#not that i dont like neuro i love the research that i do for my JOB

[seabrrd]

on one hand I love biology on the other hand part of me wishes I'd gone into geology so I could do paleontology research for a living

#dalton.txt #im too far gone bc i went into a specialized bio field (neuroscience) so like a lot of my courses dont apply widely #unless i veer into genetics or development or cogsci #i think evolutionary bio is the closest ill get to a field which i love love #not that i dont like neuro i love the research that i do for my JOB #but for uni requirements? not so much that shits stressful

[mintyvoid]

so i bought and have now recived my anti planner, and while i imagine a bunch of the tools wont do anything- im hoping something helps. And ill try to speak up if anything does.

For some context i suppose if you dont regularly read my depressed rants, i was diagnosised autistic in 2020 but had been in therapy on and off since 2010 for anxiety and depression. I found a majority of resources not helpful or treading over ground ive already done years into- when I started researching 'okay so im autistic what the fuck do i do now, how do i get better'.

(I just keep ranting how shit doesnt seem to want to work for me below)

Most likely cause of all the years ive done work on myself, i am very self aware and quite good at communicating how im feeling. But found that none of the tools I learned helped long term or even enough to better my quality of life(now knowing this was because all those tools help people without a neuro disability, they simply were never going to work).

I've also found that a lot of the resources out there, include this book, are catered towards those with adhd, which while having a lot of simularities to autism- they are not the same. And though I had previously thought i was adhd, im like pretty sure this isnt the case(like in terms of a duo adhd n autism diag). So a lot of the stuff i end up finding /also/ doesn't work.

Though i cant reaally tell if its due to the autism or depression. A good example is the 'trick your brain' angle i see abundantly. To do things like 'set a timer to create a deadline or force panic' or similar time constrainted things simply dont work. I can feel incredible stress to complete something from a deadline or disappointed friend or angry manager and it do little to nothing to motivate me to do the actual thing. If i dont want to do something(or even if i want to do something but my brain for whatever reason doesnt let me), it doesnt happen- concequnce be damned.

I can break tasks into smaller chunks for days, but if i cant get up or move my arm to start said small task then it doesnt really matter does it? The one thing i can do is organize lol, but its the one thing that i see the most as advice- which is totally understandable as its not something taught so a majority would lack the skill. I was really lucky to seek help when i did and to then get actually good advice. It's probs been the only moment where help and support did actually help my quality of life.

Most likely I wont see any improvement in my life till I either go back therapy(actually find someone who can help someone like me, probs needs to be on meds again too) or can afford to create an environment thats supportive of my needs...or more than likely a combo of the two lol. Neither of which i see happening as both need money and i cant work nor get much from my disability program and cant work enough on online stuff to make that my income.

As an aside, i do know that many if not most, have it worse than i do. And i often feel that i simply cant complain about my own situation because im have a loving family that supports me as much as they can, im no where near homelessness, im not bipoc or a trans person, i could technically work but i would only be able to just work(aka id have to give up doing what i ant for a living and went to school for and actually am passionate about, and honestly typical work stresses and sucks so much energy out of me ugh id probs just burn out again n quit). I dont feel i can ask for money or support when there are others i feel need it way more than i do.

And i absolutely hate that what i have isnt enough, and that fact is also why i feel i cant vent. Srry this kinda went off the deep end.

#minty rambles #autism #vent #rant #srry this kinda escaped from me a bit

[shattered-catalyst]

Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

 Whomst can write it? 

Literally anyone as long as you 

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives 

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here* 

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD? 

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective. 

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical 

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

 ● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD. 

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly 

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum 

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it. 

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts 

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC 

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

 4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed 

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD. 

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts: 

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far. 

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples. 

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc 

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought. 

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions. 

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them. 

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form. 

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else 

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain. 

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain. 

Again for clarity's sake 

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff 

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals 

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD 

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything. 

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks. 

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered. 

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience. 

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong. 

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. 

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

 It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds. 

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful; 

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses. 

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that... 

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars. 

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity. 

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture. 

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ; 

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD), 

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment. 

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations. 

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses. 

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that. 

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety! 

OCD according to NIMH statistics 

1.2% Occurrence among US adults 

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults 

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism 

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

 Cyclops (Marvel)

#this took a lot of emotional energy and i am now terrified

[rotatemp3]

you work as a nurse right? im thinking of becoming one bc i seriously cant find anything else to do bc my country is small and there're limited educations to choose from. but i dont know if i'll be a good one bc i honestly dont like illness and sad people but at the same time i want to make a difference and i think being a nurse in a ngo sounds interesting + im interested in health. but do you have any thoughts on whether one should become a nurse or not?

angel 💘 yes, i work as a nurse. it’s a rewarding job!!! and i am always happy to find out people want to become one because we always need more nurses. but i hope that you take the time to make your decision... i only say this because it’s a hard job. apart from it being a physically taxing job, it can also be emotionally taxing. the things that you can be confronted with on a day to day basis can really take a toll on you... and from experience working in a neuro ward, you have to come to terms with the fact that you’ll encounter death eventually... we have a lot of full nursing care patients which means you help the patient with EVERYTHING. you’ll also have patients who are unhappy with their care and you’ll have to deal with that too... but like you said you can also make a difference in someone’s life!!! it can be very rewarding too when you help someone get back on their feet. small things like brushing someone’s hair for them when they can’t can put a smile on someone’s face and it’s a nice feeling to know that you did that... i like what i do so i don’t mind the hard work if it means i am helping someone get better. with any job there are pros and cons you need to think about. but this is a job where you have someone’s life in your hands... so you need to think about if this is something you can handle. if your passion is helping others then i say go for it!!! but if not then it’s ok too... hopefully you’ll find the right job for you. but do some more research and maybe try volunteering at hospitals to get a closer look at what nursing is about? it’s just one of those jobs where you have to really love what you do. i hope this helps you!!! let me know if you have anymore question and i’d be happy to answer them!!! good luck!!!!!

