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dasywritingblog · 3 years

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CRUSH AT THE PREMIER

Scarlett Johansson x reader

Words: 2356

SCARLETT P.O.V.

I'm driving to a caffe down the street to meet up with my longest time best friend (y/n) and as usual I forgot my phone, why everytime I have to meet with (y/n) I get so nervous and forget even my name? Well maybe it is because I have a major crush on her since, how can I say it, well forever probably is the word I'm searching for.

Waking up from my thoughts I park the car and rush to the enter where I see (y/n) impatiently checking her phone.

(Y/N): Where the hell were you? I called you something like five times I thought you were dead!

She says hugging me, I chuckle nervously and hug her back.

SCARLETT: I may or may not have forgotten my phone at home, but anyway is nice to see you too miss finesse.

(Y/N): Oh come on Scarly don't turn into a good girl now.

I blush at this statement and try to hide it laughing and pushing her throward the door.

SCARLETT: Take that fine ass of yours inside I need for my coffee.

(Y/N): Yes ma'am!

We sit at a table and we start talking about what happened in the past month since we didnt have much time to hang up cause we have been super busy with work. I told her everything I could about what happened on the set of Avengers Endgame: funny story, some bloopers and some spoilers as well, but nothing too big since neither I know whats going on in that movie, yep Marvel is very good at keeping secrets.

(Y/N): When is the premier Scarly?

SCARLETT: Tomorrow night and actually I wanted to ask you something about that

My hands got sweaty and I started to panic. What if she says no or she finds out I'm in love with her? Scarlett Ingrid Johansson, you take a breath and ask your best friend and crush to go to the premier with you whether you want it or not! I probably get lost in my thoughts for a while since (y/n/n) is waving her hand in front of my face.

(Y/N): Hellooo? Land to Scarlett, are you here?

SCARLETT: Yeah, sorry I...I zoned out for a sec.

(Y/N): I noticed. Scarly now please answer me sincerely, are you ok?

I frowned at her question.

(Y/N): Don't look at me with that face, you can fool anyone but not me. You've been weird since you arrived today, then you want to ask me something and zone out. This is not you, whats going on?

I take a deep breath trying to gain time.

SCARLETT: Im fine (y/n/n), just a little bit stressed for the premier tomorrow. You know it'll be the first time I'll be there alone and I guess this is stressing me out

(Y/N): Awww don't worry Scarly you'll be amazing as always.- she says taking my hands in hers smiling at me- You're the strongest woman I've ever met and I'm sure that walking on a red carpet alone is not gonna break you down.

I blush at her words and lower my head shaking it a bit.

SCARLETT: The problem is not standing alone on the red carpet, the problem is the presss questions and the scandal that not having a partner for this event is gonna create.

Her smile dropped. She understands what I mean and she knows how much I got stressed when the press spread fake gossip about me.

(Y/N): Well I'm sure we can find someone inclined to accompany you or...

I raised my head at her or and saw the fear and embarrassment on her face. I dont know what happened to me at that moment, but suddenly I felt super confident and the words came out of my mind without me noticing.

SCARLETT: Or you can come with me as my date.

My eyes widened as soon as I realized what I said and I started to panic even more. I try to focus on the bright side of this thing but right now I can't care less about the fact that I practically confessed to my crush, I'm too scared of her reaction. My train of thoughts and paranoia stop rushing when I hear (y/n) laughing.

(Y/N): Your face is sooo funny! Seems like youve seen a ghost!

I try to force out a laugh but it dies in my throat before it can even get out of my mouth so I limit myself at smiling.

(Y/N): You know I wasn't thinking about me when I proposed another option right Scarly?

I nod sadly.

(Y/N): I was thinking about that Colin Jost... But if you want me to be there with you I'll cancel my date night with my couch and Netflix and come with you!

SCARLETT: Really?

My eyes lit up when she agreed to come to the premier as my date. I was so excited and happy as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulder. I jump out of my seat and hug her tight.

SCARLETT: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

(Y/N): Yeah, but don't get too excited I'll only do that in order to see the movie before anyone else.

I stop hugging her and go back to my seat putting on a childish pout and faking to be offended by her statement.

SCARLETT: For what you said you'll have to choose the dress on your own and come to pick me up tomorrow at 5pm.

(Y/N): No no no no. I was joking, girl, chill down! I obviously agreed to come cause youre my best friend and I don't want to let you go alone.- she said scratching the back of her head in facking embarasmen- Now please help me pick a dress!

I burst out laughing at her begging and she joined me soon.

SCARLETT: Ok (y/n/n) well go pick a dress now, but please learn how to plead cause you suck!

We get out of the caffe laughing and wondering about what will happen tomorrow night like two girls going nuts the day before the prom.

TIME SKIP TO THE RED CARPET

I'm walking side by side with (y/n) down the red carpet and I've never felt more powerful in my whole life. For the first time I'm standing in front of the press, journalist, photographer and I don't care about what they're saying and what they'll say tomorrow.

Down the path we stop for some photos and interviews. And I noticed (y/n) tensing and shaking when people ask her questions. Without thinking too much about it I hold her hand rubbing my thumb over the back of it trying to calm her down.

SCARLETT: If it's too much for you I can take you inside the theatre and come back out here alone.- I whisper in her ear.

(Y/N): No it's ok, I'm a little bit overwhelmed but I'll be fine. Just can you hold my hand?

SCARLETT: Sure thing hon, everything for you.

I see her blushing and that makes me smile.

We are now in the theatre and the movies have been going for a while already when I realize that the scene of Natasha's sacrifice is coming up. I shift in my seat trying to get comfortable and ease the stress. I know this scene would come, I mean I shoot it, but it's sad anyway cause after I played Natasha Romanoff for 10 years I can say that she is part of me now.

As soon as the Widow jumps down the cliff the theatre is filled with gasp and sob. Every member of the cast looked at me shocked since no one except Jeremy knew that. Robert, who was sitting at my left lean near me.

ROBERT: You hide it to us for all this time?

SCARLETT: Feige's order.

I hear a sob coming from the person at my right, so I turn around to see (y/n) crying in her seat. That view makes my heart clench, she is so beautiful and precious even with tears rolling down her cheek. I stare at her for a while before she notices and grabs my hand holding it tight in search of comfort. When our hands touch I feel my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat, we stare at each other's eyes and without realizing we both start to lean in closer without breaking eye contact. My heart was beating so fast and my mind was wandering freely imagining how could (y/n) lips would feel against mine.

Our magic moment was interrupted by a flash coming from the screen we woke up from our state of trance and back off blushing in embarrassment.

TIME SKIP TO EVANSS PARTY

(Y/N) P.O.V.

Me and Scarly are at a party hosted by the one and only Chris Evans. I've lost Scarlett in the crowd so I make my way to go get another drink. If I have to be totally honest I lost count of how many shots I've had, but drinking helps me forget about the problem and right now I have a big problem to take off my mind.

I still can't believe that me and Scarlet had almost kissed each other early in the theatre, but most importantly I can't believe I want it to happen again! She is my best friend and I shouldn't have those thoughts about her. I shouldn't wish to kiss her, but here I am.

The night went on with Scarlett chatting with her cast members and me drinking shot after shot till I practically passed out on someone which at the moment I don't remember the name, my head hurt too much for thinking. I slurred an "I'm sorry" while trying to get back on my feet.

BRIE: Here let me help, youre too drunk to stand alone.- she said while helping me stand still.

(Y/N): I'm not - hiccup- that dwunk -hiccup.

BRIE: Yeah and I'm a member of the Queen.

I stare at her for a while.

(Y/N): Ohhh, that's why you seemed familiar!

BRIE: Ermmm ok. Are you here with someone?

I pointed to Scarlet who was talking to some girl and that view made me jealous. She is mine! The girl member of the Queen walked me to Scarlett and whispered something to her. After that my bestie excused herself from the girl she was talking to and rushed to me. We walked out the house where the party was going on in silence and got in the car where I passed out.

I wake up at Scarlett shaking me violently.

SCARLET: We are here but I need you awake I can't pick you up with this stupid heels.

I nodded and focused my attention on keeping my eyes open. Scarlet helped me get out of the car and walk to the door where she made me lean against the wall while she searched for the key. We finally got inside the house, I threw my purse on the floor and leaned on a table falling asleep.

SCARLETT: No that's not the bed hun come on, we have to take you upstairs then you can sleep I promise.

She struggles at makinkin me stit up since I'm not cooperating much, but I'm too tired to move or even think. I look at Scarlett and notice that she is standing between my legs while Im still sitting over the table. In this way I was way more taller than her so I managed to look at her and notice how embarrassed and frustrated she is right now. I lost myself in her beautiful eyes for the second time in a day and before I even noticed we were leaning in eachother again.

SCARLETT: Fuck this!

Her lips crushed on mine in a very passionate and loving kiss which I gladly responded to. Its amazing, our lips complete each other like two pieces of the same puzzle. I lost myself in those kisses and I didn't even notice that Scarlett had picked me up and she is trying to walk to the staircase without interrupting our magical kiss.

Eventually our lips came apart and as if nothing happened she took me up to a room and put me to bed pecking my lips before I passed out definitely.

TIME SKIP TO THE NEXT MORNING

I stir and roll in the bed trying to remember what happened last night. I wake up and look around noticing that this is NOT my room. I sit up quickly causing my head to hurt and I notice a glass of water with some pills near it and a post-it on the nightstand. I pick the note and read it:

"I got you some pills and water, they'll help with your hangover. There are some of my clothes on the chair put them on then come downstairs I'm doing pancakes

-Scarly❤"

I start to get dressed trying to recall at my mind what happened after the party when something hit me. ME AND SCARLETT KISSED!

I fall on the floor tripping over the bed sheet, I stand up again and start going downstairs rubbing my sore back. When I entered the kitchen I saw Scarly focused on not burning the pancake. I walked behind her, slid my hand around her waist, hugging her and kissing her cheek.

(Y/N): Morning love.

SCARLETT: Look who decided to wake up!- she said kissing my lips- How are you feeling?

(Y/N): Me good, my ass not much since I fell on the floor.

We burst laughing and sit at the table starting to eat breakfast without the need to talk about what happened last night cause both of us know that we wanted it for a long time.

Love you you all and be safe

Dasy 🥰

#scarlett johansson x reader #the avengers #marvel #girls who like girls #actor x reader

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darlington-v · 3 years

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how do you draw like that on mspaint,,,,,,,teach me your manners,,,,

- v cool anon :D

uhh first off is don't have a shit mouse lmfao

im pretty sure ive tried to draw w/ like a shitty mouse before and it was like The Worst™

i mean you can have a shit mouse obviously jahsdfhjkasdf but you'll have to figure out how to make it work for yourself bc They're Quirky Fellas!

but aside from hardware, the next thing is um. don't be afraid to erase shit. like this is just good art advice in general but bc mspaint doesn't have layers ur gonna have to fuck it up lmfao

honestly that comic was like pretty nice art practice bc it tied my hands behind my back so to speak? and like i didn't have a choice BUT to erase pretty much??? which is good stuff because it puts you out of your comfort zone in that like.... it's like....

It Is... Okay.... To Erase Things. in fact, your art might be better for it.

uhhh as for the rest???? um. idk i guess like figuring out old short cuts?

like you can make the eraser bigger on mspaint by using ctrl and + simultaneously on like... a number pad. idt the shift + works tho D:

and then i realized that uhhh you can flip the image like horizontally for a makeshift like.... yk the thing on most programs where its like a toggle and it flips the canvas but its not like ACTUALLY flipping the canvas??? yeah

on mspaint it ACTUALLY flips the canvas but all you have to do is flip it back around SO.

ummm also dont be afraid to be messy! like its an mspaint piece so its allowed to be a lil messy i think thats the quirks of mspaint art like that haha! its like silly n cute n not like Perfectly Sculpted

yeah! idk i hope that was maybe smth????? honestly i was less focused on making it good necessarily but more so just enjoying myself and having fun drawing bc it was mspaint art haha! i didnt feel like the pressure to perfectly render it and make sure EVERYTHING was perfect, which i think also probably had an affect on it! like, i obviously like really worked over the drawing in like "oh it has to be good! im catching flaws in his headshape and neck!" but eventually i was like... ok well even if i AM seeing wonky shit.... its mspaint art. i dont think many people are going to give a shit.

anyways yeah!!! thats my advice! idk if its very solid bc this was like... the first time i used mspaint in literally forever? im sure someone who's like... program theyve PERFECTED would have better advice but im just,,, im just chilling lmfao

TLDR;

1) have a good mouse, but don't worry if you don't! you'll just have to make it's little quirks work for you. 2) don't be afraid to erase stuff! there's no layers on mspaint so it exercises building confidence in your art, you can't rely on layers here. 3) know your shortcuts! there's some hidden features in mspaint that lie in shortcuts, so it's good to know them! 4) don't be afraid to be messy either. it's mspaint art so don't be too worried about making it good just focus on having fun! you've got limited tools so unless you're intimately familiar with tricks of the trade, it won't be your best work -- so don't stress over it when it's not.

#asks #v cool anon #long post #the tldr is long too lmfao fuckkkkk #its fine #also i wanna emphasize uhhh hopefully that last bit doesnt come off like mean #like that mspaint comic is by far not my best work however it is like i think my second most popular post? however....#notes and views and likes don't necessarily quantify how GOOD something is #you're the artist and you know what you think is your best work!!!!#and sometimes the public disagrees with u lmfao

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prettyporcelain · 3 years

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YEA SO IM ANFRY ASF I LITERALLY PROMISED MYSELF TO CONTROL EVERYTHING AND NOW IM NOT COUNTING CALORIES UNTIL SUNDAY AHG.

Ok so I'm going to vent a little about how am I feeling and what am I going to do because I'm about to literally freak out.

Okay so yesterday and today I've been eating a lot and not counting/not counting properly cuz I had two exams and I was literally so stressed. I think that probably most of my intake that was an excess came from emotional eating, representing my stress and my anxiety. Anyways so tomorrow I'm going to have lunch with my grandma in a restaurant which I don't have the menu and I don't know if have lowcal options, so I don't want to calculate anything wrong for that day, and that means that I'm probably will not count tomorrow and will not count on Sunday because it's mother's Day, and I'm going to eat with my family and I don't wanna get more stressed than I am rn, and i don't wanna to get overwhelmed.

These days I've been selecting my limit by myself but I think that if I really want to get back on track it's the moment of starting a new diet, and I have to choose which one I want to do, because I'm on my last semester of my school year (I'm a junior in my country lol) and I don't want to fail everything... So, I'm going to do something that isn't too low calorie but also isn't like too high, and I'm going to stick on it and try not to binge or not to break it. And well, I'll see... I'll have this little break because I really been having a shit time every day. Also i'm going to start getting back on track principally because I gained weight and that's my motivation, bc that makes me feel awful; and I'm fucking pissed off because I had to eat but ik that in these 3 days my intake is not going to be more than 1800 calories approximately so I probably will not gain weight or, I'll gain idk... 2lbs maybe (? The only thing I learned is that when I overeat I get bloated, and mostly it's bc of water weight. Mayyybe if I do a fast on Monday or start this new diet, on the next week all of that water weight should be gone. I just have to be patient.

