, have you got the time to show me around and catch up?”

“Do I have a choice?” Followed by a dry laugh, you look back to your friends who only seem satisfied, makes you wonder what kind of lie he sold before he got here. His smile grows wider in reply.

You sigh and start to walk by his side, taking a step a second later than him to keep a distance and to see where you’re headed.

“What did you tell them exactly?” your curiosity takes the best of you as you reach a traffic light.

A little ‘huh?’ coming from him, he turns back to glance at you, the sun behind his head makes his height apparent. The short lived look of asking he gives you dies as he tilts his head “I only told them a cliché story, assumed they’d fall for cheesy scenarios such as that.”

Red turns green.

You take a step by his side, no more following behind. “Which is?..”

“That we were old friends with a shared history of potential intimacy and I wanted to take you out now that we are back together again!” He says it like it’s so usual.

The two of you reach the pavement and continue to walk, never faltering.

Letting your eyes linger on him for a while, you turn your gaze back on the streets as the sense of familiarity begins to vanish. “I didn’t take you for the romcom type.” You say at last as you stop.

“I’m not.” He doesn’t spare a glance this time. “I just know someone who likes them.”

The number of people around decrease with each step, the air gets colder –maybe it’s your nerves. The light starts to fade and not a word has been spoken for quite some time. Not that either of you were dying for some get-to-one-another.

When he speaks again, you don’t hear it at first. “Your ability-”

You halt with a stomp of your foot. “I don’t have one.”

He narrows his eyes in annoyance, “Your ability must be based on some form of speech, as Akutagawa served a good example that night.”

The name barely rings a bell in your memory.

“Question is, what kind of speech it requires? Does it rhyme, should commands work, shall it be sang, like a siren?”

“These are all excellent questions, except for one big missing piece…” you answer. The mention of something missing seems to get his attention. “…That I do not have an ability.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he huffs, the ever growing annoyance levels can tell alone you’re pushing the little bit of luck you have.

“Then how did Akutagawa pass out exactly?” hands back under his coat.

“There was blood on him? Maybe he’s sick? He definitely looked the part.” You say as more of a suggestion than an answer.

“The men inside the building. The one with his internal organs out.” Words get colder with each breathe.

Yours fade as his grow colder, “Maybe the other captured guy did it?”

“You don’t sound sure, weren’t you right next to him?” suspicion of a knowing parent hinted in his voice almost, he already must’ve figured it all out that night.

“I…” the pavement looks gray, stones crooked, countless fights must’ve gone through here before.

“I don’t know.” From the edge that connects the floor to the walls, you try inspecting each dull color behind the lifeless filter, not acknowledging him standing there doesn’t feel any safer but it’s preferable to those eyes.

His lips don’t move but the ‘You don’t know?’ is heavy in the air.

“I don’t know! I don’t remember!” someone’s yelling reaches your ears. “I just!-“

The yelling was yours, your arms fall back, go back up and you hold yourself, “I was… singing? To calm down… And the rest is just a blur.”

When you look up, he looks as disinterested. You consider yelling, asking for an explanation, what he’s thinking; it’s not that hard to piece it all, you think, but this demeanor rubs you the wrong way. The longer the silence goes, the eerier it becomes, the emptiness of the alley you’re standing in stands out. The lack of people, noise, light, it’d almost crash down on you if it wasn’t soin the open ever since he showed up.

“The words you spoke to Akutagawa. Are they from a song?”

“The ‘go to sleep’ you mean?” you finger quote the lyric, “it’s from Beach Life In-“ you stop with a shake of your head, “it’s from a song, yes.”

When you look again, it feels like an adult waiting for a child to connect the dots in front of them, like you’re the only one in the world who hasn’t figured it out already.

“But it makes no sense.” Hands on hips, eyes focused on a pebble near your foot, “I mean- it’s not like I haven’t sung before?” You turn then, start to pace, a hand on your forehead to push back the few strands brushing against your forehead.

It starts to warm up, or feels like it, each strand of hair just there, existing, leaving its weight on you, tickling, annoying, bothering; suffocating-

He cannot be right, can he?

Sure, self-awareness can change for each person but something so important as an ability shouldn’t be missed that easily… being a stranger to yourself when a stranger figured it out in mere seconds- it’s ridiculous, it simply doesn’t make sense, he must be wrong or confuse you with someone else, how can it be that bad, how can my perception be that bad, what else did I miss if all this is true and happening-

“Despite how the Port Mafia appears,” his voice pulls you out of your head, “ability users is not such a common occurrence. And surely the ability to affect your surroundings, or make people act certain ways is one we cannot let go of.”

I should drink some water, a part of you says when you gulp at his implications, ‘we cannot let go’ just gets out of his mouth and stays right in front of you, in bold jet black letters.

“What you should ask yourself is if you felt anything during all these times of singing…” silence feels enough of an answer, hyped up or not there isn’t much to feel, much to wish for. “Or if the words you snag back then were for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” “What did you feel that night?”

“Typical fight or flight response? Adrenaline, instinct to survive?”

“Stop assuming and start being more confident.” (like that night) a part of you yells, in his voice, though his is devoid of any emotion. You don’t want to learn how he sounds when he yells.

“I wanted to get out.” You try again. “Not to survive but to avoid death or whatever was awaiting me until that.” Sounds more like you, you straighten your back. “I didn’t want to stay any longer to see what they’d do to me so I found a way out.” He almost seems pleasant to hear the change in you, maybe it’s time to surprise him a little more.

“So let’s say,” you start pacing again, less like rambling and more like an animal circling, not a prey but a threat, because that’s what he is, what he has been and will be, “that I have an ability that I can use only when my emotional capacity is at a certain level… why would a mafia executive want me to have a better understanding of it?”

The radius decreasing with each step, you end your steps right in front of his face “what makes you think I won’t use it, right now, on you?” each pause between the words to make it clear this is a threat, no more of the power balance he held over you for too long. Your back to the beginning of the alley, you’re ready, in case he is one of them –if not, he might still have a gun.

He doesn’t falter, not a hair on him moves. Until he chuckles, at you and your words.

The vibration in his voice, nor the laughter reach his eyes.

“There are quite a few reasons why this won’t do, like how you cannot use it.”

The confidence in his voice makes the truth more unbearable.

“And besides, even if you managed to use it, it wouldn’t take me long to stop you.”

“Are you that fast?”

“Are you?”

This marks the end of it, as much as it pains to admit he is right, a part of you doesn’t want it, doesn’t feel the same sense of danger and survival to run away.

And regardless of all the threat he possesses, he doesn’t seem all too willing to get rid of you.

Rolling your eyes, you turn and walk away to the blinking store lights from the street. A second set of footsteps catch up to you in few long strides.

“So what is this then? You’re going to help me use my ability and leave me in debt?” reaching the traffic lights, you step onto the road without batting an eye.

“Why would I agree to something like that?” the car drives by, almost brushing your back. The sun has begun to set already, the colors mixing together.

The wind carries away his words but you catch them just in time: “You have a family and a cat, don’t you?”

You stop and look up. “Not a cloud in sight. Was it a sign of a rainy day to follow?” ignore the implications, don’t think about the faces. “A cloudy day perhaps, I always mix up the tells of the sky.”

“I’ll be around.” And he leaves with that.

#bad luck.voidcat #i hope that was the tag oops</3 #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #gender neutral reader #reader insert #x reader #bsd x reader #bsd x you #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #bsd fanfic #dazai osamu fanfic #dazai osamu fanfiction #dazai fanfiction #dazai x reader #dazai x you #bungou stray dogs fanfiction #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x you #im too lazy to think of tags... again