#i see a lot of nurses that don’t really care about their job which is sad #because the people we help are already feeling vulnerable #so it’s also important to have compassion #im sorry if this wasn’t helpful... #but let me know if you want more information #or have any questions #im always happy to help !!! #also i know it seems like i talked about a lot of the bad points here #but it’s important to know #that it’s a very hard job #and you see a lot of confronting things... #and i don’t want to sugar coat anything for you #and give you a feel of how it really is or at least how it is for me... #it’s important to have a good support system in place too for when things at work get too much #there’s a lot of consider so i hope you take the time to think about it #best of luck !!! #i hope you make the right choice #anonymous #mail 💌

[lucidpantone]

Hey - u've mentioned ure in the tech field. Im a neuroscience student, 2nd year. It's not by choice, but my parents' want me to cont. the fam tradition of becoming a doc. I'm financially dependent on them and they've indirectly said they'd cut me off if I don't stick with their plan for me. I can only on what I'm passionate about, to be front end/full stack webdev, in my free time. So i wonder: if i have the skill, do u think i could eventually get become a webdev w/out a compsci degree etc?

similar anon: I'd love to hear more about your research "concerning etools and adaptive frameworks in stem education"! If you don't mind lol

Ohhh this is such an interesting question. So am gonna tailor it towards you but also for others. We all have choices and allowances we make in life and since your an adult now you have to make those choices and allowances. You can chose to fall in line now and not take on debt for school or pursue something your interested in and take on the debt without your parents help. Your very lucky that both your interest fall within extremely well paid fields so luckily any debt you take on the likelihood that you will score a nice salary towards paying it off is pretty high. I will say as a med-senior level engineer the tech field is becoming crazy oversaturated. For example we have a mid level position open on my team now and I think the vetting process is a bit extreme because we have so many candidates we need to find excuses to drop as many as possible. For junior positions its even worse. For a mid to senior role you get 5-10 solid candidates to interview for junior roles you get like 30plus and everyone is good at the junior level. I have been on the intern panels a few times and I look at these interns resumes and I am like jesus these kids have interned at like 3/4 places and at least one big four tech company. 

So serious question can you have an honest convo with your parents about why the title of “dr” matters to them so much? Because this clearly isnt about good pay engineers make large 6 figure salaries that are on par with medical doctors. So this isnt about money or financial potential this is clearly about this title and so I would be honest with them and ask them why they value this title so much? What is it saying about their pov? If you still cant get them over to your side or if your parents only give you a bit of freedom this is what I would do. The market for engineers is hard and all these bootcamps have basically made carbon copies of candidates. So to stand out. You need to use the one/two elective classes you have to get the fundamentals under you and I would use you university electives for that. So take java 101 (dont take python unless you want to become a fintech engineer), take data structures 101, and a decent math class (cal, trig anything with discrete math principles). During the summers you need to go to general assembly or some type of boot camp and get all your client side knowledge down js/react/css. If you can do this in parallel with you neuro stuff you will be set. Dont worry about a compsci degree because no one really cares about the degree if its stem adjacent most companies care about how you problem solve(Math skills), how you identify patterns (data structures) and how you handle data from the beginning of the pipeline to the end(technical engineering). You dont need school to learn all this btw but since your there use it to your advantage and take some compsci classes as electives. I hope this explanation helps dear and good luck. I hope you make some head way with your parents.

#lucidpantone anons #life stuff etc etc

[chronicillschronicpills]

so hey, i just found ur blog and tbh im really looking for any advice i can get on dealing with chronic pain and fatigue? i dont mean to be a bother sorry! im just slipping into hopelessness with some people and even doctors not taking me seriously. i have done hours and hours of research and i think my symptoms may line up with sjogren's? it's just so hard for someone to look at my symptoms (even though they have been worsening since october 2019) since absolutely nothing shows up in my tests.

Hey!

This is not a bother at all. Also sorry if this is a late reply, my Tumblr never notifies me when I get messages so I have to manually check! 

So to start off with, I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. It is truly horrible and I am sorry you have to deal with this. There is a massive problem with doctors not taking young people, especially women, seriously when it comes to pain and fatigue. It’s always ‘stress’ or ‘depression’ or ‘in your head’ and it’s just really infuriating. It’s a terrible place to be in. 

I think this is a really important post. Its going to be LONG. 

I’m going to first address the issues with doctors not taking you seriously. 