Anyways this is how I'm feeling right now. I don't know how to describe it perfectly, I just know that I'm uncomfortable but I don't want to get more stressed. I'm just going to take a deep breath knowing that I'm going to eat a little more but that's not going to affect me because I've been eating in a deficit as we all are, and then I'll get back on track. it's only 3 days but....shit, it makes me feel that I'm failing my ED. I know I'm not, but every time I feel fat and I feel that I don't have any control because I ate and sometimes I don't count, and I just feel invalid all the time. It's really awful. I know that I have an eating disorder, I just can't accept it. Literally I can't stand the fact that I'm going to spend these 3 days like this and that the name of the illness that I have its anorexia. Like my brain goes like "how the fuck you are an anorexic if you're eating all of this shit you fat pig"

I just can't feel better. I feel shame. Guilt. I just want that Monday finally arrive because I wanna start this new diet to get back on track. I'm tired of feeling fat and heavy and invalid. I'm tired of eating 1300 calories or 1000 calories. I just really miss when I ate like 500 calories maximum. But well that's a small detail.

Now I just have to concentrate on why am I going to do on Monday and pretend that this weekend it's not going to exist. And I have to remember that if I gain weight it's probably water weight.

Okay if you read all of this thank you ily

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hiimsociallyawkward · 3 years

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Dear Lara Jean,

HI. so i watched TATBILB: A&F a few weeks ago, and I have some words. Before I begin, i'd like to preface that i'm literally 17 and have no film experience, and that I've read this book once maybe 4 years ago but here it is.

ps. if you haven't gotten it already: there will be spoilers. Heavy spoilers.

first of all, i'm sorry but i really didn't like the little edit things. Maybe I've reached that point in my life where I don't f with that anymore. Like when theres a drawn house and it slowly fades so it's real life?? no thanks

the music choice... I honestly didn't have that big of a problem with it, but my korean friend kept going "wtf is this music choice" so i'm quoting her on that.

the filming and editing. well maybe it's just me but I didn't really like it. yk when you're watching a youtuber and they do those zoom in things and it's sort of fast and funny? I think there were a few times the movie did that and i didn't like it.

literally, lara jean looking directly into the camera?? it feels like it's breaking the 4th wall and maybe they're doing it to be edgy but no thanks i didn't like that either.

WHY???? Her breaking the 4th wall added NOTHING to the movie. It just took me out of the experience. I especially didn’t like it when they did it in PS I still love you when they temporarily broke up.

THEY SET THE MOVIE IN OREGON. WHAT WAS THE REASON. THE BOOK WAS SET IN VA, AND I LIVE IN VA SO I FELT A CONNECTION TO THE BOOK. AND THEN THEY GO AND SET IT IN OREGON. WHAT. WAS. THE. REASON

OREGON DIDN’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH THE COLLEGES. THEY’RE STILL PRETTY FAR AWAY FROM STANFORD. IN THE BOOK, UVA WAS CLOSE BY SO LJ WOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TOO FAR AWAY FROM HOME. NO OFFENSE TO THE STATE BUT WHY OREGON. THEY COULD OF PUT THEM IN CALI AT LEAST

ONE OF THE REASONS WHY LJ WANTED TO GO TO UVA IS BECAUSE HER FAMILY WOULD BE CLOSE BY. BY PUTTING THEM IN OREGON, YOU TAKE AWAY THAT REASON. i just want to 👊 whoever’s idea this was

FURTHERMORE: THEY CHANGED UVA AND UNC TO STANFORD AND NYU. I AM INFURIATED. THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT THEY WANTED TO GO TO UVA BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE 10 MINS FROM WHERE THEY LIVED AND IT'S A STATE SCHOOL. LARA JEAN FELT LIKE THE WAS GAURANTEED TO GO TO UVA AND WHEN SHE DOESNT, IT ACTUALLY HURTS THE READERS.

in the book, LJ was waitlisted from UNC, rejected from UVA, and accepted to W&M. I’m sure you can find like 40 people at our school who can relate to this situation. I doubt 40 people in our school can relate to being rejected from Stanford BUT accepted to NYU. dear writers, please give teens across the nation (your target audience) realistic expectations for college admissions.

YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT PETER AND LARA JEAN WERE ACTUALLY QUALFIED ENOUGH FOR STANFORD. LEMME JUST SAY, I'VE APPLIED FOR COLLEGES THIS YEAR AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD GRASP ON WHAT IT TAKES TO GET INTO CERTAIN COLLEGES. YOU'RE TELLING ME THE TWO OF THEM. REALLY. GOT. INTO. THOSE. SCHOOLS. pls.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE KISSING BOOTH. ELLE AND NOAH ARE POSSIBLY THE DUMBEST CHARACTERS I HAVE EVER WATCHED. I DON’T SEE THEM DO A PAGE OF HOMEWORK AND I DON’T EVEN THINK THEY ATTEND CLASS. LIKE MAKING A KISSING BOOTH FOR ONE FUNDRAISER FOR A CLUB THAT CONSISTS OF 2 PEOPLE DOES NOT COUNT AS ENOUGH TO GET INTO HARVARD. but that’s a different movie...

this is literally the idea that television and movies have in making it super easy to get into ivy leauges. as if some in state college isn't up to society's standards of where or where not it's ok to go to college. it's when gabriella montez goes to stanford, troy goes to berkely, ryan evan goes to julliard, teddy duncan goes to yale, cody martin is accepted to princeton, HANNAH MONTANA does to stanford.

and lara jean wants to study english lit. she never says “i want to go to stanford because of their great english lit program”. it’s only “i want to go to stanford because my boyfriend is going and i have no other life outside of him

fine. make your characters seem awesome by making them go to awesome colleges. but still. this is upseting.

you know how awesome it is to hear UVA, the college I've always wanted to go to, in a published book? and for them to just rip it away- espeically when UVA is so attainable?? Yea yea movie directors, i get it, UVA isn't good enough for you. whatever.

They had AT LEAST 5 MONTAGES. 5. FIVE. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY MONTAGES. To quote my friend "the movie is all montage and 30 mins of plot" AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO DISAGREE WITH HER.

AND THE DANCES. I REALLY DIDN’T NEED TO SEE NOAH CENTINEO DO WHATEVER HE CALLS “DANCING” IN 2 MONTAGES. I know everyone fell in love with noah in the first movie, but i’m pretty sure everyone fell out of love with him in this one.

again, i know nothing about movies, but 5 montages?? it seems like you're just filling space and trying to make everything seem ✨awesome✨ and ✨amazing✨. SURE. everything might be awesome and amazing, but this movie was 1 HR AND 55 MINS. and you decided to add 1 HR of montages? WHy. AND. one of them was in slowmo. i can't

THEY HAD VOICE OVERS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE MOVIE. sure. 1 at the begin and 1 at the end, I think that's cute. BUT THE WHOLE MOVIE?? WHY. like bruh- have a focus.

literally did anyone read the freaking book? Remember how- in the book right? Margot was actually really not ok with Trina bc she's sort of replacing their mom? and Margot is rlly not ok with it but gets over it?? see how that was summarized in like 5 seconds in the movie? Oh i'm sorry you used all your time for the movie making STUPID MONTAGES but can we get some actually emotionally beats next time?? thanks.

ok this is a big problem i have with the movie. in the 3rd book, peter tries to have a relationship with his dad who ran away from him years ago. He struggles with that relationship the whole book. This is good stuff. people can relate to this. the scene in the diner where peter “confronts” his dad was CRINGEY. It could be noah’s acting but i couldn’t take him seriously. AND HE FORGIVES HIS DAD AFTER 30 SECONDS. the movie tries to include these smaller storylines but can’t because of the time limit. i’m no screenwriter, but i’m sure there could have been a way to subtly move that plot line during the entire movie rather than that one conversation in the diner

and in the book, peter has to train for lacrosse so he has to eat healthy which stresses him out. i specifically remember him getting mad at someone (maybe it was john ambrose, i don’t remember fully) for EATING HIS CARROTS. this just shows that peter has a life too. he has to worry about lacrosse along with losing lj. but no, the movie makes him look like the perfect boyfriend who has no other worries in life except for the girl in front of him

remember how- in the book (right?? bc they had a book to go off of???) Stormy was a part of the 3rd book? like a BIG part?? They LITEALLY just used her as John Ambrose's grandmother (WHICH IM PRETTY SURE THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO IN THE MOVIES). literally, stormy and john ambrose were throw away characters in the second movie and i am infurriated. BUT ALSO I LOVE JOHN AMBROSE HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HIM??

and remember, how in the book, how the dog's name is "Jamie Fox-Pickle" and they changed it to HENRY??? where is the flavor. what was the reason. SERIOUSLY.

BUT ALSO. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG BUT THERE WAS A POINT IN THE PLOT WHERE PETER'S MOM TOLD LARA JEAN TO BREAK UP WITH PETER. DOES NO ONE ELSE REMEBER THAT?? AND THEY CUT IT ALL OUT OF THE SCRIPT?? LIKE WHY. WHAT WAS THE REASON.

ok those are my biggest book grievances I think. but lemme just say, they NEVER went to NEW YORK. They literally wrote that in for the purposes of NYU. in the book, Chris and Lara Jean DRIVE to UNC because that's ATTAINABLE. BC THEY'RE STATE UNIVERSITIES. ANYWAYS

LJ’s and Chris’s spontaneous trip to unc showed their friendship in a good way. I never really liked chris as a friend to lj but during the trip, they are besties and it shows. the movie tries to do that in ny but peter is also in ny for some reason. she should have fell in love with ny WITHOUT peter at her side nagging her to sneak out and go on a date. she should have spent more time with chris rather than thinking about peter while she was watching the band.

the scene where Lara Jean is in New York and at the party and she sees the band? To all the boys I've loved before: Always and forever?? more like To all the boys I've loved before: gay awakening time.

when they moved the pink couch to the subway? WHy? They wanted snazzy pics.

when Lara Jean and Peter were making up and it was a really cute sequence AND THEN THEY MADE HER LOSE HER V CARD. FINE. I GET HOW THAT'S REALISTIC BUT IT WAS A CUTE SCENE. MY FRIEND ALMOST STARTED CRYING AND THEN LJ LOST HER V CARD AND WE COULDN'T STOP SCREAMING.

this is different from what was in the book (for the 100th time). In the book, they don’t do it and it shows that you can be in a high school relationship without being physical. I strongly appreciate that message. This darn movie had to have her lose her v card. WHY. IT ADDED NOTHING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE YEARBOOK SIGNING WAS SYMBOLIC ENOUGH

the montage where it's a montage of all of lara jean's and peter's cute moments?? ok fine. that was cute. but they literally just took scenes from past movies. imagine the impact if we like hidden moments from their relationships. maybe they're laughing in the car together. maybe they're watching they sunset. maybe peter is looking at her lovingly while she sleeps. WHAT IF. it WASN'T a montage of all the "bigger" moments of their relationship, and we got to see them just exist.

UGH. THE VOICE OVER AT THE END OF THE MOVIE IS SO CRINGEY I CAN'T

"WE AREN'T LIKE OTHER COUPLES. NOT US, LARA JEAN AND PETER KAVINSKY. BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING BETWEEN US. WRITING LOVE LETTERS" please. b freaking s

Some redeemable qualities

while i didn't like most of the songs, "like me better" by lauv will always be loved. especially since it's a call back from the first movie?? I can ftw

WHY WASN’T “LIKE ME BETTER” THEIR SONG???? I really thought it was a good song to be their song and they referenced it in the beginning. No offense to the “beginning middle and end” people, but i felt no attachment to that song.

they customized her phone. it looked like it was a 7 (idk rlly, i don't know crap abt iphones) but they customized it. Granted, I KNOW lara jean would be the one with the aesthetic background with color coded folder, but still- they did give her relevant apps. some to note include; tiktok, spotify, instagram, netflix, notes, messages, facetime, maps, whatsapp and the STANFORD APP?? whatever- i'm chill.

they did make lara jean make choices so that was good.

the prom ask?? That was cute. with the pancakes??

at the end when Peter played the song even though earlier he didn't like it?? I liked that. i liked that a lot. ok fine i more than liked that a lot. There are multiple texts where my friends are screaming at each other. In fact, 26 separate messages.

chris in general. granted, she was more present in the books, but i'll take what i can get.

some notable quotes by her, the queen

"I'm dead inside"

not wanting to do a gigantic walk down from the stairs and asking the boys not to turn around

peter said he liked lara jean's forehead kisses and that reminded me of emma chamberlain so that's a positive only bc of emma

I remembered that they were the class of 2021, and I'M class of 2021 and it just hit for a second.

my friend cried over their graduation but i felt nothing bc we're literally living in a pandemic and chances of me getting a real graduation?? we'll see

again, these are all just my opinion. my friend doesn't like the movie bc she says she's sad and bitter and seeing these cute couples makes her feel lonely but i'm just diappointed. the books were GOOD. they were gold.

there was so much they could’ve done with the movies, and i just feel like they didn’t deliver on anything. Jenny Han, i’m sorry. The movie overall, ik someone who cried about it and someone else who gave it 7/10. props for them but jeez i just wish for more.

ok but that’s the show folk. i mean, obviously everything i said was opinion and literally don’t listen to anything i’ve said. BUT. feel free to add what you hated or loved abt the movie too. thanks. i love you guys. “always and forever” :,)

p.s- omg not them ripping off taylor swift. jk jk. ok bye

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lemondropsssss · 4 years

Text

ok but imagine jaskier has to take geralt home to lettenhove for some reason.

and maybe ciri is there, maybe they’re on the way to kher morhn and they run out of food money and supplies and it’s not like geralt can take a contract what with his armor and swords under the ruins of cintra. and jaskier just looks at their tired wet cold faces and is like fuck.

im gonna have to see my family aren’t i. and so he takes them to lettenhove and his plan is to leave them at the inn outside the gates bribe the gaurds and then get food and supplies from the household staff he can trust and neither geralt nor his family would be any the wiser.

but the fucking minute he steps into town someone shouts “master julian!” and he’s totally fucked. it’s the old fletcher who worked in the castle when he was a boy, who had let jaskier watch his work even when he was supposed to be at his lessons. and it isn’t like he can ignore the man, he showed him such kindness as a boy.

so jaskier goes to talk to him while ciri and geralt share the same look of “master??? julian???” but then more of the lettenhove townspeople take notice and more and more want to come greet good master julian who was always such a nice boy, and isn’t it lovely he’s finally come home and is that his daughter isn’t she lovely

when the attention shifts to ciri geralt is immediately protective and on guard but jaskier seems comfortable with these people so he stops himself from audibily growling. just.

and jaskier extracts himself when he hears the tromp of booted feet and sighs deeply but steps in front of geralt to meet the soldiers. both his companions tense behind him but he just greets amrah with a cheery smile. the man gives him a slight bow and now geralt and ciri are completely lost because usually soldiers plus jaskier leads to geralt poking holes in people.

they follow the soldiers up the road to the keep. both ciri and geralt have questions. a lot of questions. so many questions. but when they both try to ask jaskier shoots them a warning look and shakes his head. he trusts the people of lettenhove, but there is a war on, and even the kindest people can be turned if their children’s lives hang in the balance.

there’s a young woman waiting in the yard when they arrive. she’s beautiful, long dark hair and a smile tucked away but close to the surface. jaskier bows deeply to her, ciri curtsies, and geralt inclines his head which is just about the same respect he offers anyone.