It took me 7 years to get a diagnosis. This is NOT unusual. In fact, I’m almost positive that the average diagnosis time period for someone with lupus is 6 years. My first piece of advice is SELF ADVOCATE. This sounds easier than it is and it takes a lot of practice. I used to just burst into tears if I was trying to explain anything to a doctor. It is easier to self-advocate when you are calm and are clear about what you are going to say. To help with that, I suggest KEEPING A JOURNAL of your symptoms and have all your medical records in order. Make it in depth. Before an appointment, WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT. This way, you won’t forget anything. I like to reverse in my head how it is going to go. You really have to TAKE CONTROL of the appointment. You are allowed to demand certain things. I had to demand a referral to a rheumatologist when one of my shit GP’s refused to. He ended up giving me one, and on my first appointment with the rheumatologist, I was diagnosed and put on medication. It is important to DO RESEARCH but not too much. Don’t let the doctors know that you’ve done too much or they will think you’re a hypochondriac or something, maybe hurt their ego, who knows. You need to have a GOOD GP. If you don’t like your current GP, find a new one. Do research on good GP’s in your area. Ask your friends and family about theirs. Also, the best indicator for a doctor to know where you are at in my experience is saying MY QUALITY OF LIFE IS POOR. Describing your symptoms in-depth and how they affect your day to day functioning is important. Lastly, I always think you should BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU. Bring someone you trust, someone who knows about your condition. This is useful because they can back up what you say, they are there for support, and a doctor is less likely to treat you like shit with someone else present. You should also brief the person who is coming with you about what you would like them to do in the appointment. Do you want them to just stay quiet, or would you like them to sometimes talk or want them to take control of the appointment? 

My advice for chronic pain

Pain killers (it make seem obvious, but they really help). This is a touchy subject for a lot of people, as there are obvious problems with long term pain killer use, but they are great for PRN. There is a possibility a doctor will not prescribe you with them though. 

NSAID’s (Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) can be helpful for pain

Tricyclic antidepressants are used to treat chronic pain

Topical treatments; I use tiger balm patches. These are the ones I use: https://www.amazon.com/Tiger-Balm-Plaster-Warm-Patches/dp/B07Q6WN9ZM. They help tremendously for me. I sometimes used tiger balm cream. Other good ones are Icy Hot vanishing gel and bengay. 

Pillows: I used 12 pillows to sleep with. I know it a lot. But it works really well for me. Experiment with pillows; between your knees, under your arm, behind your back, under your hip, under your legs, etc. I literally sleep on a bed of pillows. 

Reduce stress. High stress= more pain

Join support groups; I am on several FaceBook pages that talk about the issues that I have. This blog on Tumblr has been incredibly helpful. It’s good to have people who understand what you’re going through. 

I cannot exercise, but some people find it useful (i never did) 

Some people find meditation helpful (i do not)

Massages help but obviously, that’s not always accessible, they are expensive etc. 

My advice for chronic fatigue

Medications; depending on your diagnosis, some medications can help with chronic fatigue. The medicine that helps with my chronic fatigue is Plaquenil which is often used to treat fatigue-related with Sjogren’s. There are other medications that can help with the quality of sleep such as benzodiazepines and tricyclic antidepressants. 

Do not do too much activity (that has helped me, but for others moving and doing exercise and movement can help) 

Have a routine 

If you study, make sure you tell all your teachers and lecturers beforehand that you have a health issue that may impair your ability to come to class all the time or hand in assignments on time. In my experience, they have always been really helpful and understanding. 

I also studied a lot from home, using online resources. I also took fewer papers at university to make it more manageable for me.  

Look after yourself, make sure you eat good foods. A lot of people try different diets but they haven’t helped me personally but have been beneficial to a lot of other people. Definitely talk to your doctor about this though. 

Give yourself a break, do not be too hard on yourself if you cant do the things that others are doing 

Some doctors consider stimulant medication but I have not tried this

Lastly! Sjogren’s!

I know a bit about Sjogren’s because it’s related to the disease that I have. It is an autoimmune disorder. If you think you have Sjogren’s then you need to ask your GP to do blood tests associated with Sjogren’s such as rheumatoid factor, ANA, antibodies (anti-Ro (SS-A) and anti-La (SS-B) antibodies). Ask for a referral to a rheumatologist. SELF ADVOCATE. Do not stop until you find your answer. Also, get routine bloods. It is common for them to change over time. I

If any of my followers have Sjorgens and have any advice, please comment!

I hope this helped, I wish I could come up with more advice on how to deal with chronic pain and fatigue, but I know it is really hard. If any of my followers made it this far and have any tips, please add to this post and reblog it so that more people can see and add to it.

EDIT TO ORIGINAL POST

This information was supplied by a tumblr user called @graciecatfamilyband who actually has Sjorgens. They said:

 Blood work and other tests CANNOT rule Sjogren’s OUT. This makes it very difficult to diagnose 

30% of Sjogren’s patients will have negative blood work.Other tests may also not be sufficient, depending on where you are in your disease progress

Doctors are often undereducated about Sjogren’s and don’t see it as as serious as it is

Many patients will have neuro symptoms as well as other significant symptoms like fatigue before their lip biopsy focal score is 1 (which is considered “positive” for Sjogren’s).

https://www.sjogrensadvocate.com/ is a great resource for people who think they might have this disease. It also cites research articles you can show your doctor if you need to

They also offered to help out anyone who want to reach out to them if they have questions or need advice about Sjorgens and also, with diagnosis’s.

Keep in touch, let me know how it goes. Don’t be afraid to reach out and dm me.

Love Aston 

#ask #personal #asks #lupus #sjogrens

[alittleoptimistic]

Favorite Character Tropes as Wish Fulfillment?

I wrote that title after I analyzed this stuff because I realized a thing about myself I was unaware of. I always get attached to the Same Character. Like, they are literally the same person in different stories. And I want to know why. So I did a little digging and thinking and all that good, good stuff. 

Here are a few examples of my typical favorite character

Charlie from Lost

Virgil from Sanders Sides

Philip from Travelers

the Doctor from Doctor Who (specifically 10)

Klaus from Umbrella Academy

Stiles from Teen Wolf

Riley from Sense 8

Cisco from Flash

Peter Pan from any version of this story

Jim from the Office

Peter from Heroes

Merlin from Merlin

Will from Hannibal

Felix from Orphan Black

Chuck from Chuck

Josh (the werewolf ) from Being Human

Jessica from Jessica Jones

Castiel from Supernatural

Loki from Marvel

Skylar from Heroes

Sherlock from Sherlock

Zuko from The Last Airbender

Killian from Once Upon a Time

I could probably find more but you get the idea

General similarities seem to be:

out of 23

21 are male?

15 have some type of addiction/problem they have difficulty controlling? (drugs, attention, adventure, eating people, killing people, ya know, etc)

17 have a secret

‘neuro-divergent’ in some way? (ADD, PTSD anxiety, depression, something? the kids are not alright)

All 23 have grey morals (probably chaotic good-ish? they all would break the rules for a good reason or get what they want)

19 have a crappy homelife/large tragedy in the past

20 have ‘superpowers/special ability’

18 are physically weak in appearance

18 are Underdogs, underestimated but actually powerful/very intelligent?

7 have a redemption arch

17 have dark hair lol

18 have a sarcastic, sense of humor

14 talk too much

mostly white in one form or another :/

So... why?? Why do I tend to like these characters more than others?

male. I am female and there are a few female characters that I LOVE. They happen, but, in all honesty, they are far and few in between. Wonder Woman, Jessica Jones, Hermione, Rey, Riley, Rory (Gilmore girls) Perhaps it is the way girls are often written? I like Jessica Jones because she is a hilarious mess and I relate. Same with... all of the ones I like, actually. They have that grey-moral vibe of real people, but lack the sexy Cat Woman, I’m-so-bad-I-can-kill-you-with-my-massive-butt-and-boobs?? Thing?? yeah? how unfortunate. They are small breasted or, at least, that is not drawn attention to too much. Could it be. holy moly, ya’ll. could it be I like women characters when they’re written... like people? like. like, as if girls are screwed up humans! not objects?? isn’t that incredible.

srry but not srry

an addiction. now, why do I tend to go here? Its a kind of a painful trope. They always go back, and back and back again to what we know is horrible for them. Perhaps there is enjoyment in watching the struggle and seeing them inevitably win their struggle, whatever it is? The strength to conquer the darkness within themselves and do the right thing. It might just make you think you can conquer your own battles?? Maybe I feel like I can relate in some sort of way, going back to old habits, struggling to be the person I want to be. Year after year of the same new year goals...

a secret. This is honestly just a nice trope and its neat, fun writing. Creates tension, and it is usually connected to the addiction. You get invested in this secret!!! It builds up to the inevitable discovery of that secret and the aftermath and all the reactions of their friends. (merlin, Will graham, chuck, etc.)

Neurodivergent. I think this is just me relating to these people. I have bouts of depression and anxiety and am currently researching the possibility of having ADD (thats a whole new weird thing idek) so this is just something that I think I see in myself.

Grey-morals. Again. This is my moral alignment, shocker. So, again, me relating to the characters. Also, characters that obviously have flaws are just well-written, well-rounded characters? No one is actually Clark Kent. characters that seem perfect either come off as plastic and fake because real people do not act like that, or they come off as kind of creepy?? because they must have some darkness lurking beneath the surface (when this is done on purpose, i actually like this quite a lot. Rose Quartz is an example of a character who seemed perfect on the surface, but as the show moved on, is revealed to be a Real Disaster Queen. she isn’t evil, just kind of a brat, but that redeemed what seemed to be sloppy storytelling because it was realistic)

Tragic past. This is just something that authors give to Disaster People to justify their screwed-up-ness. Course, not all of them had tragic pasts, but something bad happened to all of them (except Jim from the Office I think??, but then again, that is a sitcom...)

Special Ability Again, wish fulfillment. Not even gonna lie. I often feel powerless and out of control, this Freaks Me Out. I think there is comfort in seeing the ‘little guy’ (aka le me) having with a BAMF hashtag

 Weak And once more on Relatable-Station. This is in connection with relating to feeling and looking powerless, but finding comfort in the secret strength these characters have whether through supernatural means, superior intelligence, biting humor, a quick tongue, etc.

Underestimated the cap on this trio. The last 3 points could be summed up as one thing. A weak, underestimated person actually has some secret strength. These characters might just be a coping mechanism I have to deal with feeling weak and overlooked and powerless, whether or not those feelings accurately portray reality. I wonder where those feelings came from in the first place.

A redemption arch This trope is often a result of having grey morals. These also help deal with feelings of inadequacy or guilt in the reader?? It makes you think, if they can be loved, surely I can. (i am really dragging myself in this post, which was not the plan lol but here we are) 

Dark hair/brown hair. I have dark hair, I also wanted black hair as a child and found it very beautiful. Also, I think the dark hair goes with the personality trope as a Screw Up. Not gonna lie, messy brown/black hair on boys and girls, honestly, but the short messy thing, is great. and when they go evil for a bit and the hair gets Extra Messy?? That. That’s. Good. (for reference see: Stiles, Killian, Peter, Virgil, Loki)

Sarcastic my flavor of humor. this is turning into the realization that we do, in fact, like characters we relate to the most. I thought that might be far fetched because I’m ‘nothing like’ these characters, but let's get real. They’re me but as a cute boy or girl.