“you’ve returned. how delightful.” she does not look delighted. “you will follow me, and listen intently while i shout at you. your companions will be delivered to your rooms to await you”

jaskier looks about to argue but holds his tongue. he and geralt have a wordless conversation over ciri’s head before the witcher grunts and tilts his head in acquiescence and he and ciri follow the waiting servant.

they’re delivered to a set of rooms nicely decorated but lacking any kind personality.

“geralt what is-“

“I don’t know”

“but who’s juli-“

“I don’t know”

“why was that woman-“

“ci- fiona. if i knew i would tell you” geralt did not want to explain to his child surprise the concept of a kept man.

when jaskier comes back geralt does a cursorary scent, but the bard just smells like stress and his lavender hand cream. his hair stands up like it does when he’s been messing with it, but he looks no worse for wear.

“well. this wasn’t exactly what i had in mind when i suggested resupplying here”

“jaskier”

“yes dear witcher?”

“what. the actual fuck. is going on. if you’ve brought us to another house you’ve cuckolded-“

“what? you think? geralt! that’s my baby sister!”

of all the answers geralt thought he’d get, that wasn’t one of them.

“but you’re a bard”

“what, do you think bards just pop out of the ground fully formed? gods geralt, ive never known you to be thick. i told you we were coming here.”

“no, you said we were coming to lettenhove, you never said anything about a sister!”

“22 years and he still can’t remember my name. fiona, dear, do you remember how i introduced myself when we first met?”

“julian alfred pankratz, viscount de lettenhove, and the greatest bard who ever lived” ciri parrots from her place across the room, sprawled out on the soft bed.

“thank you dear. don’t fall asleep, we’re all expected at supper.”

“jaskier.” it’s geralt’s ‘tell me now or i throw you off the battlements’ growl.

“yes yes, fine. i left when i was very yong. technically i was supposed to return from my life as a wandering bard when my father died. you can probably tell i did not obey that particular order. vanya, my sister and the lady de lettenhove, took over day to day affairs some time ago and from what I heard was doing a fantastic job, much better than i ever could. so i just. haven’t come home.” he shrugs “the people were happy with her, she enjoys caring for them, and i don’t belong here. i wasn’t ever planning to come back but well. we are in desperate need of money and supplies if we’re ever to reach kher morhn alive.”

and geralt is geralt so coping mechanisms are limited when you find out that almost always desolate bard who’s floated around you for 25 years is also a fucking lord. so he copes poorly by crossing his arms frowning and not saying anything at all. because strange new lordling jaskier also has a reasonable point, which is distressing to geralt for a whole hoast of reasons he doesn’t himself understand.

so geralt agrees and they stay for dinner while supplies, including mounts for all three of them, are prepared. and if geralt notices vanya watching him he doesn’t mention it. he doesn’t smell fear off her, but people have plenty of reasons to watch a witcher at their table, so he doesn’t bregrudge her it.

they send ciri off to bed before the meal is done, the girl is almost asleep in her stew. jaskier and geralt excuse themselves shortly after.

“master witcher? a moment, if you please.” vanya’s low voice stops them, and after a silent exchange geralt lets jaskier leave them.

“is there something i can do for you, my lady?”

vanya smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“not as such. please, sit. no need to stand on formality here.”

so he sits stiffly, not sure why this woman would ask for him.

“my brother is a strange man. always has been. such an odd boy, always with his head in the clouds.” the smile on her face and affection in her voice are the only thing that stop him from growling at the way she speaks of jaskier. “he loves you.” that gives him pause. “you know it. he knows it. half the continent knows it and there’s a war on. tell me, master witcher. do you intend to break my brothers heart again?”

she’s smiling but her words are sharp, and they cut at geralt. their reunion after the dragon hunt hadn’t been what geralt had wanted. ciri had been with him, and geralt knew most of the reason jaskier had agreed to travel together again was the girl. they’d been off with each other ever since, dancing around the past without ever coming close.

“i don’t know what you’ve heard, my lady, but jaskier and i never had-“

“spare me, please. i knowmore about my brothers proclivities than any sister should ever have to.” again, the smile that didn’t meet her eyes “you’re a witcher, so any threat of bodily harm i make is a moot point. but hurt my brother again, and I am sure i could think of something very creative for you to endure.”

she gets up to leave but turns back. “ask him to sing you her sweet kiss. that should make everything clear, even to a man like yourself”

ciri is asleep on the cot in front of the fire when geralt gets back. jaskier is plucking mindlessly at his lute, but puts it away when geralt gets back.

“what did my sister want?”

geralt grunts but says nothing, going about getting ready for bed.

“loquacious as always my friend” but jaskier put away his lute and slipped under the covers. they’d taken to all sharing a room on the road, easiest to reach ciri if she had a nightmare and less coin spent on rooms for him and geralt.

“hmm” geralt’s questioning hum.

“yes?”

“what’s her sweet kiss?”

jaskier falters, his heartbeat increases, and geralt can hear him picking at his fingers as he does when he’s nervous.

“why are you asking me about a song i wrote? you’ve never done that, you don’t care about my songs.”

“what is it?”

but jaskier doesn’t answer. he curls up under the blankets, closes his eyes, evens his breathing. geralt could challenge him again but doesn’t. he extinguishes the candles and joins jaskier in bed, each man firmly on his side.

they don’t talk about it in the morning. jaskier is quiet as they pack. he kisses his sister goodbye, chats quickly with the household staff. then all three mount up with their full packs and new cloaks and they’re off.

geralt wants to ask again about her sweet kiss, and what vanya could have meant, but he doesn’t. saves that conversation for kher morhn. winter is long, and a mountain is as good a place as any to get something off your chest

#geraskier #the witcher #geralt of rivia #jaskier #geralt x jaskier #the witcher netflix #the witcher fanart #witcher ficlet #witcher fic #my fic #wtf is this #who knows #validate me

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generouscoffeelove · 4 years

Text

THE UNASSEMBLED WORDS

Things not always go your way they never even stay the same but you can make your mind to go with the flow u can make yourself to work within the things but sometimes it's hard to face the reality sometimes you are not ready to accept the situation, we all are never mature enough that we cant cry crying makes your mind healthy but overthinking only leads to depression and stress. People will say whatever will come in their mind but it's not always necessary to carefully listen to their opinions.

When you are determined to achieve something and deep down you know that the path you chose is right for you then no one can divert our mind from those guts. People will depress you, they will tell you that u r wrong and their opinions are right bcz they can't see a person becoming more successful than they themselves. Nowadays no one is more sincere to you than your parents, not even your relatives.

Sometimes I think about the day when I will achieve my dreams but then what if I have no more plans to move on ? what if i get the person i love but what after that ? as i will be near to it i will forget the hurdles and all the things i lost on the path towards my goal. Man is greedy, his requirements can never be completed bcz he wants more & more. If u want to get to ur dreams u have to listen to yourself only u dont care about the people and even if u hurt them u have no problem but then comes the deceiving part where u think that following your dreams might separate your family from u this fear of losing someone really special in ur life makes ur way turn back. I think it's the law of life u cant live happily if the people around u r sad. A person like me sometimes thinks that leave everything and go get whatever u want but in the end u have to come back. U will never forget where u belong and thats how u feel the existence of love.

The first love relations with you are of the same blood. But how can u fall for someone so badly ? How can you love someone out there in this world more than those people who raised you ? This love can be of two types. The love relation with Allah and secondly the other with one of his people. How weird it is to think that we pray to get someone else in our lives instead of praying to get Allah’s affection. To be honest, pray for it and you will get the things you love automatically even if you love someone so badly. First put this in your mind that excess of everything is bad. It's only Allah who will give u everything and will never upset u but the people around u can love u the most but can also give u the pain that u cant bear.

Everything happens for good. Maybe someone in your past who deceived you was there by Allah’s choice to make you strong and to make you prepared that nobody is there with you forever. People will always stay in search to get ur weak points but staying close to Allah will hide all of those mistakes on ur side which u made unexpectedly or even if u knew u should pray to be forgave and he will forgive u try to pray from the core of your heart. Nothing is more peaceful than crying in sujood bcz that is the moment when u feel hopeless and u dont have words to describe the society around u that how u feel. I faced a lot of times when i was compared and i was insulted but all i used to do was to stay silent and secretly in the heart say “ Ya Allah u should answer them”. Sometimes its good to stay quiet bcz the silence makes the people go crazy. The silence is breaked automatically by Allah. He himself shows the people that u were wrong.

Not always u have to stay silent but when u r being doubted for a wrong reason or the person saying is crossing the limits listen 3 times but the 4th time smack his face. Bcz they deserve it. From my perspective rules should be for everyone, and the strictness u faced should also be embossed on the coming kids. It's not right to scold or insult someone in the middle where everyone is sitting bcz it makes you stressed and this is the fact where suicidal thoughts start to enclave even a young mind. I dont why im even writing this but the point is that i really don't want anyone to interfere in our lives and not even to scold us bcz they dont live with us they don't face the things we are facing right now, they cant live a week with us but after all they are right and they will never like to meet a person with empty pockets. To every individual on this planet earth, money is everything and money can buy happiness even. People will embrace you till the day u have money but the day u fall a little they will not even ask that are u ok or do u need any help.

Life will change so will the people but the real face of people can only be seen when you stand in a tough time and they turn their backs away from you. We lived a great past life, we went to restaurants, we ate mcdonalds and shopped etc. so what everybody does when they have money. People should really look into themselves and then say a word to other people. At the end i would like to share a small verse with huge meaning from Quran that:

In surah alam nashra

“Beshak har mushkil ke baad asani hai”

“Indeed after every hard time there’s good time”

People will stay with you till you are useful to them. the day u fall in need of help, some will help u only those who were sincere to u maybe it can be those people whom u never even noticed or they were not even in priority but they stand with u, they come into your life as angels. Because you wanted them and they were to be in your life by the grace of Allah.

As you grow up u learn through experiences u learn to stand after crawling but not at once u fall u cry and then u get up, u stand at ur own. As a kid, u are learning actually u are learning throughout your life; from people and mistakes. U are not living until u fail.

U learn to live through love and failures. Love is the road which can give u the best memories to laugh and cry on, but the bumps can give u those bruises and wounds which will heal but the pain will last forever. The time is cruel after u lose someone u love, and even more when the loved one becomes part of your routine. U cannot live without food as well as love. It's easy to console the broken person but it's not possible to feel the pain as that person is feeling. During this time the emotions are at level best of depression and stress if u cant be nice to them then better stay away bcz they can even harm themselves.

Love is very important in life. If u love someone but can’t tell bcz of some fear.

The fear can be of being rejected or it can be the matter of pride. The matter of our reputation is very sensitive, especially for a girl. A small mistake can break the entire reputation which was made from long and hard work. But people will only bring up the flaws bcz they need a topic to talk on. More importantly,the thing that matters is peace with the reputation u hold, if u have reputation and money but u still feel alone u are not fine.

The hardest part in life is to live without the person whom you cry for days and nights but you can't tell bcz u are afraid of losing the reputation u hold. It's not wrong but it's killing u deep inside. U keep smiling but its only breaking you. It's funny cuz u are ruining yourself. Less to be worried bcz u are being destroyed by love. The part that hits hard and it's all about fate. Being compared to a less experienced person is bad bcz u know that the person hasn't faced any of the circumstances as u did.

“A dream is a wish that your heart makes”

For loving someone you don't have to be perfect. U dont have to change yourself bcz u know that person will accept u no matter what. This is the belief that love brings into our soul. Love happens; it never asks you who I should be with. It's the beauty and the magic of eyes which makes u staring. A fact says that if a person misses you they appear in your dream and if you think about someone alot it means that person was thinking about you first. I believe a lot in these facts bcz they happen a lot. The real fun and peace in love is by burning in the fire of awareness. U keep waiting for the other person to make a move but what to do if the other person is waiting for u.

Okay, I know I'm talking rubbish right now. It's currently 3:14 a.m. and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not in the mood to write in my diary so it's better to keep on writing to keep yourself busy. Life is not in the mood to study all i want to do is to explode up and cry i know why but tears seem to be dried and i no longer have emotions my mind just wants to fall into midnight in a deep conversation with myself or with a trustworthy my heart seems to beat for some reasons that keep giving me the same tensions which i want to remove. It feels like my soul is whirling like a storm. I don't know what to do to scream or to cry or to stay awake or sleep. Sometimes i just want to stay up and think about my future and the choices I'm making but i don't have leisure time.

Hard times will not stay with you forever but at every point of ur life they will make u realize that don't forget where u belong and what u survived in ur past. U can never forget your past bcz ur weakness makes u strong. It's better not to expect alot from people. They can bring u disappointment only or a bit of what u were expecting. U cant eat when ur hands are tied u have to make a move to eat and feed your hunger nobody else is going to do this for you.

Be independent. It's an easy sentence with two words to say but it requires all of your life to be courageous enough to face the coming hurdles. U are going to face many challenges .

“if ur life got harder congratulations !! u just leveled up”.

Smile even if there are 1000 reasons not too but this time during these days it seems to me as if I'm the shining star alone in the sky where clouds are trying to dull my spark but i keep shining the clouds hide me but then i come back. The mechanism of nature also teaches you many lessons of life. If you think deeply, the sun teaches you that after every dusk there is dawn. The sky can't show the glitter of stars without night. The moon tells you it's good to go through phases. The black clouds teach u that when u are loaded after going through many stages its ok to let everything pour out through tears. The average rain can bring happiness to the beings on earth they will feel calm but if it rains more than normal it destroys the belongings of human.Similarly, if we cry normally it freshens our mind but the excess of it leads to depression and damage of internal conditions and peace.