Talk too much This isn’t me. but This is who I want to be, I think. I’ve always struggled with anxiety about being the quiet one while my brother was so much better at talking, making friends, etc. so this is, again, wish fulfillment. i swear i didn’t think this was going to be this self-indulgent but i obviously was wrong

White They aren’t all white. Zuko is Asian. Cisco’s actor is Columbian American. But that’s... thats a really small amount of diversity. Like, I’m concerned. (when i say white btw, I don’t mean just American or British or whatever, because there are characters on here that are from all over. I just mean overall white-looking for the sake of this analysis) 

So, First Hypothesis: prejudice is very ingrained and even with good intentions, i could be subconsciously avoiding characters that are POC??? If this is all a ‘projecting myself’ thing, then I relate to white people the most? Im sure im screwing this up, but i’m not gonna chicken out and avoid this because thats what I’d usually do to keep from dumbly saying something offensive, but if I dont address a problem, then no one is getting anywhere 

Second Hypothesis: Its been known the fiction industry as a whole has a problem with representation,,, I don’t want to discount me being white, but I don’t think this is just me and my tiny entitled butt. There probably isn’t as much access to that type of character for POC. How often do creators have well-rounded, stick-around-for-a-long-time, flawed, funny, sometimes-problematic-but-well-meaning characters that are also POC? not often enough. Maybe it’s not always on purpose. But because of ‘Diversity Points’, character development might get pushed aside, and then the character’s personality becomes Their Race, which is... a crappy way to build a character? The industry has a hard enough time with diversity in general. Maybe people just don't write POC as that type of character. Which makes characters like Cisco unique. I’ve never even thought about that... Good on you, Flash writer crew.

let's fix this??

need more Ciscos???

 if any POC feels inclined to call me out on my bull or give their insight (only if you want to, of course), pls do.

In conclusion: this was interesting, and it makes sense, I guess, why people like different types of characters if their favorite characters are projections in one way or another of them. I’m not saying that we all relate to our favorite characters, but me, because I have this weird, dozen or more of the same type of character that I love, it might be reasonable to assume there’s something about that character I see in myself or wish I saw in myself? Anyway, an interesting thought. What do you guys think? Do you see yourself in your favorite characters?

This has been an honest essay that got too long. I wish I was as invested in writing school essays as I am in Tumblr posts.

#i didn't think this would be this long #writing #character #analysis #writer #teen wolf #doctor who #sanders sides #sherlock #supernatural #being human #avengers #marvel #moral grey #moral alignment #intraspection #flash #chuck #heroes #jessica jones #travelers #sense 8 #merlin #hannibal #last airbender #zuko #once upon a time #killian jones #discourse #thoughts

[forever-yoongis]

My Chemistry Of Love

Ships: Namjoon x reader

Genre: Fluff

"Gotta take these files to the office quick", you run, your hands full of heavy files. You pass the main lobby of the hospital and see that a small crowd had gathered there. Who's here? You thought, as you slowed down your pace to try and look at the crowd. Oh, wasn't Min Yoongi going to get discharged today? You thought suddenly. Did Ann even go visit his room yesterday? You sighed. That girl's definitely the most idiotic person you've ever met, apart from Exci obviously. You rolled your eyes. As you sigh and try to move towards the corridors again, you think. I've got to ask that girl what happened yesterday. You start walking a bit faster. God knows what's wrong with that girl. She even bit my han--- "Ohh", you yelp out as you run into someone and fall down on your back. You mentally slapped yourself for being so careless, what were you even thinking, Sophie? Now you gotta pick up those files now, you scolded yourself.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that", the man you had run into, bent down to help you. "I'm really sorry," he repeated, with his eyes shut. You bent a little to look at this man's face properly. Wow, he's actually quite handsome, you think. And look,how he crunches his nose in embarrassment, with his eyes shut. So adorable, you think, getting carried away by the good looks of this stranger. Hey, young woman, what's wrong with you today? First you walk like a klutz and run into a guy. And then you ogle at him. Ugh, Sophie get a hold of yourself! You told yourself. The man knelt in front of you was still muttering apologies while picking up your files, and avoiding your gaze, as if ashamed to do so. You sigh and try to pick up the file right next to you.

As you hold the file and are about to pick it up, another large hand covers your own. You blink twice to see if you're seeing right. Then start blushing furiously. What is this guy upto? "Oh I'm so so sorry", the man removes his hand as quickly as he had put it over yours, his cheeks red. You giggle a bit at his embarrassment and mumble out a 'okay'. Shaking your head, you go on to pick the next file, when once again, your relatively small hands get engulfed by his larger ones. You move your head up to give him a suspicious look, and you get quite amused to see a man turn so red. But he doesn't let go of your hand this time. Instead, he clasps your hand with both of his own, and starts apologizing again. "God, you'll have to forgive me for being such a klutz. I really get nervous at times like this and I do weird stu-" you look down to see your hand in between his, and he immediately lets go off them,once again starting off with his apologies. You start laughing now and say, "it's fine, you don't have to apologize so much. It gets annoying after a while you know". At that, he panics again. "I didn't know that, I'm sor- oh wait, I'm apologising again. What's wrong with me??!", He gasps and looks at the ceiling in frustration.

You giggle a bit and stand up, files in your hand. He tries standing up too, when suddenly his face contorts in pain and he falls down to the floor, clutching his back. He keeps his eyes close for a while and you throw down your files again, sitting down beside him. "What's wrong?", You ask worriedly. He keeps his eyes shut in pain and then slowly opens them again, his eyes showing relief. "It's nothing", he says. "This happens at times, but the pain goes away quickly", he blurts out. You raise your eyebrow in suspicion. "That doesn't sound too good", you said. "Were you hurt?" "It's nothing really", the man smiles at you. "Doesn't seem like that to me", you add. Your doctor instincts suddenly were switched on and you started eyeing him suspiciously. "Hey! Stop looking at me like I'm some kind of a criminal", he complained. "A guy not confessing his injuries to a doctor is essentially a crime", you give him a glare. "Are you a doctor here?" , He asks, glancing around. "I get that a lot", you smile. "Yes, and no", you reply. "I'm more of a medical researcher and although I have done my meds course, I don't see patients. But I'm also a doctor, just not one in practice", you laugh a little at him. "Oh", he replies. "Yeah, now tell me what's wrong with your back", you point at his spine area. "Ever heard of BTS?" He winks at you suggestively. You groaned. "How's this even relevant? And yeah, I know them. My friend probably is dating one of the members right nor. Or not. Idk", you say.

His opens his mouth in an 'o' as he makes the connection that the girl in front of him was probably a friend of the girl Yoongi was dating right then. Now, that was interesting. He shakes his head and looks at her. "A music box fell on my back", he laughs at you. You scrunch your face in disapproval. "Why's everyone in BTS getting hit by music boxes? Throw them away, they're probably haunted", you shake your head. The man laughs. He looks good when he smiles, you think. "Yeah we need to consider that. But the thing is, the music box dropped on my back AFTER it hit Yoongi. Poor guy had the worst of it, obviously, but I've had a pain in my back ever since", he ended.

You gawked at him. He was walking around with a spine injury like that? "You know how dangerous that is?", You tell him. "If not treated properly, it'll get worse till you'll never be able to dance properly again", you warn him. He sighed. "That's why I should've got a doctor girlfriend like Yoongi".

"What?", You blink at him. "Nah it's nothing. It's just that Yoongi had to go through a lot. The company was really worried about his health and I didn't want to be an extra burden on them", he added, his hands rubbing the back of his shoulder as he smiled meekly at you. You scoff. "Unbelievable". But you had to admit, you were a bit in awe of this stranger man, who sacrificed his own health for the sake of his friend and company. You don't get to see such people everyday. And here I thought all idols were arrogant, you think.

You simply nod your head, not asking him any further questions. It won't be right, you decided. But it was your duty as a doctor to see to the fact that this man didn't go untreated. "Come with me", you pick up the files from the ground. "We have a lot of work to do".

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"No there's no need for you to bother so much", he had told at first. But you wouldn't listen. A spine injury could lead to something much more fatal. But he absolutely wouldn't listen to you. "You don't have to do this for me. I'm fine really. I won't stop dancing", he kept insisting and protesting.

"Fine then. If you don't know how to take care of yourself or appreciate someone's kindness, be there", you had then turned to leave. "Take care". Honestly, why would you care if someone stopped dancing or not? Why would you force someone to do something they clearly did not wanna do? Uh-huh, that was so not like me, you thought. But something about his way of talking, his eyes and his sacrifices had made you do something which you wouldn't have done if it were someone else. You started walking away, when a hand grabbed your wrist.

"No I'm sorry", he mumbled. You turn back to see him looking down. "I want to get treated," he looks up to give you a grateful smile. "Are you sure? I'm not forcing you. There are a lot many doctors you can get checked from, you know". "No", he says, looking very serious suddenly. "I'm getting myself treated here", and he started walking down the corridor pulling you by your hand. Ugh, these people, you rolled your eyes and smiled as this guy pulled you inside your office.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As the guy sits on the bed, you bend down beside him to get a better look at his back. It took you a while to get the X-ray reports but then you saw that there was definitely a slight injury to his spine. Nothing very serious, but it's best if it were treated properly, you thought. Regular check-ups, medical tests, proper exercises would be enough, you thought as you looked at the reports again. "You'll need a doctor specialising in the neuro department", you laugh.

He looks at you confused. "Dont worry, I have a few friends there, so you won't have any problems there I'm sure", you smile at him."You won't be my doctor then?", he mumbles in disappointed. "No I'm sorry. I think you'll receive better treatment under their care", you smile a bit at him. He looks at you expectantly. "I only agreed to this because I thought you'll be my doctor", he adds. Then realising how his words might have sounded like, started blinking, his cheeks all red. "Stop being so childish", you laugh nervously. Your heart started beating faster at his words. What is this stranger doing to me? You wondered. "But I wanted a hot doctor like you to treat me", he mutters under his breath. "What?" You yelp. He looks up at you smirking. You shut your eyes in embarrassment. Your heart had started beating at ten times it's normal rate by now. Clutching your chest, you try to calm yourself down. Calm down, you idiotic heart, you scolded yourself. Don't get so worked up. What are you getting so excited for anyways? You opened your eyes finally, your cheeks burning. "If only I had known earlier that calling you hot would have such a reaction", he looks at you intensely. "I'll have to call you that often now", he smirks at you. You facepalmed. What did you get yourself into? But its not that you felt uncomfortable with his presence. Strangely enough, you felt kind of happy at his words which made you even furious at yourself for feeling that way. Ugh, whats happening to me, you wondered. "Well, whether you want it or not, I'll be your regular patient from now", he adds shrugging. You sighed in defeat. "Very well then, you're getting what you want. But you'll have to come here once every one or two week, do all the tests I ask you to, take your medicines regularly. You'll have to listen to everything I say---which means, no dance practices for more than an hour", you wiggle a finger at the man sitting in front of you. "Yes, I got it!" He smiles at you, his eyes brightening up at the prospect of getting treated by his very own "hot doctor". "Okay then, so here it is, I'll be your doctor from today", you say, "Sophie", you extend your hand out to him.

"Kim Namjoon", he replied smiling, shaking the hand you held out to him.

#namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #bts namjoon #kim namjoon

[medamoiselle-blog]

2017 in Review

I read mdA’s year in review and wanted to use her template to reflect on my year, too. 