“Excess of everything is bad”

I don't know when girls felt peaceful in their lives, enjoyed and cherished the most beautiful moments of their lives. All the time they have to worry about something even if it's health,dressing,family,friends or some sort of harassment. She cant feel free to live. Talking to a male about life and studies is a crime and is considered something related to flirting and to be feel ashamed on. Something for which the parents can't speak on if they want to. The people thinking in this way for someone's daughter should think that in future they will also have daughters and what if this will happen to them. If today you consider someone else your daughter or sister honestly u have a peaceful and beautiful future.

But if u see girls as some material to be used and thrown u were born to be wrong then even if u say urself muslim or human look at ur habits and inner person it is more worse than animal. You have to change yourself first to change the people around you.

#blogs posts depression stress anxiety health mentalhealth blacklivesmatter umatter 13reasonswhy faultinourstars teenblogs

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loyally-unfaithful · 4 years

Text

—; i’m bad behaviour but i do it in the best way

word count: 6320

pairing: connor | rk800/gender-neutral!reader

genre: fluff; kinda crack treated seriously

summary: « as a wise man once said: “you haven’t lived until you’ve committed at least one blue collar crime” – wh-i… literally no one said that! he sputtered in bewilderment. – i just did… you said as you stomped on your cigarette. or are you calling me unwise? – yes! that’s exactly what i’m calling you! he exclaimed. you chuckled. – oh come on… live a little. it’s not even that bad. you consoled. »

the android before you was conflicted. you could tell from his yellow led, which kept flickering and spinning. the guy was seriously debating this. he’s intrigued. he wants to try it out, you just have to egg him on.

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

you’re sure you had a harder time persuading others compared to this detective model android...

a/n: the time has come. i have inspiration. i have motivation. i managed to unblock myself. i think it’s because of stress? i couldn’t write because of stress lmfao or maybe it’s cuz of that oc x canon snippet i did idk.

both.

and uh, the story went out of hand and evolved by itself.

ping. a small popup in the top right corner of his hud caught his attention as he rearranged his folders, neatly putting them in his bag.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[ 1 ᴺᴱᵂ ᴹᴱˢˢᴬᴳᴱ: Love ]

> hey im outside waiting for u xx Noted. <

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

he quickly replied and picked up the pace, securing his beanie and wrapping his scarf. grabbing his bag, he excused himself: « see you tomorrow, lieutenant. – wait! connor! the younger man stopped in his tracks, and turned to face the lieutenant. – just… you know how i feel about [ y/n ]... the android patiently waited for him to elaborate. – if you don’t feel comfortable doing what they want you to do, just... know that you don’t have to. he instructed. and if they force you, or hu— – hank. he gently interrupted. the older man stopped his tirade, a mix of emotions on his face: surprise. concern. annoyance. mostly concern. – hank, he restarted. i’ll be fine. he reassured him. i know you don’t trust them, and i can’t force you to, but have a little faith. “in me” in that last sentence unspoken. – i… fuck, i know… but- he grumbled. just, if you don’t feel safe, call me. ok? – of course. he answered. »

before stepping out of the building, the android looked back at his father figure, « take care, see you in the morning. », he did a small wave and threw his best pacifying smile. acute scans heard the older man’s resigned sigh and the twinkle of lingering concern in his features.

once out of the building, his sensors noted the drastic drop in temperature, the warmth and ambient brightness of within was replaced by the cold and windy dullness. it was a rather chilly night, clocking in at 14 degrees celsius, wind blowing rather harshly. wrapping his coat tighter around himself, he heads for where you normally park: take a right from the precinct, a few blocks away. when he reached you, you were leaning on your motorbike, preoccupied with something on your phone, and only noticing the android through his footsteps. looking up, you smirked, and stuffed your mobile into your pocket: « glad to see that they freed you, you said, flicking a cigarette butt away. – yes… i hope i didn’t make you wait too long? he greeted back. – nah, it’s fine. »

you chucked the spare helmet you brought towards him—which he caught effortlessly—« come on, i wanna show you something. »

the ride to the destination was uneventful: it was the usual fare. you sped through the traffic, weaving through the different vehicles at a speed connor was sure was much over the speed limit (he has since given up on informing you as you seemed to ignore him, not keen on slowing down anytime soon).

this location seemed to be some distance outside of the city, as the street grew narrower and darker. the sounds of other vehicles no longer accompanying them. all he could hear was the air that you were blazing through and the humming of the motorcycle underneath you. the cold wind blew from the direction you were heading, and he could feel the rush of air against his body, a sensation that, he figured, would feel chilly and unpleasant if he could “feel” cold. still, he instinctively clung tighter to your body to preserve body heat. he watched the scenery change, sights buzzing by; the dark sky grew clearer and clearer, until a few bright stars were visible unlike back in the heart of the city.

the motorcycle slowed down to a halt, and he dismounted the vehicle. « here we are, you struck out a hand to dramatically gesture at the building. my usual haunt. »—the android squinted as he scrutinised the place, but before he could get a good look, his sight abruptly turned to black, his eyes not yet caught up with the sudden change in lighting. it was as if someone turned off the light switch, the world suddenly plunged into darkness. and apparently somebody did: you finally joined him after turning off the bike, killing the only light source. nudging him to alert him of your presence, you pulled out a flashlight from your bag and flicked it on, illuminating the area once more. you headed towards the building, and twirled to face him. « tada! my happy place, where i usually come to relax after weeks of finals. you announced pridefully. »

[ ᴬᴺᴬᴸᵞˢᴵᴺᴳ ]

he regarded the place apprehensively. to say that it was what he expected it to be would be lie: what he expected to be a warm and rustic cottage, one that exudes cosiness, turned out to be the old remains of an unfinished construction, merely the skeleton of what would be commonhold. it was dark and dreary, shadows covering the empty spaces and the walls. some of the surface were left unfinished, making the “building” perforated, cold and unfriendly. brutal, even. It was clearly dirty, not taken care of, with rubble littering the floors. he analysed the building and was concerned over its structural integrity. it didn’t seem that stable… surely you wouldn’t…?

you noticed your boyfriend’s souring impression and quickly tried to redeem the monument in his eyes: « that look on you face… you hate this... don’t you? you winced. your question caught him off guard, causing him to fumble for a recovery. – i-uh… no! it… has a unique charm. – you’re allowed to be honest, you know? you sighed. – it’s … certainly not what i had in mind, he winced. you bit your lip in a nervous smile. it’s far from prim and proper for straight laced connor, but you hope that this doesn’t end in a disastrous date. – give it a chance, let me show you up there… you’ll love it! you grinned, trying to lighten the mood. »

entering the structure almost felt like entering a different reality: the white noises of the outside world, the hooting of owls, the chirping and buzzing of insects and the howl of the wind were dampened as soon as he followed you in. it was a different realm, where shade crawled about and reigned, the silence deafening and oppressive. « mind the step. you alerted him. » the murk did not deter you one bit, and, knowing the layout of the structure by heart, you led him through different twist and turns, avoiding what he deduced would be multiple deadends. only the light of the flashlight illuminating the way. he followed you obediently, not straying too far away from you, at the risk of becoming lost in this labyrinth. he observed the environment, perturbed. the area contained so many potential hazards, and the thought that you frequented this place often distressed him slightly: though he did not doubt your ability to take care of yourself, he didn’t like the idea that you could’ve potentially hurt yourself every time you went here. he snapped out of his musing millimetres away from colliding with you and directed his attention to what you were currently preoccupied by: a ledge that led to the second floor. « hey babe… how much do you weigh? he took a few moments to answer, but you quickly rephrased. – sorry, you chuckled, that turned out more personal that i thought. can you give me a leg up? you nodded at the protruding wall. the stairs that lead to the upper floors are blocked by rubble so i’m afraid this is our only way up. »

he simply nodded, you securing your light on your belt as he put himself in position against the wall to boost you up. the climb went through easily, and you quickly turned around to pull him up after his running jump. you both quickly stood up, the android dusting himself, ridding his clothes of soot and dust, before you start your trek once more.

« i was wondering—assuming you usually frequent this place on your own—how do you get over that wall by yourself? he asked. – with great difficulty, you answered truthfully. the android rolled his eyes. – obviously, he says, in that lilt that never fails to make you chuckle. – yeah? well i hope you’re not too tired today, ‘cause we have a bit more scaling to do. don’t want you slowing me down, you teased. – as if. he scoffed. »

once on the highest floor, you led him towards an open chamber whose floor was largely intact but had a large gaping hole on one side—one that helped ventilate the room who, compared to the rest of the building, was properly aerated, the air much cleaner and safer to breathe than the musty and stale odor down below. the opening allowed the moonlight to bathe the room in a soft glow, illuminating the occupants with an ethereal white. a second source of light caught his attention: a small fire that you ignited inside a metal drum, a flame whose heat was a pleasant contrast to the cold, an ember that highlighted the place with a stark, warm, orange glow against the satellite’s smooth, cold, bluish-white light.

you sat down unceremoniously on a worn out and unfinished windowsill—resembling more like a vaguely rectangular opening—the android joining you on the opposite side. lighting a cigarette, you took a deep breath and sighed, leaning back and gazing into the sable sky decorated by a plethora of stars. the man facing you mimicked your movements and gazed at the celestial bodies, little lights twinkling in the dark, innocent and brilliant. able to take his time to view the heavens, he noted that it resembles an elysian painting, tinted an aegean blue. accompanying the sight was the rumbles of a rock song he wasn’t familiar with, probably from a rock concert a few kilometres away—making a note to find out and identify the venue. he could feel the deep thrumming of the bass and vaguely hear the melody, and though the dampened music made it slightly harder for him to pin it down, he managed to identify it: a hit song from a local indie band. he turned to face you, your form peacefully resting against the wall behind you, eyes closed; features relaxed. breathing deeply, you blew puffs of smoke with a lazy, yet content, smile.

« so? what d’you think? your eyes were directly on him now. i know you had your reservations about this place... »

there was a small twitch in your smile, a tell he caught that told him of your nervousness. despite his previous opinion of this place, he could see why you liked it, and considered it your happy place: it was a distance away from the big city, the air pollution and the noise. it was quieter and calmer here, without any of the loud colours and chatter that never seemed to cease. the location also provided a good view of the woods around it and the elegant skies above, along with ambient music. one that certainly fit your tastes, but at a distance that didn’t make the atmosphere overbearing. it was a good place to recharge; to rest and to think, away from the cumbersome responsibilities, if only for a little while.

« i like it... it has a unique charm. he found himself repeating himself. it’s a good place to escape. – do you? as if a switch was flicked, your uncertain demeanour was replaced with a cheeky grin. i’m glad this place grew on you! you stood up and placed yourself closer to the android, sinking back on him. – i... like places like these and exploring them… just glad i didn’t bore you away. »

you sighed as you settled comfortably against his chest, his arms quickly wrapping around your waist to cradle your form in a tight embrace. he replied with a hum of approval. placing a hand on yours, he brings it up and presses a kiss on your palm. you gently caressed his cheek as he did. « i’m never bored when i get to spend time with you, my love. he says softly, earnestly. – you’re not half bad yourself, babe. you replied. »

he smacked your arm in faux disdain as you placed a kiss on his jaw, and the conversation ended after that. It was quiet, but it wasn’t an awkward silence; no, it was a comfortable one. no other words uttered. just the two of you, the crackle of the flame, your thoughts and the heavens. connor is tracing soothing circles on the back of your hand, resting his head on the top of yours—his focus switching from the galaxy above and you—while you simply relish on the warmth of his presence and hum along to the song playing in the background. though you knew he meant what he said, you notice him start to fidget and become restless. you’re never sure if it was due to the fact that he was a tireless android or if it was simply a tic of his, but he’s unable to simply sit and be. he’s already analysed all that could be analysed in this place, and you know it’s something he can’t help but do. he had a constant need to be up and about, doing something or preoccupying his mind with something.

« beautiful night, tonight, isn’t it? you started, catching his attention. there was a few moments of silence before he answered. – but certainly not as charming as you. – ha. smooth one, anderson. » the flame in the drum is dying, the heat it brought fading away: an attestation of the time that has passed. it’s been that long huh? the band has changed to a different song, though it shows no signs of finishing anytime soon. you decided it was time to put connor out of his misery and do something else.

snapping up unto your feet—startling the android slightly—you offer a hand and pulled him up: « i got an idea. and it’s probably going to sound like a terrible, inane idea… – how foolish are we talking? he asked, unfazed after going through with multiple of your “dates”; including, but not limited to, urban exploration, base jumping, and graffiti (he still doesn’t know why he agreed… he remembers you saying « rebel against the humans! ») – i mean… it’s pretty tame considering the stuff i proposed before. you shrugged. he raised a brow in suspicion. – you... might be charged with criminal trespass… you admit and he looks horrified. but! but! you continued. that’s only if you get caught! which you wouldn’t be if you’re with me! you reassured him. – what are you planning to do, exactly? – i was thinking about sneaking in the concert and just bask in the energy. head for the moshpit or something. you’re bouncing off your ideas, hoping it might interest him. have fun, enjoy the music. – i’ve researched that venue, it’s a private property! do you know the charges that’ll be pressed against you? he asked, perplexed. – duh! it’s a misdemeanour trespass, as is stated in the michigan penal code: county jail for 30 days and/or a fine. section 750.552.. you answered nonchalantly. it don’t really matter! as i said: we won’t get caught. – how are so calm about breaking these laws? he questioned, perplexed. for a law student, you seem so adamant to break them… – look, con. i’m not gonna force you to do this. i love you, and i understand that you have a reputation to uphold, being a detective and all. you assured him. i don’t want you to feel that i’m peer pressuring you into this. – i… i don’t.. you notice how his eyes shift, looking to the far left, unable to make eye contact. you notice that he’s conflicted, that he wants to do this, but doesn’t. you sigh. – look, we can walk back to the bike while you think about it, and you can tell me your decision once we’re there. alright? »

he doesn’t answer, but you know he heard you, so you start to make your way back down, the android following you wordlessly. once down by your bike, you lean on it—rather similarly to how he met you earlier today—and nod at him: « so? what’s you’re decision? – this sounds like a bad idea… still disagreeing, but not outright denying it. you meant what you said: you don’t want to make him do what he doesn’t want to do, but a partner in crime doesn’t sound half bad. you huff. – connor anderson. the connor anderson himself, who snuck into jericho. the same one who infiltrated cyberlife tower in what seemed to be a suicide mission. is scared of a little trespassing? you teased. live a little! – i don’t see how me committing a crime would contributes to my satisfaction with life. – haven’t you heard? as a wise man once said: “you haven’t lived until you’ve committed at least one blue collar crime” – wh-i… literally no one said that! he sputtered in bewilderment. – i just did… you said as you stomped on your cigarette. or are you calling me unwise? – yes! that’s exactly what i’m calling you! he exclaimed. you chuckled. – oh come on… live a little. it’s not even that bad. you consoled. »

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

you seat yourself on your bike and turn back to face him: « so, are you in? a moment of silence. the android seemed to have a renewed confidence. – as a law enforcement officer, what’s stopping me from arresting you right now? his eyes held a newfound determination. you smirked lazily. – absolutely nothing. »

he swears to god, or ra9, or whatever higher power there is, that you will be the death of him.

« get off. your ordered. he followed the command without a word. – we’re gonna walk the rest of the way. you added. »

the concert venue was now at a reasonable distance away, and it was within eyeshot. however, that also meant that everything was much louder. he could now feel the boom of the loud music, and make out the lyrics.

« so i’ve stalked this place before, and i know an entry. here’s the plan: we’re gonna immediately go to the right side. the fence that side is less guarded, since there’s a ditch that leads there; we can hide in there. however there was a drone, just one, and a cctv camera—and we also need to look out for guards—alors fais gaffe1 ok? this far along and he still seemed hesitant, so you give one final push. – too late to back out now buddy. you’ll be fine though. just follow my lead and disable that camera. – wait! you glanced back at him. once inside, what do we do? – just act natural and have fun. you grinned. » and with that, you took off, making your way to the future crime scene. he sighed, still unsure on how you managed to coerce him into this, but jogged to catch up to you.

you hopped down in the ditch, connor not too far behind, and you quickly mentioned, while pointing at a sign that said “no androids allowed”: « by the way, you might want to keep that led of yours hidden. i’ve got some bobby pins if you need ‘em. you motioned to the beanie that he was currently adjusting. »

once he seemed satisfied with his changes, you asked him if he could tamper with the camera, which he swiftly disabled. you come out of your little hiding space and start climbing up the chain link fence, telling connor to keep an eye out for the security drone currently patrolling. what you forgot to tell him was the part where you were going to take it out, catching the android off guard as you throw yourself off the top part of the fence you were clinging on onto the passing drone. your swinging and flailing, combined with your weight pulling it down, caused the contraption to crash and the android—who seemed to have snapped out of his stupor—grabbed a metal pipe lying near the barrier and proceeded to smash the machine. chucking the object to the side, he went to help you up on you feet: « are you alright? – i’m fine. you looked at the metallic junk that was once a drone. we make a pretty good team, don’t you think? he looked back at the destroyed drone. – i don’t want to keep thinking about it… – destruction of property. you clicked your tongue. i’m proud of you con. you pretended to wipe a tear off your eyes. – let’s just go. he turned away , and you follow him up the fence with a chuckle. – cheer up con. you hopped over the chain. it’s okay… you’ve done worse. »

he was about to retort, when a figure seemed to head your way, and you both managed to duck out into a corner before being discovered by the flashlight. when it was clear, you snuck out of the hiding spot and proceeded to join the masses. it was different. he’s never been to a concert before. sure, he was a fan of rock, often listening to it with hank, but experiencing it live was so very different. he knew it would be loud, deafening, but he didn’t expect the surge of excitement and vivacity. it was exhilarating, a completely different world: the bright colours, the loud ambiance, the energy of the music. the android couldn’t help, but let himself get a bit excited. he was glad he decided to come though he’d never admit it to you.

you both floated around the edge of the crowd, the venue being full. it wasn’t a particularly big place, but there were quite a lot of people there, you mused out loud. must be a pretty popular band, their song being catchy enough. at some point or another, you both cheered along with the crowd (though he was much meeker in his cries), and for some reason, decided to try and wade through the people to get closer to the front—the moshpit—this time, the android seemed to play along with your plan without complaint.

he sort of wished he had now. you don’t really know when it happened, whether it was when you rummaged through the people or during a collision while moshing, lost in the intensity of the crowd—every member in state of ecstatic delirium. the beanie came off. when he realised, he quickly hid his led, which was a disturbed yellow, and notified you. you didn’t have to hear what he said to know what was happening. you quickly led him towards the “exit”, the immediate crowd—who saw the black sheep—parting like the red sea as you crossed, but as your neared the edge of the venue security finally reached and cornered you. you quickly placed yourself besides connor, sending across a relaxed body language. you discreetly grabbed his hand, and whispered « play along » which he wouldn’t have heard if he were human.

« how may we help you sir? you asked, flashing your friendliest smile. – i’m concerned about this friend of yours… his eyes glanced at your boyfriend, but you keep your eyes on him. connor was unfazed. perhaps because he trusted your ability in getting yourselves out of this mess—awww, you’re flattered—or that his model are used to high stress environment—most likely, but you certainly hope it was also because of the former. this was a darker area of the place, so it would obscure most of your features, and the band was still playing in the background—ignorant to the revelation—which would somewhat hide your voices. – what about him? curt and indignant. – androids are not allowed in this area. he pointed to the anti-android post outside the fence. the fence that led to freedom. i’m going to have to bring him in for trespass, and you for smuggling him in. androids were recognised as their own sentient species, but laws protecting them have yet to be passed: android-free zones were still legal. most places in the city removed their anti-android signs, but people from the periphery seemed more resistant to change. fuck. – oh that old thing? the led? that don’t prove nothing. you shrugged. be cool [y/n]. it’s just a temporary tattoo. motherfucker lost a bet. you thank whatever gods above that the rk800 models could somewhat control their led colour, so that his remained blue. – is that so? he turned to connor. you seemed adamant on hiding that led of yours. the asshat must have a grudge against androids, huh? You wished he’d just kick you out. make life easier for both parties. – it’s a fake tattoo. he played along. and it’s a bad one at that—i don’t want to be associated with those plastics… he grumbled. you cackled. – well, maybe you shouldn’t have lost that bet, michael. the guard in front of you grunted, displeased. he really wanted to bring in an android huh? prove something to someone? or just pure malice? you never really paid attention in psych class. – if that’s the case, since you’re both humans, i’d like to see your ticket. »

you went rigid. clenching your jaw you planned your next course of action. you have your phone in your pocket, but there was nothing. you could surrender it, and run away as he was distracted, but he could then trace it back to you and press charges… you could fight? the both of you could easily overpower him, outrunning him wouldn’t be a problem either. but you’ll never hear the end of it if you decided to hurt someone when you had a more pacifist option, so you chose to run. it was abrupt. you were in a standoff, one party waiting for the other to make their move. and all of the sudden you make a break for it and dash off for the fence, your partner running for it too. there was a bit of a scuffle but you managed to fend him off long enough for you to scramble up the fence. the man quickly caught up and yanked your leg—alarming you—though a well placed kick from the other freed you long enough to jump off into the other side, ready to make a dash for your life as you land.

the two of you ran until you reached your bike, which was quite a distance away (thank fuck for that, at least he won’t follow you that far—unless he’s really fucking persistent), where you collapsed on the spot and panted slightly. the android himself was looking slightly weary. heavy breathing turned into wheezing laughter as the absurdity of what just transpired settled into your mind.

« i can’t believe that actually happened! you exclaimed between laughs. – we barely got out of there! he chided. we were almost arrested! – but we weren’t. told ya’ con. should’a believed me. you tsk-ed, having calmed down from the giggles. i’m insulted to be quite honest. you exploded into another fit of laughter. – i don’t know how i managed to get you to do this with me! you howled. – never again. he stated, a finality in his tone. – oh come on, you loved it. you rolled your eyes. he stared at you in silence, unimpressed. it was true, but you’ll never hear that from him. – i hate you, he frowned. – love you too babe, you responded, running a hand through your hair. »

he sighed and let himself fall beside you. taking out your backpack once more, you rummaged through and handed him an item: an inconspicuous water bottle. when asked what it was, you answered « thirium. that’s what you guys drink right? » as you opened your own water bottle, gulping down its content. he informed you that androids don’t need to constantly replenish the thirium in his body like humans did with water—only drinking them when they have lost a significant amount—but that he appreciated the gesture. “it’s the thought that counts”.

you huffed, slightly bashful, going into a tirade about how you can’t keep up with the constantly evolving technology. « you’re starting to sound like hank now. » he chuckled and you grimaced and pretended to vomit in response, though you joined him in his laughter. you both spent time sitting there. just breathing. coming down from your adrenaline rush.

« wanna crash at my place? you offered. – i’d be more than happy to, he obliged. »

that night, you both slept like a rock. well, you did. you completely conked out. connor peacefully entered stasis as he usually did. you arrived at your flat sometime in the morning and passed out. barely managing to blearily have a “shower”—dousing yourself in water—before passing out.

come later in the morning—when the light shone softly and the white noise of the city: ambient sound of traffic, chatter, chirping of pigeons—you were sleeping peacefully when you felt someone shift beside you, rousing you slightly from your slumber. you groaned as your head gains enough coherence to remember about university and the brunt of the waking world. think you’re gonna play hooky today. maybe kenneth can take notes for you… you made a note to ask him later...

unwrapping himself from you, your partner stood up to get ready to go to work—going off to change into neater clothings that he stored in your house and getting decent—and went off to prepare a pot of coffee for you and stick bread in the toaster. feeling the sudden loss of heat as he went away, your sleep heavy mind blindly felt the portion of the bed that he usually slept on—the right—patting it, looking for the missing presence. this went on for a few minutes and your limb felt heavy as your tired body fell back asleep. you resigned to simply poke your arm from under the cover, hoping it’d catch someone. you were half asleep when the reaching hand finally found something, as it was held and gently guided to another’s cheek, yet another kiss pressed on your palm. you felt your heart melt, and hummed approvingly. « stay. you mumbled. he smiled at your naïve request. – i have to go to work. – skip work… f… ight the government… you yawned. – you know i can’t do that, my love. – i… order you... you sleep riddled mind was struggling to keep up as you slowly dozed again. to… – i’ll see you again this evening, i’ll be right back. oh yeah it’s saturday, you reminded yourself. no classes. you mentally cheered. – okk… you were going to pass out again. »

his warmth left you, and you find yourself yearning for it again. before he left, he glanced back towards you—practically buried under the duvet, only visible as a lump under the blanket and the hand poking through the right side. « i love you, [y/n] »

you were too gone to reply, but regardless, he left for work with a small smile.

work went on as usual. filling reports was boring, but it had to be done. at least he could finish them in record time, built to be more efficient at it than your typical human officer. being a detective assigned to the anti-android crimes taskforce, it was rather quiet right now, and though he was grateful that androids weren’t being harmed, it was terribly boring. though colin, who had to start all the way back at the beginning as a beat cop, seemed to be enjoying a peaceful break. he sighed for the umpteenth time as he fidgeted and fiddled with his coin, having already abused the fun out of his multiple pens and pencils. he missed spending time with you; at least it was exciting and unpredictable (getting to be with you is an enjoyable bonus). he stared blankly at his coin and sighed again. his father figure gave him a look across the desk—“did anything happen?”. he shook his head.—“no nothing bad or dangerous happened while i was with [y/n].”. the android then asked if he fancied a cup of coffee from the coffee shop across the road. the old man simply grunted.

« you can just take a walk, you don’t need to use me as a fucking excuse. – alright. he answered placidly. »

the android thought about walking to stretch his legs. maybe go to that bakery that you fancied so much. you did like the strawberry shortcake a crazy amount. but as he would find out, the slow and easy moments shouldn’t be taken for granted: a very disgruntled man, who stormed in to file a police report, happened to run in with the android, still somewhat deep in his musings. oh boy was he in for a rude awakening.

they both promptly apologise, however, once they saw each other they instantly recognised each other—though the detective kept his face neutral. « you! you’re the fucking android that trespassed into a restricted area! he accused. straight faced, he replied calmly. – i am indeed an android, but i believe you may have accused the wrong one. there often many iterations of the same model. he cursed his stars and the fates that put him in this situation. one that meant he was, as hank would put it, in deep shit. »

he was glad most people didn’t know there were only 2 rk800 currently in circulation: him and his brother, colin, whom he was trying to contact. as connor continued trying to placate the angry man, and deny his involvement in anything, he heard his brother’s voice come through.

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[ ᵂᴴᴬᵀ'ˢ ᵁᴾ? ] > [ ᵀᴴᴱᴿᴱ ᴵˢ ᴬ ᴹᴬᴺ ᴼᵁᵀ ᴴᴱᴿᴱ, ᶜᴸᴱᴬᴿᴸᵞ ᵛᴱᴿᵞ ᶜᴿᴼˢˢᴱᴰ, ᵂᴴᴼ ᵂᴼᵁᴸᴰ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᵀᴼ ᶠᴵᴸᴱ ᴬ ᴾᴼᴸᴵᶜᴱ ᴿᴱᴾᴼᴿᵀ. ] he decided to give him a clear picture.

[ SENDING AUDIO-VISUAL FEED TO RK800 #313 248 317-60—COLIN ] [ LINK ESTABLISHED. WAITING PERMISSION… ] [ ACCEPTED. ]

> [ ᴬ ᵀᴿᴱˢᴾᴬˢˢ ᴼᴺ ᴾᴿᴵᵛᴬᵀᴱ ᴾᴿᴼᴾᴱᴿᵀᵞ ᴮᵞ ᴬ ᴰᴱᵛᴵᴬᴺᵀ ] there was a moment of silence before his brother replied. [ ᵂᴴᴬᵀ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴴᴱᴸᴸ ᴰᴵᴰ ᵞᴼᵁ ᵀᵂᴼ ᴳᴱᵀ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴸᴬˢᵀ ᴺᴵᴳᴴᵀ? ] > [ ᴵ ᴬᴾᴾᴿᴱᶜᴵᴬᵀᴱ ᴴᴼᵂ ᵞᴼᵁ ᴵᴹᴹᴱᴰᴵᴬᵀᴱᴸᵞ ᴬˢˢᵁᴹᴱᴰ ᴵᵀ ᵂᴬˢ ᵁˢ. ] connor replied, sarcastic but devoid of humour. [ ᵂᴱᴸᴸ? ᵂᴬˢ ᴵᵀ ᴿᴱᴬᴸᴸᵞ ᵞᴼᵁ ᵀᵂᴼ? ] the android, who somehow felt a migraine develop—even though that shouldn’t be possible—sighed. > [ ᴸᴼᴺᴳ ˢᵀᴼᴿᵞ ˢᴴᴼᴿᵀ, ᵂᴱ ᵀᴿᴱˢᴾᴬˢˢᴱᴰ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴬᴺ ᴬᴿᴱᴬ ᵂᵂ ˢᴴᴼᵁᴸᴰ'ᵛᴱ ᴬᵛᴼᴵᴰᴱᴰ. ] > [ˢᴱᴺᴰ ᴴᴱᴸᴾ? ] [ ᵞᴼᵁ? ᶜᴼᴹᴹᴵᵀᴱᴰ ᴬ ᶜᴿᴵᴹᴱ ᴼᴺ ᵞᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᵂᴺ ᵛᴼᴸᴵᵀᴵᴼᴺ? ]

the android could hear his brother cackle at his misery. though outside of earshot, the sound echoes in his mind as the link was not yet severed.