1 - What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Hung out with a group of friends and slept over without worrying about all the studying I’d have to do that weekend, went to a classmate’s/friend’s wedding, signed up to take Step 1 (omgomgomg), went through a messy break up, traveled to Europe by myself, rode on a train for the first time! (which actually took 6 hours instead of 4 because something was wrong with the train and they had to fix it halfway through the journey), killed a spider, read Lolita, went on a vacation for Spring Break, completed a project and wrote a research manuscript from start to finish, went to the Weeknd’s concert!  2 - Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I dont remember if I made any resolutions last year...I usually don’t. But, for this year, I am going to continue doing what I have learned to do these past few months: 

1) focus on myself more (my health, my fitness, my happiness) 

2) get rid of toxic people and distractions in my life 

3) study for and do well on boards 

4) No more social media until after boards 

3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4 - Did anyone close to you die?

No. 

5 - What countries did you visit?

Some European countries, Mexico, Japan.

6 - What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

Better, more supportive friends. I used to hang out with a group of gunners (they literally wouldnt share resources because they ‘dont want other people to do well on boards’ and didnt understand why that was upsetting to me). I distanced myself and I’ve been happier.  7 - What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 14th, went on a spontaneous quick trip to Japan mid semester and learned most of renal phys on the 15hr plane rides to and from Tokyo. Stayed at the Disney resort and had a magical time. 

8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Taking care of my mental health, getting to know myself better, submitting my manuscript for publication. This year was full of ups and downs and many firsts, so I’ve learned a lot and have gained experiences that I value very much. That’s an accomplishment to me.

9 - What was your biggest failure?

I stopped running a few months ago, but I plan on getting back into it before this semester starts!  10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?

Thankfully, nothing serious.  11 - What was the best thing you bought?

I bought myself a ring and I absolutely love it! I love the way it looks on my finger and like wearing it. 

As for practical things, I bough an iPad Pro and now that’s all I use to take notes, study, etc. I don’t use paper anymore and it’s really nice to have all my material in one place.  12 - Whose behavior merited celebration?

All of the women and men who shared their stories using #MeToo. My parents for putting up with me and taking care of me when I visit, physically and mentally tired. The one student in our class who shared his struggles with suicide and depression in an effort to help others.  13 - Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed?

a lot of politicians...people trying to take away net neutrality, Trump and his tweets, the ex who told me [after we’d talked about doing residencies in the same hospital and how many children we wanted, etc.] that he wouldnt be introducing me to his parents or be able to marry me because I wasn't Egyptian and his mom wouldnt approve [Boy, bye], the mom who tried to exploit money using a bullying video.

14 - Where did most of your money go?

BOARDS. Who knew it was so expensive to schedule board exams...*le sigh* Also, a lot of money spent on resources...*le cry*

15 - What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I woke up to the first snow of the season and I could not contain myself!  16 - What song(s) will always remind you of 2017?

The Weeknd-Staryboy  17 - Compared to this time last year, are you: I. Happier or sadder?

A little bit of both...sadder and more stressed in some ways, but happier and more content in other ways. Overall, I’m in a good place. 

II. Thinner or fatter?

Thinner.

III. Richer or poorer?

Poorer. 

18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?

More dancing. 

19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?

Social media.  20 - How will you be spending/spent christmas?

Hung out, made and ate xmas dinner, and enjoyed great company <3 

21 - Did you fall in love in 2017?

No, i thought I did at some point tho.  22 - How many one-night stands?

1

23 - What was your favorite tv program?

The Blacklist. 

24 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yeah.  25 - What was the best book you read?

Both Nejma and Salt by Nayyirah Waheed were great reads.  26 - What was your greatest musical discovery?

Dua Lipa.  27 - What did you want and get?

A ring, cute Timberland boots, an iPad Pro w an apple pen, an A in neuro (neuro is our most difficult system, it’s a 6 credit hr course with a lab, and I was scared to take it. But, i ended up really liking it!) 28 - What was your favorite film of this year?

I haven't been to the movies in years. I prefer Netflix/Amazon prime and watching from the comfort of my bed/couch. 

29 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Turned 23. I studied for an exam, but got to celebrate with my family 2 weeks later. Lots of good food and cake!  30 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I had the wisdom I have today at the beginning of this year (2017) haha 

If people were kinder to each other. 

31 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

scrubs 90% of the time. business casual or professional 5% of the time. Leggings, sweaters, sundresses, boots/heels, long dresses, etc. 5% of the time.  32 - What kept you sane?

family, Netflix shows, shopping, traveling.  33 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Pietro Boselli *heart eyes*

34 - What political/social issue stirred you the most?

Healthcare equality, DACA/immigration issues, net neutrality

^ Im going to keep MdA’s answer because yes!! 35 - Who did you miss?

My maternal grandmother who's been dead for 6-7 years now, but I still think of her some times. Also, my best friend who’s moved to another state for grad school.  36 - Who was the best new person you met?

I became closer to someone in my class this past year and I love hanging out with her. She is always so cheerful and optimistic. I love that about her. 

37 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017:

Trust your intuition and don’t settle. 