[ ᴺᴬᴴ, ᵞᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴼᴺ ᵞᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᵂᴺ ᴼᴺ ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᴼᴺᴱ ] [ ᴳᴼᴼᴰ ᴸᵁᶜᴷ ᵀᴴᴼᵁᴳᴴ. ] [ ᴴᴬᴺᴷ'ˢ ᴳᴼᴺᴺᴬ ᴮᴱ ᴾᴵˢˢᴱᴰ ] and with that, his brother abandoned him.

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the man was absolutely irate, convinced that he was the one who trespassed in the venue—he wasn’t wrong—be he kept accusing someone of the same profile as him, but named “michael”. you really did him a favour on that one. it seemed like salvation had come however, as hank intercept the confrontation—the man calmed down after seeing a human officer. his brother must’ve informed the lieutenant (connor wants to thank him, but not), knowing how the appearance of two rk800s would only aggravate the situation. through a stroke of luck, the man didn’t have enough evidence to successfully file a report—against an rk800 named “michael”... who didn’t exist.

but to say that hank was pissed was an understatement. thus begins the walk of shame as hank demanded to « talk in private ». at the end of a severe tongue-lashing, decorated with many “fuck”s and “shit”s, he was in a sour mood and positively fuming. forget the shortcake. he was absolutely going to get back at you for this.

you were snoozing peacefully, off in dreamworld, when you woke up to the buzzing of your phone. groggy, you ran you hand under the pillows and felt for the object until you found it. checking it revealed that you 27 missed calls from an unknown number and a few message from them:

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unknown number [ two missed message ]

> what the fuck did you get connor into? > ???????

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bzz. bzz. a new message?

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unknown number [ 1 new message ]

> i know you saw the messages, fuckibg answer

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you also had a new message from connor, though his message didn’t bode well for you either:

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connard2 anderson <3 [ 1 missed message ]

> we need to talk. > ):<

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the use of the emoji made you chuckle, but you were scared of what the future brought for you. oh boy… you were in deep shit weren’t you…

e͟p͟i͟l͟o͟g͟u͟e͟:

you lived to see another day. hank gave you an even more brutal scolding than what connor received, and you swore that if this were a shitty choice-that-matters game you’d see a metre for his friendship go down. not that there was much there in the first place.

connor gave an even more punishing sanction: he gave you the absolute silent treatment for a month. no talking, no hugs nor cuddles, and only the odd texts once in a blue moon. an absolutely miserable 31 days for you, spent by sulking. safe to say this was a punishment you’ll never forget, and one that will discourage you from ever trying that kind of stunt ever again.

or at least when connor’s around. it’s free game when it’s just you by yourself. connor knows this and simply sighs in resignation and just hopes you don’t get yourself in potentially future career ruining situation...

f͟o͟o͟t͟n͟o͟t͟e͟s

1. french expression that i was too lazy to translate, essentially means “watch out/stay alert”,,, somewhere along those lines, but informal. 2. connard is a french word pronounced almost like connor, but it means shithead. reader i have a strange sense of humour.

like my work? consider buying me a coffee // checking out my masterlist | links can be found on my desc

#detroit: become human #detroit: become human x reader #dbh x reader #connor dbh x reader #rk800 dbh x reader #connor detroit: become human #connor rk800 #rk800-60 dbh #falselywrites #crosspost from main acc

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dangan-happy · 3 years

Note

Beep boop, I’m stuck on the chicken coop

[ Is extreme loneliness a tw ? I’m kind of vulgar sometimes too sorry] i’m she/her, you may call me Evelyn.

To Rantaro Amami & Nagito Komaeda.

I’m writing it on the spot so maybe what I will say won’t make sense sometimes but to get into it I just feel emptiness and loneliness since maybe i’m 12 and i will turn 18 in few days. Ikr it’s pathetic. It’s not like i don’t have friends or don’t know how to make ones, I even find surprising the number of peoples that want to befriend me without i do anything but I definitely can’t keep them in the long run and I’m tired of this shit.

all i know is destroying and bring chaos, i can’t take care of my relationship and myself properly by giving love and affection the way it’s supposed to be because of the dumb tsundere i am, my trust issues and how i’ve been educated. I constantly feel like my heart is sick as one of my friends text me, I feel like whatever i may say is trash cuz i have interest nobody cares and im a weirdo and my life is weird as well and because of that I can’t even text back like a brat even for people i know really cares of me and push always further when i will respond to them and spoiler alert i never do. And it sucks even more cuz im mostly supposed to be that big sis friend. My trust issues does that i can’t totally open up to people anymore, i don’t want to be seen as weak, i don’t want to be a burden and they probably won’t understand or know what to do about me anyway. I rather ear others peoples problems, supress my feelings and put that clown mask i own so no one really know how i feel. Joke is that people usually think i’m someone accomplished, carefree and confident in myself. Knowing that just fill me with despair and make me think that maybe i will always be alone in this world. I keep pushing peoples away, i don’t know how to cop with my feelings, i’m hard to decrypt and i over analyze things, it’s settled if i don’t change.

But this is also a piece of me and that loneliness did bring good things in my life that i don’t want to loose, i may be all by myself but I’ve never feel more generous and selfless to counterbalance that bad luck. i´ve been acoustumed to it, i’ve started to use that loneliness to concentrate on the things where i am successful, so making money, school and arts... and focus on things that makes me forget the pain, mangas, traveling, food...and all my 11037 others hobbies.

The idea is that i explore everything the world had to offer for someone like me. That rather being loved and cherish i should act for all theses peoples burdened by theses relationship for the world, for the future, for the truth via everything i think is fine to have an impact on this earth. But in the end I just can’t deal with that loneliness, i’ve realized that i’m the definition of touch starved and everything that does mean having little to no contact with others humans being that can exist. In the end all the hope i gather just fade.

Thanks for reading me rambling.

Hey Evelyn, I dunno, I don't think that extreme loneliness is a tw kind of thing, but you never know. Hey, you don't have to apologize for being vulgar. We don't exactly have writing requirements for asks, that would just be kinda weird. Again, it's ok, I usually answer asks on the spot because that's when I have most of my ideas flowing. Don't worry, I think I'll be able to get the picture. Do you mean 17 instead of 12? I'm just gonna assume that's a typo. Alright, it's not pathetic. Any pain or issues you experience are not pathetic, ever. If it's causing you stress or pain, then it's not pathetic, it's a valid, legit thing that's going on in your life. I'm honestly glad to hear that you don't have any problems in the socializing/making friends department. So it's sounding like you're getting overwhelmed by the amount of people in your life, and that's completely understandable. I'm a major people pleaser, so I spend way too much of my time and energy trying to cater to way too many people at a time. Is this similar to what you're feeling? Either way, it's ok for you to keep people at a distance. You aren't obligated to get to know them if it's too much for you. Everyone has their limits, and that's ok. Do what's healthiest for you, just be nice if you're talking to them, and know that it doesn't have to go further than that.

Don't beat yourself down for not showing or giving affection in the "right" way. I'm seeing this more and more nowadays, everyone isn't always equipped to handle things the "right" way, and that's not your fault. You can't help how you were educated, that's out of your control. Trust issues are a serious thing, and you're not expected to just get over them. Yeah, it's possible for you to work on them, so I would try working with that a little. Be gentle and take it slow, you can move at your own pace. Don't call yourself dumb either, you're not. There's nothing wrong with being a tsundere, I mean unless you're actually attacking people you're interested in. That right there might be crossing a line, but other than that, I think you're fine.

Ok, it's ok if you don't feel like texting people back, that doesn't have to do with you being a bad person, you're not feeling it and that's ok. "Being left on read" has so many negative connotations with it, but in a lot of cases the person just doesn't have the social or emotional energy to answer. I'd try to answer eventually when you feel up to it, at least within a span of a day at the most, but if you're not feeling it in the moment, that's totally ok. Even if your friends aren't into the same interests you are, you aren't weird. I can understand feeling out of place, but I promise you you and your interests aren't weird. Your friends care about you even if they aren't into the same things you are. I recommend looking online for communities who are into the same things you are to fill that void if you want to, just be safe because the internet is a hellhole. Man anon, this next part sounds just like me. I do the same thing, play the big brother role, I don't open up, I don't wanna be a burden, I don't wanna be seen as weak, I'd rather ear other people's problems and the like. Hell, I've adopted like 20 different internet siblings. I wouldn't say I'm a clown, (hopefully) but I do get the mask thing. It's ok if you don't want to open up, no one's making you. If you feel comfortable doing so, then great! And if not, that's ok too. It's amazing that you're a person who's there to take care of others, but it's ok to worry about yourself too. It sounds ridiculous coming from me, I'm really not practicing what I preach, but if you need to worry about yourself over someone else, that's ok. It's also ok if you don't know how you're feeling.

Emotions are a train wreck, and everyone's trying to figure out what the hell's going on at one time or another. As strange as it sounds, it's a good thing that you're aware of the problems you have. Honestly you're right, it's settled if some of these changes don't happen, but you do have time to change things. It doesn't matter how much time has passed or how old you are, you still have time to work on things. It doesn't matter when you start, it matters that you start. Yeah, being alone isn't always a bad thing, I can totally agree on that. I'm glad you've found success in so many other places, that's amazing and I'm real proud of you. I'm really glad there's some silver lining for you, and you're clearly using it well. I think that it's important to know how to function on your own as well as with people, so you're halfway there in the grand scheme of things! Your idea of exploring the world is noble, I'll give you that, but you deserve to be loved and cherished just like everyone else in the world. It's seriously ok to worry about yourself, it's not selfish and you do deserve it. It's ok, people aren't meant to be alone 24/7, what you're feeling is natural. You're right, you can gather all the hope in the world, but if you don't do anything for yourself, you will fade away. Sorry if that came out a little harsh, but I think you're right on that. Again, you seem super self aware about these kinds of things, and that's real good. You know what needs to happen to make changes, and while I wish I could be the one to guide you through that, I can't. This is stereotypical, but I think you should consider talking to a professional. They would be able to give you a little more guidance and the right support you need, and while it might be uncomfortable to think about, I really think it'll benefit you in the long run, if that makes sense.

Evelyn, you're really not a terrible person. You deserve so much, and I know you don't see that right now, but I'm hoping that some day you will. You're a great person who just needs to learn to extend the same amount of kindness you do to others to yourself. This response is long as hell, and I hope I was able to keep it making sense. It's totally ok if you were rambling, I think I am too. Again, I really hope that this was able to help you out. If you need anything else, feel free to send in another ask ok? You got this, I know it feels impossible and hopeless, but it's not. I know you can do this, all you gotta do now is convince yourself that you can.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #rantaro amami #mod rantaro

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fairycosmos · 4 years

Note

I’m not trying to dump my problems on you, but I really need to get this out. I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship and I’m super confused about my sexuality...... idk if I’m asexual/gay/bi/straight or whatever I literally have no clue and I’m scared of people and intimacy and I can’t imagine myself being in love and spending the rest of my life with someone

hey, you’re not dumping your problems on me at all. and it’s really ok not to know! i understand that it’s confusing and painful and there is stability in being able to find an identity that ‘fits’ you, but getting to that point is not fast or easy for most. and while that’s frustrating, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you at all. i promise. even if you do eventually come to some personal conclusions, sexuality is a fluid thing for a lot of people. it’s not always definitive, or like 100% certain. above all, there’s truly no wrong answer or way to feel. if you’ve never been in a relationship then it’s no surprise that you’re unsure about who/what you like, because you have no points of reference. i want to stress that it’s veryyyy normal to be single in early adulthood. i know it seems like literally everyone else in the whole world had some amazing love story in their teens/college years but seriously, it is so so common to be inexperienced at your age. your brain is just making you notice those who are in relationships more because you crave it. but my older sisters has friends who are in the same boat as you and she’s 22. if you want my initial suggestion, i think it’d be a good idea to focus on why you’re so scared of intimacy and love before you focus on who you’re attracted to. because once you’re actively trying to cope with those feelings of doubt and insecurity, you’ll be able to put yourself out there a little more, which may result in the answers you’ve been looking for. the natural progression of your life may offer a lot of solutions. taking care of yourself and your own mental health must come before love, or looking for it, even though thats way easier said than done…..but remember, there’s no incorrect self. try to block out the world and what it’s telling you you should feel, and go off of whats in your heart. if it’s still just unclear, that’s alright. it just means you’re not ready yet, and there’s truly no rush. anyway, i think your anxiety and the critical way in which you view yourself is stopping you from being able to explore the idea of dating all together. you think everyone sees you the way you see yourself, so you think you must be some unlovable thing….but that’s not true at all. sometimes our minds spin us these false narratives when we’ve been hurt in the past, or when we’re dealing with unacknowledged mental/emotional issues…..your brain is bullying you, and you cant trust everything it tells you. no matter how true it seems. i really believe if you work on getting along with yourself, even if it feels completely ridiculous and fake at first, then the rest will follow. do you think it’s possible that you could talk to a professional about this? (after this pandemic, of course.) it can be anyone, maybe your doctor could refer you to a therapist, or if there’s a counseling service in your area? or a support group for ppl who are struggling? i have a very limited perspective of you, but to me it looks like your low self esteem/ your low self confidence is what’s igniting all of this. you’re scared of people so you can’t even begin to imagine who you’d enjoy spending your life with. but you CAN get help for that. you CAN talk about it and learn how to come to terms with it. you have to believe thats true for you. i get that it’s an extremely daunting idea, and you don’t have to do anything right now. but please keep that thought in the back of your mind no matter how much you want to push it away. you are not alone, and you don’t have to carry the weight of this as if you are. there’s also a lot of info online, lgbt forums/forums of people dealing w self hatred that may be of some comfort, and of course there’s always the option of calling a hotline if you want further advice. you see, you’re not trapped. and you don’t have to have this all worked out any time soon. but if you start making small and healthy changes to the way you treat yourself, then i think that’d be a really great step in the right direction. and more and more growth will spring from it. even if it just looks like complimenting yourself in the mirror, or repeating self affirmations or journaling and giving a voice to your feelings. these techniques aren’t supposed to solve everything, they’re just supposed to help. anyway, i can really really relate to what you’re dealing with, like i literally….i know im bi, but i cant imagine ever letting anyone touch me ever again. i’d just feel bad for them having to look at my face, having to be around me….that’s not healthy though, and i know that if i want connection THAT badly, i’m going to have to work on letting go of those unhealthy mindsets to some extent. even if it takes months, or years. but lets do it together, ok? one day at a time, working with whats in our control. if you need a friend or someone to talk to, dont hesitate to hmu. and i apologize for how long it took me to reply. im sending a lot of love, i hope you and your family are safe/healthy rn 💖