#year in review #2017 #need to reflect #heres to 2018

[trubish]

i need 2020 to go better and here’s what i want to happen:

get a counselor. i need someone to talk to. i dont think it’s as longterm as it is mainly anxiety from school and self worth and grades and NSC but we’ll see.

do better in school. genuinely study, and try. i know i havent in so long but i NEED to. learn to care, instead of giving up and hating myself after. learn to forgive myself eventually

focus with NSC. make it the best fucking FSAB that’s ever happened. i genuinely care, and i want this to go well. i will put all my effort into this event. 

stop using self hatred as an excuse and just work on caring about myself enough to study. i can get there.

get into a neuro lab! i really love research, but i want to focus on specific neuro research. the phelps lab looks perfect, but god... maybe learn to expand my expectations

spend more time with different friends! i did a good job of that last semester and it made me really happy, but i want more? haha,, this especially goes out to senate. the people there are so sincere and genuine and dont hate me! and i cherish that. kershin, vinit, kate, sameeha, austin, nathan,,, all sweethearts! i want to spend time with them next year

get to know my soon to be new roommate!

figure out who i am. what do i like doing? who am i in social situations? try to be myself more often. but i dont know what i am? learn to be myself

spend more time with people i genuinely like. along with senate friends, vidhi, shreya, jigs, aisha, zara, simren

stop living in the past. what happened happened. maybe one day i can bring myself to apologize, but it’s so many layers of mistakes and failures and my mental health deteriorating that i dont know if i can bring myself up to do that.

maybe, if i can tur things around, apply to be a mentor once more in WINS? do really fucking well iwth FSAB? i dont know though

focus more on my mental health, spend more time alone, studying. i dont hate studying when i start, i just hate starting to study. 

have a good summer, busy, focus on the grades. again. i care, i know i do. just,, try. putting in the effort will actually show results. 

flirt with arnav or grayson. maybe nothing will come out of it. maybe something will! who knows. 

stop putting people who hurt me on a pedestal. i understand i messed up, but im trying. and i WILL do better. how you feel about me shouldnt matter nima.

try to eventually get thru nsc meetings without wanting to throw up. spend more time with people i care about! priyanka, lauren, praj, alexa, (maybe maria? maybe cut her off slightly?) SOPHIE majorly

spend more time with simren. late night talks with her calmed me down so much. she’s been there for me so fucking much i love her a lot. 

watch a movie at the union! walk to the capitol! go to game night! play fooseball. i fucking miss it. 

spend more time with ansar. i love him and he will make time if i ask.

figure out where i stand with dennis. i still love him, but it’s kinda different now. idk, i’ll see

maybe work out a lil? maybe eat healthier? care about myself, a little. 

sneak into graffiti park!

[shaundenee-blog1]

iPhone X and why I might not buy

So, Apple made an announcement that they will be releasing the iPhone 8 and iPhone 8 Plus September 22nd. Now I must admit I LOVE my iPhone and I am very excited forthis release. However Apple also is expecting to release the iPhone X in November. 

The iPhone X actually looks pretty sleek,but the phone does not have the iPhone signature home button. I actually is all screen , making it appear as a small TV when watching videos. Now I think that this is an amazing feature and I like a lot of the other features that I will discuss, but I still will not be buying.

Now since the first iPhone was released, this is actually the biggest of changes that theyhave EVER made. So the iPhone X is made of glass on the front and back and the sides are made of stainless steel. Apple claims that it is dust and water resistant. The new iPhone is said to have better quality than any other iPhone. ever released. The resolution is so “outstanding” allowing the phone to show every detail of you favorite show clearly. The resolution of the iPhone is 2436 x 1125 pixels, making it the best EVER released.

 The phone has many new features such as a new camera, layout, visuals, and operations system. One of the most obvious changes is the “nothing but screen”. So where did the home button go? Well nowhere they simple re-vamped the button. In Apple’s release they demonstrated that instead of pressing a button, the user would just swipe up. So no matter what app is running, when you want to go home simply swipe up. Now you can also just speak to siri, by saying “Hi siri”, or use the bigger improved side button. One HUGE new feature of the iPhone is faceID. The faceID is said to replace the fingertouch security. When an Apple spokes person explained the technology they simply stated the camera takes a picture and the neuro technology is able to detect the user’s face. Now like the finger ID the faceID can be set up, but unlike the fingerprint ID it’s way more intense. The faceID learns an adapts to the user, so if you change your appearence over time, your phone is adapting. Now faceID also means that to unlock your phone , you must be paying attention. Your phone can not be unlocked if you don’t want it to. The faceID can also be used with Apple pay. The new iPhone even has wireless charging, so no more having to carry that stupid cord around wherevwe yougo. It also contains a new chip that is more powerful than any ever released in an iPhone. There is also an new hot feture call the Aniemoji, which stands for animated emoji, the user can use there face to control the emoji. Not only can you create new expressions, but the user can also use aniemoji to control what the animation says and how it moves. The iPhone X also has amazing front and back cameras with more sensors and better pixils along with other features such as portrait lighting. And the last big selling point of course is the augmented reality.

So overall, the new iPhone is completely different than any that has ever been sold before and it comes with a price like never seen before. The iPhone X comes in 64GB OR 256GB. The phone is rumored to start out at $1000.00 and will begin preorder October 3rd. 

Now I am not stating that I will NOT purchase, but I have a lot of concerns about the new iPhone X. For example it has a glass front and back casing, though it is supposed to be the strongest glass ever released, I still have my doubts. I am notorious for dropping my phone, and I would hate to have it shatter from one single drop. We all know that the past iPhones shatter so easilyand that is my biggest concern. Another thing I’m not wild about is the faceID, unlike the touchID, this is set up when the phone is brand new and the only way to unlock the phone. Not a big fan. And lastly, I feel as though they may have changed to much of the traditional iPhone for me to what to purchase this phone. Setting the huge price aside, I just dont feel like it’s an iPhone. 

But before you decide, do your research! There is a lot more happening with the iPhone X. There are so many new features and changes. So before you decided against it, make sure to check out all the information. You can see Apple’s official release talk and more on the iPhone X  on the digital trends page or on Apple’s page. 

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