#anon

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tslasvegas · 4 years

Text

Episode 12: “I’ve been awakened.” - Xavier

Well that vote went exactly how I had hoped it would... and then the super idol came out! I'm glad that it's out of the game now once and for all, but I guarantee that Liv is going to find something else along the way. It's so hard for me to summarize everything that I'm doing around here because I feel like I'm doing a lot. Maybe that's going to come bite me in the ass this coming vote but idk, I'm not mad about it. I definitely limited myself a lot by really not going for the money shot and convincing Jeff to use his vote steal on Joey to get Joey the hell out of here, but maybe in some weird way it works. Because now I have John's 8 chips and I'm going to need as many as I can get to somehow beat Livingston. I definitely think that snubbing this vote is going to be my biggest detriment only bc it provides the opportunity for Livingston to ascend higher as a threat, but also avoid getting voted out at our next convenience. I still really want Kailyn to go, but I think the goal for everyone else is to get rid of Livingston or myself (maybe Joey) at the next tribal council. Ugh. Heh... I never would've thought that I could pull off that kind of a move and have it not fully work out in my favor. It was a cool feeling regardless and I'm not crushed if it means I played myself out of the game. I give myself credit where it's due, I'm going to continue fighting as always and hopefully I come out on top :~)

Last Luxor standing

youtube

Whelp, there goes the Super Idol. Jaiden is a snakey little snake snake. Pat and Jeff are naïve as all hell. I'm not 100% sure I believe Jaiden now, but apparently Joey's plan was to cut me at like final 6 or something. And people are so convinced that Livingston and I are a duo. I mean we are, but like maybe if anyone would ACTUALLY FUCKING TALK TO ME AND TRY TO WORK WITH ME, we wouldn't be??? Like don't whine and bitch that Livingston and I are a duo who are going to stick together and not turn against each other if you can't even be bothered to respond to a single fucking message of mine. I have no issues voting out whoever is necessary for me to get farther in the game. But when only a limited number of people express in interest in going farther with me? You better fucking bet I'm working with those people. Anyways, can't wait to vote out Jaiden, Kailyn and Xavier. xoxo Gossip Girl

Waiting on Immunity Results, but whatever happens the 5 of us need to vote together, and be smart about it! We know that liv, Keegan and Joey will vote together. Probably for me next. So Jeff Pat need to stick with us. We need to split the votes 3-2, and use a vote steal, cancel or extra to get it to 3-3 just in case of idols. We need to be smart about this. Going all out and proposing this once results are in. I am going to the Jury next anyway, go out guns blazing.

...five seconds later

OMG I WON IMMUNITY! Finally something good! I figured most people gave their correct numbers, and if not, just chose a number close to theirs. OR they didn't coordinate so well, so some gave a higher number and others gave a lower one, so it cancelled out. Also helps that I knew Liv and Pat's numbers with the advantage. Pat gave mine accidentally so I knew his was in the 40s as well. Phew. Now to figure out whether to use the Steal a Vote now or not.

I came so close to winning immunity but it was rudely snatched away from me by Xavier. On the plus side, Livingston found the hidden immunity idol on the idol board! Heck yeah! As long as there isn’t a full blindside we should be good now!

(originally written 11/23, night after super idol) Anyways what rly bugs me is that Jeff is actually mad at me now for the fact that he wasted his vote on Joey and I tried to get rid of Livingston instead... and I think I put myself into a spot where I need to apologize to him and make him feel good about me again. Tbh no I don’t. Jeff said to me that he’s got to play his own game first and mine second. So why am I playing some other people’s games first? Because it benefits me to play everyone’s hand for them, yes, but also I’ve been caught trying to run the entire table a little too early. So maybe now it’s time for me to do something a little different - play my game first. It’s now fully Jeff’s fault that Joey didn’t leave. I told Jeff precisely what he needed to do to ensure Joey went home. He needed to play the vote steal and send Joey on packing... and he didn’t. So now when Pat and I finally talk tomorrow and he tells me what’s up, I’m not gonna hold back. I’m going to throw Jeff under that bus so fucking hard his head will spin. Pat doesn’t know about the vote steal and I think I’ll hold that piece of information over Jeff’s head a little bit longer - I know something no one else knows about you, keep me safe or it’s coming out and everyone’s going to come after you. So tomorrow I will blame Jeff to Pat. Sure I was the person who made the move, but it’s my game and I’m playing it now. If Pat doesn’t like my apology, then kiss my ass and take eighth place. Bye!

...five seconds later

I'm pessimistic as FUCK so I'm fully expecting to go home tonight and I'm writing this confessional against better judgment because I need to rly focus on letting my mental state get back to normal rather than Survivor mode before I get voted out lmfao. Anyways, tonight is FINALLY the night where I'm making my last move against Joey, one way or another. This is the decision that will either determine oops sorry as I was writing that, I just realized something else... this is ME making yet another move that makes Jeff think I'm controlling the whole entire game I love that for me hehe. Should I convince the entire tribe to vote out Jeff instead??? Let's go fully with the chaos mode. DRAW ROCKS BITCHES!!!! Jk Jk Back to my original point - this is the vote that determines whether I was worth being brought back for this game or not. I'm not trying to be this like crazy strategist who has all these cracked plans to take out Joey but that's where we're at rn. One side of me like, trusts Jeff but the other side of me doesn't. So I told Jeff about Joey's legacy advantage and now it's like, getting Jeff to want to turn on Joey. Even though Joey told me he wanted to get rid of Jeff it seems like Jeff is not as stressed about it. I'm pretty sure Jeff turned votes against me instead, it is what it is. It's the game. However, Jeff would be really stupid to not vote out Joey now while he has the chance... it's probably going to come down to Jeff winning this whole entire thing if he makes the correct move tonight because I'm certainly not going to turn my back on him if he follows through. But, crazy things have happened tonight. And it's about to get a whole lot crazier. :) Although I'm like, CERTAIN I'm going home tonight or at least getting votes. OK IM TRYING SO HARD TO WRITE THIS CONFESSIONAL BUT SO MUCH IS HAPPENING AHHHH IM STRESSING OUT BUT I KNOW THERES A GOOD PLAN OUT THERE FOR ME TO MAKE AND HOPEFULLY IM NOT SCREWING MYSELF OVER

...five seconds later

OKAY I think I'm gonna be ok but I'm taking a HUGE risk rn!!! Basically putting my vote onto Liv with Joey and hoping Joey 1) doesnt have an idol and 2) gets the rest of the votes. But my logic for voting Liv is simple. If Joey actually has an idol he's been hiding, he plays it and reveals I voted for him again if I don't do it. It also prevents me/Kailyn from going home 2-1-0 since Keegan and Liv seem to be locked in on one of us (likely me). If somehow Jeff/Pat are lying and are part of split, it'll go 2-2-2-2 which is not only insane but it also gives me a PERFECT platform to light people up, namely Jeff and his vote steal advantage. But we'll see! I'm predicting to go home tonight :) But at least I made a move when I could. Good luck to me <3

0 notes

pointedly-foolish · 4 years

Text

[ í'm вαd вєhαvíσur вut í dσ ít ín thє вєѕt wαч ]

word count: 6320

pairing: connor | rk800/gender-neutral!reader

genre: fluff; kinda crack treated seriously

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

you’re sure you had a harder time persuading others compared to this detective model android...

both.

and uh, the story went out of hand and evolved by itself.

ping. a small popup in the top right corner of his hud caught his attention as he rearranged his folders, neatly putting them in his bag.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[ 1 ᴺᴱᵂ ᴹᴱˢˢᴬᴳᴱ: Love ]

> hey im outside waiting for u xx Noted. <

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you chucked the spare helmet you brought towards him—which he caught effortlessly—« come on, i wanna show you something. »

[ ᴬᴺᴬᴸᵞˢᴵᴺᴳ ]

« so? what d’you think? your eyes were directly on him now. i know you had your reservations about this place... »

« i won’t tell if you don’t? you offered. »

he swears to god, or ra9, or whatever higher power there is, that you will be the death of him.

« get off. your ordered. he followed the command without a word. – we’re gonna walk the rest of the way. you added. »

« wanna crash at my place? you offered. – i’d be more than happy to, he obliged. »

you were too gone to reply, but regardless, he left for work with a small smile.

« you can just take a walk, you don’t need to use me as a fucking excuse. – alright. he answered placidly. »

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[ SENDING AUDIO-VISUAL FEED TO RK800 #313 248 317-60—COLIN ] [ LINK ESTABLISHED. WAITING PERMISSION… ] [ ACCEPTED. ]

the android could hear his brother cackle at his misery. though outside of earshot, the sound echoes in his mind as the link was not yet severed.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

unknown number [ two missed message ]

> what the fuck did you get connor into? > ???????

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

bzz. bzz. a new message?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

unknown number [ 1 new message ]

> i know you saw the messages, fuckibg answer

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you also had a new message from connor, though his message didn’t bode well for you either:

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

connard2 anderson <3 [ 1 missed message ]

> we need to talk. > ):<

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the use of the emoji made you chuckle, but you were scared of what the future brought for you. oh boy… you were in deep shit weren’t you…

e͟p͟i͟l͟o͟g͟u͟e͟:

f͟o͟o͟t͟n͟o͟t͟e͟s

like my work? consider ordering a commission // buying me a coffee // checking out my art tag or my masterlist | links can be found on my desc

#detroit: become human #connor detroit: become human #connor x reader #connor rk800 #rk800 detroit: become human #rk800-60 detroit:become human #hank anderson detroit: become human #falsely writes

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plaidshirtjimkirk · 4 years

Text

i wish i had an awesome list of things i wrote in 2019, but there’s none to speak of. i probably hit 30k max or so. but i wanna talk about writing anyway. this is longgggg, sorry.

i have been and ever shall be a ridiculously passionate person. when i love something, i really really *really* love it. it takes over everything. it’s all i think about. i’ve always been this way. i had all of one friend when i was a child and i met her in preschool. we met up recently and she started naming all these series and characters i was obsessed with since i was 4. LOL the thing is, like... no one else liked these things, so she had to deal with me infodumping and reading my crappy fanfiction to her from elementary to middle school. (the fact that she still talks to me amazes me.)

my relationship with writing is complicated and im finally understanding why.

i started out with self insert stories when i was super young because there weren’t any other kids around besides my one awesome friend. i never felt lonely though because i had my stories.

i loved fictional characters. i self shipped. this led me to roleplaying. i found someone who was writing as a character i adored. we wrote together and then started dating. that was my first SO. not knowing any better, i remained in an abusive relationship for 7 years. my stories were my comfort and i can honestly say that writing saved my life. there’s a good ending to this situation. one day, i experienced a breath of fresh air and finally took the trash out.

i dabbled in drawing comics for a bit as i worked hard at my job. i met someone worth my love and effort. we loved each other so much that we maintained a relationship while living on opposite ends of the planet. as you can imagine, that was pretty lonely. writing helped me through it. i met some amazing people to write with during this time, including my bff @suitablyaggrieved.

the fandom we were in then was filled with toxic people however. my having an oc didn’t help things so i had to deal with harassment, even when i was minding my own damn business. got tired of that, took down my writing, and barely wrote a thing for about 3 years.

when i fell hard into trek, i decided i wanted to give fandom one more shot. i wanted to be in a community that loved the same things i did and figured it was worth the effort of trying. tbh i feel very lucky that my return to fandom was trek because yall are seriously some of the nicest people ever.

when i started this blog, i was just some rude dipshit who didn’t really think about the weight of my words. i said mean things but i didn’t care. it was whatever because it was my blog and i had 30 followers. the follower count grew though at some point, i thought about why i tested the waters of coming back to fandom and how grateful i was to splash land back in one like trek. i realized i wasn’t being the kind of person i wanted to be. i’m still a dipshit, just less rude now.

but the thing is that trek got me into writing again. and when i started, i felt like there were no limits. i wrote and wrote and wrote. i was telling stories about some things i’d been through and using characters as proxies. it was an interesting experience. i never wanted to stop...made me feel like i was doing something constructive when drama was going on in my work life.

everything was ok though because i had my words.............and then chronic illness caught up with me.

writing made me happy because i saw myself putting out lots of stories. but when it came to the point where i couldn’t write as much as i used to because i was in too much pain to even get out of bed, it started making me feel really depressed.

the truth is that i don’t have confidence in my work. i never did. i probably never will. it sucks when you spend all this time working on something, just to end up hating it. and with being the passionate person i am, the lower word count had me feeling like a complete failure. all or nothing. consistency or nothing. i know this is unhealthy. i also would never think anyone else was a failure for not writing as much. it was just...i had all these personal goals i wasn’t meeting.

at some point, i started feeling as though i couldn’t write ks anymore. there were a couple reasons for that but the main one was losing consistency. i didn’t feel like my work was ever anything special, but at least i was feeling productive. when that went out the window, i kinda looked back at all these words i put out and didn’t feel good about them.

i started writing for small pairings where the fandom was literally all of 2 people. i thought that maybe i could just post stories for a tiny audience, or even just for my own sake, and maybe being so worried about quality wouldn’t be such a big deal. i was kidding myself though. ofc it was. and it just made me feel worse about my writing. i didn’t know how to make it fun. instead of being pumped to start something new, all i could think about was how i’d suffer to put whatever story i was thinking of together and just end up hating. it felt like so much wasted effort.

i met some awesome new friends who encouraged me to make an oc again. it took such a long time but i did and i spent a few months privately posting fics about all of our ocs interacting. writing was slowly becoming fun again.

and that brings me to where i am today. i realize it’s been a crutch for me throughout life. i could throw myself into it, throw myself into stories that others wrote. with less energy to go around because of being in pain frequently, the amount i could do reduced drastically. i’m still trying to figure out how to cope with that, and how to not put so much pressure on myself to where i get stuck in an endless loop of self hating.

still, writing saved me. even though things got really complicated, im glad i had the experience of doing it and even though it sometimes stresses me the hell out, i want to keep at it...figure out how the same thing that helped me so many times before can do so again.

i’m not sure i can ever figure the confidence/self love thing out, but i think i can try to make words my friends again. people outside of fandom don’t get it and i guess i can’t blame them if they don’t have the experience. they think ff is some frivolous activity that has no merit, no quality, no bearing on anything. but it does on franchise, community, and individual levels.

anyway, sending good vibes to every content creator out there. let’s hang in there through the great times and bad. <3

#just plaid shirt things #the struggle is real #long post

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haiykuties-imagines-blog · 5 years

Note

Hello! I hope you have had a good day so far ((: I stumbled upon your blog and couldn't help but want to ask a request (: May I have Sugawara x F!Reader where she is starting to lose wet however other people keep thinking it's to fit in when in reality she's just trying to get healthy and he defends her and just is being really supportive although he worry's a lot? Thanks! I'm going through that rn so if you write it thank you! If not I understand 💙💛

Hi, I’ve had a great day thanks and hope you’re ok too!

I honestly related to this subject in such a sensitive way and I totally get what you’re feeling like right now. It’s amazing that you want to be healthy and don’t let anyone make you think bad about it and that you’re just ‘trying to fit in’. I actually lost a friend over an argument regarding my weight loss and got accused of being anorexic just to be as skinny as another friend of mine, it was awful at the time but after a while I had become so much more confident with myself and I don’t regret it. (We’ve made up now after she realised my true goal and that it wasn’t an excuse btw)

Either way please remember that you’re gorgeous no matter what and if you want to do anything in order to be healthy than do it!! Be the best you can be and never let anyone stop you 💖 I’m also very very very sorry for my sap story lol

Please enjoy, let me know if there are any issues ❤️

Sugawara Koushi X Reader | Word Count: 1,045

Today was the day, the day of your first morning run! You had woken up an hour earlier than usual thrown on some quick sports gear and set off. The end goal was to build up your stamina and help you feel better about yourself, your boyfriend Suga was always eating right and playing volleyball and you honestly couldn’t keep up! You wanted that to change, you’d heard that a healthy mind is a happy mind and all that crap but you wanted to test it for real, being healthy in the end has so many benefits either way.

The first few goes at running ended up quite badly, you got out of breath quick and felt silly but after a long talk with Suga and a lot of praise from him you felt like you could do it.

He was so supportive in your healthy idea and believed it was inspiring really, not many teens can really be bothered with exercise unless they want to loose weight, but for you to want to do it for body helping is amazing! He had no qualms currently, if you were to become excessive and borderline being sick he would be sure to put a stop to it. As of now it wasn’t a bother even if the lingering thought of you taking it too far did concern him slightly, it wasn’t worth a mention as it would put you down. He also trusted you to know when it’s gone far enough.

Months had past since you started now and everything was great, you felt healthier, achieved things you didn’t think you could and also loved the bonus weight loss! Never had you appreciated yourself so much and in all honestly this is the most confident you’ve ever felt. Suga was so proud of you as well, he’d always believed you to be perfect but now you’re happy and proud of yourself it felt like having a new and improved y/n, he loved seeing you happy. The way you had now started trying on new clothes and even how you walked with a new aura was womderful, he could bask in your glory ages.

The worry of you taking it too had slipped his mind completely in all honesty, if it wasn’t for the boys bringing it up. They often chatted about most things and your exercise came up often, most the time it wasn’t in a bad way- more of a ‘wow look at her go’ chat, but over the last few weeks it had become more of a concern about how far you’ve gone. Some speculated on was just to fit in which would then be heavily defended by Suga it hurt that they would think that of you, other times it was pure worry of a sickness which Suga would then confirm that you had been eating and it couldn’t be anything of such.

Suga had no issue defending you, apart of him did wish the boys would confromt you about it themselves though, once they spoke to you properly they would 100% understand why you did it. Not only that but when they did mention it, it began to form more clouds of worry and paranoia over the situation that isn’t needed at all; you were fine and he knew it.

You had just finished your evening trek and arrived at Karasuno, ready to meet Suga and go home, you took one last look at the orange sunset before swinging open the gym door to the sound of squeaky floors and ricocheting balls.

Flashing everyone a smile you took your seat as you await practice to end, you noticed small whispers darting here and there, followed by your boyfriend trying tk dismiss it all with a cocked eyebrow and stressed face. You tried hard to ignore it, keeping up with the friendly chat between Kiyoko and Yachi.

“How’s all the running going y/n?” Kiyoko had asked, a faint smile on her lips.

“Great! I’ve managed to finally reach a full 2 hour run and i feel better than ever honestly” you practically beamed back, but it faded soon as Kiyoko then replied with a slight hum, telling you to not overwork yourself anymore.

You knew how she meant it, Kiyoko didn’t have a bad bone in her body however you wished more people believed it wasn’t out of pure insecurity and being like everyone else- it was just to feel better and give yourself some TLC.

Practice soon came to a close and you began walking home hand in hand with Suga, it was quiet but no uncomfortable, yet he sensed something was up with you.

“Tell me whats happened then y/n?”, Suga sheepishly laughed im hopes to not create too much tension.

“Well everyone just seems to be doubting me, I’m not anywhere near being sick! I just want them to trust me and believe that this was just a change for the better” you practically wept, it did hurt because it wasn’t just concern from the team, it seemed to spread to other friends too, causing you to actually feel embarrassed by what you’ve done.

“Don’t worry y/n, I’ve explained what you’re doing and told them how proud I am of you and how happy you are now! We just don’t want you taking it to the point that you do get sick, I trust you so much. You know your own limits and you’ve told me them, so maybe just telling everyone else ‘your story’ ,theoretically, might benefit in ways that they begin to trust what you’re doing as well!”

Suga was honestly therapeutic, his advice always made sense and his support made you feel loved unconditionally everyday. You knew exactly what he meant and agreed on giving a more detailed explanation tomorrow in hopes of dying down the concern. You were both certain it would, it was time to start letting people know more about the better you.

“Thank you, Suga, you really do help me out a lot”

“That’s my job as a boyfriend y/n, now I bet you can’t beat me home!”, he had began sprinting, grin gracing his face making him look as handsome as ever.

He’d never admit it, but you did win that race.

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu headcanon #haikyuu oneshot #admin lou #sugawara koushi #sugawara headcanon #sugawara x reader #sugawara imagine #sugawara scenario #sugawara oneshot

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writinginthesparetime · 5 years

Text

A place far away pt.3

pairing: actor!Park Haejin x student!reader

Warnings: famous!au ; college!au ; litte bit of swearing?

genre: fluff

chapters: 1 - 2 - 4

(If needed I will add more warnings and upload the genre tags in next chapters)

Summary:

So that’s how all started.

It was a rainy day in Seoul and I was the new girl in town. Precisely the new girl in college, just moved from europe to study abroad.

Little did I knew Seoul was not the only korean thing I’d fell in love with.

A/n: this chapter ended up being dramatically long so I had to change my mind and make some adjustments. I am so excited about this story, i hope you’re too!

__________________________________________

“Thank you for coming with me.”

“It’s nothing, you needed someone to help you fill some papers!”

“I know but .... like i don’t properly know korean.”

“That’s why I offered to help you.”

Nana poured me some tea while we were watching, outside the window, the rain falling over the city.

“You have been definitely too kind, I’ll offer you lunch tomorrow.”

So we then headed to our rooms, it was already evening and actually the last day before classes too. The other girls were already sleeping, but we were still so upset.

Nana stopped on the threshold of her door, it was obvious we weren’t sleepy at all. “Y/n ... Are you sure you don’t want to see a movie with me?”

“No thank you, I’ll try to sleep now.”

So I rolled over in bed, again.

It was almost midnight, Nana was surely already sleeping but Seoul was still awake, as much as me. I could hear cars and people talking down street.

I was so nervous I kept changing my mood from pure anxiety to happiness. Eyes wide open looking at the ceiling while street lamps lights leaked out from curtains.

“Enough.”

I got up and changed into the clothes already prepared for the day after, i picked the keys and went outside.

As I thought streets were still full of people, young and old, the majority tipsy, which entered or exited bars.

Still angry about my lack of sleep I decide to call mom.

“Hi? Y/n?”

“Yes? Mom?”

“Y/n! How are you? Wait, isn’t it a little late?” She already knew.

“Hi I’m fine. Yeah, indeed I couldn’t sleep so i decided to call.”

“Are you outside?” She sounded so inquiring.

“Yes but don’t be afraid, I’m heading back home.” I lied while crossing my fingers. I couldn’t stand a scolding now.

“Okok ... so are you ready for tomorrow?”

“Im very excited, but please tell me about how my brother is doing.”

So I Switched the subject of our conversation, confident my mother could speak about my perfect and cute little brother for hours, especially on how he’s so smart and one day maybe became a math genius.

Her voice became a background sound of my promenade. Hearing her speaking, finally a familiar voice, was suiting to me.

I entered a 24/7 store and headed to the sweet ward, even if it wasn’t the healthiest decision, especially if I wanted to sleep and not get a sugar rush.

“Will you call us tomorrow too?”

“If i have some spare time after classes, sure mom, why?”

“I’m sure your brother would love to hear you.”

“I’ll try.”

I picked a candy snack and some chocolate and put them inside a red basket.

“So ... see you tomorrow?”

“Yes mom, tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you too, y/n. Take care, goodnight honey.”

I hanged up.

After choosing a packet of biscuits I headed to another snack ward. Despite the late hour, the shop had many customers, especially teenagers.

I was looking at chips, undecided about the flavour would suits the most the stressed-evening occasion.

“If you prefer spicy, this one is the best.” A chips packet materialised in my hands. “Indeed, it’s my favourite flavour.”

I turned around and almost clash into someone chest, I looked up and it was him. Standing tall in his brown leather jacket and still wearing an antismog mask.

Recognising him by his brown eyes, because once again it was the only thing i could clearly see.

“Mmh , thank you?” I bowed at him and thrown the chips inside the red basket.

“Well, purchasing so many sweets at this hour isn’t healthy at all.” He laughed while looking inside my basket that I quickly hided behind my figure.

“I couldn’t sleep, so it seemed a good idea to me.” I whispered excusing myself.

“And it was a good idea because we had the chance to meet again.”

Was he flirting? Flirting with me?

“We always meet under the weirdest circumstances, or at least every time something embarrassing happens to me.”

“I don’t think so, you know?” And Again his eyes smiled. “Are you alone?” Concerned, he looked around, maybe trying to find someone actually looking for me. “It’s dangerous.”

“Sounds like the beginning of an horror movie to me.”

I was certain this could actually be part of a script, and he sounded like a potential cinematography serial killer. “Don’t be afraid, i know how to defend myself.”

We both smiled at each other while I started asking myself when did i became so talkative. And when did i have Any courage to talk to a stranger like this? Like not only to ask directions.

“So ...” he was looking at the shelf “why can’t you sleep, if i may ask?”

“Top secret.” And that being said I kindly smiled at him and surpassed him, going to the cash desk. He followed me and paid right after me. Both holdings our own plastic bag we headed out the shop.

The city was finally calm and even the wind became delightfully fresh.

“Can i offer you something?” I looked at him shocked.

“Honestly i was thinking about going home.” I stuttered.

“Are you finally sleepy?” He asked smiling. Was he really going to tease me like this? Of course he knew i wasn’t sleepy.

“Actually not.” I looked down at my hands shyly. I could definitely imagine his satisfied grin on his face.

“Only one beer” he sit on the walkside outside the shop and took two cans from his plastic bag.

“Only one.”

What the fuck was I doing? Uh y/n? Did I suddenly became a kid? Did I completely forgot how to behave? Drinking with a stranger?

What was Seoul doing to me?

But one beer couldn’t hurt me, plus I was already into this.

I sit next to him, he quickly opened both of the cans and gave me one. I grabbed it with both my hands, still not able to look at him. Too shy now.

I only saw his hands, beautiful hands by the way, take his beer and touch slightly mine. Our fingers touched and I suddenly felt my stomach upside down.

I was already so nervous, this wasn’t needed.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.” I whispered and drank down the whole cold beer with closed eyes.

“Ehi, oh, slow down.” I could hear his surprised tone.

“That’s it, one beer.” My fingers kept playing with the tab’s can.

I should get home.

I wanted to get up but his hand gently leaned to my wrist, trying to stop me.

“You know, when people say to drink something together, that’s not what they’re talking about.” I looked up while he was fixing his mask. Unbelievable: did i just missed the opportunity to see his face?

So i suddenly knew what was my goal for the night.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been nervous all day.”

“You’ve already said that.” He leaned his face on his hands and looked at me closely.

I really couldn’t understand how he could be so noisy yet definitely kind.

“Is there a reason?”

Now?

You.

“College, classes start tomorrow.”

“Oh wow that’s amazing! What are you studying?” Again I felt in the middle of the attention and my cheeks turned red. Shy me.

“Fashion, makeup to be specific.”

“Interesting, there are a lot of jobs opportunities, do you have any ideas yet?”

He asked and sipped the beer again. I was so focused on finding the right words I completely forgot my goal.

“Not yet, I believe here in korea there will be many.”

“I can guarantee that.” He gently laughed and i heard him looking for something inside the plastic bag. He gave me another can.

“So, you can tell I’m so nervous I need another one?” I whispered hiding my face behind my hands.

“Alcohol is never a good solution, but maybe for this time we can make an exception. Cheers.”

“Cheers.” I closed my eyes and sipped the beer. “You know, I don’t fancy beer so much.”

“You could have told me before.” We both smiled.

“True.”

He looked at me closely.

“Your cheeks are red.”

“That must be true too.”

I finally looked at him in the eyes. I could definitely feel the heat of alcohol inside me giving me some courage. He took out the mask with an hand and raised his face to sip some more beer.

“Ah, refreshing.” He then picked up all the empty cans to throw them away and i was frozen.

I was so thankful he didn’t noticed my facial expression because I definitely looked dumb. Mouth wide open and dreamy eyes. Shocked.

He was unbelievable HANDSOME. definitely in his thirties, the clearest skin ever, plump lips and a breathtaking smile.

“Do you feel good?”

“Uh wha- yes?” Blinking to make sure he wasn’t a dream.

“Do you want me to take you home? Your cheeks are so red and-“

“No. No. I’m fine.” I cut him while jumping up, but I ended up almost falling.

“Ehi.” He grabbed me by an elbow to help me stabilise me. “You drank too much.”

“Not at all.” Or maybe yes?

My life leaked of any social interactions and this actually leaded me being a nerd always at home while everyone was partying. So I actually never drank too much, but two beer couldn’t be my limit to sobriety.

Being clumsy in first place wasn’t helping at all.

And being with the most handsome man ever didn’t too.

“I tripped over, that’s it.”

“I take you home.” This time his voice was purely concerned, no contradictions allowed. He grabbed our bags and hold me. “Tell me the address please.”

So I did and we started walking.

“If I only knew you couldn’t drink so much i would have offered you some juice.” He smiled and i hit him on the shoulder.

“I’m telling you I just tripped! I’m very clumsy.”

Luckily the dorm wasn’t far and we quickly arrived.

“Here i am.” I stopped on the sidewalk in the opposite side of the road. I couldn’t start being naive.

“Ok. I need to apologise.”

“For what? The beer?”

“No, for being so nosy, I swear I’m never like this.” He looked at me while scratching his nape and then just bowed.

“Don’t worry, thank you for taking me home, and the pleasant conversation, mr ...”

Mr? Why so formal all of the sudden?

“Please call me Hae-jin.”

“I’m y/n.”

“It was a pleasure meeting you.” He smiled and my legs started shaking. “I think you should go inside, you’re freezing.”

“You’re right.” I grabbed my bag but I stayed still.

“Then I’ll go, goodnight y/n.” He bowed.

“Goodnight hae-jin.”

#park har jin x reader #park haejin #park #college!au #student!reader #k actor #korean actor #kdrama #actor #korea #my oppa #writing #spare time #story #fan fiction #park hae jin

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